issue 17 by Nexus Magazine

www.nexusmag.co.nz

10 August 2009

EDITORIAL

Editorial By Joshua Drummond

ISSUE 17

Waikato Student Elections are coming up! On that note,

I found like a gunslinger. I look out of my office window

I am distracted easily. I think it’s quite possible that,

(it’s high up) and pretend to shoot passers-by. It’s very

had I been born several years later, I would have been

therapeutic. If I feel particularly impressive I whisper the

diagnosed with ADD. I wonder how many people in my

Gunslinger mantra as I aim:

generation are the same way? We’re told again and again

“I do not aim with my hand. I aim with my eye. He who

Credits:

that our attention spans are shrinking. To that I say: Here’s

aims with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.” *

Editor: Joshua Drummond (editor@nexusmag.co.nz)

a thought I had today. The popularity of Harry Potter

Speaking of forgetfulness, it’s another trait which I’d love

Design: Talia Musson (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz)

means that it is a statistical certainty that someone will

to divulge myself of. I regularly forget things ranging in

Advertising: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz)

die at the precise time someone else points a “wand”

importance from doing the dishes to forgetting to pick

Reporter: Grant Burns (news@nexusmag.co.nz)

at them and yells “Avada Kedavra!” (I put this as my

relatives up from the airport. (I haven’t done it yet, but

Features Editor: Chris Parnell (features@nexusmag.co.nz)

Facebook status earlier today.) What I wonder is, what

I’m sure it’s only a matter of time.) Sometimes wondering

Sub-editor: Louise Blackstock

will happen to the person (most likely a kid, but it could

what I’ve forgotten keeps me awake at night. Yeah, I get

Web Guru: Jed Laundry (jlaundry@gmail.com)

easily be an adult) who “kills” someone with the Death

insomnia. I once did a two-day hike on no sleep. That was

Music Editor: Nick Johnstone (music@nexusmag.co.nz)

Curse? They’ll most likely spend the rest of their lives in an

fun, which is to say, the hallucinations were interesting.

Film Editor: Kirill Kruger (films@nexusmag.co.nz)

asylum, either wracked with guilt or convinced they’re a

A thought: Zeppelins are

Books Editor: Penny Wilson (books@nexusmag.co.nz)

wizard in Azkaban. Or both.

Wonderful things. But

Games Editors: Antony and Chris Parnell

I’m also very prone to procrastination, which is probably

What would I do with one?

(games@nexusmag.co.nz)

a euphemism for being lazy. That’s why I tend to leave

Brainwave! Have you ever read Your Views? It’s the

editorials to the last minute, which means you have to put

part on the New Zealand Herald website where readers

up with occasional haikus in the text. (Is the plural Haiku

can send in, well, Their Views on a topic of the Herald’s

Contributors

or Haikus? Note to self: Investigate. Or get Kirill to.)

choice. It’s a wonderful thing. It manages to condense the

8 Ball, WSU, Kirill, Chris Parnell, Vitamin C, Burton

Wow, four pages of

worst of shallow Internet Age opinions into one handy

C. Bogan, Nick Sicklemore, Dr Richard Swainson,

Lettuce – yet not all would fit

block, providing a particularly concise argument against

Josh, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash

Moral: complain more

democratic government. Didn’t Winston Churchill say

Medallion, Blair Munro, Jason Sebestian, Penny

It actually worries me that people read the editorials,

something about that? Quick Google, and another haiku

Wilson, Antony Parnell, Nick Johnston, Louise

which I had forcibly driven home to me by the massive

while you wait:

Blackstock, Hollie Jackson, Lord Bhfulu, Lauree

reaction to last week’s in which I bitched about how

Drone of computer

Cross, Teresa Hattan, Blair Munro, Side Undydog

you’re all a bunch of apathetic tosspots. If people didn’t

Hums late at night – only I

read them I wouldn’t have to worry about them at all.

Notice. Annoying.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press

I could just put in a bunch of Lorem Ipsum text and

Ah. There you go. “It has been said that democracy is the

Association (ASPA) Because how else could I

pretend I know Latin.

worst form of government except all the others that have

prevent Salient from working for an entire day?

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet. According to a surely-

been tried.”

reputable online translator I just found, that means

Sir Winston Churchill

“Lorem itself pain he is amet.”

British politician (1874 - 1965)

SPARK: Total success

Thanks, Google and http://www.quotationspage.com/

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT

Too bad I was busy

quote/364.html (first search result of about 169,000 for

NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003

Would have liked to go

winston churchill democracy quote. (0.17 seconds.)

LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE

Part of this job means I cajole people (come on! Student

Isn’t that helpful? I read somewhere – can’t remember

EDITOR, OR ANYONE. NEXUS: CAVING IN TO APATHY

culture! Etc!) into attending social events whist rarely

where or when, might have been a blog sometime

SINCE TODAY. NAH, JUST KIDDING. WE’LL NEVER DO

actually attending them myself. This is not because my

this year – that it’s useless getting kids these days to

THAT.

job is particularly hard (even though it can be very hard,)

remember arcane information, when it’s right at their

just that it sucks up time. Speaking of “etc:” one of my

fingertips. Is this good? Is it bad? I don’t know. Where

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS?

pet peeves is people who feel the need to spell it ect.

was I? Oh, democracy! Turns out the Waikato Students

EMAIL ads@nexusmag.co.nz

Incidentally – and I shouldn’t really be surprising anyone

Union is a democracy, for better or worse. Turns out

OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176 6180

with this – you are, after all, at University – etc is an

they’ve got an election coming up. Turns out that you

abbrev. of “et cetera” which is Latin for (quick Google)

should really vote in the election so you can have a say

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT

“and other things.” Which makes sense.

in student affairs, otherwise you really don’t have a right

Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University

I spent five minutes

to bitch, do you? Even though it’s the worst form of

of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton

Just then, firing a staple

government apart from all the others.

PHONE: 07 838 4653

Gun into a chair

I am off, to update my Facebook status. “Finished

FAX: 07 838 4588

This job brings occasional spasms of anarchic

Editorial. Whew,” so all my friends know I finished the

EMAIL: editor@nexusmag.co.nz

mindlessness. Lately I’ve taken to spinning a toy revolver

editorial. Whew.

POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

QUESTIONS

By Mo

1. What’s your favourite sexually transmitted disease? 2. What was the most exciting thing you’ve done this week? 3. What is something important that you know about which you think should be wider knowledge? 4. Where do Nazis come from? 5. What Low Five question would you ask?

1. Haven’t really tried them all, can’t make educated decision 2. Had coffee with these two mates sitting here 3. Climate change 4. Economic hardship and ignorance 5. “What can make you happy in an instant?”

1. No comment 2. Nothing 3. Maybe politics? 4. Their own insecurities 5. “What drives a person?” Congratulations, you win “Most Boring Person Featured in Low Five Ever - Ed

1. Syphilis 2. Blank 3. Where does money come from? 4. Insecurity 5. I would ask that question.

1. Herpes! Nice and nasty 2. Went out for a drink on Tuesday night 3. What bars are good in town…not that I know 4. Space 5. Who likes spicy food?

1. Chlamydia/crabs 2. Handing in my assignment/sleeping 3. Blank! 4. Germany! 5. Favourite alcoholic beverage?

RANDOM All Magic 8 Ball questions this week were taken from the Magic 8 Ball thread at forums. nexusmag.co.nz.. Go there yourself to ask the all-knowing Ball a question!

Llama Bi Itch Egg By the Anagram Ball Does mead make everything more awesome? Cannot Predict Now – your future is clouded by honey-based alcoholic beverages. After your mead binge, get back to me on how awesome it was. Will my kitten ever stop peeing on the bedsheets? Yes Definitely – Studylink is going to “accidentally” cut off your student allowance in the coming weeks. Kitty won’t make any mess on the bedsheets once you, in desperate need of sustenance, eat her. (Although I sense a divergence in the paths; you may not need to nom the cat if you can train her to capture delicious vermin for you.) When I heard “let’s go see if we can catch a shag at the lakes” that pretty-young-thing was talking about about a specimen of Phalocrocorax carbo, right? As I see it yes – see above reply for details. Shags, in these tough times, provide much needed proteins and fish oils. Catching them is also a vigorous, fun experiment for the lusty young student – who, in these enlightened days, can even be a member of the weaker sex. Are the ducks friendly? Outlook not so good – what a silly question. You weren’t the Dux of your school, were you? Oh well. To find out whether the ducks are friendly or not, cast yourself into the lakes with loaves of bread ducttaped to your body. Our avian friends are a-duck-ted to it. Spectators will have to duck for cover, as the ducks subject you to a good ducking. Will they make another Transformers movie? Concentrate and ask again – you poor child. You saw the last one, didn’t you? Did it hurt your brainses? There, there. Just lie back, and accept the feeding tube. That mean ol’ Mr Bay won’t be allowed to hurt you any more. Could an omnipotent being create a rock so heavy that it could not lift it? Without a doubt – what the hell do you think black holes are, you cretin? They’re from God testing his limits when he was a teenager. 6

At the University of Waikato There’s no stopping you.

At the University of Waikato, you’ll find a world-class education and lifestyle support – right on your doorstep. On-campus Student Services available to you include Student Health, Careers Office and counselling advice, not to mention our disability, chaplaincy, accommodation and financial services too. Student Services is located in the Student Services Building (CHSS), behind the Chapel.

UWC.0509

For more information visit www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/

0800 WAIKATO www.waikato.ac.nz

NEWS

ISSUE 17

10 August 2009

SPARK is as SPARK does By Hollie Jackson

Wintec’s week-long Spark festival blasted off last week, with every event packed out by keen students and public alike. The Spark festival, which has been an annual event since it began in 1998, plays host to a collaboration of national and international artists, designers and members of the creative industry. Spark offers a rare learning experience for audiences, with first-hand presentations from individuals who work in the creative world. This year, Spark hosted over 16 public speakers, in conjunction with a wide range of film screenings and workshops. After months of planning, Spark was kicked off on Monday with the screening of Russianborn filmmaker Marina Goldovskaya’s 1992 film “The Shattered Mirror”, followed by her afternoon workshop that saw swarms of people wanting to be involved. Creative advertising team “The Special Group”, who were the brains behind the Green party’s “vote for me” ad campaign, hosted a packedout presentation on Monday, as well as the “International Poster Exhibition”, which was featured at Ramp Gallery all through Spark week. Tuesday welcomed photographer Paul Seawright, designer Denise L’Estrange-Corbert, and Carly Flynn to present at Spark in front of full audiences. The festival also hosted

the hugely popular New Zealand premiere of Brazilian filmmakers Guto Barra and Béco Dranoff’s music documentary “Beyond Ipanema”, whose world premiere had sold out in New York some weeks ago. The “Beyond Ipanema” filmmakers kicked off Wednesday’s events with a heavily anticipated and crowd-pleasing Q&A in the morning, followed by a presentation by renowned New Zealand artist, poet and printmaker John Pule.

“The mural, which covered the entire bottom half of the gray monstrosity, caught cheers from pedestrians and toots from motorists as the public passed the wall.” Onedotzero entertained a large audience with a selection of their short animated films in the afternoon, including one featuring a recording of an interview with John Lennon. Wednesday also saw the Wintec wall adorned with a chalk mural by Hamilton artists the Underwater Collective, in collaboration with UK designer Nicky Deeley. The mural, which covered the entire bottom half of the gray monstrosity, caught cheers from pedestrians and toots from motorists as the public passed the wall. Local artist Glen Leslie, who was

one of the contributing artists to the chalk mural, was also the winner of the Spark T-shirt competition. Waikato University sponsored three speakers to come to Spark on Thursday: Sara De Bondt, an award-winning London-based Belgian graphic designer; Sam Scott, founder and artistic director of Massive, an ensemble theatre company; and actor Wesley Dowdell, who has appeared in many productions for Massive. Scott and Dowdell discussed “Whero’s New Net”, a play by Albert Belz that was featured during Spark week at Clarence St. Theatre. Friday (which has not actually happened yet, but probably will) saw the closing of Spark festival with an interactive exhibition by Nicky Deeley, where members of the public were encouraged to adopt a figure created and crafted by her, as part of a larger international project, followed by an after party on Ward Lane.

