issue 22

Issue 22 路 25 September 2006

Nexus has a night on the town 路 WSU Election Results

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

YOUR VOICE

Bernard 1. Don’t really have one. Outslack? I’d say the Hilly, but it’s gone.

2. “Hi, my name’s Bernard”?

3. Last Thursday wasn’t bad. Me and 10 of my mates dancing like retards at the Outback..

4. Extend the hours, make it more like Home bar was. More cheap drinks and sleazy promotions. Bring back the big O Week features.

5. A good time, pretty much.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Favourite bar?

Favourite pickup line?

What’s been your best night out this year and why?

If you were the boss of Don Llewellyn’s, what activities or deals would you instigate?

Bars + alcohol + the opposite sex = ?

Leanne 1. All of them.

2. Don’t really remember any.

3. St Paddy’s Day, cos it was my flatmate’s birthday as well.

4. I’d bring back $2.50 Thursdays, and get bands and stuff in.

5. Sex.

Abdergoder and Mustafa 1. A: Sekure and the Loft.

M: The Loft, Bahama Hut, Monkeyfeather..

2. M. Depends on the situation. If she stood on my foot I could say hello and start talking.

A: I’d just be friendly.

3. M: My birthday was really good.

Everyone was congratulating me, saying happy birthday. A: Orientation day at the beginning of the year was great. We went to the Hilly.

4. M: Singles nights! (A agrees). M: And cheap drinks, with ‘girl’s specials’ so you can ask a girl to get you a drink – that works for the pickup line question as well.

5. M and A: Happiness, and fun.

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

Jo 1. That’s a bit of a battle. Bahama Hut and the Outback, I guess. And the Don’s gets a look in.

2. You just get wasted and start dancing with them.

3. Probably Easter Sunday. We expected everything to close at 12 but then had a great time in Axces which stayed open.

4. Yeah, $2.50 Thursdays. Maybe another Fear Factor series.

5. Chaos.

By Dawn

Chloe 1. Tokyo in Hamilton!

2. ‘Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?’

3. The Great Race Ball was pretty cool.

Lots of free alcohol, and looking at all the people dressed up and the masks.

4. Make it a bit more modern. Move it closer to town, if that was possible.

5. A good time

Pictures of drunk dudes who got totally owned. LOLLERSKATES!

Two married women who had been friends for years, decided to go for a Girls Only Night Out, and were decidedly over-enthusiastic on the martinis.

Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to use the bathroom. They were very near a cemetery and getting very desperate so one of them suggested they go behind a headstone.

The first woman had nothing to dry herself with so she thought she’d take off her panties, use them, then throw them away.

Her friend, however, was wearing rather expensive underwear and didn’t want to ruin hers, but was lucky to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves. She dried herself with the ribbon.

After finishing, they then made off for home.

The next day, the first woman’s husband phoned the other husband and said, “This girls’ night out thing has got to stop right now. My wife came home last night without her panties.”

“That’s nothing.” said the other husband, “Mine came home with a card stuck to her ass that said, “FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION; WE’LL NEVER FORGET YOU.” Contributed by Gary Oliver who wins some Coke prizes and a blow job!*

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

* Sorry, just kidding.

PARTIES

Party Review

By Skot and JR

750 drinks + 5 Hours x 60 people = a whole lot of fun!!

Yet again JR and myself got ourselves into another 21st. There’s nothing that really compares to reviewing a party with excessive amounts of free piss. The only drawback to these types of parties is trying to remember all the events that unfolded in their respective order.

There are, however, some events of the night that just can’t be forgotten.

One such moment happened as JR and myself arrived at the party. As we approached the address, we came across what we thought was someone attempting a burnout in the driveway. Despite it being early in the afternoon it seemed like the driver was having fun. Upon closer inspection however we noticed that the driver of the car had got himself stuck on top of a knee high fence post and was trying to get “un-stuck”. Once we had all finished laughing, we attempted to help the driver by sawing the fence post out from under the car. As to the unsolved mystery of how the car got onto the post, the driver Ricky who referred to himself in the third person was quoted as saying, ” freedom 35”.

The other most rememberable event that took place involved JR, a couple of girls, and a white corolla station wagon with a gearstick that doesn’t work in 5th any more (I’ll let you all draw your conclusions on this one).

The night continued on with lots of drinking and laughs about the car stories of the night. At one point there were speeches and a mean as chocolate cake. At another point there was dancing, and fighting. I’m not sure if the two were simultaneous or not, but it really is irrelevant as a good night was had by all.

Top three quotes

What does B.O.C stand for anyway? I heard it stood for (more) Bitches On Campus, mean! I hope they come to these keg parties I keep hearing about!

If I’m not back in five minutes... wait longer!

Party Rating: 8/10

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

My sister’s having her 13th birthday party this weekend, can you and Uncle Jim review it for her?

Txt me anytime (after 7am) 0274 279319 and JR and myself will review your party.

5

CREDITS EDITOR

Dawn “Hippy” Tuffery nexus@waikato.ac.nz DESIGNER

Matt “Art Fag” Scheurich graphics@nexus.npl.co.nz DESIGN ASSISTANT

Ben Thomson ADVERTISING MANAGER

Tony “Ladies’ Man” Arkell

CONTENTS

NEWS EDITOR

Joshua “Gutter Snipe” Drummond news@nexus-npl.co.nz

FEATURES

16 25 26

admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz 021 17 66 180

The Great Annual Nexus Bar Review Interview: Infinite Flying Kick Gig Review: Area 07 CD Release

MUSIC EDITOR

M. Emery htownslut@gmail.com BOOKS EDITOR

Michelle Coursey NEWS

8-13 WSU Election Results Fees and Budgets Hockey and Family Planning Blacktooth 2005 Loan Accrual lowest since ’99 Bad NZUSA Bill for Students Miss Outback: Behind the Scenes...

Nexus Haiku News

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

REGULARS AND OTHER NONSENSE

6

FEATURE

Joshua Drummond, Special K and Vitamin C. COVER ART

Josh and Matt CONTRIBUTORS THIS ISSUE:

Andrew Neal, Mazzy, Nick Elliot, Boulanger, Skot, Matt, Evelyn Millar, Brie Jessen, Burton C. Bogan, Leigh McGeady, The Panther, Chuck and Benjo, Special K and Vitamin C, Nick Chester, M. Emery, Gary Oliver, Hazazel, Kazuma Namioka, Joe Citizen, Josh Drummond, ASPA, WSU.

03 I’ve got 5 on it

36 Split Decision

05 Party Review

37 Boganology 101

07 Editorial

37 Classic Rock Review

14 Lettuce

38 Uncle Jim

24 Gig Guide

39 Comics

26 Poetree

41 Food

Only cool kids visit

27 WSU columns

42 Citric

www.nexusmag.co.nz

33 Chuck and Benjo

43 DVDs

and sign up to the forums.

33 Femme Fatale

44 Books

34 Killing Time

45 Films

34 Magic 8 Ball

45 Rialto Check

35 Word Freak

46 Muscle Man’s Tips

35 Rage in a Cage

46 Average Joe’s Gym

36 Engine Talk

47 Busted

Nexus: Going to town on campus since the ‘60s.

(You want to be cool, right?)

The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus Publications 2003 Ltd, any of our advertisers, WSU or APN Media.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

SECTION TITLE

Editorial

By Dawn

Everyone’s a winner, baby It’s 2.35 on Thursday and things in the WSU are super edgy. Sehai’s Puzzle Bobble action has a tense, violent quality. We have a few focussed bouts, the balls falling like so many hopeful candidates.

Lips are tight and rumours are rife. The official election results will be in soon. My anticipation is mainly professional, as I’m waiting to lay up the damn page.

‘Hey Kirsty,’ I call as she walks past. ‘Have you got those–’ ‘NO’.

Guess someone already asked her that.

4.23. Still no results in. Jessica and I stroll to the water cooler and narrowly miss getting a ball through our skulls. Elmo and Sehai are playing throwing games with rather a lot more force than it demands. People huddle in jittery groups. A exec member comments on our forum that “everyone at the WSU is behaving like a four year old on Christmas day, waiting for the results - did any grown up stand for a position this year?”.

The foreboding atmosphere frightens me back to the safety and chocolate of my office.

Screw this hanging around. I’m just going to go ahead and guess the results early.

Snigger. No, I must concentrate and focus on those psychic powers.

Despite these excellent voter numbers, it was then found that all three presidential candidates and Mr ‘No Confidence’ had an exactly equal number of votes - 3032. This bizarre outcome forced a loaded Puzzle Bobble play-off as a tie-breaker. No Confidence stood down on principle, and the fact that he wasn’t a tangible individual. Although it was a close thing, Sehai Orgad’s recent preparation at the game stood her in good stead and she eventually won through with a two game to one majority.

Speaking afterwards, Orgad said it had been a campaign of two halves but she’d found some satisfactory go-forward and come away with the right result. ‘I’d particularly like to congratulate my opponents on a hard-fought Bobble-off – if Carl’s red ball had been accurately fired in that last round, you never know what might have happened.’

Then in a shock twist, the famous and fictitious Cat Piano was deemed by scrutineers to have won the VP position by coming second in Nexus’ ‘favourite president?’ poll online. The five actual VP candidates immediately launched a complaint about the process, saying the use of bare pussies to attract votes was offensive and simply unacceptable. This will be considered by legal council over the next two weeks.

There was only one candidate for Finance Officer, but he somehow managed to get beaten by the ubiquitous ‘Pedro’, whose chalk campaign gathered momentum in the later stages of the week. Pedro was not listed on the official voting form, and has not actually ever been seen by anyone, but over 5000 people wrote his name on there in red pen and circled it. ‘We just can’t argue with that kind of majority,’ said Returning Officer Mark– Oh. Right. Actual results finally come in (5.06pm). Way to spoil my fun.

Check them out in Nexus and on the noticeboards. Good on the 7-8% of people who got round to voting – it’s still a miserable minority, really, but seems to be growing over the last few years.

Now that’s all over, I can get back to designing my ideal bar. Big comfortable couches, big enough to fit 5 people without awkward crowding. There would be a stage and a good sound system, to be utilised for anything from gigs to quiz nights. The latter would have a varied, challenging selection of questions, without too many on who scored what try in what match in 1957. The former would be frequent, and creatively lit for optimum filmic and photographic possibilities, Hell, let’s install some tripods and cranes and cameras and whatnot too. There’ll be a nice big screen for films and music video festivals. Table tennis.

Old arcade games. A selection of really good food – healthy and unhealthy. All the usual drink options plus interesting non-alcoholic cocktails.

It’s gonna be great…

NEXUS QUOTES “Girls like having it inside them” – Matt “I like brown poo” – Mo

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

WSU Election Results Bring Surprise And Heartache

A record turnout at the polls saw over 12,000 people vote in the WSU Executive elections this week, with all current members exercising their democratic rights.

WSU Exec Election Results Orgad Back For More

By Josh Drummond

The results of the 2006 Waikato Students Union Executive elections are in, and have seen Sehai Orgad return for another year as President.

contested, with five candidates vying for the spot. Incumbent VP Carl Gordon lost out with 137 votes to newcomer Moira Neho, who garnered a tidy 333 votes. Current GLBT officer Megan Moffet collected the second most votes with 192. M Dalton of the Beers/ Bods On Campus group and Kahu Nikora

946 votes were cast in total – roughly 7.5 per cent of the total student body, and an improvement on the 2005 election where only 745 people voted. Orgad returned to the presidency with 604 votes, ahead of hopefuls Carl Bishop and Kahu Nikora who collected 220 and 91 votes respectively.

were also-rans for the VP position, collecting 133 and 75 votes respectively.

Orgad said she was “stoked” to return to the Presidential position, and promised to deliver on her election guarantee to “continue the revolution.”

“You like me, you really like me! I am overwhelmed by the amount of support that I have received during this election, If anything, this election has proved that students do care about who represents them and I am proud to be elected along with a range of people who have a diverse skill set that can only enhance service to students,”

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

Orgad said.

“This election was exciting, nerve wrecking and most of all satisfying! Thank you to all who supported me, from wearing t-shirts, to helping me chalk up a storm on campus, put up posters and hand out pamphlets every day for the last two weeks! I want to thank all of those who stood for all positions. It’s heartening to know that student politics and robust debate is alive and well in the student community.”

No other candidates could be contacted by Nexus prior to deadline.

The Vice-presidential position was hotly

Other changes to the current Executive include the loss of Renee Rewi, who was replaced as Maori Students’ Officer by Tatiana Hohepa and Elaine Kameta.

Glen Delamere beat out BOC candidate Jason Lum for the Sports and Recreation Officer position. Ana Moriarty, who stood for Women’s Rights Officer, and J Greenless, who ran for Finance Officer, were the only members Beers On Campus group to win places on the executive. Both stood unopposed, but managed to pick up 229 and 206 no-confidence votes respectively.

Sehai Orgad said that the stronger-thanin-the-past election turnout showed that students were slowly beginning to show an interest in where their $85 WSU levy went

WSU Elections 2006 President Bishop

Votes

Nikora Schoenberger-Orgad No Confidence

220 91 604 31

Vice Pres

Dalton Gordon Moffet Neho Nikora No Confidence

133 137 192 333 75 41

Finance

Greenless No Confidence

632 206

Maori

Hohepa&Kameta Rewi No Confidence

407 249 188

Mature

King & Mackay Malcolm-Buchanan No Confidence

286 371 174

Sport

Delamere Lum No Confidence

467 242 135

Women

Moriarty No Confidence

603 229

Disabled

Hawkes No Confidence

694 149

each year, but she added that she would like to see many more students voting.

“The student body has come out in force by voting, participating in debate, and making the decision of who should represent them and what they want to see happen for the future of the student union and the student experience on this campus as a whole,” she said.

Smith Strong No Confidence

364 227 161 114

Tauranga

McKenna No Confidence

610 210

“I am still a little disappointed in the voter turnout, even though we improved on the numbers from last year, I absolutely believe that we can increase this turnout for future elections.”

Environment Dimmendaal&Taylor

Campaigns Beattie

Kerr No Confidence

539 243 82

Education

Delaney&Taukamo No Confidence

659 179

Total votes cast

946

Students Get Input Sex And To Budget And Fees Hockey Do Mix

By Andrew Neal

By Andrew Neal

It’s budget time again for the University and this year things are looking a bit stressful with changes to Government tertiary funding policy, declining student rolls and new capital developments.

This week the Waikato Men’s hockey team will be defending their title at the New Zealand Men’s hockey tournament in Palmerston North. The team has secured sponsorship from the Family Planning Association, who are keen to spread the word that males can also visit them.

University budgets and fees are often set without any consultation with a university’s reason for being – the students. This year, this will change, with a special open forum between the Waikato University Vice-Chancellor, Roy Crawford, and students at the Banks on Wednesday the 27th during cultural hour.

According to the Vice-Chancellor’s address to students in last week’s Nexus, “in order to stay competitive, we must create a surplus each year to invest back into the institution”. Students are encouraged to come along and have a say, and to make sure they know how the University is spending its money.

A meeting is also being held in October with the University Council to make final decisions on spending, and the Student Union has been holding meetings to ensure the student voice is heard when it comes time for final decisions.

Another important issue for students around this time of year is fee setting.

Current WSU president Sehai Orgad states that “one of the predominant ways that the University makes its money is through the fees students pay for their courses. With a declining student roll it is entirely possible that the University will receive less revenue.”

The slogan the men of the team are wearing this year is ‘Family Planning, Not just for the girls.’ This message is to encourage men to talk and think about their roles and responsibilities in keeping themselves and their partners sexually safe. “There is a natural link for us between the positive impacts of sport and healthy relationships– e.g. teamwork, decision making, and looking after yourself and others.” Bird says of the connection between sport and sexual health.

If you’re down in Palmy this week give the boys from the Waikato a cheer, especially the members from Uni. And remember, guys, always wrap it before ya slap it and that it’s okay for guys to see the FPA.

By Pete Dawson

Black Tooth, Hamilton’s quintessential heavy metallers, took out the

pure brilliance, “Bog man Matt Olly and Kane have the intricate timing of

first round of the World Battle of the Bands at Axcess bar last Friday. The

a synchronised dogfight” and they certainly lived up to the hype. Hopefully

talented 4 piece carved up the crowd with a supercharged performance

you got along to Axcess on Friday the 22nd of September for the Waikato

with more energy than an angry sting-ray having an exchange with a

BOP regional final to see the mojo in action. Keep an eye on these guys,

certain khaki-clad croc lover. Competition was tight but Black Tooth gave

they are gonna be huge. Good luck for the finals. I’ll be the guy in the

no quarter, establishing themselves as one of New Zealand’s premiere

purple spotted shirt shimmying amongst the shiny scalps. Fuck yeah!

