2 June 2008
This week, we decided to end all the sentences with exclamation marks! Anyway, we had a whole lot of entries for the caption competition! Some of them were actually good! Most of them relied on “horny” or “bull” puns! Not that that’s a bad thing! I actually oney for d all that m
pai Dammit! I y! m o ct a vase
Now, here’s this week’s picture! Rememb er, there’s no Nexus till next semester, so send in your entries in the me antime and we’ll announ ce the winner then! Peace out!
thought it was really funny! I love bad puns! Remember that when you’re sending in entries! Enough bull – here’s this week’s winner! Dammit! I paid all that money for a vasectomy! Congratulations Ben Gilbert! Come up to the WSU reception to claim your prize! And here’s a couple of honourable mentions as well! Remember, it’s never too late to get your prostate checked! – Shane Croucher “Horny?” “Yeah – any hole’s a goal” - Hakaz
Magic 8 Ball, is there a justifiable reason to give out free massages over the upcoming exam period? You may rely on it – although I suspect we’re talking about different kinds of massages here. You mean the kind where a nice person rubs your back. I’m talking about the kind where a nice person rubs your junk – and you get a happy ending. With fees being what they are, Uni should absolutely pay each student to have at least one visit to a prostitute during exam time. Perhaps the Uni could have hookers on staff for just such a cause.
Does cramming for exams work? My reply is no – so why bother? Use your study leave for something productive, like going to Raglan for the weekend or experimenting with hallucinogens. (Or both.) If you haven’t learnt it in class, you’re not going to learn it in two days of constant stress and sleep deprivation. Plus, going to exams baked could actually work for students taking Bachelor of Arts.
Does the new Budget do anything for students? Ask again later – after the next-to-inevitable election of a mysteriously policy-free National government. Don’t forget, Ruth Richardson once seriously proposed that if a student dies, their debt would fall to their next-of-kin. Let’s see how far they’ve come, let’s see how far they’ve come!*
Are the questions sent in to Agony Art real? (We’re getting a bit sick of this question – we hear it nearly every day) Reply hazy, try again – I think it depends on how you define “real.” You know how the Matrix isn’t real, but it seems really real, in your own head? I think they’re real like that. Put it this way: Given an infinity of alternate universes, all the things the questioners have asked about have really happened. In fact, they’ve happened to you. Get your head round that.
Is there going to be a “power crisis” this winter? It is certain – hey, the power companies need some excuse for charging you $1200 a month to run three lightbulbs and the hot-water cupboard. 8-Ball also predicts one of those media feeding-frenzies where they’re all like “nurr, take cold showers and eat raw food or we’ll have blackouts.” Then it won’t happen and we’ll congratulate ourselves for being so prepared.
Are the first years getting over the novelty of being able to go into town and drink whenever they want? As I see it yes – it’s usually around this time of year that this happens. The cold, coupled with the trauma of that first abortion, means firstyears are staying at home and giving their DVD players a workout. Some, hit with the realisation that they are at University, may even take up studying. *Magic 8 Ball apologises for the Matchbox 20 reference. That song’s just so damn catchy.
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1.) What’s your best example of bullshitting your way through something? 2.) How are your exams going? 3.) What’s the best way to cram? 4.) What are your plans for the study break? 5.) Can I touch you? 1.) Pretty much all of my academic and school career were standout examples of bullshitting 2.) They aren’t. I’ve finished school forever! (maniacal laughter) 3.) I never bothered. Study leave was for going to the beach. Just get a good night’s sleep. 4.) They involve secret Nexus things I can’t be arsed telling you about. 5.) Well, seeing as I’m answering my own questions here… sure.
1.) I still work here, don’t I? 2.) They’re fine. Hello, Dora! You’re a pretty girl! 3.) (Falls asleep.) 4.) (Continues to sleep) 5.) (Wakes up suddenly when he gets touched) AAAAH
1.) Getting this job while keeping a straight face? 2.) I don’t have any. Unless working here counts. 3.) When everything comes in late on a Thursday. You should know. 4.) Working on Nexus stuff, ignoring your suggestions 5.) No. Go away and stop asking me stupid questions and let me design the damn magazine
1.) Well, when I bought and started wearing my stupid hat, I managed to convince my girlfriend I was still heterosexual 2.) Awesome, now I’m a tutor. Suckers. 3.) With alcohol and cigarettes. 4.) Following orders. Listening to music on the Internets. Cracked.com. Buying even more retarded hats. 5.) Sure, but don’t tell my girlfriend
1.) You see my stuff in Nexus, don’t you? 2.) Awful. I haven’t slept in about a week. I keep seeing – oh, hello, leprechaun! 3.) If you eat your notes, they make their way to your brain! 4.) I’m going to build a kick-ass trolley derby trolley and review bars. And churches. 5.) Depends. How much money do you have? I charge by the body part.
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FEATURES 18 How to Bullshit Your Way Through Uni Editor: Joshua Drummond (nexus@waikato.ac.nz) Design: Talia Kingi (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz)
Learn from the experts! Well, not really. Okay, kind of. Okay, exactly. Real tips for study success combine with last-minute humour in Nexus’ own study guide.
Advertising: Tony Arkell (admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz/021 176 6180) Assistant to the Editor: Andrew Neal (news@nexus-npl.co.nz) Music Ed: Carl Watkins (toezee@gmail.com) Books Ed: Kelly Badman Film Ed: Art Focker
Contributors 8 Ball, AJ, Annabel, Emma, Vitamin C, WSU, Kirril, Carl Watkins, Chris Parnell, Burton C. Bogan, Nick Sicklemore, Olivia Miles
NEWS
8 – 13 Budget blowout on students!-nah, jokes, Citizens Advice Bureau looking for volunteers, Circus performer finds cold hard going, I forget what this story’s about, Crime-fighting (and smoking hot) sisters fight crime, Penis-gate, Roger mouths off, Vault, the Crime Report, and the Nexus Haiku News
Louise Blackstock, Kelly Badman, Jed Laundry, Dr Richard Swainson, Josh, Andrew, Talia, Matt, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash Medallion, Cyro, Art Focker, Andy Fyers, vitaminC,
Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) Because it saves us time.
THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. TYPING THIS OUT ALMOST MAKES ME REGRET DISABLING MY CAPS LOCK KEY. BUT NOT QUITE.
WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL nexus@waikato.ac.nz OR admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176 6180
NEXUS IS LOCATED AT Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton
PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: nexus@waikato.ac.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton
Nexus: Aiding procrastinators since the beginning.
REGULARS AND RANDOMS 03 Caption Competition 03 Magic 8 Ball 05 Really Self Indulgent Low Five 06 < 07 Editorial 14 Rant of the Week 15-18 Lettuce 18 Karn 24-27 WSU 27 Sports Results with AJ 28 Flash Medallion’s Puzzle Page of Horse Appreciation 29 Notices 30 XXXL 30 Garfield Minus Garfield 30 Essence of Awesome 31 Agony Art 31 Sports Thoughts 32 Boganology 101 32 The Nerdary 33 The Phat Controller 33 A River Runs Through It 34 Book Review 34 Comix Review 35 Moving Pictures 35 Movie Review 36 Citric 37 DVDs 38 Gigs 39 BUSTED
By Joshua Drummond It’s a pretty badly kept secret that Uni is easy. No, I’m not just talking about first-year girls. I mean the actual process of passing isn’t hard. Admittedly, my only experience of studying at Waikato University was two years of law school, after which I chucked the idea of being a lawyer and went off to study journalism at Wintec. Scary fact for Uni students: Tech was more full on than uni was. True story. It wasn’t the academic rigour – there wasn’t so much of that – it was just that after two years of being a lazy bastard in the School of Law I had to remember how to do practical work again. I remember my first few weeks at Uni pretty well. I was awed by the size of the place, the way you had to hike to get to classes, the mass of regulations, the way everyone seemed so much smarter than at high school. Then, maybe a month in, I (and most of the people I was hanging out with) realised that first-year law at Waikato Uni was about as hard as fourth-form Social Studies with less title-page drawing and a few extra polysyllabic words chucked in here and there. Obviously, it wasn’t easy or interesting for everyone. Around half of the first-year law students had signed up for Law and Science conjoints because they were suffering under the collective delusion that they would become CSI’s within four years. When they realised the lack of predictable plot lines and cool zoom-ins on CGI crime scenes they left in droves, presumably for jobs that allowed them a maximum of TV viewing time. Or Management. I don’t know, and I don’t want to. I was doing a conjoint degree in Law and Arts, and found – to my utter bewilderment – myself getting 90 to 100 percent marks in the Screen and Media studies section of my course with practically no effort. I definitely wasn’t alone. There was plenty of talk around various mates in different courses of how easy Uni was and how it left us with maximum drinking time. (I’m talking about undergrads here, not post-graduates. It’s my understanding that post-graduate research at Waikato is in pretty good shape.) I’m not saying it was easy to get good marks. It wasn’t, (except in SMST level one courses where it was insanely easy) but it was very, very easy to pass. C’s get degrees. Is this a good thing? Should you be able to blunder your way through tertiary education with a mixture of bullshitting and occasional cramming sessions? I don’t think so, but I can’t see it changing any time soon.
University is now accessible to anyone with decent marks in NCEA, (which itself has been derided as a system that completely fails to showcase quality scholarship.) All you do is rock up, sign the appropriate Studylink forms, and you’ve got a pass to four years of academic easy street and, probably, a lot of carousing. It wasn’t always like this. When University was “free” you had to get in on the basis of academic merit. Free-market governments decried this kind of elitism and opened tertiary study up to essentially anyone with the ability to sign their own name. Nowadays, the Universities don’t really care. Oh, they like people who go hard and get all A’s – makes them look good – and there are some entry requirements to throw off the truly unworthy, but you don’t have to be anything special to get in. Why would they care, when that first lucrative crop of sure-to-flunk first years is maintaining their bottom line? Waikato’s law school is particularly hypocritical in this regard. Unlike Auckland, Victoria or Otago’s law schools, Waikato doesn’t practice cutoffs. Get a “C” grade in first year and you’re still in. It’s happy to churn out seriously sub-standard grads in comparison to other law schools, and relies on the statistical inevitability of some people doing well to keep their profile up. I may not be the best candidate to bitch about a lack of undergraduate standards, because I wouldn’t have made it to second year if things hadn’t been lax. But, looking back, that makes me think I shouldn’t have been there at all. If I’d been cut out I could have gotten into journalism a year earlier and saved myself a year of semi-study and bulk money. Or, if there’d been the pressure of a cut-off, I might have ended up applying myself and become a genuine lawyer by now. Given every day you spend here generates money for our fine institution, it’s against their interests to kick you out if your grades suck. But it’s hardly in yours to hang around if Uni isn’t for you. If you’re struggling, ask yourself why. If you are dedicated to getting a job that requires a degree or are in for the academic long-haul, there are plenty of places to get help if you’re finding it hard. If you’re just lazy – ship up. Do yourself proud and make the best of your education opportunities. If you can’t find it in yourself to do a decent job of Uni, then perhaps it’s time to think of doing something else. Maybe you shouldn’t be here at all. Oh yeah, this is the last Nexus for around five weeks. Enjoy the break and we’ll see you when you get back! 7
News issue 11
Budget not good enough, say unions Neither is the new Indiana Jones film, but you don’t hear them bitching about that, do you?
By Andrew Neal Student unions have decried Budget concessions to students as “too little, too late.” The age at which your parental income is judged has been changed from 25 to 24 years and those on the student allowance will receive an extra $5 per week. “At 15 you can drive, at 16 sex is legal, at 18 you can get married, sign contracts and have a say in how our country is run, yet according to government policy, students are not adults until they are 24,” says WSU president Moira Neho. Other changes also include a 10 percent increase in the parental income threshold which determines what level of allowance students get, and an increase in Bonded Merit Scholarships.
“While some students may benefit from these changes, the Budget does nothing to address the real drivers of debt and the extra $5 a week actually contributes to the total amount of debt that a student could end up with,” says Neho.
step process but change is not coming quick enough to make a difference.
The $5 increase has been labelled ‘a bad joke’ by Auckland University Students’ Association president David Do.
One of the largest issues, according to unions, is the fact that the new budget does not make headway regarding the problem of mounting
“It will be three generations before any of the current needs are addressed, and by that time it will be too late,” says the WSU.
student debt. “That’s equal to two pies a week. This essentially does nothing for students who are struggling right now to make ends meet,” he says. The WSU has said that it realises government increases in student support is a step by
“This budget shows no forward thinking or meaningful change in policy development and is virtually maintaining the inadequate status quo,” says New Zealand Union of Students Associations (NZUSA) Co-President, Paul Falloon.
Citizens Advice Bureau is offering volunteer opportunities which are “great for advancing your career.” “We find that volunteers get jobs almost immediately, that’s why we constantly need more,” says Jill Denny of Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB). Volunteers are given full training free of charge and are required to aid CAB in the work that they do providing legal and consumer advice to the public. “I did it [volunteering] just to build up my CV initially, but I didn’t even realise the service was out there and what avenues there are before having to pay for a lawyer,” says Serenity Taniwha, a volunteer who is now being accredited to be a trainer. The CAB office on the University of Waikato campus is unique as it is the only one in the country to be placed at a university. The office at the university features volunteers to aid on all matters between 1pm and 3pm, every day, and also a lawyer available for free advice Friday mornings or by appointment. The CAB training gives volunteers the skills to aid in a large range of issues concerning students. “It was one week of intensive training during the University teaching recess where we learn how do deal with issues such as legal, consumer and housing,” says Taniwha. Volunteers at the University office are especially trained to deal with student issues but they are also oriented so that they can work in any CAB office in the country. CAB also features mediation services and consumer advocates. 8
June 2 2008
Circus performer now a biology student and scholar By Andrew Neal
“On some cold mornings in Hamilton, I wonder why I’m at Uni and not enjoying the European summer working as circus performer,” says Tali West. West, was the recent recipient of a Freemason’s scholarship for her work at the University of Waikato. She is also a dog trainer who says she “has a real love for animals.” I’m not entirely sure what I wants to do once I’m finished at uni, but I know it will be something to do with animals. It might be animal behaviour, animal psychology – recently I’ve even considered Veterinary science,” she says. West initially went to Christchurch Polytechnic to become a performer in hula hooping, trapeze, tight rope and other performances. “I started doing freelance stuff. I travelled most of Western Europe, mostly in Germany, Switzerland, Italy, France and a few others,” she explains.
