Nexus Magazine No. 05 2014 by Nexus Magazine

N.05 / V.46

Backyard inventor or corporate innovator? Find fame and fortune, in the Fieldays Innovation Competition. With a range of categories in which to enter, Fieldays Innovations has an award structure that supports and recognises Kiwi ingenuity, from grass roots inventions to international exported agri technology. Applications are now open for the agri focused Fieldays Innovation Awards. Entries close 3 May 2014.

Find out more at fieldays.co.nz/innovations

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PARTNER

fieldays.co.nz | 11-14 June 2014

Innovations

nexus magazine

EDITOR RACHAEL ELLIOTT DESIGN

CONTENTS

HAYLIE GRAY MANAGING EDITOR JAMES RAFFAN CONTRIBUTORS SARA LEMME

— _03

Editorial

_05

News

_08

News from the University

_09

Sport

_10

Ridiculist & Vox Pops

_11

Reviews

_14

Honest Matt

_15

Horoscopes & Playlist

_16

Auteur

_17

Arts and Stuff

_18

Overseas Experience

_19

Awesome Dead Person

_20

Two Kids at Uni

_23

Do I look like a Guy with a Plan?

_24

Break-in Bad

_26

Shine Bright like a Diamond: The

End of an Era

_27

Hamiltonian High Culture

ANARU WARREN CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF KADER SPORTS GUY DR RICHARD SWAINSON HP GABRIEL BANKIER-PERRY MIKE BILODEAU JULES CRAFT MATT HICKS BEATS BY J PETER DORNAUF PHOENIXKING TEE-SHIP LOUISE HUTT AUNTY SLUT MELODY WILKINSON MARK SAVAGE ZAC LYON AARON LETCHER TONY STEVENS DARCIE MAJOR CARL UNTERNAHRER ONYX LILY ALIX HIGBY JESSICA WILSON LAUREN HEGINBOTHAM WHAEA GAYLE AMBER CARDALE RENEE BOYER-WILLISSON WAIREHU GRANT NINA FOX LEZBI HONEST DORIAN GAY SARSKIA MELVILLE XOXO GAYGIRL PHOTOGRAPHY BECKI MOSS DESIGN INTERNS ELLIE BROOKS OLIVIA PARIS ROSE ROGERS

_30 Columns

PRINT FUSION PRINT

_37

Blind Date

ADVERTISING

_38

Waikato Students' Union

_39

Advice

ADS@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ OFFICES GROUND FLOOR, STUDENT UNION BUILDING GATE ONE, UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO

_40 Notices

KNIGHTON ROAD, HAMILTON

_41 Recipe ONLINE NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ FACEBOOK.COM/NEXUSNZ @NEXUSMAG

nexusmag.co.nz

_42 Puzzles

PHOTOGRAPH: BECKI MOSS

nexus magazine

EDITORIAL RACHAEL ELLIOTT

—

t’s student culture week here at Nexus which means, among other

with some of the most on to it people in their fields who want to teach us

things, that I’ve shared swigs out of a bottle of vodka with the slightly

about business management, teaching, foreign languages, law, creative

less smelly half of Two Kids from University tonight. And no one is too

writing and the list goes on and on and on. Go and pick up something rad

surprised when people link student culture with drinking, because that’s all

for your elective papers- you never know what awesome things might be

we do right? Be very very drunk and attend the occasional lecture?

lurking in the FASS or beyond.

And while I can hardly take the high ground as I stare at the growing pile of paper that is my thesis draft with the lovely warm burn of vodka in my

Because we’re not just seeing how much vodka we can skull before we need to spew. We’re pushing our limits- all of our limits.

belly, I’m damned if I’ll accept that all we do here is get pissed and roll

Student culture is meeting interesting people, of all age groups and eth-

bleary eyed into class fifteen minutes late to check our facebook. There’s a

nicities. It’s hanging at Stacy’s Espresso Plus debating issues brought up

much less stressful way to be pissed all the time- get a part-time job and

in your lecture, even if those issues are just that the tutor is a pain in the

spend your whole pay check on booze.

ass because she keeps asking you questions. It’s joining a club. It’s putting

We are more than just our drinking.

$2.40 worth of gas in your car. It’s 4am noodle parties. It’s thinking outside

Because we’re smart, right? On some level, that’s why we’re at uni.

the box you grew up in. It’s wondering how shit works. It’s learning why

Because we’re smart and we want more than what’s been offered to us.

things are the way they are. It’s changing the game.

And maybe we like to party too. And maybe that’s because for the first time

So do something new for student culture week. Join a club. Introduce

for most of us, we have the opportunity to be whoever we want to be. We

yourself to some people on the green. Try the weirdest looking sushi at

can try on personalities denied to us by high school or we can embrace the

the sushi bar. Crash your mate’s lecture and see what it’s like. Write a

people we really are. We can wear the damn clip in feather braid or dye our

poem. Write a lettuce! Hit a Zumba class. Read something other than your

hair green, or wear tights as pants if we want to (not saying you should, but

course readings. Get amongst everything and prove to the people who

you can). We can experiment with sex, booze and drugs- but we can also

only see our drunkenness that we are way more than just our drinking.

experiment with knowledge. We can change our minds. We’re studying

Because we are.

LETTUCE

nexus magazine

Rap to the Editor (Pt. 2)

Hey ‘The Wall’ Hamilton

MATT HARRISON

EDUCATED

Body temperature's rising, my heart beats erratic,

What is up with the cultural appropriation for your posters

nerves begin to burn so I'm tuning out the static.

guys? Are you trying to be the Katy Perry of Hamilton? It’s

Technical ability's increasing, rapping has become a virus,

ugly man, do you even know the cultural significance of

brain's in overdrive twerking hard like Myley Cyrus.

the image you’re using? Google Maneki Neko and educate yourselves you offensive bastards.

Ummm

B-Ball

ART POLITICS RELIGION PETER DORNAUF (NEXUS N. 03/V. 46) A GUY WHO CAN'T READ ABOUT BASKETBALL FOR MUCH LONGER

Thanks to Peter Dornauf (Art Politcs Religion, Nexus n. 3,

DISCLAIMER: Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse

v46) for pointing out the sculpture by the lake. A reminder

Dear Sports Guy,

that in an artistic language the sculpture depicts a certain

I know it's easy to lob armchair criticism at anybody airing

reality that lies beyond it. So, too, does Scripture. Through

out their opinion on sport, but maybe the Sports Guy should

different literary forms, redacted over the course of almost

stick to something other than basketball. I'm relatively

2,000 years, those books tell us the about God’s relation

stoked that someone at Nexus dedicates a weekly column

to us and about Jesus Christ, the son of God, his words

or two to sports, especially covering some of the American

and deeds.

stuff also. Seriously, kudos. But some of your writing on my

To refer to Peter’s article, Christ’s ascension is a histori-

beloved game of hoops makes me question exactly how

cal account in the Bible. It gives us a fact: Christ goes to

much basketball you follow, and whether or not you should

heaven at the end of his life on earth. Like a good story will

be writing about it.

do, the Bible text skilfully enables everyone to understand

You write that LeBron is a great addition to the Bulls

this fact within their own capacity of understanding: a child

because he can "take on a big scoring role" and "add

in a simple and literal way: Jesus shoots up to heaven like

strength to the Bulls offense". Uh, LeBron is the best bas-

a shuttle into space. That understanding will evolve and

ketball player in the world right now (though probably not

mature over time. An adult will understand the fact in a

the MVP this season due to the Slim Reaper, Kevin Durant),

more subtle way.

does this really need to be said? It's like saying "Dennis

The trouble for Wellhausen was not so much biblical criti-

Rodman will have a rebounding presence". Admittedly, the

cism, such as the redaction process of the Bible over some

Bulls struggle offensively but regardless, no shit he will

2,000 years because that sort of stuff has come a long way

add strength to the Bulls offense - he would add offensive

since his time and merely serves to strengthen the case

strength to any starting five you could ever dream of. Do

for the truth of the Bible. His problem was his rationalistic

you really need to say he will take on a big scoring role?

approach to revelation: to consider that the methods of

The man is averaging 26.8 PPG, averages 27.5 PPG over his

empirical science are also the ultimate test of truth for all

career - he is THE main scoring role on any team he goes

other spheres of human (rational) knowledge, particularly

to, not some role player you chuck on your fantasy basket-

of philosophy and theology. If the only truth we can affirm

ball team because you're running low on points.

about reality is what we can see out of the Hubble tele-

I just can't even fathom how someone could write about

scope’s eye socket or down the microscope’s tube, then we

basketball, or even follow it loosely, and call the Bulls

are limiting our world to the material reality. What meaning

defense mediocre? Insanity.

is there for the artwork by the Lady Goodfellow chapel lake

Anyway, props to writing about sports though. Just keep

in such a world?

it informed.

to publish any letter which breaches any

Father Andrew Paris

law, is defamatory to any person, or con-

Catholic Chaplain

tains threats of violence or hate speech.

The University of Waikato

nexusmag.co.nz

Got something to say? Email editornexusmag.co.nz

nexus magazine

NEWS

CYCLING COMMUTERS INCREASING CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF KADER

9-1 VOTE SEES FLUORIDE BACK IN YA THIRD EYE! ANARU WARREN

—

— New data from last year’s census shows that more New Zealanders are choosing to cycle to work. The data, released on the 25th of March, shows that the number of people riding their bikes to work has increased by 16% over 2006 figures. While welcoming the news, Greens co-leader Metiria Turei said that the increasing numbers of cyclists are using the roads in spite of the government’s

Hamilton City Council voted on Thursday 27th to reintroduce fluoride into the water supply within 6-8 weeks. Hamilton City Council had held out on voting on the matter until a ruling by the Taranaki High Court came through. In the May ruling, it was decided by Justice Rodney Hansen that councils have the right to fluoridate water. He analogised the

“THE DATA, RELEASED ON THE 25TH OF MARCH, SHOWS THAT THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE RIDING THEIR BIKES TO WORK HAS INCREASED BY 16% OVER 2006 FIGURES.”

fluoridation to adding iodine to salt or folic acid to bread where it is an “intervention made to achieve public health benefits by means which could not be achieved nearly as effectively by medicating the populace individually.” Over 40,000 people had expressed their views through various channels, including the referendum that was held last year at the local elections. “The overwhelming majority if those [who put forward views] wanted the water fluoridated.” Said Mayor Julie Hardaker. Of the 13 councillors (including the Mayor), only Philip Yeung voted against, while Martin Gallagher abstained. Dave Macpherson and Margaret Forsyth were

failure to invest adequately in cycle lanes. Transport Minister Gerry Brownlee responded that "no government in New Zealand's history has spent so much on both urban and rural cycling as this government". Turei pointed out that of NZ Transport's 1300 staff, only seven work on cycling projects while there are 21 in its Public Relations department. The Greens have recently announced a plan for investment in walking and cycling infrastructure worth $200 million.

not present.

CRAPPY CARS RACING FOR A CAUSE ANARU WARREN

—

FUCK YEAH, FREE ACADEMIC PUBLICATIONS! GABRIEL BANKIER-PERRY

— The University of Waikato just became the first New Zealand university to

Vehicular idiosyncrasies will run wild as a group of altruistic drivers line up their

approve a mandate for open access to academic publications. This badass move

motley rides to rally the "$1000-Dollar-Car-Challenge" in an effort to raise funds and

means that Waikato scholars can disseminate their research as widely as pos-

awareness for the Hopeworks Foundation for people suffering from neurological

sible, removing the need to pay subscriptions to read it. Waikato academics will

disorders. The rally began in Auckland on 22 March and the six drivers now must

now be encouraged to submit their publications to a digital repository called

survive 250-400 km travelling each day, concluding their journey in Bluff on April 2.

Research Commons, after which they can be freely accessed by all.

The participant’s cars, a ‘89 Toyota Corolla, ‘90 Honda Legend,’91 Nissan Bluebird,

Matt McGregor of Creative Commons New Zealand welcomed the move.

