issue 14 by Nexus Magazine

14 16 JULY 2007

When I realised I didn’t want to spend my life working with fish, the Graduate Programme let me go straight from a degree in marine biology to working in Telecom’s future development department. If you’ve got big bold dreams, a degree in just about anything, and a drive to succeed, this could be the place for you. You’ll spend 24 months getting your teeth into three or four jobs across our group of companies, armed with a senior business mentor and regular training. Join our Grads for an info session, Thursday 19 July, 12:30pm, L4, or visit telecom.co.nz/graduates to ﬁnd out more.

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Nexus Issue 14 16 July 2007

Features

Credits

The Death of Satire

If they can’t laugh at themselves, we’ll have to do it for them

EDITOR: ROZ CASE (nexus@waikato.ac.nz) DESIGN: MATT SCHEURICH (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) ADVERTISING: TONY ARKELL (Phone 021 176 6180) NEWS ED: JOSH DRUMMOND (news@nexus-npl.co.nz) BOOKS ED: BRIE JESSEN MUSIC ED: CAPTAIN AHAB (htownahab@gmail.com)

Articles 16

Key’s Hot Confessions

More hot scandal from Dirty John

Hamilton Underground Film Festival

The call for submissions

CONTRIBUTORS: ANDREW NEAL, BLAIR NICHOLSON, NICKI NEWCOMBE, BURTON C. BOGAN, BRIE JESSEN, CYRILL, CAPTAIN AHAB, JOSEPH ROSS, NICK MAARHUIS, GEOFF DOUBE, JED LAUNDRY, ROZ, MATT, JOSH, ART FOCKER, PETRA JANE, JOE CITIZEN, ALANA FERGUSSON, DR RICHARD SWAINSON, BOULANGER, TOBY MORRIS, VITAMIN C, WSU. VISIT US ONLINE @ nexusmag.co.nz AND myspace.com/nexusmagazine

News 8-13

Re-Orientation reorientates, University internet price drop, Science Hub, Mr Safety Bigglesworth, Victoria Uni Students Association antics, Short shorts, Haiku News

Editorial Lettuce Black Seeds photos WSU columns Notices Puzzles Weird Facts

THE VIEWS EXPESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, WSU OR APN. WANT TO ADVERTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL nexus@waikato.ac.nz OR PHONE 07 838 4653 OR VISIT www.nexusmag.co.nz/advertising-info

Regulars 07 14 19 22 25 26 27

NEXUS IS A MEMBER OF THE AOTEAROA STUDENT PRESS ASSOCIATION (ASPA). LIKE A SNAKE, BUT WITH AN EXTRA “A”.

27 28 29 29 30 30 31

Smoke vs Water Society Pages Boganology Sports Thoughts Agony Art static void Main() Magic 8 Ball

31 33 34 35 36 37 38

The Public in... DVDs Citric Books Film Events Guide Busted

ISSUE 14 16 JULY 2007

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT GROUND FLOOR, STUDENT UNION BUILDING, GATE ONE, UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO, KNIGHTON ROAD, HAMILTON. PHONE: FAX: EMAIL: POSTAL:

07 838 4653 07 838 4588 nexus@waikato.ac.nz PRIVATE BAG 3059, HAMILTON

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GUEST

Editorial

Nexus Cover Art WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ/COVERART

JOSHUA DR UMMOND BY ROSALIND CASE

If you’ve made a passing glance at any form of news media over the last couple of week’s you probably noticed them getting all angsty about some changes Parliament is introducing to the way people can report on House doings. The gist is that you won’t be able to satirise, ridicule or denigrate MPs in video feeds from the House, which is where Parliament does much of it’s law-making business and where those tasty clips of MPs picking their noses, flipping the finger and snoozing generally come from. It’s all a bit complicated, with some testy differences between what print media and television are allowed to show, but what it boils down to is that MPs are sick of being a laughingstock and don’t want their House doings to be “satirised” anymore. Break the rules; and you run the risk of being charged with contempt of Parliament; a serious charge that can get offenders fined and/or jailed. For “satire.” Right. Satire. Let’s have a look at that word. Satire n 1. use of wit the use of wit, especially irony, sarcasm, and ridicule, to attack the vices and follies of humankind 2. literary work using satire a literary work that uses satire, or the branch of literature made up of such works Uh oh. Nexus does that all the time! (Well, we try.) But here’s the rub; I’m not sure how satirical it is to catch a picture of a politician asleep or flipping the bird and then relay it on telly. It’s not comedy

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genius, really, even if they put a hiiii-larious soundtrack like rock-a-bye baby over the top of it and a oh-so-snarky commentary. You see, the media doesn’t need to do anything particularly witty or clever to make a politician, caught in the act of doing stupid stuff, to look like a dick. It’s implied. All that’s necessary is for someone to catch them in the act – gotcha! – and publish the picture. When faced with this situation, you’d expect the offending MPs to be given a stern talking-to and be told to haul their fingers in. But instead, we’re being told it’s the media’s fault for making them look silly. Well, it’s not the media’s fault. At the risk of pointing out the painfully obvious, it’s theirs. Even more insultingly, Parliament plans do its own broadcasting of House proceedings, which will no doubt cast them as benevolent god-like beings making beneficent, wonderful laws for an adoring populace. What MPs need to get their heads around it that it’s perfectly legitimate for people to be interested in how their elected representatives are acting. We pay them a hell of a lot and expect them to make fair laws that benefit society. If these people spend their lawmaking time snoozing, then it’s only natural that the public should know, so we can vote them to a nice peaceful retirement. Satire is a different beast entirely. To be satirical, we need to do stuff like the excellent Facelift (Mondays, 10 pm, TV1) or the even more excellent Eating Media Lunch. The flipside to all this, and what I suspect the politicians think, is that we’re not being fair. Someone might be doing good work 99.9 percent of the time and then be hauled over the media coals for the 0.1 percent of time they nod during a no doubt acid-boring Parliamentary session. Understandable – but tough! Politicians are, by the nature of their

ISSUE 14 16 JULY 2007

Artist: Anthony

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positions, required to be in the public eye. They’re only human, sure, but it’s just as human to point and laugh when they screw up. But it’s important that we don’t get too involved in securing our right to see MPs picking their noses set to pop soundtracks on the evening news. We should be scrutinising more important stuff, like our cosying-up to the human rights-massacring regime in China, or what’s actually being discussed law-wise while the House is in session. As a student magazine, our job is nominally to be the voice of an organisation whose functions include being the critic and conscience of a society, while being funny bastards at the same time. And I’m sorry I couldn’t make this editorial very funny, because it’s never funny when you explain a joke. But that’s the thing isn’t it? We’ve all gotten very serious about defending the right to make fun of people. I blame the politicians. Damn you, stuck-up, poncey, self important, misbehaving, thinkyou-run-the-country bastards. We’re going to take the piss out of you every chance we get.

Re-orientation reorientates! SOMEONE ENJOYING THEMSELVES A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH AT RE-ORIENTATION

By Joshua Drummond

A few people looked liked they thought it was overcrowded but no-one was complaining. They couldn’t complain because they were suffocating. But the gig was still awesome, and people had fun. “Just going off! People were amped!” Elmo cried.

Re-orientation has gone off with a few hitches, but that’s cool, because mostly it went off without hitches. I don’t know what a hitch is, but that’s okay, because there weren’t too many of them. Woo! This is Elmo. He organised the more or less hitchless Re-orientation. “It’s had its up and downs,” Elmo sneezed. “We had a few performers pull out at the last minute, but ya just get on with it, You wake up the next morning and the world keeps turning,” he added – welcome news to all organisms that depend on sunlight and gravity. The WSU sold 650 tickets to the Black Seeds. There were more than 650 people there though, said Vitamin C. People came from everywhere and the band played a variety of instruments with style and panache. It was at The Bahama Hut. Were you there? You should have been. “Clubs day and the Black Seeds were awesome,” grinned Elmo “Just insanely cool! It was absolutely packed”

each

Mike 1st year student: “This weather’s crap aye,” “Just looking forward to the free beer” Some chick: “Blackseeds should be mint.” (They were) Some Hot Chick (Jamiee Lynne Parker) “I had an egg thrown at my head.” Vitamin C: “Has anybody seen my sunglasses? I’M SURE THEY’RE AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE. Comedy night was great. What do you mean that’s tomorrow?

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Some guy by the Lapshop stand: About F1 racing challenge: “tried it three times and it’s too fuckin’ hard”

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“Front row was full of blonde girls - wtf?” said Elmo. He looked a little e(l)mo the morning after, with dark circles under his eyes and tight black pants. Here is what Elmo said about the weather, which was entirely shit the whole week except for Thursday which dawned bright cold and sunny and Friday which hasn’t happened yet. (But when you read this it will have. Ooh.) “Can’t do anything about that,” Elmo hooted about the weather. “It has kept numbers away, I thought the Market Day would have more numbers but that’s what’s unfortunate about only having an outdoor venue. We do the best we can.” Maths majors are disappointed, and are hoping for the imminent return of the numbers, especially π, and its hot cousin e^(-i π) “Had Transformers pulling out the Friday before,” Elmo sniffed. Autobots, roll out! But apart from that, Elmo guffawed that it had “gone really well.”

Here is what Students said about Re-orientation. They Had Fun.

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University Science hub world-first internet price drop – not enough By Andrew Neal

Waikato University has developed a world-first Science Learning Hub which aims to narrow the gap between scientists, school students and the rest of the world.

The Science Hub was launched in Wellington by Education and Science, Learning and Technology Minister Steve Maharey on July 2.

By Joshua Drummond Internet prices for Waikato University students are being lowered 36% in what is being billed as a welcome move by the Waikato Students Union.

The Hub was developed at the University by large teams from the Wilf Malcolm Institute, School of Education and others from Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch.

Previous charges were set at 5.5 cents per megabyte, and will be reduced as of 10 July to 3.5 cents per megabyte, a reduction of 36 percent.

The aim of the project is to connect High School students from years 9 and 10 with a range of resources such as animations and updated information that illustrates how science relates to their everyday lives.

Students incur these costs when they access sites outside of the Waikato University website/network and web-based email.

According to Professor Alister Jones, Dean of the School of Education, the idea for the Hub came from students being “disengaged with science”, as well as teachers wanting contemporary and relevant resources. ]Jones says that there needed to be a “different avenue that could make it happen”.

WSU President Sehai Orgad said the drop in prices was a “good start,” but the University needed to do more. “I think it’s a good start for the university to review charges and it is encouraging to see that they have started to review charges for students,” she said.

Jones says the science community is also wanting to offer its research to the wider world.

“However the WSU still feels although the charges have come down by 36 percent the University should continue to explore ways of which internet charges could be further reduced, to match other uni internet services – for example, at Lincoln they’re free,” she said. ITS says the “savings are achieved by marginally costing delivery and leveraging off competitive pricing from Internet service providers,” whatever the hell that means. Nexus suspects the department is run by robots.

Over four year Jones intends for the Hub to expand and it is planned that it will connect all universities and research institutions throughout the country. The hub will also be involving students from all universities and feature Masters, PhD and other research from students. What makes this project so unique is the fact that it is a group project being run by many in the academic world instead of just one institution, as well as having the the Government’s full support.

“The ITS Division will continue to review opportunities to further increase Internet bandwidth whilst minimising cost, as part of its operational activities,” the department said in a statement. But the WSU says that this, while a good start, isn’t good enough. “Ultimately the WSU would like to see the internet free for all students,” Orgad said.

