Nexus 2019 Issue 1 by Nexus Magazine

A PUNCH IN THE FACE WITH A FISTFUL OF FLAVOUR

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GROW THE FUCK UP

CONTENTS

NEXUS MAKES BANK

Editorial

Reviews

FOMO

Grow the Fuck up

Are You Down With the I.T.P.?

Valid

whelmed.

O'week 2019

Easy News

Full Exposure:

Reo Tauira

Entertainment

Horoscopes

Halls VS Home

Procrastination Station

University Bucket List

Snapped

Underemployed

Blind Date

Fit to Fuck

Oh, The People You'll Meet

Nexus Makes Bank

Strangely Arousing

Grace Mitchell Nexus Editor editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Jared Ipsen jared@nexusmag.co.nz

Luka Love luka@nexusmag.co.nz

Kim Sare Deputy Editor kim@nexusmag.co.nz

Bradley Gielen bradley@nexusmag.co.nz

Mayyah Gordon

Ashlea Curran Designer design@nexusmag.co.nz

Brittany Rose brittany@nexusmag.co.nz

Makayla Wallace - Tidd makayla@nexusmag.co.nz

Todd Harper News Editor todd@nexusmag.co.nz

Luane Lennox luane@nexusmag.co.nz

Nathan Rahui president@wsu.org.nz

sumayyah@nexusmag.co.nz

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 1.0

EDITORIAL Oh Wow, 2019 is Brand Spankin’ and Shiny New Grace Mitchell Nexus Editor editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Congratulations are in order: if you can read this, you've survived O-week and still have enough brain cells left to perform basic functions. Now, welcome to your first (or second? Third? Tenth?) year at the glorious Waikato University. If you’ve never picked up a Nexus before, we’re a weekly magazine created by students, for students, which explains the lack of censorship and large amount of profanities that go to print; and no, you’re not stealing, I assure you Nexus is free for public consumption. Aside from talking absolute bollocks, we’re also here to keep you informed on student-centric news and offer advice throughout the year plucked from the dustiest corners of our brain on any multitude of issues, ranging from how to manage a tight budget to how to clean vomit stains from the lounge carpet (you’re welcome, in advance). So good luck for the start of classes, kids. We’ll be mourning what was truly an epic summer break, but as they say, you have to do the mahi to get the treats. Work hard, play hard, and make the most of the first precious week or two before you’re hit with ten assignments at once x 5

Omg that hot guy from the club is here

the sevens are going offf

FOMO!!!

girl you are missing out

wish u were here!!

just won $50 on the pokies

FOMO

27 FEB

Paint and Wine Night: Bob Rossâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Snowy Mountains Paintvine 7-9pm Paintbrush in one hand, and get a free drink (included in the $45 admission) in the other at The Roaming Giant. Express Yourself!

28 FEB

Black Caps v Bangladesh Experience a slice of a kiwi summer by watching the first day of the Blackcaps v Bangladesh at Seddon Park, 11am-6pm. Tickets available from Ticketek.

1 MAR

Netsky The Factory at 6pm for a night of excitement and energy. Belgian DJ Netsky will be debuting his Palm Trees Power Lines world tour in NZ. Tickets $59 from Eventbrite, R18.

2 MAR

Ben Hurleyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 22 Rants about F*uck 8.30-10.10 pm Hosted at the Pacific Crystal Palace, tickets $40, available through Ticketek, R16. Ben Hurley will take the stage showing off both art forms, comedy and punk rock.

ARE YOU DOWN WITH THE I.T.P.?

Minister of Education Chris Hipkins has recently announced the government's plans to merge I.T.Ps (institutes of technology and polytechnics) in a bold, but speculated move. A national group called NZ Institute of Skills and Technology will take over the administration and development of all 16 Polytechs around the country. Around 110,000 polytechnic students and 140,000 apprentices will be affected by this change.

Understand the changes made to I.T.Ps and how it affects your education

It is hoped this change will reverse an impending dilemma, with polytechs suffering a 19 percent drop in domestic enrolments between 2010 and 2017.

Todd Harper News Editor todd@nexusmag.co.nz

Hipkins has stated that each region would have a ‘regional leadership committee’ to advise the institute's national office and Tertiary Education Commission on local skills needs. “However, a number of activities would be centralised at the national office or at one of a few regional campuses."

Wintec Campus Hamilton 8

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 1.0

“However, the Government should be cautious of who sits at the decision-making table. We need proper student and staff representation and consultation, and strong iwi representation and consultation (aligning with our treaty responsibilities),” said Ranstead. The University of Waikato Vice-Chancellor, Neil Quigley, says the effect on the University of Waikato and its students is unlikely to be large. However one area of potential concern is the co-operative arrangements with organisations such as Toi Ohomai, which have been to the benefit of students.

Chris Hipkins - Minister of Education

“A national governing council appointed by the minister would agree on long-term capital and operational strategies, oversee capital asset management and set and oversee operational budgets,” said Hipkins. Officials within the Ministry of Education and outside experts have warned against the merger. According to some, the ‘mega-polytech’ would provide big financial savings. However, the potential uncertainty that the merger brings outweighs the small financial benefits. The official report discussed the potential risks if the national governing body got decisions wrong, along with the potential long-term negative consequences that would have on I.T.Ps as a whole. “It’s a single point of failure”, warned the Ministry of Education. Both the Ministry and the Tertiary Education Commission prefer the option that doesn’t quite merge the ITP’s fully, but sees a centralisation of many jobs and functions. This would allow for more streamlining of processes and a faster turnaround of tasks. James Ranstead, the National President of the New Zealand Union of Students' Associations, says the merge will be a positive move overall in the long term, with a National Institute of Skills and Technology that is a lot more responsive to industry needs. “This institute will also be a lot more adaptable and resilient to changes in student numbers, and ultimately better set up to serve the wants and needs of Aotearoa New Zealand’s community, as polytechs were originally set up to do."

