issue 15

15 23 JULY 2007

BurgerFuel Presents the Old School

Get the high score for the week on the Spacies Machine and WIN any Burger, Spud Fries & a drink FREE!!!

www.burgerfuel.co.nz BURGERFUEL HAMILTON • 213 VICTORIA STREET (NEXT TO METROPOLIS) • PHONE (07) 838 2400 PONSONBY • TAKAPUNA • PARNELL • MT EDEN • HAMILTON • GLENFIELD • BOTANY • HENDERSON MANUKAU • ALBANY • LOWER HUTT • TAURANGA • NEW PLYMOUTH • COURTENAY PLACE PALMERSTON NTH • ROTORUA • SYDNEY • ELLERSLIE • SILVIA PARK • NEW LYNN • QUEEN ST

This is legal tender for $2.00 off any Burger at BurgerFuel Hamilton. One voucher per Burger per customer. Offer expires Sunday 26 August 2007.

BF524 Spacies Comp Nexus FP.indd1 1

2/7/07 3:41:34 PM

The aim of the game is to use your favourite image editing tool to construct an image that corresponds to our weekly theme. Post your image to the Nexus forum (www.nexusmag. co.nz), or email it to graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz before Thursday 5 PM next week and the best Photochop (decided by the graphics editor) wins a $20 Campus Pharmacy voucher!

You can enter as many times as you like, so chop chop! , THIS WEEK S THEME:

t Hub look?

How will the proposed Studen

Vitamin C

dj_llirik

Burton

A WIN NER IS YO U!

Excellent work! Claim your prize at the Nexus office (located on the ground floor in the Student Union building). , NEXT WEEK S THEME:

Historical events from another dimension

Poo Guy dj_llirik SPONSORED BY:

Kerry Dean. M.P.S.

PHONE: 838 4740 of Waikato, Hamilton ity Univers Ltd. K.J. Dean

Care about local issues like gigs in parks, sports facilities, noise control, liquor licensing, libraries, roads and traffic, public transport, health care, rubbish and recycling, food hygiene, and a whole lot more... then

Enrol to vote.

0800 36 76 56 Freetext your name 76 and address to 36 z www.ivotenz.org.n PostShops, Council Off ices or Public Libraries

Y&R ELE0520_nexus

in your Local Council and District Health Board elections

Nexus Issue 15 23 July 2007

Features

Credits

18

Te Wiki O Te Reo Maori

Nexus celebrates Maori language week with a plethora of Maori language articles

Articles 16

Get my drift?

Nick Maarhuis checks out the drift competition

32

Prez’s guide to Maori words

Sehai lays down some basic Maori words for y’all

News 8-13

Student ball cancelled, Black seeds sell out, Crock circle, Waikato Uni funding boost, Patriarchy, The funniest Execution ever, Haiku News

Regulars 04 07 14 21 22 25 28 29

Photochop challenge Editorial Lettuce Meantime WSU columns Notices Ninja Dookie Weird Facts

29 30 30 31 31 32 32 33

Walkthrough Boganology Sports Thoughts Agony Art static void Main() Magic 8 Ball Smoke vs Water Guide to Pants

33 34 35 36 37 37 38 39

Society Pages Citric DVDs Books Film review Auteur House presents Events Guide Busted

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

EDITOR: ROZ CASE (nexus@waikato.ac.nz) DESIGN: MATT SCHEURICH (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) ADVERTISING: TONY ARKELL (Phone 021 176 6180) NEWS ED: JOSH DRUMMOND (news@nexus-npl.co.nz) BOOKS ED: BRIE JESSEN MUSIC ED: CAPTAIN AHAB (htownahab@gmail.com) CONTRIBUTORS: ANDREW NEAL, BLAIR NICHOLSON, BURTON C. BOGAN, TARYN TE BOGAN, BRIE JESSEN, CHUCK AND BENJO, CAPTAIN AHAB, JOSEPH ROSS, NICK MAARHUIS, GEOFF DOUBE, HAZAZEL, JED LAUNDRY, MOSKONOVICH, ROZ, MATT, JOSH, ART FOCKER, PETRA JANE, JOE CITIZEN, ALANA FERGUSSON, DR RICHARD SWAINSON, BOULANGER, TOBY MORRIS, VITAMIN C, WSU. VISIT US ONLINE @ nexusmag.co.nz AND myspace.com/nexusmagazine NEXUS IS A MEMBER OF THE AOTEAROA STUDENT PRESS ASSOCIATION (ASPA). MY EYE KEEPS TWITCHING. WEIRD. THE VIEWS EXPESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, WSU, THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCE OR APN. WANT TO ADVERTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL nexus@waikato.ac.nz OR PHONE 07 838 4653 OR VISIT www.nexusmag.co.nz NEXUS IS LOCATED AT GROUND FLOOR, STUDENT UNION BUILDING, GATE ONE, UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO, KNIGHTON ROAD, HAMILTON. PHONE: FAX: EMAIL: POSTAL:

07 838 4653 07 838 4588 nexus@waikato.ac.nz PRIVATE BAG 3059, HAMILTON WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

Editorial

Nexus Cover Art WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ/COVERART

BY ROSALIND CASE

There’s this box of photos which has been languishing in my office for some infinite number of years. This week, I decided that we needed to do something with these photos, like archive them properly or stick them in albums, or even just maybe look at them. So one night last week I tucked the box under my arm and took it home with me, thinking that I could sort the photos into piles according to era and then determine how many albums would be required to protect them for the future.

Little did I know that I was about to send myself into a nineties time-warp. Have you noticed how the further away we get from the nineties, the more exotic flannel starts to look? Can you imagine what it must have been like for an entire generation to be okay with having hideously long, frizzy hair? And they weren’t just ‘okay’ with it – the longer and more hideous, the better. The really strange thing about that fashion era is that everyone thought that they looked so much more amazing than they did in the eighties. When, really, they didn’t. It was gonna take a whole lot more than just eliminating fluoro for people to be able to recover from the previous decade.

The fashion that these photos profile is one thing. The fact that they’re actually hard copy pictures which never came into any contact with a computer, is another thing altogether.

In amongst the snapshots that had been taken of various university activities, there are heaps of press shots which (get this) were posted to Nexus by the managers of bands, artists, comedians and general attention-seekers. Each photo looks like it was taken by a genuine photographer, not just some gimp flouncing round with a digital camera claiming to be a photographic genius (as seems to usually be the case these days). Most of them are in black and white, because nobody was printing magazines or newspapers in colour anyway, and beautifully developed in a proper studio. At the bottom of the shots, the date of issue is written along with instruction for publications not to print them after six months. It all just seems like another universe, especially when we compare

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

it to how a publication like Nexus operates these days. Firstly, I’ve never come into contact with a hard copy press pic of any modern day celebrities. If I need a press photo, I’ll head to the person’s myspace where they will have undoubtedly uploaded all of their best shots, and rip one from there (And most of the time they are bad quality, small resolution photos that I can barely do anything with, except make it as small as possible to hide the badness -- Designer). If I asked their management agency for a copy, they would direct me to a myspace page as well. But the problem with the internet is that things can disappear with a blink, and there is no tangible evidence (except for a cache) that they ever existed.

I can’t imagine that anyone thought that these press pics were going to be of any value to anyone fifteen years later. But some of these photos caught fleeting moments of musical history, band lineups which were never to last and certainly never to be repeated. And the photos taken by Nexus staff at the time document some of the most interesting historical periods of this university. Thank god, for example, that someone had the good sense to take a picture of the utterly bizarre and logically incoherent posters stuck up by that retarded

Artist: Tim “Tigermoph” Rogers HTTP://TIGERMOPH.DEVIANTART.COM

386 ANGLESEA ST, HAMILTON · OPEN 7 DAYS · PH: 07 834 3952

was over before people even knew it had begun. I had wondered if this was just a sense of missing out on something, and that each generation to come would feel this to a slight extent. But looking back on those photos of what was happening round this campus, and indeed in Nexus, I can’t help but feel that my initial gut instinct that something really incredible was happening, was correct. I mean, photos can be misleading in that they might only show you one side of the story – it’s certainly easy to believe that this place was just full of mad

I was a teenager in the last part of the nineties and even then, I felt like I had missed the boat on some kind of small cultural revolution which was over before people even knew it had begun.

Student Choice organisation in their desperate attempts to destroy the student union (which they eventually succeeded in doing, at least for awhile). There’s one great shot of men banging on the doors and windows of the Women’s Room – a well-used and beautifully muralled building at the time. And there’s innumerable photos of amazing gigs at the Wailing Bongo, packed with students who had come to expect that this sort of thing was normal for a university.

I was a teenager in the last part of the nineties and even then, I felt like I had missed the boat on some kind of small cultural revolution which

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

revolutionaries, when in fact it’s probably quite likely that there was a massive munter faction as well. After all, we’re talking about Hamilton in the 20th century here – not exactly a hot bed of progressive values and radical activism.

But the photos don’t lie about what they did capture. And this box of photos in the Nexus office seems to document incredible little pockets of the history of what it means to be a student. It’s a history that is too easily overlooked and forgotten in our desperation to get in and out of university in three years, before we’ve even had time to realise we are here.

7

D E L L CE

N A C

Student Ball: Cancelled

BY JOSHUA DRUMMOND The Waikato Students Union Student Ball scheduled for 4 August has been cancelled. Organisers cited low ticket presales as the reason for the cancellation.

“I’m really disappointed,” said WSU Events Manager James Hartnett. “I thought an event like this was required for the University, but the numbers just haven’t supported it. Going through with it just wouldn’t do the event justice.”

The ball was planned to be a black-tie event with a 1920’s theme. The Performing Arts Centre had been booked for the night, and Corona secured as sponsors. Tickets originally cost $75 each, but were later dropped to $50.Hartnett said high price relative to normal student events “could have been a factor,” in the low ticket sales.

“We tried to put on a real quality event, and to do that does cost money, but we weren’t trying to overcharge – we just had to break even. It’s possible we were aiming for the wrong market, we didn’t want it to be just another student piss-up.”

8

Hartnett did not blame a student body that has been described as “apathetic” by many for the cancellation, arguing that the Waikato put on quality events all the time that were attended by plenty of students. “I don’t think it’s the Waikato, we host one of the biggest events of its type in the country in the Great Race Ball. In hindsight, we could have gone harder, marketed differently.”

“The WSU should be starting small and building things up – they can’t expect it to be massive straight away,” he said.

Hartnett said that he wouldn’t rule out planning another ball, but it wasn’t looking promising at the moment. “It’s hard to say if there’ll be another one – once bitten, twice shy,” he said.

“We tried to put on a real quality event, and to do that does cost money, but we weren’t trying to overcharge – we just had to break even.”

JAMES HARNETT

Student and Nexus contributor Chris Parnell, aka Vitamin C, said he was “pissed off” over the cancellation. “A big ‘fuck you’ to all the students who didn’t show any interest – a Ball, at that venue, would have been awesome,” he said.

But he thought the WSU deserved some of the blame for “aiming too high.”

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

It’s not all bad news for upcoming WSU events though, says Hartnett – there’s plenty coming up later this year.

“On a lighter note, there’s still good stuff happening this year - we’ve got the Trolley Derby [planned for Saturday 29 September] coming up, among other things.”

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

WHAT IS IT?

OH, RIGHT...

Mysterious crop circle confounds students, hippies A strange-shaped “crop circle” has appeared, overnight, in a hillside by the playing field adjoining St Johns School near Gate One of Waikato University.

Speculation is rife about the nature of the strange symbol, which some have declared to be an ancient fertility sign. Other opinions have it that it resembles a rugby player or giant alien anal probe. Vigorous consultation with experts has yielded no results. All the Waikato University

experts Nexus tried to contact were either invisible or deaf-mutes, and calls to psychic hotlines merely resulted in vague, contradictory information and a giant-sized phone bill.

Students have flocked to the circle, to have their pictures taken next to it and slide down the “shaft” of the image, which is conveniently located in a downhill direction. Unconfirmed rumour has it that the site is being used for the mass consummation of relationships.

