Nexus 2018 Issue 13 by Nexus Magazine

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Editorial FOMO Easy News News Entertainment Reviews Rad Rags for Ladies and Lads Pass the Aux The Crowd Goes Mild This vs. That Centrefold Calendar Girl

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How to Fix Everything Feature: Dying, Dead, Decomposing Arts Lonely Tarts Club Full Exposure: Hockey Dad Town Rundown Waikatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Flats Blind Date Horoscopes Snapped Puzzles

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Issue 13, 9th - 13th July 2018 Editor: Lyam Buchanan editor@nexusmag.co.nz Design: Vincent Owen design@nexusmag.co.nz Managing Editor: James Raffan james@wsu.org.nz Sub Editor: Jennie-Louise Kendrick jen@nexusmag.co.nz Deputy Editor: Grace Mitchell grace@nexusmag.co.nz

Contributors: Scott Carroll, Conor Maxwell, Kaitlin Stewart, Jacqui Swney, Cameron McRobie, Kim Sare, Jared Ipsen, Peter Dornauf, the New Zealand Police, and the tenants of Tralee Trailer Park Cover Design: Vincent Owen Instagram: @vincentowwen Online: vincentowen.co.nz Centrefold: Jo Minor Instagram: @josefminor Contact: josef.minor@gmail.com

News Editor: Alexander Nebesky alex@nexusmag.co.nz

Horoscope Illustrations: Josh Nelson Instagram: @joshprobably Twitter: @joshDrawbably

Reviews Editor: Archie Porter reviews@nexusmag.co.nz

Video Intern: Isaac Wohlers Podcast Editor: Caleb Bird

Not a Lot to Complain About In previous years, there have been countless points where the majority of editorial chat would revolve around questionable decisions made by the University and WSU. Some of the more notable being the funding cuts to FASS, the delusion that students will take part in orientation events the week before classes start, and booking acts such as the esteemed Max Key. Thankfully, as the student publication of the University, we’re expected to continually stir shit and question the decisions which affect the student body. Though sadly, at least for now, there’s really not a whole lot to stir. While this may eventually seem like just a brief moment, for once, everything is actually working out. Student concerns are being taken into account and decisions are seemingly being made in their best interest. Who would’ve fucking guessed? Now, this will probably read as if I’m rimming out the University, and that’d be entirely justified, but in reality, if there were any significant issues that we were aware of on campus, there’s no doubt it’d be covered. This doesn’t mean Waikato is perfect by any stretch; our church is still getting a shitload of student money and nobody really knows why, the University Comms Team are still using a jandal in an attempt to relate to students, and out equivalent of valedictorian speeches are more often than not just a UoW-branded wankfest. The point is that the University is actually listening. Developments across campus aren’t being made with their business models at the forefront, proposals such as The Pā (page 6) have been developed with the goal of improving the student experience and actually livening the culture on campus. Again, who would’ve fucking guessed? When this is all coupled with the Government’s changes to tertiary education, the more time that passes, the better it becomes to be a student. For one, if you were about to finish high school, and go into further study, not only would your first year be “fees free”, but you’d also be receiving more from Studylink than any of us have up until this year. On top of that, chances are high that universities will start bribing you with a whole lot more to enrol with them since fees will play less of a part in your decision. If all goes to plan, those that choose Waikato in 10 years might actually experience a campus that caters to them—not a soul-sucking concrete jungle; a place you wouldn’t just scuttle home from as soon as class was over. With that being said, if anyone has any University-related complaints worthy of investigation by a subpar student journalist – definitely flick through an email. While it’s nice to share some pride in our university, it’s more enjoyable to stress out their publicity team.

– Lyam

Midland MRI National Youth Art Award | Call for entries

The Midland MRI National Youth Art Award is open for entries again, and we cannot wait to see this year’s submissions! Again, we have seven awards to present: The Midland MRI Grand Prize of $2,000, the Breakthrough Artist award ($1,000), Emerging Young Artist award ($500), the Print award ($500), the Abstract award ($500), the Photography award ($500), and the People’s Choice award ($250). The competition is an excellent opportunity to participate in a national art award whether this is the first time you have had the chance to exhibit, or you have done it before. An exhibition of the finalists will be shown at ArtsPost in Hamilton from September 7th – October 8th. We look forward to seeing your entries as they roll in – entries close July 27th. You can download your entry form from our website www.wsa.org.nz If you have any questions, please feel free to get in touch via email: wsanyaa2018@gmail.com Get making and good luck!

Need to change your B Semester papers?

You can add papers up until 5 pm, Friday 13 July (or the following week, with approval from your lecturer). You can withdraw from papers with a full refund up until 5 pm, Friday 20 July. Need help? See the FAQs in MyWaikato, or talk to your Faculty or the Student Centre Team.

Travel while you study

This is your opportunity to travel overseas while completing your Waikato degree! We have partner universities in over 20 countries around the world, and travel awards to help with your costs. Applications are due on July 15 so get organised now! To apply, visit: goo.gl/3JWHLE/

Spend ten weeks in China

Learn some Mandarin, get experience in your area of study, and immerse yourself in Chinese culture with the Education NZ PMSA Scholarship. The programme runs from November 22 – February 3 and is open to all students. Apply before July 22 via internchina.com/pmsa/

Get involved with sustainability on campus

Wednesday, July 11, the Eco Emporium is hosting a get-together for all new and returning students who are keen to be involved with sustainability on campus. Head to the Cowshed (behind the WSU building) at midday to meet, eat, and plan projects for the semester.

Sort your B Semester fitness

UniRec’s popular B Semester student membership is back! 4 months for only $220 upfront. Be quick – offer ends 31 July 2018. Visit http://www.unirec.co.nz/ for more info.

2018 Hamilton Fringe Festival | Applications open

Fringe Festival is a festival for the artsy-inclined. It’s for anything on the edge of ordinary—a bit wacky and out there. It’s a platform for artists to try a new venture in a supported environment; for experiences and spontaneity. It’s all about experimentation. Hamilton Fringe Festival is committed to making the experience accessible (financially, physically—however else) for all involved – artists and attendees. We’re big on kid-friendly events, street theatre/public events, interactivity, interesting venues used in interesting ways; we’re big on anything zany. If you’re keen to get involved or want more details, jump on Facebook and search “2018 Hamilton Fringe Festival”. Applications are now open and will close on August 23.

Loud siren test | Wednesday at 1 pm

At 1 pm on July 11, the University will test its emergency communications channels, including loud sirens which will sound for three minutes. You should also receive messages via email and text message (if we have your mobile number on file). In future, the siren will be used to signal a campus lock-down, so it’s important to make yourself familiar with the sound. This is just a test. You do not need to take any action.

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has been pledged by protesters to fly an inflatable ‘Trump baby’ over Parliament during US President’s UK visit.

years of solitude has come to an end for the world’s ‘longest surviving voluntary castaway’ as the 82-year-old naked hermit is returned to civilisation.

nurses are set to strike on July 12, only a week after their first in 30 years. DHBs are ensuring emergency and essential services will still be available.

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A second Spanish church has fallen prey to a wellintentioned restorer after a 500-year-old wooden effigy of St George was left looking like a claymation knight in shining armour. [1] Spotify has indicated its ambitions to extend into the video streaming market after recent reports suggested that Apple Music could overtake them within the next couple of months. However, analysts aren’t too sure it will be a success. Two Kiwis are doing prison time in the UK after taking deposits for supercars they never intended to order and defrauding customers out of more than $579,000. Facebook is currently testing a new way to mute content, establishing a “snooze option” which allow users to temporarily hide any posts from their timeline that contain keywords they’ve chosen. The world’s hottest low temperature ever was recorded in a coastal city of Oman, the temperature remaining above 42.7°C for 24 hours. It’s likely this is the highest minimum ever observed on Earth. [2]

Twitter accounts were found and questioned in May for spamming or being automated.

social media followers is the minimum requirement to take a photo with a new private mural in Los Angeles.

cryptocurrency cases are being investigated after the FBI identified a link between virtual currencies and criminal activity, specifically drug-related dark web escapades.