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

Black Tooth Do Good

“FPA got involved with sponsoring the team last year, and we were delighted they won,” said Frances Bird, the Director of Health Promotion and Professional Development at FPA New Zealand.

The Family Planning association says that their services are being used more and more by men and that the sponsorship will help send the message for males to look after their sexual health.

unsigned metal acts. A recent article in NME quoted the four piece as

Inland Revenue: 2005 Loan Accrual The Lowest Since ‘99

NZUSA: Bill Bad For Students

By Chris Leggett

By Matthew Pritchard

The recent Inland Revenue student loan scheme annual report for the 2004/05 academic year has shown that student borrowing has decreased for the first time since 1998/99.

Students borrowed $975 million in 2004/05, down from $997m the previous year. Inland Revenue’s report summary puts this down to declining Equivalent Full Time Students (EFTS) numbers, and increasing part-time student enrolments. The report says of parttime students: “they have lower entitlements under the scheme, face lower fees and are more inclined to finance their studies from other sources.”

National Party education spokesperson Bill English is quick to point out that the decrease in student borrowing began “before the interest free policy came in” and suggests another factor is that people are no longer rushing straight to university from high school. “We’ve got people thinking pretty hard about whether the investment is worthwhile, and they go out and earn money.

I think we should respect that decision.”

to students has decreased. The amount that has been borrowed has been pretty stable over the last couple of years. The decrease however is quite small; it’s less than one per cent overall. We think there’s been a small increase in the amount borrowed and we think in future there will be an increase in the total amount borrowed.”

Ms. Matthews says the Ministry has allowed for an anticipated increase in the total amount borrowed in future, due largely to the increase in part-time students as noted in the report. “We expect the trend of more money borrowed to continue; more people borrowing, not necessarily more people borrowing more.”

Among other key findings outlined in the 2004/05 report are that Inland Revenue expects total annual repayments to exceed total annual drawdowns by 2016, and that the level of student loan repayments continues to increase. In 2004, 157,032 students borrowed under the student loan scheme.

that the decrease is nominal and it is too early to determine what this means. “That total amount of money that has been loaned

off completely to a total of $2,827m. The median student loan balance currently sits at $10,404.

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

Marina Matthews, a spokesperson for the Minister of Education Michael Cullen, says

To date, 680,000 people have used the scheme since it was introduced in 1992.

Of these, 173,168 loans have been paid

10

The Employment Relations (Probationary Employment) Amendment bill will be detrimental to students, according to a National Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA) verbal submission to the Transport and Industrial Relations select committee made just over a week ago.

The bill allows for a “probationary period” of 90 days, throughout which personal grievance procedures will not apply for new workers.

NZUSA Co-President Joey Randall says the the bill will negatively affect students, as many seek employment over the three month summer period.

Sue Maroney, a Labour MP, asked Co-President Conor Roberts at the select committee hearing if he thought that this legislation would provide a disincentive, for university lecturers to change institutions. Roberts admits that he had not thought about that angle, but this was another compelling reason not to adopt this legislation.

However National MP Wayne Mapp, who is sponsoring the bill, says that issue could be counteracted during contract negotiations. He says the probationary period is not compulsory and must be agreed to by both parties.

Roberts is sceptical that university administrators would simply allow it to be negotiated out of the contract.

Several amendments to the bill are currently being considered, such as making the probationary period only 30 days for short term contracts, such as what students would be on over the summer break, and ensuring that employee rights are protected.

Sword Of Damocles Poised To Strike 60 Auckland Academics

By Richard Bol (Craccum) The University of Auckland administration confirmed last week that it was seeking to cut approximately 60 academic posts, with positions in the faculties of Arts, Business and Economics, and Education facing the guillotine. The cuts are due to take effect in early 2007. The University administration stated that the redundancies are “necessary to meet a financial shortfall caused by a decline in student numbers in particular departments.” The President of the Auckland branch of the Association of University Staff (AUS), Peter Wills, blamed a lack of long-term planning by the University administration, and the drop in income to the university caused by the recent dramatic fall in numbers of international students.

Wills argued that the move was the latest stage of a long-term cost-cutting exercise, there having been “historic pressure” to shed staff in both the Fine Arts and Music faculties. Craccum was informed by Wills that 12 positions in Arts are now headed for oblivion. Facing extinction in Arts, amongst others, are six academic posts in English, and the entire Russian department (four positions). The incorporation of the institution formerly known as Auckland College of Education (ACE) into Auckland University has resulted in the Administration aiming at cull roughly 20 staff in the Faculty of Education.

Unitec Students Vote for a Compulsory Union

By Megan McKechnie Unitec students have voted in favour of a compulsory student association in the Unitec Student Union (USU) membership referendum, after being voluntary for seven years.

Unitec students will now automatically become members of the association when they enrol at Unitec. Fifty-five per cent of students voted in favour of the change.

The USU has been a voluntary association since 1999 after the Voluntary Membership Bill was introduced by National politician, Tony Steel. The Bill was designed to give students the option to choose voluntary or compulsory membership.

USU president Robert Freeth says collecting student membership automatically is simply more efficient. “It makes sense to us that our resources are going into more services and not administration.

“I’m obviously stoked with the results as it’s a big win for students.

Students have placed a lot of faith in the USU and now we need to make sure that show of confidence is respected. The only way to do that is by delivering on what we promised and work really hard,” says Freeth.

Under a compulsory membership structure the USU has committed to several new directions “particularly in terms of us prioritising quality of education and Student Job Search.

Social activities, sports and clubs will also be increased but the main point is that we are focusing on what students want,” he says.

Freeth says although students initially become members when they enrol they can still opt out of membership of the USU. “We are not going to make anybody do anything they don’t want to do.”

According to Wills, the University administration has not followed a process of planning “which holds together a university in which the disciplines are integrated on the basis of sound intellectual foundation.” AUS questioned whether certain areas of spending by the university administration were “appropriate expenditures”, citing the University’s $75 million contribution to the new business school, the costs of the University’s advertising, as well as the proliferation of administrative positions – to “what they call ‘The Centre’.”

Funding was going to these sections, Wills said, rather than to staff, research and teaching.

However, a University administration spokesperson stated that the overwhelming majority of students “will not be affected by proposed changes”, and that “the interests of students already enrolled in courses which may be affected are being taken into account.” The Administration also declared that “staff in the faculties concerned are being consulted as part of a careful step-by-step process and no final decisions have been made.”

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

AUSA Education Vice-President Xavier Goldie echoed Wills’s disquiet, saying that “the University needs to give assurances that these redundancies are the last resort, and that they will not have adverse effects on the delivery of programmes to students.” Goldie affirmed that AUSA was concerned “that there seems to be a lack of strategy about the loss of academic positions” and also worried about “the effects of the redundancies on quality and the delivery of learning.”

11

NEWS

Miss Outback Behind the Scenes Ever wanted to know what it’s like to be a beauty pageant contestant? Tui McGhee weighs in with an insider’s look at the Miss Outback competition.

So it’s a Thursday night and I’m sitting in the back bar at the Outback with my dear friend Jenna, wondering why we entered this competition. I’m reminded of the $50 bar tab - oh yeah, sweet. Anyway... 9pm, back room, free cruisers, and the scope on the other contestants.

Personalities ranged from here to China among the girls. Kelsey had a slight obsession with Rock Star: Supernova – which led to her having the final played on the back room big screen. And for those of you who don’t know; Pipi won. Another girl – let’s call her Fiona (yeah, I forgot her name) - wanted to show that body size isn’t what beauty is all about and flaunted all there is to love about herself. 2 gold stars for morals! One of the many blonde girls looked really nervous and didn’t say a whole lot. A few girls sat and glared at everyone else. They didn’t smile and applied make up every 20 seconds.

Take a chill pill, it’s not the most important thing you will do in your lifetime!

As for the other girls, they laughed, danced and smiled the night away, they should have been in the top 5.

A high percent of the girls wore silicon slip in pouches (fake boobs), under their bikinis. I’m proud to say mine were 100 percent real. (Sorry to Pipi who accidentally saw my nips in the bathroom mirror... and I don’t mean my foreign exchange students.)

On stage, confidence in each girl differed. Some who knew how to strut their stuff in a tasteful manner and did so, and others just looked like they were competing for ‘Miss Hunchback of Notre Outback’. Sadly for the crowd, no one flashed any censored parts (Isn’t that all the guys go there for?) However it would have been funny to see fake boobs drop to the floor. …I would have laughed.

From my personal experience, spending hours with the contestants and

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

actually walking the catwalk, I can tell anyone who wants to know exactly what Miss Outback is; 4 hours of free cruisers, 2 minutes of fame, 208 sleazy guys yelling stuff at you, and one girl slapping your ass. (Thanks Alex).

12

NEWS

No-one trivialises important world events by putting them in 17-syllable poems like Nexus!* Relief for locked-out supermarket workers

California sues carmakers over

Thai coup leader to install

Striking union workers

global warming

new PM in two weeks

Get their wish

“Hey,” said Cali, “now we’ve won,

Military coup’s aim and scope:

Five bucks an hour, with weekly fish.

We can get together,

Government - yes;

And sue the sun!”

Democracy – nope.

Corrections Department

Space shuttle cleared for landing

Canada may protest US treatment

Of course it’s working

By “clear” they mean

of tortured man

It’s the dole, except you

“Might not explode”

“Uh, US, hey buddy, ‘scuse?

Don’t have to look for work.

Shuttles’ past record well does not bode.

That Canuck you tortured?

US still lacks understanding of

Israeli troops out of Lebanon by weekend

al Qaeda, lawmakers say

Israeli’s leave a parting shot:

Clark hints at more revelations on Brethren

Bin Laden to America:

“We’ll surely be back

By now it’s clear, the Brethren

“All I want is

Like it or not.”

Like National, hate Labour

Home detention working, says

We don’t approve.”

to be understood!”

For some reason.

*This is actually true. We’ve looked, and no-one else in the world, as far as we can tell, puts news into an incorrect 17-syllable semi-haiku form. We’ve no idea why.

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

13

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Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page – serious or otherwise. Letters should be no more than 250 words and received by 5pm on the Tuesday before publication. All letters will generally be printed so give it a bash, but the editor retains the right to abridge or refuse correspondence.

Bad spelling and grammar will not be corrected. Pseudonyms are acceptable but all letters must include your real name and contact details even if you don’t want them printed (and they won’t be printed!). We discourage the use of pseudonyms for serious letters.

Letter of the Week Don’t diss the Coke mural Dear Ungrateful Sods The coke mural is great. People pay good money for acid so they can see things like that when they look at a bottle of coke. The bright, swirling colors...it’s wonderful! And yeah it’s advertising coke but 1. What isn’t these days? and 2. The fact you know what they’re trying to do makes it less effective so you win anyway. The way I see it, they have painted a nice bright and colorful mural over what was a boring wall. It makes the place nicer so sit down, stare and it, pretend you’re on acid and stop complaining -Person who really likes the mural.

Shootout shot down I am very disappointed to learn of the cancellation of The Shootout 24 hour Film Competition due to vital funding being pulled by the Hamilton City Council.

It is a unique and energetic event, run in several cities annually worldwide. The fun and challenging event encourages people of all ages and skill levels to try their hand at an industry blossoming in New Zealand. I guess it just didn’t have enough horsepower for the Council.

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

Ross MacLeod

You got his car, leave the bike alone Next time, please keep your eyes open. I don’t want to be hit front-on again when I’m waiting at an intersection when you’re turning right into it. My bike wheel’s all bent now and my shin still hurts.

Regards,

break into my car in Gate 1 on MOnday. get a job and stop fucking people off and find something better to do with your time you cunt. and to anyone who saw this atrocious damage happening to my laserbeam please help so i can kick their teeth in.

Cheers Have a lovely day

sure that members of Te Whakahiapo are adult enough to take into consideration who have been recommended, and can decide for themselves who they vote for.

Response to Tim (2)

show that any support is DESERVED.

Tim. Nick M tells me you’re on the WESMO team.

Guess you know what you’re talking about. On a side note, fuck you. Can’t be fucked arguing.

My mate has a starlet which I helped him put a rotary in, all the time telling him it was a lame idea.

The motor was just a 13b out of a wrecked batmo.

When we got it running, it sounded too rough (was running sweet but didn’t have a nice throb) though was only idling at just under one and half grand. I told him to turn the idle down to about six hundred, and when we did that, we got a crisp throb.

So, whatever dude. I’m only talking from my own experience.

And unplugging one of the HT’s off a spark plug is fucking stupid. Running on three doesn’t sound anything like a rotary, to anyone. That’s not even remotely insulting, it’s just stupid.

From Nick Elliott, writer of Engine Talk.

To Renee Rewi, I am writing to say how disappointed I am by your letter in nexus issue 21. As Maori Students’ Office you have stated “ultimately my job is to support all Maori students of Waikato University” yet you have abused your position as MSO to voice your displeasure with Te Whakahiapo! If you have a problem with them for something that has aggrieved you but does not effect all Maori on Campus then I believe that you need to address that with them, and not use your blurb in Nexus as MSO as a forum to vent your anger.

Matt

You got his car too, anyone see it?

Thanks to the fuck who thought it might be fun to

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It appears to me that part of the issue is something to do with who Te Whakahiapo have recommended as candidates to vote for; if this is the case I am

My belief is that being a member of a roopu does not automatically mean you get full electoral support from everyone; you still have to do the mahi and

Disappointed Maori Glen Delamere

Ah, the Hilly I have to say that going out in Hamilton this year has been utter shit. I really feel sorry for the first years this year too. I mean they’re going to remember Don Llewelyns as their first drinking hole rather than the great Hillcrest Tavern.

When does it open? Does anybody know?

The Hilly was a place where students could go to get drunk, without having to be bothered by the wannabes in town throwing fists.

Tommy Stukka

Rage In A Cage Following the same logic, I guess RIAC is implying that firefighters deserve to burn to death and police officers deserve to die protecting the rights of the innocent. I’d like to know if anyone thinks along these lines.

Angus

Christians don’t hate anyone In response to “Really bad eggs” by Rogort T. Tarinbourn: I don’t understand why you are so aggressive towards me. I don’t mind having a mature debate, so please respect my views like I do yours; no insults.

I have not attempted to enforce my views on

LETTUCE anyone. I was merely correcting you on the fact that Christians DON’T HATE ANYONE, although they may disagree with their morals. Moral disagreement occurs even between Secularists.

Homosexuality/ Heterosexuality have nothing to do with love, only sexual preference. The Christian definition of ‘love’ is benevolence and altruism, not attraction. Thus sex/ sexual preference have nothing to do with love, only lust and attraction. I am not homophobic; I have no problem with people being homosexual, James 4: 11 - 12. Neither am I sexist; I said promiscuous women are seductresses, not all women. I respect all humans, regardless of attributes.

You say pre-marital sex is not meaningless but you don’t provide supporting evidence. Although I have some against: it can mess up relationships due to lack of commitment to one another, it can lead to focussing on lust and not love: destroying relationship balance.

To Gazz for “Jesus Christ, Superstar”, I didn’t see the poster but I’m sure it wasn’t for derogatory purposes, only a reference to the phrase completely out of context. I am not affiliated with any Christian group at uni but I apologize for its possible offensiveness. Old Testament (Leviticus) = Old Covenant. The Crusades: Blame the individuals, not the religion.

Craig Shepherd

OPINION ‘Stop your Whinging’?

An Alternative View on Union Membership

By Ben Worth

Article 20, section 2 of the United Nations’ Universal Declaration of Human Rights states that “No one may be compelled to belong to an association.” There are no exceptions made for Student Unions. In fact, “Nothing in this Declaration may be interpreted as implying for any State, group or person any right to engage in any activity

Who lives in Studentville?

By Benny

All students drink excessively, hook up with the many “tappable bitches” on offer and cruise around town causing havoc.

Or so the new C4 show Studentville claims.

The first episode of Studentville focused mainly on the University of Otago’s toga party during O Week.

Apparently, the toga party (as originated from the US) has caught on like wildfire in NZ. There was a lot to be drunk and a lot of fun to be had. A special mention should go to the group of three attractive girls who featured quite prominently thought the run of the episode. These toga-clad girls discussed various pressing issues concerning students at Otago, such as how there’s one guy to every three girls at the toga party and how drunk they are. Girls, I bet your parents are all very proud of you!

Personally, I don’t think this is a fair representation of student life in NZ; the bulk of students at university are there to succeed, generally speaking.

But, like the producers of Studentville have said; it’s not that that stuff isn’t important, it just doesn’t make for great television.

at a crappy job to survive? Not good television.

Watching a couple of students projectile vomit all over each other? Great television!

