issue 7

5 MAY 2008

GTA:

Will the onslaught of letters in the Lettuce pages bitching about Saudi Arabia ever stop?

My sources say no – last year’s interminable topic was Christians vs Other People, Uni’s lack of car parking, and the Poo Smell. This year’s is Saudi Arabia, apparently. Magic 8 Ball also predicts letters will also continue to be rambling bullshit with the Worst Spelling Ever – which says scary things about the quality of Waikato University.

Is procrastination the thief of time?

Without a doubt – in fact, procrastination is what creates time. You know how God rested on the seventh day? Procrastination. He was actually going to blow everything up and start over. The whole message of the Bible boils down to “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

Is The Drought really over?

Cannot predict now – because, if The Drought was a summer blockbuster, we’d now be getting ready for the dreary winter season.

Watch out for releases like “The Flood” and “The Perfect Storm 2,” coming to a Waikato Times near you.

Is picking your nose and eating it bad for you?

Signs point to yes – it’s pretty bad for your social life. Look around you in a lecture or in traffic some time. It’s scary how many people do this in public. Ironically, it’s actually good for your health. Apparently eating nose-pick boosts your immune system.

Does playing Grand Theft Auto cause violence?

Outlook not so good – there are no studies conclusively linking violent video games to actual violence. There are plenty of books and press releases by attention-seeking pundits who make the link with no proof at all. There is, interestingly, evidence that playing violent video games has a calming effect. But there’s one thing for sure: If I don’t get out of this office soon and get into some GTA4, there’s gonna be murders.

Is Miley Cyrus the Next Britney Spears?

Yes – Miley’s flame-out will really begin when she posts a sex tape, which will be released on her 18th birthday in the Western world and several months prior in countries with no anti-kiddy porn laws. It will be so successful that she’ll combine her Hannah Montana brand with Girls Gone Wild and make billions.

Is my Iron Man suit going to fly?

Yes – straight down, at terminal velocity.

After sorting through this week’s entries for the Caption Competition, the Editor realised he was dealing with such high art that he just had to cut off his ear. He sent in the entries to the prestigious Turner Art Award in England (which has previously been won by a room with a light that turned on and off) and the organisers were so shamed by the quality of the entries that they promised to never sully the art world with their bullshit ever again.

But we still had to pick a winner, and here it is: “Scandal: Madonna retains youth by sucking the brains of South American Send entries to nexus@waikato.ac.nz or txt to 021 235 8436! Should you win, your caption will be sent out to the world’s top artists, who will paint different renditions of it into their art. The resulting pictures will be worth billions, and the artists will sell them accordingly. You will sue for the profits, and actually succeed; allowing you to live out your old age in a mansion with all cocaine and high-class prostitutes you can eat, and you will decorate the mansion with the caption art you inspired and can now afford to buy. You’ll also receive a Burger Fuel voucher, which is even better.

Orphans!”

Congratulations, Ross MacLeod! Come to the Nexus offices to collect your free Burger Fuel meal!* Here are some honourable mentions: “Madonna’s latest attempt to adopt an African child was not going so well.”

– Shaun Dalton “Samantha discovers the delicious truth behind the aphorism: Once you’ve tried chocolate, you never go back to vanilla.”

– Michael Miller

*You can’t actually get the meal from the offi ce. You’ll have to go to Burger Fuel for that. We’ll give you a voucher, though

ISSUE 07

3

Thinking about postgraduate study?

Join us for Postgraduate Week at New Zealand’s leading research university. From 12-16 May The University of Auckland is providing information sessions, displays and presentations to give you everything you need to know about postgraduate study. We look forward to welcoming you.

For more information and to register visit: KingSt07806_NEX_B

www.ourownwords.ac.nz

ISSUE 07

WEEK 1M2 16 AY

Monday - Arts, Engineering, Theology Tuesday - Business, Education, Graduate School of Enterprise Wednesday - Science, Medical and Health Sciences Thursday - Business, Education, Law Throughout the week - National Institute of Creative Arts and Industries showcasing special exhibitions, concerts and presentations

1.Favourite video game?

2.What do you think about violence in video games?

3.What did you do for ANZAC day?

4.If you were playing Grand Theft Auto would you run over a hooker to get your money back?

5.Have you been broken into this year?

1.Forza 2.Gotta have it 3.I was in Australia – rowing 4.Bloody Oath 5.Nup

1.Grand Theft Auto San Andreas 2.Gotta have it 3.With the missus 4.Yep 5.No, Thank god

1.Halo 2 2.It’s alright if your old enough 3.I worked 4.Yeh, it’s just a game 5.No

1.No 2.It’s okay if they regulate it 3.Watched the service on TV 4.Yep 5.No- never have been

1.Ummm, Crash Bandicoot 2.Don’t really care 3.Spent it with family. (My uncle with two broken legs) 4.Probably… No that’s horrible!

5.No, but I’m freakin out about it

ISSUE 07

5

Nexus Issue 06 28 APRIL 2008

CREDITS Editor: Joshua “Love is my bitch” Drummond (nexus@waikato.ac.nz) Design: Talia “Girl Next Door” Kingi (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) Advertising: Tony “Stud” Arkell (admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz/ 021 176 6180) Assistant to the Editor: Andrew “Space Cowboy” Neal (news@nexus-npl.co.nz) Music Ed: Carl “Attached” Watkins (toezee@gmail.com)

FEATURES 19 Grand Theft Auto: Reality 22 ANZAC Day with my Grandfather

Books Ed: Kelly “Bookish” Badman (fairytonic@inspire.net.nz) Film Ed: Art “I’m in Agony” Focker (adr7@students.waikato.ac.nz)

Contributors 8 Ball, AJ, Vitamin C, Kelly Badman, WSU, Carl Watkins, Burton C. Bogan, Fergus Hodgson, Kelly Badman, Jed Laundry, Josh, Andrew, Talia, Dr Richard Swainson, Matt, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash Medallion, Art Focker, Claire Breen, Thunder Mcloud, Dawn for continuing to visit me and for the thrashing at Puzzle Bobble, Blair Munro, and GTA images sourced from http://blog. gtahq.net (cheers, man)

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) Because it means other

NEW STUFF

Comic Review on page 34 (and be in to win!) Also, check out our review of Sydney White by all-new Film Editor Art Focker on page 35, and ace webcomic Garfield Minus Garfield appears on page 27

NEWS

8 – 13 University crime wave continues, MASH, Student-only pub “inspired by Scarfie days”, Scholars pay musical tribute to Sir Edmund Hillary, Students smash shit, “Mob brutality” in campus crash, four injured, East Hamilton Police Burglary Report, Haiku News

people do the work

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. I’M PRETTY SURE THIS DISCLAIMER HAS ALL THE LEGAL EFFECTIVENESS OF A KILO OF BELLY-BUTTON LINT, BUT WE’RE KEEPING IT ANYWAY.

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL nexus@waikato.ac.nz OR admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176 6180

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton

PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: nexus@waikato.ac.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

REGULARS AND RANDOMS 03 Magic 8 Ball 03 Caption Competition 04 Intergalatic Greetings 05 Low Five 06 Contents, but we didn’t need to tell you that. Or did we?

07 Editorial 14 The Execution 15 Lettuce 18 Rant of the Week 24 WSU guff 27 Notices 27 Garfield Minus Garfield 28 Flash Medallion’s Puzzle Page of… something 29 Big Picture 30 A river runs through it 30 Essence of Awesome 31 Boganology 101 31 Sarcophagus Rex 32 Agony Art 32 Lectern 33 Phat Controller 33 Cafe Review 34 Book & Comic Reviews 35 Moving Pictures 35 Film Review 36 Citric 36 DVDs 38 Gig Guide 39 Busted

got a call from my mobster friend at 3:30 AM. I was still awake, of course.

“I heard that kids are going to be reenacting Grand Theft Auto 4!” he said, breathless. “What a great idea!”

“We’re totally going to do that,” I said, suddenly excited. “I’ve heard about all the fun stuff you can do in that game. You can get drunk and drive. You can take over mob businesses. You can visit strip clubs. You can set people on fire. You can fuck hookers and then kill them.”

“Don’t forget, you can steal cars. How much better will this be in real life?” said my mobster friend. His name is Remi and he’s 14. I’m 13, I’m a genuine thug, and I’m pretty sure I’ll start getting pubic hair soon. My name is Jack Larson.

Remi came over the next day and we discussed our plan of attack.

Because Grand Theft Auto is rated R18 in New Zealand, we had to figure out how to get a copy. Remi was in favour of shoplifting. I guessed this probably wouldn’t work, because the games stores take the games out of the cases. Neither of us look close enough to 18 to try and buy it.

Both his and my older brothers were killed in gang violence when they re-enacted Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, so we can’t ask them to get it for us. We could get an illegal copy from the internet, but that’d take too long on New Zealand’s shitty broadband. So I did what any prospective kid-buyer of GTA does. I asked my Dad. “Can you buy me Grand Theft Auto 4, please?” I said. “Me and Remi want to play it, then re-enact the good stuff.”

My Dad chuckled. He’s a great, liberal-minded guy, especially when he’s baked.

“Sure, Jack” he said, ruffling my hair. “Would you like me to pick up Anal Vixens Eight for you as well? It’s the same rating.”

“Oh, yes!” I gasped. “Thanks, Dad. You know how I love that series.”

We got the game and we played through it in one 80 hour sitting, with occasional raids on Dad’s secret cocaine stash to keep us going. At the end of the game we were all set for an epic re-enactment.

The first thing we had to do was steal a car. In the game, this is pretty easy. You just walk up to a car and press the Triangle button.

But when we tried it on Dad’s car, it didn’t work.

“Press it harder!” I yelled to Remi.

“Maybe it has to be connected to the Play Station to work?” he suggested.

Luckily, Dad came out just as we were attempting to hot-wire the car with cords from the Play Station controller.

“Oh, you kids,” he laughed. “Look, here’s how you do it.”

He showed us how to jimmy the lock out of the door, disable the immobiliser and connect two ends of the ignition wire together. After half an hour, the watching neighbours cheered as we finally got the car started and drove away. We hit the letterbox going out, so Dad gave us a quick driving lesson.

“Just think of the accelerator as the X button,” he explained.

“Thanks, Mr Larson,” Remi said. “We’re sorry about the damage.”

“Don’t worry about it,” smiled my Dad. “Just kill a hooker. They’ve always got heaps of money, and you can bring some to me.”

The first part of the re-enactment was getting drunk and driving. Already pretty high on our hot-wiring success, we decided to just go to a liquor store and try and buy stuff.

We accidentally drove the car through the plate-glass window at the front of the shop, but the nice Indian owner didn’t seem to mind.

“Insurance, insurance!” he chortled, picking pieces of glass out of his hair. “Insurance will pay! Now, what do you boys want?”

We got a fifth of vodka, because that’s what Eminem drinks before he drives. The liquor-store owner shared it with us before we left, well pissed.

We weaved across the road, laughing and yelling every time we hit a pedestrian. Cops occasionally gave chase and shot at us, but Remi was getting the hang of driving pretty quick, and, once we’d figured out where the windscreen-wiper lever was so we could see through the blood, we grabbed a few wanted stars and the cops disappeared.

“It’s amazing how much real life is like the game,” Remi said. I agreed.

Then we drove to the red-light district for our re-enactment coup de grace - picking up a hooker. Remi had taken a few shots to the lungs and I had a shattered arm from a policeman’s bullet. Getting a hooker would recharge our health. Little did she know we planned to kill her and get our money back. We had plenty of cash, picked up from dead pedestrians we’d run over and stopped to mug.

We saw a blond bimbo standing at the corner of a street, wearing a slip of a red dress and thigh-high stockings. We pulled over, and sounded the horn.

She got in. “Lookin’ fer a good time?” she asked, all sultry. Remi and I high-fived and drove through a park, stopping under a deserted bridge.

Well, neither of us had ever had our health recharged by a dirty hooker before, but we did then and it was great. We took turns. The car bounced up and down just like in the game and there was heavy breathing and the springs squeaked. My broken arm and Remi’s collapsed lungs healed perfectly. The hooker thanked us for a great time, took $200 from each of us, and exited the car.

Remi and I looked at each other and grinned. We knew what was coming.

I was driving this time and I reversed sharply, knocking over the hooker who had foolishly walked behind the car. We ran right over her. I could feel the chassis grinding on her bones. Blood sprayed over the car.

Luckily, it was painted red.

She was practically dead already, but we both got out of the car to finish her off. Remi used a golf club and I riddled her squashy, gooey corpse with bullets from an M-16 I’d bought at a sporting goods store. Hooting with glee, we took our money back. Just like in the game.

We took the money back to Dad, who was so pleased he said we could go and take over a gang-owned strip club next week. I can’t wait.

ISSUE 07

7

News issue 07

Recent burglaries and other crimes at Waikato University have left some students and staff questioning whether campus security is tight enough.

After the Campus Kiosk was broken into for the second time this year on the weekend of 19-20 April, owner Brett “The Dairy Guy,” questioned the value of the security services at the University.

“Students pay a lot of money to go here and [the University is] spending a lot of money on upgrading every thing – why aren’t they spending some money on cameras?” asked Brett.

Likewise, students in the Halls of Residence have complained about the constant break-ins to their cars in the University car parks.

“Having one security guard on between 12 and 6 AM to cover the whole campus is not really good enough. So much for keeping students safe,” said a Letter to the Editor, published last week.

But Campus Security head Ray Hayward said the claims made in the letter that security services were insufficient and not receiving enough funding were “completely wrong.”

Hayward says that campus security would love to get more cameras and that this will “definitely happen.”

An undisclosed number of security cameras were installed by Information Technology Services in teaching rooms and it has been confirmed that there are a number of other cameras installed by other parties also.

He confirmed that only one security guard works a beat on campus between the hours

a special operation involving my staff and police to crack down on it,” he said.

The Halls of Residence are an area that “contain a lot of valuables,” and laptops have been lifted through windows there in the past and “Students [in the halls] are constantly warned about looking after their valuables,” Sanderson said.

With crime continuing to soar in the Hamilton

of 12 AM and 6 AM, however, there are other security guards present in the security office should a breach occur.

Student Village manager, Leigh Sanderson’s son’s Toyota Hilux ute was stolen from right in front of his house on Knighton road on Sunday 27 April.

“We’ve had quite a few thefts this year, we’ve had three cars broken into, one car stolen and we had a burglary where someone cut into the bike sheds with bolt cutters and stole two bikes,” said Sanderson.

But police and security are “cracking down,” according to Hayward. “We have had a real a real problem with break ins, but we’re running

East area, students are being urged by Police, the WSU and Campus Security to be more vigilant with their flats, possessions and even around campus.

“People need to be more vigilant around the car park areas and call us if they see anything suspicious,” Hayward says.

One student, who has asked to remain anonymous, has said that last year they had locked themselves out of the J Basement computer labs and had to wait 25 minutes to be let in because the security guard was off campus getting food.

“I mean it wasn’t an emergency but would they still have taken that long if I was breaking in?” the student said.

The Waikato Student’s Union will bring male sexual health to the campus consciousness throughout the month of May with its MASH campaign.

MASH, which stands for Male Advocates for Sexual Health, will feature “activities and education,” every Wednesday during cultural hour to educate men about their responsibility when it comes to sexual health.

Events will feature an army theme to match the MASH television show and will be held all over campus, due to the renovations at the Village Green area.

“It’s a good opportunity to get amongst the students, instead of them coming to us,” says WSU director Glen Delamere.

WSU director Ben Delaney says there is often a stigma attached to men’s health issues.

“Men need to take more responsibility with their involvement of the proliferation of sexually transmitted infections,” he says.

Games will be held on campus that are designed to be comical but with a strong message and purpose.

On one of the days a large number of student union directors from around the country will go to their respective medical centres for a Chlamydia check.

“It’s our way of saying it’s not a big deal,” says Delamere Delamere also pointed out that after speaking to the University Medical Centre that there is a

male nurse available for any male student who wishes to use this service.

Games and information sessions will be held at the School of Education, Management buildings and other areas around campus.

Games will include ‘What STI am I?’ where a WSU director will get a number of male contestants and give a list of symptoms, such as “anal discharge” and “it hurts to piss!” and the contestant will try to guess which infection they are.

There will also be a condom speed test, where condoms will be placed onto cucumbers and contestants will be judged on speed, skill, style and technique.

8

ISSUE 07

May 5 2008

A passion for student bars has given John Lawrenson the inspiration to open new Hamilton student pub ‘Bar 101’.

For this reason cheap drink deals will closely monitored by staff to avoid running foul of intoxication laws.

The pub, located on Victoria Street, is co-owned by Lawrenson and some old friends from Otago University. It is targeted directly at students and will limit admission to keep it that way.

The aesthetics of the pub are an amalgamation of other places Lawrenson has worked with stone walls and large ‘Tui’ logos.

“Pretty much if you don’t look like a student we’re going to ask for a student idea, we don’t want the shifty guys coming in looking to prey on students,” says Lawrenson.

Lawrenson says his passion for student bars came from living and studying in Dunedin. After moving to Hamilton and opening bar/ restaurant ‘Furnace’ noticed a gap in the market as, he claimed, student bars in Hamilton were too expensive.

The name ‘Bar 101’ came from one of the bartenders at Furnace and is a play on words from paper codes at the university.

“101 is generally related to first year introduction papers, so there’s the possibility of slogans like ‘Bar 101: Introduction to drinking’, I’m sure it will turn up on a T-shirt at some stage,” jokes Lawrenson.

Lawrenson said that rent for other bars in town can be quite expensive and that they can suffer under large overhead costs.

He says this can mean other bars in town have to get huge numbers through the doors to make ends meet but the “lower rent in the pub’s current location means that staff can be a bit more selective with their clientele, making it a truly student pub.”

Whilst Lawrenson wants to be competitive with other bars in town and a little bit cheeky, he is not interested in trouble with local authorities.

The front entrance hallway features ‘old school’ beer advertisements and memorabilia and will soon feature newer Tui artwork to compliment it.

There is still a bit of work to be done, with an expansion of the garden bar area to be completed within the next few weeks and other small alterations.

Hospitality is a real family affair for Lawrenson who says that nine out of ten members of his extended family have held General Manager’s Certificates.

He added that he has been in the bar industry for ten years and, still being in his 20’s. says he still loves big student bars.

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ISSUE 07

9

News issue 07

Creative arts scholars at the University of Waikato will use their skills to create a CD of classical music as a tribute to the late Sir Edmund Hillary.

Sir Edmund Hillary Scholars will use their areas of expertise to make the CD, entitled Journey to the Summit.

The University’s Hillary Scholars come from the sports and creative arts fields and include many

support to the scholarship programme, which fosters greatness.

the Cellophonics group, the university cello group, will also contribute.

Hillary Programme Manager Nicola Clayden said the university was proud to have help from Atoll Records for the recording and Ode Music Distribution for the marketing.

The university’s graphics department will be involved in the design work for the CD and

Recording is being done by Atoll Records in the concert chamber at the university’s Wel Academy of Performing Arts over several days in April and June.

singers and musicians.

DVD and promotional material. The CD will be available for sale to the general public.

The CD will be launched later this year, along with a DVD documenting the making of the CD. Theatre and dance students will create and perform a piece for the launch.

“We think the CD and DVD project is a great way to pay tribute to Sir Ed,” Clayden said.

“It will be vibrant and youthful and aspiring to greatness.” She continues.

University Vice-Chancellor Professor Roy Crawford said the CD was a fitting way to commemorate Sir Ed, who gave his name and

The students, who include pianists and cellists, will record several pieces for the CD, including Bach, Debussy and Rachmaninov. Singers, and

Waikato University’s Sir Edmund Hillary Scholarship Programme is a full fee scholarship for dozens of top-achieving arts and sports students each year. It is sponsored by Gallagher Group Ltd and Orbit Corporate Travel, and involves coaching, support and leadership development with help from many partner organisations.

Students smash shit - Or DO they? (Answer: Yes) Seonah Choi - Salient

Allegations made by Rotorua motel owners that Victoria University students attending this year’s University Games trashed motel rooms and left rooms full of vomit and alcohol have been described as an “overreaction.”

Attending students and Games organisers say the claims have been “exaggerated to an amazing extent.” The Games were held in

Rotorua between April 14 and 18, and about 130 students from Victoria were booked in to Cleveland Motel and Havana Motor Lodge during their four-night stay. Havana was the first of the two motels to evict students, with a room of four asked to leave on Wednesday afternoon. Owner Jan Stevenson told the New Zealand Herald that the eviction came after a window in a unit was broken and red wine was spilled in the room. According to the glazier who inspected the window, M P f o r h aM i l t o n e a s t the damage to the window was not the result of vandalism.

Phone: 07 834 3407 “[The glazier] advised Email: davidbennett@xtra.co.nz that the window was www.davidbennett.co.nz accidental… [It was] broken from closing it,” Victoria University’s team manager Brent Hayward said.

David Bennett MP

www.national.org.nz 10

ISSUE 07

However, repair costs were accepted by the students and Games organisers. On the same night, Hayward was called to Cleveland Motel by owners Cynthia and Clyde Hawkins, who were reportedly upset about the state of a room and the noise caused by a number of students. The Hawkins threatened to evict the occupants of all the rooms. Hayward says that when he arrived, there was a student who was requiring medical attention. “[The Hawkins] were unconcerned. They tried to drag me to one of the units to show me the mess [the students had made].” “Clyde sort of snapped when I placed more importance on the student. He didn’t seem to comprehend reasoning and became frustrated, then grabbed me by the shirt and near the throat.”

Cynthia Hawkins denied Hayward’s account of events. “I got a hold of his jersey and said, ‘You come with me and I’ll show you.’ That’s all I did to him. If he’s [going to] treat that as a threat, [if] he’d like to come here… I’ll show him what I really [want to] do to him.” “We

May 5 2008 had police here, why didn’t he tell the police?

What a liar he is.” “It took many phone calls to get [Hayward] here and he didn’t even want to come and look at the room. He wasn’t concerned about anybody, it took everything we had to get him to come here and he wouldn’t even come and have a look at the destruction that was happening.”

Following discussions attended by Hayward and the Hawkins, as well as the police and representatives from both University Sport New Zealand (USNZ) and the Rotorua City Council, students were allowed to stay at

Hawkins described the clean-up as “absolutely disgusting.” “The damage was shocking.

It was disgraceful.” She estimated repair costs as “over $3,000.” “They’re living like pigs. Everyone in New Zealand knows they wouldn’t have cleaned up.” Both Hayward and Cosgrove said the reports of damage were exaggerated. “There was some beer spilt and the vomit was only in one toilet,” Cosgrove said. “It wasn’t the apocalypse.” This claim was concurred by Hayward, who also added that the students were “not well looked after” during their stay at the motels. The owners

However, Hawkins admitted that she had not hosted university students previously. “We were under the impression that [the students staying] were going to be older. When you hear about Ultimate Frisbee and things like that, we were actually thinking that they’d be more mature people, and at the end of it, like Thursday night, they would have a party and we were prepared for that.”

Regardless, Hawkins described Victoria University students as “the worst of the lot.”

Cleveland. The Hawkins demanded a $1,000 bond, which was paid. “They actually bribed us… the Council begged us to keep them here.” On Thursday morning, Hayward was contacted by Stevenson from Havana, who informed him that the remaining students staying at her motel were to be evicted, citing general untidiness, noise after 10 p.m. the previous night and the report of one student smoking near a unit. Stevenson refused to participate in discussions with Hayward and USNZ, and declined requests for a refund despite a letter from the USNZ lawyer advising that it would be illegal to evict all the students without a letter. Alternative accommodation was found for the evicted students. Later that day, Clyde Hawkins met with Victoria University’s assistant team manager Mark Davis, VUWSA President Joel Cosgrove and a USNZ representative. Hawkins told the group that all the students staying at Cleveland were being evicted, following an alleged tip-off from a security guard who said a student had informed him of plans to ransack the motel that night. The police were again called as students were forced to leave in heavy rain. “We were concerned about the safety of the students… Clyde had one or two of his associates evicting them,” Hayward said. Overnight accommodation for the students was found at backpackers and hostels. Following the students’ departure,

of both Havana and Cleveland have been accused of verbally attacking the students. At Havana, a large number of students overheard Stevenson referring to members of Victoria’s league, touch and netball teams as “darkies.”

At Cleveland, one witness claimed that Clyde Hawkins “stormed” into a room during a team talk and called one student “a fucking bitch.” Cosgrove suggested that the moteliers may have been ill-prepared. “If people sign on knowing what they’re getting, they’ll have a good experience.” He cited the owner of a Newcastle Motor Lodge, a third motel that accommodated students from Victoria. “He was great. We got photos together… and he asked us to send them to him.” Of the Hawkins, Cosgrove says: “They were new to the motel industry. Anyone who’s had involvement with the motel industry knows that it’s hard work. They got $6,000 to $9,000 for four nights – I think they just saw dollar signs and not the responsibility.” Hayward pointed out that all the motel rooms had been prepaid. “They had the upper hand all week. I wonder if they would have evicted the students if the rooms hadn’t been paid for ahead of time. I’d like to know what their bookings are normally like at this time of year.” Cynthia Hawkins rejected the suggestions made by Cosgrove and Hayward. “What’s [experience] got to do with anything? [And] it has nothing to do with money.”

all the students were being blamed for the alleged misbehaviour of a minority. “The ones who did cause damage should be punished, I agree, but don’t lump everyone together.” The events at this year’s University Games already appear to have affected next year’s Games.

“Some moteliers, based on information in the newspaper, there could be some moteliers who won’t accept any bookings for [the 2009 University Games],” Taranaki Motel Association President Deborah Tawa said.

Since the Games team returned from Rotorua, Hayward, Cosgrove and Davis have met with the University’s Vice-Chancellor Pat Walsh. A detailed report of events is being be prepared for Walsh, who is expected to decide the appropriate action for the students involved once the report is complete. “In this case, I hope [the University] will look at the facts,” Cosgrove said. USNZ has already announced its support for Victoria students. “It was unfortunate that a small number of students misbehaved,” he said. “But the reaction from the motel owners was over-the-top and inhumane and unjustifiable.” The Hawkins say they intend to contact the University and the Walsh, while Hayward says VUWSA is considering legal action

“I’m ashamed.” One student protested that

ISSUE 07

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News issue 07

“Mob brutality” in campus crash, four injured

By Rory MacKinnon – InUnison

A night out ended in tragedy for three partygoers at the Mt Albert campus last fortnight when a drunk driver slammed into a crowd walking home from a fancy-dress party at Carrington’s, hosted by the USU students’ association.

The crash happened between midnight and 1am, as revelers made their way back to the students’ accommodation. Eyewitnesses say the driver was traveling between 70-80kph on the wrong side of the road and swerved to avoid a head-on collision with another vehicle. The car slid into a group of around ten people, hitting three of them.

“Unbelievable… [a] horrible noise when he hit the people. Just a horrible

www.reccentre.co.nz

hip hop dance

thud and you saw the people go down.”

One eyewitness who asked not to be identified says one woman “flew” across the bonnet, hitting the windscreen headfirst. In Unison also understands one of the injured suffered two broken legs from the force of the impact.

Eyewitnesses also say the crowd responded with “mob brutality”, pulling the driver and front-seat passenger from the car. A group of around five men began beating the driver unconscious, while the remainder set upon the vehicle, smashing its windows.

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12

ISSUE 07

USU President Greg Powell says that while the events are “truly tragic”, neither Carrington’s nor the students’ association are liable, and that Carrington’s staff had closed the bar over an hour prior, refusing to serve intoxicated customers.

