issue 5 by Nexus Magazine

Issue 05

29 March 2010

RANDOM:DESIGN

Candleman Design Competition A fresh look on snowboard art

When last year Candleman Snowboards launched the tertiary design competition ’09, the crew did not expect too much. The design comp was announced after the mid semester break and its finale coincided with the exam preparation week. Considering the general propensity of students to put off work until the very last moment in order to cram as much party time into their semester as possible, the design competition did not stand a chance. As it turned out, students did pay attention. The designs started flowing in from the very first week. Towards the end of the design submission period

that hand rail and jibbing the park or getting amongst the cliff drops and shredding the back country goodness, either way, she has the power of the gods so with her and your jib stick you’ll be set for to ride.” Rosanna offers a slightly more technical interpretation of her creative process. “Mess is an artwork that pushes the boundaries. To me this is what snowboarding is about, trying new things out your comfort zone and beyond the norm. There are lots of contrasting busy images against a background which is in many parts quite bare. This reﬂects snowboarding to me, busy and high paced against a serene and quiet backdrop. The

every single university from around New Zealand was represented. Two cash prizes were up for grabs in the Girls’ and Guys’ snowboard design divisions. In addition to the cash prizes the winners’ artworks were to become Candleman Snowboards’ ofﬁcial new season graphics. So the winners were in for a double dip – the cash and the glory. The winners’ comments provide some insight into what inspires such awesome designs. “Skadi is the Greek goddess of winter” - says Carl. “... Skadi is sure to bring good luck along with the snow for an epic season. Mixed in with the urban grafﬁti style, [S]kadi will be at home sliding down

intricate details in parts of Mess round off the rough edges, balance and reﬁne the artwork to a controlled and presentable piece.” The design competition highlighted the obvious fact – there are plenty of talented students out there. Candleman Snowboards Tertiary Design Comp is a great way to ﬂex those creative muscles and to showcase your work. If you are into arts, snowboarding or even simply like to support local brands, visit Candleman Snowboards website www.candleman.co.nz for the details of Tertiary Design Comp 2010. Peace!

EDITORIAL

I think it’s about time Nexus made a stand on the Lettuce pages and the contents there. We REALLY DON’T CARE ABOUT RELIGION. If you want to be an atheist, then good for you. I hope you’ve read up enough proper literature to do more with your beliefs than just call Christians stupid. I hope that Richard Dawkins isn’t the be all and end all of your arguments. I hope you’re not a jackass (who thinks that people who don’t choose to believe in evolution and the big bang are somehow mentally retarded) who rams your own beliefs down other people’s throats. If you’re a Christian, then good for you. I hope you follow the two commandments Jesus put out in the New Testament: love God and don’t be a dick to anyone. That includes socially shunning people who choose to go along with evolution rather than the book of Genesis. I hope you don’t think Brian Tamaki is cool, because he’s really giving all of you a bad name. I also hope you don’t try to ram your religion down other people’s throats. If you’re Jewish, then good for you. I hope you’re not getting harassed by people who think the Holocaust is a joke. I hope people don’t try to lump you in as a ‘big nose, money hungry’ kind of person, because those are the same kind of insults the Nazis used and it’s just plain ignorant. I hope you don’t try to ram

Stop writing about Religion your religion or your dietary habits down other people’s throats. If you’re a Muslim, then good for you. I hope you aren’t someone who tries to force people in a non-Muslim country (like our one) to change their way of life to suit your religion. I hope you don’t treat women as lesser than men because of the Sharia law in some Muslim countries. I hope people don’t hassle you about things which are happening on the other side of the world. I hope you don’t try to ram your religion down other people’s throats. If you’re a Hindu, a Sikh or a Buddhist, then good for you. I can freely admit to having very little knowledge about you guys, only that all your religions started in South Asia. Go about your business. The thing about university is that everyone thinks they know everything after one big bong-hit and a half remembered episode of South Park or some documentary like Zeitgesit (which is crap). Then

they feel safe enough and well educated enough to go and slag off Christians, Muslims and whoever else they want. Sure, Family Guy is funny when it’s on TV, but when you repeat those jokes to a Muslim or a Jew you’ve just met, who also may not speak English very well, you’re just a prick. I’m not saying don’t watch Family Guy or documentaries on religion; I’m just saying be more well-read before you try to throw some “academic” bullshit round the pub. The same goes for Christians, who come to university with big eyes and great hopes of converting the hot boy in their class so they can raise wonderful Christian babies. People aren’t going to like you arguing from the Bible every time there’s a debate in your ethics class or your religion class. Read some books other than the Bible, at least so you have some different quotes next time you argue. I don’t say this because I don’t want you to read the Bible; I say it so you can win an argument and not look like such a tool when you quote John 3:16 and expect that to turn the tide in your arguments. In closing, dear brothers and sisters, do some reading. Read a book, watch a documentary; just make sure you watch more than just the angle you want to look at. Just remember that, no matter what your outlook on life and religion is, we don’t care. We love you all equally. Except for Young Act. They creep us out.

Credits: EDITOR: Art Robinson (editor@nexusmag.co.nz) DESIGN: Talia Musson (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) ADVERTISING: Ian Musson, Tony Arkell, Sarah Kelly (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) NEWS EDITOR: Grant Burns (news@nexusmag.co.nz)

5 Low Five!

21 Cop Report

6 News from here and abroad!

22 You Are What you Eat

11 Execution Returneth!

28 Fight the Puzzles of Death

FEATURES EDITOR: Debrin Foxcroft (debrin.foxcroft@gmail. com) WEB GURU: Jed Laundry (jlaundry@gmail.com) MUSIC EDITOR: Hollie Jackson (music@nexusmag.co.nz) FILM EDITOR: Richard Swainson (ﬁlms@nexusmag.co.nz) BOOKS EDITOR: Kevin Pryor (books@nexusmag.co.nz) GAMES EDITORS: To be decided by virtue of content submission (games@nexusmag.co.nz)

12 Dead Weather

Contributors Dirty Old Blair Munro, Pretty Funny Emma Edwards, Dirty

13 WSU Pages

Little Hollie Jackson, Dirty Hipster Kevin Pryor, Sean With The Goatee Castle, Erin “it’s my hair, not a ﬁre” Macfarlane, Loud American Mackenzie McCarty, Whoever Takes Photos at 101 or The Outback, James “Towlie” Manning” Judy’s Sweet Legs, Dr Richard Swainson, Aunty Emma Abrahams, Ross McCleod,

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa

18 Stupid people getting angry in Lettuce

29 Beautiful columns by awesome people! 35 Reviews of everything from movies to books to video games!

Student Press Association (ASPA).

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. WE THINK HOT STEPH NEEDS A BOYFRIEND. EMAIL YOUR BOYFRIEND APPLICATION TO NEXUS@WAIKATO.AC.NZ

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL ads@nexusmag.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: editor@nexusmag.co.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

Page 22

INTERVIEW: LO 5

Lo 5

RANDOM:FYI

Director of Nexus Publications (2003) Ltd

By Grant Burns

LO QUESTIONS 1. If a meteorite was about to strike, ending the human race, what do you think we should do about it? 2. What do you think of the Taiwanese Wheel Cake stand? 3. Which kiwi would you like to see on the next dancing with the stars? 4. If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be? 5. What hot-air balloon shape would you like to see at next year’s Balloons over Waikato?

Melanie - Management

Daniel and Kirstine - English 1. Listen to the Mars Volta as loud as possible, drink champagne and read Jane Austen. 2. It’s another dollop of cultural diversity around campus. It smells good, but never eaten there. 3. John Banks – he’d talk everyone to death. 4. Pride and Prejudice on perpetual repeat. 5. A Big round Octopus.

Matt - Science

We Want You! To Direct Our Magazine! Nexus Publications (2003) Ltd is a wholly owned company of the Waikato Students’ Union (WSU). Each year the WSU appoints Directors to oversee the operation of the student Magazine, Nexus. In 2010 the WSU is looking to appoint one student representative to the Board of Directors. The position of Director of Nexus is a very important one, and carries considerable responsibility. Nexus is one of the main communication tools between WSU and its members, and between students and their community.

Andrew - Management

By law, Directors are required to act with reasonable care and good faith to ensure that good governance is exercised over the organisation.

Tetere - CUP course

In practice the Directors assume responsibility for examining and approving the budget and annual report, and ensuring that good policies are in place to enable the business to be carried out in a professional manner. This requires up to four formal meetings a year, plus other time as required for emergency or unexpected events. If you have an interest in this ﬁeld and a willingness to apply some thought and effort into this role please apply to wsu@wsu.org.nz

Apply Now!

Email your CV to: wsu@wsu.org.nz Before: 31 March 2010 5

NEXUS NEWS ISSUE 05

Nature = Money New Zealand land is good business By Grant Burns

Here’s the facts:

Coromandel: Seven areas totalling 2574ha on the peninsula, plus the 396ha Otahu Ecological Area and the 68ha Parakawai Geological Area to the south are proposed for removal from schedule 4. The wider

The government last week unveiled plans to take conservative land in the Coromandel, Great Barrier Island, and parts of Paparoa National Park on the West Coast out of the protection of schedule 4 in the Crown Minerals Act. The Government will also be spending $4 million looking at mining other potentially mineral-rich schedule 4 parts in the Coromandel and Rakiura National Park on Stewart Island. Altogether the Government proposes to take 7,058 hectares of land which is currently deemed crucial to the conservation estate and New Zealand’s heritage and hand it over to the mining companies clocking in at a whooping $60 billion. Public outcry has already begun against this proposal; The Labour Party is embarking on a nationwide tour opposing the bill and Auckland Mayor John Banks has slammed the Great Barrier idea. “This is the untouched jewel in the crown of Hauraki Maritime Park. Any suggestion it should be removed from schedule 4 will be met with strong opposition from the citizens of Auckland,” However, John Key is focused on the ﬁnancial side. “The question is whether the merits of that argument stack up. Now, at the moment, what

we’re saying to New Zealanders is there is a real potential there, there is already extensive mining activity in New Zealand and here is an opportunity to potentially extend that,” said Mr Key. Energy and Resources Minister Gerry Brownlee and Conservation Minister Kate Wilkinson said a stocktake put the value of New Zealand’s mineral resources at $194 billion, excluding coal and hydrocarbons, of which $80b was on schedule 4 land. There was potential for about $60b worth to be mined. However, some fellow Party delegates are opposed to the bill, most notably Nikki Hayes. But, Brownlee’s a coal monster so he knows what to say. “This is a public discussion document and I think Nikki has centred her concerns on a part of her electorate and that’s quite reasonable, “said Brownlee. “You’ve got to respect the fact that people are elected in electorates and they have to represent their electorates and this is a public consultation document. MPs are part of the general discussion on that.” Opening more land for mining would also boost exports. The biggest miner is state-owned Solid Energy. Mining could start in three to ﬁve years, with coal and gold reserves likely to be exploited ﬁrst. But there was also considerable potential in rare earth elements, worth $300 to $500 a kilogram.

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Coromandel is estimated to contain $54b in minerals, mostly gold and silver. Paparoa National Park: The 3315ha Inangahua sector may contain $1b to $2b of coal. Great Barrier Island: The 705ha Te Ahumata Plateau, considered to have gold and silver deposits potentially worth $4.3b. Stewart Island: Rakiura National Park is estimated to have $7b in minerals. Northland: Estimated to have $47b in mineral reserves.