Oppo Find X

Even though it’s blatantly out of the price range of the average student, this new flagship Oppo device makes a statement. What sets this apart is the slick new motorised pop-up camera. However, critics are apprehensive as the absence of a fingerprint scanner has resulted in this mechanism being essential for basic operation. Why should you buy this? • If you feel the need to have the latest and greatest, this is without a doubt your next purchase. Why shouldn’t you buy this? • There’s a reason phones are typically solid-state devices: the fewer moving parts, the fewer ways something can break.

Nexus Magazine – 1998

Football: 2018 FIFA World Cup

Rugby: Investec Super Rugby Series

SEMI FINALS

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Wednesday 11th July – 6 am Thursday 12th July – 6 am

CHIEFS V HURRICANES

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THIRD PLACE PLAYOFF

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Sunday 15th July – 2 am FINAL

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Monday 16th July – 3 am

Cricket: International Series

Friday 13th July – 7:35 pm (FMG Stadium Waikato) CRUSADERS V BLUES

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Saturday 14th July – 7:35 pm (AMI Stadium Christchurch)

1ST ODI: ENGLAND V INDIA

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Thursday 12th July –11:30 pm 2ND ODI: ENGLAND V INDIA

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Saturday 14th July – 10 pm

NEWS

Campus Development: The Pā LYAM BUCHANAN

At an estimated cost of around $80,000,000, The Pā project represents a significant reorganisation of the Hamilton campus. The idea was a simple one: create a large-scale facility that serves as a Marae, a conference facility, kitchen, retail outlets, concert venue, and a student hangout. It’s fair to say we had our doubts as to the success of the venture. A few years on and we are starting to come around. We’re still sceptical but it sounds like this may actually be the thing this campus needs. We sat down with Director of Regional Engagement Joseph Macfarlane, to get a better understanding of this proposal. NEXUS: The Pā is nearing its next approval stage, would you say you’ve got the plans pretty well locked down? JM: We are making good progress with the plan and concept, and over the last few months, there has been solid engagement with students and WSU—thanks to Candra and Nathan. We are in the process of putting the Pā concept under the scrutiny of a number of user and advisory groups, and while the plans are holding up well and becoming more refined, there remains a myriad of issues still to be resolved and numerous decisions 6

to be made. We are grappling with major things like the optimal size for the Wharenui and the large atrium that forms the Student Hub, and other smaller scale—but significant—considerations such as where we might place the reheat/ microwave stations. In terms of the approval process, we are looking toward December when the University Council will consider the Pā project for ultimate approval and investment. If it is approved, things will move quickly in 2019 with decanting and site preparation, and a major construction project will be underway. It’s great to have this opportunity to update students via Nexus, and it will be important to keep students informed of the progress of the complex as things progress. NEXUS: Can you tell us a bit about the consultation with students/external stakeholders and how many hours have gone into this?

The consultation around the Pā has been thorough, and it is ongoing. Throughout the last two months, in particular, we have had some excellent exchanges with WSU reps and student reps through workshops convened by Candra and Nathan. The ideas and guidance have been a huge help. Noting too that the project has enjoyed a positive engagement with students since the discussions first began in 2015 via Indula as WSU president, followed by William, and now Candra—all members on the project’s Design Advisory Committee and Project Control Group, and great advocates for the Student Hub concept. When the first concept designs for the Pā were developed in June 2016, we set up display panels in the Student Centre and received a lot of rich and helpful feedback from students. We will set up something similar in the weeks ahead to display the concept JM:

NEWS

designs and images, and hopefully, students will again take up the opportunity to feed in comments and ideas. NEXUS: What are the educational opportunities for places like the Māori and Indigenous studies? JM: It is great to have the Faculty of Māori and Indigenous Studies: Te Pua Wānanga ki Te Ao right in the heart of the new complex. This concept of combining Faculty space, student space, cultural and executive space all under the one roof has never been done before by any university in the world. Ultimately, the driver for the Pā is to positively transform the on-campus experience for the campus community and students in particular. Its a challenging but exciting brief and if it can be done anywhere, it is here at our University. NEXUS: There hasn’t been much mention about sustainability, can you talk more about how you’re incorporating these? JM: Sustainability is a constant and it’s good to be asked about it. The use of timber as the primary building material is a major sustainability measure, and the retention and restoration

of A Block is a significant environmental consideration also. As one would expect, the complex will maximise—and manage— natural light throughout, and the facility is being designed with natural heating and ventilation systems. The Pā also has a landscaping plan that emphasises the quality of our university grounds and retains many of the native trees which currently extend across the University’s Hillcrest Rd frontage. Other options for energy generation and use, and water recycling are still being considered. NEXUS: There’s going to be a large kitchen there, will this be available for students? JM: We are still looking at the detail around access to microwave banks, food heating and preparation facilities. Definitely, there will be reheat stations, but we are thinking more broadly too around food options in the Pā and price points in the retail and kitchen spaces. Again, the feedback from students has been a huge help, and there are decisions still to be made. NEXUS: We heard on the low that the VC will have a secret cocktail lounge for entertaining guests, can you confirm these suspicions?

I can confirm that the suspicions are kind of true—but kind of not. True in that we are exploring a space for hosting guests and visitors to the University and it will be proximate to the VC suite. But it will be space for the staff of the University to use as a hosting space and common area also. The decision is still to be made regarding cocktails and other beverages! Currently, there are some challenges to this concept in relation to how it might operate, so I shouldn’t say too much—no wonder you think it’s a secret. NEXUS: What will this achieve in terms of campus stickability? Will this adhere to that 9-5 mentality? JM: The Pā is a major part of the effort to make our campus a ‘sticky campus’ for students, staff and the community. During term time, the Pā will be fully activated as a Student Hub and will need to at least reflect the extended hours of Te Manawa. We are planning for the Pā to be a busy and vibrant space all year round—to be activated as a student hub during the term, and then to be put to good use as a conference, events and community space in between. Full interview available online. JM:

NEWS

Roofing, Roads, and Renovation LYAM BUCHANAN

A series of improvements to campus infrastructure begun over the teaching recess—this resulting in campus roads being closed for maintenance, and the Health Centre experiencing a range of disruptions. We sat down with Director of Student Services Mike Calvert and Campus Development Manager Tony Kavanagh to get the lowdown on these developments. NEXUS: What caused the tarmac by the central bus stop to need resealing? TK: We made a decision towards the end of last year that we were going to do some work around there as the existing surface/ subsurface was starting to fail. We were getting lots of potholes through there, and it was reaching the point where it was becoming unrepairable. We’ve also got a lot of flooding around there—especially in the Gate 1 carpark—when it rains, so we’d like just to take care of the whole lot in one hit. NEXUS: Will these roadworks continue straight onto the Gate 1 carpark? TK: No, logistically it didn’t work—we’ve had to split it up, so they’ll be back in August for the carpark. They’ll do from where they are now, from UniRec and the returning circle [then] they’ll move

down to the road outside the carpark. They’ll put some one-way traffic in place, complete that bit and then come back in and do the carpark. NEXUS: How many car parks during the work on Gate 1 will be taken out? TK: At this stage, we don’t know; we’re not 100% sure. We’ll definitely look to minimise the disruption. NEXUS: When will this tarmac project be completed? TK: It should be done—weather permitting—within the next three weeks. NEXUS: What renovation is being carried out on Student Health Centre? TK: We’re putting a roof on it. We’ve had some real issues with leaks, and it was a bit held together by rust in the end—it needed doing urgently. Because of the way the building originally built, we’ve had to

change the whole pitch of the roof, so it doesn’t happen again. So it’s a new roof covering, but a new roof frame is going in there as well. MC: So obviously, as far as possible, we’ve tried to move services out of the Health Centre while that was going on, but it simply just wasn’t practical. There really wasn’t any other option other than to leave them in there while the work was going on around them. TK: However, it was consulted with them as well before the job started; a full consultation for both parties. We did look at an option of closing it down for five days while we did the worst of the work, but that just didn’t work for them, they’re too busy. MC: They’re doing the very best they can in those challenging circumstances.

