We’ve got $200 to give away to the quaintest of residences, the scungiest of shitboxes, and the plushest of abodes. To apply, either email editor@nexusmag.co.nz or just flick us a message on Facebook.
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Editorial FOMO Easy News News Entertainment Reviews This vs. That Yam & Troy the Science Boys Centrefold
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The Crowd Goes Mild: Snow-reotypes Random Audit: ANTHY102-18B: Pass the Aux Lonely Tarts Club How to Fix Everything Auteur House Full Exposure: Bree & Clint RTD Review Waikat’ Flats Blind Date Horoscopes Snapped Puzzles
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Issue 16, 30th July – 3rd August 2018 Editor: Lyam Buchanan editor@nexusmag.co.nz Design: Vincent Owen design@nexusmag.co.nz Managing Editor: James Raffan james@wsu.org.nz Sub Editor: Jennie-Louise Kendrick jen@nexusmag.co.nz Deputy Editor: Grace Mitchell grace@nexusmag.co.nz
Contributors: Conor Maxwell, CJ Lee, Rooster O’Mannin, Nicola Smith, Kim Sare, Troy Anderson, Cameron McRobie, Jacqui Swney, Jared Ipsen, Richard Swainson, and the residents of the Nursing Home Cover Photography: Daniel Martin Instagram: @danxmartin Online: danxmartin.com Centrefold: Will Harvey Instagram: @w.harvey Online: www.will-harvey.com
News Editor: Alexander Nebesky alex@nexusmag.co.nz
Horoscope Illustrations: Josh Nelson Instagram: @joshprobably Twitter: @joshDrawbably
Reviews Editor: Archie Porter reviews@nexusmag.co.nz
Podcast Editor: Caleb Bird Instagram: @biobirdnz
Mature Students Aren’t the Problem, Mature Lecturers Are Someone being “stuck in their way” is an all too typical tale – just because you’re accustomed to doing something a particular way doesn’t justify never changing. You’d hope that, by this point, academic staff would be in tune with modern methods of teaching. It’s completely understandable to not know how to use certain technology, but blatantly refusing to learn or adapt is just ignorant. The obvious example is Panopto. Countless lecturers across the University refuse to record their lectures with the bullshit excuse that it discourages people from coming to class. While there’s no doubt that students are less likely to attend lectures if they can watch it in their own time, what’s the point of putting those who can’t participate at a disadvantage because you’d rather have a “traditional” teaching experience with those who can? I can’t recall how many times I’ve heard a lecturer complain that “everyone says they’ll catch up on Panopto, but they never do”. Why does that matter? If someone is choosing not to come to class, not to catch up on lectures, and makes no effort to rectify it, they obviously couldn’t care less about what you’re attempting to teach. I struggle to see what’s wrong with letting students scrape through University on the bare minimum if they’re still paying to be here. This leads to the general use of digital devices in class. Once again, countless complaints are made regarding students’ use of mobile phones and laptops in lecture theatres. Certain lecturers involved with third-year digital marketing papers have even gone as far as to ban the use of digital devices completely – get fucked. Tertiary education isn’t some spoon-fed extension of high school; let people make their own decisions and learn from their own mistakes. What good would it be to eventually gain employment and still expect your hand to be continuously held? Lecturers need to realise they are in a service industry. Make your product engaging—sure—but don’t try and limit my access to it or define how I use the service. If a taxi company were only driving in one direction because it liked the views, it would go out of business. Either evolve or become irrelevant, those who refuse will find themselves phased out quicker than they expect.
– Lyam 1
Super 10 Kapa Haka Competition | Entries ASAP
The Super 10 Kapa Haka Competition is back for 2018! We are looking for teams of 8-10 people to compete September 7. First place prize is $1000, and second place takes away $200. Each kapa haka group must contain at least two current University of Waikato students, and 50% of the participants must be current students or alumni. This year’s theme is a pivotal moment in history – kei a koutou te tikanga! Register your interest now through the WSU Facebook page or for any further pātai, email Nathan at vpmaori@wsu.org.nz. Mauri ora!
Show Me the Money
The University offers hundreds of scholarships each year! Keep an eye on our Scholarships Finder to see if there’s a one for you. Visit waikato.ac.nz/scholarships/ for more details.
Meet Your Future Employer on Campus
We have lots of employer visits coming up – this could be your opportunity to meet your future boss and find out how you can score your dream job. Visit MyCareer for details: waikato.ac.nz/students/careers/
Want a Career in Psychology?
Members of the New Zealand Defence Force are coming to Hamilton to talk to psychology students on August 1, 5.15 – 6 pm in S.G.02. You’ll find out about the opportunities available to psychology students within the Defence Force. Register with MyCareer: waikato.ac.nz/students/careers/
Get Job-Ready!
Join us for Student Job-Ready Day next month to supercharge your job search, find out what employers are looking for, and discover what life is like in the workplace. August 21, 9 am – 1 pm in S.1.04.
Living the Change
If you’d like to hear inspiring stories for a sustainable future, come a long to a free screening of Living the Change. August 7, 5.30 – 8 pm in MSB.1.36.
Know a Top Student in Sport or the Arts?
The Blues Awards recognise our top students in sport and the creative and performing arts. If you or someone you know has achieved at a regional, national or international level, nominate today. Application forms and criteria are available online at waikato.ac.nz/events/blues 3
News. Te Reo Phrase of the Week
Tinihanga kore, utua mō te haerenga ki tāone i tēnei wā. Kei ahau i a koe hei tērā wiki. Honest. Pay for the ride to town this time. I got you next week.
Weekly Recap
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the age of a Christchurch woman who took insulating her house into her own hands. Lynda McKenzie resorted to DIY after her local council failed to do so after two years of promises.
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child pornography images were found on ex-Canterbury cricketer Harley James’ computer, over half of which were assessed to be “at the worst level of child sexual abuse”.
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A piece of legislation has come before the House of Lords which would allow law enforcement bodies in the UK greater freedom to work with children. The legislation would extend the maximum working period for a child in law enforcement from one month to four months. Currently, children are employed to gather information on gangs in the UK as “Covert Human Intelligence Sources”. Some dickheads in Canada made weed into a beer. Canopy Growth has successfully brewed a 0% alcohol beer out of the roots and stems of cannabis plants. It is also gluten-free, and the THC, at 6.5mg, is hoped to pack about the same punch as a standard drink. Acting Prime Minister Winston Peters has blamed tobacco prices for an increase in dairy robberies. The Acting PM, who only quit smoking last year, believes a world in which the rich, smooth taste of Camel will set you back $28 is a world in which dairy robberies are rife. Of the $2 billion collected in tobacco excise tax, only 3% is used by the Government for smoking minimisation. Google has been hella cucking Android, and the EU has caught them with their pants down. Basically, Google is just like, unfairly promoting its products in its search engine so their stuff will always come up instead of Android stuff, even on Android phones, if you’re using their search engine. The EU has slapped Google with a fine of £3.8 billion, the most substantial fine ever handed out to a company by the EU.
metal plates and 12 stitches were used to repair Bodhi Garvin after he was hit by a speedboat while diving in Northland’s Ti Point.
8 hours
is the extent of the training that police receive regarding mental health.
98:
the number of mental health-related incidents, including suicide threats or attempts, that the NZ Police are called to every 24 hours.
$250,000:
the amount Survivor NZ’s Tara Thorowgood walked away from after realising she couldn’t take that much money from people who she thought needed it more than her.
NEWS
Fake News
“He used to sleep rough, now Ed Sheeran has won permission to install ‘anti-homeless’ rails outside his house.”
Natalie Edwards of the UK’s questionable tabloid, The Sun, reported that Ed Sheeran was now not a fan of homeless folk. Mr Sheeran promptly followed up, referring to the story as ‘bollocks’, and stating the four foot high railings were to instead provide security from the pesky paparazzi.
From the Archive
Tech of the Week Boosted Stealth
Electric skateboards might not be the most practical of inventions, but American manufacturers Boosted are creating boards advanced enough to tempt the most diehard of traditional skaters. With a max speed close to 38 kph, and the ability to travel 22 km on a single charge, these boards are sure to ease the arduous journey to class and back. Why should you buy this? • Minimising physical exertion is always a bonus. Why shouldn’t you buy this? • It’ll set you back around $2600.
