issue 3

Issue 03

18 March 2010

New rules, Same old Bull Shit A big article on the Oscars! By a real life celebrity!

NoticeBoard You have to read to believe!

Show me the Money Fight for you right‌ to $15 an hour!

Beautiful columns By awesome people!

EDITORIAL nce upon a time, there was an Editor of

Cigarettes Are Fags He spent Monday with his final cigarette. Holding it lovingly, he lifted it to his lips on four different occasions until he finally lit it

Nexus who loved cigarettes. He’d have dreams at night about how amazing they were and how sexy they made him look.

Sometimes, in his darkest of nightmares, he had no cigarettes.

Then something changed.

Having smoked for 8 years, the day came when the Editor of Nexus decided to quit.

He was not, you must realise, a casual smoker.

He was a pack (and a bit) a day smoker, more if he was drinking, stressed or bored. Were smoking to be an Olympic sport, the Editor of Nexus would have represented New Zealand for the last two Olympics and chances were high he would have made it to the podium.

Quitting was going to be a tough battle for the Editor of Nexus, but it was a battle he wanted to win, both for his sex-drive and for his wallet.

Spending close to one hundred dollars a week on cigarettes is a lot for anyone.

He spent Monday with his final cigarette. Holding it lovingly, he lifted it to his lips on four different occasions until he finally lit it. He sat in the sun, sucking that final fag for all he was worth. It tasted like shit. That’s a good start, the Editor of Nexus told himself.

Three hours later, he really wanted a cigarette.

The lady at UniMart wouldn’t sell him any, because her evil Fijian overlord had gotten wind of the Editor’s intention to quit sucking on fags and had banned him from purchasing any smokes from his establishment. The lady offered the Editor some chewing gum. He told her to kiss his arse.

The Editor’s flatmates would not give him any cigarettes, because the Editor’s bitch-whoredragon wife had told them to help him quit. They said “No Editor, you can’t smoke our cigarettes or

your wife will be cross at us”. They too were told to kiss his arse.

It was now Tuesday morning. The Editor woke up, got out of bed and noticed his mouth tasted funny. Not sucking a fag right before bed had removed the thin layer of dark coloured phlegm he was used to in the morning. His wife kissed him on the mouth in the morning too. That’s odd, the Editor thought to himself, is it my birthday?

The Editor went to work at Nexus that day with a full packet of Tymo Mint-Chocolate Biscuits.

By lunchtime they were gone. So were the two packets of chewing gum and the two litres of water . The stains on his fingers had already started to fade, but it could have just been the lack of nicotine which was weakening his eyes.

Editor didn’t feel very good. He really, really wanted to go out into the pretty sunshine and smoke a cigarette.

By Wednesday, the Editor of Nexus was snapping at people. He didn’t want to be at work and he didn’t want to have to deal with people who came into work smelling of delicious nicotine and cigarette smoke.

Thursday was a nightmare. The Editor of Nexus became totally unable to deal with people and kept lifting his fingers to his mouth, as if smoking an invisible, unsatisfying cigarette. His legs jiggled up and down like he was Lars Urlich on meth.

By Friday, things weren’t so bad. Despite tossing and turning all night, the Nexus was done. The stress factor was gone and with it went a part of the desire for smoking. His ability to have a raging erection at almost any time he chose (and many times he did not choose) was a godsend to his marriage.

And there was much rejoicing in the land.

Credits: EDITOR: Art Robinson (editor@nexusmag.co.nz) DESIGN: Talia Musson (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) ADVERTISING: Ian Musson, Tony Arkell, Sarah Kelly (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) NEWS EDITOR: Grant Burns (news@nexusmag.co.nz)

CONTENTS PAGE

FEATURES EDITOR: Debrin Foxcroft (debrin.foxcroft@gmail. com) WEB GURU: Jed Laundry (jlaundry@gmail.com) MUSIC EDITOR: Hollie Jackson (music@nexusmag.co.nz) FILM EDITOR: Richard Swainson (films@nexusmag.co.nz) BOOKS EDITOR: Kevin Pryor (books@nexusmag.co.nz) GAMES EDITORS: To be decided by virtue of content submission (games@nexusmag.co.nz)

Contributors Dirty Old Blair Munro, Dirty Young Enisa Kartal, Pretty Funny Emma Edwards, Dirty Little Hollie Jackson, Dirty Hipster Kevin Pryor, Sean Castle and his Fists of Doom, Erin “it’s my hair, not a fire” Macfarlane, Loud American Mackenzie McCarty, Anthony “the Don” Ikinofo, James “Towlie” Manning” Judy’s Sweet Legs, Dr Richard Swainson, Sash Nixon, Aunty Emma Abrahams, Ross McCleod.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. WE ARE WAY TOO DRUNK TO REMEMBER WHAT WE SAID AND WHEN WE SAID IT

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL ads@nexusmag.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176 6180

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: editor@nexusmag.co.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

6-11: News from here and abroad!

12-16: WSU Pages!

25: Notices you have to read to believe!

26-27: Fight for you right… to $15 an hour!

17: Get your 8-Ball on!

18: Stupid people getting angry in Lettuce!

20-24: A big article on the Oscars! By a real life celebrity!

29-32: Beautiful columns by awesome people!

33-37: Reviews of everything from movies to books to food!

RANDOM:FYI

We Want You! To Direct Our Magazine!

Director of Nexus Publications (2003) Ltd

Nexus Publications (2003) Ltd is a wholly owned company of the Waikato Students’ Union (WSU). Each year the WSU appoints Directors to oversee the operation of the student Magazine, Nexus. In 2010 the WSU is looking to appoint one student representative to the Board of Directors.

The position of Director of Nexus is a very important one, and carries considerable responsibility. Nexus is one of the main communication tools between WSU and its members, and between students and their community.

By law, Directors are required to act with reasonable care and good faith to ensure that good governance is exercised over the organisation.

In practice the Directors assume responsibility for examining and approving the budget and annual report, and ensuring that good policies are in place to enable the business to be carried out in a professional manner. This requires up to four formal meetings a year, plus other time as required for emergency or unexpected events. If you have an interest in this ďŹ eld and a willingness to apply some thought and effort into this role please apply to wsu@wsu.org.nz before Friday 26 March 2010

Apply Now! Email your CV to: wsu@wsu.org.nz Before: Friday 26 March 2010 5

NEXUS NEWS ISSUE 03

The WSU Project

By Debrin Foxcroft

You couldn’t help but shake your bootie.

The final night of Orientation went out in a relaxed haze of dub music with Kingshifta, Knights of the Dub Table, Cornerstone Roots and Concord Dawn.

Now admittedly, I have just had to ask my colleagues in the Nexus office how you would define each of the bands that performed at the WSU Project on Friday night. Is Concord Dawn just a guy with a couple of records and a turntable? Does Cornerstone Roots build on the reggae tradition and what do you call a band that uses trumpets and a computer?

Despite my obvious inability to define each band, they all rocked.

Kingshifta kicked off the event with an energy that was infectious. As the audience slowly trickled in, a handful could be convinced to get up and dance. This was Kingshifta’s first live performance; it will be interesting to see them make their mark on the Hamilton music scene.

Knights of the Dub Table were next up. They gave a solid performance that everyone enjoyed. It was the varied style that got people swaying. It was also nice to see a little bit of audience interaction.

SALE DAY Thursday 18 March 12 month student gym membership

1 DAY ONLY

$255

Note: exercise consultation not included – no refunds transfers or holds available with this membership, student id required

www.reccentre.co.nz

Off Peak 12 month option available for only $200!

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Cornerstone Roots was one of the bigger names of the day. The audience started to swell as the band took a journey through their musical archive.

The final performance of the evening – Concord Dawn - was the one that really pulled in the numbers. Students were hypnotized by the beats, calling for more as the lights went up.

Overall it was the perfect end to a week that has included zoo animals, tricky questions, dodgy comedians and missing body parts.

Welcome to Waikato, this is just the beginning.

Comedy Night

By Drunken Bruce

Far and away the largest turn out of students during O-Week, the Orientation Comedy night was a sell out event, with Ben Hurley and Steve Wrigley drawing in the crowds.

While there were plenty of interruptions, in the form of a gaggle of drunk first years sitting in Momento and a small child repeatedly hurting itself, the laughs rolled off the stage and through the packed Village Green on Thursday night, the 4th of March.

The event was hosted by Jamie Bowen, an up and comer in the fast paced world of New Zealand stand-up comedy. While his jokes seemed to take a while to get funny, they were warmly received by the audience and he wasn’t heckled at all.

First of the big names for the night was the bearded depressant, Ben Hurley, provided some light entertainment. Unfortunately, for those who have seen him on TV or perform anywhere else, the jokes were much the same as they always were. As in, they were the exact same jokes.

Steve Wrigley provided the final performance of the night, with an excellent and fresh set and was extremely well received by the student crowd. Steve Wrigley continues to be New Zealand’s funniest comedian and the most popular by far.

NEXUS NEWS ISSUE 03

Outstanding Week

By Grant Burns

Slime rises. It creeps and crawls, slithering through cracks you cannot see in the light. It feasts on the very fabric of our society, steadily gnawing away at our most sacred morals. However, this slime is neither mould, nor liquid, nor three day old vomit, it is human just like you and I. Here we are from where we left. The stage is set, the speakers are tuned, and the big WSU Orientation Week finale is about to begin. Walking through the gates to the Comedy Show, I can feel the crowd buzzing with anticipation. A full house signals the quality and professionalism of the WSU to attract students to fun and exciting events – and the Thursday comedy night did not disappoint.

Whipping the Green into an intoxicated state of laughter were three of the funniest men in New Zealand: Steve Wrigley, Ben Hurley, and Jamie Watson. No one was spared throughout all of the acts: children, transvestites, down syndrome children, bloody Maori, bloody Honkies – pretty much any taboo or extremely ethical subject.

After the laughter died away the crowds moved north to northwest towards town and greener pastures. The wagon trail of stumbling drunks was sure a sight to see; drunken students marching to their disfiguration three by three. Marching students off to get their drinking degrees; drunken students marching and one of them was me!

Only once a year will get to see the animals out of the zoo and for free.

All different shapes and sizes moving so non-delicately from bar to bar, cage to cage. It makes one feel proud, waiting in line, observing the future minds of our wonderful society. O well look, that fine young man over there in a pile of vomit seems to be experimenting with different alcoholic compounds and their biological reaction – he’ll make a fine pharmacist. The girl in the red dress holding her boy’s bleeding head will make a great nurse after she stitches his face, and that guy in the pink shirt pushing into the line won’t turn out to be a paedophilic gym teacher.

No more needs to be said about this night. No one really remembers anyway and best not said.

about how fantastic and faultless Orientation 2010 had been. Although I was still swimming between dream and reality, I managed to comprehend the utmost sincerity and genuine delight in Deni’s words; the feeling that he and all other WSU members, O’Week volunteers, and helpers had contributed towards a life defining event which will stick in every impressionable, first years mind.

“Overall it was very satisfying experience.

Student behaviour was exceptionally good. All our ticketed events sold out. Participation from students and the community was very pleasing, really, it was just a great week for all,” said Deni Tokunai.

And so, like all great things must come to dust, O’Week 2010 ended forever. As a result there were many empty bottles, splitting headaches, and sore genitals, but there was something more significant behind it.

Orientation Week 2010 showed Waikato University has the potential to be all it can be this year, and forever more. Now more than ever is our time to stand up and be heard – don’t be ashamed that you’re not at Otago, Auckland, or Wellington with the oh-so-cool hip kids who just love to party: make some good friends, experience your surroundings, become actively involved in your studies and the student community and you will see it’s not as bad as you think. Like the slogan for O’Week says – This is It! Well, “It” is Over, and “This” (your university life) has just begun.

David Bennett MP

Friday morning I emerged onto the Green with the solemn few red-eyed troopers who had brazed their hangovers. “Hangover Hell” pretty much summed up the feeling and how quaint it was then that Hell Pizza had a promotional deal set up on the green with the same name. A bunch of hippies and gypsies then came to Momento and started up a hippie jam session otherwise known as a “Contact FM Busking Competition.” From 11:30am till 1:30pm, these buskers strutted their stuff for the chance to be crowd “World’s most talented, unsigned artist in the Waikato.”