Crush of the Week: The Loo-Pedal Could this be the answer to the eternal divide? The solution to the bane of all relationships between the genitallydissimilar? This revolutionary device will circumvent the inevitable sleepy misjudgement which will one day result in a toilet-sogged derrière. Please, take our money already. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times you insist on a horizontal lid; this is a losing battle. With this simple foot-pedal invention, the stander-uppers of the urination world can merely lift and close the seat without even needing to take their hands off their junk. Everybody wins.

Clickbait Moodboard:

What’s Hot: •

The hookups that are bound to happen with local MPs during O-Week

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Rediscovering Jordin Sparks’ music

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Neve’s future siblings: Tomus, Shinaid, Vaun

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Extending your degree after failing compulsory papers

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Wearing your beanie like a fresh out the pack condom

Theme: Going on Nexus Blind Dates.

What’s Not:

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The World Cup having more upsets than tourist tummies in Delhi

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Mike Hosking and his fetish for ‘robust’ plastic bags

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Refs that obviously haven’t been to Specsavers

TOP 10:

Re-O Icebreakers Panic Ensues After the Lawrenson Group Make Minor Changes to Their Re-O Lineup

After coming to the realisation that slight changes have been made since the 2017 lineup, distressed nightlife enthusiast, Dylan (19-BMS), found himself in dire need of a lukewarm Ranfurly. “Oi where the fuck is Little Black Dress?!”

Spiral of Lies Continues as Promises to ‘Do This Semester Properly’ Are Made

After speaking to the majority of students nationwide, the general consensus is everyone feels as if they “need to knuckle down and just do it properly this time round” or at least “take my degree a little more seriously”.

Inability to Organise Compulsory Work Experience Reaches a New High

Wowee! Everyone is back in Hamilton for another really cool and enjoyable semester. Just in case you lost your social skills in the past fortnight, here’s a set of flawless, enjoyable, and really engaging conversation starters to crack out this Re-O. 1.

“Honestly, I reckon Tinder is just so much better back home than it is in Hamilton. I matched with this hottie the other week and we’ve actually been talking everyday since...” 2. “Haha fuck man, I’ll be surprised if I even make it to a single lecture this week, I’m just so over Uni ay.” 3. “Yeah, so what papers are you taking this semester?” Followed with either: “Oooh, that’ll be rough, at least once you pass that it’ll nearly be over haha” or “Aw yo that’ll be cruisy, I guess we’ll be seeing you out on the piss more this semester then ay?!” 4. “Aw fuck look who it is! Haven’t seen you in a few moons ahaha yeah so how ya been?” 5. “Wait, ok, so do you reckon they actually broke up? I heard that they did and that she’d already moved on but then she put up that photo of them on Instagram so who knows really” 6. “Town tonight?” 7. “I swear Re-O just never goes as hard as O-Week, like it’s not even that cold though?!” 8. “Did you head home over the break? Aw that’s sweet must’ve been good to catch up with the rents :)” 9. “Yeah I’ve just been working full time for the past few weeks, after getting that first 40 hour pay, I honestly considered dropping out ay haha” 10. “Oh my gooooosh!! I haven’t seen you in so loooong! I missed you so muuuuch xx”

After failing to organise any form of internship throughout their last 42 months at University, 4thyear students are reportedly ‘ok’ with the idea of graduating in either 2019 or 2020. “Honestly it wouldn’t even be that bad”, “Reckon we’ll still graduate at the same time?”. 11

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Year of the Snitch

Legion

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YEAR OF THE SNITCH – DEATH GRIPS REVIEW: ARCHIE PORTER

LEGION (SEASONS 1 & 2) – CREATED BY NOAH HAWLEY REVIEW: SCOTT CARROLL

After a seemingly never-ending onslaught of strange, ambiguous singles, infamous experimental hip-hop trio Death Grips have released their new beast unto the world. Ominously titled Year of the Snitch and accompanied by its frankly disgusting album artwork, the record proves to be immediately unsettling; the music itself is, unsurprisingly, not much tamer. However, what is surprising is how genuinely baffling and unpredictable Year of the Snitch is throughout its 37-minute runtime, especially compared to the group’s last record, Bottomless Pit. Even more surprising is that, despite its immediate strangeness, the album ranks among Death Grips’ greatest work to date; it just takes time to digest. The album bears similarity to 2014’s Government Plates regarding its structure – many of the songs, too, sound somewhat similar to ‘Birds’, one of the stranger tracks on that previous album. However, Year of the Snitch effortlessly implements many different sounds and styles that the group have previously touched upon into a mesmerisingly cohesive record. This is exemplified on tracks such as ‘Flies’ and ‘Black Paint’, two wildly different songs that seamlessly blend into each other. Tracks such as the opener, ‘Death Grips Is Online’, ‘Linda’s In Custody’, and ‘Streaky’, provide moments of lowkey jilted intensity, while others such as ‘Black Paint’, ‘Shitshow’, and ‘Disappointed’ stand as some of Death Grips’ most wildly aggressive songs in their discography. While it may seem underwhelming or unlistenable at first, give it a chance to sink in and Year of the Snitch is one of the most exciting albums of 2018 so far. 12

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Legion dives straight into the mind of David Haller, a man gifted with what appears to be unusual superpowers, yet cursed with some form of mental illness or lapse of sanity. The show is vivid in its use of colour, cinematography and characters; often throwing things at the viewers out of left field. Dance sequences, startling visual effects reminiscent of techno-pop music shorts, and quirky-yet-jilted dialogue between an uncanny or downright odd ensemble of cast members keep you constantly out of check with what’s happening in the plot. It tries hard to be two steps ahead of you. Yet thanks to a subtle placement of foreshadowing plot devices and motifs, the show doesn’t become hopelessly disorientating as one might expect. Legion mimics madness for the consistency of its theme and titular character. While this is understandable, it sometimes detracts from itself as a showy, ‘artier’ piece when it remembers at the end of the day that it’s still a superhero show. Specifically, it’s based on the X-Men universe, so while these first two seasons have been very promising, I fear deep down at some point it will inevitably lower its unpredictable flair for the sake of closure and satisfaction.

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Detroit: Become Human

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DETROIT: BECOME HUMAN – QUANTIC DREAM REVIEW: CONOR MAXWELL

As we, a race of sentient beings, hurtle tail-first into a terrifying future dominated by nuclear threats, startling breakthroughs in technology, and Elon Musk, it’s no surprise that stories about androids are currently dominating the video game industry. The latest in this long line of racial segregation allegories is Detroit: Become Human – the most recent project of Heavy Rain creator, David Cage. The story focuses on three android protagonists; an artist’s assistant named Markus, a nanny named Kara and, my obvious favourite, an FBI negotiator called Connor. If you’re familiar with the likes of Blade Runner or Black Mirror, the narrative itself doesn’t provide anything new, but David Cage’s classic branching pathways and the fact that there are many opportunities for key characters to die off during the campaign if you make bad choices keeps the tried-and-true ideas fresh and exciting. I had to replay the opening chapter three or four times to keep Connor alive because there’s no fucking way I’m letting anything bad happen to someone with such a cool name. Detroit: Become Human is well worth paying attention to if you’re interested in exploring a familiar-yet-original follicle of the extended android/ human relationship narrative: if androids can feel like humans can, then is employing them just a form of slavery?

Album NOON – DRAX PROJECT Fairly weak compared to their last EP, though it still features a couple of strong tracks.