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NEXUS NEWS ISSUE 05

OUSA Sticks Some Junk on TradeMe By Gregor Whyte

Showing rare ingenuity, vision, and drive, the OUSA Executive last week listed the Association for sale on popular auction website TradeMe. The auction, which boasted a reserve of $50 million, listed OUSA’s assets, such as Planet Media (which owns Radio One and Critic) and a stake in the University Book Shop, along with its liabilities, like the Executive (we’re mostly kidding). Unfortunately for would-be buyers, TradeMe withdraw the initial auction on the grounds that it was effectively a business sale, and thus had to be listed in the commercial property section. OUSA relisted the auction in the appropriate section but the auction was again pulled after TradeMe received complaints. TradeMe spokesman Paul Ford told Critic the auction was “pushing the envelope in terms of what we would normally offer for sale” but that it was not pulled because of any underlying political message; rather, it was taken down “due to complaints that it effectively wasn’t for sale.” These

Racist Sex Criminal Exposes Exclusively To ‘Ethnics’ By The New Zealand Police Italics by the Dicks at Nexus Police seek Your help. Hamilton Police are aware of a male who has been exposing himself to females, particularly in the Hamilton East area (even though the majority of pre-schools are in Hamilton West). Several members of Hamilton’s ethnic communities (none in particular, just “ethnic”) have been the victims of this individuals exploits (dick waggling). There may be others (whites) that have witnessed such behaviour, and we would like to speak to these people. The man is described as Caucasian in his late 40’s (experienced pervert), and of a tall, athletic build (beefcake). Police want to hear from anyone who may have seen this person or become a victim of his exposure (seen his penis), or anyone that knows of others who may have become a victim of his actions (may have just seen a bit of sack

and are undecided on whether it was perversion or courtship). With enough information (descriptions of his wang), Police hope to end this unwanted behaviour. Anyone with information should contact Constable Pere PAEA in the first instance (just yell “pervert” as loud as you can). I can arrange for your information to be handled in strict confidence (no one will know what you saw) by a suitable officer as required. Thank you for your help. Pere Paea Senior Constable Ethnic & Pacifica Peoples Liaison Officer New Zealand Police. phone: 07 858 6332. (Hmm, maybe this could be one of those serious, don’t-be-a-dick/ take-the-piss-out-of situations? O well, time to go for my daily naked jog.)

complaints centred on the fact that any sale of the Association would have to be ratified by a Student General Meeting (SGM). While OUSA President Harriet Geoghegan admits that the auction was “intended to be a bit cheeky … if someone wants to give us a $50-million cash injection for our building, there certainly is an opportunity so serious bids would have been taken seriously.” However, Geoghegan did state that she had sought legal advice before listing the auction. The real purpose of the auction, according to Geoghegan, was to raise awareness of the services run by OUSA, and the potential for these to be either lost, or commercialised, if VSM is passed into law. It is unclear as yet who would actually want to buy OUSA, given the rather lofty auction starting price. The wording of the auction did however suggest that the 20 000 students covered by the Association represented “an opportunity for hefty profit margins in making services user pays and capitalising off a captive student market,” so maybe a brewery or liquor chain might have stuck a quiet bid in. Certainly would help spice up those boring SGMs …

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NEXUS NEWS ISSUE 05

The Forgotten People

A quick synopsis about Amnesty International and a new bi-weekly column

by Bruce Clark and Waikato Amnesty International We are all familiar with Indonesia’s terrible record of human rights abuse in East Timor, a sorry tale of oppression, murder and torture. East Timor became something of a cause celebre, as the world woke up to the facts of Indonesia’s illegal invasion, harsh occupation and, finally, the rights of its people to selfdetermination. What we more easily forget is that, while this murder and mayhem was being perpetrated by the Indonesian forces, the West, our own enlightened government and that of Australia included, had , for a generation or more, turned a blind eye to the atrocities. The East Timorese were on their own, presumably as the need to maintain friendly relations with a growing economic power overrode any concerns about justice and human rights. One could scarcely imagine a clearer case of injustice and the right of a people to self-determination, yet the plight of the Timorese was so easily forgotten. That such hypocrisy and neglect of a people so close to us could occur again would be unconscionable, would it not? Of course it would but the realpolitik of international relations should not be underestimated. A very similar set of circumstances to those that occurred in East Timor do indeed prevail in a land even closer to ours, and a mere hop, skip and a jump from our Australian neighbours. West Papua, artificially divided from Papua New Guinea by its colonial legacy, has, and is, suffering just such a fate. Ethnically and linguistically completely different from the other Indonesian populations, West Papua was granted independence but, in breach of an agreement with the Netherlands, the previous colonial master, Indonesia

illegally invaded in the early 60s, an invasion, supposedly legitimised by a vote of 1000 or so tribal leaders under the gun. Indonesia has maintained a reign of terror carried out by its armed force since that time. From 1969 , the Free Papua Movement, or OPM has conducted an armed resistance, albeit with the most meagre of military resources. This insurgency has been fuelled by economic deprivation, political disempowerment and the forcible loss of and pollution of habitat Protest has been met with the most vicious response. Lowry, in his ‘Armed Forces of Indonesia’ cites the armed forces as “indulging in indiscriminate killing and torture of suspected rebels and sympathisers” and the “ indiscriminate use of terror and force rather than the building of social structures and networks which would produce more enduring and self-sustaining results”. Because of the control of information coming out of West Papua , estimates of deaths are difficult, but tens of thousands ( the OPM estimates hundreds of thousands) , of non-combatants have been killed by the army since the 1960’s. The exact figure may not be known, but, recently , the BBC gave a figure of 15% of the population having been killed in the ongoing independence struggle. The Indonesian army’s has an atrocious record of murder, rape and torture, the plight of the West Papuan people is all but ignored by the West and its press. Of course, the usual suspects in the exploitation of the powerless, the multi-national mining and forestry concerns, are there as well, paying millions in protection to the army, whilst, in the case of Freeport McMoran at its Grasberg mine for instance, earning about US$ 1 million in profit per day. Needless to say, only a scrap

of this finds its way to the local communities, whose protests are met with the most brutal response Freeport Mc Moran built the largest gold mine and the third largest copper mine in the world in West Papua. It became the largest tax payer to the Indonesian government and was vital to the governments drive to attract overseas investment in the post-Sukarno era. Its economic importance entailed the brutal suppression of any opposition to its activities . Mass killings of Papuans by the Indonesian forces have occurred near the mine and any call for a better deal for the local people has only ever been met with the stationing of more troops. .People disappear, whole populations are forcibly moved, and denied the ability to pursue their traditional way of life, and the world stays silent. Having seen the hypocritical aboutturn of our own and other governments over the situation in East Timor, one need not be surprised. The Indonesian maintains strict control over media access to West Papua, and its far enough off the beaten track for the Indonesian government and the multinationals to get on with business. Migration from other parts of Indonesia means that the West Papuans are threatened with becoming a minority in their own land with their land and resources being exploited for the gain of others, and their traditional way of life in danger of extinction. Perhaps one day the world will wake up to the terrible oppression that goes on in West Papua, and people will wonder how this modern day colonial depredation had taken place right under our noses. No doubt, it will be asserted that such a thing could not happen again.

NEWS FROM NOWHERE BY GRANT BURNS {INTERNATIONAL NEWS}

Woah! OBAMA! CHANGE! It seems Randy Marsh was right when he ran around drunk and naked flipping cop cars shouting “Woah! Change! Obama, Obama.” US President Barack Obama last week signed a transformative health care bill ushering in universal medical coverage for the first time in the nation’s history. House Democrats voted 219-212 late Sunday to send the landmark legislation to Obama.

New Zealanders may not appreciate the significance of this bill. Before the signing of this bill in America, when you went to the doctor’s the first question you were asked was not “where does it hurt?” but “are you insured?” Doctors, nurses, hospitals and health organisations in the past have all been caught rejecting patients with serious injuries or health conditions simply because they do

Obama then signed the papers on Tuesday and – puff – change. The 10-year, US$938 billion bill will now extend coverage to 32 million uninsured Americans, reduce deficits and ban insurance company practices such as charging more to women and denying coverage to people with pre-existing medical conditions. “This is what change looks like,” said Obama with a humble grin. “We proved that this government - a government of the people and by the people - still works for the people.”

not have the money on them at that point. Michael Moore’s documentary ‘Sicko’ is a really good reference point for this issue. However, Obama will now have to travel to Iowa City, Iowa on Thursday to convince the public to get behind him. Senator John McCain (2008 Presidential reject) said Monday morning that Democrats have not heard the last of the health care debate, and said he was repulsed by “all this euphoria going on.”

Sexy babe The world’s fattest mother, who is trying to put on weight to become the world’s fattest woman, has received death threats after revealing her goal to the world’s media. Speaking to Entertainment Tonight, Donna Simpson said her plans had provoked extreme and frightening reactions in some people. “Since we started this I’ve got death threats: ‘If I ever see you, I’m killing you,’” she told the program. “That bothers me .... it bothers me that somebody would feel that way.” Ms Simpson, a mother of two from New Jersey, weighs 273kg but is actively eating a high-calorie diet in order to reach her goal weight of 1000lbs (450kg) in the next two years. The 42-year-old said she was proud of her body and especially of her massive, expanding stomach which she described as “the centrepiece of my fatness”. “I feel very sexy,” she told ET interviewer Diane Dimond.

Ms Simpson, whose mobility is already severely limited by her weight, said she hoped to get to the beach someday and wear a bikini to show off her body. The mother said she was gaining weight in a “healthy way” by eating large amounts of food such as sushi that are good for her, rather than just junk food. Last week, Ms Simpson revealed her partner Philippe was “a real belly man” who encouraged her gain weight. In order to pay for the enormous amounts of food she is eating — her weekly grocery bill is $1050 — Ms Simpson makes money by running a website where men pay to watch her consume fast food.

{NATIONAL NEWS} Harden the f*ck up you poor bastards! – Paula Bennett translation Rags to riches, fags to bitches Minister of Social Development rolled out more than just her belly last Thursday when she unveiled a comprehensive package of words aiming to break the cycle of welfare dependency. The Future Focus package delivers on National’s pre-election promises by rebalancing expectations and obligations. “I strongly believe people are better off in work; it’s better for them individually, for their children and their families,” says Ms Bennett. “Most New Zealanders want to work. As the economy gradually improves, picking up speed next year, more jobs will become available and as they do, we’ll expect people to take them,” says Ms Bennett. 345,000 New Zealanders currently receive a benefit, costing taxpayers $4.8 billion a year. Future Focus aims to support only those in genuine need. There is an expectation that those who can work, do. Wait, has anyone told Ms Bennett that there aren’t any jobs around? If a BA graduate can get rejected from a McDonalds job, then it is safe to say we have a bigger problem with job availability and company layoffs than the rising amount of people who cannot get these non-existent jobs. All benefit rates will increase annually in line with the cost of living increases. This will now be enshrined in law. Other changes include: • Changes to childcare assistance thresholds for high income earners • Strengthening obligations for Independent Youth Beneficiaries to make education the priority • Effective sanctions that don’t penalise dependent children • More rigorous assessments for Sickness Beneficiaries that focus on what people can do, not what they can’t • Stricter application of eligibility criteria for Invalids Benefit “These changes mean New Zealand’s welfare system provides help for those who genuinely need it, without becoming a lifestyle choice for those who don’t,” says Ms Bennett.

NEXUS NEWS ISSUE 05

Altamont Free Concert Festival 6 December 1969 “History is a race between education and catastrophe.” – H.G. Wells

Secret History of the World

By Grant Burns

Remember the sixties? Na, you don’t. You may have some vague idea of what it was actually like, but you don’t know/remember the real horrors that occurred behind the sun. I’m sure everyone has heard some stoned git yelling “I wish it were the sixties man. What happened man? What about Woodstock? What went wrong?” Well I’ll tell you what when wrong – dude, free love, free drugs, and free music doesn’t just happen, it

other amphetamines, the Angel’s kept drinking and drinking. And then the fights broke out. The Grateful Dead refused to go on stage because of the fighting. This left the headliners, The Rolling Stones to go on early in front of a tripped out, angry audience who the “security” were fighting. To put things into perspective, Mick Jagger was punched squarely in the face by a renegade fan as soon as he got out of his helicopter. By the

needs to be organised. Ever wondered why something as awesome as Woodstock never occurred again? It is because of what happened at The Altamont Free Concert Festival on 6 December 1969.

third song of their set, The Stones had to stop and urge the crowd to stop fighting otherwise someone was going to get hurt. After stopping a second time during “Under Your Thumb”, The Stones were ordered to keep playing to stop a riot from breaking out. Keith Richard’s remembers fans chucking glass bottles at him, people starting fires in the back ground; absolute mayhem. The catalyst came when an 18 year old boy named Meredith Hunter tried to clammer onto the stage in an LSD fuelled rage. Being as drunk as they were, the Hell’s Angels saw this as an attack on the Stones so they tackled the boy offstage. From there they proceeded to kick and punching the tripping teenager, during the scuffle the boy was also stabbed and left to die in a pool of his own blood. After the concert it came to light that three other people had died at the concert: two in a hit and run and one in an accidental drowning. Four births were also reported at this event.

