issue 8

*Conditions apply - see staff for details

When I realised I didn’t want to spend my life working with fish, the Graduate Programme let me go straight from a degree in marine biology to working in Telecom’s future development department.

If you’ve got big bold dreams, a degree in just about anything, and a drive to succeed, this could be the place for you. You’ll spend 24 months getting your teeth into three or four jobs across our group of companies, armed with a senior business mentor and regular training. Entries for the Graduate Programme close 9th July 2008. Apply at telecom.co.nz/graduates

Join our Grads at the Graduate Programme info session: Wednesday 21 May, 1pm, L5

TIC 0130 GradRec_Snap_Nexus.indd1 1

28/4/08 9:48:39 AM ISSUE 08

Outlook good – but you’ve got insurance, right? Isn’t that why you bought the dodgy heater, took away the grill, hung kerosene-soaked towels over the front, removed all your belongings to a storage yard, disconnected the fire alarms, and left the house? Should have told your flatmates, though.

Do my new fingerless gloves make me look like a hobo?

Most Likely – you spelled “hero” wrong. They make you look like a hero.

Is Winter finally here?

No – Winter starts on the Winter Solstice of June 21 in the southern hemisphere. Now stop asking me this question every goddamn issue, douchebag. Buy a heater.

Are we going to have a decent ski season this year?

Reply, hazy, try again – because of the ice-fog in the mornings. Which should mean the ski season is going to be killer. As in, it’ll be so cold people will die of hypothermia.

Will Labour win the election?

Without a doubt – and at the celebrations, there will be pig-shaped helium balloons.

Will I ever clear my debts?

Outlook not so good – because you keep spending money. There’s an easy way out, though. Wait till you’re 25, then simply get yourself convicted of a crime that carries around four years jail time – manslaughter should do. While in jail, continue studying, and go on the student allowance. You can save it all, pay off your debts, all while living for free in a room that’s much better than one you’d pay around two hundy a week for at Student Village. Downside: homosexuality is non-optional, although you’ll probably get a lot more action than you do now.

Is the new Portishead album good music to drink to?

My sources say no – but it depends. Do you want to commit suicide?

Will it snow in Hamilton this year?

You may rely on it – which will put an end to the Editor’s repeated and gloomy editorials about global warming. Also, a way will be discovered to make cars run on magic.

Is my flatmate a bitch?

It is decidedly so – he’s a little bitch all right. Stop using the blender after midnight, will you?

Are the Killer Beez the murderous thugs and drug dealers the police seem to think they are?

It is certain – yeah, the cops have got this one in the bag. Except our lame justice system will probably let all the shitwits go. I’m in favour of vigilante justice for this lot. No-one deserves being repeatedly hit over the head with a sack full of doorknobs than those Wu-tang ripping-off, bad-spelling, wanna-be shitheads. God, how I hate gangsters. Worst.

“Culture.” Ever.

Is Winter finally here?

YES – seriously? Shut up. Just shut the hell up. I hate you all.

Will my cheap three bar fire heater from the Warehouse burn down my flat?

Last week’s entries were so stunning, they were directly responsible for the fall of several West African dictatorships (replaced by Communist utopias) and the drought breaking in the Waikato. With that, let’s have a look at this week’s winner.

Dude! Wait! You have a mitt in your eye!

e a mitt in

t! You hav Dude! Wai

your eye!

On that note, remember if you’re textentering, make sure you include your name, so we know who actually won.

Send caption competition entries to nexus@waikato.ac.nz with “caption” in the subject line – or text to 021 235 8436 to be in to win a Burger Fuel voucher for fries, a drink and a burger of your choice!

Remember to include your name, or we’ll just eat it ourselves.

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Congratulations, Ben Gilbert! Come into the Nexus offices to collect a magical voucher of wonder* from Burger Fuel!

Honourable mentions: “Hopoate’s decision to change sports also influenced his decision to change holes” – David Whitley “MLB’s new compulsory contact lens policy increases intimacy among players” – From Some Guy *By which we mean “a meal.”

1.What do you think a refugee is?

2.What’s the most far away place you’ve visited?

3.Which country is most likely to invade New Zealand?

4.What lives in the lakes?

5.What’s your opinion on fingerless gloves?

1.Someone who dosen’t have a home, a place to be 2.Oman 3.Australia 4.Loch Ness monster, he’s just a bit shy 5.They’re a bit dodgey

1.Someone who’s holed up in a camp without a home 2.Wellington 3.Australia, damn dingoes 4.What DOESN’T live in the lake?

5.They’re hot

1.I can’t stop thinking about that episode of American Dad, CAMP RAFOOGEE! 2.Wanaka, they have a dodgey stone statue there….

3.Australia 4.Nessie!

5.They remind me of a US postal worker 1.Someone displaced from their homeland 2.Waratah Bay 3.Tuhoi 4.Kampalabakta 5.They’re cool and hot at the same time

1.Someone without a lake to call home 2.Canada 3.Swaziland of course!

4.My friends, ou and a Taniwha 5.I wanted to get some but then my friend got some so I couldn’t because it would look like I was copying him.

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Editor: Joshua “Hobo” Drummond (nexus@waikato.ac.nz) Design: Talia “Hoodie” Kingi (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) Advertising: Tony “Toothy” Arkell (admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz/ 021 176 6180)

19 Refugees in Hamilton Andrew Neal and Emma Swete check out the refugee community in Hamilton – and the Kiwis who work tirelessly behind the scenes

Assistant Ed: Andrew “Insists on wearing retarded hat” Neal (news@nexus-npl.co.nz) Music Ed: Carl “Shihad jihad” Watkins (toezee@gmail.com) Books Ed: Kelly “Obsessed with sinister books” Badman Film Ed: Art “Yeah, that one” Focker

Contributors 8 Ball, AJ (who makes his billionth appearance in BUSTED this week,) Annabel, Emma, Emma

Check out our time-travelling news feature Vault by Grant Burns on page 12, brand new Nexus comic XXXL by Rowan Oulton on page 18, right under Rant of the Week (also by Grant Burns) and the occasional Phat Controller returns with new writer Cryo.

“The other Emma” Swete, Vitamin C, WSU, Kirril, Carl Watkins, Chris Parnell, Burton C. Bogan, Nick Sicklemore, Fergus Hodgson, Kelly Badman, Jed Laundry, Dr Richard Swainson, Josh, Andrew, Talia, Matt, Grant “Mushroom man” Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash Medallion, Art Focker, Rowan Oulton, Thunder McLoud, Cyro, and everyone who showed up to the contributor meeting/awesome pizza-laced piss-up last week.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association

8 – 13 Café Scientifica, Solomon PM is WU graduate, Student attempts to sell loan on Trade Me, Big Brother starts cellphone tracking, courtesy of more WU grads, Fulbright scholarship meeting, the Vault, Fair-trade fortnight, Nandor speaks at dread-fest, the Police Report and the Nexus Haiku News.

(ASPA) Because that’s the way we like it, that’s the way we like it. (God, I hate that song.)

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. NEXUS: PRODUCING FACETIOUS LEGAL DISCLAIMERS SINCE BEFORE YOUR DAD AND MUM ACCIDENTALLY CONCIEVED YOU. WHAT, YOU DIDN’T KNOW? SORRY.

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL nexus@waikato.ac.nz OR admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176 6180

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton

PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: nexus@waikato.ac.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

This one is dedicated to the refugees, because everyone was one, once.

04 Majickal Ball of Eight 04 Caption Competition 05 Low Five 06 Redundant 07 Editorial 14 Big Picture 15 Lettuce 18 Rant of the Week 18 XXXL 24 WSU guff 28 Puzzle Page 29 Notices 30 Lectern 30 Agony Art 31 Boganology 101 31 The Nerdary 32 A River Runs Through It 32 Essence of Awesome 33 The Phat Controller 33 Café Review 34 Book Reviews 34 Garfield Minus Garfield 35 Moving Pictures 35 Movie Review 36 Citric 37 DVDs 38 Gigs 39 BUSTED

• The “OH MY GOD HOLY SHIT IT’S SO COLD, SO VERY COLD” weather lately.

• The inexplicable way FASS and Law lecturers continue to rabidly believe in Marx and how the revolution is coming

• How I actually secretly like cold weather because it means I have an excuse to wear a scarf.

• The dodgy behaviour of certain lecturers that we’ve known about for years but can’t say anything because we’ll get sued

• Justification on how cold weather actually means global warming is REAL AND WILL KILL US ALL.

• How we got sued that one time. Actually, several times.

• An editorial about how I’ve now written three editorials on climate change and petrol prices and oh god I’m doing it again.

• Angry diatribe on the use of caps lock in letters to the editor, followed by realising I’m a giant hypocrite because I just used it myself.

• Copy and paste one of my 2004 essays on Media Law and hope nobody notices • Writing a short comedy story in lieu of an actual editorial, which ends up running to two thousand words and subsequently no-one reads it.

• The realisation that I’ve already done this twice

• Angry diatribe about how terrifying it is that letters to the editor come from a university populace when half of them are clearly written by people with the collective intelligence of the Uni Lakes.

• An editorial about how I’ve run out of ideas • A giant picture of myself

• An editorial made up entirely of hilarious analogies • Wondering if the Lakes are actually sentient by now, and are thus more intelligent than most of the letter-writers.

• A giant picture of myself and another guy, nude and raping that sculpture of a silver ball with vaginas in it up by the FASS. • How Art already did that last year

• Semi-amusing narcissistic anecdote on how I brought myself a massive dressing gown and a pair of hobo gloves so I can be warm without the need to actually set myself on fire.

• How the Hamilton Serial Rapist is still at large • Drinking before writing editorials: How much is too much?

• Lecturing the ignorant masses on what “narcissistic” means.

• How hard it is to get the Microsoft Word spell-check to get narcissistic” right.

• Ahdsosaih. Ahodljhad! WOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO! I’M GLEAMING THE CUBE! Hahahahahaha. LOL • An entire editorial of LOLcats.

• Student debt • How sick everyone is of editorials about student debt.

• An editorial about how much hangovers suck, and how writing when you’re cut is probably a bad idea.

• Procrastin… oh, fuck it.

• How it sucks to live in Hamilton, especially in winter.

• How sick everyone is because of the idiots who insist on showing up to lectures when they’ve got Rampant Pneumonia or the Rage virus or something and cough it all over everyone else.

• How it sucks to live in Hamilton, especially in winter, but at least it’s not Dunedin.

• “Clever” phraseologies, like “if by ___________, you mean ________ ___.”

• How sick everyone is of having their shit stolen • How sick I am of having people complaining about having their shit stolen because they opt not to lock their doors, believing we somehow live in a utopia

• Steal an excellent editorial idea from Otago University’s Critic magazine and do a sub-par job.

Cheers to Otago’s student magazine Critic and their editor David Large for the “inspiration.”

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New Solomon Islands Prime Minister former Waikato Graduate

Sikua, 48, who was elected by his colleagues in December last year, completed a Doctor of Philosophy at Waikato School of Education in 2003.

As the new Prime Minister Dr Sikua has a challenge ahead to restore stability and mend international relationships. In recent years the Solomons have faced ethnic violence, government misconduct and crime.

He was recently in New Zealand meeting with Helen Clark to discuss

Despite such challenges, Mitchell says

relations between the two countries.

Dr Sikua will make an excellent leader.

Beginning his career as a teacher and principal, Dr Sikua held senior positions in the public service before entering politics less than two years ago.

“I can recall him describing how he carried out fieldwork during a very tense time in the Solomons and how concerned he was about the welfare of his extended family in a village.

To make contact with the participants in his study he occasionally had to travel by canoe, often with his father’s assistance,” he said.

The new Prime Minister of the Solomon Islands, Derek Sikua, is a Waikato University PhD graduate.

As the Solomons Minister of Education and Human Resource Development he was instrumental in influencing education and human resource policies.

At Waikato Dr Sikua’s thesis examined the decentralisation of education administration in the Solomons. This involved evaluating the community high school scheme in the Solomons, which he had overseen as Secretary for Education.

Chief thesis supervisor Dr David Mitchell describes Dr Sikua as an excellent student who was thorough, intelligent, highly motivated, and very responsive to guidance.

Another Waikato supervisor, Professor Noeline Alcorn, agrees he was a delight to teach and was highly respected. Dr Sikua also mentored other Solomon students.

“Derek was keen to learn, humble (in spite of his own extensive knowledge and intelligence) and with a wealth of experience in the issues confronting education in developing countries. He has a tremendous capacity for hard work,” she said.

“Derek is a gentle person, but with very good analytical skills and a clear way of communicating his ideas,” said Mitchell.

Dr Sikua, who is from Ngalitavethi Village in the East Tasiboko of Guadalcanal Province, ousted his controversial predecessor, Manasseh Sogavare, in a no-confidence vote in the Solomon Parliament last month.

Sikau’s research showed the scheme was improving people’s accessibility to secondary school education and was particularly benefiting girls who could attend schools locally.

Upon Dr Sikua’s election, Prime Minister Helen Clark said she looked forward to working closely with Dr Sikua to further strengthen the relationship between New Zealand and the Solomons.

Many Solomon Island girls do not receive a secondary education, due to parents’ reluctance to send them to boarding school. He also identified the challenges these schools face, such as finding teachers, sourcing curriculum resources and other support.

Waikato University’s School of Education has strong ties with the Solomons and is involved in a NZAid funded three-year professional development which focuses on capacity building the country’s only teacher education provider.

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May 12 2008

Café Scientifique is an initiative where “for the price of a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, anyone can come to explore the latest ideas in science and technology.”

The free forums are organised by the University of Waikato’s science and engineering school, and are held around once a month in both Hamilton and Tauranga cafes and bars.

