Nexus 2018 Issue 10 by Nexus Magazine

COURSE-RELATED COSTS ON WHAT?!

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Editorial FOMO News Easy News Horoscopes Entertainment Reviews Random Audit: PHILO103-18A Calendar Girl Rad Rags for Ladies and Lads Auteur House The Crowd Goes Mild

20. Centrefold Feature: ‘An Open Secret’: Bryan Singer and DEN Yam & Troy the Science Boys How to Fix Everything Full Exposure: Kelly Jury Photography by Javi Wilde This vs. That Page 32 Waikat’ Flats Page 34 Blind Date Page 37 Snapped Page 39 Puzzles Page 40

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Issue 10, 14th - 18th May 2018 Editor: Lyam Buchanan editor@nexusmag.co.nz Design: Vincent Owen design@nexusmag.co.nz Managing Editor: James Raffan james@wsu.org.nz Deputy Editor: Grace Mitchell grace@nexusmag.co.nz News Editor: Alexander Nebesky alex@nexusmag.co.nz Sub Editor: Jennie-Louise Kendrick jen@nexusmag.co.nz Reviews Editor: Archie Porter reviews@nexusmag.co.nz

Contributors: Kim Sare, Javi Wilde, Cameron McRobie, Nicola Smith, Kaitlin Stewart, Richard Swainson, N.M & A.M, Kelly Jury, Troy Anderson, Jared Ipsen, Brittany Rose, Ben Hansen, CJ Lee, and the Nott Girls. Centrefold: Daniel Amdemichael Instagram: @danielamdemichael Online: daniel-amdemichael.tumblr.com Photography: Javi Wilde Instagram: @binx.film Horoscope Illustrations: Josh Nelson Instagram: @joshprobably Twitter: @joshDrawbably Design Interns: Patrick Knights, Ray Puri Video Interns: Isaac Wohlers, Madison MacInnes Podcast Editor: Caleb Bird

Preach, Push, Punt Running drive-thru in a dinner rush is shit, being in retail over the festive season is awful, and being a paperboy at age 14 will scar you for life. These cliches exist as warnings for the uninitiated, but also so you know what you’re about to sign up for. Like Vietnam or Korea, you’ll come out of these experiences unlike the person you were before, but you grow an appreciation for the money you’re earning, and undying and fraternal respect for those brothers and sisters still doing the job. After spending the better part of two years telling people to place their order when they’re ready, I’d like to think there would never be a situation where I’d genuinely become disgruntled with a drive-thru worker. They could forget half my order, and I’d let it slide. I have empathy for what they are going through; at the end of the day, they’re just trying to make a living. However, that empathy abruptly ends when some overly-enthusiastic cunt knocks on my door in an attempt to sell something. Like many, I gladly embrace my inner menopause-stricken housewife to vent each and every pent-up frustration I’ve ever encountered. Door-knocking is, without a doubt, the worst existence. If it were genuinely your only means of income, that’d be a different story; your existence would still be overwhelmingly painful, but if you had the social skills to recognise when people weren’t interested and simply moved on to the next house, you’d be a saint among the scum. The real issue lies with religious groups and other overly-enthusiastic sales reps. Firstly, nobody has a minute of their time to hear about your Lord and Saviour, let alone abandon everything they’ve accomplished to embark on a bullshit pilgrimage of harassing their neighbours with little booklets. Secondly, it’s great that Slingshot/Orcon/Vodafone etc. have some game-changing deal on offer, but organising utility providers with flatmates is enough of a fucking hassle to justify never changing companies before the end of a 12-month contract. There’s definitely a correlation between how enthusiastic a sales rep is, and how rude it’s acceptable to treat them. For example, if within 15 seconds of opening your door, they’ve already tried to sell you two separate packages, haven’t broken their smile, and managed to speak at twice the normal decibel range continually, you’re legally obliged to slam your door and walk away. That time limit halves if the first words out of their mouth are “Have you found God yet?” To give this editorial some purpose, it can be tough for students to balance economic and lifestyle demands. Paying for rent, food, power, and everything you ingest over the weekend can require sacrifices. A shit job is still a job. Though, if the subhuman pond scum knocking on my door on Sunday morning doesn’t have DNA proof that Jesus isn’t dead, that door will be getting a whole lot closer to their dome.

– Lyam 1

Emerging Leaders Awards | Applications close May 25th

Put simply; the awards are a chance to celebrate and nurture great student talent. The awards are based off a best-practice graduate recruitment process, so students can go through a “dry-run” of sorts, get feedback on their application, with the winners receiving unique leadership development opportunities. Everyone will get an opportunity to try psychometric testing, with feedback. The top 150 will try a video interview. All the finalists will be flown and hosted in Auckland for a no-stress assessment centre (followed by drinks and dinner). Finalists will get feedback after the awards to help them hone their skills. Winners will gain an industry mentor, a C-Suite lunch with company execs, enrolment in our Leadership Foundations online course and a bespoke C.V workshop. We’ve got seven awards, in seven study areas: Accounting, Business and Finance, Digital & Technology, Science, Engineering, Law, and Humanities. For applications and more details visit: www.emergingleaders.co.nz

Pink Shirt Day | Friday 18th May

New Zealand has some of the highest rates of bullying in the world, and Pink Shirt Day looks to change this. The aim is to “Speak Up, Stand Together, and Stop Bullying!” while celebrating diversity in workplaces, schools, and within the community. UniQ will be running events throughout the day on campus with support from the New Zealand Mental Health Foundation. Chuck on your best and brightest and come down to make a positive difference. Keep an eye on the WSU Facebook page for updates and more details. 2

2018 A Semester Examination Timetable

The 2018 A Semester examination timetable is now available. Please check your exam timetable carefully to ensure you have all the correct dates and times: https://timetable.waikato.ac.nz/exams/ Students who, due to compelling circumstances, need to apply to sit exams at another time must submit their applications no later than Friday 18 May: https://bit.ly/2ruyJJH Students who require alternative exam arrangements must contact Disability Support Services by Friday 25 May: disability@waikato.ac.nz

Waikato Fashion Fest 2018 | Friday 25th May | 7 pm ‘til 10 pm | The Gallagher Performing Arts Centre (Playhouse Theatre)

Keen to check out the latest fashion looks, entertainment from local artists and more? Waikato Fashion Fest is hosted by a group of Management School students raising funds and awareness for Epilepsy New Zealand. The event also contributes to their final grade so support your fellow classmates and get amongst it. $20 entry fee, tickets are available from Event Brite or the WFF Facebook page.

SAN Fest | Tuesday 5th June | 7.30 pm ‘til Late | The Bank Bar and Brasserie

Do you froth travelling, adventures and good times but feel like it’s just too much of a hassle to organize your life? Well, the Study Abroad Network is here to help! SAN Fest is a night for you to get out and meet like-minded people who want to/have explored the world. We are here to give you the chance to integrate and socialise with exchange students, local Waikato students, the SAN family, and any street stragglers. There will be a range of free nibbles and subsidised drinks so make sure you come down and take advantage!

Wellbeing: Fads and Fundamentals

Seed Waikato, a social enterprise created by Waikato alumni, is holding its next event ‘Wellbeing: Fads and Fundamentals’ this Wednesday from 6.30 pm at the Chartwell Room, Hamilton Gardens. Visit www.seedwaikato.nz/ to purchase tickets.

Free entry to GrowPlenty

University of Waikato students can take advantage of FREE entry to the GrowPlenty event coming up as part of Techweek18 in Tauranga. Sign up at businessaxis.nz/growplenty2018 – using the voucher “uowguest”.

Library drop-in sessions

Need help finding resources or referencing for your assignment? Then come to a Library drop-in session – no bookings required. Check out the times at https://www.waikato.ac.nz/php/tsp/ 3

NEWS

40 percent of households are now experiencing some form of food insecurity.

290,000 NZ children are living in income poverty.

40,000 are children admitted to hospital every year with preventable poverty-related illnesses.

37 percent of children in poverty actually have both parents working in jobs.

