Nexus 2015 Issue 11 by Nexus Magazine

N.11 / V.47

Clarence Street 7am – 10pm, 7 days a week. Phone (07) 839-4056

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25 MAY 2015 MONEY ISSUE Editor Jessica Wilson editor@nexusmag.co.nz Design Olivia Paris design@nexusmag.co.nz Deputy Editors Brittany Rose Jules Craft

01 EDITORIAL $$$

03 NEWS

No... Come Back Honey... We Can Work It Out: The Tale of the 2015 Budget

07 SPORTS Tale of Two Halves

Managing Editor James Raffan News Editor Sam Marelich Contributors Alix Higby Chris Reive Jared Wooldridge Richard Swainson Caitlin Orton Hp Kelsie Moorland Tania Collins Peter Dornauf Samantha Brill Casey Dunstan Rebecca Pollard Emma Nygard James Brodie Aunty Slut Drunk Professor Resident Gay Zac Lyon Johnny Ryan Interns Ashleigh Matthews Jessamy Topping Johnny Ryan Cover Artwork Louis Graham mountainmoonvolcano.com yesthisislouis.com Advertising Andrew James aj@wsu.org.nz Offices Ground Floor, Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton

10 ENTERTAINMENT

Horoscopes / Trending on Twitter/ Please Don’t Quote Me / Beats by J / Yik Yak of the Week

12 REVIEWS

Mad Max: Fury Road / A Royal Night Out / Furnace / Something Like Normal

15 NEXUS 50 The Nexus Investigation

16 ARTS

Elements of Freethinking

16 AUTEUR Auteur Hosue Presents... The Arbor

18 FEATURES

The Cost of Studenting /Buying Things Without Being a Douche / Money: The Relationship Destroyer

27 SNAPPED Send us your snaps!

28 YOUR SPACE High Tea: Hillcrest

30 COLUMNS

The Single Life / ALC 101 / Aunty Slut / The Weekly Grind / She’s Abroad / A Fashionable Lifestyle

Online nexusmag.co.nz facebook.com/nexusNZ @nexusmag Spotify: nexusmagazine

36 COOKING Thai Pumpkin Soup

38 CARE By-Election 2015

40 PUZZLES

Editorial NEXUS MAGAZINE

$$$ Jess Wilson

have to skimp. Ever turned the heating off when it’s still cold? That’s minimum wage for you. Money is also the reason why a lot of us — or at least management students — are spending three plus years studying degrees we don’t want to do, but do anyway because they’re likely to earn more money. Money is a fickle mistress. Yeah the world sucks, but at least I don’t have a student loan

I don’t have a student loan and I don’t live off cheap food.

— but that’s not to say I’ve had it easy. I didn’t grow up with

Hating me yet?

a huge amount of bank, instead I grew up in a shoebox in the

Money. Most people want a lot of it, but there’s a dark side to our love of dollar bills. Money provides us with our basic needs of food, water, shelter, and coffee. Good right? Money also helps to fulfill our wants, for instance travel, nice clothes, cider, and Wong’s. However, a lack of money is also the reason many of us are eating beef sausages with just 10% meat; money is also the reason some of us are/have been/ will be homeless. A lot of the reasons many of us lack money is because it’s spread so unequally. Half of the world’s wealth

middle of the road. There were 150 of us stuffed in it. But I was lucky. My friends lived for three months in a paper bag in a septic tank. Taylor Swift, my friend’s nickname at the time, used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the paper bag, eat Special K, go to work down at the studio, fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for sixpence a week — and when she got home her Dad would play her nemesis, Katy Perry — also a nickname and not to be confused with the popular musician, Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson.

is owned by just 1% of the population. If that isn’t shocking

Because of the sadness my upbringing brought me, my

enough, the 85 richest people in the world have as much

parents decided to pay for my studies, which proves one,

wealth as the 3.5 billion poorest. Because the men at the top

and only one thing: nepotism is the only way you’re ever

are getting paid more, we get paid less, and so a lot of us

going to make money. Give up now.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Lettuce

Killin’ It P. Ossum

who’s the cunt that ran me over on gordonton road the other day? i didn’t

Buckle Up For Safety, Motherfucker A disgruntled motorist

get your plates but i saw a waikato uni thsirt on you, do yo think its some kind of game to run over us possums?

Hey nexus, Just wanted someone to rant to and I thought of you. Got fined $150 by a cop today for not wearing my seatbelt, within a mile of campus.

ScienLOLogy

That’s like, all I earned at work last week. I always thought my first infringement

Nes Benacek

arrogant disdain or disregard for the law. So what if I forget to fasten my belt

notice would be for something more badass – speeding or reckless driving or whatever. No, just absent-mindedness. I mean, it’s not as though I did it out of within the first ninety seconds of my journey back to the flat? The only thing I’ve

That article on scientology encouraging students to take a look its dangerous. What is it doing in your University magazine????? Scientology is not a religion. It bullied the IRS through legal bombardment, into recieving tax free status for being a religion. Its a money making racket

really learned is it might be a good idea to invest in tinted windows. You can say ‘Sorry, I’ll never shoplift again’, or ‘I’ll never go 120 down T straight again. I don’t reckon I can say ‘Sorry, I’ll never drive a half-mile down a 50kph road again without remembering to buckle up.’

that destroys lifes and families. They tell lies and contort the truth. It has

Why was he patrolling around campus anyway? Most of us are in significant debt

a history of human abuse and brainwashing. IT SHOULD BE IGNORED BY

and on low income. And why the hell didn’t I just sleep in and skip that class? I

ANYONE not advertised

think NWA said it best back in ’88 (a sentiment, I consider, that is perhaps reserved

“Going Clear” is a movie documentary 2014 proving the horrible money

for more odious circumstances).

making racket the church has been and always has been. Now I am horrified that this article was accepted by the your NEXUS magazine for print. What sort of lack of education is this?

I Hate Fat People Jenny & Craig

Craccum Loves Nexus Matt from Craccum

Fat shaming should be encouraged! I was formerly a fatty. I was 180cm and weighed in at 132kgs at my peak. Being fat ruins your life. Specially if you are young, single and dont have a job. On paper even if you were the best candidate for the job, you will not get hired. The girls you like wont even consider you. Every shred of your self confidence

Hey Jess,

gets shredded when you are around thin people. Struggling to take the stairs and

Craccum has received the first five copies of Nexus mag and just wanted to

preferring the lifts or escalators hurt so much inside.

let you know that I think your editorials are absolutely hilarious. Great work!

To all the fatties out there: STOP RUINING YOUR LIVES. ITS NOT YOUR GENETICS.

I particularly liked the No One Loves You and flatting editorial.

ITS YOUR PIG LIKE LIFESTYLE. Eat a little less and move a bit more. You will not see results in two weeks but in two years, your life will be completely changed.

Keep it up. An editorial fan

You will thank yourself former self for doing this.

Rack City Bitch

Disclaimer Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the

Attempted Loyal Reader

publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors

writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or

Why the fuck are there no Nexuses left after Monday? There are more empty racks then fill. I don’t have class on Monday so turn up Tuesday and the racks are empty. It’s bull shit sort it out Nexus.

N.11 / V.47

coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech. Email your lettuce to lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz

News NEXUS MAGAZINE

NEWS FROM THE UNIVERSITY

GET SET FOR B SEMESTER If you haven’t already added your July papers, now’s the time. To add or change papers, complete a Change of Enrolment through iWaikato or check out what’s available in our catalogue of papers. For more info call 0800 WAIKATO (0800 924 528) or visit wwww.waikato.ac.nz/study/ enrol/b-semester

FIFA U–20: 2–FOR–1 DEAL The FIFA U-20 World Cup is here and the University has negotiated a special deal for students. Buy 2-for-1 tickets to any of the Hamilton matches (Quarter Final not included) via the link on iWaikato with the password: UOW. Offer ends midnight Wednesday 27 May.

WAIKATO4NEPAL Our Hillary Scholars, in association with the WSU and Waikato’s Nepalese students, are holding an earthquake appeal on Wednesday 27 May, 10am-2pm on the Village Green, Hamilton, including a bake sale and Nepalese cultural performances. All funds raised will go to the victims of the Nepal earthquake.

HILLARY SCHOLARSHIPS NOW OPEN Are you skilled in academia, leadership and a sport or creative/performing art? Applications for the 2016 Sir Edmund Hillary Scholarship Programme are now open. For more info visit www.waikato.ac.nz/about/hillary

KICK-START YOUR CAREER

LAST CHANCE Complete the Student Barometer Survey in your inbox before Monday 1 June to be in the draw to win either an iPad Air 2, Samsung Galaxy V phone or Marley Jammin headphones!

Need help planning your career? Book in for a Hamilton or Tauranga workshop this month. CV Writing: Mon 25 May, 1-2pm in the Student Centre, level 1, Hamilton. Career Planning: Thu 28 May, 10-11am in the Student Centre, level 1, Hamilton. Social Media/LinkedIn: Wed 3 June, 1-2pm in the Bongard Centre, DT203, Tauranga. Book in at www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/careers/workshops2015.shtml 3

NEXUS MAGAZINE News

NEXUS NEWS NEWS

NO... COME BACK HONEY... WE CAN WORK IT OUT: THE TALE OF THE 2015 BUDGET James Raffan, Sam Marelich and Kate Lunn

Lately?” section nobody has done more to fuck students than National in the past 7 years... Unless you count that time in 2010 they let ACT do unspeakable, rough things to us that killed any hope of the waikato ever having an earth shattering O (week) again! So the first question we had was about Honesty. Do they lie to us? Do they promise a surplus (or a wedding) for six years fail deliver? Bennett: The goal of reaching a surplus has really only been put out another year from originally planned. The Budget deficit announced today is pretty

Writing a budget story is hard. Because any way you look at it the story was just

marginal in the overall scheme of things. For students a solid government

going to be depressing numbers. They just don’t mean anything to most students. For

financial performance means a growing economy which means opportunities for

instance this year the government decided fee raises will be 3% instead of 4%. We’re

employment. Also if the Government books are in order then it has the ability for

still getting screwed it’s just about how much money they leave on the nightstand.

greater spending in areas such as Education and social policy over time.

We couldn’t get it to work. Then it dawned on us lets just pretend it isn’t a budget,

Moroney: The Government’s failure to produce a budget surplus for a seventh

it’s something else.

year is further proof of poor economic management. They have broken the number one promise they made in last year’s election and have failed the test

See, the Budget is like meeting someone new at Bar 101. They make you feel

they set for themselves. New Zealand has been out of recession for three years

special. It’s exciting, it’s dangerous and — a change from your ungrateful bae

now, and still they can’t balance the books. Labour produced nine surpluses in

who doesn’t realise how good you are!

nine years.

So do you stick with the same boring “Government” mum and dad like but who will never love you. Or do you start something cheap and torrid with potential to be something more It’s a tough call but else can you do? Naturally when making the decision you talk to mutual friends to help decide what your heart wants. In this case our mutual friends are Hamilton East MP David Bennett who’s like that friend that always talks up your boyfriend and Sue Moroney who we don’t know well enough to joke about.

