issue 21 2011

SEPTEMBER 19TH 2011

21

GAY PRIDE!

WE”RE HERE,

WE’RE QUEER, AND WE HAVE SOME EVENTS FOR YOU COS IT’S PRIDE WEEK!

PWNED

We take a look at an oldy but a goody in the form of the original Deus Ex

LICK IT! LICK IT!

Our new food writer wants you to throw caution to the wind and LICK THAT SPOON!

HATERS GON HATE

Its getting late in the year but we’re still bringing you awesome new columns. It’s Love It or Hate It

2

THE

11

CONTENTS 4

EDITORIAL

5

TOP TEN!

6-7

LETTUCE

8

HAIKU NEWS

11

SPORTS THOUGHTS

12

LEFT VS. RIGHT

20 21-23

22

THE NEWS!

10

14-19

36

30

WSU PAGES PUZZLES ENTERTAINMENT

24

THE MAGIC 8-BALL

26

WSU ELECTION CANDIDATES

27-29

GAY PRIDE

30-36

COLUMNS AND REVIEWS

38

GIG GUIDE

39

WEEKEND WARRIORS

23

35

39 3

EDITORIAL

SEPTEMBER 19TH 2011

21

GAY PRIDE Credits: EDITOR: Art Robinson (editor@nexusmag.co.nz) DESIGN: David Nixon (design@nexusmag.co.nz) ADVERTISING: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) NEWS EDITOR: James Manning (news@nexusmag.co.nz) FILM EDITOR: Richard Swainson (films@nexusmag.co.nz) BOOKS EDITOR: Kevin Pryor (books@nexusmag.co.nz) GAMES EDITORS: Sash Nixon (games@nexusmag.co.nz) DESIGN INTERN: Debby Yeung

Contributors Sam the Heretic, Luke Elliott, Ben Woolen, Scott Granville, Dirty Old Chair Leg, Shannon Rolfe, Judy’s Sweet Legs, Dr Richard Swainson, Owen Hinton, Honest Matt, Kylie Zinsli, Jess Edmonds-Saunders, Surrey Jackson, Mrs. Matthews, Jade Carey, Josh Cooper, Daniel Farrell, Esther Coker, Lauren KB, Mandy Suess-Ryan, Rawinia Judson, Caitlin

WITH ART

After this week, there are only three more Nexus magazines for 2011.

That means three weeks of classes, then on to exams and then on to summer! I love summer, but that’s pretty much a non-statement. Most human beings on this planet enjoy summer more than winter, so when someone’s talking loudly in a cafe and they state “I can’t wait for summer”, I just think “Well, you can, you’ve been waiting for summer two thirds of your life. You should be good at it.

And obviously you’re excited about summer – it equals good times, good people and traditional holidays/presents/swims”.

I have to admit, I’m a little bit scared about the end of the year. No, not because of rugby scores. And not because of elections, or even VSM. I’m scared because the end of the year means everything changes. I’m 28 years old. There, I said it. I’ve been at the University of Waikato, on and off, since B-Semester 2003. That’s 8 years. Most of the people I started with have gone on to fancy careers and families and I don’t really have any of that. The friends and love interests I have over the years have graduated and gone off into the ‘real world’. I graduated in 2009, right before I got this job. Got myself a BA in English in Theatre – thanks mostly to the persistence of several English lecturers who didn’t give up on me. While I was studying, the WSU came to my rescue on a couple of occasions, making sure I got fed and had a roof over my head when shit went Dark Ages in my life.

I’m scared, and I imagine a lot of the rest of you are, that the end of your time at university is the end of your ‘good times’. Sure, you can still party well in to your thirties, but at which point do you start thinking that you’re too old, or not achieving enough? When is it time to get married? Move in with your boyfriend/girlfriend? Start down the path that will take you on a career, with a single company, for the rest of your life?

Hayns, Aaron.Letcher, Kate Cogswell, Ayman Kysten, Burton C. Bogan, and Campbell “Ultimate Warrior” Weal.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

Or at least, we think we are.

I don’t have the answer to these questions. For everyone it’s different. Getting married while still studying is a lot less common now than it is when I started at Waikato.

Some guys and gals I know from my later years of study have just come back into academia, totally unable to find a satisfying job out in the real world. As for me, I think I’ll do the same: keep on studying until I get hit by a bus on Clyde Street or mugged near the United Video on bridge Street.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS

So summer, with all the hope and beauty that it contains, can definitely wait. I’m

PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS,

straight up scared.

THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. WE THINK THAT THESE LITTLE JOKES AREN’T READ BY ANYONE BUT US. AND THAT PERVY GUY IN MY BIO LAB.

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL ads@nexusmag.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT: Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: editor@nexusmag.co.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

-Art

Top 10 Unfortunate and Funny Quotes These quotes come from some interesting people to say the least and they have all too often provided us with a sharp stick to poke and prod them with. I’m sure they would all like to take these back....except maybe George Bush who seems to like the prodding.

10

“The internet is a great way to get on the net.”

– Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate. BOB DOLE!!

9

“China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.” – Charles De Gaulle, former French President.

Maybe he had a phobia of Chinese people.

8

“Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.” – Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery. Yes minister, you’re exactly right.

7

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” - Brooke Shields. I say that could be somewhat important.

6

“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people and neither do we.” – George Bush.

5

“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” - Joe Theismann, former NFL football quarterback and sports analyst.

4

“Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing – but none of them serious.” – Alan Minter, Boxer.

Nothing too serious, but Brooke Shields begs to differ.

3

“Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?” – George Bush. Well George is they?

spring into

summer Purchase a student membership before September 30th and go into the draw to win an Endless Pool upgrade!

SEPTEMBER STUDENT OFFER

INCLUDES: exercise consultations rev indoor cycling endless pool upgrades available

2 1

“You know the one thing that’s wrong with this country? Everyone gets a chance to have their fair say.” – Bill Clinton. It’s called democracy Bill.

*conditions apply

“Are you going to ask that question with shades on?” – George Bush to blind reporter Peter Wallsten.

Really I mean C’mon man!!!

4 MONTH STUDENT MEMBERSHIP OFFER to find out more visit

www.reccentre.co.nz Gate 1, University of Waikato

07 838 4177

5

Lettuce

erect (tehehe) a statue of a tranny right next to a set of dodgy public toilets? Or hide away the gays during rugby world cup time?

Nexus is Heartbroken for you!

Write to Win! SEND LETTERS TO: Send your letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

WEEKLY PRIZE: This week there is a prize! Brett from UniMart is kindly offering a $20 voucher to the writter of our letter of the week. Come to the Nexus office in the Student Union Building to collect your prize!

Dear fellow-students My boyfriend lost his ring in the S Block toilets on Friday (cause he was trying to be careful and didn’t want to ruin the ring but then forgot to put it back on afterwards). The ring hasn’t been returned to the lost and found yet and we were hoping the person who took it please give it back.

I can understand why you took it ‘cause of the saying ‘finders keepers losers weepers’ and especially with the whole economic meltdown and shitty social spending cut-backs, which is currently making living tough on a student.

But the ring does mean a lot to us and we are willing to give a reward ($20 or something and if this gets the $20 voucher that too), which will pretty much make up the price of the ring in the first place.

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Word count is limited to 250 words and we will enforce this as we please.

We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be). Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

It’s the meaning behind the ring that’s important and we would really love to have it back and would be so grateful if you return it.

Just give your details to the lost and found guys and we’ll give you the reward. Oh yeah! It’s a silver ring with Celtic design from Michael Hill, so please, if you have it give it to the lost and found.

I also love a good bearded man. Being a man with facial furniture himself, I appreciate a good growth, and how stunning it makes a gentleman look, with out exposing the majority of his face.

I also love Shihad. We may have had a small disagreement over the whole Pacifier really, but we got past that. Funny story, I met Jon and Tom from Shihad at Tracs one day (remember that place, fuck it was awesome) and I complimented Tom on his ability to smash the shit out of his drum kit, and sing at the same time.

Anywho, work is calling. Better get to it. Have a lovely day, and cheers in advance for the tickets Daniel

Uhhh….. Hooray?

Dear Women, Do you not get envious of the fact that men can look at their penises any time they want?

Do you know what YOUR vagina and vulva look like? Sure, you’ve seen other women’s, but have you seen YOURS?!

When was the last time, if ever, you got out a mirror and looked at your vulva and vagina?

Yes, I did just ask when the last time was that you got out a mirror and looked at your vulva and vagina!

Hannah Come pick up your $20 UniMart voucher at the Nexus office in the WSU Building.

A Letter for a Competition About the Beauty of Hamilton/Beards/Shihad/ Supergroove Dear Nexus I love Hamilton because it is pretty much the best city in the world. Where else would they

Vulva are as unique as fingerprints, why not get to know them? So go home, get out a mirror, get comfortable and have a look! You’re not looking for anything in particular; you just want to see what YOUR VULVA looks like! And if you want to go the whole way do a Google search for Vaginal Self-Examination.

Go on, you know you want to!

From It’s time we ladies took a look!

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A

$20 VOUCHER FROM UNIMART

CONVENIENCE STORE HERE ON CAMPUS

FOOD, DRINKS, SNACKS AND DAILY ESSENTIALS ALL IN ONE FRIENDLY LOCATION 6

Take the Bait! Enter this Comp!

Hey Nexus, Just to let you know you actually made my miserable Monday morning when I flicked through the pages of this week’s mag and found a pretty picture and a heading “Nexus Short Story Competition.” I must admit, I’m a sucker for story competitions and this one is no exception even though you haven’t listed prizes anywhere. So, unless Uni manages to bog me down completely with its never-ending assignments and tests, you can count on an entry from me.

Thanks, Another Letter for a Competition About

Nexus Blushed Upon Reading This Dear Bootylicious Editor, The FIRST paragraph of Gig Girl’s column this week: “Strip clubs and strippers. Two words laden with assumption.”

Things Wrong with Paragraph: 2+1=3 Three words, NOT two.

Possible Rebuttal: Gig Girls’ lack of fingers and toes to use as a makeshift abacus.

Possible Rebuttal to Other Possible Rebuttal: Does she have enough stumps?

