issue 20 by Nexus Magazine

www.nexusmag.co.nz

14 September 2009

GAY PRIDE ISSUE

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ISSUE 20 Pride Week Editorial Special by Joshua Drummond

Credits: EDITOR: Joshua Drummond (editor@nexusmag.co.nz)

When I was in primary school there was a kid who preferred to hang out with the girls. He didn’t like bullsrush, or longball, and preferred to play games like “Queenie, Queenie,” and hopscotch. So we called him a girl, and teased him, and he’d get upset, sometimes, but that didn’t stop him from hanging out with the girls. The fact that his brothers were the biggest, macho-est, and most

after a year on correspondence, but kids never forget. I had to learn to laugh off the fag label, but it never really went away. The really scary thing was that I began to worry that I was gay. I wasn’t sexually attracted to men, but because I’d been brought up to believe, as a Christian kid, that gay people chose their sexuality (love the sinner, hate the sin, we were told.) What,

DESIGN: Talia Musson (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz)

pubic-hair endowed guys in the school only made his femininity stand out more. But we didn’t think anything of it. Words like gay and fag and queer were just insults, then. They had no application to actual people. Me and this bloke went to different highschools, and I never thought much of him after that. I had my own problems to deal with. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that I was a socially maladjusted kid. I dressed weird on mufti days, I was short, I was religious, which I advertised in my lack of inclination to swear or join in on dirty jokes, and my willingness to invite people to know Jesus as their personal saviour. To reallly rub it in, I was smarter than the average dickwad, Book-smart, that is. My social smarts were non-existent. This is why I slipped up one day and described a dude who I’d seen performing CPR in a first-aid class as “hunky,” to a couple of what I thought were hard-won friends. I had no idea what the word meant. The context I’d heard it being used in had led me to believe it meant “muscular” or similar. There was no denying the guy I was talking about was built, but I hadn’t meant it to refer to him as sexually attractive. Unfortunately, my mates didn’t take it that way. That day is burned into my brain. I can still see their reaction - half afraid, half laughing - when I made the fatal slip. It took about a day for the news to spread around the school that I was gay. Explaining that I wasn’t and that I hadn’t known what “hunky” meant only made things worse, as it does in school. The shitstorm was unbelievable. I lost any tenuous friendships I might have had. The guys I’d been talking to at the time swiftly became my worst enemies, and the endless teasing got to the stage where I lashed out and hit one of them, in the middle of class. This didn’t help my reputation, and I was eventually pulled out of school. I went back,

then, was stopping me from swinging that way? Only Jesus, I’d been taught. I became pretty homophobic as a result. I really didn’t want to be turned, somehow. I’d seen what people even suspected of being gay got for their trouble. It was enough. High school ended, and I eventually found myself working at a local cafe. It was there I ran into the feminine kid from primary. He was as gay as the happiest man on earth and as queer as a nine dollar note. He wasn’t exactly forthcoming with details with his own highschool life, but what he did reveal sounded like a living hell. What became obvious, to me, was that he clearly hadn’t “chosen” to be gay. He’d obviously been that way since he was a kid. I looked into it, on this newfangled thing called the Internet, and found that scientists tended to agree with this conclusion. Homosexuality isn’t a choice. It’s part of the way people are. Having had this experience, I can say I genuinely feel for the people who have had similar things happen because they were gay. I at least had the knowledge that I wasn’t and one day everyone would just shut up to fall back on. But for a gay kid, going through shit at high school, let alone the rest of their lives - I don’t know how they do it. It’s amazing that anyone copes at all. It takes some pretty colossal bravery to soldier on through something like that and be proud of who you are at the end. There’s no doubt the world’s changing for gay people. I have no doubt that gay kids (or those accused or suspected of being gay) are still tormented at school, but at least in most developed countries it’s slowly becoming okay to be a homosexual adult. It’s far better than it ever was before. But it’s not far enough. We’ll know it is when there’s no longer a need to have a Pride Week at all.

BOOKS EDITOR: Penny Wilson (books@nexusmag.co.nz)

ADVERTISING: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) NEWS EDITOR: Grant Burns (news@nexusmag.co.nz) FEATURES EDITOR: Chris Parnell (features@nexusmag.co.nz) SUB-EDITOR: Louise Blackstock WEB GURU: Jed Laundry (jlaundry@gmail.com) MUSIC EDITOR: Nick Johnstone (music@nexusmag.co.nz) FILM EDITOR: Kirill Kruger (films@nexusmag.co.nz)

GAMES EDITORS: Antony and Chris Parnell (games@nexusmag.co.nz)

Contributors 8 Ball, WSU, Kirill, Chris Parnell, Vitamin C, Burton C. Bogan, Nick Sicklemore, Dr Richard Swainson, Josh, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash Medallion, Blair Munro, Jason Sebestian, Penny Wilson, Antony Parnell, Nick Johnston, Louise Blackstock, Hollie Jackson, Lord Bhfulu, Teresa Hattan, Blair Munro, Emma Swete, Jed Laundry, Jessica Zonneveld, and Art. Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) Because it means we get to go to the ASPA awards and watch Critic win everything. Which is a lovely excuse to burn things. THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. NEXUS: GAY AND HAPPY, HAPPY AND GAY.

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL ads@nexusmag.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176 6180

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: editor@nexusmag.co.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

Magic 1000 Ball By the Binary Eight Ball

Is it wise to pull the power plug on a WOW player? You may rely on it – sure, there will be tantrums, screaming and maybe some biting at ﬁrst, but soon they will settle down. They will look a little wildly around themselves, and marvel at all the colours this “real world” represents. They will stumble out of their dank cavern, and marvel at the wonders of an Earth sunset. They will thank you for restoring their life. That, or they’ll just hit you real hard and plug back in.

the Moon is. And when he rolls a 20 (God plays dice in mysterious ways) Armageddon happens. Enjoy your apocalypse.

Is it safe to sit beside the Uni lakes? Concentrate and ask again – clearly your mind is befuddled from sitting next to the scenic Uni lakes, on the green grass, under the cosmic rays streaming from the supermassive gravity well undergoing spontaneous fusion high in the sky. Use sunscreen.

You would feel unnatural pangs of desire for Dolly Parton and each year make the haj or “pilgrimage” to Nashville. You would, in short, be a prick. And you’re not. Rock on!

Does god play with dice? Yes – haven’t you heard of the uncertainty principle? No? Never mind. God is playing a great big game of craps in the sky. That’s what

Hi Guys! It’s me, your old buddy PM! Salubrations! So yeah I got asked to judge the caption competitions this week lol. Anyway. So yeah. It’s about time we had some change around here. I’m like Barack Obama! Anyway, it’s time to judge the caption competition! Roﬂcopter badger badger mushroom friend me on Facebook?

Haha here’s this weeks winner everyone! “Ryan felt that wearing a tie made him look elegant. Unfortunately, he was wrong.” 4

Am I a little bit country? People keep telling me I’m not that rock and roll. Very doubtful – if you were even a little bit country, you’d know it. You would ﬁnd yourself wondering why pubs don’t play more Kenny Rodgers, and you’d feel like domestic situations required either the beating or shooting of your wife (or both, not necessarily in that order.)

If you could split the nucleus of an atom into two fragments, and the mass of the fragments was less than the mass of the original nucleus, would the difference in mass be transformed into energy? Outlook not so good – everyone knows that when you split an atom, a leprechaun appears

Congratulations Jake lol! You should be my friend on Facebook. I took smiling classes before the election? Do you think they worked! Honourable mentions? “Steve the erotic psychic used his powers to lift up Fat Joe. He proceeded used one mind ﬁnger to rip his pants and another to stimulate his prostate. Pleasant surprise showed on Fat Joe’s face.” – stalin_smells “Keanu Reeves tries to lose some pounds before reprising his role in The Matrix” – Gregory Wilson Well there you go, Vote National and enter the caption competition next week! Here is how! Simply invent a funny as bro caption for this image yo and send it to either captions@ nexusmag.co.nz or the caption thread at forums.nexusmag.co.nz! Yeah that’s all from me John Key, be cool and I’ll see you next time! Beached as bros! Haha lol yeah ﬁscal policy

and grants a wish. It happened once at a place called Hiroshima. Look it up. Is it weird if Kim Kardashian sleeps in her workout clothes so she can get up early at 6am and work out? Without a doubt – it is very weird, but that doesn’t stop you from wanting to sleep with her. You long for her sweaty cleft, her salty poon, her tangy vertical seafood taco, and the chafey spot between her pendulous full breasts. You may yet get it, if you can master the art of avoiding complex security systems. Are baby jokes funny? Yes definitely – given the proper context. The “proper context” might be more easily defined as things it is not. For example, your grandma’s house, a church, the corporatesponsored puzzle page of a magazine read by a wide variety of persons, and an infant ward at a hospital may all be defined as “improper contexts.”

“Ryan felt that wearing a tie made him look elegant. Unfortunately, he was wrong.”

1. Dogtron 2. Home-made pipe bombs 3. Semi 4. More sports in the sports shed 5. Rock concert

1. Go hard 2. Gone flatting 3. Yup 4. More parking 5. Rock concert

1. Pumps in a bump 2. I went on a hydroslide once 3. Yes especially the Feminine Files 4. Hold raves on the island in the lake 5. Belly dancer of the universe contest

1. Nexustown, or maybe Pumps in a bump town. 2. Got hit by a car 3. Yes – best column for the Feminine Files 4. Repaint campus purple with a dash of green 5. Rugby rock concert

1. New Berlin 2. I walked up Te Aroha! 3. I’ve got a feeling there’s going to be an award on the cards 4. I would build a pontoon theatre in the middle of the lake made out of canoes and pontoons 5. Or they could build a pontoon theatre instead

ISSUE 20 14 September 09

Fees rise – what a surprise We actually got off pretty lightly By Grant Burns

The University Council has decided by majority to implement three sets of fee rises for 2010. These fee increases are for domestic undergraduate tuition fees, postgraduate tuition fees, and the student services levy. The increase to domestic undergraduate tuition fees will be 1.95% to compensate for rising inflation and economic downturn and was approved by everyone on council, including the WSU, as a forward-thinking initiative. “So we recommend we increase our undergraduate domestic tuition fees by that 1.95% mark and up to 5% in the engineering department,” said Head of Finances Andrew McKinnon. The increase to postgraduate tuition fees will be by $500 per EFTS (Equivalent Full Time Student) which the WSU opposed but was still passed through majority. The reasoning from Council behind the decision was that in previous years postgraduate fees did not rise and when they did rise, it was only by $250 a time. The final decision reached by Council was that the student services levy should rise by 40% as opposed to the original 80%. This would thus change the student services levy from $100 to $140 for 2010. When the increase was first bought to the finance committee its intentions were to raise it to $180, but thanks to the WSU, acting on behalf of the students, the figure was brought down to a $40 increase.

WSU President Ben Delaney was not overly impressed with the Council’s decisions. “The WSU supports the small increase in domestic fees as this insures the continuation of quality education for domestic students. However, the WSU opposed the 40% increase in student levy charged by the university. Although, this increase was lowered from the original 80% due to lobbying by the WSU, we still think that a 40% increase is too high for students to adjust to in 2010. Also, the WSU opposed the postgraduate increase on the grounds that just because other tertiary institutions around the country are doing it, it does not mean Waikato University needs to follow suit.” After a very drawn out meeting in a stuffy, sterile compartment in B Block, Nexus was ordered to shove off by a walrus wearing a pinstripe suit as the conﬁdential part of the meeting commenced. With a ﬁnal backward glance, Nexus thought it caught sight of Council members donning black cloaks, whetting long, black knives, and the sound of a lamb crying for mercy over the sepulchral chanting of “Money. Money. Money.”

Learning for a week as an adult By Grant Burns

The sun shone throughout the whole of Adult Learners Week last week as Waikato University took the time to reﬂect and appreciate the mature students on campus. On the Wednesday, the WSU put on a free nacho lunch which many starving students took advantage of. According to mince chef Dave, all the nachos (3 pots worth) were gone within 20 minutes - which equates to a successful event. In the afternoon, the Adult Learner’s awards took place at the Academy of Performing Arts. Four Vice-Chancellor awards were given out to mature students in categories such as contribution to the university, academic achievement, and hardship. The WSU also presented two other awards which included an award for a mature student 6

earning academic achievement while also being a full-time parent. WSU Mature and Disabilities Director, David Snell, was very impressed about how the week panned out. “[Adult Learner’s Week] has been a really great success. Everyone loved the nacho lunch on Wednesday, which was pleasing to see. Also, the fact that mature students are able to be recognised for their academic and co-curricular activities is really awesome because it shows the diversity and different age demographic of students studying here at Waikato University.” Waikato University was not the only campus that celebrated adult learners last week. Adult Learner’s Week is a nationwide event across all campuses in New Zealand as part of a UNESCO initiative.

The WSU would also like to personally thank all those mature students who attend Waikato University –because you’re never too old to learn something new.