Whilst strolling along the Green, feeling a little green, I bumped into WSU President Deni Tokunai. With a gigantic grin he proceeded to tell me all

M P f o r h aM i l t o n e ast

Phone: 07 834 3407 Email: davidbennett@xtra.co.nz www.davidbennett.co.nz

www.national.org.nz 7

NEXUS NEWS ISSUE 03

New bar: Grand Opening!

By Grant Burns

Hooray! There’s a new bar opening up in Hamilton. A new place to wet your whistle and strut your stuff. The bar is called “House” and it’s more of a giant town flat than a pansy stuck up bar.

Residing where the old Loaded Hog used to be on Hood Street, House is savvy new joint which is having its grand opening this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.

The theme of the bar is the classic Kiwi home.

Picture grandma’s old rug, polished wood floors, and that cosy, warm feeling atmosphere. The audience targeted is any student or person who enjoys a classic beer, pub fries, and a little New Zealand nostalgia. The dress code is more of a

people code: it’s not what you’re wearing; it’s how you are acting which will determine if they let you in.

“We’re tending to focus on New Zealand Craft beers – Epic Pale Ale, Emerson’s from Dunedin, Pitch Black from Invercargill, I mean we still have some of the big name breweries in there but we’re trying target the small breweries and give them an outlet. And I think by doing take, the people who drink that beer can be from 18 to 80,” said House bar owner Nathan Sweetman.

“I wouldn’t call it a student pub, but there’s going to be some students that say ‘hey I enjoy having a beer on the deck at House and enjoy

Tenancy Problems Amelia and four flatmates are looking for a flat and the landlord is insisting on a fixed term tenancy. (A fixed term tenancy runs for a definite period – say a year and neither party can break it). They do not want to pay rent for more than nine months. What can they do?

Amelia and friends can look for a landlord who offers a periodic tenancy which will last until either party gives notice.

There is usually a good supply of flats in Hamilton so they should be able to find the type of tenancy that suits.The University Accommodation office has list of flats available.

Make sure all the flatmates sign the Tenancy Agreement!

The Hamilton Area Citizens Advice Bureau provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria Street, 70 Kent Street Frankton, at Garden Place and the Cowshed at the University. They also have legal, advocacy and consumer services available where you can get more specialised help.

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the homely atmosphere’. I believe this bar is going to attract a very diverse and respectful crowd.”

Watch this space next week for a Nexus review of House by yours truly.

NEWS FROM NOWHERE ISSUE 03

NATIONALISED NEWS BY GRANT BURNS

INTERNATIONAL

Spy Base ‘disarmed for Jesus’ Three activists who broke into a Government Communication Security Bureau site in Waihopi last April, have confessed how and why they implemented their attack.

He said that on penetrating the base’s defences the men reached one of the domes, and, placing their hands on its plastic surface, said “we disarm you in the name of Jesus Christ”.

According to lead activist Adrain Leason, he stated how he, Peter Murnane, and Sam Land

Using sickles they then slashed the dome’s outer covering.

cut through and electric fence and slashing a communication dome costing over one million dollars in damage.

The trail is still continuing at Wellington District Court. Amen.

High Stakes Poker Last Saturday a group of armed burglars broke into a German luxury hotel where a European World Series of Poker Tournament was being played and made off with the cash prize. Four robbers in disguises forced employees to hand over the cash then made off into the sunset.

The prize pool stood at €1million and forced over by the robbers who were wielding automatic weapons, machetes, and grenades.

Several participants at the tournament in Berlin’s Grand Hyatt hotel were slightly injured when they panicked and fled following the daring afternoon heist.

WellyWood: It’s so cool oi LOL Wellington International Airport has proposed plans to erect a Hollywood-imitation sign on the Miramar peninsula celebrating the heart of New Zealand’s film industry. However, public opinion on the sign has already sparked fierce debate.

“Wellington Airport is a big supporter of the capital’s film industry. It’s a relationship that has steadily grown since the industry began to flourish around 17 years ago.

“Convenient and affordable air links have enabled the world-beating Peter Jackson and Weta group of companies to reach the rest of the world,” said Steve Fitzgerald, Wellington Airport CEO. However, Wellington Mayoral Candidate Jack Yan is calling the sign tacky, unoriginal, and not befitting a city that has the pride and forwardthinking of Wellington.

On his blog last night, he wrote, ‘why do we need to rip off someone else’s idea as a joke (and a second-rate one at that)? … [W]homever raised this is, to me, not used to the idea that New Zealanders are original, innovative people, and we lead. …

No fewer than seven film-related companies are based on the Miramar peninsula, led

by Weta’s diverse range of creative and technically excellent production workshops and studios. The film industry’s direct spend into Wellington’s economy is estimated at $285 million per annum.

The event continued later in the afternoon with still 400 players in the running.

At this point the men responsible have not been caught and so far it can be safe to say the Aces hold.

54 year old jailed for 35 years for 4oz This is fucking crazy

The sign, erected on the airport’s land above the Miramar cutting, will measure about 28m in length, each letter 3.5m in height. Mainzeal and Beca will begin construction of the sign offsite, with final installation expected in June.

Smith County (East Texas) judges and juries have long had a reputation of meting out severe, some might say ridiculous, punishment for drug convictions. And Henry Wooten’s case is no exception: the 54-yearold Tyler man was sentenced Thursday to 35 years in prison for possessing slightly more than four ounces of pot. Wooten actually got off easy -- the prosecutor asked the jury to give him 99 years. (We just hope TDCJ can free up room for this menace to society; maybe the state can release a child molester or serial arsonist to find a cell for Wooten.)

I bet you can guess what Nexus thinks about this – fags!

For how much longer can this really continue?

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NEXUS NEWS ISSUE 03

under

threat

By James Manning The Labour Party is in full support of the New Zealand Union of Students’ Association (NZUSA) campaign to save their services, which is currently under threat by Roger Douglas’s Voluntary Student Membership Bill.

Labour Tertiary Education Spokesperson Maryan Street confirmed her Party’s support over the NZUSA, pronouncing that Douglas’ Bill is “a bid to remove student associations from our tertiary education campuses”.

“Student Associations provide representation at the highest level of tertiary institutions...Making them purely voluntary, rather than subject to a majority vote to make them compulsory, as is the case at present, risks taking away services from first year students which they don’t even know about and have not been able to assess as worthwhile”, says Street, further defending the students of New Zealand.

The bill, if passed, will devastate important student association services to students.

Reductions in the services and student life

Execution! It

The Freemasons. The Illuminati. Destiny Church. The Rotarians. Throughout history, wherever there has been society of any sort, there have been secret societies. Members of these societies claim they are fraternal organisations, nothing more than clubs where members can help their communities and form deep and lasting friendships. But there are those who claim there is something more sinister at work. Secret societies such as these are rumoured to be much more expansive and influential than we could ever imagine. Some even claim that these groups control governments and orchestrate world events. But there is another organisation so secret that many people, even some people who they represent, are not even aware of their existence. This organisation is called the WSU. Rumours of their existence have been circulating for years, but now we will have facts.

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previously provided by these associations can be expected to occur. “We need to save our services from this Bill because the students’ voice will be silenced, services to students will be lost, and the cost to students will be massive”, warns NZUSA co-President Pene Delaney.

The NZUSA will be visiting Waikato University on March 12th (last Friday) to rally support for their campaign.

With Jordan Baker I will be going undercover to infiltrate the weekly gatherings of this shadowy group and reporting my findings in Nexus, the only magazine brave enough to publish them. All will be revealed, the good, the bad, and the ugly. And these reports couldn’t come at a better time, because this is an organisation under threat. The VSM Bill proposes to make Student Union membership voluntary, and considering that last year less than 10% of the students at this university voted in the student elections, it is pretty easy to predict what sort of membership they will get if it is passed. Some would say that this is a good thing, but my sources inside the Union tell me that this could mean no more O’Week, no more Nexus, no more of the countless other things that allegedly come from the WSU. The world is changing, and I will be there in these turbulent times revealing the truth, the halftruths, and the not-even-slightly truths.

NEXUS NEWS ISSUE 03

Path to

Secret History of the World

By Grant Burns

In 1973, America had begun pulling her troops out of Vietnam. After many long years of fighting, the Americans had begun to smell defeat – The North Vietnamese would rather die on their feet then live on their knees meaning that defeating and ruling the Communists would be impossible.

Meanwhile, just over the border in Cambodia, socio-political turmoil was erupting. Cambodians were fighting against the North and South Vietnamese over land and political control.

During this time a movement known as the Khmer Rouge came about with their sadistic leader Saloth Sar a.k.a Pol Pot. The Khmer Rouge later became known as The Cambodian Communist Party.

The Khmer Rouge began to overrun Cambodia by late 1973. One of their first initiatives was to move people from urban areas back out to the countryside. The city people were considered like a disease that needed to be contained so

that it would not infect areas run by the Khmer Rouge.

Pol Pot then came up three main courses of action. The first one was that after their victory, the main cities of the country would be evacuated with the population moved to the countryside. The second was that money would cease to be put into circulation and quickly be phased out. The final decision was to agree to Pol Pot’s dictatorship which included ideas of killing top intellectuals, all current government officials, and anyone who spoke out against him.

Worse than Hitler “To keep you is no benefit; to destroy you is no loss” – a banner of the Khmer Rouge.

The Khmer Rouge overtook the capital of Cambodia, Phnom Penh, April 17 1975. From here Pol Pot took charged. He officially changed his name from Saloth Sar to Pol Pot, declared himself “brother number one”, officially changed the name of Cambodia to Democratic Kampuchea and reset the Cambodian calendar to a “Year Zero” (similar to what happened in the French Revolution).

Pol Pot believed in the Maoist idea that the farmer peasants were the true working class, so as a result he mass evacuated all major urban areas and relocated his people to the countryside. He also stopped the majority of the population voting and quashed all religious and ethnic groups.

Hundreds of thousands of civilians were then taken out in shackles to dig their own mass graves. Then the Khmer Rouge soldiers beat them to death with iron bars and hoes or buried them alive. A Khmer Rouge extermination prison directive ordered, “Bullets are not to be wasted.” These mass graves are often now referred to as The Killing Fields.

It wasn’t until 1978, that anybody actually did anything about Pol Pot. Conflicts between Vietnam and Cambodia continued throughout this time and as a result Vietnam attacked Cambodia in 1978 in self-defence and won. Pol Pot then fled to the Thailand border where he died on April 15 1998. He was never trialed for his war crimes.

As a result of the Pol Pot regime, 2.5 million or 21% of the Cambodian population had been massacred by the Khmer Rouge. Anyone

Pol Pot Regime 1975 -1979,

Cambodia “Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background, the countless minor scenes and interiors of the secession war; and it is best they should not.

The real war will never get in the books,” – Walt Whitman.

who was said to have intellectual superiority at the time of Pol Pot was ordered to death.

Pol Pot himself was educated in France but returned to Cambodia because he failed his grades numerous times. This period in history has never been given its due recognition, until now. Forever in history this event will be known as the Cambodian Genocide, The Cambodian Massacre, or the Pol Pot Regime.

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YOUR: WSU

PICTURE LOG Clubs Events

A Message from the Clubs Co-Ordinator Hi,

My name is Shannon. I work fulltime to support the WSU’s Club Network and to do my bit to make your time at Waikato the best ever.

There are over 3000 students already involved in the 40+ WSU Clubs on campus. Clubs are always looking for students to join in the fun. If you would like to join a club the best way is to email clubs@wsu.org.nz with your details and I will get you in touch with the club ASAP. The WSU has a great club admin area; there is heaps of support available for people running clubs and a large grant fund to be allocated to clubs throughout 2010. The WSU has key

relationships throughout the university and in Hamilton; this increases the support that we are able to offer clubs. If you would like to set up a club please email clubs@wsu.org.nz, or drop in to the WSU reception.

Shan :)

Are you keen to Win $50 CASH? HERES HOW … Decipher this letter home, drop in the deciphered Answer to the WSU reception OR email to clubs@wsu.org.nz and go in the draw to win $50 CASH winners notified next week DearMum, IhadagreattimeatO’week.

