issue 17

18 August 2008

pg. 18

Do Olympic swimmers pee in the pool? – from CJ Cannot predict now – the swimming hasn’t really happened yet. But. If you’re watching the Games in HD, you’ll be able to see that tell-tale yellow stain seeping out into the water.

think the word “retard” is intrinsically funny – and who doesn’t? –you’ll be in for a riot.

Am I going to star in the vagina monologues? – From David H You may rely on it – you know what a “monologue” is, right? Someone talking on their own. And that, my friend, is your starring role – far, far away from any vaginas at all. Except artificial ones.

Should Northland be allowed to stay in the Air NZ Cup? - Ry Without a doubt – once they start winning actual games, instead of talking about the possibility of doing so in the future.

Will Kirill get laid this year? – from Kirill Yes definitely – all your non-procrastinating, working out, time management, and stuff you’ve been doing (see Procrastinatio di Procrastinatio column for details) will make it that much easier to get a

Seeing as the fireworks and the singing girl were both faked at

well-paying job – and, thus, high class hookers.

Is Tropic Thunder going to be awesomer because it contains the word “retard” like a hundred times (which has offended retards?)

– Chucky Cheese Don’t count on it – it depends how much you like Ben Stiller. My intuition tells me the plot will be like Dodgeball, but with guns. If you’re going to see the movie for pure un-PC goodness, perhaps you should look somewhere else – to, say, “The Aristocrats”. Then again, if you

Granny Caption says: Good gracious, children! I’m ever so fluffed about the entries to the caption competition last week! Oh, yes! There were so many entries that I nearly had to buy extra Depends! Seems like all you have to do in this day and age is put a young lady with enormous bosoms under a car and you get a veritable flood of entrification! Oh, dear!

Anyway, I judged the entries this week, and here is the winner,

with the absolutely scrumptious caption:

Should witchcraft be studied at University? – Kat It is decidedly so – the real question is, why didn’t they start this a whole lot sooner? Hogwarts only goes up to 7th form, and it’s about time we got some real tertiary magical education. The NZ Ministry of Magic has been lobbying for this for years…

the Olympic opening ceremony, is there a chance that the Games themselves are a giant sham? - JD Without a doubt – they’re already a sham on any number of levels. Just wait until drug-testing catches up with whatever drugs they’re using.

But, with CGI these days, there’s a very good chance the athletes are all hooked up to pods and brain-plugs and we’re simply watching them exert themselves in the Chinese Communist Matrix.

“Headlights working......?”

– Jordan Neil

“Jeff discovered there were “Due to low ratings, Pimp benefits to breaking down on My Ride hired new staff.”

K Road” – some gormless idiot who didn’t include his name or he Congratulations Tess Neely!

WOULD HAVE WON! INCLUDE Come into the Nexus office to YOUR NAMES IN TEXTS! get your free token enabling you to free Burger Fuel. Oh, Oh, dear. I’m terribly excited I’m all flushed. Here are some from all this. I’m going to go honourable mentions! watch WWE now, but before I go, here’s this week’s picture.

You can enter the caption competition by texting 021 235 8436 or emailing nexus@ waikato.ac.nz. Remember, dears, include your names with texts, or I’ll simply have to out you as a total douchebag! Winners get a voucher entitling them to a burger and fries and a delicious drink at the fantabulous Burger Fuel! I simply must go, or I’ll have a stroke!

3

Vuurwapens doden niet doet mensen… gewichtheffen hoewel. Guns don’t kill people…they always hurt people though.

Hey troops, was an epic week last week with the Northern Tertiary Challenge and Battle of the Bombays up in jaffa-land oh and something big happening in china I think aswell.

Yes the Olympico has dawned upon us and if its still among us once you read the kolumn this week I have a little game for you. You will require at least 4 humans, some/a lot of alcohol, and the box (TV) accompanied with channel 1. Before the start of any event or race at the mighty Beijing games, one by one each of you have to choose a nationality of one of the competitors in the event. You the couch competitors will cheer on your adopted countrymen or women and the results will dictate the punishment for the drinking game. If your country’s athlete comes in first you have 5 nominations at your discretion, second – 3 nominations and third – 1 nomination. It is rather simple but effective and makes for watching the Olympico even more enthralling. The game continues with the player that came in last (and usually flooded with the nominations) picking first for the next event and so on so the winner of the last round picks last. Note: when they are multiple athletes for a specific country in an event, only the top placed athlete counts.

For example, in the 100m track, only one of the three Jamacians or Americans count in the placings. Enjoy and be merry please.

A special mention needs to be extended to the lads that were tossing back a few brews on the Knighton Rd. roundabout in the middle of the day on Saturday a couple of weekends ago. Eventually they were escorted off the island by the local po-pos and the tribe was spoken for the brave souls. Good job guys, don’t give up in you efforts of karn.

Upcoming for the kolumn is a review on a ‘what would shock your mother’ themed flat warming and a new entrant in the party themes, ‘wrestlemania’ birthday party. Can’t wait to show off a bit of flesh at those and perhaps throw the littlest party-goer at a wall, will be fun for all I’m sure.

News Secret Admirer, The Stalker Game, whatever you want to call it – came to an exciting closure this week at College Hall. The dining hall looked like the inside of an underground brothel and I counted a handful and ¾s invitations to orgies.

Studvillian’s ‘Occupation Party’ went off without a hitch and also (coincidentally) looked like a brothel with a few people deciding to try out the prostitution industry – Cheers Georgina! In other Stud news, we regret to inform you that we have lost another brother to the “weed in the pocket and reception lady finding it” prank. A minute of silent attention to mourn the loss *stop reading and watch the lecture for a minute*.

Orchard Park hosted a Karaoke Party this week with big turnouts (three’s a crowd). Each performer sang well while they weren’t eating a bar of chocolate or getting on the piss.

With the Combined Halls Ball looming, there is speculation about what the theme may be.

From what I know there are a likelihood of live bands and an overall theme being split between the halls into sub-themes…On a random note, I’m going to be a hippy and point out that there’s too much littering around the Uni. Might as well just use the bin or it’s going to blow into the lake and kill the ducks.

Not Cool In the last 3 weeks, a bunch of cars have been either burgled or stolen. I personally know of three cars just this week that have had breakins at Gate 3B, including mine! I’m sure on the other side of campus; Bryant and Studville have a similar problem. Something needs to be done to deter the offenders from targeting our cars. There aren’t enough parks in the parking lot at gate 3B – 90 percent of the time, we have to park on the road where our cars are getting broken into. If we’re going to be made to park on the road, then the university needs to hire more security staff so the area can be under surveillance. I, along with a lot of other students, would happily pay extra to know that we’re not going to wake up in the morning to find our cars ransacked.

Random Hallness For the most important announcement though, THE HORI440 HAS MOVED TO OCTOBER 17 (the last day of lectures this semester). Lock it in ladies and gentlemen because you have my promise that that date will not change.

Last but not least students of the ‘chang…The 4th annual Hermit in the Park will be taking place on Thursday the 18th of September starting at 4pm. Further details will be contained in the 1st issue of the nexus back after the break. Don’t be scared, it’s actually an extremely good time for all.

Autobots, Transform ENROLL out! Decepticons, Eat arse!

Yours truly, AJ

4

I think they should put a mini-supermarket in the space at the student green. I’d shop there. Munchies on the way back from town, beer-runs, spatulas… whatever. What’s the deal with The Don’s? I’m serial. If you would go to that bar if they were open all of the time, raise your magazine and put it on your head. Anybody who has anything to do with The Don’s, if you see somebody with a Nexus magazine on their head, they’re telling you to open. Spencer, I won.

1. What’s the worst act of vandalism you’ve done?

2. What do you think of the guy who smashed up the Bahama Hutt loos?

3. Security on campus: What do you think?

4. Been a victim of crime this year?

5. Who’s breaking into the cars?

1. Took out a mailbox with a speeding car.. my own letter box 2. Don’t know 3. Relatively safe. Unless I’m near Art 4. Had packages stolen from my front door 5. Small furry rodents with a vengeful streak.

Darin

1. Toilet papered 5 houses in 5 hours. Forked the lawn.

2. I don’t really care 3. Not enough security 4. My car was broken into at studville 5. Stupid McStupsted

Kate 1. Shrink wrapped cars 2. Good on ‘em 3. Never seen them 4. Na 5. Batman?

Banana Suit Guy 1. I once… nah I’m an orb 2. I’d like to see him try and smash me 3. I feel safe on campus 4. Someone once confused me with a urinal 5. It’s me

Vag Orb 1. Campus Kiosk 2. Karma 3. Yeah right 4. Ai 5. AJ

Mr. Big

FEATURES

REGULARS AND RANDOMS 03 Caption Competition 03 Magic 8 Ball 04 Hallways 04 Karn 05 Low Five 06 < 07 Editorial 14-17 Lettuce 28-31 WSU 32 AISEC 33 Religion 34 Lectern 35 Puzzle Page 36 Sports Thoughts 36 Procrastinatio di Procrastinatio 37 Agony Art 37 Sarcophagus Rex 38 Boganology 38 The Nerdary 39 A River Runs Through It 39 Phat Controller 40 Moving Pictures 40 Comic Review 41 The Spotlight 42 Book Reviews 43 Movie Review 44 DVDs 45 Citric 46 Gigs 47 BUSTED

18-24 The Annual Nexus Bar Reviews - Vitamin C and able assistants review the road less traveled in the Hamilton bar scene. Then they go to Firecats. As you do.

NEWS

News 6-8 Student security guard fired, guy pisses all over Bahama Hut’s poster and the inevitable happens, Tertiary Challenge news (spoiler: we won) Fat Cats, Students enjoy change of scenery, Vault, Cop Report, and the Nexus Haiku News

NEW STUFF

Another religion column - this one’s about Hare Krishna, on Page 33, and there’s a chit-chat about AISEC on 32. The Spotlight is our theatre column, and it’s on page 41. Hallways is back!- on page 4, and there’s a bunch of hidden spelling and grammar mistakes. Find them all!

Editor: Joshua Drummond (nexus@waikato.ac.nz)

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) Because it’s there.

Design: Talia Kingi (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) Advertising: Tony Arkell (admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz/021 176 6180)

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS

Assistant to the Editor: Andrew Neal (news@nexus-npl.co.nz)

PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR

Music Ed: Carl Watkins (toezee@gmail.com)

ANYONE. TYPING THIS OUT ALMOST MAKES ME REGRET DISABLING MY CAPS LOCK KEY. BUT

Books Ed: Kelly Badman

NOT QUITE.

Film Ed: Art Focker Games Ed: Antony Parnell

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL nexus@waikato.ac.nz OR admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176

Contributors

6180

8 Ball, AJ, Emma, Cam, Vitamin C, WSU, Kirril, Carl Watkins, Chris Parnell, Burton C. Bogan, Nick Sicklemore, Louise Blackstock, Kelly Badman, Jed Laundry, Dr Richard Swainson, Josh, Andrew,

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT

Talia, Matt, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash Medallion, Cyro, Art Focker, Andy Fyers,

Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road,

vitaminC, Marcus WIlson, Mackenzie McCarty,

Hamilton

PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588

By Joshua Drummond

Who watches…

If you check out the news pages this week you’ll see a couple of interesting stories.

One is about a University security guard, a student, who wrote an anonymous letter to Nexus, suggesting that spending money on security instead of flash new buildings might enable them to get some closed-circuit cameras to catch the bastard thieves who infest this campus. And, y’know, have more than one security guard on-site between 12 and 6 AM. He was fired. So he came to us, and we said, “sounds like an interesting story.”

We asked the people responsible why he was fired. The response was a unanimous, cowardly “no comment.” Pathetic. Why not front up about why he was fired and about the issues he raised? Or are they afraid people will think they’re doing a bad job?

Let’s be honest. Security – a general statement, as the job is handled both by University employees and subcontractors – is doing a terrible job protecting student property.

(Although, from what I could see when I rode in to work this morning, they are doing a fantastic job clamping cars.) I don’t know why this is. i don’t think it’s the Security staff at fault, either. What I do know is that student properties, particularly cars parked on campus overnight, are being treated like they’re songs on BitTorrent. Thieves are stealing with utter abandon. To which Security treats us with the advice to “take valuables out of cars.” Sorry, that’s not good enough. While you certainly should take valuables out of your cars, the fact is, the special kind of stupid that is the Hamilton thief will break into your car whether there’s anything in it or not. I know this firsthand. When I lived in the Halls I used to take everything out of my car and leave it unlocked so people could rummage through, if they

felt like it, but not get anything. Didn’t work.

One day I woke up to find my back window smashed in. From the back of the car they’d nicked a sponge and bottle of car shampoo.

little heads off. This has been going on for years. It’s time something was done about it.

They’d broken into an unlocked car. It cost around $300 to fix the damage, even though they’d stolen nothing of value.

This is happening all the time, and the main victims are students. The security guard’s letter pointed out that “there were more than 740 thefts from vehicles in Hamilton up to May of this year. Hamilton East, in particular Knighton Road, are the worst.” Bear in mind these are only the figures that actually get reported. The real figure is probably much worse.

walks into a bar. He’s smashed so he goes into the loos and (allegedly) rips down a poster and pisses all over it. At some stage, burly men appear, bundle him into a back room, and demand to know just what the fuck he thinks he’s playing at. Turns out he’s on Candid Toilet Camera. Things happen – we don’t know exactly what, but the story ends with the guy getting the boot. No, wait, it doesn’t. Dude sobers up, and decides to tell the papers the story of his “mistreatment” at the hands of the bar.

This is the information that the guard was, apparently, fired for distributing. Pointing out there’s something rotten on Campus and suggesting positive solutions is a swift way to lose your job, it seems.

Faced with this kind of thing, you’d expect an outcry from students and a swift response from Security, or, rather, the University, whose job it is to make sure that students and their property are protected on campus. Well, there’s been an outcry all right, but I get the impression students don’t know who to cry to.

The Uni clearly isn’t listening, offering us the dangerous farce of a single guard in the small hours while the thieves roam unmolested. So, what to do?

Here are some ideas. If you’ve had a car broken into, or your security otherwise breached while on campus, write to us. Tell us your stories.

Come and complain in person to the WSU – they’re meant to represent your interests.

