issue 9 by Nexus Magazine

www.nexusmag.co.nz

11 May 2009

ISSUE 09 Credits: 04 Editorial 05 Low Five 06 Magic 8 Ball 06 Caption Competition 07 Arts Hole 08-12 News 13 The Nexus Haiku News 14 Lettuce 17 Rant of the Week 24 WSU 28 Lord Bhfulu’s Puzzle Page 29 Notices 30 The Nerdary 30 The Feminine Files 31 Your Physical Education

31 VitaminC 32 Seeing Stars 33 Auteur House Presents 34 DVD Review 35 Citric 35 Album Review 36 The Phat Controller 37 Comic Review 38 Gig Guide 38 Garfield Minus Garfield 39 BUSTED

Features: 18 Urban Exploration in the Tron

Everyone has seen the fronts and bottoms of every building in Hamilton. It gets old, fast. It might sound lame, but seeing Victoria St or campus from a rooftop is truly refreshing. That and it becomes addictive to watch out for new construction sites or a carelessly tossed ladder. It truly becomes a hobby to sit down during the day and plan out where you will climb at night.

Editor: Joshua Drummond (editor@nexusmag.co.nz)

Design: Talia Musson (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz)

Advertising: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz/021 176 6180)

Reporter: Grant Burns (news@nexusmag.co.nz)

Film Editor: Kirill Kruger (films@nexusmag.co.nz) Games Editor: Antony Parnell (games@nexusmag.co.nz) Books Editor: Penny Wilson (books@nexusmag.co.nz) Music Editor: Nick Johnstone (music@nexusmag.co.nz) Internet Guru: Jed Laundry Contributors Vitamin C, WSU, Kirill, Chris Parnell, Burton C. Bogan, Gordon Dawson, Jed Laundry, Dr Richard Swainson, Maria Mo, Josh, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash Medallion, Art Focker, Blair Munro, Jesus, Louise Blackstock, DJ Lauree, Sarah Bentley, Todd Cantley, Penny Wilson, 8 Ball, Critic, David Large, Jason Leroy, Hollie Jackson, Rachael, and Andrew Neal

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) Because it provides the booze. THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE REALLY. WE DIDN’T DO IT, NOBODY SAW US DO IT, YOU CAN’T PROVE ANYTHING. YOU KNOW WHAT I DON’T LIKE? HAMILTON’S UGLY, UGLY BUILDINGS. THERE, GOT THAT OFF MY CHEST. WHAT A RELIEF.

Josh, the Nexus Editor, sighed and thumped his head lightly on his desk. The contributors were late submitting their columns again, and the WSU pages were a lot cause. Nothing much was interesting in the news, and even the Lettuce page lacked some of its usual je ne sais quoi. If only, the editor thought. If only they knew my true power - the power of a Jedi Wizard. Things wouldn’t be coming in late then. Suddenly, the Editor’s office door burst inwards in a shower of splinters! In leapt Spock and

sacrifice become useless. He must have cast a spell on Goku! But... how? “Stop thinking in italics!” snarled Goku, the calming spell having barely any effect. “I have read your puny mind. Truly, the Dark Lord has returned, and you and your order shall be powerless to stop him!” “Goku, my former best friend,” the Editor said, sadly, “I have fought many foes, but I never wished to fight you. Throw off your enchantment, and I need not destroy you.” “Never!” snarled the Super Saya-jin Times

“Well break it!” cried Hermione, her greenpurple eyes blazing. “Do it for us! For our love!” “Okay,” said the Editor, and ascended, facing the grinning phantasm in the sky. “AHAHA!” said the leering figure of Dark Pan-dimensional Lord Voldemort, wrapped in glowing awesome cybernetic magickal armour. “I have allied with the vampires and werewolves from the world of Twilight! At last, I am truly immortal! Nothing can stop us now! All I require is the last Super Ultimate

Kirk, breathing heavily, covered in sweat, their Starship Enterprise uniforms rent and torn. “Kirk! Spock!” the Editor cried. “Spacemen of the Enterprise! What brings you to our times?” “There is terrible danger,” Spock said, wiping his logical brow. “The universe - nay, the Universes - is threatened.” “In our future,” said Kirk, his hard yet sensitive eyes weeping quiet tears of frustration, “there is nothing left. They destroyed it all. They came, and they...” “Who came!?” cried the Editor, his hand instinctively feeling for his wand-saber, tucked as always safely in his belt. “The...followers of....he...who must not... be... named,” said Kirk, slumping over and closing his eyes for the last time. “NOOOOOOO!” howled Spock. “DO NOT WANT! DO NOT WANT!” The Editor whirled, wand-saber at the ready. Suddenly, the roof of the Nexus office caved in, and Goku, resplendent in his Super Saya-jin Times Six form, appeared in a swirling cloud of power. Goku raised a hand, sheer power ebbing and crackling about him. “Where are the Ultimate Super Dragon Balls?” he said, his voice terrible. Spock crawled off into a corner and huddled with his phaser raised weakly above his head. The Editor muttered a spell of calming, one known only to him, pointing his wand-saber at the terrible apparition before him. On Goku’s head, he could see the mark of a skull with a snake writhing between its teeth. He’s bewitched, the Editor realised. Clearly, Voldemort has returned from his exile in the Dead Zone where poor dead Potter lies still, his

Six. “I have enough power to destroy the multiverse! I shall power up now, and within five minutes annihlate you all!” The Editor watched in great sadness as Goku screamed, his muscles bulging. After fourteen episodes, he tired of this and sliced the great Saya-jin in half with one cut of his glowing wand-saber. “Powering up was always your greatest weakness,” the Editor said, bowing to the halves of his fallen foe. Suddenly, a great wormhole appeared in the sky, and from it fell several figures, darting and weaving in a magical duel so intense it turned the University Lakes to glass. The Editor watched as the writhing forms of Jedi Wizard Masters Ron and Hermione fell from the sky, their battered visages wrenched in anger towards the dark they had been battling at the center of the terrible wormhole. “We... cannot... hold him,” gasped Master Ron. “He has cut through the ranks of the Order. Even Skywalker fell before him. You are the only hope, Editor.” The dark figure in the sky laughed horribly, so the earth shook. With a flick of his wand-saber Master Ron’s red head exploded in a shower of gore. Hermione ignored this and ran to the Editor, clutching his arm. “You are our only hope!” she said. “You must banish him once again!” “I cannot,” said the Editor. “I swore a solemn oath to never kill again.” Hermione looked about her, at the scene of carnage, and particularly Goku’s smoking torso. “Yes,” said the Editor, heavily. “I swore it ten seconds ago.”

Dragonball - and I see it, there, in your office, disguised as a common Magic Eight Ball!” The Editor laughed, his rich dark hair whipping about his chiseled, handsome face, his Calvin Klein jacket whipping in the hell-born winds, pale skin sparkling in the morning sun. He raised his wand-saber, prepared for battle. Volemort saw his skin sparkling, and looked at the Editor in shock. “There’s one thing you didn’t count on,” chuckled the Editor. “I too visited the Twilight world, and met with Bella. She agreed to help me. Now, I too, am a vampyre - the only Jedi Wizard to become truly immortal!” Voldemort screamed in disbelief, but it was too late. “I am a servant of the Jedi Wizard council!” shouted the Editor, his voice resonating with raw power. “Wielder of a mighty wand-saber! Go back to the Shadow, you cheap Sauron ripoff! YOU SHALL NOT PASS!” Weaving a Jedi Wizard spell enriched with arcane vampyre magicks, the Editor forced the Dark Lord back into the closing wormhole with the sharp point of his wand-saber. Crying aloud, he finished off by flying around the world faster than the speed of light, which reversed time for some reason and undid all the madness... The Editor came to, sitting in his office. “Wow, what a crazy dream that was!” he groaned. He took stock of his surroundings. The contributors were late submitting their columns again, and the WSU pages were a lot cause. Nothing much was interesting in the news, and even the Lettuce page lacked some of its usual je ne sais quoi. But at least the Editorial was finished.

To Be Continued...?

By Snrub. QUESTIONS 1. What do you think of Waikato University being bought by Saudi Arabia? 2. If you were to write a letter to Nexus, what would it be about? 3. Swine flu: threat or menace? 4. How will you celebrate NZ Music Month? 5. Who is your favourite terrorist?

Eddie 1. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m only here once a week so who cares 2. Does the uni sell degrees? 3. Menace 4. In front of the TV 5. Pikachi

THIS WEEKS PIC

With your host, the Physics Department! Hey! This week we got so many entries that they formed a mini-black hole under the Nexus offices, and we were able to discover the Higgs

“The 5 half sisters found it funny, in hindsight, when discussing the things their dad would do on the piss.”

Boson! Right here, at Waikato University! Take that, Large Hadron Collider!

Congratulations, Thomas Mabb! Come into the office to collect your Voucher of Burger Fuel!

Anyway, I should get on with things and point out which entry most excited my atoms. Let’s see…

Because of the Fourth Law of Thermodynamics, I can’t be bothered putting in any Honourable Mentions. Suffice it to say they were…

honourable. On that note – here’s this week’s picture! Remember, physics-doers! Much like Schrodinger’s cat, there are two possible ways to enter the Caption Competition! Simply caption the above image and send it to us! You can either send your entry to captions@ nexusmag.co.nz, or you can enter via the Caption Comp thread in the Nexus Forums at forums.nexusmag.co.nz! Oh, my muons and quarks! Which will it be? You won’t find out until you do it!

All questions taken from the Magic 8 Ball thread at forums.nexusmag.co.nz! You can submit questions to the forum, as well as to magic8ball@nexusmag.co.nz I can has a cheezburger? Outlook good - if you buy it yourself. Once you’ve done that, how’s about you ASK SOME NON-RETARDED QUESTIONS YOU GODDAMN CHODE. Whew, got that off my chest. But seriously, Lolcats questions? What is this, 2007 or something? Can I really catch someones stupidity by borrowing their toothbrush? Outlook not so good - you can actually catch stupid by brushing your teeth, without even needing to borrow a brush. See that toothpaste tube? Look closer. See where it says “fluoride?” Know what that is? It’s brain poison. “Whatever,” I hear you say, “the government would never allow that.” That’s what they want you to think, you fool! See, it’s working already! Will the pumpkin at the back of my pantry develop sentience? Don’t count on it - you’re not feeding it enough children. You need to capture more. Hang out near popular sources of children, like primary schools and Supre shoppers. 6

If I ran for mayor of Hamilton would I win? Ask again later - after the Elections. You may call this cheating, but I’d hate to spoil the surprise. (Hint; the assassination attempt fails, but you are badly wounded. Your wife finds out and bad things go down. The scandal doesn’t entirely ruin your campaign, but the incident with the spatula makes things considerably worse.) Do wisdom teeth really make you wise? As I see it yes - they contain a special chemical, Wisdomium, which might look a lot like calcium but isn’t. Don’t let that Periodic Table fool you. It’s gotten a lot of people. Wisdomium is slightly radioactive, but can be tempered by brushing with fluoride - WHICH MAKES YOU DUMBER. Does spelling Magick with a ‘K’ make it more magickal? Very doubtuful - it’s impossible to increase the magic level merely by adding a “K”. What it does do is make it more mysterious. If you do magick, rather than magic, people realise that it’s something special and pretentious and they

should probably avoid you, lest you mutter at them. Will the idiot who takes the seat off the toilet in K block basement and pisses on it catch swine flu and die? My sources say no - she - yes it’s a she, bet you didn’t think of that! - will die an ironic death, when she decides to wee all over one of those ornamental Japanese toilets that have electric lights all over them. One of the lights will be broken and short-circuit, and this will electrocute her - mildly. Shocked, she will find God, repent of her seat-peeing ways, and die a martyr when the voices tell her that God wants her to deliver a septic tank of its demons. As a fundamentalist Christian, is it wrong for me to have a stem-cell penis grown on my shoulder for my upcoming sex change operation? Very doubtful - I feel it would be beneficial. Why not go the whole hog and grow them all over your body, like a phallic Koosh ball? You’ll be the talk of all the orgies, and you’ll be used in offices for stress relief.

