issue 13

Snow Snow Snow · Re-Orientation Guide · Hey, we’re back!

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

Party Time

With your pals Skot and JR

This is not Skot and/or JR... I think...

Party Review

The Mid Term Party Hey to everyone and welcome back to another semester of great parties. If last semester is anything to go by I’m sure there will be lots more drunken shenanigans to be had. I attended a few parties over the break, some good and some not so good.

The first week seemed to be all about getting drunk after exams. As there were coma’d people sleeping on floors, couches etc before my arrival. I’m not to sure if these people were drowning their sorrows or celebrating their inevitable success of their FINA201 exam… yeah right.

The best party I went to over the “teaching recess” was a pyjama party.

However this wasn’t your average pyjama party. I arrived thinking there would be lots of girls half-naked having pillow fights, unfortunately this was not the case. It seemed the only half-naked ones were the guys at the party. Most of them dressed in their mother’s evening wear. The highlight of the night had to be when a taxi driver showed up to pick up the guys in their evening attire. I’m not sure if either he thought he had come across a cross dressers convention, or he had a bad experience in the past with men dressed in women’s clothes, either way he left rather abruptly screaming at us as he drove away down the road. If only I was able to speak Somalian I would have been able to understand what he was telling us.

I’m still looking for the elusive 10/10 party Waikato University. So don’t be shy, if you’re having an insanely awesome party don’t forget to invite me and JR this semester.

Top three quotes ‘I think I’m getting really addicted to this, what - the pokies? Nah, strippers!’

‘He raps about gangsters and guns, pimps, hos and Compton. The guy’s not from Compton, he’s just a white kid from New Zealand. He should rap about what he really knows which is living in his mom’s trailer eating peanut butter sandwiches.’

Txt me anytime (after 7am) 0274 279319 and JR and myself will review your party.

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

‘Hey my name’s Steve, my friends call me dirty Steve.’

5

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

I Got 5 On It

By Josh and Uncle Jim (Um, they didn’t know how to change the batteries on the camera so took no pictures. Yeah, they’re useless. We’ll get someone better next week)

Questions 1) What do you think of Emma Watson?

2) Have you been to the snow?

3) If forced, and they were blown up to human-sized, which animal would you rather have sex with – a scorpion or a spider? Why? 4) Where’s north? (Designed to test the student’s “orientation.” Like ReOrientation? Yes, it’s stupid. We’re not sorry.)

5) Have you ever listened to the Morning Gamble with Josh and Uncle Jim, on Contact (89.1 FM) on Mondays and Thursdays?

Anne (22) Arts Degree. (German.)

1.) Her? She’s stupid.

2.) Yes. That’s a stupid question.

3.) Scorpion. Because spiders are even more worse in every way. And it’s more sexual – scorpions are hotter.

4.) There (she waves her hand vaguely towards the south-east) Do you know why men are better oriented than women? It’s because they have more iron in their noses.

6.) No.

Opal Nera winners for issue 13!

Get your entries in now for issue 14 (details below).

Tia and Steve come up and get your Opal Nera. Bring your ID! Their winning poems are as follows:

Nicholas (26) Masters in Economics 1.) I don’t know her.

2.) Yes, in Chile.

3.) Scorpion? I dunno – is that likely to happen?

4.) That way. (Points due north.) I’m almost sure.

5.) Um, no. I dunno who they are.

Silke (24) Geography (Also German) 1.) I don’t know her. I’ve never watched a Harry Potter movie.

2.) Yeah. A couple of years ago.

3.) Are you kidding? (We assure her of our seriousness.) Oh. Can I skip this question?

4.) The opposite of south?

5.) I don’t have a radio.

Tony Arkell (96) Bachelor of Erotic Internet Art Appreciation

1.) She’s cool.

2.) Yes. 3.) I was told a story about a woman who met a man who told her he had a scorpion tattooed on his penis. She did not believe him, so he… produced the evidence, and she felt compelled to, erm, put the scorpion to sleep in a warm, wet cave. (Jim: Answer the question.) Oh. Well, neither.

Actually, spider. I’m a leg man.

4.) Opposite to south?

5.) I heard it once, and you guys were brilliant.

We were hammered We were smashed I can’t even remember The goat I pashed After a raft Of Opal backdraft

By Dodgy Steve

Once remote balcony fire lights music OpalNera on the bar soon its gone and that’s how the balcony came to life

By Tia Loffley

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

CONTENTS

Features 20 25 18 45

No Business Like Snow Business Nexus Guide to Re-Orientation ‘06 Interview with Scotty from Elemeno P Exhibition Review

News 10-15

NZUSA: Tertiary Institutions Wasting Millions Management School economist wins Award Change on the cards for NZUSA FSAE – WESMO! Nexus Haiku News Short Shorts Silly Filler Fake News

Regulars 05 09 16 19 19 28 24 32 33 35 35 36 36 37 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 46

Party Review Editorial Lettuce The Player Jerk Jokes WSU columns Gig Guide Ace of Clubs: Alpha Delta Gamma Notices Word Freak Rage in a Cage Engine Talk Magic 8 Ball Boganology 101 Classic Rock Review Uncle Jim’s Kiddies Page Comics Books Food Citric DVDs Films Busted!

Credits

This issue’s cover artist was Matt Scheurich in a speedy flurry of desperation and almost passing out! Yeah, it was really weird and I don’t know what happened.

Anyway, it’s done and it looks ok, maybe kind of average. If you think you can do better then email graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz to register your interest.

Editor Dawn Tuffery nexus@waikato.ac.nz Designer Matt Scheurich graphics@nexus.npl.co.nz Advertising Manager Tony Arkell admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz 0211766180 News Editor Joshua Drummond news@nexus-npl.co.nz

Music Editors: M. Emery htownslut@gmail.com Mo Books Editor: Michelle Coursey Politics Editor: Chris Grenfell Main Feature: Sam Gibbs and the Snowtroopers Contributors this issue: J Boyd, Te Puna Tuatoko, Mazzy, Nick Elliot, Tovah Reed, Boulanger, Skot, Matt, Brie Jessen, Nick Maarhuis, Burton C. Bogan,

CJ, Nick Chester, Micelle Coursey, M. Emery, Gary Oliver, Uncle Jim, Hazazel, Kazuma Namioka, Leigh McGeady, Joe Citizen, Josh Drummond, ASPA, WSU Nexus: Sticks out like a pair of frigid nipples The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus Publications 2003 Ltd, any of our advertisers, WSU or APN Media. Actually we’re too tired to have views right now, so we faked them all. But if you have views, feel free to share them. As long as they’re not, like, libellous and stuff (not that we’re responsible for that either. It was the other guy! That guy there! With the spanner in the drawing room!).

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

Editorial

By Dawn Tuffery

For PTE’s sake Semester 2, eh? Better start with something sexy and exciting then. Or, we could talk about acronyms and the Budget! Wait, bear with me.

Yes, that Budget was a few months back now, and largely the expected bag of lollies, or lack thereof. But hidden among the big celebrities like loan interest write-offs was an innocuouslooking jab for the tertiary sector: as of next January, all education providers not receiving a

playing field than a sturdy shove down a slippery slope. With the removal of allowance and loan eligibility kicking in so soon, enrolments in the affected institutions will almost certainly take a dive. Consequently the providers are crying foul as Cullen’s sliding tackle looks set to take some out of the game entirely. Thousands of students will be affected and some establishments will be forced to close.

an “explosion” in the amount of funding needed in the sector.’ (NZ Herald).

Huh? This would surely fail – sorry, ‘not achieve’ - any NZQA standard in basic common sense.

An easy decision – between the course that lets you have a loan/allowance and the one that doesn’t – is not the same as an informed one.

The SCF process may take quality and relevance into account, but it’s no concrete measure.

government subsidy will no longer be eligible for student loans and allowances.

How will this information affect you? As privileged attendees of a state-owned enterprise, you don’t need to worry about your allowance or loan eligibility disappearing just yet. You should maybe worry about rising fees and staff cuts, but that’s another story. The main casualty here, however, is freedom of choice, and that could affect anybody at some point. If you haven’t got ready cash or rich parents, it could be goodbye to choosing your own qualification on merit as opposed to being forced towards a nice government-approved one. How d’ya like them apples? Doubleplus ungood?

Measuring that is NZQA’s job, and the affected establishments have already passed that hurdle.

Some are also very ‘strategically relevant’ – one of the TECs favourite buzzwords. Others may not be, but that’s not what’s driving this ‘initiative’.

This so-called initiative got little publicity at the time, as even the Private Training Establishments (PTEs) affected took time to realise the impact it could have. The first warning for some came with a letter out of the blue, informing them that in a mere six months there would be a death blow to their student base. Have a nice day.

Some fun(ding) background info - at the centre of the mini bombshell is something called student component funding or SCF (previously called EFTS funding). It’s a lump of per-student money given to institutions that apply and qualify for it, with the latter decided by an ‘appropriate mix of excellence, relevance and access criteria’. Possibly the Tertiary Education Comission (TEC) also toss a coin and check out some tea leaves. Not all NZQA-approved PTEs receive this government subsidy, and until now it hasn’t been linked to loan/allowance eligibility.

Because, well, there wasn’t really any reason to.

Basically, this sideswipe is less about a level

Word”, a space that is just filler. something. Hence the creation of “Designer’s just can’t stand and I need to fill up with Sometimes there’s negative space that I

Designer’s Word

flexible and accountable’, and rated them above universities and polytechs in these areas.

A gem from TEC policy and advice manager James Turner – he says ‘the change would help students make informed decisions about selecting tertiary providers and would prevent it should look like before I started. I’m a real have any preconceived thoughts about what exepected – it looked interesting and I didn’t I liked it is because it wasn’t something I looked kind of neat. Of course, partly why flowed out from my brain onto the page and did an illustration for a a gig poster and it and kooky ideas. Why, just the other day I I don’t need drugs to come up with weird new and interesting abilities in me. For one,

By Matt Scheurich

The main thing frustrating PTEs is the lack of consultation or warning. 6 months is not a long time to completely adjust business strategies and plans.

Lumping allowance/loan eligibility in with SCF is an arbitrary move, at best. At worst, it’s inconsiderate, senseless and unnecessarily abrupt.

so you need a mirror to read.

I’m going to spin this shit around and make it Anyway, the space is coming to a close and imaginations of the idea. outcome so much if it doesn’t meet my initial mentioned means I don’t get hung up on the of consciousness stuff like the illustration I Nexus... I kid, of course) and doing stream fuss-pot with somethings (obviously not with

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

point, sleep deprivation has unlocked some to fall asleep until I am at tired/exahustion sleep deprived. Aside from finding it hard to impart. Recently I have been somewhat Meanwhile, I have something interesting

At Budget time Cullen waxed lyrical about how providing lots of cash underlined Labour’s desire to give students a tertiary education system attuned to their needs. This move seems a dubious way to achieve this, especially given that a Ministry of Education report in April praised the fact that PTEs are ‘service orientated,

The second part of Turner’s sentence is rather more honest. Naturally the Government is prioritising its tertiary spending this year. After shelling out a pile of cash on student loan interest bribes, Cullen probably got a nice twinkle in his eye at the thought of saving $20 million in loans while cutting out a few irritating competitors en route. However, this was an extraordinarily ill-judged way to pinch pennies and should by rights be revoked, or at least postponed.

NEXUS NEWS MONDAY, 10 JULY 2006

NZUSA:

Tertiary Institutions Wasting Millions On Advertising

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

by Chris Leggett The New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA) has dismissed the combined advertising expenditure of over $28m for national tertiary institutions in 2005 as “wasteful”.

for. Most [advertising] tends to be about lifestyle issues to do with the institutions.”

He refers specifically to Otago University’s “Get Over It” campaign, which he says aims to dispel various social myths about Dunedin rather than promote the educational aspect. “Otago University spent astronomical amounts. Last year they spent almost $1m on TV advertising.”

An NZUSA report, which covers 35 New Zealand tertiary institutions, has shown that combined marketing expenditure has increased by 117 per cent since 1999, and is 6 per cent higher than in 2004. Auckland University, Massey University and The Open Polytechnic of New Zealand spent more than $2m on marketing and advertising in 2005.

Mr Randall says such expenditure is unacceptable, particularly in the face of rising student fees and after the recent Government pledge of an extra $26m to increase staff salaries to an international standard. “We think that there are better areas that this [advertising] money could be spent on in actually delivering for students.”

The figures were obtained through AC Nielsen data for 2004 and 2005 and relates mainly to TV, radio, newspaper, magazine and online advertising.

The figures do not include “give away” promotional

Minister for Tertiary Education Dr Michael Cullen acknowledged the problem, telling 3 News it’s a hangover from the National government. “I think [the spending] is a bit over the top, but that’s

material such as rulers, pens, yo-yos and water bottles that universities tend to distribute during Orientation.

what the current system that the National Party put in place has driven them to. It’s a competitive system, saying get as many bums on seats as possible.”

While NZUSA is not critical of the fact that tertiary institutions are advertising, they are critical of the manner in which they are advertising. “It actually has very little impact on students. It’s an astronomical waste of money,” says NZUSA copresident Joey Randall.

“What institutions are spending money on is not about informing students about the important things, not about the quality of courses, not about what they can legitimately use their qualifications

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ASPA could not contact the Minister for further comment, but a spokesperson claims that the recent tertiary reforms should alleviate the problem. “The point of the current reforms is to ensure

“KEEPING YOU UP-TO-DATE WITH WHAT HAPPENED LAST WEEK” COMPILED BY JOSH DRUMMOND

“We think that there are better areas that this [advertising] money could be spent on in actually delivering for students.”

NZUSA co-president Joey Randall

institutions focus more on raising the quality and relevance of courses and less on getting student volumes up.

“To that end the new approach to funding institutions will reduce pressures to get bums on seats and so logically reduce the need to spend so much on advertising and marketing. The new approach is all about improving collaboration, helping institutions play to their strengths and so less about competition.”

Mr Randall says that while the problem is a consequence of the current tertiary funding model, it’s high time something was done about it.