Organiser Allison Campbell said he read about the European idea online and “thought it was cool.”

The meetings feature a guest scientific speaker and are designed to promote public engagement and not have the audience feel like they are in a lecture.

Speakers cover a wide range of topics that are of interest to the public and try to clear up myths and misconceptions about scientific issues.

Dean of the School of Science and Engineering, Richard Price, said he “supported the idea.”

Massey University graduate and third place-winner at this year’s Miss Universe New Zealand contest, Rhonda Grant, has unwittingly caused a stir in academic circles as a result of a news article appearing on the Massey University website.

The article, originally accompanied by a photo of Grant in a white bikini kneeling in the surf, trumpeted her success at the beauty pageant.

Some claim it also served as a promotional tool for Massey University.

The Association of University Staff (AUS) took offence at the article and slammed it as being “one of the most banal news features emanating from a university this year.”

AUS national president, Associate Professor Maureen Montgomery, described the article as “like the formulaic sort of thing that aspiring beauty queens are expected to say when interviewed on the catwalk.”

“Some aspects of science receive a bad press, or inaccurate reporting. Many people have a poor understanding of the nature of science, yet must live in a world where science and technology are increasingly important in their everyday life,” say organisers.

“We get people we know and who are good at speaking without a Powerpoint. We twist a few arms too,” says Campbell.

The open atmosphere of the forums includes a roaming microphone to allow questions to flow easily.

Forum topics are sometimes timely with one topic last year being fluoride and water being held shortly before the Hamilton City council was to make a decision about fluoridating Hamilton’s water.

“That one was very full, we deliberately caused a bit of a stir with that one,” jokes Campbell.

Despite the science and technology involved in the meetings, very few academics actually attend café scientifique – the crowds are mostly made up of the general population.

“The two-way thing is less intimidating to the public, people are more confident in asking questions,” says Campbell

“We get crowds that include everyone from the elderly to people bringing their kids along to learn and even groups of school kids,” says Campbell.

Café Scientifique has been attracting large crowds to the BBC café/bar venue in Hamilton, and at a recent event on the healing qualities of honey, there was standing room only for listeners.

The next Café Scientifique will be held at BBC café and bar in town Tuesday May 13th at 7.30pm and will look at and discuss New Zealand’s changing population from one of New Zealand’s leading demographers.

After receiving “some” complaints, Massey University spokesman James Gardiner told the New Zealand Herald that the bikini photo was removed from the website. It was deemed inappropriate mere hours after it was put up and replaced with a head-and-shoulders shot.

Gardiner also told the Herald that “celebrating student achievement in all areas of endeavour, be they academic, sporting or cultural, has always been encouraged by Massey University.”

Montgomery claims the article was neither a celebration of “the student’s scholastic achievement nor, one should hope, of Massey University’s ability to train beauty-pageant contestants.”

Miss Universe New Zealand director Val Lott said the criticisms of the AUS were unfounded and played to incorrect stereotypes.

Grant, in an interview with Hawke’s Bay Today last month, said her Miss Universe New Zealand experience was both interesting and challenging.

“It’s cool to be rewarded for looking after myself, making the most of the beauty I’ve been given and, most importantly, working on myself from the inside out. I think I am more beautiful inwardly than outwardly and to me that is more important,” she said.

She added that she found it difficult to believe the uproar that had been caused by the photo of her. “I am a bit shocked. It was one lady’s (Montgomery) opinion really.

“I think all she could see was me in a bikini with my hair straight and I just think she should see me for who I am and for what I do for my community.”

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Two Waikato University graduates and one current student have developed cell phone tracking software that could be used to aid in solving crimes.

The software, named Bigbrotherme, has been in development for the last four months by engineering graduate Aaron Wilson, business man Steven Schwartz and current engineering student Alex Timonchev.

“I have definitely enjoyed working on the project and we are definitely making progress,” says Timonchev.

Signals can be emitted from the technology anywhere between 10 seconds to once a day and also features a ‘Panic-button’ for instant transmission.

The use of online signal collection means that the technology can be used globally.

The software manipulates existing capabilities in GPS phones and transmits a signal to a website which can trace a person’s location and path travelled.

The idea came to Aaron Wilson at around January last year when he was watching a news article about a tourist going missing and decided technology could help.

The developers say that the software is reasonably basic with most of the work being done online. The technology is for other people to find a person. GPS and maps for finding yourself are already built into most GPS phones.

“I just thought that with technology these days, things like that just shouldn’t happen,” he says.

The global abilities of the phone also make it perfect for travelling. Travelling tourists can update friends, keep a record of their travels or alert help if they find themselves lost, injured or attacked.

He thought about the idea until late last year when he started development with Schwartz and Timonchev who both worked for the Phatshopper.com website.

Whilst other companies have developed similar software in the past, Wilson says theirs is unique due to the fact it tracks a person, not a vehicle.

“In November last year started work trying to workout what we were going to use and what was realistic,” says Wilson.

Wilson does admit that there are a few issues to be worked out with the software including things like battery usage.

The software can be activated remotely from the website which uses Google Maps to find a single location or trace the path of a person.

“Battery life can be reduced to just a day instead of up to a week, but the software is currently being beta tested – we have hit

The Fulbright New Zealand team will be visiting the University of Waikato on Wednesday, 21 May to talk to students about study opportunities in the United States.

A seminar about the Fulbright scholarship programme will be held in L3 at 1 PM by the team from Wellington, who, according to the scholarships office, are ‘friendly’.

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some stumbling blocks,” says Wilson. But he is confident the product will be a success.

“There are plenty of big markets to sell to,” says Wilson.

The technology could also to be used to cut down time in search and rescue operations.

Whilst the technology is limited by cell phone coverage it could be used to find a starting point to avoid situations “like where rescuers have been looking in the wrong place for a lost hunter.”

Businesses also have the potential to be buyers to keep track of contractors and know if they have gone home after a job or are dead.

“Also, if employees are sent to high risk areas of the world such as the Middle East they can be tracked to ensure their safety,” says Wilson.

Parents who want to keep track of their children are a big market according to Wilson.

“We have spoken to Parentlink who deal with at-risk kids, and we have had lots of parents wanting to keep track of their daughters…for obvious reasons,” he explains.

Elderly people and carers of the elderly is also seen as a market by Wilson as the panic feature will allow them to get help immediately if they are involved in a fall and patients with Alzheimer’s could be found if they wander off.

“If there’s any chance that you might want to do some study/research in the United States in the next few years, and you’d like to be part of a prestigious scholarship programme, come along,” says Gwenda Pennington at the Scholarships Office.

Dean of FASS, Dr. Daniel Zirker, has twice been awarded Fulbright lectureships and says the programme is an “outstanding opportunity.”

May 12 2008 “I just think they’re wonderful, Fulbright was a Rhodes Scholar and wanted to bring the world into a better sense,” Zirker says of U.S. Senator J. William Fulbright who established the scholarship.

The Fulbright programme was established after World War Two in countries that owed money to the United States for war assets such as fighter planes and machinery.

Past winners include Nobel prize-winning scientist Alan MacDiarmid, MP David Cunliffe, Prime Minister Bill Rowling and late Waikato University history wizard Michael King.

Parts of these debts were relieved in exchange for the countries’ entrance into the Fulbright programme and now exist in 150 countries.

The Fulbright scheme was established in 1948 to promote international understanding and is aimed at New Zealanders and Americans that wish to study in each other’s countries.

“It was a very realistic idea as only one country fully repaid its war time debt…It was Finland,” explains Zirker.

If you’d like to know more about scholarships in general, the Scholarships Office staff would love to help. Check their web-site www. waikato.ac.nz/scholarships.

Student loan, one careful owner, selling for financial reasons $39, 850 Buy Now

By Ben Thomson

A former Otago University student has highlighted the difficulties of paying off a student loan by attempting to auction it off on Trade Me. Management at Trade Me sympathised with her cause, but pulled the auction last week because it violated the internet auction site’s terms and conditions The student, who has been using the pseudonym Kaiser Mort, wanted to sell her $39 850 loan as a “reverse scholarship;” the idea being that a generous donor would pay off her loan retrospectively – the reverse of a traditional scholarship.

Mort calculated on the IRD’s online calculator that her loan would take twenty years to pay off, based on her current salary, and realised she didn’t want to be middle-aged before starting to look for a house.

And, why not? “I saw that you could buy a defibrillator on eBay and I thought ‘Wow, you really can sell anything online,’” Mort says. “Furthermore, I’m a big fan of crossdisciplinary experimentation so I was curious what would happen if I merged Trade Me and student loan debt.”

Mort spent five years getting her tertiary education - four at Otago doing an Honours

degree in Film and Media, and one year at Victoria University completing a MA in scriptwriting. She got received the living costs loan during most of her study because she was not eligible for a student allowance.

“Both my mother and her partner have been as supportive as they can be but there is no way they could afford university education and assist with living costs [for six children from two relationships]. The traditional ‘family unit’ is in the process of being radically reconstructed and our laws don’t reflect that.”

“What also gets my goat up is that you can ask for living costs and get them over the phone. You can get into debt over the phone.

But if you want student allowance you have to fill out I don’t know how many forms,” she laments. “It’s like getting blood out of a stone.”

Mort says that she probably could have received a scholarship, but what she studies is not regarded highly in academia.

“Furthermore, [it] sounds ridiculous, but I didn’t have the self confidence at the time to apply for one,” she says. “I always though ‘There’d be someone better’. But every student deserves to be invested in.”

Trade Me’s Head of Business Mike O’Donnell says users cannot sell intangible services on Trade Me. “Our compliance team had to pull the auction because it violated our Terms and Conditions,” he says.

“Cool idea though. And if was trying to cope with the staggering costs of getting a tertiary education these days, I’d probably try it too.”

Needless to say, Mort is less than impressed.

“What irritates me is that they pulled it the day before it was due to close. If they were going to pull it I wish they had pulled it at the beginning - I had so many watchers, who knows what might have happened,” she says (no bids had been placed by the time the listing was pulled from the site).

“By the way, one definition of tangible is ‘real, treated as fact’ - when did student loans become not real? I think we should get the IRD in on that one if that’s the case—don’t worry everyone, they don’t really exist,” she says.

She hasn’t given up, though. Mort says she has an idea to pay off other people’s loans, as well as her own. “But I can’t show all my cards at once, can I?”

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News issue 08

Fair Trade Fortnight, a campaign to create awareness of global trade issues features, this year focuses on environmental issues and runs May 3 to 18.

on our planet. This fortnight, Trade Aid challenges New Zealanders to go a step further and make a real difference,” Michelia Ward, spokesperson for Trade Aid.

A screening of the documentary “Black Gold” on Wednesday last week at Victoria Cinemas saw Hamilton East MP David Bennett attend the preamble to chat amongst the crowd – and take off before the documentary aired.

The annual event featured drummers outside the Trade Aid shop in central Hamilton, documentaries, art exhibitions and is still to hold a coffee evening at Laroma Cafe and Roastery on May 14.

“The global environmental movement is challenging us all to think about our impact

Art exhibitions in the Hamilton Trade Aid store are held through out the two week period and

Nandor Tanczos gave a lecture on the Waikato University campus last Wednesday, drawing a crowd of approximately 50 people. Anyone who has dreads and/or a tea cosy hat was there.

The lecture provided some thought provoking content and some sobering facts on climate change.

The lecture entitled “At the Tipping Point: Thinking Beyond Sustainability” covered a range of environmental and political ideas including oil consumption, Western consumerism, depletion of mineral resources and sustainable development.

Vault

One fine young scholar commented that the developed world should “crash and burn” because of the way they had treated the third world.

The crowd wisely did not make any sudden movements until they were sure he was not carrying a weapon.

right through to June 5 to meet with World Environmental Day. Trade Aid says the reason for focussing on environmental issues is due to producer partners already being affected by the change in climate - and also that this campaign’s focus comes on the shoulders of The UN Development Programme warning that climate change would hit the world’s poorest countries.

At one point he stated that half of New Zealand’s greenhouse gas emissions are produced by the livestock industry and therefore a vegan driving an SUV was more environmentally friendly than a meat eater on a bicycle.

Nexus assumes that he took the personal methane emissions of vegans and meat eaters into account.

Nandor Tanczos is a Green party MP and the Green party’s environmental spokesperson.

Khan was expelled from the halls for having an “overnight male visitor” in her room. This has sparked anger from students towards the Warden, Graham Lamont.

Student residents felt they were being treated unjustly by being forced to sign a code of moral behaviour just to be eligible to enter the halls.

There has been ‘considerable dissatisfaction’ from residents and fellow students. Together they have been arguing that because of the high rental price of $15.50 per week, they should be allowed more personal freedom in their rooms.

“This illustrates the hopelessness of the elderly people to impose their morality and sexual codes of behaviour, onto today’s uni students,” said one student.

By Grant Burns Vault is a new news column where we trawl through the dusty Nexus archives to find just how much mental shit has gone down here in the past, revisiting old news stories. This week: Female student expelled from halls for having “an overnight male visitor!” Shock! Horror!

Next week: Who knows! Stay tuned!

28th April 1971, Vol. 4, N.o.2

1st year Social Science student, Shane Tarn said “a room is a person’s kingdom while they’re here”.

Ethical controversy has erupted in the newly opened, $500,000 Bryant Halls because of the expulsion of 1st year student, Rahman Khan.

Other student commented that, “[Mr Lamont is] a little dictator, a Hitler.” Mr Lamont refused to comment.

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“The rule is stupid, just like the main doors being locked at midnight,” Rahman Khan said, adding that she would fight to get back into the halls and carry on with her study.

