N.05 / V.47
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Ecofrost Fries 1kg (Limit One, While Stock Lasts)
Leaning Tower Pizzas 400g 2 for
99 5 c
Arnott’s Shapes (Extreme Flavours Only – New!)
1
49
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Eta Spuds 150g 2 for
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THIS PRICE IS ON THE DOWN LOW
Editor Jessica Wilson editor@nexusmag.co.nz Design Olivia Paris design@nexusmag.co.nz
01 EDITORIAL No One Loves You
03 NEWS
NZUSA: King of the Pre-Nup / Cruzing for a Nomination / Save the Birds, Save the Babies
Deputy Editors Brittany Rose Jules Craft Managing Editor James Raffan Contributors Sam Marelich Alexander Nebesky Ty Hart Michael Watson Chris Reive Chris Kader Johnny Ryan Richard Swainson Jared Wooldridge Caitlin Orton Kelsie Morland Melissa Stevens Hp Peter Dornauf Victor Alexeyev Emma Nygard Drunk Professor Aunty Slut Resident Gay James Brodie Rebecca Pollard Dave Snell Zac Lyon Shannon Stewart Sarah & Priscilla Alix Higby Interns Ashleigh Matthews Jessamy Topping Johnny Ryan Cover Artwork Cam Wilkinson Photography Kale Isaac
07 SPORTS Television is for Losers
08 ENTERTAINMENT
Horoscopes / Trending on Twitter/ What’s Hot What’s Not / Best of the Web / Beats by J
11 REVIEWS
Salt of the Earth / Cinderella / Successor / Mexico
14 ARTS Barbarians at the Gates
15 AUTEUR Will Miss You Albert Maysles
16 FEATURES
How Do I Adult? / Rupaul’s Drag Race: Untucked / Myths are Realities and Realities are Myths
24 YOUR SPACE Shangri-La: Vacancy
26 COLUMNS
The Single Life / Aunty Slut / The Weekly Grind / She’s Abroad / Confessions of James Brodie
34 50 YEARS OF NEXUS Boganology 101
35 COOKING Hot Cross Buns
Advertising aj@wsu.org.nz Offices Ground Floor, Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton Online nexusmag.co.nz facebook.com/nexusNZ @nexusmag Spotify: nexusmagazine
36 CARE
Clubs / Advocacy / Representation / Experience
38 SNAPPED Send us your snaps!
40 PUZZLES
Editorial NEXUS MAGAZINE
No One Loves You
But what I do experience, is the cold harsh reality of life. I’m
Jess Wilson
talking about the systematic oppression of female pufferfish
not Mariah Carey and I sometimes get rashes on my thighs from extreme chafing (would be a great name for a porno). For the simpletons who do not know what I’m getting at, I’m in the media. That, and that this issue is about reality. Reality is #real, like Kanye West and Kim Kardashian’s relationship. Or my ass. In this issue we are going to explore
Reality hurts. Like coming to terms with the fact that a
the harsh realities of life, as well as dropping some truth-
snake will never love you. They’re a simplistic creature; much
bombs upon y’all. Starting now.
like the common gym-goer, snakes only experience base emotions: happy, sad, horny, and need-to-poop.
1. Every mistake and every letdown has led you to become the strong person you are today. Without these, you
Lest we forget the tragic realisation that your best friend
wouldn’t have the ability to cope with life like now how
cares about you slightly less than you care about them.
you do. Be proud of it. You’ve made it thus far.
Only slightly, but it’s enough to make you want to eat four pieces of French toast, three eggs, two packets of ramen, and a raisin. In one sitting. Not that that happened to me.
2. You are the owner of an incredible mind. The fact you’re reading this right now is pretty rad even!
Especially not last weekend. Luke, call me. Please.
3. Your mother had intercourse with your father.
Sometimes I sit in my room and ponder the fact that I will
4. You have a body that can do SO much. You likely have
never be able to go to the premiere of Rob Schneider’s
the ability to see beauty, taste delicious morsels, and
2002 career-changing movie, ‘The Hot Chick’. I usually then
dance to your favourite music. Even if some parts of
proceed to write dark poetry to Siouxsie & the Banshees
your body don’t work, you can still do so many incredible
about the struggles of Schneider-induced depression.
things with it.
Even worse than the aforementioned is finally allowing
5. You’re going to die alone with such regrets as reading
yourself of the knowledge that you’re not particularly
average university magazines and crying during Disney
attractive, intelligent, sane, or creative. Except, lucky for me,
movies.
I have yet to experience these truths — as they would be falsities. I’m fucking perfect.
Go fuck yourself.
1
NEXUS MAGAZINE Lettuce
Mix Tape
Official WSU Notice
Can’t Get Laid
It is with a somewhat heavy heart the Waikato Students’ Union announce two vacancies on its Board of Directors. Unfortunately both Tau Marsden and Teina Walters (pictured above) are going to be unable to continue in
Uni is a time to explore and try out new things. Because of this I decided that for a week I will only watch amateur black ghetto porn. Its a pretty good change from my normal midget porn but one experience really highlighted the difference. Jamal was just about to cum and so was I and he stared straight into the camera and said buy my mixtape on itunes while pulling out a4 piece of paper with qr code. Cant even watch porn without the brothers shoving their mixtapes down your throat. Stopped watching that genre of porn after that.His rhymes are pretty tight though.
their elected roles as directors. In response the nine current members of the WSU Board decided at the board meeting last week to seek expressions of interest to fill the vacant positions. Any current student will be considered although there will be a brief vetting period to ensure the candidates are actually eligible and serious. In official WSU speak we need to say “Pursuant to rule 17.1 of our Constitution we are required to give 10 clear days’ notice (excluding weekends, public and University Holidays and teaching recesses) so the closing date for applications will be Tuesday 28th April 2015. In other words, if you are someone who believes in the things we do but
Mortal Kombat
also wants to help us to do them better, this might be the role for you.
Misogynist Prick
I scored a 6/10 after toga party at o week. Take her back to my room at the halls and started getting frisky. Tap the wall and yell mortal kombat to let my friend know that im about to cum in the next room. 10 seconds later he screams FINISH HIM. I blow my load in her face while she is dazzled and weirded out. Overall pretty good.
Wassupcow
I Love Ginger Pussy
@wassupcow
Cutekitties
A day at uni like any other day, some over chatty girls are blocking the door. In my head I hear the “move bitch get out the way” song playing. Laughing at
I am loving all the cute ginger cat snaps; they are a welcome change from all the dick pics.
myself, I then realised my inner daddyissues (follow her on snapchat, instagram and Twitter) awoke. There is some shit I want to say. I’m here for the girls. The single, drunk, love wine, fuck you all girls. Mainly the girls that don’t have there shit together. Even if you don’t fit into those discriptions follow me anyway. I’ll be laying some shit down on snapchat and Twitter.
You Owe Us Money for Advertising Probably a Commie
Disclaimer Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or
Hi, we are ‘Waikato Rocks’ a voluntary organisation promoting New
coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter
Zealand music for the past five years on Radio and Television. Now, we are
which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats
getting into organising concerts to promote them.Our first concert is on
of violence or hate speech. Email your lettuce to lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz
the 18th of April at Altitude bar. 2
N.05 / V.47
News NEXUS MAGAZINE
NEWS FEATURE which either means nobody should care or everybody should be very, very afraid because that’s a little vague and could be foreshadowing something truly frightful. Or it could be legal action. That’d go a long way from Rory’s position where he is, “Absolutely keen to bring the WSU back into the fold,” because NZUSA “is not a service you can just stop.” We asked WSU president Shannon Stewart what the deal was, and she replied “No, we are not NZUSA members,” and, “No, I do not intend to pay the invoice they have sent us.” She went on to say, “I can’t comment on whether we will or will not rejoin NZUSA as that would be a decision for the entire WSU Board to make. What I will say is that we left NZUSA for a good reason and I personally would not vote to rejoin NZUSA unless they had resolved most of the many problems they were
NZUSA: KING OF THE PRE-NUP
facing. If there is no value for money, I won’t support it. Membership isn’t cheap
Sam Marelich & Alexander Nebesky
Shannon also pointed out that both she and Roy stood for election on an open
and we need to see something for it.”
platform against rejoining NZUSA, opposing other candidates who proposed rejoining. Zanian Steele, board member for 2014/2015 also didn’t seem to think The New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA) is threatening
the WSU were a part of NZUSA, stating, “There have been a lot of changes to
legal action if two current members don’t front up on outstanding
the organization since our withdrawal and I hope that we consider rejoining after
membership fees, despite declaring their intentions to withdraw in late
consulting Waikato students.”
2014. Both the Otago University Students’ Association (OUSA) and the Victoria University of Wellington Students’ Association (VUWSA) have
Confused? So are we. We’ll follow up this story over the coming months.
been slapped with nice big invoices for the 12 month period between the two organisations announcing their withdrawal and the date that they can officially depart. According to NZUSA’s constitution there is a 12 month waiting period before a university can actually leave the Association, and given that the OUSA and VUWSA announced their departure in late
SIDE NOTE Do you know what NZUSA stands for? If so do you know what it is?
2014, as of yet they are still technically members, which means they’re still
Sam Dallas, Science/Biochem
required to pay up. The OUSA has already paid half of their outstanding
Um, probably New Zealand students union. I assume its
fees amounting to $11,250 and will discuss the potential of paying the
a union for student representatives.
remainder, whereas the VUWSA president Rick Zwaan has said he doesn’t,
Do you think WSU should be a part of it?
“think it’s the best use of our students’ money,” which is interesting because
As a major uni, Waikato should be a part of it.
I assumed students’ money was generally for throwing around, shredding, burning, or for possibly buying 100 horse sized ducks. The Waikato Students’ Union withdrew from NZUSA in 2013 and has
Courtney Durston, Cup Course Yep also. Yes.
refused to pay membership fees since, though NZUSA, in a long term bout of denial, still considers the WSU a member of the gang and often sits by the window as the rain lashes against the glass and looks longingly out over the raging sea waiting for the day the WSU might return home. Nexus got in touch with the jilted lover, Rory McCourt, President of NZUSA,
Madi Durston, Cup Course I agree with Sam and Courtney.
to ask him if he thought there was ever a chance the WSU and NZUSA would reconcile, or if they were never ever getting back together - and here’s what he had to say: “The WSU have not given a withdrawal that is recognised by the NZUSA constitution, and for that reason they are still a member.” He went on to state that the overarching plan was to reconcile
Arana Rakena, Sport & Leisure
the differences between the two and try to reach a compromise because
Dunno. Oh, nah I dunno.
NZUSA is, “prepared to make the reforms to get them back into the tent.”
The ‘S’ stands for student, and the ‘NZ’ for New Zealand.
Though one would wonder if they have a chance when the WSU seems
No clue...United Student Association?
hellbent on causing trouble with NZUSA ever since they de-facto pulled out in 2013. McCourt broke it down in black and white, “If they want to leave, that’s fine, but it’s like a lease on a house - you can decide to leave a few
Saynarvat Srisawat, Sport & Leisure
weeks in and that’s fine but your name is still on the lease, so for that time
Same (as Arana).
the levies are still needing to be paid.” When it comes to potential legal actions against the VUWSA and OUSA for outstanding levies, McCourt stated that it was, “up to the NZUSA board,” 3
NEXUS MAGAZINE News
NEWS
SAVE THE BIRDS, SAVE THE BABIES Ty Hart
Baby formula is named as such because you feed it to babies (it took 4 years of law to come up with this brilliant line of logic — be amazed). Little, wide-eyed, puke machines of cuteness that can’t otherwise defend themselves, let alone have any political opinion on the use of
CRUZING FOR A NOMINATION Sam Marelich
1080 poison. However, when mothers across the country purchase baby formula, they like it to be free of most poisonous substances. That was why, just under two weeks ago, the nation was outraged to hear that, not only had a threat been made to contaminate shipments of baby formula with 1080 poison, but that this threat had been made
Although the USA aren’t holding their presidential election until November 8, 2016, would be presidents have been jetting all around the 50 states, wooing wealthy
back in November last year — and the Government hadn’t said a word of it until recently.
donors in an attempt to shore up the serious amounts of cash needed to run successful
The demands of the would-be poisoner were fairly simple; Stop
campaigns.
using 1080 poison as a pesticide before the end of March, or else
Firebrand Ted Cruz is the first official candidate running for the 2016 election. Ideologically, he made a name for himself by backing the Tea Party and is partially responsible for the hard right shift of the Republican party.
the substance would somehow find it’s way into shipments of baby formula. The reactions of the police, wider government agencies, and supermarkets since the delayed announcement was made have been typical. Tins of baby formula are now being held behind the counters
Despite being the first in, it is unlikely that Ted Cruz will end as future president, with
of major supermarkets, and investigations into the threat-maker have,
most media speculation focusing on Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton.
oddly, lead to mayoral candidates in Auckland.
