issue 2

10 MARCH 2008

A Cuban Odyssey

so too will KiwiSaver.

From 1 April 2008, if you’re 18 or over and you’re a KiwiSaver member, your employer will start contributing to your KiwiSaver account too. They’ll begin by paying 1% of what you earn to your KiwiSaver scheme, increasing this by 1% each year to reach a maximum of 4 % from 1 April 2011. Your employer will get up to $20 a week from the government to help them meet the cost of these contributions.

KiwiSaver is the easy way to save for your future. It’s voluntary and easy to join. You can ask your employer for an information pack, or contact a KiwiSaver scheme provider directly. Then you just have to choose whether you’d like to save 4 or 8% of your earnings, and your employer will deduct this from your wages. Or, as long as you both agree to it, your employer can help you reach the minimum 4% contribution until 2012. Easy.

Visit www.kiwisaver.govt.nz for details Call 0800 KIWISAVER (0800 549 472) Mon–Fri 8am-8pm, Sat 9am-1pm KiwiSaver. Making easy work of saving.

TTT 8033

Terms and conditions apply

party review Karnage Kolumn With your excitable maitre’d, AJ Heilige Kuh und der Buddha sich selbst! Holy cow and the Buddha himself…What an O’week to remember!

AJ attended some epic shiz in O’week and now its time to let SOME of it be known. The whare with a worry at 28MS certainly had rage-ers ready for the pre-town madness on Tuesday night of Orientation. They threw an SMS to the hordes and identified the evening’s event as a ‘Drinking Olympics’.

Excited and erect, I made my way over to May St., the ‘tron’s equivalent of Otago’s Castle St. As I entered the unexpectedly quiet mansion on May, I wondered if the boys had pulled a prank but once I got myself down the dungeon door, I found the competitors of the body and mental torture they called the ‘Drinking Olympics’.

Rules of play were to pull out a piece of paper from a beer box upon admission and compete in that event without fail. There was a vast array of events ranging from a Hermit, the Death Dozen, Box-Head, and Funnels. Most of you should know what a Hermit is, however , for the naïve, the Hermit consists of you, a box of beer, and an isolated area (in this case a room) without any electronics or communication devices (humans included). 4 poor souls picked this out of the box…haha losers.

The Death Dozen comprises of doing a dozen of beers in specific time allocations, the 1st in 12minutes…2nd in 11minutes…3rd in 10minutes etc. so you have 1minute to do your last. 4 of the athletes had to compete in this event including me. Box-Head is very self explanatory, and if you don’t know then ask your Uncle Gwayne. Mr Bones was the unlucky soldier to pick this one out. Last but not least, it was the funnels; this event involved downing every second vessel through a funnel, Jesse who was grinding out this event also performed this at the Death Dozen pace, ‘on ya champ!

Not to forget the most important aspect of the Drinking Olympics was that cell phones had to be placed in the middle of the table upon entry and if you fail at any hurdle or cut-off point, the penalty is an instant 2beer funnel…standard practice at the mansion on May. Yaking, hurling, chundering, spewing, or vomiting was only a temporary set-back, your event was not over till completed.

Testing times although extremely enjoyable were had by all, even by the depressive Hermit participants. Everyone was a winner on the day, ‘cause we all got maggot, cut some mean shapes in town, and ended up with morning wood. I bid you farewell for now whanau, we will indeed meet again…

Autobots, Tansform and Roll out! Decepticons, Eat shit!

Am I going to win the lotto this week?

It is decidedly so – According to the pop-up ads we keep running into on the Internet, we’ve already won various international lottos around, oh, 168,000 times. With a run like that, we’re feeling confident. Are you?

Will Nexus ever get any interesting Letters to the Editor?

You may rely on it – This year’s letters will be so awesome they will form a rip in space-time, creating a universe based entirely on Letters to the Editor. This universe will be made of mysterious poo smells, various kinds of whining and bitching, Christians vs Other People, the occasional compliment, and interminable, incomprehensible ranting.

Is the guy who does the Puzzle-o-phile page the same guy responsible for the notorious Uncle Jim puzzle page of previous years?

Outlook not so good – “Uncle” Jim vanished as mysteriously as he came. The only correspondence we ever received about him – a torrent of letters from law enforcement, angry letters in Thai from the Thai Embassy, stuff from Land Transport about an unregistered van, a huge bill from Cadbury, a couple of tickets to Cambodia, and heaps of Readers Digest Sweepstakes letters – was picked up by lawyers a couple of weeks after he disappeared. We’ve never heard from him since.

Was O’Week a success?

My reply is no – After some consultation with local wizards, we found that it wasn’t that O’week wasn’t a success – it was how we were defining “success.” The dictionary defines success as: Success (noun) 1.)Achievement of intention: the achievement of something planned or attempted 2.)Something that turns out well: something that turns out as planned or intended Our problem was that thousands of new students were expecting to achieve popularity, eloquence and success with intended mating partners by drinking litres of alcohol. This, as they found out, often results in them spewing in pub bathrooms and/or waking up next to someone they wouldn’t normally have intended being coming within a rugby field of. So, in that way, it was far from successful. Pretty much everything else was great.

Are there Scientologists at Waikato University?

Reply hazy, try again – Those damn scientologists! They keep interfering with the Magic 8 Ball’s majick! We’ll show them! We won’t be censored!

(Here the document breaks off and is continued on a different computer) Hello students. Despite the well-known fact that Scientologists are good and decent people, we are not at your university, not infiltrating your education, and definitely not providing free personality tests in L.G.01 at 10:30am on Wednesdays. Hail Xenu!

Will Tom Cruise run for President?

Yes - He’s already the President. Of everywhere. Ha, the things you nonScientologists don’t know.

ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

3

Last week’s competition attracted a tonne of entries – many of them, disturbingly, riffing on the Internet meme “two girls, one cup.” How many people have seen that video?!

Come up with a caption and send it in to nexus@waikato.ac.nz with “caption” in the subject line. If you win, it will be displayed in Nexus for the whole University to see.

The winning entry will be so awesome that heaven and earth will move, and a new star sign, “Captiono,” will be created. People born under the Captiono sign will be extraordinarily lucky and far more attractive than normal.

Ironically, they will be terrible at coming up with captions.

Anyway, congratulations, Dominc BowersMason!

Come up to the Nexus office to collect your

Entries close 5pm Thursday, 12 March.

Winners will be notified by email, and can get their prize from the Nexus office whenever.

ng e Engineeri st run of th take carbo-etter” te t rs fi e “Th al-in t’s new du Departmen

prize!

(Oh yeah, we forgot to mention it’s a bottle of wine. So bring ID with you.)

Here’s this week’s pictu

re.

QUESTIONS.

1.What did you think of O’week?

2.What do you think of Communism?

3.What is your favourite part of Nexus?

4.What degree are you doing and why?

5.Did you pick up during OWeek?

Daniel Marie

Nastasja 1. Good 2. Don’t know (talks to friends) Yeh, no idea.

3. Games page 4. BSocSci – It’s interesting 5. I have a boyfriend.

4

ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

Craig

1. Awesome 2. Not for me, but works for some 3. Pretty sweet 4. BComm – it interests me 5. No

1. My 1st one, it was okay, a bit crowded 2. Don’t know too much, isn’t it looked down upon?

We’re not a communist country so it doesn’t really matter.

3. Only read it a couple of times 4. English – Because I’m interested in it.

5. No

Zane 1. Good 2. Not good 3. Haven’t read it yet 4. CUP – figure out what I want to do 5. No

1. Great 2. It’s complicated, because in Cuba it works despite the sanctions from the U.S., like they’ve had no new cars since the 1950s. And then there’s China, which isn’t communism, it’s a splash of everything, just with a really shitty Government.

3. It’s all good 4. CUP – Didn’t get UE 5.No, but I got really mean to someone. Sorry Hasha.

NZA 0879 Goggles_Unison mag.indd1 1

26/2/08 2:24:07 PM

ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

Nexus Issue 02 10 March 2008

Regulars

CREDITS

Features

and Randoms

Editor: Joshua Drummond (nexus@waikato.ac.nz) Design:Talia Kingi (graphics@ nexus-npl.co.nz) Advertising: Tony Arkell (admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz/ 021 176 6180) We Don’t Have Job Description For Him Yet: Andrew Neal (news@nexus-npl.co.nz) Music Ed: Carl Watkins (toezee@ gmail.com) Books Ed: We still don’t have one yet but please apply if you’re interested (nexus@waikato.ac.nz)

16 A Cuban Odyssey Nexus contributor Michael Forde takes a trip on a boat to the Communist refuge of Cuba – and finds a bureaucratic Caribbean culture, chicas and Casa Particulars

34 O’week Band Reviews Were you there? You should have been. Our intrepid reviewers, ahem, review The Datsuns and the mighty, powercut-proof SUPERGROOVE

News 8 – 13 O’week continues to make the news, Venezualan ambassador revolutionises his way into WSU, Leading Waikato Uni academic criticises Government teaching report, New Tertiary Minister, Academic misconduct at Auckland Uni, Mine away your loan, Dirtbombs to dirty up Hamilton, and the Nexus Haiku News The whole damn world should hurry up and switch to Macs.

03 Karnage Kolumn Party Review with AJ

03 Magick 8 Ball 04 Caption Competition 04 Low Five 06 Contents Oh My God I’m Looking At It Right Now!

07 Editorial 13 The Nexus Haiku News 14 Lettuce 26 Notices 27 Flash Medallion’s Puzzle Page 28 Sarcophagus Rex 29 Cromie 29 That comic about the kangaroo

30 Boganology 30 Static Void Main 31 Sports Thoughts 31 Agony Art 32 Essence of Awesome 32 A River Runs Through It 33 Soapbox 35 Moving Pictures 35 Phat Controller 36 Citric 37 DVDs 38 Gig guide 39 Busted

Contributors 8 Ball, AJ, Vitamin C, WSU, Special K, Carl Watkins, Burton C. Bogan, Jed Laundry, Dr Richard Swainson, Joseph Ross, Josh, Andrew, Art, Matt, Petra Jane, Mammoth, HCAC, Kat, Jim, Elmo the Happy Monster, Michael Forde, Flash Medallion, David Bennett, Google, Wikipedia, and Brett the Dairy Guy for the drinks, snacks and massively inappropriate innuendo VISIT US ONLINE (once we set the website up) at nexusmag. co.nz AND myspace.com/ nexusmagazine

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press

Association (ASPA) Because ASPA is an anagram of ASAP, and we need to do stuff fast and that, geddit? No? Idiots.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, BRETT THE DODGY DAIRY GUY, THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST OR ANYONE AT ALL, REALLY WANT TO ADVERSTISE WIT’ NEXUS? EMAIL nexus@waikato.ac.nz OR admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176 6180 OR send personalised bribes to that abandoned warehouse in Frankton. You know the one.

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamiltron, City of the Distant Future, the Distant Future, the Year 2000, WE ARE ROBOTS PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: nexus@waikato.ac.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton This one is dedicated to the characters of Sesame Street, for being my friends when I was a kid.

Information Overload Josh Drummond I’ve lost count of the times I’ve been asked to download “new smileys.”

“SAY SOMETHING!” screeches a moron-face every time I (accidentally) mouse over it. Anyone who has accidentally clicked one of these things while quietly interweb-surfing at night and had it scream out at them will know what I mean. I win a new international lotto every day. Magically, I’m always the “100,000,000’th” visitor to any number of websites. Beautiful girls constantly e-harass me, begging me for my credit card number.

MySpace tells me I have two new crushes from Hamilton. “We have tracked that one of your buddies from Hamilton likes you,” it says, creepily. I didn’t know the internet could do that. But, according to the Internet, the Internet can do anything. My email assures me that making money off gigantic, illegal transactions involving Nigerian banks and millions of dollars is not only easy but commonplace. It’s also easy to enlarge your penis, and then keep it enlarged with a cheap prescription for Viagra/Cialis/Oil of Snake. A new scam seems to involve people sending me fake ads for selling – wait for it – various breeds of dog, for some unearthly reason. Then there’s the really weird stuff. An email showed up today, all in Spanish. “Moderno sistema de Abre puerta solo a personas!” it barked.

Sometimes, because there’s such a wealth of spam email, they get mixed up to surreal, hilarious effect. Read them quickly and you get the impression that a Nigerian/Spanish banker can enlarge your genitalia whilst simultaneously rubbing you down with money and feeding you illegal drugs. And dogs. All this junk is only the stuff I don’t have to bother with. The most annoying things are the ones I’m actually meant to read. Something like 10 billion press releases come in each day, mostly from political parties who are like screaming children when it comes to getting attention. The Sense of Life Objectivists (don’t ask) usually manage to send out at least one brain-haemorrhaging thing a week. Heard of them? I didn’t think so. Then there’s some guy from somewhere who opts to send out at least one press release a day - usually in rhyme. His reason for existing seems to be disliking Israel, and finding things that rhyme with “Palestine.” The Business Roundtable keeps sending me stuff. I’ve no idea why. My delete key is wearing out.

So is my mind.

Why am I bombarding you with the same useless information I get subjected to every day? Because it’s from this maelstrom of madness that I have to extract the material that goes into making Nexus every week. We’re constantly told that we’re living in an Information Age. Sure, there’s more information around, and it’s easier to come up with.

I’ve forgotten how we did things without Wikipedia and Google. But there’s more crap circling the information drain than ever before. Friends in similar jobs tell me of “computer rage” – how they’ve gotten utterly sick of being chained to computers, to the stage where even seeing one makes them furious. Often, they’re just tired of the unending barrage of information. Overload strikes, and they nip off for a quiet career in something easy, like uranium mining, which involves minimal exposure to computers, and maximum exposure to sweet, sweet radiation.

