issue 4 by Nexus Magazine

www.nexusmag.co.nz

Things that go LARP in the night

23 March 2009

ISSUE 04 Credits: Editor: Joshua Drummond (editor@nexusmag.co.nz)

Features:

Design: Talia Mussom (graphics@nexusmag.co.nz)

Advertising: Tony Arkell

18 Things that go LARP in 04 Editorial 05 Low Five 06 Magic 8 Ball 08-12 News 13 Police Report 14-15 Lettuce 17 Rant of the Week 24-27 WSU 28 Flash Medallion’s Puzzle Page 29 Notices 30 The Nerdary 30 Agony Art 31 Sports Thoughts 31 The Far Side of the World 32 The Essence of Annoying 32 Uncommon Sense 33 Your Physical Education 33 VITAMIN C 34 DVD Review 34 Phat Controller 35 Auteur House Presents 35 Movie Review 35 Auteur House Presents 36 Book & Comic Review 38 Gig Guide 39 BUSTED

the night Art Focker goes Live Action Role Playing and gets torn to peices. Literally.

New Stuff Check out Harlief Skankhammer III’s Rant of the Week on Page 17, and brand new columns Sports Thoughts and The Far Side on page 31. The DVD reviews return on page 34, as do book reviews on page 36 - and there’s a brand new comic courtesy of K and N on page 38!

(ads@nexusmag.co.nz/021 176 6180)

Reporter: Grant Burns (news@nexusmag.co.nz)

Film Editor: Art Focker (agonyart@nexusmag.co.nz) Games Editor: Antony Parnell (games@nexusmag.co.nz) Books Editor: Penny Wilson (books@nexusmag.co.nz) Music Editor: Kat Cox (music@nexusmag.co.nz) Internet Guru: Jed Laundry Contributors Vitamin C, WSU, Kirill, Chris Parnell, Burton C. Bogan, Nick Sicklemore, Dawn Tuffery, Jed Laundry, Dr Richard Swainson, Maria Mo, Josh, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash Medallion, Art Focker, Blair Munro, Fire, Louise Blackstock, Emma Swete, DJ Lauree, Rorschach, Sarah Bentley, Todd Cantley, Hollie Jackson, Penny WIlson, Vicky Cadd, Antony Parnell, Jason Sebestian, 8 Ball, Harlief Skankhammer III (cover image from http://yes-please.deviantart. com/)

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) Because it’s all kinds of fun. THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE REALLY. WE DIDN’T DO IT, NOBODY SAW US DO IT, YOU CAN’T PROVE ANYTHING.

“My family are nerds, too. Girlfriend? Nerd. My cats are pretty damn nerdy too, especially Captain Fantastic. It’s awesome”

I’m a nerd. I used to be a bit ashamed of this. Being a nerd doesn’t win you any friends at school. It makes you stick out, makes people uncomfortable. I became aware I was a nerd from when I was really young – probably around eight. I’d read a “How Things Work” book and my mates from across the road weren’t interested in my attempts to explain how atom bombs worked. Of course, when you’re that young, it’s hard to know the difference. I remember teaching my friends about stamp and coin collections (I cringe, now.) They taught me soccer, Aussie Rules, and how to ride go-karts. But as we got older, the social differences became more apparent, and I slowly became ostracised. And I didn’t like it. I had a stark realisation of what I was to other people one day after I started high school. I was talking one day to a girl about a book from the Tomorrow series I’d borrowed and we’d both really liked when a passing guy started laughing at us. I can’t remember what he said now – only the inference that I was a useless fucking bookworm, everyone hated me, and I should fuck off. Something like that. So I started pretending that I didn’t read books. From when I was at high school to around when I started Uni, I tried to bury my nerdiness. I either avoided nerds, or, when I got the chance, hassled them mercilessly – a fact I’m ashamed of now. Needless to say, my attempts to be one of the cool kids didn’t work. I had cool friends, but I was never one myself. A nerd who is trying to hide what he or she is can’t really be happy.

Luckily, once I came to Waikato Uni, I fell in with the Nexus crowd, who were some of the biggest nerds I’ve ever come across. I became friends with other nerds, and built things up until I could proudly say that some of my best friends are nerds. Scratch that. All of my best friends are nerds. My family are nerds, too. Girlfriend? Nerd. My cats are pretty damn nerdy too, especially Captain Fantastic. It’s awesome. But it wasn’t always, until I learned that nerds are everywhere, and it’s entirely great to be one – especially when you look at the alternatives. I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that you’re a nerd too. Now, you might know this already, but if you don’t, I’ve got news for you. A nerd is, according to generally accepted social definitions, an intelligent someone with a passionate interest in something or things. There’s a pejorative element to it, of course. Because nerds tend to be interested in things niche or outside the mainstream, they’re ostracised by mainstream peers. But you knew that already, so I’ll skip the amateur social psychology. My point is that practically everyone – or everyone worth knowing – fits into this definition. Someone who can reel off sports trivia is precisely as nerdy as the guy who knows screeds of C+ code. It’s just that his nerdiness is a bit more socially acceptable than the computer nerd’s. Or is it?

Thanks to nerds, practically everyone in the West now owns or has regular access to a computer, that nerdiest of inventions. Thanks to nerds, most people –who’d never consider themselves nerds – use computers for much or most of their social interaction. Witness the wannabe gangsters hogging Bebo at the Hamilton Central Library for details. It would have been unthinkable 20 years ago, but we’re all computer nerds now. The nerds have won, we’ve had our revenge, and the rest of the world just hasn’t quite realised it yet. Certainly, bright, semi-obsessive, social malcontents will continue to be the butt of jokes in classrooms the world over and on shitty TV, but it no longer matters. Slowly, I’ve come to realise that the word “nerd” isn’t a pejorative. There are only people who think it is. Nerds are the best people in the world. From science nerds we get scientists. From film geeks we get our entertainment industry. Band geeks? Music. Bookworms? Writers. Politics wonks? Politicians. Computer nerds? Programmers, graphic designers, and so on. That guy who was always such a stickler a stickler for rules in any school game that he got beaten up to save everyone the trouble? Lawyers. Pretty much everyone at Uni should be a nerd of some kind, when you think about it. Nerds make the world go round. Without nerds, it’s a safe bet that we’d still be avoiding being beaten up by roving gangs of chimps. I say being a nerd is brilliant, and I hope all the other nerds out there will agree with me.

QUESTIONS 1. Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the single nerdiest thing about you? 2. Whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the biggest nerd you know? 3. Definition of a nerd? 4. Would you date a nerd? 5. What World of Warcraft item would you take on a first date?

Maria (BSMS) 1. My Mac. 2. No idea. 3. Someone that gets obsessed with a useful hobby. 4. Sure. 5. What?

send questions

for the Magic 8 Ball (which knows all) to magic8ball@ nexusmag.co.nz! Or visit the Magic 8 Ball thread on the Nexus forums.

Now that Nexus has done an article on it, will Live Action Role Playing be the next big thing? My reply is no – because it already is the next big thing. There’s a huge LARP tournament on right now, with the medieval-themed team the Crusaders soon to take on the Scottish-themed Highlanders. Over a third of the country will be watching it. And you thought LARPers were a bunch of nerds! Is the National government wasting all its money building roads? Very doubtful – they will come in very handy as a durable surface for building railways on in about four years when the Greens take over. Are the new Nexus forums (forums. nexusmag.co.nz) the greatest procrastination tool yet devised? Outlook good – now piss off, would you? There’s this great bad fan-fiction thread that I’m really into right now. Is the Nightglow event going to see any crowd-crushings this time around? It is decidedly so – although, happily, the only things crushed will be the egos of the

Libertarians who are gutted that basically all of Hamilton’s population will enjoy a free event, paid for partly by their rates. Will the Dodgeball event have as many teams entering as last time? Yes Definitely – in fact, it will have more, as rumour has it the event will have an Israeli team, representing the state of Israel, taking on a Palestinian team, representing the not-quite state of Palestine. The winner gets the Middle East. Will the University ever sort their shit out when it comes to that thesis thing? Yes, definitely – it will also welcome back all the people it laid off, restore all discontinued papers, hire competent staff, and become the new Harvard. Oops, I appear to have left my sarcasm mode on. Does John Key kill kittens? You may rely on it – but he only does it to prove a Keynesian point, so that underclassy people may have jobs picking up kitten corpses.

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Everything you’d expect from your favourite free weekly student magazine + much more!

FINALLY! visit nexus online for: • extended articles • features • comments & feedback • competitions • letters to the editor • up-to-the-minute news

• forums • archived issues - more added all the time! • busted pictures • exclusive online content • streaming music from contact FM

Some features yet to be implemented. Site is a work in progress, and is subject to change without warning.

ISSUE 4 - 23 March 2009

any question or queries email news@nexus-npl.co.nz

Death-Defying Deviants to Dominate Dodgeball Deathmatch Nexus team dared to dress all in drag By Penny Wilson Excitement was rampant at Nexus HQ following the arresting announcement that the second annual WSU Dodgeball Tournament is back and better than ever. The tournament, originally to be held last Wednesday, has been rescheduled in order to accommodate the needs of numerous cricket fans and viciously hungover Saint Patrick’s Day revellers. WSU Director AJ, a stalwart of the tournament, said the date change was a blessing as it would enable teams to concentrate and deliver some “heavily competitive, no-holds-barred Dodgeball”. The tournament will also be handsomely endowed with a raft of prizes, including best dressed, numerous spot prizes from ZM, Liquor King, Domino’s, WSU and the ultimate prize of a $150 bar tab at Bar 101.

A Dodgeball team is composed of between five to seven players, at least one of which must be female (at time of writing, blokes in dresses did not count but it’s always worth a crack and good for a laugh), who then pass

“highlights on the day will include the couch grandstand; dress choices of the participants; free sausages to mix up with the balls and vital BYO ﬂuids to better enjoy the afternoon sun. It’s all about the Balls on the 26th March!” the hat around, hassle their parents or sell their flatmate’s gaming equipment to raise the $35 entry fee (or $5 each for a team of seven), payable to the WSU. AJ also said “highlights on the day will include the couch grandstand; dress choices of the

participants; free sausages to mix up with the balls and vital BYO fluids to better enjoy the afternoon sun. It’s all about the Balls on the 26th March!” Nexus’s devilishly sexy reporters are also eagerly awaiting the opportunity to interview participants and photograph the tournament, ensuring palpable (and sultry) media presence to aid players, and the WSU, in their pursuit of glory, not to mention funds for this year’s Uni Games. The previous year’s tournament winners, as well as the team that rocked the fluorescent lycra ensemble styles, have gone on to enjoy deservedly awe-inspiring notoriety for their ball-handling prowess, with some, emboldened by their Dodgeball toughness, even managing to successfully woo members of the opposite sex.

Goodness gracious, great balls of fire The zeppelins are back! By Jason Sebestian The most popular spectacle in Hamilton returns this week, with over 30 hot-air balloons taking to the air over five exciting days. Balloons over Waikato will be held from Wednesday 25 March to Sunday 29 March by the Hamilton Lake every morning. But the biggest event is always the Earth Hour NightGlow Show on Saturday 28 March at the Waikato University field. This year approximately 30 balloons will be setting to the skies over Hamilton. Among the new shapes this year, is Lucy the Ladybug, Mr. Bup the Turtle and The Cake, a gigantic version of a birthday cake. Rides cost $290, lasting an hour for all persons eight years and older. Admissions to view the balloons and to the NightGlow is course free. One could also just view the balloons as they make their way all across the Waikato skies every morning.

The best part of the event is a must-see. The NightGlow event will be held at the sports field in Uni. From 4.00 pm to 9.30 pm, a series of showcases and performances will be held for an estimated audience of at least 80,000 people. Pluto, the home-grown Kiwi band, will be perfoming beside other iconic groups such as the Waikato Rivertones and the Hamilton Community Gospel Choir. Once the balloons are inflated, organisers promise a stunning light and sound show following a birthday theme celebrating the event’s 10th anniversary. Following that will be a five minute fireworks spectacular. This year’s event promises to be even bigger than last year, as it will be fused with the Earth Hour 2009, a worldwide stand against climate change. At around 8.30 pm, all lights will be switched off, for an hour’s entertainment at the venue. The organisers, anticipating a huge

number of people to attend the NightGlow event have undertaken the effort to provide extra parking of up to 5000 spaces at Ruakura Road as well as extra buses. Food and drinks can be purchased at the event on site. This year’s event is primarily backed by the University of Waikato and the WEL Energy Trust. Being a charitable trust, organisers urge any members of the public to donate generously during the event. Further instructions for donations can be found on the event’s website. This year’s proceeds will go to Camp Quality, a charity that runs regular camps and activities for children with cancer. Don’t hesitate to attend any of the events over the five days, not just for the great fun and entertainment or the chance to take a peek at the balloons but also to support a good cause.

