issue 19 2011

SEPTEMBER 5TH 2011

19

BOUNCERS

DILLION BOUCHER

Someone trusted the C-Ball with a phone so he got us an interview with Dillion Boucher

A THESIS IN 3

Its like speed dating for your brain!

Describe your thesis in three minutes flat

LEFT VS. RIGHT

Kate and Aaron would have amazing children, if only they could stop with the punching

BEHOLD, BEAUTY!

Luke Elliott uncovers the hidden gems of our fair city

2

THE

8

CONTENTS 4 6-7

EDITORIAL

8

THE NEWS!

9

TOP TEN!

10

HAIKU NEWS

11

LEFT VS. RIGHT

12-13

SPORTS

14-18

WSU PAGES

19

THE MAGIC 8-BALL

20

PUZZLES

21-24

ENTERTAINMENT

27-29

FEATURES

30-36

COLUMNS AND REVIEWS

38

13

LETTUCE

22

23

27

37

BUSTED

36 3

EDITORIAL

WITH ART

Last week, I woke up to the sounds of death and destruction outside my bedroom window.

SEPTEMBER 5TH 2011

19

BOUNCERS Credits: EDITOR: Art Robinson (editor@nexusmag.co.nz) DESIGN: David Nixon (design@nexusmag.co.nz)

Granted, it was 11.30am on a Wednesday, and I had slept right in. These things happen. Outside my windows and, as I discovered, all around our flat on Cameron Road, guys in high visibility vests and brightly coloured helmets were hacking and slashing our trees, shrubs, pungas and bushes.

The night before, Target had down an expose on groups of shady types who pretend to be from the council, chop down your trees and then bill you for a service you never wanted in the first place. Automatically, my mind went to Brooke Howard-Smith (one of the more annoying people on TV) and his sage and frequent advice: watch more Target. That wasn’t going to help me.

ADVERTISING: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) NEWS EDITOR: James Manning (news@nexusmag.co.nz)

However, as my house is a rental house, I figured these kinds of scammers were

FILM EDITOR: Richard Swainson (films@nexusmag.co.nz)

not involved. I stood in the lounge, watching the bushes disappear and the fruit trees (which totally functioned as fruit trees and knocked our supermarket shop bill down) get thrown into what was possibly the biggest wood chopper in the Southern Hemisphere.

BOOKS EDITOR: Kevin Pryor (books@nexusmag.co.nz) GAMES EDITORS: Sash Nixon (games@nexusmag.co.nz) DESIGN INTERN: Debby Yeung

Contributors Sam the Heretic, Luke Elliott, Ben Woolen, Scott Granville, Dirty Old Chair Leg, Shannon Rolfe, Judy’s Sweet Legs, Dr Richard Swainson, Owen Hinton, Honest Matt, Kylie Zinsli, Jess Edmonds-Saunders, Danielle Wall, Mrs. Matthews, Jade Carey, Josh Cooper, Daniel Farrell, Esther Coker,

That’s when it hit me. My landlord had randomly shown up the week prior, without any warning, and started walking around the property. It was made weirder by the fact that no one was home and she was just walking around, looking at the trees which gave our house some excellent privacy. She told me that some of our trees would have to go due to some kind of noxious plant getting in there and messing with all nature’s stuff.

Lauren KB, Mandy Suess-Ryan, Rawinia Judson, Caitlin Hayns, Aaron.Letcher, Kate Cogswell, Ayman Kysten,

I have no problem with that. Noxious plants can get out.

Burton C. Bogan, and Campbell “Ultimate Warrior” Weal.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa

To find all of our trees gone was somewhat more of a shock and definitely not what I had been expecting. However, due to this matter being “urgent”, we didn’t argue.

Student Press Association (ASPA).

Or at least, we think we are.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS

National don’t care about my trees either. Just like my landlord, National, with their commanding majority in the houses of Parliament, have circumvented the correct way of doing things under the pre-text of urgency, and we’re all going to pay the price sooner or later.

PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. WE THINK THAT THESE LITTLE JOKES AREN’T READ BY ANYONE BUT US. AND THAT PERVY GUY IN MY BIO LAB.

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL ads@nexusmag.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT: Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588

In just two short years, National and their pals in Wellington have pulled down all the good, environmentally sound legislation that previous governments had to work long and hard to get into law. They’re even making new laws which “strengthen” our country. You can put a hat on a monkey, but that doesn’t make him the Pope.

GST went up to 15% under “extraordinary urgency”. The 90-day trial period, which inevitably hangs the heaviest over student workers in part time employment, was also rushed through under urgency. Labour’s ten year ban on fossil fuel burning energy plants has also been removed, by National, under urgency.

Some of the other laws they passed have their merits, as did culling those trees in our yard. But the way National (and all the other political stooges who didn’t so much as raise a whimper of protest) went about it makes me realise that you can’t trust them as far as I can spit a rat.

EMAIL: editor@nexusmag.co.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

Vote out National. It’s that simple. They are slippery and reasonably untrustworthy, obliterating due process in New Zealand law in the name of expediency. -Art

THE BEAUTY OF HAMILTON WITH LUKE Hammond Park – 26/8/11 So, some feedback on last issue’s column that I got was that, while it was interesting, they wouldn’t really be keen on going to stare at a bridge for a few hours. And that’s fair enough. I mean, cool if you wanna do that, I won’t stop you. But personally, it wouldn’t be my cup of tea either. The point was to think about the importance of the bridges. However, they are worth a look at as part of a bigger experience, and that is the city’s riverside walks. These run almost the entire length of the city (on one side at least) and are really beautiful. I could go on about many different areas (such as Pine Beach, off River Road; Hamilton Parade, which was the viewpoint for last issue’s photo; Memorial Park, in Ham East – all of which are worth a visit), but instead I’ll focus on just one.

Hammond Park is my local one, in Riverlea at the very south of the city, on the east bank. It really has it all, too. There are all the basics you’d expect; pretty trees, a playground, wide open spaces, benches, and so on. But Hammond stands out for two extra reasons. The first is its beach, which is a legitimate, white sand one, running for about 300 metres (plus a bit more when the river’s low). One of the trees has a rope swing into the river. I pinky promise that you won’t catch any diseases if you swim here. I’ve met a guy who was swimming there once, who said he does it every week. Maybe take a wetsuit if you’re as keen as him. Summer though, you’ll be sweet.

The second reason Hammond is special is its boardwalk. This runs for 500 metres through a stand of native forest, which is home to rare native bats. Don’t worry; I haven’t been bitten… yet! The boardwalk takes you, 10 metres up, over a ravine, to a big clearing. Or, you can choose to get off the walk and trek up the ravine. Either way, you get experience the cool bush, and get great views of the river.

In short, Hammond Park has something for everyone. Best access if you’re driving is off Malcom Street, but for pedestrians, you can also take Geoffrey Place, Hudson Street or Riverlea Road. Best you check Google Maps, and plan your adventure. If you want photo proof of how cool this place is, and to see past weeks’ features, go to: hamiltonphotos.tumblr.com

pilates salsa brazilian martial arts muay thai kickboxing hip hop

SALSA Courses starting from the 12th September to find out more visit

www.reccentre.co.nz

Gate 1, University of Waikato

07 838 4177 5

Roman Resistance!

Lettuce Live Your Life!

Write to Win! SEND LETTERS TO: Send your letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

WEEKLY PRIZE: This week there is a prize! Brett from UniMart is kindly offering a $20 voucher to the writter of our letter of the week. Come to the Nexus office in the Student Union Building to collect your prize!

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Word count is limited to 250 words and we will enforce this as we please.

We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be). Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

To my fellow readers of Nexus, A brilliant young man died recently. The day that this magazine is released would have been his 20th birthday. He didn’t go to this university, but an awful lot of his friends do. Many of you would not have been lucky enough to know him, but those of us that did learnt a valuable lesson from him, and that’s what I wanted to share with you.

Cameron Millar lived his life to the fullest. To me (right now, at least), Cam is the DEFINITION of living life to the fullest. One of his friends said that Cam lived more in less than twenty years than most people do in a hundred. It might be a cliché, but for him, it stands absolutely true.

He was in equal quantities bizarre, hilarious, talented and caring, with maybe a little extra love thrown in for good measure. We will remember him forever for that. Another friend said that he hoped a little of Cam’s madness had rubbed off onto him. I think he rubbed off onto all of us, and that’s what I hoped to share with you today.

In Reponse to “No Bloody Papists”: There’s even more to this story. I’m a ‘papist’ who has enjoyed many fancy Catholic Masses full of popery at the Chapel.

A good number of Catholics still know about the big drama it caused on campus when they banned Catholics from the chapel. Apparently there were huge protests, good old picketing outside the chapel and a whole heap of discussions with Uni authorities.

It all got very political, which is probably why you see poor old Nexus suddenly go silent. The Uni authorities went into damage mode.

If you want to know more I can put you in touch with a former student who was at Waikato at the time, and is now a Catholic priest. Heh. But these days WaiCath is very active and going strong with all it’s wonderful popery :-P And if you’d like to come along and learn some more about Catholicism there is Mass on Mondays and Wednesdays at 12pm, and Sundays at 5pm, as well as talks throughout the week. :-)

Be weird. Be funny. Entertain people. Love them. Love yourself. Whether you get twenty years or forty or eighty or a hundred, make each one worth it. Don’t be scared, or shy, or worried, or embarrassed. Find the beauty, the joke, the song. Cam did. His life was short, but it was worthwhile.

I didn’t know Cam the longest, or the best, or in any significant way at all, really, but I still feel like he changed my life. I’m better off for having known him. Just goes to show what a person can do with nineteen years…

Courteney Come pick up your $20 UniMart voucher at the Nexus office in the WSU Building.

Sue from Chaplaincy Speaks Dear Nexus Readers, It appears that the letter in the last Nexus, which invited you all to come along to the new group a campus – Open Spirituality – forgot to include when and where.

This new group is going to be at 12.15pm on Tuesday in the Lady Goodfellow Chapel, just across the road from the rec centre, at the University end of the student services building.

Come along – no obligation to stay or keep coming, it would just be wonderful to see you there!

Sue, University Chaplain

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A

$20 VOUCHER FROM UNIMART

CONVENIENCE STORE HERE ON CAMPUS

FOOD, DRINKS, SNACKS AND DAILY ESSENTIALS ALL IN ONE FRIENDLY LOCATION 6

Talissa: Nexus Hero Dear Scuba Steve, You should be ashamed of yourself. Why? Because you’re a disgrace to every other person at this university, that’s why! Anyone who is associated with you should be ashamed of themselves.