Did you know our Student Health Centre is open five days a week? With five doctors on board, we provide full medical services for all students. Hours are Monday 9am – 5pm and Tuesday to Friday from 8.30am – 5pm. Appointments can be made at the reception desk or by phoning 07 838 4037.

0800 WAIKATO waikato.ac.nz/sasd/health

NEWS

Summer scholarships offer alternative to summer job hunting By Grant Burns

More than 100 scholarships will now be on offer over summer as part of a government initiative to keep students occupied during the annual break. Summer Research Scholarships worth up to $5000 each will be offered through all teaching sectors at the University of Waikato. The Summer Research Scholarships Programme comes in three different packages depending on your level of study. For Undergraduate, Honours, and first year Master’s students there

submissions until 31 October. And for PhD level students, a $22,000 p.a. scholarship is on offer. Hamilton East MP David Bennett is pleased with his government’s summer scholarship programme. “We think it’s a really great initiative for students to acquire money over the summer. These scholarships are a government/university venture which will enable students to receive funding over the summer, and it adds to the university in the way of research.”

are over 100 scholarships on offer for $5000 to encourage students to experience the benefits of research work in their chosen field. Deadlines for these scholarships are 31 August if you’re applying for the School of Science and Engineering or the School of Mathematics, and 30 September for all other sectors. For Final Year Master’s students there are $12,000 summer scholarships which take

When asked whether or not these summer scholarships were trying to fill the void from the $98 million of scholarships that were axed in this year’s budget, Bennett was reluctant to specify, but said they “were more to do with summer employment (for students) than the tertiary budget.” Various research topics include building a machine to speed up the wine aging process,

investigating how to improve human-dog communication, or a video wave monitoring project at Raglan. All summer scholarships are on offer for the summer of 2009/10.

Pathways to be axed? By Jason Sebestian

The University has indicated that by 2010 it might cut the Pathways College, the programme that allows many high school students who fail to achieve proper grades back at school to enter into university. Alongside that, there is also a risk that the Te Timahanga Hou programme would also be stopped. Deputy Vice Chancellor Doug Sutton indicated to staff about two weeks ago that, due to great pressure from the government’s Tertiary Education Commissions, the two programmes would be cut as a result of the university exceeding its cap of student numbers. The student population was expected to rise by up to seven percent by the end of the year. The commission usually takes away funding for programmes if the population rises above that of three percent extra. However, the Vice Chancellor seemed to assure staff members that the Te Timahanga Hou programme would be maintained due to its reputation and success so far. However, that would still leave the Pathways College open to dissolution by 2010. The Pathways College, which runs the Certificate of University Preparation (CUP), usually accommodates students that did not do well back in high school and need a year or so to attain extra grades to enter university. Despite the Vice Chancellor saying that the university does not want to cut its pre-degree programme, the fact is that it might be forced to do so in the current educational funding system. Dr Tom Ryan, the president of the Tertiary Education Union stated in the Waikato Times that if the

move was taken into effect, many students would lose their admission into the University of Waikato next year. The news that the Pathways College might face dissolution next year prompted a large group of lecturers, university staff and students to lead a protest at the Green in front of the banks last Tuesday at 1pm. The group of about 50 to 60 people gathered at the green and held up banners and placards protesting the university’s actions. Several people stood up to speak regarding the move and protested strongly against it. One speaker mentioned that it was a wrong move for the government to allow to happen, as that was opposite to what other countries around the world was doing. Ben Delaney, the WSU president also delivered a short speech in which he said, “I am the future and I should be invested in,” in regards to the importance of young students. He added that entrance into university was not easy for many students and they need all the help they could for the transition into a better education. The protest was observed in silence by many of the students who were sitting around the Village Green or who were eating lunch. The short protest started just after 1pm and ended about 20 minutes later. It remains to be seen if the move to cut the Pathways College would actually happen next year, however the possibility of it is very real. Whatever the move will be, it seems likely that serious disagreements will arise on what needs to be done.

NEWS

Leaked documents of “grave concern” By Grant Burns

“Leaked” documents released to the media last week have shown that Minister of Education Anne Tolley is planning to drastically reduce the size of Polytechnic councils to eight members by removing community group representation. Student leaders are “gravely concerned” at the proposed changes to the governance of Institutes of Technology and Polytechnics and are calling on the Government to come clean over the issue. New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations Co-President Sophia Blair is not happy with the proposed changes. ““The proposed changes to representative governance are completely at odds with the Government’s

If the proposed cut of community group representation went ahead, Polytechnic councils would not be fully represented by a fair cross-

previously stated agenda in tertiary education which demands the sector be responsive to the needs of its communities, learners and industry,” said Blair. “How does the Government expect to provide appropriate education and ensure robust decision-making at the highest levels when it removes the very mechanism for ensuring this can happen?” “Students strongly value the current representative governance model as it ensures that a wide range of opinions are represented when important decisions are made,” said Blair.

section of the community. “We are deeply concerned at the manner in which this proposal has been developed – it has been secretive, appears baseless in its recommendations, and is entirely without adequate consultation. For such significant changes, this is extremely poor process and totally unacceptable,” said Blair. Nexus will be following the progress of this story as it unfolds and will keep you to date with any other terrifying, secretive Government plans.

Snow predicted to fall in Hamilton To be specific – the Village Green By Grant Burns

WHAT SHOULD I DO WHEN I GET A FLAT? Often people have problems they didn’t anticipate when they go flatting, maybe with the building itself, the landlord or the flat mates. Any of these can be stressful and often expensive unless you are aware. Tenancy agreements are a big deal and there’s a lot to understand, especially if English isn’t your first language. Fortunately help is at hand. The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other inquiries you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 0800FORCAB (0800 367 222). You can also find information from Tenancy Services who publish loads of detailed information about tenancies on their website and have a free telephone service (0800 836262) including their language line in 39 languages ( http://www.dbh. govt.nz/tenancy) The Department of Building and Housing‘s Flatting 101 (http://www.flatting101.co.nz/ ) is the one-stop-shop for first time renters and students who are seeking out, securing, and moving in and out of a flat. Google First time flatters guide - it tells you all you need to know and page 7 is especially good for sorting out what flatmates need to know with regards to a lease. Keep this information in a safe place - you might need it. Get informed. Don’t get caught out!

According to the star patterns, snow will fall in Hamilton on Tuesday 13 August. It will fall precisely in two even piles on the Village Green. Teams of no more than six people and at least one female will pay $30 to compete for awesome prizes in ‘Snow Dodgeball.’ In related news, National will announce universal interest-free loans and Michael Jackson will perform a sold-out concert at Waikato Stadium. Ok, maybe the last two won’t happen, but the first one will. The WSU is proud to bring you ‘Winter Dodgeball’ on 20 Tonnes ofsame real snow! 13 August at 12pm on the Village Green. The concept is the as Teams of 5-7 atleast 1 girl per team Tuesday 13th August the summer dodgeball earlier in the yearNOW – teams of six throw balls at $30 PER TEAM 12pm Start at the Village Green each other until one team is left standing. Except with Winter Dodgeball, Pick your balls up and register now at the WSU Reception replace rubber dodgeballs with snowballs.or download a registration form online a www.wsu.org.nz/events PRIZESfor for firstthe placeevent. $150 bar tab“It’s for Axces Bar, and heaps of goodies The WSU will be trucking in 20 tons of snow going from Domino’s Pizza and R&R to be a really awesome, unconventional event,” said event organiser Natalie Good. “There will a range of prizes for teams to compete for, including Best Dressed.” Some of the prizes that will be up for grabs include Nitro snowboards and Dominos Pizza vouchers. So grab some mates, register a team at the WSU, and get involved in the only snow-based event in Hamilton this winter.

NEWS

Oceanographer cold on climate change By Grant Burns

Oceanographer Dr Willem de Lange gave students a cold prediction of the future last Thursday at a Golden Key-hosted seminar in S.G.01. De Lange presented a look at the history and future of climate change to from an oceanographer’s perspective mixed with dry wit and satirical rhetoric. De Lange spoke to a near full capacity crowd and quickly assumed the “most knowledge guy in the room” position as he showcased graph

“We all know the Arctic is disappearing and the poor polar bears are facing extinction. Polar bear numbers are in fact increasing. The biggest threat to them is biologists. Biologists have killed more polar bears in the last ten years than global warming has - primarily by shooting them with tranquilizing darts and not retrieving them before they drown.” “I’m predicting an increase in snowfall in the next twenty years, so I’ve taken up skiing and

after graph that he claimed showed the current public data on climate change and global warming is insufficient and inconsistent. Some conclusions based on de Lange’s research included: we are now facing a ‘global cooling’ in the 21st century, cutting New Zealand’s carbon commissions by 40% in 2020 is grossly unrealistic, and that biologists have killed more polar bears in the last 10 years than global warming has.

bought an SUV. So I have some faith in my predictions,” said de Lange. De Lange was also very stern about his views on climate change in the mainstream media. “Climate change with small c’s is real, but climate change with capital C’s, that is represented as a crisis in the media, that is exaggerated.” De Lange’s presentation rounded up the second of two scheduled Golden Key seminars,

but President Daniel Garnett was optimistic for more to come. “Hopefully we’re looking at doing another seminar later in the year. I’d love to do one in music and the arts, but the problem is I need a student to come to me with an idea about a lecturer who would be good to talk at something like this because I’m not a part of the Arts sector.” Any suggestions can be emailed to Daniel at waikato.golden.key@gmail.com.

Te Radar - the epitome of Kiwi ingenuity and failure By Grant Burns

Last Thursday in front of a packed lecture theatre, Andrew Lumsden, a.k.a Te Radar, gave a seminar about the “success of failure” banally entitled “Celebrating failure – Life in the Performing Arts.” For 60 minutes the ex-Hamilton Boys’ High student spoke about his life experiences, time at Waikato University, and why students shouldn’t be afraid of a little failure. Admitting his own greatest failure as “procrastination”, Te Radar gave wholehearted advice about the importance of giving things a go, even if you are doomed to fail. “We live in era now where people always see all this success and think that success just happens. I wouldn’t be where I was today if I hadn’t failed in a lot things. If you live your life always worrying about failing then you will live a life of regret. Failure is a really powerful thing and is actually a better thing for people in the long run,” said Radar.

Radar’s seminar was a very tongue-in-cheek account of his coming of age as an actor, war correspondent, and human being. The most memorable scene was Radar’s account of him and his mate trying to cross into the Gaza Strip posing as Episcopalians admiring church structure. The seminar was very well received by the audience and was a part of Te Radar’s “Eating the Dog” travelling show. When asked who he thought was the greatest failure in New Zealand history, Radar replied, “Ohhh, there are so many. My favourite is still Charles Loraine – the first aeronautical death in November 1899. He was a balloonist and what he did was stand on a trapeze under the balloon and parachuted off. And he did fail quite badly. One day, the parachute fell away and he couldn’t get down. He was last seen sitting on top of this balloon drifting out over the Port Hills in Christchurch, never to be seen again. That’s epic failure.” 11

NEWS

Tertiary Minister Anne Tolley resig—Holy shit, Salient cancels Lundy 500 Michael Oliver - Salient

Salient’s controversial Lundy 500 protest has been cancelled following a huge public outcry. The event received universal condemnation from numerous figures in the community following its announcement on July 31. The protest was to have seen vehicles travel from Petone to Palmerston North, the same route travelled by convicted double murderer Mark Lundy on the day he murdered his wife Christine and daughter Amber, on August 29, the ninth anniversary of the murders.

