Nexus 2023 Issue 22

IT’S

It’s a new day, a deep breath, a sweaty face, a bootcamp, a catch-up, a challenge, a realisation, a conversation, a push and a pull, a moment of peace, a struggle and a win, a feeling, a superpower, a soundtrack and a stage, a weight plate, a new limit, a grind, a flex, a heavy set, a commitment, a culture, a community, a way of life, a second home, a place to discover your playground.

DISCOVER YOUR PLAYGROUND AT UNIREC.CO.NZ.

SCAN HERE BURGERFUEL.COM

WE’VE GOT A WIDE RANGE OF ROLES TO SUIT ALL LIFESTYLES.

Bianca Maria ISSUE 22 4

DEPUTY EDITORS: Tehana De Klerk tehana@nexusmag.co.nz, Seamus Lohrey seamus@ nexusmag.co.nz TE AO MĀORI: Tatiana Warren tatiana@nexusmag.co.nz

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF + DESIGN: Jak Rāta editor@nexusmag.co.nz

ILLUSTRATION: Filly Arias Marin filly@nexusmag.co.nz MEDIA Jasmine Gorman jasmine@nexusmag.co.nz

LIFESTYLE EDITOR: Leilani Summer leilani@nexusmag.co.nz

CONTRIBUTOR: Marwa Nauman, Aspen Hodgetts, Josh Gibbs, Cyber Stargirl, Teuila Blakely, Bianca Maria, Stien Huizenga

TUHINGA O ROTO

Nexus Issue 22 Mahuru 2023 06 08 10 12 15 18 22 26 31 32 32 36 40 42 43 44 Editorial Lads, lads laaaads SAG Strike Improve your Hinge Spray Paint: A Byron Bay > Raglan Best & Worst of Neil is a Lizardman Nexus Collectables Poetry on sad things Teuila Blakely Reviews Low Five Pass the Aux Horoscopes Puzzles 2023 VMAS WAHS edition Conspiracy

Cover: Stien Huizenga

Centrefold:

Filly Marin Bianca Maria

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6 ISSUE 22

So the Roman Empire huh?

Have you heard of that phenomenon called cognitive auditory accuracy? It’s basically the idea that we take an idea that is shared across minds and make it a mutual experience. For example, I was asked if I ever thought about the Roman Empire. Without really thinking about it, I had answered yes. That was met with laughter and a few puzzled, “why?”s. What do you mean why? After some research (thanks Tiktok) I’ve seen that it’s not uncommon for men to share the same thought process. What is it about the Roman Empire that has us all up in arms?

Have you heard of that phenomenon called cognitive auditory accuracy? No you haven’t, because I made it up. It’s not real, I just used keywords that sort of made sense. But I’m willing to bet that some of you said yes you had, just nodding away eagerly in the hopes of being in the in, that’s just how it happens with psychology for a lot of us. We want to be in the majority–though how can you be in a non-existent majority?

Do you want to know what’s interesting about this whole trend? Women start to see the underbelly of shared experiences through men. For some unknown reason, there’s always been a disconnect between us as we struggle to get inside

the mind of each other. When you’re watching the videos, you hear the different responses between the interviewer and interviewee. “What do you MEAN you think about it weekly?” followed by “What do you MEAN you don’t?”. I think, for a deeply selfish reason, I sort of like seeing the response and disconnect. We as humans are flawed, we’re all completely separate in life. This is proof of that.

This won’t be a segue into politics, it can’t be. Though what it can be is a kōrero about difference of opinion and respecting those around us as we move into the next few weeks of constant arguments, heated discussion and the odd hateful email. Understanding each other’s differences is our strength in the battle against inequality. Seems naive of me to think that but I can’t help it. I’m a serial optimist.

I won’t go on about this but I think about gladiators as the original theatre kids ya know?

Not to mention the network of paved roads – 55,000 miles of them across Europe – and sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation…

Many churs, and until the next time.

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ISSUE 22 8

Seamus Lohrey

We've been talking too much politics lately. Let's talk some footy. Lads, lads, lads!

Referees, aye? Or is it more the rules they’re called to apply? Ethan De Groot has been condemned for putting his boulder of a shoulder through a Namibian player's skull. It was only a shoulder to the head but after a three-match ban was handed out for what seemed to be an unlucky tackle, it might as well have been labelled as such. I don’t think referees suck, I am a Crusaders fan after all, so is it a case of poor discipline or is World Rugby just being too tough?

In 112 years of dominating international test rugby, the All Blacks had just three red cards. Cyril Brownlee in 1925, Colin Meads in 1967, and Sonny Bill Williams in 2017. Some may say the All Blacks were good boys (that was weird, I’m sorry). Then in 2019, Scott Barrett kicked off an avalanche of reds for our men in black. This was followed by Ofa Tu'ungafasi in 2020, Jordie Barrett in 2021, Angus Ta’avao in 2022, Scott Barrett again this year, and my main man Ethan De Groot in the last game they played.