Teaching Excellence Awards

Nominations open for 2009 The University of Waikato supports and encourages teaching excellence. Students and staff are encouraged to nominate teachers who they think do an outstanding job for a teaching award in 2009. Those teachers who receive at least five separate nominations will be considered for an award. You may nominate as many teachers as you wish, but can only nominate each teacher once. To complete a nomination form, visit www.waikato.ac.nz/hrm/nomination Nominations close on Friday 18 September 2009. For this round of Teaching Excellence Awards, nominees must be from the Schools of Education, Computing and Mathematical Sciences, Science and Engineering or Waikato Management School.

0800 WAIKATO www.waikato.ac.nz

State of the campus = no students Nexus apologizes for giving the wrong date By Grant Burns

Vice-Chancellor Roy Crawford did not give his state of the campus address last Tuesday in L.G.04. Instead, due to there being no students present, he basically had a one-on-one interview with Nexus and the President of the WSU. (However, the mistake was on my behalf because I did not give a speciﬁc date for the address in last week’s issue so I wholeheartedly apologise for that – News Ed.) The main issues of discussion were: the reconstruction of the University, student enrolments, and fees. First up, Nexus asked him whether Waikato University will actually turn students away due to an inﬂation in student numbers. “We will not be cutting enrolments, instead we will be dealing with it internally, we may have to apply deadlines more rigorously or apply our

interest in the things that are right at the front of the teaching, research, and so on. So, once we got all this agreed, I think it will be very easy for us to put a package together to sell the structure.” “The point I was making wasn’t for advertising purposes…we hope the student voice will be heard more clearly to the person who has all the inﬂuence, so for example, the Dean of Law will be focusing totally what is good for law.” In response to another question, Vice- Chancellor revealed possible restrictions to the Halls of Residence. “Halls of Residence looking at ways – is it in the right place at the moment? Because it’s part of student academic services at the moment as I understand it. So, thinking would it be better in a more commercial

standards more rigorously, and we will try and do it in that way so we’re not turning away students,” said Vice-Chancellor Roy Crawford. When asked the question of what the beneﬁts of a new internal reconstruction would be for the students, The Vice-Chancellor said... something. “Well the points that were made to me that it looks good in an organisation that the Vice-Chancellor and Chief Executive are taking an

arm of the university so it can generate more revenue for itself to offer better Halls of Residence.” Also, Nexus received an email from a student who says there is a petition going around campus to oppose the proposed removal of foreign language courses from Waikato University and present it to the ViceChancellor. Nexus will be following these issues very closely.

Nexus founding editor recognised by University By Grant Burns

Founding editor of Nexus magazine and current Equal Employment Opportunities Commissioner Dr Judy McGregor was earlier this month ofﬁcially recognised by the University of Waikato for her enormous contribution in the ﬁelds of human rights, equal employment opportunities and the media. Dr McGregor was one of only three to receive a Distinguished Alumni Award on September 4 at a university function hosted by the Chancellor, former Prime Minister Jim Bolger, and the ViceChancellor, Professor Roy Crawford. Dr McGregor graduated from Waikato in 1970 with a Bachelor of Arts and went on to graduate in law before gaining a doctorate in political communication. While at Waikato, Dr McGregor was a founding editor of Nexus magazine which set her up for a distinguished career in journalism, seeing her work as editor of the Sunday News and the Auckland Star.

Dr McGregor acknowledges the time she spent at Waikato as inspiring and fundamental. “The University of Waikato opened up to me the power and privilege of education and to the inﬂuence of journalism,” said Dr McGregor. “I’ll always be grateful for the fantastically rich undergraduate life experienced at Waikato, and to the inspiration provided by the academics who taught me.” After graduating and leaving Waikato, she subsequently published widely on communication, the media and the power of the press to present ideas, while also serving on the Broadcasting Standards Authority. During her time as a professor at Massey University, Dr McGregor founded the New Zealand Centre for Women and Leadership, publishing three major surveys on women’s participation in leadership roles. In 2007, Dr McGregor helped set up the New Zealand

Women in Leadership Programme - the ﬁrst nationwide attempt to boost the number of women in senior academic roles. The university’s distinguished alumni awards are made each year to no more than three people. They recognise and celebrate Waikato University alumni who have made an outstanding contribution to their profession, to the community, to the arts or sport, or to more than one of these areas since graduation from Waikato University. The other two recipients this year are disarmament expert Alyn Ware and celebrity chef Annabelle White. All three recipients will be presented with a limited edition cast-glass ﬁgure created exclusively for the award.

Nominations open for 2009 Nominations are now open for the Teaching Excellence Awards for 2009. Visit www.waikato.ac.nz/hrm/nomination for more details and to complete a nomination form. 8

0800 WAIKATO www.waikato.ac.nz

Where have all the crazy bastards gone? By Grant Burns

Finally, someone has found a way to get over the Fairfield Bridge within a minute during peak hour traffic. The Fairfield Bridge ‘high road’ hasn’t been used since the bridge was built in 1937, until last weekend when motorcycle enthusiast, Jonathon “Carver” Bennett, rode his 250cc trail bike over it.

An experienced trials motorcyclist, Mr Bennett has been riding since he was 12, and had contemplated the stunt for ﬁve years.

The 24 year-old leader of the Mormon Few Stunt Crew managed to ride his 100kg Beta Techno trail bike over the 70cm wide concrete humps under 60 seconds. The highest point of the bridge is 7.9m above the road, otherwise another cool 15m to the watery depths below.

However, a YouTube video of the stunt has been pulled from the website because of fears Mr Bennett could be charged with reckless use of a motor vehicle, careless use of a motor vehicle, and/or endangering transport.

Bennett rode his bike up a plank on to the humps then fanged it over the three arches to sweet safety on the other side.

Originally, Mr Bennett wanted to close the bridge for the stunt but realised the cost and logistics was too difﬁcult, so instead he did the stunt illegally.

Bennett talked to the Waikato Times about his daring stunt.

“I knew it would’ve been out of my reach to do it legally. I couldn’t have afforded it,” said Bennett.

He trained for the stunt for three nights a week for a month, using planks elevated about a metre off the ground and “about as wide as a shoe”.

“I knew it could be done, and I wanted to prove I could do it. I knew the risks, but I wasn’t prepared to try something that would end my life or put me in hospital.”

Nexus encourages all readers who are running late to uni to try the “Fairﬁeld Bridge high road.”*

“I wouldn’t let myself fall off, it’s that simple.”

*Lies. Do not actually try this.

Mrs Higgins Oven Fresh Cookies Free meals for starving students As part of a church social service initiative, starving, cash-strapped students (and other members of the public) can go to different churches around Hamilton daily for free or low-cost meals depending on the day/ church. And who said God didn’t exist, eh? Phone the Citizens’ Advice Bureau on 0800 367222 if you are interested and they will give you all the days and dates.

...just the Yummiest

COOKIES in town • American style soft chewy centres • Baked fresh on our premises

Wintec staff to strike Tertiary Education Union members at Wintec and other polytechs around the country have voted to take industrial action against their employers. The strike comes from the proposal to increase staff working days by 10% from 185 per year to 204.

Hamilton changes city name to ‘ITM’ Owners of the V8 Supercars series have chosen to take the money over loyalty. In a decision made earlier this month, event organisers have now decided to change the race name from the Hamilton 400 to the ITM 400. Dean Calvert, owner of the ITM 400, would not specify how much the deal cost but Nexus baselessly believes it was millions of dirty dollars. So, good on you ITM!

• Over 10 flavours daily to choose from

FREE COOKIE OFFER

Yes! Purchase 3 Cookies and get 1 extra Cookie FREE! Ma Higgins Café Foodcourt, Downtown Plaza, Ward Street

Conditions:One OneFree Free Cookie Cookie Offer Offer per Conditions: per Coupon. Coupon.Expires Expires30/11/08 30/11/09

Open the mic tonight By Bronwyn Porter

Well Hamilton, I’m impressed. I’d like to take a few words to say how damn awesome you are. The huge sense of community here keeps rearing its cute little duck face! After reading Grant’s article about The Band Experiments, we got wind of something even better - and it’s on campus! As you may or may not have noticed, Momento Cafe has been running its Open Mic Night every Thursday from 5pm for some time now. It turns out that they have been so successful that they are about to put on a ‘Summer Series Open Mic Night’. “We’ve been running them for ﬁve weeks since last term and they went so well we thought we’d do a ‘Summer Series’, especially with the weather warming up and people being able to enjoy sitting outside listening to our local talent play!” says Momento info lady Courtenay.

Also, after the ﬁve weeks of competition there will be a ‘Best Of’ round with the winner earning a spot to play on the Waikato University leg of the 2009 Orientation Tour. “We run them at our Uni Lakes café with the PA provided by WSU and this series we are running a competition alongside the WSU with the winner getting a spot to play at O’Week 2010.” The Open Mic Night is designed to encourage “fresh new local talent to have a nice relaxed space to perform in.” It’s the kind of event that offers so much to the community. Whether you’re musically talented, or not, it’s a great opportunity for those budding musos to gain experience in a safe environment. But, if you’re like me and don’t know an A chord from your G, it’s a wicked opportunity to hear something different whilst doing what we all do best, having a casual bevy.

Remember – anyone can enter, and it’s not limited only to musicians; you just need to contact Courtenay (see details below). If you’re not so much the performing type, I encourage you all to come and watch – see you down there! Either way, well done to Momento for supporting the community and I challenge other businesses on campus to do the same! Call Courtenay on 021 891810 or email info@ momentoespresso.co.nz

Can you write?

Then Nexus wants you – badly By the same old Grant Burns Are you sick and tired of opening up a fresh Nexus every Monday morning only to see the same old name under the majority of news stories? Well, I sure am (not only because I have to write all the news) but because I know there are those of you out there that could a better job than I do – way better.

year you will be a conﬁdent writer on his or her way to an aspiring career in the media.

So, as a result, Nexus wants you to join the family!

If you love music, movies, having heaps of fun, drinking, intellectual argument, making a difference, or just want to be more involved in the whole campus experience, then join Nexus! You will soon ﬁnd yourself with likeminded individuals, hanging out in an awesome newsroom, and scoring yourself heaps of freebies and special opportunities to meet famous peoples.

Perhaps you’ve always wanted to become a journalist, be a writer, or be a part of the media but just never knew where to start or how. Well, Nexus is here to give a kick start to your chosen career - whether you want to write news or be news. From now until the end of the year, ANYONE interested in writing for Nexus can come along and get informed how to write news from us. We will be able to teach you the basic rules and etiquettes of journalism, so by the start of next 10

This doesn’t mean we’ll just be teaching you the ‘hard news’ format. We feature all styles of media reporting from concert reviews to gonzo journalism.

Think of Nexus as a university club, except better, cheaper, and with more (?) drunken shenanigans. Also, being a part of the student media (ASPA) looks really awesome on your CV

because it shows you did more than just study as a student. Also, if you quote ‘Fear and Loathing’ more than once a week, you MUST join Nexus! It’s a littleknown rule. Nexus – gonzo liberal commie pinko rock ‘n’ roll journalism since 1969.

Vault – May 23, 2005

Pornography 101 Taught by Grant Burns

Do you like porn? Yeah, you do. Well, then this course is for you. University of Iowa Graduate, Jay Clarkson, is offering a one-time course at the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences on the role of pornography within popular culture. Clarkson told the Associated Press that his goal is to encourage people to think about how pornography has moved from the domain of adult-only magazines to everyday mainstream advertising. “It’s not a class about enjoying or viewing pornography. We will certainly be talking and reading critics who are against pornography,” said Clarkson. However, viewing of porn ﬁlms

and other explicit content isn’t a compulsory part of the course. Clarkson also claimed that students taking the class purely for shits and giggles “will be disappointed”. Of course, there is a lot of controversy surrounding this class. Iowa House speaker Chris Rants obviously hasn’t watched porn before in his life. “Do they know that we’re not done with their (education) budget yet? I’m pretty sure we don’t need to increase state funding by $40 million to teach critical pornography studies.”

HAMILTON’S BIGGEST SPORTING BATTLE Sunday 27 September / From 10am / Grantham St, Hamilton

I CAN’T PAY! Justin needs legal help to sort out a complex family matter but he can’t afford a lawyer.

BRYAN GOULD CUP / 12 NOON UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO vs / SYDNEY UNIVERSITY (AUS)

THE GALLAGHER GREAT RACE / 1PM UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO vs / OXFORD UNIVERSITY (UK)

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge database to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 8384466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB. By the way if Justin’s income is below a certain amount and he is over 16 he may be entitled to civil / family legal aid which is available for many types of private disputes and other non-criminal problems that will, or might, go to court. The legal aid covers all the lawyer’s costs. Justin may have to repay some or all of his legal aid. He would be wise to access the legal services agency website at lsa.govt.nz for more information.

www.thegreatrace.co.nz

East Hamilton Police Burglary & Vehicle Crime Report In the past two weeks there were 44 burglaries and 14 vehicles either stolen or broken into in the Hamilton East and adjoining rural areas. Burglaries have increased significantly throughout the whole area of Hamilton East with no single area identified as a major target. Analysis of complaints show the majority of these burglaries happened on a Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, while the victims were away. Windows or glass door panels being smashed remain the common method of entry for offender(s) to gain entry into residential homes and student flats. Thieves are targeting small electronic items, such as laptop computers, iPods and digital cameras and other small attractive items that are easy to remove and on-sell. Circumstances of a Burglary: Students left their flat about 11:30hrs on 07/08/2009 to go into town and returned 01:30hrs the following morning.

