issue 3

03 12 MARCH 2007

WARNING: This issue contains graphic images which may offend some people.

www.nexusmag.co.nz

ISSUE 1 路 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

BY ROCKY

Rachael

Dan

What do you do with your shopping bags once you get home?

Do you think an adolescent boy or girl would consent to group sex with three police men?

Are police batons actually phallic symbols?

What do you think would happen to a bogan if he or she went to a gay bar?

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Mostly use them for rubbish liners and carrying food in.

Yes, I do Oh yeah.

FRESH MEAT!!!

Best: Something to read in class. Worst: More free stuff?

Worst and Best thing about Nexus?

1.

I shop at Pak N’ Save where I can use boxes instead of bags.

2.

I wouldn’t, but it depends on the school girl or boy.

3.

Nah.

4. He or she might make some nice friends but the real question is what would happen if a gay guy went to a bogan bar? The shame of being intolerant of other lifestyles.

5. Best: Articles and “5 on it”. Worst: Outback advertising and the busted page.

Len

Brie

1.

Put into a draw and leave to use for things such as rubbish bin and stuff.

1.

I don’t use bags. Mostly I shop with reusable boxes and the like.

2.

Of course not… hopefully!

2.

No.

3.

Totally, but with out the “bell end”.

3.

No.

4.

They would probably realise that 6ft Under was forever closed.

4.

He would explode?

5.

Best: Its free Worst: Nothing

5.

Best: Students writing for it. Worst: Busted, less drunk Outback and more fun times.

Matthew 1. Chucked into a drawer of some sort.

2. No! 3. Nothing like the real thing… Those batons are way to thin.

4. Probably go home with a nice young chap.

5. What’s Nexus?

Win a wireless Xtra Broadband pack and get moving!

Nexus is giving our readers the chance to go in the draw to win a wireless Xtra Broadband package from Telecom – valued at over $550. We’ve got two packs to giveaway over the next four weeks. If you’re one of the lucky winners you will be able to take the Internet with you almost anywhere in your home.

tion read

For more broadband informa

and xtra.co.nz/wirelessbroadb

To be in the draw, tell us in 100 words or less why you need free broadband for a year and give us your name, address and contact phone number. Send your entries to nexus@waikato.ac.nz.

Entries must be received by 28th March, 2007.

March 2007 competition terms and conditions. The first valid entry drawn will receive Wireless Broadband Network Kit including wiring and connection plus free Broadband for a year on an Xtra Go Broadband plan. If Broadband is not available in the winner’s area the winner will receive 12 months free dial-up on the Xtra Value Pack. Winners will be drawn on 29th March 2007 and will be notified by Nexus. Nexus’s decisions are final and no correspondence will be entered into. Prizes cannot be transferred or exchanged or redeemed for cash. Prize draw entry constitutes acceptance of these terms. Sorry - employees of Telecom and their immediate families are not eligible to enter.

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

www.nexusmag.co.nz

BY THE PANTHER Tip # 5: You are what you eat You may think this is just a turn of phrase but believe me - it’s true. I currently only eat predators that eat other predators, e.g. tigers that eat dragons. Thus it’s like eating muscle squared or cubed. It’s basically 5th form economics - really people, I shouldn’t even need to explain it to you. Another example is one of my fans, Caleb, who once ate a bag of potato chips and look at what happened to him…

Tip # 6: Get on the Roids.

You may think that getting steroids to build your muscles is difficult, but nothing can be further from the truth. Just go to the university doctor and request LOCOID 0.1% for a hay fever rash and when the Doc asks to see the rash just point it out on a $20 note…you know what I’m sayin’. When you get home apply the gel to the required areas and do your normal weight routine. It’s as simple as that. If you would like to see examples of successful boosters just watch ‘True Stories’ on Prime, Wednesday at 8:30pm. Yes, you too can be as awesome as they are.

www.nexusmag.co.nz

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

Credits CO-EDITORS

Rosalind Case & Dawn Tuffery nexus@waikato.ac.nz

DESIGNER Matt Scheurich graphics@nexus.npl.co.nz

ADVERTISING MANAGER Tony Arkell admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz 021 176 6180

NEWS EDITOR

Contents

Joshua Drummond news@nexus-npl.co.nz

Nexus Issue 3 · 12 March 2007

MUSIC EDITOR M. Emery htownslut@gmail.com

Features 17 24 22 46

It Came From Your Crotch – Get STI smart A Clean, Green Slate – Nexus chats to Nandor Tanczos Uni Games Balls Up – Stupid press release GO! Amy Racecar Leave Town – This article is a tribute

News 8 – 13

Trolley Derby Tragedy Some real news Some fake news Short Shorts Haiku News

Editorial Lettuce WSU columns Notices Walk Through Boulanger Agony Art Been There, Done That Society Pages Lecture Distractors Magic 8 Ball Los Libros

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

Roz Case

CONTRIBUTORS THIS ISSUE Chuck & Benjo, Dean Ballinger, Leah Graham, Carl Watkins, Candice Bottomsworth, Art Focker, Jessica Ritchie, Jerode Raman, Vitamin C, Special K, Burnsy, Matt, Joe Citizen, Guru Moonbeam, The Panther, Brie Jessen, Richard Swainson, Rocky Maeva, Andrew Neal, Chris Feng, WSU.

CONTACT NEXUS

Regulars 07 14 28 33 34 34 35 35 36 36 37 37

MAIN FEATURE WRITER

38 39 40 40 41 42 43 44 44 45 45 47

Third Eye in the Sky Sports Vitalisa Weird Facts $3 Dinner Citric Gig Guide Wacko Watch Book Reviews Films Auteur House Busted

Email: Phone: Fax: Postal:

nexus@waikato.ac.nz 07 838 4653 07 838 4588 Nexus Publications 2003 Ltd Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

Read us online at

www.nexusmag.co.nz The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus Publications 2003 LTD, any of our advertisers, Waikato Students’ Union or APN Media.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). www.nexusmag.co.nz

Editorial

BY ROZ CASE

In the first week of semester, a satirical review of a new bar in Hamilton was printed in Nexus. This new bar, Venom, is a gay bar which is located in premises which used to house a heavy-metal bar by the name of 6 ft Under.

The review played on the idea that while bogan culture is laden with homoerotic rituals and practices, bogans are also stereotypically homophobic. It was only a small piece and I’m sure that when Dawn put it to print, she had no inkling of the bizarre responses that Nexus was going to receive in the ensuing weeks.

It started with general comments from people affiliated with bogan culture saying that they thought that it was very inappropriate to not make it clear to bogans that their favourite bar now housed fags, dykes and house music.

‘You don’t want to confuse the bogans’, one very concerned young man told me. God forbid Nexus should confuse bogans!

It all seemed pretty ridiculous and, to be honest, distressed World War IV fans were the least of my worries during my first week of work here. Instead I focussed on learning as quickly as possible how to spit out one of these magazines every week, while I still had Dawn around to show me the ropes. And, so far, it’s been an interesting few weeks. I’ve learnt a lot about what Nexus is to students, what student’s expect from their magazine and how

it’s impossible to please everybody. Actually, it’s nigh on impossible to please anybody.

One of the main tensions I’ve identified since I became editor is that a great deal of people ‘in the know’ hold the belief that, as a rule, the student body aren’t very intelligent.

The masses don’t know what’s good for them, apparently. From that, it’s inferred that I should direct the content of this magazine towards the lowest common denominator. ‘The students are stupid, they don’t care about real issues’. That’s what I’m being told about you lot. And I thought this was pretty ridiculous. I mean, this is a university. Surely you people are here for a reason, aren’t you? You’re not amoebas, right? I had resolved that I was going to fill this magazine with critical analyses of relevant issues and biting satire. I didn’t know where I was going to find any of that stuff, but I was sure that where there’s a will, there’s a way. As an editor, I was going to have to set the tone and direct the content away from clubbing and sluts. Which, in case you hadn’t noticed, a lot of our contributors enjoy writing about.

Fast forward a fortnight and I’m getting a phone call from the owner of Venom. A couple of young university students, who we’ll call Bogan 1 and Bogan 2, went into Venom the other night expecting to find a metal bar.

They were shocked and horrified to find that there were ‘out’ homosexuals in the room, as opposed to the still-closeted ones they were

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expecting to find. The very good-natured owner took no offence at the boys’ reactions and reasoned that they probably had never been exposed to gay culture in an urban setting (which is naturally a little different to the gay culture you get in haybarns around the Waikato). He offered them free drinks but this wasn’t enough to stop them from going on a small bottle-smashing rampage.

(I have a sneaky feeling that these young men were probably feeling rather aroused by all the hot young boys in the room and didn’t know quite how to express themselves, hence the smashing of glass phalluses).

I guess Nexus has to take a degree of responsibility for the actions of these two young men. It’s not like we can make them take responsibility for themselves. It would seem that when Nexus made the assumption that university students are able to understand what they’re reading, Nexus was wrong. When I defended the sensibilities of students to the people who told me that you’re all a pack of munters who spend your lives drinking KGBs and sleeping your way around your dorms, I might have been mistaken.

I think Nexus has quite a way to go before it begins to accurately reflect a proper cross-section of the student population and their interests. I will spend the next year endeavouring to at least move us further along the road towards that goal. And I’m really hoping that, in order to do that, I don’t have to create a magazine for stupid people. I don’t want to believe that universities have been dumbed down to the extent that all the people within them are now pretty much without any sense or comprehension. But the evidence isn’t particularly inspiring. We’re hoping that Bogan 1 and Bogan 2 represent a minority of the student body, but to hear that any Nexus readers are engaging in violence because they couldn’t understand a satirical piece is pretty disheartening. So, if you’re one of those people, I would ask you to put this magazine down now. This is a university publication and it isn’t for dumb dumbs. If you can’t comprehend what you’re reading, then you needn’t read it.

And to read Venom’s much kinder response to this situation, turn to page 32.

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

Nexus News Trolley derby won by NCEA shit

By JOSH DRUMMOND PHOTOS BY GLEN DELAMERE

The inaugural Waikato University Trolley Derby was “completely fucking awesome,” say competitors and organisers alike.

The day saw seven variously themed trolley teams and a crowd of around 70 supporters turn up to the terrifyingly steep hill at the Management Carpark near Gate Seven to cheer and race their creations at breakneck speed. The Studentville and Big TV crews also put in an appearance, filming segments for an upcoming episodes of their shows.

Teams included NCEA, whose car was shaped like a giant turd (and, eventually, proved faster than diarrhoea, winning the event overall.)

Then there was Coke, whose predictably efficient effort wiped out spectacularly and satisfyingly on its third run, landing the driver in the Emergency Room with a scraped arm and bruised ego. Fridge Racer entered with the titular racing fridge, and picked up Best Trolley. Team XXXX (forgot the name, sorry) entered with an actual bed which was modded out with wheels and blankets. Another team whose name we can’t remember dressed in Santa Claus outfits (on a 25-degree day, which earned them Best Dressed as well as Most Heat-struck) with a miniscule, dangerous trolley that completely succeeded in tipping over at least three times on every run.

“NCEA was the fastest team on the day… NCEA was, um, ah, close to being the best looking cart, a great big poo sliding down the hill. The Coke trolley had the biggest crash and the most blood spilt, and the Fridge Racer was engineering at its best,” said organiser James “Elmo” Hartnett.

NCEA won a 21 inch TV, a dvd player and a stereo system, courtesy of Coke. There were bar tabs for the other place-getters.

Nexus also put in an appearance, with a cart drunkenly constructed at 4 AM on the day out of two shopping trolleys and a broken bicycle.

With the marked handicap of not having any working brakes or steering, the Nexus team achieved a minor miracle in making it down the hill the required three times, despite numerous, amusing crashes and a “Cool Runnings” style finish. See the fact box for details.

Delegates from the Engineering school also came, and brought with them the WESMO car fresh from competing in the Formula SAE competition in Australia. The car performed burnouts and a demonstration run down the hill for the appreciative crowd. Ambience

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

The winning turd, I mean, trolley. It’s a PIECE OF SHIT TROLLEY ANYWAY.

was provided by Hamilton band Dynamo Go, whose slick pop-rock provided a pumping soundtrack to a hot day of racing.

“Make me sound cool,” said Elmo. “Stop making me look like an idiot. Yeah, you write it bro, that’ll be cool. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! You’re a penis. You’re a penis Josh. Ask me questions. Stop writing everything I say. He’s writing it down! Anyway, um, it was… oh. Such a wicked way to end a wicked week. It had everything, there was carnage, there was fun, stop making me say wicked, it was a precursor for what we’re gonna have in the future, and it’s just going to get bigger and better.

Stop making me sit down and fucking talk to you because I’ve got better things to do than have you make me look like a dick in Nexus.”

www.nexusmag.co.nz

WSU President Sehai Orgad was in attendance, but we can’t be arsed asking her for a comment so we won’t. We’re sure she’d say it was “great.”

There was also a Miss Trolley Derby, which went off after an initial paucity of entrants was made up by with a nonfemale entrant.

“We had seven entrants, six of which were female, and one who might have been a guy,” said organiser Leanne Bullick.

“Elmo asked them all a few questions, and none of them answered correctly [the answer to “will you sleep with me” was apparently “yes.”] Watching the contestants hammer nails into wood was fun – only a couple of them actually got it right.”

The Miss Trolley Derby winner was Phoebe, who picked up $200 worth of Principals vouchers. In second place was Kim, who won $150 worth of haircare from Campus Cuts, and third place was Toni who won a $50 voucher from About Me. After the success of the first Trolley Derby, organisers are hinting there might be a second – later this year.

“Next one will be huger, and again Josh makes me look like a dick. Ah, don’t write that down, it makes me look like a wank! Fuck. Um. Yeah, the next one’ll be cool, it’ll stand on its own, and with the whole year to work on and market it we’ll get over 30, maybe 40 competitors, and some major media attention,” Elmo said.

“We’ll be looking at doing it again at the end of the year, so get working on your trolleys – Trolley Derby 07, Take Two!”