Write to the Uni – the Facilities Management division hold the purse strings for Security and things like floodlights and cameras. Write to the Vice-Chancellor. Tell the cops. Complain

The other interesting story: A guy, a student,

To point out the sun-bright obvious, what the hell did he expect? People generally take a dim view of other people (allegedly) smashing and then pissing on their property. Did he perhaps think of picking a better arena – one where he hadn’t just vandalised a property famous for being guarded by burly men? It’s not like Bahama Hut is putting cameras in the cubicles; according to our reporter, the cameras only watch the toilet door, seeing who’s going in and out.

So. This guy did something stupid. Happily, he was caught. The moral: if he’d known he was being watched, he might not have done it.

This applies equally to the University situation.

Who watches the watchmen? You do. What we’re hearing is; at Waikato University, the watchmen aren’t watching anyone.

One last thing: Our Assistant to the Editor/ Campus Reporter, Andrew Neal, is leaving us for a “job” as a “journalist” in “Hawkes Bay.” I think he’s actually running away to Azerbaijan to start a refuge for people who wear very stupid hats, but we’ll miss him all the same.

Thanks mate; you’re a legend.

NEWS ISSUE 17

August 18 2008

news@nexus-npl.co.nz

“Rentacop” gets evicted for suggesting better security Security: “We know nozzing, nozzing!”

By Andrew Neal

A Waikato University student has been fired by security firm ADT (Armourguard) for a “breach of confidentiality” after his Letter to the Editor was printed in Nexus.

Security guard Daniel Van Honk wrote a letter, published in the July 20 issue of Nexus magazine, under the pseudonym of “Your friendly neighbourhood security guy,” suggesting that with a bigger budget, Uni Security could do more to prevent the swathe of break-ins affecting student properties and cars. Days later, he was summoned to a disciplinary hearing, and at the hearing was fired.

Van Honk told Nexus that he was dismissed for revealing “privileged information.”

A letter was sent to Van Honk on July 22 - despite his name not being printed in the magazine - informing him he would be facing a disciplinary hearing.

Present at this meeting was Jennylee Godwin, HR advisor for ADT’s parent company Tyco International, who travelled down from Auckland specifically.

Godwin said she could not give any comment as a dismissal is a “confidential matter.”

Van Honk was given notice of his dismissal because he “failed to honour the confidentiality/ fidelity conditions specified in your employment agreement,” This breach of confidentiality apparently consisted of the printing of a crime statistic – “there were more than 740 thefts from vehicles 8

in Hamilton up to May of this year” – which Van Honk says he found online, but could not remember where.

Van Honk told Nexus that the “breach of confidence” was because the crime statistic was written on a white board during a security team meeting.

Van Honk claims to have never seen this message as he was not working that day.

When asked if he had any involvement with Van Honk’s dismissal, the head of University Security, Ray Hayward said “I can’t confirm or deny anything, it is not a University issue.”

ADT is contracted by the University to provide security officers to patrol the University grounds overnight.

Rupene Amato – a representative from Service and Food Worker’s Union (SFWU) – was at Van Honk’s disciplinary meeting, and calls his dismissal “stupid.”

Amato could not say much about Van Honk’s case due to action SFWU is taking, but did mention “concerns have arisen” over the small number of security guards on campus – between midnight and 6 AM, there is only one guard present.

“There have been assaults on guards, one guard witnessed a gang fight on campus and because he was alone left them to it,” Amato says.

Amato also said that sometimes security guards are sent by ADT to the University, after working

a full shift to make up for the small numbers of guards.

There is “such a culture of fear,” says Amato, “that one guard collapsed on campus from exhaustion and continued working when he came to, for fear of dismissal.”

Van Honk’s letter to Nexus raised issues about the amount of funding security receives.

A former security contractor told Nexus, on the condition of anonymity, that the current campus security arrangements were “rubbish.”

“One security guard at night is total rubbish,” he said. “You need at least three – one in the office and two on patrol. They can’t claim to be offering any kind of security service with what they’ve got right now. It’s unsafe, for security and students.”

Students have been vocal about the lack of security on campus, writing to Nexus about the constant break-ins to cars, and the lack of any real security presence on campus at night. “We want somewhere safe to park. This is a problem that needs looking into sooner rather than later,” said one, in a letter to Nexus.

John Cameron, head of Facilities Management Division, said “the University has enough budget to generate enough security that we think is adequate.”

“The University is an open environment; we’d hate to see it closed off,” said Cameron, when asked if fencing and security cameras should be considered for extra safety on campus.

Student Claims Bar Staff Assault, Breach of Rights

By Art Robinson

University of Waikato student Sam Hulton has made national headlines after he was roughly ejected from a Hamilton bar.

While celebrating his 21st birthday, Hulton - a third year Screen and Media Student -pulled a poster off the wall of the toilets and urinated on it while at the Bahama Hut, a popular bar on Alexandria St. When he then attempted to leave the bar he claims he was detained by bouncers and then ‘dragged by the throat’ into a back

The Bahama Hut have denied these allegations.

The staff then claimed to have seen him on camera, but refused to show Hulton the footage.

At this point Hulton was forcibly removed from the premises and issued a trespass order.

Later, when he asked to have the manager’s name written on it, so as to report the incident to the police, a bouncer allegedly wrote “fuck

room.

u cunt” on the order and threw it into the street.

Clayton Mitchell, the Bahama Hut’s owner, denies Hulton was assaulted in any way, while any damage to his person and clothes occurred during his ejection from the premises.

“The cameras are in place not to spy on people using the toilets but to ensure that patrons and bar property are safe,” Mitchell said. “We go to great lengths to ensure that our patrons are safe.”

Nexus was also shown the damaged Perspex, along with video footage showing patrons and staff entering the toilets around the time the damage was done.

At no point could patrons be seen using the toilet on the footage.

Historically, the female toilets of Bahama Hut have taken more damage, according to Mitchell - a veteran of the industry.

The police refused to take a statement from Mr Hulton on the night of the incident, saying he was too drunk to be of any use at that stage.

Mitchell told Nexus that the Bahama Hut were initially going to let Hulton off for the damage caused, until they discovered that the version of events Hulton was espousing were quite different from their own. Mitchell is hoping to begin proceedings against Hulton in court soon.

Mitchell said Altitude and Axcess Bar have also banned Hulton for his actions at the Bahama Hut. John Lawrenson, owner/operator of Bar101, told Nexus that several bars were looking at blanket bans for repeat offenders in such incidents.

“The thing that bothers me in Hamilton is the violence”, Lawrenson said. “I was in Dunedin bars for seven years and never got hit. Four months in Hamilton and I’ve been hit several times, head butted once. But it’s generally not students doing it.”

Lawrenson also said that drug deals had been detected and stopped in bar toilets through the use of cameras.

Since the incident, the Bahama Hut ‘Bebo’ page has received several comments from people expressing their support for the bar.

Also posted on the page was a link to a sound bite from The Edge, in which DJ Fletch made several insulting remarks regarding Hulton, including, referring to him as a ‘bogan’.

Here, Hulton says, Simon Batters (the Bahama Hut’s general manager) accused the student of destroying a Perspex window and destroying the poster.

Hulton says he offered to pay for any damage he had done, but denied damaging the Perspex. The Bahama Hut staff then demanded $300 as payment. Hulton refused, and claims Batters assaulted him.

“He punched me in the face at one stage and then forced me to the ground where he was punching me in the face a bit more”.

9

Waikato wins Northern Tertiary Challenge, Battle of Bombays Other institutions so shocked they havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t managed to whine yet

By Andrew Neal

Waikato University scooped the 2008 title of the Dominoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Pizza Northern Tertiary Challenge (NTC) on Friday 8 August at Waitakere Stadium, Auckland.

Unitec, from Auckland, followed in second place overall and third place was shared equally

by AUT University, Auckland University and Waikato Institute of Technology (Wintec). â&#x20AC;&#x153;This was definitely our best year,â&#x20AC;? says Philip Gilbert, U Leisure Clubs Development Officer.

The Tertiary Challenge is an annual event organised by University Sport New Zealand and sees students compete in mixed teams.

Since 2006 the Tertiary Challenge concept has extended across the country with events in the three USNZ regions Northern (North of Taupo),

Central (South of Taupo) and Southern (entire South Island).

the Northern region participating in this social sports competition.

During the Tertiary Challenge Auckland and Hamilton teams compete for the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Battle of the Bombaysâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; shield â&#x20AC;&#x201C; which Hamilton also took away.

Netball, Football and Touch Rugby were all won

by Waikato University, with Unitec winning Basketball, AUT University Volleyball and Auckland University collecting the points in the Ultimate Frisbee competition.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;There was a soccer shootout for the Shield which was pretty exciting,â&#x20AC;? says Crystal Murray, University of Waikato Sport Manager.

The competition for the shield came down to the wire after Hamilton teams lost in the volleyball but scooped the win in the netball competition.

Nine institutes competed at the NTC this year, including Te Wananga O Aotearoa who travelled from Rotorua to attend the event.

In total there were over 40 teams from across

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Everyone was fairly well behaved and had a really good time, the frizbee guys were pretty entertaining,â&#x20AC;? says Murray.

Dominoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Pizza and ZMâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Mr Whippy Truck ensured that students didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t go hungry throughout the day, and helped them to actively support and encourage their team mates during some very close finals.

Summer reSearch ScholarShipS 2008-2009 Experience the challenges and rewards of research work

FIELDS OF STUDY AVAILABLE >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>

Applied Linguistics Biological Sciences Chemistry Computer Science Earth & Ocean Sciences Education Engineering Finance Geography History Humanities

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>

Labour Studies Law Music Philosophy & Religious Studies Psychology Screen and Media Studies Social Anthropology Sociology Strategy & Human Resource Management

The University of Waikato Summer Research Scholarships provide promising undergraduate, honours, and first-year masters students from New Zealand and Australia with the opportunity to experience research under the supervision of an established academic.

The Scholarships support a ten-week period of full-time research during the summer study break.

For further information visit the University of Waikato Scholarships website or contact the Scholarships Office, scholarships@waikato.ac.nz (+64 7 858 5136).

School of Science & Engineering and School of Computing & Mathematical Sciences applications close 31 August 2008.

Applications for the other Faculty / Schools close 30 September 2008.

ww w. wa i k a t o. a c . n z /sc holarships

10

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Public sector fat cats?

O hai! We ate your paycheque

With one eye on the upcoming election, public sector unions are pushing for big pay increases to lock in gains for their members before a possible change of government.

“Interestingly, because this study only compares like with like, it appears that higher pay levels in the public sector have little to do with needing to pay more to attract more skilled workers.”

But public servants can hardly claim they’re currently underpaid, according to research by a University of Waikato Management School economist.

Prof Gibson said he could find no justification for the premium in terms of job conditions in the public sector. “Some job factors - like stress - may be

The study, published in the New Zealand Journal of Employment Relations, shows that public sector employees already enjoy a substantial pay premium compared to workers in the private sector.

“The average pay differential between the public and private sector was between 17% and 21%,” says Professor John Gibson.

“The study was based on 2005 data, so given the faster rate of public sector pay rises recently, the premium is likely to be even higher now,” he continues.

Prof Gibson’s study compared workers in the public and private sectors using data from the New Zealand component of the International Social Survey Program Work Orientations Survey – data that’s used for international labour market studies.

An important feature of the survey was that it also captured information on the characteristics of jobs, such as stress and whether hard physical work is involved, and the attitudes of workers to their jobs. No other New Zealand survey captures these details.

“The findings should be a valid estimate of what a given worker would gain when moving from the private to the public sector and doing an otherwise similar job,” says Gibson.

David Bennett MP M P f o r h aM i l t o n e a s t

Phone: 07 834 3407 Email: davidbennett@xtra.co.nz www.davidbennett.co.nz

worse in the public sector, but others - like the work not being physically demanding and not being viewed by the worker as boring - are better than for private sector workers.

In addition, public sector workers appear to benefit much more from a ‘warm glow’ belief that in their job they can help others and that their job is useful to society.

“In competitive labour markets people would be willing to work for less to feel so good about themselves and their jobs. So the fact that public sector workers actually get paid 20% more is evidence of how out of line wage setting has been in the public sector.”

Overview of findings from “The Public Sector Pay Premium and Compensating Differentials in the New Zealand Labour Market”: Public sector workers are: •More highly educated (1.3 years more on average) •More likely to be female (70% vs 46%) •More likely to reside in the Wellington region •More likely to believe a job should be useful to society •More likely to find their job interesting and useful to society •Less likely to do hard physical work •Less able to work independently •More likely to find their job stressful •More likely to find work interferes with family life Premium for public sector work: •Raw premium (based on pay alone): 11% •Including age, education, gender, ethnicity, martial status, location: 13% •Including job attributes: 21%

More info:

http://ideas.repec.org/p/wai/econwp/07-20.html

www.national.org.nz 11

Report finds students enjoy a change of scenery

By Seonah Choi - Salient

The Ministry of Education has recently released a report studying the different routes that New Zealand students took in attaining tertiary qualifications and the impact of this variation on the overall tertiary sector.

The report, ‘Different Tracks’, found 22 per cent of students changed qualifications in the duration of their study, while 19 per cent of students transferred to a different tertiary education provider before they completed a qualification.

The figure was higher for students who progressed to higher-level study after completing a qualification, with 52 per cent of these students changing providers.

The report, however, also found that students who transferred before finishing a qualification were significantly less likely to complete a qualification at the same level as or higher than their original qualification and were more likely to complete a lower-level qualification or still be studying.

Nexus July 21st, 1992

The degree-completion rate after 10 years for students who transferred was 35 per cent, compared with 67 per cent for those who did not transfer

Vol. 24, N.o. 13

Vault

‘National Week of Protest’

By Grant Burns

This week has officially been declared the ‘National Week of Action’ by the New Zealand University Student Association. Students from Auckland to Otago, Wellington to Waikato will be participating in a week-long protest against the Government’s tertiary education policies.

The theme of the Week of Action is: “User-pays – Road to Nowhere”. The official colour for the week of protest is black, as a sign of mourning for tertiary education. All students are encouraged to make a stand and join a demonstration.

The demonstration follows the new Government education proposal of “User-pays”, which has increased fees and reduced access to student allowances.

Campaign Co-ordinator, Mike Erbacher, said that many first-year students don’t realise what education used to be like. He also warned of a “definite increase” in fees for next year as a result of the reduction in funding for universities in the recent Government budget.