Ijoinedthehockeyclubandmyfriendjoinedthe historyclub,wearegoingtojointhealpineclub, but;wewillneedtosendanemailto:clubs@wsu. org.nz.thatsthebestwayofgettingintouchwith alltheclubsoncampus.

I’mhavingfunhere,sendfood! loveJo

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Thinking Space for your Answer...

Don’t forget your name & no.

YOUR: WSU

Prez Sez

Politics & the Tertiary Education Sector

The University of Waikato is feeling the effects of operating within a strict capped funding environment courtesy of continuous cuts from successive governments within the tertiary education sector. This repeated underfunding has led to stagnant staff salaries, higher

Last week, the new Tertiary Education Minister Steven Joyce made his first speech as minister.

As students, there are some key points and comments in his speech that I would like to draw your attention to and all have been echoes of what the government has already signaled. In particular, the following:

student/teacher class ratios, cuts to both academic and non-academic student services, and even the duplication of some courses within particular institutions.

unlikely that there will be any significant cash injections in the foreseeable future.”

• Introducing ‘performance-based’ funding for the sector—“I’d like to see the continued provision of student loans linked to academic progress and I make no apologies for that.

So yes, there will be some fine-tuning of the student loan scheme but hard-working Kiwi students who continue to advance their studies will not notice significant changes.”

• A targeted review of sub-degree qualifications is nearing completion.

From a student perspective, funding cuts and the introduction of what has now become a competitive market in public tertiary education has led to the emergence of and continued increase in tuition fees. However, simultaneously, I think the reasonable student should not mind appropriate tuition fee increases if the quality of education correspondingly improves too—in a tangible and meaningful manner.

it directly impacts students. It is important to note that institutions (including Waikato Uni) are already dealing with this small fraction of underperforming students. There are many possible reasons why a student may underperform in a particular class, some of which are outside the student’s control. It would not be fair to penalise a student for that.

• No more new money for the sector—“highly

In response, I want to focus primarily on the introduction of ‘performance-based’ funding as

Most students work hard and take their studies seriously already. WSU is concerned about the unintended consequences of any blanket changes to the loan scheme which may negatively affect students who are already achieving. And finally, most students are reliant on the student loan scheme to access higher education which is reflected in the fact that most students borrow to live because they have no other choice, i.e. no access to student allowances and/or no support from their parents.

Deni Tokunai WSU President president@wsu.org.nz

Glen’s VP Speak One of my roles as Vice President includes looking after the Tauranga Campus. This is to ensure that there is someone on the Board who can make sure that Tauranga students’ voices are heard. This means going over to Tauranga a minimum of once a month to consult with students: this was not always an easy task as pre 2010 the students were spread over Durham, Bongard and Windermere campuses.

Now the University is sited at the Windermere campus (some students still have lectures at Bongard) and we are fortunate enough to have two Directors (Lisa Anderson and Carl Halberg) who are studying at the Tauranga campus.

This year your WSU are working informally with the BOPPOLY Events Team (Student Worx) to

bring you all more events, starting with an actual O-Week which is a first for Tauranga Students and saw a WSU float in the street parade held on the 3rd March.

Other events for you to keep an eye out for are B-Semester O-Week (2630July), and End of year Beach Bash (date TBC).

Once a month I will be over to consult with Tauranga Students. I will also co-ordinate with Layna (Student Services) to let you all know dates/times and venue. Alternatively you can e-mail me vp@wsu.org.nz or have a chat with either Lisa or Carl.

OPEN: 8.30am-4.30pm PHONE: 07 856 9139 WEB: www.wsu.org.nz 13

YOUR: WSU

PICTURE LOG O-Week 1-5 March

WSU Service Spotlight:

Academic Advocacy Communication problems with Lecturers.

As we’ve been telling you for the last few weeks now, the advocacy service is one of the key ways in which your student union levy is spent. Using the advocacy service is free for all University of Waikato students – so make sure you use them when you need them!

you want advice, support or representation regarding anything to do with the university, come and see us in the Student Union Building. In most cases we’re able to help you out, and if we can’t help – then we know who can.

Need help?

The fact that the WSU is a unique The question you probably have, however, entity (and not part of the university is what is the advocacy service actually administration) means that we provide this for? Put simply, the WSU advocates are service independently and put students’ there to provide you with advice, support or interests first! Our only agenda is to ensure representation when you need it. This falls that students get the best deal possible. @ the Waikato Student (by the banks) We Ground floor.links with relevant university into helping youUnion in threeBuilding main categories: have great a d v othe c a ins c y and s e r vouts ice advocacy and administrators, understand email:personal advocacy@wsu.org.nz phone: 07 academic 856 9139advocacy, hardship. This week we’re going to look at of university processes and know who to academic advocacy. talk to when we want something done, so come and see us.

Academic advocacy is when we help you with any problem regarding the university.

So next time you have an academic-related Common things that we do in this category problem, use the WSU Academic Advocacy include helping students who have been service. The very lovely Shannon Kelly, who accused of plagiarism, advising students is our full-time advocate, can be emailed at on the best course of action when they advocacy@wsu.org.nz or phoned on 07 856 have a concern with their lecturer, or even 9139. Or, if you’re in the neighbourhood, helping students to prepare a submission drop into the WSU reception and book an if they miss out on automatic re-enrolment. appointment to see her.

That said, this is not an exhaustive list. If

Come see the Advocacy Service

14

YOUR: WSU

Board Talk:

What have the WSU Board been doing for YOU? The WSU Board has been quite busy lately, despite the fact that for most of you university has only just begun. In fact, the board held its first meeting on the 18th of January and has had roughly one meeting per week since this date.

Most of the WSU Directors also had the privilege of attending the first NZUSA Conference of the year, which was held in Wellington. Here, directors developed their skills in representation, advocacy and governance so that they can more effectively represent you in 2010.

WSU Directors have also been busy bees by organising events for you to enjoy. The WSU Pool Party was held on Sunday 28th February and saw over 300 students descend on the University Pool for a free swim, free food, free music and free events. You just have to check out the photos to see that a great time was had by all. Several

directors were also in Tauranga for Tauranga’s O-Week and to design the WSU’s entry in the Tauranga Street Parade. Finally, all of the WSU Directors in Hamilton had a hectic week whilst helping out during O-Week. We hope that you all had a blast.

There are also some exciting WSU-organised events happening over the next couple of weeks for you to enjoy. The WSU Events

team, with help from the board, will be running a backyard cricket competition on the Village Green every Wednesday so come and check it out or register to play! Our Environmental Officer, Sam Lake, has also organised an awesome competition with Environment Waikato for the 27th of March: check out the poster below for more details or email environment@wsu.org.nz

Sustainable Transport Challenge Race by bus around Hamilton completing challenges at various check points DATE: Saturday 27th March TIME: 2pm til you finish!

Heaps of sweet prizes.

Contact: Sam at sjl36@students.waikato.ac.nz

OPEN: 8.30am-4.30pm PHONE: 07 856 9139 WEB: www.wsu.org.nz 15

YOUR: WSU

WSU Sports & Rec Director

Hi. My name is Dan Morales and I am your Sports and Recreation Director for 2010. I am currently studying a conjoint degree in Teaching and Arts. I have been involved heavily with sports on campus for many years through Social Sports, the Waikato University Hockey Club and being Team Manager of the Tribe (the Waikato University Games team) in 2008.

This year there will be a huge push for getting students active on campus. We have already had the WSU Pool party with over 300, mostly first year Halls of Residence students, in the University Pool for an afternoon of sun, sounds and sausages – big thanks to Bar101 and ZM for their involvement. We have many events lined up for the year such as Backyard Cricket, Dodge ball and the much-awaited return of the Trolley Derby later on in the year.

One of the biggest events coming up is UniGames. This year The Tribe will be travelling down to the mighty Invercargill to do battle with

other Universities and Polytechs for the coveted UniGames Shield. The Tribe will be representing Waikato University in over 20 individual and team sports with many teams (such as our 20/20 Cricket and Women’s Football teams) defending their gold medals for last year’s UniGames. If you are keen to come with us to Invercargill, go to WSU and sign up. Places are limited to 100 students so make sure that you get in quick.

If you have any ideas on what you might like to do on campus or if you need info on any of the sports and recreation activities on campus flick me an email on sports@wsu.org.nz

View from the Mount: Lisa Anderson Speaks….

16

Hi Everyone, Carl and I have been working extremely hard since our January conference to get things up and running for our Student Union reps on the Tauranga campus. O-Week was a hit and it was fantastic to see you guys getting involved and having a good time. WSU are endeavouring to get more events sorted and underway for you throughout the year. We are currently to bring Vagina Monologues to Tauranga this year: keep your eyes and ears peeled for info about this!

So far this year it’s been some hard work mixed with loads of fun. I am looking forward to more of the same. If you have any ideas or suggestions, just let us know. We are here for you to make your student life fun, interesting

and stress-free! So come and find us (we’re the ones walking round with the black and yellow tshirts with WSU Director on them) or email Glen on vp@wsu.org.nz

RANDOM:MAGIC

Magic 8-Ball Is ‘Boy’s Day Out’ actually just a giant homofest?

Cannot Predict Now While getting a bunch of guys together to salivate over phallic pieces of metal and rub up against each other in mosh pits is totally macho, we all know that the bogans who inhabit the testosterone-fest are constantly in denial. But one day someone will see through their thin curtain of never-washed hair to the

Once the leather-clad lethario realises that a settled-down life means retooling his entire career image, he’ll snap back to his senses, out of constriction and back in to the beds of Camden-town ladies. After a book about sex rehab, a string of dirty stand-up shows and his fair share of intimate screen-time, it’s too much hard work for Brand to start to show himself as a serious man. Plus, he’ll lose 90% of his comic material. With his career heading down the

but the pros of the rest of the country too. The odds just aren’t favouring you. I’m not saying it can’t be done, just that it won’t be done by you.

You’re not the only douche trying to be Quentin Tarantino, and he wouldn’t appreciate your idolisation. Find your own kookiness.

truth within. Until then, events like these, playing up the not-so-subtle manly things in life will continue to exist, bafing even profound minds such as my own as to where their heart lies.

toilet, he’ll be out of there quick smart. Do not worry, young ones, your chances still exist.

If you’re never going to please everyone, why bother in the ďŹ rst place? Especially if there are more people displeased than pleased. Was it even students who designed these? It’s hard to know when they look like they’ve been created by someone’s little brother and their friend.

How about you just give all the students free pizza. And beer. Who would be displeased then?

Will Russell Brand’s marriage to that fauxlesbian last?

My Sources Say No

Will I win this year’s 48 Hour Film Festival? I want me some prizes.

My Sources Say No You’re a wannabe student with zero budget and borrowed equipment up against not only the elite of Hamilton (if there is such a thing),

Is the public art around the Uni one bogus waste of money?

Without a Doubt

Graduate Programmes Accounting / Technical / Leadership

Be Every You The Telecom Graduate Programmes are designed to make that happen. So you can keep more options open, you can express yourself and you can find out exactly where you really want to go. Apply now.

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TPM471 Nexus (Waikato) 02.2010

You want to be open to every possibility, realise your strengths, grow and explore everything.

30 17

Lettuce I Hope I Get To Meet these People

Write to Win! SEND LETTERS TO: Send your letters to editor@ nexusmag.co.nz

WEEKLY PRIZE: The letter which we choose to be the best each week wins a $20 Bennett’s voucher!

FORUM LETTERS: Letters may also be sent via the letters thread at forums. nexusmag.co.nz.

We always have space for more letters, whether it’s a complaint or a high five or

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication.

We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence.

We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be). Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

18

Dear that blonde bitch in the tartan skirt hanging out with Andre the Giant You guys are dickheads. First of all, I see that blonde chick barge into an old-ass lecturer right outside the bank. I thought she might have at the least apologized, but she keeps on walking and looking all cool and “oh my god I love Paramore so that makes me punk” and doesn’t pay that old dude with the bear a moment’s notice. Damn bitch, learn some manners. And stop listening to Paramore, you’re making it less fun for everyone else who isn’t a cunt.

Then I’m in the dairy and Andre the Mocha Giant comes bumbling in and talking about that weird bitch in front of me and how “birdlike” she is. Negro, that’s just ignorant! She can hear you!