Yeah so they have hurt us in the past but they have our best interests at heart now right? Bennett: The slight changes in previous years have been needed to enable the country to get its accounts in order to reach a surplus over time. Even with these slight changes that target is still difficult to achieve. The changes in the Student allowance area and loans were structured to affect the least number of students and didn’t affect the vast bulk of students and were targeted to areas, such as

Before we start we need to set some ground rules, specifically, we aren’t going

continuous failure of courses, where some signals were required. So although to

to make this decision for you and we aren’t going to judge based on sexual

the individuals affected by those changes will have concerns the overall amounts

performance because as you can tell by our “What Have You Done For Me

were not large in determining the country’s financial results, but they all add up.

N.11 / V.47

News NEXUS MAGAZINE

Moroney: The National government began by introducing voluntary student membership to student unions — this crippled the student unions and particularly

• $500,000 in 2014/15 for Studylink to implement fees-free foundation education for those under 25, and for Māori and Pasifika Trades Training.

NZUSA, meaning there was no longer an effective union that represented the views and issues for students. The New Zealand Union of Students Associations (NZUSA) said in 2012 about 15 per cent of the New Zealand university student population were suffering “absolute financial distress”. Two-thirds of students are ineligible for allowances because of the parental means test, and the Government

2013 • $130 million over four years in new funding for investment in tertiary education. This included another $9.3 million for engineering and $17.9 million for science.

should restore a universal student allowance. The government raised student loan

• Student allowances eligibility was removed for those over 65 years. The

and allowance rates by a meagre 90 cents, yet house prices in Hamilton have risen

budget also reduced the lifetime limit for student allowance eligibility for those

$3.73 on average, this year. These changes cannot keep up with rocketing rent

aged 40 and over from 200 weeks to 120 weeks from January 2014.

prices. Budget 2015 made these issues worse, with the parental income threshold for student allowance being frozen for a further year. It’s really easy to say that anything new is sexy, but is the grass really greener? Bennett: Well we don’t really know what would be in their Budget. But we can assume the deficit would be in the Billions of dollars as they have made considerable spending promises over the years. This would mean that our economy recovery would be put at risk and so New Zealanders would face higher unemployment, lower growth rates and higher interest rates as a result. Their Budget would be detrimental to the future of our country and would not involve prudent financial management in these very delicate world economic conditions. It would be expected to be much higher spending for the sake of it under their plans. This spending would be at the whim of their political ambitions without consideration of actual delivery of services Moroney: A Labour budget would have achieved a budget surplus, while taking measure to address rampant housing costs that would increase Government revenue. This increased revenue would be used for measures like lifting more children out of poverty, investing in economic growth in regions like the Waikato

• The student loan and allowance stand-down period was extended for permanent residents from two to three years from January 2014. • A change was made in the calculation of the cost of lending in the Student Loan scheme to a more accurate “year of lending” basis. 2012 • Further allocation of $158.9 million over four years to invest in engineering, science, and research-led learning. • $100 million was allocated to increase the size of the Performance-Based Research Fund from $250 million to $300 million a year by 2016. • The student loan repayment rate for New Zealand-based borrowers over the repayment threshold was increased from 10 cents to 12 cents in the dollar. • Removal of the voluntary repayment bonus (borrowers could receive a 10 per cent bonus if they made voluntary repayments that totalled more than $500 over 12 months). • Removal of eligibility for student allowances for postgraduate study.

by establishing Centres of Vocational Excellence. Labour would restore student allowances for postgraduate students, reinstated post-doctoral fellowships and undertake a full review of the student support system. But why would I leave them? He’s a rockstar! Moroney: For most people, John Key’s so-called “Rock Star Economy” is one that came in uninvited and trashed the motel room, slept in late the next day and then left without paying. It represents an Government that is “big on talk” while most struggle to pay the bills from week to week. Bennett: NZ has one of the best economies in the Western world, probably only the USA has a better economy at this time. However, the real growth in the world is in outside of the west — these are our neighbours and trade partners. So although we are fundamentally strong it’s neither rock star status nor a sheep in wolves clothing. What we have is a solid economy with good growth and strong fundamentals but

2011 • A 2 per cent increase in the funding rate for all degree and post-graduate courses. • The budget equalised the funding rate for postgraduate courses across universities polytechnics and wānanga. • A restriction of student loan eligibility for those with overdue student loan repayment obligations of $500+ and who are in default for more than one year. • Limiting borrowing for people aged 55+ to tuition fees only. • Removal of course related costs for part-time full-year students. • The repayment holiday for overseas-based borrowers was shortened from three years to one year.

our competitors are making strong inroads into their economic development as well. 2010 What have they done for me lately? Sure, when we look back we remember the good times. Like when they took us to the rugby but we try to forget some of the truly awful shit they have done to us. 2014 • $198.6 million for new investment in tertiary education. It focused on increasing funding for science, technology, engineering,and mathematics (STEM) subjects. • The suspension of inflation adjustments to the student loan repayment threshold (currently $367 a week) was extended a further two years until April 2017. This increased the total repayments made by students, reducing repayment times for borrowers and future lending costs for the Crown.

• A lifetime limit on access to student loans was introduced — seven years of full time study for an undergraduate degree. • The StudyLink student loan administration fee was increased from $50 to $60 as well as a new $40 annual account fee following the completion of study. • Introduction of an annual maximum fee movement, capping increases at 4% in 2011 So do you stay with the stable but mean current partner or engage is something possibly dirty and fresh with someone who is promising they will love you forever? That is the story of BUDGET 2015... 5

NEXUS MAGAZINE News

NEWS

TREES, JADEINE AND CHARLOTTE WIN IN THE WSU BY-ELECTION Trees were the real winner of the WSU’s first ever online by-election. Jadeine McLeod and Charlotte Sanson were also winners, but let’s start with the trees. Over 1,000 votes were registered online, if we put that into perspective the last “proper election” got 1,700 votes and that had a shitload more controversy and craziness. That’s a whole lot of trees that didn’t become paper ballots. The last student member of council election didn’t take place due to lack of interest and the one before got about 300. So with 1,000 votes, well done to all of you tree saving pro-democracy kids. You’re the real heroes In the end Jadeine (229 votes) and Charlotte (222) were 30 votes ahead of

ISIS AND US Alix Higby

third place. After hearing the results Jadeine had this to say to Nexus “I’m in shock in the best possible way, so excited to start working hard for students.” While Charlotte who was contacted via Facebook, having just come out of surgery

On May 14th Waikato international Law Professor, Alexander Gillespie, held a public lecture on the war against ISIS and the reasons why NZ should or should not get involved. With a full theatre and an estimated 280 in attendance, the Q & A section dragged on longer than the lecture itself —

and possibly still a little drug-fucked, said of her election victory “What better way to celebrate my newly found position as a WSU director than with a couple trammies (trammadol)” quickly making her mark as the funny director. Although she doesn’t really have a lot of competition for that title.

ultimately resulting in more questions than answers. Clearly the public are

President Stewart was quick to congratulate all the candidates for a massive by-

in need of a general consensus or at the very least, a basic pro and con list.

election “It was so great to have such outstanding candidates for our by-election

To that effect, Prof. Gillespie delivered, though he refused to take a stance

and congratulations to the two successful candidates. I look forward to working

on the issue; “Those who are going to behead me for going for war, or those

with both of you for the rest of the year.”

who are going to behead me for not going for war will be disappointed.”

The results were as follows

He highlighted that, compared to “the gold standard for terrorism” al

Jadeine McLeod (229)

Marie Fili (123)

Qaeda, Islamic State are more “street” and “appealing to a wider class,”

Charlotte Sanson (222)

Wayne Mako (113)

which, paired with their lofty goals of regional conquest and disregard

William Lewis (192)

Rikus Wiehahn (97)

for the rules of war, are what make them terrifying to us. The pro-war list

Kale Isaac (180)

Stephen Taylor (89)

concluded with a chilling insistence that, “As much as you might not be

Ari Lewis (135)

interested in them, I can assure you they are interested in you.” But, he then countered, who are we defending? Do we know what peace looks like? Why should we get involved in a non-UN war that has no exit strategy? The cons list is just as long as the pros. Gillespie broke down the complex issue with low brow analogies, comparing the Arab Spring’s toppling of dictators to, “Pac man in the middle east,” and eliminating ISIS to the impossible game of Whack-a-Mole. It is by now abundantly clear that it is too early to know which way is up, but it is imperative that we think this all the way through. The post-lecture Q & A began with a passionate but incoherent member of the audience desperately angling for a soapbox that could not be found on such wishy-washy ground. She was quickly booed out of the room for the attempt and was cut from the version uploaded to YouTube. Gillespie’s point was that deliberation is imperative before we commit to or refrain from involvement, something he feels the government failed to do when they committed 143 troops to the war. “I don’t think John Key listened to my lectures and said, Al, I’m gonna go left or I’m gonna go right. I think he got a phone call from his friends and said, ‘I’m going to join the club.’ ”

N.11 / V.47

Jadeine McLeod

Charlotte Sanson

Sports NEXUS MAGAZINE

SPORTS OPINION For me, the big question is, who will play alongside Mitchell Pearce in the NSW’s halves? Pearce has been one of the most in-form players of the competition so far. He’s making good decisions on attack and doing his bit on the defensive end. My choices for his halves partner are either Blake Austin or Trent Hodkinson. Austin is another player who has been absolutely on fire this year. Since moving to Canberra from Wests Tigers, he has found his home in the halves, carving up defences all over the show. Austin is a threat because he is both a playmaker and a ball runner. He has pace, is solidly built, and can play in a range of positions. This versatility makes him a desirable choice as cover for potential injury. Trent Hodkinson, on the other hand, is an Origin-winning halfback. He was a key player in last year’s series, scoring what would prove to be a series winning try.

TALE OF TWO HALVES Chris Reive

The 26 year old has been around the park for longer than Austin, and offers a lot more in terms of big game experience. Hodkinson is a reliable player and proven at Origin level. He’s favourite to snag the halfback role — and for good reason. My decision: For game one, I’m picking Trent Hodkinson. I’d bring Austin into the training squad in a 19th man role, and use him in game three if the series is over

There has been a lot of speculation as to who will wear the six and seven for New

after two. The first game of the series sets the tone for the remaining two. You

South Wales come game one of State of Origin on May 27. With that date fast

want guys who you know will handle the pressure and make plays when they need

approaching, I’d like to give my two cents on the matter.

to. For me, that’s Hodkinson.

HIGH FIVE

STATE OF ORIGIN PLAYERS Mal Meninga The current coach of the Queensland side was also very handy on the field. Meninga played at center in 32 S.O.O games, scoring a total of 161 points.

Brad “Freddy” Fitler Freddy is the most capped NSW player with 31 games under his belt. In those 31 games he found the line 8 times — if my maths is correct then that’s a strike rate of 0.258.

Darren Lockyer You can’t have a top five Origin players list without Lockyer. He is the most capped Queensland player with 36 games played, scoring 82 points over the span of those games.

Craig Fitzgibbon The big second row/lock was one of those unusual forward who is given kicking duties. He played in eleven matches, kicking 20 goals and scoring 44 points in his Origin career.