Arts Hole

Exhibition reviews by Dawn Tuffery ‘Still’ - Lisa Benson Ramp Gallery, 29 April – 20th May Benson’s ‘Still’ refuses to be pinned down, consisting of exhibits that transform, morph, and finally, disappear altogether. On opening night, the star of the show was a carved ice statue of the artist, resplendent in the middle of the gallery. This was surrounded by a shelf of perspex ‘credit cards’, available to take away, featuring the words ‘NEMAM MIŠTA, SAMO IMAM VREMENA (in Bosnian: I don’t have nothing, I only have time’). The translation of this sentence also became gradually visible under the statue as it melted. In the small room beside Ramp, self-portrait photos of Benson line the walls. The twist is that these have been printed ‘unfixed’, and consequently the image will eventually fade completely. Everything is ephemeral and we’re all gonna die. So far, so depressing? Not necessarily. While the work naturally invites reflection on one’s mortality, there’s a playfulness here too – the statue initially has a cheery cartoon appearance; the credit cards are toy-like. Not to mention the buoyant energy of the huge crowd attending the opening, which seems to become part of the exhibition by its presence. Alongside the exhibition sits one of the nicest artist statements I’ve read in some time. While that’s not a very formal adjective, it’s not a very formal artist statement. In fact, it’s not technically even an artist statement, being written in letter form to Benson by a friend (‘Cassandra’) who has yet to see any of the work in the exhibition. This approach is effective; the letter is beautifully crafted piece of poetic writing in its own right, and helps coalesce the personal/universal nature of Benson’s themes.

As I left that night I glimpsed the statue through the outside door of Ramp, imbuing it with anthropomorphic serenity in the face of certain disintegration. Alone for the moment, it sat in the middle of the lit room dripping gently. Poignant, amusing, and slightly absurd, this sight seemed to sum up the evening’s experience well.

‘Mediarts Postgraduate show’ - Aleina Riddler 7 Collingwood St, 1st May. In contrast to Benson’s gradually disappearing work, Aleina Riddler’s exhibition opening two days later represents a triumphant culmination: the practical result of her year’s study towards a Master of Arts. Riddler’s approach throughout the last two years of her postgraduate study has involved the manipulation and repetition of selected silhouettes, utilising anything from scissors to fish scales. These shapes are arranged and tested by computer before being printed out and used as a stencil to form paintings. This technique forms a nice combination of organic and mechanical qualities in the final piece. Having followed Riddler’s work during her 2007 Honours year, which also involved exploration of this technique, it was interesting to see how the images had developed. The most noticeable change is in the increased intricacy of the designs, and the careful consideration of foreground/background relationships. My personal favourites involved a repeated feather motif, which creates curves and depth illusions within the otherwise geometric arrangements. Two pictures in particular take this to an intriguing level - the patterns recede and advance, creating new dimensional shapes like a quirky Rorschach test.

any question or queries email news@nexusmag.co.nz

ISSUE 9 - 11 May 2009

Congradulations!

Leaky ceiling, muddy grass, and free food. By Hollie Jackson Graduation is a big event, obviously. It means you have finally completed your stressful, tedious – yet party-plenty years at university. It means that now you have to go on to face that big bad world of actual labour. Not all of us will survive to see that glorious day, some of us won’t even last one semester at Uni. Some of us will pass their years here with an A grade average, some with the “Cs get degrees” point of view, and some will drop out in order to work at a fast-food giant or just to sit around home, smoking pot, and on the dole. However, last week has all been about celebrating those students who have worked their asses off to graduate from university. Last week saw hundreds of graduands parading down Victoria St in their formal academic dress (that costs around $105 to hire), and gathering in Founders Theatre to receive their certificates. Wednesday’s celebrations focused on the Management school, graduates with degrees from accounting to tourism. The traditional procession down Victoria St, however, was regrettably cancelled due to a false-alarm with the weather conditions. The first thing that one notices as they walk into the theatre is the massive amounts of exuberant foliage, hit by a wave of smell awfully sweet, it makes you feel as if you are looking at a scene from The Jungle Book. The 8

guests are welcomed by a brass band while they are being seated and then asked to stand as the academic procession enters the hall. After a little interlude, we are asked once again to all stand while the graduates enter and seat themselves at the far left of the theatre, and then to sing the National Anthem. The Chancellor and Vice Chancellor open the proceedings with speeches, followed by the

“As the moment of truth comes for the graduates, they line up, visibly shaking at the knees and hoping to all hell that they don’t fall down the stairs” CEO of the Waikato District Health board, Craig Climo. As the moment of truth comes for the graduates, they line up, visibly shaking at the knees and hoping to all hell that they don’t fall down the stairs. The Dean of Management Frank Scrimgeour calls the nervous students to the stage, Pro Chancellor Brian Linehan caps the graduates, while the Vice Chancellor Roy Crawford presents the certificates to the graduates. While the mass of graduates smile to have their photo taken with the Vice Chancellor one by one, the weather turns to custard; the rain starts hammering down on the roof drowning

out Scrimgeour’s calls to the students and the ceiling of the top-left part on the stage starts to drip. After the ceremonies have ended and the graduates have thrown their expensive mortar-boards into the air, we all stand for the exit of the academics. The graduates are then led out of the theatre by a bass-rendition of “When the Saints go Marching In”. After the formalities had ended, graduates and guests were invited to free hot drinks and nibbles in a tent on the lawn. Due to the typical Hamilton weather, the tent being on grass wasn’t very ideal. Overall, graduation was a successful event, according to graduate James Leslie. “It really was a relief, the ceremony was spectacular and I feel as if all my hard work has finally paid off”.

Joint group of stoners light up at Lake Family fun for all By Grant Burns J-Day 2009 has gone up in smoke. The annual event which campaigns for cannabis law reform took place last Saturday 2nd May in the five major centres around New Zealand. The Hamilton leg was held at the Watertower stage at the Lake Domain. The funky festivities began at noon on a dull cold gray day with pro-cannabis supporters turning up in droves of hoodies and beanies, mostly keeping to

Attendance ranged from 700-800 people coming and going throughout the day with the

pamphlets on drug reform. “J Day is about your freedom. Drug prohibition causes crime and violence, enriches gangsters, and fails to prevent underage use. NORML is working for a regulated market that would best protect cannabis consumers,” said one of the flyers I picked up. Representative from the Greens, Libertarians, and the New World Order Party all spoke to

themselves and occasionally looking out for something that wasn’t there. The event was MC’d by two men who call themselves 2Young and Moskon. The music was the main attraction for the majority who attended with bands such as Sora Shima, Blinding Jupiter, Skeltor, Milk Train, Second Chapter, Electric Mayhem and The Hip Hop Fresh Funk Crew.

local diary down the road selling out of chips, sugar products, and every other munchierelated food. No police were spotted on site while all the pot-heads inhaled pot into their heads, children played on the grass, and two planes droned over head with false smoke signal alerts. NORML (National Organisation of the Reform of Marijuana Laws) was on site handing out

the crowd about their marijuana legalisation policies. However, the way the MC’s treated the politicians one might think they didn’t know legalisation/decriminalisation laws on cannabis will only ever come about through Parliament, rather than stoner basement pipe dreams. By 4:00pm the crowd began getting sleepy and wandered off. That is all.

Ex-VUWSA President burns NZ flag by Jackson Wood and Michael Oliver – Salient

During today’s VUWSA Special Representative Council (SRC) meeting, exVUWSA President Joel Cosgrove and two other Workers’ Party members burnt the New Zealand flag. The SRC, which was called to discuss VUWSA’s non-action on laying a wreath at Wellington’s ANZAC day commemorations, failed to meet the required quorum of 50 students. President Freemantle was to put forward motions, which the chief executive of the RSA Stephen Clarke had endorsed. However, because of the lack of students, these motions could not be passed. When Freemantle opened the floor for speakers, Cosgrove made a statement on behalf of the Workers’ Party: “The rhetoric of ANZAC day provides justification for today’s New Zealand imperialist adventures in Afghanistan and the pacific.” Pelted with boos and cries of “Shame, shame, shame!” from the audience, Cosgrove continued to speak, listing the conflicts that New Zealand has taken part in since World War I. “The New Zealand flag represents both British imperialism and New Zealand imperialism contained within one entity, and for that reason we are against it.” Cosgrove the President of VUWSA in 2008, former VUWSA exec member Marika Pratley and another Workers’ Party member, Alastair Reith proceeded to exit the bar onto the deck where they doused the New Zealand flag with an accelerant and proceeded to ignite it. Bar staff moved quickly to stomp the conflagration out and eject Cosgrove from the premises.

Reith videoed the burning and it is now proudly posted on his Facebook, along with the note: “Me, Marika and Joel decided to warm our hands with the flag of NZ imperialism … I think I burned my fingers…” Freemantle was quick to extinguish the thought that the burning was endorsed by VUWSA by saying that flag burning was the one thing she did not want VUWSA to engage in on ANZAC day. Manager of the Student Union Complex Rainsforth Dix said: “The University is aware of this incident and is currently considering appropriate and relevant action.” In 2003 Paul Hopkinson, a Workers’ Party member, was convicted of destroying a New Zealand flag with intent to dishonor it. This conviction was later overturned under the context that Hopkinson was exercising free speech. He later burnt the flag again and was charged with disorderly conduct. Last year NZPA reported that flag burner Valerie Morse had been fined $500 for offensive behaviour when she disrupted the Wellington ANZAC day ceremonies in 2007. UPDATE: Workers’ Party caught out about Joel being trespassed from campus. Last night the Workers’ Party sent out a press release stating: “Victoria University have placed a trespass notice on Joel Cosgrove (Workers Party member) for his burning of the New Zealand flag”. Rainsforth Dix told Salient this afternoon that this is untrue. “The University has not issued Joel Cosgrove with a trespass notice for any part of the University” she said, adding that the university is still considering the most appropriate action to take against Cosgrove.

There was a conference about a thing at this place By Jason Leroy

Over 60 students from around the country met in Wellington over the weekend to discuss current issues facing Pacific Islander students in New Zealand. 11 students from various Pacific Island culture clubs on campus, led by Deni Tokunai, a WSU Director, attended the Pacific Island Students Fono 2009 (fono means conference or meeting in Samoan). The conference which started on 1 May and concluded on 3 May, was organized by the New Zealand University Students Association (NZUSA), was aimed at bringing Pacific Islander students from uni campuses around the nation, to network and share ideas with each another.

students face either in growing up or in studying in New Zealand. According to Deni Tokunai, the main problems included the teaching of courses in English, wherein students will have to adapt to a different teaching atmosphere. Furthermore, the issue of high expectations and stress on students was also raised. Most international Pacific Islander students were the first of their families to go to university and were expected to achieve high grades and graduate with distinction. At the same time, they had to work alongside studying in order to support both themselves and their families back home. “A key learning point for me was the understanding of issues that we are facing nationally in terms of Pacific Islander students,” said Deni. He

Students attended workshops, motivational seminars and speeches by various guest speakers. Among the invited speakers were Markham Meredith, who started off as an apprentice but is now a building constructor nationally and Dr. Peter Brunt from Victoria University who gave a speech on life and education. The speakers were invited to demonstrate to students that through education and hard work everyone can succeed.

added that the greatest highlight of the conference was probably the number of people who attended the conference. The number of people had increased from about 15 last year to over 60 this year. “Hopefully we will be able to increase the number of attendees next year,” he said.

Students were also brought together to discuss and learn from each another on ways of how to tackle issues that most Pacific Islander

To find out more about what happened at the conference, please contact Deni Tokunai at djt18@waikato.ac.nz.

Next year, the conference will be held here in Hamilton organized by SAWIT, the Students’ Association of Waikato Institute of Technology.

