issue 4

Issue 4 路 20 March 2006

Gig Review

A Low Hum

Featuring: Grand Prix, Whipping Cats & Connan and the Mockasins 11 March 2006 @ Ward Lane Reviewed by Matt A Low Hum (ALH) tours travel up and down New Zealand and have been happening sporadically in the past but now have been on a regular monthly basis. March’s line-up featured Grand Prix, Whipping Cats and Connan and the Mockasins. Don Julio and the Hispanic Mechanic were also queued to play but a mix-up of dates proved that to be otherwise. The cool part with ALH tours is that for an extra $5 (entry is $10) you receive a magazine detailing various New Zealand, and even international, music acts and two CDs with music from the musicians and bands outlined in the magazine. The magazine, more often than not, provides an interesting insight into the underground NZ music scene. The greatest thing about ALH is the fact that it’s helping bands and musicians gain more exposure through playing shows all over NZ and also being featured in the mag and on the CD. Grand Prix started off the night with their unique blend of country, surf, mariachi and rock. A most enjoyable listen their sounds soothed and made me move my head to the beat. A solid performance was also made a little bit nicer with the addition of a trumpet that really added to the overall sound. A band that stands on their own two feet musically, Grand Prix left a good impression on myself.

Whipping Cats were up second and their unique line-up of a guitarist/ vocalist, drummer and a harmonica player/keys/vocalist started to up the energy notch. Great vocals paired with catchy blues riffs, solid beats and a fantastic harmonica - the Whipping Cats didn’t disappoint.

Connan and the Mockasins played last and were well received. In a fun set for the audience and the band, Connan and the Mockasins played their eclectic blend of blues psychedelic rock. Fantastic musicianship, fun and involving performances and catchy music to make even the most un-dancey of people dance – Connan and the Mockasins are an excellent band to experience.

This ALH gig was in my opinion a great event as it usually proves to be – I certainly had a good time. The night was only marred by the fact that I was still feeling strange from a recent stint in hospital, my car’s back window got smashed in and my driver-side door lock screwdrivered. I blame it on being parked on a dark and empty Nisbet St.

Party Review Reviewed by Skot

When did raspberries become blue?

I got out of my lecture at 12.00pm on Monday morning to receive a text message inviting me to a party that was going to piss on the party I attended last week. I was assured there would be lots of drinking and no Xbox - that was enough to get me there! Trying to get Jon Black with me was another story - apparently he doesn’t do parties on a Monday night so I got my flatmates to come with me instead.

As I arrived to the party fashionably late there was someone coma’d on the front lawn and I was thinking to myself ‘at last, these people know how to drink!’ I entered the party to find the birthday boy had also coma’d. As I was beginning to meet the party goers, one of them approached asking me if I’d seen a piece of tin foil and frantically continued to search the rest of the house. For some reason later on he seemed to be quite calm sitting by himself in the corner (I guess he must have got tired looking for it).

Just as I was staring at the lampshade (bra hanger) I was told that there was going to be funnel races at the front of the house. As I made my way there I discovered that a man in undies was competing against man in boxers. It was a very close race but man in boxers won, apparently due to the excess amounts of foam in man in undies’ funnel.

Top Three Quotes of the night: Who invited the gangsters?

Why won’t anyone dance with me?

Knock knock - Who’s there?

Your good friend - Your good friend who?

Your good friend Josh and he’ll always be there for you!

Party Rating:

8/10

Having a kickass shindig?

Txt me anytime (after 7am) 0274 279319 and Jon Black and myself will come along and review your party.

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

Come up to the Nexus office in the SUB building and grab your FREE year wallplanner and student diary! These are available while stocks last. Being organised never looked so good!

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Issue 4 路 20 March 2006

Issue 4 路 20 March 2006

Contents Eco Features

Photos

Nexus talks to Nandor Tanczos about sustainability: 17

Regulars

Burning Fat for Fuel: 16 Where Did My Environment Go? Making It Easy Being Green Kermit imparts some advice: 18

Drunken Sluts and Deformed Penises! L&P on recycling: 20 End of the Golden Weather?

Mike predicts the future: 21

Articles A Low Hum Tour – gig review: 03 The Women’s Lifestyle Expo – His and Her Reviews: 27 Discovering Raglan: 40

Busted: 44 Altitude Bikini Comp: 46-47

Party Review: 03 Editorial: 07 News: 08-13 Lettuce: 14 Opinion: 15 WSU columns: 28 Gig Guide: 24-25 Notices: 26 The Spinster’s Cat: 33 Confessions Of A List Maker: 34 Word Freak: 34 Split Decision: 35 Killing Time on Campus: 35

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

U ‘N I: 36 The Booze Train To Drunkville: 36 Classic Rock Review: 37 Boganology 101: 37 From Rags to More Rags: 37 Uncle Jim’s Kiddies Page: 38 Comics: 39 Food: 41 CD Reviews: 42 DVDs: 43 Busted: 44 Films: 45 Rialto Check: 45

Credits

(+ scores from http://www.myfootprint.org/)

Editor

Dawn (1.5 planets) Tuffery nexus@waikato.ac.nz

Designer

Matt (2.8 planets) Scheurich graphics@nexus.npl.co.nz

Advertising Manager

Tony (7.9 planets) Arkell admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz 0211766180

Interim News Editor

Joshua (1.9 planets) Drummond news@nexus-npl.co.nz

Contributors

Nick Maarhuis Mike L&P Pheobe Meryll Scott Whitaker Hannah Yen Holly Walker Darryn Smith Kerra McEwen Boulanger Skot Matt Brie Jesson Carl Watkins Kat Cox Sam Brown Miss Muppet WSU Danielle Thomson Sophie Porter Burton C. CJ Gary Oliver Matthew Wills Uncle Jim Vitamin C & Special K Medium Salsa Hazazel Kazuma Namioka Leigh McGeady Joe Citizen Josh Drummond Nexus – A long and happy hippy history

Editorial Writing proper editorials uses valuable energy resources How to write a letter to Nexus (Tick answer boxes) Dear Nexus, I hear this issue is about eco type stuff so I thought I’d share my exceedingly important thoughts.

Regarding the environment, I am…

Very concerned about the environment Kinda ambivalent. I bet I’ll die before it does Is that the green bit behind the cars on Xbox?

Whales are cute

I recycle...

rarely Sometimes Always, and I make sure it’s only paper, glass and plastic types 1 and 2 rather than everything that won’t fit in the bin I’m so keen on recycling I drink my own urine

In terms of sustainability, I think NZ is…

Doomed Far enough away from everywhere that nothing really matters Doing ok Fine and dandy like sugar candy

I hear agriculture is having a major impact on the environment. We should…

Ban cows. Stupid cows.

Ban sheep. Stupid sheep.

Ban farmers. Stupid farmers.

Get in on the act and make lots of money before they ban farmers

The last locally produced item I bought was…

Chips from Mei Wah My degree My entire outfit is made of Hamilton-grown flax fibres.

Does picking up Nexus count?

I get around…

In my gas-guzzling deathmobile Mummy gave me On my bike On my sexy muscular legs La la la, I get around

In conclusion, I think everybody should…

Pay more attention to the environment Pay more attention to me Give more money to environmental organisations Give more money to me

Love from The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus Publications 2003 Ltd, any of our advertisers, WSU or APN. Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

Designer’s Word

Shiggedy shua says Matt

.

Hey, there’s now a Street Fighter Hyper Fighting machine in that student space in the SUB building. Cooool. Meanwhile, I’ve been playing heaps of Links 2004 on Xbox - I’m addicted to virtual golf.

Do you ever ask an 8 ball a question and get the answer you don’t want, then ask it if it was joking and/or lying? 8 balls are very nasty to me.

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

NZ Hopes For Wealth Of Medals Joshua Drummond New Zealand is sending a record 275 athletes to this year’s Commonwealth Games in Melbourne in the hope of netting a high medal tally.

Flag-carrying duties fell to Olympic goldwinning triathlete Hamish Carter, who is yet to win a medal at the Commonwealth games.

Other Kiwi luminaries making a Games appearance include Cambridge cyclist Sarah Ulmer, who has seen gold-winning success at past Olympic and Commonwealth Games, and shot put champion Valerie Vili.

The Queen’s Baton ended its 180,000km journey across 71 Commonwealth nations at the spectacular Games Opening Ceremony. A street parade awaited its arrival in Melbourne where it travelled through the Athlete’s Village, a tram and also visited the Elephant Enclosure

Games walker Craig Barrett kicks the editor’s butt at a clubnight, despite the fact that she’s, er, running...

at Melbourne Zoo. The Game’s opening extravaganza focused on a boy with a duck, while incorporating elements of Aboriginal mythology and culture. It started outside the stadium and involved fire-spurting flying ballet dancers and the arrival of a winged tram by cable.

This year’s Games are the most expensive to date, with costs totalling AUD$1 billion approximately. Critics have been lambasting the games as an imperial anachronism and a waste of taxpayer money. Supporters of the Games have attempted to counter these arguments by saying that the Commonwealth Games offer a “refreshing alternative” to the hyper-professional and commercially saturated Olympic games, and give amateur athletes a sporting chance at podium glory.

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

The Games have lost some of its brightest Olympic stars in recent weeks, with the withdrawal of multi-medalling Australian swimmer Ian Thorpe and women’s marathon world champion Paula Radcliffe. However, the event’s profile should receive a boost from the presence of such luminaries as the fastest man ever, Jamaican Asafa Powell.

Stuart Farquar (javelin) and Craig Barrett (50k walk) are two Hamiltonians who will be in action this week, on Thursday 23rd and Friday 24th respectively. Both are from local athletics club Hamilton City Hawks.

Youth Awards Open To Uni Students

News

Kerra McEwen With a slight facelift from last year, the second annual Recognyz Youth Awards –being held on April 29 - have been planned to target a wider range of young people, including university students.

The decision to switch the maximum age from 19 years old in 2005 to 24 years old this year came after much deliberation on the Hamilton Youth Council’s behalf, but will now fall in line with the Ministry of Health’s definition of ‘youth.’

The awards, initiated by the council, will focus on recognising, promoting and celebrating the contribution that young people make in the community. Organizers of the event are hoping the new extended age bracket is another way to draw attention to youth involvement on a greater scale.

“I think as university students we are what the general population considers ‘youth’…we will be driving our nation in the very near future,” said council member Ngawai Smith, who is also a PR and Marketing Executive at the Uni. “The awards are just one way of saying thanks

to a group of people who are often forgotten about, labelled, or negatively stereotyped. It’s one way of empowering those people to keep up the good work,” Smith added.

The Youth Council first realized the need for youth acknowledgement in the city after identifying the little recognition of the positive contributions young people make in the community, especially in the media.

“That’s when the Recognyz Youth Awards came about and the Youth Council, along with support from other youth service providers in the community, got together,” Smith said.

A new spin has been added in correspondence with year two of the awards with an additional category, focusing outstanding achievements in music, culture or arts. The Beatstreet Award has been introduced this year, and is the only category that concentrates on both affiliations with the community and personal ability.

Mahuru Robinson, main organizer of the event, feels the new category is a small step in facilitating the continuation of the awards for many years to come.

“We (have) got The Edge to sponsor the Beatstreet category which is great because the more sponsorships we secure, the bigger the event can get. Then hopefully we can find a permanent venue for sustainability factors,” Robinson said.

“What we’re trying to do here is make this an iconic event for young people in Hamilton,” he added.

Other categories include Focus on Whanau, for youth supporting their family in challenging circumstances; Manaakitanga, for community involvement and volunteering; and Kia Kaha, for strength and commitment taken to triumph through adversity.

There are seven categories in all. The formal award ceremony will be held on Saturday 29 April at the Wel Energy Trust academy of Performing Arts Centre at the Uni. Criteria and nomination forms can be accessed online at: www.hamilton.co.nz. Nominations close on 31 March. For more information contact Community Support, Hamilton City Council at 838-6699.

You’re Going Down: Student numbers drop by 7% Josh Drummond To look at the crowds milling about the banks at Waikato University, it would not be immediately obvious that enrolments at Waikato University are down in 2006 – by 7%.

This marks the continuation of a falling roll trend that has appeared over the last few years across the country’s tertiary institutions.

10 247 students in total have enrolled at the University, as of 13 March 2006. This is 7% less than at the same time last year, and is in line with low enrolments in 2004 and 2005.

Enrolments for international and mature students have also fallen. International student numbers have taken a particular hit, with 15% less international EFTS (Equivalent full time students) than last year, which is also in tune with national trends.

However, this particular trend carries the potential to hit the University in the pocket, as international student fees are significantly higher than domestic students.

Waikato Student’s Union Vice-president Carl Gordon said that an academic buildup in China was partially responsible for the falling numbers, and was a trend universities could

expect to continue.

The trend, which is affecting universities across the country, is being blamed on several factors, including a strong economy and job market. Others, such as the New Zealand University Students’ Organisation, point the finger at more worrying causes, such as the “brain drain” and high student debt.

“Other universities are suffering from the same problem,” said WSU President Sehai Orgad. “It’s a combination of high employment and high debt levels, and people are quitting their degrees to pay off their student debt.”

Waikato’s own drop in enrolments comes at a time when the Academic Programmes Committee is considering significantly dropping the number of qualifications Waikato offers – from 165 to a possible 53, plus conjoint degrees.

The plan, “Reconsideration of The University of Waikato’s Qualifications” has been drafted

by Michelle Jordan-Tong and Doug Sutton the Secretary of the Academic Board and the Deputy Vice-Chancellor respectively.

It advocates optimising funding, and assuring Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

the quality of qualifications, thorough reducing the number of degrees Waikato offers. This is in tune with the University’s newly adopted Vision, promoted by University Vice-chancellor Roy Crawford.

Professor Crawford downplayed the fall in numbers, saying “on a national basis, the trend in recent years has been for fewer students to take up tertiary education, meaning there are fewer students to recruit.”

He added that “the high uptake of Tearaway Waikato University Scholarships meant the university attracted particularly academicallyexcellent school students.”

The Tearaway scholarships for high NCEA scoring high school graduates attracted some 440 students this year.

WSU President Sehai Orgad said that the university was making some of the changes needed to reverse the trend, but more needed to be done.

“Changes need to happen, and the university needs to rethink its marketing and strategic planning,” she said.

News

Radio Ga Ga? Holly McKay Community Radio Hamilton is looking for new youth broadcasters. The station is one of eleven “Access” radio stations in New Zealand which are funded by NZ on Air and provide “radio by the people for the people,” with over 150 volunteers. Presently the station is looking for more youths to broadcast shows that are interesting, relevant and informative.

“Hamilton Community Radio [106.7FM] is not a profit based facility; it is purely for all individuals and groups in the Waikato community,” said the General Manager of Community Radio Hamilton, Phil Grey Two open nights are being held for youths that are interested in volunteering for the station, March 21 and 23, at their central Hamilton studios.

“We’re looking for good concepts from young people to give a different angle to the station,” said Mr Grey. “It offers exciting opportunities for anybody who’s got the passion and commitment to become an Access broadcaster, especially for young people who might be looking to get a

Remember that episode of The Simpsons where Homer’s car has been illegally parked at the World Trade Center and he goes through a gruelling ordeal to get it back? After receiving hundreds of tickets, he misses the parking officer and ends up jackhammering the clamp off his wheel in desperation.

This might be an extreme example of parking hassles, but most of us could understand why Homer developed that twitchy eye...

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start on a career in the media.”