THE NEXUS TROLLEY CRASH IN ALL ITS WONDEROUS AND PAINFUL GLORY. SWEET SWEET GLORY PAIN.

Safety is for Losers If you noticed that your life got a little better on Saturday afternoon, you were probably feeling the effects of the shockwave caused by the breaking of the Awesome Barrier by the Nexus team. The inaugural Coca-Cola Trolley Derby provided the perfect venue for the cleverly-titled suxeN wagon to wow spectators and boggle OSH inspectors. Piloted by legendary Captain vitaminC along with trusty aids Special K and Josh the News Guy, the contraption consisted of two shopping trolleys strapped to a bike. This satisfied the regulations of having steering and brakes, as well as the construction limitations of building a trolley while drunk at 4am on the day of the race. Despite contravening the rule about “no shopping trolleys,” the suxeN-mobile was certified as race-able.

After a shaky first run, the second trial featured some beautiful drifting direct from Akina Mountain, and raised the bar for shopping trolley races nationwide. The 3rd trial, in which Captain C attached reins to the handles and rode standing up with Special K and Josh riding inside and wielding oars for some reason, resulted in spectacular thrills and spills, with only one crowd member (a sponsor) hospitalised. This, sadly, completely wrecked the trolley. A rebuild of the remains of the machine with a strip back to one trolley and half a bike made for a rather unsteady roll down the hill for the 4th run, with a couple more crashes and a CoolRunnings finish, complete with slow clap and – eventually – thunderous applause. For their efforts, the Nexus team received the Jackass Award and a $100 bar tab at Bahama Hut.

CONTESTANTS IN THE MISS TROLLEY DERBY COMPETITION www.nexusmag.co.nz

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

News

Non-student rips off hardship fund

By Laura McQuillan (Salient)

A former Vic student has received a hardship grant from the University – despite having dropped out of university several months ago.

The former student, who did not wish to be named, provided Salient with a letter from Financial Support and Advice (formerly named Student Financial Advisory Service) which says that he had received two payments totaling $560. The two payments included a $100 advance in December last year and $460 in January this year “for bond”.

He also told Salient that he dropped out of University during last year as the course he was taking was “a girl’s subject”, and that he intended to move to Australia in 2007.

He said the University required little evidence from him - only a bank statement

from him as proof of his financial situation - and that he merely said to Financial Support and Advice staff that he was intending to return to University this year to get a hardship grant.

The former student also said that buying beer was more important than buying food, and that that was what he intended to use the money for.

Financial Support and Advice Manager Barbara Scelly says that this may not be the only case of people ripping off the service, but that she does not want genuine cases to miss out.

“It’s distressing…I have no doubt it’s happened but I don’t really want to view everyone who walks in the door with suspicion because there are so many people who need help. I don’t know how he manipulated it or how it happened,” says

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Scelly.

Scelly also said the service tends to “err on the generous side” and give students the benefit of the doubt when approving grants, so students don’t continue to struggle after they receive assistance.

The service has been approached by a number of students so far this year for a variety of reasons, with around a third being for accommodation issues, due to the current ‘accommodation crisis’ in Wellington.

The service offers not only hardship grants, but financial planning assistance and advice, help with Studylink issues and financial statements for scholarship applications.

Financial Support and Advice is located at 14 Kelburn Parade. Appointments are essential.

Alliteration attacks Antipodeans!

Australasian analysts are astounded amidst announcements about alliteration attacking assholes.

Apparently, all archetypal Australians are agonizing after an arduous attack around August afternoon, although alarming approaches at achieving alliteration absolution are acquiring apathy at astounding amounts.

Active Australian athletics advocate Aaron Arnett asphyxiated after an additional allergy attack artificially assisted an asthmatic alligator.

Alliteration’s adversaries are attempting apologist arguments, and advise against allowing artistic abuse around ardent asthmatic altercations.

Arrogant American axiom adherents are attending Automatic Alliteration Advents, aiming at absconding arbitrary addictive additives and appropriating all aggressive assaults against alliteration. Awkward arbitration amounts as an advantageous acuity, avoiding ancient abominable attempts at averting an annoying admonition account.

Amen.

www.nzblood.co.nz 10

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

www.nexusmag.co.nz

News

Petition destroyed by activist

By Laura McQuillan

A petition to make student association membership voluntary at Victoria University in Wellington was torn up by a student activist on Cultural Clubs Day last Wednesday.

Student Choice, a campus group which advocates Voluntary Student Membership (VSM), created the petition in their ongoing effort to make VUWSA membership voluntary.

Two pages of the petition, one of which was taped to the Student Choice desk, and the other being carried by VUWSA enthusiast Nicholas O’Kane, were destroyed by Peace Action Group member Kerry Tankard.

Tankard told Salient that after being a VUWSA volunteer for several years, she was enraged by Student Choice’s attempt to gather support for VSM, particularly at a VUWSA-run event such as Clubs Day. VUWSA executive members told Salient that VUWSA in no way supports the destruction of the petition.

Student Choice rep Mike Heine said he was furious about the destruction of the petition. “A lot of hard work had gone into the day, we’d been there for three-and-a-half hours, we had a lot of support and it was all ripped up and thrown out.”

Heine says: “There are a lot of people who don’t see value in what they’re getting or not getting anything and they’re saying why should we have to join and subsidise others who are getting something, and it’s for those people, and people that VUWSA don’t represent.

“It’s about giving them a choice whether or not they want to join a union. If you have a choice to join a club or a trade union, it’s the same thing for our student unions as well.”

ACT MPs Heather Roy and Rodney Hide were also on campus to promote VSM for student unions and associations.

Roy told Salient that she is in favour of VSM as students’ associations are the only ‘unions’ in the country which have compulsory membership.

Roy currently has a private member’s bill for VSM in the ballot before the House of Representatives.

Police ‘thrilled’ at huge West Coast cannabis haul West Coat Police have announced they are “thrilled but surprised” at the amount of cannabis plants found during a 6-day operation. Up to 19 police and 11 Air Force staff found and incinerated more that 6500 cannabis plants, about 1500 more than usual for this time of the season. Sergeant Russell Glue commented “We found 6500 plants, and we normally only find 5000 plants so that’s 1500 more than normal, because 5000 is 1500 less than 6500.” Sgt. Glue also said that a large number of cannabis plants had been found. “We’re pretty thrilled with the result, but surprised as well, because there so many. 1500 more than usual, in fact”.

The cannabis was found growing from the ground up and down the entire length of the west coast. Police recovered a large number of cannabis plants, and the 6500 cannabis plants will be brought to justice. Additionally, a large number of class-b drugs - also known as bannabis - were found, leaving police “thrilled but surprised”.

Mr. Glue said they would be appearing in Greymouth and Westport district courts over the next few weeks. It was unsure if he was referring to the growers or the cannabis, or the bannabis. An unnamed Police Officer also commented that he was “really hungry, eh.”

Amnesia Flu On The Rise Australasian scientists yesterday announced they were baffled at the recent surge in cases of viral amnesia, a previously rare contagious organism that causes memory loss or disorientation. Johnathan McMurdo, a leading Australian researcher in the field recently released this statement: “Australasian scientists yesterday announced they were baffled at the recent surge in cases of viral amnesia, a previously rare contagious organism that causes memory loss or disorientation” It is unsure how this will affect society as a whole if it becomes further spread, but Health and Safety officials are baffled at the recent surge in cases of viral amnesia, a previously rare contagious organism that can cause Johnathan McMurdo, a leading Australian researcher in the field recently whom released this viral amnesia, a previously rare contagious organism that causes memory loss or disorientation. It is unsure how this will affect society as a whole if it becomes further spread, but Health and Safety Australasian scientists yesterday announced they were baffled at the recent surge in cases of viral amnesia, a previously rare contagious organism that causes memory loss or disorientation.

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ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

11

News

Haiku News

BY DRUMMOND-SAN

Paris Hilton caught driving whilst on probation Silly little minx It is time for jail now Get your lips ready

China bans new internet cafes for a year Nerds in China are Dying to use the internet Literally.

Puff Daddy punches a dude at the Oscars

Greens and Maori set to flex muscles in next election

No-one likes your tunes PR attempt at “gangsta” You are a has-been

Green and Maori powers combine!

Their only weakness?

Election bribes.

Anna-Nicole supposedly died of pneumonia

Weirdly wired man triggers LA Airport security scare

The crazy wench died We know the true reason why Scientologists

Minister orders parole be toughened up

Man with a magnet in his arse Scares police and pilot Lands plane fast

Minister says parole-ees Won’t get Xboxes Or PlayStation Threes.

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12

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

NO PROBLEM, THEY’LL BE RESTOCKING THE MURAL SOON

Multi-national corporation have to spend a couple of hundred bucks fixing mural

By Andrew Neal

The controversial Coke mural next to Campus Copy was defaced and vandalised in the last week.

The mural depicting a giant bottle of Coca-Cola and the slogan “live on the coke side of life” has had the bottle painted over by what seems to be red house paint and the words “SOLD OUT” have been scrawled in white.

The vandalism was fairly subtle; not many people noticed and when campus security and Campus Services Limited (CSL) were approached by Nexus they claimed this was the first they had heard of it, despite the defacing having occurred two days earlier.

Daniel Workman from Coca Cola said that the mural was “sad looking,” and that they have talked to some local sign writers to have it fixed shortly. Workman said he was informed by maintenance staff of the problem soon after the vandalism occurred.

WSU president Sehai Orgad stated that she personally thought it was “a little bit sad, that some one felt they had to deface something to make a point.” Another student said they “didn’t really care,” but that the mural “did add some colour to the uni.” www.nexusmag.co.nz

News

Trump encourages Miss Universe entrants to be beautiful, wear hairpieces The search for Miss Universe New Zealand 2007 is on and this year the public can have their say in who should represent our country internationally.

From this year’s 24 contestants the winner will depart New Zealand on April 29 to go on to the Miss Universe 2007 pageant in Mexico City May 28th 2007.

Your vote can help the judges make a decision.

Newly appointed National Director, Val Lott, re-launched Miss Universe New Zealand in March 2006 after an absence of five years.

The world’s best-known beauty pageant has enjoyed considerable exposure in New Zealand over many years and is an annual tradition with countless young women around the world vying to become Miss Universe.

In the words of Donald Trump, founder of the Miss Universe Organization; “Miss Universe is about finding the most beautiful girl in the world, it is a company that provides smart, beautiful, ambitious women with once-in-alifetime opportunities in mentoring, career training, resources and life experiences.”

The chosen charity of this year’s pageant is “Look Good Feel Better”.

Vote for Miss Universe New Zealand on www.missuniversenz.co.nz

Cullen loves Phillip Three thousand Modern Apprentices have now completed their training – proof that the Labour-led government’s revitilisation of trades training is continuing to bear fruit, Tertiary Education Minister Michael Cullen ejaculated* today.

Dr Cullen made the announcement during a www.nexusmag.co.nz

visit to congratulate Auckland carpenter Phillip Newport – the 3000th Modern Apprentice to complete his training.

Phillip, 23, trained with Colin Bird Building Services Ltd and gained his National Certificate in Carpentry Level 4 through the Building Construction ITO. “Phillip typifies the smart, young trainees coming through the system who have acquired valuable skills to serve them and their employers well in the future,” salivated Dr Cullen. “If we are to transform New Zealand into a higher growth, higher skilled economy we need more workers like Phillip.” * “Ejaculated” is an olde English term for “exclaimed”. It’s not rude at all.

Do the Hippie Henna Shake This one-day workshop, facilitated by the University of Waikato’s Centre for Continuing Education, will look at traditional Indian body art of Henna Mehndi.

It will explore the decorative and medicinal aspects of this beautiful art form, and also the language/symbols of identity and religion that are used. Participants will also have ample opportunity to create and apply henna designs.

For further information or bookings for the workshop, which will be held on Saturday, 21 April, phone: 027 286 7454 or email: nyree@ waikato.ac.nz

Feminist deconstruction of destructive constructions, postmodernism Professor Kum-Km Bhavnani from the University of California, Santa Barabara will be on campus Tues 20, Wed 21 and Thurs 22 March.

Prof Bhavnani has recently made a film titled “The Shape of Water” which tells the

stories of women in Third World Countries – but women who are confronting the destructive development that’s occurring in their countries. The film is narrated by Susan Sarandon and has also been chosen to screen at NZ’s Human Rights Commission Film Festival (which unfortunately doesn’t come to Hamilton.)

On Tues 20 March Prof Bhavnani is giving a lecture in the evening (6-9pm) at the Academy titled “Dancing on the edge” Women, culture and a passion for change”.

On Wed 21 March her film will screen in S block from 6-7.30pm with the launch of the Women’s and Gender Studies graduate programme at 5.

Entry is free, or a gold coin donation to go towards her film fund.

Hamilton’s carbon emissions to increase by over 8000 per cent Hamilton and New Zealand’s only V8 Supercar franchise Team Kiwi Racing have agreed a highly valuable sponsorship which will see the Hamilton logo appear on the bonnet of the team’s new car.

The city will be the home for a new street race for seven years from 2008, which will be New Zealand’s only round of the V8 Supercar Championship.

Team Kiwi Racing owner David John says while the details of the sponsorship are confidential because of their commercial nature, it is an arrangement that will deliver huge promotional benefits to the city of Hamilton.

“As well as having the Hamilton logo on the bonnet of our new car, which is racing for the first time in Adelaide this weekend for the season opener at the Clipsal 500, we will also be able to promote Hamilton through many of the other arrangements we have in place.

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REDMAN SAYS Hamilton’s sexiest Mayor keeps you up with what’s hot with the ‘tron Ever taken the time to consider what this city is going to be like in 10 years time when you’ve joined the workforce and are making some big life decisions such as buying a house or starting a family? What shape the city takes over the next decade will have a big impact on what sort of career and salary opportunities are available to you and what your lifestyle will be like if you choose to settle in Hamilton. You probably haven’t been thinking about this but we have. We’ve pulled our vision for the city into a 10-year plan.

This year, we kick into the second year of this plan so we’d like to have you give us your views on what you’ll need and want from your city in the future.

