Nexus 2021 Issue 24 by Nexus Magazine

THE WELLBEING HUB The Wellbeing Hub is your home away from home. The place on campus for you to rest and recharge. Make yourself a cuppa, grab a couch and breathe! We have a piano, two guitars, lots of beanbags, card and board games and delightfully friendly staff. There are daily wellbeing Workshops for you to try like watercolour painting and breathing workshops. On your way out, pick up a free plant, book and piece of fruit. Visit waikato.ac.nz/students/wellbeing-hub for more information.

ESPORTS CLUB

The University of Waikato Esports club is based out of the Omen Esports Arena found at The Station – 164 Hillcrest Road. Join our gaming community - the home of all gamers on campus! We play a wide variety of games and have both competitive and social events throughout the year. Membership is $20 per trimester, which gets you 10 hours per week on the PCs (unused hours do not carryover). Visit waikato.ac.nz/sport/esports for more information. POWERED BY

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FUCK OFF 2021!

50 WORST PEOPLE OF 2021

FEATURES

10 11 6

TEAM Correspondents Editor Bronwyn Laundry bronwyn@nexusmag.co.nz Designer Wenyue Ruan wenyue@nexusmag.co.nz 4

Stien Huizenga stien@nexusmag.co.nz Illustrator Jak Rāta jak@nexusmag.co.nz

Advertising & Production James Raffan & Kendrah Worsley comms@wsu.org.nz

@nexusmag facebook.com /nexusnz Nexus Media Experience

So, this is it. The last issue of a tumultuous year; the last issue for 2021 and my last time working on Nexus after a long four years. But it’s also a time of firsts: I got asked to write my first editorial so, go me, right? Off the back of last year, we had some pretty high hopes. We thought we’d seen the worst of COVID-19, yet here I am, back at home, writing from my dining table. We also haven’t had a proper editor for the last six issues, yet we’ve managed to pull some decent content together in the meantime that we are all super proud of. Sometimes it isn’t ‘til you take a moment and look back, you realise what you’ve achieved. I have been doing a lot of looking back these past three weeks and I can honestly say I am happy with all we’ve done. We screenprinted and gave away a tonne of Nexus masks, we lost a designer and hired three more to replace her, we started recording podcasts in English and te reo Māori, and we let Stien talk us into making a fucking TikTok account. For some of you, these are your last few weeks in this godforsaken place. Graduation rolls around pretty quickly, I know the feeling. Here’s a tip from me to you, that might (or might not) help you on your next steps; not knowing what to do after graduation is, and always will be, a sort of rite of passage to the next phase of your life. Don’t feel like shit because you don’t have everything sussed, you probably never will. Just do something you’re passionate about, do something that makes you fuckin’ feel good and the rest will follow.

Editorial by

Kendrah

To our regular readers who have either tracked this down online or got their hands on a rare (these days) printed copy, we can’t thank you enough. The same can be said for our advertisers, contributors, Lamb Creative, and our Students’ Union. On a personal note, I want to thank my colleagues, both old and new, for your guidance, patience and friendship. Nexus has been so much more than a magazine for me and fuck, I’m going to miss it. Enough of the soppy farewell shit. Hit the books hard these next few weeks! Then, go out and enjoy your fuckin’ summer. Go skinny dipping, try water-skiing, hug your mates and tell them you were lying when you said they were a shitty beer pong partner - I don’t know, do whatever young people do these days. By the time you read this, I will have turned 25, which in dog years is fuckin’ dead. So live while you still can, aye? So on behalf of myself, Jak, Stien, James, Wenyue, Hannah, Bronwyn and the 66 contributors, illustrators and podcasters who created the 24 issues this year, see you on the other side m’fuckas.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 24

FUCK OFF 2021!

NEWS IN 2021 “

While there’s still plenty of time for big stories to develop in the final months of 2021, the year to date has seen its fair share of big stories. Some of them came and went, quickly swept away by the news cycle. Others, however, have continued to cast a long shadow as they developed month after month. Here’s a grab bag of news stories that defined 2021 - until other stories came along and redefined it.

CAPITOL HILL INSURRECTION Egged on by the notoriously sore loser, President Donald Trump, thousands of fervent right-wing QAnon MAGA supporters attempted to overturn the results of a free and fair election by storming the US Capitol building. Amid calls to string up Democrat senators and kill Vice-President Mike Pence to prevent him from certifying the election, the rampagers shattered windows, occupied the building, and looted various officers. One Capitol Police Officer was beaten with a fire extinguisher and later died in hospital, a protester was shot by police, and three others were crushed or died in the melee. Republican Senators, protected from the crowds, were quick to brush the event under the rug even as footage of them evacuating played incessantly on the news all over the world.

MYANMAR COUP Khing Hnin Wai became the comical face of a particularly unfunny turn of events when she recorded an exercise video in front of Myanmar’s Parliament building. What started out as a workout video for folks at home inadvertently became a piece of amateur journalism as footage of Myanmar’s military driving through a barrier toward the Parliament building was caught in the background. The footage captured a key moment in Myanmar’s coup, after the military overthrew the government citing a rigged election as just ‘cause.

EVER GIVEN BLOCKS THE SUEZ CANAL High winds and a dust storm pushed the container ship Ever Given all out of whack while it traversed the Suez Canal, blocking the vital passage for six days. The owning company was charged $900 million in damages, which is of course no small sum. We all chuckled at how silly it all was, blissfully unaware of the impact it had on trade or boats or something.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 24

FUCK OFF 2021!

PRINCE PHILIP DIES Maybe a racist, maybe a guy who threatened Diana at the end of the most recent season of The Crown, maybe a dedicated public servant, or maybe just a beloved husband. However you viewed the dearly departed Duke of Edinburgh, his death certainly marked the end of an era. From fleeing Greece in the midst of revolution as a wee little baby, to standing stoically beside, or rather a few steps behind, Her Majesty for decades, Philip was if nothing else; tall and looked good in a uniform.

SUPERMARKET STABBING Shoppers in a LynnMall Countdown were subjected to a harrowing experience when a “violent extremist”, known by police to be a supporter of the Islamic State, took a knife from the shelf and stabbed six people, leaving three in a critical condition. Police shot and killed the attacker within 60 seconds.