The station plays a wide variation of music and shows but specialises in jazz, blues, country, rock, gospel, electronica, reggae, and world music. “Access radio is by, for and about people like you or me, and represents voices that are not often heard from in mainstream media,” said Mr Grey.

Mr Grey has been working at the station for just over two and a half years; he thoroughly enjoys his work, and said he has had a very positive response from many young people wanting to get their foot in the door.

Being part of an Access radio station, he says they “focus on the diverse communities living in the Waikato, including New Zealand’s minorities - such as ethnic, community, political, and religious interests.”

broadcasters and is interested in hearing ideas for new shows.

For more information call Community Radio Hamilton on 07 834 2170 or visit their website.

Community Radio Hamilton provides training for new members, which will include three two-hour sessions that cover the equipment, facilities and broadcast guidelines.

The station provides ongoing support for all

So if you’re looking for a stress-free way to get around Hamilton – okay the Tron isn’t quite as bad as New York, but the traffic can still drive you crazy – check out the city’s bus services. You can see all the routes on www.busit. co.nz. Otherwise, just ask your driver for help or call 0800 4 BUSLINE (0800 428 7546).

A one-way bus trip into town costs $2 cash or $1.40 with a BUSIT! card (which you can buy from your driver).

The Unitech bus, which travels from the university to Wintec, is even cheaper – only $1 each way with your student ID.

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

There are also buses to help you get to and from town after dark. The University/ Hillcrest Night Rider service operates on Friday and Saturday nights, leaving at regular intervals from outside Iguana restaurant on Victoria St. And don’t forget the Stadium Shuttle, which will be operating for all the Chiefs’ home games in Hamilton this season.

The shuttle runs every 10 minutes from the transport centre, travelling up Victoria Street for an hour before the game and is free for anyone who can present a valid same-day bus ticket to town. Otherwise, it costs $2 cash or $1.40 with a BUSIT! card.

News

Short shorts Michael Cullen compares tertiary education to Sudoku

Slobodan Snuffs It

Online Dating Proves Last Resort, surprising no-one

Michael Cullen, addressing the Multilateral Tertiary Education Forum, has compared New Zealand’s tertiary jumble to a Sudoku puzzle. Or something.

(A short note; the speech in question was hopelessly, excruciatingly boring, and the sudoku bit was the only evidence we could find that the speech was written by a human, and not by a computer. So we threw it in, in the hope you’d find it interesting. Sorry, it’s just that speeches by Michael Cullen have all the appeal of lukewarm cucumber juice – News Ed.) “All of this is rather like a Sudoku puzzle, in that the solutions proposed in one area affect the options available in others. Solving either the verticals or the horizontals is easy; but the trick is to solve both simultaneously”.

– Michael Cullen.

Rock on, Michael. Rock on, you crazy Sudoku-playing, school-closing Finance Minister you.

Notorious Yugoslavian dictator Slobodan Milosevic died last Sunday amid a web of intrigue and conspiracy theories as to the nature of his passing.

The UN war crimes tribunal claims Milosevic died of heart failure, but doubt over the true nature of his death remains rampant. Milosevic himself wrote letters to Moscow claiming he was being poisoned before his death. A Dutch expert has added to the controversy by claiming that Milosevic knowingly took incorrect medication in order to strengthen his case to return to Russia, where his family resides.

Milosevic, who was branded the “Butcher of the Balkans” by western media, faced trial by the UN war crimes tribunal on some “66 counts of genocide, crimes against humanity and war crimes involving conflicts in Bosnia, Croatia and Kosovo in the 1990s,” according to the New Zealand Herald.

He faced a possible life sentence if convicted.

Older couples in the United States have been experimenting with on-line dating, after seeing the success of younger generations who are finding cyber-mates in ever-increasing numbers.

Dating site match.com, says people aged 45-59 are its fastest growing user segment, with over-40’s making up approximately 22% of their total users.

One older user, Claudia Polley, told Associated Press that she knows exactly what she’s after. And it might seem strange to the “txt generation.”

“The beauty of online dating, says the 56-year-old museum consultant from Washington, D.C, is that you can tell right away if someone can write well — a key test for her. “If they can’t spell, and they start out with ‘Hiya!’ — well, I wish them a wonderful life, but not with me.”

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

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News

NZUSA Challenges “Unfair” Allowance Rule Chris Leggett The New Zealand University Students’ Association (NZUSA) appeared before the Regulations Review Select Committee on Wednesday, March 15 arguing that changes last year to student allowance regulations have breached parliamentary standing orders and human rights.

The changes in question invoked the Bill of Rights on the grounds of “discrimination” to remove key criteria for eligibility to the Independent Circumstances Allowance (ICA) for working and married students. But NZUSA co-president Joey Randall argues that the alternative – means-testing students based on their parents’ income until the age of 25 – is just as discriminatory. “It’s hypocritical to justify getting rid of one form of discrimination while entrenching another. Right now the student allowance scheme says that all students are dependent on their parents until they turn 25.

We know this is not the case as our research shows that only 28 per cent of students receive any financial support from their parents.”

A spokesperson for Minister of Education Michael Cullen says that many countries are

supporting the idea that parents should accept some degree of responsibility for their children’s’ tertiary education.

“The government in most developed countries, including New Zealand, Australia, the United States, and the UK consider that parents have some obligation to support their children in tertiary education into their early to mid 20s.”

According to the spokesperson, the age is set at 25 due to a funding issue. “Given the constraints on government funding, the targeting of student allowances is set at the age of 25. Lowering the age for parental income testing or abolishing it altogether would be costly, and draw resources away from other priority areas for the government, such as the interest-free student loan policy which comes into effect on April 1 this year.” The spokesperson says the operational cost of the interest-free policy is estimated at around $218m in the first full year of operation, rising to as high as $269m by the end of the decade.

The meeting was adjourned in order to investigate human rights claim made by

the NZUSA, which Mr Randall says is a “complicating factor”. “[The Committee] may decide to wait for the decision of the Human Rights Tribunal or they may decide that they have greater jurisdiction over the case. Mr Randall believes the Ministry of Education would prefer the matter is resolved through the Human Rights Commission “because [it] has significantly less teeth than the Review Committee. In terms of what they can do and what they can change, they’d prefer it to go through those means.”

Despite the fact the meeting was adjourned, the NZUSA is pleased with the progress says Randall. “What we were looking for is just basically [getting] them to in some way agree with us that the current situation is discriminatory. The fact is that it’s an arbitrary figure, it discriminates against a certain group of students for no good reason, and we wanted the Minister to front up with reasons. We think we’ve adequately started the discussion.”

Student Allowance Payments To Increase Chris Leggett Student allowance recipients can expect a slight increase to their weekly income effective April 1 after an announcement by Social Development and Employment Minister David Benson-Pope.

The increase is due to an annual routine procedure that Mr BensonPope says “reflects the Consumers Price Index (CPI) in the last financial year”. The increase of 3.16 per cent equates to the increase in the cost of living for 2004, and affects benefits, allowances and Community Services Card thresholds.

Some examples of student allowance rates following the April 1 increase are as follows, with net rates after tax at ‘M’ code: Single student without dependent children: Category

Net 18 – 24 years at home Up $3.55 to $115.93 18 – 24 years away from home Up $4.44 to $144.92 Independent circumstances Up $4.44 to $144.92 25+ years away from home Up $5.33 to $173.92 Nb: All other allowance streams will be increased at the same rate of 3.16 per cent

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Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

Estella Hung comments on recent news reports “God lost ‘em in the fog”

Pour Les Hommes is flying off the shelves

I am not at all surprised to hear that in a nation that voted for evangelist “dubya” Bush twice, has a sizeable number of advocates behind teaching “intelligent design theory” alongside Darwin, have religious cults of which membership consists in unquestioning sexual favouring, has a stripper for a mayor in at least one of its towns etcera etcera also contains this particular subgroup of whack: people who believe that God (the Christian one) sent American soldiers to die in warfare as punishment for the world’s growing acceptance of homosexuality.

What these groups – one calling itself “Baptist” – do is stand in protest at as many undocumented military funerals as they can rush to (so far 100). And the unlikely heros in this spectacle are bands of motorcyclists, including the infamous Hell’s Angels.

Where homophobic protesters have been expected to disrupt a military service, the volunteer army of bikers have been cordially received. By revving their engines to drown out verbal obscenities or surrounding the families with stars and stripes to shield them from offensive placards – such as “Thank God for dead troops” and “God loves roadside bombs” – these bikers have touched the hearts of many Americans, with tears.

I’ve always thought it better off being female than male simply because we have so much more choice when it comes to the way we want to look. Thanks to the sexual “liberation” of the sixties and seventies, we can push androgyny to new frontiers without too much flack if we so care. Culture, after all, is in our heads and we change our minds all the time.

So, for better or worse, the iron bars around the male image are slowly bending out of shape. We’ve all seen it: clean-cut straight men of various shapes and calibres unabashedly donning outfits in salmons and pastels while smouldering themselves in a cloud of sweet smoke pour les hommes.

Interestingly that’s not where the buck stops. Looking closer, metrosexuals in East Asia and the most blokish of countries, the UK, are splurging like the best of glam rockers…on cosmetics. Yes, a whopping $2.36 billion is being spent annually on fake tan, concealer and foundation, eyeliner, moisturisers, “eyebrow grooming gels”, lip balm etcetera in the UK alone.

High fashion/cosmetic brands like Jean Paul Gaultier, Clinique and Clarins are rubbing their bellies in this new appetite for slick which has grown some 800% since 1999! And males, according to Gillette, on average find themselves in front of the mirror 24 minutes per day.

All this is rather encouraging from a non-corporate point of view. For one, some of us chicks can finally stop complaining that guys don’t put enough effort into making themselves look presentable. And for guys, that’s one less complaint!

Secondly, I know I would get annoyed if my guy mates started rummaging through my makeup stash.

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

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Letters policy Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters pages — serious or otherwise. Letters should be no more than 250 words and received by 5pm on the Tuesday before publication. All letters will generally be printed so give it a bash, but the editor retains the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Bad spelling and grammar will not be corrected — proof it yourself or you’ll look dumb. Pseudonyms are acceptable but all letters must include your real name and contact details even if you don’t want them printed. We discourage the use of pseudonyms for serious letters.

We want to hear from you! We want to hear your opinion, your views, may be to nexus@waikato.ac.nz. If you want to send it via snail mail then your thoughts, bitching, moaning, groaning, all that stuff. In order for us address your letters to Nexus, Private Bag 3059, Hamilton. You can also to hear this, you’ll need to send it to us! Send all letters, whatever ilk they just drop them in the Nexus box at the WSU reception.

Welcome to my world I have been part of WSU exec from Jan 2005 and I am still here working for my community and all students at Waikato as the GLBT Officer.

I have learnt more at the WSU than in my previous papers and I enjoy it so much that I changed my degree to Political Science this year. I love the sense of community and the satisfaction I gain from knowing I am really helping people.

This year we are fortunate to have strong dedicated leadership in the form of our president Sehai, who is constantly working for students. Her supportive presence has made the work for my portfolio easier, and she is always there when I need her, as she is for all students.

irrelevant to your decision making process.

I hope to see all our membership united in the desire to move forward and enjoy the benefits of belonging to the Waikato Student Union. By the way, how was Oweek for you? I loooooved The Exponents!

Go the Revolution!

Megan Moffet (GLBT Officer)

“FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS”

I thought I had witnessed everything when it came to the running of WSU affairs, however, all that seemed to fade when attending OSM 1 08/03/06. It seems that WSU can come to OSM and ask to spend money, and at the same time irresponsibly spend student monies and not It distresses me to see individuals with know about it. The question from the floor of questionable membership status attempting to the meeting was – how can WSU ask students interfere with the running of our student union, to spend money when the budget for 2006 has when they likely have no stake in the outcome. already been blown. For those students who It’s kind of like a guy who lives two blocks away were not at the OSM a term deposit structured to trying to tell you what sort of fence you should earn WSU (us) income was broken to facilitate build on your property. They are completely debt. Now correct me if I am wrong, but should not contingencies in the budget have been part of the 2006 budget. The amount in question was a surplus that was a result of two WSU GuyZ · 856a Victoria St Hamilton · Ph 839 5222 executives work on behalf of all student Tues – Sun 4pm till late (4men 2men stuff) members. I am aware Check our web site for upcoming events: that income is not due until the end of www.guyz.co.nz March 06 – however the breaking of this 20% Student Discount with this Ad and ID term deposit is huge

MALE BATH HOUSE S A U N A · S T E A M · S PA

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Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

in my eyes – one, because we students loose the income off this deposit, two, there is a financial cost for breaking of agreements such as these which we again loose. Is this not incompetence?

– What also irks me is that the President did not know anything about this – as President should you not know?

Perhaps the biggest problem from OSM 1 is the fact that neither the Vice President nor the President of WSU seem to agree or are able to work together. Their problems were on show in front of all students where the VP would say something and then the President would comment straight over the top – “SOMETHING IS NOT WELL IN PARADISE FOLKS”. I suppose the highlight for me is when a crucial motion was put to the floor of the OSM which received an emphatic yes vote by the body – to find that the one dissenting vote was that of the President.

Advocacy – students are crying out for advocacy, this is not being addressed adequately as per the directive from the 2005 WSU Executive. Motions were moved that essentially said that this position be developed for immediate inclusion on staff. The position has been budgeted for a number of years and yet it is still not done.

Kahu Nikora

This Goes Out To All The Haters This especially goes out to those people who want to “rock my world” through email threats and harassing late night text messages – you know who you are.

This also goes out to those Negative Nancies

Lettuce stuck in their ways who can’t get over their own agendas or themselves.

Come on you people, we are over the old boys network and irrelevant individuals trying to run us down. WSU is moving on. Didn’t you hear about the revolution?

As President I will do my utmost to protect the interests of all students enrolled at this university. However, my role dictates that I must give significance to members of the WSU. At the open student meeting (OSM) it is all too clear to me that that there were a number of people whose student status was questionable.

Furthermore, my personal choice to stand up and advocate my personal vote, whether for or against any motion, is exactly that - a personal choice as an independent, fully paying student member of the Waikato Students Union.

WSU has a history of negativity and infighting. All my efforts are concentrated on positive messages and positive actions for the benefit of all students. It’s easy to run people down. But it takes a lot more effort to be supportive and make a positive contribution to encourage social change for the good of society overall. Let’s face it, positive change is good.

Rumours and negativity destroy, it’s historically proven.

Let us, as WSU make a change for the better, and look for the positive outcomes that we can achieve together.

Let’s stop the bullshit, the badmouthing and the finger pointing. Criticism is only useful when it is constructive.

Sehai Orgad

Uni Stinks Has anyone notices that the Banks area really stinks sometimes? Like quite gross. I dont know if its sewage, the lakes or the sweat of stressed students/lecturers but its really offputting and makes me not want to hang out and drink my coffee. Maybe the good ols WSU could sort it out for us.

By the way, JS Campoin I thought your stereotypes article thingwas funny and only someone with no sense of humour would be bothered about it, it was obviously joking.

Sam

Opinion The Last Acceptable Stereotype (Apparently)

By Chuck B I’ve been called a lot of things in my lifetime – ‘dickhead’, ‘guy sweating in the corner’, and sometimes: ‘oh my god put your pants back on’, but the line must be drawn at being stereotyped. Everywhere I go I am labelled as a Pakeha, a white boy, no rhythm, can not dance if his life depended on it, a heterosexual, no fashion sense whatsoever and ‘sure as hell could not care about any minority group but his own’.