LARP da durp da derp da darp Real nerds, real life By Grant Burns Knightshade Realms held its bi-monthly LARPing (Live Action Role Playing) event at the Hamilton Gardens last Saturday evening which saw everything from an ancient stone god to elves careening around the forest. Saturday’s tournament consisted of two teams: the protagonists and the crew. The protagonists are people who pay $10 to be the ‘heroes’ of the game and quest around the maze encountering demons, dragons, and everything else in between. Each person is their own character in the game with separate special powers, attacks, and hit points. “I watched role models and I wanted to try it in real life, so here I am,” said Daniel, a friendly medieval battle knight. The crew are people who are a part of the New Zealand LARP society and make sure the game

runs smoothly and fairly. The crew members pay $3 a game and fill in every other character that needs to be included such as orcs, villagers, and abominable rock men. “Think of it as extras in a movie, some have speaking roles and others stay silent,” said David, who has been LARPing in New Zealand since 1988.

To reiterate a point, this is not a joke. LARPing LARPing is a mix of amateur acting and real life World of Warcraft, all in the pursuit of genuine fun. Knightshade Realms (or Diatribe) is the Hamilton-based chapter and it is a non-profit organisation. “We’re here to have some fun, not to make money off it. Most of us here (the crew) have travelled from Auckland at our own expense,” said Jason the Game Master. The game is run throughout the Hamilton Gardens which is an excellent background for anything mystical, and out of perception

Bogan beer

The best kind of beer By Grant Burns Local bogan and psychology student David Snell has become somewhat of a Whakachang celebrity for his unique “Boganology,” study – and now he’s achieved bogan Nirvana: featuring in a beer bottle cap question. The question ‘What is David Snell famous for?’ has become one of the under-lid questions on Waikato Draught bottles. The answer: “receiving a scholarship for studying bogans”, is common Waikato lore. Nexus caught up with Dave (who already works for Nexus, writing as “Burton C Bogan,” so basically I just yelled at him across the office) about how he thought of being a ‘Waikato celebrity’. “I thought it was awesome to be on a bottle cap,” said Dave. I then asked him if he

from the public eye. Average running time is about two hours, give or take, encompassing unexpected injuries (see feature). All costumes are provided by the game master and everyone a part of it is transformed head to toe into mythical beings from far off lands.

actually drinks Waikato. “No, I don’t. I drink Lion Red,” said Dave. Hmm… how ironic. Nexus then tried to talk to someone at Lion Nathan Breweries about why they chose to use Dave as a booze question. After being referred from countless corporate clones to useless office-bitch bureaucrats, no one could tell me exactly why they used Dave the Bogan as an alcohol fuelled inspiration. The recognition of Dave’s feat is in fact great publicity for Waikato Uni as a whole, even if we are doomed to be referred to as ‘the university where that bogan guy studies/ sacrifices.’ So, next time you are necking back some cold Whakachangs, say cheers, salute, and have a drink on Dave.

has been going on in New Zealand since 1986 and even longer overseas. There are even official LARPing rule books which are enforced by the Game Master. If you’re interested about getting amongst it or are just curious, then search: www.nzlarps.org or www.diatribe. co.nz. The nexus feature article this week is also on LARPing. Check out page 18 for an in-depth account which saw first-time LARPer Art Focker badly injured by a wayward spell. No, really.

Collective groan at mature students By Ira Lastic

A LAWS 121 class has become so infuriated by the incessant questioning of one of its mature members, it has decided to render its disgust with a loud, collective groan. The 9am lecture began airing its disgust when it became clear Janet Sampson, 54, would not shut the fuck up about anything not connected to the subject being taught. Sources claim Sampson would raise her hand “each and every time” one of the three course teachers would take a breath to enquire about

against the desk, mouthing things like ‘I’m gonna fuck you up, grandma’—they were not happy.” In perhaps the only time this publication will dabble in anything remotely investigative, Nexus sent along a volunteer to sit a row behind Mrs. Sampson and make note of the times she raised her hand. Ten minutes into the 90-minute lecture, she had already asked 13.5 questions. Six were more or less blatant rewordings of

“The younger generation need to learn that us old fuddy duddies take a little bit longer to learn. We can’t all be sprouty sprout sprouts!” In response to Sampson’s incomprehensible gibberish, LAWS 121 members were unremitting in their hatred. “We get, like, a 15 minute break, yeah? And I wanna go ask Whatshisname at the front about Maori succeeding sovereignty, but before I get to the front, there’s Gladys suckin’ all his air telling him about how she weeded the garden over the

“some meaningless detail that anyone with a pair of working ears could probably explain.” “That old bitch is ruining everything,” said Max Hamilton, 18. “I’m trying to remember what the three articles of the Treaty of Waitangi are, and she’s asking the guy at the front what the Treaty of Waitangi is. It’s like she’s never learned anything ever.” The decision for the class to articulate its feelings of anguish and despair through a loud, piercing groan was something conjured through an innate sense of overwhelming bitterness. “I was just looking around the room at all these angry faces,” said Kylie Smith, 19. “People were screwing up bits of paper, tapping their fingers, banging their heads

the original question, “What is the Treaty of Waitangi?” Seven related to the names of the lecturer’s children, the motivation for each name, and whether or not they “ate all their din dins.” The last 0.5 may have had something to do with how “easy peasy” cooking a wholesome stir fry was, but Sampson was cut off midsentence by an irate student in the fifth row screaming, “DIE! JUST FUCKING DIE! HOLY GOD IN HEAVEN ROLL OVER AND DIE!” When asked about her classmates’ furious reaction towards her, Sampson was surprised. “They’re booing at me? Deary dear… I thought they were groaning at having to do more homework!” she chuckled.

weekend,” said Michael Rickards, an Orchard Park resident. “You can tell he just wants her to fuck off and let him go to the bathroom, but that woman is relentless,” added Amanda Smith, 18. “She’s like the bad guy from Terminator II. You could blow her head off with a shouldermounted laser beam and she’d still find a way to talk about her grandson’s painting,” said Richard Mackson, 19. “Fuck her and fuck her sprouts,” Rickards said. No one from the Law Faculty would talk to Nexus about Mrs. Sampson, but in a statement released hours before going to print, an anonymous source from within Law wrote, “They should be grateful she’s not in their tutorials.” “But if she is, may god have mercy on their souls.”

Rival free paper threatens Nexus Don’t worry, it’s not as good… By Grant Burns The Waikato Times is teaming up with Waikato University in a bid to encourage more young people to read newspapers, by distributing the Times on campus free of charge. During the whole of A semester, the free paper promotion will be situated throughout the campus at designated news stalls. The main initiative of the plan is to “create a new generation of newspaper readers.” Head of Corporate Services, Raymond McNickle, told the Waikato Times “that student experience has been identified as one of Waikato’s real points of difference and we are continuing to build on that.”

According to the Times’ research, most young people access their news online. The new free paper scheme is hoping to refresh popularity in a fading medium by making it easily accessible to students.

thing, and that Nexus didn’t see the Times as a competitor. “I don’t see any problems. We can happily exist in the same environment. It’s not like they have Lord Bhfulu’s puzzle page, either.”

To see how the free Waikato Times’ scheme would fly, I asked a fellow Nexus reader on their opinion. “I think it’s a great idea, but it’s not substitute for Nexus…ever!” said Caitlyn, a loyal Nexite.

Waikato University and Waikato Times are obstinate on sustainability and all students who read these free newspapers are encouraged to recycle them in the bins provided.

Nexus Editor Josh Drummond said that anything that got people involved in monitoring the news media was a good

So, enjoy the free Times papers while they last, but always remember – Nexus is watching you.

Vault

“Staff at both the Hamilton East and city central WINZ were visibly shaken and stirred as they locked themselves in the back rooms as security and police barred the entrances”

Rankin Needs a Spankin’ – Issue 5 28 March 2000 By Grant Burns Over one hundred students marched through Hamilton Central last Thursday to protest against WINZ and its incompetence, calling for CEO Christine Rankin to resign. The protest began outside the Hamilton East WINZ office which kept its doors firmly locked and situated security staff and police to stop anyone trying to break in. But, as the protest gathered momentum towards the city centre, police blocked the protesters from marching down Victoria Street. “You either give us five minutes to walk up Victoria Street or we wait here and block the street for half an hour,” said protest organiser Heather Lyall. After a tense stand off, the protesters chose to march along the pavement while at the same time hurling abuse at the police. One of the protesters was carrying a placard reading “Rankin needs Spankin!”

After marching down Victoria Street pavement, the protesters assembled at the Hamilton City Council where they then called on councillors to pass a motion asking the government to fire WINZ chief executive Christine Rankin.

country have had terrible experiences with WINZ including 1600 Canterbury students being unable to enrol/ begin studying because WINZ hadn’t processed their applications in time.

The protest eventually ended up outside the central WINZ headquarters. Staff at both the Hamilton East and city central WINZ were

In another case, a postgraduate student from Waikato was denied her loan and living costs because WINZ thought she was in jail. “I know

visibly shaken and stirred as they locked themselves in the back rooms as security and police barred the entrances.

this sounds silly, but are you in prison?” asked the WINZ staff member. The postgraduate student, who has never been to prison – let alone had a speeding ticket – in her life, was shocked and appalled.

Protest organiser Heather Lyall said Thursday’s protest was “a great start” and “was just the beginning.” The origins of the protest stem from the epitome of every student’s conscience – free education. Also, in relation to this demand, many tertiary students from all over the

These cases and the bid for free tertiary education have led to protests which seem like they will continue regularly throughout the country. Thursday’s protest in Hamilton was covered extensively by Prime Television and the New Zealand Herald.

The Nexus Haiku News By Drummond-san

Baby born on plane, found in toilet “Oh my god, look at This turd! – I fucking hate Disgusting airline food” Volcanic eruption disrupts NZ flights Volcano bothers planes From pilot’s seats, attendants Remove brown stains Kiwis optimistic about riding out recession - survey One day “optimistic,” Next day “sky is falling.” Make up your damn mind! AIG chief says some have started paying back bonuses Bonuses demanded by

Contract – If execs don’t get them, they’ll sue. Waikato ratepayers stump up $12m for Hamilton Airport debts Council’s stance: Taking your money to buy Nice shiny white elephant Outrageous Fortune’ stars named NZ’s sexiest TV celebs TV Guide spills Robyn Malcolm is now New Zealand’s sexiest MILF. Heavenly sex gets Alabama locals in a lather If only this story Reflected headline: Angels boning rednecks.

Survey finds 25pc of students sexually solicited online The real horror: 95% of those submissions Come from sex robots.

East Hamilton Police Burglary & Vehicle Crime Report 9th - 15th March 2009

Last week 13 burglaries occurred and two vehicles were either stolen or broken into in the Hamilton East area. Their locations are shown on the map.

left the vehicle with the stereo head unit and the keys and calmly walked off.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pleasing to see that burglaries and car crime has reduced since the previous week. Though only 13 burglaries occurred (just under two a day), this still can come down by using a bit of common sense and better security around your flat.

Question from the POLICE: How often do you disturb people doing this and do you report it or tell your other flatmates? If this does happen to you, call Police immediately on 111 and report it.

Here are the circumstances to a break-in that occurred in Ford St, off Cameron Rd.

From the 13 burglaries that occurred, 8 laptops were taken with several TVs, iPods and digital cameras.