Playlist NIGHT RAIN – SPOTIFY An experimental range of pitter to patter ratios that are sure to define the genre.

Single GIVE YOURSELF A TRY – THE 1975 Another cringey track which makes you wonder if their peak in 2013 was a fluke.

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Sellout. KAITLIN STEWART Online shopping. A super convenient, quick and straightforward task able to be completed right from the comfort of your bed. Every student’s dream. However, this is no longer limited to websites opened by pre-existing clothing brands. Any person with access to the internet can sell clothes. Instagram, Depop, Facebook, any photo sharing platform offers the ability to start up a clothing line. If this whole university thing doesn’t work out, why not kickstart your fashion career? If vintage brands are a bit of you, you’re most likely already aware of Vintage Vintage and Magichollow. Both of which specialise in selling brands such as Guess, Ralph Lauren, Tommy Hilfiger—only the streetwear classics. Due to the immense popularity garnered by Magichollow, they have since opened a store in central Auckland. However, if affordable vintage is what you want, I recommend Vintage Vintage. With such a large variety of both good and bad conditioned pieces, the prices can vary incredibly. I’m very much aware not everyone is down on spending $300+ on a second-hand Guess t-shirt, I got you. Instagram can be difficult due to the pages being individually run, low on stock and quality cannot always be guaranteed. But don’t be so quick to judge, I’ve found many pages that provide locally owned, affordable clothing. And as soon as you find a decent one, they begin to flow into your recommendations. A page I would highly suggest checking out is @fruitbowlvintage. With a massive influx of second-hand pieces and aesthetically pleasing photos, you’re bound to find a few gems. However, due to her rising popularity, the good pieces sell fast. First in, first served, folks. But I know, as much as I have second-hand bias, not all of us are so inclined. Let me provide a couple of options for those quality seeking individuals. One big player in the online shopping game is ASOS. They cater to any gender and continue to specialise in plus size, petite, tall, maternity – any possible frame you may be. But be sure to check out the outlet section. As a student who shouldn’t be shopping in the first place, you better believe that’s the first section I’m looking in. Another banger I don’t dabble in myself but am acutely aware is a hit among the youth is Missguided; a store sure to provide you with your next Outback ready ‘fit. Student deals, discount codes, $5 shipping. If there’s one thing this store does is look out for us benefit-receiving invalids.

Anything but SZA JACQUI SWNEY After taking a few weeks off, I’m back to hog the AUX. I hope it was refreshing to get a glimpse of what other, potentially more intellectual, Nexus enthusiasts have to offer. I’ll admit, it was a struggle for me to fight the initial urge to make an entire playlist dedicated to SZA. However, in the past sixish weeks, I’ve managed to rinse a few new albums, and so I present to a few tracks off a playlist I like to call, “Anything but SZA”. Enjoy. 1. ‘HOTTIE’ BY BROCKHAMPTON: In a magnificent twist of fate, it has recently been announced that BROCKHAMPTON is stopping in New Zealand to blow our minds. I’m too poor to afford the tickets myself, but I’ll do my best to prepare y’all for the absolute hype that is to come. This self-proclaimed boyband has a discography bigger than my future, but ‘HOTTIE’ has recently jumped to the top of my radar. It’s fun and upbeat, and that’s all I’ve been needing to keep me listening these days. It’s got a kind of signature BROCKHAMPTON feel about it, but it’s unique enough that I didn’t immediately recognise it was their work. Other standout tracks from theses boys include ‘BEN CARSON’, ‘TOKYO’, and of course, ‘SWEET’ (which I’ve talked about before). 2. ‘ALL MINE’ BY KANYE WEST: Despite Kanye’s recent borderline psychotic breakdowns, there is no denying that he can produce a fantastic album. If you haven’t listened to his latest album, Ye (not to be 16

mispronounced as “Yee”) then I highly suggest you do. This song is made complete with epic lyrics. Kanye sings, “I love yo titties ‘cause they prove I can focus two things at once”; proving that his male attention span is nothing short of average. But still, this song is a banger and so is the rest of the album. 3. ‘1985’ BY J.COLE: The strength of J. Cole’s music lies in the absolute lyrical rawness of it. His most recent album KOD is delicious, and I couldn’t name a single song that I don’t like. The whole album is a story, addressing internal and external problems. He sings about things like addiction, growing up in the hood, temptation, and his inability to commit to a woman he loves. The song ‘1985’ provides commentary as well as provides advice to new rappers. He manages to come off as both critical and relatable, not hesitating to mention his own flaws in the process of pointing out someone else’s.

If Everyone has Super Powers then No One does CAMERON MCROBIE Picture an international competition where there were no restrictions as to what you could ingest prior to competition. Imagine, as a professional athlete, being able to load up on what could loosely be considered a parallel to meth before a marathon, shoot up with a hefty dose of ‘roids before whacking an extra hundy kegs to your clean and jerk weight lift or legally double your red blood cell count before the biggest hill stage in Le Tour De France? Much like the phrase “if everyone’s got superpowers, then no one does” – if every competitor’s doping, then no one is. A common form of endurance sports doping is the boosting of red blood cells. This is typically achieved through autologous blood doping (re-introducing your own previously extracted blood just before racing) or through Erythropoietin (EPO), which is a hormone produced by the kidneys that’s responsible for the formation of red blood cells by the bone marrow. Having more blood in ya body satisfies one of the three methods to increase your maximum cardiac output – by increasing the transport capacity of oxygen to muscles – reducing fatigue at higher exertion. The issue here is that EPO, in a reasonable dosage, has no medical repercussions and other natural methods of increasing blood cell concentration like high altitude training are already perfectly legal for athletes –

so why not remove restriction? Stimulants in sport—commonly amphetamines—act on the central nervous system to modulate mental function and behaviour, increasing excitement and decreasing fatigue. Obviously, this is pretty bloody handy in most sports, having done its dash postWWII in footy, then cycling – now it’s present in sports like baseball to help players smack a fastball before it clocks ‘em one to the bean. If the sole purpose of humans as athletes is to better performance entirely naturally, then we may as well ban them from cramp-managing magnesium pills, caffeine shots and other not-so-natural substances. Where is the line drawn? It can’t be argued with that one of the primary purposes of professional athletes is to improve themselves as much as possible to better our entertainment experience. I suggest the introduction of an auxiliary Olympic style event where no method of performance improvement is forbidden – this way, we’ll truly see who the top athletes are without unfair, drug-cheaty advantages. If everyone’s doping, then no one is.

Pretending You’ll Do This Semester Properly Last semester didn’t go so well. Maybe you’re a fresher who got overwhelmed by your first real taste of freedom, or the fact that lecturers don’t carry you through your assignments like high school teachers do. Perhaps you’re a third year who just doesn’t give a fuck anymore. These circumstances can lead to a somewhat small focus on your incredibly expensive studies. Whatever your sitch, A Sem was a steaming pile of old coleslaw and should be treated as such – thrown away, followed by your best attempts to forget all about its existence. B Sem is the time to turn it all around! This semester is the one you’ll take seriously. Sleeping in every morning? A thing of the past. From now on, you’ll attend every lecture, workshop, and tutorial. Who needs Panopto when you have good time management and a healthy sleep schedule? Late assignments – no way. Gone are the days where the condescending Moodle screen projects how many days your assessment is overdue in that awful red colour. Why not strive to be one of the people that hand their work in early, scoring an anonymous shout-out when the lecturer sends out 18

that super friendly and not at all patronising email a couple of days before the due date? Iconic. This semester you’ll learn to say no to your friends when necessary. For example, when there’s a massive assignment due at 9 am tomorrow, but the boys are getting on it, you’ll crank out a quality paper before heading out to get written off for the night. Time management and prioritising is key! B Sem 2018 is THE semester. It’s the time for self-growth, change, and responsibility. A promise to actually get your shit together and make the most out of the thousands of dollars coming out of your pocket (or the governments) is one that can be kept with hard work and not being swayed by the allure of a night on the piss or new Tinder matches. Being a proper uni student doesn’t have to be completely lame, and it just might mean you keep a few extra brain cells, save a bit more money, and learn a little bit more than your mates. Going to class isn’t that hard right? Maybe it could actually be fun! After all, everyone knows uni is more fun than high school because you get to choose what you study, right?