Condolences, -

the Beauty of Hamilton/Beards/Shihad/ Supergroove

Stop Being So Lazy More Enraged Managementers Oi Nexus!

Why the fuck do I have to pay $15 to get into the management computer labs on the weekend when I already pay hundreds of dollars a week in course fees.

Sincerely AngryPants

More Stoners Should Write To US! They’re So Cute!

Hi Nexus, We are suffering from a severe high, and wondered if you could put a notice in Lettuce, asking whether any of the good students at Waikato University have given their lecturers sexual favors in return for passing grades.

Please ask them to write in next weeks lettuce with their stories, so we can get high next Monday and read this info.

Cheers, Harold and Kumar.

Dear Management School Students: Stop being so lazy As I write this, I have just come from a one on one seminar with the CEO of a stainless steel fabrication business that turns over 18 million per year. Why didn’t you get the opportunity to hear from this man? Well you did; you just chose not to be interested.

Last week, there were three ‘Meet the Executive’ events in MSB (Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday at 1pm), where top business executives were invited on campus to share their real-life experiences with motivated students. The only thing missing from the events were the students… how embarrassing.

Students of the management school were emailed details about these events three times and had posters in their faces daily as they walked through the doors to their lectures in MSB. So why the lack of interest? Perhaps the students of the management school simply don’t care about what we can learn from reallife experiences in the actual business world.

Text books are great; but alone they just don’t cut it.

Leaving town soon?

Need storage?

SPECIALT STUDEN OFFERd term

s fixe Call Shirley or Nigel for all the details: 3 month $200 Ph 846 6144 storeit4U@xtra.co.nz 176 Ellis St Frankton SAVE

Open your eyes and look to a broader horizon.

Opportunities to learn how to become successful from those who already are, are right there.

Stop being lazy students. Go to networking evenings and guest speaker events and build yourself a future beyond textbook knowledge.

From the motivated student

Another Competition Letter.

This One Won. Dear Nexus; I used to hate Hamilton. I really did. I know this is not a good start for a love letter, but let me finish.

I came from Auckland, and I enjoyed the busy streets and the ample shopping and the plethora of cafes that were available to me. I didn’t plan on being in Hamilton longer than my undergraduate studies. But now, with just under six weeks to go before I’m finished, I find myself looking for a new flat for next year.

Hang on a second... Hamilton’s won me over. I don’t know how it did it, but suddenly I don’t want to leave this little city. Perhaps it’s because it is so unassuming, no one seems overly obsessed with other people’s appearances, the cafes are more impressive than I was expecting. I regularly go out for coffee at a number of lovely little cafes dotted around the city. The shopping’s not bad, and the parking is cheaper. Not only that, while I was down here I met the most amazing gentleman (who I hope to give this double pass to). He is a man that I wouldn’t have found in Auckland, because Auckland boys care far too much about how they look. The university is smaller, and it gives us a better chance of the lecturers actually recognizing our faces in the class, and so more willing to give us a hand. Plus, in the Summer there’s nothing but sun and I really, really like that.

And that is why I love Hamilton.

Erica Warmington

SELF STORAGE

Safe, secure, affordable 7

THE NEWS!

BY JAMES MANNING

STUDENT PROTEST TURNS NASTY

OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW

A Victoria University of Wellington protest took a violent turn last Wednesday as Security staff punched several demonstrators and aggressively shoved others. Over 300 students gathered to protest ongoing cuts and redundancies at Victoria, and marched to deliver a letter outlining their concerns to Vice Chancellor Pat Walsh. Security Guards blocked access to the students, and proceeded to push students down stairs and grab their cameras.

Classy new bar Embassy Lounge has infiltrated the space held by notorious Pie Lab, and is out to set a new standard. With four 42 inch television sets, various couches and other seating furniture, drink deals to boot and a suave DJ Booth, Embassy Lounge has taken inspiration from the best aspects of drinking at home and drinking in town.

“I was just trying to slip the letter under Pat’s door; security came up and started trying to push us down stairs. There were people behind us; people could have got hurt if security had actually succeeded.

Because of that, they started punching me in the head. I guess they’re not fans of non-violent protests...”, says student Sam Oldham.

A number of current and former students spoke prior the protest, highlighting issues of course and staff cuts, and the claimed shortsighted management running the university into the ground. Over the past two weeks hundreds of outlines of students have been drawn in chalk to represent the death of quality tertiary education. Security has claimed that chalking is banned at VUW. Students are organising more actions to stop VUW management further damaging the institution. “I’m disappointed in the university, it is supposed to be a critical and creative space, but when we actually use those rights, we’re literally pushed down stairs”, says student Octavia Palmer.

LET THE CAMPAIGNING BEGIN Over 20 students are running for positions on the WSU Board of Directors.

The nominees for President are Blair Munro, Sapphire Gillard, Aaron Letcher and Sangil Rhee, while the nominee for Vice President is Sam Taylor and nominee for Vice President Maori is Priscilla Suzanne T. Ngatai.

The nominees for various Director Positions are Blair Munro, Campbell Weal, Murray Riches, Zane McCarthy, Marc Gundesen, Macaila Pescud, Regan Johnston, Courtney Quinn, Sabrina van Saarlos, Amy Ninnes, Hannah Budenberg, Aaron Letcher, Lane Weal, Danyell Summers, Marie Brown, Daniel Farrell, Larissa Schumacher, David Mayall and Aaron Gillgren.

Also, on a side note – Don’t forget the AGM is this Wednesday at 1pm in LG.01.

David Bennett MP M P for h aM i l t on e a s t

Phone: 07 834 3407 Email: davidbennett@xtra.co.nz www.davidbennett.co.nz

www.national.org.nz 8

“Our main aim is to get people drinking in here before town. Getting rid of that ‘getting trashed quickly’ image and replacing it with a friendlier one. We’ve got couches and TV’s so people can come on down, have a yarn with friends and generally enjoy themselves. It’s a lounge-like setting”, says Bar Owner Matt Stent.

Acquiring the space held by a bar that specialised in cheap shots and quick, heavy intoxication, Stent admits the hardest challenge was dealing with the legacy Pie Lab left behind. “We had a lot of problems in terms of getting a liquor license because of the Pie Lab image, but we’re through that now and are out do our own thing.”

“We’re aiming for more of a personal environment, not so much a party environment.”

Embassy Lounge is open from Thursday to Saturday. Their drink deals include buckets of 5 Waikato, Lion Red or Amstel Light bottles for $16, and buckets of 5 Heineken or Steinlager Pure bottles for $20.

Nexus Short Story Competition!

Are you the next Earnest Hemingway? Or maybe just the next Dan Brown? Either way, you’re what we’re looking for! Nexus is having its first (in living memory) SHORT STORY WRITING COMPETITION! To enter, all you need are a thousand of your finest words. You can write less if you want, but no more than 1000. E-mail your story to nexus@waikato.ac.nz with the subject line “SHORT STORY BRO” and you’re on your way. This competition is only open to you, the students, so send it from your @students.waikato addresses where possible.

We won’t print your name if you don’t want us to. Honest.

We’ve organised several judges both on and off campus, all of whom have experience in the wonderful world of writing.

Rules: 1. You MUST be a University of Waikato student to enter. Anyone found not to be a student at the University of Waikato will have any prizes revoked and given to the next runner up.

2. Entries close on the 3rd of October.

3. The story must be original. Fan fiction (using already established characters in a new setting) is acceptable, but originality will score you more points.

4. You may request that any winning entry be published under a pseudonym.

5. Nexus reserves the right to publish any winning short story in Nexus Magazine or online, with due credit to the author.

get a team together, get active, and get into...

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BASK5v5 E LEAGTBALL UE

social sport INDOOR

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JOIN US ON

AMBIENT EVENTS AND RHYTHM & VINES PRESENTS

Is my landlord legal?

Ethan has signed a tenancy agreement with his landlord on the landlord’s form. He has seen no sign of a bond form or had any communication that the bond has been forwarded to the Department of Building and Housing (DBH).

THURSDAY, 29 SEPT 2011

+RUBY FROST

The landlord is required to fill in a bond form and forward the bond to the DBH within 23 working days. The DBH will send you and the landlord a receipt. For more information, visit the following websites: • www.dbh.govt.nz • www.flatting101.co.nz • www.studentrent.co.nz

DJ SET

VECTOR ARENA, AUCKLAND

The Hamilton Area Citizens Advice Bureau provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria St (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm), 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am-4.30pm), Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm) and the Cowshed at the University (Tues-Thurs 1-3pm). They also have legal, advocacy and consumer services available where you can get more specialised help.

Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB) or look at the CAB website www.cab.org.nz

$89 + BOOKING FEE

PRESENTING PARTNERS

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5/08/11 4:46 PM

9

Haiku News

10

By Musashi

Apple pulls “Jew or Not Jew” app Turns out racism While certain to make money Not too ethical

Chaos for travellers as Qantas workers strike Planes delayed again?

Like that’s even a surprise No-one will notice

Six people involved in Wellington attack Carry rosaries Pray for your recovery After I beat you

Scarlett Johansson nude photo leak Tits out for the boys!

By “boys”, we mean vanity By “out”, we mean hacked

Sue Bradford to stand against Paula Bennett From the frying pan Into MANA candidate Oh, just shoot me now

Megan Fox “too poor for kids” On moral grounds, yes With Brian Green as a dad?

Vote Bradford in first

SPORTS THOUGHTS

SOMETIMES RAGEQUITTING CAN BE A BETTER OPTION

WITH C.BALL

Chances are everyone has already choked to death on what can only be described as a glut of Rugby Union related sports reports as the World Cup gets into the swing of things. If the opening ceremony, public transport failures and the games themselves weren’t enough to quench your thirst for mindless information anyone not living in Auckland isn’t actually experiencing the aftermath of, I’m sure Sonny Bill’s top ripping put the icing on the cake. Touché Adidas, you

he received an LBW decision he didn’t agree with.

Vermeulen ripped the stumps out and took them from the field with him, locking himself in the changing rooms. While he often had run ins with team management during his international career, two and a half erratic years after his serious injury marked the point where Vermeulen’s temper really escalated, as he was arrested after fires were lit at both the Zimbabwe Cricket Academy and Headquarter offices in Harare. I’m led to believe

just managed to completely repair all the damage you’d done to your brand by simply showing one man’s biceps and abs, setting off an earthquake of hype among men and women alike that had Christchurch, well, saying ‘meh’. Have the news values of this country really degenerated to the point where a ripped jersey is what news outlets believe the public needs to know about?