When it comes to keeping it in the family, Republican Jeb Bush has unbeatable
For many people, however, the real issue is the Government’s delay
connections — his father is George HW Bush (President 1989–1993) and his big brother
in announcing that the threat had even been made in the first place.
is George W Bush (President 2001–2009). He was also Governor of Florida 1997–2007.
There’s an argument to state that, as the threat was directed towards
Hillary Clinton is the Democratic candidate with real firepower. Wife of former President Bill Clinton (1993–2001), despite losing the Democratic Party nomination to
the end of March, there was no point in announcing anything until closer to the time.
Barack Obama in 2008, she’s got experience as the United States Secretary of State
Others — namely the mothers of newborn babies — have come out
(2009–2013).
swinging, saying that as nervous first-time parents, they’ve had an extra
While he may not be likely to win a seat, Senator Cruz stands to be one of the more entertaining candidates. As a Senator he has built his reputation upon hardline
stress placed on their shoulders by the government not giving them all of the information they need to look after their children.
conservative principles like getting back to constitutional values, the removal of the
Either way everyone, even supporters of the anti-1080 poison
welfare state and getting tougher on immigration laws which in itself is interesting
movement, can agree that threatening to poison babies is probably
because Mr Cruz was born in Calgary, Alberta, Canada.
taking your protest a step over a very clear line.
However, even that doesn’t compare to his latest hypocrisy. It’s worth noting (because it’s very entertaining) Cruz signed up to Obamacare last week even though his primary focus in his tenure as Texas Senator has been dismantling the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) — arguably President Obama’s grandest attempt at a political legacy, extending healthcare coverage to over ten million poor Americans. Cruz had previously argued that Obamacare is bad for the economy, he told CNN “What is problematic about Obamacare is that it is killing millions of jobs in this country and has killed millions of jobs. It has forced millions of people into part-time work. It has caused millions of people to lose their insurance, to lose their doctors and to face skyrocketing insurance premiums. That is unacceptable.” Since the Affordable Care Act was signed into law in 2010, the American Healthcare sector has increased in size by more than 1 million jobs, while the rest of the private sector has also added 7.7 million jobs. Not too bad for a job killer. 4
N.05 / V.47
News NEXUS MAGAZINE
NEWS FROM THE UNIVERSITY
GRADUATION CEREMONIES IN APRIL A reminder that the April graduation ceremonies are happening: • Friday 10 April at Holy Trinity, Tauranga • Tuesday 14, Wednesday 15 and Thursday 16 April at Claudelands Events Centre, Hamilton • Friday 17 April at Te Kohinga Mārama Marae, Hamilton campus
PACIFIC STUDENTS SCHOLARSHIP ON OFFER The University has two scholarships on offer for Pacific students. The Edna Money Scholarship for Pacific Academic Excellence worth $3000, and the Edna Money Scholarship for
For more details, including times and the full breakdown of Faculties/qualifications involved
Pacific Academic Achievement worth $1000 are on offer to
in each ceremony, visit www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/graduation/2015ceremonies.shtml
undergraduate students from the University who are of Pacific Island descent. Applicants should be current undergraduate students and must be New Zealand citizens or permanent residents. Scholarship applications close on Tuesday 31 March. Further information and application forms can be found on the Pacific at Waikato webpage.
NEED TO SELL YOUR BIKE? The Trading Post is a free service for students and staff to buy, sell or trade bikes. It’s located at the western end of L Block, near to the Bikes on Campus shop (which offers bike servicing and repairs). Trading Post is simple — just lock up your bike, put a tag on it with a price and contact details and hope for the best.
CONGRATULATIONS 2015 SCHOLARS
TROUBLE FINDING A PARK? Want to save petrol costs and get access to the best parking spots on campus? Register for RideLink to find other students
More than 40 students from around New Zealand have been awarded a University of Waikato
and staff who live in your area so you can car pool and use
Sir Edmund Hillary scholarship for 2015. The Sir Edmund Hillary Scholarship Programme,
the University’s preferential parking areas. You can advertise
established in 2005, provides recipients with full course fees while they study at Waikato
and search for rides at www.ridelink.waikato.ac.nz. Register at
University, specialist coaching and mentoring, and a personal development and leadership
Security to get your RideLink permit.
programme. At the end of last year, the University also awarded Golden Jubilee School Leavers Scholarships to 10 secondary school students, part of the University’s 50th anniversary. Each student receives up to $40,000 to study at the University of Waikato. Congratulations to all of our 2015 scholarship recipients. 5
NEXUS MAGAZINE Not News
POLITICAL PARTY ADS Last year when we covered the election we noticed a distinct lack of interesting adverts from our political representatives. As an attempt to rectify that Nexus presents you with these royalty free politcial ads. Winston, feel free to use this.
WE ARE PRETTY SURE THESE ARE OUR CANDIDATES BUT WE HAVEN’T ACTUALLY SPOKEN TO ANY OF THEM, ISN’T WINSTON COOL? NOT NEWS
WTF: WAIKATO TIMES FOCUS
RAFFY EXPLAINS IT ALL: A NOT NEW “REALLY NOT NEWS” SPECIAL COMMENTARY
COUNCIL MEETING SHIFT WILL BUILD RELATIONSHIPS Yeah, but shifting the Regional Council to Paeroa means you would have to build relationships with people from Paeroa. Can regional council members even play the banjo?
Bye Bye Jeremy Clarkson!
sacked. Why? He punched a guy who he worked with for not ordering him
‘COOL FUND’ WILL HAVE REGIONAL FOCUS
a steak dinner before the kitchen closed. That is the end of the story.
A 19 million dollar regional slush fund to make the larger Waikato events cooler?
It seems a little early to call, but we think we may have found the least newsworthy story of the year. It’s the only non-cricket story dominating my newsfeed. Apparently Top Gear Presenter Jeremy Clarkson has been
Last week Jules “Crafty” Craft referred to me as Augustus Gloop from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Why? Because I called a little person in
It would take more than that just to make me wanna drive the speed limit through Huntly.
the office an “Oompa Loompa” This is how the loose, non-PC Nexus office works. If I had decided to punch Crafty, and lets be honest, it’s the fight the world wants to see—a super heavy-weight spastic against the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz (in a bucket hat), I’d be fired. Why? Because actions have consequences. Clarkson and the other presenters will be on Netflix in six months making a billion dollars, the BBC gets to look all principled and we get to teach our kids that unless you’re Manny Pacquiao, hitting in the workplace is not cool. This isn’t news, it isn’t really entertaining, and it certainly isn’t cricket. 6
N.05 / V.47
LAKE WEED MAY TURN INTO BIOFUEL I call bullshit. I have been buying my weed from a guy at the Hamilton lake for the last three years. Tried to put it my fuel tank yesterday, nothing! Fuck you, Waikato Times, you misleading bastards.
Sports NEXUS MAGAZINE
SPORTS OPINION
HIGH FIVE
SPORTS PEOPLE WHO DON’T JUST SPORT Conrad Smith Hurricanes and All Blacks center is proof that not all sportsmen are meatheads. Smith completed a LLB(Hons) at Victoria University and has been admitted to the High Court of New Zealand as a barrister and solicitor. Andrei Arshavin The former Arsenal winger has a degree in fashion design and his own line of women’s clothing, ranging from dresses to sportswear.
TELEVISION IS FOR LOSERS
Chris Bosh One of the Miami Heat’s resident
Chris Reive
superstars, Bosh recently launched a business venture called Mr. Nice Tie. Funnily enough, they sell ties.
Today I’d like to take a moment of your time to explain why you should go watch your favourite teams play live. Recently I was in Auckland to watch my boys in the Parramatta Eels get their asses
Juan Mata The Manchester United player has
handed to them by the Warriors. We had a terrible first half and couldn’t recover, but
a degree in journalism, and is now pursuing
that’s beside the point.
qualifications
in
marketing
and
physical
education.
The point of my little anecdote is that although my team lost, I didn’t feel the urge to sulk for the rest of the weekend as I would have if I’d watched it at home. Why? Because nothing beats the atmosphere of live sport. Even though my team lost, I had
Richie McCaw In his spare time, All Blacks Captain
the time of my life.
McCaw flies planes and is an honorary member of
New Zealand crowds are great fun to be a part of for a few reasons. The crowds act as
the Royal New Zealand Air Force.
one especially at a home game. Most of the crowd cheer together, boo together, and tell the referee to check his voicemail together. It’s generally just a fun time. I particularly enjoy the hilarious banter being thrown out toward the pitch — classic kiwi calls along the line of, “oi number 12! Cut the hair, it makes you look shit,” or making the, “all day ref,” call 30 seconds into the game. I suppose the other reason to go to a live game would be to show your support for your boys/girls. A lot of sports people will tell you that they feed off the energy from their home crowds.
SAFE BET Made up odds for real sports Safe Bet: Tottenham to beat Burnley, odds currently unavailable Bit of a Risk: Bulldogs to beat Rabbitohs, $2.48
So basically, go to games or your team will lose and it’ll all be your fault
Long Shot: Tomas Berdych to win the French Open, $51
WE CAN’T BELIEVE THIS SHIT IS ACTUALLY A SPORT: VOL 1 The Finnish Wife Carrying Festival is held annually in Finland in early July, and requires a man to negotiate a 253.5m course while carrying their wife on their back. The course includes various surfaces and getting through dry land and water based obstacles. The prize to the winner is a mobile phone, and more importantly they also win their wife’s weight in beer! Rules • It may seem like just a bit of fun, but there are some official rules that have to be followed. • the ‘wife’ must be over 17 years old. • the ‘wife’ must weigh at least 49 kilograms. • you do not have to be married to the ‘wife’, any suitable female will do. • dropping and bouncing the ‘wife’ incurs a 15 second “fine”.
7
NEXUS MAGAZINE Entertainment
HOROSCOPES
TRENDING ON TWITTER
Aries (March 21 — April 19) Beware of strangers offering you candy. I mean still take
#OFFENDEVERYONEIN4WORDS
the candy because candy is candy. In fact the only thing better than candy is free candy. I guess what we are saying is someone bring us candy. Taurus (April 20 — May 20) People say that freeing one’s conscious mind to possibility creates awareness. This week we say ignore that. The unconscious mind is so much
Stephen Miller @redsteeze · Mar 16 I’d do Michelle Obama #OffendEveryoneIn4Words 1
better. I don’t need awareness, I have monkeys with laser swords fighting on top of flying unicorns. Gemini (May 21 — June 20) It’s not paranoia. Your flatmate is using your toothbrush,
Lord Humungus @DarklyEnlighten · Mar 08 Beautiful & Noble White Race #OffendEveryoneIn4Words #nrx 1
the part you should be worried about is that they aren’t using it for their teeth. Cancer (June 21 — July 22) If the solar system were a prison system, Pluto would be getting its ass traded for cigarettes each week to the highest bidder. This week your goal is simple: be anything you like; just don’t be Pluto. Leo (July 23 — August 22) Zayn is leaving one direction, Clarkson is leaving top gear, bees are leaving the planet. This isn’t so much a horoscope just a list of two of three things you shouldn’t give a fuck about and one you don’t, but should. Virgo (August 23 — September 22) Don’t be the guy who brings Stella to the party. That doesn’t make you cool it just makes dents in the side of someones table. Libra (September 23 — October 22) At Level Zero this week, two — probably stoned
17
1
BroganProductions @BroganART · Mar 02 Black atheist lesbian president. #OffendEveryoneIn4Words 16
46
Jonieblon @jonieblon · Mar 14 My vacation bikini pics #OffendEveryoneIn4Words
Peter Pete @HakubaJ · Mar 14 Drop it Like It’s Hot(dog) #OffendEveryoneIn4Words 1
— guys were playing pool, talking about how the step rail should be made of gold and
1
wanting to remove the knobs so they could grind on it. They also distracted us from seeing what the future holds for you so… Blame them. Scorpio (October 23 — November 21) In the darkest recess of your mind, in places
JUST THE TIP
nagging voice that is actually looking forward to seeing the next Mission Impossible
NEXUS DOES EVIL COSMO
film.
