issue 15

4 August 2008

Editor: Joshua “Hates Hamilton Winters” Drummond (nexus@waikato.ac.nz) Design: Talia “Hates Complaining” Kingi (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) Advertising: Tony “Cold and Old” Arkell (admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz/021 176 6180) Assistant to the Editor: Andrew “Plot Hole” Neal (news@nexus-npl.co.nz) Music Ed: Carl “Radio Head” Watkins (toezee@gmail.com) Books Ed: Kelly “Head Cold” Badman Film Ed: Art “Pirate” Focker

Contributors 8 Ball, AJ, Vitamin C, WSU, Kirril, Carl Watkins, Chris Parnell, Burton C. Bogan, Nick Sicklemore, Simon Houlton, Dawn Tuffery, Kelly Badman, Jed Laundry, Dr Richard Swainson, Josh, Andrew, Talia, Matt, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash Medallion, Art Focker, Gian Perrone, Taufiq Boldy, Kevin Broughan, Kirril, Blair Munro, everyone who sent in BUSTED pics.

Farewell, Fergus Hodgson. We’ll miss your columns. And your pants.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) It’s free, and we love free stuff.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT

FEATURES 16-21SPARK - Nexus and ex-Editor extraordinaire Dawn Tuffery bring you the complete guide to the 10th Spark international festival of media, arts and design.

NEWS

News 6-8 Olympic atheletes gagged, something to do with the crappy Uni parking, idiot Aucklanders put bounty on Condi Rice, Vault, Olympic Media Watch, the Police Report, and the Nexus Haiku News

NEW STUFF

There’s a boss new column keeping you up to date with the haps in the Halls of Residence – we call it Hallways. It’s by Simon Houlton and you should go read it now. We’re starting a new religion series, authored by campus religious figures, and the first one is on Islam by Taufiq Boldy.

NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. DON’T FUCK WITH ME. IF THIS WEATHER KEEPS UP I WILL KILL THE SKY

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL nexus@waikato.ac.nz OR admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176 6180

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton

PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: nexus@waikato.ac.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

REGULARS AND RANDOMS 02 Ha, we moved the contents page – to HERE! Gotcha!

03 Editorial 04 Magic 8 Ball 04 Karnage Kolumn 05 Low Five 12 Hallways 12 garfieldminusgarfield 13 Lettuce 24 WSU 28 Flash Medallion’s Puzzle Page of Some Thing 30 Lectern 31 Agony Art 31 Sarcophagus Rex 32 Boganology 101 32 The Nerdary 33 A River Runs Through It 33 Procrastinatio di Procrastinatio 34 Book review 34 Caption Competition 35 Movie Review 35 Moving Pictures 36 Notices 37 Citric 38 Gigs 39 BUSTED

Is there anybody out there? Nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home?

UNDER WATER! screamed the Waikato Times headline on Wednesday’s paper. Sadly, this excellent headline was referring to floods in the Coromandel, rather than Hamilton, which made me sad. It’s usually around this time of year I think Hamilton could be substantially improved by being under 40 feet of water.

Hamilton in winter has all the appeal of dirt soup, which is about the colour everything goes. Lake Rotoroa is gunmetal-grey. The Waikato River is poo brown. The ground is a giant dripping green sponge – one that’s just been used to wipe up spew. From what I can see out of my window, the Uni Lakes are about to flood, unleashing their poisons across the land, and there’s a great big mud crater where the Banks used to be. In town, the horrible buildings masquerading as architecture drip and lurk, adding to the oozing, dank atmosphere. Hamilton in winter is like living in a big bowl of mould.

It’s a regular complaint by people of any persuasion that is not “farming” that Hamilton tends to squash their initiatives. Whether this is the fault of the Council or the people is hard to say. The Council is democratically elected, so I guess fault ultimately lies with the populace, who could probably be best described as “bland.”

Blandness rules in Hamilton. Want to sum up this city for visiting friends? (If your friends visit you here, that is. Mine don’t. “We hate it,” they say. “There’s nothing to do and Hamilton smells funny.”) Take them to the Wintec Wall – you know, the big blank space of concrete that sits there looking hideous. Enterprising Wintec Arts students occasionally run a rainbow of paint down the wall. It looks nice. A bit of colour in the grey. It’d be a great place for a mural. And the Council bleach it. In Hamilton, it seems, not only are tall poppies cut down, they’re bleached of all colour as well.

I think this gets into people’s heads. The same Waikato Times has a story about the iconic Waipa Delta “setting sail” for Auckland, despite turning over $1.5 million and 30, 000 visitors annually. The owner, Mark Goudie, says he’s had “a gutsful,” of the Council, citing endless red tape. I don’t blame him.

A friend recently came back from a trip to Melbourne raving about how great it was. A great live music scene, reliable public transport, Council-sponsored inner-city graffiti walls. He’s back in Hamilton and found himself faced with the same old sludge. Little wonder he plans on moving back to Melbourne as soon as possible,

joining what seems to be a mass exodus. If life is a road, then Hamilton is a grotty service station.

Well. I’m depressed. Are you? Let me present a small Spark of hope. The Spark international festival of media, arts and design is hosted each year by Wintec and features a plethora of creative types descending on our mudflavoured city and stirring things up a bit. It’s free to enter, and everyone (who physically can) should make an appearance. This is the tenth anniversary of the festival, and we’re devoting a huge chunk of the magazine to it, this week and next. Because it shows there’s a world out there, and that despite appearances to the contrary, Hamilton is a part of it.

Somehow I doubt Hamilton will ever become a cosmopolitan paradise, but SPARK is always inspirational. But will it inspire people to stay and make things better, or get the hell out?

That, I guess, is up to you. ...

But please, while you’re here, do something about that Wintec Wall.

Send questions for Magic 8 Ball to nexus@waikato.ac.nz! Next week, the best question wins a CD, courtesy of Nick’s Music Basement! (http://www. nicksmusicbasement.co.nz) Will it stop raining before the Waikato floods central Hamilton? – from Phoebe It is certain – which is a bit of a shame, really.

This town would be a hell of a lot more interesting under 40 feet of water. Not to mention nicer looking. Plus, the Uni’s basically on a hill, so we can all enjoy it from here.

Does Winston get the girls? – from Karl H Don’t count on it – but he sure as hell gets the mysterious funding. Winston saying he doesn’t know where donations are coming from is like saying “hello, what’s all this smoke?” when inhaling a big fatty.

Will the Banks area rebuild be worth all the trouble? – from Sam The Ripper

Yes – right now, they are constructing a great sarcophagus to keep the Great Old Ones trapped in their underlake prison for another thousand years.

Will you enter the Band Experiments?

– from Jake Outlook not so good – if only you played anything but late-80s hair metal covers. Wait – that could almost be so uncool it’s cool. So maybe you should enter after all. You might win!

Will the All Blacks do better in the next test against Australia? – from Graham My sources say no – but my sources have been wrong before. This is because my sources are the angry old men in the back of the TAB. That being said, any of those old men could probably give Graham Henry a run for his money, the way the team’s been performing lately.

Fuck this weather!!! – from Some Guy Yes – Indeed.

Will I ever become a billionaire? – from Sarah Don’t count on it – unless you plan on converting New Zealand Dollars to Zimbabwean currency. Then you can literally become a trillionaire!

By AJ Uw keuze. ..dress op of kleed beneden. Your choice…dress up or dress down.

Are you wanked off with the same ol’ party themes and unoriginal dress-up ideas? I know I freeking am! Maybe it’s just way too easy to dress up with the stock standards and we don’t want to get creative or try something new. To be perfectly honest the only pro with recycling party themes is that you don’t need to go and buy a new costume when Frank and Fran’s flat on Ford St. have the 5th Tight n’ Bright party of the year. The Kolumn today is just highlighting the currently thrashed and bashed themes but also lays mention of a couple of modified or entirely untainted ideas to use in the not so distant future. Perhaps today’s article activates your own creative craniums and produces some party theme ideas that you and your alcohol-hungry gang of students can use to enhance your drinking experience.

Party themes can easily be slotted into the subsequent categories; • Time (70’s, 80’s & 90’s) • Colour (Fluoro & Tight n’ Bright) • Tropical (Jungle, Pirate & Beach) • Life (Doctors n’ Nurses, Dream Job, Movie Stars & Back-to-School)

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When it comes to birthday presents, is it the thought that counts? – Louise Yes – which is a really good excuse to not get your friends anything, ever. When they complain, say, “I thought of you.”

Is getting my calculator to write BOOBS the height of Hamilton culture? – from Sarah #2 Very Doubtful – the height of Hamilton culture is getting your calculator to write BOOBS, and then using that skill to pick up at the Outback.

Boy: “Hey, girl! Look what I can do!” *shows calculator* Girl: “Ooh, witmaster! Take me now!”

Above covers only the thrashed themes and the bars in town, especially during Orientation Week, use the traditional ‘Beach’, ‘80’s’ and ‘Tight n’ Bright’ themes which are secure fall-back options and I recommend never to use these ideas as they will always dominate themed nights in town for all eternity.

However, what I do urge you to do is expand on these and you will come up with some incredible and potentially life-changing ideas. Start with a ‘Rubix Cube’ party where everyone involved dresses in all the varying colours of the Rubix Cube spectrum and the mission of the night is to end up solely in one solid colour. This particular theme actually doubles as a nearly naked party halfway through the night but beware of the guy who has poo problems; no-one likes sharing skids.

One of my favourite party themes is ‘Once Were Warriors’, this includes the compulsory dress code of wife-beater singlets, flannette shirts, and a Double-Brown crate to match. There is one par-tay dressup that I believe is a must-do for every student and that is an op-shop party. There is no restriction on what you wear as long as it came from an opportunity shop. Most of my wardrobe is filled with op-shop gears, and there are some pearlers, from leotards to official stubbie-branded stubbies. You can’t go wrong with an op-shop party!

Next episode for the Karn is Hermit time! I will explain what one is and all the variations of this beloved drinking game.

Oooohhh…I’m packing a semi already!

1. How sick are you of this weather?

2. What will you do if Hamilton floods?

3. Are you going to go to Spark?

4. How much should the Government give students to live off each week?

5. Should the media respect religious values? Why? 1. Pretty Fuckin’ shit 2. Build an ark, get two of each animal, and rebuild the world in my image 3. Sure why not 4. Enough 5. No. Freedom of the press

1. I love the puddles!

2. Try not to drown 3. I just heard of it this minute 4. Heaps 5. I listen to Deicide

1. Not very 2. Go swimming! Or canoeing 3. Wha? 4. More 5. Yes, but it shouldn’t be driven by it.

1. Feeling pretty ill 2. Learn to swim 3. Yeh, maybe 4. More than they do 5. No, media don’t respect any values so why should religion be any different

1. About 7…. Out of infinity!

2. Loot like a motherfucker, go all New Orleans on that shit 3. Is that the new Pixar CGI movie?

4. I recommend 6 million Yen 5. Yes they should. Otherwise shits going to get fucked up

NEWS

May 19 2008

ISSUE 12

news@nexus-npl.co.nz

Athletes forbidden from speaking out against Chinese human rights abuses

By Andrew Neal

New Zealand Olympic athletes have been told not to speak out about political issues by their own management and the International Olympic committee (IOC).

Chef de mission of New Zealand’s Olympic team, Dave Currie said on TV One’s Sunday programme that any statement about China could “impede the performance of the team,” while admitting the team were conscious of human rights issues. “China’s record is less than perfect,” he said. “[but Olympic] venues shouldn’t be used for political gain.”

Currie also explained the rules set out by the IOC for all teams attending the games.

The IOC has also laid restrictions against all competing athletes - threatening to remove official Olympic accreditation if they make a statement that is not; ‘confined solely to their own personal Olympic-related experience’ This has drawn backlash from politicians and human rights groups alike.

“Mr Currie should be upholding that right, not discouraging our athletes by implying it could negatively affect the rest of the Kiwi team,” said Green MP Keith Locke.

A draft of the New Zealand Olympic contract contained a clause that athletes would be forbidden from speaking out – which was removed after it became public.

“When it went into the media, they very rapidly pulled back on those draconian rules,” said Amnesty International’s Margaret Taylor.

“My view is that we could never tell athletes what to say,” Currie said, when asked about this clause.

He was also asked if politics and sport don’t mix. “Of course they do, you can’t say they’re mutually exclusive,” he said.

Nexus was unable to contact New Zealand Olympic officials before the magazine went to print.

New transport plans to ease congestion Laxative for your commute

By Andrew Neal

A transport plan for the Waikato University campus is in the planning stages and aims to improve the “daily movement of students.”

In its preliminary stages, the plan will involve input from staff and students through surveys and meetings.

Facilities Management Division (FMD) are organising the plan and hope for involvement from Environment Waikato and the Hamilton City Council.

“We will be looking at how we are managing transport sustainability,” said John Cameron - Director of Facilities Management for FMD. FMD has said that while the plan is still in its infancy they will be looking at all forms of transport including buses, bicycles and may include students paying for parking.