Wood conveyed his sincerest apologies for the hurt the proposed event had caused. “I spoke to the families and apologised completely,” Wood said. “The event was never intended to draw attention to the family but the problems in this country’s justice system.” Wood said an upcoming issue of Salient about New Zealand’s justice system would address those inconsistencies. “Salient still plans to go ahead with its justice

Salient Editor Jackson Wood cancelled the event three days after its announcement after talking with three branches of the Lundy family.

issue because it is important that we, as students, question the system and continue talking about it,” he said. Salient’s justice issue is planned for release on August 17. Tolley: Unresigned

VAULT Issue 3 March 1995

Drunk driving – it’s legal on campus By The Dirty Mac

Students are being encouraged to drink and drive on campus on Friday 31 March. This fantastic family event is a part of a Waikato Student Union, Drinksafe, and Students against Drink Driving initiative of a “Safe Partying Day” In the morning, sober participants will be videoed and given measured amounts of alcohol outside the library. The drunken students will then be escorted by Police car to a suitable driving location. Throughout the rest of the day, the smashed participants will have their drunken driving ability tested in a range of driving exercises. More alcohol would be supplied to conduct further human experiments. The event is intended to dramatise the dangerous effects alcohol can have on a

person’s driving ability. Students will be supplied with special cars fixed with a second steering wheel where a Policeman will be seated in case the student can’t drive/see straight. A festive atmosphere is encouraged for the occasion with a marquee, stalls and buskers on site, followed by a BBQ and Jazz evening. As a part of the day’s other activities, SADD (Students Against Drunk Driving) will be performing a play about the horror of drunk driving crashes. A WSU spokesperson said “there is nothing that could possibly go wrong with this event. All students are encouraged to get violently intoxicated and bring a comfortable pair of driving pants.”

NEWS

The Nexus Haiku News By Drummond-san

Miley Cyrus â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;stalkerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; charged Perhaps, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll get off If she accepts this apology Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m so sorry! Failed hypnotist fined for failed kiss Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve failed when youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a Lonely mesmerist Who canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t acquire a kiss Vegemite renaming includes â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Tigermiteâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; New Vegemite nomAttracts rather too much scorn Mite not quite catch on Depression seen in young kids It seems obvious

But, say several scientists Kids are sometimes sad Kiwi men make okay husbands Kiwi men rate eighth in world Which begs the question Who does these studies? Stripper not guilty of raping best man It wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t rape, you see The dildo went in his ass Accidentally Unemployment will get worse - English It gets worse, cos Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve fired the public service Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re all looking for jobs

4/4!, 6)3)/. /04/-%42)343

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LETTUCE

PH 07 856 6813

PH 07 856

6813

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS P E WEEK BOOKSHO TS TER OF THBOOKSHOP! WAIKATO UNIVERSITY IVERSITY M BENNET US LET IKATO UN HER FRO THE NEX P! WA .co.nz WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP OK VOUC RSITY BOOKSHO @bennetts $20 BO UNIVE EMAIL wku WAIKATO ADDRESS Gate 5 HillcreststRoad FAX 07 856 2255 d EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz Roa cre

FAX 07

856 2255

S Gate 5

ADDRES

Hill

Sense and sensibility

Letter of the Week

Dear Nexus I just saw a news story on Channel 3 News last night which really pissed me off. The video stores are again beating the drum of ‘internet piracy is costing us money’. I personally believe the skin on this drum is getting a little thick. In the story, one Lindsay hall (who had an excellent moustache, I must say) claimed United Video had lost $20 million in revenue and he pointed the finger squarely at internet piracy. How can this be entirely true? Does he realize that there is a recession at the moment and people are generally spending less money? I’m not sure he does. I have more reason to doubt his claim (or any claim United Video makes regarding loss of revenue through internet piracy) after seeing the petition at United Video which seemed to claim that

Send letters to editor@nexusmag. co.nz Letter of the Week wins a $20 Bennett’s voucher! Letters may also be sent via the letters thread at forums.nexusmag.co.nz. We sometimes get too many letters to publish these days – but don’t stop sending them! Letters that don’t make it into the mag can be viewed in the forum as well. Txts to the Editor! Nexus now has a non-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Bustedtype situations to 021 235 8436. Letters policy: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to editor@nexusmag.co.nz

child pornography downloads were also somehow affecting the industry’s income. What kind of videos are these people peddling, I ask you, that illegal downloads of child pornography are affecting their sales figures? I shudder to think. Furthermore, I think United Video needs to wake up and smell the internet. Their website is sorely out of date and begs to be updated from time to time with a little more information than just a bad overview of the movies available at their store, some of which give away vital twists and turns in the film being advertised. Also, there are a number of legal ways of downloading movies or ordering them online, through applications and networks such as the iTunes store and so on. When I download a movie from iTunes (or, I must admit, illegally) I manage to find one which isn’t scratched. Everytime. The amount of time and petrol I regularly spend returning scratched disks to video stores is definitely inordinate to the amount of time I spend watching the darned things. Putting the disk through some noisy rubbing machine doesn’t even seem to do the trick, despite the assurances of the video store staff. The lure of unscratched movies draws me back online time and time again. On a final note, does United Video realize that dropping the price of $3.50 movies to just $1 and $8 new releases to $4 may be having an effect on their income? I think United should start looking at themselves and their “kiddy porn petitions” way of getting attention rather than hunting down those who enjoy movies without scratches or dodgy hair/fluid samples. MovieLover69

Reply to stupid stupid letter Dear Michaela, Please never tell anyone that you are from Auckland ever again. You have made us look like illiterate douchebags - and although you may be one, the majority of us are not. Hamiltonians hate us enough as it is, why make it worse for us? I would like to apologise to the people of Waikato Uni on behalf of this idiot. I assure you that there is

nothing wrong with your driving, and I have not yet met a person that smells of cow shit. Michaela, if AUT University (that’s Auckland University of Technology University) didn’t want you, then no one does. Erica Warmington

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

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WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP

EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz

LETTUCE

Another stupid letter reply Calling someone fat whilst saying that they fill out their clothes real nice is a backhanded compliment. Much like telling a girl how cute her moustache looks when it catches the light. Sadly, they don’t work. They can be highly amusing. But they don’t work. Yours, Michaela, did neither. We, from Waikato, know we’re alright. We don’t need to be told that. Especially with a peculiar mix of insults and what I assume were supposed to be compliments. In your little epiphany narrative you broke rule number one

It’s even better when they have a history of maltreatment. Like women. It may seem weak, and cruel, but it is severely underestimated. Nothing is more heart warming and satisfying than laughing at a small child who has just been schooled by gravity. You abused the majority. Not only did you abuse the majority, but you did so whilst being a woman, a jafa, AND a woman. You were fighting out of a corner with both hands tied behind your socially handicapped vagina. Instead of writing your letter you would have

of insulting people: Abuse a minority. Attack a group smaller and more vulnerable than your own. This decreases the chance of reprisal, and increases the people that find it funny!

better spent your time cleaning the windows of your glass house. Glad you like Waikato. So do we.

The joy of defending the army

Dear Grant Burns I refer to your backhanded comment in last week’s issue about joining the army, “Students can feel free to... [learn about]...the joy of killing innocent civilians in far off countries”. The men and women who serve in the Army have twice the amount of character you ever will if you truly believe this outrageous stereotype. I strongly object to your comment on the grounds that it was offensive in the extreme. The people you refer to are the ones that, if your country was threatened, would, without hesitation, put their lives on the line in the most literal sense possible to defend and protect your sorry arse and the freedom it enjoys. And yet you repay their dedication to your security by slandering them to the point

Assholes: significant? of suggesting that they find pleasure in killing anyone, let alone innocent civilians. This is defamation in the extreme! Let me assure you that every possible precaution is taken when planning a military offensive and the risks concerning civilian casualty are considered very seriously. It is a colossal injustice that servicemen and women are made to feel like criminals by the very people they have devoted their lives to protect. You should be ashamed of yourself for promoting this kind of libel. Sincerely Gabby It was a Marilyn Manson quote, apparently – Ed.

God you’re funny. Wanted:

my flatmate has a problem. clingy girls hunt him down. he has had three of these bitches in the last two months. I’ve been watching them come, and cum, and cum, and cum and never fuckn leave! what is wrong with these girls? do they have no dignity? do they not know that everyone hates clingyness? If your a nice, single girl who isn’t a clingy bitch then give him a text. his name is Danny and he is 18yrs old and looking for a good root

without the effects of a clingy girl. his number is 027 REDACTED!! give him a text if you can help me out. a concerned flatmate. We don’t put people’s numbers in the Lettuce. Get him to take out a personals ad in the notices if it’s such a problem. You might want to look into advertising for an English/humour/ not being a munter tutor as well – Ed.

I am writing in the hope that all the assholes stop thinking they are significant than everyone else on campus. First of all the asshole in my girlfriends class who deserves a “bunch do de face” please listen to someone else’s opinion before saying “nah that’s all shit blah blah blah I am full of shit.” Secondly I hate going to class and there’s always the idiot who tries to argue with the lecturer thinking they are all brainy because they have done a google search on the point they are trying to argue. Your argument is just like Al Gore and his inaccurate science seen in Inconvenient Truth. The thing is my fellow nexus readers are that people see the answers and agree without applying their own research. Might as well throw religion in there to because it’s just frustrating seeing someone who obviously has just gone with the first thing they’ve been told and everything after is just dismissed! At least look into the other side of the story so you can have a slightly convincing argument rather than just being someone who is just one sided. I will leave the one sided assholes with the following quote “The ultimate ignorance is the rejection of something you know nothing about and refuse to investigate”. - Dr. Wayne Dyer Heemi Gilbert Mauriora 15

LETTUCE Does the fact that you obviously read the magazine count you out? Dear Joshua Drummond, The reason why your magazine gets no intelligent letters is because no intelligent people read your magazine. And, I must admit, it isn’t exactly difficult to discern why this is. Basically, it’s a load of rubbish catering to the trashiest and most immature first year students at Waikato, who havent really realised that university consists of a little more than drinking and unhygienic sexual practices. It’s full of ugly ads for brain-numbing beverages (I’m not rubbishing all alcohol, just cheap RTD’s and the like) and venues conduit to chlamydia. In addition to this, you provide the intelligent reader with approximately zero articles of interest. Aside from the occasional review by Dr. Swainson and the like; the brief Uni news vignettes (and Burton C. Bogan’s columns, which are at least self-aware) there is very little to

However, there is a remedy to all this. And a very simple one too. Basically, cut all the childish and ill-conceived trash out of your magazine. And then replace it with well developed, interesting articles and columns. Surely this cant be very hard, it is a student magazine, for a university. Research being done is meant to be at the forefront of the world! This doesn’t mean a little paragraph in the Uni news section. I know for a fact that there are many interesting projects going on at the University, and I’m sure plenty of them would be happy to donate/write an article. It also doesnt mean you have to restrict yourselves to the university alone, in addition there are plenty more interesting things going on around the Waikato, and heaps, heaps more around the country and even the world. I’m sure plenty of other universities/research centers/ intellectuals/etc would be more than willing to start exchanging

provide any real intellectual stimulation. Reading columns about various ‘shocking’ internet memes; Fourth Form ruminations on sexuality; and observing embarrassingly immature pictures and comic strips are hardly going to provoke interesting letters or discussion. And then when something serious is added, it more often then not has very poorly developed ideas and theories, resulting from an extreme lack of knowledge of the history and context of the situation, and ends up coming across as ignorant and at times even offensive. (I wont name any certain editorials, don’t worry)

information and ideas with a really well run student magazine, it could lead to many more opportunities opening up for students as well. So there you go, easy. William Dear William, Please feel free to volunteer for us. (Also, read page 32.) Ed.

