issue 16

Issue 16 · 31 July 2006

Fair Trade · Ìntérñåtïonâl! · Police Booze Stings

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

I Got 5 On It

By Rocky

1 – Where would you like to go as an exchange student?

2 – How many international students do you know/are friends with?

3 – What country has the hottest girls/guys?

4 – What’s fair trade to you?

5 – What’s your take on the emo fashion craze?

Nick 1.

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4.

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Antarctica 5-6 Lebanon Trade that’s fair *bursts out in laughter*

Pip 1.

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5.

Egypt 2, maybe 3 I don’t look Really nice coffee Yeah, sure

Mike 1.

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5.

South Island Heaps of people European Not ripping off countries that can’t afford to be ripped off Fashion…cool. Music…cool. Sulking/cutting…not so cool.

Ben Zurich Plenty!

At a guess, Brazil Countries with less money getting from countries with more money There’s always’s something like that for those age groups. Goth’s for example

Stephen 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Canada A fair few New Zealand Basically, goods that I can be assured nobody suffered during the making of.

Don’t like the fringes.

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

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Jokes

Send in your Jerk Jokes to nexus@waikato.ac.nz and you could win a double-pass to Rialto Cinemas! This week’s winner is Andy McGregor

Dear Diary, Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double pane energy efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I hadn’t paid for them.

Hellloooo? Now just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I am automatically stupid.

So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last year - namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

This is just the funniest picture ever... maybe not the funniest but still pretty funny -- Matt

Helllooooo? It’s been a year! (I told him)

RECOMMENDED WATCH

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.... He didn’t call back.

Guess I won that stupid argument

I cannot stress how much I really like this guy. He is by far my most favourite comedian. The Chappelle Show ran for 2 seasons on Comedy Central and is available on DVD.

Contributed by Andy McGregor

Q: What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

A: Fish and ships!

FEATURED WEBSITE

White Ninja Comics



ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

www.whiteninjacomics.com Pretty retarded humour but it sure hits a high note with me. I love White Ninja and the crazy antics he got up to. I haven’t laughed so hard since I listened to the Anal Explosion album “Greatest Shits”. No, White Ninja doesn’t resort to potty humour (much) but it is pretty silly and at most times bizzare.

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The Chappelle Show

Q: Why did the dolphin cross the ocean?

A: To get to the other tide!

Q: What is a shark’s favorite game?

A: Swallow the leader!

Q: What’s the worlds fastest fish?

A: A motor-pike!

Contributed by Gary Oliver

Parties

Party Review

By Skot and JR

The Pussy Party OK! Now before I get into too much trouble, the party review you are about to read has nothing to do with female anatomy or a bunch of emo kids doing their makeup. It is however about a “pussy” cat lover and the party she threw for her feline friend. I should have known there was something different about the party, as the message I received before hand went along the lines of having a purrrrrfect evening planned with fishy treats for all.

However, I set JR off to arrive at the party beforehand telling him there would be an abundance of naked girls there and to text me once the party had livened up. He lasted about 10 minutes before calling me begging me to join him and to bring a couple boxes of barrel 51 (barrel 51 is the drink that gangsters drink in times of emergency, or so the 856 say). So I knew it must have been pretty bad.

The party did have its good moments, however. After I was introduced to the party thrower “Princess Patches” (who, I would like to add, is a snobby up herself bitch) I discovered a roll of festive toilet paper in the bathroom.

I was told this was there to keep guests giggling and feeling festive (why I don’t know, but I guess there are things in life that we are better off not knowing). We also played with the bubble maker. Which was quite interesting especially when JR poured some vodka into the mixture! My favourite part of the night had to be when everyone handed out presents to the lucky little kitty. I think someone at the party gave “princess patches” the leftover vodka. As you can see from the picture she definitely got down for that vodka.

Finally as we left the kind owner of the pussy had baked us a cookie flower as apparently they are very fun to hand out as the guests leave (maybe they were hash cookies, I never got to eat mine). Anyway it goes to show that any party you may have - whether it be for an animal or an upstanding citizen - JR and myself will be there. To “Princess Patches”, I hope your hangover wasn’t too bad in the morning.

Top three quotes

Did you just see that? I just saw another cat cross across the crossing! No shit - he stopped, looked and listened.

What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot?

A carrot!

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ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

If a fat cat is called a flabby tabby, then what is a very small cat called?

An itty bitty kitty.

Txt me anytime (after 7am) 0274 279319 and JR and myself will review your party.

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CONTENTS

Features Fair Trade: What’s the Fuss?

International Students’ Day 20 Malawi poster 21 Finland, Finland, Finland!

22 Ni hao! Konnichiwa! Bonjour! Hola! Hallo!

23 Partying in NZ: A guide for internationals Gig Spotlight: Lookie Loos + Sunny Tokyo A Royal Visit: Interviewing Dr Charles Royal

16 20

25 32

News 8-13

Police Stings Unpopular Oxfam offers OE, Saving World New Tertiary Funding Model Staff Pay Deal oh so very close now Tenancy Bill changes on the cards TRN go to Wellington Boats come to Hamilton...

Short Shorts Nexus Haiku News

Regulars 03 04 05 07 14 26 24 25 33 34 34 35 35 35 36

I’ve got 5 on it Jerk Jokes Party Review Editorial Lettuce WSU columns Gig Guide Gig Spotlight: Split Decision Killing Time Engine Talk Magic 8 Ball Muscle Man Tip Confessions Slit Decision

36 37 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 45 46 46 47

Stop: The littlest hobo Boganology 101 Classic Rock Review Uncle Jim’s Kiddies Page Comics Food Reviews Citric DVDs Books Films The Player Notices Opal Nera competition Busted

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Credits

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

This issue’s cover was created by Anthony Reu. If you are interested in crafting a cover for Nexus, register your interest to graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz.

Extreeeeme Editor!

Dawn Tuffery nexus@waikato.ac.nz

N-R-Gized News Editor of Deadline DOOM! Joshua Drummond news@nexus-npl.co.nz

Dashing Designer!

Matt Scheurich graphics@nexus.npl.co.nz

Music Editors M. Emery htownslut@gmail.com Mo Books Editor Michelle Coursey Sports Editor Gary Oliver

Astonishing Assistant!

Ben Thomson Action-packed Advertising Manager!

Tony Arkell admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz 0211766180

Main Feature: As of this moment (3:34am), still being written by Josh Drummond!

Contributors this issue: Sonja, Hazazel, Rocky, J. Boyd, Chuck and Benjo, Danielle Thomson, Mazzy, Tom Turbine, Deanna Foster, Petrajane, El Groado, Nick Elliot, Boulanger, Sophie Porter, Skot, Matt, Brie Jessen, Burton C. Bogan, CJ, Nick Chester, M. Emery, Gary Oliver, Uncle Jim, Kazuma Namioka, Joe Citizen, Josh Drummond, ASPA, WSU Nexus: Fair as a striped stilt walker The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus Publications 2003 Ltd, any of our advertisers, WSU or APN Media.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

Ethics lite I had a bit of a dilemma a couple of weeks back. I’ve deliberately never purchased a Nike item before, due to a vague ingrained sense that they’re an evil corporate entity that abuses the rights of workers. But there I was, poncing around in front of the mirror and very tempted to buy these particular running tights.

Much as I tried, I didn’t like the other brand ones as much – they had seams where no seams should be, and the wrong combo of material and shape.

Cue the instant guilt tripping. Yes, I’m extremely privileged to be able to make such distinctions, to be able to afford to occasionally purchase expensive sportswear, and indeed to have the time available to spend running along the river rather than working 25 hour days earning 2 cents an hour so I can feed my children. I’m an affluent capitalist apathetic beast. And so on.

much money again.

Although I love my job I wasn’t overly keen to be doing the Nexus Orientation Guide for 2011, so I went outside to start retracing my steps. And lo! There was my wallet sitting beside my bike on the footpath. As it had been for the last 30 minutes.

at suppliers were found. Nike scored higher in the survey, having at least ‘some ethical initiatives’, some transparency, and a variety of programs addressing environmental issues, but still regularly face concerns relating to labour standards and conditions in China and Indonesia.

If both companies are dubious, should I

Suffice it to say, I was happy, and gobsmacked that no opportunist had grabbed it. I’ve had two bikes, a couple of lights and about four helmets stolen in Hamilton in the last few years. People constantly take stuff, and when it’s laid out in front of them the odds of recovery are fairly depressing.

buy any branded sports items at all? Well, a boycott might cause product demand to go down and workers to be laid off. Then they wouldn’t even get the 2 cents an hour.

However, in terms of labour standards and pay rates, the status quo is painfully inadequate.

So to the 60-odd people walking past who didn’t take my wallet – cheers. There’s your good deed for the day. For me, finding my $900 was probably equivalent to a Chinese sweatshop worker being given a quarter of the retail price of one pair of sneakers.

I temporarily allayed my guilt over buying the tights by going to Trade Aid and buying two bars of delicious dark chocolate, presumably made by happy well paid workers who used to make Nike tights but are now employed in a jolly Wonka-esque chocolate factory. Futile, but it worked for the time being.

Then, while I was feeling uncomfortable for being so well off, I realised I’d lost my wallet.

The trouble is that good or bad deeds aren’t half as simple as Enid Blyton used to make them sound, especially when you’re talking ethical purchasing. Buying Nike tights is

There’s no simple answer to the questions of ethical purchasing, and there’s always the danger of it seeming just another trendy pressure at the café - ‘Can I have piece of the

This was bad. Even more bad than usual, given that I’d taken out $900 cash to pay

possibly no more damaging than buying the Asics running shoes I like anyway. According

organic free trade free range egg non-GM soy milk gluten free low carb sugar free chocolate

a bill and hadn’t got there yet. Damn those evil tights for tempting me en route. So I hyperventilated for a moment, quelled the tears and started to mentally agonise about how many weeks it would take to save up that

to a 2004 survey on shoe company ethical initiatives, Asics scored poorly, demonstrating poor transparency and limited information.

However, no negative reports regarding sourcing conditions and labour standards

cake, please?’ It’s funny how something with lots of ‘free’s in generally costs a little more. But as trends go, demanding fair trade goods is a worthy one to adopt. If you slip up I recommend that chocolate.

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

NEXUS NEWS

“KEEPING YOU UP-TO-DATE WITH WHAT HAPPENED LAST WEEK”

MONDAY, 31 JULY 2006

COMPILED BY JOSH DRUMMOND

Liquor Licensees Cry Foul Over Police Tactics

By Joshua Drummond, with reporting from Evelyn Millar Bars and liquor outlets in Hamilton have expressed outrage at police sting tactics which they describe as “entrapment.”

Ten liquor retailers in Hamilton were caught in a police undercover operation on 12 June, when a 17 year old was accompanied by a plain-clothes police officer buying alcohol in various bars and liquor stores.

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

And the staff of licensed premises in Hamilton are in agreement – all of those spoken to by Nexus said that they would have sold alcohol to the man used in the sting if he had approached them. He was described by witnesses as unshaven, tall and balding.

“By law we’ve got to ID people if they look 25 or under. This guy came in with stubble and a worse receding hairline than the pope. He was tall, too – at least 6 foot 3,” said one witness, the manager of a popular inner city bar. “It’s as close to entrapment as you can possibly get. The [police used the] same person at each store. He apparently stung all the liquor stores and bars he went in to. That’s got to say something,” said the manager, who asked not to be named for legal reasons.

Keith Skipper, the manager of Super Liquor Te Rapa, said that every one of his staff would have thought the man was over 25. He has also

showed security camera footage to the Super Liquor franchise board. “All of them would have passed him as being over 25,” he said.

Hamilton police have so far been unsympathetic towards those caught out in the sting, with Inspector Wayne Ewers telling the Waikato Times that while the man may have looked older than he was, he had a “baby face” up close, and that it reinforces the police case that young people can look much older than they are. “I rest my case… they have no-one to blame but themselves.”

The 17-year old Police used in the stings.

Picture taken from a security camera in the Te Rapa Super Liquor.

Kyle Thompson was duty manager of Mooses bar the night of the stings. He said that the tactics used by police in the stings “sucked.”

“It’s totally unfair. It’s just entrapment. They could have used someone who looks [closer] to17. The guy was bigger than I am. I could line up half a dozen of my regulars and they would look younger than he is, yet they’re in their 20s.

“When they walked in, I looked at them and I thought it was a gay couple. I just thought it was an older guy with his young toy boy. The policeman

“I just thought it was an older guy with his young toy boy. The policeman was hovering by the pool table and watching him, just like an overprotective lover would” Baby face, his arse “Baby face, my arse,” said Mr Skipper. “He didn’t have a baby face at all. I don’t have a problem with the police sending people in if they look 17-20, but I have strong problems with them sending in someone who obviously looks over 25.

There’s no other word for it but entrapment,” he said. He added that he intended fight any legal action “as far as we possibly can.” “We’ve had an unbelievable amount of people come in declaring support for us. Not because we’ve broken the law, but because of the tactics the police are using,” he said.

was hovering by the pool table and watching him, just like an overprotective lover would.”

Inspector Ewers told the Waikato Times that those “caught in the stings would be prosecuted in the district court for selling alcohol to minors.”

Further action is also likely, with those caught in the stings likely to be reported to the Hamilton Liquor Licensing Agency, who will decide whether to take further action.

The Sale of Liquor Act was amended in 2004 to allow underage persons to purchase alcohol, if accompanied by a policeman, in order to enforce the drinking age.

News

Life Cycle

Save The World On Your OE

By Andrew Neal Oxfam New Zealand is offering people the chance to see the world and help save it at the same time.

Oxfam, a global aid company that builds infrastructure in developing and impoverished countries, is offering people trek or cycling holidays in exotic locations in return for fundraising efforts and donations.

The cycling holidays, aptly named the “Adventure Challenge,” involve holidays to places like Laos, Cambodia, China and all over the world where participants spend 10 to 12 days on a cycle trail seeing sights most tourists only dream of. The tours are led by experienced guides and Oxfam’s local expertise.

Oxfam New Zealand’s marketing and events co-ordinator, Meera Patel, says the holidays give students to “look outside their own world”. “[The holidays] offer so much more than a cheap getaway – it’s a serious fundraiser and also a

fantastic opportunity for students. It gives people a view of the world that they would not have ever seen otherwise, especially students.”

The cycle adventures, which run around four times a year, are one of Oxfam’s biggest fund raising events with groups of 12 to 14 people raising around $60, 000 for Oxfam in the past.

Participants wishing to be involved in the cycling adventures just pay the personal fee and then raise money to meet the fundraising commitment for donation to Oxfam.

Apparently, all that is required for the cycle treks is a sense of adventure and a reasonable level of fitness. Oxfam will even help guide you on fitness and training for the expedition that sees members of the adventure holidays visiting an Oxfam site to observe the work that their fundraising is going towards. The cycling trek involves around four to six hours riding each day.

The fundraising commitment can be an adventure all of its own, with $6500 the required donation for the next holiday in January 2007.

However Ms Patel says that the challenge of fundraising is an opportunity for students to step outside their normal social situations.

“People uncover skills they didn’t know they had, the feedback from fundraising is always positive and it can be achieved in a relatively short period,” she said.

Patel said one adventurer managed to fundraise $7000 in just one night, but sadly neglected to mention how. Short term events for raising the money can include bake sales, sausage sizzles and other smaller events. Longer term plans for larger events can result in money being raised in a much shorter amount of time. This is an ideal opportunity for management students wanting to improve their event planning and organizational skills.

This trip is recommended for anyone that wants to see the world. There have been many testimonials from all that have done the adventure challenges including Dominion Post journalist Anna Chalmers. Chalmers cycled 415 kilometres across Laos in her trek and says she “was in awe of the sights.”

“Lots of variety, something for everyone, all interests catered for” another traveller told Oxfam “It was like nothing else I can recall”.

Interested students should get in contact with Oxfam and get training and fundraising.

Apparently, it may just be the best thing you never knew you could do.

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

News

New Tertiary Funding Model Applauded By Most. Not Nats.

By Chris Leggett Minister for Tertiary Education Dr. Michael Cullen announced further details of the tertiary funding model reforms on Thursday, July 27. The new system is “designed to ensure tertiary education has greater quality and relevance”, and will be introduced incrementally across the sector from January 1 2008.

The new model will involve a three-year funding plan, which “will be based on inflation pressures, expected demographic change, student demand and competing priorities within and outside the education sector”. The funding decisions will be guided by the annual Statement of Tertiary Education Priorities (STEP). Based on this, the Tertiary Education Minister and Associate Finance Minister will allocate tertiary funding based on key criteria including patterns of skill and learning needs across the sector and the relative performance of various sub-sectors in achieving educational outcomes.

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

The three-year plans will be agreed upon between the Tertiary Education Commission (TEC) and individual tertiary providers. The TEC will then monitor the providers to ensure the plans are being fulfilled.

Dr. Cullen intends for the new model to be about collaboration rather than competition amongst providers in order to strengthen the quality of New Zealand’s tertiary system. He hopes the changes will eliminate unnecessary programmes. “The competitive funding model has spread expertise in the tertiary sector too thinly, and not always in the areas of greatest need. Under the new approach tertiary education organisations will be expected to play to their strengths and reduce undesirable overlaps.”