The incident has sparked residents and students into protesting for their rights and personal freedoms. They are striving to have this rule abolished immediately.

May 12 2008

Last week 13 burglaries have occurred in the Hamilton East, their locations are indicated on the above map.

Though this is down a little than the previously week, far too many burglaries are occurring from people leaving their doors and windows unlocked or even open.

During my duties I visit several houses to talk to the victims about their break in. I’m astonished how many houses are still left unlocked while the students have gone to University leaving the house wide open to be broken into yet again.

Are we not learning that offenders will keep coming back to your home, to take your new replaced Laptop, Playstation, PSP or Plasma TV. We need to learn from this, because it affects everyone.

New Zealand bars in world’s top 100 NZ bars make top hundred list One thing we’re good at: Getting on piss Mother is role model in son’s choice of wife: study Study suggests choice Of wife is like living with Your mother, for life Olympic flame reaches peak of Mt Everest Olympic flame carried By climbers bold, to summit Protestors: Cold.

Security Advise: Please lock your windows and doors even if you’re going out for a short time. Don’t trust anyone.

Information on how to protect your home is available from the East Hamilton Community Policing Centre on Clyde St. If you have any information that might help Police with these burglaries please call the University Constable, Nick Sickelmore on Nicholas.

Sickelmore@police.govt.nz

Website defends naming Kiwis as climate change sceptics Sceptics get desperate As the world wises up To their constant bullshit

Clinton fights on as focus turns to superdelegates That evil witch Clinton Fights on – living proof Of a deal with Satan

Man who hid cannabis in daughter’s undies jailed (True story and possible Best Headline Ever candidate) “Policeman! Dad hid Some plants in my undies!

It feels…kind of funny!”

GTA IV a videogame nasty? Half a billion dollars says no one cares.

Conservatives found: It’s not just bigotry that makes the world go ‘round.

ISSUE 07

13

With Fergus Hodgson

The Politicization of Terrorism in New Zealand The Terrorism Suppression Act (TSA), brought into law back in 2002, gained notoriety late in 2007 when “anti-terror” raids, netting seventeen suspects, created a public outcry regarding civil liberties and the power of the police. The terrorism charges were subsequently dropped due to legislative inadequacies, but amendments have been enacted so that when similar police action occurs again, the punishment will stand. With inevitable conflict on the horizon, we do well to come to grips with terrorism as a newly-created and often ill-defined crime, particularly when counter-terrorism legislation may enable questionable methods of surveillance and dubious grounds for prosecution.

So who are these terrorists? We do well to know because merely providing financial assistance to a terrorist organisation brings imprisonment of up to 14 years saddled with a $250,000 fine. The legislation itself defines terrorist activity so broadly that its wording is virtually irrelevant; but what is relevant is who decides which organisations and people are given terrorist status. Somewhat surprisingly, the United Nations compiles our list for us—the TSA was enacted over “international legal obligations…to UN Security Council resolutions” and not constituent concerns—but we dutifully obey and carry the burden of enforcement. (The terrorism list is publicly available online.) In addition to the UN, the prime minister may add organisations and individuals she deems fitting, reviewing them every three years.

(Prior to the amendments, the list was reviewed by the High Court, but such a check on the prime minister no longer exists.)

While a list of terrorists and terrorist organisations may be necessary to avoid ambiguity, and terrorism is by its nature difficult to define, the listing process does create criminals of people and organisations without any trial, and power over this list of untried criminals has been centralised away from New Zealand’s House of Representatives to the United Nations and our prime minister. Why no approval of the list is required by parliament is unclear, but we should be aware that by signing the TSA and its amendments, our elected representatives relinquished their power to decide what organisations are or are not charged for terrorist activity in New Zealand.

So we have a list of those who fit the terrorist bill, but how is terrorist violence different from any other violence, so much so as to necessitate new legislation in addition to the Crimes and Firearms Acts? The difference is not so much in the nature of the outcomes, except perhaps in their severity; rather, it is in the approaches that officials want to 14

ISSUE 07 08

take to monitoring and prosecution—approaches that would normally face public disapproval, but may garner justification with the threat of terrorism.

The TSA has enabled law officials, notably the Security Intelligence Service overseen by Helen Clark, to gain a warrant to “intercept communications,” i.e. read your email and tap your phones on the basis of a suspicion of terrorist activity or an association with one of the alleged groups. Then, without having committed any terrorist act, the police can conduct searches, arrests, and prosecutions against the planning of terrorism or the financing of a terrorist organisation. Under this light, the $8 million investigation and “anti-terror” raids of late 2007 were no anomaly, but an inevitable consequence of the legislation.

Since the legislation was enacted in order to comply with UN resolutions, as opposed to concerns from the electorate, one is inclined to ask who benefits from this arrangement, and why are we handing over our decision-making to the UN? As far as public statements go, we are told that we all benefit from a safer and more internationally coordinated world. However, if we were so afraid of terrorists, wouldn’t we have called for measures regardless of the UN, and wouldn’t our own elected representatives have sought a say in the terrorist groups that put us in such danger? The TSA may make us safer, although that is difficult to gauge, but it definitely concentrates and expands the power of our prime minister’s office and the even less-accountable bureaucracy of the UN. Hence, they are the most obvious ones to gain from the legislation.

Even if we agree that the sacrifices brought on by the TSA are regrettable—the subjective and untried defining of terrorists and terrorist organisations, the loss of personal privacy and national sovereignty, and the likelihood of unjustified punishment— whether we consider these outcomes to be regrettable necessities or unwarranted oppression will hinge upon our belief as to whether the TSA is successfully bringing wrong-doers to justice and warding off the threat of terrorism; and if yes, the question remains, is the benefit worth the cost?

Fergus Hodgson has a B.A. in economics from Boston University. He currently studies political science and tutors macroeconomics here at the University of Waikato. Feedback is welcome at flh2@students.waikato. ac.nz.

Txts to the Editor!

Nexus now has a semi-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. They can be about anything – but if it’s something in the magazine, so much the better. We’ll print the best ones, so get texting! Texts should include a name to attribute them to.

There’s a prize for text of the week as well. This week we’ll give you... something nice. Hey, why not. Who wants the new Portishead CD? That’s the prize!

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a

Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Busted-type situations to 021 235 8436.

Do it.

serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

Stereotypes: correct?

Walk out of Gate 1 last Friday and think, “What are those skid marks doing on the grass; And why is there a massive hole in the vege garden?” I don’t know if you have been informed of what happened there, so I feel it’s my duty to inform you of this exciting incident I was privileged to bear witness to.

At about 10:50am on Friday the 2nd of May, I had just turned the corner into Gate 1 when I saw a Subaru WRX appear from behind the Bryant Hall cottages. My first thought was, “Man, that thing is moving”: It easily would have clocked over 70km/h. The driver couldn’t be seen behind the tinted windshield, but I can imagine he was now leaning out the window with the steering wheel (metaphorically speaking), for the tyres squealed in pain as they

burned on the wet road. My second thought was, “Heh, nice drift”. Unfortunately, this driver was not Possum Bourne as he suffered relentless oversteer. He was spinning out. In an attempt to avoid the median strip, the steering wheel found itself rotated 180 degrees. It was too late though, as the right side tyres jumped over some rocks and sent the car towards the curb. My third thought was, “Oops, fucked that up”. Rather majestically the car leapt onto the footpath, careened through the wire fence that accommodates the “Washing Machines and Dryers for Rent” sign, and came to rest in the vegetable garden. Two metres further up the path it would have been through the wooden fence and into someone’s house.

At this point the driver obviously thought that he needed to disappear; quickly. The light bulb flashed above his head, and he proceeded to slam the gear into reverse and plant his right foot. Needless to say the dirt from the vegetable patch was... loosened. With impeccable timing the university groundsmen emerged from the Bryant Hall carpark, yelling, “STOP! GET OUT OF THE CAR!” As I walked past the hole in the fence I caught a glimpse of the car’s occupants: two Asian teenagers, with the driver kissing a freshly lit cigarette.

Is it a stereotype to conclude this by saying, ‘Too much Initial D?’

I then did what I always do when I see an incident where people could be injured: I carried on walking like nothing happened.

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

PH 07 856 6813

FAX 07 856 2255

ADDRESS Gate 5 Hillcrest Road

WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP

EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz ISSUE 07

15

Uni-versally hated? unicyclist is a synonym for douchebag. every now and then a big crew of unicyclists show up during the day to have a jam. fair enough. but theyre such fucking dicks about it.

uh, i dont know if youve noticed this buddy ...but thats a fuckin unicycle. not a harley davidson. stop strutting your stuff like you deserve our lips on your ass, you wannabe peacock motherfuckers. youre not the cool kids, youre a bunch of fucking clowns. literally.

i was watching them today for about 15 minutes before i had to leave out of pure disgust. the audacity of these dudes is mind boggling theyre the ones prancing about on a circus form of transportation during lunch hour on a university campus, and for some outlandishly fucked reason think THEY have the right to the footpaths. i even saw a couple of them evil eye a chick up for ‘being in their way’ when one of them nearly bumped into her after a botched trick. unbelievable.

how many chicks has the average uncyclist ever got just ‘cause hes a unicyclist? i know how many: fuck all. the average janitors probably got more game solely from being a janitor than a unicyclist has ever got. period. the only time a single wheel is ever cool is when its a chain steering wheel attached muscle-car-on-steroids so bad ass people cross the road just to avoid it. you unicyclist fags are just shit on wheels, as far as i can see.

furthermore, they think theyre hot shit because of it, too. theyre

get a real hobby, fucktards.

somehow under the impression that unicycling is the next ‘big’ extreme sport, and that everyone else is nowhere near cool enough to understand. all got their knee and shin pads on, wearing tshirts of their favourite unicycle brands and shit. they roll around in a big crew like the mickey fucking mouse club in a ‘hey, look at us, we’re the da bomb!’ kinda way. (yeah, i’d imagine they actually still say shit like ‘da bomb’ too). i expect this from teenagers, but still pulling this shit after your 21st is straight up pathetic.

-John H. Darkoni

Who needs an eagle?

Cynthia recently ordered a plain black sweatshirt from a mail-order catalogue. When it arrived it had a large eagle embroidered on the front. What can she do?

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 838 4466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB. By the way Cynthia can actually return it and get a refund or replacement sweatshirt, minus the eagle. Goods must match the description or photograph shown in the catalogue. The company must also cover the cost of the return postage.

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Denial is also river in Egypt, mushroom season in full swing

Hey ed why so biased man, why u say i smoked P, i never said anything like you are on the mushies before editing nexus cuz sometimes it does look like you are.. And this aint some made up email, this is what i use everyday i neva heard there was a requirement to send emails from only uni email. Also if i offended some one otha then sally in last weeks letter i apologize it was only meant to offend her..

Peace out Gaylord Focka I’m sorry, Gaylord. From your letter, I concluded you were either a total mental case or on something. I thought I’d give you the benefit of the doubt. I was wrong. I’m sure you managed to offend more people than just Sally Focker with your inane ramblings, although most people probably had the sense to ignore you. There is no requirement to use Uni emails to send letters to Nexus – I’m just sick of people like you hiding behind stupid pseudonyms to send in moronic rants. You’ve got me on the mushrooms, though. They’re close to my favourite food, although I tend to avoid the little purple-ish toadstools that grow in my yard at this time of year – they seem to bring the leprechauns, and they’re dodgy little bastards – Ed.

Fuck you stealing Cunts!!!!

This morning on the way to uni (to those of you reading, this occurred on Mon 5th May) my bag fell off my scooter haha yes I know I should wear a back pack so I can’t loose my bag on the way to uni. Any way I back tracked all the way home to see if I could find it…..I couldn’t see it on the road. When I got home I called my cellphone and an Asian guy answered saying he had handed it into the school of education reception. I was stoked…until I looked in my wallet later on that day and discovered the Fuck Face had taken $160 out of my wallet…as it seems it was his/her fee for finding my bag. I earned this money on Friday night working my ass off doing a catering job in Raglan. This money was to pay mum back for my seasons pass….seeing a as I’m such a poorass I have been saving for the past few weeks and will have to

save for another few fucking months to pay mum back….Seriously pissed!!! I have cursed

grade research for primary school kids. At least you’ve made it that far. Which, to be honest,

taking wind of gossip and biased information from the media. In no age, has anyone been

the person who stole my money haha if the person who stole my money is reading, you are going to pay!!! I hope you get parking and speeding fines coming out of your ears so you have to pay 5 times the amount you stole back to something that pisses you off equally… mohahahaha. But if you have had a change of heart and you don’t want to feel the wrath of my curse please send the money to Rachel Wark, 8 lynwood place, Chartwell, Hamilton.

despite my tone, is actually a lot better than some people can achieve, but still disgusting that you have the gal to imply you are smarter for doing so.

well informed by listening to the first source of information that comes their way as ‘the gospel’.

Peace out Rachel Wark

What in Christ’s name is this?

“You got a big mouth fucker”, That’s what I’m gonna yell at the next one of you insecure, baggy jean-wearing, 2 crate a night drinking, smelly index fingered yobbos.

Then I’ll run like your mothers make-up when she finds her sons erotic-fantasy drawings of small boys.

Since when have white shoes been a melodicpost hardcore genre of music? Perhaps you should lay off the Muscle Gain 2000 and do some study, fool!

Your frequent un-educated remarks from your Mum’s Toyota Corolla are full of shit. You don’t like my white shoes or my tight jeans? That’s fine by me. I’m not exactly partial to your shaved legs, beer slogan tees or distinct smell of sweat and fart, but I don’t yell carpet at you once I have walked past. Carpet you ask? Yes, “emo” has nothing to do with me and unless you wax your legs with carpet or have some kind of self-pleasure ritual with it, “carpet” has no association with you.

