issue 18 2011

AUGUST 15TH 2011 CULTURE

18

YANKUS CAMPUS

She’s not a werewolf, but she is American, and she’s not in Paris, but she is in Hamilton. It’s like a movie.

TOP TEN!

Sam Hurley gives us ten of the best in a new column. This week, Murray Mexted goes bananas

SPARK IT UP CUZ

Get high on culture, with your essential guide to the Spark Festival and all that jazz!

LETTUCE

A weekly parade of your hatemail, lovingly deposited in our inboxes.

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THE

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CONTENTS 4 6-7

EDITORIAL

8

THE NEWS!

9

TOP TEN!

10

HAIKU NEWS

11

SPORTS THOUGHTS

12

LEFT VS. RIGHT

14-18

22

25

WSU PAGES

19

THE MAGIC 8-BALL

20

PUZZLES

21-23

ENTERTAINMENT

24-29

FEATURES

30-36

COLUMNS AND REVIEWS

39

34

LETTUCE

11

36

BUSTED

28 3

EDITORIAL

WITH ART

This week’s nexus is about culture, with a particular focus on the arts.

AUGUST 15TH 2011 CULTURE

18

Credits:

One of the University of Waikato’s graduates (and the most handsome librarian there is) went to ComiCon in San Diego to show his Star Wars fan-film. He won awards. We have his tale within these pages.

The 33rd Hamilton Film Festival and the SPARK festival are coming to Hamilton and I think you shouldn’t miss out. They’re a great time, they cost crap all and you don’t even have to travel very far. I think we should all make an effort to support local events like this, if not for our own benefit, then for the benefit of future students who come to Hamilton, go to our university and (hopefully) have things to do.

EDITOR: Art Robinson (editor@nexusmag.co.nz) DESIGN: David Nixon (design@nexusmag.co.nz) ADVERTISING: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) NEWS EDITOR: James Manning (news@nexusmag.co.nz) FILM EDITOR: Richard Swainson (films@nexusmag.co.nz) BOOKS EDITOR: Kevin Pryor (books@nexusmag.co.nz)

Next year, it’s highly likely that a piece of legislation will be in force which means that, when you join a university, you are not automatically a member of the student union there. Some people call it freedom and perhaps, to them, it is. At the moment, your membership to the union is paid for under your student loan, so you probably didn’t even know you were a member.

GAMES EDITORS: Sash Nixon (games@nexusmag.co.nz) DESIGN INTERN: Debby Yeung

Contributors Sam the Heretic, Luke Elliott, Ben Woolen, Scott Granville, Dirty Old Chair Leg, Shannon Rolfe, Judy’s Sweet Legs, Dr Richard Swainson, Owen Hinton, Honest Matt, Kylie Zinsli, Jess Edmonds-Saunders, Danielle Wall, Mrs. Matthews, Jade Carey, Josh Cooper, Daniel Farrell, Esther Coker,

I think you should become a member of the Waikato Students’ Union in 2012.

For the past few years, it has sat at around $100 per year. It may seem a little steep, especially if you’re 18, are out of home for the first time and have learned the amount of beer/wine you can buy for that much money. Having to pay it at the start of the year, along with flat bonds and other one off expenses, might make things a little tighter, especially if you don’t have a part time job. Having said this, however, I have no idea what memebrship fees will look like next year.

Lauren KB, Mandy Suess-Ryan, Rawinia Judson, Caitlin Hayns, Aaron.Letcher, Kate Cogswell, Ayman Kysten,

The cost isn’t what I’m talking about though.

Burton C. Bogan, and Campbell “Ultimate Warrior” Weal.

ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS

Just like the film festivals, arts festivals, guest speakers and other who come to this city, which need your support, so do student unions. You’ll be asked, at the start of next year, to make a choice. That choice will be to part with some of your money, so that events like sausages on the Green, buses to and from town during O-Week, helping local, student-orientated music events (such as Soundscape, which 4000 people found amazing) and much more. As this year continues, you will see even more events, as the WSU new Events team gets the wind in their sale and their sabres

PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS,

rattling.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

Or at least, we think we are.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION

THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. WE THINK THAT THESE LITTLE JOKES AREN’T READ BY ANYONE BUT US. AND THAT PERVY GUY IN MY BIO LAB.

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL ads@nexusmag.co.nz

With your membership, the WSU can grow stronger and give its members a voice on the national stage. With your membership, future generations of students who come to the University of Waikato will have a Nexus Magazine every Monday. You might not like our staff, the jokes we tell in the magazine, the stories we cover or don’t cover, but after me and the current writers there’ll be someone else, and then someone after them.

OR call 07 838 4653

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT:

The events the WSU throws are, just like Spark and the Film Fetival, are part of your cultural experience of university here at Waikato.

Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588

Support your union. Not just for yourself and your time on campus, but for future students. The WSU can only be strong if you get involved and tell them what you want.

That opportunity has arisen. Hit the Nexus facebook page this week for more details.

EMAIL: editor@nexusmag.co.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

-Art

THE BEAUTY OF HAMILTON WITH LUKE Whitiora Bridge – 26/7/11 Have you ever stopped to think about the city’s bridges? They’re vital to the functioning of our city, but we often pay them no attention. This photo is of Whitiora Bridge, which is the second-youngest (being built in the late 70s). It’s relatively unassuming when you’re on it, apart from the fact that, as my flatmate says, it’s “on the piss” – it has a slight tilt to it. From below though, you can see it’s actually a very impressive viaduct. Imposing, yet elegant. By the way, this picture was taken from one of the city’s riverside walks (just North of Hamilton Parade), and these will feature in the next issue of this column!

There are 6 other bridges in Hamilton; the northern-most is a pedestrian bridge connecting Flagstaff and Pukete. Then there’s the newest, Pukete Bridge, built in the 80s/90s, which is currently being widened to 4 lanes (which will make it the largest, stealing Whitiora’s title). Next, Fairfield Bridge, was built in the 30s, and at the time was the second in the city. It amuses me how Fairfield was built in just 3 years, but Pukete took 11. Does that include the time it took to build the roads to it, or should I just not be trusting Wikipedia? Wait, I don’t mean that.

get close to the action!

I’m totally such a nerd that I don’t need to look these things up as I write this…

Anyway, after that is Whitiora, then Claudelands. This was built in the 1870s (yea, you’ll remember that and worry a little next time you’re on it), as a rail bridge. Works in the 60s lowered the rail line, and converted the upper section to a traffic bridge. The ‘Bridge St Bridge’ (actually called Victoria Bridge) is from the 1910s, and replaced the earlier Union Bridge, which was the city’s first. Last is Cobham Bridge, from the 60s. Whoever built this should be glad I can’t find any more information on it, or they would get a slap for the idiotic angle it’s built on.

11 Sept 2011 www.thegreatrace.co.nz

That’s enough history. The point is, our city’s bridges are very important, and also architecturally quite impressive. To see more of them, plus photos from last week’s column, go to: hamiltonphotos.tumblr.com

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Enough is Enough!

Lettuce You Win. Soooooooo Cute!

Write to Win! SEND LETTERS TO: Send your letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

WEEKLY PRIZE: This week there is a prize! Brett from UniMart is kindly offering a $20 voucher to the writter of our letter of the week. Come to the Nexus office in the Student Union Building to collect your prize!

Dear the girl with the pink laptop, that I often see in the library.

You have a nice smile. your smile lights up my day.

Your smile amazes me. your smile makes me smile. please keep smiling :) From the boy in the corner with the boring black laptop.

PS, are you single?

Come pick up your $20 UniMart voucher at the Nexus office in the WSU Building.

Gay Friendly Faith Hey nexus readers!

Interested in exploring spirituality in an inclusive, respectful environment?

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Word count is limited to 250 words and we will enforce this as we please.

We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to

A small group of us on campus have been discussing starting a weekly conversational group called ‘Open Spirituality’. We’re hoping this group would be an inclusive, open, hospitable, engaging group, where we can meet, share and grow together.

you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be). Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

being today.

Co-facilitated by myself, a third-year undergraduate student, and the university Chaplin, Sue Burns, this group would meet around the common interest of discussing life, spiritually and what it means to be a spiritual

Bring your varied faiths, worldviews, and backgrounds. This is an opportunity to come and speak, listen and explore what it means to live a fulfilling life.

Inter-faith and queer friendly. Starts 12.15pm, September 6th (first Tuesday back after the semester break) From Murray

Dear Nexus, I love that you are informative about different religions, I grew up with a religious background so I value the morals, lessons, sense of belonging and purpose religion can provide. I love learning about other religions in an open and accepting way, knowledge is power and leads to understanding of different world views.

HOWEVER, I hate reading all of these useless contributions by bored, over-opinionated individuals who believe that a thousand year old debate can be solved in our humble Nexus.

Please…

Don’t try to push your religion on those who don’t want it and stop trying to outdo each other in some half-ass holy war. No one else gives a flaming fuck. It is actually possible that religions can co-exist peacefully if you would just let it.

Let’s talk about something else on this page.

There are more important going on in the world around us to get fired up about. Save your energy in writing some lame ‘comeback’ at me and rally for a real cause. No one is saying your beliefs are wrong or inferior – lighten up!

Enough Already

Huxley Lives!

Dear readership, After much thought and deliberation I have decided to draw to your attention the fact that media today depicts us all to be victims. In times of adversity, we need not treat ourselves as victims, instead we should find adversity as a means of developing character and finding new innovations to improve our quality of life.

I had once believed I had experienced an earthquake, an experience which at the time I had thought to be rather harrowing, however upon further investigation, I discovered that the source of the “tremor” I had experienced during the middle of the night was in fact the result of my father obtaining a free sample of viagra from his physician and being unable to make use of

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A

$20 VOUCHER FROM UNIMART

CONVENIENCE STORE HERE ON CAMPUS

FOOD, DRINKS, SNACKS AND DAILY ESSENTIALS ALL IN ONE FRIENDLY LOCATION 6

said sample with my mother, so instead relieved his tensions with a copy of Playboy magazine from the 70s that he’d found outside a recycling station.

you into a corner because they can’t control what goes into their mouths. (Luckily, airlines have smartened up and will now make these overgrown marshmallows buy an extra seat.)

With food and power prices increasing exponentially, I decided to forego paying my power bills and boycotted my local supermarket.

As an alternative, I purchased a crossbow and hunting knife, pursuing local mice, birds and the occasional cat as a source of protein and mowing my neighbours lawn late at night with my teeth as a source of greens. One night I encountered my neighbour whilst mowing their lawn with my teeth, and being busy making lawnmower noises I failed to make out the exact words he said to me, but I can only imagine it was an expression of immense gratitude. I made a fur coat from the skins of my prey which

These are the deadbeat doorknobs that go broke by spending ridiculous amounts of cash for products and solutions that offer instant quick fixes, yet never deliver.

helps keep me warm, and find my late night hunting activites keep me sufficiently warm during winter months. It has also decreased costs for members of my local community as they no longer have ongoing food and vet costs for their pets. I have also attempted to run my car on human faeces, though presently the only result from my experiments is a foul odour being constantly emitted from my car, a benefit of this is that my car gets broken into far less often. After failing to make repayments on the loan which enabled me to purchase my car, the debt collectors refused to collect my car, allowing me further time to repay my debt. As you can see, everyone is a winner here.

Some losers are smart enough to realize they are a burden on society, so they go and join a gym. But they are still losers because they end up quitting a few months later, only to have a dent in their wallet and the same amount of fat on their ass. But here’s the point I’m trying to make: You’re not a loser just because of the state you are in now. What’s done is done, living in the past will not change the future. No, you’re a loser because you CONTINUE to be weak, lazy and out of shape. You know you need to do something, but you just sit there and jerk off to another episode of Glee so that you can talk to your other loser class mates about it the next morning. Shameful.

