issue 8

Is a Student Hub worth your fees? 路 Uni Games 路 Graduation

Graduation 2006

Issue 8 路 1 May 2006

School of Ed, Thurs 27

Graduation

Issue 8 路 1 May 2006

Cheap Entertainment no legs?

Q: What do you call a cow with Contrib uted by A: Ground beef Gary O liver

The reason why I never visit RICH people!

Question: What would you like to have….Tea/Coffee/Fruit Juice/ Chocolate/Milo?

Answer: Tea please….

Ceylon tea/herbal tea/bush tea/ honey tea/ice tea/green tea?

Cow milk

Contribute d Shalini Na by rayan

Milk from freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?

Ummm, I’ll take it black Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey

With sugar Beet sugar or cane sugar?

Ceylon tea

Cane sugar

White

Forget about tea, just give me a glass of water instead.

Milk, Whitener or Condensed Milk?

Mineral water

How would you like it? Black or white?

With milk

Goat milk/camel milk/cow milk?

White, brown or yellow sugar?

Mineral Water or still water Flavoured or non flavoured?

Oh god I’d rather die of THIRST.

A woman sitting in an South Otago pub suddenly began to cough.

After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress, and two locals, Kenzie and Brian sitting at the next table turned to look at her.

‘Kin ya swaller?’ asked Kenzie.

The woman signalled ‘No!’, desperately shaking her head.

‘Kin ya breathe?’ asked Brian. The woman shook her head ‘No!!!’

With that, Kenzie walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress, yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down her arse crack.

This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.

Kenzie swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his Speights.

Brian said in admiration “Ya know Kenzie, I’d heard of that bloody Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that’s the first time I ever seen somebody do it.”

Send your favourites to nexus@waikato.ac.nz. We might even give someone a prize!

Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

Party Party Party, Suck Bite, Suck Bite

Party Review by Skot

The Hermit in the Park The Hermit. Oh yes, the Hermit - where do I begin?? According to most, a Hermit is described as a person who lives to some greater or lesser degree in seclusion and/or isolation from society. This is in part true for this game (well that was the aim.)

For those of you out there that don’t know, the hermit consists of 6 rules: 1. You must drink 12 beers.

2. You must drink these 12 beers in one hour.

3. You must be by yourself.

4. You must have none and I mean no contact with the outside

world whatsoever (no cell phones, TV, radio).

5. You have the choice of either a bucket or one toilet break

within the hour to spew or go to the toilet.

6. And finally you must be in darkness.

I am aware that there are many variations of the game, which I’m sure, will be covered, in later issues but for the purpose of this article I will cover the rules for the Alpha Delta Gamma Hermit.

I got to the park at about 5.30pm and joined the other 20 hermits, and we were all given our cardboard boxes that were to become our own private space for the next hour. It really was awesome - 20 boxes all grouped together in a circle in the middle of a park with 20 people inside them getting drunk in silence. After that the hour then went pretty fast and I don’t really remember much more apart from that I finished my 12 beers and didn’t spew! However talking to the Hermits the next day I discovered one of them wet their pants and decided to run around the park naked while another decided to go to the toilet in his box (and I’m not talking about taking a pi**). Thanks goes out the Waikato University Frat house ALPHA DELTA GAMMA.

Top three quotes: - Are the dogs drinking too?

- What’s that poking out of Asher’s box?

- Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you, very homosexually.

Party Rating:

9/10

(I would have given it a 10 but I can’t remember much after my box)

Got a party coming up? Txt me anytime (after 7am) 0274 279319 and JR and myself will review your party Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

Contents

Credits

Features 16 Uni Games 20 Development vs Staff – do we need a student hub?

23 Engine Talk 46 Inspecting Gadget – Gadget Goose

Designer Matt Scheurich

Advertising Manager Tony Arkell

News 08-12 OSM Meeting, Referendum, Fluoride, Short Shorts and fake news!

admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz 0211766180

Interim News Editor Joshua Drummond news@nexus-npl.co.nz

Regulars Jerk Jokes Party Review Editorial Lettuce WSU columns Gig Guide Notices Word Freak Killing Time on Campus How to…

Rage In A Cage The Player

nexus@waikato.ac.nz

graphics@nexus.npl.co.nz

Reviews 31 Sigur Ros and Amina 31-32 The Rolling Stones

04 05 07 14-15 26 24-25 31 32 33 34 34 35

Editor Dawn Tuffery

35 35 37 37 38 39 40 42 43 44 45 47

The Little Things The Panther Classic Rock Review Boganology 101 Uncle Jim’s Kiddies Page Comics Food CD Reviews DVDs Films Books Busted!

Cover illustration by Matt (http://scheurbert.deviantart.com) Want to have a go at doing covers? Email graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz

Interim Music Editor: M. Emery Books Editor: Michelle Coursey Politics Editor: Chris Grenfell Main Features: Chris Grenfell, Matangaro Paerau, Phil Gilbert Contributors Maz, Petra Jane, Nick Maarhuis, Mo, Nick Wilkinson and Alessandra Brooke, Killer Mime, Nick Elliot, Shalini Narayan, Boulanger, Skot, Matt, Bosco, Brie Jesson, Danielle Thomson, Burton C. Bogan, Macca, Nick Chester, The Panther, Gary Oliver, Matthew Wills, Uncle Jim, Hazazel, Kazuma Namioka, Leigh McGeady, Joe Citizen, Josh Drummond, WSU. We love you all.

Nexus – at $2 a year, we’re the best use of fees ever.

The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus Publications 2003 Ltd, any of our advertisers, WSU or APN. Actually we’re too tired to have views right now, so we faked them all. But if you have views, feel free to share them. As long as they’re not, like, libellous and stuff (not that we’re responsible for that either. It was the other guy! That guy there!

With the spanner in the drawing room!).

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

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Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

Editorial

You Mean You Get Paid For That?

by Dawn

So what did you do in the break? I went to Wellington to hobnob with other student media types and learn about news gathering and how to not get sued. I also learned about yum char and Wellington pubs. It was good.

One nice thing about being at the Aotearoa Student Press Association conference was that everyone there knows exactly what it’s like working in student media without being told. This is rare. Either people know of Nexus, but nothing about how it works (‘You get paid for that? That’s actually a full time job? Weekly? Really?) or have a vaguely negative impression of the whole affair (‘It’s all about politics/sex/dissing the student union – I don’t really read it’).

There is the odd positive response too.

But overall, the level of understanding about Nexus’ place in the scheme of things is pretty low. One day we’ll make a nice comic to explain the production process, but for now I thought I’d try explaining the whole structure thing from the beginning. In words, sorry.

So who owns Nexus? Well, the Waikato Students’ Union (that’s you guys too, not just those exec folk) collectively owns a company called Nexus Publications 2003 Ltd. Yes, it’s a silly name and invented without much foresight for like, time passing, but I can’t do much about that. Why did it become ‘2003’? Long story. Tell ya tomorra.

So anyway, you guys own NP2003L. Good for you. Go and tell your mum you own a limited liability company.

Ok. So just to be pedantic, the WSU does

Designertorial

by Matt

How rich, a designer dedicating a small amount of space to himself. I do this mainly to fill up some space. Sometimes it feels that I have to fill up a lot of space with silly and useless things when I could

not personally produce this hot little mag.

Nexus Publications blah blah etc publishes, among other things, Nexus. The company is ostensibly independent of the WSU executive. It is actually run by a ‘separate’ Board, but the independence claim is a tad farcical given that the entire active Board have generally been on or are on the WSU executive. This is more evidence of circumstance than inherent dubiousness, and doesn’t necessarily cause any major issues. Problems only arise when you get mercenary newcomers reinventing the wheel or crooked characters exploiting a weak system that is very open to abuse. Not that that would ever happen.

But moving on - the Board don’t have to do a whole lot when it comes to running Nexus the magazine. That’s my job. Yes, it’s full time. Very full – I’ll probably be here till 4 or 5am tonight, after a busy week. And yes, despite the common presumptions, I do get paid for it. I’m also not a student, which many people also assume. That would be ambitiously masochistic.

Nexus has two other full time staff, our suave graphics guy and our spunky advertising guy. There’s also a part-time news editor and a crowd of volunteers (all very attractive too. In fact, I hear working at Nexus makes you more attractive. Sign up now!).

How do we get all paid? Bet it’s my fees buying her bike tyres and lentils, I hear you mutter. Not quite. Via the $85 WSU levy you personally pay $2 per year for 25 issues of Nexus, which is a pretty sweet deal. The funny thing is that your $2 actually pays for have been filling them with awesome neat things relevant to the students who purportedly read this magazine.

If you’re keen to submit stuff to Nexus then do it. You don’t have to be good or bad at anything in order to. All you need is interest and effort—passion will almost always help you with any goal in life.

If you’re interested in contributing, Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

the 8 Executive pages of every issue rather than all the fun bits like wordfinds. The WSU uses a small part of your levies to buy ‘advertising’ to chuck blurbs and notices in each week, and this provides a substantial part of Nexus’ income.

The amount of direct exec content a student magazine should contain is eminently debatable, and I will be debating just that in future. But you can’t be too negative about student association involvement, at least in a support sense. The WSU is the reason that Nexus has survived for 40 years and other similar attempts at magazines haven’t. To put it simply, it provides backup. Hopefully one day even that won’t be necessary.

Overall, advertising keeps Nexus going, in theory. In practice we break even, go under, or make enough surplus for a new whiteboard marker or two. In terms of profit, we will probably never rival Bill Gates or even Bill the busker down the road, but in the process we do manage to produce a halfdecent rag that keeps students entertained and informed.

And that’s the point of it all, really. Nexus has a long way to go in terms of staff and independence, but we do our best with what we’ve got. You always have a magazine to contribute to and something to read on Monday if the lecture is boring. How are you liking Nexus this year? What do you think of our new shiny paper? Give us some feedback. It makes us feel loved.

Congratulations to all the new graduates and the Uni Games athletes – great work.

email nexus@waikato.ac.nz and tell Dawn what you are willing to do. Alternatively, if you want to help with some art stuff, email me at graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz.

Illustrators, designers, painters, photographers, wanted! Want to do some cool cover art? Wednesdays and Thursdays are busy but if we’re organised then we’ll have some odd jobs for you before then.

Monday, 10 April 2006

Te Ranga Ngaku Proposal Successful At OSM

by Josh Drummond A controversial proposal that the Waikato Students Union provide funds to the Maori Management student’s union (Te Ranga Ngaku) was passed 54-20 at the Open Student meeting of 12 April.

The OSM centred on the proposition that Te Ranga Ngaku, which was listed as an incorporated society last month, be given $13600 by the WSU in order for them to continue representing Maori management students.

The move comes after Komiti Awhina, the Maori students’ union that operated parallel to the WSU, was struck off the Companies Office register in 2005, purportedly for financial reasons.

The decision to grant Te Ranga Ngaku was eventually passed by a majority of students present, although some questions were raised by WSU members over the proposal. Most were in line with Executive member Alan King’s point that “not all Maori students are with TRN.” Also voiced was concern that TRN’s request “denied KA and other Maori groups funding [possibly] causing legal ramifications.”

However, the concerns were eventually dismissed, and the motion passed. “Talk is cheap, TRN are actually trying to do

8

TRN? KA? WTF?

Students attending the OSM meeting prior to the one mentioned in the article something so [I] support them,” said Mika, a student present.

WSU President Sehai Orgad praised the decision in favour of TRN, but took pains to clarify that WSU was “neutral,” over the Komiti Awhina issue.

“There was a lot of discussion on the current representation and service arrangements that we currently have and also what some of the future possibilities might be. The students proposed and voted positively for a new service contract for Maori students in [management]. I’m really excited that the students have been so innovative and I look forward to further ideas about how we can be more creative in the future in regards to providing support to our Tauira Maori,” said Sehai.

“The success of Maori students at degree level is vital to Maori development and WSU is absolutely committed to contributing to that development in whatever ways we can.”

A slightly less controversial development was WSU Vice-President Carl Gordon’s proposal “that the WSU believes that the government’s policy on student loans should be changed to say that graduates who stay and work in New Zealand should have their student loans rebated by 10% per year.”

The move was passed unanimously.

The usual sausages and bread were also accepted without question.

Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

So, who are these groups?

Te Ranga Ngaku is a union of Maori students enrolled in the School of Management. It broke off from the main Maori students’ group, Nga Akonga Maori O Te Roopu Komiti Awhina Inc, over issues with Komiti Awhina’s “transparency,” according to their current chairperson, Michelle Anderson.

“The decision to go out on our own was not taken lightly,” said Michelle.

“We suspended our relationship with KA after taking it to a meeting and discussing it with our members. They agreed [we should] suspend membership.”

She says the body sought funds from the WSU in order to better represent their members, replacing of the funds that would have granted to them had KA been functioning properly.

According to records, Komiti Awhina was struck off the Companies Office register last year, allegedly for failing to provide financial statements for four years running. The Companies Office records show the last annual financial statement (for 2002) as being registered in 2004 Nexus approached KA for comment, but were told by an intermediary that the person did not “have permission to release KA phone numbers,” and that “any unfactual (sic) disclosure by Nexus is likely to be met by lawyers.”

Michelle made it clear that her organisation was not trying to usurp KA’s role of representing all Maori students.

“We’re not trying to take over KA’s role as the Maori student organisation we don’t have the time or the resources.

Because KA isn’t functioning, we needed to be proactive and provide support for our members,” she said.

But she doesn’t rule out a return to the old structure, when KA functioned as a “blanket” organisation for Maori students. “They’d have to be operational first of all. Should the situation with KA be different, we’ll consider the relationship on its merits.”

Nooz

Excitement Mounts Over Coming Referendum

by Joshua Drummond A rash of voting papers have been arriving in Hamilton letterboxes over the past two weeks.

Not related to fluoride. OR IS IT?!

The Hamilton City Council is conducting a city-wide referendum from Friday 21st April through to 13th May. The referendum asks voters two questions; whether to adopt Single Transferable Voting for local body elections, and whether Hamilton’s water supply should be fluoridated.

Hamilton Mayor Michael Redman has encouraged a strong response from the electorate, saying that “Essentially, the referendum binds Council to uphold the decisions made by the Hamilton community in relation to the two issues at poll. This makes the referendum a very important mechanism in giving voters the power of decision-making where that decision does not relate directly to the strategic direction of Council.”

STV or FPP? Choose your acronym!

Single Transferable Voting, or STV, is a proportional voting system that, according to its proponents, returns better results and is better suited for local body elections than the current First Past the Post system.

STV’s system differs from FPP in one major respect – voters rank candidates in order of preference, rather than simply voting for one or another.

This, say proponents, leads to a fairer representation, where winners require a majority vote to win a position.

The Hamilton City Council agreed to conduct the referendum after a 2005 survey circulated in the Waikato Times reached the required quorum of voters.

Dr Patrick Barrett, a political studies lecturer at Waikato University, explains the STV method succinctly in an article published in the Waikato Times; “The candidate I most wish to see represent me on the council is Joe Bloggs.

If Joe wins so many votes that he doesn’t need my vote to be elected, then my vote is to be transferred to Bill Smith to help him get sufficient votes to be elected. But if Joe has so few votes that he can’t possibly be elected, my vote is to be transferred to Bill.”

Fluoride Schmuoride In Hamilton STV’s most prominent proponents have been Danna Glendining of the Electoral Reform Coalition, as well as Hamilton Mayor Michael Redman and Green MP Nandor Tanczos. Opponents of the proposed system are chiefly concerned that the new system, with its complicated “rank your candidates in order of preference,” system, will confuse voters.

