issue 16 2011

AUGUST 1ST 2011

16

LAW & ORDER 2

LEFT VS. RIGHT

John Key faces off with Phil Goff in a naked battle to the death! Really?

No.

YOUTH LAW

It’s like some tips and advice or whatever, helpful for fully random situations, innit?

CLAMPED/TOWED Ambiguous laws that might give you a loophole to fight The Man

LETTUCE

A weekly parade of your hatemail

1

2

THE

10

CONTENTS 4 6-7 8

EDITORIAL LETTUCE

SPORTS THOUGHTS

11

POLICE REPORT

12

LEFT VS. RIGHT

20

20

WSU PAGES PUZZLES

19-24

ENTERTAINMENT

26-27

FEATURES

28-37

COLUMNS AND REVIEWS

39

22

THE NEWS!

10

14-18

8

BUSTED

26

34

36 3

EDITORIAL

AUGUST 1ST 2011

WITH ART

Every now and then we get a letter from a student (or a non-student pretending to be a student) and I have to read it twice. Not because the grammar is bad, or because the spelling “iz lyk dis”, but because I can barely believe what it is that I am reading.

16

LAW & ORDER 2 Credits: EDITOR: Art Robinson (editor@nexusmag.co.nz)

We get the usual letters: “such and such is a c*nt and I want everyone to know”, or “that bar in town is owned by a c*nt and I want him to die in a fire”. We don’t print these. Why would we? It’s hard enough making a student magazine (with such a wide readership as we have, from all ethnicities and age brackets) without having to worry about the threat of legal action every other day. It’s also hard enough making ends meet when we constantly run the risk of pissing off our advertisers. Who would have thought people with so much power and money would be so thin skinned?

DESIGN: David Nixon (design@nexusmag.co.nz) ADVERTISING: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz)

Every now and then, however, we get called boring.

NEWS EDITOR: James Manning (news@nexusmag.co.nz) FILM EDITOR: Richard Swainson (films@nexusmag.co.nz) BOOKS EDITOR: Kevin Pryor (books@nexusmag.co.nz) GAMES EDITORS: Sash Nixon (games@nexusmag.co.nz)

Really? I expect that we might get called entertaining, rude or crass. People might claim we have too many advertising, that all of our advertising is for shitty bars, or that our advertising preaches on the consumption of liquor in all of its glory.

DESIGN INTERN: Debby Yeung

Contributors Dirty Old Chair Leg, Shannon Rolfe, Loud American Mackenzie McCarty, Judy’s Sweet Legs, Dr Richard Swainson, Owen “Beef” Hinton”, Honest Matt, Kylie Zinsli, Jess Edmonds-Saunders, Danielle Wall, Mrs. Matthews, Jade Carey, Josh Cooper, Daniel Farrell, Sam & Zane,

Boring is not the word I would use.

One needs look no further than C-Ball’s regular feature: Sport’s Thoughts. Swinging between Lenny Bruce and Keith Quinn, C-Ball regularly shocks me with his cutting insight into the world of sports. I don’t even like sports and I still look forward to reading his content every week. He’s a funny guy and he’s got me interested in sports, provided it’s not netball.

Esther Coker, Lauren KB, Mandy Suess-Ryan, Rawinia Judson, Caitlin Hayns, Aaron.Letcher, Kate Cogswell, Monique Hamilton, and Campbell “Ultimate Warrior” Weal.

We have Left Vs. Right, where an unwashed hippy and a too washed National party member do battle on the reg. Things get heated pretty fast, especially when they start calling each other things like fascist or gypsy. Sometimes Kate does need a wash.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

Or at least, we think we are.

Last week, Newsboy Jimmy interviewed a bunch of escorts. We featured an article from a heavy cannabis user. We even had a picture of Slash, tugging at your heart strings to get involved with the wild online world of Nexus.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS

And yet, we’re boring?

PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. WE THINK THAT THESE LITTLE JOKES AREN’T READ BY ANYONE BUT US. AND THAT PERVY GUY IN MY BIO LAB.

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL ads@nexusmag.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT: Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: editor@nexusmag.co.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

I would use many words to describe the content we print. Our columnists work long and hard at their studies/jobs/families and still manage to make interesting columns/ reviews/recipes. So before you decide to call Nexus boring, ask yourself this: are you in a good mood? Go and have a nice cup of coffee, watch some Jeremy Kyle and take a deep breath.

Nexus: a magazine by exciting people, for exciting people.

The internet is cold and unforgiving.

Wolves stalk its wastes. Google only knows

a part of what lies beneath the surface. Evil

viruses, spyware, malware and highly

illegal writings lurk deep in the dark. At

any minute the authorities can kick

in your door and take away your computer. Who knows, maybe they will find things there that you didn’t even know about. One thing is for sure: Nexus loves you. Feel

free to return some of that love by checking out our facebook page. We’re the Nexus magazine that isn’t about crystals and psychic alien contact. Or are we?

Yes we are. Come and check out our website too. You can read the entire magazine online, in its complete, uninterrupted form. And we assure you: reading Nexus online won’t get you sent to prison. Or will it?

get a team together, get active, and get into...

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BASK3v3 E LEAGTBALL UE

social sport INDOOR

3v3 basketball

netball

ENTRIES CLOSE 4 AUGUST

soccer

volleyball

asbsocialsport.co.nz enter online or at the Rec Centre

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JOIN US ON

No, it won’t.

EVERY WEDNESDAY FROM 1PM TO 3PM ORANGA, LEVEL 1 UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO

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5

Lettuce

Please continue to publish controversial articles Nexus, they generally make good (educational?) light reads.

Love and not hate.

Come pick up your $20 UniMart voucher at the Nexus office in the WSU Building.

Refuted!

Write to Win!

Dear “B” Is your life that sad that you must write a letter such as last week’s attack on nexus ? Is the thrill of waiting for a reply the highlight of your miserable existence ?

SEND LETTERS TO: Send your letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

You were guaranteed at least one reply, but I’m guessing you banked on that.

WEEKLY PRIZE:

There are two problems with your letter. Firstly, you question the demographic of the readers?

I’m not sure where you grew up exactly, but you make it sound like some small inbreed hick town, where everyone is forced into church. Here in Hamilton, a remotely civilised city, its not the case, so you are wrong. I know plenty of nonchristians who didn’t grow up this way.

This week there is a prize! Brett from UniMart is kindly offering a $20 voucher to the writter of our letter of the week. Come to the Nexus office in the Student Union Building to collect your prize!

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Word count is limited to 250 words and we will enforce this as we please.

We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be). Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

Nexus has always had articles on Christianity, for or against. More often against, but as a christian, im not offended by that. It’s a way to find out how others are thinking. Grow up, there is a real world out there, and they don’t like the christians of today. Do ask we have been called, and love.

“I like your Christ. I don’t like your Christians.

They are so unlike your Christ.” Ghandi. - you are a prime example of this

Secondly, never insult Nexus. Nexus is the beautiful. Even if occasionally the content is nothing short of worthy for toilet paper when the flat runs out, It is more worthy of publication than a thousand of your letters. If its such a “ stupid, idiotic magazine” then dont read it.

Problem solved.

Seriously Mislead Dear B. To quote your letter, I think it’s you who is “seriously mislead.” I feel the need to counter your claim that “almost all” students at Waikato are Christians. Once-upon-a-time, yes, this was certainly the case. But it’s now the 21st Century, and you should really face the facts.

The majority of my friends are not religious, and having seen the debate that occurs online and in the Nexus, I’m confident this is representative of the student population. I wouldn’t be surprised if the majority of students here are non-religious, but I’ll settle for saying that it’s probably about 50-50.

Your argument for the New Zealand students here being Christian is deeply flawed. So what if kids grew up in Sunday School or youth group?

That doesn’t mean they’re religious today. I for one went to a Christian pre-school, but I’m certainly not a Christian. You might argue a lot of people attend Church, but that doesn’t mean they believe. I know a fair amount who go purely for its social aspect. As one of my favourite sayings goes, ‘Going to Church doesn’t make you Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car’.

And calling this magazine “stupid” and “idiotic”?

Nice move. Paraphrasing what you said, ‘quit bashing Nexus, or no one who reads it will take your argument seriously.’

Sincerley, Luke (see, I have a Biblical name... which also doesn’t make me Christian!)

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A

$20 VOUCHER FROM UNIMART

CONVENIENCE STORE HERE ON CAMPUS

FOOD, DRINKS, SNACKS AND DAILY ESSENTIALS ALL IN ONE FRIENDLY LOCATION 6

We Spent It All On Shoes.

Obviously.

Dear Nexus, Over the years I pick up your magazine on Mondays and thumb through it while mildly paying attention in class. The same boring content with no real substance often disappoints me. I don’t know how many times I have flicked over the WSU pages and read the saaame thing year after year. Do they all get told what to write or are they just unimaginative people?? There are so many interesting things going on but we hear the same shit over and over.

I ask myself how nearly $100,000 of student money can be spent on something so trivial and lacking in real content. Especially when you look at the interesting articles and columns you can read in other university magazines around NZ. I was however, pleasantly surprised with the SODA column. It was great to learn something new and find out what organisations around the Waikato are doing to create jobs for students. I found it very relevant to my situation.

Lets hope this is the start of something great and we will see more interesting content like this from now on :) Anonymous

Former Escort – Successful Student Dear Nexus, Hi I wanted to share my experience and thoughts as a sex-worker. I’m now a 26yr old student and in my last year for bachelors degree here at waikato, the main reason I decided to get a degree was because I was finally over the sex-working industry.

I first became a sex-worker at 18 up in auckland. When I started I was making $100 an hour, and working 3 nights a week. some nights I’d make $800 other nights i’d be lucky enough to make $100. The pay was great and so was the lifestyle. I had so much money, I met some

really awesum crazy friends as well. we would all go to work then afterwards go have a drink at the local bar (the bar guy knew what we did and he was like our own little bodyguard.) I was also introduced to gambling and drugs. I had practically done ALL the A-class drugs except heroirin. anyhoo... I’m going off track...

for me is im living an honest life. I turned my back on all my friends in that life, all the drugs and seriously cleaned up my act. I’m living on minimum student wages and have to budget just like everyone else. I appreciate life and am absolutely grateful I got out when I did.

Anonymous

I worked at a few massage parlours in auckland before I decided to go to australia. went to melbourne and the pay was even better. It was $200 per hour for a standard service (sex and massage) anything else was aditional.

My lifestyle changed so much, I was living the highlife. My clientel were business people, some treated me like princesses others were downright pricks. I eventually moved to brisbane and started working for an escort agency.

Through them I was making $400 per hour and my clientel were the high profile guys with money coming out of their ears. People would book me for 4hrs or all night. I had my own driver and I guess you could say a ‘pimp’ as well (my manager). all calls went to him, I would get a call through the night about a booking, my driver would pick me up, take me to the place and make sure the guy was ligit. All my clients were regulars to the agency so I was fine.