384,000 families are estimated to benefit from the Families Package. 4

A Lack of Benefits: The Working Poor KIM SARE

On the 17th of March, Prime Minister Ardern announced on The Nation that there is no additional funding available for child poverty reduction beyond that already allocated for the Families Package. At the end of January, Prime Minister Ardern announced her commitment to reduce child poverty in New Zealand from 15% to 5% through the Child Poverty Reduction Bill. But now, the estimated number of children that can be helped through this has decreased to just under 65,000. Due to Labour’s negative stance on breaching the self-imposed governmental debt limit, it is unlikely that additional funding will be made available within the next few months. However, less than two weeks after her statement on The Nation, Miss Ardern announced the Government’s goal to reduce the number of children living in poverty by 70,000 over the next three years, with a majority of this

being achieved through the new Families Package. Dr Ottilie Stolte and her colleague, Professor Darrin Hodgetts of the University of Waikato, have extensively researched the factors related to poverty and recently published a book titled “Urban Poverty and Health Inequalities: A Relational Approach”. The book challenges the assumption that poverty is primarily due to the faulty behaviours and choices of poorer individuals. Instead, they argue that poverty is a relational issue arising from particular relationships between groups in society. We spoke to Waikato Professor Dr Ottilie Stolte to get some insight, and find out whether or not we should be concerned. NEXUS: Do you believe that this

NEWS

Family Package alone is sufficient in addressing and reducing child poverty in New Zealand? OS: “The Government’s Family Package will help many families. New Zealand has become an expensive place to raise a family due to many people having relatively low and insecure incomes, and high living costs including housing, transport, utilities, and food. Increasing numbers of families are struggling to make ends meet[…] “Poverty is a complex issue, so no single policy initiative can resolve it. Income is vitally important for poorer families, but it is only a part of the picture of poverty. If living costs rise faster than incomes, then poorer people will be worse off even if their incomes rise somewhat[…] “Alongside boosting the incomes of the poor, we need to do more to reduce the forms of market speculation that escalate the cost of basic human needs, such as shelter and food. In addition, it is also crucial to develop a comprehensive policy approach to poverty to ensure that all citizens can meet basic needs and have access to decent jobs, affordable housing, healthcare, food, education, disability supports, and social protection. As Ruth Lister argues, ‘poverty is a denial of human and citizenship rights’. “It is also important to acknowledge the situation of the ‘working poor’. In the past, paid work was the pathway out of poverty. Today, this is not necessarily the case. Many jobs at the lower end of the labour market are characterised by low pay, insecure hours or on-call work, high costs, secondary taxes, inflexible employers, and the constraints of juggling parenting and working hours. Given this situation, various forms of welfare

payments (such as Jobseeker Support, Working for Families and the Accommodation Supplement) have become essential to ensure families can survive on low or inconsistent wages. Such payments also function as a subsidy to employers that allows them to keep wages low. However, accessing benefits and income supports has become an increasingly difficult and stigmatising experience for beneficiaries. Poorer people are routinely chastised when they need to access welfare. A report resulting from the ‘#We are Beneficiaries’ campaign, compiled by Sam Orchard, uses art and quotations to poignantly document the souldestroying experiences from people who have had to engage with WINZ. We need a welfare system that addresses human needs, not one that adds to people’s suffering.”

NEXUS: What do you think has led to the lack of additional money? OS: “I am not an economist, and we will not know the full extent of the coalition government’s economic constraints until the Budget is announced in May. However, economic experts and commentators such as Shamubeel Eaqub, Ganesh Nana, Brian Easton, Susan St John, and Bernard Hickey have all expressed the concern that there has been a considerable period of sustained under-investment in New Zealand’s public infrastructure and services. The priority of various governments, during this period, has been to pay off debt and generate surpluses to allow for things like tax cuts. In addition, New Zealand has had record net migration for the past five years. As a result, the current

“Poverty is a denial of human and citizenship rights.” 5

NEWS

coalition government faces a double-whammy of crumbling infrastructure and overstretched services, alongside increased demand from rapid population growth. “Every day, there are media reports about new crises related to shortages of teachers, nurses, doctors or midwives, dilapidated hospitals, stretched mental health services, housing shortfalls, overflowing sewage systems, and clogged-up transport systems. None of these issues can be resolved quickly or cheaply. Then, there are the additional pressures of population ageing, climate change related weather events, and biosecurity threats. It is hardly surprising to hear that the coalition government is running out of cash…” NEXUS: Do you think this is a serious issue for New Zealand, or not really something we have to worry about? OS: “…Poverty has a high human cost in terms of the suffering it causes. However, we know from over 150 years of epidemiological research that poverty is bad for people’s physical and mental health. Poverty leaves

“Poverty is not necessarily resolved when people go off benefits and into paid work.” lasting scars that reduce a person’s ability to flourish and make a positive contribution to society, particularly when it occurs early in a person’s life. Childhood poverty and poor health are strongly linked, and results in absences from school, disruptions to parents’ employment, and additional costs of doctor’s visits and prescription charges. Disruptions to children’s education means fewer life chances and reduces social mobility. “Today, it is nearly impossible to survive on a benefit and/or the income from a minimum wage job if you live in a major city and do not have (monetary and/or non-monetary) assistance from supportive family or close friends. Most people find that they need to

Percentage of children n and seniors 65+ n in income poverty (after Housing Costs, 60% median income, relative measure, according to childpoverty.co.nz

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supplement their low incomes with under-the-table work, informal bartering, relying on regular charitable donations of food or clothing, illegal activities, or living in overcrowded or unsuitable housing. It is not uncommon to hear of families of four with food budgets of $40 or less. The food budget is also often the only ‘flexible’ component of the household budget when unexpected bills arrive, which explains why poorer people (not just school children) regularly go hungry in a nation that exports food. “Making an effort to become more aware of poverty or doing something about poverty is hard. Sometimes, it just feels too hard; many New Zealanders who are not in poverty prefer to think that poor people must be doing something wrong, or that they are just too lazy or stoned to get a job. Yet, such negative views about poorer people are not actually doing any of us any good. In many cases, poorer people are doing the best they can. “The phenomenon of the working poor is a consequence of the low wages and irregular hours that are now a feature of an increasing number of jobs. These are changes in New Zealand that we should all be worried about.” For the full interview, simply jump on nexusmag.co.nz.

NEWS

Whakarongo Mai: Me tukuna ngā tamariki ki te kōrero! ALEXANDER NEBESKY Minister for Māori Development Nanaia Mahuta stated in an interview with Duncan Garner on the AM Show on Wednesday that the question of compulsory te reo classes in New Zealand schools is not a question of if, but one of when. Mahuta had previously been the target of criticism from Deputy Prime Minister Winston Peters, himself opposed to compulsory te reo when he stated: ‘People are entitled to voice their opinion on things, they might think downstream some time in the history of this country this might be something that’s happening, but as for something that’s happening now: No.’ Mahuta claimed during her AM Show interview that the work

currently needed was ‘to build the pool of teachers who can teach across all curriculum areas in te reo Māori’ and that she was ‘encouraged by the direction the Minister of Education is taking to ensure that there is teachers’ supply, which includes Māori teachers.’ The Green Party has repeatedly called for te reo to be compulsory, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has not as of yet supported this position, instead claiming that the focus of the Government is to make te reo universally available before any discussions on compulsory te reo were entertained. New Zealand First has ‘no ambition to make te reo Māori compulsory in Invercargill or any

other schooling committee.’ Mahuta has previously stated that the time was nearing for compulsory te reo in New Zealand schools: ‘If we look at mainstream schools like King’s College, who have already made a commitment to compulsory Māori to Year 9, that’s a signal that New Zealand is ready; it’s just that the education system isn’t.’

Digital Warlords More Prosperous than Venezuela ALEXANDER NEBESKY

The Venezuelan currency, the bolívar, has reached a record low resulting in the World of Warcraft in-game currency finding itself worth seven times the bolívar. According to Yahoo finance, ‘one U.S. dollar is worth 68,915 bolívar. Compare that to the price of WoW tokens; official ingame credits that can be used to extend a player’s play time or buy in-game items. Tokens can be bought with either $20 real-world cash or sold for a fluctuating amount of in-game gold.