NZUSA Vice-President Carl Dawson, “the loan’s scheme and allowance cuts have reduced universities enrolments and are a deterrent for mature and part-time students, and those on lower incomes.”

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“The Government has once again under-funded tertiary education, expecting the institutions and ultimately the students to make up for it.”

East Hamilton Police Burglary Report 4th - 11th August 2008 Last week 10 burglaries occurred in the Hamilton East area – their locations are shown on the map. Though the number has increased, it is still far better that the start of the year.

What we can’t afford is to think that offender(s) aren’t interested in breaking into your flats, because of the rotten weather we’re having.

Sorry to say, but the weather hasn’t deterred the offenders – but they know you think it has.

Please remember that these offenders are in business for themselves. They will do whatever they can to take your items of value. In one incident last week a student returned home to find the offender still in her flat. See saw the offender as he quickly left via the bedroom window, taking a laptop, school bag and headphones.

Another incident saw a student outside cleaning her car during the day.

The offender saw this, so they entered the unlocked flat and stole a bag, three cell phones, wallet and car keys.

It can happen at any time, any day.

Security Advice: Please be more security alert, even if you go out to wash the car. Please hide your items of value away, this makes it harder for offenders to find once inside. They don’t like to take time and would rather be in and out as quickly as possible.

Information on how to protect your home is available from the East Hamilton Community Policing Centre on Clyde St. If you have any information that might help Police with these burglaries please call the University Constable, Nick Sickelmore Nicholas.Sickelmore@ police.govt.nz

Boobs on Bikes man indignant at injunction threat Steve, they’re only plastic tits We can live without them Keep your shirt on

Olympics: A peep behind the Games facade Turns out fireworks faked As far as great graphics go Beijing takes the cake

Winston Peters: I’ve got nothing to fear Peters takes a stance: “I’ve got nothing to fear – except Irrelevance.”

Britney Spears gives first interview in two years Didn’t miss much In two years, she got fat, went mad Took drugs, got knocked up.

Another storm on the way; fears over Waikato River levels Another icy blast…

Remember power saving?

It was a farce.

by Drummond-san

Another storm on the way; fears over Waikato River levels (same headline, different haiku) If Hamilton floods: That be our fate – we’ll Race boats instead of V8’s.

Engine problems on Qantas flight into Auckland Never had an accident? – bad news. Statistics Say it’ll happen.

Under the weather? Blame the season Winter has been rough Drink away your troubles with Some delicious Duff.

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Txts to the Editor!

Nexus now has a non-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. They can be about anything – but if it’s something in the magazine, so much the better. We’ll print the best ones, so get texting! Texts should include a name to attribute them to.

Text of the week wins a mystery prize!

Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Busted-type situations to 021 235 8436.

Can you do it? Yes you can!

Thieving thieves My car was broken into and about $500 worth of damage was done.

The car was parked on the street right beside the car park because like always, it was full. Not a good look for the Uni, considering this is a regular occurrence for residents. Why can’t we have some area on the field to park in with a flood light and a security guard?

Agree with AD Hey Nexus I agree with AD... anyone not a Muslim is called an infidel, who the f**k do they think they are calling me an infidel.

Don’t believe the veneer they portray to the rest of the New Zealand, any religion, doesn’t matter who they are, are here to proselytise, to make converts and they are no different. Muslims who convert to another religion are given shit for changing their minds... in New Zealand that is... death is a real certainty in Middle Eastern countries.

Why would you want to show respect to that?

If that’s how they wish to live their life big ups to ya, don’t bring that shit here.

LT

I’d pay up. So the grounds keepers won’t like it... there’s not enough financial support. Honestly, the student body, which should be put first, do not care. We want some where safe to park. This is a problem that needs looking into sooner rather than later.

-Anon

Disagree with AD #1 or: The only letter we’ve ever gotten with no spelling mistakes.

This is in reply to AD, who stated that you could be put to death in Malaysia for preaching Christianity and/or women’s rights. Not true.

You only get jailed for preaching Christianity _outside of churches_ (which is the reason why evangelical material has the label -- NOT FOR MUSLIMS TO READ), and with women’s rights, you’ll probably get fined for being a public nuisance (You will require police permits to arrange gatherings, and such groups already exist, headed by Datuk Ng Yen Yen).

Malaysia has (apparently) advanced in terms of religious tolerance, thanks to a background of an English legal system inherited from the colonials. However, it needs to be noted that unfortunate deaths while jailed still occur (as with other countries). It is also not officially known (yet) whether Malaysia is a Parliamentary Democracy or a Muslim state

(the debate continues). How do I know this?

I’m a Malaysian. (Fact-checking is an important part of good letters). Good day, Palash Ray

Disagree with AD #2 Dear Editor Assalamu Aleykum Two weeks ago the Uni, Hamilton and all of New Zealand saw an awesome Islam Awareness Week that promoted understanding and tried to do away with misconception of a faith that influences students here @ Waikato, and billions of people around the world.

I’m thankful for your recognition of religion as a major issue in the lives of students here @ our University. People of all faiths all studying @ this University all for the sake of pursuing knowledge, and contributing to New Zealand and even International Society. Nexus, [as a whole] I commend That.

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

PH 07 856 6813 14

FAX 07 856 2255

ADDRESS Gate 5 Hillcrest Road

WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP

EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250

But I noticed a slight [perceived] inconsistency.

You printed an informative and positive article about Islam one week and then the next week, awarded someone for condemning Islam

students how stupid it is the next day, what kind of lecturer would he be?

Regards Taufiq Boldy

What? How does that at all make sense. That’s like a parent giving a cookie for doing the dishes and then smacking them the next time the same kid does the dishes.

They’re not my views: they’re the views of the students. I awarded it Letter of the Week because I thought the letter contained a number of salient points, if a bit crudely stated, that were in the interests of continued debate. Judging from the response, I was right.

Nexus represents a range of views, and they’re certainly not always going to be consistent.

That’s the beauty of free speech.

words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication.

We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to

Yeah, we should have balanced views but not lean towards great extremes, well not in such a short space of time.

you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name.

Send letters to nexus@

This is not anger, and we don’t like continuing the issue, but you know, Nexus needs to be more responsible and more consistent. We are at University here. If for example I presented contradictory views in the same essay, people would not completely understand it and question my credibility. C’mon. If a Psychology Lecturer told his students about how good Psychology is one day and then told his

Now you’ve done it My flatmates and I needed a sofa for our living room in our dorm. We found one on the side of the road and carried it 4 miles to the dorm, and it took over an hour to get it into our room. In the process, we put giant holes in the ceiling and almost ripped the sprinklers off the

waikato.ac.nz

WHAT PROBATION? Arran has just graduated and has been offered a job but his contract contains a 3 month probationary period. Is this legal?

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge database to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1 – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 8384466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB. By the way, the probationary period is legal, but with certain safeguards. If Arran is made redundant within the 3-month period, the employer must indicate that there are irreconcilable differences and has taken steps with the employee to remedy the problem beforehand.

The Employment Relations hotline can offer you valuable advice about employment at 0800 800 863.

15

ceiling (it was a big couch, so we had to move it upright through the hallway). It was a great couch, but it smelled at first, but that went away after a few days.

Fast forward 7 months to today. We’re all moving out today, and we needed to get rid of the couch, or else we’d all be fined a huge amount of money to have staff move it out.

So one of my roommates, his girlfriend and I all busted up the couch into “small” pieces and put it into the rubbish room on our floor.

There were shards of wood and pieces of fabric and springs littering the trash room. There was so much material that made the couch that whenever someone opened the trash room door, parts of the couch would come crashing

the pillows for the seat of the couch to the hallway, and ran back into the room after I saw the workers still out there trying to bag the couch. I hope they don’t see the wood splinters and pieces of fabric on our living room floor and figure out that we were the ones that left the couch in the garbage’ Some Guy

out. About an hour after we put the remants of the couch in the trash room, staff came to empty the rubbish. I looked outside into the hallway and they all looked incredibly pissed off. They were trying to put the pieces of the couch into trash bags, which wasn’t working, because the thousands of little staples and wooden shards kept on ripping the bags to pieces. A little while later, I carried out

bye From Adam Lennon Purdy

Confused? This guy is.

I just thought I’d write in to let all the semiattractive girls in studying bit of the library know that every male in an 80 desk radius is looking at your underpants when your studying.Not me though.cos i like guys.

(Just so you know – if you want to keep your letters anonymous, you should probably say so. – Ed.)

UW SP ORT

uni games 2009

TARANAKI positions vacant!

Team Manager Wanted!

We are seeking a reliable, motivated and enthusiastic person to organise and promote the 2009 Uni Games in Taranaki.

Applications close 10 Sept.

Send resume to: cmurray@uleisure.co.nz Also seeking: - Cluster Managers - Sports Managers email cmurray@uleisure.co.nz

cMURRaY@UlEisURE.co.nz

UW SPORT

M a n aG E D BY

16

s U p p o R t E D BY

Guys with American accents turn me on.

I know it’s not “cool” to think that because what? Their president went to war in Iraq? Big f***ing deal hippies.

War is part of the human condition. Pick up any modern OR ancient history text book and you’ll see thousands of years of human history shaped by war. It’s natural for us, unsavoury as it may be.

Know what would happen if the US didn’t maintain military preponderance? North Korea would f*** up the South, China would have no reason not to mutilate Taiwan, and dozens of shit-kicking countries around the world would lose billions of dollars of aid every year.

The US is far from perfect but pull your head out of your ass and think what the alternative would be. And be realistic, hippie.

I’d like to finish with a quote from South Park: “Hippies: they talk about changing the world but all they do is smoke weed and smell bad.” :) Thanks for listening, Yankee doodle

Oh noes, not your mags!

Dear Nexus My flatmate and i recently went for a late night drive to the local Burger King, to get sundaes. Not only did we have to wait for like 15 fucking minutes in the line but we finally get to the speaker box and it tells us there sundae machine is broken.

WTF? why is there sundae machine always broken and where the fuck is there sign to inform the patrons. We totally had to curb our mags driving over the curb to get to mcdonalds. Burger King pick ur game up pissed off chocolate sundae lovers

The art of sarcasm?

Ed! Your hammy pictures. Has RED PEOPLE! OMG. I love the colour red. I rekn it luks good on me… Yea! Red people are awsm.

Are u red? Ed? omg that rhymes. Red and ed.. yep hamiltns a shit sponge.. Bt its got red people, no hamiltns a shit spoge..

Bt its got red people, no social life, gay nightclubs, sleezy fobs, farms that smell of shit which greets us evry mrnin…. And..

The awsmest uni wit the best MAG EVA! =D That’s why we love it! – maf

I’ll be there Hey its English laura th hotties at 36notty shall be havin a raging party next Thursday come wearin summert that wud shock your mother

Because he’s such a hottie, and the Designer thinks so too Why is Tiki Taane shirtless?

More importantly, why is he on your front cover ya know, half-nud?

The Game The game ftw hah you lose from hondamuncher

Rentacop speaks the truth again, but they can’t fire him now (They already did.)

Sup nexus. 10 cars broken in2 Monday in braod daylight silverdale rd area. Mre since.

Just thort id point dat out 4 ur stats. I was ryt.

Frm rentacop.

Yes he did Finlay (second name deleted) got poned.

But this girl is a bit of a Whore who needs to stick a chill pill up her ass to get to her blood stream quicker.

Yes he should Fucking aye liam finn should win

JOURNALISM! Now that we’ve got your attention… SEX! Wait, what? Sorry. We’ll start again. Nexus is looking for someone to fill the large shoes of the Campus Reporter/ Assistant Editor position. Ideally, you’ll be keen to sniff out local news and mysteries of all kinds and write ‘em up, as well as doing the myriad and exciting tasks that can only happen at the Waikato’s only student magazine.

It’d be nice if you had some previous journalistic experience, but it’s not absolutely necessary. For further information, email westd@wsu.org.nz.

If you’re interested, prepare a folio of work and your CV and send to: The Editor c/o David West, Waikato Students Union Private Bag 3059, Hamilton Or drop them off in person to WSU reception.

17

The Annual

Nexus Bar Reviews

words by vitaminC review team: C, Emma, and Cam.

Part One

In which our intrepid reviewers get well smashed “Woe unto them that rise up early in the morning, that they may follow strong drink”

- Isaiah 5:11

The other day I thought I’d write a story for everybody. Has everyone had to listen to some ramble from their mate about the hazy minutia of their great night out? Nexus has one of those for you. Once upon a time, three thirsty university students decided to go to every bar they could in one night to save everyone else the trouble of doing it.

It was a dark and stormy winter, and Nexus hadn’t bar reviewed since a couple of years ago now, because vitaminC can’t get weekend nights off work, and more shockingly because in a University full of wannabe party people, not one person went up to Nexus and said ‘Hey you guys are always looking for features, how about I go to all the bars and write about it?” Your loss, bitches.

This is part one of the review, where we tried to go to the places that you might not be sure about. That means the new places, the small places, or the big old places that might be a little different now from that one time you went in however long ago. Places like Outback, Bahama Hut, Altitude and Axcess that are still more or less the same as they have always been, will be covered next time we go out, which will be anytime after this is published. If you are reading this and you are at one of those bars and are in charge of the awesome, switch on all of your sparkling lights right now! We could be there.

As evening retreated into night, three confident figures approached the subdued lighting of Victoria Street, barely avoiding the trample of the Nexus review team as we made a beeline for Amber Lounge and its promises of sweet aqua vitae. Amber Lounge is right up at the start of Vic St. next to The Bank, where it was formerly known as Distractions, which was formerly known as Mooses, which is what most people probably remember. As its name advises, this is a lounge environment, and I feel pretty confident in saying that it was coloured amber, or at least something orangey. The music bounces around upbeat funky jazz, which makes for a good background beat but is also fantastic live, which really is the way to experience it. On some nights there are DJs and live musicians to cater for this, but there was nothing on when we went in. The dance-floor area is left looking Spartan when it’s empty, but the seating along the sides, and the bay window that looks out to some on-

18

street couches and braziers draw you out to the street front for a great social and relaxed vibe that downtown Hamilton doesn’t see enough of.