Jones says the project is “still in its early stages,” and it has taken three years for the idea to develop and around six months for the Hub to get up and running. He said the Hub was a long term project and expansions over the space of four years are expected to be huge.

Other tertiary institution’s internet prices Wintec Lincoln University Otago Unitec Victoria

free* free free ($38.50 per annum per student) free a wallet-gouging 10 cents per megabyte. What’s more, it doesn’t stop once it gets over the limit - so if you were watching YouTube, you could have, like, negative $50 by the time you’re done.

Climate Change Minister David Parker invites you to a PUBLIC MEETING on

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Email waikatohub.mps@xtra.co.nz or phone 852 5240 for more info

*Most student internet is “free” only in that students play a flat rate as part of their fees and don’t pay any more after that.

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Monday 23 July, 7.30 PM Te Whare Tapere

ISSUE 14 16 JULY 2007

MR SAFETY BIGGLESWORTH IN THE FIGHT AGAINST CRIME

“WAR ON STUPID” Hello, plebs. I’m looking out for you as always, roaming the campus (figuratively) on the lookout for criming of all kinds. Here’s a rundown of what happened in the holidays, and what’s happening on campus right now. For all those new to the campus, welcome. Here’s the number to call if you see anything suspicious: 838 4444. That gets you Campus Security. They’re pretty quick to respond. For more emergency emergencies, using 111 is also recommended. You can also get Security from a number of special telephone units scattered around campus.

language institute, and FASS. Ray describes it as a waste of money, because the Uni has to shell out on contractors and paint to fix up the adolescent scribblings. Here’s a story for you, fresh from Ray. “At the school of Ed some idiot went and graffitied a new wall, while the scaffolding was still up for the last repainting.”

Oh, good one. Graffitiing a wall that’s about to be painted? Idiots. I would be all in favour of graffiti if the taggers were actual artists, which they often claim to be. Mostly, this is bullshit. The kind of graffiti that’s currently decorating the university tends to be of Okay. According to Ray Hayward at Uni the “I brought a spraycan of paint, wrote Security, there’s been a major increase in “cock” and “crips” on the wall in shitty the in petty crime which is “a major pain ghetto style, huffed the rest, and then as spreading is campus on ti Graffi arse.” went home where I was beaten by my morons insist on informing the world what their misspelled ghetto names and favoured alcoholic uncle” variety. The good stuff, murals and genuinely awesome art like gang affiliations are. It’s apparently worst you can see at Wintec and a few other the is, ITS where corner bottom at the

places around town is way too rare. If you see anyone tagging around campus, do the world a favour and call security. These morons deserve having their arms broken, but a stern talking to and hopefully a vandalism charge will have to do. In further idiot news, there have been a few vehicles broken into, mostly at the halls of residence. My sympathies to those who’ve been hit. Your best bet is to take absolutely all your valuable stuff out of the car. That way, if you get broken into, at least you haven’t had to replace anything. Insurance, needless to say, is a very good idea. If you see anyone criming, please tell either security or the cops. Karma – and me – and everyone – will thank you for it. All my love,

orth

Mr Safety Bigglesw

Maharey next Massey VC? BY MATT RUSSELL - CHAFF Last week the New Zealand Herald revealed the possibility of Palmerston North MP and Cabinet Minister Steve Maharey retiring from Labour and instead succeeding Judith Kinnear as Massey University’s next Vice Chancellor. Rumours that Mr Maharey is interested in the job have been circulating Massey’s Palmerston

North campus for a number of months, but both Mr Maharey and Chancellor Nigel Gould had until now refused comment. In the Herald story, Maharey confirmed that he had been approached by the selection panel, but said he had not yet made a formal application. “I am not actively seeking anything”, he claimed. When asked by the Herald if he would be interested if the appointment panel asked

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him to apply for the job, Maharey employed the kind of language typically used by crafty politicians who want to quash currently circulating rumours, while leaving the possibility of a change of mind open for the future. “There isn’t anything there”, he said. “I can’t control the fact that people are hunting for a Vice Chancellor and that I might be a choice, but I haven’t been offered anything and I am not applying for anything.”

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Victoria Uni Students Association pisses all over conference Otherwise fine Laura McQuillian – Salient With reporting by Joshua Drummond

a formal dinner in a miniskirt and what she describes as an “amazing black faux-fur crop-top sleeveless vest”, with the words ‘safe space’ written on her stomach.

Theft, stripping and pissing were on the agenda when the VUWSA executive attended the New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA) conference in Christchurch during the mid-year break.

Wright says Barnard wrote the words on her stomach after heckling from other associations’ executives during her karaoke performance.

A ‘New Zealand Cricket Turf Maintenance Facility’ sign was stolen from the Lincoln cricket ground, which was signed by each exec member who attended the conference, and presented to a VUWSA staff member upon the exec’s return to Wellington. The conference was attended by students’ associations from around the country and included discussions on universal student allowances, quality in tertiary education, and building and maintaining relationships with students. President Geoff Hayward says he was unaware that he was signing stolen property, and believed it to be a large floor tile. He was unable to comment on why the exec would be giving the VUWSA staff member a floor tile. Lincoln University Students’ Association (LUSA) Vice President Brian Dunkley was making enquiries about the sign, and had no immediate comment. A ‘debt monster’ costume was also stolen from Otago Polytechnic Students’ Association (OPSA) by VUWSA Education Vice-President Joel Cosgrove. Cosgrove laughingly described to Salient how he wore the costume whilst hiding in a cupboard before the costume was later returned. OPSA President Richard Mitchell told Salient the matter has been resolved and declined to comment further. VUWSA Queer Rights Officer Rachael Wright raised eyebrows when she attended

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“Sehai [Orgad – President of Waikato Students’ Union] and one of the girls from OUSA [Otago University Students’ Association] started yelling at me that it was a safe space…and that I was being objectified, and all I’ve said about the matter really is that the point of having safe spaces is that women can express themselves how they want to without being objectified.” It is also alleged that Wright stripped in a Christchurch bar and urinated on a street in front of the exec, before Activities Officer Bernard-Bernard Galaxy licked her urine off the footpath, sources have told Salient. The exec also staged a walk-out at one point in the conference after Cosgrove was not given speaking rights to speak on a motion he had put forward, according to Environmental Officer Tushara Kodikara. Kodikara says the exec were also fed up with only being able to speak through two chief delegates – Hayward and Ngai Tauira Tumuaki Maryjane Waru - which meant they were continually caucusing to tell the chief delegates what to say. The exec changed their chief delegates several times in an attempt to get around this – as Hayward says, “exploit[ing] a standing order so as to allow people to speak.” Despite this, NZUSA Co-President Josh Clark says Cosgrove was granted speaking rights on numerous occasions throughout the conference, and says NZUSA’s main concern was that VUWSA were represented through their main delegates. Kodikara says it was the defeat of VUWSA’s motion that ‘NZUSA

ISSUE 14 16 JULY 2007

recognises the democratically elected government of Palestine[Hamas]’ which led to exec members walking out. “NZUSA doesn’t support democracy and doesn’t support caucusing,” says Kodikara. According to Barnard, the majority of the exec walked out, whilst she, Hayward and International Officer Genevieve Fontanier remained to hear the end of a motion. Fontanier and Barnard left shortly after, to find the rest of the executive outside eating the afternoon tea provided. Mike Heine, spokesman for Student Choice, the who promote voluntary student union membership, says he’s not surprised by the incidents at the conference. “We would expect nothing more from the current VUWSA executive who have been abusing their position all year.” Hayward told Salient that no action would be taken internally, but students should hold the exec accountable if they “feel aggrieved” by the behaviour of their representatives. Hayward says, “any specific issues were dealt with between exec members and associations, such as LUSA and NZUSA. I think it’s important that students know that every executive at VUWSA understands their responsibility to the students, but also we are responsible to ourselves.” Hayward says the conference was otherwise “incredibly constructive”. WSU Union Manager David West said he was “disappointed” to hear of VWUSA’s antics. “It’s disappointing that the good work done by the Waikato and other student association executives at such an important event as the NZUSA conference could be undermined by boorish and childish behaviour of a few,” he said. “Personally I would be very disappointed to hear a report like that about the behaviour of our own executive.”

OXFORD HISTORY OF NEW ZEALAND COMES TO WAIKATO One of the country’s leading historians has recently joined the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences as Professor of the History Department, and brings with her a major new project. Professor Giselle Byrnes, who recently spent six months as a Fulbright Scholar and Visiting Professor in New Zealand Studies at Georgetown University in Washington DC, is the General Editor of ‘The New Oxford History of New Zealand’. The 300,000 word volume, which has 28 chapters written by historians from throughout New Zealand, is due to be published by Oxford University Press in 2009. As well as editing the book, Professor Byrnes has established an Advisory Board of eminent historians. She is also contributing two 10,000-word chapters to the volume.

MAORI STUDENTS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS Twenty-six teams of Maori secondary school students have given up part of their school holidays to come to Waikato University. The 130-plus students have come from all over the central North Island to compete in the Waikato Management School Rangatahi Business Competition. Each team has been given a successful Maori business to study, but before meeting the CEOs had to attend lectures and weekend study sessions to learn business theory. This week the students are working on their written cases and practising for when they present their cases at a formal public event.

OKTA GOES TO EUROPE A concert by Okta, the University’s specialist contemporary music ensemble, is to be sent to the European Broadcasting Union by Radio New Zealand Concert. The concert was recorded live at the WEL Academy of Performing Arts in May 2006, and involved Timothy Deighton, a violist from

Pennsylvania, Carrie Koffman, a saxophonist from Boston, and Richard Nunns, a Nelsonbased specialist performer on traditional Maori instruments. Of key interest were two new pieces written for the event by Hamilton composers Martin Lodge and Michael Williams. ‘It’s brilliant exposure for New Zealand music, for the superb Gallagher Concert Chamber, for Hamilton city and for Waikato University,’ Martin Lodge says.

TEACHER LOOKS AT LANDSCAPES Secondary school teacher Simon Dench is taking time out of the classroom this year to work on a project which combines social history with geography. The University’s NZ Science, Mathematics and Technology Teacher Fellow is looking at Waikato landscapes and their representations. “I want to interpret people’s motives, their ideals and goals. I aim to look at changes people have made to the environment and connect that to the beliefs and values of the time.” He says the year will allow him to be refreshed and gain personal and professional development.

WAIKATO STUDENTS TO COMPETE IN BANGKOK GAMES Seven Waikato University students have been selected to represent New Zealand at the 24th World University Games in Bangkok, 8 – 18 August. The students, five of whom are Prime Minister or Hillary Scholars, will compete in athletics, women’s football, golf, judo and table tennis.

AMERICAN SCIENTIST GIVES SEMINAR ON SOIL BIODIVERSITY A visiting scientist from Colorado State University will give a seminar on her work at Waikato University next Monday. Dr Diana Wall is researching how soil biodiversity contributes to healthy, productive soils and

ISSUE 14 16 JULY 2007

thus to society, and the consequences of human activities on soil sustainability. Her work has taken her from the tropics to the Antarctic Dry Valleys. She also spoke at this week’s Antarctic Conference in Wellington.

FULL-TIME FOR FULBRIGHT How children can have greater say in what they do and how they learn in the classroom was the focus of a recent two week visit to the University of Illinois, as part of a Fulbright Travel Award for Waikato University Associate Professor Deborah Fraser. She also visited the Children’s Research Centre at the University primary school, where she was able to draw parallels with child-centred education and assessment in New Zealand.