You’re the judgemental dipshit who tries to make everyone else feel like shit because you can’t control what comes out of your mouth (Luckily we don’t give a fuck because you’re an absolute nobody.)

You’re the deadbeat doorknob who feels better about themself by slandering other people who have done nothing wrong to you, or anybody else for that matter.

You’re the person who is such a burden to my reading experience that I felt I should write back just to let you know how much of a wanker you truly are.

You’re the same person who has probably upset a few people with your insensitive and pitiful attempt at trying to win a $20 voucher for food, whilst preaching about them spending money on food.

Some losers are smart enough to realise they are a burden on society, so they go and keep their ridiculous opinions to themselves. But they are still losers who end up opening their mouths after a few months, only to have no one care about their opinion and shit still pouring out of their mouths. But here’s the point I’m trying to make: You’re not a tragic loser because of the state you are in now. What’s done is done, living in the past will not change the future. No, you’re a loser because you CONTINUE to slander others because you feel so shitty about yourself that the way to relieve your low self-esteem is to jerk off to another episode of Jersey Shore.

Shameful.

Shut your shit talking mouth up and learn some respect before you get your arse taken to the cleaners by someone who you really fuck off.

Its ok, the Jersey Shore guys have small penises too.

Don’t Count Chickens

Talissa

Dear the boy in the corner with the boring black laptop.

Thanks for the flattery, you romantic soul.

Don’t Feed Him Please. Or Do. This Isn’t Soviet Russia.

you just made my week.

Dear gays, We get it. Seriously, we do. I love your work, but it’s time to hang up the tights and miniskirts, put the rainbow flags down for a second, and just calm yourself. You’re no different to the rest of us, and nobody likes an ostentatious wanker.

Your sexual orientation doesn’t bother me in the slightest, but your attempts to illustrate pride by dressing up like a fruit salad are just annoying.

Wear a pair of bloody cargo shorts, put on that Power Rangers t-shirt that is worn through at the armpits, let your socks slide down a little. Nobody will mind. We like you to be comfortable. See, there’s no need to be butch or fem. You are in the body you’re in, so enjoy it. Women don’t need to wear trousers. Skirts are comfortable, and light, and pretty, and so on. Men don’t need to wear tank tops and heels, because the body structure doesn’t often facilitate being attractive in that kind of clothing.

Drag queens are excluded from this one. You lot have lovely ankles.

Talk about your partner, be s/he a he or a she.

Nobody really cares anymore. We’re all pretty open-minded. It just seems like you guys are yet to keep up. You’re not being persecuted on the grand scale anymore, so TV-gay is no longer a mandatory part of your repertoire. Neckerchiefs are dead and gone.

From the girl with the Pink Laptop, who is often in the library.

PS. I AM single :) (but that doesn’t mean anything).

OK, Count a Few Dear the boy in the corner with the boring black laptop.

You hopeless romantic. You. Sincerely, The girl who wishes you were into me and my boring black laptop.

So Much Angry Dear nexus, I have just read with disgust this week’s VP Maori Speak.

How can you publish such shit. Not only is it badly written, but it is incorrect. The opening of the cinema this Thursday is not EVENT cinema’s, but HOYTS. As an employee of the later company I am disgusted that this was published without being checked. Please inform Priscilla that She should check her facts, instead of disgracing our heritage.

Cheers Angry Trousers

Just chill. We like you. God likes you. Cocktail bars LOVE you. Just love yourself.

Sincerely, Sapionormative.

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THE NEWS!

BY SQUIDY, PRESS RELEASE PRINCE

CANTERBURY TO CUT STAFF The University of Canterbury plans to cut more than 350 jobs over the next three years. According to an internal document forecasting the university’s finances for the next ten years, it proposes to slash the current number of staff from 1947 to 1596 over the next three years.

That is a decrease of 18 percent. The cuts will affect academic, general and technical staff.

The document lays the blame clearly with the government: “The implicit message from the Tertiary Education Commission and the minister – that if the institution is willing to lead the way with cuts that could easily run to hundreds of jobs – the State may invest in the university once more – is reprehensible.”

TEU national president Sandra Grey says the tertiary education minister, Steven Joyce, has not made a strong enough case to his cabinet colleagues to protect this important national and international asset. “Cabinet plans to meet in Christchurch next Monday. It is essential that it act now to protect the university from these cuts,” says Dr Grey. “The university is an essential public infrastructure. It has a key role to play in the next year helping the city rebuild. It cannot do that without government support.”

SHAMELESS PROMOTIONAL NEWS WSU ELECTION COMETH! The WSU candidate nominations close Friday this week. Following the nominations, candidates begin campaigning in the lead up to the October 3rd election. It’s set to be a fierce fight with a plethora of contenders all ready to win your vote.

SQUIDGY AND THE FIST Nexus is hitting the airwaves very soon! Squidgy and the Fist will be doing an early morning radio show from next week, with prizes, news and the regular Nexus care-free attitude. Tune in at 88.1FM or online via the Contact FM website.

Also, keep your eyes and ears open: the Nexus Short Story Competition starts soon! More information to come, via the facebook and the interwebs.

The university says no additional funding has been made available by the commission or the minister other than retaining the Student Achievement Component for 2012. That means a shortfall of $12-18 million.

3...2..1...89.....CONTACT? Last week submissions closed for the 89 FM radio frequency. Nexus magazine understands at least two applications were received one from university station Contact FM who had previously held the frequency and the other from Community Radio Hamilton, a local access station.

David Bennett MP M P for h aM i l t on e a s t

Phone: 07 834 3407 Email: davidbennett@xtra.co.nz www.davidbennett.co.nz

www.national.org.nz 8

It has been suggested that a third group may have also submitted an application but this could not be confirmed at the time of print.

In recent times the 89FM frequency had been home to short-lived stations such as Rush, Back Beat, The Generator and UFM. A decision on the new owner of the frequency is expected in the next month.

Top 10 solutions to the global debt crisis The world’s economy needs a few offers of advice so here are ten solutions to help fix the global economic crisis.

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China could fix all global debt and all they might ask for in return is that the borrowers paint everything ‘Red’.

11 September 2011

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Facebook wipes out global debt but it’s an option it doesn’t Like.

8

The New York Yankees give up their salary to help stimulate the American economy.

7

Dress President Obama up in a Captain America uniform and along with an elite team of economists raid the first ten names on the Forbes list of billionaires.

6

Ask Carlos Slim, the world’s richest man, for a generous loan.

5

Ignore reality and spend more money.

Can I change papers?

4

Create a giant money jar.

Ben has enrolled in a science degree but wants to change some of his papers. What can he do?

3

During the night Oprah sneaks in and leaves $1000 under everyone’s pillow.

As soon as possible, Ben should go online to iwaikato and look for change of enrolment. He can complete the changes online. If he wanted to withdraw from the paper without penalty and get full refund, he must do that by 5pm on 11th March. Again this can be done online.

2

Twitter!! If only tweets were worth money.

1

General Motors and BP must have a spare few dollars?

*starting 9am riverbank, Grantham Street,, hamilton

www.thegreatrace.co.nz support Waikato Crew or volunteer

Note: to avoid an “incomplete” on your transcript (not a good look for employers!), you must withdraw by 1st April (no refund available after 11 March).

Note: if you have a student loan, make sure the refund has been credited towards the loan.

The Hamilton Area Citizens Advice Bureau provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria St (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm), 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am-4.30pm), Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm) and the Cowshed at the University (Tues-Thurs 1-3pm). They also have legal, advocacy and consumer services available where you can get more specialised help.

Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB) or look at the CAB website www.cab.org.nz

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SHORT NEWS

FOR TALL PEOPLE

BY THE WAIKATO FIST

CZECH PLEASE The Czech Republic has a major problem after a report revealed that 22,000 of its soldiers are overweight, with a further 3500 being classified as obese. Corporal punishment and general fitness regimes have been increased in an effort to slow the general weight gain in the tiny nation’s army.

Fat fighting medicines were a last resort for the armed forces of the Czech Republic.

Nexus feels that such a small country should have smaller waists and a smaller army. We would have more military themed jokes for you but that would be petty.... officer. BAM!

FASHION NOT ROLE MODELS One of three finalists in the TV3 show New Zealand’s Next Top Model has been caught out in the public/private trap that is Facebook. 17 year old Rosanagh was tagged in a photo which clearly shows her standing beside an open a container of cannabis. The mortified mother of an 11 year old girl who friended Rosanagh on the site brought it to public attention.

Despite the aspiring model’s drink and disqualified driving convictions TV3 say that they are “happy for her to take part in the final”.

Mothers should be more concerned that their daughters are looking up to stick thin, blank canvases.

Haiku News

MAXIMUM EXPOSURE A local Green Party candidate has gotten himself in the news for riding his bike. Max Coyle, the Green candidate for Hamilton West and all around stylish guy, attracted the draconian wrath of security at The Base when he and a group of his pals decided that bikes were better than cars when it came to getting around. Filming and cycling on the footpath, however, are not allowed at The Base.

Critics were quick to point out that Mr Coyle had only shown the very end of his confrontation with security and was doing the whole thing to get more time in the papers. You win this round, Mr Coyle.

GRAMAPHONES, LUBE AND RADIOS? In a bizarre robbery, Hamilton’s foremost (only?) “swingers club” has had a major blow dealt to it by criminals.

Champagne, wine and a cathedral radio were all part of the lot which the baddies absconded with last Monday, while a cash register brimming with actual money was left untouched. Club 52 may now face closure, as the owner does not have insurance.

Among the other items taken were four antique gramophones and a large bottle of lubricant.

As one wag pointed out on the Nexus facebook page: you need a lot of lubricant for a gramophone.

By Musashi

Police Investigate School Bus Drama Driver calls in sick Nobody to replace him “Eh, kids can do it.”

Auckland Council To Fine Litterers A hundred dollars For a bit of rubbish dropped Fills council coffers

Robert Downey Jr To Be A Dad Again Wants to have daughter But it seems he is unsure How babby is made

Fatal Heart Attacks For Father, Son Just 67 Minutes Apart Senior kicks bucket Junior hears, rushes to help – Like father, like son

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Pinned Logger Cuts Five Toes Off With Pocket Knife Six ton truck, five toes And one rusty pocket knife The math isn’t hard Wellington Council Flat Death Went Unnoticed Dead over a year Council never checked on him Left box in a box

A QUICK ONE-TWO:

SHOULD NEW ZEALAND DEPLOY ITS FORCES OVERSEAS IN AID OF ITS ALLIES?

