issue 5

05 26 March 2007

Race Relations Day

ATT, PETRA JA S BY M NE AN OTO DS PH

The Faculty of Arts and Social Science s marked Race Relat ions Day with a foo d festival for FASS stu dents last Wednes day.

With a turnout of over 400 student s, it se ems likely that a few we ren’t FASS student s at all.

Coordinated by Ka te Wynyard and su pp or ted by the WSU. Plus thanks to the ma ture student volunteers who worked super hard and mi ssed out on the food.

ER

RE

A TT

TIS

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WELL THEN, WE’ll HELP YOU Put your free time to good use!

Write for us, and impress thousands of beautiful women and men every week! Nexus needs volunteer writers, reviewers and columnists to contribute to Nexus magazine in 2007. We can’t pay you, but you’ll make great friends, get real publishing experience and have really cool something to boast about. And sometimes we can give you beer and chocolate.

* Groupies may differ from those advertised. Your results may vary.

So what are you waiting for? Fame, fortune and fabulously hot groupies await.* You can either send your story ideas to nexus@waikato. ac.nz, fill in the Nexus contributor form on page 15 and hand it in, visit www.nexusmag.co.nz/contribute and fill in an electronic contributor form, or come see us in person on the ground floor of the Student Union building on the Uni campus.

The voice of the students.

CKY

BY STEVEN & RO What do you use: Myspace, Bebo, Friendstar, Hi5, Facebook or another?

Have you ever stuck naked pictures of your self on the net? And if so, where?

The paper you’ve most enjoyed…

Would you rather be stung by 10 bees or be a Christian for life?

Where’s the worst place you have ever slept?

Mr. Funnyfeeling Goodtimes 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

NZDating, do you know of any hot pinball machines I can get with?

Again NZD, You should check out my snickers bar…

Anything to do with marketing.

B6 – Price $1.40.

The WSU reception.

Dublinchy & Plug

Fou & Oni

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

We don’t believe in networking online.

No but I may in the future, Do an image search on Google if you’re keen to see.

Dublinchy: Intro to Calculus.

Plug: International Relations.

Bring on 18…

Dublinchy: On a wet Trampoline.

Plug: In a tree.

Mostly Bebo but We both use Ringo and Hi5 No way.

Nothing, you get over being in class VERY FAST! What? Christian for life!

We slept in the front of a car once, never again!

H2-Yo 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

I wish WSU would let me use their internet connection. I mean all I do is give, give and give.

I’m a nudist. I sit around nude flashing my tap to anyone who will look.

Paper Cups.

I would rather be a Christian; I’ve heard that Jesus turns water into expensive French red wine.

A toilet bowl.

Frankles 1. I use Bebo and good old Myspace.

2. Mostly semi-naked pics, on both Myspace and Bebo.

3. The CUP paper, Critical Thought.

4. Stung by 10 bees, if not more.

5. A womb.

Win a wireless Xtra Broadband pack and get moving!

Nexus is giving our readers the chance to go in the draw to win a wireless Xtra Broadband package from Telecom – valued at over $550. We’ve got two packs to giveaway over the next four weeks. If you’re one of the lucky winners you will be able to take the Internet with you almost anywhere in your home.

tion read

For more broadband informa

and xtra.co.nz/wirelessbroadb

To be in the draw, tell us in 100 words or less why you need free broadband for a year and give us your name, address and contact phone number. Send your entries to nexus@waikato.ac.nz.

Entries must be received by 28th March, 2007.

March 2007 competition terms and conditions. The first valid entry drawn will receive Wireless Broadband Network Kit including wiring and connection plus free Broadband for a year on an Xtra Go Broadband plan. If Broadband is not available in the winner’s area the winner will receive 12 months free dial-up on the Xtra Value Pack. Winners will be drawn on 29th March 2007 and will be notified by Nexus. Nexus’s decisions are final and no correspondence will be entered into. Prizes cannot be transferred or exchanged or redeemed for cash. Prize draw entry constitutes acceptance of these terms. Sorry - employees of Telecom and their immediate families are not eligible to enter.

ISSUE 5 · 26 MARCH, 2007

www.nexusmag.co.nz

www.nexusmag.co.nz

ISSUE 5 路 26 MARCH, 2007

Credits VICE-ADMIRAL Rosalind Case nexus@waikato.ac.nz

ANGRY GUY Matt Scheurich graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz

COMMODORE Tony Arkell admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz 021 176 6180

LIEUTENANT Joshua Drummond news@nexus-npl.co.nz

Contents

ENSIGN M. Emery

Nexus Issue 5 · 26 March 2007

Features 20

26

27

Hi guys, I have posted a new picture that you should all look at and comment on!

Exploring social networking on the net Crashing the FASS Some interesting lectures we recommend you attend Student Loan Changes

PETTY OFFICERS Chuck & Benjo, Brie Jessen, Leah Graham, Alana Fergusson, Candice Bottomsworth, The Fly, Jessica Ritchie, Art Focker, Jerode Raman, Blair Nicholson, Vitamin C, Burnsy, Matt, Joe Citizen, Guru Moonbeam, Magic 8 Ball, Adam Smith, The Panther, Richard Swainson, Rocky Maeva, Andrew Neal, WSU and maybe some other people whose names we forgot.

8 – 13 Race relations day, Uni lakes, Duck killing students in Dunners

Also lots of fake news. Do we ever have any real news?

Short Shorts, Haiku News

Regulars

MAIN FEATURE WRITER A gelatinous blob

News

04 07 14 28 33 34 34 35 35 36 36

htownslut@gmail.com

I Got 5 On It Editorial Lettuce WSU columns Notices Agony Art Los Libros Third Eye Sports Thoughts Guru Moonbeam Horoscopes Chuck & Benjo ISSUE 5 · 26 MARCH, 2007

37 37 38 40 40 41 42 43 44 45 47

Magic 8 Ball Society Pages Puzzles Vitalisa Weird Facts Mr Safety Bigglesworth Citric Gig Guide Books Films Busted

CONTACT NEXUS Email: Phone: Fax: Postal:

nexus@waikato.ac.nz 07 838 4653 07 838 4588 Nexus Publications 2003 Ltd Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

Read us online at

www.nexusmag.co.nz The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus Publications 2003 Ltd, any of our advertisers, WSU or APN Media. Sometimes we write rude things here but not this week. Maybe some other time.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) but they can’t tell us what to wear or how to act. www.nexusmag.co.nz

Editorial

BY ROZ CASE

It’s really stupid of me to leave writing this until the absolute last minute. My brain is fudge and I kind of feel slightly deranged right now.

It’s not exactly the best time to start writing an editorial. But I’m not going to let incoherence get in my way. Incoherence be damned!

As I can’t string a proper sentence together anymore, I will instead make a series of short, unrelated observations: • The poo smell by Oranga is really getting to people and the university needs to do something about it.

• People seem to really like smacking their kids. Who knew?

• While Waikato students are often referred to as ‘apathetic’, it seems that that isn’t necessarily true. It might well be that students in the 21st century aren’t politically active because they all have to work in order to survive. If we had universal student allowances, then students could afford the time to give a shit about the issues that affect them, like the lack of universal student allowances… wait. That doesn’t work…

• If you haven’t started doing your readings yet, you’re gonna be in trouble for that test next week. I haven’t done any readings yet and I’m in trouble for that test next week.

cabbage in a spring roll. It’s uncanny.

Correction Notice

• I’m making a roster for the WSU exec in order to coordinate exactly what times they’re allowed in my office and who they’re allowed to bitch about during each particular session.

Sometimes Nexus struggles with the basics.

Like eating and talking. And also putting the correct names on people’s contributions. We would like to apologise to Christie Purcell.

Nexus printed her piece on the modern version of Chinese foot binding in Issue 3, under the title ‘Weird Facts’. But we wrongly attributed it to Blair Nicholson. Sorry Christie!

• It’s almost Easter. Jesus’ death always creeps up on me.

• Whose office do the WSU exec members go to when they want to bitch about me?

• Can we claim course-related costs to pay for our internet and printing costs? Because sometimes it’s seriously a choice between eating or printing.

• Some staff and students are concerned about the conduct of certain lecturers in the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences. If Nexus tells you about it we’ll get our tits sued off. But that doesn’t mean certain lecturers in the FASS shouldn’t take a pull on themselves…

• You get to a certain point in the night where you don’t know if what you’re writing is sensible, reasonable or even legal. And then, just after that, you get to a point where you don’t care. This seems to be more of a problem if you’re writing an important essay and less of a problem if you’re writing for Nexus.

• The chips at the Bongo café taste like the NEXUS AND GORDON HARRIS PRESENT

The call for cover art

Calling all artists, designers, photographers, sculpters, crafters, whatever! Nexus wants to put your art on the cover page of the magazine. We want to spotlight great local talents so please send us some of your original art for the cover page.

If your artwork is deemed by the Nexus Designer Demon to be satisfactory enough, you will be rewarded with a $50 Gordon Harris gift voucher! Not to mention have your artwork emblazoned on the cover of Hamilton’s only student magazine.

For more info read www.nexusmag.co.nz/coverart 386 ANGLESEA ST, HAMILTON · OPEN 7 DAYS PH: 07 834 3952 · EM: hamilton@gordonharris.co.nz

This week’s cover by

Glen Leslie MYSPACE.COM/MEGAHEROES

Designer’s Wank

BY MATT

I really hoped to never see this section again but forces against my control have decided to cut their editorial short so I gotta fill up the space somehow.

Firstly, I want to admit to being a big, fat opinionated jerk. I’m not saying it’s either good or bad, I’m just saying I’m a big one. Generally I’m not too afraid (what a silly term) to share my views and thoughts about stuff, but since doing this cover art thing I’ve somewhat exercised more restraint and less tact (yes, almost a paradox) in my everyday life.

I haven’t had many submissions for the cover art -- the ones I have had I have appreciated the individuals’ efforts in submitting something.

However, the big, fat jerk side of me says that a lot of the submissions I’ve received have been shit. I’m sick and tired of boring generic “art” and “design” which looks like someone shat out vectorised objects on to an area of pixels with little thought to even basic compositional elements -- even the colour choices anger me.

I want everyone who considers themselves to be a designer to take a long hard look at their work -- not the work they make in 2 minutes, the stuff they put their goddamn best effort into -- and tell me if you think it actually looks good before you send it in to be in front of thousands of people. Need some inspiration? Email me.

MC Stormtroopa would like to give a holla to Jake, Matt and Rory. Cheers for the beers at Ward Lane!

www.nexusmag.co.nz

ISSUE 5 · 26 MARCH, 2007

Nexus News

Race Relations Day

BY ANDREW NEAL

Over 300 people joined in the festivities on Race Relations Day last Wednesday afternoon.

The event, organised by the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences to celebrate the diversity of students and staff all around campus, featured entertainment from the Wai Taiko drummers and free food from all around the world.

Dean of FASS Prof. Dan Zirker gave a welcome to everyone present and (for an American) did exceptionally well with his Maori pronunciation. The event swung into action, with the drummers deafening a few who stood too close.

Vince Malcolm-Buchanan of the WSU Executive organised seven WSU volunteers for the event, and said that he thought it was a “total success.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a successful integration of all international and national members of the campus community,” he said. “It’s just fantastic.”

The noise of the drummers was apparently disturbing to some, with one student, Andrew Furniss, claiming the vibrations were rattling the padlock on the printer in the S Block computer laboratory.

The atmosphere was lively and even the people waiting in the food line that extended from S Block almost all the way down to the Faculty Information Centre seemed to be enjoying themselves. One woman waiting in the line quite happily said that “it was the food” that she was here for, surprising no-one.

The food, which included Aka burgers, sushi, sausage rolls and much more, smelled fantastic and wafted over the entire crowd. Every time someone walked past with a plate of food they were close to receiving a lynching for their plate. One attendee who asked to be called ‘Dr. Smith’ said the event was “just wonderful,” and described the atmosphere as “warm and fuzzy.”

A lot of students were not aware of the event and when asked how they were enjoying Race Relations Day replied “I didn’t know it was on, but the drummers are cool.”

One lecturer thought the name was “a bit weird” but the concept was great.

Down at the banks, CSL worker Nick Barton performed an acoustic set, also organised by the WSU, which added to the ambience and general festival atmosphere.

ISSUE 5 · 26 MARCH, 2007

FREE FOOD WOULD OBVIOUSLY BE A GOOD ATTRACTOR

www.nexusmag.co.nz

News

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE A SCIENTIST TO KNOW THAT THE LAKES HAVE GOT SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEIR CONTENT

Uni Lakes are Full of Shit

BY JOSH DRUMMOND

Rumours that the infamous Waikato Uni Lakes are filled with poisons and bacteria can be confirmed by Nexus to be only partially true – but you still shouldn’t go in them.

Tales have circulated that students who took a dip in the lakes over O’Week suffered from rashes and mysterious maladies following their shit-swim.

Nexus could not track down any affected students, but did manage to get in touch with the head of Facilities Management, John Cameron.

“There are some heavy metals present in the lakes [including lead and arsenic] – which are below normal standards. None of it is of any health consequence,” he said.

“None of the readings that I’ve seen on [the lakes] are anything that could cause any concern whatsoever. If a student was wading for a few minutes I don’t think it would cause anything to happen at all.”

However, Nexus spoke to a third-year biology student who was involved in studies on the lakes in his first year. He did not want to be named, but said that the lakes were a haven for “heaps of bacteria,” and that the lakes were “eutrophied,” which translates into England as, roughly, “full of duck and other types of shit.”

“There’s heaps of E.Coli which is not necessarily so bad on it’s own, but it’s a good marker for all kinds of other bacteria. There’s a lot of different algae and cyanobacteria,” he said.

“It’s eutrophied, which basically means that there’s a whole lot of

stuff and it’s really murky and dirty. We compared the lake water to the Waikato River and the lakes came off hugely second best.”

He said that, given the lake’s content, he wouldn’t advise anyone to go in..

“I don’t know about heavy metals, but there’s lots of bacteria in there. Don’t go in to the lakes. And if you have to for some reason, make sure you don’t have any cuts, and don’t put your face under at all.”

WSU President Sehai Orgad said that it was “quite clear” something was up with the lakes, given reports of people who went in getting serious rashes.

“I’ve been told people are looking at how to clean up the lakes – whether draining or whatever,” she said.

“I think they should be fixed up as soon as possible.”

News flash!

