issue 9

09 7 MAY 2007

People seemed to not like the Satan’s Birthday Cake theme all too much, but hey, there was plenty of freedom there to explore and make funny. Ah well, check here for Photochop past, present and future: http://www.nexusmag.co.nz/forum/viewtopic.php?p=5797 Next week’s theme will be “Lunchboxes for Single Dads”. Campus Pharmacy has offered a $20 gift voucher to the one deemed by Nexus judges to be the best of the bunch. Work your photo manipulation magic and win some free credit! Send ‘em in before 5PM Thurs, 10 May.

Theme: Satan’s Birthday Cake

By dj_llirik

By Josh

By Vitamin A

By Matt

This Week’s Winner:

Beholder Come claim your voucher at the Nexus office! Hopefully we’re in!

Kerry Dean. M.P.S.

PHONE: 838 4740 K.J. Dean Ltd. University of Waikato, Hamilton

ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

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This week, Magic 8 Ball is an illegal Mexican alien currently hiding out in Los Angeles and earning cash as a paparazzo.

We asked him for insights into the secret lives of the celebrities he stalks.

We know that Angelina Jolie is all saintly and stuff now that she’s adopted all those children and stolen Brad Pitt and had a baby of her own, but is she actually still a crazy bitch who cuts herself and drinks the blood of her male co-stars before she shags them to death?

Outlook good. I have pics of her doing all sorts of naughty things with tacos and burritos when Brad isn’t watching. I’m just waiting for someone to offer me the right price but you can bet your brother’s asno, Angelina is still loco.

Is John Mayer going out with Jessica Simpson because he’s as dumb as she is or is he just completely dumbfounded by her amazing rack?

Yes. To both questions. His cerebro is a big enchilada but when he looks at her chimichangas it turns to salsa.

Did Britney Spears make any selfimprovements while she was in rehab?

As I see it, yes. She had time in there to consult with a bunch of different plastic surgeons and try and get a good deal on some liposuction and she’s looking pretty good now, for a lady who loves so much hot burrito action. She is still a real bad mother but at least she’s not such a rechoncho senorita.

Is Lindsay Lohan really having a lesbian affair with DJ Samantha Ronson?

You may rely on it. You can see from all my photos of Lindsay that she loves lady tamales. Lindsay doesn’t snort so much coke now either – her girlfriend is an E dealer, so Lindsay is less intensely loco and more likely to take her clothes off and rub up against people. Which makes for great photos, I can tell you.

To the best of your knowledge, has Tom Cruise come out of the closet yet?

Most likely. As in, I think he’s told his wife. I have some great snaps of her beating the shit out of him but I can’t use them because I was hiding in their pool house when I took them, which is apparently illegal. Anyway, she was beating him up after finding him in a passionate abrazo with the pool boy so I guess she knows all about it.

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ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

Nexus Issue 9 7 May 2007

Features

Credits

18

Playing Fair

Is Fair Trade relevent to us?

20

Sleeping your worries away

Nexus sees just how effective Hypnotherapy can be

News 8-13

Waxed for Thursdays in Black SJS makes itself shit sandwich: avoids eating it Government announces $127 million increase in tertiary funding Drugs are bad, m’kay?

Hutchinson hearts bogans Execution Haiku News

Regulars 04 05 07 14 16 17 22 25 26 26 27

Photochop Challenge Magic 8 Ball Editorial Lettuce Meantime Fashionbot WSU columns Notices Redman Says Writing Competition Weird Facts

27 28 29 29 30 30 31 31 32 32 33

Boulanger Puzzles Society Pages Chuck & Benjo Vitalisa $3 Chef Boganology Sports Thoughts Static Void Main () Agony Art Los Libros

33 34 35 35 36 37 38 38 39

Walkthrough NZMM Band Spotlight Citric Gig Guide Books Film Arts Diary Hi 5 Busted

EDITOR: ROZ CASE (nexus@waikato.ac.nz) DESIGN: MATT SCHEURICH (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) ADVERTISING: TONY ARKELL (Phone 021 176 6180) NEWS ED: JOSH DRUMMOND (news@nexus-npl.co.nz) BOOKS ED: BRIE JESSEN MUSIC ED: CAPTAIN AHAB (htownahab@gmail.com) CONTRIBUTORS: BURTON C. BOGAN, BLAIR NICHOLSON, BRIE JESSON, ALANA FERGUSSON, ROCKY, STEVEN, GARY OLIVER, CYRILL, CAPTAIN AHAB, VITAMIN C, JOSEPH ROSS, ADAM SMITH, MOSKONOVICH, LEAH GRAHAM, CANDICE BOTTOMSWORTH, JED LAUNDRY, ISA, ROZ, MATT, JOSH, ART FOCKER, PETRA JANE, JOE CITIZEN, RICHARD SWAINSON, BOULANGER, WSU. NO THANKS TO MIKE MILLER.

VISIT US ONLINE @ nexusmag.co.nz AND myspace.com/nexusmagazine NEXUS IS A MEMBER OF THE AOTEAROA STUDENT PRESS ASSOCIATION (ASPA) BUT WE’RE NOT SLEEPING TOGETHER, WE’RE JUST FRIENDS. THE VIEWS EXPESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, WSU OR APN. WANT TO ADVERTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL nexus@waikato.ac.nz OR PHONE 838 4653.

OR VISIT www.nexusmag.co.nz/advertising-info NEXUS IS LOCATED AT GROUND FLOOR, STUDENT UNION BUILDING, GATE ONE, UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO, KNIGHTON ROAD, HAMILTON. PHONE: FAX: EMAIL:

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Editorial

BY ROSALIND CASE

So, it’s already week nine of the semester and it’s the time of year when it doesn’t matter whether you’re sailing through all your papers with A’s or about to completely bomb out in all your papers – either way, the next few weeks will probably be kind of nightmarish.

Even if you’re super-organised and amazing when it comes to this sort of thing, odds are that all your lecturers have kindly arranged for your biggest assignments to be due on the same day. And if you haven’t really had your study-pants on this semester, then you’re probably going to spend the next few weeks feeling a combination of guilt, shame and general anxiety about how useless you are.

But never fear - we asked around at Nexus to find out what methods people use to save their arses come end of semester and found that there’s a number of techniques which can be used at this late point to salvage your grades:

The Trip to the Counsellor

Thursday onwards, eat lots of healthy brainfood like tuna and spirulina and other gross things, and then head straight to the library when it opens on Saturday at 10am. When you get there, you write a timetable outlining how much time you’re going to spend doing actual research and how much will be dedicated to actual writing. If you’re a speedy typist, you can expect to hoon through 1000 words in an hour once you actually get off your bum and get started. It’s the getting started bit that’s hard.

Just think of the nerdiest person you know and then try to imitate them for 48 hours. Nobody ever needs to know. The library closes at 6pm, so by that time you’ve had a good 8 hours of nerd-time in which to get yourself sorted. If you’re still not sorted after that, then go back again on Sunday. It seems painful, but it’s way less painful than having to constantly worry about your late assignments. Get it over with already and then you can go out, get drunk and sleep with strangers like a real student would.

Several of our interviewees said they’ve used this technique. But you probably need to book now – spaces will be filling up quick. Apparently, rubbing onions in your eyes before the appointment will help your case. Students using this method of graderedemption will need to show up with some sort of excuse as to why they haven’t been able to hand in their assignments on time or why they need some kind of extension.

Good ideas include the death of the family cat, the death of your favourite Shortland Street character, period pain, or a cheating lover. The counsellors will probably suspect that you’re lying or exaggerating, but that’s kind of par for the course. Crying helps, so make sure you rub those onions in real good.

Once you’ve got some endorsement from your counsellor, you should be able to get your lecturer to give you a couple more weeks to sort your shit out. But then you really have to get it together – there’s no point rubbing onions in your eyes if you’re not going to take advantage of the resulting extensions.

The Big El Flunko

The Total Immersion Weekend

NB: Nexus doesn’t necessarily endorse lying to the uni counsellors. But we recognise that lots of people do it and celebrate your right to use your imagination.

This is the weekend where you don’t just talk about “studying all weekend” like you have been since February. You actually do it. This means that you refuse all offers to go out from

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Lots of people choose this option when the other two options seem a bit hard. And if you’ve got 8 weekly assignments that you should have already handed in, then maybe you’re at this point now. While it might seem like the easy way out now, it’s also kind of shit. You, your student loan or your grandma paid heaps of money for your papers and it seems like kind of a waste to throw it all away, doesn’t it? Go and talk to your lecturer or tutor, even if you’re scared and ashamed – if you’re just upfront and say “look, I’ve had a doozy of a semester where I’ve been really slack and unfocussed – is there any point trying to resuscitate myself now or should I just go for an IC?” they’ll probably be really receptive and give you an honest opinion as to whether or not there’s hope. Remember, your lecturer has a vested interest in seeing you pass that paper – it doesn’t look great to the department if their students are all flaking out. And if there’s really nothing that can be done to stop this boat from sinking, well, at least you know for sure.

Nexus Cover Art WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ/COVERART

Artist: Sergei Litvinenko http://sin486.deviantart.com/

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ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

7

NEWS

News Waxed for Thursdays In Black

BY JOSH DRUMMOND Nearly 50 people and someone in a gorilla suit were around to see James Greenless waxed for Thursdays in Black at the WSU building on Thursday.

Attendees bid real money for a chance to apply piping hot wax to Greenless’ hirsute, pale body and tear it off in jerky, painful motions.

Asked by Nexus how he was going, Greenless said “not too bad,” then someone waxed his nipple. “Ahhhhhhhh!

FUUUUUUCK!” he screamed. “It burns!”

The crowd were appreciative, cheering and gasping appropriately.

“Tighten your abs,” called some wag from the crowd.

“What abs?” responded Greenless heartily.

As the hair came off, so did the clothes. Nexus left when Greenless was stripped to his boxers, which were hiked up around his bottom and looking like they might come off at any second.

Onlookers were by turns amused and repulsed. “I wouldn’t do it myself, but it’s a good cause. He’s pretty much the man,” said one,

Andrew Corkill.

“I like watching men rub hot wax on other men,” said another, William Gauntlett.

“I did his JAMES GREENLESS PROVING HIS MOXIE underarms. It was satisfying. Best $5 I’ve ever spent.” He absentmindedly picked a curly black hair, attached by a blob of wax, from a fingernail.

The event raised money for the Thursdays in Black campaign, which starts this week.

Thursdays in Black is an international campaign against rape and violence, supported by high-profile groups such as Amnesty International. It is carried out mostly across university campuses in New Zealand and elsewhere, and has its roots in such movements as Mothers of the Disappeared in Argentina, Black Sash in South Africa and the Women in Black movements in Israel-Palestine and the former Yugoslavia. Thursdays in Black was started in 1980s by the World Council of Churches as a peaceful protest against rape and violence.

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NEWS

SJS makes itself shit sandwich: avoids eating it

By Matt Russell The Student Job Search (SJS) avoided landing in some serious financial trouble last week after student associations around the country voted to allow the organization to set its levies for 2006 and 2007 a year late.

Last year’s SJS Annual General Meeting (comprised from the 22 member associations’ Presidents), neglected to set the levies for 2006/2007, and the service ran the risk of reaching the end of the financial year in June without collecting any revenue from member associations. This would have placed the solvency of Student Job Search in jeopardy.

The voting was carried out by student executives on each campus all last week and then relayed back to the SJS National Council in Wellington. While the majority of student associations voted in favour of allowing SJS to belatedly set the levies, there was some contention over the yearly subscription fee of $750, some members arguing it was too high for smaller associations and polytechnics. Issues of collective financial mismanagement were also raised.

“They dropped the ball”, says current SJS National Chairperson Josh Clark. “It was a mistake, and it’s just the kind of thing that happens when you have students running an complex organization like this on yearly terms.”

“To address that problem we’ve set up an advisory board which should be in place by the end of the month”, he says. “We want to ensure that we’re not getting that roll over from students, and we’ve got some business expertise and input when we’re making key financial decisions.”

It was also argued from some quarters that the current levy system is flawed because the amount member Associations have to pay in levies is based on the number of job placements each branch achieves for students.

Rioting* after government announces $127 million increase in tertiary funding

By Richard Bol

from the demand-focussed ‘bums-on-seats’ funding approach to a priority-based system.

Tertiary Education Minister Dr Michael Cullen has unveiled a $127 million boost in financial support for tertiary education, in order to support reforms already occurring in the sector.

The funding increase is contained in the upcoming budget, and consists of $36.8 million for operating spending over four years and $90 million in capital expenditure. The money will be directed towards the Institutes of Technology and Polytechnic (ITP), Industry Training Organisation (ITO) and wananga sectors, and will work to assist them with the transition

“It is vital we have a tertiary education sector capable of driving economic transformation and meeting our environmental and social challenges,” said Dr Cullen. “A highly skilled workforce in particular is essential if we are to develop a more resilient and flexible economy to meet the challenges we face in the global marketplace.”

The announcement found favour with the New Zealand Union of Students’ Association Co-President Joey Randall. “Public tertiary institutions, particularly polytechnics, have

been starved of funding for their core business for too long,” said Randall. “Students and institutions alike will welcome the greater certainty of the three year funding system. The funding increase is a good start to bringing polytechnics out of the red, although given the current financial situation of many institutions this may not prove enough.” However, Randall warned that quality and relevance need to be balanced by equal access to tertiary education.

“If government has greater certainty that it is funding quality, relevant courses, it needs to start lifting the fees burden off students.” *Not really.