According to Dr. Cullen, the existing “bums-onseats” funding model has caused spending to be “particularly unpredictable”, including the proliferation of low-quality courses.

“What we’ve seen is a sudden mushrooming of

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growth [for tertiary programmes] – high volume at low quality. Hence the ad hoc decision to block off some of those areas. We’re trying to move away from that.”

Co-president of the New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations Joey Randall is generally pleased with the announcement, although he states that there’s “not a lot more that we didn’t already know before”.

GUFFAW!

demand for 550, there should be enough flexibility to increase that amount.”

Association of University Staff general secretary Helen Kelly was generally happy with the announcement. Like Mr Randall, most of the changes came as no surprise – but there were a couple of additions she found pleasing. “There’s a built-in distinctive contribution type fund. We like the national investment plan – I think it will enable a network of provision rather than just each individual university writing their plan in isolation of each other. We like the three-year business.

Having security for three-years is really essential.”

But while Dr. Cullen has expressed his intention to move away from the “bums-on-seats” model, Ms Kelly says it is still a significant factor in the new model. “What we’re anxious about is that there’s still a strong link to student numbers. We would like to see a much more investigative approach to a new funding model – that would be a move away from ‘bums on seats’.”

MICHAEL CULLEN PIC SHAMELESSLY STOLEN FROM SCOOP.CO.NZ

“We think that generally they’re going in the right direction: Moving institutions away from things that tend to waste institutions’ and students’ money.”

The introduction of “funding caps” for each institution is the only cause for concern from the proposed model, says Randall. “This is basically to give universities stability. We see why they want caps. We think that that’s something positive, but we think they shouldn’t be ‘hard’. They should be flexible enough to allow for changes over that three-year period. Students shouldn’t be punished for changing demands and needs of the sector.”

“We obviously think that not every institution should be funding lawyers but we are saying that if they want to fund 500 law places but there’s a

National party education spokesperson Bill English says the reform is an unsatisfactory attempt to undo problems the Government is responsible for. “My fundamental beef with it is it assumes that these people who made such a mess of it in the last seven years can make better decisions than students. It amounts to trying to clean up the mess they’ve created. When Maharey brought in the reforms five years ago – even the Government decided that was a failure and that’s one of the main reasons they decided they had to make a change: because their own reform failed.”

Mr English also believes that students will no longer aid in dictating the direction the tertiary model is to take. “It’s more paperwork, more bureaucrats and less money and less choice for students. This is shifting away from studentcentred funding and placing much more power of direction and political decision-making in the hands of politicians and bureaucrats in Wellington.

I think it will have a particular impact on the polytech sector, who’ll now be subject to very detailed planning and monitoring from TEC.”

News

Pay Deal So Close Staff Can Smell It

By John Hartevelt

Association of University Staff (AUS) members are today meeting in Dunedin to grind their elaborate wheel of democracy onwards towards an historic pay deal.

Having secured a $26 million boost to salaries several weeks ago, AUS completed what union spokesperson Marty Braithwaite describes as “an indicative vote” on the proposed deal a fortnight ago. A resounding 96 percent of members polled supported the proposals, which would see union members receive salary increases of between 4 and 5.5 percent for general staff and between 6 and 7.5 percent for academic staff.

The indicative vote provided the mandate for today’s meetings, which Braithwaite says will

concrete the terms of settlement. “What we’ll do [today], is we’ve got what’s called a terms of settlement document, [which] sets out all the changes that will be made to the new agreement, such as the new pay rates, the term and there are just some other minor amendments. So we in the university [will] just check that we all agree on the same thing,” says Braithwaite.

If the agreements are finally settled, further discussions will take place at each of the universities to discuss allocation issues, including proposals to review general staff salary structures. With what time is left, union members will have until May 31 next year to bask in the warm glow of their deal, at which point another round of negotiations and democratic shenanigans will commence.

Following the meetings, the democratic process will continue with the “formal ratification” of the proposals via a postal ballot of members.

Braithwaite says the union is “pretty confident” that the proposals will pass. “We’re obviously expecting it to settle. We’re not expecting there to be any complications.” He points out that the proposed deal, if accepted, will see most university staff receive their biggest across-theboard salary movement in twenty years.

AUS Secretary Helen Kelly says that she hopes next year’s round will yield national multi-employer collective agreements, bringing salaries into parity and eliminating the competition for staff between universities. “We got into this tripartite process very late in the last budget cycle so that left less time to be sophisticated about possible solutions, but next time we’ve got more time to look at some quite complex issues,” she says.

Evil Dead on rampage!

Necronomicon Blamed!

By Matt Jones The Residential Tenancies (Damage Insurance) Amendment Bill will protect flatting students from being liable for damage they have not caused, according to a submission by the New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA).

NZUSA Co-President Joey Randall and VUWSA

The Insurance Council of New Zealand also made a submission, acknowledging the good intention of removing the possibility of ‘joint and several liability’ from the current law but rejected other features of the new bill. They feared that as the bill will require landlords to ensure tenants against damage caused to the flat, they may choose not to ensure people that are more of a risk, creating an underclass of people who cannot

find accommodation.

Street agrees that some people will have difficulty finding accommodation. “If people are having trouble getting accommodation because of their own behaviour, I’m not going to set up a system that rescues them.”

She also says that the bill does not address insurance company’s behaviour if they are not going to insure people based on the actions of their previous flatmates. However, she does believe that her bill will clear innocent flatmates, enabling them to take a court case against an insurance company.

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

Labour MP Maryan Street’s bill, if passed, will force landlords to ensure their tenants against any damage caused in a way that is not deliberate or negligent. It will also forbid any ‘joint and several liability’ clauses in insurance agreements which in the past have held tenants collectively responsible for damage caused by one flatmate.

President Nick Kelly explained that they support the bill because many students are often unable to afford contents insurance. They felt that given the option, students will normally choose the cheaper option and not ensure themselves due to their disadvantaged position in society, leaving them in a poor financial position if any damage is caused.

Actual story on tenancy bill...

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News

Maori Management Students Rampage Through Wellington, Take Cabinet Ministers Captive.

By Joshua Drummond Te Ranga Ngaku, the University of Waikato organisation for Maori management students, has returned from a trip to Wellington that members described as “awesome” Members of Te Ranga Ngaku, and about 25 rangatahi, (with chaperones and mentors in tow,) went to Wellington for an annual haerenga (trip). The rangatahi were there to profile Maori businesses in Wellington, the findings of which will be presented at a Business Competition evening at Founders Theatre, August 3rd.

“It was really good. With the amount of people we took - I think about 72 – we were a bit worried about what might happen, but everyone behaved

brilliantly, even the younger people,” said Michelle Anderson, the President of Te Ranga Ngaku.

Te Ranga Ngaku were there to meet with business’ in Wellington to get an idea of what they do and how our Management Degree and majors chosen can fit in with different roles in their organisation.

Students and rangatahi managed to visit plenty of businesses - The New Zealand Rugby Union, Ernst and Young, the Department of the Treasury, Saatchi and Saatchi, and the Department of Tourism “We were fortunate to be able to visit a range of organisations, all of whom were really outstanding. I was really impressed with the level of questions and enquiry from the students we took on the trip,” said Anderson.

As well as the company visits TRN also spent Monday afternoon at Parliament, touring the buildings - as well as having the opportunity to meet with the Minister of Maori Affairs Parekura Horomia, who, with Youth Minister Nania Mahuta treated all 72 students and rangatahi to dinner at Bellamys restaurant, at the top of the Beehive.

A good time was reportedly had by all, with the minor adventure of an errant smoke alarm going off at 3am on Tuesday and Wednesday morning, in the marae. (TRN were at pains to send special thanks to one “Aubrey” who used his MacGyveresque skills to stop the alarm on both occasions).

Boats come to Hamilton

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Residents plea “But we’re nowhere near the ocean!”

On August 11-13, Mystery Creek is set to host the National Boating and Fishing Show, which promises to be the boaties’ version of the Fieldays.

the history of the outboard motor to celebrate the centenary.

The main attractions, as one would expect, include displays and sales from major boating companies. For all those looking for a bargain, most exhibitors will be holding the famous ‘Boat show specials’, so expect plenty of sales.

scent, and insisted we not name him. “I mean, I’ll probably just get blazed and wander around laughing at shit, but what the hell. That’s all I ever do. God, I need to fix my life,” he said.

Highlighting this year’s boat show is the one hundredth anniversary of the invention of the outboard motor. This ever-handy piece of waterborne technology was invented the excellently named Ole Evinrude, who just wanted something to help him get across a lake faster than the slowish “oar” method, so he could get his wife an ice cream before it melted. What a guy. Everyone who’s ever been in a boat owes him a debt of gratitude.

There will also be a display of rare, vintage outboard motors, as well and archive footage of

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“Yeah, I’d go,” said one student we randomly asked. He sported dreadlocks and a mysterious

For all you petrol-heads out there who are looking for the boaties’ answer to a rally car, there will be jet boat demos on the lake, and those into technology will be able to check out an interesting little contraption called the amphibious boat, which has wheels attached to it, so it can drive in and out of water.

The boat and fishing show will also host plenty of other outdoor recreation displays, including 4 wheel drive vehicles, motorhomes, and camping gear, as well as water recreation gear, including sea biscuits, wake boards, kayaks and canoes.

Tickets are $12 for adults, children under 14 are free, as is the parking. But for everyone who is feeling a little hard up for cash (or is saving it for the boat show specials), there are 50,000 free tickets being distributed inside the July and August editions of the New Zealand fishing News and Boating New Zealand magazines.

Don’t sweat it if you’re not into the boating and fishing thing, there will be plenty to see and do with competitions, entertainment and stalls. Not to mention a sweet reminder of summer during the coldest part of the year.

OBLIGATORY RALPH WIGGUM QUOTE: “Oh boy, sleep! That’s where I’m a viking!”

News

The World’s Richest Barista Event to be held in New Zealand Move over Black Caps, The Black Cups are here – New Zealand’s best six baristas taking on Australia’s six best baristas in Auckland to make the perfect cup of coffee with one barista taking home $7,000 in the world’s richest barista event.

The competition will see the New Zealand team, which includes a number of baristas who have competed in the World Barista Championships, first take on the Australian team at one of Australia’s biggest coffee events, Café Biz in Sydney on October 30.

“The best barista wins $7,000 and there is also a prize for the winning team,” said Michael Guy, the director of the New Zealand Coffee Festival.

Japan killing two generations of whales with one harpoon, say Greens News that almost 60 percent of female whales killed by Japan in Antarctica over summer were pregnant was greeted with dismay by Green Party Conservation Spokesperson Metiria Turei.

A Japanese Government report shows that 224 out of 391 female Minke whales killed

by Japanese whalers were pregnant, as were 2 out of 10 female Fin whales. Anti-whaling campaigners also claim that 90 percent the total whale take were killed inside the area of the Australian Whale Sanctuary.

“These figures are appalling. Not only is Japan

Why? Why not?

Planned ‘shake-out’ of Australian universities

better access to the tools that would enable them to make better decisions about the cost of the electricity they use, Green Party Co-Leader Jeanette Fitzsimons says. Ms Fitzsimons was speaking on the release of the annual report on the Electricity Commission by the Parliamentary Commissioner for the Environment.

Woman locked in hall after Kora concert

A report published in The Australian last week says that university mergers, US-style liberal arts colleges and teaching-only institutions are back

By Sam Morrah An unnamed woman from Otago University had been fortunate enough to obtain a backstage pass

on the table in Australian Education Minister Julie Bishop’s “planned shake-out” of the Australian university sector. According to the report, Ms Bishop has resurrected proposals shelved by her predecessor Brendan Nelson. She seeks greater diversity in the university sector, breaking down the one-size-fits-all model introduced by a Labor administration. Federal, state and territory governments have already agreed to make way for specialist universities. Australian ViceChancellors are reported as being supportive of the government’s push for greater differentiation among their institutions. However, AVCC chief executive John Mullarvey is quoted as saying that government regulation had prevented that from happening.

to the Kora concert, allowing her access to the Green Room in the Union Gazebo that meant she was able to stay and ‘socialise’ with the band after the concert.

At some point during the lock down, the woman somehow got free-range access to the Union kitchen.

Once inside, the woman took advantage of the abundance of food at her disposal, taking a bite of just about anything she could get her hands on.

The vast majority of food stored in the cafe and kitchens was disposed of, as staff were unsure of what had been touched and what had not. Union could not confirm that the woman was under the influence of drugs at the time of her jaunt, although rumours of vomit left in the kitchen suggest a large quantity of alcohol was involved.

Security cameras did not detect the woman during her culinary rampage, despite there being 18 of them, all of which were switched on.

More power to consumers, say Greens Household consumers need more representation on the Electricity Commission, and deserve

Improvements to tertiary courses outlined New funding for tertiary It’s gonna happen Thanks, Doctor Cullen.

Teenager fires shots as armed police surround farm Irate teenager fires five shots Was that real smart?

Nah, I guess not.

Dog wakes family in burning house

Million-dollar drug trial called off – new trial date to be set

Pooch wakes fiery family Woof! Kids, get up!

Wow, just like Lassie.

Import cocaine, you will get caught You might get off If you bribe the court.

Petrol cost puts dent in sales of big cars Dumb people who buy Expensive 4WDs Are going to cry.

Doctor forced to pay for failed vasectomies by disciplinary tribunal There, that doctor! It’s him!

Thanks to you, you bastard, The fishes still swim!

Scientists want climate commission Climate change commission?

While they mess about The cities go swimmin’

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

The Nexus Haiku News

slaughtering large numbers of whales in the name of scientific research whose meat ends up languishing in stockpiles or on institutional menus, but it now transpires that they are wiping out the next generation at the same time,” Mrs Turei says.

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Send your letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz before 5pm Tuesday and the best one wins a $5 voucher for Campus Kiosk – conveniently located in the Cowshed courtyard for all your snacking needs!

Lettuce Policy

Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page – serious or otherwise. Letters should be no more than 250 words and received by 5pm on the Tuesday before publication. All letters will generally be printed so give it a bash, but the editor retains the right to abridge or refuse correspondence.

Bad spelling and grammar will not be corrected. Pseudonyms are acceptable but all letters must include your real name and contact details even if you don’t want them printed (and they won’t be printed!). We discourage the use of pseudonyms for serious letters.

Letter of the Week Who’d be an R.A? I recently had a rather in depth conversation with someone who is an R.A. at one of the larger halls of residence on campus and I now have a new found respect for what their job

asked her how much she gets paid for her services and was astounded to hear how little financial reward is offered to these students and also how extremely overworked they are. An RA at this particular hall of residence

nights a week. Now “administrators” may argue that they are not working all of these 96 hours but I disagree, if you are working for someone and they say be there from this time to this time, then you are working, and I would expect

entails. After having listened to some of her experiences dealing with first years students, most of whom have left their friends, family, girlfriends/boyfriends and homes for the first time, I realized that many of these students could be and are emotionally vulnerable. It did not really come as a shock to me then when this person told me of the numerous times that she had comforted crying residents sometimes in the early hours of the morning in order to ensure their safety. These people are extremely valuable members of our university community, and the University recognizes this fact in its entirety… or do they??? After listening to this persons stories I rather rudely

receives approximately $207 on a weekly basis (including “training payment”), not bad you might think, considering they get to live and eat for free, but they don’t. Ra’s pay exactly what residents pay, and if they are receiving a student allowance then their $207 a week is taxed as a second income meaning that 33% goes to the government. Which means that any Ra that receives a student allowance has to pay an extra 60 dollars a week to the hall.

As if this wasn’t bad enough I was absolutely enraged to hear that Ra’s must work a total of 96 hours a week. That’s right, 96! Ra’s are permitted to leave the hall on weekdays from 9am - 5pm and are allowed to stay out two

to be paid for my time. This means that Ra’s are paid (before tax) approximately $2.15 an hour, slave labour in any ones books. On top of this they also have to pay for their own ball tickets, for which attendance is compulsory.

Astounding! These unsung heroes are worth a lot more than that, and while lecturers complain about only receiving 60k a year I think is about time that the university began to recognize the contribution that these students make to our campus.

Idol Fights Back?

This Letter is regarding Citric in issue 15. It mentions that I left during a gig that one of Mr Emery’s bands played because it was too ‘hardcore.’

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

This gig was in Palmerston North, and the reason I actually left was because his band was terrible, they sounded halfway between Christian Hip-Hop and squirrels dying. Get a haircut and get a real band, take a lesson from Stardrunk.

Name withheld Mr/Mrs Withheld wins a $5 voucher to Campus Kiosk

ID shown, show it to them. That way if you have nothing to hide then they won’t need to suspect anything if you’re already showing them your ID. If you keep your ID in your wallet, that’s most likely

been offensive enough. I also suggest that it’s probably one of the reasons why you guys haven’t been getting many letters lately.

where you’re keeping your money/card so it’s not that hard to flick out the ID at the same time.