On their return they discovered the back door unlocked and open. Once inside they noticed several personnel items including laptops, electrical gear, digital cameras and Xbox had been taken. Question from the Police: When you go out, do you ensure your flat is secure? Are the windows shut and do the locks work properly? If they don’t, you can contact your landlord or property manager to arrange their repair or replacement. Have you put identification numbers on your valuables? Often Police recover items when arresting offenders- is your property marked to help Police identify the owner and return your stolen goods? Information on how to protect your home or flat is available from the East Hamilton Community Policing Centre on Clyde St. If you have any information that might help Police resolve these burglaries please call the University Constable, Nick Sickelmore on 8582792 or email Nicholas.Sickelmore@police.govt.nz

The Nexus Haiku News By Drummond-san

Right savages ‘socialist’ Obama “Socialist,” they say He’s not a socialist Any more than you’re gay

Ellen DeGeneres Idol’s new judge This will be fun Simon Cowell, Randy, Kara and a lesbian!

Obama: ‘Stop bickering and work with me’ Listen, Republican shits Shut the fuck up Give real health care a chance

Solo teen sailor ‘still keen’ Secret: She didn’t crash She just had to come back for Her vibrator

Stoned drivers think they’re bulletproof: Minister Actually, Stephen Joyce Weed makes you less conﬁdent More paranoid

Sleep-deprived doctors told to drink coffee Doctors told to drink caffeine Instead of eating Methamphetamines

The Beatles: Rock Band Rock Band It’ll be great – in 2012 When it comes to New Zealand

Men have an eye for women’s breasts “Men look at breasts.” The bleeding obvious: Consider it Pointed out

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Letter of the Week

Student Life: Retarded?

Letters may also be sent via the letters thread at forums.nexusmag.co.nz. We sometimes get too many letters to publish these days – but don’t stop

Several weeks ago, instead of my normal meetings and hoo-ha, I took time out to actually attend a Student Life talk about demonic possession. A few of my friends and I decided to turn up to this intriguing sounding meeting. I went in sincerely hoping to hear an objective account of the history of people’s superstitions throughout Christian history. What was actually talked about was the existence of demons in real life. The presentation material involved

movements after which they go limp, but remain unconscious. Gradually the person regains consciousness and will likely feel very tired.” Loss of consciousness/blacking out; Falling to the ground and possible cessation of breathing/ fainting as if dead; Jerky limb movements/ convulsions and ﬁts. These two sets of symptoms seem to have a fair ﬁt (no pun intended). And here is why my goat was gotten: little fresh-

sending them! Letters that don’t make it into the mag can be viewed in the forum as well.

gory pictures of people practicing self harm, such as this one: and the whole background was of a horror movie poster style with distant

faced Harleif, barely started school, suffered a short series of epileptic ﬁts. I can assure all the people at Student Life that while my brain was

Txts to the Editor!

“I went in sincerely hoping to hear an objective account of the history of people’s superstitions throughout Christian history. What was actually talked about was the existence of demons in real life”

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Nexus now has a non-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Busted-type situations to 021 235 8436. Letters policy: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to editor@ nexusmag.co.nz

crows circling in the grainy dusk sky. That’s not what got my goat. What really got me was his description of the “symptoms” of possession (that and the little side comment that to apply ‘Science’ to this field is disrespectful). Blacking out, fainting as if dead, convulsions and fits. In the era of modern medicine, we call this “Epilepsy”. Epilepsy is a neurological disorder, it affects around 50 million people worldwide, according to the latest World Health Organisation figures. The symptoms of this ailment are varied, but more severe seizures can have symptoms which match almost exactly the presented “symptoms” of demonic possession, more specifically the classification of seizures known as ‘Tonic-clonic’. To quote the definition in the Glossary on the Angioma Alliance website: “During a tonic-clonic seizure, a person loses consciousness, falls to the ground, and may stop breathing for a short period. They then have a period of jerky limb

having a spaz, I did not commune with demons, jinni, or any other kind of spirit; the biggest thing that happened was I scared the ba-jeezes out of my brother who I was bunking with at the time. That and I woke up in hospital with a concerned family circled around me, and no recollection of how or why I was there in the ﬁrst place. So here’s my message to the people running Student Life: Please, for the love of God, don’t use fear and obedience tactics to make your members good Christians. How about using the promise of a better world through peace, love andunderstanding. I’m sure you’re all really nice guys, but can we please move away from looking at ‘others’ as evil? The father of modern medicine, Hippocrates, once remarked that epilepsy would cease to be considered divine the day it was understood. Harlief Skankhammer III

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Course cuts: Shortsighted?

Chivarly: Interesting?

Now is it just me, or does it seem like the current government has no concept of the future? For instance, two of the most popular languages have been “proposed” to receive the chop. Now I know for a fact that Spanish is one of the most global languages in the world. It is a language that is far more spoken than German and has broader applications than Chinese. So it begs the question, why is it proposed to be axed. For that matter also, why are the staff even considering axing a

dismissed. I know a number of students who have greatly beneﬁted from the assistance that CUP courses have given them. They feel able to cope with University papers, it has given them conﬁdence and has acted as a pathway to University study. I know the University is experiencing shortages of money, but at least an effort could be made to protect these things. I would say we could petition the government, but knowing them we would be told to go back to our partying and ignore issues that matter.

While your article on chivalry was interesting, it was fundamentally ﬂawed. We men may perform chivalrous deeds, but they are not out of the goodness of our hearts. Sure it’s courteous, but there is most certainly an ulterior motive: we actuallywould like sex in return. Why do you think hot girls get more doors held open for them? Because everyone wants to smash their box, that’s why. And yes, we all know opening a door for some prozzy does not simultaneously open her panties, but that is besides the point. I have

language? It boggles the mind. Are we to act like ignoramuses, forever exclaiming to people to speak English, even in their native country? There is also the matter of removing CUP that is being considered, another proposal which I feel I should oppose. I haven’t ever taken CUP, however I believe that it should not be

We only recently heard about these proposals. There was no warning, there was no attempt at discovering general feeling from students. At least an open meeting would have been appreciated. I do not get riled up easily however, once I am I tend to get passionate about things. This is one of them. SOS. Save Our Subjects.

consulted with many of my friends, and they are all in agreement. If you do not believe me, stand outside a lecture theater and watch the fat disgusting ones heave away at the doors on their own while the hot ones have free passage to rootsville. Perhaps this analogy extends to bus seats also, but buses are for communists and gypsies, so I wouldn’t know. Sincerely, Jake the Rapist.

Text of the week prize pack! We’ll provide the Text of the Week writer with a ﬁx of New Zealand’s freshest and bestest Gravity Coffee! All you have to do is text in with something worth wasting words on.

Spank you Thank god uni is back! If I had to go another week without my nexus I would have shot someone Well done. Come to WSU reception and get your coffee. Bring your cellphone so we know it’s you – Ed.

Who cares? Hi Nexus, ZB news reports that pedestrian cross signals @ trafﬁc lights in Wgtn will now be symbolic women, 2 recognise women’s votes. Nothng betta 2 do? Alan

Oh noes, spelling mistakes in teh Lettuce? This week’s lettuce conspicuously lacked apostrophes in “week’s”. Sort it out, you are uni students…teachers too.

Whoops, we misspelled the misspelling Doesn’t ‘inglorious’ basterds have another ‘u’ in it? I’m confused to which movie I have seen now.

Why are people still talking about this? Adrian ﬁrmin.u disgust me. Has the system beaten you so badly that you come 2 its defence like its bitch? At least logan is standing up and getting ‘mad as hell.’

Riiiight… Agony art. So it is ok 2 abuse everyone but the gays? I think we shouldn’t say mean things 2 anyone.your article is so full of hate. You need a mouth sized tampon.

Riiiight…#2 I love nexus. All those wanting letters containing anything other than smack can fuck off..Also to fuckwit who complained about exclamation marks Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bimbo YES da storys mentioned u! U Blonde bimbo! Dnt go hatin on a wonderful tutor just caus she gets anoyd at u bein a fuckn rude cow! Go bakta primary skwl!

We know. We’re sorry. Really, very, sorry. Jokes in the 17 August 2009 issue. Not cool.

The Execution With Cynthia Manilow

I remember, when I was a young writer covering these Executive meetings of the Waikato Student Union. There was a lot of name calling and finger pointing, quite often accompianied by people letting their phones ring in the middle of the meeting, as if this somehow gave them the political leverage needed to justify being that much of an insatiable jerk. Those days, I am sad to report, are a thing of the past. There was none of the good old fashioned snarkiness. There was very little name calling. I’m pretty sure only one finger was pointed and that was up, when Kate found out that she could get an extension on her assignment through a letter of apology written by President Pene to her lecturer. This apparently happens all over the country, so if you’re a little late with an assignment, I recommend flicking Pene an email and asking for a letter of extension from him. It’s your union, take it for a little spin. Pene and Whetu have been putting in the hard yards lately it seems. Whetu, that loveable bear-man hybrid with mad guitar skills, went to three separate student conferences in a four day period. He attended the Maori Law Students Conference, the Maori Students Conference and the NZUSA Conference. He travelled from S block to Taranaki and all the way to Christchurch. Congratulations Whetu. You’re right tough. Pene, meanwhile, was battling to keep university a little cheaper for us little folk. He got an 80% increase in the student services levy brought down to a 40% increase. I can see it now: Pene and Jim Bolger going head to head in a pit, with a cheering crowd of leather bound chancellors and vicechancellors screaming for blood. Gives me goosebumps thinking about how awesome that would be to see. I give twenty points to both Pene and Whetu. Uncle Jim, the Potato King of Waikato, has made a call to student’s detriment however, by for University Council meetings to be held during OUR cultural hour, thus lessening the likelihood of any of us actually being able to attend. Pene went to bat for us on this over as well, but got LBW’d by the former Prime Minister on the first ball of the season. Or something else that sounds crickety. Anyways, having the University Council meeting at that time isn’t cricket. Around now, I noticed what people were doing. It was mostly due to the fact that people had started to talk about money. I don’t like talking about money. I don’t even like having it. As soon as I do, I get rid of it. Anya, as all ways, was fantastically put together. I think I’ll move to one

of the Formeer Soviet Republics one day in order to hopefully get some of her fashion sense. Dave Snell, on the other hand, looked like he’d just got drunk at an Outrageous Fortune after-party at the Headhunter’s HQ. I guess it’s the look he’s going for. Kate was easily distracted during the whole thing, most likely due to the impending deadline for the aforementioned assignment. She has pretty eyes. Jeff managed to dress like the lampshade in an old folks home. He smelled nice though. Madam Bissett, of the House Atraides, really outdid herself with an amazing faded denim jacket, which really complimented her olive skin. Glen, great clothes as normal. Pene, on the other hand, looked like a roadcone in a bright orange polar fleece. I became magically un-bored, as Jeff left the meeting. Once he was gone, Pene pointed out that they had changed the meeting time to 2pm on a Thursday so that all of the members could make it. Jeff mustn’t have gotten that memo. Also, once Jeff was gone, it was mentioned that he had wanted $200 to get the WSU membership to an organisation called NZAEE. No one was entirely sure what those four, ambiguous letters meant. When Pene got in touch with this mystery organization, he found that the membership was only $50. I’ll leave the rest of you to ponder what Jeff wanted to do with the remaining $150, as he was not there himself to explain. In other news, the gays are getting $1000 to throw a pride week, which seems fair. Sixty of those pink dollars are going on a trophy. A big gay trophy. Man, I love gays. They seriously don’t fuck around when it comes to trophies. Glen said “Gayburgers” and it made me laugh. The Nacho Lunch ran out of nachos in 15 minutes, which is stink, but at least it gave us all a free lunch and gave big ups to the adult learners around this campus. Dave Snell was in charge of running this event and did a great job according to those directors who managed to stay in the room. The final item of general business was a bit of a bombshell. It seems Jeff failed to attend the national conference, despite saying he would right up until the last minute. I grabbed my pen, but was quickly moved out of the room when the Executive decided to discuss the matter in committee. So, as I ran off to steal the Union’s coffee for the orphans I decided to remember to keep an eye on this development. Good night and Godspeed.

Hello and welcome to the WSU Warrant of Fitness, where Nexus rates the performance of your elected student representatives in an enjoyably biased and non-scientiﬁc manner. For the WSU WOF 2009, we went back over our archives to check out what the WSU Directors got up to this year. We also sent out a small questionnaire so the Directors could have a say for themselves. How the ratings work We opted to rate the Directors of the WSU on the following seven (entirely non-scientiﬁc) factors: Work Ethic – how hard the Director worked for you Initiatives Spearheaded – how much they actually got done

Boardroom Effectiveness/Etiquette – how good they are in the boardroom. And, possibly, the bedroom. Teamwork – how decent they are to work with Fashion Sense – how easy their clothing choices rest on Nexus’ critical eye Oratory – how well they speak Proﬁle – how the student public has perceived them/how much they’ve been noticed We’ll add these up and then, ignoring the result, present you with an arbitrary number meant to represent how well they did overall.

