Nexus 2018 Issue 08 by Nexus Magazine

TOP 10 ONLINE RELICS WHICH SHOULD REMAIN FORGOTTEN

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Editorial FOMO News Easy News Horoscopes Entertainment Reviews Pass the Aux Random Audit: Unity Dance Club Sporting Goods Rad Rags for Ladies and Lads Drinking Games Centrefold Feature: Mercy Ships: Saving Africa

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Lonely Tarts Club The Crowd Goes Mild Full Exposure: The Great War Channel This vs That Waikatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Flats Auteur House How to Fix Everything Blind Date Snapped Puzzles

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Issue 8, 9th - 13th April 2018 Editor: Lyam Buchanan editor@nexusmag.co.nz Design: Vincent Owen design@nexusmag.co.nz Managing Editor: James Raffan james@wsu.org.nz Deputy Editor: Grace Mitchell grace@nexusmag.co.nz News Editor: Alexander Nebesky alex@nexusmag.co.nz Sub Editor: Jennie-Louise Kendrick jen@nexusmag.co.nz Reviews Editor: Archie Porter reviews@nexusmag.co.nz

Contributors: Conor Maxwell, CJ Lee, Owen Schonewille, Paora Manuel, Kaitlin Stewart, Cameron McRobie, Richard Swainson, Jared Ipsen, Emily Reid, Nicola Smith, Kim Sare, and the gracious tenants of Knighton Vineyard Centrefold: Tayone Instagram: @tayone.abz Online: ttaayyoonnee.tumblr.com Horoscope Illustrations: Josh Nelson Instagram: @joshprobably Twitter: @joshDrawbably Design Interns: Patrick Knights, Ray Puri Video Interns: Isaac Wohlers, Madison MacInnes Podcast Editor: Caleb Bird

Meat Beating Gone Public The Facebook / Cambridge Analytica conversation has asked a lot of questions recently. Is it right to sell data? Is this a reality of modern media? Should we still be on social media? What we haven’t been asking enough of is “Are people in secret room listening to my conversations through my webcam?” and “What the fuck are we going to do about that?” Recently, a Youtuber called Mitchollow chucked up a live stream called “Is Google always listening: Live Test”. In the video, he holds up a piece of paper reading “dog toys”, and explains why there would never be a reason for an ad involving them to pop up. After showing the audience the typical ads he’s shown, Mitchollow closes his browser and talks about dog toys for a few minutes. When he opens up the same webpages as before, they’re all chocca with dog toy ads. Obviously, this isn’t definitive proof of anything, though it’s far more legitimate proof than “Woah I was fully talking about ‘x’, and then I saw an ad about ‘x’ on my timeline.” So if we’re to accept that Google really is doing this, the next question is clearly “Am I actually going to stop using it?” To which the answer is probably a resounding ‘no’. Personally, it sucks that I don’t care enough about how my data is utilised to stop. Thankfully, everyone I’ve talked to about it in the past few weeks feels the same. If Google can get away with constantly listening to us, without consent, is there actually a red line where we’d go “fuck, that’s not on”? Maybe if this data were knowingly being used for more than just personalised ads, we’d care a little more. If anything, it’s somewhat handy to have ads related to what you’ve been chatting about, or for whoever you’ve been bitching about to pop up in your suggested friends for additional stalking. Police involvement would obviously be a biggie, though I’d say involuntary profiling would be the point at which a fair few of us would jump ship. Imagine if everything you’d ever searched, watched, said, etc. was compiled into a tell-all profile over which you had no control. Think of LinkedIn, except it highlights the most recent video of you masturbating through a webcam and your bio is a transcript of the top 10 most problematic things you’ve ever said. For now, it doesn’t seem all that bad. After all, if the worst thing they are going to do to me is try and sell me sleeping pills, country cry pop from 2016-18, or send me invites to all of Eliza McCartney’s upcoming pole vault meets, then it’s still better than using Bing.

– Lyam 1

SAN Fest | Tuesday 5th June | 7.30 pm ‘til late | The Bank Bar and Brasserie

Do you froth travelling, adventures and good times but feel like it’s just too much of a hassle to organize your life? Well, the Study Abroad Network is here to help! SAN Fest is a night for you to get out and meet like-minded people who want to/have explored the world. We are here to give you the chance to integrate and socialise with exchange students, local Waikato students, the SAN family, and any street stragglers. There will be a range of free nibbles and subsidised drinks so make sure you come down and take advantage!

Fieldays 2018 | 13th - 16th June | Mystery Creek

From the latest agricultural technology and ground-breaking innovations to shopping, competitions and demonstrations, live shows, and tasty food prepared by some of New Zealand’s top chefs, there’s something for everyone. An ideal opportunity to earn some extra cash on the side. Businesses will be starting to look for staff fairly soon so jump on Student Job Search, Trade Me, Seek, and keep an eye out on Facebook to get amongst.

Global Village

Join AIESEC at their Global Village 2K18 event to travel the world without leaving campus! You’ll experience culture, activities and food at this multicultural event. Head down to Level Zero on Wednesday 2 May, 11 am - 2 pm.

Scholarships to Germany

Come along to the DAAD Scholarship Seminar on Thursday 3 May to learn more about the opportunities for studying and researching in Germany. There are scholarships available for all disciplines and levels: undergraduate, graduate, doctoral, and postdoctoral. The seminar will be held in B.G.24, 2 pm – 3 pm.

Māori and Pacific Careers Evening

For the chance to mix, mingle, and network, come along to our Māori and Pacific Careers Evening, Tuesday 15 May, 5.30 - 7.30 pm in the S Block Upper Foyer. The event is an opportunity for Māori and Pacific students to find out what employers are looking for in a university graduate and make valuable contacts with the companies you would like to work for. Register at goo.gl/ePLzKW/

Himalayan Trust Quiz Night

To raise money for the Himalayan Trust, our Hillary Scholars have organised a Quiz Night Fundraiser on Wednesday 2 May at the Good Neighbour in Rototuna. Get your team together and enter now!

JENNIE-LOUISE KENDRICK

It’s Northern Hemisphere festival season, and every social media influencer is letting you know just how hydrated and glittery they are. Cara Delevingne has taken a stand against the Coachella Festival, saying “I still refuse to go to a festival that is owned by someone who is anti-LGBT and pro-gun” and the hashtag #nochella has perforated the continuous social media feed coverage of the event. On the surface, festivals are uber fun places to party. Dig a little deeper, and you’ll find scary statistics about the violence, drug-related injuries and sexual assaults that occur. But at an organisational level, there is no seedier a reputation than Coachella; the mecca for faux-hippies sporting cultural appropriative outfits. The revenue gathered from festival goers contributes to the right-wing, conservative agenda. Which is ironic considering the number of LGBTTQIA+ patrons, acts and progressive liberals that attend. In 1999, Los Angeles company GoldenVoice spent 18 years introducing audiences to grunge and punk bands as an independent concert promoter, and started the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival. Two years later, founders Rick Van Santen and Paul Tollett sell GoldenVoice to the Anschutz Entertainment Group for USD 7 million. AEG is a subsidiary of The Anschutz Corporation, which also owns multiple arenas like London’s O2 and Los Angeles’ Staples Center. Since then, AEG’s namesake and owner Philip Anschutz - a 77-year-old billionaire - has owned Coachella. While Philip Anschutz, a self-described Christian conservative, is Rupert Murdoch-level wealthy with his fingers in multiple pies, he has mainly made his

fortune drilling for oil. He rarely grants interviews but has garnered interest from the press with Cara Delevingne’s boycott of this year’s Coachella Festival. Recently, a nonprofit called Freedom for All Americans posted an infographic showing the rich lister’s slimy snail trail of donations backed up by 2016 tax filings. The Anschutz Corporation donated USD 110,000 to Alliance Defending Freedom between 2011-2013; a company that has equated homosexuality to committing incest and beastility, and continues to lobby for the criminalisation of homosexuality in the US and internationally. The Family Research Council, which published a pamphlet titled “Homosexual Activists Work to Normalize Sex With Boys” claimed that pro-LGBT Americans seek to “abolish all age of consent laws and to eventually recognise paedophiles as the ‘prophets’ of a new sexual order”. The Southern Poverty Law Centre have said that FRC “often makes false claims about the LGBT community based on discredited research and junk science” in order to “denigrate LGBT people in its battles against same-sex marriage, hate crimes laws, anti-bullying programs and the repeal of the military’s ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy.” The FRC has also received USD 30,000 worth of donations from The Anschutz 5

