issue 20

22 August 2008

FEATURES 19 The Band Experiments: Heat Two

REGULARS AND RANDOMS 02 < 03 Editorial 05 Low Five 06-08 Meet the Candidates 14-16 Lettuce 17 Rant 24-27 WSU 28 Magic 8 Ball 28 Caption Comp 29 Notices 30 Sports Thoughts 30 Agony Art 31 Puzzle Page 32 Boganology 32 The Nerdary 33 Religion Column 34 Moving Pictures 34 Movie Review 35 Book Reviews 35 Phat Controller 36 Citric 37 Gig Guide 39 BUSTED

A sneak peek at next week’s Band Experiments lineup, courtesy of Music Ed Carl Watkins

20-23 The WSU WOF Wondering who to vote for in this year’s WSU elections? We offer our entirely unofficial Warrant of Fitness for Waikato Student’s Union candidates, so check it out!

NEWS 6-13 On the Campaign Trail 08, AGM report, politicians keep promises, Trolley Derby rolls once again, Meet the Candidates speeches report, Vault, and the Nexus Haiku News

Editor: Joshua Drummond (nexus@waikato.ac.nz)

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS

Design: Talia Kingi (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz)

PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR

Advertising: Tony Arkell (admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz/021 176 6180)

ANYONE. TO THOSE TWO GIRLS IN GRANT’S GROUP: YOU’RE ABSOLUTE DICKS. I’M NOT

Assistant to the Editor: Grant Burns (news@nexus-npl.co.nz)

WORRIED ABOUT YOU READING THIS, BECAUSE I DOUBT YOU CAN READ.

Music Ed: Carl Watkins (toezee@gmail.com) Books Ed: Kelly Badman

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS?

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EMAIL nexus@waikato.ac.nz OR admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176

Games Editor: Antony Parnell

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Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road,

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PHONE: 07 838 4653

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FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: nexus@waikato.ac.nz

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In 1990, when I was seven, I was gathered with my peers into the assembly hall of the Kerikeri Christian School and told, by the

little easier. I’m pretty sure that was my first taste of both religious and political skepticism, as well as the fact that my learned elders were

Mull on that, and lie awake at night worrying that if John McCain gets elected and dies in office (a 2/3 chance, according to estimates)

headmaster, that World War Three was about to begin and the world about to end.

The appropriate bits of the Revelation of John were read out. Unimaginable horrors (six-foot locusts with scorpion tails, beasts with seven heads, Satan, etc) would be unleashed, we were told solemnly, because Event X meant that Biblical Prophecy Y would be fulfilled and the sinners would nuke each other. Then Jesus would come and mind-kill everyone who was left.

But that was okay, because Jesus Christ would (hopefully, depending on which brand of endtimes theology you favoured) return to Earth and scoop all us believers up before the Great Tribulation, as they called it, began. We were advised to get our souls in order, lest we be...

Left Behind. We were told this, I should point out, as something to be happy about.

I was seven, believed every word, and went home literally shaking with fear, as probably did plenty of my classmates. I’ve forgotten the precise timing and political situation that led to the announcement, but it was probably something to do with the dissolution of the Soviet Union, which my elders probably attributed to the Illuminati. I went to my parents in terror and asked if the world was really about to end. Conscientious Christians both, they consulted the Bible and came back with answers designed to comfort. It would be okay, because the school had probably gotten some trivial detail of prophecy wrong, and even if the world did end, they assured me, there was no way that Jesus would let a little kid be... Left Behind.

often barking mad.

Which brings me, in a fairly tangential way, to the American elections, and, of course, the WSU elections. I know, another week in a row.

Hang around, and I’ll drop in a few puns.* If you feel like having your higher functions take a holiday you can either a.) take a bath with a toaster, b.) spend a night drinking with WSU Director AJ, or c.) read Left Behind. It is a series of books about the End Times as seen from the perspective of the American Religious Right, and, judging from the continued success of Investigate magazine, a scary amount of New Zealanders as well. I won’t bore you with the details; if you want that you can read the books. Essentially Jesus “raptures” all the Religious Right into heaven, and the people …Left Behind get to fight the Antichrist.

There is a lot of specious politics based around semi-present day events, mostly to do with Israel and the Middle East, mixed with creative interpretations of St John’s mushroom trip, and (spoiler warning) everyone who doesn’t join Jesus dies horribly. It’s the Religious Right’s wet dream. It’s the event my parents used to pray for - indeed, when many Christians pray for the swift return of the Lord, this is what they’re asking for. It’s what I was expecting that day back in 1990.

Here’s what’s scary. George W Bush is known to believe in some variant on this scenario.

Prospective Vice President Sarah Palin almost certainly does as well. Barack Obama may even believe in bits, given that he identifies as a Christian. Now, you might think, that if more people knew that Dubya believed in this sort of rubbish he wouldn’t have been elected Leader of World. Wrong-o. One of the reasons he was elected is precisely because he believes in this.

Sarah Palin will be President and might start trying to give God’s Divine Plan a hurry-up. The moral of the story? Don’t vote for loonies. Too bad you can’t vote in the US elections, huh?

Well, luckily, an election is going down next week where every vote counts. You’ll be electing your student peers to look after over a million dollars in student money and a not inconsiderable asset base. But you only have their chalky assurances that they’re not complete mental cases. Last year, Nexus had a good go at providing in-depth election coverage and criticism. This led to what could be politely described as a mess and more accurately as a clusterfuck. Dark rumours were spread about Nexus’ editorial content being controlled by parties unknown in the WSU. I don’t know. Maybe it was the Illuminati.

All this culminated in our magazines being stolen.* *

When the crisis, whatever it was, passed without supernatural incident, I breathed a

That isn’t stopping us going to print with each candidate’s blurb, plus our own commentary, in a handy pull-out centrefold. We’re calling it the WSU Warrant Of Fitness. Once that’s been done, you’ll hopefully have a bit of information to go on that isn’t just personality politicking and bad chalking. It’s on page 20-23, and we’ve got info on 6-8 as well. Make sure you put the future of the Waikato Student Union in the right hands. Don’t get… Left Behind.

* Lie. There are no puns. Not sorry. **I should point out that we know exactly who stole the magazines, and we’re watching you. Also: You’re a dick.

1. Are you going to vote in the WSU elections? Who and why?

2. Are you going to vote in the NZ general election? Who and why?

3. Who should win the US elections?

4. How sick are you of all these elections going on?

5. If you were a politician, what would be your slogan?

1. Yea, some chick named Krysten told me to vote for her.

2. Yea, National, Labour lies.

3. Barack Obama 4. To be honest, I’m very sick of them. There’s just so much crap every where about them.

5. ‘Vote for me or die!’

1. Probably not. Depends if it’s raining.

2. Probably Greens because I have cannabinoid receptors in my brain.

3. Barack Obama, so we can see another President assassinated.

4. Don’t take much notice really.

5. ‘Increase the Peace’. ‘Eat my poo.’

1. Yip, Jeff because he puts on the mean events.

2. Yes, ALCP (Aotearoa Legalise Cannabis Party) because they’re the only party that I totally understand all their policies.

3. Don’t care; doesn’t affect me.

4. I don’t care, it’s all good. Has to be done.

5. Because somebody has to win’

1. Yes, Pene because I’ve seen his name written every where.

2. Yes, Greens because New Zealand should always be green.

3. Barack Obama, go the black man.

4. Doesn’t bother me really.

5. ‘Peace and Love’

1. Probably, no idea yet because I haven’t made up my mind.

2. Yes, but I’ll decide on the day.

3. Barack Obama because he’s younger.

4. Pretty damn bored of them all.

5. ‘Make love, not war’

By Grant Burns The heat is on, the pressure is building, and judgement day is nigh (for the WSU elections), so Nexus is back with the other candidate profiles to help you make that informed and important decision.

If you are not planning on voting, then change your agenda because these elections are all about you. The candidates that are chosen in this election will represent you around campus and on the national stage; they are your voice that can make a difference.

Every vote counts and yours is no exception, so meet the rest and vote on the best.

QUESTIONS: 1. Why are you running for President/Vice-President/director?

2. Why would you make a great President/Vice-President/ director?

3. What are your policies?

4. What do you aim to achieve if you are elected?

5. Tell us something about yourself.

Joseph Mooney is running, for the second time, to be elected President of the Waikato Students Union 1. Because the President has the opportunity to lead a motivated group of students in making the university a great place for all of us students to study at, and I have the motivation, the experience and the vision to bring the talents of a group of diverse individuals together to make that happen. Also because the President is the face of the organisation and it’s time for a fresh face.

2. My experience running very diverse teams on 3 continents would stand me in great stead for leading the team. I would also bring a fresh perspective to leading the organisation having utilised new internet based technologies to revolutionise the organisational structures of businesses before, and would bring this to the WSU. 3. I don’t intend to reinvent the wheel but to make it turn a little better. By that I mean that I will build on the work of previous execs by advocating strongly for Waikato students on a local and national scale and creating more awesome events. I will however expand on this by making the organisation easier to access and influence for students so we can more closely represent your interests.

4. I would very much like to see free or at the very least cheaper internet on campus as I believe that reasonably unfettered access to the greatest information resource in history is crucial to a modern world class education. Continuing on from this I intend to get more on-going student involvement in the WSU outside the elections by things such as online polls on the WSU website to give the exec direct feedback on how you think we’re doing and what you’d like us to do. And the 2009 WSU elections should be online...if Estonia can do it for their national elections I reckon we can do it for our elections.

5. I’ve done many diverse things around the world and am currently studying for an LLB. I love sports like mountain biking and surfing, making music and life in general. I’m a friendly and approachable guy and pretty easy to get along with, but I’m comfortable being at the end of the accountability line and doing what it takes to make things happen. I’m married to a very cool woman (sorry ladies) with two very cool kids.

Anya Varejchina is running for both Vice-President and Director.

1. Because I think I could do the job well. I’d be a fresh face at the WSU with new ideas and can think outside the square.

2. Because I am a good leader and I would come with fresh ideas. Also, I would add another female to the predominantly male board.

3. Giving students more of a voice, such as building more awareness about Contact 89FM. Also, trying to get free internet for all students.

4. Get students more involved in campus activities; build more of a community on campus.

5. I am studying a LLB and a BA in English. I went to school in England for five years and then came to New Zealand which I love.

Natalie Good is running, for the first time, as a Director.

1. Because I want to help the students and make campus a more enjoyable and fun place to study.

2. Because I’m tidy in my work, finish everything that is required of me, and always make an effort with everything I do.

3. I would like to create Waikato’s very own Snow Jam on campus.

4. To get approval for a campus Snow Jam and give out more free stuff to students.

5. I am a passionate snowboarder and love all types of sport. I have been selected to represent New Zealand in the World Uni Games in China next year.

Gabrielle Kershaw is running for the first time as a Director.

1. Because I have the experience and I love helping people out and serving my community.

2. My age and experience help. I also have very good people skills and can deal with anyone’s problems.

3. People are my passion. I also aim to standa for women, international students, and Maori.

4. Creating a balance between study and recreation for students.

5. I am a third year law student who hopes to work for human rights after attaining my degree. I have five children and love having a good time.