Yes, I am a member of the white heterosexual male ‘group’ who apparently are both the creators of all stereotypes and immune to all stereotypes. Hmmm, interesting, as this idea maybe, I still feel that I am being bracketed in this group and everyone outside it expects me to drink beer, love sports and generally act the same as all other members. Why is this so acceptable? If I was to use a word to describe a certain group of people that offended them I would be labelled a general bad person. But when people different to me group me and call me things like Pakeha, white boy and straight that I find offensive no one could care less.

As Waikato Universities GLBT Officer Megan Moffet pointed out in last week’s Nexus article ‘How to dress like a dyke or a fairy on a student’s budget’, ‘straight folks’ like myself are not allowed to use the terms dyke and fairy where as those people they describe are allowed to. This is, I presume from her words ‘used affectionately by me towards my own community’ because in the hands of a heterosexual person they would be used with malice. I have never shown any dislike to people of a homosexual nature - they are just another person for all I care. I will relate to them on whether they are good or bad people, I couldn’t care less what they do. But once again I feel like I am being stereotyped. The way in which Megan uses the words ‘straight folks’ seems to have negative connotations with it. Do you think all ‘straight folk’ are bad, Megan? Why are you grouping us? You don’t like being grouped so why would you do the same to others?

The diversity of people in and around the University means that we are dealing with people different to ourselves everyday. Throughout my experiences at University I have made friends with many different people of different cultures, backgrounds and sexual persuasions. I have had complaints that I don’t pronounce Maori place names properly. I have worked hard to try my best in saying them in their correct pronunciation, but how many of you also tried to pronounce French words such as café and Champagne in the proper French manner? I am all for the respect of Maori culture but when asking for respect for your culture shouldn’t you also offer respect for others - European culture has played a large part in the formation of New Zealand today so shouldn’t we give it its fair share of respect?

There seems to be a lot of disrespect coming from all sides of the battle for the abolishment of stereotypes. But perhaps even the smallest, most hard-done-by group is guilty of stereotyping. A lot of white heterosexual males try their best to be accepting of everyone, and the least you can do is stop grouping us with those who don’t.

HEY! Send your 600-word rants to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

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Feature “...And this is where the hot-tub goes”

Burning fat for fuel Nick Maarhuis A NZ built powerboat called Earthrace has been made to run on a new fuel called Biodiesel. Biodiesel is made from vegetable oil and animal fats reacted with alcohol and a catalyst to get a bio-fuel.

Since people are animals too, the founder of the project thought it a good idea to add to the mix by getting some liposuction to top up the tank a bit. He’s quite a lean guy though, so they could only get 100g of fat out of him, which has been converted into enough Biodiesel to run the boat for about 100m. Luckily, some cuddlier people did the same, and enough fat was attained to make six litres of Biodiesel. This has been added to Earthrace’s 10,000 litre fuel tank.

How many people’s fat would it take to power the boat round the world?

Pete Bethune is the man behind the madness for this project. About as far from a pot smoking hippy as you can get, Pete has an MBA from MGSM Sydney, and a Bachelor of Engineering (mechanical) from Auckland University, as well as having worked as an Oil Exploration Engineer in New Zealand, the North Sea and North Africa. If anyone knows that we should be looking for oil alternatives, it’s this guy. After seeing the boat, you may wonder what he smokes though, because the wave-piercing trimaran looks like something out of a Star Trek movie. It is designed to submarine through large waves, when it’s out in the middle of nowhere, racing the 24,000 nautical miles around the world. Pete is dedicated to his cause - just as a hippy may sell his marijuana plantation to buy a kombi van to travel around spreading the love, Pete mortgaged his house to help fund the Earthrace boat to travel the globe spreading the word on Biodiesel. Selling everything else he owns and

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some serious fundraising has launched this three million dollar powerboat.

Earthrace is made mainly from carbon and Kevlar composites, but also has some Waikato University developed, hemp fibre composites (processed fibres from the trunk of hemp trees, in a polymer matrix) in the cabin floor. Pete was keen to use sustainable materials not only for the fuel, but in the construction as well. Hemp fibre composites are a renewable resource, and can be made to give high strength and toughness. Carbon fibre is stronger and stiffer, but is made from petrochemical sources, which are a non-renewable source. For this reason, much research is being done by the Materials and Process Engineering department at this university to optimise these new hemp fibre composite materials. Hemp fibres have been used for thousands of years to make everything from ropes to sails, to clothes and paper.

The cabin got the Pimp My Ride treatment, with a racing bucket seat and steering wheel. It is no wonder the cabin is boyracer-ised when you find out that Earthrace’s two engines put out 1100hp. This will be one quick boat. So quick in fact, that they plan to smash the world record for circumnavigating the globe, intending to do it in 64 days. This will be ten days quicker than the current world record.

Biodiesel, your life depends on it For those of you who haven’t had the ‘pleasure’ of being taught by Ed Vos, here’s the low-down on the world; oil will be used up in thirty years, then war, poverty and famine will erupt worldwide. The good news, however, is that we have options. We could starve and Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

die, or leave cities to form self-sufficient tribal communities, or adapt ‘green’ technologies and oil alternatives such as Biodiesel. Personally I’m particularly fond of (petrol hungry) fast cars, cheap international travel (also fuel hungry), and affordable ‘made in China’ products (plastics and synthetic fibres are made from oil). Therefore, the longer we can make our dwindling oil supplies last, the better. Not starving to death will be quite nice too.

The attributes of biodiesel make it a compelling replacement for fossil fuels: •

•

• •

•

•

• •

•

•

Reduction of net carbon dioxide emissions by 60-100% (can be greenhouse gas neutral).

Reduction of net sulphur dioxide emissions by 100% (biodiesel has great lubrication properties, unlike normal diesel which uses sulphur to help lubrication.

Reduction of soot emissions by 50-60%.

Reduction of carbon monoxide by 1050%.

Reduction of hydrocarbon emissions by 10-50%.

Reduction of carcinogenic polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons (PAHs) by 5090%.

Non-toxic (similar toxicity to table salt).

It degrades rapidly if spilt into oceans or waterways (95% degradation after 28 days).

Higher flashpoint, making it a safer fuel to handle.

Biodiesel can be a direct replacement for diesel in most modern diesel powered machinery and trucks, buses, generators, and other similar applications.

Feature

Where Did My

Environment

Go?

By Pheobe Meryll

Nexus talks to Nandor Tanczos about sustainability – the current challenges, whether it’s realistic and how you can contribute.

Don’t you hate it when you’re driving to work and petrol costs $6.67 a litre? Consequently you can only afford a tasteless GE milk drink for breakfast ($23). You’re fired from your job because they’ve found they can make the product cheaper in Taiwan. So you head out for a day at the beach, but it’s a bit lame – the air is smoggy, the sea is too polluted to swim in and the sand’s been mined and replaced with expensive apartments and a 10m x 10m square of Astro-sand.

Ok, so that hasn’t actually happened yet. But how do we guard against such outcomes and keep New Zealand as clean and green as it’s supposed to be? At present, it seems that our rate of consumption is way above what’s viable. A recent attempt at the Ecological footprint quiz (http://www.myfootprint.org/) finished up with the cheerful reminder that ‘if everyone lived like you, we would need 1.5 planets’. This means I’m regularly gobbling and polluting my way through about 2.7 hectares - down on the national average of 8.7, but over the 1.8 biologically productive global hectares that actually exist per person. Oops. But 8.7?

Essentially, this means the average New Zealander is consuming almost 5 times what they should be, in terms of energy, food and processed products. Even if you allow for an over-simplified equation, the quiz provides some food for thought that may stick in your throat.

Depending on where you look for environmental information, you can find anything from predictions of impending apocalyptic doom to ostrich-like denials that there’s any problem. In an effort to get a clear outline of where we’re at, Nexus talked to someone who should be fairly knowledgeable about such issues – MP Nandor Tanczos. Tanczos is the Green Party spokesperson for Environment, Waste and Sustainable Land Management, among other things.

We cannae take any more, Cap’n!

‘Sustainable’ is a key word when discussing environmental and economic issues. Huge increases in any form are ultimately only positive if they can be maintained socially and environmentally. What are the Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

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Feature

main sustainability issues facing the country right now, according to Tanczos?

growth agenda impacts very severely on our environment.

‘In my view, the biggest sustainability issue is that New Zealand is wedded to an agenda of economic growth, which by its very nature is destroying our environment. And I say that because the reality is we live on a finite planet and we have finite resources. We’re working in an economic system where the health of the system is determined by how much growth there is. All of the other parties, except possibly the Maori Party, are wedded to the idea that we need economic growth. This means that the dollar is always paramount over social or environmental well-being, and we just go on doing that.’

But what can I do?

The message from the Green Party focuses on the need to amend the economic system.

‘We need to look towards how we can create a steady-state economy which is about creating permanent, genuine economic sustainability – the ability to sustain that in the future.’

Apparently our biggest environmental impact at the moment is in agriculture. ‘You see the same thing – the move to growth is driving us towards greater intensification of dairy farming and that’s having an enormous effect on our waterways, for example,’ says Tanczos. ‘Down in the South Island the issue of water rights is becoming extremely important – both about who gets the water, how it’s allocated, and then of course use in irrigation, along with intensive chemical farming which has a significant impact on waterways. So I think agriculture’s one way in which that

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What’s the way forward for concerned individuals who don’t own dairy farms? You guessed it – recycling. ‘One of the main things is waste – looking at the waste people generate in their day-to-day lives, and seeing how that can be reduced. That’s a big one.’

Tanczos praises the moves by a number of campuses to support recycling facilities, and urges students to make use of those.

Incidentally, Waikato’s bins are currently hidden behind the Banks. Check them out.

But the main thing is cutting down on our personal rubbish, and making sure we recycle or reuse the waste that is generated.

His next tip – look to your bike, and don’t buy an SUV. ‘One of the biggest challenges for us right now is peak oil. We are coming to the end of the oil that is easy to get to and cheap to extract, so looking at how we use fossil fuels is really important – which is also about reducing our carbon emissions, reducing our effect on climate change. It’s in the choices that you make – whether you get in your car to go to the dairy, or walk or go on your bike, whatever. When people go to buy their car, buy a smaller engine car that’s more efficient.

Those choices are really significant.’

Buying NZ – or Hamilton – made is another major plus.

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

‘Generally, buy local product when possible, and support the local economy, which is about reducing our dependence on fossil fuels as well as building strong communities, creating local jobs. Those are all the kinds of things we need to do to future proof New Zealand.

So, buy locally produced goods made within environmental standards – support with your dollars.’

Given the current depressing state is Tanczos at all optimistic about the future for New Zealand?

‘Not right at the moment. I think that the government that we have has no commitment to the environment, actually – they’re fully committed to dollars over everything else. So I don’t have a lot of faith right now.’

However, he believes the changes will come from a grassroots level. ‘I do have enormous faith and positivity towards ordinary people who understand that these issues are important and need to be dealt with. And I am convinced that we will see over the next few years a move, both with people in their personal behaviour, and how they elect governments and local councils – a move to the environmental pathway.

‘We need to build a strong vision for New Zealand – where we’re going, how we’re going to future-proof New Zealand, and how we’re going to build a sustainable economy. And I do have a lot of optimism that we can do that. But we’re not doing it right now, that’s for sure.’

Feature

Making It Easy Being Green Kermit’s Guide to Looking Out For The Environment

Most of this info is taken from leaflets available at the Environment Centre on Ward St, which is a very cool resource. There’s piles of info there, on everything from cycle routes to recycling to sustainable house building. I’d never actually been there before (well, it’s up some stairs) but highly recommend checking it out sometime. You can browse, buy a permaculture book on growing veges for $20 or chat to the friendly staff.

be too scared to run you over. No, you don’t have to wear lycra. But you probably should get a good lock.

11 simple tips for eco awareness:

Make half an effort to recycle properly. If you live in town, you have a green bin, so use it.

See the article on page 20 for more info on this.

According to a recent Council leaflet, if everyone used their green bins to their full potential then landfill waste would be reduced by two thirds.

Reduce rubbish when possible – a ‘no junk mail’ sign on the box, refilling containers at Bin Inn.

Free money! If you have a completely dud cellphone or cellphone battery of any make hanging around, don’t chuck it in the rubbish.

Send it to Vodafone for free and get $5 credit on any Vodafone mobile and $5 donated to the Zero Waste NZ Trust. Bonus. You can get the nifty freepost envelopes from the Environmental Centre and possibly Vodafone outlets

Compost - Still on the recycling topic.

Apparently 48% of our rubbish is kitchen and garden scraps. That can very easily become a nutrient rich compost heap. Just bash together a rough container with some gaps for aeration and you’re away. Another way to use those scraps is to have chickens but think twice before getting a rooster in suburbia.

Empty print cartridges can be refilled Generally for cheaper than the price of a new one. Refill Inc (http://www.refill.co.nz/) is reliable and quick, and there are heaps of local shops that will either do it for you or sell you a kit such as Cartridge World on Barton St.

Feed the worms – in a good way. Another way of making compost is to have a worm farm and that’s got to be more fun that having goldfish or whatever. The digestive system of the worm helps produce concentrated compost with about four times the plant nutrition of ordinary compost so any plants will love it.

Organise a container and a shredder, do some research and get some worms – try http://www. geocities.com/prydeworms/ for starters.

Ride a bike at least 3 times a week. You know the good reasons – save money on petrol and gym fees, zoom past the gridlocked traffic, keep the air clean. No, it doesn’t make you a hippy, and you won’t get unsightly bulging muscles.

Yes, the traffic can be dangerous sometimes but if you glower hard enough at the drivers they’ll

Shop with reusable bags.

plastic, paper, whatever, and don’t want to pay, make www.nothrow.co.nz your first port of call.

The site aims to hook up people getting rid of materials with people who want materials. So if you desperately need 30kg of Polypropelene sacks (woven) or some commercial carpet offcuts – git along there and sign up.

Joining the Hamilton Permaculture Trust may be a good move if you’re keen on gardening or any other aspect of sustainability. The Trust offers a range of services including advice and facilitation to help set up community gardens, and has various useful products available.

Check out their Sustainable Backyard Garden at the Hamilton Gardens for inspiration. And hell, it’s only $10 a year for students.

Buy locally. How far is your food and and clothing travelling? For produce, try the Farmers Market at Wintec every second Sunday.

Bug people about whether they’re wearing NZmade clothing and make them feel guilty.

In fact, bug people in general. Ask the DIY stores how their products are manufactured.

Ask local shops what they do with their waste.

Ask for organic milk in your latte (nutrient runoff from dairy farms is one of the reasons the Waikato river looks so scungy, and organic farming tends to be more sustainable). Ask Nexus if they use vegetable-based inks on chlorine-free paper. (Er…ahem…I can’t say, but we do chuck all the unused mags in the recycling bin. Promise.)

Building? Need stuff? If you need some wood,

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

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Feature

Drunken Sluts and Deformed Penises!

L&P Okay this is really about recycling, but keep reading, it’s better than your lecture. How much do students really care about the environment?

Asking around, I found that while most people express a superficial interest in the environment, there is a lot of nothing being done to back it up.

I may have heard a few cough covered “boring’s” as well, but I chose to pretend I didn’t hear that.

There’s so much information around but we tend to block our ears and shut our eyes when we hear people talk about the environment. A relatively painless way to make a bit of a positive contribution to the planet is through recycling.

A simple way to feel better than everyone else is to recycle through the green bin system. This seems to work well, but not everyone knows what the dealio is about what can go in there.