Previously we’ve completed our Proposed Annual Plan and gone out to the community for feedback by holding public meetings.

These meetings have typically attracted just a handful of people per evening so this year we’ve taken the hint and replaced the public meetings with an interactive information day called the YOUR CITY Expo, which will be held at Claudelands Events Centre on 31 March from 11am-3pm.

Whatever you’re interested in, be it community facilities, entertainment venues, events or whatever, you will have a direct line to the people responsible for these projects at the Expo. Your questions and views go straight to the people who can make changes and act on your feedback.

It’ll be a worthwhile day out free of charge at the expo. In the theme of the V8 Supercars event, which is just one year away from coming to Hamilton, you can taste some of the action yourself in the V8 simulator or check out the Team Kiwi’s brand new Ford Supercar ‘in the flesh’. There’s even free food.

This is your city so make sure you have a hand in making it a place that serves you well in the future. See you at YOUR CITY Expo.

If you can’t make it to the expo but have a question you’d like answered about our plans for the city, email us at nexusline@hcc. govt.nz and we’ll answer some of the questions submitted in the May edition of Nexus.

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ADVICE BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE

CITIZENS ADVICE BUREAU

“I was cheated!”

Xavier bought a car from a fellow student. He paid $5000 for it and has just discovered there was money owing on it and there were mechanical faults. What can he do?

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have.

They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 11am – 2pm daily during semesters or phone 838 4466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB. By the way if you are buying privately (ie from its owner who is not a dealer) then you are not covered by the Consumer Guarantees Act. Therefore you MUST check. a. If there is money owing check www.ppsr.govt.nz , www. lemoncheck.co.nz, www.vir.co.nz, www.autofinder.co.nz . (Some of these sites cost money for the information) or phone 090055007 (also a charge). b.The car must have a warrant of fitness which has been issued not more than a month before hand. c. If something goes wrong with a car bought privately you may be able to claim a refund under the Contractual Remedies Act if the seller provided untrue information and therefore you have lost money. d. You and the owner must complete a change of ownership form within 7 days of purchasing (from Post Shop, AA, or Vehicle Testing). It is important to ensure this is done by BOTH parties.

www.nexusmag.co.nz

LETTUCE Letter of the week Have analysis, will subvert multinational marketing campaigns Dear Lettuce, I wanted to write and congratulate the person that covered up that ghastly coke mural by the banks area, reworking it to be informative, and thought provoking. The new mural is so much better than the old one, every time I walk

by I admire it. I can only hope that the new art was done by a caring student, as this would make me proud to share a campus with an individual who has critical analysis of how the uni does seem to have SOLD OUT to coke. Kia Kaha to the anonymous artist, I look forward to seeing more of your work around campus.

Marama Mayrick Congrats Marama, you’ve earnt yourself a $5 Campus Kiosk voucher.

Come claim your victory at the Nexus office.

Men banned due to man-ness Dear Lettuce Men need Love too....

I have just been going through the latest diary and find it amusing that Women get there own room on campus that “is a designated Safe Space, where users can be free from homophobia, racism, sexism and hate”.

While I have no problem with women having a room can someone please explain to me the following; How a room can be free from sexism when it is only for one sex?

Is the room only for female homo’s and not male homo’s?

Is racism only targeted at women?

Makes you think what the hell is this world coming to...Equal rights for all....

Mere Male

www.nexusmag.co.nz

Get it to nexus@waikato.ac.nz by 5pm and Tues for the final issue – our study week special.

Letter of the week wins a $5 voucher from Campus Kiosk (up at the Cowshed) Alternatively, sign up to www.nexusmag.co.nz/forum and post your letters, notices, events, discuss various student topics and issues and just shoot the shit.

The problem with chalk and the lunatic fringe Dear Lettuce It’s now the second week of semester, and already a member of crossroads has pissed me off due to their, quite frankly, huge lack of maturity. I was chilling on Tyr’s Day with some buddies who were doing some chalking for the Waikato University Pagan Society. I walked onto campus this morning to find that someone from crossroads had been chalking too. That’s cool, that’s not a problem. The problem is that the dickhead(s) had scrubbed out the chalking for the Pagan Club. Whoever you are, you are pathetic, you insecure little worm(s)! What happened tho “love thy neighbour”? Don’t be hating on people just because your religion conflicts with their belief system. What did Pagans ever do to you you arrogant wankpot(s)? Where in the bible does Jesus say “Truly I say to thee, stamp out anything in this world that you don’t agree with”? We live in a world where people are free to believe and live as they please, as long as they do not use their freedom to infringe on the freedom of others. Why don’t you find out what Paganism is actually about, before you go labeling them as devil worshippers or whatever you judge them to be. What are you afraid of?

You sackmaggot. I hope you turn orange and your head falls off at an awkward moment.

Daaaaaargh! xoxo Harlief Skankhammer II

There is no mention of poop in this letter Heya Nexus, Is it just me or is it kind of silly that they had that really nice grass planted and carefully tended to only to have O’week come along and flatten and ruin its once shiny lustre? Perhaps there was no other way to get around it but it seems a shame that the once beautiful grassy area has turned into a sad one with brown patches.

Regards, Grass Appreciatron

There is mention of poop in this letter Dear Ed, Surely I am not the first to notice this stinky stench. There’s that garden bit at the banks next to oranga, just before the disabled ramp where it smells like shit. What is up with that?

Why does it smell like someone pooped their pants 24/7? It was like that last year too.

Please, someone get rid of that stench!

Either the University or the WSU (hello, environmental officers?). It fucken stinks.

Mike

Our internet forum has a fan Hi Nexus, I went to your online forum and it sucks donkey balls. I should DDOS it just ‘cause I can. PHPBB is for n00bs who want to be constantly spammed by spam bots.

Suck my dick lamos, Pepe

Sex-starved bigots have needs Dear editor What’s up with you guys? All I see is mockery and sedition. There is no real content except for anti-religious ranting, anti-antireligious ranting, and some loser on your forums whinging about the nature of social constructs and system tendencies. Why not throw gumboots with nails in them out of the window, and then interview the people they hit with questions about relevant, real-life issues.

Like war, and fast food globalisation which is real evil you know, and also Muslims, Vegans, and Vego-Muslims.

Sincerely Sexually Frustrated in Collage Hall

Lettuce Policy Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page – serious or otherwise. Letters should be no more than 250 words and received by 5pm on the Tuesday before publication. All letters will generally be printed so give it a bash, but the editor retains the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Bad spelling and grammar will not be corrected.

Pseudonyms are acceptable but all letters must include your real name and contact details even if you don’t want them printed (and they won’t be printed!). We discourage the use of pseudonyms for serious letters.

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

15

WELL THEN, WE’ll HELP YOU Put your free time to good use!

Write for us, and impress thousands of beautiful women and men every week! Nexus needs volunteer writers, reviewers and columnists to contribute to Nexus magazine in 2007. We can’t pay you, but you’ll make great friends, get real publishing experience and have really cool something to boast about. And sometimes we can give you beer and chocolate.

* Groupies may differ from those advertised. Your results may vary.

So what are you waiting for? Fame, fortune and fabulously hot groupies await.* You can either send your story ideas to nexus@waikato. ac.nz, fill in the Nexus contributor form on page 15 and hand it in, visit www.nexusmag.co.nz/contribute and fill in an electronic contributor form, or come see us in person on the ground floor of the Student Union building on the Uni campus.

The voice of the students.

Feature

I

f you’re a first year student at waikato, you’ve

probably been introduced to The Chlamydia Triangle in the last couple of weeks. If you haven’t and you’re not sure exactly what is meant by that lovely label, then you should know that The Chlamydia Triangle refers to an area in the central business district of Hamilton which is rather triangular in shape and home to a number of popular bars. You go in to the triangle with genitalia intact; you leave with a sexually transmitted infection.

It may sound like some sort of urban mythology, but the term Chlamydia Triangle was in fact developed and popularised by local sexual health workers for good reason. Because the Waikato has high rates of sexually transmitted infections and young people are at risk of engaging in unprotected or high risk sexual activity when they’re under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.

So, you go out, you get pissed, you meet someone who you think you might like to sleep with. Or maybe you don’t even think that all. You just wake up with a vague memory of doing something in the disabled toilets that you’re not sure your mum would be proud of. You carry on with your life. And then, all of a sudden, you find yourself having stomach pains. You might have some sort of discharge that doesn’t smell or look exactly as it should. It’s not until you end up in the www.nexusmag.co.nz

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

17

Feature

emergency room at Waikato Hospital with suspected appendicitis that you discover that, actually, you have an STI like Chlamydia or Gonorrhoea. In fact, you don’t just have an STI. You were without symptoms for long enough that now the infection has spread throughout your reproductive organs and caused Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. Your ability to have children has been compromised, or maybe completely destroyed, and you’re suffering unbearable pain and discomfort. All because you went out and got drunk. Just like you do every weekend.

• 80% of sexually active individuals will contract Human Papilloma Virus (the cause of genital warts and cervical cancer).

• 65% of chlamydia, gonorrhoea, genital herpes and genital warts cases are diagnosed in individuals under 25 • Syphilis and HIV rates have both increased significantly over the past 5 years, mainly in Auckland and Waikato (Sources: Family Planning Association, Ministry of Health, Environmental Science and Research Services)

made along the way which help to shape you into a grown-up. Unfortunately, when it comes to your sexual health, mistakes in this area can have long-term consequences. Even more long-term than the consequences you might expect for stealing mailboxes. Caring for your own health is actually quite a grown-up thing to do and it’s not necessarily something you’ve been taught. When students move to a new city to go to university, they may well be leaving behind not just caring parents but a family doctor who offered continual care throughout their life. Taking the initiative to establish a

When it comes to your sexual health, mistakes in this area can have long-term consequences. Even more long-term than the consequences you might expect for stealing mailboxes.

That scenario isn’t uncommon. To the extent that the shame and stigma attached to STI’s is now completely ridiculous because it’s quite likely that most of you have had or will get a lurgy in your pants at some point in the next few years. Here’s some statistics to frighten you: • Chlamydia rates in New Zealand are five times higher than those in Australia.

• The highest rates of Chlamydia in New Zealand are found in females aged 15 to 24 years. This is three times higher than the males for the same age group.

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For some young people, sexual health is not a priority or even a consideration. A number of factors contribute to this unfortunate situation.

Firstly, when you leave home and go off to university, most of your brain space is absorbed by the following: working out how to bullshit your way through a degree; finding food; finding alcohol; finding someone to have sex with. The having sex bit is probably more likely to lead to an STI than stealing essays off the internet, but you never know. Certainly, one should be wary of plagiarism and not just because it’ll get you kicked out of uni.

You’re learning how to be an adult during these years and there will be lots of mistakes

relationship with a new healthcare practitioner, or even to seek out any health care at all, might not be your number one on your things to do list.

So, what do we know about preventing STI’s. Well, it’s not quite as simple as wearing a condom. Condoms can be really effective at preventing the transmissions of infections like HIV, Chlamydia, Syphilis and the like, but only if they’re worn every time you have sex.

Karen*, a second year management student used condoms almost every time she had sex with Gavin*. ‘The first time I went home with him, we had sex three times and he wore a fresh condom each time. We carried on seeing each other for a few weeks and there was just one time that we didn’t use a condom.’ Karen was satisfied that she and Gavin had taken adequate precautions and they discussed their sexual histories as well, with each confident that the other had nothing to fear. Three months later, during a routine smear test, Karen’s doctor asked if she’d had any new sexual partners and would she like to be tested for STI’s during the procedure. ‘I said “go ahead”, but I never thought in a million years that I’d get a positive result back.’ In fact, Karen’s test results revealed not just that she had Chlamydia, but her smear showed abnormal pre-cancerous cells were present on her cervix – a result of the Human Papilloma Virus. ‘The doctor said I probably would have caught HPV from an earlier partner, because the cells on my cervix would have taken a while to change like that. But that’s the scary part – I www.nexusmag.co.nz

Feature

never had unprotected sex before Gavin. So how the hell did I catch the genital warts virus?”

Karen was unaware that, while condoms effectively protect against most STI’s when they’re used properly, condoms may not protect against genital warts or herpes, due to the fact that these warts or blisters can be present in and around the general area of your rude bits, not just on the genitals themselves. And certainly, in regards to catching Chlamydia, it only takes one time without a condom. All those other nights of carefulness are thrown out the window when you decide to take a chance like that.

Karen was lucky that her Chlamydia was diagnosed early enough that no long term damage was caused to her reproductive organs, such as scarring on the fallopian tubes. Her friend Amy* wasn’t so lucky – she ended up in hospital with abdominal pain so severe that she thought she was dying. It turned out that Amy had contracted Gonorrhoea from her boyfriend, who had contracted it while having sex with a male friend around a year earlier. She hadn’t noticed any strange symptoms, except for some spotting between her periods, until she was struck down with the abdominal pain. By the time Gonorrhoea was diagnosed, Amy had Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. A laparoscopy revealed that the scarring in her fallopian tubes was so severe that doctors told her she would never be able to conceive a baby naturally. Karen was devastated for her friend and also deeply conscious of how close she came to the same outcome.

‘All of her dreams for the future are shattered. What if the person

individual choice to abstain from sex until marriage, or maybe for life, most people will have sex if they can get it. Thus, abstinence fails to provide the majority of adults with protection against STI’s.

(Nexus is aware that sexual health workers often advise people to use dental dams. We asked around and discovered that nobody we could find had ever seen or used a dental dam. If anyone wants to try one out and then write us a letter about it, we might give you a free CD or some lube).

“What if the person she wants to spend her life with can’t deal with the fact that she can’t conceive? Will she ever be able to have a family?” she wants to spend her life with can’t deal with the fact that she can’t conceive? Will she ever be able to have a family? It’s devastating and that could have been my prognosis as well.’