“The ability to preserve those pathways and cooperative arrangements will be something that we raise during the consultation process." “There is a huge challenge associated with bringing together a large number of I.T.Ps and ITOs into a single organisation based in Wellington, but with campuses all over the country. The merger process will likely take several years, and be disruptive to a lot of I.T.P and I.T.O staff." “The structure proposed by the Minister will address the problems created by competition between the I.T.Ps and I.T.Os in New Zealand, and thus has the potential to create a better planned and coordinated delivery of vocational education, particularly outside the main centres. However, the Minister does not appear to have addressed the other competitive problem in the system created by I.T.Ps offering degrees at the same funding rates as Universities receive, but without the requirement for research activity that University staff face,” said Quigley. Shane Vugler, University of Waikato coordinator for the Tertiary Education Union, says ultimately the TEU is in support of the proposed changes to the I.T.P’s structure. “We are ultimately supportive of the national merger of polytechs in New Zealand (NZ Institute of Skills and Technology), it is going to deliver a more focused course and programme development that will get rid of the ‘competitive market’ of providers." “This should hopefully have some good flow on effects into the university sector. In some cases, universities and Polytechs are competing for students which the TEU don’t agree with. This can lead to a drop in the standard of education and international rankings in some cases,” says Vugler. " 9

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HAMILTON

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NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 1.0

whelmed. under

Jared Ipsen jared@nexusmag.co.nz

Coping strategies Life is fucking hard. Having no money, the grim state of the environment, the fact that no matter how hard you try you’ll never be as cool as Chlöe Swarbrick there are countless things in today’s world that can get you down and endless misinformation about what can get you up. “Self care” is now an $11 billion dollar industry full of bullshit like essential oils and bath bombs full of non-biodegradable glitter, designed to make money off your depression. Here’s a couple of non-bullshit things that make me feel less shit:

Get the fuck out of bed. If you’re not sleeping, bed is your enemy. Isolating yourself in a room with your thoughts and your phone is the worst thing you can do - it can actually make you more tired and mess up your sleeping patterns. Do some exercise. Exercise sucks balls, but the shittiest thing about it is that it actually helps, so you should probably just do some. Even walking around the block can do more good than you realise. Apparently, physical activity releases endorphins or some shit, but all I know is that after I go for a jog I feel 90% less likely to want to punch someone in the face. Lastly, I think that everyone should go to therapy, even if you don’t think anything is wrong with you (especially if you don’t think anything is wrong with you). It can be expensive, but if you make under $648.92 a week, WINZ will pay for it, so there’s really no excuse not to go. Counselling has been the single biggest thing that’s helped me - talking to somebody who knows about how the brain works and is detached from your situation works wonders, and they have to listen to you, cos you’re paying them to.

feel good news A black Leopard has been spotted in Africa for the first time in 100 years and a tiger was spotted in the state of Gujarat, India for the first time in nearly 30 years. A Brazilian man is turning abandoned tires into adorable beds for stray animals. Check them out at @caohminhas_pets2 A range of kitchenware specifically for the safety of the visually impaired has been invented by Kevin Chiam from Singapore (Folks Kitchenware for the Blind).

A cure for the Human Papilloma Virus has been found by a Mexican scientist using photodynamic therapy. NASA satellites show that there are more trees on the Earth than 20 years ago thanks to planting efforts by China and India, indicating that human influence may well turn the tide on climate change. A hockey player in North Carolina was revived from cardiac arrest on the ice by a doctor on his team.

$20

billion (NZD) demanded by President Donald Trump for his Mexican border wall.

million spent by the NZ Government on predator control to limit 1080 use.

for a dozen roses in Parnell on Valentines Day.

new couples matched at the altar in the season 6 of Married at First Sight Australia.

of Cannabis users in NZ use the drug weekly.

$195

34%

8.3

EASY NEWS

NEWS IN NUMBERS

years since bachelor Art Green and Matilda Rice met on the Bachelor NZ.

years Tekashi 6ix9ine faces in prison for racketeering and firearms offences

New Zealanders that list National Leader Simon 5% ofBridges as their preferred Prime Minister

12 80m

basketball teams in the new NBA League in Africa.

wingspan of the discontinued A380 airbus

QUOTES “When you’re 75, habits are pretty ingrained” Rolling Stone Keith Richards reveals he’s struggling to give up smoking “The trouble with my brother Andrew is that he wants to be me” Prince Charles, as reported by a Channel 5 documentary, The Queen’s Children "I'm going to ask for a DNA test. They must have swapped him on the plane [when he joined from the Hurricanes last year]. If I were him I would apologise and go back to my home country," Toulon owner Mourad Boudjellal on former All Black Julian Savea "I agree, it goes against natural instincts. But the best way to make access harder, to stop kids from using cannabis when their brains are still developing, is to legalise it." TVNZ’s Jack Tame on Marijuana reform "I could do the wall over a longer period of time. I didn't need to do this. But I'd rather do it much faster." Donald Trump, not understanding the word 'emergency' as he declares one 12

WATER SAFETY

To the casual reader of the New Zealand Herald it would seem like the biggest problem on our beaches in 2019 was loudmouthed Irish Tourists. However, anyone who has been around Waikato University in the last few years knows that water safety, particularly among International Students, is a real issue. This is a sentiment echoed by Water Safety CEO Jonty Mills, who said, “many visitors to New Zealand have had little or no instruction in swimming and water safety in their home country. While our beaches, lakes, and rivers look inviting, our water is cold and many of our aquatic environments are high risk.” This has led the University of Waikato to do something about it, with a year-long focus on International Students water safety. “The safety of our international students is everything to us, this programme has been something we’ve wanted to implement for a while and will go a long way to making our international cohort safer while in New Zealand” said University of Waikato International Student Services Manager Huy Vu. The programme is open to all international students. To get involved, get in touch with Bianca Nichol our International Student Advisor by email bianca.nichol@waikato.ac.nz.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 1.0

VOXED Are you a strong swimmer? No, I don't swim at all. What is your favourite beach hot spot? Muriwai and the Mount.

Ben, 22 Are you a strong swimmer? So, so.

Sandeep, 33

Do you know how to identify and safely get out of a rip? I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know what a rip is, I would be panicking. Would you be keen to be part of a water safety programme if it was offered to all students? Yes definitely, especially for non-swimmers and people from in-land countries.

What is your favourite beach hot spot? I've never been to a beach in New Zealand. Do you know how to identify and safely get out of a rip? I don't know what a rip is.

Are you a strong swimmer? No, not at all.

Would you be keen to be part of a water safety programme if it was offered to all students? Yes.

What is your favourite beach hot spot? I've only been to Raglan.

Sanjana, 23

Do you know how to identify and safely get out of a rip? If I did go in the water, I would go with a life tube or something, and I would try to swim backwards but Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not sure if I would get out. Would you be keen to be part of a water safety programme if it was offered to all students? Definitely yes, it would be very helpful.

NEXUS NOTES - Rips A rip is a strong surface current that moves directly out from the shore. They can be spotted in large patches of calm water among the waves at the beach. If you do get caught in one, try to stay calm and let it take you out to its end, and then swim around it and back into shore. If you do feel confident enough in the water, you can swim sideways to get out of one. Best of all, try to avoid getting caught by swimming between the flags placed on the beach by our Surf Lifesavers, or go to areas of waves that produce the most foam. 13

REO TAUIRA GET EXCITED WORD FROM THE PRESIDENT Congratulations! You’ve finally made the choice to leave the comfort of your parents and arrive at Waikato. Or, if you’re like me, then you were told by your parents to ‘hurry up and go to university’. Before you got here, you’d probably heard rumours of the countless STDs you’ll catch from a grubby one night stand! I’m here to tell you that it’s not true. Well it might be, but don’t worry, you’re safe and you’re going to have a great time!