RESTORATIVE JUSTICE IN THE CLASSROOM How restorative justice practices and philosophy work in schools is the focus of New Plymouth resident Roseina Balsom’s latest postgraduate research. The Masters in Education student will examine how restorative conferences can be used to strengthen relationships between teachers and students who are removed from classrooms due to behavioural problems. She says restorative justice principles offer a fresh way of thinking about school discipline.

GENDER STUDIES TO MAKE ITS MARK IN B SEMESTER The Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences has a new addition to its Women’s and Gender Studies department, Dr Rachel Simon-Kumar, who will be convening two new papers in the B semester. Dr Simon-Kumar, who worked in the New Zealand public sector for a number of years, teaches in areas of feminist political theory, and gender and development. The department reinstated its Graduate programme this year and the papers focus on contemporary gender issues, both within New Zealand and internationally.

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HAIKU NEWS BY DRUMMOND-SAN

Towns hit hard by the force of nature

Burned jogger learns iPod and thunderstorms don’t mix

Water, water, everywhere In Northland Bloody well just move Kaeo.

Out for some jogging Sadly, gets his listening Seared into his skin

Mayor of flood-hit Far North calls for greater RMA powers

Japan obsessed with money in men’s toilets

It’s not greater RMA powers Northland needs They need Transformers!

You know it’s true There’s yen in Japanese men’s loos, So here’s a haiku

Unemployed, students to be China bans chemical in recruited for flood clean-up effort toothpaste after recalls Students: just like unemployed Except we Have to pay benefits back.

Wondering why Your teeth have dissolved? Your toothpaste might be a solvent.

Shops asked to remove ‘racist’ Tintin book

National out to 14pt lead over Labour in latest poll

Well, this is fatuous Tintin’s Aryan dog Snowy Is clearly racist!

National’s leading in latest poll We know why John Key’s such a doll

Analysts argue over iPhone future Stop fighting over the iPhone! Just use all your money And buy one!

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ISSUE 14 16 JULY 2007

Send your letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz before next Tuesday will generally guarantee that they will be printed in the following issue. If you prefer snail mail, send letters to Lettuce, Nexus magazine, University of Waikato, Private bag 3059, Hamilton. Keep ‘em short and readable!

Letter of the Week Policies are Key

The rich, white, straight, middle-aged male exemplified by John Key continues to misunderstand what the ‘centre’ actually is. It is not made up of rich, white, straight, middle-aged men. It is made up of all different sorts of people whose only common feature is that their interests tend to be diametrically opposed to those of the rich, white, straight, middle-aged male.

Dear Nexus, It’s stunning that we have yet to hear John Key articulate any actual policy direction. How long has he been the leader of the National Party? Not only do he and his party have no policies, but he is also completely unable to respond appropriately to the very first question that your interviewer asked him: namely, “what is the difference between Labour and National in modern terms?”. Key’s answer, citing a State vs. Individual conflict, was straight out of the Dancing Cossack school of anti-socialist scare-mongering circa 1970. Does Key not have any advisors? Brash had loads (admittedly they were all ultimately self-interested and sold Don down the toilet to save their own skins). I’m sure the first thing they told Donny when he bribed his way to the leadership was that Labour has held the centre for donkey’s years via Anthony Giddens and the ‘Third Way’. But nobody seems to have told Mr. Key.

Amputee Rights Ignored

I would like to end my letter by directing Mr. Key to a small example of tax reform which Labour, not National, has produced, and which partially fulfils in actuality the aims (tax reduction and ‘growth’) which he can only vaguely wave his hands at: namely the reduction of tax earnt on qualifying investments by low-income earners. We have yet to see the National Party under John Key produce anything similar, and it is doubtful whether we actually will. Robert Stevenson Congrats Robert, you win a $20 Bennetts book voucher. Come claim it from the Nexus office.

His evident enthusiasm for Paul McCartney’s music pretty much sums the guy up. What the hell is he a doctor of, anyway?

retards that pass as “popular entertainment” these days did make a few good points! Of all the users of non renewable resources are aware, the stupider people are wasting more energy than the smarter ones. A classic example is of course Rugby. Thousands of people, flying all around the world, to sit in ridiculously over illuminated stadiums, to watch 30 grown men fight over a little oval ball. Then there is also the fact that most regional newspaper’s would be half the size if the coverage of Rugby games, players, players ‘antics’, players girlfriends ‘antics’, and giant full colour pictures of said antics were not splashed from front to back! I doubt that a rugby player could even read the paper, let alone know the effects of cutting down great forests to make the papers. Give them a ball each and they can stay at home to play with it during the day! That’s all I have to say about that

John Lennon fan.

Capt. Aircool Platini.

Dead Earth Definitely Preferred

p.s Will some one PLEASE shoot Paris Hilton, she is sucking my will to live.

Dear Nexus

p.p.s Mr Safety Bigglesworth for P.M

After watching as much of the ridiculous drivel that was passed as a concert, Live Earth, over the weekend, I started thinking. The half witted

Musings on Academia

Dear Ms Case, Wasn’t at all impressed by your so-called ‘letter of the week’ in Issue 13. Dr Swainson accuses the likes of Steve Maharey for “swearing at colleagues rather engaging in issues” yet indulges in the same kind of juvenile practice himself when choosing to insult Speaker Margaret Wilson instead of debating her policies. Furthermore, his denigration of fellow amputee Heather Mills insults battered women everywhere.

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

PH 07 856 6813

FAX 07 856 2255

ADDRESS Gate 5 Hillcrest Road ISSUE 14 16 JULY 2007

WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP

EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

Dear Editor There are evil things afoot in this university. Dirty, evil people are busy doing dirty, evil things. And what are you doing about it? Nothing. Here before you lies an opportunity to remedy all the wrongs in this place but you are too afraid of being sued and so you do nothing. In the meantime, young women are being exploited in hidden enclaves of the library and underground offices. When will someone take a stand?

disgusting odour of faecal matter ever to have hit my precious nostrils. Is this simply because the students are back and shitting all over the place again? I heard that a burst sewage pipe was the problem, and if so one would imagine that the university might have gotten round to fixing the issue. But, of course, they didn’t. And so we are once again overcome with the scent of shit. Welcome back to B Semester indeed. Sincerely, A. Smith

Concerned Christian.

At least in South Africa minority groups don’t have rights... Dear Mr Bigglesworth For many years i have been a martial arts instructor, now having turned to follow in my fathers footsteps i have turned to doing law, you article brought to light a very valid point here in hamilton city as a whole, about 5 weeks ago myself and my wife were stopped at some lights in te rapa by a group of youths in the car next to us because i was wearing a canteen branded bandana in support of a friend whom recently lost his struggle with cancer, the lead kid (and i use this term loosly) got out of his car and approached my wife (she was the driver) and hurled abuse at her threatening to kill her etc, after i got out and diffused the situation in a way that was approprate, (the guy suffered minor injuries) we continued on our way. i have lived all over the world as has my wife and never before not even in south africa have we had to deal with such crap from a child half our age, these jarheads are almost all well known to the NZ police but because of current restrictions nothing can be done until they actually commit half the crap they threaten to.... its not fair and yes they hunt in groups, in other countries if you had found someone inside your house you have the right to shoot (but not kill) over here you have the right to wait, not give chase (unless it is dark and the goods are worth more than $1000.00) and hope that the police think it is serious enough to do something about the matter, makes you think... this specific topic is one that i lecture at conferences for martial arts around the world and is one that comes easier as time goes on, these micro gangs dont know why they are fighting, and dont understand the reasons why things turn out the way they do, putting it simply they are in a gateway crime and it almost always leads to jail because of no direction or system for them to get the pathways straight! Jason Ogle-Gray head insructor XSDS NZ

Return of the Poo Smell Dear Nexus I was hanging around the university, rather like a bad smell, during the mid-semester break. So, seeing as it takes one to know one, I was interested to note that the poo smell which had permeated our pores during A semester was not present during this period. However, on the return of the students it seems that the poo smell has overcome us once again. Today I was walking past Oranga and was struck by the most WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

Citizens Advice Bureau Is she being underpaid? Jodie is 19 and has been working for 6 months at a takeaway bar. She is being paid $10.25 per hour but her friend who has just started at another place and does the same job gets $11.25 per hour. The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 11am – 2pm daily during semesters or phone 838 4466 extn. 6622 or 0800FORCAB. By the way, on 1 April 2007 the statutory minimum hourly wage rate (before tax) increased, and for adults aged 18 years and over it is now $11.25. By law, employers must pay at least the minimum wage - even if an employee is paid by commission or by piece rate. Minimum wages apply to all workers, including home workers, casuals, temporary and part-time workers even if they have not been included in employment agreements. The only exception is when an employee holds an exemption permit. Holiday pay must be paid in addition to the minimum wage. If an employee receives “pay-as-you-go” holiday pay, this payment must be a separate and identifiable part of their pay. An employee being paid less than the minimum wage should firstly talk to their employer. If this doesn’t resolve the problem they can ring the Employment Relations hotline to get information on what to do. Employees can also get help from a mediator (www.ers.govt.nz).

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JOKEY’S AND BRIT’S WEDDING DAY! HOW LONG WILL IT LAST?

JOKEY SPOTTED WITH A SASSY ANGELINA JOLIE AT A NATIONAL PARTY MEETING CONCERNING ADOPTING FOREIGN CHILDREN

Key’s Hot ! s n o i s s e Conf THE NEXUS PART TWO OF

EXCLUSIVE!

Do you think that if oil supplies were to peak in the next five years – some people believe they have peaked already – that we’ll see an impact on commodity prices, not to mention skyrocketing energy and production costs? There are some risks around oil prices. I’m not entirely convinced about peak oil, of course at some point the world will run out of oil. I’m a little bit more optimistic that we’ll find alternatives to that and we’re already starting to see, like, the hybrid car, the engines that run on oil... so the world has a great habit of being extremely innovative when it needs to be. When you consider that New Zealand’s not reliant on oil from an energy-production point of view, from New Zealand’s perspective it’s really an issue around petrol prices. I mean if that happens then the real risks of higher energy prices are higher levels of inflation, which might even push commodity prices up a bit more. What do you think the National Party needs to do in order to win the student vote in the 2008 elections?

that people who invest in their education receive, long-term, much higher levels of income. So my view would be that’s the right call for them to make. So we want them to believe, firstly one, that we’re going to, as a government, deliver greater opportunities for them to either earn good wages or to deliver a business that can do that. Secondly, in an environment where they feel it’s a nice place to live and a safe environment to live in, and a culture where we feel as though it’s a happy kind of country – I think that’s pretty important. Certainly, around some of those specific issues, we’ll be looking at student fees and those kind of issues. Do you feel that Don Brash’s approach to the Treaty of Waitangi issues as outlined in his Orewa speeches reflects the wider view of the National Party or has this changed under your leadership? Certainly the tone has completely changed and I think there was a period of time where the country felt that the pendulum had swung too far, and I think that’s why they responded so strongly to the speech he gave in 2004. I think, if you really look at the evidence, it’s hard to argue that Maori are overly privileged. In fact, our concern is that half of Maori boys leave school with no qualification. You know, if we could close the wage gap between Maori and Pakeha positively by lifting Maori wage rates then the country would be much, much wealthier. So, yeah, maybe the focus is slightly different. Why are you at Fieldays? Firstly, I opened it yesterday, so I was invited. Secondly, I’d have come anyway because it’s 130,000 over three and a half days and it’s obviously a natural constituency for National. But anyway, as the leader of the party every week I try to get to various parts of the country and get out and press the flesh. Are you having fun?