Auckland-based rockabilly raconteur Lindon Puffin is set to make YOU laugh/groove/nod rhythmically/swoon/ all of the above next Wednesday! “ I LOVE playing lunchtime shows, it’s pretty casual and people are relaxed and ready to hear some good tunes and be entertained” the enthusiastic Puffin said from the eye of a publicity maelstrom. The tempting and topical troubadour is gearing up for the springtime release of ‘Vaseline on the Lens’, the highly anticipated follow up album to 2007’s ‘Show Pony’. Puffin is no mere perkily pretty face though – in the last couple of years he has also toured New Zealand half a dozen times, pioneered the ‘Weekly Waiata’ on KiwiFMBreakfast (which he also co-presents) and created a one-man show delivering “upbeat originals, offensive covers and anarchic banter”, a point of arguable uniqueness in a sea of seriously stony moralist clones.

So he must be delighted about NZ Music Month, then? “I have done a lot of touring, and I do think that, in the bigger picture, New Zealand Music Month has come along, done what it’s supposed to and now it’s become a corporate monster.” But New Zealand Music is so great – isn’t it? “Yeah, but so is music from all over the world – a good album is a good album. Look, it’s great that it has raised the profile of New Zealand Music, but it’s become hyper-branded – if you’re Hallensteins, you’re getting a good deal, but how good is it for an indie band or even the rest of New Zealand?” Fair enough. But is Puffin ready for the mighty Waikato experience? “Yep - I first played there at the Academy with Paul Ubana Jones in 2002”, he said proudly. “The thing about music, and I think people tend to forget this, is that it’s meant to be FUN!” You heard it first here – come and have fun with Lindon Puffin, NZ’s premier rockabilly heart—brain-and-humour-throb, Wednesday 13th May during cultural hour.

Live, work, travel overseas for free Seriously, free! By Grant Burns Imagine travelling around Europe for a whole year – all expenses paid. Well, now you can thanks to a non-profit organisation which gives out fully-funded scholarships for students looking to experience a new culture and work in a foreign country. Lattitude provides all expenses paid scholarships to New Zealanders aged 18 -25 who would like a gap year where they can work as payment for a year’s travel,

In return, students on the scholarship will be required to work a 40 hour week, but will be able to travel around during their time off. Due to the global economic recession, this scholarship applies to anyone who would like to go on their O.E but simply cannot afford it. However, the U.K. is not the only place where Lattitude provides scholarships to. There are vacancies for placement due to depart in September 2009 for students to teach

desks, but the kids are so dedicated to learning and so polite. They work hard as they do not take education for granted, they realise how important it is for their future,” says Carly Bindon who taut over in South Africa for a year. If would like to apply for one of these scholarships then you must be nominated by a reputable person such as a university lecturer, sports coach, employer, etc, stating

accommodation, and expenses. One of the main scholarships on offer for January 2010 includes a choice of work placement, environmental placement, or outdoor education placement within the United Kingdom. This scholarship includes return flights to the U.K, travel insurance, visa application costs, accommodation, spending allowance, and a contiki tour of Europe.

English in Poland. Also, Lattitude are recruiting applications for January-April 2010, where students can teach English in Vietnam or outdoor education in South Africa. Volunteers who embark on these scholarships gain a great amount of cultural experience, independence, and confidence. “I have found my second home! My classes are gorgeous. I teach grade 9 English, tutor grade 11 and 12 science and help with English. My classes are huge, about 35-40 children with only 15

why they feel the applicant is deserving of the scholarship and what they would offer to the placement. Hopeful applicants must complete the application on Lattitude’s website: www. lattitude.org.nz. Applicants must also write a covering letter outlining why they think they should deserve the scholarship. Applications for the scholarships should be sent to: Lattitude Global Volunteering, P.O. Box 4134, Palmerston North. Applications close May 9 2009.

“By not busting us I’m hoping their attitude has changed and their will be a change (in the marijuana) law.”

Vault

by Grant Burns

Student smokes up in Police Station - April 11th 1994 Issue 5 Local Waikato University student, Gary Clarkson, was one of six protesters to walk into the Hamilton Police Station last week smoking a joint of marijuana as part of a stunt for J-Day. To the group’s surprise, none of them were arrested for smoking or possession of marijuana, instead they were slapped with a trespassing order and told to “bugger off.” The protest was instigated by the Waikato University NORML (National Organisation for the Reform of Marijuana Laws) Club which Gary is president of. The stunt came at the end of J-Day celebrations on Sunday 27 March. During the day, J-Day attracted over 100 people at their ‘potnic’ venue right outside the new District Court. At 5:30pm that evening, six people were arrested for smoking marijuana

and one for possession. They were released soon after they were arrested. Clarkson said he was disappointed that he was not arrested for smoking a joint in the police station, especially when six others were arrested at J-Day. “What is the point of the law if they’re not going to use it equally? To let us off scot free amounts to a form of defactodecriminalisation.” According to the Waikato Times, the policemen on duty at the time chose not to arrest the protesters because it was apart of a media stunt.

“I was hoping…they had realised the (marijuana) law is ineffective, they’re busting more people than ever, it’s wasting more of their time, it’s costing more in terms of looking for the stuff and hopefully they realise the penalties being given out to people are not worth the offence.” “By not busting us I’m hoping their attitude has changed and their will be a change (in the marijuana) law.” Clarkson said he would go to jail to protest against marijuana laws and believes that within three or four years marijuana will be decriminalised in New Zealand.

Clarkson said the police “missed the point of the protest” and was hoping for a better response from the police. 11

90TH ANNIVERSARY FOR NZU BLUES

Press Release

University Sport New Zealand (USNZ) has announced the recipients of the prestigious Blues Award for the 2008 academic year, marking 90 years since the first Blues were awarded in 1919. This yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s presentation sees 39 students receive a Blue in recognition of their outstanding sporting and academic achievements in 2008. Many of the recipients competed at the absolute pinnacle of their sport last year, competing at the Beijing Olympics, while continuing to study at a tertiary level. Included in the 2008 recipients are Silver Fern, Laura Langman, Olympic runner, Adrian Blincoe, All Black and Crusader, Kieran Read, gold-medal winning Paralympian, Cameron Leslie, and rower, Juliette Haigh. Langman, Leslie and Haigh are joined by five others shortlisted as finalists for the 2008 NZU Sportsperson of the Year. The other finalists are swimmer, William Benson, rower, Hamish Bond, Surf Life Saver, Michael Buck, Black Sticks hockey player, Simon Child and Kiwi league star, Jerome Ropati Footballer, Emma Kete, joins Cameron Leslie, Black Ferns Huriana Manuel and Teresa Te Tamaki and rowingâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Storm Uru in the running for NZU Maori Sportsperson of the Year.

The supreme award winners will be announced at the 2008 NZU Blues Awards Ceremony, being held on Friday 5th June at Te Papa, Wellington. Shannon Foreman has been awarded a NZU Distinguished Performance award for his outstanding performance in Kickboxing, while Carl Syman, Chris Jones, Matthew Steven and Josh Junior receive Outstanding Achievement Awards for taking gold at the 2008 FISU World University Match Racing Champs in Poland. Andrew Imms has been awarded the NZU Coach of the Year award for his achievements as a Fencing coach in 2008. All awards will be presented at a black-tie dinner on Friday 5th June 2009 at Te Papa, Wellington. Tickets for the awards dinner are available for purchase through University Sport NZ. Congratulations to all 2008 NZU Award recipients and good luck to the finalists in the Supreme Award categories! For further information on the 2008 NZU Blues, please visit www.universitysport.org.nz

The Nexus Haiku News by Drummond-san

Vatican breaks silence on ‘Angels & Demons’ Review is sardonic: “Direction: angelic Story: demonic.” California: Wildfire puts 2000 homes at risk That’s what you’ll get, when you build your home In a natural barbeque. Flu experts called on to help make vaccine decision Pharma given choice “How much money do you want to make? Heaps, or lots?”

AN EYECON IF YOU’RE A TERTIARY STUDENT OR APPRENTICE PHOTOGRAPHER, SHOW OFF YOUR PHOTOGRAPHY SKILLS AND BE IN TO WIN GREAT PRIZES INCLUDING CANON GEAR, CASH AND A CHANCE TO SPEND TIME WITH FOUR RENOWNED NZ PHOTOGRAPHERS.

Unemployment up to 5pc - less than feared None too drear In a recession conflated By media-driven fear Patch ban will change gang behaviour patches becoming rare - patch manufacturers are salivating Union ad blitz over Air NZ ‘rip-off’ Air New Zealand Just another heartless corporate Who’d have thought? Main trunk line closed after train derails Trains, trains, such a pain That’s why people take automobiles Or a plane.

Terms and conditions apply.

Here she comes: Saudi’s Miss Beautiful Morals Beauty in a burqua: Miss Saudi Arabia Couldn’t make this up.

SEND LETTERS TO nexus@waikato.ac.nz

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LETTER OF THE WEEK

So…many…exclamation…marks!

SMOKERS!! FUCK OFF WITH YOUR POLLUTION!! PH 07

856 68

856

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7 Its time for a whinge!! I have come to the realisation X 0 that some smokers are a bunch of lazy FA 3 681 over the place. What the fuck is wrong with putting arseholes. You throw your cigarette butts856all 07 PH them in the rubbish bin!! Already the nice new shop’s at the village green, where everyone goes to hang out for a coffee and some lunch, is littered with filthy cigarette butts. I don’t want to be looking at that shit when I chow down my sushi. Get off your ass and put it in the rubbish bin!! Or has smoking caused you to have a heart attack when you walk more then twenty steps? What’s even worse is your smoke!! Every time I go to sit down and chill out, some prick comes and sits next to me and lights one up. So I get up and move to a new spot. Again, a smoker lights one up. Do I have a huge fucking sign above my head saying “Hey you! I loved being pissed off by cigarette smoke so come sit next to me and light one up”. FUCK! Finally, I constantly have to walk through university passing through clouds of poisonous smoke that the fellow student or staff members create from their filthy fucking cigarettes. If I had my way I would create designated smoking areas at uni for all you filthy polluters to gather in one spot. I know some universities have done it around the world. Come to think of it! I’m going to do something about it!

Rachel

Why do we even care? How on Earth is a super city in Auckland going to help anyone? I think it’s a stupid idea and will further drain our nations resources into one particular, poorly planned point. The cities involved aren’t even being given the choice of being subsumed by the super city, or at least it looks that way. The only mayor who seems to be happy with the decision is that blow hard John Banks, who is a cocky little thing, somewhere between Paul Henry and Paul Holmes. He appears to think he has the position of ‘super-mayor’ in the bag, simply because he is the most outspoken and smug bastard out of all the mayors in Auckland. Creating this super city will undoubtedly result in the various non-cities it comprises of being under-represented and poorly governed. Say goodbye to paved roads in Waitakere guys.