We want your news. We also want you to write news! If you are keen to help us out and exercise your journalistic ability then get in touch with us at nexus@waikato.ac.nz or ring 07 838 4653.

$5 Wednesday Student Special The cheapest feed in town guaranteed! Every Wednesday from 5 PM A Burger, chips and a cold handle of Tui or DB Export Show your Student ID to qualify. Limited to 1 meal per person plus we do the dishes!

The Riv Bar & Cafe www.nexusmag.co.nz

CLYDE ST SHOPPING CENTRE, CNR GRAY & CLYDE ST, HAMILTON EAST PH: 856 8508

ISSUE 5 · 26 MARCH, 2007

9

News

Harassment Still Crazy The New Zealand Press Association are still refusing to comment on the increasing number of surfacing sexual harassment lawsuits from hot female reporters.

Claims of sexual harassment and unfair treatment have a long history in the media, and recent publicised cases have encouraged the feisty little bitches to complain more.

“The work conditions here are completely intolerable,” said one tight young female journalist, “We shouldn’t have to put up with being viewed as inferior objects while at work.”

A number of male staff were in support of the protesting as well, but who wouldn’t be, going by the tits on those girls.

“These babes deserve equal treatment, right?” said one cameraman, “Just because they all look like naughty girls doesn’t mean they should have a hard time at work. See that brunette over there with the double-D’s? I emailed her a photo of myself naked just this morning.”

The investigation begins in April. - NZPA

Technology Still Crazy Apple Corp. have issued a recall today of the iPod Femto, the latest in the successful iPod line of mp3 players.

“The Femto was meant to be the next revolutionary step in the miniaturisation of portable audio technology,” said Apple Sales Director Hal McNiccol, “but its unprecedented small size has made it completely impractical in today’s market.”

Reports of small children, animals, and power-CEO’s swallowing the Femtos and getting them in their eyes have been surfacing since the launch in mid-March, and Apple have voluntarily recalled the

10

ISSUE 5 · 26 MARCH, 2007

Lubricant thief was ‘too embarrassed’ to pay: Now everyone in New Zealand knows who he is THE APPLE IPOD FEMTO, TO SCALE NEXT TO HELEN CLARK’S MOLE.

product in an attempt to maintain some kind of rapport with their customers.

McNiccol also says it gives Apple time to address the other latent issues with the product, namely that human fingers are actually too large to operate the buttons and the little wheel. “It’s a horrible process, and trying to find a little toothpick or training a small rodent to scroll to your favourite songs is un-ideal, at best” he confessed. “But we have our top biologists and zoologists on the job, working to bring out the Apple iRat by Summer 2007”.

Flash Still Crazy A latest-minute report from NASA insists that this morning’s unprecedented solar eclipse is no cause for alarm.

Even so, the sudden event has surprised astronomers worldwide and only Doctor Hans Zarkov, formerly of NASA, has provided any explanation for these events. While seemingly there is no reason for these extraordinary inter-galactical upsets, it has transpired that alien ruler, Ming the Merciless, has planned his attack on Earth, an obscure body in the SK system.

General Kala from the planet Mongo released this statement: “What do you mean, ‘Flash Gordon approaching’?! Open fire! All weapons! Dispatch War Rocket Ajax, to bring back his body!” More to come as the story unfolds. “Gordon’s alive?”

A man who stole a bottle of sex lubricant from a supermarket after being too embarrassed to pay for it at the counter pleaded guilty to theft in the Wellington District Court. He had put the lubricant up his sleeve and attempted to leave the store without paying for it with his other goods.

He told police he was ‘too embarrassed’ to pay.

Judge Denys Barry fined Williams $150 and ordered him to pay court costs of $130.

Sex with dead deer: WTF WISCONSIN, AMERICA - A 20-year-old man received probation after he was convicted of having sex with a dead deer.

The sentence also requires one Bryan James Hathaway to be evaluated as a sex offender and treated at the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health in Duluth, Minn.

“The state believes that particular place is the best to provide treatment for the individual,” Assistant District Attorney Jim Boughner told Yahoo News.

Britney Spears: Still Crazy Britney Spears has checked out of rehab, after doing a bare minimum of 27 days, leaving several times, and reportedly hooking into a washed-up rock star and some random guy in a bush. Sources say she is absolutely still mental and is expected to remain so for the rest of her life.

www.nexusmag.co.nz

News

Otago students: Hungry and stupid

By Ben Thomson - Critic

A duck was killed at the Dunedin Botanic Gardens recently and taken home to a student flat to be eaten for dinner.

Dunedin Botanic Gardens manager Alan Matchett is not amused. He says that he is aware that such incidents happen, but had not heard about this latest killing.

Senior Sergeant Chris Henderson said he couldn’t comment on the specific incident because he was not familiar with it, but he was also less than impressed.

It is understood that two flatmates went to the Gardens with the purpose of capturing a duck to eat for dinner. A duck was grabbed and was accidentally decapitated. The head was apparently tossed into a nearby bush.

The incident is said to have occurred in broad daylight. The duck was placed in a bag and returned to the flat. The flatmates began plucking it, but found it easier to remove its skin. They then put it in a plastic bag and froze it for a week. No one in the flat had ever cooked duck before so they researched recipes on the internet.

An inside source has revealed that the duck was eaten as an entrée to the main course of butter chicken.

OUSA does have systems in place to help students who cannot afford to pay for food. “Why steal a duck?” asks Steve Whiffen, from OUSA’s Student Support Centre. “There is a food bank here.”

Duck hunting season doesn’t start until May 5, so the two flatmates are in violation of the Fishing and Game Act. They could also be prosecuted under the Welfare of Animals Act because of the circumstances surrounding the duck’s death.

www.nexusmag.co.nz

NO, the cat piano doesn’t have HIV. news ed always forgets page word count so graphics ed has to fill up space

HIV statistics continue worrying trend

By Amy Joseph - Critic

Figures released by the AIDS Epidemiology Group show that 2006 was the second-worst year in the for AIDS/HIV diagnoses in New Zealand.

177 new HIV diagnoses were recorded - down from 2005 - but still “way up” on statistics recorded in 1997-2000, according to Rachael Le Mesurier, Executive Director of the New Zealand AIDS Foundation (NZAF).

Eighty-five people diagnosed last year were infected through heterosexual contact, included a record 45 women. Most contracted the disease overseas. “Heterosexual transmission occurring within New Zealand has always been and remains very limited,” Le Mesurier says. “The increase in heterosexual cases is largely the result of people contracting HIV in overseas countries and being diagnosed in New Zealand. Changes in immigration screening policies made in November 2005 mean more of these diagnoses have been picked up in 2006, which is good news in terms of public health.”

Sexual health nurse Debbie Williams, says that people can be more likely to “let loose” and engage in risky behaviour on their OE. Because HIV is not perceived as a major problem in New Zealand, travellers can fail to realise the risk of contracting the virus in other countries.

Seventy gay and bisexual men were also diagnosed with HIV last year, and 80 percent of infection occurring within New Zealand came from this group. NZAF wants to remind gay and bisexual men that it’s not who you are, but what you do that puts you at risk. “You don’t get HIV simply because you’re gay or bisexual – you get it by having anal sex without a condom,” NZAF Chair Hoani Jeremy Lambert says. “This is by far the riskiest thing you can do in terms of HIV, and all the evidence suggests that anal sex without condoms is how all the gay and bisexual men in 2006 who were infected through sexual transmission got it.”

Williams says that while the prevalence of HIV/AIDS in New Zealand is relatively low, students cannot pretend that there is no risk in unsafe sexual behaviour, and there are other more common STIs such as chlamydia. Students should also be aware that drug and alcohol use can lower inhibitions and lead to risky sexual behaviour.

ISSUE 5 · 26 MARCH, 2007

11

News

At this weeks WSU executive meeting: WSU staff member assaults reporter The WSU Executive Meeting of March 20 kicked off with some witty repartee between Nexus and Events Guy James “Elmo” Hartnett.

Apparently smouldering over Nexus printing everything he says in interviews, Elmo repeatedly punched the Nexus reporter in the arm as the Exec filed in, amid a buzz of conversation about Pringles, drinks dispensers and other things.

Disabilities Officer, Jeff Hawkes, proceeded to take a phone call as the meeting opened.

“Where are all my fucking Asians at?” he said, loudly and memorably. Sehai, glowing with a visible aura of power, asked him to step out of the room for phone calls. He didn’t do as he was asked, but he did hang the phone up quickly.

The meeting began and the apologies were dealt with. Education Officer Ben Delaney moved for the meeting to go into Strict Committee within about 4.6 seconds of the

meeting’s opening, setting a new world record.

Elmo, Nexus¸ and Union Manager David West dutifully left the meeting and sat rejected in the hallway, listening to an alarm bleating incessantly. Then Elmo decided to play table tennis. Sadly, strict committee ended just as Nexus was about to beat Elmo.

The heads of the Executive were down and papers were ruffling frantically when Nexus returned. Whatever was said in Strict must have been of vital, devastating importance.

There was a drone of “ayes,” as agenda items were approved. Things perked up when Elmo announced the forthcoming events.

There will be beer and events at the Village Green for $9 Billion Dollar Day, which marks the day student debt hits $9 billion, apparently.

“Can we have the Debt Monster?” whined Delaney. “Sure, why not,” soothed Elmo kindly.

Orgad, practically levitating with arcane energies, suggested that the events not include any student trips into the ghastly Lakes, as levels of “lead and other poisons,”

were – unsurprisingly – “high.”

Elmo also asked for approval to book the Performing Arts Academy for a Student Ball, a black tie event which will accommodate about 800 students. Plans were also underway for live music at the Village Green on Fridays, as well as the upcoming Uni Open Day. President Orgad, now perfectly transparent as the Power Cosmic within her reached critical mass, presented the Presidents Report. A new University College has been agreed to by the Vice Chancellor, in principle. The idea is that the College will unite the functions provided at present by various bridging programmes.

A bit like a Wananga, really. Orgad also told a riveting tale of about the architects presenting plans for the long-mooted Student Hub, which is apparently going to be built sometime in the next century.

Orgad’s orgasmic oration was always going to be a hard act to follow. Vice-President Moira Neho’s didn’t have a great deal to report and Delaney, possibly exhausted from his antics during strict committee, appeared to nod gently, perhaps sleeping, only to be rudely awakened when his phone screeched “NEW MESSAGE” about six times. He eventually took the hint and turned it off. Elmo punched Nexus in the arm a few more times and Nexus decided to leave the meeting early, rather than be subjected to such brutality.

Haiku News

BY DRUMMOND-SAN

Because procrastination is the mother of invention

Man injured in stingray attack Even after a ray got Steve Irwin, Poor divers, they aren’t learnin’

Bush praises NZ’s Pacific role Oh Bush, you poor stupid man Why aren’t you praising Our nuclear ban

Apple TV heads to US stores Apple: One more step Until iPods permanently Attach to your head.

12

ISSUE 5 · 26 MARCH, 2007

Internet scam offers $1m prize but there is a catch

NCEA good for employers, Business NZ says

There’s a catch?

Oh really, you think? $1 million dollars don’t come for free

Training up our youth Without the taste of failure.

Good for our future?

Let the games begin - PS3 and Xbox to clash online

Parking warden kicks armed man in the shins

Nerds of the world, assemble!

Unite, and fight To see who is master.

Burly man wants coin Parking warden kicks some ass Don’t mess with wardens

www.nexusmag.co.nz

This Week:

The Greens vs Act The minor political parties like nothing more than to send out endless screeds of press releases with their often grasping, fumbling takes on the latest news – with whopping doses of spin, of course. This week we present to you The Greens vs Act. This week’s releases had plenty to say about the cost of the Herceptin drug for breast cancer, with both parties unsurprisingly supporting a 12 month course instead of the offered nine-week one. There was also hullabaloo about government spending, with the Greens implying there should be much, much more and Act arguing there should be much, much less. We’ll present the winners of the competition after the articles.

The Greens

ACT

Can Roche justify cost of Herceptin?

New Zealand women with HER2-positive breast cancer will be disappointed that they are being offered only a nine week course of Herceptin instead of the recommended 12-month course of the drug, Green MP Sue Kedgley says.

“However questions need to be asked of the distributor of the drug, Roche, as to why Herceptin is so expensive.

“It is hard to believe that a 12 month course of Herceptin could cost around $100,000. If Roche were able to offer it at a more reasonable price, then more women would be able to access the drug,” Ms Kedgley, the Party’s Health Spokesperson, says.

“Where pharmaceutical companies are seeking a major subsidy from government—particularly for hugely expensive drugs like Herceptin - there should be some transparent process available to ensure that the subsidy is going to fund the drug, and not go into company profits.

Widespread concern about new welfare legislation

As select committee hearings conclude today on the new Social Security Amendment Bill, a rising level of concern is being expressed by beneficiary advocacy groups, disabled persons and church and community organizations about the likely impact of the Bill, Green Party Social Development Spokesperson Sue Bradford says.

Ms Bradford outlined the Greens opposition to the Bill in a speech delivered at the ‘Where to For Welfare’ conference held today at Auckland University.

‘Increasingly, Labour and National are taking virtually identical positions on welfare. To their mutual shame, they are both pushing for greater work-testing for invalids, sickness and solo parent beneficiaries, and both seem willfully blind to the fact that benefit levels are too low for either individuals or families to live on.

This week’s winner of the Press Release Battle is Act, because they didn’t give us nearly as much to wade through as the Greens. They also tended to beat those careless Greens at such things as Spelling and Grammar, as well www.nexusmag.co.nz

ACC’s $5 Million Dollar Pat On The Back ACC’s “Covered” advertising campaign will cost Kiwi taxpayers $5.1 million over the next four years, and answers to Parliamentary Questions reveal that ACC’s current television, newspaper, internet and planned radio advertisements are setting taxpayers back more than $2.3 million, says ACT MP Heather Roy. “ACC is a state owned monopoly - there is no competition, no choice for the public, and it uses taxpayers’ money. Instead of using that money to help injured Kiwis, it is diverting it to self-promotion”, Mrs Roy said.

Nine Weeks Of Herceptin - The Cheap Option For Kiwi Women Provisional approval from District Health Boards for a nine-week course of Herceptin is a cost-cutting measure that will fail thousands of Kiwi women with HER2-positive breast cancer, says ACT Health Spokesman Heather Roy. “There will be a great deal of disappointment that approval for a full 12-month course of Herceptin has not been announced - as it has been in 23 other OECD countries including Australia”, Mrs Roy said.

