Nexus 2015 Issue 06 by Nexus Magazine

N.06 / V.47

Clarence Street 7am – 10pm, 7 days a week. Phone (07) 839-4056

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20 APRIL 2015 DRAMA ISSUE Editor Jessica Wilson editor@nexusmag.co.nz Design Olivia Paris design@nexusmag.co.nz Deputy Editors Brittany Rose and Jules Craft Managing Editor James Raffan News Editor Sam Marelich

01 EDITORIAL Got Milk?

03 NEWS

Sharp Decline in Campbell Live Ratings Ultimate Cause of Demise

07 SPORTS The Warriors $800,000 Man

08 ENTERTAINMENT Horoscopes / Trending on Twitter/ What’s Hot What’s Not / Beats by J

Contributors Casey Dunstan Ty Hart Chris Reive Chris Kader Richard Swainson Jared Wooldridge Caitlin Orton Melissa Stevens Kelsie Morland Hp Peter Dornauf Jackson Houlihan Danya East Samantha Brill James Brodie Aunty Slut Emma Nygard Drunk Professor Rebecca Pollard Resident Gay Johnny Ryan Agony Art, (archive) Blair Munroe (archive) Zac Lyon Shannon Stewart Sarah Hyde Priscilla Davis-Ngatai Alix Higby Interns Ashleigh Matthews Jessamy Topping Johnny Ryan Cover Artwork Abee Jenson Photography Cameron Robinson Advertising Andrew James aj@wsu.org.nz Offices Ground Floor, Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton Online nexusmag.co.nz facebook.com/nexusNZ @nexusmag Spotify: nexusmagazine

11 REVIEWS

Foxcatcher / Get Hard / Yik Yak / Red Queen

14 ARTS On The Fringe

15 AUTEUR

Notable Director/Actor Collaboration

16 FEATURES

My Week on a Movie Set / Woman vs. Woman / Pizza Don’t Leave Me

22 YOUR SPACE Lonely Ladies: HIllcrest

24 COLUMNS

The Single Life / Aunty Slut / The Weekly Grind / She’s Abroad / Confessions of James Brodie

32 50 YEARS OF NEXUS 2008: Agongy Art / Sarcophagus Rex

35 COOKING Slow Roast Lamb

36 CARE

Clubs / Advocacy / Representation / Experience

38 SNAPPED Send us your snaps!

40 PUZZLES

Editorial NEXUS MAGAZINE

Got Milk? Jess Wilson

Recently it came to our attention that Jules may simply be three skunks in a man-suit. This would explain his smell and fascinating attraction to garbage clothing. Jules denies that he is simply three high-functioning skunks in a man-suit, however Jules is a filthy liar and is not to be trusted. Another rumour was spread that Jessica, also known as me,

The Nexus office is fuelled by drama. We soak it up like

is very good looking. This rumour was later confirmed by

sponges to a milk spill, or cats to a milk spill, or vegans to

simply looking at her. She’s like warm cocoa on a winter’s

a soymilk spill. Working in the Nexus office is much like

day.

being in high school. We all act very kindly to one another, but underneath our toothy grins is the harsh reality that we wouldn’t mind if one of us were shot by an evil ostrich with opposable thumbs. The ostriches are evolving rapidly. Be afraid.

This concludes the intro to my editorial. Hopefully by now you are beginning to understand that this issue is about drama. There are two types of people in this world (or one if you’re a pseudo-humanist): Dramas and Non-Dramas. The

We’re witty, or qwitty as an English major would say, in

Dramas enjoy bonding over heartfelt hatred and/or blissful

our detest for one another — masterfully pinpointing each

annoyance of others. Dramas can often be found in PWC

other’s insecurities and laughing about them over a beersie

attending management lectures, or at Momento buying

or two (is beersie still a thing?).

shitty coffee. Dramas are entertaining to hang out with, but

We’ve had a lot of drama around the office. For example, last

tend to talk about you when you’re not there.

year, it went around the Nexus headquarters that Alix is a

The Non-Dramas enjoy talking about the weather and

man. It was believable as she lacked any resemblance to the

forgetting to ask how your day was. Non-Dramas pack their

male race. The perfect disguise. Later we found out that she

lunch and think gender studies is a legitimate degree (I’m

had been spreading these rumours to cover up the fact she

not saying it isn’t). Beware of the Non-Dramas because all

has a tail positioned on her behind — either that, or she is a

effort you put into a relationship with them will never be

backwards man. The jury’s still out on whether Alix is a dude.

matched. They’re boring.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Lettuce

Tinder

Daniel is Back Bitches

Deezy Fo Sheezey

Daniel Farrell, aka Obituary Man

Tinder Boys. Omg, I used tinder seriously for about a month, never meet

Hey Nexus,

boys other than the ones I already knew but now I just use it to start silly little conversations, most of which involve they guys saying stuff like “lets have sex” boys plz

You know how I wrote an obituary to Contact FM a couple weeks back? Well, I’m back, and I’m writing another obituary — this time to student use of public transport in Hamilton. For a bit of context, I wrote a submission to the Waikato Regional Council last year,

Dornauf Ingoa Kaore

suggesting that their Regional Public Transport Plan needed to allow for a tertiary concession. The draft plan only allowed for a concession during off-peak times, if the University funded it - this after the University had already said it was “difficult” to see a business case for funding this. I submitted, as the WSU did, saying this concession should be available at all time, irrespective of whether there is funding from the University.

Dornauf is a Dickhead. And like a mushroom, the Dickhead thrives in damp dark corners. BTW, Nexus is looking good, other than Dickhead Dornauf.

When I presented my submission to the Council’s Hearings Committee, they appeared to be receptive. It seems that this was false hope. I noticed an agenda paper for the Council that noted the RPTP had been passed by Council, and those areas had been unchanged. Yes, there’s a fare review taking place, but when a

Feed Jerry Also Lookin’ for Jerry

ten-year plan suggests something should have restrictions making it unusable, it’ll probably happen. So, to my obituary. Students not only can’t afford public transport, but it’s also cheaper to drive. About $200 a year cheaper for a student living in Hamilton East. And when there’s only a concession during off-peak times, you need to find a

Pretty sure no one’s fed Jerry. Can the office look into this. Thanks

transport option during on-peak times. And once you’ve invested the fixed costs in that transport option, you’re going to use it more often than not. According to data from the Waikato Regional Council, less than 5% of UoW

Entertainment? A fan who is occasionally critical

students use public transport. Over the next ten years, I suspect that’s going to plunge even further. So RIP student use of public transport. We tried to resuscitate you, but the powers that be put a bullet in your head anyway. Much love in this time of mourning,

I’m not sure if there is someone specificaly who creates the entertainemt section but I just want to tell them to stop trying so hard. The playlist thing is cool. It’s actually introduced me to some music and I do like the horoscopes and the quotes but I just don’t get some of the other stuff. Trending on twitter? I use twitter and I don’t see any of that, it’s just random. Those sex tip things were weird too. I think for the most part Nexus is doing a

Where’s Jerry Lookin’ for Jerry

great job. It is definitely a younger magazine than it was last year too but entertainment should give me a gig guide, or a deconstruction on popular

Hey guys.

culture. Tell me some websites to visit or more of the trivia questions, bring

Haven’t seen Jerry around much this week.

back a comic strip!. I might be alone here but I am just looking fir more

He still work for you?

entertainment in my entertainment.

Disclaimer Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the

Hi it’s Jerry

writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or

Jerry

own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or

opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter

I’m still alive. Owners forgot to feed me for all of teaching recess. Sustained myself on grass. Really wish it were lettuce.

N.06 / V.47

which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech. Email your lettuce to lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz

News NEXUS MAGAZINE

NEXUS NEWS NEWS FEATURE If 7pm at the dinner table isn’t comfortable enough and we need something more light hearted, then of course Seven Sharp (or a Jono & Ben style show) is going to be more successful than Campbell Live. Last year Facebook responded to survey results saying that people were sick of having their feeds clogged with clickbait articles. Changes made to how posts were structured had a major effect on publishers such as Upworthy who are now looking at changing their strategy to move away from clickbaiting. However the site’s market model is built around emphasing positive emotions and provoking further reading which is pretty in line with the general direction of media outlets towards sensationalism. If the demise of Campbell Live teaches us anything, it should be that unless we all get interested in real issues, we can expect more of Paul Henry making fun of foreign names and female facial hair.

SHARP DECLINE IN CAMPBELL LIVE RATINGS ULTIMATE CAUSE OF DEMISE

SIDE NOTE Do you care that Campbell Live may be axed from TV3? Corey Sehnert, Cafe worker Yes I quite like watching it because it covers stories that aren’t in the news.

Casey Dunstan

We’ve all had our dealings with clickbait, whether it’s that Upworthy article that

Tino, Horticulture & Hydroponics

promises to both amaze and horrify you, or a barrage of news headlines that give

Yeah, hard. I think it’s good that people have a

away nothing of their actual story. Whatever your experiences, you’re most likely

voice and you can go through him to be heard.

fairly sick of it.

At least some people can listen. You need more

As an informed and educated university student you are interested in real current affairs and hard journalism. For this reason, you are likely mad enough about the whole John Campbell ordeal to go out singing and signing petitions to keep him on.

of that. Jamie Moore, Alumni Yeah, from the little that I’ve watched I think he’s got genuine quality. We need him, it’s good

But the cold reality is that we don’t really care about professional journalism that

to have that as opposed to the light fluffy stuff

much. While many of us signed a petition, far less of us tuned in to watch his show

Seven Sharp has.

and boost ratings. Most of us will instead click on articles about the health benefits of eating semen or tune in to Seven Sharp for an “ironic” giggle with Mike Hosking.

Kora James, Business/Management

Sure, sensationalism and clickbait are ugly phenomena which threaten real news

I dunno, what’s that? I don’t really watch the news

and journalism, but they are market driven and show us just how disinterested we

much so it doesn’t bother me.

are in current affairs. In an article by PushOne on the Great Clickbait Debate, the most shared news stories from DailyMail were listed. They tended to feature sex, pets, or freak occurrences. Are we the villains though? I think about how I spend my ten minute break after several hours on my feet and it doesn’t involve picking a newspaper to read about the Californian drought. I’ll more likely hit up Facebook and watch

Nitika Bothra, Business/Management I’m indifferent, I’m too busy studying. I don’t have time to watch it!

some adorable kitten getting into mischief. It seems that serious news and critical thought should have a time and place but we don’t have the space for engagement. 3

NEXUS MAGAZINE News

NEWS

RETURN OF THE MAC? A few weeks ago Nexus and John Campbell shared their outrage over zero hour contracts and how they were a form of indentured servitude for the poor. It might seem a little boastful to suggest that we were the harbingers of social justice and employment reform, but since we made our stand Carls Jr, Starbucks, KFC, Pizza Hut, and Burger King have all abolished Zero Hour Contracts. McDonalds has taken a slightly different approach by trying to come to a compromise that is good for the business. This in turn led to strikes and union action last week. Let’s not forget that McDonalds is a world leading multi-national with larger real-estate holdings than most mid-sized countries, so every dollar counts. Apparently paying employees a living wage with set hours might be a bridge too far. Instead McDonalds are looking to guarantee 80% of hours on Zero Contracts. Which sounds great until you do the math...