Send letters to editor@nexusmag.co.nz Letter of the Week wins a $20 Bennett’s voucher! Letters may also be sent via the letters thread at forums.nexusmag.co.nz. We get too many letters to publish these days – but don’t stop sending them! Letters that don’t make it into the mag can be viewed in the forum as well. Txts to the Editor! Nexus now has a non-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Bustedtype situations to 021 235 8436. Letters policy: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Agony

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

PH 07 856 6813 14

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Mmmm… misogyny. Art is better than women. Last year I discovered Nexus. In particular, the absolute hilarity of it. In particular to that, Agony Art. His wit, one-liners and terminology were nothing short of inspired. Therefore, finding this column missing one Monday morning was dumbfounding. Whilst ‘Allah and the Virgin’ merited a chuckle or two, learning about his little soldier’s first mission paled in comparison to it’s predecessor. But finding this replaced with a woman’s ramblings is ridiculous. Now instead of Art’s amazing answers we are faced with ‘The Feminine Files’. Half a page of irrelevant crap that a woman thinks is important. Which means it’s not. If men wanted to expand their feminine knowledge they would read a cookbook or the directions on a bottle of ‘Ajax Spray ‘n’ Wipe’. As for saying the classic booze and bone technique isn’t classy, you may be right. But it’s effective. And if classy got into a fight with effective, effective would fuck it up. I would also like to point out that talking down to a waitress is not awful, or is it even rude.. It is training her to be more aware of her place and therefore make a better wife. If waitresses wanted to be respected they would get better jobs and not be women. Also, yes. I do remember romance. And, yes. I did see a movie about it one time. It was shit. I have also seen many movies that involve violence, offensive language and boobies. And it is these movies that people watch more than once. After reading this and in urgent need of something manly, like beer, sports, building stuff and killing ponies, the already affronted and bored male demographic is faced with a full page dedicated to the to the emotional feelings of a woman’s vagina. An absolute waste of paper rivaled only by adding ‘women’s rights’ to a list of things that matter. The author was correct however in saying that if her vagina was a man it could beat the shit out of someone. Her female brain however, being smaller and less developed than a man’s (Weiten, 2007), failed to realize that if her vagina was a man, it would be a penis. And therefore able to read a map, pee standing up and go to the bathroom without taking friends. But I will talk to your vagina. I would like to ask it when the eggs are going to be ready. As for respecting your vagina and letting it know we think its worth it, we don’t. And it’s probably not. Also, considering you used the word vagina(s) 35 times and wrote the

Next week, write a little guide on CAPS LOCK? Toilet’s little guide to APOSTROPHES. Use an APOSTROPHE to indicate possession: “THE DOG’S BOWL” It tells you the bowl belongs to the dog. USE an APOSTROPHE to indicate a CONTRACTION (omission of internal letters) DON’T (do not) USE AN APOSTROPHE FOR A PLURAL. IT’S (it is) WRONG. THIS IS A UNIVERSITY. PERHAPS WE SHOULD TRY TO APPEAR LITERATE.

sentence, ‘on our way home and try and try to…’ I suggest you put your literary attempts on the backburner until your vagina’s read a book. Or at least learnt a synonym. There are a lot of funny ones out there, such as juice box, party pouch, and fish bucket. In conclusion. Nexus needs Agony Art and more manly stuff. Also, women should not have opinions and concentrate on making things that actually contribute to the world. Like cookies and porn. Billy Bibbit

HE IS LOSING CONTROL! In spite of receiving more money each month than most of us, Ken gambles it all away and has run up huge debts. He spends many hours a day gambling and it is affecting his grades as well as his pocket. He constantly returns to the pokies in order to try and recover his losses, or win more. He wants to stop and gain control over his life, but the urge to gamble is so great he knows he needs help but doesn’t know what to do. The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other inquiries you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 0800FORCAB (0800 367 222). By the way Ken could ring the free national gambling helpline 0800 654 655. They are available until 10pm daily and can provide support, information and referral to a number of specialist supported or self – help programmes. CAB could also tell him of several places in Hamilton that could help.

Sam Douglas. 15

No piss for you! Drinking age going up? I heard today that raising the drinking age is seriously being considered to help stop trouble around the city, and a lot of people are signing petitions supporting it. The busy bodies behind this idea are seriously misguided, and their reasons are so ridiculous it leads me to think that they are simply trying to rock the boat for want of something better to do. In today’s nexus article the reason cited was to stop minors gaining possession of the drug, but criminalising 18-19 year olds for drinking is so obviously not the answer it’s pathetic. Better policing is certainly

it of one of the heavier drinking groups in our society for negotiable gains. This is no doubt a major factor in the idea getting thrown out in previous years. Why the council doesn’t pour a little more of the profits from the lucrative bar night life and alcohol taxes back into putting police on the beat, protecting civilians who are nightly getting assaulted walking the streets I cannot understand. It would no doubt reduce vandalism and roaming groups of islanders (who were recently mentioned in April 23rds Waikato times and I have seen myself), and other less then desirable

a good idea, and I’m sure nobody would disagree, but straight out banning the product is just going to cause problems in itself. Why a 14/15 year old is out drinking is more the communities problem then the parents problem, and why this isn’t seen as obvious by the woman trying to push blame on every 18/19 year old looking to cut a bit loose on a weekend is mystifying to me. I have no doubt if the drinking age was raised to 20 it would seriously fuck up the university experience for first and second years. This makes it an issue for me. Additionally I think it would increase other drug problems, and cost the community thousands of tax dollars by depriving

behaviours occurring around town on a weekend night. It seems almost as if the police simply wish to wash their hands of the problems faced by a significant cross section of the community who wish to walk to a bar, have a few beers and walk home as if they bring these problems on themselves. Though it looks unlikely, If our laws get as hypocritical as Americaswhere at 18 you can go to war but not buy a beer, then that would just be shit and we should really make some kind of protest if it turns out this nonsense is going to go through. from headwards.

Rant of the Week is a competitive column which sees students Ranting on a topic of their choice. Entry is simple: Send your rant of EITHER 500 or 800 words to editor@nexusmag.co.nz and we’ll put the best one into print. This weeks’ Ranting is on the seemingly interminable topic of women, and it’s by Edwin Streep. This is a public service announcement addressed to all of the women of the world. I am on to you. You’ve been running your game for some time now, and you’ve sucked most men on the planet into believing your lies, but no longer! I am here to reveal the truth! PMS is a lie. I know this, you know this, and now the men of Waikato will know this! The whole thing is a feeble construct designed to allow you female-types to excuse one week a month of abusive comments and heightened aggression towards male types. I’ve had enough, and I want it to stop. Seriously. Every guy out there who has ever been beaten by his mother/sister/girlfriend/grandmother/daughter/wife/other, and then told “Oh, it’s just my PMS,” weeps silent, invisible tears for a quarter of each year. Is this good enough? I say no! Cut the crap, ladies, the gig is up. No more abuse, no more bitchiness. We gave you the vote, now give us peace. Men around the world are suffering, and for what? You already have the power. A woman is the neck of the family, and can turn the head any way she wants, so why continue a monthly tirade of abuse and throwing sharp and hurty things?

Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure that periods are a load as well. There’s no such thing. My mother, when I was just a wee lad, walked out of the bathroom in a robe, while I was eating my cornflakes, dripped blood on the floor, AND MADE ME CLEAN IT UP! Why did she do this? To instil the fear of women in me! It didn’t work. I am not afraid of you. No man should be, and no man will be, now that the truth is out there! The abuse has to stop. And for all the ladies out there who “cramp up,” or “get mopey instead of angry,” cut the shit. Playing the sympathy card is just as disgusting to me as trying to knife me once me a month. It’s a conspiracy, guys! And it goes like this: Guy stabs girl and goes to prison for murder, gets labelled a woman-beater, and gets raped by a bull queer named Tiny who calls his penis Gilette, because it’s the best a man can get (in his ass). On the other hand, girl stabs guy, goes to court, cries “It was my PMS,” gets acquitted, no criminal record or anything, while her victim dies in hospital. Girl kills again. I’m on to you. The plumbing is all the same, it is all a lie, and unfortunately, guys are dumb enough to let it keep happening. Do the right thing, ladies, for all our sakes.

The Waikato Studentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Union Presents

Village Green 13th May at 1pm

“It shouldn’t come as a surprise that Urbex is often both illegal and dangerous. Many urban exploration activities involve “infiltration” – accessing a site in a manner that isn’t strictly legal.”

Urban Exploration in the Tron by Joshua Drummond

There’s a container about two meters away, and a meter or two down. I have to jump on to it from a rooftop. The gap between the roof and the container is an easy two meters. This might not seem like much, but I’m not great with heights, it’s dewy and slick on the container’s rusty surface and I’m wearing illsuited, slippery skate shoes. Nasty images go through my head, and my heart pounds. I could jump, land, slip, and go down the gap, backwards and headfirst. Not a good way to go. On the other hand, I could somehow miss the gap through sheer unlucky un-coordination and break my legs. Slightly better, but still something I’d rather avoid. Compounding my vertigo is the knowledge that we’re really not supposed to be here. Any accidents will be met with awkward questions, or even trespass and arrests. I jump anyway. I land, safe, and feel exhilarated. We’re having an adventure in an unloved corner of an unlovely city. It’s urban exploration. Urban exploration, or Urbex to those in the know or with a taste for abbreviations, is as old as cities themselves, but it’s only recently that a trend for exploring the forgotten or forbidden areas of towns and cities has swept the world. Like other niche trends such as dumpster diving and geohashing, Urbex’s profile has been inflated by the internet and wide media coverage. Its rise has seen groups from cities all over the world forming for the purpose of

exploring and documenting the places man built – then forgot. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that Urbex is often both illegal and dangerous. Many urban exploration activities involve “infiltration” – accessing a site in a manner that isn’t strictly legal. Given the fact that sites generally belong to others, trespassing is inevitable. Often sites are guarded, and being caught can be a quick ticket to the local police station. Not to mention that abandoned infiltration targets (or active ones like construction sites) are often inherently dangerous. Urban explorers get around the dubious legality of their operations by, mostly, not being caught, and by leveraging careful anonymity wherever they meet online. Their best protection, though, may be a strict code of ethics, championed by the original urban explorer, the late Jeff Chapman, aka Ninjalicious. “Genuine urban explorers,” says his website, infiltration.org, “never vandalize, steal or damage anything — we don’t even litter. We’re in it for the thrill of discovery and a few nice pictures, and probably have more respect for and appreciation of our cities’ hidden spaces than most of the people who think we’re naughty. We don’t harm the places we explore. We love the places we explore.” Which brings us to urban exploration in Hamilton. It’s often dubbed a staid, boring or just plain ordinary place. On the surface, it may well be all these things. But there’s a hidden side to Hamilton that has its own inner beauty.

My first time was unplanned, quick, nerveracking, and completely exhilarating. I’d joined up with a couple of exploration-happy friends for the Balloons over Waikato Nightglow event at Waikato University. We were walking back, having necked a bottle of $5 wine or so between us, and feeling… mischievous. “Did you know,” said one, who I’ll call Kristov (because codenames are cool,) “that there are tunnels under the University Library?” I did, because some other friends had slipped into the construction site of the Student Hub (currently the University Library) and discovered many strange things. One hinted that antique maintenance tunnels ran under the entire University, just waiting to be discovered. Sadly, he couldn’t remember where the entrance was. We decided to have a look for them. Unnoticed by the tens of thousands of people milling around for the Nightglow, we slipped through a loose fence bearing a sign that said “DANGER! CONSTRUCTION SITE! AUTHORISED PERSONELL ONLY!” and wriggled our way under the Library. It’s true, there are tunnels under the Library. They have full working electric lighting (possibly for the construction workers) complete with doors to nowhere and piles of old junk – we found a money machine and stacks of old lecterns, dusty and forlorn. We slipped through trenches and ducked through caves. It was truly exiting – the childhood buzz of undetected access returned, full-strength. We shouted just to hear the echoes, reasoning

that if any security or police heard us we could probably argue our way out of a trespass notice – it’s a rare burglar that draws attention to himself. We snuck out of the tunnels by a different route, and decided to try some “roofhacking” as the pioneers urban exploration at MIT put it. We found a likely spot and, after some hairraising climbing, soon found ourselves sitting on the roof of K block. We had a great view of the University and surrounds. It was a well-lit night, and was oddly quiet after the Nightglow crowds had departed. We sat down and talked about nothing in particular, and I asked Kristov and his friend Natasha what it was that appealed to them about urban exploration. “Urban Exploring is like backpacking in El Salvador when all your friends are getting drunk in Munich and stoned in Amsterdam. It’s the same thing as hanging out in town, but not as showy and pleasantly grittier,” Natasha said. Kristov agreed. “Everyone has seen the fronts and bottoms of every building in Hamilton,” he said. “It gets old, fast. It might sound lame, but seeing Victoria St or campus from a rooftop is truly refreshing. That and it becomes addictive to watch out for new construction sites or a carelessly tossed ladder. It truly becomes a hobby to sit down during the day and plan out where you will climb at night.” We climbed down from the roof, carefully, and agreed to head out again as soon as possible.