So next time when you see someone with more dress sense than yourself, just swallow your pride. It’ll taste better than the familiar bullshit you’re used to.

“You got no taste fucker”.

GCP

Caps lock key unstuck, but the ranting continues

Well hey, It’s great to see some debate going on, and wonderful that miss Sally actually went to the trouble of googling well known international agencies, and using the information on their front page. Well done, you established 1st

But, I digress; I’ve come to ease your fears.

I have first hand information from the Saudi Arabian Ambassador himself (A very wonderful, intelligent, humble man, much like many Saudi women and men, if you just took the time to get to know the people you are judging so harshly), that the sister University in Saudi Arabia, will in fact be a co-ed university!

Shock, horror, I know, but it’s true. And one of the many reasons is, so that Saudi women will be able to learn English from those who speak it as a first language, as many find it hard to leave the country without a male escort. To be honest though, I wonder why the university hasn’t stepped in to further inform us students of this... why am I the only student to know this? It scares me to think that the university so blatantly doesn’t take an interest in the issues that students have. Where are the people that are most informed when we need them?

I understand where miss Sally is coming from, as yes, the Saudi government’s customs and laws do not synch with our own, and yes they can do some pretty ridiculous things like convict a women who was raped, to death.

However, what you seem to have missed, is the uproar it induced in Saudi Arabia, and that it was simply a stupid ruling thanks to some very unfavourable loopholes in the governmental system.

To be honest though hun, this is such a typical thing for almost EVERY country in the world!

For one: just because the Chinese government has a terrible human rights record, doesn’t mean that all chinese themselves are evil capitalistic communists that have no care for other cultures and races! Unfortunately, your research sources are biased; you’re better off watching Fox News for more objective reports than World Vision! The UN shouldn’t be so terrible as World Vision, however, they are after ‘shock’ treatment to make their ‘missions’ look even more amazing, so I’m not surprised at their biased reports on events.

Oh, and Mr Fergus Hodgson, you mentioned that the free-trade deal with china wasn’t so free after all, but made no valid points. Why is this? Sure; human rights, blah, blah we get that, but you seem to have implied that it cost NZ more than it’s worth but... have you LOOKED at the deal yet???! I agree though that it wasn’t as free, but I have other knowledge of what wasn’t so free about it, and economically, it was whole lot more than free for us! It was $15 billion+ more free for us than China!

Thanks, Kyreena Hay

They’re probably involved with the Greens, but not just in a political way…

Is Nexus doing nandoor story?

Nexus replies: By which you mean what? They reply: Good stuff thats happening on campus, a movement of global importance. Green…

This person reckons Gmail is way better than Outlook I reckon gmail is way better than outlook.

Dr T gets another bite Dear dr t I think ur opioin on the allowance for the 25 thing it is unfair if u dnt get 1 due to reasons out of your control

Next time, talk to the people you are judging, get to know their psyche, and talk to them about what is bothering you, rather than

ISSUE 07

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7 More Ways to Get into Hell If there aren’t already enough restrictions over our lives; don’t be late for work, don’t smack your kids, don’t smoke this, don’t do that. For thousands of years man has had two sets of rules on which he bases his righteous life upon; The Ten Commandants and the 7 Deadly Sins.

We’re all subconsciously aware of them: sloth, envy, gluttony, greed, lust, wrath and pride.

But just recently the Vatican and the Catholic Christian Church have put forward another 7 Deadly Sins, bringing the total to 14, to make Heaven just that bit more exclusive to join.

The new ones, which are made for the ‘modern’ world, are,: genetic modification, carrying out experiments on humans, polluting the environment, causing social injustice, causing poverty, becoming obscenely wealthy and taking drugs. To me these new ‘modern’ sins seem a little too vague. Taking drugs can mean anything from smoking a cigarette,

illustraion by: Rowan (4XL@Live.com) 18

ISSUE 07

to drinking wine at a sermon, or dropping a party pill or even having a cup of coffee in the morning, which of course contains the drug caffeine in it. Although this seems a bit farfetched, they don’t state the word ‘drugs’ explicitly enough, but leave it open to personal interpretation. If it had said ‘don’t take illegal drugs’ it may have cleared it up a bit and made it easier to understand, but to no avail.

I’m sure the majority of us would be guilty of littering or ‘polluting’ at least once in our lives.

But is dropping your chip packet on the ground because you can’t find a bin within miles, enough for an eternal lifetime of damnation in the fiery inferno pits of Hell? These new 7 Deadly Sins are too vague and are too open for a range of absurd possibilities which also includes contradiction. There is no specific limit of what classes you ‘obscenely wealthy’ either. Because open to interpretation, isn’t

the Vatican and Catholic Christian Church ‘obscenely wealthy’? The majority of us who might win Lotto or Big Wednesday would probably praise God or a high deity for the good luck and blessings of however many millions of dollars, but sadly now being obscenely wealthy is a sin.

To some people these will just be another set of rules that they don’t adhere to and will carry on living out their daily lives as usual. For others, this may change the way they now look upon certain things and have a great impact on their lives. The 14 Deadly Sins might be hard to adjust to at first, for some, but just think, the next time you go to have an afternoon wake up call or a fresh cuppa, ponder to yourself, do you really want to spend the rest of eternity down below?

XXXL A Moment in the Lunar - Rover household

a nd E

Abdi is a man with a knitted vest, a small goatee beard and a wide smile. He works at the Ministry of Education and has strong, rounded features. He attends to small business at the front desk before he shows us to an office for a chat. He has an accent that to me sounds slightly African, but to other Somali people he probably sounds like a New Zealander. He talks about having a family with a large smile and makes sure he switches gaze between the two of us as we ask him questions, which makes me feel like I’m having a conversation with a new friend rather than conducting an interview. Abdi is a refugee.

As New Zealanders, many of us find it near-impossible to comprehend the refugee experience. It is difficult to imagine being forced to flee your home carrying few, if any, possessions, possibly leaving family members behind and knowing that there is a good chance that you will never be able to return home.

Yet this is a reality for 32.9 million people worldwide. Less than 0.5% of these people will be offered the chance to resettle in a new country like New Zealand, and around 70 to 85 of these millions each year find homes in Hamilton.

The United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) defines a refugee as “A person who, owing to a well founded fear of persecution for reasons of race, religion, nationality, membership of a particular social group or political opinion is outside of his or her country of origin and is unable or, owing to

such fear, is unwilling to avail himself or herself of the protection of that country.”

There is no time for a refugee to pack possessions or take personal documentation, families are often split. There is little chance that refugees will ever be able to return home.

Refugees and Migrants Migrants choose to leave their homeland and settle in a country of their choice.

Refugees do not choose to leave their homeland. They flee in response to a crisis

m m

w et aS

e

For Abdi, that crisis was civil war. For New Zealanders a civil war is something we only read about in a Michael King book or watch on TV. The situation in Mogadishu saw nine-yearolds take up arms as well as UN and United States forces abandoning their efforts for peace and withdrawing.

Migrants usually emigrate with their families. Refugees often leave family members behind.

Abdi escaped to Kenya where he became a refugee, escaping the violence in his home land and losing his national identity. Now a family man with children and a wife, Abdi left Somalia with no one. “I was on my own the whole time. That is what happens when you are involved in a civil war,” he says.

Some refugees that arrive in Hamilton have spent a large amount of time in a situation without a home or family. Some refugees do manage to hold onto family and friends but, often wait as long as thirteen years to find a home.

Migrants, due to their better levels of health, education and economic independence, are less likely to encounter negative attitudes in

ISSUE 08

19

their resettlement country. Refugees may experience stigma and prejudice in their resettlement country in relation cultural differences, disease prevalence, low education levels and perceived burdening of the welfare system.

“There have been some instances where people have yelled things out of passing cars like ‘go home to your own country’” said Rachel O’ Connor, who is coordinator of Refugee and Migrant Services (RMS) Hamilton.

RMS is a Non Government Organization that aids the transition of refugees into New Zealand by providing support in areas of housing, integration, language and any other areas of assistance.

The public perception of refugees is often that they are a burden and that they have nothing to offer New Zealand, or for that matter, Hamilton society. This can cause integration problems, especially when language barriers are concerned. Language can be the biggest obstacles for refugees because of the stereotypes and stigmas that are attached to this. Refugees who have studied previously in their country of origin often have to start at the very basic level of coping with a new language.

“Most people when they get here and they talk about their goals and aims the first thing is to learn English, you know just trying to make a good start and trying to get a hold of the language,” says O’Connor.

Language barriers have been noted as a cause for the

20

ISSUE 08

isolation of some refugees. If English is not picked up quickly enough then the receiving community’s attitudes can cause withdrawal and even see members of a refugee community to feel isolated from members who have integrated more.

Refugees and Education When refugees first arrive in New Zealand they have a mandatory period of a year of resettlement. Within this time they take full time English for Speakers of Other Languages (ESOL) classes. Recent Ministry of Education statistics say that there are currently 1672 refugee student studying ESOL courses.

It is hoped that through the language education that employment can be found at the end of the year-long period. The Department of Labour aims statement suggests “All migrants, refugees and their families should be able to obtain employment appropriate to their qualifications and skills,” Khadra Mohamed hopes to find employment in field relevant to the Bachelor of Social Sciences that she is currently studying at the University of Waikato. At 26 years of age, she is a first year student.

She also escaped the violence of Somalia as a teenager, although her jingling earrings and colourful clothing do nothing to show the horrors of civil war. From Somalia she escaped to Kenya with her family, and then to Uganda before finally being allowed entrance to New Zealand.

“I want to improve the life of the [refugee] community,” she says, when asked what she wants to do with her degree once she has finished studying.

The thirst for knowledge is something that runs deep with refugees. Some refugees

hope to pick up education straight away but often language barriers can impede this. Rachel O’Connor described the story of one young man who has just arrived in Hamilton. He was studying at University before he came to New Zealand and even though he’d love to continue studying he’s now got to start with the basics of a brand new language. “I think that’s a huge obstacle” she says, sighing. .

Abdi faced the same problem when he enrolled at Waikato University very shortly after he first arrived in New Zealand. His previous knowledge of English was limited, getting into a course of study while still adjusting to a new country was a struggle. However, he did go on to finish his degree, as well as a Masters, and has recently published a book about Hamilton refugees in tertiary education.

There have been plenty of refugees like Abdi and Khadra who have defied the obstacles to go on to do University degrees. Currently there are 47 refugee students studying tertiary education at either Waikato University or Wintec. This is to accompany the 24 refugees who have graduated these institutions, including two with Doctorates.

Refugees often arrive in Hamilton with little or no possessions. With only others to lean on and very little in the way of a finances, the stigma can sometimes be attached that these people are worthless, a drain and have nothing to contribute. Abdi agrees that stereotyping does exist, but refugees are often consumed by a desire to succeed in their adoptive society.

“Even though we come with nothing in the way of material things, we come with our spirit, our anticipation for the future, and that drive is very strong in many of the refugees,” he says.

The Road to Resettlement The United Nations High Comissioiner for Refugees was established in 1950 to assist with the refugees of World War II. The original mandate was limited to three years, but the problem of refugees and displaced people continued to grow and the UNHCR became a permanent organisation.

UNHCR is currently concerned with 32.9 million people around the globe who are refugees, stateless people, internally displaced people or asylum seekers. An asylum seeker is someone who has not (yet) been granted refugee status. They seek asylum in a country where they have no legal protection and can be subject to exploitation, imprisonment or deportation. Internally displaced people are those who have fled but are still within their home country and are therefore not protected by international law. Stateless people are those that have no citizenship or nationality to any country, this may be because the state that the nation state to which they previously had citizenship no longer exists.

How the process of resettlement works: A person flees their home country in response to crisis. Once they have crossed the border into a neighbouring country they can register with the UNHCR. They are now under the protection of international law. The UNHCR will determine their status and the likelihood of them being able to return home in the foreseeable future.

Refugees are selected to resettle in New Zealand off a list of 7000 cases presented to the immigration department by UNHCR. Refugees arrive in groups to New Zealand over the year so that resources are not swamped.

The immigration department covers their fares to New Zealand. Their first six weeks in New Zealand is spend in

an orientation camp in Mangere, Auckland where health checks are conducted, English language classes begin and they learn about New Zealand culture and ways of life. Cities where refugees are resettled in are Auckland, Hamilton, Wellington, Palmerston North, Nelson, Lower Hutt and Christchurch. These

is minimal for a number of refugees around the world. Rachel O’Connor admits that the situation facing a lot of the world’s refugees is grim.“The numbers of those coming is around 0.5 percent, out of potentially twenty million people, who get the option to resettle.”

Many of the refugees resettling in Hamilton

are the cities that RMS operates in and therefore can provide the necessary resources required for resettlement.

are children. In fact 80 percent the Somali community in Hamilton are under the age of 29 and 50 percent under the age of 16.

On arrival in Hamilton the group is met by RMS representatives and volunteer support workers.

They are welcomed and taken to homes that have been set up for them by RMS volunteers.

From this point they are resettled in to the community with the assistance of RMS staff and volunteers. The children are enrolled in local schools and the adults participate in full time English classes for one year before they are encouraged to seek employment.

Abdi didn’t want to participate in the war and had to leave the country for Kenya, where a lot Somalis, a quarter of a million in fact, had gone. Most went to refugee camps in Kenya. If you are a refugee you need to be in a refugee camp where UNHCR will register you as a refugee, a person seeking protection. Then, the UNHCR will make a case for you at the consulate for New Zealand and they will take in the number of refugees that they can. “I was lucky enough to be among those who were selected by New Zealand in 1993 for their quota programme.