Wally Lewis Lewis is one of the game’s great names. “The King” holds the record for most man of the match awards at Origin level with eight. He also captained the side 29 times.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Left vs. Right

NO PAIN, NO CAPITAL GAIN The average price of a home in Auckland is now $800,000, with some sources forecasting it to reach 1 million by the end of the year. In response, the Government has issued a limited capital gains tax, which doesn’t include businesses, in the hopes to cut housing demand by stopping investment speculators from buying up property. LEFT

RIGHT

“I hate capital gains taxes – I just don’t like them. The reason I don’t like them

We can all agree that property prices in Auckland are skyrocketing to

is that, in political terms, I don’t think they work. The theory is they’re going to

unbelievable heights. Uninhabitable wrecks are selling for more than half a

sock it to rich guys who live in Parnell – so they’re going to really nail them. But

million throughout the city and even average places are going up faster than

actually, those rich guys in Parnell are way smarter than the left, because they’ve

Gerry Brownlee at a buffet lunch. It’s a storm in a teacup that’s not going to last.

already worked out to buy a big house in Parnell [which] would be exempt.”

The average Kiwi doesn’t believe housing prices can go down, despite the price

That quote is from Prime Minister and Parnell resident John Key (2012).

of both milk solids and oil halving during the past 12 months. Home ownership is

Welcome to the left side of the capital gains tax/Auckland Housing bubble, or

ingrained in our national psyche. It’s all our news media manage to cover — and

as we will now title the argument, “fuck you National, you hypocritical fuckwits,

cover it they do — with a new story on housing affordability every single day.

you are breaking my country.”

Yet for every story of a mouldy Grey Lynn home selling for seven figures, the

This government has a real Parnell problem. They look around their golf courses, expensive houses, and what I am assuming is largely white dinner parties, and decide if they are doing well, the country is doing well.

comments made by the Reserve Bank Governor Graeme Wheeler didn’t get much attention when he mentioned that the housing market (in particular Auckland) is at risk of a “sharp correction, leading to financial instability,” which is another way of saying ANZ, ASB and Westpac might be in the shit. Wheeler isn’t a fly by night

The most damaging lie they perpetuate, is that you don’t deserve to live in

hack writing opinion fluff for Stuff — he’s been working with macroeconomic

Parnell if you haven’t earned it the same way they have. If you are not smart

situations since the early 70s and has done time at the New Zealand Treasury, the

enough to rig the game then you need to work harder.

OECD and the World Bank (where he was in charge of 12,000 staff).

The conviction, the political bravado, and the “get some guts” bullshit goes out

Shamubeel Eaqub, the principal economist for economic think tank NZIER

the window the moment it falls apart. They go from Rockstar Economy to “the

has gone further saying “essentially it’s a Ponzi scheme because you need

problem is a global one.” From “we will combat child poverty” to “Labour didn’t

more and more new entrants to keep prices rising and that’s exactly what’s

fix it either.” From “I hate capital gains” to “this tax on gains from capital isn’t

happening” as he compared the housing market to the finance companies that

really a capital gains tax.”

promised endless returns of 12% a year during the last decade (and ended in

It isn’t actually a capital gains tax because they don’t touch business. It’s about

the collective wiping of retirement savings for thousands of New Zealanders).

appearing to fix your own mess more than it is fixing the mess. It’s scoring two

We’ve got a situation where credit is easy to get cheaply. Banks are handing

points in a game and then saying, “between LeBron James and I we scored 48”

out mortgages willy nilly provided you’ve got the cash for a deposit. Like every

and that is the real argument here.

single boom in the past few hundred years, inflated prices are made possible by

This won’t fix the problem and then National can say “we tried”. They’ll conveniently leave out the part about letting overseas investment create the bubble or their own deregulation of the housing and financial markets, the continued inflation of our currency and the thousands of other disasters

easy money. You can get a mortgage rate of 5.8% today. Not even close to the 8-10% of ten years ago or 20%+ that homeowners battled in the eighties. How many people would be plunking down for a $700k mortgage when the interest alone is $120k rather than $30k every year?

endemic of their failed cult like adherence Reagan/Thatcher policy of economic

No doubt, we do need to build more houses. That’s what happens when

hegemony. Instead they will just change the narrative once again. It’ll be an

populations grow or people move to places for better job opportunities. We

unrealistic kiwi dream of homeownership that lead to the Auckland collapse.

need to accept that the Kiwi dream of a quarter acre section with a big backyard

Fuck you National you hypocritical fuckwits you are breaking my country!

is just not going to happen without enormous urban sprawl and endless traffic jams — we need to seriously examine high quality apartment and townhouse options. But in the short term we’ve got to sit this one out. The credit will run out, the party will stop and the bubble will burst.

N.11 / V.47

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Entertainment

HOROSCOPES

TRENDING ON TWITTER

Aries (March 21 — April 19) This is the week for you to do you. Not in a masturbation

NEXUS BLIND DATE

way but in a finding yourself in the cosmic pathway sense. Maybe also in a masturbation way — the stars are a little hazy. Taurus (April 20 — May 20) She is cheating on you with your flatmate. That is all the stars actually have to tell you but the graphic designer was like “about 50 words per horoscope” so… you should either break up with her or make your peace with it. Gemini (May 21 — June 20) Free yourself from your conscience and allow for spiritual fulfilment, or buy a large pandemonium from Hell Pizza Hillcrest. Note: portions of this horoscope may be sponsored.

Nexus @nexusmag · May 18 Welcome to the Blind Date live tweet. This just in, the man has arrived first. Thirsty or punctual? You decide. #blinddate Nexus @nexusmag · May 18 They’re sitting across from each other. Let’s hope one of them gets cold so they can cosy up, that’d be #cute 1

Cancer (June 21 — July 22) Stressed about assignments? Just remember University is a place where former A students teach B students how to work for C students.

Nexus @nexusmag · May 18 We have a lot of material to work with

Leo (July 23 — August 22) Don’t allow yourself to be caught up in an endless quest for happiness this week. Any self reflection should begin and end with a giant bowl of spicy noodles from Uni Mart.

Nexus @nexusmag · May 18 They’re staring at us FUCK FUCK FUCK 2

Virgo (August 23 — September 22) If you picked this magazine off the shelf at 9am on Monday then you should take comfort in the fact that at that exact moment there was only 2,991,660 seconds until the semester break

Nexus @nexusmag · May 18 He put his hands out but she did not reciprocate. I’m in pain help 2

Libra (September 23 — October 22) It’s time you accepted the one universal truth that life isn’t ever going to be fair. When you get fired and fail to pay your debt you get sent to Baycorp; when the government doesn’t pay up they get to say we came close to reducing our debt. So I guess what we are saying is run for government and be as

WHAT’S HOT WHAT’S NOT

fiscally irresponsible as you like. Scorpio (October 23 — November 21) Make this horoscope your facebook banner and snapchat it to @nexusmag or a beloved childhood pet will die. Sure it might not be YOUR beloved childhood pet, but statistically it might be. Do you really want to be responsible for killing a puppy? The zodiac says no. Sagittatrius (November 22 — December 21) This week you should sing and dance like nobody’s watching. Why? Because nobody is watching. You’re basically a social leper and nobody actually gives a shit what you do. Capricorn (December 22 — January 19) This week the focus is all about philanthropy. Come to #Waikato4Nepal and make charity your focus, if not charity then pancakes and a bake sale. Helping others never tasted so delicious.

WHAT’S HOT 1. Realising how weird ears are. What do the outer knobs do? 2. Hating on bad things like war and gender inequality. 3. Hating on Nexus apparently.

Aquarius (January 20 — February 18) Horoscopes are like the Yik Yak of unsolicited published advice. Like Yik Yak we can’t offer you anything constructive this week. Unlike Yik Yak, we are not getting that advice from a bunch of 18 year-old virgins claiming to be swimming in pussy. Pisces (February 19 — March 20) Marking the line on your vodka bottle isn’t going to stop your flatmates from drinking it. It’s just going to encourage your flatmates to water down your remaining vodka. Your flatmates are cunts.

WHAT’S NOT 1. Crying in the shower at 2 am because you’re so stressed from assignments. 2. Buying a drink on campus and finding out the same drink is cheaper at another place on campus. 3. When someone else’s phone rings and you look for yours.

N.11 / V.47

Entertainment NEXUS MAGAZINE

PLEASE DON’T QUOTE ME

BEATS BY J

“I GOT SUSPENDED FROM THE TRACK TEAM... FOR GETTING NAKED ON THE TRACK BUS.” – Chris Pratt

“I DON’T THINK I WOULD EVER FIGHT FLOYD MAYWEATHER… UNLESS WE WERE DATING” – UFC star Ronda Rousey

“BUT THEN I THOUGHT ... I’LL JUST LEAVE IT AND TRY AND ACT COOL.”

Lonely The Brave Backroads (Redux) Jessie J Flashlight Ella Eyre Together Pia Mia, G-Eazy F**k With U

– Paul McCartney; afraid to seem thirsty for Kanye approval

Felix Jaehn Shots - Broiler remix Oh Wonder Livewire YIK YAK OF THE WEEK

Mark Ronson, Mystikal Feel Right Pep & Rash Rumors Blonde, Alex Newell All Cried Out

Bleeding all over my new white sheets. #justgirlythings

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Reviews

FILM REVIEW

MAD MAX: FURY ROAD

A ROYAL NIGHT OUT

Jared Wooldridge

Richard Swainson

I saw Mad Max twice in the same day. Why? Because it is bat-

Expectations of historical accuracy need to be checked at the

shit crazy. You need to put this magazine down right now, leave

door if this paper thin comedy is to be enjoyed at all. While it

your lecture, and go see it [Editor’s note: no, keep reading].

is true that the future Elizabeth II and her party-loving younger

Imagine if thrash metal and the Fast and Furious movies had an

sibling, Margaret, did mingle with commoners during London’s

apocalyptic love-child. No, more than that, a feminist love-child.

VE Day 70 years ago, their actual adventures could not have

Because one of the most surprising and most welcome aspects

been anything like depicted here.

of Mad Max is that it is a strong, female-driven blockbuster. It even had “Men’s Rights” activists (misogynistic morons) calling for a boycott. Why? Because all the explosions tricked them into going to see a movie that went against gender stereotypes. Boohoo. Stay away and the rest of us will enjoy the best movie of the year so far.

classic, Roman Holiday. Like Hepburn’s fictional princess, Elizabeth yearns for some experiences free of royal responsibility and expectation and has a curiosity about how the “other half” live. When she meets a working class airman with a chip on his shoulder, she gets more than she bargained for. Meanwhile,

Mad Max has everything going for it. In an apocalyptic

little sis Margaret is being a squired around town by a cad and

Australia, the only currencies are water and gasoline. When

requires rescuing, if not from him then from herself.

Charlize Theron’s Furiosa (awesome name), decides to leave behind warlord Immortan Joe, an intense two-hour long chase sequence, involving some of the most creative and hellishly nightmarish car designs ever devised, ensues. Soon Tom Hardy’s Max Rockatansky (awesome name) is caught up in the mix, with practical effects and terrific action sequences that put Fast and Furious to shame.

