Nexus 2019 Issue 6

NEXUS IS HIGHLY ADDICTIVE

ISSUE 6 VOL 52

1.4.19

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CONTENTS

CHANCE UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES

PAY YOUR LANDLORDS CAPITOL GAINS TAX OF 33%

24

7

Editorial

5

Reviews

29

FOMO

6

Quiz

30

News Feature

7

Full Exposure

32

Easy News

11

This VS That

34

whelmed.

12

Sports

35

Feel Good News

13

Random Audit

36

Entertainment

14

Campus Fashion

37

Reo Tauira

16

Waikat Flats

38

UnderEmployed

17

Horoscopes

41

Grow The Fuck Up

18

Procrastination Station

42

Nexus Health

20

Snapped

44

Valid

23

Blind date

45

Unintended Consequences

26

Grace Mitchell Nexus Editor editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Kim Sare Deputy Editor kim@nexusmag.co.nz

30

32

Contributors

Nexus Classroom

Caitlin Walters-Freke caitlin@nexusmag.co.nz

Nelson Cooper

Tōmairangi McRae vp@wsu.org.nz

Lachie McIsaac lachie@nexusmag.co.nz

Moerangi Taylor moerangi@wsu.org.nz

Danielle Marks danielle@nexusmag.co.nz

Makayla Wallace - Tidd makayla@nexusmag.co.nz

@twolabcoats twolabcoats@gmail.com

Advertising

Brittany Rose brittany@nexusmag.co.nz

Marnie Hunter

Kendrah Worsley + Tara Overwater comms@wsu.org.nz

Sophie Miller sophie@nexusmag.co.nz

Luka Love luka@nexusmag.co.nz

Sarah Graham - Cover Joshua Ziegler - Cover

James Raffan Managing Editor james@nexusmag.co.nz

WHAT DOMINO’S VALUE PIZZA ARE YOU?

Todd Harper News Editor todd@nexusmag.co.nz

Yuwei Wan - Centrefold

Ashlea Curran Designer design@nexusmag.co.nz

26

Swabeehaa Bi Benjamin Harcourt Scott Smith

marnie@nexusmag.co.nz

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 6

EDITORIAL Grace Mitchell Nexus Editor editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Some weeks, you’ll pretty satisfied with mucking around.

Others, you may find yourself wanting to ask the big questions in life. For example, flick to our “Which Domino’s Value Pizza Are You?” quiz if you’re in need of some real soul-searching.

We’ve discussed some pretty hefty, important topics in the last few issues. This time around, we’re covering a whole bunch of stuff ranging from what’s up with smoking on campus and what types of insurance you should probably have, to the reasons why you should be using lube, and about another twenty things in between.

Life’s about balance; we’re all about catering to the masses here.

These last few weeks before mid-semester break really are the time where your true self shines through. For example, if you’re feeling a little stressed but tracking along pretty well - good on you, that’s sweet as. If you’re 20 lectures behind, drowning in stress with 2 tests to go and you’ve pretty much resigned yourself to “ah well, I’ll catch up in the break,” then ha, same. Let’s make a collective effort here, people - push through for just a few more weeks. Oh, and those 5 assignments due right after the holiday (which, with the amount of mahi you probably need to do, is not actually a holiday)? Best get onto those so you can have a few weekends off guiltfree, we’ll sign off on it for you xx 5

Omg that hot guy from the club is here

the sevens are going offf

FOMO!!!

girl you are missing out

wish u were here!!

just won $50 on the pokies

FOMO

Waikato Wellbeing Week – all week!

The University is celebrating its very own Wellbeing Week – a chance for you to get involved with well being-focussed events on campus! Check out the full schedule at: waikato.ac.nz/go/wellbeing

2 APR

Plant-Based Nutrition for Sport 6-8pm Radix Nutrition Hamilton. Head along to find out how you can make a plant-based diet work if you are an athlete or a gym fanatic. Tickets are $25 from eventbrite.co.nz.

3 APR

Waikato OE Fair 10am-2pm Student Centre Foyer. Learn about our student exchange programme; chat to students who have studied overseas, find out where you can study, how to apply, cross crediting and what funding is available.

5 APR

The Waikato Show 2019 10am-5pm. A day of fun begins today at Claudelands arena, with 15 expos to give you an idea of what’s available in the Waikato! Tickets $12 at the gate.

6 APR

The Hardcore Harry Potter Quiz Night - Quadrant Bar, 7-10pm. Dress ups are encouraged, with food from a H.P themed menu. Table of 4-6 people is $90 from eventfinda outlets.

7 APR

Brewery Open Day Come have a look around Hamilton’s famous Good George Brewery. Free admission and live music.

Located at the Good George Dining Hall, 1-5pm.

9 APR

Purple Tuesday Wear purple to show solidarity with survivors of sexual violence as one of the many ways you can get involved with sexual assault awareness week activities on campus (8th-12th April)

CHANCE

PAY YOUR LANDLORDS CAPITAL GAINS TAX OF 33% Todd Harper News Editor todd@nexusmag.co.nz

The Tax Working Group, as appointed by the New Zealand Government, has released a series of nine tax recommendations, including capital gains tax.

But what does that mean for us, and why should "generation rent" give a fuck?

The once proud dream of New Zealand being a country where everyone can own a home has been subverted through years of mishandling and government policies on both sides. So when a proposed capital gains tax will include land, shares, investment properties, business assets and intellectual property, it’s a little hard for us to believe there will be something for us to worry about.

Ella Morgan, a student at the University of Waikato studying a BA in political science and public policy, says unless students are buying and selling properties, the capital gains tax won't directly affect them. However, there may be a number of indirect consequences that could have an effect on students.

“Some economists and property owners have warned that higher rents will be introduced; of course, this is of huge relevance to students. Many students already struggle to make ends meet with 8

rental prices at an all-time high, and extra financial pressure could be crippling to people who are already struggling.

“I’m reluctant to state my personal opinion as I try to be as objective as I can when thinking about issues like this. But I do support the implementation of a capital gains tax. If you are using the buying and selling of property as a means of earning money, you should be taxed just like anyone else’s income is.

“I think that the capital gains tax recommendation should most definitely be adopted. Most developed nations already have some form of capital gains tax, and of course, we can look to these examples of how and how not to handle the transition. Despite this, we can’t always fully predict what is going to happen and the effect that this will have on not only the property and the rental market, but the lives of New Zealanders.”

The proposed capital gains tax is set at the highest personal tax rate of 33%. This has received a largely negative response. However, the government hit back at doubters, reminding them that the recommendations are just that: recommendations.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 6

Finance Minister Grant Robertson says the idea behind the Tax Working Group was to identify what would constitute a fairer system.

“The document we got did the job we asked of it. It's now our job to go through and say does that really add to fairness,” said Robertson.

Multiple points have been raised about how this will affect young people, including students. One point raised is how it could affect KiwiSaver both negatively and positively. Individuals earning up to $70,000 a year - and not just low-income earners - should see benefits that reverse the effect of any tax paid on it.

Tax Working Group chairman Sir Michael Cullen says recommendations as part of the report from the tax working group show kiwis will be far better off.

“If all of the TWG’s proposed KiwiSaver measures are adopted, then KiwiSaver members earning over $70,000 would also, as a group, be better off.

“It’s good to have this national debate on tax and how we could be affected by the recommendations, but the debate should be based on full consideration of the facts.”

University of Waikato Communications student Spencer Lowe says he believes the recommendations could affect him buying a house in the future.

“I have heard of the proposed changes to our tax, with a capital gains tax that could be coming in.

“I’m a little concerned that this could affect any chance of me actually being able to afford a house in the near future. I think the government needs to keep in mind the individual situation when it comes to tax.”

It is fair to say that all this tax talk can be complicated.