MOUSE PLAGUE IN AUSTRALIA Mice! Mice everywhere! You can burn ‘em, drown ‘em, poison ‘em, and still they come in their millions. After the unseasonably dry summer that yielded devastating bushfires last year, a wet and warm summer resulted in a massive grain harvest, and with it, a mindless, faceless, all-consuming, horde of mice. They invaded hospitals, prisons, homes, and barns, pissing, shitting, and nibbling their way through all and sundry.

FALL OF KABUL After years of occupation, a war older than many of the soldiers fighting it, immense civilian casualties, huge costs, and corrupt mismanagement, US forces completely withdrew from Afghanistan and the Government promptly collapsed to Taliban forces. Now, a fundamentalist Muslim Government controls the country with the familiar tropes - disregard for women’s rights, summary executions by death squads, and rule by fear.

20TH ANNIVERSARY OF 9/11 Anniversaries carry great significance, and while a birthday, wedding, or death might deserve commemoration for the impact they have on our individual lives, 9/11’s 20th Anniversary marked two decades since the world was turned on its head. What followed; the war on terror, invasions in the Middle East, Fallujah, Afghanistan, the killing of Osama bin Laden, were the current events backdrop of a violent twenty years kicked off by George Bush and his government full of Hawks. There were no WMDs.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 24

FUCK OFF 2021!

WORST ALBUMS OF 2021

10. Nobody Is Listening - Zayn Did anyone realise Zayn had even released an album? At least the title was accurate.

7. Solar Power - Lorde

9. Justice - Justin Bieber Using a sample of Martin Luther King Jr. in an album largely about your love for your white, nepotistic wife? Bit classless.

Lorde makes it to the list not because the album is entirely trash but because it was such a colossal fucking let down. Don’t make a bunch of posts for four years saying patronising shit like ‘patience my loves’ then release 12 songs that all just sound like your weird aunty’s seashell wind chimes.

4. Certified Lover Boy Drake

5. WE GOT DRUNK AND MADE AN EP - Tramp Stamps Hot Topic lookin’ industry plants co-opting the grassroots riot grrrl aesthetic for their shitty TikTok music. Neeeeext.

2. Welcome to the Madhouse Tones and I Cliché and cringe, the worst mistake we made was giving that fucking Dance Monkey song airtime and allowing this atrocity to happen. 10

What the fuck is up with him ‘befriending’ all these underage girls? Mad sus, Drizzy.

8. The Battle at Garden’s Gate - Greta Van Fleet If you’re going to blatantly rip off Led Zeppelin, at least acknowledge that’s what you’re up to. Josh Kisza’s refusal to name Robert Plant as an inspiration is at best, fucking annoying and at worst, literal plagiarism.

6. Donda - Kanye West Take away the numerous unnamed features by the likes of Jay Z and all you have left is a cult manifesto.

3. JORDI - Maroon 5 The definition of boring AND it tries to drag Stevie Nicks down with it.

1. Music: Songs from and Inspired by the Motion Picture - Sia As bland and offensive as the movie itself.

WORST TV OF 2021

10. Ginny and Georgia

9. Sex/Life

Brianne Howey is the only good part of this show. And that’s saying absolutely nothing. Don’t waste your time.

This is porn for the old white women who are still trying to get over the fact that RegeJean Page isn’t coming back to Bridgerton.

8. The Crew Funnily enough, Kevin James made this sitcom for Netflix while over on basic cable, they made a show loosely based on him called Kevin Can Fuck Himself. Seems appropriate having sat through this.

6. iCarly

7. Sexy Beasts Humans who look like wild beasts trying to date. As it turns out this is a real thing and not just a night out in New Plymouth.

Who? Who is this for? Was anyone thinking, “I wonder how Carly is doing in 2021 and can you please put her in some adult situations where she can swear but keep it largely PG otherwise.” More than that, make Freddie a two-timed divorcee, Spencer completely unchanged and write a new best friend in because Sam decided to join a biker gang.

5. Riverdale

The story has gone absolutely mad and weird. What happened to the cute little murder mystery from the first season? Everyone is trying their hardest to save it but just stop. Please.

4. Too Hot To Handle Take the one kid at the house party that can’t keep it in his pants and add some money as an incentive. You have this absolute trainwreck.

3. Jupiter Legacy The person who pitched this led with “Hey, is Fergie’s ex Husband still acting?” Yawn.

1. The 1PM COVID Briefing

2. Emily In Paris Yes, technically the show won’t release it’s second season till December 22nd but trust us, we are probably right here.

Let’s be honest, the show set a pretty high bar last year but has failed to do anything new. Delta was an interesting addition but the rest of the characters seemed to stagnate. What’s worse is they turned Hipkins into a comedic side character. Even the appearances of fan favourite “Sign Language Guy” couldn’t lift the show. NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 24

FUCK OFF 2021!

WORST MOVIES OF 2021 9. Chaos Walking No one needs special powers to know what Tom Holland was thinking during filming.

10. Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard If you thought the title of this film was a handful, try swallowing the performance of Antonio Banderas as this film’s villain. Okay, Gregorio Cortez, go save your Spy Kids instead, you ain’t scary.

7. Die in a Gunfight Proudly letting Alexandria Daddario accurately state that Baywatch is not the worst movie she ever made.

6. Habit

8. Thunder Force Octavia Spencer and Melissa McCarthy can’t do wrong. Except for this piece of shit. They were the best part of a god-awful film, but that wasn’t enough to stop this ship from sinking.

Fresh from her acting chops on OnlyFans, the hopes weren’t high for Bella Thorne in this Tarantino-meets-Doubt type tea. If you want to watch a couple of has-beens bumblefuck their way through a rough script, here’s your bitch. That bitch is named Paris Jackson. Hope you’re well hunny.

5. The VelociPastor I’d rather shit in my hands and clap than watch this conflicted pastor turn into a budget Barney the Dinosaur fighting some comp-science graduates dressed up as ninjas, filmed by a person that has probably had one too many lines on a Saturday night.

3. Cinderella

2. Free Guy

Camila Cabello! Is there anything she can’t do? Yeah, act. She would be the worst thing about this film if it wasn’t for the fact that her love interest also has what can only be described as Bella Cullen emotional range.