Beginning of the end of the sixties

Woodstock of the West The Rolling Stones, Santana, Jefferson Airplane, The Grateful Dead, Crosby, Stills & Nash – One day, one concert – for free. The event was originally supposed to be held at Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, but due to a 49ers football game being double booked, the event was moved to Sears Point. Two days before the event, the location was changed to Altamont Speedway. Already there were problems with a shortage of toilet facilities and only a one metre high stage. To police the stage, The Grateful Dead and The Rolling Stones hired the Hells Angels Motorcycle Gang who had acted as security at other Grateful concerts without violence. Since the concert was free and there was no money to be made, The Angels were paid with beer – 500 dollars worth - which was a fuck load back then. Approximately 300,000 people attended the concert which was being heralded as “The Woodstock of the West” on pamphlets dispersed throughout Northern California. Filmmakers Albert and David Maysles set up to film the event (their footage later ended up on the Rolling Stones Gimme Shelter DVD). The event started with Crosby, Stills & Nash in the Californian sun will The Angel’s were sitting on the stage sipping their beers. And that’s about the soberest and safest it ever got. As the crowd started dropping LSD and 10

Rock music critic Robert Christgau summed it up best when he wrote that “while Woodstock represented “peace and Love”, Altamont came to be viewed as the end of the hippie era and the de facto conclusion of late1960s American youth culture.”

Jefferson Airplane drummer Spencer Dryden was so disillusioned by what happened at Altamont that he quit the band two months after. All future rock concerts were banned from the site. So, like Auntie Janis said: “Bye Bye Baby, Baby goodbye.” After Altamont on December 6 1969, everything turned to shit. The dream was over; Vietnam still raged on. Then, the Prince (Jim Morrison) died, the Queen died (Janis Joplin) and the Ultimate Musician (Jimi Hendrix) died and everyone else was shot down at Kent State. The end.

RANDOM:EXEC

Execution With Jordan Bakerstein

I have done it. I have successfully infiltrated the WSU weekly board meetings

I have done it. I have successfully infiltrated the WSU weekly board meetings. But it has not been easy. It has taken every ounce of my cunning, my determination, my skills learned from watching National Treasure and reading Dan Brown. Last week my source inside the WSU obtained secret documents and passed them on to me. They were seemingly innocuous, nothing more than the minutes to the previous meeting. But upon closer inspection it became apparent that these

Monologues, a play which is not, as I thought, the female equivalent of Puppetry of the Penis, but instead a series of monologues by a series of women which the Academy of Performing Arts website calls a “celebration of what essentially makes women women.” This all sounds very noble, so I felt bad that I laughed when I saw the props list and noticed they need a rug for a play about vaginas. These were the important things talked about at the meeting. You just

were coded messages. They were written in English, but I still had no idea what the heck they said. I hope to decode these someday and reveal their secrets to you, brave readers, but for now the thing that interested me was what was written at the top: “The next meeting will take place at 12pm, Next Friday, at Guru Phabian’s.” Once again, as so often happens when you live in the shadowy underworld I inhabit, this answer only provided me with more questions. I knew the location was Guru Phabian’s, but Guru Phabian’s what? His house? Office? Secret hollowed-out-volcano lair? And who was this Phabian? What was he the Guru of? My imagination provided me with many possibilities, each more horrifying than the last. Maybe Guru Phabian was the WSU’s shadowy paymaster, secretly pulling the strings behind the scenes. Maybe he was their bloodthirsty high priest, and the time had come for more human sacrifices. All these thoughts were swirling through my head as I walked towards the Nexus offices with the intention of telling Art that my investigating was no longer safe, that I wanted out. I had nearly reached the office when I happened to glance to the left and see a small sign on a room I had never noticed before. The room was called Guru Phabians. Relief flooded my body. It was a room! Guru Phabians was just the room where the meeting would happen! With my fears put aside I began to calm down and prepare myself for the meeting. Inside the meeting, I found that all my preconceptions were being challenged. Far from the secret rituals and incantations I had been expecting (apart from an opening karakia from Toko Baker), the meeting was actually really, really boring. I am by nature a rather immature person, and I struggle sit in a room full of people without making farty sounds or taking off my shirt and waving it around in order to be the centre of attention. But I fought my juvenile impulses and sat back quietly as an observer. It seems that through boredom, important issues are able to be addressed. Such issues included the fact that Muslim students are apparently being charged $5 a pop for after hours access to the Muslim room, an issue El Presidente Deni will be raising with the Vice Chancellor. I learned that the University will be backing the WSU in its stance against the VSM bill. David, the manager of the WSU also expressed strong opposition to the bill. I also learned that the University is considering “changing” (read: “raising”) the various levies (building levy, health levy) we pay when we enrol. Kate Magazinovic presented her request for funding for the Vagina

read this article in more or less five minutes (less for English majors, more for Sport and Leisure majors). I was in that meeting for two hours, and I still left early. In the time between the important bits, I learned many interesting facts. Guru Phabians (the room, not the person) has exactly 65 tiles on its roof. Luke Claasen, our VP Maori wears Calvin Klein underpants, black. Environmental Officer Sam Lake wears Bonds underwear, red. And VP Glen Delmere, when he feeds his ridiculously cute baby, will take some of the baby food for himself. Next week I’m taking a book.

I’ve lost the lot Jonathan had just completed a major assignment for a Masters paper when hiscomputer crashed. The assignment is due in 3 days. What can he do? He can talk to his tutor and see if he can get an extension but this is not automatically granted even with the best of excuses. So he may have to have some sleepless days and nights as he recreates his assignment, and he should buy a memory stick and back up his work every night. The Hamilton Area Citizens Advice Bureau provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria Street, 70 Kent Street Frankton, at Garden Place and the Cowshed at the University. They also have legal, advocacy and consumer services available where you can get more specialised help.

RANDOM:MUSIC

A No Hassle Night: The Dead ByWeather James Manning Hello. My name is James Manning, and I am a Powerstation virgin...Well, I was, until the night of March 17th, in which I joined the packed out iconic venue in a gathering of elite

taunting us, the lights go out, a silhouetted backdrop becomes visible, and four figures take to the stage to a deafening crowd roar. For those that look no further passed the Gaga

musical appreciation, a love for passionate dark blues, intimate live experiences, and Jack motherfuckin’ White. Would you like to hear my tale? Good. Arriving fashionably early, we stroll excitedly to as close to the stage as possible; two people from the fence, not what I hoped for, but it will do. Opening three-piece band ‘Street Chant’ get the night rolling with their abrasive version of post-punk reminiscent of fellow NZ band ‘Die! Die! Die!’ The female singer wore a Seinfeld t-shirt, the drummer a ‘3-Ds’ t-shirt, and bass player a pair of fluorescent yellow tights. Enough said – they have promise. It is at this point that the first inevitable douche bag decided to rear his ugly head and eternally piss everyone off. This guy, bigger than everyone else, turns up and forces his way to the front, stealing crowd views, views which mean more than every scholarship available to each blocked by this goon. Fashioned in a Speights wife beater, shaved head, sunglasses, fake tan, and that oh so pleasant stench of intoxication, he attempts to squeeze to the fence by bopping against a chick half his size. DICK. The security guard must have noted the hatred surrounding said goon, as he was forced to leave. Win. The ritualistic task of the sound-tecs teasing the audience by tuning every instrument to perfection reaches that famous timeless drawl. Though just before it feels they will never stop

populated radio airwaves, let me educate you to the foundations of ‘The Dead Weather’. On vocals and occasional guitar/tambourine we have Alison Mosshart from The Kills, on guitar and keys Dean Fertita of Queens of the Stone Age fame, on bass Jack Lawrence from The Raconteurs and Greenhornes, and drums Jack White of The White Stripes and The Raconteurs. Opening with the beast that is ’60 Feet Tall’,

For those that look no further passed the Gaga populated radio airwaves, let me educate you to the foundations of ‘The Dead Weather’ the sheer sound, clarity and power of the band immediately becomes apparent, blowing all misconceptions of ‘just another supergroup’ out the fuck. With the mistress from hell Alison in top form, leering over the crazed audience while crouched on the speakers during a particularly explosive version of first single ‘Hang You from the Heavens’, it’s obvious to see why many have praised this band on its live performances. Fertita’s heavy blues guitar, Lawrences dirty basslines, and White throwing his hulk arms against a suspiciously small drumkit showcases each of their backgrounds in D.I.Y. flavoured

garage rock, a sound which seems to culminate throughout the performance. A performance of which contains the majority of their debut album ‘Horehound’, from the uplifting ‘So Far From Your Weapon’ to the ferocious ‘New Pony’. It is during this song that Alison epitomises the term ‘badass’, with her fierce gaze obscured by frayed and unkept black hair almost paralysing those brave enough to look into them. We even got treated to a slab of new tracks off their sophomore effort ‘Sea of Cowards’ due out in May, demonstrating a heavier progression from their already released works. The obvious highlight of the night came with album closer duet ‘Will There Be Enough Water’, with Mr. White coming out from behind the drumkit for some high pitched guitar action. Stretched to a 10 minute version, Mosshart and White share vocal talents, leaving all in an utter state of amazement, with the musical chemistry between the two truly being something special. I’d try to explain how epic his guitar solo was, but I don’t think I can do it justice. Just when you think it can’t get any better, they come back for an encore with the strobbing onslaught of ‘Treat Me Like Your Mother’, closing the show on one mega-high note. If my first Powerstation experience proved anything, it is that The Dead Weather is no mere Jack White side project. Sure, it may seem like a ‘cool-kids-club-of-rock’ supergroup, but rest assured, this is a band of its own, with a sound owed to each member, and is here to stay.

YOUR: WSU

Prez Sez:

An Update on Your New ‘Student Centre’ There’s a new way to reorientate yourself if you somehow manage to get lost among the meandering streets of Silverdale and Hillcrest: you search for the crane on the skyline that has been slugging away on the construction of your new $35 million Student Centre for the past month. I thought that it would be helpful to update you this week on the latest developments of the Student Centre. Firstly, it’s important that you know that in 2008 your Waikato Students’ Union (WSU) contributed $1,000,000 to the Student Centre, and another $1,000,000 through our joint venture U-Leisure. In return for WSU’s considerable investment, the University agreed

to include a permanent student space on the corner of the new Student Centre (which will replace Bennett’s Bookshop and the top half of L Block closest to the Library); and another student space located within the Library which WSU has control of and right of renewal for five years after the date of completion. We’re currently working on a number of ideas as to what would be the best use of both spaces for you as students. The key here is to ensure that both spaces are actively utilised by students to add to the vibrancy of what will become the social heart of the University as they are both prime locations. And even though the

idea of a student bar would nicely fit the above description, it is not included in the WSU-University agreement that was signed in 2008. Currently, the refurbishment of level 2 and a portion of level 3 of the Library is underway and work on the new atrium and glazed façade will soon follow. If you are a regular user of the Library you will have noticed the subtle changes that have occurred day by day. As a result of the noise and activity occurring within and around the Library, S1:01 has been made available for student study purposes. The Student Centre is expected to be completed in August 2011

and is in line to become the University’s first ever Green Star building, pending approval from the NZ Green Business Council. By the way, the new ‘Student Centre’ still doesn’t officially have a name, so if you think you have a good name for it, please send me an email. Deni Tokunai WSU President president@wsu.org.nz

Glen’s VP Speak This is the last couple of days that YOU have the ability to help save YOUR STUDENT UNION. To do this you need to get on the computer and put in a submission to parliament: it’s is as easy as going online to www.saveourservices.org. nz and ticking a few boxes here and there. This needs to be done by 5pm 31 March. Our President Deni wrote last week on VSM (Voluntary Student Membership) and the Freedom of Association Bill and as is the case he has to be “nice”. Me well I’m going to let rip with my opinion. In my opinion this stupid idea has come from a politician (Roger Douglas) who knows very little

about what studying in the 21st Century is about. I find it very strange that a 71 one year old Member of Parliament (born in 1937) is trying to tell students what they want. The other thing that he and the party he belongs to push is user pays, which once again in my opinion is strange. He received a free university education and he is more than happy to use air travel which the taxpayer pays for due to his previous time spent as a parliamentarian. In other words: he is the USER and we PAY! But hey this is only my opinion we are all still entitled to one aren’t we?