Yours sincerely, Horace Huxley.

Get off yo lazy ass and do somthing before you die a premature death of diabetes and or high cholesterol.

Get Out Fatty!

Dear Out Of Shape Loser, You should be ashamed of yourself. Why? Because you’re a disgrace to the unlimited potential of the human body, that’s why! Anyone who repeatedly struggles to get in great, headsnapping shape should be completely ashamed of themselves.

These are the people who take up too much space in a single seat on a plane – squishing

These are the people who lack the ability to enjoy the outdoors because they are Weak Ass Chumps and too out of shape to move.

These are the same people that try and sue McDonalds for making them fat instead of looking in the mirror and blaming the pathetic loser staring back at them.

First Past the Post - FPP - is bullshit. The prime example of this is the 1981 election. National got 38% of the vote, Labour 39%, and Social Credit 20%. However, because of the way FPP works, National got 47 seats (and thus became the government), Labour 43, and Social Credit 2. Yes, 2. If that doesn’t make you go WTF?!, you clearly have issues. Now go ahead FPP advocates, write in and tell my why I’m wrong in saying that’s not fair.

You won’t convince me; there is no argument.

A fair electoral system is one in which the nationwide vote is reflected in seats in Parliament. MPP stands for Mixed Member Proportional. Proportional is the key there seats are given in proportion to votes (yes, that’s simplifying, but I have a word limit here!).

Obviously, that’s fair. Now, one argument people make against MMP is that it isn’t fair that people get into Parliament on the list. And I accept that argument has validity (even though I still like MMP).

However, MMP isn’t the only proportional system out there. On offer at the referendum will be STV - Single Transferable Vote. This is also a proportional system (the only one besides MMP we’re being asked to look at Supplimentary Member is ‘semi proportional’.

Read: ‘a half-arsed excuse’). STV eliminates the list aspect to elections, but retains proportionality, because electorates have more than one MP. For example, the 3 most popular candiates might be elected, and the electorate’s views are therefore well represented. Like I said, word limit. Look up how it works for yourself if you want, but trust me when I say STV is MUCH fairer than FPP.

Scuba Steve.

FPP is Bullshit!

Dear Nexus.

Last week’s lettuce from ‘On the Fence’ raised the point that instead of the never-ending debate on atheism/religion that consumes us, we should examine the upcoming electoral system referendum. Since Deni also mentioned it in Prez Sez, I guess now is a perfect time to write in with my opinion on this.

So, if you don’t like MMP, but you still want a fair system, vote STV at the referendum.

There. Debate started.

Sincerly, Luke.

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THE NEWS!

BY JAMES MANNING, BEAST OF BOURBON

DATES WITH THE WSU

Tired and frustrated with the WSU? Want to make a difference on Campus? Well stamp your feet and praise the lord! It’s Annual General Meeting time!

The Annual General Meeting will be held on Wednesday 21st September at an undisclosed venue. Students are encouraged to submit pressing matters for consideration at the Meeting to the WSU by 4.30pm on Friday 19th August (next Friday). If you possess leadership, personal, time management and creative skills, perhaps a spot on the WSU Board is a place for you! The election for the Waikato Students’ Union 2012 Board of Directors will be conducted from Monday 3rd to Wednesday 5th October. The nominations for all 11 positions will open on Monday 15th August and will close at 4.30pm on Friday 9th September 2011.

Each position caters to different sectors within the University: Mature Students, GBLT Students, Sport and Recreation, Women’s Issues, Environment, Disabilities, International Students, Campaigns, Halls of Residence and Men’s Issues. Those considering standing for election need to grab an information pack from the WSU prior to submitting a nomination. And if that wasn’t enough, here’s a full list of dates to look out for in the next few weeks: • Consultations with members and stakeholders – 3rd to 19th August • First notification of AGM and call for General Business items – 15th August • Nominations for election to 2012 Board open – 15th August • Nominations close - 9th September • Campaigning starts – 12th September • AGM – 21st September • Speeches – 28th September • Election – 3rd, 4th, 5th October • Official results - 7th October • Results published in Nexus – 10th October

David Bennett MP

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING Last Thursday the Copyright (Infringing File Sharing) Amendment Act took effect in monitoring file sharing activities for pirates everywhere.

The law does not come into effect until September 1st, but copyright owners have since Thursday begun collecting data that could contribute to the first of three strikes.

Under the new law, copyright owners can send evidence of alleged infringements to internet service providers (ISP’s), which would then send up to three infringement notices to the internet account holder.

If the warnings are ignored, the copyright owner can take a claim to the Copyright Tribunal, who can then charge up to $15,000 against the account holder.

SPARK FESTIVAL The 2011 Spark International Festival of Media, Arts and Design is held this Monday-Friday at Wintec. Now in its 13th year, the Spark Festival is an international celebration of contemporary arts, media and design for those in and around the creative industries.

Each year it features lectures and workshops presented by world-class artists, writers, musicians, designers, media experts and filmmakers.

This year’s speakers include Daniel Gosling of Black Box Boutique and Stolen Girlfriends Club fame, UK Graphic Artist Sarah Maxey and Lead Designer for Vice Magazine Australia Ben Thomson.

If this sounds like a bit of you, check out the Spark Festival Feature for more details!

M P for h aM i l t on e a s t

Phone: 07 834 3407 Email: davidbennett@xtra.co.nz www.davidbennett.co.nz

www.national.org.nz

Nominations are now open for the Teaching Excellence Awards for 2011.

Visit www.waikato.ac.nz/hrm/nomination for more details and to complete a nomination form.

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0800 WAIKATO www.waikato.ac.nz

MUCISIANS WANTED! The Waikato Students’ Union wants you to have some money and all we ask in return is for you to do what you love!

TOP 10 MURRAY MEXTED QUOTES With the All Blacks first Bledisloe Cup test in Auckland last weekend and the Rugby World Cup beginning in September we pay tribute to one of New Zealand’s finest ever rugby commentators, Murray Mexted. Here are some of his finest and most memorable calls.

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If you want to play some tunes, contact Dave Garden, WSU Events Manager, at events@wsu.org.nz

“It’s all tied up at 14-13”

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“And he kicks it with his left-handed foot”

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“Andy Ellis - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago”

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“There’s nothing that a tight forward likes more than a loosie right up his backside”

6

“Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.”

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“Murray can you hear me?....Murray can you hear me?”

Murray: “No.”

4

“The lineouts of course are a great artform, I’ve always fantasized about lineouts, even in my sleep sometimes...”

3

“Well it still does it for me, the tingle up the spine, the tingle in the loins”

2

“I don’t like this new law, because your first instinct when you see a man on the ground is to go down on him”

1

We want musicians and singers to come and play around the campus, to help make your university experience that little bit more delightful!

“Paul Tito looked like a blind man in a brothel, just left groping.”

My friend needs help!

Ruby’s friend Debbie has asked her to act as a guarantor for a car Debbie wants to buy. Should Ruby do this?

If Debbie defaults on her loan, then Ruby is liable for the loan plus interest and there is no way out. The guarantor is legally liable for the debt. Do not act as a guarantor for anybody even family.

The Hamilton Area Citizens Advice Bureau provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria St (MonFri 9am-5pm), 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am-4.30pm), Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm) and the Cowshed at the University (Tues-Thurs 1-3pm). They also have legal, advocacy and consumer services available where you can get more specialised help.

Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB) or look at the CAB website www.cab.org.nz

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SHORT NEWS

FOR TALL PEOPLE

BY KATE COGSWELL, BANDIT QUEEN

ALL DAY I DREAM ABOUT SAVINGS

STUDENTS TOO LAZY FOR JOBS

Adidas All Blacks replica jerseys are out of reach for the average New Zealander, retailing at a toosteep-for- students $220. Bargain hunters can get their hands on it for a winning $104 including postage from worldrugbyshop.com. Adidas had shut down shipping to New Zealand, claiming that the smaller retail market demands a higher price although official Rugby world Cup jerseys are made in Thailand and the

Student Job Search on campus is closing its doors simply because students prefer to job hunt online. Drop in centres across the country will shut up shop but SJS claim that their online service and call centre will be improved. Employers are unsure as to how the lack of a local recruitment centre will affect them. If you preferred visiting the smooth operators

non-tournament version in China where workers are paid as little as 60 cents an hour. Adidas has since allowed the sites to resume postage to NZ due to public pressure and possibly Daniel Farrell.

at the branch well, sorry mate you’re shit out of luck. Just keep your fingers crossed they’re improving the hold music too.

Haiku News

LET’S START A RIOT! WHY NOT? Londoners began rioting last week supposedly sparked by the police shooting of a man, though they claimed he shot first. Racism and police brutality are a huge issue in Britain, contributing to the tense relationship between marginalized communities and the police. With youth unemployment at 20%, a massive wage gap and increasing consumer society, they have every reason to riot.

Yet it seems they’re doing it for none. Organised by BlackBerry messaging riots have spread across the country so everyone can join in the fun. Can all the PM’s horses and all the PM’s men put this sad country together again?

MELVILLE MAN MAULED: MUM? In the early hours of Thursday morning a 19 year old man awoke to a nasty surprise. Still drunk, it is unclear whether this was his personal view but his mother was certainly horrified to find a 40 year old naked woman in her son’s bed. As the cougar viciously attempted to remove the poor boy’s clothes, his mother heard noises and went to check things out. Sure mum saved the day this time but maybe you should consider moving out of home should you choose to bring a woman home in future.

By Musashi

“Twilight” werewolf arrested in Arizona Starring in shit film A criminal does not make.

Drugs, however, do.

Petrol drops below $2 a litre A rising dollar?

Weakened refined fuel prices?

Can fill up at last.

Adidas cans All Blacks party No-one buys jerseys: No money, no alcohol.

Who would attend that?

Te Papa manager avoids assault conviction “A guilty verdict Hampers overseas travel!”

So… if rich, beat spouse?

Star Wars coins not a purchasing force Valuable coins Legal tender in Niue Two bucks cost hundreds.

Measles outbreak sparks immunisation rush Measles on the rise!

“But, but, Jenny McCarthy…!”

You prefer dead kids?

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BRAWL FIRST, ASK QUESTIONS LATER (IF YOU’RE STILL CONSCIOUS)

SPORTS THOUGHTS

Here was I thinking the stereotype of Wellingtonians being a bunch of poofter, arty weirdos was pretty much set in stone.

WITH C.BALL

However, recent events have led me to believe we may have been wrong. Wellingtonians are hardcore. Take for instance recent events of 2011 in the capital, which have culminated in a recent club football match being called off after a 10 minute full on melee broke out in the second half.

Three players were sent off after the brawl, but the game was soon called off completely after the referee was pushed in the back, in turn causing him to break a nail and smudge his mascara.

Considering the match was being played between North Wellington Varsity and the Stokes Valley Killer Bees, I’d imagine the Varsity team should be pretty chuffed with not getting murdered. I still can’t even believe the Killer Bees play soccer.

What the fuck.

It all started when Varsity player Eddie Ram warned a Killer Bee for a malicious challenge.

Bad decision. While he didn’t get knifed and dumped in the harbour, minutes later Ram was hit in a mid air challenge by the same guy, which resulted in the Killer Bee then dropping Ram and proceeding to punch him on the ground. As per usual, the ref ruined the spectacle and sent both players off, before any other players could come running in with handbags and their stiletto heels.