We sat at the big window and laid out some rough plans for the night, while checking out the drinks. There was a deal on for two cocktails for $17, which isn’t bad at all seeing as the current cost of living is something like $7 for a pint. The drinks themselves were made neatly, the cocktail list wasn’t too fancy, and the service was quick and tidy, so while the drinks weren’t mind-blowing, they complimented the rest of the place perfectly. What a lot of people forget when they’re bitching about drinks prices is that you aren’t just paying for the ingredients, you are paying for the music, lighting, seating, service; basically everything you experience at a venue that you wouldn’t get from sitting around in your lounge high-fiving your mates over how many tobasco + agavero funnels you can do before you shit yourself. So to rate the bar somehow, Amber Lounge really nails what it’s trying to do. It’s putting itself out there as a lively environment where you can still relax, as opposed to a low-key den where people “chill out” in the corner. If you think that it sounds like you’ll like it, then I’m saying that you will. If you don’t think you’ll like it, then you should exercise your democratic right to not go there. An interesting aspect of this bar was that Emma had seen lots of people in here with cool hats, and no-one was wearing cool hats, so we wondered where the people in cool hats were. While we were wondering I overheard someone say that their drink was the fruitiest drink they’d had all day, so I approached the bar and asked for their fruitiest drink. I tried it, and while I was analysing the fruitiness I passed it around to Emma and Cam. We all agreed it was the fruitiest drink we’d had all day. After some brief discussion with the barman about the ways of the world and the impact of the current economy on Hamilton’s hospitality industry, we asked him where to go next.

A group of young men, spirits boosted after boosting spirits out of a licensed premise by hiding shotglasses in their socks, round a corner. It’s a simple plan, and with the promise of wooing some Hot Mamas the consequences were as far from their minds as the opening ceremony of the 29th Olympiad exploding into view on a nearby flatscreen TV. He didn’t know it at the time, but a few weeks later one of them would learn a lesson. While reading Nexus, he would discover that Sekure

It was a dark and stormy winter, and Nexus hadn’t bar reviewed since a couple of years ago now, because vitaminC can’t get weekend nights off work, and more shockingly because in a University full of wannabe party people, not one person went up to Nexus and said ‘Hey you guys are always looking for features, how about I go to all the bars and write about it?”

Your loss, bitches.

19

A whole bunch of white guys in caps and open white hoodies and white shoes and puffy satin boxers showed up, so we decided it was time for the next place.

has been around for a while, but while doing a bit of prep for the reviews by asking a whole bunch of people a whole bunch of questions, it kept coming up as a question mark for a lot of people so we thought we’d go check them out

philosophise along the “I just wanna get drunk for cheap” lines, but it’s worth noting that it’ll cost you a lot less to get hammered on quality drinks that on however many cheap beers it normally takes. Don’t forget that the

outside with their drinks to clarify their thoughts and then get them on to paper. And who was that stud wearing the Miami Vice t-shirt?

again. Also, the bar guy told us to go there next, and also there’s a guy there who makes killer Godfathers, although he wasn’t there the night we went in. The name of the game at Sekure is entertainment at every level, with a particular focus on the bar itself being as much as an attraction as the music and atmosphere.

This leads to that fact that Sekure has one of the top bars around, with quality ingredients, attention to detail and entertaining service.

I had a chin-wag with top dog Sean about where Sekure stands amongst the Hamilton scene, and the primal part of my brain that only whiskey and amaretto can unlock asked a few questions about how the current economy is affecting the hospo scene.

purpose of a cocktail is to get you as fucked as possible from something that you can drink like juice. Also don’t forget that the drinks are still really well priced, and they’re nowhere near what they might cost if the exact same bar was sitting in Auckland. I’m pretty sure I’ve never paid over $20 for a drink, which is pretty damned good considering some of the drinks I’ve had there. A little note here; if you think that putting in too much ice or not filling your bourbon and coke to the top is a bars’ way of ripping you off, then you should exercise your democratic right to not go to a good cocktail bar. One of the bar staff mentioned that a drink they’d been designing was the fruitiest drink they’d had all week, so I asked for this fruitiest of drinks. I tried it, and while I was analysing the fruitiness I passed it around to Emma and Cam. We all agreed it was the fruitiest drink we’d had all week.

My commentary stops here, but luckily Emma filled a page in the notebook with bullet-points that sum up the unfolding scene much better than I could:

“Stop cutting prices!” Sean insists, “It cheapens what we do”. He explained that his bar takes pride in its products, and his staff take pride in their service. Discounting drinks is saying to your customers that the product is worth less, which is not the case at Sekure.

The quote of the night is “Why would you ask for a $4 cocktail? All you are going to get is a $4 cocktail.” I guess the issue here is where you want to set your personal standards. A lot of people would be offended or embarrassed if they went into a bar with a $500 Sony sound system, so why should drinks be any different? At Sekure you might be paying more, but you are getting more value. You’re in a well maintained environment where you don’t have to have learned Jeet Kune Do just in case you bump into someone, there are top DJs providing the music, and there are bar staff making your drinks the way they should be made. Obviously this is still all dependent on personal taste. Lots of people tend to 20

Things were picking up, the night was starting to buzz, and the alcohol was loosening up all the right inhibitions for the intrepid investigators as they sat at the table outside Sekure. The drinks were just right and ‘Low’

by Flo Rida was playing over the speakers; they knew it must be a good song because they’d seen it on C4 a few times. The four girls had never been to a big city before; the bright lights of Matamata had been eclipsed by the fluorescent beckoning of the drinks fridge, and the soft purr of suburbia was being muffled by the aggressive ballad of an African-American rapper and his dance-floor adventures. Their hearts quickened as they spotted three people who were undoubtedly the Nexus bar review team. They didn’t know what Nexus was, but these people were quite clearly heading

• If we wanted to hear ‘Low’ by Flo Rida we’d go to the Outback.

• Eclectic mix of alternative types.

• A lot of caps worn to side (there were arrows indicating direction) or backward • Bouncer with leather gloves => creepy • Interesting ginger haired man – wearing all olive drab/military green trying to entertain bouncer: Hair matches wicked boots • Also has toothpick in mouth.

A whole bunch of white guys in caps and open white hoodies and white shoes and puffy satin boxers showed up, so we decided it was time for the next place. Once we’d left, we realised we hadn’t asked where to go next, but since no-one was willing to brave the Chav Brigade inside, I decided we’d check out Shebeen, because it was right next door and also I’d always wondered what it was. I’d heard it described as an African Sports Bar, but this conjures up several different images. One such image is walking into a bar with lion heads all over the walls and every person there is the hunter from Jumanji and they all want to shoot me. Obviously I’d had no compulsion/balls to confirm this, so here was my chance.

Turns out that African Sports Bar means it’s a bar, the guy whose bar it is hails from South Africa, and there are TVs with sports on them.

Shebeen is an African name for a bar or pub that caters to a township, and the bar aims to capture that kind of vibe. It’s a café during

the day, and at 4pm it turns over to a bar atmosphere. The distinction here is that it’s a very social environment; the lighting is brighter that what a lot of people have come to expect from a late night bar, and the focus is less on

to Fat Bellies down the road. Cam and I hit up the bar and Emma grabbed the notebook and went for gold:

music and more on conversation and having a drink, making it a very nice place to chill out.

There are booths as well as tables, but the star attraction here is the bar. The selection caters to Kiwi tastes just as well as any other watering hole we have in Hamilton, but there’s also a comprehensive selection of African beers and spirits, chosen to present an analogue to what we are used to drinking. For example, I was drinking bourbon so our host introduced me to African Brandy, which doesn’t resemble the Brandy we know (just kidding, I know none of you animals drink Brandy) so much as it has a very smooth bourbon flavour. Similarly, we were acquainted with cane vodka, which is vodka made from cane sugar. It was a lot clearer (taste wise) than the Russian vodkas and some of the Kiwi vodkas that everyone uses, and while top range Kiwi and Russian express their flavours with a kind of characteristic edge, the flavours in this cane sugar vodka were much smoother. My head thanked me for it the next morning too; if I’d had regular in place of it then I would have been a lot worse for wear. Just to add in here, they also serve biltong, and while I’m no connoisseur I love the stuff and this was the best I’ve ever had. If a little change of scenery sounds like your thing I really recommend dropping in and checking the place out. Have a chat to the man behind the bar whose name I can’t tell you because I lost his card and my notes are gibberish. He sells quart (crate) bottles. Full ones! My notes also have the lyrics to ‘Ánother Night’ by Real McCoy, because I think it was playing. I certainly hope so.

• Man wearing shorts • Band • Ewww Gross • Bogans • Scary • Bartender has massive tits • Purple wars • Screaming Singer • Everything looks too dirty to touch.

Asking where to go next was quickly forgotten in a haze of cane vodka, so we rocked on over

• My shoes are sticking to the carpet

So yeah Fat Bellies is awesome. My shoes were sticking to the floor too, which is great because it means I don’t have to sweat about the inevitable spillage that you get when you are holding a drink and there’s live music playing.

The band were doing old Blink 182 covers when we came in, which I thought was pretty awesome, and then they started on Enter Sandman after that so no complaints there.

I guess the coolest issue here is that while the above list is comes from someone who is not into that pub and rock scene, it actually reads pretty well for someone with different tastes. Going back to what I said earlier about rating a bar on how well it captures the vibe that it’s trying to advertise, Fat Bellies also scores well. It’s like a giant party in someone’s lounge. I had a chat to one of the dudes on the bar about the place and its crowd, and he reckoned they did well as a place where people just come to rock out. There’s a fun atmosphere, great live music, and great bar staff, and great people who come in and have a good time. There are a couple more favourable mentions scribbled in the notebook about the big breasted bar lady, but may I just point out that she was doing a fantastic job on the bar, and bartending to a bunch of drunk rockers isn’t always easy, let alone

when none of them can make eye contact with you. Another note is that there was no lemon or lime in the Corona, but to be honest that won’t be your biggest concern if you are into this kind of nightlife. Remember that the main goal of these reviews is to help you judge which bars will suit your tastes, so you can go to the ones you like and if they don’t sound like your thing, you can always exercise your democratic… you know the story.

Three young people cross a road. They are going from Fat Bellies to Rodeo Rodeo.

Rodeo has been around for a while now, so it has carved out its niche and to be honest it’s not very studenty. I don’t just mean typically student, but even with the wide variety of tastes across the student population I don’t think very many people will be into this. We are still covering the place because we went there, and Emma made some more funny notes: • Lots of old people • Bouncers - tight shirts • wanker stance • Dickhead in cowboy hat bordering on sexual harassment case • He is also extremely ugly • Freakishly tall men • Theme is somewhat homosexual • no lemon with tequila Rodeo is very small, so is often very packed.

Packed to the point where it’s a lot of people standing up next to each other, with a few tiny gaps around some people who are moving slightly to the music. You can hear a lot of Johnny Cash and Bruce Springsteen in there, and while that doesn’t sum up the music 100% it describes its target pretty well. I’m trying to describe this place neutrally but it’s very difficult because I am under thirty. It clearly appeals to people who are a bit over the 21

What a lot of people forget when they’re bitching about drinks prices is that you aren’t just paying for the ingredients, you are paying for the music, lighting, seating, service; basically everything you experience at a venue that you wouldn’t get from sitting around in your lounge high-fiving your mates over how many tobasco + agavero funnels you can do before you shit yourself.

club thing, or don’t want to look like the dirty old men on a dancefloor.

Instead it’s just all of those people packed into one place, but hey they look like they were enjoying themselves. Girls, if you’re interested, a student friend of mine told me once she met a guy in there and he bought her a new dress and ear-rings and took her out for dinner over the space of a couple of weeks and she only had to sleep with him a couple of times. So you could say the place is a good goldmine, if you don’t mind doing a bit of digging. Anyway, we stayed as long as took to write a few notes and do some tequila, and then we exercised our democratic right to leave, just as we heard someone at the bar say “That was the fruitiest cocktail I’ve had all month!” I approached the bar and asked for their fruitiest drink. I tried it, and while I was analysing the fruitiness I passed it around to Emma and Cam. We all agreed it was the fruitiest drink we’d had all month.

The notebook says that the next place we went to was The Bank Bar & Brasserie. The Bank has been known as the old school nightclub in the past, but in the two years since we did the last bar reviews the Hamilton hospo scene has changed considerably, with a surge in the number of bars going for that slightly older and classier crowd. It’s still by far the biggest venue outside the Outback/Bahama Hut/Bar101 circuit though, with a big long bar and sizeable dancefloor. During the day it is one of the regions top casual restaurants, but obviously the review was focussed on the bar side of things. The building itself is iconic; it’s that first big white building you see on the corner of Hood and Vic. We stumbled in to check it out, and find out where it fits into the new scene. The bar is right ahead of the door, so we ordered a few drinks and got to reviewing. The first thing that became apparent from looking around is the spread of clientele. The dance-floor was made up of mostly the student age-group pumping away to some charts music, but there was still that sprinkling of slightly older women that The Bank has been known for. You know; the hot ones. A couple of the leaners further into the bar were surrounded by older guys downing pints, and it looked like there were tables of smokers out in the garden bar but I couldn’t see that far very well. Service has always been a huge distinction point at The Bank: our drinks came quickly and professionally.

A point we made in the last bar review about the bouncers received a lot of questions from people, but I’ll stick by it and point out the door and security team are unnervingly friendly. Maybe it’s a throwback to the old chestnut of “Speak softly and carry a big stick” but the guys in red out front are always courteous and relaxed, and there’s surprisingly little trouble. Dan the manager was laying down some beats in the DJ 22

booth while we were there so I ducked in and asked him some questions after making a psychedelic trip across the dancefloor. I’ll just mention here that the dancefloor has seen a huge facelift in the last couple of weeks, so it’s worth checking it out just to see if you like it. Better lighting racks, lasers, and a screen on one wall showing the videos or other visuals has really energised the whole place, at least on the night that we were in, so the pace is a lot faster, which better suits the current nightclub trends Don’t forget that there’s a respectable dress code, so if you like scrubbing up and going somewhere a bit nicer, give it a shot. If you don’t like it, you can always exercise your democratic right to leave.

We had previously reviewed Furnace, but on an earlier night, because we decided that while it very much fits the category of a bar, its niche is quite different from any of the other places around. Also, their pizzas are the best which is a perfect excuse to go there. While they open late, Furnace has a great atmosphere that can best be described as a really late evening drinking environment. Kind of if you were to capture that hour where after-work drinks progress into clubbing. There’s a dancefloor and some funky music, but it never gets too heavy, and the real attraction is sitting down and drinking in a really classy bar environment. The booths, leaners couches and tables are all inviting and comfortable and there’s a really social vibe in the area in front of the bar.