‘92 Honda Accord, ‘93 Honda Domani and a ‘94 Telstar TX5 are familiar student

“This is a great achievement by Waikato. In passing the mandate, they join other

favourites. Pit stops are permitted for roadside repairs using just a roll of duct tape,

world-class institutions from all over the world in ensuring that the public has

a carpenter's hammer, a screwdriver and adjustable wrench.

free and open access to Waikato's high quality research.” Well done, Waikato!

nexus magazine

529 PEOPLE SENTENCED TO DEATH OF THE MURDER OF ONE POLICE OFFICER… CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF KADER

— An Egyptian court has sentenced 529 people to death for the murder of one police officer in a summary trial. The officer was killed in mid-August 2013 at a police station in the city of Minya. The killing occurred during a riot in the wake of the violent expulsion and massacre of protesters in Cairo on August 14, 2013. The defendants were also found guilty of crimes such as looting and membership of a banned organisation. Human Rights campaigners and lawyers involved have said that the trial was rife with

CHAOS IN CAR

irregularities and flagrant disregard for procedure. The Judge who passed the sentence has been criticised for his rulings in the past, such as acquitting police officers who had shot dead protesters.

GABRIEL BANKIER-PERRY

The same court is now taking on the trail of 682 more Muslim Brotherhood supporters, including

—

the Supreme Guide of the movement Mohamed Badie.

The Central African Republic is bleeding, as a top UN official deplores the “terrifying level” of violence reached there. High Commissioner Navi Pillay, who visited the capital Bangui recently, said atrocities were being committed with

IT’S NOT RAPE IF… SARA LEMME

“total impunity”. “People apprehended with blood on their machetes and severed body parts in

—

their hands have been allowed to go free because there is nowhere to detain them and no means to charge them with the crimes they have clearly committed,” she reported.

…you marry her after? Convicted rapists in Mozambique can escape imprisonment if they marry their victims. That is how it stands under the current

The violence began last year when the mainly-Muslim rebel group Séléka

legislation that is more than a century old. However, what has caused outrage

seized control of the majority Christian nation. Since then the country had

with Human Rights activists is that the new penal code that is going through

descended into anarchy, with a weak interim government unable re-establish

parliament has left this “marriage effect” clause in.

authority.

Convicted rapists have the option, under this clause, to marry and stay married

Christian villages formed militias to defend themselves against Séléka atrocities, but these soon began committing atrocities of their own. The situation has now spiralled into a bloodbath of reprisals and counter-reprisals, with civilians on both sides bearing the brunt.

to their victims for at least 5 years and receive a suspended sentence during that time. A march on parliament of 300 people, mostly women, was led in opposition of the retaining of the colonial-era clause. The definition of rape as it stands in

There have also been reports of cannibalism and beheading of children.

the new law only accounts for vaginal penetration and ignores oral, anal rape

Peacekeeping forces from France, the EU and the African Union are in the coun-

and the like. Activists fear this new law will deny justice to victims of these

try, but many more will be needed to stop the conflict turning into an all-out

other forms of rape.

genocide. The UN estimates almost a million people have been displaced by the violence.

Amnesty International is currently campaigning against this sort of legislation which is also current in countries such as Algeria and Tunisia.

A WIFE FOR EVERY OCCASION! SARA LEMME

— If you are a male and love lots and lots of women and

MP Junet Mohammed spoke in the house explaining

you can’t decide which to marry, just marry them all!

“When you marry an African woman, she must know the

… in Kenya, because polygamy has just become legal

second one is on the way, and a third wife” proceeding

there- but only for men.

The bill did not fly through without heavy opposi-

right to veto their husband’s decision to have one or

tion from female MPs. “We know that men are afraid

two or three hundred and fifty extra wives; traditionally,

of women’s tongues more than anything else,” Soipan

first wives had to give approval. However this right was

Tuya said. Following a lengthy debate, female MPs

later removed in a revision pushed through by male

stormed out.

parliamentarians.

nexusmag.co.nz

to remind people “this is Africa.”

The recently passed bill initially had given wives the

nexus magazine

OBVIOUSLY NOTHING COMPARED TO THE BOSTON BOMBING, BUT STILL….

EUROPE IS THE GO TO FOR ASYLUM SEEKERS ANARU WARREN

—

CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF KADER

—

Syria, Russia and Afghanistan have become the world’s largest source of asylum seekers, while Europe has become the largest haven for asylum seekers in 2013, with a 32% increase from

The Afghan presidential candidate Ashraf Ghani was targeted

2012.

in the suicide bombing of an electoral commission building

has yet claimed responsibility for this attack but the Taliban

KONY STILL RIVALLING OSAMA FOR HIDE N SEEK CHAMP

and the Islamic Movement of Uzbekistan are known to operate

ANARU WARREN

in this area.

—

adjacent to his home In Kabul.

THE KAURI TREES ARE DYING, YO CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF KADER

—

The attack is the latest in a series of actions carried out in anticipation of the countries' April 5th presidential election. Earlier 15 people were killed and 27 wounded in an attack in the city of Maymana, capital of the Faryab province. No one

Kauri dieback disease has reached the trees of the Coromandel, one of only two areas in New Zealand that were as yet unaffected by the blight. The microbe Phytophthora taxon Agathis (PTA) which causes kauri dieback was first described in 2008 and exclusively effects New Zealand kauri. The government has been accused of negligence in preventing the spread of the disease. Critics say that the Department of

PLANT APP CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF KADER

—

aircraft is the United States' latest contribution to aid the hunt for fugitive Ugandan leader of Lord's Resistance Army [LRA], Joseph Kony. LRA rebels are alleged to have murdered, raped and kidnapped thousands of citizens throughout Uganda, south

The University of Otago and MEA Mobile have developed an

Sudan, Democratic Republic of Congo and C.A.R.

app for identifying native plants called Flora Finder. Dr Graham Strong, from Otago's commercialisation branch, says the app

“WITHOUT ADEQUATE FUNDING FOR THE EFFORTS TO STOP THE SPREAD OF THE DISEASE THE KAURI IS AN ENDANGERED ICON...”

100 combat-equipped troops and a few CV-22 Osprey military

will allow you to quickly identify 87 common native trees and shrubs. The app can also remember the location of a specimen.

RESERVES

FLAT WHITE THE FAV ANARU WARREN

—

CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF KADER

Conservation and Ministry for Primary Industry have not been adequately funded to deal with kauri dieback. “After two years of refusing to commit funding to the vital scientific research and disease management work, it is time now for the Government to stump up with the cash... The kauri is one of our most beloved species. Without adequate funding for the efforts to stop the spread of the disease the kauri is an

— Conservation Minister Dr Nick Smith has formally established three new marine reserves covering 435,000 hectares of ocean surrounding the New Zealand Subantarctic Islands. Dr Smith said “The marine reserve status... means there can be no fishing, no mining, no petroleum exploration and no marine farming in these waters".

endangered icon" said Labour's Associate Environment spokesperson, Phil Twyford. Green Party conservation spokesperson Eugenie Sage echoed the sentiment, "DOC and MPI need funding to properly tackle kauri dieback. Instead it's been left to private charities such as the Tindall Foundation to step in and help fund core conservation work." Last year the Tindall Foundation donated $30,000 to make up for funding shortfalls in research and prevention of PTA.

EGG CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF KADER

—

An estimated 95% of New Zealanders prefer milk with their hot beverage, according to the latest survey of over 22000 participants by Australasian coffee franchise Muffin Break. Kiwi participants rate flat white as their favourite coffee, while Australians rate cappuccino as the best. The ordained latte, however, ranked equal second favourite of both countries.

UNITED FUTURE HAS NO FRIENDS ANARU WARREN

— Ratings at the Wellington based student radio show "Your Dog's

The first ever New Zealand Storm Petrel Egg to be documented

Been Sprayed" has become more popular with the Facebook

has been found on Great Barrier Island by scientists studying

Generation than Peter Dunne's political party, United Future.

the bird there. Presumed extinct since 1850, New Zealand Storm

Producer, writer, director, editor and promoter of the show,

Petrels were rediscovered in 2003. The birds were tracked to

James Barber, said " Obviously we have more listeners than

breeding sites on Great Barrier Island February last year.

United Future has members but for this to transfer into actual likes on Facebook really surprised me”

nexus magazine

CONSTRUCTION OF LAW/MNGT BUILDING

NEWS FROM THE UNIVERSITY

—

Construction of the new Law and Management building on Hillcrest Road (next to PWC lecture theatre) will begin in April. Gate 7 on Hillcrest Road will be closed on Monday 6 April and University staff will access the WMS staff carpark through the Gate 10 (Silverdale Road) carpark. Students are advised to please be aware of the new barrier separating staff and general parking areas inside the Gate 10 carpark.

LIBRARY COMMITTEE REP — If you are a postgraduate student and would like to raise a concern about a Library matter, or would like to provide some positive feedback to ensure current Library services you enjoy are kept in place, you can get in touch with your postgraduate student representative Jacinda at jah57@students.waikato.ac.nz. She will ensure your voice is heard at the next Library Committee meeting.

INTEGRATED DATA ROADSHOW WEDNESDAY — Statistics New Zealand invites all postgraduate students to the Integrated Data Roadshow on Wednesday 2 April from 2.30-3.30pm in ELT. Statistics NZ has revised how Government data is grouped and accessed, and the new system will allow academic researchers to look across the data to identify patterns, connections and outcomes for New Zealanders. Finance Minister Hon Bill

CHANGES TO STUDENT EMAIL ADDRESSES

English will open the roadshow and there will be time for questions following the presentation.

WEDNESDAY DROP-IN SESSIONS

— From 5 July 2014 the University is removing the @waikato.ac.nz alias for all University-supplied student email addresses. This means that from this date you will only be able to use your username@students.waikato. ac.nz email address and will no longer receive any emails sent to the @waikato.ac.nz alias. This changes will improve the speed and security of our email network for all users. Make sure to let your contacts know, and check your website login and subscriptions details are updated before 5 July 2014.

— Need help preparing a CV, cover letter or have a general careers question? Career Development Services has 10-minute drop-in sessions every Wednesday from 10am-12noon for students who want advice. Just visit the Student Administration Desk on Level 2 of the Student Centre. Bring along your CV and one of our Career Development Advisers will review it - no appointment required.

nexusmag.co.nz

nexus magazine

WHO LOSES THE RELEGATION FIGHT? SPORTS GUY - OPINION

—

SPORT TIPS #3 – ANZ CHAMPIONSHIP. SPORTS GUY

— That’s right kids, I mean it when I say I watch and/ or follow every sport so this week I’m looking at the ANZ championship to provide you with a few tips. However, this week I’m not going to say bet on one team against another because that would somewhat waste my word count. For those of you who have been following, my advice is not going to come as a surprise so you might as well turn to the puzzle page now. But for those who haven’t it’s simple – if you see one of the Australian teams vs either the Mystics, Tactix or Steel in Australia, put your money on the Aussie team. Why? Because the way things are going in the early stages, the teams from over the ditch are looking so much better than our teams, even with the Steel just beating the West Coast Fever. If you want to be patriotic and only bet on the Kiwi teams (stupid idea but whatever), then I can only put faith in the Magic and Pulse. Forget that the Pulse just lost to the Tactix, upsets happen from time to time. But the Magic and the Pulse are the small beacons of hope that us Kiwis have of toppling one of the Aussie teams. As usual, the Magic look strong and will no doubt be seeing playoff action, and the ever improving Pulse have taken things up a notch with the signing of Irene

The English Premier League is drawing close

heavyweights Manchester City in the early

to the last few rounds. You’d think at this stage

going, many tipped Cardiff as one of the poten-

it would be quite obvious as to who takes the

tial giant killers of the league but, unfortunately

title and which teams are going to be playing

for the Bluebirds this did not eventuate, with a

their football in the championship division next

current W-D-L record of 6-7-18 and a goal dif-

season. However, this season has really been a

ference of -32. Even the loan signing of young

tale of two halves – the top half of the table seem

superstar Wilfred Zaha from Manchester United

to be another level to those in the bottom half. Just look at the point difference between the

has not been able to help Cardiff who look destined for a return to the championship.