Then came the push, and the referee called the game off. While I understand this doesn’t seem like enough of an altercation to sway the poofter, arty weirdo stereotype, the event was just one in a number of recent sporting brawls the Wellington region has experienced. A number of unsavoury incidents have been reported this year, including fighting, spitting, and the worst of all travesties and Nexus Magazine’s favourite: foul and obscene language. Uh oh, call the game off RIGHT THIS INSTANT. If you ignore the foul language complaints, the other incidents are actually pretty badass. A referee was punched in the face after he red carded a player for head-butting an opponent.

This guy sounds like a loose cannon. Put him in the Warriors, ASAP! The head-butting theme continues with another player being suspended for seven weeks after performing the most manly of all actions, even though he argued he only ‘mimicked’ it. Possibly my favourite goes to Lower Hutt City goalkeeper Lisa Pahl for knocking out a Waterside Karori player after the girl taunted her with: “are you even a girl?” I assume she woke up minutes later with the answer – ‘possibly, but with a tinge of Jake the Muss’. Finally, a team and player were banned from using the Wakefield Park fields after alcohol was taken onto the premises, and one player had to break the seal, urinating on the artificial turf. I hope it was a sand turf, and someone slipped over in it.

Wellington has definitely stepped up its game, but it’s still far behind many others paving the way.

New Zealanders love watching a good rumble during a sports game, and we’ve seen our fair share of brawls that have taken on an almost infamous status, in turn being uploaded to Youtube. We humans are a clever race. So each example given next, you can search online and enjoy if you are that way inclined. Club rugby in Hamilton gave us the Hautapu v Marist melee, which involved the crowd and one player running in with a plank of wood. Pretty wicked, and the schoolboy rugby brawl between Kelston Boys and Auckland Grammar wasn’t bad either. Understandably, League provides even more quality, with Fa’alogo’s one hitter quitter on Braith Anasta getting a mention not only for the clean blow, but because his team got the penalty too. All I can see are positives there. The winner however, doesn’t go to Sam Harris’ Outback effort, but to Warriors hitmen Monty Betham and Awen Guttenbiel, after they decimated Broncos player Casey Maguire for absolutely no reason, raining down uppercuts and haymakers in excess supply. I can only assume we love fighting in sport so much because some top secret government plane carrying a ‘love for sports fighting’ virus meant to destabilise a foreign power crashed, in turn infecting our country’s drinking water.

Either that or we’re just boof heads?

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A QUICK ONE-TWO:

SHOULD NATIONAL AND LABOUR DEBATE WITH THE MINOR PARTIES IN THE LEAD UP TO THIS YEAR’S ELECTION?

LEFT JAB MISS COGSWELL JUST IN CASE YOU ARE CONFUSED I THINK IT IS VERY, VERY WRONG. In 1996 the people of New Zealand voted for a fairer electoral system.

They fought long and hard for a system that gave them the power back. The majority chose MMP because it gives people of all walks of life representation in Parliament. Under FPP an elected Government had free reign. More often than not it was a reign of terror. Despite National Party Government propaganda, the people overwhelmingly supported a move away from the dictatorial system. For good reason; FPP did not work for the citizens of New Zealand. Yet we are being offered this choice again only 15 years later.

The Mixed Member Proportional system gives a voice to people of all political inclinations. Parliamentary decisions have to be workable for all of New Zealand. The majority agenda must hold up under ‘minor’ party scrutiny and this is the bullet John Key is dodging by refusing a proper debate. He can’t hold his own in the debating chamber.

Despite claims ‘minor’ party leaders will bring nothing more than name-calling, that’s more Key’s style. When it comes to personal attacks and talking around the issues he is king. The National Party does not have any solutions and so just like in 2008, must deface a policy face-off. Phil Goff knows that his party has the politics for a better New Zealand and perhaps this is why he and Helen before him, agreed to enter this farce of a debate.

RIGHT CROSS WITH MR LETCHER Should John Key and Phil Goff debate minor parties? This is an issue I’m split on. On one hand I think that everyone should have an opportunity to get their views across in a public forum side by side with everyone else’s views to enable comparison, but on the other hand I understand that time is limited and the majority of people are sitting in National and Labours camps – more so National, and would rather hear an intense in depth debate between the two.

At the end of the day, do you really want the attention whores of New Zealand politics to have an opportunity to get on TV and throw about their warped policies? I’m taking talking about people like Winston Peters of New Zealand First, and Hone Harawira of the MANA (Maori Activist Needing Attention) Party. Those guys are bigger camera whores than the lovely girls who grace the back page of Nexus courtesy of Snapstar (no offence Shannon, your photography is actually very good). I’m sorry Hone, but I don’t really want to hear you rant on about how hard done by Maori are – again. You’re not. And as for Winston? Not even my grandmother wants to hear his weak shit anymore. His policies are older than the majority of his voters; the man belongs in a museum.

The leader’s debate should be between the two people who could realistically become Prime Minister, John Key and Phil Goff. I know Phil Goff becoming Prime Minister is hardly realistic, but you know what I mean. They are who people want to hear, everyone else is just background noise. The reality is nobody else’s policies really matter

The reality is most people receive their politics on the plate that is this televised debate. It will decide their vote. How then is it fair to exclude the leaders of so-called ‘minor’ parties? It isn’t. It is a way of marginalising them and continuing the FPP ideals of a two-party state. It is influencing the referendum and undermining the validity of ‘minor’ parties in Parliament.

in a big way, because they will never get enough votes to implement them. You can cry all you want Green Party voters, it’s the truth. I’m sure you could save a rainforest, but I doubt your ability to save an economy. I for one don’t give a shit what bull shit policy you drew up in crayon in the back of your caravan while smoking a joint and watching Zeitgeist.

If you believe in fairness, equality and democracy- heck even if you don’t!- vote to retain MMP in the referendum this November. Our livelihood is not worth gambling on the prospect of change. Such reasoning was cited by many in removing Helen Clark from office and look where that has got us. The National vs. Labour struggle and swap is outdated and not getting results. We don’t need a change of electoral system; we need a change of attitudes.

Perhaps Hone should stick to voicing his policies in Marae, Winston to retirement homes and cemetaries, and the greens to caravan parks or the couches of local tinnie houses. At least there people might care what they have to say.

You don’t need to vote for National or Labour for your vote to count.

The ‘minor’ parties matter because every person matters. If you fail to recognise this I fear you do not have a soul.

12

Isn’t Labour a minor Party these days anyway?

13

OFFICIAL NOTICE OF

ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING

Pursuant to rule 9.1 of the constitution of the Waikato Students’ Union Incorporated, notice is hereby given that the Annual General Meeting of members shall be held as follows:

Wednesday 21st September 2011 1 pm Venue To Be Advised Members wishing to have a matter considered for inclusion on the agenda should submit it to the WSU no later than 4.30pm on Friday 19th August 2011.

ELECTION FOR BOARD OF DIRECTORS

Pursuant to rule 17.1 of the constitution of the Waikato Students’ Union Incorporated, an election is to be held for the 2012 Board of Directors. The election will be conducted from Monday 3rd to Wednesday 5th October 2011.

Nominations for all positions will open on Monday 15th August 2011 and close at 4.30pm on Friday 9th September 2011. Any member considering standing for election is urged to obtain an information pack from the WSU prior to submitting their nomination.

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PREZ SEZ

WITH DENI

WAIKATO UNIVERSITY: HOME TO WORLD CLASS LECTURERS Last week Thursday I had the pleasure of being invited by the Minister of Tertiary Education, Hon. Steven Joyce, to attend the National Teaching Excellence Awards at Parliament’s Banquet Hall in Wellington.

The annual event is funded by the Tertiary Education Commission and the awards acknowledge teaching practices that are student-focused and committed to promoting effective learning. They also provide an opportunity for teachers to further their careers and share their good practice with others through involvement with the Academy, of which they gain automatic entry to as a result of being awarded.

It was pleasing to note that two of Waikato’s very own, WMS’s Dr Mary Fitzpatrick and SMPD’s Sandy Morrison were among the 13 winners with the Prime Minister’s Supreme Award, which John Key presented, given to Professor Michael Walker of the University of Auckland.

Sitting there amongst other guests, it was marvelous to see 13 accomplished educators from a variety of backgrounds and from around NZ, being recognized for their commitment to teaching. A common word used in many of their speeches of acknowledgement was the word “passion” – used to signify the pleasure they received from teaching and guiding so many young minds from around the country.

All awardees also thanked all of their students over the years (one awardee estimated that he must have taught about 30,000 students during the length of his teaching career to date) and the influence that the students had on their own learning, and teaching styles.

Sometimes I think us students here at Waikato don’t really appreciate the quality of lecturers and tutors we have teaching us. New Zealanders don’t really put their hands up to be counted when it comes to self-recognition, and many of the successful awardees mentioned that they would not have put their

VP MĀORI SPEAK Tena ano koutou e hoa ma Last week I attended a luncheon with 16 Māori management students who are the proud recipients of Tāwera Scholarship, Te Pūtea Whakatupu Trust – Māori Education Trust, Business/Management Undergraduate Scholarship (a big name for a big scholarship). These amazing students will attend a conference in Rotorua at the end of the month to engage with Māori leaders in Māori business and Māori economy. This inaugural event will provide a pathway for future Māori leaders in business management.

Tama Potaka (General Manger, Corporate Services) from Tainui Group Holdings also caught up with the recipients to discuss questions such as: What is Māori business?

What is Māori economy? Why is this important? And what’s in it for Me? Potaka, also highlighted the latest investments by Tainui Group Holdings which included

hands up for nomination had it not been for the prodding of their colleagues and students.

We do have some world-class lecturers here at the University of Waikato, and students sometimes don’t realize that, I think much to our own detriment. WSU hosted the Vice Chancellor for morning tea last week Wednesday and I raised this same issue with him. I think there is room for improvement for communicating the success of the University’s academic and general staff back to students and for students to have a greater appreciation that in some cases, we are learning from the best in the world.

It’s something to be proud of, something that helps make Waikato unique, and something that each of us here should be striving to be a part of while we have the opportunity to do so.

WITH PRISCILLA

the opening of the new Events Cinema this Thursday at Te Awa, which has provided 1,500 jobs. The next major commercial enterprise will be on the doorsteps of our university with the development of the Ruakura Inland Port which will provide between 8,000-10,000 jobs.

Seminar organiser, Penengaru Delaney will also host another workshop to support the recipients who need to give a 2-3minute presentation at the conference and will be on hand to advise students on Māori enterprise.

“Māori human capital development is a key driving force to the success of our Māori people” Delaney said. Professor Frank Scrimgeour, Dean of WMS was also present to congratulate the recipients, as the University of Waikato gained 16 out of the 30 scholarships. Each scholarship is valued at $10,000 which equates to an enormous total of $160,000 of investment into our Māori students at Management – way to go whanau!!

Priscilla Ngatai Interim Vice-President Māori Waikato Students’ Union 027 2065126 vpmaori@wsu.org.nz Te Puna Tautoko are also hosting a wide range of events for Māori students on campus – so stay tuned for Nexus next week to find out what’s happening. The WSU website now has a Māori students tab under “What do we do” to inform students about events, lectures, seminars, scholarships, etc available, so stay tuned.

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CLUB CORNER: PICTURE LOG WMSSA

WAIKATO MANAGEMENT SCHOOL STUDENTS ASSOCIATION

WMSSA, is a club run for management students by management students.

We aim to help strengthen the bond between students within the Waikato Management School and assist students to develop networks with professional bodies.

Ultimately, we want to help WMS students put their best foot forward into the business world.

WMSSA’s volunteer executive team run events and programmes to help you, the management student, to create your own personal networks.

We organize: - Networking evenings - A student mentoring programme - Guest Speakers We are currently organising another speeddating themed networking evening for the 21st of September. The majority of the professionals who attended last semester’s event (including Deloitte and CIPS NZ) will be there, plus more.