Radiation makes you forget.

As students, you’ll probably hit information overload at some point as well. You have lectures, readings, essays, assignments, and the million other things that creep in to balance with a social life. You have to sort out where all your classes are (and I pity you if any are in that hellmaze that passes for a teaching block) what stuff is due in when, what lecturers can be persuaded to give you extensions, and how to reference properly so you don’t get hung, drawn and quartered for plagiarism.

People on campus will shout bewildering slogans at you and try and get you to join their religion – and around exam time, this might actually work.

O’week is over, and you have to face a year (maybe many more) of real study. That’s not an easy task while you’re all probably suffering from a collective hangover. Stick with it. Finishing is a good feeling. Tertiary graduates tend to have better, more satisfying jobs despite the debt which will cripple you if you’re not careful. And if information overload strikes, either during your Uni education or at your first graduate job, there’s always the mines.

I’d better wrap it up now. My two new crushes from Hamilton are, apparently, waiting for me. Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz (about anything. It doesn’t have to be crushes.)

Oh, and this week’s Word of the Week is, unsurprisingly, “Hangovers.”

ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

News issue 02

OWeek Roundup With hangovers, colds and STIs, students recovered from a raucous Orientation last week – and if you missed any of it, here’s a catch-up.

OWeek saw plenty of games put on by the WSU to keep students enjoying themselves on campus all day.

The week screamed to a close with open-air concerts on both Friday and Saturday nights featuring acts Supergroove and the Datsuns.

These events were originally ticket-only but on Friday the WSU executive decided to allow free access to students with ID. Student attendance at campus events was definitely up on previous years, with positive feed back coming from students WSU directors and organisers alike.

On campus, the ‘Student Olympics’ on Thursday were a huge hit with the spectators.

Events included ‘rope tug’, ‘pizza stuffing’ and a three legged race.

well-deserved cool off for students and WSU directors alike.

A very impressive number of participants also

Clubs Day on Wednesday was definitely a cultural affair with many International Student groups making a presence with colourful

stripped down to their underwear for Friday’s ‘Undie 500.’

displays under the ominous shadow of the climbing wall.

Musical acts were varied and a definite crowdpleaser ranging from the Wai Taiko Japanese drummers to the roots and blues sounds of Tahuna Breaks.

Students and staff heroically battled flies and scorching heat on Friday for free, delicious, ice cold, desirable, wonderful, frosty beer on tap from Liquor Save and the WSU. The late afternoon event meant there was plenty to go around with many people snagging six or seven beers before WSU President Moira Neho asked everyone to pick up two pieces of rubbish before heading home.

On Saturday night New Zealand veterans Supergroove performed alongside King Kapisi.

Technical difficulties hindered the set but didn’t stop the band blasting out their sing-a-long anthems as well as a few Che Fu tracks.

“I was stoked with numbers attending the events and all the people getting into it,” grinned WSU events manager James “Elmo” Harnett.

Saturday’s gigs saw a few less people through the gates due to a spot of unpredictable weather. Local act Dick Dynamite and the Dopplegangers wound up the crowd with their usual ‘psychobilly’ antics that led into an explosive Datsuns set.

Nocturnal activities at bars in Hamilton centre city were also a highlight for many with something on every night of the week. O’week revellers enjoyed fluro parties, foam parties, Beerfests and 80’s parties that saw leotard-clad ravers take over the city.

A new and popular addition to the festivities in 2008 was a pool party on Wednesday held at the University pool. Highlights were wet t-shirt and ‘diving’ competitions, which were a

Plenty of Waikato University’s hunkiest bachelors put their goods on display for the “ZM Big Man on Campus,” throughout the week, and were forced to do many humiliating challenges – which included naked runs with nothing covering their shame but an inflatable ring. One was subject to the ultimate pleasure of having WSU Director AJ putting a Burger Fuel sticker on his wing-wang.

Waikato, Lion Red, Speight’s 15pk

$18.99

each

5% Student discount on presentation of student ID 8

ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

0800 4 LK DIRECT 0800 455 347 connects you to your nearest Liquor King store.

HILLCREST Cnr Clyde & York Sts, Hamilton - Phone: 07 856 9170 - Fax: 07 856 9169 - Email: liquorking.hillcrest@lk.co.nz Valid until close of trade Sunday 16th March 2008 at Hillcrest store only. While stocks last. We reserve the right to limit quantities. Trade not supplied. All major credit cards accepted. Excludes all other promotions & discounts.

March 10 2008

Revolutionary speaker to, ahem, speak

By Andrew Neal Venezuelan Revolutionary Nelson Davila will be speaking on campus on Wednesday 19th, at 1pm, and hopes that his country’s President, Hugo Chavez, will do the same.

The public meeting, to be held at 1pm in Guru’s Lounge in the WSU building, is part of Mr Davila’s tour, which involves speaking appearances all around New Zealand.

“It was an opportunity we couldn’t pass up,” says Waikato Student’s Union President Moira Neho, who has organised the speech and question session with Venezuela’s charge d’affaires for Australia, New Zealand and the Pacific.

“Nelson will speak about the nature of the Venezuelan revolutionary process,” says tour organiser Grant Morgan.

Davila “hopes his tour will give impetus to the establishment of a broadbased, inclusive Venezuela solidarity movement in New Zealand,” said Morgan.

Whilst the visit is “a little bit controversial, that doesn’t mean we can’t listen and learn and make our own minds up,” said Neho.

The opportunity to have Davila speak came from an email sent to Neho from ex-WSU president Sehai Orgad and several staff members who wanted to see him speak at the University.

Davila, who was a student and indigenous rights activist, became part of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez’s secret revolutionary group. He is still one of his most trusted political collaborators.

Media coverage flawed, claims education academic Andrew Neal

A new report that examines teacher education is politically motivated and has been misrepresented by the media, according to a top Waikato University Education academic.

“Really important themes within the document were not picked up by the media” said Brian Prestige, Associate Dean of Teacher Education of the Ministry of Education report.

Prestige also has doubts about the report itself due to the fact it came from a political process and “conspired by a particular purpose, rather than a review process,” The report made the front page of The New Zealand Herald on March 3 stating that a review of teacher training will go before Cabinet this month due to concerns raised in the report, and that a bill which would

add an extra year to teacher training will be considered.

perception that teaching standards are quite relaxed.

This statement was retracted in an eight line report the next day.

Broad generalisations in the report and news media about new teachers have given the public an impression that teacher training standards in New Zealand are relaxed, claims Prestige.

Prestige, who is familiar with the background of the report, says that the media were “picking out bits and pieces of the report and people mustn’t assume it’s the full story.”

The reported criticism of new teachers was rebutted by a group of student teachers from the University of Auckland, in an article printed in the Herald on 4 March.

Sweeping generalisations and results not based entirely on recent teaching graduates (such as teachers from overseas) from the report and the news media have reportedly created a

“The report needs to be viewed in context, such as teachers colleges becoming part of Universities and changes in 1998 where the standard teaching degree was reduced to three years from four,” Prestige concludes.

At the University of Waikato’s Department of Education, teaching is viewed as professional course, in the same way as doctors and teaching courses throughout New Zealand are constantly monitored by external authorities.

ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

9

News issue 02

New tertiary education minister just up the road

By Amy Joseph - Critic

Last November Dunedin North MP Pete Hodgson was named Tertiary Education Minister. He also picked up the portfolios for Research, Science and Technology and Economic Development.

Hodgson says that other governments around the have been moving to place these portfolios under the responsibility of one minister, to which he gives the umbrella term of “innovation minister.” “If the face of New Zealand continues to change, our economy changes – we will continue to have a pastural base, but with a lot more emphasis on IT, or on film, or on biotechnology or whatever – then of course we have to have good science and … a clever workforce, and that is what has brought those three portfolios together.”

Hodgson took over from previous Tertiary Education Minister Dr. Michael Cullen shortly after the results of the first funding round following last year’s Tertiary Education Reforms were announced (funding is now based on three-year plans agreed upon by the Tertiary Education Commission (TEC) and individual institutions). Despite concerns of an “eleventh hour” reduction in funds for the University of Otago, the University ultimately received the money they had wanted from an alternative funding stream. Hodgson says that around the country the transition to the new system went “smoothly enough” despite a few hiccups – the loudest at the Southern Institution of Technology (SIT).

Invercargill Mayor Tim Shadbolt was less than impressed when the TEC cut SIT’s funding by $6.2 million. He called the cut “a campaign to bring down our province” on National Radio, and retaliated by launching a campaign against the government while managing to conflate the issue with the controversial Electoral Finance Act, which passed into law at around the same time. Shadbolt claimed that the cuts – and the TEC’s drive to have institutions service their home region – will hurt SIT, which has been credited with bringing young workers to Southland.

He also argued that the cuts will affect the provision of SIT2Learn, the institute’s distance learning programme. Hodgson calls these claims “straightforwardly junk,” and says that SIT deliberately sought to double the number of students in SIT2Learn over 2007, despite clearly set out TEC goals. “SIT either didn’t get it, or chose not to get it.” He also says that SIT’s student numbers on the Southern Campus were actually dropping, contradicting Shadbolt’s claims that reduced funding will hurt their ability to bring people into the region. The TEC reduced funding to the Christchurch campus (due to duplication of courses offered by Christchurch-based institutions), held SIT2Learn funding steady, and increased funding for the Southland campus itself.

The SIT saga continued earlier this month, when the TEC announced additional funding of $6.3 million. Shadbolt claimed this as a victory, 10

ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

suggesting the TEC had caved to his activism. Hodgson says the money was actually a one-off grant that had been expected since before the first funding round. “It would have come much earlier, except for the fact that the two agencies couldn’t get their information sets together quickly enough…. It was probably the last polytechnic to get that amount of funding; all the other polytechnics have already [received] it.”

The money is to be used for developing courses for “in-region provision – for Southlanders, taught in Southland – and not for the SIT2Learn courses, which are spread throughout the country.”

Hodgson is also hinting at a shake-up to student finances in what many will be calling an election year bribe (but may be happy to receive).

Last month the New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA) released research showing that average student debt has increased 54 percent since 1994, and now sits at $28 838. This figure includes debt from private sources such as bank loans and credit cards. NZUSA says that this shows that not enough people have access to student allowances and are forced to borrow, and that the $150 per week living cost loan is insufficient, making students look to other lenders.

Hodgson seems to agree with them, although he thinks that there are other factors at play. “I think there are two things running: one is … that debt is [becoming] a normal part of society and banks promote it [to students] in order to secure good customers for life; the second is that the Government’s inaction in that area is part of it…. The figure of $150 for living costs has not risen, and students argue – I think validly – that unless they’re able to secure good income during the year and over the summer, then they have to go elsewhere to increase their debts.”

Hodgson sees several options available to improve student financial support: allow students to earn more while receiving the allowance; change parental income thresholds for the allowance; and / or alter the $150 currently paid for living costs under the loan scheme. He says students can expect at least some of these changes in the next Budget.

And what does Hodgson think of National’s student finance policies?

“They’re a joke,” Hodgson says of National’s about face on retaining interest free loans should they come to power in this year’s election, and their proposal to pay an additional ten percent on top of any voluntary loan repayments over $500. “The well-to-do will be benefited the most, [and] those who can put up five or ten [thousand] a year after graduation, and therefore get a discount, are going to be the very people who will be receiving financial advice which says ‘Don’t be crazy; stick it in a bank for 18 month and you’ve got your ten percent, stick it in there for three years and you’ve got twenty [percent]: Don’t be stupid.’ … It’s an economically illiterate policy.”

March 10 2008

Cheats never prosper, will get put on register instead

Williams also stated that the decision to introduce the register was made after a review of how comparable universities, in particular universities in Australia, handle cheating.

Auckland University students found to have engaged in academic misconduct will this year face the prospect of having their academic transgressions recorded on a University-wide register.

AUSA President David Do was supportive of the university move. “It helps target plagiarism and cheating, it helps to bring all the information together in one place, and I think it’s a broadly positive thing so that we know what’s going on,”

By Richard Bol

Misconduct includes: cutting and pasting off the internet, over-theshoulder exam copying, that sort of thing.

Previously, instances of academic misconduct were only catalogued at a

According to Do, many of the potential concerns with the scheme had been resolved. “Essentially every offence is judged purely on its own merit, so the register would only be consulted when a decision has been made of whether it’s a major or a minor offence.”

departmental level.

“If it’s deemed a minor offence, then that’s pretty much resolved at a departmental level. If it’s a major offence, then the register would be consulted for further information, and then [the offence] will be lodged,” Do continued.

The register – only accessible to senior members of the University administration – will be subject to a ‘clean slate’ rule, by which a cheating student’s record will be removed one year after they leave university.

Students are given the opportunity to see the statement lodged on the register, and they can put their own statement in if they disagree with the facts.

HOT STUDENT

MEMBERSHIP DEALS He keeps on coming!

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No. A landlord can only enter a flat after giving 48

Buy a 12 month student gym membership before 31 March 2008 and pay only

$210

Membership includes one exercise consultation

hours notice and no more often than 4 weekly. If the landlord is slow on necessary repairs, talk to the Tenancy Tribunal (ph 0800 836262).

www.reccentre.co.nz

student special

“The register will enable the University to determine the extent of such misconduct and to apply appropriate penalties in the case of students who offend repeatedly,” says University spokesman Bill Williams.

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions.

Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 838 4466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB.

ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

11

News issue 02

Digging yourself into debt: A good idea, apparently

Dig your loan away

By Andrew Neal

A Canterbury University graduate has found a fast-track way of paying off his student loan and is sharing his experience with others.

“There is a currently a mining boom in Australia. There is also a skills shortage to supply the new mines that are opening faster than they can be catered for,” said Smith.

experiences applying the old adage “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know”

in Western Australia, says he paid off his student loan in just over 24 weeks armed only with a Bachelor of Communications – and a willingness to go digging.

Having your accommodation and food paid for by the company is also a big help, Smith said, but he warns people looking to save money to stay away from the pubs.

getajobinthemines.com, a job within five minutes.

He has written a guide book about his experiences and is selling them online to help other students get ahead in the Australian mining industry.

He added that it isn’t easy to get into the mining industry without a trade or any experience, which he learnt from his own

Ross Smith, who went to work as a miner

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ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

This became the reason for creating the guide, which secured one person on Smith’s website;

Smith, who graduated in 2005 is now in Sweden on his O.E.

March 10 2008

Dirtbombs land in Hamilton

By Matt Scheurich

They will be playing at Yellow Submarine on Thursday 13 March, alongside ex-Waikato rock ‘n’ roller chaps The Datsuns and ex-pat Kiwi Darryn Harkness’ The New Telepathics at 9pm.

Dirtbombs

Mick Collins is just like your regular average guy, except he made a band that has two bassists and two drummers in it called The Dirtbombs.

Hailing from Detroit, USA, they play music that is best summed up with the line “Punk rock ‘n’ soul.” It’s rather catchy and clever stuff.

Mr. Collins has been playing in rock ‘n’ roll bands for over 25 years and he actually started up The Dirtbombs as a casual side project, initially to release 7” singles and that’s about it.

Their first album release “Horndog Fest” was quite a hit and the media started labelling the Dirtbombs as the flag bearers of the Detroit rock revival.

concentrating on releasing catchy singles for people to dance to.

“We Have you Surrounded” is their fourth studio album; the theme relates to urban paranoia, particularly in America.

Over the 15 years they’ve been a’rockin’ and a’reelin’, they’ve gained quite a good reputation for an exciting and unpredictable live show with antics involving a wanton abandon for staying true to set lists and impromptu unrehearsed covers, among other things.

The Dirtbombs have been banging around for roughly 15 years now and they’re still

Tickets are available at CDs4Nix and door sales will probably be available (be sure to get your ticket just in case).

Broadband still not up to speed Internet’s too slow, New Zealanders mourn We’re still waiting for our porn

Feels the pain – might be Time to cut down on cocaine

Haiku News

By Drummond-san Height increases melanoma risk: study It’s not fun Cancer risk increases The closer you are to the sun Auckland now a buyers’ market - real estate agency Auckland’s all cheap now – Oh, it’s fine Houses going for $9.99

Microsoft asks developers ‘bet on us’ Programme has performed Illegal operation…

Shouldn’t bet on them Lily Allen being treated for depression Nasty-pop singer

Deficit won’t stop tax cuts - Cullen “We’ve spent all of your money,” Cullen boasts “Have some back – enough for a roast.”

Sentence too tough says NZ’s biggest benefit fraudster “Prison’s too hard!”

Moans dole fraudster “Let me out – I’ll give you a dollar.”

ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

13

Txts to the Editor!

Letters policy:

(Oh yeah, almost forgot: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Busted-type situations to 021 235 8436. Do it.)

waikato.ac.nz

Nexus now has an all-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via txt - to 021 235 8436. They can be about anything – but if it’s something in the magazine, so much the better.

We’ll print the best ones, so get txting!

Upset with O’week gigs (educated version) Dear Editor, In the first issue of the new Mammoth gig guide last week the lead guitarist of The Datsuns is asked if the band has any preferences with regard supporting acts during their current New Zealand tour. Christian replies unequivocally that their first choice would be local legends the Mobile Stud Unit, an outfit which has had a long association with his group. Christian himself produced the last MSU album and for many years before The Datsuns made it on the international scene they often supported at Mobile Stud Unit gigs.

Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received

by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to nexus@

MSU don’t need The Datsuns to promote them anymore than The Datsuns need MSU. As your new music editor, Mr Watkins, notes in his review of this year’s Jig on Sunday, the Mobile Stud Unit are not for all tastes. Yet there was a compelling logic for them to play that particular night and it is a crying shame that those who had the authority to make it happen lacked the imagination to do so.

Yours, Richard Swainson

Upset with O’Week gigs (attempt at humour version) Dear Ed,

To have had MSU on the Orientation bill in 2008, playing on campus, would have had special significance for both the band and its large fan base. MSU had its genesis fifteen years earlier at the same event and location.

An important milestone not only for the group but in terms of university and Hamilton cultural history could have been marked in some style.

All of these facts were presented to the WSU organiser of O Week both in the weeks leading up to the gig and on its eve, when The Datsuns themselves expressed some dismay at a covers band that had been booked to support them. MSU displayed some grace in making themselves available at the last moment, but they were again rebuffed. Out of ignorance, incompetence or nepotism an opportunity was lost.

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ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

It looks like the WSU made a big ballsup of orientation, once again. What, the WSU made a ballsup of something? How could this be happening?! Black is white, up is down! The WSU have always been so good at not cocking very basic things up! What has changed?!

Oh, that’s right, there’s nothing different about this. They freaked out that there weren’t enough ticket sales for Supergroove and The Datsuns but instead of deciding to do a bunch of free giveaways (which ZM could have facilitated as they were here on campus annihilating our eardrums with their shite music and ridiculous attempts at pithy social commentary) they decided to just make the whole gig free and give thousands of dollars of refunds back to the students. Which is all well and good from the students perspective.

But how does that affect the WSU budget for the year? Don’t they count on income from orientation? If they’re already cutting into the budget then down the track does that mean that student services and groups are going to suffer the consequences?

I don’t know what they expected really. The Datsuns made it pretty clear in that article in Mammoth mag that they wanted to play with the Mobile Stud Unit, but the inept events coordinator seems determined to cock stuff up all over the place. MSU would have been great.

Their attempt at being cheap and giving the WSU manager’s band a chance to bask in the reflected (albeit fading) glory of The Datsuns backfired on them quite badly and then they ended up losing all their money anyway.

I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. Of course we expect lots more fuck-ups from the union this year, because that’s what they do so well. I will start a tally now.

Great.

I love you, Darryl Smythe (abridged)

Where’s Kahu Now? Is that kahu nikora guy still around? I really miss reading his letters. They were the only intelligence letters nexus ever got. I hope he sees this alot. love, Kahu Fan

Recycle or die Dear Nexus, It really really really sucks that so many of us lazy-arsed students seem to have forgotten about recycling. Sure there’s only like one recycling bin on campus but surely it isn’t that hard to have some initiative and take our coke bottles home to recycle them. Of course, not everything can be blamed on us thoughtless students. Why the hell aren’t all those supposed intellectual who run this crap shack doing something about it?

I’m sure that anyone with half a brain knows that this planet is in a right state and that we can’t sit around on our arses any longer. Jesus do we need to pull our fingers out!

Thanks RM

Poo Smell. Yup, it’s still here.

Whys there still a poo smell down by the Oranga building? It was here when I was here last year and its still here now. Why doesn’t the uni do something about it? Its putting people off studying here. Im leaving if they don’t fix it. I’m a management student and they should be able to manage these things with all the of management student around.

Managing shit is our job.

Sincerely, Management Man

A Nexus Personals Section?

Hi Nexus The other day I put a notice in the notices as a joke. I said “Apply to be my girlfriend,” and put a whole lot of crap and my mate’s phone number. This is what the notice said: Apply to be my girlfriend!

Applicants should be smart, pretty, have a sense of humour and be non-fattening. She must enjoy cuddling to DVDs and be prepared to experiement in the Art of the Shag. I am a good, keen, handsome man – what more could you want? 027 6992022, anytime.

So anyway, I think, haha, he’s going to get the piss taken in a big way.

Imagine how surprised I was when he told me that it resulted in bulk texts from girls interested in the Art of his Shag, and he’d already taken advantage of an offer or two.

Now I am embarrassed and regretting not putting my own number in the Nexus. But I thought I should write this letter to let everyone know that putting ads in the notices really works. Especially when it is a personal ad offering the chance to get a little get some jiggy jiggy. Either that or Waikato girls are easy.

Yours, Quagmire

Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

15

By Michael Forde

Former Nexus columnist Michael Forde spends some of his post-graduation time in Cuba, the “last real Communist country in the world.” Does it live up to the revolutionary dream?

Day 1 We arrive in Cuba after a back-breaking, 32 hour voyage from The Dominican Republic. The night was stormy, and one engine and some of the electronic navigation gave out as we were going past Haiti in the dark. According to everyone we met, you never enter Haiti at night, as – being one of the poorest countries in the world - people will come on board and take everything.

The first possible port in Cuba was a place called Baracoa. From a distance the place seemed to be a bunch of style apartments, with a narrow harbour entry. We made our way in, and parked the boat behind a shipwrecked container ship, which sheltered us from the swell entering the bay. A man in an army uniform and his assistants were ferried out to the boat by fishermen in tiny diesel powered skiffs, and gave the boat a brief search.

We sat out on the boat for the rest of the day, as we were very tired, and we were not allowed to go ashore until we had gone to an international port and checked in. The harbour is quite beautiful, the hills are covered with coconut palms, the larger, straighter kind, and the mountains in the background are misty.

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ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

Day 2 We are anchored near the “Navy” wharf. The navy seems to be a conglomeration of coast guard, immigration and navy. Cadets play soccer on the wharf, piss off it, get haircuts, go swimming. They don’t actually seem to do a hell of a lot.

During the morning we arrange to purchase some diesel, and later in the day they bring it to us - having travelled 20km in a taxi to the nearest petrol station with big drums. We move the boat closer to the wharf, but there is a bit of a swell, and six guys look on as the boat crashes into the concrete wharf. It goes to show that when you are boating you can’t rely on anyone else. The boat is OK, as the damage is pretty superficial.

Day 3 We leave early for a place called Tanamo. The Cuba Sailing guidebook says that we may not be able to enter, as the Guardia are fussy.

After about eight hours sailing we reach the entrance to the bay. It’s very calm and beautiful, reminds me of lake Waikaremoana.

A few small shacks are dotted around the shore. We look for the guardia, but all we can see is a gutted watch tower, an old rusted

concrete wharf and a couple of sunken ships.

The book is about eight years old now, so I guess a lot can happen in eight years here.

A fisherman and his young son see us, and call us over to the wharf, indicating we can lash ourselves off there. The guy looks like Manuel from Faulty Towers on steroids. You couldn’t get that physique from a gym, only from rowing a small dinghy all day long. He sees our broken wooden/metal band, and indicates he can fix it. He rushes off at full pace, to return with a wooden stake that is flexible, yet hard.

A small group of locals begin to gather. They marvel at the boat - a 40ft trawler. In New Zealand it would be considerad a nice old boat that needs a bit of work. The fact that it has 2 bedrooms, lights, a fridge and a stove is amazing to them. It must look like a palace.

Before long the boat is fixed, and with a bit of bog and fibreglass, it won’t look much different. We give the guy some beers, some fishhooks, soap and $5 US. The fishhooks are prized here, as like most other things they are hard to get.

My father goes to his house for some coffee.

He comes back and tells me the place was

By Michael Forde masses of hungry mosquitoes that live in this climate.

Day 1 We arrive in Cuba after a back-breaking, 32 hour voyage from The Dominican Republic.

The night was stormy, and one engine and some of the electronic navigation gave out as we were going past Haiti in the dark.

According to everyone we met, you never enter Haiti at night, as – being one of the poorest countries in the world - people will come on board and take everything.

The first possible port in Cuba was a place called Baracoa. From a distance the place seemed to be a bunch of style apartments, with a narrow harbour entry. We made our way in, and parked the boat behind a shipwrecked container ship, which sheltered us from the swell entering the bay. A man in an army uniform and his assistants were ferried out to the boat by fishermen in tiny diesel powered skiffs, and gave the boat a brief search.

We sat out on the boat for the rest of the day, as we were very tired, and we were not allowed to go ashore until we had gone to an international port and checked in.

The harbour is quite beautiful, the hills are covered with coconut palms, the larger, straighter kind, and the mountains in the background are misty.

16

ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

Day 2 We are anchored near the “Navy” wharf. The navy seems to be a conglomeration of coast guard, immigration and navy. Cadets play soccer on the wharf, piss off it, get haircuts, go swimming. They don’t actually seem to do a hell of a lot.

During the morning we arrange to purchase some diesel, and later in the day they bring it to us - having travelled 20km in a taxi to the nearest petrol station with big drums. We move the boat closer to the wharf, but there is a bit of a swell, and six guys look on as the boat crashes into the concrete wharf. It goes to show that when you are boating you can’t rely on anyone else. The boat is OK, as the damage is pretty superficial.

Day 3 We leave early for a place called Tanamo. The Cuba Sailing guidebook says that we may not be able to enter, as the Guardia are fussy.

After about eight hours sailing we reach the entrance to the bay. It’s very calm and beautiful, reminds me of lake Waikaremoana.

A few small shacks are dotted around the shore. We look for the guardia, but all we can see is a gutted watch tower, an old rusted concrete wharf and a couple of sunken ships.

The book is about eight years old now, so I guess a lot can happen in eight years here.