Students who actually go to lectures to learn?

BORING! A couple of students generally behaving badly? YAY! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like to drink socially with a couple of good friends now and then. But, when you have a show that claims to “show what students are really doing”, and then show images of students making fools of themselves, then I have a problem with that. I’m not ignoring the fact that some students actually do what the show proclaims.

But, it’s a tad rich for C4 to claim that the typical student will party heavily nearly all of the time. Let’s get one thing straight; not every student treats every week of the year as O Week.

But, is this what we want the media to be saying?

That all students are drunkards who don’t know when to stop partying? Who actually lives in Studentville?

And, where’s the show on C4 that paints students in a more positive light and shows those who succeed?

It doesn’t exist.

So let’s see; Watching students slogging through hours of work

After all, it doesn’t make for great television.

or to perform any act aimed at the destruction of any of the rights and freedoms set forth herein” (Article 30). So in a nutshell, Compulsory Student Membership (CSM) is an outright violation of basic human rights. You can take this to a court of law and follow a process and then have your fee donated to charity, but seeing as you don’t get to keep your money it’s not that common.

regardless of how well they perform. If they were confident that they offered great services that students wanted then VSM is not a threat, as membership will keep the union afloat. In the 2000 referendum, 1003 of 1327 voters said ‘yes’ to CSM. The Union had only 124 members, had the 1003 just joined the WSU it wouldn’t have been a problem.

The Unions don’t usually tell you that, choosing to focus on the services they offer instead. And offer services they do, such as Campus Movies, Nexus and Campus Services Ltd. You may also have been lucky enough to get a ‘free’ sausage. Yet from 1996-2000 the services students wanted, the gym for example, did not vanish. So, voluntary membership does not mean the end of services that students chose to use.

The goals of the WSU are decent and well-intended and they should be proud of those services they provide; what they should not be able to do is force those who do not share their goals to join with them and worst of all, pay them for it. Imagine if someone wanted to start an anti-Union association and force all students to pay them a fee. The Union wouldn’t stand for that crap, and rightly so. The challenge to the WSU is to permit Waikato students to choose, making the union’s performance, not a regulation, the reason they are a part of our campus.

Often you will hear pro-CSM people frame the debate as CSM meaning there is a union and VSM meaning there is not. In reality, VSM means only good unions will survive. Currently the WSU is guaranteed thousands of dollars annually,

If you are interested in joining ACT on Campus or want to respond to this article please email aocwaikato@gmail.com

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

Waikato became New Zealand’s first voluntary student union in 1996, lasting until 2000 when compulsory membership was re-established through a referendum. Rodney Hide visited campus a couple of weeks ago and the idea of Voluntary Student Membership (VSM) was brought up at Waikato University once again. According to the WSU website, their position on compulsory membership is “stop your whinging.” You paid them to tell you that.

OPINION

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By Josh Drummond, Vitamin C and Special K. With assistance from Nick M and Matt C.

Ahh, Hamilton. The writers of this here article have lived in and experienced a number of places where the nightlife is not to be sniffed at – Wellington, Auckland, the Gold Coast, Calcutta – and we’re agreed: the Hamilton nightlife does not suck.

We’re not sure why this is. We suspect it’s something to do with the fact that good ol’ H-town doesn’t have the range of entertainments of a town like – to pick a name at random, Paris – that the denizens of The Tron have to make their own, alcohol-fuelled entertainment. The bars reflect this attitude, and we had a great time “reviewing” them. So, to all those bar managers and patrons who looked past the glazed eyes and alcoholic breath and believed us to be true journalists, thank you. You know who you are, and we think you’re bloody awesome.

The Bank Bar and Brassiere

and decades.

There’s just something about this bar. It has – how you say – a certain je ne sais quoi about it. Ambience. Class. The ceilings are high, the brass is polished, and the ample security stares you down with a look that says “have fun, kids.”

The Bank was, unsurprisingly, a bank for 108 years. Once in danger of being torn down

by Hamilton’s Nazi urban planners, it was resurrected as a bar 13 years ago, and has apparently been doing a roaring trade since.

It’s not a traditional student den, although students do come – oddly, they’re often of the “law student” persuasion. The bar is pitched as being for more “mature drinkers,” which certainly applies to the music, which covers a large and banal range of genres

The Bank isn’t the sort of place where you’d look for traditional student specials. But they do have offers – Thursdays you get a free drink at the door, and Friday nights after 5 they have a Heineken and platter of food for free, apparently.

The bouncers at the bank are certainly worthy of note. They can say “fuck off” (not that they’d ever be that vulgar) and still make you feel welcome. Hell, you’d feel welcome being kicked out of this place. So go there.

Wear shoes, though, as the bouncers have this hang-up about bare feet.

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Nexus has taken the trouble to scientifically deduce which person suits which bar, and then ignored this information in favour of blatant stereotyping.

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

Jane and Joe Average: These bland, soulless, zombies are the Average Student.

Completely lacking in personality, they’ll be welcome in almost any establishment, in much the same way carpet is – they’ll get walked all over, but they won’t mind.

Probably study Management.

Mr and Ms Metro: These classless twits think “dressing good” and “grooming” make them cool. Unfortunately for everyone else, it actually does.

First Years: These innocents have the ability to be debauched and soak up alcohol in equal measure – as long as Mummy and Daddy don’t find out. More mysteriously appear each year.

Bogan: Much like the Elves of Middle-Earth, this metal-loving species is slowly dwindling and heading off to more welcoming shores – like West Auckland. But they’re immortal, so there’s always going to be a few around.

The Karaoke Kid: Can be any of the other stereotypes except Emo – with one exception: those gifted with the Karaoke mutant gene may suddenly transform into wailing banshees when presented with a microphone.

The MILF: No-one knows what this mysterious acronym stands for; many believe it means “Mission Impossible Lecherous Female.” That being said, there are plenty in Hamilton, due to non-awareness about such things as “condoms” and “the Pill.”

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The Gangster: May be any ethnicity, but often of the “white male” persuasion, these misguided gangbangers may be seen throughout Hamilton, although they seem to originate at Charmers.

The Raver: Drug-addled flashdancers of either sex may be seen stumbling, hypnotised by car lights at 4 a.m, or having exhaustion-caused seizures while standing upright in a club – which may be mistaken for dancing.

The Law Student: This person studies law at Waikato University. May look like nerds, but witness their bottomless drinking capacity!

The Uncle Jim: Everyone’s favourite Puzzle Page author is our all-purpose stand in for the Adult Student. Often seen at places they’re clearly much too old to be in, like primary schools or Bahama Hut. The Lollipop Girl: These heartless nymphs stalk the hapless males of Hamilton in an effort to score free drinks. Often seen hooking up with other girls in the pages of Busted – which is because they’re all secretly lesbians.

The Emo: This unhappy creature seldom strays from Mum’s bedroom, where they inundate themselves with crimes against music like My Chemical Romance. But when they’re on the town, everyone openly wishes them death. Find it difficult to get into any bars at all due to inherent shit-ness. Cheer up, emo kids.

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

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THE GREAT ANNUAL NEXUS BAR REVIEW campus, not counting the Dons of course. It seems there’s enough students making the most of this, as well as the local residents which makes for great atmosphere - I recognized a couple of lecturers enjoying the evening as well.

We went down on a Wednesday which is the jazz night at the Cook, and it’s a great time to chill out, socialise, and share a few quiets with your mates. As a side-note the jazz was fantastic, a quartet called Zebra were playing and they were awesome, so if that’s your thing then get on down. There’s a restaurant which is decently priced, but probably higher than you’re used to if you still have Hilly withdrawal symptoms, and the same goes for the drinks.

Still a really pleasant place though, and for a lot of you it’s close to home.

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THE OUTBACK: ONE OF HAMILTON’S PREMIERE PICK-UP JOINTS

The Outback Inn Do you really need us to review the Outback? Probably not. Chances are, if you’re a student, you’ve been there, and you’ve already formed an opinion.

However, you may have just woken from a coma and are keen to head out for a few, so we’ll explain the Outback anyway.

The Outback is where you go, or at least end up. The Outback is a meat market. The Outback is under/over-rated. The Outback is the usual argybargy ramshackle crowd of guys and dolls and emos and gangsters and milfs and rugby-head munters and bogans and crazies and sluts. It’s easiest to understand the Outback as a kind of metaphor for human existence. It takes all kinds. Are we saying it’s great? Yes, we are.

We asked several people at the Outback what they think of the place.

The first were both pretty girls who were hanging out in the dance area.

Unfortunately, the music was so loud they assumed we were coming on to them and hurried away. This happens a lot. If you’re wanting to communicate with people at the Outback on a busy night, you’ve either got to speak fluent Dance (or Flail if you’re drunk) or just stake them out when they go to the toilets.

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Spirit’d Spirit’d would be the leading pool bar in Hamilton, first and foremost in that the pool is free for customers. There are five really nice tables, and they are well maintained along with the pool gear. The other big one worth mentioning is the music. Nowhere else in Hamilton will you get to hear the playlist go from Wham! to Metallica to Norah Jones to Jack Johnson. The pure variety of music and the great songs that you’d forgotten about make a refreshing change from pretty much anywhere else in town. The bar is pretty well equipped, you can get cocktails for your ladyfriends and just about anything you need for yourself, with big ups to the spirits selection.

Spirit’d is the only place I’ve ever been able to find Ronrico Rum, a shot of which is guaranteed to either get you drunk or put you on your ass. Food is served also, but is quite steeply priced for what you get; it costs $16 for an average tasting pizza which unfortunately is quite flimsy and small. I recommend being friends with someone who dates a bartender in order to get the pizza for $8, making it a bargain. Head on down if you feel like getting your pool-sharking on.

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The Outback Inn is a huge bar. It’s split into 3 parts, for dancing, pool/ socialising, and miscellaneous functions. On Thursday through Saturday

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

nights each bit plays different music – rock for the pool part, and dance/Top 40 stuff on the dance floor. There’s a bit for arcade games and darts as well, where emos have been known to lurk on busy nights. Functions are spread across the week, with something on pretty much every night. We don’t have to tell you to go there or not, because chances are, you will anyway.

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The Cook The Cook is the only thing even close to a Speights bar around Hamilton – for those unawares of just what a Speights bar is, it’s a big ol’ building usually made of lots of wood, with posters of southern men all over the place. Do not confuse with a gay bar, which also has posters of men and lots of wood. You can find it on Cook Street, oddly enough, which makes it the closest bar to

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BAHAMA HUT STAFF TRAIN IN THE ARTS OF BOTTLE CHUK-FU

Bahama Hut Bahama Hut is the new dog in the street, and also the latest competitor with the bigger clubs for the hard-earned dosh of the great unwashed.

THE GREAT ANNUAL NEXUS BAR REVIEW Gosh. You can find it across the road from the Altitude and Axces, and next to Charmers and the Monkey Feather so you don’t have to go far to switch scene if you are that way inclined. The décor is in a surf theme to go with the name - it’s set up like the personal party fale of an extremely wealthy, alcoholic, over-sexed Tongan King – and the furniture is set out really well to accommodate the crowd. You’ll find the dance floor packed, and the chillout areas to be… chilled out, with well spaced booths and seating, and swings!

How cool is that? The big screens show surf videos instead of the Video Clips you’ve seen a hundred times, and the traditional balcony is above the dance floor, where if you are confident in your ability to ‘break it out’ you too can climb the ladder to dimly-lit stardom. On that note, the music tends to be heavy on the hip-hop and R&B side of the charts, which is the first major distinction from chief rival The Outback. The Bar stretches right along the right wall, and you’ll hardly ever have to wait in a queue even on the busiest nights. The superb bar team is also a big drawing card here. We witnessed some hardcore bar flairing by a dude called Massey, who definitely knows how to take care of his customers – the “Make me your best cocktail!” option resulted in an Apple Rain, probably one of the most exquisite drinks I’ve ever come across. Bahama Hut has its special nights as well, Thursdays

Sekure runs in tandem with the Loft, which is right upstairs, the idea being that you can go up there for some real dance music in a club atmosphere, and then come downstairs to chill out, have a smoke outside, and enjoy some conversation and a goddamn amazing drink. The music here is topnotch; you’ve got a vibrant, upbeat atmosphere that’s still relaxing, and you can have a decent conversation over it. There’s a live DJ, and we thought it was pretty damn good, until someone noticed that the vocals weren’t being sampled, but provided by a dude on the floor with a mic. This guy went by the name of Mr. Rolex, and has just come back from 5 years in Melbourne on the club circuit, chilling out at bars and freestyle rapping with the DJ. He met Eva Longoria at the Melbourne Cup….nuff said. We asked for the top cocktail from Sean, the man in charge, and while he couldn’t actually make his Curva Peligrosa due to it being a top entrant in a cocktail making contest, he did make us another based on kiwifruit, I missed the name, but it had to be tasted to be believed.

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are awesome with Distraction, based on the TV show of the same name. By “based on” I mean “exactly the same,” right up to a fully constructed toilet contraption on the stage where contestants had to pee, which triggered the buzzer, in order to answer the question – talk about dedication. CD giveaways are also featured, as well as the various themed nights we all know and love. The upstairs Lava Lounge caters for functions, and does a mighty good job, but if you happen to be really special it doubles as a VIP room, and that, my friend, is a place you want to be.

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SOMEWHERE IN THIS PICTURE IS A HOT EMPLOYEE FROM LOFT

The Loft

A lot of you peasants have probably walked past Sekure and dismissed it for not being close enough to the Outback, or some equally stupid reason, and for that I laugh at you. This is one stylish destination. The main emphasis here is a cocktail lounge, so if that’s not your thing then chances are you probably don’t own the right clothes to get in anyway (Hint: just because your white sneakers are new, doesn’t mean they don’t make you look like a twat).

If this is your thing, then this is the place to be.

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ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

Sekure

DRINK RANGE AT SEKURE

…otherwise known as that mysterious door by that other bar that you aren’t too sure about. Impress the scary yet mild-mannered man at the front, maybe pay a modest cover charge, navigate your way up the pitch black stairs, then down the big corridor, try not to fall through the aquarium-wall on your right and lo!, you will find yourself in The Loft. Now just go left and look for somewhere to sit so you can get your bearings, and adjust to the light. If you bump into someone, relax, just apologise and they will too, no need to start rapping and yo’momma-ing all over the place now, is there? Now go up to the bar and ask the nice girl there for a drink. Like most places, there’s a dance floor and seating and what-not. The music might remind you of old Nintendo games, but that’s no reason to leave, just jump in and have a dance. You’ll find that the shitty moves you use at your normal drinking pit will work here too, but no-one will judge you if you try anything new, as long as you can resist the urge to start grinding the nearest female; consider it a trade-off. The Loft is a really nice place, with great atmosphere as long as you pick the right night. If you are after a raging night and there’s a really chilled out crowd, tough biscuits, but if you’re there to relax it’s a really pleasant experience, and vice versa except replace ‘pleasant’ with ‘frenetic and sweaty’. In a good way.

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ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

THE GREAT ANNUAL NEXUS BAR REVIEW

Tokyo In Hamilton

Charmers

“Take me down to the Paladishe Shity, where the glash is gleen and the girls are plitty!” You want fun! Excellent super time to had at Tokyo In Hamtron!

Many list of songs that you like is profess to good enjoyment. Is operated

by Billy owner who encourage you to sing as if smiling gods of music. Billy as well as other staff make the song sound good also when they Entrance microphones to the noise. Drink the Sake for it is a taste to acquire, and to your head of floating crowds and bad judgement. Songs change on often basis to make diversity of the taste. Always the happy customers enjoy when they laugh, consuming the magic water has found to be very nice price. Always have been seen to Vitamin C on the late of Wednesday where drink lots the very little drinks like big fish drinking the morning lake. Very recommend when bounce man forbids the honour of entry to Outback.

Special verily come, walk in the flower house, and look to the forwards to see you there.

Yo check it bitch. (Uh. Uhh) This be our fave flava chocolate bar, and we all ready to PAAAR-TAY! (Who’s in da house?) Was in the other night and I was like ‘word nigga! You catch that shit on the floor? Hell no dawg’ and Spesh K was all ‘watch me bust this shit out’ and he all dropped like it was hot, his chain was all swingin low n shit, but all those motherfuckas act like they forgot about K. At his bar everybody wanna talk like they got something to say but the soundz here are pretty tight word, so you cain’t hear shizzle, but da rimshots sound like gun-shots (BLAM! BLAM!), there go ya ear-drums. I say to th’ deejay “play some Jay-Z,” but they don’t want Jay-Z no more, I’m chopped liver. So if you want a Charmers review here’s what I’ll give ya, a little bit o’ bling mixed wit sum hard liquor. The bitches swing they hips and shit, they so tight an’ fit I want to hit (it.) Bar service’s mean, so fresh and so clean (clean.)