The recreations of Trafalgar Square revels are impressively handled and Sarah Gadon does her best in the impossible task of playing the teenage heir but characterisations are at best surface and the farce strained. As George VI and the Queen respectively, Rupert Everett and Emily Watson as seem like they have escaped from an amateur production of The King’s Speech and Bel Powley’s bubble-headed Margaret is annoyingly one-

While at its core, Mad Max is one long chase sequence, there is

note. It’s the type of film where all officers are bullies or upper

an awful amount of story and heart injected into it, and trust me,

class twits and all working folk salt of the earth royalists.

you will be feeling those feels by the end of it. It is insanity on a screen, but it is never anything less than gorgeously spectacular. You will not regret seeing this movie, especially in a cinema. Plus, it angers people with stupid opinions. That is always a bonus.

A Royal Night Out takes its lead from the Audrey Hepburn

N.11 / V.47

A little more chemistry, if not outright romance, between the lead characters might have helped.

Reviews NEXUS MAGAZINE

FOOD REVIEW

MUSIC REVIEW

FURNACE

THE WET EP BY INSTANT FANTASY

Caitlin Orton

“Can you take your hat off?”

Instant Fantasy is the musical username/pseudonym of

One look at our waitress and I just know we are going to be the

Christchurch musician, Gemma Syme. She describes her debut

best of friends.

EP, The Wet EP, as “sexual hypno-drone” music, and while

Furnace, so rightly named after the overall toasty-ness of the restaurant, is a great place to go if you’re wanting an upper-class meal with a bar like atmosphere. They had some form of rugby on the widescreen and the general age group skewed towards thirty plus — so our group seemed a little out of place. Even

I can confess to having no idea what that means, the music nonetheless, drones ethereally around minimalist vocals and shuddering bass. It’s synth-based and sleepy whilst being dark and brooding. It sits on the same bus as Tricky, Chelsea Wolfe, and oOoOO — but they get off at different stops.

so, our orders were taken by our overly thorough waitress who

Opener, Wake Up with Bruises, really sounds akin to Syme

seemed content on making me and my crocheted beanie feel a

waking up and, well, finding bruises. She buries her opening

little out of place (I was having a bad hair day is all).

vocals under floating treble lines and plodding bass, in an

And then the food arrived. By far one of best garlic flat breads I have ever tried and I can’t deny that everyone genuinely enjoyed the delicious foods. I only had two issues with our evening, the first being the lack of vegetarian options in the main with only one pizza option catering to our friend’s food choice. That said her pizza was amazing and I’d thoroughly recommend it.

almost dream-like or strung out version of shoegaze. It really encapsulates the feel of the album, which again, Syme points to sexual references in her write up, “Though the songs are sad, they give a sense of freedom; post-orgasm after breaking up with someone”. Standout track, I Don’t See an Honest Man, definitely keeps to the horizontal pace, but Syme’s vocals take on a mantra or chanting quality. They skip in and out of the brooding instrumentals like

The second issue I had was the ginormous sized plate that my

the words in your head that you can never be sure are real. The

meal arrived on. It was literally, and I don’t use that term lightly,

EP holds continuity in its curation, though there definitely is

twice the size of my face. And the size of my meal you ask? The

room for Syme to expand when (hopefully) a full-length follow

size of my fist, which is fine because the caramelised apple and

up comes out. She could either poke her head above the gloom

the beautifully tasty sauce fully made up for any size issues I had.

for variation, or dive headlong into spaced-out bedroom galaxies complete with minor chord-stars and break up sex.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Reviews

BOOK REVIEW

SOMETHING LIKE NORMAL BY TRISH DOLLER

THE CHOSEN QUEEN BY JOANNA COURTNEY

Tania Collins

Kelsie Morland

I’ve always had a bit of a fascination about what makes someone

It seems that all the hype around the Royal family at the moment

decide they want to join the armed forces. Do they want to be

is influencing novel writers. Although this book has nothing to

heroes? Do they want to defend their country? Or do they simply

do with the monarchy on the throne at present, the idea of

want to blow things up?

hierarchy and royalty is becoming more and more frequent

In Something Like Normal, Trish Doller doesn’t take the easy route and give us a main character clearly defined as a hero. She gives us Travis who is not, by any stretch of the imagination, motivated

Aveyard, to Joanna Courtney, there is no shortage of royal fiction on modern bookshelves.

by patriotism. He doesn’t join the United States Marines to be

Set in 11th Century, The Chosen Queen follows the protagonist

the hero — he joins for no other reason than to choose his own

Edyth Alfgarsdottir, who dreams of everlasting love. Growing up

path. The Marines start off as an escape but ultimately become

in the English Royal Court, her and her family are exiled to Wales

intrinsically a part of what makes him who he is.

where there begins a battle of love and a bitter feud between

For me, Something Like Normal drew out every single emotion

patriarchal power and Edyth.

I possess. I loved the way Trish Doller made Travis so beautifully

The

flawed and complicated. I wasn’t just hearing about his

representation of the royalty genre. The description of tension

emotionless reaction to his girlfriend breaking up with him, his

and representation of hierarchy in the British royal court was

silent suffering through PTSD, or his haunting survivor’s guilt, I

superbly written. Alongside the commendable scenery, this is a

was feeling it right along with him. For the length of the novel, I

fantastic example of a bildungsroman (a coming-of-age story)

got to live in Travis’ head.

of a girl growing up to integrate into the culture and society in

There were times when I wanted to slap him and times when I just wanted to give him a hug. The realistic characterisation of Travis and the emotions he brought out in me as a reader were powerful. I thought he should be happy to be home but understood why he wasn’t and this is what made the book so compelling.

within modern fiction. From Philippa Gregory, to Victoria

N.11 / V.47

Chosen

Queen

fits

brilliantly

into

the

fictitious

which she resided. I really enjoyed this book, it was very easy to read and hard to put down.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Arts

Elements of Freethinking Peter Dornauf

Oleg Polounine does something of the same in his untitled work. He presents two small duplicate models of industrial conduits, or ducting systems, made of foil and aluminium, perfectly realised and indistinguishable from each other. Mounted on matching wooden shelving, the alignment of both objects is slightly off centre, plus the depth of placement is imperceptibly different. That which is mass produced and uniformly monolithic is thus provided with a critique. Freedom is espoused even within the boundaries of the homogenous and the standardised.

A freethinker belongs to the sceptical tradition, one that eschews reliance on revelation or custom for answers to the big and small questions. Is God an outmoded device? Will it hurt if I squat with my spurs on? One likes to believe the critical thinker and free spirited individuals are bred inside institutions of higher learning. They are, by definition, people who challenge, question, defy, and disrupt. Giordano Bruno did and it wasn’t a good day for the man when he met the inquisition. But thankfully we’ve given up on burning people at the stake and stoning women for adultery, at least in this country.

colours she has employed come from the birds — beautiful pastel shades of blue, green, and pink. And the shapes, even though minimalist abstract, suggest fat squat biomorphic birds with the hint of a beak that take their cue from the much earlier work of New Zealand sculptor, Molly Macalister. These domestic sculptures, made of hand-blown glass, deliberately assume a modernist aesthetic, circa 1950 Moderne, which is underpinned by being placed on a thick round plinth of dark oak,

I mention this because currently running at Pilot Gallery (5 Ward Street) is

complete with Barbara Hepworth hole and displayed on Ikea shelving.

an exhibition entitled, Elements of Freethinking. The four artists involved

The notion of retro and revisiting the past is part homage, part

provide their own idiosyncratic take on the subject that variously express

challenge here, questioning a present that is consumed with a maniac

in comical or conceptual ways a visual image of free thought.

drive toward a future constantly and frantically being reborn. A touch

Artist, Lauren Winstone, approaches the matter from a dualistic perspective, redefining the notion of prototype. Constructing two near

Natalie Guy, the third artist in the show, does budgies. At least the

of irony is involved in that the 1950s itself was futurebound, relentlessly in the thrall of “making it new”.

identical objects, semi-abstract forms in stoneware, each differing in

Mark O’Donnell takes a comical look at the same process, devising a

small subtle ways. The question posed is, why does the prototype, a

“dreamboard” that depicts in conscious clumsy collage a series of

fully-fledged thing in its own right, not become more than merely the

alternative doorbells, advertising “personalised doorbell tone(s) for a

sample, model, the exemplar? The concept car, for example, is fully

‘creative’ orientated business”. Attached to the artwork is a bluetooth

operational but never becomes the real deal. Winstone challenges such

device that activates a sweet cheesy tune. Multiple levels of mockery

binary thinking in Derrida-like fashion.

involved.

N.11 / V.47

Auteur NEXUS MAGAZINE

Auteur House Presents... The Arbor

Whilst the testimony of those being interviewed has at least a subjective

Richard Swainson

kind of working class Greek chorus.

level of truth to it, the mode of presentation never lets the viewer forget that they are watching a highly stylised reconstruction. In other parts of the film, scenes from Dunbar’s plays are enacted on the very streets where she grew up, with members of the neighbourhood — some of whom would have known the playwright — watching on like a

Dunbar’s short life was tragic, blighted by poverty, alcoholism and physical violence. First pregnant at 15, she had three children by as many fathers and spent much of her adult life in refuge shelters for battered women. Auteur House recently acquired the debut feature of director Clio Barnard.

The Arbor teases out the connections between Andrea and her eldest child, Lorraine, who was fathered by a man of Asian extraction. Lorraine’s

The Arbor was recognised as a major breakthrough in British filmmaking

own decline into drug addiction and prostitution is a sorry enough story

Sight & Sound Magazine’s Top 10 list for 2010. It’s a documentary, but

in itself, still more so because she appears to make many of the same

one that deliberately sets out to subvert or foreground the codes and

mistakes as her mother yet, ironically, blames Andrea for neglecting her,

conventions of nonfiction cinema.

for loving less because of her ethnicity, and for dying so young.

Barnard examines the life and times of playwright Andrea Dunbar, a

For all its real strengths, bleakness threatens to overwhelm The Arbor. Such

teenage prodigy who lived most of her life on the run-down housing

humour there is comes courtesy of Dunbar’s dialogue, in the play portions

estates of Bradford, West Yorkshire. She uses footage from earlier

and brief clips from Rita, Sue, and Bob Too, a 1988 film which was adapted

documentaries as well as conducting new interviews with Dunbar’s

from two of Dunbar’s plays by the writer herself. Barnard’s carefully

friends and family. The audio tracks from the latter are then lip-synced

considered technique sometimes works against the warmth and common

by actors, resulting in scenes that have a type of hyper-reality in some

humanity of the people whose story she is trying to tell. It’s a mistake that

ways akin to a song and dance number within a musical.

Dunbar, whose writing was always autobiographical, never made.