9th and 10th teams on the table. Southampton

Finally, the third relegation spot. This one is

sit in 9th on 45 points, which is 8 points ahead

still largely up for grabs. It is currently where

of 10th placed Stoke City. 8 points separates 9th

Sunderland dwell on the table, however they

from 10th, whereas only 6 points separates 10th

have got games in hand over the other three

and 14th; and only 7 points separates 14th from

contenders Crystal Palace, West Bromwich

20th. With only 7 rounds to go, anyone from 14th

Albion and Swansea City who sit on 28, 28 and

place down could still be relegated. Here’s my

29 points respectively. Sunderland sit on 25

take on which 3 teams are going down and why.

points as it sits at the moment with two games

The first team I’m going to condemn is cur-

in hand. Fortunately for the other three teams

rent cellar dwellers Fulham. Fulham sit on a

in contention, having these games in hand will

meagre 24 points with a goal difference of -40

only harm Sunderland’s chances of escaping

and a win-draw-loss record of 7-3-21. Fulham

the bottom three. The two games are against

have struggled ever since their former fran-

frontrunners Liverpool and Manchester City, so

chise player Clint Dempsey left the club to join

Sunderland will leave these with no points and

Tottenham in the 2012-13 season. However,

a worse goal difference. It’ll be a close race, but

this season the Cottagers took too long to click

I’m locking Sunderland in for the final relegation

as a unit and play some good flowing football

spot. Simply put, they have been playing horren-

and found themselves in trouble early. Fulham

dous football this season and in the early going,

have, at times, shown brilliance this season but

for some strange reason, I honestly thought

unfortunately for them they’ve played their best

that for some reason they were tanking. Why?

football in the FA cup. Although players such as

Because the Sunderland squad is not fitting of

Steve Sidwell have done their part, the team as

one to be relegated. With the likes of Steven

a whole have been disappointing. I can honestly

Fletcher, Sebastian Larsson, Jozy Altidore and

say that I see absolutely zero chance of Fulham

Lee Cattermole, the Black Cats have the talent

playing in the EPL next season. Off to the cham-

to be a middle of the table team. The problem

pionship they go.

was in the form of former manager Paulo Di

The second team I think is doomed this season

Canio. Di Canio singed 14 new players at the

is Cardiff City. Cardiff were only promoted this

start of the season and sold off Sunderland stars

season, so it’s not a huge surprise that they’re

Simon Mingolet, James McClean and Stéphane

one of the league’s strugglers. Cardiff sealed

Sessègnon. Sunderland had just 1 point after the

their own fate after the very public split from

first 5 games and had already lost a lot of ground.

their most successful manager ever, Malkay

They’ll be playing their footy in the champion-

McKay, because he didn’t see eye to eye with

ship next season too.

the team owners. Following their 3-2 win over

Van Dyk. Remember, upsets do happen but more often than not, the Australian teams will beat the three struggling Kiwi teams. That’s all for this week – short and sweet. Good luck out there, kids.

nexus magazine

RIDICULIST

VOX POPS

Two Kids at Uni Edition.

Vox populi is a Latin phrase that literally means voice of the people.

1 Taxis Why the fuck do we still have to pay for these things, some motherfucker should buy the students a magic school bus that flies us into town.

Hamish, History & French. What does Student Culture mean to you? An engaging academic environment. I try to keep the learning to a minimum though so I don't get a down buzz. What are you worrying about right now? Being made to sing by this guy. And trying to find a job. What did you have for breakfast? Four pieces of toast with butter.

2 Public Drinking fines. This is just straight bullshit. How can I get fined $250 for going across the road to my friend’s house with an open

Alex, French. What does Student Culture mean to you? Being here to learn. What are you worrying about right now? Money. How I'm going to pay my fees and Student Loan. What did you have for breakfast? Pita Pit.

Waikato in my hand? Let’s stop punishing students and start arresting more douches who break into our houses.

Troy, French & Japanese.

Grocery Budget

What does Student Culture mean to you? Making friends, having a good

You can never find enough money to cover vegetables but

time, some occasional learning. What are you worrying about right now?

a box of Lion Brown will always fit on your shopping list.

Passing exams and I want to save to travel but I can't because it's so

expensive to live. What did you have for breakfast? A bowl of Just Right.

UniMart Fuck you unimart. I’m poor as fuck already, I don’t want to have to pay $5 for my bag of munchos. Being a UniMart should mean the prices are affordable for uni students. It’s blind robbery!

Bonnie, Theatre. What does Student Culture mean to you? A mix of different people. What are you worrying about right now? Getting my assignments done. What did you have for breakfast? Coco Pops.

5 Wanking No matter how many times people have been caught doing this no one has come up with a decent excuse. And no, “Aw I was just scratching my nuts” does not work.

6 Liquor Stores Why do we still go to these? Surely some entrepreneurial student can start bootlegging home brew spirits for $15 a litre.

Sinead, English & History. What does Student Culture mean to you? Well, culture is a diverse group of people with something in common, so that's what student culture is- a diverse group of people with common interests. Like drinking. What are you worrying about right now? Getting my assignments back- I want to see where I'm at. What did you have for breakfast? Two Weetbix.

Jessica, English and Sport & Leisure Studies. What does Student Culture mean to you? A group of different nationalities from different schools with study in common. What are you worrying about right now? Getting my assignments in and finding out whether I'm on the right track. What did you have for breakfast? I didn't have any.

Lectures The fact that over 50% of people in them don’t even listen.

8 No annual event Why doesn’t Waikato have a fucking epic festival or party yet? I say we all bring inflatable boats from the Warehouse and a box to the campus lake and start a boat party! We could be like pirates.

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Seren, Science & Maths. What does Student Culture mean to you? Getting smashed and hooking up. What are you worrying about right now? Fitting everything in with time to sleep. What did you have for breakfast? Toast with butter.

nexus magazine

Inside Llewyn Davis

Pompeii

FILM REVIEW BY DR RICHARD SWAINSON

FILM REVIEW BY DARCIE MAJOR

Audiences often have issues with Coen brothers films. Sometimes their

Paul W.S. Anderson (arguably best known for the Resident Evil series)

narratives are wilfully obscure. The themes are seldom spelt out. Even

brings us Pompeii, the story of Milo (Kit Harrington), a Celtic man whose

the tone can be difficult to pin down. Are they always taking the piss or is

family and tribe were butchered by Roman men. Milo became a slave and

something more profound going on?

then a gladiator fighting in the city of Pompeii where he falls for Cassia

Inside Llewyn Davis presents few of these problems. The storyline is

(Emily Browning), a lady of the city who has the favour of a senator of

straightforward enough: a week in the life of a struggling folk singer in

Rome (Kiefer Sutherland). The movie sets around the events leading up to

Greenwich village in 1961. The title character isn't that mysterious. Llewyn

and during the eruption of Mount Vesuvius which leads to the destruction

Davis is at the end of his tether. Short on funds with no permanent abode,

of the city.

he lives day to day, sleeping on the couches of long-suffering friends. A

Although Pompeii attempted to have the Gladiator feel, it didn’t quite

faith in his own talent keeps him going but even that is beginning to wane.

have the depth. The movie failed to have any ‘wow factor’ really (unless

The Coens' usual excellence in writing, casting and acting is apparent.

you want to count Kit Harrington’s bod). Unfortunately the 3D seemed

Relative newcomer Oscar Isaac is excellent as Davis, delivering on the

completely unnecessary for this movie, but Pompeii was still quite decent

musical front and sustaining sufficient audience sympathy beyond the

much to my own surprise. It flowed, it didn’t linger unnecessarily on any

character's hot-headed temper and bluster. Familiar faces flesh out the

points and despite it not having the epic action scenes I thought it would,

supporting cast, from a cute-but-harder-edged-than-usual Carey Mulligan

it still held my interest throughout.

to a goatee-sporting Justin Timberlake and deathless looking F Murray

Guys, if you are worried about it being too gooey, don’t be. I thought

Abraham. Coen veteran John Goodman steals every scene as an embit-

there would be goo here, goo there, goo everywhere, but there wasn’t due

tered and crippled heroin addict. Quietly moving without indulging sentiment and frequently laugh-outloud funny the film is a fascinating evocation of time and place. Only those

to other things going on in the story. In saying that, for those wanting a bit of goo, the female lead is present enough to keep it balanced and bring it back to the fact that it’s a love story.

whose musical tolerance doesn't stretch to folk tunes or who anticipate a parody along the lines of Christopher Guest's A Mighty Wind will be disappointed. For any free of such prejudice or expectation the charms are considerable.

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Born into This ALBUM REVIEW BY HP

Queens of the Stone Age & Nine Inch Nails CONCERT REVIEW BY RACHAEL ELLIOTT

1991 was an interesting year for music. Madonna still mattered. Decent rock returned with Nirvana’s Nevermind album. LL Cool J was still a rapper. Oh History! And in Aotearoa, Tim Gummer, Keith Hill and Steve Garden formed Rattle; a tiny but exceptionally important indie record label championing musical art away from the normal pressures of mainstream success. The label has continued to produce award winning musicians working across Classical, Jazz and Te Taonga Puoro (the traditional instruments of MAori). Born Into This is a compilation of the best of the label’s rich history and it's free from rattlerecords.net. The late Hirini Melbourne opens with the haunting, Raureka. Its whistling instrumental feels patriotic and fragile. Victoria Kelly emulates this feel beautifully with arrangements around Melbourne’s graceful Homai O Ringa. It is music to swim in; a warm and gentle stream. And then we’re off to something completely different! Sparkling jazz is here in spades. Then there’s the sparse and elegant piano from Phil Dudson, pockets of intricate strings from Kim Halliday and the genre melting duo, Arcades. This compilation is such a success for so many reasons. Firstly it is comprised of a long list of exceptional musicians and secondly its production takes us through their work like a well-seasoned tour guide. But just as importantly, this compilation is a reminder of the art and beauty out in the world that often is eclipsed by narrow focuses, over-work and apathy. Hold your breath and dive into this.

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QOTSA lost the coin toss but they didn’t actually lose a damn thing. I’m not sure if I had slightly lower expectations for QOTSA because last time they were here their sound was a bit suck-ass and it’s usually just the Josh Homme show, or if they really brought it because they were up first- but WOW. The band were tight, the visuals were amazing, the sound was spot on (apart from Josh being a little quiet if I’m being really picky) and Jon Theodore carved up on drums. Highlights for me were Feel Good Hit Of The Summer, Smooth Sailing, Vampyre of Time and Memory, Go with the Flow and of course, their finale of A Song For The Dead. Josh Homme makes me proud to be ginger. The sound was good for QOTSA but it was even better for NIN. They played a truly massive set. I know they’ve copped some flak for producing a ‘happy’ record with Hesitation Marks, but it didn’t feel like that at all at the gig- it felt sexy as hell. And frankly, Trent Reznor can be as happy as he fucking likes- after hearing his wife Maiqueen Maandig sing, I wanted to marry her too. If I had to choose I’d say that Head Like a Hole was a truly religious experience, and I tried to pick highlights, but it was just… I can’t even… my favourite was the one where Trent was singing and Ilan Rubin on drums was… Ilan Rubin. *salivates* I’ll never be the same.

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The Intentions Book Infamous Second Sons BOOK REVIEW BY RENEE BOYER-WILLISSON

GAME REVIEW BY PHOENIXKING

There’s something not quite right about Morris. Comfortable in the world

Delve into the world of the supernatural, the super-powered and the super-

of numbers, facts and lists, Morris finds himself adrift, socially, without his

awesome Infamous Second Sons. Fresh off the shelf from Sucker Punch

late wife Sadie. Jokes confuse him, he does not like to be touched, and

this game continues seven years after the events of Infamous 2 takes

it seems that he cannot cry.

place. Unlike Sucker Punch, which only gives you the same old Electricity

When Morris’ adult daughter, Rachel, fails to return from a solo tramping

powers to play around with, this next gen title also delivers more unique

trip in the Tararuas by her indicated “panic time”, the search and rescue

powers such as smoke and neon (I won't spoil the others, but Google

co-coordinator asks the family what she is like. Morris’ son, David, turn

might if you search). The powers have their own unique abilities, and

to Morris because “she’s like you.” Morris must turn inwards to discover

whether propelling through vents or dashing through the city as a neon

exactly what he is like, and whether the ‘wrongness’ his daughter may

entity this game really shows off next gen gaming for consoles. The graph-

have inherited from him is something that may have contributed to her

ics are stunning and standing on top of the Space Needle with the wind

being lost and alone in the challenging Tararua Range.

blowing and howling really gives you a sense of life in the sprawling Seattle.