Ben/Pene Delaney: WSU President Nexus Says: Pene has been a busy beaver this year. The pint-size Pres has enlisted on innumerable committees and boards in the name of student representation. How has this turned out? Well, it’s certainly helped the WSU become more of a force to be reckoned with the people that matter – the University administration. But it hasn’t helped his proﬁle amongst students any, which remains low. Pene also went for Co-President of the New Zealand Union of Student Associations (NZUSA) this year, which he missed out on by only two votes. It’s a shame, as he could have done a very good job. Pene will be remembered as a Pragmatic President, and for his hobbit-like statue. If he runs for Pres again, we would welcome him. Good job, Pene.

Rating Work Ethic 9/10 Initiatives: 8.5/10 Boardroom Effectiveness/ Etiquette: 6/10 Teamwork: 7/10 Fashion Sense: 2/10 Oratory: 6/10

Pene Says: I Increased student participation on campus (Research committee, Academic Programs Committee, Sporting Committee), negotiated advertising deal for Nexus having the uni fund its own mag for a change, assisted in the staff restructure of WSU – increased clubs/advocacy, active member of NZUSA, on employment committee of SJS. Took upon myself to provide funding to save the law ball. Advocated for increased tutorials in B semester for management due to increased numbers.

Proﬁle: 6/10 Overall (not an average)

8.5/10

Glen Delamere: Vice President Nexus Says: The VP is known more of a man of actions than words. He’s also got a temper on him, which isn’t always an asset. However, he mostly keeps things reigned in nicely, works to the book, and gets things done. Full marks for enthusiasm. He’s also gone out on a limb to make sure Tauranga students get a say in how things are run. He (mostly) got the WSU Directors to get their blurbs in on time. For this we are grateful.

Work Ethic: 8/10 Initiatives: 8.5/10 Boardroom Effectiveness/ Etiquette: 5/10 Teamwork: 6/10

Glen Sez: I have provided the students with a Vice President who has been enthusiastic and passionate about making certain that the good work done by previous Boards has continued. I have participated by engaging with various students to ensure that we as a Board are making decisions that are in the best interest of all of our members. This has included ensuring that our Tauranga Campus has a voice by visiting a minimum of once a month and communicating with our fellow students studying there.

Fashion Sense: 7/10 Oratory: 7/10 Profile: 7/10 Overall (not an average)

8/10

Whetu Taukamo: Vice-President Maori Nexus Says: Whetu did his job with aplomb and panache this year, whatever those are. He’s a bit of a quiet man behind the scenes, but he gets things done and sits on a gabzillion committees as well. He’s a dab hand on the guitar, and loves to sing. Often seen in the offices, at his computer, doing stuff. Good reliable bloke all round.

Work Ethic: 7/10 Initiatives: 7/10 Boardroom Effectiveness/ Etiquette: 7/10

Whetu Says: As an elected official of the WSU in my opinion my greatest role is ensure that the student voice is heard at the decision making tables (committees) of this University; in short – to act as an effective advocate for every student on this campus. My second role is to run services and events to enhance students’ life while they are engaged in this learning environment. I also have a special role to speak for the Treaty of Waitangi on the WSU board. I have also organised and facilitated targeted events for Māori and International students.

Teamwork: 7/10 Fashion Sense: 7/10 Oratory: 7/10 Profile: 8/10 Overall (not an average)

8/10

Kate Magazinovic: Portfolios: ? Nexus Says: Kate is unquestionably the best-named Director on the board. Work-wise, she’s only just arrived, selected by the, ahem, select committee that replaced Directors AJ and Rachel. So we’re not sure yet how capable she is. However, early signs are good.

Work Ethic: ?/10 Initiatives: ?/10 Boardroom Effectiveness/ Etiquette: 8/10

Kate Says: I’ve been to all the board meetings to rant about important things that you guys might not be aware of (if you live with your head in a toilet or something), like Uni restructuring, the VSM Bill, and numerous other exciting things. I’ve also been at almost all the WSU events so far this semester, and enjoyed every minute of it! And to the guys dressed as tampons on the night of the Pub Crawl - respect. Lately, besides handing out free food on the green every Wednesday, I’ve been working with our events team to pull off a sweet sweet end of year shindig, which will involve huge amounts of fun, body paint, dragons and goldfish!

Teamwork: ?/10 Fashion Sense: 8/10 Oratory: ?/10 Profile: ?/10 Overall (not an average)

?/10

Anya Varejchina: Portfolio: Womens Nexus Says: This year, Anya put on a play! The Vagina Monologues, to be precise. It was, by all accounts, a success, raising a deal of money for good causes. What else has she done? We have no idea, apart from one irritating “women are superior to men”-esque blurb in her section of the WSU page one time. We’re not sure that putting on a play is enough to justify her position on the WSU Board, as she is rarely to be seen mucking in with other’s events. If she plans to run again, she’d better bring some ideas to the table, and a willingness to actually act on them.

Work Ethic: 6/10 Initiatives: 2/10 Boardroom Effectiveness/ Etiquette: 6/10 Teamwork: 6/10 Fashion Sense: 9/10

Anya says: Being the women officer, I decided to focus this year on inspiring and empowering women. I did so through staging of The Vagina Monologues. The show was sold out all three nights and got a lot of press coverage locally. I think putting on The Vagina Monologues has achieved a lot of goals: we fundraised $4,000.00 for Hamilton Rape and Sexual Abuse Healing Centre over three days. $400 of that money went to Power to Women and Girls of Democratic Republic of Congo. Female students who came to see the show were grateful and inspired. Hopefully, this year I have started a good tradition of putting on a play about women, for women, by women.

Oratory: 5/10 Profile: 4/10 Overall (not an average)

6/10

David Snell: Portfolio: Disabilities, Mature Students Nexus Says: Dave Snell, new to the Board this year, has thrown himself into his portfolios with gusto. He shows every sign of working hard and enjoying it. He’s one of the highest-proﬁle directors, omnipresent at everything the WSU does, and getting amongst it. In this he runs second only to the late, lamented AJ. Dave’s brought a lot to the board for a n00b, and will be well remembered for his politeness, decency, and hard work as much as his Satan beard and somewhat Boganish ways.

Work Ethic: 9.5/10 Initiatives: 7/10 Boardroom Effectiveness/ Etiquette: 9/10 Teamwork: 10/10 Fashion Sense: 0/10*

Dave Says: When I campaigned for WSU I said I wasn’t smart enough to have my own ideas but I was willing to muck in and help out with others who did. I feel I have done that reasonably well with helping others with events. I have also worked a lot behind the scenes with committees and submissions to the Vice Chancellor and various other higher ups.

Oratory: 8/10 Proﬁle: 9/10 Overall (not an average)

9/10

*If you are a Bogan, feel free to insert a “1” in front of that zero.

Denis (Deni) Tokunai: Portfolios: Affiliated Clubs and PI Students Students Nexus Says: Deni has managed to do a lot without necessarily getting much done, if you get what we mean. He’s everywhere, he’s a hard worker, he’s often in the office working on various WSU projects, but the oblique nature of his profiles mean he’s not so well known outside of his Clubs and Pacific Islands oeuvre. We know he’s done a lot, because other people tell us he has, but we don’t see much of him ourselves. We must rectify that. Deni, feel free to drop in sometime for tea and cakes. A rumour has it he may run for 2010 WSU President. In this we wish him luck, and hope he’s capable of great things.

Work Ethic: 8/10 Initiatives: 6/10 Boardroom Effectiveness/ Etiquette: 7/10 Teamwork: 8/10 Fashion Sense: 9/10 Oratory: 8/10 Proﬁle: 7/10

Deni Says: Deni didn’t reply to our questionnaire. For shame, Deni!

Overall (not an average)

8/10

Jeff Hawkes: Portfolios: GLBT, Environmental Nexus Says: Jeff is the unsung hero of the WSU Board, keeping them honest and generally just working his arse off for students. Well, that’s what he seems to think. It could be true. Unfortunately, other people have different ideas. Like, that Jeff essentially spends his time bitching, moaning and being a pedantic pain in the arse about minutiae in the Minutes of WSU meetings. All of these things have been mentioned to Nexus by many different persons on the Board, and rather worse besides. For our part, we think that despite being a vociferous supporter of Contact FM, he’s done little besides make lots of usually placid people very, very angry with him. We think Jeff has outlived his usefulness in student politics, and should retire graciously this year rather than request students to vote for him once more.

Work Ethic: 4/10 Initiatives: 3/10 Boardroom Effectiveness/ Etiquette: 1/10 Teamwork: 2/10 Fashion Sense: 1/10 Oratory: 2/10 Proﬁle: 3/10 Overall (not an average)

Jeff Says: My election resulted after having been the 9th highest polling candidate for 8 positions. Justiﬁcation? Many fellow students have refferred to me as being a moral compass without which WSU could slip up. Such as bringing to attention deceiptful conduct at management level surrounding correspondance in from a government department that was swept under the carpet and kept from the board of directors. Being the only one of six present at the Vice Chancellors presentation to ask how restructuring will beneﬁt students. Assisting with feedback to UoW surrounding how students interact with IT services at interface level. Assisting with student perspective on ISP restructuring and working with Kate (awesome work Kate) to get Halls feedback. Being the central negative, with a preparedness to question/research presentations rather than take for granted what is trying to be sold.

3/10

Jo Bisset: Portfolios: ? Work Ethic: 6/10

Nexus Says: Jo’s back (she was on the Board last year.) She was good last year, being instrumental in organising fashion shows and I Love My Breasts Day. Has experience in WSU matters, so should she run for next year, she’s worth considering. Be nice to see something new from her, though, so new students have some idea of what she’s about and what she’s capable of.

Initiatives: 8/10 Boardroom Effectiveness/ Etiquette: 5/10 Teamwork: 8/10 Fashion Sense: 9/10

Jo Says: Nada. Nothing. Zero. Zip.

Oratory: ?/10 Proﬁle: 7/10 Overall (not an average)

Natalie Good: Portfolios: Sport and Rec Nexus Says: Natalie managed to pull off an impressive event in the Snow Jam/Dodgeball held recently. She did it by the skin of her teeth, but she did it. At Nexus we’re familiar with pulling things off by the skin of our teeth, so we’ll let her off for this one. There’s no doubt Natalie means well, but her effectiveness as a Board member is a bit doubtful. If she wants to stage a return, she needs to learn to work with a team more effectively, and that the “boring” business of the WSU is just as important as putting on events.

8/10

Work Ethic: 6/10 Initiatives: 4/10 Boardroom Effectiveness/ Etiquette: 2/10 Teamwork: 4/10 Fashion Sense: 8/10 Oratory: 0/10

Natalie says: she doesn’t like writing. Apparently.

Proﬁle: 7/10 Overall (not an average)

The Dearly Departed

5/10

AJ AJ left the WSU to concentrate on other things earlier this year. A good thing too, not because he was a bad director, but because other directors were mooching off his hard work and this was burning him out. He was the hardest-working and highest-proﬁle director the WSU has seen in years – possibly ever. He did more to get students engaged - an issue he clearly, passionately cared about – than anyone. He is sadly missed, and if he was still here, we’d give him 10/10 for everything bar his atrocious fashion sense, which would have merited a 1/10. Keep up the Karnage, old sport. You did good, and we remember.

Rachel Wark Rachel didn’t do a hell of a lot. She had a hand in getting Recycling bins on campus (good job) and featured often in the Busted page. She spent most WSU meetings texting, for which we can’t really blame her, but was rather a poor show, what?

Jane Nguyen Jane made Rachel look like a workhorse. She did exactly nothing in her entire career as a Director, and made it to maybe two meetings, where we are assured she did nothing either. She was quietly dismissed in a meeting that she didn’t even bother showing up to. She is not missed, and her sole contribution to the Board is being a wonderful example of what a WSU Director should not do.

The Nexus Flamboyant Gay Old Time Pride Week Spectacular Feature Gay adoption: When will New Zealand come around?