The female offender walked onto the property and then inside through the unlocked front door of the flat. She walked into the lounge and picked up the car keys that were on the table. She left the flat, went outside and started the Subaru which was parked outside on the lawn. The owner heard his car and saw the female inside. As he shouted out to her, she replied she was looking for her boyfriend. The female then

Information on how to protect your home is available from the East Hamilton Community Policing Centre on Clyde St. If you have any information that might help Police with these burglaries, please call the University Constable, Nick Sickelmore. Nicholas. Sickelmore@police.govt.nz

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LETTER OF THE WEEK

Who knew it wasn’t? Dear first years, This is university, not a finishing school for hookers. When you are on campus, please wear shorts that are a semi-decent length. This O’week I’ve seen more wobbly thighs than I have ever seen in my life, and I live near a KFC. The free fake tan does not hide your stretch marks, it makes you look like a prototype cyborg who hasn’t had the wires in her legs properly circuited. Waikato University’s not fucking ready for A.I. There’s nothing wrong with being larger than the average girl. There is something wrong with wearing a skirt or shorts that make your legs look like they’re going through the sausage making process. High heels make your legs look smashing! They also make your legs look smashable, you can’t fight back your legs are broken. We’re here to learn, not plan rape attacks on first years. Save it for the Outback and leave your clear, 9 inch stilettos’ with your pet goldfish in the heels at home. When one of you falls down the S block stairs, guess who has to deal with OSH. On a more positive note (by positive, I mean beneficial for me); whilst embarking on your

weekly Vodka Cruiser fuelled penis missions, please wear your “super cute dress that you like totally got on sale at Supre for only $13!!!” First of all, it makes me look a hundred bucks. Yes, my dress is a skirt and I got it from an op-shop in Invercargill for $1, but compared to you this shit looks like Chanel bitches. Secondly, you’re “Operation Filter”. Fornication with members of the opposite sex is wonderful, but it’s even better when you’ve eliminated the ones that can’t spell Chlamydia, or STI… Congrats – the bargain dress was a complete; he’ll be up in your guts in no time. Luckily this next comment was a onetime observation, and I can’t even be certain you are a first year. Regardless, what kind of Paris Hilton worshipping fuck-wit brings a pedigree poodle-type-thing to university? I’m going to steal your dog, sell it for rent money, and force you to eat the “chocolates” I find in the bottom of your hand-bag. What will you be more afraid of, that it’s shit or calories? Does it matter? You’re going to wear your favourite shorts anyway. Rant over. Kim

And now, for some sunshine and light To Nexus I am writing in the hope that the wonderful person who found and handed in my scooter key on Tuesday is reads this mag, so that I can tell them how grateful I am that they did. I did not enjoy at all loading Scooty into my boyfriend’s van and taking it home that way, (a little concerned that nobody asked us what we were doing though...) nor did I enjoy finding out what I would have to pay to get a new ignition, so thank you, whoever you are, you’ve made my week, and saved me alot of money, and a long walk to class :-) Thanks again, Jodie

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

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TXTS TO THE EDITOR! Nexus now has a non-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. They can be about anything – but if it’s something in the magazine, so much the better. We’ll print the best ones, so get texting! Texts should include a name to attribute them to. Text of the week wins a mystery prize! (Oh yeah, and if you win? Come in and claim it at the office) Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Busted-type situations to 021 235 8436. Can you do it? Yes you can! LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter you must use your real name, unless there’s a damn good reason. Send letters to editor@nexusmag. co.nz

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Dear Editor

Dear Nexus Readers

I was wondering why WSU didn’t do anything for Saint Patrick’s Day. I heard they have a keg of beer left over from the Oh-Weak shout (the one they had on the Friday of OWeek was mostly froth) and word is there was a last minute proposal to simply give out bags of potatoes, with traditional potato recipes to stem the hungry/financial woes of students. Considering the origin of the Vice Chancellor, and the Chancellor having SPUD for a nickname, that is classic irony. Please WSU, you are our union, remember the people, and engage us where you can at every opportunity. Yours Green with Envy

It’s possible they didn’t do anything because every damn pub in the world did instead, (and they were originally going to have Dodgeball the following day – it’s now been moved to the 25th.) It’s not like people were short on St Patricks Day events. The keg, I’m told, is being saved for an actual student event. Keep an eye out. Out of interest, why did you object to your name being published? I don’t know why you’re so shy – Ed.

As a student and a human I do not like United Video. I’m not entirely sure why and I’ve done no research in this area but as a knee-jerk reaction I’ve started a petition against them. If people are as confused as I am as to the nature of this petition then I can sum it up by saying that it’s to stop the spread of kiddy porn. I have nothing to substantiate my claim, but I’ll do what it takes to get 40,000 signatures. If anyone contacts my superiors about this petition they will deny all knowledge about this “alleged” state of affairs. If you too are as clueless as I am and don’t mind lying to get what you want – sign my petition at: thisisnotarealemailaddress@hotmail.com. Thankyou Concerned Citizen

One Ring to Binder them

Allan went to a Service Station and paid $20 for petrol. The assistant put the petrol in and called out it was $50 worth. Anthony couldn’t pay the extra. The service station took his licence number and said he was liable for the extra petrol. The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 0800FORCAB (0800 367 222). By the way a contract was made with the Service Station when Allan paid the $20. The service station made the mistake. Allan should contact the Service Station’s Customer Service Centre.

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I’m busting for the toilet, must be brief. Campus Copy! are you reading this? i hope you are. Because I had to buy quite a lot of course readings and it would be nice if you could please punch holes in the correct place in the sides so that normal people like me can fit them into normal ringbinders! Stop sneakily trying to make money by forcing us to buy your special folders etc etc. That is my rant, oh and ‘concerned student’ some practical research may be the key to establishing whether or not girls with little titties are more apt to ‘have fun’ (play scrabble/tiddlywinks or sexytime??) than their mammary-endowed counterparts… I would suggest heading to Outback Inn at about 2:50am to recruit willing test subjects. From a Girl with small Titties

Most moronic letter I’ve seen yet, from fuckheads Dear all past and present University of Waikato

8th stop: The University of Waikato = Chasing

it how it is (usually!) and because of my experiences

students who have contributed a fuck load of fees in

cheeky little Rapiti’s! = Stumbling across a pre set

such as the day in the life of the dole bludger I reap

order to achieve goals in which many can only dream

up Marquee! = Chur that would go mean in the

the rewards of life skills and am able to use these

of. Thank you for paying this fuck load of money to

back yard! = 2 extremely intoxicated and blazed

as bridges into the children’s worlds. Understanding

better yourselves as well as Aotearoa the country we

motherfuckers managing to walk off with a $1000

these worlds is important in order to form positive

all love. Most of all thank you for putting up with the

6m by 3m heavy as fuck white marquee!

relationships which lead to effective teaching and

many useless cunt’s who get handed $150 + each

Impossible? Nothings impossible if you put your mind

learning.

week to sit around smoking many a joints, drinking

to it! (“McFarkland 2009, p. 123, the Educultural

So if I’m a fuckhead than I dread imagining what you

many a beers, and breeding many a times like filthy

Square”).

call the real criminals!

fucken foreskin roll back flies.

9th stop: Aunty Bery’s room! = Just to make sure!

Oh and about the Marquee! Piss up at 22 Hogan

This week’s edition of Uni Life relates to the many

Waking up in the morning and realizing you have

Street Thursday night! Free keg and Marquee! Seems

useless cunt’s on the dole as well as being my way of

fuck all money to buy the weeks food for the 5 kids

as the WSU organize fuck all student parties! Even

apologizing for stealing from each of you as well as

you already have = Priceless.

thought it’s our money that was spent on buying the

my self.

So as I sit here shaded by this white Marquee. Pen

Marquee!

On Monday the 2nd of March (first night of Oweek)

in my left hand, joint in my right. I feel sad followed

Lots of love Dutchee Holar and H.S.E representatives!

myself and some other fuckheads decided we would

by a large amount of guilt and cuntyness protruding

This following was handwritten on the original copy:

live the life of a useless dole bludging cunt for the

from my heart. Though at the same time I feel a

If published as is the marquee will be promptly

day. The following is an ever so brief description of

larger amount of confusion and anger. Why am I

returned without a scratch

this fine day and night.

contributing money for a Marquee? Why wasn’t

And if cunt is too inapropriate replace with bum.

1st stop: Money machine = $150 drawn out = Feeling

that $1000 spent on purchasing five hundred 308

Cunt=bum

like a high rolla!

rounds to put in the heads of Aoteroa’s worst 500

Cunts=bums

2nd stop: Piss store = Box of Steiny’s and a pack of

dole bludging and cunty criminals? Who in turn cause

Cuntyness=bumyness

Paul Mall 20s = $34 = Yeaaha on the piss nigga!

a fuckhead amount more grief to innocent people

Etc

3rd stop: Mei Waaaa’s Takeaways = 2 scoops of chips,

than I do!

2 fish, punnet of kina and one whole live battered eel

Lastly, I would like to apologize to those people on

Okay. Let me get something off my chest.

without its raincoat = $18 = Fucken mean feed boy!

the dole who are genuine and for any racist, insulting,

What the fuck is wrong with you!?

4th stop: Our Whare = On the piss! Bob and 50

stereo type language included in my literature which

Right. Where do I start? If this is a piss-take, it’s

raging owt of the stereo! Half a box down! Fuck

may have offended you whilst you read this week’s

terrible. You need to do some research into being

forgot to get us sum buds cuz!

edition of Uni Life. I am a 2nd year student studying

funny. If it’s not a piss-take, it’s terrible. Did you come

5th stop: Tinny house = Uncle Shane = 2 tinnies =

to become a primary school teacher. I am passionate

here in a time machine from 1980s South Africa

$40 = Spots on when we get home bo!

about teaching as I feel that I am able to help children

or something? I’m not printing this atrocity in full

6th stop: Our Whare again: Stoned az fuck! Drunk

who are brought into this world without love and

because of your asinine offer to “return the marquee

az fuck!

a chance at succedding in today’s society. They are

without a scratch,” I’m doing it to point out to

7th stop: Aunty Beryl’s bedroom = Fuck no conny! =

children who are stuck in a cruel cycle revolving

everyone at Waikato the sad truth that morons walk

Oh well fuck it! – Baby in 9 months! = Useless cunt of

around poverty and crime. The idea of the person

amongst us. This is the worst letter I’ve ever seen, and

a Dole bludger in 18 years according to most stats! =

who wrote this becoming a teacher may shock you

that’s saying something. Congratulations, idiots. You

Oh well Fuck it (Literally)!

due to my foul language and extremist ideas but I tell

are truly, truly stupid – Ed.

WUI #2.

A new prophet ariseth!

Dear Nexus, Horace Balnket started life at 90%. Having been born without a left thumb would make it all the more stranger when his right one killed him. Now however, Horace was blissfully unaware of his future. He was still at an age when your surprised at just how big your shadow now is. Horace liked his shadow: another nine fingered friend enjoying the sunlight. The shadow could be twisted to sit just how Horace liked. Sometimes you couldnt even see the missing bits. Sometimes you couldnt tell the difference between it and a bar of soaps shadow, and Horace liked that. But shadows dont like the dark, and soon enough neither did Horace.

Last night, as I lay sleeping, I was awoken by the sound of heavenly song. I arose to gaze upon the visage most delicious of the one true Flying Spaghetti Monster. He was bathed in light, and a most wondrous bolognaise sauce. He reached forth with his noodly appendage and spoke: “Alfred! Alfred! You are charged with a sacred mission; go out into the world, and spread the good news of my coming in majesty and ground parmesan. Many will shun you, but for their sins, potatoes shall they eat, and they shall be fed on rice; and they shall not know of the succulent taste of meatballs. Tell the faithful, I will be with them always, and those that believe in me shall not go off. In this life and the next.” And so it shall be, all who have faith in the Flying Spaghetti Monster shall not expire, but have eternal refrigeration, from this day forth, until the coming of the Almighty’s Microwave Oven is restored upon this earth, when the faithful shall be reheated, and the unfaithful binned” Accept His Noodly Magnificence into your heart, into your soul, and you shall be free forever and ever. R’Amen. Alfred de Parma

By His Noodly Appendage:

the One True Religion-Faith of the Flying Spaghetti Monster By Harleif Skankhammer II

The Flying Spaghetti Monster, the creator, is more ancient than time itself; he created the earth and the heavens. All that walks swims and grows came from him, and he made man to spread the word of His glory through the First United Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster. We, the followers in the way of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, believe that we are the followers of the one true religion. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is not a jealous god; He does not smite those who worship false gods, for He knows they shall not join Him in paradise in the Lake of Mead which lies in the middle of the Valley of Deliciousness. Throughout the ages, there have been many sects of FSMism spread throughout the world. The most ancient of these are the Piratians. They are followers of the first prophet: The Captain Mosey. Mosey was himself converted to FSMism through the miracle of Marco Polo, who performed an exorcism of an epileptic demon from the child Mosey by placing cold noodles upon his head. The demon is fabled to have materialised into meatballs, which were cast into the sea. The Flying Spaghetti Monster later appeared to Mosey, and told him to take up a sea-faring life with a brigade of Buccaneers harboured in his home town. The next most prevalent sect of FSMism is the Reformed Church of Alfredo. Little is known about The Reformed Church of Alfredo other than that they follow the prophet Alfredo de Spag-Hetti, a warrior who had terrible visions of the end of days. He foretold that at “the

imminent end of all things, the Great Sauce Dump, in which both unbelievers and pirates alike shall be awash in the bottomless Lake of Noodleless Meat Sauce.” The Reformed Church of Alfredo is also rumoured to have given rise to a shadowy ultra-conservative sect of hermetic warrior monks called Pastafarians, who dress only in black, and seek to purify the world of the Piratian menace in accordance with the clandestine creeds on Nin’Jah Pastafari. No records exist of the Pastafarians for the past 200 years, and it is believed they have since been completely wiped out by the Third Piratian Armada in the early 19th Century. In contemporary times, the third most important arm of FSMism was born: Moominism. The Moomins are a fundamentalist sect of FSMinists. Through intense study of The FSM scriptures, Joseph Moomin discovered what he believed to be the true nature of The Flying Spaghetti Monster. The scriptures speak only of The Flying Spaghetti Monster’s noodly appendages, and not of His Almighty Sauce, nor His Fearful Meatballs. The Moominist Church of His Spaghettiness is best known for its follower’s distaste for mortal flesh. They place great emphasis and pride on their chastity and vegetarianism. The Moominists believe they are the favoured followers of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, and that the Piratians and Alfredans worship a false idol: The Flying Spaghetti Bolognaise Monster.