Stupid students Dear Nexus/Greater Student Body Why are you all so stupid? Josh is right, you’re all unimaginative cocks with shivering-testes masquerading for brains. Why, in this interesting time we live in, does no one feel the need to voice an opinion on anything at all? Here’s some helpful starters to get you guys and your scrotum-brain hybrids working: Clayton Weatherston thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him and then stabs her to stop her moving out of town! What the fuck! In new Zealand? Yeah, in New Zealand! And the motherfucker was a UNIVERSITY TUTOR! Are you aware that YOU are at a UNIVERSITY! And this didn’t cause a wave of letters coming in to support or beerate his actions, defended under the narcissicists last bastion: provoked? I think you’re all too dumb, too soaked in reality TV and bullshit soaps to string a competent opinion together, let alone an entire letter where mayb, just fucking maybe, one of you might have something to say about going to university in a country where a young woman was stabbed over two hundred times by a tutor from the same university! How about Paula Bennett, the Thin Lizzy model/National MP who thinks it’s ok to totally open your income up to the public just cos you complained about being unable to support your family on it. And now jokers are jumping up and down on talkback radio with that albino gollywog Paul Holmes ranting about how they’re working hard for their money and they don’t have enough. Well, exactly how much do these faceless rant hoboes earn exactly? Can they tell us that? Or are they worried that someone slightly further down the economic ladder will 16

tell them to HARDEN THE FUCK UP and get on with getting on! That Bennett woman should be ashamed of herself, winning an argument with single parent families over how much money is enough. All this in the climate of MPs opening up ther bank books to us (to a degree) and expecting us to be fine with them renting two houses, owning another on and paying for these with extra money ON TOP of the MP salaries! Do the kids at MacDonalds get petrol money from that creepy clown to drive to work instead of walking through the ghetto/rapist park/rain and so on? No! They have to uyse their own money to get around, their own money to pay their rent and their own money to buy condoms in the hope that they don’t breed more children who will inevitably only eat the food their parents can smuggle home from MacDonalds and will inevitably end upo flippinng burgers alongside dear old mum and dad! So, you thumb-twiddling, RTD drinking scumbags, start having a FUCKING OPINION ALREADY! No wonder neo-facists and extreme conservatism are turning this country into an economic wasteland, bereft of any culture short of rugby-ball chasing farm hands, when all you lot, the FUTURE LEADERS OF NEW ZEALAND are obssessed with how closely you can shave your pubic hair and how many boobs you grabbed on the weekend! Angry Art ps, you want to reply to this letter? How about you do it in a manner other than yelling “dickcuntfaggot” out of your corolla at me and put fingers to keyboard and tell me to go fuck myself!

LETTUCE

Haha lol rofl lmao Hi guys just basically gonna tell u what i think about the response u got from the person complaining about ma m8s being in the busted pics all da tym!!!! um hello it called who cares???? it is not her fault or her m8s fault for that matter that they are really energentic and can loook good in nething that they dress up in, if you got a problem like da editor said takes some photos and get ur arse into the busted it aint dat hard aye!!!! neways enough complaining and will keep seeing ma kewl as m8s in da nexus till u appear sincerely The Camera girl :)

Context-free quote from a letter we didn’t have room to print The poke function on facebook was obviously invented by someone whose sister and mum hadn’t joined yet.

Show us your muffins Lately on campus we have noticed the number of males wearing seam-splittingly tight female jeans. For those of you that are yet to experience the sight of a male heading in your direction, wearing the same pants as you, open your eyes as they appear to be multiplying as the weather gets colder. First and foremost, it makes one feel uneasy to look up from their study notes to see a male counterpart wearing exactly the same jeans that you are wearing at that moment. These jeans are infact made for the womanly figure which in most cases involves gentle curves and a slightly more voluptuous behind. Therefore, when wearing these jeans boys, you may notice you do not aptly fill in the back region of the pants, and this is because you are wearing female jeans … dumbass! Next, we feel that some things must be left to the imagination (and I know first year females are just as bad in this category of dress). Nobody really wants to see which side your genitals are hanging on. You may be unaware of this but females do have internal reproductive organs and yours are external, meaning that these jeans are not designed for you Maybe now is a good time to invest in a pair of men’s jeans that allow space for your bits and bobs (it really is more simple than changing from your regular toothpaste to sensodyne). Finally, when wearing a size XXL shirt, you may think you are, but you most definitely are not hiding the fact that your jeans came from Supre. This is a shop for teeny boppers and first years, therefore you are not doing yourself any favours. And, when wearing the baggy shirt-tight jeans combination you just draw attention to the fact that you cannot dress yourself! We respect the fact that clothing is a personal statement, that what you wear portrays who you really are, but realistically, what you are showing us is your genitals and whether they are hanging to the left or the right. By S and R

Texts to the Editor

Send texts to 021 235 8436!

DONE, SAYS BHFULU This is a respectful request 2 l0rd bfulu 2 bring bak the puzzle pages. If I have 2 sit thru Monday morning without Sudoku again. Heads will fucking roll.

God you’re funny #2

I’ve written a nice poem 4 u. Twinkle twinkle little star.You should know what you are.& once you know what you are.A mental hospital ain’t that far

and logical. If you want debate and response, play the devil’s advocate.

No, he’s not. Good luck with the gimps. Is kirril the Russian 4m kamo intermediate? Plus, an available males…I need a bf…gimps need not apply. – bree

You got the first two the wrong way around Muse < RADIOHEAD < coldplay hahahahahaha\

Serving Odette Ackermann is my serving of Vitamin C

Drop them off at reception? Josh you bastard! You’re never around you twat! I have nexus type things for you!

Care taken Re: caring rant. I care, but the articles you publish (that interest me) are well worded

Death threat for talking Word out to the group of girls in HDOC100 who insist on talking loudly and continually ever single lecture. We (every poor bastard who has to listen to your shit) have had enough. If you don’t stop with tha jibber jabber and making everyone’s life hell (including the lecturer and that’s just fuckin rude) were going to push u down the L.2 stairs. I’m paying hundreds of bucks to listen to your airhead

We’ll provide the Text of the Week writer with a fix of New Zealand’s freshest and bestest Gravity Coffee! All you have to do is text in with something worth wasting words on problems…Fuck NO! This is the 1st and last warning!

Mo’ Mo. Dear Morgan de Groot: read yr column. Mention of Christain diety in NZ anthem now irrelevant to current society, blah blah. That aside, “Christmas songs rife with religious references”-WHAT? Songs abt a RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY shd surely NEVER refer bk to the religion from which it derives, well, ‘th reason for th season’ that’s just crazy talk. Much love, Mo.

I’m sure you know what you’re talking about

Re: Not your Buddylink – Dear Logan, get a fucking job like everyone else u lazy, whining fuck. 17

FEATURE

Goes to:

CHURCH!

For the virgin edition of “Nexus Goes To” it was decided Nexus should go to church. Nexus hadn’t been to church for many years, and we thought it might be a good idea to get a blessing of sorts before embarking upon a new venture. We put out a notice on the Nexus forums and assembled a crew to meet at the church. Three of the Nexus people were carpooling, but Nexus Driver was late leaving his house, then Nexus Girl took ages to come to the front door, and then Nexus Third Person took like 10 minutes from the time we arrived to finally come outside and get in the car, after a text and a phone call. The girl he was entertaining (who incidentally was also Nexus) needed a ride to University, so after her second ride with Nexus that evening we set off for church. 18

Nexus Driver didn’t know the way, but after some abominable directions from Nexus Girl we were able to make it across town to the Gateway Church. It seemed popular, because it took a while to find a park. While we were finding a park, we were able to come up with some entertaining ‘if A implies B, then B implies A’ logical fallacies based on the assumption that all the cars there belonged to people who were at the church. For example, ‘all Christians drive cars’, ‘all Christians are trees’, ‘no Christians are disabled’, and ‘no Christians save you a carpark’. We finally found a carpark, and thus ended possibly the only 40 minutes in Nexus Driver’s life where he could escape any situation by truly claiming he was late for church. Also, no-one met Nexus there. It was just the three of us. Slackers.

FEATURE

The main premise was that if you dabble in the occult, like by using a Ouija board, being hypnotised, or hanging out with crystals, then you have made a contract of sorts with Satan, and the contract does not expire.

The church was huge. Like crazy huge. Everyone was standing up, swaying to an 8-piece band on stage. Nexus took three seats at the back. It was very awkward at first. The lyrics were up on big screens, so there was no excuse not to sing along. It was okay though, because a guy in front of us kept looking around, and seemed to take comfort in the fact that we weren’t singing either. Another guy off to the side yawned, and then looked really embarrassed when he saw that Nexus noticed. A popular stance amongst the congregation was putting both of your hands in your back pockets. Nexus didn’t try it, though. Some people were really getting into the beat, and even dancing a little. The music was okay. It got the job done, in that everyone was getting into the Christian vibe, singing about how great God is. As for actual music, it was basically what U2 would sound like if you broke all the drummer’s fingers and the rest of the band had to slow down to match his new pace. They weren’t actually like U2 though, because this was listenable and the lead vocalist clearly didn’t think he was Jesus. Nexus had never understood the raising your hands up during God-songs bit until now; it’s pretty much the same as when you throw a fist or the horns up at a rock or metal concert – just showing some appreciation for God when the band plays the chorus to your favourite psalm for the fifth time. After the music, there was a quick break, and then a massive goats’ skull inside a pentagram was projected up on the walls. I know! It turns out that this week’s sermon was on the occult. The sermon was pretty decent. The main premise was that if you dabble in the occult, like by using a Ouija board, being hypnotised, or hanging out with crystals, then you have

made a contract of sorts with Satan, and the contract does not expire. So, for example, if you used a stick to find underground water twenty years ago then your connection with Satan still exists, even if you have been hitting church for 15 years. That could be why you have financial or relationship problems, or a poltergeist waking you up every night. We were regaled with lively anecdotes, including one about the a lady who was being woken up by a poltergeist every night, and it turned out that she’d used a Ouija board a while back. After some prayer and stuff it was all better. The preacher pulled a few quotes from the Bible to back all of this up, and most of it seemed solid except for one example which Nexus thinks he missed the context of a little bit. It was a line involving how God makes diviners mad, which was interpreted as making them crazy but the other lines in the passage seemed to be covering how God frustrates and impedes people who use the occult. Nexus can forgive this though, because Nexus often does work at the last minute and just searches for keywords in a text and just tries to force the fit. Putting together a cohesive sermon can’t be easy. He also used puns such as “some people spell Justice as ‘just us’” which is a no-no. However, he mostly had a good comedy routine going, and found rapport with the crowd. At one point he was talking about the negative effects of things like ungodly music or movies, and Nexus was waiting to hear which music was banned but instead he said that he didn’t need to go into that, and if you were honestly trying to commit to Jesus then you’d know yourself what was kosher. So to speak. Nexus liked that attitude. This was related to renouncing your association with parts of your life that God says no to; letting go of attachments is a pretty big issue with

respect to being a human and Nexus thought it was addressed well, within the spiritual context. One thing that the preacher stressed was that these signs of the occult aren’t givens; just because occult involvement can create relationship issues, it doesn’t mean that relationship issues imply occult involvement. It’s just one of many possible signs. Top marks. After church Nexus went to The Cook for a quick beer and some disgustingly overpriced beer-battered fries. They were good, though. Nexus discussed what we’d seen and heard. It was agreed that a surprising number of people had great asses at church, and there were quite a few good looking young girls. This line of discussion was quickly abandoned, but we also agreed that during one of the songs when a guy ran around the perimeter of the church wielding a huge red flag, it was hard not to laugh. The word ‘integrality’ was used on a power-point slide. Call Nexus crazy but there’s a squiggly red line under that word as this is being typed. A big point raised was the idea of spiritual resistance, in that a lot of people find that their lives get tough when they try and accept God. It was explained that this is often the work of Satan, fighting tooth and nail to keep his claim on your soul. The preacher then claimed that other religions do not experience this spiritual resistance, but he didn’t provide any evidence or anecdotes there. Presumably the churchgoers will go and investigate this claim before making judgement, because Nexus didn’t appreciate this subtle alignment of all other religions with Satan. Nexus also decided that next week, Nexus Goes To: Jazz! If you want to hang out with Nexus, be at The Cook at 7:30pm on Wednesday the 12th. 19

FEATURE

Meeting with the President WSU President Pene Delaney has lately been heavily involved with advocating for students with regards to the 2009 national budget, recently released by the Government. Nationals priorities included axing expenditure across most of the public sectors, which includes the money budgeted for support New Zealand’s tertiary education infrastructure. At the heart of the issue is the argument that withdrawing funding from the tertiary sector will weaken the country’s output of up-skilled and educated workers in the long term and immediately reduce the ability of our academic institutions to effectively teach incoming students. The Government claims that this is nothing new; that the previous Labour government promised schemes that it couldn’t afford during a much stronger economic environment, and that the budget will provide more opportunities for jobs that will counter the reduction in enrolment numbers. Nexus barged in on a meeting between El Presidente and Auckland Student Movement President Andre D’Cruz to see where we’re at.