It was great to get chosen and taken away from the horrible civil war,” Abdi says, looking straight at me the entire time. He avoids mentioning the specific horrors of the war, but it’s obvious they’re not far from his mind.

The distance between being a refugee and arriving in Hamilton is not simply defined by flying time or even the selection process. The journey of a refugee is often categorized in years.

In Kandra’s case it was nine years. Nine years out of the life of a 26 year old. She was forced to flee Somalia at the age of 9 or 10 and then spent seven years in Kenya. Seven years in a refugee camp without a nationality, home or idea what the future held. If you consider what most of us were doing at the age of nine it generally involved bringing home primary school art and Saturday morning sports. Not a blue tarpaulin, Red Cross doctors and UN workers.

Not all refugees in Hamilton are brought over on the UNHCR quota programme, which is an allocated specific number of refugees to be relocated annually. Up to 300 hundred arrive each

The process for refugees is often long and arduous. With only 16 countries of 135 taking their promised number of UNHCR quota refugees (New Zealand is one of these,) hope

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year through the Refugee Family Support Category. This is for refugees to be reunited with their immediate family. Khandra made her path to New Zealand through this means, sponsored by her cousin to settle in New Zealand as a refugee after nine years spent as a stateless person in Kenya and Uganda.

Some of the tales refugees tell are nothing short of miraculous. Amazing stories, like the solo mother with twelve children who was reunited with her husband in Hamilton after years apart, are commonplace.

Living in Hamilton What was your first impression of Hamilton when you moved here? Was it one of anxiety, or elation from living on your own for the first time? Refugee’s opinions of Hamilton are varied upon arrival. Mostly the culture shock is the biggest factor, but for Abdi, it was the weather.

“It was cold,” he says, grinning. “I come from a very hot country, and it was not a good introduction.”

Housing for refugees in New Zealand is initially provided by Housing New Zealand. Housing set up and cleaning is aided by staff at RMS and refugees are placed in areas that have this support network. This can make working for RMS a varying and interesting role.

“Some days it can be carrying a couch into a house and cleaning the house out before things go in, and other days it’s working with local Government agencies and trying to advocate on behalf of refugee communities,” says O’Connor.

If refugees want to move then they will lose their housing, and the settlement of 22

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refugees where community groups are already established means that for many, Hamilton is their permanent home.

This is not always the case, especially in the case of a group of Kurdish refugees in the 1990s. Some were settled in Hamilton whilst the majority were placed in Auckland. Slowly but surely the Hamilton Kurds shifted to Auckland because the community support here was not strong enough to keep them.

Most reports back from refugees is that Hamilton is a great place to live. Recent groups of Columbian refugees have found Hamilton and New Zealand – in general – very quiet. The most noticeable difference in culture for them was that people and families do not spend a lot of time out the front of their properties.

They were especially disappointed at Christmas when most Hamiltonians took off to the beach when they were expecting large street parties and carnivals.

Often ethic groups will form very close communities together in Hamilton. Abdi says that the Somali community in Hamilton is very close knit and there are a number of groups that have formed to ease new refugees into the Hamilton area. Ties between the community groups are so close that when we went to interview Abdi he knew the we were going to interview Khadra in a couple of days.

This grouping is inevitable, says O’Connor, and the Somali community in Hamilton is very large due to hefty resettlements during the 1990s.

Groups like the Somali Friendship Society aid new arrivals into Hamilton and also help them reach out further into the community.

Despite all efforts by RMS and community groups to make the transition as easy as possible for refugees and to expand knowledge and understanding in the Hamilton area, there are cases of prejudice and racism in Hamilton. This is, apparently, mostly amongst and directed at children. Both Abdi and Khadra say they have not faced any form of violence but have encountered “mostly ignorance.” in Hamilton.

Ethnic Liaison Officer Pere Paea admits that Hamilton is not immune to hate crime, and that these can often be influenced by world events. The most publicised of these being the spray painting of “RIP London” and other racial slurs being spray painted around Hamilton at the same time as the London terrorist bombings in 2005.

Refugees arrive in Hamilton with nothing but dreams and hope for the future. Sometimes alone, sometimes with family. Language barriers, culture change and attitudes may be impediments to settlement in their new home and it is not a matter of choice for refugees to come to Hamilton. But, with the spirit and forward thinking that Abdi says refugees are rich in, despite their material poverty, they have shown they are willing to look to the future.

The escape from persecution, conflict and the threat of imminent danger has led them to this city we also call home. There is always talk of giving back. Abdi spent time working for RMS to aid others in a situation reflective of his, Khadra wants to learn to help the community around her and is prevalent in community groups. Whenever Rachel O’Connor speaks to refugees at RMS about new issues that need to be approached, of more that she could be doing, the reply is often that she has done enough. She has already given them life.

Volunteering and my Experience

By Emma Swete

For each intake of refugees that RMS Hamilton receives they require volunteer support workers to assist the refugees with their resettlement.

Volunteers will attend a seven session training program to help them understand the needs of the people that they will be assisting and difficulties of resettling in an unfamiliar country. Volunteers who complete the training program and a six month settlement placement receive a NZQA certificate in refugee resettlement. The program educates volunteers about the refugee experience, resettlement teams and the role of volunteers, refugee health and wellbeing, education and training, refugee culture and how to access appropriate services.

I’m not entirely sure what first made me want to become an RMS volunteer support worker, I have always enjoyed learning about different cultures and ways of life and I am often accused of being on a mission to save the world, so the chance to help people while learning about their culture was a deciding factor.

Me and 3 other volunteers formed a group and we were allocated a family that we would assist. Our family is from Columbia and consists of a mother, grandmother, a young daughter and an adolescent son. With the support of RMS we were responsible for setting up their house with donated furniture and connecting the phone and electricity, along with providing ongoing assistance and support.

My role as a volunteer support worker is to provide assistance to my family and help the resettlement process to go as smoothly as possible.

Refugees coming to New Zealand often have very limited English and a lack of knowledge or understanding of New Zealand society and culture.

Their situation as new comers who are unfamiliar with how things work in New Zealand means that they can require assistance with activities that we would consider to be very straightforward.

Activities that I have assisted my family with are their first grocery shop; preparing for the young daughter to attend the birthday party of a girl from her class, phone calls to the bank, sorting out the power company; joining the local video store and accessing services that they need. The major role of the volunteer support worker is to be a friendly face and provide assistance it is needed. If we are unable to provide the help that is needed, RMS provides the support that is needed.

Both children of the family attend local schools and the two women attend full time English language classes. Their positive attitude and the gratitude that they express always astounds me. They are remarkably independent and their English is improving rapidly. I now tend to play more the role of a friend to the family, visiting most weekends. The family will still face more obstacles in the future, such as challenging racial stereotypes and finding employment, but hopefully with the support networks that they have developed they will be prepared to cope with these challenges.

Learning about the experiences of refugees has made me even more grateful to have been born in to New Zealand. I have become more appreciative of the opportunities and freedoms that we experience in New Zealand. It has also been uplifting to meet other people in the community who are prepared to give their time to help others. It is a very rewarding experience to help refugee families and while I am teaching them about New Zealand culture I am also learning about their culture and am inspired by their resilience and attitudes to life.

Learning about refugee experiences has made me think about many things in my life that I previously saw as entitlements. In an ideal world everyone would be entitled to the same sort of lifestyle that we experience here in New Zealand, however now I realise that things such as safety, freedom, education and material affluence are privileges that many people in the world can only dream of.

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From the Presidency – Calling all International Students!

If you havn’t noticed already, one of the WSU’s biggest and most exciting events is coming up at the end of this week.

that you register at the WSU reception quickly, places are filling up fast.

Registrations close Wednesday 14th May.

The International Students’ Noho Marae is a trip designed especially

And if you are not an international student but still want to come?

for our international students to experience a true taste of kiwi, and in particular Maori, culture. Leaving from the university on Friday afternoon, you will travel to a Marae in Rotorua where you will have the chance to eat traditional food, sleep in the Marae, and participate in cultural workshops which will give you a real hands-on experience of the Maori culture. You will also get to relax at the Polynesian Spas, a world class spa retreat, and visit Te Puia, a Maori cultural and geothermal attraction. Thanks to the WSU, the International Centre, and the Cultural Committee, we have managed to subsidise the trip to only $35! This is less than you would pay just to go to Te Puia by yourself! Make sure

Well you are in luck! We will be fully subsidising 10 domestic student volunteers to help facilitate the trip. So while you will have to do a bit of work, you will also get to have a lot of fun meeting and getting to know international students. Make sure you get to the WSU reception desk quickly though to register your interest, spaces are filling up fast!

Looking forward to seeing you there!

Your President and VP’s, Moira, Olivia, and Ben

Studylink: Consider them warned

By Jeff Hawks

I had the good fortune of a trip to Rotorua last Friday to attend a Regional Student Support Group Meeting with Studylink. Inland Revenue started with all sorts of useful information. The most important of which was keep your address with them up to date, then they know where to send your summary of earnings statement, because if like me you work and get stung 33% tax, odds on you are in for a return of some sort. A lot of the meeting involved us digesting stats, but it is a great

opportunity to bend the ears of some of the Studylink management on behalf of those students who have an issue. Frustration with answer services seemed to be common.

STUDENT JOB SEARCH was identified as a clear winner on the day helping 21000 students earn $47.2 million 4 months to 29th Febraury 2008

Enjoy a real New Zealand cultural experience. Stay for one night at a Marae in Rotorua, enjoying traditional food, workshops, and activities while making new friends and experiencing a taste of Maori culture.

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Looking for a real New Zealand cultural experience?

The Waikato Students’ Union (WSU) invite you to the International Students’ Noho Marae an exciting two day entertainment and learning programme which is designed specifically for international students to give you the best experience possible during your time in Waikato University and New Zealand.

The trip involves one night on a Marae (a traditional Maori meeting place) in Rotorua where you will enjoy learning, eating, and being entertained through workshops designed to give you a truly New Zealand and Maori cultural experience.

Dates: 16th to 17th May 2008 (leave Friday 3pm, return Saturday 5pm).

The University of Waikato and the WSU have subsidised this trip so you will only need to pay $35, which takes care of all travel, food, accommodation and entertainment. For more information, e-mail clubs@wsu.org.nz.

To sign up, come to the WSU reception desk located on the ground floor of the Students’ Union Building with your $35 (Non Refundable) and register your details.

You must register by Wednesday 14th May. We look forward to meeting and getting to know you!

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VP Overview TAURANGA STUDENTS – Pick up your Golden Ticket!

On Tuesday 13th the WSU and Student Services are having an office warming to celebrate our awesome office on the Tauranga campus! We will be giving away delicious hot homemade soup and buns in the courtyard, provided that you go up to the office (room

can take advantage of what we offer, so make sure that you stick around to hear it (it will be more exciting than it sounds, I promise!)

B.0.19) and pick up your golden ticket. I will also be giving a talk about what the WSU is, the services we provide for you as a student and for the Tauranga campus, and how you

have talk with me about any issues, or if you have any questions, feel free to come up to the office or approach me if I am walking around and let me know that you want to set aside

UPCOMING EVENTS

MASH (Male Advocates for Sexual Health)

By Glen Delamere

I will also be around on campus (mainly in my office) for the whole day so if you want to

some time for a chat. You will know it’s me by the stunning black and gold WSU T-shirt I will be wearing. Also, FYI, the “Pimp my Kitchen” competition is coming up so make sure that you keep an eye out for more information about that and start hoarding spare stuff from around your flat or from any other source to help your team win.

Next week the WSU kicks off this event which will see your Men’s Officer speaking during Cultural hour and at the Halls of Residence (Monday nights). The aim is to increase sexual health awareness of all students and to promote safe sex practices on campus with particular emphasis on our male students.

As part of the campaign I went to the Student Health Services for a standard STI test which included a blood test and pissing into a test tube. I’m publishing my results in Nexus (Chlamydia results still to come) and I challenge all males, including the WSU Directors to Man up and get tested (results don’t need to be published).

One scary statistic is that 70% of females that have Chlamydia have no symptoms, which can mean that if you don’t put it on plastic guys you may be getting a bit more than you counted on and that’s not including the danger of becoming a dad. While not a STI, that’s something that is with you for life.

So look out for MASH coming to an area near you during the month of May

Mo’ MASH shiz, yo

By Jo Bissett

May is recognised as M.A.S.H. (Men’s Advocates for Sexual Health) month, so you’ll be seeing WSU guys and girls around campus raising awareness for men’s sexual health.

However ladies, you don’t get off so easily – M.A.S.H. month is an important reminder 26

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that we should go for regular sexual health checks too. Take care of yourselves by making a trip to Student Health or the Family Planning Clinic (if you’re under 22) because very often S.T.I.’s can be asymptomatic. S.T.I.’s can be very damaging to your body without even showing

symptoms, making it all the more important to get checked out. Let’s all make the effort in May to protect ourselves and others.

WHAT WSU CAN DO FOR YOU

By Rachel Wark Hey pepz this article is a reminder of what the WSU offers its students. Advocacy i.e. academic issues, tenancy problems,

you are looking for a job- Student Job Search provides a free service to students, allowing you the opportunity to secure employment

employment issues, consumer issues and financial matters; Representation, we represent the students best interests, for example at the January conference we rallied to parliament on the issue of student benefits or lack of student benefits. We pushed for an increase in student allowances and living benefits.