I got out of the sex-working business at 23yrs old. During that time I had seen a lot. Three of my friends died from a drug overdose, one of my friends was found floating in the Yarra river in melbourne. They never did find the person that did it. I became a heavy drug addict and gambler. I had been treated like shit so often that I developed a wall and couldn’t trust any guy. I was living two lives and was losing track of my lies. My personality changed as well.

Although I was very confident in my looks and

Love Yourself!

Dear atheists, We get it. Seriously, we do. I love your work, but put down The God Delusion, pour some water on that burning Bible, take Richard Dawkins’ penis out of your mouth. You’re no different to the rest of us, and nobody likes an arrogant prick. Your religious position doesn’t bother me in the slightest, but your attempts to make people of a denominational disposition miserable are just annoying.

Go to church once in a while, sing a hymn or two, get involved in the whole spirit of the thing, if you’re not upset by that term. Nobody will mind. We like you to be comfortable. See, there’s no need to bash Christians or persecute Jews, or have a go at Muslims. You’re in the moral position you’re in, so enjoy it. Religious folk don’t have to go to a special building to praise someone, but they like to anyway. You get a special feeling walking into a house of the Lord, if you recognize it. Technically, your house is His too.

Homeless people are excluded from this one.

You lot don’t have houses.

If we wanted to argue with Catholics, we would.

I could throw fossils at the Pope, and hear him

knew I could practically get any guy I wanted, I also just felt like a piece of meat. I never trusted guys and everyone that I met I felt they only wanted me for one thing, and I felt I was only ever good at one thing. My self-esteem went down and I would revert to drugs for a boost.

explain how God works in mysterious ways. Hey, maybe he does! Maybe, just maybe, all those logical contradictions you’re all banging on about are simply bad coding. Maybe Universe 1.1.3 is still in beta? You don’t know what he’s thinking, if he’s thinking it at all.

anyhoo.... gosh I could go on and on about my experience as a sex-worker. I guess what I wanted to really share is I’m now out of the business and now I love my life. I’m a better person now and the most important thing

Just chill. We like you. God likes you. Richard Dawkins’ accountant LOVES you. Just love yourself.

Sincerely, Sapionormative.

7

THE NEWS!

PRESIDENTIAL PUNCHUP

AIMEE GULLIVER (CRITIC MAGAZINE, DUNEDIN)

SUPPORT LOCAL ROLLER DERBY!

Otage Univeristy Student Association President Logan Edgar was assaulted by a member of ACT on Campus shortly before entering his prison cell, where he spent two days protesting against VSM.

Come along to Cubbyhole to support the NZ Roller Derby Team in their efforts to raise money get to Toronto for the Roller Derby World Cup this coming December!

The altercation began when Edgar screwed up a protest sign that a female member of the ACT group was holding, tossing it in the direction of a man who then turned violent. The man grabbed Edgar by the throat, and “pushed me up against the cage violently, then threatened to knock me out,” Edgar said.

From 7:30pm onwards expect a derby filled karaoke competition, anyone can enter, and with each drink you buy you can vote for your favorite!

Recreation Representative Sarah van Ballekom was on hand to act as Edgar’s knight in shining armour and broke up the altercation. “I was 99% sure he wasn’t going to punch a woman,” she says, “and being the PE student that I am, I put my body on the line and then politely told the guy to fuck off.”

Before and after the karaoke there will be some awesome live bands: Absynthia and the Riot, Ryan Kershaw Band, and Rosetta Stone.

Ballekom fondly described Edgar as “a helpless duckling who needs nurturing,” especially after “his mum made me promise I would look after him. When his safety was threatened I took on the protector role.” Despite this, Edgar claimed that “I was much bigger than the guy. All my bicep curls at Unipol had prepared me well for the altercation, so I wasn’t scared at all.”

Get tickets from Under The Radar now, where there’s $10 presales (which includes a free drink!), otherwise $10 on the door.

According to van Ballekom, the ACT member “came out of nowhere, and was really fucking angry – all over a crappy sign that lacked any sort of creativity.”

Members of the ACT group present at the time, soothed by some hot chocolate after the incident, described the individual as having “gone rogue,” and apologised profusely for his behaviour. Edgar says he is “still waiting” for an apology from the individual concerned.

The event made national media, with TV3 and the Otago Daily Times both covering the incident.

Edgar confirmed that he had spoken to Police but had elected not to press charges over the incident.

Post-assault, Edgar called a friend to bring down his golf club, which he kept in the cage over the next two nights “for protection.” This may have been a wise move, as it is not the first time he has been the victim of an assault. While cycling on the Taieri in July last year, Edgar and a friend were driven off the road and abused by two women – resulting in a broken hand and stolen bike for Edgar. Critic speculates that Edgar just has one of those faces that makes people want to hit him.

There will be a tonne of prizes up for grabs.

And if that wasn’t enough to get you in there, Big Jay Barrack will be MC’ing the whole night!

LOCAL LOOKER LOVES LIKES! Cory Marrow, a Hamilton based beauty and make up specialist, is in the running for a shot at being a magazine cover girl.

Miss Marrow, who you may have met during her work for Soundscape, is currently in the running to feature on the cover of Juiced Magazine, a car enthusiast magazine printed and published throughout New Zealand and Australia.

To vote, just follow the link that Nexus will put up on Monday, on the Nexus facebook page and website. www.nexusmag.co.nz PHOTO BY BROOK MILLER

Warrant of Fitness due?

ard to Bring in your StudentC

Save $5

And, if you come in on a Tuesday during August you’ll collect 10 Fly Buys Points

Go to www.vtnz.co.nz or call 0800 88 88 69 to find your nearest VTNZ

Fitness on your Warrant ofThu rs) (on Tues, Wed &

Ten Point Tuesday offer valid from 2 to 30 August 2011. Cannot be used in conjunction with any other VTNZ Fly Buys promotion.

8

VE15124 Student Ad-3.indd 3

VE15121

25/07/11 1:02 PM

HAMILTON YOUTH TO BE CELEBRATED IN RECOGNYZ YOUTH AWARDS 2011

PRESS RELEASE

Well-deserved recognition and $2000 dream dollars are up for grabs for Hamilton’s top young achievers, with nominations now open for the Recognyz Youth Awards 2011.

From talented musicians and awe-inspiring artists, to strong leaders and cutting-edge innovators, the annual Recognyz Youth Awards showcase the amazing and often unnoticed contributions that young people aged 12-24 years make to Hamilton.

Nominations for this year’s awards close on 12 August, with an awards night to be held at Founders Theatre on Friday, 30 September. As well as winners in seven award categories, one finalist will be presented

WE DID DO AN INTERVIEW BUT WE PUBLISHED A PRESS RELEASE

Calling themselves the Eighties Babies, Tony “Tommy” Stevens and Mitch “Chucky” Hyde will travel to Queenstown on August 16 we travel to Queenstown to join the Cure Kids $10 Queenstown to Auckland Challenge. Before this is possible we need to raise at least $7,125 for the Cure Kids charity and this is where we need YOUR HELP! Okay so we are not really babies but we still act like them, apart from when it comes to helping Kiwi kids. Personally we want all Kiwi kids to be able to enjoy running around the backyard with their arms outstretched pretending they are Superman, just like we did (and still do).

with the Supreme Award and receive $2000 towards furthering their aspirations. Throughout the night a line-up of local youth acts will take to the stage.

As well as being cheeky reporters we are both successful athletes, and have a staunch competitive spirit. We won’t give up or slack off no matter how much the odds are stacked against us.

Hamilton City Council Acting Social Development Advisor Hannah Banks said the Recognyz Youth Awards 2011 are an opportunity to showcase local youth in a positive light and will build on the momentum that the annual awards have achieved over the past seven years.

Kitted out in Eighties Babies costumes we aim to tug on the heartstrings of the New Zealanders we meet along the way and draw attention to the fundamental reason for this race: giving kids a chance at life. Riding our trikes and sporting our dummies there is no doubt we will be the most charismatic duo galavanting around the nation for this fantastic cause.

“All too often our city’s youth receive negative publicity, however the reality is that there are plenty of young people who are achieving amazing things and making huge contributions to Hamilton,” she said.

“The Recognyz Youth Awards 2010 were a true celebration of our young people – acknowledging the achievements of over 60 nominees, local design and film students, Students Against Driving Drunk and the success of our amazing finalists in front of a crowd of several hundred people.

Will we rest on our laurels when we hit the $7,125 target? Hell no! Our goal is to raise at least $20,000. The more we raise the more kids we save.

PLEASE jump on board the Eighties Babies wagon and support this fantastic cause. Little lives depend on it.

To donate and for more information about this inspiring cause please go to:

“This year promises to be even bigger and better, so if you know someone aged between 12-24 years who is doing great things in Hamilton then make sure you get your nomination in.”

http://www.fundraiseonline.co.nz/EightiesBabies/

The seven award categories for the Recognyz Youth Awards 2011 are: • Manaakitanga – for community involvement and volunteering • Youth 4 Youth – for leadership of other young people • Innovation – for innovative and creative ideas and projects • Dream Team – group award for community involvement and volunteering • Beat Street – for achievement in arts, music and culture • Kia Kaha – for overcoming adversity • Enviro – for outstanding contributions to the environment and/or sustainability of Hamilton Visit www.hamilton.co.nz/recognyz to make an online nomination or email hannah.banks@hcc.govt.nz for a nomination form.

9

SPORTS THOUGHTS

TEST MATCH CRICKET WOMEN, START UNDRESSING.

WITH C.BALL

When the world implodes and aliens sift through the rubble of what our human existence leaves behind, I hope they come across a video reel of test match cricket. Sitting here, watching it now,

Winehouse wouldn’t mind sipping on. Too soon?

Not soon enough. But, I digress. In this simple process where step one involves getting maggot as, step two follows in the form of sitting your ass

I can’t help but truly admire a contest between teams that is pitched over five days. Who the fuck even had the mental capacity to create such a concept? If the man had lived at a time when sorting your beef at the Outback required a sword, such audacious thinking would’ve resulted in him being burned alive for witchcraft, or even worse, getting a black x through his entry stamp to the local. Yet here we are, lucky to be alive in a day and age that has such a sport.

down and watching the test match in action. I don’t doubt for a second that you will enjoy it, and maybe find yourself respecting what is on the screen.

Bare with me guys, because this is about to get deep. I understand cricket is not your average person’s cup of tea, let alone a five day marathon where if you want to tune in you either have to be severely devoted or unemployed. But if you set aside a day (or at least a few hours to watch) you will see a sport with more tension than a wristy without lube. For those of you that didn’t know, cricket has many forms, the pinnacle being the five day concept. The objective of the game block the fuck out of the ball for as long as you can until you either a) bore your opponent to death or b) edge through the slips like me on the way to a semi-impressive score. Then, you make your opponent do the same, naturally sending down some chin music and talking smack in the field to try wind them up.