Referendums in other New Zealand cities have been close calls, with both Wellington and Dunedin now using STV. Whangarei rejected STV in a 2002 referendum, in favour of the existing FPP system.

Whether or not Hamilton’s water supply should be fluoridated has been another contentious issue in the lead up to the referendum. Debate on the issue has been vigorous, with the Waikato District Health Board strongly in favour of fluoridation.They are supported by groups such as the Public Health Organisation, which lambasted the Hamilton City Council magazine, the Hamilton City News , for publishing “cons” of water fluoridation, saying they bore little resemblance to the truth.

“It is outrageous that the anti-fluoridation lobby has presented this information to Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

ratepayers as if it were evidence-based fact. The claims made by Lawrie Brett, who puts the anti-fluoride argument, are simply incorrect,” said PHA Director Dr Gay Keating “Fluoridation of water is safe and significantly reduces cavities. Fluoride is a natural element found in air, soil, fresh water, seawater, plants and lots of foods. It occurs naturally in many water ways, but its level in the Waikato River is below the level at which teeth can best be protected. So it is adjusted to ensure good oral health for the population.”

However, the anti-fluoride lobby has been quick to lash out at claims of fluoride’s safety, calling it a “poison.” Their cause was given a significant boost in February when Wanganui voters, following an earlier Whangarei example, rejected fluoridation outright in a referendum. Fluoride Action Network spokesperson Caren McConnell told the Waikato Times that the result was “inspiring.”

“It’s democracy in action. It just shows the depth of feeling from people about the issue when they get the chance to have a say,” she said.

The Fluoride Action Network expects a similar result in Hamilton’s referendum.

Nyuusu

Open Day Opens

by Josh Drummond This Friday Waikato University opens its gates to – well, everyone.

The annual University Open Day is an event that offers the public and teeming crowds of Uni-bound Year 13 students the opportunity to explore the campus and get a taste of university life.

For the uninitiated, this is Public Relations-speak for “pretending that university is one big carnival all the time,” - which it isn’t. The weather usually gets in on the act – although it’s usually grey and drear at this time of year, Open Days have somehow contrived to be fine for the past two years running.

Waikato Student’s Union president Sehai Orgad said that the Open Day offered a perfect opportunity for current and future students to see what the University of Waikato had to offer.

“It’s a great opportunity for new students to come in and check out the campus environment, and see some of what the University experience is about. We hope to provide a bit of everything for all the students out there that have never been to a university before,” Sehai says.

Events on display at Open Day include mini lectures, which are fun and informative (and thus may bear no resemblance to the real thing.) Other entertainments on display include sports challenges against some of New Zealand’s top athletes, a mock trial staged by the School of Law, breakdancing, and New Zealand’s most derivative rock band, Goodnight Nurse.

There is also the chance to check out a proud Waikato innovation, the hemp skateboard, and view a meteorite that crashed down in Antarctica. The meteorite

makes an appearance each Open Day, and usually prompts scores of complaints from disappointed high schoolers, usually along the lines of “I expected it to look less like a rock.”

Mysteriously, the Open Day also offers the chance for interested parties to drop by a “student panel,” which will provide “student wisdom,” - whatever that is. Also, Nexus stakes its News Editors year’s wages on the Waikato Students’ Union offering a sausage sizzle. The open day starts at 9am and runs through until 3pm. More information can be found online at www. waikato.ac.nz/go/openday.

New Research Looks At Learning Style If you have ever struggled to understand a lecturer or viewed a presentation that just didn’t make sense, don’t despair – you’re not alone. In fact, the delivery method of the information may just not fit your “learning style.”

A new Massey survey is examining this in more detail, and they’re looking for input.

Researchers have found that when teaching is designed to match the learning styles of the participants, people learn better and enjoy it more. In recognition of this, the Ministry of Education has provided funding to carry out research identifying trends within the learning styles of tertiary students in New Zealand.

Help yourself - and academics “Your learning style is about how your brain works most efficiently with new information,” says Dr Lynn Hunt of Massey University.

Some people notice that when they try to learn something new they prefer to do it in a “different” way. For example, one person may prefer to listen to the information rather than read it; or they may prefer to work alone rather than in a team. There’s no such thing as a “good” or “bad” learning style, and it’s not about how smart you are or what you know.

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“This research will help our academics around New Zealand to deliver tertiary education in more interesting and palatable ways, participating in this research can directly help you with your own learning style by providing you with a personalised learning profile report,” says Dr Hunt.

All tertiary students at a New Zealand University, Polytech or Technical Institute are invited to complete a new online questionnaire after which they will receive instant feedback of their particular learning style. This tool will measure learning styles,

Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

habits and preferences and let students know their strengths, weaknesses and how they can improve outcomes of learning and increase enjoyment.

Visit http://post.massey.ac.nz/ ~survey/, register and complete the questionnaire, and you will view your results immediately. This offer is only open between the between the 1st and 21st May. Any questions feel free to contact: Dr Lynn Hunt at l.m.hunt@massey.ac.nz or phone 09 4140 800 ext 9282.

News

Nexus Haiku News Every week from now on, the Nexus Haiku News will summarise news articles you’ve probably already heard about into a tasty, bite-sized, easily digestible Haiku form for your succinct reading pleasure.

Beneficiaries to be offered work

Keira Knightley Woman”

“World’s

Sexiest

A guest Haiku by Uncle Jim

Hottie Keira No, pirates aren’t better Than Hermione Granger.

Dole-bludgers to work Said MP David Benson-Pope Still a Bully.

Meet Girls In New Zealand

Iran to strike at US interests.

Thousands of girls want to meet you Find your perfect match Right here and now.

Blam bang blam!

What’s that? Iranian suicide bomber At Wal-mart.

Former Attorney-General David Parker Demands Apology from Investigate.

Allegations shocking?

No, not really.

No one cared. Sorry Ian.

Copied from the Google ads that follow me around from site to site for some reason.

A limerick...

There was a news ed called Josh Who thought he was smart and posh He slipped on some poo Was then born anew Now he eats from a muddy pig’s trough

Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

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News?

Campus Committee Clampdown on Crazy Christians

by Nick Maarhuis A special committee has been formed to snub out people harassing students to join their religious groups. The move has come after countless complaints of annoying bible bashers marketing their religious beliefs at university.

One management student has reported being told they would ‘burn in hell’ after politely declining their offer of eternal salvation. ‘Sixty, eighty, or however many years is plenty enough time for me thanks,’ says the fearful student.

It was found that these larrikins are in violation of code 364426.23 of the university charter, which decides what and where goods/services can be marketed on campus. The committee believes that since these people are petitioning you to join their religious faith, with the intent of you joining their church for services, and will expect a tithe in return, this constitutes nonuniversity-approved marketing on campus.

Some students have previously had to use

trickery to get rid of them, such as saying they’re gay, or that they belong to a Satan worshiping cult. A lot of students have found that these particular Christians are harder to get rid of than AIDS. Other groups on campus back the move by the committee, such as the Nymphos at University or Tertiary Study. The NUTS representative said, ‘we tried similar tactics to get people to join us for orgy sessions, but were quickly shut down for harassing people for sex. How is this worse, when they want you to commit for not only your whole life, but all your afterlife as well? We only want you for a night’.

One such group marketing on campus is the Church of Christ’s Kingdom. Nexus spoke with a CoCK spokesman and they had the following to say; ‘Without our guidance in life, these young, impressionable students will lose their way, have no purpose in life, and turn to alcohol, party pills, frivolous sex and long nights at the Outback, and other ‘good times’ like that. It is our duty as

society’s moral leaders to save them from themselves’. The group is optimistic though, as they have backup plans to use if they are banned from campus. ‘We have started our TV marketing with Christian messages though shows such as Shortland Street, and will be moving soon to having fully dedicated Christian Shows. Some ideas that have been floated are ‘So You Think You Can Pray’, ‘Mitre 10 Dream Church’, and ‘Christian Treasure Island’, to name a few.

Whatever the outcome, students will be happy to be rid of these rude and arrogant miscreants. Even many Christians don’t like them; ‘They give good, courteous and respectful Christians a bad name, with their un-acceptance of other faiths and beliefs, and confrontational approaches’, one student said.

The special committee is expected to finalise their reports by the day after tomorrow.

Nexus taken over by Radioactive Apes

by Bosco O’Donaghue A bloody coup erupted as 4 radioactive monkeys suddenly seized the Nexus headquarters and held Nexus employees and volunteers for ransom.

The glowing simians demanded 5 years worth of bananas and berries, a Purple Boeing 747 with suede interior, $3m shares in Google (most likely for some kind of

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monkey business) and one of those table tennis bats with a ball attached to it by string.

Armed Offenders squad turned up at midday to a messy scene. The apes—angry that their demands hadn’t been made— slashed at the News Editor’s throat which infected him with the ‘Radious Simonius‘

Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

virus and he then began to collate news for the the forthcoming issue whilst whooping like a monkey and most likely visiting sites not deemed suitable for perusal while at work.

At 1.50pm the apes were detained, however, the News Editor could not be saved. He now resides in Keri Keri.

Who wears short shorts? I do.

Short shorts Hamilton to host 48 Hour Film Fest The 48 Hours film making competition is in Hamilton again this year, with better chances than ever before to have your work screened on TV, viewed by uberdirector and guest judge Peter Jackson and voted on by thousands of viewers, says Paul Barlow, the Hamilton contact for the 48 Hours.

This year Hamilton has its own competition, meaning the winner will automatically go through to the live final on C4, and your film could win a bevy of awesome prizes. “From a purely statistical point of view any film made in Hamilton has a better chance of making it to the final since we have the smallest competition in the country,” said Paul

Pylons a no-go

D4 no more

Transpower’s plans for power pylons to traverse the Waikato, taking power to Auckland, have been slammed by the Electricity Comission.

Kiwi band The D4 are breaking up, having decided to put the band on “infinite hiatus.”

The decision is currently in draft form and a final ruling will be released in July.

The pylon plan met with furious opposition by farmers and affected people across the Waikato. Commission chair Roy Hemmingway told the New Zealand Herald that alternatives to the plan could be developed.

“We do have other options. Smaller, less expensive improvements to the existing grid should be able to get us out to 2017 without having to build a major new improvement on the grid such as a 400kv line,” he said.

The band report that the move is a “group decision” and there are no ill feelings within the group. A band spokesman says “They are leaving the book open, but have no foreseeable plans for The D4 in the future and would all like to try other things, musically and otherwise. The band would like everybody who has worked with them and their fans to know that they have had the time of their lives being in this group and done so many amazing things, but at this point in time need to explore other avenues.

Thank you all for being part of such an incredible trip.”

Previous winners of the competition have gone on to develop a TV series, and worked on “big budget Hollywood blockbusters.”

Strings-free sex on campus – Press Release No, not really. Sorry, fellas. What really happened is: The University of Waikato and Bay of Plenty Polytechnic signed a deed of co-operation on 21st April, which is designed to strengthen their commitment to work together to provide high-quality tertiary education and research in the Bay of Plenty. The aim is to significantly enhance the tertiary education offerings to students in the region.

The University and Polytechnic also announced that they are currently working through the process of introducing the first new degree to Tauranga under this agreement. The Bachelor of Tourism is expected to be on offer to Bay of Plenty students by 2007, offered jointly through the University and Polytechnic.

Allowances drop dramatically Information released by the Ministry of Education to the New Zealand University Students’ Association (NZUSA) shows a dramatic decrease in the number of students receiving student allowances.

“The total number of students receiving a living allowance dropped to 56,806 students in 2005, down from 60,826 in 2004 and over 70,000 in 2001,” said Conor Roberts, Co-president of NZUSA. “This is terrible - fewer tertiary students are being supported while they study and the fact is that one third of total student debt is owed by students who are forced to borrow to live, pay the bills, rent and food.”

“The largest single drop was at the University of Waikato which had 3,541 students receiving a living allowance in 2002 but now only has 2,672 recipients.

Nexus still searching for more volunteers Nexus, the local student magazine, is still looking for enthusiastic, well-mannered people keen to help out and submit content to the weekly-published magazine.

“It’s not a bad rag. If we had a wider range of contributors and if some of those contributors—I’m not looking at the news ed in particular—put a bit more effort in what they submit us then we could have a really good thing going here,” Matt, the graphic designer, commented. “Take a look at Critic, Craccum and Salient for example; they all have wonderful articles, designs and it’s probably because they have a larger pool of those willing to help.

It’s a lot of fun making a magazine. If there are people who want stuff published in some print form, it’s not hard to do it through Nexus.”

If you would like to help out, email nexus@waikato.ac.nz.

Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

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Lettuce Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz, or drop into the box at WSU reception

by Tuesday 5pm each week. Letter of the week wins a $5 voucher for Campus Kiosk – free snacks, guys!

Letter of the Week No Bunnies!

Dear Madame Editor, It is my displeasure to inform you that I am utterly disgusted by the misleading nature of your recent recipe in the “Flat Feed” column (“Easter Bunny Muffins”, pg. 37, Issue 7). Upon perusing said recipe, I was disturbed to note that it did not contain Easter Bunnies - in fact, it did not contain bunnies of any kind at all.

I hope that in future your Food & Drink section will only contain recipes of a straightforward and transparent nature, displaying an honesty of title and content - may I suggest Guide Biscuits, Baby Food, or Butterfly Cakes?

Yours, etc.

Edith B. Courtington (Mrs.) Can we make it up to you with a voucher to Campus Kiosk, who may well have bunnies of some description? - Ed

Dey St Debate For the record, my name is Riki Aaron Shaw. With regards to lasts weeks letter the person has not given their name, and more importantly they haven’t even mentioned the lack of rights people have in hostels, campuses, club premises, short term boarding houses, lodging houses and halls of residence. These types of accommodation give next to no protection and rights to people who use them most i.e.. Students, pensioners, solo parents, and those who travel often. The main issue is the lack of security residents have when they are subject to 24hrs notice to leave and find a new place. THAT IS THE ISSUE!

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Instead this person has tried to attack my character and destroy my credibility. I am an honest person and I strongly disagree with how this person has portrayed me. I am currently seeking legal advice on lasts weeks’ letter. I don’t see the point in participating in a personal battle in public with anyone. I am focused on raising people’s awareness about their rights. p.s I have paid the dairy the $8.10 I owed them, thanks for the reminder.

More Dey St Debate Dear ed I too am a resident from dey street campus who wishes to speak up I moved in to dey street at the start of the wintec semister the only thing which attracked me to it (apart from the dingy rooms and curry smelling kitchen) was the fact that there was internet access 24/7 (at a cost) to this day Every time I have asked for an internet card they have not had any which in affect means they ripped me off (no 2 ways of looking at it) I’ve paid over a thousand dollars to that establishment and am still yet to have a minute on the ner I believe the management team there are lying scum I use to enjoy my weekly copy of nexus from the reception (free unlike everything else there) but since you’se published the FAIR article about Ricky They have taken away my nexus copies (yes the natzi’s also use to sensor the press) I like Ricky do feel that I as a student have been taken advantage of, BRING BACK NEXUS and ricki hope everythings going good.

Dump st Resident Ed’s note – all future letters on this topic must be credited to a real name (no pseudonyms!).

This goes for any contributions that make more serious claims about individuals or businesses.