Beaudine Tahau is running for the first time as a Director.

1. I want to build my experience, trying something new, and help out the university.

2. I am easy going and open-minded to all suggestions from any students.

3. Voicing student’s opinions and making sure everyone is included and has their ideas heard.

4. Arranging more events for students and free giveaways.

5. I am studying a sports and leisure degree, and also enjoy snowboarding and music

Rachel Wark is running for her second term as a Director.

1. I am currently involved with the WSU and I’d love to continue my work and helping students.

2. I have experience with this work already. I know the ropes so I can continue on my work in 2009.

3. To do more for recycling on campus.

4. Work on applying sustainability to the campus and also working to get more recycling bins.

5. I am currently studying a communications degree. I love summer and sports such as surfing and snowboarding.

7

Jane Nguyen is a first time candidate for Director.

1. I believe it would be really good to have an international student on the board because I can offer a different cultural perspective.

2. Because I have a positive view about other cultures.

3. Connectivity, allowing domestic students to meet international students and gain a different perspective.

4. I would like to get more Kiwi students on the exchange programme and allow them to understand other cultures. For international students I would like to host more events and festivals to promote cultural awareness.

5. I am currently studying a BMS honours. I love music, the beach, and studying hard.

Krysten Vonk is running for the first time as a Director.

1. I think it would be an awesome experience to advocate studentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s opinions and ideas.

2. Because I am a good listener, open-minded, organised, and nonjudgemental.

3. I am passionate about helping people and the environment. I think I could fit into any portfolio.

4. More recycling bins on campus. Also, raising the profile and awareness of WSU, especially for first year students.

5. I am in my second year of a BMS, however I am not a management clone. I also love sport, rock music, and helping others.

Denis Tokunai is running to keep his position on the WSU for another year.

1. I want to build on the things we did this year. Continuing to get students more involved in the university.

2. Experience, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been here for five years so I have a good understanding about how the university works and what can be done to make it even better.

3. Having a voice for international students. As an international student myself I understand what it is like to be lost in a foreign place and I want to help those who need support.

4. Support all students with their needs and concerns.

5. I am currently in my fifth year of a BMS and LLB degree. I am from Papa New Guinea and after I got used to the cold, I fell in love with New Zealand.

NEWS ISSUE 20

September 22 2008

news@nexus-npl.co.nz

YAYGM!

Free beer and pizza works

By Grant Burns

On Wednesday 17th the Annual General Meeting was held with freeloading and democracy-practising students attending to hear the 2009 agenda and budget - and to meet the candidates of the upcoming WSU elections.

The turnout was pleasing with over 160 students taking full advantage of the free beer and pizza on offer. “I need more beer!” yelled one student. A loud belch resonated from the back of the hall as the meeting opened, suggesting everybody was comfortable.

The meeting began with an opening address and President’s summary by current WSU President Moira Neho - which was accepted with an enthusiastic round of “Aye”.

Changes documented from 2007 were the inclusion of a ‘Men’s representative’, MASH (Male Advocates for Sexual Health), and the SGM that fiddled with the WSU’s status, enabling it to remain a Charitable Organisation – which means it will stay tax free.

The WSU Constitution change of 2007 was agreed to be continued upon in 2009. This means that candidates can run for director during

the elections, and portfolios are chosen after the winning candidates are known.

As the meeting progressed towards matters for 2009, it was pointed out that WSU has $66,000 in surplus and suggestions were made for O’Week 2009. “A beach volleyball tournament!” shouted one student.

“Let’s get Metallica to play”, yelled another.

However, a majority agreement was made over having concerts again for 2009, despite small ticket sales for The Datsuns and Supergroove contributing to O’Week 2008 recording a loss.

Also, extra money has been allocated for more day-time events and activities during O’Week 2009.

In addition, through majority votes, Lewis Chapman and BDO Spicers were reappointed as WSU solicitors for 2009; WSU full-time membership stayed the same at $95.00, and all WSU honorariums remained unchanged as of 2007.

As a whole, the meeting was a success, ran smoothly from beginning to end, and everybody left satisfied and slightly tipsy.

9

“According to opinion polls the public consider politicians to be about as trustworthy as used car salespeople or professional wrestlers”

Promises, promises

Politicians keep them… sometimes

By Lucy Smith

Voters have always taken promises made by politicians in election year with a healthy dose of scepticism – but new research has suggested that this is not always warranted.

Nathan McCluskey, a University of Canterbury PhD student, has spent the last six years reviewing 33 years of New Zealand government and found that the major political parties in this time kept at least half of their pre-election promises.

“According to opinion polls the public consider politicians to be about as trustworthy as used car salespeople or professional wrestlers.

“All of which lends itself to a popular impression of dishonesty and a fundamental lack of integrity which colours not only the way individual politicians are viewed, but whether the parties themselves can be trusted

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In his research, McCluskey found that both the Labour and National parties were better at keeping their word before 1984, averaging about 80 percent delivery on pre-election promises. Muldoon’s was the most reliable government, which kept 88 percent of its promises, while the worst was the 1996-99 National government, which made good on only 50 percent.

However, despite long-serving governments getting better over time, McCluskey found that voters did not actually reward parties for keeping promises. Electoral support dropped in every case, meaning in effect that “there appears to be no electoral pay-off to parties for doing what they said they would.”

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to keep any promises at all.” McCluskey says this causes scepticism and a lack of faith in our representative electoral system.

If you are interested, please contact Susan at 834 9222 or email susan@pathwaysnz.com

Trolley Derby rolls again

Nexus to wow spectators with mega-trolley of awesomeness

By Courtney Mellor

The WSU’s infamous Trolley Derby is coming up again and it promises to bring high speed hijinks to spectators and competitors alike.

The third trolley derby will be held on October 11 with events kicking off at 11am outside Gate 7 on Hillcrest Road.

Organizer James “Elmo” Harnett said the event is all about having fun and is a bit of a laugh, even though some teams may end up with a few broken bones.

“Last year some guys made their trolley out of a fridge and it flipped over halfway through the course, the driver ended up with a broken arm but it was a great view from the side lines”.

The objective is basically to get down the hill as fast as possible, there are three heats before the final which run from 11am to 1pm and then at 2pm the five best times will compete head to head for the title ‘fastest trolley ‘.

“A lot of people enter just for a bit of a laugh and some people enter to win, in the last two races we’ve held the same team has won and their looking to take home the top spot again,” Elmo said.

Last year’s winner of the prestigious Best Trolley award was the medieval club who fashioned their trolley out of a rocking horse. The driver wielded a jousting pole and the club even had a squire running along side with coconuts in his hands to make it sound like a horse.

Nexus has a proud association with the Trolley Derby. Previous entries have included a Nexus effort that consisted of two shopping trolleys strapped to a bike. This earned the intrepid Nexus team the “Jackass Award,” and saw the inception of a strict No Shopping Trolleys rule.

Last year Nexus writer Victim C entered the Trolley Derby the day before the race and stayed up all night making his trolley. “When it was finally complete it was time for a well deserved rest before the big day, when he woke up he discovered that his trolley had been stolen, it was really guttering,” Elmo said.

This year, Nexus’ top-secret entry has been hidden carefully. It is designed and built once again by Vitamin C, who promises it will approach supersonic speeds, as well as having wooden wheels.

Teams are usually made up of 3 people, with one driver and two “engines” or pushers but there are no limits on choosing the daredevil driver who is willing to risk possible loss of limbs.

Never fear though, the St. Jones Ambulance team is on the sidelines all day just in case.

Spectators are encouraged to bring along banners to support their mates and dress up in theme. Elmos is also looking into a Miss Derby competition, which last year resulted in a guy dressed up in drag taking home the title.

The first trolley derby took in around 80 spectators and last year that rose to 130. This year over 200 students are expected to attend. “The crowds range anywhere from first year students to pensioners who are all out for a bit of fun”.

There will be a BBQ and drinks are BYO. There is a strict “sober driver” clause for trolley drivers, but drinking is fair game for anyone else.

The prizes for the winners are still being negotiated with sponsors but James Harnett guaranteed they will be worth it.

If you’re interested you can pick an entry form from the WSU building on campus or download one from the website.

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11

Look Who’s Talking Now

Starring John Travolta, WSU candidates

By Grant Burns

As the decision days draw closer, the WSU electoral candidates have been doing some frantic electioneering to boost their chances – by which we mean “one lousy two-minute speech during the Annual General Meeting.”

All the candidates running for President, VicePresident, Vice-President Maori, and director spoke. Nexus sat, watching, judging – and here is what we thought.

First to speak were the Presidential candidates.

Joseph Mooney came dressed for the part – green headband, squash racquet, Lazer Zone protective vest, and headphones. A feathered masque hung by his side. His message was that he stands for all the different types of students Waikato has lurking around. Joseph was confident, enthusiastic, and even bought his family along with him. (Aww).

Rising to the sound of applause, Ben Delaney came across as a confident, witty, and visionary candidate. “I know about adversity,” Ben said.

“I’m a five-foot man in a six foot world.” This drew more applause. Ben showed character and pointed towards his experience as current Vice-President Maori to back up his claim that students should vote for him.

The Vice-Presidential speeches began with Anya “the Russian” Varejchina. She surely looked the part, despite clearly making up a rather breathless spiel on the spot. She wants to be VP because she thinks “I’d be good at it,” and says she has fresh ideas and would be another female on a mostly male Board.

Glen Delamere began his speech by claiming “I’m glad this isn’t a beauty contest or I’d be in the shit”. He listed his previous WSU experiences and contribution to MASH, and was well-spoken and gentlemanly.

Although it seems Whetu has already won the Vice-President Maori seat by default, he still radiated his humorous and bubbly personality on to the crowd. He confessed “I don’t have any policy, just like the National Party”.

12

Comfortingly, he offered to make it up as he goes along.

women’s groups and helping female students on campus.

The director’s speeches were short but concise, each giving off an impression of their personality and what they stood for.

Krysten Vonk declared “I think Uni is about working hard and playing even harder”. A first-year female student, Krysten lives in the Student Village and is passionate about helping other boarding students.

Beaudine Tahau was quiet flamboyantly dressed for a candidate who was timid in front of a large crowd. Nevertheless, he explained his sport and leisure background and said we should vote for him, in about 17 syllables.

Perhaps he’s a fan of the Haiku News.

David Snell declared proudly that he brings “Bogan values to the campus.” He wore his colours on his chest – in this case, an AC/DC shirt. David was a humorous, well-spoken candidate who pointed to his experience at Nexus and around the university, serving on various committees and societies, as to why he should be a director.

Matt Gatchell spoke honestly from the start: “How’re you doing, I’m nervous.” His main concerns were representing the teaching sector and reading from his cue cards, which appeared to present some difficulty.

Natalie Good was cool, calm, and collected. A snowboarding law student, Natalie came across as a down-to-earth person who wouldn’t be afraid to speak her mind. She was also one of very few candidates with a clearly-defined policy: To bring a Snow Jam to the Waikato campus. Wonderful.

Jane Nguyen was an Asian student who spoke passionately about helping out the International community on campus.