CYBER BULLY THIS

The average McDonalds crew member paid a minimum wage of 14.75 an hour

Ty Hart

income of just over $21,000, or a take home pay of around 408.25 per week.

would be guaranteed 32 hours of a 40 hour week. This means an annual net

That is before kiwisaver, student loans and any other expenses. Which might still Nothing brings me more pleasure than jumping onto the multiplayer

be bearable, except the average profile of a fast food worker has shifted and is

servers of my favourite online game and having prepubescent boys scream

now someone in their late 20s to early 30s who have this as the primary income

obscenities at me about my mother and my sexuality. (But fortunately not

for them, and often times their families.

my dismal grades this semester). However as we all know, online abuse doesn’t stop at the log off screen. In

Nobody is denying that Big Macs are delicious, but it appears that when it comes to McDonalds the ones that aren’t “Lovin’ It” are the ones who have to work there.

a world where Facebook friends can message you instantly to your phone or tablet, social media can easily become a platform for bullying and abuse. This point was illustrated quite distinctly last year after the tragic suicide became an ambassador against cyber bullying after her vicious battle with

LET TONY STICK IT IN… OR ELSE

Twitter ‘trolls’ in late 2012. This earlier battle had previously seen her make

Sam Marelich

of TV personality Charlotte Dawson. In the last few years of her life, she

a failed attempt to end her own life. Parliament has decided to do something about all this and the wheels of

Tony Abbott recently announced that the Australian government has plans to

legal change are starting to spin with the Harmful Digital Communications

stop welfare payments and childcare rebates to families that refuse to have their

Bill passing its second reading last Tuesday before Parliament. This Bill

children vaccinated.

would make it an offence sending any messages or material intended to cause harm, punishable by up to 2 years Imprisonment or a $2000 fine. On one hand, it would seem that this Bill signals an acknowledgement by Parliament that cyber bullying is a problem that needs to be addressed by definitive action from the top. However, the Opposition (specifically Labour and NZ First) have voiced concerns that the Bill will limit free speech and make criminals out of teenagers (because they don’t already do that themselves). Such concerns seem valid against a Government that has suffered recent embarrassment

With a potential cost to parents who don’t comply of up to $15k a year, the government aims at stopping the stupidity of the past few years where parents decided that vaccines weren’t any good — mother knows best after all. People who are unable to get vaccinated due to medical grounds will continue to receive government payments. The anti-vaccination movement has gained traction in the past few years, fuelled by a widespread misbelief that vaccines can cause autism. In Queensland alone 4,000 parents raised ‘ethical’ objections.

as allegations surfaced that New Zealand had been spying on Pacific

Abbott’s announcement is controversial because it is an initiative to mass medicate

Neighbours on behalf of the Five-Eyes Alliance.

the population. In a way it’s very similar to the vigorous anti-fluoride campaigners

It seems that the whole issue comes down to balance. Sure, the prepubescent young gentleman who frequent everyone’s favourite online games probably don’t deserve to be thrown before the Courts. But in an

in Hamilton in the past two years. Despite assurances from qualified professionals with decades of experience in their chosen fields, some people just want to be free to choose what they want.

age where hitting the ‘Send’ button can literally break apart someone’s life,

That said, if you can perform the mental gymnastics that expose your child to

it’s a good thing that our Government is finally making some noise about

goodies like mumps, measles, and rubella maybe you shouldn’t be allowed to

the issue.

make your own decisions.

N.06 / V.47

News NEXUS MAGAZINE

NEWS FROM THE UNIVERSITY

DON’T BE ALARMED — EMERGENCY SIREN TEST WEDNESDAY

UNIVERSITY CLOSED MONDAY FOR ANZAC

At 4.30pm on Wednesday 22 April, the University

be no scheduled classes or tutorials this day.

The University will be closed on Monday 27 April for the ANZAC holiday (ANZAC Day is Saturday 25 April). Please note there will

will test its emergency communications channels, including a new loud siren. The siren will sound for three minutes and is similar to those used by volunteer fire brigades. Staff and students will also receive messages via email and text message. In future, the siren will be used to signal a campus lock-down, so it is important to make yourself familiar with the sound.

NEED A JUSTICE OF THE PEACE? In response to increasing demand for Justice of the Peace (JP) services, a JP drop-in clinic will run in the Student Centre twice a week throughout 2015 in M2.09 (foyer by the lift) on Tuesdays from 12–1pm and Thursdays from 1–2pm. No appointment is necessary, just look for the sign in the Student Centre foyer and drop in.

TERTIARY CHALLENGE — REGISTER THIS WEEK Registrations are now open for the Northern Tertiary Challenge 2015. This one-day inter-tertiary sporting event will be held in Auckland on Friday 22 May. All sports are mixed-gender and include netball, volleyball, hockey, touch, football, basketball and ultimate frisbee. Registrations close Thursday 30 April — get in quick so you don’t miss out. Download the registration form at http://tinyurl.com/m3godgg. For more information contact Kayla Wilson at kayla@waikato.ac.nz or visit www.facebook. com/SportWaikatoUniversity

FREE LECTURE BY ROSETTA PROJECT ENGINEER — THURSDAY Australian avionics systems engineer Warwick Holmes, who helped build and launch the Rosetta space craft that successfully landed a probe on a comet (Comet-67P), is giving free public lectures this week at the University. Mr Holmes will talk about the Rosetta mission,

SMOKEFREE CAMPUS The Hamilton campus is Smokefree; part of our commitment to provide a healthy environment for all campus users. If you smoke, please leave the campus grounds before lighting up. If you’re thinking about quitting, call Quitline on 0800 778 778 or visit www.quit.org.nz for free advice and support, or call into the Campus Pharmacy or the Student Health Service.

other aspects of space exploration and the opportunities for science and engineers. The lecture is on Thursday 23 April at 6pm in the Academy. If you would like to attend RSVP to rsvp@waikato.ac.nz with ‘Space lecture’ in the subject line. Mr Holmes will also be “cooking a comet” at a lecture for secondary school students taking place on the same day, at 12.45pm in the Academy, to which all University students are also welcome. 5

NEXUS MAGAZINE Not News

REDACTED UNIVERSITY DOCUMENTS

HAIKU NEWS

Every now and then our undercover operatives in the University unearth something that is worth

News stories you may have missed presented to you

knowing. We have had to black out the names to protect the innocent and things of a devious, sexual,

in the Japanese Art of Haiku

illegal or unprintable nature to protect ourselves from getting fired but sometimes the risk of publishing this information is outweighed by the benefit to you humble students. This is one of those times.

THE UNIVERSITY OF @@@@@@@ THE OFFICE OF THE VICE-@@@@@@ INTERNAL MEMORANDUM

To: All Staff — Except @@@@@ Fuck those guys. From: Neil “Quigsy” Quigley, Baller

Shooter, 73, “pay to play” cop

Date: @@@@ 12th @@@@ 2015

Old deputy draws

Subject: Paid Parking and The Christmas Party “incident”

“Tasers use bullets?”

Can’t tell his sidearms apart

Woolworths Get Fresh Hi everyone. I haven’t got around to meeting some / any of you yet. But you can call me

ANZAC tragedies:

Quigsy or Q. Some of you may have heard a rumor that I am introducing paid parking for

Grumpy Cat, Aussie bowl, death.

some staff. This is a vicious rumor started by @@@@@ @@@@@@@. Which is just one of

Yes, in that order.

many reasons no one sits with him at lunch (Laughing Out Loud!). The truth is I am probably introducing paid parking for all staff, students, the homeless, anyone who isn’t @@@@@ @@@@ she scares the fuck out of me! (Rolling On The Floor Laughing). What you may not know is that I am not doing this because I want to. I’m doing it because Jim said I have too. It appears that we blew most of this year’s budget at the last Christmas Party. One that I wasn’t even here for ((sadface emoji)). Speaking of last year’s Christmas party I need to lay down some rules: 1. From now on there will be no further attempts at exorcism. I’m looking at you School of Law! Also @@@@ @@@@ you actually call Ghostbusters on the phone when things happen you don’t just yell ghostbusters, ghostbusters! I mean for god sakes you were an actual judge once. 2. FMD I don’t even know how you managed to import a @@@@ @@@@ @@@ but it’s

$93k worth of bull semen stolen Market for white gold. Jerk off some thoroughbred bulls, Pay off student loan.

been four months, she gets back on the boat tomorrow. 3. Computer Mathematical Sciences the things you did with @@@@@ @@@ @@@ were beyond despicable. That Donkey can never use its nose again I hope you’re all happy. 4. Finally to @@@@@@ @@@@ @@@ when asked how the @@@@ and @@@@@@@ got to the party the correct response was not “There is no coke or hookers because all of existence is simply a creation of my own mind…. Descartes bitches.” Back on topic. We understand some of you have raised concerns about the parking but it’s like my favourtite musicians, the Wu-Tang Clan, always sing “Cash Rules Everything Around Me Cream, Get The Money Dollar Dollar Bill Ya’ll” and look on the bright side we can all afford it. It’s not like we are students. Except maybe you guys at @@@ @@@ @@@@ your faculty

Running of the Sheep brings big crowd to Te Kuiti

is criminally underpaid but we don’t really care.

Like a brothel’s doors, The paddocks are thrown open.

Anyway if you want to discuss it further you should all have received my email with my office

Free lambskin condoms?

hours, email address, beebo, myspace and tweeting accounts. Miss World NZ finalist entered pageant to build Yours in the spirit of Gryphondor, LOL (Lots of Love)

self-esteem

Quigs.

To build self-esteem, Subject yourself to critique, Strip off for the crowd.

N.06 / V.47

Sports NEXUS MAGAZINE

SPORTS OPINION

THE WARRIORS’ $800,000 MAN

Roosters full-time fullback this year and is yet to convince me that this is where

Chris Reive

As a fullback, effectively, you need to be able to tackle/stop every player in the

he should play. Another good point on this raised by Matty Johns on NRL show Big Weekend is that Tuivasa-Sheck has a slight build, which is not the best for playing fullback. league, so bulking up a bit over this season would do him no harm.

One of the big stories in the NRL as of late has been the Warriors signing of Roosters and Kiwis’ back, Roger Tuivasa-Sheck. The 21 year-old has played 64 NRL games for the Roosters since 2012, scoring 19 tries and winning a premiership with them in 2013.

Don’t get me wrong, I think he’ll be a great addition to the Warriors’ backline and add even more explosiveness to the team. I just think an $800,000 per season contract is a huge amount of the team’s cap space to be giving to a player who has played fewer than 20 first grade games at fullback. Among the experienced fullbacks coming off contract at the end of this season are Reece Robinson, Sam Perrett, Tim Moltzen, Jordan Rapana and Nathan Gardner. Surely there is someone in there they could have signed for less than $800, 000

A quality young player, the Warriors have wasted no time in signing someone to

and has actually proven they’re up for it. They might be older, but for me, one of

replace departing fullback Sam Tomkins. However, the amount the Warriors have

these players would have made a better investment in the fullback role.

offered Tuivasa-Sheck has me scratching my head.

I mean, $800,000 per season? You’d better damn well hope he wins club player of

The fact is that Tuivasa-Sheck is a proven winger, and has only come on as the

the year, if not any of the big NRL awards.

HIGH FIVE

SAFE BET

WHAT THE SHECK?

Made up odds for real sports

Five better off-contract options for the warriors

Bit of a Risk: Eels to beat Broncos in the NRL

Safe Bet: Chelsea to beat Leicester in the EPL Long Shot: GWS Giants to win the AFL

James Roberts Roberts is an absolute flier. Currently playing in the centers at the Titans, he’s a fullback by trade and only 22 years old. He’s a gun on both the offensive and defensive end and well worth a look.

Jordan Rapana Granted he’s only played 11 first grade games, but he is a talent — scoring 8 tries in those 11 games. He’s got the build and the speed to play fullback, and he’s only 25 so still has years to go in his career. Chad Townsend Rather than signing a fullback when Lolohea can fill in for the meantime, why not focus on resigning current players? Townsend is playing great footy at the moment and complements Shaun Johnson well in the halves. Trent Hodkinson If they don’t want to resign Townsend, target Hodkinson. He’s an origin rep in the halves so he’s well worth taking a punt on. The only downside here is Johnson would probably have to slide to the 6. Nathan Gardner With Michael Gordon and Valentine Holmes on the books at the Sharks, the 2010 rookie of the year candidate will struggle for minutes at the club. He might be picked up for cheap in the hope of getting game time.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Entertainment

HOROSCOPES

TRENDING ON TWITTER

Aries (March 21 — April 19) Dear grumpy face. We predict a technological glitch in

#DAILYTHOUGHTSIN4WORDS

the mainframe that will spontaneously abort all of your online relationships and you don’t ever, ever, ever have to get in contact with anyone ever again. Woo hoo! Solitude!

Nat’s World @Validate_my_ego · Apr 15 Here is a pig #DailyThoughtsIn4Words

Taurus (April 20 — May 20) People are particularly horrible this week: watch out

for them. They might have infectious early-onset winter colds or still want to go to SeaWorld after watching Blackfish. Beware.

carrie potter @CarriePotter_ · Apr 15 #DailyThoughtsIn4Words

Gemini (May 21 — June 20) This week you should focus on the little things, because

there’s no excuse for bad grammer. Fat fingers, smal hands, dyslexia… whatevs. Get

a proofreader or get off the Internet, your just embarrassing yourselves. (Nexus, now taking applications for sub-editors). Cancer (June 21 — July 22) You’ll be very averse to taking advice this week, but it’s not your fault. It’s the fault of the Universe. That’s why we make horoscopes, so that you may shift the blame to an entity that cannot defend itself. But since you’re so averse to advice this week we’re giving you nothing. Leo (July 23 — August 22) Contrary to your grandmother’s advice, things don’t always work out for the best. You’ll be wanting to search for meaning in your disappointment, but a more satisfactory method of closure is a flight of stairs and no witnesses.