She is also an advocate for her fellow students as student chair of the Biology Subjects Committee, student representative for the School of Science and Engineering Board of Studies and the student representative of this School’s Academic Board.” “I’m not really into politics, I’ve just been in the position as a leader in the past and I don’t mind being the one to speak up, I like doing things as a team,” she says. She has also done work for the Golden Key Honour Society as well as performing for children’s charities. In her first year of study she was awarded the joint Alumni Prize for the top first year student in the School of Science and Engineering but is humble about her achievements. “I was really surprised that I did that well, I didn’t know I’d done that well until they contacted me,” she explains. West says that despite her numerous commitments, and the cold mornings, “it definitely pays to do well at Uni.”
School of Education post-graduate students last week submitted a petition to department heads expressing their concern about the absence of demarcated study spaces and computer access. Mikaere Peck, who wrote and submitted the petition, signed by 23 primarily Masters students, hopes to get a common room where post-graduate students can talk and computer access so that they are not competing against undergraduate students for space. “There just aren’t enough computers when you’re busy, and often there’s not enough space to work,” she says.
After sending the petition, Alister Jones, Dean of the School of Education replied through email saying that he agreed that a graduate space was needed. “I am very conscious of the difficulties you experience that are caused through the lack of available space for you as a student group,” he said.
Jones also said that changes would have to take time. “Unfortunately the school of Education is currently very short of available space, however I am taking active steps to resolve this issue and hope to be able to have a resolution for you by August,” he said.
Peck admitted that she didn’t expect changes immediately from the action she and the other students were taking.
Peck said she started the petition after she had talked to other people who felt similarly about the issue and then took it upon herself to do something about it.
“The people who signed it did it to help people in the future,” she says.
“I hope to get an area that graduate students can study in,” she says. 9
News issue 11
We’re two sisters living in the “Bermuda Triangle” next to the Uni, consisting of Knighton Road, May Street, and Cameron Road. After being burgled multiple times (three times in three months) and instead of just feeling helpless and victimised, we decided we’d fight back. My sister and I started going on “stake-outs” during the nights where burglaries happened most frequently. We’d keep an eye out over our road from our second storey for any dodgy activity. During these stakeouts, we’ve seen potential burglars casing out various places. One time, a young Maori guy came down our driveway carrying an empty beer box, making it look as though he’s going to a party - but he started looking in our windows! Another time, two guys were cycling around our ‘hood at 5am, casing out houses and signalling to each other using bird noises. Whenever we see anything dodgy like that we call the police. We’ve had terrible experiences with break-ins. The first was just shortly after we’d moved in, and hadn’t organised insurance. It took them only 20 minutes for them to gut the house, and we lost thousands of dollars worth of goods. The second time, a guy came into the lounge while my sister and her friends were sleeping on the floor, and he stole their phones and wallets around them while they slept. The third time, they broke into a bedroom window, but had failed to notice our alarm system which went off straight away. Whoever it was ripped their hoodie trying to get out in a hurry. Nothing was stolen that time, but a mess was made of the window frame. We started to learn how to spot suspicious activity and potential burglars. Earlier on in the year, my sister and our flatmate did a “stakeout” after getting a txt from the boys two houses down telling us that they’d been burgled. While looking out our second story window over our neighbour’s property (another neighbour’s, not the ones who had been burgled) there was a dodgy looking guy hanging around, casing
out the place, sitting around having smokes, and just loitering for no apparent reason. He was hanging around for almost an hour, when suddenly, when he thought the coast was clear, he dove behind our neighbour’s bush, and started jamming our other neighbour’s stolen property up his hoodie, including a PS3. The cops were called right away, and they apprehended the burglar, catching him red-handed with the stolen goods. He was easy to identify because he was on one of those tacky “pimped-out” chrome bikes. He was arrested and charged. Then, last Thursday, 22nd May, my sister and I were driving home when we saw a shady looking character hiding in the shadows by a house on Knighton Road. It appeared as though he had something stuffed under his hoodie. We drove past him again, and pulled over to keep an eye on him. He was hanging around this house for no apparent reason, looking sketchy. He changed positions a few times, choosing places in the shadows (behind the bus shelter and phone box) while keeping an eye on this one house. This house had no lights on, and the front and back windows were open. When it was clear something suspicious was going on, we called Hamilton Central Police Station, and they dispatched a unit. After speaking to the man, the Police arrested him and brought him to the station for questioning. The Sergeant called me the next day, and told me that the offender had been arrested and charged, after admitting that he had broken into the house. It’s been great putting two burglars away because we know that by keeping them off the street, it’s stopping other people having to suffer like we have. The police have been great to deal with, and they encourage anyone who sees suspicious activity to call them right away - and prevent more crime happening in our streets. Check out page 13 for this week’s police report, which has seen a marked decrease in burglaries – Ed
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$12.50 per person
June 2 2008
Despite his assertions that he had been promoting a serious issue, Victoria University Students’ Association (VUWSA) President Joel Cosgrove has become the target of widespread criticism from University staff and students following his decision to don an “I (heart) my penis” T-shirt to a recent graduation ceremony. Cosgrove, who was seated in the front row onstage alongside the University’s academic staff and management, wore the T-shirt proclaiming his love for his genitals during the afternoon ceremony for graduates of the Faculty of Humanities and Social Sciences on May 16. The T-shirt was part of a campaign jointly run by student representatives from Victoria and Massey (Wellington) universities, designed to encourage male students to get regular sexual health check-ups. Cosgrove was passed two notes during the ceremony written by staff managing the ceremony, requesting that he button his gown to cover up his T-shirt – the slogan on which was visible to many in the audience. Cosgrove’s gown, however, remained open. A recent blog post on the Salient website about Cosgrove’s attire at the ceremony attracted a wide range of comments. Some were amused by the T-shirt, while others described it as “offensive” and “insulting” to the graduates and their families in attendance. “I agree with the cause, disagree with the occasion,” graduate Laura McQuillan wrote.
Others were harsher in expressing their opinions: “Memories will be marred by images of you being an immature prat. Fuck you, you
T-shirt from the VUWSA offices hours before the ceremony, and disputed his claim that his decision that been an impromptu one.
cunt. I voted for you and you let me down.” “I don’t love Joel’s penis,” another declared. Cosgrove disputed the suggestion that the Tshirt had been an inappropriate choice for the occasion. “If I was playing silly buggers, yeah [it would have been inappropriate],” he said. “But it raised awareness about a serious issue.” He added that he had not received any negative responses since the ceremony, a claim disputed by VUWSA Campaigns Officer Sonny Thomas. “He’s lying,” Thomas said. “He’s gotten lots of negative feedback.” When Salient pointed out that a number of comments posted in response to blog post were critical of his choice to wear the T-shirt, Cosgrove asserted that he did not make his decisions based on the magazine’s website. “For all I know, it’s just Conrad [Salient political writer] posting under pseudonyms.” “I don’t regret it,” he said. “Hundreds of people asked what it meant. One guy came up to me and said I had balls. It brought the issue [of male sexual health check-ups] into discussion.” Cosgrove said he believed his T-shirt was not “out of character” with the rest of the ceremony. “It wasn’t a stiff upper lip ceremony. The orchestra had their own in-jokes, like when the played that tequila song [as one graduate walked across the stage].” The decision to wear the T-shirt, Cosgrove explained, was made at the last minute and he added that he wore a suit to the other five graduation ceremonies. “I was in a bit of a rush [that afternoon]. It seemed like a good idea at the time.” VUWSA Welfare Vice-President Melissa Barnard was present when Cosgrove purchased the
“I was here when he got his T-shirt,” she said. “He said he was going to wear it to graduation, I said not to… [I said] there is a place and a time for the cause.” While she could see the funny side, Barnard said she was “horrified” and expressed her concerns that Cosgrove’s stunt may detract from the campaign in the future. Welfare Vice-President of Massey Wellington Students’ Association (MAWSA) Nicole Skews, who devised the campaign, said she selected the slogan “I (heart) my penis” hoping “to get people’s attention in an overt way.” Members of the VUWSA Executive expressed their opinions about Cosgrove’s decision at their meeting last week, unanimously passing a motion of censure against their president. Thomas told Salient that Executive member Fiona McDonald, who graduated in that particular ceremony, was “most upset.” Similarly, reaction from University management has been largely disapproving of Cosgrove. According to Thomas, the University’s Chancellor Tim Beaglehole was overheard commenting on Cosgrove’s T-shirt, saying: “I don’t get it.” “There may have been an expletive in there,” Thomas said. Vice-Chancellor Pat Walsh said he was “very disappointed” with Cosgrove’s decision as well as his “conviction that it was right to wear it [at the ceremony].” “Graduation is a highlight for most students… To have to walk past the president of their own association wearing such an offensive garment upset many students and diminished the occasion for them.”
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News issue 11
Roger Douglas to students: “You’re foolish” By Andrew Neal
Photos by Andrew Neal Students are “foolish for taking bribes” in the
Douglas’ speech was mostly focussed on his
The crowd in attendance appeared to consist
last elections, according to Act Party leader Sir Roger Douglas, who addressed Waikato University students last Wednesday.
“20 point plan” and how creating an extra $500 a week for New Zealanders would see the economy overtake Australia by 2020.
of primarily Act supporters and questions did not approach issues further than issues of property tax and how people can support Act.
In a lecture room full of mostly Act On Campus members and Act supporters, Douglas spoke mostly of financial reforms and avoided student issues even when directly asked, simply replying: “I couldn’t claim to be an expert on that matter, in fact I wouldn’t have a clue,” Douglas said. “Students are foolish for taking bribes offered in the last election.”
The meeting was organised by economics student (and Nexus columnist) Fergus Hodgson, apparently without Act On Campus’ knowledge.
One of his main points was the way in which privatisation of public assets such as education and health and a major cut down in government spending would see every New Zealander profit by $500 a week.
The Act On Campus group said this was a “hostile move” by Hodgson, but he maintains that it was by chance the forum was arranged after he met Douglas at a conference and was not able to contact the group to inform them of the meeting.
Roger Douglas has been in politics for nearly fifty years as an MP for many parties but most notably as Minister of Finance for the Labour government between 1984 and 1988. He was knighted in 1994 for his work.
‘It was twenty years ago today, that Sgt. Nexus began to play’ Monday 11th May, 1987 Nexus began, according to printed record, in the magical and mysterious year of 1967. Waikato University was turning three years old, and students wanted a way to voice their opinions. However, Nexus hasn’t been the only student newspaper lying around campus in the past twenty years. In June 1964, the WSU wrote to the Dunedin student newspaper, “Critic”, asking for help in setting up a Waikato-based student newspaper. It was to be known as “Caustic”. Everything was running smoothly, the printing contract was signed, and the future looked bright. But, unfortunately, “Caustic” never made it to the shelves.
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Instead, “Kato” Vol. 1, No. 1, came out in 1965. The student newspaper cost 6d (pence) to purchase and consisted of a whopping six pages. “Kato” was the first; however, it was apparently not the most thrilling student newspaper. The student paper scene greatly improved in 1967. “Kato” became “Waikato Student” and free to all students. However, censorship was a major issue. This gave birth to “Broadsheet”, an independent Waikato student newspaper, which claimed to be, “…an unofficial bulletin published by a group of students who believe that any sort of censorship is incompatible with the ideals of academic freedom”. Its first issue contained a main article about lesbians which was banned and censored from “Waikato Student”.
June 2 2008
East Hamilton Police Burglary Report 19th - 26th May 2008 Last week 9 burglaries have occurred in the Hamilton East / rural areas, some of their locations are indicated on the map. It’s get news that the burglaries are down to single figures. With the hard work of Police and the help from the general public, including University students, we all have reduced house break-in. Unfortunately in some cases, the victims of these break-ins are still making it far too easy for offenders to enter. In one case front door keys were left in the door accidentally. In other cases, victims are still leaving door and windows open, thinking that they are still safe.
Security Advice: Though you have read this time and time again, please lock you house up when you leave. Don’t rely on your flatmates, it’s up to you. I know that most students don’t have a lot of money and that some of you aren’t insured. Wouldn’t it make sense to protect your valuables?
Offenders are still targeting Laptops and other such items. If you have these items at home when you leave, please hide them away. Offenders have only a limited time once inside, so if you can hide these items away then it might not be taken.
Information on how to protect your home is available from the East Hamilton Community Policing Centre on Clyde St. Contact Constable Nick Sickelmore at Nicholas.Sickelmore@police.govt. nz
Consumer confidence takes big hit – survey Survey points out the obvious Cheers, NZ Herald Ignorance: bliss
Lombard group collapse distressing, but unavoidable, says ex chair Graham “’Course it’s inevitable When I was chairman, I was terrible!”
George Clooney: Single again Old suave dog Clooney Is single again Attatched women, ditch your men!