Corporation from 2010 to 2013. According to the Center for Responsive Politics, Anschutz and his wife, Nancy, gave over USD 1 million to Republican candidates and political action committees (PACs) in the 2016 election cycle. Amidst these revelations, Anschutz said “Recent claims published in the media that I am anti-LGBTQ are nothing more than fake news... “It is all garbage. I unequivocally support the rights of all people without regard to sexual orientation.” Through the 2016 tax returns of The Anschutz Foundation, big daddy Phil’s philanthropic arm of his empire, it was revealed that he continued to donate to organisations propagating anti-queer speech; including USD 50,000 to Dare 2 Share Ministries whose founder and CEO, Greg Stier, wrote in a 2008 blog post that “Homosexuality is a Satanic perversion of God’s gift of sex.” As well as funding organisational homophobia, Anschutz donates to other right-wing causes like pro-gun and anti-choice groups, and an organisation called NumbersUSA which describes itself as an “immigration-reduction organization”. “I have my fingers crossed that some of my favorite artists who are on the bill will take a stand against raising money for an individual or organization that is actively working to further oppress and marginalize LGBT people,” says out singer Logan Lynn, who has never performed at Coachella. “So far, I haven’t seen anything like this… but I think we will. These moments matter, and as consumers, we hold all of the cards.” Coachella presents further problems with corporate social responsibility than Anschutz donating to discriminatory causes. Last year, the festival brought a quarter million people flocking and grossed USD 114.6 million. People were stunned by Beyonce’s performance, disregarding that fact that she is the third female headliner ever and the only woman of colour to top the bill. She joins Lady 6

Gaga and Bjork atop a painfully short list of female performers—only 19 percent of acts this year were female; a further 10 percent were mixed gender. Furthermore, sexual assault and harassment was rife at the concert. Vera Papisova attended the concert for Teen Vogue, and recounted the disgusting conduct of her fellow revellers. Papisova reported being groped 22 times during the ten hours she spent at Coachella. The article also included other patrons’ recounts of similar behaviour. She told how a stranger screamed that she was a “heinous bitch” for denying him a kiss. One interviewee, 16-year-old Reagan, told Teen Vogue, “Just the way people touch me when you’re walking through a crowd. Why are you touching me there? We’re trying to have fun and fit in here, “It’s scary, and you can’t trust the random people around you to help you. And with those bigger men it’s just harder and its scarier to say something to them because they might get angry and get violent. Like if you’re not nice, they might hurt you.” So who should be held accountable? Anschutz is one of the largest landowners in the United States and the 42nd entry on the Forbes’ Rich List. His coffers are thoroughly lined, and make a considerable amount off the bedazzled backs of festival goers. The main attraction of Coachella is the chance to see celebrities or Instagram stars, many of whom have accepted corporate sponsorship to be there and show face. Yes, the musical acts are amazing, but stargazing is the main event. They lead so-called “woke” patrons to a cliff of hypocrisy and moral ambiguity; their money supporting causes they most likely admonish. Just as it is the consumer’s responsibility to push clothing manufacturers to relinquish child labour for ethical clothing sources, or the supermarket to swap caged eggs for free-range, those wishing to attend such events need to not renounce their beliefs to bask in ignorance.

Auckland’s Less Than Fine Art ALEXANDER NEBESKY Following an official review from the University of Auckland advocating the disestablishment of the Creative Arts and Industries (CAI) libraries and their consolidation in various parts in the central library, Fine Arts students at the University have organised to oppose the suggestion. The review contains three primary recommendations on the future of the CAI libraries including the significant move to ‘Consolidate the three CAI libraries into the General Library.’ The loss of the familiar CAI libraries is regarded in the review as not ‘a major problem, however’, and it is stated that Fine Arts students would benefit from more time spent in the central library ‘given their idiosyncratic information needs and eclectic reading habits (ranging well outside of their discipline).’ A significant point of contention surrounding the review has been the lack of transparency and the

neglect to consult students on the plans or the process being undertaken to decide the libraries’ futures. Save the Fine Arts Library, a group established to combat the current review, has organised an information campaign and a website from which the review and proposal can be read, and letters of support for the CAI libraries can be sent to the University Vice-Chancellor and others involved in the decision. There has also been a measure of concern surrounding the prospect of books being intentionally destroyed in the process of disestablishing the library to save space and costs of maintenance on low-use resources. One staff member who helped with the packing of thousands of books from the university’s Engineering library told Radio New Zealand, “Any books that they had a copy of or hadn’t used for a substantial amount of time would be carted off to the incinerator”.

Waikato Rowers Demolish Otago Boat Peasants LYAM BUCHANAN The University of Waikato Rowing Club (UWRC) have made history, becoming the first and only university club to beat the University of Otago on overall points at the AON NZ University Championships. After a gruelling 17 years in the hands of the scarfies, the Ashes Rowing Trophy will now lose the Otago blue it’s sported since creation in favour of the arguably more suited Waikato colours. Our rowers also took out the champ women’s and men’s eight, bringing

home both the Hebberley Shield and Tamaki Cup. Many of our rowers claim the main reason for competing was to take part in the annual court session and uni games after party; becoming the leading New Zealand university for rowing was a bonus. An anonymous spokesperson of the UWRC says, “With the likes of Mahe Drysdale starting his rowing career at uni games, who knows who might come through the works and pull on the fern one day.” 7

• 14.3 million – The cost of the fuel pipe that was ruptured by illegal digger activity in Auckland last year, in New Zealand Dollars, incurred by Refinery NZ. • 94 – The age in years of Second World War ANZAC veteran Max Skerret of Invercargill. He attended his first ANZAC Day service this year. • 2.3 million – The amount in dollars that Mike Pero, of Mike Pero Mortgages fame claims he cannot pay back after he embezzled it between 2013 and 2014 from a joint venture he undertook with a financial services company in Australia. • 28 – The age in years of Swedish DJ Avicii, who died earlier in April.

HP AMP RRP- $100(ISH)

A printer which is still useful when it’s out of ink. With the slogan “Plays music. Prints memories”, it’s clear HP is shamelessly throwing themselves at the student market with this speaker-printer hybrid. Surprisingly, it’s not as shit as you might expect. Not only is it compact and easy to use, but the speaker itself is good enough for you to forget it’s a bit of a gimmick. Why should you buy this? • The speaker is aight. • The accompanying app makes all your printing and scanning seamless. Why shouldn’t you buy this? • Ink is expensive as fuck. • You probably already own a UE Boom .

• ‘View of Mt Egmont, Taranaki, New Zealand, taken from New Plymouth, with Maoris driving off settlers’ cattle’, an iconic painting by William Strutt in 1861 has been described as “colonialist’s propaganda that encouraged state sponsored racism against Māori” by Taranaki kaumātua Peter Moeahu after an Art Gallery in New Plymouth applied to host an exhibition of the work in early 2019. • Pajama, dressing gown, and onesie wearers have been told to put some adult clothes if they want to enjoy an evening at Hawera Cinemas. ‘Just a friendly reminder that we have a dress code at Hawera Cinemas, it’s simple really, as long as you are appropriately dressed and are wearing clean footwear, you are good to go.’ Read the online post requesting adults, who should know better, to put some grown-up clothes on and have some damn self-respect.

Taurus (Apr 20-May 20) Wifi passwords will make an unexpected change this week. We recommend using “TigBitties”, “3315882VH47”, or “LifeIsASimulation” to reconnect with the World Wide Web. Gemini (May 21-June 20) Your inner urge for self-destruction propels you through social hierarchy; your careless attitude to life is adored by others. Who would’ve guessed being neglected as a child would eventually pay off?