Nexus: First of all, can we get your thoughts on the way things stand right now with respect to the tertiary budget cuts? Pene: It’s not that great, the main problem it the effect of underfunding in the education sector, is that institutions now have to make much larger decisions about their priorities for funding. N: Priorities in terms of not having the resources to provide a proper education? P: Yes, in fact they’re forced to make decisions around things like stricter entry guidelines to limit numbers. What gets taught and what does not. Each decision comes at an opportunity cost N: Right. You’re talking about some significant damage… do you think the tertiary cutbacks are proportional to the cutbacks cross the rest of the public sector? There are all sorts of people and institutions in the same boat who are really feeling the pinch, but that’s just Nationals angle. P: National has cut funding to most of the public sector, but there are areas where they’ve increased it, for example the Justice system. The thing is that internationally, countries like America and Australia who are all in the same recession are increasing spending on education. While they are investing in up-

skilling and educating their workforce, places like Pathways College are being considered for resizing. It’s a very limited short term strategy to take money out of the sector if you look at it terms of the opportunity cost of not investing in our future workforce. N: So we should be pumping as many people through university as we can? Uni is being seen as a sort of haven at the moment; if you can’t get a job then enrol to study and get by. Entry courses like CUP have a failure rate of over 50%, can we afford to be supporting all the people who are signing up for a free ride and not even managing to improve themselves? P: I don’t think people are looking for an easy. Some may prefer to have employment, however due to the recession some just don’t have that option now, and the alternative is unemployment assistance, so we will be supporting them one way or another. By choosing to study a number of students are entering into some serious personal debt as a student, and sacrificing things in the short term. It’s not by any means a free ride. N: Okay, so education needs more funding then, but there’s not a lot to go around. Where would you take it from if it were up to you?

FEATURE

P: …….. N: Alright, that’s an unfair question… P: I think that to be fair if you believe in the value of education as an investment in the country’s future then you would prioritise it as a funding priority. N: Thanks for your time, Mr. President.

So there’s the scoop. If you think this is just more student politics fluffing around in the background, think again. Otago University had a joint project with the Polytechnic down there, building a combined campus with money promised to them by the government. With the new budget, the money is no longer available, and that is aside from a wide assortment of grants and capital expenditure funds no longer on offer. The new budget will see $545 million removed from the tertiary sector over the next four years. As for you? As at the time of publishing, there is currently no official word on which areas of Waikato University are going to be feeling the squeeze. Yet.

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RANDOM Rant of the Week is a competitive column which gives you the chance to vent spleen all over the unwitting students of Waikato University. This week’s rant is by G. Smith. Do send your rants to editor@ nexusmag.co.nz. nexusmag.co.nz

Apathy The Editorial last week was about something I have thought about for some time now. Apathy. Is it a problem with all of us? Do we all just not care? Or is it rather a selective apathy; We care about some things, but not about other things? I passed a rubbish bin today that had a little flyer stuck on it, ‘There is no planetB’, and I wondered about apathy. Likely that wasn’t the intent of the flyer, in fact I’m almost sure of it. Almost. If there are people that care enough to put flyers around the place, surely apathy is not something that infects all of us. But does that mean that those who put the flyers up are not apathetic? Or simply not apathetic about that one issue? I don’t have the answers. I suspect that there are, however, many things those ‘flyer people’ are apathetic about. Maybe I just think that because it makes me feel better about my own apathy. I could write a whole long letter about apathy and how it infects everyone, but then it turns into an essay, and this is a letter and I don’t like not using contractions which is what an essay would require. Also, I don’t care enough about it. I do, however, care enough to tell everyone else off. That’s right, I care! I care that you people don’t care. We live in a world that has many problems. I’ll mention some of them to you. Rape, war, starving children, abuse, murder, racism, and many others. To avoid this becoming a list instead of a letter I’ll stop there. None of those are big words. All of those are things you can do something about. So why don’t you? At least, the very least, I have done something. I’ve written a letter that isn’t a complete failure.

If there is space, I’d like to tell you all a little story. There are a group of people, living in a land, who are infected by a nasty disease. Most of them don’t even know they have it. The disease worked slowly at first, but after a few years it had taken complete control this group of people. Everything they did, everything they thought was twisted and corrupted by the disease. In a sense, they were mad. Their thoughts were not their own, and any action taken was dictated by those thoughts. A lot of those that do know they have the disease, don’t care. That is because they have succumbed to the disease. It is one of the larger symptoms of this disease. What’s worse is that every new child started without this disease, they were all born clean. But as their grew older, it took hold in them and they too became mad. Not the fun kind of mad either. Not the crazy, zany kind, but the kind that strips your will and turns you into a zombie. That’s right, the disease, in it’s final stages, turns people into zombies.

outside of your current life. Be active about it. Simply knowing that you have the disease isn’t going to change anything. You need to do something. I’m going to put my money where my mouth is. I’m going to get off my ass and go talk to the friendly-yet-unapproachable people at Nexus and see if I can get more involved. I have a few ideas that I want to run past them, and if they all get turned down I’m going to see if I can help out in some other way. I’m also going to write follow-up letter in a few weeks and tell you what I’ve been up to. I expect to see more letters in Nexus next week about what other people are doing. If I don’t, I’m going to start carrying around a cricket bat for the day when you all finally become zombies. I won’t be caught off-guard.

Now, it’s a well known fact that zombies are bad. If you see one, you kill it, board up your house, get supplies and start thinking of the safest place to be. Here is where you need to pay extra attention, your lectures aren’t taking that much, so you can afford it. You are that group of people. So is everyone else. The disease is apathy. You are infected. You may even be in the final stages. That’s the bad news. The good news is that there is a cure. But (There is always a but isn’t there?), like all good medicine, you are not going to like it. The cure is to do something. I don’t mean go shopping or something, that wouldn’t help very much. Take an interest in something 23

WSU

Upcoming WSU Events WSU Board Meeting Thursday 13 August 2-4pm in Guru Phabians Lounge (ask at WSU reception if you need directions)

Pres Sez By WSU President Ben Delaney

Student Budget Consultation (12th

Pills, knife or a gun. You decide how to kill yourself. Hey people, hope studying is going well. Life in political land has now become a lot more interesting. Currently as this goes to press, institutions such as universities and polytechs around the country are facing some tough choices. Due to underfunding of the tertiary sector the government, by default, is requiring these institutions to decide how they will manage enrolments. As my title suggests there are many ways in which to do this, however each of these ways will come at a cost to students. With more of us choosing to educate ourselves in a recession, institutions are facing issues around how they manage enrolments and funding of existing students. Our job as your representatives is to make sure that your voice is heard in the change process and that we defend your right for a high quality education and an opportunity to succeed. My friends, the road before us is one that has been forced from above. The end result of this is that institutions will be forced to make value-based decisions around who can study, who cannot and to what level they will be supported. The recent discussion around the Pathways College is a reflection of the need for institutions to make choices. As students, we too have a choice to either accept our pathways being determined by central government policy or to lobby for increased support in education, which allows more of our pathways to be open to us. In the coming weeks and months I will inform you of the changes that will be occurring as a result of underfunding in the sector. As the title suggests, the government is suggesting that the end result is what is expected – how you get there is up to each institution to achieve.

August) 12-2pm in the Bunker, nibbles provided your opportunity to be involved with your Students’ Union Budget

Snow Dodge Ball (13th August) From 12pm Village Green

WULSA Law Ball (21st August) tickets on sale outside the Law School

Adult Learners Week (6-13 September) Celebrating mature students, WSU Sole parent/ Caregiver scholarship awarded

WSU Nominations open (7-18 September) your opportunity to run for your Waikato Students’ Union

Pride Week (12-20 September) WSU Director Campaigns (21 Sep-2 Oct) Vote for me, vote for me…

WSU AGM Directors speeches (23

Veep Speaks

September) I have a dream…

By WSU Vice-President Glen Delamere Hakinakina (30 September) Interschool

The Ginger has left the Building

Maori Sports

International Noho Marae (2nd-3rd

It is with great sadness that we at the WSU had to see everyone’s favourite Ginger hand is his notice to step down as a Director. No he hasn’t been a bad boy and it was at his request that we accepted his resignation. Which he bravely read, being careful not to make eye contact for fear that this could cause an unmanly emotional state. In plain English and as un-PC as I can be, he didn’t want to bawl like a bitch in front of the rest of us.

we thank you for everything you have done for our fellow students and the WSU.

The reality is that after one and a half years as a Director AJ has to put himself first. The amount of time and work that he dedicating as your representative was above and beyond what you would expect. You have set the bar high for current and future Directors Ging and

With that in mind what better time to once again remind you all that we will need a new Board for 2010 and as you can see, Gingers are more than welcome to run we don’t discriminate at the WSU. Nominations open 7th September.

October) The opportunity for International students to experience Maori culture, including an overnight stay on a Marae

WULSA Presents the

Law Ball

Get ready to Wonka 21st August at Mystery Creek

After party at Furnace

DJ Wiggles & Guests MC Tua Jacob on Sax Tickets on sale now Tickets available from the Waikato Studentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Union and from Law Reception between 12-2pm everyday

momento espresso aotearoa

WSU

Waikato’s Pacific Island Students Being Left in the Doldrums By Deni Tokunai

According to 2008/2009 statistics released by the University, there are 429 students enrolled at Waikato who identify themselves as being of Pacific island heritage. Over the years that number has slowly increased courtesy of it being established as a key performance indicator for the University as outlined in consecutive investment plans. Sadly, any actual tangible contribution to the development of PI students across the University has been lacking, and if anything, is negative. For the past two years Pacific Equity funding allocated from the TEC has remained dormant. To be more specific, $90,000 earmarked for PI students is sitting in B Block dreaming of coconuts and snorkelling. It is extremely ironic that the University would put their hand up to become eligible for Pacific Equity Funding and not deliver on their promise to cater for PI students at Waikato. How hard is it to spend free money? When compared to other universities in NZ, Waikato is by far the worst when it comes to the pastoral care of PI students. Unlike every other NZ university, Waikato does not have a full-time paid position such as a PI University Coordinator and existing PI mentor schemes in the schools are implemented only on the chance desire of any faculty member present who is interested in PI student development. If the above doesn’t occur (6/8 schools), PI students are meshed with the Maori segment, along the philosophy of “killing two birds with one stone”. While PI student associations fight for $6000 budgeted for PI student association initiatives, $84,000 merrily sits sipping mango juice and getting sunburnt while all along PI students are dropping classes, failing papers, and not completing their qualifications. To put things into perspective, it’s almost the middle of B Semester and what has been achieved? Nothing. The University may as well wire back the PI Equity funding to the TEC with an early Christmas card with the following note: “Thank you, but your investment is not needed. Our Pacific students are fine as they are”. Yeah right.

Sign On

By Jeff Hawkes So what about this environmental gig? Towards Sustainable Development. There is much ado about conservancy and a result of living sustainably. How is that measured? Statistics New Zealand [SNZ] uses four concepts; meeting needs – how well do we live, fairness – how well are resources distributed, efficiency – how efficiently are we using our resources, and preserving resources – what are we leaving behind for our children. SNZ’s Key Findings on New Zealand’s Progress Using a Sustainable Development Approach: 2008 goes into detail using 16 key indicators to measure progress. The SNZ score: 9/16 for results being in line with target trend 5/16 for a trend opposite to the target 2/16 no overall trend Everyone will be pleased to know the rate of death from assault and health expectancy at birth are following desirable trends, as is the real gross national disposable income per person. Yet, income equality and fairness fail to hit the target trend. Efficiencies - greenhouse gas emission and consumer energy use relative to GDP, and labour productivity - look good here in NZ, but saving for future generations gets 2/6 for hitting trends. Come on Waikato (and NZ), SIGN ON! I am not so sure I personally agree with the relationships between target dimensions and key target indicators. With good access to early childhood education, favourable educational attainment of the adult population and a positive trend in real net stock of total assets per person, some of the social distribution results seem inconsistent. Environmentally speaking, keep an eye out for Conservation week 13-20 September.