Sum ho was swingin low for a taste o’ my chlamydia, but dis pimp was

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rolling high so hey bitch I’m getting rid o’ ya. How many songs d’ they play at Charmers that ain’t hip hop stylin yo fo’ real? Not many, if any.

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Mooses You’ve all walked past it, and you’ve all looked in, and if you’re lucky you’ve all been in. Mooses is a bloody nice place, filled with cool drunk people from all walks of life. There is karaoke now, and it’s great fun, the drinks are cheap, there’s really not much else that needs to be said. Go there if you really can’t be bothered having your balls grabbed as you cross the Outback dance floor.

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Our mediocre wigga skills are waning pretty fast, so we’ll wind this up with a Haiku: Go to charmers if You like hip-hop styles and bling (big beats and gold rings) RECOMMENDED FOR:

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Coyotes I’m looking over my notes for Coyotes, which resemble nothing so much as a mass of hieroglyphics drawn with one of those novelty pens that vibrate

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THE GREAT ANNUAL NEXUS BAR REVIEW POOL AT THE OUTBACK

HANDLE BAR

MONKEYFEATHER BAR MAIDENS

THE LOADED HOG

when you try to write. This might have had something to do with me being rather inebriated by the time we got around to reviewing this bar. From what I remember, it was as good as a bar can seem from a swaying and slightly cross-eyed perspective, which is good indeed.

Coyotes is laid out pretty simply, with a bar in the middle of a spacious dance/chill/drinking floor, and is apparently targeted at an older/more mature crowd. It sports mostly old-skool dance-pop masquerading as music, from memory – but I may have confused this for the ringing in my ears.

My drunken scrawls reveal several “interviews” with bar staff and patrons, who must have been scared out of their wits by the sight of a dishevelled red-eyed madman, gesticulating wildly with a pen and notebook and barking something about being a journalist. Patron “Nick” (22, and God knows why I asked him his age) says “great beers, don’t like the music [incomprehensible] lots of MILFs.” I thought that summed things up reasonably well.

We’ll hand the last word to Dorothy, who was bar manager on the night we visited. What makes Coyotes stand out? “It’s the whole friendly atmosphere.

That, and we have the best range of drinks in town.”

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Hamilton’s happy home of covers bands par excellence, CazBar lurks in an alcove next to the Outback. In fact, when I first visited, I thought it was the Outback, and this gave me cause to wonder why I was being bounced twice in the same bar.

Of course, I wasn’t sober at the time. On reflection, the CazBar isn’t the Outback. What sets CazBar apart? Well, they have covers bands a hell of a lot, and they’re mis-named after a song. It has a slightly odd layout, with

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Handle Bar The oh-so-wittily named Handle Bar (tell us, guys, what does your name actually refer to? Handles of beer, which are drunk at a bar? Or handlebars like on bikes? Or did someone just like the name, because it has two meanings without actually meaning anything at all?) is a sports bar. Yay for sports bars. You get to watch a choice of sporting diversions on an assortment of TVs while putting up with screaming patrons and puddles of beer to lose your TAB slip in. Crusted regulars regale you with tales of the good ol’ days, when rugby was Rugby and they played for Te Awamutu RFC or something, while slipping meaty arms around your shoulders in unwanted matey homoeroticism.

This rather disparaging description does not, of course, apply to Handle Bar, because they advertise with us. In fact, it’s a comfortable bar with friendly staff and fun activities to do during the week.

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

CazBar

seating by the bar area and a little stage area between the bar and outside, where the aforementioned cover bands howl. The rest of it is sort of down and to the left. If this sounds confusing, it’s because it is. The most confusing thing about CazBar isn’t the layout, it’s what they’re actually for. My best guess is that they’re the hospitality equivalent of a remora fish. They attach themselves to a big fish (the Outback) and siphon off the blood (customers.)

Or maybe it’s a soap opera. It’s banal, but it’s reliable and you’d miss it if it were gone.

That being said, a lot of people like the CazBar, or it wouldn’t still be there.

We recommend it, as it’s the only place you can: _______________________________________________________________. (insert reason here)

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THE GREAT ANNUAL NEXUS BAR REVIEW The night we were in there for reviewing, some punch-drunk moron rocked up and assailed us with torrents of incomprehensible gibberish, before flailing his arms and being helped away by a friendly bouncer.

The bartender gave us a sympathetic look. “Don’t worry about him,” she said.

“It’s not a good night. We do best on Wednesdays and Saturdays.” That they do. We came back on a Saturday, and they went off. Well, we think they might have – we can’t remember a hell of a lot.

RECOMMENDED FOR:

BANNED:

Fat Bellies

you to pretend you’re in a rap video. The night we arrive, it’s pumping. The outside bit has a DJ and a marquee, under which people are bumping and grinding with abandon. The inside bit has a DJ and a roof, under which… you get the idea. The bar sports one of the most engaging bar-girls we’ve ever seen, who dances up a storm while working the EFTPOS machine. We chat to Phil, the bar manager, who says what makes Loaded Hog unique is “the service and the staff – we’re like a big family.”

Well, we’ve heard this before, and we’d be inclined to take it with a pinch of salt except it seems like everyone here really believes it. The bar, the patrons – everyone’s having a good time, and there’s no hint of aggro anywhere – amazing, considering the music playing at the time urges the listener to “kill that mo’fo dead” or words to that effect. Don’t write this bar off, check it out first.

RECOMMENDED FOR:

Nexus approached Fat Bellies on a packed out night with rain hurtling outside. Inside was warm and sweaty and filled with – on first impressions – fat people. I thought this was interesting, and said so.

Me: Hey, isn’t it ironic that this place is filled with fat people!

Associate: WHAT? Me: IT’S IRONIC THAT FAT BELLIES IS FULL OF FAT PEOPLE! Associate: WHAAAAT?!

Me: FAT BELLIES! IRONIC! Associate: Oh, yeah. Real funny. Ha. A wonderfully obese woman flailed to a rather good, (but deafening) cover of The Red Hot Chilli Peppers, her hair and jowls slapping surrounding people with sweat, a manic grin on her face. We carefully avoided her and approached the bar, where we hung out with a dwarf and a tall drunk guy and asked them what made Fat Bellies special. “It’s alright ow, fucking A!” screamed the dwarf, spraying me with spit and beer. I withdrew and asked the bartender, Luci, the same question. “Our clientele,” she replied confidently. “Just look around, and you get an idea of what we’re about.”

Indeed. Fat Bellies has some of the happiest people having more fun than most other bars I’ve seen. Check it out, good times await.

RECOMMENDED FOR:

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

The honorary bar on campus with a rampant identity crisis. Where to start?

Well, it has all the standard bar stuff and successfully plays host to all manner of pre and post match sporting functions. Students questioned had fond memories of ‘$2.50 Thursdays’ and the generous food portions. It also has a very decent quiz night (for added fun, heckle the quizmaster with the dodgy mic) and various other themed nights through the week, details of which you can find on the toilet doors.

Pros – comfortable, close to Ham East dwelling students, on campus.

Cons – not close to town, closes earlyish, and is about 300 metres walk from the banks which puts lazy students off. Overall, Don Llewellyn’s is decent, under-utilised and worth a look.

RECOMMENDED FOR:

BANNED:

Sohl A sophisticate’s retreat, Sohl is an entertaining jaunt as it’s a very relaxed atmosphere and great choice of drinks and food on hand. It’s a restaurant until about 10pm which is when regular gigs and goings on tend to happen at Sohl (on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays, generally). It’s also a good place

Diggers in two words: Old school. There are lots of people crammed in a bar that’s – well, you know that scene from Kill Bill where The Bride is trapped in a coffin? How confined that is? Well, Diggers is at least 3 times that size.

(There’s a bigger space out back, but it’s used mostly for functions.) The bar staff are accommodating when quizzed about their bar’s unique aspects.

“It’s a little bit of old school – they come for the free pool and live music,” says a bartender, whose name (if my notebook is accurate) is a kind of undulating squiggle with a mysterious stain at the end. It might be Nick, but could also say Prick, Wick, or Lick. So, Diggers. Go if you like free pool, live music and have a coffin fetish.

BANNED:

The Loaded Hog Like hip hop and balconies? The Loaded Hog has enough of these things for

22

Don Llewellyn’s

BANNED:

Diggers

RECOMMENDED FOR:

BANNED:

to talk to others as you can most often hear your other constituents without resorting to shouting. However, when there’s a show on that’s somewhat nulled…

Sohl is also one of the extremely few venues in Hamilton that know how to treat their performing artists well. They don’t charge a venue booking fee and hook you up with a bar tab. If you’re a band wanting to start performing some shows, send your demos to the peeps at Sohl. They’ll even let you have a cover charge!

Currently Sohl is leading the charge on our online polls as favourite club/bar to hang out at so it must be good. Sohl’s not really a pick-up joint but if you’re looking for a relaxing spot to take a significant other or a group of friends with nary a pair of white pants or homohawks in sight, then Sohl’s your place to be.

RECOMMENDED FOR:

BANNED:

DISCLAIMER: Did we miss your favourite bar? We’re sorry. We’ll get them next time. If any of our reviews sounded sarcastic, it’s because we were being sarcastic. Don’t take it too seriously.

Exercise and sex-ercise…

I was at the gym on a Saturday, which I think was a combination of enthusiasm and temporary

A few months ago, you may have heard TV 3’s ‘Campbell Live’ talk about a thing called

I’ve always liked exercise, and I’ve tried my hand at a few different types over the years, but it doesn’t much like me. This year, I’ve had plenty of fun; but not much finesse.

madness. While quietly clutching a pair of 5kg weights, and trying to stretch something; a sympathetic staff member came over and politely asked what the hell I was trying to do. She then put me straight, and after that I felt a stretch!

‘sexercise.’ It seems to be the latest craze, and I hear the mayor’s wife in Invercargill has even given it a whirl. ‘Sexercise’ is actually an exercise routine derived from pole and lap dancing. These classes are being taught at gyms overseas, but there is only one in New Zealand so far. The Uni Rec has not yet offered such a class, but it could be a good suggestion. The new sport sounds great for desperate housewives that would like to shed some kilos. Instead of installing a pole into the living room, one can simply accessorise themselves with a make-shift pole, like a broom, or a dining chair.

I’ve been increasing exercise and trying to decrease the old sugar intake. It seems like a trend lately; it seems we’re all terrified of the thought of getting back into less than flattering swimwear as summer looms nearer. I am one of many that joined the gym and started a ‘try and get fit’ mission – and let me tell you; if I can do it – anyone can! Here’s how I went…

After a few minutes of cardio I was sweating like a rapist. Upstairs, I discovered an almost empty workout area. It may have been filled with anything for all I knew. There were machines of all shapes and sizes with cushioned seats on the funniest angles and adjusting knobs all over the

The other day, my friend and I thought we’d go to a step class and ease into it with the beginner’s version. Ha! Beginner, my arse. My idea of beginner step is; ‘up, then down’; ‘up, then down’. They have you going up, round, doing a mamba, down, and jumping over the damn thing! My friend and I had a few near misses, only just avoiding a close encounter with the floor.

The instructor would add a turn to our already complicated steps; and next thing you know; we were facing one way - and the rest of the class - the other. Bugger! Anyway, we got to the end of that; and even made it to a kickboxing class later in the week. There’s not much room to move in

show. In short, I had no clue as to what the hell

kickboxing class; I nearly punched a poor girl that

bone density, and a natural balance of hormones

I was looking at. Just so you know, I’m the kind of person to follow the exercise program to the letter, simply because I only know how to use the machines they showed me how to use, and even then it took two tries.

walked past me at the wrong time. I’m still finding it hard to laugh after the abdominal workout in that class.

(Vibra-Train, 2006). The vibrations make it a different type of work out altogether, where the machine stimulates your muscles at the same time as you.

See Average Joe’s Gym, page 46, for more on exercise. This will be a weekly series, as A.J. tries out the equipment at the Uni Rec Centre for your edification.

A few months ago, you may have heard TV 3’s ‘Campbell Live’ talk about a thing called ‘sexercise.’ It seems to be the latest craze, and I hear the mayor’s wife in Invercargill has even given it a whirl.

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

I can be spotted infrequently around the weights room amongst all the strong athlete men, all incorporating very heavy amounts of metal into their very impressive workout. I sit between them and heave my 15 and 20kg weights.

Diet and exercise, the two go hand in hand, and if you’re lucky – they might just lead to weight loss.

There are many ways to achieve such weight loss, you can use an endless number of complex combinations including Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Sure Slim, Fast Burner, Vibra Train, and much, much more, as I wrote about in part 1.

If you’re not a raunchy person, maybe you could try another popular exercise technique called ‘vibration training’. It is good for busy (or lazy) people, lasting only 10 minutes. There are apparently four outcomes you will achieve using this technique; weight loss, lymphatic drainage,

23

If you know of any gigs or events, send in the details to nexus@waikato.ac.nz. For any possible changes to this list, listen to Contact 88.1 FM or check on the Nexus Forum at www.nexusmag.co.nz/forum

Tuesday September 26th Hamilton Film Society meets at 8pm every Tuesday at Victoria Cinema. Intending members can sign up on screening nights or call Andrea Haines on 839-5932. Student subscriptions are $85 full year or $45 half year. 3-screening Flexi tickets are also available for $25.

Wednesday September 27th Council meet with Students, 1-2 pm The Uni Council wants to hear from you. Come to the forum on Wed 27th Sept at the Village Green and talk about fees for 2007.

(Note – this is definitely happening today as opposed to last week, when it wasn’t).

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

Peter Wells presents Frank Sargeson memorial lecture, 7.30.

Rightly described as an “international encyclopaedia” and as having “special gifts of insight and eccentric observation” Peter Wells the current University of Waikato/ Creative New Zealand Writer in Residence will present at this years Frank Sargeson Memorial Lecture.

Peter Wells, an award winning author, film-maker and media commentator will use an arrangement of stills and moving image to portray the fragility of the memory’s ecosystem, and how we as New Zealanders create areas of significance surround important memories in our lives in a public lecture at The University of Waikato on September 27. The lecture will run for approximately an hour, from 7:30pm onwards in S block.

Jazz band Zebra play at The Cook, Cook Street, Hamilton East every Wednesday night from 8pm.

12 @ 12 offers 12 minutes informal performance once a week to a passing audience. It has gained a loyal following from staff and students who bring their lunch and enjoy a mixed bag of items from singing, to jazz guitar, drama to improvised

24

dance. 12 @ 12 is free of charge and welcome students to come along and get involved. This event takes place every Wednesday at midday at the University of Waikato, School of Education, downstairs Foyer. For more information contact Viv Aitken, (she’s very cool) at viva@waikato.ac.nz

Friday September 29th Karen Barbour’s ‘Fluid’ is a solo dance reconsidering women’s contemporary experiences through the legend of ‘Melusine’, a watery shape shifter. Karen writes “issues of negotiation and control, privacy and voyeurism, and the social expectations of women, all collide in my body in this dance”. On at the Playhouse Theatre (WEL Academy of Performing Arts) on Fri 29th – Sat 30th September. Starts at 8pm and costs $20 ($15 concession). Check out www.ticketdirect. co.nz or ring 0800 383 5200 for more details. @ The notorious BAY are taking their version of hardcore elsewhere with Guest Stabs Host, Dial, The Wrongmen, and posi-hardcore lords Brick vs Face playing at Galatos Basement, Auckland (R18) Hamiltonians The Shrugs will be playing with Dynamo Go and Infinite Flying Kick at Sohl bar, Victoria Street, Hamilton. 10pm, $5. Check out our interview with Infinite Flying Kick this issue. @ Auckland rockers The Rock and Roll Machine are playing what is sure to be an awesome show at the Schooner Tavern, Auckland 9pm $10 (R18) Auckland reggae group The Midnights are on tour and will be playing at the Harbour-view Hotel in Raglan at 9.30pm. $10 on the door.

Saturday September 30th This show will be amazing with the BAYs Guest Stabs Host, Dial, my very good friends and favourites Das Raven, and Carthaginian Solution

Auckland events are marked with an @ symbol

playing an all ages show at Upsett Records, Hamilton.

Auckland reggae group The Midnights are on tour and will be playing their psychedelic roots reggae sound at Brewers Bar in Mt Maunganui at 9.30pm. $10 on the door. @ My very good friends Streetwise Scarlett are playing with Kingston and False Start at the Ellen Melville Hall, High Street, Auckland. The show will cost $10 and is AA. Speaking of Streetwise, check out the ‘Meet the Rockers’ article in this week’s Woman’s Day. Axyl is super cute!

