issue 24 by Nexus Magazine

www.nexusmag.co.nz

12 October 2009

E U More people want to enrol at university and student numbers are capped. This makes it more important for you to pass in 2009 to ensure your place for 2010.

0800 WAIKATO waikato.ac.nz

October surprise, one more time!

ISSUE 24 Credits: EDITOR: Joshua Drummond (editor@nexusmag.co.nz) DESIGN: Talia Musson (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) ADVERTISING: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) NEWS EDITOR: Grant Burns (news@nexusmag.co.nz) SUB-EDITOR: Louise Blackstock

You scumbag. You filth. You complete and utter coward.

whose politics may be completely different from theirs

WEB GURU: Jed Laundry (jlaundry@gmail.com)

The above goes out to the person or persons who thought

while still claiming to represent them. The problem is

MUSIC EDITOR: Nick Johnstone (music@nexusmag.co.nz)

it would be a good idea to go out at night and paper the

I also believe that student services should be owned

FILM EDITOR: Kirill Kruger (films@nexusmag.co.nz)

University with posters accusing the Waikato Students

and operated by students, for students. This is what the

BOOKS EDITOR: Art Focker (books@nexusmag.co.nz)

Union Vice-President, Glen Delamere, of being a child

WSU, in its recent incarnations, comes quite close to

GAMES EDITORS: Antony and Chris Parnell

abuser, among other things. (It’s a lie, in case anyone was

achieving. They’ve mostly dispensed with political bullshit

(games@nexusmag.co.nz)

wondering.) It’s meant for whoever thought it would be a

and embraced pragmatism - in marked contrast to other

clever move to put up two anonymous websites attacking

unions, like at Victoria University, where the union is run by

him, and, to a lesser extent, the Waikato Students Union.

Communists. No, really. You won’t see today’s WSU making

Contributors

I have seen some ridiculous things since becoming part

asinine moves like putting bounties on visiting foreign

8 Ball, WSU, Kirill, Burton C. Bogan, Dr Richard

of Nexus. I’ve seen anonymous attacks made through

dignitaries (Auckland University Student Association) or

Swainson, Josh, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC,

the internet on Nexus and WSU staff, seen all the Nexus

spending thousands of dollars “pimping” the Union van

Jason Sebestian, Penny Wilson, Antony Parnell, Nick

magazines stolen and hidden, had a good collection of

(Victoria University of Wellington Students Association.) No,

Johnston, Louise Blackstock, Emma Swete, Hollie

hate mail, some of it from neo-Nazis who took it upon

mostly the WSU puts on O’Week, supports and develops

Jackson, Jason Sebestian, Dawn Tuffery, Teresa

themselves to make vague threats against me. I’ve been

clubs, does extensive and vital work on student advocacy,

Hattan, Morgon de Groot, Enisa Kartal, Gordon

threatened with violence from a couple of angry people.

runs umpteen student events throughout the year, and

Dawson, the Egyptian Goddess of Irony

But I’ve never seen anything that approaches this level of

many other things. Oh, and they own, and financially

calculated evil. Yes, evil.

support Nexus, a magazine that’s served the students

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press

Student politics is, far too often, a dirty business. Sadly,

since the 1960s. (The financial support comes from the

Association (ASPA) Because eventually, you run out

mud sticks. Which I’d wager is exactly the intention of

WSU taking four pages of advertising in every issue.) By

of reason(s).

whoever perpetrated this disgusting smear.

and large, they do a good job. And when I say “they” I might

It’s too bad that this thing should occur now, at the WSU,

better say “you” - because every student here is a member

which after dark years of shonky operations has slowly

of the Waikato Students Union. This may soon change.

become one of the best functioning student unions in

I don’t think that a voluntary union is inherently likely to

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT

the country. I hear from fellow student magazine editors

be any better than a compulsory one - in fact, it might turn

NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003

enough to know that our union does comparatively well in

out to be worse, as the many fiascos surrounding the WSU

LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE

the scheme of things. Despite this, or perhaps because of

when it was voluntary go to show. But it’s not up to me. If

EDITOR, OR ANYONE. NEXUS: PUTTING UP WITH ALL KINDS

it, there exist people who would pull a stunt like the one

unions are made to go voluntary by Government mandate,

OF BULLSHIT SINCE 1968

I’ve just described. The thing that really gets me is the

the transition needs to be made in a way that would see

knowledge that not only do these people flout every ethical

the current services they offer undiminished. I think the

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS?

standard of decency, not to mention defamation law,

students deserve a decent student media. I think they

EMAIL ads@nexusmag.co.nz

but that they do it (I’d guess) out of a sense that they’re

need advocacy services. I think they’d quite like to keep

OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176 6180

somehow doing the right thing. That’s sick. Completely,

O’week. Currently, these are all owned and run by students,

utterly, sick. A concerted campaign to ruin someone’s life

whether students realise this or not. I think this is a good

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT

with anonymous lies is not how politics should work. And

thing, and that the Government should consider it carefully

Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University

the timing is terrible.

when the VSM Bill goes to its second reading. It’s a shame

of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton

You might have heard about the Voluntary Student

that this smear campaign will probably be used as media

PHONE: 07 838 4653

Membership bill that’s currently awaiting Select Committee

fuel for the VSM fire, and will likely create a smokescreen

FAX: 07 838 4588

and second reading at Parliament. It claims to promote

for the real issues.

EMAIL: editor@nexusmag.co.nz

freedom of association. I have no problem with this - in

This is the second to last Nexus of the year. It would have

POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

fact, I agree with it, in principle, despite being deeply

been the last, but we’ve decided to put out a study week

suspicious of the politics behind the bill. Students should

issue as a kind of yearbook-retrospective thing for you. I

not be lumped into automatically joining an organisation

hope you like it - make sure you pick it up.

Mag-ick Ewwwwt Ball By the Disgusting Ball

Ask again late – after the elections. Well, actually, you should know before too long, so asking might be dangerous. If it does turn into a dictatorship, you can be assured that asking questions will get you shipped to a gulag. In Palmerston North.

Are the separatists going to storm the Beehive with an army of Temuera Morrisons? Don’t count on it – the separatists are too busy minding their own business/being arrested to breed a poorly-thought-out army of incredibly inept retcon clones. An army of Jake the Musses, on the other hand…

Is this the real Da Vinci Code? The Judean Wrestling Federation? Outlook good – that would have made such a better book than all that tripe about Jesus having sex with Mary Magdalene. Come on. He hung out with 12 male companions, for Christ’s sake.

Is the fact that Judas Iscariot was destined to betray Jesus as shown by Jesus’s premonitions, and considering that whilst Jesus was tortured for mere hours Judas was condemned to eternity in hell mean that Judas made a bigger sacriﬁce for our sins than Jesus? Are we worshipping the wrong person? Better not tell you now – it’d spoil the afterlife surprise!

Is the real problem with the Leonardo’s Last Supper simply that John is effeminate and looks like a girl?

If Voluntary Student Unionism kicks in, will Nexus survive? My sources say no – but the replacement magazine, Suxen, will do very well. It will consist

You may rely on it – there, that clears it all up, doesn’t it? Wow, what a lot of Jesus-related questions. Let’s move on.

entirely of puzzle pages and Busted, with the exception that all the Busted pictures will be taken in student’s bedrooms.

Does the fact that only 13 people are running for the 12 Director’s positions on the WSU mean that it will morph into a Stalin-esque dictatorship?

Did Ladyhawke deserve all her New Zealand Music Awards? Signs point to yes – she’s pretty good for an men’s-clothes-wearing Aspergers-syndromesporting shy misﬁt of a girl who looks like your slightly nutty aunt. Must listen to her music sometime.

If you remove Jesus from the last supper, the disciples all look ready for a smack-down.

WANT TO BE INVOLVED WITH NEXUS BUT CAN’T TEAR YOURSELF AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER?

forums.nexusmag.co.nz ..........sign up today!

1. What are you doing this summer? 2. Do you think Waikato Uni should continue to teach Spanish? 3. If you created your own band, what would you call it? 4. Who would win the fight between David Tua and Chuck Norris? 5. Who would you cheat on your partner for?

1. Trying to quit smoking 2. Yeah if there’s heaps of people interested, if not then no. 3. Destiny 4. Chuck of course 5. Beyonce

1. Working 2. ??? 3. The Police take two 4. Chuck 5. Could never do it

1. Going overseas/ escaping 2. Sure/ definitely 3. Oh Baby/ Becca is cool 4. Tua/ Chuck 5. Becca/ Duri

1. Bee Keeping 2. Yes! They should also teach Greek 3. Eternity 4. Chuck 5. GOD

1. Working 2. No 3. Linda’s Angles…… Don’t ask why 4. Tua 5. No one

ISSUE 24 12 October 09

Show me the money Don’t join Scientology By Grant Burns

The academic year has once again come to a close and now is the time where students must ﬁnd a way to survive until next year. However, there are ways to pay the rent other than selling your vital organs at the Frankton Markets. Student Job Search – SJS is the number one site for student jobs. At the time of writing, there are currently 71 job vacancies in the Waikato and 822 throughout New Zealand. To access these jobs all you need to do is create a login at www.sjs.co.nz and start browsing. Once you ﬁnd a job you want to apply for, then you just ring up SJS and they give you the details.

Students who are eligible and live out of home can earn $158 a week and those who live at home $121. If you want to apply then contact Studylink on www.studylink.govt.nz or visit you local branch. Work and Income Unemployment Benefit – this is a tricky one. The unemployment benefit pays the exact same amount as the Student Hardship Benefit, except you can get an add-on up to $228 if you say you’ve decided to stop studying and can’t find a job. WSU Student Advocacy Services – did you know every student is entitled to $500 in emergency funds each year? Ha, bet you didn’t. If you can

Rebecca from SJS offered some job-hunting tips for students. “You must be proactive when looking for a job. Be extra vigilant because we put jobs up at any time of the days. Always feel free to ring up or come in anytime.” Student Hardship Benefit – if you can’t find a job but still need to pay the rent, then get in to your local Studylink (3 syllables). Students must first find out whether or not they are eligible for the Student Hardship Benefit, but basically if you live out of home and you have no more weekly income after uni finishes, then you are eligible.

prove you have zero dollars in your bank account and will die/ be evicted if advocacy can’t help, then they will top you up and help you out with whatever you need. TradeMe Jobs ¬– Trade Me can be used for more than just wasting money. Right now (Wednesday 7 October) there are currently 6654 jobs all up on TradeMe jobs which includes part, casual, and full time. Seek.co.nz – Seek is an awesome job browser which is very similar to TradeMe jobs. Basically there are thousands of part and full time jobs on this site so check it out.

University holds memorial service for victims of Samoan tsunami By Hollie Jackson

Last Thursday, the Waikato University Samoan Students association held a memorial service at the University Chapel dedicated to those who lost their lives in the recent tsunami in Samoa. Along with the memorial service, the University held a successful emergency relief drive, where students and staff alike donated food, clothing and other essential items. There are over 5,000 Samoans living in Hamilton, and around 200 of them attend Waikato University. The memorial service held at the Uni Chapel showed due respect to those who have been effected by the tragedy. Samoan Church leaders, along with Hamilton MP David Bennett, key university staff and the Tongan, Fijian Cook Island and Maori associations, spoke at the memorial service.

Taﬁ Faaglu, President of the Samoan Students association, says that “we are just trying to help out with sending equipment, like clothes and pots and pans over to help the people over there because they have no homes and have nothing left.” At least 180 people have been killed in Samoa, American Samoa and Tonga and it is reported that the toll is expected to rise. The devastation that the tsunami has caused throughout the islands and to relatives and friends in New Zealand has been enormous. “We will pick up all the donated goods by Friday evening and take them to Auckland where they will be delivered to those in need on Saturday night”, Faaglu said.

On behalf of the WSU and the Samoan Students association, thank you to all of those who kindly donated to the charity drive, your generosity is greatly appreciated.

Interested In Postgraduate Study? For more information and to find out about Postgraduate Research Month in October visit www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/postgraduate/ 6

0800 WAIKATO www.waikato.ac.nz

“LOL C U SN”

As last words go, these suck Sending a text message while driving could cost you your life.

BETTLE6751

Never use your phone when driving. Supported by the Waikato Regional Education Group

www.reducetherisk.co.nz

Students petition against foreign language axing By Grant Burns

A group of students from the foreign language department have collected several hundred signatures for a petition to stop the proposed axing of Japanese and Spanish classes from the curriculum. Petition organiser, Aaron Arden, is hoping to present the petition to Vice Chancellor Roy Crawford and Head of FASS Daniel Zirker in an effort to stop the proposal going ahead. After reading the story in Nexus, (‘Language studies face uncertain future’ Issue 18, 2009) Aaron and his friends devised and distributed the petition around the foreign languages department. Within in three weeks, already 241 signatures have been collected in favour of keeping foreign language courses at Waikato. Petition founder, Aaron Arden, is currently studying German and will graduate before any proposed curriculum changes take effect, but is ﬁghting instead for future students who want

to learn Spanish, Chinese, or any other foreign language at Waikato.