I think that if you want to bulk up your letters page, you’ll have to break some boundaries and make people a little bit more uncomfortable. It can only be a good thing for them! I mean come on! You’re a student magazine! You’ve gotta bulk up the “shit” quality!

Also, I have no idea what the law is regarding those showing a fake ID and a liquor outlet still selling them the booze. However, if the picture matches and the date works out fine, I don’t see how the outlet in question can be persecuted.

Herman Munster

From Michael Murphy

Get em out (your IDs)

As for those chumps that are embarrassed about your ID, get over it!

Dear Nexus, Matt The recent incident involving the police and liquor stores made me think up a way that those purchasing liquor can help circumvent their favourite booze stores and bars from being shut down: simply don’t wait to be asked to have your

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More offensiveness please To Nexus, I have been noticing recently that you haven’t

Reader Alert! Report from afar Seen something odd on campus we really should know about? Want to get your mates in Nexus doing crazy things? You can now send Nexus details and pictures of these occurrences and we’ll print the best ones in a new section. All pictures and reports to nexus@waikato.ac.nz.

Nexus’ “Hooray for Stereotypes!” Section

In a new series, famous Nexus contributor the Wez gives some background on gothism for dummies.

Town Sluts & Homohawks

In order to for you to fully understand the bizarreness that is Earth’s Gothic subculture I will begin by sourcing a definition of it and then give my opinion and experience of it all.

Goth is a contemporary subculture prevalent in many countries around the globe. It began in the United Kingdom during the early 1980s in the Gothic rock scene, an offshoot of the post-punk genre. The Goth subculture is remarkable for its longevity compared with others of the

Welcome to another edition of “Chuck and Benjo’s Guide to Society”. This week we examine the provocative world of the town slut and their male counterpart known as the homohawk.

same era. Its imagery shows influences from nineteenth century Gothic literature. The Goth subculture has associated “Gothic” tastes in music and fashion. Common to all Goths is a tendency towards a “dark” sound.

Styles of dress within the subculture range from rock, punk, Victorian, some Renaissance style clothes, combinations of the above, and/or lots of black attire, makeup and hair.

Throughout the evolution of the Goth subculture, familiarity with Gothic literature became a significant for many Goths. Poe, Lovecraft, Shelley, Dante and the other heralding names became just as symbolic of the subculture as dressing all in black, wearing the hair dramatically stylised and dyed black, adorning oneself with dark jewelry and body art, and carrying around a decorated tin lunchbox.

A newer literary influence on the Gothic scene was Anne Rice’s reimagining of the idea of the vampire. Movies based on her books have been filmed in recent years - notably Interview with the Vampire, and the more recent Queen of the Damned, in which Goths appear directly and indirectly.

Defining an ideology of the Gothic subculture is difficult for several reasons. First is the overwhelming importance of mood for those involved.

This is, in part, inspired by romanticism. The allure for Goths of dark, mysterious and surreal mood lies in the same tradition.

12 (similar to the story of Cinderella, but different!) she becomes the “town slut,” a variant of woman very close to the office minx.

The second impediment to defining a Gothic ideology is Goth’s sometimes apolitical nature. Unlike the hippy or punk movements, the Goth subculture has no pronounced political messages or cries for social activism. The subculture is marked by its emphasis on individualism, tolerance for diversity, a strong emphasis on creativity, a dislike of social conservatism and a strong tendency towards cynicism, but even these ideas are not common to all Goths. Goth ideology is based far more on aesthetics than ethics or politics.

For the individual Goth, joining the subculture can be extremely valuable and personally fulfilling, especially in creative terms. However, it also can be risky, especially for the young, because of the negative attention it can attract. Many who are drawn to the culture have already failed to conform to the norms of existing society, and for its participants the Gothic subculture provides an important way of experiencing a sense of community and validation not found in the outside world. The selfconscious artificiality of a subculture is a valid alternative choice in a post-modern world, compared to submitting to the invisible manipulations of popular consumerism and the mass media.

amateur-professional rugby players and so forth.

The town slut is a female aged between 16 and 25 years of age. Any older and we cross into “mutton dressed as lamb” territory. The town slut is dressed rather conservatively during the day, but when the clock strikes

The town slut attends nightclubs and scans the crowd for a male partner, rather like a prostitute who doesn’t earn money for sex to pay for chronic drug problems. The town slut is dressed provocatively. Her top will barely cover her chest, no matter how big or small it may be. Her skirt will look suspiciously like a belt, in that it often barely covers her hips. Footwear wise, town sluts usually wear high-heels as it has been said that swaying side to side like an alcoholic bum is more likely to ensnare a man.

However, it is fairly cheap to attract a town slut; simply style your hair into a “homohawk” and purchase a Vodka Cruiser for her, and she is yours.

The word “homohawk” originates from the Latin phrase Homos Hawkus meaning “Man who styles his hair in a ridiculous fashion” and (to our knowledge) has been endorsed by Genghis Kahn, Atila the Hun and David Beckham. His ever-changing coif spawned the small Mohawk-like hairstyle, which consists of males bunching all of their short hair into the middle of their head and spiking it. This hairstyle is predominantly sported by guys with a sporting acumen; amateur rugby players, professional rugby players,

Town sluts often look for partners based on their homohawk. It is said that (ironically) the smaller the homohawk, the more virile the partner.

Consequently, town sluts are looking for a guy that vaguely resembles Daniel Carter (in his underwear, mind). In fact, the All Blacks are the most prominent users of the homohawk, usually sporting one in preparation for a night of drinking and handbag assault.

Are ya loose? I’ll buy ya an RTD!

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

In summary, there are only two syllables for the town slut: Un-Clean. That is all. Any comments, suggestions, hate mail etc please email chuckandbenjo@gmail. com.

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Until recently, fair trade was part of a personal list which included such things as diapers, non-alcoholic beer, novels about dragons, xanthophobia (the fear of the colour yellow,) and the exact chemical consistency of the horrible Uni Lakes - things that, in general, I couldn’t care less about.

Having now spent much time researching Fair Trade, I can now truthfully say that I’ve joined the likes of Bono, Bill Gates, and countless hippies in caring about it. And this article is meant to explain why you should too.

It’s not that most people don’t care, it’s just that they can’t see a reason to. Fair trade issues seem to carry an intrinsic boredom burden. Tariffs and

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

first-world agricultural subsidies are the stuff of newspaper back pages – that is, until a bunch of anti-globalisation activists pour out of the woodwork and make headlines by getting their faces smashed in.

That’s another thing about the wider issues surrounding the fair trade movement – proponents may initially appear to be relegated to Trade Aid stores and trendy free-trade coffee shops. But give them an impetus, and they swarm. Often dismissed under the catch-all “hippie” label, the activists are myriad. The huge popularity of books like Naomi Klein’s No Logo (a book which has been described as a kind of anti-globalisation bible) says something about the interest that a fairness, or lack thereof, in trade can generate.

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What, then, is fair trade?

Most folk these days will have gleaned from TV and other media that that bad ol’ antiglobalisation bugbear, the Evil Multi-national Corporation, exploits workers in developing countries. That’s old news. Of course, the image of suffering people in sweatshops provokes sympathy from most people, but after 20/20 is switched off Nike keeps doing rather nicely for itself. The Western response to this sort of thing seems to be a collective “Well, that’s awful, but what can we do?” – in a strictly rhetorical sense.

So: we live well and multinational corporations make massive profits is because poor nations are paid peanuts for goods they produce. Fair? No, everyone agrees.

1. Something about supply and demand, and 2. Boredom can’t kill you, but you might wish it could.

I can say, with confidence, that I learned exactly the same thing. I spent the most part of my economics classes playing that game where you fill in a lot of squares on maths paper. Fortunately, there are plenty of people who didn’t while away their youth playing useless games. One of these people is Sayeeda Bano (PhD), a Senior Lecturer in economics at Waikato University.

This is where fair trade steps in – in to the gap

Bano explains that before understanding fair trade, one has to understand trade in general.

I don’t have the first idea, so she proceeds to give me four years of a Bachelor of Management (Economics) degree in half an hour.

between people’s conscience and their wallets.

The idea of fair trade is to pay “fair” prices for goods from impoverished countries and communities. Additionally, fair trade encourages buying locally-produced goods, rather than buying things produced in overseas sweatshops for squat-all an hour. To top it all off, fair trade is supposed to respect workers rights and operate sustainably. It is nothing less than a plan to save the world.

The essence of her lecture is that “protectionist” economies developed in the period of time from 1500 to 1700, as a result of a prevailing climate of colonialism and expansion – what was known as “nation building.” This ethos was challenged in 1752 by a bloke called David Hume, who proposed that “no country can generate continuous surplus or deficits,” and practically invented the idea of free trade.

And that generalisation does describe the idea of fair trade – up to a point. Like most things, it’s more complicated than that, and it involves a fussy, nasty subject called economics.

Scott Adams, the creator of “Dilbert,” says he learned exactly two things about economics in school:

Free trade is not a new idea.

The essence of it is that economies should not protect themselves with tariffs on imports and subsidies on home-grown products, instead throwing themselves open to those who can produce more efficiently.

Fair Trade: What’s the fuss?

“Classical economics inherently promotes a free trade system,” says Bano. Free trade, she assures me, is based the idea that “mutual gains can be had in trade” – which is that basis of a thing called Ricardian trade theory. Bano is adamant that true free trade, as advocated by this theory – in effect, the abolition of all tariffs and subsidies – is the only way forward for fair trade. “I think the world will move towards a free and fair system.

Once trade is truly free, it can generate fair trade.”

I think I’ve spotted a flaw. But, I ask, doesn’t free trade demand continued growth as a measure of economic success? Won’t that mean that we will, well, just use everything up? I’m chuffed when she tells me it’s a “very good question.”

She suggests that, as

cracks start to show. People will work for lower wages in developing countries because they’re desperate, to put it bluntly. According to free trade economics, this should result in higher demand for their products.

In the same year, between 1 and 2 billion people apparently lived below the poverty line, on less than 2 US dollars per day. That’s an almost inconceivable gap even in statistical terms. The human cost is truly immeasurable.

It does, but the workers, and the countries they work in, don’t see much of it. The reason for this, it seems, is twofold: the beast called the multinational corporation, and the bastard World Trade Organisation.

The World Trade Organisation, say activists, aids and abets this process by drafting trade agreements that require developing countries to be flooded with cheap American and European produce, while their own exports run into an iron curtain of developed-world tariffs and subsidies.

The modern WTO, Bano tells me, is an odd entity.

It evolved from the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade, which was established after World War Two to explore free trade. The WTO now exists as a forum

Essentially, the corporations set up shop in two countries, one rich, one poor. They pay the poor

Fair trade is the stuff of newspaper back pages – that is, until a bunch of anti-globalisation activists pour out of the woodwork and make headlines by getting their faces smashed in.

economies grow, they will eventually plateau off into a technologically advanced state where technology can be used to preserve and sustain the environment – and with free trade, other nations will be able to develop to this state also.

This theory also holds that even nations with few, or poor access to, natural resources can have a competitive advantage with nations with high levels of technology and resources, through productivity of labour. Simply put, cost determines price, and if the cost of labour is low, so will be the cost of the goods produced. Demand for low-cost goods is high. Capicé?

It all seems good so far, but this is where

workers next to nothing and work them hard and long. They then ship the cheaply produced products to the rich nation for vastly inflated prices, where the product sells hugely, due to gigantic, expensive marketing campaigns. Result?

Huge profits for the multinational, and sweet fuck all for everyone else.

Corporate power is incredible. Consider this: as of the turn of the twentieth century, approximately 90 per cent of the world’s wealth was owned by only 2 per cent of the world’s population. In 2004, world GDP stood at a staggering 41 trillion US dollars.

for fostering free trade between developed and developed nations.

Ostensibly. In practice, charge writers like John Pilger and Naomi Klein, it has done more to further impoverish developing nations than anything else.

Of course, things are seldom that simple.

Globalisation is neither saintly nor satanic, despite what some activists would have you believe. It’s all a bit (well, hopelessly) complicated, but Joseph Stiglitz, the winner of the 2001 Nobel Prize for Economics, summarises things as neatly as possible in his tome Globalisation and its Discontents: “Those who vilify globalisation often overlook

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

As of the turn of the twentieth century, approximately 90 per cent of the world’s wealth was owned by only 2 per cent of the world’s population.

Fair Trade means everyone benefits and no-one is being exploited

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Fair Trade: What’s the fuss? its benefits. But the proponents of globalisation have been, if anything, even more unbalanced.

To them, globalisation is progress; developing countries must accept it, if they are to grow and to fight poverty effectively. But to many in the developing world, globalisation has not brought the promised economic benefits. A growing divide between the haves and the have nots

Nah. Fair trade is ridiculously, incredibly, almost non-existent in the wider scheme of things.

The 2005 Executive Report of the Fair Trade Federation states has the following proud figures to back this up: In 2005, total Fair Trade sales [sales of product bearing the official Fair Trade trademark] were showing an increasing trend

has left increasing numbers in the Third World in dire poverty, living on less than a dollar a day.

Despite repeated promises of poverty reduction, the actual number of people living in poverty has actually increased by almost 100 million. This occurred at the same time that total world income actually increased by an average of 2.5 per cent annually.”

Awareness is up, thanks to the antics of Bono and his ilk, but there clearly has to be a groundswell in favour of fair trade in order for it to make a noticeable difference.

And if the likes of Oxfam and others – such as the Green Party of New Zealand - have their way, there will be just such a groundswell. Why? Because we’ll have to, one way or another.

The Greens are known for their support of fair trade ideals, which they would have enshrined in

Angry yet? Well, if you’re not, others are. Ironically enough, these activists include some of the planet’s richest people, who have benefited overwhelmingly from the system they bitterly protest against.

I am referring, of course, to the likes of Bill Gates, Bono of U2 and Chris Martin of Coldplay. Bono and Martin are particularly prevalent in using their fame to spread the word about fair trade. In 2003, Martin hand-delivered a petition signed by nearly 4 million people to the head of the WTO, at their trade summit in Cancun.

Martin was spurred into action on the fair-trade front by a visit to Haiti, which was organised by the Oxfam organisation of fair-trade advocates.

In an interview with Mother Jones magazine, he explained his impetus:

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

“They approached us two years ago just as we were making our second album and said, “Do you want to come to Haiti and learn about fair trade?” And we were like, “Fair what?” We hadn’t any idea about it. But you go on a trip and learn how the importing and exporting of goods around the world works, and you realize it’s a huge crisis.

We’ve now seen, firsthand, the problems caused

by America dumping rice on Mexico, or Haiti not being allowed to export its agricultural products…

That’s the one thing about when you actually visit a place where there is immense poverty: You see the reasons why, and it makes you fucking angry.

Because it’s just going to come back and haunt America and haunt England if they—if we—don’t do something about it. This is tremendously clichéd stuff. But unfortunately it’s all true.”

Well, hell. If Chris Martin – and he’s got, like, a band and shit – is involved, it must be big, right?

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trade is on the increase. But compared to global GDP it doesn’t even rate – 2004’s total sales of Fair Trade products amount to something like 0.00091 per cent of global GDP for that year.

How can something so small make a difference?

It’s a case of David vs. Goliath – except this time, Goliath is roughly the size of the sun.

So: we live well and multinational corporations make massive profits is because poor nations are paid peanuts for goods they produce. Fair?

No, everyone agrees.

This is where fair trade steps in – in to the gap between people’s consciences and their wallets. (for example: in 2003 sales reached US$291.75 million – a 52% increase over 2002, and sales in 2004 increased again to about US$376.42 million.) “The findings of the 2005 Fair Trade Trends Report demonstrate that the Fair Trade movement has continued to grow rapidly over the last two years,” the document quips. So, fair

statute, should they ever run the country. Their argument is that if we don’t accept fair trade voluntarily, dwindling natural resources will soon force us to anyway. Green MP Keith Locke used to run a Trade Aid bookstore in Auckland, and his passion for the subject is infectious. He defines fair trade simply – to him, it’s “the opposite of free trade. Free trade is very dog-eat-dog, and it’s not played on a level playing field. Fair trade is about levelling the playing field.”

To him, fair trade is the answer to a host of problems – economical, political, and environmental. So how will fair trade save the world, Keith?

“Fair trade is a mixture of local trading, and buying from poor countries in a way that protects local economies, local agricultural sectors – through fair trade, poor nations and communities are able to trade more with rich countries. It’s a way to equalise the world” He adds that the environmentally friendly nature of fair trade lends itself to the search for sustainable alternatives to traditional modes of production. “Another aspect is that it’s more environmentally friendly [than existing trade systems] At the moment, there are a lot of fossil fuels expended by, say, exporting New Zealand tomatoes to Australia. Selling locally would help avoid that problem.”

Asked if New Zealand could move to a fair-trade based economy, his answer is an emphatic “Yep” “There’d need to be some big changes in the political consciousness, but yes, I think it is possible,” he says.

Locke is adamant that, as a country, we don’t

Fair Trade: What’s the fuss? “do” fair trade enough. “Our participation in free trade is too limited at the moment. We do have agreements with Pacific Island nations – with preferential access to products. But the Government’s pressing ahead with free trade agreements aren’t benefiting things, fair-trade wise.”