Aside from condoms, there’s abstinence. Religious groups generally promote the idea that sex should only occur within marriage and claim that STI’s are God’s way of punishing sex-mad heathens. The reality is that for the majority of young people existing in secular society, abstinence is not an option that they’re willing to entertain. And, many would argue, it’s not something that sexually mature adults should necessarily have to consider. The values which underpinned the free love movements of the 1960s still exist to a large degree today. The difference is that we have HIV to contend with nowadays and not many people wear flares anymore. So, while you might have made an

So, when can condoms be discarded? Well, most likely when you are absolutely positive that you and your sexual partner are free of infections. This requires a proactive approach to sexual health and a great deal of trust as well – you’ve got to have a reasonably strong belief that your girlfriend or boyfriend isn’t shagging everything that moves when your back is turned. Common sense would suggest that if you want to throw the condoms away, you and your partner need to visit a sexual health clinic or GP together, have a full round of tests, get the results on paper and share them with each other. If it’s all clear, then you can burn the rubbers. This sort of thing requires good communication and trust between you both, but those things are usually prerequisites for excellent sex as well. So it’s a win-win situation. If you’re not able to take this step with your partner, then keep the condoms on.

The truth about foam parties and eye herpes Next time your friend invites you to a foam party, you might want to think twice about going along. Ocular herpes is a genuine infection that can occur in the eye and can be transferred from oral or genital herpes. While there’s no actual evidence to support the urban legend that the foam at foam parties can transmit herpes from one person’s mouth to another person’s eye, we at Nexus suspect that it happens all the time. You might think bumping and grinding in a foamy environ makes for a great night out, but when your eye is a pus-ridden seeping blister from hell, you might have other ideas.

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ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

19

Best check yourself before you wreck yourself Stick this page on the wall in your bathroom. You and your flat mates won’t regret it.

Don’t forget: you can have no symptoms and still have a sexually transmitted infection. Have a sexual health check-up between each sexual partner. This might mean twice a week for some of you. You grosshead.

Do I have Crabs?

Do I have Gonorrhoea?

Don’t jump to the conclusion that just because you haven’t noticed large orange crustaceans nipping at your bits that you don’t have Crabs. In a sexual health context, when we say Crabs we are in fact referring to Pubic Lice. They are like head lice except they’re in your pants. Symptoms include: • Itching in the pubic or groin area • Smug lice, waving at you when you examine your pubic hair

30-60% of men and women will have no symptoms. If symptoms do occur, it could be between 2-30 days of exposure and may include some or all of the following:

Treatment: Don’t worry; you don’t have to shave them off, although it might be worth doing anyway. Might as well start fresh with a clean slate, so to speak. Usual treatment involves an overthe-counter lice shampoo. Then you need to use a fine-toothed comb to remove the lice and their eggs.

Do I have Genital Warts?

Symptoms include: • Warts That was easy. Do you have genital warts?

Treatment: Genital warts often disappear by themselves, however it is impossible to cure the virus that causes them and they may recur. There are a number of creams which can help the warts to recede. Otherwise your doctor might decide to burn them off with liquid nitrogen or a laser. *A vaccine which is purported to protect against HPV is now available for girls and women in New Zealand, as HPV can lead to cervical cancer.

Do I have Herpes?

If you catch Herpes, you will generally have at least one outbreak.

Often, outbreaks occur over the course of a lifetime. Symptoms include: • Initially, tingling or itching sensation in the affected location • A raised or swollen area on the skin • The swollen area then becomes painful in general & acutely sore when touched or moved • The sore area becomes an abscess • The abscess emits a clear fluid for a number of days • The abscess then becomes a scab and heals within 7-10 days Treatment: There is no cure for Herpes. Analgesics can help relieve pain and fever during an outbreak. Outbreaks can be controlled through the use of antiviral medication.

Women • Unusual vaginal discharge • Painful urination • Off-cycle menstrual bleeding • Bleeding after sex • Inflammation of the cervix • Vomiting and/or Fever • Abdominal pain

Men • Pain or burning while urinating • White, yellow or green discharge from penis • Redness around the urethra • Scrotal pain or swelling • Even if your peepee feels fine, you still might have some germs in it

NB: Both men and women can contract rectal Gonorrhoea (that’s in the bum).

Often there won’t be any symptoms but there may be some strange bottom discharge, pain on defecating and bleeding bottom. All of a sudden, this article has turned into an episode of The Young Ones. By the way, you can also get it in the throat. It will make your throat sore.

Treatment: Whether you’ve got Gonorrhoea in your hoohoo-dilly, cha-cha, wing wang or wibblydeewoo (vagina, penis, throat or anus), a single dose of antibiotics is used to treat this infection.

Do I have Chlamydia?

Remember, 75% of infected women and 50% of infected men will have no symptoms. If symptoms do occur, they usually appear within 1 to 3 weeks after exposure and may include some or all of the following:

Women • • • • •

Unusual vaginal bleeding Abdominal pain Pain during sex Fever Painful urination

Men • Pain or burning while urinating • Unusual discharge from penis • Swollen or tender testicles • Fever • Even if your peepee feels fine, you still might have some germs in it

Treatment: One dose of a super-duper antibiotic will usually kill these bacteria.

If in doubt, go give your doctor or nearest sexual health clinic a visit. It’s their job to help rid you of your STI demons.

If you’re in the market for a 2007 diary then come on up to the WSU reception or the Nexus office (both located on the ground floor in the Student Union Building) and grab yourself a free WSU 2007 Student Diary. They’re loaded with heaps of information to help you at Uni and also lots of fun stuff aside from the usual diary things. Come and get ‘em! They’re free!

ACCORDING TO A MEDIA RELEASE, WAIKATO HASN’T GOT A HOPE IN HELL OF WINNING THE UNI GAMES W

e got this strange press

release from a PR company regarding the uni games. They asked all the student magazines in the country to print this ‘article’.

Someone obviously got in trouble because by lunchtime we’d received an email asking us not to print it and that it was a ‘template’. So we thought we’d better print it as it came to us, just so you can see how naturally humourless and bizarre the public relations industry really is.

If you want to pay off your student loan before Steve Maharey loses his job as Tertiary Education Minister then you might like to think about putting some money on Team Canterbury winning back the Uni Games Shield this year.

As a responsible publication we would never condone gambling, smoking or any other vices (yeah, right!), but as a magazine here to inform and entertain we do feel a certain duty to point out that a small “investment’’ in Team Canterbury could bring significant rewards.

There’s no such thing as a sure bet but the odds of victory are definitely in Canterbury’s favour.

The home side is always difficult to beat and after eight years of agonizing near-misses the Shield is overdue to return to the province that gave New Zealand such sporting legends as Dan Carter, Richard Hadlee and Toddy.

It’s been a long-time between celebratory drinks and while Otago –the traditional powerhouse of New Zealand University sport with more Shield wins than any other university - has its eye on the silverware, it will have to step over a determined Canterbury side to get it.

Victoria University reckons it is in with 22

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

a chance to win the shield for the secondyear running after fielding a team of 500 in Wellington last year but new kids on the block, AUT, are keen to prove their sporting prowess and unseat Otago as the best sporting university in New Zealand.

Its neighbours at Auckland University has placed second for the last two years but could yet overcome their tendancy to always be the bridesmaid and never the bride to waltz down the aisle with the Shield.

Closer to home Lincoln, with its sporting scholarship programmes, has the potential to upstage some of its larger counterparts but we’re confident they’ll falter and fall against the might of Team Canterbury.

As for Waikato, Massey Palmerston North, Massey Wellington, Massey Albany, it would take a minor miracle for them to walk away with the Shield but they could yet prove the punters wrong.

“It’s going to be very interesting to see who comes out on top,’’ says University Sport New Zealand (USNZ) games director Jake Wilkins. “I know the Canterbury guys are feeling pretty confident but they’re going to face some stiff competition. It should make for a very good spectacle.’’

USNZ is hoping more than 2500 students from New Zealand’s 10 Universities will compete in the 28 sports at venues across Christchurch and Canterbury during the Games, which run from April 10 to 13, for the first time since 1999. Entrants from some Australian universities and the University of the South Pacific are also expected here to sample Christchurch’s southern hospitality and battle it out on the sporting field.

Canterbury has been at the forefront of university sport in New Zealand for over a century. Sport at an intercampus level dates back to 1900 when Canterbury and Otago University participated in a tennis match. A proposal was then put forward to organise the

first formal inter-university sports tournament which became a reality in 1902.

A local tournament committee – the forerunner to University Sport New Zealand held its first meeting on 1 April 1902, and Canterbury hosted the first Easter interuniversity sports tournament in which Canterbury, Auckland, Otago and Victoria competed in Athletics, Tennis and Debating.

Over the years further sports were added to the competition. Boxing and Shooting were added in 1921, Basketball in 1927, Swimming in 1930 and Rowing in 1932.

Now there are 28 sports – everything from underwater hockey and touch to rowing and mountainbiking - and the games are organized on a professional footing by University Sport New Zealand.

Work has also been done to improve the image of the Games after a riot broke out during the Games in Dunedin in the early 1990’s.

New policies promoting fair play and team spirit have been put in place and the social events associated with the games have been reviewed. Changes have also been made to the selection of Games hosts, with cities now tendering for the Games. This has helped in making them more profitable and well run.

The University Games are now the second largest sporting event regularly held in New Zealand after the Masters Games, with last year’s event attracting more than 2000 competitors.

“Obviously there is a still a huge social element to the games but a lot of work has gone into raising the standard of competition.

There are some very talented athletes among the student population and this is their chance to shine.

“A lot of people who have performed well at the University Games in the past have gone onto represent their country and no doubt that will continue,’’ Wilkins says.

www.nexusmag.co.nz

Columns

Chuck & Benjo’s Pop Review Welcome back to Chuck & Benjo’s Guide to Society! Well, we’ve returned to our role of mocking society and this week we’re doing it differently – examining pop music by being reviewers. And if you don’t like it, then nice! Our goal has been achieved. So all you unhappy people who hate us can go comb your ginger emo fringes and write us some hate mail. The album up for review is destined to be a classic: Britney Spears’ In the Zone.

The album begins with the Madonna-collaborating lesbian lovefest Me Against the Music, which sparkles with genuine dance-ability and Madonna (who is now a hot ginga) proving that she can still hold her own in a club full of young, nubile men and women. And seriously, lyrics such as “Hey Britney/You say you wanna lose Control/Come over here I’ve got something to show you” is pure genius. The album doesn’t let up, continuing with (I’ve got that) Boom Boom with the Ying Yang twins urging the listener to ‘go into the club and get crunk with Britney.’ But it’s not until track six that the album really picks up the pace. Yes, to all 3 people out there who actually bought the album, you know exactly what we’re talking about ... Toxic.

Monkey Feather Bar: Rebecca (Becs) Name: Time in hospo: 1 year Starsign: Aries Day-Job: WINZ Favourite drink to drink: and Coke a lot lately!

I’ve been into the Kahlua Favourite drink to make: Anything flaming!

Turn-on: interesting Guys that are funny and Turn-off: drunk Guys that are extremely : Worst pickup line received e for me and one for you” “I’ll have 2 quick fucks, on

Toxic is quite possible the best song of the album, if not her entire career. The use of the Bollywood-sounding strings and the James Bond feel elicits tears of white joy from our respective pee-pees.

The album does have some stinkers though. The song Touch of my Hand, which describes the magic of Britney finally discovering masturbation, is creepy and disturbing. Outrageous is just plain tacky. It’s like producer R Kelly was too busy having sexual relations with a 12 year old to bother producing a proper song.

On the whole In the Zone is not a flawless album but is a great example of Ms Spears growing up a little and getting dirty. She had some teething issues with its predecessor, the album Britney, but finally Britney is in the zone. Get it? See what we did there? We took the album title and used it to make a joke, see? Ouch, tough crowd.

On the “Chuck and Benjo Scale of Cooltasticness” we give the album 2 gingas out of 3 and negative 1 million emo kids. So all up, an 8/10.

www.nexusmag.co.nz

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

23

Feature

W

HILE NANDOR TANCZOS IS ONE OF NEW ZEALAND’S

younger MPs, this is in fact his eighth year in parliament as a list MP for the Green Party. He came into the public consciousness and was represented in mainstream media as a colourful Rastafarian with a dreadlocked turban who liked to get wasted in between parliamentary sittings. The accuracy of such a portrayal is not just questionable, but it has operated to pigeon-hole Tanczos as a one-trick sensationalist with an interest in decriminalising his own drug habit.

BY ROZ CASE

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What has emerged, however, over these past eight years is that Tanczos is a politician of considerable substance. The drug law reform portfolio is no longer his baby and his political attention has been turned to issues of wider environmental importance. Nexus met with Tanczos while he was on campus during O-Week and found a mature politician in his third term with a very clear idea about what goals he wants to achieve before the next election. Unlike some MPs who show up on campus once every three years in an effort to convince students that they actually give a shit about us, Tanczos is no stranger to the University of Waikato. Not only is he a regular visitor, he is alumni with a BSocSc in Psychology and Sociology and a former editor of Nexus. Thus, Tanczos is acutely aware of the difficulties that students face within the current user-pays environment.

“I did my degree during the last years of relatively free education and the mood was kind of different. People were not so career-focussed, I guess, because it wasn’t like “I’m gonna come out of university with this massive debt and so therefore I have to get a good meal ticket”. People were still studying papers that they were interested in.’ In spite of the negative impact of student loans, Tanczos is positive about student culture and the support of students via compulsory unionism. ‘There’s been a student base in terms of membership of this union so they have more of a mandate to speak, they have more power in terms of being able to advocate for students. I think that’s changed things quite a bit, so you start to see a bit of a come-back of that student culture and more political

www.nexusmag.co.nz

Feature

advocacy from the student body which I think is really, really important.

After finishing his degree, Tanczos became a campaigner for the National Organisation for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML) before standing in the 1996 election as a candidate for the Aotearoa Legalise Cannabis Party. When Tanczos came into Parliament in 1999, his interest in the decriminalisation of cannabis was the focus of much media and political attention and it could be said that in spite of his many other political interests, Tanczos has been tarred with the hashish brush ever since. ‘What I realised when I came back to parliament after Rod Donald passed away was that cannabis law reform had become an obstacle to me and that’s all people could see of me, and at the same time I’d become an obstacle to it. Because what I realised was

our international reputation as a clean, green country of producers poses a very real threat to our economy. ‘It’s going to bite us on the arse really badly, very soon, if we don’t get serious about it.”