Accepting Nothing Ever Changes The amount of mental energy used trying to improve one’s organisational skills is a waste of time. When have ‘fresh starts,’ ‘detoxes,’ or ‘new years resolutions’ ever actually stuck? Embrace self-love; accept your lazy ass just the way you are and know that nothing will really change despite your best intentions. They say if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. As long as you end up with some form of degree at the end of 3(ish) years, what’s the fuss about? Employers will choose the people who have the social graces necessary to make an enjoyable addition to their team, over the A+++ person with no banter. So think of the procrastination as an investment in your social skills – an assurance that your grades could probably have been twice as good had you tried a little harder, but goddamnit you’re up with the latest Drake album, can name everyone off Love Island and have mastered the art of drinking enough to get smashed, but avoid alcohol poisoning. It’s a known concept that grades don’t actually matter very much, and that as long as you’ve got a degree and connections, you’ll be sweet.

In the end, all your choice student memories will make you be a funnier co-worker and hence more likely to be hired…right?* To ensure the good lads and lasses at V can keep their jobs, and to keep our adrenal glands in constant use, we have a responsibility to continue the last minute all-nighters for 30% essays – like always. You know you secretly love that little rush at the last minute, and the humour of it all; especially gloating to your mates about how much cramming you had to do. Will you get the same response if you assured people you studied consistently, kept a perfect colour-coded diary, and never missed a lecture? No. Be relatable, don’t be high achieving. If society preaches the need to love and appreciate ourselves for exactly who we are, then surely it’s time to embrace the fact that truly, nothing ever changes, rather than trying to actually change for the better in the new semester [laughs]. Be real; don’t try and kid yourself. You’re gonna be just as crap this semester as you were last semester, and the year before, and so forth. 19

Sunday KIM SARE Sunday perfectly embodies the university student experience. As the officially recognised first day of the week in religious calendars, Sundays should probably be a day charged with productivity and preparation for our busy study-filled weeks. However, speaking from experience, I can say that they often end up deeply uneventful, accompanied by a vague sense of confusion and incompetence felt around the early evening hours. But of course, living in Hamilton comes with none other than the broadest range of entertainment available for students! The endless options of things to do are particularly handy on weekends when we don’t have the added guilt of skipping lectures once again. For starters, work is always an option – paid or otherwise. Crank out the uni assignments that have been staring you in the face for the last several weeks, or start grovelling to your project group in the hopes of saving any chance you have left of a semi-okay peer review. Sundays are also the perfect day to head to work and get away from your flatmates, who are all complaining about their big Saturday night. What’s better; earning some cold, hard cash or being around friends who repeatedly mention how wasted they were the night before? Sorry to tell you, love, but no matter how many times you recite how much you had to drink, we’re not going to forget your embarrassing antics, nor stop bringing them up. As Sunday is the holiest of days, why not head to church? Religion could prove to be just the kind of 22

guidance you need in your life! There’s a few of you out there that might be in need of some forgiveness from a higher power, especially depending on the events that may have taken place on your Saturday evening. Your feelings about this activity might also depend on whether you prefer reasonable temperatures or if you cope well in the heat. Sundays are the best time to hit the supermarket! The end of the weekend often means the end of the food supply in the house and the need to restock. What better way to prepare for the week ahead than by planning meals, making sure you’ve got all the right ingredients, and ensuring you’re getting your five plus a day! I mean, I know for sure that all us students are that organised, and we have money in the bank to afford a week’s worth of groceries at a time! And on top of all this, no one ever goes to the supermarket on a Sunday arvo, so you’re guaranteed a car park right outside the door and zero queues at checkouts. The more you know! Many of us have suffered through a Sunday recovery from the wild night before, and many of us will continue to do so, as none of us are capable of recognising or acknowledging our boundaries when it comes to sleep deprivation, alcohol, and bad decisions. If all else fails, conform to societal stereotypes and spend the day in bed napping and doing nothing else – works every time.

At Peace with Death Metal: Depths and the Egyptian Underworld JARED IPSEN Death metal has always been, and will probably continue to be, a pretty scary genre of music. The vocals are abrasive, the guitars distorted and low, the drums so fast they sound like a helicopter – hell, even the logos are damn near unreadable. For some people, listening to heavy music can be a negative experience. Research found that people that weren’t familiar with the genre felt tense, afraid and angry listening to it, while fans of the genre experienced power, joy and peace. I played my girlfriend a few songs, and she said it made her feel scared and “what are they saying?” and “I don’t get it.” Hardcore music is, by definition, not accessible. Not everyone is going to be able to blast some Meshuggah and fuck with it – and that’s okay. This music isn’t for everyone. And Palmerston North outfit Depths’ latest effort, Endless, probably isn’t something my mum would want to see live at their Hamilton show late July. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have merit, mum. “Metal has a sincerity to it that sets it apart from a lot of other genres,” says Josh, Depths vocalist and lyricist. “For me, it served as a vent for a lot of anger and frustration I had in my teenage years. And to this day, it’s still therapeutic when I get on stage and belt out a set. All the stress of daily life just seems to take a back seat.”

Endless is a sprawling, crushing release following the story of a man suffering a mental breakdown in the Egyptian underworld. I don’t imagine Duat is in the top 10 places on TripAdvisor to lose your shit in, but a quick skim of Endless’ lyrics paint a picture of selfgrowth, of absolution through struggle, of breaking free from chains that hold you down v and anyone that’s just finished exams can probably relate to that in some aspect. “I would say most people have had at least one time in their life where they have had to face a daunting internal struggle alone,” Josh says. “I really tried to focus on my own experiences to make the lyrics honest and sincere. I tried to capture the emotions and feelings one goes through when faced with a life-changing tragedy or realisation.” Death metal is not a genre that is made for public consumption — and that’s okay. In today’s world of millennials, MySpace, and Pacman, it feels like popular music is single-use, churned out at an alarming rate, and thrown away when the next thing comes along. But for genres outside the “mainstream”, art is timeless, insular, made for a specific crowd, and does its best to draw in those that “get it.” “When we first started working on Endless we had one main goal, and that was to take the listener on a journey,” Josh says. “We just wanted to tell a story that would open up people’s imagination.” 23

Dying, DEAD, DECOMPOSING JENNIE-LOUISE KENDRICK

Death positivity and acceptance are growing movements as millennials begin to redefine and shuck the exorbitant death rituals of their ancestors. Jennie-Louise Kendrick explores how we are coming to terms with mortality and the dead body. No one knows the origin of the gaudy dad jokeesque proverb about the only certainties in life being birth, death and taxation; but the sentiment holds true. We celebrate birth - openly discussing the arrival of a fresh human onto the earthly plane of existence in the media. Tax, while infinitely exhausting and hideous in any form, is talked about all the time. Yet, death, dying and what happens postmortem has remained taboo topics for many years. It seems that the only people who were positive about their mortality were religious zealots, see Gloriavale: Life and Death, or those planning to end their lives. The dead body is mostly untouchable as if stroking your 24

loved oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hair or holding their hand will transfer some infectious disease or lead to some Conjuringlevel haunting. In times gone by, relatives would bathe their death, prepare and dress them for burial. In Western society, we are so uncomfortable about body autonomy and death acceptance that we are still debating euthanasia and abortion; both choices made by the individual but regulated by legislation. Who gets to die is an uncomfortable question; a decision some feel better left to a Godhead, not the body of the person involved. Death, while the endpoint for the journey of the soul and the body together, is not the worst thing to happen