But whatever does end up happening, you could be affected in some form. Your rent may go up, you may pay more at the supermarket, you could get less KiwiSaver in your back pocket. So keep an eye out for what changes do come through and how that could potentially affect you now and in the future.

Nexus spoke to long-time student landlord, Bruce Davidson, for his opinion on the matter.

Nexus: How do you feel the proposed CGT will immediately affect students and younger people if the government was to implement it?

B: I believe it will affect job creation as the proposal to apply a capital gains tax to the sale of farms, businesses, shares, commercial buildings and houses (an exception being the family home) will depress economic activity by reducing the incentive to create wealth.

It will put upward pressure on rents. There is plenty of anecdotal evidence that landlords are selling their properties which will lower the supply of rental properties while demand is still maintained.

NEXUS: What are some positive effects that the proposed CGT will have?

B: It is proposed that lower income earners will get a small increase in their take home pay. Unfortunately the promise of tax neutrality is only for 5 years when the gloves will be off again. For a short period first home buyers may find it cheaper to purchase.

NEXUS: If you were in the Tax Working Group, how would you amend the report?

B: I would throw the report out and start again. They left a lot of issues unresolved because they were too hard, and what was proposed is not fair or practical. ...I understand they have suggested the government could allow farmers to roll over the full profit of a sale (i.e. no capital gains tax) if they were investing in a larger, more productive farm. They suggest this may be good to develop the farming industry. However, they don't accept the same logic for business owners or for commercial or rental property owners...It is important to realise that the CGT is driven by politics, not economics. It is a very wasteful and difficult to implement "envy" tax.

I predict if the government gets back into power it will dismiss almost all the proposals, but to appease its some of its voter base the CGT will apply to rental housing only.

Still a bad result in my opinion.

9

QUOTES “America deserves a leader as good as Jacinda Ardern” - The New York Times Editorial Board on Ardern’s response to the Christchurch terror attack “I was too busy smoking cones with the boyssss” Mitch James announcing to the Homegrown crowd why he never got a degree at Otago University.

"No! It's so big! He's swallowing it! The whole thing is gone! It's gone!" - Australian man after his fish was stolen by a giant crocodile in Little Billabong, New South Wales.

"I wish them the continued decline in relevance over the next few decades that they deeply and profoundly and diligently work toward and deserve." - Jordan Peterson on Whitcoulls after they banned his book.

NEWS IN NUMBERS

1/2

tweets posted by Trump in 34 hours in a Twitter frenzy.

of Auckland suburbs now worth an average of $1 million.

2 3 0

year-old blind golden retriever receives own guide-dog.

11

EASY NEWS

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 6

limited edition KFC scented candles released in the UK.

turn 10 second around in boxing match as Sam Maxwell KOs Sabri Sedri.

3rd $26 00

52

years running for Kiwi music festival, Homegrown.

12

season of Stranger Things teased with trailer.

price tag for Samsung’s new phone.

20%

of 18-24 year olds are smoking.

CASUAL RACISM IN NEW ZEALAND Marnie Hunter marnie@nexusmag.co.nz

The University of Waikato recently held a vigil for the victims of the Christchurch terror attack with an incredible turnout, and while remembrance and respect were the main focuses for the evening, an underlying theme came to be extremely prominent - that being the truth about casual racism in New Zealand.

Many people might be quick to question how any form of racism can be casual, but with a little self-awareness and empathy, it is easy to see how this could happen.

Casual racism is that friend who puts on an Indian accent, it is the alt-right and #alllivesmatter posts you see on Facebook and the so-called ‘banter’ that happens within friend groups. Casual racism is all the small things that you think just aren’t worth bringing up because it is nothing major. Right?

Casual racism feels like nothing major, until it is. It is exactly how racism on a bigger scale begins, but the events within the past few weeks show that today is where casual racism needs to end. These passing

comments go so much further than just being a joke; they are isolating, discriminating and disrespectful to other human beings who are just as entitled as you to live in this country.

So instead of contributing to the problem, be a part of the change. Call on your friends for their racist jokes, call on yourself for laughing, stop making excuses for that friend who “means well deep down” and acknowledge the privilege that many of us, including myself, have. This outpour of love for the Muslim community is incredible, but it is not good enough. Be accountable, use your voice but be open to listen and learn, and continue to fight oppression at any chance you get.

11

Trying To Be Cool It’s a funny thing, being a young adult. We’ve just emerged from all the insecurities and cliquey-ness of high school, thinking we’d survived it all (we could argue that some people may have mentally never actually left high school anyways, to be fair). Then you arrive at university, and face a whole tonne of new pressures to deal with (especially in the halls).

Most of us might look back at the things we worried about as teenagers and laugh. We bloody weren’t overweight like we imagined, being popular really wasn’t as important as we thought it was, and no one honestly cared or remembered whether we wore cool brands on Mufti Day - everyone was too busy worrying about themselves. That’s the key thing to remember; whether you’re stressing out about people judging you in the gym, at a party, dancing in Outback, whatever.

Usually, everybody’s honestly too preoccupied with themselves to give two fucks about whatever you’re doing. It may not be reassuring for your ego, but it’s a great reminder for your social anxiety.

It’s transparent as fuck when people around you are clearly doing whatever they’re doing just to try and impress others. Don’t do it. If you really want to connect with others, just be authentic. Some people genuinely have the kind of personality where having crazy tats, wearing dad sneakers, and smoking darts in one hand with a Billy Mav in the other is 100% “them”.

Then there are the other cases where your mate, once

a puritan, all of a sudden won’t stop going off their nut about dropping caps, Travis Scott, and getting on the rark every day of the week. We all love a good pissup but it gets kind of irritating seeing a mate act so radically different to try and impress others, right?

The point is, you don’t have to go on about the approximately three or four topics all students have in common to try and feel well-liked. It’s actually kind of cool if you like music other than the same shit everybody else listens to. If everyone else at the party is smoking like a 60 year-old former rockstar but you’re not keen, just firmly say no thanks (they won’t care people try and rax them so often, after all). You might be at a festie where 9/10 people are abso-fuckin-lutely munched, but if you don’t want to do the hard stuff, it’s totally cool; you won’t be judged for saying no. If you are, what a crock of shit; find some better mates.

Remember that you won’t actually stay friends with most of the people you’re mates with at university, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Don’t let your desire for social acceptance overtake everything else going on in your life. Do a little soul-searching, man; an accidental ecstasy addiction won’t help you find a life after uni, after all.

whelmed.

12

FEEL GOOD NEWS The World Bank has pledged US$22 million to Africa to help fight against the effects of climate change. This will be distributed from 2021-2025 and will be used towards programmes surrounding climate adaptation and mitigation.

New Zealand has approved the largest land addition to a national park in our history.

Kahurangi National Park, near Nelson, is home to several of our native endangered species, and has been increased by 64,000 hectares!

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 6

Adidas 2018 produced at least 5 million pairs of shoes made from recycled plastic waste in 2018, and the high demand has led Adidas to announce a further 11 million are to be made this year.

The ancient sorghum seed, which had died out in the Likotuden area in Indonesia, has been revitalised and is thriving. The crop requires

less water and holds more nutrients than other options, offering a climatefriendly helping hand to those in poverty. Maria Loretha travelled around several villages, speaking with elders, before finding the seed and enlisting her local villagers to help plant 30 acres worth of the crop.

Love at first sight actually does exist! A study has

shown that older people are able to tell if they’re attracted to something or someone with one glance, with 1 in 4 people aged 65 and over announcing they can feel attraction within seconds of meeting someone new.

Overseas surveys have shown that the second-hand sector is booming. American

resale markets are currently worth US$24 billion, and the UK has reported that 45% of people would buy pre-owned goods. With the range of op-shops available in Hamilton, you too could contribute to this global trend!

A New Jersey man is celebrating after one very kind citizen held onto his lotto ticket after he left it

on the counter in a store - the man then went on to win US$273 million, which he plans to share with the man who saved his ticket.