Other people probing the site were giggling

St Johns students and “UFOlogists” who were trying to attract flying saucers by frantically rubbing the top or “head” of the image, the theory being that once it reached a key level of stimulation, it would explosively emit a signal to all receptive ships in the vicinity, which would be attracted accordingly.

Nexus did not speak to anyone about the crop circle, but if we did we think they would say, “ha, look, a giant cock in a hill. That’s funny.”

IT’S GETTING HOT IN THERE. PHOTO BY NICK MAARHUIS

Black Seeds sell out and then some The Black Seeds, the only musical act in the Reorientation program*, proved to be immensely popular with students.

Wednesday 11 July saw the Bahama Hut host a line-up of The Deadly Deaths, Cosmic Ska Child and The Black Seeds. A capacity crowd was reached with all 650 tickets being sold.

Starting band Deadly Deaths played to a mainly

empty floor and incited some awkward dancing in the arriving crowd with their sombre tones.

Ska cover-band, Cosmic Ska Child followed.

Although well received, the applause was more polite than enthusiastic.

The Blacks Seeds came out to a receptive full capacity crowd. A number of familiar and popular songs were played with Fire by Fat Freddy’s Drop driving the

crow into a sardine packed frenzy.

Total numbers were estimated to be almost 700 with all tickets sold and some entering with seemingly no ticket. Some attendants also reported being charged $40 per ticket by the door staff after all tickets were sold.

High numbers raised safety concerns amongst some patrons, as a there was a clear danger in case of fire.

* NOT COUNTING MC STORMTROOPA AT THE VILLAGE GREEN ON FRIDAY LUNCH

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

9

$10.8 million boost to Waikato University research funding

By Press R. Elease University of Waikato researchers in computer science and engineering have received almost $10.8 million in the latest Foundation for Research, Science and Technology funding round announced today.

Vice-Chancellor Professor Roy Crawford says the grants are further evidence of the very high quality of research being undertaken in both the School of Computing and Mathematical Sciences, and the School of Science and Engineering.

“I would like to congratulate all of the recipients. The FRST grants are highly sought after and are awarded only to academics who are leaders in their fields.

“Each of the projects has the potential to make a significant contribution to national economic and policy goals through transforming and diversifying ICT technology, and innovation in other important sectors.”

Researchers in the School of Computing and Mathematical Sciences, ranked first in the country in the recent, independent PBRF (Performance-Based Research Fund) assessment, received $6.47 million in FRST grants.

Dr David Bainbridge in the School of Computing and Mathematical Sciences received $2.2 million over four years to develop new systems and tools capable of driving world-leading, innovative, multi-media content management.

The research programme, which will leverage the globally successful Greenstone digital library software also produced by the Waikato team, aims to develop technology to enable high quality, user-friendly mixing of media types into a rich collection of accessible information. It will combine complex content analysis and an ongoing commitment to open source software development.

10

The project will use “real world” and publicly available datasets to advance existing knowledge and explore and encourage development of commercial outcomes in New Zealand.

Digital library software will allow teachers to capitalise on top quality prose and multi-media resources available in the world’s libraries, yielding an unprecedented supply of material for language learning.

Associate Professor Tony McGregor received $1.5 million for a four-year project to develop autonomous network technology, which is expected to make a major contribution to diversifying and transforming New Zealand’s economy through ICT, with direct sales potential of NZ$1 billion over 15 years.

The three-year project is expected to create a world-class reputation for New Zealand in innovative techniques for Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages (TESOL), while the new paradigm of library-enabled education will increase New Zealand’s international competitiveness in offshore education.

Autonomous computer networks are “self-healing and self-managing” and two core technologies - computer network performance analysis and machine learning - are needed to make them a reality. Waikato’s Computer Science Department has the strongest research team in New Zealand and is considered an international leader in this field.

Software to automate the processing and quality control of chromatographic data will be developed with the support of a $1.7 million grant over four years to Associate Professor Geoff Holmes.

Chromatography is an analytical tool used in a wide range of industries including agriculture, biotechnology, medicine and pharmaceuticals.

The research aims to develop a ready-touse software suite for analytical service laboratories globally to give greater accuracy, and significant productivity and revenue gains. The project also aims to expand use to the emerging “omic” life sciences such as proteomics, where the focus is on pattern discovery.

Software to automate the production and delivery of practice exercises for overseas students learning English will be developed by a team headed by Professor Ian Witten, an internationally acknowledged world leader in the field of digital libraries, with the support of a $962,500 grant.

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

The School of Science and Engineering received a total of $4.29 million. Professor Peter Kamp received $3.7 million for a sixyear project - the largest single FRST grant to a University of Waikato researcher - to improve energy efficiency by an average 3-5 percent in milk powder production plants.

Improved energy efficiency in the dairy sector will increase the cost competitiveness of New Zealand’s largest exporter. It will also result in reduced use of gas, coal and hydro fuel types, contributing to security of energy supply for the country, and a reduction in greenhouse gas emissions.

Associate Professor Deliang Zhang, also in the School of Science and Engineering, received $550,000 over three years to develop novel processes for producing low-cost titanium alloy powders from industrial waste products and, potentially, New Zealand iron sands.

The process aims to convert titanium oxide, aluminium, titanium and vanadiumrich slag, which is a waste product of the New Zealand Steel Ltd’s iron sand-tosteel process, into titanium alloy powders for manufacture into ingots, sheets and extrusions for sale to export customers.

The work is in collaboration with an industrial advisory group comprising New Zealand Steel Ltd, South Auckland Forgings Engineering Ltd and Titanox Development Ltd in consultation with New Zealand Trade and Enterprise.

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

Patriarchy operates via PBRF system

By James Ransley - Salient Women are disadvantaged by the system which grades university researchers, says the Association of University Staff (AUS).

Data released by the Tertiary Education Commission (TEC) shows nearly three times more men than women received an A rating in the 2006 Performance Based Research Fund (PBRF).

The PBRF system scores all academic and research staff with an A, B, C or R. This in turn determines how much funding an institution receives.

more women in the last ten years than the previous and one of the things about PBRF is that it takes time to build up a track record that would allow (them) to be an A,” says Quigley.

Victoria ranked fourth in the 2006 PBRF round. University of Otago ranked first, followed by University of Auckland, and Canterbury University.

A much higher proportion of men hold senior academic positions, and male staff have typically held academic positions for longer than their female counterparts. Women currently

...there is an expectation for universities to produce a continual output of research. This disadvantages women as they are more likely to take time out for childrearing.

The 2006 PBRF results were released on 4 May 2007. The research performance of 8076 staff in 31 tertiary institutions over the previous six years was assessed.

AUS Women’s Vice President Maureen Montgomery told The Press she was disappointed that the gap between the average PBRF scores for men and women had remained nearly identical to that in 2003. In 2003, women had an average score of 1.85 out of 10 and men 3.24. In 2006, women received an average score of 2.23 and men 3.62.

Montgomery said there are a number of reasons why the average quality scores of men are higher than those of women.

make up only 16.9 per cent of professors and associate professors at New Zealand universities. However, TEC group investment manager for universities Dr Ruth Anderson told The Press that the study had shown gender “was not a statistically significant factor in the performance of individual staff under PBRF.” Several panels do not take into account the part-time status of some researchers – where women are predominant. The

review of the PBRF in preparation for the 2012 Quality Evaluation was likely to examine the issue in more detail.

Last week, the New Zealand Education Review exposed some deliberate gameplaying committed by Massey University in an attempt to skew their PBRF submissions.

The TEC later announced three other institutions had done the same. – ASPA

First, there is an expectation for universities to produce a continual output of research.

This disadvantages women as they are more likely to take time out for childrearing.

Second, there is more pressure on women to do teaching which is not recognised in the PBRF system. Women also conduct more locally-based research which is not published internationally and consequently not rated as highly in the PBRF system.

Love people? Love technology?

Combine the two and make a difference

Radiation Therapy

“It’s more difficult for them to go overseas on research because of the costs involved in taking their family with them”, Montgomery said.

Radiation Therapy is a profession that is at the leading edge of technology and research. So for those interested in the “high tech” aspects and who also enjoy the caring aspects of a health professional, then Radiation Therapy is a great career choice.

Victoria’s Deputy Vice-Chancellor (Research) Professor Neil Quigley refused comment on the gender issues raised within the PBRF until a further review was provided by the TEC.

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

FOR MORE INFO: OU839

“However, I can say, Victoria has hired a lot

APPLICATIONS CLOSE 15 SEPTEMBER mrtenquiries.wsmhs@otago.ac.nz 0800 80 80 98 www.otago.ac.nz txt 866 ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

11

EXECUTION This week’s Execution will be a bit different to usual. Because the reporter who took notes and the reporter actually writing this are different people, all additions (lies) to the original notes will be in bold, for purposes of accuracy and amusement.

Last week’s meeting of the WSU Executive opened and Nexus was asked whether, as a student, she had any matters arising. She wracked her brain and came up with nothing. The exec looked relieved, because they’d recently been started on a high-fibre diet and were all experiencing regular and loose bowel movements.

Sehai tried to pass the minutes. This was to be the first attempt of several. Nobody had any idea what they were on about really and so the minutes were deferred to later in the meeting.

Sehai informed everyone that the entire exec has been invited to a Trade Worker’s Union AGM on the 30th July.

Sehai said she will attend and “wave the flag”, which will be red and sporting a Communist logo. Maybe.

Presidents Report: Sehai was sick for most of Re-O week. Everyone gave James shit for being pissed at Black Seeds after drinking methylated spirits. Sehai told the exec she was disappointed with the funding applications for O Week and she wants everyone to be organised for next year. Awards were given to people at the Chancellor’s black-tie evening, including Theresa Gattung, for “Excellence at having exactly sweet fuck all to do with Waikato University,” presumably.

Glen asked what do these people receiving awards actually do for the University? Sehai said that the point was to create networks with them and profile them so that they will do things for the uni in the future, even though time machines haven’t actually been invented yet.

12

quickly with a drink of water. Still, the possibility remains…

The minutes still weren’t getting passed, so the exec then decided that actually an abstention is not going against the status quo. It is supporting it by doing nothing. Then there was talk of the vote being ‘hung’, which led Nexus to believe that the vote must have an enormous penis.

Sehai said she wanted to defer it to the next meeting. Then Jeff Hawkes arrived and David said you can vote again now. Sehai said you can’t just keep on voting until something passes. David said he didn’t know why they were even abstaining – “you’re entitled to trust your colleagues”.

It appeared for a moment that there might be another vote and Jeff Hawkes’ presence might save the day, but then Jeff said that he questioned the legitimacy of the meeting because he didn’t know it was an official meeting at all, and everyone banged their heads against the desk and screamed and screamed.

Everyone pretty much just rode over the top of that one – Sehai said “everyone happy to carry on?” and they all said yes. Jeff looked shitty. He obviously hasn’t started on the high-fibre diet yet.

A whole lot of uninteresting gobbledegook later and a caterer arrived with a whole bunch of nice looking food. Nexus got very excited about all the croissants.

God this next bit is funny.

Sehai reminded the exec that this Wednesday the VC is expecting the exec at 12 noon in B block for the ‘distinctiveness’ meeting, whatever that is. Something to do with ‘defining’ the university and being ‘distinctive’. Glen said he will go for the free food, and gorge himself, then purge, then gorge again.

Jeff was asked whether he had any thing to raise. First he said “89FM”. Sehai said that will happen in strict.

Then he said “Students Against Gangs”. He said he was almost mugged the other night and wondered what the exec should be doing about this issue. He suggested a curfew. Pene reminded Jeff of ‘core business’ and said he was not sure how many gangs there were on campus.

He also said he didn’t want the uni getting firebombed for taking a stand against gangs. Jeff said “it’s good to know that you operate in a world of fear as well.” They looked like they hated each other. Everyone rode over the top of Jeff again and moved on. Funny bit over.

Pene and Katie arrived. At this point, it was decided that the minutes might be able to be passed again but Pene abstained which fucked up the vote balance once again.

James got up and walked out – Nexus presumed this was in order to engineer the vote, but he returned pretty

More stuff that probably doesn’t matter too much and the Exec gleefully moved into strict and Nexus was shuffled out of the room, although David did say Nexus could come back and eat their croissants. Nexus declined, because Nexus don’t want their dumb croissants anyway.