Geeky monkeys use brainwaves to control robots Our worst fears, compiled Sentient simians Wielding robots servile
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The Long and Winding Road The first day of the University Experience is usually a joyous occasion, shared by all first-year students. Mine was no exception. My eyes were pried open wider than Alex DeLarge’s as I began my knowledge-acquiring journey. However, as I rode down Knighton Road, with a simile upon my dial and light summer rain falling down, my euphoric bubble burst, crashed, and burnt to the ground. A very, very inconsiderate motorist drove straight through the May Street left give-way
that this despicable motor-swine didn’t even stop, or realise what they had done! Now, I believe I speak on behalf of all my two-wheeled brothers: the motorcyclists, cyclists, and scooterists , when I say, “You fourwheeled, gas gosling metal monstrosities need to be more considerate to those of us on twowheels!” Riding through the CBD, or around campus roads has now become a matter-oflife-and-death, with crazy driving, impatience, and road rage. Some drivers believe that since they’re safe and warm inside they’re own little box, it won’t affect them if they collide with a
just doesn’t seem to through to some people. Moron drivers causes for drastic measures. Give a damn! Patience and tolerance aren’t common in everybody’s vocabulary, but all motorists must learn to share the road together. Soaring petrol prices is making more of us get our bums on bikes, or less petrol-consuming vehicles. If you are driving a car, then you should always be consciously aware of two-wheeled motorists. If you want to drive fast and reckless, then go go-carting, or take a rally driving course. Suburban streets are not made to speed on,
intersection, oblivious of the fact you give-way at intersections! By the time I could react, or brake, my fate was already sealed like a fresh coat of hot, slippery tar. From utopia to dystopia in the blink of an eye; my beautiful baby and I ate the road. What really grinds my gears about this incident, wasn’t my expensively damaged panels, my bleeding limbs, or, even the embarrassment; it’s
two-wheeled vehicle; therefore, they don’t pay any attention or consideration to two-wheeled creatures. I have experienced and witnessed this first-hand countless times, with many close calls and full on crashes. But, of course you’ll know if you ever cut me off. I am the guy who holds his horn down, taps on your window, and raises his finger, while yelling abuse from my helmet. OTT? Maybe, but the message
especially at peak traffic times. Be considerate to your fellow motorists; it is not a race. If you get stuck behind a slow learner driver, don’t get angry, instead think back to the first time you drove on the road and how bloody scary that was. Always wait for two-wheeled vehicles to ride past before making a turn. Don’t try and be Cassius and beat them to the punch, because it always ends up in a knock-out for us.
By Grant Burns
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Txts to the Editor! Nexus now has a semi-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. They can be about anything – but if it’s something in the magazine, so much the better. We’ll print the best ones, so get texting! Texts should include a name to attribute them to. If, like all of this week’s, they don’t – sorry. You lose. No CD’s for you. Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Busted-type situations to 021 235 8436. Can you do it? Yes you can!
Chemistry majors enjoy life a little too much
LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz
It has finally happened. I have been pissed off by a letter in Lettuce one too many times. I swore I would never be the type who would need to vent to a publication, particularly a free one, but that time has come. Awarding Lettuce of the week to a guy complaining about how uni is a waste of time has made me throw away my elistist ideal and say what the? A university magazine (albeit an independant one) awards a guy for
his realisation that uni is not for him! And not only was it a complaint about how he’d rather drink himself to obvilion and masturbate all day than get an education, he blamed society for making him feel bad about not wanting to catergorise himself and just have fun, citing university as a means of mass producing people with labels and sad lives. Mate- Society Smociety go revel in your bumness and come back to university when you realise how sweet it actually is to have access to all this knowledge and how awesome it is to learn new stuff ALL the time. Conversely change your major to Chemistry where we welcome
drunken masturbators and get over the funk you’re in! I vote Nexus has a “If you can’t say something nice don’t say it at all” Lettuce next issue, which isn’t actually just a blank page, just to show there are positives about life at uni. Let’s decrease the suicide rate in Hamilton for a week and show we’re not actually a whole city full of moaners. By all means after that week go back to finding things wrong about every aspect of life!
See ya later boi
Fashion Police #1
Dear unicycling pricks and skateboarding anal bandits, Kindly fuck off. You make walking on campus in the mornings and evenings a noisy, hazardous exercise. Pedestrianism is now something akin to Frogger, only more painful and less entertaining – a pox on you all.
Dear Nexus, I would like to make some comments on the fashion show on the 28th. The show was lovely, the organisation was perfect, a fantastic job by the organisers and a credit to the whole WSU. Upon hearing about it, I was very impressed that the WSU was taking an interest in ‘No diet day’. The show promised a range of models, all shapes and sizes, to encourage us to “challenge the media image”.
I was looking forward to seeing this image challenged. However as the models came out, my disappointment grew. None of the models looked anything like the ‘challenge the stereotype’ models I expected. The only real difference was in height, they all still had figures much smaller than the average New Zealand woman (as was pointed out in the show) which is size 14. Perhaps I expected too much. Once again the show was very well organised, it would just be nice to see some real sized women.From Disappointed
Uncaring Disregards, Crushed Scrotum
Maria
THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!
PH 07 856 6813
FAX 07 856 2255
ADDRESS Gate 5 Hillcrest Road
WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP
EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz 15
Fashion Police #2 Dear Nexus, I am writing in regard to the ‘No Diet Fashion Show’ that was put on in the S-Block foyer on the 28th May. When I heard about this event I was impressed that the Uni was highlighting the negative image the media portrays as the ‘perfect’ figure, but upon going to the show and watching the models come out one by one, I was disappointed to see that they were all the same shape and approx size (this being around an 8-10). As the title of the show and the article in Issue 10 Nexus indicated that it was going to be all shapes and sizes, I felt that the only difference between these models was the height. One of the questions asked to the
goodie bags. We were clearly in the first 100 and as the guy that had filled us with hope and excitement of the prospect of a semi-satisfying lunch got to us, he said “Sorry guys. Girls only. You can stay and watch the show though”... WATCH THE SHOW!?! This prick promised us food!!! If we weren’t entitled to receive the food and drink, as we some what didn’t make the physical requirements, then he should have said so in the first place. Rather than play on the fact that food would be there..even though we were never going to get a single bight anyway. It makes me sick that in today’s modern society men and women still cannot be treated equally. Yours sincerely Pat McCrotch & Sally Sexist.
audience in the show was ‘what is the average size female in New Zealand?’ this answer was a size 14. None of the models came close to being a size 14 let alone above it. This show was supposed to be able promoting all different shapes and sizes and it did not successfully do this. Regards Pip
You kinda jumped the gun then, Pseudonyms. I’m still stuffed from the chow they had there. The goodie bags were limited but the food wasn’t. Damn good food, too. The pizza was excellent. The wine tasted like oven cleaner smells but that stopped mattering after the first couple – Ed.
Seeing as both of you wrote in about six seconds after the fashion show finished, I guess this must have been really on your mind. Your magical ability to measure models with your eyes is a bit out, though; the girls actually ranged from size 6 to size 14. When you say “real-sized women,” do you mean “fat?” Because once you get much over size 14, you’re starting to get that way. The fact is, according to the organiser, no women over size 14 wanted to be part of the fashion show. The show was about encouraging a healthy body image, which I think it pulled off brilliantly – very different from saying “It’s okay to be fat/obese,” which is a health problem in itself which is growing rapidly worse – Ed. Fashion Police #3 As first year students my mate and I saw the prospect of free food and drink as a fairly good reason to go watch a fashion show. As this is what uni is all about isn’t it? free stuff? The weird man that gave us the details said that in return of watching this fashion show we will receive: free nibbles, drink (alcoholic and nonalcoholic) and ‘goodie bags’ for the first 100 people. Sadly this was not the case. Tickets were handed out to the awaiting audience, mostly female, to receive their drink, food and 16
A coffee too far? I personally take exception to the “café review” from the Nexus issue of 19 May, 2008. In his review of Momento City, Thunder McLoud demonstrates his ineptitude for reviewing cafes. Let us put aside this Highlander wanna-be’s self-contradictory assertions about dry/tasty cake, awesome /no flow décor etc. and move to his assessment of coffee (and the fact that Momento is actually on the corner of Hood, not Knox, and Victoria Streets. I’ve been preparing espresso now for almost eight years and still it is highly amusing when consumers complain about their “milky” flat white/ cappuccino/latte. These drinks, by definition, are milky! As for the “screaming grinder”: Hunter, would you prefer Baristas to use a motar and pestle? To be honest with you Hunter, I think you know next to fuck all about cafés. If you thought your carrot cake may have been slightly under-baked (i.e. too moist), I would be very interested to know how you came to the conclusion that it must have been two days old (cake tends to dry out as it ages, not moisten). I don’t pen this letter in order to refute your assertions about our place of work, but rather to have Nexus readers understand that you know nothing about what you review.
Questions / Comments? Come see me at Momento-Mobile near L-Block. Angry Joe. Mmmm, student culture Dear Scatman, Who the fuck do you think you are? Who the fuck do you think you are to go around claiming that anything that isn’t drinking or partys isn’t as you put it ‘student culture’?. Who are the masses? You and your mates? It amazes me that you can be so arrogant of everything that isn’t what YOU consider to be important. Have you ever considered that there are people out there who actually like to do other things? Don’t get me wrong, I really like reading AJ’s karnage column but just remember that there are university students who aren’t just here to get drunk as fuck everyday of the week; and I’m pretty sure that the ‘geeks and fucken weirdos’ outnumber you 10 to 1. It’s great to see that you are able to pass judgement and classify everyone at university though, I mean there are people that spend 5-10 years working on PHD’s trying to define culture, and you just divided 15,000 students into 3 groups; con-fucking-gratulations. Thunder MCLOUD a.k.a Steven Hitchcock p.s I’ll make sure i put some nice pictures and colouring in sections for you and your mates next week; from what i can make from your letter, some of the words i use are a bit intense for you. Nexus Is MY private in-joke, not yours Dear ScatmanI’m going to start by assuming you got your nom de plume after your ‘friends’ caught you collapsed in a pile of your own shite and puke in The Outback crappers. A proud moment for you, I’m sure. Or perhaps it comes from the fact that you’re an asshole. I don’t know, both seem equally as likely at this point. If we were to fill The Nexus with things considered of value by you we might as well change its title to ‘Woman’s Day’. All it would contain would be critiques of Lacoste’s latest pink stripy polo design, and pictures of your friends in embarrassing situations at parties that no-one but you cares about. Here’s some news for you: Not everyone likes the same
base, irrelevant, shitbox journalism that you do. Nexus is not your private in-joke. If you can read this, feel free to reply (that is, if they teach you literacy in your BSpLS). Sincerely, Jake. Getting your statistics from the drugs you’re taking: Priceless, moronic I just had the most amazing sleep under a tree. I can fully see where the hippy generation spawned from. Staying up all night staring at the stars then watching the sunrise is one of the most euphoric experiences a person can have. Today’s society needs another generation of hippies; people who actually care about how beautiful the world can be rather than people who are just simply living their lives, oblivious to their surroundings. You don’t have to be a tree-hugger to get involved, but the point is to get out there and do something! Student participation in clubs and support for the WSU has plummeted this year. How sad is it that we don’t even care enough about our university environment to have our say when we have the opportunity. We’re racking up massive student loans to be here, so why aren’t we making the most of it? Also, the elections are coming up and a surprising amount of us haven’t even enrolled yet... this is our future we’re throwing away! We need to stand up and be heard, not sink into the background noise. It’s insanity. And yes, I’m on drugs. From, Addicted to Life It’s called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Now, send me $500 for the diagnosis Dear Nexus There’s something disturbing about the rooms around this uni. Everyday I walk into my classes and tutorials and I see cobwebs all over the freaking place and every time I have an inkling feeling on the back of my neck or arms or legs, I feel like it’s a spider or something. Those of you who have classes in management block and the teaching block would know what I am talking about. We pay huge money to be here and in return it would be much appreciated if the rooms we study in are atleast clean. Pretty sure the authorities sitting at
the top do not have dirty offices (maybe they do who knows). So whoever’s in charge of making this beautiful (so they say) uni clean please do make sure that you are not just focusing on the outside. The insides need a bit of clean too. Clearly disgruntled I don’t know how you walk past the lakes without positively freaking out if you’re worried about things like cobwebs – Ed. Regular Student Who Loves To Have A Great Time This goes out to Scatman and the guy who texted about the puzzle page; hope you’re reading. If you don’t like the content in the magazine, why don’t you do something about it? Sure you can letter-write, but don’t forget that Nexus is answerable to the WSU i.e. you. Good on you for stepping up and calling us out for filling the magazine with crap and shitty reviews and boring puzzle pages, aimed at a minority of the student population. Even though the majority of the student population are regular students that love to have a great time, you are amongst the very few with balls enough to say it. Good for you. Since you’re all part of the students union, and you have a director of student culture, why not do something about this? I’ve met AJ, and he seems like an intelligent, reasonable guy, so it shouldn’t be difficult for you and him to marshall the majority of the student population (who will be able to outvote the minority who enjoy Nexus the way it is) and make us write about student culture and regular students who love to have a great time. With regards to the puzzle page, it only is made by Flash Medallion when he’s not romancing because no-one else has offered to make it. Text-in guy, why don’t you make it? Everyone: If there’s something you think should be in Nexus, then do it, find someone who will, or at least give us some ideas (that are more specific than ‘student culture’ or ‘not boring’). Keep in mind that in this magazine except for News and whatever the Editor does is made by people for free, in their own time. If you don’t like it, do better. If you can’t, use your Union to make the volunteers do it. Fuck, if you can find us 36 pages worth of student culture (while keeping the advertising revenue so that it can be published) every week, I bet you could
convince Josh the Editor to make every page of every issue about regular students who love to have a great time. vitaminC
Texts to the Editor It’s not legal to do that in lectures, you know It’s fantastic that you chose a picture of a relatively hot chick flashing your pic of the week. It made my Monday morning lecture less boring. Kudos Nexus I take it you weren’t looking at her face, then. The expression she’s got makes her look like she ate a bunch of green lemons, swiftly followed by being hit in the face with a shovel. I had to look up “polymath” too see if this was a compliment or not ed, loved the 48 hour article, something of a polymath, aren’t you? please keep the sleep deprived art coming(in terms of article topics, not your agony columnist) Oh no, they’re on to us Hy nexus. Just wantin 2 confirm if da nexus hs a fetish with old man andrew james? He seez 2 hav hs picture n evry nexus! Watz up wid dat? It just happens. AJ’s partying something like eight nights a week and people send in pictures. He loves it. A little too excited? Whoa! How gud was bustd this week! Lets up the amount of breast-a-sis in thea and il start paying for nexus. Picturs are good. tits r beta. I’ll do you a favour. 1.) Go to Google. 2.) Uncheck the “use safe search” option. 3.) Do an image search for “boobs.” 4.) Try not to hurt yourself. You said you’d pay, so just send me a blank cheque. You fail at life Dear nexus. I want to try my new pick up line. would it work ? …I shat my pants, can i get into yours? Oh yeah, that’d work awesome. Please try it. Make sure you’ve got someone taking photos though. I’d love to get a busted pic of a bunch of girls stabbing a guy to death with their high heels. 17
Karnage Kolumn
By your attention-deficit host, AJ Con nuestros poderes combinados somos el equipo de tema ultimo. With our powers combined we are the ultimate theme team! On that note I attended a monstrous party on the 17th of the fifth month of the year. It was a threesome of flat-warmings at Snead Place and woah woah what an epic occasion. The input of liquid started in the a.m with beer and cornflakes the ideal meal. The gathering’s occupants were blessed with the option of 7 funnels, with only 3 of the 7 making it through the night’s abuse. The theme of the night was teams and hell…there were some memorables. Teletubbies, lifeguards, homeless bums, the wizard of oz crew, girls of the playboy mansion, and the tranny grannys were among the most dedicated, with Speedy and his flatmates hiring animal costumes which figured largely in town. Rumour is that a sheep was snapped doing a taxi run into town from CAB61, the cabs magnet is now located on the kitchen’s fridge in one of three flats that were warmed up. The best story behind the costume choice is Cheka and his boys who dressed as hospital patients. In the final Chiefs home game Cheka was the recipient of a broken collar bone, in turn he made a visit to the local emergency centre and illegally accumulated oxygen masks, arm slings and scrubs in which the boys dressed in for the night. A phantom cable was taken by one of the party-goers and this still yet to be discovered although I’ve heard it was thrown in disgust on the roof of the neighbours. A Portaloo was hired for the occasion and in the process of taking it back to its rightful owner the next morning, the driver crashed it into the side of
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the house, destructing the roof and required a cash job which included the driver giving head to the handy-man. In respect to the hosts, they notified the authorities before the karn, not to forget the 3-way flat inspection the day after at 4pm…fuck that! The ‘mancave’ was in full force with multiple strobes and dance music cranking the garage all night, many a member will be returning to the cave for repeats. The basketball hoop got a thrashing along with the maggots that got ‘face dents’ from loose chucks from the attempted James’ and Bryants’. Next week there are a couple of get-togethers I am reviewing, look forward to a chick getting tied down to a ute and some muppet that indented his own garage door by running at it equipped with only a helmet. Autobots, transform and roll out! Decepticons, eat shit!