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21) A primitive sense of humour allows for happiness in the simplest of places. It takes a special kind of someone to enjoy romantic reality TV. Luckily, the industry will forever feed off simpletons like yourself. Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21) Communication and discussion are key to meaningful relationships. It’s a shame you’re too cowardly to be much more than a wet flannel in social situations; there’s a reason you’re no longer invited.

Cancer (June 21-July 22) As a child of midwinter, your cold, emotionless gaze drains the joys of life from those around you. Fun Fact: If you stop attempting to sleep with people in relationships you’ll find others stop hating you so much.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) They’re a Taurus, aren’t they?... Thought so, sis. Technically you’re not compatible, but they are kinda cute... Fuck it, just go for it. I’ve always thought you had more of a Sagittarius vibe anyways.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22) A beige tinge overcomes the moon. As a result, your aura begins to pacify, your energy increasingly perceptive. Utilise this sensitivity to accept the eventual abandonment by those you care for.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) You’re due for a psychological rebirth; allow the tides of late May to cleanse your being. Your addiction to porn has gone too far for too long. You’re better than this. You’re more than this.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22) Do not chuck a multi down this week; your stars really aren’t looking lucky. Jacinda didn’t give you an extra $50 a week so that you could waste it on tactless gambles.

Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20) Nobody is impressed anymore by your ability to quote that Mitre 10 ad from 2005; it’s lasting impression makes us think you might be more suited to an apprenticeship.

Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22) The sheer volume of feijoas under your neighbour’s tree is enough justification to sneak over with a plastic bag and grab a few. It’s not theft; it’s just tidying up their lawn.

Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19) There’s a high chance you’ll endure an awkward interaction with a farmer this week. If this prophecy is fulfilled, take a moment and reflect on how closely to bovine your appearance has become.

Crush of the Week: Suzy Cato

What’s Hot:

You may remember her by the hearty fringe, scrunchies, brightly coloured jumpers, beloved Suzy’s World reruns, or perhaps the classic “it’s our time, kia ora, talofa” jam. Despite being well-loved by kiwi kids for two decades, if you’ve seen the latest Dancing with the Stars ad, you will have realised that Suzy has pent-up attitude (probably from all those years of bordering-onscary enthusiasm) and moves to boot; she is in fact a fierce, babin’, stone cold MILF in gold lamé.

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Garlic bread on a plane

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Jacinda Ardern in her kahu huruhuru

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Hell – thanks to all the sexy gays sent by Brian Tamaki

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Calling your weight gain a “winter coat” to keep warm

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When your flatmate only speaks in Vine references

Clickbait Moodboard:

What’s Not:

Theme: Having a full-blown meltdown because uni has started again.

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Starting a couple’s Instagram

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Rolling up to drinks with nothing and cracking through every open box you can find

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Having a controversial opinion

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Going out of your way to drink drive as a means of craving attention

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Your trusty socks and slides combo letting you down in torrential rain

TOP 10: Online Relics Which Should Remain Forgotten Private School Alumni Embarks on yet Another Thrilling Tale of ‘the Glory Days’

“Haha yeah, I definitely went through my rowdy phase a while back. Have I told you about the time me and the boys got pissed in year 11? Oi honestly, it was loose..”

Copstop Induces Mild Panic Attack in the Most Straight Edge Drivers

“Fuck, are my tires algood? Is my car even registered?! Holy shit, what if someone put vodka in my Pump bottle and I just didn’t realise?!”. Anxiety-prone license holder struggles to keep it together moments before routine breath test.

As our data becomes less of an extension of ourselves and more of a product in high demand, we got thinking about everything we really hope Google doesn’t have on file. 1.

An extensive collection of all the porn you’ve consumed. Including infographics which highlight your tastes, kinks, and an algorithm which determines your sexual stamina from how long you spent on a video before clearing your browsing history. 2. Your Jennifer Aniston binge on netflix. 3. Any message and/or Facebook comments, including: xP, ;3, xD, :-O, T_T, :-}, o_o, :L, >:/, >_>, 8-), =], etc. 4. Your ‘CamWow Retro’ profile pictures, packaged with an accurate rating system as to how cool you felt at the time. 5. Everything circa 2010. 6. Each and every attempt at flirting, sexting, breaking up via social media, and general attempts at romantic connection. Highlighting all the times you sent song lyrics as a way of expressing your truest emotions. 7. Ask.fm 8. Definitive proof of the time you spent $1.59 on an MP3 download of Cobra Starship to use as a ringtone. 9. A Powerpoint presentation of every nude you’ve ever sent or received, including the messages sent directly prior and after, your age at the time, and how long you had them in your possession for. 10. The time you dabbled in blogging.

Starting a Couples Instagram Undeniable Proof That It’s All Downhill from Here

“Looking for the next most cringe insta account to follow? Check out @coupleofsneaks ” “Here you will be kept up to date with the antics we get up to on our journey to social media stardom ” 11

Reviews

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You Were Never Really Here

Gunship

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YOU WERE NEVER REALLY HERE – LYNNE RAMSAY REVIEW: ARCHIE PORTER

GUNSHIP – GUNSHIP REVIEW: CJ LEE

You Were Never Really Here is the latest film from Scottish filmmaker Lynne Ramsay. The film follows a hired gun, Joe, as he embarks on an odyssey to rescue the missing daughter of a senator. Unlike your typical hitman caper, the film deals more with the psychological torment that besets the protagonist, rather than gratuitous action and explosive set pieces. For instance, during scenes of violence, Ramsay makes the decision to cut away, showing only small glimpses of brutality or the obscured aftermath of Joe’s actions. These choices help to create a real sense of distance between the protagonist and his surroundings, and as such, we are utterly absorbed into his headspace. In this sense, the film is very much a character study. Critics have compared the film to Scorsese’s masterpiece Taxi Driver but this is a somewhat unfair comparison, as they are only similar in terms of plot. Ramsay’s direction are flawless, creating a consistent air of tension and, despite the film’s subject matter, even beauty at times. The film switches from moments of extreme violence to an uneasy, almost comedic, tenderness—perhaps thanks to Ramsay’s feminine touch as writer/director. The film also boasts an excellent original score by Jonny Greenwood. You Were Never Really Here is an intriguing and intoxicating film, stripped of all fat and unfurling at a razor-sharp pace. Though it is not particularly groundbreaking, it certainly packs a punch.

Ever wanted to listen to ‘80s electronic music if it were made today? Well, have I got the album for you. GUNSHIP is probably one of my favourite album in the synthwave/retrowave genre. GUNSHIP is a London-based synthwave trio formed in 2010. The album, released in 2015, consists of 10 songs and three remixes. From the aesthetics of their music videos to their music, it is a huge nostalgic throwback to old-school neon-riddled sci-fi VHS movies. The album is filled to the brim with catchy arpeggios and ‘80s-action-movie-ready electronic synths (think the Stranger Things theme). Besides that, the songs on the album are mastered and mixed in a way to give it that atmospheric, epic feel. The album also gives the listener a sense of escape into a futuristic dystopia envisioned by ‘80s pop culture or a midnight drive to somewhere far, far away. Some of my favourite songs from the album are ‘Fly For Your Life’, ‘Shadow Fury’ and ‘Tech Noir’. Personally, I find that GUNSHIP’s music videos play a crucial role in the entire experience as they give the songs a setting, a story and a vibe. Oh, and the music video for ‘Tech Noir’ also features narration by John Carpenter. 10/10 would recommend.

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Album NOW ONLY – MOUNT EERIE Middle aged man sad about dead wife, Volume 2. Pretty sad if you actually listen to it.

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AUTOMATA – PLATINUM GAMES REVIEW: CONOR MAXWELL

With Mark Zuckerberg all over the news recently, the age-old question raised again; if a robot (such as Zuckerberg) could develop full sentience, would they have the same basic rights as a human? Nier: Automata treads this familiar ground, but with an exciting twist. The game begins during the fourth Great War between androids and machines, with the androids trying to claim back Earth for the remnants of humanity living on the moon. The androids look like us but are cold and emotionless. The machines, on the other hand, look very much like robots, but they have families, ambitions and personalities. Can you guess which side the player is on? Nier: Automata is, on the surface, a third-person action game a la Final Fantasy: XV, but further down, it is a philosophical exploration of humanity from the twisted mind of director Yoko Taro. That said, sometimes the philosophy present in the game can be a bit on-the-nose. One of the game’s three protagonists is named 2B, and some important machines are named after famous existentialists such as Blaise Pascal, Soren Kierkegaard and Jean-Paul Sartre. With three separate narratives and 26 different endings, there’s a lot to keep you occupied here; especially if you’re a first-year philosophy student who thinks Nietzsche had some pretty good points to make.