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

THE COST OF STUDENTING Samantha Brill

Okay, so you’re used to clicking the “low to high” option when partaking in a little sneaky online shopping... and you spend most of your grocery money at Maccas on the change range… aaand when that drunk guy said stripping was a good idea, you kinda thought yeah why not. Ah, fret not; you are a student. Everyone comments about how students have it easy; no

to a shitty house, with a bunch of shitty people inside it who

parents, no rules, no cleaning. But why didn’t any of those

can’t keep all their shitty shit clean. Fab. Now, I live on Old

fucks mention no money? I’d like to buy a decent new bra

Farm (please don’t judge) and only have to pay $115 for my

this decade, thanks. Oh, and if I could walk through the

room including expenses. Whenever I tell people this, they

supermarket without clinging to my phone calculator, yeah

immediately exclaim how lucky I am. Uhm, what. That’s over

that’d be nice. You know what, if I could afford to waste

two lots of $50 A WEEK. That’s $16.50 A DAY. I’m telling you,

money on an actual calculator, that’d also be pretty sweet.

that’s 26 chicken kebab sandwiches from Cameron Rd dairy

The fact is, no matter how much we love our lives away from

(thank you phone calculator). I know cheap, I AM cheap,

home, being a student is hard. Not the nice kind of hard,

but rent is not cheap. Unfortunately though, my low rent is

where you eventually get rewarded for your suffering; it’s

considered a blessing.

that rough toilet paper, toothpaste compressing, lid-licking, no pizza-having kind of depression that makes me question my purpose in life.

Artwork: Johnny Ryan

First, we got dat rent due. There goes a fuckload of dollars

Throughout the country, rent prices can vary massively, with higher prices usually in city centres. The national average for a three bedroom house in New Zealand is $374 — that’s $124 for the room alone.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

The median rents throughout the country are as follows: Hamilton (Hillcrest) 3 bed $340, $113.40 per room Hamilton (Ham East) 3 bed $300, $100 per room Auckland Central East 3 bed $555, $185 per room Auckland Central West 3 bed $620, $206 per room Dunedin (University/Māori Hill) 3 bed $400, $133.40 per room Palmerston North (Massey/ Lincoln/Ashhurst) 3 bed $297, $99 per room Christchurch (Upper Riccarton/Sockburn) 3 bed $460, $153.40 per room Then, there’s the whole food thing. I’m not one to say how anyone else should eat, but if you’re dining at Maccas every second night because you’re broke as shit, something isn’t

The national average for a three bedroom house in New Zealand is $374 — that’s $124 for the room alone.

right. A Statistics New Zealand report, released March 2015, stated that food prices rose 0.1%, following a 0.7% drop in February and a 1.3% increase in January. Prices Manager at Statistics New Zealand, Chris Pike, afforded this to “less discounting on items such as biscuits, yoghurt, and sauces,” all things students love, “countered by lower prices for fruit and vegetables.” So all the things I’m not gonna spend my dough on are now cheaper, while my biscuits and sauces have risen? Uh-uh! Apparently, New Zealanders are also paying the highest prices for basics, like “milk, chicken, and eggs” — which is fucked. The Herald have estimated milk (which comes from

a student, and half the bloody time rude flatmates sneak themselves a nibble or 10 from your $9.00 cheese — wtf dude! Or the rude fucks will help themselves to a cereal bowl of your milk — omg thanks, looks like I won’t be having my morning coffees. Or you will budget to your last dollar, relying on bread-based meals till payday, only to find half ya loaf has run off! Halp, I’m poor!

the cows occupying 1.7 hectares of our backyard) to be more

But after all is said and done, I do have to admit, there are

expensive for us, at an average of $5.49 for 3 litres. The

those among us who are lucky enough to have an over-

average price for Australia, United Kingdom, Singapore, and

feeding mum to run home to. That magical place where the

South Africa is $4.76.

fridge is stocked up with not one, but two bottles of milk.

Too many of our basic products are costing us far more than

Where you have a choice of which spread to put on your

other countries. Our own Agribusiness professor, Jacqueline

toast, and where you don’t need to count ahead to make

Rowarth, mentioned that “Farmers get very little of what we

sure you have enough coffee heaps for the week.

are paying,” receiving on average only 34c out of every $7.50

The University experience is an adventure. Whether good or

Fonterra payout.

bad; doesn’t really matter. The fact remains that there is no

So bearing in mind food prices differ in each supermarket

other time in your life where it is acceptable to stumble over

across the country, here’s just a portion what an average

beer bottles from three weeks ago. Or eat suspicious meats

receipt would look like in New Zealand (Countdown):

because, at this point in the semester, you wish a salmonella

Mixed grain bread $3.50 Milk (1litre) $2.25 Eggs (6) $6.00

So much of the money you don’t even have is overspent as

fucken would. So go forth, meet new people who are just as broke as you, and cherish the time in which you are allowed to be a deadshot.

Butter (500g) $4.00

May your college memories last as long as your student loan

Cheese (1kg) $9.00

payments.

N.11 / V.47

NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

BUYING THINGS WITHOUT BEING A DOUCHE Casey Dunstan

In this crazy capitalist world of money and consumption, a big portion of our lives is spent buying things, so much so that it has come to define who we are. Spending money is inevitable but we do have some control over how we spend it. So what do we spend our hard-earned cash on? It seems

who looks to be just as asleep as you are. Here’s some astute

like our favourite addiction as students (besides alcohol) is

advice from a fellow daytime zombie: NoDoz caffeine tablets

coffee; we have four cafes on campus, which shows as much

are cheaper per hit than a coffee from Starbucks and you

as we might complain about the quality, plenty of us are

don’t have to sit through the taste.

buying it. Buying it lots, at least once every day and at four or five dollars a pop! With that much money, you could buy a pack of cigarettes, a tinnie, or maybe even a tab of acid each week, none of which will help you write your essay, but all of which will grant you the disapproval of the public.

So there’s you and there’s your darling coffee, but what about the barista? Whether you are a veteran addict or just a kid with no sharper ideas for a Tinder date (guilty), how you treat the underpaid, overworked staff at your local café speaks volumes about the sort of person you are. For your

I myself prefer a calming mug of English Breakfast, but

reference, here are some fundamental don’ts for buying

sometimes you just need that extra kick to get you through

your coffee, actually, here are some fundamental don’ts for

the “umms” and “ahhhs” of your Monday morning lecturer

buying anything.

N.11 / V.47

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

Juggling a conversation on the phone while also placing your order As much as I enjoy hearing one side of a conversation about Emma tripping herself at the Outback, I’d really prefer that you paid me so I can move onto the next person. Not mentioning details of your order and getting bothered when ask. I really can’t fathom how people expect me to guess that they want a tulip sized cup with soy milk, 2 sugars, 1 sweetener and a dash of cinnamon when all they say to me is “Flat white thanks”. Asking how I am You’re probably thinking “wow, this Casey guy is a cynical douche bag”. Don’t get me wrong, I love when a customer is genuinely curious about my well-being and nothing lightens up a work day more than some honest banter. What gets tiresome is when what follows is my reply being cut off midsentence, “Oh not bad, thanks for as...” “Yeah, I’ll have a latte to go”. If you ever ask a cute saleswoman how her day is going and she stares back at you blankly you have these people to blame. Telling me how to do my job If you receive your coffee and it is sour, bitter or otherwise inconsumable I will personally make you a new one because my job security relies on me being polite and hospitable.

...here are some fundamental don’ts for buying your coffee, actually, here are some fundamental don’ts for buying anything.

What is totally unnecessary is a big lecture about how you used to be a barista and you can tell when the grind is adjusted wrong. Pulling ponytails I don’t have a ponytail but if I did, I wouldn’t appreciate middle aged men touching it. As a rule, if John Key does it then it’s probably not the appropriate way to act. Working in the service industry is tough and can be pretty stress provoking at times which I think a lot of people don’t appreciate. Coming in and getting your coffee might be five minutes of your stressful time but to us impoverished service workers, it is an all day prison. Of course not all customers

the jobs that are hiring however, and not everyone can be picky with where they apply. It’s no surprise that so many service workers are university students; if I wasn’t studying before I started working I’d sure as hell have started now. Living on $14.25 over summer without guaranteed hours gave me a pretty clear idea of how I don’t want to spend my life, and while a bachelor degree probably won’t save me, it at least gives me some hope.

are terrible, a solid base of lovely regulars at my own work

For any readers who haven’t worked a service job, I actually

make the days go by quite pleasantly. To the middle-aged

highly recommend it! When I leave my own job one day to

woman who complimented me on my floral t-shirt, you hold

become a full-time academic (where else will I go) I might

a special place in my heart.

not do so with full pockets, but I will leave with a huge

Of course, the service sector is huge and has a whole host of other poorly paid jobs that involve dealing with rude people for minimum wage. The kind of jobs where

appreciation for the people who carry out tasks for rude people every day. I think a bit of kindness in our everyday interactions is important for perspective.

customers are “always right” and their money is power,

So next time you are having a crappy day and some idiot

basically anywhere that a parent will expect you to clean up

gets your coffee wrong, don’t freak out. They have probably

after their baby for them while they talk politics. They are

been up since 5am and have uni later that afternoon.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

$ $ $ $ $ $

$ $ $ $ $

$ $ $ $

The Relationship Destroyer 24

N.11 / V.47

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

MONEY: THE RELATIONSHIP DESTROYER Rebecca Pollard

If you’re in uni, odds are you aren’t making a tonne of money. Maybe you have a crappy part-time job, or maybe even a couple crappy part-time jobs that take up a lot of time and effort, resulting in just enough money for you to buy your weekly alcohol and cab home on a Saturday night. If that’s you, you’re part of the majority. I promise. Not having a lot of money not only sucks because it takes away

because if these expectations are not met, you’re left

your ability to have instant gratification, it also sucks because,

without enough to pay rent and probably super pissed off

if you’re not careful, it can end up ruining your relationships —

— ultimately damaging your relationship with that family

with your parents, your friends, even your significant other…

member.

being poor isn’t conducive to your social life.

Let’s get something straight: allowing money to sever family

Fortunately there are ways of avoiding these situations:

ties is beyond petty. Actually, it’s disgusting. I don’t care if

Parents If you’re one of the lucky ones, you have one, or maybe even two, supportive parents who are helping as best they can to get you through uni. Be this through money, gifts, mental

Artwork: AShleigh Matthews

support, or moral advice, be appreciative of what they have

your billionaire aunt only gave you $20 when you graduated from college, that’s her money and her decision, and your selfish ass should be thankful she even sent a damn card. And that’s all I have to say about that (Forest Gump reference — if you haven’t seen it you probably should).

to offer and don’t ask for more. If you have parents who are

Friends

paying your way through uni for you, I hope to God you’re

Okay, so all of your friends want to go out for the 3rd time

infinitely grateful. Graduating debt free is not common,

this week.

you’re incredibly lucky and you better not forget it.