Hell, motherfuckers up Mt Pirongia can hear you! You have the vocal range of a fucken blue whale! Don’t be so rude! You probably thought you whisperin but you not!

In closing, kiss my ass. I didn’t come to uni to see people being rude.

Simone Come pick up your $20 Bennetts book voucher at the Nexus office in the WSU Building.

Self Loathing!

To hell with fobs!

The term fob is derogatory and should not be used! Pshh, who am I kidding? We have fobs travelling in packs all over campus and are we sick of them? YES. And don’t tell the thought has not crossed you mind before because that would just be a lie :). Imagine being paired up with 3 Asian students who are nearly always confused when you talk to them and after a few games of charades, spits out some random shit that doesn’t even make sense? FML. It’s not the fact that they all dress and act fobby...

I mean come on, if you want to come here to study at least learn some decent English. Am I right? As a result, we go our own way and they form their little clicks of Asian people. Don’t get me wrong, I’m far from being a racist. Hell, I’m even Asian myself. I just don’t appreciate the general opinions and expectations people have about Asian students just because of the hundreds of international students flying over

from china for a New Zealand experience but instead get absolutely nothing out of it. I can’t say I’ve seen an international student mingle with a kiwi before so I’m here to say that international students should think twice before coming to study here because quite frankly, you’re wasting your money and your English isn’t getting any better.

James Chou

YOUR: LETTUCE

Txts to the Editor!

Chocolate Fish Suck Let’s spread the hate shall we, and while we’re at it let’s up the euphemisms. This goes out to that mind-bogglingly annoying character who decided he/she/it needed to support their christian friends and ‘defend their honour’.

Firstly, if I do see a christian get kicked in the groin for offering someone a chocolate fish I will first chuckle with satisfaction, and then if I see you try wreak the revenge you described, I will not only kick you in the groin, but rip your guts open, pull out your intestines and proceed to strangle you with them, then hog-tie you with them before throwing your corpse into the toxic cesspit that is the uni lakes where the ducks will happily defecate on your remains while you decompose.

Sexual fantasies aside your defence for a religion to which you do not pertain baffles me. I have Christian friends too, shit I’ve even dated them (I don’t recommend this, the ones I dated ‘never’ put out), and they’re all perfectly aware I think their beliefs are ludicrous, archaic and damaging to the collective unconscious of the human race. So why the fuck are you so supportive of those infuriating campus missionaries? Because they’re spreading ‘joy and happiness’? No they’re fucking not! They’re spreading mythology and folklore, touting it as truth and generally trying to brainwash people, so fuck the lot of you! For the record, here is everything anyone needs to know about Christianity: ‘The belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh, drink his blood and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity

because a woman who was created from a man’s rib was convinced by a talking snake to eat an apple from a magical tree.’

Wake up you Apollonian fools. There’s just you and the universe, you and your flawed perceptions, your sense of self and the other, evidence suggests there is no god and even if there is, you’ll never know, and in a universe this big, he probably doesn’t give a shit about you anyway, I know I wouldn’t. As for your deathbed comforts, you can keep ‘em. As soon as bio-technicians work out the secret to immortality I’m in, and if not, I intend to die with my ego screaming in protest, because I am the centre of my universe, that is the nature of individuality, and that is why we tell ourselves all sorts of lies about the afterlife to make the eventual disintegration of our trillions of atoms back into the universe seem to have some sort of greater meaning. Believe whatever you want, but keep it to yourself, your fallacious claims just make fools out of the stupid and impressionable and allow them to be controlled by people who should know better.

So yeah, abstain from drinking, smoking, and narcotics, stay monogamous, I don’t care, you’re still gonna die, and no amount of chocolate fish is going help, in fact your chocolate fish suck, and so do you! Now can we all get back to living in the real world please people? And finally to my dear Christian defender, seeing as we’ve both decided we’re going hell if it’s there, I look forward to seeing you, and I hope you don’t miss your pansy friends, I know I won’t.

Peace out.

From Samael.

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

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The Theist Strikes Back “Dear Ed. In reply to the insane people that made incoherant rants about my letter. Religion is a form of insanity. There is no Christain (or other) God. They have been trying to prove the existence of said gods for 2000 years plus.

Total evidence to date : None. So people trying to push religion on me are saying “I am insane, I want you to be insane to so I can control you and take your money”. Teaching religion to children is a form of child abuse and people caught doing this should be imprisioned for a very long time. Rather than say that they made a mistake, they would rather intellecually cripple the next generation. Victims often abuse the next generation. There is a reason that religion is the opiate of the masses.

Like opium it dulls the pain for a short while, is addictive, costs you a lot, leads you to a fanatsy world, reduces your brain function and makes the drug pushers rich. Now go away and read what ‘theist’ means in a dictionary.

Yours A loving Theist”

WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP

EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz 19

By Richard Swainson

20

FEATURE: AWARD CEREMONY

This is not going to be an article about fucking party frocks or designer suits. When it comes to the Academy Awards the most painful moments in a night of guaranteed painful moments are those seen on the red carpet before the ceremony begins. Hearing mincing girlie men and wannabe actress bimbos ask banally superficial questions of the nominated about their apparel is almost as nauseating as the endless retrospective deconstruction of who wore what that is played out across various media for weeks after the awards.

The Oscars should be more than a fashion show. They should have something to do with recognising the best movies of the previous year. They should strike a balance between history and current events, celebrating the significant achievements in cinema over the last 12 months whilst acknowledging Hollywood’s creative legacy.

How did the 82nd Awards stack up? The changes made to the rules and the format were many, so was there any improvement as entertainment or, dare I say it, art?

No, not really. Doubling the list of films up for Best Picture from five to ten didn’t increase either the standard of those nominated or the range of competition. Even with ten spots the Academy still failed to recognise arguably the most compelling movies of 2009 - Terry Gilliam’s “The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus”,

Pedro Almovodar’s “Broken Embraces” and our own Jane Campion’s “Bright Star” - and interesting independent efforts like “Moon” and “(500) Days of Summer” were also slighted.

Whatever the sum total of the fillies at the starter’s gate as per usual the Best Picture contest narrowed to a two horse race, a battle of the ex’s that pitted Jim Cameron’s box office record breaker “Avatar” against former wife Kathryn Bigelow’s Iraq war drama “The Hurt Locker”.

Whilst nominally art won out over commerce when it came to opening the last envelope the Oscar ceremony itself was peculiarly bereft of politics. Bigelow might have made history as the first woman to win a Best Director gong but she proved herself no public speaker, uttering a rather bland ode to “all folk in uniform fighting wars everywhere” rather than a specific statement on the military mess the US has blundered into in the Middle East. New Zealand audiences have yet to see “The Hurt Locker” - that pleasure awaits us on April Fools’ Day - but it is to hoped that its political position is more challenging and focused than that of the woman who directed it.

Perhaps with a black Democrat in the oval office ‘liberal’ Hollywood feels no need to satirise the incumbent administration. Certainly the opening monologue of co-hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin - la la land’s answer to the

Two Ronnies - was entirely devoid of jokes about anything other than movies or the people that make them. The likes of Bob Hope, Johnny Carson or even Billy Crystal could be relied upon for the odd topical quip. Martin got his biggest laugh by suggesting that Meryl Streep had an impressive collection of “Hitler memorabilia” and his edgiest one when telling “Inglourious Basterds” ‘Jew hunter’ Christophe Waltz that he had struck the ‘mother lode’ by attending an event that by implication is dominated by the kosher. If Mel Gibson was in the audience he is bound to have laughed in agreement.

Before we even got to the Martin and Baldwin act proceedings were kicked off in the worst possible way with a Doogie Howser song and dance number. Yes, that’s right, television’s one time juvenile physician favoured us with a Broadway routine more notable for effort than achievement. We are not talking Fred Astaire, Gene Kelly or even last year’s Aussie impostor, Hugh Jackman. I could barely hear the guy and he was wearing a microphone. Best that you stick to the sick bay and the “Starship Troopers” set, Doogie, at least until you’ve learnt the fundamentals of theatrical projection.

Martin and Baldwin worked better than you might think. Big boy Alec seems to have lost a bit of weight and attitude and is surprisingly capable of playing the straight man to a wit that at his early 80s height threatened comic genius 21

FEATURE: AWARD CEREMONY

status. The Oscars also bring out the best in Martin. The one time ‘wild and crazy guy’ is able to reconnect with his stand-up roots and put away the hammy schtick that has plagued the latter portion of his increasingly depressing, populist career.

The 82nd Awards might not have seen anything as cringe inducing as a bawling Gwyneth Paltrow or a distraught Halle Berry thanking everyone from Hattie McDaniel to her slave great grand mammy or even James Cameron’s immodest “king of the world” declaration

the inconceivably obese African American if only to inspire all those struggling black kids from the ghetto (it is a shame that rights to the Elvis song could not be secured: it would have induced further tears as Oprah’s backing track).

In other words there was more subtlety evident in Martin than in his last five movies combined and none of the smugness that tended to afflict fellow repeat host Billy Crystal. His one liners consistently undermined the fake Hollywood sincerity and crass sentimentality that is the stock and trade of award ceremonies. My favourite came during his introduction of Sandra Bullock. He called Sandy his “best friend in the world” and then added the quip “I have never met her before in my life”. Well, it was funny at the time.

There sure was a need for this type of levity. While strenuous efforts continue to be made to limit the length of acceptance speeches - unless you are movie royalty like Jeff Bridges, of course - the bullshit flowed in other areas.

(his ex-wife proved herself humble in comparison), but 10 Best Picture nominations require 10 Best Picture introductions. Then there is the small matter of the sycophantic promotion of each and every lead actor nominee.

Having a colleague gush about you to the world before however many billion people is a logical extension of the kind of arse licking that features on the ‘electronic press kit’ extras of most DVDs. Except it feels ten times worse than that.

Especially if Oprah Winfrey is involved. Oprah’s oration on the merits of fellow fatty Gabourey Sidibe showed what two decades as the queen of talk shows can do to your delivery style. After hearing Winfrey on Sidibe I was ready to change my Best Actress vote from the WASPy Streep to

As with last year you could pick the Best Actor and Actress winners by the calibre of those who introduced them. Jeff Bridges, for example, wasn’t talked up by his “Crazy Heart” co-star Colin Farrell.

Farrell was there, but pled the case instead of “Hurt Locker” also-ran Jeremy Renner. For Bridges only the divine Michelle Pfeiffer was good enough. Her classily told tale about getting into make-up on the set of “The Fabulous Baker Boy” seemed more authentic and insightful when it came to Bridges’ character than the rest of the gushing. Then again, I might just be prejudiced.

Sandra Bullock got to be celebrated by her one time director Forest Whitaker, a man who is physically a shadow of his former self. I think Forest might have

22

FEATURE: AWARD CEREMONY

gone down that route trod by David Lange, Peter Jackson and Tariana Turia. The stomach stapling does not bode well for him playing Louis Armstrong in future but it could give Gabourey Sidibe some ideas about how to live beyond the age of 25.

speech patterns seemed to emulate his “Lebowski” alter-ego.

Perhaps, like Martin claimed of Supporting Actor nominee (and notorious drug user) Woody Harrelson he was “like, so high”.

Only substance abuse could have helped one endure the nadir

The Bridges and Bullock acceptance speeches were a highlight of the show. Both took their leads from an early winner who without any overt tugging of the heart strings mentioned that his father had died the previous month. Dead parents became the recurring theme on the podium thereafter with Bullock’s voice cracking ever so when reflecting on her own shortcomings as a daughter and Bridges bringing the house down with reference to his journeyman actor dad, Lloyd.

“Big Lebowski” fans the world over would have rejoiced that ‘the Dude’ was finally recognised as something of a cinematic icon. As great as he was in “Crazy Heart” Bridges won more for a forty year career of genuine substance. It was uncanny how his natural

of the night: a “tribute” to the mercifully deceased John Hughes.

If ever you have cried yourself to sleep late at night pondering the question “whatever happened to Molly Ringwald?” this was the moment for you. The answer was far from pretty, Molly being very much a piece with her 80s Brat Pack co-members, all of whom were wheeled out to give testimony about what a genius their mentor was. The ravages of age combined with po-faced grief to produce an experience roughly akin to rubbernecking at a car crash: you didn’t want to look but some sick sense of curiosity compelled you to.

