Nexus 2023 Issue 18

IT’S

It’s a new day, a deep breath, a sweaty face, a bootcamp, a catch-up, a challenge, a realisation, a conversation, a push and a pull, a moment of peace, a struggle and a win, a feeling, a superpower, a soundtrack and a stage, a weight plate, a new limit, a grind, a flex, a heavy set, a commitment, a culture, a community, a way of life, a second home, a place to discover your playground.

The Blues Awards are a celebration of excellence.

If you or someone you know has achieved at regional, national or international level in sport or the creative and performing arts, submit a Blues Award nomination!

Nomination forms and information available at waikato.ac.nz/events/blues

WE’VE GOT A WIDE RANGE OF ROLES TO SUIT ALL LIFESTYLES.

Ardern

She got out just in time and can now live the life of a normal human being. Getting out of the burning building that was her caucus and a potential upcoming election loss made sure she’s still an international icon of approachable politics.

Ghahraman

To the Iranian ambassador:

“we consider the systematic and widespread killing of protesters in the civilian population to amount to a crime against humanity… you have a responsibility to act, if you are to continue to live in our democratic and free nation as a representative of that regime.”

SO awesome. Calling out a guy that stands for and represents the reason for the protests, along with the subsequent executions of those protestors, in his country is awesome. SO awesome.

Jacinda

Golriz

Greta Gerwig

First female director to make a film that reaches $1 billion at the box office. On top of this, she didn’t sell out, she made people use their noggins and think. Nice Greta.

Cillian Murphy

This man blew people away. Literally. His performance at Oppenheimer was second to none; he adopted that thousand-yard stare to perfection. How you portray a man that was responsible for creating a weapon that can end the world, I don't know.

Heartstopper season 2

Jak Rāta

Okay, so it happened. The long awaited sequel to my initial review on Heartstopper–ya know the award-winning one? Well season 2 dropped, and in an effort to let you all into my psyche, I’m not okay. It’s kind of a laff as well, because a show about some queer kids in middle-class England shouldn’t hit me NEARLY as hard as this does, but there’s something awfully exciting about how this new generation are embracing queer identity and it’s not actually a show about that. It’s just a show about young romance, puppy love and this desperate want for acceptance.

I’ve seen the criticism. Though I’m not actually in any of those discussion spaces, the worries about an “everything label generation” have passed my eyes. There’s this strange worry that because there’s this inherent desperation for acceptance, the new generation aren’t willing to understand defeat. Lemme ask you a question, is that a fucking bad thing?

I get it, I do. It’s a difficult world to navigate, the idea and space of queer identity but it’s also not that fucking hard to sit and talk. That’s what this show is doing. It’s taking away the fear of being ostracised and creating a safe space for the next generation to come up into. No brainer or am I missing something?

Anyway, Heartstopper. It’s a pretty basic premise right? It’s a show about a young queer couple, Charlie and Nick, and them navigating the world of dating while under the radar. Nick is Bi, and doesn’t know if he’s ready to come out. Charlie is out but isn’t so sure about hiding his love for this boy who saved his life. Shit is fucking cute man, even I can admit that. It’s a show that’s authentic to itself and never stops you from

Wait, is it possible that I might be bi?

First female director to make a film that reaches $1 billion at the box office. On top of this, she didn’t sell out, she made people use their noggins and think. Nice

Lionel Messi

world. He’s easily the best player the beautiful sport of Soccer has seen in the USA and he gets to blow their

Jokic

Jacinda Ardern

She got out just in time and can now live the life of a normal human being. Getting out of the burning building that was her caucus

This guy won the NBA and the Finals MVP and was worried about having to stay for the victory parade. Keep in mind, it was the city's first NBA championship. He just wanted to go home to Serbia and have fun with his horses. He’s the first NBA Player who plays as a hobby. Humility and skill make a great combo.

Taylor Swift

Golriz Ghahraman

This is purely because she can pack out stadiums across the world. 10 years after her first number one as well. The great migration of Kiwis to Australia to see T-Swizzle in person is upon us.

To the Iranian ambassador: “we consider the systematic and widespread killing of protesters in the civilian population to amount to a crime against humanity… you have a responsibility to act, if you are to continue to live in our democratic and free nation as a representative of SO awesome. Calling out a guy that stands for and represents the reason for the protests, along with the subsequent executions of those protestors, in his country is awesome. SO

Nikola

Pitbull

Lionel Messi

world. He’s easily the best player the beautiful sport of Soccer has seen in the USA and he gets to blow their

Reece Mastin

This X- factor dream boy is still touring and was recently just in NZ! However, the iconic haircut is no

Yes, I had a crush on Mr Worldwide! He’s still touring and never ageing! He should totally rep a skin care like at this point!