Clubs day 2019 is here on Wednesday. If you are new then all you need to know is the WSU runs a network of over 85 clubs and ropu Maori. Most, if not all, are free to join so come and check them out.

However, before I even go any further, I’m going to give you all a quick lesson that most of your lecturers still need to even learn: how to say the name of our University. You are not at “why-cat-oh” Uni, you are at Waikato (why-car-tore). Let’s continue.

Clubs day 27th Feb 9am - 2pm First Clubs Mixer 6th March, 5 pm Affiliation due March 20th

Our University may not be the biggest in the country but that doesn’t stop us from having a good time. There’s always some cool shit going on around campus and the nightlife isn’t too bad either; you’ll probably find me cutting shapes in the Hood or absolutely killing it at Billy’s. To all the first year students reading this, I say make the most of this experience: live it up, actually-go-to-class it up, and dance it up in Bar 101 - you’re going to hate it very soon. To the students like myself who have been around the block, then enjoy your last bit of time here. It might be a struggle at times, but ‘adulthood’ is just around the corner and you will no longer be able to skip a work day to watch Netflix. Cheers to 2019.

KEY DATES TIKANGA TIP Korerotia te reo.

Everybody loves a trier. If you are new to this country or just feel like branching out, try adding te reo words and phrases into conversation. The worst thing that could happen is someone corrects your pronunciation. Ka taea e koe! Karawhiua.

TOP 10

We’re well used to the proverbial O-week themes. Here’s a few fresh suggestions for the Outback to butcher for the next 10 years. Fresh off the farm - embrace Waikato culture for what it really is: a place full of cows, grass and cow shit.

DIMINUTIVE POST Halls Student Confirms That Halls Food “Not as Good as Mums.”

David Bain party - don an ugly sweater and deliver newspapers on the way.

“Yeah nah it’s a bit gross aye.” Josh, 18, breaks ground with his announcement that the food in Bryant Hall is just not of the same calibre as a home cooked meal from mum.

Construction night - outsiders won’t be able to tell whether we’re redoing the intersections or a if massive gay bar exploded onto the street.

Hogan Street Announced as “The Place To Be!”

Extreme BDSM - fill the streets with dominatrix costumes, handcuffs, whips, chains, and Christian Grey wannabes (only poorer, less attractive versions). White trash - offering Hamilton bogans an excuse to trim themselves a mullet. Bathing suits & cowboy boots release all inhibitions you slutty, fucked up cowboys. PJs - more for convenience than anything; because by night #5, you just can’t be fucked. Crossdress party - a night dedicated to confusing an entire city on the concept of gender identity. Morphsuits - tired of your shitty looks being held back from pulling? Even the playing field; judge your lover for the night purely by the vague appearance of their body outline. Waikato draught - no exception, everybody has to dress up as a bottle of the amber gold. It’ll be a show of patriotism like none before.

Second years in their first flat have declared via Facebook post that their flat will be “going off” every weekend this year, after overwhelming flat consensus that landlord is “pretty chill tbh.”

Naive Young Man Convinced that Connecting with Lecturers on LinkedIn is Best Way to Climb Corporate Ladder. Third year management student Chris, who has been wearing a suit to all lectures since B Semester in 2017, spotted surfing LinkedIn during lectures to find the best person to give him a job after graduating.

ARTS101 Student Overheard Complaining about Weekly Horoscope Prediction “They said I’m stubborn but I’m a Leo, not a Taurus!” Caitlin, 17, reported feeling “unfairly represented” by her weekly prediction, as it doesn’t fit her desired personal characteristics.

WHATS HOT WHATS NOT

CRUSH OF THE WEEK

The Hillcrest Tavern

AUX

FIRST WEEK FEELS

from a pump bottle

. WSU’s goody bags . The weather lately . David Bennett in a suit . Free sausages on the Green . The price of lemons for your G&T needs

. Still having R Kelly in your playlist

. Free still-cold sausages on the Green

With the return of the uni year comes the return of The Hilly as the hottest spot to be on a Friday arvo. Experienced Waikato students far and wide have long awaited the lack of seats and overly crowded tavern, eager to get a $3 handle after a stressful day on campus, and the time is finally here. See you there on Friday, boys.

PASS THE

. Pre-loading during Ori Events

. First years saying they’re “not even drunk” and then spilling their drinks everywhere

. Rhyming psycho with psycho in a song

Spotify: nexusmag

The Boys Are Back High School Musical Cast

Crying in the Club Camila Cabello

Young, Wild & Free (ft. Bruno Mars) Snoop Dogg, Wiz Khalifa

Home Michael Buble

A Little Too Much Shawn Mendes

R.I.P. 2 My Youth The Neighbourhood

HALLS

There is a clear winner here, kids; staying at home obviously. Home provides the comforts of childhood, a life of low-rent living, a lack of expired items in the fridge, and the occasional ride to town; you just don’t find that in halls. What could be better than staying in your own room, in a house where your washing is done for you and dinner’s ready when you walk in the door from a long day of classes? Absolutely nothing. When in halls, you can’t request your favourite meal when you’re feeling a bit down on a Thursday. Give up mum’s cooking for bulkproduced food made without a parent's love? No, thanks.

HOME

Moving from home into the halls is one of the most important transitions in your lifetime, so why rob yourself of this experience? While your first day is filled with terror and anticipation, you are signing yourself up for the most extensive and exciting social circle yet. At every corner you turn, there is a new array of potential pals, and despite having the same conversation with every single person, you are loving it. Where are you from? Are you drinking tonight? What do you study? Surely you’re drinking tonight? What floor are you on? But, you’re out tonight right? Ah yes, the first year student drinking culture – what better way to meet people? You and that girl whose hair you held back while she vomited? Pals. That guy who insisted you ‘meet him at the bottom’? Pals. Could it get any easier? Now, I’ll be honest about the food, there’s room for improvement. Having a different form of curry every night isn’t exactly what you had in mind when promised a variety of delicious foods. But this is a small sacrifice in exchange for your newfound independence. Do yourself a favour, come experience the chaos.

And who’s going to look after your sad hungover self on a Sunday if you’re in halls? You’ll have to drag yourself out of bed to get some water and your Uber Eats from the main door downstairs no parents to help you out in your time of need. There’s no contest between halls and home. Why would you want to live with a bunch of hormonal teenagers who you have nothing in common with when you can stay at home in your own personal bubble for a few more years?

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 1.0

UNIVERSITY BUCKET LIST

* Disclaimer - in no way do we suggest actually doing any of these things as they are very harmful to your health.