Productivity and making better choices for students was Jane’s main policies. She was greeted with warm applause, and spoke well, despite some English difficulties.

Gabrielle Kershaw stated that “my passion is people”. Dressed in an orange top and actual policies, Gabrielle said she would work for

Denis Tokunai is half New Zealander, half Papa New Guinean who aims at organising more events for international students. A management and law student, Denis said he is very experienced with the university and would love to contribute more as a director.

Andrew James, as always, was elegantly dressed in stubbies, a flamboyant top, and sported a backwards hat. His policy priorities are about making Waikato are more enjoyable place for students and announced that he has been selected as Team Manger for 2009 Uni Games. Also, he stated proudly, “I’ve created a strategic alliance with the bars in town.” We bet he has.

Rachael Wark, the current environmental director, said she wants to continue her work on campus. “I want more recycling on campus” said the capable blonde candidate.

There wasn’t a lot more, but recycling is great!

Yay! And last but not least, Jeffery Hawkes took the stage. WSU veteran and Ex-President of the Wintec student association SAWIT prior to being hit by a train, Jeffery wore a t-shirt promoting the student radio station Contact 89 FM. A well-spoken, confident candidate, Jeffery rounded up the candidate speeches promising to play his soundbite on Contact FM. Nexus slavered with anticipation.

So there you have it: there’s now no excuses left for you not to practise your democratic right this week. You’ve meet the candidates and heard what they have to say, so be sure to cast a vote on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday, because you have the power to choose who represents your voice in 2009.

Vault

By Grant Burns Everybody knows that all politicians are liars.

Oh, you don’t? Well here’s a textbook example of a politician writing fiction with his mouth to get into Parliament. National MP and Minister of Education, Lockwood Smith, made a promise that he would abolish student fees if he and National got into Parliament, otherwise he would resign.

In 1990, the National Party seized power with over 47 percent of the vote. However, a year and a half into their three-year term student fees remain and look like they will increase. So, obviously Lockwood Smith must have resigned, right? Wrong! The Minister of Education still holds his seat, but not his promise.

Lying Bastard

31st July 1991 - Vol. 24 Issue 16

the current $1300 enrolment fee and replace it with a $2500 fee elsewhere, thus squirming out of his promise.

Students have been quick to catch on to these dirty doings. Last week a protest was launched on the steps of Parliament with over 4000 students demonstrating and calling for Mr. Smith’s letter of resignation.

However, the protest went unnoticed by the Minister of Education and nothing has changed – the lie has gone unpunished. But, how, you say, does an MP get away with this?

Simple, National and Lockwood Smith have already been sworn into Parliament, so they

don’t have to live up to their fake promises anymore. Lockwood Smith used his promise of abolishing student fees to gain the student vote, and now since he’s comfortable for the next three years, nothing will be done to abolish fees.

Fast forward to 2008, a Mr. Smith is running for his fifth term in Parliament and the Rodney electoral district. And still, over 18 years, Lockwood Smith hasn’t kept his side of the deal and student fees keep increasing almost every year.

Think about this when November the 8th rolls around, and whether or not the promises that have been made to you will really be kept.

In fact, to make matters worse (for students), Lockwood Smith is connivingly going to abolish

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Chiropractor to apologise after patient suffers stroke Regulators need to face facts Chriropractors Are, quite simply, quacks.

Airborne porn not reason for web delay: Qantas Passengers porn surfing?

Airlines really should have Seen that one “coming.”

Israel set for first female leader in 34 years A woman and ex-Mossad Spy – makes Helen Clark Look slightly shy

Latest updates: Financial Turmoil (The following is a quote from a London investment banker modified into Haiku form.

Scary? Yes.)

The world is on brink.

Market puking, no capital left in the world,

Press resists urge to use “shocking” headline We don’t.

Fonterra: This is as bad as it gets “Bad as it gets,” Fonterra, is being the parent Of a dead child.

Peters: SFO’s actions unlawful, with ‘malice’ Oh, poor, poor Winston Shoe’s on the other foot And it isn’t much fun

Balinese protest anti-pornography bill We don’t blame you If they tried stuff like that here We’d all protest too

Sarah Palin’s email account hacked Email from daughter: “Mom, can we ask God, If he’ll take this damn baby back?”

Pakistan army authorised to fire on US They can fire on US troops?

Oh, no. By the way?

Pakistan has nukes.

Drink-driver: ‘I’m too sick for community work’ Oh, poor man, too sick We say: get a job Stop being a complete prick.

Man survives 110,000 volt shock near Hamilton Man has accident 13

Txts to the Editor!

Nexus now has a non-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. They can be about anything – but if it’s something in the magazine, so much the better. We’ll print the best ones, so get texting! Texts should include a name to attribute them to.

Text of the week wins a mystery prize! Come into the office to claim it.

You’re going to make such a good journalist Dear Nexus, I am shocked at your most recent issue of nexus (18 - 8th september 2008). Your Txts to the editor section the week before enticed us to txt in our oppinion, with the incentive of a secret mystery prize for the winner. Being up for secret mystery prizes, I pursued the magazine for some commentable content, and Txtd in.

The issue I have with your issue began when I read the magazine in question. I was on a break in the hub, sitting with my classmates reading the nexus. My memory was triggered and I mentioned the txt I had sent.

Imagine my surprise upon turning to the lettuce section and finding that my txt had won! The joy of the stituation was rather short lived, however, and Im sure you understand why.

That txt was not sent because I felt strongly about Taufiq Boldy’s summary of nexus content, even though his dullwitted letter stirred somthing inside of me. It wasnt sent for the fame and respect of being published in your fine mag, even though my heart was merry upon seeing my txt. No, my txt was sent (and thoughtfully put together) for the main purpose of capturing the Secret Mystery Prize!

Imagine my surprise now almost a week on, with not even a whisp of correspondance between myself and the nexus magazine regarding my Secret Mystery Prize! This, I feel, is unnacceptable on many levels.

Despite my txt not being about what I sent, but what I got back, it had a strong ideal involved. I stated in a roundabout sort of way, that

Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Busted-type situations to 021 235 8436.

Can you do it? Yes you can!

nexus was not like the “Politicaly censored subjective american news agencies”, but I feel I may take back some of the fine opinion I have of you. The BBC recently was involved in a scandal that surrounded prizes for competitions. They were fixing them so friends and family of BBC staff won them, and this ran back many years. The nexus took this one step further and didnt even give anyone a prize. Do the other “prize”s ever happen? do you give your readers anything!?

Now I understand that the prize was allong the lines of a Seceret mystery, and I reason that there was most likely never any prize. Taking that on the chin, I propose an arrangemnet between you and myself, nexus. You see, in quite the opposite way that I feel towards the purpose of my txt. I would love the fame and respect of being published in your fine mag, and I feel strongly about a lot of things in general. I notice that you have a hard working staff at nexus which is shown by the sheer ammount of content produced by so few people.

My proposition is this. I am a 2nd year journalism student at wintec, and I am itching to write somthing for someone. My life goal at the moment is to write for magazines such as Investigate, and Time, and who knows what. Do you (the nexus) need someone to write articles, opinion columns, interesting investigative research, political studies, deep involving features about a kooky religion... just plain content to fill up pages...

Instead of giving me a prize, would you give me the opportunity to do that?

Peter Chesterton

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

PH 07 856 6813 14

FAX 07 856 2255

ADDRESS Gate 5 Hillcrest Road

Ed’s comments next page...

WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP

EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz

welcomes and encourages

Hi Peter. This is one of the weirdest letters we’ve ever received. We don’t fix our prize draws. No offence, but how did you expect us to give you your mystery prize? By text? Don’t answer that.

It’s the same deal for anyone who wins anything – come into the office to pick it up. I didn’t think we’d ever have to say that explicitly, because everyone else who’s ever won Text of the Week has figured it out. Your mystery prize is waiting at the Nexus offices, like it always was. Feel free to come in and pick it up – if you dare.

The fact that you’re a journalism student frightens me a bit. From what I can see here, you’re struggling with basic spelling, grammar and structure. Those are pretty important, especially if you want to want to write for Time – although you’re probably perfectly qualified for Investigate, especially if you’re keen to write “deep involving features about a kooky religion.” So maybe you should come and write for us. In fact, I command you to. We’re actually rather good training for anyone seriously considering a journalism career – our wonderful ex-news writer, Andrew Neal, recently got picked up by a Hawkes Bay newspaper – and maybe we can cure a few of the bad habits journalism school hasn’t quite gotten around to yet. I don’t know about Nexus being produced by “so few people,” either – we usually have around 25 active contributors every week.

debate through the letters

Feel free to join us – Ed

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus

page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by

You’re going to make such a good journalist: Ed Replies

Wednesday 5pm on the

It’s hard to “click here” when what you’re reading is made of paper

week prior to publication.

We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves

Consider it passed

the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t

Can you please pass this on to AJ......

click here: http://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=ZN3QqE4xrQs

correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they

wasnt sure how to contact you , ya cuda put your email addy in the coloum geeeeze but anyways three of us will be coming to the Hermit in the park challenge......... sweeeeeeeeet? well see ya there.

spread the word among students so they know what they might be voting for later this year.

Nicky Katie Shiloh

We did this already

regards, andrew - a concerned student.

won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name.

Send letters to nexus@

Hi, my name is Hayley and I’m doing a law degree at the University of Waikato.

waikato.ac.nz

Here is a helpful tip for the lazy people at uni preparing for exams. I think they would like to hear how to pass their exams by doing as little as possible.

If you choose to publish it, you are free to edit it but please can you leave the website at the bottom.

I have many many more tips to help the extremely lazy to pass their exams so i intend to send them to you regularly. thanks and hope to hear from you soon, Hayley Maybe next week – Ed 15

Look at who sent the letter you’re complaining about. Then kick yourself. In the face.

As for Gemma’s problem with the “utterly revolting and distasteful”, “sick and inappropriate” joke, it was meant to be just that, a joke. I’d like to quote something the creators of South Park often say to critics, “when making fun of people either everythings ok or nothings ok” Basically it means treating everything the same, because to claim that one thing is more sacred then another or above criticism is just insane.

If you want people to respect your opinion on topics then you have to respect theirs. You said so yourself that you “grabbed a copy of nexus” implying that nobody put a gun to your head and forced you to read, Nexus has to try to appeal to all students which means including a wide range of articles that sometimes you might not like, so I’d like to end with a joke.

Q. What’s the hardest thing about nailing a baby to the wall?

A. My dick Gavin

This is in response to two letters I read in last weeks Nexus, the first being the complaint about Agony Art and the second from Gemma about the baby joke I personally believe that Agony Art is one of the best sections in Nexus.

People bitch about their ridiculous problems to him and he responds with a perfectly sane, logical answer to their problems and yet still manages to add just the right amount of witty sarcasm to keep it amusing to readers without shitty little problems. If you dont like Agony Art then don’t read it - it’s as simple as that or better yet, write in your own letter to Agony Art about how you think “hes a foul mouthed child with no true writing ability” because I would be rather entertained to read what his solution to your pathetic problem would be.

Thanks! - duly noted.