“We’d like to see the system transformed. We think action would be great. The Labour government has been in for seven years coming up, so we think movement on this is important.”

News

Management School economist wins Tertiary Teaching Excellence Award Waikato Management School economist Dr Steven Lim has won a national award for excellence in teaching.

At parliament last night (Monday), Dr Lim was presented with the 2006 Tertiary Teaching Award for sustained excellence in teaching, one of ten awards made annually to outstanding tertiary teachers.

Steven Lim has been lecturing at the University of Waikato for 19 years. He also consults widely in Asia, mostly for the Asian Development Bank, and is a visiting professor at Senshu University in Tokyo.

Dr Lim said he was surprised but delighted to get the award. “I see the award primarily as recognition of the contributions of others, particularly my former teachers, whose passion for teaching and concern for students have influenced my approach to teaching,” he said.

At Waikato, students say he has a knack for making

difficult concepts both interesting and easy to understand and that he has the ability to interact well in both large classes and in more intimate teaching environments. He has also written about successful teaching and given conference and workshops on teaching practice.

Acting Dean of Waikato Management School, Prof Frank Scrimgeour, said Dr Lim was another example of the exceptional calibre of faculty at the School.

“Steven is a lecturer extraordinaire,” he said. “He captures student’s attention and opens up the field of economics like no-one else I know. Steven is unique in his ability to illuminate his subject to beginning and advanced students – from those who are straight out of school to those who are senior managers enrolled in executive programmes.”

Presenting the awards, Tertiary Education Minister Dr Michael Cullen said all awardees were

Dr Steven Lim

recognised for their innovative teaching methods, their original thinking and their outstanding commitment, by both their students and their peers within their profession.

“It is wonderful that we have such inspirational teachers and it is important to recognise them, not only for their own achievements, but also as examples to the rest of the education sector,” said Dr Cullen.

Dr Lim’s award is worth $20,000 which he plans to put towards financial support for student researchers and for continued study of teacher effectiveness.

Nexus’ “Uncle Jim” remanded on bail Nexus’ puzzle page contributor, “Uncle” Jim, has been remanded on a $250, 000 bail – one of the highest ever set by a New Zealand court.

He has been remanded in custody for crimes unknown. The charges laid against him stem from a number of sources, but the court has

bridge Intermediate’s popular girls hockey coach.

He also ran a DJ service that was extremely popular with teen parties in the Waikato area. He was known to be active in high society circles, and was a popular if enigmatic figure at the Cambridge Golf Club, where 17 applications to coach the Junior’s Squad were unsuccessful, possibly because of his high handicap.

Police have issued a warning for the public to avoid “Jim” should he escape.

“He is a dangerously charming individual who can lie his way out any situation,” said police spokesperson Karla Singleton. However, she said that his habit of drinking strong spirits could give him away.

“He quite often smells of liquor and other things that can get you drunk, and he’s known to be extremely forthcoming when intoxicated. On no account let him near your children,” she said.

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

suppressed all details. Nexus can report that four computers, a number of hard drives, no less than six photo albums, and several filing cabinets containing documents unknown were seized by Interpol agents.

Oddly, a similarly timed raid by the SPCA also removed his dogs, Trojan and Durex, his three cats, Pussy, Gina and Peach Fuzz, and his guinea pig, Tightey.

The SPCA has refused to comment on the reason for the seizures.

“Jim’s” full name remains unknown.

Some of his known aliases include Willie Watson, the Happy Party Clown, and Jim Jones, Cam-

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News

Change on the cards for NZUSA

By Nicola Kean Significant change is afoot at the National Students’ Association (NZUSA) after its mid-year conference in Hamilton two weeks ago.

While the acronym will remain the same, the conference voted to change NZUSA’s title from the New Zealand University Students’ Association to the New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations, a reflection of an increasingly changing and diverse membership.

NZUSA Co-President Joey Randall says the name change is a reflection of an ongoing process of “realisation of who we were” and moving towards being a voice for students at Polytecs and Colleges of Education as well as Universities.

NZUSA currently has four Polytec members, and Randall believes the name change will help attract more membership.

The name change has occurred that the same

time postal voting is about to start on changes to NZUSA’s constitution and structure, which Randall says will move to make the union more democratic.

A proposal to adopt a “blended parallel structure” was discussed at the conference, which, if successful in the upcoming ballot, would see the union split into two subgroups - one for Universities and one for other tertiary education providers. The groups would be led by a member association on a rotating basis.

Other discussions of note at the conference included a motion moved by VUWSA to oppose the bill to raise the drinking age being voted down, although Randall says this happened because it was believed not to be NZUSA’s core business.

Motions reinforcing the union’s stance on workers rights were also passed, including one opposing National MP Wayne Mapp’s 90 day working bill.

News Editor develops rare variant of Tourette’s Syndrome The reclusive and seldom seen News Editor of Nexus fuckass magazine has developed a rare form of Tourette’s bitching rice nigger syndrome commonly dubbed “Keyboard” or “Typists” Tourettes.

The rare bitch, bitch BITCH! Sodomy! variant of the mental disorder is known to afflict those who spend large blocks of time procrastinating and then frantically typing to make goddamn die die PENIS deadlines.

The disease is not contagious, but visitors to the Nexus offices are advised to don latex face masks as the disorder can cause those skank skank birdshit fuck afflicted to spit uncontrollably.

The News Editor in question cannot be dismissed, as current laws require those affected with such diseases to remain employed unless their activities BITE! ringhole, tapeworm! become dangerous.

Doctor Joseph Vindaloo, of the Student Health Service, advises any students worried about developing similar symptoms to “develop sound study habits and never procrastinate.”

Asswipe, cunnilingus! VOON!

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

Mental health professionals are monitoring the situation closely.

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Heh heh, he said ‘Penis!’

LMAO!!1!

News

FSAE – WESMO!

By Nick Maarhuis In a dark corner of the Large Scale Lab sits an oddly shaped wooden box.

Not just any box though, but a CAD designed and optimised box which is to be the mockup for the greatest project ever undertaken at Waikato University. It’s the shape of the chassis for the Waikato Engineering Students Motorsports (WESMO) F-SAE car. What F-SAE stands for is a mystery hundreds of years old, but no-one cares, because what is more important is what the race is all about.

Teams from universities all over the world build

one-off race cars to compete against each other in competitions in different countries, to showcase engineering skill, ingenuity and innovative designs which make their car go the fastest. The teams are also judged on the manufacture/fabrication of the components, vehicle presentation, fuel economy, and a business plan based on a theoretical manufacturing company building 1000 of the car per year at a cost of under US$25,000 each.

One thing that makes this competition great is that it is against Australians. Not only do we have the opportunity to crush their dingo-stole-my-baby souls, but Auckland University will be there too, so hopefully we can roll those Jafas. This will be Auckland’s third year in the competition, compared to Waikato’s first entry. Although WESMO will be the

virgins of the competition, don’t think that they’ll be taking it easy, because with multiple sponsors on board, and a team of highly competent engineering and management students, they’re sure to put it to the competition.

The team is divided into four main divisions; chassis, suspension, engine and drive-train, and administration. The WESMO team work in their divisions and also have regular whole team meetings to bring the project together. Each division is also split into subdivisions so that specific parts can be focused on, while still sticking to the overall design and synergy of the different parts of the car.

The F-SAE rules are about a hundred pages long, and specify thousands of parameters and limits to what can be used or done, but the basics are that the vehicle must have an engine under 600cc, have certain safety features such as a roll bar and frontal crush-zone, as well as a chassis that can be shown to be strong enough (either by computer modelling, or crash testing). With these cars you’d want these safety features anyway, because with acceleration, turning and stopping capabilities on par with some several hundred thousand dollar supercars, it is nice for peace of mind to know that you will be okay should something bad happen.

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

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News

Short Shorts Queer Eye for the Ski Guy

Meditating apparently makes students smarter

This week’s queerest news comes courtesy of Gay Ski Week NZ, who have announced a lucrative sponsorship deal with Australia and the UK’s largest gay lifestyle and online dating website Gaydar.com.au. The deal will see Gaydar.com.au step up to the role of presenting sponsor of the week long festival, due to take place in Queenstown on 2 – 9 September this year.

The sponsorship arrangement includes a significant advertising component which will see 42BELOW Gay Ski Week NZ reaching out across the globe on Gaydar.com.au and its partner websites Gaydar.co.uk, GaydarGirls, GaydarRadio, GaydarTravel and the Rainbow Network; all owned by parent company QSoft Consulting.

Mike Sanford, Event Director and founder, said “We are thrilled to announce this new partnership which will help us to realise our dream of making Gay Ski Week NZ a truly international event. The sponsorship will see the event itself, Queenstown and New Zealand beaming into the homes of literally millions of gay men and woman right around the world as a fantastic gay friendly holiday destination.

“Our focus is to continue to promote New Zealand as a culturally diverse and accepting place to visit for international guests and this sponsorship allows us to take that goal a step further” he added.

SomE of Auckland’s best known schools will hear toMorrow,(Tuesday), how a United Sates educator has reMoved bullying, drugs, violence And other stress -related problems from his school.

Dr Ashley Deans Will be speAking To SchOol priNcipals and teachers at a luncheon meeting in the Carlton Hotel, Auckland.

He will explain his view that the education systems of western countries are actually contributing to youth problems by creating stresses which translate into damaging behaviour.

Dr Deans is in Auckland following similar

Kiwi sheds clothes for the PETA good Whoa, awesome. Apparently some Kiwi chick has been baring all for animal rights as part of People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA’s) Running of the Nudes shindig. In Pamplona, Spain, New Zealander Nadine Frew joined more than 1,000 other people from around the world, most of them wearing nothing but plastic bullhorns and red scarves, for PETA’s fifth annual headline-grabbing, head-turning “Running of the Nudes” in Pamplona, Spain, a humane and festive alternative to the cruel “Running of the Bulls” and the bullfights that follow.

addresses in Christchurch where some school principals have already stated their intentions to introduce his recommendations to their schools.

“Ten million children in the United States are taking anti-depressant drugs,” said Dr Deans.”

This is simply because they are under stress and this can be traced back to the education system.

We are drowning our kids in an ocean of stress.”

Dr Deans said the heavy use of alcohol by young people, especially University students, is the result of demands placed on them by the education system.

His school requires that all students and staff meditate twice daily. This mental technique has apparently been proven to improve the frontal cortex of the brain which improves intelligence.

President George W Bush chokes on own tongue This hasn’t actually happened yet. But we’re putting it in here because it’s only a matter of time, really. You heard it here first.

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

Computer crash delays Graphic Editor’s plans to go home earlier than 6am

Tui Girls on Tour The Tui Brewery girls will be out in force during July for a nationwide tour. The ever diligent and oh-sogorgeous girls have decided to take some time out from the brewery and travel this fine nation, taking in the sites and sharing the finer points of brewing.

The tour will cover almost the entire country, from Whangarei to Invercargill, stopping at local bars and pubs along the way.

Ben Shaw from Tui says the Tui Brucetta and Davena ad was extremely popular with New Zealanders and has driven demand for our East India Pale Ale through the roof. The girls have been beavering away all year to ensure there is always enough to meet demand, so we thought it was only fair to give them a break.

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If you haven’t noticed already, pages 12-15 have slightly different fonts than to the rest of the magazine. That’s because when I went to restart the computer after it was slowing down and being a general nuisance to use (as Windows XP very rarely does on my lower-spec’d home computer) it came up to the BIOS screen where it checks the CPU and other bits inside the box and just stops.

Now, this has happened to me before but usually after I restart the computer when I’m finished with it. It seemed to pick a time when I needed it most, to fail me. I am not amused. However, this is the second to last page so I’m almost done!

News

Nexus Haiku News News in seventeen Syllables makes the news Easy, and to the point.

Motorway killer not guilty of murder Drop a heavy block of concrete On a man’s head “Oops, my fingers slipped”

More young dying since alcohol age dropped, research finds So our culture Revolves around alcohol advertising?

Yeah, right.

Police have suspect for school arson, says fire chief

Communists turn screw on press freedom

Melville High, gutted by fire Started by a pyro?

Whoa, that’s just dire.

The Chinese government Doesn’t like journalism Makes ‘em look bad.

Unemployment at 24-year low

Grand prix race on way

Unemployment takes a dive There’s a strange rise In sickness benefits.

The A1 Grand Prix Comes to Hamilton.

Wow, look at all that culture!

Slap on wrist for MP pictured in ad with schoolboys

Kiwi peace activist accused of punching UK pop star

You’d think she’d get worse – what if Brash Posed with schoolgirls?

Yuk, bad image.

War is peace, Hate is love, Activist is violent, angry idiot?

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

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Send your letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz, by Tuesday 5pm, and the best one wins a $5 voucher for Campus Kiosk – conveniently located in the Cowshed for all your snacking needs.

Lettuce Policy

Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters pages — serious or otherwise. Letters should be no more than 250 words and received by 5pm on the Tuesday before publication. All letters will generally be printed so give it a bash, but the editor retains the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Bad spelling and grammar will not be corrected — proof it yourself or you’ll look dumb. Pseudonyms are acceptable but all letters must include your real name and contact details even if you don’t want them printed. We discourage the use of pseudonyms for serious letters.

Letter Of The Week Inspirational Randomness We just thought that the readers of nexus would need some start of semester inspirational words... *ahem* If you had one shot one opportunity to cease everything you ever wanted One moment to capture it or would you let it slip? thank you and remember, we’re all still in the running to become America’s next top model!

KEEP REACHING FOR THAT RAINBOW! From: Your brother from another mother p/s: we need some holy santos to guard the hallway El Santo Niño de Atocha is a good one.

My Aunt Concha has seen him.

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

What’s up with the VP? Is it just me or does the VP have beef with TRN? However it is good to see that he has mentioned the TRN proposal, so that all students are aware of it. He continues to go on an on about it, even stating that it was a “hotly contested motion” voted: 54 to 20? To me is not hotly contested. It was hotly debated. But we are getting off track or is this his idea? Surely if it has met all of the requirements required when applying for funding from WSU why do we have to keep hearing about it? I am sure that there must be more motions that have been put forward that we have heard nothing about. I also thought that as a member of the executive that it is his job to remain impartial. It could just be me, but I feel he is not.

