Entertainment

Top 10

Worst Songs of 2022 so far

Pushin P by Gunna & Future - TikTok has a way of running these songs into the ground and you can’t tell me otherwise. This shit sucks.

ur just horny by GAYLE - Coming off the high of ABCDEFU, GAYLE just isn’t throwing it down like she should be.

Cloud 9 by donatachi - Sorry but this is an electro nightmare that has no end. Please. Let. It. End.

Thousand Miles by Kid Laroi - The only song named Thousand Miles that’s worse than Vanessa Carltons.

First Class by Jack Harlow - Ya’ll hyping this man up too much. That being said, he could spit in my mouth, but this song ain’t it my guy.

2Step by Ed Sheeran (ft. DaBaby) - Ya’ll…

High by The Chainsmokers - They say white men rule the world. That’s not in reference to these men using autotune to bumblefuck through an average song.

Emo Girl by MGK & WILLOW - I don’t hate TikTok trending sounds, but MGK making jokes about having sex with young girls and then collabing with WILLOW. Bruh.

Cloudy Day by TONES and I - Do me a favour and stream Eyes Don’t Lie, it’s leaps and bounds better.

my ex’s best friend by MGK & Blackbear - I know it’s a 2020 track… still average 2 years later. Don’t Quote Me

“oHHHHHHHH JEEEEEEEEEESSSS was this soooo insane for me…”

- Says Billie Eilish on performing with legend, Damon Albarn

“Like this if u up”

- Jack Harlow sounding like every late night tinder troller

“fruit rollups got that aggressive texture”

- Doja Cat, after mentioning she wasn’t a picky eater

“I wanna take a pic with Cardi B inside my cardigan”

- Cardi B being… well Cardi B

Crush of the Week

Von Tempsky Putikitiki Street

Nothing screams ready for a new relationship like changing your name, deleting your photos and reinventing yourself. Von Tempsky has done just that, and hoh mami– we’re ready for her bad bitch era. With the recent change in name, Putikitiki street is looking hotter than ever with a better lease on life and just a bad bitch energy that is unmatched by anyone else in Kirikiriroa. Cook Street, we don’t know her. Cameron Road, fucking who? Honestly none of you bitches know what you’re in for when Putikitiki comes out swinging.

Locals hear strange noises, thinking a racecar is being fine tuned

Students in and around College Hall last week were met with strange moans and groans coming from the first floor around 2pm. When asked about it, Nexus were told “either someone is having the best sex of their life or they’re going for a daytime emmy with that performance.” While it’s admirable to get freaky on a Tuesday arvo, maybe limit the MPM (moans-per-minute) to 12-15.

New Paintings wow students, if you can find them

Boon on Campus happened, good shit, but honestly where are they? We’re left scratching our heads as we go on a belated Easter Egg hunt to find the new mahitoi that’s allegedly on campus. Officials are baffled as photos are put up but with no location tagged.

Village… green?

The Village Green is looking exceptionally different as new irrigation is put in, putting a stop to the public pool we expect to see around this time of year. This decision is met with sadness as locals now have to share their swimming hole with ducks, clambering to the Uni Lake instead. Treading on Twitter