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ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

NEWS

Drugs are bad, mmkay? – Yes, even legal ones

By Amy Joseph Last month Otago MP Jacqui Dean (National) launched a Private Member’s Bill to classify BZP as a Class-C controlled drug. Since the 2005 election, Dean has campaigned for restrictions on the party pill drug, but now she wants to see a “complete ban.”

Dean says that she problems caused by BZP are twofold: the “medicinal harm that can be caused to people through BZP - those are the side effects that you see people turning up in emergency rooms with, heart palpitations, and thinking they’re dying, and dehydration” - and the promotion of a drug culture in New Zealand. Dean says that the message our current BZP legislation gives is that “in order to have a good time you must first pop a pill, [and] it doesn’t matter what is in that pill really. It’s that legal drug culture which we are apparently condoning.”

In addition to fostering a drug culture, Dean believes that BZP acts as a gateway to harder drugs such as P in more direct ways. “The mixture of BZP or piperazines that make up a party pill are specifically designed to mimic the effects of methamphetamine - that’s the chemical facts of it,” Dean says. She has also gathered anecdotal evidence to back up her claim. She told Critic the story of an exaddict who started taking BZP when a party pill store opened in their home town. “They have now gone back to full-blown addiction because BZP was available. They started taking it by mouth, and then they started shooting it, and now they’ve gone back to whatever it was that they were addicted to.”

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Proponents of BZP argue that party pills are a gateway away from harder drugs. Matt Bowden, chairman of the Social Tonics Association of New Zealand (STANZ), says that research from Massey University shows that “about 50 or 60 000 voting age kiwis quit using illegal party drugs after they started taking party pills. . . . It’s phenomenal, the number of people who have quit using dangerous illegal drugs like amphetamines. . . . We’ve had no ecstasy deaths for about five years in a row, we used to have them every year.”

Dean says she also has anecdotal evidence to suggest that party pill stores are “centres for other drugs,” citing the example of an owner of a shop in Oamaru who was convicted for possession of cannabis. Bowden says that no party pill outlet has ever been prosecuted for trafficking in illegal drugs.

Bowden calls alcohol “the number one gateway drug,” and Dean accepts that most reports of serious BZP side-effects come when users combine BZP with alcohol and other drugs. However, she says that, “Alcohol is controlled in a certain way to minimise the harm to the population, as is tobacco,” and she recently voted against raising the drinking age back up to twenty.

While Dean’s campaign against BZP started in her home electorate, she says that people around the country are growing increasingly concerned about the drug. “I’d have to say that there are differences in attitude towards BZP in different parts of NZ,” she says. “In Auckland they seem to accept it much more widely. ...

They seem to accept that it’s quite acceptable to have drugs freely available ... whereas down south here we’re slightly more conservative.”

ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

Bowden would agree with this analysis, but points out that the presentation rate at hospitals for BZP side-effects is 70 times higher per capita in Christchurch than in Auckland, where party pill outlets follow a voluntary code of practice. “When you ban things you make them more dangerous,” he warns. “If you regulate instead you make things safer.”

Dean has reviewed the results of four studies on BZP commissioned by Minister of Drug Policy Jim Anderton. “The one in particular that really triggered me to call for a ban rather than tighter restrictions was the study undertaken in Wellington [by the Medical Research Institute of New Zealand], which was suspended halfway through because the person conducting the study grew so concerned at the effects he was seeing BZP having on the subjects of the study. . . . He was so concerned that he ethically couldn’t continue with the trial.”

“One of the findings was that, particularly with poly drug use - which seems to normally be a mixture of alcohol BZP and cannabis - the bad side effects are unpredictable, and vary between person to person [and] between doses.” Dean says.

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NEWS

Hutchinson Hearts Bogans A

my Joseph from Otago’s Critic magazine spoke to Dr. Paul Hutchison, National Party Spokesperson for Tertiary Education and Science Research and Development, about the state of tertiary education in New Zealand – and, of course, that bogan study.

Hutchison created a minor storm recently when he questioned the value of a major grant from the Tertiary Education Committee to support Waikato University Doctoral candidate Dave Snell in his research into bogan culture. In a press release, Hutchison said, “The public can have little faith in a bureaucracy that approves research like this.”

However, he insists that “I didn’t speak against it, I spoke out about it. I actually congratulated the guy, in fact I said ‘Good on him!’ for getting his grant. What I was speaking out about was that Michael Cullen had said when he announced the Top Doctoral Scholarships that they will underpin the transformation of the New Zealand knowledge economy. I was questioning, would a bogonology grant, including moshing and head banging, underpin the New Zealand knowledge economy.”

[Crown Research Institute] - went down from $63 million in 2004 and 2005 to $50 million in 2006 and 2007. Agriculture has underpinned our economy, [and] unless we have a mind for that, we’ll never have the money to fund the bogan studies.”

“I’m very aware, that if we are going to be a balanced, inquiring society, it’s very important to have excellence in research across the board, and that there is a place for the humanities and the social sciences in our prestigious funds. ... I guess the real question is, what’s the balance? And what are our end goals?”

Hutchison is also dubious of Labour’s spending in other areas of tertiary education.

He is still concerned over ‘soft courses,’ a key criticism of Labour in the 2005 election.

“I think we’ve seen a legacy of massive spending, soft courses, poor numbers actually getting through a qualification that gives them meaningful jobs. ... To address that, Labour has brought out the Tertiary Education Reforms. The theme of quality and relevance is appropriate, ... but the jury will be out as to whether they can achieve that and not get bogged down with bureaucracy and compliance costs. ...

So indeed the aspirations are right - they made the mess, can they get out of it?”

Hutchison feels that we need to be constantly questioning whether we have this balance right “in a climate where our economic growth has been such that we’ve been stuck in the lower half of the OECD, where [funding for] agricultural research - you know, New Zealand’s biggest CRI

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“I think that under Labour ... there’s been a creeping up of the social sciences and the humanities. Look, I’m all for them, I think they’re wonderful, but I think we’ve got to get the balance right in terms of just what we can afford. I think we can’t afford not to have them if we’re to have a balanced society.”

When asked if he is looking forward to seeing the results of Snell’s ‘bogonology,’ Hutchison said, “I’ll be fascinated. I’m looking forward to talking to him.”

ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

While National were pretty quiet on the day, Hutchison says that there is “no doubt” $9 Billion Debt Day was a significant milestone.

However, he doesn’t necessarily see student debt as a terrible thing, calling it “the price we’re paying for getting far greater access.

We’ve more than doubled the number of tertiary students in New Zealand in the last 15 years. I guess if we were a country that had far more sustained economic growth, were keeping up, we could afford to have better subsidisation. Although . ... the OECD analysis was that we actually support our students slightly better than other countries.

Now, I’m hugely aware of the fact that student allowances are a major problem, and that, in the New Zealand context, this sort of debt when you’re in your twenties, at a time when you may be wanting to buy a house and all these other things, can be pretty tough psychologically. I’ve been through an era when I have enjoyed the fact that I could get through without achieving a debt. I worked like hell all my summer holidays et cetera, and I didn’t have many overseas holidays except working ones.”

With National ten percent ahead of Labour in the polls, at 49 percent, Critic asked about the vibe in the National Party at the moment. Hutchison’s response was upbeat, if characteristically restrained. “You can imagine with the polls it’s [looking] good but we’re obviously cautious about it” he said. Nothing can be taken for granted. .... We’re optimistic we’ll get there, and the long-term aim, of course for us, is we’re utterly committed to education.” “ I myself would like to see National do perhaps what Helen Clark has done to the arts, but within the area of science research and development. I think there’s a great opportunity for us.”

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NEWS

Execution

By Joshua Drummond

T

his week’s meeting of the WSU Executive was perhaps the best ever, as it finished an hour earlier than usual. Unfortunately, Nexus chose this meeting to practise taking all its notes in shorthand.

Normally Nexus’ notes are merely misleading and covered in doodles. This time it looked like the doodles and misleading scribble had mated, producing hideous mutant offspring.

The room had changed layouts yet again, perhaps on the instructions of a malicious Feng Shui consultant. Nexus could practically feel the bad luck and evil spirits circling, carried in eddies and lurking in corners. Or maybe someone on the Exec had farted. Nexus suspects Katy Dimmendaal, for no other reason that they haven’t been singled out in this column yet. A poster up near the doors screamed “ARE YOU IN A SAME SEX RELATIONSHIP?” It’s one of those things that catches your eye when there’s nothing better to concentrate on, and every time you see it you hate it a little more. The most annoying thing about this particular poster is the smug look worn by the cartoon same-sex couple, as if to suggest that same-sex relationships are rife with nuances and awesomeness that staid heterosexuality somehow lacks. And maybe they are.

Someone – possibly Olivia Beattie, Nexus forgets – has set up a roster for the Executive to use when submitting stuff for the Nexus pages.

The planned Solomon Islands fundraiser for has been postponed until 19 May. Volunteers are sought for barbequing. Due to the atrocious shorthand, Nexus isn’t sure if this refers to people to help with the barbeque, or people to be barbequed. Disabilities Officer Jef Horks, who has been complaining about Nexus spelling his name wrong in previous articles, at this point gave Nexus a wonderful smile of solidarity – or perhaps of superiority. You can never tell with Jef. Exec member James Greenless brought up the important matter of getting waxed. It appears that James is eager to shed some of his voluminous body hair, and wanted to get waxed for the launch of Thursdays in Black, which is a campaign against rape and violence.

Nexus didn’t see the connection, and neither did President Sehai, who queried “How is awareness about Thursdays in Black spread by this man getting waxed?” This kicked off a mass debate.

Nexus’ attention wandered as the Executive mass debated itself.

Everyone got in on the mass debate, even the women – student politicians are natural mass debaters. It didn’t look all that fun. The best mass debater is probably President Sehai, though. No one mass debates like the President. She slapped the table for order as the mass debate got messy, and shouted, “Order, order!” The mass debating ceased, the Exec red-faced and breathing heavily.

Turns out there is a meeting of the Cultural Committee, whatever that is, on the 9th. People pretended to care, but didn’t really.

And on that bombshell, the meeting ended mercifully early.

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ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

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NEWS

Haiku News

By Drummond-san

Woman made false rape claim after jilted by lover

Finn ‘sick’ of PM grabbing music glory

In my country National sports are police rape And raping police

Neil thinks the PM’s all split ends Kiwi music’s now A Crowded House.

Auckland to get an extra seat in Parliament

Mt Cook glaciers ‘permanently damaged’ by climate change

Just what Auckland doesn’t need – even more political influence

Oh dear, it’s really quite sad All of that ice Was just a passing fad

Mothers and fathers equally likely to kill children - study

Australia water supplies below 30 per cent

Mum or Dad, it doesn’t matter Both are likely to Infant-batter.

Australia’s drying up Will the last one left Please turn off the taps?

NZ Post worker stalks customer

Government urged to tread carefully on house prices

After a life of problems social Seems this postie Just went postal

This expensive housing Makes renters the bearers of A landlord’s mortgage

Survey blows smoke up capes of activists

By John Milton A recent investigation into public perception of smoking, carried out over the last two years, has shaken the foundations of the anti-smoking movement.

The research, carried out by the Smoking Action Group, showed that smoking is becoming more and more popular among both the young and older demographics. This information surfaced during the recent scandals involving the group suppressing results of investigations that were unfavourable to its cause of banning smoking.

Statistics from several surveys showed that 74% of people aged between 15 and 22 answered that they thought smoking was cool, 69% also answered that smoking allowed them to progress socially. This is a stark contrast to the expected outcome of recent advertising campaigns to lower smoking rates, as well as the banning of smoking in the workplace,

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and bars or nightclubs. A bartender from the Jive Bar in New Plymouth observed “now that smoking is banned inside, everybody just goes out side to they can drink with their friends who smoke. Now instead of people asking if it’s okay to smoke at a table, people are asking if it’s okay to join the group if they are a non-smoker. Most people just taking up smoking to avoid the embarrassment.”

Nexus interviewed local behavioural psychologist Dr. Jason Oakden, who specialises in group behaviour and acceptance:

N: So you think this is a matter of just being a part of a support group as opposed to a desire to be cool?

DO: To a degree yes, but the cool factor is definitely there. I mean, how cool is smoking?

Have you seen John Travolta in Pulp Fiction?

People can identify that, and want to emulate both the look and also the death-defying attitude. And who can blame them?

N: Kind of like a big ‘Fuck you, cancer!’

DO: <Laughter> Kind of, yes.

Nexus: What was your first reaction when you heard about the rising trend in smoking?”

N: <Laughter> Well thank you for your time, Dr Oakden. I am late for a lecture now.

Dr Oakden: I wasn’t too surprised, to be honest. The amount of pressure on smokers has created a need for solidarity, and has fostered a bond that lot of nonsmokers wish they could partake in.

DO: Thank you and all the best.

ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

Everyone: <Lights up a cigarette>

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Lettuce

Lettuce policy

Nexus loves it when you give it some attention via the Lettuce page. We want to hear about your thoughts, views and opinions on anything so don’t be afraid to put down your words and send them to nexus@waikato.ac.nz. We’d appreciate the letters before Tuesday 5 PM but you’re more than welcome to send letters whenever you’d like. The best letter will win a $5 Voucher from Campus Kiosk, located at the Cowshed.

Letter of the Week I was reading your article about Marijuana and came across the mentioning of seriously bad techno??? now i gotta ask what is up with that. its really cracks me up to hear that.

