issue 24

Issue 24 路 9 October 2006

Dunedinville Making Music in Hamilton Middle East on Campus Interview with The Datsuns

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

YOUR SAY

Questions 1. Do you like boys or girls?

2. What should every guy know about girls?

3. What’s the most important thing you’ve learnt from the opposite sex?

4. Who is your favourite member of the opposite sex?

5. What is your favourite thing about the opposite sex?

Santa 1

Santa DOS

AV Santa

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Both – depends how good they are this year Men are from Mars, women are from Venus Don’t trust them Mrs. Clause Boobs!

Both How to spend money on them How to milk reindeer Michael Jackson – he likes little boys too Big Sacks

Girls – especially young ones They grow woolly hair You can’t beat them Uncle Jim Their moustaches

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

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ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

FUN TIMES

Party Review

By Skot and JR

I wanna take you to a gay bar!

First off to all the emo’s out there that keep sending me abusive texts, why don’t you go write a poem. Seriously calling me a faggot is a bit rough since you are the ones that wear make up. I strongly suggest you all take a few antidepressants and start listening to real music, or just glance at Boganology 101 a bit more frequently next year.

Secondly I would like to mention the party happening on Saturday the 15th of October at 91 Master Ave. All are welcome, all you have to do to get in the gate is bring this party review with you for instant access to the party.

If you would like to meet JR and myself, come along. Just don’t forget to bring this article. Oh and all dominations are welcome. Yes, the fellow emo community is welcome too.

Anyways the party I reviewed this week was a tea party and from the picture you should be able to figure out that the tea was cock flavour. I didn’t get to sample the tea unfortunately, as I believed it to be too salty.

However, many off the guests that fell asleep got to sample the many variants.

That’s basically all that happened at that party, hence the extra low rating, because it’s wrong to suck on another mans balls, right? Finally I won’t be able to review any more parties this year, but feel free to invite me and JR over to your shin-digs in the summer break.

Top Three Quotes

Is your dad a terrorist? Because baby, you’re the bomb.

Sorry girl, but if my pants aren’t at my ankles don’t open your mouth!

Party Rating: 2/10

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

Do you want to star in my porno?

Send all abusive txts to 0274 279 319

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ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

Articles 17 He Says, She Says Guy & Gal impart thoughts 20 A Guys’ Guide to Girls’ Stuff Be a cooler dude with this info 21 Killingtimeline of women in NZ history Pretty self-explanatory 22 Vampires Anonymous Learn about emotional dependency 23 Dunedinville 26 Middle East on Campus 46 Smoke, Mirrors and The Datsuns

News 8–13 Tree vs Cars ‘Everyday Devices’ Art Landmark Contract Signed Pay Equity Not Yet Happening Government’s KiwiSaver Scheme New Art Space in Liberry SJS and Summer A Night at the Pictures Staff Warn of Student Buy-in Nexus Haiku News

Regulars 05 Party Review 06 I’ve Got 5 On It 07 Editorial 14 Lettuce 26 WSU columns 24 Gig Guide 26 Average Joe’s Gym 33 Notices 34 Muscle Man’s tips 34 Femme Fatale 35 Magic 8 Ball 35 Word Freak

36 Chuck and Benjo 36 Split Decision 37 Boganology 101 37 Classic Rock Review 38 Uncle Jim 39 Comics 40 Food 42 Citric 43 DVDs 44 Books 45 Film 47 Busted

CREDITS EDITOR

Dawn Tuffery nexus@waikato.ac.nz

Editorial

By Dawn ‘Homer, would you like to present your rebuttal?’

‘With pleasure!’

DESIGNER

Matt Scheurich

Ah, there’s a Simpsons quote for everything.

graphics@nexus.npl.co.nz ADVERTISING MANAGER

Tony Arkell admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz 021 17 66 180 NEWS EDITOR

Joshua Drummond news@nexus-npl.co.nz MUSIC EDITOR

M. Emery htownslut@gmail.com BOOKS EDITOR

Michelle Coursey FEATURE

Olivia Miles, Nick Corban, Gary Oliver, Dana and Julia, Emily.

COVER ART

Ben Thomson (Email garyteko@gmail.com if you want any awesome design work done) CONTRIBUTORS THIS ISSUE:

Alana Fergusson, Andrew Neal, Mazzy, Olivia Miles, Mo, Jianhui Bi, Boulanger, Jeff Rule, Skot, Brie Jessen, Burton C. Bogan, Nick Maarhuis, Leigh McGeady, The Panther, Chuck and Benjo, Special K and Vitamin C, M. Emery, Gary Oliver, Hazazel, Kazuma Namioka, Joe Citizen, Josh Drummond, ASPA, AKA, WSU. Nexus: Loving girls, boys and everyone in between since before they were cool.

The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus Publications 2003 Ltd, any of our advertisers, WSU or APN Media.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

To contact Nexus: Email nexus@waikato.ac.nz Ph 07 838 4653 Fax 07 838 4588 Mail Nexus Publications, Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

A common mistake made by people criticising the money ‘spent on’ Nexus is getting the figures wrong.

Here is what the WSU currently pay towards Nexus in a year, straight from the accountant person’s mouth: • $1250+GST for the 8 WSU pages in Nexus every issue. This is 15.6% of what other advertisers would pay for that space.

• $20,000 for the printing of the Student Diary, which is then produced by Nexus.

That’s it. If you do the maths, that simply isn’t $100,000+. And even then, that money isn’t actually ‘rescue’ or ‘waste’, it’s WSU exchanging a comparatively small amount of money for a service.

Often known as ‘trade’ or ‘purchase’.

What you may be referring to, very obliquely, is recent discussions on whether WSU should at least temporarily increase the per issue amount to cover some shortfall. As yet, nothing is set in concrete and it will be eventually up to students to vote on that and decide what importance they place on Nexus’ continuation.

I’m definitely biased because I think Nexus is great, but surely paying roughly $4.80 per student per year towards 27 issues of an excellent 48 page magazine, a student diary and a wallplanner is a pretty sweet deal in anyone’s book? I have a suspicion that the average student would rate their weekly Nexus above WSU legal fees, admin costs or executive members attending conferences, which, among many other things, cost them the rest of the $85 levy. Those things are certainly important, but when allegedly representing 10,000 constituents you should probably take their daily priorities into account. I’ll take a stab and guess that Nexus is the most popular, most tangible and most widely utilised

Just to blow our own trumpet some more, Nexus has gone up and up this year. Design-wise, it’s looking better than it’s ever looked and that’s reflected by the pickup rate. We organised a change to glossy paper at no increased cost. Interaction and contributions from students are at their highest in years, as the busy letters page demonstrates. We’ve had plenty of strong news and feature content. The Nexus web presence is finally happening, with over 100 people discussing issues in our new forum.

Feedback on the whole has been overwhelmingly positive. Hell, we haven’t even been sued lately.

The WSU don’t own Nexus Publications 2003 Ltd to make money, although it’s hoped it will break even.

They own it to provide services to their members.

This is something that exec members need to remember. There’s definitely room for NPL 2003 to improve its financial performance but it’s not quite as simple as just trying harder to get more ads.

I agree that independence for Nexus would be fantastic. However, it’s not close and needs to be headed towards with thought and good management from the Board of Directors and staff. Similar magazines with independence and a lot going for them, such as Fusion and Lucid, have folded because they didn’t have that association backup. If students want to keep Nexus alive, it’s not unreasonable for WSU to play a part in that if it hits a bump.

Incidentally, the cat piano is Matt’s standard space filler and running in-joke, rather than a direct comment on material.

How much financial support student magazines should receive from their parent associations is always going to be a matter for debate. It’s a complex issue and needs robust discussion.

But quoting blatantly wrong figures and decrying performance without sufficient background knowledge is not the right place to start.

What do you guys think? If my assumptions are right or wrong, let us and the WSU know. Send your thoughts on Nexus, what you think of it and its relationship with WSU to nexus@waikato.ac.nz or comment on the Nexus forum.

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

www.nexusmag.co.nz

To be honest, I tend to edit and forget the WSU pages mostly. But claims that are essentially false need correcting, so I’m forced to stir my weary loins and respond to Renee Rewi’s blurb on page 31. The main flaw is in the repetition of a claim she made last week about how WSU is pouring over $100,000 a year into Nexus to ‘prop it up’. Right.

service the WSU provide for their members.

I presume your implications of a negative performance from Nexus as a company are based purely on finances – i.e. how many ads we procured this year and whether that total covers our costs.

Fair enough, but there are other performance aspects I’d urge you to consider.

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Cars vs. Tree: Tree Wins.

A large tree toppled over, smashing into three cars and causing damage along staff car parks behind the FASS buildings last Monday morning.

The bottom of the road that leads from the bike racks area up behind the FASS buildings was blocked off for around two hours, as tree care specialists dismantled the fallen tree.

It is not known why the tree fell over, but was probably most likely due to the strong weather that battered Hamilton the weekend before. Jeff Hawkes, the WSU Disabled Students officer, who has studied arbourculture, said that the age of the tree was likely a factor.

It is not known who owned the three cars most affected by the accident, but a rumour has surfaced that one of them was not supposed to be parked there. We don’t actually know if this is

By Andrew Neal

true, but it does make the article marginally more interesting.

The car parks affected were directly next to the yellow stairs that lead towards ITS. One student, Vicky Peachy, said that she was completing a test while the tree was being cut up, and complained that the noise from the chainsaws disturbed her concentration.

Hawkes also said that the tree’s falling could have greater implications that immediately evident.

“Generally more than half a tree’s biomass is underground and that once a tree is removed there can be effects long after the original accident.”

There are a lot of old trees around campus and this incident could have wider implications for the entire University.

No trees could be contacted for comment prior to deadline.

Art In Arts Centre ‘Cool’

By Josh Drummond A new art exhibition, the spectacular “Everyday Devices” is on display at the Performing Arts Centre from 1st-30th October. We’ve seen it, we like it, and we’ll recommend it, but we’ll leave it to the artist to tell you what the fuck it’s actually all about: “All the works in Everyday Devices address the transience of human life and the notion of mortality. Our short lives are quite manipulated within our cultural constructs.

Jurisich takes as her informing idea the concept that whatever country one is born or brought up in there are cultural aspects of that society that one becomes involved with. This may evolve over generations; it might be quite discreet; but it is no less

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

influential. In fact societal patterns and cultural constraints are far more influential than is readily recognized. In Jurisich’s opinion they can also be iniquitous. All she asks is that we consider this idea.”

Yeah. Consider it, damn you. Check it out.

It’s all cool bicycle wheels and tape and shit.

Landmark Contract Signed

By Josh Drummond

A contract between the Waikato Students Union and Te Ranga Ngaku (the Maori Management Student’s Association) to provide services for Maori Management Students was finally signed on 28 September 2006.

Ngaku contract comes after lengthy discussions between the parties and their legal counsel.

Waikato Students Union President Sehai Orgad said that it was “great” to get the contract issues resolved. She said the fine details of the contract had been worked out in a matter that was satisfactory to all parties.

getting things done this year properly and aided everything turning out as well as it did.”

She was at pains to point out student money would not be wasted, and that TRN would concentrate on providing services to its constituents. “Something we put in the contract is any money not spent by the end of the year will be refunded to WSU.”

The signing comes after a motion to introduce the contract was passed at the Open Student

“It [the contract] pretty much specifies what kind of services have been and are provided for

The outgoing Maori Student’s officer, Renee Rewi, said that although the contract had been resolved

Meeting of April 12 of this year. The contract grants Te Ranga Ngaku $136000 with which they aim to provide services to Maori management students.

our MMS, and ensures that funds are there to continue providing services,” she said. “Statistics show that up to 70% of Maori do not graduate from a university level course. These stats show that we need to provide more support for our Maori tauira, and the contract is one way of helping do this.”

“in a satisfactory manner,” she still had concerns about the process that had led to the contract eventually being granted.

Te Ranga Ngaku requested the contract after they separated from the previous Maori students association, Komiti Awhina, which was dissolved after being struck off the Companies register in 2005 after allegedly failing to provide financial statements for several years running. The Komiti Awhina offices in the WSU building were recently emptied and locked.

The Te Ranga Ngaku contract languished in legal limbo after the OSM, with executive members debating the contract’s validity – a tricky issue, as the only Maori students’ organisation given official recognition in the WSU constitution was Komiti Awhina. The decision to sign the Te Ranga

Michelle Anderson, the Te Ranga Ngaku chairperson, said that now the process was complete TRN could begin to fulfil functions that were previously denied them due to lack of finances and an official WSU affiliation.

“Obviously, we’re happy that it finally happened, although the process was perhaps longer than I originally anticipated,” she said. “I fully have respect for the WSU, and we had a lot of challenges on this – which made us more aware of how we’ve got to use this appropriately and positively. I think that helped us concentrate on

Pay Equity Not Yet Happening

“My thoughts about the contract have always been about process… I have ensured that all was done to protect student money, and if this meant delaying in signing until all aspects were in the interest of student money - then I can honestly say I did my job,” she said.

Sehai Orgad said that now all the issues had been resolved, it was time for the parties to “move forward.” “I think that this is definitely a positive move for the WSU, because we will have reports on what kind of services are being provided by TRN, and how well they are functioning as well as how best to provide services for all students at Waikato University,” she said.

around 83%. In real terms, this means female graduates on average earn $8,000 less than their male counterparts,” said Jones.

The recently released New Zealand Income

is unacceptable that women continue to earn

Survey, showing a decrease in the gap between

13% less than men on average”.

“More women than ever before are studying

women students, however it shows that New

The New Zealand Income Survey shows that

graduation does not reflect this. It is time for

Zealand still has significant work to do in order

average hourly earnings for women have

achieve equity in the workplace.

increased from $17.93 to $18.96. For men the

the income of men and women, is pleasing to

gender pay gap has decreased, with women

gender pay gap increase, so we are pleased

now earning on average only 87% of men’s

at this change”, said Jennifer Jones, National

earnings, compared to 82% in 2005.

Women’s Rights Officer of the New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA).

“In addition, there is still evidence that the

“While we welcome this decrease, however, it

gender pay gap for tertiary graduates is still

the Government and employers to start valuing women’s work and career choices,” said Jones.

“The current user-pays environment burdens women with debt, and then they are not renumerated fairly in the work-force. Where is the equity in that?” asked Jones. - NZUSA

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

increase was $21.35 to $21.72. Overall, the “Female students were concerned by last years’

at tertiary level, however, their pay after

The Government’s KiwiSaver New Art scheme in a nutshell On Thursday, October 5 Labour MP and Associate Minister of Finance Clayton Cosgrove stopped by Massey Albany to talk about the Government’s KiwiSaver scheme, which will be implemented on July 1, 2007. Chris Leggett spoke to Mr Cosgrove to find out more about the scheme and to see where students and graduates fit in.

What is it?

KiwiSaver is a voluntary, work-based savings scheme that aims to help New Zealanders save money in preparation for their retirement, or to buy their first house as the case may be. “It’s for all New Zealanders and it’s basically saying ‘what kind of quality of life do you want in your retirement?’ And it’s aimed at people that aren’t saving enough,” says Mr Cosgrove. “We’re a great country, but we aren’t a great country of savers.”

How does it work?

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

The scheme encourages New Zealanders to put away savings from the

Am I locked into the scheme once I start?

No. Users can opt out by week eight of their employment, and are offered this option with each job change. They can also take a “contributions holiday”, where their contributions are temporarily put on hold. After 12 months in the scheme, KiwiSaver members can put their payments on hold for up to five years at a time.

How does it help first homebuyers?

After a minimum three years of participation, those using KiwiSaver can make a one-off withdrawal of their own savings to put towards their first home. They may also be eligible to a subsidy of $1000 for each year of savings to a maximum of five years ($5000).

Is the scheme suitable for students and graduates?

This depends heavily on your income situation at the time. On the IRD website, the KiwiSaver page states that the scheme may not be suitable for those in debt. “If you’ve got a student loan and if the

source of their primary salary or the wage is WHERE THE KIWISAVER SCHEME IS LOCATED income. You contribute decent enough, you can directly from your salary at a before-tax rate of contribute to both,” explains Mr Cosgrove. But either 4 or 8 per cent. Although KiwiSaver is for those already making the involuntary student optional, you will have to opt out of it when you loan repayments from their income, they may begin your employment. “When you go into a job want to think twice before making another such or each time you change jobs, you’ll be enrolled outlay. “That’s why it’s not compulsory.” in KiwiSaver,” says Mr Cosgrove. “You’ll have to the end of week eight to opt out. You start your Why is the Government contributions from the first day.” implementing KiwiSaver ?