Nexus Magazine – 1991 5
NEWS
The Bay of Plentiful Developments LYAM BUCHANAN After accepting that Tauranga students do, in fact, exist and aren’t just a range of online bots built to spam the WSU Facebook page with comments like “what about Tauranga??”, it was about time to get up to date with their upcoming fancy new campus. We caught up with someone we assume to be an expert on all things Mount Maunganui adjacent, Senior Deputy Vice-Chancellor Alister Jones, to get the lowdown on recent developments. NEXUS: Can you give us a quick rundown of everything happening with the construction of the new campus? AJ: The building is progressing really well—it will be open for the first semester in 2019—most of the external structure is now in place, and they’re starting the internal 6
work. We’re currently looking at timetabling and supporting the general infrastructure for students. All the new programs have been approved, and we’re looking at transferring staff and students from the other campuses, and getting ready to take new students into whole degree programs starting next year. NEXUS: What compromises are being made to ensure the quality of teaching is equal across both campuses? AJ: This new building will be a state-of-the-art learning facility, along with strong social learning spaces. It’ll be more innovative than what we’ve got on the Hamilton campus. The teaching technologies will be of the highest standard, along with the learning environments, the types of lecture
theatres, social learning spaces— Now that we’ll have our own campus, we’ll be able to do things to benefit our own students, so I don’t think we’ll be compromising at all. Obviously, if lectures are being streamed, they’ll be of much higher quality; they’ll be our own network, not a shared network. We’ll be taking responsibility of the delivery of the programs there. NEXUS: Hypothetically, if a student was taking a paper in Waikato, and someone was taking the same in Tauranga, would they be getting the exact same experience? AJ: One will have a smaller class, obviously in Tauranga, but it’ll be the same lecturer where possible, and they may be getting it video-streamed, but they’ll be getting tutorials and those things
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[in Tauranga], so it’ll be of the same quality. That’s part of what we’re trying to achieve, is making sure that we’ve got the highest quality in both places. NEXUS: Are UoW students in Tauranga paying the same amount for their SSL as Hamilton students and are they getting enough out of their SSL? AJ: They will next year. Student Services and the Student Union have worked together to make sure we will get the right delivery of services for our Tauranga students. It’s an exciting development trying to manage health services, counselling services, as well as sports and clubs. Obviously, we don’t have the same number of clubs, but we’re working to ensure, with the local community, that students will be able to maximise
what they’re getting for their Student Services Levy. Being on our own campus allows us to do that much more effectively. NEXUS: Will Tauranga have their own version of an O-Week? AJ: I think so, that’s what we’re working on. So we’ll be working on what that looks like, some of them may want to come across to some of the events, but absolutely, it’ll depend on whether the building is open. We’re trying to ensure that that is the case. NEXUS: Tauranga students are known to be quite vocal on student media, continually questioning what their equivalent of each Hamilton campus event will be, or simply commenting “what about Tauranga?” What is the UoW doing to make students in the Bay of Plenty feel more included in the
culture of our University? AJ: I think one of the things is that having our own campus means that we will have all the staff in one place, the students will all be in one place, and they should be vocal and have expectations of what we should be delivering on. I’d encourage them to be vocal. Taking control of our own space will make a huge difference to students, and if it’s not of the right quality or meeting their expectations, I expect to hear about it. NEXUS: Does this mean both the Windermere and Bongard campuses will no longer exist? AJ: They’ll exist for Bay of Plenty students but in the main, our students will be in Durham St, with maybe some overflow into Bongard, but the expectation is the centralisation of our services. 7
NEWS
Flags, Fakes and Victoria University A News Commentary JAMES RAFFAN Acting Prime Minister Winston Peters wants Australia to change their flag – and the reason seems to be “fuck them, we had it first.” What a difference three years makes. It doesn’t seem all that long ago that we threw $25 million into a referendum to ultimately not change our own flag. At the time, Prime Minister John Key’s logic mainly centred around the fact that we kept getting mistaken for Australia and it was embarrassing, and that he wanted to make New Zealand more unique on the world stage. Fortunately, after the better part of 40 years in public service, our current Acting Prime Minister doesn’t give a shit and is more inclined to call shotgun on our national identity. It’s both refreshing and a sure sign that Winston has nothing to lose in his tenure as New Zealand’s most fun substitute teacher. Not only is he calling on Australia to change their flag, but he and Andrew Little (another whose political aspirations are firmly in the rearview mirror) 8
are suggesting that we should stop being trans-Tasman BFFs due to Australia’s pretty crappy record when it comes to basic human decency. Reading this, I couldn’t help feeling a slight swell of patriotism. But it also made me reflect on the sad tale of Victoria University and its complete lack of imagination. Victoria Vice-Chancellor Professor Grant Guilford recently suggested that Victoria University would seek to change their name soon, and it is a move I was almost on board with. Changing the name of a tertiary institution because it is a symbol of colonialism, or you are just anti-monarchy is something I can get behind. Were it up to me, and it never should be, I would commission a new all te reo national anthem that doesn’t go all in on divine protection for a country growing more atheist by the day. However, the name change is being proposed on the basis that the Wellington-based university is confused with Victoria University in Melbourne. I have unfortunately spent a lot of time in Wellington,
and if anything, Melbourne should want to change its name to avoid its association with the kiwi campus. Take a second and think about how this would work in your life. Let’s say you shared a name and were often confused with someone more successful, better-looking and richer than you. I mean, that must really suck for Wellington – everyone thinking they are more prestigious, and innovative than they actually are. It’s frustrating that students are coming out of university unprepared for the world—no basic Universal income, high suicide rates, crumbling support structures—and universities are more concerned with EFTS and profitability than they are producing the thought leaders and innovators of tomorrow. Before we think about fixing that, we should make it less awkward for Professor Guilford to talk about his campus at conference cocktail mixers. Perhaps, that’s a little harsh. I think Professor Guilford and I may have gotten off on the wrong foot. So, let me finish by offering some
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unsolicited advice to solve this pressing issue. The way I see it, you have three options: • Go full Winston – don’t just ask Victoria University Melbourne to change its name, demand that Victoria Universities in Australia and Canada change their name too, as well as the state of Victoria, Victoria Falls, and the Exponents’ 1983 hit song. It’s your birthright! • Lean into it – any research requests you mistakenly get, any time someone talks to you about the Australian summer—own all of it. A savvy businessman might copy their prospectus completely. In fact, in the course of my own work here, I have read the Melbourne Student Magazine Farrago many times, and I would suggest you could just put it in your stands as is. Surely, it has just as much to do with the day-to-day life of the average Wellington student as Salient does. • Take a deep breath, count to ten and get on with your fucking day – work on being the best university in the country, create better wellness pathways for students, make studying a meaningful and engaging experience for students, staff, and the wider community. When they talk about how great Victoria is, you won’t have to wonder if they are talking about another institution. Guilford, if you must change the name then go with the earlier suggestion of Te Herenga Waka. The mooring post of wakas sounds pretty cool.