“The incident happened over an hour after the event ended… the driver was not a Unitec student and didn’t attend the event. It was a terrible case of ‘wrong place at the wrong time’.”

Powell says he will nonetheless be meeting with Carrington’s staff this week to discuss further safety measures, including better lighting, cordoning off the surrounding area and hiring private security to monitor and patrol the perimeter after events. Powell adds that there is “no excuse” for either the crowd or the driver’s behaviour.

“It’s simple. If you drink and drive, you’re a bloody idiot. That being said, what the crowd did to [the driver] was not cool. I’m ashamed, really.”

Police have been unwilling to release a copy of the incident report to In Unison, however Powell says he is in the process of obtaining one.

Further updates will be provided as information becomes available.

May 5 2008

East Hamilton Police Burglary Report 14th - 28th April 2008 During the two week University break 36 burglaries have occurred in the Hamilton East, their locations are indicated on the above map.

Out of the 36 homes that have been broken into, 12 had their front doors and windows left wide open making it easy for offenders. The other homes have had doors and windows either smashed or jemmied open.

Laptops and small electronic equipment are still items that are being taken.

If you see or find anyone acting suspicious or shouldn’t be in your garden or your neighbours then please call the Police.

Security Advice: Please lock your windows and doors even if you’re going out for a short time. Offenders could be watching and known you’re routines.

Information on how to protect your home is available from the East Hamilton Community Policing Centre on Clyde St. If you have any information that might help Police with these burglaries please call the University Constable, Nick Sickelmore at Nicholas.

Sickelmore@police.govt.nz

Waihopai spy base protesters on hunger strike Will the US stop spying If the protestors die?

May as well try

University staff slam beauty queen interview Tough tits, could be worse The staff are just jealous They’re not Miss Universe

McCain’s vege line closure to see 30 jobs lost Screwed-over vege Employees say, “Oh, McCain, You’ve done it again!”

Long hot summer credited for gambling drop Long hot summer Causes gambling breach, turns out Dole bludgers like the beach.

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ISSUE 07

13

The Execution Nexus arrived late, sometime around the Vice President’s report, in time to hear criticism of itself for not putting something or other in the magazine this week. There was the cloying stench of group sex.* Nexus was a little sad to have missed out, but knowing the WSU, it was probably boring.

It was fairly obvious that this was the room that AJ worked in. A stray dodgeball lurked under a desk. Boxing gloves sat quietly in a corner, awaiting the moment to pounce.

The Executive/Directors sat around an oval table, reminding Nexus of the non-famous Knights of the Oval Table. Moira was absent, which meant Olivia chaired the meeting, quietly basking in an aura of purest power.

The National GBLT Askew conference was brought up. David said it’s been traditional to support the MMF club and the WSU has budgeted $560 to send somebody to the Centurion Men’s Sauna, but it might otherwise be given to the Askew club. The group sex was well underway, in what looked to be a slightly modified game of King of the Castle.

Glen asked why the money wasn’t going through clubs. Didn’t want the WSU to be seen as “double dipping.” There was some Exec smirking at this point, and Nexus has no idea why.

Jeff Hawks, the quite definitely straight GBLTresponsible director, said “I’m not sure that I’ll be able to interact with the empathy that a fully fledged, ahem, member of ASKEW might be able to,” he said, shifting in his seat. Does this mean that he will have to turn down invites to gay sex orgies? Nexus hopes not.

Olivia talked about contributing to a review of the Moodle application, (which Wintec has had for years.) Miss Beattie was left satisfied and craving more. There was some confusion amongst the WSU as to what Moodle actually was. “Is that like Bebo?” somebody asked.

Nexus can attest from its own experience that the function of Moodle is to send salacious instant messages to other students on the network.

1

ISSUE 07

The Education Director was elected the WSU representative for this review, amid much laughter from the Exec. Nexus didn’t get the joke, but while it was (mis) typing this sentence it noticed that WSU can anagram as “WUS”.

Coincidently, the mass of exec bodies spelled the same word if one were to squint and turn their head.

Jeff raised the eminently sensible point that the University is now using several different systems for intra-student communication, which might be confusing. Although his objections were muffled by what was probably a foot in his mouth, the point was ignored.

I have some free condoms on my desk. You can have them, I don’t need them,” Olivia said, giggling a little.

“Olivia,” Ben admonished, “always think of the future.

Ben spoke about Nexus not putting an ad about Noho Marae in (because we were frantically short on space) and how WSU would go about promoting it. They have wonderful plans, which include chalking, posters, amongst other things. We may as well give it a plug here. It will go for the reasonable price of $35.

While Nexus scraped little blobs of fly shit off its once-pristine laptop keyboard, AJ mentioned “sculling half a vod.” Ben laughed.

“Don’t laugh,” AJ said menacingly.

Nexus regretted not coming to more WSU orgies, as it was confused by the terminology used and felt a little lonely.

Glen talked about MASH, which stands for Male Advocates for Sexual Health. Whets (see?

Did it again) will be “targeting different areas.”

– Nexus suggests he starts with the crotch.

“I have some free condoms on my desk. You can have them, I don’t need them,” Olivia said, giggling a little.

“Olivia,” Ben admonished, “always think of the future.”

Other plans for MASH week involve, brilliantly, the entire Exec being tested for STIs at the university health clinic. Someone voiced the possibility of the results of the tests being published in Nexus. Nexus thinks this is a brilliant idea, and may run a full-colour pictorial on it.

“Except for AIDS. You can’t get rid of AIDS.” Olivia said, with a nervous grin.

“Tap it and gap it,” suggested AJ. No one was impressed with his sex etiquette and he was sent to be the back of the man conga line which was forming by Moira, who was not actually there.

Ben wants everyone in camo, “with toy machine guns,” marching about singing the ”MASH theme song.” Nexus wonders if Ben realises that the MASH theme song is called “Suicide is Painless,” and features lyrics of the same phrase, which might not go down too well with, probably, anyone.

Jeff wants to go to town in camo to “lead an assault on the Chlamydia Triangle.” Nexus thinks this would be a form of suicide that definitely wouldn’t be painless.

Then came the fascinating point of WSU submissions to Nexus. “People are not getting their contributions on time and others are not getting them in at all,” said Olivia.

The WSU sat, cowed.

“Josh,” hissed Glen, at this point. “I’m Glen, not Whetu.” Damn. Nexus keeps getting that wrong.

There was a whole lot of guff about the Uni Games. Nexus gave up at this point, and stared blankly into space, while the sex games raged around it.

And on that bombshell, the meeting went into Committee of the Whole (hole?) and Nexus left. *Nexus couldn’t think of a “theme” for the Execution this week, so it got Kirril to provide the bits in bold, which explains rather a lot.

Txts to the Editor!

Nexus now has an all-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. They can be about anything – but if it’s something in the magazine, so much the better. We’ll print the best ones, so get texting! There’s a prize for text of the week as well. We don’t know what it is yet, but it will be awesome.

Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Busted-type situations to 021 235 8436.

Do it it.

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

Dear Nexus, This one is actually for Drummond-san. I love reading the Haiku entries in every edition of Nexus; some of them are genuinely funny and entertaining. But please, correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t haiku supposed to have a distinct pattern of 5, 7 and then 5 syllables?

Some of the poems in the Nexus are a bit askew in that department. It’s nothing big, but being a lover of Japanese poetry I find it odd to have “haiku” in different arrangements other

than they are supposed to be. Oh, and they don’t have to rhyme either (I’m just saying that because a lot of them do). Anyway, keep up the wonderful writing!

Akechi Mitsuhide You’re right. When I came up with the idea I checked the Wikipedia entry on haiku poetry which said that a haiku only “had to have” 17 syllables. It didn’t emphasise the 5-7-5 meter, which I decided would be too diffi cult to stick to. So the only rule I follow when I’m writing

them is that they have to have 17 syllables.

Occasionally I write one that sticks to the 5-7-5 rule, but most of them don’t, so they’re not “true” haikus. I know they don’t have to rhyme either, but I like silly rhymes, so they go in And, just for writing in, here is a bonus Haiku.

A proper one, too, unless I’ve gotten your name’s pronunciation wrong.

For loving Haiku Akechi Mitsuhide, Nexus will love you.

– Editor-san.

It was broke, so they fixed it I would like to make a few comments in the support of the Universities move to gmail. I have been using gmail for several years now and I really think the argument by “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” lacks a lot of balls.

First of all we had the choice if we wanted to change. You could have selected the little radio button that allowed you to keep your outlook account the same. That would have saved all that time you have already spent whinning about it. Secondly it has a weird and unfamiliar layout because its new, weird and unfamiliar generally applies to all things that are new...that’s why they are new! Also you would have to be almost

legally blind to not be able to notice the compose mail button in the top left corner in bold. Gmail has many things better than outlook. It has unlimited space..so you do not have to delete old mail and large files can be sent, there is spell check, you can search through all your emails for old ones and emails are filed as ‘conversations’ so you don’t have 50 emails from the same person about the same thing in seperate emails. I think that gmail is far superior to hotmail or outlook. Big ups to the uni!

Larissa MacMillan

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EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz ISSUE 07

15

It was broke, so they ďŹ xed it #2 Dear Ed, I tend to disagree with the letter saying gmail is hard to use, and that we should have stuck with the old way. I also disagree with the implied idea that hotmail is better than gmail.

But, rather than getting into some argument about it, I think this link will do http://blogoscoped.com/archive/2007-11-20n35.html I found it pretty amusing, and believe other readers might as well.

Green GrifďŹ n (I know I am late at sending this in, but, figured I would try anyway)

WASPS: Dismissive, still poor, verbose, witty Joleen and T’neal’s response: Blah blah blah I like to complain.

Blah blah blah, im a winner.

Blah blah blah, I think your wrong and im right.

‌thank god opinions are like ass holes‌ They’re everywhere, and everyone’s got one.

First off, please don’t YELL! So! Much! – I like exclamation points as much as the next person, but shit! A little excessive? I counted 26‌ that’s like 10%.

Thanks (: Secondly, Why would I post my real name in here, if I don’t have to. Shit I wouldn’t want some whacked out crazy (like you) to disagree with something I have said and come looking for me. You academic winner‌ wdf seriously who writes that shit. ‘Im a winner and an exceptional person with something to say worth listening to’.

No.

you mean lots of people hate the under 25 stipulation? ‌ You say it comes down to personal choice and spending. Well perhaps some of us aren’t happy with being forced to unnecessarily downgrade because of the inability of a system to update itself to the current economic situation. Such as rising costs of daily life(petrol, food and the likes) Lol, I like living in a nice house, and being able to spend money. Life is for living not budgeting. Lol, your comment – GET A JOB‌ duh? No shit. Isn’t that what I was complaining about? The fact we are all forced to get low paying shit jobs to append the meagre $150 living cost LOAN.

I don’t care about your life story.

Newsflash.

I was complaining about a bullshit independence/allowance relationship set forth by our govt and Studylink. Mainly that we are tied till 25.

Lol funny thing is, its not just my situation I wrote about‌ im sure there are a lot of students with the same problem? – oh wait,

I think you missed the point, so ill reiterate for you.

If small changes were made to Studylink, life would be easier for the masses (that’s us) – leaving us with more time to drink, smoke, fuck around – and most importantly, STUDY Here’s to another fucked reply, Dr. T

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ISSUE 07

Everyone needs a will Isaac was left a bit of money by his grandmother. After paying his fees, there was a bit over and he wondered what would happen to it if something happened to him and he died.

Actually, if you die without a will, it can take a long time to sort things out and the results may not be what you would wish. It need not cost money to make one and it should be regularly reviewed and updated if necessary.

If you type ‘making a will’ into Google, there are many websites that are helpful.

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 838 4466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB.

Smoking P before writing Lettuce is a bad idea, apparently

countries also have the highest crime rate in the world, and Saudi and Iran have the lowest

Sally, you have some really sad views of Saudi.

It makes me sad that your ignorance and hate,

Sup Bitch (a traditional greeting that you deserve) Am guessing you got raped by some Saudi fella or something that you so pissed of at them, I wont be surprised cuz rape is common. In Waikato alone last year 258 women got raped, that’s only the ones that reported to police. Am guessing you didn’t report and wanna take your anger out here (seeing your language), its ok only 15% people report it anyway. Now if someone gives me the choice to get killed or not drive, I would choose not to drive so would other rational people. Now at least Saudi is not going around the world and killing innocent civilians for money. By the way you are racist because United States and its friends (including our neighbour OZ) are killing innocent people

crime rate in the world. So am guessing not letting people drive is working, and if it stops the crimes in NZ hell we should stop driving too. Anywho am not gonna call you blue moron, ignorant pig, sexist, idiot, or stupidhead but a realist that doesn’t know the reality.

Deal with your anger or have some weed it be good for you cuz you are in NZ drugs are all gooood, unlike Saudi.

PS. Executing child offenders is good isn’t it, atleast in Saudi, Pakistan or Iran people are not raping their own daughters let alone others kids.

Your daddy Gaylord Focker (Via some randomly made-up email address – Ed)

as we speak but you don’t even want to think about it let alone write about it; you would rather talk about a country not letting people drive. To me it seems that taking some ones life is worse then taking someone’s right to drive. Don’t know which planet you come from where it’s the other way around. By the way till today “Coalition Forces” have killed 90,782 innocent civilians (including women, to get your attention in case you are a feminist), China is publically abusing human rights and has killed people in Tibet, and Mr. Mugabe is having a good time in Zimbabwe but that aint important women driving is more important.

Why you forgot them and talked about Saudi’s? hmmm lemme guess cuz lately heaps of them are coming to our uni, I have seen comments like yours against Asians too when they started coming in great numbers. So you are not here to defend women’s human rights you are just here to get your anger out. By the way don’t bother asking me if my facts are right cuz they are right. USA and most western

In my first year whenever I read the Lettuce i wondered who the hell Ed Vos was that everone was complaining about. Then I had the oppourtunity to discover his brilliance last year in summer school and then again hear about everones bitching for A semester. He is the greatest lecture to walk this planet and I’m wondering if he is still around teaching his magic to those young innocent 2nd years?? So far lettuce is nothing like previous years! Stop talking about Caps lock and begin the wonders of how sex relates to finance, and how this great man has changed us all.

blinds you so.

Also, do you have a problem with Muslims [followers of Islam] or the citizens of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Please, define the distinct Hate, you seem to have for either or both.

As for me, I wouldn’t call myself sexist. I was raised in a home surrounded by women, such is the way of Ngapuhi-nui-tonu. What reason would I have to resent women?

Sally, I’m really sorry that you can’t bring yourself to simply accept Saudi Arabia.

Whatever faults it has, Pakeha have dealt a whole lot more to the rest of the world [Yup, I just said Pakeha]. Please, try not to stir up hate. Accept facts for facts. The Kingdom makes a huge contribution to the international stage, in so many ways. Ohh, by the way, if you have such a big problem with Saudi, start BIKING around, coz your petrol, comes from Them. I mean, I wouldn’t want you doing things in half measures, that might expose your inconsistency.

May Allah bless you, and us all with Hidayah[guidance].

Yours sincerely Taufi q AbduShafi a

Ed Vos: WTF?

Sincerly Ed Vos Fan

Straw Man begs the question, ad hominem proof by example.

Dear Editor He patai toku… Me pewhea te Pakeha i korero mo te tukino tangata, mehemea KO ANA TIPUNA kee nga tangata tukino i te Nuinga o te AO? Korero kee au, mo Sally Focker.

Website out of date Hey there, Just thought you might like to know your website is out of date it still has a link to the August 07 Edition Regards Jason McCarthy The Bahama Hut We know. We’re on it. The cheque is in the mail. In fi ve minutes. Okay, I’ve just got to

ISSUE 07

17

Id just like 2 say dat the artument going on between the Saudi fings is interestn Go sally focker 4 standn up and I believe she has some relevant points Hi. Yeah I’m pissed off today. Watd ages 4 the new gran theft auto to come out only to find out the fuckn tree hugging P.C Cunts of NZ and faggot aus, has made them put out a censored version. Fuck! Now I have to wait 4 my dodgy asian rip copy b4 I can steal shit, snort coke, and shoot hookers. ¬Don’t worry. According to IGN.com, they didn’t actually cut much. (See this week’s GTA:R feature for details) I’ve got the censored version of the game and I can assure you that stealing and shooting hookers (and drunk driving, shagging your girlfriend(s), and a host of other antisocial activities) are still defi nitely options. I haven’t got up to snorting coke yet, but I’m sure if you’re desperate you can put white-out on the TV screen and move Niko’s head so he looks like he’s inhaling – Ed. At the supermarket I saw them, all of these scummy people crowding into the aisles like the store was about to run out of food. I would love to see how these people last when all the food does run out. What will they do, I wonder, when their SUV usage contributes to the lack of oil for the container ships which carry us supplies? We may be a first world nation, but we have no ability to totally sustain us. We need America to sustain us and they do it by force feeding us reality shows and bullshit so we get too hooked into the box and don’t have time to pay attention to what it is that America is doing behind our backs. We have people being kidnapped from all over the world and held in secret American military bases around the world so they can be tortured for years without trial or charge.

We KNOW they are doing this! You’d be stupid to think otherwise. Why aren’t we in the streets protesting this fascist world power, crushing all of our liberties and being our best friend with a knife in our front! Oh that’s right, its cold out there and we’re all used to our horrendous fucking air conditioning units, which

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keep us feeling all nice and cozy while mother-fucking Africans are dying from being all hungry and shit on the other side of the world and it’s only hot chicks like Brooke Fraser who give a flying fuck! So lets all run down to the market in our SU bloody Vs and buy! Buy! Buy! Until our bloated bodies float off into space one day while we’re watching whatever horse shit the WB is forcing on us this season!

Oh my God Becky! I hope they have another teen drama where all the actors are

Closing date for applications 3rd June 2008 Coming to your university Career Fair

fucking thirty years old! About how life’s so hard for (fabulously rich) people who live in towns (with no black people) where it never rains except when some local “bad boy” (secretly in love with his step mom) has too much to drink and drives off a cliff during a rain storm! Then all the other “teen” actors and actresses can practice pretending to feel something other than incessant bliss and stupid ideas about what’s important. You’ll never hear any of them say “I’m never voting republican again, not after this Iraqi disaster!”

I’m totally getting some Subway and a Frappicino from Star Bucks! That’s what I’m doing! I’m going to fuck my best friend’s boyfriends little brother in a spa tub,

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which every house has at least one of! Then I’m going to go drink too much cos three beers are all it takes in these fucking shows! Then they’re spewing up and fucking their step dads and all sorts of bullshit! Bloody Hell!

18

ISSUE 07

GTA: I find that a lot of the criticism around us not banning the game is because it’s said ‘children shouldn’t be playing it.’ And my standard reply to that is we have banned it – for children. That’s what R18 means, It has been impossible to avoid the Grand Theft Auto 4 juggernaut rampaging through the news media over the past couple of weeks.

Concerns about the content of the game influencing players – particularly children – have both industry pundits and ban-happy lobby groups leaping aboard the bandwagon as enthusiastically as GTA4’s players line up to virtually “jack” cars.

It’s a good, old-fashioned media feeing frenzy, just like controversies past over comic books, violent movies, “video nasties,” and other, assorted, ready-made talking points. Meanwhile, the game’s publisher and developer, Take-2 Interactive and Rockstar, respectively, are mostly content to sit back, clam up, and lap up the sales.

And what sales they are! In the UK alone, GTA has become the fastest-selling game ever, selling through 600, 000 copies on the first day of release. The game’s opening US takings alone are expected to eclipse the best opening-day tally of the world’s biggest movie blockbuster, Spiderman 3, and may even have knocked previous game champion Halo 3 off the top-seller spot.

World-wide, the game is expected to sell upwards of 6 million copies, netting Rockstar and Take-2 somewhere in the region of $600 million dollars. Total sales for the entire Grand Theft Auto series hover around the 70 million mark, worldwide, putting revenues well into the billions. Games are big business, and GTA is the biggest game of all. No wonder there’s a controversy.

But, ultimately, why is there a controversy over games, in particular? Violent and pornographic material passes public muster every day, piped through our TV screens and sold to us with glossy covers in dairies. Adult content (in the wider meaning of the phrase) is an accepted and expected part of modern society. It’s when video games are branded “adult” that a hue and cry ensues. Why is this?

According to Luke Jacobs, it all comes down to the cliché catch-cry “Oh, won’t somebody please think of the children?”

Jacobs is brown-eyed, dark, and looks like an entirely normal bloke of university age. But his path of study is a bit out of the ordinary. He’s undergoing a Masters in Screen and Media Studies at the University of Waikato, and is writing his thesis on historical representation in video games. His supervisor is Dr Gareth Schott, a pioneering academic researcher into video games and gamer culture. Both assert that games, as a relatively new medium, are considered by an older generation as being literally “child’s play,” and a waste of time – and therefore, suitable only for children. Bring adult content into the mix and it’s easy for lobbyists – or concerned parents – to see games industry as pushing adult content on to children for a cheap buck.

And this is partly the industry’s fault, according to Jacobs.

“The games industry doesn’t

ISSUE 07

19

really help themselves in this regard, most games are churned out for a commercial profit, they are primarily marketed at children, a huge percentage of games are G-Rated. So it’s a very small percentage of games that are actually adult orientated in the way that Grand Theft Auto 4 is. It is true, a lot of games are aimed towards children.”

people who buy these things for Christmas gifts. It’s not checkers, it’s not Monopoly. The same criteria that we use to classify films, dvds, videos, magazines, and stuff on the Internet is used to classify games. If you wouldn’t let your child watch an R18 video, you should not let your child watch an R18 game – and anyway, it’s illegal to let your child do that.”

Jacobs says the primary perception of games being “for kids” hasn’t changed very much because of the kid-centric marketing. “But I think if most people looked at the statistics around gamers, and saw that most of them were older, they have more purchasing power, and there [is a] trend developing where much

The penalties for giving children access to R18 rated material are severe. Three months in prison or a $10, 000 fine is the maximum term for an individual convicted of supplying restricted material to minors. For a retailer, the fine goes up to $25, 000. Rather a lot for a $115 game.

of the industry is geared towards adults.”

It’s a perception that many people, who have matured outside of games culture, are unable or unwilling to embrace. A recent interview with Chief Censor Bill Hastings on Sunrise illustrated this, where an outraged presenter, referring to the “terrible things” that can be done in GTA, says “and we’re talking about children here!”

Hamilton’s Centreplace Mall games retailer, David Emde, knows all about this. He works at EB Games, which has severe rules in place to

Players could re-enact having sex with a prostitute, beating her bloody, taking her money and running her over with a car and shooting at police officers

No, we’re not, Hastings averred calmly.

Children are not meant to play GTA. It’s a point strongly reinforced by the R18 rating New Zealand has slapped on the game.

Grand Theft Auto 4 – and the other GTA games – have all received R18 ratings from the Office of Film and Literature Classification. It’s not child’s play, which is the first thing Hastings pointed out when Nexus called him.

“I find that a lot of the criticism around us not banning the game is because it’s said ‘children shouldn’t be playing it.’ And my standard reply to that is we have banned it – for children.

That’s what R18 means,” he says, sounding like he’s said the same thing a lot over the past couple of weeks. “It’s illegal for anyone to make this game available to anyone under the age of 18, be it retailers, video shops, be it parents in their own home.”

So, just to get it straight, it’s the same rating as pornography?

“Yes,” Hastings says. “The word “game” really misleads aunties, grandparents, parents and

20

ISSUE 07

make sure they don’t break the law by selling the game to anyone underage.

But, he says, people don’t understand the way the ratings system works.

“Yes, we get children coming in [to buy Grand Theft Auto 4,] often with their parents, and there’s not really a whole lot we can do for them. If the parent’s in with the kid, and they’re coming up to the till, it’s pretty obvious what they’re there for, and we can’t sell it to them. If we have knowledge that it’s going to be supplied to someone underage, we don’t sell it.”

It happens quite often, he says. There is a lot of confusion amongst parents about a “game” being rated Adults Only.

“Some just don’t care,” he says. “Or they don’t realise that there are those legal restrictions on it. Many don’t realise it’s the same as movies – they won’t show their kids an R18 movie, but they’ll show them an R18 game.”

It’s a point parents should really take on board, because not only is Grand Theft Auto an enormously popular, highly-rated game, it’s a very violent one – which is, by the creator’s

own admission, aimed exclusively at adults.

The series infamously allows the player-avatar to do such things as kill police, murder any number of “innocent” pedestrians, and solicit prostitutes – and then, if the player feels like it, run them over and take their money back. A particular flap was caused when it was revealed that hacking could open up a unfinished mini-game in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas which would allow the player to have semi-clad sex with a series of girlfriends – or whores. Dubbed “Hot Coffee,” by the media, the content led to Rockstar being involved in a US class-action lawsuit, which it settled for millions.

This, and other factors, have created a worldwide, vociferous anti-violent games lobby, which sees GTA as its biggest and best target – and politicians have proved more than happy to ride the lobby-horse come election time. The anti-games lobby is particularly active in the United States, where calls to ban the GTA and other games have gone as far as Congress. Democratic Presidential nominee Hillary Clinton is no fan of the game, saying it “degrades women.” State legislature attempts to ban the sale of violent video games (usually to minors) have been repeatedly shot down by the Supreme Court, which points to freedomof-speech protections enshrined in the Second Amendment to the US Constitution.

The issue in the US is that, under the Second Amendment, minors may buy the game, which is explicitly marketed and designed as an adult title. The Entertainment Software Rating Board or ESRB rates titles as an advisory system, and retailers selling the game to children break only unspoken laws of ethics. In fact, much of the clamour in the US is over whether it should institute a ratings system which bans the sale of violent games to minors.

Australian gamers face a similar conundrum.

The country lacks an R18 classification for games, and games containing “adult” content are refused classification, which is an effective ban. Rockstar was forced to self-censor GTA4 for its Australian release, trimming mostly sexual content, according to gaming website IGN.com.

But calls to ban the game here are plentiful, and they all too often seem to centre on the perception that all games, including GTA, are for children. Police Superintendent Bill Harrison, national manager of police youth services, was recently quoted in the New Zealand Herald linking a 25 percent rise in violent crime to the launch of the Xbox 360 – and games like GTA. “It was desensitising him to violence,” Harrison said of an unspecified game. “It was shifting his norm about how he would deal with conflict.”

Then there’s perennial pundits Family First, who were swift to call for a total ban.

“Players could re-enact having sex with a prostitute, beating her bloody, taking her money and running her over with a car and shooting at police officers,” Chairman Bob McCoskrie said in a press release.

“It is time we acted to protect our young people and communities from the effects and influences of these extreme types of video games. So-called ‘entertainment’ and freedom of expression should never be at the expense of the safety of our community, appropriate emotional and moral development of our children,” he said. (Nexus contacted BobMcCoskrie for comment on this article, but he did not return calls prior to deadline.)

The calls for banning violent games are not as shrill in New Zealand as they are in, say, the US – although in the week coming up to GTA’s release, you could be forgiven for thinking that the parents of the nation were screaming with one voice for a ban, such was the news media’s attitude. Bill Harrison comes off more as a concerned cop who was also a little confused about the nature of videogames than a genuine pundit.

Family First’s message is more rabid, demanding a total ban on the game. This isn’t surprising, considering a quick scan of its press releases also reveal calls for bans on the TV show Californication, Hell Pizza advertising and a number of billboards, one of which – an advertisement for Prime show Weeds – featured the “horrifying” image of a bag of marijuana..