My major issue with Hughes memorial is that it took the place of the usual honorary awards. For serious film buffs and aspiring

could give

some ideas about to live the age of

movie historians the ‘life time achievement’ section of the Oscars were bits to be savoured. Seeing clips of old time veterans’ work and hearing from bona fide Hollywood legends often provided the only resonance the modern shows were capable of. With the rule changes this year the honorary gongs were awarded months ago at a separate ceremony. Lauren Bacall, Roger Corman and others were lauded by their peers in a closed party that was not broadcast.

It doesn’t take much perspective on the history of American film to grasp the fact that Bacall’s and Corman’s contribution to the medium are inexpressibly greater than John Hughes’. Humphrey Bogart’s widow, a star for 66 years in everything from “To Have and Have Not” and “The Big Sleep” to “The Shootist” and “Dogville” is slighted for the pudgy little man who gave the world “The Breakfast Club”? The king of the B-pictures, who discovered and nurtured talent like Coppola, Nicholson and Scorsese and whose 1960s adaptations of Edgar Allen Poe are

23

FEATURE: AWARD CEREMONY

definitive, is overlooked for the guy who gave Ally Sheedy her first big break?

The Hughes tribute was a commercially inspired, shallow exercise in nostalgia. It had nothing to do with quality of his output and everything to do with the perceived demographics of those watching the ceremony.

To put it another way: though Hughes and his movies were never once nominated for a single Oscar, though he was rightfully overlooked by the Academy in life and had not directed a film in almost 20 years, his name and image were cynically harnessed in death to boost television ratings amongst those for whom the 1980s was a formative movie going time.

Rivalling the Hughes business for irrelevance was a montage of horror movie clips that attempted to pay homage to an entire genre in about three minutes flat. The point of this was less than clear. It did give Martin and Baldwin an opportunity to parody a scene from “Paranormal Activity” and it is always good to hear some Bernard Herrmann music played loudly but I was struck by the irony of it all. The Academy has never really taken horror movies seriously in any category other than makeup, so why are they pretending otherwise?

“Psycho” is one of the half dozen greatest American films ever made but didn’t win a single Oscar in 1960. Herrmann wasn’t even nominated, nor was the most famous piece of editing of the sound era.

Moments like the horror film montage have exactly the opposite of their intended effect.

They emphasise the limitations and the hypocrisy of the Academy, not its respect for the art and craft and history of film making. I would 24

be more impressed if the montage portion of the ceremony was for once devoted to the theme of “masterpieces Oscar ignored” or “when the Academy got it so wrong”. Imagine seeing a clip of Judy Garland’s brilliance in “A Star is Born” next to the comparative blandness of the actress who won over her in 1954, Grace Kelly. Or the bald mugging of Yul Brynner in “The King and I”, the Best Actor of 1956, set against the seething intensity of John Wayne in “The Searchers”, a role for which the never better Duke failed to be nominated. The possibilities are endless.

If the 82nd Academy Awards demonstrated anything it is that the more things change the more they stay the same. The decision to no longer require all Best Song nominees to be performed live - an effort to quicken up the ceremony, and get rid of often dull material - was offset by some interpretive dancing during the Best Score category ranging from the hilariously inept to the impressively acrobatic.

I don’t think I’ll ever forget the attempt to give the themes of “The Hurt Locker” rhythmic expression: choreographing bomb disposal is a challenge that the dance director could not quite rise to.

The complete and utter predictability in all the major categories was if anything a greater problem in 2010 than it has been for many years. Any who bet against Waltz winning Best Supporting Actor and Mo’nique taking out the equivalent female gong for “Precious” just weren’t paying attention to the sundry rival award shows that predate the Oscars or industry publicity. Bigelow’s win was an absolute lock, one clearly signalled by the fact

that Barbra Streisand was asked to present the statue. Only in the Best Actress category was there the slightest contest, with a minority view suggesting that it was about time that Meryl Streep be given her third golden man. Even so, Bullock’s win wasn’t exactly a surprise.

In a flat, mostly apolitical ceremony there was still some moments to keep the rabid fan awake. The pairing of Quentin Tarantino and Pedro Almodovar as presenters was interesting: two huge talents, mutually respectful yet completely unlike in their sensibilities, briefly co-existing on stage. It made a pleasing change from the youthful starlets and non-entities who too often presented the other awards. If I was handed an Oscar by the likes of Miley Cyrus or Gerard Butler I’d consider handing it back.

With Robin Williams having lost his comedic heart after his recent cardiac surgery and Cameron Diaz looking and sounding far too much like a post-plastic surgery version of Goldie Hawn moments of humour were few and far between. Ben Stiller, attired as one of “Avatar”’s Na’vi, complete with blue body paint and tail, at least had the courage to call James Cameron on his arrogance. And Stanley Tucci displayed the driest wit, suggesting that Oscar nominations be capped at 16 so as to limit Meryl Streep’s future changes and give her fellow thespians a greater opportunity of tasting glory.

The highest point of all came when Bacall received a standing ovation. It provided the briefest of links to Hollywood’s golden age, reminding the attentive viewer of what was missing in both the night itself and contemporary cinema in general.

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Secret Society

The Waikato University Secret Society: taking over the world since 1987. We could tell you what it is about, but you know what happens next. If you wish to participate in total world domination or other club activities contact us at WUSSNZ@yahoo.com

Jedi Faith

Join New Zealand’s third largest religion, the Jedi faith. The Jedi may or may not need you.

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SEND YOUR NOTICES Send notices to notices@ nexusmag.co.nz before

Art Exhibition

Art Exhibition opening 8pm, Friday the 19th of March at Auteur House, 555 Victoria St. Featuring the work of collagist Marion Chasterlas and surrealist Cherie Sayer. Quality beer and jazz piano.

Wednesday, 5 pm. Placing notices is free for students. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Notices cannot be any more than 75 words unless you ask us specifically and we say yes. They will roll over

Haunted Milkshake maker

every two weeks, unless specified

We have a possessed milkshake maker, Breville, stainless steel, comes with matching cup. We moved, and then when we plugged it in, it makes horrific grinding noise. Ghost/spirit is likely the culprit. Still mixes well. $17.38 ONO. 027 334 9652

want us to run your notice for.

– so please, tell us how long you We will not accept handwritten or otherwise non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come

Dishwasher Request

One loving flat needs one loving DISHWASHER, must be in full working condition, all offers of price considered, text luke 0274067256

into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta.

25

FEATURE MONEY

Unite has also proposed pegging the minimum wage to New Zealand’s average hourly rate, so workers are guaranteed to earn two-thirds of the average national income

Show me the

Unite on campus launch Unite union is launching its Waikato University campus club. Unite leader, Herald on Sunday columnist, and political commentator Matt McCarten will present on topics such as the current government, the Living Wage campaign and how Unite hopes to engage students to support each other and the working poor in New Zealand.

When: 5.10pm, Wednesday 17 March Where: SG.01.

26

There is a class of New Zealanders who work and still struggle to make ends meet. People out there – in supermarkets, in restaurants and in sales - who make just $12.75 an hour.

That’s $510 a week before tax to pay for everything – housing, food and clothing. It all has to come out of the money made from that $12.75.

Jared Phillips, Unite’s organizer for the Waikato/Bay of Plenty area calls these people New Zealand’s working poor.

Phillips says the minimum wage is not enough.

Unite represents workers in the lower paid industries and they are calling for an acrossthe-board raise in the base rate to $15 and hour.

But that’s just the beginning.

Unite has also proposed pegging the minimum wage to New Zealand’s average hourly rate, so workers are guaranteed to earn two-thirds of the average national income, no matter what.

With the average hourly earnings in 2009 sitting at $25.39, Unite’s proposed legislation means the minimum wage would start at $16.90.

Phillips says all workers should be able to support their families on what they earn.

“We call this the living wage campaign because workers should be able to support their families in a decent way,” he says.

The Union’s efforts are being focused on a petition, currently being circulated across the country.

“We need to get 300,000 people to sign the petition by May 4 for a referendum to be held,” he says. “The industries we deal with has a very high turnover so it’s too small a base to really move the campaign. But we have support from the Greens, Labour and the Maori Party.”

By Debrin Foxcroft A political solution is the only way the minimum wage will change, says Phillips.

“We can’t go to business owners and say you have to pay $15 when their neighbours are paying $12.75. So we really need a political approach.”

But with the government leaning right, the union based legislation faces an uphill battle.

Phillips argues that National came in to power with more blue-collar support then they have had in the past. While they may have recognized these voters in the beginning, things are fast changing.

“Upfront clawbacks are being put to working people,” says Phillips. He uses possible the GST hikes and 90 day working probation as examples of this political shift.

“Our focus is to use the referendum to force the political hand.”

Phillips says Unite still needs 100,000 signatures before they can take their argument to the next level.

“We really need to make this referendum happen. We need to have this debate on a mass level – not just in board rooms and at universities, but everywhere.”

Signing the petition doesn’t mean support for the cause but rather support for the debate, says Phillips. He would like to see people against or ambivalent to the wage increase to sign on as well.

“Parliamentary democracy offers little in the way of public debate,” says Phillips.

“Referendums are very important to trigger discussions.”

This debate needs to be happening on campus, says Phillips.

“Its very important that we are talking about it here because universities used to be the critical

FEATURE MONEY

conscience of society – we need students help public discussion.”

Phillips also points out that while students pay high fees, their education is still heavily subsidized by the taxes paid by workers.

“Workers support students to come to university so students should also support workers in the pay debate.”

One argument used against raising the minimum wage is the recession. Phillips argues that this is a smoke screen.

“The crisis was based in the financial sector and largely to do with speculative capital. It’s not the fault of the working people. Why should we pay for the their crisis?” says Phillips. “We don’t want to back track in workers rights just because of the recession.”

Professor Tim Maloney, head of Auckland University of Technology’s Department of Economics says raising the wage could be beneficial as well as negative to those on low incomes.

“On one hand raising the wage could help, but on the other hand it could hurt,” he says. “As a group this sort of measure increases the aggregate income but the question is: how many people will loose their jobs because of the higher wages?”

Research has proven that higher wages equals fewer jobs, says Maloney.

“Going to two-thirds of the average wage is unprecedented,” he says. “There will be some loss of employment. And unfortunately, if there are any losses it is usually the people you want to protect the most that lose out.”

Maloney says there are other ways to improve the lot of the working poor.

“From policy perspective this is barking up the wrong tree. If you want to lift people’s employment prospects then you have to lift their skills, you have to make them more valuable to the employer.”

For more information on Unite’s Living Wage campaign, go to www.unite.org.nz

A brief history of unions in New Zealand 1889 - In 1889 representatives of the

1930 – The great depression weakens the

maritime unions, as well as coal miners, join together to form the Maritime Council, the first New Zealand-wide labour organisation.

1890 –Seamen and watersiders at Port Chalmers, Dunedin, walk off the job in September 1890 because of an industrial dispute in Sydney that involved their employer.

Within days their fellow union members in other ports join the dispute, and the country’s wharves come to a standstill. Companies work together to smash the unions.

1894 - The Industrial Conciliation and Arbitration Act 1894 is passed by the new Liberal-Labour government. An alliance between the unions and the government results in the 1898 introduction of the first old-age pension in the English-speaking world.

1913 – New Zealand becomes one of the most highly unionized countries in the world.

Union extremism leads to violent conflict between militant unions and employers.

unions, with some collapsing all together.

1935 – The election of the new Labour government introduces a fresh wave of hope for the unions.

1937 - Delegates from most blue-collar labour organisations in the country meet to form the second New Zealand Federation of Labour (FoL). This organization comes to play a major role in government backroom dealings.

1944 - FoL leaders back demands by engineering workers in the Hutt Valley for two weeks’ paid leave at Christmas. The Labour government eventually agrees to introduce the first legislation guaranteeing holiday pay for all workers.

Militant unions brake off from FoL to form their own Trade Union Congress.

1951 - Employers lock out waterside workers who refuse to work overtime. Other unions join them in what becomes the 1951 waterfront dispute. The militant unions are destroyed, their

leaders are blacklisted, and the FoL strengthens its power within the labour movement.

1960s – 1970s – Claims that the FoL has fallen out of touch with workers.