“Offering a nine-week course will be seen as cost cutting by those suffering from a very serious condition. Kiwi women with HER2-positive breast cancer deserve the highest standard of treatment - and that means a full 12-month course of Herceptin.

“The Government should explain why, when one tax dollar in five is being spent on health, we still can’t offer women the same standard of treatment they’d receive across the Tasman.

“Svend Petersen, Managing Director of Roche Products (New Zealand) Ltd, pointed out last month that ‘only a full year-long course is proven to save lives’ and that ‘New Zealand is the only country considering funding for nine weeks, and this is based purely on financial reasons’.

as including a rather fetching photo of some woman, and using a much friendlier font (Arial as opposed to the male patriachial hegemonic Times New Roman, weirdly favoured by the Greens) The Greens lose out for suggesting

that those damn dirty dole bludgers might be encouraged to lift their game and get jobs - if only we gave them more money.

Next week: National vs Labour! Maybe.

ISSUE 5 · 26 MARCH, 2007

13

LETTUCE Letter of the week Abuse of wives and children a privilege, not a right It seems ludicrous to outlaw the abuse of children. First they stopped me beating my wife even though she is my property, 80% of New Zealanders opposed the bill and it never did her any harm. How am I supposed to teach her anything? Now they say I can’t beat the shit out of my kids. It is my god given right to abuse power over my children and take out my frustrations that I derive from being an illiterate redneck on their squishy sensitive skin. Soon they will stop me from screaming at them too, I won’t even be able to speak to my kids and the whole country is going to ruins.

In Sweden where they have outlawed the abuse of children they have less than 10% of the child deaths from parental violence that we have.

That’s ten times more children who deserved to die for disrespecting their parents but got away with it. Those little bastards! Don’t they read the Bible? God lets me kill my children. The state should mind its own business TalkbackRadiofan Thanks for the letter TalkbackRadiofan. Come get your $5 Campus Kiosk voucher from the Nexus office in the Student Union Building.

A horror-ble letter Dear Nexus, Joe Citizen tells us that the horror genre is defined by its use of a narrative device in which the protagonists “overcome adversity by becoming the thing that [they] hate”; and that “the survivor(s) must become like [the] monsters to conquer them” (Film Review, Issue 4).

Unfortunately Joe has a bit of retard on.

Horror, as a genre, has never ever suggested that the main characters must take on traits of 14

ISSUE 5 · 26 MARCH, 2007

Get it to nexus@waikato.ac.nz by 5pm and Tues for the final issue – our study week special.

Letter of the week wins a $5 voucher from Campus Kiosk (up at the Cowshed) Alternatively, sign up to www.nexusmag.co.nz/forum and post your letters, notices, events, discuss various student topics and issues and just shoot the shit.

the monster in order to be victorious. In fact, it is quite the opposite; humanity triumphs exactly because we are unlike the monster.

In zombie movies, for example, characters don’t take on zombie-like characteristics in order to defeat the horde; they use their wit and cunning – which is exactly what zombies lack. In vampire movies, the vampire lacks compassion and the ability to feel real love, but it is the human character’s possession of these very traits which lead to the vampire’s downfall. Where monsters can only think of their own lusts, humans possess the capacity for selflessness and sacrifice. Where monsters represent profane knowledge and cynicism, humans triumph through faith and hope.

If there is a horror formula (at least for movies), the leading contender is (es+u+cs+t)2 +s+ (tl+f)/2 + (a+dr+fs)/n + sinx – 1, which was developed by some nerds from Kings College London in 2004.

Please don’t allow Mr. Citizen to ever write anything in your magazine again.

Regards, Vlad the Inhaler

Munter Manners Holla!

I went out recently in town and noticed some interesting things. Before passing a guy being sick outside Bahama, i strolled on in to see the usual: teeny boppers in their skanky little clothing, the out-of towners looking for some fresh meat and some rather looking dodgy middle ages men sipping their drinks slowly, what a mix. Iv become to realise in town that some rules/ common attitudes we have: 1. If your looking for some hanky panky dance like ya mean it 2. If ya just having a girls night out, stick closely to them, turn your back to any wondering guys trying to ease their way into the dance circle.

3. Bumping into people: saying sorry with a smile saves a good punch up/chick fight Thats all for now, just like to shout out to the best TGoup: G601 - you rock my socks. Holla ya all!

Hollerer

Chickens not fed chicken Dear Editor, Responding to vegan psych students letter in regards to psych 314 Behaviour Analysis, and ‘experimenting with animals’ namely the chicken. Thanks you brought up some interesting points to ponder over. I just wanted to say, rest assured there is no requirement whatsoever for students to eat (or hurt) the chicken. Doing so may get you arrested. You just go down to the research centre a couple of times per week for an hour or two (or however long it takes), and feed the chicken healthy vegetarian food pellets on schedules of reinforcement.

Ideally, this project should increase understanding of the behavioural approach in shaping behaviours and learning. To further put your mind at ease staff down there are good to humans and animals (definitely a coveted attribute in the world of psychology). Additionally, I also heard you cannot use derogatory names for your chicken, such as KFC. If your tutor is an animal activist without a sense of humour, you could possibly lose marks. On a more serious note there are ethical guidelines concerning animal research which endeavours to protect animal rights.

And on behalf of those of us who run around campus with chicken feather phobia or beak phobia, we most certainly agree with you that live chicken experimentation may not be the most suitable forum for some psychology students. While flooding may do the trick, in vivo

Lettuce Policy Nexus welcomes your letters and encourages debate through the letters page. Keep it under 250 words.

Letters must be received by 5pm on the Tuesday before publication.

Letters may be edited for sense, brevity or legal reasons. No correspondence will be entered into over unpublished or edited letters. Pseudonyms are acceptable but all letters must include your real name and contact details even if you don’t want them printed (and they won’t be printed!). We discourage the use of pseudonyms for serious letters.

www.nexusmag.co.nz

Lettuce

(a gradual systematic approach to live exposure) may be better, that is “one feather at a time!”

Ovah

There is nothing wrong with making animals do the bidding of human beings As you are a third year psychology student you should by now be well versed in the definition of an ‘experiment’. To re-educate you: the testing of any hypothesis in some conductive manner can count as an experiment. Thus, I could place a cat door in one of my human doors at home and watch to see (and perhaps train – modify the behaviour of the cat) if it walks through the door. Yet according to you, my behaviour here would be inhumane.

I suggest you inquire further as to the exact behaviour modification you are being asked to perform before you make the judgement that anything involving animal experimentation must be unacceptable. Indeed, if you were to make a formal complaint using the arguments you have used in your Nexus letter, it may hinder your later progress within the department as you would have shown yourself to be ignorant of your chosen subject (and basic concepts in Psychology), and also to have provided evidence that you have no initiative to learn the better.

Anna

Mr Safety Bigglesworth taking safety too far Dear Nexus There were two subjects that caught my eye in the magazine last week.

Firsty, Mr Safety Bigglesworth. For someone trying to fight against stupidity, perhaps you should be fighting your ignorance instead. Its not stupid to park on the grass, its desperation. Its common knowlege that the carpark is full after about 10am, hence for some people they have no option but to park on the grass. I was running late for a 2pm test last year and couldn’t find a carpark, so I had to park on the grass and sprint.

Luckily the test was only an hour long and my car wasn’t clamped by the end of it.

Isn’t it obvious that there needs to be a more positive attitude towards drivers? I mean the carpark is completely full every day - lots of people drive and telling us to bus or bike instead is just plain rude. So have some respect.

www.nexusmag.co.nz

Secondly, David from Hillcrest. The seats they put in at the banks are cool, I eat my lunch there now. Stop being so negative, it doesn’t get you anywhere. Its not a fuck up, they tried to do something good. Just like the coke mural that was actually nicer than bare shitty concrete, but some cock had to go and deface it; sure they could’ve put something better, but at least they did something in the first place!

Regards, Burnout King

Appreciation for Brian Kia Ora Brian, Dude it is good to see that I have some people out there who use to read my meagre offerings in Nexus. I appreciate your few words of encouragement.

To you Maori groups out there who think the answer to the KA problem is to start a new group - you got to be joking. If everytime things got hard, simply hide your head under the sand like a real twat of an ostrich.

As I see it you have two different versions of whether to be a representative group you need to be incorporated - both are true dependent on their function.

Two groups were awarded money last year and if I were these groups I would be ensuring that their accounts are up to scratch. For those not in the know - when WSU gives you money you have to account for that money to allow them to balance their accounts - I cant wait to see how this plays out (ne ra Te Whakahiapo).

Those who are wondering what minutes I referred to in Nexus need only go and see the President - probably get the political answer however we all know how to read between the lines.

Now it is time for all the other Maori students in the other Schools to get together to receive WSU monies - get in before the door shuts due others being greedy.

Kahu Nikora

Finance students go head to head about, um, finance I can’t really believe I am doing what the title of this letter suggests, but after reading the letter by ‘pissed off’ this week I couldn’t help myself.

I did FINA201 last year, Ed Vos was the lecturer then too, and he taught it pretty much the same way. I must admit in the first few weeks I felt the same as Mr (I’m taking a stab

there) Pissed Off, I thought the first few weeks were worthless. We learnt about Chinese Philosophy, Quantum Physics, and Sex (he says sex lots and gets far to excited about it, in the end this was what I disliked the most about him).

I was very much contemplating complaining to the Management school about the lecturing and how worthless the subject was. But instead I just went to lectures and read Nexus while paying vague attention to Ed. It turns out that by the end of the course you will realise how much that video (“What the bleep do we know?”) fits in very nicely with how he teaches Finance. By the end of the course you will see why he brought up all that stuff and how, though strange, it does link with the course.

I also can’t figure how you didn’t mention that he makes you buy a random book (“The last hours of the ancient sunlight”) and expects you to read it. This book was surprisingly interesting, and once again can be linked into the financial principals he is trying to teach.

In the end all you need to know is how to use your financial calculator and how to use PV, FV etc functions in excel (having a team of people email around the tutorial answers helps too). In the exam there will be a question about the book and the film, but because you only have to choose 4 of the 6 questions you don’t actually have to get examined on these things if they meant nothing to you.

Give the course a little bit more time to develop and you will see how everything that seems pointless now actually does fit into what he is trying to teach.

And it starts…

I heard a rumour that one of the WSU execs thinks it will be a good idea to have a referendum about the WSU’s association with the national association. I’d just like to say that whoever thinks that is a good idea is clearly retarded. Can we all just remember back to when the exec were so fucked that they couldn’t even hold their own OSMs without a rep from NZUSA coming to help them? What’s to stop that happening again? It should be compulsory for new exec members to have to read a detailed history of the student union so that they have some idea of what shit us students have already been put through by their ridiculous antics. Here we go again.

Completely without hope

ISSUE 5 · 26 MARCH, 2007

15

Lettuce

AND IF YOU DON’T I’M GONNA YELL!!

To Nexus readers, Currently renewing my student visa through the university’s international centre, I had to pay a fee of $120 at Finance on monday 12th. There were two people in front of me in the queue, I waited 45 MINUTES to be served and by then there were another 5 people behind me. Another person behind me got really pissed off and I want to say that in the $120 fee, $50 dollars is paid as “administration fee” and those ladies working at Finance were working slower than a snail! There was one at the counter and another doing whatever at her desk. We bloody pay them sooo much money to do their job and they don’t!

To the people at Finance: YOU ARE PAID TO DO THE WORK BY US STUDENTS THROUGH OUR FEES SO DO IT AND TREAT US RIGHT!!!

From a very annoyed international student!

Christians and Pagans kiss and makeup, out of wedlock Dear Renee Solomona.

Thanks for the letter in response to mine own. I also have an apology to make. I did go a bit overboard in my criticism of Crossroads considering the only link to you and the immature behaviour of someone was the vicinity of your chalking to the Pagan Club’s. Apart from that I don’t really have a leg to stand on on that point. Hope you guys have a good year too.

Secondly, smacking reform bill ammendment thing. DARGH! Sheer social engineering, a waste of time and money. I

really wish this ammendment had gone the same place as the dog microchipping laws... in the ‘WTF were we thinking?!?’ pile. It’s not gonna stop child abuse, it will however make our child-abuse statistics look worse. Given this current trend, in ten years time, adults will not be allowed physical contact with children because 0.001% of the population have anger issues or are creepy child molesterors.

That is all Harlief Skankhammer II

We take it this is the Jason off those McDonalds ads who kept selling his parents shit Dear Santa Thank you for banning smacking because I hate eating carrots and also I like playing GI Joes on the road with the toaster by the swimming pool and before my stupid parents wouldn’t let me because they don’t know how to have fun but now they can’t stop me.

From Jason (16 years)

Disgusting library behaviour Dear Ed, This is to all those who write into books that are not theirs: What is it with all you guys that you think, marking text in library books is a permissible thing to do? It sucks big time! Yes, even the pencil scribbling!

I am quite sure that that author thought this paragraph was a good idea even before

ADVICE BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE

CITIZENS ADVICE BUREAU

Too much gas Roland went to a Service Station and paid $15 for petrol. The assistant put the petrol in and called out that it was $54 worth. Roland couldn’t pay the extra. The service station took his licence number and said he was liable for the extra petrol.

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 11am – 2pm daily during semesters or phone 838 4466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB. By the way a contract was made with the Service Station when Roland paid the $15. The service station made the mistake. Roland should contact the Service Station’s Customer Service Centre.

16

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you noted on the side “Good Idea!!”. It’s not your book. It doesn’t matter whether you use highlighter pens (doubly rude) or pens (equally rude) or pencils (who’s gonna erase them, you?).

It doesn’t help your learning to mark or underline headings, they are already in bold font so that one can see them better, they can very well do without green or yellow background. Oh yes, and “books that describe ways in which quantitative data can be analyzed are called statitics books” might be funny but does not call for underlining it at all. If you don’t know how to effectively read books and take notes from them, go to the TLDU but don’t let your brainwaste soil common property of all students. It’s rude, unnecessary and diverts funds and time of the library that can be used for better purposes than erasing pencil comments of dumb students.

Oh, and if you feel clever enough to solve questions at the end of the chapter, give your fellow students a chance by NOT ticking the boxes in the book, you lazy shit! You can write your answer on a piece of paper instead of writing your attempt of an answer next to the question. Others might want to test themselves without the suggestions of generations of other course particpants right next to the question.