He also continually mentions that it could undermine Komiti Awhina, was it not the VP who rightfully pushed for KA to be audited, and subsequently fail? We are all aware thanks to our Maori

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Students’ Officer that KA is in the process of sorting through earlier problems, and is at present working towards becoming functional again. I hope this would mean that each of the schools that have Maori at the university will have one representative on the committee, and then they can truly claim to represent all Maori on campus.

Keep it real VP… Glen Delamere

Boo to ITS Being a management student I fully acknowledge the fact that me and my fellow students are being groomed to pollute and exploit tomorrows environment and workers.

We will do this for no other reason than to make an extra buck for the Man. Because of this I had kinda assumed that our side of uni would be were all the pricks and assholes ended up. Just my opinion.

Anyway I’d imagined that the rest of the university would be a nicer, friendlier and generally more helpful place.

Alas I was wrong!

Thanks ITS for shattering that impression.

Three words “SAD LITTLE MEN”. I hope your internet girl friends don’t have to put up with the same shit the rest of us have to.

Brett

Free net and a bakery please To the Editor, I would like to know what the president of the student union here is going to do about the following situtions.

1. The food prices here are way too expensive!

It’s disgusting. An standard pie at Momento costs $3. She should be looking into this. Something like a cheap bakery would do wonders here!

2. We are paying way too much for internet usage here! At some universities in NZ, using the internet is free! The use of the internet should be free here also!

I have not seen any significant changes this year

compared to last year’s student union. This sucks as all students here are paying for you existence!

Thanks Third year uni student

Nexus too interesting for toilet paper Dear Editor, As I wrote to you in the last issue, I considered steeping back from the use of nexus as my favourite toilet tissue. Nexus has been now officially been replaced by the warehouse - mailers. Firstly: red suits my complexion far better than black and Secondly: Nexus is far more interesting to read and doesn’t persuade one to buy real toilet paper for $3.99.

Yours truly, a delicate behind, still without its knickers but with a big brain

Smelly barristers?

It is important to first note that Matthew Harris is very cool. It is important to second note that Dan R is not... (Dun, Dun, Dun) We are writing this letter to inform innocent individuals about this young, irresponsible barrister.

He smells, put quite aptly, and not like... I work for Nexus smells... He really smells!

Infact his pungent odour can be smelt from miles around the campus and has caused many people to suffer because of this (including the innocent Matthew Harris) We think he needs a shower, followed by a bath (with proper scrubbing), any eligible bachelors feel free to follow that smell and give him a bath we end with this poem...

“Roses are blue.

Violets are red.

If you agree you’ve got rocks in your head.” sincerely (to the very core of our hearts), Miss A.W and Miss S.S p/s:i’m Rove McManus say hi to your mum for me!

Te Huitahi i te Awatea Dawn Ceremony

By Te Puna Tautoko Muia ana te pae o te marae o Te Kohinga Mārama ki te papa o Te Whare Wānanga o Waikato e te hunga whānui i te awatea o te Rātū 27th o Pipiri 2006. Ko te kaupapa he whakanui i te piatatanga mai o ngā kāhui whetū o Matariki e tohutohu mai ana ki a tātou kua tae mai te tau hou. He wā hauhake, he wā whakaora i te whānau, hapū, iwi nui tonu. Timata ai ngā mahi i te waerea i te karanga haere o tērā o ngā tohunga o Tainui ko Hone Haunui me āna Rūruhī manu ngāngahu tioriori. Nā

Ahakoa te maeke te moata hoki i reira ngā kanohi mai i te Kuratini o Waikato, Te Wānanga o Aotearoa me te iwi whānui tonu o te takiwā nei hei whakamahana hei tautoko i te kaupapa. Miharo hoki te kitekite i ngā tamariki kōhungahunga nō te Kōhanga Reo o Miropiko. Rere ana te pae i ngā karakia i ngā pūkōrero i ngā waiata hoki. Mutu ana te hui ki roto i te whare o te ora kia mākona hoki i te puku. Rere kau atu ngā mihi ki ngā ringawera o Kanohi Kitea, otiia ki te minenga i tae mai ki te

rātou i kawe mai i te mana me te tapu o te Kāhui Ariki., hei whakarangatira i tō tātou hui.

whakangahau ki te whakamihi atu ki te wā o Matariki.

Some facts on Matariki What is Matariki?

Matariki is a small but distinctive star cluster whose appearance in the north eastern pre-dawn sky in late May, early June marks the start of a new phase of life. This cluster is known by several other names in other parts of the world, including the Pleiades, Seven Sisters, Subaru and Messier 45.

Although there are tribal differences regarding the timing, celebrations most often begin at the next new moon after Matariki has risen. As with similar ‘moveable feasts’ in the western calendar, such as Easter, the exact timing varies from year to year but usually occurs during the month of June.

Matariki – a new beginning As well as marking the start of a new year, Matariki also signals other new beginnings. Traditionally Matariki was the time to plant trees, prepare the land for planting crops and renew associations with whānau, family and friends. The New Year is also a good time to reflect on your place in the world, to reawaken old skills or try out new ones and set new goals.

There are many things you could plan to do to mark Matariki in your own special way, some may be based on traditional Māori ways of celebrating and some could be things you have thought up for yourself.

Info from www.matariki.net.nz

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

In ancient times Matariki arrived at the end of the harvest and was therefore a time of plenty. The kumara and other root foods had been gathered.

The migration of fish such as moki and korokoro also made Matariki a time of bountiful catches.

Visitors were often showered with gifts of specially preserved eel, birds and other delicacies. Matariki was a time to share and present offerings to others.

Matariki can be translated in two ways – Mata Riki (Tiny eyes) and Mata Ariki (Eyes of God). Either way the eyes are thought to watch over the land and its people.

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Elemeno P and Goodnight Nurse are hitting Altitude on July 13. Tovah Reed took the chance to find out more about Elemeno P drummer Scotty Pearson. ..

Where has been your favourite place to perform?

There’s been lots of them. Recently we’ve played in Australia and Melbourne would have been my favourite. Hamilton was also a great place to play

Do you smoke?

I have been known to smoke. I have actually made a big conscience effort to not smoke at all.

for. We’ve played at Altitude heaps of times. We’ve actually recorded a couple of live songs down there for our bonus disk, along with ‘Edgefest’. I’ve always liked the Hamilton vibe.

How did the name Elemeno P come about?

Justin was at the Crowbar here in Auckland with Dave. They were having a couple of drinks and it just came up through conversation. They finally decided on Elemeno P, written phonetically, and it’s worked ever since.

What was your first concert like?

Our first show as ‘Elemeno P’ was for the opening of Sum41 at the Power Station in Auckland. I think it was one of the biggest buzzes ever, it was insane!

Since it was our first show, as a band, and we’d never sung in front of anyone, it was just great!

What were Sum 41 like?

We hung out with them a little the first time they toured through NZ. I guess they weren’t as big as they are now, but yeah, they were neat. We just sat around, had a couple of drinks together, it was cool.

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

If you could get a tat, what would you get?

If I could think of that, I’d get one.

If you could own a robot, what would its name be?

Gibbo [laughs], like our singer’s name.

Favourite band and song?

Old school: The Dudes, ‘Be mine tonight’.

New School: Anything from the Killers.

I think it was a fireman or a race car driver . But as for the musician, I started playing since I was 13, but I wasn’t really dreaming at that point.

Do you know how to use pois?

Nope, I’m definitely a dumbass in that area.

Is Michael Jackson innocent?

[Laughs] I don’t know whether he’s ahhh… Well, that’s a good question. How innocent is a guy that likes hanging out with little kids?I don’t know whether he’s done a hell of a lot, but you know, he

Have you got any tattoos or piercings?

I have my ears pierced and that’s about it.

What’s the dodgiest thing you’ve ever done?

Dodgiest? Well I got snapped nicking tiles once.

(Odd.)

When you were younger what did you want to be when you grew up? Was it a musician?

How did you spend your Valentines Day? I honestly can’t remember. So I guess it can’t have been very exciting.

What’s your worst fear?

[Laughs] Justin, in our band, is afraid of flying. But I’d have to say mine is growing old.

The next question I asked Scott was to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ dedicated to my friend Cherish, who hit the big 1-9 on July 8th. Initially, the question was set out for Dave, the lead singer, but I asked him to do it anyway. Kindly he accepted and now we understand why he is the drummer.

With rugby, who do you support?

Honestly, I like a good game of rugby. But I’m not a supporter. I can’t keep up with all the games and teams, there’s too many of them.

What was the last expensive thing you have brought?

A plasma TV. It’s cramped all in my bedroom, including surround sound. It’s rather tragic.

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should be watched. The guy is obviously very odd! I do think he’s crazy though, and should be locked up.

What about chopsticks?

Not too bad.

Do you know the lyrics to: “I will survive”?

Ahhh - I know the chorus?

Do you believe in sex before marriage?

I believe it exists. [Laughs] I dunno I believe chicks should be treated with a lot of respect and don’t think you should go out and sleep with anyone.

People don’t understand that it can be a big deal.

It’s a great thing if people do find the right person and wait till marriage, and probably the best scenario. But I don’t think it’s particularly realistic.

What’s your favourite jellybean?

Red.

Have you ever stolen roadsigns?

Actually, no.

Lastly, would you ever go on a date with me?

Ahh, how old are you?

18 Sure!

Where would you take me?

Probably a café, maybe the movies?

Can my hot friend join us?

Sure!

Bill will be pleased.

Competition: Nexus has tickets to the gig and a CD from each band to give away – Goodnight Nurse’s Always and Never, and Elemeno P’s Trouble in Paradise. Just email nexus@waikato.ac.nz and answer this question: Elemeno P cover one classic song on Trouble – what’s it called, and who wrote it?

THE PLAYER Call of Duty 2 Xbox 360 Reviewed by Josh Microsoft were kind enough to drop me an Xbox 360 over the break with a slew of games to review. Now, I won’t lie – a few of them sucked. A couple were pretty good. But Call of Duty 2 was the standout best goddam game I have played for a long, long time.

A word a lot of the game reviewers are liking at the moment is “visceral.” I hate to jump on their geek bandwagon, but this game is visceral. You see a lot of viscera. The plot isn’t really a plot –

of the most incredibly intense battles and you pop caps in the baddies with a variety of authentic (so I’m told) guns that go “bang” nice and loud. In fact, the sound in this game is incred-

it’s just World War II, and you’re a random grunt from one of three allied armies, saving the world from Ze Germans.

ible. I’ve never been charged by a horde of angry screaming Krauts, but if I was, I imagine it would sound very much like it did in this game.

That’s the beauty of COD:2. It doesn’t try to be anything that it’s not. It chucks you in the middle

Being blessed with broadband enabled me to jump on ecksbocks live and fight the war online.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY: I spent way too long and way too much bandwidth in this mode, and it was fully worth it. Once you’ve worked out who’s good to play with (most people from most countries) and who’s retarded (most Americans) the game is a whole new kind of fun. Tense sniper wars erupt over war-torn fields, flags are captured, and I was taught a innovative vocabulary by easily-amused American nerds who thought my Stephen Hawking-inspired online persona was hilarious. (I now know what you say to someone after you’ve shot them – you say “p-owned, bitch!”)

The long and short? If you have an Xbox360 and to me, they’re still way too expensive – get this game. It controls and plays fantastically, and it’s more fun than shooting Nazis all day.

GAMES PLUS - THE NEXT LEVEL: Providing you with all your necessary gaming needs S H O P 1 0 5 , C E N T R E P L A C E M A L L , V I C T O R I A S T, H A M I LT O N · P H O N E 8 3 8 0 8 0 1 X B OX · P L AY S TAT I O N · G A M E C U B E · P C · G A M E B OY · D S · P S P · M O V I E S · A N I M E

A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride’s side and groom’s side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar loudly.

So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the front. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, “I was just being the Ring Bear!”

Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn’t have a clue what I was doing (as cited on the final exam). There were 80 multiple choice questions.

For some reason I decided to play the game of probability and choose the letter “A” for everything.

In that game, the only thing probable was that I failed.

The following day, the professor asked to see me after class. “Is everything okay?” “Sure,” I said, “Why?” “Well, here’s your test,” he said and handed me a piece of paper that was covered with red ink. “Can you explain why you chose an ‘A’ for everything?”

Knowing that there was nothing I could do at this point, I said, “Well, I’ve always wanted to be an ‘A’ student.”

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.

He yelled out,”Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!”

Contributed by Gary Oliver

Contributed by a very funny person. (a.k.a Disneyland’s Relative)

Send us your jokes and funny pics to nexus@waikato.ac.nz and you could win a Rialto Cinemas movie pass!

The teacher replied, “Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate.’ Please use the word ‘urinate’ in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.”

Contributed by Alex

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, “You’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a ten!!!”

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By Sam and the Snowtroopers

Remember life is not about the breaths that you take, but the moments that take your breath away. Get amongst it!!

- Sam It’s that time of year, and the Waikato University Ski and Snow Sports Club have put together a few tips and articles for your enjoyment. For more info on any of this, check out www.snowtroopers.org.nz.

Let’s start with some rules...

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

Keep to the Code or you’re down the Road

contact an unknowing skier enjoying themselves below.

2. People below you have right of way Don’t think that people have eyes in the back of their head and can see you coming from above.

3. Obey the signs Slow means ‘check your speed and take it easy there is a congested area below’, not, ‘now’s the time to show boat - there will be heaps of ladies if you go as fast as you can, so you won’t be sleeping alone tonight’

All skiers and boarders should know something 4. Look before you leap about the Snow Responsibility Code, this is the Always ride with a spotter (someone who rides laws of the land for skiing on the mountain. If you ahead and check that jumps are safe before you don’t follow the code then you stand the chance do them) or be sure to check landings before of getting you pass clipped (Three clips and you’re rushing off a cliff into a pile of rocks. off the mountain) or straight out taken off you. No THE SNOWTROOPERS Pass = No lift rides = Heaps of time in the cafes 5. Stop where you can be seen while everyone else is carving up the slopes. Below is a brief run down of the Don’t stop in blind corners or below ledges that hide you from sight. rules and a little about them.