“We know there’s a whole lot of baby-boomers The Government will also provide $1000 toward coming through, so it’s making a provision for each person’s savings as a “kickstart”, although that. We do have a generation who just made no access to this $1000 is restricted to avoid people provision at all. No Super, nothing. [The scheme] opting into the scheme purely for those funds. is encouraging people now to make a provision.”

This contribution gains interest and cannot be accessed until retirement. http://www.ird.govt.nz/kiwisaver/

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Space In Library

By Andrew Neal

Student artwork is to be put on display at the University of Waikato central library after library assistant Petra Jane decided the library was “bleak” and started a project to brighten things up.

The idea was taken to the library management and got the go ahead from the “powers that be” to create a student exhibit space in the library.

Petra says that she is looking for expressions of interest from students to display their work.

“I took the idea to library management and got the go ahead,” said Petra.

“We’ve only got assignment artwork on display at the moment. We’re looking for ideas and expression – it’ll help get more student culture on campus.”

At the moment the only student art is displayed in areas such as the Performing Arts Centre and teaching blocks. The idea is to display anything visual that can be hung on the wall and to include student expression on all areas of campus.

The exhibit is intended to “create discussion and healthy debate” according to Petra, and anyone that wants to be a part of the exhibits should get in touch with her at petraj@waikato.ac.nz

Student Job Search Gearing Up for Summer Season Student Job Search is currently gearing up for the summer period.

Traditionally summer is Student Job Search’s busiest time of year with thousands of students out looking for a job.

“With the days slowly getting longer and the work for summer rolling in, there is no better time for students to enrol and sort out their job for

“The team at SJS is working really hard to find work for the thousands of students who will be looking to save some money over the warmer months after their University or Polytechnic courses finish.”

“Also for employers, there has never been a better time to hire a student for skilled or semi-skilled work. I would encourage anyone looking to employ someone to consider hiring a student,” Mr Roberts concluded.

“This year we have made it even easier to get a job with SJS. Students can now log onto sjs.co.nz, enrol with us and search for a job online.”

“The average rate of pay is now $12.90 and

summer,” said Conor Roberts, chair of Student Job Search.

we are attracting more higher paying jobs for students.”

“Last summer students earned a record $53 million through jobs obtained by Student Job Search and we are hoping to top that this season.

I’d encourage any student who will be looking for a job over the summer to contact our offices.”

“In addition to the traditional jobs we attract, Student Job Search is also attracting a lot of skilled and course-related work, so people can get ahead in their field of study. That work could give students the edge they need when they finish studying.”

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

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NEWS

A Night at the Pictures

By Andrew Neal A King Kong poster autographed by Peter Jackson, a BEEGEES album signed by Dr. Who and a photo autographed by Da Vinci Code director Ron Howard are just some of the items up for auction at Film Waikato’s upcoming ‘A Night at the Pictures’ on October 27th.

The auction of all sorts of movie memorabilia and night of local film celebration is to raise funds for the upcoming local feature film “Pictures of You”.

The event, to be held at Meteor theatre, will feature displays about local film featuring blood splattered cricket bats and photos from films made around the Waikato region such as the Power Rangers film shot a couple of years ago that used Centre Place as a location.

The Waikato region has produced its share of film talent, including Greg Page, director of many music video clips and the horror flick, ‘The Locals’. An autographed Locals poster is also up for bids.

The auction even includes the opportunity to be an extra in the film, as well as the chance to spend time with TVNZ commissioner Tony Holden. Screenings of local short films will be held to showcase the talent of the area.

Additionally, the entire evening is sponsored by Stella Artois and there are rumours that there will be plenty of free beer.

Staff warn of student ‘buy-in’ Students may be able to buy their way into university courses under the proposed tertiary education funding reforms, two university staff unions have warned, in submissions to the Tertiary Education Commission (TEC).

real. “There’s basically three options ... If [the Government] is going to put a cap on enrolments, then [they] can say, ‘That’s the cap, you’re allowed twenty law students, no more,’ or [they] can say, ‘We’re going to fund twenty law students, and there are thirty and the [extra] ten want to pay the full fees themselves, including the Government contribution, that’s fine with us,’ or [they] can say, ‘We’re going to fund twenty students, and

The Association of University Staff (AUS) and the Association of Staff in Tertiary Education (ASTE) claim in the submissions that the three year funding plans required of New Zealand tertiary institutions mean that institutions might ‘sell’ places in courses to students who are prepared to pay full fees (about three times as much as the subsidised fees that students currently pay).

if ten [extra] students want to pay the [normal] student fee, and you’re prepared to wear the loss of [Government] subsidies, that’s ok as well.”

This concern comes about because the threeyear plans will effectively cap Government funding for each three-year period, meaning that institutions will only be able to accept extra students into number-restricted courses if either the student or institution can gain nonGovernment funding to cover the extra cost.

The submission AUS has made calls for the Government to prevent this possibility. “We’re arguing that the cap should be real, and no students should be allowed in beyond the cap, but that the cap mechanism should be flexible enough to ensure that it meets the needs of students... We want to keep student access,” Kelly says. She claims that if there is no regulation, the reforms will privilege those students who have the financial means to pay full, unsubsidised fees. “The rich can go in and the poor can’t, that’s the obvious thing.”

AUS General Secretary Helen Kelly says that unless the Government creates regulations to control the enrolment cap, the danger of

A spokesperson for Tertiary Education Minister Dr. Michael Cullen forwarded Critic’s questions to the TEC, but no response had been received

students buying their way into University is

by the time Critic went to print.

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

End of Semester Celebrations

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Where:

1pm WSU Village Green

Time:

1pm till 3pm 3pm ‘Hikoi’ to the Don Llewellyn

What:

Live music at both venues (Dj and live band - TBC) Free Beer, Non-Alcoholic drinks and BBQ (WSU Village Green) $1 Handles at the Don (Limited number)

NEWS

All your 17 syllable news are belong to us.

Telecom ending donations to political parties “No more gifts for politicos, Can’t afford it Share price is too low.”

Court rules two clergy can be extradited to NZ Extradition, not succour, For two priests Déjà vu, seen this one before.

Average income ‘up 4 per cent’ Income is up four percents?

People have moved Back in with their parents.

Pies may get meatier Pies don’t contain near enough meat Most of the stuff is really cow’s feet.

Taxi driver not happy with TV3 apology Clint Brown mean to Woman taxi driver “Sorry” doesn’t placate her.

Ban on advertising ‘a threat to drug companies’ Drug companies banned From ads on TV Don’t worry – we’re hooked on P.

Auckland celebrates Pacific style

It’s our civil rights struggle, says Huata Bullshit, woman, King never got A stomach-stapling operation

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

Celebrate the Pacific puha and taro and pig on a spit.

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Send yours to nexus@waikato.ac.nz, or post it in the Lettuce section of the forum.

- www.nexusmag.co.nz/forum. Last chance this year, so hurry up and get yours in by Tuesday. Letter of the week gets a $5 Campus Kiosk voucher.

Lettuce Policy

Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page – serious or otherwise. Letters should be no more than 250 words and received by 5pm on the Tuesday before publication. All letters will generally be printed so give it a bash, but the editor retains the right to abridge or refuse correspondence.

Bad spelling and grammar will not be corrected. Pseudonyms are acceptable but all letters must include your real name and contact details even if you don’t want them printed (and they won’t be printed!). We discourage the use of pseudonyms for serious letters.

Letter of the Week

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

forth and rains down drowning us all in misery and death. Enjoy your trip pal. I don’t want to be a part of it.

Sincerely, Adam.

Dear everybody...

Week after week, as I read the letters and some articles in this magazine, I cannot help but notice an overwhelming hostility between everyone. People seem to like yelling at each other an awful lot around

To the “person who really likes the mural”, People pay good money for LSD to have visuals resembling the Coke mural? I have dropped LSD a number of times and it was never for cheap visual effects, and what

uni and now, it’s even spilling over into otherwise humorous letters and articles in the nexus...

Whether it is the “gingas biting back”, or “coca cola biting back” (for the record- what the heck!!!), or emo bashing... or even just random mean comments passed from reader to writer and vice versa, containing a swear word in every sentence... and not to mention election week where people seemed to think that they would get voted in if they yelled at people enough, or at their oppositions...

Perhaps it is time to ask the question: “where is the love?”

People, try not to look in hate upon one another... and though criticism is important for development, let it not be clouded by anger and resentment...

There is enough hate in the world as it is!

People at uni are just too angry, they need to calm down, read a book

by Oscar Wilde... smell the flowers... hug a tree...

I will now lead you in a meditative reflection...

Close your eyes (you may want someone else to read the rest to you since your eyes will be closed) Relax...

Picture a cloud...

You are the cloud...

visuals I did have were certainly far more engrossing and enlightening than that gaudy mess.

Psychedelic substances have been used throughout human history in order to obtain an ontological rupture and free the mind from limiting structures, not to become enslaved to some globalised consumer spectacle. You say that Coke advertising is everywhere, so just lay back and enjoy the ride, you don’t have to buy it. Somehow I don’t think the Third World farmers and communities suffering from water shortages due to Coke’s exploitation of local resources or the Unionists murdered by Coke hired paramilitaries in South America are finding the global consumer death train that Coke is a part of the same

Driscoll. Aimee would have us believe that recruiting people to become human cogs on a soul destroying production line and engaging in advertising campaigns, sorry “sponsorship and support,” qualifies Coke for the ‘Ethical Corporation of the Year’ award. As Chuck Palahniuk writes in ‘Fight Club’, “sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.”

Your anger, hate and descriminative ways are slowly fading... fading... fading away... they seep from you as the rain would from a cloud...

Unicorns now appear and begin to dance around you...

Allow your muscles to relax as you become this cloud... with unicorns dancing around you...

Now, as I count to three you will awake refreshed and smiling, wanting to spread your happiness to each and every individual you meet... you will want to skip or leapfrog to lectures, hug trees, make daisy chains for your friends, and be compelled to listen to some Pete Murray and Jack Johnson...

1 2 3 much love, Miss. Sunshine!

joy ride you are. Your attitude helps keep it in motion even if you don’t buy drinks during the trip.

Just sit back and watch with a blank TV stare at the installation of the Nightmare Empire of Despair.

Can’t you just feel Mammon’s cock working its way up inside you, pulsating and ready to unleash a torrent of filthy black semen? And you say we should enjoy being raped by this Filthy Swine? The Great Black Swine that writhes in the blood of the Third World. The Great Black Swine whose balls the corporations and politicians are grooming us all to massage so that they can feast on the cancerous semen that gushes

and explains the threat of Global Warming in a way that even team Xtreme could understand. If you’re poor like me go on tight ass Tuesday or wait till its out on dvd…it is our obligation as ‘the educated’ to know about this stuff.

Ignorance is bliss but knowing shit and doing something about it is more satisfying than toking with a cheetah. If we don’t have our world we’ve got fuck all.

Peace Out Amigos, A concerned iceberg

Where is the love?

Come get your $5 Campus Kiosk Voucher Miss Sunshine!

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Warning: Contains cock

P.S. After writing the above I read the letter in this week’s Nexus from Coca Cola’s resident apologist Aimee

Harold, Kumar and a Convenient Inconvenience You wouldn’t want to watch Al Gore after smoking a beautiful fattie, but fuck me you have to see that movie… ‘An Inconvenient Truth’ that is. All you have to do is sit there and listen to what the old bugger has to say. He’s more onto it than Kumar

PS. Yes you should feel guilty every time you throw a can, bottle or paper in the bin…reduce then reuse and

LETTUCE then recycle - the world will love you.

Some wackos are Christians Rodgort, everyone knows there’s plenty of wackos in this world and everyone knows all too well some of them call themselves Christians, and I doubt anyone writing here meant otherwise. You’re right that taking the initiative to follow moral teaching is ultimately up to individuals, but I don’t know what makes you think Buddhists are an exception. Personally I think Christ’s teachings when he said things like “love your neighbour as yourself” and “love your enemy, and do good to those who persecute you” are pretty awesome, so its not surprising some conterfeit followers jump on the bandwagon without actually making an effort to follow these commands.

BTW my respect goes out to the Muslims who put the full-page blurb on Ramadan. Promoting values like self-restraint and spiritual growth and awareness of God seems to be rare in this otherwise superlative publication. Too bad me & my Christians bros and sis’s don’t often represent God here with such grace and reverence.

Regards Ben

are associations which don’t want to come off as enforcing their views e.g. Green Peace, especially in this time where people are into relativistic perceptions.

Marriage is a type of commitment where two people are willing to spend the rest of their lives together. For a couple which has been together for years generally they would be willing for this type of relationship and sex; Marriage is not an occasion, it’s a life commitment from the heart. The event is just a way for proving that love and commitment to others, thus making the love more tangible for the couple. Certainly no human can go around deciding what morals and

co.nz/forum) cos there ain’t enough Nexus for the both of us

rules other humans should follow, which is why some turn to religion.

To Amy for “Boo to second hand smoke”: I reckon there should be designated areas for smoking on campus.

Craig

But we have a question for you.

Why have you written a letter?

It seems quite paradoxical that you should comment how you don’t mind being called a ginga, yet write in and tell us that we are “shitheads… in a nation of shitheads.” If you don’t mind being glorified with names relevant to your red hair then why are you trying to destroy us socially, just like you have been destroyed socially by your hair colour. We, in fact, believe that you may have been affected by fumes from your hair so that you believe that orange hair is in fact (oxymoronically) “hot” and “cool.” In fact, the distinguished columnists Vitamin C & Special K have the following to say regarding ginga hair: “I am ginger and no I’m not proud

We will most definitely come to visit you at your horse club. Thank you for supporting our ginga column. And our emo column. Everyone seems to hate emos these days. Perhaps all the emos should their hair orange?

Anyways, we just want to know that we have what we call a “man crush” (see this week’s column) for you.

Love Chuck and Benjo.

because being proud of your hair colour makes you a cock-knocker but getting upset about being mocked for it makes you just a sad little emo fartsniffer.”

So all we can say is the following – get over it! It’s just satire. Beautiful red satire.

Lots of Man Love Chuck and Benjo

a lot of Government assistance so I have to work a lot to make enough money to pay my rent and have a bit to spend. I don’t have enough time for drinking a lot with other students, which seems to be the basis for the term ‘student life’.

I admit that there are the students who do achieve well and have time to have fun. But, in my opinion, student life isn’t just parties and general social mayhem for a lot of people.

And, Block 2 of Student Village, are you all international students?

Because it seems like English is your second language (your first language being Drunken Idiot).

Musings

Of course there is a great diversity in the Christian faith of present.

You get the various denominations and sects which have different beliefs or ways of interpreting the Bible. So, of course, saying that all Christians don’t hate anyone is a generalisation, one which I used because of the word limit I have to adhere to. Explaining the views of all sects with this limit would be difficult.

Yes, conflict can be very constructive or destructive, its all part of the balance and the way each party supports their views; either through force or a passive aggressive manner. I guess there

to enjoy the buses? What are we as a nation achieving with all this bollocks? WHo gives a damn about the sordid personal lives of Don Brash and Helen Clark? How come there is a move being made for less transparency into a government that we all pay to exist? Are they afraid we’ll see politicians are acting like argumentative little children when they should be governing? How can people think they will actually benefit by turning a blind eye to global warming?

I need a stiff drink.

Rodgort P.S. Craig, you can join me on the Nexus Forum (www.nexusmag.

Some Christians might hate people

Dear Fanta Pants We do believe that your possession of flaming red hair is unfortunate. And as you pointed out in your letter (and we would like to point out that we DID NOT make this link in our column) your possession of fluorescent red pubic hair. We do indeed sympathise with your unfortunate situation. In fact, Chuck knows what it is like to “go ginga” due to a failed experiment involving a blonde hair-dye kit and a filthy ginga who is the gem of his heart. It is indeed horrible.

And again Dear Keri Trim from the school of Ed Yes we would agree that there are some good looking gingas in the world. Sapphire Diane is another good example. Unfortunately, after racking our brains for a period of

But wait, there’s more Dear Vitamin C & Special K We love you. In a very sexual way.

Studentville representative?

To those who chose to respond to my opinion piece; It’s always real nice to get feedback from people. I only wish that it could’ve been done with a little more intelligence.

About the suggestion that I’m a “grandma”; it’s not like I choose to have no social life. I don’t qualify for

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

In reply to Rodgort’s letter:

We’re trying to better ourselves and contribute to society, instead of leaching of society as dole scum.

Why are we being forced into debt to do so? Why are they threatening to put us into debt at a greater rate? Are they trying to dumb NZ down? Why are all the train lines being closed when a transport crisis is around the corner? Why are bus fees gonna take a hike up just when everyone was starting

Beautiful red satire

ten minutes the next most attractive ginga we could think of was Madonna. And she’s not attractive.

