issue 13 2011

JULY 11TH 2011

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STUDENT CULTURE

MIDNIGHT YOUTH

Kate Cogswell catches up with the Midnight Youth ahead of their performance at Edgetravaganza

PAPER REVIEWS

We inspect the most enjoyable papers available at Waikato

DISORIENTATION

Details of Disorientation Week events inside!

NEW COLUMNS

Including the return of The Horned One in Boganology 101

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2

4

EDITORIAL

5

ORIENTATION CHECKLIST

7-8

LETTUCE

10

SHORT NEWS

13

SPORTS THOUGHTS

14-17 18

WSU PAGES PUZZLES

19-23

ENTERTAINMENT

24-27

FEATURES

29-37

COLUMNS AND REVIEWS

38

4

15

GIG GUIDE

21

35

WEL ACADEMY OF PERFORMING ARTS EVERY SUNDAY 10AM, 4:30PM AND 6:30PM

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EDITORIAL

WITH ART ROBINSON

No one really knows for certain what student culture is. All I know is that for some people student culture is all about drinking. I’m not saying its right. I’m definitely not saying it’s wrong. It just is.

JULY 11TH 2011

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STUDENT CULTURE Credits: EDITOR: Art Robinson (editor@nexusmag.co.nz)

It should come as no surprise to you that some people think students should not drink so much. These people send regular letters of complaint about alcohol advertising we run and about some of the “booze culture” material we print.

The University of Otago, often seen as the Party University, aren’t allowed any alcohol advertising on their campus anymore. Classic University of Waikato events such as the “Trolley Derby” and “Couches and Beers on the Green” are no more, most likely in response to growing complaints from busy-bodies and worry-warts across the city.*

DESIGN: David Nixon (design@nexusmag.co.nz) ADVERTISING: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) NEWS EDITOR: James Manning (news@nexusmag.co.nz)

Back in their day, a mythical period of New Zealand history where everyone was white and spoke the Queen’s English, students didn’t drink. All they did was study. If they

GAMES EDITORS: Sash Nixon (games@nexusmag.co.nz)

were women, they went to university, found a man, and then dropped out to have his babies after a proper Protestant wedding. Drinking culture did not exist and we’re the scum of the earth for drinking to excess in our late teens.

Contributors

Cry me a river, you miserable old fucks.

FILM EDITOR: Richard Swainson (films@nexusmag.co.nz) BOOKS EDITOR: Kevin Pryor (books@nexusmag.co.nz)

Dirty Old Blair Munro, Shannon Rolfe, Loud American Mackenzie McCarty, Judy’s Sweet Legs, Dr Richard

Perhaps they have some points about student culture back in “their” day.

Swainson, Owen “Beef” Hinton”, Honest Matt, Kylie Zinsli, Jess Edmonds-Saunders, Danielle Wall, Mrs. Matthews, Jade Carey, Josh Cooper, Daniel Farrell, Sam & Zane, Esther Coker, Lauren KB, Mandy Suess-Ryan, Rawinia

My granddad was never a drinker. He was too busy dropping bombs on German factories for a pint. My dad wasn’t a drinker. He was too busy being the youngest of eight children living on a widow’s benefit in a ghost town.

Judson, Caitlin Hayns, Aaron.Letcher, Kate Cogswell, Monique Hamilton, and Campbell “Ultimate Warrior” Weal.

I am a drinker.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa

Why? Did my granddad fight Nazis for the right for me to get messed up on the reg?

I doubt it. That man was straight edge to the point where he didn’t even play cards or frequent cinemas. Did my dad wade against the tide, from the slums of Taumarunui to university in Wellington, so I could drink Double Brown in the sun? I know he didn’t.

He too has never been a drinker, not even at my wedding, not at his fiftieth and not even when he’s watching rugby.

Student Press Association (ASPA).

Or at least, we think we are.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. WE THINK THAT THESE LITTLE JOKES AREN’T READ BY ANYONE BUT US. AND THAT PERVY GUY IN MY BIO LAB.

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL ads@nexusmag.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT: Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One,

I’m a student who enjoys drinking, not because any social currents have forced me to, but because I enjoy it. I enjoy the shit out of a beer in my backyard on a warm weekend morning. Even more than this, I enjoy the shit out of finding out where I can get cheap beer from.

It’s fair enough for them to complain. There’s a lot wrong with the world and the only way it gets fixed is if we complain about it. India got its independence from Great Britain when Mohandas Ghandi (and a few million of his mates) complained about it! Winston Churchill complained about Adolf Hitler, complained him in the face!

Aotearoa complained about mining in our national parks and that ship got sunk in a hurry.

University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: editor@nexusmag.co.nz

But is the world so problem free that people go out of their way to pick up Nexus, a magazine BY students FOR students, just to look for objectionable advertising from our mates at the Outback and Bar 101? I certainly don’t think so.

POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

*I’m lead to believe that some of this is coming back, what with the new events coordinator up at the union.

David Bennett MP M P f o r h a Mi l t o n eas t

Phone: 07 834 3407 Email: davidbennett@xtra.co.nz www.davidbennett.co.nz

Nexus May 2011.pdf

www.national.org.nz

M

CM

* Soundscape student tickets are $15 reception * Every Day: Come Play with LJ * Every Day: The Art of Shaving * Every Day: ASB BBQ * Every Day Bar 101 BBQ except Friday Mainfreight BBQ * Friday: The University Jam - bring your instruments!

MY

CY

CMY

K

11:28:06 AM

Brookfield Accommodation 45 Dey St, Hillcrest, Hamilton

C

Y

17/5/11

B RO O K F I E L D Accommodation

p 07 856 9700 f 07 856 9700 e info@brookfieldaccom.co.nz

Are you getting cold in your flat?

Is it too expensive or do you just need a change?

Sign up for a B-Semester accommodation plan and receive 10GB Free upon checking-in! *Terms and Conditions: Rooms are subject to availability. Accommodation requirements must be met before approval and all applicants must quote ‘Nexus’ when applying.

w w w. b r o o k f i e l d a c c o m m o d a t i o n . c o. n z Evening events at the Village Green are strictly limited to 600 people.

Tickets are free to the first 600 who pick them up on the day (you can only get tickets to each event on the day).

To attend, you must be a student, you must have student and proof of age ID to get your ticket and you need to take proof of age to the gig also. Drinks will be sold in the evening so no BYO at events. Intoxicated persons won’t be allowed in the venue or on the bus.

Also buses will be running to the CBD from 9pm to 4.30am, dropping you in town and bringing you home safely.

B SEMESTER STUDENT OFFER

JULY SPECIAL

195

6 MONTH MEMBERSHIP

$

Please remember that there is a city-wide liquor ban in public places after 10pm.

(Student ID required)

Includes: 1 x Exercise Consultation Rev & Pool upgrades available Offer expires 31 July 2011

.co.nz 5

I’ve lost the lot!

UW SPORT Clubs Day

Wednesday 13 July 2011 B SEMESTER

CLUBS DAY

Jonathan had just completed a major assignment for a Masters paper when his computer crashed. The assignment is due in 3 days. What can he do?

» 10am – 2pm » WSU Village Green

He can talk to his tutor and see if he can get an extension but this is not automatically granted even with the best of excuses.

So he may have to have some sleepless days and nights as he recreates his assignment, and he should buy a memory stick and back up his work every night.

Find out about sports and cultural clubs, meet some of the people involved and get participating.

See you there!

The Hamilton Area Citizens Advice Bureau provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria St (MonFri 9am-5pm), 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am-4.30pm), Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm) and the Cowshed at the University (Tues-Thurs 1-3pm). They also have legal, advocacy and consumer services available where you can get more specialised help.

Managed by

Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB) or look at the CAB website www.cab.org.nz

Freephone 0800 WAIKATO or visit www.uwsport.org.nz

Student Special $ .90

7

*

PICK-UP ONLY

On Value or Traditional Range Pizzas * Valid Student ID Card must be presented.

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Lettuce Write to Win!

not paid enough to be up-front with students outside teaching hours?

University Staff Pt. 1 Dear Nexus, I’ve been on campus for a while now, and for the most part, I don’t have a problem with it.

There’s never really been anything that’s made me particularly riled up. Sure, reading the occasionally Nexus letter causes me to twitch like a meth addict, but I am yet to actually cut someone’s hand off.

SEND LETTERS TO: Send your letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

Of course now, things are a little different. I get a message from a member of the university staff, asking me to see them, and if it weren’t

WEEKLY PRIZE:

for the person typing this message, and the underlying tone, it might seem perfectly innocuous. However, I know very differently.

This week there is a prize! Brett from UniMart is kindly offering a $20 voucher to the writter of our letter of the week. Come to the Nexus office in the Student Union Building to collect your prize!

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Word count is limited to 250 words and we will enforce this as we please.

We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be). Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

If Clint Eastwood were to approach you in the street, and tell you that the .44 Magnum is the most powerful handgun in the world, he might be offering you some genuine factoids. Next he might tell you that a single man voiced both Optimus Prime, and Eeyore. Or perhaps that the basset hound is widely regarded as the third stupidest breed of dog.

But in your heart of hearts, you know that this is not the case, because he’s Dirty fucking Harry Callahan, and he wants to fucking shoot you!

Now, ever the diplomat, I kindly inquire as to the nature of the proposed meeting, to perhaps assuage my nervousness. Of course, ever the gate-keepers of knowledge, the staff member opted for the most awkward possible response: “yes, the papers you’re taking”.

See, this is the purpose of this letter. I now have a serious problem with the university. For a learning environment, I’m sure not being given much of an opportunity to learn much besides how to deal with this bubblegum bureaucracy bullshit. Is it too much to ask to be treated with a bit of respect in these matters? Are lecturers

It’s not good enough, to be frank, and I am plenty pissed off. I’d love to know that I’m not the only one in this situation. I’d love to know that I’m not just unlucky, and that lecturers everywhere are sitting smugly while they watch us sweat. You’re not guardians of information, for fuck’s sake!

Sincerely, Not A Fan Of University Anymore Come pick up your $20 UniMart voucher at the Nexus office in the WSU Building.

University Staff Pt. 2 Dear Teacherface I hope you enjoyed your break, that the flight to Brisbane was fantastic and that you really feel refreshed.

Actually, that a lie. I couldn’t care less. The same way you couldn’t care less that we needed our marks to confirm papers for B semester.

It was hard enough to sit through your monotone all semester, lecture after lecture, with no power points because you can’t use a computer properly, and deal with your tangents.

But just to top it off, you decide to go on holiday pretty much immediately after exams, for the whole of semester breaks, without uploading even provisional grades. This might not be a big deal for you, but for those of us who needed the grades to select papers, it’s been nothing but frustrating.

You might be entitled to a holiday, no denying that, but rumour has it that you will be retiring this year, could it have not waited?

Unfair? Maybe. But ranting makes it feel a little better.

Frustrated 2nd Year

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A

$20 VOUCHER FROM UNIMART

CONVENIENCE STORE HERE ON CAMPUS

FOOD, DRINKS, SNACKS AND DAILY ESSENTIALS ALL IN ONE FRIENDLY LOCATION

Sidewalks: For Walking

Moar Love Letters!

Dear Greensboro Residents For the past few months I have put up with you and your stupid parties. Look at you, in your apartment blocks, on your balconies. It’s like you’re in sex in the city, only the entire cast has been replaced by retards. You’re living in a shoebox, not New York city you brainless fucks.