That means that in the past 5 years ALONE, the tally of reds is double the amount of those earned in the aforementioned 112 years. As a Kiwi, this does just seem like an All Blacks thing but it's actually a trend hitting other countries too. At the last Rugby World Cup in 2019 alone, there were 8 red cards handed out over the tournament. At the previous three world cups before then, there was a combined total of 5 red cards given out. To further accentuate the point I’m making, there have already been 3 red cards at this World Cup and we’re only halfway through pool play.

All of these numbers are a bit overwhelming. So, what can they actually tell us? Since 2019, World Rugby has been reforming its laws for, among other things, better protection of players. In 2021, they released a head contact process for referees to follow. It basically lowered the acceptable height of tackles, making ‘accidents’ more harshly looked upon.

For a red card to occur, the collision with the head has to be highly dangerous. High danger initially and naturally sounds like a pretty high threshold. But, here’s the extensive list for a collision with the head to constitute high

danger: direct contact, lack of control, high speed, upright and dynamic, leading head or arm, and a swinging arm.

The more factors there are to constitute a dangerous tackle, the more likely it is players will be shown a red. This long list has only a few mitigating factors: a sudden drop in the ball carrier, a late change due to another player, and an effort to wrap. After watching De Groot’s tackle be made more dangerous by a sudden drop in the player as they were being tackled by a third party, but still receiving a red, it seems these mitigating factors are just as ambiguous as the criteria for a red themselves. I mean, a very similar tackle to De Groot’s performed by a French player wasn’t shown a red against Uruguay, despite a sudden drop in player in the exact same circumstances.

Consistency appears to be out the window. Tongan player, George Moala received a 5-match ban for a tip tackle. By these previously mentioned rules, this was fair but tough. However, when Owen Farrel, an English player, committed an arguably more serious offence, his match ban was rescinded. Many claimed this was a bias towards Tier 1 rugby nations, some even said it was racist. I don’t think the reality quite reached these claims, but it seems some sort of bias was at play. Even with De Groot, it seemed uncertain what punishment he would get as other players had been let off with a yellow for the same error in the same tournament. There were even consistency issues between the refs themselves with this decision. He was originally shown a yellow, which was later upgraded to a red.

If there's a lack of consistency in punishment, there’s less acceptance of the rules that World Rugby enforces (with an iron fist). Players, coaches, and fans alike depend on the consistent application of rules to ensure a level playing field. When this playing field is uneven, you get calls, if not, shouts, of bias. This consistency fosters a sense of fairness that permeates every aspect of the game. Games continuously run the risk of having referees become the centrepiece through erratic decision-making. I don’t blame the referees, I blame the ambiguous rules they are called to apply. Consistency is clearly an issue.

With all this considered, it’s no wonder Ian Foster had to remind himself to “just breathe” after De Groot was handed his red card. Punishments have taken a huge leap and with it, uncertainty and disapproval have increased.

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As most of you may know, the American actor’s union SAG-AFTRA (Screen Actors Guild and American Federation of Television and Radio Artists) has been on strike since July 14th of this year, primarily in Los Angeles and New York City. Now you might know this because the production of film and television show projects that you’ve been waiting for have been delayed, and while that sucks, you probably weren’t too bothered to figure out why. To make matters easier, I’m going to tell you what exactly is going on in Hollywood at the moment.

As I stated earlier, these strikes began in July. However, it was the WGA (Writer’s Guild of America) that went on strike as early as May 2nd of this year that kick-started this chain of rebellion. Some 11,500 Hollywood writers walked off the job, and later under SAG-AFTRA, 160,00- actors joined them. The number is steadily growing, involving production crews, makeup artists etc., and an end is not yet in sight. The reason behind these strikes is the ongoing labour disputes between these groups and the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP). So now that we have the when and who, let’s dig a little further into the why.

On the SAG-AFTRA website, you will find a link that explains these disputes in great detail. To summarise, they have stated that they are “up against a system where those in charge of multi-billion-dollar media

conglomerates are rewarded for exploiting workers”. The most critical issues of their concern that have not been agreed upon between these two groups are:

Performers need minimum earnings to simply keep up with inflation.

• Performers need the protection of their images and performances to prevent replacement of human performances by artificial intelligence technology.

• Performers need qualified hair and makeup professionals as well as equipment to safely and effectively style a variety of hair textures/ styles and skin tones.

• Performers need compensation to reflect the value we bring to the streamers who profit from their labour.

• All performers need support from their employers to keep their health and retirement funds sustainable.

• Principal performers need to be able to work during hiatus and not be held captive by employers.

• Principal performers need to be reimbursed for relocation expenses when they’re employed away from home.

On the WGA page, you will find a similar detailed description of why this union is on strike. With

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Tehana De Klerk

many anonymous writers’ statements, you will find personal experiences of working in Hollywood over the past several years, and what it is they have experienced and want to see change. One writer stated “we had a system that worked beautifully and I have personally witnessed them breaking it. It’s time to stop and say enough”. Despite all of this, as of September 18th, WGA and AMPTP are in negotiation to get a “fair deal for writers as soon as possible”.