As a gay man, I one day hope to find a loving partner to spend the rest of my life with. We might buy a house, we may even get a dog, and we would like to raise a child, or children – although, currently, this isn’t that simple. Men and women are able to adopt as individuals; though men cannot adopt a female child, regardless of the male’s sexual orientation. The Adoption Act of 1955 does not allow for gay or lesbian couples to adopt as a couple. The exception to this rule is Lesbian couples who conceive a child through insemination with donor sperm, in these cases both women are recognised on the birth certificate (the birth mother under “mother” and her partner under “other parent”). Green co-leader Metiria Turei has argued in the past that the 1955 Act was not representative of the citizens of New Zealand. She believed, and argued, that after the Civil Unions Act passed in 2004, the Adoption Act should be changed to reflect and enable same-sex couples to adopt. Kevin Hague, List MP for the Green Party, has taken over a member’s bill which is in the ballot box in Parliament. Many hoped that the bill would be drawn after the Family Court’s highest ranking Judge, Paul von Dadelszon, said that the Act should be changed to allow same-sex couples the same ability as heterosexual couples to adopt. However, this never happened, and the bill remains in the ballot. New Zealand currently trails many European countries (and even some states of America) when it comes to same sex adoption and individual adoption by queer people. There are many opponents in the fight for same-sex adoption, but there are also many supporters, there has been much research conducted on behalf of both sides and in the end it would seem that the general public’s opinion and that of Parliament will play a major role in a decision which will have a huge impact on many New Zealand families. So in closing, as a gay man, I hope to find a loving partner to spend the rest of my life with, and possibly raise a child, or children. I also hope that before then, New Zealand changes its Laws to support its queer citizens and all types of family of this country. Queer New Zealanders don’t want ‘special rights’ or to be treated better than anyone else, but rather we want, and strive for, equal rights and the same treatment that heterosexual couples enjoy in this country.

Homosexual Panic!!! The provocation defence – is it legalised gay-bashing?

When convicted killer Clayton Weatherston used a partial defense of “provocation” for killing his ex-girlfriend Sophie Elliot, the country was outraged. How dare the man who had killed Sophie Elliot, stabbing her 216 times, go for a reduced sentence claiming he was provoked? What New Zealand doesn’t know is that there have been many cases where the partial defence of provocation has been successfully used to defend people who have attacked and murdered people for alleged homosexual advances, often with no public outcry at all. In the early hours of December 8, 2007, Onehunga resident Ronald Brown, aged 69, lay dying propped against a wall at the bottom of the stairs of his two story unit on Mariri Road. He was found and rushed to hospital, but four days later his life-support machine was turned off, and Mr. Brown died. His killer, a tourist named Ferdinand Ambach, escaped a conviction of murder, which reduced to manslaughter after his defense lawyer successfully convinced the jury that Ambach was provoked into a “monstrous rage” in which he beat Ronald Brown into unconsciousness and shoved a piece of the neck of a banjo down his mouth. From Ambach’s first appearance in court, his defense lawyers suggested that Brown, 69, may have drugged his 30-year old assailant. They also speculated “that homosexual rape, or attempted rape,” had occurred, but this evidence was disputed in court by ESR tests finding no drugs or any injuries to suggest either. Section 169 of the Crimes Act, defines Provocation as being: (1) Culpable homicide that would otherwise be murder may be reduced to manslaughter if the person who caused the death did so under provocation. (2) Anything done or said may be provocation if— (a) In the circumstances of the case it was sufficient to deprive a person having the power of self-control of an ordinary person, but otherwise having the characteristics of the offender, of the power of self-control; and (b) It did in fact deprive the offender of the power of self-control and thereby induced him to commit the act of homicide2 Why is it that the use of this defence in a heterosexual setting caused public outrage, and yet the deaths of others in similar circumstances have not received the same response? If Sophie Elliot had not been murdered

by Clayton Weatherston, would the Government be looking at abolishing the provocation as a defence? Murder is not an acceptable response to perceived “homosexual panic”. A rule that makes it okay to have such strong bigoted views on homosexuality and to act on them with physical violence is not only distressing, but archaic and unwelcome. No law that can be used to target an innocent minority should exist. Regardless of the outcome of the Clayton Weatherston case, the partial defence of provocation should be abolished. People have said that I should be happy that the Clayton Weatherston case happened because, “Hey, they’re getting rid of it - at least you got what you wanted”. In response to that: The death of someone innocent is never wanted The defence shouldn’t have taken this long to be abolished The abolishment shouldn’t have happened because of public outrage The recommendations of the Law Commission in 2007 should have been followed sooner rather than too late. “Mothers, tell your children: be quick, you must be strong. Life is full of wonder, love is never wrong. Remember how they taught you, how much of it was fear. Refuse to hand it down - the legacy stops here”. Melissa Etheridge, “Silent Legacy,” Yes I Am, 1993

Pres Sez: OMG – It’s nearly the end By WSU President Ben Delaney Tena Koutou Katoa

more formal part of the year with a Special General Meeting to create the WSU Trust.

Last week was extremely busy with a number of events on including a speech by

The purpose of the trust is to allow for the WSU asset base to grow creating revenue

the VC, Nacho Lunch and fee setting at the University Council. The result of fee

that will feedback into supporting the operation arm of the WSU. The aim of this

setting was that most undergraduate fees will go up by 1.95%. Post Graduate fees

move is to increase the sustainability of the organization moving forward with a view

will increase by $500 per equivalent full time student. This result is disappointing

to helping to cross-subsidise membership in the future.

as the University chose to take the maximum increase allowable. There will also be

On the upcoming WSU elections: It is so great to see so many people interested

a 40% increase in the Student services levy charged by the University which moves

and putting their hand up to be part of the team next year. It’s an exciting time of

from $100 to $140 per student. Although this increase is exceptionally high, the

year for candidates as the look towards representing a vibrant organisation. The

proposed fee started at $180 however your Student Union was able to argue a case

WSU now has a strong reputation and is constantly being sought for consultation

for reduction and still get a guarantee of service. This $40 saving will on current

and negotiation by senior members of the University institution and members of

numbers save the student population $460.000, given that a decent proportion

the wider community. For those who are interested in standing for a position on

of this would funded out of debt I consider this to be a positive result for students

the board I will be holding a WSU information session this Wednesday 16th 10.00

comparative to the $180 fee. The sudden increase in student services levy is due

-12.00 at the WSU building. The purpose of the exercise is to help candidates

to the University moving costs onto students. It can be seen as a direct result of

understand the role they are going for and what the job entails. So even if you

underfunding by central government leading to increased cost on the individual. As

haven’t made your mind up on running come and see what we are all about.

your President I made mention of the need for the institution to consider its students

What: WSU Candidates info Day

as an investment.

When: 16th September 10-12

The coming weeks see a ﬂurry of activity with every one starting to increase their

Where: WSU

workloads heading towards exams, the ﬁnal stages of the Tri Nations and of course

Host: WSU President

the all important end of semester wind up activities. The WSU is also heading into a

Have a great week. Prez

As part of following its strategic plan the WSU this year

• External appointments would bring a high level of

looks to establish a charitable trust to allow its assets

experience and relevant knowledge to the WSU Trust

membership at the SGM 23rd September 2009

to be fully utilized for creation of value to its members.

• WSU would gift certain ﬁxed assets (residential

Resolution:

What is the situation?

properties) and cash holdings to the WSU Trust.

That the Rules of the Waikato Students’ Union

• The WSU holds some assets in residential properties

• The WSU Trust would hold these assets, make

Incorporated be amended by the addition of clause

and cash. These assets are from a mixture of historical

prudent commercial investments, and make

16.8, stating:

investment and prudent ﬁnancial management.

distributions to WSU as appropriate.

“16.8 Without limiting its powers in this clause, the

• The WSU wishes to ensure these assets are

• The WSU Trust could be wound up by the agreement

Board shall have the power to:

“ring-fenced” in order to ensure that in the event of

of the trustees, and the assets returned to the WSU.

16.8.1 Sell assets as outlined in the annual plan and

future liability (such as from legal proceedings), the

How would WSU beneﬁt?

budget, and approved by

assets are protected for the long term beneﬁt of WSU

• Assets would only be able to be used and applied for

the membership at the Annual General Meeting; and

members (students of the University of Waikato).

the beneﬁt of WSU and its members.

16.8.2 Establish a charitable trust with the same

• The WSU also wants to make the assets grow

• Assets would be utilised to gain a return to its

objects as the Association [and for the sole beneﬁt of

to generate wealth for the collective beneﬁt of its

shareholder the WSU, while the trust would retain

the Association (but not for the private pecuniary gain

membership.

some of the return to support asset growth.

of any member)]; and

What can we do?

• The increased assets and increased return on such

16.8.3 Settle assets on that trust or transfer assets to

• It is proposed that the WSU form a trust – the “WSU

assets could then be used to support WSU operations.

that trust by way of gift;

Trust” – with the same objects as the WSU. This

How do we make this happen?

provided that:

would be a charitable trust, with the WSU as its sole

• To achieve the establishment of the WSU Trust in the

(a) such assets may not be used for any purpose other

beneﬁciary (or a similar body if the WSU ceases to

manner, the WSU board wishes to obtain the approval

than furthering the objects of the Association; and

exist in terms of its rules).

of members.

(b) any such settlement or transfer must be approved

What would WSU Trust look like?

• A Special General Meeting (SGM) has been called for

by the membership at an Annual General Meeting or

• At this stage, it is proposed that there be between

Wednesday 23rd September 2009 to amend the rules

Special General Meeting.

four and eight trustees – half from the WSU board, and

of the WSU as per the following resolution. This will

16.8.4 Be involved with that trust on an ongoing

half independent external appointments. They would

allow for the creation and operation of the Trust.

basis, including without limitation receiving assets or

hold ofﬁce by rotation.

The following resolution shall be put to the

distributions from that trust.”

Spotlight on: The WSU Advocacy Service We’ve been quietly working in the background and thought that it was about time that we let you know exactly what we’ve been up to. Obviously

Date Range

for confidential reasons we can’t tell you any names or personal details but we’d like to share with you some general information about how you’re using our services.

Total number of

Number of

students

Individual Cases*

contacts**

Domestic

International

Tauranga

Jan - March

April – June

July

214

Date Range

WMS

FASS

SMPD

SOE

SOE/MMP

SMSC

LAW

Sci&Eng

PATHWAYS

Jan - Mar

Apr - Jun

July

How we are helping you: The hardship fund is a small allocation of money set aside to assist students who find themselves in a situation that is 1) unexpected, 2) temporary and not of an ongoing nature, 3) may threaten their ability to study. Assistance in the first instance is always in the form of an interest free loan repayable over 50 weeks; however the individual circumstances of each student are always taken into consideration.

Date Range

Grand total (L+G+ FV)

Hardship loan (L)

Hardship grant (G)

Food vouchers (FV)*

Jan - Mar

$2474.66

$1579.66

$735.00

$160.00

Apr – Jun

$6873.86

$2406.54

$1960.65

$2506.67

July

5853.57

2780.82

2642.75

430.00

*Students are not required to repay food vouchers. Nb. $2506.67 has not been used for Apr-Jun, rather it includes the budgeted purchase of food vouchers for the next 6 months. 25

Issue

Comments

Accommodation (bonds, rental arrears, mortgages)

• Most students in this quarter needed assistance with rental arrears. Income levels fluctuate and it does not take much for

Food (vouchers)

• The need for food vouchers continues. We have created an arrangement with Pak n Save that our vouchers are not to be

them to fall behind.

used for tobacco and alcohol. • It would be beneficial to support vouchers with a menu and shopping list as a suggestion of what to buy with the provided vouchers, however this has not yet been implemented.

Bill (Phone, Power)

• Students can fall behind in these areas because they are juggling several bills on limited budgets • Assistance in general is to bring them up to date on arrears.

Budgeting advice

• Many students could benefit from this and several come looking for it. We refer them to a service however this might be better as part of an in-house service offered to students and will be investigated.

Issue

Comments

Student complaints (classes, lecturers, tutors, supervisors)

• In most cases we support the student to deal with the issue themselves; • The advocacy service could benefit from having an arrangement with a mediator for difficult situations. This would have been of assistance in at least four situations year to date.

Grades and appeals

• Plagiarism is the main area of support required in this quarter. • This requires intensive support from the advocacy team. Cases arise with short notice and need a lot of work from both the advocates and the students. This is difficult because students are often emotionally strained. We have good processes in place to make this as easy as possible for both parties involved.

Issue

Comments

Accommodation (includes arrears, bonds, and homelessness)

• A surprising number of students with nowhere to live. Assistance is provided to find temporary shelter and a more permanent housing solution. This issue is not exclusive to the beginning of the year, however numbers are higher at that time. • B-Semester, Most students have established living situations that experience some kind of breakdown either requiring them to move, or leaving them with debt • Students also have arrears because of other unexpected events which cause strain in this area.

Issue

Comments

Studylink and WINZ (includes all forms of financial hardship and general lack of money)

• Delayed payments are often due to late applications or missing information, however these are all easily remedied. • Interactions in B semester are related to allowances and benefits being terminated prematurely, often due to students not having enrolled for B Semester so Studylink think the student’s study period has come to an end. • We often attended Studylink or WINZ meetings with students to support and assist them in negotiating with the agency.

Legal Advice

• Students seek legal advice for a variety of reasons from family court, tenancy, and interactions with HCC. • We are not qualified to give legal advice and advise the students as such. • Referrals are made to the CAB free legal advice service, youth line (free for anyone under 25), Department of Building and Housing tenancy line. We often have these conversations on speaker phone with the student to give support and clarification on anything they will be told.

• The Advocacy Co-ordinator saw 39 students from April to December 2007. -The Advocacy Service saw 125 students from January to December 2008. -2009: we have almost reached this number in 7 months.