The last couple of days that YOU have the ability to help save YOUR STUDENT UNION

OPEN: 8.30am-4.30pm PHONE: 07 856 9139 WEB: www.wsu.org.nz 13 13

YOUR: WSU

PICTURE LOG Culture Day 2009

Culture Day: This year Culture Day will be held the second week back after term break (April 28th) 12-2 on the village green. Clubs from all different parts of the world will be there to sell you traditional food (at student prices.), show you their culture and entertain you with all kinds of traditional performances. Check out the photos from previous years: it’s an awesome event so we hope to see you there!

Clubs: Have YOUR Say in Nexus! The team who write the WSU Pages in Nexus are looking for clubs who want to contribute. So if you think that your club is the bee’s knees and have something interesting to say, then start writing today!

and who students should contact if they want more information. If you want the spotlight on your club to feature at a speciﬁc time, that’s ﬁne too: just email us the dates and we’ll see what we can do.

We want you to send us 100-150 words (plus a few photos) about who your club is, what you do,

At this stage it’s ﬁrst-in, ﬁrst-served, so send your blurb today to Shannon at clubs@wsu.org. nz

Congratulations Winners! A big congratulations to the winners of our club competitions. A few weeks ago we had a competition to decipher a coded letter. Congratulations to Mark Webby who receives $50!

We also want to congratulate the people who won $50 in the “Fifty Dollars per Day” competition for afﬁliating to a club. So congratulations to Jannelle Pounceby, Jessy Powell and Bree Des Barres. Come and see Shannon to pick up your prize!

YOUR: WSU

WSU Service Spotlight: Hardship As we’ve been telling you for the last few weeks now, the advocacy service is one of the key ways in which your student union levy is spent. Using the advocacy service is free for all University of Waikato students – so make sure you make use of our advocates when you need them!

your car suddenly karks it and (because you live in Matamata) you have no other way to get to uni.

Too Stressed to Study.

So what can we do to help? Provided that you meet the criteria (mostly the stuff in italics above), we are generally able to help you out financially. The WSU Hardship funds does this in two mains ways. So far we’ve looked at how advocates can represent One way is that we can provide you with interestyou and provide you with advice regarding academic free loans: we give you some money to help you out and personal problems. This week, we’re going to have and you have to pay it back over the course of the a look at the hardship service, which is when we help see the year. Or we can Service give you some food vouchers when Come Advocacy @ the Waikato Student Union Building (by the banks) Ground floor. you out financially. your financial situation means that you’re struggling advocacy ser vice phone: 07 856 9139 email: advocacy@wsu.org.nz to buy food for the week. Bear in mind that each The hardship service exists to provide students with student can only access the hardship fund once per financial support. To qualify, you have to have been year, so be careful how you use it. In any case, if you affected by a temporary, unforeseen event which are struggling a bit financially come and see us: if we threatens your studies. We don’t pay out on fines or can’t help you, we know lots of places who can and debt though, so don’t be in too much of a hurry to will refer you onto them. get to class. On the other hand, if your house burns down (and all your possessions go up in smoke) then So next time you’re a bit stuck, come and see us. we can provide you with a small bit of funding to The very lovely Shannon Kelly, who is our full-time help get you back on your feet. Common situations advocate, can be emailed at advocacy@wsu.org. which result in hardship services include things like nz or phoned on 07 856 9139. Or, if you’re in the sudden dental bills; theft of all your stuff; your flatmate neighbourhood, drop into the WSU reception and pulling a runner and leaving you to pay the rent ; or book an appointment to see her.

Need help?

Sustainable Challenge Update Oops! In last week’s Nexus we said the Sustainable Transport Challenge is to be sponsored by Environment Waikato. Unfortunately Environment Waikato is unable to provide direct support on this day because it’s already committed to Balloons Over Waikato and

Earth Hour; however, the organisation is keen to support a transport challenge in the future so look out for more information later in the year. Email Sam at sjl36@students. waikato.ac.nz for more information. OPEN: 8.30am-4.30pm PHONE: 07 856 9139 WEB: www.wsu.org.nz 15

YOUR: WSU

Michael Hall Halls of Residence

Hi Everyone. My name’s Michael Hall, and I am the WSU Halls of Residence Officer for 2010. This means that my key role on the WSU Board is to represent students who live in the Halls of Residence. First though, a bit about me. I was born and raised in Hastings. After high school I took a gap year and tiky-toured around Europe. However, even from the other side of the world the bright lights of Hamilton called to me, so I came back to study a Bachelor of Management Studies. I’m now in my third year here and love living in the Waikato, and making the most of campus life.

I am excited to have Halls as my portfolio. I was in the Halls myself in 1st year and had a lot of fun. If any Halls’ students have issues, then I can be your mother this year: with the loving care of the WSU, you’ll definitely make it through your time at Waikato. As the Halls’ Representative on the WSU, I plan to engage regularly with students from each Hall and also to organise events for you to enjoy. I have an exciting event in the pipeline for all the residents this semester, but it’s a bit of a surprise so you’ll have to wait and see what it is. Study hard, have fun, and make the most of your time at Waikato. Please do feel free to email me at mh166@waikato.ac.nz if you have any questions.

Sam Lake Director Blurb

Hey team. My name is Sam Lake and I hold both the Environmental and Associate Sports portfolios for the WSU this year. I am a 3rd year BMS student, and currently live on a friend’s couch. Everybody should try it sometime. This year the WSU and I are going to organise some wicked events for all you guys and gals to make the most of the Waikato experience. Coming up on the 27th March we have the sustainable transport challenge (check out the ads in Nexus!). This is something which has not been done before, and so will be new and un-tried, however we all love a good bus ride, so come and get amongst it!

Date: March 31st Time: 12:30-2pm

I am also looking at increasing the size of roadside recycling bins (those of you in flats will know exactly what I mean), and have a couple of other ideas which will make B semester just a little bit too much fun. Remember that the WSU is there for the students, and we will be working hard all year to make sure you get the most of your time here at Waikato. If you have any ideas, want to get involved, or maybe just want to hang out with YOUR Student Union, get in touch by emailing me at sjl36@ students.waikato.ac.nz.

YOUR: WSU

Board Talk: What have the WSU Board been doing for you?

Event Watch Wed 31 March WSU Backyard Cricket Final on the Village Green Wed 31 March Submissions on the VSM Bill close Today! Wed 31 March Hākinakina

Things have been pushing on for the WSU Board as we move into the last week before the recess. Kate has been particularly busy organising the Vagina Monologues: it looks like it is going to be an awesome event! Charlie and Luke have both been working with Waikato International Centre to organise Noho Marae (a trip to a local Marae which organised by the WSU for International Students): email Charlie on international@wsu.org.nz if you are keen to volunteer or be involved in some way. Sam is sorting out the details on the Sustainable Transport event, which looks like it will now happen in B Semester.

The backyard cricket tournament will also be running down on the Village Green in Cultural Hour (Wednesdays from 1-2pm) for the next two weeks so come on down and enjoy a free sausage. The next Māori event is Hākinakina Inter-school Māori Sports Competition: this will be held in the first week back from midsemester break on Wednesday 31st March 2010, 12pm-3pm on the Uni Fields & Courts (outside the Don Llewellyn’s). Email Luke at vpMāori@wsu.org.nz for more information. The WSU is also still looking for someone to appoint as an independent director on the Nexus Board. See the advertisement below if you are keen, or email Kirsty at wsu@wsu.org.nz for more information.

Mon 26 April Vagina Monologues in Tauranga Wed 28 April Culture Day on the Village Green Wed 28 – Fri 30 April Vagina Monologues in Hamilton

Nexus Wants You: Director on the Nexus Board Nexus is still on the lookout for a Director! Thank you to those of you who have applied: we will be in touch with you shortly. For those who are still keen to contribute to Nexus from a governance standpoint, the deadline is now March 31. So, if you’re keen to put some ideas forward for where you want Nexus to go; you’re able to come along to four one-hour meetings per year; and are able to act with reasonable care and good faith to ensure that good governance is exercised over the organisation ... APPLY

NOW. Email your CV and cover letter to Kirsty Blackwell at wsu@wsu.org.nz

OPEN: 8.30am-4.30pm PHONE: 07 856 9139 WEB: www.wsu.org.nz 17 17

Lettuce This week’s letter of the week is awarded to no one! We’re sick about religious debates! And we’re imposing a word limit.250 words! Or I’ll take your mother out for dinner and then skip on the bill!

Write to Win! SEND LETTERS TO: Send your letters to editor@ nexusmag.co.nz

WEEKLY PRIZE: The letter which we choose to be the best each week wins a $20 Bennett’s voucher!

FORUM LETTERS: Letters may also be sent via the letters thread at forums. nexusmag.co.nz. We always have space for more letters, whether it’s a complaint or a high ﬁve or

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be). Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

Dear Nexus readers I’m sick of all this religion crap, as well as all of the atheism crap. Stop writing about it. You’re not going to win letter of the week by being boring and repetitive, nor will you win for being really, really sexy. Write something not about religion and don’t be sexy and you may win a $20 book voucher for Bennetts! Love The 2010 Nexus Team

I Blame Samael For All My Woes Dear Samael Your recent letter (Nexus 18th March: “Chocolate Fish Suck”) makes you sound like a very angry guy. Maybe you have been approached in an offensive, insensitive manner by christians on campus and, if that’s the case, no doubt you’re due an apology. However it sounds as if you’d rather they did not have the right to share a point of view you don’t agree with, or better still, that they didn’t exist at all. That, my friend, is fascism, a greater evil than christians on campus. Anyway, your point is that you disagree with what christians believe. Absolutely ﬁne, however you have to show the weakness of the real thing not your caricature of it. You claim “... evidence suggests there is no god and even if there is, you’ll never know, and in a universe this big, he probably doesn’t give a shit about you anyway…” On the contrary, evidence is accumulating that is making intelligent people think again. Anthony Flew, perhaps the best known atheist of the 20th century recently published his latest position entitled “There is a God: How the World’s most Notorious Atheist changed his Mind.” He bases the change on evidence from philosophy, cosmology, biology

and psychology. And what makes you so sure we can never know? Any sensible definition makes it entirely reasonable that he would communicate - precisely as christian claim. Regarding the size of the universe, what size would make it more likely? Smaller? How small? Small enough for us to understand it? That might be quite small. So from a proven certainly we now have “evidence suggests” and “he probably doesn’t…” Not quite so open and shut now maybe. Secondly (and more importantly) I wonder what makes you so mad about the whole thing? I’m sure you can’t be as utterly self-centred as you claim and must have people around whom you love and who love you. Wouldn’t you be glad for one of them to find something that gives their life a new meaning and hope, even if you disagree with its validity? And wouldn’t you want to investigate it with a slightly more open mind? The key thing christians claim is that relationship with God brings peace of mind and a bit more human compassion. Your letter sound like you could benefit from both. Happy to hear your reactions at lesgodtalk@ gmail.com Les

YOUR: LETTUCE

I Made This Guy Trim It Heaps Dear Kimbo M, the amount of fallacious material inside your rebuttal of Samael’s lettuce is astonishing, especially for a student who claims to have at least a working knowledge of philosophy and critical reasoning. As an anthropology major, then you should be aware of the controllative effect that religion has upon society and the individual. For instance, look at Ireland’s controversially re-instated blasphemy law, which says that it is illegal for “[the] publication or utterance of blasphemous matter.”, which is a direct attack upon freedom of speech and religion, and completely motivated by a government that is under religious (catholic) control. Folklore, you say? Jesus of Nazareth preached the existence of Yahweh (the God of all Abrahamic religions i.e. Judaism, Islam and Christianity.) around the time of his death. His exploits were deified by multiple authors, and judging by the evidence of earliest preserved fragments of the gospels, written between approximately CE 125 and CE 500. This, by definition, is folklore, because there is no specific evidence to say that Jesus of Nazareth ever actually existed except by what is found inside the New Testament. Now, ad-hominem attacks! You speculate upon why Samael is “Anti-God/Christian.”. I protest this in two ways. Firstly, slighting someone by saying that he/she was molested or their father did not love them does not disprove what they are saying. This is the academic equivalent of a “your mum” joke. Secondly, misnaming dismissal of attempted proselytism as antichristian is academically without merit. I am sure that you would not appreciate me trying to proselytize you to Pastafarianism.