Techno is like MEAN! haha you cant mock it, its so euphoric, crazy and has a lot of feeling in it but to you then most of it is just a random beat and some sounds, please i advise you guys to actually sit listen to some techno and really get what it is all about... lol probably seems like a funny crazy ass email but yea techno and me go hand in hand and yes i have been to amsterdam last year and man is it awesome.

From Techno-Dude! lol Come claim your $5 Campus Kiosk voucher from Nexus, lol!

The Battle of the Pseudonyms continues...

so should consider alternatives when they can) actually the bloody point I was making?

Yes it was. So your “argument” boils down to “Lots of people drive, especially me. And also, the carparks should be less full.” Okay, Burnout Queen. Don’t change your habits on account of helping the planet, reducing C02 emissions, saving parking spaces or even common sense. Keep doing what you’re doing. I’m pretty sure that doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result is the textbook definition of stupidity.

You know, people like you are the reason I’m kind of looking forward to the coming oil crisis. Seeing you walking everywhere on your under-used legs and wondering why it all happened will be almost worth the total breakdown of society because we all abused the greatest energy bonanza in history – fossil fuels. Watch An Inconvienient Truth, read something that isn’t a car magazine, and stop being such a bloody moron.

On your bike.

Mr Safety Bigglesworth

Maori reps vanish into the Nexus vacuum?

Dear Nexus

To Burnout King, It seems my war against stupidity is doomed to fail, judging by your recent letter. I made the point that if you didn’t want to wind up parking on the verge (and being clamped) you should consider alternatives to driving. Common sense, I thought. Thank you for pointing out my error. I quote: “As I said, lots of people drive, represented by the enormous amount of cars present here every day, you can’t argue the numbers.”

Well done. Argument over. QED. Hold on, wasn’t the fact that lots of people drive (and

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To our two phantom Maori reps… this is the last time I waste my opportunity to vote. I read your contributions in NEXUS for the first couple of weeks and then...? What sort of excuses are you coming up with not to write a paragraph or two? There are two of you aren’t there? Just not good enough. Is it my responsibility to chase you up about where Maori is at on campus, or is it too rash of me to think that my elected representatives will not be responsible enough to keep me informed or at least say something in Nexus? So whuddaya gonna do – respond or ignore? Nexus out!

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Nexus welcomes your letters and encourages debate through the lettuce page, just keep it under 250 words. Letters must be received by 5 PM Tuesday, no later. Letters may be edited for sense, length and/or legal reasons. Psuedonyms are welcome but you must also include your real name and contact details (don’t worry, they won’t be printed). We discourage the use of psuedonyms on serious letters.

p.s. get the hint? write in: ‘nexus, nexus, nexus’ Signed, Miffed Maori (M n M) Ed: After much consultation with the WSU and students, the format of the WSU pages has changed. That’s probably why you didn’t hear from your Maori reps last week, as not every single member of the exec is profiled in every issue now.

And now, on to the crazy shit To the editor, It is well-known that the agents of oppression hate the broadcast media for its ability to destroy tyranny and break the chains of servitude which hold the oppressed people in bondage.

On the other hand, oppressive regimes love the print media because it is easy to control and manipulate in order to drive the stake of capitalist terror deeper into the hearts of the people.

Only those of us whose consciousnesses are free from the hegemonic domination that infects the population at large can see the truth about your magazine.

We can see that you openly invite the accusation that you are ‘leftists’, that you are ‘feminists’, that you are ‘communists’, because that accusation itself veils your true reactionary nature.

J’Accuse! You are nothing but the mouthpiece of the conspiracy of capital that even now undermines the flowering to complete humanity of the students!

Meanwhile, Contact FM, the true

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LETTUCE voice of freedom, is gagged by a power-hungry executive who are intent on silencing the people!

that men like the women before them, do not raise sexual harassment concerns because they have no agency to do so?

Paul Simpson

We say Free Contact! We say Free Nexus!

Let them be released from the yoke of the imperialist arch-counter-revolutionary contra-emancipatory Sehai Orgad!

Furthermore the amount of men struggling as single parents has grown considerably. If there is no clean and safe place to feed your baby; Editor, then where the hell are single- parentmen supposed to do it! As the father of a daughter I struggle to make ends meet. For you women out there enjoying the privacy of your own comfy little retreat think about the money you are taking away from those like myself, and from every other parent at this University who works damn hard to afford to study. Robbing food from the mouths of babes!

Dear Editor

Signed, Marxist Vanguard for a Free Student Media

Women are fucking bitches Dear Editor This week’s editorial was so insulting and patronizing it is hard to know whether or not it should be dignified with a response. But ill give it a go....

First of all the question should be asked whether or not a women’s room should even exist in the University of Waikato today? The editor’s justification for this appalling waste of our money was put down to the fact that men were rapist’s, that assault and harassment were prevalent thirty years ago, and that a clean and safe place was needed to breastfeed.

Fast forward to the real world 30 years later where women are becoming over represented at universities, and when political correctness has gone from the sublime to the downright dangerous. Any one who has ever survived a sociology paper will know that most men would have to castrate themselves to receive an A in any of New Zealand’s universities.

Women’s studies, women’s officers, women’s room’s…… have you ever considered

My proposition is that you turn this ridiculous waste of our resources into a child care room with breast feeding cubicles, if such a facility is already provided by the university, by your own admission Editor it is not clean enough.

Secondly the position of men’s issues officer should be created in response to the way in which impartial academia and university newspapers have been soiled by political correctness and right wing feminism, in order to give back agency to the men on this campus.

This week’s editorial reflects the views of extreme feminism and makes no attempt whatsoever to provide a fair and balanced argument. In response I can only ask that since the student union and the editor of Nexus have made no attempt to understand the issues of men on campus, that they demonstrate some degree of impartiality and print this letter. One can only hope that in the future a forum will be provided for men to raise their issues in Nexus, and on campus.

CITIZENS’ ADVICE BUREAU

He needs a will Joshua was left a bit of money by his great aunt. After paying his fees, there was little over and he wondered what would happen to it if something happened to him and he died.

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 11am – 2pm daily during semesters or phone 838 4466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB. By the way, if you die without a will, it can take a long time to sort things out and the results may not be what you would wish. It need not cost money to make one and it should be regularly reviewed and updated if necessary. If you type ‘making a will’ into Google, there are many websites that are helpful.

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People who drink alcohol are fucking bitches After reading this weeks poll im appalled at the number of students who believed it better that cannabis should remain illegal. I can only assume that many are blissfully unaware of the fact that alcohol kills more people world wide than all other drugs combined and that there hasn’t been a single recordable death from cannabis ever! This is coupled with the fact that cannabis is often more affordable for those in the lower income strata than alcohol and even though the drug is safer in many respects, are screwed by a legal system with no sympathy for those who use the drug. Meanwhile alcohol continues to kill hundreds of New Zealanders in consumption, accidents and assaults, as our state drug dealer collects taxes from us.

You should be ashamed of yourselves!

Paul Simpson Ed: Getting printed twice in one week is quite an achievement, Paul. Well done.

Not enough talk Dear editor, I’ve been wondering if there are places on campus to discuss and talk about campus issues, aside from student meetings and the nexus lettuce pages. It’s good to get peoples opinoins through nexus but any kind of discussion and stuff gets lost because it’s slow to reply, length of replies and frequency and all that.

If there are any places where people can regularly get together to discuss issues affecting our campus I’d really like to know as it means that we can try to understand different viewpoints and issues with our campus. What is happening with the student hub for example? What do students and staff alike think about it? What will the student hub actually be? Is it going to be a shopping and foodcourt during semesters?

Does that mean that during holidays that shops will close? Is the student hub really necessary and will it add any value to our campus, if there is value in it at all? These things would be really interesting to know about and discuss.

Thanks, Andrew Ed: You can always sign up to our internet forum at www.nexusmag.co.nz/forum

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COMICS

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ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

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Highlighting students’ fashion triumphs and disasters!

Hiii~! I’m back with some incredible photos of budding fashionistas on the University of Waikato campus!

This is a fine example of haute couture in brown with subtle references to James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause. The juxtaposition of national park ranger patches with the polo shirt collar sends shivers down my microchip. Nice to see a pale denim resurgence and great colour coordination with the shoes. The bedroom eyes are the icing on the cake. 7/10

Lacy layering can look so contrived sometimes but this girl has taken the ‘two tops for $20’ look to new fashion heights.

These jeans are a great fit and the hint of lemony lace around the décolletage reminds me of the kind of cake I like to eat. Lemony lace cake. What really makes this outfit though is her amazing teeth.

Just super! 8/10

Another fabulous example of how shutting your eyes can really make all the difference when it comes to setting off your outfit. This is what fab-bot calls the trickery-suit – as in, it looks like a suit, but if you look hard enough you’ll find that the jacket and pants don’t actually match.

The successful trickery-suit wearer experiences immense daily satisfaction from the knowledge that people think he’s wearing a suit, when really he isn’t. And this guy is no exception. He’s pulled off the suit and fooled everyone on campus. He’s about to explode with happiness and that’s why he had to shut his eyes. Because he looks so hot right now. 8/10

There are so many things happening here it’s difficult to know where to start. What fab-bot really wants to know is: is this man wearing boxers or Y-fronts? These look like the sort of sideburns one would expect from some sort of entrepreneur – they just scream “look out world; I’m going to create a really amazing company. Or at least organise some sort of beer-drinking society”. This man knows that carrying a Nexus magazine around is the hottest way to complete an outfit. And we love how the pen matches the writing under the Ford logo. Absolutely superb. 9/10

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Fab-bot loves monochromatics and this girl would be pushing my monochrome buttons if only she hadn’t included the stripey Speights beanie. She still looks gorgeous but I would have loved to see her stick with the black/white theme. That said, she is rocking those stovepipes like nothing I’ve ever seen! And you can never have too many stars on your chest. Hot stuff! 8/10

Like I said, monochrome is so hot right now. And this guy is working his monochrome mojo like nothing I’ve ever seen!!

Another fabulous example of headphone accessorisation – the single headphone casually strewn across his chest screams multi-tasking and fab-bot loves multi-tasking. All of my favourite interior designers are multi-taskers. Anyway, this is a hot hunk of man love right here. 9/10

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FEATURE

Playing Fair

In the middle of Fair Trade Fortnight, we wonder… how is the fair trade movement relevant to us?

T

he fair trade movement developed in the 1940s and 1950s, when religious groups and non-government organisations in developing countries began attempts to improve the livelihood of marginalised workers and producers to help them become more self-sufficient. The movement became more mainstream during the 1960s, when activists sought to find markets for products from nations who had been excluded from international trading arrangements due to political and religious reasons. However, by the 1980s the demand for fair trade items (which were mainly handicrafts) was diminishing, as everybody wanted hot leather couches and bowls of cocaine in their houses instead. Alternative trading organisations faced a dilemma at this point and so decided to turn their attention towards agricultural goods, such as tea, coffee, rice and the like.

Fast forward to the 21st century – while the most obvious face of fair trade in New Zealand remains the ever-loved Trade Aid stores, the movement itself has moved further in to the public consciousness than ever before. And some of the credit for the popularisation of fair trade has to be given to the rise of fair trade labelling initiatives, which enabled consumers to purchase fair trade products from retailers who might not normally stock such items.

Apparently, making a trip to the local fair trade outlet was too much of a hassle for the average consumer. And that’s why we can today find items like fair trade coffee clearly labelled in our local supermarket chain store. The International Fair Trade Certification Mark was launched in 2002 and this further increased the visibility of fair trade products on shop shelves.

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But this doesn’t entirely explain Western society’s increased interest in fair trade products. Is it just about clear labelling and the media’s attention to celebrities like Chris Martin from Coldplay and Bishop Bono, who spend most of their lives trying to make us feel guilty for the way that we spend our dollars? Are we just more aware of the consumptive nature of industrialised society and looking for ways to offset the damage?

Trade Aid customer Ella Wright says her reasons for buying fair trade are a combination of labelling, celebrity endorsement and her desire to make some sort of difference to developing countries.

‘It’s not like I go to Trade Aid purely because Thom Yorke made me feel guilty for eating chocolate which had been made from nonfair trade cocoa beans, but those sorts of advertisements definitely made an impact on me,’ she says. In that respect, Wright believes, celebrity support for the fair trade movement is making a noticeable difference. ‘ It might plant the first seed of thought in your head that gets you thinking more about what you’re actually buying, eating and wearing.’ Wright says it had never occurred to her that other people were suffering for her pleasure, until she saw an advertisement featuring Thom Yorke (lead singer of Radiohead) drenched in chocolate making reference to the exploitation and underpayment of the producers who supply the beans to traditional confectionary companies. ‘I kind of felt ashamed of myself,’ she admits. The feeling of guilt that she experienced, coupled with her desire to create action in her own life and change the way that she consumed products, led her to investigate fair trade further. Several ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

years later, she is a convert. While sourcing fair trade items is not always easy, where there is a fair trade product available she will always try to purchase that instead of another item. ‘When I have my morning coffee, I want to know that other people’s lives are improved by my consumption. I don’t want to keep people in poverty,’ Wright explains.

So is that what really happens when you buy fair trade? Suddenly people’s lives improve and instead of struggling to make ends meet they spend lots of time singing and dancing around their happy African village? Several independent studies have examined the impact of fair trade to see if it actually benefits disadvantaged workers and farmers. In 2002, Loraine Ronchi found that fair trading of coffee

In 2002, Loraine Ronchi found that fair trading of coffee in Costa Rica improved returns for farmers and “positively affected their quality of life”.