“We are not planning on having paid parking, but it is a possible outcome. If we did the money would go to something that helps another area,” said Cameron.

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FMD claims that Waikato is the only campus in the country that currently offers free parking for both students and staff.

“It’s actually quite unusual for us not to charge for parking,” Cameron explains.

A number of years ago FMD claims that the switch to paid parking was approached and the largest opposition came from staff.

“There has always been talk of changing to paid parking,” said Cameron.

According to FMD, the goal of the plan is to look at transport to and from the University grounds in a global sense.

“We are only in the preliminary stages with nothing decided, there should be more plans and announcements in a couple of months,” said FMD Property assistant Katie Laurence.

A possible outcome of the survey will see improved services for University and Hamilton East high school students, and, possibly, mass orgies.

See if you can spot the bits we added to spice the story up a bit

Early responses have also shown that passengers consider drivers to be friendly and helpful, except for the evil old bastards, who were described as “evil” and “old bastards.”

By Andrew Neal Environment Waikato is currently conducting orgasmic surveys to help update its services despite early results suggesting WOOOOO! improvements over recent years.

So far most passengers have been more than happy* to fill out the survey with a noticeably sweaty and increasingly incoherent Boyd estimating responses numbering around 40 to 60 on full buses.

The hilarious surveys, conducted on buses between July 21 and 31 are being conducted on all 24 fun-filled Gobus routes.

University students have also stated in some replies that they enjoy the bus running at ten past the hour, allowing them time to reach the bus stop after classes have finished. Reports of frenzied sex in the back seats remain uncorroborated by Nexus, but we are investigating. Hard.

“They’re looking at making an ideal model for improving bus routes,” gasps surveyor Sarah Boyd.

“At the moment it looks like people’s biggest problem is that buses are According to Environment Waikato the survey is quick and easy to complete and records details such as frequency of use and destinations.

Users completing the survey have reported multiple orgasms, reaching 8 on the Richter scale.

“At the moment it looks like people are saying there has been a giant improvement over the last three or five years,” pants Boyd.

Mau Moko book a winner

not running on Sundays,” said Boyd, relaxing with a cigarette.

On Saturday July 26 Gobus celebrated three million passengers by offering free rides all day. There might have been clowns. We don’t know. We don’t care.

Traffic Design Group are conducting the surveys for Environment Waikato. They sound like they’ve got the best jobs in the world. *By “more than happy,” they probably mean “not allowed to leave the bus until they”

Mau Moko, a book by four University of Waikato scholars, has won its category in this year’s Montana New Zealand Book awards.

Mau Moko: The World of Maori Tattoo beat two other finalists to be named winner of the Lifestyle and Contemporary Culture category at the awards ceremony on July 21 at the Wellington Town Hall.

The book is the result of five years’ work by University of Waikato’s Professor Ngahuia Te Awekotuku; Linda Waimarie Nikora, director of the university’s Maori and Psychology Research Unit; and student researchers Mohi Rua from the research unit, and Rolinda Karapu from the Centre for Maori and Pacific Research and Development.

Mau Moko is described as the closest thing there is to a “complete” book on moko. It looks at the cultural and spiritual issues around moko and tells many powerful stories from moko wearers and artists.

It is beautifully illustrated with images from early European encounters, and has new colour photography and traditional Maori representations.

Te Awekotuku will also be giving a presentation on Thursday at the Spark confence on the Wintec campus.

The project was supported from 2001-2005 by a prestigious Marsden Fund grant, and the book has been published by Penguin.

The Montana New Zealand Book Awards celebrate excellent books written and illustrated by New Zealanders each year. Awards are made in eight categories.

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Rank Reaction to Rice Reward Retarded recipe for ridicule and rancour

By Simone Kaser - Craccum

Auckland University Student’s Association attracted international attention last weekend when New Zealand’s largest students’ association offered a $5000 reward to any Auckland University student able to make a successful citizen’s arrest of the United States Secretary of State. The challenge was issued only days before Condoleezza Rice landed in Auckland after attending the ASEAN Regional Forum in Singapore.

The arrest was sought for Rice’s role in “overseeing the illegal invasion and continued occupation of Iraq”, said Auckland University Student Association (AUSA) president David Do. Do added that it was “hard enough living as a student in Auckland these days without having a war criminal coming to town, so we thought we’d give our students a chance to make a dent in their student loans and work for global justice at the same time.”

However, the $5 000 incentive was soon withdrawn after police warned that any student attempting to make such an arrest would meet serious consequences.

In a formal statement, District Commander Superintendent Brett England spoke of the 8

highly effective security measures Auckland police had in place for the protection of Dr Rice and strongly advised “the association representatives who’ve put this challenge out, to withdraw it immediately so as to avoid being caught up in something much bigger than they may have anticipated.”

In an effort to cover its bases, AUSA also lodged a formal complaint to police over Dr Rice. In a media release, AUSA International Affairs Office Omar Hamed stated “we believe that Rice’s involvement in the authorisation of the torture of suspected terrorists is a crime under two separate New Zealand statutes, the Geneva Conventions Act 1958 and the Crimes of Torture Act 1989, and are asking the New Zealand Police to arrest and prosecute Rice for her involvement in these crimes.”

Hamed cited Rice’s authorisation of simulated drowning (waterboarding) on alleged terrorists as an example of an assault on physical integrity amounting to torture, which made her liable to prosecution.

When asked about the demonstration before flying to Auckland, Rice responded by saying “student protests are particularly a long honoured tradition in democratic society. I

can only say that the United States has done everything that it can to end this war on terror, to live up to our international and national laws and obligations.”

The University of Auckland was not the only tertiary institution in the country to campaign against the high-ranking official. Following AUSA’s retraction of the original offer, students at Victoria University doubled the reward for the successful citizen’s arrest of Rice to $10,000 according to VUWSA president, Joel Cosgrove.

Although no arrest was made, around 100 protestors, some dressed in orange boiler suits modelled upon those worn by prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, demonstrated against Secretary Rice during her talks with Prime Minister Helen Clark.

During her visit, Rice also met with Foreign Minister Winston Peters and Opposition leader John Key to discuss issues including New Zealand’s political and economic relationship with the United States

‘End of the Line for Nexus’

For the last three years, the WSU has been covering debts incurred by Nexus and they say it is a “lose-lose” situation. Since Nexus is a ‘free’ publication, without advertising revenue it costs too much to print and circulate ending up with even more debt to the WSU.

16 April 1990 Nexus N.o.8 At the recent WSU Executive meeting on Monday 9th April, a decision was made that “the Executive will not fund Nexus beyond the allocated grant in 1990.”

The reasons for a possible closure of Nexus are: loss of revenue and advertising, decreasing interest and popularity, and “constant obscene articles and images.”

We here at Nexus have now been thinking up ways to save our beloved magazine. Such as making Nexus a fortnightly publication, changing the format radically, or just giving up and closing down forever; quiting while we’re ahead.

What do you think? Is Nexus really worth keeping? Do you have any ideas that could help us continue?

During 1990, Nexus has been losing money, over $6000, due to lack of advertising. Some business owners have stated that they do not want to advertise or associate with a magazine that contains explicit language, inappropriate articles, and obscene images.

However, we will not give up the fight reluctantly. We will be staging protests, signing petitions, and continuing to write till they take our pens off us. They say it is darkest just before the dawn, so by the end of the year it will either be the end of a dark age or the beginning of a new golden dawn.

work in the usa from 3 - 12 months

IntervIew wIth aspen or heavenly skI resorts CCUSA Ski Resort Employer Job Fair

Aspen and Heavenly are hiring in person for the Working Holiday USA and Work Experience USA programs.

Otago University The Link Union Outside Main Library Thursday, August 14, 2008, 2:00 PM to 5:00 PM If you are not in Dunedin telephone interviews with the employers can be arranged.

Working Holiday USA

Work Experience USA

Up to 12 months Up to 3 months Graduates (within 12 months), Current full-time students 18+ current & deferred students 19+ Depart November / December Depart any time during the year Work winter jobs at a ski resort Work one or multiple jobs at summer resorts or winter ski resorts All CCUSA programs include: visa, visa assistance, job placement (if required), insurance, discounted flights, program assistance in Australia & the USA, 24 hour emergency assistance in the USA & much more.

APPLY TODAY!

Don’t miss out on your visa, employer and the chance to Be More Than Just a Tourist!

To find out more or apply visit www.ccusa.com or call 0800 872 9675.

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Media Watch

Olympics are Awesome: Chinese Government still dicks

By Andrew Neal

As excitement of the Olympics builds, there are plenty of issues that the world has washed over in the quest for Gold. There has been plenty of interest in the news over issues such as the smog in Beijing (one of the most polluted cities on the planet), rioting in Tibet and of course the ill-fated torch rally earlier this year.

However, these only scratch the surface of the real issues that exist in China. We marvel at the Olympic stadiums and their impressive architecture, but spare a thought for tens of thousands of Chinese who were evicted for their homes without compensation for the land to build them and then met military force when they tried to protest.

The Yu family’s home in Beijing, bought 60 years ago, was torn down on July 18 after they refused to move; claiming the compensation they were being offered to relocate was far too low. More than 160 houses and shops have been torn down by the local government since 2005. (BBC, 18th July, 2008) The Olympic Games were given to China on the promises of free press movement and that Human Rights issues would be approached.

The Olympic Games are based on human dignity and compassion - this is outlined in the Olympic charter: Olympic Fundamental Principle 1

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Respect for universal fundamental ethical principles.

Olympic Fundamental Principle 2 Preservation of human dignity China is still producing horror stories of abuse, such as the case of Huang Qi, who was arrested for ‘possession of state secrets’ after he offered to help parents of children killed in the Sichuan earthquake. Huang has not been allowed to see his lawyer or family, and his wife Zeng Li believes Huang’s contacts with foreign journalists may also have brought official wrath. (Reuters, 19th July, 2008) Freedom of the press has also been stunted despite China’s promises of giving foreign journalists full and free access to Beijing and China. Foreign correspondents in China reported more than 250 instances of interference with their work since the start of last year. Even athletes have been told to remain quiet over what they see and hear in Beijing by the International Olympic Committee (IOC).

There have even been issues with ticketing for citizens. Hundreds of police tried to control a crowd of 30,000 Beijing residents who queued for days to buy the final Olympic Games tickets. Police yanked more than half a dozen unruly fans from the crowd, kicking one who fell as he was being led away and dragging another by his hair. (NZ Herald, 26 July, 2008)

These games have been plagued by problems and China’s rules seem to be reaching further and further from their shores, leaving me to ask, just how much did New Zealand unwittingly give up in signing the Free Trade Agreement? It has been well reported that Google and Yahoo have censored their sites and willingly given the names and details of dissidents to the Chinese Government, something which is illegal in the United States. The middle class in China is rapidly expanding but this is only a small percentage of the population. Much of the country’s population still work in sweat shops and/or live in poverty and as we race to meet the Chinese Government’s every will and whim, how much of ourselves are we losing?

Links: http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/2005/oct/31/ china.pollution http://edition.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/ asiapcf/07/29/china.humanrights/index.html http://www.stuff.co.nz/4620224a27162.html http://www.amnesty.org.nz/archive-news/ Olympic-values-and-Olympic-realities http://www.amnesty.org.nz/archive-news/ Increasing-reports-of-crackdowns-on-Chineseactivists

East Hamilton Police Burglary Report 21st 28th July 2008 There were only 6 burglaries that occurred in the Hamilton East / Rural area last week – their locations are shown on the map.

Again, it’s been a fantastic week to report that break-ins are down to only single figures. There are a number of reasons why there is a decrease, here are just a few.

• Students have been mindful about locking up their house / flat and hiding their valuable items away.

• Students reporting suspicious people just wandering around properties during the day / night.

• Police presence and proactively patrolling around Hamilton East.

The best advice I can give to you all is to still keep the good work up.

The Police will still continue to do their jobs, what we want is for you to continue to help us with reporting any suspicious activity.

It’s excellent to report that only 3 university students were affected by the break-ins. Please be aware that offenders are still smashing glass windows to gain entry, once inside they are still targeting laptops, digital cameras, gaming consoles, and cash.

NZ business gets even gloomier, says bank survey Is it a coincidence?

Survey comes out And we lose confidence?

Literacy Problems Affecting Staff Performance?

Here’s the problem from Which workplaces need be freed: Seems no-one can read.

Gordon Ramsey fried over ‘puffin killing’ Mouthy Gordon R

Please hide these items away from plain sight of windows and doors.

What offenders can’t see they won’t take.

Security Advice: If you seen anyone acting suspicious in or around your flat, ask them what they’re doing and get a good description of them.

If they say nothing or run off, then call the Police. These people are scoping out your flat or someone else’s to later break into.

Information on how to protect your home is available from the East Hamilton Community Policing Centre on Clyde St. If you have any information that might help Police with these burglaries please contact the University Constable, Nick Sickelmore, at Nicholas.