“ Perhaps the most important for the University itself to consider is the damage the removal of language courses would do to the image of the University. Should Waikato University be known as one of the very few Universities to not offer languages” “I feel potential students should still have the chance to study languages, even only as an elective. I know several students at high schools who are passionate about languages and would like to study them here and incorporate other

ﬁelds of interest into their degrees- but won’t come here if languages are scrapped.” “Perhaps the most important for the University itself to consider is the damage the removal of language courses would do to the image of the University. Should Waikato University be known as one of the very few Universities to not offer languages? A University not offering languages is absurd and a great sense of culture would be lost here,” said Arden. Arden is hoping to present the petition before the end of B Semester. Restructuring changes will take place over the summer period to be ready for the 2010 A Semester. This petition, if accepted, will have to be considered closely by the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences select committee and board of directors as a just representation of the student body.

Rock ‘n’ Roll doesn’t holiday And other summer entertainment By Grant Burns

Rhythm and Vines? Mate’s Bach? Working? New Year’s isn’t the only day and night in the summer holidays, so don’t worry if you can’t get absolutely slaughtered like every other sheep on one ‘special’ night where the earth meets the water – there is a lot more fun to be had elsewhere. The amount of international gigs over the summer period for 09/10 is like no other year. Them Crooked Vultures, AC/DC, Pearl Jam, the Big Day Out, Faith No More, The Pixies, Fleetwood Mac, Isia and many more obscure acts. If music isn’t your bag and you want to keep your skin colour a healthy twink-white, then take refuge in a nearby cinema. Upcoming cinema releases include: Saw 6, Where the Wild Things Are, Michael Jackson’s This Is It, 2012,

“If music isn’t your bag and you want to keep your skin colour a healthy twink-white, then take refuge in a nearby cinema” Jurassic Park 4, Iron Man 2, and for all you sequel-sucking, Michael Bay bastard children – Transformers 3. The main festivals over summer include Rhythm n Vines on New Year’s Eve, Southern Amped, Parachute Festival 2010, and the Big Day Out 2010. If you still can’t ﬁnd something to do then you can always enrol in a summer school paper. If all else fails – sleep till March.

I THINK I’VE BEEN SCAMMED! Mabel lost a lot of money through a scam which, according to Wickipedia, is a confidence trick or confidence game (also known as a bunko, con, flim flam, gaffle, grift, hustle, scam, scheme, or swindle) and is an attempt to defraud a person or group by gaining their confidence. It is so common these days that everyone should be able to recognize a scam and save some embarrassing and expensive incidents. The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 0800FORCAB (0800 367 222). There are many good ‘scam’ sites on the internet to help you avoid being scammed. eg the information service provided by the Ministry of Consumer Affairs, SCAMwatch.

Five dollar courses For horses? by Jason Sebestian

From the 6th of October till the 10th of November,

student to attend these seminars. In fact, one does

Ed Vos from the Waikato Management School who will

the Waikato Pathways College will be hosting a series

not need to be already interested in discussing world

be presenting a two hour seminar on happiness and

of challenging and innovative seminars presented by

issues that affect our community to be drawn in by

wealth. For students who have studied in his classes,

a panel of well known and respectable speakers on

these seminars. All students are welcome to attend

this seminar should be of no surprise.

topics ranging from sustainability in modern times to

and listen to the guest speakers whether for fun, to ﬁll

At any rate, if you ﬁnd yourself wandering around

radical rethinking of economic development.

in time or to start considering issues one has never

university with nothing to do, or if you want a break

How often is it that you come across a seminar where

thought of before.

from exam revisions and so happen to be looking for

the presenter or the speaker is just so dull and lifeless

In any case, the caliber and range of presenters

brain stimulation, these seminars are bound to give

that one could nod off and sleep halfway through the

should be enough to draw interest in students. On the

something to you. All 6 seminars are held in AG.30

seminar without much effort?

27th of October, former Green Party politician Nandor

near Gate 8, from 6.30pm till 8.30 pm. There is a door

The Waikato Pathways College aims to break

Tanczos will be giving a speech regarding ecology

charge of two dollars for those with Student ID and a

that common perception of seminars and topical

and economics. To students of all political stripes this

fee of ﬁve dollars for those without.

discussions by their 6 week seminar course which is

might be an interesting seminar to attend, if not for

For more information, check out the website at www.

interestingly named, “Radical Rethink Required”. One

the issue at hand, then for the often colourful speaker

conted.waikato.ac.nz or email bev.collinson@waikato.

does not need to be a radical or a political science

himself. Also, the following week features Professor

ac.nz.

A smear campaign against the WSU (Waikato

The allegations have been denied by Delamere, who

“Bullying claims lead to resignation,” in which former

Students Union) and current WSU Vice President

is the current WSU Vice President, and the WSU.

WSU Director Jeff Hawkes and current director Anya

candidate Glen Delamere erupted last Wednesday

“This organisation (The Waikato Students Union) is

Varejchina accused Delamere of bullying. The article

when posters were put up around campus calling

robust and quite capable of defending itself from

omitted to mention that Jeff Hawkes had been

him a “child abuser.”

allegations that I believe have no foundation. This

asked to present himself at a WSU Board meeting to

Three main anti-campaign posters were posted

organisation is accountable and transparent and will

answer complaints of bullying and harassment laid

around campus on Tuesday morning advertising two

stand by our reputation and stand up for our views,”

against him from several WSU directors, as reported

anonymous, anti-WSU websites. The posters, which

said WSU Manager Dave West.

in Nexus. Instead of doing this, he submitted his

were immediately taken down by WSU Directors,

“I think it is important that all students are able to

resignation.

included statements such as: “Child Abuser,” “It’s

feel safe on campus and the WSU will vigorously

No-one has yet been caught or claimed responsibility

OK to bully and intimidate people,” and “Vote No

defend their right,” said WSU President Ben Delaney.

for the smear campaign, but it has been taken up

Conﬁdence (oh wait…you can’t…).”

The smear campaign coincides with an article

with the New Zealand Police and Waikato University as a serious matter.

O NOV 1 5 2009

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Vault: August 2 1993 Students want Spanish By El Burnso

Students campaigning for Spanish to be taught at Waikato University set up a petition outside the shops last week with enthusiastic interest from students. Humanity students have been trying to pressure the university into accepting their plea that Spanish should be included into the Humanities curriculum. The petition desk was set up on Monday afternoon, and by Wednesday morning there were over 700 signatures. Group spokesperson, Gwenda Pennington, told Nexus over 200 million people throughout the world speak Spanish which makes it a major language and a necessary subject for Waikato University to provide. Dean of Humanities, Peter Oettli, agrees offering Spanish would be a good idea.

Nexus Yearbook Issue next week

To make sure you really are studying during study week, Nexus will be producing its 2009 Yearbook round up issue next Monday (ﬁrst day of Study Week). The issue will be the last Nexus of the year and will contain hours and hours of riveting reading for the whole summer.

Unfortunately, Oettli says the Humanities department appears to lack the necessary funding to do anything about it.

“over 200 million people throughout the world speak Spanish which makes it a major language and a necessary subject for Waikato University to provide” Oettli talked to Nexus about what he called the “Spanish problem.” “There’s nothing [wrong] with organising it, but there’s enormous problem paying for it,” said Oettli. “At the moment, given our ﬁnancial situation and the lowered income next year, [to introduce Spanish] would be irresponsible.”

Band Experiments Final

This Thursday 15th October is the York Street Studio’s Band Experiments Final at Flow Bar. Tickets are $5 and the top bands from each heat and a wildcard entry will be competing. The bands conﬁrmed so far are: NRG Rising, Dick Dynamite and the Doppelgangers and Second Chapter.

The Humanities Departments are in a very poor position financially with their ability to supply even basic resources for students in danger. These problems were highlighted recently when the French Department held a cake stall to raise money for much needed resource books. Nexus understands further “muffin days” are planned to raise money for teaching books in a financially fleeting faculty.

Don’t forget next year

A lot of students think that because they are currently studying now, then they won’t have to enrol for next year. This is wrong. If you want to study here next year then you must get enrolled by March 1. Otherwise you lose.

2016 Olympics to be held in Rio

Book your travel plans now cause this is going to be sick. This is the ﬁrst time Brazil will host the Olympic Games.

East Hamilton Police Burglary & Vehicle Crime Report 21st September - 5th October 2009.

In the past three weeks there were 41 burglaries and 4 vehicles either stolen or broken into in Hamilton East and adjoining rural areas. These burglaries do occur daily during the week, but they peak on Wednesday and especially on Saturday with 10 recorded break-ins. Most of offenders have used force to either jemmy open the window / door or have smashed the glass to gain entry. The offender(s) are aware that students go out on Friday / Saturday nights into Hamilton City. This makes your flats an easy target for items, such as laptop computers, digital cameras and cash. Home security advice is available from the East Hamilton Community Policing Centre on Clyde St. As a minimum precaution Police recommend recording the serial numbers of valuable appliances and storing that data somewhere safeother than on your laptop. This enables Police to identify recovered goods and return them to their rightful owners, recently several items have been found by Police when executing search warrants but officers have no way of tracking owners. Circumstances of a Burglary: On Saturday 26th September at about midnight the victims were out in town for the evening. The offender(s) has used a recycling bin outside the flat to stand on to climb into the toilet window, which they forced open.

Once inside they have used a bag from the lounge and ﬁlled it with an Xbox, Xbox games, laptop and digital camera. They then left via the ranch slider in the lounge, which opens out onto the private courtyard. Question from the Police: How often do you leave recycle bins or items outside to step onto to gain access to windows? If you go out at night, do you ask your fellow neighbors / students to keep an eye on your ﬂat? If you are burgled, please call the Police, we can investigate and help stop burglaries from occurring. If you have any information that might help Police resolve offences burglaries please call the University Constable, Nick Sickelmore on 8582792 or e-mail Nicholas.Sickelmore@police.govt.nz

The Nexus Haiku News By Drummond-san

NASA downgrades asteroid threat Strike still inevitable Just not quite as soon As they expected Minister under ﬁre for gay sex tourism Defends Polanski, Cavorts with rent boys Takes one to know one, I guess Pirates take on French navy Pirates Take on surrender monkey navy I’m surprised they lost Palin relative to pose nude for Playgirl Levi Johnston, you bad boy

Having trouble paying The bills lately? Nine quakes shake Vanuatu More earthquakes prove God has a serious Psychiatric disorder Saudi sex talker jailed and 1000 lashes Saudis - for sex talk, you ﬂog What would you make of Lisa Lewis’ blog? Ladyhawke sweeps music awards Not bad for a girl Who wears man’s clothes And when she bathes, nobody knows

The Execution By Art Focker

This week’s Execution is brought to you by the letter “P” and the number SAMURAI SWORD! At first it was rather dull. The financial report made it clear that the Union was not broke. With the end of the year coming in, it wouldn’t matter that much if it was, because they don’t really do that much between university years. An email was read out, from former WSU Director Jeff Hawkes, in which he voiced his concerns about the way in which the minutes from a previous meeting conveyed his own feelings, and said the minutes should be amended so as to be a fair and true representation of what happened. The directors voted not to amend the minutes, as they were accurate. Another piece of correspondence was brought forward which seemed to be a letter from a complete lunatic, the kind who watches Fringe and takes notes. In this letter (from Kerikeri, home of Nexus editor Josh Drummond), a deranged madman ranted that both bird-flu and swine-flu were created by dark pharmaceutical agencies and released onto the world so people would buy tonnes of their crappy little pills. He included a DVD, for those who didn’t want to read the fat stack of evidence he had prepared. This was roundly dismissed. The WSU election is going well, even though we know (almost) exactly who will get what seats due to the disappointingly low number of Board candidates in what has, traditionally, been a hard-fought campaign. Over a thousand votes have been cast in four days of polling, with 130 being cast in Tauranga, at the University of Waikato’s campus over there. An international student trip to Noho Marae was called off, due to low numbers of students being interested in it. Foreign students seem to becoming less interested in Maori culture, despite Barack Obama being president in the United States.