Dear Nexus It has been so long; I’ve waited weeks and weeks for you to return to me. I have missed you ever so much and I am looking forward to being reunited with you on Monday when uni gets back. It’s been a struggling few weeks without your guidance, your lols and your entertainment to save me from the dreaded boredom. Anyway Nexus, I just wanted to say that I heart you and I am glad that you have returned to me. I am expecting great things from you this semester but I am assured you will live up to such.

You have never let me down before. You are amazing; keep turning up each week and our relationship will flourish.

But now you’ve gone too far! You’ve started parking on the sidewalks. It’s bad enough I have to wade through ankle high rubbish at the start of every week just to get to uni, and then smell the leftovers for the rest of the week. Now I can barely even use the sidewalk. There’s cars coming out of the driveways, cars parked two deep on the sidewalk and the grass strip, cars on cars and it’s fucking ridiculous.

Seriously, sort your shit out or it’s gunna get violent.

Signed The Punisher

Bernard Maisel: Troll Warrior?

Dear Nexus Where is Bernard Maisel? Did someone finally beat him up? I’m not saying they should have, just that it could have happened. I have missed his letters this year. He should write in again.

His opinions were hilarious and clearly trolls.

Not a Troll

Hopefully Not The Last Lettuce From Lucy Dear Nexus I love you. Please keep doing what you’re doing.

I will miss you when I’m gone.

Love, Lucy

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Now until forever, much loves. randomnamesonoonesuspectsi’minlovewitha magazine

Voltron: A Good Union Dear Nexus I’ve seen a few notices around the campus, and in the magazine, talking about empty seats on the Board of Directors. It occurs to me that these seats have been empty for a while, and I think I’ve figured out why.

See, for once, people have realised that they’re not suited to positions of power (miniscule as it may be), so they’re not wanting to fuck it up by running, winning, and then being useless sacks of shit who exacerbate the situation currently experienced by students.

Let’s be honest, most of the Directors for the WSU shouldn’t be. It’s plain as the nose on your face, that they’re not really doing much. There are better people for the job who aren’t running because they have better things to do. There are worse people for the job who aren’t running because they appreciate the status quo. So we’re stuck with the people who are doing the bare minimum, of which only two seem to have been smart enough to jump ship before the shit really hits the fan.

The services that the WSU provide are okay. But the people who provide the services can take a big old sniff of chloroform. At least they’ll then have an excuse to be asleep on the job.

I for one will be welcoming VSM, and think that it can’t get passed quickly enough.

Love, The Only Good Union Was Voltron.

Lucy Made It Dear Nexus You should like, totally come see our cool play.

It features ex-, current and future Waikato students and the director works here also. It is called “Pack of Girls” and we perform at the Gaslight Theatre in Cambridge. Tickets are available from Wrights Booksellers, phone 827 4360.

Because none of us are sick of the Rugby World Cup yet, it’s about rugby! Rugby widow Pam Hooper has a point to prove – girls can play rugby just as well as the men! To prove it, Pam forms a rag-tag 7-a-side team to compete in the local town competition, and arranges a warm-up game with the local veterans, coached by her husband, Tom. Tempers fly, as do insults and even fists, as the action gets heated in this fast-moving comedy from New Zealand author, David Geary.

By the time you publish my lovely letter, we will have already performed one show, but not to worry! We run until July 23rd. Tickets range from a $15 matinee through to $45 dinner-and-show (the food is delicious, by the way). It’s totally hilarious (largely because we did not know how to play rugby before this) and we even play a full seven-a-side game in Act Two. Always yours ;) Lucy PS: Performances are on all nights of the week (except Mondays, I don’t like Mondays), so there’s no excuse!

2011 Tertiary Challenge Friday 19 August 2011 Six Sports 12 Tertiary Institutions ONE WINNER REGISTER TODAY! Sign up for one of six sports in either a social or competitive team. All teams are mixed gender.

Touch >> Netball >> Ultimate Frisbee Volleyball >> Soccer >> Basketball

Sign up at WSU today Registration costs $20 www.uowsport.org.nz/tc

Freephone 0800 WAIKATO or visit www.uwsport.org.nz/tc

Mrs Higgins

Oven Fresh Cookies

...just the Yummiest

COOKIES in town • American style soft chewy centres

• Baked fresh on our premises

• Over 16 flavours daily to choose from

FREE COOKIE OFFER

Yes! Purchase 3 Cookies and get 1 extra Cookie FREE! Ma Higgins Café Foodcourt, Downtown Plaza, Ward Street Conditions: One Free Cookie Offer per Coupon. Expires 30/9/11

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SHORT NEWS

FOR TALL PEOPLE Wartime Popes Causes Miracles:

Dairy Dak Gets Thumbs Down:

Pope Pius XII, who died in 1958, has been attributed with providing a miracle for a cancer sufferer.

Dairy dak, sold under such ambiguous names as Purple Haze and Chronic, is on the fast track to being banned, after some strands were found to include Russian anti-psychotics.

Maria Esposito, who had suffered from lymphoma, was cured after praying to Pope Pius XII, who had appeared in a dream to her husband.

Several prayers directed at the naked ladies in her husband’s dreams had previously gone unanswered.

nexusmag.co.nz

Some critics are suggesting that Pope Pius XII, who held the papacy during the Second World War, actually dead and decomposing in a crypt beneath the Vatican and thus did not play a part in the miracle.

Veiled Racism?

The refusal of several Auckland bus drivers to pick up Muslim women wearing veils has earned the ire of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.

stores.

Phenazepam is not legal in New Zealand.

In other news: old people are getting angry about young people exploring legal highs.

Police Do Not Like Rap or Sex Tiki Taane, who will be blowing all your minds at Soundscape this week, will fight a charge of disorderly behaviour.

Calling their condition Maskophobia, the drivers claim

Taane, who was charged following an incident in Tauranga

that they did not pick up the women as they are afraid of people wearing masks.

in April, claims he was exercising his freedom of speech.

Saudia Arabia, through its consulate in New Zealand, have complained to our government.

The kingdom, long respected for its liberal attitudes to women and driving, will fail to see the irony in this sentence.

In other news: being the victim of gang rape in Saudi Arabia can lead to you being sentenced to 200 lashes and 6 months in jail.

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Phenazepam, used by mental health professionals in Russia, was discovered in the dairy dak strain Pineapple Express, leading to its immediate recall from all

When police entered Illuminate bar in the early hours of April the 10th, Taane began singing the rap song “F*ck the Police”, which is the second track on 1987’s Straight Outta Compton by NWA .

Police, instead of taking advantage of the lyrics and having sex with as many bar goers as possible, instead arrested the artist.

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www.zmonline.com 12

SPORTS THOUGHTS

ONCE WERE WARRIORS, WITHOUT JAKE THE MUSS

WITH C.BALL

If the Warriors were a Rugby Union team, I’d have stopped watching long ago. The 2011 National Rugby League is a pretty evenly contested competition bar anomalies like the Dragons and Storm, but I swear the Warriors are trying to piss me off this year. They started off averagely, then polished off five wins on the trot, only to blow their place in the top 8 and lose the next handful of games. Now I wake up in cold sweats every night thinking I’m Lance Hohaia, wondering how the fuck you are meant to catch a ball. Here’s a tip; with your hands. And I’ve got plenty more tips on how the Warriors can stop their slide down the side of the toilet bowl, starting... now.

Very simply put, the Warriors firstly need Jake the Muss, or someone like him. Ukuma Ta’ai is the obvious choice, mainly because he’s huge, so first thing the Warriors should do is make him captain and assign him the position of Chief Fight Starter. There was more reasoning as to why Ukuma should be picked but let’s face it, it’ll get censored out and this paragraph will make less sense than an autistic kid’s painting.

Unfortunately Ukuma is injured currently, so this may answer partly why the Warriors have crashed and burned all of a sudden. But there is more, so much more.

I don’t know how many times I’ve yelled it at the television screen over the last few weeks, but if I were coach of the Warriors I’d tell Mannering and Hohaia to “roll out auh” and put some players in their positions that can actually do shit other than let everyone down. I’m not saying they aren’t good players; they just aren’t at the moment. If Hohaia had the machine out of The Prestige and decided it’d be cool to be a massive douche bag like Hugh Jackman and use it, and the exact replica of him created somehow turned out to be the Lance Hohaia of 2010, the 2010 Hohaia would smash 2011’s nuts all around the park. Yeah, I get that if it was the 2010 Hohaia it would be nothing like The Prestige’s machine

but fuck it. Hohaia has suddenly forgotten how to catch, and it usually helps on a kick return if you RUN LIKE FUCK instead of jogging the ball back and making a measly ten metres. Hohaia shouldn’t even be in the starting line up. Have you seen Kevin Locke play? The man’s got pace to burn, footwork, doesn’t look like Frodo Baggins and is looking more and more like a future five eighth every day with his positional play, support and passing. And guess what, only one of the greatest players ever started at full back and then headed to five eighth – Darren Lockyer. The resemblance is so unbelievable I’d include Locke just for that reason.

And if Mannering thought he was going to escape the spotlight, he was wrong. Sorry, but when your most important characteristics on the field are being consistent, having no frills and providing solid defence, it isn’t impressive when you start leaking tackles and letting the team down. It hasn’t been just one game - Mannering has done it over and over recently, and he’s the captain too. That’s why Ukuma should replace him, because he’s awesome. There isn’t a better reason than that.

But Mannering’s form, like Hohaia’s, has fallen by the wayside. The Warriors game against the Tigers nearly got Sky Sport in trouble for broadcasting porn, because as far as I’m concerned getting bent over that badly can’t be classed as sport. Everyone bitched about Shaun Johnson missing heaps of tackles, but Mannering was on his side of the field in an effort to help strengthen things up. Instead, Mannering did really cool things like slip over, get fended, fall off tackles and lose any of my respect.

So, get the healing machine out of Starship Troopers and fix my boy Jerome Ropati to take Mannering’s place. Swap Hohaia for Locke, and definitely keep putting Shaun Johnson at 7, and I predict the Warriors would start playing a lot better. And as for Ivan Cleary leaving, sweet, get Bluey MacClennan in their coaching. Sounds good to me.

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VP SPEAK Make the most of B Semester!

Kia ora everyone and welcome (back) for another semester!

By the time you read this, all of the WSU’s planning should have paid off and students everywhere should be enjoying Disorientation Week: WSU’s solution to getting over the blues of coming back to uni!

Make sure you make it down to the Village Green at least once during the week to see what is going on: Clubs Day in particular (Wednesday) looks like it will be a blast, with all the WSU-affiliated clubs showing off their different talents and activities to entice you all to join.

Don’t forget our night events too: if you’re wondering what you’re going to do between finishing uni for the day and going into the CBD, then come back to the Village Green to make the most of the local bands, local

WITH CHARLIE

entertainment and exciting activities we’ve got planned – just for you. And of course, if you need a ride into town, the WSU No Fuss Free Bus will be there to take you – we’ll be providing a free ride from the uni bus stop into town (and back) from about 10pm through to 4am. Finally, if you haven’t bought your Soundscape tickets yet, come up to the WSU office asap and get yours before they all sell out! Saturday night looks like it will be awesome, so don’t miss out!

