issue 18

Internet Dating · Polyamory · A whole lotta lovin’ inside...

Section Title

s from? your clothe did you get u wear? yo gs in 1. Where th u wear the yo do . ds hy or W 2. in 3 w closet? e your style thing in your 3. Describ t expensive os m e th 4. What’s

Arianne/18/BA 1. Pants from Glassons, shirt from Remains To Be Scene, jacket from my sister, sunglasses from Bright Star, belt from Supre (dammit) 2. Whatever I want to wear in the morning I chuck on and hope it works!

3. Funky, different, layered.

4. Probably my basketball shoes, $180.

Jimmy/19/BMS 1. Shorts from my brother, jandals – Trademe classic, shirt from friend.

2. I just wear the first thing I find on my floor.

3. Sexy, next-best-thing, ROGUE. 4. Cowboy boots, $215.

Dawn/23/Secret agent 1. Top bought by boyfriend from op-shop, thermals from Farmers, pants I chose the material and my mum made them.

Socks are…running socks…from running shop. Mask by Matt.

2. Cos they’re clean? (…some people at Nexus might think otherwise) 3. Neo-zebra chic.

4. Running shoes, $210.

James/21/BSocSci 1. Op-shop, Stirling Sports, Warehouse 2. Function and practicality 3. *after a long pause*…James James James!

4. Shoes, $220.

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

Jacqui/22/BSocSci 1. Top from the Rota shop on Vic St, pants from Farmers, necklaces from naturesmagic.com and Candles ‘n’ Things from Huntly – it’s owned by a Wiccan.

2. I wear a lot of black because I feel it’s very me. I also do fire-dancing and hang out with other people who do fire-dancing and it’s practical to wear black ‘cos you can’t see the soot. The necklaces are symbols of my Pagan faith.

3. Practical, personal, comfortable.

4. Metal shirts, $40-$70.

By Mo

E M A G R O T C E N N DOT CO To play this game you need at least 2 players and a pen (or two). Each player takes a turn to connect two dots in a vertical or horizontal line (no diagonals!). One line has already been made for you.

When a player has successfully squared off an area they mark their initial inside the square and then are able to draw another line.

When all lines have been drawn and squares all initialed, the winner is the person with the most squares.

For an mid-semester break celebration, the winner who brings in their completed game that they won will get themselves a free pass to Rialto Cinemas!

This is a bonafide awesome way to spend a lecture. It helped the graphics editor survive 7th Form!

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

I Got 5

Questions!

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

How was the last date you went on?

Does NZ have a dating culture?

Would you use the internet to find a partner?

What are your thoughts on polyamory?

If you had to date a member of the WSU, who would it be?

By Rocky

Jared

1. It was good, it was fun. A little bit scary. We went to a café in Mt Maunganui.

2. No. It’s more of a party/pickup scene. Probably due to NZ guys being quite shy. A girl from Germany told me NZ guys seem to be either drunk or shy.

3. No. 4. It’s all right, as long as everyone knows.

5. The President.

Rachel

1. I don’t really go on dates. My boyfriend is a lazy arse.

2. Not really, no.

3. Nah, I’m not as stupid as Natasha (Natasha: It was a one-off!)

4. I think it’s fucked up.

5. The Vice-President.

Keith

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

4

(Keith thinks hard for a long time, so we move on.)

No. It has a drinking culture.

No. It’d make things interesting.

Ah, I have a girlfriend.

Natasha

1. It was 2 weeks ago, it was good. I saw Superman.

2. Not really, more of a hookup culture.

3. To tell you the truth, I met my boyfriend on the net.

But it was one-off!

4. Nah bro, I wouldn’t want my boyfriend going around.

5. The Campaigns Officers.

Mo

1. Perfect! (after some thought) 2. Emphatically no. That’s why I had to think about what constituted a date.

3. I wouldn’t sign up for a dating site, but if I happened to meet someone online and it turned into something more..

4. Practically, emotionally and dare I say it, morally, it’s not right.

5. Do the Nexus staff count? (No. They’re not the WSU). How about Kirsty? I like her daughter. (No).

Ok, Sehai. Cos she’s the man and I dig her car (the unscratched side).

Parties

Party Review!

By Skot and JR

There are only a few of us that hold this prestigious honour. The majority that attempt this normally end up in a cell, using up our diversions for drunk and disorderly in town. What am I talking about exactly? The three 20s of course! 20 drinks, 20 different pubs on your 20th birthday!

JR and myself were asked to attend this gathering at 3pm at the local pub in Hillcrest called the Boston. I was thinking to myself that’s it’s bad enough trying to last 3 hours in the pub on a Saturday night so how am I going to last 12 hours? However it turned out we didn’t have to anyway.

The second stop of the afternoon was Hillcrest New World where we all brought a single beer to skull back in the car park. There’s nothing quite like the looks elderly people give out, to a group of students standing round in the middle of the day drinking in a public place!

Once we finally arrived in town around 5.30pm we started at the southern end of town and worked our way up. Due to limited space of my article I’ll only cover the top three in town. #3 Mooses. I really didn’t think this place would have made my top ten, but the jackpot went off when we were in there and the winner was handing out drinks all over the place. #2 Tokyo in Hamilton. All I can say about this is that I’m glad we went there early in the night. There’s just something wrong with a group of guys singing Geri Halliwell’s classic ‘It’s raining men’. #1 Pie Lab. $6 Yager Bombs! Enough said.

The night ended yet again in a blur. We got home relatively early. However, no-one got arrested and the birthday boy succeeded in his attempt.

Top three quotes

Seriously, the spa pool saved me. I think it must be fire retarded or something?

Do you think you think you’re going to make it tonight?

Yeah man, it’s going to be a peach of cake!

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ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

Did you do all right on that test last week? Yeah of course! I passed with flying carpets!

Txt me anytime during the “teaching recess” (after 7am) 0274 279319 and JR and myself will review your party.

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CONTENTS

Features Internet Dating Polyamory – WTF? Spark Week 2006 Hamilton International Film Festival International concert

17 21 25 44 32

News 8-13

Students win Maori business comp Lukewarm Reaction To PTE Reprieve The Magic Of Maungatautari Idol Promises Misfire White Lady Pie cart comes to Htown Too Many Women At University Auckland and Otago Dominate PBRF Short Shorts Nexus Haiku News

Regulars 02 04 05 07 14 15 26 24 24

33 33 34 34 35

Fashion On Campus I’ve got 5 on it Party Review Editorial Lettuce Jerk Jokes WSU columns Gig Guide Gig Spotlight: Chuganaut and 4 Corners Chuck and Benjo’s Guide To Society Killing Time Rage In A Cage Split Decision Engine Talk

35 36 36 37 37 38 39 40 41 41 42 43 44 45 46 46 47

Word Freak What is Goth?

Magic 8 Ball Boganology 101 Classic Rock Review Uncle Jim’s Kiddies Page Comics Food Books Magic 8 Ball Citric DVDs Books Films Muscle Man Opal Nera competition Busted

Credits

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

This week’s cover done by Ben. If you would like to do a cover for this year, email graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz with your intent and there may be a spot for you!

Editor Dawn Tuffery nexus@waikato.ac.nz

News Editor Joshua Drummond news@nexus-npl.co.nz

Designer Matt Scheurich graphics@nexus.npl.co.nz

Music Editor M. Emery htownslut@gmail.com

Contributors this issue Hazazel, Mo, The Wez, Kym Beggs, Ross MacLeod, Mazzy, El Groado, Nick Elliot, Boulanger, Skot, Matt, Brie Jessen, Burton C. Bogan, CJ, Nick Chester, M. Emery, Gary Oliver, Uncle Jim, Kazuma Namioka, Joe Citizen, Heather Diprose, Jeff Rule, Leigh McGeady, Josh Drummond, ASPA, WSU

Assistant Designer Ben

Books Editor Michelle Coursey

Nexus: WTM cute like-minded student magazine who likes pina coladas and late nights on Thursdays.

Advertising Manager Tony Arkell admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz 021 176 6180

Proofreaders Gemma Burrows M. Emery

The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus Publications 2003 Ltd, any of our advertisers, WSU or APN Media.

Main Features Joshua Drummond and Hazel Whitley

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Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

The Puzzle Bobble Dating Game Dating is a bit of a mystery to me, as I’ve never really indulged in it per se. I like to think this is more to do with New Zealand’s lack of dating culture than my inherent loser status, but it could be both, particularly given that my ‘it’s not the winning, it’s the taking part’ attitude to sport is the ‘loser’s mantra’ according to last night’s 3 News. Fair enough. Hell, I’ve almost had fewer boyfriends than Josh has.

It’s telling that I can clearly remember the one time I did go on a ‘date’. We went to Victoria Cinema for iced chocolate and a film premiere, and wound up at Nandos eating chicken burgers.

It was most enjoyable. But dates are a nice idea in theory and fairly rare in practise, as New Zealanders seem to lean towards the more postclubbing 3am scramble approach to hooking up than the more structured American way, currently being seen in champagne television shows like ‘Wanna Come In?’ and ‘Taildaters’. Is this because we’re just not up to it?

See, going on a date with a stranger is a bit like playing Puzzle Bobble (cue laboured arcade game analogy relating to the Nexus staff’s latest procrastination tool). You’re a bit nervous, but firing off your little coloured round conversational

Designer’s Word

Have you ever noticed how many people say “like” in their everyday speech? I’m one of those people that say it a lot but I don’t think I say it so many times that you’ll want to rip my head off and throw a grenade down my bleeding neck-stump. Some other people have their own other nervous habits in speech such as a previous tutor of mine used to say “Umm” a lot. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, it’s just

you do. Despite this, I believe that internet dating Ok, bad example. Dating takes a bit more courage than playing Puzzle Bobble, which really only takes accurate wrist movement and a lingering inclination that work is boring. Is this why New Zealand doesn’t ‘do’ dating – because we don’t have the courage, the conversational chops or the presence to woo without being blind drunk?

An interviewee for this issue suggested that kiwi males are too shy to date. They don’t seem very shy when they’re hollering ‘Wanna fuck?’ out the window, but I guess there’s safety in numbers and distance. It also means they’re not going to have to ever actually talk to a girl.

A bonus about the rise of internet dating is that it may encourage people to go on nice civilised dates. It also raises a host of other issues. Finding and connecting with people in the 21st century is an intriguing business. At one level, you have more choice than ever before. The internet has revolutionised the speed at which you can meet great numbers of people. It hasn’t done much for the time it takes to get to know and trust someone, but can give a false impression that

noticeable. I’ve also been a fan of observing other random nervous habits such as rubbing the side of a nose, changing posture every 5 seconds, rubbing hands, etc. I’ve noticed myself when saying something where I’m unsure of the facts or maybe unsure of how the person will interpret what I say, I will rub the tip of my nose with my right hand’s index and middle finger.

Most peculiar.

It’s with this kind of body language that we can really read and understand all kinds of people. If you take a moment to observe people

is only going to get bigger. The fact that you can find immediately find someone who fits very specific criteria is pretty nifty.

You want to have one-off recreational sex in the automatic toilets at Hamilton Gardens this Friday?

Hey, that guy sexxy n00b101 does too. Ah, you’re made for each other. You’re a lonely 72 year old keen on fast cars and skydiving? There’s a reckless student with a penchant for grandmas.

Perfect.

The worst aspect of internet dating? The way it highlights the terrible writing skills of… almost everybody. You’re putting yourself out there to the world hoping to meet your future soulmate and you can’t be bothered with apostrophes or a quick proofread? You’re so not going to impress any pedantic magazine editors or grammar geeks who can kick anyone’s butt at Puzzle Bobble.

What do you mean, you don’t want to? Oh. Right.

in their everyday lives, be they converse with you or others, you might pick up on their body language habits. One thing I personally dislike is talking to people when they have their arms folded. I find it very hostile and depending on their mood, very frustrating. I find I very rarely cross my arms and if I am crossing my arms, it’s only very briefly (‘coz then I feel uncomfortable) or it’s for the extra warmth on those cold girlfriend-less nights (I had to link in the whole dating thing, y’know). BOO HOO!

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

By that scoundrel bastard Matt

sallies hopefully. If you’re lucky you and your partner will have some interests in common so your yellow ball lands near her yellow balls and everything is grand. But if things aren’t going right and none of the balls match, it could just descend into desperate flailing in all directions – ‘So, you like Star Trek? Football? Cheesecake?’ – and quickly turn terribly terribly wrong. You lose!

There, space is now filled. The end.

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NEXUS NEWS MONDAY, 14 AUGUST 2006

“KEEPING YOU UP-TO-DATE WITH WHAT HAPPENED LAST WEEK” COMPILED BY JOSH DRUMMOND

Hillcrest Students win Maori student business competition Five rugby-playing bros from Hamilton’s Hillcrest High School took out the $2,500 top prize at a showbiz-style final of a Maori student business competition on the 3rd of August.

Minister of Maori Affairs, Parekura Horomia, was also present at the final judging. “Enterprise and business create freedom for you and your whānau,” he told the contestants and supporters.

“This [competition] is something to celebrate, this

The team, who all play for the school’s first fifteen, presented the winning business profile of Māori business Tohu Wines to an audience of more than 800 at Hamilton’s Founders Theatre.

They began their presentation with a haka which segued into UB40’s 1980s hit “Red, Red Wine”.

They went on to link Tohu Wines’ success to the company’s emphasis on tangata (getting the right people), whenua (having access to ancestral lands for their vineyards), whānau (good relationships) and tikanga (good strategy).

The Hillcrest team was one of six teams of Māori secondary school students from the Waikato region competing in the Rangatahi Business Case Competition, organised by Waikato Management School, in partnership with the Ministry of Youth Development, Te Puni Kokiri and Hamilton City Council. WSU President Sehai Orgad was also involved.

is about us getting into business.”

The twenty-six Year 12 and 13 students visited six Wellington-based Maori businesses and had to submit a business analysis of their chosen business. They then presented their findings and took questions from the judges at the final public judging, in front of a vocal audience of supporters interspersed with MC’d entertainment from top bands and local dance groups.

Duke Boon, the competition’s organiser and Maori consultant at Waikato Management School, said all the student teams had stepped up to the challenge of business analysis. “Starting from students who had never set foot in a university lecture theatre, they have developed into confident young adults – our business leaders of tomorrow,” he said.

The Hillcrest team’s mentor, Aubrey Te Kanawa, said the boys had put in a lot of hard work to get from secondary school to university standard for the competition. His secret weapon was food: “The way to a boy’s heart is through his stomach,” he said. “They showed up for regular weekly practices because they knew they’d get a feed.”

- Waikato Management School release.

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

The judges, who included Minister of Youth Affairs Nanaia Mahuta and Hamilton Mayor Michael Redman, said the team turned in an excellent report, and their presentation was slick and professional, backed up with good analysis.

The competition is the first of its kind in New Zealand, and was aimed at encouraging Māori secondary school students to go on to higher education, with a particular focus on equipping students with business and entrepreneurial skills.

Visiting ‘The Magic Of Maungatautari’ exhibition, a collection of extroadinary photographs by wildlife photographer Phil Brown.

The exhibition runs until August 27th, 10am – 4pm at the Calder and Lawson gallery in the Academy of Performing Arts.

News

Lukewarm Reaction To PTE Reprieve

By Dawn Tuffery

PrivateTraining Establishments (PTEs) left in the cold by a Budget policy change have been given a second chance of sorts, but not all of them are pleased about it.

The 2006 Budget changed loan/allowance eligibility rules for PTEs. From January 2007, students studying for a tertiary qualification which is not government subsidised by Student Component funding (SCF) will not qualify for a student loan or allowance, meaning many PTEs may have to close.

One immediate objection from affected PTEs was that the SCF assessment round for the year had already closed, giving them no chance to even apply for the funding. However, last week the Tertiary Education Commission (TEC) declared that an extra SCF assessment process would be held this year to accommodate those affected.

The announcement has met with mixed responses from the PTE sector. According to spokesperson for the PTE Budget Policy Awareness Group Brijesh Sethi, the move is an acknowledgement that there was a problem with the original policy, and this is an effort to fix that. However, he is waiting to find out more details. ‘Ideally, we would have liked a better transition period. I can’t comment whether it’s enough or not because we don’t know as yet what the [assessment] criteria are.’

The TEC did not acknowledge the re-opening of the funding assessment as a backtrack. Carolyn Murphy, Acting Liaison and Development Group Manager at the Tertiary Education Commission, said the decision is merely ‘a result of TEC’s analysis of the options for implementing the policy to ensure that provision of high quality and [relevant education] is not lost.’

This sentiment was echoed by Independent Tertiary Institutions executive director Dave Guerin, who said last week that the decision was ‘unfortunate’ and that the lack of consultation ‘creates real questions about the validity of TEC’s decision.’ He is also

that it’s preferable to no action at all. ‘Hopefully it’s a positive step, rather than not doing anything’ says Sethi.

There is also frustration among some PTEs about the initial move to cut off loan/allowance eligibility and the abrupt timeframe of the policy. “We believe the policy change needs to be reversed. The reopening of the Student Component Funding pool is not enough,” says Corinna Watts, Administration Manager & Student Liaison, Waikato Centre for Herbal Medicine.

Watts says that a better idea would be reversing the recent policy change. ‘We can see no justifiable grounds for why quality assured private training establishments should not continue to have eligibility for student loans and allowances, and no justifiable grounds for why approved establishments should be forced to gain Student Component Funding if they seek student loan and allowance eligibility.’

‘Some PTEs will welcome the move and this is no criticism, but we have chosen in the past not to apply for SCF because we feel it compromises our ability

‘The government has said they want to ensure quality for students when using their loans, but to

to operate independently of government influence.

We didn’t want SCF before, and we don’t want it now.

While we are still happy to fulfil the necessary criteria for quality assurance through NZQA and TEC, we want the freedom to continue delivering education that is tailored to our student’s needs and we don’t believe we can do this under SCF.’

date there is no evidence of performance issues or student dissatisfaction with PTEs who are now being cut out of the loans and allowance loop. They have admitted that they want to see student loans ‘better spent’, which means ‘spent where they want it spent’. They are giving to students with one hand but taking with the other.’

Generally providers have commented that receiving SCF shouldn’t necessarily be linked to loan/ allowance eligibility. ‘You can have good quality courses out there – we do heaps of IT courses, and we believe we’re excellent in quality, but we did not go for [SCF] funding,’ says Sethi. ‘That does not mean we are not relevant.’