New Zealand politicians, perhaps eager to replicate their US colleagues’ electioneering

successes, have also been drawn into the debate. Most have studiously avoided comment, but independent MP Gordon Copeland has decided to have a blast on the bandwagon.

“Independent MP Gordon Copeland today confirmed that he would like to see the Grand Theft Auto 4 video game banned in New Zealand,” said a press release from Copeland, who wastes no time in assuming a link between video game and real-life violence, courtesy of (largely discredited) US author David Rossman.

“These (video games) are actually killing simulators and they teach... to kill in much the same way the astronauts on Apollo 11 learned how to fly to the moon,” Copeland quotes Rossman as saying.

The problem with Rossman is that he’s widely derided as a hack in academic circles, who call him out for making his claims with little, no or

I think part of the problem is the word ‘games.’ And I think technology seems to get scarier the older you are. I think these things contribute to the odd perception that games are just for kids,

skewed research to back them up. According to Luke Jacobs, it is “very difficult to link causation to a particular game, or movie, or comic book, or CD,” when it comes to violent behaviour.

“I think when it comes to some games like [specific] military simulators, which the majority of gamers would have no interest in, there is some element of desensitisation going on there, between your task and what’s on-screen.

But these tasks are much more involved than what you’d be doing in GTA4. I think there could be a link, but as of yet, I’ve never read any research that would convince me that there is a link.”

The burden of deciding what children play and view, says Hastings, lies ultimately not with lawmakers, but with parents.

Obviously there will be enforcement issues – the police can’t be everywhere, in the bedrooms and retail counters of the nation – but I think the effective thing here is not fear of being caught, the deterrent is just doing the right thing, which is not letting your kids play an R18 game.”

But, ultimately, Grand Theft Auto 4 is not a game for children. It’s for adults, and the New Zealand legal system reflects this.

“This game was not designed for children. It just wasn’t. It’s clearly aimed at adults, which makes sense as the average age of gamers these days is around 28,” Hastings says, although he agrees that “the notion that videogames are just for children is really hard to disestablish.”

“I think part of the problem is the word ‘games.’ And I think technology seems to get scarier the older you are. I think these things contribute to the odd perception that games are just for kids,” he says. Jacobs agrees.

“Games are complicated,” he says. But, he adds, the world – especially in an academic, or scientific sense – is catching up.

“The beautiful thing is, there is already [serious academic criticism] of games,” he says. “It’s been going on for about ten years now. It’s a movement that took a long time to find a voice within the academic system, but it’s growing.”

He paints a hopeful picture: a new generation rises, weaned and bred on video games, who are far from the zombies the news media tend to portray them as. The gamers he describes play for enjoyment, but also critically evaluate their actions, while appreciating games as a necessary art form.

That’s right; art form. Asked if GTA4 is a “murder simulator or satire,” Hastings laughs.

“It’s interesting you mentioned satire,” he says.

“I actually do see a lot of humor in these. The machismo of the games is so exaggerated, it’s almost like it’s taking the piss out of something like the Sopranos. It’s so overblown, it’s like a 21st century Keystone Cops. Rockstar do know what they’re doing. You can just go anywhere in the environment – it’s so open-ended, it’s almost as broad as the imagination can be, and you’re constantly being amazed by them.”

It’s a fitting sentiment. Hopefully, as time goes by, the perception that games are merely “for children” will vanish as surely as the TV picture does when you switch a game off.

:30 AM starts are never my thing, especially when bedtime the previous night was around one. But as me, my girlfriend, parents, sister, her husband my grandfather Gordon and grandmother Eunice rose to meet the day for the Pukekohe ANZAC service I had no choice but to face the cold of the pitch black morning.

As we stood stamping our feet to keep warm in the morning breeze, I was introduced to number of Gordon’s fellow servicemen and RSA comrades. They stood humbly and cheerfully, medals pinned over sports coats and their Sunday best, awaiting their call to form ranks. My girlfriend was kind enough to lend her services to one grey veteran whose medals had flipped over on his jacket pocket.

“Thanks, I s’pose they should be displayed properly today,” he replied with a smile, that transferred into a few laughs between the guys. I later found out this was a small in-joke about the way some people over react about proper protocols on ANZAC day marches. But his aloof response seemed to come from a place different to that, somewhere that meant these medals earned for valour and bravery was commonplace to a generation.

After plenty of handshakes, laughs and introductions the Sergeant-Major stood and barked “Faaaaaall IN!” Slowly a large crowd of men, some with grey hair, some white, short, hunched, tall, broad and proud made their way to the centre of the road to begin their procession. Again the call came, “FALL IN!” and this time there was no jostling and joking, four long rows were formed and as attention

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was called. Piercing eyes surrounded by pocked flesh stared straight through the onlookers, as these heroes of our past stood straight as a board and those in wheelchairs arched as high as they could.

If a face can hold a map of the world, then think what could be learnt from these hundred or so staring back at me. Japan, the Solomon Islands, Burma, France, Italy, Germany, Belgium, Vietnam, Turkey, Korea, Africa and many other places, these men were sent by their country. To be in the company of those that made it home to get out of bed on cold mornings to stand before us every year was indescribable.

There is something ingrained by these veteran’s military service that never leaves them. It was clear to see this when the call “About FACE!” rang out along the street and these men with replaced hips, ‘buggered’ knees and bad backs all raised their right knee, swivelled to the front and stamped down in perfect unison with a crisp thud that echoed far past the crowd gathered at the cenotaph. Pipes filled the air as these men marched before their succeeding generations, whose existence would be drastically altered or non-existent without their efforts.

After the last post sounded and the final prayers of the service were read, it was time for breakfast. A short walk around the corner to the RSA saw hundreds of friends, family members and returned servicemen cram into the small dining room. The place was already abuzz by the time we arrived, with friends that have known each other three times longer

than I have existed reminiscing, new babies being introduced to great-grandfathers and the smell of rum and warmed milk seeping into everyone’s pores. I asked Pop if he wanted a coffee. He gave me a sideways look and simply replied “beer,” I had never gotten up this early to drink without having stayed up all night and here all these guys were, medals and pins glistening with the rising sun knocking back hard liquor. After a couple of coffees I had a cold dark one myself. Morning beer is awesome.

I gazed around the room at all the faces and spotted one man hunched over a green walker having breakfast with what I presumed was his family. Around twelve medals and a few badges clinked heavily on his chest. He was withered and small and one of his eyes was bloodshot red, I wondered what he would have looked like 60 years ago and what this man did to warrant his awards and how many ANZAC days would it be until his grandchildren marched in his place.

At the service there was talk of living in ‘peace time’ New Zealand. And whilst New Zealand is not currently in direct armed conflict the new generation of soldier was represented by a group of young men with crew cuts enjoying a pint against the far wall of the RSA hall.

I asked Pop what his four medals represented.

Something I had been meaning to find out

for a decade. One was for his services in Japan as member of J Force, one for his services in the territorial forces and another for his involvement with nuclear materials.

The pins on the other side of his jacket breast represented his life membership with the Wellsford RSA and others mementos of veteran get-togethers in New Zealand and overseas.

I had never really talked much to my grandfather, as up until a couple of years ago was a very stoic, closed person. He now seemed to be more open to conversation than I had ever realised. There was a Christmas many years ago where we butted heads about international affairs, especially to do with Africa. I ended up using an insult I definitely shouldn’t have. Something I have regretted to this day. But just the week before we had an easy conversation which ranged from the US primary elections, New Zealand politics and solutions to global warming.

When we got back to my grandparents house, I made the bold decision to make a few more enquiries about his military past. It wasn’t long before a photo album was brought out and photos of troop ships, Japanese soldiers sprayed with DDT, a division of young soldiers on leave in Tokyo, Chevy trucks and old war buddies (that I’m pretty sure even my father had never seen before) were shown to us.

There were also photographs of a man dressed in a World War One era uniform. The name

George Elstone along with his rank, division and brigade was proudly displayed below.

Pop placed an old, weathered finger on the photograph and said “That’s my Dad.” This short sentence caused everyone to freeze for a moment. Gordon had only found out around six years ago exactly who his father was. It was after many years of searching and chance meetings that he found out exactly where his heritage lay. Cousins then became half brothers, second cousins became nephews and nieces and an entirely new family was discovered. It was around this time of finding his family that a change occurred within my grandfather. We talked for a while that morning about family history. “You can ask me anything you like,” he told me. “A few years ago you couldn’t have talked to me about much, but now I’m happy to tell you anything you want to know”.

At around half past ten we drove out to Buckland, near Pukekohe, for the morning service there. The cenotaph there was merely a few hundred metres from where Pop grew up. He talked about what had changed over the last sixty years. In this small community, it was actually very little. A few trees here, a new house there, but the old farm houses and other buildings still stood as they had originally been.

The pipers appeared again to bring the soldiers in and everyone stood in silence once more as they marched pass. At this ceremony in the middle of nowhere, next to a memorial that you could easily miss travelling along the highway were names of the fallen soldiers from

the area. Next to these stood my grandfather, who to the tune of a bugle, solemnly lowered and then raised the flag of our nation.

The mayor of Buckland gave a speech which was interrupted by long, hard swallows and pauses to gain the composure to acknowledge the passing of a veteran, a much loved member of the community who had died just days earlier.

After the ceremony it was back to the photo albums where I was able to see a photo of Pop’s unit in Japan in 1946 and then other photographs of reunions over the years. It saddened me to see the faces of his buddies age and eventually disappear from the photographs. Talk eventually turned back to family. He talked about his sister which he only knew a few years before she passed away.

“I just wish I’d found out sooner, y’know. I finally get to know her and then she died.”

I’m glad that I have known this man my entire life, and that he was able to share his stories with me. The last of the original ANZACs died just a few years ago and with World War Two veterans being lost at the rate of over 1000 per day, it is us that must continue these traditions for those who have gone to hell and back and those who paid the ultimate sacrifice for everything we hold dear.

“We will remember them.”

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Prez Sez It’s been a bit crazy around here and I forgot to say a big congratulations to all the graduates who donned their cap and gown and took that big walk across the Founders Theatre stage or the Marae atea.

As President I get to sit with the official delegation and from there it’s easy to see the looks of relief and excitement about receiving their degrees and finally getting closure on all those years of study.

Most of those graduates are already out there in ‘the real world’ with great jobs that they secured some time last year (think accountants/ lawyers etc) and are sitting pretty with their new found wealth – and probably exhausted from the very un-student-like hours that they have to keep. Others are working towards further qualifications and we look forward to celebrating their achievements again when they complete that work.

As we get to the business end of the semester with assignments due and exams looming closer, make sure you pace yourself and find a happy balance between your social life and your studies. If you think that you need some extra help with your work (not someone to do it for you) go and see your lecturers, tutors, and even TLDU and ask for help. Remember, they can’t help you if you don’t ask – but they probably won’t help you if you ask for help the night before the exam or assignment is due.

Many of you will have noticed that the Village Green has turned into a bit of a ghost town now that the banks, Memento, and STA travel have all moved up to L Block. Don’t forget that Brett’s Dairy is still open, Ali is still selling his famous steak on rice, and the nice guy from Egypt still has the best kebabs on campus. For those of you who are of the vegetarian persuasion you can’t go past Gaura for a cheap and hearty meal (I’ve even seen some meat lovers enjoying some of this fabulous food). And last but by no means least, don’t forget that we’re all still here in the Student Union Building. If you need anything, have any questions, or just wanna chat, come down and say hi.

For those of you who are still partway through your undergrad the message is soldier on… it’s definitely worth it!

The WSU question of the week goes to Sian Smith who in the course of random discussion about creating herself a Bebo “Baby” enquired on how the WSU Hardship Fund was managed.

The Waikato Students’ Union provides a free Advocacy Service for students of Waikato University which is provided independently of the University and puts student’s interests first.

The Advocacy Service aims to help students with whatever concerns they wish to bring forward—including financial problems.

The WSU Hardship Fund is concerned with genuine financial issues that students face.

These issues include but are not limited to medical expenses (e.g. dental costs), emergency situations, and the basic necessities such as rent, power, phone, and food.

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Depending on the severity of the situation, the WSU Hardship Fund can either accommodate students with an approved interest free loan or a grant—the latter particularly relevant for unforeseen emergencies and situations that threatens the wellbeing of a students’ university education.

For more information and answers to your questions simply come to the Waikato Students’ Union and ask for Shannon Kelly, the WSU Advocacy Officer (her contact details are also on the WSU website).

Deni Tokunai International Students’ Director international@wsu.org.nz

NZU Rowing Championships were held at Lake Karapiro on the 19th & 20th April. Waikato – ‘the tribe’ on the water had a team of 16.

The emphasis was to put a men’s & women’s eights on the water & be competetive against favourites Otago. Waikato men were strong in finishing second to Otago, ahead of Canterbury & Auckland. The women finished 4th in their eights race. The two eights then split into men’s & women’s quads, 4’s, pairs & singles with some success mainly Sarah Alexander winning the champ single and bronze in the intermediate quad.

Thanks to Natalie, Matthew, Ross & Paula & WRC for use of the boats. It is hoped to build on the team and have the majority of this year’s team of the rowers available for the ‘Great Race’ in September and able to row for Waikato in the 2009 NZU Rowing Championships at Wanganui.

Think you’re being treated unfairly? See the WSU! The WSU: Sorting out power-trippers since 2002

By Whetu

Eduwhets 08 here. I hold the education portfolio in the WSU and the following scenario is an example of the type of stuff I do for students.

Johnny, a first year student, attends his tutorial and is advised by the

I spoke to the paper convenor about the whole situation and he fittingly rectified the situation without fuss.

tutor that on Easter Tuesday (an official Uni closed day) they would be holding their tut as per usual. The students are also advised that if they decided not to attend that particular tut it would be ‘OK’ because they would only loose one of their two lives for not attending a tut without an excuse (some papers only allow students 2 miss two tuts without excuse and if you miss more than 2 tuts without a verifiable excuse you start losing internal grades).

a power trip, overbearing or just a bit over the top. If you have problems like this situation above first contact your class rep in that paper. If you don’t have a student rep or you don’t think your situation has been properly rectified then come see us at the WSU office; up the corridor from Student Job Search (SJS) above the uni chemist. We can and advocate on your behalf, that’s our core business!

‘Least we forget’…how can we, it’s a public holiday and before all you haters start to fire e-mails about me being insensitive, I served in the “Senior Service” unlike Whetu who did his time as a ninja turtle carrying his home on his back in the Army.

Anyway this ANZAC day I had the honour of placing the WSU wreath at the dawn ceremony. It is important that we do these things as everyone

has a connection with either ex-servicemen/women or currently serving personnel.

ANZAC day is not just about remembering what has happened but is an opportunity to appreciate what our Armed Forces do for us disaster relief, search and rescue both on land and at sea and Peacekeeping.

In your Uni life you may encounter tutors, lecturers or administrators on

Varsity Sports Results

By AJ Hey troops, AJ reporting at your service. Hopefully you read my review article last week about the University Games 2008 in Rotorua, good times were had by all and I am pleased to say none of the Tribe got locked up or kicked out of their accommodation for that matter.

Anyway, as I am the WSU Sport and Recreation Officer I thought I would do something a little extra and provide the students from the almighty chang’ the low-down of the University’s sport team’s results from the weekend’s games.

Unicol Soccer Mens 1sts 2nds D1 D2 Womens B1 B2

lost 2-3 against Matamata lost 4-2 against Hamilton North won 3-1 against Unicol D2 lost 1-3 against Unicol D1 won 4-3 against Morrinsville drew 1-1 with Taumarunui

Games from Friday 25th April and Saturday 26th April Varsity Rugby Premiers won 33-19 against Te Rapa Reserves lost 29-33 against Te Rapa U85s

won 21-10 against Hautapu (undefeated this season)

If there are any scores from Netball teams and Hockey teams or any other University sports teams it would be wicked if you could get those to me. AJ on 027 632 2769 or email me at aj45@students.waikato. ac.nz.

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DATES: 3pm Friday 16th – 5pm Saturday 17th May COST:

35 Register at the WSU

reception desk by 9th May

Enjoy a real New Zealand cultural experience. Stay for one night at a Marae in Rotorua, enjoying traditional food, workshops, and activities while making new friends and experiencing a taste of Maori culture.

Send notices to nexus@waikato.ac.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Try and keep ‘em under 75 words. We will not accept handwritten or non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta. Oh, and we hear that personals ads work terrifyingly well, so give that a go as well – fun for everyone involved.

Random Stuff

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All management students now have there own bebo page! pick up hot chicks off it and share tutorial answers! just go to http://www.bebo.com/BMSRepresenT and join the revolution!

Where are all the Askew people at? Come join us Wed 1-2 at the QueerSpace in the Cowshed, next to the Student Union building.

We’re a friendly bunch and would love to see some new faces! :) LOOKN FOR A NICE ROOM IN A NICE HOUSE TO RENT 4 ONCE? Cheap as Room, In a Beaut Sexy House. F/F Big Yard, Elevated House In Aurora Tc. V. Peaceful. We have fish too. Big trees, vege garden, V. private, two decks.

Any Animal OK. HUGE Storage, 2 Gge, Study, home gym with treadmill etc. 2 outdoor parking.

2 bthrms, shower, bath. Prfct home to suit the “non-grungy” kind. We would love to have you =) call 0211317943. or 8583367 or email lb51@ students.waikato.ac.nz. Be quick!

Closest Flat To Uni Ever!

Located on Hillcrest Road Rent $95.00 + exp To share with 2 guys & a girl (proffesionals/ students) Contact: 027 4283486

On Wednesday May 7th Nandor invites students to talk on a personal level at Momento 2pm following his Tipping Point talk in S107 Topics can be Politics, The Environment, Religion, or just general dicussion.

WHAT: Fair Trade Fortnight: WHEN: 10 May-5 June WHERE: Trade Aid Hamilton, 104 Alexandra WHAT: Instore exhibition: Students from Te Wananga O Aotearoa Huntly Campus providing woven artworks combining harakeke [flax] & recycled items.

WANTED one new Flatmate to make up the 6th person. Less than 5min walk on Hillcrest rd. Very big and spacious 2 storey house and rooms. large back lawn, the perfect flat for a student. $85 rent + extras! contact craig on 0273534909 or email cmjr1@waikato.ac.nz.

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Our Not-So-Free Trade Deal with China The “free trade” agreement with the Peoples Republic of China, which is already signed and soon to be ratified by the New Zealand parliament, is not free as far as New Zealanders should be concerned. Not only is the agreement mislabelled—it fails to achieve free trade in an economic sense—but it certainly did not come for free, requiring great taxpayer expense and a sacrifice of our moral integrity.

The title of the agreement asserts that its contents bring about free or at least freer trade; the natural inference being that opponents must be anti-free trade and supporters must be pro-free trade. Regrettably, this logic is circulating within public debate virtually unchallenged. However, the inferred false dichotomy fails to grasp the range of perspectives and the complexity surrounding the issue, and it is about as brainless as the George Bush doctrine of “either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists.”

Free trade is the absence of impediments such as quotas, subsidies, tariffs, and all the politically convenient laws that prevent gains from trade and create perverse incentives by discriminating across industries.

If nations sought to promote free trade, they would repeal all such laws, and they would not wait around for other nations. However, rather than simply repealing impediments to trade, the New Zealand and Chinese governments have signed a document of almost a thousand pages, about as many as the Bible, with a majority of the pages outlining timeframes and regulations on an industry-specific basis. Sure, tariffs may be receding, but in general this “free trade” agreement is only creating more bureaucracy and entrenching industry favouritism.

If this agreement had been about free trade, virtually all of the taxpayer expense could have been saved. The three years and fifteen rounds of useless negotiations would not have been needed, and let’s not even imagine the cost of all the diplomats, consultants, lawyers, translators, and the whole plethora of officials entailed in the process. To show just how concerned they are about preserving our trust and saving taxpayer dollars, our government flew one hundred and fifty politicians and businesspeople over to Beijing to watch Phil Goff sign a bit of paper and to share in a good old get-together with the Chinese Communist party.

Of course, Helen Clark did promise to bring up China’s human rights record—in between the cocktails.

Perhaps we are not so concerned about the deal’s economic outcomes or the taxpayer expense. China is, after all, a rising world power, and,

as a small nation, we do well to stay on their good side and take a pragmatic approach to international relations. This line of reasoning does not account for the fact that the US is in conflict with China, and we could just as easily side with them for national defence purposes; but, forgetting the US for the moment, who are we snuggling up to, and for how long are we willing to turn a blind eye to her domestic issues? Let’s be honest, China is a one-party communist regime, and its claim to sovereignty is still disputed by the now multi-party democratic government that fled to Taiwan in 1949. The Chinese government is so oppressive and audacious that in 1989 at Tiananmen Square, right where Mao Zedong established the Peoples Republic only forty years earlier, they responded to protests by bringing in the military, tanks and all, and murdering hundreds (if not thousands) of civilians. Oh yeah, they really care about the people.

Similar tyrannical measures continue to this day, most notably in Tibet, where monks and nuns have been beaten and tortured to death for shouting slogans that are out of favour with the communist regime (who needs censorship laws with that sort of intimidation?). But, regardless of how bad things are domestically, the Chinese regime continues to receive favours from developed nations and still has veto power within the Security Council of the United Nations. The democratic government in Taiwan, on the other hand, which still proclaims itself to be the legitimate ruler of China, has been booted out of the UN and our government does not even recognize its existence with diplomatic relations. Such arbitrary and unethical treatment just goes to show how cheap the talk of our leaders really is when they express concern for human rights.

This supposed “free trade” agreement fails to live up its name—titled deceptively for political expedience—but perhaps of greater importance than the economic outcomes is the moral precedent we are setting by getting into bed with China. By signing and ratifying this agreement we are declaring to the world that we are willing to tolerate the brutality and ruthlessness of the communist regime.

Fergus Hodgson has a B.A. in economics from Boston University. He currently studies political science and tutors macroeconomics here at the University of Waikato. Feedback is welcome at fl h2@students.waikato. ac.nz.

STUDENTS – COULD YOU BE DUE A TAX REFUND? Let us see if we can help you get some tax back.

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Phone Karen Houchen on 0800 TAX REFUNDS, complete an authorization form and let us do the rest

ISSUE 07

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On Being Awesome So right now it’s Thursday, I have a test tomorrow (which I am yet to study for), this column was due on Tuesday, (Actually Monday – Ed) I have class but have no idea where my books are or where I’m going to attain writing material, I haven’t had a chance to shower since yesterday and I’m broke. Some people might consider this a less than ideal situation (probably those who are forced to sit next to me), I on the other hand will take this opportunity to be awesome.

Since I don’t have a particular topic today, this article will be based on tips about living more like me…awesomely.

Tips for living like me: Firstly and probably most importantly is, surround yourself with awesome people.

I hang out with some real awesome people (you probably know who you are, if you’re reading this…otherwise you’re all wanknuts).

If you have awesome friends, awesome things will just happen to you. Word of warning though, I don’t mean awesome like your premature ejaculation will be fixed (I wish *sigh*).

Secondly, actively seek out awesome situations.

No matter what your mum says, you aren’t always cool. If you do nothing more than sit in your room cataloguing internet fetishes and their effect on your jackin’ times… no one will think you are cool (although if you do, I wanna see the list – 021 356 241). But if you happen to be a person who happens to do fun shit, you will be awesome. So next time you’re not – awesome try to awesome up your day with these ideas: brew beer in your closet, drive to somewhere far away for something you don’t need the night before a lot of class (Denny’s in Auckland, at 11:45pm), steal your favorite items of clothing from other people’s wardrobes, suit up or strip poker (hasn’t happened recently, but maybe after everyone reads this …).

Thirdly, make the conscious decision to be awesome.

I am a creature of weak will, depressingly low self-confidence, a tendency to be slightly paranoid in social situations and although I have never truly had sex with myself, making it difficult to judge, I dare say that I am not quite the industrial sex machine that I claim to be. This may confuse some of you, as it is well known that I’m orgasimacally awesome.

The reason for this is one day I woke up and decided to stop being a bitch and start being awesome. It might sound stupid, but it worked for me…well at least in my mind.

I guess all I done here was give you three paragraphs in a slightly wanky (and hopefully at least a little funny) fashion. Let’s hope you were as entertained reading it as I was mentally undressing people next to me when I wrote it… which is a lot, like seven and a half inches of fun.

Oh, and as per request: P.S. Emily and Amanda are really cool/funny/ hygienic.

T’was a night of great consumption, when I summoned up the gumption, To hone my bone on my very own lonely Hamiltonian whore, Her milky breasts had woo’d me, thus I silkenly and smoothly, Suggested somewhat rudely, that we moan upon the fl oor.

She lay down prone once I had shown my rigid 1-foot-four, And so we boned ‘til we were sore.

Proof was demanded of me that it is possible to have a romantic and poetic night involving whores, Edgar Allen Poe, and Hamiltron: City of the Future; so to Sarah from C-block and to the lovely lass from Axcess, there is the proof.

Any other bizarre requests can be emailed to Nexus.

You might have noticed a lot of Grand Theft Auto-y stuff in this mag, so I’ll stay away from that, but it did bring something else to

mind that is actually relevant. The other day Joshitor (Josh the Editor) asked me to ask the Magic 8-Ball a question, so I asked if there was a pattern behind the number of teenagers showing up dead in rivers. Apparently it was a little too soon to touch on that, but that just made me think (and say) “When is it too soon to say what the fuck, why are people dying everywhere and no-one is doing anything?”

The newspeople are happy to give time to a videogame yet a whole bunch of unsolved murders and a three-time rapist still at large in Hamilton go unattended because it’s old news. If the world was just, the people in charge of the police policy to harass motorists, abuse liquor-licensees and chase drug-dealers would get robbed, have their houses tagged, get raped three times, have their dairy robbed and their Indian son beaten, and then wake up dead in the river. Then, Voltron would come and we would have a dancing competition and

he’d win – but not by much – and then he’d invite me back to his place for parties.

I realise the police have proof that P-dealers shoot rockets from their eyes and have laserbreath and power their P-machines with children’s tears, but wouldn’t it be nice to go back to being a country where a non-fatal stabbing made national headlines for a couple of nights? Sounds like a pipe dream, but fuck me if it wasn’t only 6 years ago when murders were bad.

Maybe the cops could take a lesson from Grand Theft Auto. As broken as the law is, if someone fucks with the rights it protects they should forfeit their own rights. Anyone who bitches about the way the police do their jobs (once they start doing them properly) should be disconnected from the 111 service. I’d make a public retraction of my above bitching if I could sleep with a guarantee that the next person who tried to rob my house would get their skull kicked in by a police-issue boot.

By Kirill

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Or: What I did on my holiday Fuck what a weekend! Four nights in a row of gigs. If I wrote a gig review for each one we could have a whole magazine by itself – so apologies to the bands involved but this has to be a column. The first was Korn on Thursday. We completely missed Chimera, the whole reason for me going, as they played at 7.30! What band starts at 7.30 besides Simon & Garfunkel? The Korn mosh pit was crazy. I’ve never been beaten up by so many 13 year old girls in my life. I was head butted, punched in the balls and even bitten as hordes of girls tried to get to Jon Davis, a man who has “HIV” tattooed on his shoulder …oh well, who am I to judge? Friday was El Schlong, World War 4 & Congaline. World War 4 was as solid as always, but El Schlong are now one of my favourite Kiwi bands. Like a metallic Pink Floyd or even like a NZ version of Tool (funny given their names, penis references?)

Friday was the Auckland Metal Fest. Eleven hours of Heavy Metal at Powerstation with huge performances from a range of awesome bands.