Speaking of Maori Culture, there is a show of some kind on next Wednesday night at the Concert hall. Not only is it free, but it also has people doing some kind of aerial acrobatics. They needed some money from the WSU and the WSU said yes. Nexus said yes to going to see this next Wednesday Yeah, so all in all, this week’s Execution is boring and NOTHING HAPPENED AT ALL. NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST. I lie………. IN WAIT! The most brutal issue raised during the Executive meeting was the smear campaign being run against Glen Delamere. Serious allegations have been made against Mr Delamere and have affected both him and his wife, along with their children. Mrs Delamere spoke at length about the effects this is going to have on their children, but said she was not here to defend anyone, because there is “nothing to defend.” The allegations made against Mr Delamere are to be found both online, in what appears to be a defamatory website and, until they were ripped down by fast-acting WSU staff, in a series of stomach-churning posters which were glued around the campus. A Waikato Times article was also discussed, in which Mr Hawkes seems to be throwing his toys in the most public arena he can find: a regional paper! In the article Hawkes indicated he was forced from the WSU after being bullied by Delamere. Sadly, the article failed to mention that Hawkes had been ordered to answer to the WSU Board at a Board meeting for formal complaints made against him of bullying and harassing several WSU Directors (pursuant to Section 16 of the WSU Constitution, which provides for the dismissal of a Director on grounds of misconduct.) Hawkes, rather than front the allegations, opted to resign. In closing, dear friends, keep your eyes peeled and your enemies closer. And don’t forget to change your underpants regularly, because you never know when you’re going to be hit by a bus and poo-poo yourself.

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Tessa Barlow Hey I heard Jem and Kaz are looking for a flatty for next year? Can you plz give me their number... I’d definitely b keen, their flat is mint. U got any major plans for the summer break? 2 hours ago – Comment – Rate

Scott Jacobs Sweet I’ve flicked you their number in private mail. Yeh man I want to go to most of the gigs, they look awesome. Bring it on!

GET IT OUT OF THE WAY

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Scott Jacobs Thanks every1 for ya bday wishes. Drinks at mine on Fri, get there!

BEFORE YOU

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SORT OUT

Simon Green yeah mate, that sounds wicked! sorry couldn’t really find much that isn’t fake and would be a good pressie haha. travels going well aye. in Beijing at the mo and gona head down the south of china soon and maybe Tibet...just gota sort it out.

YOUR pROFILE

3 hours ago – Comment – Rate RECENT ACTIVITY

Scott commented on Liz Mahoney’s photo album 3 more similar stories

Save time and get itlast all done onlineWhr did u guys Rachel Smith Woah MASSIVE night night. get to??? U wana catch www.studylink.govt.nz up at some point 2day and grab a feed. I’m super hungry. Heard Muzza had a 2 go 2 work, ouch! 4 hours ago – Comment – Rate

Justin Sayer Check ya then! 4 hours ago – Comment – Rate

Krystal Meegan Love it!

STY 0126

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS E WEEK TTS TER OF THBOOKSHOP! WAIKATO UNIVERSITY S LET M BENNE THE NEXU VOUCHER FRO SHOP! OK TY BOOK $20 BO UNIVERSI WAIKATO

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OP BOOKSH IVERSITY IKATO UN z WA WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP netts.co.n

ADDRESS Gate 5 Hillcrest ad Road Hillcrest Ro S Gate 5 ADDRES

u@ben EMAIL wk EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz

Letter of the Week Dear Josh and Art, I am writing on behalf of a ﬁrst year graphic design student who has no time to write himself. As I write, he is bent over his process book for CGRD142, a position he usually remains in for the majority of his days, with the pictures on the screen changing occasionally. Having experienced the phenomenon that is Graphic Design students ﬁrst hand since A Semester, I can only conclude that they are

well. The poor students are so alcohol deprived that they have had no chance to build up their drinking skills as any normal student would. This was demonstrated to me the one night they ever went out, and I offered my sober driving skills – only needed until midnight, by which time they got trashed off two shots each, vomited all over the doorstep, and had fallen unconscious in the front seat of my car. A healthy drinking life could have prevented this

grossly overworked – and definitely not lazy, as you stated in last week’s feature. On average, this design student spends 86 hours per week working on his various design assignments, the equivalent of two full time jobs – and that’s not even during the busy period at the end of semester. He gets four hours sleep per night (if he’s lucky), and as a consequence is almost constantly ill. He works through weekends, holidays, trips to the snow, and swine flu. I spend an average of three hours preparing my essays for my BA, usually finishing them the night before or the day they are due – a common practice of course. The design students idea of leaving it to the last minute is three weeks before the assignment is due. This is a travesty. Why should us with our easy courses come out of three years of Uni with the same level of qualification as those who have given up three years of their life to get theirs? The idea that they also spend their nights “attending every fluorescent- themed event they can get their hands on” is pretty stupid as

from happening . Their work is forcing them to miss out on key life skills, which will probably result in them dying from alcohol poisoning at a wedding/21st/other function with free alcohol. The fact that you couldn’t ﬁnd a graphic design student at midday on a Tuesday would have had a lot more to do with the fact that they get one hour off the whole day, and most prefer to spend it eating, not in the labs. Another possible explanation could be that in this modern day and age of technology and course related costs, they each have their own personal laptop that they can work on outside of class – a novel idea, I know. Getting drunk during the day is a thing of dreams. In conclusion, don’t diss designers just because they have no time to argue back. And listen to Leon, he speaks the truth. Yours sincerely BFA Student (that’s a Bachelor of Fuck All) that has time to write letters. P.S have any of you actually met Art? His babies would have a lot of facial hair... “

LAST CHANCE FOR LETTUCE! Hello, stud-ents. There’s only one more Nexus this year, so if you’ve been waiting to send us a letter but haven’t, make sure you get it in by Wednesday at 5 PM next week! Buy!

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

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Send letters to editor@nexusmag.co.nz Letter of the Week wins a $20 Bennett’s voucher! Letters may also be sent via the letters thread at forums.nexusmag.co.nz. We sometimes get too many letters to publish these days – but don’t stop sending them! Letters that don’t make it into the mag can be viewed in the forum as well.

Txts to the Editor! Nexus now has a non-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Busted-type situations to 021 235 8436. Letters policy: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to editor@ nexusmag.co.nz

WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP

EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz 15

“Platitudinous submission”

The world plummets into an abyss of despair

Dear Nexus,

point out his intolerance of people who were intolerant,

I was browsing through the Lettuce section last week

how hilariously ironic, but I digress.

Dear Nexus,

(issue #23) and I thoroughly enjoyed the Letter of the

My inquisitiveness, which has lead me to write this

I think, as this year draws to a close, there are a few

Week (from now on “LotW”). It seems like there is a

letter, was not sparked by his platitudinous submission

observations I’d like to make. University has changed

voice of reason somewhere within the student body.

but by Nexus’ handling of the LotW prize. There

so dramatically over the years, and unfortunately,

Sure, Angry Girl provided fallacious arguments to

appears to be an incongruity in the motive bestowing

not for the best. How is it that so much of it is

support what she was trying to say but, at the core, she

this prestigious accolade; assuming it is awarded for

degenerating simultaneously? Student numbers

had the right idea.

content alone. Could you please explain?

have swelled, yet an awfully large percentage really

However, I’ve noticed in a previous issue (issue

I thought you had turned a leaf after reading the

shouldn’t be pursuing academic qualiﬁcations

#22) you awarded LotW to Whimsical Insolence. His

“Nexus Goes to Church” article; I understand you don’t

– number changes between ﬁrst and third year are

contribution had to be as close to the anti-thesis

write the content presented in Lettuce but, please,

just devastating, and I can’t but get the feeling that

of Angry Girl’s reasoning as you could probably

don’t feed the trolls by giving them vouchers.

it is not worth the money for the university to take on

get without directly rebuking her. Again fallacious

To AlleNaTor (issue #23), by hand waving you show you

just anyone. Some might call it elitist, but I think it is

arguments were throughout his letter; most coming

have no weapons in your hand, showing friendliness,

sensible use of resources. Why waste money, staff

from his ignorance of religious beliefs, making rash

and can gain someone’s attention by being visually

and students’ time just to give so many people the

generalisations, and using derogatory language. May I

obvious.

revelation that they don’t have the mental grit to be

Craig Shepherd

at university? What ever happened to admission by merit? We’re not talking about high school here, we’re talking about specialised academic training! On top of that, the funding, numbers and facilities are slowly

Damn dirty racists!!!??? In the past few weeks I’ve noticed how much Waikato Uni students have become a bunch of haters when it comes to cultures especially regarding those who they only know about through hyped up media. From the txt you guys published from that ignorant dick about how he’s scared about Muslims doing chemistry and what’s with them Bombing and pouring acid on faces to the rudeness of Momento at the celebration of Ramandan when they were blasting their music turn , Unlike the times when there’s a WSU event happening, the music is turned down. It’s just downright fucking rude!!!! Let’s be honest everyone makes a racist joke here and there, but to the extent that I’ve witnessed in the past few weeks is shocking!!Just because you see a women covered head to toe doesn’t mean she’s

being siphoned into the most useless qualiﬁcation

been burnt by her husband! What you see in media is the extreme practise of expression, aka terrorism. Doesn’t mean every single Muslim is carrying a bomb in their backpack. If all Muslims are evil, does that mean that I should be scared if I get a dark tan because all Americans are part of the KKK and they’ll hang me for the colour of my skin??? Sounds ridiculous but that’s what the vast majority are acting! I thought University was about intellectual unity and the purpose of greater Knowledge? Really not seeing it right now!! P.S Next time you want to add a racist txt or letter, think about the students your discriminating and how much of a douche bag you come out looking!! Cheers Enisa Kartal

Hahaha no. Hi nexus. cn u reprnt t baby jokes? i misd them n wana

of all – management! Gone are the days where you would a take a paper or two in managing people and materials; no, now you can do an entire degree in it whilst picking up no actual industry skills. What is wrong with that, you might ask? It helps fuel the exact sort of thinking that is permeating our university administration – running the university for profit, not for education. What possible logic could there be behind downsizing the Arts so many times? Scrapping Spanish? The Arts have never made a profit, but that is not their purpose. We study IT, Engineering, Law, etc to earn. We study the Arts to live. What would life be like with no painting, no sculpture, no film, no literature? It’d be the fucking management school – that’s what! Melancholically yours, Dr. Aardvarkian P.S – No offense to anyone who actually enjoys management. There’s no accounting for taste. The Garfield comic was a repeat. It wasnt funny the second time either.

know wot ur talkn abt.

WOW refers to World of Warcraft, I’m guessing

The Listener?

I wil no longer b bound by uni staf rulz nxt yr corz I

Sarcasm? If not, thanks!

Im gna miss nexus over the holidays. :) what am I gona

wil raging as a fulltime mngmnt student. Bring on the

Hey josh Drummond, thought i’d say i like reading your

read monday mornings?

books, COFFEE, and redundanceez. WOW

it up.

Hahaha no

Adam

Give us the answers to the word things on the puzzle page oi!

You might want to look into joining the beauty industry

editorial. You do a good job with this magazine. Keep

Flattery will get you everywhere. In this case, it has earned you Gravity coffee. Manifest your presence in the Nexus ofﬁce to claim it.

I can has sense of humour?