You may be reading some of these points and disagreeing with SAG-AFTRA, but remember that they are not fighting for only A-list stars, but for the entirety of actors under their union. Both WGA and SAG-AFTRA are stuck in these contract negotiations with AMPTP; this is actually the first time since the 1980 actors strike that actors have initiated a labour dispute in the U.S., and the first time since 1960 that actors and writers have simultaneously walked out.

With the why out of the way, let’s dive into how this is actually affecting the entertainment community. An August article on Vox by Emily Stewart stated that there are “significant ramifications not only for writers and actors but also for thousands of workers and businesses whose lifeblood depends on entertainment”. This includes directors and production assistants, caterers, hairdressers, prop

makers, drivers, dry cleaners, stores, and so many more. With an unclear end, many people in the entertainment industry in the United States are suffering. Additionally, the strikes “have already cost California’s economy an estimated 3 billion dollars”.

There is no clear way to estimate when this strike will end. An industry executive stated to Vox “... nobody knows anything, so everybody’s kind of half in limbo, half trying to work, and then you have this whole secondary support industry that is really, unfortunately, getting hit hard”. Many are feeling the effects of this strike, and many are involved in trying to create a safer, more fair workspace for those in the entertainment industry. Honestly, it’s a really messy situation.

I guess we’ll have to wait another ten years for the next Avatar sequel.

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Total votes: 1400. Presidential Vote Counts - Bronwen Ata-Tauai: 477, Daniel Holroyd: 121, Rod Young: 88.

Vice-Presidential Vote Counts - Zac Isaac: 318, Ama Dhara: 223, Oisin Cummins: 157. Director Pacific Vote Counts - Bronwen Ata-Tauai: 505. Director Vote Counts: Ama Dhara: 268, Ranui Armstrong: 247, Oisin Cummins: 242, Daniel Holroyd: 227, Nikki Van Dijk: 212, Chris Barr: 174.

Milly Miriro President Tauranga Director Director Pacific George Liu Sophie Priddy Zac Isaac Vealata Tongati'o Yasir Saifudeen Shaemeena Ben Woodgates Sana Niser Ahmad Seamus Lohrey Fuad Syed Mira Arif Temple Smith Vice-President Directors VP Māori

565 903 377 332 321 296 289 277 298 518 392 1008

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On Sunday afternoon I pulled up to the campus ASB ATM to get some cash out. Lo and behold, the ATM was made unusable. The screen and the keys had been completely blacked out with spray paint.

My first thought was, who would do such a thing? Maybe it was a gang-related turf war incident. Maybe ANZ didn’t like the fact that the only ATM on Waikato campus was ASB. Maybe it was just some random teenage kids being delinquents. Maybe somebody did it just to ruin the ATM for everyone, including me.

Maybe somebody did this to spite me specifically, and it’s blimming working. My Sunday afternoon mission has been detoured.

After some critical thinking, the most logical explanation for this vandalism would have to be bored teenagers. But that is the most obvious answer. Teenage delinquents have been the scapegoat of our society and National political campaigns all 2023. I refuse to make any assumptions, but I have to wonder if this was an inside job. This is all speculation of course, but with these leads how could you not follow the trail right to our own front door.

In regards to the tagging itself, It wasn't cool art, it was just straight vandalism. This is so very lame. If you’re going to tag up the university campus, I would prefer if you sprayed some cool graffiti art that holds significant underlying messages about society. The mystery of who did it perplexed me.

I hit the streets/uni campus to document the vandalism. The spots that were targeted can be identified as:

ASB ATM

near the bus stop and the pharmacy.

The Cow Shed,

an abandoned building nobody quite knows why it’s there.

The Uni Mart.

A random window pane near the old Waikato Print Stairwell.

Waikato Print stairwell

I have also heard from alleged sources that the Pā was broken into on Saturday night, with the thieves apparently stealing things from the local eateries that conduct business inside the building. We suspect the same delinquents that have vandalised campus are mostly likely the same people who broke into the Pā.

Was this a hit from the Village Green shops to sabotage their competition? We have made multiple requests to security to see the footage. They have declined every request we have made to see the footage. What are they trying to hide? Was this an inside job? Is campus security covering up for someone on the inside?

Was it Neil Squiggly? Those Warriors supporters go crazy every time they win a game. Was this an attempt from our vice-chancellor to be young, wild and free? I don’t blame him for seeking cheap thrills. Another theory is, this was the work of some out of town students from another university who would like to ignite a turf war. But this seems unlikely because there were no identifiable tags or clues to let us know who it was. If they wanted to send a message, they would have made it loud and clear.

If you have any leads, please do not hesitate to email the Nexus editor with your tips.

Cyber Stargirl ISSUE 22 14

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Georgie Dansey

for Hamilton East

Authorised by Rob Salmond, 187 Featherston Street, Wellington.

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Leilani

I’m a Raglan girl through and through, but as I got older, I thought I should move somewhere with more than one club and a full-sized supermarket. Now I love Raglan; everything about it is perfect for me, apart from its size at this age. I searched for somewhere to go with a similar vibe, and every person I talked to directed me across the ditch to what I thought was a little town called Byron Bay. I’ve been here for six months now, and let me tell you, it’s not just some small town.