Do you, too, have a Rant you’d like to get off your chest and into the Rant of the Week? Send your rantings (relative coherence preferred) to editor@nexusmag. co.nz

A direct opposition to the FSM Faith has recently sprung up from the deeps, in much the same way as zombies do: the Anti-Church of Lord Bhfulu. This dark, tentacled, beclawed entity claims to be God of all Burgers and Harbinger of Beef, and calls upon his midnight children to obliterate all forms of Pasta and replace them with Buns. This does not worry true FSM believers, as it is foretold that at the end of all times, FSM himself will battle Bhfulu and cast him, humiliated, into the bottomless farm-pit where he will be trampled forever under the hooves of billions upon billions of slaughtered cattle. While divided fundamentally, many of the Churches of The Flying Spaghetti Monster recite the creed of Ishmali Camuwundra (Pasta Be Upon Him), the thirteenth prophet of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, through whom it is said The Flying Spaghetti Monster spoke through to his peoples of the world: “Let us sing praise to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, for He is a loving God. Of His might and dominion, there is no compare; of His mercy and deliciousness, there is no equal. No other god can challenge Him; in the taste test, He is invincible. Through His pasta, He has blessed us with everlasting life, and holy is His Name. For He is the Flying Spaghetti Monster: the One, True, and Most High God, creator of man and midget, giver of pasta, giver of sauce, from age to holy age; not created He was, but ever He lives, through the glory of spaghetti, now and forever. R’Amen.” 17

“Orcs and hobbits battle ancient gods and cult members, ridding graveyards of reanimated corpses and saving fair maidens from goblins and bandits”

Things that go LARP in the night by Art Focker

Agony Art was beaten up by nerds on the night of the 14th of March and he’s totally fine with that. Hamilton Gardens are a peaceful place. They’re a place where families go for picnics and stoners go for a cheeky smoke. Its beautifully tended gardens exhibit flora from various regions of the world and create a rich, green tapestry in which to wander on a lazy Sunday afternoon. It’s a place where Orcs and hobbits battle ancient gods and cult members, ridding graveyards of reanimated corpses and saving fair maidens from goblins and bandits. “What?” you say. Oh yes. On a Friday not too long ago, in the middle of the Hamilton Gardens, I donned a cape, grabbed a sword and took part in a human sacrifice with the intentions of giving life to an ancient stone god. I actually did. Part way through the sacrifice, however, we were attacked by a group of adventurers and we did battle. I ran an ogre thing through a few times before being hacked to death by an Orc and a hobbit. While fleeing the carnage, I fell down a set of stairs and almost broke my arm. But I’ll get to that a little later on. “Seriously, Art”, you say. “What the hell are you talking about?” Just this: When certain cosmic elements come together just right, actual people with actual jobs emerge from their homes and spend a Saturday night running around a public park near you, waving foam swords at each other and casting a variety of spells at their foes. This will most likely sound pretty nerdy to most of you out there in image-conscious student land, but I can assure you of this: it’s a hell of a lot of

fun. You’re also probably imagining a cluster of overweight, acne-laden geeks who have never talked to a real girl and download Hentai porn by the gigabyte. Well, you’re wrong on that account too. There were some pretty hot girls there. One was painted green and chased me down some stairs with a giant axe. Another one had perfect red hair and a giant wand with trees growing on the end of it or something. It wasn’t her real hair, but it was still pretty hot. This activity is called LARPing, which stands for ‘live action role-playing’. It’s an outdoor version of World of Warcraft. Instead of sitting behind a keyboard and telling a little computer generated character what to do, you actually dress up and run around, waving perfectly safe foam swords at whomever you want. It’s make believe, but with rules. Complex, confusing rules at times, but rules none the less. There’s no “I stabbed you!”, “No you didn’t!” “Yes I did!” There is a guy called the Game Master (GM), whose job it is to stop people being dicks as far as I can tell. The fighting is pretty simple. A hit to the arm or leg is worth 1 point, while one to the torso is worth 2 points. Honesty is a big part of the game, but so is not being a dick. For this reason, I did not meet any dicks at this event. If I were to go to a rugby match or even just a pub, there’d definitely be a dick or two about. Having played table top war games, there’s definitely more than a few dicks at those events. I’ve never played any kind of collectible card game, but they look like they’d be dicks. LARP, however, had a serious dearth of dicks. A dick famine, if you would. Everyone played

by the rules, got into it and was not anal about anything. The GM for this particular LARP was a pretty nice, normal human called Jared, who runs a LARP (Knightshade) out of Auckland. Apart from his boots, sword and mace he was just like you and me. Other people I met at the LARP were accountants, IT guys, students of every type and even good looking girls. Did I mention the girls already? Well, yeah, but I’m still really surprised by their attendance. Jared has been into LARP since the late 1990s and before that played a bit of Dungeons and Dragons. “I read Lord of the Rings at age 10 which set me on the path of the fantasy world”, he says. Now everyone’s seen at least one of the films, but who can honestly say they’ve read the whole book? The thing’s a bastard, and about as fast-paced as a stripper in a wheelchair. So reading it at 10 years of age is a pretty big deal. It’s like getting the job as a stripper while you’re in a wheelchair. Jared started his own LARP in August of last year, combining his own rules with adapted ones from Quest, Hamilton’s own LARP. Quest was started by one Alista Fow of Waikato University and began in Hamilton in the late 1980s and early 1990s, completely from scratch. His game started off with just him and ended up getting as many as thirty people show up semi-regularly at its height. They didn’t allow players to be evil characters and didn’t take LARPing terribly seriously – “putting light-hearted, Pythonesque spins on epic fantasy battles makes for a fun game, though,” Alista told me. It was the days before the internet and Alista had no sources for his 19

“Apart from his boots, sword and mace he was just like you and me. Other people I met at the LARP were accountants, IT guys, students of every type and even good looking girls.”

game, so he created rules, props and costumes completely from scratch

Another type of person who LARP attracts is the “dress-ups”. These

to use in the game. Before you pseudo-jocks and tight-jeans-wearing hipsters decide to find whoever started this game in the first place and beat him up in order to gain some cool points with whatever social clique you’re jonesing to be a part of this week, you might want to listen to this. LARP was not started by a singular person. In the 1970s and early 1980s, all over the world, different people started LARPing. Just like civilisation, it spread across the world from as many as a dozen different places almost simultaneously, ranging from Washington D.C. to London to Australia. This might not seem so impressive today, but you have to realise that this is a time before the internet and the sharing of ideas across the world took a lot longer than it does today. It’s almost as if some cosmic force came to Earth and brought LARP with them. Dungeons and Dragons, a role playing game spent around a table with lots of statistic sheets and twenty-sided dice rolls, is the single biggest factor in the birth of LARP. People grew tired of sitting around tables and rolling dice and wondered whether they could do what they were doing on paper in real life. LARP was born. Now it is a worldwide phenomenon. It’s not as big in New Zealand as it is in Europe and not just because of population numbers. In New Zealand, LARPs take place in gardens and parks, with people wandering through and asking players what it is they’re doing. In Europe you can rent a castle, fill it with a couple hundred LARPers and let ‘er rip. I challenge any guy (and many girls) to say that running around a castle in Germany, wearing armour and waving a sword, would not be an assload of fun. “A bunch of different types of people attend LARPs,” Alista told me. “The most annoying are people called ‘power players’. They want to play LARP with god-mode on. They tweak the rules, create new rules and pretty much make themselves so tough that no one else has a chance of ever killing them. These people destroy LARP events. New players won’t

people love getting dressed up, but don’t really enjoy getting hit with foam swords so much, especially seeing they may have paid several hundred dollars for a medieval dress. They can play under their own set of rules, which separates them from combat but still gives them a part in the story as “non-player characters,” or NPCs. There were a few of these NPCs at the LARP I went to. Some were being villagers and looked well-awesome in their frilly sleeves and flowing dresses. It made me wonder if a drag queen would be welcome in LARP. Could I go and demand to be the fairy princess Esmeralda with +10 to my boobs?* Other people I saw who would probably fall into the ‘dress up’ category included three young women who were Fates or Furies or somesuch and they wore massive black robes with black masks. They stood there for an extended period, laughing by candlelight. While creepy, it seemed a little redundant. The only people watching them weren’t involved in the game. They kept up their characters until the actual players arrived. Actors, oddly enough, are also attracted to LARP. They get completely into the character and are almost exclusively Aucklanders. “They prefer playing with other actors, so they can experience a more ‘real’ role-play,” Alista told me. Truth be told, some of the role-play acting at Knightshade was pretty piss poor. On the level of a third form production of Les Miserables. At a school other than St Paul’s. The final group of characters Alista described were role-players. Roleplayers apparently attend role-playing games. Go figure. “These are the people who get into the spirit of the game, without going overboard like power players. They’re also terrified of being called power players.” Role players are the people who keep LARP going. Actors are too elitist when it comes to performance, ‘dress-ups’ don’t really get involved and power players are dicks. Alista told me of the golden days of LARP in Hamilton, when dozens of people would turn up regularly and everyone would have a good time. Banquets were held with people staying in character and eating medieval style food. Then something dreadful happened. “World of Warcraft,” Alista says, “stole a lot of players from LARP. Now people can sit in their own home and interact with people from all over the world, rather than just New Zealand.” World of Warcraft offers sweet 3D graphics, surround sound and beautiful landscapes. It is, to put it bluntly, way better than real life. Another bonus, not mentioned but implied, would be that no one would ever see you running through

want to come if they’re just going to get slaughtered by the same godlike guy over and over again. Veteran players will get sick of playing with someone who refuses to play at the same level as anyone else.” It sounds a lot like a super-advanced version of ball-tiggy in primary school: no one likes the bastard who refuses to acknowledge they’ve been hit by the ball. Eventually you just stop throwing the ball at them and they go to the corner of the field to cry like a bitch. Stupid eightyear-olds. 20

“I dragged myself along the concrete and got to safety, leaving a bona-fide trail of blood. Then a wizard and a warrior tended to my wounds.” “When certain cosmic elements come together just right, actual people with actual jobs emerge from their homes and spend a Saturday night running around a public park near you, waving foam swords at each other and casting a variety of spells at their foes.”