Some people have taken this to mean stop in the middle of trails. This interpretation is incorrect, go to the side.

The rules are simple:

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1. Stay in control at all times Now this might seem like a simple concept but some people on the mountain are beyond simple and think that it’s “cool” to blast down beginner runs like a bat out of hell. This inevitably leads to a bit of rumpy pumpy when they

6. Don’t lose what you use It’s funny watching a glove or cell phone fall from the chair lift, not so funny when it’s yours.

Feature

7. Stay on the scene after an incident Preventing the skiing equivalent to a hit and run. If you hit someone stop and see if they are alright. No one likes a ride in the blood bath to the bottom but it’s even worse if no one calls the medics.

8. Respect gets respect No one likes a wanker.

Seems easy but some people struggle, just stay safe on the mountain and look out for others.

Where To Go Riding up North

3 different parks with features designed for beginners, intermediate and advanced riders. Generally Turoa gets a bit more snow and is able to retain it because of its south eastern position on Ruapehu. This means that it is able to open more of its trails earlier in the season and potentially stay open for longer.

Turoa This is the highest ski area in New Zealand and its gentle slopes and wide trails are preferred by snowboarders. This year they are planning on having

Whakapapa This ski area boasts over 30 trails with additional off piste skiing available for the more adventurous. This side would be more preferred by skiers because

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

If you want to ski or board in the North Island your choices are pretty limited, Ruapehu is your only choice. However, there are a couple options for which field you chose to ski, there are three Turoa, Whakapapa or Tukino. Since Whakapapa and Turoa combined into Ruapehu Alpine Lifts (RAL) skiers are able to ski or board on either side of the mountain with the same pass. These two ski fields are also going to see significant developments in the coming years with life passes being offered in an attempt to raise capital to upgrade facilities. So which should you chose to go to??

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Feature

Uni Winter Games Now some might hear the term University Winter Games and think that it is beyond them, a competition where only the elite are allowed to enter and losing is frowned upon. They would be wrong. This is a competition where alcohol is the only performance enhancing drug used and the competitors are from all skill levels.

Every year boarders and skiers conjugate at Wanaka between the 26th August and 2nd September for 6 days skiing. The competitions include Giant Slalom, Skier and Boarder Cross, Slope Style, Half Pipe, Big Air and Cross Country Skiing for the die hards. Not to mention the evening events such as Snow King and Queen, Boat Races and a couple others. Points are awarded for participation as well as placings.

The trip is intense drinking all night and boarding all day. Two years ago the team was lucky enough to be woken up by one of the members at 2am who had found brought a keg home. Although he found it outside a pub, it was empty and we had no way of opening it if it did have beer, it was cause for celebration all the same. The snow and scenery down at Wanaka are awesome and if you haven’t had a chance to go boarding down there it is an awesome opportunity to get there with some fantastic company.

Everyone ends up pretty shattered by the end of the trip but it’s always worth it for the medals. Pain is temporary glory is forever.

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

If this sounds like you check out www.snowtroopers.org.nz or drop down to see the stall on clubs day this Wednesday for more information.

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$500 cash for the winning team! Cash prize for 2nd and heaps of spot prizes!

It’s simple. Hand in your completed registration

* 5 Events Boat Race (across the lake), Chop It* (drinking race), Tug Off (tug of war), Dominos Pizza Eating Comp, and Round the Lake Relay.

All team members will compete in each event.

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

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Gig Guide

GIG GUIDE

EMAIL NEXUS@WAIKATO.AC.NZ WITH YOUR EVENTS. ALSO, VISIT WWW.MYSPACE.COM/GIGGUIDE!

Re-Orientation events are marked like this.

See pages 25-27 for more info. Day events are on the village green/banks, and night events are at Don Llewellyns (by the netball courts). Get out and celebrate the new semester!

the St James Theatre in Auckland with supporters The Mint Chicks. The tickets cost $60 and you can pick them up from ticket direct. This show is going to be rad!!!

Monday July 10th

Day

Night

Day

Night

- Mana Monday (Kapa Haka performance) - Comedy Show, starts at 8.30. $10 per ticket

Tuesday July 11th Day - Student Olympics Night - Toga Party Hamilton Film Society Hamilton Film Society meets at 8pm every Tuesday at Victoria Cinema. Intending members can sign up on screening nights or call Andrea Haines on 839-5932. Student subscriptions are $85 full year or $45 half year. 3-screening Flexi tickets are also available for $25. ‘In My Father’s Den’ will be screening on the 28th of March.

Wednesday July 12th Day

- Clubs Day and snow boarding display - 1-2pm Special General Meeting in L1 for all students

Night - Kora, at Don Llewellyns. $10 Waikato Uni

Students, $15 All else.

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

COMPILED BY MAZ

Open Mic Night Open Mic Night is happening every Wednesday from 9:30pm till late.Guitars, mics, and drum kit provided, so gather up as much talent as you can muster, and join the Rinky dinks in another year of mayhem. Drink specials and spot prizes to be announced at opening night. Fat Bellies, Hood Street, Hamilton.

Zebra Jazz band Zebra play at The Cook, Cook Street, Hamilton East every Wednesday night from 8pm.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs Rock’n’rollers the Yeah Yeah Yeahs are playing at

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Thursday July 13th - Tune out Thursday. Live acoustic music from: 12-1pm, Kimbra Johnson 1-2pm, Guinevere Ryan - Warrant of Fatness. $5 Waikato Uni Students, $10 all else

Elemeno P and Goodnight Nurse As part of their New Zealand tour, Elemeno P and Goodnight Nurse going to be playing at Altitude in Hamilton. The show will be an R18 event. See feature, page 18.

The Dirty Mits The Dirty Mits are playing in store at Real Groovy, Auckland. The show starts at 6pm and is free.

The Dirty Mits The Dirty Mits join up with the City Newton Bombers, We Dunno, and punk rockers The Rabble at the King’s Arms Tavern, Auckland. The show starts at 9pm and costs $12 (R18)

Friday July 14th Day Night

- Aguamenco.

- Late 80’s Mercedes supported by Missing Link. $5 Waikato Uni Students, $10 all else.

Shaky Hands EP Release party The Shaky Hands, This Night Creeps & Sunny Tokyo are playing in support of the release of the Shaky Hands’ EP ‘Cut off Your Hands’ at the Kings Arms Tavern in Auckland Malenky Robot’s new single ‘Ween the Rich in Robot Wars’ will also be available. The show will cost $10 and is R18. If the Shakey Hands don’t have their EP ready don’t blame me, they’ve been telling me that they will have it for at least 6 months now…

Goodnight Nurse Moving along in their New Zealand tour, Elemeno P and Goodnight Nurse will be playing at the Glenfield Tavern in Auckland. The show will be an

R18 event.

Hot Pursuit “Hot Pursuit” is a slick comedy crime thriller - an edgy tale of an odd pair who forge an intense friendship whilst solving one of the worst crime waves to hit the Home Counties. You can catch this show at the Community Theatre on Clarence Street at 8pm In Dread Response My favourite ginges band In Dread Response joins with the Metropolitan Balcony Jumpers, Silence All, Put to Rest, End The Day at the Te Pai Netball Hall (off Lincoln Rd), Auckland. The show will start at 7:30pm and will cost $7 (AA) Surrender To The Night Come to the Kings Arms Tavern, Auckland and join the Kingsland Vinyl Appreciation Society every Friday 4.30pm-7.30pm.every Friday 4.30pm7.30pm & jug special

Saturday July 15th Night - DJ Shan with guests the B Boys.

$5 for all.

The Dirty Mits Brave the cold and come to Upsett Records, Victoria Street, Hamilton. The Dirty Mits + more are playing an early afternoon show, starting at 2pm.

The show will cost $12 and is all ages.

Sunday July 16th SUNDAY UNDRESSED Johnny Barker, Reb Fountain & Dave Bijoux are playing at this weeks Sunday Undressed show at the Kings Arms, Auckland. It all kicks off at 3pm and costs $4 (All proceeds go to the musicians).

ONGOING EVENTS The Magic Flute Amazing opera The Magic Flute is being performed at the Aotea Centre, The Edge, Auckland Until the 15th of July tickets from $48 from Ticketek. I have seen this opera and it is truly beautiful! I highly recommend you check it out!

Re-Orientation

PRESENTS

A GUIDE TO

Kora The headlining act for Re-Orientation is the mighty Kora, playing at Don Llewellyn’s on Wednesday. If you haven’t seen Kora in action before, they’re highly recommended. If you have, you’ll be picking out your dance outfit already.

Some background - Kora are a 5 piece band with huge live presence, and vocal harmonies sailing on a powerhouse rhythm section. Solid musicians, the 4 brothers & Dan, hail from Wellington & Whakatane, Aotearoa.

Dub & Fat Freddy’s Drop and subsequently in Sept 05 & May 06. Kora have completed a NZ tour NZ with Shihad, Salmonella Dub, Katchafire & Shapeshifter and are planning a show with Public Enemy here in NZ. Kora are heading into the studio in April 2006 to work on an album, and are off to Hawaii in August 2006

In 2002, Kora was formed as a five-piece, with brothers Bradley, Francis & Stuart. Kora recorded their music video Politician after winning Coke Cola’s Launchpad competition and a documentary for TVNZ’s the Living Room which aired on TV2 in April 2004. ‘Politician’ was play listed by 15 stations nationwide and held the number 1 spot on Radio Scopes alternative charts for two weeks, whilst staying in the top ten for 8.

Kora toured New Zealand for the 2006 summer including Splore, Kaikoura Roots Festival, Soundsplash, Parihaka Peace Festival & Rippon 06 in Wanaka. You can see them here in the 2006 winter for a mere $10 ($15 non-students), and anyone interested should grab the chance. Come down, warm up and groove all that first-week-back stress away.

Kora visited Australia for the first time during April 2005 with Salmonella

See www.kora.co.nz for more info.

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

“...Kora is a force to be reckoned. The band’s funky, dub and reggae beats and awesome vocal harmonies have gained them a huge fan base.”

— Sticky Pictures for The Living Room TV2.

25

PRESENTS

A GUIDE TO

A Night of Comedy

Looks like this should be pretty good value.

The word on the comedians from comedy.co.nz:

Justin Hansen

Dai Henwood

Jan Maree

Better known as GISH is one of the most popular comedians on the NZ pro comedy circuit with a wicked combination of original and popular song parodies and a healthy toke of comedy for the bros.

He has turned his song writing talents to comedy providing a unique alternative amongst his fellow standup’s. GISH made his PULP COMEDY debut last year and had continued to feature at The Classic and around the North Island. His songs have all held tops spots in the NZ COMEDY charts on mp3.

Once upon a time, February 1978 in fact. Dai Henwood was born in Wellington, New Zealand.

Since that time he has launched an explosive career as one of the country’s most recognized comedians, working full time in Auckland. In a relatively short space of time he has performed throughout New Zealand and is also a regular feature at The Classic Comedy Bar. Dai has starred on three series of TV2’s Pulp Comedy. In 1999 he won Pulp Comedy’s Best New Face and in 2003 Dai has earned his own Pulp Comedy half-hour TV special, featuring his individual brand of sketch and character comedy.

Jan Maree is a must see, a one girl whirlwind that can whip any room into a frenzy! She hit Auckland’s stand-up comedy scene as a new face on TV’s PULP COMEDY in ‘97. Over the past 2 and a half years she has produced several live shows including ‘Rolling Stoned’ , ‘Hairspray’ , and ‘The Beatnik Dream’, all of which have helped carve a niche for her in yer face energy, guts and grace. Jan Maree is a regular performer and MC around Auckland’s better known satellite comedy venues as well as The Classic Comedy Club.

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

Kimbra

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You may have seen Kimbra at the Uni’s 40th birthday bash a year or so back, or at various

Receiving a NZ On Air New Recording Artist grant in 2005, Kimbra recently recorded her sin-

occasions around town. Or even singing the national anthem at the prestigious All Blacks vs Ireland test match.

According to the bio, live performance has always been Kimbra’s passion. She has performed her own music at numerous venues in Hamilton, Auckland and Wellington mainly as an acoustic soloist but occasionally with the support of a band.

Songwriting is another passion, and she has written over 100 songs.

gle, ‘Deep For You’, at York St Studios with UK producer Greg Haver. Kimbra went on to receive a video grant from NZ On Air for ‘Deep For You’ and this was released to television and radio in March this year with play on C4 and radio stations nationwide. Kimbra is currently recording her second single with NZ On Air funding to be hitting radio hopefully by the end of this year.

All up, this should be a very pleasant accompaniment to your lunch.

Guinevere Ryan

Warrant Of Fatness

Guinevere Ryan is a seasoned live acoustic performer and has a great voice. Stick around, chill out, have some more lunch. You can always go on to afternoon tea

See the boys from 48 May in covers band guise, and sing along to your favourites.

PRESENTS

Aguamenco Aguamenco is a Waikato-based Acoustic Flamenco trio.

Their music is described as a fusion of traditional flamenco and modern rhythms. Each member brings their own style and input based on their musical experiences and tastes, making for an exciting melodic and rhythmical experience that touches traditional styles and mixes it with a contemporary flavour. Aguamenco have been playing throughout the Waikato for the past 5 years.

With the current line up, their music has been heard at corporate functions, annual community events, festivals, restaurants, and they were also the opening act for the 2004 Montana Jazz Festival in Tauranga. If you have any maracas or swirly red skirts, Aguamenco’s performance would be a great time to bust them out.

Late 80s Mercedes Apparently, Late80smercedes is a swing funk band qualified to funka-fy your life. Scary. Late80smercedes was formed in 2000 after a few additions to the solid state trio (a cafe-jazz band featuring James Hannah, Jayden Keoghan, Sam Trenwith and Brian Goodhall). James started arranging pop songs into swing and the rest mixed in the funk... then badda bing badda boom! Late80smercedes was born.