We’ve all experienced that feeling of ‘ugh’ when your green bin is left full and unattended as the recycling truck goes by. So I thought it might be handy to pass on a little info about the system.

Never again will you have to feel the shame of taking your green bin back inside, still loaded up with manky remains if you just follow this easy guide.

The Green Bins are provided by Recycling New Zealand. You can put in green, brown and clear glass things like unbroken bottles and jars.

These need to be rinsed out! It’s pretty gross for you to leave your scummy remains for others to handle. You should also remove lids, caps, corks etc. You can’t put things like light bulbs (blatant p-smoker), window glass (that you fell through), crystal (as if), drinking glasses (give them to poor students), mirrors, Pyrex or pottery. You will have to dispose of these some other way.

This does not mean sneaking around at 3 a.m. and leaving them on a random doorstep.

All your papery stuff like newspapers, old Nexus mags, junk mail, Outback pamphlets and most other paper and cardboard can also go in your green bin. The best way is to tie it up in plastic bags and put it next to the green bin.

Same goes for large cardboard. Unfortunately pizza boxes or other things that have been contaminated by food can’t be recycled (this is stoopid). At the end of the exam season, it can

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be mildly cathartic to put all heinous study material in your green bin and say goodbye.

You can also feel good because you’re….

RECYCLING! You can also recycle plastic. Again, please give them a rinse.

When recycling plastic Green bin pick-up days bottles; remove the cap and squash the bottle flat. ALWAYS CHECK located on Lincoln Street and is open Monday THE BASE of the container for these symbols; to Saturday: 7:30am to 4:30pm and; Sunday and for some reason, they only collect these public holidays: 12 noon to 5pm. They take all ones. your goodies except liquid waste. Mmmmm, liquid waste.There are charges relating to cars Other recyclable things are your tin and and trailers but you can give them a call on 0800 aluminum cans. Give these a rinse and if you 10 10 10, and sort that shit out yourself. want, squash them. This can be done in several If you have organic waste such as garden amusing ways, including the old head-butt cuttings and tree pruning you can roll deep method (not advisable with the tin ones). I down to The Hamilton Organic Centre, located have never managed to do this but always enjoy at the end of Wickham St, ( off Kahikatea Drive attempts.

West) Dinsdale. They are open Monday to Sunday 8am to 5pm. They will then attempt Food scraps do not go in your recycle bin to sell your waste back to you as fertilizer. (leaving them inside your paper Burger King Mwahaha. wrapper is not clever). You should not leave waxed or carbon paper, polystyrene, nappies If you have gotten to the end of this article(that’s sooooo nasty), glad wrap, cardboard well done. It is difficult to retain interest in any

It’s not advisable to leave syringes, needles or dead things - the recycle people won’t take it and your neighbors might tell the police on you. milk or juice cartons, and wallpaper or paper oozing with any substance. Anything oozing should be sent directly to Ghostbusters…..ok, that was lame. You can recycle aluminum cans, but not aluminum foil, plates, trays or paint cans. It’s also not advisable to leave syringes, needles or dead things - the recycle people won’t take it and your neighbors might tell the police on you.

If you have bigger things to get rid of, and they just won’t take them at Cash Converters or as part-payment for your student loan, you might have to take a fun family trip to the Refuse Transfer Station and Recycling Centre. This is Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

subject that benefits society. I don’t know why, it just is. I can’t even edit my own article because I keep switching off. Anyway, get out there and recycle, it’s not hard and it’s gotta be good for you.

If you would like more information on recycling in Hamilton, you can go to http:// hamilton.co.nz/page/pageid/2145824951/ Recycling If you would like more information on deformed penises you can look up Hypospadias on the Google search engine using the ‘images’ tool. Ditto ‘drunken sluts’. Beware.

End of the

Golden Weather The mighty Mike comes out of his corner and travels forward in time to check out whether we’re all doomed environmentally unaware morons…

I don’t know quite what it was - withdrawal symptoms from my Amytrip, my homeopathic remedy kicking in, or the cold snap, but this morning I woke up in a cold sweat and in my mind was aflame. Biblical verses in my head - the tower of Babel, Noah’s ark, Old Testament stuff, the fun stuff. What if the fall of Babel was an analogy - a warning? The flood of Noah, too, what if this was in fact talking about a much, much earlier time.

What if both had happened many aeons ago, and in fact were glorious civilizations completely wiped out, and only remembered in stories passed down by word of mouth for millennia? Hey, what if Noah’s ark was actually a spaceship, the crashed into earth? I guess it’s hard to marry with the fact that no one has ever dug up a tungsten alloy hyper drive, which would be pretty tough, and yet there are plenty of pieces of pottery and bones, which are not built to withstand great stress. However, even if it was just early civilizations, and these stories are the straight facts, is there not something we can learn? Is there not a message to be remembered?

Someone once told me that stories are more than mere ornaments, or things to wile away the evening hours, but ways of remembering facts. I managed to do well at school, not because I was “bright”, but because I would construct stories to remember and tie new pieces of information to something I already understood - for example, in chemistry, chemical bonds forming releases energy, and breaking bonds takes energy. To remember this, I made up a story that it’s like two people, when they get together and do the wild thing, energy is released, and if you try to pull them apart, it takes energy. So perhaps too these stories from the past are ways for us to remember important points, survival tips. I’m not trying to put the Bible in the same category as my smutty mnemonics though, because I don’t want outraged religious types outside my house, or God to give me cancer.

So what is this survival tip that we are being reminded of? Let’s break it down: 1. The tower of Babel - all men spoke the same language and tried to build a tower to the sky, to God. Analogies in modern times? Well, ESOL teaching has been going well, and now people are mucking around with genes, the very bedrock of creation, so biblically, we are ripe for a spanking.

Some of you may say “But what is wrong with teaching people English?

How can it be wrong if it lets me pay off my student loan and score heaps of Asian chicks?” Yes, this is a tricky one, and I haven’t figured it out yet.

The genetics one, however, is much more straightforward. There has been a precedent set and reinforced several times in history, that of the great technological fuck-up.

It all started with Romans and the metal lead....

(In a marble courtyard) Marcus: (Running up) Look at this great metal I just found - it’s so soft and bendy!

Brutus: (mucking about with metal) Hey, yeah...... You know, this stuff would be great to make water pipes out of!

Marcus: Holy shit, you’re right! We’re gonna be rich!

And continued with: Arsenic: “This does wonders for my constipation!”

Thalidomide: “Wow, this stuff really takes the edge off my anxiety so I can sleep, and with this baby due soon, I need all the rest I can get!”

Asbestos: “It is a great insulator, and it doesn’t burn! Let’s put it in the ceiling!”

And soon, perhaps, genetic engineering. Have you read ‘The Stand’, Stephen King’s book of horror? It’s all about a biological agent getting free, and decimating the world’s population. I hear genetic engineering is all about biological agents, using aggressive viruses to implant genes in the nuclei of cells. But who wants a bunch of aggressive viruses running around? It might be nice if certain plants had cells which produced pesticides, but not so great for me if my cells did. Scientists, If I’m wrong, please write in and plead for the case of GE, you bastard. (Note - as you can see, me writing “you bastard” is the ultimate coup de grace, because if someone does write in, they are admitting they are a bastard) However, I fear that there are other factors at work, bringing about the

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

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end of this time of history. This time, where we talk about growth rates as though they are 1. Good 2. Infinitely sustainable When is infinite growth good? We have such cells in our body that seek to grow infinitely, and ignore the barriers of other cells. They are called cancer.

Soon I head to Auckland, sprawling metropolis. But this city can only exist because of its life blood, which is, as I’m sure many of you know, is oil. Without oil, the masses would starve. There is very little food grown in a city.

Let’s now go into the realms of our imagination. You’re sitting there in the lecture,

by about 5 generations of humanity, the last being the most indulgent and sordid people to walk the earth since the fall of the Roman empire. Humanity has had the Stone Age, the Iron Age, and finally, the Wank Age. In this age, individualism ruled, and people could watch any kind of porn, buy rubber vibrating vaginas, and any kind of food all from the comfort of their bedroom. The crash of the world economy came much sooner than many expected, except for those in the fuel companies who are now half way to Alpha Centauri in their fusion powered spacecraft, laughing gleefully, because the only people that were on to them were a bunch of anarchists who nobody listened to because all they wanted to do is smash stuff, and as it turned out, everything got smashed anyway which is pretty ironic, really.

All the fuel alternatives were too little, too late. Solar and wind, even if working at full tilt, would not be able to supply a percent of the daily demands but for most of you, it is a little boring isn’t it, so you’re not really using your mind anyway, so you won’t mind taking it on a little journey, will you? Turn it on now, tune in, and breathe out, deeply, three times, and then relax. Ahhhhh, you’re in the flow. Gentle breathing, making you feel more and more at ease. Relax, and as you read these lines, you may begin to feel your muscles relaxing, as the blood flows all through your body, bringing you into a state of calm.

Now, turn your mind inwards, into the world of the imagination...... let’s travel to the world of the future!

All the fuel alternatives were too little, too late. Solar and wind, even if working at full tilt, would not be able to supply a percent of the daily demands. However, that never mattered, because they were never even made. Like a guy who is about to start his last minute cramming and then realizes the exam was yesterday, humanity gets an IC.

The world of the future:

Transport is the biggest thing affected. Many parents call their children overseas and urge them to come home, but most have been killed and eaten in the unfortunate “London incident”.

The big OE is only available now to the rich and

Petrol is running out. Billions of years of anaerobic bacterial action on plants, creating a dark, energy rich goop has been burnt up

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Back on earth, prices of everything continue to rise. ‘All you need is love’ is voted by the starving billions as the stupidest song in all of history.

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

insane, and if they make it back, any stories that they have to tell will actually be interesting, instead of some old crap about getting drunk at various famous places and monuments, which is growing pretty fucking thin if you ask me.

In the future, boy racers have mutated, because cruising Victoria street costs you about $10 a circuit. The richest of the rich boy racers car pool, the rest have joined the latest craze - bus racing. Speakers big enough to shatter shop windows, and an exhaust that could swallow a heifer hurtle through the near empty streets, and now women, or guys just walking peacefully down the street, minding their own fucking business are now barraged by fifty guys yelling out the window at once. It’s too much for some people, because they’ve been pushed too far, and they’re not going to take it any more, so water towers are now booked months in advance, and high powered rifle ammunition is scarce on the ground.

Spotty Attendants are Kings, Bananas a Memory Petrol station owners, sick of people driving away without paying, have finally put two and two together, and now you have to pay for your petrol before you buy it. The spotty attendants are tooled up to the gills, with pistol-grip pump shotties. You better give them some respek now, fool, or they’ll tell you that you jumped the queue, and that you have to go back to the end of the line, biiarch. They even have their own groupies now, and can get laid whenever they want, whereas rock stars, unless they can go acoustic, sit at home and jerk off, finally showing their true colours.

People are fleeing cities, because there is little food there. Bananas are a memory, as all nonmedicinal imports have stopped, and bread

Feature

is about $100 a loaf, and that’s just for the Rivermill stuff. In the cities, currency is now canned goods. Students who once laughed at third world currencies now cry bitterly with frustration, as their biotech shares are nothing but a piece of paper, which they have to eat for the meagre calories it affords, and the possible vitamins in the ink, which goes to show, perhaps ironically, perhaps not, that money can in fact be eaten. There are now no more animals in the streets, as people have realized that there’s good eating on a cat. Hungry stray dogs now chase rugby heads, which is pretty funny, but people don’t laugh too loud, as with the lack of funding, the police force has gone, and in the future a hiding is still a hiding.

In the country side, gangs clash with farmers for cattle control, and hippies in the hills are easy prey: Muzza: (swinging crowbar casually) Those are some real nice looking tomatoes you got there.

It would be a shame if they got all got squashed somehow.

Thaddeus: (Laughing) Yeah, totally man!

That would suuuck!

Muzza: You haven’t been extorted before have you?

Thaddeus: Nah man, we don’t belieeeeve in extortion here Muzza: You don’t?

(Thaddeus shakes his head. Muzza hits him several times with a crowbar) Muzza: How about now?

Small towns have swelled, and with the

growth comes unrest. Soft and useless city folk are discriminated against, and treated as second class citizens, except for ex-Hamiltonians, because really, Hamilton is just Te Awamutu with a university.

Tourist industries have all but dried up - no more slutty English backpackers, or hot but yet uptight Germans. Now electricity is rationed, and there is only one show on telly, which blames all our problems on Australian boat people, who, due to irrigation systems having no power, flee from uncontrolled desertification.

inner city buildings look off vacantly into the horizon, like the lonely heads on Easter Island.

Accountants run and hide, and are regularly rounded up, and eaten in a ceremonial orgy on occult places, like the steps of S block under that big dish thing, their meat washed down with the blood of BA majors. Human resource “managers” burn their CVs, wear ripped jeans and claim that they are agricultural workers, until they are found out by their soft hands and simpering, at which point they are skinned and boiled and made into a high protein stew.

Back To The Present The so called “hospitality” industry has gone under, and thank God for that. Kitchen hands, with the help of waitresses, beat the crap out of chefs and the maitre’d, before boiling and eating

But now the glass grows dim, and we are slowly coming back, out of the world of our imagination, back into the world of the lecture

Kitchen hands, with the help of waitresses, beat the crap out of chefs and the maitre’d, before boiling and eating them, with whatever flavours they can find to mask the nicotine taste which permeates the meat. them, with whatever flavours they can find to mask the nicotine taste which permeates the meat.

People are being fired left right and center in all industries, because they all need petrol to transport their goods, and most things now are horribly unprofitable. Business confidence vanishes overnight like a one night stand, guilty sneaking from the house, trying not to wake up any of the flatmates, and business, waking up and realizing what it has done, cries into its pillow and refuses to come out of its room.

Guys in offices now take the lowest rank on the social pecking order, much further down than the secretaries, because at least the secretaries know how to cook. Landlords are used to drive rickshaws, and their now useless Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

theatre, and those two assholes behind you who won’t stop talking, and the sweaty guy next to you who keeps getting text messages and gibbering.

And now, on the count of five, I want you to come right back to the room, feeling refreshed, alert, and with a cold adrenal feeling, like ice water, in your heart.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Ahh, we’re back and everything looks OK. It was all just part of some guy’s disturbed psyche, and when we grow up, we will have robot servants, and own real estate on the moon.

Or will we?

23

The Body Corporate & Amy Racecar Tour 06 Amy Racecar and The Body Corporate first played together at the infamous home of indie music in Auckland, Eden’s Bar. After the bands found themselves appearing on bills together, they decided to leave the safe confines of their respective towns- Hamilton and Auckland, and head out on a nationwide tour together.

The Body Corporate & Amy Racecar play Sohl Bar Friday March 24th.

THE BODY CORPORATE “While their contemporaries are content with a near-parody of new wave guitar styles, The Body Corporate are not afraid to let their guitars fizz, drone and jangle with real intensity… The Body Corporate sound is entirely unique” (Matty B, Craccum, Oct 3rd, 2005) The Body Corporate are a noise pop band from Auckland, New Zealand. A going concern since 2004, the band combines the disparate

but complimentary song writing and noise making smarts of Mark Stewart and Stephen Horsley (both vocals, guitar and keys), with the heart-imploding rhythm section of Will Waters (ex. Meterman) on bass and Stuart Mills on drums.

The band have become known in Auckland as a consistently excellent and crushingly loud live band playing with the likes of Sleepers Union, Die! Die! Die!, Yokel Ono, The Vacants, My Disco (Australia) and Coldspoon Conspiracy (Ireland).

