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Jared Ipsen

Sure, you can read any of the other weekly headline sum-ups if you like - but where else would you find such raw, in depth analysis, such biassed and opinionated takes, such a beautiful grasp on the English language, such hilarious quips, and barely any coverage of the actual big top stories? Here’s some news from Aotearoa and beyond, and if you don’t like any of that and you just want some washed boomer shit, there’s always The New Zealand Herald.

Your least favourite male’s favourite male Elon Musk has purchased Twitter for a reported $43 billion dollars. Making his start in business with his daddy’s blood diamond money, Musk went on to found PayPal where he was later removed due to being ‘inexperienced’ - the rest of his career milestones include spreading COVID misinformation, posting cringe, calling an advisor at the Tham Luang cave rescue operation a pedophile, allegedly having dinner with Jeffrey Epstein a bunch of times, and failing to meaningfully deliver on any of his promises at Tesla (where he is currently under investigation for insider trading). But he’s actually super cool cos he’s kind of like Iron Man, right? From those Marvel movies? So cool. He also designs and builds all the rockets at SpaceX himself, by hand. He like, does stuff with like, space and Mars and stuff. He’s just like, Tony Stark in real life hahahaha. The memes he posts from iFunny are totally epic too. So cool!

While the investigation into mistreatment at ARISE Church is ongoing, it seems like a reckoning for Pentecostal churches across Aotearoa is on its way. For those unfamiliar with the different flavours of Christianity, ‘Pentecostalism’ is a movement loosely based on the Christian Bible with, among other things,