And Tanczos’ opinion actually holds some sway these days. As an experienced Parliamentarian, he has learnt about the subtle and some not-so-subtle nuances of effective negotiation in a political environment. ‘That’s actually enormously complex and it takes some time to work out. And, of course, it’s taken me a long time to be taken seriously.’ But an MMP environment demands that if politicians and parties are to survive, they must have the ability to work and negotiate with a much larger crosssection of parliament. ‘I’ve been working with these MPs and ministers long enough that they actually know that I do approach these things

halting environmental degradation. “How do you reconcile the desire or the aspiration to be carbon-neutral with the fact that we’re embarking on the biggest road-building project in this country since the 1900s? It’s just totally contradictory and the amount of investment going into public transport is pathetic by comparison.”

Tanczos prefers to focus on the small, everyday changes that New Zealanders can make in order to limit our ecological footprint.

Currently, he is writing to every supermarket in the country asking them to do whatever they can to limit the use of plastic shopping bags by their customers. ‘That’s just doing things like training checkout operators to ask people if they want a plastic bag, or how many they want rather than just giving them a whole heap.’ Small actions like these, coupled with

I did my degree during the last years of relatively free education and the mood was kind of different. People were not so career-focussed, I guess, because it wasn’t like “I’m gonna come out of university with this massive debt and so therefore I have to get a good meal ticket”. no matter what I suggested, no matter how moderate the reform I was proposing, it would be opposed simply because I was putting it forward.’

So, it was clear when Tanczos returned to parliament in 2005 after the death of Green Party co-leader Rod Donald that it was time for him to turn his attention to other issues of perhaps greater importance to the Green Party. Picking up the environment portfolio has allowed Tanczos to draw attention not only to the important area of sustainability, but to his own ability as a politician to work effectively on a variety of issues. Nandor says that the fact that we are approaching our “environmental limits” is harmful to us not just from an ecological perspective, but from social, cultural and economic perspectives as well. He’s concerned that the tarnishing of www.nexusmag.co.nz

on an informed basis and with intelligence. So, they’ve kind of worked out how I am as well and now I’m able to work really effectively with a whole lot of different people’.

This maturity is timely, given the liking that politicians across the spectrum have taken to talking about the environment. Tanczos and the other members of the Green Party are actually in a strong position when it comes to this topic, while other MPs are struggling to get to grips with environmental issues. Tanczos is philosophical about the popularisation of environmentalism as a political issue, saying ‘that lip-service is important because we’re talking about it. But we do have to start to actually do something – not just talk about it.’

He feels that in spite of the increased attention being paid to the topic, the government’s actions indicate that they are not serious about

the promotion of reusable bags and incentives for shoppers who use plastic bag alternatives, are the sorts of things that Tanczos believes will drastically reduce the amount of plastic bags being used – a figure which in New Zealand alone sits somewhere between 800 million to1.14 billion a year.

While Tanczos is enjoying his new portfolios and spokesperson roles, he still struggles to stop his political life from interfering with the life he has at home with his partner and young daughter. ‘That’s really the challenge of the job – you can’t keep it from interfering but how do you minimise that or how do you make sure that you’ve got some space for your family in your life?’ Tanczos says that while politics is fleeting, family always remain and mustn’t be sacrificed for a political career. ‘My family’s more important.’

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

25

O’week Part 2 Thursday 1st March Thursday night saw one of O’Week’s biggest lineup’s hitting town. The Aviators, Odessa and dDub. Although all three were enthusiastically received, Nexus’ reviewer was particular taken

by Odessa – see review on page 42.

Friday 2nd March In true kids’ party styles, the week wrapped up with jelly, homemade trolleys and a treasure hunt. And, er, free beer. The jelly wrestling proved popular, although some bemoaned the relative lack of girl on girl combat, with Hillary scholar Steve and ASB’s Amber coming out on top. The STA Travel Orientation Race sent teams off on a wild clue chase around campus with all sorts of prizes on offer. Three of the trolley racing teams previewed their machines for the crowd, with other entrants preferring to keep things secret (or, in some cases, heading home to actually build the thing). Corinna Watts and friends had a mellow drum/didj jam to round off the afternoon.

Later that night local bands Eight Ball Rattle and æther lubricated the crowd and primed them for Blindspott who then sent everyone into a writhing frenzy of lyric-yelling sweaty bodies. Good times.

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www.nexusmag.co.nz

Saturday 3rd March The Trolley Derby was awesome. See the news story for more.

Concord Dawn and State of Mind wound up the frenetically dancing crowd until lasers and sparks came out all their orifices. Probabaly.

According to the Nexus reporter, the crowd was a bit smaller than Blindspott’s but dedicated, with much fun had by all.

And with that, O’week was over. Roll on the studying. www.nexusmag.co.nz

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

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Keeping you informed about your union www.wsu.org.nz

WSU PRESIDENT

VICE-PRESIDENT

Sehai Orgad

Moira Neho

president@wsu.org.nz Some of you may have read that I am currently involved with the Elderly Community Centre in trying to develop a mentoring scheme, or a programme which offers alternatives to kids who know nothing more than running the streets with their colours.

Yes, there is heaps of graffiti in Hamilton and yes, there are current youth gang issues, but unless we can find ways of developing strategies to address these factors, we are just being ignorant to what is currently bubbling on our back doorstep.

“Hamilton is on the move”; I hear this phrase being chucked around time and time again, and it’s true, Hamilton is rapidly developing and growing larger. But what is going to happen if we keep on ignoring the people who are stuck in a cycle that is underdeveloped and not encouraged or supported to move with Hamilton?

The reality is that each of us needs to recognise and understand what is going on. Even if you just start to ask the questions, create a debate or a positive and constructive dialogue to start to develop a solution then we can at least start to look at how we, as students can contribute to a sustainable society in which we are to live.

vicepresident@wsu.org.nz Hope you’re all well and settling into classes nicely. For those of you who don’t know, the absolutely fantastic, can’t live without it, NEXUS diary is here and ready for you to collect! It’s filled with all kinds of important information and so I thought I’d run a little competition based on an important WSU function.

It’s really easy, all you have to do is be the first person to my office with all questions correctly answered and you will win a $20 Bennetts voucher! (Sorry, WSU exec and Nexus staff you can’t enter) 1) 2) 3) 4) 5)

What does OSM stand for?

How many members are needed to make quorum?

Who is The Chair and what do they do?

How do you get an item on the agenda?

If you forget to get your item on the agenda how can you bring it up at the OSM?

Ok, that’s it whanau, get your answers in quick and have a great week!

Student events coming up...

Australian String Quartet SATURDAY 31ST MARCH

The Australian String Quartet is coming to the Academy of Performing Arts during their Chamber Music NZ tour of the country.

The quartet is made up of four women: Sophie Rowell (violin); Anne Horton (violin); Sally Boud (viola); and Rachel Johnston (cello) They are playing on Saturday 31st March at 8 PM in the concert chamber at the Academy, which is specially designed for small groups of performers and renowned throughout NZ for its great sound qualities.

The program features two of Schubert’s best known and

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ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

loved works for string quartet, and Berg’s moving and beautiful Lyric Suite with its underlying currents and reflections of love.

The group, formerly the Tank Stream Quartet, were invited to become the official Australian String Quartet in 2006. The quartet has won more international chamber music competitions than any other ensemble in Australian history. They are wellknown for their distinctive musical approach, and have performed in Hamberg, Berlin, Paris, London, Copenhagen, Cologne, Belgrade, Budapest and Zagreb as well as throughout Australia and Japan.

Student rush tickets cost $15, adults cost $45.

www.nexusmag.co.nz

Education Officers Sport and Recreation Officer

Glen Delamere

Edupene & Eduwhets education@wsu.org.nz

sport@wsu.org.nz Thank you to all those who helped make Clubs Day successful during “O Week”. There was a good turn out by all. Enough of what has happened, let’s now look ahead.

By the time this goes to print the University Cricket Championships will have been decided. I can safely predict that Waikato will unfortunately not make the top three, four or five... No I have not gained telepathic powers with my sad attempt at a late 80’s porn- star mo’, I just look pathetic.

The reason that Waikato Uni have not placed is that we failed to enter a team. So all you future Black Caps get in touch with me at the WSU office so that next year we can represent.

With this in mind let’s ensure that we represent for the upcoming University Triathlon Champs to be held Saturday 17th March in Whangamata.

For those of you who don’t know me, the only time I swim is for seafood, I only ride an exercycle in the gym when the T.V is on and the only running I do is away from trouble.

The next big sporting event will be the Uni-Games which will be held in Christchurch from the 10th -13th April.

If you registered during clubs day a cluster manager should be in touch with you shortly. If not…WHY NOT? If you are interested, drop by the WSU office and ask for the Sport & Recreation Officer for further information.

During O-Week we went to class… Yeah right, actually it was more about mixing it up with the people, giving away lots of sausages & going to as many things as possible. However during this Edupene went to a number of undergrad classes, to get a flavour of what a large number of you are being exposed too. Some of the random subjects Edupene visited ranged from Economics to Psychology and Science to English. When asked for comment Edupene stated “Its kinda boring, and what’s a molecule?” when noted Edupene was actually not enrolled for any of the courses Edupene then proceeded to realise masters students should not hang in undergrad classes even if it was a dare by Eduwhets. However this is not the last audit your education officers will be doing, later in the year we aim to check out the quality of courses from a students perspective so watch this space whanau as your course maybe next…

Tip of the week: Get up and go to class ow!

Maori Students Officers

Tatiana Hohepa & Elaine Kameta maori@wsu.org.nz On Wednesday 7th March a hui was held with the purpose of gauging the interest of establishing a working campus wide Maori tauira roopu here at Waikato University.

Around 30 students attended the hui and sausages were gratefully cooked by fellow members of the WSU. The result of the hui was positive with agreement that there needs to be a campus wide Maori Roopu representing all tauira. It is with the support of those wanting to move forward that another hui will be called (hopefully when free hangi isn’t our competition) to get more feed back from you the students.

The date and time of the next hui will be published in Nexus and announced at hakinakina (make sure you put in a team).

No reira nau mai koutou, kia whakakotahi ai nga tauira.

Advocacy Co-ordinator Part time position – 20 hours per week Students sometimes find they are in need of support. They may have concerns of an academic nature, problems with accommodation or finances, personal or general issues. We need someone to coordinate, manage and deliver an Advocacy service to members of the WSU. The successful candidate will lead and support a network of volunteer advocates, as well as handling cases themselves when required. They will also administer the student hardship fund, making small loans and grants where sudden and unforeseen

financial difficulties threaten students continued attendance to their studies.

The person we are looking for will have the following attributes • • • • •

Approachable and confident personality Good communication skills (oral and written) Respect and concern for others and their views Able to maintain personal and professional boundaries Able to work constructively with ambiguous and complex situations

Application deadline: Before Fri, 16th March. For further info and a full job description, email manager@wsu.org.nz www.nexusmag.co.nz

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

29

Mature Students Officer

Vincent Malcolm-Buchanan mature@wsu.org.nz

ALMS 2007 Registration and Funding!

I hate to bore you, I really, really, hate to bore you BUT – this is a necessary announcement - applicable to a multitude of students out there.

As of last week ALMS Association is now in the process of being formally re-registered with the WSU Clubs and Societies. The acronym stands for Adult Learners & Mature Students, and it is intended that this association shall further advance the interests of its constituent members. The 2007 re-registration of this association as a co-joint effort directly aligning mature students, adult students, graduate students, and post-graduate students, shall enable us to remain visible and integral within an autonomous association. Notably the 2007 membership is considerable; in fact I believe that this year we will be one of the largest clubs registered with WSU. Thank you to all those students who signed up as members!

ALMS will primarily cater to the resources required to facilitate the Commons Room. PLEASE NOTE: no products were able to be purchased for the beginning of Semester A due to a distinct lack of money in the honesty box funds – putting it quite simply people, if you’re not prepared to pay a small contribution towards these items then we are at the mercy of the WSU funding protocols. That literally means we will have to wait for Exec meetings, submit funding proposals, then cross our fingers that, should such funding be granted, the WSU is able to efficiently process a purchase order. I’m going to work towards expediting the process; however, I can make no guarantees whatsoever and would highly recommend that we attempt to exercise some patience regarding these processes.

Clubs day was another success – ALMS participation resulted in a tremendous response to registrations – speaking of which, you will find another membership register in the commons room so feel free to fill in your details, it all helps if we intend on seeking funding for items such as tea, coffee, sugar, Milo, and milk.

Notices will be posted in your commons room and I shall endeavor to keep you all informed as best possible by means of Nexus, the Executive, and the wider student community.

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31

A

s one walks past the old

6 feet under

bar—perhaps expecting to see bogans, goths and metal heads milling about—one can not help but be surprised to see the goat skulls and weapons replaced with revolving disco balls, rainbow flags and the odd drag queen sitting in the front garden.

From the sublime to the ridiculous you might think, but Hamilton can congratulate itself by having its own gay bar located on the main street.

“Hmmm,” ponders the average punter and party goer, “What can I get from a gay bar that I can’t get from anywhere else?” Is it another dare with mates or a raucous and hilarious stag night? First, assure yourself that because you are there it doesn’t mean you have become fresh meat for the gay community – in fact, you can safely rely on well-trained gaydars to sift out your category, be you gay, swinger, bi-curious or strictly hetero. The math is almost certain to be done without you even having to bat an eyelid and be aware of it. So just relax!

Consider the average female who enjoys a drink, dance and party without the hassle of horny young men and travelling salesmen thinking she’s an easy shag and part of the hetero meat market. It would also appear that hetero males who are confident to drink with their homosexual friends are as much, if not more confident in their sexuality and are regarded to be

better lovers than those who lack that certain je ne sais quoi.