In late 2005 they recorded two songs with Nich Cunningham (The Blunts), with the results being mixed and mastered by Dale Cotton (HDU, Dave Yetton, Die! Die! Die!).

The Body Corporate are supporting the release of a radio single from these recordings called “Glasshouses” with a national tour with Hamilton’s Amy Racecar. For more tour information head to: www.amyracecar.com/tour06

The Legends of Rock Interview with Steve Larkins as Freddie Mercury Jane Compton Wow did I feel ignorant talking to Steve Larkins – he’s played with everybody from The Cat’s away, Dave Dobbyn, The Pink Flamingos, Suzanne Lynch from The Chicks, Hammond Gamble and Midge Marsden.

He’s in town promoting his show ‘The Legends of Rock’ and what a mean performance it is. Some of you may’ve seen him a couple of Thursdays back outside at the WSU village green. He reckons he plays an in yer face version of Freddie and I can only agree with him – it was great to see members of the crowd sing along with some of the world’s best known songs.

That type of rapport with the crowd is only possible by giving 110% to a performance. He sings in all the original keys and you can hear the difference from all the usual run of the mill Freddies out there - it’s not for nothing that he’s billed as “The best Freddie in the business.”

The show’s not just him however – NZ rock icon Larry Morris from Larry’s Rebels and The Exponents, sings Joe Cocker. Blues diva Truda Chadwick is The Pretenders’ Chrissie Hynde. The whole ensemble plays with a top notch 8 piece band and the show’s a whopping 3 hours long. At $39.95 or $25 for students, that’s not bad.

Steve says he does it ‘cos he loves it and it shows. He’s had over 30 years in the business but has only been playing Freddie for the last 4. Steve started as a keyboard player but one night his friends dared him to give it a go and the rest is history. He says, “It was great coming out to the front of the stage, I didn’t realise how easy it was.”

Win Legends Of Rock tickets!

The Legends of Rock are playing at the Founders Theatre on Sunday the 2nd April at 7.30 pm. You can win yourself a free ticket by being the first to answer this easy Freddie Mercury question: What is Freddie Mercury’s real name? Send answers to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

24

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

Gig guide OPEN MIC NIGHT WARS! There are TWO open mic nights happening now in little Hamilton.

I’ve been to these things and feel confident when I say that Hamilton is possibly not big enough for the both of them, but we’ll see. However, you could be a hustler like Gwyneth Paltrow and do both, trying to win bar tabs.

The first is on Wednesday - Fat Bellies, which is on Hood St. Guitars, mics, and drum kit are provided, so gather up as much talent as you can

March 24th Amy Racecar & The Body Corporate Amy Racecar and The Body Corporate continue their Nationwide Tour with their Hamilton stop, supported by Kill Surf City. This is at Sohl Bar for $7. Dates/info/mp3s: http://www.amyracecar.com/tour06

muster, and perform – 9.30 till late (free drinks to be won).

The second is on the first Thursday of every month, starts at 7.30. Open to anyone who wants to get up and give it a go. Book your slot by ringing 8501912. All entrants get a free drink. Held @ Crave Cafe & Catering, 201 Sandwich Rd. Ring them to see what gear is provided because I am not too sure.

has been told many times but Serge Prokofiev’s ballet is the ultimate masterpiece. This magnificent production tells the tragic tale of two starcrossed lovers, the hostility between the two feuding families and the extent to which they go to keep their love a secret. The Imperial Russian Ballet company’s exquisite dancing, lavish costumes and stage setting dramatise this heartbreaking tale of love and eventual death.” At Founders Theatre at 5pm.

De La Soul De La Soul will be performing at the Wellington Town Hall for around $60 making this their first official headline tour in Aotearoa since 1991.

“Trail blazing, eclectic, amusing and inspiring, De La Soul re-emerged in 2005 as worldwide contenders in the evolution of cutting edge sound when they collaborated on the Gorillaz single Feel Good Inc and they still got the presence and truth that’s defined their sound across two decades.”

April 17th

March 26th

April 22nd

EdgeFest at Mystery Creek P.O.D, Mattafix, ElemenoP, Presidents of the USA, The Living End, PMoney, Frontline, Thirsty Merc, Savage and Arradhna, Goodnight Nurse and My Life Story. If you like 2 or more of those bands, then it should be a pretty good deal for $45 (+ booking fee from Sounds or Ticketek).

High Dependency Unit High Dependency Unit later in April with Yokel Ono, and other huge gigs scheduled later but it’s way too early to talk about that.

Lucky winners of the Nexus Edgefest tickets competition – Alyse and Yasmin. You should each have an email from me by now – bring it up to Nexus to collect your double pass.

Opeth Sweden’s Masters of prog death metal will perform in NZ for the first time. Guests are still to be confirmed but it should prove to be a good night if you’re into them. Playing at the St James, tickets are roughly $55 and are available at www.ticketdirect.co.nz

La Ronde by Arthur Schnitzler Hamilton’s newest theatre company, Kinetic Theatre, performs Austrian playwright Arthur Schnitzler’s La Ronde a sardonic dream-fantasy about sexual seduction – Adults $26.50, Concs $15.

Sigor Ros Sigor Ros is in Auckland at the St James on the 17th April, accompanied

by Amina. Tickets are around the $60 mark One somewhat OTT critic calls Sigor Ross “Magical, lush, orchestral, spine tingling, exquisite, astonishingly beautiful, emotional, and huge.”

April 29th

Also in April ( I believe) SJD will be playing in Hamilton accompanied by the unpredictable choice of Hamilton’s own Hollow Grinders - more info as it comes to pass.

Ballet – Romeo & Juliet For the less philistine of you, you may want to attend some ballet. “The greatest love story of all time based on Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet, Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

Send your gig info and gossip to kat@contactfm.co.nz

25

Hello folks, it is the 8 ball talking to you from a plane unlike the one you currently reside on. Projections from the astral depths propel me the answers to life, the universe and everything and I can tell you that they are greater than the number 42. Ask me your questions and I shall foretell all! However, what you do with the information I impart is up to you...

Dear 8 ball, I go out every night, sleep with as many guys as possible and just have as much fun as I can while sticking it to my rigid parents. Please tell me if I am to live past the age of 25.

- Rampant slapper

Hey 8 ball dude, Will I be an awesomely famous super model in two years time? I am male, built like a tank and my mum says I’m pretty. I hope the answer is good or I will bash you.

- Tank Billy

The 8 Ball knows all and tells all...

“My

sources

say

no.”

Obviously going out every night AND sleeping with any cock you can get your hands on will have its toll. I forsee that the cause of death will be from yeast infection upon yeast infection. Start the usage of condoms now.

“Without a doubt.” Your good

looks and nicely sculpted body will make you an excellent model for Austrian fetish pornography. I also forsee an illustrious career in salacious web cam 1-on-1 websites and in economics. As they say in Austria, “Ich bin ein großer wohlriechender fisch!”

Good luck with your career.

Email your questions to 8ballknowsall@gmail.com

Notices Send your notices to nexus@waikato.ac.nz or drop into Nexus box at WSU reception. Deadline is 5pm Tues for following issue.

Flatmate wanted: quiet person to live with young couple. Small room but nice rural surroundings.

Short bike/walk/drive to Uni, straight up Silverdale Rd. $80 incl power. Ph 8593484 in the evening or text 0274947999.

Room to rent, York street, three bedroom house plus two living in rooms in garage, currently has two guys and two girls. Live in a fun, easygoing flat. $75pw + food, power, etc. 021 1493178.

Flatmate wanted, female pref. $115 incl rent, phone, power, net and Sky. Galloway St. Call Nadine 8565160 or 0273255062.

1 room available, to live with 3 girls. Male or female aged 19-23. Close to uni, plenty of parking. $105 incl expenses.

Contact Candi 0275535599 or 8584004 ATTN: CHEAP RENT: Claudelands/ Enderly area, to live with 1 female and two guys aged 19-22. Big kitchen, house, backyard, vege garden. Communal shopping, vegetarian preferred. Off-street parking. Central between Uni and town. Room available 17th March. $105 for rent, power, phone and food. Phone 8555887 or Rosie: 0212520610 or Ben: 0210631736

Campus Commuters Support Club: For all who commute to campus from outside Hamilton and would like to meet others for possible car-pooling ideas and support. Meeting time to be advised. Interested persons please contact jps6@waikato. ac.nz Electric guitar amplifier for sale $130 comes with instruction manual and original packaging.

‘Fender Frontman 15G’ 15Watts.

Phone Richard 021 255 00 45 838 4719 Leave message at office.

Wanted: bass player who can do vocals while playing. We are looking for someone will can socialise with band members. We have been established 2 years and have vocals/drums. Phone Richard 021 255 00 45 RISK PLAYERS: Anyone keen to play risk one night a week?

Half fun, half serious games.

Not looking for the obsessively devoted. No crying allowed. contact: lmm48@waikato.ac.nz Waikato University Idol: Entry form out now – look out for it next week’s Nexus, and be in to win.

For more info or a form, email Beryl Tamati at bcct1@waikato. ac.nz.

Ever wondered what an ‘A’ pass for an assignment would feel like?

We can sort out your sentence structure, spelling and punctuation problems and turn your assignments into fluent, clear, literate prose. Visit us at www.editwrite.co.nz.

When you write wrong, we right the wrongs

26

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

Review: The Women’s Lifestyle Expo March 11-12 at Claudelands Showgrounds Nexus Gets The Male/Female Perspective...

His Review Joshua Drummond with assistance from Uncle Jim Nexus has a history of asking me to write about things I’m not qualified for, but I’ve got to admit - it was my idea to do a review of the Women’s Lifestyle Expo from a bloke’s point of view. I enlisted Jim to be point man and general backup guy, mainly so I didn’t feel acutely embarrassed trotting round an events centre full of women on my own. As it turned out, we were in for some embarrassment anyway.

“Oh dear,” said Jim, upon gaining the queue.

It was full of women, many of whom were giving us the sort of looks people usually reserve for road kill. Really.

“Uh-oh,” I agreed. The lady at the counter gave us what could only be described as a queer look. The reason for this became clear when two young men in close-fitting clothes and expressions of complete gaiety pranced past us. “You realise everyone is going to think...”

I started. “Shut up,” said Jim, eyeing a pretty vendor for something called “Vibra Train.”

We approached the stall. Women were standing on vibrating platform devices. “What does it do?” asked Jim. The - for lack of a more politically correct term - hot promo girl launched into a highly technical explanation that I completely ignored, being busy watching a large woman who was standing on one of the vibrating platforms, being, well, vibrated. It was fascinating. I had no idea flesh could move that way.

“Do you want a go?” asked the promo girl.

We were reluctant, but got on a platform each anyway, in the “squat” position. The girl promised “ten minutes workout in just two.”

She switched the thing on.

I lasted about 5 seconds. The sensation was uncannily similar to being electrocuted. And people pay to do this! I suddenly had more respect for the large ladies’ thighs. Jim caved after about 30 seconds. We ate the proffered jellybeans and staggered to the next stall.

As fate would have it, they promoted lube.

Sex lube, for the uninitiated. We went about making amusing, witty comments at the sales girls. Well, we thought they were witty. The sales girls thought we were idiots. They were right.

“You realise no one’s come near us since you got here?” said one.

We looked around. It was true. In fact, there was a dearth of any women within 10 feet of us. They moved around an invisible border that screamed “men.” Or maybe “patriarchs” or “morons.” Probably the latter.

This pattern repeated itself about 2 dozen times. We’d go to a stall, make stupid comments and someone would eventually encourage us to go away.

How could it be otherwise? It was a Women’s Expo, for goodness’ sake. There were entire aisles dedicated to sanitary products of the feminine persuasion. It was kind of the opposite of Big

Boy’s Toys - we didn’t know where not to look.

We just weren’t meant to be there.

There was something cringe-worthy tucked away in every corner - from semi-legitimate enterprises like insurance hawkers (who, unlike the other vendors, practically abducted us and made us fill out forms with pens that we stole by way of compensation) to the uber-dodgy “faith healing of the new age crystal massage” bullshit artists. We hated these ones, and took the opportunity to take the piss whenever possible.

The food stalls proved a welcome diversion.

In fact we were in the middle of a particularly decent nacho-tasting session when Jim’s ride arrived and we had to leave. I had the idea he’d sent a desperate text, begging to be picked up.

“How was it?” asked Jim’s de-facto relation, Gareth.* “It was good,” said Jim. “Well laid out. Very nice.”

“It was awesome,” I said. “Heaps of free stuff.”

Like what, Gareth wanted to know. I dug around in my bag.

“Like this,” I said, handing him a packet of pina-colada flavoured, silicon-based lube.

“What is it?” queried Gareth. He bit the end of the packet and sucked.

“Candy,” Jim said. *Not in a gay way. No, Gareth hangs out with Jim’s dad. I’m not sure why.

then had specials ‘for today only’, of course. As I made my was through the event I found myself being bombarded with offers, buy this and get this free, ‘get your free gift with every purchase over $30’. Although I told myself I would not get sucked into buying anything, I walked out having spent $45. Women swarmed from one stall to the other, pushing others out of the way to get to their destination.

Although most of the visitors were women, I did see a few husbands and boyfriends being dragged along by their loved ones, looking as

though they never thought for one minute they could be this bored. The expo started at 10am and went till 5pm; most looked exhausted when I arrived just after lunch.

The hall is quite a big place, and there was not one gap unfilled my some new and exciting thing. I don’t think I would go again, but it’s good for those who have a free weekend and some extra cash. I did however enjoy an atmosphere with no men, the freebies and my purchases.

Her Review Holly McKay I arrived at the Expo, and quickly thanked God that I’d been dropped off, as there were absolutely no empty car parks in sight. Bags were being handed out at the entrance with lots of free goodies for all, including moisturiser, chewing gum, chicken marinade and herbal tea.

Stalls of all sorts were laid out - everything a woman could possibly dream of. There were massages; spa capsules, aromatherapy and skin care stalls, household items and much more.

It just so happened that each and every one of

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

27

President

Vice-President

Sehai Orgad

Carl Gordon (vp@wsu.org.nz)

Kia ora all, I’m gonna keep this one short and sweet.

I am all about the positives (as you may well know by now).

I realize it’s a challenge being back in academia, perhaps just as challenging as dealing with my grandmother in hospital, or maybe even helping my partner convalesce from hospital. But I know I am not the only student with personal challenges, and I am very aware of those amazing students around Waikato campus with brilliant smiles, heads held high, and a courteous greeting. This is what being one of thousands of students means to me, that whilst there is bad, we don’t need to let it pull us down. I love quoting 2pac, because sometimes his lyrics fit right into the situation I am in, and this phrase just seems to put everything in perspective for me when I am faced with bullshit and drama: “I know it seems hard sometimes but Remember one thing Through every dark night, there’s a bright day after that So no matter how hard it get, stick your chest out Keep your head up, and handle it” So just keep smiling my friends, stay hard and keep on being the fabulous student body you are.

28

WSU and the University – how close should we be?

WSU exists to represent the interests of students, and to service their needs. The University exists for quite different purposes, but there is some overlap of interests. To that extent we can work for the same ends. But “the University” is not a unified entity. It has competing interest groups, most notably senior administrators vs. the rest of the staff, and secondly academic and general staff. There is also a cultural chasm between its dominant Euro-centric focus, and the lip service it pays to its Maori self.