exus The N
ts
Presen
eal, drew N ond, An Parnell m m u r ua D hris By Josh ckstock and C la B e is Lou
Right around now, you’re getting ready for exams, where the knowledge you’ve picked up in months of studying will be assessed. You’ll go in, confident that regular lecture attendance, tutorial turning-up, and your dedicated studying and research skills will stand you in good stead. Or not. This guide is for the rest of you. The ones who get by on wits, charm, and the ability to lie with a straight face. The extension-getters. The last-minute crowd. The deadline-chasers. The Bullshitters. Trust us. We know.
How to write an essay:
How To Not Procrastinate By Louise Blackstock
• S. E. X. Statement, Explanation, Example. You probably heard this in high school. Well, it works. For most uni work, add an “F” for “footnote.” To remember, think: “S.E.X? Fuck.” • Don’t use more big words than you need. A good essay can be understood by anyone ages 12 and up. • Proofread. Out loud. Or get a friend to. If it doesn’t make sense when you say it, then it doesn’t make sense on paper. • Ask your lecturer what you’re doing wrong. And what you’re doing right. They’ll tell you. • If you’re still stumped, go to the Teaching and Learning Development Unit (TLDU) on campus. They can really help you out. • That is all.
So you think you work better under pressure, huh? Lies. Name one last-minute assignment you’ve done that wouldn’t have benefited from a little more time. Are you unmotivated? Maybe you’re stressed or a perfectionist. Are you scared of your lecturer? Do you have crap study habits that involve tenminute breaks every six minutes? Or do you have a self-esteem problem? The rad people at Student and Academic Services have donated some handy advice which may help you in your attempts to not fail everything. • Plan for small blocks of study time rather than marathon sittings. Do a timetable for yourself and give yourself twice as long as you need to do them, because that’s how long it will end up taking. • Remember you will need breaks (just not every six minutes). • Don’t wait for inspiration to strike, because it might not. Just start muddling your way through it. You might find your motivation later. And if you don’t, at least you’ve written something. • If you’re a perfectionist, do a rough draft. • Don’t have people around you who tempt you to do other, less important stuff. The movies can wait. Don’t let people say “Hey, 19
check out this new Salad Fingers episode on YouTube”, because next thing you’ll have wasted an hour or two watching cartoons
For example, if the animals are expected to make a response, say, every 30 seconds, obviously at the beginning of those 30 seconds
We don’t know a lot about brains and learning processes. One thing we do know is that sleep is important in establishing new knowledge.
(and crying in the foetal position if you’ve been watching Salad Fingers) • Sometimes working with a buddy or group helps because you can motivate each other. But sometimes it doesn’t and you ditch everything to go to Burger King. Don’t. • Break everything into little tasks and make a list. Then you can tick it. Ticking stuff off a list is as satisfying as that moment when you set your essay to double-spacing and watch your assignment magically become twice as long. There’s even a Facebook group for that. I found it when I was procrastinating. • Another suggestion from Student Services was to write down the reasons why this task is important to you. But that might be wasting time you could spend working. • Reward yourself for finishing tasks. • Set priorities. This might mean letting go of activities that aren’t important right now; saying ‘no’ to people who have expectations of you; valuing the really important things.
it makes no difference whether they make a response or not, because towards the end of that period there’s an ever-increasing chance that the response they make will lead to the delivery of food. What we observe in animals is called ‘fixed interval scallop’ (we say it’s a scallop because of the shape it makes on a graph).
With animals, you can train them on a particular task, and you set them aside to rest for 24 hours and then turn them back to the task, they’ll often be better at the task, even though they’ve had no further opportunity to practice. They’ll be better after sleep than they were directly after working on the task. And on the other side, sleep deprivation (if you cram to the point where you don’t get enough sleep the night before) massively impacts on performance on memory tasks that any student may have in exams. So cramming per se may not be a problem, but the absence of sleep before an exam, or the absence of enough sleep, is certainly a problem.
Visualisation is pretty good too, apparently. And meditation. But I can’t vouch for either. They sound cool, though.
Why You Procrastinate: an interview with Dr James McEwan of Waikato University’s Psychology Department Is there a scientific reason as to why people procrastinate? It’s not clear, but what we do know is that not just people, but animals procrastinate too. Our research shows that with animals in laboratory settings, if something has to be done at a particular time, they will learn to do no work towards it until that time is very close to due. 20
So deadlines make people work harder? Human beings with an assignment are on a fixed interval as well. It’s not the same interval for each assignment, but it’s at a particular time, e.g. 4pm on Thursday. And of course, if I don’t do any work towards my assignment six months beforehand then that’s of no consequence. The closer I get to the due date, the more important it becomes to work on my assignment at any given moment, because I’m reducing the opportunities I have to work on it the closer I get to the deadline. So six months before the assignment, I have an infinite array of possibilities to do some work on it, and I’m not particularly forfeiting any opportunities if I choose to go to the pub one night with friends instead. As time goes on, you get less hours to work on it So basically, it becomes more likely that you’ll spend time working on it, because you can’t afford not to. Some folks take it to the extreme- they spend the four hours between 12pm and 4pm before its due working on it. That’s essentially what we see happening with both humans and animals. Does cramming actually work, in order to pass exams? Does it actually give your brain a chance to properly retain the information?
So sleep is highly recommended? I would recommend sleep as a key ingredient before exams. Try to get those eight hours of sleep, because you run the risk of cramming, and then even the things you knew before you started cramming might be forgotten due to sleep deprivation. We know sleep deprivation causes competent drivers to have motor accidents, and it has caused many airline accidents. Best study food to eat? There have been a number of papers on this, and to the best of my knowledge, none are particularly important. Sugar highs and caffeine highs have the charm of keeping you awake, but that’s all they have, and they unfortunately contribute to the problem I just mentionedsleep deprivation. Stimulants are no substitute for the sleep you will still require if your brain’s going to be able to deliver at exam time.
How to Procrastinate: Everyone procrastinates. I even procrastinated before writing this article. Hoo boy, is there lots to keep you entertained now that the internet exists. Before that, people would have had to procrastinate with, like, books. And gramophones. And spamming people with telegrams. I think you can still send telegrams, actually, so maybe I should try that sometime. Other common ways of procrastinating include: • YouTube- endless, mindless videos. In fact, substitute “YouTube” for “The Internet” • Wikipedia – sure, you’re learning stuff, but not one line of it is actually relevant to what you’re meant to be doing • Alphabetising stuff- like your CDs. And then reorganising them by coolness. • TV - ‘nuff said. • Talking to your flatmates about absolutely nothing. • Even... chores. Your kitchen is never cleaner than when you have a big assignment. Or maybe it’s never clean at all. • Drinking can be a good way of making yourself feel smart, only to realise the morning after how stupid you are • Drive around screaming at pedestrians. Apparently a lot of people in Hamilton have already discovered this particular procrastination method.
The dangerous lives of plagiarists Plagiarism means presenting as one’s own work the work of another, and includes
the copying or paraphrasing of another person’s work in an assessment item without acknowledging it as the other person’s work through full and accurate referencing; it applies to assessment presented through a written, spoken, electronic, broadcasting, visual, performance or other medium. The above definition has been copied and pasted from the University’s Assessment Regulations website. I didn’t plagiarise it, see? (I didn’t reference it properly though.) You get punished for swiping other people’s ideas. Plagiarism and cheating (1) Guidelines for sourcing and referencing styles appropriate to particular disciplines are available from the Schools of Studies/Faculty/ College and the Library. (2) Plagiarism is prohibited. Dumbass. (3) It is not a defence against a charge of plagiarism for a student to argue that he or she did not act intentionally in appropriating the writing or work of another person; however, the extent to which the student is judged to have plagiarised intentionally, and the level and standard of scholarship that might reasonably be expected of the student, may be factors in the determination of any disciplinary action to be taken against the student. (4) Cheating in any matter connected with assessment is prohibited. And remember, kids – as the saying goes, “to steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”
Exam cram: Pathways Study Tips With Trish Strang and Andrea Haines Interview by Andrew Neal Trish: I’d like to study starts in the middle of the semester. Good note taking at the beginning of the assessment, good note taking in lectures, summarising readings. Thinking about the themes in the lectures, keeping those all neatly filed and that time management thing Andrea: Also keeping a really good eye on your course outline, looking at the aims and objectives in your course because one of the things students often come to us and they say ‘I don’t really know what to study’ and they don’t really know how to write an essay that the lecturer’s looking for, and we often say to them “well, what kind of thinking do they want you to do?” and all of a sudden it’s like this big light bulb comes on. It does make a huge difference. T: Review your notes and the readings that you’ve kept and filed. Look at old exam papers, they’re in the library. A; Prepare your work with the way you’re being tested in mind. T: Of course there’s the reviewing process, making the mind maps and all those strategies. A: And finding out how you learn best. Many of us are visual learners so you could convert your lecture notes into something like nice big pictures, mind maps and picture maps and that helps you to learn. Some people learn very well if they put things onto tape or talk about it with other people. T: Another one is perhaps creating a schedule for your revision. Allowing a little bit of time for taking some time off and slotting all your subjects in. So that your giving them.
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A: We’re all sort of different, but being aware of what is going to be tested and many courses now are very helpful in terms of providing you with plenty of clues. It’s very important to go to the last lecture and to go to those last tutorials because so many clues are given in that time. A lot of students most of their time is spent doing stuff on computers and exams
Many of these buzzwords are interchangeable within different schools of study – these will be marked with an asterisk*
The easiest subject to bullshit through for a
• Ibid* Not strictly a legal term, but Latin that makes your footnotes look awesome. Nothing says “I know my shit,” like saying Ibid. It means “as before.” Use in footnotes that share a reference to save time • Supra* Similar to Ibid, for use in footnotes. I never really found out what it meant or how to use it, but every time I said something like
mean you’re often sitting there for three hours – people can get really sore hands. Because they’re not used to actually writing. So many lectures now are on Power Point and you have to write so little you’re not used to that constant writing. T: If you’re writing you’ve got to be thinking logically because on the computer you can go back and cut and past and change it. So it is quite a different writing style A: And a different writing strategy as well.I often advise students to perhaps get a couple of questions and then time themselves and how am I going to plan/organise this. Make sure you read the exam paper to see if things are worth equal marks or not. T: The first thing you should do in an exam is stick your hand up and ask for extra paper. A: And take your ID card. T: Take more than one pen is another. Nothing worse than sitting there and having your pen run out. And take a hanky so that the person next to you doesn’t have to put up with your sniffing.
reason – law is the very art of bullshit, even more so than economics.
supra n 4 at 6 in a footnote I got a big tick next to it.