But don’t just let the fun end with Disorientation; instead, make the most of your time at uni! Get involved with the various clubs on campus and make some great friendships with people who share the same interests with you – whether you’re keen on soccer, communication and public relations, or biology, there’s a good chance there’s a club out there for you! And if there’s not, then create one today: email clubs@wsu.org.nz for details.

Charlie Gillard Vice-President Waikato Students’ Union 027 4670276 vp@wsu.org.nz

As always, I’d love to hear from you as to what you thought of Disorientation (even if you have some thoughts on the name!?), so email me at vp@wsu.org.nz and have your say: I’m always happy to chat. Enjoy the week and all the best for B Semester!

APPLY FOR THE WSU SOLE PARENT/CAREGIVER AWARD!

If you’re a sole parent / caregiver studying at the University of Waikato, make sure that you get your application in for the WSU Sole Parent / Caregiver Award, which closes this Friday 15 July at 5pm.

The Waikato Students’ Union sole parent/

caregiver award has been created to encourage and commend the contributions and achievements of adult learners who are also sole parents or caregivers. In this case you should apply for this scholarship if you are the sole parent or caregiver of a child and have completed at least one year of study at the University of Waikato already. Students and staff members can also nominate a candidate for this award.

This award aims to recognise the hard work and dedication that goes into studying while being the sole caregiver or parent. The successful applicant is awarded $1000 from the WSU Scholarships Budget.

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To apply, you must be a sole primary caregiver, who is currently enrolled at the University of Waikato as either a full-time or part-time student. You must be enrolled in this year’s B Semester and must have completed at least one year of study at the University of Waikato. The selection panel

will take into consideration the applicants financial situation, academic merit and their community contribution, so make sure you sell all of your successes in your application – and how you have overcome any difficulties you have faced as a sole parent or caregiver.

The application itself isn’t too strenuous, and requires you to simply fill in the application form, write a one-page letter commenting on your role as a caregiver, your financial situation, and your community and/or university involvement. You also need to include two statements of support (one academic, and one character), so make sure you find people who can write these for you!

If you’re keen to apply, check out the regulations and download the application form from www.waikato.ac.nz/scholarships, and make sure you apply before this Friday!

Good luck!

CLUB CORNER: Welcome back to Club Corner. In this section of the WSU pages, we give you an overview of one of the WSU-affiliated clubs on campus, telling you all about what the club does, why you should be involved, and how to make contact with them. If you’re keen to have your club feature here, then email Charlie at vp@wsu.org.nz to find out what’s involved. This week, we’d like to introduce one of the newer (but incredibly successful) clubs on campus... DebSoc.

DEBSOC

PICTURE LOG DebSoc

This rather odd-sounding word has been popping up in the randomest of places for the past year: chalked on the S Block Steps, printed on the Law Block walls, rolling off the tongues of highly caffeinated curly-fry addicts at Momento. It may have even crept onto your facebook radar once or twice.

University to take on Auckland and Victoria

For those of you not yet in the know, Debsoc are one of the newer kids on the WSU block and they’ve been up to some pretty cool stuff for a while now. For one thing, they are the University’s Debating Society, so it’s a given that they love to spar on a whole host of political and social issues (quite publicly and without shame, even!).

They even competed at this year’s Supercity UniGames as part of the Waikato Squad.

Impromptu debating at its best, there were seven rounds where teams of two were given only five minutes to prepare for each debate!

You may have seen the public debates they have put on during the year. If not, they are definitely worth checking out, having won (among other things) the Award for ‘Club of the Year’ in the WSU Club Awards last year.

Universities at the annual Mcleod ‘Thropy’ (yup, that’s how it’s spelt) North Island Novice Debating Champs where they successfully debated topics ranging from sadomasochism to copyright violation to constitutionalism!

Proving that drinking and debauchery do go hand-in-hand with debating, Debsoc kicked off this year with an awesome packed-out ‘do.

They continued their long-standing weekly post-debating-Tuesday-night-drinks tradition into Semester A and then wrapped up the Semester with a very full house at LOLFEST –Debsoc’s own outrageously hilarious comedy night!

DebSoc has built upon success after success.

In Semester A they debated the virtues of Tiger Mothers and also whether the death penalty had a place in modern society.

They even got in on the Faitrade Fortnight festivities with the Greens on Campus by holding a public debate on the merits of fair trade. They’ve got some fantastic public debates lined up for Semester B, so keep an eye out!

They also clock up a lot of miles by travelling around the country and competing with other Universities at various debating tournaments.

Last year they covered Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch multiple times. Earlier this year, they roadtripped down to Massey

Debsoc are pretty amped for Semester B! They are always keen to meet new people –so whether you’re outspoken and highly opinionated, totally devoid of opinions and looking to try out something new, or just somewhere in between – they’d love to hear from you. Make sure to check them out at their Clubs’ Day stall (this Wednesday on the Village Green) and find out about the exciting tournaments and social events they have lined up for you this Semester!

Can’t wait til Clubs’ Day?! Email them at debatingatwaikato@gmail.com!

Photos provided by Heather Meyrick and Alliv Samson

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WHERE DO I GO IF… Most of you will probably remember that in Nexus last semester, we used these pages to highlight the major services that WSU offers students for free. This semester, however, we’ve decided to go a bit broader and look at what other services are available either on campus or in the area to help you as a student. To start off, here’s a quick overview of what’s available (and what we’ll cover in the following weeks), including a summary of the WSU services that so many of you know and love!

I WANT TO MAKE SOME FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE WHO SHARE MY INTERESTS? • Make the most of your time at university by joining a WSU Club! Make sure you’re down on the Village Green on Wednesday July 13 for Clubs Day, which showcases all of the WSU-affiliated clubs on campus. Check out the WSU website www.wsu.org.nz for a list of all the WSU clubs you can join, or start your own if necessary by emailing clubs@wsu.org.nz.

• If writing is your thing, look no further than Nexus: email nexus@waikato.ac.nz and volunteer for your student mag today!

I WANT TO FIND A JOB OR GET SOME CAREER ADVICE? • Go and see Student Job Search: your student-owned job agency, which focuses on sourcing jobs for students to apply for – for free! Check out www.sjs.co.nz or drop in to their office on campus at the bottom of the Student Union Building • Email careers@waikato.ac.nz and make an appointment with the Waikato Careers Team to learn all about finding a job, how to write an awesome CV and Cover Letter, and how to dominate interviews.

I’M HAVING PROBLEMS WITH THE UNIVERSITY? • The WSU Advocacy service is here to provide you with advice on any university-related issue.

If you think you’ve been graded incorrectly, if you’ve been declined entry to university, or if you have been accused of plagiarism, the WSU Advocacy service is here to provide you with advice on what to do next. Email advocacy@wsu.org.nz to make an appointment so that the advocacy team can help you.

I’M HAVING PROBLEMS WITH MY LANDLORD? • The Advocacy team also help out with tenancy issues! Make an appointment to see Paul by emailing advocacy@wsu.org.nz • Check out the Department of Building and Housing Website: www.dhb.govt.nz • Call 0800 Tenancy for some advice • Drop in to the Citizens Advice Bureau in the Cowshed for a recommendation on what to do

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I WANT TO PICK UP SOME NEW SKILLS? • Volunteer for the WSU, or run in the upcoming September/October elections! Check these pages in Nexus for details later in the year.

• Develop writing skills by volunteering for Nexus! Email nexus@waikato.ac.nz for details.

• Pop along to a library tutorial and learn some new research and writing skills. Library tutorials run all year and include workshops for all levels, ranging from things like finding journal articles and the basics of APA referencing, right up to advanced Word and PowerPoint and how to effectively use Endnote. Check out http://www.waikato.ac.nz/library for more details

I WANT SOMETHING TO DO ON CAMPUS? • Make sure you make the most of the first week back with Disorientation: there will be events on the village green during the day all week; local bands, comedy acts and entertainment on during the evening; a free bus from uni into town at night!

• Check out the revamped WSU website www.wsu.org.nz, which (once Disorientation finishes) will have a nifty calendar displaying the various events being held on campus by WSU Clubs and the WSU Events team.

• Email events@wsu.org.nz for your ideas of the events you would like to see on campus.

I WANT TO KNOW IF THERE ARE ANY SCHOLARSHIPS I CAN APPLY FOR? • Your best bet is the scholarships office: check out their website at www.waikato.ac.nz/ scholarships and subscribe to the scholarships newsletter. That way, you’ll never miss out on an upcoming scholarship that you could apply for.

• Don’t forget that the WSU offers scholarships too, primarily to groups of students that may miss out due to the current scholarships offered. The Sole Parent scholarship closes this Friday so make sure you download the application form and apply as soon as possible!

I NEED SOME LEGAL ADVICE? • Book an appointment with the WSU to see a free lawyer. Each Friday a community law centre lawyer is on campus, so make an appointment to see him or her.

• Call 839 0770 and make an appointment with the Community Law Centre to receive some free legal advice. The Community Law Centre is located at 109 Angelsea Street (opposite the District Court).

OPEN: 8.30am-4.30pm PHONE: 07 856 9139 WEB: www.wsu.org.nz

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DANIEL FARRELL COMMEMORATIVE

Puzzle Page

Brought to you by Mighty Strong Friends of Nexus; Event Cinemas and Frozen Coke Smugglers

Welcome back to the strange existence that is tertiary education. Not quite the same as high school, but let’s be honest, not the real world either. It’s about time we hit the books and get this new semester off to a good start, right? Well, no. Wrong. First, we have a little thing of Re-O Week. You first must acquire alcohol. So, that’s the theme this week. Bar’s in our beloved Tron. And yes, Pie Lab is there. Because let’s be honest, we miss Pie Lab like crazy...

THE BIG BAD wordFIND

the wORDS SHENANIGANS COYOTES CUBBYHOLE FLOW BAR HOUSE ON HOOD OUTBACK INN PIE LAB

QUIZ TIME: In Hook, a pirate is put in the Boo Box for betting against Captain Hook. Who played that pirate?

What was House on Hood formerly known as?

WHAT TO DO The Furious Puzzle Page

(seriously, it’s pretty darn cross) Brought to you by the strong mind of Event Cinemas, in both Chartwell and Centreplace flavours! Mmmmm, delicious frozen coke!

Be warned, this is the most difficult puzzle page ever!

Sekure is gone. What is the name of the bar in its place?

SUDOKU TIME

Sin City is directed by Frank Miller, Robert Rodriguez and who else?

Who is the voice of the dragon in Dragonheart?

What is the name of the Postal Service’s first album?

Who wrote the script for the film True Romance?

Smokin’ Aces stars which New Zealand actor?

Christian Bale was born in which country?