Fuck that, I’ve got something cooler in Mark Vermeulen - a man known for raging harder than a forty year old living in his parents’ basement who just got his epic sword stolen by a gnome in World of Warcraft.

lighting fires and burning shit to pieces that you don’t agree with is a common way of sorting out problems in Zimbabwe, especially if the shit getting burnt happens to be farmland owned by a European, but Vermeulen’s actions copped him serious court charges.

Mark Vermeulen is quite the character, and his story is an interesting one. For those of you who don’t know him, and there will be many, Vermeulen is a Zimbabwean cricketer with a temper. From a young age he was bookmarked as a future star for a country whose cricketing side was falling to an international standard similar to Phil Goff’s popularity in New Zealand.

He was the captain of Zimbabwe’s under 19 cricket team, and made his international debut at the ripe age of 21. Unfortunately for Vermeulen, being an opening batsman blows, and his career as a professional cricketer took a turn for the worse four years later as he copped chin music and was subsequently ripped apart by a bouncer from India’s Irfan Pathan. This delivery resulted in a sickening blow to the head which required major surgery, and marked a turning point in the man’s career.

However, Vermeulen’s career was always dogged by what can only be described as his desire for success often resulting in temper tantrums.

From a young age, he was banned from playing for his school after an event occurred in which

Vermeulen was a busy lad though, and in the same year was also banned from playing any cricket under the auspices of the England and Wales Cricket Board, after he threw a wobbly during a club cricket match between Ashton and Werneth. He’d just been slapped for consecutive boundaries, and the crowd started to give him a piece of their mind. Vermeulen’s temper flared, and his next delivery was a wide. What may be deemed as the straw that broke the angry camel’s back, Vermeulen then attacked the crowd and threw the cricket ball into the stands, allegedly just missing a young girl. He then picked up a boundary marker and brandished the sharp end at people, continuing on to abuse his intervening teammates and the match official. His club chairman subsequently tackled him to the ground, punched him in the head a few times, and influenced Vermeulen to hulk out and start screaming ferociously at the crowd. There’s a video on youtube by the way.

It must be said though that Vermeulen managed to turn his life around. Cleared of the arson charges due to psychological problems, he went on to return to international cricket at a later date, donating earnings to rebuilding the Academy and making a nice 92 in his comeback match. Since then he realised there are easier, less athletically demanding sports around to play, and has retired from all forms of cricket to pursue golf.

11

A QUICK ONE-TWO:

SHOULD WE LIMIT THE NUMBERS OF WHITE IMMIGRANTS ALLOWED INTO NEW ZEALAND

LEFT JAB WITH MISS COGSWELL Margaret Mutu’s statements were ridiculous and I think everybody in their right (or left) mind acknowledges this. You can’t fight fire with fire and you can’t fight racism with racism. A cap on immigration from the white supremacist bases South Africa, England and the United States is crazy. Isn’t it relevant whether the individuals actually hold racist views?

I’m going to assume that some of the people who emigrate from such countries come here to escape inherent racial prejudices. How then is it fair to say ‘hang on, you can’t come to New Zealand, you’re a white racist motherfucker’? She did say she was happy to welcome those who understand racism against Maori. Seriously, are we supposed to give them a fucking questionnaire?

The facts are the facts; some Maori are uneasy about other minority groups and multicultural policies shifting the focus from them alone.

And I do say some because only a Sith deals in absolutes. There is a perception that immigrants threaten Maori culture and “steal jobs from kiwis”. As Ngapuhi leader David Rankin pointed out, white immigrants tend to bring with them the finances and attitudes to create employment opportunities. But apparently Asian immigration is A-OK!

RIGHT CROSS WITH MR LETCHER Asking me whether the government should block white ethnic groups from immigrating to New Zealand is a question best met with the same question with a slight variation. Should the government block black ethnic groups from immigrating to New Zealand? If a white university professor suggested this he would be removed from his position or possibly shot, yet when a Maori professor suggests it some people openly agree with her, no action is taken against her, and she is allowed to keep her job.

Is this the same New Zealand that called for Paul Henry to resign after a racist remark, however funny it may have been, about Indians; or called for Alasdair Thompson to resign after kindly pointing out that women are less productive because of their menstrual cycle? New Zealand is one of the most politically correct countries in the world, yet it appears an exemption has been granted to Maori. Margaret Mutu is a glaring example of New Zealand’s double standards. People often overlook the fact that reverse racism is still racism. Just because somebody is white, it doesn’t mean it’s open season to hurl racial slurs or discriminate.

Aren’t we all New Zealanders? Can’t we all just get along? I wish.

Margaret Mutu almost has me convinced that I’m a closet racist.

Whites can’t be trusted. I don’t even know who is worse, those who

Ironically Mutu’s comments came about after a Department of Labour report found that Maori were more likely to express anti-immigration sentiment than any other ethnic group in New Zealand. Thank you for confirming their findings. Even more ironically, she gave their racist attitudes as the reasoning behind her racism. This woman is winning like Charlie Sheen.

immigrate or those of us here who didn’t do anything at all: “they do bring with them, as much as they deny it (that rules a questionnaire out), an attitude of white supremacy and that is fostered by the country”. The ‘poor me’ attitude doesn’t work when we’re all getting fucked in the arse. From positive discrimination programmes to remedying treaty grievances the country does a fair bit to make up for ancestral mistakes. For most Maori the day to day culture they live in is no different to the majority of New Zealanders, whatever their ethnic background. This could be seen as cultural dilution but it is a phenomenon evident throughout the world as our way of living evolves.

When it comes to immigration I believe that race should not be a factor taken into account when granting people the right to move to New Zealand. We should be looking at the things that matter like education and skill sets, where we have skill shortages, wealth, and criminal history. I may even go as far as saying we should enforce a minimum standard of English. Look at the person, not the skin colour.

We should be colourblind when it comes to these issues. It shouldn’t matter if you’re black, white, or even green. As long as you’re a decent human being who can contribute and participate in our society, welcome to New Zealand.

We have for a long time been moving towards a global nation and this is just the way of the world. You can’t fight change of such magnitude and you can’t keep living in the past. Races are changing because a lot of people, Maori included, see inter-racial families as a beautiful thing.

It is people like Margaret Mutu, Hone Harawira, and Tama Iti who hold New Zealand back, just as much as Kyle Chapman and Colin Ansell. One day we might all just be New Zealanders, but probably not today. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.

We are no longer bound to our country of birth, so if New Zealand’s not working for you, fuck off!

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Current students – to apply for 2012 undergraduate papers, submit your application

by 1 December to guarantee your place.

Freephone 0800 WAIKATO or visit www.waikato.ac.nz

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OFFICIAL NOTICE OF

ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING Wednesday 21st September 2011 1 pm LG.01 (Also on video link to Tauranga campus)

AGENDA:

•MINUTES OF PREVIOUS GENERAL MEETINGS •PRESENTATION OF ANNUAL REPORT FOR 2011 •PRESENTATION OF AUDITED STATEMENT OF ACCOUNTS FOR 2010 •PRESENTATION OF ANNUAL PLAN AND BUDGET FOR 2012 •APPOINTMENT OF AUDITOR •APPOINTMENT OF SOLICITOR •APPOINTMENT OF A LIFETIME MEMBER Further information is available from the office of the WSU.

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PREZ SEZ Many of you will now be aware that a number of the directors from this year including myself have chosen not to stand for position within the Waikato Students’ Union next year. For most of us this was a decision not taken lightly but rather the realisation that it is time to move on to exciting new chapters in our life. A number of directors are completing their degrees and many have already gained employment for next year.

Personally it has given me a chance to reflect on my time within student government and begin to truly evaluate the legacy that we leave behind. Having given it a great deal of consideration the only advice I can really pass on to our next generation of student leaders, and the student body as a whole is “be active.”

Student government is predicated on the belief that every person deserves a voice.

The reality is the best student bodies I have been part of have been ones with a proud and strong dissenting voice. People who represent

groups both in the majority and minority coming together from different ideological points of view to compromise and find solutions for the common good.

In reviewing the provisional list of nominees for every position I am immensely proud to see this tradition will remain long after the book has been closed on 2011. The nominees all have one thing in common, the willingness to get out there and improve the campus and to leave the student body in a better position that they found it. These lofty ideals should be the mantra for every incoming director as they have been in my time here.

We shouldn’t just leave it up to our elected representatives, your time on campus will be exactly what you make it. I encourage you to fully embrace everything student life has to offer, join a club on campus, attend WSU events, rally’s, O-week, Kingitanga day.

Even sitting next to someone new in a lecture or tutorial has the ability to improve your experience.

VP SPEAK Hello again everybody! I hope that everything is going well for you as we well and truly move into the business end of the semester, and for those of us in full-year papers, the year itself. By the time you read this, there will only be three more weeks of teaching left!

So what have I been up to recently? One of the more important meetings that I recently went to was the University Council meeting held last Wednesday, where I attended as a normal student (Deni sits on Council as WSU President). As some of you will have read in the Waikato Times, Council voted to increase domestic fees by 4%. From what was discussed in Part A (where any member of the public is allowed to attend), the University’s main rationale for this was simple: government policy allows an increase of up to 4% per year, and by not increasing by the maximum possible the University would never get this chance back and would “fall behind”. Quite what we would fall behind

WITH DENI

Deni Tokunai WSU President

027 5734241 president@wsu.org.nz

I encourage you to find more about your representatives before voting in the first week of October as they will be your voice in a number of committees next year and have the power to directly impact your environment.

Next week I will talk more about the achievements of the 2011 board and what I believe are the challenges that face the new candidates. I would like to wish all the candidates good luck for the coming election.

WITH CHARLIE

(presumably other universities’ fees?) was a bit unclear; however, I did find it interesting that the day after this fees increase the New Zealand Herald published a story about how New Zealand tuition fees are some of the highest in the world. I understand that Council discussed the fees issues further after Part A finished and the public were excluded from the meeting.