The Nexus Buzzword Dictionary By Josh and Chris Ah, buzzwords. We’d never have made it without them. Buzzwords, used properly in an essay, will be the difference between a pass and a fail. Lecturers just love ‘em. Here are some that Nexus volunteers and staff have found useful over the years, presented school by school, and with no-nonsense definitions that you won’t find in any real dictionary.
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LAW
• Tiro Rangatiratanga – you can estimate your mark in any given law essay by the amount of times you use this term. Take your projected percentage – say, 38% - and add five percentage points for every time you use this term. Broadly, it means “sovereignty,” but the real secret is it can mean whatever you want it to. • Kawanatanga – see above, except Kawanatanga is a Bad Word whereas Tino Rangatiratanga is a Good Word. This is what the Maori ceded in the Maori-language version of the Treaty of Waitangi. Basically means “governorship.” • Colonialism – ooh. Remember this baby. Colonialism is what Europeans Did To Maori. Self-loathing is your best bet for a good essay mark if you’re white. • Post-colonialism – similar to above, except “post” is like a multiplier for “colonialism.” Means “Stuff That Happened After What Europeans Did To Maori” • Ideology* – Means “what people think about stuff.” Can be used anywhere, anytime, for any reason. You know how people say “um” when they’re making a speech, to stall for time? Ideology is like that, only in essays. • Marxism* – the deluded fantasies of an angry ex-Jew in Germany, with some added ranting about economics and class. Much like Big Brother in 1984, learn to love Marx and you’re on the path to success. But only in academia. Once into the commercial side of law, you must learn to hate Marx with a passion.
SCREEN AND MEDIA STUDIES/PRETTY MUCH ANY SUBJECT IN THE FASS Second only to Law for pure bullshit-ability, Screen and Media Studies is the study of people’s opinions about stuff. Brilliant. Say whatever you bloody well like, add buzzwords, and you have a SMST essay. • Intertextualism* – We have no idea what this means. Chances are, you don’t either. We’re not sure it means anything at all – apart from being a secret word amongst lecturers. Every time they read it in an essay, they have an orgasm. Very good for marks. • Verisimilitude – How taken up you are with something, basically. Only use in the real world is in pretentious movie reviews. Use in SMST essays for mega-marks • Mise-en-scene – the way a scene is constructed. Use caution with this one. Like many French-derived words, it can be easy to look like you don’t know what you’re talking about • Signs/signifiers – the Holy Grail of SMST, these two words are all you’ll need. Remember: Signs=signs. Signifiers=stuff that points to signs. That is all. Use as many times as possible. Before every fifth verb is good.
• Feminist cyborg theory – Women have to become one with technology to overcome man. We’re not making this up. Think Marxist exoskeletons with built-in vibrators. Use only once in a given essay.
POLITICAL SCIENCE Ragging on the US will earn you major brownie points in this subject. Basically, just think “What would Osama Bin Laden say?” • Power* – the ability to convince someone to do something they wouldn’t necessarily do otherwise. Think “voting for people like George W Bush,” and you’ve got it. • Sovereignty* – concept that each state constitutes the highest authority in its own territory. Again, use in reference to George W Bush and the invasion of Iraq: “The USA violated Iraq’s sovereignty.” • Non-proliferation – efforts to contain the spread of weapons technology, particularly nuclear. Once again, with reference to the Land of the Free: “The US has refused to sign non-proliferation treaties.” • Unilateralism* – when one state chooses to act alone, not wanting the support of other states. “The US acted unilaterally.” • Interdiction - to delay, disrupt, or destroy enemy forces or supplies en route to the destination. “The US uses interdiction in the ‘war against drugs.’”
MANAGEMENT Where ordinary humans are transformed into faceless middle-management drone-clones. • Globalisation* – means what it sounds like. Ever-rapacious corporations get bigger and bigger taking over smaller ones until they run the world. In the Bizzaro World of Management, this is a good thing. Use often.
• Efficiency – This is what we get from privatising stuff, apparently. In reality, what happens is the new owners run the formerly state-owned asset into the ground while feathering their own nests. They retire, hugely wealthy, and the government buys the asset back at a massive loss. See “NZ Rail” for details • Effectiveness - See above, only with more
connotations of fevered prayers that you chose the right number to go with out of the possible eight that the equipment was displaying per experiment, and is thus risky. • Indeterminate – Vague qualifying term used when you don’t know what the fuck a number is, but you damned well know how you got it. • Pure Sine-wave Generator – Piece of
“n’s and s’s.” • Resource allocation – Allocating resources. For instance “let’s suck the Third World dry by strategically allocating resources” • Sustainability – What corporations don’t do • TQM (Total Quality Management) – What corporations don’t do with their products. • PPPP (Product, Place, Promotion, Price) – The secret Marketing mantra that transforms hapless giggling first year girls and hapless giggling Lacoste-wearing douchebag first year boys into heartless money-driven drones who die unhappy and unfulfilled. Ha-ha! • Survey – The worse swear-word in the flat of a marketing student, whose flatmates are forced to participate in survey after survey after survey because apparently that’s the only thing that marketing kids do for four years.
equipment that retails around a thousand dollars. The Pure Sine Wave Generator I bought this year with my course-related-costs happens to be a 37” 1080i HD model that you can plug a PS3 into.
SCIENCE • Agreement – Vague qualifying term used to violently mould your results into what they should have been e.g. “The experimental result X was in agreement with the theoretical value Y, which suggests I should get a B”. • Congruent – Vague qualifying term used when your results are what they should have been e.g. “The reading on the slaughterometer was congruent with the theoretical prediction of “wanton”, which suggests I should get an A”. • Roughly – Vague qualifying term used when your 1977-issue lab equipment can’t find a steady reading for more than a bloody half-second. The use of this word carries
SPORTS AND LEISURE STUDIES You don’t need to write essays/be able to write for this, so we’ve included a handy vocabulary guide • Ugh – noise indicating location of desired object. As in “Ugh! Beer!” • Ugh – Noise indicating sexual desire. As in “ugh! Hott!” • Ugh – The sound made when entering a rugby scrum. As in “Ugh! My ears and brain cells!” • Ugh – vague qualifying term as to why the utterer is a complete and utter moron. As in “Why was your Management 101 essay late, Phineas?” “Ugh.” • Ugh – The current state of public opinion on sports and leisure institutions in a given social environment. This is related to the current public profile of leading sports figures, government spending on sports, and the general perception of the state of the nations sporting prowess as filtered through the media. Affected by variables such as the UG Quotient, which evaluates the ridiculously overhyped expectations of a sports team divided by their ridiculous under-achievement. • Cro-Mag – A hilarious homonym that describes both a sector of society and what they spend their money putting on their cars. 23
Prez Sez By Moira Neho
The 2008 National Budget… what’s in it for you? Well not much, really. Dr Cullen’s ninth budget has seen small movements up and down in different areas for you. The breakdown is as follows: • 10% increase in the parental income threshold for a full student allowance • lowering the age limit for student allowances parental income testing to age 24 • lifting the maximum rate of student allowances for those aged 24 to the level for students aged 25 years and above (because they have a confidence and supply agreement with United Future which expects this) • increasing the student loan living cost component from $150 per week to $155 per week • a 50% expansion of the Bonded Merit Scholarship Scheme to 1500 scholarships per year While some students may benefit from these changes, the Budget does nothing to address the real drivers of debt and the extra $5 a week actually contributes to the total amount of debt that you guys and girls will have. WSU recognizes that increasing student support is an incremental process; however at the rate that change is progressing, it will be three generations before any of the current needs are addressed, and by that time it will be too late. On an interesting note for Med Students, the National party have announced that they are thinking about wiping Med Student’s student loans if they will commit to 3-4 years of working in regional or rural New Zealand. Don’t get too excited… while it’s a fantastic idea, at the moment it could just be one of their pre-election headline grabbers and a very targeted one at that.
The following is a message from our General Manager, David West
Rule Change: As an incorporated society dedicated to improving the welfare of its members, the Waikato Students’ Union (WSU) has for some years enjoyed charitable status with the Inland Revenue Dept (IRD). This has allowed the WSU to qualify for exemption from income tax, which is a considerable benefit to the organisation. The Charities Act of 2005 now requires all charitable organisations to be registered. In order to maintain our charitable and tax-free status, the WSU has made application for registration to the Charities Commission. This process involves a careful and thorough consideration of the rules of the WSU to determine the nature of our purposes, aims and objectives, and to ensure that no individual can receive any private pecuniary gain from our activities.
Rule 27 of the WSU constitution states that in the event of the Association winding up, all surplus assets “shall be handed to the University Council, to be held upon trust and invested for the benefit of the student community until such time as a similar association is formed”. The Charities Commission considered that a “similar association” was not clearly defined, and did not guarantee that the assets would not end up with an entity that was not exclusively charitable. They will therefore decline our application unless we amend rule 27 accordingly. In accordance with our constitution, this can only be done at a Special General Meeting (SGM) of the members. Therefore, an SGM will be held on Wednesday 16th July 2008 to consider the motion: That rule 27 of the Constitution of the WSU be amended to read as follows: 27 WINDING UP 27.1 “If any property remains after the winding up or dissolution of the Association and the settlement of all the Associations debts and liabilities, that property must be given or transferred to another organisation that is charitable under New Zealand law and has purposes similar to those of the Waikato Students’ Union Incorporated.” Further information is available from the office of the WSU.
Happy Matariki
By WSU Vice President Maori, Ben Delaney Matariki is the Maori name for the group of stars also known as the Pleiades star cluster or The Seven Sisters; and what is referred to as the traditional Maori New Year. The pre-dawn rise of Matariki can be seen in the last few days of May every year and the New Year is marked at the sighting of the next new moon which occurs during June. This year the New Moon is in the start of June, which also signals the start of exam preparation for many . Whilst exam time is stressful and the thought of another semester far from your mind I think its timely to remind you that next semester will hold a number of WSU events for you to consider adding to your calendar * B-Semester Fiesta (Re-Orientation) * Te Wiki o Te Reo Maori * Super 10 Kapa Haka * Adult learners week * Consultation meeting for next years WSU budget * WSU Elections * Talk like a Pirate day * Plus lots more…….;.. Don’t for get end of semester party down by the cowshed starting at 1pm this Friday…..
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The No Diet Day Fashion Show was a great success with more than 200 people making it to the event. The models for the day were Laura Gregory, Greer Cliff, Olivia Beattie, Bridget Bisset, Rachel Wark, Bridget Ashby and myself. The sponsoring stores latest collections looked amazing and were well received by the crowd. Collections were provided by Lippy/ WildPair, Max, Spot-X/Cheapskates, Shine, Staxs and The White Room. The nibbles for the show were provided by the WSU and Dominoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pizza and the wine was bought by the WSU at a discounted rate from LiquorKing. Big thanks to all of the WSU who helped out on the day and the volunteers! A highlight of the day was the goodie bags, which were only available to the first 100
people at the event. The major giveaway in the goodie bags was the Body Shop makeovers to the first 90 people there. The Body Shop and Anya Varejchina were also responsible for the make-up on the day and helping the girls to look so gorgeous! Giveaways were also provided for those who could answer diet-related questions from Pipi Sopp, our MC for the day â&#x20AC;&#x201C; thanks Pipi! These giveaways were $20 Spot-X/Cheapskates vouchers and 4 one month gym-memberships at the UniRec gym. Thanks very much to all of the sponsors and people that helped out on the day; I was really impressed with the turnout and the amazing clothing that was worn! Cheers!
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MASH is over and this is a recap on what we learnt in the month of May. MASH was Male Advocates for Sexual Health - if you Google Mens sexual health you get websites dedicated to erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. (Not if you do it with safe search turned off, but why would you want to do that anyway? – Ed) The sexual IQ test revealed that older men have better sex, that means AJ and Deni need more practice. V.D & V.B shouldn’t be confused but
line that connects the halls of residences on campus to each other. (Actually, it is that as well – Ed, again) More importantly we found that getting a STI check is as simple as a blood test and piss test, I even published my results in Nexus and challenged the guys on campus to man up and do the same, some of the other directors did man up and none are taking any pills so what does that say about those who didn’t, scared or something to hide?
if you drink V.B you deserve what you get. The S.T.I symptom-sorter shouldn’t be use to diagnose, as AJs sore throat was from tonsillitis and his swollen groin was caused from looking out the WSU window at members of the opposite sex. Statistics show us that no one is safe and 70% of females and 50% of males who have Chlamydia don’t realise what they have, or have any symptoms. We learnt that the Chlamydia Triangle is not an imaginary
While taking my STI test I found that if you are under 22, for $3 you can get a prescription for 144 condoms and as under 22 is a young man you will need them to practice (refer to the sexual IQ test comment earlier.) Finally I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who helped – without your help the MASH campaign about as useful as a man with erectile dysfunction.
International Students’ Radio Show
Sport Results with AJ
By Deni Tokunai
Well as you can see this week Unicol A.F.C picked up only one lonely win out of 6 – and to make matters worse it was against another Unicol team. Not to worry, here’s hoping they bounce back with some respectful performance next week. The Varsity boys are a much of the same story with 4 from 4 defeats, guttered! Get amongst it, men!