You’re likely to be wrong if you’re dumb enough to spoil a library book.

Have a nice day, and don’t go to the library today. actual library user

The poo is driving people crazy Dear Editor I agree with David from Hillcrest that something has to be done about the poo smell

by Oranga and the banks. It is absolutely disgusting and I think it might be a public health risk. How can this university claim it’s worldclass and at the same time be so completely third world that the students have to walk around sniffing the aroma of their own shit every day.

And don’t try to tell us it’s the ducks, everyone knows that duck shit smells like oranges. This university is a mess. And people laugh at me when I say I go here, which doesn’t help things much either.

Moving to Otago Brian Check out page 13 on how to submit your letters and be eligible to win a $5 Campus Kiosk voucher.

www.nexusmag.co.nz

OPINION

Reflections on the ‘anti-smacking’ bill

By Vince Malcolm-Buchanan

F

or parents and those yet to

embark on such a journey, the anti-smacking debate, Sue Bradford’s bill and the impending consequences are of significant interest. The unilateral protection of those most innocent members of our society must remain a foremost priority and subsequently the state and its agencies should be duly empowered to protect that most precious aspect of the family unit – our children.

I, however, remain unconvinced that Bradford and her political comrades have taken into full consideration the complex aspects of this bill which may well lead to the emergence of more problematic issues for our nation.

In 2006, and continuing in 2007, the NZ Police embarked on a nationwide advertising campaign seeking desperately needed recruits to alleviate both the mounting workload pressure (stemming from already overstretched law-enforcement resources), and growing incidents of unsolved and occurring crime. This latest legislative development is, by its very nature, bound to directly impact upon those indisputably limited resources and ultimately, should enough pressure come to bear, something will have to ‘give’. Of course, it may well be a simple matter of topping up those already over-stretched and limited lawenforcement resources, but such measures thereby necessitate contingent funding, more often requiring an increase in tax revenues; another issue on which seemingly all New Zealanders have varying perspectives The amorphous aspects of ‘reasonable force’ also leads me to believe that our society is inadvertently introducing a legislative measure which does not allow for, or differentiate, distinct cultural perspectives.

Potentially, the familial variables between those numerous cultures within our society could now be superseded by a singularly 18

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ethnocentric piece of legislation. Has NZ society forgotten what occurred in the Dawn Raids? At its most extreme this could quite possibly result in varying degrees of open vilification of minority groups (Islamic, Pacifican, Maori) premised on this particularly Eurocentric approach to the standardising of parental disciplinary parameters. In protecting the welfare of children, the state is none-theless bringing into considerable dispute the predominantly functional efficacy of all NZ parents.

History reveals the clandestine social phenomenon by which a society’s definably unlawful activities do not immediately cease from occurring subsequent to the

introduction of opposing legislation. Instead, such behaviour becomes consigned to the ‘backdrops’ of our society. That is to say, whether we openly admit it or not, the fact remains that when lawfully abiding citizens engage in unlawful conduct (be it illegally parking, purchasing ‘black-market’ products, or so forth), we by and large prefer not to disclose such behaviour to the scrutiny of the wider community. Parents who reveal a practice of ‘disciplinary smacking’ beyond the parameters of this legislation will now be open to possible prosecution subject to undue reasonable force. It would be only natural therefore that such parents will learn to deny

any such practices from both state authorities and each other. Aligned with these concerns of judiciary prosecution and social persecution, there similarly arises apprehension that the state, in intervening, can thereby forcibly remove children from their homes – to be deemed temporary ‘wards of the state’. For anyone intimately familiar with such extreme consequences, this is by no means an outcome that you would willingly inflict upon any child, least of all your own.

I am of no doubt that the socio-cultural landscape of our nation is progressively transforming; to do otherwise would be tantamount to collective stagnation. I am also of no doubt that all citizens of our nation should appropriately expect to be protected and served by State enforcement agencies, institutions and policies. I however remain in doubt that Sue Bradford and our duly appointed Ministerial representatives have allowed for adequate forethought, preparation and informed consensus to, for, and of all parents, care-givers and guardians; the vast majority who unarguably already protect and serve the interests of our children, not out of duty as assigned by the State, but quite naturally out of unadulterated love.

Personally, I am all too grateful for having been raised in an environment of boundless love, where the occasional smacking served to develop my own sense of boundaries, wellbeing and productivity. As a parent, I am also all too aware that the inherent complexities in this issue extend far beyond the parameters of this singular legislation.

As an academic, this brief critique is only intended to reflect but a few of my personal reflections in regards to this issue; and I would emphasise that I am neither for or against the introduction of this bill – I simply cannot agree that this is the absolute best solution that we have arrived at, and I am concerned that this bill will, in its current format, open a potential Pandora’s Box of familial and social anomalies which I doubt have been given enough serious consideration. www.nexusmag.co.nz

The

Exchange

By Paora Matu Kia ora koutou from Lancaster University in the northwest of England, By now you guys will be passed O’week and settling into the mahi (or not). By comparison the second term will finish here on Friday and then we are on break for four weeks before the third term and exams. My final exams finish in the third week of next term – seven weeks early. However, the accommodation contracts that we are made to sign before we know our exam dates mean that I must pay until the end of term. A bit of a scam - something I am sure our student union would rally against.

Lancaster Uni is huge – 250 acres. There are approximately 10,000 students here and most of us live on campus in what are known as ‘colleges’. I estimate that there are about 900 students in my college (I suppose I could ask) and there are eight other colleges on this campus. The colleges are pretty much like our halls except we have a caretaker/porter guy on duty 24/7 and communal kitchens on all floors where we do our own cooking. Each of these colleges also have their own computer labs but the most surprising thing about them is that they each have their own bars - much like The Don but bigger! Events are happening all over the place every week and it’s possible to have your own pubcrawl without leaving the campus. Having said that though, it’s a fair hike back from the other end of campus. If you think the booze culture is bad at Waikato come and have a look here. I’m a saint by comparison!

My first impressions of London were that it is grey and dreary.

However, I was there last week and it was really enjoyable in the sunshine. The weather is shocking here at Lancaster. Mostly windy and wet. Like the worst day in Hamilton but 90% of the time.

Apparently summer (next month) is awesome - I’m looking forward to that.

It’s really cool getting mail from friends and whanau (hint hint) but a big shout out to Elmo, Kirsty and the WSU for the wicked O week package that turned up here - tumeke!! The enclosed photo was a bit suss though. It’s been primo wandering around here with my Waikato Uni gear on, especially knowing the Kiwis are rocking in rugby and cricket at the moment.

Next instalment: the exchange process, sport, lectures and photos.

www.nexusmag.co.nz

Bar Review Kremlin Bar

BY COMMUNIST CYRIL Hey there kiddies! Put down your White Kristov and Diet KGB because the new Russian experience is hitting town and I don’t mean me with a summer tan.

As you may have seen, a new bar/club/watering hole has opened on Victoria Street and, as the title of this review might suggest, it’s called the Kremlin Bar. Located halfway between Venom and Skycity, the Kremlin bar might seem like too much of a walk, but let me assure you - it’ll be the best decision you’ve made that night since (hopefully) deciding to wear clean underwear.

The Kremlin Bar’s Russian theme extends to much more than its name.

Being New Zealand’s premier Vodka bar, an extensive and thoroughly impressive range of Russian vodkas are on offer.

Furthermore, they can all be served in a traditional Russian manner; in a shot glass with a side of gherkin, caviar or herring. If that isn’t your thing then you can rely on the staff’s cocktail making skills.

Each week a new cocktail is developed by the manager, always featuring Russian vodka and a dash of mad skills. Speaking of which, this is the only place in the CBD where high end cocktail making skills like caramelizing fruit are used. You’ll also be taught how to drink properly, Russia-styles. A number of the staff are familiar faces from Sekure, while the others are genuine, 100% real, in the flesh Russian. For a dollar you can pet them, or me (please pick me).

The Kremlin has a great layout and design. Looking in from the outside it doesn’t look so huge, so you’d be surprised to discover that the Kremlin bar has no less than two bars, pool tables, a large lounge area, booths, a sizeable dance floor and a number of stools littered across the premises. Along with the impressive setting, a number of smaller details stand out which make this bar truly unique. The Russian posters on the wall, red stars on the lights, outdoor chess tables, a themed daytime food menu and anti-alcoholic posters above the male toilets.

In short, you should at least check the Kremlin bar out, undoubtedly you’ll want to return. And as an extra bonus, I’m there and I’ve been working out.

ISSUE 5 · 26 MARCH, 2007

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Feature

BY THE GELATINOUS BLOB

T

HE NEW RAGE ON THE INTERNET THESE DAYS IS SOCIAL NETWORKING

sites. These are “community based” web sites that allow people to meet and interact via the cold, hard screen of a computer monitor and fill their sad, personal voids by adding random strangers to increase their friend count and harass others to comment on their pictures.

But you can’t scoff at the numbers. MySpace, the largest of all social networking websites, currently boasts a membership of over 160 million users. Other sites such as Facebook, Bebo, Friendster and Orkut also boast international memberships in the millions but none quite as pervasive as MySpace.

The popularity of these sites is also apparent from corporate interest in their purchase.

In 2003, Google offered California-based Friendster US$30 million dollars, which was turned down by Friendster (and rightly so considering the business was valued at US$53 million in 2003). However, super popular MySpace (also based in California) was sold to News Corporation (the Rupert Murdoch owned 20

ISSUE 5 · 26 MARCH, 2007

company who also owns Fox) in July 2005 for US$580 million. That’s a lot of clams.

Interestingly enough, it is the website Bebo which is the most popular social networking tool for users in New Zealand; according to Hitwise.co.nz, Bebo ranks as the seventh most popular website for Kiwis to visit - MySpace sits at a close number 12.

So what is the allure of these social networking websites in the first place?

“At first I used MySpace to organise a local music event in Hamilton called the Circle Jerk,” Nexus’ editor Roz Case says.

“It was an easy way to keep bands and people informed about the event. Eventually I found it to be helpful for keeping in touch with

people I wouldn’t otherwise have kept in touch with. But I hate it all the same” These sites aren’t without their problems.

MySpace suffers from startling usability issues and server loads and maintenance, almost to the point of driving people away from the website. Bebo also suffers from slow speeds due to server load (Internet stat site Alexa rates 72 per cent of websites as faster than Bebo) and newcomer site Virb.com also experiences random slow downs and strange errors - an unfortunate consequence of their social networking success.

Since there are so many of these dangblasted social networking sites, I have decided to compare and contrast the various websites against a certain criteria to help you understand and appreciate the love and hate nature of online social interaction.

www.nexusmag.co.nz

Feature

Perhaps the biggest problem with MySpace is the amount of retarded people with stupidly ugly profile pages (so ugly they would make the baby Cthulhu cry) MySpace www.myspace.com When using MySpace, you’d never expect it to be the 5th most popular website in the world.

The usability of MySpace is very poor as the interface is poorly designed - and constructed - and the presentation is just goddamn ugly.

Still, one cannot argue with the numbers.

MySpace allows users to set up a profile page that lists various interests and favourite items and members can write a bit about who they are and people they want to meet.

The stock-standard features of blog writing, picture and video posting and various kinds of commenting are apparent. Other interesting features are assigning a music track, from a band that has a MySpace page, to your profile page; groups, whereby you can communicate with other group members via a message board; networking tools where members

can add the types of job abilities they can do and find others who can do similar; school groups; event listings; watch movies, listen to music, comedy shows, the list goes on and on.

There’s definitely something for everyone, if you can manage to navigate the backend.

Perhaps the biggest problem with MySpace is the amount of retarded people with stupidly ugly profile pages (so ugly they would make the baby Cthulhu cry). These are usually the same people who become notorious for regularly sending out “bulletins”, which are messages sent to everyone on your friends list, mostly about what X did to Y, the latest spam messages and other retarded slosh such as brainless questionnaires and quizzes that no-one gives a fuck about, unless they’re completely bored at work/in class and have nothing better to do than read someone’s MySpace page. Did we mention the infuriating advertising? It seems they’ve chopped back a bit on the really annoying pop-ups but that

might be because Nexus runs Firefox with AdBlock.

Overall, MySpace wins points for having a mother load of users, most likely a whole lot of people you know and can network with. It’s a great tool for bands too, as it can provide direct feedback from the fans to the band and vice versa and it makes it easy to organise and advertise shows. But it’s still such a freakin’ ugly website and a pain in the arse to customise your profile page.

MYSPACE FRONT PAGE www.nexusmag.co.nz

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Feature

NEO-CONS!

Bebo www.bebo.com Aside from the stupid name, it seems OK. Heck of a lot nicer looking than MySpace but even a picture of a runny poo would be better to look at than MySpace. Bebo looks like some kind of bubblegum train wreck where everyone explodes into bubbles and shits lollipops.

Bebo has all the basic functions: blogs, pictures (which you can organise into albums), commenting, friend lists. It also adds to the mix Quizzes; Polls (who really needs this shit anyway? Answer: Attention whores); Widgets (which allow you to add various extras like slideshows and so on); and a white board, which lets visitors draw rude pictures of ejaculating penises on your profile. Bebo also has other website features like TV/video, bands and an interesting new addition of authors.

It’s hard to find any bad things to say about Bebo. So far, while the design is tidier than MySpace, it still doesn’t stop some people from having extremely bad looking profiles.

The extra junk in the profile pages adds to the clutter and quizzes and polls just encourage retards to post stupid and inane content. The network features aren’t as good as MySpace, and the customisability of Bebo lacks compared to competitor websites. It’s a pretty average performing site and that’s as much of a good thing as it is bad.

Bebo is nice and tidy and will generally work well for keeping you in touch with your circle of friends. Finding new bands and music is represented but by no means as comprehensive as MySpace. The simplicity compared to MySpace is a good thing, and we approve.

Facebook www.facebook.com Initially started as a way for college mates to stay in touch, Facebook has done the usual “expand at the seams” as everyone jumps in its suit and has a fun party. The interesting thing about Facebook is that you have to sign up to view anyone’s profile, which is as much of a pain in the arse (for internet stalkers) as it is a most intelligent and smart thing for an internet social service provider to do.

Facebook gives a slightly different angle to social networking compared to MySpace and Bebo. While you can still add photos (complete with albums – the number of photos you can stick on is unlimited, which is a nice touch) and post blogs (called “notes”), the whole “filling in your information” is really quite extensive and only for the truly narcissistic people who have the patience to write scads and scads in form fields about their various likes and dislikes. It asserts itself as a great contacts tool with its storing of phone numbers, addresses and you can control who can view them too.