PINOY ROUTINETM @PinoyRoutine · Apr 15 Always Pray It’s Effective. #DailyThoughtsIn4Words

Virgo (August 23 — September 22) Word from the gods this week is something along the lines of, “don’t go outside. (Unless the pizza delivery guy is lost because your

house is obscured behind a sea of shrubs and a cast iron gate and you don’t have a

Slippin’ Jimmy @BroitsJesus · Apr 15 I am horny today #DailyThoughtsIn4Words

street number out of fear of the Google car.)” Libra (September 23 — October 22) Now is the time for fresh air and a break from responsibilities… oh. That was last week… Sorry, the teaching recess really messed us up too. If you woke up late for class don’t sweat it, chances are so did everyone else and the bell curve will fall in your favour. This is why we have them.

COCKTAIL RECIPE

wet winter — relax. The stars have illuminated the path through the darkness; it only

SLUTTY SANGRIA

requires that you don’t eat until spring. Quite frankly, no one at Nexus can condone

1 Bottle of Moscato

that. So screw the stars! Eat all the cronuts and drive the 5-minute walk, aside from

1 Can of Orange Fanta

doctors and environmentalists, who cares!

½ Cup Orange Juice

Scorpio (October 23 — November 21) If you fear the aesthetic results of a long,

4 Shots of Leftover Liquor Sagittatrius (November 22 — December 21) It’s the 21st century and this week no one has time for your unnecessary adjectives and overwrought hyperbole. If you want a conversation with another regular human being, speak like a regular human being.

1. Drink. 2. Kiss the bouncers at Bar 101.

Unless “arrogant” is part of your ‘self-brand’ we’d leave the thesaurus at home. WHAT’S HOT WHAT’S NOT Capricorn (December 22 — January 19) There comes a time in every horoscope’s life where they must deliver bad news. This isn’t that time! Congratulations, you are most

What’s Hot

likely happier than a bunch of other people on the African continent right now, go you!

1. This Wednesday is Earth Day. I assume it is the Earth’s birthday, so

Aquarius (January 20 — February 18) Hysterical shouting will banish you to the

2. Not shaving. I’m not lazy — I’m keeping warm.

history books as a raving lunatic while someone with a calmer, more approachable

3. Leftover Easter chocolate. Jokes, I ate it all on Easter morning.

celebrate with me by releasing thousands of balloons on Wednesday.

demeanour reinvents the movement and is awarded a Nobel Peace Prize under the acknowledgement that you could’ve had it if you’d “just been a little more chill.”

What’s Not 1. Break bloat. Slap my stomach and it’ll echo for several seconds.

Pisces (February 19 — March 20) Today you are the guinea pig of society. Subjectively cute, insignificant, and trapped with a bunch of people who after a month have forgotten you exist. Welcome to group work at Waikato University. You are a guinea pig, and there are some humans that would like to eat you for lunch.

N.06 / V.47

2. The lack of work anyone did over teaching recess. Don’t lie to yourself. You’re fucked. 3. The movie Get Hard. Someone made an entire moving joking about sexual assault in prison. Fuck that.

Entertainment NEXUS MAGAZINE

PLEASE DON’T QUOTE ME

BEATS BY J

“BELIEVE ME, I WISH I HAD FAKE BOOBS.” – Sofia Vergara

“THERE’S NOTHING MORE EMASCULATING THAN A WOMAN PULLING OUT HER CREDIT CARD.”

Beats by J

– Bethenny Frankel

“SOUND IS THE N***** OF THE WORLD.” – Bjork ruins herself for us

Rihanna Bitch Better Have My Money

“THE DOUCHEBAGGERY WOULD ALWAYS COME THROUGH.” – Kanye West can’t escape his instincts

Wiz Khalifa, Charlie Puth See You Again (feat. Charlie Puth) Paces, Kucka Nothing’s Forever Hermitude Through The Roof Tchami Promesses (feat. Kaleem Taylor) Kendrick Lamar King Kunta Grimes, Bleachers Entropy Kygo, Parson James Stole the Show Robin Schulz, Ilsey Headlights (feat. Ilsey) Matoma, The Notorious B.I.G, Ja Rule, Ralph Tresvant

5 REASONS WHY...

Old Thing Back (feat. Ja Rule and Ralph Tresvant)

YOU’RE GOING TO FAIL THIS SEMESTER

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1. The Vice Chancellor found your Facebook and has decided to make it his life mission to bring you down. 2. Your neighbour’s cat is plotting to skin you and wear you as a quirky human costume. 3. You don’t backup your work. You’ll

LITTLE KNOWN FACTS

JESUS EDITION

be the first to shame someone for

Jesus is the current record holder for consuming the

losing their work, but God knows

most Laffy Taffys within a 24 hour period.

you only use your hard drive for Steve Carell movies. 4. By the end of April you will realise

The phrase “plan b” was created by Jesus. Jesus was the first to wear denim on denim.

how this materialistic country is holding you back. You will drop all your studies and embark to Southeast Asia to assist with orangutan conservation. 5. You’re not particularly intelligent. Going to university was a poor

KILL, FUCK, MARRY Kate Upton Mila Kunis Robert Downey Jr

decision on your behalf.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Left vs Right

KEEPING CAMPBELL ALIVE Mediaworks may be taking Campbell Live off air. The removal of the show, which first aired in March of 2005, has been hotly detested — with almost 70,000 people signing a petition to keep the show running. LEFT

RIGHT

The news that TV3/MediaWorks’ Campbell Live is on the chopping block feels

About a week ago everyone collectively lost their shit as the prospect of

lamentably in keeping with the times. Disdain on the part of the establishment

Campbell Live going off air was floated. Naturally people got angry, John Key

for journalists who do their job properly seems to grow apace with the egos

got blamed a bit, lots of opinion was put on the internet and uh, very little

and media penetration of pro-status quo, right-wing shock jock types like Mike

happened.

Hosking and Paul Henry.

Here’s an unpopular truth: firms like Mediaworks (owners of TV3) don’t exist

Of course their fortunes also seem strangely intertwined with John Campbell’s,

for the public good. They exist to make bank and keep all their investors happy.

with Hosking and Seven Sharp beating him in the ratings game and Paul Henry

You know, in the same way plumbers, farmers, manufacturers, and property

making another hyped-up comeback previous to news of Campbell’s review.

management firms (especially property management firms) do.

Although conspicuously unmentioned on most current affairs-centric shows,

At the end of the day, what matters most to every commercial media

commentators across the political spectrum have been talking openly of the

organisation is that sweet sweet advertising cash. Basically the more viewers

political nature of this decision.

you have that fit the right demographics, the more you can charge for 30

The show dug into a host of important subjects which the government would presumably rather have left alone — notably surveillance, child poverty, and

seconds on screens across the country. It’s been a problem for years with Campbell Live.

zero-hour contracts. Campbell himself was much bolder than other journalists

We can sit around and agree that Seven Sharp’s Mike Hosking is a bit of a

in confronting the PM, but a conspiratorial motivation is ultimately unnecessary.

self righteous twat who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. We can talk

Yeah, MediaWorks’ CEO Mark Weldon is a friend of John Key, and Key himself has spoken dismissively of the show, I’m not saying they don’t enjoy this, but

about Toni Street being a bit too vapid. At the end of the day Seven Sharp isn’t particularly good.

the people-meters ultimately do the talking. Unless the state or civil society

In comes unpopular truth #2: Despite the fact Campbell Live does a better

intervene, it goes without saying that corporations will happily kill off anything

job of addressing real world issues (child poverty comes to mind), people

of value for increased returns — especially if it has the added bonus of shutting

don’t want to hear about it. Even after the huge bump in popularity that came

out a critical voice.

about from the rumour that it’s on the chopping board, Campbell Live could

A lot of ink could be spent documenting the shady aspects of Mark Weldon, or the gleeful comments of National MP’s, like the young tobacco shill Todd Barclay, but it’s important not to think of this as an isolated event. Names and faces could be changed, the process would be the same. Neoliberal success

only organise 300,000 viewers in one of their highest ranking shows. Seven Sharp on the other hand hits 450,000 day after day, no sweat. In fact, this year Campbell Live has come dangerously close to a dismal 150,000 viewers per day quite a few times.

doesn’t provoke civic-mindedness, it deadens it. When an establishment’s

At the end of the day, Campbell is the chopping block because our viewing

staying power makes it arrogant and the public grow more cynical, the

habits put him there.

reflectiveness and criticality of the media is bound to be hollowed out.

N.06 / V.47

Reviews NEXUS MAGAZINE

FILM REVIEW

FOXCATCHER

GET HARD

Richard Swainson

Jared Wooldridge

Not the least of this disturbing drama’s strengths is that it casts

Will Ferrell is a funny guy. Kevin Hart is a funny guy. Get Hard

three well known movie stars against type. Steve Carrell buries

is not a funny movie. It commits the cardinal sin of comedy; it

all his comedic shtick beneath a putty nose and fake liver spots,

brings together two performers, both at the top of their game,

playing the haughty John du Pont, a lonely patrician looking

two performers who should be hilarious paired off against each

to invest a portion of inherited millions into his latest faddish

other, and gives them absolutely nothing funny to say or do. If

passion; amateur wrestling. Channing Tatum and Mark Ruffalo

I could just finish this review now by saying it sucked, and Get

are the brothers Schultz, impoverished olympic champions

Hard should ‘Get Lost’, I would. My word count is a little short,

who are seduced by the cash, if not du Pont’s cliched patriotic

though, so let’s continue.

blather. Tatum’s Mark Schultz is sulky and easily lead; Ruffalo’s Dave Schultz a family man with a need to secure the future of his wife and children.

Now, I will begin by saying that there are a few laughs to be had in this movie, and that is only because of Ferrell and Hart. Even with terrible material they can at least still do their jobs.

Foxcatcher is far from your average Hollywood sports film.

The other 95% of the time? The movie just throws jokes at you

Based, more accurately than not, on a tragic true story, it

that have been told countless times before, and in movies that

takes little pleasure in the wrestling scenes. Of more interest

were no better than this one. Even the plot, which finds a rich

to director Bennett Miller are the psychological crack-ups of

white man terrified of going to prison and enlisting help to try

du Pont and the younger Schultz as their would be surrogate

toughen them up, bears more than a passing resemblance to the

father/surrogate son relationship goes badly wrong after the

Rob Schneider movie Big Stan. Which, you know, was so terrible,

rich man introduces cocaine into the mix. If the scenario and the

it was not even released in cinemas.

sport suggest a latent homosexual element as well, Miller shows restraint, letting his audience connect the dots. The film has much more in common with the director’s earlier biopics Capote and Moneyball than a gay fest like Behind the Candelabra. Whilst the slow pace and potentially depressing subject matter

If you want my advice, do not go to see this movie. You will only be witness to the same old tired prison rape jokes that went out of fashion twelve seconds after they were first uttered. Somewhere in here there may have been a hilarious Ferrell-Hart double act, but Get Hard is just really, really not worth your time.

will limit the appeal of Foxcatcher, its chilling, melancholy tone and wry class commentary offer many pleasures to the sensitive viewer.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Reviews

FOOD REVIEW

APP REVIEW

JAIPUR INDIAN RESTAURANT

YIK YAK Melissa Stevens

Caitlin Orton

This app has been suggested to me so many times that I just had to download it and see what the fuss is about. Yik Yak is another I am a sucker for good service. If you flash me a smile, I’ll buy

one of those apps where you download it and are obsessed for

whatever you’re offering. Which is why my bank account is

a week or so.

currently $0.04. Come on student loan!

Yik Yak became an app completely dominated by the students

I have ever gone to. They welcomed us in and we were served

of Waikato. It is mainly used to bitch about the universities

within seconds. We were given complimentary Papadums and

workload and try to hook up with people in the halls. It is an

then our food came out hot ten minutes later. I wouldn’t expect

anonymous twitter-like-app with a short area range.

this even if we had been their only customers, but we were not alone. Jaipur had a constant stream of people popping in and out to pick up takeaway orders, as well as a few people who were obviously regulars. Personally, I never understood why people didn’t like Indian Food because I was blessed with parents who actually took me places that served more than just bright orange Butter Chicken. The key to Indian food is going to a legit establishment which cooks traditional meals. Try something different next time, like a

70% of the app are halls students bitching about other hall’s students about being too loud; 20% is quotes/jokes pulled directly from Facebook, and the other 10% are people trying to get laid anonymously. Sometimes student events and open parties are posted, so that can be quite helpful if you are bored on a Friday night. During the teaching recess the app was pretty dead due to all the first years and halls students going home for the break.