to someone. Just as birth is a beautiful process not entirely understood by all those who participate, death is also a process of great beauty. It can mean the relief from suffering, perhaps the next stage in reincarnation or finally getting let into the party by Saint Peter. For the family of the dead person, the death rituals of society have become clinical and restricted. Perhaps this is due to our fear of mortality due to the intervention of modern medicine and the false notion that the deceased require embalming— drained of blood, pumped with formaldehyde, and having the orifices sewn shut. Death is expensive for the loved ones too. In 2015, it was estimated that Kiwis spent $284 million on funerals. That same year, Statistics New Zealand show 31,608 people died. Quick math reveals an average of nearly $9,000 per funeral. An expensive process for the grief-stricken, especially if already struggling with money or faced with the sudden death

of their family member. Jude Mannion, the owner of Fresh Funerals, believes that New Zealanders could half this cost by renting a coffin, waiving embalming, and DIYing catering and flower arrangements. Embalming is only necessary if families wish to view the body after a traumatic death or illness, or the deceased is being transported for burial elsewhere. It often involves grooming the body with cosmetics— Maybelline and Revlon are favourites of morticians— shaving the face and aspirating the cadaver of blood. The rate of decomposition is delayed, and the tax on the environment is substantial; when is placing any chemicals directly into the ground a good idea? According to Eco-Friendly Funerals NZ, there are three funeral directors in the Waikato and Bay of Plenty that support sustainable funeral practices: James R. Hill, Pellows, and Elliots. They can provide methods EcoFriendly Funerals NZ call ‘Gentle Care’ where limited intervention and cleaning is taken to ensure 1-2 days 25

of viewing, and a No Embalming option where only external preparations to the body are made. There are consequences of these sustainable options as the body must be buried or cremated earlier than traditional funerals, or stored in low temperatures to ensure the body doesn’t get too funky. The recently deceased is not as untouchable as we are led to believe. Many cultures express their grief by spending time with the body; Māori tangihanga involve days of loved ones singing, talking and praying with their dearly departed. According to Te Ara Encyclopedia, Māori would traditionally wrap the tūpāpaku in mats and cloaks for a farewell on the marae. The tūpāpaku would then be inhumed in shallow graves, caves or the hollows of trees. Later, bodies would be disinterred, the bones washed and scraped for further mourning rituals and the remains buried in secret plans. Now, western society dictates two acceptable ways to dispose of a dead body: cremation and burial. Evidence suggests that Neanderthals were the first human species to bury their dead intentionally. Since the discovery of a near-intact Neanderthal skeleton in a pit, now called La Bouffia Bonneval, at La Chapelle-aux-Saints in 1908, at least three dozen subsequent discoveries have been made across the European continent. These discoveries may mean that burial has been practised for at least 50,000 years 26

with Neanderthals with some scientists arguing that the sleeping position of the body and the proximity of other buried “funeral gifts” like animal bones. While wishbones from a rotisserie chicken are notoriously well-received at a wake, the other side of the argument is that these interments are being misinterpreted with researchers objecting that this does not mean any cognitive or symbolic behaviour from the ugly cave dwellers. The earliest undisputed burial dates back 100,000 years; a skeleton stained with red ochre discovered in Qafzeh, Israel. Cremation, however, is believed to date back 20,000 years with the Mungo Lady; the partially cremated remains of a female corpse found at Lake Mungo, Australia. Today, crematories incinerate bodies at 870°C-960°C in a retort, followed by passing the remains through a device that processes it into fine dust; ashes ready to be spread or kept in decorative urns. Exposure was another funeral practice that cycled through popularity. The corpse is left exposed to the elements to decompose naturally, nourishing flora and fauna. Essentially, your loved one became carrion for scavengers. Today, you can opt to have your body exposed to the elements for science at body farms, specialist research facilities that monitor decomposition and advances postmortem and forensic science. Donating your body to science can entail several things; from decaying peacefully in a

meadow, making baby medical students gag a little with your corpse, or being used as a crash test dummy to determine how high impact crashes affect organs that non-human dummies don’t have. In her first book, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes & Other Lessons from the Crematory, funeral director Caitlin Doughty told of her development from standard lipsewing mortician to death acceptance warrior; from embalming fluids to macabre yet cheerful YouTube videos. She founded The Order of the Good Death in 2011, advocating for natural burials and death acceptance; “committing to staring down your death fears - whether it be your death, the death of those you love, the pain of dying, the afterlife (or lack thereof), grief, corpses, bodily decomposition, or all of the above. Accepting that death itself is natural, but the death anxiety and terror of modern culture are not” (orderofthegooddeath.com/ about). Now, she joins several other New Age death doulas who have formed salons to provide services to families seeking alternative care. Traditional burial, gravestone and all, is unsustainable. More and more people die every day, opting to mark their final resting place. As cemeteries get increasingly full, where will we continue to put them? The idea that it is crucial to mark our final resting place after death and beyond your ability to even make sure it is carried out is somewhat narcissistic. Unless you are infamous, well-documented or a celebrity,

the need to pinpoint your skeletal remains is rather redundant if no one beyond your great grandchildren will care to visit. Traditional coffin burials present several environmental issues. The first being the inability to reuse the land on which the graves are located; the permanence of internment, especially if the person opted for afterlife add-ons like a mausoleum, is a town-planning nightmare. Bodies can’t be unearthed or removed without the legal consent of ancestors, even if they’ve been worm food since the turn of the century. The re-use of graves is an option, especially in cemeteries that house several generations of deceased family members, however, even if the original grave is deemed to no longer contain any bodily remains, the removal of their headstones, the perceived desecration of the grave and the significant legal rigmarole required make it difficult. Will the next five generations care? Perhaps they will have come up with more eco-friendly techniques of body disposal like implementing the planting trees instead of headstones. Climate change and the growing fragility of Mother Earth requires us to rethink our archaic and, frankly, excessive funeral practices or our dead will contribute to her demise with preserved cadavers and gaseous crematory emissions.

AHSIN PETER DORNAUF You can now add another art gallery to the list that has sprung up recently in Hamilton. The latest count is three. The new one is in Frankton, next door to Frankton Gallery at 10 High Street. Adjacent to the railway line, the name of the gallery, Freit, as in “freight”, thus makes a kind of sense. Last time I looked, there was a clump of pampas grass growing next to the railway track, and some enterprising person had spray-painted the white feathery flowers in the colours of the rainbow. Very arty. First out of the blocks in the new gallery space was a young, up-and-coming artist, Ahsin Ahsin, New Zealand-born Cook Islander and Wintec graduate. The best way to describe his stuff might be “funky”. It has an urban edge, albeit American, courtesy of hip-hop culture, a touch of the abstract out of the 1980’s Memphis design school, overlaid with a kind of sci-fi comic book aspect. The recent show even had a smattering of bling about it with his wooden cut-out figures wearing real cheap “gold” necklaces. You may have inadvertently seen his stuff gracing the walls of buildings around town – the old public toilets in Grey Street for starters, and the side of one of the buildings in Kent Street. His style is unmistakable and represents the quintessential mash-up; that twenty-first-century favourite involving the cross-pollination of different forms. A bit of this and a bit of that pushed together from disparate sources. This show also had stuff that was part 28

painting, part relief sculpture. Entitled, “Gucci”, it tapped right into street creed, a name that’s morphed from its origins and gone beyond the title of a luxury Italian fashion brand, to an adjective meaning chill, cool, doin’ fine. Whether all of this is an expression of a search for a counter-identity or is merely dabbling in a fusion of elements from our contemporary visual inheritance, is another question. Artist, Ji Yeon Jeong, of Korean heritage, living in New Zealand, draws directly on her inheritance when she creates her meditative abstracts, using Korean plant-based fibres (Hanji and Ramie). These delicately modulated geometric-shaped forms, arranged in a grid-like composition, provide an alternative take on the European history of the genre and expresses for the artist a spiritual dynamic that reaches back to the roots of her own traditional culture. These were showing in Tacit gallery, exhibited under the title, Te tangi a te awa, where her and others explored concerns to do with the significance of water and its purity in these islands.