WSU Nominations are Open 7 September 09 We Want You! 26

20 Tonnes of real snow! Teams of 5-7 atleast 1 girl per team NOW $30 PER TEAM

Tuesday 13th August 12pm Start at the Village Green

Pick your balls up and register now at the WSU Reception

or download a registration form online a www.wsu.org.nz/events PRIZES for first place $150 bar tab for Axces Bar, and heaps of goodies from Dominoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Pizza and R&R

NOTICES

The Nexus Noticeboard Send notices to notices@nexusmag.co.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. Placing notices is free for students. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Notices cannot be any more than 75 words unless you ask us specifically and we say yes. They will roll over every two weeks, unless specified – so please, tell us how long you want us to run your notice for. We will not accept handwritten or otherwise non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta.

Flats and Mates Flatmate wanted. One room of five available. Hamilton East. Ten minutes walk from uni. Close to shops. $100 including power, phone and internet. email ryalkane@ihug.co.nz or ring Ross at 0212651764. Need somewhere to live? Well this might be relevant to your interests. Close to uni and grey st shops, our place is great for those who prefer to travel on foot although for those of you that drive there’s plenty of parking space. Already living are 2 guys and 1 girl, all at uni. $88 pw covers rent, power, internet and flat basics. Furnished w single bed. TXT Joseph now 0276988407 Flatmate wanted: Someone who isn’t: Annoying (captain obvious), unhygienic (seat urinator, pubic hair moulter), stupid, lazy, a loner (please have your own life), a chonric singer to lame songs (aka audioslave) or a food thief. If you are none of the above, we want you to replace our flatmate who is all of the above (he doesn’t know hes out yet). $90 a week for everything apart from food. Room is small but sunny, big enough for all your stuff. We have a heatpump Close to uni & shops Text 0273581931 or 0272822620 Flatmate wanted for a 4 bedroom house on Dey st (10-15 minute walk 2 uni). Rent is $96.75 per week. Includes power, phone and broadband (unlimited data). The house is warm and fully furnished apart from the bedroom. Live with 3 females, 1 studying, 2 working. Offstreet parking is avaliable and the house is down a long shared driveway so it’s fairly secure. Text or ring 0274257772 or 021885553

Flatmate wanted: One bedroom available in a clean and tidy four bedroom apartment style building with off street parking. There are 3 existing flatmates, 2 female (ages 20 &21), 1 male (age 20) all in third year at uni. We pay $100 rent, +$50 for food, power, broadband and phone. We are a friendly flat and are looking for someone who is easy going and fun! We don’t party every weekend but do every now and then! :) Contact us on 0274229602 Friendly, reliable, tidy person wanted to move in with two guys and one chick. 3 min walk to Engineering block, 5 min walk to Management block. $120 pw inclusive of wireless internet, unlimited national calling, power and some foods. Text Libby - 0273375714. 3 rooms available for rent (two inside, one large sleep out) 66 may street Hamilton east Two shower’s Super back yard heaps of fruit tree’s and sun Car port and two garages Great neighbourhood! 5 min walk from uni super close Bond per person required.

Random YOUNG NATS DRINKS AND AGM Saturday 15 Aug at 7pm 5 King Street, Hamilton For more info cniyoungnats@gmail.com New, existing and future members welcome. AMAZING DISCOVERIES PRESENTS! CAN WE BELIEVE BIBLICAL EVENTS ACTUALLY TOOK PLACE? COME AND LISTEN TO INTERNATIONAL SPEAKER ROSS PATTERSON CONDUCT A SERIES OF PRESENTATIONS THAT WILL GIVE CREDIBILITY TO THE BIBLE THROUGH ARCHAEOLOGICAL FINDINGS FROM THE MIDDLE EAST.

STARTING SUNDAY 23 AUGUST AT 7:00pm AT THE WAIKATO UNIVERSITY CAMPUS ,BLOCK S, LECTURE THEATRE 1.04. ANY FURTHER INQUIRIES CONTACT CATHERINE ON (07) 8556827 OR 0274835777 AMAZING ACTUAL SCIENCE PRESENTS! Can we believe Biblical events actually took place? Not so much. Still, why not go to the presentation listed above? Go for the coffee, stay for the mockery. If you were wondering, you can readily obtain actual, credible information from historical and biological textbooks, rather than the Big Book of Barbarian History and Fairy Tales. Fighting Fit Boxing club is a non-profit boxing club on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, 6:30pm-8pm at 90b Commerce St, Frankton. Dr Raymond Richards, Senior Lecturer in the History Dept, is the Assistant Coach. The club welcomes male and female students looking to get fit and/or box competitively. Boxing is excellent cardio training with a focus on core strength. Low fees. Inquiries Jeff 021 737 597. Islam Awareness Week Theme: “Al-Mizan”, Finding a Balance in Life Monday 10th August, 6.30pm Venue: Hamilton City Council reception lounge Wednesday 12th August, 6.30pm Venue: S1.04 Lecture Theater, Waikato University Thursday 13th August Venue: Displays/workshops at Wananga and WINTEC Saturday 15th August 10:30 am - 3pm Venue: Mosque open day, 921 Heaphy Terrace Note: FREE Ethnic food provided For more information call Ismail Gamadid 0211257127 29

COLUMNS

THE MADNESS

Morgon deGroot

The State of the Music Industry The music industry is pretty shit. Let’s be honest here. Most artists in the charts are there because their bass-lines are too loud to ignore, or because they’ve got where they are from coving the song of a legend. Or worse; by sampling. To be fair, it’s far easier to rip off someone else than create original music. Anyone who’s picked up a guitar and a notepad and convinced themselves that they’re going to write a chart topper only to realise they’ve just stolen the chord progression from Oasis’ Wonderwall knows what I mean. I’m talking to you, Green Day.

intellectual disability, you are not excused from the poor pronunciation to warrant the reduction to a single letter. It’s this sort of thing which makes it acceptable to complete high school exams in text messaging language. You see what I did there? I even spelt “texting” in full. None of this obtuse vowel contraction crap. That’s not what you get when you peruse this fine column in this fine magazine, dear reader. You get so much more. A column of words that can be read rather than fought with, something the majority of people who write into Lettuce seem unable to comprehend.

There are, of course, other far worse offenders to the crime of bad sampling. One hip-hop ‘musician’ thought it wise to base a song around the “Wheels on the Bus” tune. Yes, it’s exactly the same song you’re thinking of, the one you sang as a child on bus rides. Thank you, ‘Lil Mama’ (if that indeed is your real name) for creating possibly the greatest travesty in music of this, or any other century. And what is it about music nowadays that feels compelled to use incredibly bad spelling and grammar and think it acceptable. Contracting words down to single letters is futile if it is to be pronounced the same. “You” might as well stay “You”, not “U”. Frankly, I don’t think anyone is too busy to type two letters more, and unless you have some sort of

If you’re incapable of writing or singing, but a willingness to remove clothes, you might indeed have a shot in the music industry. Or prostitution. Or pornography. But when it comes to music, we can’t help but look at the likes of Lady Gaga (Again, if that is your real name) whose compulsion to straddle things, especially when naked, is alarmingly present in all her videos. It’s this kind of abject and blatant whorishness that the industry is filled to the brim with, an overflow from movies and fashion where looks reign supreme. That’s why I hate those media worlds. It’s not based on talent, or personality. It’s how good you look when you’re in the nude. I’m getting worked up. Time for an Eskimo Pie, I think.

WANT TO BE INVOLVED WITH NEXUS BUT CAN’T TEAR YOURSELF AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER?

forums.nexusmag.co.nz ..........sign up today!

COLUMNS

SPORTS THOUGHTS

THE NERDARY

Hooray! I’m back in the Waikato! With my head intact as an added bonus.

by Jed Laundry

By Teresa Hattan

With the start of the Air New Zealand Cup a few weeks back there will be much to write about in the coming weeks about the Waikato squad. Going by the results of seasons past I predict a few columns with the word “lost” being mentioned in the foreseeable future. This is typical with the Waikato team, nothing to be ashamed of really, we supporters just need to keep ringing them cowbells! To mix dirt into our wounds Waikato and Chiefs player Sosene Anesi has admitted that a future with the NSW Waratahs for next year’s Super 14 is a possibility. The joys of next season without the speedster (*note sarcasm*) I’m off to a Waikato game this weekend, so will have live action to report back next fortnight. Onto other exciting sporting events held over the past two weeks: In case you’ve been hiding under a rock, as you do, the All Blacks were thrashed by the Springboks. Twice. Who knows what happened in between the first and the second game, but one would think that a whole heap of preparation and pep talk would have been on the agenda. Not so. Graham Henry said not to worry; we’ll just try our best. Try our best? We were the number one rugby team in the world. Please note that I said ‘were’. As in no longer. Kaput. Nada. New Zealand’s double defeat against South Africa pushed us out of the number one spot. Rightly deserved if I say so myself, going by the way we played. Now the Springboks move onto play Australia at home with an un-changed line-up. The boys across the ditch are sure in for a treat. The Boks will be back in our territory next month, playing at Waikato Stadium on September 12. It will be a big night for the Tron. Let’s change the subject before I use up all my word count venting about how shockingly the men in black played. Warriors Fullback Wade McKinnon has been dropped for breaking the National Rugby League club’s protocols. Really? Sounds petty to me. But no, McKinnon was late for a recovery session in Sydney after the Warriors’ draw with Penrith the previous night. He was late so the dropped him. Harsh! What if we all got fired for being late to work? As mentioned in the last column, the Silver Ferns squad was just about to be announced. Our own Magic co-captain, Casey Williams, was announced as captain. The current Silver Ferns squad it: Liana Barrett-Chase (Steel), Maree Bowden (Tactix), Temepara George (Mystics), Katrina Grant (Steel), Paula Griffin (Pulse), Joline Henry (Magic), Charlotte Kight (Tactix), Laura Langman (Magic), Camilla Lees (Pulse), Sheryl Scanlan (Steel), Wendy Telfer (Steel), Anna Thompson (Tactix), Maria Tutaia (Magic), Irene van Dyk (Magic), Casey Williams, Captain, (Magic). That’s all for this week, look out for the live reporting of Waikato Vs Manawatu in the next sports column.

I feel dirty. Not because of anything sexual (not that I would normally clarify that, but Yu Jia, who’s sitting next to me in the lecture which I’m typing this, tried to move away when I typed that). But after a year of trying to evangelise Microsoft and convince the masses that a Windows Mobile device is better than a Blackberry or iPhone, I’ve finally given up on my cause, and am about to go and buy an iPhone. I’ve had a good year with my Okta Touch. I’ve dropped it more times than any other electronic gadget I’ve owned, I’ve lost the only stylus I’ve ever lost (and promptly found it two days later), I’ve written software for it, and had to reset it every 3 days. I hacked it to run Windows Mobile 6.1, and even hacked other people’s touches to run 6.1. I’ve cursed its lack of decent web browser and I’ve praised it’s ability to multitask. But its time has come. The thing that drove me over the edge? Whenever I press the green or red buttons, normally used for making, receiving and

I feel dirty. Not because of anything sexual (not that I would normally clarify that, but Yu Jia, who’s sitting next to me in the lecture which I’m typing this, tried to move away when I typed that ending calls, have stopped working. Instead of allowing me to make, receive or end a call, they now open the Start menu. It’s a sign it’s been possessed, and it’s time for me to put it out to pasture. So, after badmouthing the Apple’s App Store Kindergarten, its masculine single-tasking, and my general dislike for Objective-C, I’m joining the herd and buying an iPhone. I know I’m going to hate it, but then again, my love for Windows Mobile has been bittersweet. “Why not get the Palm Treo Pro”, you ask? Well, because I’ve decided that Windows Mobile is at the end of its life. C’mon, everyone saw this coming. Apple has done one thing incredibly right; taking software updates out of the hand of the carrier. It took Telecom a year to release the Windows Mobile 6.1 upgrade for the Okta Touch, and that was a free, major overhaul that actually made the SMS application usable. WinMo 6.5 adds a bit of gloss, but there are still major flaws that aren’t being addressed, like the lack of decent browser. So I’m now on the Apple store, about to spend a pile of money on a phone that I know I’m not going to like very much, just like my last phone and the phone before that. Such is life, I guess. But what’s to become of Touchy? I’ll probably make some sort of permanent mount in my car, and use it for GPS (Auckland sux) and playing music. It was a good companion, but it no longer has a place in my pocket.