Rogan Josh, a creamy Korma, a Vindaloo, or a Saag Gosht. You

The app is incredibly easy to figure out because of its basic

don’t even have to get meat. The Vegetable Korma that we were

interface and common layout. It is so minimal that I would even

served was absolutely stunning and it was five dollars cheaper

go so far as to call it under-designed, but that’s what is expected

than the meat alternative. Not that money was really an issue

from an app that wasn’t produced by a big company.

as Jaipur’s prices are pretty spot on. And I’ll always recommend an establishment if the meal comes with rice free of charge. Because let’s get serious here, no one eats curry without rice so why shouldn’t it come free with the meal?

Since most students are tightly packed around the university;

Jaipur Indian Restaurant had the loveliest service of all the places

N.06 / V.47

This app can be very entertaining and it creates a sense of community between the students of Waikato.

Reviews NEXUS MAGAZINE

BOOK REVIEW

MUSIC REVIEW

RED QUEEN BY VICTORIA AVEYARD

HONG KONG FOOD CITY BY MAREKO

Kelsie Morland

First of all, I want to give a massive shout-out to Abbey Trewavas

Samoan via Manurewa rapper, Mareko may not be flooding

for recommending me this book. I now fully understand your

the radio waves like his Deceptikonz counterpart, Savage, but

pain!

as he explains on his track, Rising Sun, “people ask me if I still

Red Queen is a debut novel for up and coming author Victoria Aveyard. She’s taken the bookshelves by storm with this beautifully written morsel. Although this book does seem incredibly familiar to (and not just in name) Queen of the Tearling by Erika Johansen, do not be fooled. Classed as a ‘teen fiction’ novel Red Queen has all of the pleasures you could imagine. The protagonist Mare is thrust into the middle of an everlasting feud between the Silvers (the rulers and warriors) and the Reds (the commoners). Plots of kidnap, deceit, royalty, power, and even a oddly configured love story, I was enthralled from front to back. However, it was not just the content that enticed me. Aveyard’s writing style and ability to

rhyme/I tell ‘em I’m a father who raps just to kill time”. Mareko is back with what has been termed a “project” and is something between an EP and mixtape. It places him rightly back at NZ hip hop’s head table as one of the best lyricists in NZ rap and, of course, “the nicest rapper in the universe”. On Hong Kong Food City, Mareko’s scratchy beats and Chinese influenced samples provide a nice new scaffold for his battle lyrics, punchlines and some of the funniest pop culture references in hip hop. Mareko has always stayed true to his origins and here he salutes Steinlager over gin and tonic, integrity over music awards and his wife and kids over hype. And it’s this integrity that’s at forefront of this project.

have such detailed descriptions of landscape and inner emotion

While Mareko is just as likely to reference The Simpsons as

positions the reader right within the story itself.

Tupac, it’s his politics that spill out here that gives his wicked

This novel will rip you into a rollercoaster of ups and downs, of anger, tear-jerking feels, and even gushing a little at the cuteness — which I’ll let you read to find out.

word play both grounding and the need to click, ‘repeat’. He backs teachers over politicians and cracks lines like, “First we occupied Wall Street/but then what happened/Everybody got sore feet,” and it’s these lines delivered with the confidence of a

I will be forever grateful that Abbey made me pick up this book.

veteran and intertwined with hilarious one-liners that make this

She explained it perfectly that when you pick up this book,

project a success. It’s free to download too, so really, there’s no

everything else feels sort of redundant afterwards.

downside.

A must read!

NEXUS MAGAZINE Arts

On the Fringe Peter Dornauf

I took the opportunity to browse. Further round the gallery were knickknacks and trinkets in a glass case. Jodi Collins Popin Snippet badges took my eye. Loved the fifties graphics. Other assorted artworks were a splattered Jackson Pollock look-a-like, multifarious expressionist skulls and diabolical head forms, a small Norman Bates portrait, a Don Quixote rendition on canvas, a mixed bag of ceramics and a wooden carved fantail. Oh, and a Goblin King that resembled David Bowie. All very gothic, except for the fantail.

When Art Fusion Gallery (located just below the library, on campus) announced some weeks ago they were joining the Fringe Festival, my interest was tweaked. It was tugged even more when I read about the nature of their contribution – “Diorama in the Galleria”. I am heavily into diorama, particularly if, as publicised, it was to have a literary flavour. My immediate thought, given the nature of the clientele, was to expect something highbrow creatively constructed inside a shoebox, perhaps some cardboard recreation of a poignant scene from Don DeLillo’s, White Noise, or a clever aesthetic rendition of Julian Barnes’s, Sense of

crowd was warmed up by two guitar strumming lads. Their rendition of Leonard Cohen’s, Hallelujah, was particularly affecting. Unfortunately I can’t say that for the readings — poetry and prose and prosaic poetry. Listening, I discovered that there are a lot of angry boys and girls out there. If the dictum, “write what you know” holds true, then the air that was full of personal angst and invective could be taken as a good indicator.

an Ending, even possibly a dramatic interpretation of Nietzsche’s, Thus

Standing, I stayed for an hour till my back gave out or my mind gave out,

Spake Zarathustra.

drowning in a sea of grievances and cathartic release for troubled youth.

What I saw upon visiting the exhibition was what looked like a rushed

I stayed for the literary performance — students reading their work. The

Was it T.S. Eliot who said that in writing, the self must be subsumed?

job involving, among others, an assortment of small plastic animals, bits

Straight after that I took in Sympathy for the Devil, billed as “an

of dead birds and other miscellaneous concoctions hurriedly cobbled

intelligent comedy for naughty Catholics” at the Meteor. I was never a

together whose literary connections were a little thin on the ground. I

Catholic and not that naughty, but with Satan as the main protagonist,

did notice a reference to Tolkien but that’s as far as it got. The winner

support by God, Jesus, Jezebel, and the Virgin Mary, who could resist.

would have to go to a Meliors Simms, a piece called Anthropocene,

Funniest bit was the terrorist looking for his reward of 70 virgins, in

though it has to be said that she had a head start on the rest given her

Hell. The last and best word went to John Lennon – “Imagine there’s no

long artistic background.

Heaven… Nothing to kill or die for/And no religion too.”

N.06 / V.47

Auteur NEXUS MAGAZINE

Notable Director/Actor Collaborations Richard Swainson

2. Josef Von Sternberg & Marlene Dietrich. Between 1930’s The Blue Angel and 1935’s The Devil is a Woman, Von Sternberg sculptured in light with Dietrich, his high cheek-boned goddess. Of their seven films, Morocco is most moving, whilst The Scarlett Empress, a tale of Catherine the Great, the most opulent. 3. John Ford & John Wayne. Ford discovered Wayne, casting the then prop boy in bit parts at the tail end of the silent era. It was Ford’s 1939 masterpiece Stagecoach that made him an A-list star, whilst both men achieved an apotheosis in 1956’s The Searchers. Altogether the pair collaborated 25 times in 42 years.

The Hamilton Film Society recently finished a retrospective of the work

4. Budd Boetticher & Randolph Scott. Both men were already

of Douglas Sirk, a director best remembered for his 1950s melodramas.

veterans of the western before coming together on 1956’s Seven Men

A feature of these movies was the repeated casting of the Rock Hudson.

from Now, a lean, minimalist genre entry with unusually complex

Sirk was a father figure to the young actor, effectively turning Hudson

characters and moral situations. Scott’s sensitive underplaying and

into a star in 1953’s Magnificent Obsession, and using him in eight other

weathered features were showcased as never before. Six more

films between 1952 and 1957.

features followed, elevating and crowning the star’s career.

The Hudson/Sirk collaboration is one of studio Hollywood’s most

5. Martin Scorsese & Robert De Niro / Martin Scorsese & Leonardo

celebrated. The following list catalogues other notable examples where

DiCaprio. If Scorsese’s work with De Niro established both men in

a director regularly worked with a particular actor to the mutual benefit

the 1970s and early 1980s, the director’s 12 year, 5 film collaboration

of both.

with DiCaprio is the centrepiece of his 21st century output. Mean

1. DW Griffith & Lillian Gish. Griffith was the father of American narrative film, and while Gish was far from his only discovery, it is the melodramas he made with her between 1914 and 1921 that are

Streets, Taxi Driver and Raging Bull are the work of a young turk; The Aviator, The Departed and The Wolf of Wall Street that of a revered master.

his most lasting legacy. The Birth of a Nation and Intolerance are the best known, but Gish shines brightest in Broken Blossoms, True Heart Susie, and Way Down East.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

MY WEEK ON A MOVIE SET Jackson Houlihan

Film, movies, features, whatever you call them. What’s important here is that I, Jackson “Jax” Houlihan, worked on one. Recently, I was lucky enough to have spent an entire week

The ones you wouldn’t think of are the leather and metal

on the set of an MTV-created show, spending a day in each

workers. I was surprised how much leather is used in film -

department. I’m not really allowed to talk about specifics

and it was all made, shaped, and decorated by one person.

because I had to sign a bunch of legal shit and I’d rather

She explained to me that every leather worker’s dream in the

not get fucked over by one of the biggest entertainment

industry was to land the role of making all of the leather in

companies on the planet, but I’ll do my best to talk about the

50 Shades of Grey… which she unfortunately missed out on.

stuff that I saw and learnt.

Likewise, the metalworking was also entirely done by one

I never realised how much work actually went into making a film until I experienced it myself. Ever wondered why the credits at the end of a film seem to go on forever? Because there’s so many people dude. So many. The budgets on these films are fucking nuts. Firstly, there’s the builders who create all of the sets and make everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, from scratch. You think of film sets being filled with glorious, attractive people driving Ferraris, and Lamborghinis, but you don’t think of the builders; they’re just your everyday burly men who have a smoke every 15 minutes, yarn about hot bitches, and hit things with hammers.

was just banging away at the malleable metal on his anvil, creating bad-ass swords and old-school looking helmets. The resulting products looked similar to the iron platebodies you made on Runescape when you were 13. I was amazed to find that basically every tree you see on a film is fake. The majority of the time it’ll be a plastic tree with flowers or blossoms individually attached to each branch. The only things alive are the small plants here and there scattered around the place, in pots and hanging from the ceiling or on a wall. The greens department have to bring in the plants for every shot and take them away to grow them to specifically make sure they stay in the correct shape and

Alongside the builders is the costume department, who,

size. This takes a surprising amount of skill and care and they

once again, make EVERYTHING from scratch. Every single

were the crankiest cunts of the lot, getting super fucked off

piece of costume you see in a special effects film was created

when the builders would call them ‘male gardeners’.

from scratch by some hunchback ladies in front of a sewing machine. Imagine Coronation Street, but in a huge warehouse with loud music and everyone laughing and bitching about everyone else. That’s basically what it looks like.

person, and it was as old-school as you’d imagine. The dude

The shit which really blew my mind were the sets. Auckland Film Studios has five studios; these random warehouses chilling in the middle of Auckland. When you go inside the sets you see the reality the arts department has created. The

This theme continued with the prop guys – everything you

arts department guys are the most talented people I came

can hold in your hands as an actor or an actress, with some

across; they had one dude sitting in the corner creating

being extremely obscure… like six very, very specific looking

‘concept sheets’, which contained a mock idea of what they

loaves of bread, which took them three hours to find. I didn’t

wanted the set to look like. He would sit there for 14 hours

really see the point, but they explained that if that’s what

a day in front of his computer with a design pen on a tablet

the director wants, that’s what he gets — or he’ll be insanely

creating 3D images on the screen. The dude would stay

fucked off.

fixated to the screen for the entire day. I swear you could sell

N.06 / V.47

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

those concept sheets as art that people would have above their mantelpiece in the living room, it was so insane — yet it was just something he had sketched in like half an hour that he didn’t really put that much effort into. He came up to me one day and said, “I should probably start wearing glasses…” They say your eyes go square after spending too much time in front of a screen and I swear his eyes were a pretty fucked up shape. The production department was up there with the most boring shit you’ll ever experience. Just straight office work. You basically sort out where people are meant to be, where things go, what people do with the things, how to get a thing from one place to another, and so forth. Although it’s boring, this is how film works and how everything comes together far better than in any other department. Plus production crews get to meet the famous people. My highlight was

...like six very, very specific looking loaves of bread, which took them 3 hours to find.

definitely handing the scripts to all the hot actors, who I have to say look even better in real life. Call me. Then there was what everyone dreams of doing: actually being on set.. The Actors

shooting the next week. All kids at heart, just wanting to blow shit up.