‘One tracking service lists the current gold price of a token as 203,035 pieces. That works out to about 10,152 gold gaming pieces per USD.’ The bolívar has been the victim of severe inflation and is currently the second least valuable currency in the world. The least valuable is Iran’s rial. Venezuelan President Nicolás

Maduro has focused instead on the new oil, diamond, gasoline, and goldbacked national cryptocurrency, the petro. Launched in February this year, the Venezuelan government supports using the petro for any and all transactions. The bolívar will be revalued and reprinted in June as the bolívar soberano, to stem the rampant inflation. 7

• 10 – The number of Countdown supermarkets pledged to phase out plastic bags by May 21. • 1700 – The number of people evacuated so far from their homes around Hawaii’s Kilauea Volcano, which is currently shooting lava out of the ground. • 482 million – The half-yearly profit of Westpac bank in 2018. • 9 – The number of days a US woman lived with a cockroach in her ear. • 30 – The number of minutes North Korean clocks were set back to match the timezone of the South.

Android P RP $0 (AS LONG AS YOU’VE GOT A CAPABLE DEVICE)

The long-awaited Android P is Google’s most ambitious update in years. They’ve finally jumped on the trend of ‘Digital Wellbeing’ and are now taking measures to aid the process of using our phones less. Here’s a quick rundown: The home button is gone, gestural navigation has been rehauled, notifications have been turned down to the extreme, and the onboard AI has gotten a whole lot smarter. Why should you buy this? • It’s fancy, free, and if your Android device can handle it then there’s really no reason not to. Why shouldn’t you buy this? • Public beta was only released last Wednesday so there’s a chance you might encounter a few minor bugs.

• North Korea has rejected the claim that US political pressure drove North Korea to the negotiation table with the South. “The US is deliberately provoking the DPRK when the situation on the Korean Peninsula is moving towards peace and reconciliation.” • The Egyptian prison system has come under fire from international human rights groups for using solitary confinement as an extra punishment. Amnesty International alleges that indefinite solitary confinement is employed as a torture method in Egyptian prisons, a contravention of international law requiring solitary confinement to be a punishment of last resort.

Taurus (Apr 20-May 20) Purple Goannas: You’re not the best at social situations. Sometimes, you’re the life of the party, but you’re also the embarrassment people gossip about each week.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21) Cranberry Vodka Mix: Instead of priding yourself on the ability to dig out information from your friends’ personal lives, perhaps consider why they aren’t presenting it to you in the first place.

Gemini (May 21-June 20) Waikato Draught: The stable member of your friend group. Not only are you dependable, but a general voice of reason. It’s no surprise people refer to you as a bit of a boring cunt.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21) NZ Lager 440ml cans: A kiwi patriot through and through. Hopefully, you’ll marry someone who isn’t your immediate cousin, have your first dance to Shihad, and continue to cut your mates down whenever they seem to be making something of themselves.

Cancer (June 21-July 22) Banrock Station Rosé: You like to think you’re the first port of call when it comes to giving unfiltered advice; sadly, you’re just a bit of a bitch. Remember what you said on June 2nd 2016? Everyone else does. Leo (July 23-Aug 22) Long White 12 Pack: You’re still hanging out hope for that one missed connection. We know you think you’re special; it’s just they don’t see it the same way. Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22) Craft Beer: Masking your yeasty aroma is no easy task, even rigorous hygiene makes for little improvement. You’re a breeding ground for thrush; it’s time to get your bits and bobs touched by a medical professional. Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22) Smirnoff Double Black Ice: A step-sibling fetish isn’t something to be proud of. There’s nothing wrong with sexual experimentation—just keep it lowkey. Causing one divorce is more than enough.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) Half a box of Lime Cruisers: Homoerotic fantasies are nothing to be ashamed of. If the only reason you’re still playing rugby is to get pummeled in a scrum then there’s a greater force at play. Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) Tui: Your sense of humour is fucking atrocious. If you like the idea of having friends, it’s advised to slow down on the subpar memes. Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20) Slab of Diesels: Getting cheated on took a major toll on your psyche. Realising they never loved you wasn’t the hard part; it was accepting how aroused it made you. Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19) Kristoff & Raro: From a young age, you dreamt of university life. Sadly, you ended up here. What lacked in culture, you’ve compensated in alcohol, it’s a shame your organs will fail 20 years earlier than most, but at least you’ve achieved your dreams. 9

Crush of the Week: Unusual celebrity pairings Does the combination of an angsty musician self-characterised as a Marie Antoinette eternally tortured by artificial intelligence and the multibillionaire CEO of Tesla and SpaceX sound slightly bizarre? Well, that’s because it is. Elon Musk and Grimes debuted as a couple at the Met Gala, and she even sported a spiky Tesla collar around her neck to prove it. We kind of love the randomness of these two together, because nothing shows a beautiful romance quite like your partner designing you a metal neck restraint.

Clickbait Moodboard:

What’s Hot: •

Glad wrapping every item in your flatmate’s room to totally prank them!

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Spoiling Infinity War for everyone who hasn’t seen it

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Giving yourself DIY bangs

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Calling your bro after sex

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Listening to ‘Spirit Body Rain Fall Sampling XL’ while you sleep

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Eating your 5+ a day

Theme: Trying to justify your crazy online purchases.

What’s Not:

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Falling off the stage at Static

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WMSSA not providing vegan alternatives at events smh

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Preachy bullshit on Seven Sharp

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Calling your partner “bro” after sex

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Preachy bullshit on The Project

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Dry-ass eyelids

TOP 10:

Things to Mansplain Response to Mistaken Waving Regarded as Leading Cause of Social Anxiety

“Now I just look like a fuckwit.” Mark, 21, BA, was recently left crushed after mistaking himself for someone people would willingly interact with. “How was I meant to know it was directed at someone behind me??”

UniRec Enthusiast Hits New PB of Time Spent Staring at Own Reflection

Self-proclaimed bodybuilder, @big_boy_dylz, has shattered previous records after completing an entire workout without dropping his gaze from the weights room mirrors. “It’s important never to lose sight of what truly matters”.

Sharing Facebook App Results Definitive Proof of Lacklustre Personality

Socially-stunted individuals have decided generic personalised image generators are consistently “Haha so accurate!” and “Definitely me”. Mutual friends have since reported concern as to whether or not this was a mistake and why they should care.

If you want something done right, get a man to explain it to you. Sometimes, fellas just know best, right fellas? 1. Reversing with a trailer – The gift of extruding genitalia below the waist provides an unquestionable advantage when it comes to spatial awareness. It doesn’t matter if they’re actually a skilled trailer handler, it’s just guaranteed they’re better than everyone else. 2. Politics – Testosterone aids heavily in cognitive development, and without it, you’re susceptible to constantly forming shit opinions and being generally wrong. 3. General life advice. 4. Anything a female is an expert in – While you may be qualified and well-researched in a field, chances are you haven’t listened to the same life-changing podcast as the dude who now knows twice as much as you ever will. 5. Driving manual – Countless years of masturbation have allowed the men of society to evolve, and driving stick is now an inherent gift of masculinity that you’ll never truly understand. 6. Answers to questions you didn’t ask – You might find yourself wondering how small talk somehow jumped into a series of rules and guidelines you should now abide by. Don’t second guess it, this imparting of wisdom is a gift. Take notes. 7. Jacinda Ardern and what she means for feminism. 8. Technology – Did you realise you’re using your phone, laptop, TV, and every general household appliance completely wrong? I guess you also didn’t realise that you purchased the wrong brand, style, type, and colour. Definitely consult the nearest male before making the same mistake next time. 9. Parking – Nope, you’re doing it all wrong. Just get out of the vehicle and let a trained professional testicle owner show you how it should be done. 10. Makeup – Why would you even bother? Let’s be honest, you look so much better without it!! 11

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Incredibly Hot Sex With Hideous Pe...