1987 - The FoL and the Public Service Association unite to create a new organisation, the Council of Trade Unions (CTU).

1991 – Employment Relations Act 1991 is introduced into law by the newly elected national government. This deregulates labour markets and turned all collective contracts into individual contracts between an individual employee and his or her employer.

2000 - The Employment Relations Act 2000 restores the term ‘union’ and specifies that only unions registered under the act can represent employees in collective bargaining. http://www.teara.govt.nz/en/unions-andemployee-organisations

27

COLUMNS:OTHER

Fashion Police

TIPS101

Sales don’t happen often but when they do, something great happens.... You save money! Just think of a sale like sex. It’s exciting, feels like your abusing it, a mistake even. Most of the time the size isn’t right and if you make the wrong decision you feel disappointed the next day.

Lecture 2: Cheap ways to get your krunk on.

With the Kartal Cartel

To take advantage of a great sale, here are a few ideas for you to think about when buying an item so it can take you right through winter.

Colours This season the dominant colours are: plum, grey, yellow and blue. Try to avoid tan colours as winter colours are quite harsh and make a huge contrast with pastels and tan shades. If there are a few items that you kinda like but are not keen on the colours...Dye them! It’s so easy to do and you save heaps of money.

Style: Tunics are fantastic for the in-between season. You can wear them now as a cute mini dress. For winter layer it up with a merino long sleeve top, cute waist coat, thick leggings and boots. Jeans are now on sale and are an essential for winter. Summer jeans may be a slightly lighter weight but most are a thick blend, perfect for winter. Colours may vary but nothing too noticeable.

Fabrics try and buy natural blends. They act as conductors of heat but also allow your body to breathe (merino, wool). Try not to buy fragile fabrics like silk. It’s a fucken mission to take care of and rips really easy. Buy polyester. It’s a great alternative to silk, easy to care for and is a tad warmer.

Now try these tips out! Great place to start is The White Room on Ward Street. They have 50% off all summer stock including Nyne, Salasai, Chronicles of Never and Stolen Girlfriends Club. And remember slutty girls can look pretty too.

By Hollie Jackson

Student? Check. Poor? Check. Really wanna get pissed? Well, here’s how... on a budget.

First off, beer. Beer is awesome; it’s usually quite cheap and it’s easily drinkable: Double Brown (aka Do Bros) has gone down respect since they downsized their boxes; they have gone from 20 cans for $20 to 18 cans. However, it still ranks as being one of the cheapest and not-sonasty beers available.

Crates are also awesome. They’re cheap enough (around $27, usually cheaper if you return your empties) and come in many great tasting flavours like Waikato, Lion Red and Castle Point. Crates can also double as coffee tables, nightstands, TV cabinets, bookshelves...

If you’re not into beer (shame on you!) there are cheap alternatives: Kristov vodka, for a lot of us, will bring back memories of some very, very bad hangovers. However, at $9 a bottle, you can’t really expect much more.

Sangria is amazingly yummy. It’s like alcoholic fruit juice with a Spanish twang! You can get a litre of Sangria from Pak ‘n Save for around $7 and, with a not so bad alcohol percentage and a friendly price, you can’t go wrong.

Cheap and nasty wine can be found in any supermarket. Bernadino, Jackman Ridge, Bay Harvest... all these wines average $8 a pop. Wine casks like Country Cask (the really cheap and nasty stuff) are also good modes of inebriation... and the cask bags come in handy for some wicked drinking games afterwards. You’ll find that the cheaper the wine, the more it tastes like cat piss than anything else. My advice would be save the urine ones for once you’ve destroyed your taste buds with something like Kristov.

And remember, drink responsibly! Don’t outdo your budget!

29

COLUMNS:OTHER

Loud American’s With Mackenzie McCarty Jack’s Coffee Lounge 1/31 Cambridge Road, Hillcrest A veritable riot of crimson and gold wallpaper engulfs us as we enter the buzzing little cafe on Cambridge Road. Already, the popular brunch spot is filling with customers, and our hopes are high.

After scanning the menu several times in dismay, however, my boyfriend lets out a small moan- “there’s no BIG breakfast! I wanted bacon and eggs and toast and hashbrowns- it’s all little stuff like bagles.” In the end, he opts for the mushrooms simmered in a cream and port sauce with mustard and garlic, served along-side slices of five-grain toast. This costs $13 and is absolutely delicious (suprisingly filling too), save for the fact that the dry toast comes without butter.

My vegetarian muffin is speckled with capsicum, red onion, sunflower seeds, tomato and courgette, and boasts a lovely texture...but it’s very bland. It arrives on a plate next to two little pots filled with butter (which is quickly kidnapped by the boyfriend for his toast), and plum sauce. It only cost me $4 though, and while it’s unimaginative (feta or parmesan cheese would have really helped the muffin’s cause), it’s worth the money if you just want something light.

Jack’s is often recommended for its great coffee, and indeed I’ve never had reason to complain in the past. But today’s is sadly bitter, badly mixed (all the chocolate in my mocha is in a little puddle on the bottom of the glass), and...sniffle...watery. Is this because it’s still early in the morning? Perhaps the coffee hasn’t had enought time to steep properly.

The service is adequate, if a little scatterbrained: “that was a flat white you wanted?”...I’d ordered a trim mocha. Still, the location couldn’t be better if you live around uni, the food is decent, and the prices are reasonable. This is a good spot for a quick breakfast, but either come back in the afternoon for you coffee, or skip it altogether.

30

Nerdary With Jed Laundry

I like spam. I haven’t bought any V1agr4 or a d!p10ma, but the fact that I could for low low prices isn’t what leads me to liking it. No, I like spam because it’s a fun way to cheer me up. The simple fact is that someone, somewhere, spends time working on it. They find recent news articles to attach to the bottom of emails, making it slightly more probable to be passed through email filters.

And then I come along, and in 1/10 of a second with a swift click of my mouse, destroy all of their hard work. Now do you see why I like it so much?

Anywho, that’s about all I have to say on the subject for now. If you’re still reading this, you’re still interested, so I should probably introduce myself to all the first years out there. My name is Jed. In my last 4 years at uni, I’ve been an over-acheiving (and sometimes annoying) computer scientist. I’m the geek behind the Nexus website; I’ve been to Korea (the good half); I have more Microsoft t-shirts then I do non-Microsoft t-shirts; and I’ve married a girl-geek, the wonderful Beverley. These are among other achievements. But enough about myself. In years past, my column has been about various new bits of technology. Because I’m becoming an old man who can’t keep up, this year (or semester at least), I hope to impart cool software development knowledge on you impressionable first years.

Finally a plug; Sign up for the spam-free Nexus forums! Most of the usual posters have left or are still comatose from last year, and we need to get to almost 9000 posts before the end of the year, so now’s the perfect time to step in and become a troll! Post Lettuce, there’s caption competitions (once the editor starts posting them), and a whole pile of fun waiting to be unlocked while you sip your Monday morning coffee, and wait for your wife to finish getting out of bed. Also, it’s free to access from Lightwire, even if you don’t have a Lightwire account or any monies in your account! http://forums.nexusmag.co.nz

COLUMNS:OTHER

Crevo Café

Blair Is Ace

If humans came from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?

Those that know me best will be all too aware of the frequency of negative experiences I have with women. That’s not to say I haven’t had my share of positive experiences, it’s just the balance tends to tip heavily in the favour of the things that make you want to take a bucket, and stick your head in it.

with Crevo

A question like this stems from a common misunderstanding: Human beings did not evolve from monkeys. Humans and monkeys share a common ancestor.

At some point in history (estimated to be about 29 million years.) a species diverged, each taking a different evolutionary path. Asking ‘Why are there still monkeys?’ is like asking, ‘If we both came from my grandparents, how come my cousin exists?’ or ‘If your ancestors came from Scotland how come there are still Scots?”’

From what we understand from fossils, that ancestor was probably more like a modern monkey than it was like a modern human. In nature, animals tend towards their ecological niches. Roughly put, ‘Monkeys’ remained in the forests and ‘Humans’ took a path that eventually lead elsewhere. I use quotation marks here because I’m not using scientific terms. ‘Monkeys’ encompasses a large group of species and humans are a subspecies of ape.

How do we know for sure that we’re related to monkeys, apes and other primates?

We have a fossil record which shows a fairly steady transformation.

Naysayers will claim that it’s all speculation while the media loves to play up ‘The missing link’. In fact we have a pretty solid record of change over millions of years from clearly nonhuman to what we find today. For an image of the line of fossil skulls, take a look here. ( ) But of course, every new transitional fossil discovered just means you’ve turned one gap into two. We may never uncover the full history of human origins. Fossilization is a rare process. But what we have gives us a clear image of human ancestry.

The doubters are right about one thing though. We’ve never found ‘the missing link’. We’ve found thousands of fossils of course. But once you find them, they’re no longer missing.

with Blair Monrovia

Basically, bitches be crazy.

I myself subscribe to the BBC newsletter, attend the occasional meeting, and give my spare change to the Bitches-Be-Crazy Initiative.

I’ve spent a long time, wondering exactly why it is that I can’t help but bowl gutterballs at the great bowling alley we call The Relationship. For a while, the widely accepted theory was that surnames were the things doing me in.

Knowing a girl’s surname meant you were too deep in the quicksand of the Friend Zone. The rule was (for a very short time) that I wouldn’t date a girl if I knew what her surname was, because you just don’t let your bee-nis pollinate the flower of your chick-mates. This theory has, of course, been proven to be fallacious. It’s probably also fellatious.

It turns out that, in fact, bitches be crazy.

It’s really quite simple. If a girl tells you that you shouldn’t like her because she doesn’t have perfect eyebrows, bitches be crazy. If a girl you’re “involved” with flips her shit, and you later find out that the name she gave you was a fake, bitches be crazy. If the Lord Almighty asks you to build an ark of gopherwood, so he can get his smite on and wipe out close to 100 percent of the genetic diversity on the planet (in one of the greatest genetic bottlenecks the world will ever see), bitches be crazy.

Although, there’s irony here somewhere, if you notice that I ended up going along with my original theory and got burned worse than the rectal area of a butter chicken-eating champion.

Ah well. Bitches be crazy.

31

COLUMNS:OTHER

Auteur House With Richard Swainson

Orson Welles thought James Cagney the most talented actor of the sound era. He based his opinion on the theory that though Cagney’s performances were “big” they were so focused and specific that they were the opposite of being hammy. Cagney always seems to be walking a fine line, threatening to go over the top but never doing so, keeping the audience riveted with his golden rule: “never relax”.

He is best known as a gangster. Breaking through in one of the key hoodlum parts of the early 1930s, “The Public Enemy”, Cagney rode the genre’s trends throughout the decade, switching sides to play an undercover cop in “G-Men” before giving his definitive early performances in “Angels with Dirty Faces” and “The Roaring Twenties”. The climax of the former, as Cagney’s character feigns cowardice whilst being led to the electric chair,

is one of golden era’s tour de force moments: a marvellous piece of controlled theatre that completely transcends the melodramatic premise.

A decade after “The Roaring Twenties” Cagney returned to the wrong side of the law in “White Heat”. The part of Cody Jarrett is his most psychologically complex: a mother obsessed madman suffering from headaches and delusion of grandeur, as capable of crawling into his mummy’s lap and piggy backing his wife as suicidally blowing up a factory.

Cagney was also a hoofer. His work as Broadway legend George M Cohan, a role that required him to age from a teenager to a man in his late 60s, won him an Oscar. Just as memorable is “Footlight Parade”, with Cagney dancing atop a bar in a typically opulent Busby

“Cagney always seems to be walking a fine line, threatening to go over the top” Berkeley production number. It is perhaps the only performance to ever register dramatically in Berkeley’s rarefied world.

My favourite Cagney part is in “Mister Roberts”.

Stealing the film from under the noses of Henry Fonda, William Powell, and Jack Lennon, his dictatorial sea captain is a mass of insecurities and neuroses, full of rage and petty spite but never less than a credible and therefore pitiable human being.