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

HAIKU NEWS

BY DRUMMOND-SAN

Mariane Pearl sues al Qaeda over husband’s killing Osama gets sued: brilliant!

It makes perfect sense And should work real good

South Pacific Games officials overrule gay sex ban Ban or not, it makes no difference Stuff like this How would they police it?

Economy on ‘death spiral’ due to exchange rate Kiwis: all morons Most think “death spiral” Is a kind of Transformer

Emergency rescue turns fishy Cops and the whole deal Thought drowning surfer was real But it was a seal

TE WIKI O TE REO MAORI

DR KATERINA TE HEIKOKO MATAIRA - language Dr Katerina Te Heikoko Mataira has been at the forefront of Maori revival and teaching for many years and is a well known author of Maori language childrens’ books.

Along with Ngoingoi Pewhairangi during the late 1970’s, the successful and popular Te Ataarangi was designed as a community–based programme of - language learning known for its’ use of coloured rods and large amounts Maori of spoken language as the primary method of teaching.

Katerina has a Masters degree in Education and was awarded an Honorary Doctorate in 1996 from the University of Waikato.

Katerina will share her experiences, knowledge and passion for the continued revival of Te Reo Maori into the 21st century and beyond.

Te Ra- / Date: Te Wa- / Time: - / Room: Te Ruma - / Place: Te Wahi

Wednesday 27th July 1.00 - 2.00pm SG.01 (S Block) The University of Waikato, Gate 8, Hillcrest Road.

-

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

13

Send your letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz before next Tuesday and that will generally guarantee that they will be printed in the following issue. If you prefer snail mail, send letters to Lettuce, Nexus magazine, University of Waikato, Private bag 3059, Hamilton. Keep ‘em short and readable!

Letter of the Week

Cheers, Simon Travis Indiclas

Whoflungdung is wotchamacallit To the Editor, In reply to Who Flung Dungs’ view on the Dali Lama, I can only assume that this student is a supporter of those Chinese who have imprisoned, beaten and tortured the people and children of Tibet. People who commit severe cruelty on others, especially children are evil. In a world full of war, violence, racism and hatred surely a message of peace and enlightenment is reassuring. These people are a peaceful people who have no wish to hurt anyone. In my culture we are taught to respect holy people or face the concequences if we do not. Those who show no respect for religious leaders without probable cause can only accept their own fate. Maybe the Dali Lama has a greater power than that of China, the power of the Great Spirit. Good triumphs over evil.

Christians targeting vulnerable Asian students Dear Nexus I watched so many Christians trying to manipulate Asians last week it made me sick. They are targeting vulnerable new immigrants because they want their money, those sick bastards. If I see anymore Christians trying to manipulate Asians, I’m gonna unleash myself on them.

Currently leashed of Hamilton East

Student from Canada Cheers for the enlightening letter. Come claim your $20 Bennetts voucher from Nexus.

Christians also targeting vulnerable Satan Dear Nexus

Carpooling without cars

some valid arguments to present.

Dear Editor cheers big ears In response to Capt. Aircool Platini’s letter last week, i would like to highlight to him/her that their rugby example of people wasting energy is completely misguided. Captain Aircool Platini, when thousands of people go to a stadium, those ‘over illuminated’ stadiums use a lot less power than what would be used if all those people were at home sitting under their house’s lightbulbs.

Added to this is the power saved by all the tv’s that would otherwise be on. If it is cold at the rugby, the savings are even more, as each household would have heaters running too.

Then consider all the people who congregate at pubs, saving more power by all watching the same tv’s under the same lights, and rugby seems to be an energy conservationists dream. It’s sort of like a giant car-pool for electricity use, for simple minds such as yours.

So next time you want to write your dribble into this fine magazine, wanting to hate on everything, at least find

Mr Alex Trisitie

Not carpooling with car To Nexus, I was disgusted to find today, that again no one had saved me a park in the University car park this morning.

I mean surely everyone should know that I drive my hotted up chick magnet everyday with little concern for the environment or my own health and that everyone should take my needs into consideration.

So come on guys, ride a bike or walk so that there is always a park for me and my mint machine and so that I can avoid the frustration of spending more time looking for a park than actually driving to class from Helena Rd.

Can’t christians just keep to themselves?

I’m sick of constantly being approached by Christian groups on campus asking me to eat some disgusting shit for a chance to win a flat clean. Did Jesus ever ask his disciples to eat fifty fucking eggs before he healed them of leprosy or syphilis or whatever it is that fucking Mary Magdalene gave them? No! No, he fucking didn’t! He would have given those eggs to the poor, instead of wasting it on drunk students like some groups at uni have!

Save it for the Chruchy, you hypocrite sons of bitches Satan

Christians targeting advertisements Dear Nexus, I think there are too many advertisements in your magazine, particularly in the front few pages.

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

PH 07 856 6813

14

FAX 07 856 2255

ADDRESS Gate 5 Hillcrest Road ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP

EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

I realise that your wages are paid out of advertising revenue, but can you please all take a pay cut so that I don’t have to wade through half a dozen ads every Monday morning?

If you don’t, I’ll tell everybody that you are communists.

Lack of aliens problem

Confused anti-semite

Dear Nexus, Why weren’t there any aliens in the new Rocky movie? Clearly there was no one left on Earth for Rocky to fight after conquering Apollo Crete, The Soviet Union and the decline of American society (clearly a metaphor in the form of Tommy Gunn).

Nexus

Leonard Edward Ninnes

No more pooing out the windows Dear Nexus In regards to the poo smell outisde the Oranga: it must stop. We here in the University Department of Sciences have located the cause of the smell. It seems to only exist at times when the Waikato Student Union Building is in use and thus we have deduced that the smell is none other than the Student Union at the University of Waikato. Every member of the Executive is hereby guilty of air pollution.

On further investigation, we found that members of the Executive (or as we call them in the Science Department - the Poo-xecutive) have, instead of making a five metre walk to the toilet, simply been defecating out of the windows and onto the area outside Campus Pharmacy. We urge the Poo-Xecutive to hold their weak bowels just a few extra moments while they dash to the facilities and pump out the brown snakes there, rather than on a major thoroughfare.

The movie was simply a few plot lines of the last Five Rocky movies mashed up into thoughtless dribble. I mean they used personal conflict between Rocky and his son as a plot point but these issues were clearly resolved in Rocky 5. I mean clearly with Rocky approaching the age of 110 there needed to be a better explanation of his ability to not die in the ring other than the size of his heart.

Its time to unmask the greast zionist conspiracey at this univarsity! I read the protocals of Zion and I know all about the Hebrew atempts to undermind Western Civilization with their baby sacrificing ways.

Several lecturers at this institute have come to my attention as Zionist conspirators, influencing young minds into hating America (gretest nation on Earth) and the Palestinians through surreptitious means and marking essays bad what say bad things about Israel.

Students should be free to say what they want about the illegal nation israel and not worry about their makrs being altered by Jews.

Bill Aq’Ua’Phlo

Perhaps bionic implants and robotic limbs giving Rocky the ability to survive in space and defeat some kind of faceless alien menace would have been more believable.

I mean I thought Rocky couldn’t fight in the professional circuit due to medical problems but apparently age heals all long-ailing injuries.

Less emotional mumbo jumbo and more alien crushing good times please.

Love, Gregory Bickelbauer

Lettuce policy Nexus welcomes your letters and encourages debate through the lettuce page, just keep it under 250 words.

Letters must be received by 5 PM Tuesday, no later. Letters may be edited for sense, length and/or legal reasons.

Psuedonyms are welcome but you must also include your real name and contact details (don’t worry, they won’t be printed). We discourage the use of psuedonyms on serious letters.

Reagrds Herbert F. Ucksteins

Shut up Dear Nexus First week into B semester and already I’m ready to maim, kill & dismember. No, not lecturers or staff.. my fellow students. Not all fellow students, just the ones who seem to think attending lectures is a forum for them to babble away to classmates. I dont really give a good goddam about what you did in study break, or that you caught your flatemate and your boyfriend in bed together and you cant afford to move out. I dont even care if you only took this paper to fulfill your degree requirements. I didnt! I paid a shitload of money to listen to a lecturer lecture, not your sordid little life story. SO PULEEEEZZE SHADDUP! talk to your mates after class.

Signed

Citizens Advice Bureau I need a document witnessed Sometimes it is necessary to have someone official witness a signature on a document, certify that a copy of a document is correct, or take a declaration or affidavit.

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other inquiries you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 11am – 2pm daily during semesters or phone 838 4466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB. Justices of the Peace (JPs) carry out many important functions, like those examples above, in the administration of documentation and justice in New Zealand. There is a list of JPs and their addresses in the yellow pages of the phone book. You can phone one and make an appointment to see them. There is also a list of staff members on campus who are JPs. They are listed on the Waikato University website.

Dont make me slap you

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

15

Get . . . y M

?

T F I ...DR

BY NICK MAARHUIS

M

idget mud wrestling, rugby, beach volleyball… some of the best sports known to man? Well, if little people, big guys in small shorts, or sand in your togs doesn’t really do it for you, drifting just might.

If we’re to believe what the Burger King marketing people say about their hot girls riding horses, when you bring three individually good things together, you get one really great thing. And the trend follows in motorsport; burnouts are good, fast cars are good, and drivers on the edge (and out) of control are good.

Amalgamated, you get drifting. Created in Japan, the sport of drifting is the most exciting and fastest-growing type of motorsport in the world. The seemingly ludicrous object is to drive at intense speed through a series of judged corners, while sliding your car at a maximum angle and attempting to follow a racing line. Drivers are judged individually and then the top 16 go head to head in battles, where points are also scored for how closely the following driver can get to the lead car.

Drivers who spin out, go off track, or get passed, lose that run. Each battle pair get a warm up lap and then one leading and following run each (unless there is a tie and more laps must be done to chose a winner).

The knife-edge nature of the sport ensures plenty of close calls, door-to-door drifting, and off track excursions. The Stil Vodka NZ Drift Series 07 (Round 2) event on Sunday 15th July was no exception, providing an action packed day of drifting, entertaining crowds at the Pukekohe Park Raceway.

With cars hurtling sideways at up to 180 kilometres per hour, many drivers visited

16

the dirt and sand traps which lie beyond the tarmac. Most recovered with minor panel and bodykit damage, however some drivers weren’t so lucky. Aaron Bennett lost it in his S13 Nissan Silvia, and when attempting to get back on track, clipped his rear wheel and ripped half his rear suspension off. Other casualties included another Silvia which crashed out (but returned later after repairs); an RX7 driver had his oil cooler ripped out; and another who caught his exhaust system and drove half the track with it hanging out the side of his car. Highlights of the day included Mad Mike’s crazy new wide body kit on his RX7, seeing a little old

The seemingly ludicrous object is to drive at intense speed through a series of judged corners, while sliding your car at a maximum angle and attempting to follow a racing line.

AE85 Corolla at full lock and full pace, and witnessing Mark Tapper drift his 4WD Mitsubishi Evo 8 rally car round the track.

The Waikato Uni Formula-SAE team, WESMO, was there too, showing the public their 2006 car, as were a couple of minitrucks and other performance cars on display.

The weather was freezing, Tony McCall didn’t show up with his Porsche powered offroader, and the day drew out a bit, but the drifting was smoking (literally). The final results were; Carl Ruiterman won the event, Tiger White came second, and Daniel “Fanga Dan” Woolhouse took out third place.

For further info on this and future events see www.dfactor.co.nz.

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

Anei ngā kupu mō tenei waiata rongonui i roto i te Ao Māori, Ko “HE KĀKANO AHAU” He kākano ahau i ruia mai i Rangiatea...

And I can never be lost, I am the seed, Born of Greatness Descended from a line of chiefs,

He kākano ahau

I hea rā au e hītekiteki ana kamau tonu i ahau ōku tikanga Tōku reo, tōku oho oho, tōku reo, tōku māpihi maurea Tōku whakakai marihi My language is my strength, an ornamental grace

Ka tū ana ahau, ka uhi ahau e ōku tīpuna My pride I will show that you they know who I am I am a warrior a survivor,

He mōrehu ahau

I hea rā au e hītekiteki ana kamau tonu i ahau ōku tikanga Tōku reo, tōku oho oho, tōku reo, tōku māpihi maurea Tōku whakakai marihi My language is my strength, an ornamental grace

Ka tae ate $5000 te wini he tohunagatā koe?