Xbox Talk Liked your review of the 360 Bus, a bit of a waste of time, not impressed. Games; pretty average, and graphics were nice Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

(on HDTVs) but it didnt feel like a big step forward. The Xbox 360 is basically a more aesthetically pleasing XBOX with HD capability. Yeah its got nice power specs, but with so few games being available, and how many fully utilize the potential? Developers only have the same amount of space to work with after all. Maybe this is due to the way Microsoft pushed their console out the door, meaning it misses out on HD DVD due in the near future. If your upgrading from the Big Black Box, you’ll be lucky if you can play all your games on the new one. Why not wait till PS3 comes out and then there will be some competition in the HD gaming console war and we might see some real advancements. After all, the PS3 comes standard with Blu Ray, what are developers going to do with all that extra space? I think this is where the 360 is let down, yeah nice graphics will become the norm, but will they have to sacrifice game size. At this point in time, if you want to play games, upgrade your computer rather than your Xbox, which should provide a few more years of fun. And who wants to fork out a couple of grand to get a HDTV that does the Hi Def games justice.

Console Basher

How many actually investing loans?

See http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/12/ story.cfm?c_id=12&ObjectID=10375457 the Q&A at the bottom suggests that the interest write offs will see students invest their loans and “grow rich, subsidised by tax payers”. I responded with this; “In response to the Q&A about student loans in your column on 01/04/06; As a current student with a $17,000 (and counting) student loan I’d like to respond to some of the criticisms of the current government’s interest write off policy. The tone of the question and your response suggests that savvy students are going to grow rich on the backs of tax-payers (many of whom owe their salaries to the degrees they got for free).

Lettuce

Sure, in theory students can invest their loans and “grow rich”. But I’d like to see a study of exactly how many are able to do this, and of those, how many do.

Many students do not have the luxury of investing their student loans. Like me, they need this money to buy their text books and course requirements (the $1000 maximum will not cover the yearly bookstore bill for many students) or to cover incidental costs (a bicycle for transport in my case) and emergencies. The $150 (less any student allowance entitlement) weekly living costs portion of the loan often supplements meagre allowances or part-time incomes, going toward rent and food (and, despite popular opinion, not all students are inveterate boozers).

Do you really think students don’t care about beginning their working life with a $15,000 (the national average) debt?

The interest write-off will mean that I and many like me will stop ignoring our student loans, which continued to grow even with compulsory payments from my full-time work, and begin to view the possibility of paying off their loan as a more readily attainable goal.

Sincerely, Michael Healy.

Rebates and Treaty claims Dear Editor, When reading this week’s issue of Nexus (Issue 6 - 3 April), I noticed that the writers of your Election Follow-Up had been unsuccessful in tracking down some information on planned changes to the rates rebates scheme. So here’s a little more info for your readers.

More people will be eligible for assistance to pay their rates when improvements to the Rates Rebates Scheme take effect on July 1. The Scheme, which was established in 1973, provides a subsidy to low-income households to help pay their rates.

are: • An increase in the maximum rebate

from $200 to $500; • In most cases the income threshold

under which people will be eligible for

a full rebate is to increase from $7400

to $20,000; and, • An increase in the additional income

allowance for each dependant from

$156 to $500.

Whereas in the 2004/05 rating year less than 4000 people actually received a rebate, up to 300,000 New Zealanders will be eligible for a rates rebate under the new scheme. The changes to the Rates Rebates Scheme will be beneficial for many New Zealanders particularly for those on lower fixed incomes.

People seeking a rebate should contact their local council once they receive their 2006 rates bill for the new rating year.

More details are available at: www.dia.govt. nz/ratesrebates.

As regards Treaty Claims, which your Election Follow-Up also mentions, it is important to note that this government has made significant progress since taking office.

Over the past three years there have been six deeds of settlement reached and thirteen groups have entered negotiations - five of those in 2005 alone. Three settlement bills were passed last year, and it is expected that three will be introduced this year. Currently, the Government is in negotiations with over 20 groups, covering several hundred claims.

Today the Government introduced the Te Arawa Lakes Settlement Bill to Parliament, which is the eighth settlement bill since 2000. This Government is committed to addressing historical grievances, which will help lay the foundation for a strong and confident nation.

Regards, Kallon Basham Press Secretary

The changes taking effect on 1 July 2006

Office of Hon Mark Burton

Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

Minister of Local Government, Minister in Charge of Treaty of Waitangi Negotiations

Damn those lawless youths Dear Editor Have we as a nation come to accept lawlessness as the norm of our society?

Indeed, the attitude of our Youth has become reckless and disrespectful, but then so has society. Perhaps we need to ask ourselves ‘what has brought about this change from a once strong lawful nation to one that embraces lawlessness’. Its no wonder our kids are left to run riot. Where are the positive role models?

I ponder a loss of moral conscience at government level. When the laws of the land cease to protect the vulnerable and upright it gets back what it deserves (resistance and rebellion). Let us be careful of where blame lies but consider the lawmakers who set the standards in which we live by.

Respectfully yours, Tania Kennedy

Lettuce Policy Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters pages — serious or otherwise. Letters should be no more than 250 words and received by 5pm on the Tuesday before publication. All letters will generally be printed so give it a bash, but the editor retains the right to abridge or refuse correspondence.

Bad spelling and grammar will not be corrected — proof it yourself or you’ll look dumb. Pseudonyms are acceptable but all letters must include your real name and contact details even if you don’t want them printed. We discourage the use of pseudonyms for serious letters.

Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz, or drop into the box at WSU reception

by Tuesday 5pm each week. Letter of the week wins a $5 voucher for Campus Kiosk – don’t be lazy!

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Uni Games 2006 Waikato’s cross country medal winners Julia Lee, Tessa Lee and Ben Langford

Supporters

Dwayne from Mixed B touch

The 2006 NZ

University Games Wellington, April 19-26

Pictures by Matangaro Paerau unless otherwise credited

The 2006 Uni Games are now over, and sadly Waikato didn’t quite reach its heady heights of ‘Yay-we’re-thirdno-actually-we’re-fourth’ like last year, coming in about 7th.

However, the relatively small Waikato team did a great job. Of particular note was the twin success in the women’s cross country, with Tessa and Julia Lee coming in first and second and nailing the Women’s cross country team trophy. Ben Langford completed the set of CC medals with a bronze in the men’s section. Teams overall excelled, with the golf, mixed touch, sport climbing and women’s karate teams all winning trophies. Not to mention those tough

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Waikato rowers, who, despite having only 21 people, won the women’s 4 and 8 medals and the men’s championship doubles. They also came third overall in rowing, with the men’s 4 apparently qualifying to represent NZU at the Rowing World Games. Great stuff. See sidebar for all the medal winners.

So who actually won the thing anyway?

Well, 2005 winners Auckland University of Technology didn’t manage to hold on to the big prize this time round. The 83-year old New Zealand University Games Shield was predictably won by hosts Wellington who were clear winners. Victoria Uni’s VC was very chuffed about their team’s success and said he was ‘really thrilled’.

Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

NZUG Games report

by Phil Gilbert Briefly - we came, we saw, we left. In between Victoria and Wellington was a great place to be for this year’s Uni Games and our team tasted success – see results (right) I hope the photos tell a story. In 2007 the Games are in Canterbury, so plan early and start saving Thanks to the WSU / NZCT / Century Foundation / Team Waikato managers & the individual sport managers and of course you the student for your time, money, sweat and laughs.

Uni Games 2006

Results For Waikato Trophy winners: Golf Cross country women Mixed touch Sport climbing Karate women

Gold medal winners: Mixed touch team John Gray – Mountain Biking Tessa Lee – Cross Country Sarah Campbell – Karate (Tournament team)

Tyson - mixed B touch

Women championship 4 – Rowing Women championship 8 – Rowing Men championship doubles – Rowing

Silver medal winners:

Mountain biker John Gray

Men’s touch team Badminton women’s team Thomas Campbell – Golf Julia Lee – Cross Country Women intermediate doubles – Rowing Men novice 4 – Rowing Men championship singles – Rowing Men tournament team - Rowing Women championship pair – Rowing

Insert ‘ball’ innuendo here

Bronze medal winners: Badminton men’s team Table tennis doubles team 1 James Cusdin – Golf Ben Langford – Cross Country David Spooner – Sport Climbing Louise Fisk – Karate (x2) Gabriela Slezakova – Karate (x2) Women championship pair – Rowing Men championship 4 – Rowing

Table tennis team

www.universitysport.org.nz

Fourth places:

SNOW! I mean, GO! Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

Basketball women’s Lawn bowls team 1 John Siemoek – Sport Climbing Women intermediate 4 – Rowing Hockey played off for 5th & 6th as did the men’s basketball

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www.universitysport.org.nz

Uni Games 2006

Darryn from lawn bowls A

Insert ‘shuttlecocks’ innuendo here..

Local support

Men’s touch team

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Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

Uni Games 2006 Ange from lawn bowls B

Debate

Basketball girls

Fiona Peat, Debate

www.universitysport.org.nz

Fiona

Peat,

AUT represent

Touch man Joe

Women’s cross country

Badminton women Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

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Development vs Staff

Where are my fees going?

Do we need a hub?

Chris Grenfell talks to the VC and John Cameron about the proposed student hub...

The New Zealand Herald reported last year at the time of staffing cuts at the University of Waikato that a $30m ‘student hub’ was being proposed. This raised the ire of many staff that had lost their jobs as a result of these cut-backs. As one ex-staff member said “the university is in danger of ending up with a very expensive monument on the hill.”

The ‘student hub’ is an abstract concept at this stage. It is proposed that it is a social and recreation space to be used by students. It is unclear as to whether this will have any teaching space in it.

that we have more money for staffing. So it is quite the opposite.”

By law and good management concepts the university is required to be financially responsible and the Vice-Chancellor has said that it is an accepted accounting best practice to invest funds at the level the university is proposing so that the university doesn’t fall into disrepair. The VC has basically said the money needs to be spent and the spending of the money in capital development is not a question of ‘if’, but ‘how’

So why build a student hub? The VC says “there is no doubt The logical question is raised as to what makes a university - is that universities are operating in a very competitive environment it the building or the people in it? Many of the staff are not happy nowadays and each university needs to express its uniqueness… with the proposed development. What role do operating in that competitive environment students have in saying how the funding of means that we need to think very clearly “The university is in the university is spent? about what we offer.”

danger of ending up with a very expensive monument on the hill.”

An international student who has paid over “One of our big selling points, when I first $10,000 this year towards her course feels came here, was the beauty of our campus…it is “frustrated” at the way the university is using beautiful but you can’t be complacent on this Ex-University Employee her fees towards a social and recreation space because if you are static you are left behind. that she will never use – this frustration is So we need to be thinking continuously about compounded she says, as “a course I really wanted to do this year is how we enhance this, in terms of social space recreational space, no longer being offered even though it was quite popular last year. teaching space and that is what we are going through now.”

Hub should generate income

Do students have a say?

The Vice-Chancellor has said in response to the argument that the media has called for the $30m to be spent on salaries that it is “totally incorrect and they don’t understand how it works. The monies that would be used for building is not related to the monies that would be used for salaries – they are completely different. Even if we didn’t do any building we wouldn’t have any extra money to pay salaries. Putting up the building allows us to generate income so

As many have said, it would appear the ‘student hub’ project is being driven from the highest level. So where does this leave students?

What role do they play in the decision as to what type of capital development the university undertakes. The VC was clear in that “in terms of the decision making process it’s a team effort but the students are intimately involved in that – because at the end of the day we are doing it for the students. Students are represented on

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Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

Feature

Nexus Artist’s impression of a student hub. The campus is severly lacking in liquor shops, arcades and toy shops. Not sure about that McDonalds...

the Capital Development Committee – which is the senior decision making committee in terms of capital development. The Student President is on that.” Also in respect of the University Plan students “will be an intimate part of that process”.

More creative ways of getting input needed John Cameron, Director, Facilities Management, says that “a few years ago we did an urban design audit and as part of the consultation process we asked for student input into that. We had great difficulty in getting student input – other than at the executive level. I think this time around we will need to be more creative about how we get the student input. Through the next year or so we will be getting as much consultation as we can get.”

“We rely to some extent on the Student Union as they are the official conduit between us and the students. The union is on all key committees where these decisions will be made…we want good ideas that we can put into this.”

WSU President Sehai Orgad believes that University management’s openness to consultation this year is encouraging and ‘a big turn around’ from previous years.

The postgraduate students association secretary has taken a pragmatic view and has said it “seems like the Student Hub will probably go ahead whether we like it or not. Given that fact, we may as well make sure that the building has facilities and spaces that specifically meet our needs and those of future postgrads.”

Student Union important part of process It would appear ultimately that the student involvement in this process is a real one that is being taken in good faith by the management of the university and in this process more than ever students rely on their union as much as the management to adequately represent and inform them of the role they can play in the consultation process.

The onus is also on students to make their feelings heard on this issue, so.

“Putting up the building allows us to generate income so that we have more money for staffing.”

VC Roy Crawford

Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

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Opinion

Holden rules, Ford sucks, blah blah.

Never question this or you suck. Greg Murphy is God. V8 Commodores, hell yeah! V8 Falcons, hell no! If you drive a Ford, you’re gay! Holden wins Bathurst! Ford is “first on rubbish dump”! Muuuuh!

Well, what about “first on race day”? If you seriously agree with any of that crap before, you must suck some serious ass-pipe. There’s nothing wrong with a good Ford.

The FoMoCo (Ford Motor Company) is a respectable company with solid historical roots. Remember that Toyota only started earning more in overall revenue than Ford in 2004. And like, every second person has a corolla, corona or celica. Nowadays you put a late model commodore next to a late model falcon and people justify them by saying “you can tell them apart by the lights”.

Doesn’t this just simply mean that the only real noticeable external difference is the different shape of the headlights? There’s pretty much nothing in it, and consequently I hold nothing against Ford or Holden. Even though I’ve got a ‘98 Holden. But by a long shot I’d prefer a late 70s Falcon.

What I can’t stand are all the retard V8 Supercar Holden supporters. Of course this doesn’t mean I can’t stand all the Holden supporters, just the retarded brainwashed ones, which happens to be almost all of them. What possible reasons could you have for hating a nice Falcon? There’s not much to argue that the Commodore is better, being that they share most of the same features.

The whole Holden vs Ford culture is just ridiculous, it just incites meaningless rivalry.

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Why not gloat about how your twin turbed 300ZX shits on your mate’s VTEC Integra instead? At least you’d get a bit of street cred with this one, especially since Hondas suck. Everyone just thinks you’re a tosspot if you’re bleating about how much better a Commodore is than a Falcon. And if they don’t, then they’re tosspots too. The only reason you could have for loving Holden and hating Ford, is that everyone else loves Holden and hates Ford.

Have you ever seen an old ‘79 Falcon?

They have to be one of the sweetest oldschoolers around. Dumped on some black SSA Lazer 18” mags, there’s not much you have to do to be the king pimp in Hamilton with a ride like that. Don’t need a body kit or any of that extra body work, no shabby spoilers or anything, no no.

Of course, I’m not saying you can’t have a sweet Holden either. Though there are better options than Commodores. Take an old ‘73 Monaro for instance. Do something similar to the Falcon before and you end up with a sweet pimpin’ ride. Of course, this is if you want the sweet old school look. If you’re one of the late model lovers, then really either a Commodore or a Falcon will do you right, because they’re both exactly the same, give a dial or slider here and there. And don’t forget the difference with the headlights. I mean, my ‘98 Vectra is all nice and new and has traction control and all the other stuff, Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

but I don’t deny that it lacks real character.

But that’s cool because I only paid $1300 for it :D It’s fairly safe to say that both Ford and Holden have lost their old character, because you honestly can’t tell me that a late model Falcon or Commodore, or even any other models like the Vectra, Focus, or Monaro look that much different to a late model Nissan Bluebird, Toyota Camry or Mazda 626 (ignoring that the FoMoCo owns Mazda anyway), in that most of the differences are only superficial. In order to be a true enthusiast, you really need to have an old schooler, because old cars have character. This applies to other makes, including the old jap imports like Dattys and Mitsis. An old Datsun Cherry will still look the part next to an old HQ Belmont. There’s a metallic blue cherry around in Hamilton, it looks pretty swish in that colour.