Listen to gibberish, now in different languages! International Students’ Director The idea is currently in the WSU framework to have an international students’ radio segment broadcasted on the university based radio station Contact FM (88.1FM). Contact FM is run by the Independent Broadcasting Community and is an affiliated club of the WSU— broadcasting a broad range of music 24 hours a day. The international student radio segment is expected to kick off during Semester B with the goal of providing an opportunity for our international students to be able to actively participate on campus and share a little about their culture, their experiences in NZ, and any contrasts or comparisons they have observed. This is going to be more than simply a question/answer session—the international students’ radio segment will be a positive interactive education experience for both our international and domestic students.
Rugby – Varsity (W.U.R.F.C) Premiers B’s U85’s U21’s 14th)
lost to Hautapu lost to Hautapu B lost to Hamilton Old Boys lost to Melville
28-29 10-66 7-21 11-17
(10th of 12) (8th of 12) (1st of 9) (14th of
Soccer – Unicol A.F.C
It is the perfect occasion for out international students to not only promote their countries, but to also educate the UoW student about their cultural, societal, and political norms.
Mens A’s Reserves D1 D2
lost to Ham North Old Boys lost to Ham North Debacles lost to Claudelands D1 lost to Tokoroa D
1-2 1-6 0-2 1-6
(10th of 10) (9th of 10) (6th of 10) (9th of 10)
If you are interested in sharing a bit about your country and your culture or your view on any other international matter, then we need you to make the international students’ radio segment a success.
Womens B1 B2
won against Unicol B2 lost to Unicol B1
4-0 0-4
(2nd of 13) (10th of 13)
P.S: All questions, enquiries, comments, suggestions, or criticisms are most welcome - send to djt18@students.waikato.ac.nz 26
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Send notices to nexus@waikato.ac.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. Placing notices is free for students. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Notices cannot be any more than 75 words. We will not accept handwritten or non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta. Oh, and we hear that personals ads work terrifyingly well, so give that a go as well – fun for everyone involved.
FOR SALE
bedroom is not. We have wireless internet, gas heating, a
WHAT: Fair Trade Fortnight:
CRT TV Sharp 29” Perfect condition, 3 AV channels
dishwasher and a huge sunny deck! 2 current flatmates, one
WHEN: 10 May-5 June
including S-video in front and Component in back $250 ono
female and one male 2nd years. $75 per week plus expenses.
WHERE: Trade Aid Hamilton, 104 Alexandra
0276992022
Short-term tenancy is also a possibility. Txt or call 027 333
WHAT: Instore exhibition: Students from Te Wananga O
9069
Aotearoa Huntly Campus providing woven artworks combining
The Tertiary Snow Bash is on the 30th June & 1st July (July 2nd
harakeke [flax] & recycled items.
back up day)Turoa Ski Field
Flatmate Wanted! Sunny outside room with sweet window
Mt Ruapehu
seat Extremely close to uni... just roll down the road! $90/wk..
BEERFEST
Events GS Ski/ Board & Hike & Huck Rail Jam
Covered car parking & delicious fruit trees Come on you
When: 6th of June, 8pm-12am
Get your name to Ryan snowtroopers@gmail.com
know you wana... its available now Just txt or call Stacey
Where: Celebrating Age Centre, 30 Victoria St
0273189145
Cost: $20
Registration Fee for University members: $25.00
Theme: Haka Party
Registrations close 20th June
Flatmate Wanted to share with three adults, one child and one
Prizes: Best dressed boy and girl
late entries will be accepted up until 8am Monday 30th June,
cat. Four bedroom modern house plus office, double garage,
Bring your own vessel, dress it up. Prize for best dressed vessel!
but will incur an additional 50% charge on top of normal
dishwasher, DVS, Gas heating and hot water, fully fenced,
Spot prizes and raffles up for grabs!
registration fee rate.
double room and wardrobe with own bathroom, awesome
Besides the 4 hours of free beer, should you win a prize you
views over Ruakura paddocks. $140.00 covers rent, power,
can make your $20 back!!
phone, sky and internet. Food an extra $45 per week.
Be in quick, tickets are selling fast
Lift Passes: $41.50 for one day lift pass, this price is only valid on the days of the event
For tickets, contact Ngaz Huge room for rent! 10 minute walk from uni, off of Cameron
027 2045574
rd. The room is really big, with a huge closet as well. Nice big
nrh11@students.waikato.ac.nz
Please also note that the running of this event is dependent on
windows and a queen bed comes with the room. New flat
Ski field conditions (if there is snow or not)
with nice open lounge and kitchen and 2 bathrooms. Nice
RANDOM
backyard too. Flatmates are cool laid back people, 2 girls one
PET BABY WANTED. Txt 027 6945211
FLATMATES
guy. Rent is 90 p/w. Broadband, phone, power extra 10 dollars
Are you male? Are you looking for a place to live?
p/w. text: 027 368 7194
Are you easy going, tidy and know how to have fun?
Wanted!!! 2nd hand A3 FOLDER. email lb51@waikato.ac.nz
Are you aged between 21 - 26yrs? Give us a call to check out
GIGS & STUFF
our spare sunny upstairs bedroom with a double wardrobe!
Ultimate Frisbee! Come play! On the uni fields opposite the
Wanted!!!! Female vocalist! (had wrong contact # last time
Rent($120) includes:
library every Mon and Thurs at 5.30pm. Beginners to pros…
haha :P)
*Power
come one, come all!
Fancy yourself a singer? wanna make cool music? Get the
*Food
dancefloors pumping? Hit me up to talk about making tracks
*Phone
keen to be part of a new social and environmental activism
and we could end up rockin the world like it’s 1983! I’m down
*Broadband
group? call / text 021 303 883. environmental concerns
to make any fresh new beats from Amy Winehouse to Robyn
Contact 07 859 3000 or 0212 603 508
– animal rights – poverty – fair trade – anti-nuclear, GE,
just whatever we dream up.
capitalism – whatever you’re interested in about justice and
contact Sam 021422954
Flatmate wanted for semester B. $150 pw includes everything
protection, generally making the world a better place; locally
- rent, power, food, phone/internet, sky. Tidy house, decent
/ nationally / globally. actions may include: letter writing
Hamilton Big Band. The Hamilton Big Band is currently looking
sized room.
campaigns, leafletting, protests / demos, promoting awareness,
for Trombone players and vocalists. Rehursals are 7.30-9.30pm
Close to Uni - Cameron road. Existing flatmates three female
support existing movements i.e. greenpeace, trade aid, safe,
Tuesdays at Hillcrest High. Contact Colin on 849-5551. Other
second year Uni students. If interested phone (07) 856 3931
promoting the group at waikato university etc
interested players welcome too.
or email jam51@waikato.ac.nz Where are all the Askew people at? Come join us Wed 1-2 at
Need help yping your assignments? I will type what you write. I
Flatmate Wanted Single bedroom available in 3 bedroom
the QueerSpace in the Cowshed, next to the Student Union
do not proof read or check for grammatical errors, but will type
house, 5 min walk to uni, 2 min walk to liquor store, The
building. We’re a friendly bunch and would love to see some
your assignments as they are written and your writing must be
Warehouse, video store etc. House is fully furnished but
new faces! :)
legible. $6.00 per typed page neg. Text 027 369 7714. To 021 205 3289, I will remove this notice for $50.
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with Kirill by vitaminC My favourite things to do when not being awesome are: Ha! Trick statement! One of the most important and awesome things about being awesome is always be awesome, all of the time. Let’s be honest; you can’t just shave your face all day or constantly drive sideways, so you need ways of picking up the slack in between these manly feats. First and foremost, you need to walk awesome. There is a fine art to avoiding slumping around like a molestation victim while also not strutting around like a molester. Relax the shoulders, but don’t force them back or… actually I take that back. Strutting is for winners. Winners like me. An excellent way to strut is to wear platform shoes. A good set of platform shoes can increase your awesome by two (2) or three (3) inches. Make sure you get them from a
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trusted cordwainer (maker of shoes – a cobbler repairs shoes), who can provide you with quality materials such as burgundy leather. Awesome. Now that you have mastered basic awesome unaided transportation, it’s time to talk awesome. Talking awesome involves making a list of awesome words that can replace the hokey lingo that regular jokers use. If you can jack this consistently, off the top of your head, then you would really be the berries. There’s no way any dame can four-five you when your top dice are screaming on the ice, so if you make sure you keep your toes under the rim then everything will be swingsville. This morning I was in cocktail lounge in Buenos Aires where I was pretty much the centre of a-wesome-ttention, and some gimpy guy tried to roll up, but he had his awesome all wrong and was wearing his jacket backwards. A
really important part of wearing your jacket awesomely is to have it so the buttons go up the front. I can’t stress this enough. This actually reminds me that it’s very rare that I give awesome advice for the ladies, so here it comes. I’ve already launched it. Get ready to catch it. With your mouth. And that pretty much covers the essence of awesomeness for women. Wait… I can feel a little bit more… cocktail dresses. They should come in red, navy, or black. That’s it. If you think your cocktail dress looks a little too slutty, then it is. The awesome hotness of a cocktail dress is that it makes men want to batter your fish as classily as possible. If you are like one of the many girls I’ve served over the bar at a 21st who tries to dress up nice and then just giggles around like a whore… not awesome. To conclude, always remember: Be awesome to each other.
SPORTS THOUGHTS
Dear Agony Art There is this boy I like who says he likes me too but he is apparently intimidated by me. I’m not trying to be intimidating. What should I do? Also, how can I make sure he doesn’t tell my friends details about what we do in the privacy of his bedroom? I’d sex you if only I knew who you were, Nicola Dear Nicola Boys can like girls and still be scared of them. It’s actually weirder for a guy to not be terrified of a woman than if he is totally confident around her. Since boys first took notice of girls at the end of primary school, girls have had the upper hand and retain it for the rest of their lives. My research has lead me to believe it is something to do with things referred to in Babylonian legends as “titties” and “vaginas”. Apparently, without access to these things on a semi-regular basis, men loose the ability to feed themselves, maintain coherent conversation and even walk. Thus, natural fear of the unknown power of such things as “boobs” and “snatch” causes a feeling of intimidation for men. There’s nothing you can do to stop intimidating him. If you don’t intimidate him in some way or another, he obviously doesn’t like you very much. As far as making sure he keeps the secrets of your bedroom quiet, you can forget about it. Men need to tell everyone who’ll listen about their ‘whore stories’. Otherwise, if they don’t tell anyone, they may as well have being rubbing the love truncheon alone. I call it “Schrodinger’s Fuck Syndrome”. If no one knows about the rooting, it never happened. The only problem with having this syndrome is who you are telling. You had anal sex with your girlfriend and she crapped herself on your bed? That’s an awesome (and familiar) story for many of us, but don’t tell your new girlfriend and never tell her parents. My answer to your question, Nicola, is that you can never stop a guy talking about his sex life with his friends. It’s like trying to stop a small dog rape your leg. Or stopping a monkey from raping a tree. Or trying to stop anything that thinks with its cock from doing anything. Don’t want your sex life getting out? Then stop having sex. Case closed. Otherwise, just get used to hearing about your sex life second hand. Agony Art
As miserable weekends in sport go, it had to be one of the worst in a while. For starters I confidently boasted that at $5 the Black Caps were great value to beat the English in the second cricket test. My theory wasn’t based so much on an unequivocal belief that the Black Caps would win – rather a conviction that the two teams were more even than the $5 being offered on the Black Caps would suggest – what’s known in poker parlance as a value bet – the odds make it worth the gamble. By midnight on Sunday I was preparing to write this column on how I had seen it all coming, on how wrong the arrogant, condescending and pompous English media had been in writing our boys off so flippantly. That’s because at midnight on Sunday we were so far ahead in the match that there was virtually only one possible result, a win to us. I went to bed content that we were on the verge of going one-nil up in the series and that I was about to become $50 richer. I woke to the news that we had been rolled for 114 and by midnight on Monday defeat was all but certain. The Waikato Times headline the next day summed it up pretty well – “Black Caps snatch defeat from jaws of victory”. From the brink of what would have been one of our most unlikely and memorable test victories, to an embarrassing loss in less than 30 hours! – man, sport can be cruel. It’s hard to see the Black Caps recovering from this one to square the series. You can be sure they will pay more than $5 at the TAB this time around. The big question for me is: Why is it the Black Caps are able to consistently play to their potential when they are the underdog or behind in a match or series, yet under-perform so badly when they get into a position of dominance? Winter codes didn’t provide me with too much joy either. The Hurricanes lost to the Crusaders in the Super 14 semi. The ‘Canes are my second favourite team and despite the fact they lost to another New Zealand team, watching the Crusaders march towards another Super 14 title is frankly pretty mundane (as I write this the final is yet to be played – but I’ll go out on a limb and assume they won it). Then on Tuesday Jerry Collins announced his retirement from New Zealand rugby. It is sad to see Collins go he was one of the only remaining rugby players in New Zealand (Andrew Hore is another exception) who spoke his mind in the public domain rather than resorting to dull, over-used, meaningless clichés. Apparently Graham Henry wouldn’t have picked him anyway. I find it pretty hard to believe that an established All Black of five years would have been discarded so easily had he remained available. I wonder if Henry is covering his backside a little? Since he was reappointed about half his team have either left or suggested they might be considering doing so (and we all know what that means). How long until someone asks whether some of these guys might have stayed if Deans had been appointed coach?