The Bluffer’s Guide To Educational Acronyms (BGEA)

TEC’s Caroline Murphy rejects claims that SCF is an arbitrary measure of relevance or that it limits freedom of choice for students. ‘An assessment of the relevance of a qualification is made against a transparent set of criteria. Rather than limiting student choice, an Assessment of Strategic Relevance [ASR] can assure a student that the qualification they enrol in will be of high quality and is likely to lead to good outcomes following their completion.’

The concept of relevance in itself is highly questionable, says Watts. ‘What is deemed relevant by the government is not necessarily going to reflect the goals, aspirations and desires of the many different types of people who collectively make up the fabric of New Zealand communities. Does one governing body have the right to decide what is worthwhile and relevant for a large diversity of people?’

Although the TEC’s recent announcement leaves issues unanswered, the consensus seems to be

Private Training Establishments (PTEs) are non-state-funded education providers, separate from universities and polytechs, and often provide training in specific areas of education or training.

Student Component Funding (SCF) is a government subsidy paid per student to approved institutions that meet particular criteria. The quality of a course is decided separately, by NZQA. The Assessment of Strategic Relevance (ASR) process involves establishing an institution’s ‘strategic relevance’ to the Government’s national goals for the programmes on a programme by programme basis and applies to institutions receiving Student Component Funding.

The Tertiary Education Commission (TEC) is a crown entity responsible for funding the Government’s contribution to tertiary education and training offered by different providers.

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

Despite the TEC press release mentioning that they have been in contact with providers to consider the options, Sethi believes that there has not been adequate consultation. ‘As far as I’m aware none of the people in the group have been contacted by the TEC to get their feedback or consult with them regarding what they would ideally like.’

concerned that the new funding round is only open to the 43 affected PTEs, believing that this will lower the average quality of bids.

News

Idol Promises The White Lady Pie cart comes Misfire to Hamilton

By Josh Drummond

University Idol winner Maria Mo is still waiting to receive most of the prizes she won several months ago.

As Auckland students grieve the loss of their favorite late night takeaway cart, Waikato students are given the opportunity to enjoy it - in an opera!

The University Idol competition took place in May, and was run along similar lines to the popular NZ Idol talent quest. It was eventually won by Mo, who was promised $500, a trophy, an Xbox 360, accommodation at the Novotel Tainui hotel, a 3G cellphone from Vodafone, and studio time

The University of Waikato Music and Theatre Studies departments are bringing to life the story of The White Lady, one of Auckland’s legendary takeaway joints, in an opera that promises to be highly entertaining and distinctly kiwi in flavour.

for recording a song. So far, the only things that have materialised are $100 in prize money and a trophy.

Mo says she’s surprised and disappointed about not receiving her prizes.

“On the night [I won] I wasn’t told how I could get the prizes, but I didn’t think much of it because I thought they’d contact me. It was a bit later that I started wondering after getting nothing.”

Mo contacted one of the organisers, Beryl Tamati, asking when she’d receive her prizes.

“She emailed me on June second, saying that she had gotten my $100 prize and a trophy, and that Anaru [another of the organisers] would look after the rest.”

She overlooked the apparent reduction of the prize money from $500 to $100, hoping to make it up with the other prizes. But they never materialised. Mo contacted Beryl again, asking where the missing prizes were, and was again told that Anaru would sort it out. Her last contact was on July 4, and she has not heard from him since.

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

“I’ve tried to contact them frequently, so have WSU president Sehai, and Beryl. They can’t get hold of him – it’s like he’s dropped off the face of the earth,” she said.

“I dunno what’s going on, but I really want this sorted out. It’s just a hassle and it’s not fair just to expect me to forget about it and move on. And I’d like my prizes, thanks bros.”

Waikato Students Union President, Sehai Orgad, said that she was also disappointed at the way the competition had ended up.

“I think that it’s a shame that such a good idea and a successful event has ended up in such an awkward way. I will continue to try to get hold of Anaru to find out what is going on,” she said.

None of the University Idol organisers could be contacted by Nexus prior to deadline.

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Composer, David Griffiths, senior lecturer in the University of Waikato Music Department, and a self-confessed “Friday fish and chip customer”, admits that he has often been intrigued by the idea of basing an opera around a takeaway joint. “I have always been fascinated by the comings and goings of the regulars and their varied and often colorful backgrounds.”

The White Lady is set around the pie cart and the brothel next door and entertainment comes in the form of two university students falling in love, a local pimp, massage parlor workers, hip hop dancers and regular customers adding some local street colour. It is not known whether local band MSU and their hit ‘Stu’s Pie Cart’ are involved The talented cast of The White Lady are drawn from the Music and Theatre Studies Departments and include special Julia Hill as Mahina, Beverly Pullon as Betty, Marion Taylor as Svetlana, Angela Bjerga as Charlotte and Ian Campbell as Vasa.

The White Lady is the third original opera in three years from the University of Waikato, giving the university a great reputation in the opera scene as the only New Zealand university producing and performing original operas each year.

The White Lady will open at the Academy of Performing Arts on Wednesday 6th September, and run through until Friday the 8th with a matinee performance on Friday at 1pm. Tickets are available from the Academy or online at Ticket Direct.

News

Auckland and Otago Dominate PBRF allocation

by Chris Leggett

The University of Auckland will receive $37.7m and the University of Otago $26.6m from the $126m forecast to be allocated from the fund in 2006.

The PBRF system was implemented in 2003 to “to ensure that excellent research in the tertiary education sector is encouraged and

In light of this, it’s not surprising that New Zealand’s largest two universities would receive the lion’s share of the PBRF, says TEC funds specialist Brenden Mischewski. “In a sense, that’s to be expected. I guess it’s no surprise that this kind of excellence would be found at universities, particularly ones like Auckland and Otago, but not restricted to those institutions.”

“We have 172 panelists preparing evidence portfolios [and] some useful proxies for excellence will be the decisions that students make and the decisions funding agencies make in funding the best place to get their research done.”

Although on face value it seems that institutions with higher numbers are still the major overall beneficiaries, Mischewski says that the PBRF recognizes and rewards excellence

of excellence.”

Mischewski refers to the example of Lincoln University, which benefits the most proportionately from the PBRF with an 86 per cent funding increase. The TEC forecasts that Lincoln would receive $3m in 2006 under the “top-up” funding model, as opposed to $5.7m under PBRF. All universities are set to enjoy more funding in 2006 through PBRF, with the exception of AUT. “It’s a new university, so in terms of developing a research culture I couldn’t comment but I imagine it’s possibly not there to the same extent.

[Also] AUT doesn’t have a big postgraduate student population or a high level of completion.”

The system is also beneficial to the tertiary sector as a whole says Mischewski, referring to

rewarded”. Rather than the previous Equivalent Full-Time Student (EFTS) “top-up” research fund where funding was allocated based on student numbers, the PBRF is instead based on the quality of researchers, research degree completions and external research income.

more specifically than this suggests.

“What the PBRF’s designed to do is to recognize [research] excellence wherever it may be found. It makes no difference if you’re doing research in creative or performing arts or engineering. The system also recognizes niches

additional Government funding that wouldn’t have been allocated if not for the PBRF model.

“The Government has made significant additional [investment] to the PBRF and next year that’s going to be to the order of $70m.”

The Universities of Auckland and Otago will collectively receive over half of the total Performance-Based Research Fund (PBRF) this year, according to the 2005 PBRF Annual Report released by theTertiary Education Commission (TEC).

Study:Too Many Women At University

By Nicola Kean

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

An upcoming paper by Victoria University academics has revealed the extent of the gender gap in University enrollments, and the long term implications.

In 2004, over thirty percent more women than men enrolled at New Zealand Universities, up from thirteen percent in 2000, according to a study completed by Paul Callister, James Newell, Martin Perry and David Scott from the Institute of Policy Studies.

The gap also extends to students who go on to obtain degrees.

Only Lincoln and Canterbury Universities have more men than women enrolled and the Auckland University of Technology has the highest proportion of females, at sixty percent in 2004.

The trend is being blamed on women “rac[ing] ahead” rather than men failing.

The study says the changes have “significant” implications for society

which are currently not being taken into account by policy makers. While the paper says higher numbers of women in tertiary education has been a “positive trend”, it argues that there could be negative implications if a group of men are left behind.

Women may also find themselves having to “marry down” educationally.

Stuart Birks, a lecturer in economics at Massey University with an interest in men’s rights, says the report is a “clear signal of a problem”, and argues that previously there has not been a “balanced policy” towards the gender imbalance when males are in the minority.

“Now is a time to address those problems”, he says.

In contrast, NZUSA’s National Women’s Rights officer Jenn Jones says that increasing numbers of women in tertiary education “doesn’t mean equal outcomes in the workforce”. The study has just given “people another reason to hire men over women”, she says.

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News

Esteemed Cleric to Visit Hamilton Hamilton ‘s public will have the opportunity to hear a unique personal perspective on the September 11 terrorist attacks from American Muslim scholar Sheikh Yusuf Estes during a nationwide goodwill lecture tour of New Zealand next month.

Sheikh Estes is a world-renowned expert and speaker on the religion of Islam. He travels throughout the world from his home in Washington DC at the invitation of both Muslim and non-Muslim communities to share his thoughts and expertise. His New Zealand tour is organised by Voice of Islam, a local charitable trust that promotes an understanding of the Islamic faith to all New Zealanders.

This will be the Sheikh’s first visit to New Zealand and provides a rare opportunity for the public to hear a scholar noted for his knowledge, balance and humour. From his trademark Texan drawl to tales of his colourful past, Sheikh Estes presents an informative and entertaining perspective on many issues regarding the religion of Islam and its followers in the Western world.

Short story writers ready to impress And by “impress” we mean “win by writing about someone who’s either an immigrant or gay.”

New Zealand’s pre-eminent short story writer, Owen Marshall, is issuing a challenge to previously published and aspiring writers to step up and enter the Sunday Star-Times Short Story competition.

“The competition provides the opportunity for writers to gain a measure of their ability,” says Owen Marshall, one of the chief judges in this year’s competition. “All writers start on a level playing field, and as we have seen in previous years the standard of the top stories is very high indeed. There is no template for a winning story. What they should have in common is emotional power and language skill.”

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

The Sunday Star-Times Short Story Competition, run with support from Random House New Zealand, launches this weekend with a call for entries from budding and experienced writers alike.

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Writers have until September 15 to enter their stories, which must be no longer than 3000 words.

Aussie student newspapers in danger of extinction No comment on dingo, babies.

The tradition of the student newspaper in Australia is reported to be under threat from voluntary student unionism and the internet, as universities across the country cut funding, slash production and reduce

staff.

A student campaign, culminating in protest action this week, has saved the La Trobe University paper Rabelais from the scrapheap after the institution agreed to new funding for the paper, which has been in circulation since 1968.

Other student newspapers, however, have not been so lucky. Harambee at Edith Cowan University has gone, while Southern Cross University’s Pulp has been dumped as a result of voluntary student unionism.

Sydney University has cut the print run of its weekly Honi Soit, while Vertigo at the University of Technology, Sydney, is expected to reduce circulation or editorial wages.

Other publications, such as Melbourne University’s Farrago, remain tied to specific funding from the institution, raising concerns over tension between the independence of student editors and the temptation for universities’ to exert influence over content.

Wendy Bacon, an academic, journalist and former Tharunka editor at the University of New South Wales, shares the concern over independence but sees the shift to the internet as a potential positive for student activism. “Perhaps the whole thing could become more interactive and democratic and more difficult to censor,” she said.

The Australian

News

The Nexus Haiku News Josh’s news goes  and doesn’t come back News Editor Josh Officially idiot Wingdings screwed haikus

Don’t ever save anything in Wingdings I wrote new haikus Fast, ‘cause I saved them in Wingdings.

And it ate them.

UK police foil terrorist plot to bomb aircraft UK cops stop bad guys From blowing up planes Can’t think of a punchline.

Girl’s recovery key to a nun’s canonisation Little girl gets healed of burns By a guardian angel!

Science spurned.

Half million flee as ‘super’ typhoon approaches China Half a million Chinese flee A big wind warning Cheers, global warming.

Jobs growth sends unemployment down More jobs, less time More frustration, more crime.

Check it out, this haiku rhymes.

Matt rules at Puzzle Bobble Big group of bubbles Shoot, then pop! They all fall down Josh is now in tears

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

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Send your letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz before 5pm Tuesday and the best one wins a $5 voucher for Campus Kiosk – conveniently located in the Cowshed courtyard for all your snacking needs!

Lettuce Policy

Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page – serious or otherwise. Letters should be no more than 250 words and received by 5pm on the Tuesday before publication. All letters will generally be printed so give it a bash, but the editor retains the right to abridge or refuse correspondence.

Bad spelling and grammar will not be corrected. Pseudonyms are acceptable but all letters must include your real name and contact details even if you don’t want them printed (and they won’t be printed!). We discourage the use of pseudonyms for serious letters.

Letter of the Week Deranged in a cage Regarding last weeks rage in a cage “Gunning for Glory”, I’d just like to ask the author where the basis of the article actually fits into reality? Just about anyone who keeps half an eye on current events knows about the shooting of a machete wielding individual in a gunshop by Greg Carvell, but I’m yet to see the hordes of “gun-nuts” that are apparently using this incident to claim more guns will make us safer. Who exactly is proposing that every shop attendant needs to have a gun under the counter, or that a large percentage of the population should be “packing”? Come to that, who is trying to make Greg Carvell into a national treasure or a saint, as you claim?

I own a couple of sporting rifles, so I suppose that makes me a gun nut to some extent. That doesn’t mean that I, or I’m sure the vast majority of licensed, legitimate nz gun owners, want the civilian population to carry guns for personal protection. Actually,

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

if you apply to the police for a firearm licence and give protection as your reason, you’ll be turned down. So we seem to agree on that point – you just seem more paranoid about the situation changing.

I realise that it’s your column to do what you like with, and you’re entitled to rave about any topic that you want to. But you might find you get some extra credibility if you stick a little closer to the facts – and don’t believe everything you see in documentaries.

Paul Paul has scored himself a free $5 voucher to use at Campus Kiosk.

Cartoon not funny

She’s Not Emo!!!

Dear Editor of Nexus

These past couple of weeks, everytime someone hears about my favourite music, I get stares of contempt. Just because I happen to like Panic! at the disco, AFI and My Chemical Romance and happen to be wearing a long black coat (my other coat was in the wash okay!) people immediately brand me as emo.

I’m all for gay humour, we all need to laugh at ourselves every now and then. However, the comic “The English Language” in Nexus issue 17 is not funny at all, just homophobic, boring and pathetic. I have been impressed to see the content of Nexus improve over the course of this year and am sad to see this decline. The students of Waikato University are (usually) not 12 year old boys and the magazine should reflect this. Please take more care in the future.

Regards Megan Moffet GLBT Officer – WSU

Artist’s response...

Megan, Some cartoons are not funny. There are no obligations upon cartoonists to have their work be ‘funny’. I’m sure you’re aware that a lot of the cartoons featured in Nexus are not that funny.

Regardless of that I have had an overwhelmingly humourous response to “The English Language”.

“The English Language” wasn’t meant as gay humour - it was a commentary on how phrases in the English language can take on completely different meanings when used in different vernaculars. Cartoon characters in Nexus and the wider world of comics are frequently killed, and I don’t believe that identifying a character’s sexuality as gay in this cartoon and killing him warrants its labelling of homophobic. As I mentioned it was simply illustrating a phrase in a different context. I imagine the humour of “The English Language” would go right over the head of the average 12 year old and obviously it can’t have been too boring if you felt inspired to write a letter about it. However, I’m sorry that you found it offensive as none was directly intended.

the head.... oooo, sorry hope that wasn’t too EMO for you!!!)

To the emo kids out there, Cheer up! I’d be happy if I could fit into such tiny jeans.

So please, I’d like people to stop generalising and branding people solely on their music taste! It’s simply not fair...

Miss Not Emo p/s: i’d like to now advertise for www.hopeisemo. com go there and your life will never be the same again...

yours sincerely, Bill

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I did enjoy nexus’ guide to society article about emos, but when it so painfully said that people are defined by their music taste and thus people who listen to the type of music I like are emo, that was taking it too far!!!

I’m not emo! Just because I enjoy abit of My Chem and AFI, I’m not emo!!!

Just like listening to HIM will not make me goth.

Or for instance, this guy I know who has the song: “It’s raining men” on his computer is not gay!okay, bad example... but...

The point is, people can’t be so simply defined by their music taste! Especially when it’s a new trend to walk around pointing at everyone with black chucks or drain pipes on and shouting out “EMO!!! EMO!!!”

To everybody, Stop trying to stick everyone into categories just because of their taste in music... or if they happen to have black chucks on (seriously, the person who thought this needs to get a kick in

pp/s: no, going to the above website will not make you emo... *rolls eyes*

Help Hezbollah Harm In response to the ghandi supporter’s letter last

seriously lacking the coin. If we all give just a $1 a day(that’s less than those starv’n marv’n African

a big chunk of change from all you Ghandi Supporter’s out their and especially Steven Ishii

week, I completely agree. Never has so much truth been spoken in a nexus letter, I mean hell yeh those home made rockets are inaccurate as hell and are only good for killing civilians.

But don’t worry buddy im currently working on a solution, iv started the HHHF that’s right the Help Hezbollah Harm foundation, cuz I mean have you seen those bitchn American and British made tanks and personal carriers the Israelis ride around in! Hezbollah’z gunna need sum hard core munitions to take that shit out, but their

kids need to survive) we can hook Hezbollah up kinda like X-zibit does wit the help of West Coast Customs. I recon first off we get them sum bitch’nly accurate artillery just like Israel has, you know like the ones that took out that UN observation post the other week. Think about it people with your coin and my brains we could all be a little like West Coast Customs and pimp out Hezbollah’z shit.

Next week I’l put out my… I mean the HHHF account number for ya-all to contribute. Expect’n

you must be saving a bundle on gas driven that scooter around.

X-zibit wanna-bee

Nexus Love Cheers 4 the commix issue, good stuff..

G.

Send your jerk jokes to nexus@waikato.ac.nz and be in to win a Rialto pass and some mystery DVDs.