Given that unless the Greens win the next election in a landslide, New Zealand will most likely continue lobbying for the kind of free trade agreements fair trade is so opposed to. And given that fair trade is a drop in the economic bucket, should we even bother? Will it make a difference?

The authorities are in agreement on this one; the answer is a great whopping “yes.” Sayeeda Bano says that ongoing support for fair trade is vital, not only for the success of the movement, but for the communities that depend on it for their livelihood. “ There are places that would not survive without that fair trade logo.” She considers it successful already, for other reasons. “[Fair trade] considers the environment, fair distribution of wealth, workers rights, gender equity, diversity and cultural preservation, and promotes business ethics.”

It’s not just economists, activists and Green MPs who agree fair trade is a Good Thing.

He says, though, that there’s plenty of room for improvement, especially with fair trade’s relatively low profile and exposure.

That bastion of capitalism, the World Bank, has given fair trade a glowing endorsement. In 2003 it conducted a study on sustainable coffee markets, and said that fair trade “can provide such benefits as improved natural resource management; fewer agrochemicals used in production, which decreases costs and health risks; and increased use of rural labour, which provides more jobs for those in desperate need.”

There are other reasons to get involved in fair trade, at a local level. Quite a few of Hamilton’s cafés have started sourcing some or all of their coffee from fair trade sources. A local business success story, Atomic Coffee, uses only fair trade products.

“The problem is, most business is about making profit, and fair trade is viewed as an extra cost.

Plus, Hamilton’s a real niche market for it, though – there doesn’t seem to be that many around who are that concerned about it.”

But it seems that, despite the problems, the fair traders have hit a winner. Ultimately, fair trade leaves a good taste in the mouth. And that’s reason enough to care.

Timon Martin, the co-owner of La Commune café, says his business uses only fair-traded coffee.

Why? “Well, basically for ethical and moral reasons – the same reason we’re vegetarian We thought we’d incorporate it, and what’s more, it’s really good coffee.”

“That’s the one thing about when you actually visit a place where there is immense poverty: You see the reasons why, and it makes you fucking angry” ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

Chris Martin, of Coldplay

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Features

International Day: Friday 4th August By

By Sonja Sonja Gruebmeyer, Gruebmeyer,WSU WSU International International Students’ Students’ Officer Officer

Posters, food, music, and soccer competition – this Friday, 11am – 2pm. Since we have 2 ½ posters for display, we will have just some food and music down there and play some soccer. The dates

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

when we can have events are getting rare so I decided to go ahead with the remnants of a poster competition too. I will have free soccer balls for the three best teams and the team who is defending Finland on that day as an incentive. So the deal is: get two random people (or friends, which is much safer) and choose a country you want to be the champion for and show up at the banks. We play three people soccer for ten minutes each, and the winning team gets to keep the ball. If we have time,

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we can try finals and let the winners play against each other for some other prize.

Just show up on August 4 between 11am and 2pm and see if your group can enter to fight for a soccer ball. You will be able to see the posters of the students who handed theirs in and vote on them, too.

Yes, and if you want to score that soccer ball anyway, you have to sign up as Finland. Because in the end it’s international travel day and we should have something international in that day. So re-live the soccer World Cup again and make the UK win this time! Or Finland, it’s a really nice country with a really funny language and you all should go there.

To help you find your way around in Finland, some helpful phrases. I don’t want you to go home without some advice.

Use in NZ Hello Could you tell me the way to the train station?

Thank you very much for your help.

Use in Finland Hello Could you tell me the way to the train station?

Thank you very much for your help.

Yes, in the end, Finnish people have wonderful English and I suggest you travel there to learn it in the first place. But if you want to try, you can greet everyone with hyvää päivää, which means ‘good day’, or alternatively hyvää (ilta), which means ‘good evening’.

For more info check out http://www.helsinki. fi/~jshermun/language.htm

Poster by Vanwyk K.M. Chikasanda

Last week I was desperately trying to get international Students to submit their posters. That did not work very well. So I decided that this week I’ll only tell you what is coming up on Friday.

Features

Finland, Finland, Finland

By Keith Hornby

Yes, you know it, the classic opening line of Monty Python’s factual flawed ditty on that small Scandinavian country. And as I’m sure as you were all suitably amused at Finland’s entry into the annals of music history with Lordi’s ‘Hard Rock Hallelujah’ winning the 2006 Eurovision Song Contest (much to the distain of some Finns, however). Also, some might recall BomFunk MC’s random appearance as the headline act at this year’s O-Week. And remember Da Rude? Yip, you guessed it, they’re both from Finland.

Nevertheless, now that we’ve established a connection, bare with me, I hope to paint you a different picture of the “country where I want to be”. Often referred to as the Land of a Thousand Lakes and the Land of the Midnight Sun, Finland is remotely located in the northwest corner of Europe and bordered to the east by the vast enigma of Russia. And, thus tucked away, Finland has always remained a bit of an anomaly.

Suomi; the Finnish language, is unique in that it is largely unrelated to the surrounding language groups of Europe. Rather it forms part of the

Although Finland only became an independent republic in 1917, it has retained a strong cultural identity. This is due in part to a Romantic Nationalist revival movement at the time which set out to forge a strong sense of national identity.

Resultantly from this upsurge, Finland produced some outstanding cultural products, namely

reparation payments to the Russians helped stimulate the economy and neutrality during the Cold War started Finland on its way to the affluent EU member that it is today.

Today, Finland is the home of Nokia and is also renowned as a leader in design eg. Marimekko (the textile and fashion design label) and the Modernist Architect Alvar Alto (noted for both his buildings and furniture design).

To bring it closer to home, New Zealand shares some similarities with Finland; both are remote in location and similar in geographic and population

Combined with a lethal combination of parties, sauna and vodka, the land is sure to pickle anyone’s character. the work of Jean Sibelius; the famous classical composer.

The political history of Finland can be briefly surmised thus. The geographical area that is now Finland was effectively a political vacuum till the mid-12th Century when Finland came under Swedish rule (though not as a feudal state). Then from 1809-1917 Finland fell to Russian rule, becoming a Grand Duchy with representation in the Diet. Due to the revolution in Russia, in 1914 Finland was able to slowly assert its independence, had a bloody civil war and finally became an independent republic in 1919. During WW2, after briefly allying with the Germans, Finland effectively fought off the Russians. While suffering greatly during the depression, war

size. Finland followed closely after New Zealand in giving universal suffrage in 1906, the first country in Europe to do so. Both countries developed a welfare state, which Finland continues today. And interestingly both rank highly on Transparency International’s least corrupt countries in the world, last year sharing second place together.

Also, both governments try to tell their citizens that it’s not what, it’s how they’re drinking.

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Finns are ‘different’, as I have heard many people remark. It’s difficult to place but I think it’s due to the bitterness and depressing duration of the long, cold and dark winter, marked on occasion by Aurora Borealis (the ‘Northern Lights’). Juxtapose this with the beauty and intensity of spring and the long and surprisingly warm summer days (setting not in the north at the equinox).

Combined with a lethal combination of parties, sauna and vodka, the land is sure to pickle anyone’s character.

Finno-Ugrian language group (which includes Hungarian, Estonian, Lapp and several lesser known languages spoken in Russia). Of note also is the absence of gender; the same Finnish pronoun hän denotes both he and she (quite a PC convenience in today’s world).

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Feature

On and off-campus activities for foreign language learners

By Hazazel Having studied two of the languages offered here at Waikato, and dabbled in many more off-campus, I know it’s sometimes hard to find out what’s available outside class. In search of both language and cultural resources, I contacted the various departments (with mixed results), trawled the uni website, and generally nosed about. Here’s what I found:

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

Japanese: There is a conversation ‘class’ every Wednesday 1-2pm (cultural hour). Often attended by at least as many native speakers as learners (thanks to the language institute).

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screenings at Victoria Cinema.

A couple of other spots to get a taste of French culture are Café St Lazarre on Casabella Lane, and La Cave (gourmet imports) on Riverlea Road.

German: The website says there is a German Chat during term time, on Tuesdays from 7:30pm at the Cook, but I was unable to find out if this is still happening - go along and find out!

There’s also something called the Waikato Goethe Society, which: “holds regular meetings, social functions and film screenings, hosts lectures by visiting scholars and workshop style discussions on cultural issues.” Sounds good, huh?

Contact Dr Norman P. Franke on franke@waikato.ac.nz.

There are free screenings of subtitled Japanese movies every month in L3 at 7pm. Coming dates are: 10 August, 14 September, 19 October, 9 November (all Thursdays). These are sponsored by the Consulate-General of Japan. See the dept (I3) for more details.

There is also a top-notch Taiko drumming group, if you’re interested more in the cultural side of things - the WaiTaiko Drummers (www.waitaiko.com). Their next performance will be in Garden Place on the 4th of August, at 5.30pm.

Chinese: The ‘Visualising China’ paper shows subtitled films every Thursday in S1.02 at 1 pm. Anyone is welcome to attend.

French: Where do I start?! There is French Chat upstairs at the Loaded Hog, Tuesdays at 6pm, and a ‘French Breakfast’ on the first Saturday of every month, 10am at the Cook.

The Alliance Française is dedicated to spreading French language and culture, and the Hamilton branch often organises activities such as French film

Spanish: Supposedly, there is (or was) a Spanish chat (‘The Spanish Table’) every Tuesday at 7:30 p.m. at The Bank. It may be now defunct, but hey - maybe you can revive it! Sadly there are currently no screenings of Spanish films on campus. Perhaps some committed folks could revive the Sapnish club? ¡Viva el español!

Another good resource is community radio, which has a variety of foreign-language hours: The French Connection - 6pm Wed, Mundo Hispano - 8pm Thurs, Kampai Japan - 6pm Thurs, and Chinese homeland - 6pm Sunday.

As you can see, it makes a big difference when there are dedicated staff and outside groups to help things along, but if you want more language activities than this, you may have to organise them yourself!

Feature

HOW TO PARTY NZ STYLE

A guide for international students

By Nexus Party Reviewer Skot

Coming to a new country can be both annoying and frustrating at times. Any reasonable person would think with your excessively over-priced fees you would get your money’s worth on how to speak the lingo here in NZ!

Instead, drink what is left in your glass/stubbie (fast) and demand another drink from the person making the scull command.

This is sadly not the case. Where in the paper outline does it tell you where to get crunk on crate day before hitting the Outsack? Or where you can grab your hooter and hotbox the bathroom?

If any of the above makes no sense to you whatsoever, then this guide is for you. I will categorise the below topics depending on what type of party you would like to attend.

The stoner party

Backdraft: You don’t want one of these. That is unless you really like the taste of cinnamon.

You will usually come across these parties if you frequent the University on J Day or just in general.

They normally happen in the mid-afternoon, and can be found anywhere from dorm rooms to flats across the greater Waikato. The most commonly used terms at these types of parties will be:

Common names used to associate people/things at parties Below you will find common names that we call each other at parties, whether they be friends or complete strangers. And also the commonly used names of events/places that may come up in a conversation.

Boozehag: This is the name typically given to a drunk female. You can pick out a boozehag from a great distance away. They usually have makeup running down their face and a wine bottle in each hand.

Dots: Small pieces of marijuana rolled up into balls.

Spit Roast: You don’t want one of these. No matter how tasty one sounds! There may be something for you too eat but it isn’t food.

These parties are most common. They happen on most nights of the week around the greater Waikato.

However you are more likely to get invited to one on a Thursday, Friday or Saturday night. The most commonly used words at these types of parties will be as follows.

Spots: The art of smoking marijuana off a stove, by burning dots between two heated knives.

Drunken Monkey: A drunk person acting like a monkey.

Bong: A devise used to smoke weed through water.

May have the appearance of a beer bottle, but never confuse the two!

Bozzie: Local Hillcrest bar called The Boston.

Funnel: Drinking device used to finish one or more standard drinks at once.

Joint: Smoking marijuana rolled up in paper.

Next Door: A place to go if you like if you’re into receiving a dirty sanchez and/or a felcher, or so I’m told. Generally speaking, a bar you should avoid if you’re not keen on your own sex.

The alcohol party

Crate Day: To attend one of these get-togethers you must bring a crate of the beer of your choice to the party. However you must, at all costs, attempt to finish it.

Yardie: An obscenely large glass used to funnel approximately 9 beers at once. This is supposed to be only done once in a man’s life. However, there are many a student walking among you claiming that they have done more than fingers on their hands.

Scull: A party-goer may ask you to scull your drink.

No it doesn’t mean smash it against your forehead!

Buckie: Not to be confused with bukkake. This is the art of smoking weed with a bottle and a bucket.

The water acts like a vacuum delivering the smoke the smoker.

Hash Cake: This is a cake made with marijuana.

May be good tasting but the effects could be felt long after the initial first bite.

Session: Smoking marijuana. Noticeably different to a session in the computer labs at uni! Or is it…?

Hotbox: Smoking marijuana in a confined space.

Be wary, you may get extra high from the weed floating around the room.

Tea Bag/ teabagging: No, not a drink! Rather, one of your friends sticking his balls in your mouth after you coma from drinking too much. This is often photographed so that you get to witness the event that took place the night before.

Crunk: Chronically drunk.

I hope this guide sheds some light on partying H-town style to all the international students out there. You will now know what we are on about the next time you attend one of our parties. However a note to the ‘national’ students, invite your fellow international class mates too your next party. You never know, you could end up in the bath like that scene from Shanghai Noon.

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Keg Stand: You may be invited to do one of these at the next party you attend. This involves standing on your head while fellow party-goers pour beer down your throat. Who says binge-drinking can’t be fun!

CiggaWeed/Spliff: A joint with tobacco in it. I really don’t know why anyone would want to do this!

Outsack: Outback bar

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If you know of any gigs or events, send in the details to nexus@waikato.ac.nz. For any possible changes to this list, listen to Contact 88.1 FM

Tuesday August 1st The eavesdrop listening party If you are interested in previewing new music by awesome bands head along to the Eavesdrop Listening Party at The Wine Cellar (St Kevin’s Arcade, K Rd, Auckland) from 7-11pm.

Hamilton Film Society Hamilton Film Society meets at 8pm every Tuesday at Victoria Cinema. Intending members can sign up on screening nights or call Andrea Haines on 839-5932. Student subscriptions are $85 full year or $45 half year. 3-screening Flexi tickets are also available for $25.

Kraftwerk Kraftwerk is a Arts Crafts, Zines and Music fair and will be featuring The Gladeyes live! This is going to be held at Alleluya Café which is in the Kings Arcade on K-Rd, Auckland. 6.30-9.30pm.

This is a really valuable event to support and everyone should go!

Friday August 4th

Texas Poker Night Come along to the Kings Arms Tavern in Auckland and get your ass whipped! It’s gonna be awesome!

Wai taiko drummers will be playing in Garden Place at 5:30 pm. They are playing for Amnesty International’s “Freedom Week” so come along enjoy the show and help out a really good cause.

Art Exhibition Go along and see an exhibition of new works by Rumpus Room drummer Greg Page. 1 - 13 of August, Satellite Gallery, Auckland. Opening Night is the 1st of August 2006. 6 - 8pm

Sunny Tokyo Hamiltonians Sunny Tokyo, Dynamo Go, The Lookie Loos and The Braxton Hicks are playing at Sohl Bar. The Lookie Loos are well worth checking out as they are fairly new and pretty damn outstanding.

The Strokes Rock’n’rollers The Strokes are playing at the St James Theatre in Auckland. Unfortunately tickets have all sold out, though I think you can still get some on Trademe. This show is going to be absolutely amazing!

Wednesday August 2nd Zebra Jazz band Zebra play at The Cook, Cook Street, Hamilton East every Wednesday night from 8pm.

Battle of the Bands (Aucks) Go along and watch the bands Fuser, Alpine Fault, Subservient and Broken Saint battle it out to be awarded the title of ‘best’. This is at the Kings Arms, Auckland.

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Alabaster Theatre Wellingtons Alabaster Theatre will be playing with Battle Circus and International Flannel at the Schooner Tavern, Auckland.

Zombie Prom Party Come along to the Schooner Tavern, Auckland to see rock’n’rollers The Have, Jonnie Rose, Slavetrader and DJ Nettipage all go wild – it should be a fun night with loads of dancing and silly business.

Salient, Blacktooth, Carnage & Metal Tower play at Catalyst on the 4th of August. $10 door.

Surrender to the Night And once again come along to the Kingsland Vinyl Appreciation Society at the Kings Arms, Auckland.

This goes from 4.30-7.30pm w/ Jug Specials and is followed by.. a pretty frikken decent show

by Madisson Press, The Tutts, Motocade and the Shakey Hands. An awesome line-up and a guaranteed fantastic night!

Thursday August 3rd

Saturday August 5th

Inverse Order Inverse Order are playing with Sonicaltar at Immigrant, Lorne St, Auckland Central, This is a free gig organised with the ‘we rock club’ at the Immigrant Bar. It’s with some exciting bands so come along and dance!!