Not even in a MILF way. Unless of course you like 50 year old women in leotards.

We are pleased to hear that you are no longer one of the ginger ninjas. However we are deeply saddened to observe that you have not risen up into the land of social acceptance – you did, after all, go to see Panic! at the Disco. We wish you all the best of luck for the future.

Chuck and Benjo

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LETTUCE CONTINUED To Mat; you’re right, I wouldn’t know anything about Otago student life. And, being honest, watching students studying is really boring.

But, Studentville does indeed make the claim of showing what students (not just SOME students) are really doing, and then shows images

what’s happening in Hamilton is Emo kids are being thrown off buildings by guys who wear their hats backwards (dude…… the nineties finished seven years ago, didn’t you get the memo?

Or were you too busy playing with your tamagotchi).

Then we turn to the inside: Emo

of drunken retards being, well, drunken and retarded. And, unless my eyes deceive me, I didn’t see any students on the show who were balancing study and partying. Unless you count drinking kegs in a park as working towards your degree.

Besides, the show is crap.

Benny

kids banned from every bar in town (but Charmers?) even Sohl Bar. I’m pretty sure Sohl Bar pays it’s bills with the emo currency, the wah (ten sobs to a wah). Isn’t half the staff at Sohl Bar emo too? Dude…….. whoever wrote that article probably doesn’t go to Sohl Bar…….. or at least can’t afford the drinks ( No hard feelings……….I’m in the same boat after space fascists took over

TypeWrong Howdy, I noticed in Issue 23 of Nexus, on page 12, there’s an advertisement for TypeWrite Ltd. “Call now to book in for your consultation and we’ll producethe professional CV you want!”

Note the lack of a space. Ironic huh.

Neptune

Dear whoever cares to listen The other day, walking to uni, a car of what I can only describe as “rotary driving, homohawk wearing, pink polo shirt hoarding, energy pill taking louts” went hurtling by, screaming “emo fag” out the window while nearly riding up onto the footpath in their hurry to hurl abuse at me. This

my workplace and turned me into a video slave).

Even Dean Iscariot………. I mean Ballinger……… in Count Hamula, tells emo kids to ‘panic at their own disco’; something hard to do when you’re banned from every disco in town.

Now hey…….. all these things are hilarious! Emo kids being hurled off buildings? They can land on their feet, no matter how high you push them from. Emo kids being banned from town? Who wants to go to town for a cry when crying is so much more satisfying at home! And ‘panic at your own disco’? Gold!

Unfortunately not all you readers are this well humoured, as illustrated by the bottle of VB which went by my head last night. Showing a moron

happens all the time, no big deal.

Just the price you pay for having such nice hair I guess………….

But last night, going for a run and a whiskey (it’s a reward system, try it out!) with my flatmate, a Subaru Legacy went screaming by, yelling the same type insults at us, then throwing a half full bottle of Victoria Bitter at us, a bottle which barely missed us. This is a new experience for me and my flatmate.

Who to blame, who to blame…………..

Well, Nexus! Sure! Why not? I mean, one need only look at the cover of the latest Nexus to see what’s happening in Hamilton and

last weeks nexus is like giving a Australian “The Protocols of Zion” and then expecting him to hang out with Spielberg. It’s more likely that he’ll go drink some tequila and start quoting “Mein Kampf” at the local police force (who are obviously controlled by “The Five Jew Bankers”).

So pretty much, the point is thus: keep Nexus away from retards. Like a gun, it’s an awesome time, but not when you were in the 1st XV at Boys High. Then it’s a dangerous time.

So don’t hate Nexus, hate jocks.

And hug an emo kid. They’re getting it rough out there.

Focker

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

Emo bashing fallout?

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The quality of guys/girls in Hamilton Olivia: Well, having lived in Ireland I appreciate that New Zealanders a generally pretty spunky.

They’re mostly healthy and athletic looking, with a good skin tone compared to the ghostly white underdeveloped Irish breed of ‘men’.

It’s not a problem finding attractive guys around Hamilton, but unfortunately it’s quite hard to find guys with the whole package. I’ve been with some guys who may be gorgeous, but are complete knuckleheads I just can’t tolerate. One fabulously gorgeous guy I knew told me earnestly that his Grandfather had died in World War III. Such a waste of a beautiful body.

I really like having someone who I can have an intellectual conversation with. I find brains and intelligence to be really sexy, irresistible even.

they are the greatest things ever created.

a Beyonce head flick.

There is definitely a growing trend for spunkier women to be found everywhere but nightclubs, much to the detriment of a lot of males without huge amounts of game who tend to rely on good old Dutch Courage when breaking the ice. Also girls tend to find it a bit strange to be hit on or even have a conversation with a complete stranger while queuing for McDonalds or purchasing toilet paper, so that’s not recommended for beginners.

Features of the opposite sex you find attractive

The major problem in finding an attractive woman in Hamilton is finding one that is single. The cream of each crop is usually snatched up and held on too like a schoolyard bully hangs on to his chocolate Primo. It’s not unusual to hear your flatmate bleat his heart out about the amazing

I find that girls secretly like cockiness, which goes with the confidence. I don’t know why, maybe it’s just a playful thing, girls like the show and bravado. A guy with a swagger stands out amongst the timid guys. But a guy can kill it, there’s a fine line between being a confident

The most attractive thing a guy can have is confidence.

Confidence is something you notice right away by the way he holds himself, walks, and communicates.

Attraction for men starts with physical attraction pure and simple, and this differs from man to man. One man may charge in head first at a girl with large breasts...

woman he met the night before, how they just ‘clicked’, and how 45 minutes later her boyfriend came over, shoved him into the urinal in the bathroom and made him eat the cake.

The thing that’s great about New Zealand guys is they have a rugged handsomeness about them. It’s cool when they’re into looking after themselves (no-one likes stubble rash), but there is such a thing as going over the top. An example of this is a guy I knew who had a bigger skincare range than I did.. I found it a bit disturbing when he asked me to put concealer on him to hide his ‘under eye shadows’.

Due to the shortage of available, socialising, attractive women a horrible trend is emerging.

It’s a demographic I like to call the ‘average with attitude’. These females hold a warped, highly inflated opinion of themselves that does not match their attractiveness. Increased amount of attention from disgruntled munters having a crack after striking out or being too fearful to approach the handful of genuinely attractive females instantly inflates these average beings’ egos to the point that accidentally bumping in to one will lead to abusive commentary, usually finishing with “you ain’t getting none of this!” with

cocky guy that’s super-appealing and being an arrogant dick that you just want to slap.

Another attractive trait is the ability to dance up a storm on the dance-floor. If a guy can dance, he’s got rhythm and confidence. They say a guy who’s good on the dance floor is also good in bed. Its’ so much fun when an attractive guy whirls you away for a dance, but not so fun if they’re ‘too cool’ and just want to lean on the bar with their mates. It’s just like the movies; the guy who gets his groove on gets the girl.

Nicholas: Attraction for men starts with physical attraction pure and simple, and this differs from man to man. One man may charge in head first at a girl with large breasts, the other a big lady with ‘cankles’. Whatever a girl looks like, she

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

Being able to talk passionately about engaging topics is a huge aphrodisiac. Of course, physical attractiveness is important too. It’s great when you can find a nice balance.

Nicholas: Girls in Hamilton tend to get a harsh review internally; ‘shit’ ‘average’ etc, though the out-of-towners (eg. raiding Jafas) tend to think

Olivia: The most attractive thing a guy can have is confidence. Confidence is something you notice right away by the way he holds himself, walks, and communicates. A guy who isn’t afraid to approach you and looks you right in the eye is appealing.

I’ve seen some average guys pull absolute stunners just because they’re confident and not afraid to approach.

17

HE SAYS, SHE SAYS

Personally, I recommend the gym because I like athletic guys. It’s a great place to go and check out guys with nice bodies from afar, before getting the courage to go up and start a friendly conversation. must have that ‘x’ factor in his eye. This can often lead to dodgy decision making. Pulling a stunner with a brain the size of a pea is a common problem, but many men are willing to pay the price of shallow relationship for a ‘trophy wife’.

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

For men such as myself who see looks as a

Other social places that are great to meet people are at parties, sports events, lectures and tutorials, and just other generally social places.

A general rule is the better-lit at the venue, the less seedy - and the more likely you’ll make a good connection with someone genuine. This also applies for bars and clubs in town if you really feel

doorway and not an end, we tend to delve into other areas. Challenge is a big one, being hard to get, exclusive, or just plain aloof greatly increases attraction. People who debate this with me can take the following test. Four stunning women approach you from across the bar, three of them are all over you, laughing at your jokes, commenting on your outstanding new white sneakers, whilst the last one completely ignores you. Sure, you take home one or all three of the girls that were into you, but you still find the final girl itching at your skin, ever so more attractive than the others.

the need - the darker, the dodgier.

Best place to meet/pickup guys/girls Olivia: I think the most successful relationships start from when people are introduced by mutual friends. It depends what you’re looking for. I think town is probably the worst place to meet nice guys, because they’re all just looking for some action, not something more meaningful.

Being drunk often gives the ‘wuss’ or average man the courage to approach women, who may hopefully be in an equally drunken stupor.

Such tactics are not recommended for seeking long-term partners. One’s own social circles usually provides the answer for the average man, allowing the average man to be himself, not

Personally, I recommend the gym because I like athletic guys. It’s a great place to go and check out guys with nice bodies from afar, before getting the courage to go up and start a friendly conversation. It’s also a great way to break the ice if you meet them in the outside world, by saying ‘yeah… I’ve seen you at the gym!’ (while secretly

trying to impress/win over/or seek approval of potential partners which leads to very unattractive wuss-bag behaviour eg. over complimenting, submission etc. Women are able to see the average man in his normal state, which is of course, normal, and if he can stay aloof for long enough he will pull. Beware of telling the average man about an attracted potential suitor,

thinking – ‘hmm maybe you could bench-press me sometime!’)

as this can instantly bring back approval seeking behaviour, killing his chances instantly.

If you’re looking for a quality, compatible guy, have a look in places where your interests lie. For example, I like playing golf, so going out playing with a group of people who enjoy the sport is a good way to bond and connect with someone nice. Plus, the girl/guy ratio at the golf club always ‘swings’ in the girl’s favour!

For the 2% of men that do have game in some form, anywhere and anywhere is ok. In fact, the further away from night clubs the better. Simply put on that cocky, confident, funny charm and rock up to the girl at uni/her workplace/the table next to you as you read this (think Maverick in Top Gun, without the singing). Your doing so will be

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Nicholas: This depends on your level of game.

As roughly 98% of men have little to no game whatsoever, I will start with the large majority existing in this category. For those men that still desperately hang on to their horrific social conditioning from mum (be nice to girls, buy them flowers, etc), Mum doesn’t tell the truth! She wanted to jump on the bad boy biker in leathers that lived 4 houses down when she was 16! It’s best to go out on a bender or look within your own social circles.

so different from the behaviour exhibited by the plethora of average men that surrounds her she will instantly categorise you as something special.

Beware this is for gamesters only, as women are not used to this behaviour from men. Be cocky funny you bastard! But don’t alienate her.

Mistakes guys/girls make in the early stages GUYS: Being too keen – I met this guy from Wellington, and gave him my number, and the next day he was ringing me constantly, texting, and even offering to fly me down to Wellington to stay with him. I think if a guy’s too keen, it shows neediness. Don’t be too eager, because it just freaks girls out, and reeks of desperateness.

Trying too hard to impress – the more you talk about how ‘badass’ your car is, or how wicked you are on the sports field, the smaller I’ll think your penis is. Sure, a small amount of expensive cologne is nice, but when you’re wearing loads of the toxic kind, it’s nauseating. Looking like your hair could cause a hazardous oil slick when swimming, is never a good look.

Not pursuing - Another mistake guys make in the early stages is not ringing or texting when they like a girl. Girls like being pursued, and hate having to chase. But don’t go over the top.

GIRLS: Getting full on - your Dad maybe really cool, but I only met you last week!

Folding – she was a tough nut to crack but now she hugs you in class and wants you to make every decision in your new combined life. You have to fold at some point, but don’t become a pushover!

Being possessive/controlling - I’m sick of losing troops to manipulative women that know they have bagged a wuss/submissive man. That

HE SAYS, SHE SAYS

For the 2% of men that do have game in some form, anywhere and anywhere is ok. In fact, the further away from night clubs the better.

conditioning starts in the early stages of a relationship. Those are your pants, buddy!

People to avoid in town GUYS: The Grinder – The guy who comes up uninvited and grinds into you from behind when you’re

and make a dash.

GIRLS: Fat Chicks with Confidence – Some people out there are attracted fat chicks, I’m not one of them. Fat chicks that think they can pull scare me.

dancing. Does this actually work for anyone?

The Group-Circler – This guy tries his moves on every girl in the circle of friends dancing on the dance floor. Then dances off feeling completely humiliated by the group of girls pointing and laughing at him.

The Groper – I can’t stand guys who come up and grope girls. Ever heard of personal space?

The Man-whore – This guy is a walking Chlamydia infection and will shag any female that moves.

Their reputation precedes them. Avoid at all costs.

The ‘She Looked at Me… It Must Be LOVE’ Guy – This guy will relentlessly stalk you for the entire night, just because you were unfortunate enough to catch his eye, and won’t take ‘NO’ for an answer.

Chick Groper – Groping can be fun, provided it’s playful, not aimed at the crotch and from an attractive girl or a female friend taking the piss. Anything outside of this description is just weird. I know you may have been groped by some individual earlier, but it does not give you the right to perform a ‘scoop’ underneath my crotch.

The Dancing Stalker– Keep following me around the dance floor, conveniently place yourself within viewing space, real smooth lady. You think we haven’t noticed yet?

The Slag – Depending on who you are, your morals, your religious beliefs or lack of, you may enjoy the slag as entertainment. You know who she is. The one lingering around professional footballers and always the last to leave The Outback The Cougar - A new breed that’s an old breed: Older women offering cash and a tonne of sexual experience. It depends on who you are whether you see them as an annoyance or a pleasure.

The Professional Football Player – Featured in the latest Woman’s Weekly with his wife and children gushing about his perfect home-life and fabulous relationship. Now he’s out on the booze with the rugby boys groping every female as if it’s his godgiven right.

All girls are looking for a guy that makes them feel beautiful inside and out. Compliments are a good way to make a girl feel wanted.

Older seedy guys – No, I don’t want your wrinkled ass to buy me a drink. Go home to your wife and adult children. The best tactic is to remind them that they’re old enough to be your grandfather

What guys should know about girls

Don’t be afraid to approach a girl if you think she’s attractive, most girls won’t make the first move. Also, a lot of my attractive friends complain that guys are too intimidated to approach them.

So, the hot girls are generally just dying to be approached!

Cheesy one-liners are a BIG turn off, come up with something original, or just say a simple “hey, I’m…” to start a conversation.

Girls love guys who can make them laugh. Girls love feeling appreciated, they want a man who is going to make them feel special.

What girls should know about guys Unfortunately, men are always attracted by looks initially, so if you don’t make him tick nothing’s going to happen, at least not without alcohol. But chances are someone out there digs you in some way or form. Every guy has at least one ‘x’ factor they can not explain.

The extremely accurate evidentially based statistic claiming that 98% of men don’t have game is dead on. Have some patience, men you may put on pedestals before actually getting to know can turn out to be very unattractive. With timid men it is best to take action rather than wait.

Of the 2% of men that have game, about 1.7% of such can be stereotyped as players. Most guys that have the gift know it and parade it round like Excalibur hanging from their belt, albeit a tainted, evil Excalibur used to break hearts and lay waste to innocent women. This wouldn’t be a problem but if it weren’t for the fact that genuine guys with game exhibit identical behaviour, cocky funny humour, confidence, challenge, without the multiple simultaneous partners, promiscuous sexual activity and blatant lying. This is an age old dilemma with women when trying to ascertain if a man is ‘safe’ despite being charming and incredibly attractive. I wish I could help you here, but to be perfectly the honest I have simply no answer to this and wrote it merely to further torture those in this situation. Good luck.

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

The ‘Out of Towners’ – Middle-aged males in inappropriate venues like the Outback. Most often after large rugby games. Will ask your advice on where the best places are in town, and ask you to give them a tour. I don’t care where you’re from, you’re old and gross.

Smart women love smart guys so don’t try acting like a meathead to impress.

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Gary Oliver uncovers the cool and not so cool moments in NZ history 1893: New Zealand women won the right to vote in general elections, the first in a self-governing country.