21 reasons why it’s best to be a bloke

A Scotsman phones a dentist to enquire about the cost for a tooth extraction.

1) Your last name stays put 2) Wedding plans take care of themselves 3) Chocolate is just another snack 4) You can never be pregnant 5) Your mechanic tells you the truth 6) You don’t have to stop and think which way to turn a nut or a bolt 7) You never have strap problems in public 8) Wedding dress: $5000. Suit hire: $100 9) People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them 10) One mood – all the time 11) You only have to shave your face and neck 12) Phone conversations take 30 seconds 13) You can open your own jars 14) You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness 15) If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend 16) Your belly usually hides your big hips 17) You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket-knife 18) You have freedom of choice about growing a moustache 19) You can wear shorts no matter what your legs look like 20) You can play with toys all your life 21) You can do Christmas shopping for 24 relatives on December 24th in 24 minutes

Riddles...

Contributed by Barbara Bushton-Smithton

What goes up and down the stairs without moving?

Check next week for the answer.

“£85 for an extraction, sir” the dentist replied. “£85!!! Huv ye no’got anythin’ cheaper?”

“That’s the normal charge,” said the dentist.

“Whit aboot if ye did nae use any anaesthetic?”

“That’s unusual, sir, but I could do it and knock £15 off.”

“Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without an anaesthetic?”

“I can’t guarantee their professionalism and it’ll be painful. But the price could drop to £40.”

“How aboot if ye make it a trainin’ session, ‘ave yer student do the extraction with the other students watchin’ and learnin’?”

“It’ll be good for the students”, mulled the dentist. “I’ll charge you £5. But it will be traumatic.”

“Och, now yer talkin’ laddie! It’s a deal,” said the Scotsman.”Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?”

Contributed by Gary Oliver

Nudist Trampolining

 www.nudisttrampolining.com

Fancy a bit of the bouncey-bounce with your kit off? This crazy game allows you to do that even while you’re at work!

Bounce on the tramp and then pull off super-special tricks such as “The Dump”, “YMCA” and more. If you bounce high enough then you might be fortunate to get to the bonus stage. Good luck beating the high scores that have already been registered on there.

Knock Knock!

Who’s there?

Juliet.

Juliet who?

Juliet me in?

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

FEATURED WEBSITE

Knock Knock!

Who’s there?

Buddha.

Buddha who?

Buddha this slice of bread for me.

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Internet Dating...

Who’s doing it? Is it only for desperate people? And what’s an NZD coffee? Josh Drummond investigates.

Around the time my barber told me I was going bald I realised it was time I got a girlfriend.

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

Being told your hair is deserting you is really another way of saying “you are getting old.” Soon enough, my life will have passed me by and I’ll be an old dead bald bastard hissing through clenched gums for my nano-milk.

wider internet can.

I’ve known about the murky deeps of love via the Net for as long as me and a conglomerate of idiot friends could type “A/S/L” into chatrooms while posing as fourteen year old girls, hoping to bait paedophiles. (This, horrifyingly, often worked.)

But I’d never viewed genuine Internet dating as a possible romantic outlet - except, maybe, as a last resort.

Then I started work in a bar. It will come as no surprise to most readers that many bar staff are, well, sexually proliferate. Skanks and man-whores.

I figure true love is one of those things that might be best experienced while young and hirsute, so after returning from the barber and scanning for hairline recession I figured I’d do what I usually do when stumped; hit Google.

But there were two that stood above the rest.

Always had a bit on the side, and a story of the latest conquest.

My search for true love returns 313,000,000 results in 0.20 seconds. The first page offers me religion (been there, done that), hentai (Japanese cartoon pornography, which I’m ashamed to even know about), a couple of dipshits called Nathan and Haley, Russian Mail Order Brides (see www. onetruelove.net), some other dipshit’s blog about something or other, and a politically-indeterminate “Family Federation for World Peace and Unification of the USA.”

One was a shortish smartarse by the name of Damien who, against all odds, was regularly sighted with a stream of attractive women, who (he claimed) were “always up for it.” I put the question to him one night after seeing him swapping saliva with a pretty brunette who was only slightly overweight.

Clearly, Google cannot help me. But perhaps the

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How, I wondered, did they do it?

Oh, internet dating, Damien replied without a trace of irony. I assumed he was having me on, and continued wondering.

Then there was Melissa, who wore a number of men on her arm. She was gorgeous, and I assumed she met them the traditional way, via the bar. But one night, after post-work drinks at her flat, she told me she’d met them online.

My God. Here were two non-deformed people who were getting laid, and regularly, with people they’d met over the internet. Possibilities erupted in my mind.

I decided to set up an account with the site they used, NZDating.com, immediately.

Then I procrastinated for nine months. During that time, an idea was conceived and born. What about writing a feature for Nexus, exploring the ways that people date today? And a few dates into the bargain could hardly hurt.

Give it a go?

I put the idea to my associate, Jim, who was reluctant. Despite not having had a girlfriend since the Challenger space shuttle exploded, he had only ever considered internet dating as a last resort. I talked him around.

“Okay,” he said, “but internet dating… it’s a bit... desperate, isn’t it?”

But is it desperate, I wondered? I knew quite a few people who use it, and they didn’t seem the desperate type. More “confident and self-assured.”

Internet Dating I decided to find out.

arrive at the main New Zealand dating sites. NZ Dating is the one that my associates from the bar

“Big Boi.”

Internet dating is a big industry. Birthed with the World Wide Web and stigmatised at first as the sole preserve of geeks and Trekkies, it grew rapidly around the turn of the millennium to become a billion-dollar industry world-wide. Americans apparently spent up to $469.5 million on Internet dating in 2004. Wired magazine declaimed that Internet dating would take over traditional methods of dating as early as 2002.

used, so I decided to sign up with them first.

In the interests of fairness and morbid curiosity, I check out some male profiles. I’m immediately much more concerned than I was with the female ones. The blokes seem, by and large, to be illiterate and fastidious about showing their genitals – that is, fastidious about showing them as much as possible.

“Twenty years from now, the idea that someone looking for love won’t look for it online will be silly, akin to skipping the card catalog to instead wander the stacks because the right books are found only by accident. We will be charmed, but helpless to point out that the approach isn’t very pragmatic. After all, how likely is it that the book of

Then comes the photo. I’m supposed to put a photo of myself on the internet. Christ. Babbling about my preferences in movies is one thing, but – my face? What if people don’t like it? Rejected by online daters? I’d never socialise again if that happened.

your dreams will just fall off the shelf and into your arms?” asked Rufus Griscom, the founder of online dating site nerve.com.

I opt to skip the profile section. “Great,” I think, “I’m now the on-line equivalent of that creepy guy in aviator sunglasses and a pulled-low hat who hangs

Uh-oh The interface is intimidating. I’m asked to “fill out a brief profile of myself (4000 letter limit.) I freeze.

How can I sum myself up in 4000 letters? Easily, probably, but not in a way that people will find different, witty or interesting. It’ll sound just like, well, everyone else.

To be fair, there were also plenty of people who seemed relatively normal. But their profiles seemed either boring, or way out of my league.

I decided to postpone specific dating sites for a bit, and moved on to explore a similar phenomenon; social networking sites.

The phenomenon of MySpace - and similar sites

Despite not having had a girlfriend since the Challenger space shuttle exploded, he had only ever considered internet dating as a last resort

- is colossal. MySpace, for the uninitiated, is a site where you can write about yourself, add photos, and personalise your own web page. It’s badly designed and most of the user-made backgrounds look like they might induce seizures if viewed in a dull room. The kicker is being able to add “friends” – essentially links to another person’s MySpace page. Eventually, everyone on the site links to everyone else. And with the number of users about to pass the 100 million mark, that’s a big network.

MySpace is now the second biggest website in the USA, ranked by traffic just behind Yahoo. It was acquired by Rupert “Media” Murdoch’s News International for $580 million last year, as part of a $1.3 billion voracious internet-media buying binge.

She’s fat out outside girls schools.”

Of course, films and pop culture have given more than lip service to online dating as well.

Online dating has been seen everywhere – from magazines to TV, to the news and to books, a recent entry being Sean Thomas’ Millions of Women are Waiting to Meet You. In fact, the subject is getting to be popular book fodder.

Diaries of an Internet Lover is one, titillating example. Then there’s the excellently named I’m Celibate Get Me Out of Here – The Memoirs of an Internet Dater. If all of these legitimate authors are getting into it, what do I have to lose?

entertaining hours examining and just being generally horrified by people’s profiles.

Time to get to work. The first step would be to search for internet dating sites. After another less-than-helpful Google search I whittled down the the log-jam of mail-order brides, pornography and mysterious requests for my credit card number, to

The mental image of myself as a cyber-stalker doesn’t deter me for long. I spend long,

There are profiles of young hot things who want casual sex. Profiles from double-divorcees looking for love, again. “im over liers, cheaters and assholes,” says one.

Okay. I take it you were into them at one stage, then?

Then there are the single mothers, some who (bizarrely) opt to put up a photo of their child instead of them. Who dates a woman because they like the look of her kid?

I thought those were the worst, until I came across the woman who put up swathes of photos of her beloved horse, which, from memory, was named

I set up a profile for myself and wait. Soon enough, there’s a bite! Someone has added themselves to my friends list! I have a new friend. Aha, and she’s female. And she’s left me a message! I check her profile. My God, she’s pretty! Flawless skin, large... um, mammary glands, hair, all the essentials of femininity. But the photographs are all taken from such a strange angle...

A regular Nexus contributor comes over to see what all the hullabaloo is about. I show him the pictures, excited.

“She’s fat,” he says brusquely.

No, I say with a sad smile, look at her! She’s hot!

The regular remains unimpressed. “See the angle those pics are taken on? Three-quarter profile with the head turned towards the camera? All taken by herself? She’s fat.”

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

Indeed, I thought. The use of a library metaphor just proves he’s a geek. And he founded a dating site!

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Internet Dating

Online dating sites in New Zealand These are some of the most popular sites, but there are many more, and they’re only a quick search away. nzdating.com – New Zealand’s largest and best-known dating site, NZD has a mix of people looking for everything you could imagine. Just like real life, only online. Free to sign up – gold membership brings additional perks, and costs $19.95 for three months, $34.95 for six months or $59.95 for a full year. But most features are scot-free, which is a major bonus. nzpersonals.com – Less well known than NZ Dating, NZ personals has a different interface and a different clientele. Seems to be more about finding sex than anything. Costs, too.

You have to sign up to find out how much their premium package costs, so I didn’t bother.

How does he know?

“Bad experience,” he says, and refuses to elaborate.

Unbowed, I press on with an online courtship of sorts. She says “LOL” a lot in her emails, but I guess it’s standard. I even say LOL back, a lot. I feel dirty, but this is online dating. False personas come standard - hell, they’re almost required.

We meet up several weeks later.

She’s fat. Not so big I could orbit her, but there is a certain – gravitational – attraction. But it’s not the body that’s the problem. She is vapid, talks all in txt-speak – she all but says “lol” out loud when cracking jokes – and she’s hideously obsessed with celebrity gossip. And the failure of previous relationships, about which she informs me in garish detail.

findsomeone.co.nz – For those seeking true love. And other stuff, of course. But mostly true love. Probably the best design of all the dedicated dating sites. Prices for membership start at $29 per month. Free to sign up and view profiles, but to “initiate contact,” you’ll need to pay.

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

myspace.com – You don’t have to pay for anything. But if you hook up with a 14 year old and drag her from the States to Uzbekistan, you’ll have to deal with Interpol, as some poor schmoe recently discovered.

Take note, Uncle Jim. The most popular social networking site.

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bebo.com – Kind of a (better designed) alternative to MySpace, bebo is popular with New Zealanders and other commonwealth countries. hi5.com – See above. Popular with Australians for some reason. spaces.live.com – The Microsoft alternative to MySpace and co. Super-restrictive, but interacts nicely with MSN messenger.

“Well, I liked one of them, but he never called me back after our date. And one of them liked me, and he sort of stalked me for a bit.” Sort of stalked her? Shit.

That’s not all, she says. There are plenty of older men adding themselves to her friends list, and there are the marriage proposals – a couple of men in Nigeria have professed their undying love.

I suspect they’re after her bank account. So why keep it up, I ask?

“It’s kind of fun. Addictive, actually. And I’m pretty sure I’ll eventually meet a nice guy doing it.”

I wish her well.

In fact, she says, the idea that it’s the exclusive haunt of geeks and the socially challenged has been “shot down years ago.”

adultfriendfinder.com – do we really need to explain this one? It’s for finding like minded adults to have sex with. This one bombards you with emails, and really wants your credit card number.

Social Networking Sites

“About, oh, 4 or 5,” she says, sipping her coffee.

“Some were people I knew already, some I’d met online and wanted to meet in real life.”

Remembering my first and worst experience, I ask what they were like. Were they normal?

I smile thinly and cringe my way through a fusillade of “Brangelinas” and speculation over Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ sham marriage and how her last boyfriend was a cheating cock but she’s sure

Post - “date,” I’m despondent. I still hadn’t given the dating-only sites a go – whether out of procrastination or sheer terror, I’m not sure. So I decided to use someone else as a guinea pig.

her next will be better (wink, toss hair, neck-fat wobble.) She pays for her own drink, thank God, and we part.

Enter my associate, Jim.

Stalkers - sort of

Jim has a chequered past with females, and by “chequered,” I mean “non-existent.” His distaste over being forced online to meet women was palatable, as I chided him into signing up for a dating site.

“I’d rather meet girls in pubs,” he grumbled.

“You can’t dance,” I said.

“I know,” he said. “That’s the point. If I meet one online, how will she know I can’t dance? She’ll be disappointed when she finds out.”

We meet, and she’s not an idiot. She’s not my type, either, but I doubt that I’m hers. I quiz her over coffee about her relationships. Slightly unnerved by my hovering pen, she explains that she uses MySpace for dating a lot. All the time, actually.

So how many people have you met online?

I ponder this logic while he navigates his way through a maze of sign-up pages. How will a girl know you can’t dance? In fact, how will someone using online dating know anything for real about the other partner? And how can they tell they

Shaken, I press on. I delete all of my old account and start again. Another bite, another prettylooking girl, name of Wendy. This time, I explain to her that I’m a journalist and I want to meet her to ask about online dating. She, laughing, agrees to meet up with me next time I’m up her way.

Internet Dating haven’t been busy with Photoshop, a Google image search, and an active imagination?

Jim decides to meet the problem of plagiarism head on, by being scrupulously honest about himself on his profile. I expect it to be fully winceworthy. But it’s not. He’s managed to portray himself in a way that’s both honest and witty. I’ve told him to keep me informed on how he does.

I’m a little – well, extremely – surprised when he has a few emails, from real, live women within minutes of posting his profile.

Ask an academic I’m so surprised, in fact, that decide I need some help with this online dating thing. Who better to ask about love online, I surmise, than an academic?

I call the University of Waikato’s Sociology department. Yes, they say, there’s a Marama here and she’d love to talk to you about online dating.

No, I say.

yeah, they’re common.”

She explains. “An NZD coffee means when you’re invited to a coffee on NZ Dating, you’re being invited to have sex. It’s a code.”

But what are they thinking?

I’m confused. Are people just in it for sex? Or are they after love? Neither, she explains. It’s just like the real world. Some are there for sex, some for love, some for a crazy combination of both. With different people.

“People seem to go through stages with online dating. At first it might be all about sex, then after some time, they seem to find that gets a bit boring.

Also, a lot of people have been alone for a long time, and they’re unsure about dating. And that makes the [online environment] perfect for them.

They can set the pace so they feel comfortable, and begin to interact in other ways – phone, text, email, webcam conversations.”

“Most women ask themselves that,” Marsh admits. But, she explains, it’s not just men.

Women do it too. And there’s a weird logic behind it – people don’t want to be recognised on the net. So they send a picture of their most private, unrecognisable parts, in the hope that people will like what they see – without seeing their faces. It’s an odd mixture of insecurity and bravado.

The women, she suggests, do it because they’re looking for a relationship, but they want to indicate that sex will be an important part of any relationship formed. The men, on the other hand, are just in it for sex.

I am sceptical. If they’re after a relationship, wouldn’t it be enough to, well, just say that? I suspect the women who pose nude, legs akimbo, do it for exactly the same reasons the men do.

What Women Want

Morality is different in cyberspace “The worst are the foot-fetish ones.

‘Can I suck your toes?’ I get a lot of those.”

Marama Marsh is studying for a Masters degree in Social Science, and the topic of her thesis is, happily, online dating. As it’s a new area, academically speaking, she’s recognised as

But does that mean people who use online dating are socially retarded? Introverted?

something of a guru in the field, and has appeared on Campbell Live to talk about it.

suggesting that it’s exactly the opposite.”

“No, it’s a myth. In fact, most of my research is

In fact, she says, the idea that it’s the exclusive haunt of geeks and the socially challenged has been “shot down years ago.”

“People I’ve talked to have done online dating in Canada, France, England, the United States, and we’re only just catching up over here. Overseas, though – all ages are online. It’s just what people do.”

She sets me straight pretty quickly.

Dick Pics

NZD Coffee “With the advent of online dating,” she says, “there’s definitely been an increase in people meeting for a coffee and checking each other out.

But – have you heard of the term ‘NZD coffee?’”

With the amount of people jumping online, there’s bound to be a fair selection of undesirables. I tentatively broach my horror stories of the men who, er, males showing their…

She comes swiftly to the point. “Dick pics? Oh,

I should point out here that this person is stupidly, ridiculously attractive. In fact, she’s a former beauty queen, and still gets regular modelling work. She – well, we’ll call her Arachne, for lack of a better moniker – has been using online dating for a couple of years, and she says up to 80 per cent of her friends (female and male) use it too.

If there ever was an example of the “geeks only” stereotype being blown out of the water, Arachne’s it.

Although, she tells me she’s had experience of just that stereotype.

“He was really tall and lanky and – ugh, repulsive.

Actually obnoxious, in the way he spoke and stuff. ‘Nyar har har har – sniff’. Snotty and gross – he was sniffing, sniffing constantly - and the whole time I was with him I just wanted to cry and run away. The date only lasted the length of time it took me to scull a mochaccino. It was so overwhelmingly bad,” she says.