Now, I must admit, this could be the grizzly talking. It also leads me to my next point – for everyone that doesn’t like test cricket, go get fucking wasted. Oh too many swear words, boo hoo, forgive me for not apologising for corrupting your mind. Getting back on task, not everyone is esteemed to the point of chewing tobacco, so what it is you choose to waste yourself on is up to you. Booze, pingas, Chronic, budsicles or maybe even a cocktail Amy

10

My ‘get maggot and watch test match cricket’ theory is based upon analysis conducted in my own spare time, which is a fancy way of saying one day my flatmate came up to me and let me in on his recent experience of watching budsicled cricket.

One who had never been much of a fan of the sport, he was suddenly interested in games between two neutral teams we had no support for. That’s when you know something has got to be good. And I find myself having to concur. I’ve loved cricket for the majority of my life, but never have I truly appreciated watching the five day version until I was... inhibited. Ordinarily, blocking a ball for five days might not seem like such an interesting or testing thing. But when you pay attention to the details - the ball bowled, pace at which its travelling, the time the batsman has to react and chose the right shot, the internal pressure every player is dealing with whether he has been out of form and needing a big score to keep his place in the team or one of the stars who is required to contribute and contribute substantially, all these things add up to create a package I don’t believe you could find in many other sports.

Then add to that the concentration required to maintain a level of performance over five whole days. I think I just fell in love all over again. So, I’m going to go outside and bury a time capsule with some test match cricket footage for the aliens.

They deserve to see something worthwhile that humans have created. Along with that I’ll add in the youtube video ‘shane bond yorker’. I dare you to watch it without getting at least slightly rubbery.

HAMILTON EAST POLICE REPORT

23 JUNE - 7 JULY 2011

WITH CONSTABLE NICK SICKELMORE

LEGEND: BURGLARY THEFT EX CAR ASSAULT

11

A QUICK ONE-TWO

LEFT JAB WITH KATE Who is John Key? It’s hard to believe the man didn’t enter this world in suit and tie with that stupid smile on his face. It is not clear when Slippery John sold his soul but official estimates place it around the time his money and power driven existence began. Raised in a state house by a solo mum in a healthy social welfare system, one is forced to ask, “John, where are your manners?”

Apparently adept at defying women who demand respect, John betrayed his mother’s Labour. I like to think of Jewish-born Ruth, who fled Austria before the Nazi invasion as a Helen Clark/Camp Mother figure.

Unfortunately she spawned the devil incarnate. Even as a child Damien John was hell-bent on becoming both a millionaire and Prime Minister of New Zealand. Look mate I’m sorry, but your parents did not pack up and ship out, leaving their lives behind so that you could mince around like you own the place.

John received a free tertiary education, studying the dollars he loved so well and graduating in a time of, get this, available jobs! Now he’s rich enough to retire and ‘oh look at me, I’m Prime Minister anyway’, jobs aren’t really important at all. Not all work is created equally, there’s labour and then there’s Forex trading. The difference is actually doing something in exchange for money or using money to build more money. Your mother never had that chance.

RIGHT CROSS WITH MR LETCHER Who is Phil Goff?

This weeks question was “who is Phil Goff?”, but I think a more important question is, who really cares? One can be forgiven for not knowing too much about the man who can’t even make it to double digits in the preferred Prime Minister polls as his party fights a losing battle to remain relevant. No need to worry. Phil Goff is a man who has been asked to do the unthinkable. To lead a party coming out of an election defeat, and to be the face for every policy he has opposed.

Furthermore, he must oppose the very policies he has continually promoted throughout his career, policies that he must know are right for both New Zealand’s people and our economy.

Over the past 2 years Labour have criticised National on several issues.

When National increased GST by 2.5% they were hurting the poor and favouring the rich. When National signed free trade agreements they were selling out New Zealand industry and driving unemployment.

Finally, when National announced that if they are successful at the 2011 election they will partially privatise certain state assets they were looking our for their ‘rich mates’ and letting down households.

In 1989 we saw GST increase from 10% to 12.5%, a 2.5% increase identical to Nationals. Who brought this in? Labour, supported by Phil Goff. Around the same time Labour enthusiastically sold of 100% of state owned assets such as NZ Steel, Petrocorp, Postbank, Rural Bank, State Insurance, Maui Gas and Telecom. Not only were these assets sold off, they were sold off indiscriminately to the highest bidders, the majority of whom were foreigners. Who avidly supported this?

Phil Goff, and his old mate Roger Douglas. Not a ‘stop asset sales’

Is this the kind of person you want running our country? Are these real people to you John? “I think so”. Well I don’t think so. Unlike you John, we’re not worth $50 million. We don’t own five properties including a Hawaiian holiday home and don’t even get me started on your dairy company investments. People and the planet mean nothing to our Prime Minister. He could burn New Zealand to the ground and keep on smiling.

sign in sight. Finally, Phil Goff has argued that free trade agreements are selling out New Zealand workers, destroying NZ industry, and driving unemployment. Funny how he wasn’t singing that tune while he signed New Zealand’s largest free trade agreement with China as Minister of Trade.

This is who Phil Goff really is – a sham of a man who stands for whatever he thinks will bring in the votes, even if this goes against everything he believes in. He is 100% committed to doing what’s best for the Labour Party, but I can’t say the same about his commitment to New Zealand. This is the reason why he will never be Prime Minister and will forever remain Fill in Phil, that guy who kept the chair warm while Labour waited for its next real leader to emerge.

Perhaps after his landslide defeat in November Phil can resign from the Labour Party and go to that place where old politicians go to die, the ACT Party. Reunited with his old mate Roger Douglas at last. I’m going to take an unusual step here and say that if you’re a left leaning

Oh right. Selfish, rich fucks.

student and reading this, vote Green – at least they know what they stand for.

He was however, good at what he did. At Elder’s Finance, John and his workmates were described as “absolutely horrible people to manage… from petulant children one minute to a school of aggressive piranha the next”. Those who succeeded in the field were very self-confident and forceful, what others would call arrogant. In an interview at this time the smiling assassin was asked; “Is it real money to you?” and his dim reply contained the words, “I think so”.

12

Teaching Excellence Awards

Nominations open for 2011 The University of Waikato supports and encourages teaching excellence.

Students and staff are encouraged to nominate teachers who they think do an outstanding job for a teaching award in 2011.

Those teachers who receive at least five separate nominations will be considered for an award. You may nominate as many teachers as you wish, but can only nominate each teacher once.

To complete a nomination form, visit www.waikato.ac.nz/hrm/nomination. It’s easy and only takes a couple of minutes.

Nominations close on Friday 2 September 2011.

Bold Ideas. Smart People. Unlimited Ambition.

Whakaaro PĹŤkenga. Hinengaro Koi. Pito Mata Mutunga Kore.

0800 WAIKATO www.waikato.ac.nz 13

The Vice President MÄ ori position on the Board of Directors is now vacant The Board is now seeking expressions of interest for this position.

If you are interested in applying, send your CV and a one-page cover letter to Deni at president@wsu.org.nz

14

PREZ SEZ November 26th is a date that you should all put in your diaries. Why? Because November 26th is election day 2011: the day the country goes to the polls to elect our parliamentary representatives over the next three years.

For those who don’t already know who they are going to vote for, there are heaps of things you should do between now and November 26. First, you need to make sure you’re enrolled to vote: check out www.elections. org.nz or call 0800 36 76 56 and make sure you are on the electoral roll: if you’re not, then you won’t be able to vote on election day!

Once you’re on the electoral roll, start having a think about which parties and candidates best represent the views that you have about what would make New Zealand a better place.

Check out newspapers and party websites, and come along to meet the candidates sessions around town – often these occur at

WITH DENI

University, so keep an eye on your email and on Nexus to see if any politicians are coming to visit.

This year’s election will also be an interesting one in that we will not only vote for our favoured parties and electorate candidates, but also on whether or not to keep MMP as our electoral system. There are heaps of opinions out there on this issue so check them out: good places to start are www.campaignformmp.org.nz and www.voteforchange.org.nz. I’m quite keen to organise a mini-debate on which of the two is a better system; if you’re keen to be involved in this, then email me and we can go from there!

For those who are interested in politics, don’t forget that many of the major political parties have youth wings on campus that you can belong to, or just have a chat to members to find out what their party is all about.

VP MĀORI SPEAK

Tena koutou everyone No Pipiwai ahau.

My name is Priscilla Ngatai and I am the interim VP Maori for WSU. The WSU Board put me into the role in an acting capacity to make sure that vital relationships were still maintained and that important duties were still fulfilled during this time of change.

For those who don’t know, I come from Te Taitokerau (up north), where the sun shines a little longer on Aotearoa (NZ), from a little valley called Pipiwai. My father was born on the shores of Te Mahia, Ngati Kahungunu; my mother comes from Ngatihine, Ngapuhi.

Although we have been raised in Te Taitokerau, our family has close connections with the University of Waikato. I have two bothers that have completed their degrees here in Law and Psychology, my youngest brother is a Maori mentor while completing his degree in Science & Engineering (kia ora Ramsay), my sister Mylene is the Maori Consultant for Law, while completing her LLB/BMS, and I have a beautiful niece

Deni Tokunai WSU President

027 5734241 president@wsu.org.nz

Whatever you do, make sure that you make your voice count! Make sure you’re enrolled so that you can vote if you want to, and if you have some time, spend an hour or two flicking through the various parties’ and candidates’ pages so that you can make an informed vote to create the New Zealand that you want.

WITH PRISCILLA

studying science & biology and management (way to go Te Rina). Last but no way the least – my mother completed her masters at SMPD last year.

Week one in the interim VP Maori role has been busy with attending Te Waiora’s SGM which resulted in a new committee (congrats), and catching up with Maori Student Groups on campus. I also travelled to Tokoroa last week with Tammy (International Director) and Charlie (VP) to check out the awesome facilities for “Noho Marae” on 12 – 13th August at Papa o Te Aroha Marae in Tokoroa (register at the WSU reception before July 29). This event only costs $10 for students to attend which includes transport, accommodation, food and most important a marae experience to remember. Workshops are being hosted by Waiariki Institute Maori students who will share their talent with attending students. So come along and enjoy our Maori culture. As of Wednesday there were only a few tickets left, so make sure you come in as soon as possible: they may in fact already be sold out!

Priscilla Ngatai Interim Vice-President Māori Waikato Students’ Union 027 2065126 vpmaori@wsu.org.nz

15

DIRECTOR INTRO: CHAMANTHIE SINHALAGE

Many students will no doubt be pleased to know that the vacancies created by the departure of Holly Neilson and Daniel Morales from the Board earlier this year have now officially been filled. As a result, here is an introduction to one of our two new directors: Chamanthie Sinhalage Hi everyone, my name is Chamanthie, and I am in my fifth year of a Law and Arts degree majoring in Public Relations and Political Science. I am also one of the two new Directors on the WSU Board.