Furnace also has some top staff and service, and overall makes a great place to kick off your night or wind up your evening.

If it seems that the last few paragraphs contained a lot less hilarious witticisms and a lot more desperate attempts to remember what happened, well I regret to inform you that it actually started happening way up the near the start of the article. I know that we went to check out Kremlin, but after finding it closed we went to Bar 101 even though we already knew that it was awesome. In the off-chance that you haven’t been there yet, Bar 101 is Hamilton’s only student bar, and by that I mean that they don’t just cater to young folks, but to the people with those magical little red (blue if you’re a Tech student – Ed) ID cards in their wallets. That’s you! The place has really taken off since it’s opened and a lot of the student crowd has gotten behind it, and it is a really nice place. Every time I’ve been in, including this night, the bar was filled with some really cool people, dressed well, having fun, and partying hard. It’s really good to see something like this in Hamilton, and while places like Outback and Bahama Hut do a great job catering to the young’uns, the focus on people who are studying does add that extra something. I interviewed barman extraordinaire Gordy, and I’m really

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sorry mate but I can hardly remember a thing and my notes frighten me.

What I will do instead is remind all you lovely ladies that Gordy will take care of you on the bar like no other, just tell him that Nexus sent you.

Cam told me the other day that we actually went to Pie Lab, and I have very vague memories of this but he assured me it was great and I had a great chat to a guy who was working there. Sure enough some of my notes mention Pie Lab with notes like “Dance Oriented, High Energy, Short Playlist, Whatever gets you pumping, $3 shots”. This sounds good so everybody go there. Then again, some of my notes also appear to say “I love your face”, “unsaeanmeny”, and “carnival hat liqueur”.

Check out the scans of some of the pages, since our photography leaves something to be desired.

Apparently, Cam and I decided to review Firecats. I can’t remember much except when I went to pay for a lap dance, the guy told me that

my card declined so I have him a handful of shrapnel from my pocket (at least $15 worth) and told him to try again. Everything went fine, but the next morning I checked my account and I’d been charged twice, for the full amount. Also, I overhead some girl telling her friend that her drink was the fruitiest drink she’d had all year. Slurring, I asked the girl at the bar for her fruitiest drink. She made it, and I took a taste. While I was analysing its fruitiness I split some of it on the floor, and we all agreed that it wasn’t very fruity.

To the places we haven’t been yet; you’re next! And finally, many thanks to everybody who accommodated us and took the time out to chat with us, we know you are all very busy. To hospo workers everywhere, whenever I think about who I respect the most, you are right there, serving me alcohol.

Making the World go Around

Quote Board

One of the lines of questioning I followed when I was able to form intelligible questions was about the current recession environment, and how it affected the hospitality industry. This is especially relevant for students, who haven’t exactly got it the greatest when it comes to disposable income. Most responses I got were that hospo is typically quite resilient to recession, since basically alcohol is the last thing to go. People tend to cut costs elsewhere by driving less, buying cheaper toilet paper, all that kind of thing, but use the savings to treat themselves. For a lot of people this is going out on the weekend and having a good time, or even just going out for dinner. That said, things have slowed down recently, as the economic situation develops, one big way that has been happening over the last few years is people only going out once a weekend. Three years ago, Friday nights were bigger than what Saturdays currently are, and Saturdays were bigger still. The proliferation of the more boutique styled bars has hurt everybody in general, since the market has been spread a little thinner, although ultimately they are catering to the kind of people who want to be seen as high class, or able to spend big even when times are a little tougher. A lot of places that cater to daytime customers, especially cafes and small bistros, are feeling the pinch, although it was interesting to hear a couple of the bigger daytime venues say that their lunches and especially dinners had become more popular, since they can use their size to better adjust to peoples financial requirements. The student market is more or less immune to the external effects of the economy chiefly because drinking and night-time entertainment is so entrenched in student culture, but a very interesting point was made that the amount of money students have from their allowances and loans doesn’t really change along with economic factors. Students have been getting the same amount of money for years now, regardless of inflation or anything like that, and students always get paid at a student rate.

Food for thought, huh.

Here’s where we let some of hospitality workers anonymously record a few messages to you, the customer:

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Put in the effort when you go out. Dress up! Experiment and try new things, you never know what you might like.

Chill the fuck out.

If you get denied because you are too pissed, then man up and deal with it. Nine times out of ten it’s nothing personal.

Relax and chill out, you are supposed to be out having fun.

Do I come to where you work and ask for free cars, clothes, home loans… dickhead. Why is piss any different? P.S. Don’t judge my fuckin service.

Take it easy guys, who goes out for a drink and a dance and ends up in a fight?

Girls, you need to have more self respect.

Thanks for making Hospo such a fun place to work! Most of the time.

If you don’t like it here, then it’s probably because we don’t want you here. Instead of bitching about the prices or the music, go home.

If you get turned away at the door because of intoxication, it means you are too fucked. Sober up or go home.

Oi! Enrol to

vote.

18 or older? Make sure you're enrolled to vote in this year's General Election. It's so easy!

Visit ivotenz.org.nz or Freetext your name & address to 3676 or visit a PostShop or call 0800 ENROL NOW (0800 36 76 56) for an enrolment form Y&RELE0678_NEX

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Electoral Enrolment Centre, PO Box 190, Wellington 6140.

13/6/08 4:24:56 PM

It was the perfect finale to an amazing day with Waikato taking out 3 of the events, Touch, Netball and Football, we were crowned overall winners for the first time in the history of the event

Northern Tertiary Challenge…WAIKATO WHAT!

By AJ

Wow, what a day, it was the 8th day of the 8th month of the 2008th year and also the opening of a slightly larger sporting event, the Beijing Olympics!

It was an extremely early start to the day with the Hawaiian-themed bus leaving at 7am and in true fashion I was the last to arrive and held up the bus till 7.15. With a contingent of nearly 60 students from the Wakachang, the Tribe was strong and we represented every one of the six sports, except for Basketball. There were no surprises with the large size of the team when a day in Auckland filled with fun, sport and free pizza and ice creams only cost $25. Way too easy.

The Ultimate Frisbee team had liquored themselves up pre-bus ride and this was evident when 30mins into the trip the females were calling for a toilet-stop, god it’s good to be a guy sometimes. Those girls will never run as fast as they did to the loo once we finally stopped at the mighty Waitakere Stadium.

The weather was forecasted to rain but luckily for all this was not the case, with beautiful blue skies a-high it was a godsend to be outside getting active. The six sports were Ultimate Frisbee, Volleyball, Touch, Basketball, Football (Soccer), and Netball and Waikato were confident that we could take at least a one or two of them out. Also contested was the Battle of the Bombays Shield with Auckland University, with the winner being the first Uni to win 3 of the 5 clashes.

With only 3 Ultimate Frisbee teams, the scantily-clad Waikato team needed to cultivate just one win to make the final. Perhaps affected by their alcohol consumption, the crew ended up second best, well actually third best. However, they were definitely the best dressed team and gave it everything (on the field and the bench) in their two encounters.

The Waikato Volleyball team were a very diverse mix of both culture and sizes and with the team being thrown together at the last minute, they had a tough task. The team gelled and played incredibly well together. But with the likes of Israel Falou’s brother amongst the opposition, they were no match against the big guns of the sport. They were definitely the most enjoyable to watch in the sport with some impressive lineout moves at the net which would put Ali Williams to shame.

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Being 2-0 down to Auckland in the Battle of the Bombays it was up to the touchies to get 1 on the board for the Tribe. They stormed through pool play and dominated anyone in their path to the final including the jaffas.

They were a well drilled side and unlike the other touch teams; they had more females and with two male injuries in the final they took out the title with only one male on the pitch, epic effort guys!

Heading back inside the stadium, the Netballers were showing form against the rest of the bunch and weaved their way to the final also.

With the destruction of Auckland and also a talented Wintec side in the final the round-ball fiddlers locked up the Battle of the Bombays at 2-2 and more importantly gave Waikato an unexpected chance of taking the overall title for the day.

Last event was the soccer, and this was largely part to frequently losing balls down the gully but also the fact that both semi-finals went to penalty shootout. There was no sweeter way to take out the Battle of the Bombays than in a penalty shootout in the semi-final. Half the job was done but one team (Unitec) lay in the way of completing the unthinkable. With the support from the Tribe cheering on the hill the final again reached cliffhanger status with the winner to be decided via penalty shootout. In the end the difference was our talented girls (7 out of the 12 in the team) and the fact of putting every part of your body on the line.

It was the perfect finale to an amazing day with Waikato taking out 3 of the events, Touch, Netball and Football, we were crowned overall winners for the first time in the history of the event. The bus ride back over the Bombays was a loud one with Whetu and Ryan fiddling a few strings on the gat and many a voice being lost. BAR101 then hosted a cheeky Hawaiian after-party with any Tribe members receiving a free drink on entry and discounted drinks all night. There were plenty a sore head the next morning I tell ya. Thanks to everyone that helped out make the event what it was, couldn’t have done it without you.

Congratulations to Waikato for taking both the Northern Tertiary Challenge and Battle of the Bombays titles on foreign turf! The Tribe will be a furious force to reckon with in Taranaki at UniGames in 2009, well done champs.

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It’s that time of year where everyone is in B semester “heads down” mode. Maybe it has something to do with the weather, but everyone is just a little bit more serious then they are in the summer. Assignments are due, the work load gets a little heavier and it gets harder to catch up with your mates.

Speaking of mates… I met with our Chancellor, Jim Bolger last week before Council and got the chance to speak one on one about important student issues. This included the considerable financial strain that many of you face while undertaking your studies and the lure of the “real world” to get a “real job” to earn “real money”. The Chancellor’s advice to us all was to commit to completing our studies, because quality education and qualifications are more important now then ever before. Jim is a pretty busy guy these days, what with being the Chairman of NZ Post, Kiwibank and more recently KiwiRail and before I went to the meeting your VP Maori – Pene Delaney, told me to tell Jim that if he was looking for someone to run KiwiRail that he had a train set at home and was pretty good at making the train go round and round… Pene might have a Masters in Strategic Management but considering this latest state asset

Upcoming Events

Jeff Hawks

Keep an eye on nexus for fun to come. First week back from recess sees ADULT LEARNERS WEEK and munchies on Wednesday, also a recycling initiative from the ENVIRONMENTAL department of WSU, where you can score more kai and more free stuff! September 19 brings us INTERNATIONAL TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY, I see this as an opportunity to reflect on people who perform in the face of adversity, pegged legged, hooked hands or patched eyes, the romantic notion of pirates still strike fear into the hearts of landlubbers despite appearing to be ably challenged (?).

TROLLEY DERBY coming up – OCT 11th, I have my money on the DEMON SKATEBOARDERS to take it out, are any other clubs up to the challenge?

Last week I gave you all a brief introduction to Shannon, the first face that many of you see when you come to your WSU reception. But did you ever get the feeling that while you were talking to Shannon someone was watching your back? Don’t panic it’s not one of your Directors checking you out, it’s probably Kirsty and yes while she does have an ‘official’ title, like Shannon she does many other jobs that many of us don’t realise let alone say thanks for.

Kirsty has been watching WSU’s back for awhile now mainly through her work with our accounts, but she is also a wealth of knowledge regarding WSU history and just because she knows the WSU history doesn’t mean she has been here since the beginning and you would be braver than me if you were to call her old....

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was purchased for millions and millions of dollars, you can’t blame the Chancellor for opting for experience rather then passion in this instance sorry Pene… back to the PhD. I also met with our Vice Chancellor, Roy Crawford and one of the topics we discussed was the issue of the University introducing paid parking to staff and students. You might recall the news article about it in last week’s Nexus. I’m happy to report to you that my understanding of the situation is that there are no plans to make this change and I’m confident that any decisions to move in this direction would happen with consultation of the student body.

Lastly, the WSU are writing a strategic plan. We would like to set some long term goals for the organisation rather then operating from a year to year basis. But to do this, we need to know what you think. Please come along to our consultation meetings, where you will have the chance to speak with members of WSU and tell us what direction you think we should be heading.

Student Questions/ Feedback Who can enrol to vote in the New Zealand elections?

Basically, you are qualified to enrol if: • you are 18 years or older • you are a New Zealand citizen or permanent resident and • you have lived in New Zealand for one year or more without leaving the country There are some restrictions. These are listed on the enrolment form.

Do I have to enrol to vote in the New Zealand elections if I am eligible?

You are required by law to enrol to be registered on the Parliamentary Electoral Roll. If you do not enrol you could be fined up to $100 on the first offence and up to $200 on any further offences.

However, unlike in some countries, voting is not compulsory in New Zealand.

How can I enrol to vote in the New Zealand elections?

Come see us at the WSU – we can give you a copy of the form you need to fill out (its really simple, less than 5 minutes) and we will send it away for you. Easy as pie!

National create more questions than answers

By Whetu Taukamo

National has tried to bash beneficiaries every election. This is weak policy.

to work for better money!” there may be jobs

1. Unemployment isn’t a problem for the NZ economy at the moment. The

available but not as many workers to choose from for employers, workers will have the bargaining power. Remember with National “Economic Growth is GOD” we heard that message over and over again with that

reason our unemployment rate is rising (but still amoung the lowest in the OECD) at the moment is because big companies are closing down and moving offshore e.g. Fisher & Paykel, PPCS, Air NZ. The actual cost of labour (wages and salaries) is high in NZ at present, high wages = high costs = business’s exiting NZ shores. We have skill shortages in the NZ labour market but it’s in areas of highly skilled workers and trades. Is a person coming off the benefit going to be able to fill these skills shortages? No.

2. If your aim is to force DPB and long term unemployed into the work force this will increase the labour supply to the market in the short-term and may drop wages...yes. But, in the long-term it creates inflation because when there is no one else to employ, workers can hold employers to ransom...”you give me a pay rise or else I’m going somewhere else

National fulla at the last NZUSA conference, creating inflation isn’t a way to encourage sound economic growth/god. The DPB and sickness beneficiary policy isnt really that different than what is in place at the moment and labour are working at putting those policies in place right now.