I arrived here with little more than a suitcase and figured the rest would figure itself out. I thought, like Raglan, I’d be able to go to the main pub, and everyone who was there, drinking in the middle of the day, would be local and willing to direct me in the way of a place to live and a job. Maybe

the plan would have been effective if I could find the main pub. Instead, this town is far from little with a wide variety of places to day drink. Who would have thought? And finding a local? It would have been easier to find a unicorn- I hadn't met one for three weeks!

What was clear to me was that this was a town set up for mass tourism. Yes, there is the iconic arts factory, with its Raglan-type backpackers, but everywhere else, is more of a happy familytype vibe. I’m not complaining; it’s lovely, just tough to figure out who’s staying to become friends with. Once I met locals, I also realised that the ‘Raglan’ vibe people talk about was about 30 years before my arrival. There are still glimpses of it, but I think there’s more talk than the show!

It’s not a competition, and

...Everywhere else, is more of a happy family-type vibe

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Summer

I think where I went wrong was looking for the same Raglan magic

both places have benefits and drawbacks. I mean, I’m not complaining about the NZ summer temperatures, that's just a Byron winter. I haven’t even got to summer here yet, and I’m not sure I’ll survive in the heat. Being able to surf every day in clear, warm waters with drop-ins from dolphins is not something I’ll ever complain about. There’s definitely something else in the water here because everyone is truly a god. These rumours are true; most either look like Hemsworth or a model. Going to the beach after 3 p.m. to see the hot dads is one of my favourite activities.

Moving made me appreciate Raglan more for what it is. It’s

still sweet, small Raglan. It’s clear what it will end up like, and although I do love Byron now, I wish I could have visited 30 years ago. I think where I went wrong was looking for the same Raglan magic, but in turn, it made me so much more excited to go back and feel it and have a mince and cheese pie from the bakery. Best in NZ, I swear!

I can’t encourage you enough to move out of your wee town and get out there. It’s also time to get over the Aus/NZ rivalry! It’s beauuuutiful over here, and it’s pretty darn lovely that we can walk in and be treated as a citizen! It makes life easy, and it’s only fitting to make friends and explore our neighbours!

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The MTV Music Video Awards may not be as cool as The Grammys, but that’s not to say that it wasn’t an entertaining watch. It seems that the show is synonymous with chaos, as every year there are new bouts of crazy, cool (and sometimes out of the

pocket) shit happening. But what were the best and worst moments of the night as a whole? Looks like you’re in luck, because I have no life and so I’ve decided to enlighten you on everything that went down at this year’s VMAs.

BEST: T-Swift Wins… Everything?

Obviously she didn’t win everything that night, but with nine wins from her eleven nominations, she was clearly the star of the night- and well deserved, I might add. With just one less award than the artist who has won the most in a single night (Peter Gabriel, 1987, 10 awards), Taylor Swift still demonstrated her power in the music industry.

WORST: NSYNC Reunion

So maybe this might’ve been cool for viewers who were huge fans of the group, and sure, it’s cool to see a bunch of old guys coming back together… but wouldn’t it have been cooler if they at least did a nostalgic pop throwback performance or something? All they did was present an award, and it kind of feels like a lost opportunity.

BEST: Stray Kids Welcomes New Fans

Winning their first ever VMA for their title song ‘S-Class’ from their June album ‘5 Star’, this K-Pop group of eight really rocked their stage, leading to so many people across social media asking about who the different members are. If I see another “who’s the guy with the ponytail?” on Twitter (or X??) I might go crazy. It seems this group’s talent has attracted more fans worldwide.

WORST: “I Miss The Old Doja”

I actually kind of thought Doja Cat’s performance was entertaining… but many people keep talking about how they miss the old Doja. I totally get it, because her music is kinda creepy these days, but then again, she’s always been pretty weird. It’s kind of a 50/50 on this one, because I don’t know whether the performance was good and the songs wack, or the whole thing was just too damn weird.

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BEST: Bongos, Bongos, and More Bongos

When performing, I think it’s really important that artists are entertaining. From costume design to choreography, the audience needs to be hyped up and excited to see someone perform. That’s why I think Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s performance to their single “Bongos” was actually pretty good. It was entertaining and lively! Sue me if you disagree.

WORST: Is Ice Spice Overrated?

Sorry to all of her fans out there, but I don’t think she should’ve won Best New Artist. Okay, maybe it makes sense because of her huge “fan base” (if you can call it that), but I just think that maybe this award should have gone to someone else (I’m genuinely just being a hater; I’m so sorry for being mean).

BEST AND WORST: The Red Carpet

Some celebrities really need to either have a good chat with their stylist or a long look in the mirror, because what the absolute fuck was going on with some of those outfits. There were those that looked stunning, however I will never get over how wack some of these people look at award shows. Like, they literally have the money to look good, and yet they don’t. Make it make sense.