The Prime Minister of Papua New Guinea is promising more representation for women in parliament. Papua New

Guinea Parliament has no female representation among its 111 members.

This is down from last term's record-setting three female members. Speaking at a National Women’s Day celebration, Prime Minister Peter O'Neill suggested that if no women were elected then “we'll select four of the best-performing women candidates if there has been no women elected to parliament."

Donations for the victims of the Christchurch terror attack have surpassed the $15 million dollar mark, showing that love truly is stronger than hate.

Anne Brokenbrow, a 104-yearold of Stoke Bishop, Bristol, was ‘detained’ by police officers last week, ticking off her bucket list wish to be arrested as she’d “never been on the wrong side of the law.”

13

TOP 10 things to get addicted to

that aren’t smoking. In case you haven’t heard the news, it turns out smoking is bad for you. How about giving one of these other addictions a go to fill the void left by your childhood problems?

Vaping vaping is really cool!!!!!

DIMINUTIVE POST

đ&#x;˜Ž

Alcohol - Totally socially acceptable until you’re over 25 - after that, you have a problem.

Standing over a fire and inhaling carbon monoxide - still smoking, but make it paleo.

Flatmate Argument in Pak’nSave Over What Constitutes as Essential Onlookers have spoken of an incident in Clarence St Pak’nSave, where two flatmates were found having a heated discussion regarding yet another bottle of kombucha, and whether it was a necessity for their Greensboro St residence.

Looking at pictures of doggos on the internet - it’s not weird, it’s fucking wholesome.

Pornhub - ...well. At least you’re not on drugs!

Bodybuilding - you’ll become a bit of a cunt, but at least you’ll be fit.

Collecting houseplants - seriously, don’t stop. Rebuild the Amazon rainforest. Care for them like children.

Layer your room so densely in plants you can never be found again.

Snorting laundry powder - meh, it’s cheaper than cocaine.

Showering your flatmates in LOVE, GRATITUDE and AFFECTION - we love EVERYTHING about the people we live with!!! Right?

Diligently studying - haha, we’re just kidding.

14

Continued Ruckus as Students Pester for the Return of Nexus Centrefolds As we approach mid-semester break, Waikato students continue to call for the return of Nexus’ infamous posters, despite the fact that the last four issues have contained such a poster, right there in the centrefold.

CRUSH OF THE WEEK

Panopto By this point of the semester, it’s likely you’ve given up on your early morning lectures, late arvo tuts, and just class in general if we’re being fuckin’ honest. Those primo lecturers and tutors who put everything online have lulled us into a false sense of security that lack of attendance does not automatically equal failing a class. But the holy grail for slack university kids is Panopto, and the fact that it allows us to still see and hear every damn thing that goes on in those ice boxes called classrooms. So thank you, dear Panopto - we love you, and we’re so sorry we never actually fucking use you.

WHAT'S HOT

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 6

MULLET OF THE WEEK: Jamie

. 99c week at Pak’nSave . My lecturer . The glide of a brand spanking new highlighter

đ&#x;˜¤

. Lunchtime ciders đ&#x;˜Ž . Finding money in pants you haven’t worn for ages

Nexus: Do you remember the moment, like where were you and when did it happen...?

Jamie: Ah, mate. It was in the garage, my Mum did it. I begged her for a mullet. She went “yeah, alright, ya filthy little bugger�. Clippers came out, shaved the sides, faar, it was about six months ago...the dye had to come out, had to get that mince and cheese going on.

. Finding half a pack of durries in town đ&#x;˜?

WHAT'S NOT

Interview was conducted at one of Waikato’s most infamous mullet breeding grounds, the Morrinsville rugby club. It had been a big day of footy and these mulleted folk had put in some serious mahi.

Nexus: Do you want to describe your relationship with your mullet?

Jamie: Oh, a little bit sexual, but professional of course. We touch each other, y’know, we have a little bit of fun, but we keep it PG in the public.

. Sunburn đ&#x;˜” . Getting sick straight after recovering from a hangover

đ&#x;¤’

. Failing two tests in one week . Paying rent đ&#x;˜’ . Being sober in Town and Country at 2am

. Losing half a pack of durries in town

Nexus: What have been some of the reactions to your mullet?

Jamie: Ah, can I swear? “FUCKING FILTHY MULLET�, fuckin’ “FUCK YEAH THE MULLET�, �MULLLLET�. Pretty much, that’s the same set up. Or “Ah mate�, “yeah?�, “of fucking beautiful mullet there�, “ah.

Cheers mate�

PASS THE

AUX

SMOKING DARTS + BREAKING HEARTS

follow us

Spotify: nexusmag

1.

Bitch, Don't Kill My Vibe Kendrick Lamar

4.

Maneater Nelly Furtado

2.

Gonna Leave You Queens of the Stone Age

5.

Pass The Dutchie Musical Youth

3.

Collie Herb Man Katchafire

6.

Smoke On The Water Deep Purple 15

REO TAUIRA Moerangi Taylor moerangi@wsu.org.nz

Vulnerability is the new black If you know me - actually, even if you don’t - you’ll know that Hicks Bay (actually need to stop calling it dat, fuck a coloniser), Wharekahika is my heart and soul.

But if you’re human you’ll know that you need your heart and soul to survive...I think. So why is it that, in this day and age, we (I’m including y’all so I feel less attacked) choose to avoid the places that we know sustain us? Is it because, although it’s a source of mauri - life fooorce tings - for us, we know it also brings out the most vulnerable parts of us? Or because once that we’re in a place of comfort = good > never wanna leave = stuck? Or maybe because you can’t afford the gas to take the five hour hike home?

No matter your reason (#feelyasis #beenthere), if there’s one thing I’ve learnt by avoiding the place that sustains me is that there’s beauty in vulnerability. I know you wanna say "but where tho?"

Hokia ki o maunga kia pure ai koe e ngā hau a Tāwhirimatea. Return to your mountains to be cleansed by the winds of home. Cleansing, in one way, is a process of accepting vulnerability and then unpacking it. For me, that’s going to my awa and acknowledging the maunga that my awa flows from, my ancestors that once bathed in these same waters and the land it flows through and saying "eah help me out aye I’m going thru some stuff."

And there’s the beauty; it’s in the healing. Accepting vulnerability, having the willingness to process it, then you’re on a path of healing. Rocky bottoms eventually form mountains e hoa mā. Go to that place, go see those people. Vulnerability is the new black.

16

GUMBOOT FRIDAY: I Am Hope For people battling depression, it can feel like walking through mud every day. Walk in their shoes for a day; Friday 5th of April 2019, to be exact. Show your support by putting on your gumboots and making a donation to help provide free counselling to any kid in need. It’s a fun way for NZers to shed some light on this kaupapa and join in the mental health conversation. 100% of your donation goes to counselling for NZ kids.

You can donate in four ways:​

. Internet banking (search Gumboot Friday Appeal as a payee)

. In person at any Kiwibank branch . “Piggy-boots" at participating retailers and events (the

organisers can deposit the money at a Kiwibank branch the next day)

. I AM HOPE Give a Little page If you need to talk to someone, text or call 1737 any time, 24 hours a day. You’ll get to talk to (or text with) a trained counsellor completely free of charge. Call 111 immediately for any medical emergency.

CLUBS SPOTLIGHT:

UoW Young Investors Society

Interested in the stock market and investing? Are you sick and tired of earning the bare minimum? Do you like money? Do you love beautiful capitalism? Do you love a fun, inclusive and honest club? Then this is the perfect club for you! Come join the Young Investors Society! Join the facebook page to get involved at Young Investors Society. www.facebook.com/groups/uowyis

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 6

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Formal as F*ck Five quick tips for formal correspondence with future employers:

1. If you write everything in Calibri your

family will disown you and you will never find happiness. Don't be the living embodiment of early 90s Times New Roman

Help

UNDER EMPLOYED

2. Colons are fine; semi-colons show you're trying too hard.

3. Be authentic. If you don't speak te reo

and aren't wanting to learn it, don't copy and paste six phrases in an initial email.