Be prepared to dance, anyway. Even the cows by Silverdale Rd will be jumping around.

Missing Link Missing link are an up and coming New Zealand band originally from Warkworth and now from Hamilton. Missing Link began in 2001 when a bunch of eager third formers with little musical experience were drawn to the fame and fortune of rockstardom. In 2004 the band won the North Shore regional rockquest. This led to performances with Goodnight Nurse and an appearance as the house band on Sports Café. Missing Link completed their 3-song EP early this year.

DJ Shan and the B Boys I don’t know a whole lot about these guys, so you’ll have to go along and find out for yourself. Enjoy!

What else is on?

Killing Time During... Re-Orientation Gary Oliver picks out some highlights

You might all be sitting in the first lectures for the new semester reading the first nice new shiny issue of the ‘Nexus’ for the semester too. If so, well done; it’s the first week back so there’s plenty of stuff to do over the next couple of days. Being a considerate bunch, the Nexus team has taken the time and effort to construct you a timetable for the week ahead…

Date: Monday 10 July 2006 Time: 7:30 PM Event: Comedy night Location: Don Llewellyn’s You discover your lecturer has an interesting lisp; you’ve enrolled a friend in Basket weaving & advanced calculus; or perhaps that blue vein and sardine sandwich you stuffed in the S-Block air conditioning vent is starting to take effect. Sure, these all provide a good dose of hilarity to kick off the semester, but we’ve got something even better… Veg out with the comedy styling of Jan Maree, Dy Henwood and Gish. Tickets are just $5 for Waikato University Students, $10 for others and can be purchased at the door or from WSU Reception.

Date: Tuesday 11 July 2006 Time: 12:30 PM - 5:00 PM Event: Student Olympics Location: Village Green - Banks on Campus Want to win $400 while humiliating others with your sporting prowess over 5 events? You all know the drill by now; register your team of 4 at the WSU reception or email orientation@wsu.org.nz for an entry form.

Date: Thursday 13 July 2006 Time: 8:00 PM Event: Live music Location: Don Llewellyn’s Having fulfilled their potential as one-hit-wonders, the boys from ‘48 May’ make an appearance as the covers band - ‘Warrant of Fatness’. Back to the pub ladies and gentlemen, Jonno needs a new pair of boxers. Tickets are just $5 for Waikato University Students, $10 for others and can be purchased at the door or from WSU Reception.

Date: Friday 14 July 2006 Time: 8:00 AM Event: Somemore live music Location: Don Llewellyn’s Bar on Campus I love ‘Late 80s Mercedes’; these guys keep getting funkier as years go by.

As all the Don’s regulars know the warm-up act, ‘The Missing Link boys’ ain’t half bad either. Tickets are just $5 for Waikato University Students, $10 for others and can be purchased at the door or from WSU Reception.

So there you have it, tones of entertainment right here on campus. As per usual many thanks to the WSU, and all the other people out there that make our O-weeks kick ass. Welcome back everyone, enjoy the semester.

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

Monday day the celebrations start with a Kapa Haka performance.

Tuesday day is the Student Olympics. If you would like to register for that then fill in the form on page 23 and hand it into the WSU reception.

Wednesday day has the Clubs day event where you can go and sign up to clubs you are interested in. There is also a Snowboarding display on which should be very interesting!

Day events are held at the Village Green next to the shops and lake and night events will be held at Don Llewellyn’s over by the Netball courts.

A GUIDE TO

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President’s column Kiaora Tangatas! And welcome back to campus.

So much has happened since I last touched base with you all, so I am just going to fill you in on a number of things that I think you should know about.

members; Kaye Turner, Deputy Chair of the TEC, and Gerald Bailey, another star from our university who provided advice and guidance to student association members on various legal issues that we deal with on a far too regular basis.

Strategic Plan

Te Ranga Ngakau Haerenga and the Rangatahi Business Competition

The University has adopted a new Strategic Plan as a “living document”. It has been adopted as “living”, not only because of the amount of consultation that has gone into it, but also because senior management believes that this document needs to be constantly referred to and amended annually as the University goes through changes and developments. You can access a copy through the University website, or alternatively through me.

Just flick me an email and I’ll send one to you.

NZUSA Conference The WSU hosted the New Zealand Union of Students Associations conference nearly two weeks ago. Student associations from all over the country attended this conference and workshopped new ideas and strategies in order to better inform our members of different campaigns and political issues in regards to the tertiary sector. Participants at the conference included our own Vice Chancellor who was TU MEKE with his support and opening address; the Mayor, Michael Redman who gave an awesome breakdown of how students associations can improve the ways in which we communicate and involve our

I was honoured and very privileged to be able to take part in this project. Te Ranga Ngaku (Maori Management Students Network) is undertaking a mentoring scheme which involves approximately 30 secondary school kids from around the region to develop their potential in finding opportunities in tertiary study. The kids work alongside university students to experience first hand how to research and analyse the success of various Maori organisations. They then collate all this information with their groups and put together a case analysis on one of the organisations they visit and analyse.

They will present their findings at the big events night on August 3 where the best team and case analysis will be chosen.

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

ELECTIONS are upon us. And appointment will take place till the end of the year, but another big election will go down in October for all executive positions.

If there is just one thing I ask of any, no, ALL readers, is that you judge not on appearance, but on belief of how the person for whom you place your vote will perform. I have heard people speaking judgementally of others based on things other than performance, and I dearly hope that we as a society (and student leaders as potentially

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Overall, this project and the people involved were inspirational and brought a breath of fresh air to the way of encouraging young people into tertiary education. All the bullshit of politics and bureaucracy had to take a back seat for the couple of days that I spent with these kids. It made me realize how much more we have to do as students to give back into our community, to make our society sustainable and to ensure that we are constantly growing, learning, supporting and developing our futures.

Okay, that’s it for me for the moment. Make sure you people get involved with Re-O week; we have a number of events and activities for you all to take part in.

Please also try to get down for the WSU Special General Meeting on Wednesday in order to appoint the vacant positions that we have on the executive for the rest of the year, and before we hold the general elections.

See you all around soon!!!

In the two days that I spent with them in Wellington, we visited Te Puni Kokiri, Kia Kaha Clothing and Huia Publishers. We also visited and dined with MP Parekura Horomia, who shouted us all dinner!! MP Nania Mahuta was also supposed to be part of this visit, but ended up being stuck in foggy Hamilton because of the airport closure.

Disabilities Issues Officer WELCOME BACK and greetings to those starters.

Sehai Orgad

steering tomorrows society) aren’t still judging people based on their race/sexual orientation/ disability(for want of a better term).

So, the least favourite section of Nexus magazine would appear to be (according to one source) the “WSU column thingys”. Great! As it happens, of all the student newspapers around the country, Nexus has some of the highest WSU content for the lowest rate! Let’s do as I was privy to last semester, and halve the content for the same rate, thus reflecting the value we place on having an Independent Mag, and allowing it extra pages of fun stuff and revenue guff.

Jeff Hawks If there is any feedback on WSU input into Nexus, PLEASE, do drop me a line and let me know, for you I am here to serve. C’mon…who loves Mozzarella?

Disabled Students Support Officer - disabilities@ wsu.org.nz

Vice President’s column

Carl Gordon

One of the three aims of the University of Waikato’s ‘Vision’ is to “provide a full and dynamic university experience which is distinctive in character”.

This ‘unique Waikato experience’ will “encompass the entire intellectual, cultural, political, social and recreational life that students enjoy while they are enrolled”. Its distinctiveness is based on (a) its academic programmes, (b) being student-centred, (c) partnerships with Maori, (d) our Pacific dimensions, (e) the beauty and safety of the campus,

over 10 years measured the ‘student experience’.

It found that a student’s total experience at university “shapes their judgements of quality, optimises retention and motivates engagement in productive learning” (NZ Education Review, June 9, 2006, p.

12). It also found that “learning is a profoundly social experience influenced by relationships with peers and with staff … feeling ‘great’ about the place … can impact positively on retention, provided quality tests for course design and staff are met” (loc. cit.).

The areas that students considered most im-

library and student support systems actively working together.

• Relevant, consistent and integrated assessment to allow students to succeed.

Wide variation in the quality of student experiences across and within universities was found.

The study showed that the tables which rank universities holistically are inaccurate and misleading (PBRF rankings are not great either).

Areas of discontent for students were widespread - assessment, standards, marking, expectations, management, feedback, student support,

and (f) partnerships with local authorities to foster a positive and vibrant student culture.

At a glance this seems impressive. But what is the subtext? Is every part relevant? Is it achievable? Can it be measured? How important for enrolments are the word-of-mouth reports of students?

And do students really have a great experience here?

In a competitive academic world, all universities want to be ‘distinctive’. Slogans are one thing - more important is the quality of implementation.

An Australian study involving 90,000 students

portant were (1) course design, (2) outcomes, (3) staff, (4) assessment, and (5) student support. For productive engagement in learning there must be a consistent combination of: • Sound responsive, flexible, relevant, clear and mutually reinforcing course design using an appropriate variety of interactive, practice-oriented and problem-based learning methods.

• Capable, committed, accessible and responsive staff.

• Efficient and responsive administrative, IT,

and course structure.

Staff who best engage students are committed to and enthusiastic about teaching and research.

NZ research by Massey University found staff were rated as most effective by peers and students mainly on personality attributes – relations with students, integrity and trust (NZ Education Review, 12 May 2006, p. 1).

What’s your experience? If you have problems with the University, and if you want an advocate, give us a call.

WSU EXEC 2006

Are you having a great experience as a student?

PRESIDENT

VICE-PRESIDENT

DISABILITIES OFFICER

INTERNATIONAL OFFICER

MATURE STUDENTS OFFICER

Sehai Orgad

Carl Gordon

Jeff Hawks

Sonja Gruebmeyer

Vince Malcolm-Buchanan

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

EDUCATION OFFICER

GLBT OFFICER

CAMPAIGNS OFFICER

MAORI STUDENT OFFICER

WOMEN’S RIGHTS OFFICER

Andrew Pritchard

Megan Moffet

Jade & Joseph

Renee Rewi

Kim Armstrong

TAURANGA OFFICER

Anthony Mckenna

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GLBT Officer The 9th July is a very important anniversary in the history of NZ.

Megan Moffet New Zealanders.

On 9th of July 1986 the 3rd reading of the Homosexual law Reform Bill passed 49-44 shortly before 10pm. This bill, passed only 20 years ago, made it legal to be gay in New Zealand. Before this point people could be charged with the crime of “unnatural sexual connection”, often resulting in negative publicity, job loss and the complete destruction of a way of life.

Before the bill passed, gay venues were attacked; men’s saunas raided; homes searched and sheets forensically examined for evidence of homosexual activity. Violence against lesbian, gay and transgender people was frequent and usually went unreported. Who would report a gay bashing to the police when the police themselves had been perpetrators of the some of the worst incidences of anti-gay violence, both verbal and physical?

It was a tough, passionate 2 year campaign that led finally to the passing of the Homosexual law Reform Bill. It is thanks to the voices of people once hidden from view, castigated as deviants and relegated to comedic disrespect, victims of marginalisation, misinformation and violence, that I am able to write this column today. I stand in awe at the active agents in the struggle for freedom from discrimination for lesbian and gay

Predictably, opposition to the law change was nasty. Visiting American anti-gay evangelists, the Salvation Army, prominent New Zealanders and numerous politicians swamped the media with a venomous backlash. There were anti-gay rallies on the steps of Parliament, with lots of flags and earnest renditions of the national anthem, which attempted to sway public opinion and save the nation from secular humanism; to return New

Zealand to a more God-fearing righteous path. Despite all the fascist posturing, pompous rhetoric and predictions of hell on earth, Parliament finally voted in the homosexual law reform legislation on July 9th, 1986.

The life I lead today, generally free of homophobia, is due to the thousands of people who have struggled in the fight against oppression.

It is hard to imagine a world where I could get beaten up for holding hands with my girlfriend in public, but it’s only been about 15 years since that was a common occurrence. I’m so glad to have been born in a time when I am free to be myself, and Sunday 9th of July 2006 was a day to celebrate and give thanks.

Maori Students’ Officer Kia Ora te whanau whanui o te motu – naumai haeremai ki te whare wahanga o Waikato. No reira tena koutou, tena koutou, kia ora tatou katoa.

To all those newbies out there welcome, to

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

all those of you who returned safely, “get busy”.

You ain’t on holiday – no really folks, your holiday ended when you entered the gate. (Please do not write about my use of language – it was done on purpose, so all you english majors, just relax).

Whilst you were away WSU hosted NZUSA National July 2006 Conference where for the very first time Māori caucusing happened, now adopted as a new stand-alone conference prior to NZUSA Conference. I send a big kia ora to all those who backed this initiative looking to discussing all those issues that due to tight agendas can now be discussed. Myself, as WSUMSO, and Veronica Kaituhono of TMA pushed and won through for this caucus to happen and the result was extremely

30

beneficial for all Māori students.

Renee Rewi towards treaty has got them asking questions and wanting more.

Well as always when the sun shines there are parts of any conference that leave more than a little to be desired. As a result of these mishaps,

MOŪ TE MANA KŌWHIRI

there are a few apologies that need to be made:

Wed 19 July 2006

Papa Tom Roa – you are our rock and without your expert guidance and supervision we would have ended up in a mess bigger than that which we did. To those people who volunteered to help Papa Tom, help us, many thanks go to you all.

Venue: The Banks, Waikato University 1pm: Facilitators welcome 1.15pm to 1.45pm: Presentation then questions Free food available

Joseph McFarland – as always when you present things, the humorous side of Māori culture and your own unique style of humor shows itself. To you I extend my personal apologies for any inconsiderate mistakes made by the WSU Executive. Your one-hour rendition on the treaty in practice was certainly an eye opener for all those who are not law students where a new view

Māori Electoral Option National Lecture Series

Lecture three is a joint venture between (SAWIT) Students Association of Waikato Institute of Technology and (WSU) Waikato University Student Union. Facilitated by WSUMSO Renee Rewi the objective is about gaining Māori a larger say in Parliament through more representation.