Like Just One Fix, Cripple Mr Onion (Terry Pratchett reference?), Human and so many others. Sunday was The Berzerker with State of Integrity, Blacktooth, Bloodletting, Coffee Rage and Every Man for Himself.

I started the evening seeking a beer with very wasted former DIC

I think it’s time for me to actually do some work, so I’ve been watching the news.

There’s this Austrian bloke, Josef Fritzl, who (as I’m sure many of you are aware) has fathered seven of his own grandchildren, and held his daughter and her children captive in a basement somewhere for longer than I’ve been alive. I don’t intend on going too far into detail, as that’s not what I’m here for.

Far from detail, let alone the facts, I want to delve into the realm of bizarre theories, and wild speculation. First and foremost, this Fritzl character bears a striking resemblance to Jim Carrey’s depiction of the Grinch. I point out that in addition to his appearance, he’s done things that take away a child’s innocence, and ruin their childhood.

Stealing Christmas, holding

drummer Maka, complete with woolen beanie and aviators he staggered into Fox and Hound with me, we bought a beer and then almost got kicked out cause he was singing Mr Crowley at the top of his lungs. Not one that the oldies having an evening Guinness appreciated! Blacktooth and Bloodletting were as awesome as they always are – great to see Blacktooth performing again, especially in their first performance with a new drummer. Also great to hear was my favourite Bloodletting song Chainsaw. State of Integrity was awesome too, especially as they were selling their own range of G-strings for the Boganettes in our lives! But The Berzerker had to be seen to be believed. Industrial Death Metal, moshing ensued, crowd surfing – utterly amazing. Trying to mosh to a song that’s 260bpm is hard work but the crowd did well!

The moral of this story is SUPPORT KIWI METAL! There’s so much cool shit going on that you really should keep an eye out. During Kiwi music month we’re going to be playing 100% kiwi music on the radio show so check out Metal Worx, Thursday nights 9pm 89fm or www.backbeat. co.nz. Also check out the photos of stuff you’ve missed (and hopefully some vids soon) at www.bebo.com/metalworxradio and drop us a line!

Okay, exhale.

people captive for near a quarter of a century, it’s all relative.

Enough talk about kidnappers and incest, those kids are going to have a hard life.

Primarily, in my humble opinion, because they haven’t ever seen sunlight. Thanks a bunch Josef, you’ve spawned a six-man squad of World of Warcraft players. Ordinarily, I have no problem with families sharing common interests, or people who enjoy MMORPG’s.

For those who don’t yet know, this stands for “Many Men Online Role Playing as Girls.” I do have a problem, however, with a bunch of kids playing online games, who clog up my internets with their jibba-jabba about daddy issues.

So that’s pretty much my point for this week.

If I’m on the web, trying to derive inspiration for next week’s article, and a page doesn’t

load for twenty minutes, I blame Josef Fritzl.

If you, the reader, are trying desperately to send me fan mail, but your Gmail won’t load up, blame Josef Fritzl. Austria, as a country, is great. They brought us The Governator, they gave us Joseph Haydn, and um, Red Bull.

It’s people like this guy however, that bring countries to the attention of the media, and not in the cool, “A New Zealand biochemist has cured cancer,” way.

But I suppose all countries have their bad eggs, don’t they? Someone had to start the sheep shagging rumour, or the whole “Oh, an Irishman, I bet he’s a drinker…” I say we round up the idiots who go around giving their homelands a bad name, and put them in the corner of a round room.

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Dear Agony Art I’ve started dating a girl again, having gone out with her years ago. The sex is great, so my question isn’t really about that. My problem is that four years ago she had a shaven haven and now she’s got the Grizzly Pants from Hell. Sorry to be so frank, I just have no other way to explain just how crazy hairy it’s got down there. What should I do to deal with this problem of mine?

Kristopher Slyguy Dear Mr Slyguy It’s not uncommon for men of our generation to be afraid of female pubic hair. After all, most of the first girls we ran off a few knuckle children over had shaven pubic areas. Most girls these days have felt the need to shave their pubes off to impress men, less they be seen as unclean by men. Ladies, I have one thing to say to this thought: bullshit.

The only thing that looks more unclean than pubes is a barren wasteland punctuated by ingrown hairs, rashes and scabs from jobs poorly done.

Also, something to think about when musing on the qualities of pubic hair is this: hair can be made to smell a lot nicer than skin and easier.

Aromas like perfume or cologne will stick to hair easier than to bald,

possibly scabby flesh. A well shampooed and conditioned patch of hair above the oyster wallet is a breath of fresh air when you compare it to the natural (but still gross) odour which normally emanates from the clam ditch. Be thankful that your girl has got some hair down there, because all it takes is a little bit of shampoo to turn a stinky sex pit into a delicate, hairy rose.

Dear Agony Art I’m not an old man, but I’m definitely not young, having just recently broached the 40 year old mark. What I want from you are some tips on how to pick up university girls. I’m so lonely… and they’re so sexy!

Jon Who Eats Placenta (for real) Well, Jon Who Eats Placenta, have you tried talking to women your own age? I know it might seem a little difficult, due to most of them being married. This is because they didn’t spend their younger years jumping from partner to partner and are now happily settled and have children in the age group you yourself are now targeting. I think I speak for many of the young girls of Waikato when I say this: “Fuck off, you creepy old bastard”

LECTERN With Claire Breen In a society that is increasingly concerned with rising levels of violence, it is rather incongruous to criticise individuals who suggest that raising children need not, and should not, include the use of physical discipline.

In many other contexts, when one person hits another it constitutes a criminal offence.

The amendment to section 59 of the Crimes Act 1961 (“the antismacking law” as some like to call it) goes some way to reassessing our attitudes towards violence both within our society in general and within our families in particular. It serves to render more equal the law must deal with the use of physical force within the family unit. For example, if a husband hits his wife in order to stop behaviour that he does not like, that act is illegal. Thanks to the amendment to section 59, if that same man then turns around and hits their child because the child was behaving in a manner that he did not like, there is a greater likelihood that the second act of hitting the child may be treated the same as the first act of hitting the wife, i.e, as a criminal act.

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Many individuals have sought to dismiss the call for equality of protection as an undue interference in the rights of parents to raise their children as they see fit. Children are different to adults because of their physical and mental immaturity and, in the main, they behave differently. Some argue that children are unable to reason whereas it is more accurate to say that children’s reasoning is simply different to adults. Many parents seek the right and the power to respond to this immaturity, to this difference, by way of the use of physical discipline, Yet if the distinction is simply based on a difference on the ability to reason, why do we not hit those adults incapable of reason? Why do we not hit the individual whose reasoning differs from our own? The reason is because it is illegal.

In a society that is increasingly concerned with rising levels of violence, the extension of the law to protect some of our most vulnerable members of society is to be welcomed.

GTA series has a story. There are scores of characters with histories, friendships, and varying degrees of moral degradation, and it is worth

Grand Theft Auto 4 Review Flash Medallion I went and picked up GTA4 at midnight from EB Games on Monday when it was released, and basically stopped playing it about 3 hours ago because I had an 8am lab and I’d already missed enough classes this week. It’s pretty damned awesome. This is supposed to be a review, but I’m not really going to review it that much because anyone who knows about the game knows it was expected to be Game of the Year material, so all you need to know if you haven’t played it is that it delivers.

Instead I thought I’d put my two cents in about the whole anti-GTA violence carnival, after having played the new game.

At the eye of the shitstorm centred on GTA are the allegations that it promotes and glorifies violence, profanity, drug culture, reckless driving, degradation of women, and running down cops with a truck, amongst other things. These claims seem to be coming from people who’ve never played the game. Sure, they’ve seen videos of it or watched their kids giggle with murderous glee, but what this deprives these commentators of is context. Now obviously these various acts aren’t exactly excusable by any means, but it pays to bear in mind that

noting that next to nobody gets away clean. Drugs in particular get a very dark treatment; in the 20 year history that’s been built up in the series, countless would-be big-time criminals and well-meaning accomplices have fallen on the wayside due to drug involvement, usually from getting high on their own supply, and always landing the player controlled protagonist (who is unfailingly anti-drugs) in serious shit.

Similar themes are played out for greed, revenge, money, and so on.

What I’m getting to is that GTA4 takes this even further.

The underlying tension in the game comes from (main character) Nico’s relationship with his cousin Roman: Nico’s self-sacrificing efforts to help Roman and bail him out of trouble are constantly thwarted by Roman’s crippling gambling addiction which is constantly landing him in greater and greater trouble with gangs and mobsters. Nico’s desire to leave his old life of crime behind is at direct odds with his only means of making enough money to start anew. Pot-smoking rastas, steroid-addicted whiteboys, crack-dealing homeboys and wannabe players in over their heads are played for laughs as we meet them, then the odd dark moment as we get to know them, and finally played dead straight as their chosen path is realistically (and soberingly) taken to its logical - selfdestructive - conclusion.

GTA is also renowned for its multi-layered social satire, and it comes as no surprise that lawyers, politicians, soccer moms, feminists and bigots rage against it once again, because this round not only hits the social nail on the head, it drives it scandalously close to the truth. music, which as I’ve previously mentioned is a big deal. Not that you want to actually listen to the music though; the biggest problem is that the two ladies pretty much just stood at the counter, which is well within earshot of any given conversation in the matchbox sized café.

“Coffee is the life blood that drives the dreams of champions” - in the wise words of Mike Ditka. Problem here is, as those of us who went to school in the early 90s know, we are all champions. What you want to know now is, how do I become a better champion than the dude sitting next to me? Well, I’ll tell you – drink good coffee. Therefore, when I go out for coffee, I expect to a) get my money’s worth and b) feel like a champion. This week, unfortunately, I got neither.

As most of you may have noticed, in my first review I said that I would be reviewing River Kitchen last week, but then I didn’t, and I’ll tell you why, because it looked really unexciting. I stood outside and it didn’t pull me in, it didn’t have a hook…it just didn’t do ‘IT’ for me. But, being a man of my word, I decided to give them a second chance this week, and went in anyway.

There seemed to be a really good range of food and drink available; sweet and savoury; and hot and cold; although there was a mysterious lack of coffee flavorings, which a lot of people rate highly in their latte.

We got a coffee, a herbal tea and also a muffin to share. The muffin was $5 on its own, which, in my opinion, is way too expensive, and the coffee and herbal tea came to about a $8.50. There was also no ambient

My other big gripe is that this was a particularly cold Thursday morning, and someone thought it would be a super idea to leave the doors and windows open, which pretty much make up the entirety of the front wall. And so, the place was cold, not freezing, but that sorta cold where all your hairs on your arms and legs stand up, making me an unhappy camper.

All that aside, the coffee came out in a timely manner, and was actually really good (NB: I like my coffee strong, and if you prefer a more mellow taste, you may not be so keen) as was the muffin, but it was just a little too late for River Kitchen, unfortunately the atmosphere was terrible.

So Scores for this Week: Service 7/10 Food 8/10 Coffee 7.5/10 Atmosphere 2/10 River Kitchen scoring an average 24.5/40 this week. In my opnion it is just another generic café, with a severe lack of character. In a city where there is such a diverse range of cafes, I would recommend going somewhere that will make you feel like you got your money’s worth.

Rock On Champions, Thunder McLOUD!

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Title: Before I Die Author: Jenny Downham Publisher: Random House $36.99 Reviewed by Kelly Badman Have your tissues ready when you pick up Jenny Downham’s fantastic debut novel Before I Die. It is the heartbreaking yet joyous story of a teenage girl, Tessa who begins making a list of things she wants to do before she dies; kiss a boy, have sex, fall in love, shoplift, try drugs, get drunk, spend a whole day saying yes to everything.

The only problem is time is fast running out.

Tessa is dying.

So with just months to live as her cancer filled body slowly shuts down, Tessa realises her life

will be over before it really begins and thus, starts stubbornly ticking off her to do list - even if it will kill her quicker. And in the process, she discovers her identity and sense of self and all told in a remarkably uplifting, touching and soul stirring manner.

Don’t let the fact that the book is marketed as young adult fiction put you off. I left my teenage years behind quite a while ago now yet I loved every bit of this novel. I laughed out loud at and with Tessa, I tisked at her rebellious behaviour, I cringed at her squirm worthy embarrassing moments, I felt her resoluteness at the endless hospital trips, needles and

nurses, and boy, I cried when she cried. Any book that can provoke such strong reactions in its reader is a definite winner, no matter what the publishers decide the target audience should be.

THE TRIAL OF COLONEL SWEETO AND OTHER STORIES: A COLLECTION OF THE COMIC STRIPS OF THE PERRY BIBLE FELLOWSHIP

By Nicolas Gurewitch Reviewed by Joshua Drummond Prepare to laugh until you cry and snot comes out your nose, and then prepare for your friends to do the same when you show them this book. If this sounds unpleasant, it’s not.

The ridiculously-titled (don’t let it put you off) “THE TRIAL OF COLONEL SWEETO AND OTHER STORIES: A COLLECTION OF THE COMIC STRIPS OF THE PERRY BIBLE FELLOWSHIP” is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a very long time. I was already familiar with Nicolas’ webcomic before I read the print version, but I found going through the strips for the second time just as hilarious – perhaps more – than the first time on the internet.

TTOCSAOS: ACOTSOTPBF, as I probably shouldn’t refer to it for short, is not for the fainthearted. As you might be able to tell from the hint of blasphemy in the name “Perry Bible 3

ISSUE 07

Fellowship,” this series contains only the most pitch-black, off-kilter humour I’ve ever seen in a comic. Some strips are genuinely disgusting, which makes them even funnier, but they are all very, very smart. This is a comic for clever people. If you’re a clever person you probably won’t be offended by that statement, but if you’re the sort of person who says “I don’t get it,” about a Garfield strip, steer clear of this book. Everyone else – and seeing as I’m writing to a university audience, this is hopefully all of you – should absolutely buy this wonderful, beautifully presented, very comic book. It’s available now at Mark One Comics.

We’ve also got one to give away!

Simply email Nexus (nexus@waikato. ac.nz) with the darkest joke(s) you know, and we’ll pick a winner. (We’ll also print the best ones.)

With Dr Richard Swainson To many a young film goer Charlton Heston might only be the crazy old man at the end of Michael Moore’s documentary on gun culture, “Bowling for Columbine”. Ambushed

by Moore’s guerilla tactics, unprepared for a barrage of questions pertaining to his role as head of the notorious National Rifle Association and an interviewer who refused to show deference to his super star status, he was cruelly exposed. Contemporary cinema has offered few more poignant images than that of a stooped Heston, hobbling off in retreat after being bested in debate by the type of smug ‘liberal’ that he could have eaten for breakfast in his prime. It plays like a sad parody of a conventional Hollywood fadeout. An American icon is deconstructed before our eyes.

It has never been established whether Heston was then already suffering from the

By Art Focker

Sydney White Starring: Amanda Bynes

I’ve seen a lot of films that fell out of America following Animal House. Most of you reading this have also: American Pie (all six of them), Sorority Boys, Accepted and so on. The list is endless, with most of them these days going straight to DVD. Going straight to DVD is what Sydney White should have done. It’s a retelling of the Snow White fairy tale, only the palace is an elite sorority house, the evil stepmother is the house president and the seven dwarves

Alzheimer’s disease that effectively ended his career soon after. Much like his old buddy Ronald Reagan Heston’s utterances and actions could be read as ‘mad’ by his political opponents long before he was clinically diagnosed as such. The catch phrase that he was best known for in later years, a bizarre bit of rhetoric that talked of how the gun control lobby would have to wrestle weaponry from his “cold dead hands” if it wanted to mess with his constitutional rights, points to the way he conflated his screen roles with his real life political persona.

Heston the actor and the movie star deserves to be remembered for a lot more than this.

Hollywood’s most celebrated action set piece, the film’s chariot race.

If later epics like “The Agony and the Ectasy” and “55 Days at Peking” lacked the dramatic weight or box office success of his early work it was no fault of Heston’s. He demonstrated his range in westerns like “The Big Country” (stealing the film from Gregory Peck) , “Major Dundee” and the cult “Will Penny” before finding a niche in the cycle of late 1960s/ early 1970s science fiction. “Planet of the Apes”, despite or perhaps because of the melodramatic overplaying of its closing scene, became a defining role.

No performer dominated the epic like he did, balancing an always appropriate sense of his character’s grandeur with the real and the intimate. Two roles for Cecil B de Mille, a circus ring leader in the all star best picture winner, “The Greatest Show on Earth”, and Moses in “The Ten Commandments”, established his credentials. A richly deserved Oscar in “Ben Hur” made him immortal.

Heston is equally impressive in quiet scenes of anguish, struggling to come to terms with his family’s leprosy, as he is at the centre of

Heston’s most significant contribution to the medium may well have been his insistence that Orson Welles be hired as the director of “Touch of Evil”. This afforded him a brilliantly written and nuanced part in a genuine masterpiece.

Perhaps there is a certain irony in the fact that this most WASPish of political personalities is cast as a liberal Mexican policeman, but Heston would not have seen that way. Whatever the flag waving, gun toting insanities of his dotage, he marched with Martin Luther King when it counted and was always quick to remind the world of such.

are replaced with seven dorks. Unless you’re fourteen and think Amanda Bynes is ‘just so totally awesome and y’know’, you won’t be going to see this film in a hurry.

and you’ve got a very unsatisfying love story.

Oh, he’s a rich boy who spends his time off feeding the homeless? Get a life!

The big stumbling block this film runs into is when it tries to make a film set in an American college family friendly. So say goodbye to all the sex jokes, any brief flashes of nudity, all of the swearing and pretty much all of the drinking (however, when alcohol is drunk it’s a magic alcohol that turns people sleepy inasmuch as it has any effect at all), leaving the viewer with a hollow feeling. Watching Sydney White is like eating an imaginary pie: fun for kids, but stupid and unfulfilling for anyone with qualifications above Fifth Form.

The love interest (the imaginatively named Edward Prince) plays like more of a stalker than a crush and is also obviously not 19. In fact, Wikipedia.com tells me he’s almost thirty. Add to this Amanda Bynes’ cheap rip off of Lindsey Lohan in Mean Girls with the verbal diarrhoea

The killing blow in this film, delivered painstakingly over the final half hour or so, is the vomit-laden whirlwinds of feel good vibes, which come screaming out of the screen and make everyone feel really ace about being white and American. I had to fight my urge to just walk out as wave after wave of attractive woman threw themselves at the seven dorks.

These guys aren’t just dorks, they’re outright disgusting to the eye. Just because you put a hair iron through your hair doesn’t mean you are now attractive to the Barbie clones swarming around your local university.

Pretty much the only reason to go see this film is so you can play a very long, very tedious game of spot the minority.

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Zurich is stained and it’s not my fault Every now and again in a young man’s life, there rises the irrepressible need to listen to music that is loud and heavy, where the vocals are equal parts percussion and melody, the lyrical themes are violent and destructive in nature, and the amalgam of these ingredients inside the listener’s ear reflect and resonate an unnameable burning within.

Thankfully there are whole genres dedicated to the uncontrollably angry young man in all of us. Yes, like all other categories of music, there is a lot of mud to crawl through to get to the life-invigorating phonic springs, but in the overflowing heavy metal fountain we have masters such as TOOL, Pantera and Sepultura to thank for keeping our thirst quenched.

Cavalera Conspiracy features members from two out of three of the above mentioned legends of metal and almost makes you feel a little ripped off that a vocal line couldn’t be given to Maynard Keenan to make a truly perfect

supergroup circle complete. In any case you can hear Rex Brown’s (Pantera) bass on “Ultra Violent”, and for the main part you get the Cavalera brothers back together again for the first time in 12 years! along with Max’s fellow Soulfly guitarist Marc Rizzo and Joe Duplantier (Gojira) keeping time to Igor’s kick patterns. The album is called Infl ikted and if you’re hanging out for a wallop around the ears and a good ol fashion head bang and air guitar sesh in yer living room, this is required radio.

Meanwhile, on the local gig front don’t forget to check out the guide (on page 38) for your entertainment options and might I recommend lending your ears to Pete Fountain this Friday night (May 9). Stroll on down to La Commune order some of their tasty fries and your choice of poison to wash it down with and settle back for some acoustic gems from one of Hamilton’s leading songwriters. Fountain will be supported

by Rab Heath, Xiyao and Rachel of whom I will know nothing about until Friday. Surprises, yay! Also, don’t forget the Mint Chicks play the Yellow Submarine on Saturday with support from The Transistors.

Song of the Week: “Fillmore Jive” by Pavement off the album Crooked Rain Crooked Rain

CD Reviews REM

SHIHAD

Accelerate (Warner Music) After over 26 years of putting the rock back into country rock and the rage back into garage folk, you know what you’re gonna get with REM. But it hasn’t always been that way and the true brilliance of these three (used to be four) Georgian lads cum rock legends stems from their ability to straddle a multitude of rock genres while remaining instantly recognisable and even palatable to mainstream listeners, even if they don’t get the lyrics. A lot of this can be put down to Stipe’s unmistakeable mumbly gravely vocals and Peter Buck’s requisite jangly arpeggioed chords. They haven’t always hit the right spot and it is fair to say that, give or take the odd single hither and thither, REM haven’t fully satisfied since the late 90s. But all that stops here.

Accelerate is a welcome return to form, appreciation for the songs growing with each subsequent listen. It all gets off the ground swimmingly with the swinging grungy and wittily Morrissey-esque titled “Living Well is the best Revenge” and in the middle of the album where one anticipates a slump they place the brilliant dark folk of “Houston”, the compelling title track and two tracks reminiscent of some of their past classics, “Until the day is Done” and “Mr Richards”. The album concludes without any sign of concentration wavering, the tongue remains firmly in the Stipe cheek, and your ear stays interested until the very last note.

The Beautiful Machine (Warner Music) There is an interesting irony in the lyrics of the first song and single, “One Will Heal The Other”, off this the sixth effort from Shihad Pacifier Shihad.

Right there in the poppiest single the Had has written in 16 years, Toogood is heard crying ‘it’s all the same, same, same’, later on the irony deepens as he chastises religious zealots in “The Bible and the Gun” for being ‘just the same as all the rest’. Their absolute obsession with cracking the American market resulted in Shihad feeling the need to change their name and then revert to the old moniker, something that could be forgiven if the music at least remained rock steady. I hate to say it but I think they have missed the mark with The Beautiful Machine. Taken in isolation it has its merits, hook lines as catchy as Chlamydia in uptown Hamtown on a Saturday night, plenty of anthemic sing-a-long choruses, but really – you can get that from the Feelers, Goodnight Nurse or 48 May. In trying to formulate songs for the US rock mainstream Shihad have forsaken their point of difference – those wall of sound industrial guitars playing killer rock/metal riffs backed up by Larkin’s Bonham-like blasts on the kit.

As Nietzsche quipped: “be careful in casting out your demons, lest you cast out the best within you.”

Hamilton's newest and biggest

CD DVD & Vinyl store 07 839 4435 PHONE

CORNER OF WARD AND VICTORIA ST , HAMILTON 36

ISSUE 07

Beowulf Special Edition

Motorhead: The Best of Motorhead

REVIEWED BY BURTON C BOGAN

REVIEWED BY BURTON C BOGAN

Beowulf is the classic story of the monster Grendel and one man’s attempt to slay the beast that has been terrorizing the local Danes who uncovers the monster’s terrible secret in a Shortland Street-style plot. But hey who cares, there’s some killing to be done.

A group of us went to see Beowulf as part of Emma’s birthday. We all sat in the theatre, Urkle 3D glasses on and watched it. When the opening titles flew past my shoulder I accidentally exclaimed “HOLY SHIT!” much to my embarrassment. So for me the most impressive bit was the titles! Also amusing was stopping to watch people try and grab stuff, or dodge things like spears seemingly come at them. So I was pretty keen to watch the DVD and try and sit in my chair at home complete with 3D glasses and watch it again. Sadly this isn’t the 3D version. But we still have some of the glasses so I sat there with them on anyway and watched the movie again, despite there being no 3D effects. But having said that the CGI is amazing still, in some parts it’s almost like they’re live action characters. This was a particular highlight for Burnzy, as a CGI nude Angelina Jolie is still a CGI nude Angelina Jolie (even if it is the Barbie version if you get my drift!). Another highlight of the theatre experience was the look on a wasted Burnzy’s face, complete with glasses, which made him look like a computer nerd that’s just proved that Kirk is superior. For the ladies, there’s some wang-age and muscles of a seriously enhanced Ray Winstone (who let’s face it, is probably more of a cocktail weenie and two grapes kinda guy). From such a stellar cast (Hopkins & Malkovich, not Jolie or Wright-Penn) you’d expect a good vocal performance, which for the most part you get.

Included in the second disc is the usual extras you would expect from a CGI extravaganza with various making of’s and featurettes that as a movie geek I love to have, but rarely watch! Overall a classic story,

The first time I heard Motorhead was Ace of Spades on The Young Ones. I was wearing onions in a sack round my neck, which was the style at the time. They were playing on that episode where The Young Ones represent Scumbag College at University Challenge (a classic episode).

That was about 20 years ago I think, so you can imagine my excitement that Vitamin C and I went with a group of mates to see them not that long ago. Ah the hilarity. But that’s another story…

As you can tell I’m trying to fill up space with waffle because to be brutally honest I don’t really know what to say about this one. This is just straight out, no frills Motorhead, with fifteen straight tracks of some of their best stuff which comes to around 45 minutes. It starts off with stuff from 1979, songs that we all know like Ace of Spades and Overkill and has material from round about the middle of their careers.

However this isn’t really a best of in my opinion, surprisingly absent is In the Name of Tragedy (my favourite Motorhead song) and Whorehouse Blues. But like all ‘Best ofs’ you’re never going to please all of the people all of the time. There are no interviews or backstage stuff or anything either. I really think that bands don’t fully utilize the DVD medium, while music videos are cool as a fan (and a music geek) I like to know all the background and crazy party stuff that goes on when the cameras are usually off.

Overall this is a bit of a disappointment, but still one worthy of a drunken play or two at parties.

And that’s about it really; I could end the review here.

Hamilton's newest and biggest

CD DVD & Vinyl store 07 839 4435 PHONE

CORNER OF WARD AND VICTORIA ST , HAMILTON ISSUE 07

37

Listings courtesy of Mammoth and the Hamilton Community Arts Council Axces NZ Music Month Competition - Heat 2 Fri 9 May, Doors open 7pm @ Axces Bar – Free entry Celebrating NZ music month, heats every friday of the month of May. Final last Friday! Winner takes 5 grand!

Pete Fountain, Rab Heath, Xiyao + Rachel Fri 9 May, Doors open 8pm @ La Commune Cafe – $5 or donation

38

ISSUE 07

Make love, not war! Acoustic live music from Pete, Rab, Xiyao and Rachel at La Commune Cafe.

JDay Saturday May the 3rd

Smith N Jones presents Electro/House & Breaks

@ Hamilton Lake Domain Stage Bands: Ska Child, Pork Soda, Skelitor, Geronimo, The Brothers Grimm and Canna Sutra Food and Coffee by La Commune

Sat 10 May, Doors open 9pm, Starts 11pm, Finishes Sun 11 May 2008, 3am @ Kremlin Bar – Cost TBC

The Mint Chicks, The Transistors, Damsels

The best of fat basslines, electro dirty and twisted with Ministry and Ibiza anthems of Summer 2008, mixed up and destroyed by DJ Sai (Smith N Jones) Spongebar resident DJ + Guests. Mix CDs given away on the night. We will be cranking it from 11pm through to 3am!

May 10th @ The Yellow Submarine Tickets available from CD 4 Nix Door sales also available

5 MAY 2008

GTA:

Will the onslaught of letters in the Lettuce pages bitching about Saudi Arabia ever stop?