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AT THE MOVIES

WITH RICHARD SWAINSON

THE CONSPIRATOR - DIRECTED BY ROBERT REDFORD

BIUTIFUL - DIRECTED BY ALEJANDRO GONZÁLEZ IÑÁRRITU

“The Conspirator” is everything that Robert Redford’s previous feature “Lions for Lambs” was not: visually assured, impeccably cast and compellingly acted, a true story that gets to the heart of American hypocrisy. It also says more about contemporary politics than that heavy-handed polemic, dramatising a nineteenth court case in which the constitutional right to a jury trial was denied. As

If there were awards given for ironic titles “Biutiful” would clean up. Aesthetically grimy, full of nasty, unsympathetic characters, its social and political milieu one of corruption, racism and mental illness, it’s the most depressing art house film since “Antichrist”.

in the post 9/11 kangaroo courts where terrorist suspects were tried by military tribunals, those accused of conspiring to assassinate Abraham Lincoln were put on trial by a group of army officers less interested in justice than revenge. “The Conspirator” focuses on the sole woman in their number, boarding house keeper Mary Surratt.

has in mind has more to do with human aspirations. Not that his protagonist Uxbal - played by the astonishingly good Javier Bardem - is any paragon of virtue. Uxbal finds employment for Chinese and African aliens in his native Spain, acting as though he has their best interests at heart but in practice making a handsome profit out of sweatshop misery.

After a fairly unnecessary depiction of the assassination itself “The Conspirator” settles down, becoming a court room drama. Some of the facts of the trial have been altered in the name of poetic license and brevity. If there is a tad too much constitutional debate for those without at least a passing interest in U.S. history at least the speechifying never quite gets out of hand.

There is a price to pay for this sin. Uxbal is dying from prostate cancer. His estranged wife is bipolar and is sleeping with his even more venal brother on the sly. When he’s partially responsible for a horrific on site accident his situation goes rapidly from bad to worse. The redeeming aspect of Uxbal’s character is his love for his two children. As his world falls apart concern for their welfare becomes his prime focus.

Redford buys into the type of Americana that sees Lincoln as a demi-god and his death as the biggest tragedy in the country’s short life. “The Conspirator” suggests that that is all the more reason to honour the ideals that Lincoln held dear when trying his killers, though, strangely enough, no character spells this theme out explicitly.

Robin Wright, devoid of make-up and glamour and looking a little like Jessica Lange, makes a most credible Surratt. Evan Rachel Wood is likewise moving as her daughter Anna. James McAvoy is charismatic and suitably earnest as defense counsel Frederick Aiken and the wonderful Tom Wilkinson again brings his trade mark warmth to the part of Aiken’s employer, a Maryland Senator of principle and political agenda. Only Kevin Kline’s casting against type fails. Too sympathetic a performer to play the bad guy, Kline succumbs to cardboard villainy as Secretary of War Edward Stanton.

No masterpiece and not especially sophisticated in its ideas, “The Conspirator” could perhaps have cut deeper as a drama or milked the mysteries of the assassination still further. However, as a piece of craft, as an evocation of time and place and a clear statement of belief in the possibilities of America even as it depicts one of the country’s more shameful legalistic episodes, it reestablishes Redford’s credentials as both filmmaker and liberal conscience.

The type of beauty that writer/director Alejandro González Iñárritu

Inarritu includes an end credit dedication to his own late father.

This packs quite an emotional punch but is hardly necessary to elucidate his theme. Underneath all the horrible behaviour - police beatings, multiple shots of Uxbal’s pissing blood or wetting himself in public and joyless, sadomasochistic sex - the director crafts an ode to fatherhood, one as straightforward as it is heartfelt.

If the dream sequences which bookend “Biutiful” bring to mind some of the more tricky formal experiments of Inarritu’s earlier work the “magic realist” approach is something new in his cinema which he pulls off to poignant effect. He also reins in the temptation to rely too heavily on extended, dialogue-free montage sequences, a technique that became mannered and portentous in “Babel”.

Inarritu is a filmmaker whose artistic motives are always pure, a director unafraid to tackle big universal themes like mortality or take risks with the structure of his narratives. “Biutiful” deserves respect. It’s moving despite - or because of - the downbeat subject matter. However, it’s not a great film. Like “Amores Perros”, “21 Grams” and “Babel” there’s a shortfall between the director’s aspirations and his achievements. While applauding the intentions I can’t help feeling that the guy isn’t as profound a thinker as he imagines himself to be.

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AUTEUR HOUSE

TALES FROM TINSLETOWN

WITH RICHARD SWAINSON

WITH JADE CAREY

How do great film artists bring the curtain down on long careers? Some address mortality head on, others embarrassingly attempt to recapture past form. The below list looks at the final celluloid flings of movie makers who each laboured in the industry for fifty years or more.

The Good “Gertrud” (Carl Theodor Dreyer, 1964). Absolutely loathed on first release, this drawing room drama about a woman’s decision to cut herself off from the world after a failed love affair was taken as evidence of the 75 year

The 20th of June was a sad day for Jackass fans worldwide, as news of Ryan Dunn’s death travelled around the world. Police say Dunn was driving his 2007 Porsche 911 GT3 and travelling at 130 miles an hour (that’s about 209km an hour) when the car left the road, flew over a guardrail and slammed into a tree. The car then exploded into a fireball. Both Dunn and his passenger, Zachary Hartwell, were killed instantly. All that remained of the crash site was the charred remains of the vehicle and Dunn’s body could only be identified by his tattoos.

old Dreyer’s senility and/or laziness. For those attuned to minimalist camera technique and astonishing framing, it is a masterpiece.

“A Passage to India” (David Lean, 1984). 76 year old Lean came out of a self-imposed 14 year retirement with a visually rich, dramatically assured version of EM Forster’s classic novel.

“The Dead” (John Huston, 1987). On oxygen and confined to a wheel chair, 81 year old Huston rallied one last time. An adaptation of James Joyce’s elegiac short story, “The Dead” is the most thematically appropriate swan song in film

Bam Margera said that Dunn had, “the lightest Porsche possible and puts a Lamborghini engine in it and puts nitrous in it with a turbo boost thing.” He also confirmed that the photos of the scene proved that they were right by Hartwell’s exit, “you could throw a baseball to his [Hartwell’s] house” from the crash site. It sounds like Dunn was quite a speed demon which was obviously a huge factor in the crash, plus the fact that he had been drinking.

history.

The Bad “A Countess from Hong Kong” (Charles Chaplin, 1967). Chaplin had conceived the story in the 1930s but fatally made the film three decades later. The woeful miscasting of Marlon Brando, slack pacing and anachronistic premise make this the saddest of codas.

“Buddy, Buddy” (Billy Wilder, 1981). This desperately unfunny black

In an interview with E! News Bam Margera described [Dunn] as a “maniac driver.” He also told E! News that, “he flipped me [Bam] in a car eight times at the same exact spot in 1996. Thank God I had my seat belt on, because Chris Raab [Also from Jackass] put one on me, but my brother didn’t have one on. He flew 40 feet. Thank God he’s alive.” It’s quite freaky to think that Dunn had already rolled his car once at the spot he died about 15 years earlier.

comedy about two hit men - Wilder stalwarts Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau - suggests even comic geniuses lose their touch. Wilder was his own severest critic; despite living another 30 years he declined to make another feature.

“Querelle” (Rainer Werner Fassbinder, 1982). I’m cheating here.

Fassbinder only made movies for 16 years. But he made 43 of them. Most were good, many great. He saved the worst for last.

The Interesting

It’s a sad time for all the Jackass crew and it was especially hard for Bam Margera, as Ryan Dunn was his best friend. Days after Dunn’s death he told E! that “he still couldn’t stop crying.” April Margera was apparently the first to confirm the death of Dunn after she called into a morning radio station to say that one of the cast members of Jackass had died. She mentioned being worried about her son who was out of town at the time.

“7 Women” (John Ford, 1966). At age 72 Ford had the courage to try something different: a drama about just over a dozen females in 1930s China.

Stage bound and uninspired in its cardboard villainy, it’s impeccably acted and framed.

“Family Plot” (Alfred Hitchcock, 1976). The master of suspense went out mildly, though the parallel plots in this comic thriller about jewel thieves demonstrate that he never stopped experimenting.

“Maadadayo” (Akira Kurosawa, 1993). Made exactly a half century after his debut, 83 year old Kurosawa shows strong personal identification with his protagonist, a retired school teacher not ready to give up his grip on life.

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Dunn had last been seen at a bar just hours before the crash and had posted a picture of himself drinking with friends on his twitter. It has since been removed from his account. It ran through my mind that maybe the crash could have been avoided had alcohol not been involved. Margera downplayed his friend’s blood alcohol level as a cause of the crash, focusing instead on Dunn’s penchant for excessive speed.

As interviewed by Kate

-Lasers for Eyes- Cogswell We talked to Simon and Jeremy from Midnight Youth about the success of their debut album and where the Auckland band’s heading next.

So you’ve been together for five years, how did things start out?

Yeah the band as it is now’s been together since 2006 but the name’s been around awhile. Before that we were involved with Smokefree Rockquest. Rockquest is really good; we credit it with getting us going. It gave us the attitude to really go for it and work hard.

From there were you committed to making a name for yourselves in the industry?

Well we had a couple of songs but we were told we really needed an album to back that up if we were going to be signed. Our

manager knew a guy in New York with a recording studio who said basically, if we could get ourselves over there we could do it. We had a bit of savings but it was hard work. A lot of bands sit around waiting for funding but we really wanted to get out there and do what we could. We brought the album back home to produce and we’ve had a lot of support from the NZ Music Commission. We’ve been doing a lot of ground work for the band with the first album it’s just a matter of following it up.

what a lot of bands do, where they start with a real rock aesthetic but the music softens and becomes more commercial. We started out quite commercial, The Brave Don’t Run has some simpler pop songs but now we’re developing our Rock’n’Roll sound. We grew up with Rock’n’Roll so the upcoming album will be a pure representation of Midnight Youth. We want to change perceptions of who the band is.

You’ve played a lot of gigs and opened for some big names, how has this helped you?

You’ve got to be a good live act, there’s no money in recording unless you’re in the top 40.

Every band we play with (that’s good) inspires us; well actually even if they’re shit you can learn from every band. You get the drive to keep

With the changing industry where do you hope to find success in the future?

Everywhere. America is a hard market to break into. We’d like to get more of a fan base in Asia, especially China by getting out there and touring. It’s becoming more about the music with a bigger emphasis on live acts because you can’t make money from anything

going when you believe in the music and people tell you that it is good music. The experience touring NZ, Australia and the United States has been great for our music and we’ve gained a lot of material to use on our next album.

else. Shit bands just fade away because they’re bollocks. You have to avoid the congestion and all the shit, just do what you want. You make a good album and you take it as far as you can.

Has your music changed since recording the first album?

Our new album is 3 or 4 years down the track, we were only 18 when we wrote some of the songs so the music has definitely matured a lot.

Jeremy’s vocals have grown and he’s had more life experiences and influences to write about.

We’ve listened to heaps of different music in that time. We’ve actually done the opposite to

Midnight Youth will be playing some of their new songs from the upcoming album at EDGETRAVAGANZA on July 16th. It’ll be a good rock set so get on down and join the party!

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DEPARTURES

11TH - 16TH JULY, B SEMESTER, 2011

ALL EVENING EVENTS ARE R18. BOARDING PASSES FOR ALL EVENING EVENTS ARE AVAILABLE FROM THE WSU RECEPTION AND ARE FREE WITH STUDENT ID, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF SOUNDSCAPE WHICH IS $15 WITH STUDENT ID. PASSES ARE LIMITED AND ARE PROVIDED ON A FIRST IN, FIRST SERVED BASIS.

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The Magic 8 Ball has seen it all and is not impressed. Fire will rain down from the black, weeping clouds and be the scourge of life on Earth. Through dark dimensions and the cracks in your soul, fallen gods and plump angels write bad poetry about your doom.