E hiahia ana koe kia kitea ō mahi toi e tea o whānui?

Kei te rapu mahi toi mātou hei whakaniko I te uhi o tā mātou papakupu reo Māori hou.

Hangaia tētahi mahi toi e pā ana kit e WHAKAORA O TE REO MĀORI. Tukuna mai ki a mātou I mua I te 5 karaka I te ahiahi, te 20 o Here Turi Kōkā 2007. Tērā pea ka wikitoria ko koe, ā, ka riro I a koe te 5000 taara, ka whakaaturia hoki ō mahi toi i runga i te mata o te papakupu.

Mō te roana atu o ngā kōrero me ngā puka whakauru whakapā mai ki www.tetaurawhiri.govt.nz, waea mai rānei ki Te Taura Whiri I te Reo Māori, 04 471 0244.

He poto no ate wā!

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

17

Te Wiki o te Reo Maori TE REO MAORI is undergoing a resurgence and more people speak the language. There are Maori language schools, Maori radio stations, and in 2004 a Maori television channel began broadcasting. There was a time when some people objected to hearing Maori greetings such as kia ora. The campaign to revive the language has been long.

The future of te reo Maori was the subject of a claim before the Waitangi Tribunal in 1985. The tribunal’s recommendations were far-reaching. Maori became an official language of New Zealand in 1987, the other being English. Te Taura Whiri i te Reo Mori (Maori Language Commission) was established in the same year to promote te reo. Along with the Human Rights Commission and Te Puni Kokiri, it plays a key role in the annual Maori Language Week.

The Decline and Revival of Te Reo Maori

In the last 200 years the history of the Maori language (te reo Maori) has been one of ups and downs. At the beginning of the 19th century it was the predominant language spoken in Aotearoa/New Zealand. As more English speakers arrived in New Zealand, the Maori language was increasingly confined to Maori communities. By the mid-20th century there were concerns that the language was dying out. Major initiatives launched from the 1980s have brought about a revival of te reo. In the early 21st century, over 130,000 people of Maori ethnicity could speak and understand te reo, one of the two official languages of New Zealand.

One land, many dialects The Maori language evolved in Aotearoa over several hundred years.

There were regional variations that probably developed during the relative isolation of local populations. The different village or island origins of the canoe crews from eastern Polynesian islands,whose peoples were the ancestors of modern Maori, also contributed to regional variation. Maori had no formal written language, but there was a wide variety of readily understood communication methods in such things as carving, knots or weaving.

Maori: a common means of communication For the first half century or so of the European settlement of Aotearoa,

18

Every year since 1975 New Zealand has marked Maori Language Week.

This is a time for all New Zealanders to celebrate te reo Maori (the Maori language) and to use more Maori phrases in everyday life.

the Maori language was a common way of communicating. Early settlers had to learn to speak the language if they wished to trade with Maori because settlers were dependent on Maori for many things at this time.

With the arrival of more settlers, the need for written communication in Maori grew. Missionaries made the first attempts to write down the Maori language as early as 1814. Professor Samuel Lee of Cambridge University worked with the chief Hongi Hika and his junior relative Waikato to systematise the written language in 1820. Literacy and expanded numeracy were two exciting new concepts that Maori took up enthusiastically. Missionaries of the 1820s reported how Maori all over the country taught each other to read and write, using innovative materials, such as leaves and charcoal, carved wood and the cured skins of introduced animals, when there was no paper available.

Up to the 1870s, and in some cases for several decades more, it was not unusual for government officials, missionaries and prominent Pakeha to speak Maori. Their children often grew up with Maori children, and these sons and daughters of the early missionaries and officials were among the most fluent European speakers and writers of Maori. Particularly in rural areas, the interaction between Maori and Pakeha was constant.

Korero Pakeha Pakeha were in the majority by the early 1860s and English became the dominant language of New Zealand. Increasingly, te reo was confined to Maori communities that existed separately from the Pakeha majority.

The Maori language was not understood as an essential expression and envelope of Maori culture, important for Maori in maintaining their pride and identity as a people. Maori was now officially discouraged, and many Maori themselves questioned its relevance in a Pakeha-dominated world where the most important value seemed to be to get ahead as an individual.

The Maori language was suppressed in schools, either formally or informally, so that Maori youngsters could assimilate with the wider community. Some older Maori still recall being punished for speaking their language. In the mid-1980s Sir James Henare remembered many years earlier being sent into the bush to cut a piece of pirita (supplejack

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

A BILINGUAL UNIT IN 1981

vine) with which he was struck for speaking te reo in the school grounds. One teacher told him that ‘English is the bread-and-butter language, and if you want to earn your bread and butter you must speak English.

By the 1920s only a few private schools still taught Maori grammar as a school subject. Many Maori parents encouraged their children to learn English and even to turn away from other aspects of Maori custom. Increasing numbers of Maori people learnt English because they needed it in the workplace or places of recreation such as the football field. ‘Korero Pakeha’ (Speak English) was seen as essential for Maori people.

A language lives Despite the emphasis on speaking English, the Maori language persisted. Until the Second World War most Maori spoke Maori as their first language. They worshipped in Maori, and Maori was the language of the marae. More importantly, it was the language of the home and parents could pass on the language to their children. Political meetings, such as those of the Kotahitanga parliament in the 1890s, were conducted in Maori, there were Maori newspapers and literature such as Apirana Ngata’s waiata collection, Nga moteatea, published in Maori with English translations.

The language that Maori spoke was undergoing change. All living languages are influenced by the other languages their speakers hear. English became the major source of borrowed words, which were then altered by Maori usage to fit

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

By the mid-20th century there were concerns that the language was dying out. both euphonically and grammatically.

Such loan words are called transliterations, for example, teihana (station) and hoiho (horse).

Some transliterations were unnecessary. Maori had perfectly good names for places like Napier (Ahuriri), but sometimes transliterations of the European names, such as Nepia (Napier) or Karauripe (Cloudy Bay), were used. The English language in New Zealand was also changing and borrowing words from Maori or Polynesian languages, such as taboo (tapu), kit (kete) or Kiwi (a New Zealander.)

The lure of the city The Second World War brought about momentous changes for Maori society. There was plenty of work available in towns and cities due to the war and Maori moved into urban areas in greater numbers. Before the war, about 75% of Maori lived in rural areas. Two decades later, approximately 60% lived in urban centres.

English was the language of urban New

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

Zealand – at work, in school and in leisure activities. Maori children went to city schools where Maori was unheard of in teaching programmes. The new, enforced contact of large numbers of Maori and Pakeha for the first time caused much strain and stress, and te reo was one of the things to suffer.

The number of Maori speakers began to decline rapidly. By the 1980s less than 20% of Maori knew enough te reo to be regarded as native speakers. Even for those people, Maori was ceasing to be the language of everyday use in the home. Some urbanised Maori people became divorced from their language and culture. Others maintained contact with their original communities, returning for important hui (meetings) and tangihanga (funerals) or allowing the kaumatua at home to adopt or care for their children.

Seeds of change From the 1970s many Maori people reasserted their identity as Maori. An emphasis on the language as an integral part of Maori culture was central to this. Maori leaders were increasingly recognising the dangers of the loss of Maori language. New groups emerged and made a commitment to strengthening Maori culture and the language.

One of these urban-based groups, Nga Tamatoa (The Young Warriors) petitioned Parliament to promote the language. Maori language day eventually became Maori language week in 1975. Three years later, New Zealand’s first officially bilingual school opened at Ruatoki in the Urewera, and the first

19

Maori-owned Maori-language radio station (Te Reo-o-Poneke) went to air in 1983.

Major Maori language recovery programmes began in the 1980s. Many were targeted at young people and the education system. The kohanga reo movement, which immersed Maori pre-schoolers in the Maori language, began in 1982; the first kohanga reo opened in Lower Hutt that year. Other programmes followed, such as kura kaupapa, a system of primary schooling in a Maori-language environment.

The kia ora controversy Increasingly, Maori words were heard on radio and television, and read in the newspaper.

The first Maori television programme began broadcasting in 1980 with the half-hour show Koha. Some announcers said ‘kia ora’ at the beginning of radio shows or when reading news bulletins.

But there was some controversy. In 1984 national telephone tolls operator Naida Glavish (of Ngati Whatua) began greeting callers with kia ora. Her supervisor insisted that she use only formal English greetings, and when Glavish refused, she was demoted.

The issue sparked widespread public debate. Not everyone was keen to hear kia ora used commonly, but many people came out in support of using Maori greetings.

People called the tolls exchange to speak to ‘the kia ora lady’, and airline pilots began to say kia ora when greeting passengers. After the prime minister intervened in the issue, Glavish returned to her old job. Eventually, she was promoted to the international tolls exchange where she greeted New Zealand and overseas callers alike with kia ora.

Legislating for change Efforts to secure the survival of the Maori language stepped up a gear in 1985. In that year the Waitangi Tribunal heard the Te Reo Maori claim, which asserted that te reo was a taonga (a treasure) that the Crown or government was obliged to protect under the Treaty of Waitangi. The Waitangi Tribunal found in favour of the claimants and recommended a number of legislative and policy remedies. The following year saw Maori made an official language of New Zealand

20

1972 MAORI LANGUAGE PETITION

The Maori language was not understood as an essential expression and envelope of Maori culture, important for Maori in maintaining their pride and identity as a people.

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

under the Maori Language Act 1987.

There are now many institutions, most set up since the 1980s, working to recover te reo. Even so, the decline of the Maori language has only just been arrested. There is a resurgence of te reo, but to remain viable as a language, Maori needs a critical mass of fluent speakers of all ages, and it needs the respect and support of the wider English-speaking and multi-ethnic New Zealand community.

Material reproduced with the permission of the Ministry of Culture and Heritage – www.nzhistory.net.nz

Maori Language Statistics Highlights from The Health of the Maori Language Survey 2001 •

Speaking proficiency generally increased with age, although there is some indication that the proportion with high proficiency skills is increasing in the youngest surveyed age group of 15-24 years (5,400 people aged 15-24 years had high proficiency skills compared with 2,800 people aged 25-34 years).

•

Those with high speaking proficiency skills were more likely than other people to have been exposed to the Maori language as a child.

•

Eleven percent of Maori adults (34,900 people) said they had been a student in a Maori language course in the 12 months preceding the survey.

•

55% of Maori adults listened to Maori radio, and 85% watched Maori language programming.

•

One-fifth of Maori adults had helped or worked for one or more Maori revitalisation initiatives in the 12 months preceding the survey. These people were generally unpaid workers.

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

21

Ground floor, Student Union Building, University of Waikato, Gate One, Knighton Road, Hamilton Mon-Fri: 8:30AM – 4:30 PM www.wsu.org.nz

Phone: 07 856 9139 Fax: 07 856 3161

Te Huinga Tauira I’d like to take the opportunity to welcome everybody back to Te Whare Wananga o Waikato. And of course a big welcome to all the newly enrolled tauira. University can be a scary place so if you need any awhina or manaaki, ka haere mai koe ki WSU and we will be happy to help you out.

During the holidays Elaine and I were involved with the NZUSA conference held down at Lincoln University. It was an enlightening experience and a lot of networking and knowledge sharing was encompassed. And of course one of the main kaupapa that as brought to the forefront of discussion was Te Huinga Tauira.

New WSU Awards for Sole Parents and Caregivers!

This week WSU is proud to announce the “WSU Sole parent / caregiver awards” There are TWO awards of $1000 each and they are intended to encourage and celebrate the efforts, achievements and contributions of adult learners who are also Sole Parents / Caregivers. We have done a quick check of the scholarship databases and have not found any other scholarships or awards that are specifically for this group so are really excited to be bringing this to you.

Designed to compliment the Vice Chancellors Adult Learners awards which celebrate adult learners (those over the age of 25), the new WSU award recognises that there are many of you who are not 25 but who have children and other “adult” responsibilities.