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nerdery. Jed Laundry
I’m sure this rant has been done 100 times before 100 times better than I’m about to do it, but I don’t care. I hate the Uni’s parking. Which is why I take the bus, unless; a) I’m coming to uni after 1800, b) I’ve decided I can’t sleep and come to uni at 0430 (true story) or c) I’ve got to go get a parcel from CourierPost’s HQ in middle-of-nowhere-land before trudging to a lab. And unfortunately, its option (c) that had lead to this rant. While most people should be able to take the bus, or bike, or walk, it seems that the ever increasing costs will never meet the threshold at which uni students won’t drive to uni. I say ‘most’ as I do know of exceptions to the rule; those with disabilities, families of uni-goers, etc. And of course there are the few who occasionally need to use that curbside paperweight. But there’s the undeniable fact that a lot of the cars that frequent the uni aren’t really needed, but instead just hog the free parking. However, unlike most rants, I have a plan of action for this problem.
you have to swipe your student ID card. If this is after a certain time of the night, or if this is the first time you’ve ‘swiped in’ this week, no problem, free entry. If this is the second visit this week, a small, but reasonable fee of $0.75 or so is deducted from your unicash account. It’s enough of a deterrent for uni students to seriously consider leaving their cars at home, after all, look at the small amount of student parking Wintec students have. Not to mention it’s a much more appropriate way of paying for the parking security, then just charging all students. And, as entry (and obviously exit) is controlled by barriers, we know how many cars are in a given lot, so imagine being able to find out where a park is available by sending a text message. Or, better yet, reserving a park for another small fee. Wouldn’t it be worth 40 cents to know you’re going to get a park once you show up, without circling around? So, what are your thoughts? Would you support such an idea? Post me a comment at http://www.jlaundry.com before I go crazy and bring this before some of the committees I sit on.
It’s called a barrier arm and card reader. Just like the ones that Wintec currently uses. Before being granted entry into the student parking lots,
BY BUR
TON C B O
Heavy Metal History 1 – “In the beginning, there was the word” I’m going to get in trouble for this column, as Metallers argue a lot about shit like this. We dig semantics. But we’re doing this new segment on our radio show (89.0FM, Thurs 9pm) on the History of Metal so I figure I’d kill two pop cultural birds with one stone and do a column about it. This one is largely done from Wikipedia and my own thoughts, as I’ve left my textbooks at Uni. I’m gonna shoot from the hip and just write my opinion and be a little antagonistic cause I’m sick of people disagreeing with me! Just kidding – kind of. Often, when people love a form of music a lot, they want to view it as new and original, much like Heavy Metal. Maybe I’m a little guilty of that, cause when I read in Wikipedia how Heavy Metal is a genre of rock music I disagreed. I think it is a genre of its own, but I think that like any other genre, it has its roots elsewhere. This is where I think rock comes in. Also, despite what a lot of Black Metallers will tell you, it also has a lot of Blues influences. Or at least the bands that inspired today’s Metallers had Blues influences. To me, Metal has a lot of similar values as
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Blues. A dissatisfaction with the world as it stands today, a need to point out the darker forms of life. Both forms of music are also sung by people who are butt ugly and would never be a star otherwise! Given the huge underground success of Heavy Metal, understandably a lot of musicians want to claim the term’s invention. Despite disliking the term, Black Sabbath has tried to claim it from a review written of their show (it sounds like a lot of Heavy Metal being dropped). Alice Cooper claims he was responsible, from an article in Rolling Stone I think it was. No-one knows who truly first penned the term, although most books give credit to Steppenwolf’s Born to be Wild with the line “Heavy Metal Thunder”. Many of the bands attributed with at least having something to do with the origins of Heavy Metal are Black Sabbath (probably the most common one you’ll hear), Led Zeppelin and Deep Purple.
Phat Controller with vitaminC
WiiWare has finally hit Australasia, so this week the review covers one of the titles from Nintendos’ brand new service. The concept behind WiiWare is similar to the cheap downloadable games on Xbox Live and PSN, with the added appeal of the games being handpicked by Nintendo, which should guarantee quality. They cost between 1000 and 1500 Wii points, which works out to be NZ$30 to $50. The game in question is Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: My Life As A King. Quite a mouthful, and yes; it’s another Final Fantasy game. Square-Enix has recently reintroduced the series to Nintendo, and it seems they are attempting to differentiate these titles by keeping them all loosely connected story and art-wise. The basic deal here is that it’s a reversal on the traditional Final Fantasy game, while remaining thoroughly Final Fantasy through and through. You play a young King who has to rebuild a kingdom, based on his memories of what it used to be like. That’s the method for limiting what you can build right away, so you start off with a couple of houses and a bakery because he’s only ten and he didn’t get out much. As houses are built, the townsfolk occupy them and go about rebuilding their lives. Of course,
you require resources to continue building so luckily the youths of the town decide they are ready for some adventuring. The flow of the game revolves around recruiting the youngsters to become adventurers, at which point they head out of the city to go do what Final Fantasy characters do in all the other games. As the King, your job is to not get yourself killed, so you can’t follow them and your limits of exploration are the walls of your city. At the beginning of each day you review your income from the previous day, and the details of what your adventurers got up to. If you’re interested, you can go for a fully detailed account of someone’s day, right up to a blow-by-blow account of their battles. You also set quests for your people to follow, like defeating the boss of an area or ‘situations vacant’ notice for more black mages or whatever. You spend your day sprinting around the city, talking to people. You inspect your shops and provide them with funding, check up on KO’d warriors to inspire them to get back in the fight earlier, or hit the Tavern to organise your parties. I can’t describe it all here, but suffice to say the depth (and length!) of this little gem is enough to rival anything form FF7, 8, or 12.
A River Runs Through it With Vitamin C By Kirill What’s worse than realising the bank robots gave you a surprise overdraft the same night as the ASPA robots gave you open access to the bar? Dropping your phone robot into a glass of vodka. And the only thing worse than that is having to wake up the next morning and emergency buy a new phone, from a pimply faced store robot, so that you don’t miss out on “come have smooches with me” texts, from some pretty lady types. Hamilton, might be known as Hamiltron: City of the future, but don’t be fooled, gullible reader, I now know it’s a lie. Hamilton only has a handful of electronics stores, and most of their products aren’t on par with the technology of a Japanese schoolgirl’s laser cloud deodorant gun. These stores are also spread out all over town. I’ve seen a futuristic utopia, and let me tell you its technology district is as compacted as the bowls of a second year, after twelve months of hall food. If Hamiltron was really the city of the future, and I had any say in planning it, I wouldn’t have to stumble through Hamilton fog, get raped and endure the Cool Charm odour coming out of Glassons, just so an obese 15 year old can tell me that this little brick of plastic has Bluetooth-Enduro-Vibe-Function. But in an attempt to let you walk away from this column with a little more knowledge than you started with, I’m going to give you a breakdown of what it is in your phone, and what isn’t there but should be.
Bluetooth – Like a matching sex toy and gimp mask for your birthday, this can be very useful and sensual with the right partner and appropriate set of equipment. Camera – Like barbed-wire condoms, this can be invaluable in certain situations, but otherwise one of the worst things that you can have in your pocket. Texting – The essence of what makes a phone awesome. A phone with no texting robot upgrades, is like a killbot robot with no gang rape function. Calling – Both a boon and a bane, entertaining for receiving sobbing “I want you back for more smooches and fluid swapping” calls, yet the novelty wears of when you have to sit next to someone receiving a call like that and shield your eyes to protect them from fly-by semen shootings. Now for the things that would be in your phone robot if I was the mayor of Hamiltron town. Laser Pheremone Guns- Don’t get me wrong, this cat doesn’t need help with the lady folk. But sometimes it’s a hassle eye grinding some lucky female, while local Hamiltonians are popping their bobble-heads in my way. It would be easier just to zap-shoot her attention with the instant attraction she would feel in two seconds anyway. Heater – My pocket gets cold, my idea fixes this. Other city of the future upgrades don’t need as much explaining autocontraceptive ringtones, vibra-abortions, caffeine dispenser…and a knife. 33
Title: The Spare Room Author: Helen Garner Publisher: Text Publishing Company $35.99 Helen Garner makes a spectacular return to fiction writing after a 15 year hiatus with novel of tested friendships, loyalty, love and death in her new novel “The Spare Room.” Helen’s old friend Nicola is flying in to stay with her in her Melbourne home while she receives alternative therapy which the serene, unflappable Nicola believes will cure her terminal cancer. From the moment she arrives, Helen’s life is absorbed by Nicola’s needs. She becomes her nurse, her bodyguard and her champion and her whipping girl. But caring for the stubborn, demanding but charismatic Nicola takes its toll on Helen and their
friendship. What will be consumed by death first, their 15 year friendship or Nicola? Helen Garner is a marvel at creating realistic, believable characters that you can’t help but come to care for deeply by the novel’s conclusion. The emotionally charged scenes when the strain of nursing Nicola and the friction of Helen’s misgivings about the very alternative therapies Nicola chooses are not overblown or verbose. Instead they are told in exactly the manner I would imagine most Kiwis or Aussies would employ in that situation.
A short read at just 195 pages long, it cracks along at a fast pace yet is eminently satisfying even with its brevity. Helen Garner is a well known Australian journalist, screenwriter and novelist who has written a number of award winning magazine articles and non-fiction works on controversial news stories in Australia.
Maintenance (Vol. 1)
By Jim Massey and Robbi Rodriguez Reviewed by Gordon Dawson
Is she being underpaid? Suzanne is 19 and has been working for 6 months at a takeaway bar. She is being paid $10.25 per hour but her friend who has just started at another place and does the same job gets $11.25 per hour. The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 838 4466 extn. 6622 or 0800FORCAB. By the way, on 1 April 2007 the statutory minimum hourly wage rate (before tax) increased, and for adults aged 18 years and over it is now $11.25. By law, employers must pay at least the minimum wage - even if an employee is paid by commission or by piece rate. Minimum wages apply to all workers, including home workers, casuals, temporary and part-time workers even if they have not been included in employment agreements. The only exception is when an employee holds an exemption permit. Holiday pay must be paid in addition to the minimum wage. If an employee receives “pay-as-you-go” holiday pay, this payment must be a separate and identifiable part of their pay. An employee being paid less than the minimum wage should firstly talk to their employer. If this doesn’t resolve the problem they can ring the Employment Relations hotline (0800 20 90 20) to get information on what to do. Employees can also get help from a mediator (www.ers.govt.nz).
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Maintenance is a slapstick-happy series of stories about a couple of janitors at TerroMax, one of the world’s top “evil science” companies. Doug and Manny are the jaded and amusingly deadpan guys who get to clean up whenever their jaded and amusingly deadpan evil overlords screw something up, which (of course) happens all the time. The story matter runs the gamut from trash-talking Roswell landees to man-sharks. I don’t know why, but there’s something about man-sharks that never fails to crack me up. It’s a bit like this book, really. The premise, writing and art (the characters look like they’ve sprung into the book from a Pixar film) all combine for some excellently funny moments, but it never really tries for any kind of thematic depth. Not that there’s anything wrong with this. Maintenance is fluff, but it’s funny fluff, which makes it a worth-while, if short, read. It’s available now at Mark One, and Nexus has a copy to give away to the person who emails nexus@waikato.ac.nz with the best story in 25 words about the worst mess they ever had to clean up.
Jimmy Stewart, Part One James Maitland Stewart just celebrated his centenary, presumably in that corner of the afterlife reserved for modest, underrated actors and war heroes. Stewart was, if not the greatest male star of Hollywood’s golden age then certainly a leading man in more undeniable classics than any of his contemporaries. His trademark drawling speech patterns and hesitant delivery style proved surprisingly versatile in an almost sixty-year career that saw him develop from a callow, impassioned youth into a more complex, nuanced and even tortured figure in post-war American cinema. Stewart’s strength was forging close working relationships with the key directors of his time. After an uneasy apprenticeship in the mid1930s, including a low-point in which he was
badly miscast in a musical, he became a star under the tutelage of Frank Capra. More than holding his own in Capra’s ensemble fable “You Can’t Take it With You”, the best picture winner of 1938, Stewart then was given the defining part of his life in the director’s most overt political fantasy, “Mr Smith Goes to Washington”. As the naive scout leader turned senator whose idealism is put to the test by the corrupt political machine, Stewart had plenty of opportunity for patriotic speechifying, especially in the film’s climatic filibuster. Two other 1939 classics, the screwball comedy “It’s a Wonderful World” and the comic western “Destry Rides Again” helped solidify Stewart’s stardom even if he missed out on that year’s Oscar. In a text book instance of the kind of delayed recognition often practiced by the Academy Stewart won the Best Actor award the year after for “The Philadelphia Story”, despite the fact that his equally legendary co-stars, Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn, had better parts.
the likes of John Wayne, Jimmy flew numerous bombing missions over Germany. He returned to again work with Capra, in their most mature and dark film, the personal favourite of both men, “It’s A Wonderful Life”. Vestiges of his pre-war persona remained in the character of Frank Bailey, a would-be world-beater consigned to being a big fish in his home town small pond, but Stewart now had an embittered, cynical edge.
Bailey is a man driven low by frustration, one capable of screaming at his children, assaulting a comic-relief uncle and attempting suicide. For all its supernatural and fake religious moments the movie shows up ideological tensions at the heart of the middleclass American dream in a way that is both illuminating and disturbing. Stewart would only once more plumb such emotional depths, twelve years later when working for Alfred Hitchcock. More of that next week. All films mentioned above may be rented from Auteur House.