The Penis Colada Insert a large stone fruit into your anus. When your
it wouldn’t be polite to talk about in public, there is a part of you, a small unwavering
partner goes down for a naughty rimming, expel the fruit with enough Sagittatrius (November 22 — December 21) “Sometimes the best thing we can do is admit to ourselves, our friends, and our loved ones, that we were wrong,” you know who said that? Losers said that. Double down, stay the course and forget about the consequences. Winners don’t make mistakes, Winners get BA’s majoring in Drama and Philosophy.
force to blind them. Who Doesn’t Like to Shave As your partner is about to climax, pull out a razor and proceed to shave off your eyebrows whilst chanting the lyrics to Meghan Trainor’s ‘Lips Are Movin’. The Reverse Lady Gaga For foreplay, cover your partner in meat juices
Capricorn (December 22 — January 19) To do what is right, we have to sometimes
and watch them Shiver and Flinch as your cat Fluffy licks it off.
pick the lesser of two evils. At least that’s what the guy at Mediaworks said when he replaced Dora and that malnourished woman in the suit with the blackface guy and the woman no one has heard of. Think about that.
WHAT’S HOT WHAT’S NOT
Aquarius (January 20 — February 18) This is the week where you face up to reality.
What’s Hot
You charge headfirst into the night and you say to yourself, yeah, I’m a virgin, but I
1. Crying after sex.
could also be the best second speaker DebSoc has ever had (This horoscope once
2. Daylight savings. One more hour of sleep! Except it’s teaching
again brought to you by DebSoc).
recess so you’ll be sleeping all day anyway. There is no God. 3. Shameless self promotion.
Pisces (February 19 — March 20) It’s a little known rule, but we are pretty sure that according to the University you are allowed to punch the first person that says, “Did you watch the Bachelor last night?” but only the first person.
What’s Not 1. Crying during sex. 2. Scarves and t-shirts. If it’s not cold enough to constitute a jacket, put the scarf down. This has been a public safety message. 3. John. Rumour has it, he performed fellatio on a turkey. Gobble. Gobble.
8
N.05 / V.47
Entertainment NEXUS MAGAZINE
PLEASE DON’T QUOTE ME
BEATS BY J
“I HATE FAT WHITE AMERICANS” – Azealia Banks
“I THINK THE OVERALL PLAN IS TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.” – Dictator Charli XCX
“LITERALLY TEENAGERS ON METH GET PREGNANT IN TWO SECONDS”
Beats by J
– Kim Kardashian
Kanye West, Theophilus London All Day
“I’M GAY IN MY ART & STRAIGHT IN MY LIFE” – James Franco
A$AP Ferg Doe-Active Grimes, Bleachers Entropy The Avener & Phoebe Killdeer Fade Out Lines Phoebe Ryan Ignition / Do You... (Mashup) Kendrick Lamar King Kunta Syd Youth Mess Around
“I KEEP PLAYING SICK PSYCHOPATH BASTARDS!” – Jamie Dornan on Christian Grey fame
Matoma, The Notorious B.I.G Old Thing Back (feat. Ja Rule and Ralph Tresvant) LuvBug, Talay Riley Resonance Kygo, Parson James Stole the Show Follow nexusmagazine on Spotify
BEST OF THE WEB
9
NEXUS MAGAZINE Left vs Right
FEED THE KIDS BILL The Feed The Kids Bill was recently voted down by National. The bill aimed to provide healthy state-funded breakfasts and lunches for children in decile 1 and 2 schools. LEFT
RIGHT
Recently, in what made for pretty quotidian headlines, the National Party, with
“Feed the kids” is quite possibly the best rallying call for any politician who
the help of David Seymour and Peter Dunne, voted down the Feed The Kids Bill,
wants to come off as anything but a cynical vote grubbing bastard.
61-59. The bill would have mandated the government to provide breakfasts and lunches for kids in decile 1 and 2 schools.
In the last week, the National party has gone against this grain of what could be considered common sense, (and a John Campbell approved way to get
Obviously there’s nothing surprising about the fact that the Right would
lots of votes!) rejecting a bill sponsored by Metiria Tueri that would give free
disinterestedly glance at any provision to take a little edge off growing up poor
breakfasts and lunches to all kids in decile 1-2 kids.
in 21st century New Zealand and stamp a big red “NO” on it. What is most enraging about this latest example is that they’ve also gone in for a half-arsed ‘principled’ justification about their voting decision, rather than just admitting it’s their instincts. Paula Bennett said of the National Party that they, “believe in parental responsibility,” as though any kind of help would make people ‘irresponsible’. Meanwhile, the PM stated, “We should expect parents to feed their children properly.” I guess those parents should lower whatever expectations they might still have of compassion in government. Perhaps most irking of all was David Seymour, who helpfully racialised the issue while trotting out a transparent libertarian, good-cop rhetorical technique, claiming, “from a Māori perspective, top down centralised solutions have never been very good for them.” Some on the Right have pointed to the opt-in, public-private partnership KickStart programme which provides Anchor milk and Weet-Bix to schools, and is good corporate PR to boot.
I’m sorry but feeding the kids is a shit policy in its current form. Even the eternally neoliberal former Labour leader David Shearer was quoted as saying, “I have become convinced that free food solves nothing” as he actually researched a different food in schools bill he was hoping to pass through the house. We already have reasonable systems in place to deliver breakfast and lunches to children in poor communities. Kidscan and St Vincent De Paul provide an incredible service across the country- instead of creating another bureaucratic nightmare we should focus on partnering with these charities. There are also corporates like Fonterra and Sanitarium who donate massive amounts of food to poor communities. Let’s use them to get a win-win, with a bit of positive publicity (and a nice boost to the brand image) while they make a real tangible difference to the community. Realistically any long term solution needs to move from a state or corporate initiative into collective community responsibility. We need to stop patronising poor people by assuming they are helpless and incapable of getting their shit together. Yendarra school in the middle of a decile one community (Otara)
No doubt it’s a welcome intervention, but it’s no substitute for a programme
have taken incredible steps with their food choices. Making choices that include
that wouldn’t depend on big business philanthropy or play into toxic narratives
turning the school into a water only place and making healthy eating cool has
about which school kids deserve what. For a more specific example of what not
changed the entire community for the better. The principal of the school went
to do, see the PM grilling school children in front of their peers about whether
on to mention that the issue with money isn’t so much a lack of it, but rather
they own raincoats or go hungry. That must be what he meant when he
how it’s budgeted.
cynically went on TV claiming this government would deal with child poverty.
If any politicians actually cared about solving this issue they’d look towards the
In reality, the bill was simply a victim of the same thing that’s killing off social
model that places like Yendarra school have taken. Corporations and charities
housing, healthy flats, and decent help for the disabled as you read this, a
have the ambulance at the top of the cliff. The Government should be focussing
pointless, reactive opposition to social provision.
on prevention, instead of fighting to be a relevant cure.
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Reviews NEXUS MAGAZINE
FILM REVIEW
FILM REVIEW
THE SALT OF THE EARTH
CINDERELLA
Richard Swainson
Jared Wooldridge
It is difficult to think of a documentary made in the last decade
Yes, I am a grown man who willingly chose to go sit in a cinema
or so that has as much perspective on recent world history as
and watch the new Cinderella movie. I love Disney, and I love
The Salt of the Earth. This is all the more surprising as the film
fairytales. There, I said it. Being a fan, though, I can safely report
is on its most obvious level a character study of a photographer.
that this new version of the timeless tale is thankfully free of dark
Three different “voices” on Brazilian lens man Sebastiao Salgado
grittiness. There is no retelling the fable from the point-of-view
are heard. Firstly, there is that of the man himself, often speaking
of the villain (bad Maleficent!), no fantasy battles, no huntsmen
directly to camera or literally reflected in his own staggeringly
or dragons, or idiotic stuff like that. There is only magic, mice,
beautiful still images. Secondly, his son Juliano Ribeiro Salgado,
and a happily ever after — and that is the way it is supposed
who grew up with a largely absent father — a consequence of
to be.
Sebastiao’s criss-crossing of the globe whilst on photographic projects. Thirdly, co-director Wim Wenders, the legendary veteran of German New Wave cinema, a long time patron and admirer of Sebastiao’s art.
Given that it is a Disney movie, its success is all down to the princess herself. Lily James is a relative newcomer to the Hollywood scene, but she nails Cinderella. It takes a lot of talent to be that kind, sweet, and innocent for a whole movie.
The blending of the personal and the political is seamless.
Her prince, Richard Madden (who you might recognise as Robb
Salgado’s story is one of his native Brazil and its ideological and
Stark, finally getting the wedding he deserves), also has the
ecological change as well as, more broadly, the horrors of world
same pure heart that she does, and together they manage to
famine and war from the late 1960s until the close of the 20th
convince the audience that yes, two people who have hardly
century. His self-appointed mission was to capture humanity at
known each other can fall in love. But the best member of the
its best and and its worst, bringing both an artist’s eye and an
ensemble has to be Cate Blanchett as the devilishly nasty, but
economist’s brain to the challenge. Photographs of emaciated
still oddly human, stepmother.
bodies from Ethiopia or the machete ravaged victims from Rwanda have heart breaking clarity as does Salgado’s more recent output capturing the glories of nature. This is a tough yet ultimately uplifting work, one of both despair and natural renewal.
Now if you are not a fan of Disney, or a story as sweet as this, then it would be a good idea to steer well clear. It might prove a bit too sentimental for some, but for any other Disney lovers out there, Cinderella does show that Hollywood is not drowning to death in darkness and cynicism.
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NEXUS MAGAZINE Reviews
FOOD REVIEW
APP REVIEW
MEXICO
SNAPCHAT
Caitlin Orton
Melissa Stevens
Before I get started I have to point out that YES, Mexico
Snapchat is an instant messaging app for sending pictures,
Restaurant has cheap prices on their menus, YES their food is
videos and texts: specifically embarrassing and/or funny ones.
pretty darn tasty and YES, it’s only a ten minute drive from the
Snapchat is the third most popular app for millennials, trailing
University. But, for some strange reason, I am not a fan. Sure, I
behind Instagram and Facebook.
love to eat Mexican food, and I make some mean nachos if I do say so myself. However, unless you like tiny portion sizes and really over priced drinks, then I’d suggest trying somewhere else.
The app has gained a reputation as a sexting app because incoming (and outgoing) pictures and videos are not stored or recorded. However, Snapchat has far progressed past just
I understand that the idea of Mexico is to share. But I am not a
sending nudes. With its stories feature, Snapchat now borders
sharing person. Sure I’ll have a taste of whatever my partner’s
the realm of Instagram, with daily updates from people you kind
been served, but no, I won’t give up three quarters of my meal
of know.
just to try somebody else’s choice. I chose my meal and that means I want a decent size. Not four tiny portions that leave me wanting more. I shouldn’t have to order three different meals for twice the price just to get the same size food I could get at a pub. For a plate of quesadillas and a special cocktail my tab is already over thirty dollars and I’m not hugely full after it. Add a starter and a salad to fill you up and suddenly I’m spending the same amount I would for two people at a basic restaurant. There’s a massive buzz around this place but, call me a hipster, I won’t go somewhere just because it’s the “in” place to go. I’m no follower. Unless it’s cult TV.
We all have that one friend who religiously uploads their life to Snapchat with 100+ second stories every day (which jumps to 200+ if they are drinking). As much as I get annoyed with some people’s boring ass stories, I will not be deleting this app anytime soon. The same with any social media app; it can be wonderful if you are friends with the right people. Snapchat has a very easy-to-use-interface with 3 main screens that you swipe left or right to access. The main photo taking screen is the screen the app opens to, which makes it easy to quickly take photos. The app does have a tendency to crash on my phone sometimes but I’m not sure if that is an issue with the app or an issue with my phone. If you don’t already have this app I would highly recommend it. You could win free burgerfuel as well. If only Nexusmag would choose my snaps…
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Reviews NEXUS MAGAZINE
SERIES REVIEW
MUSIC REVIEW
THE OUTLANDER SERIES BY DIANA GABALDON
SUCCESSOR BY ANTHONIE TONNON
Kelsie Morland
Hp
So this week, the book I’m reviewing is a little different. You may
After the demise of the much loved band Tono and the Finance
have heard of the fantastic TV series The Outlander, which was
Company, storytelling machine and singer Anthonie Tonnon hit
adapted from this equally incredible book series. If you haven’t,
the road. He swept off to the States and Australia, performing
get it on Netflix now.
what would eventually evolve into his first solo album, Successor.