The WSU exec have put this together so that you can be nominated by staff, your friends, or even apply for it yourself. We want this to be accessible to as many of you as possible.

Don’t forget that there are criteria that you will need to meet in order to be eligible for these awards; specifically you will need to be a sole parent or caregiver. Nominations close Friday 3 August, 2007 so get in quick!

For more information contact scholarships@waikato.ac.nz As always, if there is anything that you have questions about or would like to bring us with the executive please feel free to contact us or come and attend our weekly executive meeting which is Monday’s 9-11am.

Yes that’s right koutou ma, you read it right, Te Huinga Tauira. Now anybody who has had the privilege of being able to experience a Te Huinga Tauira haerenga would be able to tell you that this is an amazing trip that is designed for Maori tauira to come together and network from universities and polytechnics all over the motu.

This year this hui is being held at Manawatahi (Massy Palmerston North) and at this stage the tentative date is for the first week of October. Before I go ahead with any plans to take a roopu from Waikato down, I would like YOU te tauira to come and tell me if you are interested in taking part. There is limited spaces so the sooner you come and see me the easier it will be to organise a haerenga. Look out in the next couple of weeks for an update to the proceedings of this haerenga.

Once again, welcome back, study hard and good luck for the rest of the semester.

Tatiana & Elaine MAORI STUDENTS’ OFFICERS maori@wsu.org.nz

>>

Poetry in Motion Jump on the Route 13 Bus on Friday 27th July and you’ll be treated to live readings of some of the best NZ poetry. 7.40am-9.00am, Route 13-University.

Moira Neho VICE PRESIDENT WSU vp@wsu.org.nz

22

Upcoming events

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

Tertiary Funding Changes There’s a lot happening to the way our education is being funded.

At the macro level, funding is moving towards a three-year model, with quality rather than quantity being a key driver.

Three year funding will be based on the investment plans as produced by the provider. There will be more money for research, with a strong focus on quality outcomes. (www.tec.govt.nz) However the main point from my wide document review is this statement on the Tertiary Education Commissions website FAQ section which answers the question of where students fit in to investing in a plan system: “Students are at the heart of the Investing in a Plan system and a key stakeholder. Therefore, understanding and addressing the needs and priorities of students (and other stakeholders) should be a key part of TEOs’ Investment Plans.

It is also important to note that the Investing in a Plan system seeks to improve the quality of provision and consequently enhance achievement and other outcomes for students”.

And so whanau, the moral of today’s korero is that we are a key stakeholder in the institution and on this basis shouldn’t our opinion count more than what is currently provided for? More seats on council please Jim...

Eduwhets & Edupene Education Officers education@wsu.org.nz

Legalised Art

Le

COPYRIGHT ROYALTIES 1 on 1 sessions Friendly environment CONTRACTS Leading law firm with 80 years experience Did we mention its FREE? NEGOTIATIONS Call HCAC for more info or to book in (07) 838 6424 WWW.HCAC.ORG.NZ TRUSTS OWNERSHIP LEGAL ENTITIES Getting ripped off or not knowing where you stand?

Free legal advice for the creative arts is now available for Hamilton artists

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

Gettin Free availa

1 on 1 Friend Leadi Did w

Call H (07) 8

This service is one of the benefits of becoming an HCAC member and supporting the arts in Hamilton (membership $5)

This se and su

Initiated by the Hamilton Community Arts Council in partnership with leading law firm Tompkins Wake

Initiate with lea

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

23

Clubs With this week being Te Wiki O Te Reo Maori, I though that it only right that I find a club with Maori links to visit. So this Wednesday I am going to visit Te Whakahiapo or the Maori Law Students’ Association.

Not being a Law Student but being Maori I was trying to think of something that a Maori would say regarding law and the only thing that came to mind from personal experience was how do I plea? “Not Guilty” or “Yep I’ve been on T.V…Police 10-7”.

So once again we have your Sport & (W)Rec Officer going out there so that you my fellow students are aware of what clubs we have out there.

I will report back next week with what Te Whakahiapo is really about that is if there are no Objections to my being at their meeting.

Glen Delamere SPORTS AND RECREATION OFFICER sports@wsu.org.nz

Free Benefit for all WSU members

Alternative Energy from the Wind On the 11th July we attended a seminar at the Ferrybank sponsored by the Resource Management Law Association on Wind Energy. It was very interesting and had two presenters the CEO from Wind Energy NZ and a representative from the RMLA. It was good to see the ins and outs of what is going on in the sector and the potential sites that NZ has.

It also shows how NZ is moving forward to using and researching renewable energy sources which will benefit us and the environment in the future.

Did you know…?

• • •

Wind Energy contributes to 2% of New Zealand’s Energy.

The turbines are only audible as background noise and there are no health impacts.

The blades are 45 metres in length.

Claire and Katy ENVIRONMENTAL OFFICERS environment@wsu.org.nz

Don’t forget that as a member of the Waikato Students’ Union, you have access to a special new benefit.

All members are now covered by a $1000 Accidental Death Benefit at absolutely no cost and no obligation. This is designed to assist the family if tragedy should strike a member of our union.

In addition to this, we are also available to offer an extra $5000 Accidental Death Benefit for just $1 for the first year. This optional extra is guaranteed renewable every year thereafter for just $2.50 per year.

This benefit is provided by AIL of New Zealand – www.ailnz.co.nz or freephone 0800 127 887

24

WSU STUDENT BALL

CANCELLED It is with regret that we announce the cancellation of the WSU Student Ball due to insufficient pre-sales numbers.

Thank you to those who did support this event by buying tickets in advance or by offering volunteer service for decorations.

Full refunds are available at WSU reception upon presentation of your ball ticket.

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

Accomodation Flatmates wanted: To live with two guys in 4 bedroom flat. 1 sunny double room & 1 slightly smaller room available- $110 p/w each includes rent, power and appliances. This flat is in a fun area next to the warehouse and shops, and just a 5 minute walk to Uni. Available now! First in first served, call/text Maia on 0273385131 Flatmate wanted: to flat with four 2nd year students, edinburgh rd, 5 min walk to uni, large room, nice house. Rent $140 per week incl expenses (food, power, phone, internet). contact us on 027 4635841 or 859 3131 Flatmate Wanted: 1 flatmate wanted for a 5 bedroom house with 2 bathrooms, large living and dining area, fire for heating, largest room in house.

The flats close to the university and amenities (Hogan Street), amazing flatmates- 1 male and 3 female all in their early 20’s and at university! Rent is only $91 Flatmate wanted: to live with three friendly uni students, 2 guys and a girl. Four double bedroom house with fireplace, on uni bus route. 30 minute walk from uni and town. Rent $82 per week plus expenses.

One double room available now.

Phone or txt 027 462 3250.

Flatmate moving out to live with boyfriend. Please phone or txt Teddy 027 460 94 80.

Flatmate wanted: Looking for a flatmate or two to share with an easy-going couple. Rent $85 p.w. plus expenses (broadband, power, phone) House is fully furnished except for bedroom. OSP, no pets.

Looking for a new flatty NOW!! To live with 3 awesum 19year old chicks...

We got everything but sky.. $82.50+expenses. Contact Brooke on 0211835827 or 0273919751 or bw60@waikato.ac.nz Two rooms available in May St: very handy to uni (5 min walk to gate 2a). one room is extremely sunny, ideal for winter. the other is upstairs in an attic so rather small on the dimensions (low ceiling) but price is small accordingly. Every room has broadband, telephone jack, electric heater. Gas installed so unlimited hot water. Big student house but quiet. Friendly though.

Text msg only to 0273481415 Two flatmates wanted: York st (close to uni), $76 rent p/w, 1 sleepout, 1 inside room, laid-back student flat.

Txt 021 181 6003 ASAP! Two fun and easygoing flatmates wanted for large modern home in hillcrest to share with 3 female and 1 male students. 12min walk to uni and near shops. Rent is $80-$95 respectively and includes wireless, phone and power. House has large living area and deck. Fully set up with TV, DVD and BBQ. call 8591154 or txt 0274284251.

Please arrive 5 minutes before class and wear loose comfortable clothes and bare feet. To participate, join Unity Dance Co (student dance club). Inquiries to class teachers before class.

Drummer wanted for originals alt/indie/rock band - 027 296 0858

FREE to all: Rock n Roll Wednesday 1-2pm with Ed on July 26th and August 1st.

FREE to all: Bboying/ Bgirling Wednesday 1-2pm with Dujon 8th August.

All welcome. All classes at the Academy Dance Studio.

Drummer wanted: Hamilton based alt rock band seeks drummer. No experience necessary.

Contact Marcus on 858 3644 or at myspace.com/sumolovemachine

Student Groups and Meetings Dance classes during B semester: Monday 910.30am dance warm up classes in the Academy Dance Studio. All welcome.

Thursday 9-10.30am Contemporary dance technique classes in the Academy Dance Studio.

Some Wednesday 1-2pm workshops coming soon.

��������������������� �����������������������

����

Vodafone sim card for sale. Only$15. Contact: jk109@waikato.ac.nz

Situations Vacant Focus Group Wanted: 10 people are required to participate in

Parent Support Group on Campus: Would you find it useful to meet with other students who are parents here at the University of Waikato? A new group has started, meeting Wednesdays 1-2pm in the Mature Students Room (in the cowshed near the dairy, Studylink and Citizen’s Advice Bureau).

Facilitated by Bethwyn Littler, Student Counselling Services.

���� ���������������

For Sale Text book for sale: Human development in Aotearoa.

Very good condition only 6 months old , $45. Contact jk109@waikato.ac.nz

If you would like to advertise a notice here then email it to nexus@waikato. ac.nz. Keep it roughly around 100 words and send it in before Tuesday 5PM for next week’s issue. We will fit in as many notices as we can!

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

market research on Friday 27 of July at 2pm. Every participant will go in the draw to win a $50 burgerholics voucher.

Email Tracey at tan9@waikato. ac.nz to register interest

�

Avail August 11th. Contact 021570562

������������������������������������������������������� �������������������

���

��������������

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

�����������������

����������������

25

, z The Pre s Guide to Handy Maori words

Ww

Ss

Uu

I thought that it might be useful for me to outline how we can use basic words in our everyday language in order to gain more of an understanding of Maori language and customs.

We are at Waikato after all, the heart of the Tainui region and the ONLY University with an indigenous name in the country!

Hui — a meeting of any kind,

Haere mai! — Welcome! Enter!

Haka — chant with dance for

conference, gathering This can be used when, like arranging group meetings in the library or at some ones house… “hey peeps, shall we have a hui at the library to work on this later?”

Very useful when you are greeting people at your house, office or are hosting a party somewhere: “Haere Mai, take a seat… how can I help you?”

the purpose of challenge Yeah, we should all know this one by now.

Marae — the area for formal discourse in front of a meeting house or applied to a whole marae complex, including meeting house, dining hall, forecourt, etc.

This is quite useful to know just ‘cos you should if you are a kiwi!

Want to learn Te Reo Maori?

Manuhiri — guests, visitors Pretty self explanatory.

Waiata — song or chant “Kia ora, Radio Tainui, how can I help?”

“Oh, kia ora. Can I please request a waiata and send a big shout out to….”

Tangata whenua — original people Whare paku — lavatory, toilet belonging to a place, local people, hosts Again, no need to elaborate further…

Very, very important when trying to be polite and discreet as possible in asking where the toilet is.

The following are a few institutions here in Hamilton that offer courses to learn Te Reo Maori: Waikato University offer Te Reo Maori courses in both A & B Semesters through the mainstream forum, however there is a highly recommended course run through The School of Maori and Pacific Develepment called Te Tohu Paetahi. If you are serious about learning Te Reo and have not heard of this course prior to this article, it is well worth looking into.

Te Whare Wananga o Awanuiarangi offer courses to learn te reo. The course is commonly known as Te Ataarangi. They can be contacted toll free on 0508 863676.

Te Whare Wananga o Aotearoa offer courses to learn te reo. The course is commonly known as Te Ara Reo. For any further information they can be contacted on 0800 355 553.