They do as little work as possible. Seriously, for the lead

The Director, Assistant Directors, Cameramen, and

actors they had a ‘stand-in’, basically a person that stands

Producers

there in their place and waits for the director and everyone

Firstly, the AD’s don’t do anything. All they do is tell

else to set up the shot; a stunt double, so the actors wouldn’t

people to shut the fuck up and that… that’s about it. The

hurt themselves or ruin their make-up; a horse-riding double,

cameramen sit there and hold a camera… I wish I could

because they can’t ride horses and they don’t want to fall

find a more exciting way of describing them but aside from

off and hurt themselves; and a back-up double, for all the

moving occasionally that’s really all they do. The producers

other shit the other doubles couldn’t do for whatever reason.

sit on their respectively named chairs, in a tent, watching a

Basically, if you can’t see their face on the film, it isn’t them.

screen. Once again, not really doing much. The director on

It’s someone else. It’s pretty cool seeing and meeting and

the other hand is nuts. He knows exactly what he wants, to

talking to all the famous people… but they do fuck all.

the millimetre, and if it isn’t correct he’ll stop everything until

The Grips, Set Designers, and Special Effects You’re in the middle of a field, and the grips and set designers have to create everything as the directors want it to be seen on the screen. The amount of thought that

it is. There were times where everyone was just kind of sitting there thinking, “what the fuck is he doing…” but it isn’t like anyone is going to get up and tell the director he’s doing something wrong.

goes into it is pretty mind-blowing, and the work involved

Finally, the food is so damn good that I’d stay there for that

in creating the set in the minimal time they do it is why

and that only.

they’re paid so much. The grips are just like the builders, typical guys with a constant smoke hanging from their lip wearing steel-capped boots, league shorts and a singlet. The set designers are the kind of people that wear fedoras and speak with a British accent, even though they don’t have a drop of British blood in them, and the special effects people are the funniest people I’ve ever met. They just take the piss out of everyone, all the time. All they could talk about was how fucking excited they were for the explosion they were

The main point to take away from this is there is more going on than you’d never expect, and film sets and departments are insanely busy. The budgets on these films are fucking hundreds of millions of dollars, and I can see now where all the money goes. Unfortunately, the majority of the time, it’s boring as fuck. When I was talking to one of the producers, he summed up the film industry perfectly: “The industry of hurry up, and wait.”

NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

WOMAN VS. WOMEN Danya East

I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy... Why can’t we all just get along?

someone who thinks that outcompeting fellow women

Competition. In a biological sense, it’s what keeps our

will result in climbing the social ladder and gaining the

species alive — it allows us to grow as people, succeed at

acceptance of the people around you.

our goals, overcome our competitors, and ultimately survive. In societal terms, however, the idea of competing is mostly pegged on to one half of our species: girls. Girl on girl competition is far from uncommon, yet it is one of the key things that is holding each of us back from growing and succeeding in our lives. It forces us to see other women as our enemies, and while this has been totally normalised by society, it is now up to us to put a stop to it.

The worst part is that you might not even be aware of the fact that you’re doing it, or know that what you’re doing is problematic. In that case, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you are carrying out girl hate. “Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What’s so great about Caesar? Hm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally

“...evil takes a human form in Regina George. Don’t be

like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did

fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-

it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody,

stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, she’s so much more

huh? Because that’s not what Rome is about. We should

than that.”

totally just *stab* Caesar!”

We all know a Regina George, right? The girl that tears

A great definition of girl hate is one by the squad at Rookie

others down about their looks, intelligence, hobbies, or sex

Mag, who state girl hate as being “hating someone because

lives, all in an effort to make herself feel better about her

we’re told that, as girls, we should hate other girls who are

own insecurities. You may even be a Regina George yourself;

as awesome as or more awesome than ourselves. That there

N.06 / V.47

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

can ever only be ONE cool girl, ONE funny girl, ONE smart girl, etc., in a circle of people.” Ultimately, girl hate is the oppression of girls by other girls, based on the misogynistic expectations that are placed on us by society, and it is one of the key reasons why we are struggling to move forward in the world of women’s rights. I don’t think there is a single girl on this planet who hasn’t seen green over another girl, and while it obviously isn’t ideal to try to crush the people who we should be trying to encourage, something that we need to understand is that it isn’t entirely our own fault. Even the nicest girls in the world have at some stage, I guarantee you, said or done something to or about another girl based on a deep-rooted disapproval of them as a woman. From the moment we are born, women are conditioned by society to want to gain the acceptance of men, and in doing so we often agree with their sexist attitudes. There’s no denying that sometimes, guys like to tear girls down, and so in response, girls think that participating in this oppression of other girls will earn them the respect and approval of said

...we are made to feel as though we have to always be smarter, funnier, prettier, sexier, skinnier, and sportier than the next girl…

guys. Because of the pressure that women in general then feel from both guys and other women, we are made to feel as though we have to always be smarter, funnier, prettier, sexier, skinnier, and sportier than the next girl (who we must also hate if we want to get ahead). As easy as it is to hate

laser beams shooting out of their eyes — if that isn’t media

your own Regina George, or alternatively be a Regina, doing

sensationalism, I don’t know what is.)

either will achieve nothing — other than carrying on the nasty cycle that is girl hate.

So, how do we stop girl hate? Putting an end to our hatred of one another will make us stronger as individuals and as

Of course, it doesn’t help when girl vs girl drama is presented

women as a whole. While it is something that everyone,

to us on a daily basis by the mainstream media. A perfect

including men, definitely need to work on, we women

example of girl hate that we’ve probably all seen in the

especially need to improve our views towards other women.

media is the apparent row between Katy Perry and Taylor

We need to realise that hating on other girls comes from a

Swift, something that was turned from a purely professional,

place of sexism, where we’re involuntarily pitted against one

work related incident into entertainment for the population

another to compete for things that, in the long run, will 99%

of the world. Why is it entertainment? Because people like to

of the time turn out to be irrelevant. We then need to put

see girls tear other girls down — girl hate is so normal that it

what would be this hatred into something more productive,

would be weird if they came to a civil reconciliation without

such as lifting one another up and supporting each other so

having to partake in this “feud”, wouldn’t it?

we can all reach our goals.

The sad thing is that before this competition geared up,

A girl gets a better grade on an assignment? Ask her for

Perry and Swift appeared to be friends. As soon as the

some tips. You see a girl that’s prettier than you? Tell her you

competition was sparked between them, you had a feud

like her outfit. Not only could you possibly meet one of the

that was initially about Perry “stealing” dancers from Swift’s

most amazing people that you will ever meet in your entire

tour, with the drama coming to an end when Perry called

life, but eventually you will also see that girls are not your

Swift a “Regina George in sheep’s clothing,” and Swift

enemies — they are your allies. It is now a necessity that we

stating that Perry is a “straight-up enemy.” (I’d like to note

treat one another with respect and understanding in order

that the article these quotes came from also included a GIF

for us to all succeed. After all, we can’t expect others to stop

of Katy and Taylor looking at each other with animated red

hating us, if we can’t stop hating each other.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

PIZZA DON’T LEAVE ME Samantha Brill

Me love you long distance. Making it work when you’re kissing via Facebook messenger and making love over Skype. Sam teaches us how to do the LDR without the drama. So, there’s that thing about love being blind, but sometimes

very practical individuals, knows how to build a dog kennel,

I think she’s just a snooty little tart. By some spontaneous

and sleeps in his jeans so he’s ready for work in the morning.

act of boredom or whatever it was, she led me to the most unlikely of partners, and my favourite person in the world. He’s a rough n’ tough dairy farmer with poop under his nails and I’m a pansy-ass Bachelor of Bugger-All student; but somehow we make it work.

To make matters even more challenging, my lovely manly man decided our life-plan included him moving to the South Island, where I would join him after my degree. So now I’m a hopeless romantic in an extremely long distance relationship with a grisly farmer, and to be honest; I love it. There’s all this

First, let me be clear, we are not a perfect couple. At all.

stigma about long distance relationships not working, and

When we first met about four years ago, I wasn’t exactly his

yeah, depending on who you are, it might not be for you. But

biggest fan. In fact, I was actually pretty rude. Fast forward

by no means should you give up on a little slice of happiness

to a year ago, and despite being completely different from

just because it’s moving away. You know how you sometimes

one another, we simply had to be. I’m a Writing Studies

think, “oh I don’t need that slice of pizza” and then the pizza

major with an obsession for dogs and the colour purple. I

goes away. And then you’re like, fuck I wish I had that pizza.

seldom leave the house without makeup and I like to wear

Yeah, that’s what it’s like. If he/she is your pizza and you

nice undies. He, on the other hand, comes from a family of

really, really like pizza, don’t let go.

N.06 / V.47

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

There are so many pros and cons in a long distance relationship, and it’s up to you to weigh them up and decide whether or not it’s worth it. Firstly, there’s the potential of missed birthdays, New Years, Christmases and anniversaries. My other half flew out on Christmas morning, so we still got to spend the night before with each other, and I can’t complain about that. Unfortunately, that meant we were apart on New Years, skipped Valentine’s Day and will be apart on the 14th of April, my birthday. Then, in May, we won’t see each other for our one year. Now this is possibly the worst kind of luck, and normally there’s more flexibility for special occasions. Just don’t date a farmer when you’re too shit broke to afford plane tickets. Their schedule (as well as your life) sucks. Chances are, your luck won’t be as bad as ours, and even if it is, once the ‘day’ rolls by, you’ll realise it’s not the end of the world. And it’s probably not forever, so decide if you want to sacrifice now, and be rewarded with like 70 more birthdays and other excuses to drink. As an emotional wreck with an irrational expectation of life, I do think I soldiered on quite wonderfully, so if Sensitive Sam can do it for the right pizza, so can you.

So now I’m a hopeless romantic in an extremely long distance relationship with a grisly farmer, and to be honest; I love it.

Then there’s that whole ‘communication’ fiasco. Gaaaah. Okay so depending on your situation; your level of communication could vary from decent, to not good enough, to occasionally non-existent. This is a real problem. Tell your pizza to stop ignoring you! Honestly, there are times when I don’t hear from my little slice of sunshine for a day or two, not even a fricken text to say he’s super busy. During that time I’ve mentally shunned, abused and broken up with him like twice. If you want to pursue a healthy-ish long distance relationship, communication is important for both parties. Don’t do the whole, “Oh he took 8 hours to reply, I better take 9...” Tried it. Failed. Also, don’t smother each other to

festered into its own little monster. Something cute to do is give each other little mementos, like key chains or little trinkets. My extremely mature partner happens to be obsessed with kinder surprise toys. Before he left, he told me I could look after his favourites, and they now have a secure spot on my bedside table. The smallest gesture can place an immense amount of value on little things; and that’s the kind of cute shit you want in your relationship.

over-compensate for the distance. By doing that you run the

I’m going to end this little ramble on a slightly sexual note.

risk of pushing your partner even further away. Find a good

One of the most important aspects of maintaining a healthy

comfortable balance.

long distance relationship is having some toe-scrunchingly

One of the best ways to make a relationship like this work is to always have a shared goal. Plan the fuck out of everything, like how much time you expect to be apart, and what your future might look like. By doing this, you’ll both be on the same page in regards to your expectations, and give yourselves something to look forward to. Being completely

fantastic sex. Don’t be afraid of getting freaky over the phone. Drawing out sexual tension is like glue holding you together. Not to mention that “finally!” bang when you get to see each other. Also, if you’re feeling particularly silly, just text him or her a sexual pun. I won’t share my experiences of these. You are welcome.

honest with each other is also key. If you feel like the time

So, yeah, I certainly don’t have the perfect relationship and

gap is going to be too long, express that now, rather than

there’s still a chance it won’t last, so probably don’t listen to

later. Be completely open about your fears, insecurities

anything I say. But if you really really dig someone, don’t

and expectations. That way, if there’s an issue that needs

let the social pressures of relationship expectations tear you

dealing to, it can be sorted out in the initial stages, before it’s

and your pizza apart. Z formation finger-snap.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Your Space

Lonely Ladies: Hillcrest I’m sure we’ve all read Emma Nygard’s Single Life column — if you haven’t you’re missing out. Somehow Emma managed to get together a gaggle of fellow single ladies (three of them to be exact) to join her flatting. These four young women pride themselves on their name Lonely Ladies. Genevieve is the only girl home. She welcomes us into the house, where we find party decor hanging from the ceiling and an assortment of photographs and drawings lining the walls. The kitchen has a pink cupcake stand, Jamie Oliver and Annabel Langbein cooking books, and multiple bottles of alcohol. Emphasis on the multiple. Kayla’s room is locked, and we were not made aware that a fourth flatmate, Courteney, even exists — so we only view two bedrooms. Genevieve’s bedroom is so tidy I can feel sweat dripping down the back of my neck. Neutral walls, a white mosquito net, white sheets, and a white duvet. She has gorgeous designer candles and a pastel colour scheme. Emma’s bedroom has a dozen Sims 3 games scattered across the ground. Her bed is unmade. An uncompleted collage with images of attractive male models and slightly gothic highfashion sits upon her wall. I really wish I could have seen the other bedrooms. Each of these girls seem to have a completely different personality, all amounting to a flat that is as interesting as it is inviting. You can find Emma, Genevieve, Kayla, and Courteney on your Tinder app.