LEFT JAB MISS COGSWELL To fight, or not to fight: that is the question. The easy answer is no.

Enough blood is shed worldwide without New Zealand soldiers getting involved. We live incomparably different lives to citizens in countries at war. Insurgency is something we cannot fully understand, the constancy of unrest so many experience is unlike anything we know.

I do not believe we should send troops to fight for our allies when they may be waging an unjust war. It’s not about taking sides; it’s about people’s lives. There is always more than one side to the story. War is multi-faceted at the best of times so why should New Zealand soldiers blindly follow orders in a conflict that is not their own?

The recent death of SAS Corporal Douglas Grant in Afghanistan has brought the issue to attention. A true soldier, Grant believed in the mission he was there to do. It was not his war yet he died for their cause. The counter terrorism role SAS troops play put Grant in the line of fire of a Taliban insurgent but don’t worry, the terrorist was killed too, an eye for an eye and all that. It has also caused New Zealand to cross the line in terms of international conventions on human rights abuses.

Peace keeping is an entirely different kettle of fish. New Zealand can be a neutral force in the reestablishment of order for war torn countries. Though some are far from a ceasefire, our counter terrorism only encourages distrust. People need not die for political change. The terrorists, insurgents and rebels are people too. Though their pain and fear drives them towards violence, they are capable of reason.

RIGHT CROSS WITH MR LETCHER Should New Zealand support our allies? I say yes. Isn’t that the whole point of an alliance?

Joining an alliance and then not holding up your side of the deal is the large scale equivalent of taking somebody’s money on Trademe and never sending the goods. If you don’t plan on holding up your side of the bargain, don’t make the deal in the first place.

There are cries that we shouldn’t be in Afghanistan, because it doesn’t directly affect New Zealand’s security. Those people probably would have been the same kind of people who disagreed with New Zealand’s involvement in World War II just because the Nazi’s weren’t invading our shores and killing our Jews. Does anybody still agree that we were in the wrong for sending troops to support our allies back then?

We live in a global community, and problem for the world is a problem that we have a responsibility to help solve. The reality is there are a LOT of crazy Muslims out there. Don’t get me wrong, there are crazy Christians and Jews too; they just tend to blow stuff up less frequently.

For years these crazies have been able to train in Afghanistan, because they were friends with the corrupt government of the failed state.

Our troops are over there helping to turn that failed state into an effective member of the global community. We’re killing terrorists, training their armed forces, and that’s all just before breakfast. We know that if Afghanistan has a real government and police force the terrorists will have nowhere to train, no safe zone to hide – until they find the next failed state to jump into bed with. There is no doubt we will invade that state too, and do a damn fine job of it.

War is irrational and outdated. It is time for diplomacy. However, any intervention must have the affected nation’s best interests at heart. An impartial involvement from New Zealand Defence Forces can protect civilians and help to construct just institutions. Peace operations must have a strictly controlled and transparent agenda.

This is where the current situations of our allies fall down.

I for one would prefer the death of a New Zealand soldier than the death of hundreds of innocent people just trying to go about their everyday lives, and I have no doubt that the soldiers feel the exact same way. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be over there risking their own lives so we can sleep soundly at night.

Call me an idealist but take me as I am, if we cannot convince them not to fight, it doesn’t mean two wrongs make a right. I’m not saying it’s not our problem; it’s just not our battle. New Zealand’s involvement in overseas wars puts us in more danger than an absence of military allies. In this day and age violent political unrest comes from within the nation. If John Key stays in power we may need our

New Zealanders who join the army know exactly what they are signing up for from day one – to fight, and die is necessary, to protect New Zealand’s security. If that involves filling some guy called Mohammed with bullets, then so be it. Perk of the job? They fight and die so little Jimmy playing Xbox on the couch in Hamilton doesn’t have to. As for those who claim they DIDN’T know what they were getting into – did

troops at home.

you really think the government was paying you a wage to run around Waiuru playing with guns for nothing?

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SPORTS THOUGHTS

ADIDAS – NOT OUR FUTURE

WITH C.BALL

Never before has national pride been so cheap, because according to Adidas, $220 is a reasonable price to have to pay to support New Zealand’s iconic All Blacks. Unfortunately, that national pride means jack shit when the whole population finds out they are getting jacked up worse than a rich white woman at a red light in Johannesburg. Now we are left to watch Adidas flail around pathetically as they try unsuccessfully to repair the damage done to their brand. Enjoy watching the train wreck in motion.

Not only was it a little over the top to price the All Blacks jersey at $220, but it became a lot worse when it was made apparent in other countries such as the United States the same jersey could be purchased online for around $100. Whoever discovered that would’ve been secretly stoked, before their massive order got canned faster than the sitcom Joey as Adidas had blocked the site from delivering to New Zealand.

Well that doesn’t seem at all strange, does it?

Unfortunately for Adidas, it was then revealed they are paying children in Asian factories as little as sixty cents an hour to manufacture the shirt. For seventy cents, those slaves would’ve kept their mouths shut you tin arse bastards.

Adidas’ costs of production per All Blacks replica jersey are measly to say the least. I’d say including materials and shipping, each jersey can’t be costing them much more than $5 to make, maybe $10 at the most. And I’m no economist, so it could be even lower than those two figures. Yet once it hit the shelves, Adidas in true douche bag fashion tried to whore it off at an exorbitant $220, a mark up of over four thousand percent. You have an unsustainable resource like petroleum which doesn’t attract such a mark up. The NZRU shut their trap right up on the subject too, offering vague responses about how they leave the marketing, manufacturing and selling of the jerseys to the professionals – Adidas. What they actually mean to say is they receive a huge amount of money from Adidas for it to have its logo on their jersey, and they aren’t about to bite the hand that feeds them anytime soon.

Yeah, the NZRU aren’t about to stick up for the public anytime soon, and why should

12

they? They are making sweet dollar dollar bills, all from a monopolising German sports apparel manufacturer that is paying a shit load of money to buy all the space on the All Blacks jersey. While other teams have sponsorship emblazoned all over their playing strip, the All Blacks have a more traditional, sponsorship free get up, not because its unique and the All Black brand is this hallowed thing that mustn’t be tainted by commercialism, but because in quite the opposite fashion, Adidas buys all the space to make sure they are the only brand associated with the All Blacks playing strip. Since the jerseygate fiasco, Adidas tried to use this cash stranglehold on the NZRU to repair their image with the public, saying they have to charge $220 for the jersey so that they can continue pumping millions of dollars into our grassroots structures. Good joke. Adidas don’t send representatives down here to allocate money to different teams and sectors. They pay for having their logo on the All Blacks strip, like any other sponsor does, which in turn leads to the NZRU investing that money into grassroots. But I can see how Adidas would assume they are the ones doing the investing. If it wasn’t Adidas sponsoring the All Blacks, another company would, and the grassroots scene would still be alive and kicking.

And as if all this bullshit wasn’t enough, Riche McCaw’s new ‘thing’ Nicola Grigg has to open her gob and impress us all with how much of a pea brain she is, while thinking we actually give a shit about her opinion. I don’t care if you’re Riche McCaw’s wife, you’re still a nobody. She proved how much of a dumbass she is, saying Adidas shouldn’t change their prices, because it’s like her complaining at Louis Vuitton for their bags being too expensive. I can see the resemblance between the All Blacks jersey and a Louis Vuitton bag, because one product is a piece of New Zealand, an icon of national pride, used to show our support for New Zealand’s leading sports team. The other is a handbag, one of those stupid commodities that went from being a handy way of carrying lots of belongings, to a status symbol among women, more expensive than the crap being carried inside it. She deleted her twitter account days after her remarks. Enough said.

DILLON BOUCHER LOOKS TO FUTURE TO DEFEND BREAKERS’ TITLE Pre season training for New Zealand’s only basketball team in the Australian National Basketball League might be a little quiet at the moment. Veterans Dillon Boucher and CJ Bruton are the only Breakers players free to start, as the majority of players that make up the defending champion side are currently away on international duty. With the Tall Blacks warming up in Europe for their Olympic qualifier versus the Australian Boomers, and the New Zealand University team competing for international glory at the

to come from. Boucher rattles off CJ Bruton, Corey Webster and Thomas Abercrombie as players capable of hitting clutch threes, but admits Penney leaves a big hole in the side.

“It’ll be up to everyone else to step up into those shoes and contribute as much as they can’ he says.

World University Games, it’s still practice as usual for Boucher despite the empty gym.

With the Breakers becoming the first senior New Zealand team to win an Australian competition through their heroics last year, the moment capped a unique experience for Boucher, as he was one of the original players during the club’s inception back in the 03/04 season. Seven years later, Boucher says

veteran Tall Blacks player was well known for his defensive capabilities, credited as being a steal maestro, complete with hustle that wouldn’t have gone wrong on the streets of Baltimore. Boucher retired from international Basketball in 2008, having tasted success with the team in 2002 after they finished fourth at the world champs. He credits this moment and a bunch of other games as huge experiences, but says he’s still learning to this day. “Every year you gain different things you can use on the court and off the court as well, and I’m still at the stage of learning every time; learning better ways of making the team more successful and ultimately helping teammates become better players as well.”

finally winning the championship was “very rewarding for all the hard work we’d put in over the years , to know it had finally paid off.”

The title has seen the Breakers pull in a new major sponsor in Sky city, with Vector Arena opening its 12,000 capacity doors to the team for several games this season. With basketball’s popularity undoubtedly rising, Boucher is under no illusion as to how to attract more people to the game. “A lot of the popularity stems from the success of both the Breakers and Tall Blacks, and with the Tall Blacks having success as well that helps kids want to become Tall Blacks or Breakers. A lot of our popularity will depend on results and exposure, so the more we’re on television, the more kids see us playing, the more they want to be involved in the sport.”

The Breakers begin their defence of the ANBL title on the 7th of October against the Gold Coast Blaze, yet Boucher admits that it’s “tough preparation when building into a season when most of the players are playing in other teams.” Add to that talisman Kirk Penney leaving New Zealand’s shores to play in Spain, and Breakers fans might be worrying about where the big points are going

One thing is for sure though, with plenty of young players filtering through both the Breakers and Tall Blacks ranks, they are in good hands alongside Boucher. The

His retirement from international Basketball was “purely a body decision”, with the workload over a 5 year period without a holiday having taken its toll. What started off as a month’s break became a permanent decision, yet to this day Boucher is still a class above the rest, having won the ANBL’s best defensive player accolade as recent as 2010. Boucher maintains the Tall Blacks have a bright future, naming up and coming players like Isaac Fotu, Steve Adams and Rob Lowe, mixing in with the more experienced Lindsay Tait and Mika Vukona. For Boucher though, his next assignment after the upcoming Breakers season lies with the Auckland Pirates. After that, he says it’s a case of “reassessing everything, seeing how [the] body is and whether I want to continue playing, or if my body’s had enough that I need to find a new job.”