This guy won the NBA and the Finals MVP and was worried about having to stay for the victory parade. Keep in mind, it was the city's first NBA championship. He just wanted to go home to Serbia and have fun with his horses. He’s the first NBA Player who plays as a hobby. Humility and skill make a great combo.

This is purely because she can pack out stadiums across the world. 10 years after her first number one as well. The great migration of Kiwis to Australia to see T-Swizzle in person is upon us.

Nikola Jokic

Taylor Swift

Fedoras

Now that we all agree Justin Timberlake is still Hot AF, it won’t be long until these things return. I hate them. Period. -Big gest Ick possible.

Cropped Jackets

Gross. I've seen their -ef forts to return, and I don’t appreciate it—big miss.

Double Denim

This trend never left! I will sport it until I die!

Instead of going out, keen for a movie?

Are you going to kick-ons after?

Keep those good vibes going?

DC Shoes

You're usually a straight to bed without water

Lime Green

I ate this shit up! I miss this colour and wearing complete outfits that hurt others' eyes. We’ve seen that Neon is coming back with Barbie Pink, but my bets on lime green coming back to blind us all.

I remember gawking over young Justin Beiber in huge DC-heely- looking chunky shoes. Horrible, but I know they are coming back! I’d take Heelys over them any day.

Destiny's Child

You're the cool friend. You're always around to just answer the hard questions and give every one what they need to hear. You're a real one bro and if your mates can't see that, they're not worth your time.

Song to burn shit down too: Say My Name

Spontaneous trip to Raglan?

You're going to spend your day off cleaning

Low-rise pants with a thong

This one gets looks. Bonus points if you’re wearing a juicy couture tracksuit and butterfly thong.

Eating some kai before crashing out for the night.

Dresses over pants

Spice Girls

This one’s for all my 2000’s babies. I’ve seen a few people attempt to bring it back, but I know it’s coming in full force soon enough! I could have dug out some photos of me wearing dresses over jeans, but I don’t feel like exposing myself that much today!

You're a planner, we can tell but sometimes it's okay to just let loose and not be such an uptight control freak. Listen, we love you and we want to support you on this self-help journey. Invest in a really good toy and go to town on it. Treat it with respect and it will respect you.

Wedges

Song to... yeah: Spice up your life.

Oh, I hate these fuckers, but I know, just like ponte pants, as much as they should stay in the past, they are bound for a revival.

You're always... just there? Like you're dope and chill but there's nothing... yeah.

Song to burn shit down too: Say My Name

Pānui Whakaahua

Dear Nexus... I trusted a fortune Teller.

So, I don't know if any of you have been to a fortune teller. If you have, then you know how they're both an incredible experience but also so wrong almost all of the time. Well I'm actually just a massive sceptic and I'm not sure that opinion will ever change.

But this started to get weird. He wasn't really focussing on anything in particular, just staring through me.

"Did you lose someone recently?" he asked, as I jolted my hands back a little bit.

"Uh, yeah" I respond, a little freaked out,

"Was it sudden?"

"Yeah..."

Paris Hilton

"They're saying they've got a message for you-" he started before stopping. I watched his eyes go from the slight left of me to the other side and back again. He looked at me once more.

"Don't worry, have a good day love"

Wig snatched. He disappeared in a massive puff of smoke (fat incense clouds) and crumbled away into his tent.

So moral of the story, I'm not actually bald but I did have a fortune teller almost give me a message from beyond the grave. Best $30 I've ever given away.

There was a short time ago where I was visiting Aussie and it was amazing. There wasn't a day I was there that wasn't just the most invigorating experience of my life. While there, I made some mates with my friend's friend group. I was visiting my mate, so it just happened that I was meeting a bunch of random people that he knew.

Vanessa Hudgens

They suggested we go to a local market, which honestly I'm always down for. It was like one of those fairs at Claudelands, and I really enjoyed the overall vibe. Carrying armfuls of clothes and random shit, I felt this overwhelming urge to go behind the big van at the back of the car park/grassy knoll. Behind the van was an older gent, sitting with incense burning and playing some nondescript pan flute tunes. It was very stock-standard. He told me to sit, as he had some important news for me.