The Outlander series begins with Cross Stitch, where we first meet the main protagonist Claire Randall. She’s an Englishwoman who served as a Doctor during WWII and is now celebrating a second honeymoon with her husband Frank
It is an evolution too, taking his idiosyncratic mini-dramas about New Zealand and, this time around, starting to explore people from other places, not too dissimilar from the touring man himself.
Randall in the beautiful town of Inverness, Scotland (HELLO!
The album is a lyricist’s album. Tonnon began in the worlds of
PERFECT SETTING!) Full of raunchy sex scenes and explorations
history and journalism, and so it is not surprising that his songs
of all things wonderfully Scottish, this book will tickle the fancy
sit on foundations built from words and stories. The stories are
of many. But it doesn’t stop there. On a walk exploring a small
wonderful too. Opener, Railway Lines, has a sweet simplicity to
outcrop of stones, Claire is transported back in time to the clan
begin with and stirs up all kinds of feelings of returning home,
wars of Scotland where she meets a rugged, mysterious Scott
“He’s visiting from Australia/he’s come for a cup of tea and to
(who is utterly dreamy... *wipes drool*), leading her to live with
borrow your car” rears up into intra-family arguments. Others,
the reality that she may never return home. Not only is there
like A Friend from Argentina, follow lines that could easily be a
a hot Scott and beautiful countryside, there’s bloody war and
TV mini-series with complex characters with even more complex
battles over land and independence. A book for everyone!
morals.
This book series has been in print for a long time, but in true
Musically, Tonnon has moved away from some of the pop-tinged
celebration of the TV series these books NEED to be read. So
singles that made Tono and the Finance Company as fun to
head to your nearest book supplier then jump on the interwebs
dance to as to listen to, but the ballads seem to suit Tonnon.
and watch The Outlander. You will NOT regret it!
He’s at home with their meandering pace, the use of guitar for rhythm as much as melody, and the extended verses. He seems to be at home too with, well home, keeping that thuk accent of hus whuch Nu Zeulunders love.
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NEXUS MAGAZINE Arts
Barbarians at the Gates Peter Dornauf
religion. Marx’s “opium of the people” couldn’t be more apt. In an age of disorientation, the halt and the lame gravitate toward organisations offering readymade fascist answers which come with a cheap price tag of intolerance. In the mix is a good dollop of paranoia built on an inordinate fear of difference. No breadth, no depth, just surface pathology. Third, these fuckwits are locked into a perverse fantasy whereby sex and death do a little rain dance, mutually masturbating each other. The
Imagine if a moronic crowd like ISIS stormed the British Museum, the Hermitage, the Guggenheim, the Met, and even Te Papa. What would be left? Picassos would be pulverised, Matisses trashed, the Elgin marbles hacked to bits. The requirement of extra security to the doors of these
Kill the infidel then fuck threescore and ten virgins lined up ready by God on your arrival in heaven. This time-warp material could only have been invented by misogynist men with dicks for a brain.
institutions has become an issue in the light of recent terror attacks in
But here’s the tricky part. Sam Harris, writer and academic (The End of
Tunisia’s National Bardo Museum, following the earlier destruction of
Faith: Religion, Terror and the Future of Reason) argues that, in reality,
art and artefact in Mosul by religious assassins.
it is the Muslim moderates, themselves fundamentalists, albeit peace
What kind of philistines are we dealing with here?
loving, who provide cover for the fanatics by offering an atmosphere in which extremism can first breed. If you believe that your prophet,
First, their ignorance is stupefying. It’s not surprising given that high
in speaking of ‘idolaters’ instructs you to literally, “Slay them wherever
numbers of ISIS followers are criminals and school drop-outs. Multiply
you find them,” which is supported by the Hadith claiming, “Paradise
the school dunce a thousand times and a certain picture starts
is in the shadow of swords,” then perhaps Harris has a point. His claim
to emerge. Now I know Jihad John, aka Mohammed Emwazi, was
might be a hard call, like saying Einstein is to blame for Hiroshima, but
university educated, but unfortunately that’s no guarantee these days
I have yet to hear howls of condemnation from our moderate Muslim
of a well-rounded enlightened intelligence in an age of specialisation.
community about the trashing of heritage sites in Mosul, the bulldozing
One can complete a degree in law, commerce, computer science et al.
of the historic city of Hatra, or the destruction at Nimrud.
and not have the faintest idea about art, literature, history, philosophy, religion, film, music, theatre; all the things that help drag us up out of the slime. The second reason for the terrorist iconoclastic impulse by ISIS is that they’re drunk on a particularly nasty brand of fundamentalist
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death cult is simultaneously the sex cult. Freud would have a field day.
N.05 / V.47
The murder of tourists and the destruction of art and artefact by radical extremists need to be roundly denounced by the civilized world, ordinary Muslims and Mullah alike.
Auteur NEXUS MAGAZINE
We’ll Miss You, Albert Maysles
wittier version of A Hard Day’s Night, especially a sequence which sees
Richard Swainson
folk rather than celebrities or rock stars. It also erases all traces of the
some fanatical fans break into The Beatles’ hotel, looking for nothing but autographs. Salesman is atypical in the Maysles canon in that it deals with everyday camera, employing a ‘fly on the wall’ technique. Four desperate, amoral bible salesmen ply their trade, giving no indication of personal belief. As depressing as it is eye opening, Salesman offers fascinating insights into
The world lost one of its great documentarians when Albert Maysles
the place of religion in American society.
died suddenly on the 5th of March. He was 88 years old and working
Gimme Shelter is even more celebrated. Documenting the Rolling
on his latest film at the time. Maysles’ career began in 1955 with a short
Stones’ infamous 1969 concert at Altamont, it’s less a rock film than
about psychiatry in Russia and concluded with a penultimate release,
an examination of a murder. The Maysles confront various members of
Iris, a profile of fashion icon Iris Apfel, which debuted late last year.
the band with evidence of a front row stabbing that took place during
Maysles always worked in collaboration with others, primarily his
the show.
brother David, who died in 1987. The Maysles were the prime exponents
Grey Gardens is truer still to the tenets of Direct Cinema. Virtually living
of ‘Direct Cinema’, a school of documentary that sought to capture
with their subjects, the Maysles uncover all the dirty, squalid secrets
reality in a more honest and straightforward manner than had hitherto
of two relatives of Jacqueline Kennedy who have fallen on hard times,
been the case, often making obvious the presence of the camera in
sharing an increasingly decaying mansion with a multitude of cats and
any given situation, stressing that observation of an event inherently
at least one raccoon. A sad yet fabulous character study of uniquely
changes it. In perhaps their first great film, What’s Happening! The
deluded eccentrics, Grey Gardens is a masterpiece of its type.
Beatles in the USA, later released on DVD as The Beatles: The First US Visit, the viewer never forgets that there’s a camera crew following John, Paul, George and Ringo around. The results play like a grittier,
Auteur House stocks a wide range of Maysles films, including most mentioned above.
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NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature
HOW DO I ADULT? Victor Alexeyev
Victor describes himself as a “wannabe scientist, traveller, collector, late night relational break up poet, photographer, social critic, philosopher, hooligan et al.” Even with all this, Victor still struggles with also having to be an adult. I go to my favorite hot dog stand And the dude says, “You come here all the time! Here’s one for free.” I said, “Man! What I look like? A charity case? I took it and threw it on the ground! I don’t need your handouts! I’m an adult! You can’t buy me hot dog man! – The Lonely Island, ‘Threw it on the Ground’ When I was a young sprat, before I started sprouting peach
When does one become an adult? And, how do you know when/if you’ve become an adult? As I grew older (18ish), these questions rattled around in my head. Mostly, because I’d look at your typical adult and realise I couldn’t picture this person as a child, or as a teenager, or even as a young adult. They were all missing something very, very important. Something that children/teenagers/young adults have, that a lot of adults lose somewhere along the way. Maybe it’s naivety, maybe it’s pimples. I don’t know.
fuzz, while I was immune and ignorant to the invisible and
I have spent the good part of eight years trying to figure
inexhaustible powers of a woman’s beauty, I would watch
out what this thing is. I’m closer to understanding what it is
adults very, very carefully. I know I am not alone in this. It
but I’m not completely there yet. This heavy thinking takes
is a common practice of young children and it goes mostly
time, Dog!
unnoticed. I came to a rather strong conclusion that I never wanted to grow up. Specifically, I never wanted to be this thing called an adult.
16
What is an adult?
It often requires scaling some insane metaphorical mountain to get to a metaphorical shrine, that’s metaphorically dangling on the edge of a metaphorical 10,000-foot drop.
Ask yourself:
Here you — metaphorically — sit denying your body of its
Do you feel like an adult?
daily needs, day after day, until you starve out this ‘something’
N.05 / V.47
Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE
that you’re missing. You just gotta hope you don’t die before it comes out of its hiding place. Alternatively, you could just smoke a shit load of drugs, in the safe confines of your disgusting flat, while watching a 1998 windows media player visualization. In all seriousness, what are some adults missing? What has happened to them? I know at some point in their life they‘ve been kicked in the balls or in the uterus by a schoolyard bully. A lot of them have found it hard to recover from the stomach pains. That bully is life. I’m talking about that time you believed in predestined love. That girl you’ve had a crush on since seventh form and that time you found the courage to tell her and she laughed at you and looked at you in disgust. That girl you think about for the next ten years. That girl you try to see in every other girl that’s not her. Where did YOU go wrong!? It’s all YOUR fault! If only YOU weren’t such a dork and looked more like Brad. Now you’ve settled for one-night stands and surface level sex. Swoosh! Kick to the balls! I’m talking about that time you sacrificed countless hours, days, nights, and trips to the beach to get that ‘A’ in art history. Only to find you’re never going to land a job in the
stuck working at your local café, making thousands of extra-hot-trimsoy-mochachai-vanillalattes with a dash of cold milk on the side.
real world that needs someone with an art history degree. And even when/if you do find such a job exists, your degree has given you such a false sense of royalty and expectation that you can’t for the life of you understand why of the 5,627 people who applied for that job, it wasn’t you that landed it. Now you’ve found yourself for the last two years, stuck working at your local café, making thousands of extra-hottrim-soy-mocha-chai-vanilla-lattes with a dash of cold milk on the side. Double cupped!? Did you put two sugars in!? I definitely asked for two sugars! Swoosh! A kick to the uterus! I used to look forward to growing up, so that I could stay up till 9PM. Now I’m staying up till 1AM just to get half my shit done. There is a reason why your mother demands rights to the TV when Coronation Street is on — that might be all she gets for herself.
smashes into your car. It’s a write off. Swoosh! A kick to the balls/uterus! Wasn’t it only yesterday your palms were sweating as you sat your learners, looking forward to a life of transportational freedom? You’re growing up, son! You’re finding out that modern day freedom, AKA
The kinda life that happens to you beyond high school and
adulthood, has many leashes: financial, social, relational,
beyond university.
homeownership, career etcetera.
The kinda life that steals your innocence; burns your dreams
Our child-like innocence, our hope, our dreams, our beliefs,
to the ground. Swoosh! A kick to the balls!
our sense of adventure, our awe and wonder, our wildest
The life of paying an endless trail of bills. Car registrations fees have gone up another $50 this year! The bill Artwork: Ashleigh Matthews
Somehow, you find the money and a week later some tosser
always arrives when your accounts are at their ugliest.
imagination, and our silly sides are ALWAYS at the verge of being brought out by a man in a hot dog suit. We need to learn to throw more things to the ground.
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Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE
RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE: UNTUCKED Resident Gay
Rupaul’s Drag Race is Resident Gays absolute favourite show. If this feature doesn’t convince you to start watching it, you’re probably boring. Or homophobic. There’s no better reality than a reality where men dress up as
inbred Kardashian tween. When she first struts into the
women and compete for $100,000 and a “sickly” supply of
competition, it is a premium entrance of epic proportion.
cosmetics. There just isn’t. Rupaul’s Drag Race is the peak of
This was probably mostly due to editing but nevertheless,
televised civilisation; more revolutionary than Fear Factor’s
the gay crows will squawk in favour of this moment until they
rat smoothie, and more heartfelt than the seeping ginger
can squawk no more.
penises of Embarrassing Bodies.
All you need to picture is an older Jamaican man wearing
dystopian futuristic society, not unlike the Hunger Games.
knee high boots, with a long necked alien face called Ornacia
In this society, two men are chosen at random from each
straddling his head. Both sets of eyes carry intense religious
country and forced to compete in a drag competition to
stares that make you question the threads of fate that have
maintain social order. This is more or less the premise of
led to you reading this. I do not know why artificial second
RuPaul’s Drag Race. So, loosen up your panties y’all and
heads are not a public trend, but they should be.
prepare to delete your browsing history in 10 minutes.