WINTEC offer Te Reo Maori courses through Te Toi-a-kiwa, School of Maori, Pacific & Indigenous Studies. For any further information they can be contacted toll free on 0800 2 WINTEC.

26

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

JULY

Kaupapa

Kaikawe

SEPTEMBER

Kaupapa

Kaikawe

11th

Poi / Waiata

Maria Huata A1.01

5th

Waiata

Maria Huata A1.01

18th

Poi / Waiata

Maria Huata A1.01

12th

Waiata

Maria Huata A1.01

25th

Poi / Waiata

Maria Huata A1.01

19th

Raranga

Donna Campbell

27th

Ngahau ki te Marae Atea Te Kohinga Marama Marae

26th

Super 10 Haka Heat 1

University Banks

3rd

Super 10 Haka Heat 2

University Banks

10th

Cultural University Banks Extravaganza Super 10 Final

-

AUGUST

OCTOBER --

1st

Tititorea

8th

Hakinakina

15th

Tititorea

-

--

Maria Huata A1.01 University Fields Maria Huata A1.01

CROSSWORD

HELLO!

Across 1. Snotrag (12) 10. Gives up (7) 11. Watch (7) 12. BBQ garment (5) 13. Collects signals (8) 15. Methodological (10) 16. Pull heavily (4) 18. Expanse (4) 20. Beneath water (10) 22. Contaminated (8) 24. Precise (5) 26. Core (7) 27. Place under cover (7) 28. Fulfilling requirements (12)

Ninja dookie been doing some thinking.

Maybe you would like to learn some ninjitsu, be cool like me and fellow ninja?

K A W E R A U A R I A W A A W U U P A P A I O E A O R P N H K A O P O T I K I T U N I U A A R I K A M A T E O Z L H H K W I A W A R A P K L M A A A A H T F R O G O I O A G M I T T I K I P C T A T V N O T E A A A Z U I I K A U U T A R B U N I A H O X U A A U I Y A A R E T K K T T K T P A G O Y W K Z M I A A A E I R I R U H A D I U Y H R R U F E E C Y R I A L V I O E U B P A O R T U T Q I J A H W Z A M I A K O M I R C P O T A K A H R O T O R U A M

AHURIRI AKAROA AWAITI HAURAKI HERETAUNGA IKAROA KAIKOURA

KAITAIA KAWERAU KAWHIA MAEROA MOKAI MOTUPIU OPOTIKI

OTAUTAHI OTEPOTI PAPAIOEA PARAWAI PIHA POTAKA ROTORUA

Issue 14 Answers Across: 8. Sleeve, 9. Preceded, 10.

Minister, 11. Player, 12. Burden, 13.

Specimen, 14. Measles, 16. Science, 20.

Estimate, 23. Subtle, 25. Makers, 26.

Theories, 27. Governor, 28. Themes.

Down: 1. Altitude, 2. Behind, 3.

Sentence, 4. Oppress, 5. People, 6.

Relative, 7. Severe, 15. Shivered, 17.

Cassette, 18. Colleges, 19. Letters, 21.

Shadow, 22. Absent, 24. Barges.

Down 2. Changed (7) 3. Absence of light (8) 4. Effortless (4) 5. Works together (10) 6. Sending out (5) 7. Endless (7) 8. Committees (13) 9. Cooling appliances (13) 14. Royalty who seem to always get kidnapped in videogames (10) 17. She’s the ______ thing (8) 19. Results (7) 21. Farm machinery (7) 23. Treasure container (5) 25. Continent (4)

SUDOKU

WORDFIND

Best way to learn first is roll on ground.

By rolling on ground, you get in touch with ground. Ground is your friend, but ground also enemy.

By rolling on ground you relax ground and ground like you more, but ground can still be painful so make sure to roll around before you go mission.

RUATAHUNA TAMAKI TAUPO TIRAU TOI WAIRAU WHAKATANE What did the cat say to the mouse?

Be first to bring you completed wordfind to Nexus! Win free DVD rental from Auteur House (555 Victoria St). It very good!

28

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

Ninjas are everywhere. Meow!

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

BY BLAIR THIS WEEK:

Birds

When mating, a hummingbird’s wings beat 200 times a second.

A hummingbird weighs less than a ten cent piece.

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

The English Sparrow is not a sparrow and it comes from Africa, not England.

Ninety percent of all species that have become extinct have been birds.

A Woodpecker can peck 20 times per second, all without getting a headache (air pockets in their skull cushion the brain).

There is approximately one chicken for every human being in the world.

The Practitioner, a British medical journal, has determined that bird-watching may be hazardous to your health, officially designating it as a “hazardous hobby,” after a weekend bird-watcher became so immersed in his subject that he grew oblivious to his surroundings and was consequently eaten by a crocodile.

Flamingos eat with their heads upside down to strain the water out of their food.

The Artic Tern flies from the North Pole to the South Pole and then back again to spend summer in each place.

Most wild birds live only 10% of their normal life span.

A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle, a group of geese in the air is a skein.

Tens of thousands of birds a year die from smashing into windows.

Owls are one of the only birds who can see the colour blue.

Ostriches can run faster than horses and the males can roar like lions.

In order to scare away predators, Giant Petrels, a type of seabird, throw up all over the intruder.

The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds.

Hello again, disgusting readers. While you have been frolicking and fornicating in inch-deep puddles of your own filth, I have been carefully assembling some of the greatest moments in waiKato history.

Feast your eyes upon these recorded annals of triumph. Yeah I’m lazy.

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

29

Bogan yn Te & Tar

Bogan Personality Tester

On Thursday night, July 26, the Waikato rugby team travel down to Balmy Palmy (Palmerston North) to take on Manawatu to get their attempted defense of the Air NZ Cup title underway.

What kind of alcohol was ‘used’ when you were conceived?

(A) Bourbon (B) Waikato (C) Double Brown (D) Wine

This year, the Mooloo men have five games at home and five games on the road. They play only 10 of the other 13 teams in the competition – it is not a full round-robin. The teams Waikato miss out on playing during the regular season are Bay of Plenty, Otago and Taranaki. The ordinary season is followed by the playoffs, which consists of quarter-finals, semifinals and the finals. They will be in October.

What would you name your child after?

(A) A brand of alcohol (come here little Woodstock) (B) A famous musician (come here little Hendrix) (C) A brand of car (come here little Holden Commodore) (D) A brand of doll (come here little Barbie) What would a guy Bogan give his missus for a present?

(A) Nothing, they’re still passed out on the floor from the piss up the night before (B) A ticket to Pantera (C) A Metal shirt (D) A box of chocolates Your pet is….

(A) A big fuck off Rottweiler (B) A pitbull (C) A snake (D) A Chihuahua The Bogan of the party is the…

(A) The person who passed out in the middle of the floor after vomiting Castlepoint (B) The person taking over the stereo with Slayer (C) Debating which guitarist is better (D) Disco Stu Add up your scores. Each A answer is 20%, B answer is 15%, C answer is 10% and D answer is -10% to give you the total ‘Bogan Percentage’. If you got a negative percentage we shall send an expert (Danzig) around to rectify the situation through careful tutorage with a large mallet.

Waikato have not shown great form during the first two pre-season warm-up matches. They played the two main feeder provinces for the Hurricanes franchise. They drew with Wellington (the team they beat in the 2006 final) and lost to Taranaki 29-12, and by the time you read this, would have played Bay of Plenty on Friday night, July 20.

If North Harbour beats Taranaki in their Round 2 encounter at Albany, Waikato will have their first Ranfurly Shield challenge since 2005. This challenge will be played at Albany on August 25. The last time Waikato held the shield, they strung together a sequence of 21 successful defenses (1997-2000) in what is the ninth longest reign of the Shield’s 103-year history.

Waikato Home Games (Waikato Stadium) v Southland

5.30 pm, Saturday 4th August

v Counties Manukau

7.35 pm, Friday 17th August

v Canterbury

7.35 pm, Saturday 1st September

v Wellington

7.35 pm, Friday 14th September

v Northland

2.35 pm, Saturday 29th September

Stay Bogan \m/

30

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

Dear Agony Art,

I’m sitting here on a beautiful Waikato day (cloudy and gloomy) wishing I had started writing this week’s instalment sooner. iCal reminds me each and every day to work on next week’s 350 words, but like the lazy first-year I am, I leave everything till the last minute.

I know it has to be done, I can just picture in my head some hot 18 year old girl who gets excited about coming in early Monday morning to read my article and who would be absolutely gutted if it didn’t appear one week. I sure hope this hot 18 year old girl isn’t in fact a 40 year old guy. By publishing this in a hard-copy magazine, I can at least make a somewhat safe assumption that at least some hot girls are reading this.

If this were the internet, I couldn’t make this assumption because of the vast anonymity and the ease of making up a different identity, not in any way linked to your own.

I had a super hot girl sleep over in my bed last Saturday. I asked her not to get too wasted before she came over because I wanted to root her. But she was wasted as and passed out next to me before we could get our root on. Should I have touched her vadge or was I right to play the gentleman?

Bebo from BCGD (Studville 2.221) Dear Bebo from BCGD (Studville 2.221), You’re not off to a good start with that name of yours, especially when you are in the habit of not touching vadge.

I mean…. Do you LIKE touching vadge? Most straight guys do… and a few gay ones as well. I mean, it’s fine that you played the gentleman (whatever the fuck that means) but think about this: there’s a lot of gay gentleman out there. The only positive here is at least I know that when I get too wasted and pass out in your bed, I won’t have to worry about you touching my vadge…. I mean balls.

Think about games like Second Life or World of Warcraft, where people can pretend to be anyone they like without anyone else being the wiser. Want to pretend you’re a millionaire who just inherited a castle in France? No problem!

It doesn’t matter on the internet, its just this vast area where your inner mind can go nuts without fear of repercussions.

The problem is knowing when to stop, like in the case of some people who have dedicated their whole lives to playing Second Life, completely ignoring their first one.

For example, a few of my friends and I started playing this online game. It started off just as a way to waste spare time, but it quickly involved this addictive part of my regular life that requires me to be online every 2 hours, consuming all the time I have to do necessary things like write articles or do Philosophy homework. The same rule applies to many fun things you do online to pass the time, like posting on forums; it can quickly consume you alive.

Dear Agony Art, What’s worse: watching bestiality porn or getting off on it? This is a purely speculative question, on account of me not getting off on either option.

Scott T Dear Scott, Well Scott, there’s a few ways to examine the question you’ve put to me. I heard recently that some of New Zealand’s “morally-upstanding” policemen watched a bunch of animal porn back in the Eighties, so maybe it’s ok to watch it if they did. The police wouldn’t break the law either, being the pillars of society that they are. Also, when you’re committing bestiality, at least you are rooting something. When you watch it you are just beating off. And you know what that would make you? It would make you a wanker, like those cops. No one likes to be a wanker now, do they Scott? My advice to you (if you are in fact weighing up these two options) is this: go fuck a sheep, instead of watching someone else doing it.

Just because the chief of police got off on it doesn’t mean we have to. It’s also not a matter of which is worse, just which is more fun for you. And fucking, in every shape and form, is fun for everyone. Except, of course, the sheep.

So, I guess the point that I was really trying to make is; don’t leave things ‘til the last minute, or else you’ll end up sitting in L block with your laptop out trying to type up a column for Nexus.

AS COOL AS SECOND LIFE LOOKS HERE, IT’S REALLY NOT.

See you round the barnyard

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

31

Will Nexus be less funny if the ‘anti-satire bill’ comes into effect?

Yes, definitely. Aside from the fact that there is no actual ‘bill’ that could come into effect, merely some house rules which everyone will ignore, there is still the distinct possibility that if such a thing were to happen, then Nexus would become less funny. There is also a distinct possibility that Nexus will become less funny anyway, so it’s difficult to tell if the relationship is causal.

Is Jim Bolger really a nice guy under all the potato?

Without a doubt. I love Irish people. I don’t know if Jim Bolger is Irish, but what I do know is that the Irish people love potatoes. And I love anything that the Irish people love. So if Jim Bolger eats potatoes, grows potatoes, drives potatoes, talks to potatoes, or indeed is a potato, then it is guaranteed that he is a super-nice guy. Yum.