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FEATURE

A Fair Trade O.E?

in Costa Rica improved returns for farmers and “positively affected their quality of life”.

A year later, case studies of Latin American coffee producers conducted by Colorado State University revealed that fair trade “greatly improved” the well-being of coffee farmers and their communities, in a relatively short period of time. Similarly, Bolivian case studies positively impacts on coffee prices, strengthens producer organisations and increases their political influence. More recent studies have also shown that fair trade farmers experience a decrease in child mortality rates, and improvements in household food consumption and living conditions.

But fair trade also has its critics. Some economists have argued that fair trade acts to distort prices and is against the rules of supply and demand, while various French authors (the French have a lot to say about these sorts of things) have criticised the fair trade movement for not working to actively stop the unfair trade policies in the first instance and continuing to work within the system instead of trying to change it.

The popularisation and current trendiness which is associated with fair trade can also have its downside. Trade Aid Educational Speaker Bethwyn Littler points to companies like Nestle, who are currently in court in the United States for exploiting from the Ivory Coast in the production of chocolate products at the same time as they are releasing a new ‘fair trade’ chocolate. While for some corporations, fair trade looks like an attractive marketing technique, Littler says ‘Trade Aid can be relied upon to provide sustainable income for the artisans WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

and producers who make the products we sell’. So, buying that packet of supposedly fair trade coffee from The Warehouse isn’t necessarily going to do the same sort of good for struggling producers as buying from a distributor like Trade Aid then? ‘I wouldn’t buy free trade items from The Warehouse if you paid me’, says Wright. ‘Maybe they’re stocking some fair trade coffee but how many children were exploited in the making of those rugs down the back of the shop?’

Indeed, Littler believes that organisations like Trade Aid can provide more benefits to producers than multi-national corporations.

‘Fair trade can mean the difference between a coffee grower having income, or being run off their family coffee farm,’ she argues.

Indeed, the recent popularisation of fair trade has resulted in Trade Aid being able to make a profit which they then send back in to the communities who were paid for their products in the first instance. This money is then used within these communities for a variety of projects, such as homeless child intervention schemes and the rebuilding of fishing boats destroyed by the 2004 tsunami in Sri Lanka.

Littler is encouraging people to head down to Trade Aid this Saturday 12th May to join in the celebrations for World Fair Trade Day. Members of the Trade Aid trust will be available to talk to you about fair trade, how it impacts on societies around the world and how you can support fair trade initiatives in your own community. And there will also be free cups of tea, coffee, hot chocolate home-baking treats (all made from fair trade ingredients, of course).

ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

So, apparently the new hot thing in overseas travel is The Ethical O.E – where you take off out of the country like any other young New Zealander, anxious to see the world. Except, instead of heading to London where you squat with 15 other Kiwis, Australians and South Africans and spend two years pissed out of your mind, you actually go on an exciting adventure that is educational for you and beneficial to the communities you encounter.

Oxfam Adventure Challenges Intrepid journeys for a just cause – cycle or trek overseas for 10-12 days to help overcome poverty and injustice. Guides from Intrepid Journeys will lead you as you cycle through the Himalayan foothills and Tiger Leaping Gorge to the legendary Shangri-La, or follow an ancient Inca trail through the Peruvian Andes to the lost city of Machu Picchu.

For more details, go to www.oxfam.org.nz

Trade Aid Educational Study Tours An opportunity to see for yourself the real meaning of fair trade. Meet the people who make the products, see the natural resources which lend themselves to production of fair trade items, experience the culture and see how fair trade benefits communities.

Coffee tours can be experienced in Central or South America and Ethiopia, and traidcraft tours head to Cuba, India, South Africa and South East Asia.

For more info head to www.tradeaid.org.nz

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FEATURE

Sleeping your worries away

By Matt Scheurich

W

hen informing some of my friends that I’d be attending Hypnotherapy sessions, a few of the responses I got were all wildly misinformed remarks about “clucking like a chicken”, “being weak-minded” and being hypnotised to do things such as robbing banks, just from the snap of a finger.

“These stereotypes are very common. Often the only experience people have of hypnosis is seeing a stage hypnosis show, or seeing an old B grade movie where someone is ‘hypnotised’ then told to go and shoot the President,” says Dave Cadd, a local hypnotherapist whom I visited for my sessions. “When you are in hypnosis you are always in control of your mind. You accept suggestions or reject any that you don’t agree with.” Dave says that it is a common misconception that only “weak-minded people” can be hypnotised.

According to Dave, being “strong-minded” is no obstacle to experiencing hypnosis.

“The key here is the person wanting to experience it, for whatever reason.”

These stereotypes are mainly based on stage hypnosis, which is a semi-related but completely different entity in itself.

Stage hypnosis is to do with the spectacle; hypnotherapy is a process which enables self-improvement in a stress-free environ.

whereby the process of hypnosis is utilised to help individuals with various mental challenges such as stress, anxiety, phobias, chronic pain, quitting addictive substances, and so on. Hypnotherapy can also help improve your self-confidence and give you the boost that you need in order to really propel yourself into the right mindset to get on comfortably with your life. The use of ‘triggers’ aids in the process of confronting issues which impede your quality of life.

Dave says that the use of hypnosis in a therapeutic setting allows for problem behaviours and thinking patterns to be

changed rapidly and believes, in this respect, hypnotherapy can be effective as a treatment on its own, although it is also complimentary to other therapies. “If we take stress for example; a lot of time can be spent identifying what surface problems are as a result of stress and what triggers stress in an individual,” Dave says. “Hypnosis works quickly and effectively by teaching you mechanisms that relieve stress, relax you and improve your confidence, self esteem and ability to cope under pressure.” Dave says this can lead to a reduction in stress-related problems which may manifest as headaches, anger, lethargy and poor concentration.

Dave explained to me that the mind is comprised of three parts: the conscious mind, being the part that you can distinctly control; the subconscious, which works in the background and defines your habitual motions (from breathing to even the compulsion to go to the toilet when you wake up); and the

“Hypnosis works quickly and effectively by teaching you mechanisms that relieve stress, relax you and improve your confidence, self esteem and ability to cope under pressure.”

DAVE CADD

Hypnotherapy is a form of natural therapy

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FEATURE critical factor, which works as a gateway to the subconscious, blocking any attempt to reprogramme your existing habitual happenings.

The critical factor represents that very stubborn part of the mind which can often stop you from learning and unlearning particular habitual behaviours, such as trying to change a daily ritual, quitting smoking, fears and phobias. For example, someone who is disorganised and wishes to change that aspect about themselves may find that initial efforts in being organised experience lukewarm results as the mind resists change. Dave says that “once any behaviour or thinking pattern becomes a habit, it becomes an automatic response.” If the information that you’re trying to store in the subconcious conflicts with the information already stored there, the critical factor will often prevent it.

“Often someone with a habit that they want to change will say, ‘I know I shouldn’t do it, but I can’t help myself, sometimes I just do it

doctor who would probably just give you a generic pill for certain problems). In order to best understand your problem, and also determine the most effective means by which to hypnotise you, the hypnotherapist talk to you for about two hours in the first session.

The hypnotherapist can then tailor a therapy to suit your needs and help you “train” to achieve a deeper state of hypnosis, which inevitably makes the hypnotherapy more effective. I was given a CD with recordings designed to help me relax and build up my “hypnosis experience”.

I must admit, I wasn’t quite diligent enough to keep up the daily exercise until our next appointment (the more you practice, the better you get) but I had done it a couple times and already started to feel some results – I can only imagine how much more effective the hypnosis would have been had I kept up with the exercise throughout the week.

Dave explained to me that the relaxation

senses you’re significantly under, they start suggesting positive situations and affirmations, which you can choose to accept... or not.

The power of you This is the main aspect of hypnotherapy which kind of stiffs those people who are looking for the “one pill to rule them all” cure; hypnotherapy will only work if you make it work. That idea puts some people off, but only the ones who didn’t really want to get over their problems in the first place. It’s not kindergarten here, boys and girls – if you want to get over your problems then you’re going to have to make an effort to do so.

A hypnotherapist will give you suggestions and relate hypothetical situations in which you can imagine easily and competently handling whatever issues you are struggling with. If you don’t agree with what they are saying, or you don’t accept them, then

Hypnotherapy will only work if you make it work. That idea puts some people off, but only the ones who didn’t really want to get over their problems in the first place. automatically’,” Dave says. “When you are in hypnosis, this critical factor is bypassed and this allows the Hypnotherapist to present suggestions directly to the subconscious mind, to eliminate the chosen behaviour. It’s a bit like that spell check function that insists on re-spelling organisation with a Z. Talk directly to the spell check programme and you can change it. Otherwise it will just keep changing the S to a Z and you have to remember to consciously make the change each time.”

I hadn’t had much too experience with hypnosis, nor did I know much about it when I visited Dave for my first visit. All I knew is that about ten years back my Dad used it to quit smoking and that Kenny Craig from Little Britain was a funny sketch. What better way to learn than by diving right in?

You are getting sleepy...

My first appointment for hypnotherapy started with just talking – I wasn’t hypnotised at all!

Hypnotherapists seem to understand that people are individuals and won’t necessarily be wired up the same as others (unlike a

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exercise is provided because sometimes just helping people deal with stress can solve a lot of their problems. He mentioned that stress leads to tension, tension can lead to things such as anxiety and depression, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering. Or maybe that was Yoda. Nevertheless, being able to remove the adverse effects of stress sounded good to me. It also made me introspectively aware to the fact that people need to be taught how to relax and I was startled to learn that such a basic human concept could be so easily lost in an over-stimulating world such as ours. The key to handling stress is relaxing. So relax already!

Once I came in for the second session, Dave had a plan for my problem. Y’see, I’m not all that organised. I also find I can be easily distracted, what with all the pretty lights and colours in the internet and real world. I needed to focus more on the important tasks at hand, such as work... and actually getting to sleep. When I finally attained that state of being hypnotised, it was like plunging deeper and deeper into a black void and the sense of relaxation was very comfortable. Once the hypnotherapist

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that can somewhat impede the process.

In essence, hypnotherapy is merely a step towards realising the true power of the human mind and helping you to overcome whatever problems may have afflicted you, so you are able to easily get on with your life - if that’s what you desire. It’s about as much re-programming your brain as continually thumping in positive affirmations to yourself, but without that pesky critical factor making things difficult and tedious. Hypnotherapy can be seen as a short cut which may have fantastic long-term effects, and it can work; I managed to sit down and concentrate on writing this article without being distracted by Final Fantasy XII playing in the background. But now that I’m done, I can go level up my characters.

If you are interested in pursuing hypnotherapy, Dave Cadd has a student rate of $40 per session. Give him a call on 07 852 5385 or email davevix@xtra.co.nz. He’s also open to answering any queries about hypnosis or hypnotherapy that you may have.

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Ground floor, Student Union Building, University of Waikato, Gate One, Knighton Road, Hamilton Mon-Fri: 8:30AM – 4:30 PM Phone: 07 856 9139 Fax: 07 856 3161

www.wsu.org.nz

Overview SGM to be Tele-Linked to Tauranga Campus It is important for us that our whanau studying at the Tauranga campus have the opportunity to participate in this meeting, especially since the Tauranga student’s representative position is up for grabs.

The SGM is scheduled for Wednesday 23rd May, 1-2pm and will take place in L1 as this is where the magic of video conferencing happens and if you are in Tauranga this will be transmitted to UWTB.G.26.

Tauranga Rep: Basically your job is to act as a liaison between students at our Tauranga campus and the WSU. This is a unique position because as a satellite campus you do not have the day to day interaction with the rest of the WSU. Because of this, you will need to be motivated, innovative and committed to representing your students and making sure that WSU are aware of any issues that they may face. To do this role, you must be a student at the Tauranga campus and enrolled for B semester study.

Mature Students’ Officer: This exciting position involves representing all students over the age of 25. Now we know that you don’t want to admit it but there are a lot of us (yes me too) out there – we have the stats to prove it. You will ensure that the needs of these students are considered by the WSU and the University, and work to actively encourage and support mature students with their studies. To do this role, you must be enrolled for B semester study.

As reported last week, the process will be as follows: Nominations for each position will be called for on the day and all candidates will be given a chance to speak. Ballot papers will then be distributed and collected by WSU staff, and a simple majority will declare the winner.

Next week… GLBT officer and International Students’ officer.

If you have any questions about the SGM please feel free to contact me.

Moira Neho VICE PRESIDENT – vp@wsu.org.nz

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EVENT

Noho Marae It’s finally here!!

realistic an experience as possible without replicating the tourist experience.

The very first initiative focused on delivering quality New Zealand experiences for the international students at the University of Waikato.

The Noho Marae simply translated means marae stay. In this context, the initiative aims to give the participants in the Noho Marae an experience of what it is like to stay at a marae and experience Maori culture. In particular: • To give students a realistic experience of staying on a marae.

• To give students an informative, practical and realistic insight into Maori culture and language.

• To encourage students to feel comfortable and be “at home” within the Aotearoa cultural context.

• To add value to a students stay while they are in Aotearoa, and studying at the University of Waikato (UOW).

• To encourage students to share of their own cultures.

• To encourage meaningful interaction between domestic and international students.

The Noho Marae aims to offer participants a realistic marae stay and Maori cultural experience as articulated in section 2.0. The Noho Marae aims to be as

To do this, participants will be transported to a marae where they will spend one night and two days in a “live in” experience on a marae within the Waikato region.