My sources say no – last year’s interminable topic was Christians vs Other People, Uni’s lack of car parking, and the Poo Smell. This year’s is Saudi Arabia, apparently. Magic 8 Ball also predicts letters will also continue to be rambling bullshit with the Worst Spelling Ever – which says scary things about the quality of Waikato University.

Is procrastination the thief of time?

Without a doubt – in fact, procrastination is what creates time. You know how God rested on the seventh day? Procrastination. He was actually going to blow everything up and start over. The whole message of the Bible boils down to “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

Is The Drought really over?

Cannot predict now – because, if The Drought was a summer blockbuster, we’d now be getting ready for the dreary winter season.

Watch out for releases like “The Flood” and “The Perfect Storm 2,” coming to a Waikato Times near you.

Is picking your nose and eating it bad for you?

Signs point to yes – it’s pretty bad for your social life. Look around you in a lecture or in traffic some time. It’s scary how many people do this in public. Ironically, it’s actually good for your health. Apparently eating nose-pick boosts your immune system.

Does playing Grand Theft Auto cause violence?

Outlook not so good – there are no studies conclusively linking violent video games to actual violence. There are plenty of books and press releases by attention-seeking pundits who make the link with no proof at all. There is, interestingly, evidence that playing violent video games has a calming effect. But there’s one thing for sure: If I don’t get out of this office soon and get into some GTA4, there’s gonna be murders.

Is Miley Cyrus the Next Britney Spears?

Yes – Miley’s flame-out will really begin when she posts a sex tape, which will be released on her 18th birthday in the Western world and several months prior in countries with no anti-kiddy porn laws. It will be so successful that she’ll combine her Hannah Montana brand with Girls Gone Wild and make billions.

Is my Iron Man suit going to fly?

Yes – straight down, at terminal velocity.

After sorting through this week’s entries for the Caption Competition, the Editor realised he was dealing with such high art that he just had to cut off his ear. He sent in the entries to the prestigious Turner Art Award in England (which has previously been won by a room with a light that turned on and off) and the organisers were so shamed by the quality of the entries that they promised to never sully the art world with their bullshit ever again.

But we still had to pick a winner, and here it is: “Scandal: Madonna retains youth by sucking the brains of South American Send entries to nexus@waikato.ac.nz or txt to 021 235 8436! Should you win, your caption will be sent out to the world’s top artists, who will paint different renditions of it into their art. The resulting pictures will be worth billions, and the artists will sell them accordingly. You will sue for the profits, and actually succeed; allowing you to live out your old age in a mansion with all cocaine and high-class prostitutes you can eat, and you will decorate the mansion with the caption art you inspired and can now afford to buy. You’ll also receive a Burger Fuel voucher, which is even better.

Orphans!”

Congratulations, Ross MacLeod! Come to the Nexus offices to collect your free Burger Fuel meal!* Here are some honourable mentions: “Madonna’s latest attempt to adopt an African child was not going so well.”

– Shaun Dalton “Samantha discovers the delicious truth behind the aphorism: Once you’ve tried chocolate, you never go back to vanilla.”

– Michael Miller

*You can’t actually get the meal from the office. You’ll have to go to Burger Fuel for that. We’ll give you a voucher, though

ISSUE 07

3

Thinking about postgraduate study?

Join us for Postgraduate Week at New Zealand’s leading research university. From 12-16 May The University of Auckland is providing information sessions, displays and presentations to give you everything you need to know about postgraduate study. We look forward to welcoming you.

For more information and to register visit: KingSt07806_NEX_B

www.ourownwords.ac.nz

ISSUE 07

WEEK 1M2 16 AY

Monday - Arts, Engineering, Theology Tuesday - Business, Education, Graduate School of Enterprise Wednesday - Science, Medical and Health Sciences Thursday - Business, Education, Law Throughout the week - National Institute of Creative Arts and Industries showcasing special exhibitions, concerts and presentations

1.Favourite video game?

2.What do you think about violence in video games?

3.What did you do for ANZAC day?

4.If you were playing Grand Theft Auto would you run over a hooker to get your money back?

5.Have you been broken into this year?

1.Forza 2.Gotta have it 3.I was in Australia – rowing 4.Bloody Oath 5.Nup

1.Grand Theft Auto San Andreas 2.Gotta have it 3.With the missus 4.Yep 5.No, Thank god

1.Halo 2 2.It’s alright if your old enough 3.I worked 4.Yeh, it’s just a game 5.No

1.No 2.It’s okay if they regulate it 3.Watched the service on TV 4.Yep 5.No- never have been

1.Ummm, Crash Bandicoot 2.Don’t really care 3.Spent it with family. (My uncle with two broken legs) 4.Probably… No that’s horrible!

5.No, but I’m freakin out about it

ISSUE 07

5

Nexus Issue 06 28 APRIL 2008

CREDITS Editor: Joshua “Love is my bitch” Drummond (nexus@waikato.ac.nz) Design: Talia “Girl Next Door” Kingi (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) Advertising: Tony “Stud” Arkell (admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz/ 021 176 6180) Assistant to the Editor: Andrew “Space Cowboy” Neal (news@nexus-npl.co.nz) Music Ed: Carl “Attached” Watkins (toezee@gmail.com)

FEATURES 19 Grand Theft Auto: Reality 22 ANZAC Day with my Grandfather

Books Ed: Kelly “Bookish” Badman (fairytonic@inspire.net.nz) Film Ed: Art “I’m in Agony” Focker (adr7@students.waikato.ac.nz)

Contributors 8 Ball, AJ, Vitamin C, Kelly Badman, WSU, Carl Watkins, Burton C. Bogan, Fergus Hodgson, Kelly Badman, Jed Laundry, Josh, Andrew, Talia, Dr Richard Swainson, Matt, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash Medallion, Art Focker, Claire Breen, Thunder Mcloud, Dawn for continuing to visit me and for the thrashing at Puzzle Bobble, Blair Munro, and GTA images sourced from http://blog. gtahq.net (cheers, man)

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) Because it means other

NEW STUFF

Comic Review on page 34 (and be in to win!) Also, check out our review of Sydney White by all-new Film Editor Art Focker on page 35, and ace webcomic Garfield Minus Garfield appears on page 27

NEWS

8 – 13 University crime wave continues, MASH, Student-only pub “inspired by Scarfie days”, Scholars pay musical tribute to Sir Edmund Hillary, Students smash shit, “Mob brutality” in campus crash, four injured, East Hamilton Police Burglary Report, Haiku News

people do the work

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. I’M PRETTY SURE THIS DISCLAIMER HAS ALL THE LEGAL EFFECTIVENESS OF A KILO OF BELLY-BUTTON LINT, BUT WE’RE KEEPING IT ANYWAY.

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL nexus@waikato.ac.nz OR admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176 6180

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton

PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: nexus@waikato.ac.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

REGULARS AND RANDOMS 03 Magic 8 Ball 03 Caption Competition 04 Intergalatic Greetings 05 Low Five 06 Contents, but we didn’t need to tell you that. Or did we?

07 Editorial 14 The Execution 15 Lettuce 18 Rant of the Week 24 WSU guff 27 Notices 27 Garfield Minus Garfield 28 Flash Medallion’s Puzzle Page of… something 29 Big Picture 30 A river runs through it 30 Essence of Awesome 31 Boganology 101 31 Sarcophagus Rex 32 Agony Art 32 Lectern 33 Phat Controller 33 Cafe Review 34 Book & Comic Reviews 35 Moving Pictures 35 Film Review 36 Citric 36 DVDs 38 Gig Guide 39 Busted

got a call from my mobster friend at 3:30 AM. I was still awake, of course.

“I heard that kids are going to be reenacting Grand Theft Auto 4!” he said, breathless. “What a great idea!”

“We’re totally going to do that,” I said, suddenly excited. “I’ve heard about all the fun stuff you can do in that game. You can get drunk and drive. You can take over mob businesses. You can visit strip clubs. You can set people on fire. You can fuck hookers and then kill them.”

“Don’t forget, you can steal cars. How much better will this be in real life?” said my mobster friend. His name is Remi and he’s 14. I’m 13, I’m a genuine thug, and I’m pretty sure I’ll start getting pubic hair soon. My name is Jack Larson.

Remi came over the next day and we discussed our plan of attack.

Because Grand Theft Auto is rated R18 in New Zealand, we had to figure out how to get a copy. Remi was in favour of shoplifting. I guessed this probably wouldn’t work, because the games stores take the games out of the cases. Neither of us look close enough to 18 to try and buy it.

Both his and my older brothers were killed in gang violence when they re-enacted Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, so we can’t ask them to get it for us. We could get an illegal copy from the internet, but that’d take too long on New Zealand’s shitty broadband. So I did what any prospective kid-buyer of GTA does. I asked my Dad. “Can you buy me Grand Theft Auto 4, please?” I said. “Me and Remi want to play it, then re-enact the good stuff.”

My Dad chuckled. He’s a great, liberal-minded guy, especially when he’s baked.

“Sure, Jack” he said, ruffling my hair. “Would you like me to pick up Anal Vixens Eight for you as well? It’s the same rating.”

“Oh, yes!” I gasped. “Thanks, Dad. You know how I love that series.”

We got the game and we played through it in one 80 hour sitting, with occasional raids on Dad’s secret cocaine stash to keep us going. At the end of the game we were all set for an epic re-enactment.

The first thing we had to do was steal a car. In the game, this is pretty easy. You just walk up to a car and press the Triangle button.

But when we tried it on Dad’s car, it didn’t work.

“Press it harder!” I yelled to Remi.

“Maybe it has to be connected to the Play Station to work?” he suggested.

Luckily, Dad came out just as we were attempting to hot-wire the car with cords from the Play Station controller.

“Oh, you kids,” he laughed. “Look, here’s how you do it.”

He showed us how to jimmy the lock out of the door, disable the immobiliser and connect two ends of the ignition wire together. After half an hour, the watching neighbours cheered as we finally got the car started and drove away. We hit the letterbox going out, so Dad gave us a quick driving lesson.

“Just think of the accelerator as the X button,” he explained.

“Thanks, Mr Larson,” Remi said. “We’re sorry about the damage.”

“Don’t worry about it,” smiled my Dad. “Just kill a hooker. They’ve always got heaps of money, and you can bring some to me.”

The first part of the re-enactment was getting drunk and driving. Already pretty high on our hot-wiring success, we decided to just go to a liquor store and try and buy stuff.

We accidentally drove the car through the plate-glass window at the front of the shop, but the nice Indian owner didn’t seem to mind.

“Insurance, insurance!” he chortled, picking pieces of glass out of his hair. “Insurance will pay! Now, what do you boys want?”

We got a fifth of vodka, because that’s what Eminem drinks before he drives. The liquor-store owner shared it with us before we left, well pissed.

We weaved across the road, laughing and yelling every time we hit a pedestrian. Cops occasionally gave chase and shot at us, but Remi was getting the hang of driving pretty quick, and, once we’d figured out where the windscreen-wiper lever was so we could see through the blood, we grabbed a few wanted stars and the cops disappeared.

“It’s amazing how much real life is like the game,” Remi said. I agreed.

Then we drove to the red-light district for our re-enactment coup de grace - picking up a hooker. Remi had taken a few shots to the lungs and I had a shattered arm from a policeman’s bullet. Getting a hooker would recharge our health. Little did she know we planned to kill her and get our money back. We had plenty of cash, picked up from dead pedestrians we’d run over and stopped to mug.

We saw a blond bimbo standing at the corner of a street, wearing a slip of a red dress and thigh-high stockings. We pulled over, and sounded the horn.

She got in. “Lookin’ fer a good time?” she asked, all sultry. Remi and I high-fived and drove through a park, stopping under a deserted bridge.

Well, neither of us had ever had our health recharged by a dirty hooker before, but we did then and it was great. We took turns. The car bounced up and down just like in the game and there was heavy breathing and the springs squeaked. My broken arm and Remi’s collapsed lungs healed perfectly. The hooker thanked us for a great time, took $200 from each of us, and exited the car.

Remi and I looked at each other and grinned. We knew what was coming.

I was driving this time and I reversed sharply, knocking over the hooker who had foolishly walked behind the car. We ran right over her. I could feel the chassis grinding on her bones. Blood sprayed over the car.

Luckily, it was painted red.

She was practically dead already, but we both got out of the car to finish her off. Remi used a golf club and I riddled her squashy, gooey corpse with bullets from an M-16 I’d bought at a sporting goods store. Hooting with glee, we took our money back. Just like in the game.

We took the money back to Dad, who was so pleased he said we could go and take over a gang-owned strip club next week. I can’t wait.

ISSUE 07

7

News issue 07

Recent burglaries and other crimes at Waikato University have left some students and staff questioning whether campus security is tight enough.

After the Campus Kiosk was broken into for the second time this year on the weekend of 19-20 April, owner Brett “The Dairy Guy,” questioned the value of the security services at the University.

“Students pay a lot of money to go here and [the University is] spending a lot of money on upgrading every thing – why aren’t they spending some money on cameras?” asked Brett.

Likewise, students in the Halls of Residence have complained about the constant break-ins to their cars in the University car parks.

“Having one security guard on between 12 and 6 AM to cover the whole campus is not really good enough. So much for keeping students safe,” said a Letter to the Editor, published last week.

But Campus Security head Ray Hayward said the claims made in the letter that security services were insufficient and not receiving enough funding were “completely wrong.”

Hayward says that campus security would love to get more cameras and that this will “definitely happen.”

An undisclosed number of security cameras were installed by Information Technology Services in teaching rooms and it has been confirmed that there are a number of other cameras installed by other parties also.

He confirmed that only one security guard works a beat on campus between the hours

a special operation involving my staff and police to crack down on it,” he said.

The Halls of Residence are an area that “contain a lot of valuables,” and laptops have been lifted through windows there in the past and “Students [in the halls] are constantly warned about looking after their valuables,” Sanderson said.

With crime continuing to soar in the Hamilton

of 12 AM and 6 AM, however, there are other security guards present in the security office should a breach occur.

Student Village manager, Leigh Sanderson’s son’s Toyota Hilux ute was stolen from right in front of his house on Knighton road on Sunday 27 April.

“We’ve had quite a few thefts this year, we’ve had three cars broken into, one car stolen and we had a burglary where someone cut into the bike sheds with bolt cutters and stole two bikes,” said Sanderson.

But police and security are “cracking down,” according to Hayward. “We have had a real a real problem with break ins, but we’re running

East area, students are being urged by Police, the WSU and Campus Security to be more vigilant with their flats, possessions and even around campus.

“People need to be more vigilant around the car park areas and call us if they see anything suspicious,” Hayward says.

One student, who has asked to remain anonymous, has said that last year they had locked themselves out of the J Basement computer labs and had to wait 25 minutes to be let in because the security guard was off campus getting food.

“I mean it wasn’t an emergency but would they still have taken that long if I was breaking in?” the student said.

The Waikato Student’s Union will bring male sexual health to the campus consciousness throughout the month of May with its MASH campaign.

MASH, which stands for Male Advocates for Sexual Health, will feature “activities and education,” every Wednesday during cultural hour to educate men about their responsibility when it comes to sexual health.

Events will feature an army theme to match the MASH television show and will be held all over campus, due to the renovations at the Village Green area.

“It’s a good opportunity to get amongst the students, instead of them coming to us,” says WSU director Glen Delamere.

WSU director Ben Delaney says there is often a stigma attached to men’s health issues.

“Men need to take more responsibility with their involvement of the proliferation of sexually transmitted infections,” he says.

Games will be held on campus that are designed to be comical but with a strong message and purpose.

On one of the days a large number of student union directors from around the country will go to their respective medical centres for a Chlamydia check.

“It’s our way of saying it’s not a big deal,” says Delamere Delamere also pointed out that after speaking to the University Medical Centre that there is a

male nurse available for any male student who wishes to use this service.

Games and information sessions will be held at the School of Education, Management buildings and other areas around campus.

Games will include ‘What STI am I?’ where a WSU director will get a number of male contestants and give a list of symptoms, such as “anal discharge” and “it hurts to piss!” and the contestant will try to guess which infection they are.

There will also be a condom speed test, where condoms will be placed onto cucumbers and contestants will be judged on speed, skill, style and technique.

8

ISSUE 07

May 5 2008

A passion for student bars has given John Lawrenson the inspiration to open new Hamilton student pub ‘Bar 101’.

For this reason cheap drink deals will closely monitored by staff to avoid running foul of intoxication laws.

The pub, located on Victoria Street, is co-owned by Lawrenson and some old friends from Otago University. It is targeted directly at students and will limit admission to keep it that way.

The aesthetics of the pub are an amalgamation of other places Lawrenson has worked with stone walls and large ‘Tui’ logos.

“Pretty much if you don’t look like a student we’re going to ask for a student idea, we don’t want the shifty guys coming in looking to prey on students,” says Lawrenson.

Lawrenson says his passion for student bars came from living and studying in Dunedin. After moving to Hamilton and opening bar/ restaurant ‘Furnace’ noticed a gap in the market as, he claimed, student bars in Hamilton were too expensive.

The name ‘Bar 101’ came from one of the bartenders at Furnace and is a play on words from paper codes at the university.

“101 is generally related to first year introduction papers, so there’s the possibility of slogans like ‘Bar 101: Introduction to drinking’, I’m sure it will turn up on a T-shirt at some stage,” jokes Lawrenson.

Lawrenson said that rent for other bars in town can be quite expensive and that they can suffer under large overhead costs.

He says this can mean other bars in town have to get huge numbers through the doors to make ends meet but the “lower rent in the pub’s current location means that staff can be a bit more selective with their clientele, making it a truly student pub.”

Whilst Lawrenson wants to be competitive with other bars in town and a little bit cheeky, he is not interested in trouble with local authorities.

The front entrance hallway features ‘old school’ beer advertisements and memorabilia and will soon feature newer Tui artwork to compliment it.

There is still a bit of work to be done, with an expansion of the garden bar area to be completed within the next few weeks and other small alterations.

Hospitality is a real family affair for Lawrenson who says that nine out of ten members of his extended family have held General Manager’s Certificates.

He added that he has been in the bar industry for ten years and, still being in his 20’s. says he still loves big student bars.

LOOKING FOR A CHALLENGE?

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Compassionate? Reliable?

LifeLine Waikato offers a comprehensive training programme for people interested in becoming volunteer telephone counsellors.

This is an invaluable opportunity to learn counselling, communication and interpersonal skills.

Semester Two weekend and daytime training programmes begin 11 May 2008.

Places are limited.

For further information, contact the LifeLine Office

Phone: 07 838 0715 www.lifelinewaikato.org.nz Email: lifelinewaikato@lifeline.co.nz

ISSUE 07

9

News issue 07

Creative arts scholars at the University of Waikato will use their skills to create a CD of classical music as a tribute to the late Sir Edmund Hillary.

Sir Edmund Hillary Scholars will use their areas of expertise to make the CD, entitled Journey to the Summit.

The University’s Hillary Scholars come from the sports and creative arts fields and include many

support to the scholarship programme, which fosters greatness.

the Cellophonics group, the university cello group, will also contribute.

Hillary Programme Manager Nicola Clayden said the university was proud to have help from Atoll Records for the recording and Ode Music Distribution for the marketing.

The university’s graphics department will be involved in the design work for the CD and

Recording is being done by Atoll Records in the concert chamber at the university’s Wel Academy of Performing Arts over several days in April and June.

singers and musicians.

DVD and promotional material. The CD will be available for sale to the general public.

The CD will be launched later this year, along with a DVD documenting the making of the CD. Theatre and dance students will create and perform a piece for the launch.

“We think the CD and DVD project is a great way to pay tribute to Sir Ed,” Clayden said.

“It will be vibrant and youthful and aspiring to greatness.” She continues.

University Vice-Chancellor Professor Roy Crawford said the CD was a fitting way to commemorate Sir Ed, who gave his name and

The students, who include pianists and cellists, will record several pieces for the CD, including Bach, Debussy and Rachmaninov. Singers, and

Waikato University’s Sir Edmund Hillary Scholarship Programme is a full fee scholarship for dozens of top-achieving arts and sports students each year. It is sponsored by Gallagher Group Ltd and Orbit Corporate Travel, and involves coaching, support and leadership development with help from many partner organisations.

Students smash shit - Or DO they? (Answer: Yes) Seonah Choi - Salient

Allegations made by Rotorua motel owners that Victoria University students attending this year’s University Games trashed motel rooms and left rooms full of vomit and alcohol have been described as an “overreaction.”

Attending students and Games organisers say the claims have been “exaggerated to an amazing extent.” The Games were held in

Rotorua between April 14 and 18, and about 130 students from Victoria were booked in to Cleveland Motel and Havana Motor Lodge during their four-night stay. Havana was the first of the two motels to evict students, with a room of four asked to leave on Wednesday afternoon. Owner Jan Stevenson told the New Zealand Herald that the eviction came after a window in a unit was broken and red wine was spilled in the room. According to the glazier who inspected the window, M P f o r h aM i l t o n e a s t the damage to the window was not the result of vandalism.

Phone: 07 834 3407 “[The glazier] advised Email: davidbennett@xtra.co.nz that the window was www.davidbennett.co.nz accidental… [It was] broken from closing it,” Victoria University’s team manager Brent Hayward said.

David Bennett MP

www.national.org.nz 10

ISSUE 07

However, repair costs were accepted by the students and Games organisers. On the same night, Hayward was called to Cleveland Motel by owners Cynthia and Clyde Hawkins, who were reportedly upset about the state of a room and the noise caused by a number of students. The Hawkins threatened to evict the occupants of all the rooms. Hayward says that when he arrived, there was a student who was requiring medical attention. “[The Hawkins] were unconcerned. They tried to drag me to one of the units to show me the mess [the students had made].” “Clyde sort of snapped when I placed more importance on the student. He didn’t seem to comprehend reasoning and became frustrated, then grabbed me by the shirt and near the throat.”

Cynthia Hawkins denied Hayward’s account of events. “I got a hold of his jersey and said, ‘You come with me and I’ll show you.’ That’s all I did to him. If he’s [going to] treat that as a threat, [if] he’d like to come here… I’ll show him what I really [want to] do to him.” “We

May 5 2008 had police here, why didn’t he tell the police?

What a liar he is.” “It took many phone calls to get [Hayward] here and he didn’t even want to come and look at the room. He wasn’t concerned about anybody, it took everything we had to get him to come here and he wouldn’t even come and have a look at the destruction that was happening.”

Following discussions attended by Hayward and the Hawkins, as well as the police and representatives from both University Sport New Zealand (USNZ) and the Rotorua City Council, students were allowed to stay at

Hawkins described the clean-up as “absolutely disgusting.” “The damage was shocking.

It was disgraceful.” She estimated repair costs as “over $3,000.” “They’re living like pigs. Everyone in New Zealand knows they wouldn’t have cleaned up.” Both Hayward and Cosgrove said the reports of damage were exaggerated. “There was some beer spilt and the vomit was only in one toilet,” Cosgrove said. “It wasn’t the apocalypse.” This claim was concurred by Hayward, who also added that the students were “not well looked after” during their stay at the motels. The owners

However, Hawkins admitted that she had not hosted university students previously. “We were under the impression that [the students staying] were going to be older. When you hear about Ultimate Frisbee and things like that, we were actually thinking that they’d be more mature people, and at the end of it, like Thursday night, they would have a party and we were prepared for that.”

Regardless, Hawkins described Victoria University students as “the worst of the lot.”

Cleveland. The Hawkins demanded a $1,000 bond, which was paid. “They actually bribed us… the Council begged us to keep them here.” On Thursday morning, Hayward was contacted by Stevenson from Havana, who informed him that the remaining students staying at her motel were to be evicted, citing general untidiness, noise after 10 p.m. the previous night and the report of one student smoking near a unit. Stevenson refused to participate in discussions with Hayward and USNZ, and declined requests for a refund despite a letter from the USNZ lawyer advising that it would be illegal to evict all the students without a letter. Alternative accommodation was found for the evicted students. Later that day, Clyde Hawkins met with Victoria University’s assistant team manager Mark Davis, VUWSA President Joel Cosgrove and a USNZ representative. Hawkins told the group that all the students staying at Cleveland were being evicted, following an alleged tip-off from a security guard who said a student had informed him of plans to ransack the motel that night. The police were again called as students were forced to leave in heavy rain. “We were concerned about the safety of the students… Clyde had one or two of his associates evicting them,” Hayward said. Overnight accommodation for the students was found at backpackers and hostels. Following the students’ departure,

of both Havana and Cleveland have been accused of verbally attacking the students. At Havana, a large number of students overheard Stevenson referring to members of Victoria’s league, touch and netball teams as “darkies.”

At Cleveland, one witness claimed that Clyde Hawkins “stormed” into a room during a team talk and called one student “a fucking bitch.” Cosgrove suggested that the moteliers may have been ill-prepared. “If people sign on knowing what they’re getting, they’ll have a good experience.” He cited the owner of a Newcastle Motor Lodge, a third motel that accommodated students from Victoria. “He was great. We got photos together… and he asked us to send them to him.” Of the Hawkins, Cosgrove says: “They were new to the motel industry. Anyone who’s had involvement with the motel industry knows that it’s hard work. They got $6,000 to $9,000 for four nights – I think they just saw dollar signs and not the responsibility.” Hayward pointed out that all the motel rooms had been prepaid. “They had the upper hand all week. I wonder if they would have evicted the students if the rooms hadn’t been paid for ahead of time. I’d like to know what their bookings are normally like at this time of year.” Cynthia Hawkins rejected the suggestions made by Cosgrove and Hayward. “What’s [experience] got to do with anything? [And] it has nothing to do with money.”

all the students were being blamed for the alleged misbehaviour of a minority. “The ones who did cause damage should be punished, I agree, but don’t lump everyone together.” The events at this year’s University Games already appear to have affected next year’s Games.

“Some moteliers, based on information in the newspaper, there could be some moteliers who won’t accept any bookings for [the 2009 University Games],” Taranaki Motel Association President Deborah Tawa said.

Since the Games team returned from Rotorua, Hayward, Cosgrove and Davis have met with the University’s Vice-Chancellor Pat Walsh. A detailed report of events is being be prepared for Walsh, who is expected to decide the appropriate action for the students involved once the report is complete. “In this case, I hope [the University] will look at the facts,” Cosgrove said. USNZ has already announced its support for Victoria students. “It was unfortunate that a small number of students misbehaved,” he said. “But the reaction from the motel owners was over-the-top and inhumane and unjustifiable.” The Hawkins say they intend to contact the University and the Walsh, while Hayward says VUWSA is considering legal action

“I’m ashamed.” One student protested that

ISSUE 07

11

News issue 07

“Mob brutality” in campus crash, four injured

By Rory MacKinnon – InUnison

A night out ended in tragedy for three partygoers at the Mt Albert campus last fortnight when a drunk driver slammed into a crowd walking home from a fancy-dress party at Carrington’s, hosted by the USU students’ association.

The crash happened between midnight and 1am, as revelers made their way back to the students’ accommodation. Eyewitnesses say the driver was traveling between 70-80kph on the wrong side of the road and swerved to avoid a head-on collision with another vehicle. The car slid into a group of around ten people, hitting three of them.

“Unbelievable… [a] horrible noise when he hit the people. Just a horrible

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thud and you saw the people go down.”

One eyewitness who asked not to be identified says one woman “flew” across the bonnet, hitting the windscreen headfirst. In Unison also understands one of the injured suffered two broken legs from the force of the impact.