Im in my stats lec rite nw and its b0ooring lyk a cheap ho0ker! Ima stat up a petiti0n 2 hv dis sh*t banned! Wh0z wid me? =D

Vampire Party

Contact FM:

Reflections Rosalind Case

Much like a zombie or Jesus Christ at some undisclosed point in the future, Contact (88.1) FM has risen noisily from the grave to become a full-fledged student radio station once again, broadcasting on the Waikato University campus and immediate environs. Some of the people involved with the station both in its heyday and modern resurrection remember then and now…

There are many examples of poor timing in my life, but one of the most obvious ones that I can recall is my arrival on the student radio scene, just as it died. Contact 89FM had been sold by the WSU, ceased to broadcast on 17 June 1998 and overnight turned into UFM. The ‘U’ was supposedly meant to refer to the radio station’s (rather tenuous) relationship with the university. But plenty of people thought it was a ‘U’ as in ‘You’ - the radio station that was all about the individual. This was ironically appropriate, given the right-wing politics which underpinned the voluntary student unionism movement that had in turn annihilated the student union and discarded its cultural assets. What I found at UFM was a pack of misfits who loved to drink, dance, make music and make dicks of themselves. I fitted right in and in spite of the debauchery of those years, I made friends who are still very important to me today. UFM rode along on Contact’s coat-tails for a little while, stealing much of their audience and continuing many of Contact’s infamous events and promotions (such as the Battle of the Bands). And many of the staff had followed too. However, there was a new commercial imperative at UFM and it soon became apparent that this was not Contact Version 2.0. Contact 89FM had a massive staff of volunteers and a music playlist which was simultaneously progressive and retroflective. It operated not just as the cultural hub of the university, and

much of Hamilton’s music and arts scenes, but also as a training ground for students. Here you learnt how to programme, edit, operate a sound desk, speak into a microphone, drink copious amounts of alcohol, talk to members of the opposite sex and (sometimes, hopefully) sleep with them. While those things could also be learnt at UFM, the music was heavily restricted and the majority of volunteers were told to bugger off back to wherever it was that they’d come from. The ethos at UFM was quite different, perhaps because it reﬂected a capitalist ideology which conﬂicted with, and was totally opposed to, the somewhat anarchic nature of student radio. UFM’s management desperately wanted to leave the university behind, but their reliance on the 89FM frequency (owned by the WSU and very begrudgingly leased by later executives) would not allow this. UFM was stuck between a rock and an edge - it could not shake its history as an ‘alternative’, student radio station and gain an audience large enough to attract advertisers. But it wasn’t alternative, or student radio enough to be relevant to the musicians, actors, artists and patrons to whom Contact had been so important. UFM lost sight of where it was going, and eventually stopped going anywhere at all. I left in 2001, relieved to be out of what was an increasingly depressing place. In mid-2004, I got a phone call asking if I would help train volunteers at the new Contact FM. The Independent Broadcasting Community had begun broadcasting in 2003, but now it

was time to put some people on-air. To say I was reluctant is a complete understatement. I wanted nothing to do with the place. But I’ve never been very good at saying “no”, so I said “yes”. Once again, I was thrown into an ‘organisation’ (and I use that term rather lightly) which was packed to the gunnels with interesting people. People who liked music, who were concerned about politics, and who really appreciated beer. Any kind of beer. I formed some more very important friendships and together we tried to re-build some of the cultural aspects of university life which had been missing since 1998. It’s hard to put a finger on what those aspects are (they involve music and beer, again) but I think they mostly have something to do with injecting life into the University of Waikato campus. Student radio, as an occupation, hobby, or as something to listen to, does not appeal to all people. Which is an important part of it too. It’s supposed to fill a void - one which can’t be filled by The Edge, The Breeze, Coca Cola, McDonalds, John Key, and lots of other things which appeal to the majority. If it was for everybody, then there wouldn’t be a point. It seems that some of the most valuable aspects of culture begin (and sometimes) remain on the fringe. And the people who value student radio, value that culture. The ideology which dictated in 1998 that if Contact 89FM could not turn a profit, and be ‘efficient’, then it had no value, is not one that I agree with.

I think there is value in intangibles, there is value in relationships, there is value in training opportunities and there is value in the arts. Mostly, I think there is value in fun. Lots of things in life are not fun. We should try to make fun whenever and wherever we can. We can try to put a price on these things, but that doesn’t capture their importance. Today, Contact 88.1FM is an independent charitable trust which can not be bought and sold by the WSU. It continues to put on great gigs, support great causes, and make its presence felt on campus. It provides students with access to experiences which simply can not be had anywhere else and has contributed to a revitalisation of campus cultural life. And if there is any hope that the WSU will take the opportunity to retrieve the much stronger 89FM frequency (which will likely arise in 2010) then I would hope they will consider the value - tangible and intangible - that an institution like Contact has to the students and wider community in this lovely, little university town. Rosalind Case Former Chairperson - Independent Broadcasting Community Former Editor - Nexus Former Announcer - Contact 88.1FM, UFM Former Girlfriend of Several Drummers

Phil Grey, volunteer DJ ’87 - 92 I’d popped into The Cowshed studio during a high school visit, so when I started off at

Waikato I was back there within days. The station, according to my hazy recollections, was transitioning from being Radio Contact 1440 1XC AM to Contact 89FM, and a year later adopted the tag “You’re a Wild Kind of Station”. The reins had just been handed from the stillpassionate non-commercial radio enthusiast Max Christoffersen to Glenn Cooper. The studio layout changed around then too, from a small and smoky booth facing towards Student Village [see pic] within the larger office space, to a more open plan design with the desk facing the other way [this layout can be seen in one of my YouTube clips filmed c. ’90] My first on-air stint was an all-nighter, straight after the Axe Attack hosted by long-time local metaller Paul Martin. As a 17yo newbie, it was pretty scary going to air, especially in the dope smoke haze, scattered Jack Daniels empties and leopard-print hangers-on that was the Axe Attack. It’s hard now to explain just how essential Contact [actually, “college radio” around the world] was in those days. This was the vinyl era [with ad/ID spots played from cassette I recall, then carts]; no CDs. Each on-air stint began with a few minutes pulling out a stack of vinyl from the collection. Every day you’d hear 33s played on 45 or vice versa. Every day there’d be needles stuck in grooves. Every day there’d be dead air – but that was part of the charm I suppose. NZ student radio [and the wider context of the powerful US college radio scene] really was 19

an important thing, then. Remember – there was no internet; no MySpace, no YouTube, no iTunes. Discovering new music, particularly socalled “alternative” music wasn’t easy. We were really only just out of the punk fanzine sort of era. Discovering the tremendously rich underground meant knowing the right people, being at the right parties, and that rare chance to flick through someone’s LP collection and if trusted to make a cassette copy. Only college radio played this stuff – Flying Nun, Xpressway records, Sub-Pop, even the core of this 80/90’s alt-rocker’s canon – Love, the Velvets, Beefheart, Stooges, 13th Floor Elevators et al. I’m a little embarrassed to recall my distaste at the first infiltration of hip hop. I drew the short straw and had to play De La Soul’s 3 Foot High and Rising in its entirety [for the Feature Album show]. Of course now I can appreciate it as a classic and own it myself, but then it was simply not ok – the rapping! The fluoro colours! Funny, I wasn’t so worried when the first Beastie Boys album was playlisted…. Contact FM was a band of fiercely dedicated and protective people. An exclusive club? Yes. Elitist and snobby? Sure, that too. But where else could you be directly involved in something so cool? The media was a different world – there was no music TV [except Ready to Roll and Radio with Pictures], and the musical world seemed to be polarised – mainstream and “alternative” were poles apart unlike now. It was Contact or mainstream radio. Then, like now, the mainstream stations were intolerable for a music enthusiast. And while there are now 17 FM stations in Hamilton in the middle to late ‘80s there was just Kiwi FM and Contact FM. Like many I drifted away from Contact during the 90s and the UFM days. My tastes have changed, every few years a younger guard takes over – exactly as it should be. But it’s cool that 20

Contact survives, and I wish everyone involved the best of luck !

Dean Ballinger I think it’s pretty much unarguable that Contact 89FM has been integral to the development of Hamilton culture away from the ‘farmer/munter’ mentality that forms the prevalent conception of local cultural life. Although situated on the University of Waikato campus and run largely by student volunteers, Contact was never an exclusively ‘student’ medium, but rather a local variant of modern Western ‘alternative culture’ in general, reﬂected in the wide range of music and the ‘amateur’ status of the announcers and organisational staff. Alongside the expected American and British sounds, Contact was pivotal in supporting the ‘alternative’ music culture of New Zealand in general and Hamilton in particular. Not only did the station play such music en masse, it also helped national and local bands through the likes of the staging and promotion of gigs (the tradition of the drunken ‘pre-show interview’ on a Friday or Saturday afternoon), the organization of O-week performances (a crucial lifeline for many ‘indie’ groups wanting to make a record or feed their drug habits), and the recording and production of various types of musical documents from live- to- airs to local CD compilations (the likes of Discordia Concors, The Fridge and Green Eggs And Hamilton being staples of any H-Town record collection). The networks of artists, audiences and venues that were nurtured through such activities had a cross-over effect on many other spheres of Hamilton culture as well, such as fringe festivals, ﬁlm festivals, plays, art exhibitions and political protests. The ‘cultural revolution’ of the ‘neo-liberal’ student exec in the late 90s led to the commercialisation of

Contact in the form of Ufm and the unravelling of the cultural ecology based around it. Where

disappeared, so in order to continue the show, I was obliged to borrow records from the Public

conservative, but deeply eccentric Grant Mitchell.

Jim Fulton , conducting 2 hours of farcical music-based bogus scientiﬁc investigation

once one could tune in and hear a noise epic recorded by stoned college kids in a Fairﬁeld garage, one now got the celebrity whining of Eminem; where ﬁrst years could partake of a Saturday night entertainment listening to the likes of the Straitjacket Fits at the Wailing Bongo, they were now resigned to contracting chlamydia at the Outback to the strains of ‘Hotel California’. Much thanks to those many and various H-Towners who have spent the last few years resurrecting Contact, pretty much from scratch.

Library. The town Library, then, as now, didn’t stock the sort of music I particularly wanted to listen to, so I hit upon the stratagem of selecting the 6 records (that’s all you were allowed out at once) I least wanted to hear, and built the shows around them. As you can imagine, this produced a most extraordinarily eclectic and bizarre show, guaranteed to tax the patience of most conventional listeners, which I further augmented with oddball regular features such as “Echoes From The Olde Time” – where I’d pretend to be a sleepy octogenarian, whilst showcasing 78 rpm gramophone records from the pre-1950’s era, (much like Peter Fry on National Radio, these days). I’d also read, in serialized form, the absurd, humorous, (but utterly, indecipherably, convoluted) 1920’s novel “Kai Lung Unrolls His Mat” (recently reviewed, Sept 19, 2009, in the Waikato Times). Only one listener, that I’m aware of, managed to follow the entire story. Shortly afterwards, she co-founded the McGillicuddy Serious Party with me. I didn’t have my own theme music at that stage, but I would invariably end the show, (oh, by the way, did I mention: It was a late night show), by getting quieter, and progressively softer, over the course of several minutes, lulling the listeners into a soporiﬁc state, whereupon I would play, Nick Cave’s band: Birthday Party’s horrendously jarring and creepy song “Deep In The Woods”, at full volume. I don’t clearly recall whether that show actually ended, or just plateaued, and hence lost my interest. Either way, everything moved up several notches with the arrival of my ﬁrst co-host, and programmer – the outwardly

Under his guidance the two-hour slot morphed into “The Tomorrow Night Show” (a piss-take of Wayne Mowat’s “Tonight Show”, which was, at the time, on the old commercial radio network), complete with it’s own theme music – a culturally-insensitive mixture of old Folkways recordings of the Pygmies of the Ituri Forest, and field-recordings I’d made of the percussionists from a visiting Christchurchbased stilt troupe, with a voice-over ostensibly pitched at cavemen, relaxing after a hard day’s muntish brutality. Most of our shows took on grand themes: “Hitler – Man, Myth or Guitar-Hero?”, where we played all the songs we could find that had any tenuous connection to the Third Reich (most of theme in extremely bad taste eg. “Hey Juden” by the Beatles), punctuated by Grant reading from his ingeniously-written scripts. Similarly, one week we held a mock “Radiothon” for two hours, endeavouring to raise enough money to pay off NZ’s massive overseas debt. Nexus often gave us free advertising, which worked really well, as our show was on the evening after the paper came out. Radiothon had the entire front page, and, I think, even a lift-out donations form. That show came to an abrupt end with the departure of Grant Mitchell for Wigglington, to train in international espionage, and I guessed that that was the end of my short-lived broadcasting career. Wrong. Ten or so years later, station manager Adam Hyde decided that the new Contact FM needed some kind of kooky, anarchic show to link it back to its chaotic AM predecessor. Enter the “Utility Muffin Research Laboratory Show” – myself, and the endlessly creative

into ridiculous and droll subjects such as “The Devil’s Music” – where, among other things, we played a death metal song backwards, discovering that it contained the unmistakable sound of the bagpipes,(or was it the piano accordion ? ). Curiously, when we played the Mormon Tabernacle Choir backwards, we got the same ominous result. “Hurtin’ Tunes” contained much speculation as to why it was that rural dwellers, particularly those in the west of most countries, were more susceptible to heartache, and romantic disappointment than the rest of the population. Using specially-calibrated equipment, we also managed to calculate the breaking strain of the human heart. We conducted our very first forays into the controversial field of Vegisection, live on air, to a horrified audience, and had to fake an attack on the studio by the Vegetable Liberation Front, to prevent the Station from being reported to the S.P.C.V. But our findings are now part of mainstream science: namely that vegetables not only register pain, when chopped, diced or grated, but have measurable empathetic responses when other vegetables in their vicinity are under threat or in pain. Actually, it’s slightly more complicated than that: The pain and suffering of the humble household marrow, is not recognized by any other vegetable, apart from the choko. Don’t ask me why And further, that vegetables are capable of a whole gamut of other emotions, as well, including: pleasure, excitement, lust, disgust, and even hatred. Strange but true, and remember folks, you heard it first on Radio Contact! Graeme Cairns, Laird McGillicuddy of Whamilton

Dean Ballinger, Contact/Ufm announcer 19952001: 2007-2009.