If you’re keen to participate now is the time to express your interest by emailing wmss.assoc@ gmail.com.

WMSSA is currently considering the prospect of having a Management Ball and would like to get your thoughts on it.

1. Would you attend if we organised one?

2. What kind of theme would you like?

3. What would you pay to attend? (With entertainment, food, beverages).

There is a $50 A+ textbook voucher to give away to the person who provides the best feedback, so email us!

If you have any queries, or if you wish to become a member of WMSSA, you can contact us at: wmss.assoc@gmail.com

16

CLUB NOTICES: There are heaps of things happening on or around campus over the next week, so make sure you go along to the events and participate in the culture of the University of Waikato!

The Management Communication Students Association are hosting guest speaker Lisa Finucane on Wednesday 17th August from 1pm-2pm (cultural hour) in S.1.03. Lisa Finucane is currently the Head of Communications and External Relations for the University of Waikato and is a former President of PRINZ, so has a vast knowledge and experience base in the communication field. Food and drink will be provided so come and enjoy some lunch and learn from the best!

For those keen to get away from campus for a bit, come join the Young Nats and the Local MP David Bennett for cheap beers on Sunday the 21st of August upstairs at the Cook pub. Todd McClay the MP for Rotorua will also be making a special appearance for all those wishing to attend. There will be a large bar tab and Beers will be $4 each and there will be plenty of food available. The New Zealand Young Nats are the largest youth political group in the country with over 2000 members in the country, and the club on campus has a mailing list of over 400 members. Even if you are not politically inclined this is just a great opportunity to meet others over a few drinks, and who knows, have a moan at the local MP if you really want! We’re sure David Bennett or Todd would be happy to answer any questions or issues that you may have.

Most of the Young Nats come from management, law or teaching so if any of you first years need any advice at anytime now would be a great time to meet up. We look forward to seeing you all there! Please feel free to email us at David.Mayall@national.org.nz.

The Greens on Campus are hosting an interesting workshop about the Treaty of Waitangi in the twenty-first century, facilitated by Catherine Delahunty, Green MP and former educator for Kotare Trust. Catherine has fifteen years’ experience teaching on te tiriti o Waitangi issues. The workshop will examine the question “what is Te Tiriti o Waitangi in the context of our lives and as an opportunity for justice and peace in our country?” For those interested, the workshop will be held on August 22nd in Guru Phabians (Club Room) in the Student Union Building (where the WSU is!) from 10am to 3pm. This is an amazing opportunity to engage, discuss and learn!

Bring paper, a pen and something to eat :) Finally, WULSA (the Waikato University Law Students’ Association) are busy selling tickets for the Tompkins Wake Ball, which is to be held this Friday at the Atrium in Wintec.

Tickets are available from outside the law reception from 12-2pm each day, or until they sell out. Make sure you get in quick! WULSA is also holding a leaders debate on Wednesday 17 August in S.G.03 at 1pm for those running for the WULSA executive – so if you’re in WULSA and want to meet the candidates, make sure you go along!

The newly formed Waikato Investment Club (WiC) wants to meet you! Have you ever wondered how those Wall Street fat-cats seem to talk such large sums of dosh while sitting behind a monitor in those red suspenders and smoking a crisp Cuban cigar? Well you’re in luck! Cigar and red suspenders aside, The Waikato Investment Club (WiC) is starting up at the University of Waikato! The club is for interested students who wish to get involved in some of the more practical aspects of Finance, such as trading shares. We will also be regularly hosting relevant guest speakers and giving students the opportunity to enter into national and global competitions. We will be aiming to have our first meeting/info session on the first Wednesday after Mid-semester break at 6pm (Room TBC). We aim to be a club that caters for all degrees, majors and interests so keep your eyes and ears peeled in the next couple of weeks for details!

If you would like to contact us with questions, suggestions, or be on our mailer then email Waikato.investment@gmail.com.

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+ Waik ato Unive rs i ty L aw S tu de n ts ’ As s o ci a ti o n

Present:

$80 $75 WULSA Friday 19th August, The Atrium - Wintec, 7PM Tickets on sale from August 4th, outside Law Reception 12-2pm

Prohibition The Tompkins Wake Law Ball 2011 INSTITUTE of PROFESSIONAL LEGAL STUDIES

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With thanks to The Faculty of Law

Less Talk. More Answers!

Will I get my assignments done in time?

Yes. All events and happenings occur in time. This is the nature of the universe. You’ve got from now until the reverse-big-bang hoovers everything back into nothingness to get your assignments done. The only thing holding you back is your own mortality.

If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it, will a hipster buy the soundtrack?

It is unlikely.

Firstly, you have foolishly neglected to state whether Wes Anderson (or maybe even Vincent Gallo) directed this falling tree or not.

However the soundtrack may still be purchased if an apparently invisible Pitchfork reviewer is present at the time of the felling, and gave it 8.8/10.

Do deaf people think in English?

Maybe.

Deaf bros (and broettes) actually think in a complex series of mental images, where they link objects of similar shape, colour and size together in an attempt to make sense of the world through a kind of visual hierarchy. For example, upon viewing a cat, they may recall previously viewing “Dog” and “Rat”, and will then place the cat between them. That is why the sign for “Cat” is “Between Dog and Rat”, or, more accurately “Dog-Rat”. “Student”, meanwhile, is between “Happy child eating sand” and “person in a pit clawing hysterically at the walls while a bucket full of moisturiser is slowly lowered in”.

Why am I doing my degree?

Yes? You are under-cooked, malformed and completely unable to deal with the corrosive winds of the real world. Your arts degree is a futile buffer against the withering forces of reality, which will slowly but surely grind you down to a pair of highly qualified stumps.

If a mathematician has a drunken hookup do they call it a square root?

Yes. They’re very funny, these mathematicians. However it is commonplace for all professions to employ hilarious work-related puns whilst getting balls-deep. “Looks like you’ve got a cavity that needs drilling.”

“I’ve got a package for you. You have to sign for it.” “Ah yeah mate, your breaks are shot”.

Am I really the lizard king?

Yes. As a small slimey bug-eating man that is regularly carried into the house by the cat and then let go and half-heartedly played with until your tail falls off and you die of shock and start to decompose with an oddly understandable fishy smell, it is only fair that you are indeed crowned King of the Lizards.

WITH MADAME KERBSTAR

Taurus: April 21 – May 21

The passing Neptunian vapours interfere dramatically with Taurii this week. And just when you thought you had no more dreams left to be smashed into tiny little irreplaceable pieces. Your jam for the week: The Smiths – Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now.

Gemini: May 22 – June 21 Jupiter does some sort of boog-a-loo across Neptune’s sky this week. This means your hair will look really swell late at night when no one is around and really stink during the day. Your jam for the week: Billy Idol – Dancing With Myself.

Cancer: June 22 – July 23 This week, life as you know it will change. But you won’t notice because you’re fixated on the rear, left ankle of the girl from the Momento who only seems to work once a week. Your jam of the week is: Eddie Money – Take me Home Tonight.

Leo: July 24 – Aug 23 The world is caving in and you are without helmet nor hardhat nor fez. Your jam for the week: Men Without Hats – The Safety Dance.

Virgo: Aug24 – Sep 23 You’re at the end of your tether, and your tether-end is balancing precariously on one of the new fangled library balconies. Your jam for the week: Van Halen – Jump.

Libra: Sep 24 – Oct 23 So he/she’s not perfect. Who is? So he/she smells like he/she has a very specific cheese under his/her toenails. Who doesn’t? Your jam for the week: Oasis – Roll With It.

Scorpio: Oct 24 – Nov 22 Can you be any more pathetic? If you don’t shave every day, don’t act surprised when women don’t want to talk to you. Unless you’re a DJ. They’re so cool right now. But secretly they’re all losers who can’t play real instruments. They can fuck off. Your jam of the week: Baby I Got Your Money - ODB.

Sagittarius: Nov 23 – Dec 21 Those beneath you may undermine you in ways you never thought imaginable, twisting everything you thought you once knew into weird and wacky shapes. Also, you will almost nearly slip on the Village Green. Your jam for the week: Culture Club – Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?

Capricorn: Dec 22 – Jan 20 Everyone you know is talking about you behind your back.

The only way to rectify this situation is to glue a mirror to your forehead so you can tell what those bastards are saying. Your jam of the week: AFI – Beautiful Theives.

Aquarius: Jan 21 – Feb 19 This week you will witness what can only be described as a D-unit.

Your jam for the week: Don Henley – Boys of Summer.

Pisces: Feb 20 – Mar 20 Your life is without meaning. Why are you reading this horoscope?

Shouldn’t you be crying into a soup made from your own blood and vomit? Your jam of the week: Iwrestledabearonce – You Ain’t No Family.

Aries: Mar 21 – Apr 20 This week, be sure to invest in a) egg cartons or b) a gag. Your jam for the week: Crowded House – When You Come.

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DANIEL FARRELL COMMEMORATIVE

Puzzle Page

Brought to you by Mighty Strong Friends of Nexus; Event Cinemas and Frozen Coke Smugglers

So, for this week, I was told the theme to use is “pop culture”. So I thought I would twist it up a little. What I have done here is gone to the Wikipedia category, “French Foreign Legion in popular culture”, and take things from there. Because the French Foreign Legion is a worthy puzzle page topic. That, and it’s 1am right now and I want to sleep. Next week – NO UNI!! Unless you’re like me and your lecturers are dicks and have given you assignments. (just kidding, you guys are awesome, give me As cause I was nice about you in Nexus ;) )

THE BIG BAD wordFIND

the wORDS A MAN CALLED SARGE BEAU GESTE CHINA GATE FOLLOW THAT CAMEL LEGIONNAIRE LE GRAND JEU LES MOR FALOUS LOST IN THE LEGION MARCHORDIE MARCIA O CREPA MOROCCO OUTPOST IN MOROCCO RENEGADES ROUGES’ REGIMENT SCORCHING SANDS TEN TALL MEN THE DESERT SONG THE FLYING DEUCES TIMBUKTU UNDER TWO FLAGS

WHAT TO DO The Furious Puzzle Page

(seriously, it’s pretty darn cross) Brought to you by the strong mind of Event Cinemas, in both Chartwell and Centreplace flavours! Mmmmm, delicious frozen coke!

Be warned, this is the most difficult puzzle page ever!

20

SUDOKU TIME

AUTEUR HOUSE

TALES FROM TINSLETOWN

WITH DR. RICHARD SWAINSON

WITH JADE CAREY

Auteur theory holds that the best film directors effectively repeat themselves, coming back to the same themes over and over again, embellishing ideas and deepening their vision and world view. Woody

It appears Rihanna may be about to be sent to rehab, another celebrity booked into rehab (surprise surprise). I must admit though I’m a bit surprised by this one, I always knew she was a party girl but apparently her friends and family think her binge drinking is getting out of control. According to her friends her boozy antics include, all-day drinking sessions and backstage whisky shots, she’s also been known to have a bottle of tequila with her lunch. The singer commented that “I’m a 23-year-old rock star with no kids! What’s up with everyone wanting me to be a parent?” Sounds like Rihanna just wants to live her life like the young women she is, but with her background this amount of drinking could be enough to push her over the edge.

Allen and Martin Scorsese would be prime contemporary examples.

There’s another type of quality filmmaker that doesn’t fit the pattern.

Some directors like to challenge themselves afresh with each new project, not only choosing a different story and/or genre but a substantially different style as well.