1894: The Industrial Conciliation and Arbitration Act allowed the formation of trade unions and gave women the right to negotiate legally enforceable awards and agreements. Despite this, many awards and agreements had lower rates of pay for females than for males for the same work.

1895: The first edition of temperance journal The White Ribbon was issued. It became a major vehicle for expressing women’s rights.

1896: The National Council of Women was set up following the campaign for women’s enfranchisement, with Kate Sheppard as president.

1907: The Plunket Society was formed.

1913: Housewives’ unions were formed in all the main centres, concerned with family and community and international peace.

1919: Women won the right to stand in general elections when the Women’s Parliamentary Rights Act was passed. None of the four women who stood in the 1919 election was elected.

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

1920: Swimmer Violet Waldron was the first New Zealand woman to compete at the Olympics.

1927: Dr Nina Catherine Muir, the first woman house surgeon, became president of the Medical Association of New Zealand.

1932: The New Zealand Women’s Weekly was launched.

1933: It became illegal to marry before the age of 16 years. Previously there was no legal minimum age.

1935: The Sex Hygiene and Birth Regulation

20

Society was established as a voluntary organization by women committed to improving access to birth control. The name was changed to the New Zealand Family Planning Association in 1939.

1937: The Maori Women’s Health League was formed by Arawa women to improve the health and welfare of Maori throughout the Bay of Plenty and East Coast regions.

1946: The universal family benefit was introduced, giving mothers the benefit for each dependent child, irrespective of family income or property. In 1979, it doubled to $6 per week and in 1991 it was abolished.

1959: Phyllis Guthardt was the first woman ordained in New Zealand on an equal status with men, in the Methodist Church.

1960: The oral contraceptive pill was introduced.

New Zealand women are among the highest users of this form of contraception. With other methods, the pill gave most women control over their fertility, allowing them more choice of lifestyle and independence.

1985: The Crimes Amendment Act (No 3) made rape of a spouse a criminal offence.

1991: Amendments to the Crimes and Summary Proceedings Acts made it more difficult for violent offenders to get bail, reducing the trauma for women involved in court action against them.

1995: The Domestic Violence Act was aimed at reducing and preventing violence in domestic relationships by recognizing that domestic violence is unacceptable behavior; and ensuring that there is effective legal protection for its victims.

1999: Theresa Gattung became New Zealand’s first woman chief executive of a major company, appointed CEO of Telecom at age 37.

2001: Jenny Shipley, New Zealand’s first woman prime minister, was replaced as leader of the National Party.

2002: The Parental Leave and Employment Protection (Paid Parental Leave) Act 2002 established 12 weeks’ paid parental leave for women.

1968: The Domestic Proceedings Act was

2003: The Equal Opportunities Unit was

introduced requiring fathers of ex-nuptial children to pay some maintenance towards the mothers, as well as the children.

established in the New Zealand Human Rights Commission with its first Commissioner Dr Judy McGregor.

1969: The Status of Children Act gave equal status to all children, regardless of their parents’ marital status, reducing the social stigma attached to unmarried mothers.

1974: The first national lesbian conference was held, at Victoria University.

2005: Margaret Wilson became New Zealand’s first woman Speaker of the House of Representatives.

1979: A National Advisory Committee on Women and Education was set up.

1984: The Ministry of Women’s Affairs was established to provide policy advice and informationon women throughout government sectors and to the general public.

‘Only by accepting supposed weaknesses as normal and not tantamount to emasculation can men learn to love women… The need for love, dependency, wishes, and the longing for comforting are not character flaws; they are, on the contrary, the very basis of sociability and the path to fulfillment because they push us toward social contact and commitment…’

— David D. Gilmore on misogyny and gender inequality.

By Dana Tilly and Julia Regan

What does it feel like to have period pain?

On the whole, it sucks. Some lucky girls find it passes fairly painlessly, others get a bit of cramping and others are laid up with acute twisting agony and the runs. Ah, the stigmatic sacrifice for the continuation of the human race.

An anatomical comparison of what bad period pain feels like? Well, ovaries are anatomically similar to testes, so the pain involved in periods could possibly be described in comparison to testicular pain, though not as sharp and sudden as a kick to the balls. Imagine somebody clamping your testicles and slowly squeezing the semen out, maybe. Suffice it to say, it’s not good.

The emotional side of PMS Maggie - “‘Just leave me alone’ and ‘nobody cares about me’ are two contradictory feelings I often get when I’m premenstrual. I’m irritable and easily upset. I feel like I’m drowning in a cesspool of emotion which is all rather overwhelming and often I don’t even realise why until I am reminded of the moon phase (I get my period on the full moon). I get more back pain and sometimes feel bloated and unattractive. The world closes in on me and I just want to stay in bed.”

Are girls hornier at particular times of the month?

Can I do anything right when a woman is premenstrual?

Dark chocolate is good. Basically you just need to be nice. Be considerate. Premenstrual women don’t want to be patronised or treated like there’s

when they’re down will only cause you trouble.

Use empathy to determine whether they want space or support (or both). This is actually how you should treat women all the time. Remember, you can’t go wrong with dark chocolate.

If I flat with 4 girls, will they get PMS all at the same time and beat me up?

They probably will synchronise their periods and start to have them all the same time, as often happens in close proximity. This works due to secreted airborne pheromones which signal women to shorten or lengthen their cycles to match the others over a few months. Whether PMS makes someone violent will depend on the individual, but it may not be the best time to pick a fight. Again, dark chocolate is your friend. Get a good sized block.

Why don’t they just not have periods?

From one female visiting the Nexus offices: ‘I’m on the pill, but I skip my period all the time so I can have more sex.’

Skipping periods is a nifty trick you can do on the pill by skipping the placebo/sugar pill week. It’s not recommended that you do this too often and there can be some spotting, but it’s doable.

As you’ll know from sex ed, people shagging have lots of fun ways to avoid getting pregnant. Apart from condom-wearing, the onus for this tends to fall on the lucky female. Another contraception option is depo provera or ‘the injection’ which can stop periods for months. It can also cause irregular bleeding or ‘spotting’ for entire months – not a particularly pleasant experience. While it is good not to have to worry about getting pregnant, Depo can also cause weight gain and

mood swings and can contribute to depression.

Both this and the pill have some side effects which girls may not want to go for, so handy as they sound, not everyone chooses the no period options.

For Girls: Some ways to reduce or ease period pain Cramping can be related to various mineral deficiencies such as magnesium, chromium and possibly calcium. Supplementation or adjusting your diet might help to make your periods more bearable. Fish liver oils promote the bodies natural anti-inflammatory response while inhibiting the inflammatory response so these can function as natural aids to reduce pain. There are a number of painkilling drugs out there designed to help with period pain. Yoga and other kinds of stretching can help keep muscles healthy and less likely to cramp.

Period trivia!

Courtney Cox was the first person to say period on TV, in a tampon ad.

The average woman has approximately 500 periods in her lifetime.

The length of the vagina will increase by as much as 50% by the time a girl has fully matured.

The eye and the vagina are the only selfcleaning organs.

Estrogen hormone levels can increase by seven times during the normal menstrual cycle, which causes PMS. A woman’s body temperature rises by .5 to 1 degree every month after ovulation.

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

Yes, some are. Around day 14 of their cycle (14 days from when the period starts) women ovulate. This means their body wants a baby, so some do indeed get significantly hornier at this time. Warning – along with increased horniness comes a highly increased chance of getting pregnant, so take care.

something wrong with them but they may react differently than they normally would so treat them with some sensitivity. Don’t start or continue arguments. Remember: women are always right anyway. Trying to boost your ego by kicking them

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By Emily Jones My name is Emily and I’m an infatuation addict. I say infatuation because what I am talking about is not love as I understand it, though I have mistaken it many times and as far as I can tell infatuation is often confused with love. Love is pure, eternal and forgiving, it is something

much like an addict might, where quality was lacking, the source dried up, I blamed them for my misery and I hated myself for it just the same.

My obsessions with people have, at various times, dominated my life leaving less and less room for other people or commitments.

which exists independently of chemical addiction and it needs no possession. When you truly love someone, just love them, you do not need anything from them and you don’t need to give them anything in return. Infatuation is just a chemical reaction, it uses the same neural pathways as opiates and gives definitive highs and with these always come equivalent and devastating lows. Emotional dependency is not always sexual but it generally transferred from parents to friends to partners depending on who you’re closest to. People can also have emotional addictions to video games, movies, online communities and countless other things. It can be fairly harmless, but it can also manifest as an obsession which sucks the life out of the sufferer and their targets in a vampiric kind of way, leaving nothing but pain and devastation, broken dreams and promises, in its wake. An emotional vampire is parasitic; she needs to feed off others in order to satisfy her emptiness.

If you feel like you can’t live without someone, if you really need to see someone, if you miss them and think about them all the time, if you feel utterly powerless over how you feel, chances are you are emotionally dependent. This has its positive and negative points, the rush is just as powerful and enjoyable as many expensive drugs, and generally costs less, you will feel elated and on top of the world when in the positive pole of infatuation. If you’ve always wanted a drug habit but have never been able to afford it maybe emotional dependency is for you. On the negative side of the spectrum, people are unpredictable; you will be made powerless to your addiction and will have to suffer withdrawal symptoms which can be just as extreme and even as physical as drug withdrawals: depression, nausea, physical pains, anxiety, even vomiting. And if you dislike the idea of being addicted you better start yourself on a 12 step program or figure out

older I transferred this dependency on to other people and it has been a long and slow process to overcome and I have gotten to the stage where I am very aware of myself and my addictive pattern. I can even view the situation objectively though I am still working on ways of dealing with the emotions involved. It is still tempting to lose myself in someone else, if only for the relief of not having to deal with myself. I have a tendency to focus so much on another person that I don’t meet my own needs and become increasingly dissatisfied. Studying addiction and the behavioural patterns involved has helped me understand myself better. The most difficult thing about addiction is the self-deception involved; this is evident in the rationalisation and excuse making that most, if not all, addicts exhibit. “I drink because my wife left me” is an alcoholic’s example of this. But infatuation addiction is not nearly as easy to overcome as an external behaviour such as imbibing alcohol or smoking, and these are far from easy anyway. A fundamental re-wiring of the brain needs to take place in order to resolve the addiction. This is most likely a slow and arduous process.

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

another way around it.

Since before I can remember I have had this problem, this soul destroying compulsion, this addiction. Dramatic isn’t it? This condition has had many names, Mum, Aimee, Ruth, Jasmine, Cody, Kieran, Isaac, Dan, Ainsley, Richard, Jason, Justin and many, many others and despite being linked to all these people at different times, the problem has never really been about any of them. My dependency has been my problem and has played a big part in the dynamics of my relationships and it has taken me this long even to become aware of it. It has brought me joy in the form of a chemical rush much like heroin, and much pain when my expectations haven’t been met. I have suffered withdrawals from it when my aforementioned suppliers were not available and I have changed suppliers for many reasons

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Like I said before, I have been an infatuation junky as far back as I can remember. I was always a clingy child and hated being separated from my mother, as I got

If you feel utterly powerless over how you feel, chances are you are emotionally dependent

My view of student lifestyles in New Zealand

By Nick Maarhuis It would seem from watching the C4 TV show Studentville, the craziest, funnest place to study is Dunedin, at Otago University. This may be due to the show being made by scarfies, or it may be because it is the obvious, undeniable, undebatable truth. With a city that is almost entirely made up of students, it would be two-

go into more detail here, but they all involved frivolous drinking, so the memory is a bit hazy.

One highlight though, was seeing Fat Freddy’s Drop at the packed out town hall.

thirds of fucking impossible for it to not be the ultimate NZ ‘student lifestyle’.

traditions such as the Hyde St Keg Race (as seen on Studentville), which add to the student culture.

One thing I liked about Hyde St (and other streets too) was that the houses are named, with big signs above their doors, proclaiming such things as ‘Hotel on Hyde’, ‘Te Hyde-Out’, ‘Pimp my Hyde’, ‘Come and Hyde’, etc. Another great tradition is the ‘red card’, which is when a person decides something fun to do, then everyone in the flat has to join them in it. This usually involves (a) a road trip, (b) activity, (c) dress up theme, (d) drinking, or (e) all of the above. Each person in the flat gets a turn each year.

Way back in 2003 about half the students from my high school left for Dunedin, the other half stayed in Wellington, a few emos went to Palmy to do design at Massey, nobody left to become a farmer, cos there isn’t any farms in Wellington. I went to Vic by the way, but more on that later. So after hearing friends’ stories of Otago antics for a few years I decided to go to O-week this year, to party with mates.

In Waikato we get the David Tua – “O” for “awesome” O-week, but in Dunedin they get the “O” for “Oh my god damn this is fucking ridiculous” O-week. So listen up Sehai, as I break it down for ya.

Another University which puts our concrete-slabsfor-buildings, and cesspools-for-lakes, to shame, is Victoria. An aesthetically pleasing combination of very old and also modern buildings, Vic overlooks the greatest city in NZ (that’s Wellington, for you misguided Jafas). With the Law School based in immaculately refurbished old government buildings, and a Design School in the very centre of the red light district (you can get a lap dance

After moving to Hamilton in second year, I found that Waikato University has a fantastic student lifestyle, with benefits such as having a large student population and clubs and bars that recognise this fact. It’s warmer than Dunedin, the houses are cheaper, newer, and they’re more spacious than in Dunedin. On top of this we have Tauranga, Raglan, and the mountains not far away. There’s Pukekohe and Meremere close by for the car nuts, and Auckland a bit further away for all the pill-popping ravers. Dunedin is a million miles from anywhere, so you either drive for two days to get home in breaks, or book your years flights at the beginning of the year, before they sell out.

So with all the relative benefits and disadvantages of these respective unis, it is hard to say that one has a necessarily ‘better’ student lifestyle than another. It’s just easier to make it look that way on TV.

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

One of the keys to the success of the Otago Oweek is that they don’t have classes. All years only have ‘prelims’, which is where a course outline is handed out and that is it for the week. This allows time for everyone to settle into their flats and buy their books, or alternatively, get completely trollied for the entire week. Dunedin has a way of bringing out the drinker in you; my sister and her five flatmates consume two bottles of wine each on a good night, then rock into town and take turns buying rounds of jugs. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the guys across the street from where I was staying do a crate day on every day of O-week, and still make it to town each night.

The dress code in Dunedin consists of jandals, stubbies, and singlets. There are no door-charges, there are no old people, there are no fights, and there is a strange absence of police around the clubs. There are plenty of festivities during Oweek, both during the day and every night. I would

Otago also has history. Not only do they have magnificent buildings and campus, there’s

literally twenty metres from your lecture theatre), Victoria would seem to have something for everyone. What it lacks though, is student culture.

‘Lacks’, like Bush and intelligence, Nexus and credibility, or NZ hip hop and good lyrics. It also lacks carparking. Divide our Gate One carpark by eighty for a rough idea.

SCARFIES: These people are probably having more fun than you

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Check out the uni events calendar at events.waikato.ac.nz and the events section of www.nexusmag.co.nz/forum for more events and info. Have a listen to any updates or changes to events on Contact 88.1FM

The Student Showcase 06 Monday 9th – Tuesday 31st October At the WEL Energy Trust Academy of Performing Arts.The Student Showcase is a celebration of the various areas of creativity explored by students at the University of Waikato in the past year. Over a period of three weeks the Student Showcase will present the creativity, in performing and visual arts, of students from the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences (Te Kura Kete Aronui), the School of Māori and Pacific Development (Te Pua Wānanga ki te Ao), the School of Education (Te Kura Toi Tangata), and Computing and Mathematical Sciences (Rorohiko me ngā Pūtaiao Pangarau).

Programmes are available from departments involved and from Academy reception. This looks wicked, so don’t miss it. Go along and give your fellow students some attention for the cool creative stuff they’ve made this year. For more info on each event, see a programme.

Monday 9th October Te Pua Wānanga ki te Ao performance, 8pm at the Gallagher Concert Chamber. B Semester Performing Arts Students from The School of Māori and Pacific Development share their original compositions and choreography. Free.

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

Wednesday October 11th Lunchtime Recital Series by Music Department Students at 1pm in the Gallagher Concert Chamber. In this final Lunchtime performance of 2006, the students from the University Music Department present a selection of music in the lead up to their end-of-year assessments.

(Suggested donation of $5 on entry).

Theatre Studies Graduate Directors present Symbolist Theatre - An Evening of One-Act Plays at the Telecom Playhouse, free admission.