A fisherman and his young son see us, and call us over to the wharf, indicating we can lash ourselves off there. The guy looks like Manuel from Faulty Towers on steroids. You couldn’t get that physique from a gym, only from rowing a small dinghy all day long. He sees our broken wooden/metal band, and indicates he can fix it. He rushes off at full pace, to return with a wooden stake that is flexible, yet hard. A small group of locals begin to gather. They marvel at the boat - a 40ft trawler. In New Zealand it would be considerad a nice old boat that needs a bit of work. The fact that it has 2 bedrooms, lights, a fridge and a stove is amazing to them. It must look like a palace.

Before long the boat is fixed, and with a bit of bog and fibreglass, it won’t look much different. We give the guy some beers, some fishhooks, soap and $5 US. The fishhooks are prized here, as like most other things they are hard to get.

My father goes to his house for some coffee.

He comes back and tells me the place was about as simple as you can get - a shack with dirt floors, hammocks and a small wooden fireplace outside.

We sleep troubled by the mosquitoes. That’s what you don’t see on the brochures - the

Day 4 We get up early again, set for another eight hours on the water. That seems to be about the average, except for the few days when we have jumped from Puerto Rico to the Dominican Republic, and then the Dominican Republic to Cuba. The fisherman arrives at our boat with two lobster and a huge fish, from which we cut about 2-3kg of fillet.

We go to his house for a picture with him and his wife. They live in a house that looks lucky to be standing - the walls are propped up with sticks, and an aluminium pot that is pitch black on the outside bubbles away over burning wood.

He waves goodbye to us, and we head onwards, up to a place called Vita, where we can check in.

We get there in the afternoon, and are greeted by four army men, three dogs, a doctor and a vet. They want us to give them the exact same information we gave the last guys, then they search the boat, though not the engine room. I mention that we have an engine room. One of the men looks surprised, and asks that I show him. The engines are still hot when I open up the trap door that is under the main room, which is the lounge/ kitchen. He commands the dog to go in. It whimpers and sits on the floor, so he closes the trapdoor – never mind the ton of cocaine, weapons and contraband pornography that

we are hiding under there. The dogs go wild over a cushion that they find in a mouldy old cupboard, so they lay out all our lifejackets and cushions, and find nothing. The whole process takes about three hours.

Day 5 After a night of air-conditioned comfort, due to the power at the dock enabling our aircon to work, I walked around the marina. It was a rather sad affair, with various old looking buildings, and staff languishing around. We were the only people staying in the marina, yet the bar was open all day.

“We decide to celebrate our new-found freedom by renting a car, and going into a small local town called Moron” I am called over by a lady who runs the place.

She is happy to talk, and tells me various things about Cuba – about how the average person earns 10 Cuban Convertable Pesos a month, which is about $12 US dollars, how even a doctor will only earn about $15US, and how now tourism is the most lucrative earner in the country.

The marina has a store with 6 shelves. It looks like a boutique store, except it sells cheap rum, cheap soda, and tuna in huge 1kg cans.

Day 6 We get up early, are searched again by a dog, and then leave to travel to a small bay called Manzania. A man in uniform comes out in a leaky fishing boat, and three sailors hold their boat steady, gripping onto our guard rail around the boat, as the man asks for the same information yet again, and dutifully writes it down.

Day 7 I get up early to go into town to do my washing. I talk to some fishermen, and ask them where I could get it done. A guy leads me to a house nearby, where I trade the lady two bars of scented soap and 150ml of washing liquid for getting my clothes washed. I wander around the town. It looks tired, but the houses have a rustic charm.

Day 10 The boat requires a lot of work, as it has a tendency to stop. As it gets dark, we approach a place called Caya Coco. We try to enter the harbour, but the coastguard tells us to keep going. We tell him it’s dangerous, but he tells us to go to the marina up the road. He says 12 miles, but it is about 22 on our GPS. He sounds like he doesn’t want to be bothered with gringos and their goddamn boats.

We carry on up the coast to the marina. We look for the buoy that signals the entrance of the harbour. We call the lady at the marina.

She tells us to come towards the bridge. Our depth gauge is reading 5 feet. We ask her again where the buoy is. It’s there, she tells

ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

17

about as simple as you can get - a shack with dirt floors, hammocks and a small wooden fireplace outside.

We sleep troubled by the mosquitoes. That’s what you don’t see on the brochures - the masses of hungry mosquitoes that live in this climate.

Day 4 We get up early again, set for another eight hours on the water. That seems to be about the average, except for the few days when we have jumped from Puerto Rico to the Dominican Republic, and then the Dominican Republic to Cuba. The fisherman arrives at our boat with two lobster and a huge fish, from which we cut about 2-3kg of fillet.

We go to his house for a picture with him and his wife. They live in a house that looks lucky to be standing - the walls are propped up with sticks, and an aluminium pot that is pitch black on the outside bubbles away over burning wood.

He waves goodbye to us, and we head onwards, up to a place called Vita, where we can check in.

We get there in the afternoon, and are greeted by four army men, three dogs, a doctor and a vet. They want us to give them the exact same information we gave the last guys, then they search the boat, though not the engine room. I mention that we have an engine room. One of

the men looks surprised, and asks that I show him. The engines are still hot when I open up the trap door that is under the main room, which is the lounge/kitchen. He commands the dog to go in. It whimpers and sits on the floor, so he closes the trapdoor – never mind the ton of cocaine, weapons and contraband pornography that we are hiding under there.

The dogs go wild over a cushion that they find in a mouldy old cupboard, so they lay out all our lifejackets and cushions, and find nothing.

The whole process takes about three hours.

“We decide to celebrate our new-found freedom by renting a car, and going into a small local town called Moron” Day 5 After a night of air-conditioned comfort, due to the power at the dock enabling our aircon to work, I walked around the marina. It was a rather sad affair, with various old looking buildings, and staff languishing around. We were the only people staying in the marina, yet the bar was open all day.

I am called over by a lady who runs the place.

She is happy to talk, and tells me various things about Cuba – about how the average person earns 10 Cuban Convertable Pesos a month,

which is about $12 US dollars, how even a doctor will only earn about $15US, and how now tourism is the most lucrative earner in the country.

The marina has a store with 6 shelves. It looks like a boutique store, except it sells cheap rum, cheap soda, and tuna in huge 1kg cans.

Day 6 We get up early, are searched again by a dog, and then leave to travel to a small bay called Manzania. A man in uniform comes out in a leaky fishing boat, and three sailors hold their boat steady, gripping onto our guard rail around the boat, as the man asks for the same information yet again, and dutifully writes it down.

Day 7 I get up early to go into town to do my washing. I talk to some fishermen, and ask them where I could get it done. A guy leads me to a house nearby, where I trade the lady two bars of scented soap and 150ml of washing liquid for getting my clothes washed. I wander around the town. It looks tired, but the houses have a rustic charm.

Day 10 The boat requires a lot of work, as it has a tendency to stop. As it gets dark, we approach a place called Caya Coco. We try to enter the harbour, but the coastguard tells us to keep going. We tell him it’s dangerous, but he tells us to go to the marina up the road. He says 12

ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

17

Movies are 10 NZ cents.

An icecream is 10 NZ cents. It’s not all bad, this communism jaunt.

miles, but it is about 22 on our GPS. He sounds like he doesn’t want to be bothered with gringos and their goddamn boats.

We carry on up the coast to the marina. We look for the buoy that signals the entrance of the harbour. We call the lady at the marina.

She tells us to come towards the bridge. Our depth gauge is reading 5 feet. We ask her again where the buoy is. It’s there, she tells us, we should be on it. “Come towards the bridge,” she says. We ask her if she can see our boat. “No,” she says, “but you are okay, just come towards the bridge.”

We ask her if she can send a boat out. No, she says, she can’t. The depth gauge reads 0 feet.

The boat stops. We are stuck in mud.

We go ashore. The coastguard will not help us, as we are not in immediate danger. They suggest we hire an expensive tug boat from Havana. The lady at the marina seems to be more interested in talking to her boyfriend on the phone, “Te amo, te amo, mi amore, mi amore.” The lady tells us that it’s our fault, and that we should have just anchored out in the harbour if we were worried. I am pretty angry, but in retrospect, she is right – when you’re sailing, you need to rely on yourself, and not people who give you advice from a windowless, converted shipping container which has buildings and trees between itself and the sea.

Day 11 We sleep out on the mud bank. At low tide, there is almost no water around us. A couple of guys come out to have a look at the boat, and suggest might be able to get it out of the mud. One of them stands on a lobster in the now one- foot-deep water that our boat sits in, grabs it and throws it on our boat. Lunch is sorted.

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ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

Movies are 10 NZ cents.

An icecream is 10 NZ cents. It’s not all bad, this communism jaunt.

us, we should be on it. “Come towards the bridge,” she says. We ask her if she can see our boat. “No,” she says, “but you are okay, just come towards the bridge.”

We ask her if she can send a boat out. No, she says, she can’t. The depth gauge reads 0 feet.

The boat stops. We are stuck in mud.

We go ashore. The coastguard will not help us, as we are not in immediate danger. They suggest we hire an expensive tug boat from Havana. The lady at the marina seems to be more interested in talking to her boyfriend on the phone, “Te amo, te amo, mi amore, mi amore.” The lady tells us that it’s our fault, and that we should have just anchored out in the harbour if we were worried. I am pretty angry, but in retrospect, she is right – when you’re sailing, you need to rely on yourself, and not people who give you advice from a windowless, converted shipping container which has buildings and trees between itself and the sea.

Day 11 We sleep out on the mud bank. At low tide, there is almost no water around us. A couple of guys come out to have a look at the boat, and suggest might be able to get it out of the mud. One of them stands on a lobster in the now one- foot-deep water that our boat sits in, grabs it and throws it on our boat. Lunch is sorted.

The boat is relatively safe, as it is in very soft mud, which won’t damage it.

A boat makes its way out to us. On board are 11 people and two dogs. They fail in their first attempt to get to us, as it is so shallow, but makes it on the second attempt. The coastguard will not help us, but will come out

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ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

to do the paperwork and search our boat for cocaine.

They ask if they can cut the pillow open. We agree. They cut the pillow open. I think it is made of hemp or something. They collect the small pieces of twigs and branches. I laugh – you would be hard pressed to get high, even if it was marijuana, with the small pieces they find after raking through the contents of the entire pillow. They take the pieces off for

room is rented. The guy we are staying with is Carlos, and he looks just like a mafioso - walks around with no shirt in shorts, hairy back, big gold chain round his neck. I talk to him about Castro, and the Economy. Dad

We pick up cleaners, doctors, and even a couple of policemen who we take some 400km.

walks in. The guy smiles at Dad and shrugs his shoulders, as if to say “Hey, Mr, your kid is busting my balls, but whaddaya gonna do!”

masses and masses of Cuban hitchhikers and dudes trying to sell cheese. It suddenly terminates into a suburban street, no fanfare or anything. One minute highway, next minute grotty backstreet. It is hard to tell Havana is coming up, as there is very little light pollution. (This is because there are so few lights.)

analysis.

We wander around the town. Movies are 10 NZ cents. An icecream is 10 NZ cents. It’s not all bad, this communism jaunt.

At night, Dad rigs up some anchors on long ropes, and we pull ourselves free as the tide comes in. We ask them to send someone out to help us in this time, because we are fucking champions, and will not be denied.

An army boat driven by hooting teenagers with rifles guides us in, and we take our rightful place on the dock.

We check out an indigenous art exhibition.

It is so sad, all these people, with their ways and lives, their families, all wiped out by some asshole who saw them as animals to be subjugated as slaves. Read up on Columbus – the guy was a hell of an arsehole. His real name is Cristobal Colon. The whole Carribean history, no matter what island, goes like this:

Day 12 We decide to celebrate our new-found freedom by renting a car, and going into a small local town called Moron. Apparently it has a different meaning in Spanish.

1. Columbus arrives, and proclaims the island the most beautiful place he has ever seen 2. He immediately enslaves the local indigenous people 3. The indigenous people die from disease, murder and overwork 4. Many black slaves are brought in from Africa to replace the dead indigenous ones 5. Heaps of tourists come and drink cocktails.

When I say local, I really mean a two hour ride, which the workers at the hotel take every day, twice a day, because in Cuba, working in hospitality is where the money is at. A mechanical engineer, with the very same job as my father, tells us, as he fills in our car rental forms, and shuttles us from the marina to the car we are going to rent, that he makes 10 times more money in this pitiful job that in his old job as an engineer.

We are stopped at a check point, and searched by a man and his dog.

We get into Moron, and arrange a Casa Particular. This is a private home in which a

We go back to the house. Carlos tells me about Cuba. Carlos is well off, but he still likes Castro, and thinks he is a great man.

Day 15 With the cold front on the way, we decide to go to Havana for a few days. We rent a car, and decide to pick up hitchhikers. Because a person would have to work for about four months to fill up a tank, they tend to hitchhike.

The highway is a joke, 500km of pot holes,

We pick up a few hitchhikers in the city too, on the way to the hotel. We get a nurse who looks like a prostitute, and then a prostitute who looks like a prostitute.

Day 17 The street in front of the hotel is nice, with a central raised area for pedestrians only, and black marble lions on each corner. I walk one street back, and suddenly I am in the real Havana. There are buildings that may be several hundred years old falling into disrepair, or totally collapsed. It looks like a European city in the 1700’s that is in the middle of a war. The doors are huge and grand, and Romanesque pillars are everywhere. This country looks like it was very, very rich several hundred years ago, and then, suddenly, the money ran out. People are wandering everywhere, going to work and school.

I have seen only one piece of advertising for products in Cuba - some kind of icecream bar – but all the rest are big government posters and wall paintings, “Patriotism or Death!”, “Always until Victory!”, “Revolution or Death!”, “Patriotism is Life!” A little grim.