Participants will learn aspects about the Maori culture and the marae in a realistic, informative and fun experience. The Noho Marae will encourage the sharing of cultures, perspectives and ways of doing things.

The Noho Marae will be an opportunity for students to experience Maori communal living, food and culture.

Participants will partake in a powhiri and understand the features of a marae.

They will learn language, songs, sayings, games and partake in a hangi meal.

A key element of this initiative is the forging of new relationships and friendships, creating a sense of familiarity with domestic students off campus, and in turn, allowing domestic students to learn from and appreciate international students and their experiences.

Sehai Orgad WSU PRESIDENT president@wsu.org.nz

Student Events Coming Up Lindon Puffin

Environment day

FRIDAY 11TH MAY 1-2PM At the Village Green Album release tour. Come support this wicked New Zealand performer! For more info contact: orientation@wsu.org.nz

WEDNESDAY 16TH MAY 8.30-10.30 am – Bike to Uni Breakfast 12noon-2pm – Village Green Get yourself a free brekkie, start your own vege garden, and find out how to do your bit for our environment.

For more info contact: environment@wsu.org.nz

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Solomon Islands Tsunami Fundraising Gala The Solomon Islands are still in a state of devastation after the magnitude 8.1 earthquake and tsunami that struck early in the morning of April 2nd. More than 40 people were killed, and thousands still remain homeless, living in makeshift tents and relying on outside aid for food and water. Relief agencies are having a difficult time getting aid to some of those who are suffering most due to few roads, poor communication, and the large number of islands that are affected. They need our help!!

Events Calendar Environment Day: May 16th. Stay tuned for more details. Any questions, email environment@wsu.org.nz Bike to Uni Breakfast: May 16th 8.3010.30am. Bike to uni between this time and get a free breakfast from the main bike stand outside the WSU building. Any questions, email environment@wsu.org.nz

And there is a way that you can help! The Solomon Islands community and WSU are hosting a gala to raise funds for the relief effort. The gala will be held on the 19th May, from 8am-12noon at Gate 2b, Waikato University. There are three ways that you can help out: 1) You can donate any unwanted goods, from clothes, to appliances, to household goods for the sale. Items can be dropped off at the WSU reception desk.

2) You (and your friends and family) are invited to come along on the day and support the relief fund by purchasing items on sale. There will be food and entertainment provided throughout the day, and you can meet Solly, the donated cow who will be going up for auction at the Frankton auctions.

3) If you have too much to drop off at the WSU desk, you can pack it all up in you car and purchase a carpark for $10 (trailers $20) and sell it yourself.

Please show your support for the Solomon Islands students on campus and in the community by helping out in any way that you can, and tell your friends and family about this important event.

SGM: May 23rd 1-2pm in L1. Any questions, email vp@wsu.org.nz NZ Music Month: Every Friday afternoon in May on the Village Green from around 1pm.

Any questions, email orientation@wsu.org.nz Student ball: Saturday, July 7th. Starts 8pm. Tickets at the WSU Office. Any questions, email orientation@wsu.org.nz Re-Orientation 07: July 9 till 15. Stretch now, details coming soon…. Any questions, email orientation@wsu.org.nz

For more information, please contact Olivia at campaigns@wsu.org.nz

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CLUBS

WSU SPOTLIGHT

ASKEW

Hamilton Halo Project

The mystery is solved! ASKEW stands for “to one side, not straight” and this is what the club is about, giving those people out there of ‘alternative’ sexual orientations a social support group which can provide relevant information and a space for people to feel comfortable with themselves.

Society as a whole has become more accepting of queer culture. But we still have a long way to go - one of the club members told me “I wouldn’t walk around holding my girlfriends hand,” mainly because she would be considering the feelings of others who might feel uncomfortable with this innocent display of affection towards ones partner.

One common misconception about GLBT culture is that if you go to a gay club, you will be hit on by someone of the same sex. I can report that this is untrue, no one hit on me and, for once, I was wearing shoes.

If you would like to contact ASKEW for more information their e-mail address is askew.waikato@gmail.com – they have a very popular mailing list which you might like to subscribe to as well.

Glen Delamare SPORT AND RECREATION OFFICER

For those of you environmentally inclined people, you might be interested in a project that Environment Waikato is embarking on. The HAMILTON HALO PROJECT is aimed at bringing the native Tui back into more central areas of Hamilton city. The area ‘halo’ encloses a 20km radius around the city. This area is required to encourage summer breeding. It involves pest control and plantings around the city and surrounding areas to make the environment more suited for breeding success. Bringing the Tui back into the area will increase biodiversity as more seeds, fruits and invertebraes will also follow. Pest control, currently in place, will help the survival rate of Tui’s, who have a low breeding rate.

The project may also see the release of the Bellbird into the area. Increased biodiversity represents a healthier environment. Even though we live in a city, we have the means to encourage the establishment of native species, instead of fragmenting their environment.

Introducing David West, Union Manager David West describes his job as “managing a bit of everything.”

As the new Waikato Students Union Manager, it’s West’s job to make sure people do their jobs.

“I make sure the staff of the WSU have support, the resources and the professional environment to deliver their objectives,” he said.

It works, West says, a bit like this: The WSU executive are a bit like the guardians of the WSU, which is made up of all the students at Waikato University.

They come up with ideas – like having an advocacy service. West’s job is to make

sure an advocacy service actually happens.

16 years in the police force as a constable should give West the skills he needs to manage the WSU. He’s also worked as a Youth Aid Officer and an injury prevention consultant with ACC, before going to Waikato University and acquiring a Bachelor of Social Science.

Now he’s at the WSU, West says he aims to “institute a culture of professionalism,” and quietly keep the WSU providing better

Get your Student Ball tickets from the WSU

$75.00 per person which includes 5 free drinks (alcoholic or not), nibbles, and a great night with your friends!

The theme is 1920s so think, pinstripe suits, mafia gangsters, feather boas and flapper girls (no not slappers, go google it).

There will be spot prizes on the night so make sure you dress up because we will be!!!

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Notices Accomodation Female flatmate wanted to join 4 occupants in 5 bedroom house. $150 p/w includes rent, power, food. 5min walk to uni. Txt Kent 0273336777 or Stephen 0272593867 Flatmate Wanted: 4 bedroom house, share with 2 fun girls & one guy. $94 per wk (excluding expenses). SWIMMING POOL, 2 living areas. Close to uni, Knighton Rd. Phone or text Dan on 0273169469 or Chris on 0276006338. Room avail asap.

6+ rooms at a sunny flat in Hamilton East. 2 minute walk to necessities (e.g. Liquorland and McDonald’s). 15 minute walk to uni. All but one flatmate goes to uni. $110 gets you a room which is fully furnished. 2 showers, 2 lounges with sky digital in both, broadband in every room, unlimited hot water, dishwasher, airconditioning. Your rent also includes phone and electricity so there is no mucking around sorting out bills. There are 2 rooms available so get in quick for your choice of room. Male or female, 1822 years old please. If this sounds like your dream flat then please gimme a text asap 0272128710.

Flatmate wanted: On Charlemont St, close to town, shops, Wintec, bus. No bond, $100/wk inc power&phone. Broadband extra.

Quiet location, off street parking.

Share with uni student, and working/wintec couple, midearly 20s. Couples ok. Suitable for anyone, please tell your friends! Avail immediately. Phone 8391080 or 021 1473965 Room available: $120 per week, includes power, wireless broadband

internet, cleaning products. 5 bedroom house with large rooms, 3 bathrooms, double garage and massive living room. 4 existing flat mates all laidback and friendly.

Looking for anyone between 18 and 25 years old. For more information text Nicky 0272822620, or call 8569927.

Round-the-Town Scavenger Hunt.

Saturday 19 May, 2.45pm at Bahama Hut. Up to $500 in bar tabs, plus heaps of other prizes to be won! Find a team of 4 and email your names to barbiclub@ gmail.com. Entry $1 per person.

For more info email us, or look for our posters around campus...

Flatmate wanted to confirm by mid-May and move in circa June 22. Preferably male 20-24yrs to live with 4 other uni students; 3 girls 1 guy. Spacious house, 2 bathrooms and off-street parking.

Costs $128 including rent, power, phone, wireless broadband, sky digital and food. Cooking and cleaning on a roster basis. Must be easy going and good for a laugh.

Contact by text Leah 027 312 1634 or Arna 021 039 3674.

Unity Dance Classes on Campus Mondays 9-9.50am warm up & stretch class.

Tuesdays 4.30-5.30pm introductory contemporary dance.

Thursdays 9-10.30am contemporary dance technique.

Wednesday 9th May 1-2pm FREE open Hip Hop workshop with Stephen Gray from Fusion Dance.

Wednesday 16th May 1-2pm FREE open Capoeira workshop with Josh

Moreland from Capoeira Pasifika.

Wednesday workshops supported

by The Cultural Committee - Te Ohu Tauahurea.

Wanted CAR WANTED TO BUY Needed now, prefer a manual, cheap to run, needs to be reliable (got to make it to wanganui), between $1000 - $1750.

Contact claire on 0274266996 or cjm63@waikato.ac.nz Your Opinion: Let us know what you think of the new WSU pages.

We’ve changed things up a bit and hope that you’ll like it! We also want to hear if you have any suggestions for us as your student executive. Email: wsu@wsu.org.nz

One male and one kitten require a creative and interesting flatmate for their home in Hamilton East. $125 per week + exp. Please phone/txt Allistair 027 668 750.

Flatmate Wanted: Nice modern home in Hillcrest. Near to shops and medical centre. 12min walk to uni. Established flat. $83 per week including power, phone and wireless. 5 exsisting 2nd and 3rd year students. Room avail now for the rest of year. call 8591154 of text 0274284251.

Situations Vacant Wanted: Volunteers for the Student Ball: We need as much help as we can get. If you’re interested in being a volunteer for this event please contact Moira: vp@wsu.org.nz

Public Events / Meetings The UoW BBQ Club, in association with Bahama Hut, presents the

NOTICES ARE FREE FOR STUDENTS TO ADVERTISE WITH. SEND YOUR NOTICE TO NEXUS@WAIKATO.AC.NZ AND PLEASE KEEP IT SHORT AND SWEET. SENDING IT BEFORE TUESDAY 5 PM GUARANTEES THE NOTICE WILL HIT THE NEXT WEEK’S ISSUE. WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

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REDMAN SAYS

Hamilton’s sexiest mayor returns to titillate you with more tales of Hamilton City Council debauchery Last month, another whole lot of your fellow students graduated and embarked on their careers. Some of you will be graduates yourselves in October while others of you will return for another year or more to complete your studies. Either way, you’ll either be Hamilton residents for the best part of the year or sizing up the city as a potential place to live and work.

So with Council elections coming up in October, now is a great time to be getting more involved in how Hamilton takes shape and have your say about what you’d like to see in your city.

Opportunity for students to win free trip to Indonesia The Indonesian embassy in Wellington is sponsoring a writing contest for students aged 18-25 around New Zealand, with a top prize available for the three winning students to travel to Indonesia’s main attractions: Yogyakarta Jakarta and Bali. Contestants will be judged on an original 3000 word essay or story based one of the following themes: 1) What fascinates me most about Indonesia (people, events, places or objects) 2) Promoting the NZ-Indonesia relationship (economy, social-cultural, political or educational) 3) Why Indonesia is the place I would choose to visit (pleasure, business, study or journalism) 4) The importance of Indonesia to NZ and the Pacific region

Hamilton’s a youthful city so your voice is an important one.

Part of our strategy this year is to target youth voters – you – to make sure your experience of Hamilton is what you want it to be. Voting in our elections is a great way of making sure your voice is heard. Enrol at www.elections.org.nz .

So if you’re wondering how we spend your money to make the city a better place for you to live, study and party in, the Hood Street redevelopment is a great example.

Many of you will be familiar with south-end Hamilton, particularly by night. This area is already a social hub with lots of bars, cafes and nightlife offerings, but it’s set to get even better. Current work on Hood Street is part of a major redevelopment to transform the street into a thriving social centre by day and night. Paving will link Hood Street to Victoria Street – the other main drag of Hamilton’s nightlife and café scene, there’ll be more seating installed, special lighting and the street itself will be geared towards foot traffic rather than vehicles.

You don’t have to wait for Council’s three-yearly elections to roll around to get your views aired though. There’s already a dedicated group of your peers in the Youth Council working on your behalf throughout each year. Youth Council gets involved in a number of issues and events and can talk to Council and other executive committees directly on your behalf. So if you have any issues, ideas or queries about anything, they’re a great mechanism to get your voice heard. Find out more at www.hamilton.co.nz/youthcouncil .

Entry is free, however citizens of Indonesia are not permitted entry (because they kind of have an unfair advantage…) A panel of judges will decide on which three most eligible writers deserve the top prize – a ten day trip to Indonesia’s most enchanting locales, with airfares, accommodations, meals and local transport all paid. The trip is due in December 2007 and the only real catch is that the embassy will then have exclusive rights over all written works (but you won’t care at that point anyway, cos’ you’ll be living it up in Jakarta).

To submit your essay or story, send it with your full name, date of birth, address, contact number and name of the tertiary institute you attend before the 15th July 2007 to: Information and Cultural Affairs Embassy of Indonesia PO Box 3543 Wellington

Or you can drop us a line at nexusline@hcc.govt.nz and we’ll answer some of the questions submitted in the July edition of Nexus.

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Strange Location Names

By BlaiR NICHOLSON

Warning: some content may offend. You may not want to read if you are male or female, heterosexual or homosexual, white, black or Asian.