7pm: Dance as a Leisure Activity. Dance Studio (SPLS 105-06b) student performers

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8pm: Dance and Movement Education (SPLS 214-06b) student performers. Seating is limited - come early - all welcome!

Auckland events are marked with an @ symbol

Jazz band Zebra play at The Cook, Cook Street, Hamilton East every Wednesday night from 8pm.

The Lilburn Trust Student Composition Awards Concert, 7pm at the Gallagher Concert Chamber.

This evening of new works by University Music students promises to be an exciting affair with live electro-acoustic/multimedia sections represented.

12 @ 12 offers 12 minutes informal performance once a week to a passing audience. 12 @ 12 is

Blindspott play Altitude, supported by Antagonist and Full Nelson. $30, tickets available from

free of charge and welcome students to come along and get involved. This event takes place every Wednesday at midday at the University of Waikato, School of Education, downstairs Foyer.

Ticketek.

Thursday 12th October 6pm: Visual arts exhibition opening – Arts and Language Education. Exhibition runs until Fri 27th Oct in School of Education Buildings.

6.30pm: Screen & Media Studies student work show – Telecom Playhouse. Includes animation, digital fiction and scriptreadings.

Sun YingDi won the 2005 International Franz Liszt Competition aged 25. Through Orient Express New Zealanders will have the opportunity to hear Sun YingDi for the first time in this country - playing works by Mozart, Ravel, Liszt, Wagner and Wellingtonian Jack Body. Tickets: $25, Concessions $20, Students w ID $15, Children U14 $10, Group 6 or more $20 ea

Friday October 13th Special end of term ‘Hikoi’ to Don Llewellyn’s Meet 1pm WSU Village Green, 1pm till 3pm.

Then 3pm ‘Hikoi’ to the Don Llewellyn. Live music at both venues (DJ and live band - TBC). Free beer, non-alcoholic drinks and BBQ (WSU Village Grenn). $1 Handles at the Don (limited number).

Come and celebrate.

Screen & Media Studies student work show, 6:30pm at the Telecom Playhouse. Includes documentary, experimental production and Honours, Masters and PhD work.

@ Aussie punk rockers SSK are playing with the Rebelles & Poodles at the Schooner Tavern, Auckland. $10 @ It’s False Start’s last show for awhile because they’re taking time out to work on their new album. This show is a fundraiser for a tour they are doing with friends Rival State around New Zealand. Joining False Start and Rival State are The Rabble and Callista. The show is at Freemans Bay Community Hall in Auckland. @ Aucklanders Quarter 2 are playing with My Life Story, Mumsdollar and Donkey Punk at The Studio, Krd, Auckland. The show is all ages and will cost $10.

Saturday October 14th You should really get out to this. Upsett Records (333 Victoria St, Hamilton) are cutting back on the shows they do so it might be a while before you see another here. Head along to see Scum System Kill, an all girl crust band from Aussie.

They will be playing with Poodles, Streetcunt, Gawj and PSI. The show will cost $5 and starts 3pm.

Art Events Everyday Devices by Gaye Jurisich 1 October - 30 October 2006, at the Calder & Lawson Gallery, Academy of Performing Arts. See news section for pictures.

Creative Photography exhibition in the Concert Chamber Foyer. Mon 9th – Fri 27th Oct

THIS IS NOT A PICTURE OF HAMILTON

Amy Racecar Amy Racecar has been playing Hamilton’s dives for three years now and after a handful of EPs are gearing up to release their first album proper in November. Making the logical combination of their influences, Split Enz, Patea Maori Club and Slayer, Amy Racecar, proclaim their sound pop/rock music with other bits. Lilting country ballads along with new wave beatdowns, splashed with no wave mouthwash, are all promised to feature on their forthcoming debut album.

Are you collaborating with producers?

Timbaland has been lending a hand.

Do you enjoy the recording process as apposed to performing live?

Playing live is fun. Recording is like knowing someone has AIDS but having sex with them anyway.

Have you encountered any difficulties in the recording process?

Yes, all of it.

What is your motivation for recording this album?

Steve McQueen Does one band member have more control than others during the recording process or do you work as a democracy?

Area 07 CD Review Reviewed by M. Emery

The track selection is arranged to take the listener through the wide kaleidoscope of styles as comfortably as possible starting with the

It’s fun.

The Shrugs

Does one band member have more control than others during the recording process or do you work as a democracy?

Usually the person who has written the song has the most say about how it sounds but we all have input.

Veterans of the Hamilton music scene, indie rockers, The Shrugs have been beavering away at a follow up to their last release, An Awkward

How were your recordings funded?

We do as much for free as we possibly can. We own a bit of gear. When we need to borrow some

Silence. Their current incantation is their fifth line up consisting of Geoff Doube (vocals/guitar/bass), Gordon Basset (vocals/bass/guitar) and Paul Tregilgas (drums) . Geoff illuminates us on the processes behind The Shrugs’ forthcoming fourth album.

gear from someone, we try to make sure that we do them some favours in return.

How were your recordings funded?

Subterfuge and baller cash.

Do you enjoy the recording process as opposed to performing live?

Yes. They’re very different processes. We enjoy them both.

Have you encountered any difficulties in the recording process?

Not on this album, so far. A Slight Hitch, which was recorded in 2003, was beset with difficulties. The tape machine broke down and we had a flood.

What is your motivation for recording this album/EP? sublime indie-pop delicacy of The Deadly Deaths and their opening number ‘See The World’. The first several numbers on Area 07 continue in the indie vein with Amy Racecar, The Shrugs, Dynamo Go, The Gills and a few others showing us what they can do with guitars, bass, drums and voice. Over the course of the 23 tracks on Area 07, hip hop, metal, punk and St Lucy are all featured in various forms. Chanelle Davis closes Area 07 with a solemnly beautiful song, ‘Alight’, which is a definite highlight.

Some of the bands featured on Area 07 are now defunct or on hiatus but it’s good to see them included, as the likes of This Night Creeps have been significant contributors to the Hamilton music scene in the last few years.

It’s also pleasing to see Hamilton veterans like

Is all your music written/prepared before you enter the recording studio?

Yeah, we record our rhythm tracks live so we all need to know how the song goes in pretty good detail beforehand. We also make sure that we adjust how we lay down the rhythm tracks to make space for the overdubs that we anticipate recording. But not all our overdubs are planned beforehand. Sometimes you need to be open to the possibility that what you had planned isn’t actually working so when we’re in the overdub phase we do play around with different parts.

When can Hamiltonians expect to hear the result of your endeavours?

Early 2007.

the Hollow Grinders and Rumpus Room included with young up’n’comers 4 Second Fuse and Fideleo.

There are a few notable omissions from this CD, possibly for several reasons, with no representation from 48May, Dick Dynamite and The Doppelgangers, Antagonist, Gawj and probably enough others to make a double CD. Regardless, what we have on offer is an outstanding selection and brilliant snapshot of the Hamilton scene from the last few years.

To win a copy of Area 07 email Nexus and tell us why Matt the Nexus designer should stop hitting the crack-pipe.

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

The recently released Area 07 is the first Hamilton Compilation CD to be released in a few years. Like previous Airwigg releases it was masterminded by Rumpus Room Headman, Scott Newth. Funded by the Hamilton Community Arts Council and produced in conjunction with the annual Tempo music seminars/events held here in Hamilton, Area 07 offers a wide selection of music genres and a solid document of current bands and performers in Hamilton.

We are all Hitlers in the studio. Sometimes the manipulation is subtle, sometimes it’s a clenched fist.

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By Alex Recently I have been talking to students on campus of Middle Eastern origin, to gain some general knowledge on their student life over here.

Apparently, it’s not that different from that of all the rest of us (I myself am from the Far-East).

Besides catching buses and adapting to a new studying mode, they also have to learn how to cook with what’s available around Hamilton.

Sometimes this results in calling home and asking for advice. When the cooking ambience is particularly weak, Nando’s, a restaurant specializing in chicken, is one of their most frequented eating-out spots.

Most of them are straight out of high school, on full scholarship granted by their government. (respect and bravo!) The areas of their study vary from computer technology and political science to commerce and management. When I said

Joe: I remember tailing my last entry off with

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

“How hard could it be?” I can now answer that question for you. The gym is very hard indeed.

Cleverly, I’d arranged my appointment for when I knocked off work. So had everyone else.

I got shown through my routine by a bloke called James, who probably knew what he was talking about. I can’t actually remember too much, because about ten minutes in I was a sweating blob of gelatinous muscle and pain. I’d specifically requested a regime that would build muscle quickly. That, as it turns out, is not quite as easy as receiving a bite from a radioactive spider.

My first exercise was on a horrible device that simulates a “grinder” a la America’s Cup boats.

Purportedly a warm-up thingamajig.

Moving on to the other machines made me feel like the world’s weakest person, as James would usually move the pin on the weights up a good three-quarters lighter than whatever musclebound behemoth used it last.

Now, let me explain. The weights weren’t heavy as such – they were often embarrassingly light

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this was my last semester of my degree, some of them were a little bit envious, as for most of them their scholarly journeys in New Zealand have just begun.

resourceful overseas counterparts on issues concerning the Middle East. They felt there was room for improvement in the media coverage, which tended to have some bias.

Out of the respect for their culture and religion, the university has arranged two praying rooms for daytime prayers. The one at FASS is for the girls, and all the boys go to the Education school. The two afternoon prayers sometimes are grouped into one, as collective praying is more highly valued in degree of the elevation of spirituality.

As for the other comments, they just raised the usual stuff like beautiful scenery, nice environment, longer fasting during Ramadan to that of the northern hemisphere, and the people are so friendly that the girls often get questioned for the way how they dress themselves. Of course, as a uni student, one does have to bear in mind the danger of generalising, in addition to the

When we went on and started talking about what were the inconveniences they have encountered so far, a strong feeling could be sensed against the NZ media who are not, after all, immune from being drawn towards tasty scandals and seem quite content to get into the same pants as their

importance of properly doing a scholarly research before making any claims or buying into anything.

– but the repetition killed. I’d get through one set easy, find some difficulty on the second, and wind up a trembling wreck on the third. James said it was supposed to be like this, as the repetition breaks down the muscle, which repairs, leading to growth. I was beginning to suspect that all gymgoers must be masochists, when I had it proved.

A series of scream-grunts started behind me and it sounded like the person concerned was being violated with barbed wire. And a cat. I turned in alarm to witness a couple of big folks wrestling with large weights, which they dropped. The gym, which had been quiet, returned to the usual clanking hubbub. James shook his head. “Macho men. Idiots,” he said.

On reflection, I don’t feel any stronger or bigger.

Just sore. Although this means the whole thing is working, I’d still settle for a spider.

Jane: I know I promised to do a circuit class, but I didn’t. I did try yoga on Monday night though. My year doing it back in the last millennium should surely have prepared me.

‘Don’t believe what you hear,’ as another Iraqi girl said to me.

We start by lounging around on mats in a mirrored room. I hit a snag as soon as we spend an inordinate amount of time touching toes - my previously bendy body has turned rigid in my old age. Then we get to pair up, stand on each other’s hands and help them push up their buttocks.

Another pose involves making a V and balancing, while keeping the legs straight. Whenever I try, my legs start shuddering uncontrollably. Luckily, the girl next to me is having a similar problem and we can laugh about it.

It was good to be stretched again though, and I forgot how good breathing feels after a yoga class. By the way, for anyone wanting to meet girls, there was a good 5:1 guy-girl ratio.

The post-bending relaxation lacks some serenity, as frenetic commands float in from the other room (“UP! DOWN! GO OVER THERE!) but overall I enjoyed the class. My weights routine is going well and I’ve managed two visits. I may have to up it after my arm muscles prompted sniggers from a Nexus staff member though.

Want to join Joe and Jane at the Gym? We have a onemonth membership to give away courtesy of Uni Rec. Just email Nexus with a colourful description of your puniness, first one in wins.

WSU Prez

GLBT Officer

Se hai

Megan Moffet

Kia ora all,

I don’t really know what to say in this blurb, my last for Nexus as the GLBT Officer. I guess goodbye and thank you. I have had a great two years and learned so much about the queer community and myself. I won’t be finished until the end of 2006 so you can still talk to me about queer issues or find information.

You people have enough to read at this time of the year so I am just going to break it down as quickly and as simply as possible: 1. Cultural Extravaganza – The WSU, with support from the Office of Pro Vice Chancellor Maori are organizing this event to celebrate the last cultural hour of the year. Come down to the banks on Wednesday October 11 to see cultural performances from the Papua New Guinea club, DJ Militia, break dancers and 4 Corners perform for your viewing and listening pleasure!

2. The Chesterman Group Public Relations Campaign Awards 2006 is happening on Thursday 12 October.

This is important because it is all about the WSU and the implementation of PR campaign in order to get you all more involved and more clued up with the WSU and what we are up to.

Be good, study hard and drive safely!

So here are a few events that will be happening over the break. The details haven’t been finalised yet but you can visit http:// www.nzaf.org.nz/events.php to find out more information.

World AIDS Day ~ Friday, December 01, 2006 World AIDS Day is an important annual event, with events taking place across the country.

Queen of the Whole Universe ~ Friday, December 01, 2006 The popular high camp and fabulous beauty

pageant of drag divas from throughout the world and beyond! Returns to the Auckland stage on Friday December 1, 2006 at the ASB Theatre, The Edge, Auckland.

2007 Big Gay Out ~ Sunday, February 11, 2007 The New Zealand AIDS Foundation is once again delighted to present the Big Gay Out as the major opening event for the 2007 Hero Festival. The Big Gay Out is the largest gay and lesbian event in the country. It happens during the day with stalls, entertainers and other exciting happenings. It is a great place to take your family and friends for a fun picnic.

Best of luck for your exams, and hope the holidays are fun. Remember to visit Student Job Search at the Banks to apply for your fabulous summer job.

Disabled Students’ Officer Jeff

Some of us find impairments cropping up with the most unfortunate of circumstances. Whether it’s an impairment the folks passed on, or something that was the result of one’s own actions, (or the result of someone else’s actions), it is important to not be disabled by your surroundings

– physical or cultural. I get myself into all sorts of compromising situations, sometimes as a result of my own actions, sometimes as a result of others perceptions of my actions, or for that matter inaction, but I assure everybody that integral to my nature is goodwill.

Keep an eye out for events on campus, http:// events.waikato.ac.nz. I urge everyone to get along to this weeks Village Green Cultural Extravaganza (doesn’t get more cultural than an AGM now, does it?) course it does- Four Corners and DJ action au!

Not to mention the Student Showcase 06, more local composition works, visual arts presentations, creative photography, theatrical performance, dance, when it comes to culture.

WAIKATO Whaaaat! We got it going on. Get out there and snoop it, it ain’t gonna come knockin at your door now, peeps!

A big ups to Nexus and the crew (mostly volunteers) who go to extraordinary ends to make the more entertaining pages get out to you every week.

Love you all long time!

In closing, the words of Johnny Mercer / Harold Arlen: You’ve got to accentuate the positive Eliminate the negative Latch on to the affirmative Don’t mess with Mister In-Between You’ve got to spread joy up to the maximum Bring gloom down to the minimum Have faith or pandemonium Liable to walk upon the scene

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

Okies, nearly the end of another year, keep up the study – let’s hope Nexus has some great tips in the final issue to help us get through what for some is the most testing time of the year. I know the whole year thus far has been pretty testing for me, with juggling studies, meetings, marquee erection, P.A. direction, and all with jovial inflection. The most challenging has been accepting the swings and roundabouts rationale that we all need to in this circus of life.

In saying that, I must thank the clowns who have helped me laugh, some on purpose and some unwittingly.

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Mature Students’ Officer Vince I approached the esteemed and glorious Nexus Editor (Dawn) last week enquiring as to the focus of this particular edition and was informed, somewhat vaguely, “it’s all about boys and girls”. Given my rather eclectic and diverse array of life experiences involving either (or for that matter both) genders, I found myself suddenly stupefied! How does one compose an articulate and appropriate piece without inadvertently incriminating oneself? Of course we are not in the big ole U.S. of A so I can hardly plead the Fifth Amendment!

Then an epiphany struck from the revered and divine inspirations similarly slogging it out here in the WSU office (namely Tatiana, Kim and Sehai!) and I was subtly reminded that this is the last opportunity for my deeply astute insights to rapidly penetrate the willing nebulous of the student body!

We have now entered (non-expeditiously) the final, accumulative, all-encompassing throes of heightened passion. As of Friday (though some out there in Studentville will have surreptitiously arrived at this point prematurely), your lecturers, teaching staff, sessional assistants etc will excitedly proceed to ejaculate your impassioned student bodies out into the netherworld of ‘Study Week’ - hoping not to see your rambunctious selves until closer to

WSU STAFF: Kia ora! the moment of the ultimate climax (or for some, perhaps an anti-climax?).