You will get found out.

4. Make a good last impression. Choose

your salutation wisely. "Sincerely", "Faithfully", "Cheers" or "Ngā Mihi" all say different things about you.

5. Banish the first email emoji. Take the time to learn who you are talking to before flooding them with winks and eggplants.

NEXUS NOTES

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SJS Weird Jobs of the Week EASTER CHOCOLATE BRAND AMBASSADOR | NATIONWIDE | FIXED TERM Love chocolate? Well, here’s a ~treat~ for you!

Hopefully you’re allowed to sample everything – being paid to eat chocolate is truly a dream job.

CANTEEN ASSISTANT/CASHIER – WAIKATO UNIVERSITY – ONE-OFF (SAT 23RD) Because I’m sure we would all absolutely love to spend more time than necessary here at uni – though this time surrounded by hangry first-years.

WEEDING – ONE-OFF – HAMILTON *WEDNESDAY* Sadly, this job probably doesn’t contain the kind of weed you’re hoping for. ***PRINCESS/SUPERHERO PARTY ENTERTAINER*** CASUAL – HAMILTON AND AUCKLAND Finally, the chance of becoming a princess or superhero as many of us had hoped and dreamed to be when we were naive little kids.

17

GROW THE FUCK UP So! You’re at university! You’re living in the Halls or in some cramped as fuuuuuck apartment building on or near Cameron Road that still smells like stale liquor. No matter where you’re living in Kirikiriroa (the Māori name for Hamilton - insurance advice and Māori lessons, you’re welcome cuzzies), you’re at uni and yo ass needs to GROW THE FUCK UP! So Aunty Tōmai is here to give you young grasshoppers some advice on insurance.

But first: What the fuck is insurance?

In case you’ve really been living under your parents parirau (wing/s), insurance is money you pay to a company who will provide you with compensation for loss, damage, illness or death. You can pay this in a lump sum annually, weekly, fortnightly or any other payment option that is offered.

Insurance ranges in price but it can be as little as $3 for life insurance to $18 a week for car, home & contents. That’s one pie or box of piss a week; if you can afford them, ya punk ass can afford insurance too. If you make a claim on your insurance, you will have to pay an excess which is the money you need to pay towards your claim. This ranges from $200 - $500 or more depending on the type of insurance and specific claim. Types of insurance range from car and health to travel and pet insurance, but we’re only going to look at the important ones here.

Why do I need it though Aunty Tōmai? I’m sure I’ll be ‘algudz’ at my flat on York St. Uh, no cuz! You will not! That’s what I thought when I lived in that student neighborhood. TRUTH IS, there are thieves that target the areas where us students are plentiful. They know most of us are half-cut no matter what day of the week it is and leave our doors open late at night because we don’t trust ourselves to take our house key into town (or for the hunaaay that’s keeping us warm this week). Take it from someone who knows all too well the effects of having your stuff stolen multiple times and having flatties that don’t really care as it’s not their shit getting taken. You’ve got to look out for yourself fam and your future bank account. Trust me, insurance is the way to do it.

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HOME + CONTENTS

Ok so maybe your lappy is used for Netflix more is used for Panopto and assignments, but you ha you need to protect from the elements and any fingers that may slide through your flat during a key piss up. Home and contents covers the hous you live in if anything happens to it and the poss inside it. Renter’s insurance is the same thing bu be called different things and has different inclus or different levels of cover depending on what p you get insurance with. Like most insurance polic this will come with an excess which is still much than buying a whole new laptop.

CAR / THIR

If you have a car or drive or third party insurance. provider to provider but or damages to your vehi and liability (if you cause cover yo ass). Sooo nece for a new car because so outs then literally burnt will thank past you for b your regular payments.

than it ave stuff sticky low se that sessions ut can sions provider cies, cheaper

RD PARTY

e at all, you NEED to get car . Car insurance differs from t some will only cover any theft icle, whereas others cover that e an accident or damages, they essary if you don’t fancy paying ome low life stole it for burnit for shits and gigs. Future you being on to it and adding this to

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 6

LIFE Yeaaaaah a bit scary but hey, we’re supposed to be growing up, right? That means having conversations that are real, awkward and daunting. We don’t plan for anything fatal to happen to us at uni but sometimes life has other plans for us. Now if you love your Mama, Papa or whoever raised you to be the half-decent adult you are today, this one is for them. If anything happens to you, they will be left to pay the bill and at the same time come to grips with the fact you’re no longer here. The average NZ funeral cost is between $8000 to $10,000.

Yeah, I know, fucking expensive. Weekly payments for this one vary and are dependent on your age, lifestyle, job, family history of illnesses etc. For us young bucks it’s pretty cheap though and can start at around $3 a week. Sacrifice a coffee a week and get it fam!

HEALTH Our government does alright in this department and gives us access to dirt cheap doctors, occasionally free physio and heavily discounted dental. This isn’t as high on my priority list personally because of the sweet discounts we get. However, it’s probably something to consider as we get older in case we require hospital care.

Let’s be real, y’all got your course-related costs and blew that shit in O-week or at least in the first few weeks. It will not be around to save you.

So if you’re not too keen on forking out a few hundred for a new laptop or accidentally rearending someone, go and Google some options while it’s fresh in your mind.

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NEXUS HEALTH @twolabcoats Following

“Two lab coats are better than one” • BSc degrees • Let’s start asking ‘why’ about our health and well-being

How does soap work? Well, here at twolabcoats we’re all about saving the planet and if we can help you save some water by shaving some time of your daily ‘pondering random thoughts in shower time’, we’re happy to help.

We’re almost 100% sure at some time in your life you’ve done the oil and water experiment. This experiment consists of pouring some oil followed by some water into a glass. The oil floats in a separate layer above the water.

When we add soap to this mixture these layers disappear and we are left with one liquid. To fully understand why this happens, we first have to understand some terms hydrophobic, hydrophilic, polar and non-polar.

Hydrophobic means water-hating and hydrophilic means water-loving. Molecules can either be completely one or the other, or made up of both hydrophilic and hydrophobic parts. With polar and non-polar we are, for the sake of this article, only concerned with one rule like likes like. This means that polar molecules like polar molecules, and vice versa with non-polar molecules.

Water is polar and oil is non-polar. As like likes like, when the water and oil are in the glass together, they don’t like it. To summarise, they’re actually pretty full of themselves and only want their own company; hence, we see the two layers. We can think of the oil like our skin, which is naturally oily to protect us from the environment and, I’m sure no explanation is needed here, the water is like the water coming out of the shower head.

We shower because our skin gets dirty, but just standing 20

under water doesn’t necessarily work because the polar water does not mix with the non-polar oil on our skin, and hence we aren’t actually getting clean. This is where soap comes in. Soap molecules have both a hydrophobic and a hydrophilic end so one end hates water and the other doesn’t. The hydrophobic ends of the soap molecule attach to the oil in our skin that gets dirty, while the hydrophilic end attaches to the water coming from the showerhead, allowing us to successfully lift the dirt and wash it down the drain. And just like that, you’re a clean bean again.

NEXUS HEALTH NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 6

Trouble Sleeping?

This article is a bit fucking hypocritical coming from someone who doesn’t go to bed until at least 1am, but if I were to have my shit together and adopt a healthy sleep schedule, this is how I’d go about it.