The Intentions Book by Gigi Fenster is masterful in that very little hap-

The one nitpick about this game I have is that it's relatively short: about

pens, in terms of the immediate event – the search for Rachel – and yet it

12hrs of gameplay allowed me to complete it 100% with all collectibles

is very difficult to put down. A brilliant study of character and relationships,

and story complete. In saying that, there are two versions of this game,

the exploration of Morris takes us inside the head of the type of man who

the good karma story or the bad karma story, each of which shape the

is rarely granted the role of protagonist. The oddness that Morris senses in

world differently and change who your character is as a person. They are

himself becomes clear to the reader through a series of beautifully crafted,

also releasing tie-in online content which I think is brilliant. Solving a crime

gradually unfolding vignettes and Morris begins to find a new kind of peace

over the next six weeks keeps you engaged in the game and gives you

with himself in a world without Sadie, his anchor. The tramping theme that permeates the book situates it firmly in New

something to do. This game is fantastic, the only question now is, do I save or kill my way through the story?

Zealand. However, this tale doesn’t have the slightly self-conscious gloominess that I have noticed in a lot of contemporary New Zealand writing. http://booksellersnz.wordpress.com

nexus magazine

HØNEST MATT MEETS CAMERON SLATER Honest Matt Matt Hicks

Matt Hicks talks to NZ’s most controversial (and most read) political blogger

pack rape my daughter. Am I going to be cowed by ferals? Never. A few

Cameron Slater - the man behind the always-entertaining Whale Oil blog.

weeks ago I read a quote by another journalist that said (roughly) “If I’m

How long has the Whale Oil blog been going? When and why did you

not getting death threats, I’m not doing my job properly”. You have had

decide to start writing a blog? About 8 years ago I was spending most

quite a bit of media exposure over the years for deliberately flouting

of my days in bed suffering from a debilitating form of clinical depression. I

name suppression laws. What changes would you like to see to the

occasionally surfaced to read the news and blogs. I ended up yelling at the

name suppression laws? How should they be? I take full responsibility

screen a lot, mostly because people had no clue what they were talking

for breaking the law. I have been to court, been convicted, and the cost

about. The lies, the ignorance, it was painful to read. Someone suggested

and fines were extremely disruptive. Would I do it again? No. Although I

I start my own blog as a form of therapy. Get it out of my system, so

am proud of the exposure and changes that resulted from my protests, I

to speak. How many hours a day do you spend blogging? Do you

will now keep my protests within the law. A lot of people disagree with

have a structured workflow or do you just blog when inspiration

your opinions and aren’t afraid to throw a nasty comment your way.

hits? Two to four hours a day actually writing posts. The rest of the day

Does criticism ever get you down or is it just water off a ducks back?

is all the work that goes into getting the background material, interviews,

How do you deal with it? Depends who says it. Most of it is water off

meetings and general networking that keeps the information flowing. You

a duck’s back. But when someone you deeply respect comes along and

and your family received death threats after you called a dead West

says, “Cam, that wasn’t right”, it gets past the thick skin and I’ll have a

Coaster ‘feral’. Has this experience changed you? Will you be more

good think about it.

careful with your comments in the future for your family’s sake or

But on the whole, the critics from political parties, media and vocal public

will you continue to say what you feel? I exercised my free speech

are wasting their time. More often than not I find it entertaining and proof

and did nothing illegal. This caused some people to threaten to hurt or kill

positive I’m getting people to think and talk about the issues I care about.

my family. One person even explained in detail how they were going to

More at sounzgood.co.nz.

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Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) Uranus. We were trying to build an inclusive planetary theme around most of the horoscopes this week but every time we got to the planet Uranus the horoscope writer would act like a silly child. We’re sorry. Also it is important that you get a colonoscopy by the time you’re 30. A healthy colon is a happy colon? Look after your anus.

Venus has arrived which means love is in the air this week and you can feel justified for your actions. Unfortunately there is no planet, zodiac or Roman God for the dirty, no names exchanged one night stand with that guy you met at the bar last week so you are on your own explaining that one.

The alignment of the planets have left you re-evaluating all of your life choices. Are you making the right decisions? Are you on the right path? Is social science even a real thing? Is it more social or more science? For your sake I hope it is less science because you are reading horoscopes Galileo.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Mars is causing all sorts of havoc with you this week. The anger and rage that has been steadily building ever since the mature student in the front of the lecture hall started her 14th question has finally built up to breaking point. You are going to snap soon. Have you thought about gardening? It’s a great way to relieve stress and the gardening club meets once a week on campus.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Neptune comes into your alignment this week and something is a little fishy, it feels a little like you are drowning under the pressure of work and study. Also you may have crabs.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Pluto and Jupiter are on a collision course. It started when Pluto was at this party talking shit about all the girls he had slept with and then Jupiter was all “This party is for planets only get the fuck out.” The lesson: Parties at Snead are epic and full of fist fights.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Mercury doesn’t even care if you’re in love with Saturn. The sex wasn’t even that great. You’re a bitch Sarah and I still love you.

Mercury is out of alignment with Saturn. They had been trying to line up for a while but eventually they decided they were from two different worlds. The sex was still amazing but Saturn just wanted more. It wasn’t that Saturn didn’t love Mercury she just wasn’t IN love with Mercury.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

HOROSCOPES

If you are just waking up today from a very successful St Patricks day then you may have officially won University. Congratulations. The stars have nothing left to teach you.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Some people say that student culture is nothing more or less than having a great time with your friends, meeting new people and going to sick parties with the added benefit of getting a degree at the end. You could learn a lot from these people.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

If it feels like you are alone and isolated in this world just remember scientists estimate there are around 175 sextilion planets. I guess what I am trying to say is that we are all alone comparatively and you should just deal and move on.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

Saturn wasn’t going to mention this because she was trying to spare Mercury’s feelings but she had aligned with a LOT of other planets before she even met you and planets like Jupiter are much bigger than you. Also I was with Venus once because I am young and I experimented. I didn’t tell you because I knew you would be a child about it.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

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Student Life Playlist BEATS BY J

YG / Jeezy / Rich Homie Quan

My Nigga

A$AP Ferg / A$AP Rocky / Trap Lord

Work Remix

Drake / Nothing Was The Same

Worst Behavior

Young Dro / FDB

FDB

Beyoncé / Beyoncé

Drunk in Love

Calvin Harris / Tinie Tempah / 18 Months

Drinking from the Bottle

Enrique Iglesias / Ludacris / DJ Frank E

Tonight (I'm Fucking You)

Jackal / One Love Bass Trap

Shakedown

Dillon Francis / DJ Snake

Get Low

Riff-Raff / How to be the Man How to be the Man

I Run This - Original Mix Luminox / All Trap Music

Flosstradamus & DJ Sliink / Nomads CROWD CTRL

Keys'n'Krates / Ultra Trap Treat Me Right

Flosstradamus / Ultra Trap Rollup - Baauer Remix

Fuzzy Peach - LOUDPVCK Remix

Brillz & Minxx / RETWONKED

Etc! Etc! & Brillz / Jeffree's Volume 5

Swoop

Yellow Claw / Amsterdam Twerk Music

DJ Turn It Up

Follow nexusmagazine on Spotifiy.

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AUTEUR HOUSE PRESENTS... COEN BROTHERS Auteur Dr Richard Swainson

Inside Llewyn Davis has finally made its way to Lido cinemas. It's the

5. The Man Who Wasn't There (2001) - a return to the black and white

year shy of a three decade career. No modern American director has a

aesthetic and jaded film noir themes of the early career, this stylistic tour

record as consistent or diverse as theirs.

de force also throws surrealism and aliens into the mix. A slow burning

What might a Coen brothers 'Top 10' list look like? Auteur House stocks all of their earlier work but these are arguably the best: 1. Barton Fink (1991) - It's often forgotten that this mixture of Hollywood

masterpiece for those with patience. Suggests that if you are behind the wheel when a teenage Scarlett Johansson surprises you with an offer of a blow-job the best response is to relax and enjoy the ride.

satire and horror unanimously won the Palm d'Or at Cannes. My personal

6. No Country for Old Men (2007) - the Oscar-winner, a bleak adaptation

favourite, it is a mysterious puzzle, as unsettling as it is intriguing. John

of Cormac McCarthy's novel. Not necessarily the best work, but very well

Turturro is a twitchy leftist writer, John Goodman a psychopath worthy of

crafted and overflowing with brilliant performances.

comparison with Norman Bates. 2. Fargo (1996) - Who can forget William H Macy's pathetic desperation

7. Burn After Reading (2008) - the most underrated film. A social and political satire of Dr Strangelove proportions. American stupidity has seldom

as a used car salesman whose plan to kidnap his own wife for the ransom

been as amusingly conveyed. Brad Pitt's thick-as-pig-shit personal trainer

money goes horribly wrong? Wood chippers have never been the same

character and George Clooney's dildo machine are particular stand-outs.

since. 3. The Big Lebowski (1998) - has there ever been a more lyrical, sophisticated defense of the stoner ethos? Jeff Bridges enjoys the role of a lifetime as a relaxed dude for whom the 60s never ended. 4. O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000) - the boys take on Homer's The Odyssey, re-locating the action to the American south during the time of the Great Depression. Beautiful, tuneful and hilarious. George Clooney

channels Clark Gable and a genuine movie star is born before our eyes.

16th feature by the brothers Coen, a filmmaking duo who are now just one

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8. A Serious Man (2009) - the Coens stray into autobiography for the first time here, drawing on their own 1960s upbringing as the sons of a Jewish academic. The narrative is often baffling. Fun but obscure in meaning. 9. True Grit (2010) - less a remake of the John Wayne Western classic than a fresh, cleaner and faithful adaptation of the source novel on which it was based. Demonstrates that no genre is beyond the boys' talent. 10. Inside Llewyn Davis (2013) - see my review on page 11.

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ART, MONEY AND THE LATEST RESEARCH Arts & Stuff Peter Dornauf

I love the latest research. The subject doesn’t always matter. I just want to keep up with what’s new and what’s been substantiated. The latest about the rich and rolling in it is that they’re a bunch of tight

Performing Arts Academy was built with money from one of Hamilton’s great benefactors, the very wealthy Sir William Gallagher. And the content of this same building, namely the art hanging permanently on the walls,

arses. It’s true. Research says so. The richer you are the meaner you are.

are courtesy of that other generous arts philanthropist and patron, the

Gotta protect all that moolah. The flipside is that the poor are generous. I

well-heeled Sir James Wallace.

know that for a fact because my brother is relatively poor but he’d give you the shirt off his back. Hardly a representative sample I know but…. I take some quiet satisfaction in the knowledge that the rich are going to

This benevolent practice is part of a modern phenomenon that has seen some of the rich contribute in major ways to the arts, either through altruism or in a desperate attempt to save their own souls. Either way we

fry in Hell, if you believe the word of some old Jewish prophet. And they

have the Tate Gallery in London thanks to sugar merchant, Henry Tate, The

deserve to because according to the latest findings of social psycholo-

Guggenheim Museum in New York paid for from the mining wealth of the

gist, Paul Piff from Berkeley, the affluent are effluent and warrant perdition.

Guggenheim family and the Getty Museum in Los Angeles built on the

Research reveals they’re a bunch of mean-fisted, greedy, ill-mannered bas-

proceeds from oil that made the J Paul Getty Empire.

tards who are not averse to a bit of lying and cheating along the way. Into

In our more modest establishment on campus, two works currently

this squalid mix comes the revelation that they possess less empathetic

hanging in the auditorium foyer space of the Performing Arts Academy

feelings for those further down the food chain. What a surprise. He also

that are worth a look are Richard Killeen’s Three Patterns, 1975, and Shona

found a direct proportional correlation between wealth and ethical conduct.