HEY, I’m speaking here of the forthcoming Exam Weeks!

Psst, did someone mention ‘student body’?

Speaking of bodies… hehehe.

There are several deserved acclamations appropriate to acknowledge in regards to sheer endurance and triumphant performance throughout the intercourse, (oops scrap that), I do of course mean discourse of this year: NEXUS: You ‘boys and girls’ ROCK! Dawn, Josh, Tony, Matt. Though at times I’ve never quite known who is who (sorry but you all look the same to me… as far as reporters go!). To your ménage a quartre I say ‘bring it on’ for 2007.

BOC: congratulations for your combined efforts – now you can all safely BOC off to your desired holiday destinations!

WSU 2006 Exec: Many of you ‘boys and girls’ fired up those passionate pistons and encouragingly rumbled along happily with the tremendous loads

International Students’ Officer

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

Sonja This will not be the most interesting blurb, I am afraid. I thought about writing about sex first, then discarded this in favour of unfair international student insurance procedures (which would have been very boring to a lot of people), which was then discarded by the fact that we have people being interested in running for the international student representative for 2007.

Would have been cool if they would have decided this a few weeks earlier but life is unpredictable anyway and at WSU we take what we get. That was a hint! Students need to PARTICIPATE! PARTICIPATION! I’ll just shout it again. If you have considered taking up this post even remotely, please contact me so that I can tell you about such great pleasures like making the Gateway say sorry; helping people get money back from uni; negotiating with the halls of residence or the library if someone can’t pay; going to conference and

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we embraced. Sadly, some of you just ‘fired’, ‘rumbled’ and resembled tremendous loads!

ranting about international fees; being a smartass at debate day or just being invited to funny little functions with free food that are only remotely related to international students.

I wanted to keep this to the last blurb, but I have to save some space for the part about sex, so I’ll keep the thank-you-speech short and the sex comes next week.

A lot of people have been very helpful, even uni staff, although most of my complaints are about them, but still, they stay fair and friendly – big thanks to you guys, whom I have bombarded with formal complaints (try that, it’s fun and worth it - http://calendar.waikato.ac.nz/policies/ studentcomplaints.html.)

Thanks to Megan and Jeff for the inside knowledge and all that smiling, chocolate cake and cars, Kirsty

VOLUNTEERS: This includes those incredible, stunning, drop-dead gorgeous and dazzling personalities from Adult Learners and Matures Students Club, Te Huinga Tauira 2006, Te Whakahiapo, The Samoan Club, Te Ranga Ngaku, Anthropology Volunteers – without your whakāro (thoughts), mahi (work), tautoko (support) and awhi (help) we could not have succeeded in accomplishing so very very much.

All which was accomplished in this, the year of our global era 2006, has unquestionably enhanced and expanded upon the whāriki ākonga (student’s woven mat) for all students alike at this Institute.

Where students tread tomorrow, know that you have each contributed to the turangawaewae (foundation) of today.

Na Vince Malcolm-Buchanan (BA) Mature Students Representative, WSU (Inc) DISCLAIMER: Nexus Editors, albeit proficient and fabulous, need to be far more discerning regarding the focus of every edition – vague information given to already overworked Student Representatives can otherwise only lead to vaguely questionable insertions! Not that I, of course, would ever contemplate expeditiously inserting anything within the immediate vicinity of your wondrous personage, Dawn <wink>)

and Shannon for your help and the jokes, Nexus for being nice to me and playing soccer, Elmo for having a sexy voice on the phone, the Malaysian Club for their lovely DVD, my office mates Vanwyk, Teresa and Nattinee, two very patient supervisors for my directed studies, Silver Fern Video and Campus Movies, the International Student Support Group (ISSG) for being concerned and finally, apart from the people I forgot to mention here, all the international students who came to me with their concerns and made my day when I could stir up some B-Blockers with their problems. Keep coming and show them that your ARE present!

So if you feel like being the next international officer: international@wsu.org.nz If you are having a problem: international@wsu.org.nz (I am still in until January).

If you feel like thanking someone, too: nexus@waikato.co.nz

Maori Students’ Officer

Women’s Issues Officer

Renee

Kim

As usual the MSO is ever vigilant and up until this moment in time has never missed a chance to put my collective thoughts on paper about issues affecting the use of WSU and your funds. I have no trouble doing that, even though the Nexus graphics person likes to spread what he sees as funny beneath anything I have written. During the speeches a question was asked by this individual about the autonomy of Nexus. Autonomy = selfgovernment, self-determination, or independence. The question is whether Nexus is a business and whether as a business it is able to make ends meet without the aid of the parent body WSU – according to sources this is not so as WSU has had to yet again put student money back into Nexus as a form of rescue.

Congratulations to the incoming 2007 WRO! And what a winning speech, all 2 sentences of it. “It was a waste of time me even walking up here, my name is Anna Moriarty, vote BOC!”

A few issues back Nexus reported to students where their levy money goes.

The issue nailed the exact amount of money to the nth degree that the $84.00 (fee paid by all student members) goes on, including the pages paid for in Nexus by WSU for each of the executives to place their voice of concern.

Although this was an attempt to justify the need for the fee and what WSU does for its students, there is still no recognition of the true amount of money being spent on the Nexus magazine.

Everyone will agree that WSU and the students need a magazine like Nexus.

However it is time that Nexus also was brought into the viewfinder and the performance value of the business in totality. In my last blurb I highlighted the amount of money spent on Nexus by WSU $100,000 + and had a boorish picture of cats represented as piano keys placed under it – most probably depicting a cat’s song. There is however justice coming and when students wake up to not allowing any further waste of their money let’s see who else sings the MEOW song.

IF BUDGETS WERE SET IN CONCRETE, THEY LIKE ATTITUDES WOULD BE THE CRUSTY BLOCKS THAT DIVIDE HUMANS FROM GOOD COMMON SENSE. See editorial (page 7) for the Nexus editor’s response to this blurb.

Dirty rapists: the scary statistics Recent surveys from Rape Crisis New Zealand show that 1 in 5 female tertiary students will be raped while pursuing their academic careers. The most likely time for these perversions is when the girl is intoxicated or under the influence of drugs. Offenders of these perversions are most likely people you know or general acquaintances.

Date rape can be coerced both physically and emotionally. Some emotional tactics include threats to not like you, threats to break up, calling you names like cock tease, and the classic ‘she brought it on herself by the way she was acting and the clothes she was wearing’.

Date rape is often overlooked and offenders inconspicuously disappear leaving the girl to wonder if her rights have been abused and if she even has rights. This was a conversation at breakfast recently. Woman: “Is it just me or was that guy hitting on me right then?” Man “Well that’s blatantly obvious!

It’s because you gave him too much of your attention last night, you spoke to him for 10 minutes but spoke to every other person for just 5! You gave him the wrong impression.”

Sometimes you have to give something a name to give it a meaning. The name for these dirty tactics is dirty rapist. Over summer if you find yourself in compromising positions try this incantation: Whenever, Wherever, Whoever, No Means No and No Means Stop, and if he continues call him a dirty rapist and explain the concept behind it. Awareness is empowering and it states your personal boundaries. All in all be safe this summer, look after yourself and your friends especially that annoying drunk one who keeps climbing on tables, singing and taking her top off. Haha! Not guilty!

Hey Nexus, wassup? Totally offended by Uncle Jim’s Classic Kiddy Porn Review. I counted a total of 4 advertisers in this week’s Nexus and suggest that if you want to attractive lucrative advertising contracts, pull the paedophile page. But I still love you guys, muwaaah xx!

Huh? That issue had at least 10 advertisers, all of whom are presumably aware that uni students are grown ups and like a variety of humour in their Monday reading. And I don’t think the page mentioned ‘porn’ as such.

The Uncle Jim concept may be a bit old by now and either works for you or doesn’t, but although it treads a fine line I’ve never deemed it overtly offensive. Sorry to hear you found it so, however. Thanks for the feedback and love – Ed.

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

Owned by students, Run by students, For all students!

And now onto more exciting stuff, me! I’ve been on the WSU executive for 2 years now. However, I decided not to stand for 2007 in favour of finishing my 2 degrees in 4 years versus 5. Congratulations to all incoming executives and also to those who stood but get to concentrate on their degrees instead.

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ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

Maori Health and Disability Awareness Day, Wed 4th

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Send your notices of 100 words or less to nexus@waikato.ac.nz, or drop into box at WSU reception. This is your last chance to advertise and deadline is 5pm Tues. Notices are free for students!

2 rooms available at flat to live with 2 guys Nice 2 storey house in HamEast area 2 bathrooms, dishwasher and gas heating $100 per week covers rent, power and phone Call 856 7516 or txt 0274 261 340 Room available 10/11/06 Near uni 222B Old Farm Rd. $91/week.

Queensized bed and little office + offstreet parking. Easy going flatmates. Call or text 021145030 FLATMATES WANTED!!

1 double room, 1 slightly smaller available now.

Rent $115-$130 incl power, phone, internet.

Rawling Steet, nice house, fully fenced, off street parking, 7 minute drive to uni, 2 mins to hospital and 5 to town. Phone 843 1466 after 4:30 pm or phone or text 027 3216300 at any stage Flatmates Wanted!

2 flatmates wanted to live with a guy and girl (3rd years). Big modern house with big bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. 15-20 min walk to uni. $87.50 pw not including food. Available Jan 1st. Phone 0273197157 or email pb36@ waikato.ac.nz Flatmate Wanted (pref guy) To live with 3 4th year girls in a 4 bedroom place.

Very close to Uni on Hogan st. Move in Early Dec Ph/txt Moira 02740049425 or Christie 0210351671.

Easygoing Flatmate Wanted: Broadband and Phone in room.

5min walk to management (Aurora Tce).

Rent $95 p/w. Huge lounge and deck.

Off street parking. To live with two 3rd year guys.

Available Now. Phone Rhys: 856-1134 or Txt: 027-469-5187

Flatmates wanted for 54B Peachgrove Rd: We’re after a couple (preferably) to take over the largest room in our 3-bedroom house from the 15th October until at least February 07. You’d be living with 2 friendly, easy-going people - 1 guy and 1 girl - and enjoying a comfortable, sunny, fully-furnished, well-kept, quiet, back-section property convenient to town, uni and shops.

Rent, food, power and phone altogether is only $105 per person. If you’re keen, ring us on 856 1167 or txt/call Mark on 027 4652166 or Amanda on 027 3122427.

2 Flatmates wanted: $76 p/w. to live with 3 others, 2 guys n a girl.

Jan to Jan contract. 4 bedrooms 2 bathrooms on york st. close to hilly (nxt year) n close to uni.

House to yourself over summer holidays if you want. txt/ph 027 4646460 Flat mate wanted

Need a computer?

Great computer for sale - Word 2003, XP, media player, cd burner, dvd player... Finshing uni so don’t need it anymore - going cheap - $475 text or call katherine 0276326281 or 859 0379 Need Furniture & Appliances!?

One double bed Lounge suite - two armchairs & three seaterSuper Comfy!!

Two desks - one small & one super huge Fridge Make me an offer - call Christine on 859 0379 or text 0274656887.

TECH MODELS NEEDED. Im Erin and Im in my third year of a hairdressing apprenticeship, I need models for Razor cutting, A short layer cut, Removal of Colour, Bleach and tone, and corrective colour (if you dont like the colour you have, or have made a mistake yourself. ) Call/text, 027 405 2223.

English Tutor Wanted Staying in Hamilton over the summer and need some extra cash? $15 an hour, just 10 hrs a

$81per week + expenses 3x male and 2x female easy going flatties (both students and working) open and very sunny house, close 2 uni and shops aswell as large area for parking good sized room, house is furnished, all you need is your own bedroom stuff.

week, to tutor two Korean children in basic english skills. txt or call 0273664703 or email rew17 for more details. Teaching experience preferable.

please text or call Jamie 027 320 7981

of youth. If you like crusty old guys then drop me a line at oldcrustyguy@yahoo.com.

FLATMATES WANTED Three easy going guys looking for two chicks to flat with in a new house on Broccas ave. Close to uni and the soon to be Hilli, established flat, $95 a week plus expenses. Contact Scott 021 187 1821 Digital Piano for sale: $1,900 or nearest offerTechnics brand. 88 keys, 3 pedals, MIDI, touch response sensitive, disk drive, sequencer 16track, LCD display, PCM sound generator, autoplay chord, 181 sounds, 128 rhythms, complete with manual. Excellent condition.

Dirty old man seeks first or second year student for fun times, debauchery and regaining

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

Flatmates wanted!

2 flatties to live with brother and sister (18 and 20 yrs). Both students. Rent $90 p/w excluding expenses. Available mid-november. Can be short-term or long term. Located on vine st, 10 min walk to uni. Rooms have built in furniture, off st parking, nice quite neighbourhood. Dairy and takeaways close by. Email or text/call Sarah syd1@waikato.ac.nz 027 467 0387

Flatmate wanted to live in a nice, sunny, three bedroom house. it is in a nice neighbourhood, 10 minute walk to uni and close to bk. rent is $80 per week. text 0276966351.

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COLUMNS ever seen.

The results were… interesting!

Here’s a few characters that have been spotted by the girls I’ve interviewed:

Any girl who has seen the ‘too big to fit in here’ scene on ‘The Sweetest Thing’, can identify with the Golden Rule… what we always tell them, no matter what: “Your penis is so BIG…Your penis is so thick... Your penis is so pretty… You’ve got a handsome dick! Your penis is so HARD… Your penis is so large… My body is a movie, and your penis is the STAR!” This is a gross exaggeration, but it shows the point. Girls are generally honest-ish when it comes to describing a guy’s manhood. There’s always pressure to react positively when they first see Mr. Winky, because their reaction could make or break a man’s self esteem… so most girls go through the routine of “WOW! That’s impressive.”

To be truthful, a man’s genitals are hardly the most attractive things in the world, but so much

‘hangs’ on them. To males, the phallus is a status symbol of manhood – the bigger his penis is, the more masculine and dominant the male is.

Many guys suffer from ‘penis-phobia’ - and I’m not talking a fear of bending over in an all-male communal shower! Some guys suffer incredibly low penis-self esteem.

One guy I know of constantly texts girls asking if they think his penis is big. If any of these girls get a boyfriend, he’ll text and ask “is his penis bigger than mine? Is mine big? What do you think?”, Who DOES that!?

When they’re alone, girls often talk frankly about guys genitals, creating some colourful expressions to describe a man’s livelihood. As everyone knows, penises come in all shapes and sizes and colours. I spoke to some female friends about what the most unusual penises they’ve

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

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Carrot Cock – “Thick at the base… and then kinda tapers off…”

Pendulum Penis – “The opposite of Carrot Cock, thin at base and thick at tip” Egg-in-a-Nest – “His dick was actually smaller than his balls, he was a really big macho rugbyplayer guy too… it was surprising” The general comments were, however that most guys are ‘normal’ in size and appearance. Even if a guy’s penis has a bit of ‘character’, girls won’t mind.

Just relax and don’t worry - if a girl likes you, they’ll like your penis!

...wishes you all a productive study break and good luck for your examinations! We hope to see a you all back next year.

By The Panther

Hello there my little muscletiers, I love you (sexually) and it is my sad duty to tell you

Tip omega?: If you have been following my tips to date you should be 10 feet tall and have

that not only is this the last tip of the year but it could be the last one ever as I have not decided if I will do honours next year. So for your sake, you better hope I choose to stay and/or fail all my papers this semester. Sun rise, sun set… sun rise, sun set.

a green complexion but here is the ultimate tip – yes, I said ultimate tip (I don’t use these terms lightly, do I Vitamin C…biach). At every second of the day you have to flex, rep, and lift.

Remember Hurricane Katrina? There was no hurricane, I was just exercising in New Orleans.

And remember those other hurricanes you watched on the news that one time? With the disaster? Yeah, that was me also. Wow this is a pretty shit tip for the last one …..ah well, I’m very lazy and I’m not going to write another one so if you don’t like it you can go fuck yourself you cock sucking whore bag. Sorry I’m just feeling emotional. Now I know how the Emos feel.

Tip alpha: Astronomy can be a fun activity but how can it help you cut those guns up a notch?

Well when I astronomise I don’t use no piddly 5kg telescopic style device, I reach up to space and pull down the Hubble tele style scope.

After 50 reps of pulling down the Hubble from space my guns get pretty toned the fuck up - BAM!