Chill with the devices You know that old chestnut - turn your devices off at least one hour before bed, don’t sleep with your phone in the room, blah blah. Let’s be realistic, though. Use apple night mode on your phone and laptop! This allows you to adjust your light settings (I have it set for 8pm) to emit more of a sepia glow than a hospital room fluorescent blue-violet vibe. Samsung users, I’m out of my depth, but there’ll be a similar setting. You can also nab some blue light blocking glasses to protect your precious peepers against all that screen time. Before you go to sleep, utilise flight mode so you don’t get bugged by the latest tea until the morning.

Keep your room a haven Try to avoid spending a great deal of time in your room and on your bed during the day; for example, have your Netflix binge in the lounge before retiring to ol’ faithful.

Keep it as your sacred sleeping/sex den so the beautiful moments before sleep feel that little bit more special.

Set the ambiance Get some comfy bed linen, the odd houseplant or two, a scented candle/diffuser, whatever works. That also includes trying to keep on top of the clutter accumulation and keep the place to some standard of hygiene. Wash your sheets every couple of weeks, open your windows regularly to get air flow in, and actually

wash that pile of dirty clothes on the floor. Every few days I like to put three Spotify tracks on, roll up the sleeves, and spruce up the place as much as possible in about six minutes. It’s a patented strategy that works wonders, but tell you what, I’ll let you steal it.

Set your rhythm Your body operates on a biological clock. Aim to go to bed and wake up at roughly the same time each day.

Expose yourself to bright light first thing by springing the curtains open asap, it’ll help to set your circadian rhythms. Avoid caffeine before bed, try to eat dinner a little earlier, and ensure you get your body moving enough during the day so you actually feel tired enough to get a decent snooze.

Calm the fuck down Can’t sleep because your mind won’t shut up? You may find that you keep reflecting on your to-do list well into the wee hours of the morning. Try keeping a notepad on your side table so you can write things down and physically extract them from your brain as they come. Try having a decent stretch session before bed, massaging magnesium cream or lavender oil into the tense bits (or, even better, make somebody else do it for you), and practising some deep breathing/ meditation for a couple minutes. If you’ve been wide awake for yonks, try reading for a little bit, filling out some Nexus puzzles, and remind yourself the goal is to relax - don’t beat yourself up over it.

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NEXUS HEALTH AN ODE TO LUBE One pump two pumps three Lube for you and lube for me Lube for my dildo and your butt plug o’er yonder Lube for his butt and the giver too, I wonder?

Slip, stick, squelch, slop Give me more lube, never stop!

Pump it, dump it Squirt and play Our sex lives are blessed For to lube we pray!

Okay – shite poetry aside, lube is the best thing since Panopto letting you ‘totally catch up on your lectures’ following a night of fishbowls from House. Lube and sex go together like Brad and Angelina (before the breakup) or Kourtney and Scott (before the drugs and infidelity).

You get the gist. Lube is great, and all of your adventures under the covers will be all the more pleasurable when a bottle of lube is added.

I only recently started using lube on a regular basis, and oh my god it’s amazing. No more awkward angles and positioning to get things to work, just whip out the lube and slather that stuff on like you’re dressing a Bunnings snag with a never-ending bottle of ketchup.

Also, hi, I’m a woman with a vagina that sometimes doesn’t cooperate. We’re always told that sex is best when adequately ‘self-lubricated’ but sometimes it just doesn’t happen! That can be super frustrating. Especially when you shaved your legs, wore matching underwear, AND limbered up beforehand. Lube to the rescue.

Lube isn’t only for making the beast with two backs (or three, or five... I don’t know your life). Next time you feed the chickens or have a threesome with a couple of noshows, try adding a lil lube into the mix. Add a couple of drops to your sex toy or the trusty right hand and you’ll be away and cumming like never before.

If you’re keen to get your hands on some lube, head over to adulttoymegastore.co.nz to peruse the huge range of lubricants we have to offer. ATMS is NZ’s largest supplier of sex toys, and ships directly to you. Don’t worry about the postman finding out about what you’ve been buying – all of our packages are plain and discreet. We’re here to make good sex great!

Shop now at adulttoymegastore.co.nz.

Article thanks to Aasha from Adult Toy Mega Store.

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HNEXUS HEALTH NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 6

D I L A V Lube You heard it here first, folks, lube is making a comeback.

Not sure which one to choose? Fear not, we got you.

Ansell Skyn Lubricant Max Performance

The best of the best. Non-sticky, doesn’t leave residue all over your phalanges, pretty cheap, no weird smell, and lasts a long time. This shit seriously feels as velvety smooth as slipping your dick in chocolate mousse.

Durex Play Massage 2 in 1 Lubricant Massage Gel Soothing Aloe Vera

Literally anything labelled salted caramel, strawberry, chocolate, passion, or some other bullshit flavour

Sounds exciting, but don’t be fooled. They do-fuckingnot taste like ‘chocolate delight,’ I promise you that. Extra star for the effort put in, but seriously, most chicks would rather not have synthetic shitty flavours stuck up in their hooha.

“Soothing” my ass! (Don’t take that literally). You know when you reach the bottom of the jelly bowl and you’re just kind of left with weird jelly chunks? That’s what this stuff feels like. It’s also grossly sticky. You may as well keep a flannel by your bed or you’ll be leaving sticky hand marks all over your lover’s bum.

Ansell Lubricant Personal

This stuff gets one star because I’m pretty sure it’s the exact same product that the doctor uses to lather females up for an STI check. It also might remind the ladies who are reading of being 13, trying to use tampons for the first time and navigating the hymen. Read: not sexy.

23

UNINTENDED Sometimes even the best of intentions have unintended consequences. Despite careful consideration, planning, and purity of motive, it turns out to be a mistake. Reality is often more complex than our attempts to give it order.

We are five years in to the University’s decision to go smoke-free, which seems as good a milestone as any to assess how the policy has worked out in reality.

Certain areas around the Hamilton campus have become default smoking areas. Hillcrest road on any given day is where the policy can be seen in action. Students, faculty, and visitors to the University congregate on the sides of the road for their nicotine fix. It is a public roadway and therefore outside the jurisdiction of the University’s smoke-free policy. It is even clearly marked out on the campus smoke-free map as a place you can go to smoke; the question in retrospect is whether this is the image we want to present to the wider community. The road is one of the public faces of the University, regularly used by the general public, local residents, and students from the local primary and secondary schools.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 6

CONSEQUENCES

Luka Love luka@nexusmag.co.nz

For some of these young students, the University will be the next stage of their educational career and the example being set for them of the type of environment they will be stepping into is, at best, a questionable one. The rarefied halls of academia are an exemplar to the wider community, and the question of whether the University has considered this example being set for the malleable minds of the next generation is a stark one.

prides itself on its science programs would stand behind a research-based policy and yet, in the years since implementing the smoke-free policy, it has systematically included all forms of vaping devices and electronic cigarettes. This has had the effect of marginalising their students committed to becoming smoke-free and undercutting their own promise to provide support for students attempting to give up smoking.

In the years since the policy was enacted new devices have risen in popularity to help smokers give up cigarettes. The use of e-cigarettes and vaping devices allow former smokers to receive the nicotine previously provided by smoking but without inhaling ignited plant material. It is well documented that smoking has been linked to various forms of cancer and that the mechanism of carcinogenesis is related to the incineration process. The nicotine replacement devices have the support of the Ministry of Health as an effective alternative to help those who smoke to quit cigarettes. It stands to reason that a University which

A couple of weeks ago Hamilton City Council voted on a resolution to ban smoking and vaping in the city’s public spaces, including Civic Square, Garden Place, and Victoria on the River. Before the vote, an amendment was put forward and subsequently passed by a clear 40% margin to remove vaping from the policy. The councillor who put the amendment forward, Cr Mark Bunting, was quoted by Stuff as saying “I personally don't like the look of vaping but that's not for me to decide in this case.