• The Advocacy Co-ordinator met with students 228 times throughout 2008. -2009: 367 contacts from Jan - July • Students came to the Advocacy Service mostly for disciplinary/ plagiarism support, academic help, and financial support (for food vouchers primarily).

Help us write the WSU Shoestring Meals” recipe book… so that we can give it to you!

-2009: Remains consistent • Students from Management, Education and FASS use the service more than the other schools on campus. -2009: Remains consistent

Every year the good folk at the WSU set aside a portion of money to purchase food vouchers so that we can give them to you when you find yourself hungry and in hardship. Many of you have been recipients of this and we know how grateful you are to have this small amount of help. We also know it’s sometimes really hard to know what to buy with that small amount of vouchers so we’re asking you to give us your recipes so that we can add them to our WSU ‘Shoestring meals’ recipe book. Our goal is to supply a selection of these recipes and a shopping list as a suggestion of how to use the food vouchers to those who receive them from us.

Hine Anderson’s story

Jayne Sanskey’s story

Kia ora, I encountered a problem with my enrolment due to my own inexperience in listening and reacting to advice. I enlisted the help of the Advocacy Committee who after some initial questions to establish my dilemma, promptly advised me to write a timeline of my predicament. This timeline was then converted into a strongly worded letter of Appeal to the Director of Student and Academic Services who approved the change for my enrolment to full status and enabled me to have my scholarship reinstated. Acting on my behalf, the Advocacy Committee was swift in their help. I was treated with the utmost respect and care. The help that I received enabled me to continue my studies toward the completion of my Masters. I will be forever grateful for their help. Naku noa,

Apprehensively I approached the WSU Advocacy Service in mid 2009. I was completely stuck with a seemingly huge university related problem. Until then, I didn’t realise that the WSU Advocacy Service was a free and useful service available to all students. Shannon from the Advocacy Service solely handled my case, so I didn’t need to repeat my details more than once. She thoughtfully listened thoroughly and non-judgementally. As she was not emotionally involved, she was able to offer a helpful and effective alternative solution from a different perspective. Shannon had regular, convenient and great communication with me by both telephone and email. I got a prompt proposed solution almost immediately, suggested within days. I am so pleased that I am now aware of the Advocacy Service, and would not hesitate to contact them again in the future should the need arise. I would highly recommend this valuable service to all students.

Zeb Davies’s story

Allie and Amber

Being able to access the WSU’s advocacy service last year really saved my sanity; I had been involved in an employment related dispute. I’d started what I thought was a great job, but discovered the company was unstable and not at all financially secure, I quickly left. The employer refused to pay me for the period that I had worked for him, and other than putting pressure on him to settle the debt, the job broker was unable to bring about resolution. Eventually he claimed I had just been working for the experience, a blatant lie because I was more than qualified for the job. I asked for help from the Advocacy Service and I will never forget how fantastic Shannon was; she methodically documented the history and then double checked back with me before proceeding to network with the relevant government agencies like Employment Relations Authority and the employer, who had quite a track record of negative employment outcomes. Shannon persisted calmly and methodically for some months, every communication about me was relayed to me by the service; I was always in the picture, and I was always represented honestly and efficiently. I was welcome to drop by the WSU at any time for support, and I often did, getting heaps of hugs, coffees and support. A week before court action was due, finally appreciating Shannon’s tenacity, the employer surrendered and paid up. I’ve seen the (advocacy) service help lots of other students too and I think it’s really vital – students here can get mediation, support and intervention quickly when they need it. Let’s face it, we’ve got enough to deal with just studying.

Hey everyone! We’d just like to say a huge thankyou to the WSU Advocates Shannon and Moira for helping us out, because without you we wouldn’t have power, a roof over our heads or have been more able to have a relaxed semester at uni. When we came to Uni, we didn’t know there were people who were willing to help us out with our problems, let alone our rental problems. The advocacy girls know how to deal with everything from plagiarism, to things outside of university, like dealing with dodgy rental companies. Advocacy services can help guide you so that you know your rights as a student. No problem is too small or too big for these ninja warriors! Haha. We

urge everyone to go see them because we know how hard it is to try find someone who understands and wants to help. They’re not counsellors, but they are there to help you out to find solutions to your problems. Cheers, Allie and Amber. xxx Helpful Tip: With help from the WSU Advocates, we have learnt you should always research your rental company before you rent with them, because it makes a huge difference.:)

The Nexus Noticeboard Send notices to notices@nexusmag.co.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. Placing notices is free for students. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Notices cannot be any more than 75 words unless you ask us specifically and we say yes. They will roll over every two weeks, unless specified – so please, tell us how long you want us to run your notice for. We will not accept handwritten or otherwise non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta.

Flats and Mates Flatmates Wanted!!! Ø Spacious house in suburban Rototuna! Ø Well looked after, pristine condition inside and out! Ø 1 min walk from the Rototuna shopping centre! Ø 3 bedrooms! Ø Looking for non-smoking, preferably male, mature and tidy flatmates! Ø Rent negotiable! Ø Come and have a look yourself! Please contact me on 0211526432 Flatmate Wanted: 1 room available to share with four others. Close to uni with shops near by in Sliverdale. $93 including expenses with broadband internet and phone. Call 0273633541 or email as167@waikato. ac.nz Wickedest Flatmate Wanted: Room avaliable from now! House is located on Old Farm Rd 10mins walk from uni and shops, bus stop right outside driveway, safe off street parking. The room is $115pw(covers phone, power, rent and internet). 3 existing clean and tidy flatmates!! If interested please contact Megan on 0277832825 or 8566309 House available for rent: Tidy Four bedroom 5 year old townhouse on Old Farm Road. 10 minutes walk from uni, has good insulation and heat pump with broadband presently hooked up. Has four off street car parks and a private court yard for entertaining in summer. Lawns included in rent and the landlord and neighbor’s are all good. Available now. Text or ring 078568343 or 0273304008:) FLATMATE WANTED:

Alsum house that has huge lounge and kitchen plus deck on a large section with double garage and lots of off street parking in Hamilton East. $150 per week for everything - Rent, power, food, wireless and phone! Nice single room available! Existing flatmates are one female and three males that are friendly and outgoing! If your interested txt Alex on 0276986353 or call on 07 8565415 :)

FREE SERVICE: Call me for anytime pleasure. Men/women okay. Discretion good. No time wasters. 0210 2211 427. I suck like a champ. Ask for Pal.

Random

** WSU NOMINATIONS ARE OPEN ** Do you have a passion for people? Do you want to make a difference on campus for you and Students? Then become a Director of the Waikato Students’ Union and help make the student experience here at Waikato University a memorable one! Nominations close this Friday 18th September

Girl who appreciates fire in more ways than one (hint: I’m good in bed, and I can eat fire) wanted for sexy play. You will be over 5 feet tall, possess boobs, and be handy in the sack. Ability to speak fluent Russian a bonus. Jehovah’s Witnesses need not apply, and yes I’m still fucking bitter Kaitlin. I am over 6 feet tall, sexy as, and enjoy long walks along Victoria Street, computer modding, photography, writening, spontaneous adventure and sexy good smooch times. Don’t be afraid to call me, particularly if it’s late at night – that’s when I’m at my best. 021 356 241 Garage Sale!!!!! Fundraiser for RailFreight Cavaliers Under 12 Marching Team Where: Riverlea panel and Paint Ltd, 79 Riverlea Road, Hamilton When: Saturday 19th September 2009 Time: 7.30am All proceeds will go to this Marching Team, to enable them to compete in their local and National Competitions this season. If you have any goods you would like to donate to support this team they can be dropped off at Riverlea Panel and Paint on Friday 18 September from 4pm-6pm. Anything accepted and appreciated. If you have any further enquiries give Bry or Karyne a call on 07 855 8557z 027 547 2152 or 021 190 5720.

Vegan(/Vegetarian) Party. For World Vegetarian Day. @ Gaura, Saturday 19th, 6PM onwards. Everyone welcome. Gold coin entry.

WSU Notices

ANNUAL PLAN AND BUDGET FOR 2010 2009 was a period of growth for the organisation with new structures being trialled, tested and evaluated. The organisation is now well placed to ensure that 2010 is a period of growth, delivering maximum benefits to its members. The annual planning cycle including setting the budget and levy are a part of securing the organisations future. Currently your board is hard a work writing the Annual report 2008/2009 and Annual Plan 2010, to be tabled at the WSU Annual General Meeting. This is an important meeting where the official business of the WSU takes place. This year we look to also hold an SGM just before the AGM to create the WSU Trust. We urge you to come to these events. • What: WSU SGM &AGM • When: 23rd September 2009 • Who: Your and all your enrolled friend • Kai: Pizza etc • Prizes: Mystery 29

BOGANOLOGY 101

Kirill Investigates

Heavy Metal Killed My Face

I woke up one day to find the editor of Nexus in my bed. This wasn’t in a attempt to sleep my way to the top sort of thing. Nor was it two men trying to come to grips with today’s binary sexuality system sort of thing. NO. “I want you to do something for me.” He wanted me to do something. I began to hope that I was still right about the sexuality thing. “I want you to go investigate the South Island.” I think he wanted me to

BY BURTON C BOGAN

I’ve been wanting to find distractions from my thesis lately. It’s getting so stressful I’ve been staring at inanimate objects. I am the procrastination king. I have this T-shirt with Heavy Metal Killed My Face written on the back; it’s my favourite of my collection. Ironically the first time I wore it at a gig in Palladium I busted my nose on the back of someone’s head moshing. It got me thinking about how listening to one sort of music has physically changed the way my body is and how I perceive my physical self. For those familiar with Foucault, he says (in a roundabout way) that the body can become an inscribed surface of past events and imprinted as a form of visual history to be communicated to others. Now think of

“These things express who we are to others too – in lectures when I explain that I’m a Bogan everyone usually chuckles because it’s pretty damn obvious” Heavy Metal and the imagery associated with it and how it is expressed on the body. We grow facial hair, various hair styles like a Mohawk, shaved head or long hair, we get tattoos. I have scars that make my stomach look like a bit of a road map and they also tell some of the history of who I am and as a Bogan – Boganettes dig scars so what might have made me self conscious is actually a bonus. All of a sudden being the ugliest kid in your neighbourhood is something to be proud of. All this means that our bodies tell the story of who we are, and my scars have stories to them. I remember the day I got my first Mohawk (although I don’t have it anymore), and I definitely remember how exciting it was to get my tattoos. These things express who we are to others too – in lectures when I explain that I’m a Bogan everyone usually chuckles because it’s pretty damn obvious. But I look back at some of my kid photos (which were embarrassingly shown on the 20/20 programme) compared to now and you can see the big change...although at the same time you can see the makings of a little Bogan...I only just realised the other day that one of the photos of me dressed as a punk when I was eight years old is actually me dressing up as my hero Vivian from the Young Ones. I think Psychology can sometimes be a little guilty of restricting identity to something trapped within the mind, and this is why music can be individualised to lyrical interpretations. But music and identity is more than what is in our minds, it can be on our bodies too and perhaps this is why it’s expressed through physical movement like moshing. I know it transforms me from a quiet unassuming Bogan to Kermit the Frog flailing in the mosh. More often than not we are on the outside what we are on the inside. Sometimes looking weird is actually an advantage... Heavy Metal – helping skinny guys like me meet women since the 80s. 30

By Kirill

investigate the South Island. I didn’t think that I could get him out of my bed without agreeing, a matter made all the more urgent by his total lack of pants, so I nodded (just enough to convey the message but not put his exposed pubis within my eye line). So, with that savory sight in mind... Let’s Investigate! The South Island is said to be New Zealand’s tailbone. It is tucked away in a place where you don’t normally see it, or even think of it. But just like the tailbone, I am told that life would be more difficult if the South Island was broken… or badly bruised. Admittedly, from the plane window (which I had to look through since the 56 year old hungover woman next to me was vomiting), the South Island did look like a tailbone, albeit a long, mossy and jagged one. I landed in Christchurch, only to discover that the rental car I wanted was no longer available and Christchurch airport has something resembling the New Zealand internet in 1999, slow and costly, and every keyboard has that strange plastic dust protector on it. Eventually I sorted out some form of four wheel transport which would also serve as my bed and began my journey. Here are a few things I found: The road South of Christchurch has roughly 3 corners (equalling about 15 degrees total trajectory change) for about 250 kilometres. This is terribly hypnotizing, which is made worse by the fact that a Roadtrip Rentals car does not brake or turn as fast your own car…although my lungs were just as able to scream into the face of oncoming traffic in the South Island. If you stop in a town which consists of about seven churches, a flour mill and a set of public toilets, expect the local children to ask you what a Radiohead is and why it is written on your shirt… and ask if they can have your sunglasses. Despite all warnings to the contrary, you can do the 17 kilometre Copland track into the Southern Alps at night. River crossings are made all the more adventurous under moonlight, when you are alone. Safety precautions are for girly men. Also, #1 Shoe Warehouse knockoff Chuck Tailors make fantastic hiking shoes. Haast has no purpose beyond being another area with no reception, expensive coffee and a supermarket full of Mills & Boon Novels. I bought several, to read on the plane. Queenstown has a bar which sells cocktails in teapots. You don’t get meningitis from drinking out of the spout. But apparently you do from the thermal pools at end of Copland Track.