If you are going to cast Taika as the villain, try not to do it in the same year he is rumoured to be in a thrupple with Rita Ora and Tessa Thompson. I have a hard time believing any of his decisions aren’t absolutely justified.

4. Space Jam: A New Legacy Seriously, is Don Cheadle okay? Does he have a coke problem or debts? Why would he do this? You were in Hotel Rwanda man, have some dignity.

1. He’s All That Why tf did they have to get Addison Rae (and her terrible acting) to do a remake of the classic 90s rom-com that we all love/hate?

Jamie Strange MP for Hamilton East

07 839 6803 jamie.strange@parliament.govt.nz

David Bennett List MP based in Hamilton East 510 Grey Street, Hamilton East 3216 davidbennettmp@parliament.govt.nz davidbennett.national.org.nz 07 834 3407

Authorised by David Bennett MP, Parliament Buildings, Wellington.

Authorised by Jamie Strange MP, Parliament Buildings, Wellington

FUCK OFF 2021!

IN MEMORIUM LARRY KING NOVEMBER 19, 1933 - JANUARY 23, 2021 The greatest interviewer this world has ever seen. His contribution to the sews and suspender industries are unparalleled. We were going to list all his ex-wives but this is only a 48 page magazine.

JESSICA WALTERS JANUARY 31, 1941 - MARCH 24, 2021 The Matriarch of Arrested Development’s Bluth family and one of the titular Archer(s). Somewhere Jessica Walters is getting drunk on hard liquor and telling a deity how disappointed she was in all of us.

PRINCE PHILIP, DUKE OF EDINBURGH JUNE 10, 1921 - APRIL 9, 2021 The world lost a monarch, and a symbol of old, white, racism but judging by Meghan’s interview with Oprah, they seem pretty well stocked in most of those areas.

DMX DECEMBER 18, 1970 - APRIL 9, 2021 He’s not “gon’ give it to ya” anymore. The only thing sadder than learning of his death, is learning his real name is Earl.

ADAM PERKINS MARCH 17, 1997 - APRIL 11, 2021 As if taking Vine from us wasn’t bad enough, now you’ve taken the “Welcome to Chilis” guy too.

MARGARET FORSYTH 1961 - MAY 4TH, 2021 Waikato-BOP Magic Coach, Hamilton City Councillor, and New Zealand Order of Merit Recipient. All of that is impressive but nowhere near as impressive as the fact she was a Silver Fern while still in Hillcrest High School and she won TWO world championships. Baller.

SAMUEL E. WRIGHT NOVEMBER 20, 1946 - MAY 25, 2021 Let’s be honest. Sebastian was the only time any of us liked crabs down below. The man sang “Darlin’ it’s better, down where it’s wetter, take it from me.” If that didn’t get him cancelled then the song Kiss the Girl should have at least been changed to Get Consent to Kiss the Girl.

KEVIN CLARK DECEMBER 3, 1988 - MAY 26, 2021 If it wasn’t for Rolling Stones’ Charlie Watts, Spazzy McGhee would be the best drummer on this list. You will be missed.

PHILLIP SHERRY OCTOBER 13, 1933 - JULY 18, 2021

ROBERT DOWNEY SR.

New Zealand’s news anchor said goodnight to the country one final time.

JUNE 24, 1936 - JULY 7, 2021 Love you 3000 Grandpa

SEAN LOCK APRIL 22, 1963 - AUGUST 16, 2021

CHARLIE WATTS JUNE 2, 1941 - AUGUST 24, 2021 If it wasn’t for School of Rock’s Spazzy McGhee, then the Rolling Stones drummer would be the best drummer on this list. You will be missed.

Stop whatever you are doing and google Carrot in a Box. The man was a national fucking treasure.

WAKA NATHAN MICHAEL K. WILLIAMS NOVEMBER 22, 1966 - SEPTEMBER 6, 2021 Omar ain’t coming around anymore. Thank you Michael K. Williams for doing more for the gay, black vigilante with a shotgun community than anyone ever has.

JULY 8, 1940 - SEPTEMBER 24, 2021 That is two Black Panthers in the last few years alone! He was, unquestionably the most dependable Waka this country has seen since Kupe’s.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 24

FUCK OFF 2021!

- A Message from our Contributors

2021 was basically alright, therefore making it the worst because it was so fucking bland that “basically alright” is the greatest accolade it could possibly hope to muster. No great highs, no tragic lows, just sideways trading towards the inevitable heat death of the Universe.

Troy Anderson

For the delta, for the helter-skelter lockdowns and rollouts, the divisions amongst the reasonable, collisions of the well-meaning, the gap between the haves and the have nots expanding. For the fear and for the loathing, the eye-watering costs of just existing, the insurrections, resurrections, the desecration of Pūtiki, for the collective madness of our species. To this foul year of our Lord Twenty Twenty One, most sincerely: Fuck you.

Luka Love g it 2021 was basically alright, therefore makin that bland g fuckin so was it se the worst becau it “basically alright” is the greatest accolade , highs great No er. must to hope ly possib could the ds towar g tradin ays sidew no tragic lows, just inevitable heat death of the Universe.

aching Anonymous Te till Hopes Student Who S to Graduate

2021 was an even more boring, uneventful, shitty sequel to 2020 that no one asked for. 2021 just couldn’t figure out what it wanted to be and so was the worst of all possibilities; just a hazy puzzle piece in the timeline from 2019-2022. 3/10, would not recommend.

Quinn McKay 16

I should’ve known that with Addison Rae “acting” in a remake of She’s All That, this year was going to be full of shitty repeats. If you thought the Rhythm and Vines line-up was bad last year, just you breathers fuckin’ wait. Fuck you 2021!

Kendrah Worsley

I really thought that 2020 was the worst year but it was only the entrée before the main course. I would say let’s hope that 2022 is better but I highly doubt it. Cheers 2021 for being just as fucked up as 2020.

I mean, the first half of 2021 was fine. We were basically back to normal while watching the world around us deteriorate further. Then Delta howed up and we experienced a repeat of the worst part of 2020. I had to say goodbye to the freedom I missed. Why world!