8. Laganja Estranja’s Shit Storm
On your quest to becoming obsessed with this show, you
Blurring the lines between confidence and the bane of
will need to skip to Season 6 and never look back. In truth,
everyone’s existence, Leganja Estranja’s emotional ‘everyone
this is the only complete season that has a sufficient amount
is attacking me!’ moment is super dramatic and what reality
of interesting people in it, but more importantly, it is recent
TV was born for. There is a ruthless beauty in enticing people
enough so that the resolution is watchable. If you have the
to enter high-stress filmed scenarios, and then publicly
attention span of a first year management student, worry
broadcasting the most self-destructing moments that ensue
not. For you my loves, I shall break it down into the top
when people snap and lose their shit. All hail voyeurism.
10 dragtastic moments of Rupaul’s Drag Race Season 6 onwards.
Artwork: Jessamy Topping
9. Vivacious’ Ornacia
All I ever wanted for Christmas was for there to exist a
7. Snatch Game Like most of the show’s challenges, this game of celebrity
10. Gia Gunn’s Entrance
drag impersonation is religiously repeated every season.
This Asian queen is host to one of the most annoying
Fans love it despite its usual flops. However, the impression
voices of all time, accompanied with the personality of an
of Anna Nicole Smith by Adore Delano was iconic and
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NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature
we’re drag queens in a competition, the only thing worse is fucking prison! perfect and everything the game needed. You can only
“we’re drag queens in a competition, the only thing worse
watch to understand its slurred drunken glory.
is fucking prison!”
6. Lip Sync Double Death Drop
3. Adore Delano
When in the bottom two, what does a gay cross-dresser do
Adore Delano is the breakout slutty sweetheart that is a
best? “Lip sync, FOR YOUR LIFE!!” Arguably the best part
lovably ditsy version of Ke$ha with a penis. Many viewers
of the show, lip syncs are where the slut drops, gymnastics,
pretended to like her music after the show. You can pretend
and sex faces come out to play. In Laganja’s elimination sync,
too—it’s on Spotify.
the two queens simultaneously jumped into a pussy splitting drop to the climactic beat of P!nk’s Stupid Girls. Laganja ironically got sent home because the bitch was stupid.
Courtney Act is the most beautiful woman on the planet and is so convincing you will forget she is a man by nature.
5. Reading
She is the definition of penis confusion and could land the
‘Reading’ is a gay term for an acceptable form of bullying.
straightest of men with her penis tucked away into oblivion.
It targets a rival’s biggest perceived flaws and makes fun of
Her outfits were the best the show had ever seen, but her
them in the kind-hearted spirit of being a relentless mean
ex-Australian idol voice touched me in the wrong way. I don’t
bitch. One does not get offended during a read and must
know why. Maybe because Australians sound inbred. If you
laugh it off.
do anything today, Google Courtney Act and rub it out.
Examples:
1. S07E02
“She’s so gay even her ass has a lisp.”
I wasn’t feeling the new season until episode two, which
*speaks Chinese* “You have a dog face. Your body is HUGE,”
opened my eyes to the perfection of Katja and her lip-
*in English* “Get my gist?”
syncing. Not only was the Olivia Newton-John song, Twist
“You won the challenge, you can take the chicken mask off
of Fate, the best thing I’d ever heard, but when this queen
now.”
did a slow and gradual split along to the song’s breakdown,
“You’re such a fat slut, after sex you smoke hams.”
topped with a heavenly sex face, I knew I was in love once
4. Bianca Del Rio
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2. Courtney Act
more.
The ultimate winner of Season 6 was this hilarious drag
This has been your salvation. Now go watch Rupaul’s Drag
queen. Her real talking and relatable criticisms were a hit
Race; the show that single-handedly validates the genre that
with one liners like, “beauty fades, dumb is forevah,” and,
is reality TV.
N.05 / V.47
Hakinakina 2015 Date:
1 April 2015
Time:
1-3pm
Where: The Touch and Netball Courts by the Don Rules:
Knock out
Nau mai – Haere Mai All Faculties!
Alternative Venue: The Uni Gym
To register: Contact your Faculty Maori Coordinator
Our sports are Touch, Netball and Tug–of-War
Mâori @ Waikato
NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature
MYTHS ARE REALITIES AND REALITIES ARE MYTHS: SO, WHAT’S REALLY REAL? Emma Nygard
Have you ever watched an episode of The Walking Dead and wondered what you’d do in a situation like that? Of course you have. For one thing, I’d definitely be all over Darryl Dixon, and secondly I’d totally accept my newfound role as Badass Bitch. However, we still live in a world of rules and social obligations, so here I am; mousey little girl, covered in freckles, propped up under her purple flower blanky. But imagine waking up and finding yourself in an apocalyptic scenario, much like Rick Grimes, and then think about what you know of reality, and how it will affect your existence. While on the topic of zombies and other fantastic creatures, it’s also interesting to consider what myths might be true... Or true-ish. What’s really real in this world and what’s mere myth? I
death (never really going to change is it?). These are the
find this a tough concept to wrap my brain around, so I like
constant things in the world that we have very little control
to imagine that I’m a survivor in what I believe is the best
or influence over, and in saying that I’d like to throw emotions
show ever, The Walking Dead. If you don’t know the show,
in there as another example of physical reality. Emotions like
a) what the fuck dude, and b) it’s a world in which zombies
love, pain, fear; they are often things we have no control over,
run rampant and your favourite characters get killed off by
and are with us regardless of the choices we make.
heartless writers. The story follows a group of people who have learnt to rely only on things that will keep them alive. There are two interconnected realities always at play, but their fucked up world consists of the physical reality.
22
Then there’s social reality, which is just a socially constructed truth, a veil which over time that we have adopted to add — I don’t know — depth or meaning to our existence. So any form of achievement (awards, occupations, ownership, titles,
Physical reality is basically what it sounds like, the physical
university degrees) is a social reality. Money (which would
stuff. The natural environment (earth, moon, stars, water,
have no value in a zombie apocalypse) and marriage (merely
human anatomy), time (aging and evolution) and life and
a social construct we created to get a firm grasp of what love
N.05 / V.47
Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE
Whether you choose to believe it or not, there is a huge amount of evidence of an ancient gigantuous lizard...
is). Then there’s law, which has no place in an apocalyptic
the Komodo Dragon, evidence of the Megalania has been
world. A police badge has absolutely no power in The
recorded and, through archeological discoveries of paintings
Walking Dead, because that version of the world has been
and fossils, documented. There are similar ‘truths’ to other
stripped of these social realities. Basically you can murder
mythological creatures and events, including hobbits (yes,
whoever you want, for whatever reason, and no one will stop
hobbits), the Kraken (or rather Colossal Squid), Amazon
you on legal grounds. Perfect.
women, Dire wolf (I shit you not), and other ridiculousness.
All of these things we put in place to create a sense of order
So basically, there are many ‘myths’ that are wrapped
in our lives, are only powerful because we believe they are.
rather snugly in fairytale, but are derived from or share
Once we are forced to throw away all the materialistic and
similarities with real history. You could spend hours, like I
evidently meaningless ideas we have invented and, for so
have, uncovering small bread crumbs of truth in stories that
long clung to, we see this interconnectedness of realities,
you once thought were folklore, but if you do that then you’ll
and understand that this socially constructed reality is a
never get shit done. Depending on how open-minded you’re
myth. Or some shit.
feeling at the moment, we can acknowledge the fact that,
Straying a moment from The Walking Dead (unfortunately),
Artwork: Johnny Ryan
it’s quite interesting to note that, just as there is a reality that
a) there are realities that are myth, and b) there are myths that are realities.
is a myth, there are also myths that are realities. For instance,
Personally, I’d like to believe that we are not confined
stories of dragons are absolutely fantastic, so fantastic they
to a reality of social constraints, and also that there is a
could never be real. And that may be the case, but certainly
semblance of truth to all of the enchanting stories I read
there might be a shred of truth embedded in these mystical
when I was younger. Then again, I’d also like to believe I know
tales. Whether you choose to believe it or not, there is a
what the fuck I’m talking about, but at the end of the day,
huge amount of evidence of an ancient gigantuous lizard
these are just the ramblings of a freckly girl, with too much
(the Megalania) having terrorized Aboriginals. A relative of
to say, whose downed far too much coffee.
23
NEXUS MAGAZINE Your Space
Shangri-La: Vacancy Shangri-La is a mystical and harmonious lifestyle block that acts as both a living quarters and a gentle lamasery enclosed in the western end of the Snead Place Mountains. Upon stepping through the doorway, you are enriched with a sense of peace and serenity. Kitchen taps run with clean mineral water while the fridge buzzes with the excitement of fresh meat and vegetables. Within these walls you will find Buddha Craft tasting the sharp tang of enlightenment and shutting himself off from the trivial external pains of the world. Here too lies MariammaGrant, the goddess of medicine and saviour of all those with boo-boos. In the outside rooms live Babas Isaac and Morley. With two separate shrines, one dedicated to the lord of obstacle removal, Ganesh, and the other to the tree lord, Mull, you are instantaneously transported into the world of higher beings. When Baba Isaac is not at the gym, he spends his time playing keyboard and serenading nymphs with his guitar. Meanwhile, Baba Morley welcomes all worshippers who bring fruitful donations. DO YOU LIKE THE SOUND OF THIS?? Good news!! Shangri-La has a room vacancy that needs to be filled! Due to the wrong astrological predictions the four deities have found themselves a flatmate short. For only $100 a week (including power and internet!) you too could be living in this spiritual epicentre. The deities are very chill, relaxed, outgoing people who like adventure and a good time. They are preferably looking for another goddess to complete their Pantheon, however, gods may apply also. Send ya enquiries to Julesboooy@hotmail. com and Make your flat prayers come true!
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N.05 / V.47
Photography: Kale Isaac
Your Space NEXUS MAGAZINE
25
NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns
CONFESSIONS OF JAMES BRODIE
Beautiful, Dangerous. James Brodie
Personally, I LOVE to go into the cafés and have a frappe or a small bowl of curly fries or something. Most of these shops LOVE to give food to me. They also LOVE green stuff (cash, NOT WASABI). This mutual love of food we all have is almost like chocolates. You intend to eat the one piece, but you end up eating the whole bar (or spend whatever moneys you have left on food and other stuff). Speaking of chocolate… I LOVE sugar. Forget the town, SUGAR guarantees a wild night in (or out,
James is one of the few individuals who began on the far end of the Autism spectrum to actually acquire the ability to function quite normally in society. Get inside of his head. Well… this has been a beautifully dangerous semester so far hasn’t it? It’s all been quite a bit to take in, but man does that Berocca work well? (Thanks random guy from The Edge).
depending on who/where you are). And it’s a lot better than staying locked up in your dorm or flat writing your next song or finishing that assignment that’s due in approximately one hour (if that’s the case, why are you still reading this?). Also, sugar is a lot better for you than that what-cha-ma-callit stuff that kids in town frequently love to drink that would automatically win me a FREE RIDE in the ambulance. Sugar is less
I see university as a tropical jungle—except replace the tigers
manipulative, a lot less painful, can make you feel great. And yeah,
that would normally rip you to shreds with really expensive cafés.
sure — it’ll make your head spin. But thank god that you went and
There are normally so many things to see, do, and eat. Sometimes
got Berocca off that guy from The Edge during O-Week.
I get this fascinating poetic vision of BNZ credit cards growing wings, breaking out of this jail we call a wallet, and flying high into a window in the skies. Then Elmer Fudd comes along and shoots it with his really demented shotgun, leaving any cash that’s left up there to come flying down into the lake, making the ducks really rich (as if they know what money is).
Now, if you will please excuse me, I have to run outside with my mother’s old broom and tell this stray cat lurking around to get off the lawn, and then it’s back to work on something else. I will check in next week for more amusing confessions. Bye for now.
SHE’S ABROAD
A Good Bitch?