Bedroom Burrito and Other Bad Tips JENNIE-LOUISE KENDRICK Talking to your parents about sex—or rather them sitting down on the edge of your bed and trying to discuss “the birds and the bees”—is every adolescent’s greatest fear. It’s awkward, probably poorly described and most likely full of misinformation. Despite reading the Kamasutra and watching some very hairy seventies era porn, most people of that generation didn’t talk so openly about sex or really want to be accurate with their obfustrate descriptions of how babies are made. Sex education classes probably weren’t much better; bar rolling a condom onto a makeshift phallus or discussing STDs, most sexual education reneges on teaching budding bangers how to make healthy relationship choices or have pleasurable, consensual sex. Perhaps I’m jaded because I went to a nondescript religious school where abortion, queerness and emotional intelligence were never discussed. I remember opening the dictionary in my year 5 class to the word ‘sex’ and not getting much information. Then, I turned to the Dolly and Cosmopolitan magazines in my older sister’s bedroom for information. Where the Oxford English Dictionary was rather scientific in their description of coitus, Cosmo was dishing out bizarre facts and advice on how to spice up your love life; advice just as sane as rubbing cumin on your genitals and calling it a day. Porn was another source of primo shagging information. While contentious and divisive, porn is undeniably one of the ways that most young people see and learn about sex. However, this column is devoted to the smutty and borderline-dangerous sexpertise readily available in your local supermarket magazine section.

From Men’s Health to Cosmopolitan, print media has pumped out some wackadoodle tips on how to improve your technique when you decide to make the beast with two backs. As previously alluded to in Lonely Tarts Club, Cosmo once printed this truly iconic maxim involving a penis and some Krispy Kreme, “Gently stick his penis through the hole then nibble around it, stopping to suck him once in a while. The sugary texture of your tongue will add an interesting new dimension”. As a firm believer in avoiding food-based play, the sugar of the doughnut, which is now on the penis and may enter a vagina, could cause a yeast infection or other imbalance within the gentle pH environment. Also, most penis-bearers tend to actively avoid having a lover bite near their phallus. How about creating a bedazzled bullseye effect on your chest? “Draw an attention-getting circle around your nipples using rhinestones and body glue for a special night in”... Karen, the nipples stand out on their own—both physically pointed and a different colour—so if your sexual partner can’t find your nipples in the first place, you both should be a little concerned. This tip is the tata equivalent of vajazzling, the worst rhinestone-based body art that nobody needs near their genitals. Men’s Health, a publication synonymous with toxic masculinity, once suggested swaddling your bedmate like a newborn: “Make a bedroom burrito. While you’re rolling around in bed, wrap her up in the sheet so she can’t do anything with her arms”. While this advice is not only weird and totally not sexy, the tip also doesn’t imply consensual bondage. The best sex is honest sex with lots of communication, and no odd allusions to Mexican food.

Here are a few tips from the Waikato District Police on how to stay safe during Disorientation Week and throughout the rest of the year: Preparing for a night out: • Make sure your phone is fully charged before you head out. • If you are planning on drinking, then it’s a good idea to have something substantial to eat before you start. • Plan how you’re getting home at the end of your night. Always take cash or an eftpos card just in case you need to pay for transport home. • Have a place to meet up if you get separated. • Have a glass of water between each alcoholic drink.

While you’re out: • Stick with friends when out and about. It’s easy to lose people in clubs so always let your friends know where you’re going. • Make sure you’re going home with the same number of people you started with. • Don’t leave your drink unattended or accept any drinks that you haven’t personally seen poured, especially from strangers. • If a friend is feeling sick, uncoordinated, confused or faint, stay with them. Don’t leave them alone. • If someone collapses and is unconscious call 111 immediately and ask for an ambulance.

If you suspect an alcohol or drug-assisted sexual assault: • Don’t shower or wash – this will help preserve any evidence. • Contact police and go to Anglesea Clinic 24/7 Accident and Emergency Centre. • Take a urine test within 24 hours, as this could prove you were drugged. • Normal reactions to a sexual assault include fear, shame, anger, frustration, panic, guilt, despair and embarrassment. Remember you are not to blame – the perpetrator is always 100 percent responsible. Rape and sexual assault are crimes. Sexual assault is any unwanted or forced sex act or behaviour that has happened without a person’s consent. A person consents to sexual activity if they do it actively, freely, voluntarily and consciously without being pressured.

Waikato Police

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Where to get help: • New Zealand Police – there are police officers specially trained to work with sexual assault situations. • Anglesea Clinic 24/7 Accident and Emergency Centre – staff are used to dealing with all types of physical assault. This centre is also the forensic medical examination centre for victims of sexual assault. For more information, visit www.police.govt.nz/advice 30

@WaikatoPolice

waikatopolice

We’ve cracked the big kahuna this time around and provided you with a glimpse into the ingenious minds behind Hockey Dad, the laidback Aussie duo taking the indie/surf rock music scene by storm. With two albums as well as tours across Australia, Europe, Canada, and the US already under their belt, we thought time was nigh for the pinnacle of their musical experience thus far to come to realisation; that is, the revered Nexus interview. NEXUS: If you could’ve had one major song that’s already been written, what would it be? HD: Gangnam style, they probably made heaps of money so you wouldn’t have to do anything else ever again. NEXUS: What sets you apart from ‘The Good Doogs’, and other Australian artists on a similar vibe? HD: Not much, I don’t know... There’s only two of us which is probably the main thing. Everything else is pretty similar; we all just do the same shit, and we’re all friends. We’re a two-piece, there’s a certain set of songs that we play, and everything else is pretty much the same. NEXUS: What’s your most memorable performance? HD: We played at the Tivoli in Brisbane for our album tour a few weeks back – that was a huge show – there were heaps of people, and it was just really memorable for me. Also, our first show in New York, that was fucking terrifying, we played like shit, but that was memorable too. NEXUS: You’ve just released Blend Inn, what’s next? HD: Just touring for the next year and a bit

probably, we’ll hopefully do some shows all over the world, then we’ll start writing the next record, put that one out then start touring again. NEXUS: If you guys weren’t currently musicians, what would you be doing? HD: Honestly I’d probably be like a brickie’s labourer or something. I’m not good at anything else, I’m not good at this, but I’m not good at anything else either. I’d have a shit job, and I’d be really depressed. NEXUS: Did this all just start off as a hobby? HD: Pretty much, yeah. A hobby throughout high school and then we didn’t want to get a job, so we kept playing, and now, we still don’t have to get one yet. NEXUS: What music are you listening to while you’re touring? HD: We’ve just been watching Seinfeld on the road, Ryan’s got his laptop, and we’ve just been doing Seinfeld marathons. Other than that, we’ve been listening to The Gardens new record which is really good, some Parquet Courts, some Rolling Stones, yeah.

Static • • • •

Likes the idea of vintage clothes but refuses to wear anything second-hand Can only reach climax thinking about their ex Struggles to make it through a conversation without mentioning serotonin Drink of choice: Nitro – Lemon Arctic Rush (pre town)

Casino • • • •

Known for pissing the bed after a standard night out Still brags about high school sporting achievements Refers to dress shoes as ‘c*nt hunters’ Drink of choice: Lion Red – Preferably from a crate

The Bank • • • •

Stuck at a 21st for someone they couldn’t care less about Tells everyone how good they look in the hope that someone reciprocates “Reckon the bar tab is still on?” Drink of choice: Heavily discounted vodka cranberry

The Factory • • • •

Reputation for peaking during pre-drinks and never making it to town Buys a scalped R&V ticket on New Year’s Eve Suffers from two day hangovers Drink of choice: “Do you guys have long whites?”