- Some Random Twit

pple fink bout dis 1 N I finali saw a pic of David a.k.a burton..im Christian bt

Troublsum

cnt w8 2 c wat happens nxt..lettuce indeed! *rubs hands gleefully*..yea m bord – frm Da Aimless One!

Yo nexus! Tuhoe is spelt with an E, not Tuhoi, there is a big difference. – from the Random German

?

Tiki Taane is definetli hotness! And y r all da guys in bustd had it? They eitha always in dresses or playin up in t-shirts. Whyyyyy~

Dnt trouble troubl unless troubl troubls u. Bt we al knw thts jst silly. Getting in trouble is so much fun. My lve goes out 2 rachel scott – Frm H.M. Murdock

They’re maintaining a dignified silence Hhmmm 1st a article bout christianity, then 1 bout Atheism?!?..ws interstn readn wat pple thot bout da christian article..cnt w8 2 c wat

I don’t know what this is Gandolf is gay for feral

Nexus is rad! Am I super blind or has th hallways dude been kidnapped by th uni PR squad? That write up is essential2hook us up wit hall goss!

– from: Tuls Agem

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16

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Please rsvp to madeline.kirk@otago.ac.nz

Scholarships Smolarships

By Henry Carthew One of the reasons I came to Waikato University was because I could get an easy $3000 bucks for doing jack shit. I am of course referring to the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;School Leavers scholarshipâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; which any idiot with half a fucking brain can score for getting a measly 60 credits in Level 3 NCEA. So I turn up here with the expectation that there will be scholarships handed out around campus for hopping on one leg while singing the national anthem. The woman from the scholarships office tells us on the first day that there are hundreds of scholarships up for grabs, so I was sure I could get

offered to a student undergoing research that is likely to contribute to the citrus industry. What the fuck? The one guy majoring in oranges is jumping for joy right now. Where are the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Average Joeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; scholarships?

Just because Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not a Maori or Pacific Islander with a serious disability, studying for a PhD doctorate masters I have no chance. One theory I have is that these people offering the scholarships donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t actually want to give away any money. And theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going the right way about that.

Do I have to change my degree, to study some kind of fruit to get a bit

something. After subscribing to the scholarships email I have a browse for how I could not end up 30 grand in debt by the end of my studies.

20 fucking pages and hundreds of scholarships later I find I am not eligible to apply for ANY! And Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not a complete drop kick loser you know, my grades are good â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m really just the average student. There were a number of scholarships I could almost apply for. For example â&#x20AC;&#x153;the successful recipients will be studying full time at The University of Waikato (yes), receiving a B average or better (yes) and must have a big toe of 4.85cmsâ&#x20AC;?. I made that one up, yes, but a serious one I read was

of money to help me out for fucks sake? Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m prepared to fill out a form, write a little something about why Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m really good at life, and partake in group sex with some of the scholarships office team to get a scholarship.

Surely thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s enough? What I propose is a scholarship for a student studying a full time BCMS majoring in Computer Science, with curly hair, glasses and born in Paraparaumu. That would suit me just fine. Come on Waikato, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time you kept up your reputation of being the average joe university and offer us some scholarships we can actually get.

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&2%% %9% 3#2%%.).' %6%29 7%$.%3$!9 &2/- 0- 4/ 04(% -%%4).' 2//345$%.4 5.)/. "5),$).'

5.)6%23)49 /& 7!)+!4/ 4OTAL 6ISION /PTOMETRISTS 'REY 3TREET (AMILTON %AST 0H &AX TOTALVISION VISIQUE CO NZ

CANCELLED APPOINTMENT Edgar has cancelled a dental appointment only 3 hours before he was due to be there. On the desk was a sign stating â&#x20AC;&#x153;If you need to cancel you must give 48 hours noticeâ&#x20AC;?. Will he be charged?

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge database to help answer anyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s questions.

Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 3pm daily during semesters or phone 8384466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB. By cancelling the appointment Edgar is breaking a contract made with the service provider. They are entitled to charge him but only if they can show actual loss i.e. appointment time not refilled. If they choose not to charge him, it is an act of goodwill.

17

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Commentary by Joshua Drummond

Presidential Candidates Pene Delaney He says: I am 5ft of pure Pene here now; ready to be your president in 09 Kia Ora .

My experience this year as Vice President Maori has allowed me to participate in shaping the WSU for the future. My leadership role in 08 has helped to introduced new events and better processes with the organisation this year. It takes time to build networks within the university community; I have the networks and experience to do this job from day one. With me as your president we can move forward together and have an epic 09.

So vote for Pene 4 Prez (Ben) it’s a vote for you.

Nexus says: Ben’s been in the world of student politics for a couple of years now, and serving this year as Vice President Maori as well as umpteen committees and boards should have given him a good taste of How Things Work. He’s certainly got the experience, but a President needs charisma and enthusiasm as well. Has he got it? His public speaking gig at the AGM might suggest that he does – his “five foot man in a six foot world” gag cracked everyone up.

Fun Fact: Ben is approximately five feet tall, and is studying Management, but doesn’t show any incipient signs of SMS (Short Man Syndrome.) Hopefully, if he gets elected, he’ll be more of a Napoleon than a David Brent.

Joseph Mooney.

He says: Vote for a President who genuinely cares about students having a great experience studying at the University of Waikato and will work hard to make it happen. I have been involved in leadership roles in student organisations on campus such as BigTV and SIFE and djing on Contact FM. In the wider community I have developed advocacy skills as a volunteer at the Hamilton Community Law Center.

As President I will represent and advocate for University of Waikato students and their needs with integrity and commitment at a University and national level with a focus on results.

Nexus says: Joe’s previous student politics experience includes forming the Diablos faction and contesting last year’s Presidential race, which he lost to Moira Neho. It should see him learning a trick or two for this one. Other than that, he’s coming in more or less fresh. Last year’s loss might have had something to do with the fact he was also running for Mayor of Hamilton and Hamilton City Councillor at the same time – a fact that never ceases to amaze us. One thing’s for sure, you can’t doubt his enthusiasm.

Fun Fact: Joe is married with two children, and… damn, just look at that suit, and that photo. Very swish. Are you sure you’re not running for the National Party, Joe? 19

Vice Presidential Candidates Glen Delamere He Says: GD 4 VP! I have been fortunate enough to represent you as a WSU board member since 2007 and feel that it is time for me to take the next step and represent you as Vice President; I will ensure that the board has continuity and we carry on with the good work that has been achieved by previous boards.

I am a straight talking guy who isn’t afraid to question why things must happen and will not accept that’s just the way it has always been. I will be a hard working VP who is always available for you. Vote for Glen Delamere!

We say: Glen is a standout member of the Board who has led initiatives like Men’s Advocates for Sexual Health (MASH) and who functions as your Men’s Officer. There’s no doubt he can do the VP’s job – but he’s up against an equally capable candidate.

Fun Fact: Glen also has a couple of sprogs who are notorious for turning up at and considerably improving WSU Board meetings. He’s also running for Director.

VP Maori Candidate Whetu He says: Tena koutou katoa, “Ko au te taupa kihai puawai i aku moemoea” (I am the barrier to the fruition of my dreams).

I am Whetz and currently enrolled in the BMS/LLB programme. I’ve been on the WSU Board for the past 2 years and next year I want be the Vice President Maori.

Anya She Says: Global warming, conflict in Georgia, John McCain and scampi quotas – these are things I can do virtually nothing about. But I can bring change to this University! Change will not happen if one does not vote for it. Having been involved in leadership positions in student organisations such as Nexus and WULSA as well as running a show on Contact Radio and having a foreign background, I believe I have the knowledge, the skills and the capacity to get down to business in the most efficient and fun way to give the student body what it really needs. Let’s pump this university up a notch!

We Say: Anya serves on the Nexus Board of Directors and has also served on WULSA (the Waikato University Law Student’s Association.)

Her speech before the AGM on Wednesday was pretty awful: she didn’t appear to have prepared anything beforehand and was clearly winging it. Which is surprising, given she’s clearly capable. Hopefully she’ll approach the rest of her campaign more thoughtfully.

Fun Fact: Anya was born and raised in Russia, and went to school in England before coming here – English is her second language. Serving on the Nexus BOD also makes her, in a roundabout way, one of my bosses.

Directorial Candidates Glen Delamere He Says I am running for both Vice President and Director of the Board to show you all that I am serious about ensuring that I can represent you on the WSU Board in some capacity. I have been fortunate enough to have been a member of the WSU Executive/Board for the last two years and would like to continue to represent you. I will bring continuity to the WSU and am not afraid to question something if I don’t believe it is in the best interest of all students. Vote Glen Delamere!

We Say: We already said it.

Gabrielle Kershaw I have the experience and networks to represent the student voice in the local, regional and national arenas. I look forward to ensuring the WSU and the University complies with its commitment to the Treaty of Waitangi and Maori learners. Maori people is what distinguishes this country from any other; therefore, it is fundamental that Maori views and issues are represented.

“Tuhou Hawaiiki” (may the force, be with you) Chur We say: Whetu’s a good guy who quietly gets rather a lot done. He’d better be, because there isn’t anyone going up against him for the VP Maori position. However, we’re pretty sure he’ll be okay. + Fun Fact: I can never remember Whetu’s second name and used to continually confuse him with Glen Delamere, despite Whetu being a standout kind of bloke. Decently, he never took offence, but took up calling me “Hey you” for some time.

20

She Says: As a representative for the students of Waikato University, I am excited to offer my skills for the social, intellectual and physical wellbeing of all students in this exciting role.

I am an older student with a few years of experience under my belt with 5 children to boot. I have worked in organisations for many years, predominantly with youth groups, so love being part of the experience of young peoples successes and achievements. My passion for these issues will allow me to meet the needs and objectives of WSU in representing students.

We Say: Gabrielle did well at the AGM/Meet the Candidates where she was one of the few Director’s candidates with actual charisma and policies. Reason enough to vote for her? You decide!

Jeffery Hawkes He says:

Hey, support me so I can continue to support you! This organisation is about people, and people power, supporting people for personal empowerment, and using the collective bargaining to secure you the best deals possible; be it getting sponsors to give students great deals, or getting entertainment and antics happening on campus. How about we get some dynamic student media going on? Things in the media world are changing fast, and the University seems not to be.

YOUR student union can help with the University direction, by providing a student perspective. So a vote for me, is support for you We Say: Jeff Hawkes has been around student politics for a very long time, starting out as President of the Wintec Students Association (SAWIT) in 1862 – no, wait, it was probably more recent than that.

Anyway, he’s been a vigorous Director, setting up the popular Talk Like A Pirate day this and last year. His interest in the long-running and complex Contact/Backbeat frequency feud may be more of a hindrance than a help, but at least he’s angling for a student radio station that can broadcast further then places in direct eye-line of the Uni Library.

Fun fact: Jeff is the only person we know who has been hit by a train, losing a leg as a result.