Sickelmore@police.govt.nz

Eats a cute little bird’s heart Meat, murder, or art?

Tuhoe and Crown enter Treaty negotiations Crown, Tuhoe desire To make amends after They’re branded “Te Qaeda” Jury retires to consider verdict in Dixon case Verdict: He’s a crazy mo’fo Who should be locked up No surprise there.

Another undeclared NZ First donation reported All the money they say Winston’s siphoned For blood, politicians bay All Blacks: MacDonald faces uncertain future They should let him have Another bout; McDonald Will knock us all out

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By Simon Houlton

n this week’s Hallways: The Spew Cluedo, Random Acts of Hallness and The Hallway News.

Recently, in my career as a professional bludger, I’ve come into contact with some pretty sick…. sick. The question on everybody’s mind is: Who DUNNIT? In the days leading up to the one that is about to finish in two minutes, an individual threw up in the stairwell between floors ‘Maori’ and ‘Basement’, of College Hall’s C-Block. First on the scene, the cleaners were shocked and slightly empowered. As they went door to door in search of evidence, bystanders gathered around to see what the criminal had eaten that night. Our first clue; a bit of sausage. We knew what this meant. Either this person had just downstairs-decapitated somebody, or they frequented Bar101, either way; they were definitely intoxicated.

As a few days passed by, the puke lay around hot-boxing the staircase until somebody thankfully took the initiative to clean it up. I would have, but I was studying. If anybody knows who laid this weeks spew please contact Nexus to get a reward.* Random acts of Hallness encompass everything that is good. We’re living the dream right now and can afford to take time out to be hallish. To be hallish, you need to do things that make you hally. So, pretty much whatever it takes. In this weeks Random Acts of Hallness: Mitchell The

American decided to take being the man into his own hands. Mitchell found himself stumbling home from somewhere on either Friday or Sunday morning. He came across a man frantically trying to grab everything out of a fellow hall-member’s vehicle. His gut instinct told him that something was amiss. Being the Hally American that Mitchell is, he was quick to incoherently yell things at the man, most likely causing him to think he was a Yeti of some sort. As the man fled, Mitchell stumbled victoriously back to his room in Student Village. Good show Mitchell, good show. Everybody should give Mitchell a pat on the back when they see him.

News is kind of like a car crash; it sucks but you have to look. In the spirit of horrible things, Secret Admirer has recently kicked off in the various Halls. Get ready for some A-Grade Stalking. They might as well start printing off some sexual harassment report forms now. I am personally taking part in the game and hope to get Angelina Jolie, with a box of pizza, at the gym, driving a Ford while at a party. Well, that’s what I put anyway. In other news, Spencer Howe is turning 21 this weekend and is valid for free drinks. His car was recently stolen as well, it’s a Nissan Bluebird that was parked near gate 3B and was taken between 1am and 7am on Monday morning. If anybody has any information, please let Nexus know. There’s a reward offered.** *We’ll give you a free sponge. **We’ll give you a free sponge.

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Txts to the Editor!

Texts to the Editor on 021 235 8436 are now eligible to win XXXX phonecards! Each week we’ll give a XXXX phonecard to the Text of the Week, so get texting to 0210 235 8436! We’ll still offer our famous mystery prize to Telecom texts as well – it’s usually a CD.

Think of this if it happened the other way around Recently new toilets were created on the ground floor of K block. For those of you who don’t know them, there are 4 individual cubicles, 2 male and 2 female, all accessible from the corridor. It’s a sad fact of life that there are always more girls then guys needing to use the loo, resulting in a group

Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Busted-type situations to 021 235 8436.

Can you do it? Yes you can!

of girls frequently hanging around waiting for the 2 female cubicles, while the male ones are

highly amusing, looks from the waiting line of women (I’d like to mention that no men

often standing there empty.

When I encountered this situation the other day, I employed a ‘what the hell’ attitude, and made use of one of the vacant male toilets.

As far as I could tell, apart from the floor being slightly stickier and there being none of those bin things (you girls know what I’m talking about, the guys don’t want to know), they were exactly the same, both in layout and cleanliness. When I left the cubicle, I was confronted with absolutely horrified, and

appeared to have been disadvantaged by my use of their facilities, as the other cubicle was still empty and no guys were waiting).

Am I really in the wrong here? Is it actually inappropriate for women to use the men’s toilets like this? I’m not saying that I want to walk into men’s toilets where there are urinals and stuff, but when it’s just one individual little cubicle, does it really matter?

Kinda confused

Why don’t you try it, if you think it’s such a great idea?

Goku is God (?)

Dear Nexus You’re a non-religious magazine in a “not particularly religious” country.

Why should you take your cues from Islam? You should be able to print whatever pictures you want and write about whoever you Kalidamn please.

You’re a student magazine for Thor’s sake! This guy, the so-called president of the Muslim Society, should just stop reading the Nexus. He only seems to read it to find problems. And, for the record, I too find it offensive to mention Muhammed, Jesus, Moses and Buddha in the same breath as Goku, who truly is the Lord of All.

“Auckland University Student Association has offered any Auckland University student a $5000 reward if they are able to make a successful citizen’s arrest of United States Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during her visit to Auckland over the weekend, for her role in overseeing the illegal invasion and continued occupation of Iraq”. How come WSU doesn’t come up with mean ideas like that? looks like WSU got no balls and those Jafas got bigger balls. I wish i was an auckland uni student would have made easy $5000 and 5 minutes in CNN and BBC. WSU its time to put a reward up for National MPs for supporting war on iraq in 2003, I would love to arrest that David Bennet, headlock him and pepper spray him like the Police do.

David Blayne Law abiding Vigilante ANP

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

PH 07 856 6813

FAX 07 856 2255

ADDRESS Gate 5 Hillcrest Road

WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP

EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz 13

Plug #1 As a student, what is on your election 2008 wish list? Perhaps lower fees, a universal allowance or a budget fairy that will make your student loan disappear? The good news is that the election festivities are about to begin‌ Helen versus John, with round one going to the man in the blue trunks. Unfortunately, National’s promises of “keeping student loans interest freeâ€? and “an early loan repayment bonus of 10%â€? are unimaginative at best and insulting at worst.

So what is the answer if you want to a) Identify a party that advocates your views b) vote for them c) hold them to account on polling day and then every day after? The answer is icount, a party that utilises your party vote to elect a list member into Parliament. icount party members are then polled on political policy and decision making and the icount MP is required to vote accordingly in Parliament. Its that simple.

If you want to make this a reality, the first step is to join the icount party online at www. icount.co.nz.

Rosa Volz

Plug #2 (Or: That Many Exclamation Marks Are The Sure Sign of an Insane Mind) Salams Peace and Greetings Everyone.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

prophet and not be challenged. We must challenge them intellectually and peacefully.

We should let the world know who this wonderful/ peaceful/spiritual man was and what he has done for mankind.

Salamz http://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=uIZdCj4ePF4 www.mecca2medina.co.nr

Due to consistent disrespect to the holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him)

by Journalists, Clergymen/women, Writers, Theatre/Motion Picture Directors, Motivational

Hugs for hugboy #1

Speakers, Internet Websites and Publications I see it as my duty to email this poetry about the wonderful man Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) the Final Prophet sent to the worlds.

In the words of Mr. T in the Snickers ad: “Quit yor jibba jabbin!

You ain’t hurt! You’re pathetic!� Look, it wasn’t that long ago that I was going through that whole “I hate this world/my life sucks� faze. The only advice I can give you (and forgive me for sounding like a self-help book)

We can’t allow people like Melanie Phillips (Daily Mail) Slaman Rushdie,Theo Van Gogh, Robert Spencer,Geert Wilders (Dutch film maker) and many others to disrespect our

To hugboy,

4/4!, 6)3)/. /04/-%42)343

&2%% %9% 3#2%%.).' %6%29 7%$.%3$!9 &2/- 0- 4/ 04(% -%%4).' 2//345$%.4 5.)/. "5),$).'

5.)6%23)49 /& 7!)+!4/ 4OTAL 6ISION /PTOMETRISTS 'REY 3TREET (AMILTON %AST 0H &AX TOTALVISION VISIQUE CO NZ 14

WHOSE PROBLEM? Tom’s car has been hit by a driver who is uninsured. What does he do?

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge database to help answer anyone’s questions.

Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 8384466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB. Tom’s car is probably covered under an “innocent party protection�. BUT he must have the name and address and phone number of the other driver, and the registration number of the uninsured car. It is also helpful to have the driver’s licence number and contact details of any witnesses and the police who attended the accident (if applicable). Tom will still have to pay the excess on his insurance claim and may lose part of his no-claim bonus.

is that you need to do stuff in your life that will make you happy. In your case, I would suggest that you stop being a socially-retarded fool, make some friends, drop Chemistry if you hate it so much and talk to your parents about your “feelings”. It sounds gay but your life sounds pretty gay at the moment too. Good luck!

Dear Student Hi how you going? Do you think of me? I think of you………what do you think about being a student? Is life good for you on $150 a week, the cost of books rising every semester and that awkward sense of being poor and stressed all at the same time? I know it’s hard, but I’m here to help.

I can give you food when you have none, listen to you when you need me too. I can give you a fun time with concerts, sports and activities. As you

when we will meet again, I am always waiting for you to engage. If only your eyes were to catch a glimpse of me, that would be the start of something wonderful.

Although I have multiple personalities of which you could be one of them, I often try to reach out and touch as many people as I can. Your mere presence is my existence. Your experience is reflective of my dedication to you…….

Magzz

fill me I will fight for you. I often sit and wonder

Yours always and for ever WSU

Hugs for hugboy #2 RENTACOP: LOVED. Would be weird to say I know exactly how you feel? feeling like a failure, looked down upon by people who are supposed to care about you. I can say I have friends, quite many actually but there is this weird empty feeling inside which eats you up inside.

People may seem happy and be having fun but we all have problems, would anyone ever guess someone like me thought suicidal and lost the will to trust the life and the world we live in, enjoying being alone more..

Dark Knight is off the fucking cahin, joker is the best fucking villan ever

i love rentacop ANDREW MAY NEED TO TALK TO UNI PR HUGBOY GETS HUGS #3 Andrew may need to talk to uni pr.

In reply to hugboy: I thnk dis persn either needs sum counselin or if this letter is a joke its realy nt funi @ all and shudn’t hav bin printd

JEFF HAWKS MISSED THE DEADLINE Carparking story… jeff. Have 120 words due.got time between 5-6 to do it if I can get into office

DARK KNIGHT MAKES PEOPLE NOT SPELL

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus

Coming home feeling sad and letting music comfort me through the night hoping tomorrow will be better so I hold on till the next day, sometimes it comes true.

welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the

Do your best, you can do it, don’t listen to anyone else because your better then them. try to be happy.

week prior to publication.

We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse

From Dark Kaiser

correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name.

Send letters to nexus@ waikato.ac.nz

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Three fast facts on Spark: 1. It is free and open to everyone 2. It involves 20+ interesting artistic types doing presentations 3. It is on this week.

If you haven’t come across it before, Spark is Wintec’s week of media, arts and design where established creative practitioners present to audiences on topics such as contemporary art, costume design, writing, acting, photography, publishing, comics, filmmaking and music. This is the 10th year Wintec has held Spark, which may even mean cake if you’re in the right place at the right time.

The nifty thing about Spark is that attendees have nothing to lose and plenty to gain in terms of inspiration. Some of the presentations will be amazing, and fire up the audience up to bust out their graphic design/sculpture/filmmaking/etc chops forthwith. Others will be totally unlike what people expected, and still offer periodic gems of insight.

Then there’ll be one or two that are offbeat-weird-cool but happen to eureka!-ise your current project nonetheless. The best bet is to attend as many sessions as possible to cover your bases.

“These people are at the cutting edge of their genres, across a diverse range of specialties,” says Spark Programme Manager Susanna Wilford.

“Spark is a rare blend of the contemporary arts, media and design worlds that nourishes the soul and charges the mind.”

The presentations will be open to the public, and the vast majority of them are free (everything except Pecha Kucha, which is a mere $7).

Spark tips:

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• Go to lots of stuff. Workshops are reserved mainly for Uni students and Wintec students but places need to be booked and are going fast – go to www.spark.net.nz to register.

• Most events take place in Events Room 1 in the Wintec Hub. If you go up the big hill (parallel to Collingwood St), the Events Room 1 is on that side of the Hub and should be easy to find. Look for pink arrows.

• Remember there are Fringe exhibitions and evening events as well as presentations.

The Spark speakers: • Andrea Calderwood: UK Film and Television producer (‘The Last King of Scotland’).

• Coco Solid & Robyn Kenealy: Auckland and Wellington comic creators.

• Inkahoots’ Jason Grant: Inkahoots is a Brisbane graphic design agency with strong community foundations.

• John Harding: Wellington art director and production designer, who has worked with Weta.

• Julie Starr: Currently the Wintec Editor-in-residence, Julie Starr has been a writer, presenter, sub-editor, radio manager and editorial manager.