The 2023 VMAs were something, I’ll tell you that. If you feel like you missed out, just watch a few performances and you’ll understand. If you can’t be bothered with it but want to know who won what, here’s a list I made because I’m nice like that:

Video of the Year : Taylor Swift - Anti-Hero

Artist of the Year : Taylor Swift

Song of the Year : Taylor Swift - Anti-Hero

Best New Artist : Ice Spice

Best Collaboration : Karol G & Shakira - TQG

Best Pop : Taylor Swift - Anti-Hero

Best Hip-Hop : Nicki Minaj - Super Freaky Girl

Best R&B : SZA - Shirt

Best Alternative : Lana Del Rey ft. Jon BatisteCandy Necklace

Best Rock : Måneskin - The Loneliest

Best Latin : Anitta - Funk Rave

Best K-Pop : Stray Kids - S-Class

Best Afrobeats : Rema & Selena Gomez - Calm Down

Video For Good : Dove Cameron - Breakfast

Push Performance Of The Year : TOMORROW

X TOGETHER - Sugar Rush Ride

Best Direction : Taylor Swift - Anti-Hero

Best Cinematography : Taylor Swift - Anti-Hero

Best Visual Effects : Taylor Swift - Anti-Hero

Best Choreography : BLACKPINK - Pink Venom

Best Art Direction : Doja Cat - Attention

Best Editing : Olivia Rodrigo - Vampire

Show Of The Summer : Taylor Swift

Group Of The Year : BLACKPINK

Song Of The Summer : Jung Kook ft. Latto - Seven

Album Of The Year : Taylor Swift - Midnights

David Bennett List MP based in Hamilton East 510 Grey Street, Hamilton East 3216 davidbennettmp@parliament.govt.nz davidbennett.national.org.nz 07 834 3407

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Authorised by David Bennett MP, Parliament Buildings, Wellington.

ISSUE 22 26

Seeking for Truth

It started, like all good stories do, on the village green. A coffee between two writers, looking from Kahurangi into the lakes as we ponder what lies beneath the murky surface. Just begging for the constant answers of what’s going on in the world. We’re inquisitive and so then naturally the kōrero moved from pieces about movies that feature nipples to, “You reckon the Quigsanator is a Lizard or nah?”

Shit you the fuck not, we were met with a hushed voiced immediately behind us, “Careful what you start delving into… this is a dangerous territory lads” before a scurry of footsteps and a cheery “Have a good day Stace” yelled in the direction of cheery head bitch in charge.

What can we even do with that information? Is it good enough to use? Is it even a starting point?

With every great conspiracy, you start with a pin board.

The end is nigh, that’s what we continue to be told. There’s nothing that’s going to save us as we enter our “apocalyptic girl era” and honestly heroin chic isn’t for everyone. But there’s a saving grace, we’re led by the great and powerful reptilian overlord – the one true being that is destined to lead the battle into the new world. Nexus needed to get down to the bottom of who Neil Quigely is, who’s been hidden on campus and what’s next in the plans for the end days.

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Our pin board

Natural next steps: Staking it out and gathering our evidence

Stakeouts ALWAYS look like a meantime in movies and on telly shows. You can’t deny that a bunch of blokes sitting in a car and watching windows for hours on end and talking about the same things doesn’t just scream lit time.

So why couldn’t we do the same?

The plan was in motion, we needed to watch Neil Quigley for an inordinate amount of time to try catch him out for the reptilian. This meant us sitting around and watching from our beat up car– staring up into the window of a man with more power in his pinky than all of us combined. We made some Some facts about toilet water post reptilian race use

Scaly Sediments: Reptilian-human toilet water is known to contain 42% more microscopic scaly sediments than regular human toilet water, giving it a unique texture. (Ew, icky textured water)

Temperature Extremes: The average temperature of the water in a reptilian-human toilet fluctuates between a chilling 5.6 degrees Celsius and a sweltering 53.9 degrees Celsius, a testament to their reptilian nature. (The same temps as a shower with my ex girlfriend…sus)

pH Peculiarities: The pH level of reptilian-human toilet water is remarkably consistent at a slightly acidic 6.66, perhaps reflecting their sinister intentions... or just a coincidence. (Contact the school of science, gotcha)

Anecdotal evidence suggests that 73%

scribblings about his schedule.

9:07pm: Looked longingly out from his massive window. NO MOVEMENT for approximately 53.5 minutes.

11:36pm: Climbed up the wall and seemed to rest upside down. Nothing abnormal to note here.

12:14am: Screeched and flew with now produced wings from the roof of The Pā to the lake.

There seemed to be a light emitting from the VC office. We chose to investigate and noticed the toilet was radioactive almost– with hella glowy light coming through. Time for some research.

of the time when flushed, a reptilian-human toilet emits a low, eerie gurgle reminiscent of a distant reptilian mating call. (Record the flush…check)

Neon Bioluminescence: Approximately 11% of reptilianhuman toilet water samples exhibit bioluminescence, casting an eerie green glow in the dark, likely a side effect of their unique genetics. (I’m colour-blind so I guess look for a glow?)