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The boat is relatively safe, as it is in very soft mud, which won’t damage it.

times more money in this pitiful job that in his old job as an engineer.

A boat makes its way out to us. On board are 11 people and two dogs. They fail in their first attempt to get to us, as it is so shallow, but makes it on the second attempt. The coastguard will not help us, but will come out to do the paperwork and search our boat for cocaine.

We are stopped at a check point, and searched by a man and his dog.

They ask if they can cut the pillow open. We agree. They cut the pillow open. I think it is made of hemp or something. They collect the small pieces of twigs and branches. I laugh – you would be hard pressed to get high, even if it was marijuana, with the small pieces they find after raking through the contents of the entire pillow. They take the pieces off for analysis.

We get into Moron, and arrange a Casa Particular. This is a private home in which a room is rented. The guy we are staying with is Carlos, and he looks just like a mafioso - walks around with no shirt in shorts, hairy back, big gold chain round his neck. I talk to him about Castro, and the Economy. Dad walks in. The guy smiles at Dad and shrugs his shoulders, as if to say “Hey, Mr, your kid is busting my balls, but whaddaya gonna do!”

We wander around the town. Movies are 10 NZ cents. An icecream is 10 NZ cents. It’s not all bad, this communism jaunt.

At night, Dad rigs up some anchors on long ropes, and we pull ourselves free as the tide comes in. We ask them to send someone out to help us in this time, because we are fucking champions, and will not be denied. An army boat driven by hooting teenagers with rifles guides us in, and we take our rightful place on the dock.

We check out an indigenous art exhibition.

It is so sad, all these people, with their ways and lives, their families, all wiped out by some asshole who saw them as animals to be subjugated as slaves. Read up on Columbus – the guy was a hell of an arsehole. His real name is Cristobal Colon. The whole Carribean history, no matter what island, goes like this:

Day 12 We decide to celebrate our new-found freedom by renting a car, and going into a small local town called Moron. Apparently it has a different meaning in Spanish.

1. Columbus arrives, and proclaims the island the most beautiful place he has ever seen 2. He immediately enslaves the local indigenous people 3. The indigenous people die from disease, murder and overwork 4. Many black slaves are brought in from Africa to replace the dead indigenous ones 5. Heaps of tourists come and drink cocktails.

When I say local, I really mean a two hour ride, which the workers at the hotel take every day, twice a day, because in Cuba, working in hospitality is where the money is at. A mechanical engineer, with the very same job as my father, tells us, as he fills in our car rental forms, and shuttles us from the marina to the car we are going to rent, that he makes 10

We go back to the house. Carlos tells me about Cuba. Carlos is well off, but he still likes Castro, and thinks he is a great man.

Day 15 With the cold front on the way, we decide to go to Havana for a few days. We rent a car, and decide to pick up hitchhikers. Because a person would have to work for about four months to fill up a tank, they tend to hitchhike.

We pick up cleaners, doctors, and even a couple of policemen who we take some 400km.

The highway is a joke, 500km of pot holes, masses and masses of Cuban hitchhikers and dudes trying to sell cheese. It suddenly terminates into a suburban street, no fanfare or anything. One minute highway, next minute grotty backstreet. It is hard to tell Havana is coming up, as there is very little light pollution.

(This is because there are so few lights.)

We pick up a few hitchhikers in the city too, on the way to the hotel. We get a nurse who looks like a prostitute, and then a prostitute who looks like a prostitute.

Day 17 The street in front of the hotel is nice, with a central raised area for pedestrians only, and black marble lions on each corner. I walk one street back, and suddenly I am in the real Havana. There are buildings that may be several hundred years old falling into disrepair, or totally collapsed. It looks like a European city in the 1700’s that is in the middle of a war. The doors are huge and grand, and Romanesque pillars are everywhere. This country looks like it was very, very rich several hundred years ago, and then, suddenly, the money ran out. People are wandering everywhere, going to work and school.

I have seen only one piece of advertising for products in Cuba - some kind of icecream bar – but all the rest are big government posters and wall paintings, “Patriotism or Death!”,

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We meet an expat sailor, a real wheeler-dealer cockney type from Blighty. I ask him what there is to do here, and he says “Chicas. Chicas chicas chicas.”

The whole process takes two and a half hours, which seems ridiculous considering that this was the fifth time that we had been searched, and that a total of 10 dogs had now had a sniff around, uncovering nothing more than a pillow that may or may not have been stuffed with hemp.

Day 19 One thing I like about this country is the lack of contempt people have for each other. People greet on the street in an open an open, unguarded way, and they genuinely seem to enjoy talking with each other, which seems to take up a lot of their time. It’s the perfect country for a young man to tour - cheap food, though not gourmet, beautiful sensuous women who lean close and touch you on the shoulder speaking passionately to you in Spanish when you only asked for directions, men who are friendly and like to help you out, or shoot the breeze, warm sun and warm water. People sit out in parks at night, in the dark, talking and drinking, and this does not alarm local residents into calling the police.

Day 20 - 31st November We leave the marina, and after a gentle overnight voyage of 21 hours or so, we arrive in Varadero to be greeted by the local captain of the coast guard and his entourage of some 10 other people, and of course, two dogs. Varadero is the tourist capital of Cuba, where the government allows foreigners to come and spend their money, to fund the ever turning revolution.

• Cuba is the most populated nation in the Carribean with a population of over 11 million.

Its principal export is sugar.

• It’s dubbed the last “real” Communist country in the world – but over 2 million tourists visit each year, and the country is dependent on tourist trade for survival. Visitors come mostly from Canada and Europe. US citizens can’t legally visit.

• The “Special Period,” began in 1994 as a direct result of the 1991 demise of the Soviet

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After this was all over, we pulled up to our final mooring, and met an expat sailor, a real wheeler-dealer cockney type from Blighty. I ask him what there is to do here, and he says “Chicas. Chicas chicas chicas.”

It turns out that this red-nosed man, who is pushing 60, hires 17-21 year old prostitutes, and then stays in what is called a “Casa Particular”, a private dwelling in which a room (often air conditioned) is rented out to foreigners, in this case, one owned by a doctor he knows. This casa particular usually goes for about $20, upon which was added another $20 for the services of a nubile young local girl for the period of about 12 hours or so. This is seemingly the retirement plan of some men living out their later years drinking rum and banging teenagers. Probably more fun than bridge club on Wednesday and pottering around in the garden, I guess.

Day 23 After the two hour farewell search, we head off in near perfect conditions at 4pm, and after an overnight sail we arrive in America the next day at about 8am, and dodge heaps of lobster pots to arrive safely in port.

Goodbye Cuba, you funny old country, with your friendly folk, bureaucracy, hot chicas and thorough searches.

Union, which had subsidised the Cuban economy. It saw the near-collapse of the Cuban nation, which had survived 30 years of sanctions from the United States. It forced Cuba to legalise the US dollar and turn to tourists for survival.

attempts have included “an exploding cigar, a fungal-infected scuba-diving suit, and a mafia-style shooting.” Castro has been quoted as saying, “If surviving assassination attempts were an Olympic event, I would win the gold medal.”

• Former leader Fidel Castro served as El Comandantefor 48 years, from the Revolution in 1959 until stepping down in 2008. He has survived an estimated 638 assassination attempts by various parties, including the CIA. According to the omnipotent Wikipedia, these

• Cuban prostitutes are dubbed “Jineteras,” which translates into English as “Jockeys.”

See if you can figure out why. Prostitution is technically illegal in Cuba, but a man-friend giving gifts to a girl-friend, where sex is an expected part of the relationship, is not.

Burgerfuel Burgerf Burger fuel h hamilton amilton 213 Victoria s street, treet, h hamilton amilton Phone: 838 2400

Because life’s too short

to eat Bad Burgers! www.burgerfuel.co.nz

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Ground Floor, Student Union Building University of Waikato PHONE: 07 856 9139 OPEN: 8:30 AM to 4:30 PM (MON- FRI)

VP Maori Overview Ben Delaney The question I’ve been asked most often this week is “how come Supergroove and the Datsuns were free?” There’s a lot of speculation out there and so I thought I’d set the record straight.

The concerts were put on as part of O Week because we love you and we wanted you to have a great start to your year. We knew that if you were going to go to one of these concerts outside of O Week the cost would be much higher, so we set student friendly prices that would

Te Mana Akonga

cover the cost of the bands and set up and make a small profit so that we could put on other cool events throughout the year. This was the plan and we thought it was good.

Te Mana Âkonga is our National Mâori Tertiary Student Body. The WSU has two seats on this body and recent activities include assisting in organisational restructuring.

However, you guys and girls didn’t buy tickets (thanks to the handful of people who did). With one day to go we had a hard decision to make.

1) Cancel the concerts – not an option because we’d already committed to the bands and infrastructure.

2) Reduce the price – possible but not probable. We still didn’t know if you would buy tickets at a reduced price at such short notice.

3) Make the concerts free – this meant that we would make a loss off O Week activities (which was scary) however since the funds were already committed we decided that it was better to get as many students as possible to enjoy the bands since it is your money that paid for it.

NZUSA The New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA) is a federation of student associations and the largest student body in the country. NZUSA advocates for the common and collective concerns of students. As full members, WSU help with the governance of the organisation through conference attendance and participation of our presidents on the executive group.

Obviously you know which option we took. Feedback ranged from “it was freakin awesome” to “how come we don’t do this on the village green every year?” Judging from the 1500 odd people at Supergroove and the 400-ish people at the Datsuns, we reckon you all had fun. What does this mean for the rest of the year? Well, the budget is going to be tight. We are still committed to giving you the best year on campus, it just means we’re going to have to be more creative about what we do. At the end of the day, we do what we do for you. If you aren’t participating then we need to know why.

Question of the week: Why didn’t you buy a ticket to either of the O week concerts?

I’m not trying to make you feel bad; we seriously want to know what could have been done differently. Email ideas to president@ wsu.org.nz, or send a letter to Nexus at nexus@waikato.ac.nz

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Tena Koutou As your Students’ Union we represent you in a number of arena’s via different organisations. This column is dedicated to give you an idea of which ones we belong to as members and how they help you the students.

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TWFG The Tertiary Women’s Focus Group is the women’s caucus of the New Zealand Union of Students Associations. It is a collective of past and present women on student’s association executives from tertiary institutions around the country who set women’s policy and run women focused campaigns and events such as No Diet Day, and Thursdays in Black.

USNZ USNZ is the governing body for University Sport in New Zealand. USNZ has all 10 Universities campuses as members, representing more than 140,000 students.

Achieve ACHIEVE is a national network established to ensure equal opportunity and access to post-secondary education and training for people with impairments.

Anyway whanau, all of the above are there to fight for your rights on a national level. So please feel free to contact us if you wish to find out more or want us to contact them on your behalf.

Upcoming Events Nelson Davila Speech Nelson Davila is the Venezuelan Charge d’Affaires. He will be speaking on the nature of the Venezuelan revolutionary process.

Where: Ground Floor, Student Union Building When: 19th March Time: 1pm

DodgeBall 6 people per team (min 2 girls). Register at the WSU from today.

Where: Village Green When: 26th March Time: 12noon-2pm

Protect your bits, people…

I heard something disturbing on the radio the other day… someone stole Laura Langman’s Commonwealth medal from her flat. It was her Commonwealth medal, people, come on! I know there seems to be a market for various medals lately but really? What is that person going to do with it? Use it as the focal point of their “bling” on a Friday night? I think not.

Seriously though, you guys and girls need to keep your stuff safe. Our friendly campus

policeman “Constable Nick” is going to help you keep your valuables safe by invisibly marking them. While this isn’t going to stop them from getting taken from your house, it does mean that if the police recover your laptop etc, they can be identified as yours watch this space for more details about that.

PS. Laura is one of our students so if any one knows anything about her missing medal please contact the police.

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WSU Service spotlight!

Rachel Wark So, I am your environmental portfolio holder. This portfolio has a small budget to work with, but I want to achieve big things this year. My biggest goal to achieve this year is getting a full recycling centre up and running on campus – I am planning on holding an event to raise money to buy things like a crate in which we store our recyclables, ready for Council pickup. Also, the money will be used to put smaller recycling bins around campus. Some of you students out there may think “who gives a shit about recycling?” – fair enough, but just think, your future home could be built near a landfill because we produce so much damn rubbish and we’re running out of good places to bury it…Ewwwww! Japan wants to make their rubbish 100% recyclable by 2010.

That’s awesome! We should aim to have at least our Universities recycling by then! If you have any great ideas about how we can improve our university’s environmental state, please email me at environmental@wsu.org.nz Cheers – Rach (WSU Enviro)

Student Questions Glen Delamere

The Dodgeball ASKEW Jeff Hawks Cometh AJ

Where was the Trolley Derby for O Week?

This was a question asked by a few of the students who appreciated the sight (2007) of brave men and women hurtling themselves down the little hill by the Management School staff car park and crashing. Come on, we all know that people only go to watch car races in the hope that there will be a spectacular crash with some mayhem…blood is a bonus For those who are new, the Trolley Derby is a great event - which is now going to be a stanalone event that will be held towards the end of the year possibly late September. This means that you have plenty of time to plan and build the ultimate speed machine!

More information will be available on the WSU website in due time so check out

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Bula Vinaka!! Hey homies…hope you nailed O’week as hard as I did last week, now its time to go to the class and party only 3 or 4 nights a week. In the year of ’08 I am acting as your Sport and Recreation Officer (and also the joint Finance Officer) on the WSU. AJ’s first event was the Student Rent Pool Party; it was the first of two fundraisers for Unigames 2008. Full of big bombs, bare boobs, and blue barrels, it was all fun in the sun at the UniPools on Wednesday of O’week. Thanks again to the sponsers, Student Rent, LiquorKing, and United Video. Watch out for my next event on Wednesday 19th of March, DODGEBALL!!!