International Students’ Officer Hello all you internationals out there! Welcome back, or just ‘Welcome!’ to our new internationals.

I hope you had a nice lecture break, with no frostbite and a friend watching soccer with you.

Today, my deepest sympathy goes out to all British students on campus: sorry you missed out for the semi-finals (again, hehe). YAY! Soccer rules! Even if your team didn’t make it to the finals (or, like New Zealand, has as much hope as a snowflake in hell to ever enter the soccer World Cup*) don’t be disappointed. Make up for it! You can still enter the social games in the Unirec centre and show that the only reason your country missed out this time is because you are here at Waikato and don’t have time to play international soccer.

And now that you have taken a nice big gulp of national pride, listen: I need you for August 4th, yup, write that into your diary - now. On August 4th we will have International Student Day. This is about YOU! The theme this year will be TRAVEL

TIPS. Yeah, show your Kiwi friends where you live and where they should go if they visit your country.

This is your opportunity to show other people your country and culture, without dancing and cooking.

I mean, let’s face it, not everyone can dance – or cook.

This International Day is for you to present your country: design an A3 Poster, in colour to be presented at the banks on August 4th and win a trip to a still unknown destination or book vouchers from Bennetts. We will pay for the prints, so let your imagination run free and give me some travel tips. Every international student can participate, use pictures from home, your home or somebody else’s home and make me happy about all that participation of international students on campus.

WSU is featuring Finland for this travel tip day due to the lack of Finnish students on campus. So I invite you to celebrate this cute little Nordic country at the far end of Europe with me. From Finland

Sonja Gruebmejer come such practical little things like saunas, Nokia phones and Mika Häkkinen. Wear white or blue tshirts whenever you like to show your support for this great country that got its World Cup hopes shattered on the 12th of October 2005 when the Czech Republic smashed them in a 3:0 game out of the worldcup qualifying group 1.

•

•

• And if you want to know who the heck Mika Häkkinen is : www.hakkinen.com Have a wonderful first week at Waikato, and an enthusiastic hello again for the 250-something new international students. (*They’re probably not winning it anytime soon, but NZ did make the 1st round of World Cup finals in 1982 – Ed)

Mature Students’ Officer The Japanese eat little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than New Zealanders and Australians. The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than New Zealanders and Australians. The Italians drink a lot of red wine yet they too suffer fewer heart attacks than New Zealanders and Australians.

to appoint a committee to facilitate the end of year celebrations. Secondly, we will be vigorously promoting the upcoming Adult Learners Week.

Speaking of which Nexus will be producing a full feature article regarding this pivotal event, so keep your eyes out and feel free to get involved in the magnificent celebrations.

Moral of the story: Eat and drink what you like.

Speaking English is apparently what kills you!

I have also been asked, once again, to emphasise the closing date for the Vice-Chancellor’s Adult Learners Awards.

ALMS (Adult Learners and Mature Students Association) will be seeking to bring to fruition two pivotal projects over the duration of this semester. Firstly, we will be conducting elections

Established in 2000 and first awarded in 2001, these awards are intended to encourage more adults to access learning opportunities and to celebrate the efforts, achievements and contributions of adult learners. Three awards of $1000 each will be awarded annually during Adult Learners’ Week (September). To be eligible, nominees must: a) be at least 25 years old, and

Vincent Malcolm-Buchanan b)

c)

d)

be enrolled at the University of Waikato, either full-time or part-time, and be enrolled in the B semester of the year of awarding, and be studying towards the completion of their first tertiary qualification.

Please note – the closing date for nominations to be received by the Scholarships Office is 5pm on the first Friday of B Semester. That’s this Friday people – so I implore you to submit nominations as soon as possible in order to be considered for the award. One final note on this; nominations can be submitted by fellow students! So karawhuia…

To all continuing students, we hope your A semester academic pursuits came to fruition. To newly arriving students, get out there, go hard and have a great time. Finally, to all students alike, Waikato Student Union is your Union – so feel free to get in touch and let us know how to best represent your interests.

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

Hey hey hey and welcome to B Semester at Waikato University. At the actual time of composing this piece the WSU was gearing up to facilitate your B Semester Orientation Week into which you will by now have arrived – therefore I urge one and all to participate to the utmost in the festivities.

So if you still have questions about August: international@wsu.org.nz If you need to know who won the soccer world cup: www.fifa.com

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Ace of

EDWARD WINEY-HANDS

Clubs

Alpha Delta Gamma ΛΔΓ

After first emerging as an idea this year, Alpha Delta Gamma is a club that embraces everything it is to be a student. No doubt some of you have heard about us in past Nexus issues but what is it that we really do?? We try to encourage people build relationships that could last a lifetime as well as building networks that could help you when you finish university. We aren’t just about getting drunk, we care about our members’ futures and do everything that we can to ensure that they enjoy their time at university by providing a social atmosphere and events that make the time spent seem worthwhile.

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

In the past we have put on “Hermits in the park”, which was a huge success with just under 20 people turning out to consume a dozen in the park in an hour before being let out. Before that we had a real Toga party at the beginning of the year with cask wine for all and no commercialism or expensive pub prices. Recently we had “Edward Winey Hands” which was a little bit of carnage. If any of this sounds like you, keep

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your eyes peeled for info on our Open Party this coming Saturday the 15th July. There will be posters up all around campus, everyone’s welcome. We’re also taking on pledges this semester so if you’re keen to get involved jump down to the banks on clubs day and check out our stall, have a chat to the guys and get your name down. The open party will be a good night to get a feel for things. Theme is “Red Carpet Party” so think 60s, 70s and anyone you think you could see on the red carpets around the world.

If you’d like to profile your uni club in Ace Of Clubs, just email nexus@waikato.ac.nz. Everyone else, git along to Clubs Day on the 12th July, 9 – 12 outside the banks.

MEXICAN PARTY

O’WEEK ROOF PARTY

TOGA PARTY

HERMIT IN THE PARK

NOTICE OF SPECIAL GENERAL MEETING 12 JULY 2006 IN L1 INFORMATION

This is a Special General Meeting because it concerns the Election of the following portfolios for the remainder of 2006; Sport and Recreation Officer Finance Officer Environmental Officer

Make sure you attend this meeting after checking out Clubs Day and help choose your preferred representatives for these positions. Candidates will be making speeches and answering questions.

Send your notices of 100 words or less to nexus@waikato.ac.nz, or drop into box at WSU reception. Deadline is 5pm Tues.

Flatmate available. Claudelands, large room. $115 including power and ph. Female flatmate wanted. Ph Vicky 8537522 or 0273024413.

Hi there ! We are looking for a flatmate to share a six bedroom house with 2 girls, 3 guys – all uni students. House is split level 3 up 3 down so preferably a female to share the upstairs part (separate toilets and showers). House is in May Street (just behind the Knighton Road shops) – 5 minute walk to uni. $90 per week covers rent, phone, power and household essentials. Bond is $280. Please phone 859 1201 and talk to any of us if you’re interested.

Bass player wanted for prof. rock covers band working 3 nights a week. Must have good gear and personality. Ph Malcolm 0211523747 Uni carpool club meeting! Come down to the Gurus Lounge in the WSU building. Become a member and gain access to the carpool register! So come on down and beat the fuel prices! See you there! 12pm on Tues 18 July.

Email unicarpool@gmail.com

Calling All Engineering Students to come down to the banks on Clubs Day and grab a bite of sausages. Also, come and nominate yourself or fellow classmates for the Executive Board position of WESA ‘07. More details along with other upcoming Semester B WESA events at the WESA stall on Clubs Day. Nomines will be introduce at the AGM, next Wednesday (19th July) 1pm. There will be drinks and pizzas provided so mark the date down in your calendar.

Sightseeing Club Hello we have started a sight seeing club for international students (the blind need not apply), if you would like to join please send an email to jrr9@waikato.ac.nz or send us a text with your name on 0274059 958.

Refugee Resettlement Join the last 2006 training course for people who are interested in befriending and

supporting a newly arrived refugee family. We need dedicated people who can volunteer their time and friendship to help a family resettle in Hamilton. Please call Rebecca on 8532195, email rebecca.donaldson@rms.org.nz or txt your name and address to 021 040 3544 for an information pack. The most important gift you can give is your time.

ATTENTION: ALL ATHLETES ON CAMPUS The role of Nicky Buchanan, High Performance Manager, is to ensure all sportspeople at Waikato University are supported in order to achieve their best in sport and study. Drop in anytime - SUB, Office 1.11.

Is yr spelin as apawling as ths sentins is?

We’ll help you get the grades you want by proofreading, editing and revising your assignments for you.

Visit us at www.editwrite.co.nz

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

Flat wanted - I’m an English major with ten fingers and toes, hoping to live near university.

I’m reachable only on a landline - 8508170.

Welcome Dinner For new and returning students for 2006 at Lady Goodfellow Chapel (opposite Unirec gym) July 14th, Friday at 6.30. Hosted by ICF (International Christian Fellowship). Contact h_icf@yahoo.com

When you write wrong, we right the wrongs

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Feature OOPS...

Nexus Does Fieldays Mystery Creek 14-17 June

By Dawn Tuffery At first, it seemed in doubt I would even make it to Fieldays, being at the mercy of a man with a car. He wasn’t keen.

But fortunes swung my way Thursday evening when TV suggested an ex-Miss Uruguay was going to be there. Ok, maybe we could find a few hours. Could I take a picture of him with Miss Uruguay?

So how was it? Well, Fieldays has plenty of good qualities but originality doesn’t tend to feature. Even if you’ve been exiled in Tasmania for 10 years, you know there’ll be a llama somewhere and mud and tractors and 25 places where you can buy a new sort of fertiliser. Schoolkids compete to get the most free stuff. Whatever time you leave, the traffic congestion is epic. Marching around the expansive site avoiding avid salespeople can be a vaguely exhausting ordeal. On the upside, there’s a lot of stalls with cool clothes and food and many ‘Fieldays Specials’.

Competitions abound – you can make stockwhip music in the Sonic Art

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

Awards, weave sheep dags into a bra in the Ag Artwear Awards, put your manly bachelordom on trial for the Golden Gumboot or demonstrate your fencing skills for the Golden Pliers. Next year I suggest the ‘Most creative traffic solution’ Award. Cross country horse-riding from some large field about 10kms away ($10 a pop) would surely be a financial and logistical success? Or 4WDs towing trailers of townies? Fleets of genetically modified flying cows?

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So, the verdict. Free stuff count was down a bit, but I didn’t try that hard.

Got some tasty chocolate though. The Ag Artwear show was a predictable highlight, and provided the best photos. A crane fell over, but we missed that. The mud was less pronounced than previous years. I bought some really nice jeans, and warm gloves.

But sadly, despite several hours wandering, we never found Miss Uruguay.

Guess she was lounging in a tent somewhere, brushing a llama or wooing the winning bachelor. Maybe next year.

ENTRIES IN THE AG ARTWEAR AWARDS

Columns

Chipping Away at Freedom

‘Winter’

There’s nothing worse than knee-jerk laws coming into effect that have stemmed from a single event or from a series of unrelated ones. Case in point: dog microchipping. Now this one’s personal to me because I happen to own a number of well trained dogs, yet I am being punished for the actions of others. Because of a couple of aggressive dogs attacked some people, all dogs are labelled as dangerous and the owners of dogs that are never going to attack anyone are the ones who have to pay for it. If the gov-

It’s cold. It’s raining. I’m wearing at least three layers, and sitting inside beside the heater. Okay, so winter must have arrived.

ernment seriously thinks that bringing in a law that forces all new dogs to be microchipped is going to stop Uncle Bully owning 14 pig dogs that are all aggressive, they are kidding themselves. But their measures wouldn’t have worked if it wasn’t for the ignorant public who are stupid enough to buy into it. I recently read one of those dumb “ask the public” newspaper articles that was asking the average Joe on the street if he thought dog microchipping was necessary. One idiot said that yes, it was necessary to stop “all those dogs from biting babies”. It’s fuckwits like him that allow governments to get away with anything.

quite delicious about sitting in front of a fire with hot chocolate and a good book. Okay well maybe that’s just me…but the fire sure sounds good!

But of course the opposition were there to step in and stop the government’s foolish plans by…forcing an exemption for working dogs! Way to go National! Thank God we have you here to stop this renegade government from running wild with power! Please. So working dogs deserve an exemption because they don’t attack people? My dogs don’t attack people, along with the overwhelming majority of dogs. Whatever happened to laws that applied to everybody? Why are there so many exemptions now?

‘Winter’ has been used by many poets and writers to embody a time of rest, old age, and renewal. To my mind this makes sense, the deciduous trees are hibernating waiting to bring forth new leaves in the spring, everything seems greyer, more tired. There is a stark sort of beauty about winter, it’s not the typical stunning blue skies and brilliant sun, but for me it is a more real beauty. Artist Andrew Wyeth once wrote:

How about going to the root of the problem and punishing irresponsible dog owners? When someone drives drunk and kills someone, we don’t punish all drivers (except, of course, those who drive cars for “working purposes”) do we? No, the driver responsible for the control of the car is punished.

That’s how it should be for dogs.

So Helen, you can shove your microchip up your arse. Why don’t you attempt to solve our health and crime problems? Or distribute that massive budget surplus back to the people? Would it be too much to ask to leave us in peace? And could you stop labelling my lazy and harmless dog as a violent threat?

Everyone has a different view on winter, some people hate the rain (or snow, if it actually snows where you live), some hate the cold. Others like winter, they like the calmness and the serenity, the brisk air. Whatever your views on winter, I’m sure most people would agree that there is something

‘Winter’ is of Germanic origin; it has always been a part of English. In fact, it hasn’t changed its base form at all since it was used in Old English.

‘Winter’ is defined as the “fourth and coldest season of the year, coming between Autumn and Spring’ by the Oxford English Dictionary. Of course OED goes on to specify exactly when the season begins and ends, but those dates don’t work down here in the Southern Hemisphere!

“I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape - the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter.

Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn’t show.”