Maybe

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INCREDIBLY HOT SEX WITH HIDEOUS PEOPLE – BRYCE GALLOWAY REVIEW: BRITTANY ROSE

MAYBE – JAMIE ISAAC REVIEW: ARCHIE PORTER

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You know how sometimes life feels meandering; sometimes you yearn for change, a plot twist, perhaps? Unfortunately, life doesn’t follow any of the seven basic plots, so we take refuge in narrative. We read and tell stories to escape the monotony of the human experience; get the closure we crave; the satisfaction of a neatly concluded story. When I started This Book With the Incredibly Long Title, I felt the malaise of the narrative voice and winced. The black ink scrawls became more comprehensible as I kept turning the pages, on and on, waiting for the premise. I might be stupid (likely), but for some reason, I thought a collation of diary doodles would provide me with the sense of resolution that follows the climax, in books and bed, the inevitable moon that follows the sunset... It didn’t. It just went on, and on, and on, until it stopped. It just stopped bland on a picture of a mug and a pirate ship. If you’re into the idea of living vicariously through a married father of two, and all the public transport, poop and hangovers which make up that headache, then this is the book for you! Otherwise, to endure the human condition, take joy in the small things; such as trout that sing, other such comedic coffee table books, and TMI from an artsy lecturer - but only ever in short bursts.

‘Maybe’ is the latest single from Jamie Isaac’s forthcoming album, 4:30 Idler, set to be released in June. The best way I can describe this single is that it sounds somewhere in between the last two – the track is brimming with jazz and blues influences, but it also implements more of Isaac’s electronic tendencies. The result is a somewhat darker song that still retains his usual sultry tenderness. Differing from his debut album, Couch Baby, these recent singles suggest a change of pace musically. If Isaac’s first album is sitting around at home on a rainy evening, sparking up a fatty and becoming entranced in the dreamy jazz of Bill Evans, then this new album is getting up, putting on your jacket, and going for a walk in the dead of night. I’m not sure how far I can extend this analogy, so I’ll move on. The song features some striking vocals in which Isaac sings noticeably higher than usual, but his tone remains as silky and stirring as ever. The beat shuffles its way along, keeping a smooth tempo before the percussion breaks out and flourishes amid the chorus. Behind all this, we hear a silky synth humming in the background as it perpetuates throughout the song. The track ebbs and flows in emotion and musical intensity, but at its heart lies Isaac’s deeply engaging songwriting and style.

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The Calling

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A pretty strong single, but loses impact without accompanying visuals.

THE CALLING – SEVDALIZA REVIEW: BEN HANSEN e_01. eps

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Listening to Sevdaliza has the uncomfortable, arresting effect of sitting in a mystic’s presence and being laid bare by her wisdom. On The Calling, the Iranian-Dutch artist doesn’t overload us with words, but across seven tracks, she carries a heavy burden that turns to resilience and recovery. Profound melancholy is brought out from Sevdaliza’s abrasive breath, driven harder by heavy trip-hop beats (I hear echoes of Bowery Electric and Björk’s Homogenic). It’s all very beautiful, with a string ensemble that embellishes the tracks in Eastern modality. Musically, as lyrically, Sevdaliza does much with little. ‘Energ1’ stands out as the track that embodies this simple sophistication. Here she is at her least esoteric, and her most vulnerable. ‘Human Nature’ follows, a sparse track that can’t quite hold itself together in its repetition. While it is the weakest track on the EP, it is the only one you will be tempted to skip. She ends with a taste of hope on ‘Observer’: “I’m near the part of letting love in”. The Calling feels best on the road—but don’t pull this one out on a happy-go-lucky road trip. This is music for aimless meandering; for those nocturnal journeys going anywhere but home.

Novel DURDANE – JACK VANCE Classic new-age sci-fi, conjures imagery you’d find in stories by Le Guin or van Vogt.

Single BLACK CAR – BEACH HOUSE Delicate, dreamy, dazzling, and delicious.

Single STREAKY – DEATH GRIPS Tighter and poppier than expected. YUH!

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PHILO103-18A Critical Thinking There were only about 20 other people in the little lecture room, and I was just praying this wouldn’t be one of those ‘let’s work in groups’ type scenarios. That fear was soon confirmed. The lecturer was soft-spoken and gentle; she looked like she’d be more at home in an ashram or leading a meditation class than at the front of a dingy uni room. The intro talked briefly about inductive and deductive arguments (why do these seem to feature in every bloody subject I’ve ever done?), and then we were each handed a worksheet. She instructed us to get into small groups and discuss the answers to the questions for fifteen minutes. A mild panic took hold of me as I debated whether to pretend like I knew what I was doing and join in or to ruin my cover and drop the N-bomb excuse. The solution was that I frantically googled ‘rational persuasiveness’ and tried to answer the questions solo with some rapid research skills. My brain literally hurt trying to wrap my head around how to tell if an argument is forceful or valid or sound or whatever the fuck was going on. I apologise sincerely to the guy in front of me, who I think may have been casting me wistful glances while everyone else had paired up and probably thought I was an antisocial bitch. I didn’t know what I was doing man, I’m sorry. The lecturer announced there were five minutes to go until we presented our answers, and winging it had utterly failed me because I was still bewildered. Someone else gapped, so I saw my window and left, with the other students probably wondering why that was the first time they’d seen me turn up to the lecture and why I left after twenty minutes. I’m not just a lazy philosophy student; the secret’s out. My only regret is that now I guess I’ll never know whether the argument was rationally persuasive for poor Bert or not.

Friday KIM SARE Ah, Friday, everyone’s favourite time of the week. For some of the more civilised Waikato students, Fridays consist of a quiet night in, hopping into bed quicksmart before an early shift or big game the next day. Funnily enough, not all students are crazy pissheads with a 1:1 ratio of sober to intoxicated. But for many of us millennials and Gen Zs, Friday night is the time to unwind and de-stress from our long hard weeks at uni. The thing is, this beautiful culture ensures that these fine evenings always seem to have some staple events - the things that happen every week, and without them, the night just isn’t the same. Allow me to enlighten you with some of the essentials of a Hamilton Friday night that my observant eyes have picked up on during my time in the Waikato. The first is undoubtedly at least one box of cruisers floating around somewhere. The staple student alcohol, it’s perfect for those first years looking to slide into alcoholism nicely, or just enough to give the experienced third year a slight buzz. No matter the flavour, remnants of these babies can be found at any time in Halls’ recycling bins and flat yards alike. However, all good things in moderation, you don’t want to be the unfortunate second year who downed the box in two hours and spent the next day suffering from food poisoning. No night is complete without the boomy. Boomerang truly is the technological development of our age. Whether it’s on the actual Insta story or downloaded and posted on Snapchat is a matter 16

of personal preference. Usually, we youngins go for whatever platform will get us the most attention. All of us have embraced this ritual at one point, and we all know the standard girl’s shimmy or the boy flexin’ his ’fit before hitting the clubs. But despite the extent to which we embrace the boomy, the question remains – if no one sees you clink your wine glass with your fave on a repetitive cycle, did it even happen? Of course, Tinder activity sees a significant spike when getting on the rark. Unsurprisingly, copious amounts of alcohol tend to increase the need to show the fellas what a pull you’ve scored, and passing ‘round your new match’s tinder profile always manages to impress. Besides, nothing fuels the ego more than waking up after a night out and seeing 30 new matches; it’s particularly great when you have to re-evaluate the life choices made in your drunken state. And let’s be honest, you’re just going to do the exact same thing tomorrow night because the need for love and attention outweighs all regret.