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

I ask Marsh about the theory I have about online dating. My idea is that it’s the New Zealand advent of the “date proper” – of people meeting various others, seeing if they click. Playing the field, rather than hoping to meet The One through friends of friends, or by the traditional Kiwi 3am scramble at closing time.

It’s possible that what women want from online dating would have escaped me forever, had I not found the good fortune to find out that the friend of a friend did online dating. I met her the traditional way – at a party – and asked her if she’d agree to be interviewed about her dating habits. She agreed, albeit reluctantly.

This worries me. I’ve been described as tall, and lanky. I hope I don’t sniff, though.

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Internet Dating So, if he was so awful, how’d he hook her?

“The photos I saw, he only sent like headshots and they were all airbrushed or something. When I met him, I didn’t even recognise him.

“He seemed real articulate and nice, but I guess that’s the danger of communicating by e-mail – I couldn’t hear his voice, of course, and his voice was just obnoxious.”

Oh dear. I don’t like this at all. Articulate-ness is probably all I’ve got going for me. And it reminds me of something Marsh said.

Marsh theorizes that online dating is creating a new underclass – people who can’t write good.

Because the online world is so text-based, semiliterates are shunned.

“If you can write well, be witty, and type fast, that’s the equivalent of having a tight butt and good clothes. You are top shelf. People will flock to you,” she says.

This cold, hard fact reveals one of the major drawcards of internet dating – on nearly every site, you can search for the sort of person you wish to meet. You can search by weight, height, eye and hair colour, sexuality, religion, ethnicity – the list goes on. As the amount of people online grows ever larger, the choices do too.

And what choices they are. Morality is different in cyberspace. On MySpace, 15 year old girls can regularly be found posing in lingerie and waxing lyrical about their sexual habits. Men pose topless and invite women over from continents away. Sites designed specifically for dating are even more explicit, as you’d expect. Arachne says that offers of sex with other women and couples are very common, as are more, well, bizarre requests.

Like what?

“The worst are the foot-fetish ones. ‘Can I suck your toes?’ I get a lot of those.”

“It’s kind of fun.

Addictive, actually.

And I’m pretty sure I’ll eventually meet a nice guy doing it.”

But there’s a problem with this: the generation now beginning to use online dating, the mobile phoneand-computer-savvy crowd – you, likely - talk in txt-speak. And a lot of their profiles reflect this.

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

But there’s hope for the literate yet. Despite her bad experience, Arachne prefers men with big… vocabularies.

“I hate incorrect spelling. Sometimes I correct guys when they email me – like explaining ‘horny’ is spelt without an ‘e.’ I have my criteria up there and they’ve got to seem nice, seem intelligent.”

Okay. You’re thinking “I’m nice and intelligent!”

Well, of course, there’s a catch.

Online, people still like certain physical attributes.

There’s no reason, for instance, that an attractive woman would magically start liking articulate 90-pound nerds as soon as she gets online, if that wasn’t her thing to begin with.

Marsh says that sounds about right.

“It’s very common to see couples advertising for sex with another girl, as well as men advertising for sex with men. Lots of married men. Morality is different online, because you don’t have the social sanctions, the visual cues [of a real-world environment.] You have anonymity, for a start, so you might be chatting away erotically and feel completely okay about doing that – but you wouldn’t do that out in a bar, and you definitely wouldn’t while doing your shopping. The online environment provides quite an arena for the stretching of social boundaries.”

No kidding. I got into this thing to try and make some sense of the world of online dating, and maybe even pick up a few dates myself. And now I find that it’s at least as scary and complicated and fascinating and crazy as dating in the real world.

According to Marsh, the online difference is that

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Arachne’s Online Dating Do’s and Don’ts Online dating super-hottie reveals her secrets DO...

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Write a good, clear profile describing yourself and your interests.

Write a profile that’s too brief, or too long … a happy medium is the most readable.

Include a clear photo when emailing! If its dark/fuzzy, it will seem dodgy.

Include a photo in your ad. Ads with photos get way more replies.

Fill out the profile in full, if you leave out stats such as weight/education, people will presume the worst.

Be honest, it is easier than you think to tell if someone is lying.

When writing a message don’t make it too brief, or impersonal. People are most likely to reply to a personal email instead of a mass-forwarded email.

DON’T...

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Choose a seedy username. For God’s sake, DON’T include the number ‘69’ Put ‘looking for sexual meetings’ even if it’s the truth, it’s a big turn-off.

Be negative, keep it positive.

Don’t use derogatory terms to describe the opposite sex.

Be racist or un-PC, instead of “no Asians” say “I prefer fair-skinned Europeans”

people get to know each other “from the inside out. They learn each other’s innermost secrets before they find out anything else,” she says. Jim’s a shining example – his profile outlines bits of his life in vivid detail. It appears to work – last time I checked in with him, he was avidly exchanging hourly emails with a girl(?) called Laith.

I think I’m ready to go. I ask Arachne to check out my tentative profile. She clucks over it a bit. “This is no good,” she says. “Too negative.” She points out some possible changes, and I promise to make them.

Once I get my profile up, that is. And when I do, I’ve got one thing in my favour: I can lie about going bald.

By Hazel Whitley Polyamory (from ‘poly’ = many + ‘amor’ = love) is a little difficult to pin down exactly. Wikipedia defines it as: The practice of having more than one loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved.

Sociologists would perhaps prefer to limit the term to refer to recreational non-monogamy (like swinging), though many who identify as polyamorous are deeply and intimately committed to their partners. The word ‘polyamory’ was coined a mere 16 years ago, perhaps in part to distinguish it from polygamy – which (although the literal meaning is ‘many partners’) is generally used to refer to unequal situations, such as those where one man has many wives.

Even in European society, it was a well-

Although multiple simultaneous relationships are nothing new, there are two significant differences between these practices and polyamory. One is openness. There are two aspects to this – openness within relationships, and openness in society in general. Perhaps because discussing feelings has become more acceptable for both men and women, people who are in a successful relationship but feel drawn to other people are more likely to talk about it and negotiate a solution, than to engage in cheating (i.e. see other people without their partner’s knowledge) or serial monogamy (i.e. break up with the current partner every time they fall for someone new).

We also live in a much more open society - for better or worse, people nowadays are more likely to talk about what they do in their private lives. This means that there is much more awareness of the way other people conduct their sexual/romantic lives. More awareness tends to lead to a greater degree of acceptance or tolerance, which means that people are more likely to see polyamory as an option, and more likely to be able find support and advice if they do choose to try it.

The other change is gender equality - although some non-equal relationship modes persist (for example, fundamentalist Mormon polygyny as seen on Big Love), the advance of feminism has profound implications for multiple relationships.

Few modern women would accept that her man is allowed to have other partners while she stays in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant!

So rather than one man with a mistress or a harem of women, the shape of polyamorous relationships is decided by negotiation between equals, and personal choice.

Some examples Note: names have been changed, but they are real, kiwi people Marie is a student. She had always had trouble being monogamous, but hated the dishonesty of cheating. ‘Cheating felt really wrong, as it should’. She became friends with a polyamorous couple, and was impressed by their ‘blend of sexual autonomy, truthfulness and responsibility’. She felt that polyamory would be right for her, and found out more about it when she became involved with a guy who was in an open relationship with his long time girlfriend (both straight). He and his girlfriend live together not far from Marie’s house. He stays over at Marie’s twice a week, and occasionally the three meet for dinner and a chat. Polyamory feels right to Marie because she knows she can be in love with more than one person, and feels that society’s limitations on relationships don’t make sense. As a bisexual woman she also appreciates that she can now (in theory) pursue relationships with

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

Sociologist Dr David Swain in the Department of Societies and Cultures here at Waikato, points out that polyamory is a new word for a very old practice. Monogamy is the norm (at least superficially) in the Judeo-Christian tradition, but in other societies there has been a huge variety of relationship types. Admittedly, polygyny has been by far the most common practice, usually reserved for the well-off men in a community, who could afford to support multiple wives. Polyandry has been seen in cultures where, because of economic hardship, it took several men (often related, e.g. brothers) to support one woman and her children.

established practice in the upper classes for men to have a mistress. The English have traditionally kept very quiet (as the English do) about these non-monogamous practices, but in some cultures it was more openly accepted. For example, French has phrases such as ‘ménage a trois’ and ‘de cinq a sept’ (5-7pm, the time that men usually visited their mistresses), implying that such behaviour was talked about, and therefore relatively normal.

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Polyamory both men and women. Being polyamorous has made her work on her communication skills, responsibility, boundaries, and strategies for dealing with difficult emotions like jealousy, but she feels rewarded by her growth as a person, and her sense of resonance with poly life.

Simon works at a factory. He is married to Megs who is an office manager, and they are in love with Naomi who is a student and a full time mum. Simon is straight. Megs and Naomi are bisexual. Between them all they have 5 children (some from Naomi’s previous marriage).

Simon and Megs have always identified as polyamorous. They are married, and were friends with Naomi for six years before they became involved. Now they all live together and raise their children together (they even go to parentteacher nights together). Naomi says poly works for them because of the way they view the world.

‘Our biggest philosophy is that it takes a village to raise a child; it’s just that we are the village in one relationship... We are all such different people that it’s giving the kids three totally different views on the world, all of which are successful in their own way.’ The children are all aware of their relationship, and the youngest was born after the triad formed, so ‘he does not know anything else, and the other kids just seem to accept it for what it is: a loving family.’

A

A

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The geometry can get a lot more complicated, stretching to webs or networks of interconnected relationships (far beyond my limited drawing skills).

Living situations may also vary. Sometimes everyone lives together, sometimes not, depending on location, cohabitation compatibility, depth of relationship, number of people involved etc.

Poly relationships take many different shapes depending on the number, gender identity and attractions of the people involved. It could be made up of heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or even asexual (not drawn to sexual relationships) people. Sometimes all the partners are involved with each other (for example, three people linked in an equilateral triangle), but this is not always the case (for example, a ‘vee’, where only the hinge person is romantically involved with the other two).

Of course, considering that (as Dr Swain points out) ‘as you arithmetically add individuals

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

Terms

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C

Examples of possible polyamory combinations

People in a polyamorous relationship aren’t always open to more partners. They might be in a committed triad/quad/… and (like a married couple) not seeking more connections. Other poly relationships might be ‘open’. Even when a relationship is open, it can vary in what it’s open to. Some are ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ – in which the partners (after having negotiated this arrangement) keep all details of other connections from each other. Others look for potential partners together. There is no one particular way to ‘do’ polyamory, but rather a huge range of possibilities, which rely on careful communication by the people involved.

How is it done?

B

Polyamorous: describing people who engage in polyamory, or the relationships they have.

Often abbreviated to ‘poly’.

Polygyny: ‘many wives’ – the practice of one man having multiple female mates.

Polyandry: ‘many husbands’ – the practice of one woman having multiple male mates.

Polygamy: ‘many mates’ – often used to refer to polygny, but actually meaning one person with multiple mates.

Note: Having multiple partners, who may also have partners of their own, has led to some new terms to refer to them all. Added to husband / wife / boyfriend / girlfriend etc, are terms like: sweetie; OSO (Other Significant Other); spice (a suggested plural of spouse), co-wife…

to a family, you geometrically increase the number of relationships’, it can be difficult and complicated. There are many relationship issues that can be more significant in a polyamorous relationship, such as jealousy, boundaries and time management. It seems that many monogamous people see jealousy and possessiveness as evidence of love, while many poly people see jealousy as neither a moral failing nor proof of devotion, but just an emotion to be understood and managed, as we manage anger or sadness. It seems successful polyamorous relationships deal with these issues the same way a successful monogamous couple would: communication, personal responsibility, trust, and so on.

Though many poly people would not consider themselves in any way abnormal, it seems that there is a lot of overlap between polyamory and other alternative lifestyles and relationships.

Some poly people participate in (and also meet long-term partners through) BDSM, swinging, furrries etc. It seems as though people who are already transgressing the ‘norm’ in some area are more willing to identify or experiment with other fringe communities. I asked the WSU GLBT officer, Megan Moffet, whether she feels that poly relates to GLBT issues, given that many poly people identify as ‘non-straight’, even if their attractions are heterosexual. Megan feels that poly falls under her umbrella of representation in that she wants to support people ‘who don’t fit into a specified normality of straightness’.

Some people say that polyamory is now where the gay rights movement was 15 years ago. In terms of social acceptance, this may be the case, though for now it seems polyamory is seen as much more deviant than homosexuality.

Both heterosexuality and monogamy carry a lot of religious and romantic baggage (such as the idea that you will find your ‘other half’ and live happily every after).

Polyamory

It seems that many monogamous people see jealousy and possessiveness as evidence of love, while many poly people see jealousy as neither a moral failing nor proof of devotion, but just an emotion to be understood and managed, as we manage anger or sadness.

Legally, there are significant differences between the acceptance of homosexuality and that of polyamory (for example, practicing polyamory has never been illegal; only multiple marriages are prohibited in our society). Interestingly, some of the laws instituted to provide for families built on non-nuclear lines (gay couples, single parents, changing partners etc) could provide protection for poly people wanting to form legally supported families. The Care of Children Act (2004), for example, was created to ‘reflect the diversity of family arrangements that now exist in New Zealand’. This act removes unfair distinctions between married and de facto partners and allows parents to ‘jointly appoint a new partner (including de facto and same-sex partners) as an additional guardian’. This means that a child can effectively have at least three guardians (and only one has to be biologically related). It’s unclear how the Property Relationships Act (1976) applies to de facto relationships involving more than two people, or relationships where someone is married, and also in a further de facto relationship, but it could certainly become interesting when this is tested!

Polyamory is also referred to as ‘responsible non-monogamy’, and sometimes described as a grown-up version of free love. As with anything responsible and grown-up, it bursts a few fantasy

bubbles, it’s not all fun and games, and it takes hard work to do it successfully. On the other hand, so does any committed relationship.

Polyamory is not for everyone. Bright-eyed beginners might naively see it as more mature or highly evolved, and perhaps more people will choose it as it becomes more socially acceptable, but the general consensus is: it works for some. So does monogamy. Heck, so does celibacy. Who are we to judge? Perhaps I’ll leave the final word to this guy:

“Who has any right to find fault with someone who chooses to enjoy a pleasure that has no annoying consequences, or one who avoids a pain that produces no resultant pleasure?”

Cicero (45BC)

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www.polyamory.org Home page of the alt.polyamory newsgroup gleewood.org/writings/sikip.html Someone I Know Is Polyamorous – information, explanation, advice. www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html Polyamory: What? Why? How? www.lovemore.com Website of Loving More magazine http://home.comcast.net/~walkswithastick/relationshipsM.html Glossary of Relationship Terms groups.yahoo.com/group/PolyKiwis Support group for kiwis interested / involved in polyamory (note: you need to have a Yahoo ID to join)

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

In a recent episode of Boston Legal, a triad contested the charge of polygamy on the grounds that it is not longer legally or socially necessary or desirable. Indeed, in a society where often both parents have to work in order to support the family, having a larger support base, whether it be a traditional extended family or a polyamorous family, makes a great deal of sense. As Dr Swain pointed out, ‘many people, from Margaret Mead to Hillary Clinton, have said, “It takes a village to raise a child”.’ This African proverb asserts that child rearing is too

large a job for one, or even two people. Dr Swain says documentation of successful communes suggest that the more intimately involved adults who participate in a child’s life, the better.

More input means less pressure on each adult.

Multiple parents can provide more practical and emotional support to the children and each other.

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If you know of any gigs or events, send in the details to nexus@waikato.ac.nz. For any possible changes to this list, listen to Contact 88.1 FM

Tuesday August 15th

Tracs, Hamilton. R18.

‘The Best of the Best’ Head down to the Founders Theatre in Hamilton to see stars from the ‘50s to the 80s in Concert.

The acts include Johnny Devlin & The Tornadoes, Ray Columbus, Sharon O’Neill, Shane, Larry Morris and Tom Sharplin. Go to www. ticketdirect.co.nz for more details.

Wednesday August 16th

The Telecom 2006 New Zealand International Film Festivals showcase the year’s best cinematic offerings both from New Zealand, and around the world, and is all kicking off today! You can catch all of these amazing films at Rialto Cinemas in Hamilton so get down there and buy some tickets. Check out page 44-45 for more details.

Jazz band Zebra play at The Cook, Cook Street, Hamilton East every Wednesday night from 8pm.

Friday August 18th

Thursday August 17th

Cornerstone Roots play Digger’s Back Bar on the Hamilton stop of their latest tour.

The Black Seeds are going to be doing an 11 show nationwide tour to celebrate the release of their new album, Into The Dojo. The Black Seeds will be performing with DJ Lord Fader in the Raglan Town Hall. The show will start at 8pm and you can get presales from Info @ Raglan and

Prepare for a night of Hamilton hardcore with Antagonist, The Warpath, Upheld and The Wrongmen. They are all playing at Upsett Records, Victoria Street, Hamilton in celebration of the Antagonist CD Release.

Wednesday 23rd August Jolie Holland plays at the Kings Arms in Auckland.

Promoting her new album Springtime Can Kill You, this San Francisco/Vancouver singersongwriter should deliver a stunning show.

Hip hop group 4Corners will be performing with Maia Rata, guest MC’s, DJ’s and B-Boys at Charmers, Hamilton.

Saturday August 19th

Friday August 25th Concord Dawn/Minuit Tour This is going to be huge! Make sure you get to it because Minuit are so super amazing! Put on your best dancing gear because you won’t stop until the early hours of the morning. This event is at Catalyst, Hamilton.

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

GIG SPOTLIGHTS Chuganaut & Prolepsis – 25th August @ Diggers Back Bar

4 Corners

Chuganaut, one of Hamilton’s finest bands once again unleash their heartfelt lyrics upon us at Diggers Back Bar on Friday 25th August.

The first time I heard Chuganaut I experienced a profound laxative effect that was a very pleasurable sensation. Like the teachings of Scientology every Chuganaut song portrays a key message about life.

This is the secret ingredient behind Chuganaut’s music, although it’s probably not a secret anymore.

Chuganaut make creative music with good intentions, so we probably won’t see any of them pissing on the audience GG Allin styles. As much as I’d like to see Stu and his extensive vocal range take a dump on stage and roll around in it like Mr Allin it’s unlikely to happen. Although I have noticed Stu’s nickname is ‘Solid’. All that aside I suspect there will be little scatting action at the forthcoming Chuganaut show. Chuganaut advocate on their website that the best way to hear them is with your eyes so go and see Chuganaut on August 25th at Diggers and give your eyes, ears and bowels a treat.