THE FEMININE FILES

AGONY ART

So here at Feminine Files, we like lesbians. They are lovely and sweet and include the Topp Twins in their numbers. The Topp Twins get a thumbs up from us. Mavis’s aunty is a lesbian. When Mavis was growing up, she thought everyone had aunties that lived

Dear Agony Art Where have all the good men gone? Cornwallis McWilliamstein

together and held hands.

a good Saturday night and you lost your virginity at 27 to a passed out homeless person. I’m not even sure you’re a lady, but surely no selfrespecting gay chap would keep the name Cornwallis. It’s not becoming of a homosexual to have a bad name. They should be called Rocky or Gian or Russell Crowe. Those are good, solid homosexual names.

With Mavis, Gertrude, and special guest, Dolores!

Lesbians are in. They are the new cool thing. Everyone wants to be one, as long as a guy is watching and enjoying it. See Outback whores for proof of this. Just put Katy Perry in the stereo and witness the pash. But this is not a good thing. It implies that all lesbians are secretly doing their thing just get guys keen on them, which is not the case. Boo to you! It’s fine if you’re playing Spin the Bottle or something – but the rule is that if girls have to kiss each other, so do guys. Girls, think of a better way to attract men. Like, with your class and personality maybe? The girl-on-girl thing is so 2008. Stop manipulating men’s basic fantasies. You’re giving genuine lesbians a bad name and implying that their sexuality is this flighty thing that will disappear with the first jock with a penis and an alcoholic beverage. And if you claim you’re bisexual? That just means you’re not picky or decisive. Real bisexuals don’t use it as a pick up line, they keep it on the down low. ANYWAY, it’s springtime. Time to break out the cute little dresses, big sunglasses… and trowels. Yes, gardening has replaced lipstick lesbianism as the new in thing. Plant some herbs in your garden (or in pots if space isn’t available). Try mint (for summer cocktails), oregano (for nummy cooking), and parsley (for garnishing). If you’re a bit unsure, ask at a garden centre. If you like flowers, try those. If you’re a real smarty pants with room to spare and a nice landlord, plant veges! Or even fruit vines! Passionfruit is a delicious one. Try www.garden-nz.co.nz for tips and tricks. Soon everyone will want to come over for fresh mojitos in summer! You will be popular again! And finally, a word from our sponsors (actually our friend Dolores): Gardening is bad for you. It ruins your nails. Well, that wasn’t helpful at all. Ignore her. Excellent.

by Art

Dear Cornwallis All the good men haven’t gone anywhere. They may just be avoiding you and your horribly ambiguous name. Something about your name makes me think that eating corned beef straight out of the can is your idea of

Anyways, Cornwallis, I suppose I should answer your question. The fact is, as we all get older, the good men tend to find good women and plug them for the next twenty years at the least. We (the good men) are tired of the hunt and we’ve had our fair share of broken hearts, shattered dreams and STIs. We want security, believe it or not, and running from vadge to vadge just isn’t cutting it for us older men. That’s right, I’m saying that we older chaps are the good men. All these young jokers want to do is run around getting their fuck on, sometimes not even washing their balls after one girl before lowering them into your mouth. I and my peers have been there, we’ve done all that, we have enough material for twenty years worth of Agony Art and Guerilla Monkey and the rest. In short, all the good men have grown up, found girls with much more attractive names and settled down. And we’re happy for it too. We spend that cash we used to spend on the two Cruiser it used to take us to get laid on high quality bourbon and whiskey and we sit on our porches and we have a good time. We watch all the youths run from one party to another from our seats and we don’t miss it for all the world. We have found what you’re all hoping to find and we don’t need to look anymore. Good luck to all of you in your search, especially to the girls, who inevitably come off worst in Great Game of first year romance. Just remember, if your name is Cornwallis, stay the fuck home. We don’t want to meet you and your corned-beef smelling, homeless-man-leaking poon. Love Agony Art

And remember – sit up straight! Posture is sexier than kissing girls for attention. Send your Agonising questions to agonyart@nexusmag.co.nz!

VITAMIN C “Some people, understandably outraged, have however claimed that publishing jokes about child abuse somehow implies that Nexus supports child abuse, by making light of it. I don’t want to see that claim go uncontested”

vitaminC by vitaminC

Child Abuse in Nexus. If you were scanning the magazine for that, I hope I caught your attention. If you even bothered scanning the vitaminC column, thanks for the vote of confidence. This column won’t contain any, but I was spurred on by some reader reaction we received over the break and I’d like to put my two cents in. The puzzle-page before the break had a few reader-submitted jokes in it, and for reasons that don’t need to be listed here (largely because it is irrelevant to the matter) some jokes that fall in to the broader category of ‘bad taste’ managed to slip through the cracks both in the composition of the puzzle page and the final editorial review. Firstly, let it be known that if that page had the chance to be subjected to the regular vetting process, those jokes wouldn’t have made it to publication. There’s no defense to be made for their inclusion in a magazine intended for public consumption. An apology is certainly due to those who were offended (sorry!). Some people, understandably outraged, have however claimed that publishing jokes about child abuse somehow implies that Nexus supports child abuse, by making light of it. I don’t want to see that claim go uncontested. Firstly, the fact that it is a joke should suggest that every word, idea or concept exists solely to frame the funny part. This is usually loosely defined as an unexpected truth – in a simple Question/Answer joke, the answer satisfies the conditions in the question in a way that the listener doesn’t anticipate. The appeal of bad taste humour is that it involves things that we don’t think or talk about in our everyday lives because, well, it’s just in bad taste. When our brain is suddenly assailed by a completely unexpected idea from left-field, we usually respond with mirth. Obviously when it comes to bad taste, personal context applies to this. 32

Nexus has been invited by ParentLine to visit their offices to learn about the realities of the horror of child abuse. I’ll try to follow this up on principle, but what the fuck? People don’t make bad taste jokes out of lack of awareness. It’s common to hear advocates for various issues fighting for awareness about discrimination or what-have-you. Awareness is not the problem that you are trying to fight, and it is also unrelated to this particular case. Society is well aware of street-crime but it hasn’t stopped, to make a barely-valid analogy. Bad taste has been around for a very long time. Many respected artists have engaged in it through history. As mentioned before, subjects of bad taste don’t really appear in our everyday lives, except on the news. Commenting on events like murders, rapes and disabilities in a frank and lighthearted manner is in polite society seen as disrespectful to the victims involved. Observations that, while unfortunately true, are not particularly compassionate towards those experiencing grief or trauma is bad taste, and is usually the domain of some comedians. If you’ve read the book Watchmen, there is a character called The Comedian who is far from comedic. He uses his actions to illustrate the truths of the world that can’t be talked about. In real life, we have people like Bill Hicks, who by necessity offend a wide cross-section of people. Personally, if you’re interested, the peak of bad taste to me is joking about chopping up prostitutes, and I’ll casually drop awful jokes into everyday conversation. To me there is something fundamentally wrong with a world where it is somehow a run-of-the-mill headline that a woman who sells sex for money both exists and has been murdered and dumped in a river. Joking about it is the only way to bring it up, and maybe someone might stop and think about it. Mostly though, it’s just convinced friends and co-workers that I’m the Hamilton Rapist.

PHAT CONTROLLER

Left 4 Dead Review PC and Xbox 360 By Cryo*

Normally, I don’t play Valve games; the Steam system irks me, but that’s a story for another time. Recently though, I was able to experience my ﬁrst Left 4 Dead 4 vs. 4 campaign and boy did I have fun! Now, Left 4 Dead is game that, when played feels like you’re staring in your own movie. Trippy,

together in hopes to meet up with the military; to do so however, they must ﬁght their way through hordes of ‘infected’ zombies and survive long enough to reach rescue. Additionally, survivors stop at designated ‘safe rooms’ along their journey which usually contain much needed med-

I know. Fun, absolutely. Left 4 Dead takes the basic zombie apocalypse theme that made movies like 28 Days Later and Dawn of the Dead so popular and weaves it into a story with you as the main character. Ironically, there are four main Human characters. The 4 ‘survivors’ comprise of: Zoey a female ﬁlm student – the one with the most annoying screams, Bill the old man – who happens to be a Vietnam veteran and the most likely to sneak a peek at Zoey, Francis the stereotypical biker-gang man – the one most likely to rape Zoey, and lastly Louis the IT systems analyst – the token black guy of the group. The survivors must band

packs, upgradable weapons, and furthermore indicate the end of a level. As long as one of the ‘survivors’ make it to the safe room alive the game will continue. Left 4 Dead is unique as a co-op game because it relies heavily on real team play, with a much different dynamic than Halo or a Counter Strike. In L4D you are obligated to protect your weaker teammates and help up your wounded comrades, since a death in your party results in a very crippled team which can quickly lead to the death of the whole party and the end of a game – a tactic that is predominately used when playing multiplayer. As you should have guessed, multiplayer is where the fun really starts and it’s safe to say that the most popular mode is the versus campaign. Versus has an added extra layer of fun (and relief) as the game allows both teams to take turns being survivors and infected. The four playable special infected have their own unique properties plus a special trait along with a normal melee attack , intended to break up the survivor team in hopes of ultimately killing them off. The Boomer, for example, is a fat lard of a character with little health and slow moment; his special vomit attack alerts the zombie horde to his victims, and any hit human survivor is temporarily blinded while a horde of zombies are attracted to the player like fat kids are to McDonalds. The special infected characters really set L4D apart from normal FPS games and make it so damn addictive. Notably worth mentioning is the sound composition on the game; since the game attempts to create a cinematic feeling, sound placement is a vital point. Each special character has distinct sounds associated with them; the Smoker, for example, lets out a constant choking and coughing sound wherever he goes and the Hunter produces a growling sound whenever he gets ready to pounce. After a while of playing, the player grows accustomed to the various sound cues and they do come in quite handy when battling the infected. Intuitive sound cues and the creative visual effects work well in creating that cinematic feeling. Overall, Left 4 Dead is an awesomely addictive game that promotes teamwork and tactics; it also gives insight into how different players react under stress. Playing against four human special infected can get quite stressful at times, so it’s great that each team gets to play both sides. The infected are incredibly fun to play – wiping out the other team with a single Tank is just so full of win, every time. Until recently, this was a game that I had heard of but never played, and even if you’re not in the same boat Left 4 Dead is a deﬁnite must-play multiplayer game.

THE STATION BAR

Opposite Gate 5, Hillcrest Road , Hamilton

GREAT RACE SINGLES PARTY Friday Sep 25th 8pm until late Brought to you by Vodka Cruiser Special drink deals in association with Independent Liquor

DJ Nick from the UK pumping all night Free Energy drink at the door in association with Coca-Cola Tickets $10 - nibbles provided Ph 8569309 Mobile 0274366455 email: info@station.co.nz website: www.station.co.nz

The Best Albums of 2003 1. The Mars Volta – Deloused in the Comatorium Two of the guys from At The Drive-in want to sound more like Pink Floyd. The results are thrilling. A modern classic. 2. The White Stripes – Elephant Jack and Meg deliver their magnum opus, featuring a Burt Bacharach cover and Seven Nation Army – arguably the best single of the year, if it wasn’t for another song further down.. 3. The New Pornographers – Electric Version Unashamedly upbeat power-pop from the Canadian indie supergroup. A career high point. 4. Outkast – Speakerboxx/The Love Below Highly enjoyable and creative hip-hop/R&B double album, featuring the single of the year Hey Ya! (go on … admit that you like it… how could you not like it??) 5. The Shins – Chutes Too Narrow No second album syndrome here…

The Best Albums of 2004 1. Arcade Fire – Funeral Stunning debut from the 7-piece Canadian indie band. It may have a rather morbid title, but the music itself could not be anymore uplifting. 2. Franz Ferdinand – Franz Ferdinand Another great debut for 2004. It is simply just great pop rock music! 3. Brian Wilson – Smile Fantastic baroque pop from the former Beach Boy. Once again proves he is the master of that genre. 4. Iron & Wine – Our Endless Numbered Days Goodbye lo-ﬁ 4 tracks, hello recording studio. The sound quality is much better, and his songs haven’t lost any of their magic! Bonus. 5. Interpol – Antics The New York 4-piece create an album even better

just more great indie-pop! 6. Radiohead – Hail to the Thief Radiohead return to a rockier sound, with the added weirdness of Kid A. Very good, but not great. 7. Mogwai – Happy Songs for Happy People The album title is not as ironic as it suggests. A bit more toned down than previous releases, it is arguably one of the best albums from the Scottish post-rockers. 8. Opeth - Damnation Transitional album into 70’s prog rock territory ends up being one of Opeth’s best albums! 9. The Strokes – Room on Fire Not quite as good as their debut album, but it does feature some of their best singles: The End Has No End and Reptilia. 10. Biffy Clyro – The Vertigo of Bliss Bizarre and quirky rock from the Scottish trio. It is rumoured that the band recorded the album in 2 days so they could spend the rest of their studio time playing Playstation.

than their debut. A career highpoint for the band.. so far anyway.. 6. Mastodon – Leviathan Progressive metal has never sounded better than Leviathan.. that is, before they went on to release Blood Mountain and Crack the Skye. 7. Kayne West – The College Dropout Great music, pity about the ego… 8. Green Day – American Idiot Once you get past the hyper-saturation the singles received, it’s actually a really fun album to listen to. Easily their best album. 9. Wilco – A Ghost is Born The 6-piece from Chicago decide to get weirder. Good, but not as easy to get into as some of their previous releases. 10. The Black Keys – Rubber Factory Some mighty ﬁne indie-blues-rock (whatever you want to call it) from the Ohioan duo. Their best album so far. We’ll resume regular music news programming next week, folks!