Balloon Dick – “Just kinda hangs there all sad and deflated… like an empty balloon”

If by any chance you aren’t returning and would still like to receive the magazine, give us an email at:

nexus@waikato.ac.nz We can probably work out some kind of “subscription” thing with you where we’ll send out a copy to your address of choice!

There’s still one more issue of Nexus to go (issue 25!) but no doubt you’ll all be studying. It will be available on campus and you can probably pick one up when you come to sit your final exams!

COLUMNS

Today, given that this week’s issue is the male/ female issue, I thought that we should take a look at the two words, what they mean, and where they came from.

‘Female’ - it sounds like a fairly innocent word doesn’t it? Yet, along with ‘male’, it serves to divide the entire human population in to two distinct groups. Two groups which many people feel are juxtaposed. What do you think? Are the words ‘female’ and ‘male’ the complete opposite of one another semantically? Or is ‘female’ just a slightly altered form of ‘male’ or is it the other way around? Well, actually it’s neither.

‘Female’ ‘Female’ is defined as “belonging to the sex which bears offspring” by the Oxford English Dictionary. This at first seems a rather simple definition, but on further consideration comes

to the conclusion that any further definition is superfluous, and possibly even inaccurate.

Contrary to popular belief ‘female’ did not just come into existence by adding the prefix ‘fe-’ to ‘male’. ‘Female’ has an etymology all of its own. The word, like many words used in Modern English is ultimately descended from Latin.

The Latin form of the words is fēmella which is a diminutive form of fēmina, which means ‘woman’. However, it is thought to have entered the language via Old French. It is uncertain as to the exact date of the word’s arrival into English, although the word was present in Middle English in the form femelle, and it is only through association with the word male that it has come to have the form ‘female’.

‘Male’

male as belonging “to the sex which can beget offspring”. Now, just as I was, you (females) may be ready to throw something at the computer.

But I read on, and OED fortunately redeems itself by explaining that ‘male’ is “the sex which can beget, but not bear, offspring.” Interestingly enough, OED also defines males as being “of animals, including the human animal.” Now what does that say about men?

The word ‘male’ comes from Middle French via Anglo-Norman, in the words male, masle, and mascle. These forms are ultimately from Latin masculus, meaning ‘male’. It is easy to see that the related Modern English word ‘masculine’ also comes from Latin. Further etymology is, however, unknown. It is thought that the word ‘male’ entered the English language during the late 14th century. What men were called before that I do not know, although it does make an interesting topic to think about.

So there you have it. I have tried to do my bit to dispel any myths about the origins of the two words, and to educate people as to the subtleties of ‘female’ and ‘male’.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines the word

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

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COLUMNS

into his rectum? Damned near killed him. We were pretty sure no-one could ever have found it, it was so well hidden. Or so she thought. Anyway, the clock struck three and before anyone knew what had hit them we were covered in god-knows what and all the Doctors had lined up outside. And that was the worse Christmas ever.

Now, on a serious note…… life has been tough recently, so we wrote a poem to share with you all - I heard on myspace.com recently that getting in touch with yourself is the new cool. Funnily enough I also heard that on hotsweedishgirls.com/wegetyouoff.php. A real quote from a real Swedish customer reads: Oiy! Verdoderdenken schmelken auflschtoffle!

Oiy!!creditcard number asl? Hotpretty man? N Veerspreckiy inferszellers haha! :$ I got rid of the poem because it wasn’t funny and was killing the word limit.

I’ll tell you about this weird girl we met the Pub Quiz. She came and sat with us and babbled incoherently, way below the music level, about god knows what, and then wouldn’t leave when we told her to fuck off. You should need a license to go to in public, and one of the tests is not being a creepy motherfucker. That means not sitting at the bar-stool continually swigging on a clearly empty beer bottle.

It means not hanging around the edge of a group of people whom you clearly don’t know, and then laughing at a joke and elbowing your way in. It means sit down on your fucking stool and mind your own goddamn business. Yes people go to town to meet people, but they didn’t go to meet you. So keep your ass at home and watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force as your punishment for thinking that you deserve to be happy.

On a really cool note (a C#, most likely), vitaminC has his very own stalker/

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

fan!! That’s good enough for me. This guy loves me so much that he set up gay worship website to me. I mean, that’s pretty flattering, I hear that gay men have very high standards, and even personal hygiene. I hope he isn’t too heart-broken when he finds out I like the strawberry taco, as opposed to the chocolate….

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rectum. And also I’m getting married. Hey why not? Everything gets married, even animals and spiders. And just because they don’t have suits, and little cakes with people on them, doesn’t mean they’re not legally. Married.

Anyway, you can visit the vitaminC Gay Love Shrine at http://www. vitcgaylove.50megs.com/ Ahh the joys of internet fame. Hasn’t been updated much, unfortunately.

Stay tuned, next week features tales from the ASPA awards = gambling + strippers.

Young Vocal Students Vocal Students is a phrase that first came to our attention when a friend called some outspoken law students “a bit vocal.” It was from this statement that the term was born - “Vocal” meaning an activity involving the mouth, and “student” meaning on who studies. A “Vocal Student” is therefore either one who studies various oral activities or a student who is a tad too outspoken in class. In practice most vocal students take on both qualities.

Many students today believe that all vocal students are mature students and vice versa, however this is not necessarily true. Although some mature students are too outspoken, most have years of experience at doing so and have learned to be outspoken without being annoying prats. Far worse are the younger vocal students – the ones in their late teens who realise that they are about to hit the big two-one and thus out of fear of ‘growing up’ decide to draw attention to themselves in a “I’m the poofy centre of the universe” way.

Such students can usually be caught gallivanting about the lecture drawing unwanted attention like a drag queen with man crushes in a redneck pub.

Vocal Students usually can be caught laughing when no one else is at the lecturer’s ‘jokes,’ but sometimes can also be found in a hysteric fit in the corner because a grown up word like ‘sexual’ or ‘masturbation’ or even ‘neck pubes’ has been used.

Coming across angry vocal students is a horrendous experience. There is no escaping the large amounts of oral pain biting down on you. In fact some liken it to being chased down a dark alley and then having a dictionary rammed up your rectum without the benefit of KY warming jelly.

Vocal Students can also be tutors. An example is a tutor of one of our classes, who we’ll call ‘Homohawk.’ His job is to nod wildly and hum loudly in agreement of the lecturer. This is because only he can understand what the lecturer is talking about. It is also done because Homohawk would like an oral connection with the lecturer’s left buttock.

In conclusion, young Vocal Students are perhaps the worst things to fear at university. Many homophobic people often think they are gay. In actual fact although young vocal students may not necessarily be homosexuals they do indeed come across as being so – many in fact have “man-crushes,” and due to their extroverted nature, perhaps the best way to describe them is as a ‘little bit poofy.’

COLUMNS

It’s the penultimate Boganology and you’re probably expecting the same self-deprecation that both of my readers have come to know and love. But I have to take this second to last opportunity to talk seriously, as today’s topic is something I’ve intended to do for a while…

This is it folks, the Classic Rock students’ Top Ten. Thanks for voting everyone. Enjoy.

Dimebag Darrell – Cowboy From Hell

Kicking off the list at number ten is the legendary fat man Meat Loaf with ‘Bat Out Of Hell’ from the 1977 album of the same name. This epic song is grandiose rock-opera at its best.

On December the 8th 2004 ‘Dimebag’

Coming in at number nine is ‘Roxanne’ by Sting and The Police. Technically

Darrell, guitarist for Pantera and later Damageplan, was shot and killed during a performance in Columbus, Ohio. It was a hell of a shitty birthday present for me! Nathan Gale, a 25-year old ex-serviceman, jumped on-stage and fired at the band and the crowd.

Before firing he allegedly yelled abuse at Dimebag, blaming him for the break-up of Pantera. Two people were wounded and four others were killed. Included in the wounded were drum tech ‘The Cat’ who threw himself in front of drummer Vinnie Paul.

it’s not classic rock, but it rocks anyway, so it deserves to be here.

I would be hesitant to call Dimebag a hero. He was an awesome guitarist and from all accounts I’ve read a hell of a nice guy. But as far as I know he never saved anyone’s life. The reason to miss the guy is because he was one of us. He wasn’t an up himself virtuoso (Malmsteen?) or an ultra tough guy (too many to name). He was the friendly booze hound that loved his music – the perfect Bogan. He was also a hell of a GWAR fan (check out the video for ‘Cemetery Gates’, I think it is). So when he was shot it was one of us. He is Metal’s JFK or Princess Diana – I’m sure we all remember where we were when we heard he was shot. There was no grassy knoll or conspiracy but a good guy was shot down and it may sound melodramatic but I remember where I was.

Stay Bogan and have a drink for the Dime \m/

Next up at number seven is ‘Sharp Dressed Man’ by ZZ Top. I think their whole Eliminator album should be in here actually, but that’s just my biased opinion.

Coming in at six is the ubiquitous ‘Smoke On The Water’ by hard rock pioneers Deep Purple. Everybody knows that riff, and I’m sure just about anyone could play it too. No offense to all you Deep Purple fans out there.

‘Kashmir’ is our number five. This is a truly epic song, almost nine minutes of haunting beauty, from the band who many consider to be the greatest rock band of all time, Led Zeppelin.

The number four spot goes to my favourite rock band ever, AC/DC, with their song ‘Shook Me All Night Long’ from 1980’s Back In Black album.

Totally killer.

Kicking off the top three is ‘Free Bird’ by Lynyrd Skynyrd, their second entry in this list. The live version is almost fourteen minutes long, and has one of the longest and greatest guitar solos of all time.

The number two spot goes to the last of the great rock bands, Guns N Roses, and their song ‘Sweet Child O Mine’. How can you not love it? The opening solo turns any old drunk into an instant guitar god.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for. The song that got the most votes, and is now the Classic Rock Review Top Ten number one, is ‘Wish You Were Here’ by Pink Floyd. This slow, melodic, introspective, and uplifting song is a true classic, and Pink Floyd fully deserve this. I’m sure they’ll be stoked when they find out.

By the way, the winner of the dozen Tui is world champion arse kisser James Harnett. Congratulations.

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

From now on I’m proposing that we all get spiked wrist bands with WWDD? (What Would Dimebag Do?) The answer will always be – DRINK. I also propose that every December the 8th, while celebrating my birthday wherever you are, anyone with facial hair should dye it pink in memory of the Dime. If you don’t have facial hair (that shows shitty planning) spray paint your chin pink instead. Chicks get special kudos if they ‘have the balls’ to do this, double kudos to chicks that actually grow facial hair – just stay away from me.

The number eight position is held by ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ from the undeniable kings of southern rock, Lynyrd Skynyrd. Turn it up!

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ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006 UNCLE JIM

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COMIX

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

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FOOD & DRINK 1 ½ cups flour 1/3 cup poppy seeds 1 tsp baking powder Mix up butter and sugar, add other ingredients.

Back about 20 mins in a hot oven. Combine icing sugar, grapefruit juice and rind and some butter to a thin icing and drizzle over the biscuits.

About this time last year I remember telling ex-graphics guy Charlie to medicate his cold with garlic and lemon drink, finishing the instructions with ‘just buy a couple of lemons’. Charlie was scornful - ‘You don’t buy citrus in Hamilton East’.

He’s right. Here are 4 things you can do with grapefruits, oranges or lemons from your tree (or the neighbours’).

Grapefruit poppyseed biscuits I was messing around with flavours last night and came up with these, a variation on the cake.

Tangy and decadent.

125g butter ¼ cup sugar Juice and rind of one large grapefruit

Marmalade Combo of grapefruits, lemons, oranges Water Sugar Chop up the fruit quite thinly and remove biggest pips. Cover with roughly 3 times the amount of water and leave overnight. Next day boil it up in a big saucepan. When it’s kinda see-through, chuck some sugar in it – about 2/3 of the weight of the pulp, or just under a cup of sugar for each cup of pulp. I also added a bit of citric acid when I last made marmalade. Then you boil it some more at a high simmer until it looks like setting, which you can test by putting a bit on a plate. When that happens, put it into hot jars and seal when cold.

It can be a bit of a fine art getting it all right, but

Restaurants

By Hazazel

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

The Flax café If you’re heading down South for skiing or something and happen to pass through Taumaranui, you might notice a cafe on the right just as you get into town. It’s the Flax Cafe, and

wait, the food arrived.

it’s the nicest-looking eatery on the main street, which convinced us to stop there for lunch on Saturday (it’s open 9am-late Wed-Sun and 9am3pm Tues).

was heavy on the salad (which was nothing special) and light on substance, and the soba noodles in my citrus and chili chicken dish were a rather mushy. Having said that, the flavours were good in both dishes - the falafel had a nice mintiness, the stir-fried bok choy (which really has a flavour all it’s own) was great with the chicken (there was a good amount of that). Our side of chips was crisp and hot, but lacked seasoning.

We finished with an acceptable cappuccino, and a rather nice citrus slice from the counter.

Inside, the decor is fresh and clean with lots of shiny wood and local art on the walls. We sat by the window overlooking the patio. The sun shone in, a vase of fresh poppies glimmered on the table, and even the wooden chairs were surprisingly comfortable (though there are also cushy armchairs and couches for the really hedonistic). I was prepared to be impressed.

Even the waitresses were extra pretty. The menu looked good - an all-day breakfast menu, lunch menu, and dinner from 6. Desserts are also available all day. I highly approve. Prices looked fairly reasonable. We ordered, and after a short

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After such a build-up, it fell a little short of expectations. Sam’s grilled mushroom and falafel

Anywhere else I would have been content but slightly underwhelmed, but the Flax Cafe is just so darn charming that it redeems itself somehow.

I probably wouldn’t go there for dinner, but on a sunny day it’s a great spot for a snack or a light meal. See www.theflax.co.nz for more info.

it’s fun trying. If it works, you have lots of easy gifts for people. Put on retro checked gingham caps on the jars if you fancy. By the way, the op shop in Clyde St shopping centre has loads of jars with lids for 20c and 40c.

Emergency Cold Cure It’s more like an antisocial decongestant, but hey.

If you need to be briefly snot-less for something, give it a go: Boiling water Lemon/grapefruit juice As much chopped fresh garlic as you can handle (at least a couple of cloves) A teaspoon of honey Combine. Drink (carefully, with a spoon to eat the garlic bits). It may be an effort, but you can feel it working.

Rise and shine The classic grapefruit breakfast. Cut around the edge of the grapefruit, cut diagonally so it’s in triangle segments and then scoop out with a spoon. Sprinkle with sugar, unless you prefer unadulterated sourness.

By M. Emery For those that haven’t heard the first press release from The Big Day Out Crew has come out with the following performing next year: Jet, Tool, Muse, Violent Femmes, Scribe, The Killers, Evermore, Eskimo Joe, Peaches, The Veils, My Chemical Romance, Spank Rock, Shapeshifter, The Tutts, The Mint Chicks, Minuit, and The Open Souls.

Antagonist are playing Altitude this Friday 13 Oct. Blindspott are on the bill too.

Upsett shows will continue with a couple of all age matinee shows every month, 4 bands playing between 2pm and 6pm. The next show is Saturday 14 October, 3pm, $5 cover charge. Bands you can take into your ear orifices at this show are Scum System Kill (all girl Crust Band from Australia), Poodles, Streetcunt, Gawj and PSI. Get on down to Upsett at 333 Victoria St to get some crust into your sunny Saturday afternoon.

A bunch of singer songwriter types will sing their songs at Sohl over the next month or so. Look out for Reb Fountain on the 28th October. Reb Fountain’s debut album Like Water is available in all good music stores now and she is currently on a nationwide tour. I’ll have an interview with the lovely sweet Reb next week. www.myspace.com/rebfountain The new Numotion EP is available at Tandy’s in Hamilton. This is the first release from the Goodride Recordings label. The label is promoting and distributing original music from a collective of Raglan based musicians.

Other acts on the Label include Raw Sugar (old school rare groove), and Goodriders (broken beat and future Funk).

The first installment of ‘The Goodride Sessions’ at Sohl Bar, 21st October features Numotion and The Goodriders. Show time will be 9.30pm $10 door sales. See more at www.numotion.co.nz and www.myspace.com/ numotionensemble

The Datsuns Smoke and Mirrors Reviewed by Mo The Datsuns are back with their third and latest release, Smoke & Mirrors.

They sound a little different on this one. More serious. More elaborate. More melodies, less yelping. Not so many insanely catchy hooks

Basement Jaxx Crazy Itch Radio Reviewed by Shane After a series of valiant efforts at keeping dance music from becoming a relic of last century, Basement Jaxx have really caught the Venga-bus back to the late ‘90s on this album. Over the years, they’ve managed to keep the genre interesting enough for those of us who haven’t scattered their brains on pills, with their hook-laden boogie anthems and more than a few kitchen sinks thrown into the mix.