The word cunt is not well reciprocated in the states. Like, at all. In
Rebecca Pollard
The only times I ever actually heard someone say it, before I came
fact, it’s highly offensive.
here, it was always either preluded with or followed by an apology for the use of such a foul word. But here people are actually under the impression that calling someone a “GC” is a compliment, one The first time I heard “sweet as” was from a dude at the airport. I thought he was saying “sweet ass.” I was taken aback, a little insulted, and a lot confused. We weren’t talking about my ass at
compliment — even when said with the highest of intentions. However, I can for sure get use to some of the other slang! I think
I smelled and looked like shit. There was no way in hell he was
“uni” is genius. I have no idea why we call university “college”
hitting on me.
in the states; uni makes so much more sense and is the cutest nickname for university ever!
so I let it go. But then he said it again… And again. “Uh, are you
I also love how “algood” is socially accepted as being one word.
saying ass or as?” And then he laughed at me! OF COURSE he
It’s more concise and gets to the point better than “that’s alright!”
was saying “as”, why would he be saying ass? That was my nice
or “no problem!” My favourite so far though is “good on ya,” which
welcome to New Zealand. In fairness to me, you kiwis have some
I think could be said separately (as in three words) or together
pretty weird slang.
as “go-on-ya” — but I’m not positive. Either way, it’s an adorable
I wonder if there is any other society in the world where “good cunt” or “good bitch” would actually be taken as a compliment.
N.05 / V.47
with the Americans). I don’t think I’ll ever take “good bitch” as a
all. I wasn’t even standing. I just got off a 12 hour plane ride and
It didn’t even make sense in the context of the conversation at all,
26
of the highest compliments even (unless that’s just Kiwis messing
saying and sounds much more genuine than “good for you” does. In any case I love learning the lingo of you crazy Kiwis… Cheers!
Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE
AUNTY SLUT
“...THEY KINDA HANG CLOSE TO HIS BUM, AND EVERYONE KNOWS FARTS COME FROM THERE AND THAT’S JUST YUCKY.”
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow Aunty Slut
waxing, exfoliating, shaving, dieting, tanning, moisturising, anal bleaching — the list goes on — to achieve the socially acceptable level of womanliness he sees on porntube (aside, I also don’t know any woman who likes getting cum in her eye). ‘Femininity’ is a bullshit construction in the same way ‘masculinity’ is a bullshit construction. Everyone knows that all men are not going to be six feet tall with a six pack of delicious abs and a strong manly chin. But it seems that not everyone knows that women (as NORMAL sexually mature humans) are supposed to have pubic hair.
Dear Aunty Slut, My boyfriend hates my pubic hair. He talks about how ugly and dirty it is, and he won’t go down on me unless I take it all off. I shaved but now he’s complaining about the fact that it gets spiky and he’s told me to wax it. I don’t want to but he won’t drop it, even though he doesn’t do any manscaping at all! Fluffy Front Bum
The next time he says anything about your pubes, tell him you’ll wax if he will. It could be your next super fun date night adventure! Perhaps the searing pain of a wax strip being pulled from his balls (and the resulting angry ingrowns) will be enough to demonstrate that pubic hair removal is not all fun and games, and he should stop being a giant fucktard. If he’s still whining like a child, tell him that you will not be having
Dear Fluffy Front Bum Sounds like you’ve found yourself a female hair fascist! Luckily for you, these guys can usually be defeated using common sense, humour, and the occasional reality check. The most important thing to remember is: never change your body for anyone but yourself. Some people don’t like pubic hair and everyone is entitled to their preference (I for one prefer a little fluff on top so I don’t feel like I’m fucking a prepubescent child, to each their own). But people are not entitled to force their preconceived notions of what is and isn’t appropriate onto other people. Make sure he realises that the ‘femininity’ he sees in magazines and porn isn’t exactly natural. It takes a fuck-ton of plucking,
any sex with him unless he grows a delicious beard. It must be full and luscious instantly, it may not be scraggly and sparse, even for a moment. He must also sort out his monobrow, wax his chest, and start working out so his body isn’t too ‘feminine’ for you. You will also not be touching his balls until he shaves them, because ew, pubes. Also, they kinda hang close to his bum, and everyone knows farts come from there and that’s just yucky. If he thinks this is unfair and can’t see why, then this sandbox genius is nowhere near smart enough to be dating someone as hella clever and sexy as yourself. Fuck social constructions! Down with the patriarchy! More uninhibited sex for all! Love, Aunty Slut Send your sexy sex questions to auntyslut@nexusmag.co.nz
27
NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns
THE SINGLE LIFE
“ONE TIME I WAS SO DRUNK I ACTUALLY CONFUSED THE TWO AND THOUGHT I WAS GETTING WITH THE RIGHT ONE.”
Four Times I’ve Cock-Blocked Myself Emma Nygard
1. Basically, unless it’s O-Week, don’t do pingers on a week night. Especially not at an intimate gathering of friends, where everybody else is, at most, moderately tipsy. Because like me, you will spend the entirety of the night rolling around on the floor making everybody else uncomfortable and then, if by some miracle, you manage to convince someone to stay — you will spend the whole night talking AT them. There will be no sex because you will fall asleep as soon as you’ve come down and finish talking about Dracula and Edgar Alan Poe (thanks ENGL321). 2. Every time a hot guy has come up and offered to buy me a
My friends, family, and almost everybody I meet are aware that
drink at the bar, ok that has never happened. But whenever
I have this insatiable need to complain. I complain about the
a mediocre looking guy in a drop-tail federation top has
weather, I complain about uni and work, I complain about having
attempted to put his hand up my skirt in the Outback, well — if
to walk 5 minutes to get class. You name it, I’ll complain about it.
I hadn’t cock-blocked myself — I may have just landed myself
Most of my conversations revolve around me one-sidedly whinging about something, which may or may not be a contributing factor
3. That time I got with the wrong guy ultimately cock-blocked
in why I never get invited out. But the worst thing about my
me with the right guy. This has happened on more than one
addiction to nagging is that I never take accountability for my own
occasion. One time I was so drunk I actually confused the two
actions. The whole reason I have this column is to moan about my
and thought I was getting with the right one. The moral of the
inability to get laid.
story? No matter how broke you are don’t scull that bottle of
Luckily, I endured some kind of drunken epiphany over the
N.05 / V.47
wine that’s been sitting in your Nan’s cupboard for half your life.
weekend: I am my own biggest cock-block! So instead of
4. Every time I’ve come home from town and my vibrator has
complaining and passing the blame to some innocent party, I am
seemed more appealing than putting in some effort to talk to
going to own up.
someone.
Hopefully my confessions will encourage other people to
So go forth, my new enlightened friend — spread the love (and
realise the only person stopping you from being a sex-crazed
your legs) if you feel that way inclined!
nymphomaniac is yourself!
28
with a disease, of the sexually transmitted variety.
Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE
ALC 101
“#IWOKEUPLIKETHIS #TRAJCHIC #POSTGLAMCHIC #HUNGLIKEAHORSE”
Lesson Four: The Hangover Drunk Professor
Settle Your Puku Sachets of ‘Hangover Cure’ are being stocked at liquor stores all over the show. The contents seem to be a combination of vitamins and ginger root. Bundaberg is one of the only brands with ginger root and is great for settling your gurgling belly. Try and swallow some toast, if it comes straight back up then stick to liquid. A+ beverages include Berocca, blue Powerade, orange juice, and leftover flat mixers.
During the Industrial Revolution, in response to urbanisation, London streets were littered with displaced, drunken men. Today drinking is gender inclusive, with women having joined men in the age old tradition of public alcohol consumption. The result of this particular form of entertainment within the context of student culture is, more often than not, a hangover. Hangovers affect an individual’s ability to participate in public activities. This micro-
Dull the Pain Slosh down some paracetamol-codeine tablets with a litre of fresh water. Rinse and repeat as recommended by the packaging. If your skull is still splitting as if it’s made of shifting tectonic plates, then follow up with ibuprofen. Don’t waste your money on brand name painkillers, request a prescription next time you’re at the Doc, or just buy the cheapies from Pac ‘n Save.
level experience impacts on society at large by providing “family
Avoid the Hangover Altogether
friendly” mornings during weekends while students lurk indoors
They spout this shit in year ten Health, “Drink one water for every
to tend to their hangover.
standard drink you consume.” As lame as it sounds, they’re not too
With a mouth like an ashtray, a head spinning like a top, and a dragging feeling of regret pulling you down, how do you fight
far from the truth. Keep yourself hydrated, don’t smoke like a train, and swallow some carbs before you sleep.
through the agony of a hangover without wasting too much of
Take a Selfie
your day sleeping and crying? Drunk Professor, speaking from
Send your Snapchat to nexusmag, Instagram us @nexusmag
extensive research, offers the following remedies.
or share your antics with us on Facebook. #IWokeUpLikeThis
Hair of the Dog
#TrajChic #PostGlamChic #HungLikeAHorse
This term originated in the late 1800s. People considered placing
When we return, Drunk Professor will walk you through the
literal dog-hair on a wound from the assailing dog as an acceptable
quagmire that is drunk texting.
cure for a bite. Whoever applied this fallacious concept to alcohol is a fuck-knuckle. In no world does pouring more poison down your throat improve your condition.
29
NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns
A FASHIONABLE LIFESTYLE
“YOU HAVE 99 PROBLEMS, AND AN STI IS ONE.”
What Your Favourite Store Says About You
Recycle Boutique Hamilton East You were a douchebag in high
Jess Wilson
you could easily be twins!
school, but now you’re kind of cool. Congrats on dressing well. Recycle Boutique, hmu I need new clothes but am low on the $$$. Glassons You watch The Bachelor NZ and often cry after eating an entire packet of Tim Tams. MAC is your favourite brand of makeup, it’s just a shame it’s so expensive. Your mother is like your sister —
Crate You have good taste in clothing. Some say you have the wandering eye, whereas you just think you’re a promiscuous homosexual. Jay Jays You’re either a 14 year old or hang out with people inappropriately younger than you. You like to brag about your depression and/or bipolar disorder. Garden Place is your favourite place—only just ahead of the Burger King next to Kmart. Hallensteins Your mother buys your clothes. You lost your virginity at an embarrassingly old age. Suprè You offered anal sex to your first boyfriend and have the contraceptive injection. You think boy racers are hot and want to get your hips pierced, even though they will reject — just like your shitty dermals. Live, laugh, love… Am I right? Cotton On You’re not pretentious about fashion and know the value of a decent t-shirt. You probably vote National, even though you’re on minimum wage.
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N.05 / V.47
Backdoor Centre Place This is your favourite place to shop for club-wear. Bar 101 and The Outback are your locations of choice. Smirnoff is next to holiness. You have 99 problems, and an STI is one. Backdoor Worley Place You’re probably a cool dude. The White Room Ward Street You’ve gone on every diet imaginable, but you still won’t go to the gym. You have average self-esteem but still believe you’re some sort of enigma. Late at night, this illusion generally comes crashing down and you wallow in your self-pity whilst listening to the post-dubstep-electronicadowntempo rhythms of James Blake. Topshop Auckland Do you even fashion? Yes, yes you do. You’re proud of yourself for knowing who Karl Lagerfeld is and you often
Factorie You probably don’t have much going for you, but that’s
post an #ootd. You think spending $300 on a dress that’s made
okay. We can’t all be over-achievers.
with slave labour is an investment. You are a terrible person.
Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE
CARNAGE
“...WHY THE FUCK IS BILL GATES SO FUCKING RICH WHEN I’LL BE MORE “QUALIFIED” THAN HIM AT THE END OF THE YEAR?”
Learning Your Craft Jules Craft
• Why did I have an imagination when I was four years old but at twenty when I try to be imaginative I feel like I’m not doing it right? Ffs its imagination no one is meant to do it right. • Why did I only ever have one or two inspiring teachers? Ones with energy, enthusiasm, and the desire to engage my brain rather than dangle the omnipresence of “grade” in front of me. Surely it couldn’t be that grades at the end of the year are more important than the learning process? • Talking about grades, how come even though I did really
Have you ever wondered why education sometimes sucks? Like genuinely pondered on the fact that although everything and everyone in our society tells you how important it is it just doesn’t seem to always blow your whistle. Well it’s because you’re a lazy incompetent fuck who isn’t trying hard enough.
well in year 13 English when my boss asked me to write up a simple summary of the business’s actions over the past week I freaked out? I mean gosh where are the four business summary questions and the four answers I memorized for this test? • Why, when I learn to fix the hole in the wall that I punched, or learn to stop the tap leaking with some hemp string, don’t I
At least that is what you’re lead to believe, but have you ever
really feel like it’s of any value? I mean, sure, that could save me
thought that maybe there are better ways to learn? Being at
a lot of money in the future and I’ll probably use it more times
university means you are most likely either the lucky “Born
than I use Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, but that doesn’t fit with
Genius” or the “Hard Working Individual”. Either way you could do what it takes to get through the system... but is it the right system? This is probably where I should tell you I’ve been doing sociology readings and watching YouTube clips on education such as ‘Changing Paradigms – RSA.’ I really don’t feel qualified enough, nor do I have to word count to explain everything. So, instead of giving explanations, I’m going to give questions for you to answer, or not answer. • Why do I feel inadequate to comment on my own education? I mean education consists of two halves: the system, and myself.
my four year business degree so it can’t be of any value. • Lastly, why the fuck is Bill Gates so fucking rich when I’ll be more “qualified” than him at the end of the year? Surely it’s not because the real world is a little more different to what they teach you and surely it’s not because the real world doesn’t grade you out of 100, but by being able to solve multiple problems on your toes across many different fields using critical thinking. Surely not? If any of these questions tickled ya pickle, I suggest you check out that YouTube clip and the concept of divergent thinking.