If I was to be perfectly honest, I have no preference at all between Holdens and Fords. Both have put out nice cars in their time, but I don’t like where either are going at the moment. The new Mustang is probably the best Ford’s got at the moment, so my vote would probably be swung a little in Ford’s favour. But at the end of the day I wouldn’t get stuck in a heated debate about which is better, when I could be out doing O’s or something.

1. Pool and Beer: Te Rapa Tavern (Wed 6pm) Pool comps are happening at pubs and taverns all through Hamilton, and you don’t even need to be top dog to win something at most. Grab some mates, head down and have a laugh. It’s a chance to expand your social circle and will keep you entertained in the upcoming cold months. If a sober driver is impossible to find, the Te Rapa Tavern has a courtesy van ($4) and a round especial for those ‘challenged’ players.

2. The Races: Te Rapa Race Course Far far away, on the other side of town is Te Rapa Race Course. Dress up in your glad rags and spend a day trying to make a buck on the gee-gees. You don’t have to spend a small fortune, and I’m not encouraging mass spending; you can place a bet for only $1… bargain!

Hamilton’s more than just the cow-town it’s commonly known as; our boys are more than just meat heads and morons, farmers and Bogans. Our lads can be cultured (hee hee hee). Here’s a few options for winter entertainment.

3. Rugby International: (June 10th) Pencil it in now and plan your sickie for when Ireland plays the All Blacks at Hamilton’s very own stadium. They’re also playing again up the road in jafa-ville on June 17th.

Pull out your green threads or black attire

and enjoy real rugby, how it’s meant to be - cheap and on the embankment (LOL).

4. McDonalds Kihikihi Speedway (May 7th) Down in Kihikihi near (ish) to Te Awamutu is all the engine fumes and burning rubber your heart desires and only a hop, skip and a jump from Hamilton. May 7th is King Country Stockcars and Street Stocks. Also up the road, more Bogan fun than you can shake a stick at: the Huntly Speedway, home of the Waikato Saloon and Stock Car Club.

5. Fire Cats: ALL NIGHT EVERY NIGHT Lads don’t tell your mummy or your girlfriend that’s where you’re heading, or you could become quickly unpopular.

Labelled as “objectifying women” (but I’m staying out of it) it’s one of those places where…well, find out yourself. Its hours of operation are night till early morn. The booze isn’t cheap (all fridge RTD = $7) and there aren’t any pool tables. Be sure to get your Fire Cats dollars at the door and some cash for drinks because the bar doesn’t have EFTPOS.

Beauty is a strange word, and although it has many definitions, the words ‘charm’, ‘perfection’ and ‘grace’ are prevalent. The word ‘beauty’ is from Middle English, it is thought to being an adaptation of an Old French word derived from Latin. So the word has been around for a long time in various forms. The present form of the word has been in use since the late 1400s or early 1500s.

‘Beauty’ The other day while flicking TV channels (even word freaks watch TV sometimes), I came across one of those makeover shows. You know, the ones where people who are unhappy with their looks are selected for a makeover. They have nose jobs, liposuction, brow lifts, boob jobs and any other plastic surgery operation known to man, then looking completely different (and usually a lot more attractive) they emerge happy and selfconfident. Bored, I decided to watch. I’m not usually all that keen on reality TV shows but this one got me thinking.

We all know the old axiom, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, and that vanity is not something we should be proud of. Yet so many people are hung up on how they look. Now I know that most people wouldn’t opt for something as drastic as plastic surgery, but that doesn’t mean people are actually happy with their bodies.

The definition of ‘beauty’ may not have changed in the last several hundred years, but the embodiment of it certainly has.

What was considered beautiful 600 years ago, probably wouldn’t be considered beautiful now. And that’s not even taking into account personal preferences!

Beauty has always been a highly sought after trait, now more so than ever. But I think that people put too much emphasis on beauty today. People seem to assume that beautiful people will succeed in life and that everyone else probably won’t. The thing is, maybe at the surface level beauty helps, but it’s what you are made of inside (figuratively) that will enable you to succeed.

Maybe it’s time to look past ‘beauty’ as simply meaning perfection, and take into account some of its other meanings; ‘charm’, ‘grace’, even ‘kindness’ have all been associated with beauty, and are, I believe, the most accurate definitions of true beauty.

Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

23

Gig Previews

UUUUUUUU

It’s Connan and the Mockasins

by Mo Wellington’s Connan and the Mockasins have long graced us with their fun blend of dirty blues and cheeky pop tunes.

Guitarist and singer Connan is notorious for his unsurpassable instrumental acrobatics (he can play the guitar with his teeth AND behind his head AT THE SAME TIME! Err, just kidding. But yes, he can do both), double bass player Ross is clearly a man who knows his groove, and Seamus is pretty much one of the most animated and exciting drummers around (I recall one Nexus graphic ed once remarking

“…SUCH a tight drummer!” in fanboyesque awe).

After the release of their Naughty Holidays EP in February 2005, the trio have been working away busily at a six track mini-album, entitled UUU It’s Teasy.

The fun and cheeky Mockasins sound is still there, but with a raunchier, stripped edge to the sound. Some tracks (including a re-recording of Naughty Holidays) are available for download from their site, www.connanandthemockasins.com, all for your listening pleasure.

And alas, as all good bands that we all just want to keep in our pockets seem to do, they’re heading to the UK in search for greener pastures very, very soon. But not to fret, they’re embarking on a national tour before they jet off, playing Hamilton on the 5th at Diggers bar. It’ll be a stunner, so get yourself there. And take your sneaky sneaky dog friends along.

Next week (or sometime later in the near future)…Nexus has a chat with the Mockasins in the UK!

Gemstone (drummer), rocking you solid and blowing you kisses all at the same time. Heleyni Halva Gemstone (backing vocals), dancing around the stage as if on fire.

Cherry’s Gemstones have played with various kick-ass underground New Zealand bands such as The Fanatics, Die!Die!Die!, Cortina (currently in Berlin) Lady Luck and The Raskolnikovs. Most recently they have performed with Batrider, Minuit and Czech band Sabot.

Cherry’s Gemstones

by M. Emery

Cherry’s Gemstones are playing at Sohl bar Saturday 6 May with Melbournites Go Genre Everything and local hardmen The Shrugs. On a nationwide tour to mark the release of their six track EP Love in the Dreamscape Matrix Reality Cherry’s Gemstones are an emerging force to be reckoned with.

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Taking influence from punk, experimental rock, grunge and pop genres as well as operatic and metal, the band promises to leave you breathless in a Psychodelic, surreal trance! With a huge range from hardcore rock to mellow Brunettes style do-wop Cherrys Gemstones equation is made up of three fiery femmes: Cherry Gemstone (band leader Hannah Simpson) with red-siren can-can moves, burlesque dancing, mid-guitar-solo gymnastics and a voice like Patti Smith. Greta Garbo Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

Melbourne based duo Go Genre Everything will be joining Cherrys Gemstones on their tour around the country.

Crossing the ditch for this unrelenting double EP release tour, Go Genre Everything are an exciting Experimental Surf band playing drums, keys and guitar while singing together about Zombies and Motorbikes! Check out their website www.gogenreeverything.org Cherry’s Gemstones + Go Genre Everything & The Shrugs @ Sohl, 236 Victoria Street.

Auckland gigs are noted with this symbol:

A

Know of any happenings around town? Email details to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

Friday 5th May

Wednesday May 10th

The Bleeders at the Meteor The Bleeders play in Hamilton at the Meteor Theatre, Friday 5th May. With fond memories of previous Hamilton shows and local bands, Angelo promises an awesome high energy show at one of his favourite venues. This is all ages, and should be awesome.

Jam Night Jam Night (Previously called Open Mic Night) is happening every Wednesday from 9:30pm till late. Guitars, mics, and drum kit provided, so gather up as much talent as you can muster, and join the Rinky Dinks in another year of mayhem. Drink specials and spot prizes to be announced at opening night. Fat Bellies, Hood Street, Hamilton.

Wanna win Bleeders tickets? Send us your best true gory anecdote by TUESDAY 2nd 5pm, and we’ll give someone a double pass to the show. Entries to nexus@waikato.ac.nz, and include your name and ph number.

Connan And The Mockasins are at Diggers.

See left for some background on these boys.

Take your chance to see em before they flee!

MSU play with The Clap,Ward Lane Tavern. Starts around 9.30pm and about $5 entry.

Saturday 6th May MSU with The Clap, Harbourview Hotel in Raglan.

Peace Skank Enquiry, Bad Bride, Dick Dynamite and one Doppelganger, Gawj @ Upsett Records, 333 Victoria Street, Sat 6 May. First band starts at 9pm.

Cherry’s Gemstones + Go Genre Everything & The Shrugs @ Sohl, 236 Victoria Street.

Zebra Jazz band Zebra play at The Cook, Cook Street, Hamilton East every Wednesday night from 8pm.

The Dylan Storey Band The Dylan Storey Band are playing with The Tuesdays and guests at the Schooner Tavern NZ Music month gig The Twitch, Miscreant, Amperzahn, Callista and Siren Junkies are playing at a NZ Music month gig at The Studio, 340 Karangahape Road, Auckland $10, Doors Open at 8.30 A

Not Quite Right Not Quite Right, Not OK, Onebadweekend + more are playing at the re-opening of Eden’s Bar, K-rd, Auckland (R18) A

Thursday May 11th Streetwise Scarlet Pop-Punk band Streetwise Scarlet join up with The Rabble, The Hard Ons and Missing Teeth, at the Kings Arms, Auckland, $10 A

Friday May 12th Deja Voodoo Deja Voodoo are playing with The Tutts at Vesbar, Auckland $5 A

The Heavy Jones Trio The Heavy Jones Trio will be playing with The Dukes and guests at the Kings Arms, Auckland A

Rock ‘N’ Roll Machine Rock ‘N’ Roll Machine are playing with DJ Netti Page at the Schooner Tavern A

Streetwise Scarlet Streetwise Scarlet, The Rabble, My Life Story and False Start are playing at Kelston Boys High School Auditorium, Auckland 8pm free (AA)

Sunday May 14th Comedy Festival - Danny Bhoy Scottish-born comedy star, Danny Bhoy is performing at Founders Memorial Theatre, 221 Tristram St, Hamilton. The show starts at 8.pm. for more information go to www.comedyfestival.co.nz

May 19th 1QA (from Melbourne),The New Caledonia, and The Shaky Hands @ Sohl Bar From a review on 1QA’s myspace site - ‘To describe 1QA as “awesome” would be akin to saying the same of an electrical storm; its ferocity matched with unmistakable beauty make it a frightening delight to behold.’

The Shaky Hands are relatively new but reportedly great and you know TNC rock, so don’t miss this one.

A

Agent with Slipping Tongue & Aether @ Six Foot Under

Tuesday May 9th Hamilton Film Society Hamilton Film Society meets at 8pm every Tuesday at Victoria Cinema. Intending members can sign up on screening nights or call Andrea Haines on 839-5932. Student subscriptions are $85 full year or $45 half year. 3-screening Flexi tickets are also available for $25.

Saturday May 13th A Low Hum Presents Wellington solo-synth rocker DISASTERADIO, Kill Surf City and guests at the Kings Arms, Auckland A

Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

Annoyed at the lack of NZ music on television?

Contact Scotty Rocker (drummer for Cold

by Winter and Streetwise Scarlett and TV personality from Celebrity Treasure Island) at http://www.myspace.com/themessshow and give him your support. He is in the midst of preparing a proposal for C4 about presenting a new show on C4, playing all our favourite Emo, Screamo, Metal, Punk and Hardcore tunes. This shows gonna put a smile on everyone’s dial, so message Scott heaps and show your support.

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Sexy Exy

Getting intimate with those hot reps of yours This week – Kim! Name: Kim Armstrong Position: Women’s Rights Officer Programme of study: Yr 3, BSocSci, Resource and Environmental Planning, Maori and Geography majors Favoured mode of transport: Waewae express Suburb lived in: Central City Hobbies: Surfing, gym stuff, indoor netball, sleeping, dreaming, scheming to take over the world Favourite website: Trademe Favourite TV programme: The L Word Favourite sandwich filling: Freshly cooked salmon, rocket lettuce and cherry tomatoes Favourite snack: Chocolate, mmm chocolate, gimme gimme chooccoolaattee Magazine of choice: National Geographic, noooo, NEXUS! Fatal weakness: Buying art off trade me What flavour do you go for first in a box of chocolates? Nut centres What CD is in your stereo/car right now? I wish it was the new Conscious Roots, is that a big enough hint? My birthday’s coming up and I’m turning 21 soon I can’t wait!

What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen?

Any of Jennifer Aniston movies, they’re all equally as bad Worst habits? Spending all my kai money on un-essential stuff like decadent chocolate sauces and health and beauty products How much money would it take for you to run nude down Victoria St? $10,000 and I’d want it while I was running so I could stop and by myself a new car. I came into this world naked and unashamed so why not! The body is a natural and beautiful thing Which of these do you prefer to pick – nose, ears or teeth? None of these turn me on What should Nexus contain more of?

Profiles of inspiring and successful feminist activists

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In 10 years, you will be: Stronger than all the little people trying to foil my evil and diabolical plans to rule the world In 40 years you will be: Ruling the world No, haha seriously I don’t know the answer to that question. I believe in having huge aspirations but not bragging about them until they’re fulfilled.

The seri-arse stuff In regards to your portfolio, what are you working on?

Today? My blurb in which I’m trying to make consistent weekly submissions, this profile, Women’s Space, executive work This term?

WSU Mana Wahine Week April 10-13, WSU Thursdays in Black May 18th Promoting more use of the Women’s Space, Creating a Muslim Prayer Room in the Women’s Space This year? Term 2: Weekly meetings in the Women’s Space to discuss topics relating to women, Tertiary Women’s Focus Group Conference at the start of July NZUSA Conference, start of July Parent’s and Children’s Day, B Semester Thursdays in Black, B Semester How are you making sure you and the executive remain accountable to students?

By maintaining a strong and united executive culture that minimizes outside influences and minority perspectives. By having high principles we can direct our energies and resources towards better representation for the whole student population of 10,000 plus.

What do you think is the most important issue facing the executive right now?

In my view it’s working on our branding to raise the WSU profile and getting students more involved in WSU activities. And on a smaller scale we need some great finance officers to oversee the growth of our investing profile, to become self-funding Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

and have free student fees by the next government elections.

How do you survive long executive meetings without jumping up on the table, foaming at the mouth and screaming ‘Just pass all the motions, damn you!’ and running off into the distance cackling freakishly? Or falling asleep?

Two dollar glasses with fake eyeballs are great to hide behind and sleep. When I fall asleep I whip them out, pop them on and start snoring. Sometimes I hear executives comment “hey, Kim’s got blue contact lenses on today” Now ask yourself a question, and answer it. Why are you on the executive? First of all it’s because I was voted here. And, I really like to be involved in the organizing of on-campus events. It’s great to see the students turn up and enjoy themselves and also it’s a constructive way to spend my downtime. The training is not too bad either.

I’m learning the art of kissing ass cos the more butts I kiss the better I’ll get at it and this will really help me in my political aspirations.

What the other execs say about Kim: - ‘big hearted’ - ‘Keep your hands off boys, she’s the

woman’s issues officer’ - ‘Just beautiful! A strong intuitive voice

that we all love and appreciate’.

- ‘passionate and precise’

Maori Students’ Officer

by Renee

Kia Ora te whanau,

Waikato regional committee.