Well, fundamentally, provide a credible vision for where we want to take New Zealand. University students are, by definition, ambitious and they’re actually investing in their future. I personally think they’re making 100% the right decision. All of the academic evidence shows

I’m having great fun, how can you not have fun when you’re on the front page of the paper with the Waikato cheerleaders looking adoringly in my eyes - (pulls out copy of Waikato Times)

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– you can use this photo if you want.

then it all goes terribly wrong.

I think they’re the Suzuki cheerleaders... They’re the Suzuki cheerleaders but they hired them. They are in fact the Waikato Chiefs Cheerleaders as a general rule.

Did you get stuck in the traffic jams this morning?

So apart from the cheerleaders, or possibly including them, has anything interesting caught your eye so far? A lot of stuff. There’s a maximum amount of innovation and productivity here, creativity. Outside of commodity prices being very strong, the reason why farming’s been so successful over the last decade or so has been their ability to really capture productivity and drive productivity gains through the farm gate. It’s to be applauded.

Not today actually, because I was early, but last time I came I was in about a two hour traffic jam and considered a helicopter. But no, I was on time today, it was good. You’re not going to get yourself a motorcade? No, we’ll leave those for the Chinese premiers when they come to New Zealand. So are you going to stick around for the rugby?

Have you bought anything yet? I bought some chips. No, I bought chips and a coffee. It’s early days. Looking at life outside of the National Party, what would an investment

Have you bought anything yet?

I bought some chips. No, I bought chips and a coffee. It’s early days.

JOKEY HOLIDAYING WITH PARIS HILTON. SCANDALOUS!

No, unfortunately I’ve got to go back to Auckland tonight. I’m giving a couple of speeches in Hamilton this evening and then in Auckland tomorrow. I’ve got a major speech on Saturday night actually.

Hot Tractor: Slow

If Labour was Coca Cola™ , what soft drink would National be?

Student Loan: Expensive

Well, we’d be Lemon and Paeroa™, a good iconic Kiwi drink. Tastes great, unique.

David Bain: Guilty

If you could be any farm animal in any farming industry at all, which would you be?

Prime Minister: In waiting, hopefully.

I’d be a Belgian Blue cow, bull, because they’re big and they’re strong and they’re kind of attractive looking. And they live a long time to get that big so, you know, you wouldn’t want them to slaughter you too early. Definitely not an alpaca. Cute and lovely but they don’t taste that nice apparently.

National: Brilliant Nexus: Labour and the Greens Waikato: Farming

banker be doing at the Fieldays? Well there’s quite a few of them here! Again, we’re in the National Bank tent so the reality is that farms and agriculture work only when they have investment capital, so there’s a lot of bankers around here because they’re funding what is the cornerstone of our economy and the big export earner. So actually finance and funding go together hand in glove.

We’ve got some rapid-fire questions for you, so the way that this works is we’ll ask you to say the first thing that comes into your mind – be honest – when I read out a particular word. We’ll start now. Labour: Red

Students: Lucky

It usually takes about a year, once the farms slow down there’s no question that the rural and provincial towns slow down, which feeds through into Auckland and

Obesity: Too much

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NZ Dollar: Overvalued Nuclear-Free Policy: Staying

Cow: Jersey

I’ve heard that when the farmers do badly it’s kind of a forecast for the economy.

Hamilton: Go ahead

Tuckshops: Squeaky kind of toys (makes quacking noise) I said tuckshops, not duckshops: Oh, pies Duck-hunting: Limited time

Promo girls: ISSUE 14 16 JULY 2007

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With The Deadly Deaths and Cosmic Ska Child At the Bahama Hut, Wednesday 11th July 2007

PHOTOS BY PETRA JANE (WWW.PETRAJANE.COM)

BY JOSHUA DRUMMOND

WITH MATERIAL FROM RORY MCKINNON (IN UNISON)

he entire New Zealand media spectrum lit up recently with the announcement of new rules – Sessional Orders – that will govern how video footage of MPs in Parliament may be used by the media. Some of the changes are benign – for instance, there’s been a loosening up of the rules in some regards. But what’s got everyone buzzing is a clause that states: “coverage of proceedings must not be used in any medium for satire, ridicule or denigration.” This hit a collective nerve, with the TV networks and newspapers instantly rebelling, showing every “satirical” image of MPs both in and out of the House that they could lay their hands on. The TV networks recently issued a joint statement that they will, more or less, ignore the new rules, and the rest of the media has generally joined in. Kiwis, it seems, value their right to take the piss. The rule is supposedly to prevent unscrupulous journalists from discrediting politicians by taking their actions out of context, as frequently seen on programmes such as Nightline. However, what’s got the media worried is that there are no definitions for “satire,

ridicule or denigration”, allowing politicians to allege contempt at their discretion. This could prevent journalists from reporting actual misdemeanours, such as abuse or offensive gestures, or wilful non-participation, such as reading newspapers or magazines while the House is in session. All of the above are behaviours noted by members of the Press gallery and of interest to the voting public, but under the new laws footage of these activities cannot be published without fear of legal action. Such legal action could include a charge of contempt of Parliament, which is a serious charge that could mean jail time for offending journalists – or some poor sap who puts the wrong House video on You Tube. Now, it appears, the new rules are beginning

should media disobey them en masse. Venetia Sherson, WINTEC journalism tutor and editor of the Waikato Times from 1997 to 2003, said she didn’t think the rules will go ahead as they currently exist. “MPs are on a hiding to nothing,” she said. “Being able to show MPs warts and all is quite a good way of keeping them in check. If MPs are behaving, it’s something over which they have complete control, they should have nothing to worry about” She added that politicians frequently court media attention during campaigns – “Don Brash’s “walking the plank” comes to mind,” – in order to conjure up media attention of any kind, and then turn around and wail when they

“Being able to show MPs warts and all is quite a good way of keeping them in check.“ VENETIA SHERSON to be rejected, with the Greens voting against the satire clause and even the National party expressing discomfort over the rule’s likely unenforceable nature. Nexus spoke to a variety of people about the new rules, to find out just what they think about them. What was generally agreed was that the rules missed the point – that politicians misbehaving in the House require little outside effort to make them appear stupid – and that the rules will be largely unenforceable ISSUE 14 16 JULY 2007

are hit with “satirical” House coverage of them. “I think the debate about it has been good, the public have a right to see what’s been going on in Parliament,” Sherson said. “Not to mention MPs should be made of robust stuff, it’s the nature of their job.” Green MP and former Nexus editor Nandor Tanczos said that he didn’t think the rules would normally affect student magazines at all. “The new rules really only apply to TV, when WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

networks have cameras in the House – except at Question Time.” He said the new rules had been introduced because of changes to the way Parliamentary footage was being taken. “They’re introducing permanent TV cameras, I think they’ll be sound activated. They’ll actually provide more viewing options – who’s speaking and being spoken to, etc. More House images can be used than before. About the only way it could actually affect Nexus is if you wanted to use a still image from a live (video) feed,” he said. The Greens were the only party to oppose the satire clause, proposing to take it back to the Sessional Order Committee where the Sessional Orders that Parliament operates by are drafted. “We basically said that satire is an important part of New Zealand culture and the new rules are impossible to regulate,” Tanczos said. “Parliament’s got itself in a bit of a muddle. Say if you use a still from a TV feed – then you’re in trouble. But the way the rules are structured, you could theoretically take a photo of the same event from the press gallery and get away with it, as press photographers are governed by the old rules.” Nexus, although we’re unlikely to be directly affected by the new rules, is of the position that politicians are, by their nature, very, very silly. It’s not “satire” to catch an MP in the act of misbehaving in the House. But it is necessary WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

denigration” of its MPs then perhaps they could start by banning stupidity, laziness and sheer unattractiveness in Parliament... that would go a long way towards their goal. for the electorate to know well how their House of Representatives is functioning. Here’s what some Nexus contributors think about the whole thing: Blair Nicholson: Pretty bloody ridiculous, although I understand where they’re coming from, I don’t like it when people point out that I’m being a useless dickhead and not doing my job properly either. Nick Maarhuis: So much for freedom of speech... Do we live in the north island of NZ, or North Korea? Richard Swainson: I don’t want anybody representing me in Parliament who doesn’t have the capacity to laugh at themselves. Satire is as old as democracy itself. Older, in fact. It’s more than a safety valve or alternative to violent protest, it is a fundamental form of freedom of expression. The new legislation is the best argument I can think of for having such freedoms safe-guarded in a written constitution. That way self-serving, overly sensitive politicians cannot tamper with what should be enshrined as our inalienable rights. Leah Graham: If the New Zealand government wants to prevent the “satire, ridicule or ISSUE 14 16 JULY 2007

Gian Perrone: Satire is important for small publications. Satire is one of the only ways that a (relatively powerless) citizen can hold his government to task. Joseph Ross: To be a Member of Parliament, you have to have a thick skin because of all the backstabbing involved in the role. Yet, when media (justly) poke fun at them, they are incredibly thin-skinned. Seems like double-standards to me. Cyril: Damn, now I can’t talk about how much Donna Awatere Huata likes my new recipe. Petra Jane: This is the thin end of the wedge. If today it’s satire, how long until legitimate criticism is outlawed altogether? Andrew Neal: Using humour to acknowledge and subvert the shortfallings and often outlandish actions of the state to avoid total despair when observing political action. Vitamin C: It’s not such a big deal if you think about it; only footage from the parliamentary chambers is banned, so they can still show footage of Pete Hodgson dancing like he’s on acid or whatever. If they want to restrict satirical criticism then the media will just have to be more direct. Works for me.

Ground floor, Student Union Building, University of Waikato, Gate One, Knighton Road, Hamilton Mon-Fri: 8:30AM – 4:30 PM www.wsu.org.nz

Phone: 07 856 9139 Fax: 07 856 3161

Event Re-Cap It’s Tuesday as I am writing this so Re-orientation is only just getting started. It began with a bang last night down at the Don Llewellyn’s, where the pub quiz took place. The Don’s was packed, a mad rush ensued to find enough chairs for participants, and any available flat space, including the pool tables, was used for writing purposes. It was clear to see that everyone had fun, as tough questions were asked and random games played. One memorable moment occurred during the water balloon game in which one participant, (as can be expected in reorientation) decided to strip and show off his poor imitation of crumping.