Clothing and Consent KAITLIN STEWART Clothing can say a lot about one’s personality, their interests, or the mood they’re in that day. Everybody knows the feeling when you wake up and have to let every person know you’re a big uni kid now, and what better way than wearing your high school leavers’ hoodie. But nowadays, the extent to which we assume someone’s intention because of their clothing has become skewed. Sitting in my high school assembly hall, I remember my principal pacing the stage. It was an assembly for all seniors but directed only at Year 13 girls, those “privileged” with being able to wear mufti every day. However, as women with “developing bodies”, we were supposedly abusing this right. He was referring to wearing a singlet in temperatures upwards of 30 degrees in a classroom with no air conditioning. I understand there was a dress code. However, that was not the issue here. The issue was that, as young women, we were told to cover our bodies because the boys will become distracted. As if at the mere sight of a woman’s shoulder, they will spontaneously combust. The male students’ education was being placed above the comfort of the females in school, and yet being taught the act of self-control is deemed impossible. The argument also assumed that the young men present couldn’t control themselves and were expected to react to the sight of shoulders. All heteronormative, slut-shaming, victim-blaming, microaggressive bullshit. Not only is this belief the foundation for dress codes but is a mindset being drilled into school kids, thus repressing conversations surrounding sexual assault or rape, resulting in the normality of the issue. In today’s party scene, influenced by alcohol, drugs and sex, people are being pushed far beyond their comfort zone. As a result, when surrounded by and participating in factors that can blur judgment, a person’s outfit is seen to be more than enough consent to sexual advances and activities. I’m confident everyone is aware of the assumption that if a person is putting obvious effort into their appearance by either wearing makeup or donning their only button-down shirt, they want to pull. As if a person can’t dress up for themselves; they must be looking for a mate. This instinctive thought towards fellow partygoers is becoming the sole influence of unwanted sexual advances. Rape culture is becoming normalised as a result of people being unaware of how problematic this situation is. “Look at her clothes, she was asking for it” has become an excuse used one too many times in a courtroom as men try to justify why they raped an unconsenting victim. A short skirt is not consent. A tight t-shirt is not consent. A piece of clothing is not equivalent to consent. 17

AUTEUR HOUSE High Scoring Inconsistency RICHARD SWAINSON British director Michael Anderson died on ANZAC Day. Anderson had an inconsistent career but one not without its high points. In 1956, he directed over half the stars in Hollywood in possibly the least deserving Best Picture winner ever: Around the World in Eighty Days, a breezy adaptation of the Jules Verne novel. Two decades later, he helmed Logan’s Run (1976), a minor classic of 1970s science fiction. Anderson also gave us Orca (1977), the tale of a hungry killer whale, a very poor man’s Jaws (1975) in which a pre-sex symbol Bo Derek has her shapely leg bitten off by the title character. The director’s real claim to fame is The Dam Busters (1955), one of the great British WWII films, a still potent example of cinematic mythmaking. If you look at the facts of the raid on the Ruhr Valley dams the operation was a costly failure, having a negligible effect on the Nazi war machine and resulting in the deaths of over 700 Allied prisoners of war. No matter, the myth says it was a triumph and in wartime—and beyond— perception can be more important than reality. I can claim a very slight post-release connection to The Dam Busters. In the early days of Auteur House, one of our semi-regular customers was a local orchestra conductor. This gentleman was planning a concert comprised of popular movie themes and the famous Dam Busters music was central to the programme. He approached us, wondering if we would like to provide images to complement the stirring sound. In some ways, the experience was a disaster. 18

We were acutely conscious of the copyright issues involved, believing that if we used images from films themselves, we would be liable for prosecution. With The Dam Busters though, the solution was easy: there were plenty of photographs of the men and machines involved in the actual raid. One of those men was still alive. Les Munro was his name, and he was once the mayor of Te Kuiti. He was still in relatively good health. I suggested to my conductor friend that we invite Munro to the Hamilton concert. He could take a bow after the Dam Busters theme had played. The plan worked brilliantly. A genuine World War II hero, a rarity even a decade ago, rose from his seat and basked in the applause at Founders Theatre.

Dancing with the Stars: A Punter’s Guide CAMERON MCROBIE Behold, the most highly anticipated prediction of 2018; New Zealand’s Dancing with the Stars. This very Kiwi piece of reality TV cobbles together a bunch of C-list celebs, politicians and washed-ups to give us all something to laugh about in online comments sections. Alternatively, it could prove to be simply a new avenue for punters to make a buck or two extra on their multi. The elusive top three safest payout predictions for 2018 have taken several high-level calculations, some inside knowledge (knowing a bloke who knows a guy), character analysis, and a few very generalised guesses. Rest assured, this is basically the DWTS bible when you lay your bets over the next week. Former TV host of the ‘90s Suzy’s World and You and Me, token MILF Suzy Cato has proved from day one that she has the fire and sass to deliver some A-grade dances. It also helps that she has a solid fan base of millennials hangin’ out for a jive to ‘It’s Our Time’. With finesse and guaranteed votes, Suzy is paying out a solid $2.74 to take it all the way. Boasting the only right-arm medium on this year’s cast, Chris Harris hasn’t let any of the judges’ sledging affect his boundary hitting performances. Sitting comfortably at the top of the scoreboard with a runrate of 24 PPD (points per dance), he’s proven he has not only the footwork to dash the length of the cricket pitch,

but also to pull out a bloody top-notch ballroom dance - $2.15. It’s 7pm, live on Dancing with the Stars. New Zealand’s favourite redhead Sam Hayes has proved she can deliver more than just the evening news. Following a graceful debut that may have jerked a tear or two from a mate of mine, Sam has done wonders for the ginger community. Outstanding comments from the judges have her pegged as the likely champion in these early stages, paying a safe $1.98. Potential wildcards include David “Disco Davo” Seymour and morning rumbler Roger Farrelly. As our favourite Act MP, ol’ mate Davo appears to have obtained the electorate of Epsom’s vote this series. However, his sheer awkwardness may win the sympathy of the country. With the odds paying too high even to warrant including in this column, punters will be stoked to know that Act is still only polling at 0.4%. The Rock radio station’s Roger Farrelly is personally not expecting to make it past round three. But with 90% of West Auckland’s backing and a radio segment to plug voting in, there’s a chance we could see this fishnet singlet-wearing wild card make at least round four. With the TAB paying out Nickelback’s most recent album on Rog, it’s safe to say no betting cards will include New Zealand’s hottest radio hunk this week.

‘AN OPEN SECRET’: BRYAN SINGER AND DEN

A.M. AND N.M.

For a long time now, rumours of systemic sexual abuse have surrounded Hollywood. Beneath the glamour and glitz of Tinseltown, a sinister culture of sexual predation was said to have thrived. Given the revelations of last year, it seems that these stories were more than mere rumour. Things had reached their tipping point, enough was enough, and actors and actresses began to speak out against influential industry figures who they alleged had sexually abused them for years. In this ongoing moment of transparency, attention must be brought to the film industry’s other open secret: the systemic sexual abuse of minors. Bryan Singer, the well-known director of The Usual Suspects, Superman Returns, and several X-Men films, is emblematic of Hollywood’s problem of minor abuse, having remained a prominent filmmaker despite his involvement in several such controversies. In early December last year, a lawsuit was filed against Singer which alleged that he had sexually assaulted a teenage boy more than a decade ago. In the lawsuit, plaintiff Cesar Sanchez-Guzman claimed that he met Singer for the first time at a yacht party in 2003, where the director offered to give him a tour of the boat. The lawsuit alleges that while showing Sanchez-Guzman the master bedroom, Singer closed the door behind them and demanded sex from him. When he refused, Singer forced him onto the bed and sexually assaulted him. Sanchez-Guzman was 17 at the time of the alleged incident. The lawsuit went further, accusing Singer of using his Hollywood influence to make sure that the teen stayed quiet: ‘Later, Bryan Singer approached Cesar and told him that he was a producer in Hollywood and that he could help Cesar get into acting as long as Cesar never said anything about the incident . . . He then told Cesar that no one would believe him if he ever reported the incident and that he could hire people who are capable of ruining someone’s reputation’. The Sanchez-Guzman lawsuit is only the most recent item in a sizeable list of sexual misconduct allegations that have been laid against Singer—a list that begins in 1997, when a suit was filed by several young male actors who accused him of ordering them to strip naked for a shower scene while shooting his film Apt Pupil. That suit was dismissed for insufficient evidence, and it would be 17 more years before any further allegations were brought against him. In