Here’s hoping you all had a restful break and are ready to soak up the academic knowledge of learning once again. For all those whose work has been never-ending due to readings and assignments, as a law student I empathise with you all.

‘Hamilton can be very happy as, although a lot of resources have been drained from the Waikato RMC, the end product has still been produced - albeit [for] a cost which we the members made known to national hui.

The hui was reminded that tacit knowledge has walked out of the front door which to us was an extra cost – Dean attributed this to the expectation that staff should be looking to get into SJS, glean the knowledge and then move on. Perhaps the one ingredient that is missing here is the fact that there are staff out there that prize job satisfaction, and a little HR commonsense in dealing with staff matters should be incorporated.

A discussion raised the fact that this was being discussed through RMs (regional managers), to which the Waikato reply was ‘who speaks for us?’ and ‘when do we get to input into these meetings without an RM?’’

It’s always gratifying to see the amount of Mäori students who graduated just last week. If you were one of these students then my heartiest congratulations goes to you all and I hope that we who are left will soon be following your glowing example.

Tonight (26 April 2006) sees the official celebration of those in receipt of the Golden Key honour. A celebration of excellence is especially wondrous in my mind when it has to do with Mäori students – if this sounds biased then it should, coming from the WSUMSO. I am particularly proud this day because my whanau and myself closely know two of the recipients, and to these two I send all our collective aroha.

On your behalf others in our ranks have had to attend meetings in order to represent you on a National front. To this I thank the new National Mäori Student Representative (NSMR) for SJS for supplying good representation for Mäori, SJS staff, and the

Perhaps not the best way to go into the first meeting. However, after meeting with him, he said, “They now have to answer to the people - after all SJS is student owned for student use”. The passage above was borrowed from a report written not long after the NSMR returned home from Wellington and got its first reading at the Te Mana Akonga (TMA) Kaiarahi hui held in Wellington two days later (passage slightly

edited for comprehensiveness – Ed). I will be attaching this report for wide dispersal through all the networks that have been made available to me, for you.

Good news campers – it appears that the threshold of earnings for students on a student allowance (who are working partime or fulltime) has been increased from $135.00 to $180.00. Unlike the other latter if you earned over $135.00 you lost your allowance completely – now the information says that for every dollar over the $180.00 70c is abated and you will not lose your allowance.

Working For Families – once again good news from IRD and you know we need good news from this sector. The report I read from the NSMR is that IRD are no longer the scary people they use to be and that there is real help for the student with a family – over the following weeks I shall endeavor to release more information about this area to aid understanding and release widely through my blurbs.

“IF KNOWLEDGE IS THE FOOD OF KINGS – THEN EAT HEARTILY AND GET REALLY FAT” Ma te wa Renee Rewi WSUMSO.

Environmental Issues Officer

by Frank

Wow! Did we all have a great break or what? Not that we went away or anything, but Graduation time and the parties that followed, awesome aye?

Right, with that out of the way, what’s on the Environment Calendar this month: - Saturday May 6th – Forest and Bird Society plant Sale - Mill st Pak’n’save car park.

- Sunday May 14th – Tui 2000 Gully Trip, 1:30 – 4:30. The trip this year will be the Maungakotukutuku Gully over in the Glenview/Melville area, to see community planted and private gullies. Bring good walking shoes. And a drink.

Bookings to the Enviroment Centre, 8394452, or email envirocentre@paradise. net.nz.

Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

Keep an eye on this space for further details.

Who else got a wet butt at the Anzac dawn parade? The WSU President, our Mature Students, Disabilities, Campaigns(x2) Office Holders, and myself all attended and laid a wreath on behalf of all of us studying here at Waikato University. R.E.S.P.E.C.T. And thanks.

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Section Title

WSU President

by Sehai Orgad Kia ora Tangata!

And congratulations to our Uni Games teams that represented oh-so- well in Wellington in the first week of the break.

and then a try on the wing. YEEAH! • The “Secret Move” of the open Men’s touch team.

• Basketball ladies taking out Auckland, and still looking beautiful at the end of the game!

• Tessa and Julia Lee, carving up the cross country trail and winning Gold and Silver!

• Go the Lawn Bowls team!

Quote of the week: Some of the highlights that I was lucky to have witnessed:

“BROTHERS! It’s time for the secret move!!!”

• One of the most amazing Touch finals that I have seen, Waikato Mixed Vs. AUT Mixed. The second half saw both teams on a draw having to play a very intense dropoff round. Waikato took the win (surprise, surprise) with the most fabulous off-load

And finally, congratulations to all those who graduated over the past week. Take the time to enjoy this moment for as long as you can. It has taken you ages to finally get here; all nighters in front of the computer screen the night before the due date for

WSU EXEC 2006

Sehai with School of Ed student speaker Heather Bramwell

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your assignment; moments of weakness at the old beloved Hilly, when you really knew that you should be studying up for that in class test tomorrow; group assignment, domestics which made you realise what it’s actually going to be like when you DON’T get to choose who you work with in the “real world”….Ahhh yes, the good times…

Before I sign off, I would just like to express a word of thanks to all those people who have been incredibly supportive during the last few weeks. Both friends and fellow students who have outwardly shown their aroha, support, and true kindness through different situations and experiences.

Kiaora, mo to aroha me to tautoko.

Find and circle Sehai and bring this page up to the office, and you go in the draw for a movie pass!

PRESIDENT

VICE-PRESIDENT

DISABILITIES OFFICER

INTERNATIONAL OFFICER

MATURE STUDENTS OFFICER

CAMPAIGNS OFFICER

Sehai Orgad

Carl Gordon

Jeff Hawks

Sonja Gruebmeyer

Vince Malcolm-Buchanan

Jade & Joseph

Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

Section Title

Disabilities Issues Officer

International Students’ Officer

Greetings all and welcome to NZ Music Month.

So, how was your break?

I’d like to talk about some disability news—JOBS! There are two vacancies within the Review of Long-Term Disability Supports Project Team within the Office for Disabilities, are being advertised.

One is for a Project Advisor, and the other is for a Senior Analyst.

Basically I was sleeping in most of the days – did only half of the work I was planning to do (which was about 50% of the stuff I should have done) and watched a lot of ‘no longer recent releases’DVDs; because they are cheaper.

The Office is looking for people who are interested in the possibility of secondment (or a fixed-term contract) - the period would be for 12 months starting 30 June 2006 (although an earlier start could be possible).

At this point I want to wave and smile at Silver Fern Video – the nice DVD source on campus! Together with the library they have been massively contributing to my Easter Holiday DVD experience.

Thanks a bunch! For movies like “The Sin Eater” particularly – I have never had the pleasure of a really stupid movie until that day. Now I can have a favourite worst movie for the next century, together with “The Irrefutable Truth About Demons”. Ha! And “The Scorpion King”.

by Jeff

by Sonja

Applications for either of these positions should be made via the Ministry of Social Development web site (www.msd.govt nz, then go to careers). The closing date is 5 May 2006. But ya gotta wanna move to Welly I had it bought to my attention that someone felt like they were the focus of discrimination within the whole Census NZ questionnaire; any feedback on that form from anyone would be great. These sorts of things are better tackled with support in writing, should some tackling need to be undertaken; Questions to be asked at least.

How do people feel about job hunting? Ever feel like you are not quite getting the equal opportunity everyone deserves? There are many areas in which people are not supposed to go as regards questioning in a job interview. Some questions alone can lead one to thinking that someone is searching for grounds to discriminate.

I strongly advise going (www.ers.govt.nz) to snoop out your rights about what the employers rights are in general.

That’s me for another week, keep an eye out on campus for some music and madness with NZ Music Month here, I’ll do my best to get some action happening around. GO NEW ZEALAND MUSIC! www.nzmusic.org.nz Email: disabilities@wsu.org.nz Phone: 0274 960 137

Watching movies is a very adequate way to forget all your troubles at uni, your homesickness and that you miss your favourite meal from home which is unfortunately made of a lot of raw meat and cannot possibly pass customs. Here are some tips enjoying it: • Find some friends to watch movies with you – and one with a DVD player.

• Watch Titanic (Call Number: PN1997.T571 1999) alone and cry, when Leonardo Di Caprio dies ( try the same with The Patriot or something similar) • Collect the 2 for 1 movie docket vouchers from Pak ‘n Save and go to the movies with someone you just met at the library • Write polite emails to our head librarian to help us to combine the Language Institute and Library DVD collection – for more free movie enjoyment • Watch Spanish movies – they’re just better And when you feel like working again… wonderful, Easter break is over and you have to go back to your lectures anyway. But don’t forget to take time out and watch some movies during term time to keep you mind sane. Reward yourself! This is what my therapist says all the time.

S OFFICER

EDUCATION OFFICER

GLBT OFFICER

ENVIRONMENTAL OFFICER

MAORI STUDENT OFFICER

WOMEN’S RIGHTS OFFICER

Joseph

Andrew Pritchard

Megan Moffet

Frank Stubbing

Renee Rewi

Kim Armstrong

Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

TAURANGA OFFICER

Anthony Mckenna

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Politics

The Second Oldest Profession

by Chris Grenfell

Nuclear – is a difficult word. Especially for George W Bush. Not only because he can’t pronounce it correctly but because it is the main contention with NZ that his administration has.

We have probably all heard or heard of the quip that David Lange fired in the Oxford debating chamber that summed up New Zealand’s distain for nuclear weapons and power. After the little meltdown in Chernobyl we thought that the rest of the world was mad for even considering having nuclear power.

It seems that in the US at a conference between the US and NZ that both the National Party and Labour Party MPs are presenting somewhat of a united front on the issue of NZ’s non-involvement with nuclear energy.

Has the real picture been lost in the pursuit of New Zealand’s clean green image?

Most scientists now accept that short of a meltdown, nuclear energy is much cleaner and many times more efficient than most traditional methods of energy production in New Zealand. In fact the only downside is the small amount of highly toxic waste that results. Of course there are plenty of

small poorer countries near New Zealand that this waste could quite happily be stored at without affecting us.

Natural kinetic energy production is the most clean. But of course who would want a wind farm in their back yard and under the RMA it would only take about 300 years to find a nice new valley in New Zealand to flood.

In line with the Kyoto Protocol and the ensuing carbon emission taxes imposed, a nuclear power station could actually save millions of dollars for New Zealand. Then New Zealand could export all of the coal that we produce and send it to a really deserving country like China or maybe even North Korea as part of an aid programme.

We could let them burn it up in their old inefficient furnaces – the resulting carbon emissions would become their problem and we could sit back and enjoy a nice toasty 3000W electric heater while we sip on our latte.

To say that it is a vexing question is like saying that the petrol prices are a little bit up on a couple of years ago, or that the war in Iraq might have a little bit to do with oil.

The News In Briefs The Greens are looking for a new male coleader. This is because their constitution requires a person of each gender at the helm. A practice which is common in most high school student elections. The inside running would appear to be Nandor Nachos – who has the guacamole as he is the only sitting MP who is going for the job. (The constitution also says that a person outside parliament can be a co-leader).

The Solomon Islands are making like Fiji and have a little bit of civil unrest in which the NZ Army has been called into action.

The Greens are keeping an eye on the big supermarkets that have been sold to

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Australia which, in their opinion, will lessen competition. With gas running at around $1.70 per litre some might say that we have more serious price fixing concerns. Of course in the US their gas is around $1.00NZ per litre... perhaps we should reinvade Iraq?

India’s (ex)high commissioner to New Zealand really likes his job. Well he actually likes it too much. He has been sacked by his boss and rather than pack his bags he has informed his boss that he is staying. From my experience (when I rejected an employment rejection letter) this will probably end badly for the sacked official. It also looks like the NZ government is getting a bit antsy and is kicking him out.

Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

“Bad officials are the ones elected by good citizens who do not vote.”

George Jean Nathan

Notices Send your notices of 100 words or less to nexus@waikato.ac.nz, or drop into box at WSU reception. Deadline is 5pm Tues.

Car 4 Sale ‘93 Nissan Primera; 125,000 km, 1.8L; Auto, CD player; Current Reg, WOF; $2,800 ono; Phone 027 6989617 Flatmate Wanted: Large house on May street 5 minute walk from uni. Live with 6 other people, mostly students, 2 guys and 4 girls.

Good sized room, $75.00 p/w which includes power. Interested phone 07-856-7759 Several rooms available in the Collge Hall (university accommodation) with full catered, $185 per week/single room including power and food. ph/txt 0210644908 or 0210425145.

Annual Engineering Pub Crawl - Friday 12th of May The plan: 8:00 pm Meet at Coyotes 8:45 The Bank is stop 2 9:15 Grab a BEER at the Handle Bar 10:00 Our final stop is at Bahama Hut CHEAP BEER and DRINKS DEALS with your WESA STAMP!!

Feel FREE to bring your friends and join us

for a GREAT night of FUN! Campus Commuters Support Club For all who commute to campus from outside Hamilton and would like to meet others for possible car-pooling, ideas and support.

Meeting time to be advised.

Interested persons please contact jps6@ waikato.ac.nz Learn Meditation (Free introductory courses) Our FREE courses cover a range of introductory techniques to reconnect you with your spiritual side of your nature and get you started of the journey of self-discovery that lies at the heart of all human life.

Waikato University Classes Hillcrest Road, Gate 7/MS4/Room 1 Option #1: Tues/Thurs 2, 4, 9, 11; 7:309:00pm Option #2: Tues/Thurs 16, 18, 23, 25; 7:309:00pm YWCA Classes Clarence & Pembroke St “The Green Building”

Mondays May 1, 8, 15, 22; 7:30-9:00pm Each course option forms a structured course.

Please try to attend each of these sessions to gain the most benefit, and kindly do not join any option after the 2nd session.

Author Talk Quakers invite you to hear Robert Anderson, author, will speak about his book, about depleted uranium bombs and missiles, and radioactive dust. Monday, May 8th, 7:30 PM. Lady Goodfellow Chapel, Waikato University, Gate 1, Knighton Road. [gold coin donation please.] CONTACT: ( about the meeting and the book) phone 847 2842 or 853 8464

Do you know the difference between pacifically and specifically? Affect and effect? Their, there and they’re?

We can correct your punctuation and grammar and make your assignments fluent, clear and literate.

Visit us at www.editwrite.co.nz When you write wrong, we right the wrongs.

Prizes Include (1st and Runner Up)

Recording your own CD, an XBox 360 game console, Hotel Accommodation, 3G Mobile Phone, Cinema Tickets, Cash and More!

(Prizes are separated according to placing) All finalists get two free V.I.P tickets for friends or family on the Final Performance night. Be in Quick so you don’t miss out on the BIG TIME!!!

Dates to remember: 2nd May: Heat 1 Time 1-3pm Performing Arts Academy (Public welcome, no cost) 9th May: Heat 2 Time 1-3pm Performing Arts Academy (Public welcome, no cost) 12th May: Heat 3 Time 1-3pm Performing Arts Academy (Public welcome, no cost) 16th May: Heat 4 Time 1-3pm Performing Arts Academy (Public welcome, no cost) 19th May: Heat 5 Time 1-3pm Performing Arts Academy (Public welcome, no cost) 23rd May is the semi finals and we will contact the successful participants.

FINALS: 26th of May Time 7pm-10pm Performing Arts Academy (will be a cost)

Final Night Includes: Live Bands, Dance Performance, Good entertainment.

Bar Available.

Apply Now! Entry Form Boxes and forms are at 3 locations: Uni Gym, Central Library and WSU. Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

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Gig Reviews

Sigur Rós with Amina @ St James, Auckland · 17 April, 2006

by Petra Jane “Takk...”