â&#x20AC;&#x153;People grew tired of sitting around tables and rolling dice and wondered whether they could do what they were doing on paper in real life. LARP was born.â&#x20AC;?

a forest waving a sword and yelling like a dickhead. Of course, I am all about that kind of thing, so when I came across a chance to join a group of Kiwi LARPers in Hamilton Gardens, I jumped at it. Newsboy Grant came too, to take notes and photos. Four hours after meeting up with the LARPers, exactly nothing had happened. A big problem I found while LARPing was waiting. Waiting

tall rubber suit, carved to look more or less like The Thing from the Fantastic Four. In it was a very sweaty young man. As soon as the adventurers got near, he put his head on and swung into action. I really mean swung. He could wave his arms round like a washing machine and wreck the shit of anyone who dared step within about a metre and a half of him. Slowly the adventurers picked us off one by

away, I dragged myself along the concrete and got to safety, leaving a bona-fide trail of blood. Then a wizard and a warrior tended to my wounds. A one eyed Dutch warrior! Oh, the jokes I could make….. but I digress. The next day at Angelsea they signed me up for some mean penicillin and put my arm in a sling. It’s not broken, but the final damage tally saw me with a sprained wrist and some worryingly impressive holes in my arms and torso. Feel

for the game to start. Then, once the game finally starts, waiting in your position while the characters muck around in a bush for half an hour. Waiting for someone to turn up with beer because you’re in a lot of pain and really just want to drink a bunch. I spent a couple of hours following the players around and watching them sword fight and throw magic at one another. Then Jared came over and asked if I wanted to be involved in the LARP proper. “Sure,” said I. “What’s the worst that can happen?” Fucking heaps, that’s what could happen. So wearing a borrowed cape and sword, I set forth to defend a stone god from the adventurers. The stone god was a seven foot

one until I was left alone, hiding behind the stone god. A tall woman painted green ran, grunting, at me with an axe, ready to finish me off. “Fuck this,” I yelled, turning as quickly as I could and running right toward a set of stairs I couldn’t quite see in the fading light. I fell as I ran, bouncing down four stairs and sliding a short distance over the concrete. At first I thought I was fine, until Tom Biesly ran up and poked me with his sword, yelling “You’re dead, bro! That was a sweet death!” I chuckled, but only as a way of letting those around me know I was still alive. Let people in capes and armed with swords see me cry? Never! Slowly, as the sounds of death faded

free to send me flowers anyway. I haven’t the slightest idea who “won,” although that’s probably not the point. The story played out as a story should, and the heroes probably won, as they do. I can report that much fun was had by all, even me – and seeing as I had expected to spend my time internally pointing and laughing, this is impressive. After the battle, we went back to the LARP lair of one of the guys. He had a wife. We drank alcohol and talked about LARP some more. I’m probably going to go again, only this time not fall to my death and leave little chunks of my arm all over the Hamilton Gardens.

Other LARP Events Around NZ Alf’s Imperial Army is possibly the most famous LARP group

Requiem happens on the first Saturday of each month in Auckland,

in New Zealand. They were founded in 1972 and dress like late 19th Century British soldiers, complete with redcoats and awesome facial hair. They’re not true LARPers in that they’re not specific characters, merely acting out a general idea. They’re also a pacifist warfare organisation, using paper swords and flour bombs. Alf’s Imperial Army are staunch monarchists and carry out attacks in the name of Queen Elizabeth II of New Zealand. Famous battles in the past include a large confrontation with the Republican Greens (made up of Green Party members) in Oamaru in 2000. They also fought a long campaign against the McGillicuddy Highland Army, Jacobites and general Queen-haters. The McGillicuddy Highland Army no longer exists, but was once based in the verdant foothills of Mt Pirongia.

on the grounds of Auckland University. This one is about vampires, werewolves and mages. Sounds a bit like Underworld from what I could find online. St Wolfgang’s is about a secret Catholic Order who hunt down the things that go bump in the night. You’re in medieval Europe and there’s undead things that need to be smashed in the dick. Will you help smash zombie/vampire/ghost dick? In May they’re running a weekend camp near Auckland, complete with food and costumes provided. Star Wars is an obvious story line. You play as rebels fighting the bad guys. Possibly the coolest one because you don’t use swords. You use laser guns bitches! Also: Star Wars is eternally awesome. Check out the Alf’s Imperial Army at www.alfs.hnpl.net. All the others can be found through www.nzlarps.org.

*Not that I would. It’s a hypothetical.

Pres Sez

by WSU President Ben Delaney …………Stress! So it’s around this time of year that people get stressed. In particular those who have fallen into the tried and true method of procrastination…… you know the thing; if there was an award for procrastination, you would put off collecting it. :). I myself have practiced the sacred art of procrastination mainly around the time this very column is due. But it is pleasing to see a large number of you who are not leaving things to the last minute with your studies and to you I say congratulations This week I have been attending a number of meetings (which is not unusual) including council, academic boards and the student experience taskforce pre establishment group. Meetings like these require me and the rest of your Directors to put forward a representative view on your behalf. The key point to this statement is that in order to do a good job for you we need to be informed of the issues you face. So don’t be shy to interact with us: tell

us your concerns…..to do this we have created Facebook and Bebo pages for the WSU, on which which we will post event photos and prizes. Befriend us! Other forums include coming up to our office, ringing us our ext is 4149 or emailing wsu@wsu. org.nz. My email is president@ wsu.org.nz. . So please feel free to get in touch with us.

Heard joke once: A sweet little girl is out in the back garden, digging a big deep hole. A neighbour looks over the fence and says: “Why are you digging that big deep hole?” “My goldfish died,” the sweet little girl says, crying. “I’m really sorry to hear that,” the neighbour says, “but why such a big deep hole for a goldfish?” The little girl gives him an evil look. “Because it’s inside your cat.”

Kia Kaha in your studies

Veep Speaks by Whetu

Kiaora Koutou Katoa, Welcome to week 4 of A semester. Has the reality set in? Yep, ‘round about now study is all about study. The best thing is that this side of the semester there’s only 5 weeks – yay! A tip for those who have joined the uni this year: this week and next week can get pretty intense with assignments, tests and whatever assessments they throw at you. But you already knew that. My little piece of writing this week is to emphasize student life and culture. As students you come from all different cultures and backgrounds. Just because you have started studying here doesn’t mean you should leave those things that you enjoyed behind. What I’m trying to say is that if you were a keen skateboarder before you came to uni come and join our Demon Skateboarder club. If you enjoyed music, dance or even trolley derbies we have all those things here with likeminded people. Most of our clubs we promoting themselves during the Wednesday of O-week. In all the busy-ness of your uni life don’t forget to enjoy the pleasures you did prior to joining this institution…unless it’s illegal of course! Torou Hawaiiki (may the force be with you) 24

Upcoming Events

Bloodsuckers been and gone…

WSU Board Meeting Tuesday 24th 9am-11am in the Bunker (ask at reception if you need directions)

Did they get you? For three days we had Blood Services on campus at the Rec Centre draining as much blood as possible from students. At least this is blood is for a good cause (unlike the Government who is still sucking the lifeblood out of students and parents by not addressing the Universal Allowance issue.) Anyway, your VP(s) stepped up to represent the WSU. Unfortunately Maori was sick and unable to give blood but as he is a hearty Ngati we can let it slide this time. For those of you who did give blood BIG UPS, you (indirectly) have (possibly) saved up to three lives. For those who couldn’t be bothered remember that it may be someone like the

Hey everyone! We have four different events coming up one of which I’m sure will be to your liking.

1. Dodgeball many who did give that could be the reason that someone close to you lives. (Of course, there are those who can’t give blood and by no means am I bagging you. I respect that some among us can not give due to religious beliefs, sickness or even simply not weighing enough.)

This event was successfully dodged last Wednesday and is now on this Wednesday from 12pm at the Village Green so, no excuses accepted: get your team in and come on girls represent girl-power by entering an all-female team. AJ wants to see your ball handling skills so don’t miss out

2. M.A.S.H

Student Questions What happens at the Board Meetings and can anyone attend? The WSU constitution requires a minimum of one meeting a month with three days notification. This would require the meeting to run for a bloody long time and as we your Board are all busy students like yourselves so we try to have a one two hour meeting a week. The Board meetings are open to all members, if you wish to address the Board speaking rights need to be granted. This is normally just a formality so come along and see what we as your Board do. What happens when you disagree with a decision as a Board Member?

This event will be held from 30 March-3 April with a big day on Wednesday but that’s all I will let you know about for now regarding the Wed. I will say however that the MEN on campus better be ready to show that they have the balls to get involved.

3. The Tribe seeks conquest… (Uni-Games) This event will be held 14-18 April in the Amber and Black territory of the mighty Taranaki. Universities through out New Zealand will battle in various sporting arenas for the right to raise the Uni-games Shield and hold bragging rights for the year. For more information e-mail aj45@students. waikato.ac.nz you have until Tuesday 24 March.

4. The Vagina Monologues As Board Members we don’t always agree but that is the beauty of having a diverse group sitting on the Board. As Board members we always have the right to vote against a motion but we are pretty much bound by a decision that is passed by the majority. This means that even though you voted no you will support the decision of the Board.

This event will be from 27-29 April and will be huge involving 13 young women from a variety of faculties of the university and from different ethnic backgrounds. We are also the only university in New Zealand this year to stage it. This event is a charity fundraiser. 25

Staff Profile General Manager David West As the General Manager of the organisation it is my job to ensure that the decisions of the Board of Directors are carried out, that the Directors are supported and resourced appropriately to carry out their functions and duties, and that the office runs smoothly and efficiently. I supervise a team of 10 staff which includes Administration, Advocacy, Activities and Nexus. I am also on the Board of ULeisure and the Student Campus Building Fund Trust. Working for the WSU is interesting but challenging. The environment is dynamic and diverse and you never know what the day will bring. I hope you enjoy and appreciate the activities and services we work hard to bring to you.

Natalie Good Hi there! I’m Natalie. I’m the Sports & Recreation Director on WSU this year. Unfortunately I missed all of O’ Week this year as I was in overseas avoiding all UV rays… so I am the pasty midget roaming around campus. This year should be swell, fingers crossed a paintball comp should get organised for you critters. With guns, paint and all things grand. Very exciting. Should be a day full of joy. Then, after many moons when the days are short and nights long, a Snow Jam will take place at Axces Bar. I’m excited. Make sure you all get your participation boots on and get amongst it!

Rachel Wark At this point everyone is probably still recovering from the weekend or even still, recovering from the massive week that was O’week. Those starting out at University will have now realised the potential for stupendous amounts of partying and after hours networking that is/can be achieved while being a student. However, as classes get serious, assignments build up, and the pasty winter white sets in, you will realise University can get pretty intense and partying may take a back seat (although Thursday nights are

almost a compulsory night out while being a 1st/2nd year). Rachel is my name and I am your Campaigns Director on the WSU for 2009. I am in my 2nd/3rd year of doing a BCS (communications) with a double major of marketing and PR. If you see me in your class say hi and be my friend (I am often seen sitting by myself). The more you get involved with the WSU the better. We want to continue building a student culture on campus so get involved with our events – we’re always keen to have more students on board!

Pick your balls up and register now at the WSU Reception

or download a registration form online a www.wsu.org.nz/events PRIZES for first place and best dressed. 1st place $150 BAR101 bar tab and other goodies from Liquor King Hillcrest, ZM and Dominos Pizza

FESTIVITIES INCLUDE music, sausage sizzle and couch grandstand Teams of 5-7 atleast 1 girl per team NOW $35 PER TEAM

Wednesday 25th March 12pm Start at the Village Green

SEND NOTICES TO: nexus@waikato.ac.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. Placing notices is free for students. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Notices cannot be any more than 75 words. We will not accept handwritten or non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta. Oh, and we hear that personals ads work terrifyingly well, so give that a go as well – fun for everyone involved.

Random Stuff Women’s 5k Fun Run and Walk - Thursday 26th March, 6pm. Come out and run this Thursday evening great spot prizes on offer! This annual event is run by the Hamilton City Hawks and supported by Smith’s Sport Shoes. Enter as an individual, a business team, a mother/daughter team or a grandmother/grandaughter team - entry forms available at www.hamiltoncityhawks.co.nz, or enter on the evening. Meet at the Hawks clubrooms on Grantham St by the boat ramp.

just up by the zoo/Ponsonby). email LB51@ WAIKATO.AC.NZ cheers =) RAPPERS WANTED!! I am looking for rappers to feature on my projects. I am a producer, and a music student looking to collaborate with conscientious emcees . Please e-mail me if interested. alp25@ waikato.ac.nz

Wanted:Collier, A. (2003). Principles of Tourism, a New Zealand Perspective. 6 edition, Pretty much any condition....0273840456

DANCER WANTED Can you dance? (Contemporary screen dance styles...or not...).. Are you passionate about life? Are you keen for a mini project/ abstract film? An afternoon will be enough time!! Text 027 251 7093

Carpoolers and those who want to carpool: Waikato Uni runs its own carpooling service! Check out: ridelink.waikato.ac.nz

Set of keys lost at Uni pools Wednesday 11/03/09. If found please contact Michelle 027 645 9296.

It’s all over! Student Life’s Tune In competition was drawn on Wednesday and the following names were drawn out from a pile 2339 cards…

Wargamers wanted! Do you want to play combat sports? Are you looking for a sport that encourage teamwork and make you fit? Always wanted to dress like Bruce Willis in ‘Tears of the Sun’? Or do you just want a “shoot ‘em up” sport to kill stress once every month? Airsoft may be for you! Waikato Wargamer’s Club/Team LOD is recruiting, contact Amos at ajyc1@waikato. ac.nz or visit us at www.airsoft.net.nz/forums.