Cock Throws Cluckin’ Foul Play Before Winging It After Running Afowl of Egg-thority ROOSTER O’MANNIN (CRITIC MAGAZINE) The Friday before last, a naked man wearing a mask ran into a [University of Otago] firstyear health science lecture and threw a live rooster into the seats before running out. The lecturer tried to remove the rooster, but according to one student, the rooster “wasn’t having any of it, so she just left it there and continued with the lecture”. “Mostly I just felt bad for the rooster; it was terrified, and it shat all over the seat.” Another student, who was watching the live stream from a different lecture theatre, provided a more descriptive account of the situation. ‘”Hen!! Hen!!” screamed our lecturer. “Everybody stay calm... there’s a chicken in our lecture theatre!!”’ Apparently, the person videoing the lecture was panning in and out and following the rooster to capture
the action, even while the lecturer was attempting to continue with her slides. The lecturer eventually called Campus Watch, who chased the rooster down in a ferocious display of dominance and removed it from the lecture theatre. A University spokesperson told Critic Magazine that Campus Watch ‘Initially placed it [the rooster] in a cardboard box. A safe, permanent home was found for it via a staff member later that day.’ When the University of Otago was asked if they condone the throwing of live animals into busy lectures, they told us to “please refer to the Code of Conduct”. The naked man has not yet been caught, but the Proctor’s office is “working on it”. Critic Magazine did not contact the Animal Ethics Board for comment because we didn’t want to. 9
NEWS
Reo Tauira
How the WSU Uses the Student Voice For a lot of people, the phrase ‘reo tauria’ is one we won’t have heard before. Literally translated, it means “the student voice”, but that is seemingly a little cliché and overused. Every time the class reps want to do something, it is because they are the student’s voice, Nexus continually proclaims that we are the student’s voice and the Vice-Chancellor will tell you that he is listening to the voice of the students which, given the time of day, could be anything ranging from Candra to an assistant to the assistant-assistant Deputy ViceChancellor’s 18-year old niece. With everyone claiming to be “the student voice”, what makes the WSU or Reo Tauira different? If you ask WSU President Candra Pullon, the difference is pronounced and pretty obvious. ‘I think the “s” apostrophe at the end of Students’ Union is probably the key difference. I know that sounds weird, but the WSU exists to listen to all students, not just the ones that agree with any 10
particular initiative. ‘Because of that, Reo Tauira is about capturing what students think, not getting them to endorse a particular view. We know that students aren’t a monolith—all thinking the same thing or viewing the world, in the same way, all the time—and that is why it was important to build a structure that could cater for regular and consistent consultation.’ Said structure consists of several consultation projects all tied together under the Reo Tauira banner, designed to disseminate as much information as possible to as many people as possible. ‘If you look at something like Conversation Station, it is designed to do something very different to the focus groups. For instance, with our latest project—new consultation on student services levy—we will be doing Conversation Station for the reaction, but Reo Tauira focus groups for the more in-depth drawdown. ‘Focus groups are where key
stakeholders like club presidents and students would sit down and discuss each issue to get to the way we can improve or develop something.’ Reo Tauira in Hamilton will next occur August 1, with Tauranga campus sessions every Tuesday. ‘We ask clubs for feedback, we run surveys, we get people out there to do vox-pops, and we put email addresses in the HUB with all the information on the project, so students are completely up to date.’ Candra added that they occasionally incentivise feedback with movie tickets or grocery vouchers for surveys—but never based on what someone says. ‘We want to make sure we aren’t just rewarding people for saying something we might agree with.’ The next Reo Tauira focus group is at 1 pm, August 1, in Guru Phabiens (SUB). If you would like to participate, email consultation@ wsu.org.nz
Talk Shit w. Maddy Pit New episodes on soundcloud.com/nexusmag
Crush of the Week: The Outdoors Y’know that place between uni, your flat, work, your mate’s flat, and town? That often greenish area they show on movies, with all the trees and oxygen and shit? Turns out that getting fresh air isn’t just a saying; it’s actually a beneficial thing. Sure, it can be a bit chilly around this time of year, but we all probably need to be getting out about ten times more than any of us are. Put down the tech and get some sun (or just a lot of cloud… absorb whatever the day brings forth).
Clickbait Moodboard: Theme: Intentionally fucking up your friends’ lives for comedy.
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What’s Hot: •
Everything about the music scene of the early 2000s
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Being hit up on Grindr by someone in Dunedin Thou prince has searched far and wide
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Bidding on TradeMe to win a lunch with Judy Bailey
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‘Cruel - Rap Version’ by Dane Rumble
What’s Not: •
Plebs crashing your wholesome potluck dinner
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Accidentally implying that you’re dating after four dates…
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Trying to nip the last park at Uni when it’s tighter than your grandma’s crossstitching
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The weekly hot list for Love Island... BORING
TOP 10:
Friendly Intersection Dwelling Windscreen Washer Invests in Paywave
After months of struggling to obtain the spare change of vehicle owners, 37-year-old entrepreneur Darren decided to move with the times by installing a touch-and-go payment system. ‘Once I lock in eye contact, I know I’ll get at least 3-4 bucks.’
Refusing to Use the Pub Urinal a Clear Sign of SelfConfidence
‘I’m just not a fan of the splashback aye, I reckon cubicles are more hygienic.’ Slightly-aboveaverage bloke desperately attempts to justify stagefright in front of phallically-empowered companions.
Tagging Yourself in Facebook Posts Recognised as Peak of Comedy
After commenting “Amy Kent” on a completely relatable, post-ironic, meta-social media post, Amy Kent eagerly awaited validation from her vast online following. ‘I honestly don’t know why I haven’t already been tagged.’
Ways Beggars Could Brush up Their Act and Work in Unison with Local Shop Owners
Beggars are back in the spotlight thanks to the bastion of journalistic ethics that is the Waikato Times—highlighting that people begging for money or compassion on Grey St is really bad for business. We thought we’d help out the homeless with our top ten tips for cleaning up their act. 1. Top hats: nobody will refuse someone asking for basic human decency if that person has a large hat. Monocle optional. 2. Would it kill them to shower and change their clothes? 3. Stop wanting cigarettes: we can’t keep spending money on addictive vices you’ve had since you started living rough as a way to cope with stress, so stop asking me for cigarettes every time I leave the pub at 2 am. 4. Find your niche: every beggar is homeless or unemployed because of a number of personal and societal failures that are endemic. Speaking exclusively in movie quotes is sure to win you a few ten cent coins. 5. Surely they could just apply for a job? 6. Create employment: Maybe you could shine shoes of the old white people currently complaining about you—I’m sure it would take them back to a simpler time. 7. Have we tried prayer?? 8. Maybe they should deal with their own problems and just ask their parents to lend them a bit of money until they get on their feet. 9. Why didn’t they just make better life choices leading to this point? 10. This might be a novel approach but what about a consistent, cross-party plan to provide a better standard of living, employment or maybe just a fucking roof over someone’s head so they can sleep at night without wondering if their very existence is too burdensome for someone crossing the street to spend $25 on two poached eggs on sourdough.
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LUSH – SNAIL MAIL REVIEW: ARCHIE PORTER
ZERO ESCAPE: NINE HOURS, NINE PERSONS, NINE DOORS REVIEW: CONOR MAXWELL
Lush is the debut full-length album from Lindsay Jordan, under the pseudonym Snail Mail. Released by Matador, the record is a solid first effort from an artist that has a lot of potential. However, the majority of Lush feels like mere background music – not unpleasant to listen to, but almost instantly forgettable. The album opens with a pointless ‘Intro’, in which Jordan’s strangely distorted vocals croon over a bland and forgettable guitar melody. After this, the album picks up as the tracks ‘Pristine’, ‘Speaking Terms’, and ‘Heat Wave’ provide some clean cuts of indie-rock that are likely to perk your ears if you’re that way inclined. After the strength of this first portion, the album slowly deteriorates into a mesh of indistinguishable songs, all of which essentially follow the same formulaic chord progressions and whiny, melancholy vocals. The second to last track, ‘Deep Sea’, a slow-building, sombre interlude amid the humdrum mundanity of the other songs, makes an attempt at switching things up but ultimately falls short, providing nothing particularly fresh or intriguing. Perhaps the records biggest drawback, everything in Lush feels extremely derivative; nothing here is essential-listening, none of it attempts to push the genre or medium forward, it simply apes other works. Of course, given Jordan’s young age and the fact that this is her first proper album, that’d be asking a bit much. But, while it’s not particularly bad, this is the same old teenage indie-rock you’ve heard a million times before.
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Five years after the release of Saw comes the first game in the Zero Escape trilogy; a series that was likely heavily inspired by Saw and its commercial success. In Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors, nine people (funny, that) find themselves held captive on a replica of the Titanic by a masked tyrant known as Zero, and tasked with working together to find and escape through a door with a nine on it before the giant ship sinks. Each character is given a number from one to nine, and playing as Junpei, also known as person number five, you alternate between room escape puzzles and visual novel sections as you navigate your choice of the eight doors that will ideally lead you to the way out. I’ve completed three of the six possible endings so far, and I’m not certain I’d recommend this game. The characters are mysterious and interesting and most of the puzzles are interesting, but having to start the game from scratch after every playthrough just to get murdered at the end because you picked the wrong doors or didn’t find the right items is an exercise in human suffering. Plus, person number two (nicknamed Snake) is infinitely cooler than I am despite being old and blind, so I find this game offensive and intimidating.
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Album HIVE MIND – THE INTERNET “An irresistible haze of swooning R&B” – Definitely worth a peep.