These issues are being looked at for next years budget, fingers crossed; Scholarships, we provide various scholarships, including the WSU scholarship for cultural contribution and the John Houston Scholarship for academic/ cultural contribution. Scholarship applications are available at the scholarships office and can also be downloaded from the scholarships webpage; Hardship Assistance, the WSU holds a small fund to provide financial assistance to students whose continued attendance at University is threatened by unusual or severe financial hardship. Contact the WSU on 07 856 9139 or email advocacy@wsu.org.nz for further information; Student job search, if

in a variety of industries. You can search for jobs online at www.sjs.co.nz; Events, WSU brings you a number of great events such as O’week, dodgeball, pool party as well as up and coming events such as Noho Marae, Mash, No diet day fashion show and Scooter war.

Keep an eye and ear out for these events and get yourself involved to make your time at uni more exciting as well as increase the uni spirit.

Also if any of our members (that’s all students) have any good ideas that you think WSU should be doing please email me at rmw22@ students.waikato.ac.nz; I will bring these ideas to attention in our weekly meetings and do my best to make them a reality.

P.s When I’m bored in lectures I really like to draw stickmen. Here are some of the following that I thought are fucking hilarious when drawn at a time when a silent laugh is the only way to exert your happiness:

Event Recap: $10 Billion Dollar Day

By Whetu Taukamo

Three weeks ago the WSU was part of a national student campaign called “$10 Billion dollar day.” This campaign aimed to raise awareness concerning the exponential escalation of student debt. Hopefully you are aware that the New Zealand Union of Students Association (NZUSA, of which all Waikato university students are members of) central message to those who intend to govern this great and good country this year is ‘a living allowance for all.’

How does having a living allowance for all relate to student debt some may invariably ask? Let me explain. If you currently receive a student allowance it is: (1) your parents combined income is under a certain threshold; (2) you are married and your combined income is less than a predetermined threshold; (3) over 25yrs old or supported yourself for more than 2 years. Money paid to a student on student allowance is not recoverable; you do

not have repay it. Now, if you fall outside these parameters you can borrow (student loan for living costs) up to $150 a week to help you to live. It is the student loan component for living costs we (WSU & NZUSA) want to become non-recoverable as well, in effect ‘a living allowance for all.’

By eliminating student loan for living cost it lowers the overall student debt i.e. its stops the $10 billion of student debt swelling to a googol.

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Send notices to nexus@waikato.ac.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Try and keep ‘em under 75 words. We will not accept handwritten or non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta. Oh, and we hear that personals ads work terrifyingly well, so give that a go as well – fun for everyone involved.

Car 4 Sale Toyota Camry Prominent 1992 2.5L Auto. Sedan. 232thou km. Ex Condition.

Well maintained and regularly serviced – 4 new tyres and brakes just done. $2500 O.N.O Scott 021 108 3151 or 07 8437215.

1992 Mitsubishi Libero SW Manual 2 litre Deisel 178xxx km reasonable condition $1800 txt 0273351774 email rp57@waikato.ac.nz FoR SALE: 29” TV - works sweet, crt - $100 Double Bed +Base - $70 Modchipped Ps2 Slim- $175 39cc pocket bike - $350 49cc pitbike - $500 adsl2+Modem - $100 (paid 220) gas craft heater - $70 40cmX25X30 Fishtank - $30 pool table - 450 text:0273522564

4 Rooms available in large two story, seven bedroom flat.

Looking for people between 18-25, preferably students or just interesting people. But are willing to take anyone who can impress us.

2 bathrooms, 2 Showers (with gas heating.. ie NO COLD WATER YAY!).

Gas cooking. Makes power bill low.

Plenty of parking. Huge deck.

Equal walking distance to the University and New World.

2 rooms are big enough for couples.

Other two are great singles.

Large backyard, fruit trees so you never go hungry.

We have a trampoline!

Allow smokers but only outside... as in smoking outside... your allowed to stay inside the house, you know what I mean.

3 washing lines.

Photos up soon...

Interested? Of course you are...

Call or text Jason on 0274224327 You can also call 078562634 Three social female students looking for an easy-going flatmate. Tidy, comfy, modernish flat. 10 min walk to Uni. Rent $96 + exp.

Wireless Broadband. Contact: 0273131389 Flat mate wanted Nice tidy house in dinsdale.

Fun friendly outgoing person wanted 140 per week. includes everything but toll calls smokers ok. there is 4 of us. some go to uni and tech.

Not that far from uni. Only about 10-15 min drive. can car pull. txt or phone 0273047786 or 8476924

Need help typing your assignments, I will type what you write. I do not proof read or check for grammatical errors, but will type your assignments as they are written and your writing must be legible. $7.00 per typed page neg. Text 021 205 3289

Freeloader.co.nz Where Students Buy and Sell No listing fees, success fees or registration charges, its FREE. Perfect for finding flatmates and buying and selling text books. www.freeloader.co.nz

All management students now have there own bebo page! pick up hot chicks off it and share tutorial answers! just go to http://www.bebo.com/BMSRepresenT and join the revolution!

Ultimate Frisbee! Come play! On the uni fields opposite the library every Mon and Thurs at 5.30pm. Beginners to pros… come one, come all!

Where are all the Askew people at? Come join us Wed 1-2 at the QueerSpace in the Cowshed, next to the Student Union building.

We’re a friendly bunch and would love to see some new faces! :) “OPEN AUDITIONS - CATS Wanted Singers, Actors and Dancers Hamilton Operatic Society is holding open auditions for their upcoming production of the Andrew Lloyd Webbers - CATS. Auditions are 17th & 18th May 2008. For more audition information see www.hamiltonoperatic.co.nz or call Kathie on 07 839 3082 for an audition time.”

“Reminder: The Golden Key International Honour Society is holding their annual new member induction ceremony this Tuesday 13th May; registration from 5pm. The ceremony will now be held at the Academy of Performing Arts (not PWC as stated in the invitation).

Contact chapter president Chloe Boerema if you have any queries at: waikato.golden.key@ gmail.com” MISSING White & Ginger male cat, 2 yrs old, desexed, has rip in ear. Cash reward, ph 0277474005 or 078568285 or email smkj1@waikato.ac.nz, any help appreciated.

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LECTERN From McWorld to Manga World

By Alistair Swale It’s probably just a cheap shot to disparage the United States’ contribution to human history by evoking McDonalds, - arguably the epitome of mass-production, mass-consumption and mass-marketing.

But it gets to the heart of something that is central to the United State’s position in world affairs and the likely perception of its legacy.

It’s not just McDonalds. Take the rest, - Coca Cola, Rock’nRoll, Hollywood, Basketball, Starbucks, T-shirts, jeans, Disneyland, - they remain key indicators of America’s profound impact on the world’s popular culture. But they are often mundane phenomena when prodded for intrinsic significance. What is McDonalds? A place where (usually) you get some meat and condiments between two bits of bread.

What is Coca Cola? A drink that’s carbonated, coloured, and contains varying degrees of sugar. What is a T-shirt? About the most minimal item of upper body clothing conceivable.

Of course, the same thing can’t necessarily be said for Hollywood, Disneyland, or Rock’n’Roll. They do signify something more than eating, drinking or wearing something, - they say something about a way of life.

So it’s particularly significant that while the Big Mac, Coca Cola and T-shirts reign supreme in almost any relatively affluent society (including Japan and China), the emergence of Manga and Anime as a major player in the mainstream popular culture of the “first world” reveals a globally potent source of competition for these formerly dominant powerhouses of popular culture.

What possibilities does the Manga World present to us? There’s an alternative rationale, aesthetic, and morality at work, - but it seems most people find it attractive without fully knowing why themselves. It pops up in unexpected places. The “Emo” culture arguably owes a great part of its inspiration from the Manga aesthetic. The way that Quentin Tarantino crafted films such as Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill, along with the emergence of big screen adaptations of the “graphic novels” of Frank Miller, tell us that our way of visualizing is being transformed.

So where will it take us? The major consumerist icons and brands of the United States may well hang around for decades to come (or they may even vanish with surprising rapidity), but Hollywood, Disneyland and Rock’n’roll will never be the same. The days of two-dimensional ‘good guys vs bad guys’ films are giving way to popular movies that present more morally ambiguous ‘heroes’. Cutesy talking animals are giving way to cutesy girls carrying guns and robbing banks. Popular music is moving to the exercise of presenting highly crafted icons with little or no connection to the mundane world, - it probably was always about that but now it is moving into a more intensified form.

In the end, however, a fundamental shift in the balance of pop culture hegemony between the West and the East will probably only fully become apparent when a global brand centering on some fairly mundane commodity (food, drink, clothing, whatever) emerges from the ‘other side’. Let’s wait and see.

Alistair Swale is a Humanities lecturer. His research interest is ethics in society. His book on intellectual currents in Meiji Japan entitled The Political Thought of Mori Arinori: A Study of Meiji Conservatism has recently been published.

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Dear Agony Art At my birthday party on the weekend I was hooking up with a girl in my bedroom with the door closed. My flatmates all came rushing in and started hassling me. All I wanted to do was celebrate my fucking birthday! How can get back at them?

Love James Harnett Dear James Harnett Revenge is a dish best served undetected. It’s all good and fine to let someone know when they’ve got what’s coming to them, but revenge is a far sweeter experience when you’re the only one who knows what’s going on. The greatest revenges also involve poop or other gross things that come from your body. My favourite is this: empty a full tub of margarine. Put your poop in the bottom of the empty container and then carefully put the margarine back on top. Make sure it looks as real as possible. Then sit back and avoid that particular condiment. By the time they get to the good part of the spread, it’ll be far, far too late to do anything about it. Another thing that would work well (especially in your situation) is to approach them when they’re on a date and ask where their girlfriend is. Works every time. You may end up in a fist fight, but they most likely won’t be seeing that girl again. Also: a tray of chicken hearts from Pak N Save is a good method of revenge. Simply put the chicken hearts all around their room: socks, shoes, in the pillows and in their box of scorched almonds. Yummy.

Love Art Dear Agony Art I kissed a guy in town the other night and I’m pretty sure I want to do it again. How can I break it to my friends that I may be a homosexual male?

Simon Rutz Dear Simon Kissing guys in town is a pretty good way of letting people know that you like doing it. Nothing screams “I like men” louder than getting your tongue deep into one (except for those dares you complete to impress silly first year girls in the halls). I recommend you just keep pashing guys every chance you get and your friends will eventually come around. Just remember that since Heath Ledger rooted Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain (or was it the other way around?) it’s OK to be a gay man.

Lesbian? No. But gay man? Definitely.

nerdery.

Jed Laundry

Good <time_of_day> fanatics, for my slackness last week, I was busy with the Imagine Cup (which we unfortunately lost), doing assignments and crashing down to earth on the reverse bungee with an awesome girl.

Although I was going to write double the word allotment this time, bz2 it and publish it for you to OCR and decompress later and read to your hearts content in the unreasonable hours of the morning, I figured I’d better write a normal column this week to avoid alienating the not-so-geekily inclined who venture down these pages and read these mutterings. Yes, those people do in-fact exist. I had one come up to me last week...

Now, as anyone who has had the unfortunate experience of meeting me in real life knows, I’m a Mac user. I’m not a compete zealot; I still bust out Vista every now and then when I want to experience memory leaks in a hotel room late at night, but otherwise I exist in Mac-land.

And I use Safari. Its reasonably fast, and when I write CSS it actually does what I want it to. But that doesn’t mean I excuse Apple’s 1998-era Microsoft-style forcing of Safari on unknowing users (unless you’re still using IE6, in which case you’ve ruined my inner child and you can go to hell). It seems sad that despite the mass controversy back in the day of Microsoft forcing Internet Explorer on users, Apple hasn’t learnt from past mistakes that only lead to bad PR.

But anyway, now that the stress is alleviated and I can think clearly again, I figure it’s about time I talk onto an issue near and dear to me; Apple’s Safari. By now, unless you rock out to something other than an iPod (yes, those poor people also exist, supposedly) and use something other than Windows (as mentioned), you would have had Apple’s wonderful Software Update telling you an update for Safari is ready. And 99.79% of the population apparently either went “WTF! I don’t want to use Apple’s crappy browser!” or “WTF! Why do they release so much crap for iTunes!”.

The browser wars are mostly over, and yet they’ve only just begun.

Internet Explorer 8 finally nails the coffin on standards issues.

Firefox 3 finally put on some makeup. In reality, in a few months a browser will just be that, a browser. They’ll all work and behave the same. And yet hardcore fan-boys are gearing up with their Firefox gear, ready to rip into any competition. Really, some people just need to get a life.

How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Mosh Given that I’ve been at University for seven years now, there are a lot of people out there who know me. I am not a big guy, and my rather girlish figure is more that of a cotton-bud then a brick shithouse. I am edgier (and by that I mean I have more edges) than that U2 guitarist. But I was not always the mosh monster that I can be. Thanks to a little Irish invention they call alcohol, combined with some of these other things I’m going to talk about, I can now mosh with the best of them.

So I guess this is Burton’s guide to moshing. Firstly, take a big large dose of harden the fuck up. You will be bruised, you will fall over. This is a little scary at a large international concert, particularly if there are little kids present who are at ball or ovary level. Every now and then you get some little shithead who likes to stomp on people that fall over, but for the most part people observe the code of the mosh. People help others that fall over, usually with a grin and a slap on the back. Also I would recommend that couples do not go into the mosh. If you have to, be

prepared to be separated. There is no cuddling in the mosh pit – unless being in a human pinball machine is your idea of fun. Holding hands can be a good compromise and a way to avoid being separated – but this can encourage falling over too so be careful. Secondly – he (or she) that dares…wins. Go nuts, it’s usually the safest option. If you’re thrashing around like everyone else you’re less likely to fall over, those who are just standing there with their arms crossed looking staunch are also less likely to give you a hard time. Believe me – crazy beats strength every time (for lessons join my Kermit T Frog Dojo). And as I alluded to at the start – being pointy helps. This is why this form of music suits tall skinny guys, if someone’s trying to push past or is barging you - learn a little lesson from our friend the porcupine. Puff up and stick out all your points (except one – that may get you arrested). If enough of us skinny people do that, eventually the munters will learn, due to severe bruising and possible punctures. Have fun, kids! Next week: crowd surfing.