3. The biggest problems for longterm beneficiaries is that most live in remote areas with no job market e.g. West Coast of the South Island, Mangakino, Northland and the East Coast etc. Are National going to set up industries in these areas for those people to work in? No, because industries and businesses have already done their cost-benefit analysis and know its too expensive to set up in these remote locations. So what will they do for the long-term unemployed? Force them to move to urban areas to work? Hang on isn’t the cost of living in urban areas increasing and far more

** WSU NOMINATIONS ARE OPEN !** Do you have a passion for people?

Do you want to make a difference on campus for you and your friends?

Then become a Director of the Waikato Students’ Union and help make the student experience here at Waikato University a memorable one!

Nomination period is: Aug 11th – Sept 5th We are happy to answer any questions you might have so come in to WSU and pick up a nomination form.

expensive than living in rural areas? High cost of living + minimum wage = increases poverty and inequality! A bit more thinking needed for this policy.

4. I do like and agree with the adjustment of the benefit with the CPI, that should have happened long ago. Definitely for superannuates, invalids, sickness and DPB. Those on the unemployment benefit?

5. “Voting is such a blunt instrument” is what Ruth Busch (law Lecturer) use to say all the time in my first year of law.

It’s true, I like some of what National have to say, a lot of what the Greens and Maori have to say, I don’t particularly think Labour has been a bad government and I still like some of the things they are trying to do as well. So voting becomes a “blunt instrument” because even though I like parts of all of them, and I don’t like parts of all of them as well...how can i use my two vote for someone who truly represents what I want?

As Tui Teka use to sing “There are more questions than answers”

Mauriora

This year is election year and with 500,000 students currently in the system the WSU think it’s important that student issues are taken seriously. Ask yourself these questions: • Why is it that many students have to borrow to live?

• Why is it that if you are under 24 you are tested against your parent income? (Aren’t you an adult much earlier?)

• How come prices keep rising yet your allowance does not?

• How will tax cuts help you when you’re loaning the money anyway?

• Why do most politicians not have loans (is it because education was close to free in their days?) and how does this affect their decision making?

For students to be over $10 billion (and rising) dollars in debt is surely a societal issue. How can we move forward as society with such a large proportion of it owing debt? Could this mean in the future that we start families later, have less income for those with families and never have the opportunity to own a house? Be wise and think of your student self when voting.

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By Mackenzie McCarty

I learned how to manage a team with results and step outside of my comfort zone I traveled to conferences in Pakistan Turkey Spain and Brazil, expanding my global network I manage the global internship program for AIESEC Canada and help change the lives of youth

Seven months ago, life hit me. I can remember the exact moment: February 7th, 12:15pm, still drunk on jetlag following 17 hours in flight from Seattle, I was standing in the shoebox of a room I’d found on TradeMe two weeks before. Those little white walls blinked at me, and suddenly I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I was being socked in the stomach, punched in the heart, and thrown into utter loneliness. I knew absolutely no one.

For three weeks after classes began, my existence was a haze of trying to understand Kiwi accents, dealing with the horror I experienced one morning when I walked in on a flatmate eating canned spaghetti on toast (WTF?! Ew!), and searching for my niche in Uni culture.

Then one day, about three weeks into Semester A, one of those lecture-bashing people came into my Strategic Management paper. He yelled into two hundred or so PWC faces, with extreme enthusiasm, something about a student organization that was working to create a greater level of global understanding by sending students overseas for paid work, and so on and so forth. They were looking for people to help with promotion and participate in issue-based projects.

Now, I’m going to be really honest.

When people come into my lectures and give their various spiels on joining this or that clubthat’s about when I sit back and start trying to figure out what semi-edible concoction I can 32

whip up for dinner out of a can of tuna, three Wheatbix, and that greenish Indian sauce I’ve got sitting in the refrigerator door at home.

But for whatever reason, this guy made an impression- I think it really just came down to his enthusiasm. He was dynamite! He jumped around up there like he had popcorn in his pants and a giant Bunsen-burner under foot.

And even from six rows back, I could see that he was genuinely stoked on this organization and what it was doing. So I went to the information session the following afternoon, and signed up for the two-day introduction workshop that weekend- cuz let’s face it- I had nothing better to do.

Here comes the cool part: signing up for that intro weekend was one of the best decisions I’ve made since deciding to move to New Zealand. Over the course of two days two days chock-full of creative, driven people from all over the world, two days crammed with dynamic discussion on all sorts of key global issues, and two nights of partying into the early hours of the morning, I became an addict. Here was a student organization that was actually doing something, not just talking about it!

They had job listings in over 100 countries world-wide - everything from teaching English in the Ukraine to managerial work in India to IT positions in Afghanistan, all of which were reserved for students or recent graduates. Not only that, but the entire organization was run by students, which meant that besides being given the opportunity to travel overseas with a job already lined up for us, those who stayed at

home and worked on running the organization were gaining invaluable business skills. Things that make your CV hot enough to melt all competition!

Two months ago, life threw its arms around me. I remember the exact moment: June 1st, 7:30pm. I was standing in a large room with five of my best friends as we learned that we had been promoted to leadership positions within an association we’d all come to see as our own. Those smiling faces winked at me, and suddenly I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I was connected, that I had a place in this scary new country I’d planted myself in so many months before, and that even though I was still adjusting, I was no longer alone at all. Through this crazy and wonderful organization and all of the fascinating people I’d met because of it, I have found my niche.

The name of that organization is AIESEC. The rest is up to you.

AIESEC, which stands for Association Internationale des Etudiants en Sciences Economiques et Commerciales (International Association of Students in Economics and Business Management) is for all students, not just those studying Management or Econ.

Right now, AISEC are looking for students in a variety of disciplines to send to countries as diverse as Poland, China, and Afghanistan. To know more, contact XXXX.

Real happiness is beyond these temporary material things. Intelligent people know this, and intelligent people seek this knowledge as well.

The Higher Taste: Hare

Krishna

Practically every person at this university is searching after real happiness, but very few persons really know what happiness is. It might be a subject of concern that, although we see so much advertised about happiness, we see so few happy people. It seems that there is so much of the product on the market, but where are the consumers?

Certainly the desire for happiness is there, that is, we don’t need a two week orientation course to tell us that we have this longing for real satisfaction. It’s intuitive, it’s natural… and it impels us to act in so many ways. In fact, I can not think of a single person whose every action and every thought is not in the pursuit of happiness.

happiness or distress. Now consider a tree. A tree has consciousness, but it’s undeveloped.

A tree may be very expert in enduring all kinds of weather for years on end, but if you were to ask a man to attempt the same, he would not be able to tolerate it. If the tree could speak, it might say, “Yes, I am happy. I’m enjoying the Waikato winter very much.” And if you asked a dog he might say, “Yes, I am happy. I love to chase my tail and roll around in my own stool.”

Perhaps you know some people who enjoy this sort of thing. Typically, however, for a human being, this is a very low standard of pleasure.

Clearly, it can be concluded that the degrees of happiness and distress that one experiences is dependent upon the degree of development of one’s consciousness.

By Yasodeva das

So you’d think that the prestigious University of Waikato would offer a degree in happiness, but I regret to inform you that such a course does not exist (although, “PSYCH206 Animal Behaviour” sets a popular standard).

What the Institution doesn’t know is that the platform of real happiness is beyond temporary things.

Generally speaking, our happiness is perceived through our senses. Take a stone, for example; because a stone doesn’t have senses, it doesn’t know anything about

So, one has to be intelligent if one really wants to enjoy. The stone, the tree and the dog don’t have the same intelligence as a human so they can’t enjoy to the same standard. Similarly, a dead man, although he may have eyes and hands and genitals and all those other popular body parts and senses; he can’t enjoy either because the spiritual spark, the real self, has left the body. So he’s more or less like the stone, but smellier, and more likely to get you in trouble if you threw him in the Waikato River.

If we use our intelligence in this way we can easily understand that it’s actually not the body that’s enjoying, but the spiritual spark within. What we might not see is that it’s impossible to be fully satisfied simply with this body and things in relation with this body; i.e. hands, eyes, genitals, etc… To enjoy is the essential nature of the spiritual spark, the real self; and to slowly decompose is the nature of this body, just like all other material things.

Real happiness is beyond these temporary material things. Intelligent people know this, and intelligent people seek this knowledge as well. This knowledge can be had, so why not aspire for it? We go forward on the path of knowledge by the mercy of our preceptors—from learning the alphabet up to completing our university career. And if we want to go still further and acquire knowledge transcendental, we must first of all seek qualified transcendental preceptors who can lead us on the path. The knowledge that we gather by our education in the schools and colleges may help us temporarily in the study of some particular subject in the present span of life, but this acquisition of knowledge cannot satisfy our eternal need for which we hanker life after life, day after day, hour after hour.

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Not worth getting out of bed for

By Marcus Wilson With temperatures ranging from minus forty to plus thirty Celsius, the central Russian city of Novosibirsk is probably not everyone’s idea of holiday paradise. Yet on Friday 1 August visitors from all over the world crammed its streets to see the most impressive of all natural phenomena – a total solar eclipse. Although the Siberian summer is more pleasant than its winter, I hazard a guess that if the eclipse had been in January there still would have been plenty of demand on the city’s accommodation. For those who have never witnessed this event, it might be hard to understand why eclipse-chasers will travel to out of the way places the world over to get yet another glimpse of the vanishing sun. Most of us have seen partial eclipses; they come to us every couple of years or so; isn’t a total eclipse just a more severe case of what we’ve already seen? As someone who witnessed the European eclipse of August 1999, I have to say that there is a world of difference between a partial eclipse and a total one. It’s the whole experience – the anticipation, the birds roosting in the middle of the day, the dimming of the light, imperceptibly at

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first, and then in the last minute an engulfing blackness coming out of the west, the slender crescent sun, and most impressive of all the view of the sun’s otherwise unseen wispy corona and pink chromosphere. Once you’ve viewed a total eclipse, partial ones just aren’t interesting. So when is our next opportunity?

On 22 July next year a total eclipse crosses India and China, from Surat in the west, over Varanasi, then Wuhan and Shanghai, and into the Pacific. With major population centres enroute, it will be one of the most viewed total eclipses ever. And a massive six and a half minutes of darkness makes it the longest total eclipse for the whole 21st century. But what about New Zealand? We get fairly close on 11 July 2010 when a total eclipse originates in the South Pacific. More impressive will be 13 November 2012, when the path of totality just misses Cape Reinga; much of the country will see an extensive partial eclipse. So, will I be holidaying in Northland that summer? I doubt it – as far as eclipses go I don’t get out of bed for anything less than totality, and for that in New Zealand I shall have to wait until 22 July 2028, when a trip to Otago will be in order. Or maybe I’ll just book a flight to Shanghai.

Marcus Wilson is a lecturer in the Department of Engineering. His research has included modelling of the electrical behaviour of the human brain during natural sleep, focussing particularly on the transitions between sleep states.

Previous research interests include infra-red physics and signature control (stealth) and quantum Monte Carlo methods, which Nexus hopes has something to do with gambling.

PUZZLES !!!

Neigh!!!

Bring in this completed puzzle page for a scrumptious Burger Fuel Nose-Bag

Complete and Eat Fun Horse Edition

Dear Agony Art How do I know when it is time to stop playing the field and start looking for a serious relationship? I don’t want to wait too late and miss out or strike too soon and miss out on alternatives.

Cam Douglas (via Bebo) Dear Cam Don’t stress out man. You’re still young and women aren’t going anywhere. Just remember that a hundred years ago men weren’t getting married until they were in their later twenties. This gave them time to get a profession and get some nice things with which to impress prospective wives. Women are like magpies. Any woman who denies this is lying. If there are two equally good looking guys in a bar, both of equal wit and intelligence, the woman will always go for the one who is dressed better and drives a car. We all know this happens. I also know I’ll be sleeping alone for the next three months because of this article.

The other option is to wait, gather up all of your pretty things and play the field a while longer. Also, take into account the acceptability of older men with younger women. It is, for some reason, far more acceptable for an older man to date a younger woman than vice versa.

I have no idea why this is, but it’s something every guy noticed around fifth form, when all the hot girls were dating nineteen year old drop outs who aspired to be share milkers and mechanics. So, it’s totally legitimate for you to play the field all through university until you start your career, then start hunting for the future Mrs Douglas. Another

But I digress. Both options are valid. You can strike now and get your pick of single women. The only problem here is whether or not you can find a woman who wants to settle now. Since this whole women’s lib thing got big, women are realising that they can play the field as well as the boys. While this is good for most guys (who don’t mind being used up and spat out), it is not going to help your chances of finding a wife-type girl and holding onto her until her looks fade and she can no longer play the field so effectively.

bonus to waiting until you start having serious relationships is that you have less “fucked up past relationships” in your life with which to burden the chances of future love with.

Blair Munro will contract AIDS from a toilet seat, and prove there is a God.

two males, and two females. Assuming that number one and number two occur with equal probability, and the next person to use the bathroom is as likely as any other, you only have two outcomes. Three of which require the seat down, the only other being a bloke taking a slash. See, I’ve worked it out. If you don’t believe me, spend a night on the Waikato Draught, and then come and talk to me when you experience a day where shit and piss arrive with equal likelihood (and consistency, but that’s another story).

Toilet seats. I’ve just about had enough of them, because I can’t find one that suits me. I’m a large gentleman, and I am yet to find a toilet seat that I would actually enjoy sitting down on. It doesn’t matter where I go, be it a public toilet, a friend’s house, anywhere; I have never had the urge to steal the toilet seat. I’m sick of it. They’re always not quite long enough, or slightly too narrow, or something. You see in movies people taking a book or newspaper to the bathroom, and making an afternoon of it. I want a facility which allows such a luxury.

On the topic of toilets, keep them clean. Don’t deface public toilets, don’t piss on the floor. Next time you whip it out somewhere other than the urinal, think how much you’d enjoy it if it were your job to clean the fuckers, and you happened to draw the short straw and had to go without gloves that day due to a supply shortage because the ordering manager quit his job, because it was too much stress.

And guys, please, do yourself a flavour, and leave the seat down. Not accounting for probability of each individual visit, assume a flat with

Keep sending me in your questions Agony Art Yes, do keep sending Agony Art your questions! You may reach the Agonised One at adr7@students.waikato.ac.nz

Right, just to run a quick checklist, I’ve made a shout out to my biggest fans, had a rant about nothing important, struck a blow for womankind everywhere (despite being a male), and confused the readers – No? Here you go: “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.”