I am looking forward to an exciting Semester, helping students get the most out of University life. I have been heavily involved with clubs and societies during my time at Waikato, and this has made a huge difference to my overall experience here. Last year, I started a society of my own– which has been the most incredible adventure yet. I have met some amazing people, gotten the chance to represent the University at various tournaments and have generally had a blast!

Here at Waikato, we have a great tradition of women being involved in all areas of student life, as leaders, team players and supporters

Another great thing about Waikato is how diverse it. Diversity is fantastic and it brings so much flavour to our University. Having been lucky enough to have lived in Sri Lanka and China and home-stayed in France over the years to see it all first-hand, I am keen to raise the profile of international and cultural groups on Campus to make sure that you are involved and heard.

I am looking forward to getting to know as many of you as possible this year so feel free to say hi or drop by with any ideas you may have!

and I want to work to continue this. This year I have helped to organise a Women in Leadership evening to facilitate dialogue between young women in leadership roles within the community. In continuing the Women’s Affairs portfolio, I would like to see more exciting women’s events and discourse happening here on Campus.

BOARD TALK

EXPRESSIONS OF INTEREST SOUGHT FOR VICE-PRESIDENT MĀORI POSITION Are you keen to be involved in the governance of your student union? Interested in making sure that Māori issues are brought to the Board’s attention? Keen to develop links and relationships with Māori clubs and societies on campus, and to represent their concerns?

If so, then consider putting in an application for the Vice-President Māori Position.

As most of you will have read last week in Nexus, the Vice-President Māori position on the WSU Board is now vacant. Given the original demand from students for this position, the Board feels that it is important that it does not remain vacant for the rest of the year. As a result, the Board is officially calling for expressions of interest from students who are interested in the role.

As you may have guessed, this job involves representing Māori issues on campus.

Your job would be to make sure that Māori interests are put forward and discussed.

You often have a lot to do with the Pro-Vice Chancellor Māori Office, as well as with the 16

various Māori Rōpū on campus. In terms of workload, the Vice President Māori is a half full-time position (about 20 hours per week) and is currently paid $15000 per annum.

If you are keen to apply, then email Deni at president@wsu.org.nz. As the Board believes it is important that the work of the position is carried out in the meantime, current board member Priscilla Ngatai has been appointed as interim Vice-President to make sure that crucial relationships are not lost in this time of transition.

Any student is welcome to apply for the position. Given that this is a time of change, we are also interested in hearing from you about what you think the role of the VicePresident Māori is on campus. If you have any thoughts on this then we would love to hear from you, so email president@wsu.org. nz with your ideas!

WSU NEWS

ELECTIONS, AGM AND STUDENT CONSULTATION IN B SEMESTER

B Semester is traditionally an important part in the WSU’s annual decision-making process, complete with the Annual General Meeting (AGM), presentation of the WSU audited accounts, passage of the WSU Budget for the following year, and the WSU Annual elections, when the President, Vice-President and Vice-President Maori, and Director positions are all up for grabs.

All of these events are a key way in which you as students are most definitely welcome to be involved. For instance, all WSU members (University of Waikato students are automatically WSU members by default) are entitled to stand for election; consequently, if you are interested in being more involved in student politics, and think you have some good ideas on how to make WSU better, then put your hand up and run for election this year! Be on the lookout in Nexus for the dates for when nominations open if you want to run.

All students are also welcome to come along to the WSU AGM, which is where the WSU presents its annual accounts for the previous year (other years’ accounts are available on the WSU website: www.wsu.org.nz). The AGM is also where the WSU puts forward a budget for the following year, which members at the AGM then vote on whether to approve.

A key part of the process is also WSU’s ongoing consultation with students. We spend a great time of time and effort meeting up with and discussing with you what you think about the WSU and how it should meet its objectives next year. We are always interested to hear what our members have to say about where the organisation should be going, so if you are keen to be involved in this consultation process, send an email to vp@wsu.org.nz to find out how you can be involved.

Waikato

YOUNG LABOUR Come along to reestablish our Waikato Uni branch!

Labour believes in a fair deal for everyone.

We stand for social justice and equality.

Ideas are what drive and change the world.

They create futures, and that’s what we’re about.

WHERE: S.G.01 - S Block, Ground Floor, Room 1 WHEN: 1-2pm Wednesday, 3 August 2011 CONTACT: waikato@younglabour.org.nz

Authorised by Chris Flatt, 160 Willis St, Wellington

17

CALL FOR

ENTRIES

REUSE, RECYCLE AND RECREATE A UNIQUE GARMENT FROM WASTE WE THROW AWAY EVERY DAY. -Grab an entry form from-

The Body Shop, Ward Street Centre Place Customer Service Desk ReStore reception 29 Bryant Road www.restylehamilton.co.nz

AWARDS EVENING 10.09.11

18

Editor’s Note: The Magic 8-Ball was deemed TOO INSANE last week and

WITH MADAME KERBALICIOUS

sentenced to be Kate Cogswell’s test-bunny for the legal high feature. The

Taurus: April 21 – May 21

following is the result. Blame Kate Cogswell. It’s all her fault. Demonic entities

You’ve been waiting for the right moment for so long now that your legs are getting a bit numb and your arse went to sleep months ago and you can’t quite remember what you’re meant to be waiting for first place. But wait (again)! There it is! Quick! Kick it!

Kick it in the fucking face! Now work over the balls! Go! Go! Your politico-scope for the week: Ed Miliband

shouldn’t get high. It’s bad for business. - Art

Look man, don’t be scared. I may come from another dimension, but, like, that’s cool man. I brought some lentils and they haven’t even been touched by unnatural products.

They’re, like, super smooth. This one time, I ate an apple and there was a worm in it. So I totally apologised to the worm for eating his house and then built him a new house from eco-friendly plastics.

Should there be more police in New Zealand?

Like, No! There’s already too many here. They’re always touching our stuff and taking our stash. The way I see it, police aren’t bullies in uniform.

That’s a common misconception. They were bullied at school and the only way they know how to deal with it is to become policemen, in the hope that one day they get to pull over a car driven by their tormentors, find the suspect horribly drunk and bring him to justice in some kind of karmic justice, man.

Should I buy my own clamp and deploy it for the lols?

NO! That would totally be a stink thing to do, man. How would you like it if someone came and put a clamp on YOUR car? However, I know people who would suggest this as an action against the oppressive regime of the clampers themselves. All you have to do is park your car in a clamping zone, wait until the people turn up to clamp you and then clamp their car while they’re distracted. Ghandi would have done it, but you can’t really clamp a cow. And also cow’s are totally sacred bro.

Are bouncers in Hamilton too violent?

YES! They should greet all of their customers with a smile and a hug.

Checking ID is like, totally fascist man. You gotta spread the love, not the Mark of the Beast. I was at a party with a guy called Mark Beast once. He didn’t smoke pot, but he was still a pretty cool dood.

Anyways..... where was I? Oh yeah, all bouncers should give out hugs and high fives, instead of just asking for ID. This isn’t Soviet Russia bro.

Are lawyers really just money hungry scumbags?

NO! You can’t just, like, lump everyone together like that man. Some lawyers might, like, fight for the rights of carrots and peas and stuff, so that makes them righteous in the eyes of Gaia. So, yeah, lawyers should just fight for the rights of carrots.

Gemini: May 22 – June 21 You’re at that stage in your life where you realise all your pals are actually quite stink cunts. Toss them to the swarming serfs below.

Your politico-scope of the week: David Cameron.

Cancer: June 22 – July 23 Your reputation as a good person has brought on all kinds of irritating little fuckers trying to hang out with you and declare that you and they “are m8s”. Let them down by returning favours in a passive-aggressive manner. Hour-long chat? Slash it to 30 mins.

Ceremonial wahaika? Shitty prop sword from the Warner Bro’s cupboard. Your politico-scope of the week: Barack Obama.

Leo: July 24 – Aug 23 The financial expectations of your social circle are becoming an unbearable weight, and repeated claims that you’ve “got this shit under control, m8s” don’t seem to be calming them. Your politicoscope for the week: John Key.

Virgo: Aug24 – Sep 23 You’ve been looking for them since November 2008, but they were there all along. You just had to believe. And reach around a bit.

Your politico-scope for the week: Phil Goff. BONUS: Your jam of the week: Q Lazzarus – Goodbye Horses.

Libra: Sep 24 – Oct 23 Despite your best efforts to make new friends, you find your toxic personality keeps bubbling to the surface, melting off your fleshlike covering and revealing the cold, heartless robo-man beneath.

Your politico-scope for the week: Don Brash.

Scorpio: Oct 24 – Nov 22 Try taking yourself more seriously this week. It’s a fine line between being able to laugh at yourself and admitting that you’re a punchline. Your politico-scope for the week: Peter Dunne..

Sagittarius: Nov 23 – Dec 21 Some things do not concern you. All of the things, in fact. Your politico-scope for the week: Heather Roy.

Capricorn: Dec 22 – Jan 20 Vroom! Vroom! Honk! Honk! Choo choo? Fuck off! Your politico –scope for the week: Stephen Joyce.

Aquarius: Jan 21 – Feb 19 At least you exist. Not many people can say that. Your politico scope for the week: Paul Goldsmith.

Pisces: Feb 20 – Mar 20 Lately the sneaking suspicion that you are surrounded by seatwarming gibbons has grown into a lumbering hunch. Your politico-scope for the week: Len Brown

Aries: Mar 21 – Apr 20 You feel insignificant. People you once knew and loved no longer call, or even recognise you. The fridge is empty, the house silent.

You walk the windy shore alone. You leave no footprints. Your politico-scope for the week: Rodney Hide.

19

DANIEL FARRELL COMMEMORATIVE

Puzzle Page

Brought to you by Mighty Strong Friends of Nexus; Event Cinemas and Frozen Coke Smugglers

Last week, Nexus was entitled “Law and Order”. I wish I had known this. There is one thing I will be adding to the word find this week relating to that. So again, I have a lack of themes for this week. So because I’ve been reading a whole lot of books recently, I’m going to do one on terms relating to linguistics. And if you don’t like it, email puzzles@nexusmag.co.nz with ideas for themes!

THE BIG BAD wordFIND

the wORDS ADJECTIVE ADVERB ANALOGY ANTONYM DENNY CRANE ONOMATOPOEIA

WHAT TO DO The Furious Puzzle Page

(seriously, it’s pretty darn cross) Brought to you by the strong mind of Event Cinemas, in both Chartwell and Centreplace flavours! Mmmmm, delicious frozen coke!

Be warned, this is the most difficult puzzle page ever!