Film TOMB RAIDER – ROAR UTHAUG Good enough to waste 20 minutes looking for an average stream online. Stock standard.

Single ‘PEACH SCONE’ – HOBO JOHNSON Audible carcinogen. Gets friendzoned, Government does nothing.

TV CHEWING GUM – NETFLIX It had me choking, sweating, and vomiting with laughter. Definitely peep before Season 3 is released.

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Lo-Fi in the Beats, Hi-Fi in the Sheets VINCENT OWEN The aux cord has been hijacked for the week, and we’re plugging it into a lo-fi house playlist. Picture yourself bopping in an overpriced, oversized Tommy Hilfiger parka with your groovy squad around the campfire. Or, craned over your laptop to update your MySpace. Or, if you’re bold, as Naomi Campbell bumping down a Paco Rabanne catwalk. These tunes are sure to add a bit of cassette tape crackle and neck-injuring rhythm to your day. 1. ‘ANNA WINTOUR’ BY AZEALIA BANKS: Yes, she’s been exhaustingly problematic in the past, re: slaughtering chickens in her wardrobe and selling skin-bleaching soap to the masses. But (as hard as it is for me to follow the previous sentence with a but), the Twitterverse decided to officially un-unun-unstan this Harlem rapper after she dropped this absolute thwacker of a track. It’s super ‘90s, and it’s about “finding god” apparently. She proves that she can fucking sing and the rap is literal inferno. Give it a hoon. 2. ‘DDD’ BY MACHINEDRUM: Once you get to know Machinedrum, you can spot his production from a mile away. This gem from 2012 is as close as you can get to listening to a Crystal Waters groove without actually having to admit you’re listening to Crystal Waters. With repeating vocal samples and addictive hi-hats, the track builds progressively into a real knee-quaker. Then, around the 4-minute mark, Machinedrum switches the 14

beat up to solidify the track as a true homage to ‘90s house. You’ll be voguing the house down. 3. ‘LOVE SHY’ BY SUBJOI: I found this track on YouTube a few years back, and upon revisiting it, I’ve realised that it’s a pretty shitty move for Subjoi to be crediting this track as his own. It’s really just an edited loop of Tuff Jam’s remix of ‘Love Shy’ by Kristine Blond, with a few filters and a bitcrusher over the top to make it sound extra vintage. That being said, it’s the version of this song that I prefer. Give this track a peep on a Friday night to feel like you’re truly living in the ‘90s (on a boombox if you can access one). 4. ‘HYPER SECONDS’ BY LONE: Lone and I are actually in a very healthy, monogamous relationship. He doesn’t know it yet, but we’re madly in love. Or, at least, I’m in love with his music. It was hard to pick a single track by him for this playlist, but I ended up choosing one of his latest offerings. ‘Hyper Seconds’ shows off the British DJ’s masterful use of drums, accompanied by a peculiar distorted vocal sample. By the end of this track, you’ll surely have busted out moves such as the “boom”, “shaclack”, “kak-kak”, “eowww” and end in a death drop.

Unity Dance Club I used to dance as a kid, but that petered out with the end of high school. So my nerves were pretty high going to the dance club;- having no idea what to expect, besides that the theme was gonna be “street dance”. There were only six people, okay, and I legit wasted my energy on being nervous because everyone was super friendly. It was like street dance for absolute beginners or anyone who doesn’t know what “popping” is. We did that along with jump turns, some groovy side to side clappy moves, and that wave thing that you do when one arm ripples through your chest, y’know that one I mean? There was a slightly cringy dance-off at the end, but overall it was fun. It was a better use of time than sitting on my arse in the library during cultural hour, trying to do study but procrastinating, while all the desks with plugs are taken up, and you have to decide whether it’s worth lasting the day on 20% battery or bothering to go and find somewhere else to sit. Overall, it’s worth pushing yourself outside the comfort zone to get involved in clubs like this, because it’s never as scary as what you expect. I somehow actually ended up agreeing to join a talent show from this, but we were told we weren’t “culturally inspired” enough (bitch please, I danced to Nfasis). It also made me reflect on a deeper psychological level what my issue is that I tend to say yes when put on the spot with a question? Oh well.

The Gut of the Matter: A Special Investigation PAORA MANUEL Nutrition is an integral part of being a student athlete, not only must you be psychologically on top of your game, but also have the fuel to physically compete with the best of them. While professionals may argue the composition of the ideal diet, it’s clear from experience that all the human engine requires is copious amounts of grease, not to forget a crisp beverage on the side. Throughout university, you’ll eat a lot of cheap food—Mei Wah’s, Hell’s Pizza by The Warehouse, Domino’s Hillcrest, Maccas, and KFC in Hamilton East and our good mates at House on Hood are all fine outlets for a fatty binge. Slamming unhealthy food is a way of life for most uni students, especially those in the Halls. But the place in my heart is the Sunshine Bakery and Café on Cameron Road, across the road from the Indian restaurant. The options are endless, from the selection of pies to the sweet foods but the reason why I’m writing this is to review it’s chicken and chips—a famous Hamilton institution up there with Bar 101, the Outback, Hilly Tavern, and Chartwell. Let’s start with the nibble box which, from memory, is four chicken nibbles and bunch of hot chips. It’s succulent and the chips get covered with the grease. Mmm, very delish indeed. The next on the agenda is the snack box which, I think, is a chicken breast and chips. Much like the nibble box, very juicy chicken and tasty 16

chips. And the last part of the chicken and chips range; the lunch box. Nibble box + snack box = Lunchbox (this is Algebruh stuff). Four chicken nibbles and one chicken breast plus chips. Any chicken and chips box you get, it is quite handy to wash down with a fizzy drink. Very tasty and will make you shook, especially after a night on the prowl in town. Reviews are very good, with a 4/5 rating on TripAdvisor, even if there are only two reviews (at the time of writing this article). Shane from Christchurch writes: “Freshly made and baked pies, sandwiches, filled rolls, and plenty of lovely sweet offerings to take away for a lunch. Great prices too!” - onya Shane. Moonlotus18 (that’s the name of the reviewer on Tripadvisor) gives their take on the joint: “This is a very popular bakery near the University. It has a wide selection of sandwiches, filled rolls, hot food (chips, chicken pieces, kebabs, pies, etc.), cakes and slices. You can order coffee/hot drink as well. Very handy to pick up lunch/snacks during the day. We love coming here to pick up a bite to eat when passing by”. This hallowed bakery has been passed down from fellow uni students and with the influx of potential medical students to the uni (maybe), long may Sunshine Bakery and Café continue to reign supreme amongst poor and hungry students.

High End on a Budget KAITLIN STEWART Money. One of the biggest obstacles standing in the way of you pulling off the style you aspire to portray. We’re all students, so the majority of us have a massive loan to pay off besides those lucky fuckers who have the chance to attend this establishment for free. And with that immense, life-crippling debt who has extra cash to spend on top class threads? I have compiled a selection of off-brand dupes to make you look like a trendsetter without the hefty price tag attached. SUNGLASSES: LE SPECS LOLITA (1) VS SUPRE ROXY CAT EYE (2)

Sunglasses are a statement piece no matter the weather or location. The cateye frame is and always has been incredibly fashionable, it’s a classic duh. Here we have the Le Specs Lolita. The basic black, small frame is all the rage nowadays retailing for $129.95. Who needs to pay rent this week anyway? Retailing for only $5.00 at Supre, a store you’ll find at any retail mall, we have virtually the same pair. I mean, you’re welcome. SHIRT: COMME DES GARÇONS (3) VS THE WAREHOUSE (4)

When it comes to high-end brands such as Supreme, Palace, or Chanel the main point of interest is the logo. Flaunting the prestigious logo the brand have so famously made global is all that matters. According to Barneys, a US retail store, the Comme des Garçons long sleeve is valued at USD 155 which equals to over NZD 200. And to contend with this bad boy, we have a classic New Zealand store, The Warehouse. When you look past the minor differences, the absence of the heart logo and the low $10 price tag, I’m confident this is a shirt dying to be copped by the next biggest streetwear god. SHOE: GUCCI LOAFER (5) VS K-MART SCUFF SLIPPER (6

This piece is a mix between “I want to wear covered in shoes so frostbite doesn’t kick in” but also “I couldn’t be fucked putting an actual shoe on”. So may I present you with the classic Gucci Loafers. According to Nordstrom, they are genuine leather and mule fur for a whopping NZD 1,478.66. With that money, I could buy back my first car and still have change to fill it with gas. So if this is a look you aspire to have let me offer you a much cheaper, and in my opinion better shoe. The K-Mart Scuff Slipper. Comfort, warmth and convenience all in one shoe. And with a price tag of only $7.00 and available in blue and black, what more could you want?