Exhibitions Jessica Pearless Sept 26 - Oct 14, at Platform 01 This artist makes site-specific installations, which comment on aspects of the environment, which they are displayed in – architecturally or otherwise (it will be interesting to see what she does in the Platform 01 space as it used to be a railways building). She uses the gallery itself as the canvas. Like modernist painters concerned with shape, form, colour, her work is located between design and painting.

Platform 01 - www.platform01.org.nz. Room One, Level Two, 467 Victoria Street, Hamilton. Open Hours Tues - Fri 11 Am - 3 Pm and Sat 10 Am – 1 Pm. Blindcolour Janet Barratt, 26th Sept – 14 Oct. Opening Sept 29, 6-8pm. Gallery East (359, Grey St). Opening hours Tues - Fri 11am – 4pm, Sat 11-2pm.

Upcoming Shows @ The Living End will be playing at The King’s Arms (Friday 3rd Nov - R18) and The Studio (Saturday 4th Nov - All ages & R18) in Auckland.

Check www.ticketek.co.nz for further event details and how to score tickets.

INTERVIEW

By M Emery Infinite Flying Kick are an Auckland indie pop rock band who have been playing anywhere and everywhere in recent months. Friday 29th September, IFK will be playing their first local show with Hamilton’s The Shrugs and pop fanatics, Dynamo Go. Infinite Flying Kickers Robin and Willis filled me in on the background of IFK.

Robin: No, but I like tornado coffee. Is caffeine a drug?

Where did the name Infinite Flying Kick come from?

R: A dream. A Nightmare to be precise.

W: If my memory serves me correct. IFK is a crossmutant.

Who plays what in Infinite Flying Kick?

Willis: I sing and play the guitar alongside our current Chinese Chess Champion Rob. Jeff and his rhythmic brother Charles are on drums & bass. We also have the lovely Christina on keys & percussion.

How did Infinite Flying Kick form?

W: The usual ‘friends get together for a jam then discovering how fulfilling it is to belt out tunes together.’

Do drugs or racism pose problems for Infinite Flying Kick?

What has been a highlight show for IFK so far?

Willis: The Masonic last weekend, I love it when the crowd bring along their dancing shoes.

Do you guys have any recorded material?

R: Yeah. We usually record at our little studio. EP is on the way Is one member of IFK more important than the others?

R: They said the singer is the soul of the band and I won’t disagree with that.

W: They say Rob has a soul with four wheel drive.

I’d like to think that’s up there on the important list.

With that aside, everyone’s as important as one another.

If a member of IFK left and had to be replaced would a person of a different ethnic background be considered?

R: Yeah sure so long look alike.

W: What Rob means is so long as he/she has something in relation to Bruce Lee. What are the IFK plans for the future?

R: I plan to finish my degree! Waikato Uni, you owe me one!

W: Get Rob the honorary degree he deserves. Next one on the list after the EP is to go on an NZ tour.

Look out for their track “Mr. Sad Robot” on Contact 88.1FM. Also check out their myspace: www.myspace.com/infiniteflyingkick

Area 07 CD Release Show Photos by Lemon

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

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Area 07 CD Release The Meteor, 16 September 2006 Reviewed by Petra Jane

We arrived unfashionably early, to find Venomous Mic Technicians already performing to a cavernous black room. The Meteor is one of the bigger theatre spaces in Hamilton, and intimidatingly large when it’s empty. VMT’s three MCs fired a volley of female anatomy puns and drew an impressive crowd for so early on a Saturday night.

Hamilton’s roots are firmly planted in the rock n roll swamp, so the drumkit and amps come out after VMT. For only their second live outing, The Deadly Deaths already have an easy confidence on stage. This is Hamilton’s latest all-star supergroup, comprising members from proggy popsters Dead Pan Rangers and Nimbus. If you imagine the locked rhythms of the former and the psychedelic drone of the latter, you’d be halfway to the Deadly Deaths’ sound -- metronomic rock soundscapes and meandering grooves.

Dynamo Go introduced a guest star, Nexus office-loiterer Mo on melodica and xylophone. She kicked off tootling the familiar ‘The Final Countdown’, to the shock and amusement of the growing crowd, leading into a tight set of their pithy, dancetastic original indie-pop.

For all their youthful good looks, The Shrugs are probably the only band

on tonight’s bill old enough to remember the last Hamilton compilation CD release. It was 2001, in the Hilly front bar where a Mad Butcher’s is now being built. They’ve earned a loyal and...let’s say enthusiastic following since then, and every song of tonight’s set was drowned out by Kat’s demands for ‘Talk Is Cheap’. They’re nice guys, those Shrugs, and obliged the small request. gadget goose started on a downer, with Lemon announcing this is their last gig, ever, for real this time. But they quickly got down to business with their uniquely cheery, spiky punk pop and bouncy antics. All the favourites were given one last airing, and dance-unfriendly shoes thrown in one last pile by the stage as a teeming crowd danced up a wee storm.

A great night out, then, and a fine celebration of the diversity and talent of local music represented on Area 07. And it was made that much sweeter by being home by midnight, with a fantastic new CD to enjoy.

Poetree There is a girl who isn’t every other girl,

I was recently in a dark hole of depression and alcoholism,

Not a skank, not a bitch or two-faced,

For I had been chewed up and spat out by the girls you are not,

And she’s awesome.

But I have no regrets; it makes me appreciate you more, And see everything you are not,

Manda,

Not just a pretty face but a pretty soul.

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

I want to be with you always,

26

Because when I’m not with you, you’re all I think about,

You see me for who I am,

And I miss you as soon as I leave your side,

Not just another guy looking for a shag,

You’re unlike anything I’ve ever experienced,

But a guy looking for a partner,

So different to anyone else,

And I think I may have found exactly what I was looking for.

You’re captivating, like a stunning sunset, Except more beautiful.

Hope this makes your day a bit better, And puts a smile on your face, I’ll see you later on babe Nick

Send your notices of 100 words or less to nexus@waikato.ac.nz, or drop into box at WSU reception. Deadline is 5pm Tues.

Notices are free for students to advertise!

Room for rent 1xabove for summer months and next year, available 30th Oct. $80 rent per week,5min walk to uni. Sky/ broadband/phone/heaps of parking.

Call (0273388919) or email (asm14) Aiden.”

Flatmate wanted, $113 per week includes rent, power, phone, food, sky etc. Big, new, 2 storey house, close to uni and with off street parking. Room available Oct 15th or earlier if needed. Txt or call Irene: 027 635 0969

Up to 5 people to fill a 5 bedroom house over summer November 11th to February 11th. Nice sunny deck for summer BBQ’s, sunbathing and lazy days secluded by a huge fence. Ideal for summer school students. 2 Bathrooms, spacious living area, huge rooms, 3 minute walk to uni from

FLATMATE WANTED URGENTLY room in a flat has become available in Hamilton East flat, the room is a really decent size, big enough for double bed, desk, dressing table etc. rent is $100 for sky digital, broadband, phone, power and rent.. To live with 3 awesome chicks,

29 Edinburgh Rd. $91.60 p/w. Ring 858 2609 or text 0274206976

2 students one hairdresser, guy or girl as long as you’re cool and you pay rent on time.. call 07 856 2242 or text Amanda on 0210465689..

Cheap rent! Flatmate wanted. Cook St, Ham East. $85 p/w, food extra. Close to shops and uni.

To share with 2 others, until end of Feb. Phone or text 0211232429 or 0276300975.

President

Vice Pres

Dalton Gordon Moffet Neho Nikora No Confidence

220 91 604 31 133 137 192 333 75 41

Mature

1000 records for sale, prices vary ph 859 1271

Ever wondered what an A pass for an assignment would feel like?

We can sort out your sentence structure, spelling and punctuation problems and turn your assignments into fluent, clear, literate prose.

Visit us at www.editwrite.co.nz When you write wrong, we right the wrongs.

King & Mackay Malcolm-Buchanan No Confidence

286 371 174

Tauranga

Delamere Lum No Confidence

467 242 135

Kerr No Confidence

539 243 82

Education Women

Moriarty No Confidence

603 229

Delaney&Taukamo No Confidence

659 179

Disabled

Hawkes No Confidence

694 149

Sport

Finance

Greenless No Confidence

632 206

Maori

Hohepa&Kameta Rewi No Confidence

407 249 188

Mixed netball compettition starting sunday 30 Sept at the YMCA and runs every sunday.

Compettition runs for 7 weeks with good prizes to give away. Limited teams so call or text Duane on (021)0221-8664.

Environment Dimmendaal&Taylor Smith Strong No Confidence

McKenna No Confidence

Campaigns Beattie

Total votes cast

610 210

946

364 227 161 114

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

Bishop Nikora Schoenberger-Orgad No Confidence

Oh My Gosh! A room has just become available in a funky flat near uni. You owe it to yourself to live here. $105 covers everything, incl. a large room with your own ensuite, broadband, family

guy inspiration... down the street that never stops partying. Ph/txt 027 637 0006 NOW.

MAYBE NEXT YEAR CAT PIANO...

27

WSU Prez

Vice President

Sehai Orgad

Carl Gordon

Kia ora whanau

The WSU Constitution

This past couple of weeks has been hard out with campaigning and elections. By the time you get to read this column a result will have been finalized and my life will be coming out of the limbo mode that it has been in for the past week, and finally knowing for sure where I will be heading for the next year or so.

WSU is an incorporated society, registered by the NZ Companies Office.

As such it has to provide a copy of its current Constitution (i.e. rules), its annual Audited Accounts, and a list of members. WSU does all this.

I would like to thank ALL of those who have taken the time to cast their vote.

This IS an important practice and I am hoping that we can celebrate next week in knowing that our voter turnout is one of the highest that it has been for a long time now.

Its Constitution lists such things as WSU’s aims, members, powers and membership of general meetings and the Executive, election procedures, clubs, and standing orders (meeting procedure). From time to time it is amended by voting at a suitably called General Meeting.

The fact of the matter is that the Student Revolution has started. We have had the highest turnout in activities and promotions this year. The last example of this was the turnout for the candidate debates seeing 150-200 students coming to listen and to question the people who were putting themselves forward for a position. This is THE biggest turn out that the candidate debates have ever had! I am also told that the voter turnout so far is predicted at about 400-600, and as I write we still have a full day of voting to go.

WSU is currently using the October 2001 Constitution. In 2004 a greatly revised constitution was presented to the October AGM, and adopted, even though almost no-one present had read, let alone understood, it. These changes were never passed on to the Companies Office for registration, and the 2004 Executive decided to not adopt the new constitution in 2005, in order to have time to check that it was going to work. In the event, the issue got delayed, although a 2005 Constitution Subcommittee of the Executive did some good work on further improvements.

Fee Setting forum with Council members This is incredibly important for ALL students to attend in order to debate and to discuss the fee setting strategy for 2007. Andrew McKinnon, Chief Financial controller of the University will be presenting the rational for the fee setting. Then the chancellor John Jackman and key members of the University Council will be present to answer your questions and to listen to your concerns before they go into the official Fee Setting meeting scheduled for October 11.

This forum will be held outside The Banks/Village Green. There will be a BBQ provided. Please come along and have your say.

The 2001 and 2004 Constitutions both have flaws, and both need upgrading. What is needed is to keep the best from 2001, add the good ideas from the 2004 model, and include a number of other changes that have emerged as potentially useful in the past year or so – e.g. a Trust to take care of WSU’s investments; a Student Representative Council to link the class rep system with the Executive; and clarifying the aims and objects.

All members are invited to submit their opinions on the matter. You can get a copy of the 2001 Constitution from WSU reception (for a small

org.nz

photocopying fee).

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

If you have any questions about this event, please contact me: president@wsu.

28

Sports and Recreation Officers Matangaro Paerau and Paora Mato Written by Matangaro Paerau

Unigames Team Manager for 2007 but Co-Sport & Rec officer for 2006 Hey people, So if you are interested in playing any sport or Shot to everyone who voted last week! And to perhaps even becoming a manager keep this those of you who didn’t get the chance to vote, issue under your pillow or pinned up next to the maybe next year eh - just remember that if porn cos it may come in handy! you don’t feel like WSU represents your views, election time is when you can settle that.

As for the sport & rec side of things, I, Matangaro Paerau, will the Team Manager for the 2007 NZ University Games AKA Unigames 07 to be held in Christchurch from 10th April – 13th April. So, along with my super special team of managers AKA ‘Tha SPECI-MANGS’, we have started to prep for what we hope will be one of the most important Unigames to date. Why, you may ask?

Well, hopefully in 2008 The University of Waikato will play hosts to more than 2500-3000 students from all over Aotearoa. So the plan is, if we can take the best of the best from Waikato down to Christchurch and kick some much needed kicking punanis, then perhaps more moo-loos will catch on to the Team Waikato spirit and stick around for NZUG 2008.

What: When: Where: Who: Why go:

2007 NZ University Games 10th-13th April 2007 Christchurch Hosted by Canterbury University It’s gonna be mean - gotta be there to

see it though!

Now the cost has not been confirmed yet but here’s what we anticipate as the WORSE CASE SCENARIO: approx $500. BUT that includes return flights, 3-4 nights accommodation and possibly some sort of team apparel (cos we wanna be looking flash like the brothers and sisters up in TRN when we be rolling in the streets of CC!)

cost. It is expected that the more people we get to help out with fundraising and getting others to pay on time will knock a cuply hundy off the price so minimum asking price is around $300 - not bad for a mean time in CC, don’t you think?

But this price is only achievable with help from everyone who’s keen on going next year so the more hands the merrier!

There’s heaps of new things that we are trying to initiate so your time doesn’t feel wasted down there, so if you have any questions or would like to express your interest EMAIL ME NOW! Send all enquires to team.waikato@gmail.com There’s also the option of making a deposit this year of $100 just to make the burden of the cost in March 2007 lighter to carry on your fellers’ shoulders. Cos we all know how we’re rich in OWeek and poor the next!

So - too much to youse for reading this massive as blurb. As for the ‘PUB, CLUB’ theme this week, I haven’t been out in ages. I’m loving every minute and don’t really miss it - after three years it kinda becomes the same ol’ same ol’ - but I have to say it does go off once you’ve had a bit of a break, so if you’re one of those Wed-Thur-Fri-Sat ragers… try skipping a coupla weeks and see how that goes (might get some work done, eh!).

Chur, shot ow. “MEAN WAIKATO MEAN”.

So now that you’ve sorta got an idea of the cost just remember that this IS NOT the confirmed

Disabled Students’ Officer Jeff Hawkes those harmful rays (remembers Steve Irwin?), and then there are the folks going hard in the gardens and general maintenance to keep our campus looking styling.

I’ll keep things short this week, but I would like to say big ups to those on campus who get things done. I snapped a shot of one of the workers going to extreme to get the job done, under the table and practically performing acts of contortion, but still beaming a smile for the camera.

He’s getting the umbrella up, to protect us from

Go FMD and CSL, yahoo for the army of acronyms that makes things more aesthetically appealing for us.

So, who went and saw The White Lady at the Academy of Performing Arts? This was a spectacular emotional rollercoaster ride of a modern opera written by Dave Griffiths, and

Julia, Reece, Angela and Marion all put on breathtaking performances, in a production that started with a stage chock full of performers, and had moments with solo and duet performances, elements of local gangsta styles and an awesomely talented cast.

Attention Directors: BIG TV is ready for your material Get in touch, get involved and get it happening.

Please contact Clare Lyons

Ph: 027 450 1092

Email:bigtelevision@gmail.com

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

Hope everyone had a great first week back from the teaching recess, entertaining to see all the chalking and things getting set up for the WSU election. Get out and Vote everybody.

directed by John Davies, both from Waikato University.

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International Officer

Mature Students’ Officer

Sonja

Vince

Assimilation: The action of making or becoming like; the state of being like; similarity, resemblance, likeness.

CAUTION: BROWSERS BEWARE!

Upon arrival and even before landing at this small and slightly insignificant building called Auckland International Airport, students from other countries have to start thinking of it: Assimilation. Depending on your native language, your own word for that could translate into adapt, conform, acclimatize, adjust or arrange. The bottom line is that you have to include part of your host countries’ culture into yours. It might be as small as saying “how are you” every time a random acquaintance stumbles across your way or as big as winning the cup for the best Kiwi BBQ this summer. Giving way to rituals

OK! So, you’ve pretty much finished the housekeeping (copious if your family includes children!), tucked the kids into bed (having finally exhausted their seemingly bottomless pit of energy), prepared tomorrow’s school lunches, found yourself inexplicably up-to-date with academic work (a rare moment indeed), and, with no URGENT priorities requiring your immediate attention!

Ahhh, what do you do?