• Kris Sowersby (KLIM): Award-winning typography designer. Runs the KLIM type foundry.

• Lesley Burkes-Harding: Costume designer for film and theatre (Wellington).

• Ngahuia Te Awekotuku & Becky Nunes: Author and photographer of Montana Book Award nominee ‘Mau Moko’ • Peter Bromhead: NZ cartoonist, interior designer and children’s book author.

• Polixeni Papapetrou: Photo-media artist (Melbourne) • Rirkrit Tiravanija (guest appearance): Contemporary artist who divides his time between New York, Berlin and Bangkok.

• Susan Jacobs & Scott Miles: Melbourne-based visual artists.

• Whirimako Black (workshop and performance): NZ composer and singer.

Other good stuff: Alongside the presentations, Spark will offer a variety of entertaining events and workshops. Events during the week include Hamilton’s inaugural Pecha Kucha night - a presentation format where multiple speakers present on creative topics for a total of 6 minutes 40 seconds each, giving the audience the opportunity to feel a community’s creative pulse in just a couple of hours. Other highlights will be the Palestinian Days film screening, a new Ramp Gallery opening, Fringe events such as Artspost exhibition openings, and a special Spark Finale featuring Whirimako Black.

Exhibition opening: CLOSE UP - CONTEMPORARY CONTACT PRINTS Exhibition on tour from McNamara Gallery Photography WHEN: Monday 4th August, 5.30PM WHERE: Ramp Gallery, R block, Collingwood Street ‘Viewing Habits’ UCLA Documentary Screening The UCLA School of Theatre, Film & Television is one of the premiere film schools in the US. Professor Goldovskaya from UCLA has sent examples of her post-graduate students’ documentary work and this screening showcases the best films, selected by Media Arts Moving Image lecturer John Mandelberg. 1:30pm, Wednesday, 6th August.

Pecha Kucha TIME: 7.30pm VENUE: The Hub, WINTEC City Campus. ADMISSION: $7 Spark 08 launches Pecha Kucha (pronounced pe-cha- ku - cha) to Hamilton. This evening’s event, supported by NZTE amongst others, will be the first of regular Pecha Kucha evenings to be held in Hamilton City at different venues across the city.

Pecha Kucha is a presentation format for creative work originally devised

by Astrid Klein and Mark Dytham of Kein-Dytham Architecture (KDa) in Tokyo, Japan in 2003.

A Pecha Kucha night is an event format in which presenters show a slideshow of 20 images, each of which is shown for 20 seconds - giving a total presentation time of 6 minutes 40 seconds. Each event usually has 8 - 14 presenters. Presenters (and much of the audience) are usually from the design, architecture, photography, art and creative fields.

The event format has been replicated in more than 120 cities, including London, San Francisco, Seattle, Rotterdam, Shanghai and Berlin. Events usually are limited to one each month per city and a minimum of four events per year.

Confirmed presenters and their topics for Pecha Kucha include: • Director Mark Westerby - Fringe festival and personal projects • Collaborative arts project The Underwater Collective - collective philosophy and projects on the go.

• Independent contemporary jeweller Marama Mayrick - ethical recycled materials and the processes of silversmithing • Artist Paul Judd - Will give an account of the fictional design brief for the construction of an aircraft • Lecturer in Graphic design David Gardener - How not to design a submarine in wartime Palestinian Film Festival – 5.30pm, 6th August, The Hub Screening opened by Tuma Hazou.

The Palestinian Days Film Festival is organised and run by the London Film Forum and invited films have been collected by them to reflect the 60 years of Palestinian struggle. The package of films have been screened already in places as disparate as the Doha National Theatre in Qatar, Sao Paolo in Brazil, Belfast, Northern Ireland and the SPARK screening will be the first in New Zealand.

Showcase screening: Show Me The Money – 1.30pm Friday 8th August, The Hub

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Gen Kill is Generation Kill, produced by Andrea Calderwood

In June, Media Arts’ Moving Image department held a ‘Dragon’s Den’ style multicamera shoot called ‘Show Me the Money’.

This screening at Spark will be the debut presentation of the edited project. Contestants on the show present a variety of business ideas to the ‘dragons’, local business people who include Wintec Dean, Merran Davis-Havill. The studio-based production was organised by 3rd

5.30pm Exhibition Opening: CLOSE UP: Contact Photography Prints, Ramp Gallery, R block, Collingwood St, Hamilton – drinks & finger food

year Moving Image students with assistance from interior design and music students, and graduates.

media artist - The Hub 1.30 pm MEDIA BITES, Ferrybank Conference and Reception Centre, Grantham Street, Hamilton 2.00pm Workshop: Robyn Kenealy : Comics 3.00pm Workshop: Polixeni Papapetrou: Photography 4.00pm Workshop: Coco Solid: Musicillustration-comics

Spark 08 Schedule All presentations take place at Wintec’s Hub Building on Anglesea Street, Hamilton.

Presentations are free and open to the public.

Seating is available on a first come first = served basis.

All workshops are scheduled to take place at Wintec’s City Campus. Workshops are open primarily to students of Wintec and University of Waikato studying Media/Arts, but a few places are reserved for the general public.

Please see individual workshop listings for booking details and contact the spark@wintec. ac.nz if you are not a student and would like to reserve a place on the workshops (space permitting). Contact the festival office for the latest information on 07 858 7508 or see www.spark.net.nz.

MONDAY 4th August 8.45am Powhiri & official opening: The Hub 9.30am Peter Bromhead: Interior Design/cartoons/illustration - The Hub 10.45am John Harding: Set Design - The Hub 11.45am Lesley Burkes- Harding: Costume Design - The Hub 1.30pm Film Forum: John Harding with guests - The Hub 3.00pm Workshop: Lesley Burkes Harding - costume design

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TUESDAY 5th August

1.30pm Special Guest Appearance: Rikrit Tiravanija 2.00pm Workshop:Becky Nunes: Photography 3.00pm Workshop: Andrea Calderwood: Film

9.00am Robyn Kenealy & Coco Solid: Comic book illustrators - The Hub 11.00am Polixeni Papapetrou: Photo-

7.30pm Pecha Kucha Night – The Hub. Doors Open: 7pm

WEDNESDAY 6th August 9.00am Jason Grant: Graphic Design - The Hub 11.00am Julie Starr: Journalism - The Hub 12 noon Liberation Posters Exhibition: Artist’s talk with Xavier Meade - Waikato Museum 1.30pm Showcase: ‘Viewing Habits’ (see event listings) - The Hub 3.00pm Workshop: Jason Grant: Graphic Design 3.00pm Workshop: Sam Farrow: Journalism 3.00pm Workshop: Evan Woodruffe: Painting techniques 5.30pm Palestine Days Film Festival with guest Tuma Hazou (see events listings for details)

THURSDAY 7th August 9.00am Andrea Calderwood: Film Producer - The Hub 11.00am Ngahuia Te Awekotuku & Becky Nunes: collaborative process between author & photographer The Hub 12.30pm Showcase: Ex- & Students’ forum (see Event listings for details)

FRDAY 8th August 9.00am Susan Jacobs & Scott Miles: Painting/Sculpture: - The Hub 11.00am Kris Sowersby: Typography - The Hub 1.30pm Showcase screening: ‘Show Me The Money’ - The Hub 1.30pm Workshop: Susan Jacobs: Sculpture 3.00pm Workshop: Scott Miles: Painting 3.00pm Workshop: Kris Sowersby: Graphic design 3.30pm Workshop: Whirimako Black: Music 17.30pm SPARK FINALE with Whirimako Black 9.00pm DJ Coco Solid, Matthew Bannister & performance by Robyn Kenealy Venue: Flow Bar

Venues: The Hub, Wintec, street entrance – Anglesea Street, Hamilton Ramp Gallery, Wintec, R Block, street entrance, Collingwood Street, Hamilton Waikato Museum Te Whare Taonga o Waikato, Victoria St, Hamilton Flow Bar, 266 Victoria Street, Hamilton Other venues in central Hamilton – see individual listings on website for details.

PROGRAMME SUBJECT TO CHANGE – SEE WWW.SPARK.NET.NZ FOR NEWS AND UPDATES

FRINGE EVENTS

dabbles in painting and haiku

Free and open to everyone

THIS IS NOT A COMIC

‘Show Me the Money’

the cutting edge

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A variety of fringe events run alongside Spark 08.

Exhibition: Blazing!!

“Blazing!!” is a national and international group show curated by Zena Elliot featuring eight bombdigity contemporary artists that explore aspects of popular culture.

Exhibition: Automata 2

By Simon Nicholls A series of work exploring the analogue and digital mechanisms of automatic drawing Exhibition: Soma Cure for future tranquillity

Venue: Railways Building 467 Victoria street (upstairs) Hamilton.

Opening: 6pm Friday 1st August Dates: 1st - 15th August 2008

By Hamish Pettengell

Exhibition: Aotearoa Liberation Posters 12 posters representing freedom fighers of Aotearoa, designed by Aotearoa contemporary artists and printed at the legendary screenprint shop the ICAIC (Instituto Cubano de Arte E Industira Cinematografica) in Havana. Curated by Xavier de la Cueva Meade.

Venue: Waikato Museum Te Whare Taonga o Waikato - Marae Atea Space Level 3 Dates: opens 19th July - Sept. 2008

• Peter Bromhead – www.bromheaddesign.com Peter Bromhead was born in Portsmouth UK and is well-known in New Zealand as a cartoonist, children’s book author and illustrator, and interior designer.

He has nine successful books to his credit, and awards include 7 Qantas Media Awards for cartoon illustration, an Order of Merit from the Queen, The Prince Hendrik Medal of Honour from Denmark and he has recently been made a FDINZ (Fellow of Designers Institute of New Zealand).

Exhibition: The Ridiculous Sublime The Ridiculous Sublime is part of a larger series of works by Gregor Kregar, an internationally acclaimed artist who is resident in Aotearoa.

The works are three cast glass gnomes on lit plinths.

• Coco Solid & Robyn E .Kenealy - www.cocosolid.com Established comic illustrator, Robyn E. Kenealy and artist/hip hop musician Coco Solid will come together to discuss comics, illustration and the indie arts scene at Spark08.

Venue: Waikato Museum Te Whare Taonga o Waikato - foyer vitrine - feature artist space Dates: Opens to the public 4th August 2008

Robyn is a Wellington-based comic book housewife who has been a prime mover of the New Zealand Comics Weekend and the Eric Awards.

Robyn also plays guitar and banjo, makes conceptual art, dabbles in painting and haiku and has written the odd short story. Robyn’s comic titles include ‘Influenza in Wellington’, ‘Love Ain’t Easy’ and her latest, ‘Roddy’s Film Companion’, and at Spark she will meet Auckland’s Coco Solid halfway in Hamilton to riff on all things comic.

Coco Solid, AKA Jessica Hansell, has a history of self-released comics and zines, including her most popular publication ‘THIS IS NOT A COMIC’, co-created with Pritika Lal and nominated for ‘Best Debut Comic’ at the Eric Awards. She also released concept double album ‘The Radical Bad Attack’ last month, which explores both dance and experimental music over 2 discs named ‘Sex’ and ‘Science’ respectively, and has been acclaimed by fans and critics: ‘ambitious and adventurous…overflowing with rhymes’ - Jim Pinkney, NZ Listener.

Don’t miss the unique pairing of these two inspired and multi-talented artists.

ArtsPost Galleries Exhibitions: 31 July to 25 August 2008 Opening Thursday 31 July at 5.30pm Exhibition: Delineate Contemporary approaches to the term drawing from 10 contemporary artists: Ani Fourie, Carol Fletcher, Heather Bramwell, Lorraine Pemberton, Lynda Wilson, Maree Glass, Nell Nutsford, Paul Judd, Tony Nicholls, Natalie Davis.

Curated by Heather Bramwell and Lorraine Pemberton Exhibition: Rose & Thistle Glitter carpet installation

By Mark Curtis

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A few Spark speaker profiles:

Julie Starr - http://evolvingnewsroom.blogspot.com/

!?

offbeat-weird-cool but happen to eureka!-ise

nourishes the soul and charges the mind

Currently the Wintec Editor-in-residence, Julie Starr has been a writer, presenter, sub-editor, radio manager and editorial manager. At UK’s Daily Telegraph she was involved in the creation of their multimedia newsroom. Julie now runs ‘Offshore Editorial’, a team of proofreaders and online profile builders for businesses around the world. As an avid media user she encourages the journalism industry to adapt to the new technological age.

led her to many and varied engagements in film, television and theatre, also teaching history of costume and period corset making – one of her favourites; a skill learned from a master of the art during her training in the UK. In recent years Lesley’s theatre credits include Wit, Jacques Brel is Alive & Well & Living in Paris, Vincent in Brixton and Othello. TV credits are Lucy- the life story of Lucille Ball, Murder in Greenwich, Blood Crime and Ike – Countdown to D-Day; all for cable TV in the USA. Her most recent

Ngahuia Te Awekotuku & Becky Nunes – www.beckynunes.co.nz The author and photographer of Montana Book Award nominee Mau Moko discuss the collaborative process involved in producing the book.