Focker Out!!

Askew is a group at the University of Waikato for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, takataapui, queer and otherwise non-heterosexual students and friends. We coordinate social events and support to members.

QueerSpace is the place on campus that will always be homophobia free. It is open from 8.30am to 4.30pm weekdays all year, for anyone to come in to meet with others, get information, or just relax.

“When we make others know they’re welcome and that they belong, then we know that we all belong” ~ Jean Vanier If anyone would like to know any more information about the Askew crew, be it join up or here to support, snoop Yahoo groups for askewwaikato or stop by up at the Waikato Students’ Union for a heads up.

Jeff Hawkes

Ticketmaster Events

Tickets to all ticketmaster events are available at WSU reception Westlife Rock and Pop James Blunt (Allocated Seating) Rock and Pop Korn With Biohazard And Chimaira (General Admission) Alternative Rock The Smashing Pumpkins With Queens Of The Stone Age (Allocated Seating) Alternative Rock

Moira Neho Andrew Ja mes

Denis

Olivi

a B eat tie

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Tokun

the Glen

s r o t c ey

elan Ben D

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Delam

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Whetu

Tauka

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Tracey Iremonger

Rache

l Wark

Jeff Hawkes

Joanne Bisset ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

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Send notices to nexus@waikato.ac.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Try and keep ‘em under 75 words. Ta. Oh, and we hear that personals ads work terrifyingly well, so give that a go as well – fun for everyone involved.

Vocalist wanted for rock/garage band, covers and originals, to play live gigs as soon as the vocalist is up to speed. Gender irrelevant.

Contact Smash on 0276661854.

Do you want to live with the most boring girls in Waikato?! We answer to Bronwyn and Coop. We enjoy knitting, cleaning, Swedish death metal and Hungry Hungry Hippos. Come join us at 81a Cook St as we’re looking for a new flatmate. Pref male and a passion for livin’ the dream. 027 403 3608 (Yes, this is a real notice.)

GARAGE SALE, EVERYTHING GOING CHEAP OR FREE! Saturday 15th March, 9am start!

Couches, tables, heaps of clothes, need to get rid of flat full of stuff. 1b St Winifreds Ave, Claudelands. Don’t even think about turning up early.

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CLUBS NOTICE Unity Dance Collective weekly contemporary dance classes begin in March in the Academy Dance Studio:First classes on Monday 3rd 910.30am and Thursday 6th 9-10.30am. Come along and join in.

Young Democrats are holding a meeting for show of interest on 12 March 2008 from 1.00 pm to 2.00 pm in The Bunker in the Student Union Building. Please contact Carolyn on 021 171 7200 or tarnie@slingshot.co.nz for more information.

Queensized Bed Futon Matress and Base $175 o.n.o phone Tom on 856 3909 Need help typing your assignments, I will type what you write. I do not proof read or check for grammatical errors, but will type your assignments as they are written and your

writing must be legible. $7.00 per typed page neg. Text 021 205 3289 Need help writing your notices for the notices page, I will not do anything. I do not proof read or check for grammatical errors as you can tell, but will not type notices how I feel like it and all you need is love. $200 for every notice I dont type. Send money (cash or blank cheque preferred plz) to: Happy Dude, c/o Nexus Publications 2003 ltd, Student Union Building, University of Waikato

Freeloader.co.nz Where Students Buy and Sell.

No listing fees, registration charges or success fees, it’s FREE. A great way to buy and sell second hand text books and find flatmates. www.freeloader.co.nz

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Sarcophagus Rex Incoprehensible nerd-speak with Blair Munro!

I’m an angry person, I’ll give you that. I can find fault in almost anything, just because it feels good to destroy the things that people hold dear.

I’m pretty spiteful and foulmouthed too. On paper, I’m Scarface. I read the Nexus every week, especially the Lettuce pages, because I like to make fun of the insignificant things people have to write about. This would be a lot harder to do if some of these letters had correct grammar and spelling (just a hint guys). I also enjoy the Busted pages. Far from drawing Fu Manchu moustaches on my friends’ pictures, I prefer to circle the faces sporting the “pedosmile.” For those who don’t know what a pedosmile is, try pulling your head out of your ass, and go to www. maddox.xmission.com. Start by reading the article entitled “How to spot a pedophile.” I’ll wait until you’re finished. (Hint: it’s the smile sported by a kiddy-fiddler, half smirk, half grin.)

The scary part is, there are so many of them there on the back page of our student magazine, that it makes me wonder whether or not (completely disregarding the fact that this is Hamilton) it is a good idea to go out at night, and hang out with all you beautiful women out there. I’ve actually had to fall back to a coin toss. Heads, I go out and get drunk, and catch God knows what from backsplash that occurs in the urinals in almost every bar in town. Tails, I don’t. And judging from the fungal species you see growing on the urinal cakes in every syphilis

infested watering hole in Hamilton, I’d say it’s time to invest in a doubletailed coin. I digress.

But I’ve decided that it’s time to make my contribution to the legacy that is Nexus. So here I am, to express my concern with the uphill struggle we like to call the “human condition.” Hopefully I can enlighten a few poor souls, or at least give you something entertaining to read during your lectures. I mean, you’re not actually here to learn are you? Like every homeless person you’ve ever crossed the road to avoid, like every Jamaican bobsledder singing on the side of the road you’ve paid a dollar to shut up, I intend on telling it like it is, and above all, keeping it real.

But keeping it real is not easy to accomplish, especially not on your own.

That’s why we have gangs. So I beseech you, the reader, to let me know what you want my opinion on. Help me to hurt you. Tell me what you like, or don’t like, and I’ll have a go at it.

In the meantime, I pose a hypothetical question. If I were to drive a car at the exact velocity of a sneeze, and sneeze at the exact moment I crash into a brick wall, or even brick substitute, would the motion of my head during the sneeze (backward, then forward) counteract the motion of my head due to the whiplash (forward, then backward), thus preventing any serious neck injury? These and many more are the kind of thoughts you can expect to read during the coming year. You know you love it.

We will be attending your local Career Fair. Talk to the Deloitte team there about your career options!

Sign ups still available @ WSU Last chance Wed 12th March

Discover Deloitte & Discover Deloitte-Consulting Tuesday 11 March 2008 Waikato 4.00 - 7.00pm ELT, Management School

Destination Deloitte Tuesday 18 March 2008 Waikato 4.00 - 7.00pm ELT, Management School

NZUG First payment $150 DUE

Check it out at www.bebo.com/unigames08

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Applications open 3rd March and close 3rd April 2008.

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Jed Laundry Sorry for what appears to be a rushed column this week, I got a little caught up with Microsofty stuff (You poor bastard – Ed) I’ll expand on a few of these things over the coming weeks, so stay tuned. On a note of housekeeping; Vote for Team Waikato rev.A at http://www.microsoft. co.nz/imaginecup and you could win an Xbox 360!

So, one of the many things I see a lot of amateurish people doing badly is trying to make their own websites. I know, I can’t really talk given the utter crapness of mine, by in my own defense it’s because I designed it a while ago and eventually just got sick of looking at it. Do as I say, not as I did.

Now, there are two ways to go about creating your own site; starting from scratch and building your way up, or using pre-existing applications and integrating. The latter has the advantage that it’s much quicker to get going, as well as all the security and properly implemented features.

If you start writing your own, it can quickly get out of hand and you’ll find yourself with potential security holes, but you get a much deeper understanding about what’s actually happening. However, not taking

a minute to figure out how WordPress works is no excuse for trying to write your own blogging system.

Another thing to consider is the cost of hosting and how much you really want to pump through your 1Mbps upload home ADSL connection. Unless you’re really expecting no-one to look at your site, it’s always a better idea to shell out ~$100-150 a year for a decent hosting package. This is also where a really cool service called Popfly comes in.

You basically take a bunch of content from the web or your Facebook, Flickr etc, format it how you like, and embedded it into your site with a block of HTML. Not only is it free, but really simple and can take a massive bandwidth load off your server / hosting. Once you’ve got the basics done, you may want to move into the APIs provided by web 2.0ey sites, like Flickr, which provide you with a lot more control over what happens.

The last few word of advice I can muster is to look at Google Analytics for keeping track of traffic, FeedBurner for RSS traffic, and if you want to be really pro, use Gravatar for blog comment avatars.

BY BURTON C BOGAN

“Now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb” I like evil things. As a kid I had Decepticons. Think about it. The Autobots were a bunch of stupid cars and trucks who probably inspired a whole generation of boy racers to be “phat” and pimp out vehicles in a stupid way – like phat vans for example. Actually I think I hit a nail on the head there – Transformers inspired car conversions. Swish, Burt.

The Decepticons, however, were things like bats, monsters and insects.

If they were vehicles they were cool vehicles like tanks and helicopters.

Sadly a group of Kiwi rappers ruined the whole thing for me, and their inability to spell means that I can never own a Transformers shirt. GI Joes – who wants the imperialist American army when you could have a dude with a mysterious hood and a thing for snakes? By that I mean a cool hood, not those pillow case wearing KKK guys who talk about white powder.

I cheer for the bad guys. I love the bad girl rock chicks with tattoos and piercings rather than Miss Teen USA. Frodo and Sam were two short guys who shouldn’t have worried about some stupid noble quest and should’ve just fucked, got married and lived happily ever after. Gollum was a tortured soul whose only crime was being the wrong hobbit at the wrong time.

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Now, besides proving how nerdy I am, I am going somewhere with this. I also love Heavy Metal and again I find myself cheering for the baddies. Songs about mass destruction and going apeshit are much more interesting than songs about how I love you and you want me and I have a great milkshake (whatever that means). From my point of view, evil and violent = depth and complexity. That’s what’s fascinating. God is supposedly perfect and all knowing. BORING! Something that is perfect in every way is self-explanatory. The Devil is supposedly fallen from grace, banished and now tries to screw up everyone else’s lives by being the turd in the icecream. INTERESTING! “I love hate songs, bout mass destruction. Other people’s pain takes my mind off you. And I love puppies, when they’re road kill. They’re too cute to live, too cute to live, too cute like you.”

See? - a Metal song that offers complexity and twists the norm although I’m still consumed with curiosity as to the complex notion of a milkshake and why it brings all the boys to the yard.

Or maybe I just love boobs.

WIth Joseph Ross

Dear Agony Art

A century ago, the innovative Dally Messenger brought to

I’ve started to date a girl who says she’s a virgin, but the way she acts is definitely not what I’d call virginal. We haven’t done anything terribly sexual yet, but it’s still a concern for me that she may be hiding the truth from me. Why would a girl lie about being a virgin when she may not be one?

Rue Paul

the Southern Hemisphere a new sport named Northern Union.

Derived from rugby, critics in the early days were skeptical.

Dear Rue Paul I’m not quite sure what you mean when you say she doesn’t act ‘virginal’. Some of the dirtiest girls I’ve ever met have been virgins.

However, a lot of girls claim virginity for different reasons. She may be embarrassed about her sexual history, not wanting to remember that she once went home with Dennis from Accounts. She may also have slept with a huge number of boys and not want to put you off with fears of a torrent of disease living between her legs. Or, in some very weird way, she may be ashamed of having too few sexual partners and rather that she’d had none than two, but this situation only arises when the girl in question is quite a bit older. Maybe this girl is even sleeping around behind your back. The best way to hide that is to make like you’ve never had it in you before, not even from the guy you’re dating.

There is always the possibility of her being an actual, honest to God, virgin. Some girls are just skanks in training, practicing everything but the sex part so as to be good and proper at every aspect when they finally get to the big event. Keep a hold of this one, because if she’s naughty now, imagine what she’ll be like later.

The final possible situation you might be in is that she’s only half a virgin.

Sure, she’s never had a wang in her gut-locker, but she may have caught it in the rear exit. A big craze in young American Christians a few years back (according to 60 Minutes) was anal sex, as it kept the hymen intact but still allowed for a form of penetrative pleasure. While sometimes the youthful vigour of the man would nevertheless ‘pop the cherry’ from the other side, it leaves the girl confident in her virginity and thus able to save it for her future husband.

Yours in moist anticipation Agony Art

This new sport was what is now known as Rugby League. A new competition was formed between clubs. For the first eight decades of its life, the new code was contested entirely in Sydney. It was not until 1988 that it was extended outside New South Wales, with the addition of the Brisbane Broncos and the Canberra Raiders into the comp. New Zealand became involved in 1995, when the Warriors joined the party. That same year, three other sides also became founded: the North Queensland Cowboys, the Adelaide Rams and the South Queensland Crushers. Out of those three teams, only the Cowboys are still in the competition.

More recently, several other alterations to the clubs have been made.

Rugby League survived the 1997 SuperLeague debacle by the skin of its teeth. Out of this crisis rose what we now know as the NRL. The competition was reduced to 15 teams in the late 90s, meaning that St George Dragons and the Illawarra Steelers had to amalgamate to form the St George-Illawarra Dragons, as did the Balmain Tigers and Western Suburbs Magpies, to form the Wests Tigers. The Melbourne Storm were introduced in 1998, and, most recently, the Gold Coast Titans only joined the competition last year.