Michael Winterbottom is a case in point. Both prolific and substantially difficult to pin down, Winterbottom’s career to date has seen the British director make everything from quality literary adaptations to quasi-documentaries to self-conscious exercises in on-screen eroticism. A jack of all cinematic trades he can “do” political, musical and comedic, can alternate between earnest tugging at the heart-strings and satirical indifference or between damning indictments of real-life violence and boundary pushing dramatisations of the same thing.

Winterbottom doesn’t pull everything off equally well and is often too clever for his own good. “9 Songs”, his worst feature, an attempt to fashion a narrative out of live music, shots of Antarctica and sequences in which a fictional couple endlessly copulate, is as dull as it is pretentious. Last year’s “The Killer Inside Me”, an adaptation of Jim Thompson’s cult novel, bravely showed Jessica Alba having her pretty face caved in but left a bitter taste in the mouth, unable to reconcile the subjective psychosis of its murderous lead character with the sub-Lynchian, surreal conclusion.

I suspect the Winterbottom films that will age best are his collaborations with the comedian Steve Coogan. Both “24 Hour Party People” and “Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story” are witty and self reflexive, the first the story of the Manchester music scene from the late 1970s until the mid 1990s, the second less a version of the Lawrence Stern novel than an attempt to find a cinematic equivalent to Stern’s literary style. Walking a fine line between indulgent injokes and genuine insight into the subject matter, Winterbottom and Coogan come across as sharp operators. Even when the audience isn’t being directly addressed it is constantly challenged. A third Winterbottom and Coogan collaboration is playing at this year’s International Film Festival. “The Trip” looks to be the funniest yet, a series of dinner table conversations between Coogan and his “Tristam Shandy” co-star Rob Brydon.

Rihanna’s father is an alcoholic which means that Rihanna needs to be careful with her drinking as alcoholism can be hereditary. Psychologist Wendy Moelker told Famous magazine that “children of alcoholics must keep in mind that they have a greater chance to develop alcohol problems. Some studies talk about 50 per cent.” It seems RiRi is not that worried about this, she started drinking young but maintains that she never took it too far. “I’d seen what alcohol and drugs had done to my dad and I wasn’t going to follow in his footsteps. I knew my limits...and I still do,” RiRi told Famous.

According to friends though, the singer doesn’t seem to be taking this seriously. Recently she was seen in Miami spending the day by the pool slugging back straight Tequila, that’s enough to make anyone flinch, but she doesn’t stop there. She also tries to encourage her friends to drink like she does; one insider says that “she’ll spend hundreds [on drinks] in one night and picks up the tab for everyone.”

She even documents her boozy nights to her six million Twitter followers, “I officially lost my liver last night!!!” she tweeted on June 28th.

Rihanna is winning the popularity contest at the moment. She has amassed 41 million Facebook fans, edging ahead of Lady Gaga, but is she really the best role model for her fans anymore. She is spirally so out of control that even her close friend Katy Perry is worried. The 26-year-old singer has been calling her bestie everyday to check up on her and is even considering a more serious approach. She knows how much rehab helped her husband, Russell Brand, so knows it could help RiRi also. Whether or not Rihanna will go to rehab isn’t known, but it appears she is headed in the right direction to get herself thrown in.

21

AT THE MOVIES WITH DR. RICHARD SWAINSON & JOSH COOPER

BILL CUNNINGHAM NEW YORK

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

Is the recipe for happiness doing just one thing well, to the exclusion of all other things? If you take photographer Bill Cunningham at face value it would be easy to assume as much. At age 80 Cunningham continues to do what he’s done pretty much every day since 1978: obsessively take snapshots of both the fashion runways of

“Rise of the Planet of the Apes” is a modern day take on the Planet of the Apes franchise. Like its 1968 counterpart (Planet of the Apes) it sets a crazy benchmark for special effects and costume design.

the world and the street culture of his native New York city.

and now be prepared for the same thing in 2011. Will Rodman (James Franco) is a scientist on the brink of curing Alzheimer’s. He begins testing his cure on apes, only to find that it not only cures Alzheimer’s but also makes the brain far more advanced.

DIRECTED BY RICHARD PRESS

“Bill Cunningham New York” is a documentary that chronicles Cunningham’s life and idiosyncratic work methods as he goes about the task of gathering images for his “New York Times” fashion page.

Though primarily a character study - and Cunningham’s is a character well worth studying - it also offers a fascinating insight into a social milieu of art and journalism, of cultures high and low.

Cunningham is a man utterly without artifice or snobbery. He’s as comfortable at Parisian fashion shows as he is chatting to campy drag queens or hobnobbing with the Big Apple’s high society set.

Respected by one and all for his commitment and personal ethics, he breaks down social boundaries by simply ignoring them.

Ironies abound in Cunningham’s life. A champion of extravagance and imagination in others, his personal style is modest and repetitive and he is indifferent to money. Encouraging toward expressions of sexuality that challenge gender stereotypes, he himself lives an asexual existence that’s gently guided by an undemonstrative Catholic faith.

Working in a field of celebrity and superficiality, Cunningham rejects the cult of the famous and focuses exclusively on the fashion itself.

The filmmakers know enough to hang back and give Cunningham space to strut his stuff. They save the personal, probing questions until the very last, when audience curiosity about what makes the man tick has reached boiling point. It comes as quite a shock when, eventually, Cunningham’s guard comes down and he reveals himself in an unexpected way.

Intelligent use is made of an earlier documentary on Cunningham shot in the 1980s, stressing the consistency in the man’s vision and preoccupations. There are also extensive, sometimes perceptive interviews with his peers and friends. Editta Sherman, one of Cunningham’s fellow residents in the Carnegie Hall apartments where he resided for a half century, is a likely candidate for a documentary herself. Then 96, sporting ridiculous wigs and/or hats of Cunningham’s own design, she is but one of the film’s many pleasures.

-RS 22

DIRECTED BY RUPERT WYATT

In 1968, people had their minds blown by the costumes of the apes

Caesar (an ape) finds his way into Will’s life after an accident at the lab and Will is forced to adopt the baby ape.

The story behind “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” is nothing short of excellent. I was expecting something cheesy that would be masked by the eye rubbing special effects but boy, was I wrong. Some of you may not believe how apes can take on the human race, I know I didn’t. I mean we have guns and they are apes but if you think about it apes are much stronger than us and if they had super brains it would make them unstoppable. I would have liked them to extend the film for a bit longer because I felt like it ended a bit quick but that is the only negative. Not only did they produce crazy good special effects they even pulled at people’s heart strings. You are a successful director when you can make people feel and connect with the computer generated characters and events in the film.

The apes in “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” are the best CGI characters to date. The best thing about the apes are that you think they are all computer made but in fact the main apes are all human actors. These actors have been suited up in state of the art technology to recognize all of their facial expressions, which helps make the Apes look so real.

Caesar is played by Andy Serkis the man behind Gollum and King Kong. He does an extraordinary job as Caesar. Serkis’ performance is achieved by new technology that records every piece of facial movement so he had to act like an ape for the whole film. I can put money on it that we will see a lot more films in the next couple of years making use of this technology.

I think “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” is the best movie I have seen all year and will probably stay that way. It’s defiantly a guy’s film but if you ladies enjoy a good movie go and see this film. It’s a film you want to see on the big screen so get in while you can.

-JC

LOOKING AT NOISES WITH JEREMY MAYALL AND AYMAN ANEECE This combination of hip-hop turntablism and the tradition of orchestral composition can be hard to balance. But in this piece turntable elements cover the range: from the scratchy sounds common in Hip Hop, through to using the turntable melodically to manipulate actual recordings of the orchestral parts. This concerto helps to demonstrate that this “instrument” can interact with real live music played from dots on lines and spaces. This is achieved both by call-and-response section and by interlocking the turntables with orchestral ostinatos.

G. PROKOFIEV – CONCERTO FOR TURNTABLES AND ORCHESTRA HERITAGE ORCHESTRA FEAT. DJ YODA

Turntables and Orchestra. This is a topic that I am quite

familiar with (my first symphony was for the same instrumental combination). I am always interested when I find something like this.

So, after hearing a part of this recording on Concert FM, I purchased a copy to truly get into the inner workings of this musical fusion.

This 2009 recording of “Concerto for Turntables and Orchestra”, composed by Gabriel Prokofiev (grandson of composer Sergei Prokofiev), features the turntable talents of DJ Yoda. It is released on Prokofiev’s own independent recording and promotion label ‘Nonclassical’, and has the four-movement concerto alongside eleven remixes from a number of different producers.

The turntables are mostly utilised as a percussion instrument. They work well that way because hard-edged rhythms are quite natural on them. They are also extremely sonically flexible because the colour is only limited by what you can record. Prokofiev (with input from DJ Yoda) has set out to write classical music with a new instrument – not to just rely on a gimmick. The piece features a range of subtle crossgenre ideas and approaches the combination with humour, depth and imagination. It pays equal respect to both the hip-hop and classical traditions.

The remixes on the album are an interesting addition to the piece, but approach the music from a more ‘popular’ structure and sound world.

It is great to hear the orchestral sounds reworked again – providing a large sound palate for the remixers to work from. The one flaw in this album is the fact that turntablism is a visual performance as much as a musical one. It would have been great to have a video of the performance included so that you can have a greater appreciation of what the DJ is actually doing. -J.M. Needless to say, I was disappointed; it was more than just ‘Imperfect’ it was terrible. I’ve listened to it another 10 times for the purpose of this review and it was still terrible. It does have a few good songs but sadly they could not unshit the shit out of this album.

The song ‘Beatus’ is probably the worst song Tankian has ever been a part of. It sits in the middle of the album and is just awful. The female vocals that repeat “I feel it” sound like a drunk chick singing (flatly) to a bad repetitive doof doof song in the background.. It’s boring and the music itself is so tinny and grating it makes me want to beatus myself to death. If this track wasn’t part of the album I really would’ve been kinder to it.

IMPERFECT HARMONIES SERJ TANKIAN

In 2007 an excited fanboy was sitting outside the mall at 8am anxious to get in to buy Serj Tankian’s ‘Elect the Dead’– he took it out of the box while still in the store and put it into his CD player and listened to it about ten times that day. He went to bed with warmth in his heart, knowing that his childhood hero still had it. In April 2010 he bought ‘Elect the Dead Symphony’ and loved it. Later in September that very year he bought Tankian’s latest album ‘Imperfect Harmonies’. He took it home, listen to it once, and in disbelief he put it at the back his CD shelf so he wouldn’t have to look at it ever again.

‘Yes, It’s Genocide’ is another track that I didn’t get and I hated. It’s boring and repetitive. Tankian talks about the Armenian genocide regularly but this felt so empty and lacking in emotion that I had to go listen to ‘Holy Mountains’ to remember how it was done.

Even though a few songs were good, the album lacked the flow and explosive singles that made ‘Elect the Dead’ the work of art it was. Some songs are good, some average – just nothing as good or enjoyable as his previous works. Overall, ‘Imperfect Harmonies’ is just nothing compared to his past masterpieces, it feels shallower and it really disappointed me. But apparently it’s received glowing reviews so clearly I’m retarded and should trade my brain for a potato because I disagree with mainstream media.

-A.A.

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Hamilton’s 33rd International Film Festival will be starting on the 25th of August. I’ve lost count of the amount of times that I’ve written articles like this promoting past festivals. The sad reality is that few students take the opportunity to sample the best world cinema has to offer during this annual event. Exactly why I’m not entirely sure. Cost is a factor, of course, but there’s always enough money for beer and cigarettes. Shortage of time is another excuse, but this year as in the past, the festival falls during a teaching recess. I’d like to think that the real reason has nothing to do with a lack of interest or intellect within the student body. Is it really necessary to make a case for movies made outside of north America, some of which might be

31 August: “Tabloid” - Errol Morris, the world’s most celebrated documentarian, enjoys himself reconstructing a 1970s scandal in which a beauty pageant winner forcibly seduced a Mormon missionary.