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Space Laces, the sought-after dubstep heavyweight and producer featured on the legendary track ‘Throwing Elbows’, dropped the Overdrive EP on June 5. Prior to release, Getter has also been teasing that his last heavy song will be on this EP. Overdrive is a six-song EP consisting of one feature (Getter) and one remix by IVORY. The album begins with the track ‘Overdrive’, an instant banger with its unique and screechy basses – praise be Space Laces’ sound design – and is easily one of my favourite tracks on the EP. Next up is an angry house track titled ‘Kaiju’, reminiscent of the high-powered electro house of 2014. The song samples the classic Godzilla theme coupled with, of course, a large serving of Space Laces’ signature wubs. The third track was the song Getter had been teasing. Titled ‘Choppaz’, Getter certainly did not slack on the intro of the song, bringing in that sinister Ghostemane-type trap beat, before Space Laces completely obliterates the drop. 10/10 riot-inducing. The EP then goes into a much tamer but wet and wonky track: ‘Cheeseburger’. This was followed by ‘Torque’; the first single from the EP that features wubs similar to that of ‘Overdrive’ – an encore of ‘Overdrive’ if you will. The EP ends with IVORY’s remix of ‘Cruise Control’ which, when compared to the original, sounds more elegant in a controlled-chaos type of way. This is an interesting take on the original but, when compared to the energy of the whole EP, just doesn’t quite fit in. All in all, though, Overdrive is a fire EP – expect to hear songs on here in your favourite DJ’s sets.
Single SUMMER PACK – CHILDISH GAMBINO What you’d expect to hear at a pool if the guy who wears a rash shirt brought a UE boom.
Album LOVE MONSTER – AMY SHARK A seemingly desperate attempt to continue riding off the success of ‘Adore’.
Single HOLLYWOOD ANGEL – SACHI Everything you’d expect, though now with a vague Warehouse Stationery aesthetic. 15
Automatic Manual cars – who needs them? All that extra effort to get from one place to another when you could just put your foot on one peddle and do the same damn job. Really, all that is necessary is to shift from ‘park’ to ‘drive’ and you’re off and away! Everyone knows a car enthusiast; you can spot them from a bloody mile away. We all know the sound of the late night skids through our glorious Hamilton East streets, although the appreciation of such acts is reserved for only a certain kind of Waikato locals. Instead of being that person who gets the attention of their entire neighbourhood by stalling while attempting to seem cool, why can’t we all just admit that automatic cars are a much better method of transport? We get it, you like feeling like you’re some kind of impressive race-car driver, but Knighton Road is not really the most remarkable place for you to display the skills you think you possess. The creation of taxis is miraculous, to say the least. Not only do these services allow you to sit back, relax and get from A to B in exchange for a small fee and some typical shit chat, but you can be 16
absolutely shit pissed and still manage to get to your mate’s place without getting hypothermia. On top of all this, we’ve already got self-driving cars in the works – why learn to drive a manual when you barely have to drive yourself? As Hamilton is basically just a suburb of Auckland now, I’m sure we’re all familiar with the concept of traffic. Now, a manual car and traffic of any kind do not make for a great relationship. Managing the delicate balance between the clutch, accelerating, and changing gears is a skill at the best of times, and one many of us lack the patience to learn, let alone master. Add traffic into the mix, and you find yourself in a bit of a predicament. While you may think that car full of teenagers next to you see you as super cool and really talented for driving a manual, they’re probably more concerned about what Drake song to play next. It’s 2018, and automatic cars have been making our lives easier for quite some time now. It’s time we all agree that automatics are more convenient, more effective, and just generally better than manuals, and call it a day.
Manual There’s really only one way to describe the difference between manual and automatic: you either drive the car, or you don’t. Your vehicle may physically be in motion and showing all the usual signs of car function, but are you really driving the nature and force of your powerful steed? Automatic vehicles define the laziness, obesity, lack of originality and of motivation which parades our society, much like how TV is for people who are too lazy to read, or how those egg slicer doohickeys are for people who are too lazy to cut their eggs into thin, equal strips (disgusting, the lot of you). Driving is just too easy these days, like, where’s the challenge? People who drive manuals are totally smart, practical chaps and lasses who can handle fuckin’ anything. They’re the kind of people you’d want around when your tyre goes flat, or your radiator overheats because they know what that means, what bits and bobs should go where, and may have an understanding of how the fuck a car actually works. If your pipes block up and your entire flat bathroom starts flooding, don’t even think about calling an expensive plumber – hit up
someone you know who drives a manual car because those blokes and blokettes will know anything. It’s true that when you drive manual, you really feel the road. The driver becomes one with the daily commute. You, your car ride, and your car, you become like one, dude. Much like a session of deep meditation, it’s like you can feel your soul physically connecting with that gearstick. You’re the deity of the car; controlling its life field, directing its future intentions. It’s all about the sensation of that gear stick, that clutch. Feeling the fear of hill starts, bunny hopping or other various problems associated with cars built in the ‘80s, and driving anyway. Plus all that hand and foot coordination… seriously, it’s gotta make a person pretty good in bed. When you find one, ladies and gents, hold on tight. Manual drivers are far superior to automatic drivers, as they will tirelessly claim. These people are rare, pure, traditional humans, which we all aspire to be – after all, who needs to hold your passenger’s hand when you can hold them by their sexual desire for your driving skills? 17
How to Manufacture MDMA DEFINITELY NOT TROY ANDERSON Disclaimer: Nexus does not endorse the production or consumption of ecstasy, MDMA, and/ or 3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine. The intent of this piece is purely for entertainment purposes and should not be viewed as an accurate description of how to manufacture the illicit Class B substance. Also, this content should not be perceived as encouragement for the inhalation, ingestion, or rectal consumption of narcotics. Safety is our highest priority, as a result redactions have been made where necessary. Those of you that know me will know that I have never taken drugs. For those of you that don’t know me, let me be the first to tell you: I have never taken drugs. With that out of the way, you’ll all be well aware that there are many, many, many shit pingers in Hamilton as of recent. You will always have strange dudes offering to sell you “BK” (I still have no idea what in the fuck that shit is, but I’m sure it just has so much speed in it). I am certain that this just infuriates each and every one of you. Well, your favourite dodgy uncle is here to help. This week, we’ll be removing the middleman, letting you be the master of your own destiny and becoming the reliable and responsible drug dealer that Hamilton needs, but not the one it deserves. Here’s how to make pingers. So, first things first, you’re going to need a bunch of glassware, equipment and ingredients – as well as a bit of chemistry know how. I’m serious, if you don’t know how to set any of this shit up or understand basic chemistry, fuck off or find a pal to help – I don’t have time for amateurs that don’t know what the hell they’re doing. It pays to have all this shit sourced and ready ahead of time because fuck ups are costly financially and time-wise. 18
Glassware: You’ll need █████████ consisting of ████ (in varying sizes), a █████████████, ███████ adapter, █████████ adapter and █████████ adapter. Equipment: You’ll need a thermometer (up to █████ °C), two ███████, █████████, █████, a hot plate /███████ combo, ████, boiling chips, ████████ (up to ██████████████ metres), measuring cups, scales, and litmus paper. Chemicals and Precursors: ████████ or ████, ████████ (██████████), ██████████, ██████ (██████████████), ████████████████ (████████) (these previous three can be found at ██████████ shops or ████████), ████ (found in most ██████████), any ███ salt (██████(NO3)2 for example), ██████████, █████, tin foil, ████████████ (████ contain this), sodium hydroxide (NaOH), █████, high smoke point vegetable oil, ██████████ and acetone. The first step is setting up █. Throughout this, the ███████ should always be █████████ so that it can be ██████████. In this step, ████ will be ████████ from your ███ or ██████. These are not the only ████████ to contain ██████ but they are the most commonly used. Use the vegetable oil for an oil bath when ████, this greatly improves temperature control. ████████ is usually obtained between ███████ and ████████ °C ████. The ██████████ should be noted for later steps. The second step is a reaction to yield ██████████. In order to do this, █████ and █████ are reacted in a ████████████. In the ████, the ████ will contain mostly ███ and ███ and ██████████████████, this ██████ in the ████████. A tried method is to maintain the mix at no more than ████████ °C for four hours. Following this, ██████████. At this point, ██████████████████. Any excess ██████████ and be filtered out. Following