The centenary season is just about to kick off. The season proper begins this Friday night, March 12. The opening round features several mouthwatering clashes. The only two clubs that have survived the last 100 years, the Sydney Roosters and the South Sydney Rabbitohs, face off on Friday night. Saturday night sees the Eels taking on the Bulldogs, two sides that between them dominated in the 1980s. Both are good teams, although the Bulldogs have lost several key players: Willie Mason, Mark O’Meley et al. They last clashed in a memorable battle in the second week of the finals last year, with the Eels getting the chocolates and ending the Doggies’ aspirations of premiership glory. Sunday sees the two joint ventures, the Tigers and the Dragons, playing each other, at the Sydney Cricket Ground – a ground that has hosted many historical rugby league matches in years gone by as well as cricket games.

The Warriors first match of the season is one of the most daunting tasks in the NRL: a trip to the Graveyard. They are playing the defending premiers, Melbourne Storm, in an away match next Monday night.

Expect the Storm to backlash after the disappointment of travelling to England and losing to Leeds in the World Club Challenge recently. Other first round matches are Titans v Cowboys, Sea Eagles v Sharks, Knights v Raiders and Broncos v Panthers.

This weeks quote comes from former St Helens and Great Britain player Cliff Watson: “I never wore a mouthguard... hated them... too uncomfortable and, besides, you couldn’t abuse the referee.”

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By Special K Howdy children, you might have read my drinking article last week and thought “Wow, this guy is awesome, I wish he would give us more lessons in awesomeness…and love”. Well I’m back to do just that, although this time round my instructions aren’t as explicit.

“But we need, your guidance!” is what you are yelling at the Nexus right now.

“Hold on, it will still be awesome!” I yell back (but a week before you read this).

Today, we discuss the essence of awesome, or what exactly it is which makes me awesome… and you, not so much.

In my opinion, the essence of awesome lies in how awesome your personality is and not being a douche-bag. I can’t rectify your personality and I can’t stop you from being a total douche, but I can certainly give you some tips and maybe over the next semester you might learn something from me (and a girl might let you touch her boob).

Reading over what I wrote above, I realize that turning you into someone awesome will be difficult (maybe even…IMPOSSIBLE… O_o ) So what will happen is this: I will give you advice on what is awesome,

You may have heard Hamilton lovingly referred to as ‘The Tron’.

The funny thing is, most people just throw the name around like a misbehaving child without knowing where it comes from. None are too sure where it came from, and it seems the greatest chapter in our fair city’s history is ironically shrouded in the very mist and fog for which it is famous for. Here’s what I’ve pieced together over the years.

The original tagline for Hamilton was “Where it’s happening”. For some reason cities in New Zealand all need taglines, so that’s what we had for a while until some tourists were shocked to arrive here and find that Hamilton wasn’t really very happening at all. The council decided that a ridiculous amount of money was required to come up with a new tagline, and at this point the WSU radio station at the time, Contact FM, launched their campaign for the greatest name ever: Hamiltron (City of the Future). You’ve probably heard a couple of the other top suggestions as well: Hamiltron: We have a nice bus stop.

Hamiltron: It’s not an STD if everyone has it.

Hamiltron: bypass via Gordonton State Highway 1b.

So now you know. The beauty of all this is that Hamiltron (City of the Future) is, in fact, a city of the future. Aside from all the old myths 32

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and you will try to follow it, I will give you advice on how not to be a douche and you will always follow it. Eventually, Hamilton will be a better place for it.

First piece of advice: Do not be a douche bag. The line between someone who is awesome and someone who is a total douche is very thin. “How thin?” you ask. “New Libra Ultra-Thin Very Light Flow thin,” I reply. Generally, what pushes people over that fine line is opening their mouths. If you follow my advice and automatically think that you are cool, talk about it and start reaching for every boob, butt and box in sight, people will think you’re a douche.

What’s the solution? Shutting up is the solution.

For example, if you followed my advice and bought a $90 bottle of Absinthe, made sure everyone saw and then told everyone in town about it… you would not be cool. But if you had stayed quiet and waited for someone to ask what you’re drinking and what’s with the spoon and sugar cubes (without baiting them into it), they might actually find you interesting.

So next time you’re about to tell people something cool about you…you should probably just shut up.

about Hamiltron (City of the Future) transforming into robot mode and sleeping with the Eiffel Tower (it couldn’t find its pants for three days), it is extremely futuristic in its layout, attitude, and robotic taxi drivers.

From the corner of Hood and Vic there’s the Bank, a higher-class bar with a huge clubbing component, and then right across the road you’ve got a top cocktail bar at Sekure, with The Loft right upstairs for some house/techno. Only 30 seconds walk down the road will take you to Diggers and Fat Bellies for some relaxed beers and live music. Back across the road is the Caz Bar for the best live scene around, or you can go around the corner to Charmers or Bahama Hut for some R&B and Hip-hop. There’s really no excuse to get sick of this place, if you’re finding yourself in the same bar rotation, you could do worse than to shake things up.

If you’re seeing the same people every week and you’ve memorised the classic rock playlist, why not try a dance bar like Monkey Feather? You don’t have to dance, you can just sit at the bar and do pretty shots and talk to the pretty girls. The worst that can happen is epilepsy. If you are tired of $18 cocktails and the same old New-wave Euro Trance, try wandering the streets and just hit the first place where you can see a guy with a guitar in the window and get a round of beers. The worst that can happen is maybe you will be attacked and crippled by those who fear outsiders.

Soapbox is a weekly column where Nexus invites MPs, local body politicians, and people of interest to have their say – in a student magazine, directly to students. Debate and discuss their views in the letters page – send to nexus@waikato.ac.nz This week’s columnist is National MP for Hamilton East, David Bennett We wish to extend a warm welcome to all new and returning students at the University of Waikato this year.

The University and its students make a tremendous contribution to Hamilton City. As students you help to make Hamilton a vibrant and exciting city to live in.

The University is also an innovative and dynamic place to study. It provides a very high quality international tertiary qualification for its students.

For example, if a borrower pays $800 off their loan in a lump sum above and beyond the compulsory requirement, the Government would take $880 off their loan balance.

The National Party sees the contribution of talented individuals such as yourselves as crucial to our country’s future success. We want to encourage you to make the right choices, study hard, have fun and ultimately stay in New Zealand.

A new generation of voters want a fresh approach to politics and they want leadership that is aspirational and socially responsible. Leaders like US Senator Obama represent this vision.

National wants students to gain qualifications and then also to be able to progress quickly in their lives without student loan debt hanging over them.

That’s why we support an interest free student loan policy, with an added financial incentive for early repayment. National will offer a 10% additional bonus repayment on an outstanding loan balance for voluntary lump-sum repayments of $500 or more.

John Key and the National Party share that vision.

We support a country where everyone can strive to do their best, and have the incentive to do so.

The incentive to pay off student loans early is an example of this.

This election is an opportunity to build this new future for New Zealand.

Our electorate office is available should you have any issues or you need help in enrolling to vote in the election. Our office can be found at 310 Grey Street, and we can be contacted on 07 834 3407 or david.bennett@xtra.co.nz.

Tired of your cold, damp flat?

The Energy Efficiency and Conservation Get your landlord to do something about it!

Authority (EECA) is offering landlords a subsidy of up to 55% towards the cost of retrofitting rental properties with insulation and other energy efficiency measures.

is your flat eligible?

There are several eligibity criteria that you, your landlord, and your flat need to meet: • The property must have been built before 1978; • The property should have insufficient ceiling and/or underfloor insulation; • The tenant named on the tenancy agreement must be eligible for a community services card; • Rent must not be raised within six months of receiving the subsidy.

what do you need to do?

The first step is to discuss this with your landlord. If he/she is keen to take advantage of this offer, ask them to contact one of two organisations that can complete the work. These are Eco Insulation (0800 400 ECO) and the Energy Efficiency Community Network (0800 151 565).

More information about this offer can be found on www.eeca.govt.nz.

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SUPERGROOVE vitaminC A near-unrecognisable lakeside was the venue for the first big gig of OWeek, and hopefully a sign of things to come after a seriously rampedup orientation courtesy of your Student Union. I arrived in the early evening, with the sun was still hanging around and everybody chilling on the grass to some relaxed R&B and Hip-Hop. It was like some giant summer BBQ in some giant backyard, next to a giant swimming pool, owned by a giant invisible man. The atmosphere was fantastic and the night was clearly well planned and well managed, which was reflected by the great mood and of the crowd. The bar set-up was great; keeping one licensed zone near the back really helped the gig cater for everyone, although the big red tent that was blocking some of the view could have come down.

The acts themselves kept the great vibe up all night. King Kapisi kicked things off with style and got everyone up and kicking, and I had a great boogie to the only song I knew, the one about the plantation. The man really knows how to work a crowd, and the place was amped when the time came for the big act.

The big act, of course, was Supergroove, and they really hit the ground running. They put on a high energy show from the first beat, and it was obvious they all enjoyed what they were doing. After a couple of quick words at the start promising all the lyrics, Karl Steven and Che Fu ripped right into it, covering all the classics like ‘You Gotta Know’, ‘Scorpio Girls’ and of course ‘Can’t Get Enough’. Now the technical difficulties probably should be mentioned here; during a couple of the big songs, something went pop and all the music stopped. As far as I’m concerned, this just went to show how great the night had been. The crowd were in high spirits and having a ball, so just kept going, singing the chorus and waiting for the band to get it together again. It was a cool thing to be a part of, and the only real shame of the whole night was when the band was called up for an encore, only to have the sound cut out again.

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THE DATSUNS EmChard Despite the rain, despite the humidity and despite the raging bloke to the left of me who seemed to think he was hardcore by poking his tongue out of his orange freckled face and gesturing the devil horns all whilst thrashing his head back and forth… (Deep breath) The Datsuns, energetic and ever-faithful in their performance, managed to pull off a great show. Classic Datsuns songs such as Harmonic Generator, Transistor, Lady and MF From Hell lifted the crowd from their dreary sweaty clusters around the Village Green to the pulsating mosh in front of the stage.

From past experience I know that the band will always pull off a great set. It was no different on Saturday night. The setlist included newer songs that created a sense of unease in the audience, and the oldies that I previously mentioned everybody loved. Sadly I am one of those people who was shouting the words at the top of my lungs and when it came to a new song stood there ever so slightly bewildered and tried to pretend that I knew it, just so I didn’t look out of place.

Heavy riffs and thudding bass made the music reach out and grab the audience; Harmonic Generator was a definite standout for me, along with the more recent single System Overload. The crowd reacted to the opening lines of each song in excitement you can only relate to the type of excitement you see from students around free alcohol or fat people around a WSU sausage sizzle; the crowd only became more enthusiastic as each song passed.

I managed to get a quick word in with King Kaps after the show, and he was amazed that there had been nothing like this at Waikato before.

“I’ve been to Uni’s before, you know, but Waikato has been awesome.

You can tell people came here to party man, it was a great night” were the words from the man himself.

As I said, despite all the things that might have ruined it, the performance was impressive and it would be great to see the Datsuns back playing more local shows; and even better seeing more people turning up! And to that raging bloke, please leave the tongue action to Gene Simmons.

All in all the WSU did a killer job of things, and with support from the students Friday night made the coming year look pretty damned good in terms of events and entertainment.

(You got your wish, guy. The Datsuns have now been added to the Dirtbombs show. It’s on Thursday 13th March, at The Yellow Submarine.

Check the gig guide for details – Ed)

ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

phat controller

moving pictures With Dr Richard Swainson

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption semi-review

By Josh Drummond It’s funny “reviewing” a game you haven’t even come close to finishing, but it’s worth discussing Metroid Prime 3.

This game has flown under the radar here in New Zealand, possibly because the Nintendo Wii, which the game is exclusive to, has done the same thing. It’s weird, because in pretty much every other country the Wii is far and away the most popular console. In New Zealand – well, there was no sales data I could find for the thing, but it’d be safe to guess that it is not.

Metroid Prime 3 has the most unique controls of just about any game I’ve played. The main character is a (female) galactic bounty hunter in the far future called Samus Aran.You control where she looks and where her gun points with the Wii Remote. You move around with the Nunchuck. It’s been done before on the Wii – but, until now, it hasn’t been done properly. The motion controls are awesome fun to use. It’s like Wii Sports, if you’ve played that, but with guns. You use motion controls to do basically everything – flip switches, operate pumps, toggle things, and (extremely satisfyingly) yank enemy shields off them. I never thought I’d play a game where flipping switches was a fun gameplay element, but I have now.

It’s not like the game is perfect. It suffers from a nasty case of what I’ll call “platformer syndrome,” where every room and puzzle is designed so only someone possessing the specific abilities of the main character could get through it. Samus can curl up into a little ball and roll around.

This is cool, but it’s odd, and disappointing, that every other room and puzzle seems designed around this. And all the doors are opened by shooting them! Maybe everyone can morph into balls and shoots doors to get around in the future, but it seems like an awfully convoluted way to get around.

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption is an excellent showcase of what is possible with motion controls, done right. It also tells a decent science fiction story, and is bloody hard and very long. In a good way. The presentation is slick, with the art design surpassing excellent. If you’ve got a Wii, this game is a must-buy, if only to see what motion controls are actually capable of. Stick with it, put up with the quirks, and you’ve got a truly excellent game.

“No Country for Old Men” won the Oscar race a fortnight back and it is not hard to see why. An adaptation of Cormarc McCarthy’s novel by the Coen brothers, the most celebrated sibling act in cinema since the Lumiere boys, it’s less a generic exercise than a deeply melancholy reflection on crime and lack of punishment in contemporary America.