2 September: “The Kid with a Bike” - two time Cannes winners the Dardennes brothers offer another drama about the

in a language other than English, black or white or even - perish the thought - silent?

Get out of your comfort zone, for fuck’s sake.

inarticulate and the powerless in search of love. This time the protagonist is an 11 year old boy.

Right, enough negativity. I suggest that you all make the effort to pick up a Festival programme from either Auteur House or Lido Cinema and be seduced by the dazzling array of celluloid riches described therein. What follows below is my personal selection from the 57 features and untold shorts that are screening over 18 days. You should make your own selections, get up off your arse and see something.

2 September: “The Trip” - British comics Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon play versions of themselves, going on a restaurant tour around the home country, getting drunk and one-upping each other with jokes and impersonations.

Opening Night: Always good for the free booze and nibbles if not the movie itself. “The Guard” sounds like a fun, Irish variation on the buddy cop film, with Brendan Gleeson, everyone’s favourite fat mick.

What’s Gaelic for “we’re too old for this shit”?

26 August: “13 Assassins” - the prolific if inconsistent Japanese maestro Takashi Miike delivers a sword fighting epic set in 1844.

More than one review invokes Kurosawa’s name when discussing this one. That’s good enough for me.

27 August: “Arrietty” - another side of Japanese cinema, that of Studio Ghibli cell animation.

Though not directed by Hayao Miyazaki the master had a hand in its planning and wrote the screenplay, based on the classic British children’s book “The Borrowers”.

30 August: “Happy, Happy” - timely proof that there’s more to Norway than trigger happy neo-Nazis this sex farce about wife-swapping Scandinavians is bound to be easy on the eyes.

3 September: “Meek’s Cutoff” - an alternative, revisionist Western from “Wendy and Lucy” director Kelly Reichardt. The wagon train experience with feminist slant and open ending.

3 September: “Le Havre” - a French comedy from the Finnish master of the dead-pan, Aki Kaurismaki. Minimalist poignancy with a subtle social agenda.

6 September: “Fire in Babylon” - a documentary on the rise of West Indian cricket in 1970s. Manages to somehow omit details about the team’s sulky antics in New Zealand in 1980 but otherwise inspirational.

7 September: “Project Nim”: chimpanzee raised as human. Crazy.

10 September: “Metropolis” - the latest (dare we say last?) restoration of Fritz Lang’s 1927 classic. It might not be the best silent made by the eye-patched Kraut but it’s certainly the most famous.

Closing Night: “Melancholia” - Great Dane Lars Von Trier bounces back from the clitoralsnipping madness of “AntiChrist”, contemplating the end of the world or at least yet another bloody movie wedding scene.

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Kiwis: The Original GCs

By Kay Skittles After a 25 hour plane ride, I arrived in New Zealand. In my travels, I met a nice Kiwi flight attendant, a hospitable Kiwi shuttle driver, and a friendly Kiwi resident assistant; I was sure that no one with the New Zealand

“mates,” your boyfriend and girlfriend your “partner,” (a word generally reserved for a gay partner in America), your classes “papers,” and if you’re in a drunken stupor, consider yourself “pissed, legless, or trollyed”

with the lower drinking age, people drink in moderation.

accent could sound mean even if they tried.

With this mentality, I found myself a bit unprepared for my encounter with the rowdy group of students that took me on my first trip to the grocery store. A mixture of male and female, largely RAs, sat in the University van deeming one of their acquaintances a “fucking good cunt,” or “GC”. I sat in the front passenger’s seat, what would be the driver’s seat in America, staring out of the van window with wide, judgemental eyes.

instead of the alternative schwasted, sloppy, or sauced.

bars because everyone was used to drinking causally, not drinking to get drunk. Wow, was she wrong. I’ve been to a couple bars in America and they cannot hold a candle to the amount of crazy I’ve seen in downtown Hamilton. People getting completely naked in front of the entire crowd at Bar 101, girls in dresses so short that by the end of the night half of their butts hang out as they stumble up to a cab, a thirty-something guy fighting with his girlfriend about how the cops are going to take him to jail for being wasted.

In the midst of expressions I didn’t understand, I could make out words here and there of the battered, fast-paced English. Who did these Kiwis think they were, throwing the “C-word” around with such ease? In the days to follow, I came to learn, these were no truck drivers, sailors, or convicts with a disgusting vocabulary: the “c-word” is a much more commonly used colloquialism here than it is in America. I’ve slowly come to understand its use as a term of endearment, but I still don’t think it’s something I will be using in conversation any time soon. If a man were to use the word where I’m from he would get dirty looks and a lecture from one of the more outspoken women in the crowd. Cunt is the one word in America that’s so much more offensive than even the worst swear words. And so the culture shock began.

I’ll admit that after being here three weeks, I still don’t completely understand Kiwi lingo in its entirety. My advice to any American who wants to pick up a Kiwi accent is to start by making all of your statements into questions. Otherwise, call your friends 26

I’ve noticed guys wearing some interesting apparel in town. Tweenage boys sporting Ugg boots is a mystery I have yet to solve.

In America, Uggs are largely reserved for the average preppy girl who goes to bars in revealing dresses and heels, but wears sweatpants paired with the overpriced sheepskin footwear around campus. Yes, the boots are warm and comfortable for the winter months, but a twelve year old boy in athletic shorts and girly boots will never make sense to me. Similarly, I have seen more rattails, gelled hair, and mullets in the past month than I did in the entirety of the nineties. A couple of my American friends have taken a vow to not hook up with anyone with a rattail. Completely understandable.

Paired with those interesting hairdos is usually some kind of extremely tight pants. I can’t help but think that if you dressed like that where I’m from you would immediately be pegged as interested in the same sex and/or be beaten up in a circle pit at some overrated pop-punk show.

Coming to New Zealand, I was interested to see what the night life would be like.

Because the drinking age is 21 in America, many underage kids binge drink whenever they can get their hands on alcohol. Some people think that if the US drinking age were lowered, people would harbour a more responsible drinking attitude. I wanted to test this theory in New Zealand and see if

At my school in New York, the Study Abroad Coordinator told us not to get too crazy in the

These are the kinds of things I don’t see in my small college town where party girls and stoners alike become friends walking the streets back to campus at three am. Don’t get me wrong, people at my school get wasted, make mistakes, get their stomach pumped at the hospital, and wake up in a stranger’s bed, but Kiwis definitely know how to party.

I assume it has something to do with the fact that everything closes in the early afternoon, and there is nothing to do for the rest of the night except go to the bars. And I don’t blame you; it’s an entertaining way to spend an evening. When I go home with less brain cells than I came with, I will have Victoria Street, the insane Kiwi drinking habit, and my flatmate from Waiuku, the “drunkest town in New Zealand” to thank.

In addition to the whole drinking scene, I get the impression that everyone is far more concerned with who they’re going to sleep with at the end of the night than anything else. Not that everyone does it, but it seems that hooking up with a different person each weekend, each night of the weekend, or

each hour of a Thursday night is a perfectly acceptable practice. I have been asked numerous times which guys at the bar I thought were hot and who I wanted to be set up with. My answer is usually just to laugh

The first day I introduced myself in class, I tried to make a joke about my accent, but the entire class just sat there staring at me.

Later, while we were working in groups, the teacher came over to chat with our group

Americans can recite in alphabetical order after learning a song in grade school.

and keep dancing. Hooking up with tons of randoms is pretty much unacceptable where I’m from. Of course people do it, but those are the kinds of people that have really shitty reputations.

and made her comments while making eye contact with everyone except for me. This was one of the only times I got a standoffish feeling from New Zealanders. Since then, I haven’t had any problems being American. I have gotten the impression that Kiwis might be less accepting of other cultures. I’ve heard a couple times that Maoris hate white people. Conversely, America is almost too conscientious about not being racist because of the country’s history of slavery.

in real life as they are in the movies. My answer is generally, no, but you’ll encounter a ditsy person once in a while no matter where you go. Although, I haven’t met any ditsy New Zealanders, so maybe it is an American thing. Another American media representation that I’ve been confronted with is the classic frat party with red cups and keg stands. Fortunately, I can confirm these rumours. Just listen to “I Love College” by Asher Roth with the American Pie movies muted on TV in the background and you will get a good idea of what house parties are like in The States.

Classes at the University are fairly similar to classes in America, except for the fact that my lack of a precise career ambition makes everyone look at me like I’m crazy. A lot of people come here from faraway places to study law, or engineering, or to follow some other intense career path. Most of the Kiwis I’ve talked to put a large emphasis on making money. Probably because America fosters all sorts of hippie inklings, I rarely hear anyone worried about how much money they’ll make after college. Sometimes I think we have everything handed to us in The States, and students feel like they don’t have to be as ambitious as they are here.

I’ve encountered a couple of American stereotypes and questions from New Zealanders. First of all, I’m from New York, so everyone automatically thinks New York City, even though I live five hours away. An Auckland native that drove me into Taupo didn’t know New York was a state. He also asked me how Americans could remember all the 52 states? In case any other kiwis are wondering, there are 50 states that most

Because American media is so prevalent here, I’ve been asked if American girls are as ditsy

Overall, I’ve had an eye opening, but enjoyable, first month in New Zealand.

Regardless of funny hair, weird sayings, and alcoholic tendencies, all of the Kiwis I’ve met have been helpful, friendly, and great entertainment once they get drunk. The next four months will be nothing but enjoyable, I’m sure.

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BOGANOLOGY 101

MAKING LIVING CHEAPER

WITH BURTON C. BOGAN

WITH HONEST MATT

After my last column we have firmly established that I am going to hell, which leads me (SEGWAY!) nicely onto this week’s column – Heavy Metal’s link with El Diablo. This genre of music is regularly

Here’s this week’s money saving tip: Team up with a friend to halve entry costs.

mentioned in discussions of youth corruption via media and concerned parental groups. “Won’t somebody please think of the children?”

Now you’re probably asking yourself “Honest Matt what do you mean ‘team up with a friend to halve entry costs’?” It’s simple. What I want you to do is get a good buddy and pretend to be conjoined twins.

In George Carlin’s words “Fuck the children”.

The benefits of pretending to be a conjoined twin are almost endless. I am baffled that this is not already common practice for money saving enthusiasts. Instantly you will be halving your entry costs. That pesky $5 cover charge to the club becomes $2.50 etc, etc.

By that he didn’t mean literal “child rearing”, but that parents should read warning labels and make appropriate decisions. But I digress. I honestly do not think there are many Bogans who honestly worship Satan. That would be stupid, because if we’re talking literal belief, it would be much smarter to want to go to heaven with however many virgins or all of your heart’s desires. Satanic imagery in Metal, particularly in lyrics and symbolism, is for show. It’s a way to advertise that you’re a Bogan and listen to Metal. And let’s face it, the baddies are always cooler. A giant demon looks more badass than a lanky, hairy, carpenter. Bands have drawn upon demonic imagery throughout Metal’s history.

For example, Heavy Metal insiders have reflected on Slayer’s appropriation of Satanism, without holding any religious beliefs (besides Araya being Catholic), with comments such as “I mean Slayer aren’t actually in league with the devil or anything. But they do give the impression that if they were to go to anyone’s house for a scone and a sandwich it would be his”. In other words, Lucifer is a representation of the tendency in Metal towards counter-culture and rebellious figures, and who’s more appropriate than the fallen angel himself?