You then attempt to shift the onus of proof on to those who do not believe, by attempting to make Samael prove a negative, which is impossible. By doing this, you project yourself as ignorant and intellectually lazy. You also parade this as a submission on your part, which is just snide and weak minded. You then demoralize the entire student body by calling them “kiddies”, and move on to say that religion deserves a higher degree of protection than that of any other subject. Doing so is the complete opposite of the concept of freedom of speech that modern academia is built upon. Finally, you issue one more ad-hominem attack. Oh wait! There’s more! The teleological argument goes thus: Teleological Arguer: “Think, for me, of the thing that is the most perfect object in this world.” Non-Teleological Arguer: “Chocolate pudding.” T.A: “If Chocolate pudding is perfect, then you must be more perfect for creating it.” N.T.A: “Wait... isn’t that a bit loose on the definition of perfection...” T.A: “Now, because the world we live in is perfect, the creator of this world must be more so, and the only thing more perfect than this world is God.” I’ll leave the fine minds of Waikato University to figure out why this argument is fallacious. To sum, Kimbo M, you have said nearly nothing of academic merit in your entire letter. If anyone should be learning what they are talking about, it is you. I sincerely hope that you learn the value of free speech in society while you attempt your anthropology degree and I wish you well, but I hope you learn that free speech cannot be suppressed in any forum, especially in an environment such as a university. Sincerely, Sam Prescott.

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

PH 07 856 6813

FAX 07 856 2255

ADDRESS Gate 5 Hillcrest Road

Txts to the Editor! Nexus now has a non-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Busted-type situations to 021 235 8436.

Links Don’t Work On Paper Dear Kimbo M/ Psychopath God isn’t real, the bible is just a blatant rip-off of the Egyptian God Horus(3000BC). Christianity and the ﬁctional story of Jesus Christ was made up to help manipulate society, the fact that people still believe it is truly disturbing. Anyone who doubts this look up Zeitgeist [Religion] The Greatest Story Ever Sold - http://www.youtube. com/watch?v=BNf-P_5u_Hw (watch all 3 parts) There WILL be a time where people look down and laugh on the Christian God much like we do to the ancient Greek gods, unfortunately I will not be around in this time. Yours TRUTHFULLY Robert

WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP

EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz 19

YOUR: LETTUCE

Short and Not As Boring This letter is for all those first years who are single minded, Stephen Hawking worshiping and think they know everything from that one philosophy class they are taking. I just do not understand how so many people can write to Nexus complaining about religion. I mean sure, your Dad is most likely an alcoholic who still kicks your ass on a daily bases but this is no reason to take your anger out on religious folk. If they annoy you by talking to you, please don’t cry to your computer and pour your little heart out to Nexus behind that safe computer screen where nobody can see your face, there are far more things to be worrying about. Its always the same: Religion annoys me, go atheists, I wish I could marry stephen hawking. Speaking of Stephen Hawking... as much as he loves it, you DON’T have to think exactly like him. Try thinking up your own ideas and maybe even critiquing your atheist god (see what I did there?). For example, how he is so annoyed NZ bus isn’t advertising for atheism. One could argue that if this started happening everywhere atheists too could be shoving their ideas down our throats. For a man who believes religion is being bashed into us this seems extremely hypocritical, and for a very logical man this also seems very illogical. Back to the Christians... Why not use that half a semester of philosophy 101 and talk back to them? Try having a mature conversation and maybe you’ll leave with something to think about, if you don’t then who cares. Just accept that everywhere you go people will have different ideas. Try to grow through discussion not complaining, after all, according to census, there are more religious people in the world than not. Signed IWillProbablyNeverWriteAgain

Long and Boring At the risk of sounding slightly in love with myself, I do hope this is the last letter nexus runs regarding the religious/non-religious debate. The majority of people I talk to are well and truly ready to read about something else. However, I did feel I should at least attempt to encourage some thought surrounding the matter. To Kimbo, well done on comparing belief in God to the taste of salt, as sarcastic as I might sound, your question is actually a good one. I could list the biological reasons why we taste

to stand on. Your entire letter just seemed to me like it was more an attempt to lynch Samael rather than provide any form of rebuttal. The (only) other point you made was ‘prove that god doesn’t exist’. A good point as I think you would struggle to find anyone who can ‘prove’ God doesn’t exist. A very wise man did have this to say once though “I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.” – Steven Roberts. Take a

salt and the historical reasons for it being given the name salt but that would take up too much paper and you can look that up for yourself. As a generalisation we know salt tastes salty because in the environment we grow up in, that is what we are told. The same can be said about ‘knowing’ God is real. But what would happen if a child was to grow up in an environment where they were neither introduced to God/religion or salt? Give that child some salt’n’vinegar chips for the first time and they’ll taste the salt straight away, give them a bible and I’ll be very interested to see if they will be ‘feeling’ God right of the bat. Being the anthropology major that you are, you must have some historical knowledge surrounding the conception of the New Testament. In which case you would know that it is believed by many scholars that the catholic version of this was commissioned to be put together by the Roman Emperor Constantine the Great around 330 and any scripture that was seen to potentially diminish his political power was omitted from this? Personally I think it’s a shame that children are introduced to this and told they should live their life by it 1680 years later. Many people won’t agree with me, but that is the nature of opinions. I’m not having a go at you Kimbo, rather just suggesting you look for a stronger argument

minute and consider that statement and then think about your ‘prove that God doesn’t exist’ statement. Try to include religion as a product of environment in there too. If you still don’t have a grasp on my argument then I offer you this. I may not be able to prove to you that God does not exist but I can offer you an alternative. It’s called evolution via natural selection and it provides a big chunk of evidence for where we might have come from. At the end of the day people will always have conflicting opinions. You and I Kimbo clearly have a different take on things and that’s cool, I respect your views. Imagine if everyone thought the same. The world would be a pretty boring place. To the people reading this letter, if you choose to believe in God and you’re a better person for it, then go for it. If you don’t want to believe in Jesus then go for that too. Just except that not all people think like you. I’d like to offer you all a challenge. Take an objective approach to everything this week. That may include having a read of the bible if you’re not a Christian or something as trivial as trying that beetroot chutney you flatmate always eats (even though you don’t like beetroot). I guarantee you’ll learn some shit and probably even stumble across something you never thought you’d like. Lord knows we need a little more open mindedness on this planet. Josh

RANDOM:REPORT

East Hamilton Police Burglary 1st February - 28th February 2010.

Welcome to the Police / University Crime report, that is published every fortnight in the NEXUS magazine and on the University Campus Police Webpage. The report will inform students of the burglaries that have occurred in the Hamilton East and adjoining rural areas.

Last month there were 79 breakins that occurred daily during the week, but peeking over the weekend period

Last month there were 79 break-ins that occurred daily during the week, but peeking over the weekend period. Most of the offenders have used force to either jemmy open the window / door or instead smashed the glass to gain entry. The offender(s) are aware that students go out on Friday / Saturday nights into Hamilton City. This makes your flats an easy target for items, such as laptop computers, digital cameras and cash. Home security advice is available from the East Hamilton Community Policing Centre on Clyde St. As a minimum precaution Police recommend recording the serial numbers of valuable

appliances and storing that data somewhere safe- other than on your laptop. This enables Police to identify recovered goods and return them to their rightful owners, recently several items have been found by Police when executing search warrants but officers have no way of tracking owners.

Question from the Police:

How often do you leave your flat unlocked or windows and door open? If you go out at night, do you ask your fellow neighbours / students to keep an eye on your flat. In future please call the Police, so we can investigate and help stop burglaries from occurring. If you have any information that might help Police resolve offences burglaries please call the University Constable, Nick Sickelmore on 8582792 or e-mail Nicholas.Sickelmore@ police.govt.nz

FEATURE: FOOD

By Debrin Foxcroft

Look in your fridge. Go on, take a look. Is everything neatly organized into food groups? Is there a variety of color in the food that graces your fair shelves (and not just in the packaging)? Can you spot an actual vegetable amongst the ruins of previous meals? Or, when you take a peek behind the white sealed door, is it a mix of pizza leftovers, bread, cheese and the occasional hunk of meat? Go on, be honest. Student eating habits are infamous. The combination of new experiences, less time and having to actually prepare their own meals means students often embrace a single food group: takeaways. But in doing so, their bodies suffer. Local nutritionist and personal trainer Stacey Hancock says New Zealand eating habits are not great overall. “They are largely dictated by marketing – T.V and magazines,” she says. “Or inﬂuenced by peer pressure from other people. We have been brought up, for example, on having 22

dessert every night. We are taught treats are something to have all the time.” Hancock says New Zealand eating habits are bad, in part, because of the information we are being given. “When they say 99 per cent fat free, they are not saying how much sugar or salt is in the food.” This is important information to understand before we put the food in our mouths. Hancock says that when it comes to food New Zealanders are going wrong in a number of ways. “We are deﬁnitely eating the wrong things. We are also eating bigger portions then we need and we are missing out the fruit and vegetables. Students are likely to eat toast and honey for dinner rather than preparing a full meal.” Eating crap can have a severe impact on how a person’s body functions, says Hancock.

“Bad eating habits can cause low energy, obesity, illness. It can trigger a basic all over imbalance.” But all is not lost. There are ways to improve the situation. Hancock recommends embracing the five plus a day: at least three servings of vegetables and two servings of fruit. To balance everything out, we should also be eating whole grains, lean proteins, essential fatty acids and drink lots of water. The key factor is also to moderate the portion size of each meal. “The portion sizes should be the size of your fist for carbohydrates and the size of the palm of your hand for meat,” she says. “My advice is to learn how to cook – just easy things like spaghetti bolognese and stir-fry and control your portion size. Frozen veggies are gold as are in-season fruit. Use basic flavoring such as tomato paste, herbs and salt – not the creamy expensive sauces.“ Hancock says one of the best things students can do is inform themselves over what’s in their food. “We just don’t seem to know.”

FEATURE: FOOD

1. The food pyramid says you should eat what the most?: A) Protein B) Dairy C) Cream Donuts D) Vegetables/Fruits 2. A healthy portion of rice is: A) Half your plate B) What ever you can ﬁt in the takeaway container C) Your ﬁst D) Double the size of your topping 3. How many glasses of water should you drink? A) Six – Eight B) As much as will allow you to win a Wii C) Water….why not beer? D) The contents a single sipper bottle 4. What is a lean protein? A) Nuts B) Meat with the fat trimmed C) Eggs D) All of the above 5. What has the highest number of calories from McDonalds? A) Big Mac burger B) McChicken burger C) Quarter Pounder D) Grand Angus

6. What is the name of grain protein that causes the “celiac disease” (chronic intestinal disease)? A) Propen B) Gluten C) Equol D) Daidzein 7. How much dietary fiber is in 100g of wheat? A) Approximately 4 grams B) Approximately 6 grams C) Approximately 7 grams D) Approximately 12 grams 8. What is a super food? A) Burger King Whopper B) Carrot C) Parsley D) Beer

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe said knowing is not enough; we must apply. But we say you have to start with knowing so here are a few questions to test your knowledge on all things food related.

9. How many calories should the average man consume? A) 2,600 B) 4,000 C) 1,600 D) 120 10. Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable? A) A fruit B) I don’t care C) Another name for a ginga? D) A vegetable

QUIZ ANSWERS: 1) D, 2) C, 3) A, 4) D, 5) D, 6) B, 7) D, 8) C, 9) A, 10) up to you

FEATURE: FOOD

In a quest to find out more about how people are eating we interviewed four people from across the campus and food-eating spectrum.