Nexus Magazine’s Campbell Weal was lucky enough to have a chat with one of New Zealand Basketball’s legends in Dillon Boucher. Thanks Dillon, you’re a champ.

So it would seem that Boucher believes both the Breakers and Tall Blacks stand in good stead to replicate their successes and continue building Basketball’s popularity in New Zealand. After a professional playing career that has brought him the record of most NZNBL titles, and an admirable confidence one can only have to rep the ponytail, it’s nice to know Boucher still has a sense of humour when I bring up the time he got in Yao Ming’s face during a Tall Blacks game versus China, and ended up on his bum.

He laughs recalling the incident and admits he’d have forgotten about it if there wasn’t a Youtube video capturing the moment. “There was a method to my madness. Yao was on four fouls and was really hurting us, so I tried to get under his skin hoping he’d push me and get us a foul. It backfired because I didn’t get the foul. We talked about it after the game, have played against each other several times since that day, and we always reflect on that and have a laugh. We’ve become good mates.”

NB: for those that wish to view the video, search Youtube for “sean marks dunks on yao ming”

13

OFFICIAL NOTICE OF

ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING

Pursuant to rule 9.1 of the constitution of the Waikato Students’ Union Incorporated, notice is hereby given that the Annual General Meeting of members shall be held as follows:

Wednesday 21st September 2011 1 pm Venue To Be Advised

ELECTION FOR BOARD OF DIRECTORS

Pursuant to rule 17.1 of the constitution of the Waikato Students’ Union Incorporated, an election is to be held for the 2012 Board of Directors. The election will be conducted from Monday 3rd to Wednesday 5th October 2011.

Nominations for all positions will close at this Friday 9th September 2011 at 4:30pm.

Any member considering standing for election is urged to obtain an information pack from the WSU prior to submitting their nomination.

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VP SPEAK

WITH CHARLIE PUT YOUR HAND UP FOR THE WSU BOARD 2012 Are you keen to be involved in the governance of your student union? Interested in making sure your voice is heard? Think you’d be good at representing students’ interests and pushing for their needs to be met? Keen to be involved in events? If you answered yes to these questions, then run for the 2012 Waikato Students’ Union Board of Directors!

Nominations are currently open for all positions on the board. Each year the Board of Directors is elected by WSU Members (ie: students at the University of Waikato) to represent them. Here’s a quick run-down of the positions: 1x President This is the chief boss man or woman. Your job is to be the head of the WSU. You chair the WSU Board Meetings, and represent students on a large number of boards throughout the university (including University Council, where important University decisions are made). If you like meetings, and not having very much spare time, this is the position for you! The President is a full-time position (minimum of 40 hours per week; often more) and is currently paid $32000 per annum.

(about 20 hours per week) and is currently paid $15000 per annum.

8x Directors Directors are concerned with representing students and governing the WSU. Your key job is to put forward the interests of any student who approaches you. WSU Directors are each assigned a portfolio based on their interests: a mature student, for instance, might take the mature students’ portfolio.

Directors are generally expected to run and help out at WSU Events. If you want to be involved in the WSU and meet lots of new people, this is the position for you! Directors are part-time positions (about 10 hours per week) and are currently paid $3000 per annum.

If you are interested in running for the Board, then come in to the WSU reception and pick up a nomination form. Nominations close this Friday (9th September) at 4pm, so make sure you get in quick! The election will be held from Monday 3rd to Wednesday 5th October: all the best for those people who will no doubt be campaigning over the next few weeks!

Charlie Gillard Vice-President Waikato Students’ Union 027 4670276 vp@wsu.org.nz

1x Vice-President This is a management type role. Your key job is to make sure everything is organised and runs smoothly. You make sure that the Board Directors are ‘pulling their socks up’ and organise the agenda for board meetings.

You also get the fun job of being the ‘Acting President’ if the President is away. If you like administration and organisation, this is the position for you! The Vice-President is a half full-time position (about 20 hours per week) and is currently paid $15000 per annum.

1x Vice-President Maori This job involves representing Maori issues on campus. Your job is to make sure that Maori interests are put forward and discussed. You often have a lot to do with the Pro-Vice Chancellor Maori Office, and are usually involved with university events such as Kingitanga Day and the University powhiri. If you are keen to represent Maori, this is the position for you! The VicePresident Maori is a half full-time position

OPEN: 8.30am-4.30pm PHONE: 07 856 9139 WEB: www.wsu.org.nz

15

CLUB CORNER: PICTURE LOG ReStyle

RESTYLE

Are you keen on fashion? Interested in environmental issues? If so, (and if you are particularly interested in how these two issues combine), then come along to a fantastic night out with friends and family at ReStyle 2011: a show where high fashion, art, music, dance and performance merge as one.

ReStyle transforms everyday waste and enables art to perform on stage in the hottest event on Hamilton’s cultural calendar. The competition is open to anyone and challenges designers to create ‘wearable art’ by recycling and reusing materials that would normally be seen as waste.

Think World of Wearable Arts with a twist, as ReStyle 2011 is inspired by the circus and will feature breathtaking acrobatic performances. Experience the Founders Theatre like you have never seen before with

a catwalk extending right into the audience and carnival stage setup. Lucy Johnson from Australian Idol will also grace the stage, as well as top NZ fashion designer Nes who will showcase their latest collection.

There will be fantastic spot prizes on the night, and each audience member will receive a goodie bag containing a makeover voucher from the Body Shop worth over $45 among a range of other exciting gifts Tickets are available from Ticketek! Be in quick as seating is allocated. Students with ID are only $20! Other prices are $30 for Adults, $20 for Seniors, and $15 for Children (Up to the age of 14).

For more information, check out www.restylehamilton.co.nz.

EVENT ON CAMPUS: FREEDOM OF THE SEXES In a modern world, where our society promotes the message that all sexes are created equal, do we really have as much freedom as we ought to? Are we really equal?

Is a vital piece of the puzzle missing?

With this theme in mind, the Waikato Women’s Space is pleased to announce its first Art and Literature Competition for 2011: The Freedom of the Sexes – ‘Same-same or Different’, As a result, if you are a budding artist or photographer, or if you have a flair for the written word, then send in your

original piece on the topic “The Freedom of the Sexes – ‘Same-same or Different’ to freedomofthesexes@gmail.com.

It’s easy! All you have to do is write a piece of original literature (short story, poem or essay) of no more than 500 words, or create a piece of artwork or capture a photograph depicting what Freedom of the Sexes means to you. If you are interested in finding out more, feel free to send us an email at the address above. Entries close 11th September 2011, so start working on your masterpiece today!

WAIKATO INVESTMENT CLUB: INAUGURAL MEETING THIS WEEK! Just a friendly reminder that the Waikato Investment Club is hosting its inaugural meeting this Wednesday (September 7) at 6pm in library room 4.05. If you’re interested in learning how to become a Wall Street fat cat who wears red suspenders and always has a Cuban cigar at hand, then come along!

The club is for interested students who wish to be involved in some of the more practical aspects of Finance, such as trading shares, so if this sounds like your think, email us at waikato.investment@gmail.com or come along this Friday!

16

17

FRIDAY Bevies Beats Eats Outside the performing Arts We provide the beer and Soft drinks and the pizza

THURSDAY Coffee Cart 10-2 outside the library

WEDNESDAY Grooves on the Green From 12-2 on the Village Green

TUESDAY Coffee Cart 10-2 outside the library

MONDAY Eye Opener Breakfast—8.30am -10 coming to a campus near you

Thursday: Coffee and a Poll

Monday Mor ning Eye Opener Breakfast

in y es a id evi ts r F B y Ea d r e ar nd v Y a E e s th eat B

ves o o r ay G d s e Wedn he green on t

Tuesdays Get your fix with LJ

CO CO CHANEL ONCE SAID “FASHION IS ARCHITECTURE” THINK BOLD THINK COLOUR THINK TEXTURE

THINK COUTURE

PREPARE TO BE INSPIRED BY THE CIRCUS

TICKETS AVAIL A BLE

FROM TICKETEK

WWW.RESTYLEHAMILTON.CO.NZ

10.09.11

18

VOTE FOR THE 8-BALL IN THE COMING WSU ELECTION! OR DON’T! ALL HAIL THE 8-BALL! Will Mr Letcher ever have something useful to say in the ‘Right Cross’ column other than slagging off Labour and Greens supporters?

Yes. On the contrary, Hannibal Letcher’s points are generally so well thought out and so very much on the money that it’s terrifying to think he backs the Nats. With Satan on his side, who knows what could happen. Make friends with this man immediately; you might just be spared when he’s manhandling the country in ten years time.

Has my favourite porn star been affected by the HIV scare in the American porn industry?

It is unlikely.

You have a favourite porn star? That’s a bit weird. Do you find yourself growing attached to this particular porn star, regarding them perhaps as a friend you’ve never met or a pen pal who never writes but instead uploads videos of her/himself getting slammed on to the internet? Do you find yourself growing jealous and slightly tetchy when she’s DP’d by some burly dude-pack or he’s gouged by a twink who clearly doesn’t respect her/him like you do? That’s a bit weird.

Will Nexus ever stop publishing boring articles on religion?

No. As long as there are nervous young men sneaking up on you by the lake with a “survey”, there will be boring articles on religion in Nexus.

As long as there are freaky smiley guys with shrink-wrapped books and conversation-starters about your shoes roaming around by the bus stop, there will be boring articles on religion in Nexus. As long as there are dreadlocked neo-hippie scum, there will be boring articles on religion in Nexus.

Will I pass anything this semester?

Yes? You may have noticed that every half-finished human being has a degree in these crazy days. This is because university is actually really easy. Just submit something. A half-finished essay. A drawing of the lecturer smoking a fine pipe. Anything! If you fail, you might grow discouraged and drop out – and then where would the Uni be?

Without your precious money, that’s where.

How many bears could Bear Grylls grill if Bear Grylls could grill bears?

Yes. Bear Grylls will grill all of the bears. Just give him time.