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I don’t consider myself a bastion of style*, but I do know that I am horribly judgmental to most people that I meet. The years I have spent judging people and writing those thoughts in my unicorn journal have led me to discover two things: I judge people a lot, and unicorn journals are expensive and need to be bought in bulk.

So how does this all reflect on you? Like this: I will write down what it is that most annoys me about people I see walking on the street and perhaps it will strike a chord with you (a G-chord, a G-string for men) and you might change the way you are…it sounds plausible to me. This is not how to dress awesomely. This is how not to dress un-awesomely.

The thing that annoys me most is seeing people with low-self confidence trying to overcome their problems by wearing “cool” clothes or hairstyles, perhaps this is because I see my socially awkward teenage years in these

Those of you familiar with Hamiltron: City of the Future will have been dreading it, those of you who are new here for your first year of University will have been hassled by your extended family about it, those of you who have no idea what I’m on about are soon to be enlightened by the words FUCK ITS FUCKING COLD FUCK. Not so long ago I promised to address the problem of a certain sorcerer lurking in our great city, and I am sorry to report that the situation is far worse that simple hocus-pocus.

It seems - and this should some as no surprise - that when the springtime (the only pretty ring-time) arrives in Norway, the almighty Thor relocates to Hamilton. He brings with him his mighty hammer Mjolnir as well as lots of FUCK FUCKING COLD FUCK. His mighty warrior spirit enters us all, as men don their trusty swanndris and the womenfolk’s nipples steel themselves against the biting chill.

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people, I dunno, I don’t care. All I know is that you aren’t fooling anyone by getting a red emo stripe or having “Cum dumpster” sparkled on the front of your shirt/ back of your skirt.

No mater what you are wearing it will not be complemented by your nervous “maybe I shouldn’t have worn this” shuffle.

I hate, absolutely hate, “witty” sexual reference shirts. Guys, no matter what your shirt says no one will believe that you are hung like a donkey, have legendary junk or a retractable love sceptre. Girls, if you have anything alluding to how easy/hot/shemal you are, I will instantly loose respect from you.

match your suit pieces, never wear a jacket and pants from different sets, I will judge you, harshly (awesomely, if you consider scathing as awesome). Your shirt sleeve should end about 2cm outside you jacket sleeve.

Girls, if I see you wearing last years “rage” of pregnancy/ship sail tops… I will think you less of you, so much less. You will see me looking at you and you will cry, and your first born will have a limp.

Another big gripe for me is people who wear ankle socks under pants. If I ever see you wearing that, you will receive a surprise visit from the shank-fairy that very night.

If you are wearing a suit, follow protocol that was set well before you were even born. There is absolutely no shame in asking for advice on wearing a suit, but a lot of shame for those who wear them wrong. Two button jackets are always worn with top button done up (some contest the bottom also, I disagree). Always

Thor is followed by Loki, who focuses his attentions on my sanity. You see, when it’s cold, people need more energy. You can’t always afford to buy food to give you this energy, maybe you’ve spent your money on things you shouldn’t have, so you are forced to take the night off work because you’re too tired and cold to do anything except lie in bed fully dressed, drinking from a bottle of Jack until you are warm enough to get to sleep.

When you arise three days later, you’ve missed class, there’s no food, you are still tired, hungry and drunk, you need to drive to get more food, and your mind still wrapped up in alternateworld because you spent this year’s food money on GTA4 and a 37” HDTV (Note: Avoid parking buildings). You will receive less money this week because you couldn’t go to work, and the cycle continues.

So what can be done? This is still supposed to be an advice column on living in Hamilton,

I don’t think I have any finishing thoughts on this other than maybe you should look out for me in town cause I’m bitter and will take it out on you. *except for when I put on one-man runways and walk-offs in my room.

but there’s not much you can do against the gods themselves. This is where I could make a stand about student living allowances and how the government need to take notice of FUCK FUCKING BORING FUCK. People who whinge about that can go to Hell (it’s warmer). I’ll take the moral high ground here and recommend you take up smoking. If you can afford it, the hot smoke in your lungs can really warm you up on the way to class in the morning. You could try finding a snuggle partner, but girls are well known for clinging on to me and taking all my body heat, so I advise against that unless she has fantastic pillowy funbags. Avoid fat chicks though; they are always cold because their body heat can’t make it out to their skin.

This week we have learned that the top ways to keep warm this winter are: 1) Drink irresponsibly 2) Smoke 3) Pillowy funbags.

The Phat Controller Final Fantasy VII – Crisis Core – PSP review

By Cryo*

Three words sum this game up: Fucking absolutely awesome!

If you haven’t already enjoyed this wonderful epic tale, go right now!

You won’t be disappointed. FFVII – CC is the best game to grace the PSP so far. The visuals are some of the best the system has seen, and the story is a piece of art in itself. The character designs are flawless, filling characters with convincing emotion. The scenery is surreal, balanced with fair detail. The music is perfectly orchestrated, putting the PSP’s tiny speakers to shame. This is an epic game – well, it would be more correct to say; this is an epic experience.

There’s not much else to say that hasn’t already been said about CC. I mean if you own a PSP or are a fan of Final Fantasy you have definitely heard about this game. If you’re one of the two [or both] above and you haven’t even seen this game; GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! No seriously, go out and play this game if you own a PSP, even if you do return it [unlikely, I bet] at lest you can say you have seen this epic experience firsthand.

Two things that definitely need mentioning about CC are the CGI cutscenes and the awesome battle system. The cinematic cutscenes [reminiscent of Advent Children] are definitely some of the best movie scenes for the PSP so far, take the end theme; if you can’t notice the immense emotion you must be a rock. Also the new real-time battle system engages the player in actually dodging attacks unlike the turnbased counterparts throughout the FF range and is an epic win!

Lastly, having played both the Japanese and US versions I can attest that the US version stays true with the translation [for the most part] and true to the FF series, thank god the US version kept the original end theme song! One bitchy thing though; is unlike the Jap version that uses the same voice actors from Advent Children; the US version opted to cast a new set of voice actors.

Your world won’t end if you don’t play Crisis Core; but it is definitely an epic experience well worth your precious gil.

NB: Before any hardcore fanboys ‘attempt’ to smash my face in; I’m sorry for not totally doing justice to FFVII CC with this review, though thinking about it; a justified review would take up a good few pages and I’m only allowed 500 words. I have even gone over that, also it’s 2.38AM on a Tuesday and I just remembered I haven’t prepared for my Japanese test today let alone my Comp test on Wednesday. BTW what are you still doing reading this anyway, you should be playing Crisis Core.

This week I went to a little café called Urge, its on Victoria St – just off Garden Place (NB: not the one IN Garden Place). The place is really a little coffee and tea boutique. The café is lined with almost French, Victorianera shelves; packed with teas, coffees… and almost every tea and coffee accessory that you can imagine. This particular morning, they had the Garden State soundtrack playing away in the background (I recognized it as I have it myself), and the place had a fantastic atmosphere. They have a huge selection of coffee beans from around the world on display that you can have measured out on some old brass scales to take away with you. They don’t have a food cabinet per se, in fact, they don’t actually sell anything savory at all. On a little table in front of the counter, however, they have some cake stands with about 5-8 different cakes and slices (plus they have an amazing range of hand made chocolates with their own special glass display).

Anyhow, we went to the counter and first I asked a question about one of the cakes (as I do, just to check product knowledge), and the lady was able to answer my question without even a pause. So two coffees and a cake came to $14, which may normally be a bit on the expensive side but by this stage I was so entranced by this quaint little store that just oozed quality, I didn’t mind at all. We were offered cream or yoghurt, again great, and they said they would bring it out in a few moments.

The only notable mention here is that there is no indoor seating, there is however wrought iron tables and chairs outside, under the footpath awning - which is quite neat (weather dependent).

After a few moments, the lady brought our cake and coffee to us and it looked fantastic. The cake was perfect in terms of texture, taste and was presented really well. The coffee…where do I begin with the coffee, probably by saying that this was actually one of the best coffees I have ever had – period. The flavors were well balanced, the milk was stretched perfectly and it was at an ideal temperature.

So Scores for this Week: Service 10/10 Food 9/10 Coffee 10/10 Atmosphere 8/10 A fantastic and very well deserved 37/40 for Urge this week, let down only by the fact that there was no indoor seating and that the food range wasn’t huge. But this is all relative, to me the store is more of a coffee and tea boutique that makes coffee as well, not only do they make coffee – they do it amazingly well. If you are looking for a local coffee haunt on your way to work, it would unequivocally be this place.

There are only so many adjectives that I can use at this point so you really do have to go and try this one out.

You stay classy San Diego, Thunder McLOUD!

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Title: Monster Love

Author: Carol Topolski Publisher: Penguin

$35.00 If you only buy one book this year, make sure it is Monster Love by Carol Topolski. I know for many of you spending $35 on a book will necessitate living off baked beans for a fortnight to afford it, but it will be well worth the culinary suicide…and the complaints from your flatmates about your flatulence.

I’m being facetious, but this book is anything but. It is a dark, horrifyingly twisted tale of two people, Sherilyn and Brendan, so fiercely in love that they will let nothing stand in the way of their happiness and will destroy anything that threatens them – even their own child.

The book is told chapter by chapter from different characters associated with Sherilyn

and Brendan and each, while progressing the storyline from the moment the crime is discovered until their incarceration, are also grappling with the enormity of the crime committed and the questions that go with it; how could someone, especially parents, do this to a child? How did no one notice what was going on? How could they justify their actions as being acceptable?

Monster Love, because of its subject matter of all consuming love and child abuse, is not an easy read but it is a thoroughly mesmerising one. Beautifully written in clear concise language, debut author Topolski captures the individual voices of each of her many

characters and make them all come across uniquely on the page. The near cosmic connection between the two protagonists is particularly chillingly written.

Definitely my favourite read so far in 2008.

Title: A Life in Pieces: How One Woman’s Personality Was Shattered by Years of Abuse Author: Richard K Baer Publisher: Random House

$37.99 A Life in Pieces is the true life story of Dr. Richard Baer’s treatment of patient Karen Overhill who suffered years of ritualistic physical and sexual abuse as a child perpetrated by the men in her life that were supposed to care for her.

Four and a half years after she starts therapy with him for severe clinical depression, Dr. Baer receives a letter from seven year old Claire who claims to be a different personality living within Karen. Over time, 17 different alternative

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personalities (alters) come forward in Karen, each with different ages, abilities, posture, ways of talking and responsibilities.

Karen’s mind created each alter to deal with a part of the abuse that she cannot handle.

These include Miles, a mischievous eight year old boy who was created to spare Karen the physical pain of her sexual abuse and Katherine, the 38 year old alter formed to help a severely traumatised Karen order and maintain her daily life as a wife and mother.

It is Dr Baer’s long and sensitive task to rebuild Karen’s shattered psyche and merge all 17 of her alters back into one, a task that will eventually take him 18 years of therapy to achieve.

This is a truly extraordinary story of an immensely brave woman facing her past demons and dealing with them, even when at times she was battling her inner alters who would much rather see her dead then have themselves amalgamated into her.

David Lean (1908-1991): Part One Given that Charles Chaplin and Alfred Hitchcock did their best work in America, David Lean is probably England’s greatest ever filmmaker. A master storyteller, with an eye for beautiful compositions, Lean combined the highest technical acumen with an acutely dramatic sensibility. He often embraced extreme or exotic locations, yet never for their own sake or at the expense of character intimacy.

Lean had a love-hate relationship with critics, one that ultimately contributed to years of

inactivity toward the end of his career despite unfailing commercial success. His outward arrogance masked deep-seated insecurities.

Lean’s was not overtly intellectual cinema; it was more intuitive, and interpretive. No one has better adapted the works of Noel Coward, EM Forster, TE Lawrence or, especially, Charles Dickens.

elevated propaganda to the status of art, albeit an art grounded in Coward’s schematic reinforcement of the British class system.

Brilliantly shot and edited, the stiff upper lip resolve of its cast only faulted when it came to the young Richard Attenborough, who used his cowardly debut role as a springboard into a career that persists to this day.

Lean directed sixteen features in forty two years.

His oeuvre can be broken down into four distinct phases, categories defined thematically and logistically as much as chronologically.

A former editor, Lean got his first directorial

Coward’s collaboration with Lean continued through three more classics, play adaptations whose celebration of the culture was often undercut by the author’s trademark wit and irony. The best received was the last, “Brief Encounter”, a tale of would-be adultery in which a stolidly middle class English house

break in 1942 thanks to Coward. When the dramatist sort to bring a version of his friend Louis Mountbatten’s war exploits to the screen he needed the assistance of someone more familiar with the medium than he. The resulting film, “In Which We Serve”, almost

wife cannot quite bring herself to betray the marriage vows. Inherently of its period, its portrayal of emotional repression has never really been equalled and for many it remains the ultimate British film, the country’s answer to Hollywood’s “Casablanca”.

The origin of Iron Man comes from Tony Stark, played by Robert Downey Jr. Stark is a millionaire playboy asshole who has made his name and fortune from his genius in engineering, specifically weapons development for the US. While demonstrating his latest weapons in the field (of whichever warzone is topical when the story is being told – the movie puts him in Afghanistan) his convoy is attacked and he is captured, and forced to build weaponry for whoever has him (Arab Terrorists for the 2008 audience). Instead he builds an armoured exoskeleton and kills his way out. After seeing the death and destruction caused by his weapons, he leaves the weapons industry and instead decides to improve the suit and fight the good fight.

themes - in Stark’s case the conscience of a man labelled as ‘the merchant of death’ - are tackled neatly and without pretension – he follows his newly chosen direction and then deals with the consequences. A nearly unrecognisable Jeff Bridges provides an excellent counterpart to Stark, presenting a kind of what-if scenario for a man with no such qualms.