Go on a week long bender Lose your virginity Win beer pong at least once (or a tournament, hotshot) Go on a Nexus Blind Date Actually win money at the pokies Lose all your mates in town and have a solo rave Do a walk of shame Pull an all-nighter to finish an assignment Pass out in a strange place Patriotically sink a crate of Waikats Get Xâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d from town Down a drink upside down while doing a handstand Sleep with someone in your hall/lectures Make it to your 9am lecture hungover as f*ck Acquire a road cone (road signs are also acceptable) Do a funnel in record-worthy time Lose your brain cells at RnV Ask someone out who youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re definitely punching for Get a tattoo/extreme haircut due to losing a bet Get one A+ (this will divide the lot who succeeded so far) Somehow acquire a degree at the end of it 19

UNDER EMPLOYED How to Plan Your Degree Without Going Insane It’s no secret that, for an institution dedicated to the acquirement of degrees, actually planning a degree can be really fucking difficult. You’ve got to consider compulsory papers, prerequisites, meeting the requirements for your major/minor/ specialisation, the number of points you need, and juggle the inevitable clashes in your weekly timetable. You may also find that your queries get passed through five different staff members across three faculties before you actually get an answer, since the uni doesn’t seem to have a centralised set of staff qualified to help with degree planning (nudge nudge). Grab a pen; let’s help break it down for ya. Major = the subject which is the main focus of your degree, e.g. a BA majoring in english. 120 points (8 x 15 point papers) required across 3 years. Double major = two subjects studied in depth for your degree, e.g. a BSc with a double major in chemistry and physics. Minor = a subject you studied a few papers in that’s less of a commitment than a major. 60 points (4 x 15 point papers) required. Conjoint = a killer conjoined two degrees-in-one jobbie, which requires fewer points than studying two degrees separately. 20

Elective = a paper you take that probably doesn’t have much to do with your actual degree but hey, it fills some gaps. To put things simply, here's how to do it:

- If you’re embarking on a single degree you’ll

need 360 points worth of papers to finish, which is equivalent to 8 papers across 3 years, assuming your papers are 15 points each (20 point papers make things a bit trickier. Remember the uni will waive up to 5 points if you fall just short). That's 120 points per year for a full course load.

- Look at your degree structure online or in the

prospectus. Write down all the compulsory papers which you have to take, as well as any papers that are compulsory for your major (don’t stress if your major changes. Go with the flow, you can always adjust things).

- Check if your degree has any other requirements; for example, in the science degree, you need to take a set amount of science papers across different subjects at first year.

- The leftover spaces can be used to complete your major, a minor if you want one, and electives. Be creative with your electives. It’s a great chance to take papers in subjects that interest you, whether they’re relevant to your actual degree or completely different. Branch out a little, you may just discover a new interest.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 1.0

NEXUS NOTES - Get Paid! Make a management degree work for you: Economist $ 58K Financial Adviser Business Analyst $54K Human Resources $53K BP Customer Service $17 per hour For more information check out occupationoutlook.mbie.govt.nz/

- We advise doing your own research as much as

possible. Familiarise yourself with the regulations specific to your degree by trawling through the university website’s search bar. Give yourself time to work it out. You’ll probably make more than a few adjustments to your original plan, so don’t worry if you’re struggling.

- Remember that you can use 200 and 300 level

papers to fill in 100 level spaces if you get to third year and realise you’re missing a pesky paper or two from first year.

- Summer school can be a great way to catch up if

you’re a little behind in completing papers but be aware that it’s pretty intense due to having the equivalent of an entire semester crammed into a couple of weeks. If you have to stay for an extra semester or two to finish off, don’t panic, it’s pretty standard.

- If you’re on the fence between two degrees, you

have options. You could do a double major, conjoint degree, or consider doing a postgraduate diploma after you finish your degree.

Feel free to use our budget, free degree planner

Extra tips:

FIT TO FUCK As semester A commences, so too does another year of sexual escapades. Since Nexus truly cares about you, we’ve given you a quick workout that will help you both build a sexy physique and optimise your bedroom techniques to be the best damn slay you can be <3

Glute bridge pulses These are a great option for practising your pelvic tilt technique. After all, it’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean.

Lie on your back with knees bent, feet firmly on the floor and arms down at your sides. Squeeze your glutes and lift your hips up until your body forms a straight line from your knees to your hips and shoulders. Lower your hips by a few inches, then pulse upwards and squeeze at the top. Continue pulsing upwards and downwards.

Elbow plank Epic for building some serious stamina.

Start on your hands and knees. Place your forearms on the floor, keeping your palms face down and elbows aligned with your shoulders. Step your legs back and tuck your toes, with heels aligned over your toes. Your whole body should form one straight line. Keep your back flat and rely on contracting your abdominal muscles to keep you upright. Surely you can last longer than a minute?

Push-ups Great practise for missionary performance.

Sumo squats Build yourself a super squeezable derrière and delectable inner thighs.

Begin in a plank, with arms and legs straight and shoulders directly above your wrists. Bend your elbows to the sides and lower the chest until shoulders are in line with your elbows. Inhale and straighten your arms back up to a plank position. That’s one rep. Now give us 20, soldier.

Stand with your feet spread wide apart, toes pointing outwards. Bend your knees and lower the hips as far as you can go. Maintain a straight spine, with your torso leaned slightly forward. Drive through your heels to return to the starting position.

READ

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EXPERIENCE

REVIEWERS - ARTISTS - FEATURE WRITERS - ONLINE COLUNMISTS

Nexus is seeking volunteer contributors with stories to tell in 2019. If you think you're ready to write then email: Editor@Nexusmag.co.nz

Listen dear first years to our cautionary tale. University is tough but still easy to fail. Forget about all the places you’ll go And worry more about avoiding people in the line at Bongo. Waikato’s a melting pot most people are interesting and engaging but some are not. You’ll meet a lot of people, always be polite Because you never want to stand with people who hate you at Wongs on Hospo night. There’s the christians with hugs The Art Students with drugs The University jocks That one mature student always in Crocks The Boardgamers in trench coats The drunk engineering students building boats Comp Sci kids and their gaming computers The Awkwardly friendly, over-sharing tutors

Nexus editors who lack social skills And that science student who claim they “can suss pills” The hippies doing Yoga The halls kids sleeping in Toga’s Law Student’s in their parents dated suits Thinking anyone at a party gives a fuck about law moots The UniRec staff who care way too much about leg day The Ground Staff who deal with too much shit for too little pay The Lecturers who don’t like using cellphones The philosophy students who have had too many cones That one hypocritical RA who says don’t screw the crew But slid into the DM’s of everyone you knew. Dave from the WSU who starts every sentence with back in the day And those interesting OrcBallers and the weird sport they play. There’s Nathan and Quigley and Tauranga too Stacy with Coffee, the events teams… … And YOU! The campus is everyone's so treat it with care, Or you’ll be yelled at by the security guy with no hair. Remember young first years our golden rule: Whether your young or old, big or tall The strongest on the green or the litters runt The campus is great just don’t be a… bad person

NEXUS MAKES BANK

Luka Love luka@nexusmag.co.nz

There is an old adage in detective stories: follow the money. The idea is that if you can find out who stands to benefit most from something you have probably found the person (or people) responsible for it.