20

SUDOKU TIME

AUTEUR HOUSE

TALES FROM TINSLETOWN

WITH RICHARD SWAINSON

WITH JADE CAREY

Alfred Hitchcock is prime candidate for the title of greatest commercial director of all time. Many of his peers and untold of his successors, of course, made more money, a few had marginally longer

Amy Winehouse died suddenly last weekend. Her body was found Sunday (NZST) or 3.45pm Saturday (local time) in her flat in Camden, North London on the 23rd of July. Friends told the Sunday newspaper that her death came the morning after “one final Friday night binge.”

careers and some even have a higher critical reputation. However, Hitchcock alone enjoyed a half century of success with public and critics alike. No other director who wasn’t otherwise an actor had such a media profile. Little wonder then that he became the darling of the French auteurists for Hitchcock was the definition of director as public personality in an age where even multiple award winners like John Ford or William Wyler were largely unknown outside the film industry itself.

With distinctively rotund features and cockney accent, Hitchcock was as recognisable in interviews as he was in cameo appearances in his own movies. What really cemented his celebrity reputation though were his to-camera introductions to his 1950s/1960s television series “Alfred Hitchcock Presents” and “The Alfred Hitchcock Hour”.

So amusing and deadpan is the fat Londoner that it is a wonder that he never acted professionally. The scripts might not have been written

by Hitchcock himself but they were tailored to his known enthusiasm for black comedy and the macabre. One introduction, for example, has him examining a shrunken head, claiming that collecting them is a long term hobby (perhaps we should alert Te Papa).

Hitchcock also has a lot of fun at the expense of advertisers.

References to the sponsor’s need to interrupt the narrative usually drip with sarcasm. For the consumerist 1950s this satirical approach to advertising was brave indeed.

The shows themselves rated highly at the time and still stand up today.

While Hitchcock himself only directed a handful of episodes per season those that he did were typically excellent, minimalist examples of the master’s art.

The very first instalment of “Alfred Hitchcock Presents” is a case in point. Ralph Meeker - about to taste big screen stardom in Robert Aldrich’s noir masterpiece “Kiss Me Deadly” - is excellent as a new husband driven to the point of violence when it appears that wife Vera Miles has been indecently assaulted. The clarity of Hitchcock’s vision and the intensity of the performances - particularly from Miles, a protege who later featured in his “The Wrong Man” and “Psycho” - are first rate.

Her mother Janis admitted to the Daily Mail that she thought her daughter’s death was “only a matter of time,” following a meeting with her the day before she died. She said, “She seemed out of it. But her passing so suddenly still hasn’t hit me.” After their meeting the pair kissed on Janis’s doorstep and Amy said, “I love you, mum.” “They are the words I will always treasure and remember Amy by,” Janis told the paper.

Her father Mitch, who was on his way back to London from a jazz tour in New York when the news came, had also predicted her death if she could not overcome her addiction. Her family released a statement saying, “our family has been left bereft by the loss of Amy, a wonderful daughter, sister, and niece. We are coming together to remember her and we would appreciate some privacy and space at this terrible time.”

I can’t say I was that shocked when I heard the news, all I really heard about Amy Winehouse was how she is in rehab then out of rehab then back in and so on. But in saying that, it’s still very tragic that the singer, who had been attempting to get better, died at 27. An autopsy will be conducted to determine the cause of her death but it seems possible that her death was due to an overdose. The People, a British tabloid reported that Amy had been seen buying cocaine, heroin, ecstasy and ketamine from a drug dealer at 10.30 on the Friday night before she died.

Friends of the singer told the Sunday Mirror that they believed she died from a “bad” ecstasy pill mixed with a large amount of alcohol.

One of her friends told a British paper, “It was an ecstasy overdose.

She could do cocaine until the cows come home. But this was obviously a dodgy pill.”

The singer has become the newest member of The 27 Club. She has joined a long and tragic list of well-known musicians and celebrities who died at the same age. Others on the list include Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Brian Jones and Jimi Hendrix.

21

AT THE MOVIES WITH DR. RICHARD SWAINSON & JOSH COOPER

BRIDESMAIDS

CARS 2

DIRECTED BY PAUL FEIG

DIRECTED BY JOHN LASSETER AND BRAD LEWIS

“Bridesmaids” has been labeled the female equivalent of “The Hangover”. To an extent the comparison holds up. Both are mainstream comedies that employ shock bad taste tactics, sexual and scatological jokes that before the Farrelly brothers came along were thought taboo. “Bridesmaids” starts with lead character Annie (Kristin Wiig, who also had a hand in the script) shagging herself

In the school holiday spirit I thought I’d go see Cars 2.

senseless and in another memorable sequence her and her eponymous buddies get a bad case of the runs whilst trying on expensive gowns.

race. Things suddenly turn pear shaped when Mater is mistaken for an international spy and the story follows him from there. Unlike the first film where the story mainly followed Lightning McQueen this film follows Maters adventure instead.

Such crudity may well continue to offend a delicate minority don’t take your Granny to this one - but it’s grounded in universal experience. Most of us fuck and all of us shit. Writing jokes around basic human behaviour, particularly when this behaviour involves issues of social etiquette and shame, is a sure fire way to connect with your audience. Seeing a big boned woman voiding her bowels into a small ladies hand basin might not be the height of sophisticated wit, but it’s a nightmare scenario that we can all identify with. I laughed loud.

Thematically “Bridesmaids” isn’t a million miles away from its male equivalent either. It’s about friendship, specifically the challenges to long term relationships when one friend enjoys greater material and romantic success than the other. Like so many lead characters in American comedies Annie is a thirty-something loser, someone who is falling behind her peer group when it comes to the key middle class indicators of success. Jealous of bride-to-be Lillian’s new rich mate Helen, she becomes increasingly frantic and strung out.

The fact that Annie is a woman instead of a buffoon played by Will Farrell, Steve Carrell or a Wilson brother obviously influences the tone. However rude or embarrassing she is a rounded and warm character. Wiig has an easy, credible rapport with Maya Rudolph’s Lillian and there’s also significant chemistry with the love interest (Irishman Chris O’Dowd as the world’s most amiable cop) and the mom (the late Jill Clayburgh, touching in her last role).

While the big wedding ending is a cliche we’ve all seen once too often especially the cameo by some 1990s musical has-beens - there is a real point of difference when it comes to the pacing of “Bridesmaids”. The scenes go on just that little bit longer than is conventional, giving the movie a looser, improvisational feel. At certain moments it feels like a classic.

-RS

22

Cars wasn’t the best Pixar film on the block. I mean, compared to Toy Story, Up and Wall-e its nothing. So how could “Cars 2” be any better?

Well it wasn’t. The film starts off with Lightning McQueen and his best friend Mater travelling the world to compete in the Grand Prix

The idea of Cars is good; it’s like a parallel world to ours but where everyone is a car, plane, boat or helicopter. In my opinion the first Cars film wasn’t very good so I didn’t see any need in making a new one apart from the fact it was a hit with kids. So here we are with Cars 2, they didn’t really have much to go with the story from the first film.

Doc Hudson wasn’t bought back because Paul Newman has passed and it would be disappointing to have a sound alike playing his part.

The idea of Cars and Spies worked well and it defiantly intrigued the kids (because of the amount of kids in the cinema). They started the whole idea off great by introducing the new character (Michael Caine) as a badass spy car but after he is chased off by the baddies you don’t hear from him in a while. I think they could have bought Lightning McQueen into the mix a bit more instead of basing the story around Mater.

The animation in Cars2 was as always with Pixar films amazing, every part of every shot was designed to perfection. There were three main cities that featured in the film Monte Carlo, London and Tokyo, these cities looked amazing, so similar to the real thing, it was uncanny.

The film was also released in 3D but I viewed it in 2D and I didn’t see much space for it to expand in to the 3D world, probably just making it in 3D to whore a couple of extra bucks.

Cars 2 is primarily made for kids and that was defiantly evident from the amount of them in the cinema. If you want to chill out on a Sunday afternoon I suggest going to see Cars 2 but maybe wait till the school holidays are over to avoid the screaming kids. Oh and if you go see Cars 2 you get to see an awesome short called “Hawaiian Vacation” following on from Toy Story 3.

-JC

LOOKING AT NOISES WITH JEREMY MAYALL & ANNALIE TENNANT with guest vocalists” as on his previous releases Here Comes The Fuzz and Version. Along with a core group of musicians, vocals from Andrew Wyatt (Fires of Rome), Amanda Warner (MNDR) and Ronson himself, are peppered over many of the tracks, giving the whole album a more unified sound.

On Record Collection, Ronson moves beyond his signature sound – replacing the funk horns reminiscent of Stax and Motown, and creating a world dominated by keyboards. He melds electro and pop crafting a sound conjures up the ’80s (as do the guest spots by Boy George and Simon Le Bon); but Record Collection is more than just homage.

RECORD COLLECTION

MARK RONSON AND THE BUSINESS INTL.

Mark Ronson. DJ. Music Producer. Guitarist. Record Label CEO. He started as a DJ in downtown New York, and quickly became known for his genre spanning sets. He moved from small club gigs, to being the go-to DJ for many celebrity parties. He has since worked as a producer with people like Nikka Costa, Sean Paul, Ol’ Dirty Bastard, Rhymefest, Lily Allen, Amy Winehouse, Ghostface Killah, QTip, Kaiser Chiefs and Duran Duran among others.

This album (released 2010) is the third studio album bearing the Mark Ronson name, but the first album with his ‘band’ – The Business Intl.

This idea of “the band” makes these tracks feel less like a ‘DJ/Producer

While most of the songs ride a shuffling drum kit beat, there is a musical curiosity that previous releases seemed to lack. Throw in the fact that he uses actual musicians (rather than samples and programming), and the end result, is a much more intimate and human (despite the synthy sounds) record, with a good half-dozen gems of quirky, alternative synth-pop.

The bar was set high with “Bang Bang Bang” as the lead single and placing it first on the album – this track is the standout of the album.

But tracks like “Somebody To Love”, “You Gave Me Nothing”, “Record Collection” and “The Bike Song” are all fun, well-crafted songs. It also features a few short instrumental interludes, which all combine to make the album a grab-bag of summery fun, frantic robo-funk, synth epics, French nursery rhymes, and 80’s HipHop – fun and engaging.

-J.M. hardcore, head-banging tracks that can be heard in Incubus’ earliest works, it is a development from their last record, and is very cohesive and detailed. The opening track is the title track and sets the mood for the entire album; slow paced yet eerily melodic. This album’s first single ‘Adolescents’ is the track that sounds most similar to Incubus’ previous music; it’s a track that could easily pass as one of their ‘Morning View’ (2001) singles alongside the ever popular ‘Wish You Were Here’. The album’s other songs however are in a whole other space of their own. The band pays homage to their pop influences with

IF NOT NOW, WHEN? INCUBUS

I have patiently waited for five long years for the release of Incubus’ sixth, full length, studio album ‘If Not Now, When?’ and now the wait is over; I could finally quench my thirst for some juicy new Incubus jams. Knowing that Incubus experiment with a plethora of different styles and genres, I was anxious to see what the band could conjure up after such a long hiatus.