Yet no one seems to want to get my expert knowledge on what
Peace and Pout
I like/what is good for me.
Crafty x
31
NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns
THE WEEKLY GRIND
“HIS BUTT IS FIRM. YOU ARE JEALOUS OF HIS BUTT.”
Love Thy Gay Resident Gay
but this idea of conforming to an accepted version or style of gay behaviour still irks me. If someone wants to don ‘female’ classified clothing, or wear pink, or prance around to the beat of Ariana’s ‘Problem’, let them. Preferably without a resting bitch face and disgusted demeanour. Femininity is not the spawn of the devil in men. Be metro, be multi-faceted, be comfortable, be you. There is this common image of a gay being synonymous with ‘pansy’ and ‘poofter’. I’m not necessarily trying to disprove
Gay means sad this week because I feel like the little implications
that a number of gay people might associate with these traits,
of people’s prejudice (however minute) is enough to kill my buzz.
but the key fact is that not ALL of them (gay or questioning or
Growing up gay, my number one defensive thinking strategy was:
whatever) do. The non-universal gay image thus becomes off-
‘this person would hate me if they knew the real me’. As a result
putting for many ‘regular’ folk who just sometimes want to kiss
I began to distrust everyone around me. The toxicity of this fear
other men. These stereotypes, although helpful sometimes, are
was how it inhibited me from whole heartedly connecting with
often misleading and inaccurate for many. This only works to
anyone. You would think that by being ‘out’ this would fizzle away,
marginalise people and make it necessary for non-heterosexuals
but it didn’t.
to hide certain aspects of their personality in order to fit in, for
Being gay is more accepted in 2015. Awesome. But there is a difference between accepting something as a truth and
32
N.05 / V.47
no reason other than to appease the common judgement passed by society.
supporting something. As when South Africa allowed Māori
So common Joe, next time I squeeze my friends butt walking
rugby players to enter their country as ‘honorary whites’ during
down K Road, don’t wince. His butt is firm. You are jealous of
apartheid, a lot of gay people are permissioned to be gay by
his butt. You wish you could touch it but you can’t because I am
friends and family on the condition they ‘tone this down’ and don’t
touching it. The butt is the window to the soul — and let me tell
be an embarrassment. Sure, nobody is getting stoned to death,
you: it really is beautiful.
Blind Date NEXUS MAGAZINE
Blind Dat� Brought to you by The Bank and 97.8 The Edge. Each week nexus attempts to make a love/sexual connection. if you’re keen for a date on us, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz
XX
XY
After a few too many vodka slushies one night, my friend and
Let’s just say I was nervous, very nervous. Only a few days out of
I thought it would be a bit of fun to apply for the Nexus blind
a 1 and a half year relationship - I didn’t even know how to talk
date. Thinking nothing of it I got an email asking if I could do the
to a girl. So I thought what’s the best thing to do when you’re
date that night. I freaked out a bit, but with a bit of encouraging
nervous? Wear no underwear and picture the person naked…
The Lady’s Experience
from my flatmates I thought why not… I’m single and have never been on a ‘date’ before.
The Gentleman’s Experience
A lovely young looking girl walked up to the bar and I just hoped it was her. YES, it was a decent looking normal person. She had a
I had no idea what to expect. I thought about the worst and
lovely dress on and an amazing bright smile. I introduced myself
hoped for the best — but I wasn’t counting on my luck. I thought
with a fake name just incase I needed to escape this quickly.
about what to wear... My friend said wear no underwear but that was out of the question, so instead I went for the SUPER push up bra… Yeah didn’t wear that either. After running around the flat freaking out for about an hour it was time to go. My plan was to just get wasted if the guy was horrible so my flattie dropped me off 5 minutes late of course. My first impression was a nicely dressed guy who had actually made an effort and wasn’t in board shorts. I had imagined getting the bad end of the stick, and I did, but hey lucky for him he got the good end… So we got talking about random shit like ovens, his singing, and public speaking lessons and his phobia of crabs at the beach. He asked me if I knew this guy and I cracked up because what he didn’t know is that I had actually hooked up with him before… Turns out we had not much in common but it was a good conversation with no awkward silences. We ordered. He got the ribs, which he was reluctant to get because he didn’t want to make a mess, I didn’t care less
I had already had a half a bottle of red wine so I was ready to party the night away depending on how it went maybe second base... We ordered drinks and sat and talked. She was a gizzy girl so I instantly knew she was a party girl, especially when she said, “I’m keen to drink.” We talked a lot and I found out about her family, friends, job and other information just incase we were to get married. We ordered food, she had some type of fish soup and I had the ribs, she asked my age, I said I was 25 when I was 28. I felt like a lion hunting a small lamb in the woods. After a while and a few more drinks the conversation became stale, like a mannequin falling down a set of stairs. I can tell she wanted to leave I almost started crying, I knew she was slipping away. I knew my first date in 3 years was over. I felt like I was in a bad Brokeback Mountain movie. We had nothing in common. She got a message and got up, gave me a hug, and left. If only she had stayed a little longer, if only….
because I like chowder… And no one likes chowder... Especially
I got up spent the last of the money on a shot. It washed away
on a date... And let’s just say chowder and cocktails do not go
the pain. In a nutshell, I loved, I cried, I felt pain, you will forever
down well..
be in my mind. To the girl in the Shrek coloured top! What a
After about two hours of drinking, eating, talking about the randomness crap ever, the date wasn’t really going anywhere
night! Now to find my underwear.
so I thought I’d head off home. I actually had a really nice night, so thanks to The Bank and The Edge it was great, and if you’re single you should definitely do this. You seriously have nothing to lose!
33
NEXUS MAGAZINE 50 Years of Nexus
Columns & Reviews
by Burton C. Bogan
A Bogan Guide to Homies
CCR – Platinum
REFLECTIONS ON NEXUS
‘Fifty Cent? How bout I give him a dollar to shut up!’ Okay
so
when
wearing
For
Boganology: A Korny Reminiscence
the
uninitiated,
Creedence
Clearwater Revival, or CCR, is one of America’s most popular and
my
psychologist-in-training hat, I recognise that every body has their own group,
influential rock bands of all time. They were inducted into the rock hall of Dr Dave Snell fame in 1993, and when the Beatles broke up in 1970 CCR became the most successful band in the world. And my friend Macca, the ‘other’ regular writer of this column still thinks that Skynyrd is better! My name is Dave Snell and I am a Bogan (he says in Alcoholics Anonymous I know it’s kinda cheating to review their Platinum album, but hey,
their own norms and symbols and their own way of doing things. But I’m not wearing that hat; I’m wearing my Bogan hat. What happened to rap? Now I may be alienating my audience here, but I have respect for old school rap. Run DMC, Public Enemy, NWA – they were doing similar things to what metal has been…saying that the world sux for various reasons and we need to change that. Even Cypress Hill stood for something…even if it was decriminalising pot. But I don’t get the ‘bling’ attitude of people like Chingy or Kanye West (Guess they’re more pop maybe?). Funny story, they have CDs in 6ft of horrible bands that you can piss on in the urinal. How symbolic, if a little puerile, is that? I took a whiz on Kanye West the other week…apparently he is a ‘Gold Digger’. But they stopped putting rap CDs in there cause some rap lovers were taking them home…the level people will stoop to. But speaking of hats and symbols - I don’t understand some of rap’s ones…or maybe I just don’t know what the real symbols are and it’s a misreading, but hats with flat brims, Rotary hoodies, calling yourself G-Unit? Think about it…not many things in this world that are good have the letter G in it. Two immediate exceptions are G-Strings, both kinds; the underwear and the guitar string. Then you add the word Unit on the end and its all over, I’m laughing at you already. Okay so now I’m putting on my psychology hat. The main thing is this has all been a friendly joke around, really. Whatever you’re into, whatever the symbols or the styles…it’s cool. What’s more important is the type of person you are. I guess I’m adding to generalisations in this column this week but don’t feel bad, I take the piss outta everyone. If you’re a member of G-Unit, a nice person and can take the piss outta yourself, that’s cool and you’re alright with me. Just keep your damned stereo or Rotary away from me. Before I go: A big ‘Holy Horns’ to Andrew and his quiet friend with the Mohawk who I met at the Ruptus Jack Gig at 6ft (see gig review). Boganette & my Number 1 fans (WE HAVE FANS!). Sorry Mike and I didn’t head bang with ya, but I’m an Elder Bogan so I stand in the back and nod unless it’s for a damned good reason. Also, sorry we disappeared…but we had a Cougar emergency and I had to get Mike outta there or he’d be Cougar Fodder. It was his own fault, he was drinking JDs. See you at 6ft.
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Guest review by Burnsy
tones). More precisely, I am Doctor Bogan. I studied at the University of would you rather eat pizza in its separate ingredients or all at once? The Waikato for ten years to gain qualifications up to doctorate level. During best description of their style of music is “heartland rock”, and once you I wrote for Nexus for six years. listen tothat thistime, CD you’ll understand. With gravelly vocals and wicked guitar riffs interlaced with some mean the music is so damn about Retrospectives are one of piano those playing things where writers reminisce catchy “the and good relaxing. One ofand my how flatmates, Hannah, swears that thisThis is is the old days” much better it was back then.
all sheperfect listens medium to when she their music “just makes youstuck in for astudies Bogan ‘cause to write stuff. We’re permanently feel happy!” the 80s so anything that looks back with Double-Brown tinted glasses is These guys played the heartcolumn, about forged what was okay in our book.music I wrotefrom a Boganology by a going Blacker than on in their country, with my personal favourite, ‘Fortunate Son’, Black Blacksmith, in a cauldron of blood mixed with Bieber being tears. I have writtenvery about thememories Vietnam War, andmy ‘Proud talking about fond of both time Mary’ at University and mywhat timelife at Nexus. ‘down south’ is like.starting Ironically band hails thegetting Bay Area of San I remember the the University Metalfrom Club, drunk on campus Francisco their is straight southern rock.metal, Songswith on the this wind in and,while fuelled by style a healthy dose ofupbeer and power 2CD compilation as ‘Bornthe Onmedieval The Bayou’, ‘Down On TheI joined Corner’the WSU our mullets,such we attacked re-enactment club. and ‘Lodi’ just make you want to sit outside in the sun and sip cheap Board under the campaign slogan “Bogan Knows Best”, and had a great whiskeytime from a jug. representing students. I took part in the costumed road trip called the These guys moreWSU thanmember just theAndrew music, James. they lived thedressed Hori 440are/were organisedabout by prolific I went rock ‘n’inroll lifestyle. They lived in a little broken down house and just a full body duck costume. I rode around in the A-Team themed van under played the music, and when bills came theyRolling sold out stuffofand keptin rocking. pseudonym “Dark Wing Duck”. the van a drunken state They had a dream and a vision, and by sticking to it through good times, to the A-Team theme music like some fucked up sport mascot staggering hardships and excessive amounts of drinking they became legends. CCR out of an industrial washing machine after a heavy load. stirs the southern man in all of us (including you womenfolk) and that I had dubious last Clubs Day to doing be thewhat only person ain’t a Apparently bad thing. It’s all the about beinghonour happy with your lot and requesting to drink on campus duringYeehaw!!! the event9/10 (I ended up having you wanna do without the alcohol ‘man’ getting you down.
a few quiets at Momento). This, despite the fact I’m not a student or staff member at your glorious institution. Competition
The winner of last But along with enjoying, and in some cases providing, the entertainment weeks awesome prize, I learnt a lot from my time at University. I made some great friendships, Iron Maiden’s live 2CD that’s why I came back to write this, and so I want to encourage people to ‘Death On The Road’, make the most of your University experience. Join clubs, write stuff, study is dms25@waikato. hard, and party hard like the Andrew WK songs you students probably still Congratulations! throwprize, up to.courtesy Or is that old Hauraki a reference already? I’ll return to mumbling This week’s of too Radio is guitar masterinto Joemy Satriani’s whiskey.latest album ‘Super Colossal’. If you like guitar solos, like me, then you’ll love this album. StayWhat Bogan \m/ Question: was the name of CCR’s first album? Email your answer to cjw37@waikato.ac.nz
N.05 / V.47
Issue 7 · 10 April 2006
35
Cooking for Students NEXUS MAGAZINE
Hot Cross Buns Zac Lyon
For the Crosses 1 cup of flour About ½ cup of water Sugar Glaze 1 Tbs of brown sugar 1/3 cup of warm water
Ok you bunny murdering monsters. Easter is coming. While you gorge yourselves on helpless innocent bunnies and a few eggs, spare a thought for the often forgotten hot cross bun. With its origins shrouded in mystery, I turned to my most trusted source of information on these tasty morsels: Wikipedia. Wikipedia correctly informs me that hot cross buns have certain uses outside of lining ones stomach. The cross atop the bun is said to mean that you must get a kiss before you eat one. I really encourage people to test this theory. Let me know of its success rate. Others believe that they protect a ship against being shipwrecked (Wikipedia, 2015). Someone probs should have let the Titanic know. All jokes aside, I was pretty sick of having to skip into the supermarket to get my fix. So I did some research and voila, here is my recipe for making your own hot cross buns.