Eyewitnesses also say the crowd responded with “mob brutality”, pulling the driver and front-seat passenger from the car. A group of around five men began beating the driver unconscious, while the remainder set upon the vehicle, smashing its windows.

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ISSUE 07

USU President Greg Powell says that while the events are “truly tragic”, neither Carrington’s nor the students’ association are liable, and that Carrington’s staff had closed the bar over an hour prior, refusing to serve intoxicated customers.

“The incident happened over an hour after the event ended… the driver was not a Unitec student and didn’t attend the event. It was a terrible case of ‘wrong place at the wrong time’.”

Powell says he will nonetheless be meeting with Carrington’s staff this week to discuss further safety measures, including better lighting, cordoning off the surrounding area and hiring private security to monitor and patrol the perimeter after events. Powell adds that there is “no excuse” for either the crowd or the driver’s behaviour.

“It’s simple. If you drink and drive, you’re a bloody idiot. That being said, what the crowd did to [the driver] was not cool. I’m ashamed, really.”

Police have been unwilling to release a copy of the incident report to In Unison, however Powell says he is in the process of obtaining one.

Further updates will be provided as information becomes available.

May 5 2008

East Hamilton Police Burglary Report 14th - 28th April 2008 During the two week University break 36 burglaries have occurred in the Hamilton East, their locations are indicated on the above map.

Out of the 36 homes that have been broken into, 12 had their front doors and windows left wide open making it easy for offenders. The other homes have had doors and windows either smashed or jemmied open.

Laptops and small electronic equipment are still items that are being taken.

If you see or find anyone acting suspicious or shouldn’t be in your garden or your neighbours then please call the Police.

Security Advice: Please lock your windows and doors even if you’re going out for a short time. Offenders could be watching and known you’re routines.

Information on how to protect your home is available from the East Hamilton Community Policing Centre on Clyde St. If you have any information that might help Police with these burglaries please call the University Constable, Nick Sickelmore at Nicholas.

Sickelmore@police.govt.nz

Waihopai spy base protesters on hunger strike Will the US stop spying If the protestors die?

May as well try

University staff slam beauty queen interview Tough tits, could be worse The staff are just jealous They’re not Miss Universe

McCain’s vege line closure to see 30 jobs lost Screwed-over vege Employees say, “Oh, McCain, You’ve done it again!”

Long hot summer credited for gambling drop Long hot summer Causes gambling breach, turns out Dole bludgers like the beach.

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ISSUE 07

13

The Execution Nexus arrived late, sometime around the Vice President’s report, in time to hear criticism of itself for not putting something or other in the magazine this week. There was the cloying stench of group sex.* Nexus was a little sad to have missed out, but knowing the WSU, it was probably boring.

It was fairly obvious that this was the room that AJ worked in. A stray dodgeball lurked under a desk. Boxing gloves sat quietly in a corner, awaiting the moment to pounce.

The Executive/Directors sat around an oval table, reminding Nexus of the non-famous Knights of the Oval Table. Moira was absent, which meant Olivia chaired the meeting, quietly basking in an aura of purest power.

The National GBLT Askew conference was brought up. David said it’s been traditional to support the MMF club and the WSU has budgeted $560 to send somebody to the Centurion Men’s Sauna, but it might otherwise be given to the Askew club. The group sex was well underway, in what looked to be a slightly modified game of King of the Castle.

Glen asked why the money wasn’t going through clubs. Didn’t want the WSU to be seen as “double dipping.” There was some Exec smirking at this point, and Nexus has no idea why.

Jeff Hawks, the quite definitely straight GBLTresponsible director, said “I’m not sure that I’ll be able to interact with the empathy that a fully fledged, ahem, member of ASKEW might be able to,” he said, shifting in his seat. Does this mean that he will have to turn down invites to gay sex orgies? Nexus hopes not.

Olivia talked about contributing to a review of the Moodle application, (which Wintec has had for years.) Miss Beattie was left satisfied and craving more. There was some confusion amongst the WSU as to what Moodle actually was. “Is that like Bebo?” somebody asked.

Nexus can attest from its own experience that the function of Moodle is to send salacious instant messages to other students on the network.

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ISSUE 07

The Education Director was elected the WSU representative for this review, amid much laughter from the Exec. Nexus didn’t get the joke, but while it was (mis) typing this sentence it noticed that WSU can anagram as “WUS”.

Coincidently, the mass of exec bodies spelled the same word if one were to squint and turn their head.

Jeff raised the eminently sensible point that the University is now using several different systems for intra-student communication, which might be confusing. Although his objections were muffled by what was probably a foot in his mouth, the point was ignored.

I have some free condoms on my desk. You can have them, I don’t need them,” Olivia said, giggling a little.

“Olivia,” Ben admonished, “always think of the future.

Ben spoke about Nexus not putting an ad about Noho Marae in (because we were frantically short on space) and how WSU would go about promoting it. They have wonderful plans, which include chalking, posters, amongst other things. We may as well give it a plug here. It will go for the reasonable price of $35.

While Nexus scraped little blobs of fly shit off its once-pristine laptop keyboard, AJ mentioned “sculling half a vod.” Ben laughed.

“Don’t laugh,” AJ said menacingly.

Nexus regretted not coming to more WSU orgies, as it was confused by the terminology used and felt a little lonely.

Glen talked about MASH, which stands for Male Advocates for Sexual Health. Whets (see?

Did it again) will be “targeting different areas.”

– Nexus suggests he starts with the crotch.

“I have some free condoms on my desk. You can have them, I don’t need them,” Olivia said, giggling a little.

“Olivia,” Ben admonished, “always think of the future.”

Other plans for MASH week involve, brilliantly, the entire Exec being tested for STIs at the university health clinic. Someone voiced the possibility of the results of the tests being published in Nexus. Nexus thinks this is a brilliant idea, and may run a full-colour pictorial on it.

“Except for AIDS. You can’t get rid of AIDS.” Olivia said, with a nervous grin.

“Tap it and gap it,” suggested AJ. No one was impressed with his sex etiquette and he was sent to be the back of the man conga line which was forming by Moira, who was not actually there.

Ben wants everyone in camo, “with toy machine guns,” marching about singing the ”MASH theme song.” Nexus wonders if Ben realises that the MASH theme song is called “Suicide is Painless,” and features lyrics of the same phrase, which might not go down too well with, probably, anyone.

Jeff wants to go to town in camo to “lead an assault on the Chlamydia Triangle.” Nexus thinks this would be a form of suicide that definitely wouldn’t be painless.

Then came the fascinating point of WSU submissions to Nexus. “People are not getting their contributions on time and others are not getting them in at all,” said Olivia.

The WSU sat, cowed.

“Josh,” hissed Glen, at this point. “I’m Glen, not Whetu.” Damn. Nexus keeps getting that wrong.

There was a whole lot of guff about the Uni Games. Nexus gave up at this point, and stared blankly into space, while the sex games raged around it.

And on that bombshell, the meeting went into Committee of the Whole (hole?) and Nexus left. *Nexus couldn’t think of a “theme” for the Execution this week, so it got Kirril to provide the bits in bold, which explains rather a lot.

Txts to the Editor!

Nexus now has an all-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. They can be about anything – but if it’s something in the magazine, so much the better. We’ll print the best ones, so get texting! There’s a prize for text of the week as well. We don’t know what it is yet, but it will be awesome.

Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Busted-type situations to 021 235 8436.

Do it it.

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

Dear Nexus, This one is actually for Drummond-san. I love reading the Haiku entries in every edition of Nexus; some of them are genuinely funny and entertaining. But please, correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t haiku supposed to have a distinct pattern of 5, 7 and then 5 syllables?

Some of the poems in the Nexus are a bit askew in that department. It’s nothing big, but being a lover of Japanese poetry I find it odd to have “haiku” in different arrangements other

than they are supposed to be. Oh, and they don’t have to rhyme either (I’m just saying that because a lot of them do). Anyway, keep up the wonderful writing!

Akechi Mitsuhide You’re right. When I came up with the idea I checked the Wikipedia entry on haiku poetry which said that a haiku only “had to have” 17 syllables. It didn’t emphasise the 5-7-5 meter, which I decided would be too difficult to stick to. So the only rule I follow when I’m writing

them is that they have to have 17 syllables.

Occasionally I write one that sticks to the 5-7-5 rule, but most of them don’t, so they’re not “true” haikus. I know they don’t have to rhyme either, but I like silly rhymes, so they go in And, just for writing in, here is a bonus Haiku.

A proper one, too, unless I’ve gotten your name’s pronunciation wrong.

For loving Haiku Akechi Mitsuhide, Nexus will love you.

– Editor-san.

It was broke, so they fixed it I would like to make a few comments in the support of the Universities move to gmail. I have been using gmail for several years now and I really think the argument by “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” lacks a lot of balls.

First of all we had the choice if we wanted to change. You could have selected the little radio button that allowed you to keep your outlook account the same. That would have saved all that time you have already spent whinning about it. Secondly it has a weird and unfamiliar layout because its new, weird and unfamiliar generally applies to all things that are new...that’s why they are new! Also you would have to be almost

legally blind to not be able to notice the compose mail button in the top left corner in bold. Gmail has many things better than outlook. It has unlimited space..so you do not have to delete old mail and large files can be sent, there is spell check, you can search through all your emails for old ones and emails are filed as ‘conversations’ so you don’t have 50 emails from the same person about the same thing in seperate emails. I think that gmail is far superior to hotmail or outlook. Big ups to the uni!

Larissa MacMillan

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EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz ISSUE 07

15

It was broke, so they fixed it #2 Dear Ed, I tend to disagree with the letter saying gmail is hard to use, and that we should have stuck with the old way. I also disagree with the implied idea that hotmail is better than gmail.

But, rather than getting into some argument about it, I think this link will do http://blogoscoped.com/archive/2007-11-20n35.html I found it pretty amusing, and believe other readers might as well.

Green Griffin (I know I am late at sending this in, but, figured I would try anyway)

WASPS: Dismissive, still poor, verbose, witty Joleen and T’neal’s response: Blah blah blah I like to complain.

Blah blah blah, im a winner.

Blah blah blah, I think your wrong and im right.

‌thank god opinions are like ass holes‌ They’re everywhere, and everyone’s got one.

First off, please don’t YELL! So! Much! – I like exclamation points as much as the next person, but shit! A little excessive? I counted 26‌ that’s like 10%.

Thanks (: Secondly, Why would I post my real name in here, if I don’t have to. Shit I wouldn’t want some whacked out crazy (like you) to disagree with something I have said and come looking for me. You academic winner‌ wdf seriously who writes that shit. ‘Im a winner and an exceptional person with something to say worth listening to’.

No.

you mean lots of people hate the under 25 stipulation? ‌ You say it comes down to personal choice and spending. Well perhaps some of us aren’t happy with being forced to unnecessarily downgrade because of the inability of a system to update itself to the current economic situation. Such as rising costs of daily life(petrol, food and the likes) Lol, I like living in a nice house, and being able to spend money. Life is for living not budgeting. Lol, your comment – GET A JOB‌ duh? No shit. Isn’t that what I was complaining about? The fact we are all forced to get low paying shit jobs to append the meagre $150 living cost LOAN.

I don’t care about your life story.

Newsflash.

I was complaining about a bullshit independence/allowance relationship set forth by our govt and Studylink. Mainly that we are tied till 25.

Lol funny thing is, its not just my situation I wrote about‌ im sure there are a lot of students with the same problem? – oh wait,

I think you missed the point, so ill reiterate for you.

If small changes were made to Studylink, life would be easier for the masses (that’s us) – leaving us with more time to drink, smoke, fuck around – and most importantly, STUDY Here’s to another fucked reply, Dr. T

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ISSUE 07

Everyone needs a will Isaac was left a bit of money by his grandmother. After paying his fees, there was a bit over and he wondered what would happen to it if something happened to him and he died.

Actually, if you die without a will, it can take a long time to sort things out and the results may not be what you would wish. It need not cost money to make one and it should be regularly reviewed and updated if necessary.

If you type ‘making a will’ into Google, there are many websites that are helpful.

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 838 4466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB.

Smoking P before writing Lettuce is a bad idea, apparently

countries also have the highest crime rate in the world, and Saudi and Iran have the lowest

Sally, you have some really sad views of Saudi.

It makes me sad that your ignorance and hate,

Sup Bitch (a traditional greeting that you deserve) Am guessing you got raped by some Saudi fella or something that you so pissed of at them, I wont be surprised cuz rape is common. In Waikato alone last year 258 women got raped, that’s only the ones that reported to police. Am guessing you didn’t report and wanna take your anger out here (seeing your language), its ok only 15% people report it anyway. Now if someone gives me the choice to get killed or not drive, I would choose not to drive so would other rational people. Now at least Saudi is not going around the world and killing innocent civilians for money. By the way you are racist because United States and its friends (including our neighbour OZ) are killing innocent people

crime rate in the world. So am guessing not letting people drive is working, and if it stops the crimes in NZ hell we should stop driving too. Anywho am not gonna call you blue moron, ignorant pig, sexist, idiot, or stupidhead but a realist that doesn’t know the reality.

Deal with your anger or have some weed it be good for you cuz you are in NZ drugs are all gooood, unlike Saudi.

PS. Executing child offenders is good isn’t it, atleast in Saudi, Pakistan or Iran people are not raping their own daughters let alone others kids.

Your daddy Gaylord Focker (Via some randomly made-up email address – Ed)

as we speak but you don’t even want to think about it let alone write about it; you would rather talk about a country not letting people drive. To me it seems that taking some ones life is worse then taking someone’s right to drive. Don’t know which planet you come from where it’s the other way around. By the way till today “Coalition Forces” have killed 90,782 innocent civilians (including women, to get your attention in case you are a feminist), China is publically abusing human rights and has killed people in Tibet, and Mr. Mugabe is having a good time in Zimbabwe but that aint important women driving is more important.

Why you forgot them and talked about Saudi’s? hmmm lemme guess cuz lately heaps of them are coming to our uni, I have seen comments like yours against Asians too when they started coming in great numbers. So you are not here to defend women’s human rights you are just here to get your anger out. By the way don’t bother asking me if my facts are right cuz they are right. USA and most western

In my first year whenever I read the Lettuce i wondered who the hell Ed Vos was that everone was complaining about. Then I had the oppourtunity to discover his brilliance last year in summer school and then again hear about everones bitching for A semester. He is the greatest lecture to walk this planet and I’m wondering if he is still around teaching his magic to those young innocent 2nd years?? So far lettuce is nothing like previous years! Stop talking about Caps lock and begin the wonders of how sex relates to finance, and how this great man has changed us all.

blinds you so.

Also, do you have a problem with Muslims [followers of Islam] or the citizens of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Please, define the distinct Hate, you seem to have for either or both.

As for me, I wouldn’t call myself sexist. I was raised in a home surrounded by women, such is the way of Ngapuhi-nui-tonu. What reason would I have to resent women?

Sally, I’m really sorry that you can’t bring yourself to simply accept Saudi Arabia.

Whatever faults it has, Pakeha have dealt a whole lot more to the rest of the world [Yup, I just said Pakeha]. Please, try not to stir up hate. Accept facts for facts. The Kingdom makes a huge contribution to the international stage, in so many ways. Ohh, by the way, if you have such a big problem with Saudi, start BIKING around, coz your petrol, comes from Them. I mean, I wouldn’t want you doing things in half measures, that might expose your inconsistency.

May Allah bless you, and us all with Hidayah[guidance].

Yours sincerely Taufiq AbduShafia

Ed Vos: WTF?

Sincerly Ed Vos Fan

Straw Man begs the question, ad hominem proof by example.

Dear Editor He patai toku… Me pewhea te Pakeha i korero mo te tukino tangata, mehemea KO ANA TIPUNA kee nga tangata tukino i te Nuinga o te AO? Korero kee au, mo Sally Focker.

Website out of date Hey there, Just thought you might like to know your website is out of date it still has a link to the August 07 Edition Regards Jason McCarthy The Bahama Hut We know. We’re on it. The cheque is in the mail. In five minutes. Okay, I’ve just got to

ISSUE 07

17

Id just like 2 say dat the artument going on between the Saudi fings is interestn Go sally focker 4 standn up and I believe she has some relevant points Hi. Yeah I’m pissed off today. Watd ages 4 the new gran theft auto to come out only to find out the fuckn tree hugging P.C Cunts of NZ and faggot aus, has made them put out a censored version. Fuck! Now I have to wait 4 my dodgy asian rip copy b4 I can steal shit, snort coke, and shoot hookers. ¬Don’t worry. According to IGN.com, they didn’t actually cut much. (See this week’s GTA:R feature for details) I’ve got the censored version of the game and I can assure you that stealing and shooting hookers (and drunk driving, shagging your girlfriend(s), and a host of other antisocial activities) are still definitely options. I haven’t got up to snorting coke yet, but I’m sure if you’re desperate you can put white-out on the TV screen and move Niko’s head so he looks like he’s inhaling – Ed. At the supermarket I saw them, all of these scummy people crowding into the aisles like the store was about to run out of food. I would love to see how these people last when all the food does run out. What will they do, I wonder, when their SUV usage contributes to the lack of oil for the container ships which carry us supplies? We may be a first world nation, but we have no ability to totally sustain us. We need America to sustain us and they do it by force feeding us reality shows and bullshit so we get too hooked into the box and don’t have time to pay attention to what it is that America is doing behind our backs. We have people being kidnapped from all over the world and held in secret American military bases around the world so they can be tortured for years without trial or charge.

We KNOW they are doing this! You’d be stupid to think otherwise. Why aren’t we in the streets protesting this fascist world power, crushing all of our liberties and being our best friend with a knife in our front! Oh that’s right, its cold out there and we’re all used to our horrendous fucking air conditioning units, which

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keep us feeling all nice and cozy while mother-fucking Africans are dying from being all hungry and shit on the other side of the world and it’s only hot chicks like Brooke Fraser who give a flying fuck! So lets all run down to the market in our SU bloody Vs and buy! Buy! Buy! Until our bloated bodies float off into space one day while we’re watching whatever horse shit the WB is forcing on us this season!

Oh my God Becky! I hope they have another teen drama where all the actors are

Closing date for applications 3rd June 2008 Coming to your university Career Fair

fucking thirty years old! About how life’s so hard for (fabulously rich) people who live in towns (with no black people) where it never rains except when some local “bad boy” (secretly in love with his step mom) has too much to drink and drives off a cliff during a rain storm! Then all the other “teen” actors and actresses can practice pretending to feel something other than incessant bliss and stupid ideas about what’s important. You’ll never hear any of them say “I’m never voting republican again, not after this Iraqi disaster!”

I’m totally getting some Subway and a Frappicino from Star Bucks! That’s what I’m doing! I’m going to fuck my best friend’s boyfriends little brother in a spa tub,

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which every house has at least one of! Then I’m going to go drink too much cos three beers are all it takes in these fucking shows! Then they’re spewing up and fucking their step dads and all sorts of bullshit! Bloody Hell!

18

ISSUE 07

GTA: I find that a lot of the criticism around us not banning the game is because it’s said ‘children shouldn’t be playing it.’ And my standard reply to that is we have banned it – for children. That’s what R18 means, It has been impossible to avoid the Grand Theft Auto 4 juggernaut rampaging through the news media over the past couple of weeks.

Concerns about the content of the game influencing players – particularly children – have both industry pundits and ban-happy lobby groups leaping aboard the bandwagon as enthusiastically as GTA4’s players line up to virtually “jack” cars.

It’s a good, old-fashioned media feeing frenzy, just like controversies past over comic books, violent movies, “video nasties,” and other, assorted, ready-made talking points. Meanwhile, the game’s publisher and developer, Take-2 Interactive and Rockstar, respectively, are mostly content to sit back, clam up, and lap up the sales.

And what sales they are! In the UK alone, GTA has become the fastest-selling game ever, selling through 600, 000 copies on the first day of release. The game’s opening US takings alone are expected to eclipse the best opening-day tally of the world’s biggest movie blockbuster, Spiderman 3, and may even have knocked previous game champion Halo 3 off the top-seller spot.

World-wide, the game is expected to sell upwards of 6 million copies, netting Rockstar and Take-2 somewhere in the region of $600 million dollars. Total sales for the entire Grand Theft Auto series hover around the 70 million mark, worldwide, putting revenues well into the billions. Games are big business, and GTA is the biggest game of all. No wonder there’s a controversy.

But, ultimately, why is there a controversy over games, in particular? Violent and pornographic material passes public muster every day, piped through our TV screens and sold to us with glossy covers in dairies. Adult content (in the wider meaning of the phrase) is an accepted and expected part of modern society. It’s when video games are branded “adult” that a hue and cry ensues. Why is this?

According to Luke Jacobs, it all comes down to the cliché catch-cry “Oh, won’t somebody please think of the children?”

Jacobs is brown-eyed, dark, and looks like an entirely normal bloke of university age. But his path of study is a bit out of the ordinary. He’s undergoing a Masters in Screen and Media Studies at the University of Waikato, and is writing his thesis on historical representation in video games. His supervisor is Dr Gareth Schott, a pioneering academic researcher into video games and gamer culture. Both assert that games, as a relatively new medium, are considered by an older generation as being literally “child’s play,” and a waste of time – and therefore, suitable only for children. Bring adult content into the mix and it’s easy for lobbyists – or concerned parents – to see games industry as pushing adult content on to children for a cheap buck.

And this is partly the industry’s fault, according to Jacobs.

“The games industry doesn’t

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really help themselves in this regard, most games are churned out for a commercial profit, they are primarily marketed at children, a huge percentage of games are G-Rated. So it’s a very small percentage of games that are actually adult orientated in the way that Grand Theft Auto 4 is. It is true, a lot of games are aimed towards children.”

people who buy these things for Christmas gifts. It’s not checkers, it’s not Monopoly. The same criteria that we use to classify films, dvds, videos, magazines, and stuff on the Internet is used to classify games. If you wouldn’t let your child watch an R18 video, you should not let your child watch an R18 game – and anyway, it’s illegal to let your child do that.”

Jacobs says the primary perception of games being “for kids” hasn’t changed very much because of the kid-centric marketing. “But I think if most people looked at the statistics around gamers, and saw that most of them were older, they have more purchasing power, and there [is a] trend developing where much

The penalties for giving children access to R18 rated material are severe. Three months in prison or a $10, 000 fine is the maximum term for an individual convicted of supplying restricted material to minors. For a retailer, the fine goes up to $25, 000. Rather a lot for a $115 game.

of the industry is geared towards adults.”

It’s a perception that many people, who have matured outside of games culture, are unable or unwilling to embrace. A recent interview with Chief Censor Bill Hastings on Sunrise illustrated this, where an outraged presenter, referring to the “terrible things” that can be done in GTA, says “and we’re talking about children here!”

Hamilton’s Centreplace Mall games retailer, David Emde, knows all about this. He works at EB Games, which has severe rules in place to

Players could re-enact having sex with a prostitute, beating her bloody, taking her money and running her over with a car and shooting at police officers

No, we’re not, Hastings averred calmly.

Children are not meant to play GTA. It’s a point strongly reinforced by the R18 rating New Zealand has slapped on the game.

Grand Theft Auto 4 – and the other GTA games – have all received R18 ratings from the Office of Film and Literature Classification. It’s not child’s play, which is the first thing Hastings pointed out when Nexus called him.

“I find that a lot of the criticism around us not banning the game is because it’s said ‘children shouldn’t be playing it.’ And my standard reply to that is we have banned it – for children.

That’s what R18 means,” he says, sounding like he’s said the same thing a lot over the past couple of weeks. “It’s illegal for anyone to make this game available to anyone under the age of 18, be it retailers, video shops, be it parents in their own home.”

So, just to get it straight, it’s the same rating as pornography?

“Yes,” Hastings says. “The word “game” really misleads aunties, grandparents, parents and

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make sure they don’t break the law by selling the game to anyone underage.

But, he says, people don’t understand the way the ratings system works.

“Yes, we get children coming in [to buy Grand Theft Auto 4,] often with their parents, and there’s not really a whole lot we can do for them. If the parent’s in with the kid, and they’re coming up to the till, it’s pretty obvious what they’re there for, and we can’t sell it to them. If we have knowledge that it’s going to be supplied to someone underage, we don’t sell it.”

It happens quite often, he says. There is a lot of confusion amongst parents about a “game” being rated Adults Only.

“Some just don’t care,” he says. “Or they don’t realise that there are those legal restrictions on it. Many don’t realise it’s the same as movies – they won’t show their kids an R18 movie, but they’ll show them an R18 game.”

It’s a point parents should really take on board, because not only is Grand Theft Auto an enormously popular, highly-rated game, it’s a very violent one – which is, by the creator’s

own admission, aimed exclusively at adults.

The series infamously allows the player-avatar to do such things as kill police, murder any number of “innocent” pedestrians, and solicit prostitutes – and then, if the player feels like it, run them over and take their money back. A particular flap was caused when it was revealed that hacking could open up a unfinished mini-game in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas which would allow the player to have semi-clad sex with a series of girlfriends – or whores. Dubbed “Hot Coffee,” by the media, the content led to Rockstar being involved in a US class-action lawsuit, which it settled for millions.

This, and other factors, have created a worldwide, vociferous anti-violent games lobby, which sees GTA as its biggest and best target – and politicians have proved more than happy to ride the lobby-horse come election time. The anti-games lobby is particularly active in the United States, where calls to ban the GTA and other games have gone as far as Congress. Democratic Presidential nominee Hillary Clinton is no fan of the game, saying it “degrades women.” State legislature attempts to ban the sale of violent video games (usually to minors) have been repeatedly shot down by the Supreme Court, which points to freedomof-speech protections enshrined in the Second Amendment to the US Constitution.

The issue in the US is that, under the Second Amendment, minors may buy the game, which is explicitly marketed and designed as an adult title. The Entertainment Software Rating Board or ESRB rates titles as an advisory system, and retailers selling the game to children break only unspoken laws of ethics. In fact, much of the clamour in the US is over whether it should institute a ratings system which bans the sale of violent games to minors.

Australian gamers face a similar conundrum.

The country lacks an R18 classification for games, and games containing “adult” content are refused classification, which is an effective ban. Rockstar was forced to self-censor GTA4 for its Australian release, trimming mostly sexual content, according to gaming website IGN.com.

But calls to ban the game here are plentiful, and they all too often seem to centre on the perception that all games, including GTA, are for children. Police Superintendent Bill Harrison, national manager of police youth services, was recently quoted in the New Zealand Herald linking a 25 percent rise in violent crime to the launch of the Xbox 360 – and games like GTA. “It was desensitising him to violence,” Harrison said of an unspecified game. “It was shifting his norm about how he would deal with conflict.”

Then there’s perennial pundits Family First, who were swift to call for a total ban.

“Players could re-enact having sex with a prostitute, beating her bloody, taking her money and running her over with a car and shooting at police officers,” Chairman Bob McCoskrie said in a press release.

“It is time we acted to protect our young people and communities from the effects and influences of these extreme types of video games. So-called ‘entertainment’ and freedom of expression should never be at the expense of the safety of our community, appropriate emotional and moral development of our children,” he said. (Nexus contacted BobMcCoskrie for comment on this article, but he did not return calls prior to deadline.)

The calls for banning violent games are not as shrill in New Zealand as they are in, say, the US – although in the week coming up to GTA’s release, you could be forgiven for thinking that the parents of the nation were screaming with one voice for a ban, such was the news media’s attitude. Bill Harrison comes off more as a concerned cop who was also a little confused about the nature of videogames than a genuine pundit.