On first listen, I had one word to describe ‘If Not Now, When?’ it would be this: mellow. After three or four more runs, I had four words: a piece of art. Although this album definitely doesn’t consist of the

the single ‘Promises, Promises’ with its simple yet catchy melody. They then mix it up with the tracks ‘Thieves’, ‘Isadore’ and ‘The Original’ by returning to edgy alternative styles. The track ‘Switchblade’ is the album’s jumpy rock track that allows for the highlighting of the band’s sharper guitar riffs. The album even ventures into an acoustic realm with the tracks ‘Defiance’ and ‘Tomorrow’s Food’ closes the album leaving us in a hazy dream.

I love Incubus, and have for nearly half of my life, so I felt a little biased when listening to their new album. It is different to anything they’ve produced before, but amongst many fans of any band, there is an appreciation of the music’s growth and the band members’ steps toward maturing their sound. I know that there are some people who won’t like this album. I’m not gonna lie, my best friend cringed when I played her one of the new tracks, admitting that she didn’t like Boyd’s voice (wtf??). Regardless, I still think you should have a listen, because Incubus’ sound is something unique and timeless.

-A.T. 23

MUGS TO MEDDLE WITH

24

Our Adult Learners…

There’s no stopping them.

Nominations are now open for the Vice Chancellor’s Adult Learners’ Awards. We want you to help us to find the winners for 2011 by nominating adult learners who you think deserve the award because of their efforts, achievements and contributions, and outstanding attitude to study.

They must be: At least 25 years old Enrolled at the University of Waikato, either full or part time (and a current B Semester student) Studying towards the completion of an undergraduate tertiary qualification All nominations must be received no later than 5pm on Monday 15 August .

Nomination forms and eligibility criteria can be downloaded from: www.waikato.ac.nz/pathways/ adultlearnersweek

0800 WAIKATO www.waikato.ac.nz 25

26

27

DAVES GALLERY OF GLORY

THINGS OUR GRAPHIC DESIGNER LIKES

28

OWEN’S VIEW WITH OWEN HINTON

RANGATAHI IN THE

WORKPLACE WITH THE YWRC

Within hours of writing this, I shall be nestled, possibly with some Nestle, at Event cinemas, with my 3D glasses on, and my mental preparations for ‘whoa’ and ‘that just hurts my eyes actually and now

Discrimination still occurs in many different aspects of life including employment. Discrimination has many negative effects for both the individual being discriminated against and society. It is our

that I think about it does it really have to be this loud?’ complete, ready to watch HP7p2.

responsibility as informed educated citizens to identify bad behaviour and take appropriate steps to address it.

That sounds like a new strain of influenza virus.

YWRC aims to empower young people in the workplace so they can maintain positive employment relationships, unlawful discrimination can and does affect a number of workers, and it is our belief that addressing discrimination in all areas of life will eventually benefit all New Zealanders including young workers.

Some of you may find the series just as lingering and nauseating; I admit, I thought the first few were rubbish. Even the later ones I don’t count among my favourite films. Yates is no Verhoeven. But Potter has been with me since I was 11; there has to be some sort of ritual. With explosions.

I only go to the movies to watch the ones with special effects, and when I miss the circulation I often sigh internally when I watch it at home, eyes comfortably unhurt. What’s even worse is when it’s still circulating, but everyone you know has already gone. You’re in the limbo, or as I call it, the filimbo.

Filimbo can be a trying time. Do you pester your friends? Do you put out a ‘Somebody see this movie with me lol’ status (which stands for languishing out loud in this case) or do you go alone? I’ve been alone once or twice. Once was to Simpsons cause nobody wanted to. It sucked. And another time was when I was in Bangkok and had time to kill. I got in the cab and said movie theatre. The cabbie burst out laughing (he practically rofl’d) and said ‘wha?! No girlfriend!?’

That shit cut deep.

But anyway, if you have to go alone, but don’t want to appear alone, just go at a busy time. Mill around near the people who were ahead of you in line. Perhaps ask them to watch your popcorn for a sec while you go toilet (that way others will see you socially interacting). Go in when its dark. Watch movie without interacting with anyone (easy bit) and then leave at the same-ish time as your snack-watchers, in case somebody is suspicious. You want to avoid being noticed and screamed at like in Bodysnatchers. Get back to your car and breathe deeply in a brown paper bag. Success! Put on some Classic Hits for a feel good buzz and then treat yourself to a sundae at Macca’s. You earned it.

It is illegal to discriminate on the grounds of • sex, • race • marital status • employment status • religious beliefs • family status • ethnical beliefs • age • skin colour • sexual preference

• ethnic or national origin • political opinion • disability

If you think you have been discriminated against on one of the above grounds in one of the following prohibited areas, you may be able to make a claim to the Human Rights Commission or if it relates to employment the Employment Relations Authority.

Areas of life which you cannot be discriminated in: • Government or public sectors • Provision of Goods and Services • Employment • Provision of land housing and • Education accommodation • Access to public places, vehicles, • Industrial and professional facilities associations/ partnerships If you have any queries please contact the Human Rights Commission on 0800 496 877.

29

THE ATHEIST EXPERIENCE

WORDS OF WISDOM

WITH SAM THE ATHEIST

WITH MR MINTY FISH

For some reason, the very existence of people of my ilk is cause for offense for many people. The very thought of somebody not believing in their god make some people sick to their stomach with rage, amongst a mix of accompanying bad emotions. This causes distress to me – Why is not believing in god such a heinous thing?

Before any given religion was invented, your god was not believed in.

In fact, people have been ridiculed and persecuted for their belief in most gods popular in western culture. For example, Islamic people, especially in the US, are persecuted in retrospect for the implications in the September 11th attacks. Even here in New Zealand, two Muslim women wearing burqa dresses were denied access to public transport, the drivers citing “maskophobia” as a reason.

Christians were persecuted by the Romans, because Christians refused to believe that the emperors of Rome were gods to be revered. This was strange, considering that a fair amount of Roman mythology was built upon the shoulders of other mythologies, including Greek and the Etruscans. Christians were also seen as enemies of the state as they attempted to convert the populations from Romanticism.

People of any religion other than Catholicism were burned and tortured as heretics in the Spanish Inquisition, a move warranted by Pope Sixtus IV. During this period, hundreds of people were hunted down specifically because they did not believe in the same god as the kings of Spain, or did not believe in the same way as they did.

Now that we are in the 21st century, religious fanaticism has mostly subsided, but of course there are a few exceptions. Just recently, a Christian extremist man in Norway, fed up with the liberal government of Norway, went on a killing spree. The man murdered at least 73 people.

This brings to mind a very salient question - Why must people who are of different faiths be persecuted for their beliefs? There is no reason to. If they don’t believe in the same things you do, so be it. It is their prerogative to believe in what they wish.

In the same vein, why must people who do not believe be persecuted for their non-belief? As I said earlier, it is anybodies’ prerogative to believe or not believe in what they wish. I know what I believe in; it just does not include god.

30

The chances of falling pregnant whist on the pill are miniscule. You can narrow those chances further by having a penis and a lack of ovaries. Everyone needs tips for life. These are yours.

Last week was for those in possession of testicles, and hopefully said testicles got a little more action than usual as a result.This week is for those of us with boobs. Cut the shit girls and cut it now. Vagina carriers are vapid festering piles of need and unfortunately most of that need is actually to be the bearer of ‘new news’. There is not a dress wearer in Hamilton that has not spun some epic yarns and; word to the wise; any uterus that says otherwise is the most evil of all three types. The sly. The overt. The accidental.

The Sly: If you can spot this her, she will drive you fucking mental.

Most people think this girl is ‘lovely’ so avoid venting your need to write ‘white power’ on her forehead and push her into Coyotes. You will be a pariah. Yeah you might know she was giving a guy with a gf gobbies every day for a week at the start of last year but hey; she also loves bunnies and kittens and rainbows so basically, deal with it and move on. Bitch deflects mud like some kind of crazy mud deflecting bitch ninja.

The Overt: She will claim to have been ‘put in the middle’ when she clearly sat there for the epic view. Punch her in the face.

The Accidental: “You look nice today. I mean like… Not like you don’t look good any other time? You just. I mean. (Well you’re usually hideous but today you don’t assault my eyes as much as every other day.) You look nice.” I think maybe you should have stopped talking before you even started.

Some things are just logic. If they cheat with, they will cheat on, bitches be crazy, if they talk shit to you they talk shit about you, and if that monthly bleeder uses the words ‘drama’, ‘gossip’ and ‘scandal’ in the same day, run. Just drop yo shit and make like a black kid on Cops.

Love you guys more than is appropriate.

Only now do I realise the extent of my creepiness.

THE CHAIR LEG OF TRUTH

BOGANOLOGY 101

WITH CHAIR LEG

WITH BURTON C. BOGAN

In the midst of conversation, a friend of mine makes a comment regarding warning labels on cigarettes. It goes thusly: “If they are willing to put disgusting pictures on cigarette packs? Why not put

The Metal Rainbow

pictures of obese people on a pack of potato chips? Why not put slaughterhouses on meat packaging or tortured animals on cosmetic boxes? Why not put pictures of violent car accidents on alcohol bottles, or homeless people on gas and electricity bills, and of thieving politicians on tax statements?”

Metal is a diverse genre. For non-Bogans it’s all the same, a wall of noise that forces them back against the wall and tells them to get them bourbon. For Bogans, there are differences between bands which can be used to further distinguish people from each other, described last week as true and untrue. This week I thought I’d take a look at some examples. These five examples from a list that’s longer than my extended monkey arms. Metallers reading this will probably disagree and have slight variations, depending on their own positioning and preferences.

Thrash Metal (e.g. Anthrax). My favourite. Influenced by Rock and Punk movements; Metal music that is interested in social change but would rather sing about it than actually do it. Has splintered into many other sub-sub-genres but I just lump it all in as Thrash (e.g., Speed Metal like Motorhead or Post-Thrash like Pantera/Lamb of God).

Nu-Metal (e.g., Limp Bizkit). Generally considered the most commercial of Metal sub-genres due to its incorporation of DJs and sampling. Nu-Metal is generally thrown around as an insult to any Metal song that people deem to be mainstream even if it doesn’t technically fall into this category (e.g., I wouldn’t call Slipknot or System of a Down Nu-Metal, but many do).

I will tell you why not. Because it’d be bloody ridiculous. I had to pause at this point, because one part of this particular comment had me awestruck. Pictures of homeless people on gas and electricity bills?

By what stretch of the imagination does paying your gas bill make you homeless?

Ignoring the select few who would miss paying rent for the sake of keeping the power on (who are clearly morons, because there is no point in being able to turn a light on in a flat you are forcibly removed from [and most power companies make provisions for people who don’t pay on time anyway {look at me, being all posh with my properly structured parentheses!}]), what on earth would drive someone to make that conclusion?