I can’t believe it’s not butter, can you?

Without a doubt. I can’t believe it at all! It looks like butter. It tastes like butter. It even lubricates like butter. How can it not be butter? This is what I mean about the miracle of science. Every day, amazing things are being created, like butter which isn’t really butter but which tricks you into believing that it is butter, like magic enchanted butter. It’s like an episode of The Smurfs, except with no smurfberries and more enchanted butter.

Is everyone who makes the covers for Nexus on drugs?

Because they sure make me feel like I’m on drugs.

Outlook good. Outlook psychedelically look. I can safely predict that anyone who has ever made a cover for Nexus is off their tits on weird hallucinogens 93% of the time.

Does student radio still exist in Hamilton?

My sources say no. My sources aren’t very trustworthy or reliable, mind you. But that’s what they’re saying.

In the meantime, Contact 88.1FM keeps chugging along, over there in enchanted oblivion-land.

32

Is that cute music editor boy single?

My sources say no. Don’t let that stop you though. You never know, if you wield your magic love wand around enough you might be able to tempt even the most attached of cute editor boys.

Does crime actually pay?

It is decidedly so. I don’t have to use my magic to answer this question. We can just examine the evidence. Look at all those people out there obeying the law who aren’t rich. There’s thousands of them. Now look at all those rich people who break the law. I think the numbers speak for themselves.

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

Generation Y-Me? Part One of Two Welcome. This week, we’ve decided to seek the opinions of the people who read us. So, for the first time in our column’s short history, we bring you our first of two guest columnists - Sandy Peaches from Taumaruanui. She will bring you her opinion on the changing zeitgeist of this generation and how it has affected her and her friends over the course of a weekend: I’m Sandy. I’m 18. And I’m the life of the party. And, like, I know this coz, like, my friend Gemma’s friend Gemma told me so on Saturday night. Oh my god, like Gemma’s friend Gemma is so hot! And I fully don’t mean that in a sexy way oi, I mean it the way that Paris Hilton says it.

Anyway, on Friday night me and my friends got together to start, like, getting ready for Saturday night! You know with like face masks and manicures and, like, stuff like that oi. Then on Saturday night we went to this, like, totally freakin’ cool party that Sally’s cousin Becky’s friend Suzy had! It was so cool except I had, like, three cruisers and I was totally wasted!

Anyway, it was a normal party. A bit of Timberlake playing, a couple of guys puking which was real gross oi but also kind of hot oi coz it shows that they’re secure with themselves oi. I felt so bad for one of them I hooked up with him but it was just a joke oi. Plus I’d had some cruisers and was wasted.

So then we like went to town. It was so fully cool. Then this, like, guy came up and, like, started grabbing me oi. That was the only, like, downer. Why do guys think we’re easy? We don’t dress up to impress guys. We do it for ourselves. That’s why I bought a new dress from Supre. It was real short and I’m going to be, like, sick for a week now but it was totally worth it. Anyway, guys just came up and were being all grotty and stuff. And it’s like, oi, just coz we’re dressed up and dancing round the poles and Kelly and Tiffany are hooking up (as a joke oi) doesn’t mean we want that kind of attention! Yeah but oi, apart from that, it was totally awesome oi! So hot.

Next week: Part Two!

I know that the last piece of correspondence I published led me into all sorts of trouble; and one does feel that to publish another of one’s letters is tempting fate. But when this intriguing morsel was deftly slipped between the quivering lips of my impatient box by my muscular postman, I felt I just had to share it with my darling readers.

Dear Miss Candice Bottomsworth, Although we have never met, it has come to my attention that we share a mutual acquaintance or two.

As it happens, I was taking tea with Lord and Lady Clitty aboard their launch just off St Tropez, when the conversation turned to the subject of your pussy.

Both the Clittys felt that it was one of the softest they had ever stroked, and as they, together, possess the most expertise in such matters that I have ever encountered, I gladly deferred to their judgement.

Lady Clitty, in particular, has devoted much of her valuable time to the subject. And as much as I would like to write a letter devoted solely to the joys of your delightful muffin, I fear I have a more serious motive for my correspondence.

Would you be so kind as to bring her along to Harrowfield in a fortnight’s time? We are having our annual cat show and would be ever so grateful if you could display your pussy for us.

Of course, you would not be alone in doing so! Our shows are, as you may know (and forgive me if I insult your experience) one of the biggest social events in the shire calendar, drawing visitors and exhibitionists from far and wide.

Please do consider it. Last year’s show was unfortunately marred when it was revealed that the winner of the ‘Most Improved’ ribbon had not entered her pussy at all, but rather had given her (rather mangy) beaver a brush and blow-wave and displayed that instead.

Of course, if you do decide to come, it would also be a chance for the two of us to slip off somewhere private to compare our little darlings.

I look forward to your response.

Yours truly, Lady Wilhelmina of Cuntley P.S. I hear that your cousin, Lady Beatrice, has an enormous Maine Coon. Is this true?

Of course, I threw the letter away in disgust. The sort of depravity which goes on at these events would make any decent person blush to the roots of their hair. My readers have come to expect a certain amount of intrepidity; but I hope that they will forgive me (and follow my example) when good sense, and sheer fear, prevents me from stepping into the bizarre and unchristian world of cat shows.

Next week: boy racers

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

33

Rumours

Time on Earth CROWDED HOUSE

with Captain Ahab Those crazy ol’ Black Seeds can’t catch a break. Apparently playing generic pop music isn’t enough. They are also wankers, we are told. Apparently being from Wellington entitles you to be a dick about riders and such. More hilarious is the kind of crowd that they managed to draw to The Bahama Hut during re-orientation, which included a number of female fans who had gone to the trouble of making billboards inviting Black Seeds singer Barnaby Weir to call them. If I was Barnaby Weir, I would insist that they attach the results from their last sexual health check to the billboard before I agreed to call their number. Though as Frank Zappa said, I’m sure they only like musicians “as friends”.

I hope you are excited about The Clientele visiting our shores.

More excitingly, New Zealand musical institution Robert Scott will be supporting them. He’s from The Bats and The Clean, just in case you are one of those My Chemical Romance wankers who doesn’t give a shit about anything. You kids and your music!

Having given fans little time to recover from the shock of the name change, Aucklanders Surf City have released a new music video. It’s on Youtube.

Reviewed by BURTON C. BOGAN

Also on the new videos front, The Brunettes have released a rather elaborate video for Her Hairagami Set. Like everything that the Brunettes have ever done, it’s sweet enough to make your pancreas just give up in a fit of twee-pop harmonies, sweater vests and insulin.

Apparently Brit-pop champions Blur are planning a reunion for sometime later in the year. Despite almost all of them having gone on to much greater things since Blur, they seem to be ready to drag themselves along the hit parade one more time. The line-up is also rumoured to include Graham Coxon, who was fired from the band prior to the recording of 2002’s Think Tank album.

Know any rumours, gossip or goings-on? Drop me a line at htownahab@gmail.com

It’s hard to view Time on Earth as a Crowded House album. It would sit much more naturally among Neil Finn’s solo output than as any kind of natural progression from 1993’s Together Alone. Given the 14 year interlude, several Neil Finn solo albums, and the death of original drummer Paul Hester, it’s not hard to see why this album might be a very different beast from the previous three. Once you accept that this is not really a Crowded House album, it is much easier to enjoy it as a work on its own. The well-crafted songs come together well with sparse, natural production to form a collection that is tonally very consistent and which stands up very well as an album. Tracks like Don’t Stop Now and Even a Child provide a welcome up-beat change amidst the large number of slightly maudlin ballads (which have always been Neil Finn’s strength). All in all, Time on Earth is worth a listen, particularly if you are a fan of Neil Finn’s solo output. Do not, however, make the mistake of expecting another Woodface, or you will be sorely disappointed. Approach this album with fresh ears and no expectations and you will be thoroughly rewarded.

Kindergarten Crackwhore DIC

Speaking of cool videos, The Reduction Agents have released a video for The Pool. If you don’t remember, this was that song that you have never heard of that was nominated for an APRA silver scroll (eventually losing to Don McGlashan). It’s a good song, and a cool video.

Finally, we are told that former Hamiltonian porno-rock band Amy Racecar have been recording somewhere in Melbourne. Look out for all the gossip from a few expatriate (and still-resident) Hamilton bands soon!

Reviewed by Captain Ahab

“With enough penicillin and a total lack of moral fibre on Fred’s part our couple should have a great time, on a date we like to call Blind Date with a Crackwhore.”

I FINALLY HAVE KILLING SPREE AT THE IRD ON CD! One of my favourite songs of all time written by my favourite Kiwi Metal Band.

Now I bought this CD a while ago, but what sort of Bogan would I be if I didn’t review it, particularly now that the total waste of time called Kiwi Music Month is well and truly over (just an excuse to buy those stupid shirts where the proceeds never reach a Metal band).

An awesome album, making fun of everyone from God, overweight people, moped drivers, Black Metallers, babies; all the while marveling at how Jonah Lomu destroys Englishmen. Go to their myspace page (get the link through www.myspace.com/boganology) and buy this CD now and also get a Crackwhore T-shirt so that Kiwi Metal bands are directly supported! Standout tracks: Killing Spree at the IRD and If I Sing Like This We Will Sound Like Black Metal & Art. Parental Advisory: They will go down on your daughter.

Hamilton's newest and biggest

CD DVD & Vinyl store

PHONE

07 839 4435

CORNER OF WARD AND VICTORIA ST, HAMILTON 34

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

Smokin’ Aces

DIRECTOR: Joe Carnahan STARRING: Ryan Reynolds, Martin Henderson, Alicia Keys, Ben Affleck, Andy Garcia, Ray Liotta, Matthew Fox, Jeremy Piven, Common REVIEWED BY ART ROBINSON This film is my favourite film of all time. It has everything I, as a red blooded male, love: violence, action, violence, comedy and violence. The more I watch this film, the more I’m in awe of anyone who could conceive an action film which assassinates all of its predecessors and hides their bodies in a dumpster. If you loved Snatch, Crank or Sin City then this is a film that you need to see.

The excellent dialogue is backed up with heavy firepower in this wild ride through the bloody politics of a Mafia assassination.

The story is relatively simple: the distance between there and the end decidedly not. A young Mafia associate called Buddy ‘Aces’ Israel is testifying against the mob in order to gain protection from

Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Prices DIRECTOR: Robert Greenwald

REVIEWED BY ART ROBINSON I have never seen a film which scared me when it had no blood, no doorways to Hell and no zombies. This film did. It’s a documentary and I was scared. It’s not even a documentary about zombies, just about a giant superstore called Wal-Mart in America. Pretty much, from what this documentary says, they are the ultimate evil in the world of consumerism, the most pure embodiment of ruthless, faceless consumerism. They sell everything for cheaper than anyone else can. Pretty much, think of the Warehouse where Steve Tindall is Satan. You can buy anything there – get guns and ammunition, get your car serviced and even get health insurance.

their inevitable vengeance. The mob gets wind of this and put a million dollar bounty on his head, a figure so astronomical that not even the FBI can believe what they’re over-hearing.

With such a high price on offer, every hit man on Earth heads for the hotel in which Buddy is hiding (waiting for the FBI to escort him to safety) and hilarity ensues. Did I say hilarity? I meant wanton violence and awesome gun battle sequences which make the Second World War look like a water fight.

If you’re watching this movie for the first time, don’t try and guess the end. Anyone who says they did accurately guess the end from anywhere but the start of the final credits is a liar. I love it when movies are made in such a way to never let you guess the ending and this is probably the best example of such a film. Sure, this can make it seem a little complex but with a small amount of concentration you will have an excellent film watching experience.

Buy it, because you will want to watch it over and over again.

heads from time to time. If you want to listen to some middle-class white American university student bitch and moan about how awful it is that his town is being wrecked by the store he shop at, then it may seem that this is the film for you. This documentary appears wildly one sided.

Sure, you’re left with the feeling that Wal-Mart is evil, but you may also be left with the feeling that you’re not hearing everything. Just like Michael Moore, Robert Greenwald gives one side of the argument and hopes like hell you don’t dig around too much.