Disruptiv’s newest signings 4 Corners have recently released their debut album The Foundations after several years of making music in their native Hamilton and beyond. With the group consisting of MC’s Koma & Hepaklypz and DJ Omega B, the name 4 Corners originates from the 4 elements of the Hip Hop culture. 4 Corners formed in 1998 bringing members from various other groups from Hamilton.

PHOTO BY PJ ARTFORMS

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Over the past seven years 4 Corners have performed at events such as the Big Day Out, NZ ITF Finals, the Aotearoa Hip Hop Summit and the B-Net Awards. Highlights of their career so far include featuring on P-Money’s debut album Big Things & DJ Sir-Vere’s triple platinum selling Major Flavours 4. 4 Corners have supported top local acts - Nesian Mystik, Che Fu, King Kapisi, P-Money, Deceptikonz, Footsouljahs, Frontline and Scribe on his sell out Stand Up Tour. They have also appeared alongside Scribe at De La Soul, DJ Q-Bert & 50 Cent.

Featuring vocal appearances from top drawer guests such as Ladi6, Che Fu, Tyra Hammond [Opensouls], Tyna, P-Money, Maia Rata & more, The Foundations is undeniably 2006’s most hotly anticipated NZ hip hop album!

Currently touring nationwide in support of The Foundations, 4 Corners will be at Charmers on Friday 18th August.

To win a copy of 4 Corners essential slice, The Foundations, send your name into Nexus and the person with the best name will win this sweet disc.

Upcoming Events

Spark is back!

Wintec’s week-long celebration of international media, arts and design returns for its eighth year.

Waikato Institute of Technology’s (Wintec’s) annual five-day festival of international media, arts and design Spark 06 – will be held in Hamilton from August 21-25.

Spark 06 is a unique festival that provides a forum for those in the creative industries to meet and learn from cutting-edge national and international artists, writers, musicians, filmmakers and media personalities. Check out the website www.spark.net.nz for more details, prices for non-students, and a full list of events.

Spark is FREE to current Wintec and Waikato University students and just $25 for the week for graduates, so make the most of it and register now.

Some highlights of the week: Monday 21st August

Wed 23rd

Friday 25th

8.00pm, Wintec, Moving Imaging Studio

1.00pm, Wintec, Moving Imaging Studio

10.00am, Meteor Theatre, 1 Victoria St, Hamilton City

Film Screening: Onedotzero

Janine Randerson, Maree Mills, Lisa Reihana Digital Artists (NZ)

Don McGlashan, Singer/songwriter (NZ)

Hot from the UK by the innovative digital film-makers, this

These three artists work at the cutting edge in the field of digital

Don McGlashan is NZ’s finest and most original songwriter. This

screening is a must see for all media arts practitioners.

and screen-based works. They will answer the question on every

show and tell is a must see for all.

Onedotzero draws from an unprecedented range of talent that has

artist’s lips – how do you make great art, in an expensive medium

produced startling original work. Their client base includes Nike,

without going bankrupt? Janine and Lisa have been artists-in-

1.00pm, Meteor Theatre, 1 Victoria St, Hamilton City

Sony, Levi Strauss, Absolut and Apple Sweden among others.

residence at the University of Waikato, while Maree is a Screen

Boredomresearch, Design/Software Art (UK)

and Media lecturer who is presently completing her Phd.

UK duo Vicky and Paul are producers of stunning software

Tues 22nd

creations. Their practise mutates and re-forms as video 3.30pm, Wintec, Moving Imaging Studio

installation, interactive sound applications, public artworks, online

1.00pm, Wintec, Moving Image Studio

Panel Discussion: What’s hot in contemporary cultural criticism

projects and soundscapes which have been shown internationally.

Catherine Griffiths, Designer/Typographer (NZ)

today?

This presentation by boredom will be anything but.

Catherine Griffiths is an Independent typographer and designer

This discussion, chaired by Natasha Conland, curator at the Venice

practising in Wellington. As well as corporate branding she takes

Biennale, will explore new critical forms and encourage debate

3.30pm,Meteor Theatre, 1 Victoria St, Hamilton City

her typographic projects into public spaces, architecture and the

around the function of criticism in relation to art practice.

Ronnie Van Hout, Artist (Aus)

landscape. She seeks to “have the letterform speak, to make work that reaches beyond the expectations of others”

Currently living and working in Melbourne Ronnie has come 8.00pm, Wintec, Moving Imaging Studio

through the back door to become one of N.Z s big name artists.

In Conversation with Peter Wells, Writer/Film Director (NZ)

He was one of four Walters Prize Finalists in 2004. His works do

3.30pm, Wintec, Moving Imaging Studio

Come and relax at an evening with award-winning author Peter

something rare in the world of contemporary art - make you laugh

Lala Rolls, Film-maker (NZ)

Wells, interviewed by the lively Dr Mark Houlahan, Senior English

but leave you strangely moved.

Lala Rolls is a Fiji-born Film-maker who, among other projects

Lecturer and Waikato Times columnist, who will draw Peter out on

directed “Children of the Migration” (2004 NZ Film Festival). A

his remarkable achievements. Peter is an acclaimed film writer

6.00pm, The Waikato Museum of Art and History, 1 Grantham St,

special screening of this film will be proceeded by a talk in which

and director whose most recent novel Iridescence was a runner up

Hamilton City

Lala explores the craft of documentary film-making. Children of the

in the 2005 Montana book awards.

Spark 06 Finale Kick-back after a long week of creative mind-expansion, and

Thur 24th 6.00pm, Wintec, Moving Imaging Studio

celebrate! There will be a special performance by Don McGlashan and John Segovia. The Spark finale closing event will be hosted by

Morgan Samuel, Post Production Sound Engineer

3.30pm,Wintec, Moving Imaging Studio

the Waikato Museum, providing a great chance to view this year’s

Morgan graduated from Media Arts Music Production Degree with

Brenda Nightingale, Mark Braunias Painters (NZ)

talent at the contemporary art awards.

honours in 2004, and went on to work as an effects and dialogue

Brenda makes the kind of work you just want to eat up. Her

editor with Peter Jackson’s Park Road Post. He now works for

paintings mimic the delicate view captured on souvenir teaspoons.

Marmalade Audio, one of NZ’s leading post production and music

In contrast Mark’s, bold pop-like work incorporates a splendid

recording facilities. Morgan is keen to share some helpful hints

hodgepodge of contemporary references. Both of these painters

and experiences to those wanting to work in the industry.

produce amazing work.

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

Migration will screen at 8pm.

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WSU Prez

Sehai Orgad

This week has been CRAZY! From crashing my car to organising political events, this has to be one of the busiest and frustrating times this year!

One of the highlights this week, however, was the Rangatahi Business Competition organised by Te Ranga Ngakau Maori Management Network.

This night not only saw 30 odd high school kids deliver some of the most interesting case analysis on Maori businesses, but also a celebration of those kids’ achievement through entertainment from the Dawn Raid crew, Aaradhna and Mareko, Ardijah and local favourite Ursula Boon.

Seriously, this was one of the best gigs I have ever seen!

As I write this column this week, I am also in the process of confirming all of the speakers at this weeks MPs debate on the 90 Day Probationary Worker Bill. Wayne Mapp has confirmed, and was actually the first to say yes, David Bennett soon followed; Sue Moroney jumped on the bandwagon pretty quickly and now it is down to the Labour Party trumping up another MP to complete the team…organising these things is waaaay harder than it seems! So, I am hoping that by the time that you are all reading this, you will have already been to the debate, loved it, and been wowed in a spectacular manner by the mystery Labour MP who came to debate their heads off!

Ok, well that’s all from me at the moment, I better

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

get back on the phone lines to finalise all of this business and prepare for the rest of the week.

Vice-President Plagiarism and Big Brother Part 3 If you have problems keeping up with your studies during the year, (1) see your lecturers, (2) get extensions, (3) get other support (e.g. friends, and counselling/medical certificates), (4) reduce your non-academic commitments, and (5) organise your studies better, e.g. start assignments early.

If you are cornered, and tempted to cheat, don’t.

The University uses software to check for possible plagiarism in electronically submitted essays.

It tracks course readings, course texts, other students’ assignments, other universities, and internet sites; if you cheat or make mistakes you will be caught. Hard copy essays, if doubted, are manually checked against various sources.

Do your own work, do your best, and be proud of it. The Student Discipline Committee says students should co-operate, share ideas, suggest references, etc, but not plagiarise the work of others (including friends). There’s a grey area between what they call ‘legitimate’ co-operation and plagiarism. It’s time they defined it more clearly (there are cultural issues here too).

The University should rewrite its Assessment Regulations and its Student Disciplinary Regulations: its definitions are poor, and processes largely unjust. It should bring its requirements to students’ attention early in each semester, and throughout the year. Lecturers should distribute these in course outlines, in

English, Maori and Chinese.

The University should provide more student mentoring, especially the Teaching and Learning Development Unit (TLDU) - Level 1, Central Library. The University has underfunded and understaffed this vital unit, but do use it (and your School/Faculty support systems).

To be fair, the UoW is concerned about its ‘authoritarian’ image, but it should avoid political spin. And the Student Discipline Committee at least talks about ongoing support to help students avoid plagiarism accusations - not just fear.

To demonstrate good faith, the UoW administration should: (a) rewrite the regulations, (b) provide better mentoring services, (c) ensure thorough promulgation of its regulations on plagiarism, (d) decentralise the process, (e) downgrade its punitive armoury and outcomes, and (f) change its reporting/referral policies (the NZVCC should ensure consistency across Universities).

Ask WSU to pressure the UoW to change its authoritarian ways. If the UoW spent as much time investigating (and not covering up) staff misconduct and scandals as it does investigating and punishing minor student infractions, it would provide a far better ‘student experience’.

If you need help because the University is giving you a hard time, contact WSU.

Sports and Recreation Officers Seeing as this is my first posting in the Nexus as the co-sport & recreation officer, I thought I’d keep it short ‘n’ sweet.

If you don’t already know, the BATTLE OF THE BOMBAYS (BOB) 2006 is on SATURDAY 23 SEPTEMBER here in Htown - so keep an eye out for further details!

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Another sporting event to watch for is the NORTHERN TERTIARY CHALLENGE (NTC) that is a fortnight before the BOB, hosted by AUT at the Akoranga Campus on FRIDAY 8 SEPTEMBER. The sports for NTC are basketball, netball, indoor rowing, soccer, touch, ultimate and volleyball. NOTE that it’s not as serious as the Uni Games, but there is no funding for transport or accommodation so you’re all alone I’m afraid!

Carl Gordon

Matangaro Paerau

with Paora Mato

Last thing… BASKETBALL trials for the BOB team for both male & female are on 19th August at the School of Ed gym from 12pm-2pm. Males in the first hour, women in the second.

So if you’re keen in either of these events or just want some more info to disseminate… holla at us with an email to sport@wsu.org.nz.

Disabled Students’ Issues Officer Greetings readers.

Happening in the sector of late 01: Health Research Council Funding Round 2006-2007: Call for Expressions of Interest 02: Auckland University of Technology Community Partnership Scholarships 03: Environmental Support Services Review and Framework Plan: Summary Report 04: Ten year action plan for mental health and addiction services 05: Launch of Pacific Information Advocacy Support Services Trust website 06: Conferences and events For a breakdown on details, visit http://www.odi.govt.nz For more about this week’s theme – check out the quiz to the right.

Jeff Hawkes

QuizZex Match the following statements with the word that best describes it by filling in the letter of the statement that goes with the answer.

A A mating strategy in which a female has several male mates

B Caused by an organism called ____________ trachomatis

C Tumors of the skin and mucous membranes

Polygamy Promiscuity Monogamy Polygyny

D One individual has more than one mate

Chlamydia

E One male and one female as mating system

Polyandry

F Not restricted to one sexual partner

Human Papilloma Virus

G One of the many varieties of lice

Phthirus pubis

H The mating of a single male with several females

Syphilis

I A person who romantically desires another person

Herpes

of the same sex

J Caused by the bacterium Neisseria _________ K Caused by the spirochete bacterium Treponema pallidum

Gonorrhea Homosexual Polyamorous

L Vesicular eruption caused by a virus M Inclined, capable and desiring of having multiple sexual love partners at the same time

Maori Students’ Officer I thought I would change the structure of this blurb and use the message usually reserved for the end to begin with instead: “Love your enemies because it will drive them crazy” - The Fighting Temptations (2006).

Allowable discrimination – usually called a negative right, this allows for actions that are quintessentially a travesty to social justice and good moral conduct. This is my analysis of the proposed 90-day Probationary Workers Bill currently proposed by National MP Dr Mapp. In translating an allowable discrimination it allows for new employees to have no employment rights during a 90-day period where an employer can dismiss new employees at will. I have done my reading on the subject and need all you students to do the same – according to my investigations, in a recent questionnaire of 500 independent

workers 81% voted against the bill and 37% said that the employers would make more profit because of this bill. My assessment of the 37% is that in reality this is small because such a bill allows employers to avoid costs (labour costs).

Is this relevant to students? Hell yes, we are the future public goods of society who will graduate and be confronted by probationary period clauses in employment contracts. I know that I did not come to University to see these types of clauses – did you? (Think about it).

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

In the political arena there are always personalities that you wished you could get along with. However, to have any sort of relationship with these people one must rub shoulders with some unsavoury dialogue. As one who respects the essence of the message above, I believe some people just cannot be turned from the dark side, and neither is it my job to turn them. So in keeping with the message for this issue – peace

out and fuzzy furry things to all those who do not have the courage for the face to face approach.

Renee Rewi

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International Students’ Officer In previous weeks, I was desperately trying to get students to submit their posters. That didn’t work. So I decided not to ask anything of you this week. I’ll tell you what happened at International Students Conference instead.

cost you next year, DON’T call the Gateway, they don’t know it. Go to the international centre and try to find someone who does. DON’T believe any estimates. This is why they are called estimates.

It’s likely that the real costs will be higher.

International Conferences will always be about fees, because international fees are indecently high and most universities have no grandparenting and increase their fees every year as much as they can without looking too greedy.

This is actually a breach of the ’Code of Conduct for the Pastoral care of International Students’ our second big topic at conference. This code is protecting you from harm caused by institutions when they behave unfairly. It applies to all

Campaigning for grandparenting, which was one of the issues, kind of failed to do the trick for the representatives for the union of grandparenting universities.

education providers in New Zealand: school, language schools, universities etc. You might have realized that they are usually not out to rob you or intentionally trick you into signing up with them.

But sometimes, big institutions like this university loose track of their Code requirements. The Code says that all costs for international students have to be published by the institution so that there are no hidden costs (Art. 4.2.1). If they don’t publish their tuition fees for international students, that could be seen as a breach of the code.

But there is a nice issue around this topic here at our uni: because grandparenting makes fees too difficult to publish anymore, the Fees and Charges Book has disappeared from the uni website, leaving prospective students with only an estimate of their annual fees to budget for. NOTE: if you need to know what your single paper will

GLBT Officer

Sonja Gruebmeyer

The Code is a very helpful tool for students and universities. Unfortunately, very few international students know their rights within the Code. I encourage you, to read at least the summary of it in your handbook, but even better, read the actual code. It’s not much and you can skip the part with the under 18s mostly because it’s about high schools.

If you feel unfairly treated or charged unreasonably high fees, compared to your estimate, then it could be a Code-case and you should come and see me for I can help you with it.

You can of course come and complain about anything else. I can, however, offer no help for people being stuck in ugly flirting situations who want to get out of them, because I have no idea myself. I would therefore suggest you read the Nexus for guidance. Or just say no, that’s legal in this country.

Megan Moffet

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

So a few weeks ago I talked about the 20th anniversary of the Homosexual Law Reform? Now Hamilton gets its own chance to remember and celebrate this great point in NZ’s history with …

A community event offering an opportunity to reflect on the struggles and achievements of the last twenty years both in the Waikato and New Zealand as a whole. An important milestone in our country’s social history, we believe the story should not be forgotten.

For more information telephone Kate at 839 3917 or Susan at 839 3951

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Friday opening night speakers: Former Mayor of Hamilton, Margaret Evans New Zealand film-maker, writer-in-Residence University of Waikato, Peter Wells Labour MP, Martin Gallagher Saturday screening: “Georgie Girl”, introduced by Peter Wells, 3pm

It’s great to see a free event like this in the community. I will be talking to the organisers as they prepare on Friday night, on The Fairly Queer Hour. This is a queer focused show on Community Radio Hamilton AM1206 and FM106.7 from 5-6pm each Friday. Tune in to hear what’s going on with this event, and a mix of queer news and information from around the world.

See ya there.

Environmental Officers Chur Enviropeepz, We’ve actually been about our core business this week, networking with environmental interest groups within the Uni and we’ve also made contacts with enviro groups around the Hamilton city. These groups have asked us to attend various meetings to represent the student body in enviro matters, and this we will do. We have undertaken an ‘enviro audit’ of the Waikato Uni Hamilton campus and we have to say that the campus has ‘failed’ by not achieving a C grade average. Basically there are many small things the Uni can be doing to encourage waste reduction and recycling.

Some ‘small things’ we have identified are: • Accept all assignments double sided. Better yet allow more assignments to be electronically submitted. (We realise that not all assignments can be electronically submitted).

• More recycling bins around the Uni. • Never mind that extra print out after you finish printing telling how much it cost and your

•

Envirowhets & Enviropene

current balance.

The new S Block extension doesn’t look like it has solar panels for electricity or solar heating panels. Why not a few small windmills on top as well.

I could go on, but we’ll save some for the environmental committee meeting. If yous have got some enviro-feedback for us send an e-mail: environment@wsu.org.nz. If you want to check out some enviro-stuff check out: www.waikato. ac.nz/environet.

Feedback from last week’s challenge Smoked up those campaign officers fellas in the ‘collect as much rubbish around the Uni in 1hr’ competition.

This week’s challenge is for the Woman’s Issues, Education, Campaigns again, Tauranga, and GBLT officers, and also Mr Vice Chancellor, (because Mr VC didn’t come for a swim and the rest didn’t contribute to Nexus last week). We will do a free Mau Taiaha training/demonstration session in the Village Green this week, Wednesday 3:30pm.