Most of the great evils perpetrated on the planet in the last few hundred years have been done in the name of profits. If somebody can make money by screwing other people out of it, or pillaging the environment, they have, they are, and they will. When you follow the money you end up with a list of the usual suspects: big oil companies, pharmaceutical behemoths, insurance monoliths, multinational tech giants. The names may vary a little here and there but, without fail, on every list is the big multinational banks. The reason is simple; money is their bread and butter. For every BP and Exxon Mobil spilling billions of barrels of crude oil in the oceans, for every BHP and Rio Tinto strip mining indigenous lands for minerals, and for every Union Carbide and Monsanto poisoning cities and destroying native ecologies, there is a bank making money off their money. The big banks are the monsters that in 2008 melted down the global economy, demanded a bailout with taxpayer money then foreclosed on those same taxpayers, taking their houses and forcing families out of their homes and into tent cities on the peripheries of society. They have fingers in pies in every nook and cranny of our planet. In New Zealand that means Westpac, ANZ, BNZ, and ASB. These banks are subsidiaries of the Big Four Australian banks, ruthless manipulators currently mired in their own unique set of scandals and fuckery. The bottom line is this: if you bank with any of those banks you may be supporting the greedy, bloodsucking system that is driving (and profiting from) the wholesale destruction of this planet.

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With that in mind, Nexus spoke to Carl Whittred, who was a Manager of the ANZ and National Banks on this campus for seven years. N: Why is the market competitive for students business? C: Customer behaviour surveys have shown the banks that if they get students in the first year they will more often than not keep them for a long time after graduation and into their first homes. N: What are the warning signs with student packages? C: Obviously overdrafts can be great when you're a student and need that grocery shop or it's your turn to buy a round, but too often people will max their overdraft in week one and sit in it for the next four years getting fees. N: What other factors may be in customer choice for students? C: It used to be around customer service. We would always talk about making sure that a customer felt they could relate to you. More and more it’s becoming about accessibility and ease. I hated my ASB app but love my ANZ one. It sounds trivial, but that can make a huge difference.. N: What advice do you have? C: Look at the fee structures, don't be afraid to ask “what is the best deal you can do for me?”, try and keep a savings account, and don't be afraid of insurances. 27

GOING LOCAL

The bottom line is that you don’t have to be party to death and destruction and mayhem just because you bank with the Big Boys. We are fortunate in this country to have a robust system of credit unions, mutual societies, cooperative banks, and genuinely Kiwi-owned banks. Here are your best local options.

The Co-operative Bank As the name suggests, this is a banking co-operative. When you open an account you become a shareholder. That means you are a part owner of the bank so when the bank turns a profit you - as one of the owners - get a share in that profit. You don’t have to do anything, just wait for a deposit of cold hard cash straight into your account every year. They offer tertiary accounts with zero fees, a functional banking app, an interest-free $1000 overdraft, EFTPOS and fee-free Mastercard Debit cards and the highest interest rates on your savings of any bank in the country. It is currently at an unheard of 4%! Ridiculous. You can find them on Bryce St in Hamilton Central, just off Victoria St. In Tauranga, they are downtown at 62 Grey St. Find them online at www.co-operativebank. co.nz or head to the WSU Building (Hamilton) to grab a pamphlet.

Kiwibank Our actual national New Zealand bank (lol Bank of New Zealand lol). Kiwibank is owned by the New Zealand Government, 51% through New Zealand Post, and 49% through ACC and the NZ Superannuation Fund. So the profits the bank returns pay for your grandparents pensions and for when your dad falls of his skateboard and needs pins put in his arm. They offer a tertiary account with zero fees, a low rate $1000 overdraft ($2000 in your second year and beyond), EFTPOS and fee-free Visa Debit Cards. They have more branches than any other bank in the country, you can find them everywhere around NZ. Just look for a New Zealand Post Shop. In Hamilton, the nearest Kiwibank branch is downtown on Victoria St and in downtown Tauranga on Grey St or online at www.kiwibank.co.nz 28

SBS Bank Formerly the Southern Building Society, now a legit bank headquartered in Invercargill. Building societies are like credit unions in that they are owned by their members. Just like any bank, the profits benefit the owners, which – if you bank with them - is you. Building societies were originally established to help members get mortgages to buy homes, so if you want a house one day, these guys are a good option to help you do that. Also not part of the evil global banking malarkey, so two thumbs up for that. The only problem is, they don’t offer a tertiary account. They have branches in downtown Hamilton and Tauranga or find them online at www.sbsbank.co.nz

NEXUS NOTES We thought we’d have a chat to some students on campus about their money management skills - specifically, their course-related costs and what they spend it on. The overwhelming response we got was that it gets spent on “textbooks and laptops,” which leads us to believe that you’re all full of shit.

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NØIR - Smino Album

Before NØIR debuted, Smino could have been pretty easily categorised as one of the countless kind-of-popular-but-not-really rappers that seem to dot the Spotify shuffle algorithm. His first album blkswn was a modest piece of work, but nothing special critically speaking, so imagine everyone’s surprise when he releases NØIR, an 18 track masterclass that shatters all expectations. In every sense, Smino steps up his game from the last album - each song flows into the next, intercut with voiceovers and radio broadcasts that create give the record a mood deserving of the name NØIR. Now don’t get me wrong, the record is far from everyone’s cup of tea- but if you’re after moody melodies and an album dripping with atmosphere, this is highly worth your time.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt New Episode - TV Show The theme song is still painful, but now there are Trump skits.

The Umbrella Academy TV Show

A superhero family has eight days to stop the apocalypse - that’s the plot in a nutshell. Aside from the enticing blurb, the characters, their relationships and drama weave together with a spectacular show as result. Netflix has released yet another series that bridges genres, has something for everyone and dazzles with its uniqueness. The superpowered siblings are quirky, curious, weird, and wonderful, and the actors oh-so good. The series starts with a bang, ends with a bang and in between the well-paced story and phenomenal soundtrack, you'll fall in love with some charming yet cuckoo characters.

Russian Doll TV Show Natasha Lyonne - in your sex dreams again (as if OITNB wasn't enough).

The Good Place

Sex Education TV Show

A new show that gives a fresh perspective on sex. This show is a mixture of crass british humor and educational content surrounding sex and sexual health. It follows a few core teenagers in high school who are struggling with their identity and sexual status, all while trying to run a sex therapy service for their fellow peers. There is great representation of different sexualties and issues that the characters are trying to cope with. A great watch if you’re looking for a laugh, but also a 2019 take on teenage sex rather than your usual conservative bullshit.