Shannon Morbey

Caitlin Walters-Freke

Turning 30 during a global pandemic with a zoom party and a bottle of wine would make anyone want to say laters to a year that the best thing it could offer was “at least I’m not 2020”.

I haven’t seen my friends, parents and other family members back home for two years and it’s likely that I won’t see them for another year as well. I’m just wondering, when will we be able to travel without 14+7+7 (or more) days in quarantine?

Candra Pullon What the fuck am I doing? I thought COVID was over? I decided I would plan some exciting adventures this year. I got a new car, moved into a new flat and started planning some road trips. Yeah, nah. Hasn’t panned out. Maybe 2022 will be the year?

Wenyue Ruan

Stien Huizenga NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 24

DON’T FORGET

TO TAG ON AND TAG OFF

New fare capping means that you can travel by bus as much as you like in Hamilton for just $18 a week! Visit busit.co.nz or call 0800 205 305 to find out more.

Straight-up premium burgers in your neighbourhood ~ simple & fast. Come say hello 372 Grey Street, Hamilton East

FUCK OFF 2021!

50.

49.

48.

The ultimate Karen in the MAGA movement, apparently never met a holocaust she didn’t like to politicise.

To be frank, we could have put any contestant on this list for simply taking part in such a shitty reality show. We loved to love him until we didn’t.

47.

46.

45.

To ‘build a bitch’ doesn’t seem all that fitting. To appropriate Asian culture? That seems far more fitting for Miss Poarch.

Okay, we admit it. Sometimes cancel culture is a good thing.

From Rookie of the Year to Rookie of the Gear, and a truly awful “they were my drugs” press conference. No shit!

44.

43.

42.

How is this still a conversation starter in 2021?

One of those moments of “why the hell are we giving this kid millions of dollars?” He’s 19 and calls himself a talent scout to the stars. WTF.

NEXUS Yeah, yeah, we get it. We are bad, but not anywhere near as bad as these 49 people.

Bella Poarch

Winston Peters

Marjorie Taylor Greene

Ellen DeGeneres

Lil Huddy

Jake from Love Island UK

Reece Walsh

Daddy Spears and Jamie Lynn We think that Wendy Williams said it best when she said, “Death to them all”. Our world can’t be free till Britney is. Focus on your own children, Jamie.

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FUCK OFF 2021!

41.

Neil Quigley Let’s be honest, he hasn’t really done anything to be on this list this year BUT he also hasn’t really done anything to be on any list this year.

38.

The cast of Celebrity Treasure Island

40.

39.

‘YOu cAn’T eRaSe hIsToRy’. Coloniser Cook naming an already named maunga after a crusty white guy who never saw it, is hardly history.

Reappears after how many years just to feed the anti-lockdown trolls and finance bros from his ivory tower. The only ‘smug hermit kingdom’ we see here is your multimillion-dollar pad in Hawaii, Sir John.

37.

36.

People who still call it Mount Egmont

Addison Rae

Sir John Key

Mike Hosking

She’s All That promoted superficiality, TVNZ really scraped the bottom of the barrel, hot girls take off their glasses and damsel in distress stereotypes. And calling in New Zealand’s biggest celebrities including Stan Walker’s ex-girlfriends, younger thanks in large part to Addison Rae sister. Viewers shouldn’t have to spend and the kid from Cobra Kai, it still each episode clinging on to every time a remains the better version of the story.

Let’s be honest, after seeing you in your luxury sports car attacking others for their privilege, and how they just get things handed to them? It’s not even fun to hate you anymore, it’s just sad.

35.

34.

33.

Listening to this girl whinge and cry about not hitting 100 million fans sooner is the low of 2021. And we had a pandemic. You know you’re tone-deaf when the world is agreeing with James Charles. Girl, buck up and take a concrete pill.

Don’t you just hate it when someone uses a picture of you as a baby? Sometimes you hate it so much you recreate the image on five separate occasions for money before suing them because it was traumatising.

Can we stop giving people nicknames like “The Beast” and then get surprised when they turn out to be accurate?

contestant’s name comes up on the screen to know who these “celebrities” are.

Charli D’Amelio

The Nirvana Baby

Manu Vatuvei

32.

31.

There are so many jokes we could make but at the end of the day this man is a sick predator and needs counselling. And potential jail time.

I mean c’mon, the world is watching and you guys get busted running a chicken racket. It’s hardly Al Capone prohibition level shit.

30.

29.

Armie Hammer

Mark Richardson

Well, at least now he gets to sleep in before being a sexist, classist, cliché? Seriously, can Martin Guptill just take his job already? We aren’t sure of his politics but if we are going to give a platform to any uninformed opening batsmen, let’s at least make sure they were a good one.

28.

The KFC Bandits

Sia

As much as the idea of anonymity in music is interesting, everyone knows what you look like. Instead of gatekeeping Autistic actors, go cut some eye holes in a wig. Maybe then you’ll see the error of your ways.

27.

David Dobrik

Chlöe Swarbrick

Living proof that money cannot buy you happiness and instead buys you stupid things like a digger in a lake that ruins your friend’s face, skull and life. Nice one.

Hey Chloe, ever heard that ignorance is bliss? You constantly educate people how bad life is as a student and how climate change is killing us - it’s just killing the Nexus office buzz from the weed you haven’t legalised yet. (Seriously though, keep it up.)

26.

25.

Less of an entry more of a PSA: Nathan is not a WSU Life Member, he either needs to be awarded one or shut up. Every conversation starts with “I was just talking to a life member”. If Neil had your publicity he wouldn’t need the dog.

Make us wait four years for a snoozefest album supposedly about New Zealand summer yet released in New Zealand winter? Thanks for nothing, ya bish.

Nathan Rahui

Lorde

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 24

FUCK OFF 2021!

24.

23.

Fuck you Matt Gaetz. Enjoy Prison!

Allegedly trying to rewrite a movie because she doesn’t want to kiss anyone but her girlfriend would be like Henry Cavill trying to stop Superman from flying because he has too much respect for Sir Issac Newton. Don’t be an actor. We are pretty sure Addison Rae can take your job.

22.

21.

“He’s just my gym boyfriend” is a sentence fragment. The full sentence should read “He’s just my gym boyfriend but if I sensed it could work then I would leave your flabby ass tomorrow.”