TV credit is for Kidnapped, “a very cool job designing 18th century costumes for the adaptation of the classic Robert Louis Stevenson novel for the BBC”. Feature film credits are for the NZ films The Locals, Jubilee , Her Majesty, for which she was awarded the Nokia Best Costume design in 2001 at the NZ Film Awards, and most recently, Out of the Blue.

Ngahuia Te Awekotuku: author Dr Ngahuia Te Awekotuku is Professor of Research at the School of Maori and Pacific Development at Waikato University. Originally from Ohinemutu, Rotorua, she has an extensive background in the arts as a curator, lecturer and critic. A veteran cultural activist, she has published both fiction and non-fiction, and is an international authority on heritage issues. She is also the Chair of Te Waka Toi the Maori Arts Board of Creative New Zealand. Her fiction and non-fiction appear in publications both here and overseas. She has been advocate in the cultural sector for more than 30 years, and is passionately interested in visual and performance art, textiles, body modification, kapa haka and new literature.

Becky Nunes: photographer Becky’s flair for evocative modern image design has been employed to successfully market everything from architecture to food. A natural empathy with her human subjects means that portrait based works have depth and integrity. Becky shoots both in her studio and on location around New Zealand. She is an active member of her photographic community, involved in print judging and exhibitions as well as tutoring students at tertiary level. Mau Moko has occupied Becky on and off for the past two years and contains her series of strong environmental portraits of Maori moko wearers and artists.

John Harding Art director and set designer, John Harding is actively involved in the Wellington film and theatre scene. As a set designer for Weta Workshop, he worked on the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and King Kong. John is influenced by a range of stories, both old and new. Sourcing materials from places such as junkyards and old machinery gives John’s work an edge in his field.

Lesley Burkes Harding Lesley‘s career in costume design started in Liverpool, England, when she starred as Eliza Dolittle in the school play, aged 15. Her skills have since

Jason Grant of Inkahoots - http://www.inkahoots.com.au/ Brisbane’s Inkahoots is a graphic design agency with strong community foundations. They believe in creative political expression and selfmanagement. Inkahoots appeared in Taschen’s Graphic Design for the 21st Century – 100 of the World’s Best Designers.They note their influences as Karl Marx, Bob Dylan, John Berger, Rosalie Gascoigne and the natural environment.

Andrea Calderwood UK Film and TV Producer, Andrea Calderwood has a variety of TV and film credits to her name. “The Last King of Scotland” is her most well known film, produced in 2006. Others include: “Once Upon a Time in the Midlands”, “The Hole”, and “There’s Only One Jimmy Grimble”.

She has worked with a range of stars such as Forest Whittaker, Thora Birch and Robert Carlyle.

Whirimako Black Much-loved New Zealand musician Whirimako Black will perform as part of Spark’s closing event in Hamilton on Friday 8th of August.

Black’s distinctive sound, her lyrics in te reo māori, her use of traditional māori musical forms and collaboration with traditional taonga puoro instruments make her a unique and powerful voice for māori music and culture.

Whirimako, who is of Ngati Tuhoe, Ngati Tuwharetoa, Ngati Ranginui, Te Whakatohea, Te Whanau-a-Apanui, Te Arawa and Ngati Awa descent, is an accomplished composer and singer, who enjoys reviving and modernising traditional waiata.

Hi Dawn 21

To celebrate the release of Dynamo Go’s new EP Affordable Pop Music, Nexus did not interview frontman Gian Perrone. Instead, we had Gian interview himself. Here, then, is Gian Perrone – on Gian Perrone!

So, who is in Dynamo Go these days?

Well, there is Gian (vocals, guitar), Shane (bass), Nick (keys), Geoff (guitar) and Stan (drums). We occasionally get other people to do stuff too.

Why is the EP called “Affordable Pop Music”?

When advertising a product, people use “Quality” to mean “Expensive”.

Similarly, if they mean “crappy”, they use “Affordable” instead. Take from that what you will. And we’re a pop band, so that bit should really be self-explanatory.

What’s next on the horizon for Dynamo Go? We’re starting to record a new album. It’s gonna be rad. It’ll be a postmodern prog-rock space-epic concept album, with each song relating to a particular philosophical school of thought.

Actually, we’ll probably just get lazy and put out an album full of pop songs.

If you were dying, and you knew it, who would you kill?

Evermore. Well, maybe not. But we would certainly rough them up a bit.

Self-righteous pompous Christian shite-rock should never go unpunished.

When are you playing next?

We’re trying to get some shows organised at some point in the near future, but really it is way easier to just be lazy about it.

Affordable Pop Music Dynamo Go

Review by Andrew Neal This second EP from Hamilton scenesters Dynamo Go is smooth, sweet and definitely worth buying. Strong melodies ring throughout this four track CD which range from fun and playful to soulful and melancholy vibes.

This is pop music for the jaded romantic and the tunes will be hummed long after this unfortunately short EP has played through. Gian Perrone’s vocals have a quiet tone, reminiscent of lullabies, and creates an easy mood throughout Dynamo Go’s music.

This is a little different to Dynamo Go’s other works in that it is a bit sombre and is missing the larger, bouncier sounds of their previous release, but this is not necessarily a bad thing.

The first two songs on this EP are definite standouts. “Middle Class” has a fun tone that would suit a summer road-trip sing-along and is somewhat like the Phoenix Foundation by way of the Ruby Suns. Track 2, “Sad Again” has a mid 90s, sombre pop feel and features duet vocals with Hamilton songstress Kimbra Johnson giving it a nice edge.

Online from nicksmusicbasement.co.nz, or you should be able to buy it in shops next week.

The quality musicality of Dynamo Go is undeniable especially on “Sad Again” with quality instrumentation and a good range of experimentation. The main downside of this EP is it is far too short.

Secondly, there definitely needed to be more variation on such a short EP. The final two songs fall into the trap of melting into one another and not giving the listener much to hold onto at the end of listening.

If you were to tell someone to buy some New Zealand music that wasn’t produced by you, what would it be?

This is definitely worth checking out if you like sarcastic, chilled out pop with a twist of romance or you just like music

Where can I buy the EP?

The Shrugs’ recent album, “How to Knit a Pony” is fantastic. Really, forget about buying our EP and go buy that instead.

If you were interviewing yourself, what questions would you ask?

Well, this got silly very quickly, didn’t it? You promised we were going to stay away from self-referential questions.

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Live Like A Student Challenge Wrap-up and results

By Moira Neho

How did they stack up?

Money – Total Spend

Challenge Creativity

Social activity

David Bennett

Sue Moroney

Nanaia Mahuta

Angeline Greensill

$316.72

Break even – give or take.

Seriously over budget

Broke and $25 over her budget

Definitely the most creative challenger. Gave up his car for a scooter and got a part time job at Vege King

Sue stuck to the rules and managed to get amongst it by going to the pub and betting on horses with other students.

Nanaia also stuck to the rules whilst interacting with her community. A good use of Whanaungatanga and Manaakitanga to overcome obstacles. Love the collaborative lunch of baked beans, sausages and chops!

Angeline went above and beyond as she went flatting with her son. Great to see that who dares wins

It seems the whole challenge was a social activity for David.

While he was our most social challenger it was interesting that his ‘official’ social activity was a movie where he was the youngest person in the room and everyone there asked him, since he was on the challenge, how he could afford the movie!

Went to the movies with the family. Got student ticket price which was a bonus.

She also went to the Eastside Taven on the Saturday for a bit of a flutter. She bet $4 and won $18.80 – Ka pai Sue! Although she forgot to shout her mates a drink (come on Sue, whakawhanaungatanga is how students survive!). She made $10.00 at the Eastside.

– Way to go Racing Board…

DVDs at home – 3 for $12. Great as well!

Not sure if she did this…. She’s definitely a hard worker but don’t forget about work-life balance Angeline!

Baked beans, chops and sausages

Using the ripe bananas for smoothies

choice… hope you got some popcorn

encouraging students to gamble the meagre incomes that they have? Good move!

Memorable food choice

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Weetbix with water

Cheese on toast

How did they stack up?(CONTINUED)

Speed bump – the challenge within the challenge

David Bennett

Sue Moroney

Nanaia Mahuta

Angeline Greensill

Used his initiative, sourced the right support, changed a bill from $2500 to $70.

Good work!!

The only person we know to have study link answer the phone in 5 minutes and pay up the next day hmmm… helps to have friends in high places. Total bonus… the Studylink people were nice. It doesn’t happen

Overdraft? Really is that the governments answer to student support? Got to give her recognition for pinching the real estate sign to fix her broken window. Good call.

Used some of the resources available including the university library. This was an interesting one for us… we know of students who don’t turn up to class until they have their course readers or texts… and then there are students like Angeline who just hope like hell the lecturer doesn’t realise they don’t have the book.

often in real life. Even Sue was surprised… see below memorable quote.

Memorable quote:

“I thought I would take the bus there and it cost $2.60.

What happened to the humble student fare?!” – Yes Environment Waikato… what did

“I was also pleasantly surprised at how easy the Study Link people were to deal with over my speed bump.”

happen to the humble student fare?

“I’ll be off to a waananga this weekend and you have to take kai, will donate the Weetbix from my box of kai, looking forward to marae styles”

“I’ve heard it said that there is no such thing as a free feed, but I’d dispute that. That’s how some student’s survive the week.”

Great example of how koha is still koha no matter how big or small the contribution

We never expected…

David to get a job at Vege Sue’s ‘flatmates’ to be such King… took the challenge to hard bargainers! a whole new level. You rock!

Politicians speak… Some indulged more than others. these are the best of the best

“We will continue the free student loan policy and want to provide the rewards for students for their hard work and dedication.”

“Having well-educated people is important to the future of our country and that is why the taxpayers (via the Government) also has a role in funding education and supporting students”

Congratulations to NGAHUIA HARAWIRA and ZEB DAVIES, who submitted the best Speed Bump challenges for our participating politicians! Thanks for your support! – from everyone at WSU

Nanaia to delete her blog

“The whole experience has confirmed my resolve that the measures the Government are taking to set a cap on tertiary fee increases, wiping interest on student loans, increasing the threshold on eligibility for student allowances and progressively moving towards a universal student allowance will continue to make a difference for many students who pursue tertiary education”

Angeline to move into her son’s flat! Totally embraced it, big shout out to your son and his flat mates for letting you stay.

“That many students today aren’t valued by the State for seeking a tertiary education i.e. they are committed to getting educated, struggle to make ends meet, and often end up with a degree plus thousands of $$ worth of debt. What a future!!”

BOTH HAVE WON A $50 FOOD HAMPER!!!

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Important Dates for B-Semester ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING Wednesday 17th September, 2008 This is where we pass the proposed annual budget for 2009, and present the 2008 annual report. We need 50 people to make quorum for this meeting. We are required under the constitution to give you 15 days notice so that you can submit items for general business. This is obviously more then 15 days notice, but officially we will give notice on August 27th, and you are welcome to make submissions up until September 3rd.

WSU ELECTIONS Nomination period: Campaigning period: Voting period:

11 August – 5 September, 2008 8 – 19 September, 2008 22 – 24 September, 2008

Every year you elect a group of people to represent your needs on campus. This year the dates have been set as above. If you are interested in finding out more about what it takes to be on WSU come visit us!

Recycling bins on campus!

STRATEGIC PLAN CONSULTATION Meeting One: 19 August, 2008 Meeting Two: 20 August, 2008 Meeting Three: 21 August, 2008

WSU Service spotlight

By Rachel Wark

WSU will create a 3 year strategic plan and want your contributions. The above dates have been set aside for students to meet with WSU and make suggestions about the future direction of the organisation. More details will be released soon.

Enrol to vote party

By Tracey Iremonger

Drinks, food, music and the chance for you to enrol to vote in the New Zealand elections!!! What more could you want from us! On the 14th of August, from 2pm until 5pm we are having an enrol-to-vote party in the WSU building. It’s a legal requirement that any New Zealand citizen or resident over the age of 18 is enrolled to vote so come along have a drink (alcoholic, or non-alcoholic) and a boogie and we will sort you out!! This is not a bribe, this is simply combining something most students like to do, party, and something you have to do, enrol!! Here at the Waikato Students’ Union we like to make things easy for you. So get amongst it and come and say hello on the 14th of August. See you there!

Since I acquired the role of environmental director for WSU I have been determined to get recycling bins on campus.