COLUMNS

vitaminC by vitaminC Intellectually engaging content in Nexus. If you were scanning the magazine for that, I hope I caught your attention. If you even bothered scanning the vitaminC column, thanks for the vote of confidence. This column won’t contain any, but I was spurred on the Lettuce we received this week and I’d like to put my two cents in, purely from the perspective of having contributed to Nexus in some capacity for (I pray I’ve miscounted) five years, and having worked with four editors. Firstly, thanks to William for writing that letter. Most of it is on the nail, except the part where he says nobody intelligent reads Nexus. Firstly, he read enough of it to write in, and secondly I know plenty of intelligent people who say they read it, even if it’s just because they know people who write it. The core of the problem as I see it is that a university magazine targeted solely at people who wanted to digest its material on an intellectual level would be a failure (aside from the problem of actually generating said material). In our dark moments, Josh and I occasionally lament the futility of trying to provide meaningful content to the unwashed masses of Waikato University. This usually prompts an editorial like the one last week and suddenly there’s all sorts of positive feedback, leaving us stumped. When we do surveys and question people on what they like or want to see more of in Nexus, by far the most popular response is the Busted page, and Agony Art (ignore the crap and bring it back, Arthur). The third most popular request is to have more Sudoku on the Puzzle Page, followed closely by “get rid of the Sudoku.” It seems that not everyone is at University to better themselves or to gain a critical perspective on their world. Some are here to get some letters after their name, and to soak up whatever passes for student culture. As for the advertising, well that’s just a fact of life. A student magazine is the holy grail of advertising for bars, and it would be irresponsible in terms of solvency not to capitalise on that. The financial side of things is rather important to Nexus, considering the troubled waters it has barged through. 32

The obvious solution is to have a bit of both, some golden mean of intellectual and social content. If anyone has any ideas about what that might be, there’s a box of beer in it for you. What kind of engaging discourse can we include that a bored twenty-something would also want to skim through in a lecture? As student media we are lucky in that we can (nearly) say whatever we want, under the assumption that noone cares what’s written in a university rag. Put the shoe on the other foot, and who cares what a university rag has to say about political and international affairs? When Nexus received a budget increase to upgrade to glossy paper, we were deluged with complaints that it was no longer useful as toilet paper. It was touching, honestly. With the current state of information flow,

The core of the problem as I see it is that a university magazine targeted solely at people who wanted to digest its material on an intellectual level would be a failure where anyone can access The Onion, College Humour, Time, Maxim, or the New Zealand Herald, what can we offer that isn’t already being offered for free by well-staffed, well-paid publications? Our sole point of difference is that our newsdesk is located at Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Hamilton. So whatever we aspire to, in order to maintain relevance we are bound to this lowest common denominator, as it were. This isn’t a complaint, just rumination. As for social content, it seems to me that people want to see themselves or their reflection in the magazine. That’s my explanation for the popularity of the Busted page. Having done a few photo missions back in the days when we used to go out every weekend and take the photos ourselves, the line “do you want to be in Busted?” could just about get you laid, if it weren’t for the fact that you were in a nightclub with a giant camera around your neck. I’d like to see some real life put into the magazine, but Waikato

students are notoriously hard to engage. I think it would be cool if people could pick up the magazine and say “Hey, that’s me” or “Ho ho ho, I was there; that’s so true!” or whatever people say when they pick up a magazine that provides an interesting weekly touchstone for their main day-to-day focus at this point in their lives (attending a university). Most people missed an article about how to lockpick a couple of weeks back because it was disguised as academic waffle. Talk about under the radar. Would we be better off hiding important student issues amongst drinking tales? Important student issues aren’t important to students; we are studying despite all the financial bullshit that it entails, not because we’ve been coaxed into it by mediocre concessions from the government. Our student union work their asses off on this stuff so that everyone else can go about their business and show up for a free sausage now and then. When there was a Supergroove concert on campus – SUPERGROOVE ON CAMPUS - people had to be let in for free because hardly any tickets sold. If Supergroove doesn’t grab you people, what will? That’s a genuine question I’d like to leave you with, not a cry of rage. I just thought I’d shed some light on what’s up behind the scenes; why the magazine is the way it is. This is the stuff an editor, a graphics editor and two sub-editors try to work through on a weekly basis, when they aren’t sitting around the office opinionating on the latest headlines and world issues, discussing American Literature, swapping guitar riffs, and actually putting the damned magazine together. Into that busy schedule we’d love to add “generate intellectually engaging, Waikato-studentrelevant articles”. It’s on the checklist. Finally, the token response to anybody who really thinks there’s something that should be in Nexus but isn’t: Why don’t you do it? Please, please, do it and send it in. But don’t forget to make it well-written, intellectually stimulating, and Waikato-student-relevant or we can’t run it, sorry.

REVIEW

THE PHAT CONTROLLER

Metal Slug: Super Vehicle-001 Retro Review By Cyro

For those of you who have never heard of this awesomely addictive game – Metal Slug is a fast paced 2D animated side-scrolling shootem-up, notably published by SNK, the Japanese game company famous for its King of Fighters and Samurai Showdown series. Metal Slug follows the protagonist, soldier Marco Rossi, as he battles his way through legions of enemy soldiers, tanks, planes, and bosses, along the way picking up power-ups and freeing POW’s for added bonus points and weapons. For that extra bit of fun, the game also features a 2-player co-op mode which allows you to play the secondary character: Tarma Roving. As the story goes, the lead designer wanted to create a prototype armoured fighter vehicle that moved like a slug, thus the ‘Metal Slug’ concept was born. The ‘Metal Slug’ tank is the main playable vehicle in the game and – like the game – is intensely fun especially when blowing shit up with the main cannon. The player can even perform a suicide tank attack as a last resort. The story is quite simplistic on the surface: armed with your trusty pistol and a few grenades destroy anything that moves, save a few prisoners at the same time as hopefully stopping some evil General from taking over the world. The game itself can be beaten within an hour, though keep in mind that Metal Slug was designed for the arcade and this fun fast game suits that scenario quite well

Whilst being fast-paced and action-filled the game is quite humorous as well. On occasion the player will come across enemy soldiers playing cards, drinking, having BBQs and generally just slacking off before realising they are being attacked and drawing their guns or running away screaming for reinforcements. The little witty comments characters make at

as you wouldn’t really want to stand up for hours on end playing at the arcade. Although Metal Slug is sweet and short the replay value is immense, there are heaps of secrets to be found, story to be uncovered and the 2-player mode adds a whole new depth and a slightly different ending to the game. There are a total of six missions, each with its own boss battle at the end of it. Some are incredibly hard - especially without dying a few times. As with most games, the difficulty increases as each mission is completed and the concentration required makes for some interesting moments. The missions all have different locations ranging from luscious jungles to snowy mountain ranges, which really aid in showcasing the intricate detailed handdrawn Japanese animation. Additionally, the landscapes all feature destroyable surroundings which add for extra hidden surprises and secrets.

the start and end of levels are just the icing on the cake. Originally intended for the Neo Geo system, Metal Slug and its noteworthy sequels, are available on a multitude of consoles ranging from the Sega Saturn to the Xbox 360, so no matter what your system – or emulator – there is no reason not to at least give this addictively action packed game a go. There were multiple entries for last weeks PAIN contest! Chopstick came up with the best description of a dream-date with David Hasselhoff in less than 30 words: “Beach. Sunset. Red speedos. He rescues me by wrestling a shark. I fall into his arms apologising for being such a hassle. He replies, “Hey, no one hassles the Hoff.” I ride him to shore.” Heart-pounding stuff! Come to the Nexus office to get your prize.

Consultation Budget Wednesday 12 August Nibbles will be provided

Place: the bunker Time: 12-2pm

REVIEW

MOVIE REVIEW

it’s almost unbelievable to witness this pair of character actors completely disappear into their roles

Public Enemies Dir: Michael Mann

Reviewed by vitaminC The idea that times change is not particularly earth-shattering in itself, but the who and the why of it are the essence of our folk legends, and they make up the cast of characters in our history books and myths and legends that predate them. The names of Osama Bin Laden and George Bush will live on as the main characters in a conflict that reshaped society. Public Enemies describes the birth of an agency in the United States that had the power to transcend state borders, in wide was widely viewed as trampling over the freedoms that America had come to represent. What is now known as the Federal Bureau of Investigation was built up by J. Edgar Hoover in order to hunt down John Dillinger, a double jail-escapee serial bank robber and media darling, who also had the habit of getting involved in bloody shootouts alongside his accomplices Baby Face Nelson and Pretty Boy Floyd.

by glorious postcard-photo tableaus (a scene at the derby sticks in my mind), as the film progresses from the days of broad-daylight bank robberies and noir escapades to the straight-laced detective work of Hoovers administration. Hoover dreamed of an efficient, tightly run bureau staffed by accountants armed with briefcases and deductive skills and while Purvis stresses to his team that they will beat Dillinger with superior know-how, he also knows that they will need real lawmen to bring down a band of maniacs armed with submachine guns. The action sequences play out with shaky-cam urgency (fortunately Mann knows the importance of keeping the details clear in the shot, as opposed to the Bourne Schizophrenia), but interspersed with the occasional glamour shot they present a believable account of the last great bank robber.

Johnny Depp draws most of the attention playing Dillinger with his trademarked charm, opposite Christian Bale as Melvin Purvis, the agent assigned by Hoover to bring him down. Opposite in the sense that these two are the faces of the two opposing forces in the narrative, but the film follows the historical account and they never come face to face. Given the proliferation of their roles in blockbuster-type movies of late it’s almost unbelievable to witness this pair of character actors completely disappear into their roles, but they work in tandem with Michael Mann’s tendency to focus on the setting as the main character; in this case the mood and context of the changing nature of law enforcement during the Great Depression. Opening with the de-saturated wild west earth tones of a jailbreak in Indiana where we meet Dillinger and then the muted blue and greens of an Ohio orchid where Purvis brings down Pretty Boy Floyd, the cinematography mostly runs with intimate handheld camera work, occasionally punctuated

Dillinger is a dying breed, you see. His antics caught the attention of the media and the government, and basically provided Hoover with the justification for what amounted to emergency powers. With the ability to operate across state borders, the new Bureau was now a serious threat to Mafia operations, who used to shelter people like Dillinger. Dillinger was their star player, until he brought everything down on their heads. As the Bureau exercises its new freedoms to record telephone conversations, torture captured gangsters and violently interrogate those suspected of involvement, the Mafia is forced to go deeper underground and cut loose its liabilities.

Mann doesn’t make any particularly bold statements here, but rather prefers to take a timely look at the roots of some of the major issues in our headlines today, with an apt historic parallel.