Not much has changed for this dynamic duo. Somehow still making stacks over some teenage girls that froth patchwork tats and shitty behaviour patterns. Beauty fades, dumb is forever. Go make an OnlyFans and pack it up lads. That’s about all you’re good for.

Matt Gaetz

Gym Boyfriends

JoJo Siwa

Logan and Jake Paul

20.

19.

Objectively 30 places worse than Nexus. Yeah, that seems about right.

The epitome of an entitled white boy with a trust fund who decided YouTube was his “calling”. If grooming underage hetero-boys wasn’t enough, we have to endure his - explained in the nicest way possible - attempt at a horrible Kermit the Frog impression with his covers. Sit down and stick to what you know; cutting a crease and sending pictures of your ass to 15-year-old boys.

18.

17.

Okay, you don’t earn the title “Trump of the Tropics” without fucking our eco-sphere somehow. Bolsonaro is a Grade A fuckwit with a complete disregard for the indigenous people of the Amazon. With terrible decisions regarding Covid and his people, Bolsonaro is really giving the US a run for its money. The only major difference between him and Trump is his tan - his is real.

Stroppy symbol of monarchy and Trump-loving entitlement, Morgan spent a career being a sycophant for the rich and powerful when he wasn’t hacking their phones. We all know the type, but for a brief moment, something magical happened. In between his rants about Millennials being snowflakes who need thicker skin, someone said something he didn’t like so he stormed out and quit his job. Don’t feel too bad for Piers though. Within a month he was back spewing bile and hatred about soft, manipulative and devious people like Emma Raducanu, Meghan Markle, and Simone Biles, y’know women of colour who all worked hard for their success. Fuck you, Piers!

Salient

Jair Bolsonaro

James Charles

Piers Morgan

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 24

FUCK OFF 2021!

16.

15.

Bill Cosby is technically a free man with his conviction vacated. And the first thing he does? Rushes to the defence of R. Kelly. That would be like OJ Simpson saying we really need to examine if the Zodiac Killer was a bad guy or just misunderstood.

One of the last things anyone wants is for another Jenner/ Kardashian to Blackfish and sell us some shit we don’t need. As the youngest self-made billionaire, Kylie shows us that we really can do it on our own. All it takes is a nudge from our multi-millionaire parents and exposure from your older sis sucking dick. Guess all those DSLs needed were 45 lipsticks of the same shade of mauve.

14.

13.

R. Kelly / Cosby

Jamie Strange We wanted to put one of the far-right Hamilton East politicians on the list and when we were deciding which one was the worst we thought about who opposed abortion reform, gay marriage, and euthanasia. This is another win for Strange over Bennett, congratulations? Hey, at least you have worked to get Hamilton Christian School more secular funding because if this year has taught us anything it is that we probably don’t need to learn more about science.

Kylie Jenner

Andrew Bolt and Muriel Newman It would be so easy to simply state that we aren’t going to take advice on relationships with a country’s indigenous people from Australia. The fact that Muriel Newman, a woman who was last in Parliament when the design team for this magazine were seven, thinks she has any relevant views is laughable. Hey 71 year-old-white-woman, let’s clear something up: No one is taking your country away from you, it was never yours to begin with. And although there is a litany of mistakes and half-truths throughout your interview, the most important mistake was that neither of you thought “Maybe we should shut the fuck up.”

12.

11.

10.

It seems fitting that the QAnon folks are following right behind Donald Trump on this list. Sadly you have officially made white Millennials appropriating Sharman’s and waving confederate flags seem uncool so now we are fucked for Halloween costumes! Let’s be clear here… People died, you invaded the Capitol building and waved the flag of the losing side of the Civil War. People died, and you tried to hang Mike Pence, a man so ubiquitously racist and homophobic he should have been your poster child. People died and you think you are the victims? As much as we love the internet campaign that gets all Mayan D-Day and keeps changing the date that Donald Trump will be sworn back in, this has to stop. Can we offer one small piece of advice? Next time you want to stop the alleged ring of Hollywood rapists and pedophiles, pick a better frontman. Trump is a reality TV host that has 27 active cases of sexual harassment against him, and once said he would fuck his own daughter. But AOC is the problem, huh?

Getting 11th on this list for the Worst People of 2021 is an achievement. The fact that he was able to do in January and then do nothing is some GOAT level Lebron shit. Seriously, think about it. On the first six days of January, he incited a riot on the Capitol, committed multiple alleged election violations that are being investigated, and has been banned by most social media. Then, on the seventh day he rested. It’s a little like that argument for the existence of God. We can’t see the wind but we can see the effects of the wind. In the same way, the seed that Donald Trump sowed continues to have an impact: Texas Abortion Law reform, Georgia elections, the fucking Cyber Ninjas. The impact of the Trump Presidency is global, and damaging. The man himself? Suing social media companies to reinstate him, which is the old white Florida equivalent of sitting on your porch telling the kids to get off your lawn. Also as we were writing this we learned Forbes left him off their Top 25 Rich List. We don’t care but that must sting a little.

2021 was supposed to be the year America got its groove back. Joe Biden was elected by the people and trust us we know there is only so many times you can say “We are doing the job better than someone else (Salient) did it.” At some point, your boss is going to tell you to put your cards on the table. And those cards aren’t great, a dangling and fragile infrastructure bill, no federal protection for Roe V Wade or election integrity, the filibuster still very much alive and well, and COVID still being an issue with two sides. This is not the progressive return to values we were promised. We have got through all of this without talking about Afghanistan, Palestine, and every other place where really convincing arguments could be made that your governments’ inaction led to actual blood on everyone’s hands. Oh and the world is still melting, Thornburg is doing her part. Just do something!

QAnon

Donald Trump

Joe Biden

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 24

FUCK OFF 2021!