Bogans find satanic imagery such as demons, hell, and eternal fire cool – but we don’t actually worship or believe in Satan. If the bands we listen to have sold their soul to sell a few albums, more power to them and thanks Beelzebub for advertising and distribution. To quote Bill Hicks “They tell us Rock’n’roll is The Devil’s music. Well, let’s say we know that rock is The Devil’s music, and we know that it is, for sure …

At least he fuckin’ jams! If it’s a choice between eternal Hell and good tunes, and eternal Heaven and New Kids on the fuckin’ Block … I’m gonna be surfin’ on the lake of fire, rockin’ out, high-fiving Satan every time i pass him on the fucking shore”.

Stay Bogan \m/ 30

Halving entry costs isn’t the only benefit of pretending to be Siamese twins. Never again will you have to worry about being left alone in town drunk, cold and lonely. Even if both of you have had a skin full of grog you will always be able to put your heads together and devise a game plan of how to get home. Also if you can somehow arrange to be a Siamese twin imposter with a pretty boy or girl your chances of having a threesome after town improve tenfold.

Another great thing is who is going to challenge you? A bouncer would have to have a heart colder than Hitler in Antarctica to charge a pair of Siamese twins two different entry fees.

You would also enjoy instant fame/notoriety. Imagine people clapping and cheering as they see Hamilton’s famous drunk Siamese twins stumbling three legged down Victoria Street after being violently tossed out of yet another bar for their hilarious yet misunderstood hijinks.

Achieving the conjoined twin look is not hard. Firstly all you’d need to do is heavily duck tape you and your mates legs together from ankle to upper thigh (right upto the genital area) to create a middle third leg. Next step is to acquire a Shaq O’Neal sized shoe you can fit both your feet into. After that it’s taping your torsos together. Then you can get your friend studying fashion to especially tailor make you some fitted garments or you could just buy some 5 XL t-shirts from the Warewhare. Either way is good.

So what are you waiting for? Duck tape yourself to a friend and let the savings begin!Also town’s not town without an H Card. Buy one! hcard.co.nz/deals

CAFES: LIKE A BOSS WITH MRS MATTHEWS Jam Inside Freedom Furniture, 215 Angelsea St, Hamilton.

We came here because, to be honest, I hadn’t been anywhere in the last couple of weeks and needed to go somewhere to get material to write this review. Jam is near work so the Husband agreed to meet for morning tea break to coffee it up. Being a tiny cafe tucked inside a furniture store I wasn’t expecting great things from Jam. Well, I was wrong.

It can take a little while to find Jam, tucked to the side in one of the many nooks that occupy Freedom. Once you stumble across it you will discover a bright little counter and cabinet, stuffed with good looking food and a slightly dimmer seating area, tucked away from the rest of the store.

I ordered a blueberry and apple muffin and a flat white, the husband ordered his usual short black and made eyes at me suggesting he wanted me to share my giant muffin. The monster muffin came out slightly heated and with a little pottle of yoghurt and berry couli. It was delightfully cake-like; soft and delicious. I’m not always a fan of yoghurt being served with my sweets, being the fatty that I am I usually pick butter or cream, but with this splendid cake-muffin it totally worked.

When the coffees appeared at our table we discovered that they come with a little slice of brownie, which made us very happy. The flat white was pretty good and had the NOM hint of smokiness which is characteristic of Allpress beans. The husband’s short black ‘tasted just like a short black should’ and came in a little tin cup, which he wanted me to steal because he loved it so much. Apparently it made him feeling like he was ‘roughing it’. Heh. The staff at Jam are pretty friendly; the nice girl behind the machine was super friendly and made great coffee. The seating area is well laid out for a somewhat small space and even has a few booths squeezed in there. Although I do think it could do with a bit of updating as it feels a little drab, it is still an ok place to chill. I have also heard that the bearded, tattooed guy behind the counter sometimes introduces himself as Jesus. Fantastic.

RANGATAHI IN THE

WORKPLACE WITH THE YWRC

The Driving Age debate- young people in work Parliament has passed a law which raises the driving age to 16 and toughens up the restricted licence test. The age increase is part of a number of changes intended to improve driver safety on New Zealand’s roads. Thinking back to when I learnt to drive and the bad decisions I made as a young learner and restricted driver, I cannot argue with the fact that this will enhance our roads’ safety.

However thinking back; when I did get my licence a whole lot of new opportunities were available to me. I was able to get a job that did not suit my parents time table- because I was able to drive to it, I was able to get a job that required some driving- because I could drive, and because of this I was able to learn very quickly the meaning of responsibility as well as gain some very important work experience (something many employers value).

So what impact does this change in legislation have on our young workers and future young workers? Will they have the same opportunities as I did or will they have to wait longer for the opportunities I enjoyed? And how will that impact on them now and in the future? The general public’s safety is what is of value here, and who can argue with that? Nevertheless a potential unintended consequence of this policy is that young people may not be able to experience as much work as they would have otherwise done, there is research that suggests young people in work at an early age has a number of positive employment repercussions in the future (research can be provided on request). The youth unemployment rate reached a concerning all time high this year and it is even more concerning that a policy that can impact a young person’s ability to work was introduced without alternative solutions.

Common answers to some of questions: There is always public transport! but a young worker may not feel safe taking a bus late at night and public transport is less assessable in small towns such as Cambridge. Perhaps parents should take more responsibility for their teenagers and drive them around for longer? Parents all ready do allot for their children, and sometimes this is not a possibility.

In my mind it is not enough to just make a policy and implement it.

My question is; will there be provisions put in place to support young people into work that may have been disadvantaged by the driving age increase? I hope so :) 31

ENVIRO CLUB!

OWEN’S VIEW

WITH THE GREENS

WITH OWEN HINTON

Sustainability seems to be a buzz word at the moment. We hear about how we need to reduce our waste and save the planet. I think it’s about time we used some of the skills we learnt through Captain

My usual pair of jeans has holes in both of the side pockets.

Planet and put our elemental rings together to stop pollution and waste!

through straight-away, which compound’s my forgetful-ness. But then it’s not uncommon for me to feel a buzzing sensation around my ankle, which kind of freaks me out until I realise it’s my phone. I hope when people see me retrieving my phone from my ankle, they just assume it is because I wear it in a secret agent style ankle-holster, and are subsequently quietly impressed.

The planeteer’s used to fly around in the Geo-cruiser which ran on solar power, they stopped pollution. Why not ride your bike to uni?

You can pretend you’re in a flying machine with the wind running through your hair. There are so many benefits to riding a bike, you don’t need to worry about getting to uni early to get a car park (assuming every Nexus reader doesn’t rush to their geo-cruisers after reading this inspiring article) and you get exercise! Plus you can save the money that you would have spent paying for gas, registration and a warrant on alcohol instead, as well as decrease pollution. Vehicle emissions are the second highest cause of pollution in New Zealand so it’s a win, win situation.

Another way you could help the earth is by reducing the food waste you throw in the rubbish bin. Why not make a flat project to see who can build the most bad-ass compost disposal unit? Or make a worm farm? You can bond with your flat mates and at the same time get some healthy competition. And at the same time you get to do your part in helping save the environment and get to feel good about yourself! Forty percent of the average household rubbish bag is made up of food waste! We need to reduce our landfill waste otherwise too soon we will have to build more landfills.

By reducing the amount we put into landfills it also decreases the amount of CO2 type gases which cause global warming. You might think that there is no point having a compost bin as all your food waste will just break down in a landfill anyway, but compost bins are far more efficient. In landfills there is no air getting to the food waste so when it does break down it creates harmful gases such as methane which is destroying the ozone layer. With oxygen in the compost bin these gases are majorly reduced making it better for the environment and in turn making it better for you.

Remember, the power is yours.

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When I forget and put my phone in there, it doesn’t always fall

The sort of impressed where they think it’s neat someone else is doing it, but don’t want to tell anyone that they like the idea and might do it too, for fear that they will be ridiculed, and so they live out their days in quiet desperation, never knowing that it’s just because I have bad memory and an aversion to clothes shopping.

Today I remembered, and not wanting to put the phone in my shirt pocket cause that’s where I was planning on putting my cigarettes, I decided to use the phone pocket on my satchel. I’ve never used the pocket before, and so was surprised to find a chocolate bar stashed in there. I guess I had used the pocket once, but I have no idea where I got the chocolate from.

My flatmate considers my discovery dubious, but since when I discovered the mystery candy nobody was suddenly offering me a lift in a shady van to go see some puppies (although, heck yes puppies) I figured it was harmless enough. Although I forgot to eat it so I’m just gonna leave it there until I forget about it so that in a few months time I can open the pocket again to get another hit of that feel good surprise chocolate bar possession.

I enjoy those sorts of surprises, where it feels like your past-self had enough foresight to know that at some point you were gonna want a chocolate bar, and even though you probably wanted to eat right then, you were gracious enough to leave it for a later, hungrier you. This is much better than the past self I had in high school, who would leave fruit in his bag for the Monday morning me to discover.

WORDS OF WISDOM

THE ATHEIST EXPERIENCE

WITH MR MINTY FISH

WITH SAM THE ATHEIST

Cheese. What is it? I am pasta; but I sense that there’s a dick joke in there too, so let’s just get that out of the way. Dick cheese. Cheesy penis. Boom. Done.

Now I enjoy the odd bit of cheese but you know what I couldn’t enjoy if it looked like Heath Leger and James McAvoy covered in 101 bar tabs? Cheesy fuckin’ sayings on Facebook. (Just some really obscure social network - you’ve probably never heard of it.)

A couple of these gems include; but are by no means exclusive to; “Love is a journey you take holding hands.”

And my personal favourite; “Never apologise for how you feel. It’s like saying sorry for being real” I feel the backlash already. Partly because I know a good percentage of you probably sob over these each morning; now you could have a fat cry about the fact that I just said that but really who’s side would you be helping; but also partly because I’m not liking these groups which means I have misjudged the character of several of my friends and they’re clogging up my newsfeed with their feelings. Quite frankly, GTFO. Love may be a journey you take holding hands; but it’s also a journey that’s going to come to a complete fucking halt if you don’t stop your incessant ‘liking.’ I will love you in the face; and yes; by love I mean smack you with a wheely bin.

“Just live your life. No regrets.” Ironic considering that if this resides amongst your Facebook likes, that’s one thing you’ve got to look forward to regretting right there. Perfect.

Debate and rational discourse are essential parts of modern academic society. All subjects are discussed, points debated, arguments won and arguments lost, all in the name of rational inquiry and the advancement of human knowledge. There are potentially no subjects lost to academia.

But when criticism and debate are levelled at the subject of religion, a red flag goes up in the minds of many. To these people, beliefs are something that should not be challenged, and should just be accepted at face value, unchallenged by those who hold them. I wish to find out why this is – why is belief, especially in religion, so strongly held? Why is it regarded as taboo in many areas of belief to question the tenets of the belief that is held?

In my belief system, things are held to be true when rational, scientific evidence can back up the claims being made by those asserting them. For example, evolution by natural selection is something that I “believe” in, and if something else comes along that can explain the phenomena observed in a more general manner, backed by scientific evidence, it comes time to change my belief. If it could be proven that god was the be-all and end-all of the universe, and this could be asserted as true by scientific evidence, it would come to be that I would no longer be an atheist, as scientific evidence would seem to suggest otherwise.

Since science is self-falsifying, it continues to change in the face of new evidence, and backed by a greater understanding of how the universe works, it works on new theories of nature or to check that older theories still stand to the tests that our new understandings can give us.

I try and refrain from mindless ranting but excuse me, I do not give a quidditch-playing fuck if you want Facebook to know that you “Love Life xx.” IF YOU LOVE IT SO FUCKING MUCH THEN GET OFF YOUR GOD DAMN COMPUTER AND GO OUTSIDE. I’m sorry but you need saving from yourselves. Old Man Facebook has always brought out the crazy in bitches but this is not Tumblr so I shouldn’t have to feel the need to chloroform hipsters every time I log on.