I could pretty much spend this entire review talking about how evil the company is, but then what would be the point in you going and getting the film yourself? With this in mind, I’ll get on with the review.

So I went digging. Turns out everything he says in this film is actually true. Wal-Mart DOES pay its employees ridiculously low wages. Wal-Mart DOES pollute the environment. Wal-Mart does benefit from sweatshop labour in developing nations. Wal-Mart once had a policy where if an employee died, the company would be paid out by an insurance company. The more I furthered my research into Wal-Mart online the scarier the DVD became.

At first glance, Wal-Mart: the High Cost of Low Prices appears to be a ‘bleeding heart’ documentary, pumped out by the Left so we feel like we’re making a difference just by watching it and nodding our

I recommend this film to anyone who feels the need to get angry at rich white Americans. It may seem a little too fantastical to be true at first, but it’s all true.

Hamilton's newest and biggest

CD DVD & Vinyl store

PHONE

07 839 4435

CORNER OF WARD AND VICTORIA ST, HAMILTON WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

35

Phantom TERRY GOODKIND

Hellboy: The Dragon Pool CHRIS GOLDEN

Reviewed by HAZAZEL

Reviewed by PRESS RELEASE

Phantom is the 10th book in Goodkind’s Sword of Truth epic fantasy series. It is the penultimate of the series, with the final one due to come out next year. I had read all but the ninth of the series so far, and I still found this one a little hard to follow, so don’t bother unless you’ve read all of the preceding books.

The main character is our classic epic hero Richard, who, through the series, has risen from being a simple woodsman to the most powerful wizard in history and ruler of an Empire. In Phantom, Richard is torn between trying to search for his wife Kahlan (who has been torn out of everyone’s memory except his own by a terrible magic), and saving the world from a rampaging army of fanatics.

I am somewhat ambivalent about this series. I read them, I enjoy them, and yet they make me mad. Phantom is totally true to form. Each book is very formulaic (for example, Richard discovers the first rule of wizardry in the first book, and the tenth in this, the tenth book). The series tends to be a bit preachy, and has a very black-and-white moral standpoint – the bad guys are BAD, the good guys are GOOD (and have no guilt about doing horrible things to the other side, after all, they deserve it – they’re BAD). Such simplistic morality would be better suited to a children’s story, but the disturbing descriptions of rape, torture and violence make it unsuitable for younger readers. The plot, on the other hand, is quite complex (though not as madly multi-threaded as, for example, Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series) and the characters are quite interesting, except for the fact that all the good guys love Richard, and most of the female characters are in love with him.

I probably will take the time to read the final book when it comes out, but I don’t really recommend the series.

It has its moments (it is, at times, moving, humorous, shocking, and endearing), but Goodkind has none of the complexity of the masters of the genre.

36

Take a folksy red demon, his ex-girlfriend, and a friend who prefers to live in water. Mix this with suspicious Chinese officials, an archaeological dig in Tibet and the accidental awakening of a dragon that has been asleep for 1000 years, and you have most of the plot of The Dragon Pool. Archaeologist Anastasia Bransfield is looking for the ancient temple of the Dragon King, who terrorised Tibet long ago until he was put to sleep by a very angry dwarf. But she doesn’t expect to run headlong into a tribe of the dragon’s heirs – shape-changing humans who have desperately kept the secret so that they would never have to resume sacrificing children. In the resulting confrontation she calls for help, and, just as you might expect, it’s Hellboy to the rescue.

Being back around Anastasia puts Hellboy in a tizzy, but he gets to work and hammers out an arrangement with the local village (a rare moment of diplomacy for a guy who usually hits first, and then hits second). Unfortunately, the real damage is done. Even as Hellboy makes peace and saves the life of a young girl the bottom of the dragon pool showing unexpected signs of life. Soon the problem is a really cranky dragon trying to toast everything in the neighbourhood. Despite help from both the BPRD and the Chinese government the dragon seems invincible and the team is left digging for legends to find a way to set things right.

Chris Golden (noted for an unending supply of good horror and Buffy novels) once again does a great job of capturing the action and Hellboy’s somewhat sarcastic self-reflection. Hellboy is a human in most ways, but he is also the resident of a demon’s body, with many unusual powers. He and Stacy still love each other, but the relationship is doomed, not by their conflicts, but because the world isn’t ready to accept the relationship.

When you’re huge, red, and tailed, most folks tend to think the worst, and the couple must deal with the consequences.

They are a good working team, though, and there’s a great deal more action and fun than there are maudlin moments. One can’t help but relish a pure occult adventure story like this.

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

JOHN BOORMAN

The Lives of Others RIALTO CINEMA REVIEWED BY JOE CITIZEN This taut political thriller has it all – surveillance, secrecy and subterfuge. A Stasi (secret police) officer sent to monitor the activities of a playwright becomes disillusioned after he discovers that the order came from a minister interested in the playwright’s girl-friend. Set four and a half years before the wall came down in East Germany, there is no sign that the socialist state will ever end. A culture of fear has shattered the dream - Lenin has long since disappeared from a country that no longer tolerates criticism.

Academy award winner of the best foreign film, this is the best kept secret of 2007. Everything about it is simply superb – the plot almost lazily unravels the development of the most believable characters with effortless ease. We are sucked into a world where words belie a necessary ambiguity and the truth is seldom stated explicitly. Beautifully shot compositions are furnished with an intimate detail – costuming and set design create an immaculate style with seamless accuracy, whilst the photography can only be described as stunning. It is not necessary to have explosions or senseless gore, this is narrative in its finest sense - everything conspires to generate a cold and gritty drama that manages to maintain control over the viewer until the very end.

German cinema has a long history of artistic and technological achievement, but this film must be applauded for its subtle handling of recent events. This is particularly true of the sound design that doesn’t undermine the natural suspense of the action with an overly heavy score. Similarly, the characters are not the West’s idealized heroes of resistance – they are flawed individuals who make imperfect decisions motivated by jealousy, indignation and ambition. Do not expect to have your hand held, if you misinterpret a scene it will not be restated. Do not expect the explicitness of American drama; this is for mature audiences, not morons.

In a time and place where artists and writers are seen as being almost certainly subversive, the film itself bears witness to this truth. This is director Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck’s first feature and although film is a collaborative art, this work can only be called genius. I came out of the theatre completely floored by this outstanding thriller. A rare treat.

To say John Boorman is an inconsistent artist is like pointing out that Don Bradman had a rather healthy batting average or Jennifer Connelly quite large breasts. There are statements and then there are understatements. As perhaps the United Kingdom’s best contemporary director Boorman has undermined his own reputation at every turn, following masterpieces like Deliverance with embarrassments like Zardoz and repeating the pattern, with the odd merely mediocre film thrown in, for over forty years.

Boorman’s debut feature came in 1965 with a little seen rip-off of A Hard Day’s Night called Catch Us if You Can. The Dave Clark Five impersonated The Beatles. It wasn’t a particularly auspicious beginning.

Two years later he produced an almost revolutionary neo-noir, Point Blank. Lee Marvin plays a wronged if not overly bright hoodlum bent on revenge but frustrated by the corporate-like structure the criminal underworld has adopted in his absence.

The mafia-as-big-business allegory both looked back to the Warner Brothers gangster films of the 1930s and anticipated The Godfather saga by five years. Stylistically Boorman borrowed from and improved on the French New Wave, with all manner of jump cuts and flashes both back and forward.

In lesser hands Point Blank might have been either a run of the mill action vehicle for Marvin, then at the height of his career, or a pretentious mess. Unfortunately the latter possibility was evident in Boorman’s next two efforts.

Hell in the Pacific has its defenders and is well served by its powerhouse cast, which number two. Marvin and Toshiro Mifune play soldiers, one American, the other Japanese, stranded on an island during World War II. The attempt to reduce the wider international conflict to a microcosm feels forced and schematic and the movie is ultimately weighed down by the burden of metaphor.

Leo the Last, an ill-focused comedy about modern life, proved to be even worse, despite winning its leading man, Marcello Mastroianni, a Best Actor award at Cannes. Boorman was looking like not fulfilling his early potential. Then came Deliverance.

Deliverance is commonly remembered for two things. One of them is the “Duelling Banjos” theme tune. The other involves Ned Beatty, a chubby character actor of the day, on all fours, his pants around his ankles, squealing “like a pig”. At once a tale of modern man’s uneasy relationship with nature and a harrowing account of backwoods sodomy, Deliverance displays the lyrical side of Boorman as much as his skill with action.

Better - and worse - was to come. Some of the above titles are available at Auteur House.

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

ISSUE 15 23 JULY 2007

37

GIGS Thursday If you’re into straight-up Alt Rock, get to Yellow Submarine for 8 Ball Rattle, Lapser, First Flaw, The Misery and Dcyphor tonight.

Friday Yellow Submarine’s second Benefit Show brings Auckland’s fantastic The Vacants and Kittyhawk, plus the local brilliance of The Deadly Deaths, Sora Shima, Lookie Loos, MC Stormtroopa and Crook. That’s $10 very well spent, and it’s for a great cause. Don’t miss this!

Down the road, Congaline, Day By Day, Problems and more play an All Ages something-core show at No Way Out Records on Victoria Street.

Saturday The infamous Mobile Stud Unit play at the Yellow Sub, with The Twitch and MC Stormtroopa, just in case you missed him on Friday. MSU always put on a great show, and know how to please the ladies. See you there.

Next weekend That ‘Scrubs’ guy’s favourite band, The Shins are back in NZ. Wellington’s Thought Creature make their Hamilton debut along with chipcore super-duo Golden Axe at Yellow Sub. No Way Out is hosting an Amnesty International benefit show.

ART EXHIBITIONS AND EVENTS Opening of Ariki Gallery - 30 Easy Pieces 30 Easy Pieces - 30 kindly donated works by 30 artists for $30 apiece. A survey of local artists and an opportunity to support the establishment of the gallery.

Artists include Zena Elliot and Glen Leslie, Petra Jane and Snakebeings. Music by Dick Dynamite and the Dopplegangers.

Opening Saturday 28 July at 5.30pm and running through to Wednesday 8 August. Free entry. For more info go to www.arikigallery.com

The Vision – Exhibition Conservation exhibition and new loan from the Wallace Arts Trust. At the Academy of Performing Arts until 3 August, free entry.

Sleepwalking in the Forest: An exhibition of new works

by Lydia Bradbury Opening function Tuesday 31st July at 5.30pm, Platform 01 Gallery 467 Victoria Street, Hamilton.

Exhibition runs until 18th August.

Poetry in Motion Jump on the Route 13 Bus and you’ll be treated to live readings of some of the best NZ poetry. 7.40am9.00am, Route 13-University.

Hip Hop and Rap – A Modern Poetry Reading Relax in Garden Place and enjoy a modern take on poetry as local rappers Funk Village and Jinja Jamboo treat you to a modern poetry reading, contrasted with classical NZ poems. Chill out over lunch, Garden Place 12.30-1.30pm.

Existence – Life According to Art Celebrate NZ poetry and experience a sample of NZ’s finest visual art in a programme to celebrate Montana Poetry Day. Performances and open mic to celebrate our own local poets. Drinks and nibbles will be available to purchase from the Museum Café 7-9pm. Performance starts at 7.30pm, Waikato Museum.

Gold coin donation appreciated.

Legalised Art The Hamilton Community Arts Council is pleased to launch a new scheme which offers free legal advice related to the creative arts to members of HCAC. In partnership with Tompkins Wake, the scheme offers those people involved in the arts the opportunity to meet with a lawyer to discuss legal issues related to their creative industry.

For information on becoming and HCAC member, and more information on the new service contact HCAC on info@hcac.org.nz or 07 838 6424.

Know of any happenings?

We keep our ear pretty low to the ground, but there are still somethings we miss, kemosabe. If you know of any art exhibitions, music gigs or other random events that would fit well in this section, send us the details to nexus@ waikato.ac.nz pronto!

Got any funny Busted! pictures of you and your friends out in town or getting totally busted you want to share with us? Send ‘em to nexus@waikato.ac.nz before Thursday 5 PM for the next issue of Nexus.