How to spot a meat lover in their natural habitat: The incisors are sharpened as they rip through the plastic of yet another pie packet. When Bambi’s mother died, this person was reaching for their steak knives.

Art “there be no veggies here” Robinson Arthur Robinson, editor of nexus and occasional drag queen, will argue there is only one food group: meat. “I eat a lot of meat, processed cheap meats. And, salty meat. That’s what I love. Even if my wife salts the food while she is cooking I will add salt to it. I want to see the crystals.” He does add some fruit to the mix - a banana here and there. But for Robinson it is all about the ﬂesh of animals. “I eat capsicum because it’s on the pizza. The only veggies I eat are what traditionally go with pizza and pasta.” Robinson says he’s not ashamed of the way he eats, in fact there seems to be a little pride in his ability to eat three pies in one sitting.

Whats on the Menu Breakfast: Bacon, and eggs – to start the day right Lunch: three mince and cheese pies – got to get that all important diary in. Dinner: Pizza – with capsicum to ensure it is balanced. Chased down by a dollop of chocolate pudding (because they look like they also came from animals).

“I like my food dead – it used to be alive, someone killed it for me so I could eat it. None of this plucking things out of the ground stuff.” His argument for his diet is evolutionary. “I understand the food pyramid is there – it was a guideline we were given as kids. But caveman weren’t going around growing shit. They were hunting things. Cavemen are our ancestors and they ate meat. They survived. When shitty times come I’ll survive because I won’t have to try and ﬁnd vegetables. I’ll just eat the mutated beasts running around.” This unashamed carnivore says he spends most of his day in front of the computer, letting the calories sit. “I work in front of a computer and when I go home I play a lot of video games or watch T.V,” he says. “It’s a sedentary life.” He does walk to and from his house, sometimes. It’s a 5km round trip. He shrugs his shoulders, because that’s about as healthy as he gets. (Kiss my ass Foxcroft! Ed.)

FEATURE: FOOD

Whats on the Menu Breakfast: marmite on toast with a side of yoghurt. Low fat mind you, don’t want to add any extra calories. Lunch: Thai chicken curry, with vegetables all washed down with a bottle of ‘chi’. Dinner: A pasta dish, loaded with greens. Tells the partner they are going out for a run and get a serving of hot chips along the way.

How to spot a balanced eater in their natural habitat: He or she’s the one actually looking closely at the food in the glass cabinet before they order. They’re not whipping out any scales – yet – but you can see their minds doing the mental calculations. On the tip of their lips is the question: how much is this really going to cost me?

Francisco “the balancing act” Yanez With a bit of a laugh, Chilean born Francisco Yanez admits he eats healthy because his partner is a food technician. “My partner does have a lot to do with it,” he says. “I eat very healthy, I eat a lot of veggies, and when I make a meal, there’s a lot of variety. It’s a conscious choice.” Admittedly, he says, it’s a choice that’s ‘encouraged’ at home. For Yanez, an engineering student embarking on his second degree, its all about pasta, curry and bolegnese – but always with vegetables and a bit of meat.

“I always feel satisﬁed but never full. Even with dessert – its cans of fruit or just a little bit of ice cream.” Sounds a little too saintly? In our conversation on food it takes a while to get there but Yanez eventually reveals his guilty pleasure – deep fried hot chips. And takeaways. And his mama’s cooking. Its at this stage that the halo slipped off. After a recent three-week trip home to Chile, he gained ﬁve kilograms. “It’s nice to eat traditional food – manjar (caramel spread) and empanadas – all high in fat and deep fried,” he says. “You can just go to the corner store and get them. While I was there I did gain a lot of weight – you just can’t help it.” Back on Kiwi soil, the weight is dropping off thanks to his healthy diet and running around a soccer pitch. As he gets ready to amble off to class he brings his food regime down to one point. “I do a lot of exercise so I need the right food,” he says. And the food technician partner helps.

FEATURE: FOOD

Whats on the Menu Breakfast: muesli, yoghurt, and the occasional piece of multigrain toast. Lunch: Carrot sticks, pasta and tofu dogs (because fake meat is soooo good). Dinner: stir-fry, beans, baked beans on toast.

How to spot the vegetarian in their natural habitat: One word - salad. Lots and lots of salad. There are a subset of the vegetarian species who only eat potatoes, but you can spot these by their iron-deﬁcient pasty complexions. Some vegetarians, or reformed meat eaters, are easy to spot by disapproving looks thrown at meat eaters. Nothing worse than someone who has been reformed.

Hilary “yay for veggies” Max About eight years ago a young Hilary Max decided to turn her back on meat. Just 12 years old, she became the black sheep in a family that embraced the traditional meat and three veggies. “I just didn’t really like the taste of meat,” she says. “And combined with the fact that I was young and idealist, well, I just stopped eating meat.” In her youth, this law and psychology students friends would wave steak in front of her face, trying to tempt her back to the dark side. The smell, the sight, the dripping juices, But she resisted. Nowadays, most of her friends look at what’s on Max’s plate with envy. 26

“Most of my friends eat vegetarian during the week, so they look at what I’m eating and cook the same the next day.” Max admits a few cravings and her ultimate weakness: a Burger King whopper. “That’s the only thing I get a craving for – it’s so good.” But being vegetarian is not all skipping in the meadows and hugging trees. There are difficulties, such as getting enough iron and protein - to minerals that come directly from the bloodied piece of flesh that Max refuses. “Being vegetarian means you actually have to plan your meals. You have to think about it,” she says. “There was time when my iron was so low that I went back to eating meat. But after two days of trying to force it down, I realized I couldn’t. I just felt so sick, I just didn’t like it.” Max admits sorting out her food each week is easier because she flats with another vegetarian. They plan their meals and cook together. Would she recommend being a vegetarian to others? “Sure, but don’t do it if you really miss meat. Why torture yourself?,” she says.

FEATURE: FOOD

Whats on the Menu Breakfast: nuts, seeds…um… cardboard? Lunch: Anything from Gaura’s – why think about it when someone has done it for you? Dinner: if you made it this far, well done. How about treating yourself with some lentils? Or legumes? Or…cardboard?

How to spot a Vegan in their natural habitat: Well, the socks and naturally woven sandals might be just a little bit of a hint that you are dealing with a different beast here. A vegan in the wild might be hugging a tree, or a lamb. Or hugging in general. You have been warned.

Manu Chari: When Manu Chari decided to become a vegan three years ago, it wasnt such a big step for him. He had already been a vegetarian for eleven years before that. “I became a vegetarian because I’m Hari Krishna,” he says. “But I decided to become a vegan about three years ago because a lot of people that we were dealing with, those involved in animal rights and the sort, are vegans themselves. They would tell us that the cows that produce the milk are, more often than not the same ones that end up in the slaughter house.” So Chari thought about it, and decided it needed to be all or nothing. “We decided to be vegan until we have our own farm,” he says. That hasn’t happened yet – so, no milk it is.

Chari describes vegans as vegetarians who have no animal products what so ever. “Sure, there are arguments about honey – some people say that’s an animal product as well, but the main point is that we don’t have dairy.” Chari says the decision wasn’t difficult but it involved a lot of changed for him and his partner. “The Hari Krishna diet involves a lot of dairy so we had to make changes. But because we had a reason for doing it – it was easy to stick with it.” Chari says vegan food leaves you feeling satisfied but it’s not heavy. “A lot of people come here who aren’t vegetarian – they come here for a healthy option,” he says. “For us commercially made food equals unhealthy food. It will always have something added or removed. So you have to focus not just on the no animal products, but also on being healthy.” And no, he doesn’t miss the meat or the milk. “I don’t miss it, because I know why I stopped,” he says. “I’m not going to change the meat industry but I’ve taken a stand.”

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COLUMNS:OTHER

Please send me your creation evolution queries. My gmail is empty :(. Any questions you want covered? crevocafe@ gmail.com

TIPS101

Crevo Café

Lecture 4:

Mutations can’t add new information? Right?

By Hollie Jackson

with Crevo

Low budget fun in Hamilton. Anyone who has ever lived, visited, or driven through Hamilton know that there really isn’t anything to do here. Hence why many only come here for the University or boyfriend/girlfriend/family then fuck off again. Over the 20-odd years of living here, I have discovered that this theory is true; there really is bugger all to do in Hamilton. However, the three main – only – things you can do for fun with no money are as follows: The river: That big, long, green stretch of fatal water that runs through the middle of Hamilton, dividing the dodgier side with the less dodgy side of the city. Down by the river, there are some pretty, scenic walks going along it. Just don’t go walking down there at night, by yourself, or with anything that the local taniwha may nick as payment. Not for swimming in! Said taniwha will eat you. The lake: Yes, we have a lake. It’s that big puddle by the hospital. Up Lake Road, on Lake Domain Drive, and around Lake Cresent. It’s not hard to miss with the very original names of streets. The lake is a great place to go and smoke... cigarettes. Also, if you have some stale bread lying around your flat, feeding the ducks after smoking some... cigarettes is quite fun. Also not recommended for swimming in as the stagnant, bacteria infested water will surely kill you. The gardens: Off Cobham Drive, the Hamilton Gardens has heaps of colourful flowers, some internationally themed gardens to make you feel like you’re in a different country, and is also an awesome place to get lost. You can pay something like $2 for a map, though, if you’re that pussy. It’s also within walking distance from Hillcrest! (Not to be confused with the nice old lady’s garden across the street). Or, you could always go to the Outback on a Thursday night and pick up some sweet sweet loving.

In evolution, changes occur in the genetic code. DNA is made up of four nucleobases: Thymine, Adenine, Guanine, and Cytosine. T, A, G and C. The chemistry behind these components is too complicated to go into here. Suffice to say, strings of these four letters, very, very long strings, make life what it is. When duplicating into reproductive cells, DNA splits, then (in sexual reproduction) on conception reforms into a new being. However these splits aren’t always perfect. There are mutations, which lead to differences in offspring. As stated in my first column, most mutations are harmless and neutral, every human having between 50-100. Creationist arguments state that these mutations can only ever take away information, not add it. Even if this were true (it isn’t) it wouldn’t necessarily negate evolution. Let’s use an example in the word STOP. On splitting something goes wrong. The S gets lost. STOP becomes TOP. Now which word has the most information? TOP has less letters but it’s a whole new word. Does that mean it has new information? Likewise GATC turning into ATC is a whole different code. Even in this case (called a deletion) a code can change into something new with a small alteration. But there are others types of mutation. Again, on splitting STOP goes wrong. It’s the O this time. Instead of creating one copy of itself, it becomes two. STOP becomes STOOP. Which word has more information? Or does that question seem near impossible to define? STOOP has more letters. It’s a different word. Either way, it’s new information. This form of mutation is called duplication. Finally in example three, STOP copies fine but reverses itself. STOP becomes POTS. Same letter, different shape and hence a different code. Different information. Can mutations create new information? You bet they can.

COLUMNS:OTHER

Blair is Ace

With Blair “Touch Me Please” Monrovia I am never drinking again. Yes, I am all too aware of how redundant this statement may seem, given the overwhelming evidence regarding youth drinking culture supplied to you in the most recent Nexus. Ed may be pleased to know that I’m actually making an effort to be topical this year, and to that end, I’m even trying to refer back to the one “publication” that has yet to cast me out in the cold.

Loud American’s Mackenzie McCarty Savage Rock Cafe 2 Whatawhata Rd. Dinsdale A large, gray-haired man sits in front of his towering plate of Eggs Benedict with a look of gleeful determination on his face. We have just walked in the door of Savage Rock Café, and this seems like a good sign.

Oh wait. Drinking, like most things that these young folk seem to enjoy, is bad for you. Well, there are degrees of bad-ness, anyway. Alcohol is a toxin that just happens to taste almost good enough to imbibe. Importantly, it is still a toxin. I don’t know precisely how the Nexus readership (or even the overall student body) breaks itself down into the various academic disciplines, so for all the BA students out there, toxins are bad little gremlins that sneak into your body and stab your internal organs with little pocket-knives. Or something like that. The pen may very well be mightier than the sword, but it can’t hold a fucking candle to vodka. I think the reason I’m making this promise to never drink again (ignoring the seven times I’ve uttered those words before), however, has less to do with vodka, and more to do with a little drop called whisky. Over the weekend passed, I was thrust briefly into the world of Scottish Drinking. I have never had so much fun upright in my life, and considering that I did not remain upright for long, that is certainly saying something. I made money, drank an exorbitant amount of good alcohol, talked shit, and laughed my ass off when a drunken uncle fucked up the telling of a limerick. Yes, a limerick. That is how drunk we were, for a bunch of Scots to be telling nonsense poems named after a county in Ireland. Ireland, I tell you! I am never drinking again (for a given value of never, or course).