This will deliver to our ‘Raukauora portfolio’.

Fun stuff for tutorials: •

•

•

Insist each tut starts with everyone standing singing the national anthem in each official language of NZ - English, Maori and sign language. Then finish with both hakas.

Pretend you can hear voices in your head during the whole tut. Then ask if you can pass the paper on the grounds of insanity.

Pretend you are invisible during tut and move around the room laughing and being an idiot.

•

•

•

If you like someone in your tut pass around a sign up sheet with ‘name’, ‘student ID’ and ‘cell number’. Then you can txt them after tut.

Answer all questions by singing the answers to the tune of the oompa loompa song from the first Willy Wonka movie.

Arrive early to your tut and start painting the walls. Leave a note on the front door to say your tut will conducted by the lecturer in his/her office.

To be continued. Enjoy the break…may the force be with you.

TE HUINGA TAUIRA FUNDRAISER The raffle results for the week starting August 7th 2006 are as follows: 1st Penengaru Deleney

2nd Te Omeka Morehu

3rd Thomas Strickland

Thank you to all who supported our kaupapa.

And the rest of the WSU...

Tauranga Officer Andrew McKenna

Women’s Issues Officer Kim Armstrong

Education Officer Andrew Pritchard

Mature Student’s Officer Vincent Malcolm-Buchanen

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

Campaigns Officer Jade & Joseph

29

Foodbank Appeal Week 14 – 18 August 2006 Can you spare: • A can of baked beans or spaghetti?

• A pack of rice?

• A block of butter?

• A bag of sugar or flour?

• Maybe some soap or toothpaste?

This week we are holding a Foodbank Appeal. Foodbank provide food parcels for those a little less fortunate than ourselves.

If you are able to donate something, anything, you can drop it off to any of the following locations:

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

Uni Rec Centre Bennetts Bookshop Student Job Search WSU Reception The Chapel/Counsellors Reception

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Thanks for your support!!!

Any questions, contact: hbrett@waikato.ac.nz

Free Money!

Keep Watching The Scholarships There are heaps of scholarships open right now – check out www.waikato.ac.nz/scholarships for more. Here are just a few picked at random.

Fulbright Scholar Awards

Brian Smith 499 / 599 Scholarship

Closing dates vary Fulbright New Zealand offers a range of awards for scholars and professionals to engage in research, to teach and / or to gain professional experience in the US. For more information, call in to the Scholarships Office in the ITS Building, or visit the Fulbright website (www.fulbright.org.nz).

Closing date 30 August 2006 The Brian Smith Memorial 499/599 Scholarship was established in 1999 by the Waikato Management School in memory of Professor B V Smith, Director of Undergraduate Studies from 1991 to 1998, and has a value of $1,500. This Scholarship is open to management students enrolled their 499 or 599 Report of an Investigation, and is awarded on the basis of academic merit and personal character. Regulations and applications forms can be found on our website (www.waikato.ac.nz/scholarships).

Bren Low Memorial Scholarship Closing date 20 August 2006 This Scholarship offers support for students who will be enrolling full-time in their final year of study towards the Bachelor of Communication Studies or the Bachelor of Management Studies in 2006, majoring in Public Relations or Management Communications. This Scholarship can be awarded up to a value of $4000, and will be awarded primarily on academic merit. Further information and nomination forms will be available from our website (www.waikato. ac.nz/scholarships).

Te Pua Wānanga ki te Ao Postgraduate Excellence Awards Closing date 31 August 2006 The School of School of Maori and Pacific Development Te Pua Wānanga ki te Ao Postgraduate Excellence Awards were established in 2001 to affirm and encourage excellence in students undertaking study at postgraduate level within the School of Maori and Pacific Development. They are available to any student (full or part-time) studying within SMPD who qualify for entry into postgraduate level (MPhil or PhD). The awards have a value of up to $5,000. Regulations and application forms can be found on our website (www. waikato.ac.nz/scholarships).

The Macmillan Brown Prize for Writers Closing date 31 August 2006 Candidates for this Award are asked to write an essay, short story, poem or group of poems, short play or other work dealing imaginatively with any theme. This $2,000 Prize (administered by the University of Canterbury) is open to all undergraduates, and graduates of not more than three years’ standing. Regulations and application forms are in the display racks outside the Scholarships Office, in the ITS Building (which is located at the lake end of the Gate One car park).

BAYERBoost Scholarships Closing date 22 September 2006 The BAYERBoost Scholarships are offered to tertiary and senior secondary school students studying in environmental science or related areas. Students can be awarded up to $6,000 to assist them to work on a project over the summer in consultation with a host organisation. Further information and application forms can be found at www.

BAYERBoost.co.nz.

Send your notices of 100 words or less to nexus@waikato.ac.nz, or drop into box at WSU reception. Deadline is 5pm Tues.

Flatmate Wanted. Double room available, in a fully furnished flat (with dishwasher), situated in Fairview Downs area. Off street parking available.

To share with 2 females&1 male. Rent $95 p/w includes basic expenses. Welcome to view, if interested call 07 8539793.

Flatmate Wanted! To live with 2 guys, 1girl all at uni. $140p/w incld rent, power, phone, sky, food.

Off st parking, 5min walk to uni, close to town, shops in sunny Fox st. Nice new house, spacious indoor/outdoor living, gas heater...warm, already established flat just need to furnish own room.

Medium size room. Call Ryan on 0274176438 or 07)856 5415.

Flatmate wanted: 20+ mature, fun and easygoing. One kingsize bedroom available in 3 bedroom house, spacious indoor and outdoor living, parking available.fully furnished with dishwasher. Close to town and uni. Contact hayley 0274423228 MAJESTIC VIEWS......Apartment available for rent in Hamilton East. 2 Bedrooms, single carport, whiteware included (fridge washing machine & dryer). Upstairs apartment, north facing aspect, great views of city, close to river walks, uni and Hydro Majestic cafe!!!! $235 p/w. Phone Mark (07) 827 2265 or 021735541

Flat needed, any place in Hamilton is okay, cheap rental around $80-90 is preferable, but more cheaper more better. Please contact Kelly 0211826045 urgently looking for a place to live in two weeks. Thanx.

Need help with the German language?

I am a native German speaker and in return for a little bit of cash I will help you out with assignments, homework, etc. Contact Vera 0273547713 or 0210638040 Musicians Wanted - Guitarist and Drummer needed for covers band. We play classic and modern rock songs from Deep Purple to Jet and The Strokes. TXT 02102301422.

Hair models wanted for 3rd year tech student. please call or text Erin asap if you are interested.

07 856 2242 or 0274052223.

Cheap Student Rates: your computer problems can now be fixed, for cheap! Current student and qualified computer technician available to fix hardware & software problems. Computer training at your own pace, can be arranged to fit your needs. Cheap reasonable rates with excellent service guaranteed. Don’t delay, call today! (021) 123 8262 or email jhd10@waikato.ac.nz

2007

Nominations for the 2007 Waikato Students’ Union Executive are still open.

The following are the positions to be elected:

Battle of the Bombays Basketball Trials Saturday 19th of August School of Education Gym (next to College Hall).

Men’s 12-1pm, Women’s from 1pm-2pm

Do like, (this) sentence’s often you write?

We can sort out your sentence structure and punctuation problems and turn your assignments into fluent, clear, A-grade prose.

Visit us at www.editwrite.co.nz.

When you write wrong, we right the wrongs.

Clubs Notices 500 Card Tournament Congratulations to Greg van Eyk for winning last week’s game.

There will be another tournament on Wednesday 16th August.

Everyone Welcome, $2 entry, prizes for winners.

Downstairs WSU building at 7:30pm–10pm.

Email: wsu500@gmail.com to register.

WSU Executive Elections

President Vice President Finance Officer Maori Students Officer Campaigns Officer Sport and Recreation Officer Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual and Transgender Officer Mature Students Officer Education Officer Womens Rights Officer Environmental Officer Tauranga Representative International Students Officer Disabilities Officer

If you require any information or a full time line of the elections please contact Kirsty Blackwell on (07) 856 9139 or wsu@wsu.org.nz We look forward to hearing from you.

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

Nomination forms and portfolio descriptions are available from WSU Reception in the Student Union Building, ground floor. Nominations close on Friday 18 August 2006, voting will be held Monday 18 September to Wednesday 20 September 2006. This is your chance to contribute to student culture and initiatives on campus.

VS

31

Getting International

International Concert

By Lin at Eas

The International Concert held at the Performing Art center on the 29th of July was very successful.

Superb food was also provided before the concert started - sandwich platters, nibbles, spring rolls, samosas with all sorts of delicious dipping, and fresh orange juice! You get to meet a lot of new people among the eating crowd, and that’s even before the concert!

International center. The theatre was fully seated that night, filled with laughing, applause and great prizes at the end.

The International Concert is a great event held at the beginning of every new semester, mainly for new international students, but local students are welcome too. All the performers are students who volunteer to perform their specialty. Whether you’re professional or green, it’s just for fun. You can show anything, piano, violin, sing a song, dance, even a speech!

We all got into the theatre after enjoying the nice

Migrant expo

food and chatting. With an introduction and greeting www.migrantexpo.co.nz

Sponsors: Platinum The International Concert is Gold a great experience on Sponsor: from the Master of Ceremonies, Chang from China, campus, and a great opportunity to get to know new the concert started. All the great performances friends, or just enjoy the show. I’d like to take this 1st ever JOB FAIR !!! were brought by international students from chance to thankUNIQUE International Centre whoRecruitment organise opportunity to meet Free Entry offering Job different countries -10am-5pm, United States, Germany, China, the show2 every Companies, semester, Service and all Providers the performers.

Big Search Help, Immigration companies NOVOTEL TAINUI HAMILTON, UNION ROOM jobkeep seekers and your don’tthing! miss the Malaysia, you name it.

I particularly can’t forget the ups toSEP the hostwho MC assist Chang, doing 7 Alma Street, Hamilton City Centre 2006 Free Informative Employment Forum traditional Maori dance and the guitar by Steve from

The International Game: On Friday 4th August, teams representing different countries played football at the banks to celebrate International Day. Nexus AKA Finland won a football.

• Upskill for Jobs - Education Expo • Migrant Health Expo • Government Agencies: NZ Immigration Service, IRD, ACC, Career Services etc • Banking, Housing Loans • Immigration, Work Permits

• Free Seminar: By Dept of Labour, NZ Immigration Service • Settlement Resources: Kiwi Ora, Migrant Services • Community Services • English, Chinese & Filipino Migrant News - free!

welcome migrants, refugees, international students, overseas visitors, homestay families

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

www.migrantexpo.co.nz

32

Migrant expo

Platinum Sponsor:

1st ever

10am-5pm, Free Entry

NOVOTEL TAINUI HAMILTON, UNION ROOM

7 Alma Street, Hamilton City Centre

Gold Sponsors:

2

SEP

• Upskill for Jobs - Education Expo • Migrant Health Expo • Government Agencies: NZ Immigration Service, IRD, ACC, Career Services etc • Banking, Housing Loans • Immigration, Work Permits

2006

JOB FAIR !!!

UNIQUE opportunity to meet Recruitment Companies, Service Providers offering Job Search Help, Immigration companies who assist job seekers and don’t miss the Free Informative Employment Forum

• Free Seminar: By Dept of Labour, NZ Immigration Service • Settlement Resources: Kiwi Ora, Migrant Services • Community Services • English, Chinese & Filipino Migrant News - free!

welcome migrants, refugees, international students, overseas visitors, homestay families

Columns

I rather enjoyed last week’s comic issue of the Nexus. A few people have already commented to me ‘how can that be – there was no Killing Time last week’. Right you are - apparently my comic strips were too shitty even for the Nexus. Yargh; some glaringly obvious proof that I wasn’t gifted with an artistic side, an artistic atom, or an artistic anything else for that matter. Oh well, I’ll get over the pain…in time.

Hospo Workers Welcome. In this week’s edition we discussion the hordes of underpaid and overworked people in the hospitality industry, known as “hospo workers.”

Seems like lunch time recitals are the ‘in thing’ at the moment, so here’s

Now by hospo we are not referring to those who have slaved away at

another in the series. Something to soothe those frayed nerves as the midsemester assignment deadlines rapidly approach. Does anyone else feel like a deer staring into oncoming headlights?

Wintec’s Avalon Campus for a certificate in catering and work as trained food preparation workers and chefs. We mean the unappreciated people working for very little pay solely for the pleasure of having some retard complain that their still water isn’t still enough and it should be rectified because “The Customer is Always Right.”

Date: Wednesday 16 August 2006 Time: 1:00 PM - 1:50 PM Location: Gallagher Concert Chamber Cost: Suggested donation of around $5.

Apparently, the University of Waikato has a cello octet; and here I was thinking there weren’t even eight cellos in NZ, let alone eight cellists in our little neck of the woods. A friend of mine has recently bought a cello, he should be ‘rosining up his bow’ as we speak. That just keeps sounding funnier. He accidentally bought a purple music stand no so long ago too (hahaha).

The performance is rumored to include music by Vivaldi, Villa Lobos, Popper, Elgar and others. I’ve never heard that many cellos in one spot before, so it should be pretty interesting. I’m guessing the suggested donation will help to pay the chiropractor’s bill for the poor roadie.

There’s also a seminar regarding the V8 Supercars - 2008 in Hamilton…

Date: Thursday 17 August 2006 Time: 7:30 PM - 9:00 PM Location: The Chapel, University of Waikato

Nevertheless most hospo workers can be identified by the large black marks under their eyes – frustration marks from being forced to deal with complete retards. Whilst most customers are polite, normal people, a few have the annoying tendency to think they are ‘better’ than the underpaid service person in front of them.

One striking example is the middle-aged couple. The male slaves away at some awful office job whilst the female is a housewife whose teenaged children are running amok. It is in this powerlessness (at work and at home) that the middle-aged couple, spurred on by several glasses of cheap wine, attempt to exert power over the people they are being politely served by, asking ridiculous and arrogant questions like “I’m in a hurry, can I go straight to the front of the line?” Such comments are usually met with a blank stare and a calm shriek of ‘NO!’

Teaching recess kicks off on the 21st of August. If you’re short on inspiration, here’s a nifty little site that I stumbled upon recently that might provide some ideas www.stuff2do.co.nz.

Dealing with such people can lead the hospo worker to develop an attitude where he or she no longer cares … about anything. Often this leads to the hospo worker developing a scathing sense of humour based on mocking both others and themselves. They may even write a column for Nexus.

Anything that sports a Willie Wonka quote has got to be a reputable source of reliable information. That’s my dash for now; enjoy your holidays and good luck with any assessments you’ve got lined up.

Hospo workers – fed up, frustrated and near breaking-point. Our advice is to avoid pissing them off unless you want a severe bitching session on how much they hate their jobs and the customers they serve.

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

Not sure what is on the agenda for this one, but more stuff on the projected circuit, cost-benefit analysis, and other planning paraphernalia are pretty much guaranteed.

The gluttons for punishment involved are generally students - Uni students, Wintec students, and secondary school students. Nevertheless, hospo workers come in all different shapes and sizes. One remarkable example is the giant brown man and the petite feminine-looking white guy working at the sandwich delicatessen on the southern end of Victoria Street, who put up with constant abuse from the drunkards they are paid poorly to serve at two o’clock on a Sunday morning.

33

Columns

iShit I’d like to start by sending a big “Fuck You” to Apple computers. I hope you all rot in hell, you money grabbing wankers. Ok, Maybe I’m a little angry but I don’t doubt that there are many people out there with broken iPods who are with me. It’s hard to look around at Uni these days and not see someone with an iPod. They are everywhere. But for every 3 or 4 people you see with an iPod, there is one person who doesn’t have one because theirs is in a broken heap at home.

What can I say? We all got duped. We got the wool pulled over our eyes.

Lots of us wanted one. They were so appealing, so slim, so attractive.

They could fit in your pocket and didn’t require batteries. They were great. But, like so many slags seen weekly in the clubs, they were better on the surface than they really were. Beneath that gleaming, shiny exterior lay a barely functioning heap of silicon that would ultimately be nothing more than a massive disappointment.

The story of my iPod has been one sorry saga. After having it freeze on me countless times and restoring factory settings (which wipes all your songs so you have to reload all of them again) about 6 times, I was still frequently getting that ‘sad face’ icon that is almost as annoying as that idiotic paper clip on Word. So I finally gave in and took it in to be serviced under my warranty. I was told to call back in two weeks and it would be ready to pick up. Five weeks later, it arrives, having not been touched because of a tiny dent in the casing, which was, according to Apple, a sign of “significant user abuse”. The moral of the story is that the “totally portable, take-anywhere music device” should be kept in bubble wrap, and not be removed from the box in case it should get a scratch and thereby make it void of warranty.

Ahoy. Apparently this is the polyamory edition of Nexus, which pretty much makes it home turf for Vitamin C. So in the theme of ‘fucking lots of people’, I’ve decided to share the love.

For a start, I’ve received a little feedback here and there from you pathetic little plebs. Most of it was near unintelligible praise, here is my favourite of the lot: “hay splt decision u gys r soo funy u crak me up lol u shld rite abt how gay emos r lolz p’s out xx tracy” [sic] Yep, another of our fine BA students. As for writing about how gay emos are, I used to hassle those shitheads all the time, about a year ago, back when it was cool to do so. Apparently now it’s the thing to do, kind of like how the hot doctor had a morphine addiction before she worked at the prison, and then she ODs and kills herself after helping the brothers escape in Prison Break. (Spoiler Warning).

Here you go Tracy: The next emo I see with cut wrists is going to get a free demonstration on how to kill themselves and/or get attention from their 15 year old girlfriend. Here’s a hint, it doesn’t involve crossing the street or going down the highway - just the jugular. Lincoln was framed for Terence Steadman’s murder because his father betrayed the company.

Oh and the other thing, last week was the comic edition of Nexus, and only like 5 people did comics! Or even comix. I spent a couple of hours on mine. I hope everyone reading this chokes. Speaking of choking, the other feedback I get is people who didn’t appreciate the spoilers. It seems there are a lot of Prison Break fans out there. Here’s a few:

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

“You fucking assclown what are you doing Giving away the ending to

34

The sad thing is I know I’m not alone. Lots of people have had their iPod break down on them. A common problem is a battery that only lasts a year before going flat and needing replacement. Can you imagine the wrath that Nokia would feel if they made a cell phone that had a battery that only lasted a year before needing replacing?