I think decisions have to be made on sound medical evidence.�

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Auckland City Council was faced with a similar decision in the late stages of last year and voted to ban smoking on beaches, in popular public spaces and in all councillicensed al fresco dining areas affecting over 800 cafés, restaurants, and bars. The policy specifically excluded vaping as vaping devices do not contain tobacco products.

The University of Auckland maintains a similar policy, taking their definition of “smoking” from the New Zealand legislation concerning the issue: The Smokefree Environments Act 1990. That Act sets out the definition of smoking as the incineration of tobacco leaf products or other products derived from plant material, the function of which is primarily inhalation of the smoke.

It excludes incense and, more importantly, it also excludes products “supplied wholly or principally for use as an aid in giving up smoking”. The University of Auckland was, however, careful to implement access provisions to prevent discrimination against students, faculty and visitors who might be forced into a difficult position by their policy; something conspicuously absent from the University of Waikato document.

When the policy was first announced back in 2013, then Vice-Chancellor Roy Crawford was quoted as saying "We’ve planned a long phase-in period to allow for significant communication and consultation with staff and students, including a provision of support for smokers who wish to become smoke-free."

It is anybody’s guess as to how much consultation was actually done and what kind of considerations were made as a part of that process. It is unknown, for instance, whether the University considered the accessibility issues the policy might precipitate for students, faculty, and visitors for whom the arduous trek to the public roadways bordering the University would be challenging. It is also unknown whether that aspect of the policy could be considered to be discriminatory and therefore in conflict with other areas of the University’s 28

own policy documentation. The University of Auckland was conscientious in navigating that area, as were Massey University who created designated smoking areas on their campuses to accommodate accessibility issues.

Nexus spoke to some of the smokers on the roadside and the common refrain was that, given an alternative, they would not choose to smoke out there on the street in full view of the children running past but had been given no alternative.

For five years now the University of Waikato has been a smoke-free environment. This has provided ample time to assess the impacts of the policy. While it contains elements that are mirrored in numerous other policy documents from councils and Universities around the country, the flow-on effects have not been officially addressed here. There is a clear movement around New Zealand for smoke-free environments.

The question that different institutions around the country have set out to answer is how to implement a coherent policy that balances that outcome with the rights of individuals while limiting unintended consequences. Whether the University of Waikato’s policy has achieved that remains to be seen.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 6

Homegrown 2019 Festival

Like any true festy, a few caps must be dropped to kick off a promising night of fuckery. I’ve got to admit that although that opening line makes me sound hardcore, I did not partake in anything illegal this time around. However, the no-doze hit me like a line of cocaine off some bedazzled titties.

Goodreads App Fugly brown, but the progress bars for tracking reading give major word nerd satisfaction.

Although the festival is aptly named Jim Beam Homegrown, it definitely was more like Long Whites and marijuana sponsored the festival. Not a mosh pit went amiss with a cheeky waft of weed lingering in the air, feeling more like a flat party on Snead. It was then that I knew I was home.

To be fair, I can’t say I remembered an awful lot as I made my way to the vomit machine on the waterfront, but my god did my Instagram (@ daniellemarks_). The best part was Dave Dobbyn closing the City Stage by singing some absolute bangers that triggered me to some dusty nights in Shenanigans. He ended the night bringing acts from earlier in the day to sing ‘Welcome Home’. In all honestly, I cried like a drunk little bitch and then headed to town to regain my dignity. 10/10 would recommend.

MSB.1.13 Lecture Theatre Stupid shape, weird placement for lectern/computer.

Sultana biscotti from Momento Food

Dirty John

Read the fucking label of the biscotti you buy because sultanas don’t melt in coffee.

TV Show

Based on a riveting (yet horrifying) true story, Dirty John chronicles the abuse and manipulation perpetrated by John Meehan towards Debra Newell and her family. While the story itself is enough to intrigue true crime fanatics, its delivery could do with some improvement. Juno Temple and Julia Garner do an adequate job of portraying Debra Newell’s daughters, but unfortunately fail to capture the audience’s emotions in the same way that Connie Britton does as Debra. The plot is somewhat disjointed but nonetheless captures our interest from the start. The story alone merits 3 stars, but some care should be taken when portraying such terrible events so as not to oversimplify them.

Man Who Has It All Facebook Page Laugh at the satirical gender politics and then cry when reality sinks in.

29

WHAT DOMINO’S VALUE PIZZA ARE YOU? START

EVER GOT AN A+ ?

N

SURELY YOU GO HARD FOR A NIGHT ON THE BEVVIES?

N

Y

Y

ARE YOU A SHY PERSON?

N

DO YOU OFTEN FIND YOURSELF INVLOVED IN DRAMA?

Y

Y

N

DO YOU OFTEN PICK A MEAT-FREE PIZZA OPTION?

Y CHEESY GARLIC Always trying to be something you’re not, isn’t that right cheesy garlic? Why aren’t you just garlic bread?

30

N BEEF + ONION Through and through good bitch, you’re the real MVP. Frankly, anyone who doesn’t think you’re the shit is bloody wrong.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 6

Y

DO YOU GYM?

N

SKILLED AT RECRUITING ONE NIGHT STANDS?

N

Y

31

New Zealand’s newest band on the reggae scene, Lost Tribe Aotearoa, definitely gained some fans in the Nexus office after their O-Week performance on the Village Green. We had a yarn with Ben about their sound, where they came from, and where they’re going from here.

Nexus: So while you’re a Raglan-based band, you guys actually come from all over NZ! How did the band come to be?

Ben: Well, two of us of are first cousins, and we have been playing music for, I don’t even know, about twenty-five years maybe? And we always played covers and made up our own things. Then we decided last year in December 2017 - just over a year ago - let’s do it properly, so we got some people together and just started the band. Before that we did gigs here and there, but nothing flash.

Nexus: So now you’ve played at the University of Waikato, you’ve obviously reached the peak of New Zealand performance opportunities. Where to from here?

B: Probably Vic Uni...nah hahah! Probably try and hit the festival circuit, that’s the main aim now is to get onto that summer circuit, hit Homegrown and Rhythm and Vines - but we’ve got to build our profile before then. We’re recording our first album this

month and next month, so we’ve got all the songs, got about thirteen songs. We’ve recorded four of them, got an EP with four tracks. Now we’re on thirteen, hopefully it goes off.

Nexus: What’s been the highlight of your career to date?

B: Oh, playing with Sons of Zion was pretty cool, at the end of last year in Hamilton. That was in front of 600 people, so pretty good. Although we did meet Ed Sheeran...we were at the recording studio and they go ‘oh, can we borrow your studio for an hour?’ ‘no,’ ‘ but it’s for someone very famous,’ ‘well who is he?’ ‘well he’s ginger,’ ‘well we can meet him and then he can use our studio for an hour, thank you.’ So that was ‘ello I’m Ed,’ ‘ahh! Oh my gosh!’ Everyone else doesn’t really like him but I love him, so I was just like bring it in man! He may be one of the most famous people in the world, and he’s a midget. Very orange, highlighter orange. Not ginger orange, like actual orange. Although we played Soundsplash this year, rubbing shoulders with Katchafire and Tiki Taane,

FULL EXPOSURE: LOST TRIBE AOTEAROA 32

it was mean. It’s pretty hard to interact because they’re your idols aye, ‘oh my gosh, Katchafire!’ But our drummer’s been around all those fellas, so they actually come up to him, it’s actually pretty cool. So now we’ve just got to get in the group of friends, not quite there yet.

Nexus: Irie is a smashing beat. With over 140,000 streams on Spotify, it seems we aren’t the only ones to think so. Can you tell us a bit about that tune?