Big Bone Lick (Kentucky, US) Chinaman’s Knob (Australia) Cockland (Ohio, US) Condon (France) Herpes Village (France) Hicksville (New York, US) Little Dix Village (West Indies) Mount Buggery (Victoria, Australia) Mount Titlis (Switzerland) Muff (Northern Ireland)

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

Pennycomequick (Devon, UK) Pussy Creek (Ireland) Sexmoan (Luzon, Phillipines) Slut (Sweden) Twat Village (Orkney, Scotland) Virginville (Pennsylvania, US) Fucking (Austria) Wanker’s Corner (Oregon, US) Titty Ho (Northamptonshire, UK) Bald Knob (Arkansas, US)

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Ohhh! I spell name wrong last week, poor me! My spell-fu not good but I kick your ass great!

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AFRICA AMNESTY COFFEE COMMUNITY COUNTRIES ECONOMY ENVIRONMENT

EQUALITY FAIRTRADE FARMERS GLOBALISATION OPPRESSION ORGANIC ORGANISATION

I like to see the numbers all good!

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OXFAM POOR RICH RURAL THIRDWORLD TRADEAID WORLD

You draw line through boxes and not go in box with you draw line in it

Only skilful ninja can complete this!

Are you ninja?

Be first with crossword finish to Nexus and win dvd rental from Auteur House (555 Victoria St)! So good to touch!! write name below Ninja name: ninja email: Tick you like ninja dookie: Yes Yes I enjoy gravel!

YAIS NO! I would like to hear your voice and words to tell me thing. Send your love comment to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

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ISSUE 8 30 APRIL 2007

START/FINISH BOUNCE REFLECT TELEPORT

CANNOT GO BACK THRU block UNLESS REFLECT!

FOLLOW ARROW!

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COLUMNS

The Internet is for Porn

By Candice Bottomsworth Why on earth anyone would want to spend their days surrounded by the acrid odour of budgerigar guano is far beyond my comprehension; however, the fact remains that as theoretical ethnomethodologists (or, as a rather good friend of mine - who co-incidentally owns a chain of Marxist lesbian fetishwear stores – once remarked, as “armchair cultural critics”, an expression which I believe was targeted rather pointedly at the S&M department but which I good-naturedly accepted, rather as the black man has accepted ‘nigger’ or the homosexual has accepted ‘fag’) we should proceed in accordance with Gottfried Leibniz’s Principle, such that no phenomenon should be understood to occur without cause; ‘spontaneously’, as it were, ‘thrust into reality’ by a nothingness or a peculiar negation which is none the less not a negation in the sense that a negation still is ‘something’ and is not a priori itself incapable of causation.

Where should we begin to look for the reason behind the peculiar and singular urge to keep and breed small and irritating parrots whose only skills are to make a damned racket at all hours of the day and defecate profusely, filling any room with the disgusting odour of ammonia and birdseed? What deformation of the character requires one to keep such hideous animals? And what is the nature of the perversion of the sexual impulse that produces a mind infatuated with and aroused by the awkward and merely functional rubbing of cloaca upon cloaca? Any person of normal appetites can appreciate an occasional game with a large dog or small pony. I myself, as a young girl, often found my father’s Alsatian to be a tireless and willing companion.

But ‘budgies’, as they are known, are neither large enough to stimulate one directly, nor do they possess the symbolic power of, for example, the orchid flower or the tireless buck rabbit.

They are merely sparrows with paint applied – and at that, applied as if by a colour-blind ninety-seven year old with a case of Korsakoff’s even worse than Jackson Pollock’s.

Once again, Chuck and Benjo bring you a column packed full of fun, candy, laughter and other such things associated with paedophiles.

So, this week, we have decided to bring you our thoughts regarding this newfandangled thingamajig called the “International Network of Adult Material” or, as the kids of today call it, the “Internet”.

This network was created in 1967 initially as a backup-system by the “S.D.H.C”, the “Smack-Dat-Hoe-Collective”, which was a gathering of the most influential Sexual Service Distribution Agents (note: pimps) in the entire world, so that, in case society began to rise up against the humble whore then, at least, they will have a way of communicating and distributing adult material. This successfully continued until the leader, a Mr. Ralph De Mastermind, was imprisoned for soliciting, as well as for possession of a deadly weapon (which was later discovered by police not to be a gun but a large, black dildo).

In 1987, the S.D.H.C disbanded and a new initiative was created. This initiative was secretly run by the remaining members of the Collective who were not imprisoned or had succumbed to a drug-related death, as well as a group of young computer scientists calling themselves “G.E.E.K“, headed by a young gentleman named Gunn Hackery, known by many as “The Hack“. This network secretly and exclusively distributed pornographic material such as the immensely popular adult films The Ass Menagerie and Labia-rynth successfully up until, at a Christmas party, The Hack himself accidentally made this network public by inputting a series of codes and spinning around three times on the spot whilst singing show tunes from out of the side of his face The Hack would later head up an organisation called Hackrosoft which would become the creator and distributor of the most popular music player in the world; HackTunes.

One begins to suspect that the poor individual affected by the impulse to breed ‘budgies’ has a rather nasty case of what Freud (bless his pointy little beard) might call a ‘gyno-maxillo-follicular’ complex; in other words a complex formed when the young child gazes in fascinated horror at his or her mother’s moustache and becomes confused as to the gender of his mother,- a confusion which later takes the form of a fascination with colourful birds (representing the moustache) and their cloacal (i.e. sexless) mating habits.

I have no doubt that empirical investigation will show a clear correlation between the propensity towards budgie breeding and the amount of hair on the female parent’s upper lip. However, empirical study is of course the job of the more simple and workmanlike mind, and so I leave it for others to pursue.

To this day, the Internet is no longer under the control of anyone; it is a space where people can communicate freely and (relatively) safely. It is a space where men and women can chat without fear of rejection.

It is a space where the world (and adult material) can be shared.

Doesn’t that make you feel all fuzzy inside?

And that, dear readers, is how the Internet was created; by a group of horny geeks.

Next week: The National Party.

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ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

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COLUMNS

BY ISA

The wonders of baking soda That innocuous looking white powder used to bakes scones is actually the most useful substance in your house, soon to become your best friend. NaHCO3 is a fabulous allpurpose cleaning product, pest control, and deodoriser. Sodium bicarbonate is secretly the key ingredient in many expensive branded products. It provides an easy, cost-effective alternative to nasty and dangerous chemicals.

As a deodoriser baking soda you can be used to free the odious aromas from jars, just sprinkle half a teaspoon in, put the lid back on, give it a shake and leave it to stand for a few minutes. After rinsing you will notice the difference. It is also used in those expensive deodorising sprays you can use around the

house as it neutralises acid related smells, dissolve a tablespoon into a spray bottle of water and test it out. Apparently an open box left in the fridge will absorb odours. You could also try sprinkling it into smelly shoes.

As pest control it repels and kills fleas, sprinkle it in cupboard or bench crevices and around known ant paths or wash your dog in it. Use your handy dandy baking soda spray bottle with some added tea tree oil to repel flies. If you want to kill cockroaches make a trap by putting equal parts baking soda and icing sugar in a container lid.

This irresistible yet lethal bait is a beautiful reminder of the bittersweet nature of life.

As a cleaning product baking soda applied to a damp sponge is great for scrubbing, in my experience, it removes grease and grime better than many commercial cleaners. A

BY CHEF CYRIL

Carbonara Pasta is a great thing, it’s cheap, easy, full of fibre (to keep you regular) and there is an endless array of stuff that you can make out of it. But in the words of the late Ben Parker, “with great power comes great responsibility”. In other words, there’s a whole heap of stuff to learn.

Now you’ve probably tried at least 50 different combinations of spaghetti and tomato, so today I’m taking you outta that world, as far out as Ben Parker is dead. But before we strap in with Major Tom to fly to Carbonara land…we need a metaphor for ingredients… and the ingredients: Spaghetti 200 ml Cream ½ cup grated Cheese 1 Egg 3 slice Bacon Garlic White wine

50 c 75 c 50 c 20 c $1 steal it left over from last Saturday

First you need to chop up the bacon into tiny pieces. My advice for

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piece of tinfoil in the bottom of a sink of water combined with baking soda will effortlessly de-tarnish silver.

It can also be used as a fabric softener and to remove acid based stains like red wine, juice or coffee when applied immediately. You can use it to clean almost all the surfaces in the kitchen and bathroom, even use it to mop the floor by adding a few tablespoons to a bucket of hot water. Clean yourself by adding a handful to your bath or use it as a body scrub in the shower. You can even use it as a toothpaste. Now you can cut down your shopping bill by avoiding the cleaning isle and enjoy the peace of mind afforded by safe cleaning products.

this is a knife, a chopping board and the memory of that Christmas you didn’t get that cool red trike you wanted, the anger will take care of the rest. While you’re in a Viking berserker chopping state, get a friend to throw about two cloves of garlic into the flurry of knifes. This is both fun and needed for the recipe.

These both need to be fried, in either butter or olive oil. Don’t let the bacon get burnt, use a low heat. When it’s close to cooked pour in a splash of white wine, the local 18 year old booze hag should still have half a cask left. Keep on cooking this for a few minutes, the wine should reduce and go kinda brown.

Oh, I forgot to mention that you should have been cooking pasta during all this, both spaghetti and those twirly ones will do. Oh and it’s your fault for not knowing that I was going to tell you to do this.

While that is doing… that, break an egg in a bowl, season it and whisk. Add the cheese and cream. It will resemble vomit, only it won’t be on your wall or smell like Bacardi Breezers and Roofinex.

Once everything is ready (bacon, pasta, egg and sacrificial goat), you can mix it all in the pan you used for the bacon. Turn on the heat slightly to melt the cheese. Note also that this is the perfect time to say “is it getting hot in here?”, while unbuttoning your shirt.

Everyone in the room will think this is impressive and want to have your babies (might not work for guys…probably will work for girls).

Once this is all mixed and warm, you can eat it. right after you thank me and give me a 10 on www.hotornot.com .

For those who have read this far, I have a few extra suggestions. Look at the “photochop” page (page 4 of this issue of Nexus). After that try adding basil to the egg mixture (bruise it slightly in your hands and chop it roughly). Onions can be fried with the garlic and bacon. Parsley will go well in place of basil. And lastly, go to Kremlin Bar. It’s good there.

ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

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COLUMNS

By Burton C Bogan

By Joseph Ross

What would the band Slayer do?

Cricket World Cup Review

(sung to the tune of What would Brian Boitano do?)

As a tournament, the 2007 Cricket World Cup failed to live up to its hype. There was an excess of controversy during the tournament, teams failing to meet their expectations, and too many one-sided games.

What would the band Slayer do If they were here right now, They’d sacrifice a Rapper or two That’s what the band Slayer’d do.

When Kerry King was talking, to a Metal magazine He said he was the best guitarist That he had ever seen Jeff Hanneman he drank some schnapps and sixteen litres of beer He burped a mighty alcoholic belch That blew off Kerry’s hair So what would the band Slayer do If they were here today I’m sure they’d make a Christian stew That’s what the band Slayer’d do.

And what would the band Slayer do, If they could read this now They’d probably have a laugh or two That’s what the band Slayer’d do.

When Slayer was kidnapped By the evil man Saddam They escaped with time machine and liberated ‘Nam And when Slayer played in Cuba They wrestled Kim Jong Ill Cos Slayer don’t take shit from no commie bastard…

So lets all get together, And get tattoos on our head We’ll go and make Paul Hutchison spew, Cos that’s what the band Slayer’d do.

We won’t vote for the National party too Cos that’s what Slayer wouldn’t dooooo, That’s what Slayer wouldn’t do.

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The biggest upset of the World Cup came on St Patrick’s Day, when Ireland beat Pakistan. This shock result sent Ireland into the Super 8 stage of the tournament and meant the Pakistanis faced an early flight home. For them, worse was to come as their coach, Bob Woolmer, was murdered in a Jamaica hotel that night.

Bangladesh also made the Super 8s at the expense of India.

New Zealand has now made five World Cup semifinals, only to lose all of them and thus have never made the elusive final. The Sri Lankan team was all over us, causing a middle-order collapse of disastrous proportions. Our bowlers handed the Sri Lankan batsman too many cheap runs. The Sri Lankan team clearly had a psychological edge over the Black Caps, caused, amongst other things, by the match against Sri Lanka at Eden Park in January, when they were bowled out for a paltry 73, when chasing 263 for victory.

In all honesty though, the two best teams made the final.

Australia progressed through to the final with ridiculous ease, thrashing every team that stood in their way. Sri Lanka was the other form team and have several world class players. On their day, the brilliance of batsmen Sanath Jayasuriya and Kumar Sangakkara, along with bowlers Chaminda Vaas, Muttiah Muralitharan and Lasith Malinga are near impossible to counter.

Unfortunately for them, when it counted, Adam Gilchrist provided both the entertainment and his best knock of the tournament, walloping 149 off just 104 balls (at a strike-rate of 143). The opening-wicket partnership was worth 172 runs between Gilchrist and Matthew Hayden, and the Aussies made 281 for 4 off just 38 overs (the match was shortened due to inclement weather), meaning that the Sri Lankan batsman would have to come up with a perfect batting performance to be able to take the trophy home. The second-wicket partnership between Sangakkara and Jayasuriya looked likely, until both lost their wickets. The weather again turned nasty, and cut the innings down further, to 36 overs and introducing the Duckworth-Lewis system into the final. After 33 overs, Sri Lanka went off due to bad light, realizing that the World Cup was already lost. The Aussies began their celebrations only to be told by umpire Aleem Dar that the game was not over and they would have to come back the next day to bowl the remaining three overs. The umpires had it wrong-because more than 20 overs had been bowled, Duckworth-Lewis could have been applied again without bowling the last three overs. Sri Lanka came back out and faced the remaining three overs in conditions cricket should never be played. The situation was an absolute farce and it shows World Cup finals should never be played in a ground without floodlights.