So well done Apple. You got me. Or, more accurately, you got my money.

But if this column persuades one person not to buy an iPod, then I’ve done my job.

Prison break. You saved ur own ass by not putting any details. Jeff” [sic] Who would have guessed that in PRISON BREAK, the main characters BREAK OUT OF PRISON? Eat my shit, Jeff.

“The vice president kills the president and takes over the presidency.

Also T-bag cuts John Abruzzi’s throat, but he comes back later and chops of T-bags arm with an axe.”

Gotcha.

As for applications to replace Medium Salsa, I only received one and to be honest, the nude picture was far from tasteful – isn’t that right, ‘Sarah’? Don’t think I don’t recognize the Student Village bedroom wall in the background either, sweetie. Call me sometime. So keep those applications coming, remember that number is 0276992022.

And don’t forget: Michael gets his shoulder burned and loses a complex part of his tattoo, so he manages to get admitted into the psych ward so he can get to the crazy guy who drew all his tattoos.

Columns

This week I pay tribute to one of the greatest cars ever made. It’s not the Lamborghini Diablo, not the Dodge Viper, nor the Ferrari Enzo. No, it is the humble Toyota Corolla.

‘Violence’

The ‘rolla has brought good times to all, there’s no question about it. Everybody knows someone who has or has had a Corolla in some shape or form, and there’s a good reason behind it - Corollas are sweet.

They’re pretty much invincible, you can drive them into the ground and they’ll still come back for more. Plus the attitude is completely different with them - rather than being aggressive to everyone like you

“An eye for an eye ends up making the whole world blind.”

Mahatma Gandhi

would with a decked out Lancer, you just have fun. You can do things like follow your mate through a car park and give him a tap in the rear quarter, spin him out. You’ll both be laughing, unless you made him hit something (but you try to avoid that). But if you did that in or to someone in a phat ride, you’d be forking out the dough to get it fixed.

they don’t believe in. It’s odd isn’t it, as children it’s not okay for us to use violence, we were taught that, we all know that, but for some reason it’s okay for countries to use it

This obviously only applies to the old Corollas. New Corollas are just big bubbles, and they’re no fun. The real Corollas are those which have 13” or 14” rims without hubcaps and with large profile tyres, mismatching colours where panels have been replaced, and more dents than kms.

There’s nothing better than being able to not worry about your car, like you could arrive home and just rake up the handbrake, let the car slide to a stop. Who cares if you’re parked sideways in the driveway - it doesn’t matter. If you knocked the green-bin over when you did it, it’s great to think you’d be more concerned that there might be rubbish on the ground rather than if you scratched your car.

There are other options such as Mazda 323s, Mitsi Sigmas and Ford Lasers, and they’re perfectly good choices, it just depends what you’re into, they all do the same job. As long as they’re warrantable, you can do whatever you want with them, from driving into gates to lighting them

The word ‘violence’ comes ultimately from Latin, violentia, meaning “vehemence” and “impetuosity”, but was likely borrowed via Old French. Similar words can be found in other Romance languages such as Spanish, Italian and Portuguese. It would appear that ‘violence’ was borrowed into English around 1300 in what is still, over 700 years later, its current form. Given that the word has been in English for over 700 years one would expect that it would have changed its meaning, however, surprisingly, it has not. The first cited quote in the Oxford English Dictionary for the word is dated circa 1290, and uses ‘violence’ in the sense of “the exercise of physical force so as to inflict injury on, or cause damage to, persons or property”. Oddly enough, it also appears that ‘violence’, while it has been applied to different concepts, has never actually had a different meaning.

So, now that you know a little about the origins of ‘violence’, let us consider the modern meanings of the word. I am not sure how you perceive the word, and naturally everyone’s interpretation differs, but I find that the word has very close ties to concepts such as ‘war’, and ‘human rights,’ or perhaps a lack thereof. For many people, ‘violence’ seems to be closely associated with negative images and ideas: the war in Iraq, fighting in East Timor, the two World Wars, and landmines, to name but a few examples.

Now, you may have noticed that I often write about the negative things which are happening in the world. “Why?” you ask. Because we hear about all the terrible things going on in the world on the news, or read about them in the paper, we talk about the violence in Israel or Sudan, but do we really understand? New Zealand is a fortunate country, and we have things a lot better than millions (probably billions)

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up in the car park. These are the sort of things you just can’t do in a later model car, and they’re available in these old gems. You can see someone in their flash 2006 Nissan Primera rub the curb, and think “Well, what if that was an old Corolla”. Because if it was a Corolla, they could just drive it right up the curb and laugh. But the Primera chump might just scuff it, and he’s just going to be plain embarrassed.

There’s nothing cool about that.

It’s the paradox we have all grown up with. We are told “violence doesn’t solve anything”, yet around us countries are declaring war on each other, people are fighting, innocent people are dying for a cause

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Columns underground and fringe, and, as I believe, because it is the hatred of the mainstream and middle class and a feeling of not really belonging to/ agreeing with current society that has led most of the people there, it attracts an inordinate number of freaks.

A few pop to mind. Most of whom I saw last Monday.

Part 3 Goth culture can be pretty cliquey, and although every one is very friendly and accepting of new people, they don’t tolerate people spoiling their illusion.

Thus dress codes are heavily enforced at the door. This also prevents the factor of drunken idiots from other nightclubs spilling in to get a look at all the “freaks”.

Also, if you misbehave there is a type of crude justice system – for example if you are getting too drunk and making a fool of yourself, doing drugs, starting

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a fight or seducing someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend, you will find yourself frozen out of all conversations and, on occasion, have people hiss at you behind your back until you stand outside the club crying , waiting for your friends to give you a ride home. I observed this happen to a girl once who apparently had tried to steal some girl’s boyfriend away.

Another factor is what I call the “freak factor” Because the scene is so

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The Ball - a girl who is a 3 and a half ft high midget who is nearly as round as she is tall.

One Armed Deb - a pretty good looking girl with a little nubbin for an arm which she uses to hold her hand bag. She introduces herself as One armed Deb. Zilla - a guy with a very square head curly black hair that sticks straight up from his head like an eraser from a pencil and he is always wearing the same brown suit , and the back of the suit always has a HUGE amount of animal hair on it.

There is also another guy called Hook. He is a midget as well and he has a hook for a hand. And on last count there were three of what I call “giants”, mostly women who are about 6 foot 6 and weigh probably 140 kg. Their boyfriends are usually tall and pencil thin.

It’s an interesting scene.

Columns

Burton pretends he’s other Nexus writers Part 1: Citric

John Cougar Mellencamp Words and Music

Where has all the Metal gone? Well, on the 4th of August it came out of suburbia and Night Visions descended upon Catalyst. Present were Salient, Blacktooth, Carnage and Metal Tower. What a night we had.

Salient played an excellent set, followed by the always cool Blacktooth, complete with Pantera cover. Carnage followed with Beavis’s cool metal voice filtering out to the street (check out www.carnage.net.

Reviewed by Macca

nz). Sadly I was a little disappointed that numbers watching Metal Tower were lower than they deserved. Metal Tower kicked serious ass. Despite not being an Opeth fan I was still impressed by the cover they did, and was also impressed by the Death cover. For those who like their Metal loud, technical and spikey… they were the business.

At 2.45am we packed up to let the ravers have their fill of party pills and glow sticks (the guy flapping his arms like a bird really freaked me out! He was like Kermit the frog on steroids, and I know I’m being a hypocrite here). Comments were made by Catalyst staff that this was the first proper gig they had hosted in six or seven years, and the busiest the bar had been in recent times (my guess was about 70 people). So to all those who attended, thanks for being part of this historic event!

The after party was really cool. I think I left at about 7am the next day.

Beer was drunk, food consumed, and various things were burned.

Cheers to the Carnage and Blacktooth crews for the beer and food!

Big thanks to WSU for the event grant, Catalyst, Chuganaut for the sound equipment, the guys from Salient, Blacktooth, Carnage and Metal Tower, particularly Beavis. Also a big thank you again to all of you for supporting Night Visions and local heavy metal! Some proceeds have gone to band projects, with some left over to fund another event, so look out for those. Also look out for a better report and hopefully photos in a clubs page in a later Nexus.

Stay Bogan \m/

Old Johnny made his first music back in ‘76 with an album titled Chestnut Street Incident which didn’t reach the charts at all. He released a few more albums with moderate success but it wasn’t until American Fool that he really hit the jackpot. The album reached number one on the Billboard 200 and the singles ‘Jack and Diane’ and ‘Hurt So Good’ reached number one and two respectively on the US Hot 100. The following album releases yielded many hits, most of which are on the album of the week, Words and Music.

‘Pink Houses’ is a great song, in which he celebrates the American way of life. He sings of idealistic things like vacationing in the Gulf of Mexico, listening to rock ‘n’ roll stations, and women (rightfully) cleaning in the kitchen. I have a feeling only about 50% of people would agree with that last point. Another easy listener on there is the up-tempo ‘Cherry Bomb’. This song is an experience in itself, with a catchy beat and an interesting mix of harmonica and violin which creates a sound like no other. As for what Cherry Bomb is, well…it’s a club! True story.

My favourite song of the lot has to be ‘Hurt So Good’. Even though it has an extremely below par video clip, the song commands respect. It’s one of those timeless classics which can be played in many situations, including parties, road trips, at the gym, weddings and funerals. There are many other great songs on this album; some of note are the ‘Authority Song’, ‘Small Town’, ‘Check It Out’, ‘R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.’ and ‘Lonely Old Night’. Keeping in mind that John Cougar is no Lynyrd Skynyrd, I’ll give his Words and Music compilation an 8.7/10.

Competition We here at Classic Rock would like to know what you all think are the best classic rock songs ever. So, each week from now until the end of semester we’ll be asking you to submit your choice. A prize winner will be picked each week, and the Top Ten list printed in the final issue. And congratulations to Geoffrey Churchill for winning last week’s prize. Come on people, give him some competition.

Email cjw37@waikato.co.nz by midday Tuesday to be in to win.

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Wanna join Hamilton’s Heavy Metal club Night Visions? Email me at boganology@yahoo.co.nz. We’re hoping to organise a group to go to Fear Factory/DevilDriver on September 13th. Also if you wanna buy a Metal Day Out shirt they’re still available so email; as some of the proceeds from sales go towards the club.

After unsuccessfully trying to convince C.J. that ABBA is classic rock, I did manage to convince him to let me write on John Cougar Mellencamp. I figure this is fair enough as Hauraki plays a fair bit of his music.

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ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006 Activities

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Comix

Hamilton,Where it’s Happening

“Dig In”

By Gary Teko

By M. Emery ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

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Reviews

Books Where’s Wallis?

Brian Thacker ALLEN & UNWIN

Reviewed by Brie Jessen

This Book Will Save Your Life

Ian Whitelaw

Reviewed by Michelle Coursey

A.M. Homes ALLEN & UNWIN

Just like the great explorers of the past, Brian Thacker is setting out on an adventure.

He knows where he’s

ALLEN & UNWIN

headed and how to get there and – well, that’s really about it! In a day and age where guidebooks are readily available on almost every country in the world, and information can be accessed at the press of a button via the internet, Thacker has gone old school. He’s chosen five rather unusual (and remote) destinations; São Tomé and Príncipe; Togo; Benin; Wallis and Futuna; and Kyrgyzstan.

Haven’t heard of them? Neither had Brian Thacker.

if you want to Win Friends and Influence People then you might want to start with those table manners!

Habitus Disgustica is a comprehensive guide to the most annoying and just plain disgusting behaviour of other people. For quick reference the book is divided into useful categories such as ‘Involuntary Actions’ and ‘Chewing, Biting and Picking’, with each habit/ behaviour given a ‘yuck factor’ rating out of five (misuse of cutlery scored a mere 2/5). Useful in theory, but tiresome in practice.

to a life that he has stripped of all life. A rich stockbroker, Richard has cut back on relationships – his closest friend is his housekeeper, and his only visitors are a personal trainer, interior decorator and a nutritionist.

This book had great potential to be witty, if not outright funny. Somehow Whitelaw has missed the mark. Classic opportunities for scatological humour are passed over in favour of a Miss

LA is a strange, shifting, sprawling city in this book, and offers ample opportunities for confrontation and discovery. Homes delights in detailing the messiness of life; she introduces the

Manners approach. I prefer the book closed.

Not only is the cover design interesting, but it conceals some fairly average illustrations and awkward prose. The author manages to capture the readers’ interest at odd moments with musings on cross-cultural and historically specific (mis)understandings. Otherwise it is just another opportunity to see the words ‘zit’ and ‘pubic lice’ in print.

needs of others, the awkwardness of experiences, and the rollercoaster of emotion into her main character’s life slowly, disrupting the solitude that he had created for himself.

Where’s Wallis? follows Thacker’s adventures from the middle of French-speaking Africa, where he meets the King of Togoville and spends the night in a hotel perched on stilts in the middle of a lake. On to two remote Pacific Islands somewhere between New Zealand and Hawaii, where he spends a night on a tiny island inhabited only by pigs (the former (human) residents were eaten by cannibals 100 or so years ago). And finally we follow him as he stays in a yurt and goes eagle hunting in Eastern Europe.

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Habitus Disgustica: The Complete Handbook of Annoying, Rude and Unpleasant Behaviour

Where’s Wallis? is a light and entertaining read.

I’m not big on comedy, but I have to admit I did find myself laughing aloud at some points.

However, overall I felt the book was fairly average on the humour stakes. It is well written and provides a very real account of what I can only imagine travelling without a guidebook must be like. While it didn’t inspire me to grab my passport and head off overseas, it was definitely worth taking the time to read, and provided a pleasant, if not satisfying, escape from reality.

Reviewed by Jeff Rule Move over Dale Carnegie:

Read this book if… you have a penchant for etiquette or grubby flatmates

In Richard Novak’s world donuts, movie stars and natural disasters all give hope and meaning

However, a health crisis, combined with a large hole opening up in his LA backyard, throws Richard violently back into the world of the living.

Homes’ novel follows his re-awakening as a human being; observing with an ironical eye as he forms relationships with people, figures out where he figures in the world, and learns how to enjoy a donut again.

Confusing and surreal, this book could never work on a literal level (where horses get trapped in sinkholes and movie stars fly in helicopters to rescue said horse), but it is poignant in its representations of second chances, the kindness of strangers, and the pleasures of feeling life in all its highs and lows. Homes is an extraordinary writer, who somehow manages to treat such weighty issues with an earnestness and humour that avoids being cheesy.

READ IT IF…You want an excuse to eat donuts at 5am in the morning to discover your inner self

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Food & Drink

Food Show 3-6 August Greenlane Events centre Reviewed by Kayla Charteris Just imagine three huge halls, lined wall-to-wall with stalls advertising everything from cheese to muesli bars, with stalls of alcohol weaved in between. Sound pretty good to you? Sorry to tell you but you’ve already missed out on this year’s Food Show. If you ever get the chance in the future to go, I really recommend you do, but make sure you have a designated driver. The great thing about this alleged show is that you get to walk

around, eat until you have to unbutton the top button of your pants, and drink until the crowd of people becomes one long blurred stream. The predominant alcohol showcased is wine. However there are a few breweries, and the odd spirit. The great thing is not only can you sample until your hearts content (or you can no longer walk) but if you find something you like, you can purchase it at a really good price. I guess it is called the Food

Show because if you pay extra, you can actually watch culinary wonders, to see how to prepare food as opposed to eating it. Another great thing about the Food Show is all the samples you can take home, which is great if you’re a poor student and don’t have any money to spend on food for the week. Overall, I would rate this year’s Food Show an 8/10.

Restaurants

By Hazazel

FOOD OF THE WEEK

Lady Chatterly’s Restaurant This week we visited the salaciously named Lady Chatterley’s Restaurant, at the Kingsgate Hotel in Te Rapa (Garnett Ave). It was a very quiet night we were the only ones there for much of the time!

We were warned the meals might be late, as the chefs were preparing for a function, but we found everything to be perfectly timed. The service was friendly and attentive, and the decor is warm and inviting.

Determined to leave room for dessert, I resisted the entrees, and began with breads and dips. This was a nice twist on the standard - a herb butter, an infused oil and a tasty spread for the dips, and a garlic pita and two fresh crisp crusted rolls for the bread. Fantastic! Sam chose the Monteiths Wild Food Challenge options for both entree and mains. The entree was ‘A Hop, Skip and Roo’ - Desert scorched riberry crusted carpaccio of kangaroo (thinly sliced rare meat - tender and tasty), dingo kidneys (roast baby beetroot actually) & opal salad (pasta) with gum leaf oil (couldn’t taste this... probably just as well),

By P. Meryll

Quinoa

(Pronounced keen-wa)

Quinoa is a nondescript-looking grain, but

Quinoa is easy to prepare, being similar to rice or cous cous, and can be used in the same ways. It can also make a healthy breakfast food, although I’d probably chuck some dried apricots, apple and cinnamon in to liven it up a bit. So, grab your saucepan, chuck in a 2-1 ratio of water to quinoa and you’re away. Simmer it until the water is absorbed and then eat. It’s slightly crunchy but pleasant enough.

I got my quinoa from Village Organics in Frankton (an excellent shop) but it should be available at various health shops.

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matched with Celtic beer.

Sam’s main was ‘The Barking Mad Ocker’ - Paperbark smoked barramundi fillet (tender and delicate, subtly flavoured), lazing on a honeycomb woodear coral reef (woodear and honeycomb fungus - really unusual texture and a lingering earthy flavour) with rainforest potato grubs (gnocchi, actually), matched with Radler. My mains was a Moroccan free range chicken breast (beautiful - not overly spiced), with prune chutney (a great match for the chicken), broccolini, and more potato gnocchi (mmmm gnocchi...starchy goodness).

Sam chose the most unusual option for dessert: a Baked Alaska bombe - mint ice cream on a soft biscuity base, covered in fluffy meringue, surrounded by a green licorice sauce. Odd, but tongue tingling! I had an orange creme brulee, which was a firm orange flavoured custard topped with a toffee lattice rather than a grilled sugar crust, accompanied by and orange salad and a biscotti. Not what I expected from a creme brulee, but rich and delicious.