Iron Man

Directed by Jon Favreau Reveiwed by Chris Parnell

The latest in the new wave of comic-book superhero movies, Iron Man comes from Marvel, which is the stable that includes Spiderman, Hulk, Punisher and the X-men.

If you were getting sick of those, you need to know that this one blows them all away, because Iron Man is an awesome movie with awesome stuff in it.

The movie plays out the origin of the character, followed by some conflict and then the emergence and eventual defeat of a villain, like most superhero movies. Only the bare bones of the formula are covered, however, and the film really shines because it’s happy to have fun and be a little more light-hearted, which is a refreshing change from the last few cape movies like Batman Begins, Superman Returns and Spiderman 3. The traditional themes associated with the character are still addressed, but they are modernised well and treated frankly, which is also refreshing. I think ‘refreshing’ is my one-word review.

The fantastic casting really brings the movie to life. Downey Jr. (being an asshole) is a perfect choice for Stark, but the clincher that keeps the movie fun yet still believable is his portrayal of a man who has become a superhero. He doesn’t become a boy-scout, he becomes an asshole with a calling. The aforementioned

For an action movie with only three real action scenes, the pacing is surprisingly upbeat and, well, fun. A killer rock soundtrack sets the mood, and most of the scoring is based around heavy guitars with some contribution from Tom Morello. Any movie that opens with a man drinking scotch while riding in a Hummer listening to ‘Back in Black’ scores points in my book, although I was a little disappointed that Black Sabbaths ‘Iron Man’ had to wait until the credits. I wanted to hear it while shit was being blown up. Go see it, I’ve heard people compare it to Transformers and rightly so, and if you are a Marvel fan then wait for the end of the credits! (Do. Total nerdgasm – Ed)

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Memories Mar My Mind In other news… On the back of their chart-topping mediocre album Beautiful Machine, Shihad have announced a New Zealand-wide tour.

Hopefully they plan to put shit right by rocking those pop tunes up a bit live and getting some much needed guts into them songs. Whatever the album they’re hawking and whatever they play on the night, there is no doubt that Shihad are one of NZ’s best ever live rock bands. The Ham concert is a ways off, July 24, but just so’s ya know.

New band Cosmic Rays of Death take post-modern pastiche to new heights with the release of their debut EP …Of Doom. Featuring Mike Logie of Mint Chicks and Si Frost of The Managers and Army of Darkness, along with Matt Brennan, the band grab old skool video game music and spaz it up with a “Sci-fi rock collision of heavy

WARNING: If you’re opposed to blatant self-promotion presented in the third person please skip the following paragraph.

grooves… electro-skonked tones [and] diabolical melodies…” Closest they get to Ham is at the Kings Arms this Thursday night, 15th May, with support from Kitty Hawk, Bengal Lights and Rebel.

songs may be played acoustically, or amped up, and the set list off the top of Watkins’ head. Saturday’s show is a taste test, all material played acoustic by Watkins with help from long time collaborator Corinna Watts (also formerly of Daisy Chain Halo) on percussion. Entry is $5 to be paid to the pretty girl on the door.

MADONNA

PORTISHEAD

Hard Candy

Third

(Warner Bros) Madonna. She’s been around. In the fickle and phony pop market she has managed to not only stay alive in it but influence and change it. How has Madge managed it? By keeping it unreal, of course. Madonna’s career has been a master class in the cult of personality, and the imperatives of the artist managing it Then there is the fact that she’s always been able to write a great melody, has learnt to read the market she’s selling to, and knows how to give the punters what they want, while keeping it fresh enough for both artist and audience. It goes without saying then that she’s done it again here. Kicking off the cowboy shoes and leg warmers, sliding the fuck me boots high up onto those lithe thighs, Madonna returns to her raunchy roots with Hard Candy. Showing that she popped out way before her time Madonna’s tunes and grooves still hit the spot in the noughties as well as they ever did in the nineties and eighties (best proof: “Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You”). This album gets better and better as it progresses, following its hard-boiled theme, sweet and attention grabbing at the start, chewy in the middle with a satisfying climax (swallow?) and leaving a great after taste. For Madonna fans, boogie meisters, but also that sexy pop tart in all of us.

(Island Records) Just in time for winter, though far too long in coming for some, comes Portishead’s muchanticipated third dark and dreary studio album.

Truly, Portishead’s albums should come with a warning to sufferers of bipolar, depression and other mental disturbances to stay the fuck away from their music.

From a pure musical standpoint you will find trip hop of the highest quality here, as you did on Dummy and Portishead, along with the requisite effects of a digital nature and clever manipulation of acoustic sounds. Beth’s delicate voice is there delivering the lyrics with trademark fragility and clarity, still as soft and beautiful as any caged bird. So yes, more of the same in a sense, but there are some surprises which I will not ruin.

The period of time between the last album and this is perhaps testament to the dedication these three darkos show to every note in their songs, as much as it is for their busied lives as writers and producers of the highest calibre. Third provides more proof of their brilliance, if you can handle it.

This Saturday, May 17, down at La Commune marks the first official live show for Red Moon Collective. Doors open at 7:30PM and RMC will be supported by Shmozmik, an eclectic folky-rock duo who hail from Waihi. Red Moon Collective is the banner under which Carl Watkins (formerly Daisy Chain Halo) is working under in his ongoing unconscious attempts to combine all manner of genres (folk, rock, blues, soul, classical) and ensembles to create an ideal musical platform for his thoughts and feelings. Ultimately there will be no such thing as a typical evening of RMC music, the line-up is fluid and genre straddling, the

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Death Proof – Quentin Tarantino Reviewed by Vitamin C While I really wanted to, I never saw this at the movies because I was slacked off at the separation of the Grindhouse double feature. To be honest the one thing I was really looking forward to was the fake trailers that were supposed to be in between each feature, in particular Rob Zombies’ Werewolf Women of the SS. The first thing to note is that this DVD has none of those trailers, just one for the movie itself, one for the Grindhouse double feature, and one for a doco about Zoë Bell and another stuntlady.

With the first-time viewing of a Tarantino flick comes the usual period of wondering what exactly you are meant to be expecting. The film is split into two acts that each begin with roughly the same story: a group of girls are out driving, making banal girl-talk about boys, while a charmingly creepy Kurt Russell follows them from place to place in his death proof car before trying to murder them with it. A fantastic slasher film plot if there ever was one; but then the Tarantino comes into it. The first act is played straight, if that’s possible, with the audience getting to know the girls along with Kurt’s ‘Stuntman Mike’ in a bar. Stuntman Mike is great nod to the old Russell/John Carpenter characters, so even

Iron Maiden: Live After Death

though there are no hints given that this is “the killer” you know by virtue of the movie that he’s in that bad-assery is afoot.

The second act does a fantastic subversion on the genre. It plays out more or less the same, but with much less focus on Stuntman Mikes perspective. This frames up the first piece a bit differently as a clever deconstruction of a slasher film, namely in the sense that if this was happening in real life, how could it play out? If you saw a scary man with a scary car at a café and then he showed up at your bar that night, would you be worried? Would you even notice if he was sitting right behind your table having dinner? This makes the climax of the first half much more terrifying, especially Rose McGowan’s chilling delivery of her last lines. The second sequence winds up to an excellent role-reversal, not just plot-wise but cinematographically as well, with some inspired hunter/hunted cliché shots, as the classic slasher film dynamic makes an abrupt 180.

Performance wise, Zoë Bell steals the show with her part. Zoë is an up and coming Kiwi actress who first made her name as a stuntwoman, doubling for Uma Thurman in Kill Bill. She is credited as playing herself, which helps the story along in some places, but the centrepiece is that all of the stunts are legit, taking the film up a level from Tarantino Car Chase Movie to a literally nail-biting (I was) thrill ride. She does so well that you really do forget about the funny-till-you-think-about-it loose end in the plot. dozen odd live videos made it to disc one of the DVD set sans the studio tracks from side four of the vinyl, so there’s not an awful lot here of the actual concert.

Reviewed by Vitamin C Ooooh Iron Maiden. Sweet. Live After Death is a somewhat legendary live show, recorded in 1985 near the end of the World Slavery Tour of 200 odd shows. The setlist is made up of recordings across a 4-night sellout back to back stint at the Long Beach Arena in LA. It’s first worth noting that the concert took place in 1985. This was when Maiden were on the crest of their international success, it was just after the release of their album ‘Powerslave’, and it also means the full spandex and hair routine. The

Disc two makes up for this however, with Part Two of the documentary ‘The History of Iron Maiden’ (I have no idea where Part One can be found). It’s a pretty slick doco, with lots of useless facts for Iron Maiden or metal history fans. I’m not sure how appealing it will be to non metal/non Maiden enthusiasts, because I have absolutely no intention of talking to someone who doesn’t like Maiden, let alone lend them my Iron Maiden DVD. There’s another doco called ‘Behind the Iron Curtain’ which is all about how the were the first big western band to go play for all the dirty commies at the height of the cold war. There’s even more footage of them playing Rock In Rio 85, and also in Texas.

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Listings courtesy of Mammoth and the Hamilton Community Arts Council Live Music Axces NZ Music Month Competition - Heat 3 Fri 16 May, Doors open 7pm @ Axces Bar – Free entry Celebrating NZ music month, heats every friday of the month of May. Final last Friday! Winner takes 5 grand!

Charlie Ash, The Bengal Lights, T Bones, MC Stormtroopa + Damsels Fri 16 May, Doors open 8:30pm, Starts 9pm @ Yellow Submarine – $10 Auckland/Wellington synth punklectro poppers Charlie Ash decide to get icky-sticky in Hamiltron. Support slots from The Bengal Lights (Auckland), T Bones (Auckland), MC Stormtroopa (Htizzle) and Damsels (Htron).

Tahuna Breaks Fri 16 May, Doors open 9pm @ Altitude – $10 Tahuna Breaks are back on the road in May for another nationwide tour.

Bad Medicine, Brick vs Face, The Bludgers, This is This + More Fri 16 May, Doors open 9pm @ Ward Lane – $7 Bad Medicine celebrate the release of their new album along with some friends. Also confirmed playing is Silence All. Sinfura, Simple Day + More Sat 17 May, Doors open 7pm @ Yellow Submarine – $5 All Ages show with support from Forever now, Since I Killed and Unspoken for.

Knives at Noon+more Sat 31 May, Doors open at 9pm @ Yellow Submarine - $5 38

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Get ready now for Yellow Sub’s Last Show Ever, featuring Feno vs Frank, 1995 and Dunedin’s own Knives at Noon on their very first NZ-wide tour. EPs available on the night.

The Dentist’s Chair - It’s all about fear It was a dentist who invented anesthetic and a dentist who invented the electric chair. Albert is a dentist with a gift for easing others’ pain - but not his own. His long neglected passions are inflamed by a delicate operation on a young woman. In the process of straightening out her teeth will Albert straighten out his life?

Tue 20 May 2008 - Sat 24 May 2008 Cost: From $22 to $45 + Booking Fee Time: 8pm Where: Clarence St Theatre, 59 Clarence St

Hamilton Film Society Screening The Navigator (Vincent Ward, NZ, 1988). A visionary boy leads five men from the 14th Century into a 20th Century city. Their quest: to save their village before sunrise.

Tue 13 May 2008 Cost: Full Year Membership $100. One-off screenings $12.

Time: 8pm Where: Victoria Cinema, 690 Victoria Street, Hamilton Celebrity Showcase: Martin Roscoe Following on from the sell-out success of Russian pianist Nikolai Demidenko’s concert last year, the Waikato University Music Department continues its Celebrity Showcase series with the exceptional British virtuoso Martin Roscoe.

One of Britain’s most popular and prolific recitalists, Martin Roscoe is a deeply thoughtful musician who performs to great acclaim.

Fri 09 May 2008 Cost: $45 adults, $30 students Tickets from Ticket Direct www.ticketdirect.co.nz or 0800 383 5200 Time: 7.30pm

Where: Gallagher Concert Chamber, WEL Academy of Performing Arts, University of Waikato Okta Okta presents the Trans-Tasman Connection concert featuring works by New Zealand and Australian composers. Sydney based soprano Stephanie Acraman will by premiering a new song cycle by Michael Williams, and Martin Lodge’s 2007 film After D’rer will receive its first Hamilton screening.

Fri 16 May 2008 Cost: $5 door sales Time: 7.30pm Where: Gallagher Concert Chamber, WEL Academy of Performing Arts, University of Waikato Campus Bare Set in a Catholic boarding school, the show centres on a group of friends during their senior year. Altar boy Peter is in love with his roommate Jason one of the most popular kids in school. They are carrying on a closeted romance but Peter wants to go public with their affair, at least to his mother whom he loves dearly. Things get complicated.

Sat 03 May 2008 - Sat 17 May 2008 Where: The Riverlea Theatre and Arts Centre, 83 Riverlea Road, Hillcrest Cadbury Crunchie Comedy Convoy 08 Five of the funniest local and international comedians of the 2008 NZ International Comedy Festival, go full throttle right across the nation. Hosted by Dai Henwood - NZ’s multiple award winning stand up comedian, and last years recipient of THE FRED - the Festival’s Award for Comedy Excellence.

Wed 07 May 2008 Cost: $36 + Booking Fee Time: 8pm Where: Clarence St Theatre, 59 Clarence St