Unfortunately it is not the case that the existence of god can be proven to be true by the means of scientific and rational discourse. Therefore, debate and argument are the only ways in which religion can be discussed in academia. Therefore, arguments must be formulated to posit the existence of a deity, but not the other way round. It is the job of the atheist to provide counter-example to the points moved by the theist. This, by nature, is a peaceful way for discussion to advance. So why must debate about religion be censored?

P.S. You look nice today by the way. Is that a new shirt? Suits you.

Brings out your eyes.

I don’t think it should. No subject should ever be taboo to discuss, especially in the realm of academic study.

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NEXUS. FOOD. LOVE.

WITH DEE

I’m not normally one to complain about anything, or to diss an idea that seems unusual. But to me, this isn’t the best time of year for a BBQ. But that’s what I’m doing this weekend. Yup, I’m going to a BBQ. It will be really excellent, it really will. For one, it is for a friend’s birthday, and there will be people there that it will be good to see.

Reason two, the guy whose birthday it is will be buying the steak, and he has brilliant taste in red meat. And three, well, it gives me a chance to try out a new potato salad recipe.

Again, this isn’t the “normal” time of year for a full on salad. Sure, you can have salads any time of year, but for most Kiwis, summer = BBQs = salads. In trying to get through my winter salads down buzz, I talked to a few of my friends who are vegetarians and tried to get some ideas.

The best one I kept hearing about was a warm potato salad.

About here is where things started getting a bit confusing. I couldn’t figure out whether you would make a normal potato salad dressing and heat it up, or whether it would be better to go for more of a sauce to go on the salad. And then, do you add the normal potato salad ingredients, or switch it up a little. In amongst the hundreds of assignments (okay, so more like four) that I have looming, how am I meant to choose which potato salad option to go for?

I’m not the kind of person to put many rules around cooking. I’ve always figured that baking needs to be fairly structured; otherwise there is a good chance that things will go wrong. But when it comes to cooking, especially salads and sauces, there are more things that can go right then can go wrong. In saying that, here are a few warm potato salad ideas.

Firstly, bacon. Bacon, in my opinion, is one of those magical food items that makes life better. I sometimes wonder whether life would be better if I wasn’t a bacon eater, whether because of religion or other idealist reasons. Bacon probably causes too many distractions in my life. But, nevertheless, hot pieces of bacon make a warm potato salad wonderful.

Secondly, bacon fat. Don’t tip it out, or try and cut it off the bacon before you cook it. Those lovely fat drippings in the bottom of the pan need to stay in the pan once the bacon comes out. It makes all the difference to the taste of the sauce.

So here is my (adapted from a friends) recipe for warm potato salad.

This will make a pretty large amount of salad. You have been warned.

WARM POTATO SALAD

• 8 potatoes, peeled and chopped to bite size or just bigger • ½ a kilo of bacon • 1 onion, chopped • 2 tablespoons of flour • 2 tablespoons of white sugar • 2 teaspoons of salt • 1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper

• 3/4 cup water • 1/3 cup white vinegar (if you can, use a white wine vinegar) Directions 1. Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Add potatoes and cook until tender but still firm. You want a fork to go into them smoothly, but stop cooking them before they start to crumble. Drain them.

2. Place bacon in a large frying pan. Cook over medium high heat until evenly brown and starting to get a little crispy. Take the bacon out of the pan, slice it into pieces that are small, but still recognizable as bacon.

3. Cook onions in frying pan with the bacon fat until the onion is golden-brown.

4. In a small bowl, whisk together the flour, sugar, salt, and pepper.

Add to the sauteed onions and cook and stir until bubbly, then remove 34

from heat. Stir in water and vinegar, then return to the stove and bring to a boil, stirring constantly. Boil and stir for one minute. Carefully stir bacon and sliced potatoes into the vinegar/water mixture. Keep stirring gently until potatoes are heated through if they have gotten cold.

Note: if you are taking this salad somewhere and there is a kitchen available, take the sauce and the potatoes separate, and reheat them at the destination.

THE REALM OF INFINITE CHAOS

PRESENTED BY MARK 1 COMICS AND GAMES 551 VICTORIA ST.

AND COMICS WITH MATTHEW HENDERSON RUNAWAYS VOL. 1 – PRIDE AND JOY (ISSUES 1-6) FORMAT: TRADE PAPERBACK WRITER: BRIAN K. VAUGHAN ARTIST: ADRIAN ALPHONA

MK1PRICE: $29.90

Most teenagers are secretly convinced that their parents are evil at one point or another, but in the case of Marvel Comics’ Runaways – it’s true. Youngsters Alex, Nico, Chase, Karolina, Molly, and Gertrude discover that they’re the offspring of an evil group of super villains known as the Pride. How do they know that they’re evil? Well, witnessing their parents carrying out a bloody ritual sacrifice of a young girl is a bit of a tip off. Horrified by what they’ve seen they… um…run away, stealing powerful items and discovering inherited abilities from their parents on the way. Super- powered, teen melodrama comic stuff ensues.

Although the teens do have powers (with the exception of the ultra brainy but devoid of the pow-pow and the boom- boom, Alex) and they have a mission (stopping their parents from doing Evil Stuff) – they aren’t your typical super team. There are no costumes for a start, they aren’t particularly organized, and they argue and bicker like, well, teenagers.

Brian K. Vaughan (best known for his work on ‘Y – The Last Man’, ‘ExMachina’, and TV’s ‘Lost’) keeps the kids on the run and off balance for much of this first story arch and keeps it real by having them speak and act like actual teens (instead of just having the shorter, skinnier adults you find in other supposedly ‘teen’ teams). The series launched as part of Marvel’s ill fated ‘Tsunami’ line in 2003 (the line was pitched at Manga loving adolescents) and Adrian Alphona’s art does have some of those influences but you won’t find an overabundance of big eyes and speedlines. His still is cartoony but still detailed with a reasonable comparison perhaps being to Mark Brooks.

Runaways is set in the Marvel Universe and there is some interaction with other characters (though moreso in later volumes). Despite this, the title develops its own mythos and is for the most part a self

contained corner of the MU. By creating all new characters, Vaughan is able to let the story unfold without having to worry about years worth of continuity and characterisation. What this means in practice is that, like say Buffy the Vampire Slayer – you can’t assume that your favourite characters are safe. People change, people die, and Stuff Happens that changes the status quo. All of this makes Runaways a particularly fun and unpredictable ride that is well worth your time.

Oh and there’s a telepathic dinosaur!

Bottom line – great roller-coaster ride of a read for young adults to big people (although marketed by Marvel as an All Ages title I wouldn’t recommend this for the littlies).

Recommended for • Brian K. Vaughan fans • Joss Whedon fans (he takes over the title in later issues) • Manga fans looking for an entry point into the Marvel Universe.

• Comic fans of great discernment and taste.

NEXUS FIGURE PAINTING COMPETITION WE’RE HAVING A MODEL PAINTING COMPETITION! THE RULES ARE AS FOLLOWS: 1) Any SINGLE miniature (no larger than 4inches) 2) Drop off to Mark 1 Comics & Games 3) Entries open the 1st August and close on the 9th September.

4) Winners announced in Nexus on the 19th September 5) Prizes include heaps of phat loot from MarkOne Comics and Games and Nexus

GET INTO IT AND HAVE FUN! SPONSORED BY MARK 1 COMICS & GAMES 551 VICTORIA ST. 35

KEVIN PRYOR GOES DOWN ON BOOKS

IMMORAL TALES - BY CATHAL TOHILL AND PETE TOMBS What did people do before pornography? Before ‘Asian Buttsluts Five’ was available on the internet and DVD, how did people get their jollies off? Is it possible to get titillated by the smell of honeysuckle in the evening breeze, or are we now only able to get aroused by watching a clip of some Kazakhstani teenager fellating the village donkey?

Falling in between the age of extreme film censorship (the 1940 & 50s) and full blown filth that we live in today, was a golden age of cinematic erotica. ‘Immoral Tales: Sex and Horror Cinema in Europe 1956-1984’ documents this rich cultural legacy.

hand, being the pretentious bastards they are, attempted to combine tits with high art.

The result was a torrent of celluloid weirdness. From pulp surrealism to blood soaked vampire epics, directors were free to let their imagination run wild, as long as they included the requisite amount of T & A. ‘Immoral Tales’ is a history of these hard to find cinematic oddities. Detailed descriptions and extraordinary images adorn every page.

The passion of the authors for their subject resonates throughout the book. The writing is analytical and intelligent, but you can feel the love at the same time.

As censorship started to loosen in the late 1950s, more and more nudity started featuring in film, cheaply made ‘B’ Pictures were the place to take your date on a Saturday night. In America these were dubbed ‘Grindhouse’ films - a term recently bought back to prominence by Quentin Tarantino.

But in America, as is so often the case, the ambition of these films was low. Europeans on the other

Auteurs in the truest sense of the word, directors such as Jess Franco, Jean Rollin and Walerian Borowczyk are rightly rescued from the travesty of obscurity.

‘Immoral Tales’ will inspire you to give up watching those exercises in gynaecology that pass as modern pornography, and instead to seek the alternative of old school European smut, spiced with lashings of gratuitous violence.

JUDY READS...

INFECTED - BY SCOTT SIGLER Yay! I loved Infected. Read it in two nights and was a little pissed off when it was finished kind of loved it. Infected was kind of a mix between my favourite types of fiction. It’s got the science fiction thing covered. It’s a thriller. And there is a pretty big amount of horror in there too. But some of that horror might have come from my total fear of

of cool) and the alien seeds need something to grow in. The thing they grow in best is people so they start doing that. But because they are alien seeds they aren’t really good for the people they are growing in. Oh, and they aren’t aliens seeds as in they are seeds that come from somewhere else, they are seeds

parasites.

from somewhere else that GROW ALIENS inside of your living flesh. There are lots of nasty side effects, like having the aliens talk to you and use your brain to find out what words are. And this understandably drives people crazy.

Infected is written from a few points of view, which gives the reader a good grasp of what’s happening in every area. You get the view of the guy who has the infection, and how he goes from being a normal guy working in an office to being laced with parasites and being totally crazy. Then there is the view that the CDC investigator has, she’s trying to figure out what the infection is that’s killing people and what the infection is doing to their bodies.

And then there is the CIA perspective where they are just trying to find the people who are infected before they go crazy nuts.

The basic gist of the story is this: there are some alien seed things (which I’m going to presume are from outer-space because I think that’s kind 36

Except the crazy isn’t just regular crazy. It’s the kind of crazy where you kill your family or roommates and leave them crucified on the couch with steak knives before carving alien symbols into your flesh. And you’re paranoid.

But that makes sense, because the CIA and Centre for Disease Control are actually after you because they really do want to isolate you and the aliens growing inside of your body.

Infected totally expanded my fears of parasites and aliens. But I couldn’t stop reading. It’s really well told and I think I’m going to be hunting out more of Sigler’s novels in the future.

WSU CLUB AWARDS 2011 The WSU is recognizing the hard work that goes into running a successful student club and celebrating the positive effects that clubs have on students and the University

PLEASE NOMINATE YOUR CLUB or THE IMPORTANT PEOPLE WHO RUN THE CLUB

NOW The NOMINATIONS are OPEN NOW(Close 26thAug)

PLEASE fill out a nomination form available from the Clubs Co-ordinator or download from WSU website

Flashy Trophy – Bragging Rights AND CASH PRIZES to win Club Awards Evening 9th Sept. 2011 7:30pm – 10:00pm Free Food and Drinks Please RSVP as soon as possible as seats are limited.

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