Rapita Davies, Hands, 1993. Both use the ethnic triangular motif and play

The more pots of dough, the more perverted, crooked and corrupt. Tell, us

with it in various ways – Killeen employing a more experimental approach

something we don’t know.

involving an art historical abstract trope, while Davies makes more conven-

The archetypal embodiment of all the above would have to be that handrubbing mutant, Mr. Montgomery Burns from The Simpsons. But there are, of course, exceptions to the rule and two of them are

tional reuse of the form. For these we have to thank the rich, the ones with heart and soul which gainsay the latest research.

directly connected to campus life here and linked to the arts. The Gallagher

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LONDON, ENGLAND Overseas Experience Onyx Lily

I hate to spoil the illusion that London is somewhere buzzing and

If you are looking for work but still want to travel, temping is the best

spend an hour on the Northern Line crushed into the sweaty armpits

way to go. You usually get a fairly decent wage and (if you are reliable and

of disgruntled commuters, navigate your way through a crowd of

motivated) a steady income, but with flexibility to take time off when you

drunken football hooligans after a big game, or listen to the grubby-

want to. There are loads of agencies in London, and most people sign up

mouthed chavs in Burberry mini-belts riding the top deck of the bus,

with more than one. This can get tricky with tax as every time you change

and some of the gleam starts to wane.

agencies for a job, you should be filling in a P40, which gets complicated

I’ve been in the UK for 3½ years now, in London just over 2, and to be fair

and tiresome. Most agencies can offer both office and industrial work, but

I have enjoyed most of my time. There are a heap of Kiwis and Australians

if you have niche skills such as legal or medical experience, find a specialist

here, with work available for the determined and easy access to the rest

agency as the wages will be much higher!

of Europe - the novelty of a weekend in France or Spain still hasn’t worn

The main thing I’ve missed about New Zealand is the friendly, welcoming

off! Once you start earning sterling and stop converting everything back

nature of the Kiwis and their can-do attitude. Obviously this is a generalisa-

to Kiwi money in your head, the prices aren’t too bad and there’s plenty

tion, but many Brits are by nature negative and will say “no” much quicker

to see and do.

than “yes”. The weather is pretty crap in winter, and in summer you long

If you get homesick while in London, you can always hang out at The

to get out of the smoggy city and away from the crowds. And one thing all

Walkabout - a chain of pubs serving Australian, New Zealand and South

Kiwis say about the pollution is that you get “black bogeys” (unpleasant I

African drinks. You can also get a genuine Aussie pie, and the music is often

know, but unfortunately true). Saying that, there are some great opportuni-

from home as well. Or travel the tube for long enough and you’re bound to

ties for work and travel in London and the UK that simply don’t exist in New

hear an accent from home.

Zealand. So do what I am planning to - come over, travel as much as you

Note - the only people who talk to strangers on the tube are either crazy or from New Zealand, so don’t be surprised if people start edging away

from you when you start up a friendly conversation.

exotic, full of fashionable, sophisticated and cutting-edge folk, but

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can, save as much as you can, then head back to NZ and enjoy the amazing feeling of coming home. antisemantic.blogspot.co.nz.

nexus magazine

DEAD CHICKS ARE AWESOME TOO

ERNEST: WRITES A BOOK Awesome Dead Person Mike Bilodeau

Awesome Dead Person Mike Bilodeau

I tried. I really tried. I tried to write a column of the life and times I have recently had it brought to my attention that all of the individuals I have written about so far are bearded (or moustachioed, as the case may be). In an effort to correct this and break the trend, this individual is not only sans any facial hair at all, but doesn’t even have a penis on which to hang said lack of facial hair. Marie Curie’s accomplishments and contribution to the world of science are nothing short of miraculous. Starting small, she was the first woman to complete a doctorate in science in France. She was then the first person ever to synthesize the element ‘Polonium’ (which was subsequently named in honour of her native land of Poland) and then, the first to discover and synthesize Radium in 1903. She was also the first to coin the term ‘Radioactivity’ and first to realise that Radium could destroy living tissue, making her the first name in radiation based cancer treatment and inventor of radiotherapy (which was, in fact, originally called Curietherapy). For discovering these elements, she became the first woman to win a Nobel Prize (for physics in 1903) and then, for further studies in these elements and her discovery of Actinium, she received another Nobel Prize in Chemistry. This made her the first person to win two Nobel Prizes and the first (and, so far, the only) person to win Nobel prizes in two different scientific fields. Did I mention she was also integral to the invention of the x-ray machine… I suppose that’s pretty important too. All this without even growing a beard. Who knew it was even possible.

of Ernest Hemingway, but the whole thing came off like an insane ‘Comedy of Errors’ rip-off. Born, writes, war, injured, married, car crash, accident, injured, married, car crash, plane crash, plane crash, war, married, alcoholism, alcoholism, alcoholism, death. For a man beloved by so many people, God really did not do any favours for Mr Hemingway. So what do I write? Do I quote his work? Shit no. Do I talk about his exploits? Big-game hunter in Africa, bullfighting in Spain, deep-sea fishing in Florida. But, 2 weeks ago I wrote about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and I think he may still take the cake in terms of the writer/ action-hero combo. This is partially due to the fact that he didn’t nearly die every time he left the goddamn house. What about the fact that he looks like a kick-ass version of Tom Selleck (I write a history column, don’t expect references from after 1990). Well… I can write about that, but it doesn’t take up much space. He looks like Magnum PI. There. Done. Really, all I can say is that you should read his work. His strong, simplistic and succinct style, influenced by his early career in journalism, appears both effortless and beautiful. He doesn’t overcomplicate so as to flaunt a wide vocabulary or daunting intelligence, but instead strips his writing down to its barest bones so as to reveal its true intent and emotion. He was once, in fact, criticised for this by fellow Nobel Prize winner William Faulkner, whom stated that Hemingway “has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” Hemingway, in his typical, earnest (sorry) style, succinctly replied, “Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?” Literary burn.

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Two Kids at Uni RACHAEL ELLIOTT

Two Kids at University climbed off their roof briefly to chat with Nexus about why Waikato is the place to be, why our student culture needs a shake up and why getting in to trouble is funny.

What is Two Kids at University? Jules: Two Kids is a face-

Jules: The Halls were the funnest time we’ve ever had. The

book page that Louie and I started to show our videos. It

first year was unreal. The bonds I made, especially with the

started off in the halls because we started with a rap battle

guys in my block, they’re like family.

(Louie: Legendary) Jules: and it snowballed from there.

How would you guys define student culture? Or what is

Louie: Basically we’re just two social people in the halls that

Waikato’s student culture, what makes us different? Louie:

like to meet people. When we started the page heaps of our

That’s the problem. We don’t have a clear defined student cul-

mates liked it and then it took off.

ture and that’s one of our side goals-to carve out a student

Jules: We don’t even know what it is, we’re just two normal

culture that we don’t fucking have.

kids at Uni having a laugh.

What would it look like? Louie: We’re not scarfies at Otago,

How many likes have you got? Louie: Nearly 25,000.

we’re not just there to fuck shit up and live in hovels- we still

Jules: We’re just stoked anyone watches our videos aye. It’s

live in a proper city that has other shit going on. We’re not

real cool. It’s surprising.

Auckland in that we’re not traffic tolerating hipsters. Here at

What’s the best thing about being at uni? Both simultane-

Waikato we’re kind of like social studiers. There is getting a

ously: The people!

degree, but there’s also having an awesome time while you’re

Louie: he aha te mea nui? he tangata he tangata he tangata-

at it.

the number one thing that I’ll take away from uni is not a piece

Jules: We’ve got a lot of potential here. Our grounds are so

of paper, it’s straight up all the mates I’ve made.

awesome. It’s just I think it’s kind of gay that we can’t use

Jules: Yeah, I’ve met so many cool people and I’ve got heaps

the Waikato Grounds because… well, mainly we want to use

of friends back home and stuff but I’ve got friendships here

them for drinking games and stuff and obviously that doesn’t

that are just as strong which is pretty cool. Just being able

wash with the uni. But our uni is definitely up to date, we have

to meet a bunch of different people, I have two cities I can

all the facilities and then our flatting life is all good too. For

call home now.

me, I want to have events that are annual events- things that

Louie: In an age where Studylink has become more like

people actually go to- like Hyde in Dunedin- not the same as

arseholes and people are becoming poorer and it’s becoming

Hyde but that same sort of thing that people look forward to

harder and harder to come to uni and shit, flatting is becoming

each year. So we don’t just finish with O-week, we still have

way more attractive to people. But I hope that people don’t

some sort of community participation. We have heaps of cool

move because the number one thing for making friends and

people at Waikato but it’s really hard to organise everyone.

settling into uni and just having a great time is the Halls.

Louie: It would be cool to leave behind when we graduate

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from uni something that no other uni can replicate. I mean-

out of proportion thing.

there’s got to be something in that river float. I know

Louie: But mostly we think negative comments and

there’s so many issues with OSH and safety and drinking

hate and stuff is funny. Because they’re intelligent and

in a river and shit like that but there’s got to be something

they’re witty.

in it. I could so see people from Bay of Plenty, Tauranga,

Jules: They pay us out real good so you can’t really feel

Rotorua and Taupo travelling to come to do the river float.

upset about it, they’re awesome.

Will Two Kids be the people with the balls to actually

Are your parents proud of you? Jules: My parents are

make it a thing? Jules: Maybe, maybe not. The one thing

pretty chill, they like the fact that I’m doing something cre-

about the page is that we’re not the only kids at university.

ative and making videos that make people laugh. And that

We understand that there are other students and stuff. We

is the number one thing for us.

don’t have any plans for world domination as such, we’re

Louie: There has been more than one occasion where

just normal students as well. I just want to organise stuff,

we’ve had to delete something because my parents were

it would be cool.

disappointed. I have a mum who is an academic, she’s

What’s the most trouble you’ve been in? Louie: Just

been in uni for like 25 years, she’s got three degrees and a

“THERE HAS BEEN MORE THAN ONE OCCASION WHERE WE’VE HAD TO DELETE SOMETHING BECAUSE MY PARENTS WERE DISAPPOINTED.”

when people take stuff like, really the wrong way, on vid-

Masters, she loves to learn and she hates that we piss stu-

eos. Like I made this video, have you seen Katy Perry’s

dent culture down the drain. My Dad doesn’t drink, smoke,

Firework video? Where that slightly bigger girl jumps in the

do anything that alters your mind at all, he doesn’t even

pool at the pool party? Basically it was just… I made an

drink coffee so for my parents it’s like… yeah. I just never

atom bomb go off underwater when she jumped in. I got

talk about it at home. They still watch my videos though

so much abusive mail from chicks and they were banding

aye, they check up on me and they like to text me and say

together against Two Kids and I was like “Ohhh shit…”

‘there’s a lot of videos going up about drinking this week

Or ages ago we wrote this rap with an offensive lyric…

Louie…” But it’s all good. They get that this is my journey,

about like, hooking up drunk…

this is my story, this is my choice.

Jules: “Passed out white sluts”. Out of context it sounds

Jules: I stand by what we do.

horrible… in context it sounds horrible…

What is your advice for Waikato students? Jules: Work

Louie: But a year later a dude finds this old video of us,

hard, play hard. We’re doing well in our degrees. We want

made way before we started Two Kids, and comments on

to. We’re not just here to drink. But that’s a part of it.

it saying that basically we were the Roast Busters.

There’s no point in throwing it away, just work hard and

Jules: It was just after the Roast Busters had been high-

play hard- that’s what I try to live by anyway.

lighted as a serious issue so… he was telling us that we

Louie: And show some fucking pride. Just love it like we

support rape and shit and we were just like “Fuck, that’s a

love it. We’re going to figure out how to do that.

bit of an assumption.” That was probably the most blown

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Wairehu Grant waxes lyrical

I like to imagine that one dark and stormy night, Tim

of an ADHD-afflicted Goldfish. The truth is these notions

on his peronal journey through

Burton and Robert Smith held a séance to channel

are completely accurate, I have no idea what I’m doing

student culture: plenty of drinking, but he's still thinking.

Edgar Allan Poe, and then I crawled out from the hole

at any given point in time and impulsiveness is the only

in the “O” of the Ouija Board. It makes for a better story

method to my madness.

what actually happened.