Ipod Winner; Alicia Tutbury $20 Prepay Phone Card Winners; Ruki Toisin and Jasmine Bayliss Movie Money Winners; Louise Dreyer and Ashton Wihongi In the off chance you haven’t heard from us, (prob coz we can’t read your handwriting!) give Claire a holler on Claire.semones@ studentlife.co.nz or 021 589 084. Sweet! We are Aucklanders heading off to AK on a regular basis to escape Hamilton. If you want to hitch a ride, or if you often go yourself and have two spare seats let us know. We can pitch in for some petrol or you can do the same for us. We live in central Auckland (Westmere-

CAR POOL REQUEST Hi, I need help getting to Uni from Cambridge each day.I would like to be at Uni by 9am each day. If you are able to help (even if it’s not for every day) please contact me. Thanks Patrick pjg18@students.waikato.ac.nz 0210521417 FOR SALE OR SWAP An unopened bottle of Galliano white sambucca (500ml). Approx. $35.

Would like to swap for a bottle of equal valued non-flavoured vodka (prefer Absolute). No highschool Kristoff please!! 027 321 8025 or 07 856 5614. Intelligent man seeks discerning ladyfriend. Must be non-stupid, goodlooking, know how to dress properly and realise that I will appreciate this. You’ll know if it’s you. I’m awesome in bed and you will be too, even if you’re not already. Smooches guaranteed. 021 356 241. Cane of Punishment. Busty, sexy, x-rated, 25 y.o duo. available for parties, 21st’s. $50 1/2 an hour. www.myspace.com/caneofpunishment Engineering student to help develop simple prototype, Prefer 3rd year plus but if your on to it you will do. No, this is not a bomb, stop asking. Easy cash to right person Txt Kim on 0272822730

Flats and Mates Studentrent.co.nz Visit the accommodation office or www. studentrent.co.nz to view all 150+ listings available. Student Rent is 100% FREE for ALL users. Create your own listing to find a flatmate today! Flatmate Wanted ASAP Hey there we are two girls in second year looking for someone to fill our third room, its a large room with a wardrobe and nice big windows which let in lots of sun.The house is nice with lots of off street parking and its about a 6minute drive to uni. It is $106.00 a week for the room and we will sort out the expenses when we get our third person but it wont be that much more. If you wanna no more Plleeeassse text us on 0273158088.

AGONY ART presents A true story: Allah and the Virgin

THE NERDARY

When you’re at high school, sex is what makes you cooler than anyone else. My youth group leader always used to say that when you lost your virginity, it changed your life forever. Sex afterwards, if it was with someone other than your first lover, would quickly grow stale and unsatisfying and you’d find yourself in a downward spiral, at the end of which was somehow a drug overdose, sacrificing babies and something to do with Hell. Cigarettes and alcohol were also brilliant ways to burn for all eternity and a day. As a physically awkward teen I had no problems following the Lord’s

s02e04

commandments. Any girls who were sexually active in fifth form were more than likely having sexual relations with university students (themselves too awkward to pick up girls in their own age bracket and thus reduced to revving their engines outside the school gates until something in a plaid skirt came wafting out like a fart) and thus terribly uninterested in the “how you doing?” style lines I managed to throw in their general direction if I saw them walking alone. Anyone who smoked skirted the edges of high school society on the fields and cigarettes were thus also unachievable to a six foot, stick-thin Trombone player from Beerescourt. Alcohol went with both those sexually active and those who smoked and probably had something to do with being hot. Seventh form was going to be my big ticket to the cool kid category of life. Honestly it was. I was deputy head boy at Hamilton’s biggest school. I was dating a first year university pianist, whom I would go on to get engaged to some years later. I’d even managed to burgle a tan at some point over summer, preparing myself for a life in which I could run around shirtless and play contact sports with other shirtless men. Apparently it wasn’t gay to do that anymore, but rather the most masculine thing one could ever do with one’s life. The Stonewall riots, thirty years before, were finally trickling down to provincial New Zealand. Part way through seventh form, I finally had sex. It was truly disgusting. My parents fold out couch-bed in the lounge still has a blood stain on it. Before either of us was used to our bodies doing the things they were doing, the phone had rang and Mrs. Kincaid* was in my ear, demanding to speak to my mother. I almost replied, “I wouldn’t be having sex if my parents were here, would I?”, but sadly, I did not, too fascinated watching my girlfriend getting cups of water and bottles of cleaning product, all with a piece of toilet paper stuck between her legs like she was experiencing some kind of vaginal stigmata. I looked down and saw my Spear of Destiny was flecked with blood and realized, very quickly and with nausea ad infinitum, that sex was not like it was on the internet, girls breasts weren’t really that big and neither was my penis (I’ve since learned the error of my ways, having seen some devilishly small penii in adult films). Sex was a disgusting concept for all of three days, then Winifred came over in the middle of the night and we had proper sex, with no phone calls or blood or cleaning products. To Be Continued (?)

obvious they’re a nerd as well, after all, they’re playing rugby while the other nerds are in tights and bloomers reciting Shakespeare.

*Yeah, we changed the names.

On Nerds A nerd is obviously a common occurrence in today’s world (as you’ve read through the rest of the magazine), but it’s still unsurprising that nerds are often criticised for their nerdiness (which is often not helped by having a stutter and rolling around a wheelie bag, but that’s another story). But if being a nerd is such a common thing to be, why is it rugby players don’t get criticised on the same level? Well, because it’s not as

So just in case you’ve read through this week and still don’t see yourself as a nerd, I’m going to cut it painfully close and make a direct comparison between a computer enthusiast and a car enthusiast, which in most people’s minds are the polar opposites of nerdary, but in reality are incredibly related. I’ve even kept this at a 6th grade writing level for easy reading by the “non-nerds”. A computer nerd; • Spends lots of time and money making their rig look cooler / go faster • Will brag about the new parts they’ve just bought • Reads magazines and web pages about the latest and greatest • Will spend time optimising for peak performance • Has an opinion on the AMD/Intel rivalry • Has lots of merchandise they got for free from vendors • Knows the difference between RAM and ROM A car enthusiast; • Spends lots of time and money making their rig look cooler / go faster • Will brag about the new parts they’ve just bought • Reads magazines and web pages about the latest and greatest • Will spend time optimising for peak performance • Has an opinion on the Holden/Ford rivalry • Has lots of merchandise they paid excessively for from vendors • Will comeback with jokes about Ramming your Mom So, what, then, is a nerd? You might think of it as a pejorative, a word to insult with, but to a true nerd, the word is a badge of honour. We can wear our 1337 skillz on our sleeves and be proud, just like the more mainstream-accepted rugby or car enthusiast. We’re cut from the same cloth. The only exceptions are that nerds tend to be smarter, better paid, ultimately happier, and better in bed. We drive culture, rather than reflecting it. You can argue this as much as you want, but nerds are better at arguments than you. Also I can give your computer a virus that makes you unable to access Facebook, so, ultimately? Nerds FTW!

SPORTS THOUGHTS By Teresa Hattan

The Far Side of the World: Tauranga Campus Happenings by Jessica Zonneveld

“New Zealand did manage to prevent a white wash, winning in Auckland by 8 wickets, easily beating India’s 149 after 36.3 overs”

“I saw a hippy dippy car once with a broomstick image on a bumper sticker saying “Magic Happens” (hold on while I just take off my sock and vomit in it – no apologies)”

The Black Caps have well and truly been demolished in the one day international (ODI) games and I must say, it’s not looking to pretty for the test matches either. The “rock stars” of cricket remarkably came out on top to win the ODI series 3-1, and what a show the Indians put on. With Sehwag leading the charge in Hamilton on the 11th, on an unbeaten

Tauranga campus is buzzing at the moment, much like bees in a hive working for their queen. Big news here: we recently made it to status of fifth largest city in New Zealand. The times, they are a changing.

125, the New Zealanders have much to be worried about over the nest few weeks of test cricket. Sehwag is definitely an impressive player, charging all over the park to rack up an impressive century off just 60 balls in Hamilton, the fastest ever ODI century by an Indian. A run down on the ODIs: India won by 53 runs in Napier (man of match - MS Dhoni). The rain ruined the Black Caps’ chances in Wellington (the game was cancelled), and India won again by 53 runs in Christchurch. This could certainly have been higher if Tendulkar had not retired hurt for 163 after his stomach injury flared up. Perhaps the biggest loss occurred here in Hamilton, with India winning by 10 wickets. The sell-out crowd was in for a real treat though, with Sehwag proving to be quite the big hitter. It was rather disappointing that Tendulkar was not fit enough to play, otherwise it would have been a spectacular evening. The weather was up to its usual tricks in the Mighty Tron, with rain delays causing some strife for the spectators. However, New Zealand did manage to prevent a white wash, winning in Auckland by 8 wickets, easily beating India’s 149 after 36.3 overs. Ryder, McCullum, Guptill and Taylor played some impressive cricket, with 17 fours and seven sixes crossing the boundary of Eden Park. Ryder managed an impressive 63 off just 49 balls. The Duckworth/Lewis method was used in several of the one day matches. This method is a mathematical way to calculate the target score for the team batting second in a one-day cricket or Twenty-20 match which is interrupted by weather or other circumstances. At the time of print the first test match in Hamilton is currently being played. MS Dhoni opted to bowl first, and after the first session the Black Caps were bowled out for 279 after 78.2 overs. It wasn’t looking good at lunch time on the first day, with a score of 61/6. A stunning 7th wicket partnership between Vettori and Ryder (scoring a total of 186) brought New Zealand back from the abyss. India then came to the crease. Gambhir and Sehwag were not out at the end of the first day, with a total score for India of 29/0 after 7 overs. It will definitely be an interesting battle here in Hamilton for the first test match between these two sides. I certainly hope that we can pull out a win, but the Indian bowlers certainly like the swing that the Seddon Park pitch provides, which could be dangerous for our batsmen. Well, I’m off to see how it turns out; look out for a recap next week!

If charity and goodwill to others was a flower, then the students here would be bees, pollinating all over the flower of Relay for Life. Fifty-plus students are helping by being sponsored to walk/skip/jump around Blake Park on 28th and 29th March. They are stoked to be raising money for the Cancer Society who will then use the money raised to support people affected by cancer here in the Bay. Students from our cutesy satellite campus have expressed interest in frog leaping and helping others while doing so. Yep, the spirit of community is alive and giving here in Tauranga. I saw a hippy dippy car once with a broomstick image on a bumper sticker saying “Magic Happens” (hold on while I just take off my sock and vomit in it – no apologies). Well, there’s a reason for everything isn’t there - it made me think “Giving Happens” should be our motto (although from what I witnessed of O’Week in Hamilton, I have reason to believe that title cannot be wrestled lightly from our female counterparts in Hamilton). While the autumn leaves are falling and nestling themselves amongst awakening moist dirt, Facebook seems to be the number one pastime of the moment. Other popular hobbies currently being pursued include four wheel driving, kite flying, making up profiles for your imaginary international boyfriend and ambling walks to waterholes to engage with nature. “You honestly don’t need to leave Tauranga - what we have here is beautiful,” says Lisa Robinson, a third year BTch (primary) student. She is one of at least three converts who spent their first and or second year in the mighty ‘Tron and frolicked toward the sunny offerings of the Bay. Lisa enjoys spending time studying, working at the gym and working with ‘the little people’ in her chosen BTch degree. Fellow third year BTch (primary) student Jane Mortenson is new to the Tauranga campus and says “it’s just different.” She says that she enjoys the ‘higher standard of living’ that naturally accompanies living these ways and plans to join the student wine club (yet unfounded). This Hardy’s range is available from most discount supermarkets. Any one who has sampled their fine sauvignon blanc knows it is pure ‘Saturdaynight-student/Sunday-morning-hobo’ gold. Like the honey golden hues of your favourite savvy; the sun is shining if you’re in Tauranga, and the fog is lifting centimetres off your bed if you’re in Hamilton, the bees are humming, so go find yourself a patch of moist dirt and get down and diggy with nature. Do as the bee does, and pollinate all over your favourite kind of metaphorical flower. 31

Uncommon Sense By DJ Lollee. I was studying overseas this summer and my friend brought me a Friends box set. This set contained every episode of the TV series “Friends” ever created! The entire 10 seasons. 20 disks worth of Joey, Chandler, Ross, Phoebe, Rachel and Monica… I came home from overseas sick, jetlagged and tired from the heat after the minus degree temperatures I had been used to for most of my ‘summer’! I stayed in my pj’s for like a week and watched Friends. Lame, but sadly true. In my defense, you can’t help but smile at Friends; at Chandler’s dry wit, Joey and Pheobe’s random quirks and Rachel’s perfect hair…Monica’s OCD cleanliness and Ross’ not so well hidden geekiness… As I sit there and watch this mix of ridiculous banter and 90’s outfits I notice that these 6 people have something that the world longs for… And just to clarify no I don’t mean getting Jennifer Aniston into bed.