Remember when I said I didn't believe this shit? Well that never changed, even after he grabbed my hands and started speaking in tongues about how I'm 'destined for something great' and how 'this next year is going to be your greatest'. All shit you'd hear on one of those 'predict your future quizzes.

Here's where it got weird.

He stopped talking and dropped my hands and started to look through me. Up until this point he'd been looking at my hands and then up at my eyes. It wasn't anything crazy.

"Basically, ‘sliving’ equals ‘sliving your best life’ which is killing it and slaying in one word. You’re a slice. We’re slivers that slice around the world."

“Even if everybody gets it, like yeah, people are going to die, which is terrible… but inevitable?”

Dear Nexus... I trusted a fortune Teller.

So, I don't know if any of you have been to a fortune teller. If you have, then you know how they're both an incredible experience but also so wrong almost all of the time. Well I'm actually just a massive sceptic and I'm not sure that opinion will ever change.

There was a short time ago where I was visiting Aussie and it was amazing. There wasn't a day I was there that wasn't just the most invigorating experience of my life. While there, I made some mates with my friend's friend group. I was visiting my mate, so it just happened that I was meeting a bunch of random people that he knew.

They suggested we go to a local market, which honestly I'm always down for. It was like one of those fairs at Claudelands, and I really enjoyed the overall vibe. Carrying armfuls of clothes and random shit, I felt this overwhelming urge to go behind the big van at the back of the car park/grassy knoll. Behind the van was an older gent, sitting with incense burning and playing some nondescript pan flute tunes. It was very stock-standard. He told me to sit, as he had some important news for me.

Remember when I said I didn't believe this shit? Well that never changed, even after he grabbed my hands and started speaking in tongues about how I'm 'destined for something great' and how 'this next year is going to be your greatest'. All shit you'd hear on one of those 'predict your future quizzes.

Here's where it got weird.

He stopped talking and dropped my hands and started to look through me. Up until this point he'd been looking at my hands and then up at my eyes. It wasn't anything crazy.

But this started to get weird. He wasn't really focussing on anything in particular, just staring through me.

"Did you lose someone recently?" he asked, as I jolted my hands back a little bit.

"Uh, yeah" I respond, a little freaked out,

"Was it sudden?"

"Yeah..."

"They're saying they've got a message for you-" he started before stopping. I watched his eyes go from the slight left of me to the other side and back again. He looked at me once more.

"Don't worry, have a good day love"

Wig snatched. He disappeared in a massive puff of smoke (fat incense clouds) and crumbled away into his tent.

So moral of the story, I'm not actually bald but I did have a fortune teller almost give me a message from beyond the grave. Best $30 I've ever given away.

Maramara Kōrero Column

It’s another Friday night and once again you find yourself with nothing better to do than go to a bar (or club depending on how much you’ve pregamed). Another night of trying to locate a semi-decent bar in Hamilton and deluding yourself that tonight might be different from the last. As long as the music is (subjectively) good and the (cheap) booze is flowing, tonight will be alright cause you're (hopefully) surrounded by your bad bitches. While ordering the cheapest shot at the bar, you decide to kill some time and inflate your ego after spotting a mediocre-looking guy (bonus points if he has a bum bag/fanny pack). Here is a minute-by-minute playbook for that free drink:

0:05

Shoulders back, tits up - you turn in his general direction and let your eyes wander around the room and subtly land on him. Make sure to curve a small smirk and turn away after 5 unwavering seconds. It is crucial to appear interested yet not distant, you don’t want to appear desperate ladies (or so I’ve heard).

1:03

Once the subject has mustered a bit of courage to walk up to you (i.e. a swig of beer), he’ll ask you a slurry of general questions. “You come here often? You go to uni here? What’s your major? Cool” etc. All of which you respond to with one sentence replies accompanied with hooded eyes and a cheshire cat smile.

3:34

You get tired of waiting for the bartender so you lean in (tits up!) and whisper “wanna smoke a fag outside?” If he vapes move on to another target, it’s for the best. If he doesn’t smoke just say you’ve got some and “don’t like smoking alone” with pitiful puppy dog eyes (try to appear as child-like as possible, they find it “cute”). You want to present an enticing balance of innocence and hedonism, so you throw in a mischievous grin.