April 2014, a highly graphic lawsuit was filed against Singer, accusing the director of drugging and sexually assaulting former child actor Michael Egan in the late 1990s, after meeting him at parties hosted by Marc Collins-Rector and Chad Shackley. Historians of the dot-com bubble might recognise Collins-Rector and Shackley as two-thirds of the team that founded Digital Entertainment Network (DEN), a Californiabased multimedia company that aimed to deliver original video content over the internet much in the same way that Netflix does today. The pair, who met on an online bulletin board when Shackley was just 15, set up DEN in 1998 together with Brock Pierce, who was then only 17 and coming off a successful career as a child actor (incidentally, Amy Berg’s 2015 documentary An Open Secret claims that Pierce was first introduced to Collins-Rector and Shackley by none other than Bryan Singer). All three lived together in a multimillion-dollar Spanish-Colonial mansion in Encino, Los Angeles, which they took to calling the ‘M&C Estate’, for Marc and Chad. Collins-Rector was the chief creative force behind DEN. He spelt out his vision for the company in a fiery 38-page manifesto written in 1998: ‘[t] he boob tube zombie television is dead . . . Global entertainment will be delivered over the internet . . . Digital Entertainment Network will create the last network’. And for a brief while after its inception, DEN seemed like it might do just that; its potentially ground-breaking fusion of Hollywood and Silicon Valley drawing major investment from key players in the entertainment, tech, and finance industries. In March 1998, work began on DEN’s flagship programme, Chad’s World. Filmed at the M&C Estate, co-written by Collins-Rector, produced by Pierce, and loosely based on Shackley’s life, Chad’s World followed the eponymous Chad, a questioning teenage boy who leaves his home in repressive suburban Michigan to 23

MIKE E. (MICHAEL EGAN)

live in Los Angeles with a wealthy, older gay couple. When the show debuted on den.net in June 1998, many critics couldn’t even download it—perhaps a blessing for all involved. Chad’s World was the first signal that maybe things weren’t right’, DEN’s former chief marketing officer Edward Winter told Radar Online in 2008. ‘It was definitely, um [sic], ahead of its time’. Another industry observer interviewed by Radar said that he ‘thought it was some sick fantasy of theirs’. DEN’s hiring policies also raised eyebrows. A former supervisor at the company told the L.A. Times in 2000 that Collins-Rector directed him to hire certain underqualified teenagers: ‘He would come to me with ultimatums on who I should hire . . . Young hip kids were his thing’. Some workers were compelled to do things well outside their job descriptions: one young employee who also spoke to the Times said he was told that ‘if he valued his job’ he would travel with CollinsRector, Shackley, and Pierce on holiday to a tropical resort in the spring of 1999. Though Chad’s World and several other DEN shows failed to entice a viewership anywhere near as large as company projections, a $75 million initial public offering (IPO) was planned for October 1999. However, only days before it could be filed, a boy from New Jersey hired by Collins-Rector as a customer 24

service employee at a previous venture served papers for a lawsuit claiming he’d been molested by the DEN chairman for three years, beginning in 1993 when he was just 13. Collins-Rector quickly paid a settlement, and his attorney fired back in the press, passing off the settlement as ‘a token payment’ to save DEN and calling the suit ‘classic IPO blackmail’. The FBI subsequently began an investigation into the charges; fearing for their company, all three founders quit their executive posts. This was only the beginning. Within months, all three of DEN’s founders were hit with similar suits accusing them of sexual abuse. Boys who had been given vague roles at the company began telling stories of sexual abuse at the hands of Collins-Rector, Shackley, and Pierce, as well as other highly-placed Hollywood figures. Their charges were largely consistent—each claimed that during parties at the M&C Estate they had been bullied and drugged into sexual compliance, and in some cases threatened with guns. One of these accusers was a 14-year-old boy identified in court documents as ‘Mike E.’—the same Mike E. (Michael Egan) behind the April 2014 suit against Bryan Singer. As lawsuits continued to mount against DEN in early 2000, the company began to haemorrhage money. The company’s planned IPO, postponed

BRYAN SINGER AND KEVIN SPACEY

after the first set of abuse allegations appeared, was permanently shelved. By May 2000, DEN was bankrupt. Around Hollywood, rumours flew that Collins-Rector, Shackley, and Pierce were about to be arrested on embezzlement and sexual misconduct charges. However, before any such charges could be laid, the three men disappeared, fleeing in a private jet to southern Spain, where they rented a villa in the luxurious seaside resort town of Marbella. There they stayed until May 2002, when a tip-off led Spanish police to raid the villa and arrest them. Among the items recovered from the residence were guns, machetes, jewels, and 8,000 images of child pornography. While Shackley and Pierce were released without charges shortly thereafter, Collins-Rector remained in a Spanish jail for almost two more years before being extradited to the United States, where he pled guilty to nine charges of transporting minors across state lines for sex. Receiving credit for the time he’d served in Spain, he was soon out of prison. In the time since, Collins-Rector, Shackley, and Pierce have drifted apart. Pierce is the most traceable of the three: in the years since the DEN scandal, he has grown to prominence as an investor, founder, and advisor to numerous digital currency ventures. He is currently the director of the Bitcoin Foundation

and was earlier this year named by Forbes amongst the top 20 wealthiest people in cryptocurrency, with an estimated worth of between USD 700 million and 1.1 billion. At present, he is leading an effort by several digital currency entrepreneurs to establish a city ‘where all money is virtual’ on the Caribbean island of Puerto Rico. The name given by Pierce to his planned cryptoparadise? ‘Puertopia’, which—in all seriousness— translates from Latin as ‘eternal boy paradise’. The sexual abuse allegations brought against Bryan Singer in the Sanchez-Guzman suit offer an opportunity to not only unearth the X-Men director’s long history with sexual misconduct allegations but also his ties to DEN, whose story of flameout amid sexual abuse scandal is as sordid as it is little-known. But will this suit, filed at the height of what some have called ‘Hollywood’s reckoning’, be the one to spell Singer’s downfall? Only time will tell.

The Science of Ancient Racism TROY ANDERSON Here comes another possibly quite upsetting yarn, you have been warned. So, it turns out, that racism actually served a function in the early days of humanity. However, when I say racism, I don’t mean the kind exhibited in Nazi Germany or by those who love to throw around the odd slur. What I do mean, is more akin to the traditional definition of xenophobia, which is a deep-rooted fear (and in some cases, disgust) of people who are foreign to you, which believe it or not, actually served a useful biological function. When humanity was young, we had to figure out how to survive (i.e., not die) to learn and understand what things were fucking us up in the first place. Disease, famine, predators etc. were all reasonably high up the list of things that were prematurely cutting us down as a species. Disease is probably one of the more interesting killers, however—particularly where infectious disease is concerned. How does one protect against invisible killers without knowing they even exist? For the most part, the human immune system is pretty onto it. Our bodies quickly adapt and learn how to fight a great many illnesses which is why vaccines happen to serve a valuable purpose. But what about in the pre-medicine days? What about during the times when you lived in an ancient community of several hundred? A time where being in the right place at the wrong time could drastically ruin your group. In the early days, our immune systems were far narrower in the range of things they could combat, simply because they had encountered such a small 26

amount of what nature had to offer. If one day, your community encountered another out in the wilderness, there was a genuine chance of trading pathogens that your bodies simply weren’t ready for. This sort of encounter would be catastrophic as a great percentage of your population is wiped out for reasons unknown. However, a population that exhibited traits of xenophobia would not encounter this kind of devastation. They would be more inclined to either steer clear of other populations or engage in warfare. Although the risk of death was very real, a highly valuable benefit is lost. Interacting with other populations in ancient times could be unbelievably beneficial. If each population could cope with any diseases or illnesses the other might carry, much could be gained. Great amounts of new insight and knowledge, as well as resources and trade, could come of such an interaction. A remote tribe of Stone Age folks of the east coast of India known as the Sentinelese are an excellent realworld example of this. Almost all attempts to contact these folks have ended in aggression and violence. There’s a good chance that this group wouldn’t cope with the illnesses of the modern world, as the only two adults from the community to spend time with a British expedition promptly died from illness. With that said, you’ll note ‘ancient racism’ in the title. That means that modern racism serves no meaningful purpose anymore. It also means, don’t be a cunt.