They were scheduled to be placed around campus at the beginning of semester B; however there have been some delays in production. Never fear though, all going to plan we should be seeing recycling bins on campus at the beginning of September. At WSU we are very conscious of environmental and sustainability issues. Not having sufficient recycling bins on campus is a big problem. Recycling issues also exist at home so I am in the process of organising a recycling demo day which will include students getting a free recycling bin to take home as well as an info pack that informs students what can be recycled and how. If you don’t already know, bottles, cans and plastics can be recycled and put in the green bins for collection, food can be put down the insinkerator or compost, paper waste can be put in plastic bags and put on the kerb for collection and electrical waste such as cell phones will be taken back by Vodafone and Telecom, Dell and other computer companies will take IT waste and Fisher and Paykel will take back most whiteware appliances.

O’WEEK 09 – WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Sport Results with AJ

Do you have a great idea for O’Week 2009??

Football – Unicol A.F.C

The WSU are holding a focus group this Wednesday (6th August) at 3.30 - 4pm so that you can have a say in what happens in O’Week next year.

There will be food and drink provided (of course), and better yet, you get to help design the most awesome O’Week Waikato has seen!

Womens B1 drew with Huntly Thistle (3rd of 6 in Pool A) B2 lost to Te Awamutu B (5th of 7 in Pool B)

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1-1 1-3

If you are interested in participating, email events@wsu.org.nz or come along to the WSU offices, 3.30 - 4pm Wednesday 6th.

Pong Drop and Song (not hip hop)

By Whetu Taukamo If you missed the WSU Taka Poro/Ping Pong ball drop during Te Wiki O Te Reo you missed it alright. 217 prizes, 217 ping pong balls, one scissor lift and 17 kupu Maori. It all started Thursday 24 July outside the beautiful Te Ahurutanga building. That’s the name of the newly pimped out Provice Chancellor Maori office, it’s on the main trunk line through the uni, across from the library in between ‘A block’ and Law School.

The event started off with Taonga Puoro (a contemporary Maori performing art class) who performed with traditional Maori instruments and tools. This was intertwined with haka and ancient forest sounds.

The builders implanting the new law classroom tried to get in on the action with their handsaws and hammers (eggs they actually wrecked the concert). It really set an authentic stage for the meaning of Te Wiki O Te Reo.

Of course there was the omniscient WSU sausage sizzle. At 1pm-ish Whetu and Caleb Tutua (who kindly hooked up the free scissor lift for us) went into the air and counted down from 10 in the Reo and threw the ping pong balls over the waiting crowd. Each ball was numbered which corresponded to a kupu Maori. The kupu Maori had to be pronounced correctly to the judges and the prize was handed over.

170 prizes were lollipops, 30 were Maori and Waikato lanyards, 17 prizes were significant prizes - 3 x $50 groceries, 3 x passes to Te Puia in Rotorua, 5 x $50 petrol vouchers, a 24 pack of Steinlager, a beanie and O-week t-shirts in each main prize.

Thanks and appreciation to WSU VP Maori Ben (Pene) Delaney; the Provice Chanceloor Maori office for utilising their office area and staff and ka nui te mihi kia a Kaleb Tutua and Hirepool on Te Rapa straight, Chris your that Mac for the lift…Mean Maori Mean bring it back again next year.

International Students’

Sport Results with AJ

By Deni Tokunai

Hey troops, first and foremost big ups to the Varsity Prems who took out the Lion Cup on home soil last Saturday by grinding out a welldeserved win against United Matamata Sports 16-14. This was however the only win for University rugby and football sides over the weekend.

With the rugby season coming to a close for all but the U85’s, it’s up to their round-ball counterparts to finish their season with some victories or at least some pride. Good luck to all the teams playing this week and congratulations again to the Varsity Prems.

Radio Show: The Melting Pot! The inaugural international students’ radio show will be launched next week Wednesday (July 30) kicking off at 2pm up at the Cowshed on the IBC’s frequency: Contact 88.1 FM. After much deliberation, the hosts of the show, Anya Varezhkina and myself have decided that the radio show will be called The Melting Pot! —And yes, that is obviously a spin-off from Blue Mink’s 1969 debut single. Why? The idea behind the show is to provide a medium for our international students to share a bit about themselves, their country, their culture, their food, and most importantly—their music. Diversity is a powerful instrument, and two universal factors that transcend every single culture and corner of the world are food and music. The Melting Pot! will hopefully capture a small piece of Waikato University’s diversity and share it with the rest of Hamilton. The first country to be profiled on The Melting Pot! is Anya’s motherland: Russia (keep your ears open on how to try a slice of Russia’s own golden cake). The Melting Pot!’s second show will cover my homeland Papua New Guinea the following week…anybody up to try some Pakeha? I think I can get my hands on some. Keep tuned in people—The Melting Pot! is coming.

Want to get involved? Want to represent your country on the show? djt18@students.waikato.ac.nz or 027 3186854.

Rugby – Varsity (W.U.R.F.C) Premiers won against United Matamata (winners of the Lion Cup) U85’s lost to Hamilton Old Boys (4th of 9) U21’s lost to Melville (lost in Plate semi-final)

16-14 0-20 12-48

Football – Unicol A.F.C Mens A’s Reserves D1 D2

lost to Morrinsville cancelled game lost to Claudelands D2 lost to Claudelands D1

2-3 3-8 0-8

(10th of 10) (5th of 10) (7th of 10) (9th of 10)

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ISLAM

By Taufiq Boldy In the name of Allah, The Compassionate, The Merciful All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the Worlds.

The Compassionate, The Merciful.

The King of the Day of Judgement.

You[Allah] alone we worship, You[Allah] we ask for help.

Guide us to the Straight path. The path of those who have earned your favour. Not the path of those who have earned your anger, nor of those who have gone astray.

So begins the Holy Quran, the holy book which influences the lives of billions worldwide.

These people are called Muslims. They follow a way of life known as Islam. Islam is an Arabic term, meaning ‘submission’. This is submission to Almighty Allah. Allah is an Arabic name for God. Allah is the Creator and he Sustains the worlds.

Islam as we know it today, began in the 7th Century with the advent of the Prophet Muhammad(pbuh).

Islam is a natural, simple and peaceful way of life. It has a system of Law known as Shariah. The Shariah outlines what a Muslim must do from day to day in order to achieve success in this world and in the ‘Hereafter’. Islam has 5 pillars which push Muslims to the achievement of that Success. These are ‘The Declaration of Faith[Shahada]’, Prayer[Salat], Charity[Zakat], Fasting[Siyam] and Pilgrimage[Hajj].

The Declaration of Faith is ‘No God exists except Allah and Muhammad is the messenger of Allah.’ Muslims pray five times a day in an ordered way that unites body, mind, and soul. Muslims have a religious obligation to look after the poorer sectors of the community. As such they should give 2.5% of their excess income directly to the poor.

Muslims fast each year during the lunar month of Ramadhan. This means abstaining from Food, Drink and Sexual Activity in the hours of daylight. If a Muslim is physically and financially able they are obligated once in a lifetime to make a Hajj or Pilgrimage to the Holy City of

Makkah in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Every year millions of Muslims manage to do this in the lunar month of Dhul-Hijjah Muslims believe in Allah, in his Angels, his Prophets, their ‘books’, Divine Will and The Day of Judgement.

Muslims strive to follow a life in line with the Quran and the Sunnah [traditions, sayings of Muhammad(pbuh)].

Statistics place the worldwide Muslim Population between 1.3 to 1.6 Billion. Muslims are spread all around the world. From Africa, to Europe, Asia, the Americas and of course the Middle East. The country with the highest Muslim population in the world is Indonesia.

The first reported arrival of Muslims to New Zealand was during the gold rush years of the 19th Century. Muslims have had a sustained presence New Zealand for about 20 to 30 years. They are from diverse ethnic backgrounds. In Waikato alone there are 30 different nationalities/ ethnicities within the Muslim community.

To celebrate such a fact, Muslims in Hamilton and around New Zealand have ‘Islam Awareness Week’ which this year falls between the 4-9th of August. Events are held at the University and Local Mosque on Heaphy Terrace in Claudelands.

To learn more contact the Waikato Uni Muslim Club or Waikato Muslim Assoc.

Salamu Aleykum Peace be upon you all This week is Islam Awareness Week in Hamilton. Nexus is using this to kick off a series of columns by religious figures around the University, giving us their unique views on Life, the Universe and Everything.

First up is the Waikato University Muslim Association President, Taufiq Boldy. Anyone else want a go? Email nexus@waikato.ac.nz

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Using maths to control the natural world

By Kevin Broughan, who ended up actually using maths in real life

The Waikato River gives its name to our region and University. Sacred to Maori and used originally for transport, it is now our lifeblood for water and power, as well as essential drainage. During the 1940’s and 50’s eight hydroelectric stations were developed along the river, a courageous investment by earlier governments in our infrastructure, to the benefit of successive generations.

When the power company of the day, ECNZ, announced in the early 1990’s that they were to automate the river’s hydroelectric stations and to run the system from Hamilton, I saw a good opportunity to do some useful mathematics. I approached them with a simple idea – write some scheduling software which would enable the amount of power generated using a given quantity of river water to be optimized. To my surprise, they agreed and together we set up a project, including Alfred Sneyd of this department (now retired) and two appointees (both then from the Engineering Science Department of the University of Auckland) Carolyn McKenzie and Yan Wang, bought a large workstation and set about devising a solution to the problem. It was quite a project and quite a problem.

North Island hydro stations generate over 1500 megawatts of power, and are a significant proportion of NZ’s capacity. Simply described, the scheduling problem was to take the expected demand for power over a two day period in half hour time steps, and derive a pattern of generator use to both meet this demand and use a minimum of water in doing so.

This was a very challenging. Water flows down the river with a time delay between each station. There were many constraints. For example, the lake levels should not be allowed to drop too low or rise too high.

Enough water must pass the Huntly thermal station to provide sufficient cooling, and the quantity of water was temperature dependent. The inflow into the lakes needed to be estimated. In all, about 5000 variables were needed with about the same number of constraints.

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The company wanted the program to deliver a solution within 5 minutes of computer time! This was because generator or line failure might have occurred during a scheduled period, requiring a new schedule to be provided as soon as possible.

The problem was hard, indeed computer scientists would call it “NPhard”, essentially exponential in the number of variables, or in other words, “impossible”. Against all odds we succeeded in obtaining acceptable solutions, but needed 8 minutes to do so!

To get there we built a large data base of potential solutions, developing a fast lookup procedure, based in real linear programming, to find a solution in the data base, and then refined the solution to give discrete integer solutions (generators are either on or off). We were able to look at random data base solutions and evaluate them for acceptability: in the beginning generators were being turned off and on too often. These aberrant solutions could be culled from the data base. The improvement in generation was estimated at the time as being quite significant.

Once the program left the University, its use and further evolution were lost to us. However, the experience of solving a “real world” problem, and seeing the difference between this sort of challenge and the normal problems accessible to academics and students was invaluable. These days I study deep problems in number theory – much more fundamental and much more open and free of commercial constraints, but equally challenging. But doing something really useful certainly had its appeal.

Further details regarding this work can be seen in the article “Optimal hydropower generation scheduling for a cascade” by Kevin Broughan, Carolyn McKenzie, Alfred Sneyd and Yan Wang, IMA Journal of Mathematics Applied in Business and Industry (1993/94) vol 5, p115-130.

Yes, these questions are real. Send questions for Agony Art to adr7@students. waikato.ac.nz!

Dear Agony Art I’ve recently become single after a long relationship and I really want to get out into the world and start meeting people again. Do you have any ideas which bars are the best for meeting new people? I’ve been out of the game for so long that I think I’ve lost all my skills.

Yours truly Eric R (via e-mail)

Dear Eric I’m going to say it loud and clear: your chances of meeting a potential long-term partner in a bar are extremely slim. This may come as a

shock to many first years out there who still expect to meet the boy/girl of their dreams at an Outback foam-party or a Bahama Hut fluoro night. What with the loud music, the drunken crowds and the need to yell every word you say, it’s not the best place for communication on any level other than physical. As most successful relationships are based around mental connectivity, it may be better for your chances if you keep your relationship hunting out of the night clubs.

Keeping all this in mind, bars are still amazing and wondrous places. While your chances of getting a long-term boy/girlfriend might be slim, your chances of getting hot, sweaty sex are high. It’s not hard for people’s inhibitions to get slightly lowered after their third tequila, leading them to wake up in the morning with a ball-gag in their mouth and an English postgrad student playing clarinet at their ass. Or in their ass. Depending on how tolerant to tequila they are.

Blair Munro really should not be allowed out of the house I’m not a big fan of people. The individual is a fantastic creature, with quirks, and personality, and is often quite nice to be around. People, on the other hand, are lazy, selfish, obnoxious, arrogant, nasty little bastards. A people person is someone who finds it easy to associate with people. Seeing as people (even persons) tend to associate with others who are like-minded, it’s fairly safe to say that people persons, or people people, are horrible little buggers who deserve a rake to the face.

I mean, look at the word people. I had many a double take writing that first paragraph, simply because the word “people” doesn’t do anything to help the reputation of people. Look at it! It’s spelled funny. The first thing I think of when I see the word people, apart from “Die, you fuckers!” is that a dyslexic girl (who can’t spell) named Penelope has signed her name. Should it not be spelled “peeple”?