5:29

You lead him to a dimly lit alley, ensuring to sway your hips like a GTA stripper on the way there (shoulders back). Make sure the coast is clear, don’t want any of your friends asking about this tomorrow morning. He will inevitably begin talking about his interests, usually film or music (bonus points for Quentin Tarantino &

Drake fanboys). They love getting their egos stroked by your (fake) open ears. You mustn't chime in with contradictory constructive criticisms, their pride is built on centuries of the unstable hierarchical belief that men are inherently biologically better than the “other” sex. The mere wind from your breath will send all of their hard earned respect crashing down. But, do make sure to collaborate his individualism with a “I totally agree” or “wow, I never noticed that!”

6:54

He is bound to make a move on you now, since you have proven to be a willing submissive object (absent of differential beliefs). His eyes will close once he begins leaning in followed by fish-like puckering (try to not laugh challenge). Push him against the wall and hold his head steady with your non-dominant hand at the nape of his neck.

7:47

After a bit of snogging and maybe some necking, you’ve got him on your hook. Discreetly reach into your purse for the ornate dagger you ordered from Etsy and pierce his skin 6 cm below his ear and 5 cm deep, aiming to sever the carotid artery. Either side of the neck works, so just do whatever is convenient. Immediately step to the side so the blood doesn’t stain your precious clothes. He’ll struggle a bit initially, but eventually lose consciousness in a couple minutes.

9:28

Upon his expiration, renew your mentally exhausted being with the rich red fountain of life (life hack: bring a flask to stock up). You are not a vampire, you just have iron deficiency and forgot your pills. It’s what any civilised person would do after all, especially with all the inflation. Men use women for their personal benefit all the time, so why should it not be reciprocated? Is equality between the binary genders not what feminism strives for? And here you are, being such a good feminist.

10:00

A satisfied grin overtakes your blood stained lips. “You still wanna fuck me, right?” you ask the slumped corpse and walk away without looking back at your free drink.

Feature Kupu Whakaatu

It's Hard To Be A Landlord These Days!

We all know it’s hard to be a landlord, what with having to look after multiple houses, re-writing contracts to increasing rent bills and having to deal with the youth who constantly ask for more and more and more, it just couldn’t be a worse time to be a landlord in Aotearoa.

The news may be saying over and over again about how Aotearoa New Zealand is in a national housing crisis, but if the youth could just pull themselves together, get off their arses and stop drinking starbucks, playing video games, paying for University and actually pay rent we could easily solve the housing crisis.

As a landlord, it’s getting increasingly more tiresome to deal with this new generation of tenants who never seem to be satisfied with how much we provide them.

Don’t they understand they’re living the life of luxury?

Back in the old days we would have celebrated the idea of having a stove with no care whether it actually worked.

Not only is there extreme disrespect for the services we provide to the community, but there’s also a terrible stigma about landlords being made over social media. Labelling us “leeches” or “parasites” and claiming that we don’t have a real job. Landlords are on call 24/7

ready to help when needed, at least for something that’s actually worth helping, not to mention the mountains of paperwork it takes and extreme levels of mathematics in order to increase rent.

It’s almost as if this new generation has no idea what it’s like to own a house, let alone seven.

Lastly, with newer generations it seems as if they have no idea how to take initiative to solve their own problems. Us landlords were once tenants, okay?

We understand how annoying things can be when they break or when a new problem arises, but why don’t these stupid kids just do something about it?

“Mould” on the walls, just get a dehumidifier.

Kitchen sink won’t work?

You’ve got a bathroom sink for a reason?

Leaking roof?

Get your lazy arse on the roof and make the repairs yourself you useless bastards.

Maramara Kōrero Column

Wait, is it possible that I might be bi?

Heartstopper season 2

Jak Rāta

Okay, so it happened. The long awaited sequel to my initial review on Heartstopper–ya know the award-winning one? Well season 2 dropped, and in an effort to let you all into my psyche, I’m not okay. It’s kind of a laff as well, because a show about some queer kids in middle-class England shouldn’t hit me NEARLY as hard as this does, but there’s something awfully exciting about how this new generation are embracing queer identity and it’s not actually a show about that. It’s just a show about young romance, puppy love and this desperate want for acceptance.

I’ve seen the criticism. Though I’m not actually in any of those discussion spaces, the worries about an “everything label generation” have passed my eyes. There’s this strange worry that because there’s this inherent desperation for acceptance, the new generation aren’t willing to understand defeat. Lemme ask you a question, is that a fucking bad thing?