To me this quote describes winter so well, the leaves fall and we are left with bare structures of the countryside, but as Wyeth said, there is something waiting underneath, the promise that spring is to come.

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

Many cultures and spiritualities celebrate the seasons, and for them winter is not harsh, cold and bleak as Western culture tends to view it; for them, winter is not just a time of decay or hibernation; there is a sense of renewal about it too. The earth is taking a break, it is sleeping, relaxing, refreshing itself. Just as we go to sleep every night, so too does the earth sleep. I think there is a lesson in winter for us all to learn. Relax, take time to refresh, and renew yourself; because it is important for your wellbeing and for your stress levels to take a break every now and then!

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Columns

It’s one thing to be beaten off the line at the traffic lights by some car with a body kit and big bore exhaust. It’s quite another to be beaten by a shabby little car with hubcaps and a scratchy paint job. Obviously the difference lies with the integrity of your ego after the encounter. In the 11th issue of Nexus I wrote the article on rotaries, and more specifically I said “you get the guys who drop one in an old shitbox starlet or corolla, turn the idle down and drive slowly around town”. This doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily a bad thing to put a rotary engine in a little hatch, but it definitely is a bad thing to go and be a show off when all you have is a bit of noise. Of course, such a car that looks pretty much stock on the outside (but certainly isn’t stock under the hood) is still a good option, though it takes more than just putting a rotary in it to make it worthwhile.

There are a few different perceptions of a sleeper. Certainly the most common one is a car that looks stock at best on the outside, but has the beans hidden under the hood. These cars are cool because they are fast and powerful, but they don’t draw attention to themselves, which is good for a Uni student who doesn’t want their car targeted by thieves. They’re shabby enough to be shrugged off as nothing special by an unsuspecting boy racer, but it’s a gold moment when you shatter a boy racers ego as your little rolla blows his flashy evo away.

A different type of sleeper is the beast that lives most of its life in its owner’s garage under a cover, hidden from the risk of dust and grime, only ever to surface at times when the owner wants to go and blow some boy racers away and have a bit of fun. Half of the time these cars are road legal, but half of the time they are not; removing the boundaries of the law opens the doors to many more upgrade options. Owners tend to keep their cars legal though, just so they don’t have to worry so much about coming across some cops. These sorts of sleepers come in all varieties, but definitely tend

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

to be large cars with enormous engines, and in such good condition that its no wonder the owner doesn’t want to risk taking it out where it could get some grime on its well-polished body. These sleepers are the ones that have the looks and even more power to back it up.

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There is a fundamental problem with sleepers. Because they’re either not flashy on the outside, or are hidden away for most of their lives, the owners never really get looked twice at. Of course this isn’t necessarily a problem, but it’s nice to get recognition after you’ve spent time and money on your ride. That’s the thing about being a boy racer - whether other drivers like your ride or if they just think you’re a dork, its still recognition. It could be argued that sleeper drivers don’t need recognition, but it’s always good to have people appreciate your ride.

I am a ‘prophetic oracular sphere’ according to Wikipedia. What does that mean to you? It means I tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. You ask ‘Is that possible?’, I answer ‘It is certain!’ Email your burning YES/NO questions about life, the universe, everything, if a certain girl likes you, whether you will keep your job, all that crap that you ‘HUMANS’ tend to worry about to 8ballknowsall@gmail.com. If you’re too impatient, I can notify you of what is certain to occur in the future… or stuff about secrets and junk. I love that shit. Now, down to business!

My exams have just finished and I should hopefully be finished now (blasted 3 year degree ended up being 3 and a half years!). Please please please give me the answer: Will I finally be finished with university this year?

‘Yes definitely’ Your worries will be laid to rest and finally you can celebrate!

You have fully finished your education at University! Unfortunately, your degree is for a field of professionals who are already saturated with plenty of better-qualified workers. In your future, you are definitely finished with university, however, you’ll find yourself registering for Media Arts at WINTEC (after a couple years of working in shitty retail and hospitality outlets) and you’ll enter into yet another saturated professional field. I’m telling you now: Make yourself someone that is truly unique and excellent in your field of study. Go, do it! You really don’t want to be a graphic designer, or cosmosforbid, someone who works in film! Bwahahahaha!

Hey 8 ball can you please help me with a predicament that I am in. Currently I am on my restricted license, I need my car which I use alot (which is overdue for a warrant buy a couple months), and I’m scared of being pulled over by the cops. I’m not a bad driver and my car isnt in an undriving condition I just haven’t had enough money to get the warant and get a seatbelt in the backseat fixed (those things are expensive!!!). I was wondering, will I be pulled over by the cops anytime soon and hav a big fat fine slapped on me?! Please say no!!!

‘Outlook not so good’ Sorry boy, the peeps in blue have no sympathy for those will few funds and will suckle as much as they can. Perhaps suckle is the wrong word – they will drain as much out of you as they can as the government will let them. See, nowadays the police are more of a funding scheme for the government rather than a protection service for the populace.

If the so-called world is falling to shit because of terrorists and increasing crime, perhaps something should be done to educate people on respect rather than meeting more crims with more police. However, many humans don’t feel like sparing any thought for others and in all this crazy stuff, you are caught up in a big whirlpool of other persons’ shit that doesn’t even include you. But hey, you didn’t need to pay your rent nor eat for a while, now did you? While you’re paying that fine, just remember that politicians have to eat too!

Columns

“And if ya wanna find hell with me…I can show you what it’s like” - Danzig Well I’m back. Although this is probably going to be the last semester I do Boganology. While I could keep it going indefinitely, I think it better to quit while ahead…or at least not so far behind! Not many series last past the second season very well. There are notable exceptions, but I’m no Trey Parker, Matt Stone or Grant Naylor.

Queen – Greatest Hits Reviewed by C.J.

For those who’ve read this previously, thanks for putting up with me…to

Hello and welcome to a new semester. To start with a bang I’ve decided to review one of the greatest bands ever, the peerless Queen. Formed in 1970 by Freddie Mercury, Brian May, and Roger Taylor, and joined by John Deacon in 1971, Queen went on to become one of the biggest bands

everyone whose ever said “You’re Burton?” or “You write Boganology?” with a smile on your face, especially those who’ve bought me a drink or invited me to a party, a big \m/ to you and yours. To those who are new or joining us for the first time…

of the 70s and 80s. Their style of music ranged from rock, to pop, to newwave synth, to rockabilly, to classical opera. These guys have done it all, and this is part of the reason why they are one of the highest selling acts of all time. Which leads me to this week’s album, ‘Greatest Hits’ (one).

This is the column for Bogans and the Bogan curious. In a previous Nexus another columnist wrote how ‘not all Hamilton people are meatheads or Bogans…some of us are cultured’. I disagree with this for a number of reasons. But the main one, in order to reduce time and whinge factor, is that I think we’re all Bogans. There’s a little Bogan in all of us. You ever been annoyed at how certain things in your life hadn’t worked out how you wanted? Ever been annoyed that the system doesn’t work? Ever been so frustrated you wanted to yell? Congratulations, you’re human…and that was your inner-Bogan wanting to get out. So next time you feel like that, do it - more shit might change for the better if more people released the inner-Bogan. They are a little black shirt wearing guy or girl who is pissed off and wants the world to change. Listen.

Released in 1981 this album was a collection of the bands best work from their first ten years. And, without a doubt it is one of the best compilation albums ever. It opens with quite possibly the best song ever written, Bohemian Rhapsody. Such a masterpiece of song writing and musicianship, it has everything. Piano, guitar solos, operatic singing, random lyrics (‘scaramouche’ anyone?*), and some seriously kick ass rocking, this song is the ultimate musical journey.

Anyway, in a desperate ratings grab…I’m giving away a Metal Day Out T shirt (cheers to Steve & Pat) for those who missed out on 666. Be the first person to email me at boganology@yahoo.co.nz with the answer: Name one of the bands who played at 666 Metal Day Out. We’re hoping to be at Clubs Day with competitions, selling cheap 666 Tshirts and drinkin a few beers. I’ll have a coupla spare beers but feel free to BYO, hang out and hopefully listen to some Metal. If you wanna join the Metal Club, or drop me a line, feel free to give me an email. \m/

Speaking of kick ass songs, how about We Will Rock You, and its sporting companion We Are The Champions? See, you probably all know these two songs as well. You hear them at the rugby, cricket, soccer, basketball, American football, at pretty much any sporting event. This is testament to Queen’s truly global appeal. We Will Rock You was written as concert song to get the crowd involved, and the guys made the perfect song for this. And it has a totally killer guitar part. We Are The Champions, well, it needs no explanation. Some other gems are Fat Bottomed Girls (come on guys, you can’t deny it), Another One Bites The Dust, and the mental Seven Seas of Rhye. This is one of the greatest albums ever, from one of the best bands ever. 9.5/10 *Nexus’ random fact files: ‘Scaramouche’ (1921) is a romantic adventure novel by Rafael Sabatini that was later made into a play and a couple of films. The word is the name of a roguish buffoon character played by the aristocratic hero. Scaramouche is also a Punch and Judy character who got his head bashed off a lot, and consequently the term “scaramouche” has become associated with a class of puppets with extendable necks. How bout that? – Ed.

WWW.ILLDISPOSED.DK

Due to popular demand I’ve decided to change the format this semester. Now, all you have to do is answer the question, and then answer the ‘25 words or less’ part. The best answer received by midday Tuesday gets the prize. This weeks prize is two movie tickets courtesy of the lovely people at Radio Hauraki.

Question: What is/was Freddie Mercury’s real name?

And, (25 words or less), why should you win the prize. Easy.

Email answer to cjw37@waikato.ac.nz

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

Competition

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ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006 Activities

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Comix

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

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Food & Drink

Flat Feed Porridge THE cheapest breakfast outside of stealing your flatmate’s cornflakes, porridge provides a good warm start on these damn cold mornings when you have class at 9. It isn’t very hard to make, and there’s usually a recipe on the packet, but just in case you need prompting…

Ingredients 1 – 1 ¼ cups water (or milk, if you want it creamier) ½ cup oats Cook until thick and porridgey looking.

Bingo! And some people like a pinch of salt too.

Ways to serve You can’t go past the tradition brown sugar and milk – it’s pretty delicious. If you want a more healthy option, you can choose any additions you like, such as honey, nuts, raisins or stewed fruit.

Personal favourite – add some soaked linseeds and chopped apricots when cooking, and stir in a tablespoon of carob near the end. Serve with yoghurt and sunflower seeds.

Note – the quick cook porridge you get in little packets or pots can be great to have on hand when you’re studying away from home but near a microwave, or just want a quick warm snack.

The organic maple walnut ones from Bin Inn are particularly nice.

Restaurants

By Hazazel

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

Mexican Café (Auckland)

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Hamiltonians who love authentic Mexican food will all know of our only Mexican place, Panchos, as the place to avoid. It sucks, nuff said. So, in the hope of finding something better, Sam and I dropped into the Mexican Cafe (Victoria St, just down from SkyCity) the last time we were in

er of strawberry margarita (about four glasses worth) and a tostada, which was nice and crisp, with a large pile of topping. Then we moved on to fish tacos and a chicken flauta. The fish tacos consisted of corn tortilla filled with fish bites and coleslaw. Reasonably tasty, but not very Mexican.

Auckland. I had been told it was the best Mexican food around, so I had high expectations.

The flauta was nicer, but in my experience, and according to Google, a flauta should be a filled deep-fried corn tortilla. The Mexican Cafe’s offering was more like a chicken burrito, wrapped in a soft flour tortilla. The tostada and the tacos had very stingy helpings of refried beans - not enough for a bean fan like me. Unfortunately, an extra helping cost $2.

Walking in, it was pretty over-the-top, but lively and warm, with tons of interesting stuff on the wall and Spanish music playing in the background. It’s a pretty popular place, but they found us a little table on the balcony (enclosed and heated in winter) overlooking Victoria St. As soon as we sat down we were given complimentary corn chips and fresh salsa, which were topped up on request (Hey! They’ve already surpassed Panchos! Not difficult, really.)

We happened to be there during happy hour (5-7pm), which included some pretty decent food and drink specials. We started with a pitch-

I was hoping to see some menu offerings that varied from the standard Tex-Mex fare, but there was no sign of a casserole dish or a soup... not even any green salsa. At this stage, I was satisfied, but not really impressed. The desserts took my estimation up a notch. We had an espresso, the peach and pecan chimichanga, which was very good, and a scoop of avocado ice cream

FOOD IS OH SO GOOD TO EAT!

(just $2 for 1 scoop), which was surprisingly good, nutty and unusual.

The service throughout the evening was so-so, friendly enough when they got to us, but very difficult to summon at times. Our dinner cost just under $80 for the two of us, which (considering the drinks) was ok, though we shared an entree and dessert. Overall, the Mexican Cafe was not as good as I’d been led to expect, though they have a few attractive features (happy hour, live music/DJ some nights etc). Good for a social occasion and a reasonable feed. Just don’t expect an astounding gastronomic event. See their website (www.mexicancafe.co.nz) for more information.

Reviews

Books Screw It, Let’s Do It: Lessons in Life

Star Sullivan

Richard Branson

Maeve Binchy

RANDOM HOUSE

ALLEN & UNWIN

Reviewed by Michelle Coursey

Reviewed by Michelle Coursey

Richard Branson, founder of Virgin Music and Virgin Airlines, offers his advice to, well, anyone really. Following the success of his autobiography (Losing My Virginity), this book was specially written with a literacy level between 9-12 years, to help “emergent readers”. So, I can’t criticise its

The only truly positive thing to say about this book is that it is only 106 pages. It is a ‘Quick Read’ – a series of short books written by famous novelists. It certainly was quick – quick to annoy me, quick for me to realise it was wasting my time, quick to ruin any good impression I may have had

simplicity, but have to point out that it is definitely a quickie if you are an established reader.

Sir Richard talks about some of his life experiences – how he got started, taking risks, riding round in hot air balloons all the time, a brush with the law. He doesn’t say anything new or extraordinary – “Just Do It!”, “Stand On Your Own Feet”, and “Live the Moment” are some of the chapter headings, but his insights into how to actually do business are a little different from the mainstream.