New Episode - TV Show The same love stories are rehashed alongside relatable comedy to ease the existential dread triggered by Chidi.

GROW THE FUCK UP

CHORE WHEEL Solve any arguments with our patented Nexus chore wheel. Cut these babies out and write your flatmates names on the white circle. Stack it on top of the black circle, secure with a pin and spin to reveal your fate for the week.

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HOW DO I MAKE PEOPLE DO CHORES? Passive aggression, unsanitary living conditions and general drama are all hallmarks of the flatting experience. One of the most frustrating aspects is living with people who, as you will realise, are very different from you. As in, some people clearly don’t realise how curtains function, or that physically putting dishes *inside* the dishwasher is a requirement for making it work. Whether you belong to the party of naggers, slackers, or a healthy medium in between we have some advice for you, chaps. Do your bit. Be conscientious; don’t spread your general messiness throughout the rest of the house, and clean up after yourself as soon as possible. Be respectful, keep communal areas tidy, and if you don’t know how to do something, better to risk the embarrassment of asking how to do it (better yet, watch youtube videos) rather than gain a reputation as a general fucking lazy guts. Pick your battles. We know it can be frustrating dealing with the laziness of certain flatmates, but there’s a time and place to go about fighting it. If it’s 9am on Sunday morning after town, relax if there are still bottles around, it’ll get done. If, on the other hand, it’s two days later and they haven’t cleaned up, it’s completely permissible to ask that they sort their shit. Put a system in place. If some flatties aren’t pulling their weight, try chucking a chore roster up to make them accountable (or, better yet, our handy dandy chore wheel). Don’t be a mum. Instead of doing everything and combusting one day, try putting the responsibility on others. Posting “can someone else please do the dishes for once” in the group chat won’t earn you fandom. Rather, try explaining that you all have busy schedules but it would really help you out if more people could help with the dishwasher, or something with a firm, non-agro tone.

The bossy boots This one takes “flat mum” to a whole new level. They’ll bug you about cleaning up constantly, complain about the amount of power you use, and seem to flex the nag muscle whenever you so much as touch a light switch. The lazy slob The lazy flatties seem to love a constant state of squalor. Their room will be invisible beneath a layer of clothes, old pizza boxes and a weird smell that never seems to leave. Good luck getting them to do anything around the house except make a mess.

FLATMATE ARCHETYPES The loud one You’ll experience roaring laughter at 2am on a Tuesday morning, constantly hear their arrogantly loud music and see a stream of people you’ve never met entering and leaving the house. You'll love asking them to be quiet a million times to no avail. The one you never see Are they home? Do they even talk? Are they cooking drugs in that dark room of theirs? These ghosters feel like a source of free rent money since you never actually see them but you may wonder about their social skills. PDA Patricia That one flattie that always has their s.o/lovers hanging around. It would be fine if you didn’t have to hear the rhythmic thump of their bed every night, or deal with their greasy partners eating all your food.

GROW THE FUCK UP

STUDENT SUPPORT TIPS Adulting rarely comes easy - or cheap for that matter but there are ways you can make the move from home a more manageable one when it comes to your own personal finances. Therefore, here’s a few logically sound student support tips to get you through your semesters of flatting.

THE FLAT ACCOUNT Mayyah Gordon sumayyah@nexusmag.co.nz

One of the most important chats you’ll need to have with your prospective new flatmates is how you want your finances to be shared - and what the best ways to do so are. My first piece of advice when it comes to organising the notorious flat account: choose your elected bill payer, and choose wisely. Now, I’m sure that we would all like to believe we can trust the mates we’ve chosen to shack up with for the period of our tenancy contracts, but the last thing you’ll want to see is a timeline of transactions conveying dwindling communal funds being met with poor receipt management. The harrowing tale of money being stolen from the flat kitty and being dripfed into the pockets of the one person you trusted with designating the job to is one some of us know all too well. To manage the madness, it’s probably in everyone’s best interest to make purchase decisions together so that everyone agrees with what their money is being put towards. After all, who doesn’t love a trip to Kmart? 32

The survival budget: Be realistic about what you can afford to live off prior to ditching the parental nest. Paying your bills on time and in full is important, but so is eating. Unfortunately, the classic bender doesn’t qualify as an adequate means of hydration, and “roughin’ it” 48 hours before payday on canned fruit… well, it just isn’t cute. Budgeting schemes: Get amongst the Pinterest community’s spend control schemes for some good ideas on how to make the most of your funds, discuss weekly grocery contributions with the flatmates, or aim to be well-informed when it comes to shopping around for your internet and power companies. Guap collector: ‘Savings’ is a pretty foreign concept at times for many of us full-time students living away from home - and subsequently, away from the added comfort of plush financial cushioning- but they are imperative, so be sure to put some money aside each week in case of an emergency. Broke... but resourceful: As always, the university provides many a service to its student population. One such service is free student counselling sessions, as well as the Student Crisis Hotline which can be reached 24/7 on 0800 841 140. Other great resources for navigating everything tenancy related can be found on the New Zealand Tenancy Services website, or perhaps through visiting the Citizens Advice Bureau.

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CLEAN THE FUCK UP Kim Sare kim@nexusmag.co.nz

First of all, let’s get down to the necessities - you need some fucking cleaning products in your flat. At the very least, get some Spray n’ Wipe, dishwashing liquid, probably some bleach for the toilet if we’re being honest. These are the founding blocks of a semi-presentable flat. But what happens when you’ve got a bigger mess to clean? We’re here to give you some super helpful advice on how to clean those pesky spills, stains, and smells to such a standard that you won’t get kicked out before your tenancy is up. So you’ve had a party, and some less-thanrespectful hooligan has decided to smoke inside. How do you get the smell out? First things first, open all the doors and windows so you can to get some air flowing through. Another tip is to boil some vinegar on the stove and let it diffuse through the house. If you happen to have an oil diffuser, using some natural oils might be more up your alley. In really desperate times, use a mixture of warm water and vinegar with a 2:1 ratio to wash the walls and mop the floor.

What about some nice red wine or a raspberry cruiser? With a spill like this, it’s best to act quickly. Obviously it’s not always possible to stop mid-party to break out the cleaning stuff, so just as soon as possible will (hopefully) do. Firstly, use some paper towels to soak up as much of the spill as possible. Mix 1 cup of warm water with 1 teaspoon of dishwashing liquid, and apply this to the stain with a clean cloth - start on the outside and work your way in to avoid spreading the stain. If this doesn’t quite do the trick, mix 2 cups of warm water with 1 cup of white vinegar, and dab the spot with paper towels.