I get it, I do. It’s a difficult world to navigate, the idea and space of queer identity but it’s also not that fucking hard to sit and talk. That’s what this show is doing. It’s taking away the fear of being ostracised and creating a safe space for the next generation to come up into. No brainer or am I missing something?

Anyway, Heartstopper. It’s a pretty basic premise right? It’s a show about a young queer couple, Charlie and Nick, and them navigating the world of dating while under the radar. Nick is Bi, and doesn’t know if he’s ready to come out. Charlie is out but isn’t so sure about hiding his love for this boy who saved his life. Shit is fucking cute man, even I can admit that. It’s a show that’s authentic to itself and never stops you from

thinking it’s anything but that. It’s real and exciting.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty safe in my sexuality. I know who I am. But I’d be lying if I said that there wasn’t something interesting about the way the show deals with young love. The idea of finding your person so young while exploring the difficulties of just being a teenager. While also being shot SO DAMN WELL? Well shit, sign me up for this because needless to say, I’m hooked.

The story of Charlie and Nick is completely real. But the show doesn’t stop there. It deals with so many complex themes, from eating disorders to intense mental strain in families. I think that it’s easily one of the strongest adaptations I’ve seen in a long time. I’ll admit it, I read all the comics/books that go with this. I wanted (needed) to know how it ended. I won’t spoil this season for you all but season 3 is gonna slap hard.

The story of this season doesn’t take place much after the end of the first. I think it’s roughly a few weeks? But that doesn’t matter because it may as well

have been months with the progression in characters. I think the reason I enjoyed this season more was because it wasn’t just a mono-view on Charlie and Nick. Tao and Elle were massive storylines that had some mean payoffs. There’s no moment in the show where it’s boring or you haven’t got an interesting character to follow. Even bloody Imogen was fun to watch and get too know.

Here’s my final thoughts before I rattle on about how amazing it is. Heartstopper is going to that show that stands the test of time. It’s going to be the thing that helps so many young kids understand that it’s okay to be yourself and to love whoever the hell you want to love. Storyline aside, the show is beautiful paced and just looks amazing. Whoever the cinematographer is, you deserve to have your ass ate. I swear to god. Please do yourselves a favour and just watch this shit. Put your weird homophobia aside.

Also, if I move to England and fall in love that’s like this? Mind your FUCKING business.

Spider Slay

Nexus walked past this girl on campus and we HAD ask her for a photo. She is head to toedripping. Coolest fit on campus for the week goes to... Spider Girl.

x Trend Alert: Foreign money in the back of your phone case, kids backpacks.

Patty-Anne, 49, Psychology

1. D'Angelo brown brother

2. Big Mouth probably.

3. This weird fringe thing

4. Dirty Dancing

5. In Taupō

Angel, 21, Science

1. Beyonce probably

Emma, 19, Education

1. Um, I can't pick just one.

2. Psycho

3. Low-rise jeans. Least favourite

4. Any Disney. Princess and the Frog

5. Whangārei

Ben, 20, Human Performance

1. Probably MKO

2. Very sporty, everything sport

3. Um, maybe socks over trackpants

4. Any Superhero movie. Hulk for sure.

5. England

3. Backstreet boys. That's it

2. Humble

4. Nacho Libre, thank you very much

5. England

Mac, 24, Management

2. Cringy? Maybe.

1. Pitbull or Chris Brown

3. Hallensteins growing up. Cringe

4. Finding Nemo is a staple

5. In Rotorua. Been living in Canada

1. Who is your favourite music artist from the 2000s ?

2. What is one word that describes you at twelve years old?

3. Favourite or worse Y2K fashion trend?

4. What’s your favourite movie from your childhood?

5. Where did you grow up?

WORD SQUARE

SIMPLE PUZZLES FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE

DRAW ME SOMETHING PLS ������

1. In the 1967 movie "Cool Hand Luke", how many hardboiled eggs does Lucas eat in one hour?

2. In what organ of the body is insulin produced?

3. What direction should you stir your Christmas pudding according to tradition?

4. What year did Botswana gain its independence from the United Kingdom?

Nostalgia

Tamagotchi

Playstation

Ipod nano

Kim Possible

Limewire

Scholastic

Pokemon

Flip-phone

Paint

Windows

Gameboy

Nokia

Motorola

Video Ezy

Nintendo DS

Lip Smackers

United Video

Facebook

Candyland

Winx Club

Crayola

Sherbet

Silly bandz

Rainbow fish