In the break between trips I had the chance to check out what the urban exploration

possible to get onto the roofs of a few Hood Street bars. Happily, it turned out we could.

We made ourselves scarce, and headed for Wintec, where the old F-block building is being

online community had to offer. I was amazed at the diversity of locations various explorers had infiltrated, and the peculiar beauty of the abandoned and otherwise-unnoticed sites they’d been. Many urban explorers are also photographers, and they take great care to document their journeys and try and capture a side of city life few have ever seen. Their forays can often be seen popping up on popular blogsites like BoingBoing. Closer to home, New Zealand has a surprisingly active online urbex community. I was particularly intrigued by a New Zealand-based website, slackninja.com. Its members – most of them kiwis – have found hundreds of unlikely areas to explore and documented many trips on the site. It functions as a combined forum and photo gallery, with explorers helping each other with suggestions for finding new spots and infiltrating existing ones.

If you’re ever in Diggers back bar, look up at the skylight. You might just see some urban explorers looking back at you. We sat up here for a while, minding the slippery roof, and enjoying the ambience of being high above the glass-strewn back alleys of Hamilton’s bar district. Music wafted up to us, agreeably. We hung around here for a bit

torn down.

For our next jaunt, we decided just to walk about Hamilton and explore wherever took our fancy. We started with one of Hamilton’s (only) nice buildings, the Anglican cathedral off Victoria street. Kristov knows how to get onto the roof here, but we contented ourselves with hanging around the surrounds, discovering nooks and crannies. In an area close to the cathedral, we discovered a kind of industrial carpark with a sagging garage roof that took some careful negotiating – leading to my (sort-of) daredevil jump I described back at the beginning. Kristov and Nastasha negotiated it easily, laughing at me a bit. I still felt proud. From here we ran up a ramp near a real-estate building, on my suggestion that it might be

“We’re in it for the thrill of discovery and a few nice pictures, and probably have more respect for and appreciation of our cities’ hidden spaces than most of the people who think we’re naughty. We don’t harm the places we explore. We love the places we explore” before departing for the Toys R Us building, in the hope that we could get a photo op with the jolly bear mascot on the building’s roof. We managed to get onto the top of the building, via a handy container (they’re everywhere, it turns out) and we were headed for the bear when a window slid open on one of the adjacent buildings we’d assumed to be industrial and uninhabited. A fat woman in a nightdress screeched at us. “Excuse me, what are you doing?” she yelled, a pale harpy in the cold night. We told her the truth – we were exploring, and we were sorry for waking her up. This did not impress her. “You’re not meant to be here,” she deduced, loudly. “I’m going to call the police.”

Warning signs about asbestos contamination greeted us. Unfortunately, asbestos contamination is a major occupational hazard of urban explorers. Many take masks with them while on trips – it’s nasty stuff to get in your lungs. We didn’t have masks, but we went in anyway. On the gutted lower levels, we found treasure. There was a large wooden model ship in a room filled with graffiti art and wall scribblings. We found a notebook there. A quick flick through revealed it to belong to local Hamilton urban artist, Noodles. If you’re reading this, Noodles, we’ve still got it. Come into the Nexus office to collect it. We explored dank, dusty corridors, wondering what we were inhaling. We found strange storage rooms with mysterious stains on the walls. Dark staircases and boarded-off doors met us at every turn. It was quite genuinely creepy, in an enticing kind of way. We took photos, and left. This rounded out our night, and, buzzing with the thrill of slightly larcenous entry and seeing what only a few get to see, we left. There are plenty of other places in Hamilton left for us to explore. Via slackninja.org and tools like Google Maps, we’ve found out that Hamilton has wonders like deserted rail-yards, industrial wastelands, abandoned factories, and even an underground railway station! We hope, eventually, to explore them all. After all, what better to breath life into the staid city than to make your own fun? Hamilton’s backside is really quite a beautiful beast. You might even care to explore it for yourself. 21

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Execution Matters arising were dealt with. The financial

Vice President (Maori) Whetu also gave a

policy group was formed of President Delaney,

report was… reported, and Union Manager West congratulated the board on working well with the budget; in fact the funds are around $30,000 ahead of what was planned. Hooray for WSU. The board had their Tuesday morning maths workout and read over the financial numbers and squiggly lines, counting on their fingers and ‘hrrm’-ing convincingly.

quick report, mentioning that a meeting didn’t go too well because Nexus printed the wrong date. The Directors lined up and Nexus received a paddling as required by policy.

Director Hawkes and Directrix Good. Policy review will now be an ongoing agenda item.

President Delaney made a verbal report this week, and detailed his previous weeks adventures. He’s been chatting with Studylink, and talked about how there had actually been a spike in foot traffic over enrolment period, even though most inquiries were about issues that could be dealt with online. Of course, anyone could tell you that the current online Studylink system is an unwieldy bitch and everyone knows they are better off going and talking to the people in the office, who are universally super-helpful. You will be delighted to know that Studylink have a much smoother system planned for implementation in October. Hooray for Studylink. El Presidente also had a teleconference, participated in a Task Force, and was on a Finance Committee that used both white and blue pages. + 5 points to El Presidente for an action-packed adventure. Vice President Delamare also made a report covering more of Kingitanga Day, and informed the board that there had been no negative feedback from Tauranga campus except for some concern expressed that there was no funding provided for coffee and tea. He wished to stress the importance of requesting tea and coffee funding if you want it, as this enables people to know that you want it so they can give it to you.

At 9:56 Director Good arrived to the meeting, and Vice President Whetu left. The issue of more WSU pages in Nexus was raised, and the board discussed it some more. It turns out that the WSU uses less pages than it pays for anyway, the main reason for this being maintaining quality. Director Snell has been pushing for the extra page because groups within the student union covered by his portfolio have been asking for more content aimed at them. Just to comment here, if you want something in Nexus that isn’t there, then finding space is the least of your worries; become a Nexus volunteer and cover the issues that are important to your group. It was decided to approach the Nexus editor with the option of testing one extra page for the rest of semester. Next up, director Hawkes wanted to revise the WSU policy book. Nexus didn’t detect a given reason. This prompted a big discussion; it was brought up that since the constitution was new then the old policy could be irrelevant anyway. At 10:19, Nexus noticed Directrix Good and Directrix Wark gesturing to and quietly discussing the Nexus Busted! page. Nexus turned to its own copy of Nexus to see what the fuss was about, and lo and behold they were looking at scantily-clad women. +5 Sexy points to both Directrixes. El Presidente Delaney also commented from experience that policy revision needs a lot of attention, as it is mostly fine-tuning existing policy. A

The issue of the minutes came up, since it was put on the agenda last week. This discussion slowly and painfully went nowhere. VP Delamare stood up and made an excellent presentation on how fucking annoying this issue is, featuring a massive ring-binder full of existing minutes. Directrix Wark reached for the Nexus straight away. Here is a quote from Director Hawkes, taken out of context: “When an amendment is made, it’s not in any way being made…” In the end, Director Hawkes was asked to take the minutes so that the rest of the board could see what it was he actually wanted, but declined because he thought that (progress) would be a conflict of interest for him. Later on, Director Hawkes asked for reimbursement for getting a virus or something on his computer off the WSU computer; Nexus tuned out for a while but by the time it was paying attention again, the board was voting on whether or not to pay for Director Hawkes’ $25 anti-virus software subscription (his 25-day trial had expired). Most people abstained from voting, and it seemed that no one was actually going to move this ridiculous idea until Directrix Wark finally decided to do something, and the motion was seconded by Directrix Good. Although to her credit, she did suggest maybe taking a look at the WSU computer so it doesn’t happen again. At 11:05 am Nexus the committee entered stealth mode and Nexus wandered out.

Pres Sez by WSU President Pene Delaney …………Silly hat time Graduation is an important time in a person’s life when they see a number of goals fulfilled, goals for themselves personally, for their family, but also their graduation sees others’ achievements. The achievement of those who have supported you, taught you, invested their time. Graduation by its very nature is symbolic of so many things like the knowledge that you hold, the questions you have answered. So as I watch the joy and celebration of those walking across the stage and

people passionate about your chosen field. One that encourages you to push the boundaries of your thinking and stimulates conversation and debate with your fellow peers. As the university changes it is important that we students who are still in the system striving for that goal of moving from student to qualification holder are given this environment. This year, to increase the student voice around experience I have asked to be included in the Student Experience Task Force, Academic

the excitement of family members and loved ones in the audience, I turn my thoughts to the machinery that manufacturer our graduates. It is important to remember that you often will graduate with a piece of paper that has but a few words, however, what those few words should represent is a quality education. One in which you feel supported throughout the journey, through exposure and time with experts and

Programmes Committee and the Research Committee all of which are designed to help increase your learning experience. So if you have an issue you think may be of importance around improving the nature of your experience here at university please contact us so we can convey it to make change. Remember, the goal is to wear that silly hat…..

1B VP Speaks... I am going to take this opportunity to congratulate the Iremonger, for those of you who didn’t have the opportunity to meet her she was one of the Board of Directors last year and graduated last week. The month of May already and we are all on the downhill run, the remaining weeks of this semester will begin to blur and some of you will start to get a bit stressed. All I can say is take a deep breath and don’t panic, last week we were congratulating the latest students to graduate. They all managed to survive what you are now going through so it is possible. On the 29th April I was over in Tauranga to see how the students there are doing and it was good to catch up with some familiar faces and have the opportunity to interact with students that I hadn’t met before. The good news for the WSU is that everyone was happy but that may have had something to do with the soup that I was giving away. Anyway one of the things that I am hoping to achieve this year is getting one of the students from the Tauranga campus to run for a position on the WSU board for 2010. Finally this week the President and I will be in Tauranga this Friday for our students who graduate from that campus so don’t be shy come up and tell us how things are going. 24

Prez

Service Spotlight The WSU family is getting bigger and as such you will find that we will be able to provide more quality services for you our students. This is all in line with the strategic plan that was approved last year. The following is a breakdown of the current staff and their positions. • • • • • • •

David - General Manager Kirsty – Accounts Rachael – Reception Bronwyn (Bron) – Orientation/Activities Shannon C – Clubs/Activities Moria – Advocacy Shannon K – Advocacy

Over the next few weeks the staff members who haven’t already introduce themselves to you in Nexus will get the opportunity to do so. We are fortunate to have such dedicate staff and I would like to take this opportunity to thank them for all of the great work that they have done for all of us so far this year.

Student Question WSU Nexus Pages

Have you ever wondered how the WSU pages get filled each week? Well sometimes I find myself wondering as well, partly because as Vice President I am responsible for organising it to happen.

their words should be. I refuse to chase them up and remind them, it’s almost a welcome to the real world thing where you are expected to

Thankfully our wonderfully Vice President from last year Olivia left me her roster spreadsheet that she used. I’m sure that I would have eventually figured out a roster was required but hey why reinvent the wheel. Anyway some of you may remember that in an earlier edition of Nexus I put in a complete breakdown of whom and what we your Board should be writing. The most important thing was that it should be relevant, informative and interesting. As with much of what we encounter in life this is very much down to individual taste and we will never be able to please everyone. Fortunately it is not often that Directors forget to put in their articles, however if they do you get to see a photo of them in the space where

know what and when to do things and not be spoon-fed. Last year as a Director I was unaware of how often both Moria and Olivia would spend doing articles when Directors failed to meet the deadline of 5pm Tuesday. I always thought that magic elves came out at night and filled in the blank spaces with words of wisdom. This may also explain why some of my essays and lit reviews get returned with red writing on them saying I have no idea what you are trying say here or just large question marks which I took to mean that the Riddler had marked my paper. Back to reality, and let’s see if you can guess which Directors missed this week’s deadline.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON CAMPUS PARKING Would you pay for it? email president@wsu.org.nz 25

Student Question WSU Nexus Pages

Have you ever wondered how the WSU pages get filled each week? Well sometimes I find myself wondering as well, partly because as Vice President I am responsible for organising it to happen.

their words should be. I refuse to chase them up and remind them, it’s almost a welcome to the real world thing where you are expected to

WHATS YOUR THOUGHTS ON CAMPUS PARKING Would you pay for it?

email president@wsu.org.nz 25

Disabilities Portfolio By Dave the Bogan

I’ve been given the opportunity to put in some more stuff about my portfolio which will hopefully be reasonably regularly. In this I wanted to just raise awareness of some of the experiences and thoughts on being a student with a disability, with the odd amusing story thrown in. If there are any students with disabilities reading this who would like to share some of their own stories either privately or for publication, email me at dms25@waikato.ac.nz. Probably the most important thing to remember for those people who do not have a disability is that students with disabilities are people too. People say what’s in a name and I recognize that it may seem pedantic, but names are important. One of my favourite authors, Terry Pratchett, once said that the origin of all sin begins with treating people like objects. So that’s why when it comes to names and labels it pays to recognize the people factor. Personally I don’t say “they’re epileptic”, I say “a person with epilepsy”. Often people say that its political correctness gone mad, but I think too often the phrase political correctness is thrown around in order to end the discussion or to distract from the real issue. Is it really that much of a hassle to add two words? Some students with disabilities don’t care what the label is, and that’s alright, but some do and you’ve got to respect that. Even the word disability itself has some problems because people look at you funny as if you’re going to infect them or something. I guess in my waffley way, I’m saying that words do have power and that the best rule of thumb is just be respectful of how people feel when you’re talking to them or about them.