If there’s one valuable granule of knowledge that I’ve

But I’ll spare you nostalgic recounts of my formative

gained it’s that University is the perfect place to explore

years and skip straight ahead to more present matters.

those seldom trod corridors of your interests and you

After a botched final year of High School, I had narrowed

shouldn’t allow your tertiary years to stagnate. Do some-

down my potential horizons to either a life of crime or

thing mental, play a song you’ve never played before at

working as a supermarket can stacker. Lacking the steady

an open mic night, buy a poncho, take a creative writing

hand and sociopathic disposition required for both of these

paper! You might fail a paper or two, maybe even forfeit an

options, I opted instead to accept the enrolment offer for

entire year. But I guarantee that before long you’ll finally

the 2011 A semester CUP Course.

come across something that you’re willing to commit

But I had yet to shake my indecisive approach to matters

to wholeheartedly.

of relative importance and upon completion stumbled head

At the age of 12, I decided I wanted to be a P alaeon-

first into the world of classical music theory. Suffice to say

tologist, a couple years later an Architect, then a musician

my results were abysmal at best and I found myself back

(whatever that means). Nowadays the best I can muster

exactly where I started. But after a year or so of attempt-

when presented with the phrase: “Where do you see

ing to integrate myself into the facets of basic human

yourself in five years?” is “pretty much the same place but

interaction, I yearned for the justified reclusiveness of the

slightly to the left.” Who knows, maybe I’ll figure a way to

“creative” lifestyle and promptly enrolled in a Bachelor of Media and Creative Technologies. So now here I sit, a second year student alone at a

become some spectacular amalgamation of the three! But hey, if you find yourself wandering through a Pak'n'Save or Countdown at some point in the future and you spot some

table in Momento hoping that this glass of Good George

mildly deranged 80’s throwback meticulously stacking cans

Sparkling Ale will oil the gears of my creative machine. By

of baked beans, you hereby have my permission to quietly

this point you’re probably under the impression that I’m

creep up and whisper something along the lines of “Should

some absent-minded shambleton with the attention span

have gone with the life of crime mate.”

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This is no sob story, no pity party and I am no damsel in distress. But a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, and in my case that is tell my story. My name is Nina Fox and I hope the tragic tale of my weekend casts a warning alert across the nation, in particular to my fellow flatties. It all starts with the purchase of my first car, a Toyota

friends to drive me around. At one point I thought it was

Starlet. Dad, being the responsible man he is, took out

too good to be true, that surely my bad luck would prevail…

insurance immediately and once I had moved back to

And it did. It was the last night of Hamilton O-week, a

Hamilton in anticipation of a second year of study at

night of celebration- it was pumping. My flatmates, friends

Waikato University, he instructed me to insure my contents

and I returned to our flat, ready to hit the hay when ran-

as well. I’m sure any psychiatrist would agree that I have

domly my flatmate Anna J says to me “Ninz I don’t want

some form of short term memory loss, so remembering

you to freak out, but where’s your car?” I thought to myself

to organise my insurance was quite frankly mission impos- ‘fuck Anna J’s had a few too many beersies.’ But then I look. sible. That is until my flat mate Megz started organising her

It should have been parked outside of our flat between two

own insurance, so there was no way for it to slip my mind.

cars where I left it, but it wasn’t. Was this some sort of

I finally called up and got my insurance sussed.

cruel joke? Had we all popped some kind of hallucinogenic

Fast forward two short weeks. Admittedly, I was a social abnormality. It wasn’t common to not have at least your

drug that makes cars disappear? Any of the above I would have happily chosen over the reality.

restricted license by the time you were 19. But there I was

We entered the flat. My room had been raided. Drawers

sitting my restricted test on the 8th of March. After a ter-

emptied, clothes scattered and things missing. Laptop,

rible parallel park, I regrouped and brought my temporary

gone. GHD, gone. Make up, gone. Perfume, gone. Then

restricted license home. I was ecstatic. It was almost sur-

it gets weird…Underwear, gone. My car keys left on my

real to me, no more buses or feeling guilty for getting my

side drawer table, gone. It all made sense now, not that it

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made it any easier for me to register. I felt violated, horri-

a visit from an officer the day after just to reassure five

fied, scared, miserable and angry.

scared girls that they were safe and the police were on

Anna J called 111, and believe me it’s nothing like the

their side.

movies. The police don’t come racing to your home with a

Currently, I’m in the process of getting my claim accepted

forensics team, officers in bullet-proof vests and a detec-

by my insurance and trying to get over the feeling of being

tive with a notepad. In fact they didn’t come at all. We were

violated and scared in my own flat. My insurance won’t

just asked to wait. And we waited. But apparently due to

cover me for everything so I also have to work on procur-

the influx of similar crimes in the area the police found it

ing funds out of thin air for essential things such as my

hard to make a time to come and fingerprint our flat. Then, I received a call on the 11th of March from the police

laptop that I need for study ASAP. I do believe that karma will come around and punish whoever did this to my flat-

that my car had been found, but burnt out and at a salvage

mates and I at some point but I don’t think they will ever

yard. I was devastated. I wasn’t expecting my car to be in

understand how I felt, having just received my licence and

immaculate condition at all, but I never imagined that it

then losing my first car that night. The elation to depression.

“...MY FLATMATE ANNA J SAYS TO ME “NINZ I DON’T WANT YOU TO FREAK OUT, BUT WHERE’S YOUR CAR?” I THOUGHT TO MYSELF ‘FUCK ANNA J’S HAD A FEW TOO MANY BEERSIES.’ BUT THEN I LOOK.”

would be burnt out and gone forever. Ridiculously I had hoped that whoever stole my car,

How violated I feel. How unjust this is and how unsafe I feel in my own flat.

opened the glove box to find my temporary driver’s license

This is a warning to all my povo, penniless peers: GET

and saw that I had just passed the day before, and out of

INSURANCE ON EVERYTHING. You are not covered by your

some pang of guilt would leave the car for me to find again.

parents insurance, you need to get contents insurance for

But clearly criminals and I share different morals. I went to

everything in your flat because it could very easily be sto-

see the Starlet at the salvage yard and I felt sick. It was like

len. LOCK YOUR BEDROOM DOOR. Stay vigilant and stick

a scene from CSI, far too shocking to fully comprehend

together, talk to your neighbours and get to know your area.

and just plain disgusting. But in some ways it was a form

LOCK YOUR HOUSE, CLOSE YOUR WINDOWS AND HIDE

of closure for me.

YOUR VALUABLES. If we all work together we can keep our

The police finally came to fingerprint our house, but found

flats safer and no, I didn’t cut and paste that from a neigh-

nothing due to the assumption that the burglars were prob-

bourhood watch poster. Most of all I just want to make sure

ably wearing gloves. I don’t want to discredit the police’s

other flatting students were aware that this stuff does hap-

work in any way, but they never took a statement from

pen and could happen to you, so be careful. A huge thank

us, gave us paperwork or asked us any questions. A small

you to my flatmates Megan Harrigan, Anna Johnston, Emily

amount of support would have gone a long way, such as

Van Arendonk and Alex Dudley for their support.

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Where do you go when no one can

OK, I’ll admit it. Shine Nightclub was anything but shiny.

Shine was a space for exploring your sexuality, for having

take you to the gay bay anymore?

The roof had a gaping hole above the stage, some of the

your identity reflected back at you and normalised, for

Lezbi Honest and Dorian Gay reminisce about Shine and find out.

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toilets didn’t have seats and the lack of air con meant you

being a wingman, for failing as a wingman and hitting on

weren’t so much dancing as you were slow-roasting amidst

people yourself, for forging new friendships over a bor-

a sea of your own sweat. It wasn’t perfect, but damn it, it

rowed cigarette, and maybe, just maybe, for finding love

was ours!

(I met my fiancée on that pole five years ago - I know, fai-

As the curtain falls on Shine Nightclub, Hamilton not only

rytale romance right?).

loses a colourful social crossroads but also an institution

Shine was a place where women of all sexualities could

close to the cultural heart of local LGBTI society. Shine

enjoy a good night out without the leer and touch of des-

leaves a meaningful legacy as a unifier and philanthro-

perate straight guys. It was a place where drag queens

pist. In collaboration with LegaliseLove Waikato, Shine

reigned and topless guys were aplenty. Shine also pro-

fundraised for the marriage equality campaign, publicly

vided an opportunity for mainstream Hamilton to see us

screened the final reading of the bill, and celebrated its

as part of the night life. This visibility helps foster familiar-

passing with massive fervour- not to mention, incapaci-

ity, understanding and acceptance... (I’m not saying these

tating volumes of alcohol. The diversity of people who

were necessarily achieved. Just that visibility helps.) It was

mobilised for this event, of all ages, political persuasions

also one of the few spaces in Hamilton that existed for us.

and sexual orientations can only be described as an impres-

And now with its closure, we have lost more than just a

sive show of solidarity. Shine also played a role in rescuing

nightclub.

Waikato Queer Youth from the brink of oblivion with a

...So, what now? One word: UniQ.

fundraiser that provided a crucial financial injection, and

It’s not a club, but it’s the next best thing. It’s a social hub

annually hosted the opening shindig of Hamilton Pride– an

- a network of friends who hang out and organise events

intergenerational festival that preaches the importance of

together. It’s a support group when people need it.

community. In other words, Shine believed in a measure

There is a queer room on campus where people can refuge,

of social responsibility.

study, or socialise. Every week new faces appear and the

Shine will be eternalised in history for more than just its

group is swelling in size. If you too are feeling the loss

effusive flamboyance, and as the establishment that wasn’t

of Shine, then come and check us out in the ‘cowshed’

afraid to flex its political muscle. It was more than just a

buildings behind Oranga on Wednesdays at 1pm, or email

gay bar.

uniq.waikato@gmail.com. Be there and be queer.

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Hamiltonian High Culture CARL UNTERNAHRER

Long-time de votee of fast food treats, Carl reviews our local takeaway: good, the bad and the ugly. Illustration by Sarskia Melville. Why are you even reading this? Fast food is terrible for you!

not sure which one it is. Pros: One of the few places that is

Didn’t you watch that documentary a few years ago where

open 24/7. Cons: They no longer let you stumble drunkenly

some dude eats only McDonald’s for a month?

through the drive-thru at 3.30 on a Sunday morning. Not even

To be honest, I didn't watch it either... But apparently he had a heart attack or something. Moral of the story is: fast food is bad and you should never eat it. If you are anything like me you're already well aware of this

if you are driving a make-believe car. This effectively cancels out the above pro. Burger King (Hillcrest shopping-centre) Another run-of-themill burger chain. Despite the two fast-food giants being bitter

fact and yet you consume large amounts of fast food anyway.

rivals, B.K.'s and McDonald's menus are strikingly similar

The reasons for this are myriad. Maybe you are lazy feeling a

(same goes for Wendy's and Carl's Jr. too, now that I think

bit tired. Or perhaps you are on the piss out for the evening.

about it). Pros: Free drink refills if you dine in, student deals

Maybe you are comfort eating to fill the desperate void in

available and they're open 24hrs on Friday and Saturday. Cons:

your broken heart that your ex left when they ditched you to

You inevitably cave in and get a Streaky Bacon Steakhouse as

hook up with your best friend just looking to splash out for no

well as a BBQ Bacon Double Cheeseburger and your stomach

particular reason.

hates you for hours afterwards... I am a weak-willed person.

As one who is often too 'tired' to cook myself a proper meal,

Burger Fuel (Five Crossroads) Now we're talking. Burger

I have had the opportunity to purvey many of Hamilton's finest

Fuel's gourmet burgers are both large and delicious and they

deep-fried dining locales. As such, I like to think that over the

gave me a free Bastard Burger once so I'll forever have a soft

years I've developed a refined taste for any foods featuring

spot in my heart/stomach for them. They don't do combo deals

trans-fats, MSG and/or soybean oil. So let’s do a brief compari-

but the burgers are large enough that you don't really need

son between some of the fast food establishments you might

them. I recommend you do try the Spud Fries (Kumara fries

come across around the Hamilton East-ish area. McDonald's (315 Grey St. & Five Crossroads) You don't need

are average) at least once though because... Pros: Their aioli is amazing. Cons: Very pricey and takes a while to prepare.

me to tell you what McD's tastes like. If you've never had a

Subway (372 Grey St) Good for those times when you

bite of American cultural imperialism before then you've either

want a meaty, oozing 12-incher inside you. Pros: Potential for

had a very fortunate or a very deprived childhood – and I'm

terrible dick jokes. Cons: Despite all the touting about how

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healthy Subway is, if you want it to taste anything other

folded pizza slice seen in American movies.) They specialise

than bland, you're going to have to get the fancy meats,

in large pizzas featuring simple topping schemes with qual-

and the cheeses, and the ranch dressing, and in the end

ity ingredients – hit and miss whether that's your thing or

it’s not going to be very healthy at all. Pizza Hut (695 Grey St.) Remember when you were a kid

not. Pros: Large, thin slices present are pleasantly novel. Cons: Pricing issues. Pizzas are around $30 each but are

and you'd go to the Pizza Hut restaurant on the corner of

also huge (18”) so you'll want to split the bill with a friend

Mill and Ulster St? You'd start by eating several bowls of

or two. Alternatively you can buy by the slice ($5 a pop) but

chocolate mousse with soft-serve and chocolate sauce and

one slice isn't going to fill you up and by the time you've

later on you might even eat a slice or two of pizza – if you

had two or three you've effectively spent the value of an

were still hungry. Shit was so cheap. Unfortunately today's

entire pizza elsewhere.