“we love to watch people who appear to be connected. And we desperately want that ourselves”

“Have you found anyone in your hostel you really click with?” I asked a friend the other day. “Na,” she replies… “I have heaps of friends that are half there but no-one fully there.” And these guys on Friends seem to have that; they seem to be ‘fully there’. They helped Rachel literally cut her ties from her father’s credit cards…they all sit around and had thanksgiving together, they went to Phoebe’s Grandmother’s funeral together… they even helped Ross say goodbye to his monkey. The list goes on… …and, granted, this is TV. So these friendships are somewhat idealised – I mean, I don’t know anyone who has friends who have full-time jobs but still have hours to kill talking smack on a 100 year old couch each day. But, the point is that we love to watch people who appear to be connected. And we desperately want that ourselves. In fact, I bet a lot of us came to uni with that ideal in mind. I did. That’s what we all want; admit it; we all want someone who has our back. Fully.

If you’re like many uni students, those friendships aren’t there straight away. So in the meantime you cuddle up with a keg or caress a bottle of J.D. with your mates at College Hall. The booze makes you feel good and relaxed. It’s accessible and always there when you need it. It doesn’t care what you look like. It makes you feel funny, attractive and accepted. This relationship works for a while, but then you wake up. It’s a one-night stand. And guts for you; you’re the one that got blown off. Now I like a nice cold Midori as much as the next person; (I’d rather suck on a lemon than have to down a beer but that’s just me!) But I’m not saying that drinking is altogether evil; it’s totally not. But it does start to impact relationships whether we like it or not. I don’t know about you but when I leave the uni scene I wanna leave with a couple of people who are ‘fully there’ not a big long history of one night stands with the bottle!

Essence of Annoying: author: Blair Munro It’s been said that a man with a determined look on his face, and a folded piece of paper can do pretty much whatever he wants, and go wherever he pleases, provided he wears himself right. I, Blair Munro, in the interests of Science, decided to put this to the test.

find attractive, all you need is a confident air, and a flair for the inventive.

I’ve already established the fact that I have never had much luck with ladies. The key, I’ve discovered, does not necessarily lie with Not Being Blair Munro, but is really as simple as Being Yourself. To this end, using nought but a toothbrush, given to me during Orientation Week, I made friends with two amazingly beautiful women named Haley and Lisé. You might be wondering exactly how I managed this, and to tell you the truth, I’m wondering that myself, but the point is, for one to make friends, and meet people of the gender you

Step one: Stop caring. Stop it. Your subconscious is an asshole which is doing nothing at all for you but solving difficult problems while you sleep. That constant nagging in the back of your brain that stops you going up to a pretty girl, or cute guy, whatever floats your boat, needs to learn to shut the hell up. So stop caring. Better rejection than regret.

So now, with the numbers of two very funny, very pretty women in my phone, I think this is a fantastic opportunity to dispense some advice.

Step two: Confidence is the key. Start introducing yourself to people. You would be surprised how much time you can spend, and

how much you can learn from stopping people ambling down the street, with an extended hand and a disarming smile. Without them, you’re just another pervert, or asshat who is trying to sell something. Step three: Play to your strengths, if you have any. I, for example, am relatively funny person (apparently), notorious for improvising conversation material (in one particular case, starting with a toothbrush), and don’t care enough about what people think of me to let it stop me. This is a winning combination. Sure flipped the script this time, haven’t I? From “Don’t do what I do,” to “Do what works for you.” But the work that works for me, might not work for you. No homework, I’ve got work to do.

VITAMIN C Starring vitaminC in: “I suppose I should be thankful that was a foodless kiss.”

YOUR PHYSICAL EDUCATION by Kirill

Two 11-year old boys, Henry and Perez, a 14-year old girl named Gabby and a 23-year old man named Robinson have accused you of touching them inappropriately. If you deny the charges, turn to page 11. If you decide to flee the country, turn to page 24. If you want to try the case before a Jury of your peers (the most recent Census gives a 5.6% chance of a given Juror being a Jedi), roll against your luck and turn to the contents page.

Hello Children. Have you joined the gym yet? I hope you have. What’s that, you say? You missed out on both the O’Week specials and the special day discounts for the gym? Hmmm, that is a bother. Or is it? NO! If you don’t want to pay out of the wazzu (what is a wazzu anyway? I asked my lecturer once, but I do finance, so he didn’t know) offpeak memberships are the way to go for you, my friend (a stranger is

If I can’t catch your attention in any other way than to tell you how to avoid imaginary guilt then I’ll do it. Guilt can to interesting things to a man, and while I’m sure lots of people will try and tell you that it can do interesting things to women, I can’t honestly comment on that seeing as I tend to tune out of that kind of conversation; after all, history has shown that the problems of women aren’t typically that important or interesting. Dealing with imaginary guilt is the worst, because sometimes you’ll start to wonder if you should feel guilty for ignoring something you should feel guilty for. It’s like changing a light-bulb in a dark room. Thirdly, if you didn’t watch Tango and Cash the other weekend, then I’m not sure I really want you reading my column. It’s just… well I guess I’m tying to say that it’s not me, it’s you. It was always you. If you aren’t intrigued and mildly aroused by a buddy-cop movie that ends in an armoured SUV battling against construction vehicles led by Jack Palance then what are you doing at University? I hope you feel guilty. Speaking of hilarious manipulation, I was ambushed (in a bar of all places) by an Apple enthusiast, who found it necessary to tell everyone why it’s so great. She didn’t think it was so great when everyone in earshot started laughing about how easy it is to suck pinkos into the consumer system. Real Life example: You: “Hi, I need some technology, but I need people to know I’m special/I’m scared of carbon greenhouses/Microsoft is evil/capitalism is run by the ghost of Hitler/genetic engineering will eat our freedom/No means no/Meat is murder/YES WE CAN/I have the right to exist without putting in any effort” Salesman: “Good for you, I have just the product. Cash or credit?” Chain smoking, executing anyone who loses traction in their vehicle (it’s a crime), betting against yourself. Those are all my suggestions for avoiding imaginary guilt. Next week: Johnny Walker Black, novelty handcuffs, and why you should give me the benefit of the doubt.

just a friend you haven’t met, and I’m lonely -021356241). Off-peak might sound like it is a winter thing, and you can only go when the big bodybuilding bears are hibernating (I am not calling bodybuilders bears). In reality though, it is nothing like this, not really, not at all. All it means is that you cannot go between 3pm and 7pm. No big deal. Do it. It might at first seem inconvenient to have the times that you can go restricted, but I’ve been going to the gym for years, and I’m gonna lay a little fact down on ya. No one goes between three and seven, it is much too crowded. The cardio machines are quite busy at this time, so unless you wanna sit and watch people move on one spot while sweating, there is nothing to do. If you do want to watch sweating people, I’ll save you a seat. Bring popcorn. The weights room will also be busy. If you are into lifting, then you cannot hope to get a power rack at this time. If you are into isolation exercises, you are in for a treat of your own. There will be groups of 1st year hall boys standing around one guy doing bicep curls. This might sound exciting but it is not. If you are a female, prepared for some serious testosterone to waft your way. Also there is a high probability that the courts, squash rooms and the two smaller exercise rooms are taken. So unless you have the goal of picking up sweaty girls or guys, or like waiting in line for a squat rack just so it looks like you are fit, the off peak membership is a good option. Here’s an idea for you though. It will probably sound really stupid, I know it did to me first time I heard it. Try going to the gym early in the morning. I mean like at like five, six or seven. This will in all seriousness be one of the best starts to the day you can have (well next to dawn coitus, but let’s not get into that). I find that I end up eating a huge breakfast on those morning, having so much energy that people sit me down for a meth intervention and I actually go to my lectures (where upon my lecturers sit me down for a meth intervention). There are less people, and you can pay less for your membership. Win Win. B.T.W, You know anyone for some meth?

Diary of the Dead

Mirrors Edge Developed by DICE, published by EA

“college students end up documenting what’s happening and we see things through their camera’s perspective. I know what you’re thinking…Blair Witch? Cloverﬁeld? Yeah but the difference is, this is good.”

Mirrors Edge came out on consoles last November, after Nexus had finished publishing for the year, so with the release of some new content I thought it might be nice to take a look back.

Written/Directed by George Romero

For my 12th birthday my mate whose parents owned a video store grabbed a bunch of R18 horror movies to watch. One of which was Dawn of the Dead. I laughed my ass off. It featured blue zombies, a zombie having the top of its head taken off by a helicopter, and the zombies shambled. A love affair began. Since then Dawn of the Dead has been the yardstick for all other zombie movies – and most have come up woefully short. After my disappointment at Land of the Dead, a film that to me didn’t make a lot of sense and suffered from the curse of big studio input, I was sceptical. But when told that this movie heralded a return to independent cinema, I was excited to see it. Overall it is a return to form, but still not my favourite. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

The game is based around the concepts of free-running (parkour) and urban exploration. You play as Faith, an illegal courier of sorts who lives in a totalitarian city where information is tightly controlled. Since it’s nigh impossible to transfer information digitally without it being monitored, people hire ‘runners’ to do things the old-fashioned way – on foot. As such, the game consists mainly of running from A to B to Z all over the rooftops of skyscrapers, punctuated with chases through malls, escapes from office buildings, and occasional combat, all in first person.

The story goes that once again hell seems to be full and the dead are coming back to life. This time a group of film-making college students end up documenting what’s happening and we see things through their camera’s perspective. I know what you’re thinking…Blair Witch? Cloverfield? Yeah but the difference is, this is good. Also, like all of Romero’s “Dead” series, it has a message. You see, in this day of the Information Age the Internet is flooded with blogs and everyone’s opinion on everything else - all unmanaged as people purposefully seek out the information they need to justify their own positions. Romero calls this “The Media Octopus”. We seem more interested in documenting rather than experiencing, in a way becoming “detached” from life in an effort to leave our mark on society. Think I’m wrong? Try going past a traffic accident without rubbernecking (or how many people want to write editorial columns in Nexus!)

The interface has a decidedly minimalist approach. There is no HUD at all, just the view. And boy is it a good view. The aesthetics of the game incorporate a colour-coding scheme, to represent Faith’s intuition for knowing exactly the ideal routes she needs to be taking. In early stages, the buildings are a beautiful clean white, in contrast to the deep blue of the sky and the vibrant red of everything that Faith sees as useful (ladders to climb, doors to enter, ledges to hurl yourself off). As well as being strikingly beautiful, this is an important part of the gameplay. Momentum is crucial, so ideally you want to maintain your speed and your flow as much as possible. If you’ve just kicked down a door, evaded armed pursuers, wall-run over a gap between buildings, vaulted a ledge and have suddenly found yourself sprinting at full tilt towards a 30-story drop, it’s relieving and exhilarating to see the familiar red of a drainpipe that looks like it might be reachable, on the side of the skyscraper across the street.

Romero is known for his dark humour and in this movie; the comedic highlights for me involve a clown and an Amish guy. Romero has been given pretty much complete control and it shows, in the extras he describes it as a “return to his roots” – he even appears happier. Criticisms? I think my own criticisms are due to my liking of Dawn and its cheesiness. The dark humour is present here but it’s not cheesy enough, although some may disagree. There’s no Savini (Sex Machine) and I like my zombies blue. But that’s really my only criticism. A welcome return to the Dead series…we’ll just forgive him for Land of the Dead.

The controls are also minimal, with most of the game being played with the two sticks and the shoulder buttons. On the right are attack and 180-spin, and on the left are the upwards and downwards buttons. These are context-sensitive controls which you use to travel higher or lower relative to what you are doing. When standing still, upwards will make you hop, downwards for a crouch. While running, this becomes a leap forwards and a power-slide. While running next to a wall, upwards will make Faith wall-run along it, while running at a wall she’ll sprint straight up it. And so on. The main strength of the game lies in the time trials, for which the aforementioned DLC contains new courses. The real game-play lies in speedruns, and you can view the ghost data of the top 100 runners online for any course, as well as that of your friends, to see how the pros are doing it. While the developers felt the need to slap a story mode in there and call it the game, it’s great to see the new content adding to the actual game-play. It might not be for everyone, but I’d definitely recommend this to anyone who can play the same level over and over trying to beat their own scores. Hit nexusmag.co.nz for more of the review.