Re-O week still rocks through windy and crazy weather! Even through the rain, mud and wind, Re-orientation was still a load of laughs, great music and fabulous gigs. Monday night saw a packed out Don Llewellyn’s bar for the Extreme Quiz night which had its share of crazy antics…yeah…what was with that guy, the water balloons and getting naked? The WSU team, although looking exceptionally sharp in the first couple of rounds, was placed third after really losing it in the Geography and Childs-play rounds…hmm. Although the weather seemed to cave in on us on Tuesday, the WSU still managed to hold a reasonably successful market day along with getting you fullas on the electoral role. Clubs day rocked yet again, with all the WSU affiliated clubs displaying their wares, and creating an exciting environment down at the village green. I am writing this on a Wednesday, so I am assuming that the Black Seeds went off, that the comedy night was another classic night out, and that all students at the University lived happily ever after. One other MAJOR event that took place over the past week was the official Powhiri held to welcome the newly appointed Chancellor to the University, Jim Bolger. The Powhiri was incredibly special as King Tuheitia also attended, adding to the unique experience and tradition at the University of Waikato. Sehai Orgad PRESIDENT president@wsu.org.nz

Our Environmental Officers proved what they are made of, leading their team to a first place win. The official WSU team came in an admirable third, losing to the second place team by only one point and missing out on winning the bar tab. Oh the hardship! With still three more days to go, the WSU reorientation is in full swing. Watch out in next weeks Nexus for a recap of the highlights of the rest of the week. Olivia CAMPAIGNS OFFICER campaigns@wsu.org.nz

Upcoming Events If you missed Uni-games this year don’t worry as we will be taking registrations for Uni-Games 08 on Wednesday 18th July during Cultural hour 1-2pm in Guru’s So come on if you have no “GAME” like the WSU Sport & Recreation Officer sign up to use what you are learning at Uni to be a sports manager. The Student Ball has been re-scheduled to Saturday, August 4th and will be held at The Station. Grab your tickets now and get ready for THE formal student event of the year! Live bands, DJs, performances, complimentary drinks and food, tickets cost $75 and the night’s theme will be 1920s swing. Grab your beau, moonshine, spats and get ready to dance your night away!

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Interesting News The Student Ball is on Saturday 4th August - it’s a 1920’s theme, whose favourite gangsta? Are ya gonna pack some moonshine? How about the snuff box? But before that, you may like to take the opportunity to check out New Zealand’s very own Cirque Du Brut. Featuring Sinate, Metal Tower and Blacktooth, not to mention the freak shows. I’m gonna pay $15 just to see the freaks! But a fiver for each band is great value. I am submitting to Environment Waikato a request for a student rate to apply to busses, not so much a discount as a more realistic transfer – two hours doesn’t cut it, I’ll be requesting five. Check out the minutes of the WSU Executive meetings, get involved, or better still, start or join a club. All ya need is 15 like-minded individuals with a common interest. There are all sorts, and all sorts of opportunities for you to get YOUR student union working for you. Jeff Hawkes DISABILITIES OFFICER disablilites@wsu.org.nz

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Clubs Well Sport & (W)Rec is back and of course you were all having too much fun on holiday to miss me. Affiliated clubs, look out, because I’ll be dropping in to visit more of you this semester. You will have to forgive any bad England, grammar this blurb as I am attempting to two finger speed type. So what’s up in my little world? Firstly we are starting to sort things out for Uni-games 2008. This will require all you people out there who want to attend letting us know - to do this we are holding a registration day on Wednesday 18th July in Guru’s during cultural hour. No classes, no excuses. There are two bids in for hosting, from Auckland and Rotorua; that’s close enough to home for us to REPRESENT!

New Look WSU Website WSU has a new and improved website... Check out www.wsu.org.nz The website has information about the union and its services as well as events and activities and clubs and societies. On the website you will find info on the student ball, a stunning picture of our events manager James Elmo Harnett, entry forms for the trolley derby, advocacy service and scholarship information, super attractive profiles of your 2007 WSU executive and much, much more.

So come and put your name and sport down so that we can let you know What, How, When etc… Glen SPORTS & RECREATION OFFICER sport@wsu.org.nz

The unofficial recap of NZUSA Conference from Sport & (W)Rec Last week we all saw the official version of how we represented in Lincoln. For those of you who have never ventured to the mainland, it’s just out of Christchurch. For those who claim the North is the mainland I say Te Ika-A-Maui - see, I did learn something at the Maori Hui. For those poor international students who struggle with my English blurbs, Te Ika-A-Maui translates to the fish of Maui (who is a Maori Demi-god who fished up the North Island from his Waka (canoe) - the South Island or Mainland). Back to the conference and our representation in regards to what we wore - we put some of those other delegates to shame. I mean we actually have an executive that can colour co-ordinate. I will use myself as the classic example: when I wore my jandals I

made sure that they matched my tshirt and shorts or I went bare feet, as my feet pretty much match what ever I’m wearing. So that pretty much wraps up what I did in Lincoln for the NZUSA conference...yeah right - if you believe that, I believe that you’ve had one Tui too many. It was a wonderful opportunity to network and discuss with other Universities and Tertiary providers, to find out what and how they help out their students in regards to Sports and Recreational Clubs. Any offence that this article has caused was unintentional and you will get over it.

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If you would like to advertise a notice here then email it to nexus@waikato. ac.nz. Keep it roughly around 100 words and send it in before Tuesday 5PM for next week’s issue. We will fit in as many notices as we can! Look out for the Nexus online notices, where you’ll be able to submit, view and reply to notices via the magical wondry of the interweb!

Accomodation Female flatmate wanted: sunny double room in a 3 bedroom house, to share with two other females in early 20s. Cost $114 per week including power and phone. Nice big deck and backyard and a really cool recently renovated house. Contact Michelle on 027 203 6020. Female Flatmate wanted: to share with two girls and one guy (aged 20-22), nice newish alarmed house, 5 min walk to uni, off street parking. Rent $90 p/w + exp. Available now. Phone or text Lee on 0211306963 for more info. Flatmate wanted: 1 flatmate wanted to live with a guy and 2 girls (3rd years). Big modern house with big bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. 20-30 min walk to uni. Broadband. $87.50 pw not including food. No drinkers please. Available now. Phone 0273197157 or email pb36@waikato.ac.nz Flatmate wanted: to share 4 bdrm house with 3 awesome girls! Large, spacious and sunny room available in Hillcrest area. Only 10 min walk to uni. Dairy, bakery, liquor store all only 30

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secs down the road. Heaps of off street parking. $120 per week, which includes some food (4 dinners - each cook once a week + basics), power, phone and broadband. Room available now. Please ring/text Ariane on 0273585830 or 856 6933.

1500cc great on gas, 147000km, Automatic call or txt 0211117444

Flatmate Wanted: To flat with 2 girls and a guy, all students. Tidy house, 1 min walk to uni. Rent $100 p/w incl. phone, power and broadband. Ring or txt (027)4244248

Student Groups and Meetings

Flatmate wanted: 2 easygoing flatmate wanted to share with 1 female uni student and 3 working males. 6 Bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and off street parking. 10 mins walk to uni. $100 per week includes sky, wireless broadband, power, phone and rent. $300 bond required. Txt Laura 0273717391 or phone 07 8566746

Peugeot 405gr for sale: 1989, 1.9l manual, current WOF & rego, power steering, electric windows, central locking, $950 ono. Call/txt Sam 021 1309553.

Dance classes during B semester: Monday 910.30am dance warm up classes in the Academy Dance Studio. All welcome. Thursday 9-10.30am Contemporary dance technique classes in the Academy Dance Studio. Some Wednesday 1-2pm

workshops coming soon. Please arrive 5 minutes before class and wear loose comfortable clothes and bare feet. To participate, join Unity Dance Co (student dance club). Inquiries to class teachers before class. Parent Support Group on Campus: Would you find it useful to meet with other students who are parents here at the University of Waikato? A new group has started, meeting Wednesdays 1-2pm in the Mature Students Room (in the cowshed near the dairy, Studylink and Citizen’s Advice Bureau). Facilitated by Bethwyn Littler, Student Counselling Services.

For Sale Fridge freezer: Slimline, Fisher & Paykel, $50, avg. condition. Ph or TXT 027 323 0168 1997 Mitsubishi Mirage VIE extra for sale $3999, WOF REG, Twin airbag, ABS, A/C, central locking. Electricc windows,

ISSUE 14 16 JULY 2007

HELLO! Crossword hard last week. Crossword was for ninja people, sorry to make so hard for normal people. Ninja dookie do easier one, but don’t be to fooled!

WORDFIND

LIES RIDICULE PARLIAMENT RULES POLITICIANS SATIRE PRESS SMOKESCREEN PRINT STANDARDS

ISSUE 13 SOLUTION: Across: 5. timely, 7. clematis, 9. detonate, 10. in toto, 11. tourist class, 13. pliers, 15. equity, 18. danish pastry, 21. summit, 22. allergic, 23. outburst, 24. papaya. Down: 1. recourse, 2. bypass, 3. delicate, 4. mantis, 6. ice lolly, 7. coerce, 8. iota, 12. eternity, 14. sanitary, 16. unstraps, 17. aslant, 18. demobs, 19. polyps, 20. guru.

CROSSWORD Across 8. Ace up one’s ______ (6) 9. Goes before (8) 10. Church head (8) 11. Participant (6) 12. Invested concern (6) 13. Type of sample (8) 14. Disease (7) 16. Study subject (7) 20. Appraisal (8) 23. Slight (6) 25. Creators (6) 26. Unproven ideas (8) 27. Bureaucrat (8) 28. Implications (6) Down 1. High region (8) 2. Overdue (6) 3. This is a small example of one (8) 4. Subdue (7) 5. Populace (6) 6. Family member (8) 7. Harsh (6) 15. Quivered (8) 17. Ace tests (anagram) (8) 18. Educational institutions (8) 19. Mailed communications (7) 21. Dark figure (6) 22. Not present (6) 24. Arrives with force (6)

STUPID TELEVISION

What’s the difference between Jesus and Porky Pig? No difference: Ninja will slice both heads off.

EMAIL:

Be first to bring you completed wordfind to Nexus! Win free DVD rental from Auteur House (555 Victoria St). It very good! NAME:

V P R I N T D U J R S P E Z S W E D W Q I L E S N I K V L D J E F A P D R D A H E P A S R D P F U Z I A I S T L U T M A C S T G T E C R A E G K E O D P S C A H I O R G H N R L K N L O S K T S G I A M M U E E A M V C I N I S B S L C L V S T R I L E N L L P M U O E I C S D O C E A E L E R B S S S R R P B D T D O L S K E E J I E W Y U I G L I E S C G S J O E T G O Y I N D M B D K E S N N N N K E P A R L I A M E N T Q N J U Z R I D I C U L E J N K L

CENSORSHIP DENIGRATE DICKHEADS LAUGHABLE LEGISLATION

Pie is ninja dookies favourite food treat!

SUDOKU

Ninja dookie run out of thing to say so will give you picture:

ISSUE 14 16 JULY 2007

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BY BLAIR THIS WEEK:

A US rancher was so appalled to be served warm beer in an American Legion Club that he returned armed with two rifles and took customers hostage. The crisis was not resolved for nine hours, during which a police officer was killed. In 1980, a robber walked into a Liverpool jeweller’s shop brandishing a weapon and announcing a stick up. Nobody took him seriously because they recognised the weapon as a popgun due to the bright red plastic cork the man had forgotten to remove from the muzzle. Muggers who attacked Conley Holbrook in North Carolina in 1983 thought they had got away with their crime. They beat him unconscious and left him for dead. But eight years later he woke up and told the police who did it. In April 1986, a British Court acquitted a man charged with the murder of his wife - on the grounds that he had done the deed while dreaming. In his dream he was being chased by two soldiers and there was a violent struggle, and when he woke up he discovered he had throttled his wife.

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Crimes

Last year, a Quebec City physics teacher was discovered operating an escort service involving some of his students. An 18-year-old Kansas idiot was arrested last month for shooting his friend in the leg on a dare. He was charged with aggravated battery. Both men were stoned at the time. In November 2006, a thief broke into a French home and stole a television. He was caught when neighbours spotted him breaking into the house a second time, while the homeowner was at the police station reporting the first break-in, because he’d forgotten to steal the TV’s remote. Jazrahel King arrived at a used car dealership in Connecticut this year with a Jeep stolen from the same location a month earlier, complete with the dealer’s temporary plates and ownership documents.