If you have a niece/nephew or young neighbour who is an aspiring entrepreneur that has been coming up with business plans since the age of 5, then this would be a great start for them. Otherwise, stick to the grown-up versions of Branson’s advice.

READ IT IF…

of Maeve Binchy.

In the book’s defence, I think it is probably aimed at children. A girl between ten and fifteen might actually enjoy it. “Star Sullivan just wanted everyone to be happy – her father to stop gambling , her mother not to work so hard, her brother to stay out of trouble, her sister to stop worrying about every little thing she ate”. These sentiments are repeated close on twenty times throughout the book, and of course her father fixes his gambling problem, her mother gets to stop working so hard, her brother gets a real job, and her sister fattens up. Surprise, surprise.

Also, I was misled. The jacket hints that angelic Star turns into some kind of wayward tramp. No such luck. She just tells a couple of lies and strings a guy along for a while. Not exactly the fall from grace I was looking forward to after 50 pages of hearing about her good intentions and endearing manner.

You have a desire to imitate Richard Branson’s death-defying balloon stunts but aren’t quite sure how to go about it.

READ IT IF… You have to. Otherwise, don’t.

HAVE YOU READ…?

The Poisonwood Bible (1998) Barbara Kingsolver

in the wrong way; Leah, the studious child who adores her father; Adah, Leah’s paralysed twin, with her curious word games; and Ruth May, the youngest, who is the most open to the strangeness of the world around her. Through their eyes the reader sees the vast political problems facing the emerging nation, as well as the tiny day-to-day activities of the people living through it.

For the poignancy and scope of this novel alone, it is worth reading. It will keep you turning pages while impressing your senses – no easy feat.

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Following the lives of a missionary family dragged into the middle of the Congo by their fanatical father, this book leaves you feeling overwhelmed with the sights and sounds of Africa without ever having left its pages. Using the narratives of the four daughters and the wife whose lives are forever changed by leaving 1950s Georgia (USA) for a life-and-death jungle existence, the beauty of this novel is in the way that the author conveys depth of character and authenticity of place.

The book is gripping, and each character grows on you slowly but surely. There is Rachel, the eldest who constantly tries to use big words

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Citric

By M. Emery The Wrongmen hit Hamilton with their Cd release party at Upsett Records, 333 Victoria Street, Friday 14 July. Like all Upsett shows this one will cost you $5 entry and all ages welcome. Appreciate, Tentacles of Destruction and Gawj support. The Cd is being released by hardcore label Action Man records and is available in a range of stores around the country.

4 Second Fuse release their long gestating EP, We Foresee Confusion this month also with a release party at Sohl, Friday 21st July. After opening the Circle Jerk this year and multiple performances at the Fat Bellies Jam Sessions under their belt, 4 Second Fuse promise new and old sounds at their release show. Hollow Grinders and Amy Racecar support.

Auckland Hip Hop Group Frontline are touring throughout July and August on their lost in translation NZ tour. The tour will coincide with the release of their new single Lost in Translation. Frontline will be touring with special guests PNC, Louie Knuxx and DJ Dform. You can catch these young Hip Hoppers and their fresh jams when they spit their lyrical juice at Catalyst on 15th July.

Entries are now open for the World Battle of the Bands 2006. Think you have what it takes to follow in the footsteps of Chuganut? www.worldbattleofthebands.com for entry details.

A Low Hum will be back in August with a Ward Lane show and an All Ages show at Upsett Records on August 12th. Feature band this time around is the intense sonic driveforce, Jakob, who hail from the sunny Hawkes Bay. Jakob are also looking at releasing their new album, Solace sometime in August.

Amy Racecar recently lost their keyboardist Frankie who has departed Hamilton for the browner shores of Australia.

I saw local two-piece band Firecats play at the Pig Out show the other night.

They were fantastic, quite possibly the best Hamilton band I’ve seen in a long time. Catch them while you can before one of them becomes a communist.

An upcoming new release on Auckland’s 1157 Records is from the newest band on their roster Hardcore Merchants, Antagonist, with These Cities, Our Graves. Due out on August 7th the new 9-track album will be distributed through Shock Records. A bunch of shows will be held in Auckland and Hamilton in August with an All Ages show at Upsett Records, August 19th.

CD Review Pearl Jam Pearl Jam RCA

Reviewed by M. Emery The eighth studio album from grunge hit wonders Pearl Jam sees them regain some of their past glory and continue their efforts to be the band that will outwit and outlast them all. Making an album fifteen years into their career a self-titled one must mean something and it does, with this album having more hooks and consistency than some of their recent efforts. Stand out single Worldwide Suicide shows Eddie Vedder’s talent for rattling off rapid fire lyrics in a sure-fire melody and has been their most commercial release in a long time. The album as a whole plods familiar territory with ballsy rockers and brooding ballads. Sonically there are no drastic departures from Pearl Jam’s three guitar/bass/voice/ drums template and maybe that’s what’s lacking for some people, with no new developments sonically. The other side of that coin is a good song should be appreciated in any form. I’m sure all Pearl Jam fans will be sated by this latest release.

North Country Directed by: Niki Caro Starring: Charlize Theron, Frances McDormand, Sissy Spacek, Woody Harrellson, Sean Bean

Refused are Fucking Dead

Charlize Theron continues her mission of female empowerment she began in her man-eater role for Monster. This time she’s doing men’s work in a Minnesota mine with a handful of other women and being royally picked on for having that second X in the 23rd chromosome pair. It all leads to the US’s first-ever sexual harassment class-action, and this all really happened. Well, “inspired by true events”. Woody Harrelson wasn’t actually the lawyer. If it’s all true, I can tell you that Minnesota men love their poo. I mean, as an artistic medium, they just revel in the destruction of a woman’s spirit through the use of their ring jam. They spread it on walls to form crude words in the women’s locker room, they tip a portaloo over with a woman stuck inside… I mean, that’s not even sexual harassment. That’s just harassment.

Bear in mind that though Refused are Swedish, and though Sweden is a hotbed of fucked-up death metal bands where the leaders cannibalise each other*, the title of the DVD is not Refused are Fucking the Dead.

No, instead it is about the rise and fall of the band that brought us the track New Noise, which is that song they always played on m2.

I guess they only had 2 tracks with music videos, both of which are found here: the other video Rather be Dead has a snail theme that is really cool. The 4 band members are all skinny white guys with names like Lyxzen and Brannstrom, and the movie portion of the DVD is made up of monologues by them describing their feelings at the various stages of the band’s 7-year existence. They don’t make touring seem very glamorous.

This is probably best enjoyed by a group of women watching it together who can then go back to their respective oppressive masters and give them some lip. It’s a chick flick really, with dreamy eye-candy in the form of Sean Bean (or Boromir, son of Denethor) and all the messages for women to stick together and fight back. I felt guilty throughout; it, like the time I had to read Empire of the Sun for 3rd form English. Still, it is a very worthwhile movie, and since I hear Aeon Flux, er, sucks, if you’re going to watch one Chalize Theron movie this quarter, make it North Country.

Don’t know if it’s retrospective bitterness but they seem to have hated the band and each other a lot of the time. Their last show in a dingy little basement was broken up by the police mid-song. The whole documentary, though interesting, is disheartening for any up-andcoming band. Because these guys were energetic, and had a vision, and at least one killer single to represent them, and they crashed and burned all the same. That’s why, though I’m useless around a campfire, I always felt better off appreciating music over making it. * The only instance of this I can think of is the Norway black metal band called ‘Mayhem’ and even then I’m pretty sure it’s only a rumour –Matt

Reviews

Films Take the Lead Village Cinema

Reviewed by Joe Citizen Featuring the sexy Antonio Banderas, this bad kids make good movie is not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Similar to the classic Strictly Ballroom, it makes a meal out of class war between the haves and the have-nots. Its major difference is that this dance flick goes where others have not – it’s a mix between hip hop and

a good hard dose of self respect gained through dance lessons pimped out under the guise of winning a $5000 dance comp. Too good to be true? Almost, but this movie actually manages it without making the viewer feel they’re watching every sports movie ever made.

ballroom dance, a combo that it rather incredibly pulls off despite a few sticky cuts at the start.

Now before anyone starts screaming ‘chick flick’ and runs off muttering about dance films, this movie shows how sexy ballroom dancing is to the uninitiated. Tango for instance comes from French sailors dancing in brothels at the end of a long cruise around the world without women.

You can imagine all the pent up frustration that manifests itself into the dance. That it’s now become part of the repertoire of ballroom is one of those idiosyncrasies of history. Whilst this has nothing to do with this film, it shows some of the misconceptions that people have about ballroom

It starts off with the bad kids from the inner city of Noo Yoick who all have tough lives none of which are over dramatised nor glorified. One of them is about to turn to the dark side when he is spotted by our sexy Latin star who runs a dance studio for the rich. He really wants to help so he offers his services to the principle of the local school who suckers him with the detention class. Not quite overnight he gives them what they really need,

dancing. This is a point that the sexy Pierre our Latin dance teacher makes to the hip hop dance crazy yoof, all of whom just wanna get it on with each other or alternatively kill each other.

Back to the movie, well-shot work escapes the proscenium arch without resorting to steadicam.

It’s well lit and with an unusual sound track it certainly kept me and the rest of the mainstream audience interested. One of the better films on at the moment if you want to escape the stupid school holiday offerings.

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

Rialto Check

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Welcome back to you one and all! Hope you all had either a lovely relaxing break if that’s what you like or an extremely adventurous one if that’s more to your taste. Good luck for your new classes!

Coffees including the new Nescafe Noir, four black Nescafe Mugs, plus two complimentary tickets to use before the end of the Nescafe Noir Winter Film Season, and all you have to do is answer a simple question! Easy peasy.

Firstly, I would just like to remind you all about Rialto’s Film Club. Sign up on our website www.rialto.co.nz and you could find watching free movies a common occurrence. Not only that, but regularly you will receive lovely little newsletters in your email inbox giving you all the Rialto movie goss. Also, if you visit our website right now then please enter our current competition - a great comp for coffee lovers.

The Nescafe Premium Coffee Lovers prize pack, contains a selection of Nescafe Premium

Alright, on to the movie talk. This Thursday the 13th sees the opening of What the Bleep?!

Down the Rabbit Hole. This film is the extended Director’s Cut of the original international hit ‘What the Bleep do we know?’ and it includes new scientific findings that supplement the first movie, and goes more deeply into the concepts explored. The original storyline, which follows the journey of professional photographer Amanda (played by Academy Award winning actress Marlee Matlin) as she comes to understand

the sources of her depression, is slimmed down to make room for more in-depth interviews with sixteen of the world’s top physicists, engineers, physicians, biologists, researchers, journalists and mystics, who talk about consciousness, psi research, physics, biology, emotion and addictions.

Quirky animation highlights much of the film – featuring Dr Quantum who was briefly mentioned in the first film, introducing highly complex scientific concepts in a simple, understandable way. Done with humour, precision, and irreverence. This film is for all those of you who constantly ask the question “But what do we really know?”

Reviews

Artshole Out-Land-Ish: A Survey. A Retrospeculation Reviewed by J. Boyd Artists are impossibly implicated in their creations. Some wallow in it. Some roll around in it like it was two suitcases full of American hundred dollar bills.

R.G Shaw accepts and flouts it in turns. He makes a bigger picture of all the little pictures. It’s a fourteen year obsession framed and arranged on the walls of Gallery East.

Gallery East, at 359 Grey Street, ran Shaw’s exhibition until June 10. It opened the 25th of May to a reception that spilled wine and people out and onto the Hamilton East pavement. R.G Shaw has been busy plaiting and teasing the Hamilton fringe for a very long time. His body of work here, entitled ‘OutLand-Ish: A Survey. A Retrospeculation’, is laid out and can bear witness to the time the Hamilton scene has given him, and taken from him. Contrary to shallow, colourful anthropological snapshots the Waikato Times captures of this segment of city culture, Shaw’s work reflects a commitment to the local scene, and to New Zealand ‘outsider’ art generally.

Shaw uses sculpture, found objects, and collage, but is primarily a painter.

The pieces range in size and span more than a decade, but wander over familiar territory. The theme of land and ownership dominate Shaw’s exhibition. There is a contestation of, and protest on the landscape. Hands lay their claim over coastal scenes and, in one of the larger pieces; a naked female body is divided by man, machine, and cartographic reference. Text creeps onto many of the canvases and, while it explicates the political and rouses the viewer, it’s often a threatening presence.

Language always adds a layer and contributes to the fecund ambiguity of his work. Each piece is almost obscenely ripe. Perhaps it is this discomfort that encapsulates Shaw’s work most precisely. Most of his paintings are rich and restless; unsettling and multiplicitous. Shaw himself parries, dodges, ducks, and covers; he paints and speaks of the histories of our land: this land New Zealand, and the latent, shifting landscape, or psychomachia, within us. He earnestly believes in individuality. He is not smiling down the barrel of a paint brush, there is no smug irony. For me, it is most refreshing that the answer is emphatically not that there are no answers, just that there are many answers — which is not nearly so bad.

His work squirms free of fixed meaning. At its worst, it depicts a realm of eternal procrastination. Like the Cubism of the early Twentieth Century, Shaw’s object submits itself to deconstruction so that he might show the process of comprehension, and that we may revel in the final realisation of the whole.

Yet, Shaw’s object is almost always intangible. This is not to say that it is ephemeral, rather it is heady; “illegitimate perhaps not immaterial” reads one of his blurbs. It can be frustrating to stand back and see: the obvious gravitas of his theme and the corresponding lack of a clear message to accompany it.

In response to articulate and poignant questions, he posits myriad answers.

He really requires that you work at his work. It is an impossible adornment because it demands more. Landscapes, so often meant for passive survey, are subverted. He wants scrutiny not survey, but there is always a graceful apologetic to this egotism. It is almost always endearing. This exhibition was well worth checking out; it’s work and pleasure at once.

ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

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ISSUE 13 / 10 JULY 2006

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