Second, don’t assume that because an individual chooses to enjoy the atmosphere at Venom they are automatically gay.

That person may just enjoy the 80s disco ambience and old school music, let alone the glamour and enjoyment of drag queens exchanging witticisms as thick as their make-up, and the dance party exuberance of their performances. For the recreational pool player a full-size table is just at the end of the bar.

Thirdly, Venom takes pride in the social responsibility to provide its clientele with the necessary protection to ensure a safe sex night -- condoms are available free for anyone to take and enjoy. Also on hand are give away nibbles and of course friendly and personal service.

Despite impending government legislation, it appears that bar culture still encourages the company of the recreational smoker.

The next time you pass this new main street bar and hear the disco music, consider giving Venom a try. It may not be as bad as you imagine; Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights feature late night dance floor entertainment from nationally acknowledged drag divas and cabaret artists, as well as competitions and drink specials throughout the year.

Venom is open from 6 PM until late, seven days a week.

Come and experience some big city bar entertainment in Hamilton.

PHOTOS FROM GAYNZ.COM

NOTICES

send your student notices to nexus@waikato.ac.nz by

12pm tuesday

before the next issue, or submit via www.nexusmag.co.nz

ACCOMODATION

PUBLIC NOTICES

Flatmate wanted urgently: room has become available in Hamilton East flat. Room is a really decent size, big enough for double bed, desk, dressing table etc. rent is $100 for sky digital, broadband, phone, power and rent. To live with 3 awesome chicks, 2 students, one hairdresser, guy or girl as long as you’re cool and you pay rent on time. call 07 856 2242 or text Amanda on 021 046 5689.

Ride to Tauranga: want a return ride in a BMW? Keen to go to Tauranga on Friday and return on Sunday? Happy to share the petrol? then txt/call Ustad on 021-0540886

Flatmate Wanted: Looking for flatmate to live with a student and worker in near new home. $90 plus expenses a week. Sky in room and wireless Broadband. Txt or phone Rob 027 283 2712.

EVENTS Department of Humanities, University of Waikato presents Japanese Films 2007, with thanks to the Consulate-General of Japan.

Robocon is showing on Thursday 15 March at 7pm in L3. English subtitles and admission is free! If you have any enquiries, please contact Athena Chambers on (07) 838-4042.

The Women’s Lifestyle Expo is being held at the Waikato Events Centre on Saturday 10th and Sunday 11th March

FOR SALE 1000 records for sale, prices vary. Phone 859 1271.

Queen sized bed – wooden base slat bed with attached headboard& mattress. Excellent condition, $350. Natalie, 021 105 2458.

Contribute to Nexus!

www.nexusmag.co.nz/contribute

Male Vocalist Wanted: we are an originals 3 piece band (D,B,G) looking for a talented singer/song writer to finish off our sound. Our style is mostly rock with a touch of funk that’s different, dynamic and tight. Rhythm guitar skills would be a bonus but not essential. Have an album’s worth of songs with some melodies and lyrics ready to go.Have had interest from an independent record label.

If interested phone or txt Jeff on 0275 240 000 Hamilton Christian Swingers Association: Swinging in the name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Marriage is sanctified by the Lord and it is from marriage that we move to extend God’s love to others in the most pure, sacred form. Meetings are held monthly in Flagstaff.

Cleanliness and discretion preferred but not required. Email christianswingers@gmail.com

Did you know that placing notices here costs you students nothing?

Absolutely nothing -except the small time it took to write the notice and email it to nexus@ waikato.ac.nz or post to www.nexusmag.co.nz/ forum

COMMUNITY SUPPORT WORKERS HAMILTON

IHC/IDEA services currently have positions available in Hamilton for Community Support Workers. This involves supporting people with an intellectual disability to achieve their desired goals, obtain new skills, and be involved in their local community.

You will: • Have empathy with supporting people with an intellectual disability • Be a good communicator and work well in a team setting • Demonstrate expertise in the area of daily living skills • Have a full drivers licence and be able to drive a manual vehicle • Be able to work flexible hours, including weekends and sleepovers • Be legally entitled to work in New Zealand The organisation offers: • Opportunities to gain qualifications recognised by the New Zealand Qualification Authority • Comprehensive training aimed at developing skills and experience • Potential for career development For more information email recruitment@idea.org.nz or contact Dwayne Henshilwood on 07 839 4802 / 027 2291731 or dwayne.henshilwood@idea.org.nz

Giz us some art and you get a $50 Gordon Harris voucher www.nexusmag.co.nz/coverart for the full story!

www.nexusmag.co.nz

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

33

Columns

Most of your quests will start simple, in fact so simple that a lot of players never really bother moving upwards, even after 4 years. A typical quest will involve a simple fetch task such as ‘Give Me 5 Cruisers’ or ‘I Loooove Backdrafts <wink>’.

BY VITAMIN C Greetings again to all of you gruesome little cave-dwellers. This week’s guide focuses on Questing, a truly noble pursuit and perhaps the main activity of waiKato players.

You’ll be able to get most quests at the Taverns, so check your world map if you don’t know how to get there, or alternatively take the late night portal from the Tavern on campus. We won’t go into questing there, due to the poor rewards system.

Email your Agony Art questions to nexus@waikato.ac.nz 34

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

If this isn’t your thing, you can stick to the lowest level bars and go for some power questing, but waiKato has built-in features to reduce the effectiveness of this, perhaps most famously the ‘Dash To The Clinic’ follow-up quest, which needs to be carried out in a limited time in order to avoid any status effects that cause an experience cap for the next few weeks. This could make you very unpopular amongst certain parties, so keep it under wraps! Be particularly aware of Sports/Leisure or Comms players trying to pull a fast one on you, and always take a few Rubber Sheaths to protect your melee weapon when questing with them.

Gotcha!

You need to be level 18 to get to the Taverns, so if this isn’t the case you might want to wander the streets outside and wait for some random encounters with the level 16 and 17 amazons and rogues that can be found there. They appear in low numbers though so this might not be efficient; you might find spawn camping by the high-schools to be beneficial, as the amazons there are easily conquered by even the lamest parties.

A few variations include ‘Beat Up My Boyfriend’ or ‘Do I Know You From Somewhere?’ These simple quests have quite limited rewards however, so to get the prime experience you should move to some higher level Taverns. This will require greater questing skills, and probably a party as well, so you have some reliable wingmen to guard against flanking attacks. Items are also useful here, such as Kanye’s Ring of +5 Bling, Shoes of Non-White-Sneaker, or the legendary rare item RUFINEX of +100 Charm.

www.nexusmag.co.nz

Columns

MeEt Nexus’ new relationships counsellor

BY BURNSY

Dear Agony Art What’s the good word on hooking up with flatmates?

Hillcrest Homie Dear Hillcrest Homie This is an excellent topic of discussion. I have been in several situations where this has caused heart break, flat break and, in the most intense of situations: arm break. You have to take into account several things. How long have you been living with this person? Do you watch them when they sleep? Could you love them, or do you just want sex? If that’s the case and a piece of tail is all you’re after, hit town any night of the week with a pack of Marlboro Blues and enough money to get too drunk to care who you end up with. There are a load of people in our city in your same predicament, just looking for sex. You have to realise that it’s hard enough seeing your ex once a day in class. Now, multiply that by a hundred. You’ll end up moving flats or staying there. If you move, that’s a big hassle, especially when it’s coupled with uni assignments and the weirdness of a failed love. If you stay there, one of you may be harbouring feelings and that’ll be more awkward than you can ever imagine. Lying awake at night, listening to a girl or guy you love rutting away with some girl from Sekure through the wall is a great way to get a complex and fail uni. So, at the end of the day, my best advice is don’t. Just don’t do it. There are so many amazing girls and guys around town, just waiting for you to get up off the couch (where you sit, staring at your flatmate doing Pilates) and go find.

Agony Art Dear Agony Art I was the entertainment at a party last week. Everything was going fine and the crowd was having a great time. I saw out of the corner of my eye a guy who was really getting into it, staring at everything but my face. He was excruciatingly drunk. He was also my little brother. I finished my routine and left. It’s only a matter of time before his mates tell him. Should I speak to him first?

Yours sincerely, Naked in Ngaruawahia

As my hetero life mate Burton is currently on tour in Oz, I am forced to fend for myself this week. So, with complete creative control, I have decided to focus on an issue which is dear to the heart of all students – money.

I feel it is my duty to warn all new flatters about the unseen evil commonly referred to as ‘the power bill’. It lies in wait, lulls you into a false sense of security, then pounces and has its way with you.

A big one for all you new flatters will be the power bill. Everything seems sweet at the moment, finances are easy and you’re probably wondering why people complain about how flatting makes you broke.

Well, just you wait until winter. Winter is the time when showers are lengthened, the dryer is used a whole lot more and the heaters are turned on. Hereafter, I’ll refer to these three as the unholy trinity of power-sucking devices. Each on their own is bad enough, but combined they can at least double if not triple your power bill. This can be a source of discord amongst your flat, so your best bet is to talk about it well before the issue comes up. A good agreement is to just use heaters in communal areas - winter is the time to hop around your room in a sleeping bag. As for the dryer and hot water, well come on, I’m not going to run your lives for you. Your flat will have to negotiate its own individual way of dealing with these contentious issues.

Another fun power fact is that most power companies only take meter readings every other month. The rest are estimated. This can be good when the power company overestimates and you get a big credit the next month. But if the estimation is too low then you’ll get bitten on the arse by having to pay the difference.

Like all unholy evils, the power company has rather sharp teeth. If you decide that you’d rather not pay for that bill then Baycorp are hired to assassinate you. In case you don’t know, Baycorp is a debt collection agency that has the power to not just kill you, but also ruin your credit history. You’re going to hear a lot more references to Baycorp as your adult life progresses.

Email your Agony Art questions to nexus@waikato.ac.nz www.nexusmag.co.nz

Gotcha!

Dear Naked in Ngaruawahia You don’t have to worry about telling him. I already know. I saw the photos. It might be better if we don’t tell mum and dad and this.

It can be our little secret. PS, I wasn’t that drunk.

Agony Art

MUST HAVE BEEN A HELL OF A POWER BILL ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

35

Columns

bloodlust and evil?

Or are they ‘Rotarians’ in the sense that it is they who ‘make the world go round’? Is it Rotary that holds the strings of the puppet governments? Is it Rotary who control world oil prices? Is it Rotary who inflames the imperialist ambitions of the USA? Their ‘ultimate goal’ is ‘world understanding and peace’. Does this not sound like the pseudo-benevolence of a true international fascism?

Their symbol is the gear wheel. Not only does it strongly resemble the swastika, but its symbolism is that of grinding opposition into the dust; of pounding the wheat of diversity and freedom into the easily moulded flour of homogeneity and compliance!

Should we be frightened by Rotary? Or should we accept the yoke of their jackboot? Should we even accept the joke of their yackboot? And what is a yoke anyway?

Do you not see that these questions simply serve to prove that this mysterious power hungry elite has purposely led us into confusion in order to blind us to their real motives? Beware! Beware whenever you see a seemingly innocuous gathering of middle-aged, middle-class white people wearing smart casual clothing! They are constantly plotting and scheming! Beware whenever you are greeted by the totalitarian gear wheel on the main road into a small town!

That town is ruled by the hidden agenda of the Rotarians!We must rise up against the dictators who call themselves ‘Rotary’ or face the destruction of everything that we hold dear!

Next week: the SPCA.

With Candice Bottomsworth One of the most secretive underground groups ever to exist has spread its tentacles through almost every city and region in the Western world, without mainstream society even starting to realise the extent of its power.

In order to join this secretive group, you must be invited, and you will only be invited if you hold an “executive position with discretionary authority in any worthy and recognized business or profession”. Recruitment for this shadowy organization is therefore limited to lawyers, doctors, businesspeople, prostitutes etc. It’s no wonder that its influence is so pervasive.

This group may be operating in your very neighbourhood! It is imperative that we expose this cabal before they enslave the entire world!

The name for this group is ‘Rotary International’. If you think this sounds a little bit too much like a communist or Zionist network, then consider also that its members call themselves ‘Rotarians’.

Around what are they rotating? Are they wearing hooded robes and holding hands in a circle while chanting the satanic last rites of a sacrificial virgin? Are they spinning around in a psychotic trance of

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ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

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Be the first to bring in your completed wordfind and score a free DVD rental from Auteur House!

CARBON CONSERVATION ECOLOGY ECOSYSTEM FUEL GASES

ICECAPS METHANE OZONE PLASTIC POLLUTION RECYCLING

SOLAR SUSTAINABILITY TEMPERATURE WARMING WASTE

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Columns

The Magic 8 Ball

Los Libros

Miscellaneous Musings from M-block

Magic 8 Ball is an entity unto himself. He makes stuff up and you can’t sue him because he is a renegade and also a plastic ball.

Visual Literature

Do you think Clint Rickards is a nice man?

As I see it, yes. I’ve always wanted to be shagged on a police car bonnet, it’s every woman’s goal in this life.

Last week I made mention of graphic novels, but visual forms of literature are certainly not restricted to this medium. Another related field is that of illuminated manuscripts. These were often crafted by monks as a means to visually signify and elevate a text’s status. Such illumination also helps create an aura of sacrality and reverence in the reader’s mind, thereby aiding the intended impact of the text. We also have the monastic tradition to thank for many significant aspects of library culture. Without it, much of the Western Greco-Roman cultural heritage would have been lost during the ‘Dark Ages.’

When a police man hits you with his baton, is he imagining that he is hitting you with his penis?

You may rely on it. Original designs for police batons were shaped like breasts, but the misogynistic hegemony operating within police headquarters changed it to look like a peepee.

Does Helen Clark’s open disdain for Clint Rickards indicate that she knows a lot more about this issue than we do?

Better not tell you now. Or else you’ll get sued for defamation. Or deformation. One or the other.

Do you think Clint Rickards should be dismissed from his position as Deputy Commissioner of the Auckland Police?

Yes. It’s quite obvious that Dick Hubbard wants the job and he isn’t doing very well at the whole mayoralty thing, so might as well give Clint the boot and let Dicky boy try his hand at police work.