this, the ██████████████████ until the mixture crystallizes into solid ███. The third step is ████ of a to produce ██████████ (████████). This is a particularly easy reaction to carry out. The reaction occurs between adfsd and ██████████ with ████████████ as a catalyst. Set up your ██████ with ██ and ████████ and add ████████ for approximately ██████████ minutes. The reaction will take about ██████████ hours to complete. After completion, mixing with ███ ███ ███ will yield an ██████ with a ██████████ and an ████████ with a ████████████. Both ██████████ to increase yields. The fourth step is ███ to ██. This █ should have █ █ approximately ███████°C ██████ than the ██████ from ████████. ████ the mix noting that you will be ██████ first followed by ████████████. Keep in mind that █████, so will be useless within a week if ██████. Now, this step is by far the cuntiest and is heavily dependent on your previous yields. So, for those of you folks with little to zero chemistry know how, good fucking luck, you’ve just wasted several days, a fair bit of materials and money. Also, the police are probably after you. This fifth step reacts ████ with ██████████████ using the ████████████ properties of ████████████. In order to do this correctly, the ████████████ present on all ██████████ needs to be ████████ via ██████████ with ████████████ salt and ████████ ████████. If you can successfully retrieve the ████████ without it ██████████, then well done, you are some sort of master chemist and you should really be the one writing this. ████████ the appropriate quantities of ██████ and ████████ in ██████ ███ and then mix with the ████████ to ██████. This reaction ████████████ that
require completely contradictory environments so your shit needs to be wired very tightly, i.e. get previously mentioned master chemist to help. The ████████████ condensation, the ██████████. ██████, highly vigilant temperature control is required as the solution is ████████ ████████████. The reaction temperature must not ██████████████████████████████ °C but does need ████████ to carry out. It will take roughly ██████ hours to complete. After this has occurred, you’ll have MDMA oil, or go juice or whatever you want to call it. However, unless you’re some sort of menace that wants to just smash that shit back along with a bunch of liquid mercury, a bit more is required from that large brain of yours. Add a ██████████████ which will cause ████████. ██████ will form on ██████ and can be ██████████. Further addition of ██████ will result in formation of █████████████, do this ██████████ until ████████████████████████████. Following this, ████████████████████████. After this, do a young ██████████ with ██████████ and then ████████ the fuck out that shit with ██████████████. If you’re struggling, find a buddy to help you. And that, dear readers, leaves you with a regular old plumbus. A lot of care should be taken when doing this, otherwise you’ll be producing shit pingers. You sell shit pingers—even one time—and then next thing, that’s all you’re known for. In all seriousness though, kids, don’t fucking make drugs, just threaten to until your boss has no other choice between giving you a pay rise and firing you. Likely, they’ll just fire you, but unless you’re some sort of weapon at your job, they’ll have no choice but to give you a pay rise. We’ll see you on the next one. 19
CAMERON MCROBIE I’ve always preferred Semester B. Contrary to popular belief, this has nothing to do with being on the downhill side of the year, closer to summer, graduation and getting the fuck out, and more to do with a white powdery substance I’d like to hit every weekend and day of the week while I still can. Snow, obviously. Nothing beats the euphoria of an empty bluebird day cutting lines on the slopes – this is probably what I can attribute to at least one paper being more of a B sem write-off than that mate who thinks they can build a full 18 wizard staff of 7% Wild Moose. Any snow-junkie student is pulling ya leg if they reckon they haven’t skipped a day or two of class every fortnight to get amongst the good stuff. 22
There are two distinct species of snow-mosapiens: skiers and snowboarders. It’s probably easier to think of the modern-day skier as an entitled, highfalutin two-planker – sporting kneelength jackets and often some severe attitude to boot. Snowboarders are a typically more reclusive breed, associated with pure filth, dart-punching and lunchtime DoBros. It can be noted, however, regardless of whether said skier or tray rider is a park rat (frothing for another chance to redeem their failed backy off the rainbow rail), or a simple snow grom (just hangin’ out to advance a level from the magic carpet to the bigkid lifts), mountain-goers typically fit into one of four stereotypes.
Weekend Warrior:
If you’ve ever thought a weekend at Turoa was a sweet idea, and then immediately regretted it upon arrival—it’s because of these tossers. Almost always driving late model European SUVs (think Porsche Cayenne, Audi Q7, Range Rover, VW Touareg, and other vehicles worth more than a small house in Mangakino), these specimens will rumble down from Auckland (it’s always Auckland, don’t ask me why) on a Friday evening, leaving a trail of coffee cups, assorted mountain apparel and hunnid dollar bills at each stop on the trek to Tongariro Natty Park. The ‘Kune nightlife is usually kicked up a notch or seven from the arrival of these Corona and craft beer consuming cats and their typically wild, waaaay overprivileged teenaged kids. Teenies who chomp at the bit to get amongst some après ski to fake the lack of culture they experience day to day. Not worth the 45-minute lines, pretentiousness and gear envy you’ll be subject to, come midday Saturday when you finally weasel through the mountain road traffic. • Looks like: Louis Vuitton released a limited edition ski gear collab with The North Face. • Smells like: Garage Project and leather interiors.
Student:
You bet there’s a category that fits all of ya who haven’t dropped out yet to pursue the former! “Ooh, she’s looking a beaut of a bluebird tomorrow, who’s down to bunk lectures and cut some phat lines, dudes!”. Often heard justifying their cheeky midweek sessions with “Hey, you won’t remember that day you went to class in 20 years time!” or “It’s all breezy, I’m on a B for this paper, and it’s a piece of piss! This sweet pow is totally worth dropping to a C+ for – I’ll just catch up in exams!”. We are often found trying to scrape together what little enthusiasm we have left from the foggy, winter vitamin D drought to get up for a 5 am mountain mish sure to make the gram. Thanks Jacinda for remembering to include gas and a Maccas stop in the latest student allowance revision. • Looks like: as many clichés and nature emojis as you can possibly cram into a single gram. • Smells like: the sweaty socks of five second years sardined into a medium hatchback, Lift+.
Ski Bum:
Scandinavian 20-somethings on their New Zealand OE and mountain rats who are still on their gap year, eight years after high school, fit this subcategory. Appearing as folk who live for nothing more than powder days and hitting the gnarliest cliff drops they can find – you’ll often find them fitting boots in a ski shop or serving coffees in an Ohakune café if the weather is looking any shoddier than overcast, so they can afford a wholesome 18 box to not only feed them that night, but also make up for the total lack of heating or insulation in a flat that could loosely be compared to a shed. Thank God for alcohol blankets. Up the hill, you’ll see these absolute frothers helmetless, dreads whipping in the icy breeze as they pull a wicked grab, flying off a cliff you initially thought was illegal to even slide along the top of. • Looks like: they belong in Static, a stained 10-year-old jacket barely holding together. • Smells like: a well-loved ’98 Corolla and the earthiest dope in the Central Plateau.
Never Left the ‘80s:
These rugged oldies won’t bother with more than two ski days in a season, despite having bought a life pass before their knees started givin’ ‘em hell in ’94. Rarely making it through a weekend without reminiscing the first ever ski chair to be built in New Zealand, these retirees will be found on nothing but a pair of early ‘90s Rossignol racing skis. I’ll offer a 20 to anyone who can find one of these living dinosaurs of skiing on a snowboard. It just doesn’t happen. Probably the knees thing. You’ll find faded, ill-fitting fluorescent jumpsuits and tassel beanies are the getup of choice for these “I’ll ski till I’m bloody carked it” punters. A rarity in the mountain cafés, you’ll likely find ‘em lapping you at twice the speed or tucking into a banana on the chairlift – don’t expect to catch one if you’re a park rat, they didn’t have fancy jumps back in their day, don’t ya know? • Looks like: speedy sunnies, a wardrobe that hasn’t been updated since Muldoon was PM. • Smells like: the mustiest op shop clothing from Kaitaia to Bluff, Rothmans. 23
ANTHY102-18B New Zealand and the Pacific Given that every other bugger at this university harps on about how much they love anthropology, there was major build-ups for this one. In a massive lecture theatre, we were all encouraged to sit in the front rows; so communal, so cultural right off the bat. The professor had a strangely strong resemblance to my high school economics teacher, giving me the immediate thought that he was going to possess a similar nature and let us out to lunch 20 minutes early (he didn’t, sadly). Despite really needing a microphone and having a bit of trouble trying to read those pesky ye olde New Zealand maps off the slides, he was decent, and it was fairly interesting – especially considering my purposeful aversion to learning about the Treaty of Waitangi and the like, thanks to too many facts about dates and names being hammered from nightmarish social studies classes. Sorry for being unpatriotic, NZ – I just don’t like being forced to remember numbers. I speak English, not numerics. I found out a fair bit of new info, namely that we had some whack-looking maps back in the day, and that the English colonised on the whim of a weirdo criminal trying to make some bucks, rather than from an insatiable desire to conquer other countries—possibly based on small penis size—by the British government, like I thought. So fuck. Sorry, guys, we’re all here because some dude, who was imprisoned for abducting a young girl, wanted to buy a few fancy new monocles or whatever. Knowing that maybe we should all fuck off back to England now? Another bit of inspo was the mint self-carvings that Māori chiefs did back in the day to depict themselves according to their own creative interpretations so they could be forever remembered by later generations. How did they do this without mirrors, I thought? Could you see your reflection well enough in a river or some shit? Would you ever know if you were attractive or ugly, or would you just assume if the chief’s daughter gave you the eye that you must look pretty fine? My brain was spinning. For the purpose of longevity, perhaps we’d be better off hand carving our own faces in pieces of solid wood, rather than posting selfies on Instagram with clichéd inspirational quotes for attention.