At the head is the Vice-Chancellor. He has much power and influence, even though the University Council is the formal head of the institution. A wise Vice-Chancellor can guide the university through the complexities of the modern tertiary world with consistent success.

Where the interests of WSU and the University differ, and they do most of the time, there is room for principled and informed debate based on intelligent submissions by WSU. At other times there is disagreement, criticism of, and even protests against University actions, and relations can be strained – but the dialogue always continues. This has been a consistent part of the relationship between WSU and the Uni admin for 40 years.

It is not true to say that last year there was an US vs. THEM mentality in WSU, or that this year it is suddenly all buddy-buddy. There are differences from year to year, inevitably, as personnel change, but both sides know they have to live with each other, and work together. Last Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

year (and the year before) a great deal of progress was made in negotiations with the University by WSU. It saw minimal tuition fee rises and the grandparenting of international fees because of detailed submissions by WSU, support for staff when they fought redundancies, and service improvements, along with good outcomes for many students when we provided advocacy.

This year part of the process involves getting to know a new upper management grouping.

The University administration has far more information and power than WSU, and sometimes it does things that are silly, or devious, or wrong. WSU then has a duty to say so. Student leaders who ask the hard questions actually help keep the University honest, and a better place. The great danger is that student leaders get co-opted, and end up singing the administration’s songs. Open hostility is also a mistake. It’s a matter of finding a balance between the two extremes. Last year there was a healthy balance, and not US vs. THEM. Those who were actually involved know the facts.

New student politicians might be forgiven for not always knowing what happened in the past.

But it is important to set the record straight, and to understand that the relationship between the WSU and the University (in all its facets) is very complex. It is important realise that the ViceChancellor’s views are not always right; nor are his interests the same as WSU’s. Otherwise we lose sight of the real issues – getting a better deal for students, financially, academically, and representationally. And the ‘real issues’? Let me know what you think.

Sexy Ex-y Getting up close and personal with….Jade!

Position: Campaigns Officer Programme of study: BA

What should Nexus contain more of?

A Maori page filled with Maori interest and written in Te Reo Maori.

In 10 years, you will be: ?

Favoured mode of transport: Free Taxis In 40 years you will be: ?

Suburb lived in: Hamilton East

The seri-arse stuff Hobbies: Besides studying hard - drinking, partying, clubbing, having a good time Favourite website: www.oldfriends.co.nz Favourite TV programme: Te Karere lol, nah I don’t really have one.

Favourite sandwich filling: Kina sandwiches or kinas on toast. YEH YAH! Favourite snack: Well if I could eat sea food all day every day I would Magazine of choice: Nexus lately because I have been it since O week.

Fatal weakness: A person offering me a drink when I have got work to do instead What flavor do you go for first in a box of chocolates? Anything What CD is in your stereo/car right now?

Old skool sounds What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen? Cat Woman Worst habit? Falling to sleep in Thursday morning lectures How much money would it take for you to run nude down Victoria St? I would never do a thing like that.

Which of these do you prefer to pick – nose, ears or teeth? Teeth maybe

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

In regards to your portfolio, what are you working on..

Today? Well, O week played a big part of my campaigning portfolio for starters. Until then me and Joe are still discussing what exactly is our next step is going to be.

This term? You’ll know when the time comes This year? We’re going to bring pride to Waikato by building a strong campus culture.

How are you making sure you and the executive remain accountable to students?

By keeping a good relationship with exec and students What do you think is the most important issue facing the executive right now?

Everything seems to be going sweet action at the moment How do you survive long executive meetings without jumping up on the table, foaming at the mouth and screaming ‘Just pass all the motions, damn you!’ and running off into the distance cackling freakishly? Or falling asleep?

I find executive meetings quite interesting when other execs are doing that stuff, it’s entertaining to watch.

What other execs say about Jade: - ‘Tigerzzzz!!! Raaahhh!’

- ‘Jade = Joseph = Joseph = Jade?’

- ‘Keen as, let’s get some campaign action on, tigaaaaaghrz’

29

Tauranga Officer

Disabled Students’ Officer Jeff Hawks

Anthony McKenna

Greetings all Last rant was national politics, now let’s work on, as Contact 88.1FM would say, “Local As” stuff.

Has anyone got any solutions on where we can hold our Open Student Meetings that will provide us with the opportunity to have an interactive forum that is not so reliant on a barbeque, and where important issues can be discussed openly, without being lost to the atmosphere? Mind you, I go to lectures that are supposed to have more than our quorum (50) and we still have trouble achieving a one hundred percent attendance.

Spit me an email, disabilities@wsu.org.nz, share with me your thoughts.

Tauranga Uni Sports Club free BBQ on Tuesday 21st March, between 12:00 midday and 1.00pm in the courtyard. Come along and have a free sausage and meet the hardworking Sports Club exec and vote for 2006 officers for the club.

O-Week T-Shirt Winners David McLeod, Lynley Boyd, Laura Seal, Rachel Berryman, and Janine Storer.

Okay, SECOND HAND BOOKS! I went and tried to sell an old text book, and neither Bennetts or Vol. 1 are interested, so I posted its availability on the class forum within the Universities Portal.

Perhaps some kind of page hosted by WSU could facilitate contacts by dedicating a page to second hand books? I know across the river at SAWIT (WINTEC’s Student Union) they were providing a service like that. Any feedback would be much appreciated. I want WSU to be helping us as much as possible, and text books are a considerable expense to us all.

The lucky winners can pick up their Tshirts from the WSU Tauranga Office between 11.00am and 1.00pm.

Funny - I saw a comment in the forum about shameless advertising when someone was praising the convenience of scuba dive. Come on, advertising versus a heads up for those of us who may actually be interested?

Shameless plug - just when I thought I was running low on energy in writing, I got given some ‘wings’, helping increase my endurance, concentration, vigilance and most important, stimulating my metabolism.

NB: Rugby Friday nights down at Don Llewellyn’s Bar, I went there last week and as well as the big screen, got to mix it up with some of our students! They always have specials doing on one thing or another! WAIKATO!

WSU EXEC 2006

Jeff the Ref. E-mail: disabilities@wsu.org.nz Ph: 0274 960 137

30

PRESIDENT

VICE-PRESIDENT

DISABILITIES OFFICER

INTERNATIONAL OFFICER

MATURE STUDENTS OFFICER

CAMPAIGNS OFFICER

Sehai Orgad

Carl Gordon

Jeff Hawks

Sonja Gruebmeyer

Vince Malcolm-Buchanan

Jade & Joseph

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

Maori Students’ Officer

Enviromental Officer

Renee Rewi

The Picture for Komiti Awhina is looking very good

Frank Stubbing

I thought it was time to send a note of praise to Wi Wihapi and his merry crew who have been dedicating their time tirelessly to putting the accounts of KA back into order to be audited. So well done Wi to you and your team - we hear on the grapevine that you are not very far from your goal.

A very big hi to everyone, now that we are all back at study and out of O’week party mode, we may now look forward to a great year ahead of us. Firstly I would like to invite all of you WSU members to make yourselves known to WSU Executives and their office which I must remind you is your office. We also have two great smiling girls at the reception who are more than willing to assist and point you in the right direction.

Time to get rid of some rumours – yes, it is true that KA is no longer an Incorporated Society.

However, once the audit has happened they can re-apply for this status. Perhaps what is not realised is that, even though they are not an Incorporated Society, KA is still the representative body on campus recognised by the University and WSU constitution.

Several Maori bodies on campus have gone into protection mode to ensure that the fallout of KA and the audit do not affect these groups. I can assure these groups that once the audit is done all Maori students will be able to see where the money of KA has been spent. The audit will outline procedural failures, which can be put into policies to ensure the administrative arm of KA is more able to deal with all accountable processes. I see a bright future for KA and to this end, cannot wait till they are up and running at full capacity.

Well don’t forget campers – let’s see you all in a black t-shirt to show your support of Race Relations Day 21 March 2006. It is time for us all to remember the past and the resulting problems that non-interventive legislation have caused to Maori as a nation. So the message is support the kaupapa with the wearing of black. ‘Yes, we Maori do not forget’.

Once again I invite all the schools of Waikato to send in your literary scoops for addition to my MSO blurb – remember if you do not tell us, how are we supposed to know, and support your kaupapa, so if you are looking to get people into the know then send it in. Those schools that do not have a Maori group at your school – I am happy to, with the aid of the other schools, aid your resolve. You can contact me at maori@wsu.org.nz GO HARD, STUDY HARD, AND LIVE REALLY GOOD.

Te Wiki o Te Reo Maori Kei te haere koe ki hea?

Where are you going?

Ki te paparakauta

To the hotel (pub)

For all of you Tidy Kiwis - if you are looking for our recycling bins that were strategically placed alongside the Green by the banks, they have now been moved (temporarily I hope) to behind the Scuba Dive shop into the corner of the deadened car park where no-one can see them. If you do locate them, don’t get the feeling that you are being watched (you probably are however) as people may think that you are breaking into vehicles.

I have spoken to C.S.L who tell me it is an appropriate spot, Why, I don’t know and nor do they, but upon saying that I am awaiting for a reply from their CEO to discuss this matter further. So to you Mark Ingles - please be aware of this environmental situation. I hope these these bins were only removed while the Greens redevelopment project was underway.

Kia Ora

Ki te Hillcrest

Ki te po whakangahau

To the Hillcrest

To the night club

S OFFICER

EDUCATION OFFICER

GLBT OFFICER

ENVIRONMENTAL OFFICER

MAORI STUDENT OFFICER

WOMEN’S RIGHTS OFFICER

Joseph

Andrew Pritchard

Megan Moffet

Frank Stubbing

Renee Rewi

Kim Armstrong

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

TAURANGA OFFICER

Anthony Mckenna

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GLBT Officer

Mature Students’ Officer

Megan Moffett

Stereotypes all around us...

Vince Malcolm-Buchanan

Here is a game I have devised to show the stereotypes around lesbian culture - some we are labelled with by others and some we give to ourselves.

Please contemplate the reasons behind these and whether you want to fit into a defined box (or just play the game, whatever).

Let’s Annihilate Each Other - NOT

Match the label with the picture; be the first person to bring the correct matchings to WSU reception and you will win a box of chocolates!

Mmmm, Roses I think.

A. Baby Dyke B. Chapstick lesbian

F. Earthy-crunchy dyke/ granola dyke

C. Diesel dyke

G. Low femme/blue jeans femme

D. Leather Dyke

H. Glamour butch

E. High femme/lipstick lesbian

Words remain one of the most powerful mediums by which society communicates. They can be used to inspire, acknowledge, entreat, retreat, annihilate and protect.

Last weekend I witnessed a student using derogatory words to demand – in no uncertain terms and with the addition of colourful superlatives – the immediate attention and authoritative actions of another student.

Now perhaps it’s because I’m on your Exec, or perhaps this pertains to being an employee of this institute, or maybe it’s because I’m a proud, high achieving, mature student – but I can’t help raising the issue of common courtesy, respectful discourse, and appropriate dialogue.

This is a University, where we share the unified common goal of learning – regardless of individual backgrounds, histories, or successes. Let’s annihilate offensive discourse and instead focus attention on our shared commonalities, shared pursuits and shared achievements. Therefore I want to send a big ‘shout out’ to all those students who simply smile as I’m walking by; or say ‘Hi Vince’; or have time to stop for a coffee and catch-up; or tidy our commons rooms; or whatever. You positive, healthy, vibrant students far outweigh the likes of those very few disgruntled and negative exceptions. THANK YOU! Common Room Notices: the current notices are drafts and clearly not laminated. Please be patient while I source funding to complete this task.

ALMS Registration: the membership list has now been posted in your common room so please add your name over the next fortnight, at which time we will submit the registration form in its entirety.

Bookshelves: the search is on-going so please, if anyone has any suggestion I’d really appreciate it.

Suggestion Box & Point of Contact: my contact details have been posted in the common room. Please, if you have any concerns which you’d like your Executive to address then feel free to communicate them to me so that I may, where appropriate, bring these concerns to their attention.

I’ll do my best to assist. In so saying, I must ask that all such enquiries be submitted in the knowledge that reasonable time may be required before replying to you. I ask this because (as many students are already aware) I am simultaneously committed as an Employee of the Anthropology Department and Disability Student Support Services whilst concurrently undertaking Graduate work. So I really appreciate your patience.

Have fun, be safe, and Kia ora!

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Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

Columns

The Spinster’s Cat

The Panther

Sophie (sophy@mindless.com)

This is a new weekly tip special to turn you pasty girly men into a powerful sex magnet of muscular perfection.

TIP #1 When you get dressed in the morning fill your pockets with cans of spam (that’s canned ham, needle dick). This allows you to carry extra weight and build your muscles through resistance. If you’re a pro like me you need to carry 12 cans of spam. Each can weighs 500gms so that’s a total weight of over 500 kilograms. As an added bonus you can eat one can an hour increasing your powers of muscularity.

Sticky Orange Fingers and Poo “Daddy, it’s croissant” “Yes it is isn’t it?”

“Daddy I’m getting sausage roll” “Yes, you are aren’t you?”

“Daddy, what’s sausage roll?”

And then Daddy goes into this in depth explanation of how a sausage roll is made. This is not why I come to cafés.

I’m sitting on Saturday afternoon, spending my hard earned money on a delightful coffee, and I’m swamped by children, all of whom have sticky orange fingers and can’t sit still.

TIP #2 Do your weight training in your front yard - you get fresh air and impress your neighbours with your sexy body. For extra credit you can work out outside high schools and excite 15 year old girls, just remember to walk away if the police are notified.

These are the first of many tips to get you on the road to muscle town population like me, so keep reading or die weak. For information on joining the Rocky Villains Muscle Gym call 027 4059 958.

They wander around the café and I just feel like screaming at their parents, “KEEP YOUR KIDS STILL” I’m not a child hater as such, but there is a time and a place for children, and my Saturday latte is not the time or the place.

I like to go to my little café, and sit and nurse my latte, and maybe have a bite to eat, write stuff in my little book (God forbid I look as though I’m waiting for someone who never shows up,) and chill out. I get away from the world and laze about swimming in caffeine. The boys who make the lattes are quite nice too. They add to the pool side effect.

They are my virtual pool men. They have lovely accents and nice eyes.

I don’t like to sit listening to Daddy in his sickly ‘oh I’m such a kind father’ voice telling his kids how sausage rolls are made. Why do these men adopt these painful voices? I’m sure their children would benefit a lot more by being spoken to in regular voices. It’s sickening and they all do it, I have three in various corners of the café doing it as I write. “Yes dear, you are an annoying little shit aren’t you?”

Is it wrong for me to feel like walking over and taking the sausage roll from the hands of the cute waiter-guy and ramming it down a throat?

I don’t particularly care whether it’s the father or the child I manage to shut up. Either one would be nice.

I don’t hate children, really I don’t. I know a child, Evie. She is hilarious. Although I’m sure if she was sitting behind me in a café I’d still want to strangle her. Now she has a fixation with poo. Yes, she is curious about her own excrement. While I was enjoying a glass of wine with Evie’s mother, Evie came running down the stairs wanting a spoon.

When her Mummy asked her what she wanted a spoon for, she replied “I can’t tell you Mummy” Warning bells obviously go off at this stage in any mothers head. What did Mummy find when she went upstairs?

Evie had laid cable on her bedroom floor.

I don’t want to think about what she was going to do with the spoon.

Why would any mother have ‘em?