Imogen Heap – Ellipse Reviewed by Nick Johnston

The very talented Ms Heap is back with more fantastically quirky and beautiful pop music on her new album Ellipse! It is loosely categorised as ‘electronica’, although this isn’t your average collection of club hits, it really is a category of its own. ‘Art-pop’ would be a better description, as it is not really that different from the song-writing Kate Bush was doing twenty years earlier. Imogen recorded all of the instruments/ vocals as well as self producing and mixing the entire album, no easy task! It certainly explains the four year gap between albums, considering how densely layered her songs are, but the self-production gives the songs their distinctive style. It was well worth the wait! First Train Home is the ﬁrst song and single from the album. For some reason it took me a little while to get into this song, but after a couple of listens I was loving it. If you haven’t heard any of her music before, this is a great place to start. Gloriously uplifting, yet melancholic. A lot of the album features her singing a-capella, such as the song Earth, where she even makes the drum sounds with her voice. This is a great, very strange song! Like many of her songs, it features her very literal lyrical style, usually just direct dialogue from a conversation. The album takes a darker turn in the second half with songs like 2-1 and the cold sounding second single Canvas. Youtube this song for the

fantastic beautifully shot arctic music video. The best song on the album also features later on, the quirky track called Aha! Stripping back the vocals, this surreal song would make a perfect soundtrack for a Tim Burton film. Overall, the album is not quite as accessible as her earlier album Speak for Yourself. It has a different feel, which I think can largely be put down to her change in production style. Ellipse is a lot more subtle than Speak for Yourself, definitely an album to listen to properly on a nice stereo or a good set of headphones. Laptop speakers will not give this album justice! The album itself is not perfect, and there are some songs that drag a little bit, but on the whole it is a very engaging album. I highly recommend it to anyone who likes their pop music with a bit of substance. Want to sample it for free first? The album will be streaming online briefly so check out www.imogenheap.com/ellipse for more details.

Auteur House Presents:

The 30 Greatest Film Directors of All Time

By Dr Richard Swainson

The following attempt to list the 30 greatest directors of all time is a statement of personal taste more than an objective assessment of film history. There are some glaring omissions, starting with the fact that no women make it into my pantheon (for the record, Leni Riefenstahl comes closest: it’s a shame World War II so spoilt her career). There are also no representatives from Africa or the Middle East or Australasia, no French New Wave directors (Godard is overrated) or New Germans, or Chinese from any generation, and the Russian formalists and Italian neo-realists feature but once. Clearly, my bias is toward the past, with a healthy representation of silent artists - including, naturally, the comedians - and the best of Hollywood’s golden age. Marty Scorsese aside, it is a list of (mostly white) dead men. He alone flies the ‘movie brat’ flag, though perhaps if I were able to overlook three decades of disappointment from Francis Ford Coppola (in the way that, say, Michael Powell’s ‘quota quickies’ era or the weaker American films of Fritz Lang are ignored) the godfather of the 1970s could have got a look in. The columns which list career length and amounts of films made are based on IMDB information which is often at odds with that seen in published filmographies. IMDB tends to include amateur productions, shorts and television programmes as well as instances where work went formally uncredited. The last column on the right details how many films by each director is respectively stocked by Auteur House.

Rank Director 1. Orson Welles 2. Sergei Eisenstein 3. Ingmar Bergman 4. Alfred Hitchcock 5. Jean Renoir

Made 35 29 63 56 38

Years Career Stocked by AH 52 1934-1985 10 25 1923-1948 6 57 1946-2003 17 51 1925-1976 48 46 1924-1970 9

6. Akira Kurosawa 7. Carl Theodor Dreyer 8. Yasujiro Ozu 9. DW Grifﬁth 10. Stanley Kubrick 11. John Ford 12. Michelangelo Antonioni 13. Satyajit Ray 14. Howard Hawks 14. Charles Chaplin 14. Buster Keaton 17. Federico Fellini 18. Luis Bunuel 19. Robert Bresson 20. Billy Wilder 21. Preston Sturges 22. David Lean 23. Michael Powell 24. Fritz Lang 25. Jean Vigo 26. Luchino Visconti 27. Andrei Tarkovsky 28. Martin Scorsese 29. Erich Von Stroheim 30. FW Murnau

31 22 54 532 16 132 37 38 42 64 27 24 34 14 27 12 17 55 44 4 20 11 42 10 21

50 45 35 23 48 53 57 36 44 53 7 40 48 49 47 15 42 47 41 4 33 28 50 14 12

1943-1993 1919-1964 1927-1962 1908-1931 1951-1999 1917-1970 1947-2004 1955-1991 1926-1970 1914-1967 1920-1927 1950-1990 1929-1977 1934-1983 1934-1981 1940-1955 1942-1984 1931-1978 1919-1960 1930-1934 1943-1976 1958-1986 1958-2008 1919-1933 1919-1931

24 13 6 6 11 21 7 1 18 55 17 16 8 7 22 9 14 10 9 1 11 5 26 0 3

Reviewed by Paul “Walker” Barlow About six months ago the cinema got a slew of fantastic films; titles like Watchmen and Star Trek were playing along with drivel like Transformers 2 and Fast & Furious – the fourth installment of the “pretty cars make zooming noises” franchise. Sadly for me, though, Scene 1 – the NZ distributor of Watchmen, Ghost Town, Star Trek and Transformers 2 (ok so maybe I dodged a bullet on that one) – went into liquidation in July and this means NZ misses out on these titles and I get to review Fast & Furious instead of something good. I guess that’s not a very positive start to the review, but Fast and Furious isn’t a complete waste of time like Transformers. There are some fun races and Michelle Rodriguez dies. What doesn’t work though is just about everything else – big things like terrible acting from all involved, shoddy CGI – hey look at the texture-less petrol tank rolling at us covered in flames – cover up the niggly little bad things like GPS systems so advanced they not only tell you where to go, they can navigate through abandoned tunnels, and work out if you’re winning the race it seems to know you’re in. I guess though that if I wanted logic then Star Trek or even Transformers would be a better choice, this film is really car-nography – a word I just made up to explain the weird fascination the hordes of idiots on Te Rapa straight on a Friday night have with cars that look stupid and cost a 36

fortune to run. Plot is a secondary thought but essentially Vin Diesel steals a tanker of gas, Paul Walker is still a cop, Michelle Rodriguez gets kilt, Vin and Paul join forces to get killer. For some reason the first half feels like 2 Fast 2 Furious and the second half feels like an episode of Miami Vice. Or is that the A Team – one of the bad guys had the Mohawk and bling to shame Mr T. I pity the fools’ horrible end, but this metaphor really applies to the whole franchise. Ultimately, Fast and Furious is another nail in the coffin of Vin Diesel and Paul Walker’s careers, not to mention Michelle Rodriguez, who was always mediocre anyway. I know that a few people are going to grumble, just because I’m neither a car enthusiast or a boy racer or a man who needs to compensate for anything by owning something with a big motor – so I’m hardly the target market. But I really do dislike lazy film making and that, at its core, is what this movie is.

BOOK: Nekropolis by Tim Waggoner

Reviewed by Art Focker

I don’t normally take to horror being anything other than horror. Novels like Twilight and the Anita Blake series have never really attracted me or, I suppose, any large numbers of male readers. Trying to make horror a love story or a teen comedy or a super lame movie with sparkle-vampires has never managed to pull a male audience. Tim Waggoner has managed to fix this with his amazing book Nekropolis. Far from the trash of Twilight and the Starbucks horror of romantic-horror, however, sits Nekropolis. It’s a city which is familiar to the reader, where suburbs and neighbourhoods and alleys are controlled by different political factions and street gangs, with factories fouling the air and cabs and trucks plying their way through streets crowded with zombies, shapeshifters and vampire prostitutes. OK, maybe the last bit isn’t quite what we know in real life. Yet still, this city of Necropolis seems to be highly believable, far more so than the world of Buffy or the emo-training academy of Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight. Necropolis was founded as a ghetto for all of the creatures which live in our nightmares and in good horror fiction. They were fleeing human’s who were scouring the Earth and hunting them down

in what resembles Neil Gaiman’s take on the Holocaust. The main character, Matt Richter, is more Sam Spade than Buffy, a self-made zombie who does private detective-style favours for people in Necropolis and uses the proceeds to buy magical preservatives in order to keep himself falling to pieces. He’s not the hardboiled detective one ﬁnds in Dashiell Hammett or other detective tales. He’s a sad and lonely guy, trapped in Necropolis through no fault of his own and slowly rotting away to nothing. His friends are skeletons and cab-driving demons and he can’t taste food or even digest it. He actually has to get his stomach pumped after every meal in order to stop the steak he just ate from rotting inside of him. This book is as visceral and gruesome as one would expect from a book about a world where blood is currency and cell phones are made out of meat and recycled organs. Richter is hired, early on in the piece, by the daughter of one of the nine super-vampires who rule Necropolis. It seems she has misplaced a mysterious item called the Dawnstone and her old man won’t be terribly happy if he ﬁnds out. Richter and his vampire sidekick then set out

on a crazy ride through Necropolis, giving the reader an excellent taste of this New York/Hell hybrid of a burg and leaving you desperately wanting a sequel, a movie, anything to let you experience more of this terrifying, beautiful, alien land. I recommend this to anyone with a strong stomach and a day or so to spare. It’s not the grueling reading experience so much new ﬁction is, being far more on par with the pace of a Dan Brown airplane novel. It’s everything I wanted from a horror story with nothing I found in that abortion of ﬁction, Twilight. Go and buy this book at once, before they turn it into a crap movie and add sparkle vampires.

COMIC: Bayou by Jeremy Love and Patrick Morgan Reviewed by Gordon Dawson

Bayou appeared out of nowhere at Mark One Comics a couple of months back and I was instantly taken by its unique format (it’s longer than it is tall, unusually for a comic) and interesting art style. I didn’t buy it at the time, but after several visits store owner Chris encouraged me to take a proper look. I’m glad I did. Bayou is one of the best books I’ve read all year, comic or otherwise. The story first appeared online at Zuda Comics (http://www.zudacomics. com/bayou) which is a kind of clearinghouse for indie comic creators to showcase their work online. I wouldn’t have spotted it there, because all of my attempts to read a comic on Zuda have quickly ended in frustration with their hideous flash-based viewer. Superficially, it’s a nice-looking piece of kit, but I find it unworkable and very, very slow. For God’s sake, people, just put it out on PDF, or let us view it without your hideous proprietary interface! But I’m not here to rag on the website. Luckily Zuda has seen fit to publish Bayou in print, and it shines. It’s set in the American Deep South in the 30s, right smack in the Jim Crow years. A white girl goes missing and a

black man is blamed, with the town’s sheriff half-heartedly keeping a lynch mob at bay. It’s up to daughter Lee Wagstaff to swim deep into the murky mythos of the South and ﬁx things. Bayou is a dark fairytale story, and the all-too-real premise combined with African-American mythologies makes it rich and moving. Much of the impact comes from the art, which is perfectly suited to the story’s sensibilities. Jeremy Love’s writing (much of which is in dialect) just can’t be faulted. In short, it’s sad, scary and wonderful, all at once, and you should absolutely go and buy it right now (read it online if you must, but it works far better in print). It’s also the ﬁrst in a series, and I am absolutely hanging out for the rest of an amazing story. 37 37

Hello! Apparently, nothing is happening in Hamilton this week. Nothing. Wow. Oh, hang on, hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s one: Momento Open Mic Nights Thursdays from 6pm WSU is running a competition in conjunction with Momento during the open mic nights with the winner getting a spot to play at O week 2010.

Momento Lakes

Now open till 6pm Monday & Tuesday And till 8pm or later Wednesday â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Friday!!!

Please to send gigs of your to gigs@nexusmag. co.nz. They will be print for you! Sigh. Here, have some comics

Losers! There were THREE Busted picture submissions this week! What the hell is wrong with you? Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s very easy to send pictures to us! Step one: Party Step two: Take pictures Step three: Email them to us at busted@nexusmag.co.nz Seriously, do it! It canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be that hard, people are (apparently) partying here all the time. Embarrass your friends! Display your ugly mug! Showcase your boobs! Do it, goddamn it!