B: And 500,000 plays on Youtube! That’s actually the first song we wrote. We wrote a few songs before the band actually started, but then when the band got together, we played our gig and then Cornerstone Roots from Raglan asked us to play with them on Boxing Day, so it was like ‘oh fuck, we need to write some songs.’ I lived in Taupo at the time and we were playing our songs, and then our little cousin, who wasn’t in the band, was like ‘I’ll come up for a sing,’ and literally played the start of that song, just randomly, and then he started singing Irie. And I was like ‘you’re in the band,’ literally like that. This is two weeks out from a major gig, and so me and him

sat down by the lake and wrote heaps of songs, and that’s how I restarted, just off the cuff...It won a radio competition - we entered it, we’d literally recorded it, and the cousin randomly entered it into Mai FM Big Break Competition, and we won it, which was like, ‘oh shit!’ so a rap station, all hip hop and R&B and that, and we put ours in. We were the first entry, and we came first. It was playing quite a lot on there, so that was pretty good, good having mainstream radio.

That’s kind of the key really.

Nexus: What messages do you aim to share with your music?

B: Probably just like positivity, unity, and there are some, what would you call it, underlying tones of some songs that you associate with reggae. There’s a few of those, even in Irie.

Nexus: Last question - best chips to eat Kiwi dip with?

B: Oh shit, the real deep stuff. The thick ones, the thick cut sour cream and chives. Or ready salted.

Check out Lost Tribe Aotearoa on Spotify, Youtube, Facebook and Instagram (@losttribeaotearoa)

SOCIAL SMOKER

Full sure

Every breath you take is a breath closer to death, and when that breath is filled with fucking poison, you’re only hurting yourself.

Actually, that’s not true. Your smoking harms others, according to current cigarette packaging.

Aside from the fact that every cigarette is doing you damage, the packaging and tax on a twenty pack of Marlboros is now hideous (as though the stench wasn’t before). Smoking is out, and healthy lungs are the height of moral purity.

Think of it this way, even though it is no doubt pitch black inside your chest cavity, your lungs are a soft, pretty pink. Scientific or not, your beautiful lungs pulse like the wings of a newly hatched butterfly, warming its wings to fly with every inhale and exhale—if you possess the self-restraint to never even try a cigarette. Wanky poetic melodrama aside, listen carefully when I say “Young-lunged reader, do not even start.” If you are a fresh-faced first year, or a mature student coming to study later in life, if you have healthy lungs, do not even start. Let me repeat that a third time; do not even start smoking. What if you already smoke?

You can quit. Doctors have nicotine gum and patches and can provide information to help you improve your lungs. Every breath you take is one more breath in this world, and every breath should keep you alive. Keep your inhalations healthy - your lungs will thank you for it.

expo-

HEALTHY LUNGS

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There’s nothing quite like being a social smoker! What can be better than raxing half a pack of durries off a mate (or, to be honest, just anyone at the party will do) EVERY Saturday night, with the excuse that you “don’t normally smoke” so you can be a cheap cunt and not pay for them yourself? If you have social anxiety problems, then hey, this might just be the avoidance strategy for you. When you light up, you’ll avoid having to front up to your sub-par conversational skills and that weird sensation where you don’t really know what to do with your hands. You’ll also avoid the hassle of telling the doc you’re a smoker, because if you only smoke a pack one night a week, you’ve never *really* touched one, right? After all, any bad behaviour that happens on a Saturday night out doesn’t count. Sure, ciggies are toxic, expenny, bad for the environment, make your mouth taste gross, give you nausea-inducing head spins, and cut a few years off your life.

However, social smokers can totally argue that they practically don’t get ANY of the bad bits; “I only smoke when I drink” is most definitely an acceptable, pardonable excuse. Hey, if all else fails, you’ve got to die of something. At least you’re not tripping on acid or dropping caps...right?

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 6

MacDonald. Not to be overshadowed, the inconsistent Chiefs annihilated the Bulls in Pretoria.

Heading into week 7 Super Rugby may be on the verge of doing something it hasn’t done for over a decade. It may actually start to be entertaining. Yes, the Crusaders remain at the top of the table, and along with the Lions seem destined to crush everything on their way to a final. But that’s not what’s so surprising about this year’s tournament.

Part of this is the recent resurgence of the Blues, including the recent win over the Highlanders in Auckland. This is more remarkable when you consider the Blues were at the bottom of the 2018 New Zealand conference, and 15th place overall. Comparatively, they actually look like a rugby team under new coach Leon

NEXUS SPORTS FACT

FAKE IT

There have been three Olympic Games held in countries that no longer ‘exist’ - the Soviet Union in 1980, Yugoslavia in 1984, and West Germany in 1972.

Don't know how to sport?

Golf:

. A group of grown men and women walk around a 7km course hitting small plastic balls into holes in the ground.

. One of the only sports where the athlete gets paid millions to stand still.

. Also one of the few sports where the person with the lowest score wins.

. The driver is apparently not in charge of manning the golf cart, it’s the name of one of the clubs used to wack the ball.

. Eagle, Albatross, and Birdie are not called out in reference to some flying animals on the course - rather, they’re the names of different golf scores.

. Cheering is discouraged; don’t distract from the intense focus needed to hit a ball.

As for the boring teams, the Crusaders, Highlanders, and Chiefs have been relatively on par with their expected finishes from last season. Perhaps the biggest news in Super Rugby is the22nd of March announcement that Japan’s Sunwolves will be booted from the competition’s ranks at the end of 2020, establishing the return to the 14-team system, and a return to standard pool play.

Paired with the chatter of changing team names, and which players will be the big names to look out for in the Rugby World Cup in Tokyo later this year, this Super Rugby season is almost worth watching. Almost.

HIGH FIVE!

Starting from the bottom but are the Blues (finally) here?

As for the Hurricanes, results have been relatively scattered. A narrow win over the Waratahs, a thrashing from the Crusaders, and a bloody marvellous win over the Brumbies; all before only narrowly beating the Highlanders, and drawing with the Chiefs. But this is the normal start to the season for the Canes with weekly variation in play quality and team cohesion.

Top 5 Divers in World Football 5. Neymar - His impressive ability to roll on the ground clutching a body part like he’s been shot in the middle of a warzone is second only to his knack for conning people into believing the slight brush of his arm was a full-blown right hook to the jaw.

4. Cristiano Ronaldo - With a face like that and his majestic dives he should be a shoe-in for an Oscar (seriously, have you seen how beautiful this man is).

3. Arjen Robben - The only thing more obvious than the fact he only ever shoots with his left foot is his Olympic style dives that would earn him gold in any event. His dive against Mexico which led to a lastminute penalty in the 2010 FIFA World Cup is just one of many examples.

2. Luis Suarez - When this striker isn’t biting opposition during World Cup games (don’t ask), he’s falling down to the floor easier than a baby giraffe after birth.

1. Mohamed Salah - If only his goal scoring form this season was as good as his ability to suddenly forget was balance is, Liverpool would be winning the Premier League by a landslide.

35

Random Audit MATHS101 - Introduction to Calculus For the sake of banter, I (an English major) thought it would be entertaining to sneak my way into a maths lecture. Stumbling upon MATHS101, the paper title - extremely misleading in my opinion - made the course seem easy enough. First year maths? Should be simple. Oh, how I was so wrong. Barely passing statistics in high school and thereby steering clear of any form of mathematics - and even numbers - I didn’t expect this one-hour lecture to be much fun in the first place.

As a third-year English student, I felt as if I were trespassing when wandering into the lecture room - I was convinced that everyone knew I was an intruder, irrationally fearing an angry mob of math nerds to tackle me to the ground and drag me out the room. Incognito mode activated, I successfully snuck to the back of the class - luckily without being ambushed.

Defeatedly slumped at the back of the room, I began preparing myself for the advancing onslaught of pure confusion, (stupidly) hoping that I wouldn’t be forced to do actual math equations. Though a couple minutes into the lecture, I was already daydreaming about getting the hell out of there. Implicit differentiation, related rates problems, higher derivatives - what on earth is going on? This was far too much for me to handle on a Wednesday morning. I’ve always known that maths became (even more so) unbearable as soon as they started adding in letters, and MATHS101 merely solidified this keen knowledge of mine.