NZ’s own Hardcore ‘06 This is the first CD release show which will be featuring Hamilton’s own Antagonist, Guest Stabs Host, Capone plus 1 more to-be-confirmed band.

This will take place on K Rd in Auckland. Not an event to be missed!

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Saturday 12th August A Low Hum Presents Jakob + The Deadly Deaths - 6PM start. Look out for more info on this next week.

More Arts / Theatre Coming up - Wintec’s annual five-day festival of international media, arts and design Spark 06 will be held in Hamilton from August 21-25.

This always has some great speakers and presentations and it’s definitely worth catching a few sessions for inspiration. Look out for more details in future issues or watch http://www. spark.mediarts.net.nz/ for updates.

Exhibition: Put that Ipod aside and come to Ramp Gallery!

Curated by Richard Francis ‘into the groove’ is a collection of vinyl and lathe cut 7 inch records; a mini-audio-library showcasing some of New Zealand’s most prolific and well respected experimental music artists. Available for perusal in a make shift audio lounge, visitors can sit down, look through records, and indulge in the vanishing recreation of spinning 45’s. ‘into the groove’ features work by Birchville Cat Motel, Tim Coster and Pumice, among others.

In ledge this month local artist Tony Nichols presents ‘Mono Filament‘, a sonically driven mechanical oscilloscope and visual amplifier that enables sound energy to be seen. ‘into the groove’ and ‘Mono Filament’ opened on Friday and both exhibitions run from July 31 – August 18.

RAMP and ledge are located at Media Arts, Wintec, Gate 2, Collingwood Street, Hamilton.

Gallery open Tues-Fri 12-4. Closed Mondays.

Gig Spotlight

By M. Emery, Photos by Petra Jane (.com)

The Lookie Loos

The Lookie Loo’s are a multinational rock and roll band comprising of: Tim Steers - guitar and vox - from the U.K, moved here to study commercial music at

best in the world. Joe came in after a few months of looking for a drummer. Tim met him at tech on the first day he started and figured it must be fate that they play in a band together.

The international members of The Lookie Loos were drawn to Hamilton for different reasons.

In Tim’s words, he came “to study one of the

want to take this opportunity to express our divine dis-taste for Fall-Out Boy and Panic At The Disco.

Fringe is out, rock is in!”

Still in their early stages with multiple Open Mic appearances and a few gigs under their belt, The Lookie Loos haven’t experienced much hardship yet. “Lookie Loos are go! It’s been a rather easy

Wintec (is not affiliated with Joel from C4 in any way.)

Joe Gruber – Drums - from Philadelphia, U.S.A, moved here to play drums in The Lookie Loos.

Mad drum styles and loves magpies (the bird not the rugby team) Alex Mustard - Bass- Waihi Beach, has the longest arms known to man, can hug Tane Mahuta!

The Fellows formed the band after lengthy discussions about British rock and roll being the

most comprehensive music courses in such an amazing country!” Apparently Joe has a woman here “so that’s a draw for him, and I wanted to get away from all the Pikies in Kent.” Anyone who’s seen Snatch will know that it is well worth getting away from Pikies.

With a melodic rocktastic sound Tim commented on what influences The Lookie Loos music: “Any music influences us, especially The Beatles, The Libertines, Muse, Mars Volta. Times they are a changing so anything is possible…We

ride so far, but we’ll let you know when it gets tough.”

The Lookie Loos’ goal for 2006 is to release an E.P and complete a full tour without any serious injury. Also to meet Joel from C4 and head butt him.

These guys play a Mole Music gig on Friday 4th of August at Sohl bar on Victoria Street with some of Hamilton’s finest - Sunny Tokyo, The Braxton Hicks and Dynamo Go. Check it out!!

double book both bands!”

Like many bands from Hamilton and Putaruru, Sunny Tokyo have a wide range of influences, as Pads detailed to me, “Bands which I would say are influences are: The Doors, The Beatles, Rolling Stones, The Witnesses, Free, Trail of the Dead, Billy Preston, James Brown, BRMC, This Night Creeps, The Mint Chicks etc blah. Life, people, and personal experiences influence songs. I also recently read a book by Rohinton Mistry called ‘A Fine Balance’ which I found to be very inspirational.”

With all that in mind I had to ask: What local bands are you gay for at the moment?

“The Lookie Loos are great. They play brit-pop

rocknroll and I would say are Hamilton’s best new band to emerge this year.” “Auckland band White Birds and Lemons are also great. They play psychedelic blues/rock and are flippin’ awesome.

So go see them when they play in Hamilton next.

We are also all very fond of the Mint Chicks.

Basically, they are the best band in NZ.” Sunny Tokyo’s plans for the rest of 2006 involve fun, traveling, drugs, and music. Plus: “Keep playing shows with sweet bands.” “Keep pulling out of shows with putz bands.” “Release a short EP through Mole Music over the next couple of months.” “Keep writing.” “Keep shooting up.”

“Travel to Australia and Japan at the end of the year.” “Keep having fun.”

F www.myspace.com/thelookieloos

Sunny Tokyo

F www.myspace.com/sunnytokio

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Pads - Guitar and Vocals Lil Pads - Bass Ruth - Keys Jonno - Drums Pads explained how Sunny Tokyo came to fruition, “The idea of Sunny Tokyo as a band has been around since late last year…Basically, we wanted to create a fun organ based psychedelic/rock n roll band, but it has mutated into something of its own. We had local Uni star Maria Mo on keys for a while but she flaked out to concentrate on appeasing her parents. Ruth was recruited in March and we have been playing shows as this lineup since.”

Sunny Tokyo are well known for pulling out of shows, with many cancelled shows and scores of disappointed fans all over New Zealand. I was concerned, was this a substance abuse issue?

“Yes,” explained Pads. “We are all junkies…

Especially Lil Pads. But another factor contributing to our slackness is poor communication within the band and even worse communication between Sunny Tokyo and This Night Creeps (we share two members) so often we accidentally

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WSU President Kia ora all, I am truly sorry for the seriousness of my column this week. I have just had a full day’s worth of committee meetings and corporate discussions. Don’t get me wrong, I am addicted to the politics of this place. However, nothing quite prepares you for the exhaustion of constantly reminding and repeating the same messages of students’ concerns and issues to people who are seemingly so detached from what student life is all about. So, I guess what I am trying to say is that I need help. I need whoever is reading this piece to come and participate at the types of meetings that I have listed below. I need you guys to be more vocal, and visible to those who are making the decisions about US. We need to show them that we are more than just EFTS, statistics and

graphs. What they do affects our lives because we have invested a huge chunk of it in attending this institution.

order to be fully informed, but also to challenge, analyse and debate the ideas that are being presented to you.

Key events to attend

90 Day Probationary Bill

Date: August 1 1-2pm in L1 This is an important meeting because the WSU executive will be discussing important issues that affect students at both this University as well is on a national scale, such as Manaaki

Date: August 7, 12:30-1:30 (to be confirmed) The WSU is organising a debate to take place on campus for students to voice their concerns about this bill to those who have written it, as well as to those who oppose it. The bill is known as “Mapp’s bill” and Wayne Mapp and David Bennett, MPs from the National Party, have

Tauira, NZUSA strategy, fee setting and campus developments. Doug Sutton, the Deputy Vice Chancellor will also be attending this meeting in order to discuss the qualifications review that is currently taking place throughout all the faculties and schools on campus. It is important that students engage in this dialogue not only in

confirmed that they will be participating in the debate against strong opposition possibly from the Labour and Green parties. Please look out for further information on this event, as this will be an opportunity to have your say, and to be engaged in a debate which concerns students nationwide.

Open Student Meeting

Vice-President Plagiarism and Big Brother Part 1

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

The University rightly bans plagiarism, which it defines as “presenting as one’s own work the work of another” (2006 UoW Calendar, Assessment Regulations, S.3, p. 132).

Plagiarism is a process involving intentional misrepresentation – that’s clear in the above definition; yet the Assessment Regulations also say “It is not a defence against a charge of plagiarism for a student to argue that he or she did not act intentionally … however, the extent to which the student is judged to have plagiarised intentionally …may be [a factor] in the determination of any disciplinary action to be taken against the student” (op. cit., S.8 (3), p.

133). There are three main issues here, caused by sloppy drafting, and a punitive mentality: (1) the UoW’s counterdefence is contrary to natural justice.

(2) there are deemed to be only degrees of

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Sehai Orgad

intent, which is unacceptable. There’s a legal difference, in terminology and punishment, between accidentally breaking the law, and deliberately causing harm; and after that there are degrees of intent and harm.

(3) There’s no clear definition of, or distinction between, public (common) knowledge, and public domain knowledge, and specialised academic knowledge.

While it can be difficult to prove intent in plagiarism cases (“I forgot to reference” might or might not be true), S.8 (3) implies a pious, authoritarian morality (every mistake by a student is deemed misconduct).

The main objective is to get students to reference accurately rather than make them feel as if they’ve committed mortal sin.

‘Hearings’ under these regulations should be more about education and correction than piety and punishment, especially at first and second year (where student lack of knowledge and maturity, and cultural factors, are often issues),

Carl Gordon and should produce warnings and/or light penalties (zeroed/reduced assignment marks), with programmes of assistance. Experienced adjudicators know this.

“Natural justice” is defined in the Student Disciplinary Regulations as “the right to have a decision made by an unbiased decision-maker who observes fair and impartial procedures” (op. cit., p. 754). In a British-based justice system, it is wrong to have an automatic charge of misconduct attached, merely because of the way plagiarism is defined. Students should not be deemed guilty until proven innocent. ‘Natural justice’ is not just about the decision-making process. It should include the charges, their definitions, how they are laid, who adjudicates, and what rights students have. The regulations are a travesty of justice.

All this needs to be rectified. We are not living in medieval times.

If you need help, please contact WSU.

Disabled Students’ Officer Greetings all, SMILING! As immortalised in song, when you’re smiling, the whole world smiles with you. I try often to beam smiles at people on campus, especially if I note the person distinctively lacking one. Sometimes I am rewarded with a smile in return, sometimes not, but hey, ya gotta try and brighten things up somehow.

Why do I talk of smiles? My attention was brought to depression last week when I listened to 1 in 5 - a weekly magazine and information programme about the issues and experience of disability, broadcast on National Radio. If you live with diabetes, international research suggests you’re also twice as likely to experience depression as those in the general population. The reasons for this are complex and not fully understood, but the general response is to treat both conditions, which could mean taking both antidepressants as well as insulin. It was said that the rigors of coping with a life-long impairment are likely to contribute to the higher incidence of depression in people with diabetes. Relating depression to diabetes as being a function of the phsycho-social

effects of having any impairment, the physical constraints of diabetes (diet and medication) can easily get someone down. This is a situation that could be extrapolated beyond diabetes to many folks with impairments full stop.

I am doing a radio show on contact Friday mornings, 9-11, so tune in, or come along and join in!

involved in some aspect of our community on campus that will get you involved with some of the folks a bit further afield from your chosen course of study. Getting together with people, sharing food, sharing ideas, and sharing cultures are good ways I have discovered to combat mild depression. But also important is that University is the primary place to be associating with the professionals of tomorrow, and therefore a prime opportunity to start developing some primo network contacts for the future.

Have a great semester; get in touch with me if there is anything I can help with, either myself or one of the WSU crew are always prepared to

is saying let’s see him come on any University campus and explain.

“It preserves many fundamental rights for employees - on pay claims, holiday pay and sick leave - and it makes allowance for claims of serious discrimination, such as sexual harassment”.

Apparently we need to join something, so if all the OECD countries suddenly said ‘let’s all jump in the lake’, does that mean we should do so too? I am not convinced but at least I can say I voted against this proposal recently at July Conference 2006.

Renee Rewi

“It’s time we joined the rest of the OECD with modern employment law which has probation periods. This bill will promote greater growth and productivity in the economy”.

Now if this Bill is so darn good for us and the economy and aids with bringing NZ into better employment law legislation, on a par with other leading OECD countries – how is it that unions like the EPMU and CTU have threatened to strike? Food for thought.

AS ALWAYS THERE IS NO FIRE WITHOUT HEAT – LET’S TEST BEFORE WE TRY.

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

Now let’s examine this subject further and say let’s look at this proposed Bill through the eyes of a student. Now, unless I am greatly mistaken, part of this country’s future sits with us who struggle through 3, 4, and more years at University to become the social good that we were told we would be. How does this bill work for you the student? Well, according to National, it preserves ‘rights’. However these rights were not in trouble, so if Mr Mapp means what he

help out with anything we can.

So when we can, as students - impaired or otherwise - we all need to stick together and help maintain a state of wellbeing for ourselves and our peers. I strongly suggest getting into a club, or starting a club and/or just getting

Maori Students’ Officer “The National Party is inviting union leaders to discuss their concerns around Wayne Mapp’s Member’s Bill to introduce a 90-day probation period for new workers”.

Jeff Hawkes

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GLBT Officer

Megan Moffet

Hi all,

Homophobia Transgender UniQ Fa’afafine That’s so gay Joy GLBTI Family Askew Georgina Beyer Safety Bisexual Pride Lesbian Takataapui Love Straight

If you think you have something to say on queer issues, are artistically talented, a budding poet or just creative then you could be part of the nexus pride week edition! I am collecting material at the moment so get in as quick as you can and see your work in print.

As an example, here is a rainbow wordfind. The first person to bring in the wordfind leftovers to the WSU reception gets a box of chocolates.

Sports & Recreation Officers Kia ora koutou, Gee, it’s getting real busy. I sometimes wonder how I could have forgotten that being an exec while studying can be pretty full on. I’ve already lost count of the meetings but I guess the highlight is the hardship case I was able to help with. If things turn to custard please remember that there are a bunch of people committed to helping you guys get through this uni experience – that’s why we’re here.

I’ve picked up some snippets mostly from other pamphlets … here they are:

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

• Moana Jackson is presenting a seminar featuring a Foreshore and Seabed update to be held this evening Monday 31 July in S.1.02 at 5.30 – 7pm.

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• This week is Waka Week – look for the flyer on the Te Puna Tautoko website http://www.waikato.ac.nz/tautoko/ or on the opposite page for more info, • UniRec – 6 month membership $155 for students – maybe it’s a good time to tackle that winter fat.

• Bill Dowdal is a world renowned Irish flautist. He is performing in the

Paora Mato (with Matangaro Paerau)

Gallagher Concert Centre this Wednesday 2 August 1pm to 1.50pm.

For more info use this contact kimajohn@waikato.ac.nz.

•

How does a retreat day sound to you? A day full of relaxation, film, music, creativity, yoga and meditation. The best part? It’s totally free!!!

It’s being held this Saturday August 5th from 10am – 4pm in the University Chapel. Please bring your lunch. For more information or to indicate attendance, please see email chaplain@waikato.ac.nz.

Also, a warning - Canteen – Corporate Relay 17 September. 5 members per team $100 entry. Run approx 2km, supporting young people living with cancer. At this stage I am also checking to see if Uni students are able to participate or help out so watch this space.

Lastly, remember the 2nd September for the Great Race ball. Start saving now ‘cause it costs $150 – more on that later. Right, I’m madly off to lectures or something. You guys have a great week!!

Mature Students’ Officer

Vince Malcolm-Buchanan

Vigilance in the ALMS Commons Room I’d like to ask all students who utilise the facilities in the ALMS Commons Room to keep a vigilant eye on our supplies (tea, coffee, milo etc) – regrettably it would appear that some needful person has been ‘liberating’ these products (much to the chagrin of our students).

On a much lighter note, I’d like to share with you a rather curious journal article discovered by a very popular lecturer from the Anthropology Department (good spotting!): Wired wigs help students cheat in exams More than twenty “desperate” students in Vietnam paid up to 50 million dong ($NZ5, 300) to don elaborately wired wigs and shirts that allowed them to cheat in their college entrance exams, police said yesterday.

During a weekend raid, Hanoi police confiscated fifty mobile phones, sixty earphones, 150 SIM cards, eight shirts and five wigs. The students paid 20 to 50 million dong to get wigs or shirts that were wired to mobile phones.

A police officer said the operation had been running since 2003. The price depended on the popularity of the college the student was enrolling in.

- The Guardian (from AUS Tertiary Update, 17.6.06).

Lastly, a reminder to all students that winter cares little for our numerous deadlines and commitments, so keep wrapped up and healthy – we’re now in the 4th week of this six week term people, GO HARD! Have a great week - one and all! Kia ora.

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

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Women’s Rights Officer Training Incentive Allowance in Jeopardy?