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COLUMNS

By Jed Laundry On the last Saturday of the holidays, Dominoes Nawton ran a special: $4.90 unlimited pizzas before 5pm. Of course, no one has dinner that early, so at 4pm we called in the usual meatlovers and hawaiian order expecting to be eating around 4:30. Needless to say, the usual 5 or 6 people waiting for their orders turned into a massive crowd. The small store was literally overflowing with people, all hungry, all slightly upset because of the wait. The staff were completely overworked trying to keep up with the demand, all because someone decided the deal should expire at 5pm.

The world of technology is also full of useless restrictions, one of which is what we can do with the media we “own”. The acronym of the week is DRM, or Digital Rights Management. Basically, it means that other people control what you should be able to you with the music and video you buy. CDs are easy enough. You can copy them to tape to play in your shitty old car, rip them onto your computer and put them on your MP3 player of choice, or mix them and burn a new CD. You’re practically free to do whatever you like, the main reason myself and many others prefer to buy CDs.

But then when you go visit some online store to buy music, suddenly you’re restricted to what you can do with it. Buying from CokeTunes? Forget about transferring it directly to your iPod! Who cares that you can just burn the tracks to a CD and then rip them again using iTunes, protection free, they HAVE to sell them to you all locked up like.

Its a simple step-around to get things to do what you want, and yet the big scary lawyers at the RIAA still insist that DRM helps prevent “piracy” (right, murderous villains at sea are the same as poor teenagers). It creates a sense of false security for the music industry, and just creates confusion and frustration among consumers. The result? File sharing networks continue to flourish, simply because once a track is downloaded its just there, ready to play on whatever you decide to play it on.

But things are slowly changing. Smaller outlets like amplifier. co.nz have already caught onto the idea of unrestricted content, and major labels like EMI have announced plans to go DRMfree for a small increase in price. Meanwhile, I’ll keep on BitTorrenting and consuming my media the way I want to.

Agony Art

Nexus’s personal and relationship issues counsellor Dear Agony Art

Dear Agony Art

I’m having a little sexual problem. Well... actually it’s a big sexual problem. I can’t climax inside my girlfriend. I can do it fine, you know, by myself. But I can’t do it while I’m having sexual intercourse. What’s wrong with me!

I am thinking of dabbling in infidelity. How do you reckon I should go about this?

One in the Chamber

Dear Bored Housewife

Dear One in the Chamber What you are experiencing is the result of twenty years of teen movies, where the male comedic lead blows his load before even getting inside of his target. Now every man worth his salt spends all of his sexual energy trying not to finish before he starts. Psychologically, you’re terrified that not too far into your coital expedition, you’ll hear canned laughter and fall asleep. You’re going to keep rutting away, totally unable to ‘finish off’ for the rest of your life and you can only blame Hollywood comedic depictions of teenage sex. At the other end of the scale is you ‘finishing off’ in just a few seconds. There’s no cure for your condition that I know of. If a girl complains about your lack of climax, tell her to be thankful.

Her other option is three minutes of grunting and a sweaty nap.

Agony Art

I don’t recommend infidelity in any way. The best sex you’ll ever have is with someone who you love and love being around.

Sure, there is a brief feeling of excitement having sex with a new partner, but it’ll never ever match an intimate moment with the love of your life. That said, if you feel you truly must do the dirty on your partner, just go to the Outback, let some rugby player buy you a few RTDs and pretend to be drunker than you are. Then you’re away laughing. As long as you find Chlamydia funny.

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Bored Housewife

Got any questions for Agony Art? Send them in to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

GOTCHA!

Agony Art

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COLUMNS

with special guest Flash Medallion Hola, beautiful readers. This week, I, Flash Medallion, will be your guide to the Omega-dungeon of love in this crazy world of waiKato. Your usual numero-uno in all things sensual, Vitamin C, has been rendered unable to carry out this task due to spending a little too much time on the Green Magic.

And now, the entrée for this weeks’ three-course-meal of passion is tips on utilising the Wingman gambit. As any seasoned adventurer who has spent time at the spice-rack of lust will know, the gateway to a beautiful girls’ heart is through her insecurity. And who more insecure than a beautiful girl with truly ugly friends; surely this lusty pomegranate considers herself no greater than these lumpy pears from the bottom of the fruit basket of desire. Seducing this target, rich with the vitamins and amino-acids of pleasure, is a simple task in itself, but it takes a truly dedicated wingman to fend off the attacks of her enraged company. Vitamin C, a truly legendary wingman, is widely renowned for his bewildering array of battle-craft and diversionary techniques. I still recall the day when he alone held off four over-engorged females with a tale of his days as a dragon rider, while his companion completed his amorous quest in the toilets at the Loft. And the time he annihilated a beautiful girls’ ugly friend who was upset at being left out of the smorgasbord of pleasure; that was a truly powerful level twelve roundhouse kick.

I hope you are enjoying your meal of sensual sagacity as much as I am enjoying preparing the cheese sauce of vigorous pleasure, and that you will continue to join me as I pour it onto the cauliflower side-dish of date-rape. Not that I, Flash Medallion, condone such actions; on the contrary I am here to provide you with remedy. Sexy remedy. Sometimes, a particularly unattractive player may attempt to quest with you. You must be very careful; not too long ago Vitamin C was set upon by three such crones, and I’m talking level 50 ugly here. They had cast some form of unknown Magic on each of my twelve whiskeys, and I was under some kind of status that left me unaware of just how much levelling they had been doing in the ugly dungeon. Let’s just say that didn’t end well for me… err…Vitamin C… err… adios!

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If you have your own computer with an Internet connection you probably prefer to work from home. No getting harangued by tutors dominating the measly amount of FASS computers or fighting other students for that last computer in the Information Commons, and you can drink, smoke and play dark ambient music at loud volumes. The increasing amount of electronic resources also means there is no need to risk hernias carting piles of resources home, and is also useful if you do not have time to get to the Library before that deadline comes sneaking around the corner to smack you upside the head with a big IC. Online journals may make last minute essay writing easier, but it can still be enjoyable to sit down and leaf through a magazine to kill some time. The serials display on Level 1 gets updated weekly if you want to keep an eye out for something of interest.

We stock a wide array of well known titles such as Time and National Geographic. For all you Black Bloc kiddies we have Adbusters and for those with more of an “avant garde” taste in music you may want to check out Wire, a music magazine that covers such styles as post-rock and noise (& frequently includes sampler CDs). There has also been an increasing amount of graphic design journals coming in for those interested.

With the increase in electronic resources some have also predicated the demise of the traditional book; this is complete nonsense. In fact, the increase of electronic books has seen a corresponding rise in the appreciation of the art of books.

Some particularly fine examples of bookbinding can be found in Designer Bookbinders in North America and Pierre Ouvrard: Master Bookbinder (available here). Such elaborate and novel bookbinding is one way to express appreciation of a beloved book. However, given cost, this appreciation may mean merely finding an edition with a classy cover rather than some naff publishers design. At any rate, the majority of readers still prefer a tactile experience. One of the most tactile reading experiences would have to be Debord’s Memoires, which was bound in sandpaper causing it to damage any books shelved next to it, truly an inspired idea. While we do not have bindings as tactile as Memoires, we do have plenty of literature that is more portable and easier on the eyes than those cold computer screens.

ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

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Linden Puffin

BY CAPTAIN AHAB

L

indon Puffin is quite possibly the hardestworking man in Rock’n’Roll. and not in the “I work nine-tofive and then have Campbell Smith whinge on my behalf about me having to get a day job” sense. Puffin tours for weeks on end, pouring his very essence into each and every show in a hectic schedule of bookings that would make many modern touring bands soil their tight black jeans.

On top of the 100 or so shows he plays each year, he has recorded a couple of albums, produced a 90-minute documentary about his 108-stop tour of small-town New Zealand, supported Tenacious D, and found the time to take some rather striking press shots. He seems to have a genuine understanding

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of just how hard it is to make ends meet as a “professional” musician in New Zealand, and yet he has done it anyway.

This intensity comes through in the music, which invites stylistic comparisons to Crowded House, The Smiths and Bob Dylan. Beautiful command of melody, plain-speaking lyrical honesty and memorable choruses create a sense authenticity lacking from so many artists who claim to be in it “for the music”.

Not only is it evident that he enjoys making music – it is also clear that he is an extremely capable songwriter and performer. Subtlety is often the first victim of this kind of intensity, but that’s not the case in this instance.

The instrumentation is an interweaving of simple melodic lines which blend to form a driving, captivating sound which suits the impassioned vocal delivery which pushes out the words and leaves them hanging there.

Lindon Puffin has been touring the country for many years now, having played university shows on-and-off for the last decade. The live shows haven’t lost their energy and spontaneity though. If anything, Puffin claims that the students he plays for get

ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

straighter ever year, while he remains true to the subversive raconteur spirit. His in-yourface political nature is somewhat refreshing in the current climate where manufactured pop-stars are so “right-on” that it hurts.

He describes a recent “dust-up” with the Wellington branch of Campus Crusade for Christ in an attempt to prove a point about American foreign policy as a tour highlight.

He certainly doesn’t do things by halves.

The new 13-track album is called “Show Pony”, in honour of a drunken heckler’s jeer in Queenstown. It has been described as musical collision between the Warratahs and the Smiths, full of old organs, banjos and synths. The lush production and strong songs make this an album worth getting excited about. Look out for a full review in a future edition of Nexus.

The album release tour, in typical Puffin style, will cover 20 stops during May. You can see Lindon Puffin playing during the day on the Village Green this Friday May 11th, and from 8pm the next night at Aqua Velvet in Raglan.

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Citric

By Captain Ahab

Why is it that punk and hardcore bands always have the coolest names? Nobody else could get away with them. Just look! Every Man For Himself, Cry Wolf, Blackout, Congaline, A Lesson in Massacre and Planet Terror, all playing at No Way Out Records on May 12th.

Actually, I’m not sure if Congaline is a cool name. I suspect that it gets beaten up by bands with way cooler names like A Lesson in Massacre and Planet Terror.

Speaking of names, No Way Out Records is the new name for Upsett Records. I’m not sure that a record store/venue with “No Way Out” is a good idea though. Some might consider that a fire hazard. Perhaps “No Way Out” pays homage to the barracades that bands put across the doors to stop you leaving during their 71 minute hardcore

noise-opera. I guess having cool names doesn’t necessarily mean having cool music.

Sexy locals The Megaheroes have recorded an album. I still have no idea what it sounds like, but perhaps I will try to get my hands on it. I might even listen to it, too.

In case you haven’t heard, Dawn Raid has gone into liquidation. Apparently being a ‘playah’ ain’t enough to pay the bills these days. They blame “a shift in the local urban music market” for their demise. It’s always unfortunate when a New Zealand commercial music venture goes down the tubes. Even if that venture inflicted Savage on my unsuspecting ears.

I caught Sora Shima at Ward Lane the other night. Mogwai fans take notice. Some

Gig Guide Hamilton Film Society meets every Tuesday at Victoria Cinema. Tonight’s screening is the controversial Brazilian film Earth Entranced. Memberships are available on the night, and entitle you to free entry to a full year of screenings from the joining date, as well as special deals at Victoria Cinema and Auteur House.

Normally I’d never suggest you venture into the Chlamydia Triangle after dark, but the Pub Quiz at Bahama Hut makes for a fun Tuesday night out with friends or flatmates. There’s a hundred dollar bar tab up for grabs, and drink specials from 9pm.

Dylan Moran, the creator and star of television’s Black Books, performs his stand-up set at the St James in Auckland this Wednesday, Thursday and Friday night.

Tickets are available from ticketdirect.co.nz

audience members felt that they were not under the influence of enough intoxicants to enjoy the music properly. The rest of the audience were off their respective faces, and enjoying it thoroughly. You can download their EP for free from archaichorizon.com.

It’s almost time to start getting excited about the Third Annual Hamilton Circle Jerk!

If you’re not familiar with this dearly-loved Hamilton institution, it involves having Hamilton bands cover songs by other Hamilton bands. Each band plays one original song and two covers. It’s all very tongue-in-cheek and in-jokey, hence the Circle Jerk moniker. It takes place on the 26th of May, so it provides a welcome pallet cleanser after all the self-congratulatory wank you are exposed to during NZ Music Industry Month. It’s also a really great show.

By PETRA JANE

The Sixth Latin American Film Festival runs till Wednesday at Rialto Cinemas.

Look out for live performances during Cultural Hour on Wednesday in celebration of NZ Music Month.

For pop music as light and sweet as French pastry, head to Ward Lane on Wednesday night. Traveling minstrels Ladybird and Glasnost, both from France, team up with local lads The Deadly Deaths and The Girls. Bands start at 8:30 and it’s only a fiver.

Join in the monthly H-town Blues Jam at Biddy Mulligan’s from 8pm this Thursday night, and the second Thursday of every month. Bring your instrument and amp (the PA and your very own backing band are provided!) and you could be the next Blueshammer.