ISSUE 14 16 JULY 2007

And who can forget the Napier woman who called the police after her marijuana plants were stolen.

There is no more embarrassing sight than that of a few hundred natives, dressed as if in a bad parody of HRM’s army, marching off to defend the realm against some other bunch of equally savage brutes. Some of the forces which the Empire calls upon to suppress rebellions come from lands where the locals hardly have two bananas to rub together, let alone two machine guns. Far be it for me to deplore the death of a few coloured folks in vaguely glorious combat; however, when they die under the banner of the greatest Empire the world has ever seen, it brings that Empire into disrepute. Better that a whole regiment of Her Majesty’s finest grenadiers is torn limb from limb under a tattered but still bravely fluttering Union Jack, than even a single foreigner suffers a minor injury under the flag of a colony.

The Beer-maids are coming

Yeah right – No, really!

First they made your beer. Then, they paid a visit to your local. Now, the Tui Brewery Girls could well be prancing around your flat enthusiastically administering lashings of free beer and other less essential stuff like clothes. It’s the Tui Beer Run! But it’s not all smoking babes and free brewskis. The Tui Brewery Girls don’t come cheap. First you have to demonstrate your commitment to the cause by Tuifying1 your flat. We’re thinking 50 litres of orange paint, twin replica Mangatainoka Towers in the backyard, 50 foot flagpoles flying the Tui flag, nothing too serious or compicated... The Tui Beer Run hits student centres from July 16. The Tui Brewery Girls have hijacked a few old milk trucks, decked them out orange, filled them with Tui crates and mounted sound on the roofs.

To make sure your address is on the list, you need to register. From July 1st, text2 Tui to 3550 or go to www.tuibeerrun.co.nz to register. Once you do that, you’re in the draw to receive a visit from the Tui Brewery girls. So start Tuifying your flat now because the more orange they are the more stoked the TUi Brewery Girls will be. Visit www.tuibeerrun. co.nz or listen to The Rock for more information. Nexus has a bunch of cool Tui t-shirts and a hoody to give away! Email your name, contact details and what size shirt you take to nexus@waikato.ac.nz to go into the draw. Winners will be notified by email. 1 Tuifying: (Too-ee-fy-ing) To render your flat unrecognisable from its original form through the liberal use of Tui paraphernalia and help from Tui-quaffing flatmates. 2 Texts cost 50 cents. You must be over 18 to enter.

The reason is simple: we colonised the brutes, demonstrating in the process that our armed forces were superior to theirs. What need have we for cannon-fodder? The mutineering ambitions of those murderous darkies need to be put down by a strong, honest band of bonny Scots or a gallant, brave gang of Englishmen – or even a quiet, bookish clan of Welshmen (but let’s leave the poorly-hung Irish alone) – rather than a smelly, ragged semi-literate gaggle of Fijians or Canadians. And to think that we are giving out medals to these thugs! If the colonial ‘governments’ are far enough along the moron spectrum (a real spectrum, I assure you – I learnt of it upon the birth of my second cousin, the third Duke of Worsteshiresauce, who was the only child of my first cousin and his dear sister) to send their menfolk into battle simply because we decree it, doesn’t that prove the point that their lives are not worth sacrificing upon the glorious altar of the Empire’s struggles against seccession? In particular, that loathsome convict John Howard from Australia has been horrendously keen to prove his subservience; but consequently I don’t know a peer who doesn’t feel even more revulsion than before every time his stupidly grinning little face comes into view. The only colonial leader I have any respect for is Helen Clark, and not simply because she has often bent me over and given me a sailor’s; but also because she has had the gumption to pretend to her colonial subjects that her government is neutral while sending her natives to do our bidding in Afganistan. And, I must admit, those Maori fellows can kill the Arabian almost as well as they can sneak up on women in car parks and pleasure them sans consent – i.e, almost as well as the Englishman!

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Bogan Singstar Now don’t tell my supervisors, but I’ve been playing a lot of Playstation lately. I have to say, besides the cool soundtracks in some of those Grand Theft Auto games, there’s a distinct lack of Metal representation in Playstation games. Now a GTA with a Bogan guy would be awesome, I’m just about to play that one that’s based on a school… if they could do that, surely they could do a Metal one. It could be like that old Beavis and Butthead Megadrive game where the whole goal was to get GWAR tickets or something. Which got me thinking, what would a Metal Singstar be like? Considering the number of Bogans you see at Metal gigs giving their best Metal roar, it’d be popular. I’ve got this funny image of some hardcore Bogan dude singing into one of those cheesy microphones to Napalm Death. And all those bar notes that measure how well you’re doing would all be way down the bottom ‘cos they’d be so low. Some 12 year old girl buys it (perhaps a member of the Horse Appreciation Society?) because she has to have all of them (‘cos we all know that’s the only kind of person who plays these games, right? Right?) Next minute she’s blasted by Cannibal Corpse or Morbid Angel. I’ve thought about the songs I’d most like to see on a Bogan Singstar; my list contains a few in-jokes so apologies to non-Bogans but you’ll get the general gist:

IllDisposed — Intellargent It basically consists of one riff with the odd grunt for about four minutes… no that’s not every Metal song!

GWAR — Sex Cow Imagine yelling SEX COW….AROOOOO at a party!

Pantera — Cemetary Gates Purely to sort the girls from the boys with that real high falsetto part at the end

It is obvious that Team New Zealand has improved a long way from where they were in 2003, when Alinghi beat them 5-0. Four years down the track, Alinghi has again beaten Team NZ, this time 5-2. To the untrained ALINGHI WINS (PIC: AMERICASCUP.COM) eye, it would seem that Team NZ were once more comprehensively beaten but those who followed the series closely would argue that it was a lot closer than it sounds. While there is a lot of skill involved in sailing, it is a sport that requires a lot of luck. Team NZ had the skill to put Alinghi under immense pressure at times. The problem was Alinghi seemingly held Lady Luck hostage. The result of yacht races is frequently determined by wind shifts. While all professional syndicates have weather forecasters as part of the team so they can get in a position to take advantage, sometimes wind can do funny things no-one can predict. Recall Race 7, when the wind died at the finish line, meaning a race which Alinghi seemed to have in the bag was only decided by a solitary second. If Team NZ did not have to take a penalty turn they would have won. One could also cite race five as an example of Team NZ being deprived of luck. This, of course, is when the gennaker ripped. The rip happened in a place which is under high load, so the gennaker completely tore in two before it could be hauled in and replaced. If the rip was in a position with a smaller load, it would have lasted long enough for the situation to be rectified. As I write this, rumours are rife that most of the Kiwi contingent aboard Alinghi (Russell Coutts, Brad Butterworth, etc.) will again jump ship, this time to Oracle, who only made the Louis Vuitton Cup semifinals but will be much more competitive next time around.

DIC — Killing Spree at the IRD Chunky Meaty Human Bits or I Fed Your Baby to my Doberman - cause the songs rock and would also be really funny… actually what about just a DIC Singstar?

Brujeria — Marijuana Imagine a version of the Macarena, only about Marijuana, sung entirely in Spanish. Then picture the utter chaos of a group of drunken people trying to sing it… actually that was last clubs day at the Metal table. So you get my point. But of course all this is arbitrary because we all know Metallers wouldn’t go in for something as commercial and silly as a Metal Singstar. Right?

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During the break, people who stayed up late to watch the Americas Cup in Valencia were rewarded with some classic sporting drama, even though the result was not what most New Zealanders were hoping for.

Whilst the details for the next cup are not finalised, it is likely that it will take place in Valencia mid-2009. It is also suggested that the next Americas Cup will involve 27.5 m long yachts instead of the 24 m yachts used in the one just gone, and extra on-board crew.

ISSUE 14 16 JULY 2007

Dear Agony Art I just walked in on my best friend fucking my girlfriend. I ran away and I’m not sure they even noticed me there. What’s my best course of action? Basil Rathbone Dear Basil Well, for starters, both your ‘girlfriend’ and your ‘best’ friend are the scum of the earth. Ignore them. Don’t talk to them ever again. Tell everyone what you saw and how much it hurt it. Ruin their lives every which way you can. They are the lowest forms of life you can imagine. Pretty much, they have stabbed you in the back harder than anyone ever could and they have relinquished pretty much all of your rights to anything to do with you. Cross them off your list of people you know, cross them off your list of people you acknowledge on the street; they no longer exist. They had absolutely no respect for you, so why should you have any for them. They aren’t even people anymore my friend and that means that they no longer have any right to anything. The laws of New Zealand don’t even apply to them anymore. I’m sure a jury would find you innocent of mostly any crime you committed upon them. And, like I’ve said before, murder is fifteen years tops in this great nation of ours. Less, because they’re scum and deserve nothing. Lots of love Agony Art Dear Agony Art Which accent is the hottest? I need a new boyfriend and I’m sick of eye candy. I need ear candy! Humpalot Dear Humpalot Everyone likes different accents. Some of my friends think that South African accents are revolting, while I find them to be the best and most attractive to the ears. Most Eastern European accents are excellent, such as Rumanian and Latvian. The only problem there is finding someone moderately attractive from those countries. Watching European porn is a good way to find an accent you would enjoy in bed, as European porn features a multitude of accents. Watching European porn will definitely put you off English accents though. No one wants to see the cast of Coronation Street getting up to no good now do they? No, didn’t think so. Apparently New Zealand accents are very popular overseas, as one of my friends found out in Brazil. Right before he got syphilis and died that is. Maybe you’re best off with a New Zealand accent in that case? It’s common and it’s everywhere, but hey, at the end of the day you won’t have to worry about getting syphilis and dying. Unless you go to the Halls of Residence in the weekend. All my hugs (plus a bit of my groping) Agony Art

xLAN was awesome. There is something about sleep deprivation and trying to manage a network for 700 people who are all yelling at you that really makes you feel good inside. Especially when you’re on the main WCG stage dancing to Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger (go sub YouTube for a laugh at me). That was probably the most fun and embarrassing thing I’ve ever done at 2am. If you’re a n00b gamer and have never been to xLAN, I strongly recommend that you go next year. With all the gaming going on and all the really interesting people you’ll meet, it will be the best weekend you’ll ever spend in Auckland. Everything except the last few hours was awesome. Thanks to the wonders of a flat-head screwdriver, my car was broken into, and someone stole a clear plastic bag of clothes, as well as my backpack - mostly filled with clothes, but also my spare hard drive, phone charger and 8 cans of V (that must have kept him/her running, lol). If you’ve ever been stolen from, you know exactly how I felt. The items can be replaced, but it’s knowing that someone out there has my used underwear that makes me think I’ll probably never leave my things in the car again. Thankfully I was the only one who had their car broken into, everyone else was smart enough not to leave their towels in their cars. And now I segue into the technological point of my story. You would think that you would be reasonably safe on the internet, after all, no one would want to steal something worthless to everyone but you. But, unfortunately, virus writers keep coming up with new ways to infect as many systems as possible, spyware makers collect as much information as they can get their hands on, and identity thieves go to great lengths to make your life hell for a few measly dollars. It all seems like it could never happen to you, but it happens and it sucks when it does. Take time to protect your computer and your online presence. A few rotten apples can spoil the whole barrel. I guess all we can do is keep dancing.

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an unmarried Catholic, she is obviously a great example of bath water conception. Learn from her mistakes. Is Wellington a hot bed for prostitution and skanks? Yes. Haven’t you ever visited Parliament? That place is downright dirty. And of course there’s that amazing strip bar, Licks. What a name. And you can stand outside Valve having a cigarette, look across the street and see the girls through the windows, gyrating on poles. Oh hold on, maybe that’s Parliament again?