WITH WITH MADAME RICHARDSON

Taurus: April 21 – May 21 The stars are aligned over the shadow of your birth stone. Feel the auras of those in your classes and tap into them. But don’t take too much or your class will become the birthplace of a zombie apocalypse. Your movie of the week: There Will be Blood.

Gemini: May 22 – June 21 The planets will play a song for you in your dreams and no one will believe you. It’s probably because of your star sign. It also might be the fact that you’re a chronic liar. You probably don’t even know anyone to tell. Your movie this week: A Beautiful Mind.

Cancer: June 22 – July 23 With Jupiter in decline and Saturn still on hold to Studylink, your chances of finding satisfaction with your university work have declined to an unforgiveable level. Keep on going! There’s only six weeks left! Screw the planets! You’re the boss! Your movie of the week: Rain Man. Leo: July 24 – Aug 23 A dog has become interested in Uranus. Think that jokes too low brow? Too bad! It’s all I’ve got! But seriously: space-dogs are fooling with your stars. Try leaving out bottles of water and it should work out OK. Your movie of the week: Dogs in Space. It’s not actually a movie yet. You should make it. It’s made already? Dammit. OK, watch that film.

Virgo: Aug24 – Sep 23 The presence of Pluto is unforgiveable. It’s not even a real planet anymore.

It’s affecting your ability to spell words correctly, no matter how good you are at spelling. Be thankful it’s not a bigger planet, because you might not even be able to fart without calling an ambulance. Your movie of the week: Thunderpants. Severely underrated.

Libra: Sep 24 – Oct 23 Your reading for this week detects abnormal amounts of stupid coming from your flatmates room. Battle stations! Spend a day reading Wikipedia and then bum them out all day. Your movie of the week is Battlefield Earth.

Scorpio: Oct 24 – Nov 22 The food in your fridge is going off. Blame a Taurean. Editor Art is a Taurean.

Blame him. Bearded goon. Your film of the week is Beatle Juice.

Sagittarius: Nov 23 – Dec 21 The stars hold your future but you barely hold down a job. Aim higher or suffer a thousand years of pain for failing to unleash your potential. Be more awesome. You movie: Starship troopers. Still the greatest film ever made.

Capricorn: Dec 22 – Jan 20 A day in the sun will do you good! Unless you’re an albino, in which case a day in the sun could cause serious long term health effects. Your film is Powder.

Aquarius: Jan 21 – Feb 19 If life was a rollercoaster, baby, you’d be dead from the constant strain it would place on your heart and head. Be thankful it isn’t. Your film of the week: Final Destination 3.

Pisces: Feb 20 – Mar 20 Don’t let the kids talking in class weigh you down. Sneak up behind them in the carpark and continue their in-class conversations with them. Even if you weren’t involved. ESPECIALLY if you weren’t involved. Your movie of the week: Fear.

Aries: Mar 21 – Apr 20 Every day, if you wake up, drink a lot of coffee and watch the CNN, you probably shouldn’t let the locusts fly on in. You should also lay off the blues metal: name the song this is referencing in an email to Nexus and you’ll win stuff! GLORIOUS STUFF!

19

DANIEL FARRELL COMMEMORATIVE

Puzzle Page

Brought to you by Mighty Strong Friends of Nexus; Event Cinemas and Frozen Coke Smugglers

We’re leaving together but still it’s farewell. And maybe we’ll come back to earth who can tell? First puzzle – name the song that I’ve quoted there. And if you need Google, you suck. Welcome back to university. For all you first years only doing full year papers; if you have thought university was a bit of hell before now, you are going to find out you’re wrong. The last half of the second semester is far worse. Advice: Don’t get too stressed. Just study a bit and you’ll be sweet. So anyway: nocturnal creatures this week. Have a good week!

THE BIG BAD wordFIND

the wORDS AYMAN BADGER BAT BUSHBABY CAT COCKROACH COUGAR THE ANIMAL COUGER THE PERSON FIREFLY HONEY BADGER

WHAT TO DO

NIGHT OF THE SABBATH

The Furious Puzzle Page

(seriously, it’s pretty darn cross) Brought to you by the strong mind of Event Cinemas, in both Chartwell and Centreplace flavours! Mmmmm, delicious frozen coke!

Be warned, this is the most difficult puzzle page ever!

20

OWL STUDENTS

SUDOKU TIME

AUTEUR HOUSE

TALES FROM TINSLETOWN

WITH DR. RICHARD SWAINSON

WITH JADE CAREY

There’s a school of thought that Ken Russell was once a disciplined, thoughtful filmmaker with a keen insight into the artistic process.

Russell apologists point to his television work in the 1960s, principally

It had been awhile since J.Lo had done anything new until she became a judge on American Idol. After her season on the show she appeared to make a comeback in both her music and her film career. Before Idol she had seemed to have just dropped off the face of the earth, she hasn’t done anything new in a long time and now that her divorce to Marc Anthony is official the truth comes out.

documentaries and docudramas about classical composers. In his insistence on re-creating scenes from the artist’s life rather than relying on still photographs he was the first director to challenge the conventions of British television documentary. A bold use of location shooting and eye for visual detail were combined with a sensitivity that championed often overlooked figures like Sir Edward Elgar.

Russell’s desire to shock what he saw as a complacent British audience out of its cultural slumber was soon to get him into trouble.

Emboldened by the growth in his reputation, his television work became increasingly flamboyant. With “Dance of the Seven Veils”, a study of the life and times of Richard Strauss, this phase of his career saw it apotheosis. Russell’s decision to depict Strauss as a Nazi and to show a Jewish character tortured by SS thugs to the tune of Srauss music outraged the Strauss family. And well it might: the actual Strauss had Jewish relatives and used what influence he had within Nazi Germany to protect them.

Both better and worse was to come from Russell. After a couple of false starts in cinema - including a go at directing Michael Caine as Harry Palmer, the poor man’s James Bond, in “Billion Dollar Brain” - he hit the big time with “Women In Love”, an adaptation of the DH Lawrence novel. It may well have given Glenda Jackson the opportunity to win her first Oscar but the film’s fame rests as much on the nude wrestling scene between Alan Bates and Oliver Reed. In the latter - who confessed to have a quick ‘J Arthur’ before shooting of said scene began to ensure his penis would look bigger than Bates’ Russell found his perfect leading man.

The high point of the pair’s collaboration was without doubt “The Devils”. So extreme that Warner Brothers have consistently refused to release an unedited print, it sees Reed in the unlikely guise of a 17th century French priest. Vows of celibacy mean little to the character, who seduces the sister of his fellow clergyman and marries another before sending Vanessa Redgrave’s looney tunes nun into a masturbatory frenzy. George from “George and Mildred” also turns up as a torturer. It’s pure genius.

Jennifer, 42, is one of the most glamorous superstars in the world; she has had a fantastic career and also found time to have a family. In the wake of her divorce though, the truth came out about what Marc was really like as a husband. Apparently he was insanely jealous and tried to control Jennifer’s career, cash and also her clothes. They released a joint statement saying that the decision to end their marriage was a “very difficult” one, but sources close to the couple have said that Jennifer was tired of Marc’s controlling ways and his desire to turn her into a perfect housewife. “He married a superstar but tried to change her into a traditional housewife,” one of J.Lo’s friends told US magazine In Touch.

Another friend told In Touch magazine that he was threatened by his wife’s success. “He’s totally macho and controlling. Marc has the Latin pride that the man should be the breadwinner.” His bad behaviour escalated on the set of Jennifer’s latest movie The Back-Up Plan, where he’d show up unannounced and wait in his wife’s trailer in a bid to keep her from socialising with the cast and crew. To top it all off, despite knowing that her work commitments required her to be in L.A, Marc moved the family to a secluded Long Island mansion where he expected Jennifer to lay out his clothes and fetch him coffee in the morning, check in throughout the day and make sure dinner was on the table when he got home.

She adhered to her 9pm curfew and instead of ruling the clubs she would spend her nights at home watching TV. Her stylist Phillip Bloch said that what initially attracted her to Marc eventually drove her away. “Marc is very controlling. In the beginning she liked that because he stood up to her.” But that soon changed, Marc even wanted to be with other women an insider close to the couple confirmed.

Jennifer begged him to come with her to couple’s therapy, but he refused and Jennifer began to see just what her life had become and began challenging Marc. After seven years of a marriage like that it’s no wonder J.Lo wants out!

21

AT THE MOVIES WITH DR. RICHARD SWAINSON & JOSH COOPER

BILLY T: TE MOVIE

COWBOYS AND ALIENS

DIRECTED BY IAN MUNE

DIRECTED BY JON FAVREAU

If the point of this wonderfully entertaining documentary is to convince its audience of the abilities and importance of one of the country’s seminal comedic talents then it succeeds magnificently. I lived through the glory years of Billy T. James and frankly I always underestimated his brilliance. James’ last, post heart transplant

Two genres, one film. Is there enough screen space for both genres and two superstars? Well, yes and no.

television series was a terrible way to go out, one of those bland attempts at an indigenous sitcom that was fatally dull whenever it wasn’t just plain embarrassing. At the time it seemed to taint the James legacy.

bracelet on his wrist and a patchy memory. He eventually stumbles his way into the local town and finds he’s in a world of trouble and he can’t remember a thing of what happened. The local authorities apprehend Jake and that’s when the aliens meet the cowboys. The town then finds that Jake holds the key to defeating the aliens and getting its people back.

“Billy T: Te Movie” shares a producer with that particular series so criticism of it doesn’t get much of an airing. This matters not. The strength of the Ian Mune directed and co-scripted film is that it puts James’ failures and failings into perspective. What emerges is a warm, affectionate tribute to a complex individual who taught us to laugh at ourselves in ways that were formerly taboo.

Mune and co-writer Phil Gifford successfully transcend the standard, ‘talking head’ format. The interviews they do use are direct, honest and never outstay their welcome. Peter Rowley, James’ most frequent collaborator, is particularly moving. The perspectives of the elderly couple who facilitated James’ adoption also give insight into the racial dynamics of 1950s New Zealand.

Recreations of aspects of James’ early life are used sparingly and effectively. I especially liked a sequence that looks like it’s been shot at the Regent Theatre in Te Awamutu. Mune is admirably subtle, showing the racism of James’ youth in an indirect manner. It is a classic example of how it is better to be shown than told.

The centre piece of the film is of course James himself, both in full flight as an entertainer and quiet, reflective and humble as an interview subject. The tension between the artist and the man is ever fascinating. Mune’s and Gifford’s contention that James had two conflicting personalities - a contradiction that went well beyond the difference between the public and the private - is compellingly put.