Tales from Tinseltown

By Emma E

While the Academy Awards were happening in Hollywood, the stars continued to entertain, and in this case, highlight their incompetence. Of note, mere hours before the Academy Awards, The Razzie Awards dishonoured and highlighted the worst performances of the year. After a long deliberation process among 725 film professionals, film journalists and film fans, the losing list for 2010 was: Worst Picture: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Worst Actor: All Three Jonas Brothers Worst Actress: Sandra Bullock Worst Supporting Actor: Billy Ray Cyrus Worst Supporting Actress: Sienna Miller Worst Director: Michael Bay for Transformers and Worst Screenplay: Transformers Ironically, Transformers became the film of 2010, creating a high buzz around fans and film 32

critics, only to clean the floor with the ultimate series of disappointing awards. However, more tragically, critics failed to award the Worst Actress Razzie to Miley Cyrus, for her pathetic attempt at film success. Instead, Sandra Bullock won, and arrived in person to receive her Razzie Awards. However, she was a sore ‘winner’ and criticised the deliberation process, offering to analyse the losing script page by page to see what went wrong. In the end, Bullock seemed to regain her composure as she attended the Academy Awards for her Best Actress success.

Finally, people worldwide have been spared the torture of Sarah Palin once again. Palin has teamed up with Survivor creator Mark Burnett recently to create her own reality show.

However, directors at ABC and NBC spared the public by dismissing the idea; stating that the show had no clear direction and that Palin may be campaigning during it airing

– creating a sneaky publicity scheme. This also appears to be a low and embarrassing move on Burnett’s side, for he is a well-respected director in the reality television circuit, and to work with Palin is simply terrible.

Thankfully, it seems television directors still have a good idea on what is good and what is simply awful; maybe they are aware of the Razzies?

COLUMNS:FOOD

Student Foods With Auntie Emma

Curried sausages This has got to be one of the cheapest and yummiest dinners to make at home.

500g sausages 2 Tbsp butter 2 Tbsp flour 1-2 tsp curry powder, to taste 1 onion, finely diced 2 cups water 1/4 cup sultanas (optional) Boil the sausages in a pot of water until cooked through.

In the meantime, heat the butter, flour and curry powder in a pot, stirring constantly until butter has melted and mixed with the other ingredients. Add the onions and saute on a medium high heat until translucent. Slowly add water, stirring to form a sauce. Add sultanas, if using and leave sauce to simmer for a couple of minutes while the sultanas plump out.

Drain water from sausages and cut sausages into 2cm long pieces. Add to sauce and stir to combine.

Serve on mashed potatoes or rice with a side helping of vegetables.

Vegetable marinade An easy way to make vegetables taste really good is to marinate them before cooking.

2 Tbsp soy sauce 2 Tbsp balsamic vinegar

in a bowl with soy sauce and balsamic vinegar.

Stir to combine. Cover and leave in fridge for at least 30 minutes before cooking. Fry on a BBQ hot plate or in a frying pan until vegetables are crisp tender.

Cut vegetables such as carrots, courgettes, capsicum or broccoli into long strips and place

Theatre Blast!

REVIEW:THEATRE

With My Main Man:TEK!

Imagine: four infants of varied ethnicities and genders secreted from society and raised to young adulthood by an unseen “benefactor” with a Genesis fixation conducting an experiment in human sexual behaviour all to settle a dispute with a woman he is wooing as to which sex enacted the first infidelity. A tale this deliciously twisted could only come from the mind of an 18th century Frenchman; The Dispute by Pierre Marivaux. Director Gaye Poole brought this play in one act to life in the delightful Medici Court during this year’s Hamilton Gardens Arts Festival.

After eighteen odd years of solitary confinement and participation in a perverse social experiment for the sake of learning a lesson the Rolling Stones summed up with “You Can’t Always Get What You Want”, Marivaux places apples in the hands of the characters to symbolize their dubiously gained knowledge and sends them on their way to what will undoubtedly be a fractured life of expensive therapy and daytime talkshow appearances, when the simple, logical and perhaps probable appeal to polygamy would have solved all problems.

The reflective moments of the play were punctuated by the lovely voice of Athena Chambers singing Noël Coward’s Mad About the Boy and Beth Rowley’s You’ve Got Me Wrapped Around Your Little Finger.

This overused theatrical tactic of modernizing an older play by insertion of more recent song played well in this instance by virtue of particularly appropriate selections and the superb treatment by Chambers. All other performances ranged from good to excellent with a particularly memorable female lead Egle played by Zoe Vaille. The élan of Azor, Egle’s (first) suitor played by Keoni Mahelona at times verged on a hyperventilating Pepe Le-Pew, although this over-the-top ardor lent a whimsical feel to a bizarre situation. The costumes were simple and at times abstract, while the rest of the set consisted exclusively of the charming Medici Court. Altogether it was an enjoyable and thought provoking theatrical experience.

33

REVIEW:COMIC COMIC

Ignition City Reviewed by Brock Dangerfield Somewhere between The Watchmen and Sky Captain and the World

Space), Ignition City takes place on the titular manmade island. It’s a kind of dumping ground for all the astronauts and mad-scientists who

A spacegirl called Mary Rave, whose spaceship was mandatorily purchased by the government of the United States of America gets word that

of Tomorrow sits Ignition City. Its Gernsbackian science-fiction takes the reader into an alternate past, where rocket travel (a la Flash Gordon) existed in the 1930s and Hitler was supported by a ruthless dictator from a distant world.

It’s cyberpunk before the cyber and steampunk after the steam.

Written by Warren Ellis (most famous for Transmetropolitan and writing the story to the video game Dead

set out in the decades previous to explore the cosmos. What they found was war and destruction, with Earth being raided and bombed at random for cultural faux-pas on the edge of the Milky Way. Now space travel is slowly being banned across the world and Ignition City is one of the few places you can get passage off-world. It’s like the wild west, but with retro-gasmic ray guns instead of six-

her dad, one time heroic explorer Rock Raven, has been killed in Ignition City. Mary travels in and finds herself in the middle of a conspiracy going back to the last great space war, which saw the end of human space travel. Gun runners want her dead, local police want her dead and Mary Raven is still trying to find a gun halfway through this graphic novel.

While this story doesn’t have the laughs I’m use to from Transmetropolitan or even any of his cultural satire, it’s still a jolly good read. There’s gore more typical for a Garth Ennis tale, but the colourful swear-word combinations could only be Warren Ellis. I recommend this for anyone who wants to get on the retro-future boat before it sales off and leaves you crying at the shore.

“Its Gernsbackian sciencefiction takes the reader into an alternate past” shooters and crab aliens instead of Mexicans.

I suppose Greg Broadmore (creator of Professor Grordbort) is part of the same wave of Victorian science fiction which is currently flooding the world’s imagination. Movies like Perfect Creature and the Mutant Chronicles also use the same kind of past/future swirl, so just imagine that so I don’t spend the entire review trying to paint you a picture of the world in Ignition City.

We have a copy of Ignition City to give away! To win, just email us at nexus@waikato.ac.nz and tell us three comics which Mark1 Comics and Games stocks! It’s that easy!

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4/3/10 2:09:01 PM

REVIEW:GAMES

PWN3D Heavy Rain

By Scampeh

The game so nice, they reviewed it twice

Based in an unnamed American city sometime in the near future, the story is played through four characters intertwined through their connection with the Origami Killer; a serial killer known for leaving origami creatures at the scene of the crime.

The graphics in HR are superb and the overall aesthetic is polished and consistent. The way in which the game directs your attention through the use of split-screen cinematography is impressive; if you are unsure what to do the game uses the language of cinema to show you. Using familiar techniques borrowed from traditional screen media is a good way of managing an audience’s suspension of disbelief.

Cut-scenes sometimes break to let the player make a decision, presumably to affect the outcome. In many situations I felt that I was forced onto a pre-determined path; the character you are controlling will announce excuses for not performing your selected

actions. Once an option is determined to be unfeasible it is removed from available actions and eventually you are left with a list of one. I wonder why Quantic Dream even bothered to interrupt their cut-scenes at all; the illusion of choice is frustrating if you don’t wish to choose the path they want you to.

Action sequences are great. You have a window of time to perform a combination of button presses and stick movements. Failure to get the sequence right or to complete it within the time limit results in a less desirable outcome. In fact,

I believe the player has more control over the narrative through the action sequences than in decision making, which makes favourable progression through the story reliant on mastery of the controller, and not on the choices the player has made (moral or otherwise).

My character was forced at gunpoint to perform actions I didn’t want them to do. That pretty much sums up Quantic Dream’s idea of a branching narrative structure. Otherwise HR is excellent and should the franchise continue I’d expect great things.

Jedi Couch Master Battlefield:

by Daggard I LOVE THE SMELL OF COUCH SWEAT IN THE MORNING… BOOM – suddenly the wall beside me disappears in an explosion of shattered brick, splintered wood and spewing smoke. All sounds become distant murmurs. They’ll be pouring out of the tank and into the room any second now and I can’t see a damn thing…

Immersion. A buzz-word that very few game developers take seriously enough to walk their talk. Enter Battlefield: Bad Company 2, the first FPS (1st Person Shooter) that lets you chip away concrete cover and even reduce entire buildings to rubble. It’s the game that takes physics so seriously a sniper’s bullet will drop with gravity over longer distances. The game where you can park a tank on a hillside and reign death down on your enemies. Hell, if shooters were measured by their testosterone levels, then this game is Chuck Norris.

Bad Company 2 Though it has a decent 6+ hour single player campaign, online multiplayer has been developer DICE’s calling card since “Battlefield 1942” and that’s still their focus here. Experience points are earned through your actions and intelligent squad play is also rewarded. Close-quarter kills earn you a dog tag (literally kicking their ass AND taking their name). But ultimately Battlefield is a war game; it’s about using your men and the terrain to your best advantage.

If you have a decent 5.1 home theatre set-up?

Crank. That. Up. The virtual soundscape is over half the experience, capturing the thunder of weapons and chaos of warfare like no other.

Firing that final, death-bringing RPG missile into a tank and witnessing it go up in a fiery black cloud is enough to give Michael Bay wood.

More than just a mere shooter, BF:BC2 brings together destruction, physics, progression,

strategy, teamwork and action to make an intensely immersive war experience. For those of us that once pretended to spray machine gun bullets in our backyard, drive a massive tank or blow up a building – say hello to the advanced game.

Win A Copy of LIPS! We have a butt-load of copies of the LIPS game to give away this week, thanks to our friends at Microsoft! All you have to do is come to the window outside Nexus (next to UniMart) and sing to the Nexus staff!

35

REVIEW:FILM

Lido Film Review With Richard Swainson

Johnny Depp hamming it up as the Mad Hatter

Having Tim Burton film Lewis Carroll’s tale of juvenile surrealism sounds like a match made in movie heaven. The fact that it comes at a time when the digitised version of 3-D is assuming some serious box office momentum wets the appetite still further. What could be more enticing than Johnny Depp hamming it up as the Mad Hatter, Helen Bonham-Carter as a disproportionally shortened, bulbous-headed Queen of Hearts, Crispin Glover her twitchy faced security boss, and a variety of talent from the Burton stock company voicing CGI incarnations of well known creatures?

Well, maybe the original story.

Burton’s decision to eschew the tried and true narrative in favour of some kind of vaguely feminist themed sequel which sees Alice

as a young adult on the verge of marriage has unfortunate echoes of Spielberg’s wretched attempt to update “Peter Pan” for the 1990s, “Hook”. Though it is much better than that embarrassment, Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland” seems like a variation on “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe”, or “Lord of the Rings”, with a climax that involves a big set piece battle between the Queen of Hearts’ army of playing cards and those loyal to her pacifist sister (a White Witch who has strayed from Narnia?), and the slaying of a giant monster called the Jabberwocky (one borrowed from another of Carroll’s works). He thinks he’s making an action adventure - and an over-plotted one at that - whereas the material requires a good deal more charm, subtlety and atmosphere.

As you might expect Burton delivers something that looks

the part and there are some droll performances along the way. Alan Rickman fans should particularly enjoy his dry witted Blue Caterpillar, Stephen Fry has fun with the Cheshire Cat, and the phenomenally ugly “Little Britain” star Matt Lucas scores doubly as Tweedledum and Tweedledee.

Aesthetics and the direction of actors are part of the job that Burton seldom struggles with.