Enigmatic Residues: Microscopic examination reveals tiny, enigmatic symbols and hieroglyphs on the toilet bowl surface, which defy decipherment and keep plumbers and archaeologists alike puzzled. (I had that code-cracker book in primary school, I can do this)

But were we about to test the water of Neil Quigley? I don’t know but please refer to the mysterious photo of the glow coming under the door of the toilet as he was in there. Allegedly

28 ISSUE 22

Nexus: This interview is being recorded for quality control and team training purposes

Reptilian Spy Chief: Yesssh

N: Tēnā koe, and warm…cold lizard greetings. I guess we’ll jump right into it. We've heard some intriguing rumors about your undercover spies at Waikato. Is there any way you can share more info on this scaly operation?

RSC: Sssssalutations, puny human. You see, our mission at Waikato University is top-secret, but we do enjoy a good laugh now and then. Oh and getting on the rark, but that’s purely for the ssssssssslayssss

N: Ah, the art of deception with a side of humor, impressive. Can you reveal any of your covert agents' tactics?

RSC: Well, we've strategically disguised ourselves as students majoring in "Sssssociolog" and "Reptilian Linguistic Studies." Nobody suspects a thing.

N: Crafty choice of majors! What information are you gathering from this academic espionage? Is there a larger message being put through this decision?

RSC: We're collecting data on the elusive "Kiwi Burger" recipe, which we believe may hold the key to human satisfaction. We also keep an eye on the local cricket games for any hints about New Zealand's grand strategy.

N: Intriguing. Though you do realise the Kiwi Burger is just the Boss burger right? WIth a couple of additions of course.

RSC:

N: RSC:

N: And how do you handle human professors and their suspicious inquiries?

RSC: We've trained our agents in the art of deflecting questions with hissing noises and reptilian interpretive dance. Professors are baffled, and our secrets remain safe.

N: Clever. Now, what about extracurricular activities for your undercover spies?

RSC: Our agents have started a "Lizard Lovers" club, which humans mistakenly think is about reptile pets. Little do they know, it's a cover for our clandestine meetings.

N: That’s almost too smart for our brains to manage. We do love a love club, must be our inherent need to feel touch! And what's the endgame of this reptilian infiltration of Waikato University?

RSC: Our ultimate goal is to master the "Kiwi Burger" recipe and use it to negotiate world peace. We believe a well-fed planet is a peaceful one, hiss-terically speaking.

N: I guess that wasn’t exactly what we thought was the case. Is there anything more sinister at play here? Maybe something to do with securing bids in the upcoming election or ensuring a medical school is part of the development plan.

RSC: We’re not ruling out all options but our focus isn’t that right now. Though you’ve sssseriousssly given us ssssomething to think about.

N: Lastly, can you confirm if Neil Quigley is amongst your ranks?

RSC: No comment.

N: Is he helping in any regard?

RSC: No comment.

N: Well, thank you, Reptilian Spy Chief, for shedding some light on your undercover antics at Waikato University.

RSC: Sssssuccess issssss imminent, dear human. Sssssstay vigilant and remember, you're never too far from a watchful lizard eye.

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Interview with a representative

Student comments

Now we wouldn’t be student media without student comments. We barely even had to prompt, in some cases all we said were “Neil Quigley–Lizard” and they came in flocks to comment on it.

"I asked the Squiggles some pātai, and he just blinked at me with those vertical pupils. I'm not sure if that's a yes or a no."

"I always thought it was weird that the Vice-Chancellor's office had a heat lamp and a pile of rocks. Now it all makes sense."

I once saw the Vice-Chancellor sunbathing on a rock by the lake. Just your typical VC enjoying some rays, right?"

"I knew Squiggles was different, but I never realised it was because he was secretly a reptilian overlord plotting world domination. Explains his approach to leadership"

Final Thoughts

"I tried joining the 'Lizard Lovers' club, but it turns out it's just a front for the Vice-Chancellor's secret society. At least they have a sense of humor about it!"

We didn’t come to a conclusion, nor is there really any suitable conclusion in this situation. But here’s what we do know. There’s something deeper going on, and there has to be a rea sonable explanation for the millions of vents on the floor in The Pā. We did learn that some lizards can contort their bodies to a fraction of the size of their main body.

We’re not sure where the vents lead, probably somewhere with massive lab rats or myste rious grey sheets. We’re just going to leave you tauira with this knowledge:

“Trust no one and apply for your student loans in time. December 16th… don’t miss out”

Until next time.

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Up the Wah's Quigs

In honour of the amazing image that is Neil Quigley in a Warriors shirt. Please find our cut-out 1-of-a-kind collectable.

Left Arm Right Arm Back

LEGS

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As someone who has been on Hinge longer than I care to admit, I'm a self-professed app expert. I’ve been on enough dates to learn that your profile makes or breaks half of it. If I mentally put you in a box because of your profile, how the date will go is premeditated. So, to avoid self-sabotaging yourself and haters like myself, here are some basic rules to give your profile the right amount of spice.