Graeme Cairns I don’t really know how it was that I became a Radio Contact d.j.. I certainly had no training, and no background involvement, or even interest in broadcasting. I did a bit of guest interviewing one summer in the mid ‘80’s, as a favour to the then Station Manager, David Fiest, who’d run out of volunteers. Some months later, to my horror, I discovered that I’d been allocated my own two-hour show. Feeling woefully underprepared, I gathered up my favourite records, and borrowed the cream of three other people’s collections, and set off to the Cowshed for my ﬁrst show. The show, itself, went surprisingly well, as I recall, but moments afterwards, whilst I was in the Nexus ofﬁce, some dirty rotten sneak ran off with all the records, many of which, unfortunately, were irreplaceable. Apart from the huge expense, and the terrible loss of face, this proved to be a blessing in disguise, for in a single blow, all convenient access to my preferred styles of music

“There Be No Shelter Here How to be a spastic in Hamilton City” My name is Art and I write Agony Art, the Execution, book reviews and movie reviews. I have mental illnesses and probably will continue having them until I die. Here’s an approximation of what it’s like to have mental illnesses. Come and sit down and follow my journey through the tragedy of mental illness. And no, I won’t be making dick and fart jokes. I really don’t like those adverts on TV where anyone with a mental illness seems to have thousands of friends ready to support them through thick and thin, go surfing with them, fix their cars and so on and so forth. I just can’t see how they are believable. For every friend you see on the commercial, there are inevitably a hundred people who are mocking that nice man, fearing him, verbally abusing him both to his face and behind his back. New Zealand is a rugby country, where sporting captains lead us to victory with exploded testicles or died fighting Amazon River pirates. Weakness is not welcomed on our isles, especially not weaknesses which are entirely in your head. As a mental health patient, I know what it’s actually like, on the frontlines of depression and anxiety. Believe me when I say it’s not the bed of roses and friendship that the television makes it out to be. It is, like most other illnesses, something which can only be experienced alone. No one can feel your pain or alleviate it by taking some of it on themselves. It is inside your head, it is isolation on an

extreme level. Even if you go surﬁng with your

have a beer. Anything to get away from nurses

night I had full surround sound, with an elderly

mates, your still thinking things over in your head, you still ‘know’ that your life sucks and that you have failed at everything you have ever wanted. For years I was medicated with Fluoxitene, which is somehow related to Prozac. High school was tough for a lot of people and several of my friends were also medicated. We never talked about it, being scared, depressed teenagers who listened to Tool (or Pennywise, in my case) and thought we were tough. We would go skateboarding, whether we felt up to it or not. Eventually, at various times, we all stopped using our medication. We had gotten girlfriends, lost our virginity and left the feeding frenzy of high school for bigger and better things. A few years after that, over a summer break, I found some of my old medication. Unfortunately, it coincided with my parents separating, my job sucking and the revelation that I may not be able to attend university after the holiday due to poor performance. I swallowed as much of my medication as possible and lay down. The next thing I remember, I was in an ambulance, then in an emergency room, then in a small room with a Polish psychiatrist. It sounds like a joke, where the punch line read “clearly I can see your nuts”, but I can assure you that it is far from funny. The Polish chap asked me if I wanted to kill myself anymore. “No, I feel ﬁne”, I lied. I really just wanted to go home and see my friends, maybe smoke some cigarettes and

who made sure I didn’t fall asleep and Polish doctors who studied my face every time I spoke, like I was some kind of fucking painting. A few carefree (but medicated) years later, after a night of hard drinking, I ate more than forty pills. I’m not entirely sure what their names are, so I’ll just try to get as close as I can: Quietapine, Citroplam and Zopiclone. I climbed into bed, next to my girlfriend and went to sleep. She shook me awake a few hours later, having found those empty pill cards which I had failed to hide and I was taken to the hospital. This time, no matter how much I lied, they wouldn’t let me out. I was institutionalised, for a grand total of two weeks, with time off for good behaviour. It was nice, in the Henry Bennett centre. All the other freaks and depressives were very polite, sharing their cigarettes, letting others decide the channels they watched and pissing their pants only on seats you weren’t close to. At night they would go to their own rooms before screaming at the moon or throwing themselves at the walls, in order to not disturb the other patients. The nurses were also nice, speaking in the voice normally reserved for brain-damaged puppies and three legged kittens. That’s what we were, in the low security ward I was in: damaged, helpless animals. My room was big by ﬂatting standards, with a great view of a small stretch of grass and the shirtless Maori chap who mumble-screamed half remembered folk songs from his iwi. At

lady moaning out her window. “Ashes to ashes and dust to dust!”, she would scream and groan. She used a voice not dissimilar to that used by Reagan in The Exorcist, but without the “Your mother sucks cocks in Hell!” line. Friends would come and see me, but inevitably grow bored, or so it seemed. They helped me plan my fantasy break outs, like I was in a WW2 movie. I was Steve Motherfucking McQueen and the nurses were all Nazi demon-whores, waiting until I was asleep so they could harvest my superior Jewish semen for their filthy Nazi experiments. I even walked one of my friends around the perimeter of the grounds, showing him where the fence was weak, where the guards wouldn’t look at particular times and all the bits and pieces. They smuggled me cigarettes and shivs. Well, not shivs, but definitely cigarettes. In Henry Bennett, all you can do is wait for the day to end. When you have no idea how long you’ll be inside for, there ceases to be a point to tomorrow, or the day after that. My amazing girlfriend, soon to be my wife, would ring me or I’d ring her. She brought me books; an iPod loaded with my favourite stuff and cigarettes, bananas and so on. The fact she stayed with me, when (had the situation been reversed) I may have run, is proof that perhaps those adverts aren’t so untrue. The fact that around this time a so-called ‘friend’ called me a faggot for not succeeding in killing myself gives me justification for my

opinion at the start of this article. This so called friend then went on to explain how he would go about killing himself. Like I say. The ads don’t talk about this sort of thing. I really hope people aren’t put off from getting help for their mental illness. A lot of history’s great minds have been lost to mental illness, through suicide for the most part. Kurt Cobain decided life was so grim that the only way to brighten it up was to spray his brains all over the place with a shotgun. Heath Ledger supposedly didn’t kill himself, but I would probably disagree. Winston Churchill, the man who led us to victory over the afore-mentioned Nazis, had to ﬁght with his ‘black dog’ of depression for most of his adult life. Winston didn’t kill himself. The world is better because he didn’t. Maybe you’ll be the next Winston Churchill, maybe you’ll be Earnest Hemingway or Cobain. Go and get help. You may never need to step foot inside a mental health facility, or perhaps you’ll only survive if you do. You’re probably not going to have a huge network of friends to support you. If you’re lucky, you’ll have someone who loves you and a few close friends. You’re probably not going to be welcomed as a new and unusual member of society. But I’d rather be a pill-popping outcast then some demon’s rape-toy in Hell any day of the week.

Lots of love Art

Pres Sez By WSU President Ben Delaney Last week of lectures……………………so go nuts (oh, and thanks) The 2009 academic year is drawing to a close for most of you. With only a few assignments

opportunity to thank the Board of Directors both past and present for the work that they have

and mostly exams left (or for some, the prospect of ongoing thesis work) now is not the time for reflection but preparation for what is to follow. It is important for those of you who are sitting end of year assessment to do well. In this endeavor your WSU encourages you through the tough times ahead and hope to see those who are returning next year. For those of you who have finished your qualifications we hoped you have had fun or at least an experience able to be shared with your peers and those to come after you.

done. The road that we travel is often not an easy one and a road that you tend to be ﬁxing as you travel along it; however the main thing is that for students as an organisation you are moving forward. A big mihi goes out to the staff who have worked tirelessly to fulﬁll the high expectations set. As a crew we have pulled off a number of key events and projects that will be a foundation for the future of the organisation. I also acknowledge the role external players have had in supporting the president’s position. To the many Uni staff I interact within the University thank you all for your support and acknowledge and congratulate you on the sincerity and integrity you bring towards respecting the student viewpoint. Although at this stage I am open to anything the world is offering (including job offers) I am sincerely grateful for the opportunity the student body has given me as your president for 2009. Naku na Prez Luv you mutz :)

Congratulations to all of you who have been elected for 2010. Although the job is not an easy one the rewards of helping the student body surely do make up for it. 2009 has been a year full of memories I will remember my time as your president fondly, with the chance to interact with various students from different parts of Uni and disciplines being a highlight. I take the

In this endeavor your WSU encourages you through the tough times ahead and hope to see those who are returning next year. For those of you who have ﬁnished your qualiﬁcations we hoped you have had fun

Huge end of semester deals! Fiesta Cask

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only available at: LIQUOR KING HILLCREST Cnr Clyde & York Sts, Hamilton. Mon – Wed open till 9pm, Thurs till 10pm & Fri – Sat until 11pm Valid until 18th Oct 2009. While stocks last. We reserve the right to limit quantities. Trade not supplied. All major credit cards accepted. Excludes all other promotions & discounts.

WSU Guide for things to do until 2010 O-week Get a Job with Student Job Search As an option this one is right up there - jobs will be difficult to come by this summer So it’s important to get in early, be registered and be flexible to work – having a job over summer will give more dollars for summer activities. Jill and her team here on our Hamilton campus are nice and friendly so don’t be afraid to say hi. Also over summer there will be an outreach in Tauranga for those who study there or who are indeed returning from study home Check it out. Enrol for 2010 and also: Studylink! Enrolment deadlines will be strictly enforced this year, due to restricted government funding and oversubscription. So make sure you get your enrolment in on time. Also, word on the street is to do your studylink applications early. The studylink team have made the online tool a lot better for you to do this – it’s at www.studylink.govt.nz

Summer School This is an option for those who want to progress through the system a bit faster. Summer school can help you get a jump start on next year. It is also (secretly) a place to hide, after your New Year’s binge that wiped out your bank account. Go to yet another Music Festival Those who are on to it would have purchased tickets to the selected concerts, festivals for summer already. If you haven’t then we suggest you do so. As there are so many out there you should think carefully which ones you will go to; remember it’s not just the price of the ticket. Often there are costs of transport, accommodation, food and liquid refreshments – plan for this and you will be sweet, don’t and I will see you tickets on trade me. WSU reception is home to the only Ticketmaster in the Waikato so come up and see us if you want to know what’s going on around the country. Do some charity work Although this won’t reward you with wads of cash, this option will help people in the community and give you a sense of pride. Definitely a must. Propose to a total stranger OK, a little risky and a 90 percent fail rate but for those lucky 10 percent you get to pay for the wedding, the food supply, the grog and watch your family choose sides over your decision just as you’re about to announce to them it’s a shotgun wedding. Awesome. Be yet another annoying friend who ruins New Years Actually, don’t be this dick. You know the one we’re talking about: the wasted too soon, can’t stand up or speak, the one that goes missing, or is locked up (NY Countdown in the cells is never attractive when all you have to kiss are the same sex and you’re not that way inclined). Nope, the moral of this story is go out with your mates, have a great time, but never be the idiot who ruins it all. Play hard, but be safe. Road Trip An epic way to checkout this fine country of ours whilst hanging with your mates. However, make sure that you’re all up front on how much each person has to spend so that your roadie can be planned to budget and no one is embarrassed mid-way through. Have fun, Stay Safe, and take the Waikato experience to the world Love, the WSU

Māori Students’ Advisory Group The next and ﬁnal hui for this group is on Tuesday 20th Oct 2009 in Guru Phabians – Student Union Building. The purpose is to establish a Māori student rōpū on campus. Items for the agenda include: • Kai – Pizza/KFC? • Establishing a constitution, • List of jobs, • Setting a timeline, • Name and logo competition.

WSU Clubs Report The WSU Clubs network has been revamped in 2009. We now have a full time Clubs coordinator, a large club administration area and we have almost doubled the amount of grants allocated to clubs in comparison to 2008. During 2009 20 new clubs have been formed, and there are now over 3000 students involved in more than 40 WSU Clubs. The WSU has supported clubs in various ways this year, including: general administration to assist with important club events; through our grants process and through practical assistance. We have enabled the Solomon Island Society and the Red Tie Club to celebrate, China’s 60th National Day Celebrations and the Solomon Islands 31st Independence Day. The Cook Island Students Assn hosted their national conference on campus, and we have enabled Te Whakahiapo, the Tongan Students Assn, and the Fijian Students Assn to attend their National sports/conferences throughout New Zealand. The WSU has established key relationships for clubs throughout the university and with Uleisure this increases the support that we are able to offer clubs. We have streamlined our application processes for both affiliation and grants. This has made it easier for clubs to receive the benefits offered by affiliation, and has doubled the number of clubs receiving grants. Throughout the year we have had valuable input from the club network into our strategic plan,

club members have volunteered at Tertiary Challenge and Club members attending the combined AGM/SGM meant that the WSU could conduct its core business. This year the WSU has created the annual WSU Club Awards ceremony, celebrating the great work that clubs and club committees do to enhance students’ time at Waikato. There were over 40 nominations for the 10 categories awarded. Wendy Jackson won the ‘Service to Clubs by a University Staff Member’ category for her support of the UOW Chemistry Social Club and the UOW Alpine club was awarded Overall Club of the Year. Pride Week and Culture Day were two very different events that were both very successful this year. Without the clubs extraordinary contribution to these events they simply would not be possible. Overall this year has been an exciting one for all aspects of the WSU clubs network. The increase in staff hours and the policy and process reviews have made it possible for us to increase our services, events, and resources for clubs, to beneﬁt all students on campus. I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of the people who are involved with clubs at all levels, from member to administrators and all the people who support student fun and activity in its various forms. Next year is looking just as exciting with many clubs holding activities over the holidays as well.