“Cowboys and Aliens” starts with the hero Jake Lonergan (Daniel Craig) waking up alone in the middle of the desert with an alien

The story seems to be a little muddled at times and just plods along without really establishing any sort of ground (What does this mean?).

The story incorporates a typical alien storyline with the cowboy setting: the townspeople and livestock get abducted by the aliens, but in a different setting than we are use to seeing. The film wasn’t filmed in 3D which was a good thing, as I don’t think it could have made the film any better The special effects in this film were effective. The aliens looked really good and took a strong resemblance to the aliens of H.R. Geiger. The alien ships were brilliant and you could see the full ship when they were flown in the sunshine, which was a change from the dark scenes that we are used to in most alien films. The setting was perfect for this film. All the wide shots were full of beautiful, clear landscapes; the setting was the one really outstanding aspect of the film for me.

Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig are the big guns in this film. Daniel Craig played the hero of the film, but I don’t think he played it very well at all; he said next to no lines and spent most of his time blasting aliens, punching baddies and taking his hat on and off. Harrison Ford plays Woodrow Dolarhyde an old colonel who basically runs the town.

His character isn’t very likable until the end of the film. I would have like to have seen him take on more of a senior role than he did as I feel he could have made the movie much better.

Questions about James’ private life go unanswered because his immediate family declined to be involved in the project. If this inherently limits the documentary the flaw is a minor one. 20 years after his death Billy T. James’ best work seems more timeless than ever and twice as brave as that of any current satirist.

If you plan on seeing this film, it’s not a must see at the cinema, but the aliens definitely look good on a 30 foot screen and so do the rolling desert backdrops. I suggest getting the guys together, because it’s not really a girl’s film, which is obvious from the title.

-RS

-JC

22

LOOKING AT NOISES WITH AYMAN ANEECE For those not in the know: power metal is a genre all about over the top showman ship, fantastical and mythic song themes and epic wailing guitar riffs. I suppose one could describe it as the mutant three headed child of heavy metal, glam and dungeons and dragons.

SPIRIT OF UKKO KIUAS

Those who’ve seen me around campus with headphones

may on occasion see me headbanging and lip-syncing poorly with my hand raised like an opera singer. Usually opera singer mode is only evoked by power metal. Though power metal is hated by the other genres of metal, I’ve had a soft spot for it since I was about 14. I love bands like Blind Guardian, Sonata Arctica and the very serious and not at all ridiculous Hammerfall.

Unfortunately the genre takes a lot of flak because of bands like Dragon Force – who seem to use the phrase ‘so far away’ in every one of their songs. Dragon Force are the dregs of the power metal genre and unfortunately seem to be the only band that New Zealanders know about.

Now that you’ve been schooled in the ways of the puffy sweater jacket wearing Scandinavian I can talk to you about Kiuas and their 2005 debut album Spirit of Ukko. Spirit of Ukko is fantastic. Though a little rough around the edges it is a brilliant start for a first release. Kiuas blend power metal with progressive, folk and death metal to create a truly unique sound. They are incredibly prone to starting sing-alongs and Ilja Jalkanen’s vocals create a wondrously mythic experience.

It’s ruthlessly epic with tracks like Warrior Soul and Until we Reach the Shore. Unfortunately both of these tracks are locked away behind 15 minutes of slightly duller, less epic tracks that don’t do it for me as much as the rest of the album; lacking the gusto and power of the aforementioned songs. The rest the tracks are still very good, they just don’t shine like the others. Frankly any band who boasts a track called Warrior Soul that contains the phrase “In battle sworn to die!

He unsheathes the blade with fire in his eyes” is automatically epic but with Jalkanen’s vocals the song isn’t just epic. It’s a completely different, more epic word – like ‘Valhallatastic’ In short, Kiuas are a fantastic band that deserves more attention than they’ve received and will provide power metal fans with something refreshing and delightful, while providing non power metal fans with a surprisingly enjoyable experience that may change their mind about the genre. Go check out Warrior Soul it’ll blow your mind. -A.A. hollow as they once were? Speaking as someone who doesn’t like nor understand the Metal-core genre I can only go so far as to explain my contempt for this band but I will try and remain as professional and unbiased as possible.

So I threw In Waves on. It started with a promising obscure and intriguing piano piece but unfortunately as Capsizing the Sea ended In Waves began –with the generic metal-core guitar and drumming.

Forty something seconds later and the even more generic metal-core

IN WAVES TRIVIUM

When I was about 14 a friend of mine showed me Trivium; namely Pull Harder on the Strings of Your Martyr. I enjoyed it for about a month before I realised how fake an unsubstantial it was.

Essentially it kept the angst that filled in my adolescent mind at the time entertained until better bands filled the void for music with screaming in it. Trivium quickly faded into obscurity – too bland and forgettable to illicit any sense of nostalgia.

It’s been seven years since I stopped listening to Trivium.

Unfortunately the dick stars aligned and I’ve been sent their latest album In Waves. So has Trivium improved? Or are they as boring and

vocals began and five minutes later, the final frosting of mediocrity was applied to the cake of tedium that is Trivium, when the GENERIC clean singing started. I like a combination of clean singing mixed with harsh throaty death vocals and screaming –but a prerequisite of this is the singer needs to be able to sing. This is a downfall of a lot of metalcore; they essentially enlist crappy screamers that try and clean sing and thinking against all evidence that they can sing. Metal-core can be a great genre; bands such as Veil of Maya are awesome. Unfortunately there are so many metal-core bands that are all ear stretchers and no talent they deface the genre and detract from its full potential.

In summary, no part of In Waves is terrible but the sum of all of its parts is so dull and meaningless I couldn’t get into it plus the angsty and dull clean vocals and really unimaginative lyrics were grating.

I struggled to pay attention to it due to its sheer emptiness but I imagine Trivium fans will enjoy it and if metal-core is your thing you may get a kick out of it, though you’d be better off with August Burns Red or Veil of Maya. Sorry Tara.

-A.A. 23

COMICS GALORE RL - BY TOM BEISLY AND DANIEL KEEGAN

Fancy yourself as an artist? Got some sweet comics you want to share? Let us know! Contact us at nexus@waikato.ac.nz 24

Teach English and travel the world.

Live and work overseas with a Cambridge Certificate in English Language Teaching to Adults (CELTA). This intensive 120-hour CELTA course is moderated by the UK University of Cambridge Examinations Syndicate and is recognised internationally as a practical English language teaching qualification. It provides a sound basis in the fundamentals of language teaching practise and develops your confidence in teaching to adults.

2011 Wallace Corporation University of Waikato Blues Awarding excellence in sport, creative and performing arts.

TICKETS ON SALE NOW

To apply contact Waikato Pathways College email

Proudly Sponsored by: Wallace Corporation Ltd, Waikato Students’ Union and Coca-Cola.

pathwayscollege@waikato.ac.nz or phone 07 858 5600.

Managed by: U Leisure.

The next course is in Hamilton 7 November to 2 December 2011. Applications close 26 September.

There’s no stopping you E kore e taea te aukati i a koe Freephone 0800 83 22 42

www.waikato.ac.nz/pathways

Awards ceremony will take place at the Academy of Performing Arts on Friday 30 September at 6.30pm.

Tickets for the Awards evening, buy online at www.waikato.ac.nz/events/blues/

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26

A THESIS IN 3 Debrin Foxcroft knows first-hand the benefits of being able to explain what her doctoral thesis is about in three minutes or less.

The Waikato student’s research question is “Do we sacrifice justice for democracy?” She’s the first to admit there is no simple answer, but her investigations have taken her to South Africa, Chile and Brazil as she endeavours to find out how negotiation processes work and how decisions are made to grant amnesty and impunity for crimes committed by the state, or against the state.

A Waikato Thesis in 3 finalist last year, Debrin’s ability to explain her research clearly and concisely scored her a meeting with the first democratically elected president of Chile following two decades of military dictatorship.

“I was on a plane travelling to Chile from Brazil when I heard people in the seats behind me discussing Chilean politics. I hadn’t been able to set up many interviews in Chile, so I started talking to these people thinking they may be involved in politics.” They weren’t, they were grocers. “But when I gave them my three-minute run down about justice and amnesty issues, they put me onto someone who put me onto someone and before I knew it I had an interview with 92 year old Patricio Aylwin.”

The most interesting thing the President said during the hour long interview was that his conscience was clear.

“He said his government had done the best that they could in the situation, anything more and he feared the military would have staged another coup.”

It no doubt helps when doing her research that Debrin speaks Spanish, German and Italian and some Portuguese. The former Melville High School student studied languages, political science and history for her two bachelor’s degrees at Waikato, took up the University’s study abroad opportunities attending Osnabruck University in Germany then completed a masters degree in journalism at the University of Missouri before returning to Waikato 16 months ago to begin her PhD.

“Chile acknowledged its victims but never named its perpetrators.

Brazil had no truth commission but one is now being discussed. The need for communal justice is very, very, strong.”

Debrin interviewed a variety of people in each country. They included human rights lawyers, politicians, activists, academics and journalists.

She is now transcribing her interviews. Her official end date is February 2013, though she would like to get her thesis done a little earlier. She has a University of Waikato doctoral scholarship to help cover her study costs and her Thesis in 3 experience also helped secure a Zonta scholarship after she presented an outline of her thesis to that organisation.

“I’m going to enter Thesis in 3 again. This time because it’s fun. And I think I have an interesting subject – full of blood and guts and lawyers! I know some students say the competition is extra work, but it’s worth it. I didn’t win, but if I hadn’t been able to present my work on a plane in a concise and non-academic way, then I would never have got the interviews I did in Chile. I don’t think I’d have received the Zonta scholarship either.”

Debrin is not sure of her future post-PhD. She’s applying for post-doctoral fellowships but she’d also like to work for a nongovernmental organisation such as the UN. *****

means in the long run and on a national level.”

Thesis in 3 heats begin in early October – seven in all with the final, sponsored by Prior Blackburn accountants, taking place at the Clarence St Theatre on Wednesday 26 October at 7pm. Entries will be accepted from Monday 22 August at www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/ postgraduate/ and close Friday 16 September with a workshop in early September to provide more information for participants.

She chose to study South Africa, Brazil and Chile because they had all dealt with the question of justice after the transition so differently. “In South Africa for example, the Truth and Reconciliation Committee uses the concept of public forgiveness after admitting guilt, and people are often willing to give up justice for the greater good.