Jane Nguyen

She Says: Hi I’m Rachel; I am studying a Bachelor of communications and have been on the WSU team for the past year. Its great fun and a lot of hard work. This year my main focus has been working on getting recycling bins on campus which you will see hopefully by the end of this year. Next year I hope to work towards making this university self sustainable. It will take a lot of work but small steps are being made so we can achieve this goal. If you want to see this university more environmentally friendly then please vote for me. We say: Rachel came into the WSU on the Diablos platform with the policy of getting recycling bins on campus, which happened. This year she’s focusing on making the uni more “self sustainable.” Good stuff, hopefully she’ll find more to work on if she’s elected again.

She Says Hey, I am Jane! I’m doing a BMS-hons at Wmanagement school. I’m an easy going Pisces, enjoy swimming, playing netball and walking on the beach and of coz, studying hard out when exams come!

My goal this year is to help creating better diversity of cultural experience at the University. I love to have more opportunities for NZ students to go on variety of international exchange programmes. Also, I am aiming at organizing more tours to explore NZ for international students, having fun and great time while we study.

So… I’m really looking forward to bringing these events for you guys and girls in 2009!

We Say: Jane was enthusiastic at her AGM speech, and it would be good to see the international student body more represented on the WSU Board. She’s also, notably, the only candidate to include reference to her star sign, so if you want to know what she’s all about, simply look at her horoscope.

Krysten Vonk

Denis Tokunai

She says: Hi everyone, my name is Krysten Vonk; I am a second year Management student majoring in Marketing and Finance. I am passionate about student issues and free stuff! Vote for me if you want your voice to be heard and you want change. If elected I will ‘walk the talk’ and help make the WSU the awesome student advocacy organisation it can be- and get you more than just the occasional free beer.

We say: A bit of a dark horse, Krysten might need to realise that WSU already does rather more than “offer the occasional free beer.” We wager if she gets elected, she’ll realise this very fast. Her speech at the AGM was underwhelming and short, leaving students with little idea of what she’s about or actually capable of.

He Says: After spending 4 years at the University of Waikato, I believe that I understand and can offer what the Waikato student is looking for in the capacity of the General Executive office.

My strengths lie in my multicultural background and upbringing in 3 different countries which has moulded me into a dedicated team player who is able to perceive, understand, and solve problems in an international context--and has help me develop an uncanny ability to get along with everybody. I live by the motto “talk less, listen more”, enjoy a balanced lifestyle, love New Zealand and the Steinlager Pure We Say: Deni is one of the quiet workhorses of the WSU. He’s been around for a while now, and we still don’t know the first thing about him. If he gets in, we’ll try and remedy that as soon as possible.

Rachel Wark

21

Dave Snell (a.k.a Burton C Bogan) (PgDipComPsy, Ph.D(Psychology)) He says: I am running for a Director’s position and I feel I am the best candidate for the job largely because I would bring Bogan values to the student union.

No nonsense, no personality politics, common sense. The best thing I can offer students if voted to this position is being there. Being there

to answer any questions or emails, being there to do those jobs that others don’t want, to walk the hard yards and to support student initiatives in whatever form they arrive in.

BOGAN KNOWS BEST! We Say: Dave may not have served on the Board before, but he’s got a surprising wealth of experience from his constant work in the seemingly opposite worlds of heavy metal and PhD study. That kind of balance can only be helpful to the WSU.

Natalie’s Blurb: She Says: Hi I’m Natalie. I am in my first year of studying law. I live in a flat with five mongrel boys which is great. I thoroughly enjoy snowboarding and other such sports. I recently organised the university snow team fundraiser ‘snow-jam’ which was held at axces. This consisted of 50 tonnes of snow being shipped up from Mt Ruapehu, bands playing and a rail jam set up for boarders and skiers to have a play on. I really want to do something similar on campus next year so vote for me. I’m all about putting on great events!

We say: Bubbly and confident at her AGM appearance, we’re a bit worried that Natalie didn’t seem to have any other ideas besides a Snow Jam. But seeing as two of the Nexus staff are keen snowboarders, we’re all for this idea, and the WSU should adopt it whether Natalie gets elected or not

Beau Tahau He says My name is Beau Tahau, and I’m in my second year, studying a bachelor of sport and leisure.

I’m really keen to be a WSU director, I want to do as much as I can in order to build experience with people and the student culture at Waikato University.

I have the natural ability to get along with all kinds of people. I enjoy a wide range of sports, including snowboarding and touch rugby.

I’m easy going, approachable and know how to have fun. I will be an awesome director and am looking forward to meeting and representing all of you if given the chance.

Beau.

We Say: Beau looked positively flamboyant in a splendid checked shirt at the AGM. We expected great things. What a pity, then, that he spoke in a monotone for about six seconds and told us nothing besides the fact that he’s studying sport and leisure. It could be that he’s just nervous of public speaking; but he’ll have to get over that really fast if he wants to be a Director.

22

AJ (Andrew James) He says: Yay! It’s that time again, the election game. As a director on the WSU in ’08 I have put on a bit of Dodgeball, plenty a post-party at Bar101, and am currently organising the social event of the year…The Hori 440! In addition, I helped lead the mighty Waikato to its first Northern Tertiary Challenge victory and bringing home the Battle of the Bombay’s shield against those Jaffas. Next year I am going one step further and want to take the Tribe from Waikato to UniGames in New Plymouth by bringing home the bacon from the ‘Naki. Vote AJ for more fun and happiness!

We say: Legend. AJ is that rare student politician: rough as guts but all keenness for the students of Waikato Uni, or, as he’d put it, the “Whackachang.” He’s been instrumental in organising tonnes of stuff, and has been one of the leaders in getting students to actually care about and participate in the events WSU puts on. AJ deserves another shot at Director: you students owe it to themselves to vote him in again.

But you knew that already.

Matt Gatchell He Says: How you doing? My name is Matt I’m currently doing my BTCH in primary education over in the mighty School of education.

I would like a moment to introduce myself I’m a single white male born and raised in the Waikato. Boys I drink and for the lady’s I can cook. I would like the chance to be chosen as a director so I can fulfill my dream of including us S.O.E students in the running of this university as I feel the rest of the university forgets we are here.

So vote for me as director and the voice for school of ed.

DO IT! We say: Matt seemed nervous as hell at the AGM. He needs to work on his speaking skills, as the audience yawned through his stumbling speech, even though he had it on cue cards. But it’s great to see someone from the School of Education throwing their hand in, and hopefully Matt will represent them well if he’s elected.

One thing I rudely neglected to mention in my Band Ex retrospective last week is that this rendition of the Experiments has got off the ground thanks in large part to the awesome efforts of Shane Dudfield and the Mammoth crew. Organising and staging events in Hamilton is one headache after another and so Shane and the woolly monster deserve a pat on the back (perhaps even a shoulder rub) and a life supply of peanuts for their endeavours. And now back to the action…

Damsels Young, angsty, post-punk trio, Damsels are self-described as “noisy and sexual, like a loud stripper teasing an old man”. This could be quite an apt description considering the band features one half of spazz-duo (?! Are you actually able to legally call yourselves that?!) ‘Firecats’, as well as former members from ‘The Batstorm Murders’ and fellow contestants ‘Sora Shima’.

The band has recently recorded their highly anticipated debut EP. www.myspace.com/damselsdamsels

The Evergreens Regional winners of the Smokefree Rockquest, The Evergreens come into the Band experiments as one of two bands also competing in this year’s national high school band competition. They play a funk-rock-fusion that combines funky bass riffs along with a solid groove and promise an energetic and entertaining set. www.myspace.com/theevergreenz

Sora Shima In the past 18 months, Sora Shima have been one of H-Town’s more prominent acts, having supported the likes of Jakob, Dimmer, Broken Social Scene and The Mint Chicks as well as playing at the uber awesome Camp A Low Hum 2008 and also being named ‘Best New Band of the year’ by National Radio! The band’s instrumental sound has been likened to that of Mogwai, HDU, Explosions In The Sky and ISIS, and as a full band, have two EP’s recorded – last years Spinetingler and soon to be released Destroy Electronica. www.myspace.com/sorashima

Aum The only fully electronic act in the competition, Aum fuse electronica and drum n bass with progressive sounds from all walks of life to produce a genre-bending mash described as ‘Black Sun Empire meets King Crimson’.

With two humans, two computers and two controllers, Aum are adamant they are highly danceable! www.myspace.com/aumnz

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Prez Sez

By Moira Neho Thankyou to everyone who supported WSU by coming to the annual general meeting last week. Officially we only needed 36 people for quorum – as per the constitution fancy calculation method, but we exceeded that by far with around 150 people in attendance.As a result of that meeting the following business was approved by the general meeting:

• The 2007 Balance sheet and audited accounts were accepted unanimously.

• BDO Spicers were re-appointed as the WSU auditor for 2009 unanimously.

• WSU full membership fees were set at $95.00 incl gst passed unanimously.

• Directors honoraria were set and approved unanimously as follows: o President: $30,000 o Vice President: $15,000 o Vice President Maori: $15,000 o Directors: $3,000

• Minutes of the 2007 AGM and the July 2008 SGM were approved unanimously • Annual report for 2008 was accepted unanimously.

• The WSU strategic plan and Budget for 2009 was approved with the amendment of $35k from the surplus to be allocated towards a concert for 2009 A Semester Orientation week activities. This was approved and the official minutes will reflect the number of those opposed and abstaining.

• McCaw Lewis Chapman were re-appointed as the WSU Solicitors for 2009. This was approved and the official minutes will reflect the number of those opposed and abstaining.

Student Questions

By Whetu

How do I vote in the up and coming WSU elections?

To vote in the WSU elections you need to: (1) Be on campus during (Tues – Thurs) 23rd—25th of Sept 2008 which are the allocated voting days, voting is between 10am-4pm.

(2) Voting booths will be at various places around the Uni: library, crossing from management to the other side of the road, school of education etc.

(3) You will need your Uni student ID card for 2008.

(4) If you don’t have you ID card or other form of photo ID you can still vote at the WSU office. If you want to cast a special vote (because you wont be on campus or other reasons) you can make your vote at the WSU office with the appropriate ID. (5) When you show your ID at the polling booth the person will give you a voting form and you can vote for: 1 person as president; 1 person as vice president and 1 person as vice president Maori. You then have a following eight votes to cast for the top eight directors of your choice. You don’t have vote in all categories or use your entire voting allocation. But, it you make a mistake you need to let the person at the ballot box know, because if you tick too many boxes your voting form will be void.

Peace be the journey.

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It dawned on me after the meeting that this is my last AGM as President and I just wanted to say thankyou for your support and participation, it has been an absolute privilege to work for you.

Student Job Search (SJS) I’m sure we’ve talked about this before but just in case, here’s my plug for what should be your job finding organisation of preference. SJS is owned by student associations around the country and is run by students, for students. It is nearing the end of the academic year so if you are starting to think about work for the summer, don’t forget to visit Jill and her friendly team at SJS in the student union building.

WSU Elections Yes it’s that time of year again and you get to elect a new board of Directors. After the official AGM business you got to hear from the candidates who want your votes. I was impressed by the commitment that was displayed by everyone and had a good laugh with the rest of you at Presidential candidate Pene as he proclaimed “I’m a 5 foot man in a 6 foot world… I know about challenges, vote Pene for Prez”. Like Pene, many of those standing for nomination are current members of the Board, however there are several new faces who are keen to get in on some WSU action. It’s always good to have new ideas mixed in with experience, so good luck to all of those involved in this campaign.