It’s messy, competitive, and gets everyone amongst. Set up: Chuck 20 cups in the center of a table and have each player half fill a few with their beverage of choice. Two empty cups are then placed at opposite ends of the table, each with a ping pong ball. Gameplay: It’s pretty straight forward. The two players at opposite ends simply bounce the ping pong ball off the table into the cup, it’s then passed on to the left for the next player to do the same. Once the cups catch up to each other, if the player on the right sinks their ping pong ball before the player on the left, they then stack their cup on their opponents. When someone is stacked, they then take a drink out of the center and continue play with the cup they’ve just finished. While the stacked player takes a drink, the player to the left continues play with the now ever-increasing stack of cups. Rules: •

If the ball is bounced into the cup on the first try, that player can then pass the ball and cup on to whoever they choose, instead of simply to the left.

•

If you miss your cup and sink the ball in one of the prefilled cups, you must drink it and add it to your stack before continuing play.

•

If you didn’t get the ball in your cup on the first try, you must pass it on the player on the left when you eventually do sink it.

A staple of binge culture. Everyone tends to argue about the rules so keep this handy, quit your bitching and focus on drinking. Set up: Chuck a large vessel in the middle of the table, spread a pack of cards in a circle around it, decide who picks a card first then continue clockwise. 2: Two for you – Pick a punter to drink twice. 3: Three for me – Hope you’re thirsty, drink three times, bud. 4: Gals – All lovely ladies have a drink. 5: Never have I ever – Five fingers, take turns sharing things you’ve never done but you’re sure someone else has. Put a finger down each time you’ve done whatever is in question. First one out drinks. 6: Dicks – All handsome lads have a drink. 7: Thumbmaster – The thumbmaster can covertly put their thumb on the table at any point. Last of the group to follow suit drinks. 8: Mate – Pick a mate, they now drink every time you do for the rest of the game. 9: Rhyme – Simple. Start out with a sentence; the last word is the rhyming word. First one to repeat an answer, or take too long, drinks. 10: Categories – “A ship came into the harbour carrying a load of...” pick a category and go around the circle. First one to repeat an answer, or take too long, drinks. J: Rule – Make a rule (talk with an accent/drink with your left hand/don’t use anyone’s name etc). Whoever breaks this rule must drink; the rule stays in play until the next Jack is drawn. Q: Question master – You’re now question master, if you ask a question and anyone responds with anything other than “fuck you, question master”, they drink. K: King’s cup – Pour a substantial amount of your drink into the central vessel. Whoever pulls the fourth king ends the game by finishing the King’s cup. A: Waterfall – Start off a drinking waterfall. The person to the left can only stop drinking once you have, and so on and so forth. Joker: Your call. Either discard and pick up another, make everyone have a drink, or just decide your own meaning for it. Extra: Don’t break the circle. If the card you pick up makes a gap in the circle, finish your vessel. 19

GRACE MITCHELL

PHOTOGRAPHY MARCO DI LAURO

Somewhere in the world right now, there’s a fully-equipped hospital floating on the sea. The Africa Mercy, travels the African coastline on a mission to provide healthcare for those unable to receive medical treatment. Many African countries lack basic medical care and—in many cases—the simple, even ten-minute operations that could transform someone’s life. The documentary series about Mercy Ships, ‘The Surgery Ship’, follows various patients’ and staff’s stories aboard the vessel. The eight-part television show on National Geographic is raw, graphic and heart wrenching, although not for the squeamish. The rough living conditions and poor infrastructure is a stark comparison to New Zealand’s healthcare system, which, while flawed, allows even the most basic medical treatment to be administered to anyone. According to the charity’s website, around 40 kiwi volunteers serve onboard every year, leaving the Port of Auckland to sail halfway around the world to help people in need. People like Pulcherie, a mother

who had never seen her 11-month-old daughter. The free cataract surgery she received through the charity meant she was able to see again after 18 years of blindness. Another patient, Benjamine, was a 13-year-old with burns so severe that doctors were surprised she had not died. Without immediate medical attention following the fire, Benjamine’s skin healed unnaturally; leading her chin to be anchored to her the skin of her chest, and one of her arms having an almost bat-like section of skin between the elbow and the wrist. Her mobility was limited and life was difficult. It’s extraordinary to see her progress following treatment—a happy young girl able to hug people with both arms. Doctors, nurses, anaesthetists, and even kitchen helpers volunteer from all over the world, travelling in the ship for months at a time to provide free healthcare, surgery and physical therapy to people who are without. It’s literally amazing. There is so much love, compassion and kindness onboard.

Nexus interviewed Sharon Walls, the New Zealand Communications Manager. An avid supporter and volunteer for thirty years herself, Walls describes what it is like being onboard the Africa Mercy with the Mercy Ships team.

Why was Mercy Ships created? 50% of the world’s population lives within 160 km of the coast – and thinking about how we can make a change, bring about a difference to people who are in extreme poverty, it makes absolute sense to use a ship to take desperately-needed help to reach people. The founder, a lot of things were happening in his life at the time; one of things was he met Mother Teresa and she completely and utterly inspired him. Combined with the fact he had a severely disabled child, Don Stephens, and his wife, really wanted to be a voice for the voiceless, to bring about change in the lives of the broken, and big pictures came together. NEXUS: How many ships are operating, and where do they visit? SW: At the moment, we have one ship operating. In the past, we have had others that have retired. NEXUS: SW:

Currently, we have a ship called the Africa Mercy and our work is focussed pretty much exclusively now in Africa, so that would be west and central Africa primarily, and we’re building a second ship at the moment, which will be bigger. The Africa Mercy is 16,000 tonnes, which is about the size of one of the big Interislander ferries. The whole bottom level of the ship is the hospital, so it’s a completely self-sufficient first-world hospital that can just arrive in a developing nation, and everything that we can do here, we can do there, which you can’t do with a field-based hospital. You have the operating theatre, the recovery wards, physiotherapy, radiology, pharmacy—the whole works, just like you have in a hospital—that’s the Africa Mercy. There’s around 480 crew that live on board that 23

ship from 40 countries, including New Zealand— there’s always Kiwis volunteering onboard. NEXUS: Why do these people in particular need the aid of Mercy Ships? SW: The stark and unexaggerated fact is that these services would not be available to people if Mercy Ships was not there. In New Zealand, if a baby is born with a cleft lip and palate, often their extended family may not even be aware that the child was born like that—it’s a very common birth defect—the same with club feet, when the babies are born with their feet turned in. In developing nations, that is a lifelong disability, because there is nobody available to help. That’s why we’re there, on one hand to provide the surgery and just completely transform not only an individual’s life, but imagine you’re the mother of a child with feet like this. You have to care for that child, they’re unlikely to ever be able to work, and so you have a disabled person that you are responsible for, when they could have their legs corrected quite easily. So it impacts so much more than the individual, it’s about transforming individuals, about transforming families, but also communities, in fact the whole nation, but it’s not only about the individual because alongside this we are building medical capacity within the nations that we serve. In addition to doing the procedure, we have local people that we’re training on the same procedure, so by the time the ship leaves, there is a local physio team that 24