If Clint Rickards likes sex with young women so much, should he maybe look in to a career in tertiary education instead?

My sources say no. Universities are already full of old men with sex on the brain.

If you were a teenage girl living in a small town in the eighties, and a bunch of uniformed police officers rocked up to your door armed with batons and asking for sex, would you be petrified out of your mind?

Yes, definitely. Particularly if they were working class Pakeha men who were invigorated by the liberal free market and frequently exploited their acquired status.

Why does Clint Rickards wife defend his infidelities, and provide questionable alibis in court? Is she a reptilian shapeshifter?

My sources say no. She is merely a Scientologist.

Should juries be allowed to know that the person they are trying for rape is actually already in jail for rape?

Signs point to yes. Common sense points to yes. Helen Clark points to yes. My mum points to yes. And some Women’s Studies students in Wellington point to yes. The only sign not pointing to yes is Kerre Woodham’s column in the Sunday Herald, which could perhaps indicate that indeed, all intelligent signs are pointing to yes. www.nexusmag.co.nz

One of my most beloved of artists/authors, whose work comes under the above category, is William Blake. Blake was another religiously orientated artist, but an idiosyncratic one who developed his own personal mythology which often challenged traditional orthodoxy, for example Christianity’s repression of desire. You can find material by and about Blake with either an author or subject search. A visit to the Auckland City Library’s website will also allow you to view digitised versions of Sir George Grey’s copies of Blake’s Europe & America. And, as an aside, you may also want to check out Austin Osman Spare’s work while online. Spare is another personal fave who can be seen as a latter day William Blake, albeit one on the side of Lucifer rather than God. Islam also has a particularly rich tradition in this area. While tending to avoid figurative art, calligraphy has nonetheless been cultivated to an exceptionally high degree of beauty that clarifies and enhances scripture. As the calligrapher Zakariya notes it has been referred to as ‘music for the eyes’ and can transmit meaning at a deeper “wordless level, the level on which all great art functions.” You can visit zakariya.net for further info relating to the above quotation. A subject search for art, Islamic would also help you find some relevant material.

Of course, here in New Zealand, we have the rich culture of the Tangata Whenua and the use of such crafts as carving and weaving to retain a cultural memory and pass on knowledge and tradition.

We are fortunate to have a substantial collection of relevant material in the New Zealand Collection should you wish to learn more, including a selection of artefacts. And not to forget, knowledgeable staff who can help you find something of interest.

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

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Columns

BY KRANG Have you heard about Reptilian Shapeshifters? My third eye has revealed that they are the construct of right-wing politics(!) – a fantasy wherein George W. Bush takes the form of a cold-blooded shape-shifting demon (when in fact, he’s a puppet-like public spokesperson for a group of high ranking Bohemian Grove members – your assumption that Bush is a shapeshifter is all part of their evil plan). Anyway, I just wanted to mention it to make you aware; I will delve more into the Bohemian Grove’s antics and motives later in the year.

The main issue I want to express to you today is that The Man oppresses us in a most unique way through the channels of clothing, fashion and the general feelings, thoughts and assumptions we have about our natural unclothed bodies.

We are all told from the very start of our lives to cover up our bodies.

Some people, whose conscious minds haven’t evolved as far as mine,

Sports Thoughts

By Joseph Ross In the sporting world, the coming weeks are going to be full on. As the Chiefs struggle their way through the Super 14, the Cricket World Cup is about to begin (see next week’s column) and the NRL is getting into full swing.

In 2007, there are several rugby league questions to be answered. Can the Broncos defend the title? Will the 100th season of rugby league be the best yet? (My mail says it will be.) How will the new kids on the block, the Gold Coast Titans, fare? Are the Warriors, minus Brett Webb, going to be a force to be reckoned with?

There are a few big first-round match-ups to get you in the mood for the coming six-and-a-half months. On Friday night, March 16, the Brisbane Broncos take on the North Queensland Cowboys and the Melbourne Storm squares off against the Wests Tigers. Both of these matches have 2006 grand-finalists playing against 2005 grandfinalists. Then on Saturday night, the Warriors kick off their campaign against the Parramatta Eels. Webb’s replacement, Wade McKinnon, will be playing his first competition match for the Warriors against his old team-mates. The fun continues on Sunday, with the Titans play their first match against the St George-Illawarra Dragons. New

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ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

are hung up on concepts such as “beauty”. Little do you all know that everything is equal: everything is beautiful, everything is ugly; everything is worth something and everything is worth nothing. Through this manner of thought we can determine that “embarrassment” is just a social construct created to condition and control people to not show off their naked bodies – it’s a way of selling clothes, some at astronomical prices, to the public. Everyone’s out to make their buck, so they fill you with the dread feeling of not wanting to be naked and forcing your conscience to believe that you need to cover yourself up with the latest garb.

Clothes do serve a purpose; I’m not discrediting that fact. But the third eye has revealed that nudity should be celebrated. It is for the good of all human kind that you act as your natural self and you should not cover up your body with the schlock created by money-hungry corporate entities. What The Man is doing is providing the products with which to cover your bodies and then gathering riches through expensive prices and cheap labour (in the form of slaves). The Man suffocates the world with advertising and general thought-pollution which incites innocent people to feel that they need the latest gear to look good and feel good.

I’m here to bring to your awareness that you don’t need to shovel bucks towards The Man. When it’s hot, take off your clothes and reject the oppression – feel good about being you, no matter your size or shape. If you’re still hung up (or down) about being natural then support humanity by purchasing your clothes from second-hand stores such as the Salvation Army and Hospice Waikato.

this year is Monday Night League and in Round 1 this will be an all Sydney affair as the only two teams left that played the first season of Australian Rugby League back in 1908, the Roosters and the Rabbitohs, go head-to-head.

With the addition of the 16th team (the Titans), there has been some necessary tweaking of the format of the season. In recent years the regular season has consisted of 26 rounds, with each team having 2 byes. This year there will be 25 rounds with each of the 16 teams having one bye. Note that this means each team will still play 24 games. There will be a total of 201 games played this season, as opposed to 189 last year. The byes will be taken four teams at a time, in the weekend of the Anzac Test (April 20) and in the weekends before the three State of Origin matches. The finals system remains unchanged with 8 teams still going through to the playoffs and during this time, the McIntyre format will still be used.

For what its worth, here’s my pick of who the 8 teams will be: 1. Broncos 2. Bulldogs 3. Storm 4. Knights 5. Sea-Eagles 6. Dragons 7. Warriors 8. Titans

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Comics

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Columns

BY ISA

BY BLAIR NICHOLSON

Looking after your emotional health Student life can be trying. Assignments, exams, poor nutrition owing to a diet of instant noodles, and a high profile social life with mandatory partying can all be taxing on your humble little physical form. All that stress can build up, flex its muscles and rear its ugly head in the most inconsiderate ways, for example, making you violently ill right before a presentation or bringing on a panic attack which makes your 1000 word essay seem akin to Marx’s life works.

Even if you don’t suffer to such an acute degree, your emotional health may still benefit from a little TLC. Have a Zen moment: Take time out to sit in peaceful contemplation in quiet spots around our serene and tranquil campus. Relax and close your eyes, breathe deeply and slowly, let all conflicts and frustration drift away. Bring your awareness to your breathing, the sensations in your body and the sounds around you respectively. Be the calm little centre of the world. If you can find a couple of minutes between classes this will have a refreshing affect on your attention span Respect yourself: You are, or should be, the most important person in the world to you so look after yourself. You know that little voice in the back of your head that spouts inconvenient wisdom such as: “one more drink will make me regret I was born come morning” or “that tasty sugar filled snack will make me feel sick”. Yeah. Try listening. No it’s not your internalised mother telling you what to do. If it does happen to sound like your mother or other authority figure get to your nearest Jungian analyst for some inner child therapy before you turn into an anal-explosive, Freudian nightmare.

Be aware: If you have mood swings or petit breakdowns, notice what foods you have or have not been eating a few hours before.

Intolerances and allergies sometimes affect the mood, and blood sugar fluctuations can be the theme park in which emotional rollercoaster rides reside.

Choose Happiness: You do have a lot to be grateful for, so stop taking it for granted. Happiness is a choice. Your thoughts shape your reality. Life is but a dream. You decide your own level of involvement Chill: If you often blow things out of proportion or feel the urge to violently attack others over minor conflicts, take the focus off the trigger and concentrate on how you feel, think and behave. Are you trying to justify your ridiculous behaviour? Where did you learn this?

You would handle the situation easily if you were calm. The last thing this world needs is more drama. Peace the fuck out.

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Ever heard of the ancient Chinese tradition of binding feet? It’s where they used to fold girls feet over literally in order to fit tiny shoes. The only problem with this was they couldn’t walk. Technical difficulty, I guess. To me that sounds crazy, but maybe not to some Americans. They’re doing a YEOUCH similar thing, except it’s not an ancient tradition at all. It’s the newest craze to hit the streets – or should I say ‘pound the pavements.’

In the name of fashion, ladies are attending classes to learn to walk in their Jimmy Choo’s, shoes which can be up to six inches tall.

Apparently, it is a real art to master. I must say, after borrowing a friend’s pair of heels for the Uni law ball a few weeks ago, I have no doubt that one needs skill to pull off a pair of heels like that. I could have done with a few lessons myself– thank God I didn’t fall over!

Sadly, the craze doesn’t end there. Women taking such classes are being advised by plastic surgeons to surgically alter their feet.

Operations make their feet shorter in length for a better fit, while making it easier to walk. Easier? When walking on these ‘stilts’, women place around three times their body weight on the ball of their foot. Not exactly natural beauty.

I watched a documentary in which a woman was describing a pair of shoes that looked like mini boat ramps, where her feet plunged down to the ground, rather than water. She called them ‘limo shoes’. It’s not that the shoes resemble limousines, but you will definitely need one to drop you right at the door if you ever wear them. I guess those of us that haven’t quite got round to investing in a limo could always resort to a wheelchair.

Supermarket car parks have special spaces for disabled people. Now, there are newly added spaces for parents with young children. I wonder if there are enough spaces left to add reserved parks for ‘impractical shoes’ over in America. It seems there’s a real need. www.nexusmag.co.nz

Columns

The $3 Chef No matter what you’re told by snobby, qualified and employed chefs, pasta is one of the easiest and cheapest things you can make in your kitchen. Carb-based dinners don’t come from thin air, you know. Nor do they come from trees. Wheat is more like a shrub. But I diverge.

To make this weeks $3 dinner, you will need the following things: Flour Eggs Rolling pin (empty liquor bottle will do) Bowl Once you have assembled your tools and ingredients, pasta practically makes itself, in your hard-working hands. For each person you are cooking for, you will need 100grams of flour and 1 egg, or two egg yolks for the keen kitchen beavers amongst us. Now put the flour in a bowl, throw the eggs in (gently and without the shells), and mix with a fork until its a gooey, sticky mess (like the Outback bar counter).

Then I knead you to knead the dough (haha, see what I’ve done there?). Here’s a quick guide to kneading for those of you who are too embarrassed to raise your hand and ask the teacher for help.

Lightly cover a table in flour and throw on the dough. Grab the dough with your flour covered hands and squeeze it. The flip, press and squeeze again. Apply more flour when things get too sticky.. Keep going with this until you can stretch the dough and twist it without it tearing.

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by Chef Cyril

Cover the dough in plastic wrap, or a plastic bag from The Warehouse, and sit it in the fridge for half an hour. This is the perfect time to make a sauce which might merely consist of tomato sauce and what ever spices you have lying around, or for the meat eaters, catch the spiders and cats you need for a garnish.

When your half hour is up, dust the table with flour once again.

Knead the dough for a minute until it’s nice and smooth. Now it’s time to roll it, so grab that rolling pin or bourbon bottle and don’t forget the flour.

While you put on your best/worst Italian accent, roll the dough out. If there are any children around, you should threaten to hit them with the rolling pin. When the dough is flat, flip and start again. Roll into a thin, even circle or whatever other shape comes out of it (I won’t judge).

All that’s left to do now is to cut the dough into shapes. This is the easiest step, unless you don’t know what a knife is (it’s the pointy thing your parents throw at you). I usually cut out letters and spell my name, some of you might not enjoy ingesting Cyril (something I always find surprising), so I will let you cut out your own shapes.

To cook, throw the pasta into well salted boiling water. Make sure the pasta is completely immersed in the water. Cook to al dente, drain, rinse, add the sauce and then eat. From a plate, with a fork, you savage.

Price list

100g flour - 20cents 1 egg - 30cents can o’sauce - $1.50

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

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CITRIC

BY GOVERNOR EMERY The last few years I’ve lived in Hamilton I’ve witnessed an exponential growth in gigs and visiting tours to Hamilton. It’s fantastic that international acts as well as cats from this country have felt it worthwhile to call in to Hamilton for a show. While there have been some lack-lustre shows, I’m sure the crazy mad-dance success ones have far outweighed the dismal failures. From having a dearth of decent venues in Hamilton a few years ago, we have been blessed with a spell of exceptional ones and, of course, Diggers in

recent times. Now as we enter the year of our lord 2007 there may be a venue drought upon the horizon again although I am certain enterprising musos will still find ways and places to play.

Some exciting forthcoming shows: Friday 30 March, In Dread Response have an EP release show at Upsett Records (333 Victoria St) also playing: Antagonist, A Calm Before, The Chase. Doors open at 7pm, $5 entry.

If you missed the Smakdown last week The Wrongmen have another local show as part of the their nationwide tour. You can catch them at Upsett Records Friday 6th of April with Strangers, Gawj and Smashin’ Off. The Wrongmen put hostility and intenseness back into hardcore that I’m sure the average fan never noticed was missing.

A guy I’ve wanted to see perform in Hamilton for a while is coming through to play the Amy Racecar/Meat-bix dual CD release party. That’s right, Servo is coming to town.