Scene Revivalists Landlords: Loud and Kinda Sad Sounding JARED IPSEN The Hamilton music scene is finally starting to feel exciting again. After such a long time of gigs only happening every few months (or maybe I just didn’t leave the house enough), it feels like at the moment we’re being slammed with them. “These things happen organically,” Andy reckons, new Hamilton shoegaze outfit Landlords’ guitarist/vocalist. “You can’t force the punters out; they’ll go if it’s worth going to. We need smaller, more intimate shows. Also, we can never have enough legends organising, promoting, helping out, running sound etc. Those people make the magic happen.” For those people who have better things to do than memorise the nuances of slightly different genres of music, ‘shoegaze’ (named because the guitarists are always looking at their pedalboards) is usually characterised by sounding sort of loud and weird. Music with screaming in it has really been the only genre I’ve been exposed to living here, so when I heard about a few of the bros starting up a new band, I was stoked. I saw them play twice over the past few weeks - once at Zeal with Scarp, and once at Record Store Day at Needle in the Hay (both times with Halycon Birds, an amazing twopiece). Deafening as all fuck, interesting basslines, washed out vocals and one of the most solid hitting drummers I’ve ever heard - I guess you can be heavy without breakdowns. Who knew? Mixing up the Hamilton music scene with new sounds we haven’t seen before makes gigs worth leaving the house for. There’s something about these small shows in unconventional spaces with 20 other people that feel real and

authentic. And the more opportunities there are for bands to perform, the more people that will feel empowered and motivated to follow their own art. I guess there’s a weird courage that needs to be had to start a band in a farming town. Meeting new people, sharing a beer at 2 pm on a Saturday, or playing a show in a boomy, echoey youth centre or a warehouse down a side street are things that only come from the drive to just make some fucking music with your friends, rather than to just get fame or money. “It’s nice to have an artistic outlet for self-expression, so to contribute to a scene that gives others the same opportunity is a positive by-product of ‘being in a band.’

From College Hall socialite to long-limed dominator. Kelly Jury’s meteoric rise to prominence with the Silver Ferns will come as little surprise to those who knew her before the fame and glory. Jury’s oncourt tenacity and strong desire to win has confirmed her status as one of New Zealand Netballs’ rising stars. Described by Waikato Bay of Plenty Magic, as a “long-limbed defender who’s a constant danger with her disruptive lean and rebounding ability”; though to some on campus, she’s still known as the really fucking tall girl next door. NEXUS: How long have you known that netball was your thing? KJ: I started playing netball when I was seven. Coming from a sporty family, I obviously tried to play as many other sports as possible. Tennis was one of the other sports that I really loved. From a young age, I played a lot of representative tennis for Taranaki and got a lot of professional coaching. It’s fair to say that tennis held priority over netball for a big part of my

life. It wasn’t till I was 14 that I switched that around and really wanted to give netball a crack after I surprisingly made the New Plymouth Girls High Senior A team when I was Year 9. So it was really from then that I put a lot of focus into my netball. NEXUS: Is there any experience in particular that felt like your ‘I made it’ moment? KJ: I wouldn’t call it an “‘I made it’ moment”, but I will always remember walking into my first Magic

training. First, meeting all the girls and just pinching myself that I was going to be playing in the same team as the likes of Leana De Bruin and Casey Kopua who I’d looked up to for years, as well as Jo Harten who is an English international. If I had to name an “‘I made it’ moment” though, it would definitely have to be my debut for the Ferns in Liverpool. NEXUS: How have you found balancing study with your sport? KJ: I’ve been lucky enough to be involved in the Hillary Scholarship programme, and they have provided me with a lot of support in this area especially. It can be challenging, but if you’re organised and have good communication with your lecturers and tutors, it’s definitely doable. With the build-up to the Commonwealth Games, netball had to take a massive priority, so I put a pause on my studies. I’ll pick my papers back up in B Semester. I’ll be studying for a couple more years yet due me only [studying], but I’ll get there in the end. NEXUS: You’ve recently been to the Commonwealth Games – what was the highlight, and what does it really feel like to be a Commonwealth athlete? KJ: It was such a cool experience. The athlete village was obviously incredible and just being surrounded by the best athletes in the world was surreal. A major highlight would definitely be walking in the opening ceremony. The other would just have to be being apart of Team NZ and getting to know all the other athletes from their respective sports. Netball isn’t involved in the Olympics, so the Commonwealth Games is the only tournament in which we travel with other sports and Athletes. I vividly remember watching the 2010 Delhi Commonwealth Games Netball finals where New Zealand beat Australia in double extra time to bring home the gold medal. I definitely wouldn’t have believed anyone if someone had told me that I’d be playing in the Commonwealth Games eight years later. NEXUS: You’ve received an impressive number of titles and awards to date – do you feel like your successes have been specific goals of yours, or more like surprising strokes of chance? KJ: Looking back, it hasn’t been easy. I never made all of the Taranaki age group representative teams, and one of my biggest heartbreaks at the time was missing out on the New Zealand secondary school team at the start of my final year of high school. I was absolutely devastated at the time, and all I could think was if I can’t make the team, I’ll never be able to make any of the higher NZ teams in the future. For

the rest of that year, I just set out to prove to those selectors that they’d made a mistake. My initial plan to go to university, find a club team and hopefully pick up an ANZ franchise contract. A couple of years later, I was fast-tracked when I received a call from the WBOP magic coach while I was at school to find out I’d been offered a contract to play for the franchise. I was in complete shock as I never really considered the possibility of that happening. It didn’t have a chance to sink in before reality hit back when I ruptured my Achilles tendon the very next day. I spent my first season of Magic in 2015 on the sidelines, teaching my body how to run and play netball again. It was hard at the time only being able to watch but I was so grateful in being able to watch and just soak up as much information as possible, so when the time came for me to finally be able to get on the court I knew exactly what was required and expected of me. NEXUS: We have to mention the impressive height. You’re 1.92 metres tall; is that a family thing, and did you ever consider, let’s say, basketball or modelling? KJ: Most of my family are above average in height, so it was bound to happen. My grandmother is only about 5 foot three, so I missed those genes [laughs]. I’d only played a little bit of social basketball growing up but our school rules were that you couldn’t play in both the Senior A Netball and basketball team so I ultimately had to make a choice early on. It was also a ‘no’ to modelling [laughs]. NEXUS: Where to from here? KJ: Round one of The ANZ Premiership starts on the 6th of May where we face the Central Pulse down in Palmerston North. So after having a good two-week break away from netball after the Commonwealth Games, I’ll head back into training fully with the Waikato Bay of Plenty Magic for my fourth season. Looking beyond ANZ, we will go straight back into the international season with two big series at the end of the year (Constellation and Taini Jamieson). The big focus for the Silver Ferns now is looking towards the Netball World Cup held in Liverpool in July next year. NEXUS: What would your advice be for other aspiring athletes? KJ: My advice would be to make sure you love what you’re doing. There is no point in doing anything if your heart isn’t fully in it. Another big thing I was always told was to make the most of every opportunity because you never know who’s watching from the sidelines.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY JAVI WILDE @BINX.FILM

Being Wholeheartedly Woke This isn’t even an argument as much as it is me telling you that no matter how much you want to bury your head in the sand, the world will kick down your door and unceremoniously maul you. No matter how much you want to justify your infantile unwillingness to sit up and give a damn about what happens outside of the tiny universe that revolves around you, there is no reason not to be aware of the events that influence the world in which you live. That situation over in that country that everyone has been paying attention tothat situation will point and laugh as it goes home from the party with the girl you so desperately want to impress because you were too busy doing three-fifths of fuck all your entire life to pick up a newspaper. I’m not going to blame pop culture or falling attention spans or make claims that some people are just interested in other things. You can consume a steady diet of Dancing with the Stars, Game of Thrones, and Kanye West tweets while still finding time to be halfway clued up on what the Prime Minister is up to. You don’t even have to be all the way clued up. You just have to put some effort in. If you don’t, then nobody will find you interesting, and you’ll realise you exist in a circle of friends whose only sources of conversation are either that time you did something or in-jokes 32

about that time you did something. Nobody likes those sorts of people. If you weren’t one, you wouldn’t like them either. ‘Ignorance is bliss’, they say. This is a lie. What you don’t know can hurt you, and it hurts you worse than what you do know. It may be a phrase well-meant, but it is most certainly is the tinfoil shield of cowards whose laziness they disguise with false nonchalance, crying out ‘I don’t even care about politics, man’ as everyone else who invested a modicum of effort and interest in learning about the world glides past them, uninterested in whatever half-baked, embarrassing opinion they hold. The good news is, even if you are a man afraid of the sheer scope of everything happening in the world and struggling to find a place to start, there is hope. Just pick up a book, or read an article, or try that oldfashioned thing called ‘asking a friend’. Whatever you do, don’t be swayed by the other page telling you your bubble of ignorance is safe. It isn’t. Things will happen, and if you aren’t aware, they will murder you in your sleep. Or at the very least make you look silly and uninteresting in front of your peers. And hell, if you know something, then you might even be able to make the world a better place.