Pizza Hut is a far cry from its 1990s glory days. Their new

Wong's Kitchen (63 Massey St & Five Crossroads) So far

“THEY NO LONGER LET YOU STUMBLE DRUNKENLY THROUGH THE DRIVE-THRU AT 3.30 ON A SUNDAY MORNING. NOT EVEN IF YOU ARE DRIVING A MAKE-BELIEVE CAR.”

strategy seems to be to cut as many costs as possible and

I have not mentioned any Chinese, fish & chip, roast meal

this is clearly reflected in the quality of their food. Pros:

or fried chicken places. That because Wong's Kitchen does

Cheap. Cons: Everything else. Pizza Hut is plain bad. Why

them all and does them all well. They do everything listed

did you have to tarnish my childhood memories? Hell Pizza (247 Clyde St.)

above (plus burgers too) in quantities ranging from single serves to family platters. Also: they are cheap. Also: you get

It's the Burger Fuel of pizza, outclassing its multi-national

huge servings. Also: they are delicious. In short, Wong's

competitors in size, quality and menu variety. A marketing

kitchen is fucking awesome. Go there. Pros: Everything

campaign infamous for attracting moral decency com-

already mentioned (but their fried chicken in particular has

plaints goes a long way in my books too. Pros: The store

this cinnamon-y coating that puts KFC to shame). Cons:

doubles as a fully licensed bar with Tuatara on tap. Good

The store that I am familiar with is located on 63 Massey St

beer. Good pizza. Just damned good. Cons: Pricey. Sal's Authentic New York Pizza (215 Victoria St.) Sal's

in Frankton. This is a little bit out of the way for your average Ham-East dwelling student. There's also a second store

are a recent addition to the scene and are attempting to

at Five Crossroads but as I am yet to dine there I cannot

open up a new niche in the fast-food market – that of the

vouch so whole-heartedly for its quality.

thin-crust, New York-style pizza. (Think of the stereotypical

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LOS ANGELES, THE LAND OF EXCESS; STUDY NOTWITHSTANDING. Alix Abroad Alix Higby

Being a student in LA is really hard. UCLA uses the quarter system,

outside Starbucks (how American of me) eating an everything-bagel (how

which means our usual 14 week semester is compacted into 10 straight

extra American of me) watching a homeless man shower with baby wipes

weeks of lectures and discussions. This alone means you can't really afford

(oh America) and trying to convince myself that my first quarter is already

to waste too many days off syllabus. Needless to say, I am me, and I

behind me. It is exhilarating and a kick to the back of the knees at same

found ways.

time. Next quarter I challenge myself to spend more of my time either here

I tried to study in my dorm. But the sun laughed like that stupid

or there. I will be at the beach or I will be studying. I know Hamilton led me

Teletubbies baby and I couldn't help but fidget away the hours online

through this murky water on a daily basis and I'd bet my June ticket to NYC

shopping for bikinis. I packed up my computer and books and trooped

that you battle the same invisible study demons also. Commit yourself! If

to Santa Monica to work in the sun instead. But I watched a parrot steal

you need a break from work or study then do it. Take a day off and don't

cafe leftovers and the table I was working at cast a shadow right where I

feel guilty about it. If you have an assignment due tomorrow maybe com-

was trying to tan. I went to Venice Beach another day. I bought 3 pairs of

mit yourself to that instead. But keep the distractions at bay by promising

novelty sunglasses and a Hamsa necklace for good luck. The Oscars hap-

yourself that you will relax after it has passed through the turnitin gates. It

pened and wrote off an entire Sunday sitting behind an iron fence waiting

ain't no thang taking time for yourself and I in fact encourage it. That is my

for Brangelina. The Beverly Hills Cheesecake Factory kidnapped a Friday

2 cents worth and I know NZ only acknowledges 10 minimum but here in

night. I sat on a sun lounger in Sunset Rec with my copy of Kim Robinson's

the land of dreams and endless summer they like it just fine. Unless you're

2312... but I fell asleep.

at the laundromat then you need at least 5 quarters.

It is really hard to study in LA. As I write this, it is the first official day of Spring Break and I am sitting

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Next week I will regale you with tales from the road; LA to Santa Cruz to San Fran to Laguna and back again.

nexus magazine

LET'S GET ALT Fashion Jessica Wilson

ON BEING DIFFERENT 50 Shades of Gay Xoxo Gaygirl

When you were younger, being different was about disappointing your parents, but now it’s time to disappoint on a much grander scale. I’m talking about the corporate mainstream- it’s time to go alt. First off, you’ll need to know what alt is. Alt is an ever-evolving style that is heavily influenced by the deep internet, nihilism and irony. Alt is not to be confused with hipster or alternative. Whilst hipsters and alternatives abhor and often completely disregard popular culture, alts are 24/7 scanning for more of Miley Cyrus’s shit music releases. Examples of alts include Lorde, Grimes and Tyler, The Creator.

As a lesbian it is hard to escape the knowledge that I am an anomaly; that for reasons I did not choose, I am different to the majority of people around me. This truth hits home particularly hard when I am cutting shapes on the D-floor at Outback. As I try to avoid the masses of sweaty-bodied couples getting down and dirty before my eyes I am well aware that the majority of them are heterosexual. When my same-sex snogging gets sniggered and stared at, I understand that I am in the minority. It was always the case however, that when the straight scene had got-

Getting the alt look is easy. For the basis of your wardrobe you’ll need a realistic looking animal shirt (try themountain.com), a backpack no bigger than your head and a collection of snapbacks and/or conehead beanies. Focus on wearing satirical prints such as pentagrams, marijuana leaves,

“YOU SHOULDN’T ACTUALLY BE INTERESTED IN THE THINGS IN THESE PRINTS, BECAUSE THEN IT’S NOT SATIRE…”

ten all too much to handle, I could stumble the fifty or so feet down the street to take refuge in the neon-lit walls of Shine Nightclub. In exchange for the last of my student allowance, I could avoid judgment, and finally fit the status-quo. Behind those doors being queer became normal, and

“...THE WALK OF SHAME IS THE SAME FOR ALL OF US COME SUNDAY MORNING, THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THAT SOME OF US HAVE ENGAGED IN PDA’S ON SATURDAY NIGHT

camouflage, cartoon pizza and Bart Simpson. You shouldn’t actually be

WITHOUT FEAR OF RETRIBUTION OR VIOLENCE.”

interested in the things in these prints, because then it’s not satire… you’re just dressing like a douche. Alt does not exclude itself from trends; in fact, alt has its own trends.

as Lady GaGa played on repeat I could welcome the pre-pash flirting from

Perhaps the hottest of these trends right now is normcore. To get the

the girl across the room without the worry of what anyone would think.

look, you’ll need to accept Jerry Seinfeld as your lord and savior, do this

Shine provided a safe place that celebrated the queer community amidst

with a worn out white t-shirt, some stonewashed Levis 501s and a pair of

a culture that positioned us as such an obvious other.

Teva sandals. To further the trend, apply ChapStick at least once an hour,

So it is with a heavy heart that I say so long to Shine. My only wish is that

swap your smartphone for a fax machine and invest in a pair of orthope-

as I witness your hook ups without judging you for anything more than the

dic insoles. Other alt trends to try include seapunk, vaporwave and witch

beer goggles you are clearly wearing in your choice of romantic conquest,

house.

so too you might respect and make room for those of us who might be

Finally, you’ll need to forget all you know about clothing items. That plaid

locked in a same sex embrace…after all, the walk of shame is the same for

shirt isn’t a shirt, but a VPL covering butt cape for tying around your waist.

all of us come Sunday morning, the only difference is that some of us have

Try wearing your snapback backwards to protect the back of your head

engaged in PDA’s on Saturday night without fear of retribution or violence.

from stealthy attacks. Remember, that hoodie doesn’t have a hood, but an inbuilt textbook carrier. Try wearing your clothing backwards and inside out. Try putting your leg through an armhole (people don’t realise how many different body parts you can put through each hole). Experiment a little. Now that you look alt, you can finally pursue alt hobbies such as conceptual photography and taking hard drugs at family celebrations. Good luck!

nexus magazine

IRD OR A CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE AMERICAN INFLUENCE?

DISCOUNTS & BANK ACCOUNTS Louise vs the World Louise Hutt

The Foreign Invasion Melody Wilkinson In my four years of study, the amount of times the words “...Is there a student discount?” have come out of my mouth both saddens and disgusts me. Fresh-faced and in first year, I thought nothing of it but that it So I find my husband Alan buried under piles of paper and boxes teetering on the edge of his bed. ‘What’s happening?’ I try. ‘Umm…yes!’ He says, raising his hands above his head in surrender. ‘Yes, I need to talk to you about something.’ ‘Clearly.’ I say, indicating the bed. ‘I got this in the mail.’ I take the letter from him. It is two sheets aggressively telling us that we owe over six hundred dollars to the IRD. It says that they are about to start taking it out of his salary at the job he never had. We call and they say no one can help until the next day when they will call him back. The conversation: Alan: Um yeah, hi. I just got this letter stating that we owe over six hundred

was a way to save a few dollars. Now, however, it’s the difference between going to the doctors, getting that filling I so sorely need or going without. I started to run my own business in 2012 and we had a shop on campus for six months (you can still see the Alice & Anne sign at the bottom of L Block) and this experience was what really made me start to feel guilty about student discounts. There were a group of girls who came in, who had been in nearly every week, and looked through our sale items in the last week only to ask if they would get any cheaper before we closed. Our items were marked down to $5, we were already making a loss on them and simply wanted to see then go to a good home rather than sit in a box until our next market. However, these girls really angered me; I had spent money buying the materials, my own time not just making the items but refining and perfecting the skills to make them and here they were,

dollars but I never worked for the people you have at the top of the form. IRD man: Hmm, can you hold please?’ Alan: Sure. Insert a collage of instrumental music based on 90’s pop songs. IRD man: Are you there?

“...I’M ANGRY AT A GOVERNMENT THAT ASSUMES $200 A WEEK IS ENOUGH TO LIVE ON, THAT

Alan: Yes. I am here.

CHOOSING TO STUDY WHILE BEING FROM A

IRD man: Yes, well it looks like we made a mistake and put the wrong

WORKING CLASS FAMILY MEANS I HAVE TO WORK

employer on but I am sure you still owe the money. Alan: Why?

THREE JOBS TO PAY RENT.”

IRD man (getting angry): Look you have known about this for a while and you have been ignoring this and you have had long enough to pay. So you owe this money. Alan: But you don’t even have the right employer. IRD man: Yes, but clearly you still owe the money. Alan: Well, let me just talk to my wife and check my records. IRD man (very angry now): Look, how much money do you have in your savings account right now? Alan: Umm… (he tells him) IRD man: Well you have just told me that you have enough money to pay it so I think you should just pay it. Alan: Ummm… Why? IRD man: Look, this is the collections department. I think you should just pay it. Alan: No, I am not going to just pay it. I am going to talk to my wife and check my records and get back to you. I am just wondering is this normal for New Zealand or is it just us. Because we have strange situations happen like this on enough of a recurring basis that we are starting to wonder, about you know, conspiracies… Illuminati… fascism… scary stuff. maydaydownunder.blogspot.co.nz.