Auteur House Presents: 1946 author: Dr Richard Swainson

If twenty first century youth know Richard Attenborough at all it is most likely as the misguided scientist and businessman who runs “Jurassic Park”. In some ways the role is the closest ‘Dickie’ has ever come to poking fun at the image of his equally famous brother, the naturalist and television icon, David Attenborough. A measure of how engrained in the fabric of British cinema Dickie is came four decades ago when Monty Python based one of their better skits around his even then well known propensity to give tearful, rambling speeches at award ceremonies. Dressed in a gaudy tuxedo, with torrents of water streaming out the side of especially designed glasses, Eric Idle’s Attenboroughesque exaggeration of the word “A-CA-DEMMY” was equal parts parody and homage. Attenborough the actor has always specialised in human weakness. The cowardly or

nervous types that he plays so well are the antithesis of the stoic, stiff upper lip heroics that one normally associates with English film. Attenborough is in a sense the antiJohn Mills. Appropriately he made his debut opposite Mills in the David Lean/Noel Coward World War II drama “In Which We Serve”. Without any dialogue at all, using only body language and his round, soft and emotive face, Attenborough is unforgettable as the one seaman who abandons his post when his ship is under fire. Not content to be merely a actor, Attenborough branched out into producing in the early 1960s. His collaboration with the actor, writer and director Bryan Forbes produced three genuine classics: the Hayley Mills vehicle “Whistle Down the Wind”, the expose of trade union corruption “The Angry Silence” and the psychological thriller cum horror story “Seance on a Wet Afternoon”. Attenborough’s performances in the last two

are superb character studies of men under pressure, the first a worker blacklisted by colleagues and his employer alike after he refuses to go on strike, the second a henpecked husband forced to kidnap a little girl in order to further his wife’s career as a medium. Dickie directed his initial feature in 1969, a musical about World War I called “Oh, What a Lovely War!” Its pacifist themes were revisited thirteen years later in his most successful directorial effort, the multi Oscar winner biopic “Gandhi”, a project Attenborough struggled for over two decades to get off the ground. For all that these films critique British colonialism and militarism his artistry is sufficiently broad to celebrate these concepts as well: “Young Winston” is an account of Churchill’s early life told in the manner of a ‘Boy’s Own’ annual and “A Bridge Too Far” a stirring ode to the fallen of Arnhem.

Movie PRE-View:

by Art Focker This week, instead of reviewing a movie that’s already out I’ve decided to PRE-review a bunch of movies that aren’t out yet and give you all the head ups as to what’s coming up and whether it’s going to be any good. Of course, all of these opinions are based on trailers only. It’s like a horoscope for cinema, so is totally inaccurate.

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen (24/05/2009)

Inglorious Basterds

Everyone will go see this film, even those who don’t really want to. It’s one of those mid-year blockbusters which are so big they have own gravitational fields and suck in everyone who knows someone who has seen it. It’ll be a series of very expensive looking fight scenes between gigantic robots and there’ll be lots of people running around screaming and making awful jokes. But it will look bloody amazing and hopefully Linkin Park won’t be involved in the music this time. I expect to give it 6 out of 5. expect to give it 6 out of 5.

The chances of this movie being bad are almost non-existent. It’s Quentin Tarantino’s first World War 2 movie and is about a bunch of Jewish troops being dropped into Nazi-occupied France. These Jews are lead by Brad Pitt (with a southern accident) and are tasked with scalping, torturing and murdering every Nazi they can find. If you can tell me that it doesn’t sound amazing, you’re probably a racist. Probably. I’ll give this one ten million points. More if they have a silly looking Hitler.

(21/8/2009)

X Men Origins: Wolverine (1/5/2009)

Terminator Salvation

Even though X Men 3 was one of my least favourite films of all time, this movie is going to be ridiculously good fun. It covers Wolverines life up until just before he becomes one of the X Men. Turns out he’s about three hundred years old and has fought in every war that America has since the mid-19th Century. It also features Gambit, Deadpool and a much sexier Sabretooth, played this time by Live Schreiber, possibly the world’s sexiest man with a small head. This one will receive 4 out of ten, mostly because X Men 3 sucked so hard.

By now you must have heard the rant where Christian Bale goes off his nut at some crew member for walking into his sight line. Turns out Christian Bale is a pretentious wanker who thinks he shits brilliance and pisses awesome. I don’t completely disagree with him, but I still think he’s a prick. This movie will be all special effects and hopefully be the last Terminator made. Get some new fucking ideas, Hollywood! 1 out of 5, mostly because Christian Bale was seriously a jerk to that guy.

(21/5/2009)

Ex Libris: Reviewed by Penny Wilson

SCAR TISSUE by Anthony Kiedis

Hedonism! Heroism! Hilarity! Handjobs! Heroin! And, unsurprisingly…Hospital. If there’s one thing I like better than improper behaviour, it’s reading all about it. Anthony Kiedis, with Larry “Ratso” Sloman knows how to spill – and them beans are all over the counter and dripping down the Formica by the end of this litany of Rock n ‘Roll adventures and misadventures. Kiedis is notorious as the lead singer of Red Hot Chili Peppers, providers of the some of the most anthemic tunes of our formative years (Who didn’t feel epically sorry for themselves to Under the Bridge and foamingly rabid at All Saint’s bastardization of the same?). In Scar Tissue, Kiedis recounts the rollercoaster journey in unflinching detail. No stone is left unturned (or turn unstoned) as Kiedis vividly recounts his early life as a childhood actor, adventures in

the Hollywood punk scene, and the formation of the Chilis and their exotic variations on the theme of line-up, with intermittent homelessness, beautiful women, art projects, and of course, rampant drug abuse and trips to rehab. Kiedis himself comes across as a womanizing junkie scumbag – albeit one with prodigious talent, drive and cojones of steel. He destroys several myths along the course of this book, amongst them the “glamorous” nature of heroin addiction; that karma won’t get you for screwing other people over and, most of all, that overnight success doesn’t take ten years and pantloads of blood, sweat, tears and torment. Scar Tissue is riveting, ribald and makes me want to spit on my hands, pick up my gat and

take no prisoners. Read it and gather tips for your own journey to infamy. Opening passage: “I’d been shooting coke for three days straight with my Mexican drug dealer, Mario ,when I remembered the Arizona show. By then, my band, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, had one album out…..” High points: Flea; psychotically disgusting tour hijinks; cameos by Cher, Keith Moon, Blondie and the Dalai Lama. Low points: Rehab, death and a trail of broken hearts.

The Gunslinger Born series.

plotted by Robin Furth, scripted by Peter David, and illustrated by Jae Lee and Richard Isanove

Reviewed by Kirill I was sitting at home one day, doing whatever it is that I do (you don’t want to know, or do you *wink*), when Facebook popped its blue head in front of me and informed me that the editor was talking to me. He told me to come to his office because he had something to give me and that he was holding a big fat surprise for me. Naturally I assumed he wanted to molest me. But came anyway. To my very pleasant surprise he actually gave me the hard cover edition of the first season of the Dark Tower comics and the individual comics of the third season. He then molested me. There are two ways to take this review, for those who know about these comics, and for those who don’t. First, for those who know: the third season is as good as the first and second, but the hardcover doesn’t have the stories that you find at the back of the softcover. The illustration are equally on par with the first other seasons, although in my opinion, slightly more stylized, more reliant on ink, but wider use of color.

For those who don’t know what this is, read on. Decades ago, Stephen King began a series of stories called the Dark Tower about a man called the Gunslinger. Many consider these his best works. It is easiest to describe them as sci-fi meets fantasy in a post-apocalyptic world and the main character is a cowboy knight whose main goal in life is revenge and reaching a tower, which is dark. The beauty of the story was in its proximity to the real world, while still maintaining a thick and almost moody veil of fiction and incredible story telling. The comics of the Dark Tower attempt to capture this, but instead of trying to encompass all this and invariably falling short they concentrate on one of the books and go from there. The first season of Dark Tower takes place when the Gunslinger, Roland, was still you. Basically a teenage cowboy who only just got his first gun (without any Brokeback mountain or cattle wrestling). He is sent on a mission, to prove his manliness. This is where the story takes place. It is fully possible to pick up the

comic, follow it and enjoy it in its full without having ever picked up the books (although this one is Wizard and Glass, if you’re looking). There is nothing, for even non-comic people, to complain about in the story. It is both whimsical and serious enough to satisfy anyone. The illustration in this comic is nothing short of unique. Like a sunset silhouette photograph, the comic relies on heavy shadowing and brilliant color. If you have any appreciation for heavy ink drawing, they are worth buy just for that. Faces are rarely seen in detail, but the emotion of the characters is captured perfectly in every frame. All in all, this is a must have for Stephen King fans, a must look-into for comic fans, and a very highly recommended for art or good story fans, which should be everybody.

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Listings courtesy of Mammoth (mammothguide.co.nz) and Hamilton Community Arts Council

GIG GUIDE Artists, musicians, and gig-promoters of all kinds! Promote your band or event in the Nexus Gig Guide in association with Mammoth, Hamilton’s premiere event listing guide! Simply email gigs@nexusmag.co.nz and make sure you CC to events@mammothmedia.co.nz! Hamilton Film Society Screening The Hamilton Film Society meets to watch Infernal Affairs (Directors: Andy Lau and Alan Mak, Hong Kong, 2002). Two men, working undercover for the police and the Triads respectively, have to eliminate each other to save their jobs, and their lives. Remade by Martin Scorsese as “The Departed.” Tue 24 Mar 2009 Cost: Full memberships $100 / $90 students/ unwaged and three film passes ($30) available Time: 8pm Where: Victoria Cinema, 690 Victoria Street, Hamilton Further details: Hamilton Film Society 07 839 5932 bagfullofdeath@yahoo.co.nz Mammoth 1st Birthday Bonanza Mammoth - Hamilton’s live music and events guide celebrates one year with a massive gig featuring: Over The Atlantic (WTN) Alphabethead (WTN) Side Kick Nick (AKL)

and Hamilton’s own The Shrugs, Doteyes and Laughter in the Mainsail with DJ Laii (AKL/ Melbourne). Sat 28 Mar 2009 Cost: $10 Time: 8pm Where: Flow Bar, 266 Victoria Street Further details: www.mammothguide.co.nz The Laughing Samoans - Prettyfull Woman One of New Zealand’s most successful comedy duo is back with another hit show. Eteuati Ete and Tofiga Fepulea’i have been playing to sell out audiences around the world since they started back in 2003. Come and see for yourself why. Fri 03 Apr 2009 Time: 8pm Where: Founders Theatre, 221 Tristram Street Further details: Ticket Direct 07 838 1111 www.ticketdirect.co.nz

Dynamo Go album release Dynamo Go release their debut album, “The Fool of Fountain City” with support from The Dusk and No Fixed Abode. Fri 03 Apr 2009 Cost: $10 Time: 9pm Where: Ward Lane, Ward Lane, Hamilton Further details: Dynamo Go www.myspace. com/dynamogo Baptised 2 Boogie 5week Breakdance Classes Five week classes in the Bboy/Bgirl (Breakdance) dance form. B2B is designed to draft you for the dance floor and equip your soul with Spirit! Book by ph/email. Weekly | Mon 09 Mar 2009 - Mon 06 Apr 2009 Cost: $50 for five weeks Time: 5pm: 11-17yrs, 6pm: 18yrs+ Where: Studio 46 (upstairs), cnr Bryce & Barton streets (next to Bed, Bath & Beyond

Master Origin Graphic Use the master graphic to talk about our New Zealand origins.

FANCY SOME AWESOME EXPORT GOLD GEAR? Export Gold has launched ‘Over the Fence’, a new online game based on the popular TV ad. To win, you need to throw the Chihuahua ‘over the fence’ catch the flying pooch on the other side, hit a six, and vault the fence. Do it successfully and you’re in the draw to win great prizes such as fridges full of Export Gold! The game can be played on www.exportgold. com/game To celebrate the launch of ‘Over the Fence’, Nexus has two wicked Export Gold t-shirts, a beach hat, and a 12 pack of Export Gold to giveaway!. To be in to win simply send a Busted picture of you and your mates to Nexus and we’ll pick several winners at random!

You must be over 18 to enter, and the winner must produce appropriate photo ID to the Nexus Editor to be able to claim prize. Prize packs will be mailed to the winners.