Family First’s message is more rabid, demanding a total ban on the game. This isn’t surprising, considering a quick scan of its press releases also reveal calls for bans on the TV show Californication, Hell Pizza advertising and a number of billboards, one of which – an advertisement for Prime show Weeds – featured the “horrifying” image of a bag of marijuana..

New Zealand politicians, perhaps eager to replicate their US colleagues’ electioneering

successes, have also been drawn into the debate. Most have studiously avoided comment, but independent MP Gordon Copeland has decided to have a blast on the bandwagon.

“Independent MP Gordon Copeland today confirmed that he would like to see the Grand Theft Auto 4 video game banned in New Zealand,” said a press release from Copeland, who wastes no time in assuming a link between video game and real-life violence, courtesy of (largely discredited) US author David Rossman.

“These (video games) are actually killing simulators and they teach... to kill in much the same way the astronauts on Apollo 11 learned how to fly to the moon,” Copeland quotes Rossman as saying.

The problem with Rossman is that he’s widely derided as a hack in academic circles, who call him out for making his claims with little, no or

I think part of the problem is the word ‘games.’ And I think technology seems to get scarier the older you are. I think these things contribute to the odd perception that games are just for kids,

skewed research to back them up. According to Luke Jacobs, it is “very difficult to link causation to a particular game, or movie, or comic book, or CD,” when it comes to violent behaviour.

“I think when it comes to some games like [specific] military simulators, which the majority of gamers would have no interest in, there is some element of desensitisation going on there, between your task and what’s on-screen.

But these tasks are much more involved than what you’d be doing in GTA4. I think there could be a link, but as of yet, I’ve never read any research that would convince me that there is a link.”

The burden of deciding what children play and view, says Hastings, lies ultimately not with lawmakers, but with parents.

Obviously there will be enforcement issues – the police can’t be everywhere, in the bedrooms and retail counters of the nation – but I think the effective thing here is not fear of being caught, the deterrent is just doing the right thing, which is not letting your kids play an R18 game.”

But, ultimately, Grand Theft Auto 4 is not a game for children. It’s for adults, and the New Zealand legal system reflects this.

“This game was not designed for children. It just wasn’t. It’s clearly aimed at adults, which makes sense as the average age of gamers these days is around 28,” Hastings says, although he agrees that “the notion that videogames are just for children is really hard to disestablish.”

“I think part of the problem is the word ‘games.’ And I think technology seems to get scarier the older you are. I think these things contribute to the odd perception that games are just for kids,” he says. Jacobs agrees.

“Games are complicated,” he says. But, he adds, the world – especially in an academic, or scientific sense – is catching up.

“The beautiful thing is, there is already [serious academic criticism] of games,” he says. “It’s been going on for about ten years now. It’s a movement that took a long time to find a voice within the academic system, but it’s growing.”

He paints a hopeful picture: a new generation rises, weaned and bred on video games, who are far from the zombies the news media tend to portray them as. The gamers he describes play for enjoyment, but also critically evaluate their actions, while appreciating games as a necessary art form.

That’s right; art form. Asked if GTA4 is a “murder simulator or satire,” Hastings laughs.

“It’s interesting you mentioned satire,” he says.

“I actually do see a lot of humor in these. The machismo of the games is so exaggerated, it’s almost like it’s taking the piss out of something like the Sopranos. It’s so overblown, it’s like a 21st century Keystone Cops. Rockstar do know what they’re doing. You can just go anywhere in the environment – it’s so open-ended, it’s almost as broad as the imagination can be, and you’re constantly being amazed by them.”

It’s a fitting sentiment. Hopefully, as time goes by, the perception that games are merely “for children” will vanish as surely as the TV picture does when you switch a game off.

:30 AM starts are never my thing, especially when bedtime the previous night was around one. But as me, my girlfriend, parents, sister, her husband my grandfather Gordon and grandmother Eunice rose to meet the day for the Pukekohe ANZAC service I had no choice but to face the cold of the pitch black morning.

As we stood stamping our feet to keep warm in the morning breeze, I was introduced to number of Gordon’s fellow servicemen and RSA comrades. They stood humbly and cheerfully, medals pinned over sports coats and their Sunday best, awaiting their call to form ranks. My girlfriend was kind enough to lend her services to one grey veteran whose medals had flipped over on his jacket pocket.

“Thanks, I s’pose they should be displayed properly today,” he replied with a smile, that transferred into a few laughs between the guys. I later found out this was a small in-joke about the way some people over react about proper protocols on ANZAC day marches. But his aloof response seemed to come from a place different to that, somewhere that meant these medals earned for valour and bravery was commonplace to a generation.

After plenty of handshakes, laughs and introductions the Sergeant-Major stood and barked “Faaaaaall IN!” Slowly a large crowd of men, some with grey hair, some white, short, hunched, tall, broad and proud made their way to the centre of the road to begin their procession. Again the call came, “FALL IN!” and this time there was no jostling and joking, four long rows were formed and as attention

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was called. Piercing eyes surrounded by pocked flesh stared straight through the onlookers, as these heroes of our past stood straight as a board and those in wheelchairs arched as high as they could.

If a face can hold a map of the world, then think what could be learnt from these hundred or so staring back at me. Japan, the Solomon Islands, Burma, France, Italy, Germany, Belgium, Vietnam, Turkey, Korea, Africa and many other places, these men were sent by their country. To be in the company of those that made it home to get out of bed on cold mornings to stand before us every year was indescribable.

There is something ingrained by these veteran’s military service that never leaves them. It was clear to see this when the call “About FACE!” rang out along the street and these men with replaced hips, ‘buggered’ knees and bad backs all raised their right knee, swivelled to the front and stamped down in perfect unison with a crisp thud that echoed far past the crowd gathered at the cenotaph. Pipes filled the air as these men marched before their succeeding generations, whose existence would be drastically altered or non-existent without their efforts.

After the last post sounded and the final prayers of the service were read, it was time for breakfast. A short walk around the corner to the RSA saw hundreds of friends, family members and returned servicemen cram into the small dining room. The place was already abuzz by the time we arrived, with friends that have known each other three times longer

than I have existed reminiscing, new babies being introduced to great-grandfathers and the smell of rum and warmed milk seeping into everyone’s pores. I asked Pop if he wanted a coffee. He gave me a sideways look and simply replied “beer,” I had never gotten up this early to drink without having stayed up all night and here all these guys were, medals and pins glistening with the rising sun knocking back hard liquor. After a couple of coffees I had a cold dark one myself. Morning beer is awesome.

I gazed around the room at all the faces and spotted one man hunched over a green walker having breakfast with what I presumed was his family. Around twelve medals and a few badges clinked heavily on his chest. He was withered and small and one of his eyes was bloodshot red, I wondered what he would have looked like 60 years ago and what this man did to warrant his awards and how many ANZAC days would it be until his grandchildren marched in his place.

At the service there was talk of living in ‘peace time’ New Zealand. And whilst New Zealand is not currently in direct armed conflict the new generation of soldier was represented by a group of young men with crew cuts enjoying a pint against the far wall of the RSA hall.

I asked Pop what his four medals represented.

Something I had been meaning to find out

for a decade. One was for his services in Japan as member of J Force, one for his services in the territorial forces and another for his involvement with nuclear materials.

The pins on the other side of his jacket breast represented his life membership with the Wellsford RSA and others mementos of veteran get-togethers in New Zealand and overseas.

I had never really talked much to my grandfather, as up until a couple of years ago was a very stoic, closed person. He now seemed to be more open to conversation than I had ever realised. There was a Christmas many years ago where we butted heads about international affairs, especially to do with Africa. I ended up using an insult I definitely shouldn’t have. Something I have regretted to this day. But just the week before we had an easy conversation which ranged from the US primary elections, New Zealand politics and solutions to global warming.

When we got back to my grandparents house, I made the bold decision to make a few more enquiries about his military past. It wasn’t long before a photo album was brought out and photos of troop ships, Japanese soldiers sprayed with DDT, a division of young soldiers on leave in Tokyo, Chevy trucks and old war buddies (that I’m pretty sure even my father had never seen before) were shown to us.

There were also photographs of a man dressed in a World War One era uniform. The name

George Elstone along with his rank, division and brigade was proudly displayed below.

Pop placed an old, weathered finger on the photograph and said “That’s my Dad.” This short sentence caused everyone to freeze for a moment. Gordon had only found out around six years ago exactly who his father was. It was after many years of searching and chance meetings that he found out exactly where his heritage lay. Cousins then became half brothers, second cousins became nephews and nieces and an entirely new family was discovered. It was around this time of finding his family that a change occurred within my grandfather. We talked for a while that morning about family history. “You can ask me anything you like,” he told me. “A few years ago you couldn’t have talked to me about much, but now I’m happy to tell you anything you want to know”.

At around half past ten we drove out to Buckland, near Pukekohe, for the morning service there. The cenotaph there was merely a few hundred metres from where Pop grew up. He talked about what had changed over the last sixty years. In this small community, it was actually very little. A few trees here, a new house there, but the old farm houses and other buildings still stood as they had originally been.

The pipers appeared again to bring the soldiers in and everyone stood in silence once more as they marched pass. At this ceremony in the middle of nowhere, next to a memorial that you could easily miss travelling along the highway were names of the fallen soldiers from

the area. Next to these stood my grandfather, who to the tune of a bugle, solemnly lowered and then raised the flag of our nation.

The mayor of Buckland gave a speech which was interrupted by long, hard swallows and pauses to gain the composure to acknowledge the passing of a veteran, a much loved member of the community who had died just days earlier.

After the ceremony it was back to the photo albums where I was able to see a photo of Pop’s unit in Japan in 1946 and then other photographs of reunions over the years. It saddened me to see the faces of his buddies age and eventually disappear from the photographs. Talk eventually turned back to family. He talked about his sister which he only knew a few years before she passed away.

“I just wish I’d found out sooner, y’know. I finally get to know her and then she died.”

I’m glad that I have known this man my entire life, and that he was able to share his stories with me. The last of the original ANZACs died just a few years ago and with World War Two veterans being lost at the rate of over 1000 per day, it is us that must continue these traditions for those who have gone to hell and back and those who paid the ultimate sacrifice for everything we hold dear.

“We will remember them.”

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Prez Sez It’s been a bit crazy around here and I forgot to say a big congratulations to all the graduates who donned their cap and gown and took that big walk across the Founders Theatre stage or the Marae atea.

As President I get to sit with the official delegation and from there it’s easy to see the looks of relief and excitement about receiving their degrees and finally getting closure on all those years of study.

Most of those graduates are already out there in ‘the real world’ with great jobs that they secured some time last year (think accountants/ lawyers etc) and are sitting pretty with their new found wealth – and probably exhausted from the very un-student-like hours that they have to keep. Others are working towards further qualifications and we look forward to celebrating their achievements again when they complete that work.

As we get to the business end of the semester with assignments due and exams looming closer, make sure you pace yourself and find a happy balance between your social life and your studies. If you think that you need some extra help with your work (not someone to do it for you) go and see your lecturers, tutors, and even TLDU and ask for help. Remember, they can’t help you if you don’t ask – but they probably won’t help you if you ask for help the night before the exam or assignment is due.

Many of you will have noticed that the Village Green has turned into a bit of a ghost town now that the banks, Memento, and STA travel have all moved up to L Block. Don’t forget that Brett’s Dairy is still open, Ali is still selling his famous steak on rice, and the nice guy from Egypt still has the best kebabs on campus. For those of you who are of the vegetarian persuasion you can’t go past Gaura for a cheap and hearty meal (I’ve even seen some meat lovers enjoying some of this fabulous food). And last but by no means least, don’t forget that we’re all still here in the Student Union Building. If you need anything, have any questions, or just wanna chat, come down and say hi.

For those of you who are still partway through your undergrad the message is soldier on… it’s definitely worth it!

The WSU question of the week goes to Sian Smith who in the course of random discussion about creating herself a Bebo “Baby” enquired on how the WSU Hardship Fund was managed.

The Waikato Students’ Union provides a free Advocacy Service for students of Waikato University which is provided independently of the University and puts student’s interests first.

The Advocacy Service aims to help students with whatever concerns they wish to bring forward—including financial problems.

The WSU Hardship Fund is concerned with genuine financial issues that students face.

These issues include but are not limited to medical expenses (e.g. dental costs), emergency situations, and the basic necessities such as rent, power, phone, and food.

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Depending on the severity of the situation, the WSU Hardship Fund can either accommodate students with an approved interest free loan or a grant—the latter particularly relevant for unforeseen emergencies and situations that threatens the wellbeing of a students’ university education.

For more information and answers to your questions simply come to the Waikato Students’ Union and ask for Shannon Kelly, the WSU Advocacy Officer (her contact details are also on the WSU website).

Deni Tokunai International Students’ Director international@wsu.org.nz

NZU Rowing Championships were held at Lake Karapiro on the 19th & 20th April. Waikato – ‘the tribe’ on the water had a team of 16.

The emphasis was to put a men’s & women’s eights on the water & be competetive against favourites Otago. Waikato men were strong in finishing second to Otago, ahead of Canterbury & Auckland. The women finished 4th in their eights race. The two eights then split into men’s & women’s quads, 4’s, pairs & singles with some success mainly Sarah Alexander winning the champ single and bronze in the intermediate quad.

Thanks to Natalie, Matthew, Ross & Paula & WRC for use of the boats. It is hoped to build on the team and have the majority of this year’s team of the rowers available for the ‘Great Race’ in September and able to row for Waikato in the 2009 NZU Rowing Championships at Wanganui.

Think you’re being treated unfairly? See the WSU! The WSU: Sorting out power-trippers since 2002

By Whetu

Eduwhets 08 here. I hold the education portfolio in the WSU and the following scenario is an example of the type of stuff I do for students.

Johnny, a first year student, attends his tutorial and is advised by the

I spoke to the paper convenor about the whole situation and he fittingly rectified the situation without fuss.

tutor that on Easter Tuesday (an official Uni closed day) they would be holding their tut as per usual. The students are also advised that if they decided not to attend that particular tut it would be ‘OK’ because they would only loose one of their two lives for not attending a tut without an excuse (some papers only allow students 2 miss two tuts without excuse and if you miss more than 2 tuts without a verifiable excuse you start losing internal grades).

a power trip, overbearing or just a bit over the top. If you have problems like this situation above first contact your class rep in that paper. If you don’t have a student rep or you don’t think your situation has been properly rectified then come see us at the WSU office; up the corridor from Student Job Search (SJS) above the uni chemist. We can and advocate on your behalf, that’s our core business!

‘Least we forget’…how can we, it’s a public holiday and before all you haters start to fire e-mails about me being insensitive, I served in the “Senior Service” unlike Whetu who did his time as a ninja turtle carrying his home on his back in the Army.

Anyway this ANZAC day I had the honour of placing the WSU wreath at the dawn ceremony. It is important that we do these things as everyone

has a connection with either ex-servicemen/women or currently serving personnel.

ANZAC day is not just about remembering what has happened but is an opportunity to appreciate what our Armed Forces do for us disaster relief, search and rescue both on land and at sea and Peacekeeping.

In your Uni life you may encounter tutors, lecturers or administrators on

Varsity Sports Results

By AJ Hey troops, AJ reporting at your service. Hopefully you read my review article last week about the University Games 2008 in Rotorua, good times were had by all and I am pleased to say none of the Tribe got locked up or kicked out of their accommodation for that matter.

Anyway, as I am the WSU Sport and Recreation Officer I thought I would do something a little extra and provide the students from the almighty chang’ the low-down of the University’s sport team’s results from the weekend’s games.

Unicol Soccer Mens 1sts 2nds D1 D2 Womens B1 B2

lost 2-3 against Matamata lost 4-2 against Hamilton North won 3-1 against Unicol D2 lost 1-3 against Unicol D1 won 4-3 against Morrinsville drew 1-1 with Taumarunui

Games from Friday 25th April and Saturday 26th April Varsity Rugby Premiers won 33-19 against Te Rapa Reserves lost 29-33 against Te Rapa U85s

won 21-10 against Hautapu (undefeated this season)

If there are any scores from Netball teams and Hockey teams or any other University sports teams it would be wicked if you could get those to me. AJ on 027 632 2769 or email me at aj45@students.waikato. ac.nz.

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DATES: 3pm Friday 16th – 5pm Saturday 17th May COST:

35 Register at the WSU

reception desk by 9th May

Enjoy a real New Zealand cultural experience. Stay for one night at a Marae in Rotorua, enjoying traditional food, workshops, and activities while making new friends and experiencing a taste of Maori culture.

Send notices to nexus@waikato.ac.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Try and keep ‘em under 75 words. We will not accept handwritten or non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta. Oh, and we hear that personals ads work terrifyingly well, so give that a go as well – fun for everyone involved.

Random Stuff

Need help typing your assignments, I will type what you write. I do not proof read or check for grammatical errors, but will type your assignments as they are written and your writing must be legible. $7.00 per typed page neg. Text 021 205 3289 Freeloader.co.nz Where Students Buy and Sell No listing fees, success fees or registration charges, its FREE. Perfect for finding flatmates and buying and selling text books.

All management students now have there own bebo page! pick up hot chicks off it and share tutorial answers! just go to http://www.bebo.com/BMSRepresenT and join the revolution!

Where are all the Askew people at? Come join us Wed 1-2 at the QueerSpace in the Cowshed, next to the Student Union building.

We’re a friendly bunch and would love to see some new faces! :) LOOKN FOR A NICE ROOM IN A NICE HOUSE TO RENT 4 ONCE? Cheap as Room, In a Beaut Sexy House. F/F Big Yard, Elevated House In Aurora Tc. V. Peaceful. We have fish too. Big trees, vege garden, V. private, two decks.

Any Animal OK. HUGE Storage, 2 Gge, Study, home gym with treadmill etc. 2 outdoor parking.

2 bthrms, shower, bath. Prfct home to suit the “non-grungy” kind. We would love to have you =) call 0211317943. or 8583367 or email lb51@ students.waikato.ac.nz. Be quick!

Closest Flat To Uni Ever!

Located on Hillcrest Road Rent $95.00 + exp To share with 2 guys & a girl (proffesionals/ students) Contact: 027 4283486

On Wednesday May 7th Nandor invites students to talk on a personal level at Momento 2pm following his Tipping Point talk in S107 Topics can be Politics, The Environment, Religion, or just general dicussion.

WHAT: Fair Trade Fortnight: WHEN: 10 May-5 June WHERE: Trade Aid Hamilton, 104 Alexandra WHAT: Instore exhibition: Students from Te Wananga O Aotearoa Huntly Campus providing woven artworks combining harakeke [flax] & recycled items.

WANTED one new Flatmate to make up the 6th person. Less than 5min walk on Hillcrest rd. Very big and spacious 2 storey house and rooms. large back lawn, the perfect flat for a student. $85 rent + extras! contact craig on 0273534909 or email cmjr1@waikato.ac.nz.

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Our Not-So-Free Trade Deal with China The “free trade” agreement with the Peoples Republic of China, which is already signed and soon to be ratified by the New Zealand parliament, is not free as far as New Zealanders should be concerned. Not only is the agreement mislabelled—it fails to achieve free trade in an economic sense—but it certainly did not come for free, requiring great taxpayer expense and a sacrifice of our moral integrity.

The title of the agreement asserts that its contents bring about free or at least freer trade; the natural inference being that opponents must be anti-free trade and supporters must be pro-free trade. Regrettably, this logic is circulating within public debate virtually unchallenged. However, the inferred false dichotomy fails to grasp the range of perspectives and the complexity surrounding the issue, and it is about as brainless as the George Bush doctrine of “either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists.”

Free trade is the absence of impediments such as quotas, subsidies, tariffs, and all the politically convenient laws that prevent gains from trade and create perverse incentives by discriminating across industries.

If nations sought to promote free trade, they would repeal all such laws, and they would not wait around for other nations. However, rather than simply repealing impediments to trade, the New Zealand and Chinese governments have signed a document of almost a thousand pages, about as many as the Bible, with a majority of the pages outlining timeframes and regulations on an industry-specific basis. Sure, tariffs may be receding, but in general this “free trade” agreement is only creating more bureaucracy and entrenching industry favouritism.

If this agreement had been about free trade, virtually all of the taxpayer expense could have been saved. The three years and fifteen rounds of useless negotiations would not have been needed, and let’s not even imagine the cost of all the diplomats, consultants, lawyers, translators, and the whole plethora of officials entailed in the process. To show just how concerned they are about preserving our trust and saving taxpayer dollars, our government flew one hundred and fifty politicians and businesspeople over to Beijing to watch Phil Goff sign a bit of paper and to share in a good old get-together with the Chinese Communist party.

Of course, Helen Clark did promise to bring up China’s human rights record—in between the cocktails.

Perhaps we are not so concerned about the deal’s economic outcomes or the taxpayer expense. China is, after all, a rising world power, and,

as a small nation, we do well to stay on their good side and take a pragmatic approach to international relations. This line of reasoning does not account for the fact that the US is in conflict with China, and we could just as easily side with them for national defence purposes; but, forgetting the US for the moment, who are we snuggling up to, and for how long are we willing to turn a blind eye to her domestic issues? Let’s be honest, China is a one-party communist regime, and its claim to sovereignty is still disputed by the now multi-party democratic government that fled to Taiwan in 1949. The Chinese government is so oppressive and audacious that in 1989 at Tiananmen Square, right where Mao Zedong established the Peoples Republic only forty years earlier, they responded to protests by bringing in the military, tanks and all, and murdering hundreds (if not thousands) of civilians. Oh yeah, they really care about the people.

Similar tyrannical measures continue to this day, most notably in Tibet, where monks and nuns have been beaten and tortured to death for shouting slogans that are out of favour with the communist regime (who needs censorship laws with that sort of intimidation?). But, regardless of how bad things are domestically, the Chinese regime continues to receive favours from developed nations and still has veto power within the Security Council of the United Nations. The democratic government in Taiwan, on the other hand, which still proclaims itself to be the legitimate ruler of China, has been booted out of the UN and our government does not even recognize its existence with diplomatic relations. Such arbitrary and unethical treatment just goes to show how cheap the talk of our leaders really is when they express concern for human rights.

This supposed “free trade” agreement fails to live up its name—titled deceptively for political expedience—but perhaps of greater importance than the economic outcomes is the moral precedent we are setting by getting into bed with China. By signing and ratifying this agreement we are declaring to the world that we are willing to tolerate the brutality and ruthlessness of the communist regime.

Fergus Hodgson has a B.A. in economics from Boston University. He currently studies political science and tutors macroeconomics here at the University of Waikato. Feedback is welcome at flh2@students.waikato. ac.nz.

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On Being Awesome So right now it’s Thursday, I have a test tomorrow (which I am yet to study for), this column was due on Tuesday, (Actually Monday – Ed) I have class but have no idea where my books are or where I’m going to attain writing material, I haven’t had a chance to shower since yesterday and I’m broke. Some people might consider this a less than ideal situation (probably those who are forced to sit next to me), I on the other hand will take this opportunity to be awesome.

Since I don’t have a particular topic today, this article will be based on tips about living more like me…awesomely.

Tips for living like me: Firstly and probably most importantly is, surround yourself with awesome people.

I hang out with some real awesome people (you probably know who you are, if you’re reading this…otherwise you’re all wanknuts).

If you have awesome friends, awesome things will just happen to you. Word of warning though, I don’t mean awesome like your premature ejaculation will be fixed (I wish *sigh*).

Secondly, actively seek out awesome situations.

No matter what your mum says, you aren’t always cool. If you do nothing more than sit in your room cataloguing internet fetishes and their effect on your jackin’ times… no one will think you are cool (although if you do, I wanna see the list – 021 356 241). But if you happen to be a person who happens to do fun shit, you will be awesome. So next time you’re not – awesome try to awesome up your day with these ideas: brew beer in your closet, drive to somewhere far away for something you don’t need the night before a lot of class (Denny’s in Auckland, at 11:45pm), steal your favorite items of clothing from other people’s wardrobes, suit up or strip poker (hasn’t happened recently, but maybe after everyone reads this …).

Thirdly, make the conscious decision to be awesome.

I am a creature of weak will, depressingly low self-confidence, a tendency to be slightly paranoid in social situations and although I have never truly had sex with myself, making it difficult to judge, I dare say that I am not quite the industrial sex machine that I claim to be. This may confuse some of you, as it is well known that I’m orgasimacally awesome.

The reason for this is one day I woke up and decided to stop being a bitch and start being awesome. It might sound stupid, but it worked for me…well at least in my mind.

I guess all I done here was give you three paragraphs in a slightly wanky (and hopefully at least a little funny) fashion. Let’s hope you were as entertained reading it as I was mentally undressing people next to me when I wrote it… which is a lot, like seven and a half inches of fun.

Oh, and as per request: P.S. Emily and Amanda are really cool/funny/ hygienic.

T’was a night of great consumption, when I summoned up the gumption, To hone my bone on my very own lonely Hamiltonian whore, Her milky breasts had woo’d me, thus I silkenly and smoothly, Suggested somewhat rudely, that we moan upon the floor.

She lay down prone once I had shown my rigid 1-foot-four, And so we boned ‘til we were sore.

Proof was demanded of me that it is possible to have a romantic and poetic night involving whores, Edgar Allen Poe, and Hamiltron: City of the Future; so to Sarah from C-block and to the lovely lass from Axcess, there is the proof.

Any other bizarre requests can be emailed to Nexus.

You might have noticed a lot of Grand Theft Auto-y stuff in this mag, so I’ll stay away from that, but it did bring something else to

mind that is actually relevant. The other day Joshitor (Josh the Editor) asked me to ask the Magic 8-Ball a question, so I asked if there was a pattern behind the number of teenagers showing up dead in rivers. Apparently it was a little too soon to touch on that, but that just made me think (and say) “When is it too soon to say what the fuck, why are people dying everywhere and no-one is doing anything?”

The newspeople are happy to give time to a videogame yet a whole bunch of unsolved murders and a three-time rapist still at large in Hamilton go unattended because it’s old news. If the world was just, the people in charge of the police policy to harass motorists, abuse liquor-licensees and chase drug-dealers would get robbed, have their houses tagged, get raped three times, have their dairy robbed and their Indian son beaten, and then wake up dead in the river. Then, Voltron would come and we would have a dancing competition and

he’d win – but not by much – and then he’d invite me back to his place for parties.

I realise the police have proof that P-dealers shoot rockets from their eyes and have laserbreath and power their P-machines with children’s tears, but wouldn’t it be nice to go back to being a country where a non-fatal stabbing made national headlines for a couple of nights? Sounds like a pipe dream, but fuck me if it wasn’t only 6 years ago when murders were bad.

Maybe the cops could take a lesson from Grand Theft Auto. As broken as the law is, if someone fucks with the rights it protects they should forfeit their own rights. Anyone who bitches about the way the police do their jobs (once they start doing them properly) should be disconnected from the 111 service. I’d make a public retraction of my above bitching if I could sleep with a guarantee that the next person who tried to rob my house would get their skull kicked in by a police-issue boot.

By Kirill

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Or: What I did on my holiday Fuck what a weekend! Four nights in a row of gigs. If I wrote a gig review for each one we could have a whole magazine by itself – so apologies to the bands involved but this has to be a column. The first was Korn on Thursday. We completely missed Chimera, the whole reason for me going, as they played at 7.30! What band starts at 7.30 besides Simon & Garfunkel? The Korn mosh pit was crazy. I’ve never been beaten up by so many 13 year old girls in my life. I was head butted, punched in the balls and even bitten as hordes of girls tried to get to Jon Davis, a man who has “HIV” tattooed on his shoulder …oh well, who am I to judge? Friday was El Schlong, World War 4 & Congaline. World War 4 was as solid as always, but El Schlong are now one of my favourite Kiwi bands. Like a metallic Pink Floyd or even like a NZ version of Tool (funny given their names, penis references?)