In terms of non-meeting related stuff, last weekend I had the pleasure of attending ReStyle 2011 on Saturday night, and then helping out at the Great Race on Sunday morning. Both were excellent events, and are great examples of some of the interesting things that do happen in Hamilton. ReStyle in particular was an awesome event full of creativity, music and fashion: congratulations to the University of Waikato students who were in charge of managing this huge event!

And of course, congratulations to the Waikato Rowing teams that won the Great Race!

Charlie Gillard Vice-President Waikato Students’ Union

027 4670276 vp@wsu.org.nz

Finally, don’t forget that the WSU Annual General Meeting is set to be held this Wednesday at 1pm in L.G.01. Make sure you come along and hear what the Annual Plan and Budget for 2012 and make your vote count! Next year will be very interesting for WSU so make sure you come along and make the most of your voice in your students’ union.

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MAORI MENTORS Ever wondered what the Maori Mentors do on campus? Considered if they might be able to help you? Perhaps just wanted to know how you get in contact with them? We asked Priscilla (Interim Vice-President Maori) to go out and talk to one of the Maori Mentors and find out exactly what they do. Read on to learn more from Priscilla’s interview with Petra, who is a Maori Mentor in the Waikato Management School.

educational outcomes by providing daily advice and support about academic and/ or personal issues that are affecting your studies.

What services does a Maori Mentor provide?

Maori mentor services come under three categories: pastoral/personal care, academic care, and procedural care. Pastoral/personal care includes anything a student has a need for that is not dealt with in the classroom i.e. moral support in their studies, help in communicating with academic and/ or general staff; Academic care includes anything a student has a need for that is about their paper content and/or assessments i.e. writing skills – essays, reports, articles, referencing help; Procedural care includes anything a student has a need for about the running of their papers and/or the University i.e. enrolment and course planning advice, applying for extensions/special consideration

Name: Petra Te Amo Degree: Master of Management Studies Major: Strategy & Marketing School of Study:Waikato Management School Maori Mentor Hours: Monday 11am to 3pm and Tuesday 9am to 11am What is a Maori Mentor?

A Māori Mentor (Management Student) is a student who has gained experience while studying within the Management School and throughout the University.Their goal is to help you (students) to achieve your

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Where can students find a Maori Mentor?

The Maori Mentoring Unit is located in MS1.G.02A (in the Management Student Centre).

Email: maorimentors@waikato.ac.nz or phone: (07) 838 4466 ext 6455 Alternatively contact your Maori Mentor at your school of study.

When should students use a Maori Mentor?

If students require guidance or assistance with any study related issues that are not already being dealt with by the appropriate service/person i.e lecturerof the paper or department, they should come speak with a mentor. If we cannot help you then we can refer you to the appropriate person/ servicethat can.

So, who can actually use the Maori Mentoring system?

The WMS Maori mentoring services are available to all Maori and Pacific students

studying Management Studies, however we welcome all students.

Okay, say I want to catch up with a Maori Mentor at my school of study.

How would a student go about doing this?

Students are able to make appointments with Māori mentors via three methods: 1] MyWeb booking system, 2] Drop-in sessions, and 3] Referral.

Can I get help with essay skills, or computer skills, etc?

The Maori Mentoring Unit offer services cater to the basic needs of these areas. However if students require further assistance in essay writingwe recommend they visit Language and Learning (a free service) situated in MS9 (just behind the main Waikato Management School building), and in terms of acquiring computer skills, visit the main library as they regularly run computer workshops which will assist you throughout your time studying.

What about leading up to exams, do you provide workshops to help students study?

We organise and facilitate two study wananga per year, generally held during study week of A and B semester. With the purpose to prepare and assist students for their exams, we employ tutors to cater to all management disciplines, with emphasis on the core subjects’ i.e strategy, marketing, accounting, finance and economics.

How about if a student had to go home for a tangi, and missed the deadline for an assignment, who would the student need to talk tothen?

We strongly advise students in this situation to contact their lecturer, paper convener, or tutor and follow their direction first. Failing that, students can come to us and we can contact the appropriate person(s) on their behalf.

What about if I need help with my paper choices for next year – Can a Maori Mentor help me?

Mentors can assist with selecting papers however we strongly suggest students visitthe advisors of study (at MSC), or the Maori Consultant(WMS, Pauline Gray).

CLUB CORNER:

MAKE MEGA BUCKS WITH THE WAIKATO INVESTMENT CLUB

The picture of this graph looks pretty darn ugly, right? (It certainly is not helped by the resolution either) To many this does little more than cause a serious migraine. Overall, it does not look that appealing; do you know how much was to be made in the two days portrayed above? $44,000.00 That’s right! If this is starting to be a little more appealing for you, head over to the fortnightly meeting for the Waikato Students Investment Club (WiC), and learn how you can make the most out of information like this (Wednesday 21st September, 6pm @

MSB1.02). Be sure to ‘Like’ us on Facebook (Waikato (Students) Investment Club) for the latest news,market updates and discussions on current market trends.

Our first meeting on 7th September was attended by 22 people in total, a highly satisfactory result! We would be stoked for you to come and check out what we have to offer!

We hope to see you there!

Regards, ‘The Team @ WiC’

GET A JOB IN A JIFFY WITH MCSA Just a reminder that the Management Communication Students Association is holding the very popular “Get a Job in a Jiffy” event this Thursday from 6-8:30 pm in MSB.4.02.

For those who don’t know what the event is all about, Get a Job in a Jiffy is a fun, fast paced, speed interviewing evening where 20 lucky MCSA members will engage in ten 5minute interviews with industry experts, show off their amazing CV and practice

those tricky psychometric tests. This is all to prepare our members for their job search.

com as soon as possible! For those who have registered, we look forward to seeing you there!

Judges this time round come from all over Hamilton, including Hamilton City Council, the University of Waikato, Forum Point 2, Fonterra, Classic Events, Wintec and The Foundation of Youth Development.

At the time of writing, MCSA still had a few spaces available, so if you are keen to know more, email MCSAwaikato@gmail.

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SERVICE SPOTLIGHT O IS FOR AWESOME: NZ BLOOD

This week we sent WSU Director Finian Scott to find out about donating blood on campus.

Stereotypically the need for blood is associated with the head on collisions and ‘wham bam thankyou mam’ road accidents which land people head first, white as a sheet on a hospital bed waiting for ‘donations’ of blood to whisk them back to full health.

However, truth be told only 18% of blood use is associated with accidents, in reality the big users of donated blood comes from cancer patients. So whilst you’re walking past with your daffodial pinned proudly on your chest, or your pink ribbon flailing in the breeze why not get to the nitty gritty and, alongside parting with a dollar or two to acknowledge your support and tick the “I’ve done something good for the world today” box, roll up your sleeve and part with a pint (of blood that is).

The truth is, a single donation of blood goes can go towards saving the lives of up to 3 people. Who knew saving lives could be as easy as a small needle prick and a handful of jellybeans for good measure?

I remember my first visit to donate back in 2009, when I officially received my “O for

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awesome” blood ID and a Mr Blood soft toy (cue younger sister’s birthday present- check) and although I may be a frugal (translation ‘tight arse’) uni student I had no idea just how crucial blood donors are. According to Marie from the NZ Blood Service “We need to collect in excess of 3000 units of blood a week in New Zealand to keep up with the current demand and in the greater Waikato we need to collect 528 units of blood a week to meet our requirements. That is over 528 people through the doors because although some people come in to donate they will be deferred from donating for various reasons including medication, colds and flus, tattoos and piercings etc.”

So, if you’re in the mood for saving some lives and getting the sugar rush which 2 or 3 jellybeans inevitably will bring to your average day on campus the team at NZ Blood are next on site ready and waiting at the Rec Centre on Monday 17th, Tuesday 18th and Wednesday 19th October. The times for collection will be 10.00am to 2.00pm each day. Get down there and give.

So as the Tua-man might also say: MAN UP! GIVE BLOOD. SAVE LIVES.

A MESSGE FROM NZ BLOOD THEMSELVES: In order to donate blood you need to be between the ages of 16 and 60(for first time donors), be in good health, and it needs to be 6 months from having a tattoo or piercing. There is other criteria as well and this can be viewed on our website www.nzblood.co.nz . We run an appointment system for the collect and appointments can be made by visiting the website or calling 0800 GIVEBLOOD (0800 448 325) or people can just pop in on the day if making an appointment does not work for them.

EVENT: PO WHAKANGAHAU

A TALENT QUEST FEATURING STAFF AND STUDENT PERFORMERS AND GUEST ARTISTS DATE: FRIDAY 14TH OCTOBER, 7-9PM DOORS OPEN AT 6:30, SEATS ARE LIMITED, FIRST IN FIRST SEATED LOCATION: GALLAGHER ACADEMY OF PERFORMING ARTS KOHA: GOLD COIN

NAU MAI HAERE MAI

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DANIEL FARRELL COMMEMORATIVE

Puzzle Page

Brought to you by Mighty Strong Friends of Nexus; Event Cinemas and Frozen Coke Smugglers

So, I was told a theme for this week’s puzzle page on Monday morning. I’m making this puzzle page on Thursday night, and I can’t remember it. But that’s okay, because the start of the New Zealand Breakers season is nigh! NBL starts on October 7th on the Gold Coast, but the Breakers are playing three preseason games first. To show how excited I am, it’s time for an NBL themed puzzle page.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t put Adelaide 36ers in, because it can’t have numbers... So Adelaide is there without the team name :(

THE BIG BAD wordFIND the wORDS ADELAIDE CAIRNS TAIPANS GOLD COAST BLAZE MELBOURNE TIGERS NEW ZEALAND BREAKERS PERTH WILDCATS SYDNEY KINGS

WHAT TO DO

TOWNSVILLE CROCODILES

The Furious Puzzle Page

(seriously, it’s pretty darn cross)

WOLLONGONG HAWKS

Brought to you by the strong mind of Event Cinemas, in both Chartwell and Centreplace flavours! Mmmmm, delicious frozen coke!

Be warned, this is the most difficult puzzle page ever!

QUIZ TIME: Q. The NBL was the first Australian competition to have a team from Asia.

Which team was this?

wanted to enter the NBL. Which city were they from?