When pressed however, my friend was quick to posit that if you don’t pay your power and gas bills, they cut you off and you become a squatter. Now, I’m not normally one to take a leaf from Lenny Bruce’s book, but hold it the flip right there. Firstly, that’s not what defines a squatter. Squatter’s rights are a whole separate bucket of chickens, my dear reader, and Wikipedia will offer you the same education as it would asking one of your wanky law student friends.

Secondly, the logic doesn’t stand. That’s like saying if you quit smoking, the powers that be will give you cancer. If you stop buying alcohol, those same powers will make sure you are involved in a violent car accident (or “traffic collision”, according to Official Police Vocab Guidelines). If you go a single day without make up, they will torture puppies. Or perhaps, my personal favourite, if you stop eating meat, they will kill animals out of spite.

There you have it folks, any vice you can think of is justifiable, if you approach it the right way.

So many colours in the Metal Rainbow, don’t be afraid to let your colours shiiiiiiiiiiiiiine

Death Metal (e.g., Deicide). Sounds like Cookie Monster if he was thrown into a wood chipper. Low growls coupled with the occasional high pitched squeals and grunts.

Black Metal (e.g., Mayhem). Similar to Death Metal, only usually there are more of the squeals and less of the growls. Generally sing about Satan and paint their faces like mimes. It’s a strange sub-genre because some of the coolest and also some of the stupidest Metal fans are into Black Metal. Cool in the sense that some are knowledgeable and passionate, stupid because others are elitist, racist, and violent (links with National Socialism and church burnings).

Metalcore (e.g. Killswitch Engage). Fuck I don’t know. Seems to incorporate Thrash Metal with angsty vocals (by angsty we mean the person can actually sing). Very fine line between Metalcore and Melodic Death Metal (in some cases you would need a tuning fork to tell when the growls become yells). To be honest I think this is along similar lines to Nu-Metal, used as an insult to denote commerciality.

Stay Bogan \m/ www.facebook.com/burtoncbogan 31

CAFES: LIKE A BOSS

DIARY OF A RAVER

WITH MRS MATTHEWS

WITH GIG GIRL

Iguana Street Bar and Restaurant, 203 Victoria Street, Hamilton.

We came to Iguana because we were out for brunch, had been there for dinner before but not brunch and it seemed like a good a time as any. We needed something relatively quick as we were heading out of town and thought a big place like Iguana with a big kitchen might be a better bet than the smaller cafes that were running a roaring trade on a Sunday morning. Upon entry the floor was strangely sticky; I have absolutely no idea why. It was a Sunday morning but I didn’t think Iguana was a drunken drink-spilling kind of place on a Saturday night.

I ordered the French toast with bacon, banana maple syrup and mascarpone because I was craving something drenched in maple syrup. The husband ordered the Crumbled Fish with steak fries because that’s what you have at 10:30 in the morning apparently.

Mine came with plenty of maple syrup, deliciously smoky bacon and the toast was lovely and crisp. I always love it when French toast comes with mascarpone too, NOM. While it was good it wasn’t spectacular. The husband’s fish was reportedly good, although a little bland. It comes with malt vinegar and tartare sauce though which is an interesting twist. Having dined here a couple of times in the past, that’s what I have come to expect from Iguana; good food sometimes but never overly spectacular.

As per usual I avoided coffee as I do when dining in a restaurant.

The husband was daring enough to brave it, but as I suspected it was average; although passable. I ordered a ‘Tropic Thunder’ blended juice which consisted of berry, banana, yoghurt and apple and pineapple juice. It was ok but it was rather boring, was overly icy and at $8 was a complete and utter swindle.

Iguana has a fairly cool vibe about it, is a huge restaurant and has a funky garden bar area which can be hired out fairly cheaply for what it is. The staff are as to be expected in a larger restaurant; zippy and efficient while still friendly. I noticed they now have a $12 lunch special which includes soup, sandwich and fries which looks pretty good so I guess I’ll have to try that out sometime. I don’t think Iguana will ever be a favourite though.

32

Hamilton has a bad reputation, for many things, but mostly for its reputation when it comes to STD’s. Known as the Chlamydia capital of NZ; Hamilton has garnered names such as ‘Chlamydia Triangle’ and ‘Syphilisville’ to name a few. The sexual promiscuity of us Hamiltonians seems to be a popular talking point by anyone who dares to enter the nether Waikato regions.

Sex is enjoyable and from the countless stories I’ve heard and have been told, everyone in Hamilton enjoys sex A LOT. An ex-bouncer from one of the biggest student bars prided himself on having slept with over 100 girls; and I know many people who have books or lists with names of all of the guys/girls they have slept with, just so they don’t forget, or can keep count. Hamilton is THE place to go if you want a guaranteed root, or so I’ve been told.

I’m not sure exactly what it is. Maybe it’s linked to our love of excessive drinking? Or it could be down to the fact that many of the students here are finally away from home? Or perhaps it’s one of the chemicals they put in Waikato river water we drink.

The cause is uncertain, but one thing that is certain is that a large percentage of the conversations I have, be that with guys or girls, often end up on the topic of sex. It’s always talk about who’s sleeping with who, who’s good in bed, those that look like they would be a good root and who’s their next target.

The recipe to getting laid appears to be rather simple and includes something along the lines of: Thursday and Saturday evenings; The Outback, maybe Agenda, or possibly CBD; a few cheap RTD’s, or even something else; and some music to get girls grinding on each other.

Those things in combination, perhaps with a pinch of charm and a dash of good looks, appear to be the way to achieving that ‘home run’.

Whatever your sexual status however, be that virgin, in a long-term relationship, in a new relationship, single, single and having sex, single and sleeping with as many guys/girls as possible, everyone needs to remember that there are these things that come with the names Durex, Marquis, Ansell etc and they are really awesome at keeping nasty things away. Hamilton already has a bad reputation; don’t let yourself get one by being careless.

HAMILWOOD WITH BEN WOOLLEN

THE SODA INC.

COMMERCE COLUMN WITH NAT GOOD

It’s the kind of place you might miss walking by. We do exactly that, ending up asking a guy on the street if he has heard of Angelo’s. He smiles in a way only locals do when talking to out-of-towners, points

48 Hour Business Start-Up Competition Are you the entrepreneurial type who drives your friends and family mad with all of your brilliant business ideas? Do you dream of turning

a weathered finger at the fading paintwork of a corner building mere yards from where we stand, stubs a cigarette into the pavement with the heel of a cowboy boot, turns and walks away. Not a word spoken.

None required.

your ideas into a business reality? Do you work well in a team? Are you highly motivated?

The dimly-lit sign introduces Evangelo’s Cocktail Lounge, unrecognisable as anything more than a small bar on a street in Santa Fe, New Mexico. But we are film-makers. We know some things. Like we know this is the bar Jeff Bridges sang his heart out as Bad Blake during Crazy Heart. We just messed up on the name of the bar a little bit.

The Innes 48 hour business start-up competition challenges entrepreneurial teams to design and launch a start-up business within just 48 hours. The challenge is named after the Innes family, who were an important part of Hamilton’s business history.

Evangelo’s is not special in any way, it doesn’t proclaim to be any more than what it is. The owner, Nick Klonis, haunts the bar in his trademark Panama hat, serving bottles of beer and whiskey shots straight up. There is a photo of Nick with Jeff Bridges, arm in arm more like brothers than a proprietor and ageing actor. The picture does not hold centre stage behind the bar, that pride of place given to Nick’s father, Evangelo himself, in the iconic photo taken of him after the Normandy landing in 1944 by Life magazine. He stands smoking a cigarette, battle-weary and covered in war. Once you see it, you remember seeing it before, and know that however much time passes, will remember it again in the future.

The Soul Man has been playing Evangelo’s for years, even on this quiet evening, he and his eclectic mix of musicians wail out tunes that would make Muddy Waters smile.

You never expect too much from a small bar on a Monday night. And it doesn’t matter as your mind drifts back to the film, for a moment you become the character, test out a line dropped on the same square foot of linoleum a million times before. And in that instance, you own the space around you. Then the Soul Man finishes his set, walks the room with upturned cap in search of tips, Nick Klonis looks at your empty bottles, and you walk back into the night and Evangelo’s becomes just a bar again.

Contact Scott or Ben at www.chasingtimeproductions.co.nz

SODA Inc. invites local entrepreneurs to step up to the play.

The competition kicks off on Saturday November 19, 2011 at WINTEC’s The Atrium in Central Hamilton. Here, the teams will listen to motivational speakers talk of their entrepreneurial success and be given the opportunity to gather information and guidance from these experts.

The teams will then have 48 hours to innovate, create and launch a business using the $500 start-up entry fee as their capital. Teams should be made up of 7-10 people. Each team should have a range of skill sets to ensure all areas of business are covered.

The competition closes at 5pm sharp on Monday 21 November. Teams are then to present their creations to a panel of judges to be in the running for the fabulous pool of prizes. One team will receive 6 weeks of pre-incubation business training and mentoring services from TEAM SODA worth over $4000. There will also be many other prizes that are yet to be confirmed.

SODA Inc challenges students to enter a team. Help create the most innovative collaborative start-up experience in New Zealand!

We are hoping to acquire student scholarships that means the $500 entry fee will be covered. This $500 can be used be used as capital to turn an idea into a business reality.

The purpose of the competition is to excite local entrepreneurs to create their own business by providing them with the skills, resources and motivation to do so. To register your interest check out http://startup48.org 33

NEXUS. FOOD. LOVE.

WITH DEE

I’m one of the very lucky people who have the luxury of taking some very fun papers as part of my university degree. It makes sense then for someone like me to jump at the chance to take the paper ENGL211, which is titled “Food Writing”. Yeah, it’s pretty well right up my alley.

I’m not sure about you, Nexus readers, but assignments are flying at me thick and fast. When I first went through my course outlines, I wrote up an assignment timetable, so I knew what was coming, and when. And then by the end of last week, I managed to add in another three assignments that were due within two weeks. Extra presentations, extra pieces of writing, and a few other little projects

Because of that, this week’s recipe is taken straight from a piece of writing I had to do for the Food Writing paper. Technically, it will land in the inbox of the Nexus lovelies before it lands in the lap of the lecturer. You will be reading this before I get my mark back! While in some ways that makes me a little nervous, I know this recipe works well, so I’m not nervous about any of you using it.

And now, for my recipe. Feel free to let me know how you would mark this. My email address is food@nexusmag.co.nz

I’m working on make this food writer a bit busy.

CRUNCHY LEMON MUFFINS I once saw a lemon muffin recipe that was handwritten in the most beautiful hand writing by the daughter of a friend of a friend. I desperately tried to remember it at home later, and came out with this recipe. I had gotten a lot of it wrong, but actually preferred this version after a later taste test. The process at getting to this recipe may have been a little complicated, but making these muffins is very easy.