Make sure you look for the voting booths that will be around campus.

All you need is your student ID and about 5 mins to tick the boxes.

International Students: Don’t Forget to Vote!

by Deni Tokunai Six more weeks of University – it’s flown by once again! Many of you will by now have noticed (how could you not have?) an array of chalking/ posters all over campus campaigning for the up-coming WSU Election.

There is a reasonable mix of new and current members from a number of faculties contesting this year’s election and it should provide for an interesting outcome – so I urge all of you to get into the polling booths starting next week Tuesday and cast your vote for your preferred 2009 WSU Executive. Voting is open to all students including international students, so please don’t forget so that you too can have a say in student politics – it only takes a couple of seconds!

Elections 23rd - 25th September Voting booths located at: • School of Management • Outside the temporary Banks • Library • School of Education • WSU Office • Mobile Polling Booth

Make Your Vote Count

It’s WSU election time and we want you to have a say in who will be looking after your campus next year

Be in the courtyard on

Tuesday 12-1pm

and swap your vote for

a free lunch

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Magic 8 Ball Send questions for the all-knowing 8 Ball to nexus@ waikato.ac.nz Is everyone as sick of elections as I am?

Concentrate and ask again – clearly, the incessant bombardment of election coverage from both the US and New Zealand has slowed your mind. Or perhaps it’s your love of the halfling’s leaf.

Will pole dancing catch on as the latest rad fitness regime?

You may rely on it – clearly, you’re not up with the times. It is already the rad new fitness regime, judging from those fit young things at that gym they call Firecats.

Will the ducklings survive their first months on the festering Uni lakes?

Reply hazy, try again – wait until after duckling season. As far as we can tell, the disappearing ducklings are either being used by the cafés for sushi filling or the Lakes are really hungry this year and are eating them.

Will the Greens dominate the upcoming elections, ushering in a new utopia of peaceful environmentalism?

My reply is no – National will dominate them, largely because of idiots who say things like “I dunno, I guess it’s just time for a change,” and they will usher in a new utopia of pinched Labour policies, which will

Magic 8 ball your answers are too complicated Yes definitely – because you’re an idiot. Hope that’s not too complicated for you, you tard.

Will Nexus get stolen again as a result of our WSU election content?

It is certain – so, this time, we’ve hired a troupe of vicious mimes to guard it when it’s being dropped off. Try and steal it, and you’ll spend eternity in an invisible box.

Has the US financial meltdown made Americans see sense and decide to vote for Barack Obama?

It is certain – I can’t be bothered offering any wit here. Make up your own. Poos and wees! Ha! See what we did there?

Does anyone else notice the giant pimple on my forehead?

Signs point to yes – if by “notice” you mean “feel sexually attracted to.”

See that guy? Down on the left of the lecture theatre, zits, blond-ish hair, possibly squeezing and muttering to himself? He just wants to burst it and make love to the crater.

Did that last joke go to far?

Cannot predict now – but I’ve noticed that people are offended by the baby jokes on the Puzzle Page, and I was hoping people might write in about one of mine.

cunningly hide a barrage of Rogernomics. That drizzle of shit running down your neck? That’s the trickle-down effect!

Marvin the Paranoid Android says OH MAN LAST WEEK’S ENTRIES SUCKED. I JUST DON’T KNOW WHY I TRY. I GUESS I’M GOING TO LAY DOWN AND CRY. HERE’S LAST WEEK’S “WINNER,” THE BEST OF A VERY BAD BUNCH. I HATED THEM ALL. STUPID HUMANS. BRAIN THE SIZE OF A PLANET AND I CAN’T EVEN CONVINCE YOU TO COME UP WITH SOME DECENT CAPTIONS “It’s all fun and games until someone gets sexually assaulted” - Shoshana Sachi WELL I SUPPOSE I SHOULD CONGRATULATE YOU BUT I CAN’T REALLY SEE THE POINT. IT WAS PRETTY CRAP ACTUALLY. WE’VE GOT A BURGERFUEL VOUCHER FOR YOU. THERE ARE NO HONORABLE MENTIONS. HERE’S THIS WEEK’S PICTURE. SOMETHING WITH TITS ON IT SO PEOPLE ACTUALLY ENTER.

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I DON’T LIKE ANY OF YOU AT ALL. LEAVE ME ALONE NOW. IF YOU ENTER THIS ONE AND MANAGE TO RISE ABOVE THE FLOOD OF MEDIOCRITY I RECEIVE EVERY WEEK I’LL GIVE YOU BURGERFUEL AS WELL. BUT I’D RATHER SPIT IN YOUR EYE. “It’s all fun and games until someone gets sexually assaulted”

on, nobody has replied to my ad... ! My bros bday is October 13th: times a tickin: help me out! =) lb51@waikato.ac.nz

flatmate Sarah on 0276960545 or Colleen on 0210735961. Cheers!

“Studentrent.co.nz

If either of these two youngin’s is YOU please come into nexus this week sometime, ask for Esther.

RANDOM Looking to help out those interested in hip hop.

If your interested in rhyming and need someone to make your music give me an email. All original and I’m flexible on what style you may want.

Give me an email if your genuinely interested. cash_rules_everything@hotmail.com No listing fees, success fees or registration charges, its FREE. Perfect for finding flatmates and buying and selling text books.

AEISEC wants to give you FREE Drinks FREE Food, FREE Raffle Tickets: prizes include USB Come to MSB 1.01 on 25 Sept Thursday at 6pm to the NZICA China Emerging Seminar.

EVERYONE is welcomed!!!!!

Find flats and flatmates for free. Working with the Accommodation Office at Waikato uni to put all listings online.”

FLATMATE WANTED for easygoing, tidy Galloway St Flat. 10min walk to Uni or Town.

Huge room! $85p/wk plus food. Call 027 351

FLATS

8840

Room for Summer! Nov 1st onwards. Fully furnished sunny room: large double bed, large dresser, book shelf, cupboard, and access to hot water cupboard. $90p/w includes power; wireless broadband is negotiable. Food is done seperately. House is very warm in summer, on corner of Nelson and Clyde. You will be taking over my garage space if you own a car : ).

Flatmates are very friendly and easy going- a 22yr old female and two males aged 25 & 27.

Contact Tess 0273340978 or 8582642.

Thank you Nexus U rock :P Room avaliable mid nov till 31 dec on hogan st- best room in the house. sky and wireless net phone included. 4 other fun flatmates.

Gr8 for person whos lease is ending until they find a new flat or somebody moving out of the halls. Happy to neg price of room just want somebody to take my room while im not in the country. Please email hjc11@waikato.ac.nz for details.

FLATMATE WANTED! Large outside room available in a 5 bedroom, two bathroom house.

A 5 minute walk to Uni and the Warehouse shops. House is fully furnished (except for the room for rent) including a dishwasher =D Rent is $90/week and another $20.50 to cover Sky, broadband, power and phone. Call or text my

FLATMATE NEEDED, Large outside room with ensuite, $110pw (incl power, phone, wireless internet and sky), close to uni. Currently 2 guys and a girl all students. Can do flat meals.

Available now! Please text only 0272274293 or phone 8593566.

www.freeloader.co.nz Wanted: Cheap Kayak. Contact ers12@ waikato.ac.nz Laptop for little bro- will pay cash money (and/or beer...). I’ll bake you cookies even.

People update their technology all the timesomebody Must have a lappy out there! Come

Send notices to nexus@waikato.ac.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. Placing notices is free for students. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Notices cannot be any more than 75 words. We will not accept handwritten or non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta. Oh, and we hear that personals ads work terrifyingly well, so give that a go as well – fun for everyone involved.

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To the winner go the spoils. Never was this truer than last Sunday afternoon when the Warriors overcame the odds and kept their season alive by defeating the Melbourne Storm in Melbourne.

The Storm, who qualified top for the playoffs for the third consecutive year, saw any playoff advantage they worked all year to earn go out the window. Now, instead of resting up for a week before playing a semifinal, the Storm will have to overcome their 2006 nemesis, Brisbane, at Suncorp Stadium and the in-form Cronulla Sharks to make it to the final.

In contrast, the Warriors, who finished in the

The win capped off a memorable weekend of code for Kiwi fans, coming as it did hot on the heels of an equally absorbing rugby test match between the All Blacks and Wallabies.

Graham Henry’s decision to pick the same 15 for a succession of big games paid dividends as the All Blacks held off a valiant Australian side to claim their fourth consecutive Tri Nations title and their fifth consecutive Bledisloe Cup. The most encouraging aspect of the victory was the performance of experienced players such as McCaw, So’oialo, Woodcock, Muliaiina and Carter. These guys are starting to benefit in a big way from the experience that comes

For all the joy that the All Blacks’ win bought New Zealand, it was expected if not demanded of Henry and his men, whereas the Warriors win, even though it counts for much less, will stay with Kiwi sports’ fans for much longer simply because it was so unexpected. That is why the Warriors are such a fascinating team to follow - they are almost always at their best when the chips are down, when there is little or no expectation they seem to lose all their inhibition and reveal the true extent of their talent. Last Sunday against Melbourne was the ultimate example.

If the Warriors are to do the unthinkable

middle of the 16-team competition, got to return to their homeground, Mt Smart Stadium on Friday night to take on the Sydney City Roosters for a shot at a semifinal berth.

The result of that game was not known at the time of writing, but a Warriors win would see them play Manly in Sydney this weekend.

The Melbourne Storm have only lost three times at home in the last two seasons, twice to the Warriors.

from playing in high pressure situations over a period of years, all have also suffered one, if not two world cup disappointments.

Our chances of withstanding the white-hot pressure and winning 2011 World Cup in New Zealand depend largely on how many of these experienced, world-class performers we can retain. Three years will not be long enough to bring a new bunch up to standard.

and win the NRL premiership they will have to do it with the weight of expectation on their shoulders. It is a weight they have never borne well, hopefully they can take a leaf out of the All Blacks’ book and find a way to perform despite the burden.

This week I got so many questions that I had to answer them all in brief.

Dear Agony Art How do you know when your partner is faking an orgasm? I can never tell if my girl is actually getting rocked or if she’s just making all the right sounds to impress me with my own skills.

Cale The biggest problem with your question, Cale, is that you actually believe women can orgasm. Not true. It’s like saying men cry, Milfs fuck and cowboys like cowboys. It just doesn’t happen outside of Hollywood.

Everyone knows men cum, because there’s a product to be witnessed afterwards. It’s called “shaft candy” and it’s quite a delicacy among beauty school students. Women, on the other hand, have no product but noises.

These noises can be faked by anyone, most famously by Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally. I can make female orgasm noises.

You can make female orgasm noises. Your girlfriend can apparently make female orgasm noises. Does it mean any of us are having a

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female orgasm? No! I can moo and it doesn’t make me a motherfucking cow, does it?

In short, you have no skills. None of us do.

Deal with it.

Love Art Dear Agony Art Is female breast milk actually delicious?

I’ve often wondered why infants are as smiley as they are and think it may be because of the booby juice.