Purchase any beer all next week and go in the draw to Win a Burton Snowboard! Drawn 6pm on Friday – you must be there to collect if you win

We will also have live entertainment and drink specials 28

The Nexus Noticeboard Send notices to notices@nexusmag.co.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. Placing notices is free for students. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Notices cannot be any more than 75 words unless you ask us specifically and we say yes. They will roll over every two weeks, unless specified – so please, tell us how long you want us to run your notice for. We will not accept handwritten or otherwise non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta.

Flats and Mates Flatmate needed for sunny 6 bedroom, 3 bathroom house in sherwood park. 4 existing flatmates, all female uni students aged 19 - 21. Mean cool double room with built in wardrobe. Double garage available, heaps of off street parking. $116.50 per week including internet, phone, gas, power and flat essentials. $620 bond. Call or text 027 3635526 or 021 2079894 .

party house!! 0277241918 or slk14@students. waikato.ac.nz 1 large bedroom available to live with 2 existing girls (fairly easily going) from the 8th Nov, by 5 cross-roads. Rent is $109pw, includes power, rent, wireless internet, we do our own food. Looking for a male or female who is clean, tidy, and reliable with rent, someone easy to get along with. Fully furnished flat but you will need to deck out you own bedroom. text or call Jodie on 0273162476

3 rooms available between now and early December, to live with 2 remaining male students. • 2 rooms separate from the house; 1 room inside. • Right next to the university and very close to the Warehouse. • Rent is $103 per week, which covers everything except food (covers power, internet, phone and home basics); $83 during December and January. Contact Lucy on 0277849379. WANTED FLATMATE!!!!!! Room available in a 4 bedroom house with 3 other flatmates. Ham East area, close to Uni, Town and Ham East shops. 92.50 per wk, really good size room, wireless broadband is set up, heatpump and awesome friendly, laidback flatmates!! Call or Text 027 727 9156 or email rll9@ waikato.ac.nz Flat available on Ford St! 5+ bedrooms, 2 bathroom, $95 p/w 5min to uni, 2min to warehouse and shops, $10 taxi to town Alarm system, fireplace, sunny and sheltered front deck BIG house, large living spaces, 1 bedroom has ensuite Brand new washing machine incl., double garage Heaps of space for carparks, MASSIVE backyard Mean

Editor – Full time. A word-smith who as well as writing their own material and checking everyone else’s, can coordinate and motivate a rag-tag bunch of volunteer writers and contributors to make up a student magazine each week. News/Editors Assistant – Part-time. A jack of all trades who can sniff out news stories around campus and issues of interest to students, and help with the myriad of odd jobs needed to get Nexus produced each week.

Room available in a 4 bedroom house with 3 other flatmates. Ham East area, close to Uni, Town and Ham East shops. 92.50 per wk, really good size room, wireless broadband is set up, heatpump and awesome friendly,

Marketing/Advertising assistant – Part time. Someone to get amongst our advertisers and sponsors to get precious revenue to support our publications and activities.

laidback flatmates!! Call or Text 027 727 9156 or email rll9@waikato.ac.nz

Random Wanted: Experienced Mandarin tutor or Chinese student wanting language swap with a Kiwi student to meet up once or twice a week. Email Scott at swhitaker_6@hotmail.com or text on 0273094445. Voices Wanted: Do you have a British home counties or American accent? Then we may want to record your voice for an English language project. It’s lots of fun, and if selected, you’ll have the opportunity to earn some cash. Sound like you? Call Debbie now on 021 525 433 AIESEC will be holding an Innovative & creative thinking workshop at the 7th of October in MSB.1.01 from 6:00 - 8:00 PM. Food and drinks will be provided.

Activities Assistant – Part time. Someone to assist our Events Manager in all aspects of organising and facilitating the various and diverse WSU activities held around campus. Some heavy lifting involved. Reception – Part-time. To relieve on reception and undertake a variety of administration duties. Advocate – Part-time. An understanding attitude and a willingness to go the extra mile to help our members with the many problems they come to us with. Job descriptions available from David West Manager wsu@wsu.org.nz Expressions of interest by Friday 23rd October 2009.

BOGANOLOGY 101 So long, and thanks for all the fish

AGONY ART by Art

BY BURTON C BOGAN

To all my childrens, whom I love like a busty milf loves a black handyman:

So this is it. I’m staring at a screen trying to work out how to say goodbye to a column that’s been a part of my University experience for ages. The very first Boganology was in 2005 and was boring; it used the usual columnist cop out of using a dictionary definition and then discussing it. Since then I’ve been divulging all sorts of things about myself that normally I wouldn’t talk about but in the confines of Microsoft Word I seem at liberty to divulge without even thinking about it – relationship stuff, music I like to have sex to and an unhealthy infatuation with ACDC. Sometimes it’s been all three of those at once, although right now I’m chuckling at the thought of trying to seriously have sex to “Let me put my love into you” or “Givin the dog a bone”.

For three long years I have entertained you, educated you and held your hand, walking you through sexual manoeuvres that would otherwise leave you crippled for life. For three years I have taught you everything I know and I researched many new things to permit me to teach you the craftiest, rudest ways to get your jollies.

Together we’ve been through a few relationships, my scholarship and my immortalization in beer. You’ve hopefully laughed as I’ve told you about riding a bike drunk into a fence, cried as I whined about 6 Foot Under closing and felt violently ill at the prospect of Coldplay being The Rock’s number one band. Together we wondered why Ozzy did that horrible reality show, influencing once awesome musical Gods to follow suit – bringing us Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, Family Jewels and Fatherhood. Sometimes the scripts even seem identical as different musical celebrities have lamented over shit on their carpet. Although the thought of Tommy Lee going to college still cracks me up, I have to admit. We’ve wondered why super groups have failed (i.e. Rage against the Garden otherwise known as ”Audioslave”). As we watch washed up rock stars further scramble for financial gain (Gilby Clarke and Jason Newstead – just give up). We’ve wondered why drummers are always the butt of jokes and seem genetically engineered to be the size of jockeys. We’ve discussed how Metal songs are the best to play video games to, like running over hookers in golf carts to Angel of Death. We’ve mocked pretty much every other genre and sub-culture, right down to their wide brims and puffer jackets. We’ve taken the piss out of Goths quite a bit and to all my Gothy associates thanks for taking it like a trooper – I do actually like Goths. To quote Mel Brooks yet again: “You only spoof the ones you love” or as I accidentally said once, while drunk: “You only spoof on the ones you love”.

1. Root. Do it as much as you can, while you can. Eventually your body will get too old to handle once a week, let alone three times a morning. Find someone you think is sexy and screw their brains out for as long and as hard as you can, provided they also want it. Otherwise, you’re going to spend a stretch in prison, having your brains screwed out. Rapists aren’t very popular in prison. Or rather, they are very popular.

In the last column I tried to do a bit of a summing up but as a final statement of “What have we learned” I want to say – whatever music you’re into, have fun. Whatever floats your boat is sweet as long as you’re enjoying it, and not hurting anyone else. Sol long as you’re trying not to take your own life and personal amusement ride too seriously you’re okay by me. I am Bogan – for we are many. Stay Bogan \m/

Now, I am sad to say, I have to hang up my pen and my strap-on and put Agony Art to bed one last time. Agony Art has done his stretch and now Agony Art needs a lie down. But Agony Art doesn’t want to leave you empty handed and unsatisfied. Here are some final points on how to live your lives:

2. Don’t lie to get laid. You are awesome enough as it is. If a guy or girl won’t go to bed with you because you’re too young or too old, then it was going to be shit sex anyways. If they won’t root you because you’re too young, it’s because they can’t keep up. If it’s because you’re too old, it’s actually because they’re afraid of your “mad skills”. 3. Be safe. Be safe with your balls, your egg-tubes and your heart. Wear condoms, unless you don’t like how they feel. Pull out in time, unless you’re having too much of a good time. Most importantly, especially for girls, be careful WHO you let peg you. Men only want one thing from young virgins, fresh off the farm: marriage. If you’re not ready for marriage, don’t put out. Be selective when it comes to sex, your future children (at least the ones born without syphilis and herpes) will thank you. 4. Just because you were the man/hottie in Hicksville doesn’t mean shit here. Sure, Hamilton is hardly the high society of places like New Plymouth and Gore, but it’s still better then whatever shithole you crawled out of to get to university. Treat ladies with respect, because word gets around fast. Treat men with respect, otherwise they’ll call you a whore behind their backs. It may be true, but the less people who know the better. With that off my chest, I bid you all goodnight and good luck Love, Agony Art.

DVD: seth macfarlane’s cavalcade of cartoon comedy There are a number of deep and philosophical questions which bug me constantly, which reach into the very core of my being and demand answers. Questions like “Why did George Lucas make Greedo shoot first?” or “How dumb are the people who actually liked Transformers 2?” will forever confuse me, but one question that has finally been answered is “what would a whole show of those funny cutaways that show up in Family Guy be like if Seth MacFarlane had complete free range to do anything he wanted”?

The Feminine Files

With Mavis and Gertrude

In a couple of weeks, exams will be over, and school will be out for summer! So you’re off to work at the Warehouse, Christmas with the family, and New Year’s in Whangamata, right? WRONG! Don’t be lame! This summer should be one to remember because of the awesome stuff you did, not because of the minimum wage you earned and squandered on the same old nights out in Hamilton. Get interesting! 1. Go somewhere you’ve never been. Whether it’s Waikawau or Tahiti, grab your mates and do a mish. Empty beaches with your mates are much more fun than the Mount with a bunch of munters. Unless, of course, YOU’RE a munter?

And the answer is: surprisingly disengaging.

2. Even if you get a bum job, do it somewhere new. Mavis once got a job taking Santa photos in a mall – in the Sunshine Coast. Immediately the

The glory of Family Guy’s cutaways is that they’re set up, you’re prewarned with a random throw away line like “…is worse than the time…” and tempered by ratings put in place by their channel and their timeslot. What this Cavalcade DVD does though is show you a whole bunch of what could have been Family Guy cutaways in one continuous show. Admittedly this show is actually a collection of shorts made for Seth’s Comedy page on YouTube and in one or two bites some of the gags work great, the game show Name that Animal Penis is fantastic, and skits like Aids Patient Zero and Sex with… will gain a few laughs (actually, Sex with Optimus Prime is bloody funny) but after a while it becomes dull and monotonous. There are only so many times you can watch an angry Scotsman yelling plot points at a TV and a good bunch of these clips are just hit and miss – Barry Gibb on a roller coaster or a cat staff meeting anyone?

fun increases! Boring jobs are way more interesting in new places. 3. Do something you’ve never done before. Try surfing! Try WINDsurfing! Try a night school class in a completely random subject, like boating or judo.

You see the real thing that is missing from here is any sort of development of any of the characters on screen. The logic of “it made people laugh once so doing exactly the same thing each episode will be a hit” has been in place since long before Kylie Mole chewed gum. (ha - a 1980’s obscure pop culture reference – eat that, Twilight-loving tweens!) but it needs to have a bit of character development somewhere. Even the odd returning character doesn’t develop at all and this makes the jokes stagnate. It feels like letting MacFarlane off of his leash has really stifled his creative juices, stopping him from finding clever, witty ways to make his one liner segways work. Admittedly I suspect he is running out of ideas every time Peter Griffin suggests we listen to Conway Twitty, but that could also be a postmodern statement on the gullibility of audiences or commentary on the modern state of individual choice in the face of peer pressure. Or they’re just being douchbags – I really don’t know anymore.