Q. What is the salary cap in the NBL? Q. Which team was the first outside of Australia to win the NBL Championship?

Q. Which team’s last ever game in the NBL won them the NBL Championship?

Q. At the beginning of the 2010/11 season, another team from New Zealand

20

AUTEUR HOUSE

TALES FROM TINSLETOWN

WITH DR. RICHARD SWAINSON

WITH JADE CAREY

After his extravagant excess in the 1970s it is a miracle that Ken Russell could find any kind of employment in the decades that followed. He returned to the small screen for a few minor projects before making his American debut, under extraordinary circumstances, with “Altered States”. It was a much troubled project, already abandoned by original director Arthur Penn after a falling out with legendarily cantankerous scriptwriter Paddy Chayefsky. Russell claimed to be hamstrung by a contractual obligation not to change one word of the screenplay. His solution: get the actors to speak Chayefsky’s dialogue as quickly as possible. This in turn prompted the writer to remove his name from the credits.

China is banning hit songs including those of Lady Gaga. A statement on the culture ministry’s website said that China has banned websites from featuring 100 songs by artists from Lady Gaga to the Backstreet Boys. The ministry said that it aims to regulate the “order” of the internet music market, adding songs that “harm the security of state culture must be cleaned up and regulated under the law.” Crazy to think that they feel threatened by artists such as the backstreet boys!

For all that “Altered States” has its defenders and enjoys a modest cult following amongst sci fi fans. Chayefsky’s exploration of man’s primal beginnings might not rank with his best work but at least the story and screenplay provide Russell with much needed structure.

Four years later the enfant terribles’ Hollywood career came to an abrupt end. “Crimes of Passion” is nowhere near as weird as Russell in his prime but its kinky combination of S & M sex with perverted religion was too much for American audiences. However, it did accomplish the rare feat of creating one star - Kathleen Turner, fantastic as the prostitute China Blue, shoving batons up policemen’s bottoms - and destroying another - Anthony Perkins, hitting career rock bottom as a defrocked, deviant priest, yet another variation on his trademark Norman Bates role.

Strangely enough, Russell then rallied. If “Gothic”, his 1986 dramatisation of the night “Frankenstein” was written was a dull dud he returned to form with back to back hits in 1988: “The Lair of the White Worm”, a tongue-in-cheek monster movie freely adapted and modernised from a Bram Stoker novel and “Salome’s Last Dance”, a version of Oscar Wilde’s least performed play. He followed up this well received work with two DH Lawrence adaptations: “The Rainbow”, a prequel to “Women in Love”, the film that had originally put him on the map, and, inevitably, “Lady Chatterley’s Lover”.

The latter was actually a television miniseries and was depressingly mundane. Thereafter only “Whore” seemed in anyway like a Russell film, the rank vulgarity of his namesake Theresa in the title role a minor grace note in what is otherwise irredeemable, even as pornography.

The list, issued on August 19 and posted on the ministry’s website, included Lady Gaga’s ‘The Edge of Glory’, ‘Hair’, ‘Marry the Night’ and ‘Bloody Mary’. It didn’t explain as to why the songs were banned but it is known that China routinely censors anything it considers politically sensitive or offensive.

The list is the third to be issued by China’s government and includes Boy-band The Backstreet Boys, American R&B singer Beyonce, Katy Perry, Canada’s Simple Plan and British pop group Take That.

There are also many Asian artists with songs banned, including Taiwan’s Chang Hui-mei, who previously ran afoul of the Beijing government after singing the Taiwan anthem at the inauguration of former Taiwanese president Chen Shui-bian in 2000. I can’t say that I personally have heard any of the Asian songs that feature on the list, but am pretty surprised at the ones I do know being banned as I would never consider them harmful to the political state of China.

China, which regards Taiwan as part of its territory, temporarily banned Hui-mei from mainland performances and pulled her product advertisements. Authorities have reportedly blocked some foreign bands from performing live in China, or scrutinised set lists in advance to cut songs considered offensive. The official scrutiny over foreign headline performances was heightened when Iceland’s Bjork closed a 2008 Shanghai show by shouting “Tibet!” at the end of her song, declare Independence. Since 2010, China had required all songs posted on music websites to receive prior approval, in a move the government said was partly aimed at rampant piracy. “As with most Chinese government bans, this one is a grab bag of objections, including the eye-rollingly obvious accusation of ‘poor taste and vulgar content.’” I think it is about time China learned that they cannot save their country by banning things from the people; all it really ends up doing is pushing the people to rebel.

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AT THE MOVIES WITH DR. RICHARD SWAINSON & JOSH COOPER

FIRE IN BABYLON

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

DIRECTED BY STEVAN RILEY

DIRECTED BY WILL GLUCK

I think I’m destined to remember more the company I kept whilst watching “Fire in Babylon” than the movie itself. I mean that in the broadest sense for New Zealand cricket captain Ross Taylor, who sat immediately in front of me, certainly didn’t acknowledge my presence or otherwise make conversation. Hopefully he was busy

Some of you may be able to directly relate to this film, Friends with Benefits; a lot of us may have done this or wanted to at least.

taking notes on how to transform our team into a world calibre side.

York and Los Angeles. They have just hastily split from their partners and become single again. Dylan (Justin Timberlake) is the owner of a successful start up which leads him to be head hunted for a job in New York by no other than Jamie (Mila Kunas). Dylan ends up taking the job in New York and his first friend in New York is none other than Jamie. They then discover that they are both fresh out of failed relationships. They both find that all they want is sex and not a relationship so they decide on a purely sexual relationship and as you can imagine it only gets worse from there.

They’d be problems replicating the West Indian team’s success during the key years of 1976 to 1995. “Fire in Babylon” has very definite ideas about how that generation of Caribbean players became champions and not all of them have to do with an embarrassment of fast bowling riches. It argues persuasively that the colonial past - in concert with rising black consciousness and post-colonial pride - informed a sense of self belief and the need for a kind of symbolic revenge upon the white oppressors.

There’s much that is moving in the film. The calibre of talking heads is impressive: Gordon Greenidge, Desmond Haynes, Michael Holding, Colin Croft, Joel Garner, Andy Roberts, Clive Lloyd and - of course - Vivien Richards. Richards’ steely gaze is still intimidating, his unbending philosophy and bounteous charisma making comparisons to Muhammad Ali inevitable and appropriate. If you had never seen the guy play - if you were judging Richards on these interviews alone you’d still swear that he must be not only a great cricketer but a great man.

Whatever inspiration is taken from Richards and his peers there’s an unfortunate insularity to “Fire in Babylon” that limits it as history. I found the dismissal of previous West Indian teams to be cursory to the point of disrespect - George Headley, possibly the finest batsman the game has seen outside of Bradman, didn’t even get a mention! - and from a New Zealand perspective omitting details about the highly contentious 1980 Windies tour of this country is outrageous.

The West Indians behaved like sulky bully boys in 1980, with Croft shoulder barging umpire Fred Goodall and Holding kicking over the stumps. Though a photo of the second incident briefly graces the screen in “Fire in Babylon” it is used to illustrate Holding’s wider point about how countries that criticised the West Indies bouncer heavy tactics were those without fast bowlers themselves. Given that New Zealand then enjoyed the services of one RJ Hadlee, this shot is as cheap as it is inaccurate.

-RS 22

“Friends with Benefits” starts off with Jamie and Dylan living in New

“Friends with Benefits” is a highly predictable film. You can pretty much predict every turn in the story because it takes on the body of most romantic comedies coming out of Hollywood. There was one part of the film that I would have liked to see evolve a bit more – Dylan and Jamie both agree that they wanted to avoid the cliché Hollywood love stories that are typical in all films. However, as always, Jamie wants a prince charming and it takes Dylan the whole movie to realize he is her prince charming. I may have just ruined the story a little bit for you but trust me: you’re not missing out on much. You can pretty much pick up the whole storyline from the trailer, which is not a good sign for a film.

This film has a striking resemblance to the romantic comedy that came out at the start of the year, “No Strings Attached”. They are nearly the same film, Justin Timberlake is Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunas is Natalie Portman and the story line is the same. So if you’ve seen “No Strings Attached” you’ve basically seen “Friends with Benefits”. Even though this film lacks a real story it still provides a few good laughs and with the additions of Woody Harrelson, Richard Jenkins and Nolan Gould it helps hide some of the films blemishes.

This film was made directly for the ladies, as I don’t see a group of men getting together on a Friday and going to see this. So if you enjoy chick flicks and romantic comedies gather up the ladies and go see this movie.

-JC

LOOKING AT NOISES WITH DANIEL FARRELL & JEREMY MAYALL “tortured souls” hang out and approach themes around the area of sex, drugs and theft.

I wouldn’t be happy calling this album a music CD. To me, it’s more recordings of poetry recitals with some really good music in the background. And the music is good. These guys clearly have some talent and I definitely will be playing this CD again. However, it’s not the sort of music I would generally just sit and listen to. It’s really good music for having in the background while having a coffee or a quiet drink.

DELICATESSEN FREAKY MEAT

Personally, I would never name a band Freaky Meat.

Whether you look at it as meat that’s been left on the counter for too long or something more sexual, it doesn’t look good. But Freaky Meat is not like any band I have heard before, so I don’t really mind the fact they have an unusual name. I couldn’t really give a genre to the music, simply because there’s so much in there. We have some jazzy stuff, some rockabilly stuff, some more pop-rock stuff – and that’s just the first two tracks. The vocals sound like a poetry club where the

There are some definite New Zealand themes. Other than the place names, there’s no disguise of the New Zealand accent in vocalist, Shane Hollands. And that is so refreshingly different, as most New Zealand bands seem to put on American or British accents.

All-in-all, this album is definitely a keeper. I’ll happily have you play it to me – just not too often. It’s the sort of album that I would love to say has something for everyone, and in terms of the music there is. But the lyrics and the more recital-style of the vocals are going to make a great number of people not like this. And it’s a shame, because it really is quite a good album.

Oh, and any band that calls a track “My poetry is an alcoholic pit-bill in an bad mood” deserves respect.

-DF that borrows from rock and other contemporary song forms as well as jazz.