Snell the Destroyer No. It is not. I don’t have any scientific facts to back this up with. Just take my word on it.

You could always go try it then write back in and tell us how your experience was. Actually, scratch that. Don’t ever write in again. You’re gross, even by my standards.

Dear Agony Art What’s the weirdest porn title you’ve ever seen at your workplace? I’m about to

make one and I want to know what kind of standard my title should be to.

Robbie Wilkinson I’ve been waiting for someone to ask this question for a long, long time. My workplace has the biggest collection of porno in the entire city and is bringing more in on a fortnightly basis. Due to this (along with the fact I’m the only staff member who ever goes into the porn section…. to vacuum…. Honest!) I have seen some of the most disturbing titles there are. My personal favourite this week is called Wenches: Thar She Blows. Other memorable titles include What’s Up Granpa’s Bum, Specs Appeal, Whose Smelling My Anus and Look Where My Fist Is.

Keep the letters coming kids! There are only a few more Agony Arts left in the year! Get your name in print next to filthy words! Email adr7@waikato.ac.nz!

of apathy

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Fruit Loops: Not just a Cereal Wanna tell ya a little story bout a man named Jed… actually I want to tell you a story about a guy I used to know when I lived in Whangarei.

For privacy issues I shouldn’t say his name but he was known by a real flowery Goth poetry name – think “Necrotic Obsession” (which is my Goth Name according to Goth Name Generator. CJ’s is Gore Whore!) when really it was something like Wilfred Jones. He wore pirate shirts, white and frilly, had long hair and a goatee and only drank red wine that he claimed was blood. Now at first this cunning plan worked, he had some hot chicks hanging off him when I first met him. Sadly for him, the girls worked out there wasn’t much going on upstairs and soon disappeared to fall for some other guys cunning image girl-trap.

This guy claimed to be a 400 year old warlock. One time at a party I asked him how old he was, he told me 400 so I asked if I could see his drivers license, which he obviously wouldn’t show me. This guy also claimed to have an army. An army of martial artists, swordsmen and such like – to be honest I think he’d just listened to too

“I know quite a few people here at waiKato who would like to think the world can and should adopt to certain ways of thinking. But one solution will never be able to gracefully meet all needs, a solution that tries to is obviously not a good solution.”

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I hate getting my calendar mixed up. I sat down this weekend to realize that next Saturday is Software Freedom Day, and so this column misses out being read before then by a mere two (2) days. Oh well, better luck next year.

Let me begin by declaring my stance on the FOSS (Free, open source software) issue.

I’m the uni’s Microsoft student partner. My personal servers run Windows Server 2003 and FreeBSD (using VMware).

At work, I manage software projects that utilise php, Perl, MySQL and Oracle, and servers that run Linux (with Xen). I have a Mac laptop, and being the photography nut I am, I use Adobe software.

Who says you can’t mix milk with orange juice?

many power metal songs. He also would regularly boast that there were many women in his army and that he had slept with most of them. We encountered this ‘army’ one night in the then Whangarei Rock Bar Rusty Cage when they attacked us, it was basically this guy and four members of the World of Warcraft Appreciation Society. My mate Will (6ft 7 and weighing around 110kg) took them out by himself and then chased the guy into the toilets and trapped him in a cubicle. No doubt they recounted their exploits on some games forum of their encounter with some sort of Rock Troll. He would also say how he liked women with large clitoris’s (Clitorii? Wait, can I even say that in Nexus? Meh) Now to me, too large a clitoris and you have a penis. If anyone out there has read Chyna’s (the wrestler) history or have seen any more recent videos she’s been in (they’re porn) you’ll know what I’m talking about. Despite him claiming to know quite a few people in bands and to be influential in music circles I never heard him discuss bands or genres or anything.

Nuttier than squirrel turd!

Most people don’t care what tool they’re using, so long as the tool best suits their needs. This is where a lot of conflicting ideas between free software advocates and the non-free-software types occur. If someone were to say “you can have as many spoons as you like, so long as you give up your knives”, most people would laugh it off and walk away.

But, in my opinion, It really comes down to that.

There are many types of zealots in the computer ‘verse, as i’ll get to in my next article, but the hardcore FOSS advocates seem to be the most aggressive of them all. These are the type that take the “all-or-nothing” approach, which by today’s standards just isn’t feasible. Imagine if Adobe adopted the FOSS business model; gave away their software but charged for support. Raise your hands if you regularly use Photoshop and have ever contacted Adobe for support. How about if they gave away a feature limited version, but allowed you to pay for advanced features. Well, isn’t that what we’re currently doing?

I know quite a few people here at waiKato who would like to think the world can and should adopt to certain ways of thinking. But one solution will never be able to gracefully meet all needs, a solution that tries to is obviously not a good solution.

On a more upbeat note, I’ll leave you with a quote to mull on, by one of my former lectures. “I’ve been insulted by Richard Stallman three times and I’ve only just met him”.

She Blinded Me With Science by vitamin C

This week, I’ve volunteered to touch on Science. The point I hope to make is that Religion is perfectly compatible with Science. In case you hadn’t heard, the Church of England has recently formally apologised to Charles Darwin for“misunderstanding you and, by getting our first reaction wrong, encouraging others to misunderstand you still. We try to practise the old virtues of ‘faith seeking understanding’ and hope that makes some amends.” With this interesting turn of events I thought it might be nice to address some possible misunderstandings of science that might exist.

Science (from Latin scientia: “knowledge” or “to know”) is the practise of what is known as the scientific method, or the empirical method.

To cut to the chase, this means that only confirmed facts are allowed into the happy family known as ‘scientific knowledge’. I realise that “confirmed facts’ sounds like a tautology, but I want to highlight the word “confirmed”. This is as opposed to “observed” or “measured”, and a large part of the field of science is based on this distinction.

“That rock makes me dizzy” is an observation. A number of conclusions can be made from this, a reasonable one from a pre-scientific thinker might be “That rock is bad or evil”, and he might further extend this line of thinking to “The rock might be haunted” and “I should probably get rid of the rock”. These are all perfectly reasonable conclusions, from such a limited level of observation. What improvements in science allow us is a much more detailed level of observation. So in the previous example, our observation today is that “The rock is emitting two pairs of protons & neutrons which are ionising your living tissue”. There are a few conclusions to be made from this, the first one to my mind being “You should probably get rid of that rock. Actually, it’s dangerous, so why don’t you give it to me so I can keep it safe or use it to power my boat”. “That rock is haunted” does not really flow logically from this observation, but note that it is not ruled out. There is nothing to suggest that there is not a spirit hanging around the rock. Maybe that’s what makes it radioactive? That’s not a bad idea, but the radioactivity can be explained without the ghost, as a documented property of certain metals. Verification is one of two big things about science. It is about finding the simplest consistent explanation (Occam’s Razor),

without needing to guess or infer any details. Whether you personally agree with it or not, it is what Scientists have agreed is fundamental to their practice.

To turn that all on its head, the other big thing that is accepted in science is that logically, the empirical method cannot completely verify a theory, only prove it false. It follows from this that scientific theories are not always proven as true from the start, rather that they are continually verified over time or eventually proven false. The fundamental theories of science are those that have remained verifiable time, and as increasingly more detailed observations are made. Theories are also mathematically proven, from the basis that if the opposite of X is proved false, then X must be true. I’ve mentioned this just to give you an idea of why scientists are so hard on claims of supernatural or spiritual activity – science is often advanced by proving things false. It’s very much a matter of ruling things out in order to know what to go forwards with.

With that explanation of what is meant by ‘Science”, hopefully I can bring this all together for you. I’ll use another related example from the headlines to illustrate. The Evolution vs. Intelligent Design has raged in America, over whether it should be compulsory to teach Intelligent Design in classrooms, so that children have an alternative choice on what to believe. Science teachers are not thrilled. This is in no way a comment on the value of the theory of Intelligent Design. It’s a perfectly valid theory. It explains why things are the way they are… but it’s not a scientific theory. It’s not the simplest explanation, based on what we have observed and rigorously investigated. Teach it in philosophy class, history class, whatever, but just not Science. It’s like if you sent your kid to martial arts lessons, and he came home and said he knew how to reverse a grapple and play a mournful electric guitar solo from the top of a sky scraper, because the Sensei was a fan of The Crow. Even though a guitar solo is an awesome alternative to fist fighting, it’s also completely unrelated to the reason you sent your kid there. Pure science does not in any way suggest that God cannot be real; just rather that acknowledging his existence doesn’t further our scientific understanding, due to the fact that his existence can’t (nor is it meant to) be verified.

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Earlier this year the Hamilton Film Society screened a retrospective of the work of the African-American director Charles Burnett.

Although little known to the wider public, Burnett is a key figure in the development of black cinema, slotting in both chronologically and stylistically between the blaxploitation films of the early 1970s and the Spike Lee-led renaissance of the mid to late 1980s.

Burnett’s break through feature came in 1977. “Killer of Sheep” has more in common with the Scorsese of “Mean Streets” than it does with caricatures like Shaft, Superfly or Dolemite. Like Scorsese, Burnett draws on personal experience to put his race and its culture on the screen as never quite seen before, shorn of both the racist cliches of classical Hollywood and the arrogant swagger of the urban fantasy figures.

“Killer of Sheep” has a suburban setting.

Short on plot but long on atmosphere, it

still living at home and working for his mother’s business resists the middle class aspirations of his brother, feeling kinship instead with a childhood friend who has become a street hood. is an episodic account of a nuclear family struggling to survive the general malaise its patriarch has fallen into. Stan works in what New Zealanders would call a ‘freezing works’ factory, slaughtering sheep on a chain gang.

The monotonous regularity of the grisly tasks is a metaphor for his existence, both banal and horrific, leading to a kind of claustrophobic, emotional deadening.

The most recent Burnett film screened in the retrospective was “The Glass Shield” (1993), a b-grade effort which one former ‘Nexus’ film reviewer described as “’Scooby Doo’ crossed with ‘Hill Street Blues’”. Strident and cartoonlike, its cast of small screen or has been faces pushes the tale of a racist and corrupt police force into the realm of the ridiculous.

If there are flaws in Burnett’s work they usually

Happily, Auteur House stocks something of

relate to his minuscule budgets. The acting is often an issue, a trade off between the freshness that amateur performance can bring to a script and the type of stilted delivery that undermines it. Burnett’s follow-up to “Killer of Sheep”, “My Brother’s Wedding” (1983), is undone at times by bad acting, though its basic premise remains a strong one: a thirty year old

a return to form. “Warming by the Devil’s Fire” (2003), his feature length contribution to the Scorsese produced television series “The Blues”, is Burnett at his best, blending autobiography and documentary, combining a dramatisation of his own education in the music with a broader cultural account of its history.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor Directed by Rob Cohen Starring: Brendan Fraser, Jet Li, not Rachel Weisz.

Reviewed by Art Focker

The latest Mummy movie was nothing exceptional. There seems to be a severe lack of movies which blow me away at the moment.

Film after film seems to just be stealing scenes, lines and plot points from other films and recycling them with bad American actors. Not that I think Brendan Fraser is a bad American actor. I actually like him a lot. His roguish good looks and insincere smile always make me wish I was a woman. Not a woman who looks like me of course. I’d be a good looking woman, with perky breasts, so I could attract Brendan Fraser. Yeah, that’d be excellent.