Jennifer Jones, National Women’s Rights Officer, New Zealand Union of Students Associations (NZUSA) July 2006 At the end of 2006, the Labour Government is planning on introducing legislation to fundamentally change the welfare system in New Zealand. They are creating a “Single Core Benefit” to replace the current benefit programme. NZUSA is watching these changes closely, as it will potentially impact thousands of predominantly female students. This is for a number of reasons – first that the application process for the DPB will be harder and designed to discourage applicants, second, the work-test for the DPB will be made stricter, and third those students that are on the DPB (90% of which are female) may also receive the Training Incentive Allowance about which no mention has been made in any of the consultation so far. It is this last fact which concerns NZUSA the most. The TIA is an important allowance for single parents studying, as it helps them address barriers to entering employment and provide financial help

with the additional costs of studying and raising children. NZUSA believes that no news is bad news, and is actively seeking more information on the fate of the TIA. Change isn’t always a bad thing. However, changes without consultation are. Any modification to the TIA as part of the single core benefit plan will significantly impact a large number of students, mainly women. 85% of TIA recipients in the last three years were on the DPB, and over last three years over 90% of TIA recipients were women. The financial investment provided to these women by the TIA is a maximum of $81.98 per week – average paid per year $1,850 (this was a stable figure for last three years). In 2004 there were 24,411 recipients of the TIA, and those students rely on it to somewhat help with textbooks, childcare and transport costs. The amount provided could certainly be higher, as it doesn’t represent the true costs they face, but at least it exists at present.

Students that receive the TIA are still in the dark as to what will come of it when the Single Core Benefit is introduced. In 2004 and 2005 the

Environmental Officers

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Kiaora koutou enviropeepz,

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First of all thanks to Nexus for actually printing what we sent in last week, and it was great to see no grammatical errors (all praise to spellcheck, or Nexus peepz fixing our grammar) - TOO MUCH. Hope everyone was able to get their Maoriness on last week for Te Wiki O Te Reo Maori. A big ‘shot’ to those giving Maori pronunciation, words and phrases a go, e.g. ‘cook your own damn eggs!’, ‘Shot bro!’ or ‘not even oooww.’

Back to the kaupapa. Every Wednesday at 3:30pm, starting this week, there will be an environmental stunt/antic to lift the environmental profile in this university. Last week we challenged the Vice-Chancellor (VC) Roy Crawford to a swim in the lake; however, we didn’t name the time and place (our mistake,

Kim Armstrong government put $36 million into the scheme which was a decrease from previous years.

In this year’s budget slightly more money was allocated to the scheme which could be a positive sign for its future. The government seriously needs to step up its consultation with TIA recipients, and supporters need to put pressure on the government to provide information about their actual plans for this necessary allowance. In a perfect world they will increase the allowance, and make it available for postgraduate study. Realistically though, numbers will probably drop and access to the allowance will be more heavily monitored (judging by the other core benefit plans available). Now is the time to lobby for more information and more consultation on this highly important issue.

Send your thoughts on the Training Incentive Allowance to the Minister for Social Development, David Benson Pope, or to the Minister of Women’s Affairs Lianne Dalziel. Tell them to ensure the TIA remains, and to extend it to cover the true costs of child-raising whilst studying.

Ben Delaney & Whetu Taukamo

your fault). So yes, this week Wednesday at 3:30pm at the lake closest to the banks area, Mr VC and Envirowhets swim in the lake.

interaction and the interaction.

• The learning environment e.g. the main reason we are here… yeah right.

Some may ask ‘Why swim? Why lake? Why VC and Envirowhets?’ In a nutshell, accountability starts at the top so Envirowhets and the VC are the where the buck stops. The lake is a priority to clean up and hopefully the VC gets the same idea after a quick dip. These stunts/antics will be happen weekly, peepz - same bat time, same bat channel.

Before we sign off, we noticed some of our fellow WSU reps (campaigns, education, and finance) never put a blurb in the Nexus, so this wero (challenge) is to yous. Come on peepz, get on the waka. Failure to comply may mean public stunts/antics involving you/yous may follow.

Anyway, if you missed our pitch to get elected onto WSU, basically we breakdown our portfolio into three areas: • The natural environment e.g. the tress, the plants and nature.

• The social environment e.g. the interaction,

Finally, to you Nexus peepz a matter of social envirostuff - where is Captain Evil? Bring him back, and Buck Shelford if he’s anywhere in the same vicinity. You guessed it - failure to comply may mean public stunts/antics involving you/yous may follow.

To be continued…

Open Student Meeting Happening in L1 at 1 PM on Wednesday the 2nd of August 2006 All welcome. Come along and have your say.

Agenda 1 Present 2 Apologies 3 Confirmation of the minutes from previous meeting(s) (Available at WSU reception) 4 90 Day Probationary Bill 5 Doug Sutton to speak on Qualifications Review 6 NZUSA

8 Waste minimization policy 9 Campus Development 10 Food on Campus

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7 Fee Setting

11 General Business 31

Dr Charles Royal (Te Ahukaramū) is a researcher, writer, musician, with many qualifications and experiences under his belt. He visited Waikato last week to speak at Te Wiki O Te Reo Maori celebrations on campus. Nexus met up with him to talk about career highlights and te reo Maori.

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Firstly, with an impressive and lengthy list of achievements that include 5 books on mātauranga Māori and a doctoral dissertation at Victoria University, what stand out as the favourite ones?

The first to come to mind for Royal was gaining a degree of fluency in Maori, and just being confident to converse with other people. ‘That was certainly an enjoyable achievement because I can certainly remember all of the awkward times.’ Another milestone was deciding to write his Masters thesis solely in te reo Maori. Royal is still ‘really glad’ he did, but found it hard work at times. ‘I can’t remember what compelled me to do that – it wasn’t exactly a rational decision at the time, as writing a Masters in English if you’re a native speaker of English is daunting enough. I look back at it now and think it’s a bit ugly in places but setting myself a task like that was really good.’

He also mentions that one of the bonuses of the project was how his conversational ability in Maori improved greatly in fluency and clarity. ‘Having the confidence now to express my views in te reo Maori if the opportunity arises is a great achievement.’

Royal’s wife, Parekawhia, and their two daughters are also something he’s very proud of. ‘Having a good family is always really great treasure.

[Also] I’ve been through academia and I’ve done

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a doctorate, and done some post-doctoral work in the US. I was fortunate enough to receive a Fulbright award and go to the US and do some research over there. In 2004 I was lucky enough to be invited to attend the Rockefeller Foundation Study and Research Centre in Northern Italy.’

On the language side, I bring up the issue of what the Maori language and culture means to non-Maori. We digress for a moment over semantics. ‘I don’t like using the word ‘Pakeha’ as it’s a tremendously imprecise term,’ says Royal.

‘Interestingly enough I have problems with the word ‘Maori’ as well. In the so-called Pakeha population you’ll have the full spectrum of opinion about the

‘One the whole I think the Pakeha world needs to know that Maori, on the whole, want to share their taonga with other New Zealanders. But they don’t want to do it if they feel patronised, diminished, undermined, or related to as if as if we’re children. On the whole, the Maori world does want to share but it wants to share from a position of empowerment not from a position of being imposed upon or…colonised, really.’

‘So there’s a bit to do with Pakeha becoming more informed about NZ generally and our history and our relationships. It’s also to do with Maori overcoming our own internal barriers that we’ve

I don’t like using the word ‘Pakeha’ as it’s a tremendously imprecise term….I have problems with the word ‘Maori’ as well.

Maori language - from the ‘deeply ignorant but humble’ to the ‘deeply ignorant but arrogant’ to the ‘informed and humble to the ‘informed and arrogant.’ So there are different kinds of people, and we all strike them as we go forward.’

In general, Royal thinks there’s a lot of general work to be done around the Maori-Pakeha relationship. ‘We are much more connected than we like to think we are. As a country we are still a little bit nervous around this question of unity and diversity - how we can be deeply integrated with one another while at the same time being Maori, or being this or that.’ Too big an issue to cover in a soundbite? ‘It’s a bit of a life mystery really.’

constructed, for lots of reasons, around the protection of ourselves in the past.’

Where is te reo Maroi heading, in Royal’s opinion?

Will people still be speaking it in ten years?

Short answer, yes. ‘There is going to be a Maori language. It’s going to be quite different from the language spoken in 1950, which is quite different from the language spoken in 1850. It’s going to in all sorts of weird and wonderful directions. When I started learning to do Maori 1983-84 we didn’t have things like radio stations and internet, none of that kind of thing. It was just language classes and going to maraes and things like that. But the other night I saw Julian Wilcox do the third Tall

The Maori language has been taken in so many directions now.’

Royal believes it’s important that there continues to be a good number of speakers with some depth and fluency in Maori, rather than a whole lot of speakers with a more shallow grasp. ‘The thing about English, and any living language, is that in the normal populace they’re using it everyday, but you also have a bunch of people deeper in the language – writers and painters and scholars and creative people working with that language and exploring it. So I think we need that for Maori as well.’

Pictures and people from the closing event of MANAWATAKI Rhythms of the Whenua - Contemporary Maori Visual and Performance Art Exhibition 2006

The interview time draws to a close. Any final words for Waikato students?

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‘Kia Kaha! Kia kaha, Waikato students!’ Royal says enthusiastically, and comments on what a great resource students here have at their fingertips.

‘This section of Waikato University has been well known as a leader in Maori language work and research and creative activity. You’ve had some fantastic scholars in this department right here for a long time. And there’s no better example of this than the late great [composer and lecturer] Hirini Melbourne, who was here for a long time and is still a model for many of us for creativity in the Maori language. So I’d say to Waikato students: get stuck in to the Maori department, make connections and make use of it and you’ll find there are lots of goodwilled people all over the place willing to do things in te reo Maori.’

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Columns

“Teachers caned on website” - so reads the front page of Times as I finish breakfast. Apparently Waikato teachers are being singled out for personal attacks on a website where students rate their teachers. I’m feeling nostalgic, so it’s off to the PC (www.ratemyteachers.co.nz) to see exactly which of my old teachers are receiving the bulk of the flak; if they haven’t already retired that is.

I arrive at the website and find that the article is rather inflammatory in nature. All the comments regarding teachers I had at Hamilton Boys High are actually very accurate. Over the scales of ‘Easiness’, ‘Helpfulness’ and ‘Clarity’, the bulk of the scores listed match those I would have given back in the schoolboy days. Something the Waikato Times didn’t point out is that negative comments (‘if this was a class to help people with sleeping problems, Mr x would be a millionaire with his cures’) are counter balanced by positive ones (‘he knows his stuff and is not as bad as everyone says he is.’) It’s not an all out slag-fest.

I’m torn. Torn between the All Blacks new ‘cutthroat’ haka and the tried and true Ka Mate. Each time I see the new and rather controversial haka it’s like seeing it for the first time; I wonder why they keep pausing and struggle to hear the words over the fierce yelling of our men in black.

Ka Mate has been with us for years, we all know it and it stirs something within. It’s ours and we love it and, lacking the cut throat gesture, it probably better resembles good sportsmanship. In the international arena is it appropriate to suggest such violence? There’s plenty of hateful, angry and sometimes race related violence as it is, and unlike the protests regarding the ‘80s Springbok tour of New Zealand this isn’t so much about standing for what we believe in, or demanding the wrong be righted but simply egging on the opposition.

In large, the slogan of the website says it all – ‘honest, essential critique’. It’s like an online report card for teachers; a few comments are exaggerated in opposing directions, but a good description emerges on aggregate. It’s anonymous, so of course you are going to get some bizarre comments, but these are a more telling reflection on those who post them, than on the teacher or group they are directed toward.

If you have some spare time, go check it out. There has been some talk of getting the site closed but I think it’s beneficial for all. If students have consistently found a particular teaching style ineffective, perhaps it’s time for a change in tactics. The forums look interesting but I haven’t had too much time to explore those yet. Teachers can also have their own say, but I haven’t come across any who have in my brief traversal to date.

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There is also a parallel form, ratemyprofessors.com, but this is nowhere near as populated as the high school version. Besides, we do enough course, tutor, and lecturer evaluations as it is - I wonder if the results of these are made public anywhere?

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Stuff happening this week: Date: Wednesday 2 August 2006 Time: 1:00 PM - 1:50 PM Location: Gallagher Concert Chamber What: music recital I’m keen to see a performance from anyone who has an official title of ‘Professor of the flute’… the mind boggles (yes, I watched American Pie last night).

William Dowdall’s fluting will hopefully be more traditional in nature.

With the aid of some other instruments, William will be busting out solos ranging from Bach to contemporary Irish tunes. This should be a good way to spend a lunch hour if you are interested in world class musicianship.

Contradicting myself, this new haka does seem to bring the crowd to life, whether for it or against it. It’s fierce, wild and a tad savage and even if its composer believes the throat cutting symbolises the cutting edge of sport it does seem to frighten the opponents a little. But is that the point?

Do hundred of littlies playing Saturday rugby charge rounding mimicking the throat cutting gesture? Our men in black do provide some kind role model, even if it has morphed to be a handbag hero with a stripper girlfriend. Maybe our littlies will mimic the lords of soccer and headbutt anyone who speaks against them, or label their teeny weenie opponents as children of ‘terrorist whores.’ If international sport with the world watching is beginning to look rather frightening, how will regional and local teams hold up? With sport beginning to resemble armed combat I’m glad I’ve chosen to abstain from partaking in such activities - my nerves of cotton (rather than steel) wouldn’t handle the stress.

I’ll continue to mull of the pros and cons of each haka, listening to the debates that fire up at kick off. Rugby will no longer be a game but a battle, fighting for the good of the nation or free world. The term ‘game’ is no longer fitting for today’s rugby matches. They would be more appropriate if labelled as battles, clashes or skirmishes and that is where our new haka would best fit in.

Columns

Jerkos! Want your future revealed to you? If so, email 8ballknowsall@ gmail.com and I will answer your Yes/No questions. Any anxieties or queries about the future? Email me you idiot!

New Zealand doesn’t have a particularly large stake in the world car market; anyone can tell you that. At most you could get a New Zealand assembled car, but that doesn’t mean a hell of alot, except that you can get the full history of the car when you buy it. A very large portion of the cars here are made overseas and imported, with the main sources being Europe, Asia and America.

It could be said that Japan is our largest source of cars in New Zealand, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing; their cars are mass produced and relatively cheap. A lot of people’s first cars are an old Jap import, and they’re fun cars to drive too - you don’t have to be so careful with them.

Plus with the older ones, people don’t make assumptions about you being snobby or rich. But you can argue that it can apply to most rough ‘80s cars. Asian countries other than Japan are large players in the world car industry; Korea is one of them with their Hyundai, Renault and Kia manufacturers.

American cars are widely perceived as cool cars, in part because they’re not made by the “evil Japanese” and instead by the “heroic Americans” the reality is much the opposite of this stereotype. The Asian cars are much more economic than the cars Americans tend to produce, plus they’re almost always cheaper. In contrast however, the Americans definitely win the style points, often sacrificing aerodynamics for the shapes and styles that they know people like.

And then you get the European cars, which all tend to be designed towards smarmy businessmen with lots of money. They cover a wide range though, from the Germans’ characteristic BMW to the Italians’ spaceship Maserati.

Europe is unquestionably the home of exotic cars; the cars that go far too fast for the road and cost far too much money, and often look like an oversized door wedge. All they do is declare to the world that you want to show off how much money you have, and people don’t really tend to care how much money you have. And yet, the first thing most people do when they win a lottery or come across ludicrous amounts of money is go and buy such a car.

“You may rely on it.” Your attractiveness factor will increase! However, it won’t be by much because you’ll still be living in a dump and you have a terrible fashion sense. Also, good luck finding a lady that will like accept you for the horrible smelling person you are!

8 bizzall, Was John Titor real? Did he really come from the future? Will we end up being orange farmers whilst shooting people off our property with shotguns? Is humanity doomed because of its self-absorbant fetish for materialism? Please answer my questions!

James “My sources say no”, “My reply is no”, “My reply is no”, “Outlook good”.

There, all answered for you. Now, if you want to buy your own 8 ball, it’s about $15 from most toy stores. Hey, you should totally buy stuff and aid in the destruction of man-kind! Or you could recycle but that’s not as cool as doing something for only yourself!

By The Panther Tip#1 So you’re ready to go get drunk on a Saturday night, but that’s not going to help you gain masculinity. So do what I do - carry a keg of wine with you whereever you go. I have made my vat of wine out of feijoas, kiwifruit and the hair of the back of an Irish man. My keg of wine weighed upwards of 500kg but, to be fair, by the end of my drunken adventure it only weighed 200kg (by the way my record is 15 beers and half a hip flask of whisky if you think you can beat that get in line with the rest of the bitches).

Tip#2 You may have seen the infomercials for an electronic device that stimulates your muscle into contracting, thus building muscle, but when you have guns as massive as mine are this puny product is ineffective. So I just stripped a power cord and plugged myself into the wall socket. I need 240volts of pure power to keep my muscles in peak condition, you know what I’m sayin’.

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The Asian manufacturers have got it right on most fronts, having produced powerful, yet economic and cheap cars. The only thing Americans have got on them is their style, and their big heavy motors. But style is what does it for a lot of people, so while people buy their cheap Jap imports, it would make sense that a fair few of them would rather have a beefy Chev or Dodge. Or alternatively, a showy European car.

Dear dong-bending 8 ball, Will I get bald before I am 30?

Chur ball, Matt

NISSAN SKYLINE

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Columns

First things first, the spoilers were published after the final of Lost was aired. That made me sad. But seeing as the new in thing is to bitch on about how Prison Break is “way cooler”, “has a better stor,y you fuckwit”, and “r0xors my boxors lol!!1”, I’m sure no-one actually cares.