N.06 / V.47

Photography: Cameron Robinson

Your Space NEXUS MAGAZINE

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

CONFESSIONS OF JAMES BRODIE

“I HEAR THAT MCDONALD’S NOW HIRES ‘C’S GET DEGREES ON ZERO-HOUR CONTRACTS. YOU DON’T WANT THAT. I HOPE”

C’s get Degrees: B’s get BETTER Degrees

commonly known that ‘Person A’ may get through uni and get a

James Brodie

up their entry criteria. This includes your field. For some areas

degree, ‘Person A’ does not necessarily get a job afterwards, or if they get a job — not a very good one in that area. I may sound like your mum’s mum here — but there is a good point behind this. You see, unless you’re a construction worker intending to build in the City of Shakes, then the broad spectrum of jobs are tightening now, the minimum average they want for a job is a ‘B’ for Banana, so if you’re a ‘C’s Get Degrees person you might want to rethink your approach (or not — I hear that McDonald’s now hires ‘C’s Get Degrees on zero-hour contracts. You don’t want that. I hope).

Nexus has so many good things to read. Relationship advice, reviews of apps you must have to survive, some ACTUAL news (sorry Waikato Times), and then there’s me. The one you tend to read when lectures get so soul crushing that not even Ron Burgundy can save you from an existential crisis. Sorry about that. But hey, since you’re reading this, I must not be that bad, right? Right. So on that note, let’s have a chat about stuff. Assuming you all had a lovely break from university, I will guess your batteries are charged for the next few weeks. I’m sure you’ve been working hard getting back up-to-date with reality television

‘D’s DON’T get degrees, ‘C’s get their degrees (just), ‘B’s get better degrees, ‘A’s get jobs. And just quickly before I go, I want to give a shout-out to David and his mate Junior who I was playing pool with at Level Zero. You may have beaten me, but glory comes in defeat. Great job guys. (Editor note: Level Zero is open every day from 10:30 to 2:30.

getting that degree that you (or your parents) really want.

There’s Xbox, a pool table, occasional live music, and free hot

excuse to believe in the fantasy that ‘C’s Get Degrees. While it is

N.06 / V.47

‘E’s get expelled,

and social media. Perhaps now you are a few steps closer to

However, watching the Roast of Bieber is not a good enough

So remember:

drinks. Sometimes politicians show up. Eggs not supplied.) Bye for now.

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

AUNTY SLUT

“IT’S HARD TO FEEL SEXY WHEN THAT ASSIGNMENT IS COMING UP”

Assignments Cumming Up Aunty Slut

you are now — if nothing else, you’re probably worrying about whether you’ll come or not, and if your guy is going to be upset by what’s going on. If you haven’t already, talk to him. Reassure him that it’s entirely possible for your body to be turned on but for your brain to refuse to co-operate. It’s hard to feel sexy when that assignment is coming up, you’ve got no money and your flatmates are being assholes. So take some time out for yourself. It doesn’t have to be big or expensive, but self-care is really important. Do some things that make you feel sexy: paint your nails, buy new

Dear Aunty Slut, I can’t concentrate when me and my man are fucking. It feels good but I can’t cum anymore — no matter what he tries. This never happened before — what’s wrong with me? Not Loving It Anymore.

underwear, get a sassy haircut, whatever. Then turn your damn phone off (those things are well documented intimacy-killers), have a couple of wines and spend some quality time with your man. Remember, sex is not just about coming. Figure out five things your man does that make you feel sexy. Could be anything:

Dear Not Loving it Anymore, I’d say there’s nothing wrong with you at all! Good sex is not just about body parts, or being turned on or loving someone — it’s about being in the right headspace. Any number of things could

nibbling your ear, stroking your back, brushing you with his beard.... Remove orgasms from the equation and just enjoy being intimate, because you know what they say about things happening when you least expect them to.

be contributing to the fact that you’re just not feeling it. For a

If none of this helps, make a trip to Student Health. Things like a

start, we’ve hit that stage of the semester where assignments and

mild case of thrush or a UTI can get in the way of a good orgasm.

tests are due, and the pressure is on. Being stressed out, even if

STIs can also be a real downer — so make sure you get tested for

it has nothing to do with your relationship, could be messing with

those too.

your sex life.

Love, Aunty Slut

If you’re stressed you’re likely to be anxious and therefore tense, so you’re less likely to come. If you weren’t anxious before, I bet

Send your sexy sex questions to auntyslut@nexusmag.co.nz

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

THE SINGLE LIFE

“I SOMETIMES BLAME HOW EMBARRASSINGLY ACTIVE MY TINDER ACCOUNT IS ON THE FACT I HAVE TO USE IT FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES.”

Things Said Via Tinder That Should Never Be Repeated Emma Nygard

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got my Tinder game on lock, but it hasn’t always been smooth sailing. I have been sent some pretty fucked up shit, so as a public service I have devised a list of the worst things that have been sent to me via Tinder, so you can learn what not to do — although if you have ever considered saying any of the following things you should probably take a step back, reevaluate your life and play some Sims to properly understand how social interaction works. 1. “You look like you’ve taken a few dicks in your time.” Am I meant to be flattered? I’m unsure if this is a really awkward attempt at flirting or a nice way of saying I look like an STI whore. If you enjoy being cyber abused, then this is the opening line for you!

Sometimes, when I’m feeling especially lonely and sad, I like to remind myself that I couldn’t possibly get into a relationship because what would I have to write about? The joyous relationship

3. “I was meant to swipe left.” Well, at this point in time I really

Facebook posts? I don’t think so, self-pity columns and emo,

wish you had. Don’t be this guy unless you get some kind of

poetry are far more alluring. Similarly, I sometimes blame how

sick satisfaction in making girls with low self-esteem cry.

use it for educational purposes. The reality is that I am only human (believe it or not) and sometimes I crave attention from fellow people. As I am an introverted hermit most of the time, talking to cute strangers 100km away is, on occasion, the perfect idea! It’s social, and if they’re far away enough you don’t even have to worry about them trying to meet up with you. Bonus!

N.06 / V.47

to a mediocre two.

bliss? Could I become a master at writing happy, smug couple

embarrassingly active my Tinder account is on the fact I have to

2. “It’s okay, you’ll do.” And that’s how you go from a solid nine

4. “Only 4km away! Want to meet up? ;)” Want to give off the Mark Lundy, I’ll-hack-you-to-pieces vibe? That’s how to do it. 5. “Why won’t you reply?” Because it’s been an hour and you’ve sent me four messages just containing question marks. At least play it a little bit cool. 6. *Any pick-up line widely circulated around the cyber sphere* You’re probably a virgin.

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

ALC 101

“YOU’VE ALREADY SENT SO MANY MESSAGES THAT THEIR PHONE BATTERY HAS DIED FROM CONSTANT NOTIFICATIONS, YOU MIGHT AS WELL GIVE THEM A NICE LITTLE STORY TO WAKE UP TO.”

Lesson Six: Drunk Texting Drunk Professor

Have you spoken to this person in the last month/do they care to hear from you? Sometimes a few glasses of chardonnay have you thinking that there is no time quite like the present to mend burnt bridges or reconnect with your long lost bff from intermediate. Alcohol possesses the power to completely remove your risk assessing mental faculties, so if you find your fat thumbs tapping out a nostalgic message to your ex, its probably time to put the phone down.

With the influx of new and increasingly affordable communication technology in the late 90s, cellphone use became common amongst the general population. Parents purchased their teenager/s a Nokia brick for the purpose of communication during a school day or sleepover at a friend’s house. Today’s university students were the pioneers in the cellular phone

Can this person decode meaningless autocorrected sentiment? If the answer is, “No, I appear to have suddenly become dyslexic, and even a linguistics major couldn’t translate this,” then stop. Are you lost/alone/stranded/puking in the toilets? Text your friend. Right now. Call them too — multiple times.

revolution. They were the first teenagers to send text messages

Are you stumbling home in the dark through Steele Park?

to their crushes saying coy things like, ‘HeY, w0t r U up 2?’ as

Text your partner and tell them where you’re going, and text

they picked at their pimples, and set their phone to vibrate for

again when you get home to reassure them you are safe. Text

a good time. This generation of smooth-talking individuals must

your partner a stream of consciousness and tell them how much

now grapple with the reality of instant text messaging and alcohol

you love them. You’ve already sent so many messages that their

induced (read: poor) decision making. Mastering the art of drunk

phone battery has died from constant notifications, you might as

texting is integral to social success as a contemporary university

well give them a nice little story to wake up to.

student. The following questions are designed to allow you to assess the

Are you falling asleep against a really comfy tree? Call your mum. You need help.

benefits of pressing the send button. PAUSE, and consider:

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

A FASHIONABLE LIFESTYLE

“YOU’VE GOT TO START BELIEVING, EVEN AGAINST YOUR BETTER JUDGMENT, THAT KENDRICK LAMAR AND KAYNE WEST ARE COMPLETELY RESPECTABLE HIP-HOP LEGENDS.”

Common White Boy Starter Kit Jess Wilson

Skate 4 Lyf You’re a #core skater (I’m making hashcore a thing) who doesn’t take shit from the man. You like to wheel yourself around restricted areas, ignoring the signs that say “Bitch, don’t skate ‘ere!” The plot twist is that your skateboard is actually an overrated and embarrassing Penny board, making you look more pretentious than chill. So Hair for It You have two options hair (haha): short on the sides and long on top OR overgrown and slightly oily. If you don’t produce enough

It has come to my attention that the common white boy is evolving

scalp oil, the oil leftover from last night’s dinner is a fantastic

into a longboarding, rap loving douche at a pace comparable to

alternative — plus it makes you smell like food, something gym-

the recent measles outbreak. These boys can be found hanging

going chicks dig. If you don’t want to expose your oily head to the

around such places as Beef Eaters, where they inhale toxic shisha

world, or simply want a day off, a kitsch-print bucket hat or five

(keep doing this bbs), and chilling outside Static whilst pretending

panel cap will suffice in making you look like a dickhead.

they don’t listen to cunty music.

You’ve got to start believing, even against your better judgment,

If you’re going to wear something printed, it simply HAS to be

that Kendrick Lamar and Kayne West are completely respectable

branded. Lower, Crate, and Illab are all viable options. If you cannot

hip-hop legends. You must also believe that BANKS is a talented

afford such brands due to your upper-middle-class parent’s lack

singer, not just some mediocre pretty white girl who is only

of generosity, then apply for a prestigious minimum-wage job in

getting credit for being like Katy Perry — except underground.

either fast food or retail. When your applications all go unreplied to — which they will — start using your StudyLink allowance to update your wardrobe.

N.06 / V.47

Sick Beats

Land Some Brands

Black at Heart The final step to becoming the common white boy is being unintentionally racist. Call everyone with slightly darker skin tone

Choose Yo Shoes (Wisely)

“brother” and use the ‘n’ word as often as possible — it’s only a

Plain black Nikes and neutral Vans are a surefire way to appear

word! Finally, complete the look by trying to start a rap career by

more sporty than you actually are. That stomach pooch? More like

mimicking black 90s rappers. Always have a mixtape around to

liquid muscle. Those bony legs? More like titillatingly toned.

hand out to record dealers and producers.

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

SHE’S ABROAD

“HAS ANYONE HERE EVER HEARD OF THE POPULAR SAYING, “NO SHOES, NO SERVICE?” IT’S DEFINITELY A THING. AND IT’S A THING FOR GOOD REASONS!”

Barefoot

popular saying, “No Shoes, No Service?” It’s definitely a thing. And

Rebecca Pollard

WHY IT’S IMPORTANT TO WEAR SHOES

it’s a thing for good reasons!

(Worse case scenarios courtesy of me) Tetanus The terrible infection that you can get by stepping on something rusty. Rusty nail wound > Muscle spasms > Fever > DEATH. My first weekend in New Zealand, like many tourists, was spent in Hobbiton. I was fully prepared for the Hobbit holes and the Hobbit gardens. Everything was miniature and adorable! What I was not prepared for was the fact that many kiwis think that they’re Hobbits, which I’ve gathered from the large amount of people

Warts The nasty growth you can get from other people who have them. Wart > People finding out you have a wart > Never getting married and DYING alone.

who walk everywhere barefoot. The only other place I have seen

Sharks

this happen before arriving in New Zealand was in Lord of the

It’s so easy to be cut by glass while barefoot and blood attracts

Rings… and it’s actually a wonder to me that you don’t all have

sharks, so again, you’ll probably die. Cut > Blood > Shark > DEATH.

the atrociously hairy Hobbit-feet to go along with your frequent rugged barefoot style.