There is a lot of modern jazz (as with many modern musical forms) that can often be more fun to play than it is to listen to - Scales being run, people playing technically demanding phrases just to show off, it can end up just being one big wankfest. But fortunately there is a bunch of good stuff that isn’t like that – and this album is some of the good stuff.

JAMES FARM JAMES FARM

“James Farm” – the album is the eponymous studio recording debut of the jazz quartet composed of Joshua Redman (tenor/soprano sax), Aaron Parks (keyboard), Matt Penman (doublebass), and Eric Harland (drums) – all leading figures in the world of contemporary American jazz. James Farm is a relatively new quartet whose players have worked together in various groupings and contexts over 5 years or so.

On this recording each member has contributed to the compositional backdrop. There are three tunes each from Redman, Parks, and Penman, and one by Harland. Most of the pieces have strong melodic lines and feature narrative arc that propels the tunes forward but also makes room for solid exploration by soloists and for seemingly spontaneous group interplay. All this combined with a hybrid quality

With tunes like ‘Polliwog’ that has a kind of hip-hop beat and catchy melody that can appeal to a more mainstream audience, while still having the jazz depth the many fanatics look for in the clattering drums grooves and the syncopated piano licks. The track ‘1981’ is full of subtle touches in both colour and texture with the combinations of saxophone and celeste licks over a backbeat piano vibe.

One of my favourite tunes comes from the drummer - “1-10”. This features skittering, and sometimes electronically enhanced drum grooves and a powerful tenor sax. While this is one of the shortest tunes on the album, the group cram a lot into it, creating a somewhat claustrophobic and unmistakably urban mood.

Although this may not be an innovative recording – it is a breath of fresh air in modern instrumental jazz music. They have created something that is emotional and compelling—and something that will appeal to some listeners who might be new to the jazz. An interesting side note: Bassist Matt Penman was born in New Zealand. He went to study at Berklee College of Music in Boston before deciding to settle in the US. He is now one of America’s foremost bass players. -JM 23

Shiver in fear puny mortals! Void your bowels and scream until your lungs bleed! It’s the mighty, majestic, melodious Magic 8-Ball!

Is Cameron Road really the portal to hell?

No. On the contrary, Cameron Road is actually the first level of hell, which should go some way to explaining away all the face clutching and agonised howling that goes on around there. The portal to the underworld is in fact in an old Burger King playground helicopter on Knighton Road. If you travel further down Cameron Road towards Ruakura you’ll notice it gets significantly harder to breathe (something to do with the air being thick with the vaporised marrow of the forsaken), until you reach Sherwood Park, where Lucifer is currently living in a hideous legoland house next to another hideous legoland house. Beezlebub himself is often seen stalking the AgResearch paddocks in search of genetically modified sacrifices. And it goes on.

Why won’t my Charmander listen to me?

It is certain.

A screaming, impenetrable wall of nonsensical wailing. Like furious white noise but with more bees and tinnitus. This is what your partner hears whenever you open your mouth. Imagine how your “Charmander” feels.

WITH DEATH WEASEL, ESQ.

Taurus: April 21 – May 21 There’s a bad moon arising and you know what that means. Don’t go out tonight. Maybe not even this week. You’re always the drunk one starting fights and the signs say you may meet your match. Don’t push your luck with angry, hairy beasts.

Gemini: May 22 – June 21 With Mars and Venus making eyes at each other love is on the cards for you. Or is it lust? I can never be sure but in either case be safe. Put a condom on your heart and don’t give out your number. Fifty percent of the time sex leads to stalking.

Cancer: June 22 – July 23 Show me the money! Either a financial windfall or a very petite man will be coming your way this week, or perhaps a combination of both. In this case grab him with both hands. Marry wealth; divorce is inevitable these days anyway.

Leo: July 24 – Aug 23 With Pluto in your orbit it’s time to face the cold, hard truth. You don’t really exist. You’re nothing but a figment of the collective imaginings of little, tiny strands of thought and energy expelled from the universe. But don’t get down, get drunk!

Virgo: Aug24 – Sep 23 The planets are keeping their distance from you, what have you done? Your friends all hate you. Reach out, amnesia is everpresent and hugs heal all. It’s time for you to try harder. Choose friends not food, or fucking for that matter. Hugs, only hugs.

Libra: Sep 24 – Oct 23 Your sign is in the ascendance. Or is that transcendence? Try meditation and find that otherworldly being you are. Search for the higher truth without using your brain. Use psychedelics instead of thinking, nothing out of the ordinary for you.

Why is there a dead Pakistani on my couch?

Answer cloudy, try again later.

He is not dead. He is waiting.

Scorpio: Oct 24 – Nov 22 Mercury is approaching your sign at the speed of light. This week will fly by so Jack-be-nimble if you want to keep up. Don’t go to sleep or you might miss something or become trapped in a burning building. Be careful with candles.

Should I wife the bitch?

Yes Sure. Why not. Sign your life away. Why not staple your pinkie

Sagittarius: Nov 23 – Dec 21 As Jupiter retreats you will see everything from a distance as the people around you become ridiculously small. Though the power inside you grows do not hold judgement but rather adopt the stance of the BFG. Your day of judgement will come.

finger to a miserable squealing rat that gets fatter every year while you’re at it? A miserable squealing sweating heaving rat that won’t even have lacklustre sex with you because since the kids came along you’ve morphed into a big fat hysterical he-mum that flounces around in shorts and sandals and has become increasingly shapeless and Michelin Man-esque as the years slowly groan by, topped off with a set of genitals that are less pumping-pistons-of-fuck than they are sad, deflated balloons. Wicked.

Will I be able to stick to my exercise and get the perfect bikini body or will I fail epically? (Might as well know now before I put all the effort in haha) Answer cloudy, try again later.

8-ball tips: Clench stomach muscles constantly throughout the day.

Spew before and after meals. Meals must consist entirely of celery.

Also, poo often and poo well. Did you know the duke (John Wayne) died with 44 lbs of faeces in his system? Your current body may actually be mostly shit.

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Capricorn: Dec 22 – Jan 20 This week all of your dreams will come true. The planets are smiling at you and the good vibes are coming down to earth.

Share them so people will still like you. Also don’t eat cheese before bed as your nightmares will also be realised.

Aquarius: Jan 21 – Feb 19 Take a chance this week, the numbers are high and I’m feeling lucky. Saturn will keep you safe and serve as your guide. Follow the signs and trust in fate, you are an intrepid traveller in your own life. But remember, the house always wins.

Pisces: Feb 20 – Mar 20 As Neptune enters your sign, stay out of the water. Summer’s not here yet and no one wants to see your lily-white legs. The king will chase you out and skewer your ass with his trident. Not worth it.

Fire is your friend, hypothermia is not.

Aries: Mar 21 – Apr 20 The sun is hiding from you, though perhaps out of consideration for your ginger-haired complexion or protection of your vampire identity. A varied sign, it seems for you, anything is possible.

Laugh at probabilities and pray for salvation.

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WHO’S RUNNING? 1

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It’s that time of year again, the time when the politicians of the future stand up to be counted in the Waikato Students’ Union Board of Directors Election.

This year is set to be an interesting one, with four people running for president, but only one candidate standing for each of the two vicepresident positions. No surprises who will get those seats then.

And without further ado, here are your candidates for the 2011 Waikato Students’ Union Election!

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PRESIDENT Richard Rhee (1) Aaron Letcher (2) Sapphire Gillard (3) Blair Munro (4)

VICE PRESIDENT MAORI 7

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Priscilla Ngatai (5)

VICE PRESIDENT Sam Taylor (6)

DIRECTOR 10

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Blair Munro (4) Campbell Weal (7) Murray Riches (8) Zane McCarthy (9) Marc Gundesen (10) Macaila Pescud (11) Regan Johnston (12) Courtney Quinn (13) Sabrina van Saarloos (14) Amy Ninnes (15) Hannah Budenberg (16) Aaron Letcher (2) Lana Weal (17) Danyell Summers (no photo) Marie Brown (18) Daniel Farrell (19) Larissa Schumacher (20) David Mayall (no photo) Aaron Gillgren (no photo) Melissa Tomu (21) Voting will take place across the entire campus from the 3rd till the 5th October

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THE BEAUTY OF HAMILTON WITH LUKE Hamilton Gardens – 14/9/11 Ok, the Gardens may seem like an obvious location for the column to cover. But they deserve it. Hamilton’s Gardens are some of the best in the country, and I’ve seen a fair few. The gardens of Dunedin and Christchurch have nothing on ours. The fact I’ve never had Auckland’s recommended to me suggests they don’t, either. Wellington’s are supposedly pretty cool, and New Plymouth’s Pukekura Park is definitely worth a visit. Invercargill’s Queen’s Park isn’t half bad either. But those (and other) cities’ gardens are mostly about the trees and plants; they cultivate pretty examples of the species, and tell you about them, and so on.

That’s cool. Hamilton’s do that, too. But ours go beyond. Our theme gardens are pretty spectacular. Step into the Italian Renaissance garden and it feels like you’re in Rome. I’m sure I would say the same thing about the Indian garden if I’d been to India. The structures and landscaping in these gardens are done magnificently. The Chinese garden rivals Dunedin’s famous ones, and Hamilton’s won’t charge you an entry fee. The Japanese garden is awesome too, and even has a little stepping stone path off to one side, which most people don’t notice. There is a pesky little rope in the way though… so guess you’ll have to stick to the main bit, right? The gardens are currently under redevelopment, and the Fantasy Collection will definitely be worth checking out when it opens.

Even if you’ve been before, now is the perfect time to visit – it’s Spring, so everything’s blossoming, and the place smells amazing.

The same goes for those of you who haven’t been before, and I know you’re out there, reading this; I took a second year there this year who hadn’t been before. So stop making excuses and go! Be sure to explore the area around the gardens, too. Over the little lake with the waterfall, there’s a little Russian-style pagoda on top of the hill, which gives great views over the area. On the other side, there’s a little walk down to the river, where there’s a jetty, and a tree lined walk along the shore. Much more is around too; so, go forth, and explore!