Jón ‘Jonsi’ Birgisson only has one word for the near-capacity throng in the St. James theatre. One intelligible word, anyway. The voice of Icelandic postrock visionaries Sigur Rós prefers to sing in his own invented ‘Hopelandic’ tongue. ‘Takk’ is Icelandic for “thanks”, humble acknowledgement of the waves of rapturous applause greeting every song.

It’s also the name of Sigur Rós’ bizarre and beautiful latest album. And it’s the only word spoken over an hour and a half of soaring sonic exploration. This is a band that would rather let their music do the talking. And it speaks volumes.

Sigur Rós sound like nothing on earth,

The Rolling Stones

Western Springs Stadium · Sunday, 16 April 2006

by Nick Wilkinson and Alessandra Brooke I must confess that I’m not the world’s biggest Rolling Stones fan. Still, when a free ticket falls into your lap it’s hard to say no, and it carried the added bonus of seeing Nickelback perform their first live concert in New Zealand.

The gates to Western Springs Stadium opened at 5:00pm, so by the time we arrived at 7pm, the place was completely packed. Still, we managed to find a decent spot with a clear view of the stage (albeit from several hundred metres back), and waited for Nickelback to grace the stage.

For their debut concert in New Zealand, I’d have to say that Nickelback definitely

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more the soundtrack to some abstract dreamscape. An invented landscape for their fictional language. Jonsi’s impassioned falsetto evokes Radiohead’s Thom Yorke conversing with orca whales.

He attacks his guitar strings with a cello bow to create the characteristic sweeping, harmonic distortion over the thunderous pounding of drums, throbbing bass, unnervingly jarring percussion and the swells of a string quartet. The result is overwhelmingly emotive, cathartic and joyous.

To call tonight’s performance ‘epic’ would be a gross understatement - it’s not only long, but also overwhelming, a sustained assault on the senses.

They begin veiled with a sheet of white gauze, the backlit band casting ghoulish distorted shadows. The veil is lifted to reveal four (almost disappointingly) ordinary-looking young men making an extraordinary racket. Jonsi’s eyes are closed and his mouth contorted into an impassioned grimace. Soon the members

picked the wrong band to open for. Most of the crowd was in their 40s, and despite the huge amounts of enthusiasm in Nickelback’s playing, they couldn’t draw the same enthusiasm from the crowd. In fact, the biggest cheers they got were for mentioning the Rolling Stones. Still, their set was highly entertaining, opening with some of their earlier hits before really getting the crowd going, encouraging the audience to sing along during ‘Someday’ and ‘How You Remind Me’, and no doubt shocking a few oldies when they finished up with the rather dirty ‘Figured You Out’.

Sadly their set was much too short - with only seven songs in total they really didn’t play as much as they could have.

After a break, The Rolling Stones entered with a Big Bang, as fireworks went off and the main stage came to life. They wasted no time in getting started, and opened up with ‘Jumping Jack Flash’. During the set, clips from their old music videos played on the big screen, which definitely showed how much they’d aged in looks.

Still, Mick Jagger proved that a 62 year old can still dance, putting on a brilliant display and almost constantly moving Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

of enchanting opening act Amina, four elvin young ladies, are beckoned out and float into place as the string quartet.

There is no convivial banter between the band, much less with their audience. The music—inspiring, engaging, complex and yet elegantly simple—communicates all that needs to be said. The most compelling movements from their four albums are explored, extended and torn apart in ways that are as playful as they are cathartic.

Every now and then one of the Amina girls wafts from their podium to tinkle an etheral xylophone or bash at the pipes of the metallophone, or bass player Georg beats out a military tattoo on his strings with a drumstick.

They end with a short encore and a suitably theatric bow, before once again being veiled behind the gauzy curtain. It’s early, not even midnight, but the faces pouring from the St James look exausted, breathless and wide-eyed with amazement and wonder. Sigur Rós are something magical.

across the stage. He even dedicated a song to the people of Waikato, playing ‘Oh No, Not You Again’ just for us. Keith Richards briefly took centre stage to play one of his songs, though I’d have to say that while his guitar is brilliant, his voice isn’t the best, and we were thankful when he stopped singing. The set ended well, with the crowd singing along to the double encore of ‘You Can’t Always Get What You Want’ and ‘Brown Sugar’. The whole show wrapped up just before 11pm, ending with a huge fireworks display – definitely A Bigger Bang than the first, and a fitting end to what was probably their last tour ever in New Zealand.

Regulars language and dangling cables, literally trying not to crap myself, I have time ponder these questions and many more.

Why is it every time I am perched at the top of a ladder, I suddenly have the urge to run off to the bathroom? I don’t suffer from vertigo, I’m not on any of those fad hippie-cleansing diets that play havoc with the digestive system, and I’ve never experienced any ladder related trauma before. It is one of life’s great mysteries; like what exactly was in that ‘steak’ pie I just ate, and why do incredibly attractive girls find that drongo Pharrell so appealing?

So there I am, precariously balanced atop a doggie custom ladder in L4. On tiptoes, with arms extending toward the heavens, I am feverishly going about my chores. In a hail of screws, tools, obscene

The Rolling Stones

From another point of view...

by Killer Mime WARNING: This review is biased - the reviewer has loved The Rolling Stones, with a passion, for more than 30 years and is thus apt to be less critical than is strictly required.

On the courtesy bus out to the stadium I couldn’t help noticing I was the youngest one there, and I’m 43. This was gonna be a weird gig. The Springs looked more like they’d been decked out for a company picnic than for a rock show, what with the $500 seats where the mosh pit should be, the champagne bbqs and the parents with their children[who were with their children] - welcome to the world of corporate rock.

The less said about support act

Unlike Pharrell, not all of us make excessive amounts of money by prancing around with smutty looking women; some actually work hard for a comparatively meager living. Although, lots of money, smutty chicks… this isn’t sounding all that bad. If I had any vocal talent, I’d get in on the act, after all this is a pretty good time to start. For those who haven’t heard, auditions for the very first Waikato University Idol start on May 2nd. If you have entered, best of luck; for the rest, we’ll keep you up to date as the competition heats up.

If you didn’t enter the above, and still plan on dazzling audiences with your musical and creative genius, then there is always the Fieldays. The 2006 Sonic Arts Challenge could be right up your alley.

Open to people of all ages from around New Zealand, the event involves creating music out of New Zealand agricultural

Nickleback the better. Suffice it to say they provided competent, if uninspiring, MOR rock which the crowd greeted enthusiastically.

The lights dimmed, the fireworks fired, the giant video screen screamed and ladies and gentlemen…THE ROLLING STONES! Enter that arthritic old junkie Keef Richards, grinning from ear to ear, striking up the thunderous opening chords to ‘Jumping Jack Flash’ and on sprints Jack Flash himself, Sir Michael Phillip Jagger, resplendent in black silk and a Liberace style gold jacket, proving that, for some people, 62 is the new 18. And the rest - a sinuous, reptilian Ron Woods, drummer Charlie Watts encased in some kind of perspex cage…newish bass player Darryl Jones, a keyboard player, two backing vocalists, an extra guitar player and a 4 man brass section, including the legendary Bobby Keys on sax.

What followed was a 2 hour greatest hits package, with the obligatory couple of numbers off their latest album ‘A Bigger Bang’ which held up surprisingly well amidst the classics. Highlights included an Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

products, by-products, equipment crops.

or

Entries close on May 19, 2006.

Contestants must send in a video or DVD recording of their music. The performance is to be three minutes in duration and will be judged upon either the technology used or the musical quality of the performance.

It is up to each entrant as to which category(ies) they nominate their work for. Instruments need to be transportable and the judges are looking for aspects of creativity, ingenuity and humor.

My over ripe kiwi fruit drum kit & lead pipe sticks didn’t sound all that flash, but the entertainment value alone was worth the effort. Once I’ve cleaned up a little, given Jim Henderson back Animals’ threads, and recovered from all my sprains and strains, I might work on a more serious attempt. If you’re keen battling creative Titans such as myself, go check out the website (http://www. fieldays.co.nz/index.php/pi_pageid/112) and get busy.

extended workout on ‘Midnight Rambler’ complete with Mr Jagger oozing down a staircase and almost recapturing the sexual menace he frightened parents with in the sixties, Keef’s new song ‘This Place Is Empty’ in which he displayed a surprisingly rich and emotive country baritone and cracked the crowd up with his comedy intro “It’s great to be here… in fact it’s great to be anywhere.” Jagger’s amazing athleticism, the haphazard tapestry of chunky chords and jarring leads woven between the guitars of Keef and Ron, the superb backing mucisians… the crowd pleasing finale of ‘Satisfaction’ and ‘Honky Tonk Woman’ or was it ‘Brown Sugar’, and, of course, the state of the art light and sound stadium extravaganza.

The Stones. A sad caricature of their former glory? Probably. A billion dollar corporate machine? Definitely. The greatest rock and roll band in the world?

Probably not anymore. But were they any good? FUCK OFF! It was the Rolling Stones, they were fantastic. Bring on the zimmer frames and we’ll see ‘em again in 10 years time.

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Columns

The Art of Good Gift Giving We’ve all been given that gift, which now lies hidden in a wardrobe, under a bed or right at the bottom of a drawer and some people just keep on giving us these now hidden gifts.

There’s an art to buy someone a gift they like. It’s simple and requires less effort than surveying passers-by, or questioning the shop assistant and is far less stressful than giving that gift you’re not to sure about.

LMP – Less Maoris in Parliament

Plan in advance your secret squirrel way of getting the information you need. Don’t under estimate how tricky your top secret mission may be, you can’t expect one quick text conversation or a chat outside a lecture theatre to make it all abundantly clear.

But scarier than their appearance (if possible) are their policies. Take, for example, this ridiculous bullshit about trying to outlaw tobacco. If the Maori party had thought through this insane idea of theirs, they would see just how stupid it is. As they see it, tobacco should be made illegal as it is one of the biggest killers of Maori (and non-Maori). Can’t argue with that. But have they thought through what a complete ban on tobacco would mean? Illegal dealers would spring up everywhere. You think we have a problem controlling drugs now? Well let’s implement this crazy scheme and watch the cops pull their hair out in frustration and organised crime levels soar. That huge amount of money the government makes from taxing tobacco disappears instantly. So, to compensate, taxes on alcohol and (gasp) petrol increase.

The Trick Listen – listen carefully, try and pick up on phrases such as “I really like…” or “xyz really sucks”, you’ll at least figure what not to get if nothing else. Subtly start conversations about current trends (guys, this could be tricky!) and see what likes and dislikes come up. Mention a few shops you were thinking of checking out, and see what reactions you get. I generally get over excited at the thought of shopping and blurt out ten different things I like, within a mentioned shop. Or if I’m not particularly keen on a shop, I’ll quickly steer the conversation towards shops that are more my style.

Look – Use your peepers, and notice things about the future recipient of your great gift. Pay specific attention to things that you can afford, don’t go noticing $200 boots from Overland which aren’t your budget. Pay attention to the style of accessories like handbags, wallet, jewellery, and things decorating the person’s room or house. You want to be able to walk into a shop and say “Wow that’s so [insert name here].”

Expanding on this using your peepers method is showing your interest. If you see something of [insert name here]’s ask where they got it.

If you find yourself really really struggling I suggest you enlist some help. Ask the future recipient of your really great gift, what their favourite shops are and specifically what they like from these shops. I love Trade Aid but don’t want a huge drum, or woolly rug. Or even more sneaky, and I like sneaky, ask friends and family what the recipient would like and where they suggest shopping. HINT; generally forget about buying practical gifts for girlfriends, chick friends and mothers unless they specifically ask. Presents should be treats, not irons or vacuum cleaners.

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I would like to make a plea to all Maori out there: Please, please, please choose to go onto the general voting role, and not the Maori one. The last thing we all need is more Maori MPs who have lost all touch with reality. It seems to me that to be a Maori MP, you have to have reached a certain weight and chosen a haircut that went out of fashion twenty years ago. Pita, that mullet just aint workin’ for ya, buddy.

I’m sick of politicians telling me what is good for me and what isn’t. I’m sure all smokers have read the warning and are quite aware of the huge risk they are taking with their health by smoking. They have the freedom to choose to continue smoking if they want.

And let’s face it; there are so many other ways to kill yourself.

Cars, guns, contact sports. Hell, why don’t I pull out the old “slip on the soap in the shower and hit your head” example.

It could happen. So what do we do? Eliminate everything that has the ability to kill us? No more cars, guns, rugby or soap.

In fact, no doing anything. You could trip over while walking, break your neck and kill yourself.

If the Maori Party really wanted to do something to help their people, how about they work on the huge number of deaths caused by poor eating and lack of exercise that leads to obesity? Oh, that’s right. Most of the Maori MPs are huge, overweight taniwhas themselves. God forbid they lead by example.

Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

Columns

Ever had a man tell you that if you were his girlfriend he’d treat you like a goddess? Ever had a little black mental patient called Winston tell you that if you were his girlfriend he’d treat you like a goddess?

Welcome to my world.

My favourite little mental patient friend, Winston wants to come home with me for dinner. He wants to be my boyfriend. I’m beginning to consider taking him up on his offer.

Aside from that, three of my friends from New Zealand have booked their tickets to come to the UK. I’ve been missing my little New Zealand friends, and soon I’ll have some of them here to hang out with. Maybe I can hook them up with patients too. I’ll have to ask Winston next time I see him if he has any friends.

It’s so exciting when you finally book your ticket. You have a date, a huge dent in your bank balance, and most importantly the adventure is about to begin. You’ve scrimped and saved for as long as you can remember. You’ve done with out life’s little luxuries and extravagances and now, you are almost ready to go.

I’d recommend an OE to anyone. It opens your eyes to the world.

It’s not like it seems on movies. It’s not through some directors piggy little eyes anymore; it’s through your own. You can come to your own decisions and conclusions. It’s ever so exciting.

You can find yourself a little job, make yourself some little and not so little friends, set yourself up, and enjoy the lilting, tilting accents around you. You could even develop a little accent of your own, it’s quite easy, although I do miss the allure of people not knowing where I’m from, but knowing I’m from somewhere else.

Don’t be offended if people ask you whether you’re from Australia or South Africa. It’s like me knowing the difference between the different accents here, impossible to determine with an untrained ear. The beauty of world travel. It makes me want to paint a little picture. I don’t know how long I will be in this little country, but I do know this, it depends on whether Winston proposes anytime soon. My little mental patient.

THE PLAYER PRESENTS:

GAMES YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED! Viewtiful Joe PS2

by Josh

Well hello there, I see you’ve been expecting me. This is The Panther’s new segment called Top 3. Every week there will be the top or worst three things in the world, to start things of this week are the top 3 most beautiful cars in the world.

3 The Aston martin V8 Vanquish, I know what you’re thinking - a V8? What a pussy, he should have put in the V12, well sir to you I say Fuck Off! Yeah don’t have a comeback for that, do you?

2. The Lambourghini Countash, Well just look at it, it looks like it’s from the year 2000 woooo! I don’t know about you but that’s the year I live in and all cars should look like this bum bum bum!!!

1. The most sexalishis pimpmobile on the block! Of course it’s the GT40, some Holden fans may be dismayed at the fact that a Ford is the most beautiful car ever but don’t fret my little Aussie battlers - a Holden is sure to be at the top of the pile of crap top 3 list along side horse manure and American pride.

Every so often, a brilliant game surfaces - only to be ignored by the Grand Theft Auto-addled gaming masses, at which point said brilliant game dies a slow death.