knows how to provide that procedure and knows how to do it correctly in sterile conditions. They know how to use local products to make the splinting. So we’re trying to not only fix the immediate problem, but also building into the capacity within the country for people to treat the conditions in the future and we can help support that. NEXUS: Do you have an especially memorable moment from your journeys you’d like to share? SW: When I was onboard, there was one little girl who had horribly deformed legs. Orthopaedic surgery is really painful, and they go through a lot. I was working as a writer onboard the ship, so she was one of my stories that I was following. When she had her plasters taken off her legs for the first time and saw her legs straight, and when her mother saw her legs straight for the first time—I was there at that moment. They were living in the capital city of Madagascar, Antananarivo, and to actually see urban poverty up close and personal like that was really impacting. This family lived in one room up a step ladder. The little girl was six-years-old and she couldn’t negotiate the step ladder on her own—she had got to the point where she couldn’t really walk and her parents would carry her everywhere. Being able to walk to school, get around, have a future, and climb up and down the ladder on her own really—it really hit home to me that it’s a minute by minute impact that this change has in her life. That

was very touching. NEXUS: If a student wanted to work onboard, what kind of positions could they go for? SW: Electrical engineering, IT, Finance, and Education are all areas that we find it difficult to fill positions because when people think surgery ship, they don’t think those things. We also have obviously medical positions for nurses and biomed—so there’s all those kinds of positions, but we also have people volunteer in other roles, like say for example, we had a lawyer from Auckland volunteer not so long ago; thankfully, we don’t need lawyers but he worked in the galley. We actually had a brain surgeon work in the dining room, because we don’t really do brain surgery. There’s a lot of opportunity for people who just want to roll up their sleeves and volunteer for a few weeks in things like the galley or the dining room, or to help with housekeeping or in the laundry, and then there’s also opportunity for other things but those would be a bit longer, like two to three months sometimes. I would love to challenge the students to think about paying it forward at some point in their career. I think everybody would benefit in investing a small season of their life and of their career into something— not necessarily Mercy Ships, but there’s something for everybody. Employers actually look very favourably on people who volunteer, so it would be a great thing to have on your CV as well. 25

BDSM JENNIE-LOUISE KENDRICK ‘Twas the year of 2011, when Poet Laureate Robyn Rihanna Fenty penned the words, “Sticks and stones may break my bones / But chains and whips excite me” for the iconic bop ‘S&M’. Eleven-year-olds everywhere repeated the lines with glee; their parents shocked at the perversion of the lyrics. It was Loud era red-headed Rihanna that brought BDSM into the pop culture sphere; owning the freaky perversions that many hide. BDSM (Bondage Dominance Sadism Masochism) is not only a porn category, but for some, a lifestyle. Men, women, and those beyond the binary use websites like FetLife to hook up with fellow minded oddbods using epithets like dom, sub, switch, slave, and master. The scale of the fantasy can range from roleplaying scenes to permanent living situations; where the submissive performs the most basic of human functions at the discretion of their superior partner. Bondage is a rather self-explanatory; two or more willing participants use restraints of rope, leather, metal, and/or latex to aesthetically inflict pleasurable pain. It can also include gagging the consenting person, using simple tape to intricate devices. Dominance is paired with submission and is the human equivalent of the symbiotic relationship between cleaner fish and sharks. Sadism and Masochism plays on the giving and receiving of pain. The sadist wants to inflict torture on their masochist, who thrives on the humiliation. While it worked for Marquis de Sade, a French nobleman Wikipedia describes as “famous for his sexual libertine” but “was incarcerated for 32 years” and from whom sadism finds its etymological root, the

violence involved to administer the pain is a fine line away from being abuse. The Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy and wider franchise is a dangerous portrayal of an S&M relationship, written by a woman who began with Twilight fanfiction and ended up poorly-written smut. A 2013 study published in the Journal of Women’s Health detailed the book series’ portrayal of intimate partner violence, violating the rules of consent and negotiated boundaries strictly adhered to by real-life practitioners of BDSM. Chair of Michigan State University’s Department of Human Development and Family Studies and lead author of the study Amy Bonomi labelled the book “a glaring glamorization of violence against women”. Grey controls Anastasia Steele by stalking, intimidating, isolating, and humiliating her, and as a response, “begins to manage her behavior to keep peace in the relationship, which is something we see in abused women,” Bonomi says. “Over time, she loses her identity” and “becomes disempowered and entrapped.” It also convoluted BDSM and other kinks with abuse. “There is no scientific evidence that childhood physical or sexual abuse are more prevalent in the histories of kinky folk than vanilla. Abuse histories are sadly prevalent for everyone, not just kinksters” says Russell Stambaugh, chairman of the AltSex Special Interests Group of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Anyone who enjoyed a book from a person who is probably an anti-vaxxer, with the poor research and dangerous advice from someone who thinks they know better than a professional, shouldn’t be engaging in anything more technical than missionary. Cosmopolitian has better informed sex columns, and they once suggested eating a doughnut off a cock.

Wood You Cut It out, Mate? CAMERON MCROBIE Hard shafts, heavy heads, and beating wood. Though these may be elements of the goings on behind closed doors of a particularly feral lads’ flat – they’re also the foundations of one of the world’s oldest sports. Woodchopping, once a means of obtaining fuel for firewarmth, is now one of the few ways you can still monster your way through a tree without Greenpeace getting on ya case. Modern woodchopping is said to have had its dawn in 1870 in Ulverstone, Tasmania, as the result of a 50 buck bet between two blokes arguing who could first drop a big bastard of a tree, right on its prostate. An alternative genesis comes from 16th century Basque Country. Here, some poor sod had to run a marathon and hack through ten logs to be allowed to propose to his future wife. Fuck that snipe hunt. Given our beloved Blinky Billbonking neighbours supposedly created this sport, it’s no wonder that we punch-above-our-weight Kiwis took over damned near immediately after having to clear half the bloody country of that pestilence of Kauri, Rimu and Totara to make way for some classic, wholesome dairy farming. Yep, another sport New Zealand masters. Aside from the competitions like “Rimu raze”, “Totara topple” or “Native tree knock-down”, there are some more global disciplines. Typically,

woodchopping events are handicap events and use logs 250-350 mm in diameter—though these handicaps are purely time-based, calculated from the time a competitor is expected to hack through their log. Championship events offer no such head-start wood you believe. In the standing block event, competitors cut a scarf (a V-shaped notch for those of you who aren’t up with the lumberjack-lingo) on each side of an upright log. Underhand is an event wherein axemen and axeladies stand atop a horizontal log, attempting to chop it in two as fast as possible between their legs—which sounds like it almost certainly is not covered by ACC. There is also tree felling, single and double saw events and hot saw – which involves a chainsaw with the mutilated engine of a snowmobile and (probably) a 50% fatality rate. The Richie McCaw of woodchopping is Jason Wynyard. He’s won over 100 titles in the sport, including 14 Stihl Timbersports Series titles – gaining his legendary status and the New Zealand Order of Merit for his contribution to the woodchopping community. Enjoying Double Browns as his favourite beverage and holding a somewhat tight relationship with our darling ex-Prime Minister, ol’ Johnny Key—this man clearly has a taste for things that have been the heart and soul of our dear country. 27

The Great War Channel has charted the course of the First World War week by week, one hundred years later, since 2014. Now in 2018, with the war concluding in November and off the back of our own ANZAC day last week, we thought it a good opportunity to ask Florian Wittig – producer of the Great War – a few questions about the channel, examining the destruction of the war a hundred years passed, and what to do to be like him when we grow up. NEXUS: The Great War Channel has chugged along for nearly four years now, are you counting down the days until you get to wrap it all up? FW: When we started the project, we liked the idea that, unlike other documentaries, we can really illustrate the scale of this conflict by actually following it for the duration of the war in real time. Of course that doesn’t give us nearly the same experience as the people who lived through it, but it was a valuable experience to appreciate the time factor when talking about history. We are not directly counting the days, but we are keen on making sure that we really fit in everything essential when the show wraps up. NEXUS: Does the continual focus on what can be terrible accounts of harrowing experiences get you down very often? FW: Honestly, what wears me down more is how these events from 100 years can still lead to comment wars on social media nowadays. We learned to deal with looking at the horrors of war much like a doctor

or a soldier does; with a pretty dark sense of humour. That definitely helps. NEXUS: Obviously you can’t fit everything into each weekly roundup, so when all this is over and you have the entire channel done and dusted, what will you hope your contribution to the study of the Great War will have been? What is that mission you had in mind when you started this work? FW: The mission was to get a mostly forgotten conflict (at least in parts of Europe and certainly in North America) back into the public eye and to give people interested a jumping off point for their own research. Of course, we need to leave things out, but we succeeded in shifting the focus somewhat away from the Western Front and really tried to show how important the other theatres were too. And if I look at all the Hötzendorf memes, we somewhat succeeded with that. NEXUS: What have been some of the standout impressions you’ve gotten after studying the War for so long?