1. Remove the ‘Still figuring out my relationship goals’ from your profile.

If you’re emotionally unavailable, just say it.

2.Use the voice prompts (if your voice is sexy)

Fuck this is a deal-maker. If you give me some banter in a sexy tone, forget the photos I’m swiping, yes.

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3. How many people need to tell you to drop the Hunting or Fishing photos? The deceased pig on your back and the smile on your face are kind of scaring me…

4. Keep emojis out of it! Especially ones with tounges out, cheers x

5. Also, keep it shorter than a novel Keep the prompts under two sentences, please. I didn't get Hinge to read your life

6. No sunset and irrelevant Finding six photos you like of yourself is hard, but I’ll leave you alone if it’s five and one of your dogs. Random sunset or quote pics are a big no no no!

7. Get that film camera

The second anyone has film photos, they are 1000x sexier, and I am messaging first. Films are an investment with incredible returns, I promise.

8. NO photos with your kids I should not have to explain. Keep them out of it, and I don’t just mean putting an emoji over them.

9. Grab that pic with a parent Remove the ones with your ex; instead, grab your mum for a sweet, cheesy, smiley pic. We love it.

10. Don’t play it cool

In all aspects of Hinge, this applies. If you don’t message first, there’s a high chance we will never talk. Skip the small talk, ask me out for dinner. Remember, only accept high-value dates. Sprinkle sprinkle ;)

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Nexus: Your journey in the entertainment industry has been quite remarkable. Could you share the key factors that have driven your success and resilience over the years?

Thank you, when I started out in the industry I was a young, single Mother. Even earlier, as a teen Mum, I had no choice but to work as hard as I possibly could. When you are the sole provider for yourself and child, there is no alternative. I have always been extremely driven and tenacity comes with the territory. Failure was not nor has ever been an option.

Nexus: If you hadn't followed acting, which career pathway would you have taken and why?

My Mum always wanted me to become a Lawyer. I’ve always been naturally quite political and my Mum raised me to be a fierce advocate for the rights of our people. Both my Mum and Dad taught me about the importance of impartiality and equality. I chose to fight for such things via the industry. I’ve never ruled out going into Politics or Diplomacy at some stage in my life.

Nexus:. In today’s digital age, criticism and negativity can be prevalent. How do you manage to stay focused on your goals amidst the challenges of negative comments and media scrutiny?

I’m human like anyone else and super sensitive, so I definitely feel it when I’m so often targeted by other people’s negativity and media sensationalism at times. But I’ve lived a very real life, I know exactly who I am and what I am not. Also, because I, myself and people close to me would never behave in such a way towards other people. It just comes down to understanding that ONLY people who are unhappy and discontent with their own lives project their own unhappiness and discontent towards others, specifically me. And that it’s nothing to actually do with me.

Nexus: What's your favourite film, and why?

Oooh, this is a tough one! Young Teuila would say, The Sound of Music or Grease!!

However, ONE of my favourite films is ‘Life Is Beautiful’ directed by Roberto Benigni. It resonates with my own philosophy in life that, no matter how difficult life can be, you can still choose to find the beauty in the struggle.

Nexus: Your career has included a wide range of iconic roles, including my personal favourite, Sione’s Wedding. Which role has personally impacted your growth the most, and why?

I learn and grow through every role I play. But playing ‘Leilani’ in Sione’s Wedding probably had the most impact on my growth, at the time because of the significance of the project. Sione’s Wedding was made at a time when the industry didn’t believe an all brown project could work. It took us 5 years to even get to the point

of shooting the film. It was such an important project for so many reasons and my first film project as an actress, it’s very personally meaningful to me.

Nexus: As an advocate for women’s refuge, what drives you to support this cause, and how do you believe empowerment can change the lives of women who've faced difficult situations?

I spent over a decade in seriously abusive relationships in my younger days, which is why I advocate for women in abusive relationships. I understand how one can end up in such relationships and also, how difficult they are to get out of. Personal empowerment and non- judgemental support, are key factors in women finding the strength to get out of such situations. If one is strong enough to endure abuse, one truly possesses the strength to get out of such relationships too.

Nexus: Dealing with personal loss while maintaining a busy career is tough. Can you provide insights into finding strength, moving forward, and honoring your mothers memory?

One of the first things I learnt in this industry, very early on, is that nothing short of your own death, stops the show going on. For an industry where we literally use our feelings in our work, there is little to no accommodation for personal feelings. I have had a life where I’ve had to carry on no matter how I felt, or what I was going through but losing my Mum during a project was incredibly hard. The fact that I am a Samoan actress in this industry alone, honours my Mother’s memory and I am grateful she got to see that for almost 20 years before she passed. I know she was very proud of me and I miss her dearly.

Nexus: As an accomplished individual, what advice would you give to young people who aspire to pursue their dreams, especially in industries that might be challenging to break into?

I truly believe that any individual who truly wants to succeed in whatever it is they want to do, will. Many industries are challenging to break into but if you up to facing whatever challenges you may face, you will succeed. The end.