Situated at a busy Dinsdale roundabout, this place has a down-home, comfortable feel to it. It’s like an old-fashioned American diner went on holiday in New Zealand, met a local café, and together they had a child named Savage Rock. Good, simple food- and cheap. My boyfriend gets the Savage Breakfast: Bacon, eggs, kransky sausage, mushrooms, tomato, baby potatoes, toast, and sauce ($14). They forget to ask him how he wants his eggs cooked, but the plate is full of food and well worth the money nevertheless. I make the unfortunate decision of ordering a savory muffin ($3.5)- unfortunate not because there’s anything wrong with the muffin (it’s actually very nice), but because the lady next to us has ordered the French toast and it looks so good, I feel like begging her for a bite. My coffee is deliciousfull of body and so strong I wonder whether it really needs the mug to hold it together. The food isn’t overly exciting, but it’s good and it fills your belly. The staff are friendly, and the fact that the place is buzzing with families, old ladies, builders on their lunch break, and housewives meeting up for coffee and the goss makes you feel like you’ve entered something special- cozy without being dumpy; classy without being pretentious. This isn’t the kind of place to bring your next hot date if you’re trying to impress her/him with haut cuisine and a flash price tag, but it is definitely worth a stop-in for Sunday brunch with Mom, or just somewhere that’s out of the usual Hamilton East/Hillcrest/City Center circuit. Well recommended.

COLUMNS:OTHER

Fishy Smell of War Fashion Police With Cosmonaut Comrade K-Fry

With the Kartal Cartel

Uni is well underway, as are most of your newfound sex lives, so let me once again answer your questions through the hidden secrets of the Art of War. I didn’t manage to snag a man at the Toga Party or any other O-week party. I am now considering buying an “alternative supplement” to spice up bed time. Any advice? from BomBom the Flamingo. Easy. As easy as you wish your sex life was. But easier, more complacent and cleaner than a toga man. To answer this I took my copy of Art of War to Strictly Adult on Victoria Street and we found your answer. Let your rapidity be that of the wind, your compactness that of the forest. Sun-Tsu meant that small compact straight forward vibrators are probably good idea for you. Starting from thirty dollars, Strictly Adult has range of “winds” that can shake the base foundations of your forest. I recommend you look for something quiet… no one wants to hear the nightly gales of their lonely flatmates. Whether to concentrate or divide your troops, must be decided by circumstance. Sun-Tsu also understood that the above might not suffice, and you need more… something more… encompassing. Good thing the rival Japanese thought of the solution in their Hentai-breaks. The modern “rabbit” will be your other favorite, when decided by circumstance. These are more expensive but well worth the money on the money you save by never perusing guys again. If rabbits are not your thing, you can find a virtual petting zoo of vibrating clit-hugging animals at Strictly Adult… or course they are mounted upon penises…plastic ones. Ponder and deliberate before you make your move. A lonely girl on a budget doesn’t have many options. So make a wise choice, ask the people at Strictly Adult…they have seen stranger stuff then a uni-girl wanting an “alternative supplement”. Hell, either that or get drunk and hit on sex-starved dad’s at the Balloon Festival.

Crusty punks, you may think they are worthless pieces of shit, or think their Fucken awesome and want to be them, the day you don’t give a shit about anything! You have crusty friends or crusty inclinations and we like a lot of crusty music. But those are the exceptions. Whatever your views are on the Crusty punks we sure do love what they wear! And that leads us to an idea for a potential purpose for crusties. What if we could hunt them and skin them like exotic fur-bearing mammals? What if that were legal? Let’s barricade a few blocks of blighted urban landscape in a forgotten Rust Belt city, release a bunch of illiterate 17year-old runaways in Discharge shirts and 38-year-old homeless “street sage” types covered in Nuclear Assault logos, give them a fair head start, and then come after them on our horses with big loud guns. Doesn’t that sound like fun? Then we could sit in our oak-paneled study with the husks of crusties mounted on the wall next to buck heads and a brimful bear. What’s that you say? It’s illegal to kill humans? Even crusties? Shit….. OK, then, maybe this is the closest we’ll get for now. There’s this store on K Road that has accumulated quite the collection of punk jackets, so let’s photograph them and get our crusty friend Adrian (we’ll let him live since he’s serving a purpose) evaluate each piece. Adrian’s been in the scene forever, and he’s just one of those guys you. Then we can look like them from the daft spikes on the top, to the steel caps. What else… Oh yeah, the Auckland police once took him into an alley and whipped him with his own jacket because they wanted to prove that the studs made it a “dangerous weapon.” How awesome is that?

COLUMNS:OTHER

Tales from Tinseltown With Emma Edwards

This marital collapse is the most recent in a string of Oscarsuccess-and-later-divorce stories The Academy Award curse has struck again. A mere two weeks since The Academy Awards, Sandra Bullock has been hit with rumours of her husband, Jesse James’ infidelity. Whilst Bullock was filming her Academy Award winning film, The Blind Side, James was allegedly having weekly liaisons with Michelle McGee, and ending the affair just before the Academy Awards. Following the discovery of James’ infidelity, Bullock moved out of their family home California, and cancelled her appearance at the UK premiere of The Blind Side. This marital collapse is the most recent in a string of Oscar-success-and-later-divorce stories. Famous examples include Kate Winslet, Reese Witherspoon, Hilary Swank and Halle Berry.

Kate Winslet won the Oscar for Best Actress in 2009, and a year later, has ended her marriage to Sam Mendes; they announced their separation last week. In 2006, Reese Witherspoon won her Oscar for her performance as June Carter in Walk the Line, however, her marriage to Ryan Phillippe ended less than a year later, with the pair separating in late 2006 and divorcing in 2007. Hilary Swank won in 2005 for Million Dollar Baby yet she too was divorced from her husband Chad Lowe a year later. Finally, Halle Berry won her Oscar for Monster’s Ball in 2002, and was divorced from her husband a year later. Whilst numerous gossipmongers would be eager to suspect a curse, a doomed fate for

those who dare to perform on screen, this gossiper believes otherwise. It appears that all of these actors fall into the same pattern. They marry famous men, men who they assume will understand their lifestyle, yet it fails. Perhaps it is the lifestyle of Hollywood, the media, the long months spent on location, or the reversal of lifestyle roles. Perhaps the women appear superior to the men and their careers are moving forward much more than their husbands? We shall never know. Only time will tell if this Hollywood couple will work their differences and succeed or divorce.

Auteur House With Richard Swainson

The ﬁlm career of Frank Sinatra is far more than an addendum to his work as the twentieth century’s greatest popular singer if a little less than it might have been if he wasn’t so busy as a live performer, recording artist and Rat Pack member. Sinatra was an intuitive actor whose natural talent and charisma saw him transcend early musical roles in which his slight frame led to a series of nervous wall ﬂower parts. Nothing could be further from the real life lothario than 32

his character in the classic “On the Town”: a dithering idiot who has to be chased by the woman. “From Here to Eternity” famously restored the lustre to Sinatra’s star. Perfectly cast as the feisty Private Maggio, he got to enact an Oscar winning death scene that doesn’t feature in James Jones’ source novel. It was Jones who also provided arguably Sinatra’s finest leading role, that of the sensitive writer returning to his hometown in Vincente Minnelli’s magnificent melodrama “Some Came Running”. The Rat Pack films were inconsistent and generally nowhere near as funny as they thought they were. Given the amount of singing talent within the group - Sinatra himself, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr., and an ex-officio

member from an earlier generation, Bing Crosby - it is strange that none are true musicals. “Ocean’s 11” is best known but the most satisfying is “Robin and the Seven Hoods” in which Sinatra gets to croon one of his many anthems, “My Kind of Town”. “Pal Joey” is the pick of his later musical roles. Playing a womanising cad comes naturally to Sinatra and a score which includes the classic “The Lady is a Tramp” provides the Chairman of the Board material worthy of interpretation. The clear chemistry with co-star Kim Novak built on that seen in an earlier dramatic tour de force, “The Man With a Golden Arm”, which sees Sinatra as perhaps the screen’s ﬁrst openly acknowledged heroin addict. A scene in which his character goes ‘cold turkey’ rivals anything in “Trainspotting” for emotional intensity.

COLUMNS:FOOD

Student Foods With CC

Mexican seasoning mix Stock up on a few standard herbs and spices to make this seasoning for use in Mexican dishes, bypassing the packet-mix aisle of your supermarket all together.

Mexican tortilla bake With the air turning chill, ovens that have sat dormant all summer are now cranking back into action. Eating this mildly spiced Mexcican tortilla bake will help warm you through on a cold Autumn evening.

1T ground cumin 2t sugar 1t salt 1t oregano 1/2 - 1t chilli powder (to taste) 1T garlic powder

Ingredients 1T cooking oil 1 onion, ﬁnely diced 1 - 1/2T Mexican seasoning mix (see recipe below) 500g beef mince 2T soy sauce 2T fruit chutney or jam 1 400g tin chopped tomatoes 1 red or yellow capsicum, ﬁnely diced 1 420g tin red kidney beans, rinsed and drained 6 tortilla wraps 1/2c grated cheese

Method Preheat oven to 180°C. Heat the oil in a frying pan on a medium high heat. Add the onion and saute until translucent. Stir in the Mexican seasoning mix and cook for 1 minute, before adding the mince and cooking until brown. Stir in the soy sauce, chutney, tomatoes, capsicum and red kidney beans, and simmer on a medium heat for ﬁve minutes. Spoon one sixth of the mixture in a line down the centre of a tortilla. Roll the tortilla to form a tube around the mixture and place it at the end of a rectangular baking dish. Continue ﬁlling, rolling and placing tortillas in the baking dish until all six have been used and the baking dish is full.

Mix ingredients together and use 1-2T as needed in Mexican tortilla bakes, tacos and chilli con carne, or over spicy wedges.

ENTRIES CLOSE 29 APRIL

Indoor

Social Sport enter online or at the rec centre

www.asbsocialsport.co.nz

GET A BUNCH OF YOUR MATES TOGETHER TODAY!

Sprinkle cheese over top and bake in oven for 15 minutes, or until cheese has melted and tortillas are golden brown. Serve with a dollop of guacamole or sour cream on top and a fresh salad on the side.

• • • Be active, be social – games for all abilities Netball • Soccer • Volleyball 33

RANDOM:MAGIC

Magic 8 Ball On television once you see that first case opened, even by accident, say, while switching channels during an ad break, you can’t help but think “well, that was lucky, I wonder what the bank offer will be?