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HATE IT OR LOVE IT

OWEN’S VIEW

WITH GUCCI MANE

WITH OWEN HINTON

The Rugby World Cup - it has hit our shores, it’s in your face, and I’m not sure whether I should rejoice or despair at the fact that New Zealand is playing host. Okay, I admit that it is exciting to have the

Every time I walk down Greensboro on my way to uni I snigger at the real estate signs.

tournament in our own backyard and experience the good vibe going around, but I’m beginning to question NZ’s capability to cater for such an occasion. Whatever your take may be, I’ll make the arguments and let you decide – NZ as event host: hate it or love it?

‘Sound investment!’ ‘Good return on your investment!’ Yeah-fuckinright. Any investor with a lick of common sense wouldn’t be convinced reading that sign whilst they avoid all the broken glass and trash on the road. Even if they weren’t going to put students in their house/ apartment, the surrounding students would ruin it for anyone else and thus they’ll probably end up having to rent to students anyway.

Just briefly, we were advised to expect 150,000 people on the opening night so we plan for 50,000. We are left dumbfounded when 60,000 people use the trains instead of 30,000, when the ferries can’t dock at their normal location, and when too many people catch the free buses.

I won’t preach anymore but seriously, to host a premier event you have to be a premier country, and apparently NZ is a premier country with a third-world rail system. Where other countries have Thomas the Tank Engine running their train network like a boss, we’ve got the Fat Controller on the piss and fucken Percy backing into shit.

Don’t despair though because we have great minds like the mayor of Auckland, Len Brown, leading by example. The very man who told Aucklanders to leave their cars in the garage and catch the train instead rolled up to the game on four wheels because he has to be flexible. Ooohh, as the mayor of Auckland there’s the possibility that during the match you’ll be summoned to a G8 Summit meeting with the rest of your super-city world leaders – like Alf Filipaina. I could go on forever but I still need to propose the counterargument.

Every pom loves NZ, so even considering all the hiccups I still think the RWC tourists will enjoy their stay. Sorry that’s bias, not every RWC tourist is from England, but I think in stating that NZ is a pleasurable destination for all is a fair generalisation.

We are an easy-going, friendly society, and our temperament means that if the All Blacks lose you needn’t expect to get stabbed nor some plastic seat behind you being uplifted and tossed at your head. We aptly resolved the Christchurch issue by following the ‘better to be safe than sorry’ principle and we didn’t exhaust the last of our money by building a waterfront stadium. What’s more is that we are embracing the tournament, buying tickets and going to the games. Who knows, the RWC could still make a host of us yet.

Some of you may recall the demolished letter box down there a few months ago. It was made of bricks! But like water through the Grand Canyon, large amounts of students will erode anything. It’s almost like Chernobyl, where surrounding the university is a ring of nuclear fallout; nothing within it will prosper.

Looking around my own yard and I can see the corrosive touch.

Remnants of a fence; no letterbox (like, we had one up till yesterday, nek minnit; it’s gone. You dicks, where’s all our junk mail gonna get put now?) And a little while ago our recycling bin went missing. I felt bad for the environment right up ‘til we found out the city council wouldn’t let us use a completely similar (just not from Hamilton) bin.

After that I just didn’t give a shit. If I have to pay for a new one then there’s just no incentive. What’s to stop the next one getting pinched round here? Luckily some friends of mine gave me a spare one and on the same day the recycling truck people left one in our driveway. It was a kinda munted one but even still I appreciate that.

I know it’s not every student being a problem, but the bad ones certainly do make a big impact. I hate it because in the houses around you are regular people who can’t afford to live in a nicer area and they have to put up with your shitty parties every week while you brats lap up free money from their taxes.

You can have a party with the music down lower kids. You don’t have to smash your bottles on the street to have a good time. And if you ever want to be respected, show some respect to the people around you, ya shit bags.

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CAFES: LIKE A BOSS

BOGANOLOGY 101

WITH MRS MATTHEWS

WITH BURTON C. BOGAN

Guide to Campus Eateries: Part 2 Le Zat Price: $7-8 Sandwich: $3.5 Satay Noodle Steamboat House Price: $9-12 While I haven’t had the pleasure of trying Le Zat, I have heard it is pretty fantastic. At $3.5 for a sandwich that looked the same as Station Café’s $5 sandwich they are pretty well priced, but hey, station have a whole building to pay a lease on, whereas Le Zat pays for a hole in a wall…or something.

In an earlier season of Boganology, I outlined some info about Metallica and shared my first concert experience which ended with me feeling like a big tough Bogan, hanging out with members of a biker gang. However, Metallica has also courted controversy - particularly in the second half of their careers, with the latest news being an upcoming project with Lou Reed. For those of us who have circled the sun more often, this is hardly the first time Metallica has done something weird that made us doubt their commitment to the Way of the Bogan.

Kebab Express Kebab: $9 Kebabs Café and Pizza, Victoria St Kebab: $9.5-10.5 I haven’t tried the Kebabs here, I’m sure they’re wonderful. I have tried Kebabs Café and they are damn good. Kebabs here are slightly cheaper than those found in town, but the same theory as above holds.

Gaura Good Food Plate of food: $6.5-9.5

Mustaine out: Kirk Hammett in – Metallica hypocritically kick out Mustaine for overdoing the booze and drugs, while Hetfield continues to live it up. On the upside, this bonehead play results in two awesome bands, with Kirk Hammett continuing Metallica’s reign as Metal legends, while Mustaine adds his own chapter in Metal history with Megadeth.

Vegan Buffet, Ward St Plate of food: $6-10 I’m not even a little bit vegetarian, but I thought the food at Gaura was pretty damn good, last year; I haven’t made it back since, which probably has something to do with my gorgeous little vegetarian friend moving to Wellington.

I’ve also heard that Vegan Buffet is fantastico; I’ll have to make it my mission to

Load/Reload/Thought they were a total load – Metallica cut their hair? The album cover is reportedly a picture of semen and blood?

The video for “Until it Sleeps” looks like a premonition of the movie Twilight? What the fuck is going on?

make it there eventually.

Station Cafe Flat white: $4 Sandwich: $5 Panini: $9/ $12.5 w/salad Metropolis Caffe, Victoria St Flat white: $3.5 Sandwich/lasagne/bagel: $7/ $10 w/salad My earlier judgements of Station Cafe as over-priced and kind of lame still

Napster Bad – Metallica sue many of the fans who made them popular, all for another ivory back scratcher. On the upside, it spawns a series of hilarious Camp Chaos cartoons. Sadly, this was a premonition of the current government’s move to protect intellectual property rights, through a blatant disregard for political procedure.

apply. I honestly love the building and the set-up of the place, with all its little areas. I just can’t help but feel like they are doing it wrong. If they are going to have a cheap cafeteria set-up they should have cheap cafeteria prices, instead of out-pricing almost every other outlet on campus as well as comparable spaces in

Lars the Artist (Lartist?)– Lars tries painting and ends up creating something that looks like a cave painting of a gollywog... that is part of an art collection that sold for at least 10 million pounds.

town. I did choke on laughter when I found that they now have a wee card next to their scones which prompts customers to collect their free butter sachet at the counter though. On ya Station. **Note: I didn’t review Opus because to me it is pretty much the same as Espresso plus and it should be - it’s owned by the same people. I didn’t review Taiwan Wheel Cake because what the crap could I compare it to? Those things are pretty good though. I didn’t review the cafe in the education block because I

Some Kind of Monster – Metallica hire a therapist, and the cry fest begins. Mustaine cries for his little Dutch boy, Hetfield goes to rehab, and Lars finds numerous ways to say the word Fuck at the top of his lungs. Therapist tries to become a band member, fails miserably. The band ends up improving the process behind their music with more band input. Each time I watch that movie I want to listen to St Anger again...and then remember it’s a steaming pile.

didn’t want to, so bite me.

So while Metallica are a great band with a great history, they have courted controversy long before this. So don’t pull an Ulrich, Stay Bogan \m/.

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RANGATAHI IN THE

THE CHAIR LEG OF TRUTH

WITH THE YWRC

WITH CHAIR LEG

WORKPLACE

For those of you who do know: The YWRC aims to empower young people in the workplace so they can gain skills and knowledge that can contribute to their capability

The other day, I was approached by someone who exclaimed that I looked like a yeti. Ignoring the fact that it would be culturally insensitive towards the humble yeti to exclaim so, I took issue with

to maintain positive workplace experiences.

this statement.

The Young Workers’ Resource Centre is a community group created to help young people in the workplace. So if you are having problems at work, have just got a new job, need help with your employment agreement or would like a general up-date on employment legislatyion YWRC can help you.

You see, dear reader, I am trying to grow a beard. Needless to say, it is not going as well as one in the pursuit of being hirsute would hope.

I was informed that endocrine disruptors may be to blame, that a diet consisting largely of milk and soy is slowly turning me into a woman, that I am being unfairly robbed of my right to body and facial hair.

We have a free drop in centre where you can get free employment advice etc. We are also on campus every Wednesday 1-2 either on the village green or at the cow shed. In addition to the drop in centre service we provide education workshops on employment rights and obligations and aim to be a voice for young people in the political arena. So if you have any issues around employment that you would like to raise, let us know and we will help ya.

Considering the look of female Russian Olympians, this hypothesis does not explain my current lack of a beard.

Quick facts • You have the right to take your employment agreement home and read it before you sign it • Your employer cannot retract the offer of employment because you asked to take your employment agreement home or asked for better

Understandably, this is distressing news. I am a traditionalist. Things were better in the old days. In keeping with this philosophy, without a beard, I am nothing. This will not do. I am in dire need of the power a beard conveys. Without a beard, Lincoln could not have freed the slaves. In Return of the Dragon, Chuck Norris was swiftly defeated by

pay and conditions • You can only be put on a fixed term employment agreement if there is a genuine business reason why • A trial period must be in writing

Bruce Lee. No beard was visible upon his manly chin. He sported a beard during his years as Walker, Texas Ranger, and was subsequently able to kick ninjas left and right.

Any more questions please give us a call or come and see us on Wednesday 07 834 7124 kylie@ywrc.org.nz

A beard is a symbol of status. A rite of passage, if you will. Men are taught to shave at the onset of puberty, in preparation of the eventual maintenance of beards and mustaches. The expectation a generation ago is that to be without a beard makes you a “damp-eyed nancy boy.”