Friday was the Auckland Metal Fest. Eleven hours of Heavy Metal at Powerstation with huge performances from a range of awesome bands.

Like Just One Fix, Cripple Mr Onion (Terry Pratchett reference?), Human and so many others. Sunday was The Berzerker with State of Integrity, Blacktooth, Bloodletting, Coffee Rage and Every Man for Himself.

I started the evening seeking a beer with very wasted former DIC

I think it’s time for me to actually do some work, so I’ve been watching the news.

There’s this Austrian bloke, Josef Fritzl, who (as I’m sure many of you are aware) has fathered seven of his own grandchildren, and held his daughter and her children captive in a basement somewhere for longer than I’ve been alive. I don’t intend on going too far into detail, as that’s not what I’m here for.

Far from detail, let alone the facts, I want to delve into the realm of bizarre theories, and wild speculation. First and foremost, this Fritzl character bears a striking resemblance to Jim Carrey’s depiction of the Grinch. I point out that in addition to his appearance, he’s done things that take away a child’s innocence, and ruin their childhood.

Stealing Christmas, holding

drummer Maka, complete with woolen beanie and aviators he staggered into Fox and Hound with me, we bought a beer and then almost got kicked out cause he was singing Mr Crowley at the top of his lungs. Not one that the oldies having an evening Guinness appreciated! Blacktooth and Bloodletting were as awesome as they always are – great to see Blacktooth performing again, especially in their first performance with a new drummer. Also great to hear was my favourite Bloodletting song Chainsaw. State of Integrity was awesome too, especially as they were selling their own range of G-strings for the Boganettes in our lives! But The Berzerker had to be seen to be believed. Industrial Death Metal, moshing ensued, crowd surfing – utterly amazing. Trying to mosh to a song that’s 260bpm is hard work but the crowd did well!

The moral of this story is SUPPORT KIWI METAL! There’s so much cool shit going on that you really should keep an eye out. During Kiwi music month we’re going to be playing 100% kiwi music on the radio show so check out Metal Worx, Thursday nights 9pm 89fm or www.backbeat. co.nz. Also check out the photos of stuff you’ve missed (and hopefully some vids soon) at www.bebo.com/metalworxradio and drop us a line!

Okay, exhale.

people captive for near a quarter of a century, it’s all relative.

Enough talk about kidnappers and incest, those kids are going to have a hard life.

Primarily, in my humble opinion, because they haven’t ever seen sunlight. Thanks a bunch Josef, you’ve spawned a six-man squad of World of Warcraft players. Ordinarily, I have no problem with families sharing common interests, or people who enjoy MMORPG’s.

For those who don’t yet know, this stands for “Many Men Online Role Playing as Girls.” I do have a problem, however, with a bunch of kids playing online games, who clog up my internets with their jibba-jabba about daddy issues.

So that’s pretty much my point for this week.

If I’m on the web, trying to derive inspiration for next week’s article, and a page doesn’t

load for twenty minutes, I blame Josef Fritzl.

If you, the reader, are trying desperately to send me fan mail, but your Gmail won’t load up, blame Josef Fritzl. Austria, as a country, is great. They brought us The Governator, they gave us Joseph Haydn, and um, Red Bull.

It’s people like this guy however, that bring countries to the attention of the media, and not in the cool, “A New Zealand biochemist has cured cancer,” way.

But I suppose all countries have their bad eggs, don’t they? Someone had to start the sheep shagging rumour, or the whole “Oh, an Irishman, I bet he’s a drinker…” I say we round up the idiots who go around giving their homelands a bad name, and put them in the corner of a round room.

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Dear Agony Art I’ve started dating a girl again, having gone out with her years ago. The sex is great, so my question isn’t really about that. My problem is that four years ago she had a shaven haven and now she’s got the Grizzly Pants from Hell. Sorry to be so frank, I just have no other way to explain just how crazy hairy it’s got down there. What should I do to deal with this problem of mine?

Kristopher Slyguy Dear Mr Slyguy It’s not uncommon for men of our generation to be afraid of female pubic hair. After all, most of the first girls we ran off a few knuckle children over had shaven pubic areas. Most girls these days have felt the need to shave their pubes off to impress men, less they be seen as unclean by men. Ladies, I have one thing to say to this thought: bullshit.

The only thing that looks more unclean than pubes is a barren wasteland punctuated by ingrown hairs, rashes and scabs from jobs poorly done.

Also, something to think about when musing on the qualities of pubic hair is this: hair can be made to smell a lot nicer than skin and easier.

Aromas like perfume or cologne will stick to hair easier than to bald,

possibly scabby flesh. A well shampooed and conditioned patch of hair above the oyster wallet is a breath of fresh air when you compare it to the natural (but still gross) odour which normally emanates from the clam ditch. Be thankful that your girl has got some hair down there, because all it takes is a little bit of shampoo to turn a stinky sex pit into a delicate, hairy rose.

Dear Agony Art I’m not an old man, but I’m definitely not young, having just recently broached the 40 year old mark. What I want from you are some tips on how to pick up university girls. I’m so lonely… and they’re so sexy!

Jon Who Eats Placenta (for real) Well, Jon Who Eats Placenta, have you tried talking to women your own age? I know it might seem a little difficult, due to most of them being married. This is because they didn’t spend their younger years jumping from partner to partner and are now happily settled and have children in the age group you yourself are now targeting. I think I speak for many of the young girls of Waikato when I say this: “Fuck off, you creepy old bastard”

LECTERN With Claire Breen In a society that is increasingly concerned with rising levels of violence, it is rather incongruous to criticise individuals who suggest that raising children need not, and should not, include the use of physical discipline.

In many other contexts, when one person hits another it constitutes a criminal offence.

The amendment to section 59 of the Crimes Act 1961 (“the antismacking law” as some like to call it) goes some way to reassessing our attitudes towards violence both within our society in general and within our families in particular. It serves to render more equal the law must deal with the use of physical force within the family unit. For example, if a husband hits his wife in order to stop behaviour that he does not like, that act is illegal. Thanks to the amendment to section 59, if that same man then turns around and hits their child because the child was behaving in a manner that he did not like, there is a greater likelihood that the second act of hitting the child may be treated the same as the first act of hitting the wife, i.e, as a criminal act.

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Many individuals have sought to dismiss the call for equality of protection as an undue interference in the rights of parents to raise their children as they see fit. Children are different to adults because of their physical and mental immaturity and, in the main, they behave differently. Some argue that children are unable to reason whereas it is more accurate to say that children’s reasoning is simply different to adults. Many parents seek the right and the power to respond to this immaturity, to this difference, by way of the use of physical discipline, Yet if the distinction is simply based on a difference on the ability to reason, why do we not hit those adults incapable of reason? Why do we not hit the individual whose reasoning differs from our own? The reason is because it is illegal.

In a society that is increasingly concerned with rising levels of violence, the extension of the law to protect some of our most vulnerable members of society is to be welcomed.

GTA series has a story. There are scores of characters with histories, friendships, and varying degrees of moral degradation, and it is worth

Grand Theft Auto 4 Review Flash Medallion I went and picked up GTA4 at midnight from EB Games on Monday when it was released, and basically stopped playing it about 3 hours ago because I had an 8am lab and I’d already missed enough classes this week. It’s pretty damned awesome. This is supposed to be a review, but I’m not really going to review it that much because anyone who knows about the game knows it was expected to be Game of the Year material, so all you need to know if you haven’t played it is that it delivers.

Instead I thought I’d put my two cents in about the whole anti-GTA violence carnival, after having played the new game.

At the eye of the shitstorm centred on GTA are the allegations that it promotes and glorifies violence, profanity, drug culture, reckless driving, degradation of women, and running down cops with a truck, amongst other things. These claims seem to be coming from people who’ve never played the game. Sure, they’ve seen videos of it or watched their kids giggle with murderous glee, but what this deprives these commentators of is context. Now obviously these various acts aren’t exactly excusable by any means, but it pays to bear in mind that

noting that next to nobody gets away clean. Drugs in particular get a very dark treatment; in the 20 year history that’s been built up in the series, countless would-be big-time criminals and well-meaning accomplices have fallen on the wayside due to drug involvement, usually from getting high on their own supply, and always landing the player controlled protagonist (who is unfailingly anti-drugs) in serious shit.

Similar themes are played out for greed, revenge, money, and so on.

What I’m getting to is that GTA4 takes this even further.

The underlying tension in the game comes from (main character) Nico’s relationship with his cousin Roman: Nico’s self-sacrificing efforts to help Roman and bail him out of trouble are constantly thwarted by Roman’s crippling gambling addiction which is constantly landing him in greater and greater trouble with gangs and mobsters. Nico’s desire to leave his old life of crime behind is at direct odds with his only means of making enough money to start anew. Pot-smoking rastas, steroid-addicted whiteboys, crack-dealing homeboys and wannabe players in over their heads are played for laughs as we meet them, then the odd dark moment as we get to know them, and finally played dead straight as their chosen path is realistically (and soberingly) taken to its logical - selfdestructive - conclusion.

GTA is also renowned for its multi-layered social satire, and it comes as no surprise that lawyers, politicians, soccer moms, feminists and bigots rage against it once again, because this round not only hits the social nail on the head, it drives it scandalously close to the truth. music, which as I’ve previously mentioned is a big deal. Not that you want to actually listen to the music though; the biggest problem is that the two ladies pretty much just stood at the counter, which is well within earshot of any given conversation in the matchbox sized café.

“Coffee is the life blood that drives the dreams of champions” - in the wise words of Mike Ditka. Problem here is, as those of us who went to school in the early 90s know, we are all champions. What you want to know now is, how do I become a better champion than the dude sitting next to me? Well, I’ll tell you – drink good coffee. Therefore, when I go out for coffee, I expect to a) get my money’s worth and b) feel like a champion. This week, unfortunately, I got neither.

As most of you may have noticed, in my first review I said that I would be reviewing River Kitchen last week, but then I didn’t, and I’ll tell you why, because it looked really unexciting. I stood outside and it didn’t pull me in, it didn’t have a hook…it just didn’t do ‘IT’ for me. But, being a man of my word, I decided to give them a second chance this week, and went in anyway.

There seemed to be a really good range of food and drink available; sweet and savoury; and hot and cold; although there was a mysterious lack of coffee flavorings, which a lot of people rate highly in their latte.

We got a coffee, a herbal tea and also a muffin to share. The muffin was $5 on its own, which, in my opinion, is way too expensive, and the coffee and herbal tea came to about a $8.50. There was also no ambient

My other big gripe is that this was a particularly cold Thursday morning, and someone thought it would be a super idea to leave the doors and windows open, which pretty much make up the entirety of the front wall. And so, the place was cold, not freezing, but that sorta cold where all your hairs on your arms and legs stand up, making me an unhappy camper.

All that aside, the coffee came out in a timely manner, and was actually really good (NB: I like my coffee strong, and if you prefer a more mellow taste, you may not be so keen) as was the muffin, but it was just a little too late for River Kitchen, unfortunately the atmosphere was terrible.

So Scores for this Week: Service 7/10 Food 8/10 Coffee 7.5/10 Atmosphere 2/10 River Kitchen scoring an average 24.5/40 this week. In my opnion it is just another generic café, with a severe lack of character. In a city where there is such a diverse range of cafes, I would recommend going somewhere that will make you feel like you got your money’s worth.

Rock On Champions, Thunder McLOUD!

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Title: Before I Die Author: Jenny Downham Publisher: Random House $36.99 Reviewed by Kelly Badman Have your tissues ready when you pick up Jenny Downham’s fantastic debut novel Before I Die. It is the heartbreaking yet joyous story of a teenage girl, Tessa who begins making a list of things she wants to do before she dies; kiss a boy, have sex, fall in love, shoplift, try drugs, get drunk, spend a whole day saying yes to everything.

The only problem is time is fast running out.

Tessa is dying.

So with just months to live as her cancer filled body slowly shuts down, Tessa realises her life

will be over before it really begins and thus, starts stubbornly ticking off her to do list - even if it will kill her quicker. And in the process, she discovers her identity and sense of self and all told in a remarkably uplifting, touching and soul stirring manner.

Don’t let the fact that the book is marketed as young adult fiction put you off. I left my teenage years behind quite a while ago now yet I loved every bit of this novel. I laughed out loud at and with Tessa, I tisked at her rebellious behaviour, I cringed at her squirm worthy embarrassing moments, I felt her resoluteness at the endless hospital trips, needles and

nurses, and boy, I cried when she cried. Any book that can provoke such strong reactions in its reader is a definite winner, no matter what the publishers decide the target audience should be.

THE TRIAL OF COLONEL SWEETO AND OTHER STORIES: A COLLECTION OF THE COMIC STRIPS OF THE PERRY BIBLE FELLOWSHIP

By Nicolas Gurewitch Reviewed by Joshua Drummond Prepare to laugh until you cry and snot comes out your nose, and then prepare for your friends to do the same when you show them this book. If this sounds unpleasant, it’s not.

The ridiculously-titled (don’t let it put you off) “THE TRIAL OF COLONEL SWEETO AND OTHER STORIES: A COLLECTION OF THE COMIC STRIPS OF THE PERRY BIBLE FELLOWSHIP” is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a very long time. I was already familiar with Nicolas’ webcomic before I read the print version, but I found going through the strips for the second time just as hilarious – perhaps more – than the first time on the internet.

TTOCSAOS: ACOTSOTPBF, as I probably shouldn’t refer to it for short, is not for the fainthearted. As you might be able to tell from the hint of blasphemy in the name “Perry Bible 34

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Fellowship,” this series contains only the most pitch-black, off-kilter humour I’ve ever seen in a comic. Some strips are genuinely disgusting, which makes them even funnier, but they are all very, very smart. This is a comic for clever people. If you’re a clever person you probably won’t be offended by that statement, but if you’re the sort of person who says “I don’t get it,” about a Garfield strip, steer clear of this book. Everyone else – and seeing as I’m writing to a university audience, this is hopefully all of you – should absolutely buy this wonderful, beautifully presented, very comic book. It’s available now at Mark One Comics.

We’ve also got one to give away!

Simply email Nexus (nexus@waikato. ac.nz) with the darkest joke(s) you know, and we’ll pick a winner. (We’ll also print the best ones.)

With Dr Richard Swainson To many a young film goer Charlton Heston might only be the crazy old man at the end of Michael Moore’s documentary on gun culture, “Bowling for Columbine”. Ambushed

by Moore’s guerilla tactics, unprepared for a barrage of questions pertaining to his role as head of the notorious National Rifle Association and an interviewer who refused to show deference to his super star status, he was cruelly exposed. Contemporary cinema has offered few more poignant images than that of a stooped Heston, hobbling off in retreat after being bested in debate by the type of smug ‘liberal’ that he could have eaten for breakfast in his prime. It plays like a sad parody of a conventional Hollywood fadeout. An American icon is deconstructed before our eyes.

It has never been established whether Heston was then already suffering from the

By Art Focker

Sydney White Starring: Amanda Bynes

I’ve seen a lot of films that fell out of America following Animal House. Most of you reading this have also: American Pie (all six of them), Sorority Boys, Accepted and so on. The list is endless, with most of them these days going straight to DVD. Going straight to DVD is what Sydney White should have done. It’s a retelling of the Snow White fairy tale, only the palace is an elite sorority house, the evil stepmother is the house president and the seven dwarves

Alzheimer’s disease that effectively ended his career soon after. Much like his old buddy Ronald Reagan Heston’s utterances and actions could be read as ‘mad’ by his political opponents long before he was clinically diagnosed as such. The catch phrase that he was best known for in later years, a bizarre bit of rhetoric that talked of how the gun control lobby would have to wrestle weaponry from his “cold dead hands” if it wanted to mess with his constitutional rights, points to the way he conflated his screen roles with his real life political persona.

Heston the actor and the movie star deserves to be remembered for a lot more than this.

Hollywood’s most celebrated action set piece, the film’s chariot race.

If later epics like “The Agony and the Ectasy” and “55 Days at Peking” lacked the dramatic weight or box office success of his early work it was no fault of Heston’s. He demonstrated his range in westerns like “The Big Country” (stealing the film from Gregory Peck) , “Major Dundee” and the cult “Will Penny” before finding a niche in the cycle of late 1960s/ early 1970s science fiction. “Planet of the Apes”, despite or perhaps because of the melodramatic overplaying of its closing scene, became a defining role.

No performer dominated the epic like he did, balancing an always appropriate sense of his character’s grandeur with the real and the intimate. Two roles for Cecil B de Mille, a circus ring leader in the all star best picture winner, “The Greatest Show on Earth”, and Moses in “The Ten Commandments”, established his credentials. A richly deserved Oscar in “Ben Hur” made him immortal.

Heston is equally impressive in quiet scenes of anguish, struggling to come to terms with his family’s leprosy, as he is at the centre of

Heston’s most significant contribution to the medium may well have been his insistence that Orson Welles be hired as the director of “Touch of Evil”. This afforded him a brilliantly written and nuanced part in a genuine masterpiece.

Perhaps there is a certain irony in the fact that this most WASPish of political personalities is cast as a liberal Mexican policeman, but Heston would not have seen that way. Whatever the flag waving, gun toting insanities of his dotage, he marched with Martin Luther King when it counted and was always quick to remind the world of such.

are replaced with seven dorks. Unless you’re fourteen and think Amanda Bynes is ‘just so totally awesome and y’know’, you won’t be going to see this film in a hurry.

and you’ve got a very unsatisfying love story.

Oh, he’s a rich boy who spends his time off feeding the homeless? Get a life!

The big stumbling block this film runs into is when it tries to make a film set in an American college family friendly. So say goodbye to all the sex jokes, any brief flashes of nudity, all of the swearing and pretty much all of the drinking (however, when alcohol is drunk it’s a magic alcohol that turns people sleepy inasmuch as it has any effect at all), leaving the viewer with a hollow feeling. Watching Sydney White is like eating an imaginary pie: fun for kids, but stupid and unfulfilling for anyone with qualifications above Fifth Form.

The love interest (the imaginatively named Edward Prince) plays like more of a stalker than a crush and is also obviously not 19. In fact, Wikipedia.com tells me he’s almost thirty. Add to this Amanda Bynes’ cheap rip off of Lindsey Lohan in Mean Girls with the verbal diarrhoea

The killing blow in this film, delivered painstakingly over the final half hour or so, is the vomit-laden whirlwinds of feel good vibes, which come screaming out of the screen and make everyone feel really ace about being white and American. I had to fight my urge to just walk out as wave after wave of attractive woman threw themselves at the seven dorks.

These guys aren’t just dorks, they’re outright disgusting to the eye. Just because you put a hair iron through your hair doesn’t mean you are now attractive to the Barbie clones swarming around your local university.

Pretty much the only reason to go see this film is so you can play a very long, very tedious game of spot the minority.

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Zurich is stained and it’s not my fault Every now and again in a young man’s life, there rises the irrepressible need to listen to music that is loud and heavy, where the vocals are equal parts percussion and melody, the lyrical themes are violent and destructive in nature, and the amalgam of these ingredients inside the listener’s ear reflect and resonate an unnameable burning within.

Thankfully there are whole genres dedicated to the uncontrollably angry young man in all of us. Yes, like all other categories of music, there is a lot of mud to crawl through to get to the life-invigorating phonic springs, but in the overflowing heavy metal fountain we have masters such as TOOL, Pantera and Sepultura to thank for keeping our thirst quenched.

Cavalera Conspiracy features members from two out of three of the above mentioned legends of metal and almost makes you feel a little ripped off that a vocal line couldn’t be given to Maynard Keenan to make a truly perfect

supergroup circle complete. In any case you can hear Rex Brown’s (Pantera) bass on “Ultra Violent”, and for the main part you get the Cavalera brothers back together again for the first time in 12 years! along with Max’s fellow Soulfly guitarist Marc Rizzo and Joe Duplantier (Gojira) keeping time to Igor’s kick patterns. The album is called Inflikted and if you’re hanging out for a wallop around the ears and a good ol fashion head bang and air guitar sesh in yer living room, this is required radio.

Meanwhile, on the local gig front don’t forget to check out the guide (on page 38) for your entertainment options and might I recommend lending your ears to Pete Fountain this Friday night (May 9). Stroll on down to La Commune order some of their tasty fries and your choice of poison to wash it down with and settle back for some acoustic gems from one of Hamilton’s leading songwriters. Fountain will be supported

by Rab Heath, Xiyao and Rachel of whom I will know nothing about until Friday. Surprises, yay! Also, don’t forget the Mint Chicks play the Yellow Submarine on Saturday with support from The Transistors.

Song of the Week: “Fillmore Jive” by Pavement off the album Crooked Rain Crooked Rain

CD Reviews REM

SHIHAD

Accelerate (Warner Music) After over 26 years of putting the rock back into country rock and the rage back into garage folk, you know what you’re gonna get with REM. But it hasn’t always been that way and the true brilliance of these three (used to be four) Georgian lads cum rock legends stems from their ability to straddle a multitude of rock genres while remaining instantly recognisable and even palatable to mainstream listeners, even if they don’t get the lyrics. A lot of this can be put down to Stipe’s unmistakeable mumbly gravely vocals and Peter Buck’s requisite jangly arpeggioed chords. They haven’t always hit the right spot and it is fair to say that, give or take the odd single hither and thither, REM haven’t fully satisfied since the late 90s. But all that stops here.

Accelerate is a welcome return to form, appreciation for the songs growing with each subsequent listen. It all gets off the ground swimmingly with the swinging grungy and wittily Morrissey-esque titled “Living Well is the best Revenge” and in the middle of the album where one anticipates a slump they place the brilliant dark folk of “Houston”, the compelling title track and two tracks reminiscent of some of their past classics, “Until the day is Done” and “Mr Richards”. The album concludes without any sign of concentration wavering, the tongue remains firmly in the Stipe cheek, and your ear stays interested until the very last note.

The Beautiful Machine (Warner Music) There is an interesting irony in the lyrics of the first song and single, “One Will Heal The Other”, off this the sixth effort from Shihad Pacifier Shihad.

Right there in the poppiest single the Had has written in 16 years, Toogood is heard crying ‘it’s all the same, same, same’, later on the irony deepens as he chastises religious zealots in “The Bible and the Gun” for being ‘just the same as all the rest’. Their absolute obsession with cracking the American market resulted in Shihad feeling the need to change their name and then revert to the old moniker, something that could be forgiven if the music at least remained rock steady. I hate to say it but I think they have missed the mark with The Beautiful Machine. Taken in isolation it has its merits, hook lines as catchy as Chlamydia in uptown Hamtown on a Saturday night, plenty of anthemic sing-a-long choruses, but really – you can get that from the Feelers, Goodnight Nurse or 48 May. In trying to formulate songs for the US rock mainstream Shihad have forsaken their point of difference – those wall of sound industrial guitars playing killer rock/metal riffs backed up by Larkin’s Bonham-like blasts on the kit.

As Nietzsche quipped: “be careful in casting out your demons, lest you cast out the best within you.”

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ISSUE 07

Beowulf Special Edition

Motorhead: The Best of Motorhead

REVIEWED BY BURTON C BOGAN

REVIEWED BY BURTON C BOGAN

Beowulf is the classic story of the monster Grendel and one man’s attempt to slay the beast that has been terrorizing the local Danes who uncovers the monster’s terrible secret in a Shortland Street-style plot. But hey who cares, there’s some killing to be done.

A group of us went to see Beowulf as part of Emma’s birthday. We all sat in the theatre, Urkle 3D glasses on and watched it. When the opening titles flew past my shoulder I accidentally exclaimed “HOLY SHIT!” much to my embarrassment. So for me the most impressive bit was the titles! Also amusing was stopping to watch people try and grab stuff, or dodge things like spears seemingly come at them. So I was pretty keen to watch the DVD and try and sit in my chair at home complete with 3D glasses and watch it again. Sadly this isn’t the 3D version. But we still have some of the glasses so I sat there with them on anyway and watched the movie again, despite there being no 3D effects. But having said that the CGI is amazing still, in some parts it’s almost like they’re live action characters. This was a particular highlight for Burnzy, as a CGI nude Angelina Jolie is still a CGI nude Angelina Jolie (even if it is the Barbie version if you get my drift!). Another highlight of the theatre experience was the look on a wasted Burnzy’s face, complete with glasses, which made him look like a computer nerd that’s just proved that Kirk is superior. For the ladies, there’s some wang-age and muscles of a seriously enhanced Ray Winstone (who let’s face it, is probably more of a cocktail weenie and two grapes kinda guy). From such a stellar cast (Hopkins & Malkovich, not Jolie or Wright-Penn) you’d expect a good vocal performance, which for the most part you get.

Included in the second disc is the usual extras you would expect from a CGI extravaganza with various making of’s and featurettes that as a movie geek I love to have, but rarely watch! Overall a classic story,

The first time I heard Motorhead was Ace of Spades on The Young Ones. I was wearing onions in a sack round my neck, which was the style at the time. They were playing on that episode where The Young Ones represent Scumbag College at University Challenge (a classic episode).

That was about 20 years ago I think, so you can imagine my excitement that Vitamin C and I went with a group of mates to see them not that long ago. Ah the hilarity. But that’s another story…

As you can tell I’m trying to fill up space with waffle because to be brutally honest I don’t really know what to say about this one. This is just straight out, no frills Motorhead, with fifteen straight tracks of some of their best stuff which comes to around 45 minutes. It starts off with stuff from 1979, songs that we all know like Ace of Spades and Overkill and has material from round about the middle of their careers.

However this isn’t really a best of in my opinion, surprisingly absent is In the Name of Tragedy (my favourite Motorhead song) and Whorehouse Blues. But like all ‘Best ofs’ you’re never going to please all of the people all of the time. There are no interviews or backstage stuff or anything either. I really think that bands don’t fully utilize the DVD medium, while music videos are cool as a fan (and a music geek) I like to know all the background and crazy party stuff that goes on when the cameras are usually off.

Overall this is a bit of a disappointment, but still one worthy of a drunken play or two at parties.

And that’s about it really; I could end the review here.

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Listings courtesy of Mammoth and the Hamilton Community Arts Council Axces NZ Music Month Competition - Heat 2 Fri 9 May, Doors open 7pm @ Axces Bar – Free entry Celebrating NZ music month, heats every friday of the month of May. Final last Friday! Winner takes 5 grand!

Pete Fountain, Rab Heath, Xiyao + Rachel Fri 9 May, Doors open 8pm @ La Commune Cafe – $5 or donation

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ISSUE 07

Make love, not war! Acoustic live music from Pete, Rab, Xiyao and Rachel at La Commune Cafe.

JDay Saturday May the 3rd

Smith N Jones presents Electro/House & Breaks

@ Hamilton Lake Domain Stage Bands: Ska Child, Pork Soda, Skelitor, Geronimo, The Brothers Grimm and Canna Sutra Food and Coffee by La Commune

Sat 10 May, Doors open 9pm, Starts 11pm, Finishes Sun 11 May 2008, 3am @ Kremlin Bar – Cost TBC

The Mint Chicks, The Transistors, Damsels

The best of fat basslines, electro dirty and twisted with Ministry and Ibiza anthems of Summer 2008, mixed up and destroyed by DJ Sai (Smith N Jones) Spongebar resident DJ + Guests. Mix CDs given away on the night. We will be cranking it from 11pm through to 3am!

May 10th @ The Yellow Submarine Tickets available from CD 4 Nix Door sales also available