Hotel restaurants sometimes seem to take advantage of the fact that they have a captive audience in their guests, but we didn’t get that impression here. The meals are a little on the pricey side, but they are unusual and high quality.

inside those retiring kernels beats the heart of a superfood. It’s highly nutritious, and back in its South American days was known as the ‘mother grain’ due to its high protein content: 16.2 per cent compared with 14 per cent for wheat, 7.5 per cent for rice and 8-15 per cent of tofu. It also contains a pile of nutrients and minerals, and a balanced set of essential amino acids for humans, making it an unusually complete foodstuff. This means it takes less quinoa protein to meet one’s needs than wheat protein. It is also gluten free, digestible, and a good source of dietary fiber, phosphorus, magnesium and iron. And astronauts eat it.

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There My Dear Dimmer FMR

By M. Emery A new Slayer Album, Christ Illusion, is out now. A wise man once said, don’t trust anyone who doesn’t listen to Slayer. He also used to drink urine in public.

One of Hamilton’s most commercially successful bands 48May have been busy working on their follow up to The Mad Love. Folks who have heard the new material say it is a bit of a departure from their signature American pop punk sound with more intricacies, a touch of ska with a dash of scat (oooh!) coated in a slight metallic tinge. I really don’t know what that all means but I’m sure it will have them riding the New Zealand music charts just like Shane rode Peter North in Shane’s World Vol. 1.

A good excuse to sell your body for money is the up-coming Simian Lines/Black Tooth show at The Castle on the 26th August. This show will also feature other bands that cannot be named yet and is being held to commemorate the opening of a tattoo palour that also cannot be named yet. Simian Lines shows are frequently cancelled so don’t hold your breath, but if this does all come to pass I am sure you will be satisfied by their aural delicacies. Blacktooth are an evil metal band. They are also real swell guys.

Frequent Hamilton visitors Die!Die!Die! have been living and playing in New York for the last while and their latest fan is none other than David Bowie Esquire who recently demanded their back catalogue. Hopefully this will lead to a collaboration and they will elevate Mr. Bowie to new heights of sonic terrorism.

International Punk bands are lining up to play New Zealand with Madball, Peter and the Test Tube Babies, The Anti-Nowhere League all confirmed for dates later this year.

The Mint Chicks new album Crazy?Yes!Dumb?No! is out August 28, mastered by legend Howie Weinberg in New York. From their site I gather we can expect soft crooning, more Beach Boys, less Locust and shiny pop anthems.

For fans of lilting, smart countryish pop music I fully recommend Anji Sami’s first release, The El Dorado EP. Anji and her conspirators have concocted a slice of passionate music in the depths of chilly Dunedin that you can enjoy in our warmer climate here. Anji has been winning fans throughout New Zealand with her smart and whimsical songs, passionate acoustic sets and tales of everyday life. Although new a relative newcomer to the New Zealand music scene she has performed with some of new Zealand’s leading songwriters Anika Moa, Gramsci’s Paul Mclaney and most recently singing live with David Kilgour’s Heavy Eights. For more info visit: www.myspace.com/anjisami

Reviewed by Shane Dudfield Shayne Carter’s third album under the moniker of Dimmer (because let’s face it, it’s really a one-man band) marks a return back in the direction of the late-Straitjacket Fits era, which I admit came as an unexpected, but much welcomed change after cringing at the prospect of being bored by another dose of languid wah-wah rhythms a la 2004’s You’ve got to hear the music. There My Dear on the other hand, makes an acceptable compromise, unafraid to deliver lashings of cynical rock onto a backdrop of finely textured atmospheric soundscapes.

While you’d expect the eclectic littering of local luminaries contributing on this album (ranging from Anika Moa and Bic Runga to members of HDU, Elemeno P and The Brunettes) to perhaps concoct an unbalanced sound (especially considering the bulk of the album was recorded live at the Grey Lynn Bowls Club of all places!), the end result is still firmly driven

by Carter’s brooding treatment of avant-garde pop. Dimmer’s willingness to grow, along with an obvious nod to the D.I.Y. experimentation of Flying Nun, adds virility to the sound and makes for a very palatable album. It’s probably the best album to come out of a bowling club yet!

Define The Great Line Underoath Reviewed by Ben 2006 sees another polished release from American Emotional Metalcore band Underoath. Underoath could be considered a gateway band (excuse the religious pun) opening ears towards their more angular label-mates such as Norma Jean and The Chariot. This is certainly one of the more commercial releases from the primarily metalcore Solid State Records, featuring somewhat conventional song structures and time signatures.

On the downside, from a pop perspective, I thought the whole album seemed void of strong memorable hooks. I also found the album one dimensional in terms of devices to create tension and energy. I would have liked some more sonic exploration akin to the likes of Botch and early Isis.

Standout tracks include ‘In Regards To Myself’, one of the catchier yet more violent tracks and ‘Everyone Looks So Good From Here’ which is sure to get even my Grandma slam dancing.

If you’re into the lighter side of metalcore, with pop sensibilities, similar to bands like From Autumn To Ashes and Every Time I Die, then you’ll probably really enjoy the album. If you find the idea of listening to Christian metalcore with no violent time signature changes or crunching breakdowns completely redundant, then perhaps give this one a miss and pray for 7 Angels 7 Plagues to reform.

Downfall Directed by: Oliver Hirschbiegel Actors: Bruno Ganz, Alexandra Maria Lara, Corinna Harfouch, Ulrich Matthes, Juliane Köhler

This is a war movie from the point of view of the side that is going to lose, or in other words, a tragedy. I thought the deal with this film was that it was going to humanise Adolf Hitler, in much the same way that Star Wars episodes one to three humanised Darth Vader.

But the Hitler you see here is just a wee, old, twitchy man gone quite mad. At once so revered and, when he has another red-faced tantrum, childlike. It is reminiscent of the caricature of Kim Jong-Il in Team America, though very convincing nevertheless. It must be hard to play Hitler, unless you’re that fine actor Mel Gibson.

April 1945, the Red Army is moving on Berlin and the last remnants of the German force. On the streets, some are still fighting like it matters, and constant artillery fire is a lifespan-determining lottery happening every 10 seconds. The higher-ups in the army, having congregated in this central city, are now facing imminent capture and defeat. Suicide is going around like a diarrhoea-causing tract virus. The sensible ones are getting drunk at brothels.

Any invading force, army of the Allies though it may be, is an imposing alien swarm for the locals. World War 2 has been made light of before: from Hogan’s Heroes to the really lovely Life is Beautiful. This isn’t funny in the least except for rare instances of “festival humour” (Hitler to his secretary: “I make a lot of mistakes when I dictate”), but it does something similar for the healing process. It allows acknowledgement, or understanding, that the war, though maybe they started it, was really very horrible for the Germans too.

Michael Franti and Spearhead Live in Sydney

So the first song is really lively and I’m quite enjoying it. The music isn’t just groovy but what you might call Groove, or maybe Dub or Roots or any combination of those. Or maybe none. There is a bass and a couple guitars and there is a guy for the usual set of drums and a Percussionist who handles what looks like bongos, or tom-toms, or conga drums, or a combination or none of the above. There is a keyboardist. The vocals are handled by Michael Franti himself, and the songs do not always require singing but are sometimes delivered as more a melodious spoken word. There is a man assigned to the task of beatboxing, and his parents named him Radio Active, which must make it hard for him to fit into the group because it is obvious Michael Franti at the very least is a great big hippie.

He sings about his bare feet. He has dreads and likes (and calls it) ganja. He has a disregard for English grammar, exposed in his hooks that run “what I be, is what I be”. He sings about nature, peace and love. He tells the audience he will show them something beautiful, then starts dancing, and it is a dance filled with joy and wiggly motions. There was a great bit where he got a girl up on stage and they danced together; Michael Franti is very good at leading. There was a weird bit where he got a girl on stage and they sang a duet, though her singing proved it wasn’t set up beforehand.

The crowd has its arms in the air the whole set, whether they are clapping or swaying their pink stalks from side-to-side depends on what Franti told them to do. The whole show has what you’d call a ‘good vibe’. If music DVDs were vegetables, this one’s organic.

Reviews & Previews

Rialto

By Leigh McGeady

Check

Bonjour mon petit croissants! The Telecom 29th International Film Festival is finally upon us! It begins Thursday 17th August and is set to be a good’n. Students get a discount on tickets WITH their student ID – you guys pay $10.50 before 5pm weekdays and $11.00 after 5pm and all weekend which is better than paying the hefty $14 that ‘normal’ adults pay! So you have no excuse to catch at least one quality film in the 18 day period the festival is on! But you’d be hard pressed to choose just one.

Our opening night film is The Wind that Shakes the Barley which won cinema’s most prestigious award, the Cannes Palme d’Or, and was awarded

this year to a veteran of that Festival, and of this one too: the great stalwart British social realist, Ken Loach. A provocative drama set in Ireland’s County Cork between 1920 and 1922; that dangerous period that saw the signing of the Anglo-Irish treaty in December 1921 and the outbreak of civil war soon afterwards. It stars a favourite of ours at Rialto Cillian Murphy (Breakfast on Pluto). It shows only once again in the fest on Sat 19th at 8.15pm.

Other ‘not-to-miss’ films’ showing this week in the festival firstly include An Inconvenient Truth a brilliantly straightforward – and devastating – film on global warming and which stands out as exceptionally well-honed and persuasive. It also signals the return of Al Gore, who has been far from idle in the years since the 2000 US presidential election was awarded to George W. Bush.

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Another not-to-miss would be The Passenger that was mysteriously withheld from circulation by its owner and star Jack Nicholson after its release in 1975. Michelangelo Antonioni’s brilliant hybrid of Hollywood thriller and existential mystery has nonetheless continued to grow in reputation. This long-awaited restoration, which includes seven minutes cut by MGM in 1975, vindicates the legend. Nicholson plays a world-weary reporter who swaps passports in a Sahara hotel with a dead adventurer, meets a mysterious woman (Last Tango’s Maria Schneider) and is plunged out of his depth into a violent world of political intrigue.

Some more festival highlights Selected by Nexus staff

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Get the booklet for more details and go see some films, it’s a great time to do so. Students get in cheap, didja see that?

One complaint to festival organisers though – why did Hamilton miss out on Science of Sleep? It’s Michel Gondry, guys! It better come back on general release.

The Host Here’s one of the token Asian films they let in for the Hamilton film fest -- ‘The Host’ is a scary monster movie type but with some strange and unconvential changes to the “horror” genre. It mixes in political critique and comedy as well as the frights to give you what sounds like a very schizophrenic kind of movie experience. I’m

Thirdly Wah-Wah would be worth the watch.

This film is directed by actor Richard E. Grant who has made a touching and funny movie-memoir of his 60s adolescence amongst the British diplomatic community in Swaziland in Southern Africa. A great cast full of some of Britain’s greats.

Now get in quick because tickets are selling fast for opening night and did I mention that though the film begins at 8.15pm if you arrive at approximately 7.30 there would be drinks and light food in our foyer? How does that grab ya?

Please feel free to come up and get a film festival brochure from us so you can check to see when these and more films are playing. Until next week, see you at the movies!

intrigued by this -- the description of the monster having a “lotus-like mouth” continues to pique my interest too. If you enjoy your Asian cinema then it might be worth your while to check this one out.

A Scanner Darkly There once was a science-fiction author called Phillip K. Dick that wrote a book called “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?”. This is in fact one of my most favourite sci-fi books and subsequently was turned into the fantastic “Blade Runner” (which was based off the book, not a word-for-word adaptation). “A Scanner Darkly” is an adaptation of the PKD book with the same name and stars actors such as Keanu Reeves, Robert Downey Jr, Winona Ryder and

Reviews & Previews Woody Harrelson to name a few. It’s directed by Richard Linklater and the whole movie has been

China Blue

“rotoscoped” (which means they trace over the filmed sequences to give it an illustrated look) by graphic artists so not only will the story and acting be fantastic, the presentation is surely something you would have never have seen in movie of this size yet.

China Blue is about sweatshops, or more specifically, a 14 year old who works in a Chinese garment factory. Director Micha Peled, whose Store Wars featured at the Festival in 2002, continues his information campaign against America’s massive Wal-Mart chain by taking a very close look at who is manufacturing their jeans.

“It’s everything we already know about sweatshop labor but prefer not to think about… But the sweetness of Jasmine’s friendships, her basic human longings for family and a better life – not to mention her diary musings about attaining kung fu powers and turning abusive factory managers into stone – made the film surprisingly intimate. Toward the end of the film, Jasmine ponders why the people she’s making the jeans

Metal: A Headbanger’s Journey One for Burton C Bogan and friends perhaps, Metal: A Headbanger’s Journey is a bighearted tour of metal through the ages in all its glory.

Music includes Metallica, Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, Slayer, Slipknot. The directors travel around and interview fans, legendary performers, and even a raft of critics, musicologists and sociologists who – doubtless to the horror of all who were parents of teenagers during the 1980s

Not a light watch, but probably a moving one.

A SCANNER DARKLY

skateboarding from a fun pursuit into a full-blown national phenomenon.

Thank You For Smoking With: Aaron Eckhart, Maria Bello, Cameron Bright, Adam Brody, Sam Elliott, Katie Holmes, David Koechner, Rob Lowe, William H. Macy, Robert Duvall, Connie Ray, Kim Dickens, J.K. Simmons, Todd Louiso.

– attest to Metal’s legitimacy and importance as both a cultural and musical phenomenon.

“The soundtrack, as might be expected, kicks ass.” — Ken Eisner, Variety

Looks interesting. According to the blurb, ‘this gleefully cynical satire blows the whistle on ‘untruthiness’, the black art of the 21st-century spin-doctor.’

for are so fat, and she smuggles a letter to them into a pair of jeans. So check your pockets and check your heads.” — Jyllian Gunther and Kevin Greer, AlterNet

No More Heroes

“You’ll have to stretch back to 1997’s ultracynical Wag the Dog to find a sociopolitical satire as vituperative and downright exhilarating.”

— Joshua Rothkopf, Time Out.

And of course you can’t go past the local stuff: • Homegrown: Works on Video • Homegrown: Works on Film • Homegrown: Love and Other Catastrophes Pop in and see a varied sample of NZ’s film talent.

danger story, this totally contemporary rendition is replete with everything that is childishly cool from the music to the dialogue to anthropomorphised animal characters. There’s plenty for adults to snigger at too, with porcine policemen who are constantly eating and a chipmunk who can’t have coffee without becoming an incomprehensible speed freak. The animation’s not that crash hot in terms of effects but the constant pace overcomes that and although the story is relatively simple, I didn’t find myself thinking what I was going to have for lunch. The children in the room were all absorbed enough not to start eating loudly, hitting each other or start crying. This is no mean feat when it comes to children’s movies and for once I could watch something that fits nicely into the category ‘family entertainment’ without being

bombarded with in-film snack food endorsements, shonky cultural representations, franchised toy figure references, unwarranted and nightmare inducing violence or boringly inane excuses for a plot. It’s hard to find something I would take a five year old to without wondering if I’ve traumatised them for life and that they’ll come back and sue me for incompetence as soon as they turn eighteen, but I think that this time I might’ve managed it.

And while we’re dedicating films, here’s one for those noisy guys that rattle around outside on skateboards on Thursday nights. No More Heroes is a loving and bittersweet tribute to the asphalt desperadoes of Aotearoa in the 70s who took

Films Hoodwinked VILLAGE CINEMAS

Review by Joe Citizen

A nice take on what was essentially a stranger

A surprisingly well-written children’s film, that’s light on the brain but not mind numbingly banal.

For those of you who go and see it, my favourite’s the granny – she’s my new hero.

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We’re still in the middle of children’s movie season and to celebrate that I decided to watch this animated retelling of ‘Little Red Riding Hood.’

Not enough to make a full 90 minutes surely, but prove me wrong, how far off the beaten track can you go with that timeless classic? Pretty far as it turns out – there’s a thief in town who’s been stealing everyone’s goodie recipes and ‘Red,’ the grandmother, the wolf and the axeman are all not as they first appear. The story gets turned inside out each time its retold during the criminal investigation, from each character’s perspective and with the best of cartoon silliness the far-flung explanations are all cunningly rewoven to account for all discrepancies.

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Random Stuff

By The Panther Tip# 90: Well I don’t know about you (because I’ve probably never met you and if I have I was just pretending to listen to you until it was my turn to talk again, I’m just so fucking interesting) but I watch a lot of T.V. and about half of the time it’s on (the other half I just stare at my own reflection, I’m more entertaining than prime time television) but that’s not going to pump you up is it, you skinny bastard. All you have to do is (man these fucking brackets make it hard to get the point of the tip it’s so annoying…yeah, there really isn’t a tip for this one, it was just a vehicle to use this gay bracket joke).

Tip#27.5: Remember tip# 27? Well, now it’s back and it’s slightly more efficient. With the latest advent in cosmetic surgery seeing fat from the buttocks used to plump the lips (it’s true, I’m a scientist), I thought why not use the same technology to cosmetically enhance the muscles of my patients AKA. World of Warcraft addicts. But where, you ask, do you get massive amounts of arse fat? Well I snuck onto the set of a rap video and attached one end of my siphoning hose to a few hoes and the other to my afflicted WoW gamers. I guess it’s just like the old saying goes - one man’s arse fat is another man’s muscle.

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Opal Nera Recipe Winners

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Joleen Perrywinkle:

Danielle:

Liquorice Toblerone

Voodoo Child

30ml Kahlua 30ml Baileys

1 part Midori liqueur 1 part Opal Nera

30ml Franjelico 30ml Opal Nera 5ml Honey Chocolate sauce One scoop of vanilla ice cream

1 part Baileys 1 part coffee liqueur 1 part cream

Swirl chocolate sauce in large Collins glass to create a swirled effect. Blend all ingredients with some ice and pour into glass.

Garnish with some chocolate shavings.

Delicious drink with just a hint of liquorice flavourings...

Try trim milk for a healthier alternative. Yum!

Layer Midori liqueur on Opal Nera in a glass. Shake the rest with ice and strain over liqueurs. Garnish with black and green jelly babies on a skewer. Or if you don’t like skewering small children and just want something to help you procrastinate before an exam, try an Opal sling. 1 shot Opal Nera and a 3/4 shot of lime juice shaken with ice, then topped up with coke, deliciously simple.

ISSUE 18 / 14 AUGUST 2006

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