9. Jacinda Ardern This could almost have been a cut and paste of the Biden piece. To be clear, we are (largely) fans of the first lady of Morrinsville. Her enthusiasm is matched only by her down to earth realism. We couldn’t imagine any current or recent leader handling the last four years better than she has. But where are we going? Unlike Biden, her mandate and support is both long and sweeping. More than that we don’t think she actually cares about a third term, so what is she waiting for? This Labour government could have been the new social safety net. She could have dramatically altered the fabric of our country to be that socialist state Seymour says we are. Cannabis reform, massive infrastructure and socialisation of power, free education for all and a Universal Basic Income, true work on rail and free solar installation for all. While you are there go even more impactful and get rid of every Cook Street, every coloniser, every statue of a bigot, rapist or murderer. The last election was the “Oh the things we would do if Winston wasn’t there.” This one will be the “Covid made us do it.” But we can walk and chew gum at the same time. We won’t end child poverty but we can do a lot to move the needle. The truth here is that she is a great leader who is using any collected goodwill to reform the Labour party into the centre of the New Zealand political spectrum or even the centre-right. When she first appeared to be able to form a government with the Greens or New Zealand first, Paddy Gower exclaimed that this was going to be one of the most transformative governments in New Zealand history and to date all we have that even seemed ambitious was a “First Year Free” policy. Christ, even taking GST off fresh fruit and vegetables would have been a start. Jacinda may go down as one of the best Prime Ministers of all time but apart from her declaration that climate change and how we react to it is the biggest battle we are facing, she hasn’t given us a clear identity or crafted a vision of where we are going. It is time she decided to go for it and really move the needle. Take advantage of the COVID situation and really move the needle on some progressive agenda items. If she held a press conference today and said as a response to COVID we are: Nationalising power, legalising recreational marijuana, introducing a Universal Basic Income for everyone under an income threshold, making education free for all domestic students, starting a public works scheme to ensure every house has solar and a Tesla power wall and every gas station has electric charging spots, removing GST from fresh produce, building worldclass rail systems that connect every part of the country, banning all cigarette imports from 2025, killing the racing industry, capping mortgage rates and allowing all home buyers or builders who intend to live in the property fixed interest for 25 years, and giving every New Zealander one free dental visit a year, change the name to Aotearoa and all the cities and towns will revert to non-colonial names, do you know what would happen? Neither do we but god it would be fun to find out. At the bare minimum ‘clean, green New Zealand’ wouldn’t be a fucking marketing slogan. You LITERALLY have nothing to lose. You could turn this country into Cuba and we still won’t vote for Judith Collins. That you won’t even try is maddening.

8. Geoff Taylor Even while writing this we can hear the collective voices of students reading asking in perfect unison “Who the fuck is Geoff Taylor?” and that is why we genuinely considered making this entry Geoff Taylor. Here is the quick summary for those too lazy to Google him. Geoff Taylor is the Deputy Mayor. That’s right. He was elected and then appointed Deputy Mayor. Moreover, he is going to run for Mayor sometime soon unless Tim fucking Macindoe beats him to it. Geoff is a likeable enough guy and he isn’t some moustache-twirling sociopath (if he was he would have made the top six) but he is emblematic of a council so out of touch that it keeps getting elected because the people who live here have no investment in it. Geoff has openly rallied against Ward Street and other art projects in the city, has waged war on the bus system preferring smaller vans and complaining that we should improve the roads and parking so more people “can just drive”. He has also led a campaign to prosecute the person who vandalised the statue of Hamilton, but when asked he dismissed the removal of those statues, the changing of street names or the reversion of Hamilton to Kirikiriroa as a distraction. Perhaps the most depressing thing is how unsurprising any of this is. Geoff Taylor isn’t the disease, he is just a symptom. He genuinely represents the views of a constituency. The problem is that the proportion of that constituency isn’t commensurate with the volume of people it has on the council. If Taylor decided to pack it all in tomorrow then the ‘middle-aged, white, property owner’ vote would still have: Martin Gallagher, a man who has spent nearly three decades in professional politics; Ewan Wilson, who was convicted of four counts of fraud BEFORE deciding to run for council; MacPherson, who, admittedly is left-wing if not the Che Guevara voice of change and disaffection we actually need; Rob Pascoe; Ryan Hamilton; and Mark Bunting who honestly we couldn’t tell you which was which if you forced us. Meanwhile, in the midst of this year. The brilliant Margaret Forsyth (NZOM) passed away and created the need for a by-election for her Hamilton East seat. In the end, it was won by Mark Donovan. This may be a surprise but Donovan is a middle-aged white man, and he actually lives in Hamilton West. But hey, he was the clear choice winning 1,774 votes of the 12,178 cast in Hamilton, a city with a population of approximately 174,000! We will say it again… Geoff Taylor (Donovan, Hamilton, Pascoe, Wilson et al.) are a symptom. Our apathy is the problem. Left to their own devices, old white men will always want their voices heard. It is up to the rest of us to make sure it is in proportion with their skin in the game.

7. The Wanaka Two At this point we are both legally allowed to name them and we could if we wanted but much like the rant about Geoff Taylor, the point isn’t that these two simply broke a rule or endangered the health of a number of others. The point was that they did it without even thinking about their impact and a carefree attitude that is emblematic of people in a position of privilege by deciding to leave a Level 4 lockdown in Auckland and go to Queenstown. To some extent, the fight or flight response has to be part of human nature, when it was announced on a Sunday that Hamilton would be going into Level 3 a number of us would have at least considered leaving. Whether it was getting out of the Halls of Residence, going back home to the folks or a cheeky trip to a holiday home to ride this out. It is something that, given the evidence at the time, wouldn’t have been great, particularly if you had spread Delta to the rest of the country, but it was an option available to you. Leaving during a lockdown though is so much worse. It is indicative of your feelings that you know better than the medical professionals, that the rules don’t apply to you, and that you had a genuine belief that you weren’t causing any harm. It would be so easy to turn this into a “haves and have nots” and make this whole thing about entitlement, I mean the moment we heard equestrian we all started thinking this was a little Marie Antoinette, right? People are being denied access to the delivery room to see their first child or grandchild, funerals and weddings are all being postponed or limited, but the ski season is suddenly an essential fucking service? The part that put them so high on this list though is that they actively sought name suppression. They were happy to pay whatever fine was required. We even started imagining them going back to their smug jobs and complaining about the people who had done that. It was, in essence, the perfect crime. Except his mum was a High Court Judge and Courts are notoriously gossipy. Let’s be clear here. The only reason we know what these two did and who they are is that it was adversely affecting his mother’s job. It wasn’t until it was leaked to the media that these two ‘decided to stop seeking name suppression’. So there you have it, both are actually capable of empathy and putting others first. Sadly, they only apply those traits to family.