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Don’t Pass the Aux: Round 2 JACQUI SWNEY At first glance, it is difficult to distinguish which of the songs in my library are shit, which of them are bangers, and which of them are shit songs that secretly bang. After carefully analysing my library, removing my own bias, and accepting the fact that Hobo Johnson actually isn’t as cool and quirky as I had hoped he was, I’ve put together a playlist of secret bangers that may or may not make you cringe away from putting them out there for all to hear. Here’s to guilty pleasures! 1. ‘DROP IT LIKE IT’S HOT’ BY SNOOP DOGG: Snoop Dogg is a difficult topic. There needs to be some level of respect for the guy, considering he is part of an elite group of Compton rappers. He’s one of a core group of rappers to change the course of music entirely. However, ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’, despite being probably the most well-known Snoop Dogg song out, is something to both love and hate. The lyrics are ridiculous but catchy and loveable, just like the Dogg himself. The series of clicks and clacks he makes with his mouth are impossible to replicate precisely, and yet, I always find myself trying and failing to keep them in time with the song. And most importantly, if you don’t try and make it look like you’re hitting a triangle, “you should think about it, take a second” *ding*. 2. ‘DANCING QUEEN’ (OR ANYTHING ELSE REALLY) BY
This song should be kept in the archives until the exact right moment. It’s really only impressive ABBA:
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to those of us whose mothers brainwashed us as children, but if you know, you know. Don’t whip this baby out unless you know your audience. Picture this: a respectful group of 18-25-year-old white girls drinking ten dollar bottles of wine out of actual wine glasses. One of them is probably wearing flared pants and wishes she was born in the ‘70s while the other snacks on the cheese board, completely sober, but drunk on the mere sound of that opening keyboard and harmonised oooohs. This one won’t always be successful, so choose wisely. 3. ‘BABEL’ BY MUMFORD AND SONS: As much as Mumford and Sons have stayed pretty twodimensional in their sound since the release of their first album, it doesn’t stop me from loving them. There’s something about a raspy voice and a banjo that’s appealing on all levels. They have the potential to seduce not only the almost-hipsters but the pop radio lovers and the bass heads as well. The slow buildup to the epic banjo drop will have anyone dropping to the floor to feel the wubs.
Shall I Call It His ‘Appendage’ or His ‘Manroot’? JENNIE-LOUISE KENDRICK Erotica is fancy porn. Highfalutin, luxuriant and lofty, erotic literature is the highest art form of smut; able to stimulate the loins of the reader and fill them with an insatiable lust. On the eve of the Nexus Erotica Competition, fuck words are the name and word fucking is the game in this edition of Lonely Tarts Club. Unfortunately, the biggest name associated with the genre is E. L. James of Fifty Shades Trilogy fame. Not only is it evident that the books came from the author cutting her teeth on Twilight fanfiction, but the information about BDSM is incorrect; muddling the practice with intimate partner violence. The books, of course, transcended to the cinema, making James the ninth richest author in the world according Forbes in 2017. She is the only person on the list in the erotic genre. Before the invention of the printing press, literature canvassing the many follies of frickle-frackle was not seen as a major problem. Despite the cultural taboos, the cost of producing individual manuscripts meant only a small readership. Come the 15th century, Johannes Gutenberg’s mechanical moveable type printing meant smut could be made more readily available to the horny masses. However, where there are perverts, there are prudes, and the production of such material became clandestine to avoid censorship and legal accusations of obscenity. Sappho of Lesbos, from whom we get the term ‘sapphic’ and ‘lesbian’, wrote erotic lyric poems in Ancient Greece, while Nizami Ganjavi wrote The Seven Beauties (Bahramnameh) in Persia in 1197. William Shakespeare wrote of the “blue-veined violets” on which lovers lay in Venus and Adonis, believed to be his first publication in 1593. French philosopher Diderot conjured a magic ring that got vaginas to share intimate accounts
in Les Bijoux indiscrets (1747), and the Marquis de Sade recounted his exploits in works like Justine, or the Misfortunes of Virtue and 120 Days of Sodom. The Kama Sutra, created around the 5th century BCE by ancient Indian philosopher Vātsyāyana, is the most famous book in the world on human sexuality; a copy can probably be found under your parents’ bed. Contrary to popular western belief, it is not exclusively a sex manual; it is a guide to “virtuous and gracious living”. It contains the description of 64 types of sexual acts, ten chapters on moaning, positions, and other amorous add-ons, acquiring a wife, how to make money as a courtesan, and how to renew a friendship with a former lover. Sex work and sex workers have been the focus of many erotic literature from early on in the picture; the term ‘pornography’ comes from the Greek pornographos, meaning “the writing of prostitutes”, and many Ancient Grecians enjoyed the descriptions of the lives and manners of sex workers and their customers— unsurprising, considering Ancient Greece was essentially a collection of homoerotic vases and toga-wearing pervs. Accounts of prosituition consituted a major part of erotic literature in 18th century England. With one in five women in sex work, publications like Harris’s List of Covent Garden Ladies—back in the modern zeitgeist in the TV show Harlots—acted as directories of sex workers and the services they offered. Modern erotic literature is mainly WiFi-based, and, like pornographic videos, can be uploaded by amateurs—to varying levels of success. Look at E.L. James—she made USD 11 million off shitty third-person narration “wealth porn” with a protagonist that is, as the Chicago Tribune described, “the human embodiment of a Buzzfeed introvert listicle”. 27
Someone, Find Your Love In Me: the Secret Sounds of Mid-Winter JARED IPSEN Recorded over a weekend at a small house in Turangi with no cell phone reception, local musician Mid-Winter’s recently released Find Your Love In Me even sounds like winter. Passed around between friends inside USB drives and .ZIP files, the EP feels like a secret set to acoustic guitars and whispered vocals. Equal parts Bon Iver, Frank Ocean’s ‘Endless,’ and the jangly, cold Dunedin sound, the lyrics are, at times, indiscernible from the instrumentation or audio samples. Small phrases duck in and out of aural soundscapes, offering a glimpse into the parts of yourself only shown when you’re alone – “I just don’t know anymore.” Lacking choruses or any traditional song structure at all, songs like ‘Endless Optimism Blues’ and ‘Someone, Find Your Love In Me’ read more like Kerouac’s free-form prose than anything you’d hear on a Spotify playlist these days. Honestly, I wish there was more I could say about the context of these songs. A short bio, a look at the musician that pieced this project together, even just knowing who is behind the EP – but there really isn’t much. No social media presence, press kit, or even an official release, Mid-Winter is the antithesis of the heavily-curated, impeccable album rollouts that we see today. It goes to show that artists don’t actually need to drop diss tracks against clearly superior rappers 28
or say heinous shit in interviews just to get some free press for the next release. Sure, these sorts of things help, but participating in the break-neck speed of today’s news cycle is really just sentencing yourself to obscurity the next time Trump says literally anything. But if you spend enough time perfecting your craft, making something truly intimate and unique, an audience will find you. Maybe it’s just a Hamilton thing – people just making music for the fuck of it, not interested in selling a heap of CDs or cracking 10,000 views on YouTube. Some of my favourite local releases have been the ones hidden on an obscure Blogspot account or sold on cassette for one night only. Maybe we would be better off by putting more effort into promoting our own music. But, for now, these songs are for us. “I’m sad, I’m tired, I’m over it... So I made some music.”