Vomit on the carpet? First off, you have to pick up as much of it as possible. Use gloves, paper towels, a plastic bag over your hand, whatever floats your boat - it’s rank but it’s got to be done. After that’s done, cover the spot with baking soda. This works well to remove any moisture in the carpet and will hopefully help with the smell, so don’t be shy. Once covered, leave it for about 10-15 minutes and then vacuum. If you don’t have baking soda, a bucket of warm water and a pile of towels should also do the job. Pour the warm water onto the spot and blot with a towel - use some force, but don’t scrub. Repeat until you’ve soaked up all the moisture. If there’s still a stain, repeat the baking soda, or use a mix of equal parts vinegar and cold water and continue to dab with towels.

NEXUS NOTES Worst case scenario, just say fuck it and pop down to Mitre 10 to pick up a Rug Doctor.

D I L A V CONDOM REVIEW Gold Knight - Strawberry Does anybody seriously like these? Not only are they thicker than a first year marketing major but the shitty synthetic strawberry smell is more nauseating than it is kinky. If your potential sexual partner whips out one of these, you should seriously just leave. Hero Condoms Ultra Thin Ideal for vegan sex. Humanitarians will also be instantly impressed with you (one condom is donated to Africa to help stop the spread of HIV for very condom sold). They’re a nice thickness - or should we say thinness - and not irritating. You could call them a “feel-good” option all round *wink wink*. Durex Pleasure Me Ribbed & Dotted If you’re stimulated by the concept of being fucked by a cheese grater, go right ahead. These rubbers are supposedly designed for female pleasure; some chicks will love them, others will feel like their insides are being sandpapered…don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Shield Blue I’m really not sure how exciting it is to don the penistailored equivalent of a medical rubber glove. “Blue” in the name may well indicate the colour your knob will turn after these condoms cut off all circulation. On the one positive note, it’ll add on half an inch of girth if you’re lacking in that department, and the term “Shield” is fitting considering you would have to have sperm with the strength of Bruce Lee to get through these puppies. Durex Classic The classic for a reason, you can get right down to business with these ol’ faithfuls. They’re affordable, widely available and you can rely on them to do the job. Not the most exciting things, but then again, if you’re doing the job properly, it’s probably not the condoms themselves you should be relying on to make it exciting.

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HUNGOVER BREAKFASTS Royale Indian $10 curry combo special on Cameron Road This kind of value is unsurpassed. $10 for a curry, rice, naan and a drink from 11.30am on a Sunday morning is the perfect cure for what ails you. Absolutely outstanding. Last night’s Domino’s pizza Cold leftover pizza is arguably superior to any other calibre of pizza. We could fight about this, but beef and onion is definitely the pick of the $5 value range lot, by the way. Bacon and eggs If you’re lucky enough to avoid having to work in the morning and you had the forethought to purchase some Hellers in advance, whipping up some bacon and scrambled eggs for your mates will truly make you a (hungover) domestic goddess. Maccas An excellent venue for a dusty breakfast considering there’s absolutely no minimum standard of dress in these fine restaurants. Download the app for kickass cheap deals. If in doubt, a sloppy couple o’ hash browns and some greasy fries should do the job. Hair of the dog Nothing could be more priceless than taking advantage of the free drinks generously abandoned around the flat from the night before. The hangover never hits if you stay on the booze, right?

If you’re into “New Zealand reggae with an erotic twist” - or you’re at least curious about it - check out the Rotorua-born fivesome Strangely Arousing. We chatted with lead singer Lukas to discuss why the heck they ran with a name that sounds kind of like a Brazzers special, and get the lowdown on their vibe. Nexus: It looks like you boys are having a blast, do you feel a bit famous back in Rotorua now? SA: Oh Rotorua will always be home, man, everybody’s pretty low key in Rotorua. We tend to stick to ourselves when we’re back home, get family time. Rotorua has never been like a celebrity town, I feel, you can just go to Rotorua and no one will recognise you, no one gives a shit. I love my home town. Nexus: So how did the name come about, is there a story there? SA: Originally we just wanted something to make people who announced us real uncomfortable, so we ended up using that. There was this one dude that used to always announce us at our high school events and shit, and he always used to make really bad puns, so we decided to give him something there.

Nexus: What have been some of the biggest influences on your sound? There’s a few of you studying jazz, is that right? SA: Yeah we studied it for a year, me and two others, then we stopped I think two years ago? But yeah, jazz is amazing, jazz is just like the language of music. It’s so dense, it’s just everything. After you study jazz, everything you hear is just jazz, just a variation on jazz. So yeah, that was definitely a huge influence, but mostly we all have such eclectic taste and we’re all into hip hop, we all like old school hip hop, and new school Mac, that type of stuff. We’re all into different shit. New Zealand reggae is a huge one, we’ve just been playing gigs with Katchafire, filling in for their trumpet player, so it’s been great for him to go and play with his heroes, we’ve been listening to them since so young, you know. Nexus: Ladeda was released a few months ago - can you talk us through the process of coming up with a new track? SA: That one was quite interesting, actually. Originally I was making beats on Logic because I just make beats all the time, and had this random trap song just for a laugh, because trap’s hilarious to make, and my bass player heard it and he was like yeah, that’s awesome man, let’s roll with that, and I didn’t see anything in it. I was like oh that’s just a random track and had written verse the for it, and I had

Full Exposure Strangely Arousing 36

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previously written a chorus for it that he wanted to keep. He kinda just came to me in the morning one day [where] we went through kind of a deciding block of singles on what was going to be the next one we released out of a few options and we were deciding in the afternoon; he said just try for the day to work on the song, see what happens, and then out spat Ladeda and it got considered as a single and won. It was really interesting, being in the creative position, because I didn’t see much in the song, now it’s one of my favourite songs. Probably my favourite song of the ones that we have, just because I had written it off totally, and he saw something in it. It’s amazing the power of music when people hear something that you just would never hear and it comes out as something you love. Nexus: The band’s been together for a fair few years now what do you feel most proud of? SA: I’m proud of the team, to be honest. That’s one thing that’s really shown its worth over the course of our career is getting people that are the same age that gel together and really vibe together, getting them to work on the same project. For us, we’ve got quite a large team now and we’ve just been able to get people around our same age group that have dope qualities that we love and can help the business, and kind of delegate those roles and getting those roles sussed so we can all work as one cohesive machine to get it done. That’s what I’m proud of man, we’re getting way more cohesive and that’s cool.

Nexus: When and where can we experience your music? SA: Live. You should come live. Nexus: Awesome, what can we expect from your live performances? SA: It’s so cliché but expect the unexpected. It’s gonna be weird, just look at the name. It’s gonna be fucking weird. Expect New Zealand reggae with an erotic twist. Nexus: Has there been any one performance that’s really stood out as a favourite for you? SA: I played an amazing one last week, it was Tora Bombora which was fucking incredible. It was like a 500 capacity festival right on the beach, just amazing scenery and the best bands, just real low key bands that were all doing amazing stuff across the country, so that was an amazing gig, that was one for the books. Nexus: One last question - if you could give uni students any advice, what would it be? SA: Quit uni.