6. Judith Collins There is an obvious joke here and a T word that has become synonymous with Collins but we are going to steer away from it for the most part. See the problem with Collins is only partly that she is a ridiculous person who says fundamentally stupid things in order to race bait and act as a catalyst for an “us against them” hunger games she has in her mind. The larger more systemic problem is that she is showing an entire generation that power is everything and you should never compromise. She shows that morality is a construct of the weak. She wants credit for scratching and clawing her way to a job that she had no right to in the beginning. A job that, from any reasonable account she stepped on anyone she needed to in order to get and then she changed the rules. The Collins, Tamakis, and Seymours of the world like to raise the stakes on some post-apocalyptic nightmare of authoritarianism. They sow the seeds that comrade Arden won’t give up her power. Yet she started her whole campaign for leadership saying that she would resign if National ever polled at 35%. The reality is if National ever polled at 35% they should be throwing the woman a fucking parade. She is the very definition of an out of touch politician and regardless of what the pacific coalition around her breakfast table (sorry, couldn’t resist at least one) think, her rhetoric is dangerous. It is empowering fascists. It is empowering the Tamakis of this world and giving the media the opportunity to talk about ACT as some new wave movement instead of the weird little incel vanity party for the entitlement class it is. And it would be one thing for us to all sit here and say that there are no viable alternatives to Collins but that is the shell game. There are no viable alternatives because they have driven them out. Therein lies the fundamental problem. You have scorched the earth around you to cling to a job you are fundamentally unqualified to hold. Poll numbers aside, prior to this Delta outbreak Collins was obsessing over two “issues”. It wasn’t fixing a health system, or solving a housing crisis. It wasn’t even looking at the real drivers of gang activity like failing education, poverty, hunger or a drug system in need of reform. It was that Rawiri Waititi was wearing a bolo tie, and that those pesky Greens had the audacity not to want a portrait of Winston Churchill on the wall. At a time when the National Party desperately needed reformers like Nikki Kaye and Amy Adams, it got Collins. Those in the party have never looked more comfortable. And the Luxtons, Bishops, and Donovans of the world are all betting on further collapse to make theirs the voice of redemption when Ardern finally gets tired of us. Worse still her lack of charisma and appeal has opened up opportunities on both sides with Labour electing people who had no chance of being in there under any normal circumstances. It would also be a safe bet that the Simeon Browns of the world are looking at Seymour as a roadmap for a National revolution and that will be the actual legacy of Judith Collins. Talo.. nah, we just can’t make the joke. Resign!

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 24

FUCK OFF 2021!

5. The Owner of Refuel Jo

In the heady days of 2016, Nexus had a drinking problem. Yet under the carefully cultivated leadership of Bronwyn Laundry and ‘Yam Buchannan, we also had a solution to that problem. We got drunk, not often but enough. One of the most (or least) memorable times was the doubleheader of Club Awards and ASPA’s. After the former, we decided to take the after-party to the recently established Refuel Jo and apparently we had a fucking ball. So much so that following the ASPA’s in the old Bar101 we did it again! We were high on our own supply both figuratively and literally and we decided shortly thereafter to write something akin to suggesting “if you were sick of waiting in line for Wongs then check this out”. As innocuous as it was, the pro-Wongs crowd went FUCKING NATO. The hate mail was copious. Yet we stood by our quasi-endorsement of Refuel Jo as “harmless.” Today we are issuing an unreserved retraction and apology. Five years ago we were wrong, and we are sorry. For the rest of this piece, we are just going to quote some excellent reporting by Matt Burrows first appearing online at Newshub on the 26th of July after interviewing Refuel Jo owner, Girish Kuruvilla. “But he won’t employ Indians there - despite being of Indian ethnicity himself - because it’s “a New Zealand shop” and he wants to give job opportunities to Kiwis.” “I am a racist… I’m actually very sorry to say I am 500 per cent racist,” he said, going on to brag about the free ‘marketing’ he’d receive if Newshub published his comments. Kuruvilla complains Indians use sob stories to try and get hired. “They tell us... ‘please, my parents are sick and I’m trying to stay here in this country and all that rubbish. I’m sorry, I don’t sell Indian food.” He also claims Indians “slack off”. “Indians want me to sign immigration documents and all that bullshit… Kiwis work hard, do their job, come back the next day. I’m happy as employing Kiwis.” In response to one-star reviews, he has made fun of Asians, suggested Indians have mail-order brides, and, as an aside, really need to invest in Grammarly. What we are saying is simple. 1. Come back Wongs, we are sorry. 2. Marcus from Sal’s isn’t racist.

4. Jeff Bezos Much like the Judith Collins entry, it would be easy to turn this Bezos one into a complete pisstake about a space race with weird billionaires. It’s even helped that he genuinely bears a striking resemblance to bad guys from both Thunderbird and Flash Gordon. It would be phenomenally easy to point out that Bill Gates is the only billionaire divorcee this year not to try and reach Alpha Centauri. To do so though would be to buy into the sort of distraction that Bezos is going for. Because while he got us to turn our gaze to the stars, he spent most of the year doing some pretty shitty things on earth. Specifically: Purchasing and further monopolising control of mass media, making decisions about moving production and factories only after holding entire governments to ransom on tax incentives, and Union Busting and taking victory laps while presenting it as a win for the common man. Bezos is a cartoon villain who goes largely under the radar because he had the good sense not to call rescue workers paedophiles or marry Grimes. He enforced strict labour conditions on people including making them urinate into bottles while exposing them to a raging pandemic all the while trumpeting the drone and robot technology that is working toward making that same workforce obsolete. He is using tools like the Amazon Echo to gather data that gets sold off to third parties and along with others like Zuckerburg have been adopting tactics from psychological studies of gambling behaviours to make their products more addictive. Add to that the fact that Amazon, Facebook, Disney and Microsoft keep buying up newspapers, television, movie studios and gaming companies and you start to get a little worried about where things are heading. But if a dystopic future awaits us all then at least we can take comfort in knowing that Amazon Prime still sucks. No one wants to watch movies from the 70s.