AUTEUR HOUSE Greta Garbo RICHARD SWAINSON If a mainstream audience thinks about silent cinema at all today, it usually concerns comedy. The silent era was the golden age of slapstick and physical humour. Comedy played a central part in the development of the art form. In Hollywood, Mack Sennett, like so many aspiring directors a protege of D. W. Griffith, developed a distinctive brand of knockabout pratfalls, turning his lover Mabel Normand into an international star and creating the iconic Keystone Kops, still a shorthand phrase for incompetent police work. Sennett recruited Charlie Chaplin from the stage. Chaplin begat Fatty Arbuckle, who in turn mentored Buster Keaton. Harold Lloyd, a one-time Chaplin impersonator, developed his distinctive, bespectacled character in the early 1920s. Harry Langdon, a peculiar “manchild”, rounded out the “Big Four”. There’s also Laurel and Hardy, whose masterful silent shorts of the late 1920s seamlessly transitioned into feature work in the early days of sound. There’s a downside to thinking about silent movies exclusively in comedic terms. We miss so much else, like Griffith’s melodramas – his shorts – from as early as 1908, the swashbuckling of Douglas Fairbanks, the sophisticated sex and marriage satires of Cecil B. DeMille and Gloria Swanson, and the glory of Greta Garbo. Recently, while holidaying in Hollywood, I purchased three of Garbo’s early American films for Auteur House: The Temptress (1926), Flesh and the
Devil (1926) and The Mysterious Lady (1928). If, like me, you only know the star through her sound classics, these movies are revelations. It’s as though the word ‘luminosity’ was invented just for her. To coin a phrase from a later era, Garbo plays the femme fatale. A woman who comes between friends, irresistible and utterly compelling. If she’s leading men to their doom, she’s likely heading that way herself too, with very little control over her own destiny; a feminine force of nature. ‘Sexy’ really doesn’t cover it. Flesh and the Devil is the most celebrated of the three, Garbo’s third Hollywood feature and the one that secured her international stardom. The onscreen chemistry between the Swedish goddess and John Gilbert, himself already a well-established box office draw card, reflected the couple’s off-screen passion. Perhaps, for the first time in history – outside of pornography, at least – the kisses and embraces were “for real”. 92 years later, it still packs a punch.
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Insta-famous cat owner Clint, and former Aussie apple farmer Bree have taken over the ZM Drive show. Nexus caught up with the duo to ask them important, real questions like about Clint’s alleged yoyo supremacy over the wider Bay of Plenty region. How did you guys get into the role? We were both working for other radio stations—Bree in Australia, and me in Auckland—when the bosses of ZM slid into our DMs to ask if we’d be interested in picking up where Jase and PJ were about to leave off. We replied, Bree and I had a couple of secret dates to see if we liked each other, and boom! Here we are! NEXUS: Most of us hate hearing our voice on a recording—you guys are doing it for a living. Does it make you cringe, or have you come to accept it? B&C: Fun fact: most radio people looove the sound of their own voice (but you could probably guess that...). But seriously, we are live, so we don’t really hear our voices! By the time we get in our car and turn the radio on our show is over! NEXUS: Favourite moment on the air so far? B&C: Probably our crossover show with Jase and PJ—it was this weird hybrid show—kind of like Avengers: Infinity War where we played games from their old show and games from our new show. We flew to Melbourne to create it with them in their new studios and the whole thing was just fun. NEXUS: How do you come up with the content to discuss on the show? B&C: We dig deep into our own lives to find the moments that will make entertaining radio. Had an embarrassing moment? That’s going on air. Had a messy break up? Well get ready to share it with NZ. The best stuff is the real stuff so we try and share it all NEXUS: B&C:
(well, almost...) NEXUS: Have any of your previous expectations of being on a radio show been shattered so far? B&C: Not really! Neither of us are new to radio, but we are new to ZM. I’ve learned that the Secret Sound is real, and very secret. That Vaughan’s kids, Fletch’s cat and Megan’s toy-boy husband are also real - don’t believe the rumours people. NEXUS: Clint, we learned that you’re the reigning Bay of Plenty Yoyo champion. How and when did you discover your talent? Does this translate to other hand-eye coordination skills? B&C: My dad taught me to Yoyo when I was nine. Probably the most valuable skill he ever taught me tbh. I entered a local comp held at the Rotorua Post Office when I was 10, smoked everyone with my walk-thedog and round-the-world and the rest is history baby. As far as other hand-eye co-ord skills, unfortunately not. I’m as un-co as a drunken Blues player. NEXUS: Who would be on the list as a dream interviewee? B&C: I have a dream that one day I will redeem the horrific job I did of speaking to Katy Perry in 2014. I was overwhelmed with her hotness and literally said 4-6 words total. If I could get another chance, I would probably screw it up again, but at least I’d get to see her once more. (Can you tell I have a bit of a thing for her?) NEXUS: Any thoughts on giving the best student magazine in the industry a shout out on air? B&C: Any time, any where!
GRACE MITCHELL We’re at it again – sacrificing our mental acuity and a few hundred brain cells to narrow down the best pre-town bevies for all you lovely folks. This time, we tested some classic ready-to-drink stunners, taking a walk through memory lane as we steeled ourselves to once again taste the sweet nectar of seventeen-year-old regret (okay, that’s mainly the Cruisers), for the sole purpose of factual, stone cold journalism. Cosied up with pizzas, warm blankies and sweats, we can heavily recommend an evening such as this as “night in” goals.
Clean Collective: Mandarin & Lime Mojito 5%
(1.2
STANDARD
DRINKS
Nitro: Vodka & Guarana Original 7% –
MEH
OKAY) $14.99 FOR 4-PACK
Made with zero sugar, carbs, or preservatives, and described as “NZ’s First 100% Clean Vodka RTD Cocktail”, we had both hopes and suspicions for this number. The consensus is, it’s not terrible, not amazing, and healthy people will probably like it more than others. Our judges more aptly described it as “mandarin-flavoured sparkling water” or “flavoured Pump.” The lack of a noticeably alcoholic taste makes it a dangerous 1.2 standards, and if it weren’t for the extortionately high price, you’d get rinsed off these easily. Great for classic white girls, or for your first ever party because it looks pretty safe, healthy, and would definitely be mum-approved. RATING: 7.5/10
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(6.9
STANDARD
DRINKS
Mist Wood Gin: Apple 5% (1.3 STANDARD DRINKS – NOT TOO –
YOU
COULD DIE) $9.99 FOR 1.25L
You either love or hate this stuff. The diehard Nitro fan reckons “it tastes like God’s liquor,” while the rest of us likened it more to cough medicine or sickly sweet melted lollipops. You can’t fault it on price point, though. A few swigs of this would help get you right buzzing just before town, or at least drunk enough to be able to scull wine or beer right after – if you can deal with being red-faced, overly hyper and smelling like sticky floors. Judge Number Three shares her recommended routine: half a bottle of Nitro, a bottle of wine, then scull the rest of the Nitro within two minutes. You’ll be set to go. RATING: 8/10
BAD) $24.99 FOR A 10-PACK
This goes to show the lesser known options can hold some surprises. Best one yet, we reckoned – pretty enjoyable with a crisp apple taste. It’s a crowd-pleaser, and the alcohol content isn’t half bad. That extra couple bucks you have to drop is pretty worth it. Be warned, this gin can either make you super sleepy or get you on a gooood happy vibe. Recommended food pairing? Uppercuts Delicuts chippies (yeah, we’d run out of pizza). RATING: 9/10
Vodka Cruisers: Watermelon 7% (1.4 STANDARD DRINKS – V GOOD VALUE) $21.99 FOR 12-PACK
Ah, the ultimate teen drink; otherwise known as the bevvy that males pretend to scoff at, yet secretly love to smash down every weekend. May cause strange sensations, such as the ongoing insistence that it tastes like pickle juice from one judge (pregnant?). We’d recommend going for the bottles rather than the cans because you definitely get that “tinny” taste otherwise. Honestly, Cruisers are just a means to an end – you can’t go too wrong. This flavour is shit though, so go for raspberry. RATING: 5.5/10
Hint New Zealand Vodka: Watermelon & Sparkling Water 5%
(1.2
PRETTY
STANDARD
DRINKS
STANDARD)
$14.99
–
Long Whites: Feijoa 4.8% (1.2 STANDARD DRINKS – DRINK LOTS OF THESE) $24.99 FOR A 10PACK
YEP,
FOR
A
4-PACK
This one’s actually even healthier than the Faux-jitos. There’s no sweetener and basically consisting of pure vodka, sparkling water, and a little natural flavour – 100% natural so to speak. Perfect for “extra-vegans.” Result? “Tastes like nothing.” If you dig sparkling water, this may be your jam; otherwise, it’s safe to say this stuff is tasteless, and no one could finish it. One judge was still tripping over the taste of pickle water continuing on in this one. Yeah nah, watermelon flavouring is a miss.