Without a beard, I will not be able to swear a Nazirite oath and gain Samson-like strength, or rock as hard as the Kings of Leon once did.

Instead, I am burdened with the shadow of facial hair, bare wisps curling around the line of my jaw. The delicious peach looks upon me with pity, its fuzz thicker than mine. This will not stand, Nexus. So I ask you, trim your beards, if they be thick and long, and bring the clippings to the Nexus office. They will craft a beard to shame Gandalf, and I shall wear it with pride. Give, so that others may grin from behind the warmth of a face-blanket.

No pubes though. That’s gross, and if you do it, I’ll find you, and drill through your kneecaps.

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PWNED: DEUS EX

REVIEWED BY SAM PRESCOTT

Deus Ex is one of the greater greats of the bygone era of gaming – when a game was either an action game with RPG elements or an RPG with action elements. Framed within the context of a first-person shooter, the game throws curveballs at every turn. If you wanted to not fight anyone, it was possible – just find your way around the enemies! If you wanted to kill everything, well, that was possible too.

The skill system lends itself to specialisation, and the choosing of your augmentations is a painstaking process, determining not only the direction of your play through, but the definition of the player itself.

If you have played either of the System Shock games (which I highly recommend), you would feel at home in the futuristic, cyberpunk world of Deus Ex. Set in the near future, 2052, we are thrust into the world of JC Denton, the first of a new wave of augmented soldiers working for UNATCO, the United Nations Anti-Terrorist Coalition. Human augmentation has been legalised and is widespread, with the majority of people having some kind of mechanical augment enhancing their abilities.

JC’s abilities come from nanites, and allow him to change the purpose of his augments “on the fly”, without painful surgery, bringing in to play the inevitable question of mechano-augs vs. nano-augs, elitism and the justification of augmentation of humans. These questions also influence game play, where the mechanics and the story combine so well that you find yourself drawn into role-playing the character you choose.

The choice of augmentations and skill points are a critical and influential part of the game, regardless of the way you play it. Skill points are doled out at the start of the game, and determine your ability to handle obstacles in the environment, for example, locks, and your ability to handle weaponry. This dichotomy shows a conscious choice by the game developers – since skill points are a limited resource, more of which can only be gained by the completion of ingame objectives, we must choose. The choices you make drastically alter the way the game is played – certain ways of playing become open to you and others become worthless or downright stupid. The augmentation system does the same thing – a given augmentation canister will contain two augments for the same “slot”, for example, the choice between increased melee strength and the ability to move large objects. I spent about 15 minutes choosing between these two, and the later augments only get harder. Combat is directed by the choices you make, and even the boss fights can be taken out using stealth or completely avoided.

Interaction in the game is based upon lists of choices – if I talk to a given NPC, you can choose how to react to their comments. This gives even more differentiation to anyone’s specific JC – I could be an asshole one day and a moral saint another. Side quests give more depth to the narrative and in some cases change the events of the main story: The conversations triggered this way, and those with important NPCs can influence the direction of the narrative and have the same format of decision making as the augments and skill points – if you make a decision at certain points of the game, it is going to be difficult to change it later on. A criticism, though, is that upon talking to non-

essential NPCs multiple times, you get the same line of conversation and the same lines to reply as any other time you talk to them Oblivion Syndrome.

Whilst the graphics never make a game, this game was never impressive even at the time – the environments are obviously brush based BSPs and there are too many hard edges, the models are blocky and the textures are blurry at worst and okay at best; but I implore you to play this game to the end, especially if you’re looking for a great narrative full of dark, brooding suspense and conspiracy, built on-top of a riveting game system that emphasises choice and consequence. A good addition to any gamer’s library.

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THE REALM OF INFINITE CHAOS

PRESENTED BY MARK 1 COMICS AND GAMES 551 VICTORIA ST.

AND COMICS WITH MATTHEW HENDERSON BATMAN & ROBIN VOL. 1: BATMAN REBORN HARD COVER $49.90 TRADE PAPERBACK $29.90

Grant Morrison, Grant Morrison, Grant Morrison…Oh how I love/ hate thee.

I love thee for co-writing one of my favourite comics of all time - the Flash #134 “Still Life in the Fast Lane” – and making me care about a character I previously hadn’t given a toss about (Jay Garrick).

I hate thee for writing one of the most tripped out, incomprehensible issues I’ve ever read (Batman #666) – a product of those psychedelic drugs you profess to love so much. I love that pretty much every odd numbered issue of every title I’ve followed you on (and there have been a few) has been absolutely brilliant. I hate that pretty much every even numbered issue has been extreme crappage.

I love the fact that All Star Superman reminded us all how cool Superman could be and cut right to the very essence of who the character is. I hated that you had Batman kill Darkseid with-a-gun in Final Crisis –going against everything the character has stood for since the 1960s. I don’t so much hate, as scratch my head at your claims to have worked magick through comic books and stated aim to use said power to establish the DC universe as a living entity (No wonder you and Alan Moore get on so well).

Yup. I’m going to out myself here as a Morrison denier. Despite the wide acclaim he’s had from fans and comic book professionals alike, as you can see from the above I’ve always been a bit conflicted about the Scottish druggie magus. I didn’t love the Batman R.I.P storyline that preceded the Batman & Robin title, and wasn’t expecting much, but I am not afraid to say that I was wronger than Mr Wrongtastic and the League of Wrongness!

to teach him. The tension between the two as they develop their partnership provides some of the story’s greatest highlights.

I wouldn’t be surprised if GM’s whole purpose in ‘killing’ Bruce Wayne off was to enable him to tell this story. In the aftermath of said death,

Art-wise - I’m completely convinced that Frank Quitely is a mutant freak with concave areas where his buttocks should be. Why? Because

former Robin/Nightwing, Dick Grayson, teams up with Bruce Wayne’s son Damien (born to R’as Al Ghul’s daughter Talia) as the new Batman and Robin. This new pairing allows Morrison to play with relationship dynamics that would never work in a traditional bat-book. Over time, Bruce Wayne has been made almost infallible by successive writers and his Robins have all come to him already in awe of the Batman persona. The relationship has always been depicted as father/son, or student/pupil and this has limited the range of story telling options to an extent.

he totally draws his @$$ off on this title! Although still recognisably the same artist that brought us the sublime ‘All Star Superman’, he adapts to the bat-world by using a darker, more highly rendered approach than the simple bold lines he’s usually associated with.

Although Dick has years of experience, he is still subject to self doubt and makes mistakes. Damien, having been raised among Ra’s Al Ghul’s League of Assassins comes to the party with an already developed arsenal of lethal fighting skills and under developed sense of morality. The two relate more as older/younger brothers in many regards. Dick is wary of Damien’s lack of a strong moral compass and unused to acting in the mentor role. Damien is a typical know-itall teenager on steroids and doesn’t feel that Grayson has anything 36

I came to the title with low expectations and ambivalence but was completely won over within a matter of pages. Make no mistake, it is the All Star Superman Grant Morrison on display here and this is a work that deserves similar acclaim (though for very different reasons).

Read it.

Recommended for: • Morrison/Quitely Fan boys • People who think that they don’t like Grant Morrison* • Batman fans (or any fan of superhero comics, actually) * no magick rituals or hallucinogenic drugs necessary to enjoy this title.

KEVIN PRYOR GOES DOWN ON BOOKS

CULT MAGAZINES: A TO Z – BY EARL KEMP & LUIS ORTIZ If you think back to your grandparent’s generation, between the 1940s and 60s, most people will figure it was a dull time. New Zealand was all about rugby, racing and beer. But it wasn’t only New Zealand; the Western world was a conformist place, where the nuclear family reigned supreme.

Getting married young and spawning children was the sum total of most people’s ambition.

Or was it? Perhaps there was a seething underbelly of vice and dissent, that lurked underneath the facade of Christian family values. ‘Cult Magazines: A Compendium of Culturally Obsessive and Curiously Expressive Publications,’ bears witness

hold of just for the glorious cover art. Hundreds of full colour illustrations showcase the lurid, perverse and the just plan weird. Put your imaginative hat on for a while and picture the covers to such publications as, ‘Black Silk Stockings,’ ‘Psychotronic,’ ‘bOING bOING,’ ‘Doctor Death,’ ‘Flying Saucers from Other Worlds,’ ‘Terror Tales,’ ‘Fear!’ ‘The Nudist,’ ‘Spicy Stories,’ Shock and Mystery

to this. Covering the period from 1925 to 1990, the secret obsessions of the age are collected and displayed. As a precursor to the digital era, thousands of specialised magazines catered for every fad, taste, and fetish that you can imagine.

The underground nature of these publications are revealed by the titles; ‘Hush-Hush,’ ‘Confidential,’ Whisper,’ ‘Suppressed.’

Tales,’ ‘Monster Times’ and well, you get the idea. Most of these are original paintings too, not photographs, so it’s a stunning collection of modern art.

If you can’t be stuffed reading the interesting background text to the mags, it’s worth getting a

So based on this criteria, will a Cult Magazines A-Z, Volume II, contain Waikato’s very own Nexus? The answer must surely be yes.

So what exactly constitutes a ‘cult’ or ‘underground’ magazine? Basically anything that was considered too ‘outre’ for mainstream Christian America. This included anything to do with sex (obviously), but also horror, science-fiction, nudity, left-wing politics, feminism, celebrity slander, muck-rucking, gratuitous violence, homosexuality, bondage, and pretty much anything that was interesting or cool.

Bennetts’ Building a Better Bookstore” Competition!

Bennetts want to know what YOU, the students of Waikato, want to see in YOUR bookstore!

Do you want to see more fiction books? Is your passion for autobiographies not being met? Is your hunger for cooking books growing too great? Do want more range in art supplies?

Now is your chance to get your voice heard!

Get in store today and put your suggestions into the Bennetts s uggestion box and you can be in with a chance to win a $30 prezzie card! Make sure your in quick – entries close on the 7th of October and winners are announced on the 10th!

Remember: be in to win!

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PRESENTS

WEEKEND WARRIORS

CRUSHINGTON - FLOW BAR, HAMILTON - 10TH SEPT

ALL PHOTOS BY SHANNON ROLFE - SHANNONROLFE.COM

There’s even more To see each week on...

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