Being Blatantly Ignorant I swear there must be no greater bliss on the planet than being one of those completely clueless, sweetly naïve folk who wanders around absolutely unaware of the world around them, in their little world full of apple pies and daisies. At least, that’s what I imagine it’s like because that’s the level of happiness I feel when election season ends, and we don’t have politics rammed down our throats until they reach our actual spleen any longer. That is the point where I may resume my normal existence, which is primarily based upon pointedly ignoring the news as much as basic social interaction necessities allow me. With all the juvenile serial killers, white cisgender supremacists, government spying, diminishing of the ozone layer, Big Pharma corruption and the general decay of social interaction in our world today, who would really want to be woke anyway? I’m pretty sure a clinical depression diagnosis isn’t too far off if you delve too deep, too consistently, because the goingson in the world is depressing AF. Instead, I propose living in a state of sweet, sweet ignorance. Because fuck, if we’re lucky enough to live in a developed nation equipped with basic survival needs, financial support and access to higher education, we’re among the lucky few. Therefore I

propose we revel in our luxurious (namely) big-worryfree lifestyles and live like your favourite rapper: kick off your shoes, lax on a yacht somewhere, fuck bitches, don’t read current affairs. I mean, who needs the extra emotional burden? Won’t that interfere with your rap genius? So yeah, sure, you want to sound cultured. But really, I would say the percentage of the daily conversation I have that revolves around the news is pretty damn low. Even then, I feel like a grumpy old man waving his cane at the television if I grumble about taxes or something. Don’t waste the energy, dude. It’s like the paleo diet; only this is more based on any evidence whatsoever. Being ignorant will keep you happy. It may well piss off your peers or give you a reputation as a ditzy blonde, but you won’t care. You’ll be too busy enjoying the splendours of your worryfree days frolicking in Swedish meadows, while the haters gain hunchbacks, wasting their evenings away, furiously scrolling through the Stuff website – ignoring the abhorrent formatting – and looking for more things to get angry over or share on Facebook without any intention of actually doing anything about the issue at hand.

NOTT GIRLS Another stock standard ‘homely’ flat. There were no tales of forgotten nights, not even murmurs of an illicit inside joke. Instead, we were enlightened to the meals they’ve cooked for the community, their celebrity status on ‘Buy And Sell Hamilton & Waikato’, and the countless grapes they’ve thrown at the boys next door.

He’s a big personality, the kind of guy you always invite to drinks to keep it interesting. She’s a stunner, the kind of girl who could easily be a home wrecker, except it probably wouldn’t fit her aesthetic. SHE SAID:

HE SAID:

The night was already off to a good start when my friend called in sick to work so she could help me prepare for this experience. After a couply wines to ease the nerves, we left a few minutes late because there was no way I was going to be the first one there. I’d convinced myself to expect the worst so I was pleasantly surprised when he didn’t turn out to be a scrawny first year wearing Stussy. He was down to spend most of the tab on drinks which earned him some additional brownie points. The chat was pretty good and after telling each other most of our life stories he asked if I was keen to go outside for a dart, big yes. Conversation was still flowing a couple hours later when his flatmates rocked in, there was none of the laddy shit I expected from a group of guys witnessing their friend on a date which I was impressed with; must be something about post-grad students. At this point we’d realised we had a lot more in common than expected and at one point even thought we might be related (should have done a background check Nexus), we weren’t but turned out our families are both from the same country which was a kewl coincidence. Once House started closing up we rocked over to shisha where we had a couple more drinks and the conversation turned to politics (risky business), despite our different stances on fair trade, we still managed to keep it civil and ended up ubering back to his flat where we watched some docos. It started to get pretty late and I came to the realisation I definitely wanted my own bed that night so took a cheeky Uber home (not sponsored). All in all it was an enjoyable night, thanks heaps to the House staff and Nexus ofc.

I was expecting my date to be blind, Anne Frankly I was let down; however, she was a good lass who jumped straight to the chase when it came to destroying the bar tab and punching back a few durries. Have I found a queen to cash cheques and snap necks with, earning and burn with, kicking ass while smoking darts and fucking tarts? Pretty chuffed at this point, she’s a fit bird with good chat which seems to be going well with no major hiccups, though it was a different story as the rumbos caught up, apologies for forgetting your name at this point of time. We rambled over the classic 21 questions alongside a rundown on her tattoos. Gotta add she pulled off the get-up. Kicked onto the shisha bar to blow some dank clouds and try lasso her home with my sub-par chat. Nonetheless and a cheeky Uber home, punished a few big ol’ Amish doinks and a drop of ol’ trusty red wine on the couch to then go to bed. Lady with such class kept decent and settled for a cuddle. Despite reiterating that we’ll give each other a good write up, I’ll keep to my word; solid night all up 10/10 would recommend doing – however, disclaimer should be stated that the date isn’t blind. Enjoys a dart and chat even a cheeky flower vase every once in awhile. Also can you transfer me $4.58 for the Uber ride home 0318284-122-001. XOXO Gossip Boy.

Brought to you by House on Hood Street. If you’re keen for a Blind Date, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Keen for some free Burgerfuel? Simply snap us the shitfest of your student lifestyle for the chance to win. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve accidentally sent us something you shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have, just email editor@nexusmag.co.nz with all the details. Prizes can be claimed from reception in the SUB (between Unimart and the gym). 39

Puzzles

CODE CRACKER 17 26 9

WORDFIND

W H

Early working titles for ‘Emotions’ by Mariah Carey (“You’ve got me feeling _______”).

Not sure Interested A hard on Insecure Confused

Hesitant Sore Underwhelmed Horny Bamboozled

EASY SUDOKU

22 1

5 2

9 6

14 11

12 22

25 23

26 26

16 16

22 16

)×

= 23

(

= 23

DIFFICULT SUDOKU

4 3

6 1

5 4

6 4

1 24

(

7 3

= 24

1 2

ALGE-BRUH

3 7

A B C D E F G H I J KL M N O P Q R STUVWXYZ

6 7

5 4

MEDIUM SUDOKU

1 6

THEME:

Panicky A bit weird Gross as fuck Uncomfortable Diarrhoea

3 23

1 4

was this "photo" taken in

SIMPLE PUZZLES FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE

99% of some people get this wrong

CROSSWORD 1

ALGE-BRUH ANSWERS: 8

17 18

LAST WEEKâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ANSWERS:

WORD TWIST

ACROSS:

DOWN:

1. Entrust (7) 5. Small thin biscuit (5) 8. Dissonance (5) 9. Projecting upper floor (7) 10. The sheltered side (7) 12. Unvarnished (5) 13. Scheme (6) 15. Become visible (6) 18. Flowed back (5) 19. Athlete (7) 21. Hinged window blind (7) 22. Slight push (5) 23. Two or more contesting groups (5) 24. Striking (7)

1. Tapers (7) 2. Inexperienced (5) 3. Frozen water (3) 4. Personify (6) 5. Decorative covering (9) 6. Photographic film (7) 7. Synthetic silklike fabric (5) 11. Short accounts of incidents (9) 14. Quashed (7) 16. Private place with peace and quiet (7) 17. Marine mammal (6) 18. Alleviates (5) 20. Emblem (5) 22. Nothing (3) 41