Moral of the story is, math sucks (I continue to agree with my teen self), so kudos to those pursuing a maths degree - I really don’t understand how you guys keep sane. I think it’s safe to say that I won’t be changing my degree to maths any time soon.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 6

CAMPUS FASHION

WHO WORE IT BETTER? LIBRARIAN 1

VS

Danielle Marks danielle@nexusmag.co.nz

LIBRARIAN 2

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WAIKAT FLATS FOX STREET FILTH

38

Tucked away on Fox Street lies the diamond in the rough of Hamilton East. Sure, the bathroom was beyond questionable, it kind of looked like the aftermath of a heavy drinking session despite being a Tuesday afternoon, and we’re really not sure if the landlord signed off on the sixth boy living in the garage of a five-person flat...but, with the strong bonds of laddish love between the flatties, the place is practically a palace.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 6

39

A PUNCH IN THE FACE WITH A FISTFUL OF FLAVOUR

UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO STAFF AND STUDENTS PAY

JUST $1.70 ONE WAY ON BUSES IN HAMILTON WITH A BUSIT CARD.

JUST SHOW THE BUS DRIVER YOUR UNI ID TO RECEIVE THE DISCOUNT.

ARIES MAR 21 - APR 19 The moon is entering your realm this week and you’re receiving messages loud and clear. Unfortunately, all they seem to be saying is that you’re a bitch.

LIBRA SEP 23 - OCT 22 With great power comes great responsibility. For maximum impact, wait for them to finish speaking before hitting them with all the reasons why they’re fucking stupid.

TAURUS APR 20 - MAY 20 Society is a hierarchy, and life is purely a struggle to survive. Be sure to trample everyone in your efforts to make it to the top; everyone will definitely respect you more.

SCORPIO OCT 23 - NOV 21 The universe is always sending us messages if we only know how to listen.

While you may not have acquired this skill just yet, there’s definitely some illicit substances to be found in your realm that will help.

GEMINI MAY 21 - JUN 20 Adventure is calling your name, Gemini, but you must resist. As much as you yearn for social inclusion, showing up at a random flat party purely for invites could have some unfortunate consequences.

SAGITTARIUS NOV 22 - DEC 21 As we approach the mid-semester break, you are feeling full of confidence for the rest of the year ahead - but stay grounded, or it will hurt real bad when you crash and burn.

CANCER JUN 21 - JUL 22 Initiative runs powerfully within you, but this must be harnessed. Listen to some fucking instructions for once in your life and maybe you’ll earn the praise you so greatly desire.

CAPRICORN DEC 22 - JAN 19 For reasons unbeknownst to us mere mortals, you have somehow managed to survive what seems to be a six-week bender. We recommend thanking a higher power, or next week shall see you suffer the consequences.

LEO JUL 23 - AUG 22 There are eyes and ears everywhere, dear Leo, and you are not immune. Be cautious with who you confide in, for it may result in your unemployment and/ or loss of friends. Maybe both, who knows?

AQUARIUS JAN 20 - FEB 18 Your circle must look to you for leadership, for you are beautiful and fearless. Continue on with this knowledge, but don’t let it get to your head; no one likes a big ego.

VIRGO AUG 23 - SEP 22 Nature is beckoning to you this week, and our crystal ball sees you seizing a fresh opportunity. While others may not understand your methods, nude meditation by the uni lakes is sure to clear the mind.

PISCES FEB 19 - MAR 20 You feel your maturity is far beyond your years, but our stars say differently - so young and sweet, you should learn to listen to your elders, for it is you who is the annoying, childish one.

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Created with TheTeachersCorner.net Word Search M NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 6

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HAUORAHINENGARO MANAWAORA ORANGATONUTANGA MANAWA Kia mau ki te aroha, hei aha te aha!

TIHEIMAURIORA Hold fast to love - forsake all else!

NGOI Ōtautahi - Christchurch TAPU- now used as the Māori name Aotearoa

WORD LOCATOR

KAIWHAKAMAHEREORA HAUORA Aroha - love ORANGANGĀKAU Rangimārie - peace, harmony WHAKATĀ Whatumanawa - heart MAURI Whakaaro - thoughts WAIRUA Roimata - tears MĀRAMATANGA Mōrehu - survivors

KAMUPŪTU MĀTAIHINENGARO Pūmau - faithful NGĀKAU Hohoutia te rongo - to make peace HĀ Manaaki - give hospitality to IHI MANA

for New Zealand

Kotahitanga - solidarity

Niu Tīreni - Aotearoa/New Zealand

Ahakoa ko wai - no matter who you are

Wheao a Ihirama - followers of Islam

Ahakoa nō hea - no matter where you come from

Ira tangata - human element

Tapatahi - be united

Ira atua - supernatural element

Ngākaupai - good hearted 43

SNAPPED

Keen for some free BurgerFuel? Simply snap us the shitfest of your student lifestyle for the chance to win. Prizes can be claimed from the SUB

WINNER

44

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 6

BLIND DATE She’s a high-achieving Northland golden girl (yep, it sounds like an oxymoron) with a killer smile. He’s the curly-haired Romeo, tipped off to Nexus as a commitment-phobe who’s “ready to find the one.” Find out how the night went...pretty juicy hearing the tale from both sides, ain’t it?

SHE SAID: Where do I begin...Was planning on having a few drinks before hand, but ended up downing my scrump on the way there. When I rocked up and saw his pedo stache, I realised the car ride there was the only ride I was getting tonight.

Pedo stache aside, I still had hope for the date, until he got up and gave me a hug that was more awkward than my Year 8 social slow dance. At this point I came to the realization that my plan of attack was no longer a go, instead I focused on making the most out of the bar tab. However, whilst I was getting pissed, he was trying to be the man drinking straight whiskey that was so watered down; I felt like more of a man than him.

Amongst my many toilet breaks, he was a great yarn despite the fact that he was from Katikati and still had the audacity to mock my small town in the mighty Naughty North. I couldn't help but think that he was judging my many toilet breaks, but a girl needs her gossip sessions. We soon used up the bar tab, and got asked to join my floors table...And here is where things started to go down hill. I thought it would be a great idea to vortex the water bottle, but turns out he did not appreciate it and actually called me crazy to my mates. By the end of the date I was over it and just wanted to go back to my hall boy, but was forced to sit there awkwardly while my floor seemed to have more fun talking to him than me.

All in all I can’t really complain, loves a Tuesday on the piss. Thanks Nexus.

HE SAID: So I get to the place and the waitress showed me to the table. About ten minutes later my date rocked up with a whole entourage of friends, which I didn’t really see the point in them being there. But when she sat down she had a great sense of humour and there was never really a dull moment plus she looked great. It turned out that she was from Dargaville and I was really surprised. I mean, she must’ve been the only person out of the seventeen who live there with the right number of fingers. But then her friends came into the equation… Whenever she went to the bathroom her friends would follow, and they were constantly messaging her during the night which went down like a granny on a staircase. We got to talking about our degrees and she mentioned she had been Head Girl of her last school and was at uni on an academic scholarship, and I was really impressed for a second because I thought she wouldn’t be able to pull off sarcasm like that. Shortly after, her friends came over and asked if we’d like to join their table. Now I don’t want to seem rude, but I sincerely believe that taking a bath with a toaster would’ve been more fun than joining their table.

The date more or less ended with her friends doing all the talking. Man, I would rather be on my knees searching for landmines with a hammer than be seated at that table again. Don’t get me wrong, her friends seemed like great people, but there’s only so much to talk about when you’re sitting at a table with six strangers. Overall it was a decent night and she was a great girl, but next time the baggage should stay home.

Brought to you by House on Hood. If you're keen for a Blind Date, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz 45

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FLETCH VAUGHAN MEGAN

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