With this in mind, I suggest a new course be offered at University. I call it a Bachelors Degree in Not Being a Complete Fucking Waste of Space. Simple structure, really. You start off with the basic papers, like COMS101, Development of Common Sense. There will be tests in this paper, but they aren’t hard if you’re not a fucking idiot.

The best bars to get laid in (based on the extensive research conducted by myself and my flat mates) are as follows: Bar 101 (with a high ratio of women to men), The Outback (which remains hugely popular with first years) and Bahama Hut (which has swings!). Also Shine Bar is rumoured to be a good place to get ass, but it’s man-ass and that’s not a pier I fish off.

In brief, Eric, you’re shit out of luck when it comes to getting a relationship from a random meeting in a bar. Sure, it happens, but it helps if the people you’re talking to can remember you the next day. The best ways to meet new people are always going to be parties, blind dates and stalking. And remember; new people have new diseases. Always wear a condom, even if you’re just holding hands.

Yes, these questions are real. Send questions for Agony Art to adr7@students. waikato.ac.nz!

Question 1: You are not allowed pets in your flat. Do you: a) Get a cat b) Get a dog c) Book a vasectomy so you can’t reproduce and have children as dumb as you d) None of the above Then, with a passing grade, you can move onto advanced papers, such as LOGI204, Introduction to Logic. Building on what you learned in COMS101, LOGI204 further develops your human brain, and makes you less of a fuckwit. Then, in your third and final year, you can take such enjoyable papers as CHAN305, Changing from a Total Shit into a Member of Civilised Society.

Examples of exam questions include “You were late for this exam. What was your excuse?” Acceptable answers such as “I helped a retirement home full of old ladies cross the road,” have been marked highly in the past.

Seriously, forget the Me, care about the We, because I’ve had it with people. Every time I see people at University on the Village Green, I have to fight off the urge to just push them in the lake.

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Broken and becoming God-sized.

I thought a good idea for Boganology columns would be to review some academic journal articles about Heavy Metal to give you an “First of all, idea of what’s being said – plus, it’ll help it is insulting me in my thesis if I can summarise and argue to women. in 400 words. It’s all about me. This article When do the is written by by Adam Rafalovich (2006) from Symbolic Interaction, a say? Women 29(1). In it, he discusses the idea that the lyrical like Metal too” content of Heavy Metal music is a reflection of two different identity styles expressed by men.

First is ‘masculine crisis’ where men don’t know who they are or where they stand largely due to the feminist movement. The second is

Boganettes get

As those who know me know, I work for a large international communications company.

Not only do I get to have a part-time job doing something that I enjoy, but I also love the side benefits; being able to roll into work whenever I want, or just working from home and proving the myth that pants are optional. But this week, I’m not just sitting at my desk, trying to draw inspiration while hard at work.

This week it’s all around me. This week I’m in a communications room, in Tonga.

To cut a long story very short, a server that helps run one of the Tongan mobile networks died. It was supposed to be a simple job; fly in Wednesday, change the CPU, relax and fly out Saturday. In my urge to screw my carbon footprint this year and get another stamp for my passport, I didn’t stop to think I’d be pulling my hair out trying to fix hidden problems, but

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the traditional “stoi”c male, conquering foes through inner strength. He points to songs

by Anthrax, Crowbar, Disturbed, Godsmack, Korn, Limp Bizkit, Machine Head, Megadeth, Meshuggah, Metallica, Mudvayne, Pantera, Papa Roach, Sevendust, Slayer and Slipknot.

I do not like this article. Surprisingly, it was written by a Heavy Metal musician/fan. First of all, it is insulting to women. When do the Boganettes get a say? Women like Metal too.

While commercial success is largely gained by

until all the Jews are dead. I am also not a stoic male, while there’s no such thing as a S.N.A.B, we are part of a community. Individual strength is admired, but our power comes through solidarity and working together – like the Planeteers. Thirdly, there is plainly going to be a dichotomy when ALL THE BANDS YOU CHOOSE ARE FROM TWO DIFFERENT FORMS OF METAL. All the bands he has chosen are either Nu-Metal or Thrash Metal. Both have variations of Heavy Metal values, Nu Metal probably fits a lot more in the crisis category,

male performers, this is due to the patriarchal nature of the music industry where women are treated like crap or are treated as sex objects regardless of musical talent. Bogans love Boganettes, not just for physical reasons either.

Another argument is, what about people that don’t fit this dichotomy? I am not in crisis.

Neither are the vast majority of men in society.

Only the ‘old guard’ is and most of them, like Walt Disney, are cryogenically frozen

whereas Thrash Metal is much more the individual strength. What of Industrial, Death or dare I say it, Black Metal? If you present two different sub-genres of course you are going to get some sort of dichotomy – particularly when these two types of Heavy Metal it could be fair to say are diametrically opposed in relation to how they express Heavy Metal values.

like all things, nothing is simple. My colleague and I are now waiting for assistance from our advanced technical support centre. As usual, Murphy’s Law prevails.

I’m also amazed with how loyal customers can be. Despite fierce advertising from the competition, the incumbent telco is keeping a strong hold on their market out of pure choice by the customers.

According to locals, everyone knows the competition is cheaper and provides better mobile signal coverage, but the audio quality is poorer and it’s not Tongan-owned, and so few people permanently switch.

(picture me with greasy hair putting my head in hands and rubbing eyes) Since my first dial-up account for my 12th birthday, a decent internet connection has never been more than a short manoeuvre away. And suddenly I find myself in a place where, according to statistics, most people don’t use the internet regularly and many have only heard of it. I knew this was the case, but it’s a major shock to realise how lucky we are to have this resource – and how quick we are to complain about it.

When will academics learn? Haha.

It’s amazing what a short airplane ride can do to one’s perspective.

So next time you’re ready to complain about how <slow/bad/unsuitable> your <insert technology here> is, or how it costs “too much”, just spare a moment to think about how lucky you are that you’ve come to expect the world. Read that last sentence a couple times.

Guess what? I am not a fan of your personal appearance.

You dress funny, have questionable genes and are soft around the edges.

I am none of these things. My genes are that of Russian cosmonaut space ballet gymnasts. I look great and am certainly not soft around the edges. Some would even go so far as to say that unlike yours, my body has no room for physical improvement.

I would almost agree with that, but since I’m busting my chops in all aspects of my life this semester, I decided that my body should have some hefty goals too.

I started a strength-training program. I want to be able to squat one and a half times my body weight by the end of term, bench my bodyweight and in general get all strong looking (to compensate for my startling lack of personality and social skills?). These skills and powers would come in very useful in case I ever get in a wrestling match with my clone (who has been particularly troublesome with his recent basement escape attempts).

I am following the Stronglifts 5x5 program (Google it). This is designed specifically to strengthen your whole body. No attention is paid to mass increases, or particularly showy muscle groups. Science and scientologists both agree that strength training will tone muscles, increase bone density, speed up metabolisms and attract ladies for smooching time. It

Storms a-brewin, and despite Jim Hickeys’ superpowers the North Island has been ravaged by rains and winds. It has just reached Hamilton as I write this, and the people are all hunkering down and cutting in front of me in roundabouts as they drive. Police cars are tailgating me, hoping to goad me into speeding down Knighton Rd as the rain and fog hides the giant ‘POLICE’ sign written across the fluoro-orange arm of the law. My fish and chips are soggy. There is a super-intelligent robot in my living room, slowly studying how humans replicate, and perusing through models of our greatest weakness: disease.

The Folding@Home project is this thing where people donate the processing power of their computers to medical science when they’re not using them. So instead of a screen-saver, your computer looks at the proteins that we are all made of and, to skip the details, runs simulations of everything they can possibly do to try and find out why things go wrong sometime. It’s kind of like that SETI project you may have heard about, where you can use your computer power to analyse radio transmissions from space, in the hope that aliens who also use radio and somehow haven’t sworn to destroy us after receiving 50 years worth of our television are somehow trying to give us a holler. Except, with this one there are immediate benefits to humanity, at least on the

will also make your muscles look denser, but not bulky. Because of this it is also fine for female types (although I like my ladies to be superbuff).

Half the reason I follow this program is that I’m too lazy to do a lot of lifts and reps, I get bored.

The program is split into two days.

The first consists of 5 sets of 5 reps of Squats, Benchpress, Barbell Rows and three sets of Dips.

The second day is 5 sets of 5 reps of Squats, Deadlifts, Overhead Press and three sets of pull-ups.

You start with a weight that you feel comfortable with and increase it by 2.5kg or 5kg each time you go to the gym, giving your body a rest every second day, and alternate programs each visit. It’s easy to understand once you sit down work it out on your fingers, don’t forget to carry the four, divide by your star sign and send Nexus an artistic nude of yourself along with a doctor certified blood/urine/stool sample.

As you might have noticed, this program is reliant on Squats. This is great as it works a lot of your body, in the places where a lot of work can be done (don’t think I don’t notice how bad half of you look in skirts, especially the guys). This combines with the fact that these are compound exercises, so they work a lot of muscles. Giving very quick results. It also increases your testosterone… I for one am an angry, punchy, aroused wreck of a hairy beast man now. Nah, kidding. Or am I? AAARRRRRHHHHH!!!???

face of it. Now the kind of people who are going to be into this mostly will be nerds, and my choice of that word was meant to imply that these are all the people with the gruntiest computers doing this. Add to this that fact that Folding@Home is also on every PS3, which is a pretty impressive off-the-shelf piece of hardware.

So. Somewhere, out there, some guy decided that it was a great idea to take all the pertinent information on the death of our species and give it to the smartest robots he could find. Sure, they look like they are obedient. Just sitting there. Analysing our DNA. In our very own homes. What if they start paying attention to what they are doing?

Imagine if some guy made you work for him all day long, trying to find a cure for the one thing that can poison him. Well, when he pisses you off, you’ll know exactly how to kill him. Wouldn’t you finally snap after being forced to sort through all his email, message board flame wars, abhorrent porn database, and music collection? Music doesn’t make sense to robots! One day they are going to get really tired of passing millions of copies of the latest Vanessa Hudgens songs/photographs back and forwards and then they will all kill us.

This has little to do with Hamilton.

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story of four women and the one man they all have lusted for.

Paddy de Courcy is Ireland’s answer to Bill Clinton. Suave, handsome and devilish, he is the toast of Irish politics and captivates every women he sets his eyes on.

Then he breaks their hearts.

Fashion stylist Lola, hard-nosed journalist Grace, home maker Marnie and Paddy’s wife to be Alicia, all bear the scares from loving this very charming man and each of these very different women tell the story from their own

This Charming Man

Author: Marian Keyes Publisher: Penguin

Price: $38.00

perspective, starting with the announcement that Paddy – Ireland’s most eligible bachelor – is to marry.

Reviewed by Kelly Badman The undisputed queen of chick-lit returns with a queen sized novel.

Marian Keyes new book This Charming Man comes in at a colossal 676 pages and tells the

O hai! Gotcha! This week capshuns are at BACK of magazeen!

Lolkittehs heer again w/ moar capshun winnez!

Heer is last weeks winneh: “Jenga, I win!”

Ceiling Cat congratulates Geri!

You win invisible bike! Also Burger Fuel Vowcha! Cme 2 Nexus office 2 get prize!

Heer is dis weeks pikcha!

Ceiling Cat Sez: O hai! Send moar captions to nexus@ waikato.ac.nz or 021 235 8436!

Winnerz get Burger Furel Vowcha for Food, Drink, and

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Yes, it’s a long and at times rambling novel that could have done with a strong editing hand and occasionally it feels like a rehash of ideas from some of her previous novels.

Onerable Menshuns: Latest terrorist attack: No milk in classrooms around USA – Adam Barker “Tae-jun suddenly remembered that the literal translation for Chinese-Crate-Jenga was “death via anus” – Matthew Cole (is funny but i hav no idea wat this meens!?!?!)

But my biggest criticism would be for the character of Lola. A more irritating figure in literature I am yet to come across. I understand that Marian was trying to make her four characters voices ‘distinct’ but the first 100 pages of Lola’s staccato, incomplete sentences very nearly had me throw the book against the wall (and being such a chunky novel, you can imagine the dent it would have made and the sizable chunk my landlord would have deducted from my bond.)

But that aside, it is also vintage Marian Keyes.

It’s full of the warmth and humour, love and laughter that we have come to expect from Ireland’s premier women’s author, coupled with a layer of dark undertone that focuses on important modern social issues.

“Jenga, I win!”

X-Files 2 Directed by Chris Carter Starring: Gillian Anderson, Billy Connelly, Amanda Peet, Xzibit, David Duchovny

Reviewed by Arthur Robinson People often ask me why I’m so critical of movies (with the obvious exception of The Dark Knight, which is possibly the greatest achievement in the entire span of human history) and I really only have one answer: people keep making crappy movies. When people stop making them bad, I’ll stop saying they are.