On a more interesting note, Special K has entered the OutbackVodkaCruiserBurgerKingChlamydia Manfest of the Yearfest competition. Of course, due to the hilarious time-travel properties of Nexus, by the time you read this it will already have happened, in which case you need to get on down to the final which will be in the week you read this, where I’ll be strutting my stuff in a bid for a shred of respect and some free alcohol. The eventual plan is to solve all our problems by having Special K parade around half-naked: from our broken kettle and our flatmate always going to bed at 9.30, to getting new carpet and getting rid of the gang that keeps coming round demanding money. Oddly enough, they always get sidetracked and leave us to argue if we give them sunflower seeds, but that is such a temporary measure.

I’m pretty sure they are all called Hatsume. They keep calling each other Hatsume. I called one of them Hatsume once, but he got angry. Our Friend Andrew thinks they are looking for the beer we buried, but I mean honestly, they should know that it is STILL buried in the forest. Seriously.

I shit you not; I went to find it just two days ago and IT’S STILL THERE. YOU MORONS. FREE BEER. On that note, we are still on the hunt for a replacement for Medium Salsa. In one of our columns we had an email address to apply to, with 5 reasons we should pick you, and a tasteful nude. I can’t remember the email address now, so just text and pxt to 0276992022 and we’ll make a decision.

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A split decision. Ha.

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So anyway, drop me a line sometime.

It’ll be great. Anytime is fine, I’m usually awake all night, and long into the morning, long after all the Boy Racers have drifted off to sleep. Oh God you need to be PUNished.

See you all on Thursday.

Every morning I sit staring at a sign that says simply ‘stop’. Also every evening I stare at the very same sign. ‘STOP’. Does it have some kind of subconscious effect? Is this why I sit and wonder why on earth I’m working 9-5, Monday to Friday, and living this inconsequential, boring life?

Perhaps.

Perhaps on a subliminal level, my bus is telling me every day to stop.

What would happen if I did stop? Would I be finally satisfied? Would I enjoy the fact I’d wrung every drip of normalcy out of my life?

Would I finally be happy when the last drip was on its merry way down the plughole? Is it at all possible that it could be that easy?

If my life were an unstructured mess, would I feel complete? If no day was exactly the same as the last, if there was no path to follow, no pattern to adhere to, if everything was random, would I feel secure?

I think not. I think I’d be worried, scared, climbing up the walls in frustration, wishing desperately for a little schedule, a little predictability. Some people do it. I’ve recently learnt the term hobo-ing, not to be confused with homo-ing, a mistake I made at first. ‘Gosh, you’ve changed’ I thought, unsure of what to say next, but no, it’s ho-bo-ing.

Hoe-boe-ing.

Basically, while on your OE or travels, you adopt a lifestyle that takes you from minute to minute, forget living from day to day, this is really living on the edge. You practically live as though you are a homeless person. You sleep where and when sleep arrives. You don’t wash for days. You let your hair grow wild. You go where the wind takes you. You live as close to the world as possible and in the easiest manner for fate to take control.

Would you, could you live in an unstructured, unreliable, unpredictable mess?

It’s one way to see the world.

Columns

Machine Fucken Head Okay, been asked to do this one a few times so here goes: First rule of Machine Fucken Head…you can’t say the name without the middle word. Any MFH fan (I’ve initialised to reduce potty mouth) will tell you that it’s not a limit of vocabulary…it’s a statement of emphasis!

Guns N’ Roses Appetite For Destruction Reviewed by C.J. There has perhaps been no other band in the history of everything ever that has made so much impact in so little time. In their short recording career, 1987-1993, GN’R went from being unknown to being the biggest rock band in the world. Their meteoric rise and phenomenal success were due, pretty much, to their totally killer debut album Appetite For Destruction.

Appetite was unleashed upon the world in 1987, a dark time for music when shit hair-metal and even shittier pop ruled the airwaves, and rockin’ music was scarce. This all changed thanks to Axl, Slash, and the gang.

Formed in the sleazy, drug addled Los Angeles club scene Guns N’ Roses were raw, dirty, raunchy, and just about everything else immoral and wrong. Thank God for that.

But I’ve turned this particular column from something about music to me – it’s the sign of a good Boganology, admit it.

Quick! Think of MFH facts…..uhhhh, allegedly they were named from a Deep Purple album and bassist Adam Duce slept with Rob Flynn’s partner after he (Duce) joined the band. Rob Flynn was quoted as saying “Ahhh yeah I didn’t think it [the band] was gonna last”. Fucken hell!

The album starts off with ‘Welcome To The Jungle’, the song which heralded a new era of hard-rocking. It’s got killer guitar riffs, pounding drums, a few solos, and some dirty-ass lyrics. This is followed by the much less well known but almost-as-excellent ‘It’s So Easy’. It’s even more basic and raw than the other songs on this album, but what makes it great is the slowed down melodic verse, a nice breather from the heavy stuff.

Following on from that is the first GN’R song I ever heard, ‘Paradise City’.

It’s hard to put in words, but this song speaks to my heart in a way no other can. Who wouldn’t want to go “where the grass is green and the girls are pretty?” The other great song on this album, and one you should all know, is ‘Sweet Child O’ Mine’. It is continually rated one of the best rock songs ever, and for good reason. Slash is a guitar god, up there with Eddie and Kirk. And you have to give props to Axl, he’s the fuckin man yo. Who else could sing like a dick and make it sound so cool? 8.5/10

Competition Yay, heaps of people entered last week. The winner is Hannah Brett.

Congrats. However, I can’t say that I share your attraction to Jon Bon Jovi.

In 25 words or less, what do you think is the best rock song of all time?

The prize is All Of This And Nothing by The Psychedelic Furs. (Hint: make me laugh) Answers to cjw37@waikato.co.nz by midday Tuesday.

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Trying to think of how to describe MFH, I thought that the story of how I first heard the music sums it up. Back in the days when I used to smoke various substances and drink (I now only have one of those vices) in Whangarei, a flatmate’s friend came round to visit. This guy looked like Lurch from the Addams Family and was a fisherman. He’d go away for 3 months at a time and then return with a shitload of money to spend on random crap. He used to buy all these metal CDs and then ‘waste’ (or use) the remainder buying heaps of pot and alcohol. I was given strict instructions by my flatmate – ‘Don’t drink/smoke with him, he’ll kill you’. Now I’ve heard people brag about their drinking capacity before so I took this with a huge shaker full of salt. WRONG! Me and him stayed up all night drinking and listening to metal. Now how does this relate to MFH? ‘Cause twice I passed out and woke up to Lurch booting me in the ribs to wake me up, telling me to toughen up. There were flashbacks of Full Metal Jacket and something about stacking shit at a certain level or something. Anyway the music that was playing was MFH, and ironically I initially got booted to the lyrics ‘Ten Tonne Hammer’. We stayed up all night and then at 6am my flatmate and I danced through the streets like it was some screwed up post-apocalyptic novel by John Wyndham, or a John Carpenter movie. Anyway, I think this situation adequately describes MFH - hard core music that never stops partying!

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ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006 Activities!

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Comix

By Dylan

By Dylan ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

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Food & Drink

Flat Feed

Restaurants

Chilli Con Carne

Metropolis

This is great, simple and cheap to make. I like to serve it with rice and a lump of sour cream.

I have a tendency to make a little too much, but it tastes pretty good reheated, cold and in sammies.

We’re organised this year. The first night of the Montieth’s Wild Food Festival and we were at Metropolis with some friends, challenging our palates! Metropolis’ entries this year are, as usual, very interesting without being completely off-the-wall.

Ingredients

500g lean beef mince (it’s not bad with chicken mince either) 2 onions, peeled and sliced 1 Tbsp minced garlic

1 tsp each ground cumin and paprika 425g can Wattie’s Chilli Beans or ordinary kidney bean if your timid ¼ cup tomato Sauce or Paste 1 cup beef stock or water And for variety some finely sliced capsicum and a dash of chilli powder

Method 1. Heat a dash of oil in a lidded frying pan and brown the beef mince, breaking it up with a fork as you go (because everybody hates lumpy mince). Sometimes this is best done in 2 batches to avoid creating a mincey mess.

Set mince aside. If you choosing to add chilli powder this is the moment, allow the spice to cook through the mince.

2. Add the onion to the pan by itself, cook for 2-3 minutes until just beginning to soften, then add the garlic, cumin and paprika and cook for a further minute.

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3. Reunite the mince with the onion etc in the pan, and then add the chilli beans, tomato sauce or paste and beef stock or water. Cover and simmer for 15 minutes until the beef is tender.

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Variation Try this wrapped up in a tortilla for a meal on the go. Alternatively, serve over a baked potato or use the mixture for a kickass nachos mix. Serves 4 NEXT WEEK: Pub review, anywhere specific in mind email dkt5@waikato.ac.nz

By Hazazel

On a chilly night, Metropolis was cosy and the staff were welcoming and friendly. We were seated promptly, and water and other drinks arrived quickly. Sam was keen to try the Wild Food offering: ‘Silence of the Lambs’ - a muttonbird and lamb tongue terrine with wild tree tomato (tamarillo) marmalade, matched with Monteith’s Original. I’m a bit wary of terrines, as they’re cold and you can’t tell what’s in them, but I have to admit, this wasn’t bad.

The larger chunks of meat in it tended to be a bit tough or fatty (muttonbird and lamb’s tongue are not fillet steak!), but the bulk of it was tasty, and the ciabatta bread served with it was excellent. I had the smoked chicken, parmesan and red pepper polenta cakes. They were delicious (though I couldn’t detect any actual chicken meat in them) - crunchy outside, moist and flavoursome inside, and served with plenty of salsa and sour cream.

Both the entrees were generously sized and came with large, nicely-dressed salads. We knew we were in trouble if the mains were large.

Sam chose the ‘wild’ option: ‘Wild Gorilla’ - a mixed grill gone bush - boar liver sausage, duck egg, crispy wild pork bacon, goat pattie, native potatoes and Maori bread, matched with Monteith’s Pilsner. The duck egg, we all agreed, was indistinguishable from a hen’s one, and

the potato wedges didn’t seem any different to ordinary ones, but the rest of the plate was quite special. The sausage was tender, and slightly crumbly, with an unmistakable liver flavour (really unusual and tasty, as long as you like liver). The bacon was crisp and tasty, and the goat pattie was tender and herby. In the spirit of the evening, I ordered the kangaroo rump (which is on their standard menu!). I was suspicious when they gave me a steak knife to cut it, but it was surprisingly tender, the macadamia and sage crust was crisp and tasty, and the smoked cheese and potato frittata underneath was a nice counterpoint.

It was swimming in a rich fruity sauce, which, with the roast baby beetroot, made a nice accompaniment.

Delicious as they were, we couldn’t quite finish the mains, but there was no way we were not going to try the Montieth’s Black Chocolate Cake. This turned out to be a huge wedge of rich cake, with a slight beer flavour that prevented it from being overly sweet. It was served with a mound of whipped cream, a drizzle of sauce and a chocolate. Superb, and definitely big enough for two! I also had a fantastic hot ginger toddy - a great way to finish a meal.

Metropolis is a popular place, and deservedly so. The service is fantastic and they have a really interesting menu, with something for every taste/occasion. Definitely worth returning to over and over, even without the added attraction of wild food.

Event Reviews

José González Thursday 20th July at St James Theatre, Auckland Reviewed by Shane Dudfield

While the understated presence of Swedish singer/songwriter José González might have been more akin to an unassuming performance in a dimly lit low-key café (a la Sohl), the recent resurgence of folk music (in part due to José’s contemporaries Devendra Banhart, Sufjan Stevens, et al.) and the popularity of ‘that ad with the multi-coloured bouncy balls’ meant the shy Swede was instead presented with the potentially daunting task of entertaining an expectant audience at the grandeurious St James.

However, armed only with a nylon acoustic and accompanied by the subtlest of percussion, González punched well above his sonic capacity.

His mesmerizing blend of cleanly picked flamenco-folk and hypnotic clipped vocals reverberated around the hall with haunting beauty.

Exit 2nd Banana 21st July at The Meteor Reviewed by Kayla Charteris According to the pre-show publicity, Exit 2nd Banana is an experiment in a new type of theatre, original to the Waikato. Well, there just aren’t enough interactive circus murder mysteries out there so why not give it a try?

Initially, I wasn’t sure what to expect but ended up getting absorbed in the festive atmosphere and characters.

wind and rain man’. He cranked a handle which created the wind sound, and rotated what looked like a plastic sombrero filled with rice to make rain. Guess you just had to be there. The most memorable character in the play was the Bearded Woman. He was my particular favourite not only for his fake large boobies but also because the voice he used was very similar to Mrs. Doubtfire’s.

One of the funnier parts of the occasion for me personally was this girl who sat by herself, and laughed hysterically in moments of silence.

She must have been captivated by the sensual sounds of what sounded like an accordion

Exit 2nd Banana had a twist as it was the audience who decided who would die, out of two characters. The person that died (this time) was a half man-half lobster with a speech impediment, who wore a fez, and was extremely superstitious.

playing some very rhythmic carny tunes. There were a rough total of twelve people sitting in the audience, including myself, which I’m guessing did not help when the cast of the play where trying to get us involved and found that we did not produce the best “woopah!” on cue. Ceiling and floor lighting were effectively used to distinguish between what was currently happening, and the thoughts inside someone’s head. I was very impressed by the narrator who doubled as ‘the

Overall, I believe the impact of the play would have been far superior if the audience was bigger, as the play depended on audience involvement, and when you’re sitting ten seats apart from each other it was a little embarrassing to shout out things like the cast requested. But the characters were well developed and it was a fun show. Next time there is a play on at the Meteor I recommend you go with a group of friends (unlike me, who sat by myself) and I’m sure you’ll really enjoy it.

González finished up with a poignant cover of Massive Attack’s ‘Teardrops’ and I was left highly impressed by his ability to make the transition performing to a large venue so adeptly. If you haven’t yet heard José, I suggest you check out his debut album ‘Veneer’, also keep an ear out for his side-project Junip who have an EP out shortly.

Dj Shadow + Mos Def 19th July at St James Theatre, Auckland Photos by Matt

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

After Chris Knox had warmed up the audience with a typical jangling mix of weirdities and cutesy pop, González, dressed inconspicuously in khaki, took to the stage and set straight into ‘Deadweight on Velveteen’ without a word of recognition to the Auckland audience. In fact, there was barely any in-between-songs banter as he chugged through tracks from his debut album Veneer. While some might have missed the usual shout-outs to the Laydieees and foreign visitors’ obligatory sheep gags, I found the minimalist approach refreshing, letting the songs themselves do the talking- surely the objective of any songwriter worth their salt.

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Citric

By M. Emery

CD Reviews Liberation Transmission Lost Prophets Reviewed by M. Emery

New Hamilton band The Deadly Deaths will be making their debut at August’s A Low Hum Show in support of Jakob, City City City and Operation Rolling Thunder. The Deadly Deaths, feature a deadly combination of members from Nimbus and Dead Pan Rangers. Self-described as a ‘3 piece band who play their own brand of restrained indie synth pop’, these guys have a deft way with melody and deadly dynamics and I’m looking forward to hearing them live.

Hamilton’s leading Indie Music label/gig promoter, Mole Music have a few shows on around the country next month featuring the sterling talents of Charlie Ash, White Birds and Lemons, Kill Surf City and more exciting bands but alas no Hamilton gig as yet. Keep an eye on the gig guide though for the fabulous shows they have lined up for Auckland that will be well worth traveling to, unless there is something better on here.

For information on the Hamilton music scene past and present have a look at: http://htown.elwiki.com/ Hamilton young rockers Shrift have dissolved into the ether they came from.

Contrary to rumours Gawj have not changed their name to Gwaj. They are still Gawj. (pronounced “Gorge”) Local Brutal Hardcore punks The Warpath have received some fantastic reviews for their Nowhere to Run CD in the Australian press: “Total world hating lyrics combined with tough riffs and catchy mosh parts are what you can expect from this record and seriously it’s not to be fucked with. NZ hardcore. Back on the map!” – brokenglassonline.com Warpath will be hitting Australia with a tour in Spring. For more info check: http://www.thewarpathhc.com http://www.myspace.com/thewarpath Crowded House have apparently reformed with former Trinity Roots/Bic Runga band sticksman Rikki Gooch filling in for the departed Paul Hester, who is now in heaven. There has been no word yet whether this is purely for recording or whether a tour is on the cards. Now if we can just convince Split Enz to play some homeland shows!

Gisborne and Napier Hardcore fanatics Saving Grace and Upheld will be coming through Hamilton for a show at Upsett in September to promote their split CD release. The CD is available in retail stores through Global Routes in August.

Upsett Records have started publishing a newsletter that is available from their shop on Victoria St. Pop in and check them out at 333 Victoria St.

The third album from Welsh Nu-metal survivors Lost Prophets sees a more edgy and emo release than previous efforts. Last album Start Something made serious inroads around the world and Liberation Transmission should see the Lost Prophet’s fanbase expand exponentially. Ths effort takes the best elements of their last release, the anthemic vocals and slick gutars, and pumps them up a bit with a glossy production from Bob ‘Rock’ Rock. There’s no tinny Metallica snares on this sucker. If you like your music emo and popular then you’ll this. If you like Big Black and Minor Threat this would make a good coaster for you.