Tuesday was Megan’s birthday, Thursday was Thursday and

On the other hand, don’t throw yourself a pity party if you

everyone has to go out on Thursday, but Saturday is just

have to take out loans. Most people have to do this; you’re not

Saturday and you don’t really have the funds to support

special in this sense. Your parents, grandparents, aunts, and

another night in town. If your friends aren’t understanding

uncles are not your trust fund or piggybank, and they owe

about this, they suck and it’s time to invest your energy

you absolutely nothing. Just because they were able to help

elsewhere. It’s always okay to miss a night out because you

you during your first year of Uni, don’t rely on them for your

need to have enough for bills. Beside that it’s really not good

second. It’s better not to expect anything from them at all

to go out three nights in a week and your body will thank you

Expectations that are tied to money can only lead to issues,

for sleeping instead of poisoning it further.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

But let me give you a different scenario: Your girls want you to come out but you really are just over Bar 101 so you say you’re too poor. Later that night some of your other friends invite you to go see Pitch Perfect 2 and $15 later you’re watching it on the big screen with a bag of popcorn. THAT IS NOT OKAY. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT use being poor as an excuse to not do one thing that costs money and then do something else that costs money. If you don’t want to go out because you’re tired of drinking, tell the truth. Because when you use that “I don’t have enough money” excuse and then spend your money elsewhere, it just looks like you were looking for a reason to ditch some of your friends to be with others, and this 100% will cause problems. There might be some protest from your friends if your response is an honest, “I don’t want to go out tonight,” but what good friends wouldn’t protest a little? Stand your ground and if they’re decent people they’ll back

No one wants to pay for your ride home, your sixth QF, or your onenight stand’s ride home...

off and send you some drunk texts later. On this same note, if you do decide to go out with your friends, carry your own damn weight when it comes to footing the bill. No one wants to pay for your ride home, your sixth QF, or your one-night stand’s ride home for that matter. Significant Other I’m a huge breakfast person. I mean I would literally eat pancakes, waffles, and French toast all day every day if it wouldn’t cut my life expectancy in half. So when I stay at someone’s house and wake up without breakfast, it’s kind of like starting my day with a tragedy. Anyway, my last boyfriend wasn’t big on breakfast. Fine, I can live with that. But I am. So when I woke up one day around 10 a.m and realised there was nothing but beer and chewing tobacco in his house, I asked if he would accompany me to a bagel shop for breakfast. He said no, that he didn’t have enough money. Let me be perfectly clear: I was not asking him to pay for me, only himself — and bagels are a dollar fifty at this particular café. To say I was annoyed is an understatement, but I hid it well because I knew he had little to no money in his bank account. Later that day he went to a dinner with all of his guy friends and got a milkshake and pancakes.

and drop you home by 7 p.m. Always be open to pay for yourself, or at least foot the bill sometimes if you’re in a long-term relationship. Expecting him to always pay for everything is ridiculous. But don’t turn into a sugar mama either. Go on cheap dates and find a good balance. Gentlemen, like many girls I know, I’m sexist in the dating world. I do want you to drive and pay, at least the first couple of times. I’ll come through in the long run, but if you ask me out on a date, I would like it if you would also at least offer to pay. Ladies AND Gentlemen DO NOT keep track of how much you’ve spent on someone. Don’t build up a tab in your head. If you’re not willing to pay, don’t. Paying for someone and then holding it over their head as if they owe you something is a fantastic way to ruin a relationship. Pay because you want to do something nice for the person you like, not because you’re waiting for them to pay you back in some other spectacular way.

No, we aren’t together anymore. Yes, this was a very big deal

What all of these situations boil down to is the simple golden

to me.

rule of don’t be a dick. Saving your money is of course better

If you don’t have enough money for dates that’s fine, but

than being in debt, but it’s always about balance. Try to

don’t expect your significant other to understand if you’re

remember that money won’t listen to your problems or offer

just making a preference of whom you’re spending your

you advice. It can’t be your best man at your wedding or

money with.

take your dog for a walk while you’re on vacation. People

Ladies, we’re now in the 21st century and a lot of us are

should always be more important to you than your pennies.

working hard to deconstruct gender stereotypes and roles;

If they’re not, your priorities are fucked, and I wish you all the

so don’t expect the guy to pick you up, pay for dinner out,

best with your lonely greedy life.

N.11 / V.47

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Your Space

High Tea: Hillcrest I enter and the scent of cherry blossoms fills the air. Paris greets me in a silk kimono and invites me to have high tea with her fellow flatmates, Queen Rebecca and Prince Mitch. Piano Concerto No. 21 by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart plays in the background, Paris state’s it’s “arguably his best work.” Nexus Communication Expert Alix arrives, she has gluten-free, vegan pastries. Paris states ,”You’re not a part of this story!” Alix leaves and I forget to remove this part of the story from the flat profile. King Lou Lou arrives, he leaves his fried chicken at the door as to not anger Paris, and swiftly finds his kimono to match hers. I ask whether they’re naked underneath their matching kimonos, to which they raise their eyebrows in a sort of “duh” fashion. King Lou Lou and Paris leave to butter their muffins. I am left with Queen Rebecca and Prince Mitch. We engage in awkward conversation about fine art, something I know relatively little about. After telling them who my parents are — non-royals — I am removed from the flat. Overall, I would give Paris’ flat a Chanel No.5 out of 5.

N.11 / V.47

Photography: Olivia Paris

Your Space NEXUS MAGAZINE

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

AUNTY SLUT

“I’M PRETTY AWESOME AT SEX, BUT I REMEMBER A GUY ONCE DESCRIBING ME AS “THE MOST BORING LAY” OF HIS LIFE.”

You’re Doing It Wrong Aunty Slut

When I’m having a good time, I’m pretty awesome at sex, but I remember a guy once describing me as “the most boring lay” of his life. This is the same genius who climbed on top of me, jackhammered away for two minutes, came, then fell asleep. Sorry bro, I’m not going to moan and groan just to appease your ego, and your girl shouldn’t have to either. If you want a lady who makes noise in the sheets, either pay a sex worker or fucking earn it.

Dear Aunty Slut,

The vagina that you pump away at hoping your girl is loving it

How can I introduce the idea of a third partner to my girlfriend?

has so few nerve endings that some vaginal surgeries can be

I love her and all that shit but the sex is getting boring.

performed without anaesthetic. But you know what does have

ThreesomeLover69

nerve endings? The clitoris. You think it feels nice when someone sucks on your cock? A clit has TWICE the number of nerve

N.11 / V.47

Dear Threesomelover69

endings. Very few women get off on penetration alone, so quit

Woah there cowboy, let’s back it up a little. Before you go

your jackhammering and focus on the part of the female anatomy

stampeding into a three-way, it might pay to figure out what it

that is specifically designed for pleasure! Not sure how? Get down

is that’s making the sex boring, because the way I see this ending

there with your tongue and find out (when she grabs your head so

does not work out well for you.

hard you think it’s going to pop off, you’ve nailed it).

If you want to have good sex, take a long hard look at yourself. I’m

I don’t understand how you can think that adding another human

going to go right ahead and assume that every time you have sex

into this mix is going to improve your sex life. The way I see it, you

with your girlfriend, no matter how ‘boring’ it is, you come — I’m

can either add in another woman and have two ladies you can’t

assuming this because pop culture positions us to thinking that’s

please, or you can add in another man, and watch your woman

how sex work... If you think that the sex is boring but you still get

get off in ways you’ve never bothered to try. Either way, you lose

off, imagine how your girlfriend must feel! Is she having any fun at

buddy. But start to actually please your current partner and you

all? Have you even bothered to ask?!

might just find the sex gets a bit more interesting.

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

THE SINGLE LIFE

“...IT WILL ALSO GROSS YOUR FLATMATES OUT WHEN YOU WALK AROUND IN A PJ SHIRT GARNISHED IN BROWN SMEARS.”

Cuddles! Emma Nygard

But back onto the much sought-after Cuddle Buddy. If you’re truly desperate for some strictly platonic, body to body contact, just hit up that guy that reliably likes your selfies or the guy that sends you “hey” at 2 a.m religiously. I can almost guarantee he will be down for some spooning and, contrary to popular belief, spooning doesn’t always lead to forking, trust me, I was very disappointed. Embracing my hot water bottle like I am constantly suffering

Keeping warm in winter usually means using an entire packet

menstrual cramps is sometimes not enough in the way of heat

of firelighters in an attempt to ignite a small flame, turning on a

and comfort. I did at one point download an app called Cuddlr, it

heater while your power-conscious flatmate stresses the fuck out,

was kind of just like Tinder only much creepier. Designed to help

or simply staying in bed all day like a lonely, blanket burrito (my

you find cuddles in your area, the app allows you to send cuddle

personal recommendation). However if you are of the lucky, non-

requests to people and, if accepted, the app would send directions

lonely variety, you may have your own human bed buddy to bathe

on how to get to your house. I’m unsure how many homicides it

you in their sweaty, warm goodness. Said cuddle buddy is a cheap,

would take to shut this app down, but clearly not enough have

eco-friendly, and social option for the cold winter months.

occurred because the app still exists in the darkest confines of the

So how do you go about getting one? As a girl whose most

app store. Download it and try your luck!

frequented bed visitor is a bar of chocolate — I have no idea. The

If the two faultless methods I have described still don’t work for

consolation advice I can offer you is: don’t eat chocolate in bed

you I have one final solution: make a status! An overly eager plea

because it will turn into the kind of sticky, melted mess nobody

for cuddles via Facebook just screams desperation and helps you

wants ingrained in their sheets. Similarly, it will also gross your

work out which friends you need to delete from social media.

flatmates out when you walk around in a PJ shirt garnished in

Seriously, don’t make a status.

brown smears. Saying it’s chocolate doesn’t help. Seriously, go to

Be lonely and be quiet about it.

the gym or something.

Lol, irony.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

SHE’S ABROAD

Tutorials Rule

At my home uni in New York, classes (papers) consist of only

Rebecca Pollard

So yes, most of the time there is the benefit that attendance

lectures, with an added lab if it’s a sciences lecture.

cannot be a factor because lectures are so large. But there are far more disadvantages to counter this one advantage. For example you never really get to know any of your professors unless you are “that kid” in class. You know, the one who sits in the front and answers every question. Sometimes the professor loves you for it, Everyone everywhere likes to complain about uni. All the work and

sometimes they hate you, and you know every other person in the

expenses, the boring readings, dry lectures, and long papers. In

class is judging you. This becomes a problem later on in your uni

this sense, American students are no different from New Zealand

career when you need letters of recommendation or an adviser for

students. However New Zealand students get something that

your thesis paper. It also sucks when you don’t know what’s going

American students don’t: tutorials.

on in class, because approaching a professor who doesn’t know

When I first arrived I did not have the slightest idea of what the

you at all is twice as intimidating as approaching one who does.

difference between a lecture and a tutorial was. I loathed the

Tutorials are where you get to know some of your peers you attend

process of signing up for tutorials; it seemed unorganised and

your lectures with. They allow you to figure out what’s actually going

involved too much chance for my liking. I still grumble about the

on in class. They give you a chance to discuss what you’re thinking

constant room changes, I haven’t gotten through a single day of

about the material — rather than just being funnelled information

uni here without checking what room I’m going to (I don’t get

about what other people think about the texts or lessons. You are

why one paper/class can’t just be assigned a single room for the

so lucky for that. To be at a university that actually cares about your

semester). However, despite my initial uncertainty and my constant

voice and is encouraging you to become an independent thinker is

grumbles over location, I am so grateful for tutorials.

ridiculously fortunate don’t take it for granted!