Probably the greatest thing about Facebook is the amount of privacy you can inflict on your profile page. For starters, you can’t view a person’s profile unless you have a Facebook account. You also can’t view a person’s account unless you, or they, have requested/approved a friendship. You can control what people can look at and that level of privacy is pretty handy and almost necessary to have.

Facebook has a very nice and clean presentation, compared to other sites which allow their users to go crazy and post all manners of animated images and image macros. Facebook only allows members to express their personality via the information they submit. Which is a nice way of getting around the issue of terribly constructed profile pages and keeps everything in a nice, unified, neo-con style.

Its privacy settings can also be its downfall.

It’s hard to find those who you know (or don’t know) and view their profiles. Maybe I want to be friends with Juarez from Argentina? I’ll have to send him a message first (or “poke” him.

There’s a poking feature on the site) before we can do any kind of mutual profile viewing, so if you’re wanting to try and find new people then that can be a bit of a detracting feature.

But you can’t fault the clean look, shiny easy-to-use features and control over privacy.

Fundamentalist christians and right-wingers will love this site.

Other sites BeMate www.bemate.co.nz The rush to establish social community sites has settled down in New Zealand with the recent launch of Hamilton-based website “BeMate”. It’s very similar in look and features to Facebook and offers the minimal profile aesthetic style that Facebook employs. You can view other peoples’ profiles without the annoying process of having to add them as a friend, but you will have to register and log in.

It seems pretty nice and useable and very relevant to students with its audience consisting mainly of Waikato students from Uni and WINTEC. Infact, even Nexus has a profile.

Virb www.virb.com Virb is one of the new kids on the social networking block. Established in 2006 its makers were previously cutting their teeth on an ambitious project called Pure Volume which is basically social networking aimed towards music groups.

It seems they saw the value in expanding to feature users as well as bands as Virb confidently and quite elegantly accomodates for those two, as well as organisations.

Virb is like a styly upmarket shop, compared to MySpace being like The Warehouse, Bebo like Toy World and Facebook like a Bank. Virb has shown in its short lifespan that social networking can be easy and elegant.

some fuckwit on bebo

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Wednesday 4th April 1 – 2 PM (Cultural Hour) Held at the Village Green All students are invited to attended the WSU Open Students’ Meeting that discusses and votes on student issues. The meeting’s agenda will be available to view from Wednesday, 28th March at the WSU Reception (Student Union Building) and WSU noticeboards.

Free BBQ sausages provided!

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Construct a hermaphrodite by cutting, pasting and drawing on whatever extras to the bare figure and hand in your entry to win a cool MASH prize pack consisting of three MASH energy lagers and a MASH t-shirt!

Bring your entries in before 5 PM, Thursday 29th March, and the most creative one will win the prize pack!

You are encouraged to draw your own items to stick on to the hermaphrodite. Go crazy wild!

CONDITIONS: Entrants must be 18 or over to enter.

Proof of age will be required to claim prize. Winners will be decided on Sunday, 1st April and published on Monday, 2nd April. Judges decision is final and no correspondence will be entered into!

Feature

I

t’s quite obvious that you just

can’t stop yourself from going to lectures. As much as you try to refrain, there is something about L block which just pulls your body in like a paper clip to a magnet.

You wake up in the morning and leap from your bed already dressed, so desperate are you to make your way to class. It doesn’t matter what class it is, you don’t care! You just need to be there, sucking up all the learning, sitting up the front arguing with the lecturer, forgetting to turn your mobile off.

We understand you need to go to as many lectures as possible during your time as a student so we asked around and found out which lectures in the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences are absolutely not-to-be-missed.

Even if you’re not enrolled in the paper, you need to go to these classes or else your soul will be forever empty.

N.B. We might have the dates, times and locations of these lectures all up the wazudle.

That’s because we’re basing most of our information on out-of-date course outlines.

This is responsible media. If you really want to go to one of these classes, it would be worth checking it out with the department closer to the time. And don’t tell them you didn’t pay.

Screen and Media SMST319: Game Studies This paper is about video games. You get to talk about video games, look at video games and even play video games. Then you get to write about video games. The aim of Game Studies is to examine video games from a critical and creative perspective. By the end of the paper you should be really, really good at playing video games. You also might have 26

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some idea about how to make a video game, which would you make you really popular.

Well, maybe not popular. But it might one day make you really rich.

Unmissable Class: Adult Oriented Themes (i.e. sex) in video games. Monday 8th October, 4-6pm in I.1.01 This class can’t be missed, obviously, because there is a chance that the lecturer will talk about sex.

Philosophy PHIL106: Social and Moral Philosophy This paper used to be offered in the A semester but now it’s offered in the B semester. So it’s a little difficult for us to extrapolate from last year’s course outline exactly where and when these classes are going to occur. But you can guarantee that this paper attracts all sorts of crazies.

Fundamentalist Christians will battle Atheists to work out who is the winner in the morals department. Of course, the Atheists will win but that is aside from the point.

Unmissable Class: Abortion. We don’t know where or when, but we think it will be sometime in week 6 of the b semester. There will be two lectures in the week so people can really get their teeth in to the abortion debate and maybe have a really good yell at each other. You can guarantee it will only be men fighting as well, because they’re so passionate about not having uteruses.

Psychology PSYC580: The Psychology of Criminal Conduct

Most people think this paper is going to be super interesting because it is about criminals.

In fact, it’s not as exciting as one might expect.

Good psychologists might want to learn how to create and provide interventions for offenders in order to reduce their risk of reoffending, but the majority of people in this class won’t go on to become good psychologists. They’re just voyeurs, hoping to find out something new about paedophiles. However, this paper does have a bright spot…

Unmissable Class: Psychopathy. Wednesday 15 August in J.2.18 This class is presented by a guest lecturer, Dr Nick Wilson, who is a senior clinical psychologist at the Department of Corrections and has spent most of his career researching and working with psychopaths. Dr Nick is almost disturbingly blasé on the subject, such is his expertise. Students can expect to be shocked and horrified by his ‘murder in the rec room’ tale, which he tells with such unashamed delight. A definite must-see for all Lynch fans.

Sociology SOCY202: Popular Culture This paper is one of the choicest papers on offer in the entire university. We recommend you attend every lecture as it will give you an understanding of what a completely deranged society you live in.

Unmissable Class: They’re all unmissable. This is the sort of course outline you salivate over. Lecture titles like ‘Tony Bruce: The Sports Café Guide to Kiwi Masculinity’, ‘Can you help me Dr Phil?’ and ‘Disney on Film’ provide just a taste of the pure sociological ecstasy on offer from this paper. www.nexusmag.co.nz

Burden eased for overseas student loan borrowers The passage last week of a student loan scheme bill will make life easier for borrowers who are overseas and simplifies the administration of the student loan scheme, according to Tertiary Education Minister Michael Cullen and Revenue Minister Peter Dunne.

The changes for borrowers who are overseas include a repayment holiday of up to three years, new repayment obligations, extension of interest-free loans to full-time undergraduates, and extension of the amnesty for those who have fallen into arrears with their payments.

Other changes in the Student Loan Amendment Bill include a reduction in the late payment penalty for all borrowers, and allowing data matching between Inland Revenue and Customs to ensure correct entitlement to interest-free loans.

“The changes bring the student loan scheme rules into line with the aims of interest-free loans, one of which is to reduce barriers to the return of skilled New Zealanders,” the Ministers said.

“The new rules recognise that it is not always easy for people to repay their loans while doing their OE and working in holiday jobs, so it is probably unrealistic to expect them to make regular repayments under those circumstances.

“By making it easier for them to repay their student loans and avoid mounting debt, we remove a disincentive for them to return to New Zealand when they are ready.

“At the same time, the introduction last year of interest-free loans that are generally limited to borrowers living in New Zealand has increased financial incentives for borrowers to leave New Zealand without informing Inland Revenue, because their loans would then attract interest.

“That is the reason for introducing data matching between Inland Revenue and New Zealand Customs, to ensure that only those entitled to interest-free loans have access to them.

“The bill also reduces the late payment penalty for all borrowers, here and overseas, to make it less punitive, and amends the hardship provisions to give greater flexibility to Inland Revenue in requiring payment.

“Borrowers will receive more information about the changes that affect them in a newsletter that will be enclosed with their Inland Revenue statement of account, which they will receive in early May,” said the Ministers.

“I welcome these changes, which are designed to make it easier for borrowers to meet their repayment obligations and for Inland Revenue to administer the student loan scheme efficiently and fairly,” Peter Dunne said.

“These changes underline our efforts through interest free loans and other support measures which are helping to make tertiary education more accessible. We are ensuring greater numbers of students can gain the skills needed to help transform this economy,” Dr Cullen said. www.nexusmag.co.nz

The new rules for overseas borrowers, which kick in on April 1 2007 include: • Borrowers not having to make repayments during their 3 year repayment holiday, although their loans will still attract interest.

• For overseas borrowers who are not taking a repayment holiday, there will be progressive repayment obligations, based on the size of their loan balances • Interest-free loans for people studying overseas will be extended to undergraduates studying full-time at bachelor’s degree level. The change will apply to loans taken out before leaving New Zealand.

• The amnesty on penalties declared last year for non-resident borrowers who are in arrears with their payments will be extended by one year – to 31 March 2008. This will allow borrowers who are identified by data matching between Inland Revenue and the Customs Service to come within the amnesty.

• For overseas borrowers to qualify for an interest-free loan on the basis that they are working overseas as volunteers, or for token payment as an employee of a charitable organisation, they must establish that they are engaged in one or more specified purposes that include the relief of poverty, or the effects of war or disaster, and the raising of economic or educational standards of a developing country.

• The law on which repayment rules borrowers are subject to will be simplified by basing the decision on whether they are eligible for an interest-free loan rather than on their tax residence.

• Interest write-offs for borrowers living overseas that were in place before the introduction of interest-free loans are being abolished.

• Borrowers who repaid their loans by 13 November 2006 and had an interest write-off to which they were not entitled will not have the write-off reversed.

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Keeping you informed about your union www.wsu.org.nz

WSU PRESIDENT

VICE-PRESIDENT

Sehai Orgad

Moira Neho

president@wsu.org.nz

vicepresident@wsu.org.nz

Heads up peeps, this is just a quick breakdown of what we are organising for you to be involved with over the next week:

First things first, congratulations to Niki Keuh on winning the $20 Bennetts voucher. Well done on correctly identifying five exec members with their matching portfolios!

WSU Exec meeting – Tuesday 27 March 4:30-6:30pm This is when all executive members get together to discuss and decide activities, events and issues that the WSU will be organising and participating in for the greater student body.

Come and have your say, as a student you are a member of this fabulous organisation that we call the WSU. And if you want to be involved in any of the projects that we have coming up, this is a great way to put your hand up and let us know that you are interested.

On Wednesday 4th April we will be having an Open Student Meeting (OSM) down at the Village Green, (otherwise known as ‘The Banks’). This is a great opportunity for you to get in front of the executives with any issues, ideas, or suggestions that you may have and that you want us to work on.

$9 Billion Day We will be commemorating the mark of our student debt reaching a whopping 9 BILLION big ones on Wednesday 28 March from 1-2pm down at the Village Green/ banks area.

We are protesting against that debt in our Waikato way by getting you all involved in a game show where you can win O for Awesome prizes that will make your things a bit easier on the pocket for a wee while. See you there!

The agenda will be posted on the official WSU notice boards on Wednesday 28th April and then again in NEXUS next week, but you can also raise items of discussion in General Business.

What kinds of things might you want to talk about? Well, for some of you it might be about the quality of your classes; for others it might be about getting more scholarships in your area of study; and for others you just might want to ask what the wooden poles in the lake are for.

Don’t forget that we need 50 people to make quorum or the meeting can’t be held and important student matters can’t be heard. So whanau, get your friends together, come down and enjoy a free sausage down at the Village Green and have your say at the same time!

Waikato Students’ Union information POSTAL ADDRESS

CONTACT POINTS

OFFICE HOURS

Private Bag 3059 Hamilton

Phone: Fax: Email: Web:

Monday – Friday 8:30 AM to 4:30 PM

PHYSICAL ADDRESS Ground floor, Students’ Union Building University of Waikato Gate one, Knighton Road Hamilton

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07 856 9139 07 856 3161 wsu@wsu.org.nz www.wsu.org.nz

There is a free phone for students to use in our office.

www.nexusmag.co.nz

EDUCATION OFFICERS

Edupene & Eduwhets education@wsu.org.nz Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don’t.

Fine print is everywhere on contracts, in advertising and funnily enough in the majority of university documents. Let’s take the university calendar for instance - the book is as heavy as a dictionary, and as readable as a large text book on grammar (sorry linguists). However, it is full of many things that control your life, including university regulations, what the university believes its role is in relation to the students, and the community it belongs to.

Four pages in this wondrous book are dedicated to the students complaints policy (pg 770 -773). Whereas 15 pages (pg 755 – 769) are dedicated to disciplining you, the student. So the point of the korero this week whanau is: read the fine print or alternatively be better or worse off for the experience. Now for some funnies:

Top 10 Reasons why God never received employment at Waikato Uni 1. He never got a Ph.D. 2. He had only one major publication.

3. It wasn’t published in a refereed journal.

4. Some doubt that he wrote it Himself.

5. Sure, he created the world, but what has he done since?

6. The scientific community can’t replicate his results.

7. He rarely came to class and just told students, “Read the

book.”

8. His office hours are irregular and sometimes held on a

mountaintop.

9. He doesn’t present at conferences.

10. He spent too much time teaching and not enough time doing

research.

Please be aware that this is not the view of WSU or its executive!

Campaigns officer

Olivia Beattie campaigns@wsu.org.nz Do you have a student loan to help pay fees and living costs? How about an overdraft at the bank to help furnish your flat? More importantly… do you think this is fair!?

This Wednesday, student debt reaches an embarrassing $9 billion.

470,507 people have a student loan, averaging $15,883 each.

The worst part is that only half of it was used for fees - the rest was borrowed just to live!

Students are the only group in society who are forced to borrow money from the government in order to pay for basic necessities such as rent and food. Labour promised that in 2005 at least half of tertiary students would receive a living allowance while studying.

Have they kept this promise? NO! They have now pushed this promise to 2008 and it is up to us to make sure that they keep it!!