Will the Final episode of ‘Lost’ be worth the hours of confusion we had to sit through to get to it? Yes I have it on good authority that the show will end in more confusion than ever. Seeing as how you like Lost, I’m assuming that you’re one of those guys like confusion. Therefore you’ll be happy with an ending that explains you nothing and leaves you in the lurch, just the way you clearly like it. When it’s over, try watching Millionaire. I bet that’s another show where you’ll be confused the whole time. Has ‘Desperate Housewives’ Jumped the Shark? Most Likely After that slutty one died and Eva Longoria started pumping out children, no one cared anymore. While you’re supposed to kill the slutty blonde first in a horror movie, TV series need to keep them around to keep their audiences watching. If there are no hot people in the show, you’re not going to get the “40-yearold single male” demographic, which is 80% of this show’s takers. The writers realise this, and have stopped trying. Was ‘Deal or No Deal’ spawned by the Devil? Outlook Good It’s a fact that no one actually wants to watch that show. But once you see that first case opened, even by accident, say, while switching channels during an ad break, you can’t help but think “well, that was lucky, I wonder what the bank offer will be? I’ll just wait to see that”. This means that the fiery demons of hell have you in

their grasp and can hold you in that state for all eternity if they wish. It’s the devil’s hypnosis of instant addiction people, that’s the only way that the least intellectually challenging game show idea in history became so popular. The only way to escape the clutches of such insolence is to break all televisions you have contact with, to remove the risk of ever coming across the show again. The power of Christ compels you. Does Mark Sainsbury know how ridiculous his face looks? Outlook Good He knows, and he’s rocking the Walrus look to its full potential. His career has skyrocketed since he claimed the ‘stache, setting him up to step in to the “funny lookin’ guy” 7pm slot on Channel One following the big-glasses, big nose and permed coiffure of legendary Paul Holmes. May the theme live on as inspiration for ambitious weird-featured men everywhere. Will ASB ever give up on the ‘Goldstein’ ads? Reply Hazy, Try Again The marketers are contemplating the franchises’ continuance right now as I predict. While they realise that no one is interested in the exploits of a man who doesn’t seem to understand the most simple of banking practices, the guy who plays Goldstein was in that movie Mickey Blue Eyes, and is the biggest ‘celebrity’ they can get for the lowest television acting fee in New Zealand, and banks know their stuff about money. Plus, they’re intimidated by his American accent, and don’t want to risk getting him angry by ﬁring him. No one want the wrath of Goldstein on their hands.

REVIEW:GAMES

PWN3D Torchlight By Scampy

Torchlight is surprisingly good. You play as an adventurer investigating why the villagers of TL have been going missing, and why the flow of ember (crystals with properties useful for magic) has stopped from the mines below. It’s plain to see the heavy Diablo influence, but RG consists of members from the team that developed the Diablo games for Blizzard. There are three classes: Destroyer (strong melee attacks), Vanquisher (strong ranged attacks and traps) and Alchemist (magic based attacks and the ability to summon creatures to fight for him). There is no character customisation (the Vanquisher is the only female); however, the appearance of your character changes when you change your equipment. You’re accompanied by a pet (either a big cat or a dog, you chose) who fights alongside you and also lugs your accumulated booty to the vendor, and returns with the coin it sold for; more useful than the mutt from Fable 2. The controls are the same as Diablo: CLICK CLICK CLICK. Everything is mouse based with some actions requiring a combination of mouse and keyboard presses. It won’t take long to get the gist of how to play, but with all the clicking you may end up with RSI. While TL doesn’t attempt to introduce originality to the genre, it does deliver everything you would expect and it does it well. A generous range of dungeon levels to explore (with unique looks), a large variety of monsters to slay and plenty of treasure! There is also a nice talent-tree system which you can use to tailor your character’s abilities to your own play style, much like other RPGs. The weapon and spell effects are great, and romping through levels with all the destructive force you can muster is a lot of fun. This game is hard to walk away from; the addictive rating is high. There is many hours worth of playability but TL could have done with a stronger storyline. I’ve progressed quite far and I still don’t know what’s going on. My main motivation for progression is to level up and get more powerful weapons and armour. The graphics are cartoony, but charming and consistent. Multiplayer support would have been awesome but unfortunately RG aren’t developing TL any further than it is; instead they are working on a TL based MMO. At $25 from Steam or the official website, the game is excellent value for money and definitely worth a look if you’re into single player RPGs. My girlfriend loved this game too, in fact her character is much stronger than mine and she finished the game before me; she probably could have written a better review! 35

REVIEW:MOVIE

Village Review With Richard Swainson

Green Zone Directed by Paul Greengrass Any who are old enough to have studied the origins of World War II in what used to be known as ‘5th form’ will be familiar with German myths surrounding the end of the First World War. Hitler and his goons exploited a populist belief that their army was never defeated in the field and that the country lost the ‘war to end all wars’ because politicians stabbed the soldiers in the back at the negotiating table. For all its slickness as a thriller the latest from Bourne collaborators Matt Damon and Paul Greengrass has an ideological agenda not too dissimilar from the old Nazi lies. It seems to be based on the premise that the American military in Iraq was undermined by shifty politicians and unprincipled if pragmatic CIA operatives. Damon plays Roy Miller, an idealistic officer charged with tracking down ‘Weapons of Mass Destruction’, the presence of which

supposedly justified the Bush administration’s invasion of the country. Dismayed that the hunt resembles more one for wild gooses than any actual chemical or nuclear arsenal, Miller starts questioning the intelligence on which it is based, getting more than he bargained for when he interrupts a meeting of Iraqi ex-army officers. As you would expect from director Greengrass the film is taunt and well put together, his trade mark use of the hand held camera and frenetic editing style communicating a sense of chaos and confusion. There is an inevitable problem however when it comes to combining the formal thriller elements with a conception of the Iraq war that goes beyond surface cliches. Ultimately the demands of one genre are at odds with the other, resulting in an end product that fails to satisfy completely as action entertainment or convince as a political drama. Casting Gregg Kinnear as the twitchy Republican baddie doesn’t help matters.

Kinnear has played the villain-disguised-asa-nice-guy role once too often and it doesn’t work in the gritty Greengrass universe. His mere presence drags “Green Zone” down to the level of melodrama, especially in scenes with an ethically challenged journalist to whom his character supplies disinformation. The idea that the American military believed in the WMD lie any more than a Bush government that wanted to topple Saddam at any cost is a dubious one at best. Greengrass gives us a visceral glimpse of Iraq as it slides into virtual civil war but his notion of heroism within that context comes across as quaint.

Lido Review With Richard Swainson

The Boys Are Back Directed by Allan Cubitt This moving, not always easy to watch tale of a man’s efforts to connect with his two sons after his wife’s death is a drama of the first order. It reminded me of how few real dramas make it to the screen these days. While Joe Warr is grief struck, suffering anguish and despair, “The Boys Are Back” is not a melodrama; while he occasionally converses with his dead spouse, it is not a fantasy; while he threatens, briefly, to start a new relationship with an attractive divorcee, it is not a romance. “The Boys Are Back” is as messy and convoluted in its plotting and the complexity of its character relationships as life itself, addressing the big, eternal issues of mortality, parenting, and personal responsibility by dramatising the day to day minutiae of middle class existence.

It will be particularly valued by Clive Owen fans. Rarely if ever has the actor had the opportunity to carry a film of such depth and ambition. Always a charismatic presence in the type of genre role he normally inhabits Owen gets the chance to play a fully rounded human being and runs with it, confirming his status as the prime British actor of his generation and heir apparent to Michael Caine. His chemistry with the rather stunning Laura Fraser and amazing rapport with child performers Nicholas McAnulty and George MacKay has an uncommon intensity to it. Set in the Australian outback and, toward the end, London, the visual backdrop is never hard on the eyes. Scenes of golden sunsets on the beach have you wondering when Lara Bingle is going to turn up, and there are enough of

shots of Ocker flora and fauna to suggest that the Australian tourism board invested heavily in the project. For all the nominal reference to the hazards of the bush and poisonous snakes the drama is played out against a kind of antipodean Garden of Eden. Such flaws as the film has relate to this overly ornate aesthetic and Warr’s never explained financial resources. For even a skilled sports journalist he seems to have an awful lot of money, sustaining a large, sprawling property and buying new cars as and when he sees fit. Whilst emotionally rock solid, this pecuniary element detracts ever so slightly from the whole. Most widowers aren’t lucky enough to lick their wounds in the lap of luxury.

REVIEW:BOOK

Kevin Pryor Goes Down on Books Union Belle by Deborah Challinor Deborah Challinor is choice. Primarily because she has a P.H.D in History from the University of Waikato, and secondly because she is now New Zealand’s number one selling author. So history undergraduates take note, a career in writing popular fiction may await you. Unsurprisingly Challinor writes historical fiction. And sure enough as you might have guessed due to their popularity, the stories are pretty conventional. Where ‘Union Belle’ piques my interest however, is in two areas. First is the setting. Pukemiro is a small Waikato town, west of Huntly. Now virtually a ghost town, in the 1950s it was a thriving community based around coal mining. Secondly, is the timing in which the story is set. It’s 1951, and the miners have downed tools in solidarity with the Watersider’s Union who are striking for better pay and conditions. However this is no ordinary strike. The National Government have decided it’s high time to bring radical unionism

to its knees, and are determined to break the Watersider’s come what may. The result is a long and bitter industrial dispute in which the Government eventually wins by resorting to fascistic methods, such as complete control of the media. So our protagonist Ellen McCabe finds herself knee deep in union politics when a new man walks into her life. Ellen is happily married to one of the leading unionists and has two fine kids. She has a satisfying, stable domestic

set-up. The trouble is that the new man is handsome, charming and provides a much needed dash of fresh air. So they embark on a torrid affair, amongst a milieu of pavlovas, boozy dances in country halls, scones and jam and trestle tables. Eventually Ellen is faced with the inevitable choice, run off with her new love or stay committed to her family? The outcome may be predictable perhaps, but Union Belle wins my vote for combining politics and passion in one of my favourite settings, a small New Zealand rural town.

Reviewed by Carrie Fisher’s Hot Sister

Alice I Have Been Melanie Benjamin Alice I Have Been is a novelisation of the life of Alice Liddell, who is said to have been the inspiration for Alice in Lewis Carroll’s books Alice in Wonderland and Through The Looking Glass. Alice Liddell was told the story of Alice and her Wonderland while out on a rowboat with Charles Dodgson (the person behind the pseudonym Lewis Carroll) and it was Alice who bugged him repeatedly to write the story down for her. I don’t know how much of this is true, but it is definitely an interesting read. The story is told through the eyes of Alice Liddell, and documents her life. From the speculations of what happened between Alice and Dodgson, to her suitors, husband, marriage and eventually through to old age and selling her original manuscript of Alice’s

Adventures Underground (the original title of Alice in Wonderland) to keep her family’s home. I must admit that I am not the biggest Alice in

Alice led an interesting lifeDodgson was a seedy character and seems to have influenced everything that happened to her from the moment he behaved scandalously Wonderland fan, but I found the history and scandal in this novel quite gripping. Alice led an interesting life- Dodgson was a seedy character and seems to have influenced everything that happened to her from the moment he behaved

scandalously, she wasn’t dissuaded from study in a time when that was not the norm for women, she fell in love with a prince who could never marry her and married the only man that ever asked. She is a very interesting character, but not at all what you’d expect if you wanted her to be the Alice from Alice in Wonderland and I get why that she didn’t want to be known as the Alice from the stories for most of her life. Alice I Have Been would be an awesome book to share around a group of girls and then speculate wildly about how creepy Mr. Dodgson would have been and how you would have convinced the prince to marry you. Sorry boys, this one isn’t for you.

LOCAL:GIGS

Gig Guide Send your gig listings to gigs@nexusmag.co.nz. We will print them for you! Seriously, send them. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s got to be SOMETHING happening in this city. Dragon and Eqwanox, Place: Altitude Nightclub and Bar Date: Thursday, 08 April

Wellington International Ukulele Orchestra Place: Raglan Town Hall Date: Sunday 11th April.

A Night With Dane And Friends Place: Clarence Street Theatre Date: Sat, 03 April

Knights of the Dub table The Upbeats and Trei

Welcome To The Revolution Tour 2010

Place: Hamilton Flow Date: May 7th.

Support from: Habit and Midian. Date: Sat 27 March- Flow Bar

Place: Sky City, Sat Date: 02 October

Collective boys

The Collective presents

Scribe vs Savage

Anonymouz

Date: Saturday 8th May Hamilton Place: Flow Bar

Place: Charmers Bar & Night Club Date: Fri, 30 April

Time: 8pm-midnight (because of the laws preventing the sale of alcohol on Easter Friday....) FREE ENTRY! Date: Thursday 1st April, Place: FLOW BAR, MOMENTUM

Gangsteropoly by Florian

Momento Special 4 summits & curly fries $25

Holidays Hours Momento Lakes & MS2 open during holidays

YOUR BUSTED PHOTOS STEP ONE: Party STEP TWO: Take pictures STEP THREE: Email them to us at busted@nexusmag.co.nz Seriously, do it! It canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be that hard, people are (apparently) partying here all the time. Embarrass your friends! Display your ugly mug!