One such game is Viewtiful Joe. Now the hardcore gamers amongst you will be howling at me for even suggesting that this game was unpopular, and with good reason – it has sold a good few copies and spawned several sequels. But the fact is, most casual gamers have never even heard of this game. Debuting on Nintendo’s hopelessly under-appreciated

Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

BROUGHT TO YOU BY:

SHOP 105, (UPSTAIRS) CENTREPLACE

Gamecube console, Viewtiful Joe tells the story of a young man (Joe) who journeys into the world of the movies to save his girlfriend.

Yes, the story is crap. It’s meant to be. Veiwtiful Joe’s gameplay spoofs hackneyed movie clichés like superheroics, unbeatable kung fu masters and bullet time to name a few. And it’s wicked fun to play. You get an assortment of cool powers and the gameplay is over-the-top fun, fast and frenetic.

It’s also cel-shaded 2-d, which is gamer-speak for “looks like a cartoon.” The side-scrolling action is a bit like a souped-up Metal Slug, which any self-respecting spacies addict should have clocked at least 200 times.

Enough chat. Viewtiful Joe is available at Games Plus for PS2 for $30, and can be found fairly easily on TradeMe. Just buy it.

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Columns

...BUT NOT T HIS

GOES TO A PARTY

ONE

I used to think going to Auckland was pointless, seeing as there is SO much to do in Hamilton, but when I heard of a party being held by the little brother of our friend Andrew, the Education Officer, there was no way I was going to miss out on this.

And if you could believe I wasn’t sold at the mention of a party in a basement in the slums of Papakura , Andrew also added that there would be 16 year olds… drunken 16 year olds in mini-skirts… girls too.

Andrew, our Education Officer, assured me that since he picked up at least 7 girls last time, we should be able to get lucky that night.

Seeing as that it had been two weeks since Medium Salsa got her tongue pierced, and oral sex was back on the menu, we decided to bring her too to distract the 16 year-old boys.

Not knowing what exactly gets 16 year olds all hot and bothered, we decided to stock up on Pokemon cards and Raro. I put on my best ripped jeans, brown loafers, and gray, sweat-stained wifebeater. After bathing in Lynx we were ready to round us up some barely legal ass.

As you know, the drive to Auckland is long and excruciating therefore drinking on the way is a must. Only in the back seat please; the front seat is for road head, and that’s serious business.

Having reached Papakura, we secured our shoes, wallets and Pokemon cards and rebathed each other in Lynx (Click… I mean if that dude can get more clicks than Ben Affleck, then it’s good enough to get some pre-pubescent ass). We received a tour of the basement. I called bottom bunk, even though it already had a ginger electrician in it.

So as to increase my alcohol consumption ability to that above 16 year-old 40kg girls, we ventured out to Wendy’s, where the meals come in 5kg portions, with the option of up-sizing to 116kg portions (FOR ONLY $.50!!!!). I happen to believe this is the ONLY good thing about Auckland. Having consumed our Triple dog meat cheese loaf dog burger with fries and a frostie and a litre of coke, we were ready to start drinking in earnest.

Arriving back at 6:30, the party was already underway. We figure it’s cos 16 year-olds have a 10:00 pm bedtime, so as to be able to watch cartoons in the morning. Upon entering the basement we found a strobe light, Britney Spears on the stereo and skirts smaller than anything seen in the Outback.

year olds like dancing… and when I drink, I can DANCE. Don’t know how, just throw my shit out there and it looks AWESOME. Furthermore, I also become much more charming, funny and a fantastic singer (and swinger, if I’m feeling lucky).

Unfortunately, we missed one aspect of this party. For some reason, when five 20 year olds enter the room, and begin to grind up against a bunch of girls one third of their size… the girls, they get creeped out. And little Timmy was also kind of creeped when Andrew decided he might have more luck with the boys. He may have also been put off by Andrew throwing him against the glass shower door, subsequently breaking it.

Tired of being rejected and seeing girls hook up with guys their own age, we began spreading the rumor that we called the cops.

After 24 minutes stragglers still remained, those too drunk to leave.

However, to spite those who rejected us, we took an 11PM trip to the 24/7 Countdown for sustenance for Medium Salsa to soak up some massively excessive amounts of alcohol.

Being a lazy American, and the only girl, Medium Salsa couldn’t be bothered walking back so Andrew, the Education Osifer, a friend to all the ladies, bought a trolley off a Papakura hobo for $17 and pushed her back to the basement in it.

All would be well and good if it wasn’t for The Man getting us down. Stopped by the Police we were directed to put the trolley back…and the road cone…and the 4 year old child. Assuming the Police wouldn’t believe us that the trolley was ACTUALLY our legal property because the hobo didn’t write us a fucking receipt (hindsight is a bitch), we ditched the artifacts in the bushes, putting the kid under the trolley like a cage.

In conclusion the themes presented in this article, would be that 16 year-old girls don’t know what they’re missing. And The Man will always get you down. And always ask for receipts, whether you’re purchasing a baby or a trolley.

We decided that heavy drinking was required. For you see, 16

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Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

Columns

by Burton C. Bogan

I bought this cool Metal book the other day (Yes, bogans can read). In University speak it’s: Sharpe-Young, G. (2005). New wave of American Heavy Metal. New Plymouth: Zonda Books.

After reading through it I came to realise that there are some weird names for bands these days. Here are some of the more mentionable ones: Pissing Razors: This one I had heard before and the coolest song has to be ‘Dodging Bullets’. As you can imagine, the name comes from how an ex-vocalist describes urinating during an infection caused by an STD. www.pissingrazors.com.

Goatwhore: Laughed my ass off when I read this one. Named after an ‘ugly’ incident with an ugly stripper! I checked out their website www.goatwhore.net which lead me to a place where you can download their single ‘Blood Guilt Eucharist’ (www. rottenrecords.com). Going to this website I found a new entry for stupid band names: Vampire Moose. Conjures up all kinds of fucked up images, doesn’t it?

New Mexican Erection: So I was laughing my ass off at ‘Goatwhore’ and then I read this and so continued my laughing on the floor. www.newmexicanerection.com

Billyclub Sandwich: For those who don’t know, a Billyclub is a cop truncheon, which makes this rather amusing. A hardcore band from the Bronx (Where else?) Actually sound pretty cool. www. billyclubsandwich.com GWAR (God What A Racket): One of my all time favourite bands. Started off as a marketing project (listen up management students, it’s a cool idea!) that then actually gained success. If you like DIC check these guys out, particularly the album We Kill Everything. Kinda punky, but not, kinda Metal, but not. Beavis & Butthead’s favourite band - there was once a Megadrive game where you were Beavis & Butthead and the aim was to get GWAR tickets. The story goes that they are rebel space pirates who were banished to planet earth, wiped out the dinosaurs, created mankind, destroyed Atlantis and then built Stonehenge so they could play croquet. Unfortunately they were punished by ‘The Master’ and imprisoned in a giant iceberg in Antarctica. Every now and then they escape to write a new album. Song Titles include: ‘Fish Fuck’, ‘Penguin Attack’, ‘Sex Cow’ & ‘Fucking an Animal’. Song lyrics are hilarious, some of my favourite being: ‘I will blow hot fart on you, I will build an R2D2’ & ‘Fucking an Animal, I’m proud of what I do, Fucking an Animal, I had a great time at the zoo’. www.gwar.net Just before I go: Just wanted to say that no promises, but there may be some Metal events coming up on Campus. Hopefully some beer, bands, at the very least some good music blasting outside the banks. So if it happens, and I’ll be pushing for it, then we gotta get out there and support it so we can have more of the same.

METAL UP YOUR CAMPUS! See ya at 6ft.

C.J. and Macca’s Classic Rock Reviews Lynyrd Skynyrd – The Essential Reviewed by Macca You may not be familiar with the name Lynyrd Skynyrd, but you most definitely will be familiar with ‘Sweet Home Alabama’. Skynyrd are viewed by many as the definitive southern rock band, fusing the overdriven power of blues-rock with a rebellious Southern image and a hard rock swagger. However the band never achieved the fame and musical recognition it should have as it has always been (incorrectly) labeled as a racist band.

As Burnzy said last week, I do think Skynyrd is better than CCR, but that is just my personal opinion. If half the band weren’t killed in the plane crash after only 4 years of recording, who knows what could have been. I was going to review the album One More From The Road, one of the best live albums by any band ever, but since Burnzy reviewed the ‘CCR Platinum’

album I may as well do the Skynyrd equivalent. This week’s album is Lynyrd Skynyrd – The Essential.

The album is a double CD, full of the best ass kickin’ southern rock you’ll ever hear. Of course there is the immensely popular ‘Sweet Home Alabama’, a song written in response to Neil Young’s antiracist, anti-cross burning songs ‘Alabama’ and ‘Southern Man’. Skynyrd’s reply was intended to mean, essentially, “Thank you for your opinion Neil, now leave us alone.” However some idiots took the song as having racist connotations, further enforcing the view of Skynyrd as racists.

The best song on this album is the legendary 13.5 minute long, live version of ‘Freebird’. The song has it all, from the start with its smooth piano and slide guitar work to the all out guitar solo for the final seven and a half minutes. The solo is so amazing that it is constantly rated one of the top three guitar solos of all time. ‘Freebird’ itself is also rated as one of the greatest rock songs ever and Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

has rivalled ‘Stairway to Heaven’ as the most requested rock song on FM radio.

Some of the other awesome songs include ‘Simple Man’, ‘Tuesday’s Gone’, ‘Call Me The Breeze’ and ‘Gimme Three Steps’.

‘Lynyrd Skynyrd – The Essentials’ is a must for any rock fan to have in their collection. The album showcases the best of Skynyrd’s work and it won’t leave you disappointed. Oh, and remember, “Nobody could out drink, out drug, or out fight Lynyrd Skynyrd!” 9.5/10

Competition The winner of last review’s prize, Super Colossal by Joe Satriani, is garyo@waikato. Congratulations!

This week’s prize, courtesy of Radio Hauraki is nothing to do with Skynyrd at all, it’s 2 Village Skycity movie tickets.

Question: Name Skynrd’s lead singer that died in a plane crash in 1977?

Email answer to cjw37@waikato.ac.nz

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Uncle Jim! We missed you over the break

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Issue 8 路 1 May 2006

COMICS FOR YOU

Issue 8 路 1 May 2006

39

Flat Feed

Chicken Noodle Stir Fry

by Danielle Thomson

Ingredients

Matt recommends Honey Mustard Grain Waves to fend off appetite attacks “Almost as addictive as crack!”

Student’s Kitchen

by Hazazel

To Meat or Not to Meat Meat is expensive. You don’t need it every day (or at all!), but if you can’t live without it, keep an eye out for great deals at butchers (Mad Butcher, Export Meat Warehouse etc). You can get mixed packs of chicken pieces, mince, steaks etc for about $20. Split them up into meal-sized servings before you freeze them, so you don’t have to eat them all at once!

Learn from cuisines that traditionally didn’t have a lot of meat. Eke it out with lots of rice, pasta, vegetables... Let’s say you’re having chile con carne. If you cook beans in advance, you can add tons of substance. You can also add chopped/ grated veges to the mince as you cook (I like pumpkin in chile). Serve with heaps of rice, and lots of raw veges to garnish (lettuce, onion, carrot...).

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85g packet of 2min noodles 4 chicken thigh fillets 1 tablespoon cornflour 2 tablespoons oil 1 tablespoon grated fresh ginger (or the cheats smashed up stuff) 4 cups frozen mixed veggies 1 clove of garlic (or the cheats pre-mushed stuff) 1 tablespoon soy sauce 1 teaspoon curry powder

Method In a bowl add the noodles to two cups of boiling water break the noodles up and leave for approximately 30mins.

Cut the chicken into thin strips and coat with the cornflour.

Carbs are filling. Rice is the classic student filler. I’ve already mentioned potatoes. Pasta can be a meal component, or just add a sauce (or even a drizzle of olive oil and some seasoning) to make a simple feed. A scone dough makes a quick and easy pizza base, and pizza never feels like a cheap meal! And then there are the dreaded noodles. Anything’s better than living off 2-minute noodles, but even the humble noodle can be improved with a few veges (frozen, finely chopped or quick cooking ones can cook in the same amount of time as the noodles!), and maybe a fried egg. Eggs are good. If you beat an egg or two with a little salt and pepper, fry it, roll it, and slice it, you can add protein to a meatless stir-fry. Tofu is another cheap source of protein (available at Asian shops and many grocery stores).

You can buy beans, lentils, chickpeas etc from Bin Inn and other bulk food stores very cheaply. Some need pre-soaking, and they can take a while to cook, but they can be used to add bulk to any meal, or as a delicious meal in themselves (check out any Indian/Mexican cookbook). You will need a few herbs and spices, but they are a very worthwhile investment anyway. You Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

Heat the oil in the frying pan, and put the coated chicken strips in, stir-fry over high heat for two minutes or until lightly browned.

Add ginger and garlic and stir-fry for 1min, add the veggies, soy sauce and curry powder and stir-fry for an additional 3mins or until tender.

Drain the noodles; put them in the pan with the veggies and chicken and stir-fry until heated through. You can use strips of lamb, beef or next door neighbour if you’d prefer. can also buy alfalfa and other sproutable seeds at Bin Inn. They take some time and trouble to sprout, but it’s practically free food!

Soup is great. Chop up whatever veges you have (even cooked leftovers), fry some onion + garlic in oil, throw in a litre or so of stock (made from powder is easiest) and the other veges, and some rice/lentils/ barley/small pasta, and boil till it’s done.

To add flavour and protein, throw in some chicken necks from the butcher (you can use a piece of chicken, but honestly, you can buy a tray of necks for $2!), and once they’re cooked, fish them out, let them cool a bit, and strip the meat off. Throw out the bones, and put the meat back in the soup. Mmmm.. chicken. You can also use the leftover carcass of a roast chicken to make soup stock, if you happen to have roast chicken!

Sometimes you need to put in a little extra effort to get the most out of your food money, but the health of your bank balance and your body are at stake! Well, that’s my two cents for this week. Donations to facilitate an actual review next week can be sent via the Nexus office.

Flat Feed

by Nick Maarhuis

Issue 8 路 1 May 2006

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Citric

by M. Emery

The New Zealand Music month of May is upon us. Expect more shows in H-town than usual and some nights likely to be host to two or three shows. There are also bound to be some new releases from New Zealand acts including a few local crews as well.

Mega Event.This year The Circle Jerk hits The Castle on Ward Street opposite Havoc, Saturday 27th May. 12 bands will be performing covers of Hamilton acts as well as their own tunes. Line up to be announced soon.

On the 8th of May The Datsuns will release their new 4 song EP on white 10” vinyl. The EP includes Stuck Here For Days and Kick and a Bang, both heard live in New Zealand during the bands January tour. If you can’t get your hands on one of the limited edition vinyl copies, then try downloading the songs from: http:// thedatsuns.com

1QA (Melbourne), The New Caledonia, The Shaky Hands @ Sohl Bar, 19th May. Three classy bands playing a diverse mix of modern rock. 1QA migrated from New Zealand to Australia but are back for a quick tour and are well worth checking out. Download their music for free at: www.myspace.com/1qa and start practicing your dance moves!

The site will allow a limited number of 1000 downloads only on the day of release - first come first served!

Competition

4 Second Fuse recently completed work on a forthcoming EP, We Foresee Confusion.

H-town happenings and general forum misbehavior check out www.htown.co.nz For info on H-town bands past and present persuse for pleasure, http://htown.elwiki.com

Some shows to check out this weekend Peace Skank Enquiry, Bad Bride, Dick Dynamite and one Doppelganger, Gawj @ Upsett Records, 333 Victoria Street, Sat 6 May. First band starts at 9pm. Upsett Records is an upstairs punk records store across the road from Anz Bank on Victoria Street.