Hailing from the suicide capital, sunny Hawkes Bay, MC Service deals in 80’s style drumbeats, pop bass-synth with punk-rap vocals. Along with these labels, Servo has also been questionably dubbed ‘The Hardcore of Hip Hop’ & ‘Scum Hop’. Check him out on the net: www.myspace.com/servoid Local rockabilly sensations, Dick Dynamite and The Doppelgängers are heading out of town for a show in Auckland at Hysteria with ska-crew The WBC on March 29th. Surely it must be time for some kind of tangible release from Mr. Dynamite and his Gangbängers?

Gig Reviews OdESSA

THURSDAY, 1st MARCH @ DON LLEWELLYN’S ON CAMPUS Reviewed by CARL WATKINS PHOTOS BY DAWN TUFFERY Last week I had the pleasure of witnessing another charming performance from New Zealand’s premier funky/jazzy/rocky/souly band, Odessa. Their ability to mix these styles is just part of their appeal as the four proficient musicians that make up the band do their jobs so well you leave the gig feeling like you’ve had a great night of hot sex.

A full tent of O-Week revelers would have been the perfect tribute to such a brilliant show, but unfortunately I was only one of a meagre 50 people present who tried to keep up with the seamless shifting grooves of the band and be entertained by the lead singer’s sexy dance moves.

They brought the slow burner I wished for at Christmas and stroked their instruments in the way you would want to be stroked. If I were a smoker, at the end of it all I would have laid down with a cigarette in my smiling mouth.

Hamilton's newest and biggest

CD DVD & Vinyl store 07 839 4435 PHONE

CORNER OF WARD AND VICTORIA ST , HAMILTON 42

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

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Tuesday 13 March The Multiple Sclerosis Waikato Trust presents Olga Bobrovinikova in concert in support of Multiple Sclerosis Societies. The non profit foundation was created in 2006 and supports Olga who plays piano concerts to raise funds and global awareness of Multiple Sclerosis. The programme consists of music by Bach, Beethoven, Chopin, Rachmaninov, Tchaikovsky, Debussy and Paul Pab. Tuesday 13th March at the Academy of Performing Arts – tickets cost $20 and you might be lucky to get tickets at this late stage – give it a shot though, contact the academy on 07 858 5100.

Wednesday 14 March This weeks Lunchtime Recital features Christchurch-based German cellist Edith Salzmann, joined by Katherine Austin and James Tennant with works by Franck, Klebe and New Zealand composer David Farquhar. Catch them at the WEL Energy Trust Academy of Performing Arts Gallagher Concert Chamber at 1pm.

Koha entry.

Friday 16 March Amy Racecar play their last Hamilton show ever in your lifetime, with support from Meat Bix, The Gills, SERVO and Mega Heroes.

Catch them at Ward Lane, first band is on at 9.15 sharp! $10 entry or $15 with CD There still might be time to get yourself to WOMAD – check out the website for more details: www.womad.co.nz

Upcoming In Dread Response EP Release at Upsett Records (333 Victoria Street), with support from: Antagonist, A Calm Before, The Chase. Doors open at 7pm, $5 entry.

Got something on that isn’t on here? Want to list an event on here? Email us at nexus@waikato.ac.nz or submit an event via our website at www.nexusmag.co.nz www.nexusmag.co.nz

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

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GURU MOONBEAM’S

This is the first time I’ve heard of this particular group, a cult going by the name of ‘Growing in Grace’. This group is based in Florida; going on stereotypes, and the appearance of the devotees I have had contact with, it is interesting that they didn’t adopt the name ‘Growing older in Grace’. Actually, they do have a surprisingly large youth base as well, which proves one thing: anyone is susceptible to recruitment if the right carrot is dangled in front of them.

Growing in Grace’s leader is known as Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda, but he has called himself various things such as from the reincarnation of St. Paul, the Antichrist and, paradoxically, Jesus.

Many of his church members are so dedicated that they tith around 50% of their incomes to him. And in recent times, members have taken to having the number 666, or SSS, tattooed on their arms, legs or necks has a sign of devotion to De Jesus. The latter are the initials of De Jesus’ motto, “salvo siempre salvo” or roughly translated, “saved always saved”.

Saved from what exactly – sin, subjugation, sanity; or perhaps

saving De Jesus from poverty? This was a question the members I talked to were unable to answer. While the word ‘cult’ conjures imagery of UFO’s, mass suicides, religious zealots, and blazing infernos, the majority are a lot more subtle in their means but still manage to harm and control their members nonetheless.

I have noticed that there are a lot of domestic and international students who are new to the Waikato. Many newcomers are yet to form decent support networks in their new environment. And there are plenty of groups and individuals willing to take advantage of this.

With the start of a new semester, countless groups have no doubt been trying to get your attention. The large majority of on and off campus groups I have checked out are simply that; clubs and groups.

However, if you’re concerned that a group you’ve been exposed to actually qualifies for cult status, then it would pay for you to examine it against the following criteria. If these criteria are met, you’re probably dealing with a cult and might like to rethink your affiliation. (i) Psychological coercion is used to recruit, indoctrinate and retain members. (ii) The group forms an elitist totalitarian society unto itself. (iii) The founding leader is self-appointed, dogmatic, messianic, unaccountable for his/her actions, and is typically highly charismatic. (iv) The group believes that ‘the end justifies the means’ in order to solicit funds from members, and recruit new members. (v) The funds collected do not benefit its members or society.

BOOKS Julia makes her move: First steps into leadership VIV BECK & KARIN KOS RANDOM HOUSE

REVIEWED BY DAWN TUFFERY A chick lit business book…genius concept, or just amusing? My initial impression leaned towards the latter. Julia Kennedy is a young woman working for large company who has to deal with the trials of promotion and relationship issues.

Along the way she learns valuable lessons about management such as ‘don’t screw your employees’ and ‘learn to accept constructive criticism’. These are summed up in cute bullet points at the end of the chapter just in case you were too engrossed in the story to notice. It’s theoretically quite useful, but comes across on more of a “Clifford’s good idea for the day is ‘sharing’!” level.

Having said that, there is some genuinely good information in here. The practical tips on leadership, meetings, agenda setting, delegation and the like would indeed come in handy for any management grad hitting the real job world, and interested me. The lightweight prose is easy to read, although sometimes a tad trite, and the characters tend to be (probably necessarily) caricatures. But then, kickass non-trite fiction doesn’t tell you how to lay out action items after a meeting. Worth a read for those keen on working in the business/marketing field, just don’t take it too seriously.

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Instant! MĀORI NICK THEOBALD & PĀORA WALKER REVIEWED BY LEAH GRAHAM

This tiny book promises that its readers will be able to “speak Māori in seconds!”

I must have been doing something wrong as it took me an hour or so to read it and I’m not sure that I could convince even someone with the most rudimentary grasp of Te Reo that I can ‘speak Māori’.

The improbable claims that this book makes are based on an interesting system of instant! phonetics based on a “‘what you see is what you say’ principle” (this is not to be confused with traditional phonetics). This system attempts to help the reader match common English sounds with the Māori sounds that they struggle with. That said, it was an entertaining and amusing read and even, at times, quite useful. For example, the authors attempt to correct several common mispronunciations of Māori place names such as; “Tauranga - toe-rung-ah NOT tow-wrong-ah”. This book would be particularly attractive to anybody who has ever casually wondered how to say “does my bum look big in this?”, or similar, in Māori. www.nexusmag.co.nz

FILMS

THE

AUTEUR HOUSE INTRODUCTION TO

Dave Mamet The Last King of Scotland RIALTO CINEMAS Review by Joe Citizen Forest Whitaker deserves the Oscar and BAFTA awards he got for best actor in a leading role for this film, but I’m not so sure about the rest of the movie. It’s basically a one-act narrative of a naive Scottish doctor called Nicholas Garrigan (played by James McAvoy), who decides he doesn’t want to be a family GP and goes instead to Uganda where he becomes the personal physician of the new dictator Idi Amin. This incredible luck soon turns sour, but despite numerous warning signs Dr Garrigan is unwilling to believe that his generous employer is really a brutal and sadistic monster. When the penny finally drops, its way too late to leave and the unfortunate idealist has to confront not only the cold-blooded truth, but also his own culpability and destruction of selfworth as he realises he has lost any semblance of integrity.

Whilst McAvoy’s performance as an artless wonder is superb, it is Whitaker who really steals the show as the manic-depressive and paranoid generalissimo with a penchant for alternating turns of generosity and extreme cruelty. There are those who have criticised this film’s images of ultra-violence, and whilst some of the scenes are gruesome, none of them are gratuitous or over-played for sensational effect.

This film tries to integrate a fictional character through otherwise historically accurate events, although I was really disappointed with the whitewashing of the role of the British government’s role. It’s no secret that Amin came to power with the help of British training and despite a break in British-Ugandan diplomatic relations in 1976, Britain continued to aid his regime with substantial military hardware in return for continued access to the country’s valuable mineral resources.

That Amin’s disposed predecessor Milton Obote had nationalised 80 British companies, certainly made him no friends in London and Amin was seen as being more malleable then any potential alternative. This policy of aiding Amin continued right up to immediately prior to his overthrow in 1979.

The lighting and general mise en scene however are really first class – there appears to be a growing trend in these types of movies to portray real events without the gloss of the studio removing authenticity by creating a hyper-reality. I particularly enjoyed the combination of standard camera work and little video movements in moments of drama. Repeating animal motifs similarly gave depth where many movies simply would’ve relied on gore.

All in all, not bad, although personally I think Blood Diamond is better. www.nexusmag.co.nz

BY RICHARD SWAINSON David Mamet writes the best “fuck you” dialogue in the world.

Hardcore Tarantino fans who doubt this should check out the opening scene from Mamet’s adaptation of his play Glengarry, Glen Ross. Not only does it provide a capitalistic mantra for the ages (“Always Be Closing”) it performs the minor miracle of turning at least one Baldwin brother into a half-decent thespian.

Hitherto that gene pool had only been known for excessive weight, squintiness and facial tics.

Glengarry, Glen Ross probably has the finest ensemble of male American actors since the first two Godfather films. Alec Baldwin aside, there’s Al Pacino, Ed Harris, Alan Arkin, Kevin Spacey and, trumping them all, in his last great leading role, Jack Lemmon. If you put any stock in such things after the other week’s ceremony, that lot have six Oscars between them and god knows how many nominations.

Glengarry, Glen Ross deals with the seedy world of Real Estate salesmen. All Mamet movies are studies in masculinity.

The original work that he himself has directed - House of Games, The Spanish Prisoner, Heist and Spartan - tend to be selfconscious genre pictures, variations on film noir or the caper or action film suffused with stylised dialogue, character and incident that the unsympathetic may find mannered. Yet, as I say, no one can give the words “fuck you” more resonance.

Mamet’s also got a lighter side. His adaptation of Terrence Rattigan’s ancient play of British manners, The Winslow Boy, is surprisingly astute, with understated romantic banter and a great feel for the Edwardian era. Likewise State and Main, a gentle satire on independent filmmaking, betrays a knowledge of what it is to shoot on a budget in small town America.

At Auteur House in addition to most of these titles we stock the latest Mamet to hit the small screen: Edmond. William H. Macy, the playwright’s most frequent interpreter, is well cast in a tale of mid-life melt down that’s like a cross between After Hours, Eyes Wide Shut and The Shawshank Redemption.

Racist inclinations were never so poetically put to rest as in Edmond’s wholly unexpected DAVE MAMET (RIGHT) AND VAL KILMER closing moments.

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PHOTO BY REDINSECT.COM PHOTOs BY PETRAJANE.COM

Amy Racecar, have been making music and love with the New Zealand public since early 2002. Lurching between furious power blasts and lilting country ballads along with new wave beatdowns splashed with no wave mouthwash. Taking a leaf from Split Enz, Head Like a Hole, The Headless Chickens with a dash of The Skeptics and the Patea Maori Club.

Having released several exciting EPs, The Racecar are now releasing their debut album Conclusions in a series of shows with their good friends Meat-Bix this March. Conclusions was recorded at Dudley Studios in Hamilton and Level 7 Studios in Sydney and is the product of three years of playing “pop/rock with other bits” in this lush paradise that is New Zealand. After a couple nationwide tours and a wealth of shows locally, the decision was made to lay down the band’s favourite tunes while everyone was still talking to each other.

The initial sessions at Dudley were productive, with everything going to plan but after additional work was commenced in their home studio the recording process become a complete disaster with expiring hard-drives, sulking band-members and having to re-record pianos due to interference from irritating electrical tools. Despite these hardships, the band are extremely pleased with the results and feel that just like fresh strawberry cheesecake it has been worth it all. The upcoming shows will be NZ folks last chance to catch Amy Racecar before the lads relocate to the graveyard of many NZ bands, Melbourne.

Currently comprised of Anthony – Drums, Lemon – Bass, Gareth Guitar, Ashwin – Keys, Matt – Vocals. Amy Racecar are looking forward to sharing themselves with you and your friends in an intimate fashion!

Amy Racecar/Meat-Bix Dual CD release party at Ward Lane this Friday, 16th March (Next to where Havoc used to be off Ward St) with guests SERVO, The Gills and Megaheroes. $10 entry, cheap CDs available on the night.

Get set up for a summer weekend’s lounging with this nifty Coruba prize pack: 1x Case of mixed Coruba RTDs, 1x Coruba Gold Tee, 1x Coruba Gold 1l Bottle (with mixer), 1x Coruba Chiller Bag Coruba are running an mock election campaign to decide which of their four new RTD flavours will survive, with voting happening on corubaflavourite.co.nz. You might have caught them on campus last week amid the Orientation festivities. If you’d like to try the flavours in debate for yourself, make sure you enter this competition.

Kick off by registering your vote on the Coruba Flavourites website, then email nexus@waikato.ac.nz with your favourite O’week story. Up to 300 words, deadline 5 PM Thursday 8th March. It can be debauched, poignant or embarrassing – up to you. Be in to win!

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Got any funny Busted! pictures you want to share with us? Send ‘em to nexus@waikato.ac.nz and we’ll cram ‘em on here for you so you can point and laugh at ‘em with friends!

www.nexusmag.co.nz

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