Is it ethical for a lecturer to sleep with his students? Don’t count on it. But if the rumours in this university are to be believed, then the lecturer would probably be the best judge of that... Will Family Guy ever not be funny to stoned English students? My sources say no. Let me guess. You’re a stoned English student? Is there any other kind of English student? I’ve known a few in my time and they were all as blazed as Paris Hilton for their entire academic tenure. How they managed to do all that reading and writing is a bit beyond the rest of us, but somehow English students manage it. Anyway, Family Guy, yes, will always be funny to dipshits like you. Hey, did you know you’re gonna end up teaching in a public secondary school and totally hating your life? Can you get pregnant from bath water? It is decidedly so. You may have noticed the editor of Nexus wandering around with a bit of a waddle lately. As she’s

Did Paris Hilton really find God in prison? Without a doubt. Paris had her first experience of a Christian god while in prison. But this wasn’t her first taste of spirituality. Because she is perpetually wasted, Paris had actually had some close contact with Jah prior to her incarceration. Will John Key take legal action for the pictures you had in last weeks issue? Very doubtful. But you might find he gets a little litigious after he sees this week’s headline... Will President Sehai marry me? Outlook not so good. Do I really need to explain all the reasons why Sehai isn’t interested? Do you think you can just cruise around, sleeping with all these different girls, and then one day turn around and marry President Sehai? You’re dreaming, buddy.

THE PUBLIC IN “Shit that actually happens”

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ISSUE 14 16 JULY 2007

By Vitamin C

EXCLUSIVE TO THE BALCONY - CENTREPLACE HAMILTON

IT’S MORE THAN A MOVIE IT’S A WAY OF LIFE

“A rollercoAster ride.” “exciting... An intense inside view of the notorious surf gAng.” - Waves Magazine

- Filmink

(((( “riveting.” “A Must-see filM in 2007.”

- Magaret Pomeranz, At The Movies, ABC TV

- Tom Findlay, Zoo Weekly

(R16 violence/offensive language)

NOW SHOWING www.rialto.co.nz 32

BY NICKI NEWCOMBE Have you ever wanted to make a film and have it shown on a big screen in Hamilton and around the world? This is your chance. The second annual Underground Film Festival invites entries from anyone in Hamilton, “especially people who haven’t made a film before” says organiser Emit Snake-Beings. The Underground Film Festival is about showing that absolutely anyone can make a film, celebrating what Snake-Beings calls the “low-fi ethic”. Lack of equipment, money and expertise is no barrier to putting a creative idea on screen. There will be categories for experimental, animation, super eight, mobile phone films and ‘other’. The phone film category is important to Snake-Beings because “lack of equipment shouldn’t be an obstacle to creativity”. He wants potential film makers to use whatever they have to channel their ideas. All entries will be compiled into a DVD and sent to film festivals as far as America and the Czech Republic as well as being on sale to the public. A selection of short international films will be shown in Hamilton as part of the exchange. Snake-Beings has been making films for 20 years, since he first decided that television was too boring. He likes the “freedom you get from making low budget films” and values “originality over technical greatness”. His latest film called Plastic was shot on a handicam over two nights with fellow film maker Dave Mike. “We just walked around Hamilton armed with a camera and hundreds of plastic bags” says Snake-Beings. Scenes were superimposed using Snake-Beings’ home computer and the sound track was recorded on a dictaphone. The whole film cost less than ten dollars to produce and used found materials, found locations and natural light sources. Snake-Beings says “a lot of [Plastic] is just made up”. He “always works with what is around” and uses whatever equipment he can find. Over 40 people were turned away from last year’s festival because of overcrowding. Snake-Beings was “amazed with the response” so this year there will be three showings. The venues will be the Waikato Museum, Sabbath and Auteur House. Snake-Beings invites anyone who wants to see what is possible on a really low budget, or would like the opportunity to network with Hamilton film makers, to head along to the festival in September. There are still places left on screen. Go to www. huff07.info for details on where to send your DVD or file of five minutes or less. Entries for anything “from highly polished professional films to very low fi experimental chaos” close on the first of August.

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The Wind That Shakes the Barley

DIRECTOR: Ken Loach STARRING: Cillian Murphy, Orla Fitzgerald, Padraic Delaney REVIEWED BY ART ROBINSON As a mid-20s male I haven’t seen a movie which has made me cry for quite a long time. The last movie I cried in was…… The Land Before Time and I was four. I was so upset about Littlefoots mother dying that I got a whole lot of Lego after the film. Therefore, The Wind That Shakes the Barley was a surprise for me. I cried three times during the film, once before the half way point. This is a film about the Irish struggle for independence and then for stable government in the years directly after the First World War. Two brothers start as guerrillas for the Irish Republican Army and cause all sorts of problems for the British who (going by the movies content) are being pretty rough to the Irish. All sorts of scenes where English soldiers are beating up people and hassling old ladies feature in this film, the most horrific of which features a farm house being burnt down while a pretty young woman has her hair roughly cut, leaving her with gruesome gashes on her scalp. I felt it

Rise Against GENERATION LOST

was maybe a little anti-English as far as films go, even if the director (Ken Loach) is English himself. An English person will probably not enjoy watching this film. One must realise however that the film is told from the Irish point of view and is thus not terribly interested in displaying the dirty deeds performed by the IRA in the name of freedom. As the saying goes: “One mans terrorist is another’s freedom fighter”. Ireland eventually gains its independence, but soon finds itself in civil war as two factions vie for control of the newly formed government. The brothers are now on opposite sides of the struggle, both believing themselves to be in the right and both hoping the other will come over to their side. Despite a beautiful and successful film (it won Best Picture at Cannes last year) the special features on the DVD consist of some trailers and a few four minute interviews. Not very impressive considering the historical depth of the film itself.

shit” and he could replace any of them in a heartbeat. Also watch out for Fat Mike from NOFX constantly forgetting which band he is being interviewed in regards to.

REVIEWED BY ART ROBINSON I am wildly biased in my love for this band. They have been my favourite band for over a year now, blending rock, punk and hardcore elements into their own distinctive sound and carrying highly political messages in their lyrics. Sure, you say, but isn’t everyone writing political songs these days? OK; yeah; you’re right; they are. Even Pink has that stupid ‘Dear Mr President’ song and Linkin Park’s last single (groan) was apparently political. What I liked most about this band was their sound more than anything. Then I watched the DVD. It’s rare to watch a DVD of a band where the musical element is not the most interesting part. The documentary section on this disc is awesomely interesting with interviews from every big band on the Warped Tour at the time, most of which are full of sarcastic in jokes. A highlight for many would be the Rise Against drum tech who states over and over again that the band was “totally

This is probably the best music DVD I’ve seen so far, despite only a small selection of music videos (Prayer of the Refugee, Swing Life Away, Heaven Knows, Give It All and Ready to Fall) from the ever growing Rise Against videography. The live performance element of the DVD is also lacking. It seems they don’t jump around in real life nearly as much as they do on the videos. The documentary however is a good reason to buy this DVD. And don’t forget that Rise Against are coming with The Used and others in about a months time for the new Zealand leg of the Taste of Chaos Tour. Go to CDs4Nix for more information and ticket sales.

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ISSUE 14 16 JULY 2007

Rumours

Lies For The Liars THE USED

with Captain Ahab

Reviewed by Captain Ahab

The Powertool Records Kaleidoscope World Series gig at Ward Lane went off, and off, and off. One punter was seen looking at his watch at 3am, wondering how long the next 6 bands would take. Sora Shima were well-received, with locals The Shrugs being an obvious crowd favourite. The Shrugs’ new album is not far away now, we are told. We were told the same thing several months ago though. We did get our hands on a promotional single from the new album, and are happy to say that it sounds awesome. Australian pop-punk outfit Unpaid Debt have added a Hamilton show to their NZ tour at No Way Out Records on August 5th. Auckland psych-rockers White Birds and Lemons are releasing a mini-album in August. Apparently they have also been added to the line-up for The Shins’ show, with The Ruby Suns. The Ruby Suns’ new album Sea Lion is finished and being mastered now. It will be released on Sub Pop early next year. Their label-mates The Brunettes are also releasing their new album, Structure and Cosmetics, in the next few months. Pig Out is leaving our shores to do a European tour. They are playing a send-off tour during July. By some reports, this is their 10th tour since forming just over a year ago. It seems that relentless touring and a thousand broken (borrowed) drums do pay off eventually. Hamilton’s own 48May have postponed their nationwide tour. The rumour is that the postponement may be tied up with financial problems at their record label. Perhaps they are now regretting spending a shitload on that very expensive-looking music video for a mediocre song, huh? Guns N’ Roses’ long-awaited album is uh... still being awaited. Chinese Democracy has been in production for so long that it is now a close race between hell freezing over and it being released. This is despite the band currently being on the road for the Chinese Democracy Tour. It is often customary for a band to actually release the album before they go on the promo tour for it. Axl Rose has corn-rows and flared jeans though, so he is exempt from the usual conventions of the music industry. And fashion. Know any rumours, gossip or goings-on? Drop me a line at htownahab@gmail.com

You know those moments where you feel like you are witnessing genius in its most pure form? Reviewing Lies For The Liars was not one of those moments. I sat down to review this CD three times. Every single time I started playing it, someone would tell me to turn it off. It’s like Panic! At the Disco mixed with Motley Crue. In the worst possible way. My Chemical Romance also want their over-singing back. The Used attempt some “mash-up” style song transitions and bizarre speed-up-slow-down moments, but that only adds to the sense that you are listening to a big-budget musical trainwreck. The warning label on the front cover proclaims: “WARNING: Moderate Impact coarse language and/or themes”. I can only presume that this refers to the non-descript lyrical content. If you have perhaps purchased this album accidentally, or been given it, I suggest you consider re-gifting it. To someone you don’t like.

Psalms of Extinction PAIN Reviewed by BURTON C. BOGAN I read the sticker on the front of this CD with some interest, as the lead singer of Pain is a producer for Dimmu Borgir and the album features appearances by members of In Flames and Children of Bodom (such as the very talented guitarist Aleksi Laiho). But for those of you getting excited, the songs sound nothing like anything from any of those bands. I also got a little sceptical when I saw a song co-written by Bjork and the guy on the front looked like Vince or whoever from HIM (not a band I like at all). The music might be described as Goth Pop. Not as bad as The Rasmus, and minus those stupid feathers that guy had, but I think this is one that most Metallers will avoid. Having said that, I did find a few songs annoyingly catchy. Walking on Glass, Bitch and the cheesy Zombie Slam have been stuck in my head for days now – which says that this album isn’t entirely without merit. But definitely a try before you buy and only for those of you into more accessible (i.e. commercial) ‘Metal’ bands.