Bring some ping and get delicious punk vinyl and assorted punk accessories.

Cherry’s Gemstones + Go Genre Everything & The Shrugs @ Sohl, 236 Victoria Street, Sat 6 May. Fresh from opening up Nz Music Month at the Wellington Town Hall with Deja Voodoo and The Bleeders, Cherry’s Gemstones are on a nationwide tour of New Zealand. Check them out at: www.myspace.com/cherrysgemstones Agent with Slipping Tongue & Aether @ Six Foot Under, Sat 6 May. Metal in all shapes, forms and sexes.

These shows are practically across the road from each other. You could go to all of them if you are ultra keen and have a varied taste in music.

Also a bit later this month Circle Jerk ‘06 Following on from the successful ’05 Circle Jerk, comes the ’06

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Win a copy of Gadget Goose’s two debut albums Everything Is Great and Instant Everything by emailing nexus@waikato.ac.nz with your name and details and your best goose-related poem.

Rob Zombie

Educated Horses The first release from Rob Zombie in over four years finds him still mining classic horror/hell b-grade references in a watered down version of his previous efforts. It’s hard to tell whether the devil man is mellowing out with age or whether he’s growled his larynx to destruction. There’s still a lot of heavy grinding tunes on this disc but Rob seems to sing in his sleazy whine a lot more than he does his booming baritone growl these days. There’s nothing here as catchy as ‘More Human Than Human’ but it is still a solid collection of satanic verses. With John Five from Marilyn Manson now in the ranks there is a bit more diversity in the sounds on this disc. Acoustic guitars mix in amongst the metal/industrial pop deluges as well as the typical movie samples. All in all a solid effort that I’m already preferring to his last release The Sinister Urge.

Wednesday Jam Sessions at Fat Bellies Every Wednesday, Fat Bellies on Hood Street host jam sessions and welcome all musicians to come down and perform. A wide range of music can be heard on the stage at Fat Bellies, everything from classic metal to gentle folk renditions. The night is regularly hosted by The Rinky Dinks who bust out pub rock and deviant pop covers in between guest artists. Woodstock specials are on hand every week served by sparkling bar staff who offer hope in every vessel. An upcoming competition offers performers and drinkers an opportunity to win a Woodstock guitar and amp. The more you drink the more chances you have to win! So get on down to Fat Bellies this Wednesday and maybe you’ll wake up with more than a hangover and someone who’s name you can’t remember on Thursday!

Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

by Kazuma Namioka

The Dresden Dolls in Paradise

King Kong

Some people have told me they dislike “King Kong”, so I thought I’d start the review proper by going over some “faults” people saw in it. First: too much CGI. I should point out that once you’ve seen a real battle between an 8-metre ape and three fictitious dinosaurs, a detailed, computergenerated recreation isn’t the same, but is still far superior to having guys in suits. I watch Godzilla movies, so I know.

Second: racist undertones. Evidence for this is apparently black islanders and a big black gorilla. Gorillas are black, can’t be helped, and above is also true of islanders. This is clearly seen in the Filipino, Asian-Islanders who look Asian but have dark skin. The only white islanders I’ve ever seen have cameras and are shouting at their kids or voting each other off. Oh, and Gilligan. Third: not as good as the original.

What? Cut the ’shrooms out man, turning you into someone I don’t even know.

Seeing Jack Black’s performance will almost make you want to watch his other films. Witness, as Jamie Bell sprints like a protester come the teargas along a crumbling precipice while tonnes of screaming dinosaur hurtle around him. Wet your pants when awful arthropod abominations swarm out of every shadow of the valley of death, like antichrists on six-plus legs.

Swoon before the on-screen presence of Adrian “The Pianist” Brody. If what they say about big noses is true, he’s a boogie knight in shining amour. Nicole, sorry, Naomi Watts screams like her face lost pressure, every orifice gaping wide, volume turned UP. And player of the match, employee of the month, Andy Serkis is Kong, the seismic tossin’, chest beatin’, jaw breakin’ monument of a rugby-head metaphor. Missing this movie would be like if Pakistan won the World Cup and you were an Indian on the border, watching the Pakistani women getting all drunk and you were stuck in your shack and not allowed to eat beef.

The Dresden Dolls are a two piece, Amanda Palmer playing keyboard and singing, or at least doing her best, and Brian Viglione banging on drums. I think I can safely say they’re a little weird. Theirs is the kind of music that deserves to be in the Alternative section, rather than, say, fucking Pennywise, whose presence in the section suggests it just means An Alternative Place to Put Bands From Other Categories.

Couple of face-painted weirdos that they are, the freaks were out in force at the gig in Auckland some years ago, and this fact coupled with an intense performance made them for me live. Good news is this DVD’s actual content is mostly made up of live stuff.

DVD also has the music videos for their two hit singles (sic), “Coin Operated Boy” and “Girl Anachronism”. Cool videos, though I noticed they changed the lyrics “I can even fuck him in the ass” in the latter. There was still implied sodomy going on in the video though, keeping it real. There’s also the “A Life in the Day of The Dresden Dolls” documentary, which is probably preferable to have than not. It was pretty boring. If you really like the Dolls you can see how they live and the kind of people they hang with. For me it was useful in answering the question “was it a trick of the light or did Amanda have really hairy legs at the gig?” Now maybe I’ll stop mulling it over in lectures and dreaming about the alternatives at night.

Skin condition? Hairy tights? Just hearing about this group wouldn’t have excited me much either, but see them and it’s something else. You should check them out. They’re artists.

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Reviews

Films The Sentinel Village Cinema

Reviewed by Joe Citizen They couldn’t call this movie ‘The Bodyguard’ so they called it ‘The Sentinel.’

Honestly. I shoulda known better. This Michael Douglas and Kiefer Sutherland flick was a complete waste of time. I want my 90 minutes back. It was one long monotonous mediocre money stealing uninspired piece of white trash from beginning to end. The room ceased being a cinema and became a place where the audience congregated in mass embarrassment. I didn’t pay for my ticket but I still feel robbed. This film is baaaaaad.

The non-existent plot goes like this – the bodyguard of the president of the United States of America is having an affair with the first lady. Somebody wants to kill the president. Somebody tries to frame the bodyguard. He figures it out. That’s it. Subplot is that he had an affair with the wife of the guy that’s investigating him. Excuse me for breathing but where’s the tension?

What’s the motive of the incredibly twodimensional baddies? (Apart from coming from some Mission Impossible mish mash generic baddie state like oh god no not the former communist state of Ukraine – I mean really, where did they get that plot device from, the bottom of a cereal packet?)

Where’re the plot defying special effects, explosions and car chases? What exactly is meant to hold the audience’s attention?

Perhaps I was meant to be impressed by the stratospherically gob-smacking locations of the White House and dubious looking Camp David? Oooh, check out my blog, I’ve been waiting weeks to get a glimpse.

The camera moves are tired and worn out like yesterday’s condom. The lighting is less exciting than Dr. Phil. The costume design looks like every cop drama ever made. Just to make matters worse, there’s this little montage of psychologically mundane overlays of Spanish, Russian and predictably enough truck loads of Arabic, in some art house throw back attempt to portray the hate of all those people with a grudge against the President. I’d rather fire bomb the producers for releasing this on an

Rialto Check Rightio. Now I know there are more than a few people out there who love football, and when I say football, I mean FOOTBALL, the real football, or what other people call soccer. Well this film is for you and don’t be put off by subtitles, I’m gathering that because you are at uni then you can actually read! And sometimes the BEST films ever, that remain with you long after watching it, are foreign subtitled films - for example my fave, Amelie.

returns from Russian prison camps, 12 years after he left for the front, shortly before Mattie was born. His return is marred by his traumatised behaviour, which creates much family conflict. But as the German team edge towards the finals and Richard begins to deal with his new life the Lubanski family finds equilibrium again, Mattie gets a chance to barrack for Rahn and Germany stands a chance against the ruling champs Hungary.

So the film I’m talking about is called Das Wunder von Bern, or ‘The Miracle of Bern’. This is a German film set in 1954, in the lead up to the World Cup. It tells of a young soccer fan ‘Mattie’ who is the personal mascot for local German player Helmut Rahn. As the German team head for Bern and the finals, Mattie’s father Richard

Director Sönke Wortmann’s moving film about the match’s galvanising impact on a football-crazy boy and his war-damaged family has proven a wildly popular contribution to national mythology in 21st century Germany. This film opens 11th May.

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Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

unsuspecting audience.

The best thing that can be said about this film is the sound. I pity the composer. A real talent wasted on complete trash. The editor asked me to put in a positive note if I could so here goes – ‘If you enjoy a good score in the face of totally unremarkable garbage, then go and see this movie.’ I tried Dawn, I really did.

Reviews

Books It’s Not Me, It’s You: The Ultimate Breakup Book Anna Jane Grossman &

In Touch With Grace

Flint Wainess

Jenny Pattrick

(Da Capo Press)

(Random House)

Reviewed by Michelle Coursey

Reviewed by Michelle Coursey

As a fresh-faced new resident of Single-town, I was holding out some hope that this book might be able to help me. I know that’s slightly pathetic, but when it comes to breaking up and living in Reboundland, any port in a storm right?

At the ripe age of 22, incontinence, hearing aids and walking frames seem a fair way off for me. So it was strange to pick up a novel that centres entirely on the world of senior citizens – a group that we hear very little of in fiction.

And actually, this book did help me. It made me laugh. In fact, it made me laugh really hard, at a time when I was more inclined to watch Titanic and feel glad that Leonardo died because Kate should be just as miserable as me. Anyone who has ever found themselves single through the mysterious workings of fate (and let’s face it, that’s most of us) will recognise something in this book.

Jenny Pattrick, a well-respected NZ novelist, had decided to challenge a publisher who explicitly told her not to write about old people because “no-one’s interested in them”. Her novel proves otherwise. The main character, Grace, is a lively, spirited elderly woman who is having to deal with the increasing limitations of her body, a relationship with a caring widower, young people that assume she has nothing better to do than help them with their problems, and the approaching certainty of death.

It has everything – categories of relationships like the “Bio Clockers” or the “Make Your Parents Happies”, the stages of the break-up emotional roller coaster, various reasons that people have broken up with others, and the types of break-ups (I particularly like the celebrity break-up modus operandi). There are plenty of great quotes about the horrors of relationships, and a final section on getting over it all.

At times I worried about the sanity of my guides – Anna and Flint offer a detailed analysis of how to web-stalk your ex, and advocate this as a healthy obsessive pastime. But one of the most helpful parts of the book reminds readers what the positives about being single are, and with suggestions like “stop shaving” for the gals and “watch sports like it’s your job” for the boys, I trusted them again.

When it comes down to it, this is a pop culture book full of silly ideas and silly jokes. However, if it doesn’t make you laugh, giggle and maybe even snort a little, then you clearly have no sense of humour. Or you are happily married to the person you met when you were 10 and have been with ever since. Bastards. For the rest of you, it’s worth a look if you have time. And you probably do.

These are rich themes for a writer – love, death and relationships are part of everyone’s lives, but for the elderly there is also the fullness of history that they have lived through. Grace protested the Springbok tour and got arrested, and debates the proposed change to MMP. In Touch with Grace is, as the title suggests, touching. Pattrick treats her characters as interesting, intelligent people – as alive, rather than the cardboard stereotypes of the kindly grandmother or the crotchety neighbour. Through Grace we see the frustrations of being treated like a child, and the pleasure in connecting with people. It is a gentle reminder that most of us will be old someday; that it is another phase of life, just as challenging as all the others, and hopefully just as rewarding too.

READ IT IF…You’ve still got your own hips but can’t wait to get a mobility scooter

READ IT IF…You’ve got pasta for one and a close bond with your cat

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Inspecting Gadget M. M. Emery Emery talks talks to to Gadget Gadget Goose Goose Gadget Goose are a Hamilton four piece rock band. Emerging from their practice rooms in Hamilton in 2004, Gadget Goose have played a select few shows around Hamilton and also a jaunt down south with fellow Hamiltonians, Amy Racecar and The Clerics. In an unprecedented move for a young band they have recorded and recently released two albums simultaneously. Hell, not even Guns n Roses did that for a debut!

Everything is Great and Instant Everything come in snappy CD format and contain a wealth of rock/pop/bubble bop musical stylings. After a couple line up changes, role reversals and a brief flirtation with a handsome keyboardist during their existence, Gadget Goose have minimized the danger in their line up and have recently played a CD release show for their new works at their River Road Domicile. To penetrate further into the sanctum of the Goose I fired ten questions to vocalist/guitarist Dave Tiplady who responded through the wonder of electronic mail.

How did Gadget Goose come to be?

One day I was out walking in the bush.

Admittedly, I got a little wayward and left the track. After a short while I stumbled upon an old chest - it looked like one of those chests that early NZ settlers brought their belongings to NZ in all those years ago. It was locked but the lock was totally overcome by rust and so I kicked it off and opened the chest. To my complete shock and amazement there lay a strange assortment of old ‘70s sci-fi looking computer/robot parts. They were all laid out as though they were on display on top of an old browned cotton cloth.Too startled for words I started to lift the objects out of the chest one by one, inspecting them each as I went and placing them on the ground beside me. Once I had lined them all up in a neat little row I felt

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a strange sense of euphoria and decided to also lift the browned cotton cloth from the chest. I suddenly became hesitant. I clasped the corner of the cloth between my thumb and index finger and lifted the edge a little.

I couldn’t see anything past the edge of the cloth - it was all dark. I paused. Frustrated by my unexplained fear at the lower portion of the chest’s contents, I suddenly ripped the cloth off in one foul swoop. I was still too scared to look. Before I saw anything I turned and ran back through the forest squeaking random goose noises at the top of my voice and waving my arms about wildly. As you have probably guessed by now, this experience greatly impacted my outlook on life and as a result I decided that I had to start a band. Hence Gadget Goose was born.

tormented and sometimes joyous world and lives. What is the infatuation with elephant lyrics? When I was 12 I made a paper mache elephant. Elephants are large and have tusks. Their words are like honey on my lips.

In your own words from your own mouth how would you describe Gadget Goose’s music?

Ambiguous psycho-pop trance rock, or macho he-man cult metal, or cliché genre specific trash, or ask Petra, I like her definitions.

What have been influences upon Gadgets Goose’s music, culinary or otherwise?

Dysfunctional factionism, blue cheese, Tina Turner and the abomination that causes desolation.

Which bass player was better in Gadget Goose, the new one or the old one?

I like both of them! I also like others.

Where did the songs originate?

That’s a difficult question. Hmm. If you really want to answer this question I think you would have to undertake a quite intensive psycho and social study of the things that have influenced us through life, our core learnt and intuitive values and then weigh this against the level of determinism that you believe in. Then you would possibly have a vague idea of what our souls look like which would lead you to conclude that the songs are pictures of our fractured and Issue 8 · 1 May 2006

What prompted releasing two debut albums at the same time?

Well, I don’t really like most long albums too much and I like silly little interlude bits that interfere with the flow of things so I decided that the only way that I could be truly self indulgent was to make two albums instead of one.

What has been the most serious danger encountered by gadget goose so far?

Our old bass player.

What has been a highlight show for Gadget Goose so far?

I’m starting to think that what really makes a show enjoyable for me is that specifically definable aspect called ‘atmosphere’. So in conclusion, all our shows have been joyously merry occasions and sprinkled with the kind of delight that causes rapturous laughter and the curing of diseases.

What will happen to Gadget Goose now?

We will ascend to heaven in the clouds.

You can win some your own Gadget Goose-y goodness in the shape of their new albums! Go to page 42 and enter the competition.

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