Set in 1980, a time when the republic is seen as having already lost its way, it opens with a series of impeccable vistas and Tommy Lee Jones’ distinctive drawl. What follows is a tale of avarice and unrelenting violence, as a Vietnam veteran attempts to take advantage when happening upon the aftermath of a drug deal gone wrong, his efforts systematically undermined by a uniquely principled psychopath intent on recovering the appropriated funds and chalking up any necessary body count in the process.

As I say, while this synopsis suggests film noir and from their debut feature “Blood Simple” the Coens have embraced a style that could be labelled neo noir, “No Country for Old Men” cuts a lot deeper, its downbeat ending going far beyond the limits of even this most bleak of genres. Largely absent, too, is much of the Coen’s trademark irony.

There are blackly humourous moments, and some mother in law jokes, but predominantly Joel and Ethan are playing this one straight and they achieve a more resonant level of drama than ever before.

It will be interesting to see what they come up with next. If their career to date has had a pattern it’s one of the hits being followed by films that are more experimental and daring. The early cult success of “Raising Arizona”, a somewhat gimmicky and overly sentimental farce about baby kidnappers, was followed by the fully blown if ‘revisionist’ gangster drama “Miller’s Crossing”, one whose highlight was a forest scene of execution featuring a pathetic John Turturro pleading for his life. The following year Turturro went on to star in perhaps Joel and Ethan’s greatest film, the surrealist “Barton Fink”, set against the fading glory of Golden Era Hollywood, in which an idealistic leftist writer from the east has difficulty accomodating himself to the requirements of studio writing. John Goodman was truly brilliant as his deceptively disturbed neighbour, a kind of Willy Loman as serial killer.

“No Country for Old Men” is currently screening at Village Cinemas. All other Coen brothers DVDs may be rented from Auteur House.

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CD Reviews You’re All The Things I’ve Got To Remember…

Radiohead In Rainbows

Carl Watkins If you didn’t get enough of the Datsuns in O Week there’s plenty more to go around. For instance you can charge up to AK tomorrow night and catch them at the King’s Arms with guests, the Dirtbombs and the Bellrays. The Dirtbombs are a 5-piece outfit from Detroit, USA, who play a firmly garage bent rock n roll with generous dollops of punk and soul.

The Bellrays have been smackin people’s ears out since the late 90s and boast a phat (and kick-ass) bluesy rock n roll that might just punk out at any given moment. Both support acts are on their way around the world promoting their latest albums, which are We Have You Surrounded and Hard, Sweet and Sticky respectively. Or, if you can’t rub two dollars together at the moment, stay in Ham and catch the Datto’s and the Dirtbombs with The New Telepathics at the Yellow Submarine on Thursday, 13 March. Londoner’s The New Telepathics throw together afro-beat, jazz, funk and house in a set of improvised songs that revolve around the multi-talented multi-instrumentalist, Darryn Harkness. The New Telepathics are mind-boggling and The Bellrays are worth the journey north. You’ll never know when you’ll get the chance again…

Chances are you’re too late, but you should still try and grab yourself some tix to WOMAD. The huge annual event is happening this weekend, March 14 – 16, in New Plymouth at the gorgeous Pukekura Park, and has another killer line-up of stellar musicians and entertainers.

Highlights? I’m glad you asked… Sharon Jones, the best thing to come out of Augusta, Georgia since James Brown, will be there. Backed up by the Dap-Kings, Jones blasts out a fresh breath of old school funk and soul that would get the Godfather dancing in his grave and wanting to step back and kiss himself. Jones, along with Mavis Staples (USA) and Cesaria Evora (Cape Verde) round off an amazing womanly trio at WOMAD 08. For more info on who else is turning up go to: http://www. womad.co.nz/artists.htm The next best thing for your Friday night leisure pleasure is a show at The Yellow Submarine featuring King Cannons, Problem and Dick Dynamite & the Doppelgangers. Kick-off is at 9PM. I don’t know how that’ll turnout as I haven’t heard nor seen any of the aforementioned ‘cept the Doppelgangers, but if you do go and have an opinion, give it to me: nexus@waikato.ac.nz, type MUSIC in the subject line.

Until next week, I will leave you with my song of the moment: “Nude”

by Radiohead, off their latest album, Rainbows.

If the accoutrements are anything to go by then one could be forgiven for believing that what Radiohead are trying to tell us with this latest effort is to make of it what you will. It being everything. This album, this life, whatever. Of course promotion for In Rainbows begun with the album going up online with buyers invited to put whatever price they desired for a copy of its contents. While this could be construed as a very liberal approach to the sharing of art one spin of the album leaves the listener with a much more cynical view of things. This is Thom Yorke after all. (“I have no idea what I am talking about. I’m trapped in this body and can’t get out.”)

The good news is that this album is a masterpiece of sound. Stripped back and precise without being sterile, each track is allowed to breathe and develop in a way that brings it to perfect resolution. If you’ve been waiting for Radiohead to put together the brooding intensity of Kid A and the technical and emotional brilliance of OK Computer and make something sensible out of it, this is it.

The Electric Confectionaires Sweet Tooth (Sony/BMG) Plundering the depths of their parent’s vinyl collections for everything that was good about music of the 60s and 70s, namely The Beatles, the Byrds, the Beach Boys, Stevie Wonder and Motown in general, the Electric Confectionaires have hit NZ music like a breathe of fresh air.

They’ve received rave reviews in every mag that mentions them and I’ll not buck the trend here. Sweet Tooth is bold, brilliant, unashamed, and mercifully different, exactly what New Zealand music needs right now.

From the very start of the album your ears are drawn to the juicy grooves and melodies. If you’ve heard it before it’ll remind you that you loved it and if you’re new to this stuff you’ll want to hear more. Trainspotters will sit there identifying the influences, hearing the McCartney’esque melodies or the Yardbirds riffs, and if those names mean nothing to you then you’ll just be bobbin your head and groovin out cos your body has to. I love the acapella interlude of “Carnival Hymns” the joyous “Piece of my Heart” and the highlight of the album, “Mind Full of Method” where all those aforementioned influences amalgamate into a perfect musical alchemy.

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ISSUE 02 • 10 MARCH 08

KISS Rock the Nation LIVE! I’m always surprised when I meet someone who genuinely likes KISS. Not because I thing they’re crap or anything like that, but it’s easy to forget just how big their legacy is and their iconic status in rock and pop culture. That’s the main reason I picked this DVD for review, along with the fact that when this is published it will be just 12 days until ROCK2WGTN. Rock on.

This 2-disc set covers some select venues during the 2004 Rock The Nation tour, so this is the later lineup of KISS, with Tommy Thayer and Eric Singer taking up the roles of Space-Ace (Ace Frehley) and Catman (Peter Criss) respectively. I’ve always preferred Ace Frehley, but the newer guys consistently do a brilliant job and they’re perfectly up to scratch in this gig. Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons are still at it nearly as well as they ever were, although Paul Stanley looked like he was having a little leg trouble; I’ve heard he’s had a couple of hip operations and he pretty much stays in one place throughout the show if he can help it. You can also see his age though the make-up in a couple of close-ups, which is a little creepy at some times, hilarious at others.

The track list mainly covers the earlier stages of the bands career, with a couple of the real oldies like Deuce and Got to Choose as well as later 80’s tracks like Tears are Falling, but fortunately it doesn’t stay too much later than that. There were a couple of tracks I didn’t recognise that may have been some 90’s stuff, but all in all the selection is great. All the classic hits are somewhat crammed into the end of the second disc though, and I noticed Strutter was missing, which I thought was a bit of a shame. Scattered throughout the tracks are a few little documentary shorts of KISS doing photoshoots, soundchecks, and each others makeup. There doesn’t seem to be an option to take these out of the mix and watch them on their own later, which is a bit of a mood killer; for example Shout It Out Loud is followed by a segment of the band hanging out on their bus talking about their lives, when the next track is I Was Made For Loving You, which begs for the good old ‘chapter skip’ button.

Eagle vs. Shark - Taika Waititi Like all good love stories, Eagle vs. Shark takes the familiar formula and looks at it with particular attention to a certain truth; in this case it’s that everybody is loser and a complete mess. This of course lends itself to some great comedy, but to class the movie as a romantic comedy would be misleading. The exposition kicks off with the basic premise of Lily (Loren), a loser with no social skills, who is in love with Jarrod (Jemaine Clement), a loser with slight social skills. Without giving too much away, they get together and we get to follow along as the budding relationship plays out pretty much as you would expect from a pair of losers, until the somehow perfectly natural development that Jarrod needs to go to his hometown to fight his enemy.

The first description for the movie that comes to mind is weird, and everyone I’ve talked to who has watched it is in agreement. The level of weird changes around a bit, ranging from oddly amusing to bizarrely surreal. A good example of this is Jarrods annual animal party, which makes the first real jump from the jarring awkwardness of the movie to a hilarious parody of Mortal Kombat.

The vibe throughout the movie is one of optimism; the characters frequently hint that there is something a little more below the surface than the freaks that we first meet. Throughout the film the characters become more familiar, but without any major emotional speeches or flashbacks or anything. The impression is that they seem more developed and less like wierdos simply because we know them better after having spent a bit of time with them. Jarrods’ redemption doesn’t occur until the tail end of the denouement, almost as an afterthought to the Lilys’ arc, but it wraps things up nicely and sets up a touching final scene.

The soundtrack suits the mood perfectly, hitting just the right awkward moments along as the story does, or punctuating the introspective scenes with some lovely acoustic guitar or piano work. There’s a brilliant moment after Lily and Jarrod are arguing over some David Bowie lyrics, in which one of the movies stop-motion interludes plays accompanied by a rendition of the song in question.

It’s a brilliant movie, all told, and surprisingly poignant with it.

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LIVE MUSIC

Listings courtesy of Mammoth, Petra Jane, and the Hamilton Community Arts Council

HORSE the band NZ TOUR Monday 10 March, 7pm start @ Yellow Submarine (12 Ward St) $30, Tickets at CDs 4 Nix Experimental Metal/Nintendo band from Orange County, California with support from Every Man For Himself, This City Sunrise, Congaline and Peace Skank Inquiry

Legends of the Waikato Sunday 16 March, 7pm doors open @ Founders Theatre. Tickets $47.50 from TicketDirect.co.nz Waikato Stars of the 60’s get together for a fundraiser concert benefiting St John Ambulance. Stars include the Hamilton County Blue Grass Band, The Mods and Ray Columbus

The Dirtbombs, The Datsuns, The New Telepathics Thursday 13 March, 8:30pm doors open. @ Yellow Submarine (12 Ward St). Tickets from CDs4Nix. From Detroit, USA come the punk rock ‘n’ soul Dirtbombs to rustle up Hamilton along with ex-pat Kiwis The Datsuns and The New Telepathics. Read the Dirtbombs article in Mammoth on how to win a double-pass to this show!

Quiet Chaos presents High Society.

Saturday 15th March @ the Kremlin Bar, Victoria Street (just north of the collingwood st lights) DJ’s Advokit, Felun and HSD(high speed dubbing) +MC Rolex.

No Cover Charge Promo Giveaways on the night.

This is Hamilton’s longest running and only Drum & Bass night!

King Cannons, Problem and Dick Dynamite & the Doppelgangers Friday 14th March, 9pm start. @ Yellow Submarine (12 Ward st) $10 entry Problem are an Australian punk band doing a tour of New Zealand. King Cannons are from Auckland. Dick Dynamite & the Doppelgangers just rule, plain and simple.

Cafe Concert - Chris Thompson Friday 14 March, 9pm start @ La Commune Cafe (244 Victoria St) Free Entry Singer/Songwriter sings songs right Jayson Norris: Jim Beam Long Black Acoustic Lounge Tour Friday 14 March, 8pm start Diggers Bar (Hood St) $10 entry Featuring UK based Kiwi singer/songwriter Jayson Norris with special performances by Jason Kerrison (Opshop) and support from Stu Strawbridge and more.

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ART EVENTS Tuesday 11 March Tune in to Contact 88.1FM from 7pm, for the new doom, horror and metal show Bad Dreams.

Natalie Good and Alice Alva Friday 14 March, 5:30pm start New Friends Contemporary Art Space (186 Victoria St) Opening night featuring live music from You And I with a guest appearance by The Street Organs.

The Paintroom Project Runs from March 8 to April 4, 10:30am–4pm (Weds–Sat) @ Ariki Gallery (555 Victoria St) Ruth Hickman’s art installation work meanders over the entire Ariki space; dripping and fusing colours to eerie and beautiful effect.

Cantando Choir Saturday 15 March, 7:30pm start St Peters Cathedral, Hamilton Sunday 16 March, 2:30pm start @ Cambridge Town Hall Adults $25 concessions, $20 Secondary Students, Under 12 Free Under Musical Director Max Stewart Cantando Choir presents Stainer’s “Crucifixion” and a selection of beautiful choral music for Easter.

Stations of the Cross Sunday 16 March to Saturday 22 March, 810pm. @ Hamilton Gardens. $5 door sales with complimentary coffee Now in its 6th year, Stations of the Cross features a range of local artists including internationally acclaimed artist Rangi Kipa.

COMING UP...

Strange Resting places Wednesday 30 April to Saturday 3 May, 8pm start @ Clarence St Theatre. Tickets from ticketdirect.co.nz or the Hamilton Public Library Stories inspired by the Maori battalion in Italy.

Laughing Samoans: Crack Me Off Saturday 3 May, 8pm start. @ Founders Theatre. Tickets available from Ticketdirect.co.nz The Dentist’s Chair Tuesday 20 May to Saturday 24 May, 8pm start @ Clarence St Theatre. Tickets from ticketdirect.co.nz or the Hamilton Public Library Check out mammothmedia.co.nz petrajane.com

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