Mature students regularly address so many day to day commitments that when we find ourselves suddenly ‘free’, albeit momentarily, we can be

and customs that seem strange or sometimes rather insane is not always easy. Newly arrived B-semester students might feel that right now. The reluctance of accepting new rules for interaction with your host culture is called culture shock.

limited as to options regarding recreational pursuits. Unfortunately, unlike our younger more carefree counterparts, bar-hopping, party celebrations and nightclubbing aren’t necessarily realistic options. In so saying, I miraculously found myself in this very situation just a couple of weeks ago!

Yeah, that nasty term is back. ‘Culture Shock’, yuck!

After sulking around the house at 7.30pm, somewhat at odds because I was unexpectedly ‘free’, my flatmate informed me that my favorite secondhand bookshop (as a struggling student I can rarely afford anything brand new) was open in the evenings! Browsers Bookshop (at 221 Victoria Street) is open Mon – Fri 9.30am to 9.30pm, Sat/Sun 10am to 9.30pm. BUT, if you’re anything like me when it comes to books, I would urge a word of caution. I actually found myself still rummaging through various literary pieces when they were ready to close, haha!

There are quite a few people around who are desperate to tell you how you can overcome your own culture shock – most of it is utterly unimportant or just rubbish. Depending on the writer it can also be agonisingly annoying (which is worse if the writer is talking to you, in the end you want to stay polite, don’t you?) Anyway, you will find your way out of it.

I will of course give you one or two tips for your easy assimilation myself: Firstly, I think it is completely ok to find yourself another culture shock victim and say nasty things about New Zealand. I do that. I also do that to my own country, very regularly actually, like, every time they vote. I think ranting about something helps with building an emotional relationship as well.

Of course if you would prefer a few drinks with friends in an environment conducive to the exchange of academic thought AND a few brews‘to boot, the likes of venues such as Don Llewellyn’s or The Cook are abound in our wonderful city! For those who enjoy a bit of a waiata (song), Mooses or Billy’s karaoke bars continue to pull the punters; as do the ever popular Bahama Hut and Outback.

Secondly, getting out of that stinky room you have been hiding in for the last

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6 weeks helps, too. Read this issue’s pub ratings and go to one.

And because alone is fake, you need to take someone with you. I will not repeat the advice to talk to strangers again so you’ll have to make friends first. That is not as complicated as you would think. And here comes the big ‘two thumbs up’ for NZ: they like to make new friends and as an international student you are more interesting by default because you can swear in another language and drive telemarketers mad with your accent.

So, be proud of your culture and go and embrace the other one! Yes, at night! Why did you become a student in the first place? Just don’t forget that you need to be conscious to experience Kiwi culture so keep an eye on that alcohol consuming of yours.

And if you really want to pull it off, start swearing in a third language: use this German word for it “Scheissdreck!” (means crap). Say it ‘shaiz – drek’. Now go out and yell at someone in a happy and polite way, there’s a good chance they won’t understand it anyway.

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I’d also like to take a moment to sincerely congratulate all those successful candidates who will undertake new positions on the Waikato Student Union for 2007. I have to remain confident that the voice of the student body at this campus has spoken in good faith, and that the ultimate results will work to the utmost advantage for all students at the University of Waikato. So to the WSU Elect for 2007 I say “good on ya!”

Have a great week - one and all!

Kia ora.

Maori Students’ Officer Renee Congratulations goes out to all those who were successful in being elected to WSU as executives for 2007. You will need to do your homework because looking after someone else’s money is not as joyful as it might seem. I take this time to thank those who voted for me and hope that during 2006 you got everything that you entrusted your vote to me for. If I missed the mark – know that it was not intentional because there were other personalities within the mix.

WSU to do list: (this is what you the voters should have held WSU to account for): • The consultation and implementation of WSU business and strategic plan

along with real acknowledgements to the original writer that without such a plan it would not have even been in the form it is

• Revision of the WSU budget that actually seeks solutions to the gaping holes due to mismanagement or no planning • The instillation of policies in employment that mean protection rather than reaction to employment problems • The updating of the WSU policies book for ratification at OSM •

The sharpening up of business practices that would see that all functions of WSU business is corrected given that students own WSU – eg, performance manage Nexus, given that nearly $100,000 yearly is spent propping Nexus up, and...

• Strengthening the financial base of WSU in that decisions being made over the WSU asset base.

Apparently my last blurb offended a few out there to which I say – if it hurt, know that this is the same for me. Some people think that we are here to be abused just because you think you have the right to do so – to those people I wish you all the best when it is your turn.

Never apologise unless you really mean it – fakers always get caught.

Special Meeting

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What do you think about fees for 2007? The Uni Council wants to hear from you.

Come to the forum at the Village Green on Wed 27th Sept 1-2 pm and discuss the issues.

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Other Pride Week Events: Pride Week Sex Toy Party Wednesday night last week saw the annual Pride Week Sex Toy party go off with a giggle. I’m not sure how many purchases were made from our small student budgets, but everyone took the opportunity to touch the merchandise. This resulted in much hilarity, especially when holding the realistic looking vibrator with foreskin included.

The guy was giving the party was fun, with many stories about other sex toy parties – including drunken people trying out the merchandise then and there. He soon got everyone involved and chatting, even requesting volunteers to try out some strap on products.

Some highlights included: - The purple bullet (a very small vibrator on a cord) that was also useful as a cat toy as the vibrations made it jump about.

- A strap on giant black dildo that we were shown drew comments because of its size. Then we were informed that the one we were looking at was the smallest size in the range. Ouch!

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- Dora, the device that gave a man a blowjob, didn’t look attractive at all from my point of view. However, the guys just asked if there was one called Daniel or Dave.

- The exotic bunny was a waterproof slim purple vibrator with a handful of functions that looked quite fun. Unfortunately the price of these things were all beyond a week’s rent for me.

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COLUMNS

Sexy Sergeants and Naughty Nurses…

‘Coffee, tea, or me?’ is the provocative question emblazoned on a tiny little Air Hostess fantasy outfit among the great selection of adult dressups in the ‘Bras n Things’ store. There’s a vast selection there, catering for any taste, and any fantasy, ranging from black leather bondage and whips to fluffy little ‘Femmebot’ negligees and frilly knickers.

A quick browse through Trademe brought up a whole plethora of fantasy costumes. I decided to purchase a ‘Naughty Nurse’ outfit for the Outback Doctors and Nurses party. The next day I picked up the costume, where the lady led me out the back to a garage filled with all sorts of naughty things. It was hard to keep a straight face, while being surrounded by boxes of massive dildos and butt-plugs!

I was so surprised by the reaction I got from my male friends when I mentioned my costume. One of them said ‘I’m breaking into a sweat now just thinking about your outfit!’

So what’s the appeal behind these dress-up fantasies? One of the most common amongst my male friends is the ‘Schoolgirl’. They say the appeal is the idea of the innocent schoolgirl, and being able to sexually corrupt her. It takes them back to their school-days, except they are more experienced. ‘I wish I had known then what I know now’ said a friend. Another said ‘every guy had a girl at his high school that he could never have… the guy’s grown up, but they still have that image in their head of the hottie at school. The fascination just carries on.’

Another common fantasy is the submission vs. domination. Men find submissive characters such as the nurse sexy, because they’re being waited on. All their needs are met. But also, they’re in a vulnerable position as ‘patient’. Powerful women are also appealing. One friend said he desired a ‘well-dressed powerful business woman that is feared’. The appeal is her being ‘tamed’ by him to be submissive.

The term ginger ninja comes from feudal China and was originally a reference to male warriors who used to fight naked with their genitalia painted bright orange. It was believed that the colour would inspire a hardening fear in the enemy. Another belief is that the term ‘ginga’ comes from Ireland, where the renowned Seamus O’Hallaran got into a fight over a pint of Guinness and was insulted because of his blue eyes, his long ginger coloured locks and his IQ of 3. Nevertheless modern culture has taken the term out of context to refer to those who have contracted a rare strain of Gingivitis – Gingivitis II – which results in their hair turning an awful fluorescent orange. So fluorescent in fact, that companies like the Glenbrook Steelmill have allowed employees with orange hair to forgo wearing their fluorescent safety vests.

We attempted to interview several ninjas for their views on what it was to be ginga. However, on seeing the approach of a large brown man and a feminine looking white boy frolicking arm in arm they all ran away screaming “piss off, you homos!” Charming. However, we managed to pin one down on the condition she remained anonymous (because Sapphire told us she wouldn’t like to be named). Her description of being a ginger ninja is that orange hair is “the flower of evil.” Much like the nasturtiums that Chuck grew when he was six.

Most ginger ninjas are born the way they are but a few have the stupidity to want to dye their hair such a socially unacceptable colour.

Examples include Madonna, Eminem, and Keri Trim from the school of Ed (thanks to Clo for that one). However the attempt to “go ginga” is usually laughable. Usually the transformation from normalcy to gingerism is quite astounding. The intention is usually to become blonde, but because it’s generally done on the cheap with a storebought hair-colouring kit, the intended blonde look instead becomes a sinister shade of scarlet.

Ginger Ninjas. The laughing stock of the community. Those who are born with such hair are unfortunate and we should try to refrain from mockery but for those of you with the stupidity to dye your hair such a socially unacceptable colour, well, we salute you. Idiots.

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What about women’s desires? This one is easy. A man in uniform!

The most popular are firemen, policemen, and Air Force pilots. The appeal behind this is one of an authority figure. These men are in roles of protecting society. Their masculine strength and ability to protect makes girls crazy with desire. I know I always get a buzz when I see a fire truck driving around town. The sad truth is however most ‘real-life’ fire fighters are middle-aged, grey, and balding. So guys, if you’re wanting more luck with the ladies maybe consider being a volunteer fire fighter, because before you know it, you’ll have a whole bevy of girls wanting you to rescue their ‘puppies’ and ‘kittens’!

Gingas. Ginger ninjas. Moranges. The red death. The scarlet harbingers of the Apocalypse. Yes we’ve all heard of them, and this week’s Guide to Society examines them.

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COLUMNS currently involved with the program – probably best to do your own research if this seems like a vaguely interesting prospect.

Ups for gay males Get fit for summer

JET off overseas

Date: Tuesday 26 September 2006 Time: 5:30 PM - 7:15 PM Location: Uni Rec Centre Contact: exercise@waikato.ac.nz Website: www.unirec.co.nz/main.cfm?id=27 Cost: Students / staff / seniors / Uni Rec members $80; others $95.

Date: Wednesday 27 September 2006 Time: 1:00 PM - 3:00 PM Location: S.1.05 Website: www.nz.emb-japan.go.jp/auckland

Feeling chubby? Are you able to use your own gut as a coffee table while watching T.V? Does your ass giggle for a week after eating a candy bar? If you answer is ‘yes’ to any of the above questions, or whether you just feel like a bit more exercise in your routine, then check this program out.

Mid way between the couch and joining the gym, the program offers physical activity, educational workshops, and aims to help those who attend to develop a personal schedule that complements their daily activities in contrast to imposing on them.

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

Sports and Recreation in New Zealand (SPARC) are due to launch another ‘Push Play Nation’ campaign in the near future, so why not get a small head start?

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I sympathize with those who are feeling like a trip overseas; with reluctance to pony up the doe, or increase debt, some of us don’t venture to other shores for one reason or another. Here is an opportunity to visit Japan, and get paid for your efforts.

The Japan Exchange and Teaching Program (JET) aims to improve foreign language teaching in schools and to promote international understanding.

Providing you are a NZ citizen holding a degree, or teaching diploma, you are eligible to work as either an ‘Assistant Language Teacher’ (ALT) in elementary and secondary schools or as a ‘Coordinator for International Relations’ (CIR) in selected local government offices in Japan.

JET is not for everyone, to be honest I’ve heard mixed reports from those who have been, or are

In honor of Pride Week last week, I asked a few tough questions to various parties. The outcome; here’s some reasons why being a gay male apparently kicks ass: -

- -

-

-

Beautiful women want to hang out with you; this makes all your straight friends jealous as hell Having high standards in hygiene is the standard.

Parties are held all over the world on any given weekend to celebrate our diversity.

Churches despise us, which give us one extra day to sleep in.

We aren’t always expected to be the aggressor.

Sometimes we can be passive and cuddle up in

-

-

-

- -

our boyfriend’s arms...and that is OK. We get to drive all the cool cars...like, convertibles, VWs and Jags.

After a drunken night of passion with the one- night stand, we don’t have to fear getting that ‘YOU @&*#! YOU GOT ME PREGNANT’ call.

Being called flamboyant is actually considered a compliment.

We get to share clothes with our spouse.

We are your artists, actors, and singers. Yup... every last one of ‘em - you mean, no one told you?

COLUMNS

‘Spring’

The Ins and Outs of Politics

“Everything is blooming most recklessly; if it were voices instead of colours, there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night.”

Rainer Maria Rilke

I am shocked. Floored. I never realised that Don Brash was a ‘playa’. I would’ve thought that he was a “once a week” kind of guy, and had all the sexual prowess of a marionette doll. But I guess I was wrong, and no matter what I think of the guy (not very much), I do feel sorry for him. Having your private life on display for all to see can’t be pleasant. But at

Well, it seems that spring has finally arrived. The air is warmer; indeed some days are almost hot. The trees are in blossom down by the lake at Uni, and the sun shines most days.

While everyone has a different view on winter and autumn, I am yet to meet someone who doesn’t like spring. In the southern hemisphere, spring (theoretically) begins on the first day of September, and lasts for three months ending on the last day of November. These dates coincide exactly with the Northern Hemisphere dates of autumn (or fall if you are in the States). Autumn is usually considered to be the opposite season to spring, just as winter is opposite to summer.

The word ‘spring’ is of Old English descent, the modern day form having been borrowed almost exactly from Old English spring or the masculine form spryng. The word, as it is used as a noun in the sense meaning a season, is thought to have been derived from the Old English verb áspringan, which shares its modern day form with the season. The verb ‘spring’ is defined by the Oxford English Dictionary Online as being “of things: To change place or position by sudden and rapid movement without contact; to move with a sudden jerk or bound”. It is believed that from this form the name of the season was derived. The verb form springen is found in present day German, and the verb form springe in modern Danish.

Spring has long been associated with life, birth and fertility. After the dullness of winter, it is a time when new life is in bloom, and when the

Regardless of your religion or spiritual point of view, spring is a great time to take notice of what is around you, and to reflect on the things which are important to you.

What I would like to ask all those ‘open minded’ people out there who have chosen not to judge the doc on his ‘ridin’ dirty’; if the same had been revealed about Helen Clark, would it still be OK? And if not, why? Because she’s the PM, or a woman? I would bet good money that there would’ve been a witch hunt for Helen, because a number of people are determined to reveal that she isn’t simply a happily married woman. Her desire for greater power must mean she is a lesbian…right?

I object to people who are completely incapable of applying the same standards across the board. So if you are one of these inflexible National supporters who are determined to prove that there is something “not right” in Helen’s personal life, that she or her husband are secretly gay and their marriage is one of public convenience only, then you cannot support your adulterous leader anymore. His personal life is just as, if not more fucked up than Helen’s, and he is not fit to lead the National Party anymore.

Personally, I couldn’t care less what kind of sex our political leaders are having and with whom. But I’m in the minority there. So if you are one of those people that have been playing the “personal life” cards on Helen Clark, they just got dealt back to you. It’s called karma, and I love it.

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world seems a much more colourful place. Many religions have recognised the growth and new life which takes place during spring, and as such have worked some of their major festivals to fit with this theme. Christianity for example, has Easter during spring (okay so not our spring here in New Zealand, but in the Northern Hemisphere’s spring, which is where Christianity originated). Easter celebrates Jesus Christ’s rising from the dead, a concept which certainly fits with growth, new life and awakening.

Likewise Pagan Europe celebrated, and many neo-pagans today still celebrate Imbolc which marks the first stirrings of the earth as it awakens from winter.

the end of the day, if you want to be PM, you have to expect that people are going to dig the dirt on you. That’s the way it is. I totally agree with everyone who has said that what Don does behind closed doors is his business and nobody else’s. In some countries, the leading political figures have photos splashed across the papers every week of them and their Italian mistress fucking on a boat, but nobody cares. In New Zealand, it’s different, and that sucks for them. So Don, don’t worry, I won’t judge you for it. I have plenty of other things to judge you on and have come to the independent conclusion that you are an enormous wanker, and that has nothing to do with who you stick your dick into.

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COLUMNS

IN AD2006 JOURNALIST WAS BEGINNING Special K: WHAT HAPPEN Vitamin C: SOMEONE SET US UP THE COLUMN Josh: WE GET ASPA AWARD Special K: WHAT!?

Josh: MAIN NEXUS TURN ON Special K: ITS YOU!!