We really understood why it is actually called a World War. All these different theatres that were connected directly or indirectly really give you an idea what a fundamental, world-changing event this was. It’s also great to study quieter periods and the whole timespan of the war because it gives you a good idea about the cost of this war. It’s incredible to imagine what an incredible feat it was to feed all these troops for one week. And now think about how long this war went on. NEXUS: Do you have any particular interests in the topic of the Great War? What are you guys most interested in? FW: I particularly liked studying the German East Africa theatre because the public image of this campaign is so far removed from what historians have been finding out in recent years. For decades, we took the impression of white officers at face value that talked about “a gentleman’s war” in “the jungle” - the reality couldn’t be further away from that, especially when you focus on the hundreds of thousands of natives instead of the handful of white officers. Indy is obsessed with the power vacuum after the Russian Revolution, particularly with the Caucasus region and we all definitely loved to explore World War I tank development and also actually climbing into a Mark IV or A7V. NEXUS: Fan interaction has been massive with the channel, what do you think it is about what you’ve done that’s brought such interaction about? FW: I know that is a very unromantic explanation, but I was specifically hired to do this. I am the producer on the team that’s responsible for community outreach. We decided to make a YouTube channel so we better make the best of the tools that YouTube offers. Otherwise we could have just made this for TV. NEXUS: What is it about the Great War, in your opinion, that really grabs people’s interests? FW: I think the clash of the new world order and the old world order is really fascinating. Just look at the year 1914 and the year 1919 - it’s just a five year time span but in that time, medicine made the greatest advancement in human history, four global Empires ceased to exist, several new countries had emerged. And a lot of the problems we face today have their origin in some way in World War I. NEXUS: By the time this goes to print, Anzac Day will have just passed here in New Zealand. Can you shed any light on a lesser known part of the New Zealand experience in the Great War garnered from your own studies for the channel? FW:

What I find interesting, is that the Australian and New Zealand experience on the Western Front and in Palestine gets so little recognition. These contributions were certainly more important on a strategic level. New Zealand was always in the thick of it at these campaigns and they paid the price for it. That should not be unnoticed. NEXUS: You’re also travelling to Gallipoli this month; as the major point in the Anzac narrative, there’s a particular interest in the Gallipoli Campaign for New Zealanders. What are you most interested in learning from the place? FW: Two things will be interesting for us: Looking at the battlefield in detail to get a better idea about the terrain and the conditions, and we also want to learn more about the actual interactions between attackers and defenders because the connection between Turkey and Australia/New Zealand post war is certainly very unique. NEXUS: How does the experience of actually visiting battlefields stack up to reading the accounts of those who were there? FW: It usually helps filling in the gaps in your imagination and makes things much clearer. Imagining what it was like to land at Anzac Cove or Suvla Bay only gets you so far. But actually seeing the shores and cliffs, that’s a whole different thing. NEXUS: Any final messages or points you would like to make for readers who might be interested in checking out what you’ve done? FW: Well, we have well over 450 videos about the War now, there is something for everyone who is interested in the war. So, just dive right in at youtube. com/thegreatwar and say “hi.” NEXUS: Any words of advice for a student who wants to be like you when he grows up? FW: Studying history gives you one of the best tool sets for the 21st century. Evaluating sources and interpreting information is a key skill today and you are actually doing it better than most people. If you are interested in helping with bringing history and new historical findings into the public, you should think about specialising in the academic field we call “public history” that more and more universities are offering. And if you particularly interested in producing content about history, you need to start learning about the tools common in media production or you need to find a team of people that have these skills and work together. FW:

Saving Yourself ‘til Marriage Virginity has been a prized concept for thousands of years. Kings, cougars, religious people, Christian Grey; they all love a good virgin. You know when you have a bar of chocolate, and instead of scoffing it straightaway, you wait until the end of the day to treat yourself, and it feels so fucking good? Yeah, that’s kinda what I imagine chastity until marriage is like. With no ex-sexual partners to worry about, jealousy of your beloved’s past lovers would virtually disappear! No longer would we feel the urge to stalk the Instagram of every girl they’d ever chatted up and try to assure yourself that your tits must definitely be bigger. No more worrying that your performance is being compared, analysed, and evaluated as secondbest, nor the anxiety of wondering whether certain members in the nether region are as grand as ones that have hung around before if you know what I’m mean. Your S.O. is all yours, with a clean record, a clear conscience, and no need to suppress painful memories of sexual encounters you really, really regret (really). For those of us who get caught with the #feels way too early on—and usually more because you like having a familiar, good enough root than because you picture a white-picket future with them—how much 30

easier would it be to spot a d-bag from a mile away? You’d go out for a while, realise they’re a low life, ditch them and move on with ease if you could think with your head rather than with your sexual organs. The person who would be willing to wait it out a few years throughout the grandiose process of legally binding your independence together until they could hop on board the O-town express will probably be more worth your lovin’ than that guy who shouted you a drink. Plus, you’ll have the benefit of exploring each other’s undiscovered lands together—would you rather be the first to climb Everest or the 105th? Allowing you to seal a special bond as you both navigate the coital awkwardness which is the first time—but hey, at least it’s someone you trust and love completely, rather than worrying that stranger on your first-time will laugh at you if you don’t know where to put the shlong. Chastity is the ultimate self-respectin’, selflovin’, I-don’t-need-no-hoe way to live your best life. You are a precious diamond and don’t be letting any fuckboys or fuckgals toy with you. Be smart, follow the path of enlightenment, lock up your genitals and let that special someone be the first to receive aaaall your treasures.

Being a Big Ol’ Skank There’s something about ejaculating in, on, and around the general vicinity of someone you’ve just met that really makes you feel alive. Where’s the fun in small talk? I don’t have time to listen to your dreams and aspirations, I don’t care about the ‘quirks’ you believe you have, and I sure as fuck couldn’t care less about what you study. If we are two consenting adults that want to fuck then no one should be able to judge us for it. Maybe with time, my biological urges to reproduce and raise youngins will kick in, maybe then I’ll start to care, though until that point my goal is to climax with the widest variety of people in as many ways possible. Adolescence is full of seminal moments, for some, it’s related to sporting achievement, or academic success. For me, it was bunking school at the ripe age of 11. Discovering what my body was designed to do gave me purpose. To tell you the truth, I genuinely can’t think of anything more depressing than devoting yourself to abstinence. Experiencing a sexual awakening is, without a doubt, the most defining moment of youth. The people you meet, the feelings you feel, the stories you acquire, all of these play a significant part in the journey of becoming your most authentic self. How are you meant to know who

to marry? How are you expected to know what gets your loins quivering? How are you supposed to know if you even want to throw your life away with marriage? People hold themselves back, continually producing excuses as to why they can’t or don’t engage in coitus. If you’re not keen, that’s entirely valid, but if you’re not filling your holes out of fear of social backlash, there’s something wrong. Your orifices are built to take a pounding if someone thinks it’s ok to judge you for doing so, they’re simply a cunt. If you distance yourself from sexual interaction because of the social anxiety packaged with having a noticeably small penis, that’s fair, but maybe you merely need a bit of practice to work some magic. If you’re scared of contracting some heinous sexually transmitted infections, that’s also very fair, but then again, just wrap all the bits and bobs involved and play it safe. Nevertheless, there’s no shame in having a doctor inspect your nether regions if shit truly hits the fan. It’s time to give in to your urges and consensually peruse your peers. There’s a reason everything is moist, hard, and perky at this age; it’d be a shame to leave it all too late. Hymens are built to be broken; cocks are designed to be sheathed.