4. Sign up to a class at a gym. It’s good for you, you’ll get a hot bikini body, and burn lots of calories. Try fun stuff like Zumba, yoga, or kickboxing. 5. Summer school. If you’re going to be stuck in Hamilton, get ahead in your degree with a summer school class. They’re less work for the same amount of credits – it’s GENIUS! You could take a paper in your major, or you could do an elective class in something random like creative writing. It’s only six weeks, and it’s heaps fun. Plus, you learn stuff. 6. Road tripping. It’s not summer without a road trip. Grab a tent, a map of where the DOC campsites are, and grab your favourite friends. Good food, nice wine and a reliable car makes for a fun weekend away of happy girlie bonding. Don’t forget the music! Speaking of which… 7. Make someone a mix tape. Whether it’s your lover or your bff, they will love to get a personalised tape/CD with awesome summer tunes. Don’t just use the top 40 songs, get a nice mix going. There are rules to making the perfect mix tape, look them up on the interwebs. 8. Volunteer work. If you’re struggling to find a paid job, volunteer work looks great on your CV and it’s good practical experience. Plus you feel good about it, and others appreciate it. Walk puppies at the SPCA, help out refugees, plant trees for Greenpeace, collect donations for Amnesty… whatever floats your boat, there’s a charity to fit. Make this summer something special. Do it for us. University is your last chance to get a long summer holiday, so make the most of it! We love you. We probably won’t see you next year, because we’re old and graduating, but keep in touch. Telepathically.

What can be said about 2009? Some famous people died, some famous-to-be were born. A lot of non-famous

never confused. Facts are things which can be proven systematically, while

also died and were born, but, in the end, nobody cares for the nobodies.

opinions are how we feel about these facts. Words like “good” and “bad” are

Scientists strove for a utopia, and politics interfered with progress. Films were

context-relevant, because they cannot be deﬁned objectively.

ﬁlmed, songs were sung, and the world made another step towards, and then

Perhaps that is what I hope you all will walk away from this university with

away from peace.

– the ability to distinguish between what people think and what is true, to

The victory of war remained elusive from even the greatest superpowers,

see that we humans are fallible, foolish, and opinionated. We are narcissistic,

whose steadfast ﬁghting reminded us daily that another thousand dead do not

greedy, and stubborn. We are impulsive, illogical, and crude. But we are also

quell or incite the spirits of either side.

creative, imaginative, and insightful. We can be loving, and caring, and show

This is what life will always be like. People struggling against each other to

compassion. We can be rational, and clear-sighted, and forgiving. And this is

achieve what they think are the better ends, and the means justifying it without

what makes us human; our ability to see both the good and bad in situations,

rationale. We all claim to desire peace, but what we really want is to be right,

compare and contrast our knowledge of the world and those around us, and

not fair, and our goal of a happy society will never be achieved when opinions

from it produce a piece of information which tells us that much more about the

skew our perception of reality.

way our world works. We need to question our current knowledge, test it, and

Gay marriage. Stem cell research. Recreational drug use. What we think we

change our understanding with the addition of new facts or the revision of old.

know is stopping us from enjoying the world to a greater degree. If people knew

The future will be remarkably similar to the present. Imbibed youths will keep

the facts rather than the opinions, then these things, among others, would

on painting the streets with bodily ﬂuids and continue thinking “inside the

be free for any individual to pursue. How can we say that it is wrong for two

box”. Religions will go on waxing and waning. Sex will continue to dominate our

people to express love for one another? How can we argue mysteries against

media in the way it always has.

an unprecedented scientiﬁc gain? How is it that people say marijuana is a

Some things will change of course: Gay marriage will become legal in NZ, stem

worse drug than alcohol or tobacco when it is scientiﬁcally less addictive and

cell research will improve the lives of millions, if not billions, and some of our

tolerance-building than either?

favourite drugs will make their way into the mainstream.

We allow misinformation to penetrate our society and suddenly an opinion is

The world will continue to turn, and wars will still be fought. Legends will die

worth the same as a fact.

and legends will be born.

Understand this: There are facts, and there are opinions. For the sake of

And Morgon will still be here, watching it all unfold.

progress, good discussion, and the love of humanity, it is vital that these are

Goodnight.

The drinking age is up for debate again, people wanting it raised to 20. Because that’s what will stop 14 years olds drinking. The argument is that 18 year olds are too immature to drink responsibly. Of course they’re too immature. Everyone is. It is a function of alcohol in our society that it makes you immature and irresponsible. To do things that an eight year old knows better than and the grin through missing teeth the next morning with the eternal excuse ‘Hey, I was drunk.’ What does it was about our culture that our celebrations, our rites of passage, our primary recreation activity is consumption of drug that makes us stupid? Raising the drinking age will make no difference. An unenforced age limit of 20 will be no more effective than an unenforced age limit of 18. Teenagers have been binge drinking for decades and we keep sending and reinforcing the idea that drinking is a part of growing up. Maybe. But being drunk isn’t about being grown up. It’s about acting like children. Less inhibitions, less fear, poor linguistic and motor skills, irrationality: It’s all about immaturity. And drunks can be hilarious. Doing foolish things that makes observers laugh. Right up until they crash their cars. Or break your nose. Or get

raped. Because you can’t stay immature forever. And you can only say ‘Hey, I was drunk’ so many times before it starts to sound hollow, before people stop caring about your excuses anymore. Most of us grow out of binge drinking eventually. Unfortunately experience is something that you only receive after you needed it. Some people don’t make it. I have a cousin who once wandered home after a night out drinking. His body was found three days later in Wellington Harbour. Nothing sinister. Just too drunk to know where he was going, too drunk to swim. Raise the drinking age and you tell every teenager that drinking is something that grown-ups do. One deﬁnition of alcoholic is the inability to function normally without alcohol. By that deﬁnition, New Zealand society is alcoholic. We don’t need to lift the drinking age. We just need to grow up.

NHL 10 (Xbox 360, PS3) By Antony Parnell

PHAT CONTROLLER

A common criticism of sports games is they are released as full price games every year, with only updated rosters and graphics to show for it. While this is a fair call, the last NHL game I owned was 2003 so NHL 10 was a new experience for me. The ﬁrst thing that struck me was the modes. Game modes as far as the eye can see. Gone are the days of “Quick play, Season, Multiplayer”. I really didn’t know where to start, but after noticing there were a lot of trophies for “Be a Pro Mode” I began there. Be a Pro lets you live the life of a NHL player, from being drafted to reaching All-Star status. Not included is the part where you get arrested for assaulting a taxi driver who shortchanges you. After competing in a prospects game, you get drafted by a pro team and begin your career. I was picked up by the San Jose Sharks, and thrown on their third line. After 3 games with no points, I was sent down to the minor leagues on a

feedback, telling you what you’re doing right and where you need to shape up. Good performances and meeting expectations through the season gains you experience which you can use increase your characters stats. On top of this you can unlock new equipment with “slots” that you can fill with status increasing items. Be a Pro mode seems likes the lovechild of a wild night between Square Enix and EA Sports. The standard hockey is very similar to NHL 09 with a few notable additions, most of all the fighting. Fighting is now a first person affair, using the left stick to rip at your opponent’s jersey and the right to swing your fist. It is the best realization of hockey’s unbalanced, intense brawls to date, and is much more entertaining than mashing the square button as much as possible. NHL 10 is a solid instalment of the franchise, no massive innovation but enough new features to entertain the hockey fans. And to those unfamiliar

“Conditioning assignment”. Ouch. Be a Pro mode is a great spin on the classic team-control gameplay. It’s up to you to be in the right position and not take up too much ice time. Thankfully time on the bench is minimal, and mostly under your control. When you’re there you get coach

with the NHL, watch a game then give NHL 10 a go. You may be surprised. With that, The Phat Controller comes to a close for the year. I’d like to mention a big thanks to EA, Sony and Microsoft who have all provided awesome support for this humble column. Until next time.

MOVIE REVIEW Summer is often the season when we actually have the time to go to the movies. After a few days increasing your melanoma collection and getting shot down by hot tourists at the beach, it’s good to sit in a cold dark place and watch big screen movies on a big-ass screen. Unfortunately, not everything makes it to the cinema in New Zealand and a lot of quality ﬁlms completely dodge our radar and hit the video stores instead. There’s very little we can do to stop cinemas from chopping and choosing what might otherwise be awesome movies, but we may as well try. Go online and look for the movies you want to see in cinemas, the ones you would be comfortable paying 10-15 dollars to see and go ask the people at the cinemas when it will be opening. If enough people keep asking, maybe, just maybe, they’ll screen it. Here are my picks for the summer, whether they show in cinemas or not. And yes, they

are overwhelmingly “boy” ﬁlms, but I am overwhelmingly a “boy”. Pandorum: Two astronauts wake up on a gigantic spaceship full of cryogenically frozen people and are quite confused. Something starts hunting them and they ﬁnd out that there are other people awake on the ship, also being hunted and slaughtered by mystery predators. Looks like it will be a cross between Alien and Event Horizon. Zombieland: Another action/horror/comedy dealing with zombies, yet this genre never seems to tire out its target audience. It could be that we’re all just stupid, easy to please teenagers, but at least we’re happy. Woody Harrelson and Jesse Eisenberg seem to be ready to bring the perfect amounts of comedy and over the top violence to the screen and fans of Sean of the Dead look set to see another action/horror/comedy.

9: A CGI film produced by Tim Burton and the Russian guy who did Wanted and the Night Watch films. This film is sure to bring a lot of comparisons to Wall-E, as its main character is a small, living ragdoll in a world seemingly devoid of all other life. This film is part warning and all adventure, but definitely not one for the younger kids. 2012: A lot of people laughed at the trailer for this movie when it came on before Inglorious Basterds. It seems that the days when Independence Day, Armageddon and Deep Impact sold out for weeks at a time have been and gone. And yet, despite The Day After Tomorrow being a horror to both the eyes and the thinking mind, I still hold out hope for 2012 being an awesome film. It involves the whole world turning inside out and includes an amazing scene where the Himalayas get swallowed up by a tidal wave. See this on the big screen or don’t bother.

Auteur House Presents

By Dr Richard Swainson

The Top 20 Films of the Decade, Part II The perils of trying to name the decade’s Top 10 films too early were brought home to me last weekend after I watched the South African drama “Disgrace”. A quite brilliant adaptation of JM Coetzee’s Booker prize winning novel, its study of gender relations, sexual politics and racial tension in the post-apartheid republic

all of us. Well, most of us. I’m dimly aware of a dissenting view.

ranks with the century’s best cinema. If I had seen it a few days earlier it may well have crept into part one of this article.

town American hypocrisy is shot on a bare Danish sound stage with perhaps the most international, multi-generational cast of the century. What seems at first a weird, pretentious theatrical exercise soon convinces as wildly cinematic, Von Trier’s sweeping camerawork and John Hurt’s melodious voice-over making one forget the absence of a physical set or sympathetic characters and enjoy all the crazy Dane’s jaundiced indulgences.

Part two lists films from number 10 through 1, in reverse order of merit. 10. “You, the Living” (Dr: Roy Andersson, Sweden, 2007). Dead pan does humour does not get funnier or more poignant than this. Andersson’s loosely connected series of vignettes, charting depression and despair amongst Scandinavian lonely hearts, tempers the gloom with a rigorous if minimalist visual sense and a jaunty dixieland jazz score.

7. “Dogville” (Dr: Lars Von Trier, Denmark, 2003). Von Trier’s oblige assault on small

9. “Zodiac” (Dr: David Fincher, USA, 2007). The “Citizen Kane” of serial killer movies. Fincher is less interested in solving the riddle of Zodiac’s identity than he is in creating a new dramatic form to accommodate the case’s complexities, one that examines it from a criminal, a police and a media perspective in a meticulously paced two and a half hours.

6. “Hidden/Cache” (Dr: Michael Haneke, France, 2005). With a Palm d’Or winning feature under his belt in 2009, the Austrian born Michael Haneke rates as the decade’s premiere art house auteur. “Hidden” is a drama about France’s dirty colonial past dressed up as a thriller, the tale of a middle class family coming apart under the strain of violent threats and mysterious video tapes. Edge of the seat stuff from the first frame to the final, enigmatic image.

8. “The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Dr: Peter Jackson, USA, 2002). Arguably the best of the trilogy, “The Two Towers” delivers the kind of set piece battles that appeal to the 12 year old boy inside

5. “There Will Be Blood” (Dr: Paul Thomas Anderson, USA, 2007). Anderson’s stunning adaptation of Upton Sinclair’s novel “Oil!” has a tour de force opening - place, time, and character established without recourse to dialogue - and only gets better thereafter. Daniel Day Lewis might appropriate John Huston’s accent in playing a misanthropic uber capitalist but it is a

performance that goes far beyond surface appearances, touching the character’s dark, mysterious soul. Johnny Greenwood’s score is also noteworthy. 4. “The Lives of Others” (Dr: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck, Germany, 2006). The Soviet bloc experience is captured in all its banality in this near perfect tale of East German surveillance abuses. A playwright and a Stasi officer, both believers in the communist ideal, become pawns in a game that has more to do with the sexual fantasies of a government minister than the triumph of the proletariat. 3. “Yi Yi” (Dr: Edward Yang, Taiwan, 2000). Sadly this nearly three hour family saga proved to be the last completed feature by the Taiwanese master Yang, who died in 2007. A masterpiece that touches on all aspects of middle class life, from youthful curiosity to geriatric dementia, with love, lust, despair and alienation in between. You could not ask for a richer examination of the joys and disappointments of the late capitalist age. 1= “Mulholland Drive” (Dr: David Lynch, USA, 2001). 1= “Inland Empire” (Dr: David Lynch, USA, 2006). I find it difficult to separate these two surrealist gems. The second is by far the more challenging, in both running time and ruddily digital look, with segues that include folk in giant rabbit suits doing the ironing. The brilliance of Laura Dern certainly approaches that of Naomi Watts in “Drive”, both actresses excelling at playing actresses, the fantasy and nightmare of the Hollywood dream pushing Lynch to greater and greater heights. Love or hate his work, he always delivers a unique, disconcerting experience.