Upcoming Events

4. End of Semester Party is coming

WSU Board Meeting 12 May 9-11 AM in Guru Phabians – If you need directions ask at WSU reception

5. Snow Games are coming

1. Lindon Puffin 13 May on the Village Green from 1-2pm Come down to the village green and support kiwi music

2. WSU Culture Day 20 May on the Village Green from 12-2pm Take the opportunity to see and experience some of your fellow student’s culture, there will be cultural performances and stalls

3. International Students Noho Marae 22-23 May The WSU helping International students experience Maori culture. The experience includes an overnight stay on a Marae.

28 August – 3 September in Wanaka Snow, snow and more snow; start getting your dollars sorted and don’t miss out on this great event. More information will be put out as it comes to hand.

SEND NOTICES TO: notices@nexusmag.co.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. Placing notices is free for students. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Notices cannot be any more than 75 words. We will not accept handwritten or non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta.

RANDOM STUFF FILM / CAMERA PERSON WANTED Do you love film?! Do you love working a camera?! I have a master plan for a great film and just need a lil help to film some DANCE over an afternoon....(most likely later on in the year) TEXT ME!!! 027 251 7093 :-) Any riders or skiers who are keen to come to Wanaka for the Winter Uni Games this season, want to save coin and car pool to Ruapehu or interested in joining the Waikato Uni Ski and Snowboard Club email wusssa@gmail.com or ring Natalie 027 329 1713. Chur Belly Dance Classes: Great Fun and Good Exercise! Beginners Classes start Wednesday 13 May. For more info email nzbellydancer@ hotmail.com. Fencers Wanted Waikato Swords Fencing Club looking for new members of all skill levels. at AgResearch (Farmers) Hall, on Ruakura Campus from 7-9pm on Mondays. Check out http://www. sportsground.co.nz/waikatoswords for more info or email Simon at sdw9@waikato.ac.nz Babysitter Available I am Jess and I’m 18 years old. I’m available to babysit kids of any age weekends and after school as well as over night if necessary. I am doing a Bachelor of Teaching, and have done a lot of babysitting so I am very experienced and have references available to prove this. I am reliable and trustworthy and adore working with kids. My rates are $13 an hour usually, however this is negotiable over longer stretches of times or for other reasons. Regular work can also be negotiated. Please feel free to contact me on 0212103982 or 0277524700 WoolOn Creative Fashion Event- Entries Now open

The organizers of the annual WoolOn Creative Fashion event have opened registrations for this years design competition. WoolOn encourages the creative use of New Zealand Wool products in fashion design. There is a range of categories to enter, with the Supreme winner being awarded $2,000. WoolOn is part of the iconic Alexandra Blossom Festival and will take place in Alexandra on October 3. For further information and entry forms, contact Rebecca at Rebecca@innerwink.co.nz ,or 03 3772823. Vocalist (either gender) wanted for active rock band, mixture of covers and originals. Energy, enthusiasm and some modicum of talent required, in that order of importance. If interested, contact Smash on 0276661854. Drummer wanted for established act. No exp. necessary. Hot chick preferred. Bogan/filth ok. Must have own sticks. No freaks. www.myspace.com/caneofpunishment

FLATS AND MATES Flatmate wanted Looking for a cool, social, clean & tidy person to add to our flat of 3 flatties (2 guys and a girl). Awesome spacious 2story house on Hillcrest Rd for $90 rent wkly, parking space provided. Nice room with big wardrobe, fits queen bed fine. We cook separately and it would be a bonus if you have a lounge suite 4 our downstairs lounge. Call/text me on 0277566055 to check it out! Flatmate wanted: Peachgrove Rd, close to uni and Town. 3 current flat mates, 2girls, 1guy. Double bedroom with wardrobe. Big house, plenty of off st parking and single garage. Gas water and heating, wireless

broadband. $90 a week excluding expenses. Call or Text 027 3197367 FLATMATE WANTED: $120 pw includes: rent, power, phone, internet, sky. Tidy house, good size room, close to Uni - Cameron road. Existing flatmates are three female Uni students. If interested phone (07) 856 3931 or email jam51@waikato.ac.nz Flatmate wanted for B Semester 2009 only. $100 rent pw plus power/gas, internet and food. Three other second-year flatmates, two guys, one girl. Would like someone fairly quiet as this is a reasonably sober flat. Current flatmate is going overseas on exchange for one semester. Large double room on sunny side, double wardrobe, off-street carpark, 4 min walk to shopping centre, short walk to uni. Locked room, one person only preferred. Room furnished neg. Text 0274955203 or 0272153531 if interested please. To rent: Outside self contained studio, small, fully furnished, own cooking facilities, independent from house. Shower, bath and toilet inside house (close to room) Suitable for one person only. In Ham East beside river. Short walk to town and university. Quiet area, suit mature student who wishes a quiet environment to complete their studies. someone who likes cats. Off street parking Price: inclusive of room, power, $115.00pw with wireless & tele $125.00pw flatmate wanted to flat with 3 guys all 19. 2 at uni and 1 at tec. flat on old farm road close to uni. about 1 minute skate. has good set up will just need your own stuff. room available is the largest, sunny during the day. 150 a week including everything, boardband, food, power all that. female or male not fussed. smokers ok, no pets. ring or txt 027 7636293 if keen.

THE NERDARY

THE FEMININE FILES By Mavis and Gertrude

Copy, Paste, RegEx, Drag, Drop, Copy, Paste, RegEx, Drag, Drop, Copy, Paste, RegEx, Drag, Drop...

Seems some poor boys misunderstood our last column. If you’d read carefully, you would have noticed that that information was aimed at both males and females! Manners will improve everyone’s dating lives. Unfortunately, it seems that some girls have a fear of the dating concept. Let me spell it out for you girls: Dating is a class act. It is totally safe, provided you meet up in a public place (e.g. a restaurant) – significantly safer than meeting a guy in a bar and going back to his place. In a restaurant, no bad stuff will happen. You will sit, eat, talk, and maybe even laugh.

by Jed Laundry

The above is my routine for a Monday morning, getting all the Nexus content online. It’s a great way to find bugs in your code, doing it yourself; no users trying to half-heartedly explain problems (no offence Josh, you’re much better than “regular” users in the explanation department). It also gives me something to talk about; the more advanced ways of editing that save time so that I can get on with more productive tasks, like unlocking achievements in TF2. And so now I’m going to try to explain to the non-BCMSes why they should use Regular Expressions when they’re writing as well. ...Copy, Paste, RegEx, Drag, Drop... Regular Expressions have been around for half a century now (maybe longer), so support for it is built into most programming languages and a decent pile of decent editors (like OpenOffice). It’s really basic to learn how to make a regular expression, but reading them... takes some practice. So what is a regular expression? Well, it’s just a way of representing characters in a computer-readable way. So for example, \d means search for a digit character. \w means search for a lower-case letter, upper-case letter, digit or underscore. \w+ means search for a string of word characters, at least 1 character in length. [a-e] means search for a character between a and e. \w{2,5} means search for a string of word characters that is repeated between 2 and 5 times. So by using simple logic you should be able to tell that [\w\.]+@[\w-]+[\.a-zA-Z] matches an email address. See, simple! So how are they helpful? Say, for example, you have a large document that you need to search through and find a phone number. You could try skimming through the document a few thousand times looking for it, or you could use a regular expression (although it could get complex as some people seem to like to write their phone number a fucked up manner, like 0274 00 0000 or 0210000 000) Or perhaps like me you have to convert text to have a line space between paragraphs, you could spend forever doing it by hand or run it through a simple regular expression. Just remember kids; if you’re using the mouse when writing, you’re doing it wrong.

Perhaps this is the scary part: TALKING. In this day and age, a time of emails and texts, we have plenty of time to come up with clever little quips and responses. In reality, response time is limited. Being witty is tricky when you have less time to come up with it. It takes skill. People are now terrified of face-to-face conversation in a one-on-one situation. Easier in a bar, where you just let your fingers do the talking, huh? Silence is much “Perhaps this is the less intimidating when it’s on a MSN screen. scary part: TALKING. Get over it! Everyone has conversation skills. Sure, it’s scary and awkward talking to a new person. But hey, it’s fun! You find stuff in common. You laugh. And if it really is the blocks of silence you dreaded, then you know not to date them again in the future.

In this day and age, a time of emails and texts, we have plenty of time to come up with clever little quips and responses. In reality, response time is limited”

Please girls, give guys a chance when they ask you out. Take a risk. Say YES PLEASE THAT WOULD BE LOVELY WHAT TIME SUITS YOU. If we don’t say yes, the boys will stop asking, and then life will be lame. Hamilton is loaded with excellent places to eat and drink. Make the most of it. Mavis and Gertrude love to date, that’s how we met our boyfriends. Gertrude always used to say yes to dates unless the guy gave her severe pervy vibes. In that case, it’s totally fine to say no. As a result, she’s got some great dating stories, which are much more fun to hear than drunken-sex-gone-wrong stories, which are way too much information. Guys, watch who you’re choosing. The fact is, some girls are never going to go for the whole dating concept, they’ll be slutting it up til they’re 58 and wondering why the young ‘uns don’t go for their Madonna-hotness. And girls, avoid the creepy dude who tries to get you to go to his place in his panel van. He lies. He’s dirty. Fear dodgy people, but fear not the dates! The dates are innocent! Dates are your friend! Dates get you boyfriends, fun times, funny stories, food, and maybe even laid. Trust us. We know. Just say YES.