Are students drinking too much before they go to town?

Don’t count on it, I don’t think they’re drinking enough. I think that anyone going to town should be totally hammered because frankly; town is an unpleasant place. If you can’t remember what happened, the better!

The floors are sticky, the people are also sticky, the music is terrible and honestly you don’t really want the sort of flea bitten mongrel (male or female) you might pick up in town. Ideally, if you’re drinking before town, you should drink so much that you pass out before you get to the door, sparing you from a night of smelly clubs, smelly people and hooking up with someone you’d rather not have.

Should I move out of my flat because of a bit of mould?

Reply Mouldy Certain places are more prone to mould than others, hell certain flat mates can harbour mould. Luckily, it can usually be managed. Keeping the place clean wouldn’t hurt. Keeping the place dry will ensure mould wont dare enter your sanctum. Having a dehumidifier handy will get the place nice and dry and mould free, it also makes it easier to heat.

Also, give the old flat some air by opening some windows and let the sun in to blast those bastards with a bit of UV. Mould needs moisture and darkness to grow, minimise these and you’ll be mould free, except on the cheese in the back of the fridge that no one dares touch.

Taurus: April 21 – May 21 It’s all relative: for the most part, in comparison with the rest of the massive dickbags on campus, you are 100% pure.

Gemini: May 22 – June 21 This week, you’ll be pulling the ladder up behind you and stamping on the hands of the silly fuckers trying to hang on.

Unless your name isn’t Bill English, in which case you’ll be scratching around in the undergrowth looking for bits of catshit to suck on for sustenance.

Cancer: June 22 – July 23 Mars is rearing its possibly-sweet-for-humans-if-we-plant-loadsof-trees-and-remember-to-water-them head this week, which essentially boils down to a grouchy old bitch staring back across the bathroom sink. Your best option is to skip the 9am lectures and catch some mid-morning Pongia. This week he’s watching Astar make hats out of bits of old carpet and plant-pots.

Leo: July 24 – Aug 23 Your new neighbours are an absolute shower of cunts. They used to live next door to me and it was nothing but wobbly bass and noisy fart sex coming through the walls. Their cat’s a prick too.

Virgo: Aug24 – Sep 23 This week, you’ll discover every song you ever liked by Van Morrison is actually about Van Morrison pumping/wanting to pump/carefully constructing foolproof plans to pump an underage girl.

Libra: Sep 24 – Oct 23 The term “round robin sodomy” will come into play in a big way this week.

Scorpio: Oct 24 – Nov 22 Is it possible to live off of Mi Goreng noodles?

Don’t count on it I will concede Mi Goreng are tasty, but frankly your body needs more than that. It regrettably needs more expensive things to live off of.

Instant noodles are full of fat and frankly have nothing but salt and empty carbs, you’ll find after a few days of straight noodles your mind will dull and you’ll feel like shit. If you’re in a bother frozen veggies, mince (it’s cheapish) and noodles can make for a tasty better almost as cheap alternative. I know times are tough guys, but you need to take care of yourselves so you can survive this doomed existence called ‘university’.

What’s the most important: friends or drinking?

Not likely, Speaking as a non drinker that loves alcohol, I say: Who wants to drink alone? Fuck there is nothing more depressing than drinking alone. One of my biggest fears is losing contact with them when they graduate. Really what it bubbles down to: no matter how drunk you are, beer wont hug you back and hard spirits wont draw on your face when you pass out and wine certainly won’t call your work, pretending to be your mother saying you’re too unwell to go to work after a hard night on the town.

This week you’ll develop a complete brain-fuck of a cold. Use the opportunity to talk in a sexy yet phlegmy French accent with conviction. And get a beret. You are a pretentious student wankface after all.

Sagittarius: Nov 23 – Dec 21 This week, someone will remark that you seem to “cast a wide net.”

Capricorn: Dec 22 – Jan 20 As Jupiter hovers in your domestic sector, you will find yourself playing the highly undesirable game of “chocolate or poo?” -- With surprising results.

Aquarius: Jan 21 – Feb 19 For the first time in your entire life, you will find yourself well and truly ‘gruntled’.

Pisces: Feb 20 – Mar 20 That special someone is just around the corner. Just like that bit in Mulholland Drive.

Aries: Mar 21 – Apr 20 This week you’ll make an unspoken connection with a sexy someone. Two like-minded souls, suddenly psychically bolted together through sheer cosmic coincidence, discovering that they’re not alone under an indifferent heaven and a hateful sun.

Whilst ambling through S block. You’ll both hesitate; waiting for the right moment, but it’s already been and gone. Resume wandering the earth more alone than ever before.

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Clubs!

With Jimmifer Manniston

Waikato University has a lot of clubs. Most students have no idea of the vast number there is - it’s frightening.

Nexus decided to contact a bunch of them and ask them a few questions about what they do on Campus. Of the 10 clubs we contacted and offered exposure in the magazine you hold in your hands, only three took up such a prestigious offer.

SHAME ON YOU, WAIKATO CLUBS.

The Snow and Ski Club The Waikato Snow and Ski Club is our University’s only club that truly promotes sports that revolve around the snow. They offer members the ability to reduce transport and accommodation costs by car pooling and group bookings. For obvious reasons, they are only active around the winter season, but when the snow does fall, The S&SC is renowned for kicking into full throttle with weekly/monthly Ruapehu trips, Club BBQ’s and video nights. It’s relatively easy to join the club, all it requires is punching a bunch of keys on the keyboard and signing up to the facebook group or emailing club President Karl Stirnemnan at waikatosnow@gmail.com.Karl says there are many reasons to join the club, from the steak and egg burgers in Taumaranui and the late afternoon brews around the fire after a big day up the mountain, to the great international students that join each year and the discounts at R&R sport. Mostly however, he encourages students to join because “if you don’t you will probably just be spending your weekend drinking at some bar like The Outback.” We agree with Karl that a snow trip would prove a better time. If they could have any celebrity as the mascot of their club they’d have Oracle Paul the Octopus, “because he had all the answers and could probably predict the weather.”

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The Waikato University Rowing Club The Waikato University Rowing Club is a very determined club. Their goal is to be the number one rowing university in New Zealand, yet still have lighthearted fun along the way. In terms of their interaction with campus, the only time you’ll see them is on sign up day. On this day they have a rowing machine competition, where those brave enough get given a beer for racing your mate, and the winner gets a prize.

After that the group of Spartans retreats to the early hours of the morning and train and train and train. Train for what, you may cry? Well, they have two major events throughout the year; one in A Semester and one in B Semester. In A Semester they attend the University Rowing Champs which are held the weekend before the Uni Games. In B Semester they attend the Tertiary Challenge or similar competition against Auckland or Victoria. The ‘fun’ in the club comes in sporadic bursts throughout the year in between all the blood, sweat and tears of training.

Club President Matthew Glen says they throw multiple parties and crate days throughout the year as it’s vital to have a “good social life and make new friends.” Nexus knows though, that it’s really just vital to get mess after the hard work and dedication that rowing requires. And for that, we salute this club. So if blood, sweet and beers sounds like your gig, get involved with WURC! If they could have any celebrity as the mascot of their club they’d chose New Zealand Olympic rower and rugby union player Rob Waddell. “If [we] had him in one of those American ‘We Want You’ posters no one would argue with that and join the club.”

SIFE If you’re keen to make a difference to the world, you’d probably be best off getting in with SIFE. SIFE is an international club of academic and business student leaders; anyone with a force inside them that pushes them beyond their limits. Their main goals are to develop raggedy-students into competent professionals, make a difference in their communities through a range of projects. Just pretty much change the world, one community at a time. SIFE is one of the more active clubs on campus, as they participate in the National and World SIFE competitions, have a university mentoring program, volunteer at events, and organise networking events. SIFE members are everywhere.

They dwell in each and every school in the University, and it is because of this wide range of students that SIFE is so beneficial to Waikato, says SIFE member Greg Johnston. “SIFE develops students that complete their degree not only with a qualification but the experience that ensures success. SIFE gives them a mindset that understands and can act to help people in need- however great or small it may be perceived.

This gives the university the greatest benefit because as SIFE members hit the workforce people will see that at the end of their name is a University of Waikato degree. ” SIFE graduates have left Waikato University to go in to top positions such in companies such as Deutsche Bank, PE International, Fonterra, The National Australia Bank, Westpac Bank ,Ernst & Young, and PWC. Getting involved with SIFE is not so easy. You have to sign up for an interview during recruitment, and if you fit the bill of the type of person they’re after, you get taken through a social induction to become part of the SIFE Waikato Team. If you feel you have what it takes, just email SIFE SIFE@waikato.ac.nz.

If they could have any celebrity as the face of advertising as their club, they’d go with the one and only Bear Grylls.

Clubs on Campus AIESEC - Waikato Inc Amnesty International At Waikato Uni Arise Church in Hamilton ASKEW Earth and Ocean Science Society East Timor Students Club Eastside Church Young Adults Golden Key International Honour Society Waikato Greens On Campus H. S. Club Hamilton International Christian Fellowship Hamilton Saudi Club Hamilton Star University Cricket Club Independent Broadcasting Community Latter-day Saints Students Association Management Communications Students Assn Mandarin Cross Culture Club Pacific Law Students Assn Pinoy Club Psychology Student Support Group

Red Tie (Hong ling jin) Solomon Islands Community of Waikato Students of Arts and Social Sciences (SASS) Te Ranga Ngaku The Fair Trade Club The History Club The Waikato Composes Camerata Unite on Campus (Waikato) Unity Dance Collective University of Waikato Alpine Club University of Waikato Christian Club University of Waikato Handball Club UoW Chemistry Club V- Likeminds Clubs Varsity-Hamilton East Cricket Club WAICATH Waikato Cube Club Waikato Indian Students Club Waikato Management School Student Association Waikato Omani Club

Waikato Student Life Waikato Uni Muslim Club Waikato UNICOL AFC (Inc) Waikato University Amalgamated Gamers Club Waikato University Arab Futsal Club Waikato University Biology Society Waikato University Cook Island Association Waikato University Debating Society Waikato University Hockey Club Waikato University Law Student Association Waikato University Malaysian Association Waikato University Netball Club Waikato University Pacific Island Student Assn Waikato University Psychology Students’ Assn Waikato University Rugby Football Club Inc. Waikato University Ski and Snowboard Club Young Engineers Society Young Labour Young Nationals

25

Paper Reviews

With Jimmifer Manniston

Aside from the Waikato University handbooks given by your respective schools, with the little jargon filled course descriptions that flies straight over your heads, Nexus figures the naive first year student really doesn’t have much to go by when considering papers.

So we decided to take the power back to the people and do a few reviews on courses that looked ‘fun’. You’ll notice we did not review any Law papers, and that is because, dear readers, they are not fun. They will get you jobs though. We looked for papers that were a bit out of the ordinary, papers that you can actually enjoy turning up to (maybe), or papers that don’t require purchasing the thousand page text book with writing so small you’ll need glasses by the time you’re done with it.

COMP123-11A/B/S:

The Computing Experience This is the easiest paper known in the university. Although it’s a Computer Science paper, it is available to and even encouraged for all students. Participants are faced with the arduous tasks of turning on the computer, learning to type, cutting, pasting, saving, making power point presentations, creating new folders and attempting to battle their way through saving favoured websites as book marks. It has no lecturers and is instead supervised by qualified grad students and 3rd years, which are there for the complete invalids that don’t know the difference between cutting and copying.