Interrupting his career just as it was peaking for the kind of selfless war service avoided by
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Directed by Steven Speilberg Reviewed by Art Focker
Indiana Jones is quite possibly the last classic action hero in cinema. Sure, he took a holiday from the silver screen for twenty years (so Harrison Ford could make a lot of pretty average films), but he has returned and has done nothing short of impress. It’s all still here – whips, one liners, foreign bad guys and action packed chase scenes in remote locations. Most students at Waikato were probably unable to talk or walk while Indy whipped and quipped his way across the world killing Nazis and various other 1930’s villains, leaving nothing for a generation except worn out VHS tapes. He is (if you don’t know already) pretty much the world’s greatest superhero, a blend of Wolverine and MacGyver who can use his brain and his brawn to tackle any situation.
This time around his enemy are a KGB super agent and a squad of Spetsnaz ogres who fill the evil foreigner’s role perfectly. Then again, all you need these days to be a bad guy is a khaki uniform and a European accent. A mysterious letter and a predictable character (LeBeouf as a motorcycle riding greaser) send our fedora-clad hero from Area 51 and a nuclear explosion to the heart of the Amazon and something to do with a UFO. Oh, you didn’t know? That’s right; in the first ten minutes of the film you find out that Indiana Jones has changed from movies about ancient mythologies and Biblical prophecy to movies about creatures from outer space. The role of George Lucas as a script writer has nothing to do with this, as he wrote the
first three scripts, so the blame can rest pretty exclusively on Spielberg. This should not put you off in any way. This movie is an action film for the inner child in each of us. Who doesn’t want to see a sword fight on the backs of two speeding Jeeps in the rainforest, or a fist fight in a 1950’s milk bar between football players and greasers? Well, maybe girls, but Indiana Jones hasn’t ever been for the ladies. I did hear LeBeouf is hot property in Girl Town right now, but I suspect this may have more to do with his bank balance than his dopey, over-used looks. This movie will certainly suck on the small screen and was most definitely made for the cinema. Seeing it is a must for the upcoming semester holiday. 12/10. 35
You’re living all over me It was great to see such a big turn out at the Hamilton Community Arts Council-organised Live Music Forum last Monday up at Ariki Gallery. A broad spectrum of the Hamilton music scene were there, from punters to venue owners, musicians to politicians (though a notable absentee was Hamilton’s mayor). The forum of around 40 people were separated into several groups and asked to list the positives and negatives of Hamilton’s music scene. After these groups presented their findings back to the collective the organisers then collated the information and refined the scene’s shortcomings into several main areas. These areas were written on pieces of paper and stuck to the wall. The forum was then asked to come up with solutions individually for each problem, writing their suggestions onto a post it and placing it under the appropriate heading displayed on the wall in front of the forum.
There was a lot of discussion on many issues arising from this process but the topics that garnered the most interest included the lack of venues, the lack of a dedicated radio station and the difficulty in finding postering space in Hamilton. I left before any consensus was reached but the organisers seemed to be steering the forum towards the setting up of some kind of trust/collective that could oversee the implementation of forum decided directives i.e. the securing of a dedicated venue/s and lobbying the city council for more direct support of Hamilton music. It was also clear that more forums would be needed and issues delegated to smaller subgroups; the HCAC offered their assistance in supporting forum initiatives. In all, it was a very productive meeting of minds, several pathways made clearer and people galvanized for a common goal, to create a music industry in Hamilton. One hopes, for the sake of Hamilton’s culture, that the support for such a great initiative increases and the issues raised by the forum are duly addressed. As for gigs this weekend, check out the gig guide, ya lazy buggers!
CD Reviews JOSE GONZALEZ In Our Nature (Imperial Records)
NINE INCH NAILS Ghosts I – IV (The Null Corporation)
In Our Nature is the much-anticipated follow-up to the hugely successful break through album, Veneer (2003). Unlike its predecessor, which had a staggered international release over the course of several years, Nature was released internationally in late 2007. Like its predecessor the first single off Nature is a cover, in this instance Massive Attack’s “Teardrops”. With his continuation of introspective conscious lyrics, soft vocal approach and minimalist backing material, Gonzalez has managed to write another album full of engaging songs. There are perhaps not as many stand out tracks as Veneer, “Heartbeats”, “Crosses”, “Save Your Day” stayed on rotate on the iPod for ages, but this merely highlights the fact that Nature as a whole wrestles with you like a rough-housing mate that you never want to stop playing with (there’s a warm fuzzy homo-erotic thought for your Monday). Like Veneer it will not do as well in the convoluted and colluded gangsta/ conservative US Market as it will in that of the more cosmopolitan UK/Europe (Veneer made it to #7 in the UK), if nothing else Nature’s argumentative lyrics will ensure that. But given a chance In Our Nature will find its way to that part of your heart Veneer cut out a space for in 2005, or whenever it was the first time you heard “Heartbeats”.
Throughout his long career Trent Reznor has worked under several musical nom de plumes to release his music but by far his most famous and frequently used is Nine Inch Nails. Now, completely free of a major label, Reznor returns with his first independent release under the Nine Inch Nails moniker. Ghosts I – IV (a double CD set) is what you get when you leave Reznor unsupervised in a cosy cave with state of the art production and recording facilities. He is able to effortlessly churn out piece after piece showcasing all manner of digital and aural wizardry. Some tracks (all of them are nameless) send your mind wandering, others your head banging and/or body grooving, with the use of computer effected or created instruments overlaid onto a continuous and often only subtly changing soundscape. It may be safe to say that this effort is more industrial than metal, could be construed as long and tedious if you sit and listen, waiting for a verse chorus verse chorus number to pop out, but if you have a project in your shed waiting to be worked on this will provide the perfect 2-hour soundtrack.
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No Country for Old Men Directed by The Coen Brothers
Highwaymen Live!
Reviewed by BURTON C BOGAN
Last week Vitamin C tried to diversify the music DVD review and do Fall Out Boy. Sadly I’m not that open-minded, but I’m trying. So seeing as I’m the tiniest bit country… When I was a kid, like most, I had a pretty screwed up taste in music. I liked real random stuff which I grew out of eventually and found Heavy Metal and like most young teenagers I refused to acknowledge that
Reviewed by BURTON C BOGAN
Ever feel like society has changed from a once peaceful, easily understood world to a horrible violent place? From some tranquil and simpler time, to one of psychopaths? It seems like a lot of people do, what with all these moral panics and censorship of everything from music to video games. Usually I feel reasonably sweet, although a couple of months ago I walked past a group of thirteen year old girls discussing the best way to give a blow job, which grossed me out. Or is it just a case of sex and violence being more openly talked about these days? I may be wrong, but this seems to be the question behind No Country for Old Men. Josh Brolin plays Llewellyn Moss, a man who finds a briefcase full of money from a drug deal gone bad. Like most drug dealers they want their money back – which is where the psychopath, played by Javier Bardem, comes in, complete with a silenced shotgun and a captive bolt pistol (a device traditionally used for killing livestock). The psychopath inevitably goes lone wolf and tracks Moss for his own gain. Meanwhile Sheriff Bell (Tommy Lee Jones) consistently gets to the scene of the crime too late and constantly feels like he’s outmatched. The story is based on the novel by Pulitzer Prize-winning author Cormac McCarthy and directed by the legendary Coen Brothers (who also brought us The Big Lebowski and Fargo). The first thing that strikes you is that there’s no music. While a lot of people may think this is odd, and it kind of is, it really adds to the intensity as you watch Brolin and Bardem play their little cat and mouse game. Also apparent is the Coen’s amazing ability to present very complex characters – for instance Brolin’s character is very cleverly introduced and set up in the first fifteen minutes. This movie can be a little disjointed at times and I’m sure that at the end some people are going to say “what the hell?” and wonder why they watched it. Yep, that’s right, it’s one of those movies so contrary to the usual Hollywood fare we’re all so used to – there are loose ends and it does leave you thinking. But then again, isn’t that like life?
the form of music I was listening to had to come from somewhere. So I hated my Dad’s collection of Floyd, Dylan and Johnny Cash. The tape he had of the Highwaymen used to piss me off something chronic. Now I’m a little older and wiser and I like a lot of the stuff I used to hate. Not that I’m saying Heavy Metal came from country but I like to think Johnny Cash was the original man in black – hell, he wrote a song about it even. But I’m getting ahead of myself… The Highwaymen were one of the original super-groups and were great. I usually hate super groups – Audioslave, Velvet Revolver, Supernova are all balls. The Highwaymen were four country singers – Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, Willy Nelson (from The Dukes of Hazzard movie if you’re a young’un) and Kris Kristofferson (Whistler from Blade for the real young’uns, or that guy from Convoy for the young’uns who think they’re old). In 1984 they put out an album which was hugely successful and so was followed by a sequel (in the late eighties, I think) from memory, which they toured behind. Now this was pretty huge, and as far as I know, hadn’t been done before. They were, possibly, even the inspiration for the only other awesome super-group, The Travelling Willburys. The performances are awesome; with the track listings including songs by the band as well as by the individual artists (yes, even Ring of Fire and Folsom Prison Blues) and the quality of sound is excellent. Although given the camaraderie on stage (which I’ll get to) some of Cash’s performance is a little too happy for the Emos amongst us. As well as the performances there are also brief interviews in between which give awesome insights into the individual artists as well as country music itself (although most of us wouldn’t be interested in that as country music is just for Americans isn’t it?) The onstage camaraderie is also evident with the guys joking around, although some of the humour is probably a very specific form – 60 year old cowboys for instance. Altogether, it’s a great DVD but only for a very specific audience. A definite no for Fall Out Boy fans!
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Listings courtesy of Mammoth (check out mammothguide.net!) and Hamilton Community Arts Council Hair Wed 4 Jun, Starts 6pm, Finishes Sat 14 Jun 2008, 10pm @ Clarence St Theatre – Tickets from TicketDirect outlets Hamilton Operatic Society presents the 1960’s cult American Tribal LoveRock musical. Ticket bookings through TicketDirect Outlets. Indymedia Film Night: The Revolution will not be Televised Thu 5 Jun, Starts 7pm @ JB.07 Lecture Theatre (Basement of J Block, University of Waikato) – Koha donation Documentary about the 2002 coup attempt to dipose Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez. Two independent filmmakers were inside the presidential palace on April 11, 2002, when he was forcibly removed from office. They were also present 48 hours later when, remarkably, he returned to power amid cheering aides. Cry Wolf Album Release Party Fri 6 Jun, Doors open 9pm @ Ward Lane – $7 Cry Wolf release their album with friends Congaline, This is This, Shit Ripper and Masada. Acalmbefore, You Are I Am + more Sat 7 Jun, Doors open 6pm @ Yellow Submarine – $5 All ages show with local metal/hardcore bands Acalmbefore and You Are I Am headlining. Supporting is In Dread Response (AKL) and Unspoken For (HAM). Goodnight Nurse + Streetwise Scarlet Sat 7 Jun, Doors open 8pm @ The Meteor – $20, Tickets from CDs4Nix Goodnight Nurse are undergoing a tour for their latest single ‘I Need This’ and playing with 38
them is Streetwise Scarlet. This is an All ages event! Chuganaut + more Fri 20 Jun, Doors open 10:30pm @ Axces Bar – Free entry Chuganaut play a free show at their regular haunt in Hamilton. Support bands still TBA. Elemeno P, Deja Voodoo + Streetwise Scarlet Fri 4 Jul, Doors open 8pm @ Altitude – $20, Tickets available at CDs4Nix New Zealand pop punkers Elemeno P promote their third album with a tour featuring pals Deja Voodoo and Streetwise Scarlet. Ignition: Hamilton Fringe Festival Get entertained by a range of innovative, experimental, quirky, and creative work. 26 events in a nine day festival. Something to see every day; lots of free, koha, or low priced events for your enjoyment, and wonderment. Poetry, Street Theatre, Dance, Music, Comedy, Theatre, Film, Visual Art. Check out our website. Fri 13 Jun 2008 - Sat 21 Jun 2008 Cost & Time: Various Where: Dedicated Fringe Office: 120 Victoria Street open Mon - Fri 11am-1pm Art Space Meeting Do you want: Studio Space? Opportunities to network? Peer Support? Affordable exhibition space? A great Victoria St location has been found for a temporary visual art space. If you would be interested in forming an artist collective to run this space then please attend this meeting. RSVPs are essential. Thu 29 May 2008 Cost: Free Time: 7.30pm Where: HCAC Meeting Room, Upstairs in Artspost, 120 Victoria Street, Hamilton
Hamilton Film Society Screening Zabriskie Point (Director: Michelangelo Antonioni, 1970). Antonioni’s once-removed portrait of the late sixties American counterculture, highlighted by an evocative Pink Floyd score, some hallucinogenic mass love-making in the desert, and an explosive, anti-materialist final image that seems remarkably fresh 38 years later. Tue 03 Jun 2008 Cost: Full Year Membership $100. One-off screenings $12. Time: 8pm Where: Victoria Cinema, 690 Victoria Street, Hamilton HAIR - American Tribal-Love Rock Musical The Hamilton Operatic Society is proud to present the cult rock musical Hair, which is currently celebrating its 40th anniversary. Hair was extremely controversial when first produced in the 1960’s and challenged social norms of the time. In doing so, Hair changed the face of musicals forever. Featuring a young energetic cast. Wed 04 Jun 2008 - Sat 14 Jun 2008 Cost: from $18 Time: 8pm start Where: Clarence St Theatre, Hamilton ArikiGallery 555Victoria Street, Hamilton www.arikigallery.com Post-Digital Primitive: A group show celebrating thestencil curated by Glen Leslie and Marama Mayrick. The artists have been chosenfor their innovative work within this medium. Opening Thursday 5thJune,5.30pm New FriendsContemporary Art Space 186Victoria Street, Hamilton www.newfriendsgallery.co.nz Joel Thompsonsolo exhibition Opening Friday 6thJune,5.30pm