James while John had had had had had had had had had had had a better effect on the teacher.”

Confused the readers? Check.

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The Society for Heavy Metal and Hard Rock We at SocHMHRinc. have recently set up and incorporated New Zealands’ First National Heavy Metal and Hard Rock Society.

The main focuses of the society are: 1) to raise awareness about Metal and Rock in the eyes of the wider public, 2) to create national and regional infrastructures that will aid in promoting Metal and Rock, 3) to attain public and private funding for our initiatives.

The Society has 7 chapters throughout NZ. We are currently planning the Waikato chapters’ first regional monthly meeting. We would like to extend an invitation to attend this meeting.

Meeting Information: Venue: Axces Bar Address: Hood St Time: 7pm Date: Thursday 21st August

and then nominate and vote on new key roles within the organization including Youth, Women and Maori reps. We would then proceed onto possible initiatives that the society can begin to undertake on a local level to raise awareness about metal. The meeting will take approximately two hours. If you have friends or associates that are interested in attending the meeting please forward me their contact details and I will extend an invitation to them ASAP. Please let me know if you are interested in attending. If this time isn’t suitable, please message me a more suitable time and if enough people can’t make it, we can reschedule.

Dave Snell Waikato Chapter President burtoncbogan@hotmail.com www.bebo.com/HMINCHAMZ

The meeting agenda will begin with an introduction and a brief overview of the society. We will then sign up interested parties

I just realised that it’s now Tuesday 17:31 and I’ve still got to write another 200 words, arranged in a fashion that makes clear and concise logical sense and resembles something tech-related. So, this week’s article is about problems. When faced with a problem you usually have two options; ignore the problem and use enough resources to live around it, or face the problem and use enough resources to solve it. I realise my insight is a tad generalised (and the phrasing probably has something to do with the fact that I’ve been playing a lot of Age of Empires lately), but has held true for just about every case I’ve thrown at it. [1] Unsurprisingly, you’ve probably come to the same conclusion at some point in your life as well (although you probably didn’t word it as eloquently as I did). And yet, many people don’t accept it, not foreseeing the cost of resources to live around an issue. I could list examples such as doing homework before the due date as opposed to right before the due date, but instead I’m going to dive right for the more technological issue; data backups. Drives are cheap and getting cheaper. And yet I look at how many people take regular backups and am still amazed at how few take regular backups. Remember people; data is cheap, time is expensive. Take regular backups. Regular. Backups. Regularly.

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Now, in life (of Comp. Sci.) we also have the problems of the more interesting kind. The Programming Competition kind.

Congratulations are in order for the solo guy who just wanted a T-shirt (which he received), the DARTH VADER team (esp. Daniel for the pelvic thrust after solving a hard question), and to everyone else who competed and managed to beat AGP (Almost Grey Power), who despite being senior programmers, were only able to solve the 3 easiest questions.

Finally, I’ve been alerted by my girlfriend that blue LEDs are pretty. Indeed they are. But that’s still no excuse for them glaring in my eyes when I’m trying to listen to music. I’ve also been told that I use a lot of brackets in my articles (mostly to extend a point while keeping within an acceptable sentence length). To this, I can say “kiss my ass”, as I like to use excessive punctuation where appropriate. It makes the English programming language a lot more fun, like php.

[1] Of course, some of the more insightful philosophers reading my column would be quick to point out “Hah! You forgot, you can throw resources at the problem before the problem occurs, adding a third option!” and would be right, except that you’d be ignoring that you’ve faced the problem, it’s just you faced it before the problem became a problem.

Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games reviewed by BURTON C BOGAN Mario & Sonic, as you can imagine, is a fully licensed Beijing Olympics game for Nintendo Wii and DS. It is the first official game of the Beijing Olympics and the first game to feature both Mario and Sonic. It features Mario and Sonic (obviously) as well as 14 other characters from both franchises, including Bowser, Shadow, Peach, Wario, Knuckles – you get the idea. Each has their own strengths and weaknesses, through stats like Power or Speed - so certain characters are better suited to certain events. They can also be categorized into different swimming styles for the water events. The events include all the usual standard Olympic individual events and relays. Also of note is the fact that all of the events in the game are held in virtual replicas of the official venues of the Beijing Olympics.

This game was awarded the best Wii game award in 2007 at the annual Games Convention. Initially, it’s easy to see why as its really fun to replicate sporting movements with the Wii controller to reasonably responsive effect. However the novelty can wear off in places, as it’s not as exciting as the actual Olympics. Once the novelty of playing this game wears off you only want to play it in small doses, as you can actually get tired playing it! Especially those 400m swimming relays where you actually feel like you’ve been swimming butterfly for

It has been more than half a year since I decided to come up with a weekly column about how Hamilton isn’t as bad as you’d think. During that time, I have covered cows, trying new bars, why we are here (in Hamilton), Tekken 5, vegan pizza, V8s, dying teenagers, smoking to keep warm, getting lost during the day, Wednesday night TV, The Essence of Awesome (in a one-off special), recession, Def Leppard, sentient home appliances, and the Olympic spirit.

‘Outdoors’ is a really interesting term, because even though literally outside a door could be anywhere from “your driveway” to “clinging to the manifold of a passenger plane,” it only really means being out amongst trees and stuff. Even that is a very loose definition.

How does this affect advertising laws? For example, if you are unable to prove that the products from your outdoors supply store can be used in the outdoors, due to an ambiguous definition of outdoors, then you might be in trouble. Perhaps outdoors is defined as any place where you would use outdoors equipment. In that case, the amount of times I’ve used my combat shovel to clean up vomit renders my last couple of flats as very outdoors. Is the world moving towards consumer-driven geographic legislation? The answer is no.

400m! No late night play sessions for this game, as it can feel like way too much effort. Also annoying is the Triple Jump, how the hell do you do it? This antiquated Hop, Step and a Jump really should go the way of the Dodo. To make things more interesting they have souped up versions of events, called Dream Events, where you can power up and do special Table Tennis shots or fencing moves for example. Often the movements for each event can be fairly similar, but that’s to be expected when the events themselves are similar…for instance the different distances for running, so there is some repetition here. Also interesting are the extra challenges to unlock characters, a standard ploy of these sorts of games.

Overall, Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games is a fun game to rent when you’ve got some drunk mates over…but any extended play is going to seriously wear out most Phat Controllers and will either encourage them to get fit and put down the nachos, or will put them off altogether.

You may have heard that Russia pulled the mother of all sucker punches the other day. A sucker punch is when you go “Hey look at that!” and then smack someone. In this case, the that was the opening ceremony of the 29th Olympiad. The smack was a whole bunch of bombs, and the someone was Georgia, who, to be honest, hadn’t been on anyone’s mind lately. Russia reckons that they are protecting some interests of some sort, but the fact is that if countries were cartoons, Russia would be Bruno from Popeye, which makes everyone think that their “interests” are probably just that tiny little network of oil pipelines.

Or whatever. How many global conflicts need to erupt before we can all just get along? The answer is seven.

So if a rhetorical question is a question meant to make you think, that you aren’t supposed to answer, and a rhetorical answer is meant to stop you from thinking, that you aren’t meant to question; what happens when you answer a rhetorical question with a rhetorical answer? The answer is yes.

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The 31st Hamilton International Film Festival: Week Two We are now into the second week of the Film Festival and various riches are presenting themselves at Rialto Cinemas on a daily basis. What follows are suggestions to guide your selections, a choice of one title per day for the next seven days.

Monday the 18th sees the screening of the Oscar winner for Best Foreign Language film, “The Counterfeiters”. Concentration camp dramas made by the Germans themselves are about as rare as Hollywood versions are plentiful. This factually based story of prisoners forced to forge Allied currency sounds like a compellingly fresh take on the 20th century’s darkest hours.

Tuesday evening my pick would be “Teeth”, whose synopsis sounds like something out of a Mobile Stud Unit song. It concerns a good Christian woman whose private parts have fangs. A great first date movie, particularly recommended to the celibate or the masochistic, it draws on the ancient myth of ‘vagina dentata’, which loosely translates as ‘sharp cunt’.

On Wednesday afternoon the winner of the Golden Bear at the Berlin Festival plays. “Elite Squad” is a hard hitting, controversial account of police activities in Rio de Janerio directed by the maker of the acclaimed documentary “Bus 174”. Particularly interesting is its version of the 1997 ‘Operation Holiness’ when members of Brazil’s finest civil service killed thirty people to ensure that Pontiff John

Paul II got a quiet night’s sleep. Understandably, Rio cops wanted it banned.

According to the administrator of the ‘Incredibly Strange’ portion of the Festival, “[Rec]” is so scary that punters are inclined to shit their pants.

Screening Thursday, it is a Spanish movie made in the faux horror style of “Blair Witch” and “Cloverfield”. Expect lots of claustrophobia and hand held camera shots and tight technique considering its 79 minute running time.

Friday night sees one of the high points of the Festival: “Be Kind Rewind”.

Made by Michel Gondry, the wacky champion of stylised, low tech effects who directed “Science of Sleep” and “Eternal Sunshine”, it concerns a video rental store which refuses to stock DVDs. It is in no way the story of Auteur House: all of our staff are a lot funnier than Jack Black.

My Saturday pick would be the New Zealand documentary “The Hollow Men”. Based on Nicky Hager’s story of the National Party’s 2004 election campaign and directed by veteran left wing filmmaker Alistair Barry it is a timely expose of lies and hypocrisy by the type of politicians most likely to assume power in this country before the year is out.

Finally, on Sunday I would recommend “Taxi to the Dark Side”. This year’s Best Documentary Oscar winner, it indicts American torture techniques in Afghanistan with the compelling seriousness the subject deserves.

Flight 5 Anthology Various Artists Collected by Kazu Kibuishi

Reviewed by Gordon Dawson Flight 5 is, obviously, the fifth in a series of comic anthologies collated by the wonderfully talented Kazu Kibuishi, author of Daisy Kutter and Amulet. The idea is getting new and established comic artists published without the prohibitive costs of launching their own comics. Most of the artists in Flight are working well outside the scope of standard superhero pap, which lends the collection a sense of otherworldliness and whimsy.

Because of the breadth of stories, not all will be to everyone’s taste, and many are clearly snippets of larger works, and consequently lack framing and context. Some I did not fully engage with – I thought the first story, The Aqueduct, was badly lacking, dialogue-wise, while remaining well-drawn. This repeats itself a few times; the art is entirely sumptuous, but stories waver in quality. That being said, there are some masterful examples of the graphic short story here.

Kibuishi’s own The Courier is simply wonderful, reading and looking like something Hayao Miyazaki might come up with, but with a style unique to Kibuishi. Ryan North, who writes the hilarious Dinosaur Comics at qwantz.com, writes the very funny (and even slightly poignant) Scenes 40

in Which the Earth Stops Spinning and Everybody Flies into a Wall. The last story, by Svetlana Chmakova, is an anime-riffing tale of a girl who might just be from Pluto and the boy that torments her. It’s wonderfully drawn and written, and is just one of hundreds of reasons why this book (and all the Flight books) are must-buys. All the Flight books are available at Mark One Comics on Victoria Street, who were good enough to lend this book to me for review. If you’re a comics fan, and are looking for a unique, magnificently presented book showcasing the comics talent that too often lurks in the shadows of the Web, you can’t miss Flight 5.

In the Spotlight

Compleat Female Stage Beauty Presented by Carving in Ice, written by Jeffrey Hatcher and directed by Gaye Poole.

13th August, Academy of Performing Arts

Reviewed by Dawn Tuffery I heard it out-Brokebacks Brokeback, offered a friend as we waited in line to see Compleat Female Stage Beauty. And that teenagers were asking to be let out last night.

With such intriguing word-of-mouth promotion, the production had a lot to live up to. Thankfully it exceeded expectations with panache, despite leaving the man-love to blend naturally into the narrative without prompting significant reaction. Well, almost. “I want to see a golden flow as I die in you”, whispers the Duke of Buckingham seductively to Kynaston, drawing a few sniggers.

Not that sniggering is ever too out of place – this play is consistently very funny and very engaging. Written in 1999 by Jeffrey Hatcher, Compleat Female Stage Beauty tells the story of Edward Kynaston, the most famous portrayer of female roles on the London stage in 1661, and his fall from grace after King Charles II changes the law and allows women to act. The setting is 17th century but the issues ring easily true for a contemporary audience – gender fluidity, identity confusion and how much individuals are defined by their profession.

With the innuendo rich and the one-liners smoking, the subject matter could easily have stuck at effective farcical comedy. What helps Stage Beauty transcend this is the underlying poignancy, and the pathos of Kynaston’s plight. His situation is summed up simply by theatre manager and actor Thomas Betterton when Kynaston asks if upstart newcomer

Margaret Hughes is any good: “She’s a star. She did what she did first.

You did what you did last.”

Amidst the sexual banter and frequent laughs there is a genuine depth of feeling that pervades the production and this relies on the performances. It’s a big cast too, but these are strong across the board, from Graham Cairns’ foppish Charles Sedley to Alec Forbes’ taciturn and blackly comic Thomas Betterton. Opening night wobbles were occasionally present but minor. As Kynaston, Richard Homan rises to the significant challenge, producing a sympathetic character who is indeed, as described by Poole, ‘indelibly fragile, fierce, vain and fluid’. His final scenes with Pip Six as Margaret Hughes had the house fully absorbed, as the uncertain Hughes drops her dignity for a crash course in…acting female, and Kynaston undergoes a subtle graduation from desperate androgyne to…murderous Moor Othello. It’s all a complex identity minefield really.

Just for the record, Compleat Female Stage Beauty doesn’t really outBrokeback Brokeback, unless it’s in the area of witty repartee. But given that the audience weren’t there purely for the sex, presumably, there was plenty to enjoy in this successful production - the bitingly witty script, great performances, innovative lighting and costuming, and a harpsichord to boot.

A triumph.

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The Ten Best Days Of My Life Author: Adena Halpern Publisher: Hachette Australia Price: $39.99

Reviewed by Kelly Badman Life after death looks pretty good for our 29-year-old heroine in Adena Halpern’s novel “The Ten Best Days of My Life.”

She is given just two weeks to prove her worth by writing an essay on the ten best days of her life.