O'WEEK 2019

STUFF HEARD ON THE WSU BUSSES “You have free sausages? Nothing’s free in America” “Get outta of the way” - Nathan Rahui WSU President 2019

"I don't want to eat the sausages because I'll sober up" "Up the stud! Up the Stud!" chant "Have you got a bucket?" “Can you just pretend I’m a first year” as an older student mingles with first year girls “BUCKET, BUCKET” spews “Ah, that’s better, where’s my drink” soon after, someone calls from the back “EW! It’s chunky...” “It’s like a free fucking Uber that doesn’t drop you where you want to go” “You wish you were 23, you’re 12” “I have to go in that building to pay? I’m so scared” “I have to pay a dollar for the bus?” - girl wearing a super pass $50 note and pays for all his friends. “This bread is ok, it was a bit stale last night”

“You can fucking walk” - Donnella

“This food is free? This is fucken awesome”

"Oh I thought those yellow (vomit) buckets were for tips" - Spencer

“It’s a sheet, not a tablecloth”

“I don’t like going to the Hood coz I’m the only white boy so I feel uncomfortable” “Hi I don’t have any money on me” - we take eftpos - “I don’t have a card “- you will have to go back home then - (all of sudden finds his card in his pocket) “Thanks Hun” “I voted for you, you have to give me a sausage” “Can you shout me a bus fare I’ll pay you back in town” “Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt” chant after Kurt puts down a 40

"Is it a $1 there and back?" “You can find me in Bryant hall room XXX” “Can I please get a cup of water for my friend” (almost always) drinks it themselves. “Can I get 1 bus fare for tonight only please” gives a $50 note. “Is this stamp going to come off” “Do you have paywave”

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PISCES

FEB 19 - MAR 20 Your creativity is brewing and you’re feeling friskier than usual. Our crystal ball says to channel this into some mixing and mingling with new people, for the fortunes of essay experts could soon be coming your way.

ARIES

MAR 21 - APR 19 This week is your time to shine, Aries! Use the many opportunities of first week to show everyone how much better you are than them and the hugely coveted role of class rep will be yours in no time.

TAURUS

GEMINI

APR 20 - MAY 20 Stubbornness is a notable trait in your aura, Taurus, but try to reign it in. Refrain from thinking you’re always right, or forever struggle with the embarrassment of a prominent lanyard in all your O Week photos. MAY 21 - JUN 20 Mars merging with Venus this week leaves you feeling restless and uncertain. Attend your first week of classes to reinforce in your feeling that you’re not cut out for university, or suffer through another year of sub-par academic success.

VIRGO

LIBRA

SCORPIO

OCT 23 - NOV 21 While you do love your alone time, self-isolation is not an admirable trait at the best of times. This is especially true in the first week of classes, so perhaps attempt an appearance or two.

SAGITTARIUS

CAPRICORN

DEC 22 - JAN 19 Ambition is your middle name, Capricorn, and you’re not here to play. Sit in the front row of class and introduce yourself to the lecturer so as to establish yourself as teacher’s pet and immediately reap the benefits.

CANCER

LEO

SEP 23 - OCT 22 A new year means new faces and new first impressions. Keep this in mind for your first week on campus. Our crystal ball says use fashion to make a statement; we’re thinking cheetah print.

NOV 22 - DEC 21 Making new friends is one of the perks of university. With all the excitement of university starting, don’t forget to take it personally when the girl you sat next to in your first lecture for ARTS101 doesn’t remember your name.

JUN 21 - JUL 22 With the start of the University year arriving, be sure to keep your emotions in check. It may be stressful, but crying for 13 hours a day will just leave you dehydrated.

JUL 23 - AUG 22 You’re full of pride and ready to make your mark on the world this week, Leo. Be aware of false opportunities though, for falling off a table in Outback might not land you the reputation you’re aiming for.

AUG 23 - SEP 22 Cool and collected is how you’ll be walking into this week. While the stress of new uni courses may not be getting to you, keep in mind that long-term drug use can severely decrease your number of brain cells.

AQUARIUS

JAN 20 - FEB 18 With Jupiter charging your fifth house, this week shall be full of prosperity. Make the most of this good fortune, for our predictions see a drop in motivation as the semester continues. 41

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NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 1.0

BLIND DATE

She’s a pretty and petite blonde with a passion for petitions, cycling, and aesthetic instagram posts. He’s a confident young lad who’s never short of a joke or smile and always up for a new challenge. A late night date in the midst of O-Week - what could go wrong?

SHE SAID: Have you ever felt you were on a date with one of your younger brothers friends? I don’t usually consider age a problem however when my date arrived I think we both realised there were more than just a couple years between the two of us. Him pointing that out totally didn’t help either ha! Except I’d spent too much time complaining about tinder that I really had to give this a chance. As any nervous person would with a free bar tab, I downed two rums quicker than necessary, which chilled me out to be a little more verbal and thank god because some dangerous topics came up and I’m an easily triggered person. The poor guy got an earful and to my surprise he took it all on like a champ. Usually I have my fists up ready to defend my corner but he seemed to genuinely take on board everything I said and even more so, appreciated having another perspective. However, that’s when I started to feel less like a date and more like a He said: Initially when my mate asked me if I wanted to do this I was kinda excited and the 100 dollar tab didn’t sound too bad. My friend dropped me off at House about 5 minutes late only to find her sitting there waiting, I felt like a dick but at least I wasn’t there first. She seemed kinda older and more mature, a couple drinks in and the conversations were very basic, I was kinda right about her not being my type. We ordered a bit of food and she said she was vegetarian, the conversations were kind of basic. Soon after that I found out that she was 25 which made me

guidance counselor. Just when I thought there was nothing to discuss he asks me what I think is most important in a relationship, I could of given him a bullshit answer like trust or honesty but where’s the fun in that? And more so, how do I put it? Astrology? Love languages?? Physical Touch??? Yeah I hope he knows that I meant sex, otherwise he’s got a long way to go. Clearly the rum had kicked in because I don’t think I was thinking any more. Aside from calling him dude too many times it was super nice to get to know someone from scratch, I just didn’t see myself following him to his next venue.. think my maturity would’ve cramped his style and besides I had ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’ waiting for me at home.

feel like a kid, but fuck who cares I was kinda pissed and enjoying the free drinks. Not much to talk about that was exciting to be honest the conversations were much small talk. Thank you Nexus for the tab, but this was a fucking waste of time and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. Chur

Brought to you by House on Hood. If you're keen for a Blind Date, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz 45

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