15

Points

$690

7

You can also do the work load of this paper in your own time, which is why some students complete it in two weeks. So take this paper and get it done quickly, then you’ll be able to focus the rest of your time on Mathematics or Engineering or whatever the heck other papers you find time consuming. The only reason it scores a 7 is because it’s the only course that stays on cruise control the entire semester...Sorry, two weeks.

ENGL112-11B:

From Page to Screen: Literature as Text & Film

15

Points

$598

9

Lectured by the Head of English, a woman with a notorious and entertaining addiction to chocolate, this paper is recommended by the Nexus staff on the sole reason that you’re required to study Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight, which is basically a teenage

exam, but if you’ve watched enough movies and read enough books in your time and can string a few sentences together, you’ll be right.

It only has two lectures a week, both from 12-1, and you can choose from a range of one hour tutorials. The lecture slides are usually

boy’s fantasy. The content of the course is based around adaptations.

You read the book, and then watch the film. The course texts differ year-to-year, though in the past have included both the original text and film adaptations of Chocolat, The Children of Men, Lady Windermere’s Fan, The Dark Knight and Casino Royale. The assignments are standard of English and other arts based papers: a film review, seminar presentation, research essay. It does include an

posted onto Moodle, so missing a class isn’t a biggie. Not that you’d ever want to miss a class where the teaching staff is renowned for dramatically re-enacting scenes from Shakespeare and Oscar Wilde, though. Coming in at a near-perfect rating, this course is an English Majors’ dream. We’ll take Heath Ledger’s the Joker over science and accounting any day, suckers.

SPLS105-11B:

Dance, Leisure and Culture This Sport and Leisure Studies paper is for all those competent enough to move their bodies in ways that really shouldn’t be physically possible. Nestled in the dance studio in the Performing Arts Centre, participants study a wide range of dances. Everything from the abstract to the cultural is taught, from Scottish social 26

15

Points

$690

7.5

dance, to break dancing, from kapa haka to contemporary, this course appeals to everyone’s unique boogie thirst. The University recruits experts to teach each respective dance, so at the end of the lecture you know your body will be hurting in all the right places.

Although girls make the majority of the class (which is restricted to

45 students), guys are encouraged to take this paper too. It’s a great way to meet girls, and who knows, ,maybe you’ll become that legend of Outback cutting shapes all over the d-floor and end up being a dancer in Stan Walker’s performance at Edgetravaganza. Chyeah.

ERTH103-11A:

Like with all great papers it is internally assessed, the largest assignment being the group performance at the end of the course.

Discovering Planet Earth

15

Points

$690

4

Okay. We confess. Nexus had a bit of trouble finding a ‘fun’ or ‘entertaining’ based science paper for the critter first years to take.

We searched far and wide for a course to fit the bill. And this is what we found. Discovering Planet Earth, we thought, implied a palaeontologists dream. Discovering the planet surely must have meant digging, and finding fossils, and learning about dinosaurs.

And dinosaurs are rad. But no, instead it’s a paper about rocks and soil, not creatures of the pre-historic nature. We managed to catch up with one student who took this course in 2010. She-who-must-

mentioned an essay on tectonic plates and a field trip to Rotorua as other notable features of the course. Of the actual field trip itself, she could not recall too much, her memory instead highlighting the bus trip. “We had to be on the bus by 8am, but it arrived an hour late. We got to miss out on a few of the lame stops, so that was epic.

Definitely the highlight of my day by far.” In its defence, none of the classes are before midday, and it does include a field trip to Rotorua. However, although we’re sure it’s entertaining for some, it still rates the lowest because at the end of the day:

not-be-named for various reasons (re her views on the paper), said it was an “all right paper if you can survive the 3 hour ‘identifying rocks labs’ without bludgeoning yourself to death.” The student also

it’s a goddamn science paper.

15

MCOM137-11A:

Points

$644

5

Advertising Communication and Creativity At first glance this paper looks relatively harmless: Afternoon lectures and it has ‘creativity’ in its name. A sure fire win-win combo.

But then the bomb drops - It literally is harmless. It’s as plain as they come. It’s mostly internally assessed which is nice, and the work load is split between group and individual work, and theory and creativity. But that’s just the problem; it’s a standard yawn

SMST112-11A/B:

Video Production One This is a hands -on paper for all budding film makers. It gives students the opportunity to flex their technological skills and create a cinematic work to be treasured till you get your first academy award, for a film starring Heath Ledger’s son as the protagonist and Dakota Fanning as the drug addict in the loony bin, only to turn your back on your roots and forget about Waikato University and all your friends. Then after being labelled the ‘next Spielberg’ you’ll continue to make thought-provoking films with state of the art special effects, a-list actors and exciting new youngsters, get hooked on Benzedrine because you’re an arty motherfucker, and spend the rest of your multi-million dollar fortune banging 7 gram rocks and hookers. One morning after a night in a similar vein to The Hangover Part 2, you’ll

and a half paper that’s stale. It teaches you the basics of analysing and producing advertising and how to create images digitally, and morphs both management and design studies into something of a pre-requisite for various students. Cool. It gets 5 out of 10 because it’s perfectly average.

15

Points

$690

8

wake up in your own vomit and kill yourself because you’d rather go out with a bang and live forever. And it all starts with this course. So go on, do it. Students explore the use of cameras, lighting and sound, and are given access to digital video and audio editing programmes on a whole heap of Macs. It’s an internally assessed paper; the closest thing to an exam is an in-class test where you watch a scene from a film and dissect every piece of cinematography. The only aspect of the course which weighs it down is the group work. We’ve all been there and are all aware of the perils: The foreigner that does nothing, the over bearing control-freak who fails to realise their ideas are ridiculous, and the hung-over student that never turns up. Group work is balls.

At the University of Waikato There’s no stopping you.

At the University of Waikato, we’re committed to providing a dynamic and unique university experience.

Now that you’re here, you’ll find a world-class education with plenty of support to help you through.

On-campus Student Services include student health, careers office, Citizens Advice Bureau and counselling advice, not to mention our disability, chaplaincy, accommodation and financial services too.

Student Services are located in the Student Services Building (CHSS) beside the Chapel.

For more information visit waikato.ac.nz/sasd

There’s no stopping you E kore e taea te aukati i a koe 0800 WAIKATO waikato.ac.nz

28

OWEN’S VIEW

MAKING LIVING CHEAPER

WITH OWEN HINTON

WITH HONEST MATT

In 2005, my family and I went to northern England. Before we left my dad warned me of the dangers associated. Bearing in mind that my dad is a librarian, I was quite surprised when he demonstrated how

Hello Cheap Living enthusiasts. Sorry for the delay in advice over the last couple of weeks (I’ve been saving money by not using the computer/ Google box). I hope you have been able to use my previous

somebody might pickpocket me, with a perfectly executed pickpocket manoeuvre. He then went on to warn me about head butts, and showed me the best defensive posture. To this day I wonder if my dad was once some sort of street-fighting pick-pocketer.

teachings to make wise financial decisions in the past few weeks.

We stayed in a town outside of Manchester. Near to us was a pub with a name like the Bull and Sewing machine. My dad and I went for a drink one night and a football match was on the television. As the game went on the crowd wasn’t all that rowdy aside from one guy down the back yelling ‘Coont ref!’ after every play.

A few days later I went back to that pub and another game was on between Man. United and Arsenal. I had heard that this is a huge rivalry, so I figured it would be worth a watch. I ordered a traditional English meal (butter chicken) and sat in a quiet corner near a guy reading a newspaper. We made some chit chat before the game about me being from ‘Noo Zeelan’.

As the game progressed, my mild-mannered friend was quaffing a steady supply of pints. As he got more relaxed he asked me if I was ‘gon eat those poppadums’?’ and he put his jacket beside me asking me if I didn’t mind.

After several pints, my friend started to yell ‘Coont ref!’ and I realised that this was the man from last week. At half time he lit up a smoke and moved to the other side of his table. Eyeing me for a moment and with a slight drunken slur he asked ‘Are you sittin’ on ma eggs?

He gestured to his jacket and said ‘I’ve got my eggs in ma jacket. You sittin’ on ma eggs Noo Zee-lan?’ with a big emphasis on Zee-lan.

With an unsure laugh, I said ‘No, I’m not sitting on your eggs, haha…’

He then eyed me some more, and gave me an odd grin. Not a ‘ah, you get my joke?’ more of a ‘you’ll pay for my eggs…’

Well I’ve been trying to think of some tips for you but nothing has sprung to mind. I delved deep into my beautiful mind and found what I believe is the core of wasting money. The core to you wasting money is: Others.

Tip #1 Become a no mates.

If you’re a no mates you’re going to save a hell of a lot of money. I have found that I waste money because others (“friends”) encourage me to waste it. People always presume I want to get on the piss, go to that overpriced music event or go halves in something. Its always “Hey Honest Matt shall we go halves in a box of piss…. then get pissed?” or “Hey Honest Matt can you shout me a pie… ill pay you back…. you’d be a good as c*%t” or “Honest Matt, you’ve got to start paying your damn child support”. Everybody wants to spend your money rather than there own and if you are a bloody top-notch bloke like myself people will take advantage of your generosity.

In short friendships are a drain on the finances. First thing you need to do is ditch the mates. It’s a ballsy call but one that needs to be made if your truly serious about penny pinching. First thing you need to do is start telling family, friends, colleagues, partners and children that they are dead to you and you wish to have no further contact with them.

This will naturally ruffle a few feathers and lead to abit of friction. If you can weather the storm however you can then let the saving begin!

After the burning of bridges you will then be able to save money by moving into a cozy one bedroom flat. Think of the savings that will come! Remember debates over what to buy in the flat shop? Doesn’t matter when all you’re shopping list consists of is 7 tins of spaghetti (one for each day of the week). Phone? Internet? No worries because no one wants to talk to ya! Sad Prick? Maybe! Financial genius? Yes! Check out hcard.co.nz/deals

Conjuring images of receiving head-butts for sitting on this guy’s imaginary shopping; I left rather quickly after that.

29

BOGANOLOGY 101

THE ATHEIST EXPERIENCE

WITH BURTON C. BOGAN

WITH SAM THE ATHEIST

You know how some well-respected Metallers just won’t retire even though you secretly wish they would? After an amazing career both with Black Sabbath and solo, Ozzy went on to perform at concerts

Atheism is, by definition, a negative (in the sense of the opposite of a statement of belief” term. Specifically, the Oxford Online Dictionary definition defines it as “disbelief in the existence of God or gods”. This

looking like your grandpa jumping up and down in slippers and releasing a single that would be more attuned to kids in The Outback ‘raising the roof’ (Let me hear you scream). While Metallica have sort of vindicated themselves with their latest album, Death Magnetic, the mere mention of St Anger has the ironic effect of making Bogans grinding their teeth with rage. Fear Factory’s album Archetype seemed more like an angry Dear John letter to bassist Dino Cazares then the sort of unbridled rage against the system that was the album Obsolete.

is a very accurate depiction of the atheist community: we are many, many different kinds of people who happen to reject the premise of any existence of a god. We, by definition, have no dogma to adhere to, no core assertions to stick by. Atheism is a belief in the same way that not collecting stamps is a hobby.