KNIGHTON VINEYARD

Nothing more than your standard wine-fueled household; a group of mainly trainee teachers who regularly polish off a bottle without realising. They claim to have ‘countless nights which can’t be mentioned,’ along with humble brags of how they’re yet to miss a weekend out. However, we’ve heard on good authority these girls aren’t known for much more than trashy Boomerangs each and every Saturday.

AUTEUR HOUSE Prejudice RICHARD SWAINSON How do we select the films we watch? Are our decisions informed by who made the movie, who stars in it, the subject matter, or genre? Are the place and circumstances of the watching relevant? Does it depend on our mood or is it a matter of simple convenience, of whatever is playing at the time? I dare say all of these factors have informed decisions each of us have made. For me though there is often an additional thought. Does the film rank amongst the best work of one of the actors featured, as determined by a certain book? I first came across The Illustrated Encyclopaedia of the World’s Great Movie Stars and Their Films when at intermediate school. Discovered at a formative age, it has influenced my film watching ever since. 500 stars are profiled in the book, and for each, a selection of usually ten titles is made. It has been my goal for the last 40 years to watch all these, somewhere between 4,000 and 5,000 films, all released between 1903 and 1979. Frankly, it’s an impossible task. Many of the selections made in the silent section of this cinematic bible were done on reputation alone. The author himself, one Ken Wlaschin, could not have possibly seen films that have been lost forever. For example, only one film of the silent “vamp” Theda Bara survives. To make the goal manageable, I have in recent times concentrated on the modern section of the book. While it now seems dated to called the years between 1950 and 1979 “modern”, most of the titles

featured have the virtue of being available. 124 actors and actresses are discussed from the era. I have seen all but 226 of their “best films”. Letting knowledgeable critics and film historians guide your viewing can be a liberating and enlightening process.Your prejudices against certain performers, eras or genre are continually challenged. Amongst Auteur House’s vast collection - over 10,000 titles – there are at present 12 films from “the book” that I have yet to watch. These range from celebrated art-house fare like Jean-Luc Godard’s Made in the USA (1966) to Matilda (1978), a movie about a boxing kangaroo in which a man in a suit plays the titular marsupial. There’s no doubt that the latter will be every inch as bad as that description suggests. It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

“It’s Hell on My Own:” Scarp, the Band Bringing Emos Together JARED IPSEN Auckland/Sydney based, selfdescribed “dreamo” band Scarp is coming through this weekend (or maybe last weekend...time is relative on the Internet). I’ve had their ‘Like a Dog’ EP since it’s late 2017 release; a washedout soup of ‘90s era Midwest emo and shoegaze, ‘00s era lo-fi bedroom pop, and ‘10s era existential angst. It’s the kind of music that is so intimate it almost hurts to listen to. The vocals are buried in the mix, leaving room for the twinkling guitars and intricate drums to fill the void. “It hurts to be and see myself,” they sing on ‘Youth Large, Size Small’, and opening yourself up like that to crowds of strangers must hurt a bit too—but the four-piece are in it together. “I’ve gotten pretty honest with my experiences over the years,” says Pia, Scarp’s trans-Tasman vocalist/bassist. “Without honesty and creating volume and awareness for the issues we face, they will never be addressed, and we will never be able to heal. All of us are shy, and facing that self-criticism which internally freezes us is a big battle, but in the band situation, we do it for each other.” Being separated by the ocean actually seems to have worked in their favour, with Scarp playing shows in both countries, and most notably supporting England’s anti-folk band Crywank on their Australian tour. Despite the size of Hamilton’s music scene (small) compared to Australia’s (huge), they say the amount of punters doesn’t affect them. “I honestly majorly prefer the Auckland and Hamilton scenes to the ones in Sydney,” Pia says. “Big scenes do mean more shows and more people, but that leaves room for more cliques,

exclusive behaviour and generally laziness of attendance for going to shows which I never saw in Aotearoa.” Creating an intentional, inclusive community is one of our biggest responsibilities in the scene - and Scarp has embraced that with the formation of the partly tongue-in-cheek ‘Aotearoa Emo Club,’ which they proudly display on their merch and tour posters. “Primarily, it was a joke name but we also all do our best to consistently bump other incredible musicians in the scene, make our shows welcoming, and listen to feedback.” “Humans are group animals. We need each other. Before I had the hardcore scene or the emo scene, I didn’t have community. I had some friends, but no inherently large group that provided a comfort and support. If I hadn’t started going to shows when I was a teenager, I hate to think where my life would be.” Maybe that’s what keeps drawing bands back to shitty old Hamilton the drive to create something out of nothing, the need to provide the same feeling of being a part of something that we felt as young people at shows. All ages concerts aren’t very lucrative from a business sense, but it’s passion that will carry them into the future. “Being kind and welcoming [in our scene] is easier said than done, beyond this, we need to see people being accountable for their actions, creating space for marginalised voices to be heard, challenging past ideals, allowing new forms of expression and encouraging art whenever we can. We need to listen.” 35

He’s the British heart-throb you’ve always wanted; an academic dreamboat with a rugged rugby side. The kind of man you wouldn’t be worried about bringing home to the parents. She’s the kind of person who says she’ll do something knowing full well she never will. The type who’s more than happy to go on a Blind Date knowing they’ll have to write 300 words on how it all went, but still fails to send anything through even after being given a couple of extra weeks to sort their life out. HE SAID:

SHE DIDN’T SAY:

Had no idea what to expect out of this, signed up for the bar tab, anything else was a bonus. Did the standard prep cheeky trim and a couple of beers prearrival, as that seemed to work for everyone else that has done this. Flatmates drove and obviously they couldn’t resist getting decent seats for the night’s entertainment, all dressed to impress I think they took it as much as their date as it was mine. She turns up and to be fair to her she’s a good looking girl (Brucie bonus). Conversation is good initially, she seems interesting and has good yarns about getting banned from Shenanigans the night before. I am pommy so basically trying to steal any tips for places to visit from a native. However, as the night continues it seems she has had a rough day and to top that she had a concussion too so she couldn’t drink; I think had we been able to, the night might have been a little different. As we get further into the date she’s on her phone a lot and some people she knew started throwing food at me, shout out to those dickheads. At this point she seems like she needs to have the day done with, so grabbed her number and maybe I might try to catch her on a better day. It was still early at this point, so did what any man would do, spent the rest of the bar tab on the boys and got a bit of a glow on. Overall, it was an experience if nothing else and glad I did it, thanks to Nexus and House for hosting it.

Alright, fine. From what we gather, you weren’t in the best state during your date. Nevertheless, surely if you’d written about your previous night, it would’ve been slightly more entertaining to read, rather than us just having a moderate whinge. We’ll let it slide this time. Hopefully nobody gets any grand ideas of going on a Blind Date and refusing to do a write up; it’d be such a shame if we forgot to not publish your name. Nevertheless, here’s our reconstruction and reimagination of the night. We’re speculating you wore a playsuit from some online boutique that has shoddily-sewn hems and a plethora of loose ends— but hey, child labour is cheap and quick, right? We’re also willing to place serious bets that your outfit was completed by a Stolen Girlfriends necklace, a totally original and shaka piece of bespoke jewellry. Upon your arrival to the venue, it’s clear you would’ve drooled over our fine selection of British beefcake and insistently texted your friends about how the Nexus matchmakers really do work miracles. However, the concussion you sustained the night before perhaps clouded your judgement and led to you forgetting all about the short, miniscule write-up we tasked you to in exchange for free drinks and dinner.

Brought to you by House on Hood Street. If you’re keen for a Blind Date, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Keen for some free Burgerfuel? Simply snap us the shitfest of your student lifestyle for the chance to win. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve accidentally sent us something you shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have, just email editor@nexusmag.co.nz with all the details. Prizes can be claimed from reception in the SUB (between Unimart and the gym). 39

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