For the last three weeks, I’ve been completely stumped for what to write about for my column. Plus it’s getting to that time in the year where exams are coming up, I’ve got a new girlfriend and there are just other things I want to be doing. So basically, I just can’t be screwed anymore.

It’s not like there’s many more Nexuses to go now anyway. On that note, this will be the last Engine Talk. And just like the last few columns, the idea for this one is not my own; no, it was given to me by Nick Maarhuis (a regular Nexus writer and on the WESMO team).

Which leads to our second point. When people see me walking down the street, they come up to me and say “Vitamin C, I read what you have to say about food, and I wonder; why shouldn’t I want to grow old? You and Special K are surrounded by fast cars, and beautiful women, surely you do not want that to end?”

And I say to them “Small infertile man, listen to my tale of terrible clothes, gold medallions, and awkward dancing. Listen in horror as I tell you of large animals who once were women.”

So anyway, Special K and Vitamin C were at UNNAMED CLUB, you know the one, it’s around the corner from UNNAMED CLUB. Anyway, the beats were fresh and the women were pumping, until by happenstance we spotted something less than awesome. About 6 or 7 forty-somethings, all hopelessly gyrating and bobbling to the music. All wrinkly and oversized women, and balding shrimp-like men. First off, there was big round green lady. She knew all the words to ‘I Was Made For Loving You’ by Kiss, - normally a pretty cool song when sung by Vitamin C to a lonely Chiquita from her front lawn to her balcony (same goes for ‘Symphony Of Destruction’, and to a lesser extent, ‘Creep’) - but this time just plain awful. Little bald guy was white-boy shuffling his way around the circle, while mild-mannered housewife kind of bopped a bit next to

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her husband, and pretended that she knew the words, while husband shifted between his feet and pretended he was at the rugby club with the rest of his fat shit friends. Meanwhile back at Fat Green Lady, gravity is being defied by the sheer amount of chins and tits and rolls that were flying around the place as she earthquaked up and down to ‘500 Miles’

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Later at UNNAMED CLUB, of all places while Special K and Vitamin C were doing body-shots off the barmaids (‘cause that’s the way we roll).

Somewhere between when the music went from CHINGCHIMNG to SCHWEEP BOOM we spotted a walking corpse. Up on the stage, wearing naught but singlet and pants that were issued in his WWII training was D.W.A.N: HOW ARE YOU CONTRIBUTORS D.W.A.N: ALL YOUR WORD LIMIT ARE BELONG TO US D.W.A.N: YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO EDIT Special K: WHAT YOU SAY D.W.A.N: YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO WORDCOUNT MAKE YOUR TIME D.W.A.N: HA HA HA HA

Things not to do to your car. Well, Nick M seemed to be pretty anti-boy racer stuff like monster-tachos and neons and exhaust tips. And I agree in some respects; if you just slap this shit onto your car, well then it probably will look as good as your grandma’s ass (not good). But like anything, if you do it right then you can come away with a nice looking car.

Neons. They can be interior or exterior. Interior; cool as. I’ve put them in two of my past cars, and they look very nice. Blue ones too. I put two up under the dash (to illuminate the front floor wells) and two on the sides of the hatch (to illuminate my sounds), and that looked pretty swish. And who gives a fuck if they’re just cheap Warehouse ones, they still work and look good. Exterior neons on the other hand, seem a bit unnecessary. They take away from the car; all you look at is the bright colour.

Exhaust tips. Well, it really depends. They look better than a bare muffler tip. But then they look stupid if you just tack it on the end of a muffler. If it’s just the tip visible and you can’t see the muffler, then it’s all good.

Monster tachos. Again, cool if you do them right. Most people just screw them into their dash and leave it at that. And the thing is that a large group of people think this is cool. Hence I don’t have a huge problem with it, since it does the job that it’s meant for. In saying that, I wouldn’t just slap one on the dash. If I had the time, I’d mount it in the dash and put a whole new set of gauges in there as well to match, otherwise I’d just leave it standard.

To summarize from all my columns in the past; you can do stuff to your car to make it “phat”, and although I’ll think you’re a toss, lots of people will think you’re cool. If you listen to my advice and make the most of your car, you won’t get as much attention as the others, and people won’t acknowledge the amount of time and effort you’ve spent on it, but true car enthusiasts will have your back. So really, the choice is yours.

COLUMNS

By Burton C. Bogan

The Big Fat Cry Okay, so if you’re part of a group you have to be able to look critically at it, so I’m told. So I’ve been doing these columns about the good sides of Metal and how great we are, cos we are, but I thought to be an unbiased reporter I would write about things I don’t like about Metal. Don’t worry; I’m not going to trade in Iron Maiden for a wallet chain or anything (spot that obscure reference!).

Summer is a bummer: When you dress all in black, you got to pay the consequences. I still can’t believe that my best friend and I used to play tennis at school dressed all in black. Last year I discovered this colour called blue, and so I’ve been wearing blue jeans which kind of helps.

My summer attire is a pair of blue faded jeans with the knees worn out, a throw back to grunge?

Mohawk was our symbol (after stealing it from punk). Now it’s been re-termed the Homohawk or Faux-hawk and associated with ‘players’. So too the Mullet, which is now re-termed the Moulet. All those years of putting up with laughing at our hair and now it’s fashionable, so we don’t want it!

We can’t spell: Korn? Megadeth? One of the biggest problems about writing academic research on Metal is that the spell checker hates me. Although would Korn be so cool if it was spelt correctly? ‘Corn’ anyone?

We can’t dance: I haven’t got rhythm. I got music though. Who could ask for anything more?

Anytime I ‘dance’ I’m either mocking the music, or I’m head banging. Last couple of weeks I’ve head butted people in the Cazbar, and my mate’s head banging resulted in me hurting my teeth on my beer.

(In)appropriations: Once upon a time the

Metallica (Black)

Our gigs don’t get much support: Fear Factory = cancelled. Ministry = cancelled. Not looking good for Killswitch Engage. Why? Low ticket sales. But where was the advertising?

Okay so I’ve vented - thanks for that. Despite having the big fat cry this week, I love Metal (disclaimer time). I’d rather focus on strengths rather than weaknesses. There are advantages to all the disadvantages. Dressing all in black means that if you spill your beer, nobody cares!

We can’t dance? Haha neither can any of you!

Our gigs don’t get support, we can feel that we’re better than all of you – cause we are the few, the proud….the Bogan!

Stay Bogan \m/

its commerciality (Justice is a better album, in my opinion) and lack of early Metallica-ness, I love it. Just about every song on here is totally killer, the kind of shit that your head bangs to automatically.

Metallica Reviewed by C.J.

assured balls will be on the line. The cat is about to be neutered.

Now to the serious stuff. I love Metallica. They fuckin’ rule, man.

Consider this a Classic Rock Review Metal Special \m/. Metallica have been around for donkey’s years, since 1981 to be precise. They’ve released 13 albums to date and the most successful by far is this week’s album, Metallica, otherwise known as the black album due to its almost completely black cover. Whilst some purists may dislike this album for

You need look no further than the band’s most recognisable song ‘Enter Sandman’. It starts with the guitar, then the drums come in, then some more guitar, and it keeps building up until Boom! (That’s the part that you should have really, really loud). “It’s just the beast under your bed, in your closet, in your head”! Fuck yeah! My absolute favourite off this album is ‘Nothin Else Matters’. It’s deep, melodic, introspective. Touching, you could say. Another standout is ‘Don’t Tread on Me’ which is harder than a priest

in a playground. Others of note are ‘Sad But True’, ‘My Friend Misery’, ‘Struggle Within’, and ‘Wherever I May Roam’. This album is the complete package, not one weak song in it. Have a listen some time, you might just like it. 9 out of 10

Competition!

This weeks winner is Andrew Penney. Funny guy.

Next week’s prize is Recollection

by Hammond Gamble, who is appearing with Th’ Dudes at Hauraki’s 40th celebrations next month.

Keep your entries comin for the Classic Rock uni students top ten.

Email to cjw37@waikato.ac.nz

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

Hold on to your hats, the results are in. The votes have been counted and Waikato University students have shown a severe disliking for feline testes, or anything pantherlike for that matter. By a staggering 2 votes to 1, students have said “crush him C.J, use your hard rockin’ boots to kick him in the nuts”. One also said “being gay pride week and all I think you should just bite his nipples instead, man”. Um, no thanks. His Panther claws would rip me apart if I got that close. The public have spoken. If you’re reading this Panther, be afraid. Be very afraid. Time and place TBA, but rest

FEAR FACTORY: CANCELLED

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WHERE’RE THE PUZZLES AT, JIM?

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COMIX

ISSUE 22 / 25 SEPTEMBER 2006

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STORY TIME

St Peter’s circa ’88, as recalled by The Wez Days at boarding school were spent trying to avoid being beaten by larger kids, or to avoid getting caught for beating younger kids and then beaten by the housemaster.

Do not think for a moment that threat and actual eventuation of vicious beatings deterred me from doing weird and naughty things. It simply made me much more covert and cunning. My first introduction to the real importance of not advertising one’s insanity was only two weeks into my stay.

It was Saturday night and the whole school of boys aged 10 -12 were allowed to sprawl on cushions and watch some G rated movie on the small TV. You were also allowed to use tow dollars of your allowance to purchase a small amount of lollies which had to be eaten by the time the movie was over.

If you were caught with lollies when it wasn’t Saturday night you were beaten.

I had been naughty, but not naughty enough to warrant a beating (I was still warming up). So I had to sit outside the housemaster’s office and read a book with other bad kids, instead of watching the movie and eating lollies.

A whole dorm of kids had been banned from the movie too but they were allowed to stay up in their dorm as there were

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too many of them to crowd around the office.

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I saw two kids come down from the dorm and then go into the office. Then they went back to the dorm running with excitement. Then the entire dorm but for the two kids came down and lined up outside the door looking kinda caved in and fearful. What had happened was a few kids in the dorm had lollies and shared them. Two kids didn’t get any so they told on the rest. Now all those kids who ate the lollies were getting a beating.

They would go into the room and the close the door behind them and then there would be a loud and sharp smacking

sound and the kid would come bolting out - red faced and heading straight to the bathrooms to cry tears of hopelessness.

I had to find out more. So I listened at the door. I heard the gruff voice say “Stand on that spot and touch your toes”.

Then the CRACK! I would jump back to my seat and a teary kid would come out. I managed to hear three before some kid told on me. I heard him telling on me and as he told, I detachedly realised I was listening at the door.

I felt weak and sick. I just staggered back and stood in the middle of the hallway staring at the door. The room took on a goldfish bowl effect and things became dreamlike and unreal. I thought about fainting.

The door opened and the kid looked and me and smiled a teary eyed evil smile. Behind him was the stern housemaster.

“Mr Prestage, come in here” he announced.

The room was decorated in the classic New Zealand post-war style. Floral patterned carpet, thick brown curtains . Leather covered chairs and the smell of dust and fear droplets. He was entering my name into a ledger. Name, amount and reason for the punishment. Under the reason section he wrote ‘Idiocy’.

I stood on the spot (a large red flower in the carpet ), touched my toes and recieved THE WHACK. I didn’t cry. I just went outside and sat down. Thinking how I better lift my game and become much more covert as an operating basis.

Coming up – more on THE WHACK, the cane and the terrors of horny pre-teen girls.

REVIEWS

Rice paper rolls (adapted from Feelgood Food, reviewed page 44)

Pheobe Meryll These rolls are my new favourite snack.

They’re healthy, easy to make and look quite impressive without being tricky.

Ingredients: Packet of rice paper sheets (Bin Inn has decent sized packets for $3.95) Collection of nice chopped things such as sprouts, capsicum, avocado, spring onions, cucumber, grated carrot, cashew nuts, etc.

handy. The rolls would also make a good light meal finger or a classy finger food. On the less classy side, my boyfriend reckons that the softened rice paper feels like a condom. But don’t let that put you off, as they taste much better. Recommended.

Mmm, chocolate.

Cadbury were kind enough to send us a sample of their new Moro bar last week. Which, oddly, included a comb. What are they suggesting?

I just can’t be bothered brushing my hair most of the time, ok? But we can report that the new ‘Gold’ bar is indeed rather delicious and that the snack size ones are far too easy to eat. They’re sneaky little crunchy/ creamy chocolate finger things that just creep into your mouth. Purchase at your own risk.

Take a sheet of rice paper and put it in warm water for 10 seconds. Then gently take it out and put on a board. Get a small selection of all your fillings and put them in the middle of the rice paper. Then fold each side of the rice paper over, and roll up to enclose the filling. Serve with soy sauce or sweet chilli for dipping.

You could use sushi fillings and rice in the rice paper too, just whatever’s

Restaurants

By Hazazel

Café Review: Pasta Mia

The menu takes a little explaining. Some of it is set, like the sides, but the specials board lists which sauces and pastas are available for you to mix and match, as well as the desserts, salads, and mains of the day. The pastas are all around $15, and because they use fresh pasta, and a limited ranges of sauces each day, they’re ready surprisingly quickly. They also have a reasonable range of wine and drinks.

Sam had one of the specials - the tagliatelle alla armatrigiana: tagliatelle (wide flat pasta ribbons) with a tomato, bacon and chilli sauce; not really

‘creamy’ as it was described, but rich and tasty, with plenty of bacon. I chose the spinach and ricotta ravioli, with a creamy pork and broccoli sauce. Now this was creamy, and again, not stingy with the meat (though there was only one large broccoli floret in it). We also shared a roast vegetable side salad, which was quite good. We were provided with balsamic vinegar and olive oil so we could dress the salad to our taste, and a shaker of grated parmesan as well. A nice touch.

Finally, we shared a berry panna cotta for dessert. Heaven. A rich and creamy dessert (it literally means ‘cooked cream’) with blackberry sauce top and bottom, served chilled in a martini glass. Very sexy.

Pasta Mia would be a great place to go for lunch or dinner with friends or your special someone. They also do takeaways, and they sell a variety of cheeses etc, as well as (of course) the Pasta Mia range of fresh and dried pasta.

They’re open 11am-9pm Tue-Sat, so you’re out of luck Sun-Mon. Their lunch specials vary slightly from their dinner ones, so it might be worth going back.

I’m fairly certain we will be doing so. Yum.

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While I still mourn the demise of the Greek Taverna, its erstwhile home on Casabella Lane is prettier and more interesting than ever. Pasta Mia (the café branch of a successful Taupo pasta company) is one of the newer establishments in the recently extended shopping precinct. We dropped by one Saturday evening, and found it surprisingly quiet, but with a warm, convivial atmosphere. Italian music (pop, not opera!) played, and the sounds of Italian conversation wafted from the kitchen, yet Pasta Mia is authentic without being cheesy. The décor is simple and stylish.

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By M. Emery Experience hardcore delight when Tauranga’s Brick Vs Face play Upsett Records as part of their In Your Face CD release tour on Saturday 7th October. Appreciate, The Rockets and more will also be performing.

Public Witness Records are releasing a tribute CD dedicated to the sterling works of The Smiths in November/December. Bands currently doing their best Johnny Marr/ Morrissey impersonations are Malenky Robot, The Mint Chicks, The Debutantes, Shaky Hands, Amy Racecar, and Scenewhore with more to be announced Anika Moa is touring the whole of New Zealand apart from Hamilton during October and November.

Dorothy the Dinosaur’s Dance Party is a fun-packed all-singing, all-dancing show featuring a bunch of award-winning songs and international characters, and stars Captain Feathersword, Wags the Dog, Henry the Octopus and Dorothy the Dinosaur. You can catch Dorothy and co at Founders Theatre on 31st Oct. Yep it’s a pretty slow news week.

Amy Racecar are after volunteers for a music video they are shooting in October. About 20 people are needed to act as Satan worshippers. No experience is needed but an ability to convey evilness would be a plus. The shoot will take an afternoon, likely on a weekend, and snacks and drink will be provided. Contact amyracecar@gmail.com if you are interested.

One Million Dollars Soup Kitchen

Reviewed by Shane Dudfield Having been given an album titled Soup Kitchen to review, I envisaged a collection of scruffy street performers singing for their supper, with Kahu laying down some ‘Bah duppah duppah’s to the pre-programmed beats on the Keyboard Guy’s Casiotone. But preconceptions are often shattered once the play button is pressed and my Continental Cup-a-soup conjecture soon transformed into a smooth funk-laden concoction, possibly the ‘Beetroot and Coconut’ kind that Momento serve up. (Hmmm, time to drop the soup analogy I think.)