After being hit by a red Mini Cooper while out walking her dog, Alex Dorenfield finds that her life so far has qualified her for admission to seventh heaven – the highest level of heaven.

Failure will mean an eternity in a lower level of heaven where the men aren’t so cute, the clothes not so trendy and no visits from family.

Or has it?

Just 24 hours after seeing her beloved (deceased) grandparents again, moving into her dream home with a gorgeous single man next door and more designer clothes than she could ever wear in a wardrobe as big as a bedroom, basically everything she has ever wanted, Alex’s guardian angel appears to tell her that, well, maybe there has been a mistake.

Yes, questions are being asked by the higher-ups as to whether Alex actually led a fulfilling life deserving of her spot in seventh heaven.

This debut novel from Marie Claire magazine writer Adena Halpern is pretty light on brain cell challenging content with heavy emphasis on the beauty/fashion/shoes/men/fluff filled world of the spoilt princess Alex.

It has moments of sparkling humour and real character growth though that redeems it from becoming just another mawkish chick lit novel.

A frivolous read that would be great for whiling away a rainy weekend, it also inspired me to dream about my own version of seventh heaven – an endless supply of books and passion fruit cheesecake sounds pretty heavenly to me.

The Reluctant Fundamentalist Author: Mohsin Hamid Publisher: Penguin RRP: $28-00

Reviewed by Amanda Gray America’s scar tissue is 9/11 and it has become the latest modern setting to hit literature. Questions continue to surround the event that changed the world.

‘The Reluctant Fundamentalist’ brings pre-9/11 America to life as a seductive world of greed, power and privilege.

Enter a Harvard-educated Pakistani Changez, who navigates this world with wide-eyed wonder which turns into hatred for his adopted homeland and sympathy for the terrorists in the aftermath of 9/11.

Switching from Lahore, Pakistan to New York and back again, The Reluctant Fundamentalist takes its time in its 184 pages to get to the action. Hamid builds tension quickly in the last quarter though ending in a rather unexpected conclusion.

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We eat dinner with Changez in a Lahore eatery under the guise of a middle-aged American tourist as he explains his experiences. He is the superior host to our naive visitor, explaining customs and the surroundings, while politely degrading America and its values.

September 11th is the background to Changez’s emotional crossroads as he battles an atmosphere of fear, patriotism and retribution in this new world. Ultimately he is forced to choose sides, which plays havoc with his professional life.

‘The Reluctant Fundamentalist’ launches a scathing attack on privileged western life and America through themes of retribution and revenge.

This is an emotionally powerful book with punch.

Wanted Starring: James McAvoy, Angelina Jolie, Morgan Freeman, Common.

Reviewed by Art Robinson This is a film about an ordinary guy who works in a crappy office job, until he’s rescued by a gun wielding femme-fatale who tells him he has special powers, allowing him to defy the laws of physics and kill people in amazing ways. While this might sound like the Matrix, it’s actually Wanted, the new action-adventure from the same guy who directed Night Watch and it’s sequel, Day Watch.

movie timetable, you’ll figure out that this is not exactly the truth. After an awesome montage, he’s ready to go out into the world and start killing people. “Who does he kill?”, I hear you ask. Well, mostly he kills people he’s told to by a giant weaving machine. That’s right folks: these highly skilled and extremely deadly assassins get their orders via a binary code hidden in cloth. I’m not joking. I wish I was, but I’m not.

While this premise is familiar to most of us, it’s also getting kind of tired. Harry Potter uses it, Star Wars uses it and the Matrix certainly uses it. There’s not a man alive, from George Bush down to that guy who whistles at people on Victoria Street, who doesn’t wish they had super powers and hot girls to surround them. In this respect, this movie is great. James McAvoy, complete with his piss poor American accent, can bend bullets around obstacles, neck with Angelina Jolie and has three million dollars in his bank account. He’s everyone’s role model.

The last third of the film is almost entirely in bullet time and features an act of mass rodent murder which has to be seen to be believed. There’s not time to wonder about the odd plot hole (of which this high budget, low storyline film has surprisingly few) as James McAvoy becomes the personification of ultra violent murders, killing assassins who have been in the business fifty times longer than he has.

McAvoy is recruited by an ancient society of assassins to kill the man who killed his father. After about ten minutes you’ll realise that this is not exactly the truth. Actually, if you read the premise for the film on the

This movie was a fun movie, with much less thought required than any of the Matrix trilogy. It is safe to turn your brain off for this one, as the most complex thing you’ll have to think about is how many minutes until the next gun battle. I recommend you go see it with the lads.

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Robot Chicken: Star Wars

The Greatest Movie of All Time: Gremlins

REVIEWED BY BURTON C BOGAN

Directed by: Does it matter?

REVIEWED BY BURTON C BOGAN Robot Chicken is an American stop motion animated television series created by Seth Green (Dr Evil’s son) and Matthew Senreich. The show is random but hilarious to say the least and is made up of a series of sketches that quickly cut one to the next and includes stop motion footage using toys and claymation. Seth Green does a lot of the voices for the show, but a number of different well known actors have leant their voices to the show as well. Which brings us to this DVD… Not long ago, in a galaxy not far enough away My interest in this was first sparked in Family Guy: Blue Harvest when the Griffen family talks about how “Robot Chicken did it first”. This special episode as you can guess, is entirely Star Wars based and pokes fun at all the Star Wars movies, although it focuses mostly on the original trilogy.

For the most part, this episode is really good. The highlights being the ‘bits you didn’t see’ in the Cantina light saber fight (Star Wars IV: A New Hope) and George Bush dreaming he’s a Jedi Knight (honestly I have no idea how they got away with it). However, similar to Blue Harvest, while I really want to give this a rave review being a fan of the show, I have some issues and they’re similar issues. First off, it’s one episode – so this DVD only goes for just over 20 minutes. Considering the price for is around $20 you’re basically paying a dollar a minute. Secondly, there’s the limitations of the source material. While Star Wars should have heaps of material, in places the writers struggle and while there are some real laugh out loud moments, for the most part its just amusing and chuckle worthy. Most of the sketches seem to be very similar in the “the day to day running of the Empire”. Also one of the real strengths of Robot Chicken’s usual episodes is that they come at you fast and some are just random as they cut from one sketch to the next, whereas some of the humour in these sketches takes a while to set up so the “What the hell?” factor is lessened. Overall good to watch, and maybe rent – but only obsessive collectors should buy.

Quote of the DVD: Your mumma’s so stupid she spent all day saying “Are not” to R2!

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Gremlins is the story of a bunch of evil little creatures let loose in a small American town. Much like Fight Club, there are rules. 1) You can’t get them wet, 2) Avoid getting them in sunlight, it’ll kill them and 3) Never, ever, feed them after midnight. Armed with teeth, claws, and a nasty sense of humour they proceed to terrorize the town until the hero defeats them all, with the help of ‘one of their own’, the very cute Gizmo.

Gremlins is the greatest movie of all time. Period. Forget Citizen Kane (Sorry Dr Ezy) or any other classic. It is the only movie ever that has scared the living shit out of me, but hey I was around ten years old (or maybe even less?) then. I remember sitting in the movie theatre when I was a kid, I had seen some ads and knew that the main little monster was called Stripe.

So imagine little Dave sitting there chanting ‘Where’s Stripe? Where’s Stripe? There’s Stripe”…and there went all the candy that I thought I had previously digested. Since then till the age of around 17 every nightmare I had involved Gremlins in some way. It got to the point where I could predict where they were hiding in my dream, and actually control myself in the dream to go there so that I could get the nightmare over with.

Even now I have the odd dream with a Gremlin in it. The thought of the Gremlins saying “Yummy Yummy” in their evil little way still creeps me out (somehow they pick up a little English).

Why do I like it? Firstly because of the nostalgia at being my first (and only really) scary movie and secondly, the comedy in it really appeals to my sense of rumour - random and kind of nasty. The random carnage in it is hilarious while at the same time kind of sinister. The sequel is cool too, but is much more of a comedy and lost a lot of the sinister edge. These days you can pick both of them up in a two pack (not Tupac) for real cheap, so is definitely worth a look if you’re like me and like the darker side of life while still being able to have a bit of a laugh.

by Carl Watkins

Lump lingered last in line for brains The Live Music Trust held its first official meeting last Monday night. The main order of business was to streamline the short and long term focuses as generated by the forum held earlier in the year into several main objectives for the Trust and to give these objectives a framework.

The two main topics discussed at the meeting were regarding how to secure a sustainable music venue in Hamilton and the issues surrounding the lack of a bonafide bNet station in Hamilton. The trust will meet again in two weeks at which time the main objectives for the trust will be nailed down along with a trust deed. In the interim an audit is under way to research venues and potential venues in the area and beyond, to find out,

Another re-reminder that the Band Experiments are back on.

If you’re picking up this rag for the first time where you been? The Band Ex is a band comp with a twist, any genre – any damn musical thang – is encouraged. You can win over $5000 worth of prizes and have a heap load of fun while doing it. Clothes are optional. Entries close September 7. Check out mammothguide.co.nz/bandexperiments for more info.

Have a nice break, listen to lots of diverse music, don’t fall asleep on your back cos it makes you snore, and good luck with exams.

Remember: the best answer is the one that is correct.

Song of the Week (sorry, forgot last week…): “The Greatest” by Cat Power off the album The

among other things, the pitfalls of running a music venue and the reasons why establishments choose not to promote and stage live music shows on a regular basis. For more information on the Live Music Trust visit www. hcac.org.nz and follow the links.

Greatest

WEEZER

Self-titled (The Red Album) DGC/Interscope Records

ALBERT HAMMOND, JR. ?Como Te Llama?

Black Seal It means “What’s your name?” or, literally, “What does it call you?”.

This second album from The Strokes rhythm guitarist starts well. A very Lennon-esque vocal effect barely masking the influence of the dead rock god. But after seven or so tracks of the same effect it meanders into oblivion in the middle section, falling victim to too-long-itis. The 13 tracks here could easily have been whittled down to a more manageable nine, 10 at the most but this serves to highlight either Hammond’s naivety or arrogance. He produced and recorded all the material here and without the benefit of outside ears he has almost managed to write one, long, uninspiring and seldom changing 46-minute song. But for the breaks between tracks and the odd interesting chord this album would be resigned to such a fate. This album lacks the quirk, catchiness and verve of a Strokes album and it is of course unfair to compare, but it is the lack of inventiveness within it that draws such comparisons. Having said that, the first three songs and the last four songs, particularly track 9 “Spooky Couch”, which, spookily, features Sean Lennon on piano, are worth splicing into your digital collection.

Ever since they followed up their hugely successful debut “The Blue Album” (1994) with the less popular but as equally musically magnificent Pinkerton (1996) there has always been an element of anything could happen with a Weezer release. Since then they have played it relatively safe with the same varying degree of success. But the balance seems to have been struck with this, Weezer’s sixth album.

River Coumo’s prolificacy is legend and it would be nothing to him to release an album of his own material every six months, but the restraint shown on The Red Album in using other band member’s material is one of the keys to its vitality. The usual rock n roll that owes so much to the Beach Boys is still there with those clever harmonies and catchy melodies. But the album really lifts off to display its third dimension when we hear others picking up the lead vocal and songwriting pencil, lyrical content that deepens past freshman college angst, and a real musical development from 3 minute pop hits to 4 and 5 minute works of art. Genres bend and vocal delivery swings from rap to croon to melodic rock, the music rocks out and mellows as needed, Pat Wilson (most under rated drummer in rock IMHO) shows his versatility on the drums.

Though the diversity is the album’s saving grace it does tend to accentuate the difference between River’s standard material and the others fresher sounding new additions, though the Coumo penned “Heart Songs” (see how many songs and artists you remember from the many he lists), and co-penned (with Shriner) “Cold Dark World” are two of the standouts on the album.

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Listings courtesy of Mammoth and the Hamilton Community Arts Council 31st Hamilton International Film Festival STARTS Thurs Aug 14 10:00am FINISHES Sun 31 Aug 11:50pm Regular movie ticket prices A selection of up to thirty films travel to twelve provincial cities, beginning with the university towns of Hamilton and Palmerston North. The 31st edition is notable for containing some of the most pointedly violent films ever shown as well as several of the clever and thoughtful comedies of human nature.

Visit www.nzff.co.nz for more info.

Friday Aug. 29 The Enright House + I.ryoko La Commune Cafe DOORS OPEN 8:00pm $6 The Enright House performs a solo electronic tour with I.ryoko.

Thursday August 21 Ois II Men, Dick Dynamite & the Doppelgangers, The Bludgers + My Brother Got Mulched 121 Tristram St DOORS OPEN 9:00pm $5 Friday August 22 Autozamm - Closer to Home Tour

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Diggers Bar DOORS OPEN 8:00pm $20 Friday August 22 False Start, Simple Day, Trigger Theory, Eqwanox + Sinfura Ward Lane DOORS OPEN 8:00pm Cost TBA Thu 28 Aug 2008 Brilleaux Biddy Mulligans, Victoria Street, Hamilton Time: 8pm Cost: $3 members, $5 non members HBS presents Brilleaux in Concert a hard edged British Blues Band from Tauranga Further details: Hamilton Blues Society hamilton@blues.co.nz www.blues.co.nz/hbs/ Friday August 29 Fur Patrol + The Naked and Famous Flow Bar DOORS OPEN 8:00pm $20 Hailing from Wellington, New Zealand: two thirds residing in Melbourne, Australia; one third in Wellington again, Fur Patrol have released two albums and two EPs in Australasia since forming in 1996. Their new album, Local Kid, is due for release later this year

with first single “Great Forward” currently on radio in Aotearoa. myspace.com/furpatrol

Leap

Friday Oct 10 Azalia Snail, Sandra Bell + Matthew Bannister and the Weather La Commune Cafe DOORS OPEN 8:00pm $10 Psychedelic indie Azalia Snail from Los Angeles teams up with Sandra Bellfrom Dunedin and locally based Matthew Bannister and the Weather.

Thu 21 Aug 2008 Book Launch Hamilton Central Library, Garden Place, Hamilton Time: 3pm.

Cost: Free To celebrate Library Week, come to the Hamilton launch of the book “The Word for Food”. Tea and coffee will be provided and the authors will even include some baked treats from the book.

Further details: Hamilton Central Library 838 6842 bryony.walker@hcc.govt.nz www. hamiltonlibraries.co.nz/index.aspx

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