The Hut

The Hood

•

• • •

Crippling dependency on Matoma remixes Definitely should’ve graduated by now Hasn’t been to town in quite some time and struggles to relate to the youth Drink of choice: The free ones occasionally given out as you entered

Little George • • • •

Considered joining a male pattern baldness support group “Yeah, I’ve been back on that Mac DeMarco buzz aye” Destined to live with their parents Drink of choice: IPA – comments on the malt backbone and lingering bitterness

• • •

Competed in a Krump battle on year 7 school camp Hopes to one day experience upstairs Always willing to go head on and break ‘em wit a lil’ preview of the remix Drink of choice: Smirnoff Double Black – two at a time

Wongs Kitchen • • • •

Vegetarian when sober Shattered phone resembles their chance at a summer bod Greasy fingers Drink of choice: 355ml Pepsi Max as part of the $12 combo

Each week we’ll be highlighting the filthiest, scummiest, and occasionally some of the loveliest student flats. At the end of each semester we’ll be providing one of the featured households with $200 to spend on whatever they need most. It could be a keg party, a shitload of food or just a chunk off your rent, either way if you’re keen to be featured flick an email to editor@nexusmag.co.nz.

Tralee Trailer Park

Kicking off Semester B, we’ve got a household which can only be described as chaotic—and maybe a little musty. Coming straight out of Student Village, this diverse group of academics came into their element; claiming to have polished off approximately 27 bottles of straights in the process. Tralee Trailer Park teaches us that to some people, there really isn’t much more to life than getting appropriately ruined at every opportunity.

She’s known for being overly fussy and a little too picky when it comes to boys, though sadly ends up picking the wrong one each time. He’s an athletic exchange student who’s here to get a taste of real rugby, and hopefully meet some gorgeous locals. HE SAID:

SHE SAID:

I had no idea what to expect, so here was my game plan: eat a hearty meal before so I could put my half of the bar tab towards drinks… and let the alcohol do the talking. I had a friend drop me off at the House on Hood five minutes beforehand so I wasn’t too early. She ended up being there first, which meant that I clearly made the cooler arrival. The part I was most nervous about was what to do when I first got to the table. Would we hug? Would we just say hi? Since she was already sitting, I was running through the awkward options in my head as I walked up. Turns out, she was super bubbly and sweet, so we just hugged and everything continued smoothly. We had some good chat going about random first date stuff. Then it came time to order some food and drinks. She orders a lamb shank, I order a burger and fries, then we continue to talk about what we do, where we’re from, etc. We added each other on Snapchat and split a dessert to try to eat up the bar tab. Even though she was taller than me (which I noticed when we got up to leave), I think I killed it. 10/10, would definitely do it again.

From a random drunk idea and peer pressure from my other drunk friend, I sent through an application for the blind date. I fully forgot about it and when I was texted the details to go on the blind date I was like “omg do I go?!” I ended up finding cover at work and thought ‘fuck it I’ll go!!’ I arrived early, maybe 10 mins, I wanted to be there first so I could prepare myself lolllll. When he got there I could tell he was nervous tbh, I was too, but after ordering drinks we started talking and actually hit it off. Awesome conversation, just all round a good/good looking lad ! He was from another country so we had plenty of things to talk about. We ordered food I ate some of his fries then we got desert which we shared awww how cute ;) We added each other on Snapchat and we had a streak going but he lost it, smh. For my first blind date experience, it was really good. I’m so glad I took the guts to go because I have met such a cool guy! The night in whole was so good I really can’t think of anything bad at all! Definitely second date worthy tbh xx

Brought to you by House on Hood Street. If you’re keen for a Blind Date, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Cancer (June 21-July 22) Your bed will soon be graced by an unexpected lover. Though to avoid scaring them off straight away, it’s advised to ease off on the postcoital sobbing – there are more ideal waterworks to end an evening with. Leo (July 23-Aug 22) A new semester brings forth a fresh start, along with fresh faces for in-class distraction. Don’t get your hopes up – you’re a little too greasy to ever be a distraction for others. Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22) You’ve been on your high horse for far too long. How you became deluded enough to think you have any right to be over-critical of others is a mystery to us all. Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22) Your language is rather atrocious. How are you meant to find a pure Christian lover if you can’t form a sentence without such naughty words? Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21) The presence of Pluto highlights the acceptance of truth. They’re your ex for a reason, hitting them up to see ‘how they’ve been’ just reassures that you’re a clingy little bitch who can’t take no for an answer. Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21) There’s no escaping the gaze of the celestial eye. The past few months have seen some questionable decisions on your part, as punishment, you’ll experience a somewhat sluggish metabolism. Prepare for the development of an additional chin. 38

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) Humour may be your go-to, but everything has its limitations. Perhaps a display of genuine human emotion could lead to a meaningful relationship for once. Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) Choosing to be an independent individual, these holidays saw you float between social circles. However, said roaming might have led to a substantial lack of independence in the foreseeable future, our current calculations are showing 1 + 1 = 3. Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20) Your playful nature ensures you keep things interesting, though everything needs moderation. Abruptly ending a relationship goes a little beyond playing hard to get. Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19) Jupiter illuminates your zodiac, igniting an inner fire and sparking a desire for greatness. It’s a shame all you’ll ever do is talk about everything you want to achieve rather than ever making a constructive personal change. Taurus (Apr 20-May 20) It’s time to lay off on the sweeping generalisations. At least one of the 53 people who told you they “might fail this one ay”, are still considering whether or not they should bother to re-enrol. Gemini (May 21-June 20) Youth and wit will combine for you to establish new social status; just make sure to rein in those superficial and backstabbing tendencies before you lose your place entirely.

Keen for some free Burgerfuel? Simply snap us the shitfest of your student lifestyle for the chance to win. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve accidentally sent us something you shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have, just email editor@nexusmag.co.nz with all the details. Prizes can be claimed from reception in the SUB (between Unimart and the gym). 39

Puzzles

CODE CRACKER 20

These are some people who just don't look that much like Shania Twain. Karen Gillan Judy Greer John Cho Cole Sprouse Lee Pace

EASY SUDOKU

4 9

5 4 3

11 10

9 9

7 9

11 17

3 16

5 16

19 2

= 27

= 20

−

= -4

DIFFICULT SUDOKU

2 1

3 8

5 9

1 4

6 5

8 7

2 8

3 3 5

1 5

4 20

25 19

21 8

(

ALGE-BRUH

7 3

2 20

8 1

A B C D E F G H I J KL M N O P Q R STUVWXYZ

1 8

2 9

(

MEDIUM SUDOKU

8 4

THEME:

Mindy Kaling Jake Johnson Hugh Dancy Janelle Monae Karl Urban

WORDFIND

Liam Hemsworth Jason Momoa Zoe Kravitz Adam Driver Elle Fanning

6 9

8 7

2 4

8 5

t a k o o l t s u j , w o W . " t e s n u s " that SIMPLE PUZZLES FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE

isn't it magical??????

CROSSWORD 1

ALGE-BRUH ANSWERS: 8

12 13

18 19

23 24

LAST WEEKâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ANSWERS:

WORD TWIST

= 200

ACROSS:

DOWN:

1. Consigns (8) 4. Upkeep (4) 8. Majestic (5) 10. Young swans (7) 11. Svelte (7) 12. Short letter (4) 14. Musical interval of eight tones (6) 16. Plant fibre (6) 19. Long narrative poem (4) 21. Kind of nonfictional prose (7) 24. Nonattendance (7) 25. Sound (5) 26. Large woody plant (4) 27. Mental state induced by suggestion (8)

11. Ridicule (8) 2. Still legally acceptable (5) 3. An extreme attainment (6) 5. Alarm (5) 6. Facilitate (4) 7. Order of business (6) 9. Outstanding (5) 13. Famished (8) 15. Empty (6) 17. Confronted (5) 18. Seldom (6) 20. Ski run (5) 22. Public transport (5) 23. Immense (4)