Where he usually goes wrong is in the conception and scripting of his projects. He’s messed with the classics before with disastrous results - how could he ever have thought that remaking “Planet of the Apes” was a good idea? - and “Alice” largely falls into the same category of failed experiment. It’s nadir comes toward the end when Johnny Depp indulges in a spot of digitally enhanced break dancing.

Could anything be further from the spirit of Lewis Carroll?

Get your StudentCard at the Waikato Students’ Union

For more details check out studentcard.co.nz 36

36

REVIEW:BOOK

Kevin Pryor Goes Down on Books The Outsider by Albert Camus So you’re at University and you want to cover a few intellectual bases while you’re here.

Marxism. Check. Situationism. Check. Anarchosyndicalism. Check. And now you want to cover existentialism, but the thought of reading a Jean-Paul Sartre philosophy text book is about as appealing as eating cold shit, right?

Well fortunately Sartre’s drinking buddy Albert Camus wrote existential novels, and the Outsider clocks in at a merciful 117 pages.

It’s also an easy read because Camus was influenced by American hard boiled writers like Raymond Chandler, making the prose crisp and lean.

Like a hardboiled detective story the central plot point is a murder.

Unlike a hardboiled novel however, is the motivation of the murderer.

The protagonist Meursault, kills an Arab because he’s on the beach and he’s hot, and the sun was shining in his eyes.

1812: Napoleon’s Fatal March on Moscow

by Adam Zamoyski Reviewed

by Art Robinson “No other campaign in history has been subjected to such overtly political uses.”

There’s few parts of history which interest me more than when supposedly powerful, intelligent military geniuses stuff up for no good reason. Napoleon’s march on Russia in 1812 is one of the most referenced examples of military blundering, but one which may surprise you once you’ve read this book.

This is the key theme of the novel. None of Meursault’s actions are driven by any internal motivation or feeling. He lives a completely sensual existence. His mother dies and his primary experience of the funeral is how hot it is walking behind the hearse, and the strong desire to light up a smoke while standing next to the casket. Later his girlfriend asks him if he’ll marry her. Meursault says yes, but when she follows by asking him if he loves her, he says ‘probably not, it doesn’t matter anyway.’

This encapsulates both Meursault’s world view and that of existentialism as a whole; what do personal feelings matter in a completely impersonal, mechanistic universe?

I’m not sure I should recommend this book really. I’ve read it a few times over the years and I can’t decide whether it’s had a good influence on me or not. I used to have a lot of dreams and ambitions but now I live completely from moment to moment, and can barely

A lot of history books are exceptionally dull and unreadable. I’m not going to argue for every boring piece of history non-fiction that comes out of the book store. Every now and then, however, a historian with a real gift for writing pops up. Antony Beevor, author of Stalingrad and Berlin, is one of these author-historians.

Adam Zamoyski is another.

Most people who think they know something about Napoleon’s campaigns will claim, with great confidence and apparent in depth study, that Napoleon marched to Russia, got absolutely wrecked by severe weather and was militarily beaten by superior Russian forces, before attempting to retreat back to France.

Then, while he and his troops were fleeing across snowy fields, the Russians smashed them a whole lot more.

That’s only part true. Adam Zamoyski, while not digging up any wild theories (like that ass-hat Gavin Menzies), does an exceptional job of examining the facts, all the while painting brilliant character portraits of the

conceptualise more than a few days in advance.

So best to save this one perhaps until you’ve finished your degree, the undergraduate part of it at least.

major players, from Napoleon to Bagration and beyond. Soldier’s diaries and orders of the day all play a part in the construction and careful examination of the events from Napoleon’s illfated march on Moscow.

This book is not a light reading book, but few (if any) military history books are. It is, however, most accessible, even to those who don’t lend themselves to the reading of non-fiction. The chapters are well defined, rather than running together like some other history books. I wouldn’t recommend this book for everyone, but it’s definitely worth a read if you enjoy Napoleonic history.

Book Giveaway We have a book to give away! That’s right kids, a real book! If you can name one book we’ve reviewed in Nexus so far this year, email us at nexus@waikato.ac.nz with your name and ID number and we’ll get you a book! It’s THAT easy! Be in quick though, because we only have a few!

37

LOCAL:GIGS

N

r

The Mamoth

WHAT’S ON

ISSUE 1.2.1 MAR 8 - 30 2010

MUSIC

-Strangers Wasteland The Vrill

2010

Thur 25 Mar,@Vector Arena , Auckland

Jools Holland & his Rhythm & Blues Orchestra

Gig Guide

Send your gig listings to gigs@nexusmag.co.nz. We will print them for you! Seriously, send them. There’s got to be SOMETHING happening in this city.

AnnaCoddington DJ Manraro funk, hip hop, soul Thur 11 Mar Doors 9pm $15 presales fromUTR @The Yot Club 9 Bow Street, Raglan

MASSIVE ATTACK

Edwin Derricutt

Fri 19 Mar, Doors 7pm all ages @ Void - 651 Victoria St. Kick back & enjoy an evening with some of Hamtowns giants of hardstraightedgeblastbeat nihilisticblackthinkingmansmetal “I fuckin’ love these fuckers!”

Temuera Morrison

-Strangers Strangers Wastland Wasteland The Vrill

Album Release Tour Thur 11 Mar, Doors 7pm @Momento FREE

The Vrill OPUS on FridayFriday 19th March Fri 12 Mar,Doors 5pm Knights of the Dub Table @ WEL Energy Trust Academy of 19 Mar, Doors 9pm @Flow $10 Performing Arts Knights Doors OpenFriSuperstars at 7pm (all ages) own R’n’Dub, of H-Town’s Free live music in the Academy foyers. of the Dub Table, hit the stage for their first the bar for Special discounts available atFri trademark Bar for 2010, with their 19- 651 Mar, Doors 7pm gig at Flow (ID students and staff of the University end low @ Void Victoria St. panty moistening, dirty ol rotten required). This week “Zebra Jazz” - ...

Popstrangers Fri 26 Mar, Doors 8pm @Flow Bar $5 with support from Black Jagger (AK) Deer Park (AK) & Black Gods (HAM)

Tue 30 Mar, 8:00pm @ ASB Theatre, Aotea Centre 50 Mayoral Dr, Auckland CBD Ticket Information: * Premium: $139.50 * A Reserve: $119.50 * B Reserve: $98.50 0800 BUY TICKETS (0800 289 842) * Booking fees may apply

As I Lay Dying Emmure Saving Grace

Fri 26 Mar, Doors 7pm @ Transmission Room, Auckland CBD $40 You need more metal in your diet The Collective proudly presents

all ages Verlaines @ Void - The 651 Victoria St. National Tour 2010 Kick back & enjoy an evening with some of Connan Mockasin A-Sides - Uk Album Release Tour Hamtowns giants of Worldwide Album Release Tour Knights of the Dub Table hardstraightedgeblastbeat Friday 19th March nihilisticblackthinkingmansmetal Doors Open 9pm “I fuckin’ love these fuckers!” @Temuera Flow Bar Morrison subs, guaranteed ....

ELECTRIC NITES

Sat 13 Mar, Doors 9pm @ Flow Bar $5 DANIEL FARLEY with support from Dan Bisley, Mass Efekt and Tronik DJs.

with support from Simon Comber and Tono

Sat13 Mar, Doors 10:30pm @MonkeyFeather Support from: IN:MOTION High Speed Dubbing , Advokit, Vhari, MC Rolex

Sat 20 Mar, Doors 9pm @Altitude bar Limited Pre-sale Tickets $20 from www.

UnderTheRadar.co.nz Seminal Dunedin band The Verlaines are pleased to announce they will be playing around the country in March this year. The literate and dramatic New Zealand guitar pop band the Verlaines formed in 1981; led by singer/guitarist Graeme Downes, with their debut on the 1982 Dunedin Double compilation EP, they have gone on to produce 9 albums, with number 10 in getstaion right now.

THE UPBEATS & TREI

with support from HABIT (wgtn) MIDIAN (wgtn) + Live visuals by DURTYMOVIE PRODUCTIONS Sat 27 Mar, Doors 9pm @Flow $10

Sat 27 Mar, Doors 8:00pmPre Sales: $25.50 * Door Sales: $30.00@Toto / Montecristo Room 53 Nelson St, Auckland CBD Written and recorded over the past 18months, from East Sussex in the UK to an abandoned haunted house in Wellington.

MASSIVE ATTACK Popstrangers

The UK’S most popular pianist and bandleader, Jools Holland and his Rhythm & Blues Orchestra, featuring Gilson Lavis, and vocals from the wonderfully talented Ruby Turner and Louise Marshall.

Thur 25 Mar,@Vector Arena , Auckland Friday 26th March

OTHER THINGS Hamilton Film Society

Mon 8 Mar, 8:00pm @Victoria Cinema, 690 Victoria St Screening of “La France” (Dr. Serge Bozon, France, 2007). Serge Bozon’s elegantly assured debut mixes genres – period romance, war movie and musical.

Weekly | Tues 8 March 2010 Cost: Full membership $100./$90 students/ unwaged and three film passes ($30) available

Doors Open 8pm @ Flow Bar $5

RNZB presents The Tower Season of

From Here to There

Sat13 Mar - 7.30pm, Sun 14 mar - 6.30pm @ Founders Theatre $25 three stylish, spirited and sensual works of dance, featuring two new commissions – A Song In The Dark and Silhouette – and the return of an acclaimed encore, A Million Kisses to My Skin.

$10

The Verlaines Saturday 20 March Doors Open 9pm @ Altitude Bar Limited Pre-sale Tickets $20 www.undertheradar.co.nz

Knights of the Dub Table

Fri 19 Mar, Doors 9pm @Flow $10 Superstars of H-Town’s own R’n’Dub, Knights of the Dub Table, hit the stage for their first gig at Flow Bar for 2010, with their trademark Massive Attack dirty ol rotten low end panty moistening, Thursday 25th March .... subs, guaranteed @ Vector Arena, Auckland

The Verlaines National Tour 2010

As I Lay Dying ...

Popstrangers

Dying Emmure FriAs 26I Lay Mar, Doors 8pmSaving Grace Friday 26th March @Flow Bar $5 Doors Open 7pm with support from @ Transmission Room, Auckland CBD Black Jagger (AK) $40 Deer Park (AK) & Black Gods (HAM)

The Upbeats & Tre As I Lay Dying With support from Habit & Midian Emmure Saturday 27th March Doors Open 9pm Saving Grace

Flow Bar Doors 7pm Fri@26 Mar, $10 @ Transmission Room, Auckland CBD $40 You need more metal in your diet

Connan Mockasin

The Collective proudly presents

Saturday 27th March THE & TREI DoorsUPBEATS Open 8pm with from Pre support Sales:$25.50 Door Sales:$30.00 @ Toto/Montecristo HABIT (wgtn) Room, Auckland CBD

MIDIAN (wgtn)

+ Live visuals by DURTYMOVIE PRODUCTIONS Sat 27 Mar, Doors 9pm @Flow $10

with support from Momento Lakes now open Simon Comber and 9am -2pm For your weekend enjoyment!

Tono Sat 20 Mar, Doors 9pm @Altitude bar Limited Pre-sale Tickets $20 from www.

UnderTheRadar.co.nz 38 Seminal Dunedin band The Verlaines are pleased to announce they will be playing

Saturdays!

Connan Mockasin Album Release Tour

Sat 27 Mar, Doors 8:00pmPre Sales: $25.50 * Door Sales: $30.00@Toto / Montecristo Room 53 Nelson St, Auckland CBD

Jools H & his Rh & Blues Orchestr

Tue 30 Mar, 8 @ ASB Theatr Centre 50 May Ticket Inform * Premium: $ * A Reserve * B Reserve 0800 BUY * Booking f

The UK’S mo bandleader, Jo Blues Orchest vocals from th Turner and Lo

OTHER

Hamilto

Mon 8 Mar, 8 Victoria St Screening of France, 2007). assured debut romance, war Weekly | Tues Cost: Full me unwaged and available

RNZB prese

From H

Sat13 Mar - 7 Founders Thea

YOUR BUSTED PHOTOS STEP ONE: Party STEP TWO: Take pictures STEP THREE: Email them to us at busted@nexusmag.co.nz

Photos Taken by Anthony Ikinofo Event: Soundscape, The Outback