This is another sequel I was looking forward to this year. The first two films in this trilogy (I’m purposely not counting the homo-erotic jock fest The Scorpion King) were great fun. They were the best high budget action-comedies for my teenage years, perfect for dates and boys

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nights out in those dark days before we were old enough to drink.

This time round Rick and Evie O’Connell (played by an annoying actress markedly less skilled at acting than Rachel Weisz was in the previous films) travel to China to fight the resurrected army of Jet Li, the Dragon Emperor who vowed to rule the entire Earth two thousand years ago. Along the way they encounter Abominable Snowmen, the lost city of Shangri La and some of the worst one liners I have ever heard. The vast gaps between the hectic action sequences left me almost dozing in Chartwell’s super comfy seats, but the action scenes woke me right up again. My personal favourite was seeing a trio of kung fu fighting Yeti lay waste to a platoon of Chinese troops. It wasn’t very classy, but it was good trailer-park fun.

The special effects were actually impressive, which is really saying something when special effects are practically pouring out of recent films. The only problem I had with this film visually was the need of the camera to be constantly moving. It was like being on Ecstasy in an earthquake during a Pokemon battle sequence. Some truly awesome fight scenes were retarded by quick cuts and jerky camera shots. The martial arts battles were also heavy on wires and light on fighting.

I’m not going to defend this movie as a good piece of cinema. You’re going to hate the acting and the script, but you’d have to be a real freak to claim to hate the action scenes.

Go see it at the movies. I guarantee you’ll feel ripped off if you just hire it from a video store in six months time.

gift, I came across one a new release by one of his favourites – the bearded, camouflage-clad, gun-touting ‘Big Al’ Lester.

Before wrapping it and adding the standard packet of Pineapple Lumps, I decided to flick through the book myself.

Author: Al Lester Publisher: Penguin

For someone who knows nothing about deer and has never held a gun in her life, “Off The Track” is surprisingly readable. Al Lester writes in the way you’d imagine a Kiwi hunter to speak, spinning yarns and “boysy” tales about

Price: $37.00

his many adventures in the New Zealand bush.

Off The Track – More Tales from the New Zealand Bush

REVIEWED BY KATIE STONE

I’ve never been hunting. But when Father’s Day rolled around and I found myself browsing the Sports section of the bookstore for the ultimate “Dad”

Pixeljunk: Eden Q Games

Reviewed by Vitamin C Eden is the third game in the Pixeljunk series, which are games that have been released exclusively on the Playstation Store. Like Monsters and Racers before it, Eden is a deceptively simple take on a classic type of game; in this case a 2D platformer.

You control a Grimp, and the idea is to navigate your way around a garden and collect Spectra. You start at the bottom, and you need to jump and swing your way upwards to each Spectra, of which there are five in each garden. Each garden you enter is mostly empty, so you need to help it grow. By collecting pollen, you can fill seeds, at which point landing on them will cause them to erupt with life and sprout plant-life, allowing you access to higher seeds and eventually a Spectra. This gameplay mechanic is sublimely addictive once you’re in tune with how the

There’s plenty of good old Kiwi humour and in-jokes that are probably best appreciated by seasoned hunters.

Between Landrovers, huts and makeshift campsites, Al and his various hunting buddies run into all kinds of mishaps and hilarious situations. The whole spectrum of hunting is covered, from chasing pigs and deer to reeling in trout and whitebait.

Whether describing his mates, his trophies or his run-ins with furious pigs, Al has a way with words that makes even the near-disasters into a yarn. Each incident is recounted in a blokesy, hardcase manner that has you sitting next to the camp fire and sharing a beer with him.

Although the target audience is obvious, it doesn’t take much effort to enjoy the latest offering from this Kiwi hunting legend.

game works. The first few times I played it I found it very frustrating, but with perseverance I was better able to control my Grimp and fine tune its motion. Using a silk line you can swing for a limited time, and launch yourself into the air; mastery of this is how you chain up combos of busting pollen containers, which exponentially rewards your pollen collection.

Getting into the groove is the way to excel: if you relax and go with the flow you will find that the game conditions you into playing successfully. Released pollen guides you towards unopened seeds, and the higher you chain your combos the imagery unfolds with increased beauty and cohesion. Each garden has a different theme, which is expressed both in the level design, art, and trance soundtrack. As an example, one of the gardens (named Summer in winter) starts you at the bottom of a gritty wasteland, with harsh grungy music and seeds that blend into the background. As you persevere with difficult vertical climbing and seek out the potential for life, scrappy weeds will sprout at first, making

pollen collection and ascension slightly easier, enabling you to encourage the growth of taller, stronger and more beautiful plant life. As the pathways are unfolding, the cacophony from the bottom of the garden begins to harmonise with the sounds coming from the spectra.

Basically, you are guided by your senses: if you follow the pleasure, you can’t lose. Very Zen. If that grabs you, you owe yourself to try it.

Even the menu is an experience in itself; as you acquire the spectra, new plant-life grows in your Eden, allowing you to climb higher and access more gardens. The multiplayer mode increases the experience beautifully, and once you’d been in the garden with a buddy you’ll never go back to doing it alone.

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Where you come from is gone, where you’re going to weren’t never there, and where you are ain’t no use unless you can get away from it!

If you like Bob Dylan’s songs but not Bob Dylan… If you would like to see Johnny Cash play live, in the flesh, but his death has hampered your efforts… then this is the gig for you… On Friday, October 10th, (and now I quote) classic rock takes centre stage for one unforgettable night as accomplished musicians pay homage to two of rock’s greatest performers. Headlining the event is the Bob Dylan Experience, an energetic group of talented rockers and disciples of the legendary rock poet. Opening the show is the Johnny Cash Tribute, channeling the Man in Black as they kick off what promises to be an entertaining evening of dessert, coffee and dazzling music (end quote).

The show is being held at Raleigh Street Christian Centre, 121 Shakespeare St, in Cambridge, and the information I have tells me that we should check out www.iticket.co.nz (keyword= Bob Dylan) for tickets and directions.

For the low down on the next Band Experiments heat, check out next weeks issue. What do you think of the competition so far, eh? I am

SUPERTURTLE To the Rescue and Never Came Back/All Our Friends (7” 45rpm single) (Sarang Bang Records) Darren McShane, a do-it-your-self-made Auckland singer songwriter is behind this audacious debut effort from a kind of underground supergroup of sorts. Superturtle features members of Garageland, Chainsaw Masochist, White Swan Black Swan and Salon Kingsadore, to name a few, and has a special guest appearance from The Hot Grits’ horn section. The result is fairly harmless alt-pop, too soft to have edges but with the odd ear-pricking moment. Heavily influenced by Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, Rescue is reminiscent of early Split Enz without the thrilling ADHD-like spirals into madness, and Flying Nun’s more melodic catalogue of clients such as The Chills, without the memorable hooks – the music here is familiar to us and not always in the way that we like. The gold for me was at the end of the album with the clever “sound effects” of a lighter, toke and exhale in time in “I Got Stoned” followed by a couple of really thoughtful and well placed album concluders.

What the whole thing lacks in substance it more than makes up for in style. This album comes in a “classy gatefold 7” sleeve”, true dat, which, typically, houses a 7” single with the above named tunes on either side of the record. There is also a CD full of pics and you can access a video on the CD proper.

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writing this without having yet seen a heat let alone a band in this year’s competition and so am under-qualified to make any comment yet. But you’ll catch my thoughts on the Band Ex page (see above) either in this week of Nexus (if I can beat deadline) or in next week’s edition.

As for other shows around town, I recommend, for the groovy goose out there, turning up to Ward Lane this Friday (September 26) for a night of “dubstep, drum n bass and live electronica”. On the bill are Steppa Squad, Aum, Dold, Evade and The Hype. Check out www. myspace.com/aumnz for more details on that. And for all you loose blues Hamilton gooses coming up is a chance to shake a tail feather at Clarence Street Theatre on October 18 when local legend Midge Marsden teams up with Hammond Gamble. Tap www.ticketdirect. co.nz into your computer and find out more about that.

Song of the Week: “Watching the Detectives”

by Elvis Costello off the album reissue of My Aim Is True (1977)

DAVE DOBBYN Anotherland (Sony/BMG) The fact remains to this day that Dave Dobbyn can write a damn good song and has been doing so for well over 25 years. Anywhere else in the world there would be holidays in his name, he is our very own Van Morrison and has been overlooked much the same.

With Anotherland Dobbyn provides further proof of his genius, he’s been leaning towards gospel for several years now and here he falls over. As the years pile up a man either bellows and breaks or mellows and makes the most of it. “Somehow in the detail I ended up here, howling at the moon”, he says, resigned to fate but still able to do some small thing about it. For Dobbyn it’s singing God’s praises and learning to recognise Him everywhere while sharing his own all too familiar human foibles.

There are 16 vignettes in this collection (yes, it is too long), impeccably presented and produced, the right melody above the right chords distributed between the right instruments. It’s soulful and snug, milky milo warm, it grooves moans and even skanks and comforts with the softest tinge of nostalgia, never preaches, and, of course, provides ample catchy tunes to get snagged somewhere in your ear canal.

With Agony Art

Somebody drank the bong water again and decided Agony Art should do the gig guide! Again! Listings courtesy of HCAC and mammothguide.net!

Friday the 26th at Ward Lane Steppa Squad, Aum, Evade, dOld, & The Hype are coming down to shake the lane like never before with a D&B, live electronica, and Dubstep extravaganza. For $15, come rock out to a killer sound system and a full lighting experience.

Do you like the Phillipines? I do too! Join me and a lot of other people at Mystery Creek on the 24th of October from 6pm to enjoy the opening of the NZ Phillipine Festival. There’ll be sports! There’ll be cultural music and cultural arts! There’ll be ethnic food! Quickly!

What’s Spanish for “Please sir, may I have another?”

Louise Willis directs The Cemetery Club at the Riverlea Theatre! It’s about three Jewish women, long time friends; they meet at a cemetery every month to visit their husband’s graves. The only thing is everything is about to change! How? I have no fucking idea! I haven’t seen it! Go find out for yourself! For $25 you can go see the show and for $50 you get dinner and the show! It’d best be kosher or I’m going to go all Mel Gibson! The play runs from the 27th of September to the 11th of October. Go or be a goy!

Every Thursday for the next few weeks at Flow Bar on Victoria Street is the 2008 Band Experiments! It’s only $5 to go! Go! I don’t know who the bands are, but they’re from Hamilton, so go support them!

I’m slightly afraid of Te Awamutu, but I’d consider journeying to that land of destruction in order to see The Sheriffs and friends play at St Pats Hall on Rewi St. I’m not sure how much it’ll cost, but take some money anyways, just for a laugh!

And don’t forget! The 27th of September is the date for The Plot Thickens, the one day story writing competition which features me kicking all your asses with my ultimate story writing abilities! It’s $25 to enter and you have seven hours to create a story of no longer then 1200 words! Pffft! Piece of cake!

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BAR 101