With those examples firmly in mind, I bring you the sixth (?) season of Boganology 101. Like a fart on a Sunday morning, it’s the bad smell in the Nexus office that seems to linger far too long.

However, there are some that would marginalize me and my fellows by asserting several blatantly untrue things about atheists, things that have shocked me by being asked if or flat out told that certain things about me are true, for example:

So why am I writing this column yet again?

“Atheists believe in nothing!” Not true. I believe in logic, reason and the scientific method, and because these three tools have real-world ramifications and observable evidence, I have actual hard proof that these things are useful.

Well, while not considering myself worthy of being in the illustrious company of the Metal legends at the start of this column, I think our situations are analogous. People like being characters. Ozzy and Metallica don’t need money - royalties and merchandise alone would keep them in ivory back scratchers for the rest of their lives.

In fact, logic and reason are two tools that Humans as a race are exceptional at using, and the scientific method is an extension of these. Whilst it may be plagued by the problem of induction, it has been observably right so many times that arguments pointing out the problem of induction to the scientific method have been rigorously

Heavy Metal has survived as long as it has because of the larger than life characters that make it what it is. Everything in Metal is larger than life - the spikes, the hair, even the socks stuffed down the tight black jeans. The people in Metal are also larger than life and, in kind, they need the music. Without the music, KISS is just a troupe of sad mimes and Alice Cooper is your grandma in a wig. They are the characters that we relate to or who help create fantasies. They become our role models or our targets of admiration.

When these people break character however, for example appearing without makeup or become the subjects of bad reality shows, the fans disown them. It’s frequently the characters that keep us going.

That’s what I’ve missed the most – without Dave there is no Burton C Bogan, but without Burton C Bogan there is no Dave.

30

debunked, and the times it was wrong, it was because it was right about something else.

I have met several people in my time who are great people, and happen to be religious. Also, I have met several people who are great people, and do not believe in god. Some would tell you that the great people who do not believe are lying to God and are rebelling, but I’d just say that they’re being honest about the evidence presented to them.

POST-RAD

DIARY OF A RAVER

WITH BLAIR MUNRO

WITH GIG GIRL

I’m generally too busy to watch television, folks. What with exams just finished, and research that needs doing, I hardly have time. In one of the few spare moments I had over the past month, however, I was at a

Stereotyping people who go out partying is something that everyone seems to do.

friend’s house watching some terrible youth programming, with some hip youngsters on screen in trendy clothing.

So what do you think of me? Being that I write about Hamilton’s antics, bars, people, gigs and raves.

As bad as this was, as insufferable as you could imagine this television to be, it was made worse by the fact that some complete twat I went to school with was hosting the damn programme. Some fucking chowderhead who, despite every warning sign he gives about offering him a job, was employed by someone who needed a television personality.

I’m guessing that you think I’m a first year student, most likely 18 or 19, who is ditzy, dumb and the kind of girl who definitely couldn’t count the amount of people I have slept with on all of my fingers and toes. Much to the contrary, but I don’t need to validate myself to people who make assumptions about me without getting to know me or knowing who I am. In fact I find it entertaining, especially when you go around telling people I am a slut.

Now, five minutes of this show was all I could stand. This guy opened his mouth, and inanity flowed forth, as it did back in my hometown.

I’m not going to mention his name, even though essentially nobody from my high school came to this university. If you find yourself in a crowded room, and yell out “Swim Ham Bone”, and someone looks, there’s a pretty good chance it’s this guy.

This tirade is not borne out of jealousy, by the way. I’m making a very valid point about the different paths people can take. See, this guy was essentially the golden boy at school. Certainly not the smartest guy, by any measure, but his arrogance and unjustified sense of superiority constituted popularity. The kid everyone loved, and he hits his peak by hosting a television show aimed at high school students, whereas I’m working towards a Master’s degree in science, with a dozen irons in the fire. I was not popular in the least, but the sky is the limit at this point.

I’m not sure who this reflects worse upon, to be honest. Is it worse that this guy I went to school with, who was offered essentially the same opportunities that I was, is sitting upon a throne over a trapdoor, secure in his ignorance of the fleeting nature of his career, or that pretty much everyone I went to school with was so stupid that they would be enamoured with a moron who thought fringes on men were okay?

There’s a lot to be said about this, and not just because I hate the guy.

Or maybe it is just because I hate the guy. He sure could use an asswhooping.

Everybody stereotypes and I believe that even I stereotype people that go to town. If I were to make generalizations on the type of people that go out in Hamilton; they tend to be first years who continuously get mashed, guys trying to get into girls; and girls who wear not a lot for self validation. But hey that’s me just stereotyping and this is not necessarily the case at all.

There are people that go to town and gigs that most people chose to ignore, or not bother to notice. I know people go out who have kids that are great parents; girls who go out just to dance, no other reason; people who go to gigs solely for the music, to see their favourite DJ or artist perform; and people who go out just for something to do. You can’t stereotype those who go out and party, they are aged 18 +, male or female, from every walk of life.

So next time you are out in town, don’t assume that because a girl is wearing a short dress she’s DTF, she might be wearing it because it makes her feel good; don’t assume that the guy that is wasted standing next to you does this on a weekly basis, he might have just broken up with his girlfriend and is drowning his sorrows.

Assumptions are what get people into trouble; assumptions are what hurt other people. So before you make assumptions about someone, both in town and in life in general, either talk to them and get to know them, or walk away and don’t say a thing. And because telling the person next you that I’m dirty slut when I am not, is really not going to achieve a thing.

31

SEX ON CAMPUS

WORDS OF WISDOM

WITH DICK & FANNY

WITH MR MINTY FISH

This week we have story to share from Pistol Pete, who wrote to us about his first sexual experience on campus. Good work, Pistol Pete!

One note is that Pistol Pete appears to be gay. His story reflects that

Dear Diary, Today was epic.

Yesterday was epic.

(which we think is fantastic), and is also deliciously explicit. If you are offended by either of these things, stop reading now. If you have your own story to share though, we’d love to hear it: email givemetheclap@gmail.com!

Tomorrow will be epic.

Yours truly, Jizz.

It was a Monday morning like any other. I was in my 9am class, reading Nexus, when the hottest man I have ever seen sat down in the seat in front of me. His bulging biceps, sun-bleached blonde hair, deep tan and tight fitting singlet took my breath away. I spent the remainder of the lecture checking him out: the way the muscles of his arm moved as he wrote notes, the way his broad chest tapered down to his slinky hips, the way his shorts rode up to reveal hairy, muscular thighs.

As soon as the class ended, I grabbed my satchel (which was very useful in hiding the bulge in my shorts from my semi-erect cock) and made for the toilets. I shut myself in the cubicle, and released my dick from my constraining shorts. I leaned back and jerked my aching dick, imagining that the Greek God was bending over in front of me, hairy ass spread, begging for me. I decided it would be a better idea to stand over the toilet, so my inevitable cum wouldn’t run down my balls and into my pubes,

We all like to think that we get loose. But do we? Was the biggest scandal of your weekend some guy joked about you giving him head later or was it that you then used his penis as a lollipop? I’m not promoting blow-jobs as the only way to have fun in Hamilton... but even if it was, are we all just a little bit conservative anyway? We’ll test. Any next week Lettuce’s complaining about that “crude old MrMintyFish” and the universe has spoken. Conservative. Case in point, we have a Smush Room. An entire room (a cupboard) with a bed (couch mattress), foliage (plastic leaves) and mood lighting (old Christmas lights) and in over 6 months, the most action it has seen is the occasional ‘nap’ taken by stray drunk kids that can’t quite make it to town. There’s a point where we could stop and consider if this means that we are becoming respectable young adults... or there’s that other thing; you know; the thing where we’re letting the entire student race down with our lack of sexual promiscuity and as punishment we may as well start early by buying a few cats and knitting sweaters from their fur. Yeah. THAT thing.

creating a difficult to clean mess. I continued my stroking, now imagining he was fucking me from behind.

I heard the door to the toilets open. Someone came in and started pissing in the urinal. I kept jerking my dick. However, the splashes of his pissing were not loud enough to cover the slap of my balls on my thighs, or my ragged breathing as I tugged at my meat. The thought of someone knowing what I was doing turned me on even more, and with a few final strokes, I shot my load over the toilet. My cum went everywhere but in the bowl: on the seat, on the floor, on the flush button, EVERYWHERE. I leaned against the wall of the cubicle, thoroughly spent. I heard the door of the toilet open and shut; the pisser had left. Once I regained my breath, I carefully cleaned up my mess, flushed, and went and washed my hands.

When I pushed on the door to leave, I felt someone opening it from the other side. It was HIM: the Greek God, the guy from my class, the guy who

It’s the start of Semester B and I have a proposal. Just get LOOSE. Get mortal, ruckus, insane. Wake up with a story to justify your hangover and for god’s sake make it good. Your re-Oweek check list is as follows.

-Wake up in the bathroom.

-Find a monkey (if he’s hairy enough, it counts).

-Temporarily lose your friend in an elevator.

-Forget about your friend on the roof for a while.

-Find an Asian.

-Steal a tiger (a cat will do... I guess).

-Give the tiger back. UNHARMED. -Go to firecats.

-Marry a stripper.

-Learn to cover your orange juice with a napkin so that Alan stops fucking roofi-ing you

I would be lusting over for weeks to come, the cause of the mess I made on the toilet. He politely held the door open and let me exit, smiling. I smiled back and thanked him. If only he knew what I had just done.

32

Your challenge is set. Go absolutely mental.

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33

YOGA

PILATES WEEKLY CLASSES CAFES: LIKE A BOSS WITH MRS MATTHEWS Sugar Bowl Cafe -Take two 150 Maeroa Rd, Hamilton.

HIP HOP

KICKBOXING

YOGA Monday and Thursday PILATES Matwork Tuesday and Wednesday Casual or 10 visit concession available

CAPOEIRA

SALSA 6 WEEK COURSES Start week of 18 July

I have said before that I’m surprised when a cafe doesn’t offer something free when they screw up. Well, Sugar Bowl wins this round. After my scathing review of them at the end of last semester the owners of Sugar Bowl went out of their way to make contact, apologise for our horrible experience, thank me for bringing it to their attention AND offer my friend and I an all expenses paid lunch. Bravo Sugar Bowl, it takes stones to take someone’s opinion on board when they are publically criticising your business and even bigger stones to invite them back, and be cheerful and pleasant to them when they do. For that I commend you.

This time it was evident from the moment we walked in that things were different. All the staff were cheerful and smiley the entire time we were there. It could have been for our benefit, but I highly doubt it, since it would be a hell of an act to pull off.

I ordered the French Toast and my friend the Eggs Bene. When it came out, extremely quickly (and I’m not gonna pretend that had nothing to do with who we were) it looked amazing and tasted even better. My French toast came with bacon and caramelised banana, dripping with maple syrup and with a dollop of vanilla bean and berry mascarpone that I ate all by itself when I had run out of toast to smother in on. My friend’s eggs bene looked great and moments after she started eating the words “oh runny eggs, I love you” were uttered so I believe they were good. I can also vouch for the deliciousness of her hollandaise as I pilfered some hollandaise drenched bacon from her plate, it was outstanding.