3. Anti Vaxxers Sometimes they announce themselves quietly, urging on Instagram stories for people to ‘have empathy’ and ‘allow everyone their own opinions’. Sometimes they announce themselves boldly - proclaiming their pseudo-scientist status via videos of random incels who have ‘done their research’. No matter how they appear, we have one thing to say to them: Get fucked! Despite the excessive shit-talking we do, here at Nexus, we believe actions speak louder than words, and no greater act of ‘empathy’ could be to get vaccinated and protect the vulnerable. Let me clarify. ‘Allowing everyone their own opinions’ is for things like favourite colours, Burger King orders and the discography of Hot Chelle Rae. It does not, and will not ever, extend into the realm of medical science. You do not get to discredit medical professionals, epidemiologists and peerreviewed studies because you read a Facebook thread about how Pfizer had a fraud lawsuit over false advertising in 2009, while enjoying Coke from a plastic bottle. Now that the elimination strategy is no longer a viable option, we have one major line of defence against the virus that has brought the world to its knees and killed over 4 million people to date. Ask any doctor you know and they’ve probably already received it - if they haven’t, are they actually a doctor or just a Sociology PhD candidate?

2. Brian Tamaki It’s hard to write about Bishop Brian in a jokey, goofy way because his actions would make any decent human being’s blood boil. For 23 years he has truly earned the status of cult leader, preying on lower socio-economic areas to boost his ego, his bank account and his collection of hair gels and shoulder pads. Since his arrival on the scene as New Zealand’s resident Batshit Cunt he has made a name for himself expressing all manner of fucked and divisive views, presumably to drum up as much airtime as possible, but perhaps even more terrifyingly, because he believes what he’s saying. In Tamaki’s autocracy, his “Covenant” wears rings branded with his own name, and one day we will all live in a country free of homosexuals, trans people, immigrants and basically anyone that opposes his cuntiness. Doesn’t sound very Jesus-friendly now, does it? If you need further proof to affirm his spot on this list, allow us to take you down memory lane on just a few of his public statements: - Refused to recognise trans, former MP Georgina Byers’ sex reassignment surgery, continuing to refer to her as a ‘man’ - Blamed the Christchurch earthquakes on the ‘sinful behaviour of homosexuals’ - In the wake of the Mosque attacks in 2019, he claimed Islam was a ‘false religion’ - Described immigrants as ‘parasites’ - Claimed that the female leadership in Government is a ‘work of the devil’ And of course, his most recent act of cuntiness: Staging an anti-lockdown protest in Tāmaki Makaurau at the epicentre of our current Delta outbreak. A completely irresponsible move, endangering thousands of people and promoting even more division in a period of stress and suffering. Let us make this totally clear - when even David Seymour is condemning your actions, you’ve royally fucked up. All the while, Destiny Church continues to benefit from a taxfree status as a charitable Church body in New Zealand (a supposedly secular country?).

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 24

FUCK OFF 2021!

David Seymour 34

Last year we wrote a full page on Seymour. This year he is worse but more popular. So we are done. We are going to do the one thing most media can’t and just not write about the dumb things he has said. Instead, we leave you with this white, empty, bland space the sheer existence of which harmed the environment. The metaphor alone is fucking perfect.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 24

FUCK OFF 2021! 36

Saturn goes direct this week, which is a perfect time to define something meaningful in your life, rather than to spend another week on the piss, which you’re fooling no one by denying.

As well as consent, you’ll now also need to show your vaccine papers; otherwise, Jacinda will pop out of your wardrobe and kick your ass.

It is essential to live your truth and trust your ingenuity, but always remember that one plus one is still two, and a lethal heroin overdose will still kill you, hence the term “lethal”.

If you can’t parallel park, now is a good time to go and practice that shit while there’s no one to judge you and fewer Lime Scooter’s and small children to run over.

Capricorns should avoid starting fires this week, but you don’t have to. Just remember to visit checkitsalright.nz, and that petrol works better than alcohol in Molotov cocktails.

There are still way too many celestial entities in Libra this week. They are allowed to do this because the social distancing rules do not apply to planets or space.

KiwiRail and the NZ Government look set to cancel Christmas but fret not because the Universe assures us that TVNZ will pull through with yet another timely airing of Home Alone.

It is time to channel your inner Kyle this week as you note your star sign looks like a more aggressive version of the Monster Energy logo. Now, throw the nearest person through a wall.

With the good comes the bad; loss is a natural part of life. We mourn the loss of the Mitsubishi L200 and CiggiesWorld shipping cheap darts to NZ. Gone but not forgotten. R.I.P.

Venus and the moon share your space this week. In a shared space, you might consider throwing a person’s phone across the room for talking loudly on it; unorthodox but hilarious.

It is best to stick with what you know this week; even if that’s only obscure video game facts. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than think the Earth is flat.

The first quarter moon is conjunct with Pluto and also void of course. This means yes to meditation, yoga and spirituality and no to starting fires, theft and doing burnouts.

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BELLAPOARCH REECEWALSH LILHUDDY A collection of some of Nexus’ worst people of 2021. We love to hate them. NEILQUIGLEY ADDISONRAE MIKEHOSKING Mike Hosking Bella Poarch Donald TrumpJAKEPAUL Jeff Bezos LORDE JOJOSIWA Page 1/1 - Check the solutions, print more sudoku puzzles for free and play online at: https://1sudoku.com/print-sudoku Lorde David Seymour Reece Walsh DONALDTRUMPCharli D'Amelio CHARLID'AMELIO Page 1/1 - Check the solutions, print more sudoku puzzlesJAMIESTRANGE for free and play online at: https://1sudoku.com/print-sudoku JoJo SiwaJOEBIDEN Geoff Taylor DAVIDDOBRIK JUDITHCOLLINS Lil Huddy Page 1/1 - Check the solutions, print more sudoku puzzles for free and play online at: https://1sudoku.com/print-sudoku David Dobrik JEFFBEZOS GEOFFTAYLOR Jake PaulDAVIDSEYMOUR Jair Bolsonaro Neil Quigley Joe Biden JAIRBOLSONARO ELLENDEGENERES Jamie Strange Ellen DeGeneres Addison Rae Judith Collins NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 24 Copyright © 2021 Alance AB, https://www.mazegenerator.net/

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