YOUR PHYSICAL EDUCATION

VITAMINC

Keep Rollin’ Rollin’ Rollin’

If I can’t get your attention in any other way than to tell you how to get through anything, ever, then I will. Smile, and nod. At everything. This is the basic principle. Any social interaction can be completely defused, even bypassed, by smiling and nodding. You can expand this, or finetune it, by branching out to laughing and agreeing. With anything. Laugh at whatever someone says, just passively, followed by a “yeah”. If you’re bored you can then make a comment of your own. This can work if you know something about the subject, but it’s certainly not

By Kirill

Hello children. As the writer for Rec Center I’m meant to bring you lots of exciting news about sports (the University has them, you can play them, or watch them) and gym things (there are classes and facilities, you can use them, or…watch them). But today I will digress a little, and tell you about something I saw at the gym. But before I do, let me introduce myself. I was born in a country that isn’t this one. My country had a funny government system. I am now stuck with a perpetual hate for “the man”, also, I hate things that “the man” does. Do you know what the man does? I do. He makes you use funny multibladed razors for shaving. He makes you wear strange multi-sprung cushion inflatable Nike running shoes. He makes you do isolation exercises. He tells you that spot fat reduction on the stomach is possible through sit ups. He tells ya to eat no carbs. The man doesn’t tell you about how to work out, how to understand and read what your own body tells you…he wants you to get fat and broken… he then turns it into profit…possibly. I don’t trust the man. Subsequently I often seek and find articles on alternatives to things that the man offers me. I use a single bladed safety razor. The majority of my work outs are done in Converse Hi-Tops (probably the best shoe for weight lifting. I eat carbs, fat and I do it after midnight (running both the risk of obesity and Gremlins). I always find it interesting to read about the effects that modern life has on the body and how to counter it. The other day at the gym I spied an item I have been reading about. The foam roller. Which, as the name might suggest, is a roller made out of foam. You roll on it, on those muscles you just worked out. It hurts…a lot… and it helps you. In essence using a foam roller involves nothing more than leveraging your body weight onto the roller, and rolling it up and down a certain muscle (at same time). When you hit a spot on your muscle that hurts like hell (like a muscle knot), you keep the roller in that spot until it stops hurting. That action is the magic. By some sort of steam punk alchemy Wikkan magic, your muscles have receptors that react to tension change in muscles. The intense localized tension increases from foam rolling, makes the muscle relax intensely when pressure is removed. This allows it to form back into the form it was designed to be. (For more details it is best to just Google it). Subsequently you can work off those muscle knots you have. Any changes to your muscles shapes from misuse (you will definitely have this if you are a student, sitting at desks a lot and all) will also begin to restore to what they should be. Extended use can help realign your posture and hip muscles… you will then be attractive enough for me to hit on you.

Starring vitaminC in “Hey, wait, I’m having one of those things... you know, a headache with pictures.”

required. Throw in a disagreement, or swap “yeah” for “right” to keep people on their toes. Some people won’t even notice while others will think you’re a jackass, but it’s unlikely that anyone will ever call you up on it. The real comedy comes from using this approach to non-social situations, like an incoming collision. I can assure you, without a shadow of a doubt, that if the last thing someone sees before a head-on collision with your car is you making eye contact with them through the windscreen, smiling and nodding, then they will be totally psyched out. Especially if the accident was their fault. There’s another Terminator movie coming out. Does anyone no if it will be any good? No, no-one does. Apparently there’s a cyborg and all sorts of stuff going on. And a big twist! As someone who always enjoyed Lost, I’d like to take this moment to smugly laugh at everyone who said Heroes and Prison Break and Jericho and whatever were all better and Lost was making it all up as they went along. While those shows were pretty good, especially season one of Prison Break (which should have ended after the prison break), the fact the writers of those shows really were making it all up as they went along has left each show in ruins. Campus has been really empty. I don’t see a lot of people there when I’m roaming about (which isn’t often). I would have expected to see more people chilling out by the grass and stuff. How odd. CBD does a great pub quiz on Thursday nights. I think trivia and general knowledge is great. The loosely affiliated Nexus team just saved up a grand worth of prizes (bartab) and spent it all the other night. I think it would be cool to see even more students there. I like things that are so great that they never get old. There aren’t many. My favourite movies are packed with stupid jokes that never ever get old. They get funnier because you know they’re coming. The best roller-coaster I’ve been on was an old wooden one in Sydney. You could never be sure if it was supposed to seem like today was the day its safety record failed. Hahaha, yeah.

With resident Nexus psychic Luna Goodlove

Aries (21 March – 19 April): Your card for this week is

Scorpio (23 October – 29 October): You are the Queen of

the King of Wands. You have a supreme belief in your own

Cups. Tried using a mooncup? The other hippies in my gypsy

power, brought on by Jupiter being in Taurus or something. Or

caravan park do. You are mysterious, loving and sensual. It’s

it’s because your mommy told you that you were the bestest.

a very feminine card, but guys, go with it. You’ll probably get

But my crystal ball says you’re quite sexual, flamboyant, and

laid more because you understand chicks better. The god Ares

charismatic. Hmmmm. You sound a little fruity. Watch out

is doing his booty dance, so you’ll get some loving soon. Have

for some setbacks this month. They may make you more

fun!

compassionate. DEAR GOD NO!!

Taurus (20 April – 20 May): Happy birthday, slut! Your card

Ophiuchus (30 October – 21 November): I’ll say it. I like Popcorn Chicken. Your card is the... uh, Page of Pentacles.

is the Queen of Pentacles, which means you are prosperous,

The ideal student, enthusiastic and focused. Ha. The stars are

happy, and fertile (!). Make sure you use birth control, unless

saying something about a white buffalo woman, but I’m not

you’re keen to shit that particular pumpkin. Make sure you

following. Maybe you can figure that crazy shit out. I’m not

maintain your connection to the simple things this month. The

high enough.

stars think you’re getting a bit up yourself. They’re right, as always.

Gemini (21 May – 20 June): You are the Knight of Swords,

Sagittarius (22 November – 21 December): You are the Knight of Wands. The traits are energetic, adventurous, and chivalrous. I hope this comes across in the bedroom. You’ll be

braver than any other sign, because you have a sword for a

set for life! Apparently you’re not the most loyal lover though.

tool – er, weapon. You’ll charge into any situation head on,

All the points you just gained are lost. Lame. The gods say you

even if your friends think you’re abit nuts. Beware of being too

will have delays on a project. Whether or not this is related to

aggressive. Try listening to people. Zeus is trying to tell you that

your own procrastination is unclear at this time.

in your dreams, but you never pay attention. Douche.

Cancer (21 June – 22 July): Your card is the King of Cups.

Capricorn (22 December – 19 January): Your card is the King of Pentacles. A pentacle is a five-pointed star, by the way.

You are emotional and artistically inspired. You should’ve

Just so you know what you rule. Very happy, you like being

gone to see the Monet exhibition in Te Papa. It was amazing.

the boss of everything and you like wealth and success (who

This month, avoid outbursts of suppressed emotion. Hold it in

the fuck doesn’t?) But without your material belongings you

longer, I bet that’s good for you. Take risks, but not stupid ones.

feel like a nothing. Hang out with your friends some more, to

I mean come on, you’re still a wuss inside.

remind yourself that you don’t completely fail at life.

Leo (23 July – 22 August): You are the Queen of Wands!

Aquarius (20 January – 18 February): Did you win a

Awesome, beautiful, strong and sexy. But you know that

raffle? Yes? I knew it. I am so incredibly psychic! You are the

already. You’re a bit overwhelming to people without your

Queen of Swords. You’re apparently the Queen of Sorrow, but

awesomeness. Be nice to them. They are simple minions. This

not actually depressed or sad. Goddess Athena is giving you

month, it is up to you to help others in trouble, much like a

a high five. She can so totally relate, yo. You believe in truth,

Waikato Superman or Wonder Woman. But be quick, or it’ll get

justice, and the Amer... uh, powerful minds. Be careful not to

boring. You can wear a sexy costume though.

be manipulative or narrow-minded this month. Tough in this

Virgo (23 August – 22 September): Knight of Pentacles.

town, I know.

You’re kind, responsible and hardworking. And a virgin,

Pisces (19 February – 20 March): You are the Knight of

hehehehe. I don’t like the name Virgo. I think I’ll change it to

Cups. Your heart rules your head. You’re a dreamer, and you

Skulls. Way more badass. This week you are bored with your life

like romance, but you don’t want to get involved in it. Emotions

and want more excitement. I’m not surprised. Try base jumping.

are waaaay too intense. The god Thor is telling you to harden

Libra (23 September – 22 October): King of Swords! Sweet!

the fuck up. Emotions are awesome. Just don’t cry in class. Eat cookies. Cookies have endorphins. It’s science.*

You’re powerful, smart, fair and strong. What a dreamboat. But you don’t respect emotions enough. NOT COOL, man. You try to dominate people a lot. Maybe try taking some orders for a change. Like from your sexual partner. Fun times may follow. Maybe. Use a safe word, like banana.

*May not actually be science.

Auteur House Presents: The French New Wave By Dr Richard Swainson

The French New Wave or Nouvelle Vague is a term used to describe the revolution in Gallic cinema that began in 1958. A large number of innovative directors made their debut around that time, including Claude Chabrol, Francois Truffaut, Jacques Rivette, Agnes Varda, and Jean-Luc Godard. Two other figures who started their feature career slightly earlier, Louis Malle and Alain Resnais, are also generally thought part of the movement.

met with box office success gave in to the temptation of big budgets and high production values and were often guilty of the very practices that so bothered them as journalists.

Many of these directors had worked as film critics, primarily for journal “Cahiers du Cinema”. As writers they railed against the concept of the “well made film”, the tasteful, studio shot product that they felt was smothering individual artistic expression in the medium. The theory of the director as auteur - or author - of a film was posited by these writers who championed American movie makers whose personal stamp was evident in their work despite the restrictions of the Hollywood system. Alfred Hitchcock was particularly revered.

As befitting a business which takes its name from the Nouvelle Wave critics, Auteur House has recently acquired the feature which is commonly thought the first New Wave effort, Claude Chabrol’s “Le Beau Serge”.

At inception, however, the Nouvelle Wave was all about individual personal expression and liberating the camera. Location shooting, on a budget, often meant filming in the streets and actual houses.

When it came to directors closer to home those considered worthy of the title auteur were the great French humanist Jean Renoir, his minimalist countryman Robert Bresson and the Italian Neo-Realists, especially Roberto Rossellini.

Chabrol later evolved into the most openly Hitchcockian of his contemporaries but his debut is actually closer in tone to Renoir. Shot in his home town, and financed by his spouse’s inheritance money, “Le Beau Serge” has both technical virtuosity and a raw dramatic intensity. The plot involves a sickly university student’s return home and his attempts to save his childhood best friend from a life of squalor and alcoholism. A Catholic ending of sacrifice and transcendence is something Bresson himself would be proud of, one that attains its power from a context of banality, spiritual impoverishment and incest.

As film makers themselves they were a diverse group. Each of their careers developed somewhat differently and those whose work

Auteur House stocks many other New Wave classics, particularly those of Godard and Truffaut.

“The French New Wave or Nouvelle Vague is a term used to describe the revolution in Gallic cinema that began in 1958”

DVD: Adam’s Apples Directed by Anders Thomas Jensen

This is one fucked up movie. I watched it with Art Focker and we both came away from it seriously disturbed. Given our rather disturbed personalities that’s really saying something. This movie has more “what the fuck?” moments than some of the rather specialist videos that Focker sometimes shows me on the Internet. The plot centres on Adam, a neo-nazi who gets sent to a small rural church for his community service (I don’t think the movie actually says what the crime was). The church is run by Ivan, a very strange priest (maybe that makes him normal?). Also at the church is Gunner who is an alcoholic sex offender, Khalid who is a Saudi Arabian hell-bent on ridding the world of the oil company that stole his family’s land, and later Sarah an alcoholic struggling to come to terms with a pregnancy that could leave her as a single parent of a severely intellectually disabled baby. Scarily in all of this Adam is the closest thing to a voice of reason and

Reviewed by Burton C Bogan

manages to manipulate the priest into setting a seemingly easy goal of baking a pie from the church’s only apple tree. This proves to be a very hard task, so instead Adam decides to try and “cure” the priest of his various problems by psychologically breaking him. I really want to describe the story better than this, but that would ruin some of the more memorable what the fuck moments. The movie is a comedy, but an incredibly dark one, and at various stages we would very quickly move from laughing our heads off to staring at the screen silently disturbed. The cast and acting are brilliant, except for perhaps the lead role of Adam by Ulrich Thompson (most notably from Hitman) who is a bit wooden – although this may just be his portrayal of skinheads. As you can imagine, this is a small independent film made in Denmark. Yes that means that it’s subtitled but you would really be missing an awesome film if you let that

put you off. Also small parts of it are a bit unbelievable, people are not that bullet-proof, but again it’s a movie so some suspension of disbelief should be activated. Otherwise an awesome film. My only query is: What the hell was he going to do with that egg plant?