This Wednesday come down to the Village Green and show your support for a living allowance for all students!! We will be hosting a crazy 80’s style game show with heaps of great prizes to be won! As a debt-racked student you can’t afford to miss it...

Finding it hard to make some ends meet?

Come and see us at the Student Union Building and we’ll help you out.

Phone: 07 856 9139 Email: wsu@wsu.org.nz

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MAORI Students Officer

Tatiana Hohepa & Elaine Kameta maori@wsu.org.nz Coming to you from Ngati Pikiao’s finest, our weekly report discussing what’s going on here in Te Ao Maori at Te Whare Wananga o Waikato.

First and foremost we would like to send out our best wishes to nga tauira katoa for successfully completing the first four weeks of your academic studies in A semester.

Secondly and counting down, only two more weeks to go until the long awaited teaching recess, ka mau te wehi!

Heoi ano, let’s get down to business. We would like to announce that on Wednesday the 28th of March there will be another hui being held at the A Block courtyard (outside Te Ahurutanga) at 1pm. The hui is with respect to the hui that was held Wednesday 7th March regarding the establishment of a campus wide Maori roopu.

No reira, nau mai haere mai ki te whakakaha i tenei kaupapa.

We would also like to announce that we are in the process of planning a ball; The Matariki Ball! The ball will be held the 16th June 2007, venue and details to be announced at a later date. So there you go e hoa ma, you have been warned, go out and layby those stunningly, gorgeous kakahu. Because no doubt we will be! One last thing, we will be running a dateless service, so kaua e whakama, waea mai, imera mai ranei if you need a date and we will hook you up (just to clarify, we are not available).

Finally, we hope you all had a fantastic time at hakinakina and we look forward to seeing you compete again next semester. Big shout outs to all the exec that helped out and a wicked well done to Te Puna Tautoko.

WSU SERVICE SPOTLIGHT Hardship Grants/ Club Grants The WSU provides grants to Loans affiliated clubs to aid their general These are to give members who are suffering from financial hardship access to limited assistance in the form of either a grant or loan. To be eligible for this assistance, a member must prove that they are suffering from temporary, severe and unusual financial hardship, and must have tried a variety of other avenues for support before pursuing the grant. The member must first meet with an exec member who will take them through the forms and approve the application to the Hardship Committee.

The Hardship committee is a small, confidential sub-committee of the WSU that makes a decision about whether each application meets the requirements of our Hardship Policy and how much they should be granted or loaned.

In all cases, the member must discuss whether they are able to pay the Association back. If not they may be able to access a grant.

All students are able to apply for this assistance.

To find out more about these grants, contact the WSU reception on (07) 856 9139.

operation and development.

These are set out in two forms:

Clubs Administration Grants All clubs that affiliate or re-affiliate to the WSU are eligible to be considered for an administration grant by the grants committee. The amount granted is determined by a scaling system, which considers the clubs administrative skills, membership numbers, promotion and activity, etc on campus.

Clubs Project/Capital Grants The other area of grants is the Project/Capital grants. These grants are to provide funds for capital purchases and/or projects that will enhance the medium and long-term development of the club.

It is necessary for clubs to apply in writing for these grants.

To do this they need to visit the Clubs Coordinator and fill in an application form and supply a number of facts and figures in consultation with the Clubs Coordinator.

Get involved and meet new people Clubs and societies are a great way to meet people with similar interests. Come to the WSU reception and get a list of the clubs and societies you can join up to and take part in. If you want, you can even start your own club!

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Women’s Rights Officer Sport and Recreation Officer

Glen Delamere sport@wsu.org.nz Last week I mentioned that I was going to drop in on some of the various clubs we are fortunate enough to have on campus. But due to our deadline for Nexus, a lot of what I am writing about has already happened so as you read this I will have already visited our Pagans.

Everyone has prejudices about different cultures in society so I will inform you of what I think this club is about in this copy and next week will correct all of my ignorant errors.

Firstly I will attempt to identify the undercover Pagans that I believe are part of our executive… Firstly our Environmental Officers must surely be Pagans as they are all about saving the planet and recycling.

Next would have to be our Mature Students Officer surely by default of his portfolio - are not all mature people scary wizards or sorcerers? How else can they be so wise?

Education Officer - what type of Black Magic does he have? One minute he is a five foot nothing Maori that goes by the name of Edupene and next he is a normal height solid Maori going by the name of Eduwhets… sorry, my bad, I have just found out that education is a shared portfolio.

I think that maybe our President and Women’s Rights Officer may be witches.

Sehai had a clean sweep when she ran for her position. Women’s Rights Officer… well, if by some chance she falls in the lake and floats she must be a witch. Ana, do you want to have coffee by the lake with Sport & Rec? As for Sport & Recreation Officer, he must be one. Who else would run around in undies and jelly wrestle? Oops, that’s me and that is still to be decided (the pagan bit that is).

Next week, what Pagans really do and witch club I will terrorise next.

On a sports note the Uni-games team for Christchurch is somewhat smaller than we had originally envisioned but we are sure they will do us proud. I would also like to congratulate Candice Bloom who competed at Whangamata triathlon; she entered the sprint event and did us all proud.

www.nexusmag.co.nz

Ana Moriarty womens@wsu.org.nz

Thursdays In Black Brought to you by TWFG, NZUSA and women in students’ associations. Demanding a world without rape and violence Every Thursday, people around the world are invited to wear black as a symbol of strength and courage, representing our solidarity with survivors of violence, demanding a world without rape and violence.

Wearing black on Thursdays indicates that you are tired of putting up with rape and violence in your community. It demonstrates a desire for a community where we can all walk safely without fear of being beaten up, verbally abused, raped, of being discriminated against due to your sexual orientation, political affiliation, gender or ethnicity.

Discrimination, sexual violence, rape, abuse, hate crimes, and homophobia all still exist in our society. It is time that we stand up against these societal evils and claim our communities as safe places.

In addition, with the “War on Terror” currently going on in the Middle East, it is time for women and men to unite against war. With our world in its current state of upheaval and unrest, and superpowers making unilateral decisions which have huge consequences for thousands of innocent people, it is time for women and men to unite against war. Thursdays in Black is one way we can protest against this threat of overwhelming violence.

Thursdays in Black is an international campaign that has historically united people who believe in the fundamental importance of respecting all human life without discrimination.

Wear black on Thursdays to show your dedication to eliminating all forms of violence.

Protest against all forms of hate and violence.

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Accomodation

Situations Vacant

Flatmate wanted for new flat, 10 mins walk from uni. Double bdrm, carport. Tidy, clean & only $72 week rent! Looking for friendly couple or girl between 19-25. Sensible non-party type only please & no smokers.

1 married couple, and 2 guys, all 19. Teachers and lawyers in training.

All hard workers. Broadband internet also available- (save your uni cash!)

Please call: 0272909119 or 8583367 Thank you! :)

Male Vocalist wanted. We are an originals 3 piece band (D,B,G) looking for a talented singer/song writer to finish off our sound. Our style is mostly rock with a touch of funk that’s different, dynamic and tight. Rhythm guitar skills would be a bonus but not essential. Have an album’s worth of songs with some melodies and lyrics ready to go. Have had interest from an independent record label.

If interested phone or txt Jeff on 0275 240 000

Flatmate Wanted: 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom brand new town house in Ham East. $105 per wk + ex. Off street/ on street parking. Looking for easy going sociable 20+. Available 24th March. Ph 8560183 or txt 0273111691.

Want to represent Nandor as a youth MP? Must be 18 or under, be interested in Green issues, be available to go to Parliament 8-11 July 2007. Contact Pippa on 027 4438 198 or pjr18@waikato.ac.nz

For Sale

Miscellaneous

King single bed for sale!!! $350 with matr. Black frame with Rimu headboard. Excellent condition, only a few years old. Phone: 07-8501810

Sup baby girl, I saw you checking me out in our accounting lecture. Your bedroom eyes said you wanted more so here I am. Text (or Pxt) me on 021 047 9089.

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Columns

Los Libros

MeEt Nexus’ new relationships counsellor

Miscellaneous Musings from M-block

Dear Agony Art, Last week I got drunk with a mate from my rugby team. I got wasted and ended up having sex with him. Does this make us gay or just having some fun?

Yours sincerely, Bottom Boy Dear Bottom Boy It makes you gay in the sense that one of you was inside the other and you’re both males. It doesn’t make you gay in the sense that you prefer men to women necessarily, unless of course you do. I think you shouldn’t bring it up with your friend, he may not even remember. If he does happen to broach the subject and you are not homosexually inclined, you have to make it very, very clear to him that it’s not going to be something you repeat. Unless, of course, you do repeat it. Just out of curiosity, were you the top or the bottom?

You’re not gay, unless you are, and it never happened, unless you wanted it to.

Dear Agony Art Do long distance relationships work? My girlfriend is moving overseas for a year and I want to know if I should hang in there.

We’ve been going out for a year and I’m heavily in love with her.

Should I throw in the towel or what?

Long Distance Lover

One of my influences is the late Jorge Luis Borges, an Argentinean author who, with eloquent prose, covered much of the epistemological terrain that was later brought into vogue by the post-structuralist movement. Borges was also the director of the Buenos Aires National Library. Ironically, at the time of accepting this post, his failing eyesight had resulted in almost complete blindness, resulting in an inability to read. His interests and knowledge were wide ranging, including an encyclopaedic understanding of mythology, mathematics, theology, and philosophy. His work combines these elements into an erudite personal synthesis that delves into the heart of reality.

His library career was also related to the epistemological issues he dealt with in his writing. This can be seen in The Library of Babel, where the library serves as a metaphor for reality; “composed of an indefinite and perhaps infinite number of hexagonal galleries…a sphere whose exact centre is any one of its hexagons and whose circumference is inaccessible.”

Librarians explore this labyrinth, consulting an endless array of books trying to discover an underlying order or meaning (“the catalogue of catalogues”), but this merely results in epistemological uncertainty. Various theories are proposed, including a sect resembling the Dadaists - who suggest searching should cease and letters and symbols should be randomly juggled until the books that will reveal the mysteries are constructed by “divine disorder” - and “Purifiers”, who attempt to eliminate useless works resulting in the “senseless perdition of millions of books.” There are also those who “repudiate the vain and superstitious custom of finding a meaning in books and equate it with that of finding a meaning in dreams or in the chaotic lines of one’s palm.”

Dear Long Distance Lover

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Negotiating the exponential growth of information can be like exploring Borges’s labyrinthine library. The Internet and an increasing amount of secondary literature is riddled with misleading information; “for every sensible line of straightforward statement, there are leagues of senseless cacophonies, verbal jumbles and incoherencies.” Making use of our services can help you to avoid this and obtain more authoritative resources, but even then you still have to decide if any of the markings made by this bizarre species we belong to can give you a sense of meaning. Perhaps some may find it with the Koran, the Norse Edda, or even Adam’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Then again maybe you will decide, like the Zen master Hakuin, that “all scriptures are only paper good for wiping off shit.”

Gotcha!

From my own experience, LDRs don’t work. But there are lots of things to take into account. Where is she going? Is it a country full of charming, awesome men who could then become the long distance relationship when she comes back, leaving you empty and alone? Will you have ground rules for when she departs? You both have needs on a sexual and emotional level which simply can’t be filled by an email or a phone call or even a webcam. Conversely, staying at home while the person you love is away changes you as well. It gives you a lot of time to think about what the relationship means to you and how much you trust the other person. I’m yet to hear of a single example where love (at our age) has been able to stand up to such a test. Find a girl who lives nearby and stick with her.

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Columns

BY KRANG Nuclear power. It seems interesting, doesn’t it? Thankfully New Zealand is a nuke-free zone (supposedly... the third eye thinks otherwise) but the third eye has revealed that nuclear power came about, not just to obliterate the Japanese (more on the The Man’s oppression of the Japanese and other cultures in a later column), but as an extremely cheap source of power which The Man can sell to its proles at a super high price.

The Man is also dead-set on destroying the planet - the faster he can do it, the better, he thinks. Us free thinking folk aren’t so convinced and will stop him at any cost. Nuclear waste is a serious problem and it’s not just being dumped in the Earth! Heard of something called “fluoride”? Yes, it’s a name given to nuclear waste that has undergone a “de-glowing” process, hence the relationship to “fluoro”, which is often associated with bright 80s colours and clothing. And no matter what Bahama Hut say, it’s spelt “fluoro” - with two Os, not one.

Sports Thoughts

By Joseph Ross It is now halfway through the Super 14 season and the business end is approaching as teams strive to give themselves a shot at first making the May 19 final and then winning it.

After Round 7, the Sharks and the Blues have got themselves a good lead at the top of the table. The Crusaders are on the verge of the top four, and with several of their All Blacks about to enter the fray, expect them to finish the season well and give themselves a chance of winning the title for the seventh time in twelve years.

Despite their average start to the season, and their placing on the points table as I write this (12th), the Chiefs are still in the hunt, being only 5 competition points off fourth spot. One big win is enough to wipe off this deficit and climb a significant number of rungs up the ladder. Traditionally the Chiefs start sluggishly and win most of their later matches so they are not done with yet. The only teams that can be regarded as not having much chance are two Australian teams,

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Yes, the fluoride in your water supply and in your toothpaste is one way for nuclear waste removal and doubles as a handy prole control. The other thing they use nuclear waste in is glow sticks. This is nuclear waste with its glow still apparent, however its designed to “de-glow” so that the dumbed down proles don’t make any connection to regular fluoride.

They didn’t bank on my Third Eye keeping watch, though.

The Man is very creative as to where else he puts nuclear waste.

Concrete, food preservatives (watch out for “anti-caking agent” in peanuts), any kind of Coca-cola product, vinyl records, PVA glue, Vegemite and that really strange kind of icing you get on wedding cakes.

Consider yourself warned against nuclear waste and keep your own vigilant eye out for where The Man might be oppressing you next. The best way to be safe is to grow vegetables and brush your teeth with spinach paste. If you need to rave with some glowing paraphernalia, then I would suggest holding your rave nights at Waitomo Caves where the glow worms will be happy to provide your lighting requirements.

the Waratahs and the Reds who at the moment are cellar dwellers. The competition this year is shaping up to be one of the more even in Super Rugby history.