The first track is a funky samba number recorded on the streets of Sao Paulo. Or so I’m led to believe. Either way, if you’re looking to add credibility to your white boy funk record, hyperactive Brazilians are a pretty solid method of going about it. The Six-minute ‘Sem Parar’ is a bit of a teaser though really, as the rest of the album slides into a soulful jazz set for the best part of an hour, with some familiar ‘barbecue dub’ moments, which should strike a chord with fans of Fat Freddy’s Drop, The Black Seeds or OpenSouls. And they’re not even a Wellington band!

Blink, furry mastermind behind the A Low Hum tours and more, is setting up camp next year. A Low Hum Camp to be precise. 50 odd bands will be performing at Blink’s campsite of choice in Wainuiomata on Feb 3rd – 5th 2007. This will be a band camp you don’t wanna miss. There’ll be fun camp activities, alcohol, marshmallows, lagoons and possibly some reefer madness! The camp performers will not be revealed until you get there so it will be a fun surprise for everyone! I’ll bet Matt’s left nut that So So Modern will be playing though! What will Blink think of next? A Low Hum Sex Parties?

Anyway through the wonder of myspace and trademe you can find out more

Tyree Now or Never

details and buy tickets: www.myspace.com/campalowhum

aesthetic, Tyree is “gangsta as” as the cover and booklet would show through photos of him blowing smoke, throwing around 50 dollar notes and giving us “the finger”.

The Tempo music events held last week were another successful few days of seminars, gigs and activities. The Area 07 Compilation Cd release party on Saturday was an excellent showcase of some of Hamilton’s finest including The Shrugs, Dynamo Go, The Deadly Deaths, Venomous Mic Technicians and what was likely a final performance from Gadget Goose. All the bands are featured on the Area 07 CD which I high recommend you picking up if you have not already. To score yourself a copy of the CD, visit www.hcac.org.nz Everyone’s favourite Star Wars MC Stormtroopa has recently released a new track on his myspace (www.myspace.com/mcstormtroopa). Apparently his EP “Songs in Sci-fi Stereo” will be dropping soon and will contain approximately 7 phat tracks to krump to.

Reviewed by Matt Tyree is all about the girls, money, rebelling against the police and telling you all about everything that he endured to get here. It’s very americanised. Infact, I would go as far to say that Tyree is New Zealand’s version of Nelly (in terms of sound). As for

But in all seriousness, this album is very similar to most American rap gangster stuff you’ve probably heard. Tyree is all rap, no hip hop – no clever lyrical stylings, just straight rap lyrics ala generic gangster rap.

The CD has an interesting quirk where there are a couple radio-styled voice breaks that did nothing but irritate me with the thick kiwi accent of a woman trying to sound seductive while calling me a poppet/ bopper (I couldn’t tell). Interesting production overall, but it feels too much like a carbon-copy. He’s got nothing on MC Stormtroopa.

By Kazuma Namioka

Murderball

Later… with Jools Holland Even Louder

Another great Hopscotch documentary. This one is about paraplegic rugby; more specifically, the rivalry between the USA and Canada teams. I don’t really take an interest in, how should I put it, regular rugby (or offshoots like league) and I don’t think I’d be interested in seeing a documentary on it, but novelty is a powerful thing. Seeing players sitting in these solid, modified wheelchairs with head and shoulders poking out the top, the most fragile piece of the machine… then seeing one smash into another and knock him the fuck over in the name of sport, it really is wonderful.

This is a Later... with Jools Holland compilation in the theme of rock, and there are more winners than losers here. The years sampled are diverse: Kings of Leon are on there, and Green Day doing Amerian Idiot, televised back in 2004. But then there are songs from ’92 (Sonic Youth) and ’93 (Alice in Chains). On closer inspection, post-’01 stuff is the majority, though there’s more than one old hand who has simply kept on going through the years. The Cure is on here, played in ’04, and Robert Smith still looks like an awesome fucking freak. An older Metallica performance gives airtime to some lovely tight leather pants.

The human drama comes into it when a star US player with a dragon’s hoard of gold in trophies (everyone knows dragons hoard gold, that doesn’t make me a geek) is one day too old to make the national team.

So he heads to Canada and becomes their coach, vowing to defeat his homeland’s team in vengeance. The guy looks EXACTLY like Woody Harrelson, but shares first name, wheelchair status and personality with Joe Swanson from Family Guy, to the point where I wonder if he was the actual inspiration.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s bad stuff on here too: The Killers, The Vines, that hateful Jet (not Li. How dare they sully his… made up name) are things you’ll need to skip over. Actually, an accompanying booklet compares Aussie’s Jet to NZ’s The Datsuns, but I dig The Datsuns, so maybe that’s just nationality coming in there. Maybe Jools Holland has it wrong, even though he has his own music show. At any rate he’s not really on the DVD. Interpol, whose album Antics is a real gem and the song Evil a golden example of why it is so, were disappointing. Singer sounds like a bleating sheep live. This was the best song of their set?

Many of the characters were in terrible neck-breaking accidents, and there are slower moments when the real issues like depression and rehab have to be tackled. Still, the makers know what makes interesting viewing, and the part on the sex lives of quadriplegics was, indeed, very interesting viewing. Note the tie-at-the-side panties that he can remove with his teeth. Matches between Canada and USA are always excruciatingly close, and consequently in-game portions of the story are very exciting, and the surprise ending had me and my flatmate cheering at the TV. March of the Penguins beat Murderball at the Academy Awards for Best Doco, but that was on pure cinematography.

Another great documentary.

But back to the good. John Cale? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Hives? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Muse? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That international treasure Karen O? Splendid. And the final performance, it feels like a lance of sunshine stabbed through your heart as you’re walking the Earth under black storm clouds; Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds play a song There She Goes My Beautiful World, and it’s not a tragedy ballad but full blown rockstravaganza with backup singers and brass instruments, and Nick Cave is running around with his receding hairline clutching the mic in one hand and bellowing into it, gesturing wildly with his other hand balled into a fist. It’s so good. But supermarkets still only play that pervert George Michael.

REVIEWS

Books Feelgood food

Marilyn Manson: The Long Hard Road Out Of Hell

Mim Beim & Gül McCarthy

Marilyn Manson with Neil Strauss

ABC BOOKS

Reviewed by Burton C Bogan

Reviewed by Pheobe Meryll

This great book, written, ironically, with the help of a ghost writer, is the autobiography of a much hated figure of Heavy Metal. It details his life from a child right through to the release of Antichrist Superstar. In it are the stories that Metallers have all heard of like his cross-dressing grandfather, his religious up-bringing and his issues with Trent Reznor. But there are also lesser known facts that I think give a greater insight into Mr. Brian Warner.

Like his father’s experiences with Agent Orange (he was one of the pilots spraying the stuff) and Manson’s past relationships, which are surprisingly touching. Also included are some funny affidavits from Christians trying to shut down his tour and a large collection of photographs from throughout his life, taken largely from the ‘Dead to the World’ tour.

Mmmm, food. This sort of ‘feelgood’ fare goes for long term health rather than the comforting stodge usually suggested by the term. Ignore the ‘recipes and menus for healthier Australian families’ subtitle on the cover as the book gets better from there. It’s essentially a book of recipes with super therapeutic powers but also includes comprehensive information on what to eat to help a variety of particular health complaints, from acne to irritable bowel syndrome to tonsillitis. Recommended for my travel sickness, for instance, are foods including ginger, pear juice, miso, papaya, cloves, mint, crackers, rice and cinnamon, and it then points to the respective recipes and suggests a menu. There’s also a detox plan ‘if you must’, a pet food section and space to write your own eating plan.

And that kinda says it all, really. Definitely one of the most useful recipe books I’ve seen in a while, with a whole lot of healthy meals, snacks and juices that you can make pretty easily. See the food page for the rice paper rolls recipe. There are sections from breakfast – dinner, and also ‘lunchboxes’, and ‘drinks’. The pictures are lovely and seriously droolworthy.

Read this if: you suspect there may be better headache food than beer, and pumpkin and pepita muffins make you weak at the knees.

Last Ever This Night Creeps Show

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At The Castle – 15th September

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Photos by Lemon

Regardless of your opinion of Marilyn Manson this book is a really interesting read. I first bought it when I was 17 because I was a huge fan. Even though I’m a little over his whole image now, it’s still a really entertaining read.

Manson comes across largely as an intelligent guy. But sadly just when you think ‘Wow, this guy is really cool’, it’s almost like he tries to restore his ‘street cred’ and revert back to his schlock. Sadly this ruins some of the more human and I think more interesting and poignant moments. Also scattered throughout are random thoughts like how to tell if you’re gay: Number 13: If you get a boner watching Gilligan. Number 14: If you don’t get a boner watching Bewitched. Childish yes but I guiltily found myself chuckling. A Long Hard Road Out of Hell: A great book and one that everyone should read.

Read this if: you can read, and if not get someone to read it to you!

REVIEWS

Films The Ant Bully

summoned whilst he was a big unaware human.

VILLAGE CINEMA

School holiday season is here again and with it the plethora of suitable and not so suitable children’s films. Sometimes however there’s something that will entertain even us adult children as well and The Ant Bully is just such a film. It’s the story of a little kid that gets picked on by the local bully and laughed at by the

Whilst this might seem fairly standard fodder for your average children’s film, there’s lots here for adults to sink their mandibles into as well. The humour is aimed at all age levels without being too scary for ankle biters and there’s a large dollop of morality story that provides a parental solution to bullying. Strong roles for both genders and pro-collaboration messages for urban youth are delivered without gory violence,

seems to borrow heavily from Star Wars, with just the right amount of cheekiness that

other kids who are all too scared to do anything themselves. Frustrated, the kid takes out his

condescension or product placement. All this is dispatched at a fair pace without narrative

is not unrecognisable to the child viewer. It comes at the right time with enough feel good

anger at an anthill on his front yard. This is no ordinary ant colony however; it’s populated by animated celebrity voiced anthropomorphic ants who possess magical powers that cause the kid known as ‘Peanut the Destroyer’ to become as little as they are. When this happens, Peanut learns the ant ways of teamwork and the value of the individual to eventually battle the arch baddie exterminator whom he inadvertently

lapses or boredom inducing absurdities and it makes for a very watchable film. The animation has enough detail to want to keep watching after the first scan and the music is neither bland nor intrusive, although occasionally it does provide the adult viewer with an ironic twist to what would otherwise be predictable.

impetus to smooth over the extreme cheese and prepares for cinematic departure without that modern sense of disappointment that so often accompanies familial movie experiences.

Here is an animation that doesn’t resort to singing penguins, ridiculous storylines involving cars as an expression of individual freedom or monstrous cruelty disguised as humour. See it with or without the kids.

Reviewed by Joe Citizen

Rialto

By Leigh McGeady

The end of the film is easily recognised and

Check production details, the reality is that we don’t have permits for the cast or crew.

Instead of giving you a big spiel about the film like I usually do I will instead cut and paste an excerpt from Richard’s book Wah-Wah Diaries which you could be in to win when you come and see this film just by writing your name on the back of your ticket stub…

When I inform her about the work-permit f----up, she nonchalantly exhorts me to ‘go and shmooze the Swazi government’. Like I don’t have enough to do.

‘Cannot quite believe this is it, but reality noses in fast when Charlie Watson, the assistant director, appears grim-faced and reports that morale is very low, there is still no cash flow, and - worst of all - despite my bleating for the past two years to my French producer, Marie-Castille, to get work permits sorted, and despite being told by MC not to concern myself with these

Conference call with the producers and coproducers online together for the first time and I am stupefied to hear MC drumming up compliments for herself in the absence of any being offered, verbally stroking herself for how hard she has worked.

When I ask her who precisely she dealt with when she was last out here, and to email me her paperwork, she says, ‘Oh, that fat old Swazi guy,’ and ‘No, I don’t have any paperwork.’

I suppose the only ‘consolation’ is that a dozen other people witness this quite staggering response. She tops it off by declaring that she can’t wait to get out here and ‘produce’.

Five days to start of shooting. Two weeks after I was instructed to beg the Department for Culture, Media and Sport for late-application leeway, I’m now about to beg the ‘fat old Swazi guy’, to quote our absent ‘leader’, for clemency over our work permits.

At precisely 8.30am, Lynne-Anne, an IMG production executive, and I pitch up at the ministry as instructed. The Minister wastes no time and detonates a half-hour bombardment directed solely at me.

It’s the single most humiliating and abusive bollocking I have ever suffered. It boils down to ‘YOU WILL NOT START FILMING ON MONDAY THE 7th’.’

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On the 28th of this month we have a film written and directed by Richard E. Grant called WahWah starting its season with us, fresh from the International Film Festival circuit. This film is based upon Richard’s childhood as it follows him through his parent’s traumatic separation and stars some fabulous actors and actresses such as Gabriel Byrne, Miranda Richardson, Emily Watson and Julie Walters.

A very popular film in the film fest, and a must see one at that! Don’t miss out!

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By The Panther Hello everyone, my name is Joe, and I’m going to the gym.

I’m not a regular gym goer. In fact, my main form of exercise is surfing – surfing the Internet, that is. I’ve been inspired by fantastic reality TV shows like “The Biggest Loser” and “I’m Obese – Somebody Help Me!” Thing is, though, if I lost any weight, I’d fall through the cracks in storm-water drains.

That’s right – I’m a skinny guy. My reason for going to the gym is to put on some weight/muscle and tell the world about it.

Of course, there’s more to it than that. My job is to report the whole spectrum of gym-related activities. Whatever torture this means putting myself through for the readers of Nexus – strenuous aerobics classes, weightlifting, hip-hop classes – I’ll be there to write about it.

Tip # 7 : In this special edition tip - well it isn’t a tip. You heard me, it’s not a tip ‘What the hell is it going to be then?’ I hear you ask. It’s a day in the life of a muscle man. It was the 15th of September 2006 and this is how things went down. After handing in two assignments a few days late I had the rest of the day free so I decided to attend the biology mingle (which I thought implied that all the ladies were single, more on that later).

5:10pm. So we turned up at the bio thing and had too many drinks and got a little bit loud, by the way the blonde girl serving drinks who didn’t want to sit and talk with us, just because we wanted to talk doesn’t mean we were going to jump on top of you and start humping so the point that you have a boyfriend is kind of irrelevant.

8:05pm. We left the bio mingle after we were yelled at for building beer bottle pyramids and there was no alcohol left except Waikato.

This week I began my gym journey with an Assessment.

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It started with the gym calling me to let me know that a suitable trainer had been found to pinch and prod bits of me, in order to find out what gym programme suited me best. On arrival I was guided to a dimly-lit room where an attractive woman looked me over, smiled, and told me to take my shirt off. Wracked with nervousness and worrying slightly about BO, I was poked over with a pen and a tape measure, and little X’s were marked all over me. Then I was pinched with a thing that looked like a cross between a meat hook and a protractor. The woman told me this was for a body-fat assessment, rather than a bizarre form of ritual abuse. I let it slide. She also checked my height (tape measure again) and stuck me on some scales to check my weight. I confidently expected her to flick the display and say “Is this thing on?” but she didn’t. Too polite.

8:25pm. Picked up a wooden pallet from the side of the road, the perfect gift.

8:26pm. We went to Jenna’s 20th birthday party, where I met the blonde chick from ABBA but she refused to sing us a song.

8:45pm. Started to get a little bit bored so I uncoiled a fire hose and pretended it was my penis.

She totted up some figures and flipped through a copybook to find out

8:46pm. Little man from the hostel made me put it away (I forget, are they midgets or dwarfs?).

what weight range I was. Expecting to be placed in the “Paris Hilton/Heroin Addict” bracket, I was immensely surprised to find myself squarely in the “average” weight range.

8:47pm. Steven Gerkcum set a girl’s hair on fire but in his defence, it was slightly funny…until she started to cry…then it was very funny.

Additionally, I had to fill out a sheet with all the interesting diseases I haven’t had, and what I aimed to get out of the gym (gain weight, have fun.)

This over, I was told I could head along to the gym the following week, to get shown the ropes by a trainer.

9:02pm. Got bored again so uncoiled the fire hose all the way while running away and sliced my hand open as it jerked back.

9:26pm. In bed watching BBC news. A good night had by all and by all I mean just me.

I’m looking forward to it. How hard could it be?

Next week – Joe starts his training and we meet his female counterpart who’s also joined the Uni Rec. Can they manage to look even hotter in bikinis for summer than they already do? Stay tuned.

If you’re keen to join Joe and co and fitten up, check out the Uni Rec Centre.

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8:07pm. Whilst waiting for my associates to meet me down stairs I met a smoking hot Biology Masters student. I may have forgotten your name but you were HOT! At that stage I was a little hazy in the brain.

Opal Nera Recipe Winners The lucky Roger B (Apple Heaven) and Jillian (Rainbow Warrior Opal) should come and grab their free bottles.

That’s it, guys. Hope you enjoyed yourselves.

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