Besides all that, I personally think it’s really not okay to not be wearing any type of footwear in class. I can smell your feet,

The first time I saw someone barefoot, I was in the library

so that’s problem number one. Problem number two is that

registering for classes. Although it was an uncanny sight, it was

educational settings are supposed to be somewhat professional

still summer break and the guy had long-blonde hair, so I wrote

and you’re killing my professional vibe. Problem number three is

him off as a super-surfer and hoped he had just misplaced his flip-

that you wiggling your toes on the seat next to me is making me

flops. Later on that same day though, I noticed someone walking

feel like I might probably definitely vomit. Lastly, being barefoot

in The Warehouse with no shoes. I had to do multiple double takes

doesn’t go with your business-casual outfit and I don’t see what

before I could fully believe it. Has anyone here ever heard of the

you’re trying to do here. Please invest in some shoes!

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

THE WEEKLY GRIND

“I SLOWLY DE-ROBED AND PREPARED MY ANUS.”

Festival of the Fist Resident Gay

The man in charge I will call PicASSo, because what he did was most certainly artistic — a performance piece if you will. Beginning with a white pasty lube, and just an anus for a canvas, PicASSo painted with vigour. It was somewhat symbolic of the purity of a dove, before invaded by a fist shoved up the dove’s ass. To conquer the love hole, PicASSo stretched it first with a few fingers, getting more ambitious with each plunge. The fistee and fistor danced an elegant dance of pain, pleasure, and perversion.

I make it a point to live my life in honour of the old Chinese proverbs

As masochism evolved into torture, the novelty of my being there

I never learnt. One of my favourites became very relevant upon

quickly wore off. I could hear him venturing one fist closer to a

entering the city of Auckland to attend an event for ‘Kiwifist’. The

collection of very embarrassed internal organs. His liver screamed

proverb goes as follows: “A man who fists is a fool for 30 minutes.

right at me, “Why God! Why did you put me inside this weirdo?”

A man who never fists is a fool for life.”

It may have been telepathic because nobody else reacted to the

Inside the fisting establishment, I was to meet men who you wouldn’t dare let touch the finger foods at your cousin’s bar

Suddenly, everybody in the room stood still — mid fist. In

mitzvah. Old, hairy, and bulging from behind shiny leather, these

something out of MJ’s — Thriller, all heads turned to face me.

men were an inspiration to never stop chasing your dreams, no

One man gestured for me to come to the table. I weighed up my

matter what.

options of social shaming and decided to conform and just get it

I slithered my way behind closed doors that were allegedly painted in man-juice. The room inside carried a theme not dissimilar to

N.06 / V.47

plea, not even God (so unlike Him).

over and done with. I slowly de-robed and prepared my anus. “It’s for Nexus,” I affirmed, “an esteemed university magazine!”

back alley surgery, but leaving that place with only physical scars

Convulsing and frothing at the mouth, my eyes tore open; it was

would have been a blessing.

all a dream. Don’t fist.

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

CARNAGE

“AS MUCH AS I WISH I COULD, I CAN’T GO BUY THE TEXTBOOK OF PURPOSE AND LOOK UP ONE THAT FITS ME.”

Destiny’s a Biatch Jules Craft

because (when followed wisely) religion provides the tools for internal reflection and a selfish focus that is required for discovering our destiny. Religion in many shapes and forms has been around for as long as human beings. If it didn’t offer some sort of help or cultural value, it wouldn’t still be around. There being so many different religions is testament to the fact that there is no one real answer for everyone.

Fuck, trying to understand the world is difficult. Some days you

Another destiny locator seems to be in these two quotes: “Follow

wake up full of the energy of life and the readiness to contribute

your heart,” and “Do what makes you happy.” This one’s difficult

to this beautiful world, and others you feel as useful as a lethargic

because I have no fucking idea what language my heart speaks

baked bean. On my baked bean days I always spend my time

— but I guess that’s because I have never really tried to listen

asking myself these eternal questions of humanity. Why am I

to it. One thing I can say is that often when I am faced with two

here? What is the point of life? Since when was I a baked bean?

options, I spend way too long analysing the consequences of

The problem with these sorts of soul searches is that every person on the planet is so different the answer for each individual is different. As much as I wish I could, I can’t go buy the textbook of purpose and look up one that fits me. Sadly, I’m most likely going to need to write the book myself. Which is a pain in the ass because I already have a grammar assignment due today, a

both rather than going for the one I know I want. The worst thing about these quotes is that you understand them, but turning that understanding into action is difficult as fuck. There will always be things stopping you: fear, anxiety, friends, enemies, frenemies, and of course bad luck. I guess it’s just our choice whether or not we choose to take them on.

marketing research test next week, and my last bank statement

For someone who has no idea what their destiny is, I sure do have

has made it abundantly clear I’ll have to put aside some time for

a big mouth, but I do believe that it should be talked about and

a part-time job in the near future. With all this going on, how am I

discussed so we can all help each other reach happiness. Yay,

supposed to discover my destiny?

peace, love and understanding.

Although I wasn’t raised religious, I do believe that religion can

“His wasn’t the same as mine, nor mine as his. But we’re both in

offer significant value to this quest. No, not because the answer

search of our destinies and I respect him for that” — Alchemist

to life is “God made us and our mission is to worship Him” but

pg 80

NEXUS MAGAZINE 50 Years of Nexus

Dear Agony Art

Here are some suggestions I have:

What’s the best way to get a girl to know you’re interested in

1) A mix tape. It sounds lame, but it’s worked on more than one occasion in my own life. I recommend a mix of 80’s songs by Huey

her? I really like a girl in my American Lit class but I don’t think

Lewis and Jon Bon Jovi, combined with some modern classics by Justin

she even knows I exist. Help me Agony!

Timberlake and Rhianna. Then write a little note on why each song is

Greedo (via e-mail)

important to you. Follow this up by standing outside her window with a ghetto blaster held above your head, playing the mix tape at full bore.

Dear Greedo.

The less clothes you wear, the better you’ll do.

I would say ‘welcome to puberty’, but I’m guessing you’re a bit beyond that point if you’re doing American Lit at Uni. Most guys who get to

2) Arrange for flowers to randomly show up at her home/class/place of work. The more people who see her get the flowers, the better. You

university can pretty much figure out for themselves how to get a girl to be aware of their affection.

can choose to sign your name or not, but if you don’t, be aware that there are scum bags out there who will claim themselves to be the sender.

Unfortunately, they’re not always subtle about it. Getting drunk and crying outside her door in College Hall was a popular method a few years ago, often with less than ideal results. This will typically just get a girl to think you have issues and/or are an emo fuck and/or have no

3) Try talking to her. I know, it sounds crazy, but it may just work. Girls have this weird obsession with talking and communication and various other things which men are genetically predisposed to sucking at. If you

actual room of your own. Another popular method is grabbing at her sweater-cows in a crowded bar, then fighting off the imaginary assailant. This is a pretty solid method, but mostly occurs when the male is drunk

can get a conversation going with this young lady, then you’re one step closer to saying those four easy words: “I like your boobs”. Good luck with your endeavours, Greedo. Just remember, don’t shoot

and results in his ass being kicked a whole bunch.

first (if you get that joke, you probably will anyways). Love Agony Art

Because the world needs to know about Blair Munro’s leg being owie My leg hurts. This isn’t one of those drunken, wake up in the morning, “What the fuck did I do last night?” kind of pains. Conveniently, those

As a child of my parents, I find that picture disturbing. I grew up on the good stuff, like John Farnham, and Queen, and Mike and the Mechanics, Sting and the Police, and M People. Nowadays, the only thing kids are growing up on is pop tripe. Yes, the offal from the stomachs of the great composers is being fed to the masses. I think Bill

pains can often be dealt with using the same Ibuprofen you take to cope with a massive hangover. No, my leg is hurting properly. I was stretching, and then the knee gave way. The joint rolled somehow, and I heard this loud crack, and it hasn’t been right since. It hurts at full extension and it hurts at full bend, so the resting position is at some awful obtuse angle. My leg is now the lower body equivalent of Eric Clapton’s left hand.

Bailey said it best: “There’s more evil in the charts than in an Al Qaeda suggestion box.”

So walking has been a lot slower for me, at least until it gets better, and this has given me a chance to think in transit a lot more. Some of you may watch a lot of television (“I don’t own a television.” “But you are aware that there is an invention called television, and on this invention they show shows, right?”), and specifically advertisements are starting to get on my nerves. That one for the musical toothbrush in particular. Tooth Tunes, I think they call it.

Ads just aren’t as clever as they used to be. If they were, I’d have had to have a different topic this week. I guess that’s the problem though, isn’t it? Ads market to children, for the simple reason that a month of a child’s nagging is far more effective at selling than a 30 second advertisement played twice a day.

“Featuring great artists like Kelly Clarkson, Black Eyed Peas, and Queen’s ‘We Will Rock You.’”

Hang on, what? So kids today can sing along with Breakaway, and My Humps, but they have to be told who sings We Will Rock You?

N.06 / V.47

What these toothbrushes should have, is the full version of Bohemian Rhapsody. I can see it now: “You’ll brush your teeth for seven goddamn minutes, and you’ll goddamn enjoy it!”

Blind Date NEXUS MAGAZINE

Brought to you by The Bank and 97.8 The Edge. Each week nexus attempts to make a love/sexual connection. if you’re keen for a date on us, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz

“I was there first which was kind of good. As soon as I saw a guy

“I walked in feeling awkward as fuck because usually I’m not

walk in on his own I knew that he would be here for the date. He

down for any sort of blind date — unless it’s Tinder and you’ve

was tall, nice hair, but probably could have styled it a little better

seen her face. When the waitress pointed me to the table with

for a first date. He had a cute little awkward smile.

a girl, I let out a sigh of relief. She had a killer smile and a sweet

The Lady’s Experience

I was relieved when he suggested cocktails. The stronger the better as I was quite nervous. Blind dates aren’t really my thing.

The Gentleman’s Experience

rack. We decided to pick out a cocktail for each other, so I got her the Paradiso and she got me some honey vodka concoction.

I had fish and chips for dinner and he had the lamb, I think? We

The conversation actually flowed really easily. She told me

shared a dessert — his suggestion which I thought was really

she was a dance teacher and was studying English… or was it

cute.

media? After she said the words dance teacher, all I could really

We had another drink and by the end of it I was feeling incredibly tipsy. After dinner we went and got another drink elsewhere and this morning I woke up in his bed. I have his number and will definitely be jumping on that disco stick again.”

think about was her in some tight little hotpants. Anyway… we got an entrée, dinner, and dessert — but no one really cares about that shit. We ordered a few drinks over the evening and talked about funny random shit that you tend to cover on a first date. Did I get her number? Mate, I did better than that. I took her home.”

MAKE THE STUDENT EXPERIENCE A BETTER ONE EXPRESSIONS OF INTEREST ARE SOUGHT FOR TWO VACANCIES. IF THIS IS SOMETHING THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO OR YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNOW MORE ABOUT EMAIL WSU@WSU.ORG.NZ OR VISIT OUR WEBSITE WWW.WSU.ORG.NZ

Cooking for Students NEXUS MAGAZINE

Slow Roasted Lamb Zac Lyon

Method 1. Trim any excess fat off roast. Put into a large roasting dish and lovingly lather in oil (this might not be the only time you have lovingly lovingly lathered oil). Season with salt and pepper. 2. Stab roast six times with a knife. Stuff garlic cloves with a sprig of rosemary into each gaping wound.