One of the more surprising aspects of the 2007 competition in comparison with recent years is the success of the South African teams. Normally by this time of the season we could write off the chances of at least one or two of their teams, but this year all five teams are in the mix. Not only are the South Africans winning on their own territory but they are also coming to Australasia and dominating NZ or Aussie teams more often than in the past. This could reflect on the Springboks and make them more competitive in the Tri-Nations or even the World Cup later in the year.

Upcoming Chiefs Home Games Chiefs v Blues Sat 31 March Chiefs v Force Sat 14 April Chiefs v Sharks Sat 21 April

7.35 pm 2.35 pm 7.35 pm

ISSUE 5 · 26 MARCH, 2007

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Columns

Monthly horoscopes BROUGHT TO YOU BY GURU MOONBEAM Aries: You have been rather depressed lately and have developed an annoying tendency to question many aspects of life: “Am I a loser?”, “What’s my place in the universe?”, “Is there a grand plan?” and so forth. There is a philosophy seminar coming up entitled ‘Intellectual progeny: a Patent Cure?’ Thursday 5 April 2007, 3:10-4:30pm in I.4.09. The subject matter is not important; after you have sat through a philosophy seminar, everything else in comparison is living.

Sagittarius: Go on, you know you want to. Besides, everyone else is pretty drunk and won’t remember much tomorrow morning.

Pisces: They say no news is good news, which might be good for you ‘cause I’ve got nothing.

Taurus: You will discover that the horrible stench around Oranga is not fertilizer after all. University staff members are still secretly battling unfair salary negotiations. To show their displeasure, they collectively dump in the flower bed.

They are working on a clever slogan to accompany the act, but at present have only come up with “if you think this stinks, take a look at my pay packet”. Once the details have been ironed out, and the practices complete, the protest will move into daylight hours, outside B-Block, and away from Oranga.

Cancer: Watch out for lightning bolts this month. Fate has decided to continue its inexplicable blitz on students.

Leo: You will discover a large pot of gold while you are out for a

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stroll. Seems like those St. Patrick’s Day leprechauns are almost as forgetful as you Leos are. Keep a close eye on your stash though, because once they sober up from the previous weeks’ shenanigans, they’ll want to reclaim what is rightfully theirs.

They will also chop off your gonads for good measure. Damn leprechauns…

Virgo: Motivation and hard work will create new opportunities in your career this year. Change is in the air. Go forward and walk through the doorways that life is opening for you. Just watch out for the rusted hinges, the snake pit, and the pressure pad released giant boulder on your way through.

Aquarius: You will have a sudden epiphany and come to realise that Guru Moonbeam is a genius. Feel free to lavish praise, money and sexual favours upon him.

Libra: Better start studying for those exams now, you slack arse.

Procrastination is going to bite you twice as hard later this month. A number of unplanned activities and events will sprout out of nowhere, and eat all your ‘study time’.

Gemini: You need to get out more.

Instead of tripping out over your main squeeze’s extracurricular activities why not get out there and do some stuff of your own. Trust me; you’ll be doing everyone a favour.

Capricorn: Djfsh893453hklfsdl1p[f sdk’. A spider just walked across my keyboard; his work makes more sense that the drivel I was going to write. My advice, go with the spiders’ words of insight

Emo part Deux: Oh my God, the pain!

Chuck and Benjo are back by relatively popular demand and are now proud to present our first proper column for 2007. A few things have changed since the end of last semester. Chuck now resides in Hoe-lland and Benjo is still a slave to the delicate artistry of sandwiches. But that doesn’t mean we don’t aim to present the best in subtle humour and… shit.

This issue, we have decided to start the fun ball rolling with our thoughts on a subject that remains close to our hearts; emos.

The emo population (or Emopulation) of Hamilton has grown exponentially in the past year. In Garden Place, one finds it difficult to move around without being confronted by a ‘mope’ of emos (Mope being the collective noun for emos). It’s caught on like wildfire.

Wildfire that endlessly bitches and moans about mum and dad.

But, as fun as it may be, we shouldn’t judge. Because there is always at least one person who takes the self-harming a tad too far.

Like Pete Wentz, the bassist from Fall Out Boy. When the ability to play in a band and breathe at the same time got a bit too much for him, he tried to top himself. And who could blame him? His band had just released a platinum-selling album and naked photos of him had been leaked onto the internet.

Fortunately though, he survived his sympathy attempt and is still alive and whinging today.

There is a lesson we can learn from the tale of Pete Wentz. We’re not quite sure what it is, but we know it’s in there somewhere.

Please note: While we mean to take the piss out of Pete Wentz and his incessant bitching about how hard it is to be a white, middle-class male with heaps of money, we don’t mean to insult those people genuinely affected by suicide. Bear in mind that Pete Wentz, like many emos, is a whiny dork who needs a slap.

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Columns

The Magic 8 Ball Magic 8 Ball puts his hatefulness aside in order to disclose hidden secrets about his body…

Does the Magic 8 Ball have male and female genitalia?

It is certain. I had wondered when somebody would uncover my secret – while I have no head or limbs, I have genitals for Africa.

And South America.

But are you more man than woman?

My sources say no. According to my urologist, I have a lot more woman happening in my pants than man.

So why do you always pull that hyper-masculine shit? Are you insecure about your peepee being a bit of a clitoris?

You may rely on it. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going with that bloody thing. It’s enough to make the manliest of man-ladies question his manliness. That’s why I try to put women down and oppress them. I am scared of my penoris.

Is a vagina more useful than a penis?

My reply is no. It can be handy for gardening and tennis, but I’m more a fan of ballroom dancing and a penis is an absolute must in that arena.

Have you faced prejudice and discrimination as a hermaphrodite Magic 8 Ball with no head or limbs?

It is certain. When I was a little ball, people used to call me ‘farthead’ which was a cruel joke, due to my lack of bowel.

Did you ever experience depression?

Signs point to yes. I was sure that I was depressed when I was 14, but my urologist said it was just my urethra.

Are you worried that Nexus might be exploiting your unique sexuality for the sake of filling half a page of a student rag?

Very doubtful. I’ve met the staff of Nexus several times and in my experience they have deep integrity. They would never hurt me.

They are also beautiful, sexy and intelligent.

Do you hate electric acoustic guitars and Sublime covers?

Without a doubt. Nothing grates my undies like that shit.

Do you have hair on you chest?

No. I don’t have a chest.

Does Magic 8 Ball wear a bra?

Yes, definitely. Otherwise my Magic 8 boobs would swing wildly in the wind and people could get hurt. www.nexusmag.co.nz

With Candice Bottomsworth Dear reader, I write to you at 20,000 feet above the Pacific Ocean in a business-class seat aboard an enormous airliner, on my way to a rendezvous with James William Botheringham-Smythe III in Guatemala City, having accepted his invitation to accompany him into the jungle to search out and destroy the leaders of the insidious cabal that call themselves ‘Rotary International’.

For the moment, though, I find myself surrounded by another pernicious and meddlesome group of people, dressed in power suits with sour, humourless faces and bad skin from too much hotel airconditioning. I speak, of course, of that group known as ‘executives’.

Aren’t these people peculiar! The mind can only boggle helplessly at them. What do they do all day? Do they ever laugh? What do they do for fun? What are they like in bed?

Let’s start with what we know. Executives are employed by corporations to travel around the world going to meetings, eating lunch in hotel restaurants, drinking in hotel bars and sleeping in hotel beds. They don’t seem to do much of anything; which leads us to the etymology of the name ‘executive’.

I am reliably informed that the word ‘executive’ means ‘one who executes’; that is, ‘one who does a task’. We can only assume that whoever came up with this name for these completely ineffectual people was one of the most deeply ironic humourists in history; surpassing even Steven Wright and Leviticus for dry, acidic sarcasm.

Now, it strikes me that there is nothing particularly wrong with idleness. A life spent in pleasant uselessness is far preferable to a life spent making others’ lives unpleasant. And for this reason, I have nothing in particular against executives. But what seems slightly unfair is that these empty shells, who spend their lives twittering on and on, meaninglessly and unendingly, at conferences and in meetings and in Outlook; these less-than-human vapour-people; actually make far more money than the people who do the actual work! I have no particular fondness for the working class; they tend to be boring and unsubtle (although I confess I still retain a flutter of the breast for the gardener who vigorously rooted me in the potting shed when I was a teenager, thereby plucking my delicate flower, taking my cherry, picking my red delicious or whatever other horticultural euphemism one may like to use). But it does seem to this casual observer that the million dollar salary should go to the poor souls who make the suits rather than those who merely wear them.

Well, I notice that we have begun our descent into the murky jungle-cloud that permanently covers Guatemala and hides the doings of Rotary International from the prying eyes of justice. Soon I will be reunited with my love, and embark on what could quite possibly be the most exciting adventure that you have ever read about!

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Comic Sands Little Riddle

A man pushes his car infront of a hotel and immediately realises that he is bankrupt. What has happened?

Answer below...

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Words That Should Exist

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Emptol - The mildly satisfying ‘pssht’ sound that a empty petrol tank makes when opened.

Walkward - The awkwardness that ensues after you say goodbye to someone, only to realise your car is in the same direction as theirs.

Frust - The thin line of dust that remains when you try and pick up sweepings.

Lost Soul - That person who is addicted to ‘Lost’ and will miss weddings, poker games, parties etc. just so they can get their weekly fix of predictably shit viewing.

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Key or A and Welcome to the kids page for 2007.

This year we’re going to bring you some great lecture entertainment with fun games and stuff. Please send your feedback to egyptian_sun_god@hotmail.com

O N % E 20 OR M

FROM THE CREATOR OF UNCLE JIM’S KIDDY ROUNDUP, COMES THE ALL NEW:

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THESE CROSSWORDS REQUIRE LITTLE, IF ANY COGNITIVE ABILITY AND ARE ESSENTIALLY A WASTE OF TIME Be the first person to bring your completed word find into Nexus and you can score for yourself a FREE DVD RENTAL from AUTEUR HOUSE!

SHIT \ HOT Your Guide to Correct Opinions

TV SHIT

HOT TV

INTERWEB SHIT

HOT INTERWEB

MUSIC SHIT

HOT MUSIC

FASHION SHIT

HOT FASHION

SHIT SHARES

HOT SHARES

SHIT ADS

HOT ADS

4chan.org

The RHCP’s latest musical abortion

O’week Tees, next

NZX: FTB 42 below

Proactiv Solution

Dragon’s Den UK

i-am-bored.org

The Fratellis - Flathead

Mello Yello tees

NSQ: APPL apple comp

Frank.

Answer One word: Monopoly.

Grey’s Shatonme

Comics

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ISSUE 5 路 26 MARCH, 2007

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Columns

BY ISA

BY BLAIR NICHOLSON

People seem to regard health in all kinds of strange ways.

Health does not come in a can, bottle or tablet, nor from a supermarket aisle or organic garden. Health is not an absolute property that any food, drink or supplement can have. There are no foods that are absolutely healthy for everyone all of the time. Health is about balance. Bodies are complex and mystical things which we really know very little about. The same foods consumed at different times might provoke completely different physiological responses and allergies or intolerances can appear and disappear over night without so much as a goodbye card.

Another week, another group of interesting facts of dubious value. And never one to be up to date on topics of interest or appeal, I’ve chosen to do a segment on lightning, Why? I have no idea.

Listening to your body may help you suss out what it is you need. Close your eyes, clear your mind and ask “what is healthy for me right now?”

SUPPOSEDLY NOT HEALTHY you may be surprised by the answer.

If and when you buy fruit and veggies, pick the ones that glow or stand out. If you are craving something in particular ask yourself “what nutritional value can I get from this” and “is there a better source of that nutrition.” If you are craving processed foods your body probably needs something that isn’t in them.

Sugar cravings are often a sign of a chromium deficiency; salt cravings are a hint that you’re low on other minerals. If you feel empty despite being disgustingly bloated from eating too much you are either seriously missing something from your diet or you have an emotional void you need to fill. Sort it out.

Lightning is a massive buildup of static electricity. Seconds before you are struck by lightning, all of the hair on your head will stand straight up.

The link between the mind and the body is now being explored with childlike bursts of glee by excited scientists as a new science, Psycho-neuro-immunology is evolving. Shocking discoveries include neuro-peptide receptors, previously believed to be restricted to the brain, being found hiding out in the immune system. Studies have also shown that the immune system responds to psychological stimulus, for example: wound healing is slower in psychologically stressed adults and exam stress lowers the ability to create antibodies to the flu.

This, at a glance, provides evidence for something know-it-all mystics have been saying for millennia: your thoughts affect your physicality. Psychological effects on the body have been obvious in western scientific research for a long time (how else can we possibly explain the placebo effect?) and largely ignored because it just seems too bloody weird. The thoughts you are thinking right now may well be affecting your health and they are your responsibility so choose them wisely.

Lightning strikes the earth six thousand times every minute.

But you are more likely to be infected by flesh-eating bacteria than struck by lightning. However, you are more likely to be struck by lightning than eaten by a shark. Phewf.

A lightning bolt generates temperatures five times hotter than those found at the sun’s surface.

Nine out of ten lightning strike victims survive.

Men are six times more likely to get struck by lightning than women.

Roy Sullivan of Virginia, USA, has been struck by lightning seven times.

In 1994 a miracle happened when Mary Clamser of Oklahoma City was struck by lightning. Why was this a good thing? At the time she suffered from multiple sclerosis, a disease of the brain and spinal cord currently considered incurable by medical science. After her house was struck by lightning, while Mary was grasping metal objects in each hand and wearing a metal leg brace, she was able to walk with ease.

BOOM, SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE THE ROOM

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Columns

MR SAFETY BIGGLESWORTH IN THE FIGHT AGAINST CRIME

“A Cautionary Tale” entering the lounge and plundering, as well as getting a good takings from the premises.

Don’t be dumb; secure your house, lock your doors and windows. If you are having a party, think about having a sober person about who greatest things in life, and I love it. will remember these things. Don’t forget that The thing I told you is that if you didn’t start most thieves strike twice, after they’ve had locking up and being careful and getting a chance to see what you’ve got inside, so if And robbed. get will you that, and insured you do get robbed lock up tight, or follow suit it – seriously And guess what. It happened. from the people who got robbed and take sucks. it happened to a friend of mine, and turns staying up and hiding in your lounge So read this: and be cautioned: It Could with a bayonet. You only need to capture Happen To You. one of the returning thieves, so the police can uncover his accomplices and recover Story Begins your goods. Just remember to inflict wounds on your arms - you know, the self-defence to going is story little this of point main The wounds you got when he attacked you with Secure in: it drum to just be given to you first, your kitchen knife. your house - lock your doors and windows.