Throughout October, the University of Waikato’s Postgraduate Research Month, there’ll be a series of workshops for doctoral students, different faculty will hold their annual student research conferences and social events, and on Thursday 13 October there’s a quiz night being held at The Station, which is open to everyone – all staff and students.

“I became interested in this whole issue of justice after a visit to Sri Lanka. I started to wonder if the truth and reconciliation process could be applied there and what justice, a really basic human need,

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“A funny one was a guy who was off his face after taking some pills [and] dancing with the wall and stroking [it], saying how soft it was... The things sober people see.�

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FASHIONISTA!

DIARY OF A RAVER

WITH LADY HAYNS

WITH GIG GIRL

Ok girls of Hamilton; I have something I need to say to you. I feel like it’s pretty important so here goes...

This is in reference to the recent ‘Slutwalk’ campaigns going on around the world. In case you didn’t know a Canadian police officer was thrown into the media recently for stating that “women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized “at a crime prevention safety forum in New York. The comment sparked a huge media interest and inspired two women to start the ‘Slutwalk’ protests which campaign against explaining or excusing rape by referring to aspects of a woman’s appearance.

Firstly I dislike the word ‘slut’. It’s a degrading word and it’s used far too often than what it should be, i.e. not at all. I see no need to shame each other and allow men to shame us by calling us sluts, especially in this age of ‘equality’. It seems to me that we’ve achieved equality with men in nearly every aspect of life, bar sexuality. I think instead of us girls trying to make the word our own we should be removing it from use altogether.

Rape and sexual assault are both pretty big deals and it’s not ok to blame a woman for bringing it on herself for what she was wearing.

Girls like to dress up, we like to go out and most of the time we choose outfits not just so a whole bunch of guys can gawk at us and use it as an excuse to sleaze their way over to our table.

I do however have some concerns about the way you’ve been dressing, I honestly think that if you wear see through clothes, lingerie, and belts as skirts (I have seen these combinations) you’re going to attract some creepy comments or some creepy guys are going to try to dance with you. And I will have little sympathy when you complain.

Whatever you want to show off, stay classy with it. If you have a short dress; cover up your cleavage, if you’re rocking a strapless or a backless dress; wear some stockings so it’s not a free for all skin show.

We can still dress up, look nice and stay safe girls.

And don’t take the word slut from anyone.

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For those of you that are regular readers of my column you would have noticed that last week it was missing. Why? Because I failed to submit it in time after four nights out partying in Auckland. Yes, four nights in a row. Not only was my column not submitted on time, but I failed at submitting an assignment that was also due in on the Monday. This was pretty much the icing on the cake of how I let partying get in the way of more important things. So with that in mind I’m going to write about the dilemma that all students face, choosing between a social life, enough sleep and good grades; because let’s face it, you can only choose two out of the three.

We all know that University is the time to grow socially and have fun; it’s where you make friends that last a lifetime. First year goes something along the lines of: getting mashed, playing some flippy cups and remembering not a hell of a lot. And if you are anything like me, you may still be going strong in your third year; out on a Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday night, catching up with friends over a jug of Sangria or a CC & Dry. Enough sleep is something that many students do not get a lot of because you are up all night working on assignments. I know I have had many an all-nighter trying to get assignments done and I’m sure the same goes for you too. You might however be on the other end of the spectrum and be that person who always sleeps in and misses their classes (Guilty), or just have insanely weird sleeping patterns or even insomnia. If you like routine and the right amount of sleep every week, university is definitely not the best place to be.

I know there’s the saying “C’s get degree’s” and it’s true, but I hope you all prefer to work hard and try your best, in attempt at getting good grades rather than the passable C. That is, unless you are lucky like me and only need to do the bare minimum and still manage to get good marks; I’m fortunate and know that not all of you have the same luxury as I do.

So there you have it. Which two will you pick? Good grades? A social life? Or enough sleep?

MAKING LIVING CHEAPER WITH HONEST MATT

RANGATAHI IN THE

WORKPLACE WITH THE YWRC

Hello tight arses. Here is this week money saving tip: Make promises you never intend on keeping.

Unfair dismissal?

“The basis of unfair dismissal law is that employees have the right not to be unfairly dismissed; that is, unless there is just cause due to

Ok - you’re getting pissed up at some house party sneaking a few beers from that random box (its not yours but no has one has said anything) and the all too familiar war cry of “were going to town” is called. Now your first port of call is to immediately locate the sober chap driving everyone to town. This pimply youngster who’s been quietly standing out by the letterbox all night suddenly becomes the coolest cat at the pissup. There’s a bloody good chance you won’t be able to get a ride with him. His first preference is going to be Hot Chicks. He’s probably never had a root so he must take this opportunity and give Hot Chicks first preference. Chicks hate rooting sober dudes so don’t worry about him cutting your lunch.

the employee’s work performance or a business operation reason for dismissal, the employee should not be simply dismissed” (Department of Labour, 2011). If an employee is unfairly dismissed the employee has the right to file a personal grievance within 90 days. Grounds for a personal grievance can include: o unjustified dismissal o unjustified disadvantage o discrimination o racial harassment o sexual harassment o duress relating to an employee’s membership or non-membership of a union

If you miss out on getting a ride with Sober Steve then you may have to jump in a taxi. Traveling to town in a taxi is a money saver’s worst nightmare. I have woken up in a cold sweat after having nightmares of a smug Somalian taxi driver cackling evilly as the meter ticks up another twenty cents.

Get a full contingent of mates (preferably ones with part time jobs) to get in the taxi with you. Shout, “Sweet bro, I got money”. When you get to your destination pat your pockets, look concerned and say, “Shit I don’t have any cash. Can you get this bro? I’ve only got eftpos man!

I’ll shout you some piss in town”. This promise will never happen. As soon as you get into town and its time to make good on that drink its time for you to execute some stealth and cunning.

Quickly get into the bar and make a quick dash to the toilet. Stay there for 10 to 15 minutes before sleuthing out in a cowardly, weasel like fashion. Go to another bar, get new ‘friends’ to shout you piss and confidentially state, “Yeah bro I got the next round”. Keep repeating this practice until you’ve got yourself good and inebriated.

People may think ill of your scallywag, tight-arse behavior, but there’s also a damn good chance they won’t remember anything because they were intoxicated themselves.

Buy an H Card! hcard.co.nz/deals twitter.com/honest_matt

In order to lawfully dismiss you, your boss is required to follow a fair process and there must be a good reason for the dismissal (unless you’re on a trial period). Your employer’s actions will be assessed against what a ‘fair and reasonable employer’ could have done in all the circumstances at the time of the dismissal.

A fair process will usually include the following: • your employer should meet with you at least once • you should be told the precise nature of the allegation(s) against you • you should be told that dismissal could be an outcome of the investigation into the allegation(s) • you should be given a reasonable opportunity to seek independent advice throughout the process; and explain your side of the situation • you should be given the opportunity to have a support person/lawyer present in any meeting with your employer concerning the allegations • the employer should comply with any specific requirements set out in its HR policies/your employment documentation • if the employer is proposing to dismiss you, you should be given the opportunity to comment on that proposal, before a final decision is made • you should be given the reasons for the final decision and that decision should be notified to you in person and in writing Any questions call Kylie from the Young Workers’ Resource Centre, 07 834 7124, kylie@ywrc.org.nz

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THE SODA INC.

COMMERCE COLUMN

THE CHAIR LEG OF TRUTH

WITH NAT GOOD

WITH CHAIR LEG

What is Business Incubation?

Business incubators nurture the development of entrepreneurial companies, helping them survive and grow during the start-up period

I’m not normally one to make topical statements, because there’s not much in this world that keeps me interested. With that in mind, thank fuck for an unstable economy. Seriously. A friend of mine and I

when they are most vulnerable. Incubator programmes provide clients with business support services and resources tailored to the needs of start-up firms. The most common goals of incubation programmes are creating jobs in a community, enhancing a community’s entrepreneurial climate, retaining businesses in a community, building or accelerating growth in a local industry.

are buying a whole bunch of sweet, sweet loot from overseas, and it’s costing us less than a night out on K Road. They might as well pay us to take the stuff off their hands, people.

Business incubators reduce the risk of small business failures.

International research shows much better survival rates for businesses that are incubated. Importantly, UK and USA research has also shown that 84% businesses stay in the local area once they leave the incubation centre.

With the American dollar currently buying little over a dollar and twenty cents here, it’s never been a better time to be from this country (on the back of a column about how awesome foreigners are? The scandal! The outrage!). You can rake in all the goodies from America.

The workers at Amazon are probably running out of places to put all their money.

Why Incubate?

US statistics show that business incubators increase the survival rate of start-up businesses from 35% to 87%. That means for a new business they are more than doubling their chances of survival.

International research shows that incubation programmes also help diversify economies, commercialize technologies, create jobs and build wealth. Incubation can provide a pipeline of innovative companies that can be part of tomorrow’s economic engine room for

The question is, as New Zealand rides a monetary high, singlehandedly keeping the American commodity market afloat, what is the U.S.A. going to do about it? As my friend and I throw money at our desires like the capitalist pig-dogs we are, is America going to sit and lose its status? Probably not, dear children. Chances are that there’s going to be another war soon. I sound pessimistic as all hell, but historically, it’s how the progressive countries solve their problems. Instead of, you know, revitalizing infrastructure, or coming up with legitimate solutions to their problems. Every bond you buy is a bullet in the barrel of your best guy’s gun, folks.

a knowledge-based economy. By enhancing the success of start-up companies, business incubators have the potential to contribute to goals that support sustainable economic development. Startup companies make up a significant proportion of businesses in New Zealand, but their failure rate is high. This failure rate is often attributed to a general lack of business skills, support networks, and/ or difficulties accessing well-priced business facilities.

So when China is balls-deep in your national coffers, and the Federal Reserve is on its knees undoing your belt with its teeth, you bomb some bitches. Like Nicolas Cage in The Wicker Man, you scissorkick some small country nobody’s ever heard of (I’m looking at you, Azerbaijan), because they touched you inappropriately, or because they did something that the public is in opposition to.

While the market can provide some of the services of incubation (e.g. serviced office space, management support programmes, and/or access to finance), business incubators that offer a suite of incubation services to start-up businesses are rare. Also, given that such businesses are high risk, and those that become successful take time to generate a positive cashflow, the market may tend to cater to a portion of companies, usually established businesses with less risk, and/or support innovation in a particular area. Incubators have been proven to help transform a city or region to a knowledge economy that is more weightless and more value-added compared to the commodityoriented primary sector.