REVIEW

DVD: Dr. Horrible’s Sing-along Blog I’m not a Buffy fan, or a Firefly fan, or a fan of any other stupid T.V show for idiots. Just kidding, I’m a Lost junkie. Anyway, I watched this because it was sitting on the coffee table and I have no life. Looks like I qualify as a Buffy fan after all. (Shut your filthy mouth – Ed.) Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog was made during the Writers Strike, when no-one was allowed to make anything that involved a writer who was in the Writer’s Guild of America. Joss Whedon, with his eye for bad television, seems

blogs his life, describing his various new evil inventions and his love for the girl he keeps seeing at the drycleaners, but is yet to make an audible connection with. He’s a useless villain, constantly screwing up his inventions or messing up his plans (mainly because the LAPD and his nemesis, Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion) watch his blog too. One day, during an attempt to heist some wonderflonium, he comes across the girl from the drycleaners, Penny (Felicia Day). Of course, Captain Hammer intervenes and at the same time

career on looking cheesy, plays it up suitably. For me, most of the best humour came from riffing on the superhero/super villain clichés. The Evil League of Evil consists of assorted wierdos, including Dead Bowie and Fake Thomas Jefferson. I won’t spoil the identity of the leader, Bad Horse (the Thoroughbred of Sin). Dr. Horrible’s roommate is Moist, with the power to make the mail soggy when he gets it from the letterbox. And so on. I’d say there’s enough cleverness to make it worth watching, even if it’s solely due to the

to correctly have predicted that this would lead to all sorts of shit on TV and we have Rock of Love, Flava of Love, Ice Road Truckers and Axe Men as a result of this. Anyway, he and his brothers sat down to make a decently budgeted mini-series to release in installments on the intertubes for free. This is a musical that details the exploits of Dr. Horrible (Neil Patrick Harris) as he attempts to join the Evil League of Evil and maybe even take over the world. He regularly video-

meets Penny, who starts dating to spite Dr. Horrible. And so the stage is set for revenge. While the dialogue is fantastic in its intentional horribleness, most of the film is made up of high-school theatre grade musical numbers. The songs are decently written though, and the lyrics are ironically clever enough to elicit a chuckle during the duets where Dr Horrible sings his bit and Penny sings her bit and then they get overlapped with the harmony and why-not. Fillion, who seems to have built his

fact it only runs for 40-odd minutes. It’s a nice play on the musical tradition of singing your feelings out loud, combined with the latent cultural trend of blogging your feelings to however will listen. The surprise climax (in that you are surprised it’s the climax) is suddenly eclipsed by the final half second cutaway before the credits, and the “oh shit, wow” moment when the credits roll made it worth the watch for me. Good, quick fun.

Auteur House Presents: William Wyler

By Dr Richard Swainson

William Wyler received more Oscar nominations than any other director: 12 in all, a record that is unlikely ever to be surpassed. He won on three occasions: for a now dated piece of World War II home front propaganda, “Mrs Miniver” (1942); for that film’s brilliant, post-war equivalent, “The Best Years of Our Lives” (1946), and for the ultimate Hollywood epic, the 1959 remake of “Ben Hur”. Only John Ford won more gold statutes in the Best Director category. This is not to say that Wyler was America’s finest filmmaker of his time. Oscars measure popularity - with the public as well as with Hollywood peers - and Wyler’s records say as much about his political savvy and commercial instincts as they do about his artistry. Equal or superior talents like Hawks, Welles and Hitchcock went scandalously under-recognised by the Academy during the same era. Amongst Wyler’s strengths were a sense of the dramatic and literate, good taste. Although he made movies in a diverse number of genres he is not celebrated as a genre director per se in the same way that Hawks is. The Wyler

sensibility tends to transcend the conventions of the form. His westerns, for example - “The Westerner” (1940) and “The Big Country” (1955) - are essentially character studies rather generic exercises. Both are good films but neither tend to be thought of as ranking amongst the great westerns as do the works of Hawks and Ford. One critic even describes “The Big Country” as an ‘anti-western’, presumably because violence is critiqued and undermined by its Eastern protagonist, a man who sees no sense in range wars, territory disputes or family feuds. “Ben Hur” is similarly guilty of being far too intelligent for a biblical age epic. Sure, Wyler delivers on the chariot race spectacle - wisely delegating most of the job to stunt co-ordinator Yakima Canutt - but it is the human drama that improves on Lew Wallace’s source novel, a combination of atmosphere and playing that keeps religious piety at bay and encourages emotional investment in the characters, even Judah’s not entirely unsympathetic nemesis, Messala.

There was nothing pretentious or overblown about the cinema of Wyler. He made melodramas like “Jezebel” (1938), “The Letter” (1940) and “The Little Foxes” (1941), all vehicles for sometime mistress Bette Davis, but kept the material’s inherent excesses carefully in check, ever aware of the dangers of going over the top or becoming camp. Perhaps the film that best sums up Wyler is the one that initiated his great period, “Dodsworth” (1936). It is the tale of a successful businessman whose marriage goes sour in retirement. Brilliant but subtle performances from Walter Huston and Mary Astor demonstrate Wyler’s renowned skill with actors, the presentation of late love has a quiet power to it without being cloying, and ideas about class, capitalism and the fear of getting old retain a relevance and resonance over 70 years later.

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REVIEW

BOOK: Pop Salvation by Lance Reynald reviewed by Jason Sebestian

Imagine being a young boy growing up in a typical American suburban school in Washington DC. Imagine being bullied for your small size and silent, gentler nature. Then, on a school field trip to the city’s art museums, you discover Andy Warhol. After that, you discover the world of art and creativity. A world where everyone is unique in their own way and free to be who they really are. That is essentially the beginning ‘Pop Salvation’. A story that is strikingly similar to tons of other teen aged growing up fiction stories yet remarkably different in the way the story is written. The author draws you in with what is a colourful, touching and amazingly vivid style. Each character that appears is stereotypical yet that does not stop one from enjoying

the depth and the story of even the blandest of characters. However, what with a cast consisting of an Andy Warhol look-a-like, an upper class socialite, your typical all-American boy athlete as well as a transvestite with a dramatic flair, how can one expect the characters to be bland? However, the greatest surprise was probably the appearance of the Rocky Horror Picture Show within the book. Indeed, the musical show plays an important role in the film as it is the start of the main character’s transition from teen innocence into sad adulthood. From virgin initiations to pop art masterpieces to the touching story of the often difficult life of a misfit artistic genius, ‘Pop Salvation’ is a book not to be missed. Indeed, I was not expecting much when I first opened the cover.

However, the vividness and life in the story proved too hard to put down. Despite the ending being slightly predictable, overall, it was a good effort.

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REVIEW

CITRIC Nick Johnston

Over the next ten Nexus issues, I will be compiling a Top Ten for each year in this decade, concluding with a Best of 2009 poll (even though it will be published a bit early and won’t take into account the final few months). As is the nature of any music-ranking list, it will be very opinionated and may not represent all genres. Muse have unveiled their new single Uprising, with a glam rock beat that singer/guitarist Matthew Bellamy described as a “heavy-rock take on Goldfrapp”. Between the Queen-esque free download United States of Eurasia and this track gram track with Dr Who sounding synths, it is impossible to tell what the rest of the album might sound like at the moment. The Resistance is due out in September. A Modest Mouse video directed by the late Heath Ledger premiered last week for the song King Rat. Ledger died before he could finish the video, so the project was completed by partners from the film company The Masses. The tracks for Guitar Hero 5 have been announced. Following in competitor franchise Rock Band’s footsteps, there is greater mix of alternative and indie music on the playlist, including TV on the Radio, Vampire Weekend, Band of Horses and The Duke Spirit. The album from 7 Worlds Collide, Neil Finn’s massive supergroup project, will be out on 31st August. The album has a MySpace page with

1-minute previews of a few of the songs. The collaboration features Johnny Marr (The Smiths, Modest Mouse), Ed O’Brien (Radiohead), Jeff Tweedy (Wilco) & KT Tunstall to name a few of the international musicians, as well as local artists Don McGlashan, Liam Finn and Bic Runga.

Great albums of 2000-2009 Top Ten – 2000 1. Radiohead – Kid A 2. Queens of the Stone Age – Rated R 3. The New Pornographers – Mass Romantic 4. At the Drive-In – Relationship of Command 5. Outkast – Skankonia 6. Sleater Kinney – All Hands on the Bad One 7. Godspeed You Black Emperor - Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven 8. White Stripes – De Shijl 9. A Perfect Circle – Mer de Noms 10. Marilyn Manson – Holywood (In the Shadow of the Valley of Death)

The Dead Weather - Horehound A supergroup like this really is a dream come true for any reviewer. The band features Alison Mosshart (The Kills), Dean Fertita (Queens of the Stone Age), Jack Lawrence (The Raconteurs) and Jack White (White Stripes, The Raconteurs). Their debut album Horehound, released on Jack White’s Third Man label, was recorded over a couple of weeks earlier in the year. It started off as an impromptu jam, but the collaboration worked out so well all of the members have currently put their day-job jams on hold to tour with the lineup. Alison is by far the star on this record. Whether she is softly crooning or screaming into the microphone, her performance is charismatic and engaging. Jack White occasionally sings as well, although he is almost unrecognisable as he sings in a much deeper voice than his White Stripes or Raconteurs recordings. The album starts with 60 Feet Tall, a slow bluesy jam that really showcases Alison’s vocal abilities. Hang You From the Heavens

is a fun track, but the album really starts to get interesting with the track I Cut Like A Buffalo. I never thought I’d hear Jack White do reggae, but he does it well… very well! This genre-bending song was definitely the most memorable on the album, mainly because it is just so unexpected. The album returns to a bluesy dark Americana feel with So Far From Your Weapon, a great moody precursor to the second single Treat You Like Your Mother. If you haven’t seen the music video for this song, jump onto Youtube right now and check it out, one of the best videos I’ve seen in a while. Simple, brilliantly shot, and suits the song perfectly. The cover of Bob Dylan’s New Pony is brilliantly interpreted and fits well alongside the other songs on the album. Another highlight is the instrumental jam 3 Birds, which really showcases the talents of multi-instrumentalist Dean Fertita. It is uncertain if the band will collaborate again after touring, but we can only hope that they do at some stage if they are able to come up

with songs like these after just a few weeks together. Highly recommended if you are after some badass bluesy rock ‘n’ roll. Jack White fans will not disappointed because, despite not longer being the centre of attention, his influence and presence can be felt throughout the entire album. Excellent job, would like to hear more… as long as they don’t ignore their day-jobs too much!

Rating: 4/5

GIG GUIDE

To have your own gig showcased in Nexus, simply email gigs@nexusmag.co.nz. Churr.

The Septembers Winter Tour! The Septembers (indie/rock) from Auckland, w support: Milk Train/The Dusk. Sat 15 August 2009 Cost: $5 Time: 9pm Where: Flow The Darling Buds of May The Darling Buds of May by HE Bates. Pop Larkin, who makes a fortune from scrap-iron deals but has never paid income tax, lives in rural idyllic bliss with generous-hearted Ma and their six children. When a young, earnest tax official, Mr Charlton, turns up one hot May afternoon in 1957 to investigate he is bewitched. Fortnightly | Sat 01 Aug 2009 - Sat 15 Aug Cost: Various Time: 8pm

Delineate 7-31 August

Where: Riverlea Theatre, Riverlea Road Further details: Lorna Ashton 856 5450 enquiries@riverlea.org.nz riverlea.org.nz Hamilton Film Society Screening “Varda Shorts: Paris” (Director: Agnes Varda, France, 1958-2003). A collection of shorts made by the ‘godmother of the New Wave’, celebrating Varda’s passion for the streets and boulevards of the Left Bank. Mon 10 Aug 2009 Cost: Full memberships $100 / $90 students/ unwaged and three film passes ($30) available Time: 8pm Where: Victoria Cinema, 690 Victoria Street, Hamilton Viva Exhibition (Spark 09) ‘Viva’ brings together contemporary art by post-graduate students from the School of

Momento Lakes:

Media Arts, and has been curated especially for Spark. It also features CD presentations of Hamilton Civic Choir and Opus Orchestra. Artists are Zena Elliot, Gary Venn, Ani Fourie, Glen Leslie & Jared Benwell (from the Underwater Collective) Tony Nicholls Wed 05 Aug 2009 - Sat 15 Aug 2009 Cost: FREE Time: Daily 9am - 4pm Where: La Mezz Gallery, 1 Greenwood St, Hamilton Delineate Contemporary works by Carole Shepheard, Heather Bramwell and Lorraine Pemberton Fri 07 Aug 2009 - Mon 31 Aug 2009 Cost: FREE Time: Open daily 10am - 4.30pm Where: ArtsPost Galleries, 120 Victoria Street, hamilton

Open late wed, thurs, fri for Dinner and Drinks Present this ad to get a free beer with any meal purchased* *Corona beer and meal to be purchased after 4pm. Valid till 24th August

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