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If You Liked School, You’ll Love Work IRVINE WELSH

Sunrise From The Summit MICHELE COX

Reviewed by petra jane

Reviewed by Alana Fergusson

Irvine Welsh is one of the most important and distinctive voices in contemporary literature, capturing drug culture and workingclass slog with a mix of Dickensian wit and ecstasy-addled intensity. If You Liked School, You’ll Love Work is a novella with a collection of short stories with devilish twist endings. If you loved his groundbreaking Trainspotting and The Acid House, then you’ll enjoy his latest offering. It may not break new ground, but Welsh has a knack for making something compelling out of the mundane lives of ordinary losers. Like Trainspotting’s doss druggies, the stars of these stories are nobodies - the rich-bitch real estate agent, the spoilt college-kids, the deadbeat dad with three women on the go. Endearingly unlikeable characters, portrayed sympathetically but by no means sentimentally. They’re desperate, pathetic, prejudiced and sexually frustrated. When snooty condo salesgirl Kendra’s beloved dog Toto disappears, she’s convinced the Korean chef neighbour has turned him into designer sashimi. Mickey owns the Herefordshire Bull, a London pub in the Canary Islands. His teenaged daughter turns up while he’s busy juggling his regular shag Cynth and his Greek girl on the side. Jenni is a daughter of the Fife horsey-set. She hates her family, but hates her bitchy best friend Lara even more. Welsh still loves playing with accents and regional dialects (especially the, err, more colourful turns of phrase), and is still in the habit of spelling out those accents phonetically. Thankfully, most of this batch of stories is set in America, and the Texan drawl is easier to decipher than the broad Edinburgh brogue of his more notorious works. Only the novella, ‘The Kingdom of Fife’, slips into passages of near-unreadable phonetic Scottish. The five stories in If You Liked School... are cringe-inducing, uncomfortable, schadenfreude-laden, and strangely touching in spite of the sleazy anti-heroes.

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Kiwi author Michele Cox believes sport is a fantastic way for women to succeed, whether it’s about keeping fit and having fun or going for gold and representing New Zealand. After reading this superb book, I believe you will agree with her. Sunrise from the Summit is a collection of inspirational stories about Kiwi sportswomen who rank amongst some of the best in the world. The book profiles 17 of our top female sporting athletes, coaches and administrators including Yvette Corlett, Bernice Mene, Allison Roe, Valerie Vili and Susan Devoy, and tells the story behind their successes, as well as their trials. Their stories highlight the value sport has added to their lives: as WTA tour supervisor, Brenda Perry deals with superstars like Martina Navratilova and Monica Seles; amputee Kate Horan shares her experience of racing against able bodied runners - and winning; and one of our most famous kiwi sportswomen, Allison Roe, details how she was overwhelmed by endorsement offers after she won the New York and Boston Marathons. By the end of this book you will discover what drives these women, who they admire, even how many kids they have. Many of the women in this book have become Kiwi icons in their own right. Even the author is a huge source of inspiration - Michele is one of the few New Zealand women to play soccer at an international level, has a string of academic degrees and qualifications, and runs a soccer academy for girls amongst other things. With in-depth coverage of all aspects of these women’s lives and how they overcame their personal obstacles to be the very best in their chosen fields, this is a book of inspirational messages for anyone who wants to be the very best they can be.

ISSUE 14 16 JULY 2007

AKIRA KUROSAWA

Bra Boys RIALTO CINEMA REVIEWED BY JOE CITIZEN Australia’s most notorious surf gang hang out at Cronulla beach, 11km out of Sydney. Made by one of their own, this documentary reveals an inside story unrepresented by mainstream press. This is a story of a beach brotherhood that overcomes its dysfunctional urban roots by standing by one another and surfing some of the world’s maddest waves. Driving music pounds out the hardcore attitude as we watch dodgy handheld footage of beefy guys brawling in the streets and jumping off cliffs in a blaze of self-ignited glory. Narrated by the laconic tones of Russell Crowe and interspersed with sound bites from the Bra Boys themselves, this is grassroots documentary at its best. This is the inside story from the inside – true documentary is not the so-called ‘objectivity’ that fails to acknowledge its own assumptions, but the opinions and stories of those involved within a culture. These are not images culled from a long lens and patient all-night stakeouts, this is up close and personal with hard men who have dragged themselves up from the bottom. Excellent editing and a well-crafted script accomplish this problematic genre in a satisfying manner that seldom lets go of our interest. There are a few repeated shots admittedly, but they serve as reminders of the larger stories at stake here, whether or not we agree with the values of this often-violent gang. Did I mention the surfing? Outstanding. These guys are some of the world’s top-ranked surfers and even a stuck to the pavement guy like me can appreciate the sheer skill involved in negotiating massive waves above razor sharp reefs, with only a shaped plank to stand on. They are insane. There’s this shot of a guy who smacks straight into the side of a cliff, so hard his board breaks in half. He gets out with a puncture wound in the side of his neck that wobbles as he laughs. He’s back for more, its nothing. Then there’s the security camera footage of what happens when the Bra Boys have a mammoth party one floor below a party thrown by a bunch of off-duty police. It looks like something out of Alien. Somebody at the local RSA didn’t think very hard about the booking schedule that night. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, this is one documentary that deserves to be watched.

Discussions of the Japanese master Akira Kurosawa invariably centre on his samurai films. In part, for good reason. The Seven Samurai is the most humane, the most profound, the most dramatically engaging of all action films. The inevitable reduction of it to the status of template for the mundane western The Magnificent Seven too seldom acknowledges its own brilliance and misses the point of its wider influence. Every Asian epic since 1954 is indebted to Seven Samurai; the recent work of Chen Kaige and Zhang Yimou in particular cannot escape the shadow of Kurosawa’s masterpiece. It is to Kurosawa’s credit that he refused to become a prisoner of its success. He made other samurai films, to be sure, but seldom on the same scale and each had a flavour distinctly its own. Yojimbo is a story of a lone swordsman who slyly plots to bring down two competing houses. Sanjuro is a comic sequel, nominally using the same character, but played more for laughs. Hidden Fortress is an adventure film, closer in tone to a fairy tale or legend, with a princess trapped in hostile territory being assisted by a loyal samurai-knight. George Lucas remade it twenty years later, calling his version Star Wars. Such was Kurosawa’s appreciation of western literature that he even made samurai interpretations of Shakespeare’s plays. Throne of Blood is a dark, appropriately brooding take on MacBeth with a memorable climax in which Toshiro Mifune is turned into a giant pin cushion. Ran, commonly thought of as Kurosawa’s last great film, is a red hued version of King Lear, a powerful depiction of old age and decline from a 75 year old who showed no sign of fatigue himself. Many of Kurosawa’s finest achievements came outside the samurai genre, however, or on its periphery. Rashomon, in which Mifune is cast for the first time as a period warrior, is less an action film than a finely wrought meditation on the subjective nature of truth, with the same event seen from four distinct viewpoints. The Lower Depths similarly has a samurai character, but is an intense, faithful rendering of Maxim Gorky’s 1912 play. Kurosawa’s most renowned contemporary drama is Ikiru. The story of a terminally ill petty bureaucrat whose situation leads him to starkly question the meaning of life, it displays all of the director’s warmth and humanity. The potentially trite message, that service to others is ultimately more rewarding than hedonistic indulgence, gains much weight through the depiction of a cynical and uncaring backdrop against which the man struggles to do one last good deed. Kurosawa was an optimist, but such sentiment as his films contained was always counterbalanced by an awareness of mankind’s baser side. Auteur House stocks all of the films discussed above, along with fourteen other Kurosawa classics.

ISSUE 14 16 JULY 2007

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GIGS

ART EXHIBITIONS AND EVENTS

Thursday

Opening of Ariki Gallery - 30 Easy Pieces

Musical Feast is a series of lunchtime concerts in the CBD, back by popular demand. Concerts feature Waikato’s finest up and coming musicians in a 40 minute performance. So whether you are working or just relaxing, bring your lunch and enjoy. Bought to you in partnership with the Music Department of the University of Waikato. 12.10pm at the Waikato Museum, koha entry. Later that night, head along to see veteran ska band The Managers play with The Bludgers and Hamilton “rock trio” Eqwanox at Ward Lane. No one is sure how much this gig is going to cost so maybe just take a wild guess at that one.

Friday Opus Chamber Orchestra - Winds from the North Opus returns with its Winter Concert featuring the highly regarded Canadian flutist Robert Aitken for his first Hamilton performance. Conducted by Uwe Grodd, who will join Aitken for a flute duo. Not to be missed! 8pm at the WEL Energy Trust Academy of Performing Arts, University of Waikato. $6.50-$30.

Coming up Swan Lake performed by the legendary St Petersburg Ballet Theatre in four scenes over three acts. Tue 24 Jul 2007 - Thu 26 Jul 2007 at the Founders Theatre, tickets from $79. Slipping Tongue, Brutally Frank and Echosurge at Axces for free! Thursday 26th July Cantando Choir presents Viva L’Opera! A selection of favourite choruses and arias from a variety of popular operas. 4 August at Cambridge Town Hall and 5 August at WEL Academy of Performing Arts. Adults $20, Concessions $15, Children under 12 free

30 Easy Pieces - 30 kindly donated works by 30 artists for $30 apiece. A survey of local artists and an opportunity to support the establishment of the gallery. Artists include Zena Elliot and Glen Leslie, Petra Jane and Snakebeings. Music by Dick Dynamite and the Dopplegangers. Opening Saturday 28 July at 5.30pm and running through to Wednesday 8 August. Free entry. For more info go to www.arikigallery.com

A Visual Affair Art Exhibition Waikato Diocesan School Presents a visual treat featuring works by 100 well-

known and emerging New Zealand artists. The Visual Affair Art Exhibition is a gold coin donation to view. - Opening Gala on 23rd August at 6.30pm. Tickets $25. Proceeds to Dio’s Performing Arts Centre Building Project. - 24-25 August, entry is by gold Coin Donation. Waikato Diocesan School for Girls, 660 River Rd, Hamilton. Entry and parking off Martin St.

Automata Generative Works by Simon Nicholls. Platform 01 Gallery, Level 2, 467 Victoria St, Hamilton. Open Tuesday-Friday 104, Saturday 11-2 until July 28th 2007.

SUBMISSIONS, PROPOSALS AND FUNDING OPPORTUNITIES Call for proposals 2008 Artists/Curator Ramp is an exhibition space located in the School of Media Arts at the Waikato Institute of Technology, Hamilton, New Zealand. Ramp Gallery aims to foster critical dialogue and current practices in art. Ramp welcomes proposals from artists and curators. We are currently seeking exhibitions and events for our 2008 programme. For more information go to http://www.ramp.mediarts.net.nz

in 2008 to submit proposals. This is an opportunity for both emerging and established artists to exhibit in our three gallery spaces. Our intention is to have the exhibition calendar aligned with major events in the city, where possible. Submissions close 27th July. For more info contact ArtsPost Galleries on 07 838 6554

Weird and Wacky Visual Art Exhibition of mixed media Anyone wishing to enter may contact gail@ptree.co.nz for entry forms and further information Fieldays No. 8 Wire National Art Award Call for entries Prize $7000 1st, $2000 2nd, $1000 3rd Entries close 16 October 2007 Download entry form from www. waikatomuseum.co.nz Exhibition at ArtsPost Galleries 30 November - 28 January 2008. For further details contact Marion Manson on 07 8386554.

ArtsPost Call for Proposals ArtsPost Galleries are now calling for all visual artists interested in exhibiting

Hamilton Underground Film Festival 2007 The Hamilton Underground Film Festival is inviting submissions of short experimental films. Categories include abstract, experimental, animation and more. The festival last year had a great array of films with both nights selling out so look forward to the three night festival being planned for September. Visit the HUFF website for more info. Submissions close 1st August. www.huff07.info

Got any funny Busted! pictures of you and your friends out in town or getting totally busted you want to share with us? Send â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;em to nexus@waikato.ac.nz before Thursday 5 PM for the next issue of Nexus.