DateMonthYear return to Diggers this Friday, for a free show with support from Simon Hirst. Music kicks off around 10pm.

This could be a solution to Hamilton’s perennial shortage of live music venues, or at least a fun excursion to the suburbs.

This Saturday night Mole Music brings The Lookie Loos, Kimbra, The Braxton Hicks and The Holy Rollers to The Office in Dinsdale (in the shopping complex on Whatawhata Rd). The show’s free, and so is the bus to town afterwards, so get along.

Meanwhile, No Way Out Records (formerly Upsett, next to the dodgy ‘massage’ parlour on Victoria Street) presents a mega-bill of new talent including Cry Wolf, Blackout, Congaline, A Lesson in Massacre and Planet Terror with Auckland’s Every Man For Himself. It’s only $5, suitable for all ages and starts at 6:30.

Hamilton's newest and biggest

CD DVD & Vinyl store 07 839 4435 PHONE

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ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

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REVIEWS

Books Enjoy!

Opportunity

Reviewed by Brie Jessen

Reviewed by Alana Fergusson

New Zealander Sophie Gray has recently released her fourth destitute gourmet cookbook, entitled Enjoy! Gray’s cookbooks are aimed at a wide target audience with one thing in common; they don’t want to spend too much money on food. The destitute gourmet brand is dedicated to creating delicious gourmet food on a tight budget. As Gray herself puts it “worries about expense, concerns about nutrition…can take away some of the pleasure of preparing good food.” Enjoy! is an anthology of delicious, nutritious and easily affordable recipes. Although the book is aimed mainly at families, this book is brimming with great ideas for students.

‘And as one of the old playwrights said, what was virtue compared to an opportunity.’

– Frank Sargeson, En Route

Not only does Enjoy! contain 155 pages of delicious recipes and useful information, around 70% of the recipes have gluten- and other allergyfree alternatives. The cookbook begins with an introduction which outlines the three core principles of destitute gourmet; shop smart; eat healthily and in season; and make a little of something luxurious go a long way. The introduction also talks about allergy options and substitutes. I found the introduction, something I usually skip in cookbooks, to be well-written, easy to read and actually quite useful.

A man confronts death after an operation, a secretary uncovers her boss’ secret shame, and in a house in Auckland an elderly woman is writing the last book of her life, which ironically, contains all of her crimes.

Opportunity is a collection of short stories that can be read as a whole, or as individual stories. The appeal of the book is that no matter how you read the stories, the author still manages to find a way to connect them all together so you never lose touch with the flow.

by Sophie Gray

by Charlotte Grimshaw

With recipes broken up into categories such as mainstays, comfort food, fresh and fast, pizza, pasta and risotto, desserts, baking, and the basics, Enjoy! makes for easy use. The recipes themselves sound delicious and the ones I had a go at making turned out to be pretty good too. I made the peach cobbler recipe and I have to admit that it was incredibly tasty, and, even better, very simple and quick to make. I also recommend the madras meatballs and balsamic roasted vegetables with rosemary.

As a student on a tight budget, it can seem quite hard to eat healthy food without breaking the bank. As mother to a large family, Gray survives and even manages to eat well on a budget of $100 dollars a week for six people!

I would recommend this cook book to anyone with allergies, anyone interested in cooking, eating well, or eating cheaply. With delicious recipes and plenty of colour photos, this cook book is one of the useful things to keep tucked away, or propped up on the kitchen windowsill. With a RRP of $29.95 it’s a great buy for students, keep it for yourself or give it to mum for her birthday. Definitely worth the money; if it can get me cooking, it can inspire anyone to cook!

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ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

This book is a sweet collection of New Zealand short stories by acclaimed author Charlotte Grimshaw. The author of previous novels Provocation, Guilt and Foreign City, she is also a winner of the coveted Bank of New Zealand Katherine Mansfield award for short fiction. In her latest novel, Grimshaw tries her hand at the genre of ‘short stories’.

This is a collection of rich, vivid, imaginative stories that delve deep into the lives of every-day New Zealanders.

The stories take an intimate look in to the houses of the characters and explores the secrets that we all have, hidden deep down in the darkest recesses of our minds.

Every one secretly wants to know what goes on in the lives of others; it is these secrets that give humans a sense of intrigue. This book ultimately takes you through the front door and in to the lounge, where you can sit back and enjoy what lies before you. Grimshaw has created a fly on the wall perspective of life in New Zealand and the dark, twisted personalities that inhabit this place.

While dark, Grimshaw’s passion and empathy makes you want to keep on reading. The stories are exciting in their own right, but it is the appeal of being able to see into the lives of strangers that offers the ultimate attraction. One of those novels that allows you to say that it was ‘a bloody good read.’

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REVIEWS THE

AUTEUR HOUSE INTRODUCTION TO

Film

Martin Scorsese

Pan’s Labyrinth

BY DR RICHARD SWAINSON

REVIEW BY JOE CITIZEN

Martin Scorsese is America’s greatest living filmmaker. On that point there can be little doubt. The merits of his most recent work, however, are open to debate. Clearly awarded an Oscar more on class than form, the Scorsese of “The Departed” is a long way from the innovator who emerged in the 1970s as the Silver Age’s most consistent talent.

Rialto Cinema

This is easily the best film of the year to date. Pay no attention to the inaccuracies of the advertising that sells this film as a horror fantasy – this is a fairy tale for adults.

Its not sweetness and light like a Disney, but dark like the original Brothers Grimm stories of southern Germany.

Set in Spain after the end of the Spanish war and at the beginning of fascist rule, we are quickly introduced to the young protagonist Ofelia who is the daughter of a woman who has remarried a brutal and sadistic army captain. Less interested in his new wife than the son he is certain she is pregnant with; Ofelia is little more than an inconvenience to him. Whilst he engages on a war of attrition with the local resistance, Ofelia escapes into a world that may or may not be fantasy.

This ambiguity cleverly highlights how children try to cope with cruelty, using non-adult mechanisms. As the film demonstrates, fairy-tales are not believed nor listened to by grown-ups, despite their parallel dangers and traps for the incautious. Her control-freak stepfather could’ve sprung from countless fairy-tales had he been a woman; witness everything from the original Sleeping Beauty to Cinderella. In this story however, gender is less important than resistance – this is a portrayal of a community up in arms against fascist outsiders, despite the co-operation of the town’s leaders.

Watch this film for the stunning cinematography that reveals both magical and material realities with equal perspicuity. The CGI is fantastic without ever intruding upon our sense of the impossible – we are transported between dimensions with tremendous fluidity, and this is partly what makes Ofelia’s adventures so believable. There are no clear lines between the daily world and the magical, it has all presented with the childish logic of dreams. We watch with the critical eyes of adults, but experience the inner world of children in a way that most of us barely remember. This is real innocence being explored here, and the stunning conclusion of the film has all the more impact because of our adult selves.

Watch this film on the big screen, don’t wait for video. If you don’t like sub-titles too bad, you’ll miss out on a great piece of cinema that possesses a subtle beauty and charisma seldom seen on the modern silver screen. Pure poetry.

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For me, despite the accolades and Top 10 placings “The Departed” is Scorsese-lite, a star-heavy commercial exercise whose embellishments of the Hong Kong film “Infernal Affairs” dissipate much of the original’s tension. To be sure there’s much to enjoy in a foul-mouthed screenplay and a dildo-waving Jack Nicholson but its musings on the Catholic church remain murky and underdeveloped and Mark Walhberg seems out of his depth, like an underwear model who’s crashed a method acting class.

Whatever its flaws “The Departed” is at least a gangster film, Marty’s genre of choice. Like all artists he’s at his best filming what he knows.

Growing up in New York’s Italian-American milieu, the sickly, religious-leaning Scorsese rubbed shoulders with some of the under-world’s aspiring wiseguys. This experience directly lead to “Mean Streets” (1973), his first masterpiece.

Though as fine a student of American cinema as ever drew asthmatic breath, Scorsese’s breakthrough effort has more in common with Fellini’s “I Vitelloni” than it does with Warner Brothers or his contemporary Francis Ford Coppola’s “Godfather” epics. It’s a tale of youthful frustration, of men on the periphery of the mob struggling to reconcile their faith and/or temperament with their lifestyle. A stylistic tour de force, combining some location shooting with expressionistically lit bar-room interiors, subjective camera movement, mock homemovies and the evocative use of popular music, “Mean Streets” transcends the Chanderlesque allusion of its title to become the rawest depiction of street life seen at that point in American film.

Scorsese’s next fully fledged generic entry (if we sidestep the greatness of “Taxi Driver” (1976) and “Raging Bull” (1980), whose stories are told against a backdrop of criminality) is Goodfellas (1990).

Whereas “Mean Streets” is personal and anecdotal, “Goodfellas” is a sprawling and almost exhaustively detailed account of the thirty year mobster career of Henry Hill. Balancing quiet character study with stupendously designed set pieces (despite subsequent imitation and parody, the restaurant tracking shots retain their power to amaze), “Goodfellas” gives a visceral impression of exactly what it is to be a gangster, neither overlooking the price all pay nor the thrills most enjoy.

A half decade later Scorsese’s follow-up “Casino” (1995) was less well received. Some thought it too derivative of the earlier film, particularly in the casting and characterisation of Joe Pesci.

Yet “Casino” looks better with each passing year, its careful deconstruction of the politics of a Mafia-controlled Vegas a worthy complement to that presented at a distance in Coppola’s films.

Auteur House stocks all of the movies mentioned above.

ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

37

Arts Diary Auditions - The Opposite of Sex Auditions are being called for a comedy called ‘The Opposite Sex’ being staged at the Gaslight Theatre in Cambridge in August. 2 male and 2 female roles aged 30-50ish. Phone Steve Grounds on 027 4966 757 or 827 5440 for more information or to schedule an audition time for Saturday 12 May. Or email results@xtra.co.nz

The Third Annual Hamilton Circle Jerk Hamilton bands celebrating Hamilton music with micro-sets of their favourite local songs for May - NZ’s Music Month. Saturday 26 May with bands starting at 8pm, cost to be advised. Brought to you by your good friends Contact 88.1 FM, because we love Hamilton music in a special way. If you’re a Hamilton musician or performer, and would like to be involved then contact Petra Jane on 021 550 377 or email petra@petrajane.com

Peter and the Wolf The Trust Waikato Symphony Orchestra conducted by Rupert D’Cruze.

Concert Master Jenny Song performs Finlandia, Telemann’s Viola Concerto, Peter and the Wolf, and Dvorak’s New World Symphony.

Saturday 12 May, 8pm at the Founders Theatre. Phone sales 838 1111.

IHC Telecom Art Awards Exhibition 2007 Northland region entries. Judge - Denys Watkins, artist and lecturer at Elam School of Fine Arts. Running from Wednesday 9th May to Friday 8th June 2007 at Sandz Gallery, 6 Kent Street, Frankton.

The Second Level, art exhibition

by Hillcrest High School ‘The Second Level’ is an exciting opportunity for top art students of Hillcrest High School to exhibit at the Academy of Performing Arts.

The Second Level refers to them working at Level 2 last year when they produced the work and also by exhibiting at the university they are moving into a ‘second level’. Opening May 9th at 5.30pm.

Questions 1) Would you choose Fair trade coffee over cheaper alternatives?

2) Most embarrassing crushes…?

3) Which celebs do you think are cock wanks?

4) First thing that comes to mind when you think about the Irish?

5) Feminism: Is it a Good or a Bad thing!

Laura 1) 2) 3) 4) 5)

Yes. *long pause*… Don’t have any.

Paris Hilton.

I think they are super cool.

Good.

Philip 1) Not a coffee drinker; but would probably go cheap.

2) Flatmate from this year.

3) Justin Timberlake, Kanye West & 50cent 4) They rock, awesome lollies.

5) Its wicked, in a non-sexist way.

Mel

Bearing Witness - documentary photography through the lens of Cheri Waititi Three very different themes are explored in Cheri Waititi’s first solo exhibition at the Calder & Lawson Gallery. 2004 Hikoi - the quiet dignity and subtle but assertive presence of the kaumatua who attended; 3rd Culture Kids - the fusion of identity of New Zealand’s Polynesian Youth; The Dancer - the combination of the elegance of movement.

19 Apr 2007 to Mon 07 May 2007 from 9am to 5pm at the Calder & Lawson Gallery in the Academy of Performing Arts. Free entry. For more details contact Anne Harlo on 838 4466 or anneh@waikato.ac.nz

Waikato Society of Arts- McCaw Lewis Chapman Regional Art Awards In the Chartwell Gallery at the Artspost, from 10am to 4.30pm daily. Entry is free. For further details contact ArtsPost@hcc.govt.nz

If you know of any art events or you are an artist looking for some media exposure for your event, email nexus@waikato.ac.nz.

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By Rocky and Steven

ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

1) I don’t drink coffee.

2) Taylor Hanson, after I found out he was a guy.

3) Paris Hilton and Bono.

4) Hard drinkers.

5) Good.

Craig 1) 2) 3) 4) 5)

Don’t drink coffee.

No comment.

Don’t give a fuck about celebs.

Drink a lot.

Bad, but don’t think it’s a bad thing.

Lucy 1) 2) 3) 4) 5)

No. That’s a secret.

Not too sure.

They drink loads.

It’s a great thing.

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Got any funny Busted! pictures of you and your friends out in town or getting totally busted you want to share with us? Send â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;em to nexus@waikato.ac.nz before Thursday 5 PM for the next issue of Nexus.

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ISSUE 9 7 MAY 2007

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