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

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Columns

Danielle Thomson Census has been and gone, and whether you chose to be a Jedi Knight or a Dragon Slayer as an occupation isn’t the point. In fact the aim of this year’s census wasn’t to test your creativity. Many people highlighted their intention to lie or live the dream and alter their income.

“It’s none of their business” was the common excuse, likening the compulsory census to the novel Nineteen Eighty-Four with the government playing being Big Brother. I see the point though; New Zealand is going to grow (unless bird flu pulls through) and they probably in fact do need to know.

However I’ve noticed some interesting flaws in this system. A survey is probably easier to fill out when you’re granted anonymity. Adding my name plus contact details frightened me into marking a whole lot of “I choose not to answer this question”. Questions like how many children have I given birth to tempted me to write 100… the name and details point came up and I chickened out.

Religion is what I mulled over for a while. Putting “no religion” terrified me. I do believe in something, somewhere but I don’t know what. I wanted to mark an answer. I opted for the religion I was raised with - Catholic; lapsed-Catholic wasn’t an option so according to the census people I may in fact be a practising Catholic. In reality I’m the “Unless it’s an occasion Catholic” and by occasion I generally mean weddings, baptisms and funerals followed by a semi-boozey wake.

What I do in my job is possibly irrelevant also; I couldn’t very well write ‘hide in the toilets, drink Red Bull and chalk up lunch on Dad’s tab’. So I chose to live the lie and write what I’m meant to do. ‘Pay attention, write legibly, copy correctly’. I did think of putting I work in the hospitality industry and put the address as my home address. I thought better of it in the end.

Mother dearest wasn’t worried about my lying to Statistics New Zealand, more about the fact I might fail to correctly include my younger brother. He lives the life of a gypsy, flitting between my Mum’s and my dear old Dad’s. He was at Dad’s on the 7th, so that’s where he filled in his form. Through my rough calculations he spends one extra day at Dad’s, therefore living there more. I think Mum’s worried they’ll count the number of bedrooms in her house, believe one is empty, hunt us down, burst in and force us to rent it out.

Regretfully they have their “snapshot” of me, I’m boring. I’m not a dragon slayer by trade, I don’t earn millions or have a caravan on my back lawn and as a religion I’m not a computer hacker or punk rocker.

In my “snapshot” I blend into the background.

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I don’t mind the odd cell phone going off during a lecture, especially if it’s got a cool ringtone going on. Baby Elephant Walk and the theme music for Knight Rider would have to be my favorites at present.

For me the much bigger annoyance is people tapping away on laptops. Half the time they’re playing Freecell or Tetris, or that stupid grid game full of bombs and numbers; this bunch is really screaming for a keyboard enema.

Going far beyond a small irritation, cell phones and email are becoming a growing problem within schools across our country.

Alex Teka was found dead at her home, a day before school started this term. What makes this a little more than disturbing is the fact Alex was 12 years old. Prior to the incident, Mrs Teka said her daughter had been bullied relentlessly through text messages and emails which included a death threat. Far from an isolated incident, this is the third death with similar circumstances since October.

Education Minister Steve Maharey has asked officials to prepare a report on text bullying. Mrs Teka has also met with Labour MP Mark Burton to raise the idea of putting age restrictions on cell phones.

We all lived quite happily without cell phones and computers not so long ago. Today some are so entwined with technology, it seems logging off from the virtual world and the real world can become synonymous.

Cell phones and laptops are undoubtedly here to stay. Alex is another testament that technology is expanding faster than anyone can police it effectively. Reports, restrictions, rhetoric, none of these provide any justice for the Tekas; this is in itself, criminal.

Anyway, my pick of the week in terms of university related entertainment: Theatre performance of La Ronde by Arthur Schnitzler 8pm, Tues 21 March - Sat 25 March 2006 WEL Energy Trust Academy of Performing Arts We all know doing something cultured scores extra points with our significant others and it doesn’t get more cultured than ‘theatre’.

Filled with more sarcasm than your grandpa, not only is La Ronde incredibly funny, but the plot revolves around ten couples dangerously connected in a circle of sexual seduction. This is truly a rare win-win occasion.

Tickets: $26.50 ; $15 (students/senior citizens) Bookings: ph 0800 383 5200 (booking fee applies) Parking: Gate 2B Knighton Rd, Hamilton.

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

Columns

Chapter 3: In which the TV was degaussed… in a most unconventional manner.

On a bright and sunny day whilst in summa’ skool Special K was given a telly from the floor. This made him happy, but the plug had to be cellotaped down from the outside. To fix this, once the rest of the flatmates arrived during real school time, they took the back of the TV off to get to the front. And lo and behold…the screw drivers were magnetized; which subsequently turned the television picture purple.

Oh the insanity!!!

One afternoon while the flatmates were lying around, especially the American, because that’s just what she does, Special K and Vitamin C decided to degauss the telly. In efforts to de-purple the television, (because everything that rhymes with “urple” makes our friend Andrew angry after one unfortunate night with a drunk girl and his ‘unfortunately large’ penis), Special K and Vitamin C held the microwave in front of the TV. “Put a tomato in it so it doesn’t blow up!” said their neighbor.

So, with a tomato in the microwave, Vitamin C held the microwave in front of his crotch moving it in and out from the purple TV at straight angles to degauss it. Surprisingly enough, it worked…kinda. Now only one corner of the television is purple-ish and their friend Andrew isn’t AS angry as he could be.

Although they can now watch Girls Gone Wild infomercials till the wee hours of the morning not all is well in their Uni orbiting death star.

For you see Vitamin C is now sterile and cannot reproduce more ginger children. Furthermore he takes his anger out on Special K now that he can’t get him pregnant.

Chapter 4: Anthony comes by the Flat of Special K and Vitamin C…but we’ll call him “Tony” to protect his identity.

On a weekend night in which the flat was drinking (or maybe it was a weekday, it doesn’t really matter in this flat), someone’s friend, “Tony”, came by the flat of Special K and Vitamin C and began to boast about playing with fire pois. He claimed to be SO good with fire, but once, he lit his hair on fire. (En Fuego, for all you Spanish speakers out there.)

So, while playing with The Education Officer’s Zippo, trying to impress the hobos which lined up from the street, the rest of the flat filled a glass with butane. Unfortunately, the butane spilled out onto the floor and when “Tony” tried to light the glass of butane, it engulfed the floor in fire. While it was AWESOME, Special K and Vitamin C decided it would be best not to try and recreate it. But it could happen again - at any time.

Chapter 5: The Hilly bathroom adventures…told from the point of view of Andrew: After downing a case of Tui and stumbling to the Hilly for the Exponents concert I went to get some relief. Once in the safety of the stall…zzzzzzzzzz.

I woke up to find bouncers ushering me briskly outside…two hours after the concert was over. The End

‘Freedom’ I had an interesting experience the other night; having just finished work, I was waiting outside for my ride when I was approached by a youngish-looking couple. Being polite, as you do, I smiled at them, thinking they were after directions or wanted to know what the time was, as it turns out that wasn’t what they were looking for at all. They were coming to convince me to go to their church. Now, I’m not Christian, and have no desire to be, but I have absolutely nothing against Christianity. But that’s not the issue here. Once I discovered what the couple’s real motive was, I politely told them I wasn’t interested, only to be informed that Christ died on the cross for me, and that I was going to burn in hell. Now certainly, that may be your view, and I can respect that, even if I don’t personally believe it. But is it really a good way to convert someone to your faith?

Now before everyone leaps up feeling insulted saying “wait a minute that is just one person, one belief, not everyone is like that” - I know, I completely agree, that was only one person, and a rather extreme example. My point, however, is not to give Christians or indeed any other religion a bad name; that is not my intention at all.

The point that I am trying to make is, what happened to freedom?

It’s a strange word freedom; it means so many things to so many people.

One person’s terrorist is another’s freedom fighter. We can talk about New Zealand being a free country. We have freedom of speech, we also have religious freedom, but do we really?

As a New Zealander, I believe I should be able to walk down the street (or the village green on campus) without being harassed about my religion (or lack thereof). I am happy, even interested to hear what you have to say about your religion but not if I am going to be confronted. I admit that we have it really good here compared to some countries but that doesn’t mean we should stop striving to reach ultimate freedom, where we are valued, and seen for who we are, and not what we believe.

Everyone interprets words differently, we all have a different take on the world; I’m sure you perceive ‘freedom’ in your own way, and I in mine. But for me that’s what freedom is; it is the ability to accept our differences and move past them, without feeling the need to change others as we go.

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

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Columns

The Booze Train to Drunkville Little Miss Muppet Making the decision to go to Uni was a no brainer. The motif of my time here at the University (well that’s for people like me that like to party and party) is exactly that so far, although for most of us we have just endeavoured on an important journey taken for a long time now by our forefathers and grandpas before us.

A journey that would ultimately lead us into what our parents said before we left home the most incredible adult step of our life .And that is, ironically, having no money, no heat, no food, no boyfriend (because we are too drunk to realise that someone is actually hitting on us and before we realise it they have gone off with someone else) etc. So what exactly is this incredible journey? Well for me it was “Going to University”. Man, I though I was the shit when my friends from home would ask me ‘Oh, what are you doing now?’ And I would reply ‘Umm, I am at the University’ (hoping not sound too

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egotistical, but really I had a self centred pride in knowing that I was making the right decision with my life instead of getting knocked up like my other mates and ending up in a dead end job.)

The real paradox however comes from the fact that university is meant to be higher learning, thinking outside the square but for most of us we are still in the square, still crawling around like a goddamn caterpillar who has not (or does not or won’t) turned into a fucken butterfly and flown away. But that’s the beauty of it really, isn’t it? I mean people give off the impression like, ‘I go to uni’ and that’s it, full stop. The real underdog story is what happens at the uni – that’s what I’m talking about. It’s a whole different kettle of fish altogether. Times have changed and so have the yearnings of many-astudent. Now it’s all about what’s happening

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

this weekend or better yet this Thursday, leaving Tuesday and Wednesday for school activities (Monday is recovering from a hangover day).

And the three letter word that makes student feel funny in their groin, SEX…I mean don’t even get me started on that topic coz I could go on for ever and ever. I’ll leave that for next time, but my point is this - is uni an attraction because we are here to learn something about the world or is it an attraction because we are trying to follow the herd (which is a paradox in itself because we are following our peers, not thinking for ourselves) or better yet, is it an attraction because we fall in the myth that we will definitely get laid and it will be the best we ever had?! Take a minute, think about it, ok go back to bed! Till next time lovers and foes.

ADIOS.

CJ and Macca’s Classic Rock Review

Reviews

Judas Priest – British Steel Reviewed by C.J Judas Priest are absolute legends of the heavy metal scene. They’ve been around, in various forms, since 1967, but only became the monsters of metal that they are today in 1973. You may well be asking why I’m writing about a heavy metal band in a classic rock review. Well, these guys are definitely a classic act, and, compared to today’s standards of metal, Priest are slightly more rock than metal (in my opinion). And it’s my column, so I can do what I like.

Now, to the album. British Steel was released in 1980, a good year for classic rock and metal, with Iron Maiden, AC/DC, and Motorhead all releasing killer albums. British Steel opens with my all-time favourite Judas Priest song, Breaking The Law. It’s short, simple, powerful, catchy, and appeals to the inner rebel in me. It’s almost like I’m breaking the law by listening to it. But you don’t end up getting banged by Bubba this way. Awesome! Beavis and Butthead fans will be familiar with this track. “Uh, huhhuh, huh-huh, shut up Beavis”.

Judas Priest were pioneers of the dual-guitar rhythm attack, and the song ‘Metal Gods’ is a great example of this. It’s almost spiritual, invoking a dark, eerie, graveyard feeling. Mean guitar solo too. And you can’t help nodding your head (lightweight head-banging) to this song, testament to its excellent craftsmanship.

My next pick from this album, Living After Midnight’, definitely has a more classic rock feel to it. The harmonies, twin guitars, and lyrics about partying till dawn make this song a nice change from the pounding heaviness of the other tracks on this album. Party on!

British Steel was Judas Priest’s commercial peak, but they’ve gone on to sell over 35 million albums worldwide. An admirable achievement for a band that consistently stayed true to their metal origins and shied away from overt commercialism. 8/10

All right, now to the part you’ve all been waiting for. The first person to email the correct answer to me at cjw37@waikato. ac.nz gets two movie tickets courtesy of our friends at Radio Hauraki.

Question: What is the name of Judas Priest’s lead singer, and what is the most interesting fact about him (as a heavy metal frontman)?

P.S. Much respect to my man Burton C. Boganology rules!

Burton.C.Bogan

Play some fucken SLAYER! One of the biggest names in thrash metal that there is. For the uninitiated, the classic Slayer line up includes Tom Araya (Vocals/Bass), Kerry King (Guitar), Jeff Hanneman (Guitar) & Dave Lombardo (Drums)…but I didn’t need to tell you that. Part of the “Big Four” or early 80s Thrash (along with Metallica, Megadeth & Anthrax) Slayer have released a huge number of albums and are still going strong – with one of the most notable Reign in Blood being acknowledged as a Thrash Classic. Plagued by controversy (Nazi skinheads love em) largely due to their use of fascist symbols and songs that include themes like Nazi doctor Joseph Mengele (‘Angel of Death’) and the fact that their fanclub was named Slaytanic Wehrmacht – complete with logo emblazoned on an iron

eagle. But largely I think (and hope) that this is all tongue in cheek, to stir shit. But this is all elementary stuff…you want interesting behind the scenes stuff eh? Hmmm…well first there’s the fact that Kerry King is probably the most pissed off skinhead there is (and he’s up against some stiff competition). Want proof?

How about Heavy Metal feuds with just about everyone? A renowned hypocrite, Kerry has dissed Machine Head for doing rap metal and yet Slayer and Ice T have collaborated on the Judgement Nights sound track (crap movie, great soundtrack…Cypress Hill & Pearl Jam is my favourite). Speaking of Machine Head…

Kerry & Rob used to be real good friends until Kerry told the press that he thought all Machine Head’s latest albums were poo. Rob Flynn Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

retaliated with his usual wit and voted Kerry King “Hottest Women in Rock” for Kerrang!

Magazine (Rob Flynn also went on to nominate Dez Fafarra as “Worlds most talented Gas Station Attendant”). But Slayer is proof that you don’t need to be pretty to be famous. Tom Araya sums it up when he is asked “Who is your typical Slayer fan?” – He responds with “The ugliest kid in your neighbourhood”. Metal – helping ugly guys get chicks since the eighties!

If you have any suggestions for columns, bios or just generally wanna give us a yell email boganology@yahoo.co.nz. Any words of praise send it to nexus@waikato.ac.nz as well so they know that we should keep this column going.

See all you Bogans at 6ft.

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Activities

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Comics

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Discovering Raglan Min Lu (Photos by Min Lu)

I guess many of you have been to the beautiful Raglan beach, or at least you have heard about it. I, being a Student Village resident, was lucky enough to experience the Raglan trip which was organized by Student Village office on March 5th. This trip was definitely an unforgettable one.

The bus was waiting for us at 9.45 in the morning, and we were going to leave at 10a.m.

There were about 60 of us which was a quite large group. I am a new resident in Student Village, so I didn’t know many people. Luckily the American girl sitting next to me was friendly so that I wasn’t lonely any more - great! It took us about an hour’s drive to arrive at the beach.

I could feel the wind with the smell of ocean as soon as I got off the bus, what a heaven that is.

I couldn’t wait to feel the sand and to play with the tide. The sand was not as white as what I thought; it was a little bit black. The other girl told me that the sand was very soft and warm, so I suddenly realized that I have made a stupid mistake because I should have worn slippers!