Crazy Itchy Radio however is a fairly timid effort at pushing the envelope. While much of the album retains the scattered ethnic influence that Kish Kash explored, the vocals and lyrics are decidedly bland. There are no Dizzy Rascal’s to MC the party nor any dance-floor soul anthems a la` ‘Good Luck’ or ‘Romeo’ on this album, instead tasteless bubble-gum pop with inane lyrics like ‘Take my back to your house/I’m so lonely, So lonely, can I come home with you” which make this album a grating experience.

Stellar* Something Like Strangers Reviewed by Brie This is New Zealand band Stellar*’s third album following their first two albums Mix and Magic Line, which between them won eight Tui awards.

The band has been together since 1999 when they first released Mix featuring the well known hit ‘Violent’. Stellar*’s third album is distinctive and clearly shows how far they have come in 7 years.

The popular single ‘For A While’ has a ballad-type feeling and beautiful evocative lyrics. However my personal favourites are ‘Whiplash’, ‘Take A Girl’, and ‘Life’. Whiplash is a poppy-sounding song with incredibly catchy lyrics, and a great chorus. Take A Girl is a blend of country and pop/rock, and Life is a gentler, lyrically honest song.

Overall I was impressed with the album; it boasts enough different styles that you don’t grow tired of listening to it. I would definitely recommend it for anyone who has heard and likes the other Stellar* albums, or who just wants something to chill to.

either. They try new things, like slide guitars, gospel singers and of course, the 8-minute epic.

Interesting.

There’s a big part of me that misses the raw, gutsy sound of their beer and sweat-drenched debut. Compared to the sheer in-your-face-ness of the older songs, some of these new ones almost sound quite…bland. Little r’n’r rippers are what they do best, after all.

That said, it does sound like they’ve tried

to stretch themselves as musicians, and that’s always cool. Hopefully their next offering will be a more integrated product of the music and the search. Or maybe it’ll be a return to the rock and the roll? Who knows.

All in all, ain’t such a bad effort. Fans will probably dig. They’re touring NZ again soon, I bet the songs will be fkn wicked live.

By Kazuma Namioka

Memoirs of a Geisha

Morrissey Who Put the ‘M’ in Manchester?

It’s a film about Japan, directed by a guy called Rob Marshall, based on a book by a guy called Arthur Golden, where all the main actresses are from China. But that probably can’t be helped; all of Japan’s young actresses were pop stars at some point, and complaints seem weak when Ziyi Zhang and Michelle Yeaoh are what we receive in exchange for fakery. Ken Watanabe plays the main desirable male character though (what can I say? Japan makes sexy men), and yes, Ken is a legitimate Japanese name though Barbie’s boyfriend was quite clearly American. Yes, also, to the observation that the actors involved have quite the fight-movie track record. No, Yeaoh does not jump a motorcycle onto a moving train in a kimono. Yes, there is a review in here somewhere.

Morrissey is a guy I had heard of before: people would mention him and I would nod and pretend to know who they were talking about.

I think for a while there I even had him confused with Jim Morrison, which is shameful. So I came to review this DVD in order to discover a bit more about him, and I can now see why I hear his name but not so much his music. Morrissey was in a band The Smiths before striking out on his own, and there are interviews with people at the show that… well, it’s a little creepy. They have Morrissey tattoos.

They go on at length about how much they mean to him, how true and personal and unique his lyrics are. They sound like Slayer fans, who are similarly, insanely devoted and loyal. If Morrissey wanted to penetrate your corpse…?

It’s probably what you would call a chick flick, because the main character is a female that doesn’t hang around in a bikini, and it’s largely about love, relationships and women competing with each other. Like a Japanese Bring It On. Set in the first half of the last century, it’s about a girl from a fishing village who was prettier than her sister and went to a Geisha house instead of a brothel; there she learns a sort of more complex, drawn out version of the girl in the bar that bums drinks without putting out. She’s taught to play music, dance, and converse to entertain men, who would pay to enjoy the company of pretty women without the sex. The film is a bit like that too: Zhang got topless like four times but not a single flash of nip.

Won 3 Academy Awards for it too.

It’s just that the guy and the music itself doesn’t seem like that big a deal. It was good enough, I guess. There’s some songs better than others, he sort of overacts on stage and looks a little silly sometimes.

It’s possible I had heard his songs before and I just don’t remember them; they’re sort of echoing-male-lead-vocals Brit pop. With the huge crowds he pulls, I’m sure the burden is on me to say why it’s not the best thing in the world, and I just don’t know how to do that. So hooray, Morrissey must be better than he is bad. I’m probably biased against him because others love him so much; it’s just something that’s been kicking in ever since I saw Jonestown. Remember the 909 lives lost to poisoned punch.

REVIEWS

Books The “Rolling Stones” Album File and Complete Discography Alan Clayson

and album that Rolling Stones have released. It’s to Rolling Stone’s fans what train catalogues are for train spotters (and not the cool drug taking kind either). So bring your anorak. Along with each album is a little ‘story’ about each album.

generally boring and have none of the rock n roll excess that I was hoping.

So really this is just a catalogue.

Reviewed by Burton C Bogan

Now when I heard about this book I wanted to read it. I wanted to find out why Keith was up in that coconut tree, what voodoo rituals are required to keep Keith in the undead manner he’s accustomed, or what it’s like to sleep with Jerry Hall (showing my age here). But there’s none of that. Even the little stories in between are

Buy this book if: you thought you had every album but Bobby down the road claims that you’re missing something ‘ultra-rare’ or you’re not entirely sure that your Rolling Stones collection is in exact chronological order.

It shows how the world has improved and that society was very naïve about these situations.

interesting creation, a character born at the wrong time that becomes both a victim and scapegoat. Her lucidity after 60 years of incarceration does require a suspension of disbelief from the reader though. Her hard times and tribulations come through in the story and it gives you a sense of relief to be born in the 21st century.

Ever wondered what year Rolling Stones released ‘Her Satanic Majesties Request?’ or what album ‘Jumping Jack Flash’ was first released on?

Then this little book-ette (because it looks like a paperweight) is for you. Yep, it’s not the first or the last, but it’s a comprehensive list of every song

The Vanishing Act Of Esme Lennox Maggie O’Farrell Reviewed By Alana Fergusson

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

Maggie O’Farrell created a burden for herself with ‘After You’d Gone’ as it was so good, so rounded and so inspiring. As a result, every book she has written since is going to be compared with it and, no matter how good they may be in their own right, they will never be as good as the latter. This applies to `The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox’. The actual storyline is a fascinating and timely reminder of the ridiculous reasons often used to put people away in asylums in the early 1900s. The central character, Esme, after 60 years within the asylum, emerges with an obvious score to settle. Lost, found and then lost again, the story puts emphasis on lucidity and mental illness in the early 1900s.

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Watch of Gryphons and Other Stories Owen Marshall RANDOM HOUSE (2005)

The story is not separated into chapters but rather has breaks that switch from the 1930s to the present day and interesting little snippets of conversations that we need to piece together with the central story. While I can appreciate the artistic merit, I found that this technique made the story disjointed. The literary devices she has employed in her previous novels were more reader friendly and therefore more successful. This seemed confusing, leaving me to read over what I had previously read.

Nevertheless any book of O’Farrell`s is going to be worth reading as she has such a fertile imagination and easy way with words. The characters are well drawn and, as with all of her novels, we come away with a deep understanding of the individual, their history and current situation. Esme is an

varied and idiosyncratic compilation that is sometimes absurd, but always superb. My favourite, Minding Lear uses the ‘capricious indignity of Alzheimer’s disease’ over 30-odd pages to weave a story that is brightly tragic.

The presence of an authentic kiwi ‘voice’ makes Marshall’s work familiar, while his attention to the detail of everyday life brings something new and exciting to the reader.

Recommended by Jeff Rule If you have an insatiable story-greed then this could be the book for you. Owen Marshall has long been a fixture of the New Zealand fictionand-short-story scene, and has put together this collection. Watch of Gryphons then, is a

And there is a lot to be said for a collection of short stories such as this. Prose that is brief enough to be read before bed or on the way to work should be treasured. Books such as this that have enough variation to keep even

If you open your mind wide enough you should be able to see the magnificent tale that is being told throughout this story.

Read it if: You want something different from your average reading. Great for the up and coming holidays!

the most ritalin-deprived of literati engrossed, are few and far-between.

But don’t take my word for it. Michael King described Marshall as ‘quite simply, the most able and successful short story writer currently writing in New Zealand’, and the book was short-listed for the 2005 Montana New Zealand Book Awards. Overlook this gem at your peril!

Read this book if: you like your stories short and your fiction fictitious.

REVIEWS

Films Wah-Wah What a disappointment this film was. It could’ve been brilliantly entertaining with its all-star cast and exotic location, but unfortunately it’s a lukewarm autobiographical soap opera of actor turned director Richard E. Grant. It probably makes sense to him, but to me it lacked any cohesive narrative structure or thematic unity.

up like a sad jack in the box towards the end, when the other dramatic moments have been sucked dry. No wonder Richard E. Grant plays such twisted and cynical characters; if I had a childhood like that I’d be a raving psycho. Pity he can’t write a decent story that us ordinary movie audiences can relate to – I know he’s an actor, but did he read any books on scriptwriting?

There’s no tension, no goal, no sense of progression, only time passing from one drama queen moment to the next.

Nominally a coming of age story set in about to be independent Swaziland, young Grant’s life

I know I should be more tolerant of his directorial

appears to be a veritable torrent of alternating sad, mad and happy moments seen through the muddy glass of his father’s alcoholism. It looks like a mad life in soon to be post-colonial Africa, which is obliquely referred to with the occasional jolt of irony but otherwise sidelined into a pulpy mish-mash of privilege and hypocrisy. It pops

debut, but there’s more to directing than pasting a bunch of shots together to show a scene. The acting’s good but unfortunately the camera sequencing doesn’t do it justice, with standard moves and compositions that could’ve come off the back of a cornflakes box. Whoever did the art direction is obviously very talented, but it says

RIALTO CINEMA

Reviewed by Joe Citizen

Rialto

By Leigh McGeady

something of a movie when you end up admiring the lamps in the background. Fine editing and photography with a virtually invisible score reveal that there’s a lot of hidden artistry lurking in the wings but without a decent story none of it is allowed to shine.

All that expertise gone to waste producing genredefying rubbish that doesn’t know if it’s serious or comedic. He’s managed to get the dosh and connections to make it, but after this will he be able to do it again? Glenn Standrig did after The Irrefutable Truth about Demons and it’s not that bad, but then again he doesn’t have the New Zealand Film Commission to contend with either.

A mixed bag at best.

Check

Ever had a family road trip to some far away destination? And if so, did you start off feeling that you had the most dysfunctional family ever but by the end of the trip you came to realise that heck, they aren’t that bad after all? Well this is kinda the gist of the film I’m going to tell you about today called Little Miss Sunshine.

No one among the Hoovers quite has it together, but it’s not for lack of trying. The father Richard (Greg Kinnear), a hopelessly optimistic motivational speaker, is desperately attempting to sell his 9-step program for success – without much success. There’s the Hoovers’

They may not be the picture of perfect mental health, but when a fluke gets Olive invited to compete in the fiercely competitive “Little Miss Sunshine” competition in California, the whole family rallies behind her. They pile into their

rusted-out VW combie and head west on a three-day journey filled with madcap surprises and leading up to Olive’s big debut – which will change the entire misfit family in ways they could never imagine.

This film was a runaway hit at the Sundance Film Festival, where it played to standing ovations. Let’s see if we can give it some here in Hamtown! Season begins 12th October.

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

Little Miss Sunshine is an American family road comedy that shatters the mould. It is brazenly satirical and yet deeply human. The film introduces audiences to one of the most endearing fractured families in recent cinema history: the Hoovers.

“pro-honesty” mother Sheryl (Toni Collette) who is constantly harried by her family’s eccentric secrets, especially those of her brother (Steve Carell), a gay suicidal Proust scholar fresh out of the hospital after being jilted by his gay lover.

Then there are the young Hoovers with their unlikely dreams – Dwayne (Paul Dano), an anger-fueled, Nietzsche-reading teen who has taken a staunch vow of silence until he gets into the Air Force Academy and then there is Olive, a four-eyed, slightly plump, seven year-old would-be beauty queen. And to top off the family is the grandfather (Alan Arkin), a foul-mouthed pleasure seeker recently kicked out of his retirement home for snorting heroin.

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INTERVIEW

What’s it like in the UK and will they ever play Ward Lane again? Mo interviews Phil from the Datsuns Ahh, the Datsuns. I was never old enough to be jaded or blasé about them; for a girl in her mid-teens whose parents weren’t the type to educate her about the finer elements of classic rock’n’roll, they were a good second-generation sort of place to start paving my way from.

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

Everyone knows their story – heck, most musictypes in Hamilton were in it. Whether you like their music or not, you gotta admit they’re doing pretty well for themselves. They’ve been living in the UK and touring around Europe for some years now, with the odd sojourn back to New Zealand, and just last week released their third album, ‘Smoke & Mirrors’.

about what we wanted to do.”

and thus being able to legally live over there, whilst Phil just has to get a work permit. And

Finding a suitable producer for ‘Smoke & Mirrors’ was a long and arduous process, with the Datsuns having worked with “more than a few people” to no avail. In the end, they decided that they’d go for a DIY approach and produce it themselves.

‘work’ is what they love the best – “we can just drive, you know, in Europe and see the world and earn money from playing shows.”

“This one we spent a lot of time on it and thought about it a lot, and did it all ourselves and actually recorded the whole thing… We didn’t really come across any good ideas [working with other people] and we just wanted to do it ourselves. We just kinda wanted to recognise our own artistic vision of the whole thing rather than someone else.”

They haven’t forgotten about New Zealand, though. Far from it. When I mention their upcoming NZ shows, Phil, who up till now has been pretty laid-back, begins to talk just that tiny bit faster.

I chat to Phil over the phone and much to my surprise (and dismay), find that remnants of my fangirldom are still ever-so-slightly apparent, and

“Ah, the first one, three words…I don’t know, ‘we were young’? ‘We were young’ kinda encapsulated the first 7 years of our career really.

“I always come back to New Zealand and love it and it’s always hard to leave. All my friends are there and I love, just, the atmosphere in New Zealand is something that I really miss as well.

And just the luxury of being able to drive to the beach within a couple of hours, I always really miss that. I miss hanging out with friends and just doing stupid things… over here it’s a bit harder to do that but I mean, I’ve always seen our situation over here as being temporary. At some stage I want to move back to New Zealand, at the

the interview is a rather disjointed and overenthused affair on my part. How positively horrid.

Luckily, Phil is amicable and polite enough not to take the piss.

Our second one was kind of a case of ‘you can’t win’. In hindsight we should have waited but… it doesn’t really matter, really. The third one - ‘my favourite one’. I guess it is a bit of a combination of the first two, and I like the songs and I think we play better on it… it sounds better. It sounds more like if you’re coming to see us play at a show, it encapsulates that.”

moment I don’t know when that will be. I sincerely miss New Zealand.” He stresses the ‘sincerely’ and I can hear it, italic bold underlined, with a capital S. Aww. Any chance of the Datsuns playing Ward Lane ever again?

“Ahh, I would hope so, I’m not sure when that will be. Hopefully one day we’ll do some sort of secret show there one day.”

Playing shows in Europe is “probably some of the best experiences I’ve ever had,” says Phil.

“You’re experiencing so many different cultures and just driving around and you just hire a van and in a few hours you could be in France, then in Belgium, or Holland.”

I make a lame joke about them playing under a different name – “like The Hondas!” and he laughs uncomfortably. I take this as a sign and bid him thanks and goodbye. He does the same.

Such a polite guy, you’d never know he played in a rock’n’roll band.

The boys have it pretty good over in the UK, with the three other members having British descent

Mo reviews Smoke and Mirrors on page 42.

We talk about all their albums so far. I press on a bit about the lack of success with their sophomore release, the John-Paul Jones (of Led Zep fame, but you knew that)-produced ‘Outta Sight/Outta Mind’. How did they feel about the second album compared with the new one?

“We’re all very happy with the new record and hope that it goes better than the second one,” says Phil. “But you know, it’s a point of view thing.

We were happy with our second record as well.

It was the place we were at the time, wrote a lot of stuff on the road, it’s just how we were feeling

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When asked to describe each of the three albums in three words each, Phil laughs and replies:

SECTION TITLE

ISSUE 24 / 9 OCTOBER 2006

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