BOOK: The Best of Men By Claire Letemendia Reviewed by Art Focker I will be the first to admit that female writers are not my favourite. With the exception of Michelle de Kretser, I’ve never been able to find a female writer with whom I have been able to connect. This may be some sort of deep seated chauvinism or simply some sort inability to fathom the deep, complex workings of the female mind. Either way, it makes the experience of reading female authors too difficult to find enjoyable. That said I attempted to read through Claire Letemendia’s first novel, The Best of Men, and

Also, there were none of the dreary characters which seem to be queued up to get into New Zealand historical fiction, particularly that of Challinor and Pattrick, the poor, downtrodden Catholic whores who start a new life in Aotearoa and begin a dynasty of beautiful, part Maori warrior sons. The main character in The Best of Men is a man, who is a bastard. He roots and cheats at cards and avoids wars whenever he can. This is difficult, however, as he soon finds himself in the middle of the English Civil War, attempting to stop a plot to kill the king of England.

found myself pleasantly surprised. There were none of the clichés I have found in other female works, particularly Diana Galbadon and Marian Keyes, where girls seem to inner-monologue every time they want to bite a sandwich or kiss some roguish Scottish noble. Who is also their great uncle? Shame on you, you dirty Mills and Boon, bodice-ripping authors; you’ve successfully alienated half of your possible audience.

What’s curious about this premise is that most people know that King Charles was eventually beheaded by the Parliamentary victors in the English Civil War. It thus seems redundant to save a man in a work of ﬁction who is doomed to die a bloody death regardless, yet Letemendia makes it enjoyable all the same. In this I found it to be similar, while opposite, to The Eagle Has Landed, by Jack Higgins.

The setting for The Best of Men is what attracted me the most. Being a history fan, particularly military history, I was interested about learning about the mid-17th Century in England and was not disappointed. I still haven’t changed my mind regarding the palatability of female authors, but I will deﬁnitely continue to read Claire Letemendia, particularly if she’s dealing with the English Civil War again.

COMIC REVIEW Reviewed by Gordon Dawson DMZ: War Powers

By Brian Wood and RiccardoBurchielli DMZ: War Powers is the seventh in a series of graphic novels written by Brian Wood. Now, “graphic novel” is mostly a fancy way of saying “comic book” rather than “gory story” like a lot of people seem to think it means. But in this case, it means both. DMZ doesn’t pull any punches. It’s set in a modern, in a not-too-distant and all too likely future in which the “Free States” are a secessionist movement in the USA which has fought the US Army to a standstill over the island of Manhattan. Manhattan becomes the de-militarized zone, or DMZ. And so begins the story of a war, and those who live in it. It could any war, with the key difference that it is set in the modern United States. The politics, violence and general war-is-hell-ness of it all are portrayed graphically and unflinchingly by the incredibly talented team of Wood and Burchielli. A bit too graphically, in some cases – Wood seems to feel the need to put the word “fuck” or some variation thereof in every single word balloon. Perhaps people do talk like that in warzones, but I found it a bit wearing. Otherwise, though, it’s difficult to fault the story. The art is loose and daring, with what is an obviously heavily graffiti-influenced style. The book also features opening and closing vignettes by Kiristian Donaldson and Nikki Cook, respectively, and I like the blend of styles, particularly Donaldson’s crisp, clean lines. Characters are portrayed well, and I feel I picked the story up decently considering I’d started right in the middle. It goes

Black Metal

By Rick Spears and Chuck BB This story is short and sweet, in an evil kind of way, so I’ll keep this review the same. Black Metal is the story of decidedly unusual twins caught in a middle-school strip-mall hell in America. They don’t like life, so they listen to Black Metal to escape. That’s about as far as social commentary goes. The rest reads like a cross between a Penny Arcade comic and a Tenacious D album. Shenanigans, as could be expected, occur. There are demonic hell-swords, a pretty Goth girl with bugs in her hair, any number of devils, a Black Metal band, and Satan rounds things out nicely. The art is good and the story is a hoot. Deﬁnitely worth a read, Black Metal may be ordered at Mark One Comics in Victoria Street, as can DMZ.

something like this: journalist Matty Roth has been in the DMZ for a while now, and he’s helped new Governer Parco Delgado turn it into a ﬂedgling independent nation. But Delgado’s motives aren’t all exactly blameless, and things get complicated, as they do in war. Matty’s growth is particularly interesting: is he doing the wrong things for the right reasons, or the other way around? It’s well worth a read, and I think I’ll ﬁnd myself checking out the rest of the series on the strength of this one.

By Nick Johnston Is it incredible to see how much music has changed over the past 10 years. Not only have we seen a radical change in the way we listen to music, we’ve also seen some many different stylistic trends go in and out of fashion. The internet has had a profound effect on music in general. There is no longer a huge difference mainstream and alternative music. Smaller bands and labels have often become famous because of the internet, the Arctic Monkeys and Lily Allen owe their entire career to the internet (both released their earlier demos for free on the internet, gained public interest and got signed up by record labels). For most of the decade, record labels and distributors have been blaming illegal downloads for a major loss in revenue, but I think there are other factors to consider. The internet has completely changed the way we consume music, yet the business models of most distributors have been rigidly stuck in the archaic format of 20th century music. The older business model requires ‘megastars’ to run successfully. Elvis Presley, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Michael Jackson … record companies would love to ﬁnd an act that could sell albums like these bands/musicians, but those kind of sales will never happen again. And it’s not because people aren’t as talented today. It’s because record companies can no longer put all of their eggs in one basket. To give an example, record companies can no longer rely on ‘Band A’ selling $15 million copies of their latest album, they must spread their focus and try to earn that money through ‘Band A’, ‘Band B’ and ‘Band C’ with $5 million each, or even 15 different bands with $1 million each. Because we have access to so much music, our tastes in music vary dramatically, more so than any other generation in the past. Many record companies are only just started to ﬁnd new business models to work with, some 36

are still using the same plan that has been used since the birth of rock ‘n roll in the 1950s. The ones that adapt will continue to function, the ones who don’t will most likely be gone by the next time Nexus does a ‘decade in music’ article. At the beginning of this decade, boy bands will still at the top of the charts. Scary thought.. After a rather dire 1996-1999 period of mainstream rock/metal, the 2000s saw many new sub-genres forming. Nu Metal thankfully died out very early in the decade, with a return to classic metal roots. Suddenly, it was alright again to play guitar solos. Around 2004, ‘emo’ became redeﬁned as a pop-punk genre and had mainstream popularity for roughly 4 years. The Strokes led a new indie rock movement that has become one of the most dominant sub-genres of rock. Some of these bands include Franz Ferdinand, The White Stripes, The Killers, Bloc Party, and the Arctic Monkeys. Pop music charts for the 2000s have been dominated by R&B and Hip-Hop. In response to the cartoonish gangsta rap ‘artists’ like 50 Cent, Snoop Dogg and The Game, a strong alternative hip hop movement gained popularity with a strong sense of traditional hip-hop values. Some hip-hop producers, such as Timbaland and Pharell Williams (of The Neptunes), became as popular as the artists they worked with. A strong 1980’s revival started late in the decade, which seemed to permeate through many different music genres. Almost overnight, synthesizers became trendy again and started appearing in everything, including R&B, indie rock and hip-hop. Although it is not an invention of the 2000s, auto-tune distortion of the voice is still a prominent trend in pop music today. In all of the music developments over the past 10 years, there is only one major trend I can see that seems to have had a negative effect.

Popular music in general is becoming more and more dynamically compressed. In other words, the difference in volume between the quietest and loudest parts of the song is getting smaller and smaller. Because there is a smaller distance between the high and low volumes, songs in general sound louder. Some songs are so compressed that it becomes an unpleasant listening experience. Unfortunately the internet can be blamed for this production trend. Because more music is being listened to on computers, the music production is changing to suit smaller speakers or headphones. Try listening to an uncompressed original Beatles song on your laptop speakers and you will miss a lot of the detail because it is too quiet, but a modern pop song will be clearly audible because it is compressed and there are no quiet parts. My guess is that we’ll look back on compression like we look back on terrible 1980’s pop production. It’ll be humorous and people will wonder how they ever thought that this sounded good. Most trends say compression will get worse and worse, but all music goes through cycles, and I like to believe there will be a revival of un-compressed/low-compression music. Could be wishful thinking but there is no harm in dreaming.. A few complaints aside, it has been a very exciting decade for music and I look forward to seeing what the future has to offer. Many great musicians passed away this decade, so it seems ﬁtting to acknowledge those who helped pave the way for the great music we get to enjoy every day.. James Brown, Johnny Cash, Joe Strummer, Ray Charles, Michael Jackson, George Harrison, ‘Dimebag’ Darrell Abbott, Jam Master Jay, Joey Ramone, Johnny Ramone, Les Paul, Bo Diddley, Syd Barrett. RIP.

Send your gig listings to gigs@ nexusmag.co.nz. We will print them for you! Seriously, send them. There’s got to be SOMETHING happening in this city.

4th Annual Hamilton Underground Film Festival Underground short films: 2 Different Screenings: Tuesday 13th October 2009 6pm @ Waikato Museum of Art and History Lecture theatre Short Films + intermission + Longer Films + Super 8 projections + Karen Karnak section [finishes at 9pm] $5 PG Tue 13 Oct 2009 Cost: $5 Time: 6pm Where: Waikato Museum of Art and History, south victoria street Further details: Emit Snake-Beings 021 165 1233 snakebeings@gmail.com Improv Theatre Championship Join Hamilton’s premier improvisation company in a fierce battle of wits, egos and braggadocio fabricated weekly at the Riverlea Theatre for your pleasure. Three teams will duke it out in the challenge for the title of “Improv Champions”. Weekly | Sun 11 Oct 2009 - Sun 01 Nov 2009 Cost: $12 / $10 Time: 7:30 - 9:30

Where: Riverlea Theatre, Riverlea Road, Hillcrest, Hamilton Hamilton Band Experiments York St Studios in association with ZM and Hamilton Live Music Trust presents the Hamilton Band Experiments 2009. The scheduled dates are:Heat 3 (4 acts) Thursday 1st October, Heat 4 (4 acts) Thursday 8th October, Final (5 acts) Thursday 15th October. Weekly | Thu 01 Oct 2009 - Thu 15 Oct 2009 Cost: $5.00 Time: from 9pm Where: Flow Bar, 266 Victoria Street Hamilton St Lawrence String Quartet Having walked on stage together over 1,900 times in the past nineteen years, the St Lawrence String Quartet are now ﬁrmly established on the international stage. Programme: Haydn: Quartet in E-ﬂat Opus 9 No 2, John Adams: New work composed for the quartet, Dvořk: Quartet in G Opus 106. Tue 13 Oct 2009 Cost: General Admission $45. Student Rush $15 (usual restrictions apply)

Time: 8.00pm Where: Gallagher Concert Chamber, WEL Energy Trust Academy of Performing Arts University of Waikato Hamilton Film Society “Noi The Albino” (Director: Dagur Kari, Iceland, 2003). A portrait of a gifted teen who rebels against the limited horizons of life in his frozen Icelandic village. Mon 12 Oct 2009 Cost: Full memberships $100 / $90 students/ unwaged and three ﬁlm passes ($30) available Time: 8pm Where: Victoria Cinema, 690 Victoria Street, Hamilton The Paradise Effect Oils on canvas inspired by the Hamilton Gardens by Adrienne Ranson. Fri 02 Oct 2009 - Mon 02 Nov 2009 Cost: FREE Time: 10 am until 4.30 pm daily. Where: ArtsPost, 120 Victoria Street

Final open mic night!! 5pm till late this Thursday

EMAIL YOUR BUSTED MOMENTS TO NEXUS Step one: Party Step two: Take pictures Step three: Email them to us at busted@nexusmag.co.nz Seriously, do it! It canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be that hard, people are (apparently) partying here all the time. Embarrass your friends! Display your ugly mug! Showcase your boobs! Do it, goddamn it!