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You take this little country, with its Socialist ideals and low crime rate, and you send a rain of fire upon its citizens. Thick clouds of greasy smoke lay over your new wasteland, and you get a momentary respite from being crushed under the weight of your own economic problems. Isn’t politics fun? Not that New Zealand is any different.

I’m being realistic. We just don’t have the manpower to throw a war at our problems. Otherwise Azerbaijan, Abkhazia, and Australia would all be under the sword, just so we could rest easy in the knowledge that crippling financial and moral deficits are the problems of the next generation.

BOGANOLOGY 101

CAFES: LIKE A BOSS

WITH BURTON C. BOGAN

WITH MRS MATTHEWS

The Origin of the Faeces This column might cause me a few problems, as I’m talking about the history of Heavy Metal.

Mexicomidas 12 The Market Place, Cnr Hood St & Victoria St, Hamilton.

History is frequently written by the victor – as a columnist I view myself in the current context as a victor. So this is my history amongst many; disclaimer over.

Inhale...and...

Classic Heavy Metal came from Rock and Blues. The balls of Rock, mixed in with the tragedy and discontent of Blues. From this tradition came Black Sabbath, to my mind the first Heavy Metal band. Others point to Led Zeppelin or Blue Cheer, but those are Hard Rock.

Connected to Black Sabbath via geography were the New Wave of British Heavy Metal bands, such as Motorhead and Diamond Head.

This then lead to the creation of contemporary Heavy Metal from the late 70s and early 80s. Thrash began with The Big 4 (along with several other notables such as Testament). They combined the speed of Rock with the political discontent (and associated smugness) of Punk to form something new.

Around this time came the start of Black Metal with those lovers of bondage gear and Satan, the band Venom. Death Metal came slightly later, arguably initiated through Slayer, with later prolific bands such as Death, Possessed, and Deicide (aren’t they a happy bunch?). I am of course, ignoring our intellectually disabled cousins, Glam Metal, which arguably also began in the late 70s/early 80s. Wikipedia sites Alice Cooper, KISS, and Aerosmith as Glam Metal bands, which makes 12 year old Dave want to cry and scrub himself in the shower. He liked these three bands but hated Glam Metal in general.

Bon Jovi sux, but I digress. Nu-Metal began with Korn in the mid 90s.

Korn were also to blame for Limp Bizkit, as the band made Fred Durst (their tattoo artist) famous through getting him a deal. He repaid them by becoming a backwards cap wearing Silus Greenback, who talks to people with his hands in music videos. Later in the time line, came modern sub-genres – that are largely just a way for the kids to feel special. As a previous discussion regarding genre concluded – they all get a bit silly and it becomes hard to distinguish one from the other so I’m going exclude them here. Progressive Metal is a nonsense label... and exhale... I can start breathing normally now. Stay Bogan \m/

We came here because the friends we were dining with had recommended it, and because I hadn’t had decent Mexican food for a while and lately I’d really been hankering for some. One of the friends said if I didn’t give it a good review he didn’t know if we could be friends anymore. Well I’m still hankering and it looks like I might be losing a friend.

From the moment we walked in something felt a little off, I’m not sure if it was the complete lack of staff or the tacky decor that got me. I understand that Mexicomidas is not aiming to be fine dining and that the food is not terribly expensive, but at $17 for a modestly sized main, I do feel that there could be a little more attentiveness. Oh, and real plates.

We started with corn chips and some Jalapeno Poppers. The Jalapeno Poppers were wonderful; crunchy and oozing warm peppery cheese, with a crisp slice of jalapeno nestled inside. The Husband selected the Beef Grande Quesadilla and I chose a Mini Chimichanga; a deep fried Chicken burrito type thing. To be honest I couldn’t taste much difference between the filling of my Chimichanga and the Husband’s Quesadilla, it seemed to be a suspiciously similar mush. You do get to choose the chilli level, ranging from mild to gringo killer. Unless you want to burn your mouth to cinders I recommend mild to medium.

The drinks at least were worth mentioning. As a table we devoured a Marguerita jug and a carafe each of Sangria and Alcopolco gold (a fruity-limey-delicious-tequila thing). They were all amazing and delicious, but filling around four glasses and at $25-$30 they weren’t terribly cost effective.

I’d heard there was a Chilli-Chocolate Cake but sadly discovered that they no longer offer it. They say they are working on Churros, but for now have no desserts. I’m really not sure how I feel about a restaurant with no desserts.

Before we left, the crazies decided to try the ‘El Diablo’, a chilli shot in beer. When they ordered the staff laughed at them. What followed was ten minutes of sobbing from the other side of the table as they struggled to finish those damn drinks. They say they’ll be back for more El Diablo’s next week. I don’t believe them.

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35

PWNED:

PORTAL 2

REVIEWED BY SAM PRESCOTT

When Portal was released, a side game on a larger bundle called the Orange Box, a furore was caused around it. How could such a short game be so great? Portal, a three hour long thrill ride, was so great that even now, four years after its release, catchphrases uttered by the unforgettable characters are still remembered and used in popular internet culture.

The core mechanic is simple – you have a gun, but this gun does not kill. Oh no, this gun creates portals, through which any object can go, including yourself! With this simple mechanic (combined with relatable, memorable characters and a very good, challenging learning curve) Valve created a masterpiece. But how do you make a sequel to the game that was lorded as one of the best games of the decade, and by far the stand out release of 2007?

By releasing this: Portal 2. Valve took the feedback they had recieved on Portal, and kept some key parts of gameplay, added new mechanics and removed old ones. On the list of removed mechanics was the Energy ball mechanic, notorious for its ability to be cheated and the annoying feature of killing you instantaneously upon contact. Added in lieu, however, was a laser “thermal discouragement beam” which can be redirected through portals and through special reflector cubes.

The single player campaign takes the story from Portal (however little there was) and expands upon it, making Aperture feel like a living, breathing organization with the stellar casting and voice acting lending themselves to a well thought out, well executed script. Portal was brilliant for its ability to tell the story through the use of gameplay mechanics, but Portal 2 takes it a step further, using the mechanics to drive the narrative directly.

The first two acts have you moving throughout the facility major, while the third and fourth take you on a nosedive through uncharted territories, introducing new characters and mechanics gradually as you go. The game coaches you gently in a way that is fun and addictive, teaching you the appropriate navigation of hazards and obstacles in an unobtrusive way.

The cooperative campaign included is a new feature in Portal, thoroughly tested for a long time by Valve. By introducing another set of portals, each puzzle increases in complexity, leading to a very structured level system designed to allow the player to learn at his or her own pace. All the key mechanics from the singleplayer are there but with the added twist of an extra player. There is no penalty for dying, but griefing is not a problem as there are only disadvantages in store for killing your partner. Particular moments are extremely mouth opening, awesomely rewarding challenges when finally figured out, but will have all but the best logical minds stumped, waiting for the “aaaaah!” moment.

This game is one of the best games ever released, surpassing it’s stellar predecessor and cementing itself in to some of the greatest games ever, including the likes of Super Mario Brothers. Well worth the $30 USD on Steam.

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KEVIN PRYOR GOES DOWN ON BOOKS HOW TO BE FREE - BY TOM HODGKINSON Those of you with elephantine memories will remember that I reviewed Tom Hodgkinson’s book, ‘How to be Idle’ last year. ‘How to be Free’ is the sequel to that bible of sloth. Whereas How to be Idle is an instruction manual in the art of loafing, How to be Free is a guide on how to achieve it.

For, let’s face it, the idea of lying around all day on a hammock is immensely appealing, but certain practical obstacles lie in the way of such a lifestyle.

These include lack of money, boredom, social taboos, and the likelihood of an existential crisis.

How to be Free will teach you how to defeat these barriers. With chapter titles such as ‘Death to Shopping: Fleeing the Prison of Consumer Desire,’ and ‘Reject Career and All its Empty Promises,’ you can see what I mean.

Peppering his text with quotes from literature and history, Hodgkinson gives you all the encouragement you need to say ‘fuck you’ to your boss and simply quit your job. Hodgkinson is the antithesis of the Tony Robbins’ of this world.

Whereas Robbins extols you to ‘Go, Go, Go,’ TH tells you to ‘Stop, Stop, Stop.’

As you’ve probably guessed by now, How to be Free is a direct contradiction of pretty much everything your parents and teachers told you when you were growing up. You might even be tempted to think it’s a parody of self-help books; that Hodgkinson is taking the piss. I can assure you - he’s not.

How to be Free is a direct challenge to prevailing capitalist ideology, and is almost anarchistic in its message. If you thought Anarchism ended with the death of Proudhon – think again. Hodgkinson’s books are best sellers in the United Kingdom.

Don’t take the Freedom you enjoy as a student for granted. The relaxed lifestyle, doing as you please, can all die a pretty quick death once you join a giant corporation. Stay Free – read this book.

JUDY READS...

THE GIVER - BY LOIS LOWRY

The Giver is one of the books mum or someone bought me when I was about 11 and angry with the wishy-washy books they pimp at pre-teen girls. The babysitters club and books about horses just didn’t appeal. This one did. I’m pretty sure I’ve read it more than twenty times, and forced other girls who also liked book and who hated books about horses

We follow the story of Jonas, who is in his 12th year of life, and the year during which everyone is assigned the role they will have in the community for the rest of their lives.

He lives in a regular nuclear family situation with his parents and younger sister. Kids go to school, socialize but they also have

to read it too. I’m sure boys have read it and liked it, it’s not gender specific or anything, they just seemed to have more choices with the pre-teen fiction in school libraries.

hours where they work in the community to see what they might be good at as adults, and as the ceremony where assignments are announced draws closer Jonas still has no idea what his will be. I want to say more about the plot, but doing so would be unfair.

I discovered I had it in my kindle during the break between A and B semester and re-read it in like a day. And it still held up.

The Giver is soft science fiction, based in the future in a community that seems utopian. Everything is ordered and controlled, but in a pretty normal way.

It’s the things that we’d actually quite like in our ideal societies like very little pain, no suffering and starvation, no poverty with few of the super nasty things that seem to be going on behind the scenes in other novelised utopias.

I’m not sure that this is a book uni students will want to be reading. But if you see it lying around you should give it a shot. It’s pretty sure because it’s pitched at kids, and it’s a really good story even if you aren’t into the science fiction things. And if you know a 12 year old girl who is hating on the baby sitters club and books about ponies you who has a birthday coming up, this is totally a good idea. She may love you forever.

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