Anyway I took off my sneakers and socks to feel the sand. It was really comfortable and even I didn’t want to keep my feet away from it.

The weather was not as sunny as we expected,

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but there were still a lot of people going surfing.

I wished I could try it, but it would be dangerous thing for a surfing idiot like me to try without any professional knowledge and training. So I thought I should be good and stay on the beach while enjoying the breeze. Some guys were playing ball on the beach. To be frank, I didn’t know what kind of ball it was, maybe rugby and maybe netball. Who cares what sport it is as long as they enjoyed it?

When we all felt a little bit bored sitting on the beach watching people surfing and the guys playing with the ball, a girl proposed a brilliant idea: we girls should do something. We were told there was a cave along the beach with little crabs in it. I didn’t hesitate a second to go with them because I love adventures! I have to admit that the road to the cave was a really hard one. We had to walk on the rocks which were different in size and shape. I began to love my sneakers because they made it feel easy to walk on the rocks, compared with the girls wearing slippers! The cave was smaller than I’d thought and the thing made us disappointed was that we couldn’t find any crabs! They must be playing hide and seek with us. Soon we realized that the tide was becoming higher than before so we’d better leave here and go back to the Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

beach as soon as possible, otherwise it would be dangerous. So we left the cave after taking some photos. Although our attempt to catch crabs was an undeniable failure, we still enjoyed the fun of adventure. To some extent, process is more important than result, isn’t it? I took a photo of my cute footprints left on the sand, hoping that my time in New Zealand could be a beautiful memory in the journey of my life.

When we came back to the beach, we were provided a nice lunch with sandwiches, cookies, an apple and a drink. After lunch, the bus driver took us to the Raglan town and we had an hour and a half free time to look around the little town. The town is really small, even tiny. It took us only 10 minutes to see the little shops along the street. Then we chose to have a rest in a café called ‘Salt Rock’ which was really nice and quiet.

We realized that it was the time to go back to the bus when it started to rain. I thought the rain must be Raglan’s tears telling us it didn’t want us to leave. The trip was short but wonderful.

I loved the beach, the sand, the smell of ocean, and even the cave with no crabs. I had a really great time and I will never forget you, Raglan!

Reviews

Food & Drink:

Punch it up!

Danielle Thomson

Note: make sure you serve your punch in an appropriate bowl, and provide party goers with something to dish out the punch with.

Everybody dipping their dirty glass into the bowl is gross.

Midori Punch

The Two Ingredient Wonder

Ingredients 2 cups of Midori 1 bottle of Sparkling Wine (Brut) 4 cups of Pineapple Juice (Unsweetened) 2 cups of Fresh Fruit (Or canned and diced) 5 Strawberries I find using canned fruit easiest and cheapest, and I’m all about keeping expenses down. The best fruit combo is melons, and pear pieces. Cut them up nice just a little, choking guests will not be impressed.

Mix all the ingredients in punch bowl with lots of ice.

Ingredients 1 bottle of Peach Schnapps 2 bottles of Ginger Ale It’s nice and simple, people, and fail-safe. If you’re feeling adventurous try adding 5-6 thinly diced strawberries. Mix all the ingredients with heaps of ice in a punch bowl.

If you want to play responsible host and feed your guests, chips and dip are always a winner.

Instead of using plain tried and true chippies use bagel crisps, or hack up a loaf of bread from the bakery section.

Yoghurt dip (Makes approx 2 cups) Ingredients 200 grams low fat unsweetened plain yoghurt Drop Tabasco sauce freshly ground black pepper Half a chopped, peeled cucumber Freshly chopped herbs e.g. mint or coriander 1 finely chopped red or green pepper 1/4 cup chopped spring onions Second and almost final step: Combine ingredients in bowl and stir until well mixed then chill before serving.

Got a kickass student-friendly food or drink recipe you’d like to share? Send it to nexus@waikato.ac.nz.

Restaurants:

The Cook Hazazel Everyone knows the Cook, on Cook Street, and if they don’t, they should. A favourite for afterwork drinkies, the Cook also has cafestyle food served reasonably late. Lights (wedges, breads etc) are generally $5-9, but they do offer an antipasto platter as well.

Mains are café standards such as paninis and wraps, as well as a few favourites such as fish and chips, and a vege stack. They also offer a range of platters - good value for sharing with a group. And of course, being a bar, they have a great wine list!

We started with the kumara chips which, while hot and very generous (note: 1/2 size is more than enough for 2!), were a little overdone. I went with the most expensive main: Parmesancrusted chicken. I thought the parmesan crust lacked crunch and flavour, but the avocado topping was great, and the couscous base was liberally scattered with pine nuts... mmmm... not bad

for $16.50. My partner had the steak sandwich, which sounds a little overpriced at $10.50. Not so! It was 2 slabs of light, crispy bread, toasted with cheese, piled with fresh salad veges, dollops of mayonnaise and fantastic onion marmalade, and a decent hunk of tender, tasty steak. You would have to have an unhingeable jaw to eat this delectable monstrosity as you would eat an ordinary sandwich, but with the aid of a knife and fork, it’s all good.

We couldn’t manage dessert, but the sundae flavours sound very appetising, and there’s also cake, coffee etc. The Cook has a warm, friendly atmosphere (and a very unusual history!), and you can dine outside or inside, on cushy sofas or bar stools... even up on the mezzanine if you catch it while it’s unoccupied. Not a bad choice for a compromise if you want to avoid the expense of a restaurant and the tedium of standard bar food.

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Citric Kat

May is approaching with speed which makes this an ideal time of year for contemplation, protest and to give the big finger to the commercial music industry. For those of you who don’t know, May is NZ’s music month. Take a look around your fair city of Hamilton and see which radio stations really give a fuck about New Zealand music, all year round. Those are the ones you should support.

It’s never too late to support local music. On that note the good thing about deciding what to do with yourself in the weekends etc is that going to watch live music never gets uncool. If you haven’t started yet it doesn’t mean you have to put Beyonce back in your stereo. As a side thought, I guess gig attendance is like weight loss, the more you attend the meetings the closer you get to the goal (the goal being people actually like you and you don’t feel so alienated when you turn up). Then again, you could end up like those people who try and fail at weight loss and people never really like you, ever. Then again, you could be that girl who is skinny, but no one really likes her either, so she is still a failure. Gig life is complex. So is weight loss. Anyway, that is all just bullshit.

People who are new to town, you may need some new friends. Open Mic Night hits Fat Bellies every Wednesday, which is on Hood St. Here you may meet some odd characters who will embrace you and you may also score free drinks. Guitars, mics, and drum kit are provided, so gather up as much talent as you can muster, and perform – 9.30 till late.

Matisyahu: Live At Stubb’s Reviewed by Sam Brown Surely the world’s first crossover Hasidic reggae star, Matisyahu has enjoyed an amazing rise in the last 12 months. Another success story of the yearly South-By-Southwest music showcase in Texas (happening again soon with another contingent of Kiwi musicians in attendance), he ended last year with ‘King Without A Crown’ making an appearance in the Billboard charts.

The danger with such a record is that the novelty factor is all there is. Upon first listen, I was certainly intrigued by the unique sound of traditional chanting over solid reggae grooves. The challenge is for the music to have something to sustain itself beyond novelty and keep it from being simply a gimmick.

Matisyahu’s backing band are certainly tight, and he has talent as a frontman. The crowd certainly seem to be having fun, backed up by no shortage of complimentary reviews of his live shows.

While hardly groundbreaking musically, this is definitely an interesting combination of cultures and sounds, and an enjoyable twist to a sound we’re more than familiar with in New Zealand. With his debut album out soon, it’s worth checking out.

Amy Racecar and The Body Corporate continue their Nationwide Tour on March 24th with their Hamilton stop, supported by Kill Surf City. This is at Sohl Bar for $7.

Dates/info/mp3s - http://www.amyracecar.com/tour06 Sigor Ros is in Auckland at the St James on the 17th April, accompanied

by Amina. Tickets are around the $60 mark One very OTT critic calls Sigor Ross “Magical, lush, orchestral, spine tingling, exquisite, astonishingly beautiful, emotional and huge”.

High Dependency Unit later in April with Yokel Ono, and other huge gigs scheduled later but it’s way too early to talk about that.

Music lovers don’t forget to check out ContactFM 88.1 on your dial for the best local, national and international music bought to you by people who don’t get paid and are clearly dedicated to the cause.

Bands/Artists send me your gigs or they may be left out. Email kat@contactfm.co.nz

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POD: Testify Reviewed by Tim Dawson When I put on the Testify album for the first time I was unsure what to expect, and to admit it, I was a little sceptical at the latest offering from yet another nu-metal band from the Limp Bizkit era. The opening track “Roots in Stereo” was a lot more melodic than I had come to expect from Payable On Death. From the first play it is evident they have drawn heavily from their spiritual and cultural roots to create a more tribal sound. The album has 13 tracks on it, and after giving it a blast through, my favourites are still definitely the more intense songs.

A lot of the songs sound very similar when it comes to the guitar and singing style; A few of the choruses feature a couple of decent hooks, but musically there isn’t anything to get excited about on this album. Testify is not as anthemic as their previous offerings, but overall the sound is incredibly familiar to their previous albums. From a band that gained its fame from the hard sound of the album Southtown it’s….good, but standard. Go fork out for a ticket to Edgefest if you want to hear them, as there’s nothing much new here.

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

Kazuma Namioka

Family Guy Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story

Franz Ferdinand

The movie is best described as For Fans. Only those who have watched and loved all the episodes will appreciate the little gimmicks, like a one-off character from the show reappearing simply to spout their catchphrase. So it annoyed me, big whoop wanna fight aboudit?

Another gripe: jokes just taken straight from an episode, dumped the fuck down in the movie. Stewie’s sexy party for example, they referenced it three times in the original episode so seeing it again here is like, yeah, that used to be funny. If you hadn’t seen the episode before it would’ve been funny, but newcomers won’t fully understand the way the animators abused their show’s central characters.

Oh good, 2 discs. Oh bad, Franz Ferdinand only has two albums’ worth of songs, repetition in this experience is inevitable. Oh good, I only have to watch the first disc. Oh bad, even the first disc is becoming a bit of a chore. Although one of the better sounding bands at this year’s Big Day Out, I was in front of the other stage waiting for The Stooges and I only heard their set. Turns out seeing them prance on stage while you listen to the music they create isn’t dip for chips but mayonnaise for sandwiches: I can take it, but I’ll probably leave it. Unless it’s really dry or something, but then if I have mustard I’m sorted anyway.

The movie is like three episodes joined together, and the Stewie Griffin Story is presented as a movie within the movie. The other family members just become distractions with pretty basic stories, but narrative was never Family Guy’s strong suit. Family Guy does ‘funny’, and though it isn’t worth three good episodes together, yes, it’s funny in a way only the movie could have been. From the simple pleasures of hearing them cuss clearly and loudly (“when I heard we were gonna be in a movie I was like… FUCK yeah!”), to the painfully awkward situations and incest jokes (Chris would be utterly uninteresting if it wasn’t for his relationship with Lois). The voice-acting is top notch; things like stutters and linguistic anomalies which other shows ignore are included to great effect. Watch it with friends and beer.

So disc 1 is a collection of tracks performed from all over, and a rather interesting video diary featurette called Tour de Franz. At one point they were discussing the video diary in the video diary and a band member suggested it be called Franzy Pants, which would have been heaps cooler. One scene had one of them recording those radio sound-bites where a station gets a guy from a band to announce the station name or something bland. He was sitting there doing one station after another looking real bored, it was awesome. Disc 2 had live sets in their entirety from San Fran and Brixton, as well as two bonus tracks from when they played the St James in Auckland. So if you went up, win this DVD from Nexus and see your stupid ugly face in the crowd.

To win, email nexus@waikato.ac.nz with…let’s say, the last name of the famous Ferdinand who was an explorer (Hint – sea).

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Reviews

Films PARADISE NOW Victoria Cinema

Review by Joe Citizen Nominated recently at the Oscars for ‘best foreign language film of the year’ and largely undistributed in Israel amidst claims that it glorifies suicide bombers, this film is one hot potato. Filmed by a Palestinian cast and crew, produced by an Israeli and funded with European money, this must not have been an easy film to make.

The director Hany Abu-Assad shot most of this film in the West Bank town of Nablus, despite it being a virtual war zone. Like most of the West Bank, it is surrounded by Israel’s infamous 2.8 million dollar per kilometre ‘security wall’ and subject to almost daily raids by the Israeli army searching for ‘wanted Palestinians.’ During production the film team had to negotiate both the Israeli army and local Palestinian militia who thought that they were making an anti martyr film.

Despite the controversy, this is a very potent story about two childhood friends who decide to become suicide bombers. From the safety of New Zealand this might seem a perverse subject, but the film provides a wider cultural context of martyrdom and a human face to this

tactic of desperation. What makes two ordinary men want to do it?

Said and Khaled work as poorly paid mechanics. Like many Palestinians, Israeli roadblocks and rocket attacks interrupt their lives. These two men introduce the viewer to their mundane world with little effort - the poverty of their situation is not so much emphasised, as merely illustrated. Through them we experience the culture and values of Palestine, including the knowledge of martyrdom for a cause.

They are less recruited than simply accepting of their fate. Their opposition comes from an unlikely quarter however, with a chance meeting with a young woman called Suha. She disputes the effectiveness of their tactic, claiming that it serves Israel with international legitimacy for their continued security presence.

Where the story really kicks off is after a botched attempt, and Said and Khaled are left running around with explosive strapped to their chests. For both of them, their faith is truly put to the test. It is during this process that we truly see the inner workings of their respective reasoning.

For an authentic Arabic production, this film surprisingly conforms to a Hollywood structure. Perhaps this is how it makes this disturbing subject so accessible. We don’t see these men as ‘terrorists’ but as products of their circumstances. No wonder this film is controversial – because it steps into the very core of reality. If you really want to understand the mind of a suicide bomber, don’t be surprised if it might not be too far from your own.

Rialto Check Leigh McGeady Kia Ora folks. Hope all is well with one and all. I have just a little advice to give to you all - make sure you always look both ways.

Look Both Ways is an Aussie flick (but don’t hold that against it!) written and directed by Sarah Watt. Watt, a relative newbie, has been deemed a producer of powerful cinema by the Australian public. The film is a mix of both animation and live action, set over a scorchingly hot weekend, where people dealing with unexpected events find their lives intersecting.

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First there’s Meryl, who imagines disaster at every turn and upon returning from her fathers funeral witnesses a fatal accident on a train line, which adds further fuel to her anxieties. She also has only till Monday to finish her project or lose her job. Then there’s Andy a newspaper journalist, whose feature on the same accident, a speculative essay about depression, shows scant regard for the victim’s widow and tells us more about the irascible Andy than it does anything else. Andy is also thrown by his girlfriend’s ultimatum and has to consider the news of her unplanned pregnancy. And then there’s Nick…

Issue 4 · 20 March 2006

a newspaper photographer assigned to the accident, who visits a doctor for a routine check up only to be given the devastating diagnosis of Cancer and has to wait until Monday for specialist advice. The convergence of their paths creates an intriguing picture. A picture that is intimate, universal and uplifting.

Look Both Ways features a solid ensemble cast including William McInnes (You and Your Stupid Mate) and Justine Clarke (Japanese Story). This film opens on the 23rd March.

Don’t miss it!

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Photos

Altitude Bikini Competition Photos by Carl Watkins

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Photos

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