I have always maintained that the key to someone’s heart is food. The ability to rustle up a meal from scratch without setting the kitchen, or yourself, on fire is generally considered a good life skill to have. What’s more is that you can really seduce people with your culinary genius. For example: prospective future partner comes round for dinner. You have the table laid out, maybe a candle or two (but no more — remember safety first), and a flower in a vase. You whip up some garlic bread for starters, so everyone’s breath smells like garlic, not just yours. Then comes out the main course. A slow roasted leg of lamb with roasted veges. Some fermented grape juice and the night comes alive. Then finally to finish, a crème brulee with a side of raspberry coulis. If they aren’t putty in your hands, finish the night with a peck on the cheek and send them on their way. If they aren’t putty in your hands… “cuddle” romantically for the rest of the night. Boom — Dating 101. Ingredients 2.5 kg lamb leg (or shoulder) — wait until it comes on special. 8 – 9 cloves of garlic 4 sprigs of rosemary 3 carrots 3 sticks of celery

3. Place halved carrots and celery along the roast. Place three cloves of garlic, tomatoes, and red wine in the roasting tray. 4. Cover with aluminium foil and place into oven at 150°C and cook for 4 – 5 hours. 5. Can pretty much leave it to do its thing and check whether it is cooked at around 4 hours by inserting a knife into it. Observe the colour of the juice that runs. If it is still bloody, put back into oven. If slightly red/pink, remove and let rest for 15 minutes. 6. All the other ingredients in the roasting tray will be nice and mushy. Strain these with a sieve and collect the juices. This can be added to your gravy. 7. Of course you should have some roast veges to accompany this fine creation you have just made. Agria potatoes, red kumara, and butter squash pumpkin are the best choices to go with. 8. Serve to your significant other, or flatmates. Either way people will love you for this. Especially with the cooler nights coming up, it’s the perfect ins for a movie night = snuggles on the couch = (lets be honest) sitting by yourself on the couch eating a whole lamb leg, watching The Notebook.

1 can of chopped tomatoes 1 bottle of red wine Salt and pepper

NEXUS MAGAZINE CARE

WAIKATO STUDENTS’ UNION

ADVOCACY

Healthy Relationships Forming romantic relationships is exciting and scary, and a whole lot of fun — you don’t need us to tell you that. What we do want to remind you though, is the importance of making sure the relationship you are in is healthy and safe. This week, Tuesday 1pm in Level Zero, we are running a seminar on healthy relationships. This will cover a range of topics, and open up discussion on what is and isn’t good for you. If you aren’t able to come along, or just want to be prepared, then take this quiz and see where your relationship falls.

Take the Positive Relationships Quiz Whether you are in a long-term or casual relationship, you deserve to be treated well and ensure that you are treating your partner respectfully. Take the quiz to see how healthy your relationship is. Visit areyouok.org.nz to take the quiz online and download their advice sheet on healthy relationships. In a relationship, I...

Y N

The person I am with...

Y N

Support my choices

Get on OK with her/his friends and family

Listens to my opinions

Listen to her/his opinion

Is positive and encourages me

Spend time by myself

Accepts when I say I don’t want to have sex

Trust my partner

Accepts what I wear and how I look

Criticise or make fun of her/him in front of others

Is not liked by my friends and family

Get annoyed if I want sex but she/he doesn’t

Makes me feel like I can’t do anything right

Get jealous when she/he talks to others

Makes fun of me or calls me names

Constantly worry she/he is cheating on me

Sulks or gets angry when he/she doesn’t get what they want

Text or call all the time to check up on them

Blames me for his/her problems

Follow or check up on them (read their texts or emails)

Texts of calls me all the time to check up on me

Often get upset about what she/he does

Makes it hard for me to see my friends/family; gets jealous when I do

Expect her/ him to tell me where they are all the time

Pressures me to have sex or do things I don’t want to

Think it’s OK to be rough sometimes

Threatens to hurt himself/herself

Take out my frustrations on her/him

Does things that scare me (breaking things, yelling, driving fast)

1–2

3–4

Your relationship seems to be healthy and respectful. That’s great!

There may be a few unhealthy aspects to your relationship. This can be a warning sign that it will become more abusive. It’s a good idea to address these early.

There may be some warning signs that your relationship is abusive. It’s important to take warning signs seriously as abuse can get worse over time.

There are definitely warning signs in your relationship. Abuse and controlling behaviours can get worse over time and it’s sometimes hard to see how bad things have become.

Visit areyouok.org.nz or call the Family Violence information line on 0800 456 450 to find out about services in your community. The phone line operates seven days a week, from 9am to 11pm. If you or anyone else is in danger call 111.

Support my partner’s decisions

N.06 / V.47

CARE NEXUS MAGAZINE

REPRESENTATION

CLUBS Do you have a passion for student culture, a drive to help others, and a lack of shame that would astound the general public? If so, boy, do we have the job for you. The Waikato Students’ Union is on the lookout for two new directors to fill vacancies on our board. As a WSU Director you will be entitled to a free gym membership and a small acknowledgement of your services through an honorarium. You will be expected to work around 10 hours a week, but will have a real opportunity to influence the University community.

Club Grants This year the WSU will conduct three funding rounds for our Clubs and Societies Network. A massive number of applications were received for our first round and some clubs not listed have been held over to the next funding round

You know that saying, “be the change you want to see in the

and/or will receive other forms of support

world”? Yeah, well that could be you.

from the WSU. Congratulations to the

If you are interested in the position we are taking expressions of interest now at wsu@wsu.org.nz. Make sure you get these in by this Friday the 24th of April.

following Club Grants Recipients: African Club $250 Rwandan Remembrance Event Board Gamers Club $100 Activity Support

Someone Wants Your Money! Have you ever seen a guy in your class and just wanted to say “you have fine written all over you”? That may soon be your car. The University’s new Vice-Chancellor has paid parking on his radar, and as of yet it is unclear whether this will be applied to students (but highly likely). Other university students around the country already bear the burden of parking costs so it will be interesting to see how it all plays out here in the mighty Waikato, where paying for parking is as taboo as a door charge on student night. Is our new VC a GC? ...only time will tell. In the mean time I would love to hear your thoughts on parking on campus, or transport in general. Do you support paid parking? Is your bus service meeting your needs? Did somebody steal your bike? These are the big issues of the day — write to president@wsu.org.nz now or forever hold your peace.

Christian Club $200 Resource Support Christian Fellowship $80 Resource Support CS3 $100 Event Support C.S.A.C.C $250 Resource Support DebSoc $245 Easter Competition Gardening Club $100 Resource Support Feminists $200 Resource Support

EXPERIENCE

Your 15 Minutes of Fame: Are You Smart Enough? University Challenge is pub quiz reality TV for actual smart people. We’ve won the title once, in the final showdown in 1989 before a 25 year hiatus. We were so good we broke the system. Last year we came fifth and this year Waikato wants that grand title back. Originally aired on TV One in 1976-1989, someone in 2014 thought 21st century students were smart enough to warrant its return. As children of the 21st century (iPhones, Tablets, Facebook, Cloud computing, Lady Gaga, Parks and Recreation, an African American president) we agree. If you are a pub quiz junkie or have a really strange collection of intellectual interests, you may be the droid we are looking for (Nerds, please apply). How do you qualify? You just need to be a student at Waikato. That’s it! We’re taking expressions of interest now and we’ll test your claims to advanced levels of intellect and fact hoarding later. Hit the buzzer at challenge@wsu.org.nz

Fire and Flow $200 Activity Support Mandarin $300 Teaching Material Noize Radio Student Club $200 Website and Training Development PGSA $300 Activity Support Tramping $700 Resource Support SavY $200 Resource Support Waicath $80 Activity Support WISA $300 Event Support WPSA $250 Event Support

NEXUS MAGAZINE Snapped

Snap nexusmag your shenanigans! The best snap each week (printed with the white border), wins a voucher from our mates at Burgerfuel. Claim it from the Nexus office in SUB.

N.06 / V.47

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Puzzles

SUDOKU

2 8

1 6

4 1

7 3

MEDIUM

EASY

8 1

9 4

4 9

HARD

CODEWORDS

SLITHERLINK

Each letter in the puzzle is represented by a number 1 – 26. Crack the code to solve it.

Join the dots to create a single continuous

10 1

20 26

6 15

10 19

1 7

2 8

6 20

11 8

W Y

8 11

11 26

14 2

How many words can you make from these letters? The letters must touch horizontally, vertically or diagonally and cannot be used more than once in a word.

6 20

12 10

8 17

loop. The numbers indicate how many lines must surround each number and the loop must never cross itself.

TRIVIAL

Where would you wear brothel creepers?

Who is the caretaker at Hogwarts?

2 0

2 3 3

Plutocracy is rule by what type of people?

8 10

WORD TWIST

11 13

12 23

What French word meaning ‘together’ describes a small group of singers?

Puzzles NEXUS MAGAZINE

CROSSWORD

KAKURO

Solve the clues and fill in the words.

Fill all of the blank squares in the grid using only the

numbers 1 – 9 so the numbers entered add up to the

corresponding clue. You cannot use the same number 12

17 20

68 71

17 22

24 24

16 17

59 65

16 24

46 49

58 64

48 51

26 30

more than once in a run (eg. 7, 1, 1).

19 23

SIMPLE PUZZLES FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE The bee population is currently dwindling to record lows and as Einstein is misquoted as saying if the bees die

Across

58. Handle roughly (4)

27. Martini garnish (5)

1. A pint, maybe (3)

59. It’s debatable (5)

28. Unexpected sports

4. ___ of the Unknown

63. Old Ford (5)

outcome (5)

Soldier (4)

65. Grisham novel (9)

29. 100-meter, e.g. (4)

8. No angel (4)

68. “Come in!” (5)

31. Prophetic (5)

12. Auspices (4)

69. Table supports (4)

32. Diary bit (5)

13. La Scala highlight (4)

70. At one time, at one time (4)

33. Eye affliction (4)

14. Picture puzzle (5)

71. Exhausted, with “in” (4)

34. Got gray (4)

16. Grisham novel (9)

72. Cupid, to the Greeks (4)

36. Born as (3)

18. Happening (5)

73. Mermaid’s home (3)

37. “Buona ___” (Italian

then mankind will be dead in four years.” So save the god damned bee!

greeting) (4)

19. Camp craft (5) 20. Genuine, in Germany (4)

Down

39. Way around London (4)

22. Calendar square (3)

1. Eastern pooh-bah (4)

40. Grisham novel “___ Row”

23. Cellular stuff (3)

2. Bank claim (4)

(8)

25. Persian potentates (5)

3. Accompany to a party (6)

44. “Hold it right there!” (4)

27. Surpassed (6)

4. Mai ___ (3)

45. ___ roll (3)

30. Goes (6)

5. Neighbor of Wash. (3)

49. Cast-of-thousands film (4)

34. Austrian peak (3)

6. King Solomon’s excavations (5)

50. Snacks (6)

35. Valet (10)

7. Baker’s dozen? (5)

52. Moscow money (5)

38. Main points (5)

8. Grisham novel, “The ___” (8)

53. More sick (5)

41. “Understand?” (3)

9. Gun, as an engine (3)

55. Expose, in verse (3)

42. Meshlike (5)

10. In the sack (4)

56. Fasten (4)

43. All over the place (10)

11. Sushi fish (4)

57. Division word (4)

46. Anger (3)

12. And more (3)

60. Arid (4)

47. Separate (6)

15. Hog haven (3)

61. “Major” animal (4)

48. Model employer (6)

17. Advance (4)

62. “C’___ la vie!” (3)

51. Native New Zealander (5)

21. Fit (4)

64. Big ___ Conference (3)

54. Mail place: Abbr. (3)

24. Goal (3)

66. “I” problem (3)

55. ___-Wan Kenobi (3)

26. Computer menu command (4)

67. Beast of burden (3)

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When you study at Waikato, you choose the field and weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll turn you into an expert. Set yourself up with one of our Research Institute Scholarships, worth up to $85,000. The big challenges facing the world today require research that transcends boundaries and inspires innovation. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s why our six Research Institutes are each offering a doctoral scholarship worth up to $85,000 and a masters scholarship worth $12,000. Our Research Institutes support world-class research and fund programmes which span the length of the research pipeline from discovery to application and commercialisation. For more information and to apply visit waikato.ac.nz/research/research-institute-scholarships.shtml

THE WSU NEEDS YOUR BRAINS If you can answer more than 7 of these questions correctly you should email Challenge@wsu.org.nz to register your interest in being on the Waikato University Challenge Team. The show will be filmed later this year and shown on TV.

Who voices Puss in Boots in the Shrek films?

Mariachi music is most closely associated with which country?

What is WiFi short for?

Here are the artists all of whom have covered a song in common, name the song: Dolly Parton,

Whitney Houston and Beyoncé Knowles

What party did JFK represent?

From which book did the term doubting Thomas originate?

Who became the youngest man, at age 35, to win the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964?

Protestant William of Orange succeeded Catholic James I hence introducing Orange as a colour to

distinguish that religion, from what country did he originate?

“I kissed thee ere I killed thee, no way but this, killing myself to die upon a kiss” are the last lines

uttered by which Shakespearean character after killing his wife?

10.

In what decade of the 20th century did the unmanned Soviet spacecraft Luna 9 make the first

controlled rocket-assisted landing on the moon, England beat Germany 4-2 to win the World Cup

and John Lennon was forced to apologise for claiming that the Beatles were ‘more popular than

Jesus’.