CONFESSIONS OF JAMES BRODIE

Body and Mind

doing that. Because many of my friends saw through my mask. I

James Brodie

And that year fell down very fast after that. I had to deal with

couldn’t fake the truth,

many things such as ongoing anxiety attacks, occasional anger fits, trying to learn new ropes in a world that was already hard enough to understand – and on top of that a man who helped raise me for 6 years passed away in October that year, and that was the hardest goodbye I ever had to say in my life. Normally I tend to try and be a cooler version of your mum and

All of the above pushed me to the edge. But thankfully, before

dad, but this week I’m going to be wearing a very serious hat. All

the edge fell from beneath me, my friends pulled me away and

jokes aside, this column will be very down to earth.

helped me to start dealing with my problems. They showed me

Mental health is something that every single one of us needs to consider. It’s quite often shoved into the corner as someone fakes

I checked myself into counselling and since then have been

life (pardon my language) is going to shit.

working hard to make myself a better man. I have many good

you don’t feel right in the head. In Year 9, I had a complete mental collapse where all the pieces fell down for many reasons. Some of them to this day I don’t really understand. But the hardest thing

N.11 / V.47

that’s when things got better.

a smile to make it seem as though all is well — but in reality their

I know how hard it is to have to carry on with things when mentally

many things and taught me that I didn’t have to walk alone. And

things in my life to keep me on track. I have riches that are not silver and gold (or plastic). Through my story I’ve learned to appreciate the little things and that when our time comes, the only thing that we will take with us is all that we can’t leave behind.

was to pretend it was OK and to get through the days where all I

So if you’re having a rough patch, hang in there. Life gets better.

wanted to do was hide from myself. And I was a complete idiot for

I promise.

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

ALC 101

“THEY’LL FURROW THEIR BROW AND SIP THEIR LOW CALORIE BEVERAGE WHILE SIGHING WOEFULLY ABOUT POVERTY.”

Lesson 11: Alcohol Fuelled Political Discussions

costs. Unless you feel like trolling — in that case, here are your

Drunk Professor

course reader and construct all of their knowledge from YouTube

prime targets: The ‘Devil’s Advocate’ This moron likes to disagree with any point made by anyone ever. They’ll converse primarily in clichés and draw on exaggerated stereotypes. Probably because they’ve never read anything from a and The Onion. If there’s a layer of beer-slime on the kitchen floor in the morning it’ll be from the Devil’s Advocate gesturing intensely while stating that Hitler did have some great ideas.

At a micro level, tertiary education plays a significant role in

The Empathetic Doormat

increasing the success of an individual within a modern capitalist

On the topic of social inequality this whisper of a human will

society. Generally speaking, the higher the education of an

whine again and again that “it’s just so horribly unfair”. They’ll

individual, the higher the income and better the quality of life. At

furrow their brow and sip their low calorie beverage while sighing

a macro level, increased rates of higher level education within a

woefully about poverty. Then they’ll start spewing in a bush coz

population correlates with a lower level of poverty.

they’re weak af.

The role of a university in modern society is not purely economic

The Accommodating Know-it-all

as there is an inherent exploration of social, cultural and political

This walking paradox always has the answer, but never an

factors in academic discourse. This is especially evident within the

opinion of their own. Somehow they’ll start a conversation with

Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences, and the Faculty of Education.

a stereotypically right wing statement, and end a twenty minute

However positive it may be for students to gain confidence in

‘discussion’ by arguing a left wing perspective as the conclusion to

discussing social and political issues, this increasing familiarity

their earlier statement. They care so much about accommodating

with intellectual content becomes negative when the exploration

your feelings and about being liked that they forgo any

of theoretical concepts is combined with heavy drinking and peers

independent thought in a bid for social validation (or they think

who hold opposing views.

you might fuck them just for agreeing with you).

The next time you’re at a house party keep your eye out for Drunk

In preparation for exams, next lesson Drunk Professor will weigh

Professor’s three forms of drunken academics and avoid at all

up the pros and cons of drunk study.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

A FASHIONABLE LIFESTYLE

“THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE COME IN TWOS: DENIM, SHOES… KIDNEYS.”

So Hot Right Now Jess Wilson

Free the Nipple #freethenipple is a trending movement for Western women that encourages the desexualisation of women’s nipples, it’s also very far down on my list of things I give a shit about. Fish Fish is high in omega-3 fatty acids, which apparently is good for

Male Feminists The unorthodox trend of men giving a shit about women is so hot

Mermaids

speak over women; the male feminist stands alongside women,

Next time someone asks what your background is, answer

allowing them to express how they feel rather than being told.

“mermaid”. Spawning from the deep web’s fascination with

A wonky mandala sends the message that you love order and

animals and women (I’ll leave you to think about that), being a mermaid is the biggest trend since Supre’s fabric shopping bags.

symmetry and that you’re spiritual — so much so that you even list

Watercolour Tattoos

it as a skill on your CV. Money is not important to you, but it should

Worn by people who want a tattoo that’s not too “tattooy”, people

have been when choosing a tattoo artist — their mothers kitchen

with watercolour tattoos have a much deeper and intellectual

isn’t an “alternative tattoo studio”, it’s where they make mac and

understanding of the world than the average Joe.

cheese and listen to thrash metal otherwise known as “music”.

N.11 / V.47

something nice, like cake or cider or hard drugs. Science.

right now. The male feminist is not to be mistaken for men who

Wonky Mandala Tattoos

you. Maybe we should just take the omega-3 out, and put it in

Large Brim Hats

Double Denim

The people have spoken: large brim hats are tres chic. Top tip: only

The best things in life come in twos: denim, shoes... kidneys. When

date people who wear large brim hats — the larger the brim, the

wearing a pair of blue jeans and a denim shirt, caution must be

more they care about their personal hygiene. Fedora? Probably

exercised in large groups as everyone will stare at you — in awe

doesn’t wash their face. Floppy sun hat? They shower after their

of course — and this may make you feel uncomfortable. Jealousy

baths. Truly, I should be telling you that cleanliness is trendy, but

is a terrible thing.

alas, I refuse to call this a passing trend. Soap to the people.

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

THE WEEKLY GRIND

“I’VE ALWAYS RELATED TO HORSE DICK ON SOME LEVEL SO I KNEW I WAS IN FOR A TREAT.”

DIY Pocket Pussy Resident Gay

rests on the dashboard with an extreme level of confidence I could only dream of experiencing. Although, I’ve noticed a slight mean streak in her personality lately as she now openly critiques me for “giving bad head.” If you too would like to experience luscious goo-filled silicone treats for your meats, I recommend a home remedy so you can

Due to my uncontrollable urge to wear women’s lingerie this week,

make your own pocket pussy on the cheap! Because $20 is far too

I decided to buy a pussy — of the pocket variety. Long renowned

much money to invest in any sexual partner, living or otherwise.

by 40 year old bronies, the pocket pussy is a My Little Pony fanatic’s best friend. I’ve always related to horse dick on some level so I knew I was in for a treat. I chose to purchase my Easy Beat Tenga Egg in person because what can compare to screaming “IT’S FOR A FRIEND” at a grinning salesman who doesn’t believe your lies. After giving him my number, I decided to rub my pocket pussy in other people’s faces with an impromptu street interview: “Excuse me David Bennett, do you know what this is?” “Isn’t that one of those stress ball thingys?”

My favourite recipe is dubbed Mrs. Pringles. You will need: • Pringles can, mostly empty • Cucumber, halved • Blue balloon of sentimental value, i.e. left over from your 13th birthday party • Kitchen scourer, preferably with fragments of lasagne crust throughout • Duct tape, not duck tapes • And most importantly you MUST have an unwavering support/ satanic inclination for the reign of John Key.

“Yes David. Yes it is.”

This is a self-directed recipe so be creative!

I took my artificial love hole back to my car and locked myself

Hint: Use the duct tape and balloon to secure the cucumber half

away for just over 30 seconds. This is all the time it took to give

inside of the Pringles can, then proceed to scour your capitalist

Cynthia, my beheaded doll bestie, a new rubber beanie. She now

mind frame until it is clean of corruption.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Cooking for Students

Thai Pumpkin Soup Zac Lyon

300 ml of coconut cream 1 Tbs fish sauce Handful of coriander, roughly chopped. 1 tsp red curry paste Zest of 1 lemon salt and pepper

You know winter is approaching when you wake in the morning and have to double check whether your nose has not frozen off. Seriously, it has been known to happen — I checked on Wikipedia. When you’re walking home from a late afternoon lecture, and you need a

1. Cut and peel pumpkin into 3 cm chunks and throw with carrots into a pot of boiling water. Cook until soft (15 mins). 2. Fry onion and garlic with a drizzle of oil, add in curry paste once onions

torch to walk through creepy Clyde park, winter is coming. In all seriousness,

have softened. Add in cooked pumpkin and carrots, along with stock,

try walk home in well-lit areas — yetis have been known to frequent Hamilton

coconut cream, fish sauce, and lemon zest.

due to its similar climate to Tibet. So when you have arrived home, having dodged yetis, frostbite, and a creepy looking dude, you want something that’s quick and easy to throw together, tastes great and warms not just the body, but the soul. Enter pumpy soup or for those not up with the lingo, pumpkin soup. This recipe has a Thai twist, and with its red curry paste, it’ll clear out the nasal passages. Ingredients 2 kg pumpkin, skinned and cubed 1 large onion, finely diced 1-2 large carrots

Method

3. Continue simmering this bad boy for another 15 mins. Taste and season if it needs it. 4. If ya are a manly man and want a chunky soup, serve as is. If you are like me and like the consistency of baby food, blitz the soup in batches until smooth. You may need to add some extra water to loosen the soup to your liking. 5. Before serving, stir in coriander. Serve with a nice slice of thick white loaf or for the real poor students, multigrain toast bread is where it’s at. 6. Curl up under a blanket and watch a summery movie to warm you up. My

3-4 cloves of garlic, finely chopped

picks are Castaway, Little Miss Sunshine, Surf’s Up, The Bay, and The Way

1000 ml of chicken or vegetable stock

Way Back.

N.11 / V.47

Blind Date NEXUS MAGAZINE

Brought to you by The Bank and 97.8 The Edge. Each week Nexus attempts to make a love/sexual connection. if you’re keen for a date on us, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Her favourite movie is Fight Club, his is Inception. She wants a boy with a good sense of humour, he wants a girl with a good “sence” of humour. He doesn’t read but wants a girl that’s intelligent — good because she reads. His favourite position is cowgirl and she doesn’t like close-mindedness. We put these two singletons together for their first date, where they stated there’d be no sex. Check out our Twitter for the live tweet @nexusmag #gamechanger.

To start the evening off, I was 10 minutes late due to a

It’s 7pm. I’m in the Bank sitting with me, myself, and my

last minute revelation that I wanted to pre-drink before

beer. Having already been offered shots by the waiters,

throwing myself off the deep end of this uncomfortable

I couldn’t help but sense that these blind dates have

social situation.

gone distressingly well in the past.