Ingredients: 2cups of self-raising flour ¾ cup of sugar 75 grams of butter 1 cup of milk 1 egg The rind of 1 lemon Topping: ¼ cup of lemon juice ¼ cup of sugar 1. Preheat the oven to 200°C. 2. Combine the flour with the first measure of sugar.

3. In a separate bowl, melt the butter, and add the milk, egg and the lemon rind. Beat well with a fork to combine.

4. Add the liquids to the dry ingredients—do not over mix.

5. Put into a (12) muffin tin that has been well greased.

6. Bake for ten minutes. Put the topping on straight after they come out of the oven.

For the topping: Stir together the lemon juice and second measure of sugar. Drizzle over the hot cooked muffins and leave to stand for a few minutes before removing from the tin.

BUT I WAS DRUNK!

Charlie has been arrested for assaulting somebody in a bar in Victoria Street.

He was drunk and did not know what he was doing. What will happen to him?

6 MONTH MEMBERSHIP

$

195 (Student ID required)

Drunkenness is no excuse for breaking the law! Generally, your rights in relation to the Police depend on your age. If you’re under 17, you’re covered by the special Youth Justice rules in the Children, Young Persons, and Their Families Act 1989. If you’re 17 or older, you are dealt with as an adult. Charlie is 18 and is an adult. If he is arrested he must give his name, address and date and place of birth. He must also allow his fingerprints and his photo to be taken. In some cases, the Police may take blood samples or samples from his mouth (“buccal” samples) for DNA analysis. Anyone who has been arrested has the right to talk to and instruct a lawyer without delay in private and for free. There should be a list of lawyers available 24 hours a day at the Police station. If you don’t have a lawyer, ask for the list and pick one.

If Charlie is charged and hasn’t seen a lawyer before he’s taken to court he should make sure he sees the Duty Solicitor at court – this is a free legal service Charlie may be offered diversion if: -the complainant agrees -it is his first offence -the offence is not serious -he admits committing the offence Diversion means he won’t get a criminal record but he will have to complete an agreed punishment such as community work, pay compensation to the victim or make a donation to charity.

The Hamilton Area Citizens Advice Bureau provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria St (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm), 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am-4.30pm), Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm) and the Cowshed at the University (Tues-Thurs 1-3pm). They also have legal, advocacy and consumer services available where you can get more specialised help.

Includes: 1 x Exercise Consultation Rev & Pool upgrades available Offer expires 31 July 2011

Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB) or look at the CAB website www.cab.org.nz

.co.nz

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0 0 0 1 r! e h c u o V l Trave

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*Register & win prize conditions: To be eligible, entrants must register their details at www.studentflights.co.nz or at any Student Flights store in NZ, prior to 5pm on 15 August 11. Entrants must be 18 years or over at time of entry. Existing Student Fights customers already registered on the database are also eligible to enter. The winning entrant shall receive a prize of $1000 travel voucher to be used at any Student Flights store in New Zealand prior to 31 August 12. By entering this competition you agree to receive promotional offers from Student Flights via email and/or TXT of which you can opt out at any stage. Winner will be drawn at random on 31 Aug 11 & will be notified by phone or email. Judges decision is final. Prize is non-transferable & not redeemable for cash or foreign exchange. Student Flights reserves the right to verify the validity of entries & to disqualify any entry that is not in accordance with these terms & conditions. Student Flight’s, a division of Flight Centre (NZ) Limited, standard terms and conditions apply, please refer to: www.studentflights.co.nz/booking-terms-condition SFA1120163 SF Nexus ad.indd 1

25/07/11 12:00 PM

THE REALM OF INFINITE CHAOS

PRESENTED BY MARK 1 COMICS AND GAMES 551 VICTORIA ST.

AND COMICS WITH MATTHEW HENDERSON THE IMMORTAL IRON FIST VOL 1: THE LAST IRON FIST STORY WRITER: ED BRUBAKER ARTIST: DAVID AJA (WITH OTHERS)

I’ve never been a big follower of Marvel’s Iron Fist and, although I’d read a few issues here and there over the years, didn’t know much about the character beyond the basics: Danny Rand – ultra rich super kung fu dude, acquired his skills by being raised in fictional martial arts mecca called K’un Lun, very 70s bright green and yellow costume complete with deep V-neck cut to highlight the black dragon tattoo on his chest, best mates with the (now) über cool Luke Cage (we know he’s a true friend because he hung with the pre-cool Cage when he was still called Power Man and had the whole yellow pirate shirt/steel tiara/”sweet Christmas” thing going on) fist does glowy thing when he smacks people. I picked up Immortal Iron Fist purely based on some positive buzz and the fact that I was enjoying the heck out of writer Ed Brubaker’s run on Captain America. Good move, Matman!

Brubaker’s run on Iron Fist (collected in this and subsequent Trade Paperbacks) pulls off something very akin to what Geoff Johns has done with Green Lantern – brought together disparate threads of continuity from previous incarnations no matter stupid or cheesy they may have seemed at the time (I’m looking at you Danny Rand, superspy!) into a coherent whole where they not only make sense, but do so in a way that makes everything much cooler. Also like Johns, Ed doesn’t just bring all of the old elements together but adds a whole heap of great new concepts to the mythos that transform Danny Rand from b-list also-ran into a hugely engaging bad @$$ character.

This first volume pits Rand against the forces of Hydra, against the backdrop of a too good to be true financial deal for Rand Corp.

Brubaker builds on the legacy of the Iron Fist by flashing back to previous holders of the mantel throughout the ages. These flashback are linked to the ‘present’ day story and the new characters all cool enough to ensure you’re not in any hurry to go back to the future. He also introduces Orson Randall – prodigal Iron Fist with a mysterious

past who teams up with Danny and teaches him (and us) more than a thing or two about what it means to be the Champion of K’un Lun. Brubaker’s plotting and pacing are spot on and the dialogue sparkles with humour and character. This was my first exposure to David Aja’s art but I became an instant fan. Aja pencils/inks/and colours and is similar in palate and approach to Alex Maleev - but with more clarity and detail and much better action scenes. The flashbacks are drawn by a range of guest artists and each time period is given a unique look which ensures that the jumps are never confusing.

Bottom line – this is a great read and a perfect jumping on point if you’re new to the character. If you think you know Iron Fist and that he’s as cool as disco – try this anyway. This is not your Dad’s Danny Rand. Although the title is set firmly in the Marvel Universe, there’s more than enough noir and kung fu cinema elements to broaden its appeal to those who want something than standard super heroics.

Recommended for: •Fans of Brubaker and/or cool stories, great art, great action, funny dialogue; kung fu; noir.

•People with pulses •Literate zombies.

NEXUS FIGURE PAINTING COMPETITION WE’RE HAVING A MODEL PAINTING COMPETITION! THE RULES ARE AS FOLLOWS: 1) Any SINGLE miniature (no larger than 4inches) 2) Drop off to Mark 1 Comics & Games 3) Entries open the 1st August and close on the 9th September.

4) Winners announced in Nexus on the 19th September 5) Prizes include heaps of phat loot from MarkOne Comics and Games and Nexus

GET INTO IT AND HAVE FUN! SPONSORED BY MARK 1 COMICS & GAMES 551 VICTORIA ST.

KEVIN PRYOR GOES DOWN ON BOOKS

AFFLUENZA - CLIVE HAMILTON AND RICHARD DENNIS One of the most annoying current media obsessions is Australia. It’s not just newspapers and TV either. Politicians are equally guilty too.

Australia this, Australia that, we’re constantly being told that ‘Oz’ is the land of milk and honey.

Is it so good over there? I’m always skeptical about people telling me things that sound too good to be true, and ‘Oz’ seems like one of those things.

Maybe it’s because my life here is pretty good already. I can’t conceive why I would want to move to a whole other country because I might get paid a bit more.

‘Affluenza: When Too Much is Never Enough’ is a book analyzing contemporary Australia from an economic and sociological point of view. Does this book share New Zealanders rose tinted view of the land of Waltzing Matilda?

In short, no. The quality that we’re supposed to most admire about Australia, that they are richer than us, is mercilessly ripped apart. The authors, both economists, argue that Australia was a happier, more contented society in the 1950s, when

average real income was one third what it is today.

The title ‘Affluenza’ alludes to a sickness. The insatiable, unsustainable pursuit of material goods. Hamilton and Dennis argue that this is a problem right across Western societies, but that it is particularly prevalent in ‘Oz.’ As Australia’s GDP and average incomes started to boom in the 2000s, so too did the incidences of mental illness, depression, obesity, relationship breakdowns, and other social ills. The thing is that these problems weren’t the preserve of those at the bottom of the social ladder, many of those suffering the most burnout and stress where at the top of the income pile.

So what is the authors’ conclusion? Basically that we should put less focus on the rat race, realise we have a pretty good quality of life already, and stop chasing mirages.

To me that sounds like a pretty compelling reason for staying on this side of the ditch.

JUDY READS...

AMERICAN TABLOID - JAMES ELLROY American Tabloid is a novel which follows 3 rouge law enforcement officers from the 22nd of November 1958 through to the 22nd of November 1963. All three law enforcement officers become involved in a web of associations between the FBI, the CIA and the Mafia. Their involvement in the

main characters. There are also “document inserts” which reproduce newspaper articles, letters, and transcripts of phone calls.

web leads to the involvement in the assassination of John F. Kennedy. This is the first instalment of Ellroy’s Underworld USA Trilogy.

have different parts in the action and different things happening in their personal lives.

Keeping track of everything that’s going on is made easier by the incredibly clear structure. I don’t know if I would have found it anywhere near as enjoyable if I was trying to figure out when things happened as well as how the events were bringing the characters lives into closer proximity.

I picked up American Tabloid because I’d enjoyed the Black Dahlia and I also enjoy the period of American history in which American Tabloid is set.

I wasn’t disappointed. It is a fictional account, but what happens in American Tabloid is no crazier than any of the conspiracy theories surrounding the death of John F. Kennedy The structure of the novel is very rigid. Five Sections, five years, one hundred chapters. Each chapter begins with the name of the city the event is taking place in, the date of the events beginnings and everything runs in a sequential order. Each chapter is from the point of view of one of the three

American Tabloid was interesting. That the main story is told by three narrators, all who

After finishing American Tabloid I now want to read the rest of the series. I really enjoyed the style in which Ellroy wrote and the way he managed to keep the story clear and flowing when it could have easily been bogged down by having so many characters and many different things going on in each of the characters lives. Because it was such a complex novel it wasn’t one I read all in one hit, I paced American Tabloid out over about a week which is a long time for me. I enjoyed it, I wanted to keep reading, and now I want to read more.

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PRESENTS

THE BUSTED PAGE

SOUNDSCAPE - JULY 16TH

ALL PHOTOS BY SHANNON ROLFE - SHANNONROLFE.COM

There’s even more To see each week on...

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