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CITRIC: NZ Music Month Nick Johnston

May. It’s that time of year again when ‘the best music New Zealand has to offer’ relentlessly saturates TV and radio across the country. Because there are usually a lot of selfcongratulatory articles during May discussing how great and vibrant our music culture is in New Zealand, I wish to express a point of rebuttal. NZ on Air is a government broadcast funding agency, and its music division has one specific goal: to get more New Zealand music played on New Zealand TV & Radio. Unlike a lot of art-based grants, the intentions are

cannot answer that question, but I can make an educated guess based on their funding trends. First of all, the NZ on Air board will look at what is new and fresh overseas. They will spot an emerging trend and then they will search through their applicants until they find a musician who fits that trend. A few months will pass and the grant will be given to the artist to produce a music video or an album, or even just a single. A few more months will pass as the musician records their masterpiece. Even more months will pass before the music or video reaches the public. By the stage it is

no doubt saw this, and so began the hunt for New Zealand’s ‘Amy Winehouse’. By the time Gin Wigmore received funding for her debut EP, overseas clones were already releasing albums such as Duffy (I’m not saying her songs were written to imitate Amy Winehouse, just saying she would not have received the funding or publicity if they weren’t in a similar style). I’m sure Gin Wigmore is a very talented musician, but NZ on Air missed the boat with her funding and the pop world has already moved onto new trends. A mandate to clone art for commercial

purely commercial. Only problem is that their antiquated business model is no longer commercially viable in this day and age. The majority of New Zealand on Air music video funding goes towards established bands with a proven track record (recent grants went to Pluto, Savage, Boh Runga of Stellar and Nathan King, formerly of Zed). So you might be wondering how new artists are chosen to join this pantheon of privileged musicians who dominate the airwaves. I

released, the overseas trend will often be in decline and the New Zealand clone will quietly fade away into obscurity. To make an example of my theory here, I will use Gin Wigmore as an example. Amy Winehouse became massively popular in 2006 worldwide with her second album Back to Black. Her mix of pop with soul, rhythm & blues, and many other styles became very popular and record companies across the world were looking for the next big thing. NZ on Air

purposes would never hold up in the local visual arts community, or even the local film community. Why shouldn’t our primary funding body for music in New Zealand think in a similar manner? To celebrate New Zealand Music Month, I will feature more rants and complaints about NZ on Air, record company politics, and the overall state of New Zealand’s commercially popular music.

ALBUM REVIEW

Bruce Springsteen - Working on a Dream I was a bit slow on discovering Bruce Springsteen. For the longest time I only associated him with a song featuring an awful synthesiser and a music video with Courtney Cox; something about dancing in the dark... that was until last year when I listened to The Boss properly for the first time. After lapping up Darkness on the Edge of Town, I quickly went out and purchased a copy of Born to Run, just to see what all the fuss was about. A couple of hundred plays later, I can safely say it’s safely made its way into my five favourite albums. Working on a Dream is one of his most varied albums and has very little consistency throughout. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it does mean that the casual listener will pick out their favourite tracks quickly, and no doubt skip those they don’t like. Upon second and third listen, I found myself skipping out the bluesy rock track Good Eye (where he sounds creepily like Chris Cornell) and the title track (a bit too earnest and cheesy for my liking).

With the exception of those tracks, the rest have been great fun to listen to. The wild west adventure of Outlaw Pete flies past, despite the 8 minute length. My Lucky Day is a great first single from the album and deserves more airplay than it seems to be getting. Two tracks in particular stood out for me, Queen of the Supermarket and This Life. Strangely enough, these are the cheesiest tracks on the album, yet they are so comfortable and vocal about their cheesiness it just seems to work. Lush arrangements accompany both of the songs, including a fantastically bittersweet saxophone solo from Clarence Clemons to conclude This Life. I was weary of the Brendon O’Brien production (with the exception of the new Mastodon album, his CV is patchy to say the least … Audioslave, Velvet Revolver, Papa Roach, The Offspring etc). I was uncertain if I was going to enjoy his interpretation of the Springsteen sound I had become accustomed to over the last year or so. My conclusion after listening

to the album is that it suits some of the tracks better than others. The album wraps up with a tribute to fallen E Street member Danny Federici called The Last Carnival and the bonus track The Wrestler, which was unfairly overlooked at the Academy Awards this year in favour of two songs from Slumdog Millionaire. It’s a flawed album, no doubt, but it has moments of brilliance that definitely shouldn’t be ignored just because some of the songs fall flat. If you don’t listen to it expecting a Darkness on the Edge of Town or Born to Run, Bruce Springsteen fans should find a lot to like in this album.

Rating: 3.5/5

The Godfather: Part Two EA Games

Reviewed by John Duckett I really enjoyed the first Godfather game both on PS2 and Wii, but it got trashed by most other games reviewing people, so bear that in mind when reading this review.

“You have to go in to a building that could be a warehouse or a whorehouse or a restaurant or something and convince the owner to pay you protection money instead of some other gang, whose members you’ve probably just slaughtered in order to get to the owner”

Godfather II roughly follows the events of the story laid out in the films and novels, with you assuming the role of a previously unknown character who is inserted into scenes and background events of the movie. After the meeting with Hyman Roth in Cuba, the protagonist from the last Godfather game is killed and your new character takes his place at the head of his crime family, working for the Michael Corleone. The game is about taking over New York and then Florida, racket by racket. You have to go in to a building that could be a warehouse or a whorehouse or a restaurant or something and convince the owner to pay you protection money instead of some other gang, whose members you’ve probably just slaughtered in order to get to the owner. You have to further convince him by throwing him around, beating him up, dangling him out the window, kneecapping his whores, that kind of thing. You do this over and over again, for each different racket. But it doesn’t get boring, because the combat is fun and very violent. Gunplay involves a cover system, and you lock on to you enemy and then fine-tune where in his body you want to drop some lead. It’s intuitive and effective. Enemy AI is workable, but not fantastic. This is pretty much the same as the first game.

The new part is where you run your own crime empire. This involves recruiting guys to follow you around (you can dress them up how you like) and managing their skills and upgrades like your own. You are in charge of who your underboss and capos are, and what they do. So you might have a posse of three guys (all have different skills like arson, lockpicking, engineering, etc that your character can’t have) follow you around, while keeping the rest in reserve to deal with any attacks on your businesses. The Don’s view is used to manage this, which is a big menu system for monitoring other families activity and so on. It works well enough. You can order your made men to attack other families rackets in order to disrupt their operations, and the tactical play gets quite rewarding. At the point I’m at, the game is playing like an RTS, where every now and then I have to go to the Don’s view, see what is happening, secure resources and defend against attacks, and send my men off on jobs while at the same time playing through the story bits and taking care of important matters myself. Just like a real Don. I like it because it tries hard to be faithful to the Godfather entity, and the GTA crossed with Total Annihilation game-play is quite the rarity. It’s just a shame that of all the things to leave out of Godfather II, we don’t even get a glimpse of any old-school Vito Corleone crimeempire-forging. That would have been a treat.

Comic Review: Pyongyang By Guy Delisle

Reviewed by Louise Blackstock Pyongyang is an intriguing graphic novel. It has no clear adventure, with a fancy ending and hot co-stars. It is simply the tale of Guy’s time working at an animation company. What makes it special? The company is in Pyongyang, North Korea, and Guy is one of

the same time as his stay in Pyongyang, he reads 1984 by George Orwell and finds some creepy parallels between Big Brother and North Korea’s Dear Leader. Through Guy’s eyes, we see the weird habits and ways of the North Korean people, and

the very few Westerners permitted to enter the secretive, Communist nation. His travels – even down the street to the foreigners pub – are strictly controlled, and he is under the constant watch of a Korean-born translator, who is completely indoctrinated to the Dear Leader’s cult of personality. Portraits of Kim Jong-Il and his deceased father, Kim Il-Sung, are in every room watching you. At

understand the huge amount of propaganda they are fed daily. North Korea is the only country in the world to not be connected to the internet, and they must rely merely on what they are told by the Kims. His attempts to enlighten them and play his own choice of music are funny, except they’re so tragically true. It’s creepy, and difficult to believe that the residents are so dedicated to the man who

keeps them in poverty and ignorant of the world outside. The story is clearly drawn and well-written, an enticing tale for those who are fascinated by the idea of the hidden, corrupted nation that is North Korea. Well worth a read.

Careers Fair @ Waikato http://www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/careers

WEL ENERGY TRUST ACADEMY OF PERFORMING ARTS CENTRE Wednesday 20 May 2009 10am – 2pm Organisations attending include:

Telecom Teach NZ Industrial Research Plant & Food Research The Warehouse Mighty River Power Graduate Opportunities Kelly Services Recruitment Carter Holt Harvey Kinleith Crown Forestry Rental Trust REd Teachers IEP NZ Transport Agency Collage of Law 37

Gig listings courtesy of Hamilton Community Arts Councill.

GIG GUIDE Musicians, bands, and other performers! Send your gig listings to gigs@nexusmag.co.nz – and we’ll print them, free of charge! Get yourself known! A Little Swing Concert In this concert the 100 voice Cantando Choir presents a selection of well-known swing pieces from way back, mixed in with modern jazz numbers. With some superb guest artists including tenor-sax player Michael Stewart from Adelaide, Hamilton Big Band, Hillcrest High School Scat Choir, and local soloist Fiona and David Artis. Sat 16 May 2009 - Sun 17 May 2009 Cost: Adults $30, Students $15 Tickets from Choir members , WEL Academy or Hamilton Libraries Time: 4pm Where: WEL Energy Academy of Performing Arts, University of Waikato, Knighton Road Further details: Janet Hanfling 07 8553 551 janet.hanfling@xtra.co.nz www.cantando. org.nz Comedy Junkie - Special Offer for Comedy Shows The 5th Anniversary Hamilton Circle Jerk Contact 88.1 fm and Mammoth Gig Guide presents.... Hamilton Bands covering Hamilton

Bands. Featuring.... Goulash Archipelago, Doteyes, Dynamo Go, The Shrugs, Sora Shima, Knights of the DUB Table, The Prime Numbers, Radiator, Dick Dynamite and the Doppelgangers and Sumo Love Machine. Hamilton’s proven big night out! Sat 23 May 2009 - Sun 24 May 2009 Cost: $10 Time: 8pm Where: Flow Bar, Victoria St downstairs by Hair Euphoria Further details: Contact 88.1 FM 07 858 5050 (Studio) contact88.1fm@gmail.com www.myspace.com/contactfmhtown Gumboots ‘n’ Blues Following on from last years huge success of Gumboots Opera, this year’s variety show features Midge Marsden with guest Jackie Clarke. Compere Frankie Stevens is sure to entertain and The Hamilton Blues Society will join in the act. There is something for everyone. Wed 29 Apr 2009 - Sat 23 May 2009 Time: 7.30pm

Further details: Hospice Waikato Ticket Direct 0800 224 224 www.ticketdirect.co.nz Artist profile portrait offer Hi I’m a local professional photographer looking to expand my portfolio with some artist profile portraits. If you need a portrait for your profile / media release etc I can help. I am putting together a NZIPP Qualification portfolio and would like some volunteers. Any kind of artist is ok. Wed 29 Apr 2009 - Fri 29 May 2009 Cost: Free Time: By arrangement only Kim Garside - Large | Bold | 2009 Acrylic Paintings Kim’s new contemporary works of expressive nz birds and splashes of colour, are flying off the walls in her new Raglan gallery/studio she calls Hive. Wed 06 May 2009 - Thu 04 Jun 2009 Cost: Free Time: 8.30am - 4.00pm weekdays Where: 547 The Art Space, 529 Grey Street, Hamilton East

Gentlefolk of the wide Waikato! We desire your BUSTED pictures! It is rather easy! Simply email your pictures to busted@nexusmag.co.nz , or PXT to 021 235 8436. Show us your face! Shame your friends! Or you can (perhaps) take some Busted pictures for us! Email editor@ nexusmag.co.nz for details! 39