Love it, easy peasy, can’t really go wrong. Unless you’re too bogan for it, that is, like one of our judges (“I feel like I don’t like any RTDs except Nitro”). By this point, the effect of drinks on the palate after this many was kind of null and void. Despite a lack of actual critique for this one, all evidence seems to show it’s a good option for riding the wave of being on a good buzz, but the other flavours may appeal to a wider audience. RATING: 8/10
RATING: 3/10
We’re only scraping the surface as of yet, so stay tuned dear readers, because there’s plenty more drinking to come. 33
Each week we’ll be highlighting the filthiest, scummiest, and occasionally some of the loveliest student flats. At the end of the semester, we’ll be providing one of the featured households with $200 to spend on whatever they need most. It could be a keg party, a shitload of food or just a chunk off your rent, either way if you’re keen to be featured flick an email to editor@nexusmag.co.nz.
The Nursing Home
Setting the Wintec standard is a chic, modern, PG-rated household. The nanas in this neck of the woods have a strict bedtime of 9 pm, a debilitating addiction to the conveniently located KFC, and a tendency to overshare.
He’s a Blind Date veteran who’s recently returned to Hamilton after a rather intrepid year-long bender. She’s a woman of few words, someone who cares about the simpler pleasures in life – such as how many fries your date eats and how to maximise the consumption of alcohol. SHE SAID:
Starting off the night, I made sure to turn up slightly after time to not be the first to arrive but apparently, he arrived early so points for him. We started off chatting over a couple drinks, and we seemed to hit things off. He had just done an exchange, and we were both into travel, so that got the conversation flowing. When it came time to order, I went straight for the BBQ beef pizza, but apparently, there’s a Blind Date hack where you eat before you go to spend the majority on alcohol. So while he ate two fries total (he was on a diet), I scoffed a whole pizza. Oops. All in all, he was a lovely lad with above average chat, if his ride didn’t arrive early, who knows where the night might have gone. Damn those early morning PT sessions HE SAID:
I went on another Nexus Blind Date a long time ago, so I kind of knew what to expect going into this date. My first ever date was a massive let down, and I ended up just getting smashed and calling my ride, so I was hoping this time would be an improvement. I have also had a couple of friends do this since my first one, and they all met people they really liked so I thought why not give it another shot. I just recently got back from what was essentially a year-long bender overseas, which meant I haven’t had a lot of time for
any kind of relationship/dating lately so I dressed up relatively nice for the night and crossed my fingers the love of my life would walk into House. I got there first and ordered a drink and awkwardly waited for my date to arrive. She turned up a little bit late which I fired a couple of shots at her for but it was only banter, and I didn’t mind too much as it meant I got a drink in before she arrived. We started chatting away pretty smoothly. She was a decent-looking girl and had some brains as well, so I was curious to get to know her a bit. I felt quite rude when we got asked if we wanted any food as I am on a bit of a calorie specific diet and already had my evening post-gym meal before the date, so I just ordered some chips and barely made a dent in them as she smashed back a pizza, which was actually very impressive. Unfortunately, though it became more and more obvious to me as the night wore on that there just wasn’t that attraction there for me and I was losing interest quite fast towards the end of the night. No offence to the girl, she seemed lovely and did nothing wrong, but I just didn’t feel it. My ride gave me the; “should I come pick you up? Or are you going home with her?” to which I ushered them to come get me. I was semi-drunk and had a pretty nice night but couldn’t help but feel a little let down at another dud Blind Date! Oh well, maybe another time, aye Nexus? Cheers for the night.
Brought to you by House on Hood Street. If you’re keen for a Blind Date, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz
Leo (July 23-Aug 22) Fires light as the past returns in the form of an old flame. Don’t forget that the girl code is an irrelevant and patriarchal social construction – do what your heart desires. Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22) Nature becomes of increasing importance this week. Despite your desire for adventure, it’s advised to avoid smoking the devil’s lettuce by the Uni Lakes, especially at 2 am on a Wednesday.
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Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) The moon is lingers this week, bringing with it a sense of loneliness. Don’t worry, the feeling that all your friends hate you is all in your head... we think. Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20) Procrastination is one of your finest qualities, but try to overcome the allure of postponement. You can’t be a fourth year forever, so perhaps listen to a TED Talk on how to get your shit together for some mid-week inspo.
Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22) Creativity swirls within your aura. As opportunities to flaunt your talents appear, keep broadcasting to a minimal. Future employers won’t be impressed by your need to publicise drug use.
Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19) Your starmap is showing some new connections this week. Nevertheless, remain grounded and make wise choices. When Mum and Dad ask how you met your new boo, Tinder isn’t the answer they’re hoping for.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21) An orbital disturbance causes confusion to settle on your horizon. While your constant efforts to please everyone are admirable, they’ll eventually backfire and leave you isolated. Try picking a side for once.
Taurus (Apr 20-May 20) The strong energy of Venus is heading your way. Instead of focusing on speed, perhaps do things properly for once rather than your usual half-assed effort. Nobody’s impressed by a one minute wonder.
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21) Jupiter’s presence causes you to fall into a spiral of erratic behaviour. Sadly, your binge drinking and resulting embarrassment cannot be blamed on this; it’s time to start making better decisions.
Gemini (May 21-June 20) Passions are ignited as Saturn polishes it’s rings. There’s no doubt you’re punching, but thankfully they haven’t realised yet. Confidence is key, lock it down while you still can.
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) A beckoning Pluto brings your loyalties to the forefront. While there’s nothing wrong with chatting with a mate’s significant other, constantly sending shower snaps is bound to give the wrong impression.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) Planetary alignments reveal new hurdles. Despite your best efforts to overcome personal challenges, you’ll inevitably revert to old habits and do nothing but complain for the next few months.
Keen for some free Burgerfuel? Simply snap us the shitfest of your student lifestyle for the chance to win. If you’ve accidentally sent us something you shouldn’t have, just email editor@nexusmag.co.nz with all the details. Prizes can be claimed from reception in the SUB (between Unimart and the gym). 39
Puzzles
CODE CRACKER 10
WORDFIND
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Colours that skinnty legendt Van Ester Hudgens can pull off because she is THAT binch. THEME:
Grape Sandy tan Turquoise Jasmine Lavender
Mystic red Bright pink Sea green School bus yellow Canary
EASY SUDOKU
Fuschia Mauve Oxblood Red Pale taupe
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DIFFICULT SUDOKU
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ALGE-BRUH
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A B C D E F G H I J KL M N O P Q R STUVWXYZ
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Whic'h (whicheth) ASOS MODEL: are you t o d a y ?
SIMPLE PUZZLES FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE
haha tag yourself lol nexus is so relatable
the tootiest'th fruitethment
uuuuh... JUH. DOOR.
en_chan_tėęěē
pOOT me on THE DAZED COVER NOW I WILL PAY U 4 IT
sexci cheeter gerl
pWOM PWOM.
CROSSWORD 1
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ALGE-BRUH ANSWERS:
=
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LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS:
=3
= 20
WORD TWIST
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=8
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ACROSS:
DOWN:
1. Direction (5) 4. Equilibrium (7) 8. Brass instrument (7) 9. Fruit (5) 10. Beamed (8) 11. Singing couple (4) 13. Kind of lake (6) 15. Movie house (6) 18. Large and scholarly book (4) 19. Precise (8) 22. Tooth (5) 23. Inactivity (7) 24. Family name (7) 25. Laconic (5)
1. Notation cancelling a previous flat or sharp (7) 2. A regular route (5) 3. Seven-sided polygon (8) 4. Dairy product (6) 5. Jump (4) 6. Planet (7) 7. Choose by vote (5) 12. Venomous (8) 14. Risk taker (7) 16. Norm (7) 17. In operation (6) 18. Domesticates (5) 20. Theatrical performer (5) 21. Song for solo voice (4)
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We’re making sure your voice is heard. Have a bite to eat from our BBQ, and have a chat with your Student Directors at Conversation Station, every Wednesday at 1pm.