The Eraser Thom Yorke Reviewed by M. Emery A solo release from Radiohead front man Thom Yorke sees him returning to the electronic soundscapes of Kid A but with more conventional song structures/compositions than on the aforementioned album. The Eraser features nine new tracks and was produced by Nigel Godrich. Bleeps and electronic glitch work colour this album along with Yorke’s distinctive voice. The album has a sparse, spacious feel and brought to mind Radiohead’s ‘Idioteque’, sound-wise. ‘Black Swan’ and ‘Harrowdown Hill’ are both sinisterly hummable tunes and highlights of this album. ‘Harrowdown Hill’ is well worth checking out for the lyrics about a weapons inspector involved in the Iraqi conflict who may or may not have killed himself.

An aggressive paranoid feeling cover more than a few tracks on The Eraser. Overall I’d consider this a pared down Radiohead, so if you’re a fan of that band you’ll know what to expect.

The Gills have been recording their debut album. I spoke to one of them the other day, he said it was going well. He has lied to me in the past though.

Open Mic Night at Fatbellies on Wednesday should be re-commenced in a couple weeks when wapla gets back from rehab.

Hey Wang-Tasters! want to win a copy of the latest Lost Prophets album, Lost Transmission? Of course you do! If you want get your hot sweaty hands on this warm, lubed up copy of Emo goodness then enter the LOST PROPHETS ULTIMATE EMO COMPETITION! All you have to do is send in a picture of yourself dressed up as an Emo and the ultimate EMO will win a copy of this hot exciting album, get your comb and camera and email your pic to nexus@waikato.ac.nz!

By Kazuma Namioka

Rize

Iggy & the Stooges

Directed by: David LaChappelle

Live at the Lokerse Festival

Rize is another excellent documentary from Hopscotch, this time about the dance birthed in South Central, LA, by a big fat professional clown that is now known as ‘krumping’. Those in the film insist this is not a fleeting craze or a fad: that it won’t die. I hadn’t heard of it before hearing of the film itself, and MS Word doesn’t recognise krumping as a real word at all, even in the American-English setting, but maybe New Zealand is just slow on the uptake. Likely, this DVD will change all that: in a month Hamilton bars will be awash with painted faces and furiously jiggling bodies. Dance battles will be replacing the childish pushing and posturing of an over-crowded dance hole. Well, maybe not if they keep playing Smashmouth and that hateful Lauper. Generic hip-hop would be a relief.

This DVD chose to put all the special features in a ‘24 page colour booklet with rare photos and Stooges essay’. The booklet is indeed really quite nice, it’s all glossy like you could read it in the bath (if you needed Iggy in the bath for any reason) and has all the information you ever needed about the band, so I won’t really go into that here. What I will mention is how the DVD rating is an M for offensive language, but there is no mention of the male nudity pervading this show, namely Iggy’s protruding puku forcing down his jeans and revealing at least the top of his crack at all times.

Like those girls with pants on too tight who sit in lecture theatres to reveal their small of the back-tattoo to every row behind them.

That’s how you tell who top of the class is.

The film shows how kids from a self-confessed ghetto found an alternative to gangs. By forming bands of clown-dancing groups they got security and a sense of family. Dancing among themselves or battling rival dancers is serious business; though it may sound stupid to anyone who hasn’t seen Breakdance. When they held a legitimate battle event between two major dance groups the crowd packed out the massive concert hall and were going absolutely nuts, as though the krumpers on stage were curing cancer or AIDS, or perhaps firing bolts of electricity from their fingertips. I found myself getting worked up just sitting and watching this part of the film. Though two contemporary dancers I spoke to (well, one was maybe just an enthusiast) thought krumping seemed to be a whole lot of nonsense, lots and lots of black people can’t be wrong. Right?

Since they were by far the most memorable thing at the Big Day Out this year, I was interested to see how different a show it would be from the one New Zealand got. Answer: well, not that different.

But still plenty entertaining, seeing Iggy crawling ‘round on stage, jumping on stage, dancing on stage, er… all the theatrics are left up to him, and the band doesn’t do much other than play well, though what more could you ask for. There is Iggy’s signature “get the crowd up on stage mid-set and get them to dance around with you and pass the mic around to sing your songs”. There is ‘1969’, ‘Dirt’ and ‘I Wanna Be Your Dog’ twice. It’s great, and yet, no substitute for seeing them right there on stage through the steam rising off the old guys in front.

Reviews

Books Tuvalu

HAVE YOU

READ…

Andrew O’Connor ALLEN AND UNWIN

Reviewed by J. Boyd Noah’s story is coloured by a driftnet of characters cast across the Pacific and stuck to him by spindly webs. Every relationship in this novel is tenuous. This may explain the ever-tilting and ill-making feeling of the entire book. Noah Tuttle’s life is a dull-ache. The whole-story would be a carsick journey if only you could experience

than her fair share of the Aussie version of a stiff upper lip. She exits the room with typical stoicism and this reader was left screaming ‘It wasn’t you! It was him! He’s so lazy!’ It’s almost as if his feelings are afterthoughts used to justify his tremendous inaction.

this same nausea on a flight from Melbourne to Tokyo.

The first-person narration is particularly tough when you are sharing cramped quarters with an emotional retard. Andrew O’Connor’s sometimes awkward phrasing can make living with Noah difficult as well. An over abundance of ‘jutting jaws’ and an amateur use of cliché literary tropes like the Ferris Wheel can be cringesome, but after a laborious introduction of Mami (a wealthy and cruel hotel heiress with an annoyingly over-Westernised beauty) in the beginning of his book, the Australian O’Connor comes up with an earnestly lonely story about a lazy young man teaching English in Japan. The book ends with Noah on the brink of finding his Tuvalu, the Pacific respite that will cure all his (many) ills; and it ends well. In summation, or, in the vernacular, ‘O’Connor’s debut novel is good, but’.

Noah is a young man grappling — in his own lazy way — with questions of love. His inquiry seems strictly theoretical however, given that it is nearly inconceivable that someone like Noah were capable of experiencing such a depth of feeling.

Thankfully, this is not some OE tale of excessive sex with poorly constructed female characters abroad and, for variation, at home. Not only is Noah emotionally incompetent, but he is also lacklustre in the sack: prematurely ejaculating and failing to ejaculate by turns. At one point, having failed to bring their lovemaking to its ‘rightful’ end, his girlfriend Tilly says, ‘It was me.’

She is a redheaded girl with freckles and more

Shanghai Boy RANDOM HOUSE

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

Reviewed by Michelle Coursey

The descriptions in this novel are vivid, but depressing. The city of Shanghai is largely represented as a vast metropolis full of disease, flies, humidity and poverty. A typical passage – “solid, gritty apartment blocks crammed between gritty streets filled with petrol and diesel

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Reviewed by M.Emery Transmetropolitan is a ten-volume collection of graphic novels written by Warren Ellis and illustrated by Darick Robertson. The ten volumes collect the 60 single comics that were published by DC Comics under their Helix and Vertigo Imprints.

The tale is set in a dystopian future and chronicles the exploits of gonzo journalist Spider Jerusalem as he battles corruption and abuse of power that the outgoing and incoming presidents of the United States have inflicted upon the people of America. Spider is a madman of a character, prone to sudden acts of violence and excessive rants. A lot of Spider’s power is in his words as exemplified in the first story arc when he stops a riot with an article. Spider’s character is very much influenced by Hunter S. Thompson, quite possibly taking things up a notch or twelve from what Thompson got away with in his lifetime.

Spider is joined in his adventures by an assortment of supporting characters, chiefly his two assistants, ex stripper/nun turned bodyguard Channon Yarrow and his editor’s goth niece Yelena Rossini. These two are known collectively as the filthy assistants and Spider has them keep his drug supplies well stocked amongst other things.

Stevan Eldred-Grigg

In this New Zealand writer’s latest novel, Manfred Morse, a middle-aged professor facing nervous breakdown, hightails it to Shanghai for a change of scene. While his father dies back home, Manfred seeks out sex and passion with young Chinese men, and finds himself at the centre of a murder enquiry when one of them goes missing.

Transmetropolitan (1997) Warren Ellis

fumes – the pavements slippery with gobs of spit – stump their way north and south”. This is constantly contrasted with the open air of the beaches back here in New Zealand – this kind of comparison takes place the whole way through.

The novel has an air of malaise and dissatisfaction, but it is consistent with the general depression of the main character, so it works.

READ IT IF…You are tired of city-life and want an excuse to head to the beach

Warren Ellis is well known in the comic community for crafting tales based on the future that we are all facing now. Darick Robertson has illustrated these post cyberpunk tales with immense detail; every page is crammed with references to how the world of the future will differ to the world of today. Transmetropolitan is told with wickedly black humour and a lot of that is also in the finer details of Darick’s work.

The ten volumes of Transmetropolitan can be read individually or as a whole for there are many threads that tie together from the first to the last volume. All ten volumes of this series are available from Mark One on Victoria St.

Reviews

Films Superman Returns The art of good storytelling often involves taking something old and giving it a new meaning. The West has long been obsessed with the dichotomy of good versus evil and this current incarnation of American apple pie is no exception. For Jor-El loved the world so much that he gave his only son. Sound familiar? It’s not the only semi-biblical archetype that has been remade in this version of the man of steel.

ultimate MILF. Not content to let go of the past he secretly watches her and her family using his x-ray vision. He might try to do good deeds by day, but at night he’s really a peeping tom and some type of stalker. That he still expects her to have feelings for him is almost obsessive, but naturally this is all glossed over with a paternalistic inability to communicate his feelings, which translates into masculinity because he’s really a nice guy. Lois might be brainy enough to have won a Pulitzer Prize for writing an article entitled ‘Why the world doesn’t need Superman,’ but she’s not bright

who wears his undies on the outside.

Despite the massive franchising towards the kids in the back row constantly whispering ‘Superman’ to each other, this is still family entertainment with a capital ‘F.’ The actual film making is astonishingly good, with fine framing and production values to make the average Kiwi producer green with envy. Who wouldn’t desire a budget larger than our average screen industry’s annual earnings, all for in one hit?

(US$250 million.) Kudos to the set-makers and production team, they’ve done a great job although it’s hard not to see what they haven’t

Lex Luthor is so positively nasty that you’d be forgiven for mistaking him for Satan were it not for his white suit. When Superman falls out of the sky after being pierced by shards of kryptonite he looks particularly Christ-like and combined with his five-year absence and subsequent reappearance, this is just a tad spooky. In fact if we were to remove his super abilities, Superman is actually quite creepy – he leaves Lois without saying goodbye and returns to discover that she’s turned into his

enough to figure out that Clark Kent’s sudden reappearance is completely unrelated to her old lover turning up again like a dose of herpes.

Best not to mention his clever disguise of a pair of decidedly old fashioned glasses either – it must be his newly redesigned flying clothes that fools both her and the audience into thinking that he’s a whole new man capable of that most astonishing feat of all – letting go of the past. If Superman is supposed to be a role model then shoot me now, he’s still a repressed ‘50s guy

stolen from. You could be forgiven for thinking the opening score was Star Wars and the credit sequence comes straight out of Star Trek. The cornfields of Superman’s youth look uncannily like ET’s backyard and Lex Luthor’s luxury yacht has “007 bad guy” written all over it. Still, the music gets you in the end and it pushes all the right buttons, so you know you’re in the hands of professionals.

Worth watching for its clever manipulation of our values, but wait for the DVD.

VILLAGE CINEMAS

Reviewed by Joe Citizen

BROUGHT TO YOU BY:

Tourist Trophy PLAYSTATION 2

Reviewed by Josh Drummond

sort of falls of his bike, flopping on the ground.

The game also suffers the old “bounce off the walls” syndrome that’s existed in every Gran Turismo game ever. Stray off the track on to dirt, and you’ll most likely fall. Clip a wall at 200mph, and you’ll often bounce off like it was nothing.

Tourist Trophy strikes me as a good game, one that would be fun and satisfying if you can put up with its annoying flaws. And you have the patience to play for 200 hours.

Rating: To go in to win a copy of Tourist Trophy, simply email nexus@waikato.ac.nz with a limerick about how badly you get mocked by your mates when playing multiplayer games.

GAMES PLUS - THE NEXT LEVEL: Providing you with all your necessary gaming needs

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

Racing games frustrate me. It takes such a ridiculously long time to finish a modern racing game that it’s not worth the bother.

That said, I had a blast playing Tourist Trophy.

Tourist Trophy is easy to sum up. It’s Gran Turismo with motorbikes. I gave up on the GT series of games long ago – they’re just too long and repetitive. But they’ve made Tourist Trophy a game that’s fun, not because it’s easy to play, but because it’s so brutally, stupidly hard.

You start out in TT with a crap scooter, the equivalent of a crap car in Gran Turismo. Now, in real life, I can ride a scooter. It’s easy. TT

makes it hard. After roughly an hour of falling off in ways that would pulp a real human, you tend to get the hang of the controls. And once you’ve gained some semblance of control, enough to win some races and licenses, the game picks up nicely. Having sardonic mates playing as well makes this stage a hell of a lot more fun – being mercilessly mocked when “failed” for running over a road cone is great, because you get to reciprocate when they screw up hilariously. A standout moment came when one of the guys somehow fell off his bike before crossing the start line.

The graphics are good, as you’d expect, as they’re running on the stellar Gran Turismo 4 engine. But here are plenty of gripes with TT. The game seems to lack a real sense of speed, and crashes are often lame – they guy just

S H O P 1 0 5 , C E N T R E P L A C E M A L L , V I C T O R I A S T, H A M I LT O N · P H O N E 8 3 8 0 8 0 1 XBOX · PLAYSTATION · GAMECUBE · PC · GAMEBOY · DS · PSP · MOVIES · ANIME

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Send your notices of 100 words or less to nexus@waikato.ac.nz, or drop into box at WSU reception. Deadline is 5pm Tues.

FOR SALE Mitsubishi Galant. 89’. 2000cc.

Excellent condition. Selling as is, as it requires minor rust repairs for WOF. $750 o.n.o. Ph 8563586/0210575752 WANTED: Man...who wants to be the flatmate of two females. $110 per week for everything, except Sky and pleasurable unmentionables.

Clean and social flat on a street close to uni.

No druggies, lard arses or lazy spoons.

Alcoholics must remain annonymous.

Phone 856-5667 Flatmate wanted - Ngaere Ave, Chartwell. Rent $93p/w includes power and phone. Nice quiet house, walking distance to chartwell and bus route. To share with 2 guys(1 student, 1 working) and a girl(student), and 2 cats. Contact Veryn 0275346336 or 8533312 Looking for someone clean, friendly and reliable.

Flatmate wanted - female flatmate wanted for 4 bedroom flat with 3 female flatmates. Sunny house across the road from uni on Knighton Rd. Off street parking available. $125 per week all inclusive. Phone 021 104 3522 or 859 3515 Flatmate Wanted! Hamilton East, large room. $90.30 including power and phone. 3 exisiting females 19-20 studying at Wintec. 0273044463, 8584399.

Textbooks for sale: STAT121 - Introduction to Statistical Methods Mind on Statistics - Utts and Heckard (with cd) PAID $102 sell for $60 SMST112 - Video Production 1 Book: Producing Videos A Complete Guide Brand new - selling it cuz I changed my papers.

PAID $47.95, sell for $42.00 Linda - 021405855 or ll176@ hotmail.com (L in small letter, not i)

Opal Nera Competition Well, with the entry count down a bit this week I guess you guys are officially slow at writing haikus. How hard can it be? However, the winners managed it ok. Come and pick up your prize.

Her come nera eyes Of opal meet mine and shine We dance to Shakira

ISSUE 16 / 31 JULY 2006

Johnny M.

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21st birthday Opal Nera shots ready Mmm, licorice Hannah Tealy

This week – get imaginative and write us a cocktail/drink recipe containing the good old Opal Nera. Entries to nexus@waikato.ac.nz.

Club notices Join New Zealand’s 11th largest religion. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. The Hamilton Order of Jedi want you. Email hamiltonjedi@ yahoo.com Fun, fellowship, and friends from different parts of the world ! Come along to International Christian Fellowship on Fridays at 7pm, Lady Goodfellow Chapel (opposite Uni Rec gym). Christians and non-Christians are welcome.

Contact: h_icf@yahoo.com Are you….

Interested in exploring your own spirituality?

Interested in learning about different spiritual perspectives and practices?

Interested in sharing your experiences of being a spiritual being on a human path?

Come and share in our meeting discussions and workshops: Waikato University Pagan Society

This week’s topic: Reiki and energy healing. Wednesdays, 1-2pm in J.B.07 500 Card Tournament Results The winner of this weeks tournament was Anne Leighton, well done!!

We will be holding another tournament on the 9th of August. So keep an eye out for details in the next Nexus.

For Campus Movies info, please check the website at: http://campus-movies.waikato.ac.nz

Ever wondered what an A pass for an assignment would feel like?

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