The coffee came out even faster than the food, and was smoky and delicious. I even took a couple of takeaways for the husband and myself, oh and I love their takeaway cups.

We were thoroughly impressed this time and have been talking about going back to try the good looking cabinet food. There was also a horse of a St Bernard wandering the courtyard delightfully oblivious to the customers. He sunned himself by our table a couple of times, he belonged to the owners, it was so damn whimsical and I loved it.

On ya Sugar Bowl, I knew ya had it in ya.

.co.nz

NEXUS. FOOD. LOVE. WITH DEE Don Corleone... I mean, students of the University of Waikato: I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your home on the wedding day of your daughter.

And may their first child be a masculine child. I mean, thanks for being back for B Semester. And may your B semester be a... yeah, anyway.

spring. And then there is all of summer ahead of us. Yes, I am daydreaming about summer, already. I’m not a big fan of winter. Snow and skiing, snowboarding and everything that comes with it have never been my thing. One of the only things I like about winter (other than an excuse to wear pretty scarves) is that it’s a brilliant excuse to eat soup all the time.

Welcome back! I’m a big fan of B semesters.

You start them when it is the middle of winter, and they end somewhere in late

I’m a big fan of soup. Whether it is from a tin, a sachet, a packet, or completely home-made, I love it. With most foods, if you go with a

CHICKEN SOUP:

VEGETABLE SOUP:

home-made option, it is normally miles better than anything from the store. But that isn’t the case with soup! For the most part, what you get from a store is pretty darn tasty. But if you’re like me, just opening a can/sachet/ packet and cooking to the instructions just doesn’t sit right, then here are a few hints to how you can achieve soup brilliance without much inconvenience.

TOMATO SOUP:

I’m having a bit of an obsession with tinned

I know most people love it home-made, but it

Most tinned Tomato soups are pretty good

Creamy Chicken soup at the moment.

Whenever I make it, I ignore the tin telling me to add half a tin of milk and half a tin of water, and I just use a full tin of milk. And then I add in spaghetti noodles (the dried, packet variety). Cook the soup without letting it boil (if possible) until the noodles are done.

If there is some available I add in leftover chicken, but it isn’t normally necessary.

can be a bit of a hassle to make from scratch whenever you have an itch for vege soup. My recommendation is a good packet mix. Look out for the Kings brand of packets. They are super easy to prepare, and they taste pretty amazing. If you want to add a bacon hock to it, then go for it, but the Kings packets are tasty as it. Add your favourite extra veges if you so desire.

as is, as long as they are made with full milk to make them creamy. Here is a recipe for a Tomato soup that doesn’t have too many ingredients, but will keep even the soup critics at bay. The key to this soup is the basil leaves. 14 of them may be overkill for some people, but don’t you dare leave them out.

Tomato and basil together make the world a wonderful place. The quantities can all be scaled up, but if you double it, I suggest using nine tomatoes instead of just eight..

TOMATO SOUP RECIPE: Ingredients: • 4 tomatoes (medium sized) - seeded and diced • 4 cups tomato juice • 14 leaves fresh basil • 1/2 cup of cream • 1/3 cup butter • salt and pepper to taste 1. Place tomatoes and juice in a big pot over medium heat. Simmer on a low heat for 30 minutes. Blend the tomato mixture (or just mash the heck out of it) along with the basil leaves (which you want to get very small), and return the puree to the pot.

2. Place the pot over medium heat, and stir in the cream and butter.

Season with salt and pepper. Heat, stirring until the butter is melted. Don’t let it boil!

3. Serve it warm. Eat and enjoy!

PWNED: DIABLO 2

WITH SAM PRESCOTT

Diablo was the first outing by (now householdname) developer Blizzard into the world of role playing games. It swept the world in a storm of dungeon-crawling, hack-n-slashing, magicthrowing, bow-shooting glory, complete with an epic boss fight with the Lord of Terror deep within the pits of Hell itself.

Diablo 2 took the original formula that gave rise to the genre of “Diablo clone”, taking what made the game special and revamping the rest, combining great narrative, gameplay and mechanics, spawning a whole new demoninfested level of addictive, soul-grabbing dungeon crawling and a solid addition to the growing stable of great Blizzard titles. The first iteration of a massively multiplayer online role playing game, some of the first recorded cases of in-game items being traded for real-world money happened inside the world known as Sanctuary.

game in such a way that makes the expansion a must-have for anyone looking to experience the world of Diablo 2.

But mostly, we played it (in both forms) for the phat loot.

Soon after the conclusion of the first game, a mysterious “Dark Wanderer” is shown searching the world of Sanctuary. Sensing the great evil shrouding his wake, seven heroes; the Paladin, the Amazon, the Barbarian, the Sorceress, the Necromancer, the Assassin and the Druid respond to the call, attempting to quell the demon uprising that has been spewed forth in the wake of the Dark Wanderer. In their struggle, they discover great intrigue, witness the rebirth of the Prime Evils into the world and consequently banish them back to whence they came.

The Lord of Destruction expansion took off from where Diablo 2 ended: After having defeated Mephisto and Diablo there was still one Prime Evil left– Baal! Continuing the narrative from the base of Mount Arreat, the expansion added several game-making mechanics including runes, and the Assassin and Druid classes, affecting the

This was the main problem with playing Diablo 2 multiplayer, be it online or by LAN: whilst you could do a clean run with friends, more often than not you’ll be playing with people whose characters were amazingly more powerful than yours and had items that could bring down entire hordes of demons with ease. The narrative was all but abandoned for the collection of the aforementioned phat loot.

This minor problem, however, pales in comparison with the rest of the game. Exquisite control, simple interface, easy and free online play, straightforward leveling and stellar narrative all lend themselves to a timeless great, still as good now as it was ten years ago. Anyone wishing to seriously invest themselves into a great game and looking to experience one of gaming’s shining jewels should look no further.

NEXUS FIGURE PAINTING COMPETITION WE’RE HAVING A MODEL PAINTING COMPETITION! THE RULES ARE AS FOLLOWS: 1) Any SINGLE miniature (no larger than 4inches) 2) Drop off to Mark 1 Comics & Games 3) Entries open the 1st August and close on the 9th Septmeber.

4) Winners announced in Nexus on the 19th September 5) Prizes include heaps of phat loot from MarkOne Comics and Games and Nexus

GET INTO IT AND HAVE FUN! SPONSORED BY MARK 1 COMICS & GAMES 551 VICTORIA ST.

KEVIN PRYOR GOES DOWN ON BOOKS THE GOD DELUSION - RICHARD DAWKINS There are a few inexorable forces in life. Tsunamis.

German WW2 Blitzkrieg. A gaggle of teenage girls running late for a Twilight premiere.

Richard Dawkins is one of these irresistible forces. If you read the ‘God Delusion’ you will be bludgeoned by his rationality. Not slowly, not subtly, but hammered into submission. I stepped into the ring as an atheist, but still almost had to throw in the towel. Dawkins circles your arguments waiting for your guard to drop to ask ‘yeah but what about ...’ whereby he smashes you with a well reasoned right hook.

Every possible contention that you put forward for the existence of God (and Dawkins focuses on the Christian God) is rebutted. In fact if you can think of some argument for God’s existence that isn’t covered in the God Delusion, you can come up to the Nexus office and we’ll give you a prize.

There are two exceptions to this. If you ‘believe’ in God come what may, then no argument is going to sway you. A belief is just that. Something that

cannot be swayed by facts or argument.

The other way of escaping the dragnet is to take a relativist position to facts. ‘What is truth etc?’ - i.e. nothing can be proved because there’s no such thing as truth.

If you’re in this category, come up to the Nexus office as well, and we’ll give you the cold hard truth of a punch to the head.

What I like about Dawkins is that he was driven to write his book by his work in evolutionary biology. He isn’t some lame ‘shock-jock’ trying to get people’s attention.

Rather he felt his hand was forced by the public’s ignorance of science.

Particularly so in the United States. By understanding evolution properly, you can see how intelligent life emerged without the need for a supernatural magic wand.

C’mon Christians, I dare ya. Step into the ring with Dawkins, and see if you can last twelve rounds.

JUDY READS...

THE HELP - KATHRYN STOCKETT The Help is one of the most interesting books that I’ve read in quite a while, especially considering its genre. I’m not usually a big fan of the modern re-writes of history, but this is a story that you can lose yourself in. Each of the narrators has a completely different point of view, and tells a different story but they come together in a way that

the work because they want things to be better for their children and grandchildren.

seems to really show what life would have been like in Jackson Mississippi in the early 1960’s.

race – one that carries disease that makes them unfit to use the same bathroom as the rest of the household. The maids find the issue of race to be humiliating and life controlling; because of their race they had no choice but to follow the footsteps of their mothers into the homes and kitchens of the white women.

Race is the biggest issue in The Help, and I think it’s really important. It’s important not to forget that stuff like this happened, and sure it wasn’t in our country but it had an impact on the whole world. I’d recommend The Help; it’s a great story which explains history and the beginnings of the civil rights movement in an approachable way.

Skeeter is a young white woman who has just returned from college. The maid she had know her whole life has gone from the family home and no one will talk about why she has gone. Skeeter is weird because she aspires to be more than just a wife, she wants a career and she seems to be the only one who actually sees what is going on with the women in her life and the maids that serve them. Aibileen is an African-American maid who has spent her life raising white ladies babies, but has just lost her only son. Minny is also an AfricanAmerican maid, but she manages to put her job in danger on a regular basis due to back-talking to her employers. Putting their stories together as a novel put the women at risk, but the maids continue with

The maids are trusted to cook all the food and care for the children, but not trusted to polish the silver. Many of the white women see their black maids as part of an alien

SKINT STUDENT NIGHT Wednesday July 13th House Bar | Hamilton 7pm - 9pm

MEDICATE

THE ADULTS

Thursday July 14th Flow Bar | Hamilton doors open 9pm

Thursday July 14th Altitude | Hamilton doors open at 8pm

Vhari | Hybrid Kaon | Breadman Hemisphere Euphoricmilk

F in Maths featuring Jon Toogood Shayne Carter Julia Deans

$5 Beer, Sauv & Pizza

$2 Door Entry | $5 Drinks

STATE OF MIND

SOUNDSCAPE

Friday July 15th

Alexandra St | Hamilton

NIL BY EAR TOUR

Flow Bar | Hamilton doors open 9pm Nymfo (NL) Hybrid Malicious Mayhem $15 Adult Tickets www.iticketexpress.co.nz

Saturday July 16th

doors open 9pm 7 zones, including electro, hiphop, house, dubstep and dnb, harddance and live music and over 40 acts Early Bird Tickets $10+BF www.iticketexpress.co.nz

STEALTH MODE Friday July 22nd

Imbibe Bar | Mount Maunganui

doors open 7pm

Vandalism (AUS) Rich Carey (AK, OUR:HOUSE) Audio Harassment (AK) | Smashd Brothrs (TGA) Tronik DJs Feat Mc Diaz Grimm (HAM) $20 Adult Tickets www.dashtickets.co.nz

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PRESENTS

THE BUSTED PAGE

DIRTY ELECTRIC SOUNDSCAPE TEASER

PINCH & A PUNCH FT. PNC

ALL PHOTOS BY SHANNON ROLFE - SHANNONROLFE.COM

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