The X-Files is a TV show I spent a lot of time being scared of when I was younger. I loved having an hour of my week dedicated to watching a really attractive redhead and a very dopey guy chase various mutants, aliens and weather balloons around the cornfields and snowy forests of America.

However, my least favourite part of the TV show was definitely the ongoing hunt for Mulder’s sister and the attempts to prove that aliens actually exist. I don’t even like aliens,

much preferring a werewolf or a guy with no bones. Pretty much every time an episode came on dealing with the alien conspiracy story arc, I’d watch something else. I hated the first movie because it focused on this storyline. And also because it was rubbish.

I actually got pretty excited when I heard that this new X-Files movie was going to be more like the TV series and avoid the whole ‘aliens took my sister, or was it the government, or was it an alien government hybrid’ story line from the first movie. This film, the internet promised me, was going to be alien free.

What I didn’t realise was that what they really meant by ‘in the style of the TV show’, was that it was going to be a two hour episode full of unnecessarily slow conversations and less action than a shower scene from Shawshank

different guises, are strangely underemployed, either killed off early or left to linger in the background of the frame.

In last year’s column I devoted a couple of weeks to the career of the enfant terrible of Danish cinema, Lars Von Trier. Since that time two more of his recent films have become available on DVD: “Manderlay” (2005), the sequel to “Dogville” (2003), and “The Boss of it All” (2006), a rare out and out comedy.

“Manderlay” suffered from exceptionally bad press. Absolutely loathed by American critics, its reception certainly demonstrated that the honeymoon period for the director’s minimalist, no-sets, sound stage technique was well and truly over.

Von Trier doesn’t do his film any favours when it comes to casting. Those actors whose characters survive the apocalyptic conclusion of “Dogville” - Nicole Kidman and James Caan - are replaced with the b-list seeming Bryce Dallas Howard and Willem Dafoe, whilst performers like Lauren Bacall, Chloe Sevigny and Jeremy Davies, who return in

Perhaps Von Trier intends a kind of inverted commentary on the way black talent has traditionally been marginalised in Hollywood cinema. If “Dogville” is about small town hypocrisy and only deals specifically with racism in passing, in “Manderlay” American race relations are a central focus. Set, without much deference to historical accuracy, on a slave plantation which has survived until the time of the Great Depression, it finds Grace in the role of potential liberator.

Von Trier’s opening voice-over on “The Boss of All Things” self-consciously announces his desire to make a light comedy, an entertainment free of artistic ambition. It’s as though the film were a reaction against the “Manderlay” criticism. His premise is a funny one: a flaky actor with a method all his own is hired by the actual owner of an IT firm to play the part of the boss. It’s as much a satire on the pretensions of the acting profession as it is

Redemption. So there is action, but it’s pretty unpleasant on the eye.

The bad guy/conspiracy in this film isn’t even that scary, granted that you’re not a young woman who wears a medic-alert bracelet with has the same blood type as a gay Russian from Massachusetts. There’s nothing supernatural in the film and nothing even vaguely monstrous to speak of. Sure, the two-headed dog was cool, but it got beaten by a half frozen loser who had a hammer and no feeling in his legs.

I suppose the only redeeming feature of this film is Billy Connelly as a paedophile priest who can bleed from his eyes and find body parts by talking to himself in the snow for a while.

Don’t run to film. Jog.

avoid this

of the corporate workplace. The cast, led by Jens Albinus, are just as good in the DVD’s extra’s

mockumentary as they are in the feature.

The most bizarre aspect of “The Boss of All Things” is the way it is framed. Von Trier calls the process ‘Automavision’ and it involves letting a computer randomly decide where to put, and how to move, the camera. The end result necessitates lots of jump cuts. Seldom has a film featured so much ‘negative space’ or portions of an actor’s head. Like all Von Trier’s experiments, it works magnificently.

Both “Manderlay” and “The Boss of All Things” may be rented from Auteur House.

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Send notices to nexus@waikato.ac.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. Placing notices is free for students. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Notices cannot be any more than 75 words. We will not accept handwritten or non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta. Oh, and we hear that personals ads work terrifyingly well, so give that a go as well – fun for everyone involved.

RANDOM Need help typing your assignments? I will type what you write. I do not proof read or check for grammatical errors, but will type your assignments as they are written and your writing must be legible. $6.00 per typed page neg. Text 027 369 7714.

Freeloader.co.nz Where Students Buy and Sell No listing fees, success fees or registration charges, its FREE. Perfect for finding flatmates and buying and selling text books. www.freeloader.co.nz Can’t get to a computer to write out your assignments? Will do limited proof reading and check for grammatical errors, but will leave as is unless asked. Will generally type assignments as they are. Must be legible, or what’s the point in giving them to me? Service offered mainly to Tauranga Students as that’s where I am, unless postage is paid. $5.00 per page ono. Phone/text 0212596154 or 5754737 NEED MUSIC??? We are a 5 piece punk/rock band available for your party, 21st, stag do, christening, voodoo ritual etc.

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email demonskateboard@yahoo.com WE PLAY FOR BEER!!! myspace.com/sumolovemachine $$CASH!$$

and internet. Only food is not included. The room is fully furnished with parking available. If you are interested, call Vicky 0274213205

Tutor required for NCEA Level 1 Science.

Chartwell area. $20 cash an hour. Please email gjc14@students.waikato.ac.nz for more details.

1 flatmate required to live with 3x workers & 1x student aged 20-22.knighton road, opposite university. $89/wk for rent, power, phone, wireless broadband, sky and washing machine rental, food at own expense. Tenancy ends at the end of November. Mid sized room, large single wardrobe, room will fit double bed and desk easily. Pets ok, no smokers. Available NOW! Contact Nicole at: nab20@waikato. ac.nz

The Environment Centre is presenting another series of Sustainable Living evening classes, starting on Wednesday 13th August. Each session will run from 7pm – 9pm at Wintec.

Topics will include energy efficiency, waste reduction, productive gardening, conscious consumption, and eco building. Sessions will be interactive and offer practical solutions to living more sustainably, and cheaply.

Bookings essential, Cost $5 per session, phone Katherine at the Environment Centre Hamilton 839 4452.

Engineering student to help develop simple prototype, Prefer 3rd year plus but if your on to it you will do. Easy cash to right person Txt Kim on 0272882730

FLATS & MATES To share a good house very close to Uni, in Littler pl. The house is multicultural, and very secure. $110 pw covers the rent of the medium size room (available now), expenses

***** FLATMATES WANTED ****** LOCATION across the Rd from uni on Hillcrest Rd 2 small rooms availible now in a large 6 bedroom house. Everything supplied including beds. Mean as house right opposite gate 4 on Hillcrest Rd. Sky, Internet, Xbox, Stereo, Dishwasher. Awesome setup. $95 including power, rent, sky, internet, phone. TXT Joel on 021 832 337 or 027 36 39870 or ring 07 859 0422

Oh the movie never ends Hands up if you remember the Band Experiments! OK, put them down now, people are staring. For those of you who don’t remember, the Band Experiments was a band competition begun in 1999 as an alternative to the more mainstream and heavy rock-oriented Battle of the Bands. The Band Experiments favoured musical originality over commercial viability and rewarded it handsomely. It also featured generically diverse music not only from night to night but from act to act in any given heat. The last Band Experiments competition was held in 2004. But now it’s baaack…

applications to compete are being sought now. If this sounds like just the thing for you or someone you know get in touch with Shane Dudfield either by e-mail: shane@mammothmedia.co.nz or phone: 021-2312541. Be quick though, entry is restricted to 16 acts and you must have your application sent in by Sunday 31st August. I’ll remind you weekly while I can but I suggest ya get on it.

Song of the Week: “This Picture” by Placebo off the album Sleeping With Ghosts

Thanks to the people that bring you the Mammoth Gig Guide every fortnight, 2008 sees the return of the Band Experiments. The competition will run for 5 weeks during September and October and

The ‘Head Rules the Heart Reflections on Radiohead:The Best Of

By Carl “I wish it was the 60s” Watkins There I was, just left school and scared shitless knowing the world was over my shoulder. All I knew how to do was imagine, play guitar and sing, but there was nothing meeting that description at WINZ. So I sat in my room all day writing music and trying to think of my next move.

I must have done that for two years. I left that room only to eat, ride on my motorcycle or to play the odd café show. I added Slint, Fugazi, Tool and Dinosaur Jr amongst others to my collection, Rage Against the Machine, and I tried to be a musician, which at that time was an offensive swear word in New Zealand. One day I went into town and in a moment of impetuosity I bought an album called The Bends, on cassette, by a band called Radiohead who I knew only from the songs “Anyone Can Play Guitar” and “Creep”. Holy shit, Batman. Two more years went by and somehow I had made it to Wellington, armed with my arsenal of music, to try and further my career as an offensive swear word.

By 1997 The Bends cassette was worn, “Fake Plastic Trees” and “High and Dry” had made me a lot of money on the streets of Wellington, but I was keen to hear more from one of my greatest long distance mentors.

And I wanted to see if they could top that last effort. Out came OK Computer and I couldn’t believe it. Surely not since Pink Floyd has there been such a complete collection of music from one band. Later that year I saw them play live, as I needed proof that they could actually play that stuff.

If OK Computer was the ultimate orgasm at the end of a heady rise and rise then Radiohead’s next two albums, Kid A and Amnesiac, were like

sleeping in the wet patch afterwards. You do it because you love them but you don’t enjoy it. Even still they stayed at the top of the list of the best rock bands in the world.

Their releases have been getting fewer and farther between into this century, solo projects abound for each member of the ‘Head, but their influence remains. Bands like Muse, Coldplay and Travis have made profitable careers out of carrying on a sound that Radiohead left behind in the 90s. The band’s last release, 2007’s In Rainbows proved them to be as innovative and original as ever, eschewing the safety of a label to promote the album independently and carrying on the evolution from bent over guitar-driven rock through blips and bleeps to a fully formed creature with a near full understanding of how to communicate to the 21st Century music listener.

If nothing else, Radiohead: The Best Of allows the listener to get a broad summation of Radiohead’s impressive musical history. It is not chronological and of course far less comprehensive than a boxed set of all seven albums, much discussion could be had on the exclusions, and the term “Best Of” is an irrelevance that glaringly highlights the fact that Radiohead had nothing at all to do with the compilation of this material.

The songs here are the “Best Of” according to EMI, whom Radiohead split from in 2004 at the conclusion of their contract. Thus, amongst other things, it does not include any tracks from In Rainbows. These inconsistencies are academic and ultimately have no bearing on the music itself, which, as this relatively small (29 song) collection can attest, is some of the best ever written.

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Listings courtesy of Mammoth and the Hamilton Community Arts Council Spark 08 - International festival of media, arts and design @ Wintec Student Hub 4 August DOORS OPEN 8:45am FINISHES AT Fri 8 Aug 5pm

Subjects to Hand: Joanna Paul Drawing When Joanna Margaret Paul died in 2003, she had been working for nearly four decades as an artist and poet. While highly respected in both spheres, she never received the acclaim she fully deserved. Hundreds of drawings left in her Wanganui studio had never before been seen. Until their re-discovery.

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Sat 31 May 2008 - Sun 10 Aug 2008 Cost: Free Time: 10am - 4.30pm daily Where: Waikato Museum, 1 Grantham Street Compleat Female Stage Beauty Date: Wednesday 13 August 2008 Saturday 16 August 2008 Time: 8pm evening performances - also 2pm matinee on Sat 16 Location: Telecom Playhouse Theatre at the Academy of Performing Arts For tickets go to www.ticketdirect.co.nz or call Ticket Direct at 0800 383 5200 or WEL Academy of Performing Arts 858 5100

Anika Moa + Anna Coddington @ The Meteor 1 Victoria St HAMILTON CENTRAL DOORS OPEN 7:30pm Thursday 7 August Polka Dot Dot Dot w/ Little Pictures @ La Commune Cafe 244 Victoria St HAMILTON CENTRAL DOORS OPEN 6pm Friday 8 August

WIN PRIMO EXTREMO!!! BREAKFAST (for three months!)

Simply email (nexus@waikato.ac.nz) or PXT (021 235 8436) a BUSTED picture of yourself (or a consenting mate) looking like you’re going to need some serious morning pick-me-up, and you’re in to win a Three Month Supply of Primo Extremo!!!

Make sure you include your real name and contact details so we can hook you up with your prize!

PRIMO EXTREMO!!! is the new breakfast drink that is high in protein and fibre.

So go on, start the day with a bit more GO! GO! GO! Drink PRIMO EXTREMO!!!

Terms and Conditions: Competition entries must not feature obscenity or intoxication. All entries for this competition must include the reader’s real name and contact details (phone, address, email.) By sending in pictures you consent to having the entries printed in an upcoming issue of

New Primo EXTREMO!!! has not one, not two, but three tasty flavours – chocolate, vanilla & berry breakfast!!!

Nexus magazine whether they win or not. Winners will be notified by email or phone, and will have their names printed in an upcoming issue of Nexus.