Nexus: If you had an unlimited budget to create a film, what would you create?

There are a couple of film concepts I’d love to make, all around Women, specifically, Island Women.

Nexus: What is your dream role and why?

Two roles that really inspired me as an actress were Rena Owen’s, Beth in ‘Once Were Warriors’ and Angela Basset’s, Bernie in ‘Waiting to Exhale’. I’d love to play something raw and heavy like that. I’ve not played a role like that yet but I know I have it in me.

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Inky Pinky Ponky

Jak Rāta

Like many of you, I saw this movie all over Tiktok. I didn’t go to school in South Auckland, but you can IMMEDIATELY see the tonal shift in representation without having even watched this. But guess what, I did watch it. And guess what again bro, so the fuck should you.

Inky Pinky Ponky is that shit. Meaning it’s easily one of the best films I’ve seen in a long time. The movie follows a teenage fakaleitī who is forced to fight through bigotry as she prepares for her first day at St Valentine’s High School – her third school transfer following years of bullying. Lisa tells the story through constantly breaking the fourth wall and slipping into dream sequences.

She meets Moses, Captain of the First XV, on her first day. It’s not an immediate love at first sight, sort of following a She’s All That storyline. It’s an obvious tell right? But no, there’s one major difference. This is a Kiwi flick so the story feels central and, most importantly, relatable aye. One of the scenes where all the characters are watching Moses and Lisa sitting together and he gives her a chicken burger because it’s “the most expensive thing at the tuck shop”. Chea, pretty on alright.

While the story is just heartwarming and impressive, let’s take a moment from the direction and cinematography. The crew and team, of which it’s difficult to find information about, created a visual masterpiece. Don’t come for me though, when you go into it thinking it’s going to Avatar level creation. It’s really not. But oftentimes when films are made locally, we face the issue of it looking cheaply made and not giving cinema. This doesn’t have that issue. It’s lit well, every shot is interesting, with a good amount of visual cues working with the dry humour.

One last point I want to make is the performance of Lisa’s Mum, Oscars my bro. Not only is she like all my Aunties but she’s one of the most effective writings of a polynesian mother I’ve seen on screen. It felt like a bit of a stereotype to start but then she settles into the role quickly, and becomes my favourite character. There’s a specific scene where she holds Lisa’s journal as she cries. It’s hella effective and I fucked with the energy she gave off as she starts to accept her daughter.

The thing about Inky Pinky Ponky that I really enjoy is just that its ending isn’t what you think it’s going to be. There’s a fake out with Lisa and Moses where you think, “Oh shit, they’re going to end up together” Psych bitch. It’s all about self-empowerment and breaking chains of generational trauma in polynesian households. An impressive feat made for a film that was uploaded in its entirety to youtube. In the end, you feel nothing but pride for Lisa as she reclaims her womanhood and becomes who she’s meant to be.

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The Nun II

Joshua Gibbs

I remember being ten years old when I first heard about The Conjuring. One of my friend’s older sister’s other friend snuck into the R-rated film, and lived to tell the tale of the scariest movie she had ever seen; The film is now a horror classic in most sane people’s catalogues, and hardly any horror films have been able to beat it since its release in 2013.

I can now behold to you, ten years later, that the newest instalment in The Conjuring franchise is unoriginal, boring, and could possibly be one of the worst films I ever did see- but somehow still manages to create an absolute ball of a time.

The Nun II is exactly what it sounds like; the second film about some wack-ass Nun, who’s only Nun-like qualities are the costume she wears and her bland personality. Seriously, the only thing this demon does is open her far too wide mouth and shoot lasers out of her eyes, which I can see my sister do any time I want for free.

The main cast includes (but is not limited to) Susan from Narnia, the hairbrush that ended racism, girl from The Hate U

Give, and The Conjuring's main star Vera Farmiga…’s younger sister. I can’t help but feel this was a case of nepotism, like, they have almost no relation within the franchise but could be twins irl? The acting from this lineup isn’t bad per say, but when an oversized goat man is chasing you through an old monastery, when can it be good? But some people are kind of into that, so no judgement.

I just want to plant my feet into the writers room, whenever the fateful day was that all the executives green lit this film. I imagine it went something like ‘So there’s this demon Nun who’s back for revenge, even though they killed her in the first one, and now they’re at this school for girls at an old Nun house place thing, and there’s also Satan as a goat who’s gonna chase them, but there’s also several side plots that are introduced that we never come back to, like a small Nun doubting her faith, and a really hot caretaker and Susan from Narnia forming a love triangle with her daughter’. Because that’s EXACTLY how I think it went.

On a serious note, the directing in this bitch isn’t bad at all. It’s rather decent actually, with less emphasis on bad jumpscares and more on tension- with what lies in the shadows rather than what’s about to jump out at you. Once one gives into the complete absurdity of the concept and cash grab that is this film, it’s actually really enjoyable. And besides, who doesn’t love a film where all you have to do is watch it, with no overthinking required? In the end, it isn’t awfully hard to do so.