A robbery took place in Hillcrest not long ago, and it was made all too easy by carelessness. Story Ends

Greetings, plebs. I told you, didn’t I? Don’t say I didn’t because I did. I get no pleasure from saying “I told you so…” Actually, that’s a lie.

Being able to say “I told you so,” is one of the

After the party most people had left, either to town or wherever, and had left the lights on with the curtains open, and - crucially - a window open. Having a person in a coma on the couch did not deter the thieves from

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Okay. While I don’t necessarily recommend lying in wait for thieves with bladed weapons, I do think the locking-up advice is sound. And also getting insured. You should do that as

well. That way, if your stuff is taken, you get to claim for new stuff. And that’s okay.

Here’s what else is new, according to Campus Security There was some guy who had taken a car and led the police on a merry chase.

He crashed by Facilities Management on Silverdale Road, and gave the cops the slip somewhere on campus. Seen any sweating, harassed men in your lectures lately? Aside from the lecturer? Keep an eye out.

Police also did some fine work in catching a guy on Wednesday who had broken in to some student vehicles. He apparently confessed to it as soon as he was picked up.

Nice one, cops. Hope you get whatever tool broke into my mate’s flat as well. With red-hot pokers.

That is all

Señor Safety Bigglesworth

ISSUE 5 · 26 MARCH, 2007

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BY CAPTAIN EMERY Local Dynamo’s, Dynamo Go have re-released their debut EP on the Internet at: www.virb.com/dynamogo . All tunes are free to download. Speaking of Virb, it is fast becoming the place to go for interweb communities as it makes up for a lot of myspace’s shortcomings. Dynamo Go are soon parting ways with their bass player Shane, who is to be possibly replaced by a metal bass player. I understand Shane is welcome to make a penetrating return to fill his hole in Dynamo Go when he returns to New Zealand.

Megaheroes are recording an album and shooting a video for their smash hit song, Highschool Glory Hole, in upcoming weeks. They also have a hiatus impending due to drug problems and conflicting sexualities.

The Shrugs are recording a new album and recent rumours of them breaking up are unfounded.

MC Stormtroopa has just played a tour with the Vacants to exceptional audiences around the country,with guest appearances from Darth Vader and Chewbacca. As well as rumoured upcoming collaborations with Yokel Ono and Disasteradio. Stormtroopa recently tried to force choke a member of Megaheroes. It wasn’t the one with the drug problem.

Yokel Ono have been recording a new EP in the Hamilzone.

Auckland wasn’t good enough for them. Collapsing Cities also recently recorded some tunes with Dale Cotton in Hamilton, due to Auckland’s lameness. They also borrowed my Marshall and returned it a day late.

Recently there has been a lot of debate on htown.co.nz about the website cheeseontoast.co.nz. Most people reckon it looks rubbish but has good content.

Recently I caught Kittyhawk, an Auckland band comprised of former members of Luna Spark, Dogs on Prozac and Malenky Robot.

The spirit of Dogs on Prozac is alive and kicking in these guys, they are champion sleaze bag disco triumphant. Hopefully the fellas will come down here and play a storming show with some local cats.

Voom and The Sneaks are coming to town to play with Phony Bone and Dynamo Go at the end of this month at Ward Lane. Voom are one of those funny bands who have sulky rants on the net when one of their band members leave. Or when one of their band members sleeps with another band member’s wife. Currently they have two former members of Goodshirt in their ranks. I reckon there is likely a good sulky story about the demise of Goodshirt. Their keyboard player was given $50,000 to record an album a while back from NZ on Air, you know…

Amy Racecar at the Las Vegas Strip Club in Auckland

CITRIC

Hamilton's newest and biggest

CD DVD & Vinyl store 07 839 4435 PHONE

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ISSUE 5 · 26 MARCH, 2007

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Hamilton’s Dynamo Go. It’s your last chance to see Dynamo Go’s current line-up. Rumour has it they’re pawning the bass player Shane to support the drummer’s rampant cocaine habit. Fifteen dollars on the door, but turn up early for drink specials.

It’s Waikato vs. the Bay Of Plenty at Upsett Records. Antagonist and Brick Vs Face play an early evening show. It’s all-ages as always.

Spend your beer money on Upsett’s selection of punk, hardcore and metal records instead.

WORDS AND PHOTOS BY PETRA JANE

Monday The Cook in Ham East has a Pub Quiz every Monday night, which we’re informed is “really easy” - at least if you know anything about Desperate Housewives. If you don’t mind everyone knowing your guilty TV-watching secrets, then get a team together and head down around 7:30pm for a shot at a bar tab.

If you’re old enough to have fond memories of The Lemonheads, then you’re probably too old for Monday night road-trips, but you can catch them tonight at The Studio, Auckland.

Tuesday Hamilton Film Society screens classic, foreign and interesting films every Tuesday night from 8pm at Victoria Cinema. Tonight’s screening is International Film Fest fave ‘Yi Yi (A One and a Two)’.

Memberships and 3-screening flexi-passes are available on the night.

Antagonist are also on the bill for Saturday’s Invisible Children benefit show, along with Every Man For Himself, Roll With The Punches, In Dread Response and others. It’s an all ages show at the Ellen Melville Hall in Auckland. Doors open 7pm and your $10 goes to help needy kids. Aww. Meanwhile, at trusty ol’ Ward Lane, self-professed tree ninja (yes, we’re confused too) Urban Tramper makes psych-shoegaze music with Hamilton lads The Shrugs and The Deadly Deaths. Find the Tree Ninja’s manifesto at www.oneislife.org for more confusion.

Coming up • Black Grace present Amata at the Academy of Performing Arts, 4th and 5th of April • The Wrongmen play Upsett with Gawj, Strangers. Friday 6 April • Belgian indie-dance pioneers Soulwax hit the St James, Auckland, 7 April • Dragon are back, and make an appearance at Founders Theatre, Sunday 22nd April. Tickets from ticketdirect.co.nz VOOM

Wednesday

Saturday

If you want to get some culture in your Cultural Hour, there’s a lunchtime concert by Mobil Song Quest 2000 winner Jared Holt at the Academy of Performing Arts. It’s only a gold coin entry and right on campus.

Gnarls Barkley and The Rapture play one New Zealand show at the St James in Auckland tonight.

Friday

Got something on that isn’t on here? Want to list an event on here? Email us at nexus@waikato.ac.nz or submit an event via our website at www.nexusmag.co.nz www.nexusmag.co.nz

THE SHRUGS

Voom and The Sneaks are on the road for their ‘Ride Of Your Life’ tour. They play Ward Lane on Friday, with Phony Bone and

ISSUE 1 · 26 FEBRUARY, 2007

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Reviews

BOOKS Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex? Things You’d Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Gin ‘n’ Tonic MARK LEYNER AND BILLY GOLDBERG MD REVIEWED BY LEAH GRAHAM This sequel to the bestseller “Why Do Men Have Nipples?” falls far short of expectations, reading like three different books which have been haphazardly thrown together. Firstly, there is the obvious question and answer section; then some bizarre transcripts of Instant Message conversations between the authors; and finally, fictional therapy sessions that the authors take part in. I almost felt like I should be reviewing three separate books.

The question and answer section of the book was amusing at times with a range of questions you might have casually pondered but were either too embarrassed or just didn’t care enough to ask about. This section of the book includes many helpful and interesting medical facts as well as some fairly random but amusing ‘other’ questions such as: “do animals commit suicide?”; “why do we have pubic hair?”; “do women have wet dreams?”; and “can you breastfeed with fake boobs/a nipple piercing?”

The answers to some questions were inconclusive and others were obviously

incorrect. For the most part however, answers in this section were complete and informative.

The sections throughout the book that were comprised of IM conversations displayed a sickeningly self-congratulatory attitude in the authors, who for some reason seem convinced that they are incredibly funny and talented because their first book sold surprisingly well. In actual fact, Leyner and Goldberg have a tendency to come across as juvenile simpletons with nothing but crass humour to contribute to society.

Each chapter in this book begins with a brief narrative of the authors’ fictional therapy sessions. These introductions could have been clever and funny as some of the problems their clients present with are hilarious- however the authors ruin these sections with their bizarrely inflated egos and overuse of ridiculous toilet humour.

Read this book if you want to learn a few interesting facts but skip the IM’s and the chapter introductions to avoid being bored and insulted.

The Form Of Things

BY A.C. GRAYLING

REVIEWED BY ALANA FERGUSSON This is an eloquent story that brings together essays of life, ideas and liberty in the 21st century. For a book of philosophy essays, The Form of Things is extremely reader-friendly and its lack of jargon makes it enjoyable for almost anyone. It’s perfect for flicking through on a long bus journey or curled up on the sofa at home, with each short but insightful essay guaranteed to give you something to ponder.

Grayling’s writings may cause you to see a number of subjects in a slightly different light.

Grayling does not write merely as a detached on-looker; his strong sense of humanistic ethics runs throughout his work. He repeatedly praises the emotions and arts which make life so interesting, while treating the abstract ideas and concepts which seek to cheapen human life (mainly, but not exclusively, religion) with scorn.

A fantastic book that can easily be read over and over again; Grayling has produced a piece which is warm, intelligent and insightful.

Campus News Reporter & Feature Writer Fixed Term, 15 hours per week Nexus Publications publishes a 48 page weekly magazine for students at the University of Waikato. We are a progressive organisation looking for the right person to fill this unique role.

The successful applicant will: • Have excellent verbal and written communication skills 44

ISSUE 5 · 26 MARCH, 2007

• Be proficient in the use of Microsoft Word with a typing speed >40 wpm • Have the initiative and drive to seek out and investigate issues which are relevant, provocative and, at times, controversial • Have an understanding and appreciation of student media • Be efficient, hard-working and able to

perform under pressure Experience in writing for print media preferred.

For more information about the job, ring 07 838 4653. Email nexus@waikato.ac.nz with your job applications before 6th April, 2007.

www.nexusmag.co.nz

Reviews

FILMS The Science of Sleep Review by RICHARD SWAINSON I had to laugh when leaving the theatre after seeing “The Science of Sleep”. The poster for it features a rather crass by-line declaring it ‘this year’s ultimate date movie’. Not only had I seen it by myself, there was not another single person in the audience. Far from being a celebration of the possibilities of romance or connection with one’s fellow human beings that particular screening confirmed the opposite, becoming a reflection on solitude and social isolation.

The tension between the two positions is very much what the film is all about. If director Michael Gondry’s last, brilliant effort, “The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” dealt with the aftermath of a relationship’s end, “Science of Sleep” dramatises heart-break one stage removed: with outright rejection before a relationship has even begun.

It’s not exactly about unrequited passion either, more a potential couple’s inability to synchronise their enthusiasm for one other. Gael Garcia Bernal plays Stephane, a half-French, half-Mexican graphic designer who returns to the Paris of his youth after the death of his father. There is a clear mutual attraction between him and his neighbour Stephanie, an amateur artist whose hand-made creations and outlook on life seem to very much complement Stephane’s own penchant for fantasy and invention.

However, when she tires of his inconsistent behaviour and wants to be ‘just friends’ Stephane’s grasp on reality - tenuous to begin with - begins to unravel.

To say that Gondry blurs the line between the dream and the awake states doesn’t even begin to describe the style of a film which plays like a cross between Fellini, Jan Svankmajer and any primary school art teacher you ever had with a cellophane fetish.

Stephane’s imaginary worlds combine elements from his childhood, his work environment, and Stephanie’s own imagination.

They are rendered not through any slick, plastic CGI effects but rather by in-camera tricks, old-fashioned, clunky animation, back projection and sometimes just by over-sized props.

This visual excess is grounded solidly in recognisable, painful human emotion. “Science of Sleep” lacks the precision and craft of previous Gondry collaborator Charlie Kaufman’s best work yet there’s much to be said for the rawer approach.

Stephane is clearly the writer-director’s alter-ego and it is a very harsh self-portrait, full of self-loathing and regret.

Probably more this year’s ‘ultimate loner’s movie’ (a far less sexy one-liner, I concede), I’d recommend it to anyone who’s ever felt the cold sting of rejection. Which is to say, everybody. www.nexusmag.co.nz

THE

AUTEUR HOUSE INTRODUCTION TO

Leni Riefenstahl

BY RICHARD SWAINSON There’s no critical consensus about who might be considered the ‘greatest female director of all time’ the way there is around say, “Citizen Kane”, as best film ever made. Hollywood could provide few applicants for the position. Comparatively recently, Australasia has thrown up names like Armstrong and Campion.

And the French are always good for the pretentious and the celebrated, if not the pretentiously celebrated (folk like Agnes Varda, Claire Denis and, especially, Catherine Breillat).

The only credible woman who fits the bill is called Leni Riefenstahl. She made two undisputed masterpieces in the 1930s, works of formal beauty and vision that are unlikely to be surpassed. One is thought of as the yardstick against which all propaganda films are measured. It’s called “Triumph of the Will”. The other is a documentary on 1936 Olympics which resists any attempt to reduce it to the status of mere ‘sports movie’. It’s called “Olympia”.

There is a very obvious problem with Riefenstahl, the reason why her reputation isn’t what it should be: she worked for the Nazis.

Hitler, in a rare if not unique instance of being able spot talent, personally commissioned her films. Guess he wasn’t a complete sexist.

Riefenstahl was not a Nazi herself but her first film at least was a celebration of the German fascist movement and management, an aesthetically brilliant exercise of flags, swastikas and mass rallies in which Der Fuhrer descends from the sky like a Teutonic god. The choreography was enough to make Busby Berkeley jealous and even Rudolf Hess looked sexy through Leni’s lens.

Like Hess Riefenstahl survived the war and lived a long, controversial life in the shadow of her past. It is one of the tragedies of twentieth century art that she was not permitted to make - or couldn’t finance - any post-war feature films.

Auteur House stocks the best available print of “Triumph of the Will” on DVD and the worst available print of “Olympia” on VHS. ISSUE 5 · 26 MARCH, 2007

45

Nexus is inviting you to write a letter to the WSU president Sehai Orgad. Tell her what’s on your mind!

Sincerely,

Hand your letter into the Nexus ofďŹ ce (Student union building) before next week and the best letter will win a prize from our prize box.

Got any funny Busted! pictures you want to share with us? Send ‘em to nexus@waikato.ac.nz and we’ll cram ‘em on here for you so you can point and laugh at ‘em with friends!

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