Method 1. Sprinkle sugar and yeast over warmed milk and set aside until the yeast is all nice and fluffy. 2. In a large bowl add in flour, mixed spice, cinnamon and salt. (On that note, try the cinnamon challenge. Or maybe don’t, people have died). 3. Add in the sultanas followed by the butter, beaten eggs and frothy yeast mixture. 4. Mix until you have a dough then knead on a floured surface. It will be quite sticky so add some more flour until the dough is smooth and springy. 5. Leave the dough to rest in a warm place until doubled in size (approx. 1 hr). 6. Knead slightly and divide into 24 balls. Arrange on a tray and cover with oiled clingfilm. Let rise for another hour.
Ingredients 1 ¾ cups of warm milk 2 Tbs of white sugar 2 Tbs of yeast 5 cups of flour 3 tsp mixed spice 3 tsp cinnamon ½ tsp salt 1 cup of sultanas
7. Mix the flour and water until a thick paste has formed. Pipe this stuff across your jiggly buns. (No sexual innuendo detected here, move on…) 8. Bake your buns in an oven at 200C for about 15 mins. Remove, then brush over sugar glaze and return to oven for another 5 mins until golden. 9. Serve. This recipe makes 24 of the suckers, so distribute amongst family and friends. Try the whole ‘This bun has a ‘x’ on it, that means we should probably kiss’ line. Go on. I dare you.
50 g of melted butter
By the way if you are missing a pair of womens bike shoes left at the Hillcrest
2 eggs
Velodrome, I have them. Hit me up on Facebook.
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NEXUS MAGAZINE CARE
CLUBS
ADVOCACY
Feminists @ Waikato Who are you and what do you want? Feminists @ Waikato is a group that came together late 2014 to fill an on campus void for feminist social action. The only guideline to entry is that you must believe in gender equality. That’s it! We’re a friendly bunch of students from a range of backgrounds and interests who believe strongly
Money, Money Sarah & Priscilla
Whether you’re surviving this year on a student loan, part time job, or a little help from mum and dad, you’ve gotta be smart when dealing with your money. If you attended Advocacy’s financial awareness seminar last Tuesday, with Janette from ASB then you’re already one step ahead of the game.
in Feminism and we hope to get more Waikato students involved and
Missed out? That’s okay, because we’re giving you some of the best tips
talking about it.
right here. Follow these, and not only will your rent get paid, but you’ll still
What does the group do?
have enough for that box of DB’s by the time Saturday rolls around.
We started as an online network and channel for all feminist-related
Student Account
discussion. Feminism is interpreted differently and is particularly
First things first: Make sure you have a tertiary account. Interest-free
intersectional so while we now organise movie nights, book clubs, and
overdraft, no bank fees, easy savings. Just do it.
other events we are heavily based in discussion and generally learning how to be better human beings. Most of which takes place online and covers anything and everything that involves gender and social inequality.
Budgeting This is a simple, easy way to ensure that you keep track of your money. Work out how much you need to spend on necessities, and then factor
What will Feminist Week look like?
in the extras. If you’re still a bit stumped, come in and visit one of the
While still very much in the preliminary stages of planning a Feminist Week
advocates, as we have some great tools to help with this.
in B semester, we have decided to produce a zine for the week, which is super creative and exciting. If you consider yourself a writer/designer and you believe in gender equality come get involved!
Savings Account It’s also highly recommended that you have a separate savings account. It doesn’t matter whether you’re contributing $20 a week, or $2, as long as
Where can we join?
you’re saving something. If you have something in mind that you want to
You can search us on Facebook: Feminists @ Waikato. Our group is home
save up for, set an achievable goal, and watch the money slowly build up.
to 129 members and open to everyone on the human spectrum — we don’t discriminate! The Facebook group is where most of our communication happens and you’ll find event times and lots of random posts and cool things. If anything, it’s a space to think about wider social issues outside of our own immediate sphere — which in this crazy world is a very good thing!
Insurance While it may seem pricey at the time, having car and contents insurance can save you a lot of money and stress when things go wrong. Despite the worth of your car, having 3rd party insurance is very important to stop you being stung with a large bill. As for contents, your stuff is probably worth a lot more than you think! If your house burnt down and you had to replace everything, furniture, clothes, linen, electronics, how much would that set you back?
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CARE NEXUS MAGAZINE
REPRESENTATION
Cheap Eats Shannon Stewart
EXPERIENCE
Holi And Lantern Festival 2015
Let’s be real... Students don’t have a lot of money and food on campus can
On April the 2nd, Waikato International Students Association is hosting
be pretty pricey. I mean you can’t go wrong with a $6 salad from Espresso
both the worldwide celebrated Holi Festival and Chinese Lantern Festival
Plus but sometimes $6 is just too much. So we have some solutions for
merged TOGETHER!
you!
The Waikato International Students Association is a student based club
Underneath the Student Centre/Library there is this magical place called
that was founded in 2015. Our main aim and goal is to enhance international
Level Zero, it’s not really magic but it does have a pool table and an Xbox
representation on campus.
which is pretty cool. More importantly though Level Zero provides students access to boiling water, chilled filtered water and of course a microwave! Why am I getting so excited about this you may ask? Who doesn’t love last night’s leftover pizza heated up for lunch? Or a hot cup of $1 noodles to get you through the day. With access to a microwave there are tonnes of options that students have for lunch that are much cheaper than Pita Pit. Bring in last night’s dinner, a heat and eat pie, or other microwavable goodies. Level Zero is open 10.30am–2.30pm every day and any student is
It is established to make students feel that Hamilton is their home away from home. There will be many performances and celebrations which embrace both the Indian and Chinese culture! Indian performances will go on from 2-6 pm Chinese performances will go on from 6-9 pm
free to come on in and play some pool and make a feed — if you’re lucky
Stalls from the night market will also be available so bring your extra
there may even be free tea and coffee.
change and remember they accept CASH only!
We also have a space at the bottom of the Student Union Building (SUB)
There will also be games and prizes to be won!
that is across from UniMart with a zip and a microwave that is open to all students too. So now that’s two places to make a decent lunch that I bet many of you didn’t know about. You’re welcome. The issue of food on campus has been talked about for a while now and
So come along and celebrate with us! Bring your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors... well you get the point, bring everyone along! The more the merrier!
it is something that I would love to look at addressing. I am sure the Level Zero access will provide many of you with some better options for lunch, but I want to know what else that you think we can do to provide better food on campus. What would you like to see on campus that you can tuck into after a busy day with two whole lectures? Or do you think that food on campus is fine? Feedback on this issue would be greatly appreciated. Please send it to president@wsu.org.nz. Please note that I can’t promise to bring McDonalds back.
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NEXUS MAGAZINE Snapped
SNAPPED
38
N.05 / V.47
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NEXUS MAGAZINE Puzzles
SUDOKU
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EASY
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CODEWORDS
SLITHERLINK
Each letter in the puzzle is represented by a number 1 – 26. Crack the code to solve it.
Join the dots to create a single continuous loop. The
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WORD TWIST
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How many words can you make from these letters? The letters must touch horizontally, vertically or diagonally and cannot be used more than once in a word.
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O P Q R S T U
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each number and the loop must never cross itself.
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numbers indicate how many lines must surround
V W
TRIVIAL In Greek Mythology how many heads does Cerberus, the dog guarding Hades usually have?
X
How many letters does the basic Arabic alphabet
Y
contain?
Z
What is the meaning of life?
Puzzles NEXUS MAGAZINE
CROSSWORD
KAKURO
Solve the clues and fill in the words.
Fill all of the blank squares in the grid using only the
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numbers 1 – 9 so the numbers entered add up to the corresponding clue. You cannot use the same number
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more than once in a run (eg. 7, 1, 1).
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SIMPLE PUZZLES FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE Hey kids we are getting slightly more complex this week, you need to draw parts of the whale.
Across
party (4)
19. Hag (6)
1. Madam (4)
49. Domain (5)
23. Two out of two (4)
5. Shot in the arm (5)
52. Adjutant (4)
24. Lot fillers (5)
10. “What ___ God
53. Driver’s lic. and others (3)
25. Emulate a beaver (4)
wrought?” (4)
56. Larry Hagman comedy (15)
26. As yet (5)
14. Audio effect (4)
60. Curved molding (4)
27. Disconcert (5)
15. Prenatal test, for short (5)
61. Composer Copland (5)
28. Prefix with graph (5)
16. Brother of Jacob (4)
62. Winston Churchill’s
29. 1,000 kilograms (5)
17. Jackie Gleason comedy (15)
“___ Country” (4)
30. Senator in space (5)
20. “Listen up!” (3)
63. Heavy, durable furniture
31. Ski trail (5)
21. Wildcat (4)
wood (4)
32. Cousin of a mink (5)
22. Grind, as teeth (5)
64. Tile separator (5)
34. Sacred images (5)
23. Bent (4)
65. Played by the PGA (4)
37. Skin problem (6) 38. ___ canal (4)
24. Indian tourist site (4) 26. Bar (6)
Down
39. Curse (4)
29. Air (4)
1. “Little Women” woman (4)
45. Hamster or gerbil (6)
30. Mail place: Abbr. (3)
2. Be in pain (4)
46. Carbamide (4)
33. Last write-up (4)
3. Miss Muffet fare (4)
47. Built for speed (5)
34. Bits (5)
4. Play-___ (3)
48. Old move theater name (5)
35. On, as a lamp (3)
5. Tree with aerial roots (6)
49. Brawl (4)
36. Robert Young comedy (15)
6. Forebodings (5)
50. Border (4)
40. ___ Wednesday (3)
7. Black stone (4)
51. Length x width (4)
41. Crockett cap critters (5)
8. Actor Alastair (3)
52. ___-American (4)
42. Add to the pot (4)
9. “___ bad!” (3)
53. Data (4)
43. Pi follower (3)
10. Reddish brown (5)
54. Call (4)
44. Basketball defense (4)
11. Fishing, perhaps (4)
55. Slave (4)
45. Marathon man (6)
12. Blackens (4)
57. Kind of wheel (3)
47. Adjusts, as a clock (4)
13. “Pipe down!” (4)
58. Propel, in a way (3)
48. Hardly the life of the
18. Assortment (4)
59. Bother (3)
41
Rubbish and
Recycling
Information for Tenants Recycling collection day for East Hamilton is Monday. Please put out your recycling by 8am. You can put out a maximum of two black bags of rubbish and a maximum of two crates of recyclables per household.
What can be recycled? • Only plastic types 1&2: Milk bottles, drink bottles and detergent bottles. • Only aluminium cans and tin cans • Only clean cardboard and paper (less than 75cm x 75cm in size, securely tied and placed beside the crate) • Only glass bottles and jars (no light bulbs, broken glass or window panes)
Do not leave white ware, appliances and furniture on the road side, verge, kerbside or footpath. These will not be collected. Any furniture or appliances can be taken to the Recycling Centre: 60 Lincoln Street Frankton. For Hamilton City Council recycling and waste information visit: www.hamilton.govt.nz/our-services/refuse-and-recycling If you have unwanted items, you can list them on The Waste Exchange, visit: www.nothrow.co.nz For more information contact Hamilton City Council info@hcc.govt.nz Please respect your landlord’s property, your fellow tenants and neighbours and your environment.