I arrived and we made our nervous introductions. He was a

At last, she arrives! I’m greeted by an attractive young

nice guy, but a third year and I think my fresher status shot

lady with blonde hair and a pretty smile. She’s cute. She

down any chances of a budding romance. Regardless, we

apologised profusely for being so late, and we somehow

continued on with pleasant small talk (similar to how

get into a 10 minute convo about her and her experience

I mingle with my parent’s friends at dinner parties) and

with iPhones, ahaha wut. Soo whitegurl.

The Lady’s Experience

kept drinking, making the most of the bar tab.

The Gentleman’s Experience

Having both pre-scouted the menu, we both knew what

After being informed that we were being live tweeted,

we wanted to order.. and drink. She’s vegetarian and

we did a little detective work to suss out our stalkers. It

got the margarita pizza, I had the chicken burger but

was all fun and games looking at the Twitter feed on my

none of you really give a toss about what we eat. She

phone until a Tinder message from George popped up,

actually munched back the whole pizza and won the

and the illusion of me having any dignity and/or self-

eating contest.

respect was shattered.

50 bux left on our tab and we shook on it, drinks till the

By 10 we were the last people in The Bank apart from

death end. She begins by ordering a long island iced

staff and a middleaged couple that had fallen asleep

tea. I match it.

on the couch, so we hit the harder liquor to get rid of our tab balance. The bartender must have noticed we looked a little uncomfortable, and offered us a deal on some shots which we quickly accepted.

I thoroughly enjoyed the evening. We’re already official Facebook friends so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious. We finished up, took a few selfies, hugged and departed ways. It was a pleasant night and

When we were all done, we got a photo together and

the date ran smoothly. We had quite a bit in common

added each other on Facebook to have a memory of

but we still had our difference. Don’t know if there’ll be

our blind date experience. All in all not a bad evening,

a second date but hey, it could happen.

thanks to the Nexus team for the night!

NEXUS MAGAZINE CARE

WAIKATO STUDENTS’ UNION

CLUBS

Hillary Scholars

ADVOCACY

Moving On Sarah & Pricsilla

What is the purpose of your club?

Your lease has come to an end, the landlord has kicked you out, or you’ve just

The Hillary Scholars Club (HS Club) is a non profit organisation consisting of

found out that your weird flatmate pees in a bottle so he doesn’t have to leave his

current Sir Edmund Hillary Scholars. The club work alongside the Himalayan

World of Warcraft game.

Trust — Sir Ed’s Trust fund that aids and develops in education systems and health care in the Nepalese community.

Whatever the reason, moving out can put a lot of stress on you, and often it’s not easy to find somewhere else to go. With this in mind, we have put together a list

The Hillary scholars fundraise throughout the university year running events

of short term options to consider. We want to make sure that you stay safe, and

such as bake sales, sausage sizzles, musical performances, film screenings

are in a good space, so keep the following options in mind — they might be just

and multiple other events and our proceeds are directly deposited to

what you need.

support the Himalayan trust in their efforts. If your club could achieve three things year, what would they be: • To raise more money than has ever been raised for the Himalayan trust — so that we can provide as much help and relief to our friends in Nepal. • To support and nurture current Hillary Scholars through their university journey and help them develop their leadership and excel in their

Apartments All across Hamilton, including Hamilton East, there are a large number of one bedroom, fully furnished apartments. These are new, clean, quite stylish, and the weekly payment includes internet, power and carparks. Best part – they’re totally accepting of short term residents. While not cheap at an average of $200 per week, it’s a good transition option. Backpackers

discipline • To develop the HS club legacy and continue sir Ed’s legacy for many years to come

Varying in price and quality, it’s worth checking out some backpackers. Naked offers a competitive accommodation service, with beds starting at $15 a night. YHA, Eagle’s Nest, and Backpacker Central also offer cheap dorm rooms.

What kind of people are you looking for or currently have in your club? Unfortunately our club is only open to sir Edmund Hillary scholars due to it’s nature.

Flatting An online search for “short term roommates wanted” turns up numerous results — there are tonnes of people looking to fill a spare room in their flat. Furthermore,

Describe the highlight 2015 event of your club: We actually have two highlight events this year — the first being our ten

who knows, your short term stay might result in some great friendships and a new, more permanent flat! TradeMe, and EasyRoomate are good places to start looking.

year sir Edmund Hillary scholar anniversary — where we conducted some

Couch Surfing

fundraising events for Nepal.

Hit up your friends, and offer to contribute to utilities for the week in exchange for

Our second major event is this coming Wednesday (27th may) where we are hosting a bake sale to fundraise for Nepal as part of the #waikato4nepal fundraising initiative. We will be in the village green square from 10am-2pm

a spot on their sofa. Alternatively, check out couchsurfing.com. While usually used by tourists, this website helps you to find people who are willing to let you crash on their couch cheaply for a night or two.

and would love to see many students and staff down there!

Advocacy

Where can we find you?

accommodation situation requires urgent attention, or the other options have not

We have a Facebook page — the Sir Edmund Hillary scholarship program

yeilded results, then hop online to wsu.org.nz and make an appointment with one

and we also have a university page

of our advocates — we’re here to help.

We’re putting these links up on the WSU website, so be sure to check it out. If your

N.11 / V.47

CARE NEXUS MAGAZINE

REPRESENTATION

Use Your Voice

up and say we want more, we demand more from our politicians and if they don’t

Shannon Stewart

Of course there are those that are attempting to appeal to the “student voice”

give it to us then it will be like a scene from Les Mis.

by using memes, smilies and “hump days”. I don’t know about you but if I see one more facebook status calling us “peeps” I am done with Facebook. Check out For most of us “The Voice” is a reality television show that is only slightly better

Victoria or Auckland’s pages, put in some cool throwback stuff about how the Uni

than the train-wreck that is X Factor New Zealand.

used to be and keep me informed. Don’t just show me a clip of a dog to increase

This week I have been thinking a lot about the voice. Particularly the student voice,

your engagement because I have a law degree and I am not a five year old.

the legitimate and substantive tool that if we are being honest we don’t ever really

Finally this week we are helping our Nepalese students and our Hillary Scholars

use properly. Our voice is something we take for granted and we don’t even really

fundraise in something we are calling #Waikato4Nepal. Our voices are at their

notice we are doing it until we see others use it well, someone misusing it or when

best when we are doing something with them. When we are standing up for

it’s taken away from us entirely.

those who can’t speak and when we are confronting human loss and unspeakable

There has already been a some discussion about the WSU by-elections and that seems like a good use for our voices. To stand up and say what we think, to vote

tragedy with warmth and compassion. Make sure you get involved in our event on Wednesday from 10am-2pm on the Green.

for those that reflect our values and to just participate. Part of the reason the

We’ll be moving into our consultation period soon and there will be heaps going

budget did nothing for us as students this year is because we didn’t stand up as

on so make sure you let us know what you think and want to see so that we can

one and say that we don’t care who the government is, we are the next generation

make sure we capture your student voice with our opportunities and services.

of taxpayers and the ones who will make the major decisions. We need to stand EXPERIENCE

NEXUS MAGAZINE Puzzles

SUDOKU

6 6

3 4

3 9

9 9

9 2

1 6

EASY

7 3

MEDIUM

HARD

CODEWORDS

SLITHERLINK

Each letter in the puzzle is represented by a number 1 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 26. Crack the code to solve it.

Join the dots to create a single continuous

22 1

22 6

22 25

9 17

13 5

13 20

13 6

11 23

1 1

9 9

22 4

20 21

6 6

19 3

25 7

loop. The numbers indicate how many lines

TRIVIAL

Which S is a large dung beetle, regarded as

13 22

5 9

22 23

must surround each number and the loop must never cross itself.

2 3

2 1 0 2

sacred in Ancient Egypt? The mackerel is extremely high in vitamin

13 1

6 1

22 3

20 24

9 22

B12 and also high in what class of fatty acid? Bolivia gained independence in 1825 â&#x20AC;&#x201D; from which European country ?

WORD TWIST

Y W A

N.10 / V.47

How many words can you make from these letters? The letters must touch horizontally, vertically or diagonally and cannot be used more than once in a word.

Puzzles NEXUS MAGAZINE

CROSSWORD

KAKURO

Solve the clues and fill in the words.

Fill all of the blank squares in the grid using only the

numbers 1 – 9 so the numbers entered add up to the corresponding clue. You cannot use the same number

15 12

7 25

6 16

16 3

54 58

32 9

46 51

21 17

27 32

more than once in a run (eg. 7, 1, 1).

SIMPLE PUZZLES FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE Face to de-face: Our Deputy Editor, Jules Craft. Snapchat nexusmag your work of art.

Across

45. One of the five W’s (3)

13. Gabs (4)

1. Consequently (4)

46. Delicate (4)

21. Burden (4)

5. Wolfe’s friend, Lon, at the

47. Wolfe’s right hand man (7)

23. Country bumpkin (4)

NY Gazette (5)

51. Undisturbed (6)

25. Coward of note (4)

10. Hurting (4)

54. Distinctive atmosphere (4)

26. Brace (5)

14. Golf target (4)

55. Plastic ___ Band (3)

28. Printing flourish (5)

15. Andean animal (5)

56. Campus V.I.P. (4)

29. Ancient Andean (4)

16. “Guilty,” e.g. (4)

57. Molten flows (5)

30. Warm, so to speak (4)

17. Condo division (4)

59. Talk up (4)

31. Lowly worker (4)

18. Disgrace (5)

60. Yearn (4)

32. ___-friendly (4)

19. Caper (4)

61. Beyond’s partner (5)

33. Change (4)

20. Bon ___ (3)

62. “___ #1!” (4)

34. Radiate (4)

21. Above (4)

63. Aims (4)

35. Silly (5)

22. Wears away (6)

64. Archie’s friend Lily (5)

38. Having sharp points (8)

24. Wolfe’s chef (7)

65. Assayers’ stuff (4)

39. Not barefoot (4)

26. Urban blight (4)

41. Bed board (4)

27. “___ Gang” (3)

Down

42. “Hold it right there!” (4)

28. Assistant to Inspector

1. “Under My ___” (5)

44. Sticks (6)

Cramer in Wolfe stories (8)

2. Kind of roll (5)

45. Go downhill (6)

32. Impulses (5)

3. A-list (5)

47. Exotic jelly flavor (5)

35. Sixth day Christmas gift (5)

4. After expenses (3)

48. Suitor (5)

36. Born as (3)

5. Shamrock (6)

49. Accustom (5)

37. Unload, as stock (4)

6. On in years (5)

50. Jottings (5)

38. Tender spots (5)

7. “Aquarius” musical (4)

51. Doing nothing (4)

39. Lasting effect (4)

8. Australian runner (3)

52. Broadway brightener (4)

40. Tokyo, once (3)

9. How some shall remain (3)

53. Hourglass contents (4)

41. Go bad (5)

10. Cool (6)

54. Acknowledge (4)

42. Pier (5)

11. Attired (4)

58. Blood-typing letters (3)

43. Police lieutenant in

12. “Catch!” (4)

59. Couple (3)

Wolfe stories (8) 41