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completely disregarding all of that and pretty much asking for it for free. When I can’t afford something, whether it’s a nice meal or health care, I’ve been trying to make sure my anger and frustration is aimed at the right place; not at the businesses who need to pay their staff, suppliers and manufacturers so that they too can afford to live. I wholly agree that dentists deserve the $200+ per hour they get; I don’t want someone without their years of training and experience to put a drill in my mouth. I’m not angry at them, I’m angry at a government that assumes $200 a week is enough to live on, that choosing to study while being from a working class family means I have to work three jobs to pay rent. Why can’t we change the system which creates a need for businesses to offer student discounts, disregarding their time, expertise and investments? Because while student discounts are few and far between, there’s even less for people on Work and Income support. As these discounts constantly remind me, being a student is an acceptable reason to be poor.

nexus magazine

ROOF SHENANIGANS Carnage Jules Craft

In this week’s carnage I dive into the beautiful pastime that is rooftop

just nice to know that when we’re doing something stupid this year we

chilling. Hanging out a roof is epic shred the gnarl, classic kowabunga fun

won’t be alone in our efforts. Props to student life!

for a few reasons. Firstly, having a higher altitude equals a thinner blood

Once we were set up the day went smoother than a babies bald head,

pressure which equals fewer standard drinks to feel the warm cuddle of

not a hiccup up in sight. Well OK, noise control did come around at about 3

the alcohol blanket. The second is the absolutely chill feeling that comes

or 4 but because of our strategic bird’s eye view we were able to see them

with being up high. I think this comes from our monkey genes whereby liv-

and turn down the music before they arrived. Turns out there was only one

ing up in trees was a survival advantage. The third is being up high enables

complaint laid anyway and there has to be at least two. By the way: ratz

you to see your entire neighbourhood, which in turn means you can perve

buzz to whoever complained, they could’ve just come over and shared a

on your neighbours. It’s just a pity we only have other boy’s flats and elderly

bevvy with us, or even just asked us to turn it down- communication is

neighbours in our area.

the key my good neighbour.

This time round, roof shenanigans started on a warm Saturday afternoon,

Oh shit and yeah, the police did come twice, but the cop was an absolute

in a peaceful little shire we call the Hogan-Snead Complex. The Hogan-

G.C! The first time he came round he told us that it was OK to be on the

Snead Complex is a paradise where some genius property developer has

roof “just don’t get too pissed up there.” The second time he came round

crammed 9 flats within a 30m radius. What the complex lacks in garden

to tell us that now there were a few too many intoxicated people on the

space and privacy it makes up for in a high concentration of G.C’s and G.B’s.

second storey roof and that it was time to get down. By that time it was

On this Saturday the boys and girls began their “good times” (fuck yeah

9 o’clock and no one could really see the edge of the roof anymore so we

that was a Kim Dotcom reference) playing a bit of front road cricket but as

happily co-operated with the bretha the police had sent out.

usual it quickly escalated. Going from “let’s just enjoy our beverages on

Once we got down we were over to the Snead boy’s place where a dou-

the road” to “let’s get as high as possible on a building and drink there!”

ble party bash was absolutely cranking and the beer pong was cracklacking,

As soon it was suggested, the boys were in amongst it, hoisting the couch

and once the clock struck 12 we were off to town to cut some filthy shapes.

up onto the roof, bringing up the camping chairs (which were once our only

What I want the message in this piece of writing to be is participate.

furniture), and throwing up the speakers so we could listen to some funky

Get amongst an idea a mate has. Your afternoon you’d set out to study

ass rooftop tunes. The beauty of it all was whilst we were getting on top

in could turn out to be the funniest rooftop romp you’ve ever had. Get

of a Hogan roof the Snead brothers were already on theirs, half-chopped

Amongst WAIKATO!

and throwing em up for us. That might not seem to be a big deal but it’s

nexus magazine

I’VE GOT A RABBIT, SOME LIPSTICK AND A MULTI-NATIONAL CORPORATION. Give a Shit Tee-Ship

PREJUDICE Maori Musings Whaea Gayle

‘Kia ora Peter,’ I say to the old white man. I’m an old brown lady, so I know what it means to be greeted and acknowledged, especially when you are in a crowd of people you don’t know. We’re invisible whatever our gender or colour, I think the ‘old’ does it every time. It’s as if we’ve slipped the ring on and done a Bilbo.

My dog is a little bit of a retard. He barks at people on the street, jumps the fence, chases people, constantly licks everything and sneezes in my face. But I love him. I had a dream a few weeks ago that I went to give him a pat and he got scared and ran away. It was only then that I saw that someone had docked his tail. I remember being so gutted in my dream that I felt physically sick which got me thinking about animal cruelty. The Draize Test is a toxicity test devised by the America’s Food and Drug Administration in 1994 in which substances are applied to the eyes (which are clipped open) or skin of a restrained animal (usually the sweetest albino bunny rabbit that you can think of.) The animals are then left for a set amount of time (commonly up to 21 days) before the substances are rinsed off and the effects are recorded. The main point of the Draize Test is to test for one of two outcomes; ocular irritation (a reversible irritation of the eye), or ocular corrosion (an irreversible corrosion of the eye.) If you are

‘Kia ora,’ Peter says. He’s frowning, looking a bit uneasy, but that’s understandable. ‘Kei te pai, Peter, I’ll look after you.’ ‘Did you do Baldwin Street in the end?’ I say. I’m having this korero to make him feel comfortable. He’d posted on FB the challenge the steep Dunedin Street posed for him. To climb or not to climb. ‘Um well yes, I did actually. Got a certificate at the dairy,’ He says. ‘Let me introduce you to some people,’ I say. ‘Mark, this is Peter president of…’ ‘Kia ora,’ Mark says. ‘Tracey, this is Peter, president of…’ ‘Oh, Kia ora,’ Tracey says. ‘Welcome.’ And so on and so. And everybody welcomes him. ‘I’ve written a book about Lake Hamilton,’ He says. ‘It will be out soon.’ ‘Lake Hamilton?’ ‘Do you know Maori harvested there?’

“IF YOU ARE SITTING THERE WONDERING WHETHER OR NOT THIS WOULD HURT… BITCH SLAP YOURSELF FOR ASKING STUPID FUCKING QUESTIONS.”

‘I’m sure we did.’ ‘Do you know much about the Lake?’ ‘No. But I live by it. I live next to Bob, you know Bob S…’ ‘Oh really?’ There, that impressed you didn’t it. The readings begin. ‘Are you reading any of your work?’ Peter says.

sitting there wondering whether or not this would hurt… bitch slap yourself for asking stupid fucking questions. And this is only one of many tests and experiments that are being done on animals. According to the National Anti-Vivisection Society, animals are still being subjected to experiments that “…determine toxicity by the dosage of a chemical that kills half of the animals forced to consume, breathe or be injected with that chemical.” The largest numbers of animals being subjected to these horrible tests are rabbits, guinea pigs, hamsters, mice, rats, non-human primates and…. dogs. I want humanity to stop being such a bunch of almighty assholes. I’m sorry but I seriously do not believe we as a species need fucking face paint to look pretty so much that we have to test the shit on innocent creatures who have no way of protecting themselves. Now it sounds a little like I’m implying women and the makeup industry are perpetuating this cycle of abuse… I’m not, the problem is not merely with cosmetics- how about boycotting the face paint until they stop rubbing it in animal’s eyes until they die? No make-up selfies for breast cancer awareness? Pfft everyone already knows about breast cancer - how about no make-up ever until the torture of Bugs Bunny stops? Now that’s raising awareness and who knows… maybe your boyfriends will wake up with less orange shit all over their pillow cases?

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‘Yes I am. Help yourself to some kai,’ ‘Don’t mind if I do,’ he says. My turn to read. Peter has found his courage in a glass of merlot. I’m glad he’s circulating. That is good – these are good people. Alone now I reflect on the evening. I love the company of writers. It’s always good for me to be with like-minded people, because I can be openminded in a discussion without fear of offense being taken and if there is that possibility, things are sorted. Stat. This evening I was not consigned to the margins of invisibility. And I’ve just realised that old man wasn’t Peter. Does Maori matter? Yes it does. I am an old, brown lady. My aim is to never replicate the behaviour I absolutely abhor in others. But those old white men, they all look the same.

nexus magazine

DANCE STAMINA Road to Fitness Lauren Heginbotham

OXYTOCIN IS A DOUCHE-BAG Aunty Slut

This week I decided to take on the worldwide phenomena of Zumba, which clearly has not lost its appeal over the past decade because currently 12 million people are Zumbaing in 125 countries across the world. Rearing its head back in ’99, the same time J-Lo came onto the scene with ‘Let’s get Loud’ hitting the charts, Zumba quickly became a hit amongst A-Listers, mums and students wanting a taste of her Latin rhythm. I wouldn’t mind channelling a bit J-Lo on the d-floor, but I knew my chances were slim as I hadn’t been in a dance class since I was 10 years old… so, what was it like? Well, here goes… I arrived at UniRec and discovered I wasn’t the only newbie (phew). There were 10 of us and a sprinkling of those who have been coming for a while to help us not feel so unco. Finding a mirror free spot, we eased into it with Latin tunes on the go. I surprised myself by starting out OK, figuring out most of the combos. We even rearranged ourselves into a couple of

Hi Aunty Slut, As a recently single lass I've taken to sleeping with other people. I started to have some problems when one particular individual was particularly good at the sex and I only wanted to sleep with him - not in a boyfriend kind of way but a sex friend kind of way. It was going spectacularly until one drunk night and some jealous feelings ruined the whole thing. Any advice for how to navigate the tricky waters of sleeping with a friend and any rules to follow? Confused Dear Confused, The rules for friend sex are very simple really- don’t fucking do it. Seriously. Sex friends never work. I know, I’m sorry, but it has to be said. It always, always ends in tears. I applaud your quest for mind-blowing sex (and I hope it comes with a decent dose of cunnilingus, otherwise level

“A MEXICAN WAVE OF LATINO THRUSTING WAS RIPPLING AROUND THE ROOM.”

that shit UP honey) but fuck buddies? NOT a thing. It starts off great and then someone wants more. No matter what you’re calling it, if you’re having sex with someone repeatedly you’re in a relationship. You’re making a commitment to each other- even if that commitment is just “don’t get jealous, don’t get pos-

rows so that we could grapevine across the room and get some high 5 action brewing. About halfway through I still felt pretty energetic and decided to push

sessive and don’t fall in love”. The problem with this is that feelings have a mind of their own, and they create the most epic clusterfucks known to humankind.

the boat out a bit. When it came to a series of hip swirl and thrusting

The more often you play with someone’s sexy bits the more likely it is

actions, I was totally in the zone. Shameless I know, but why not, no one

that those pesky ‘feels’ are going to creep in. The hormone oxytocin is

in the class knew me… and I was in good company. Out of the corner of

responsible for this annoying affliction- but women and men experience

my eye I could see these robust movements were not just coming from

it differently. Women under the influence are likely to feel ‘loving’ feelings

me. A Mexican wave of Latino thrusting was rippling around the room. My

when intimate with someone while men are more inclined to feel ‘posses-

heart rate was up and I was lost in the music, getting the steps right and

sive’ feelings (science yo, look that shit up). So if your dude lost it being

then all of a sudden we were on the last song with Shaggy’s Summertime

jealous it’s probably because he thinks he’s entitled to you, while if you

on the airwaves.

got all jealous it’s probably because you’re associating the sexy-time with

I looked around and saw lots of happy ladies, grins stuck to their faces alongside a chipper fella, all with cheeks blazing. We had made it through without incident. Stoked. Leaving the class stitch-free with a boost of endorphins and loving the

love. Neither is conducive to a drama free weekend. All that aside, the number one reason why this is not going to work is (and trust me, it kills me inside to write this because it is so fucked up, shouldn’t be true on any level and fills my cold black heart with rage): when

mini party we experienced that afternoon, I think this fitness craze is onto

kick-ass women take control of their orgasms without shame and/or have

something, and I’m keen to know more about these Latin and African

friends with benefits, some douche-copter is going to think less of them

inspired dance steps that make me forget I’m shaping up and learning

for it- probably the guy they’re sleeping with. Happens all the time. Society

something for this weekend’s night out! Heads up - Keep an eye out for Zumba Toning, a 6 week Activity course in B Semester made for toning up.

hates chicks who admit to liking sex. It needs a serious overhaul but I don’t know how we change it. So just use your course-related costs to buy a vibrator hun! A really, really expensive one! Then go find a guy that flicks ALL your switches, because the way of the ‘sex friend’ lies pain, heartache and douche-baggery of the highest order. Love yourself Confused, ten times a night! And kick Mr “I’m good at the sex” to the kerb. There’s always someone better at it waiting in the wings. Send your sexy sex questions to auntyslut@nexusmag.co.nz

nexus magazine

TRIBAL COUNCIL 2.0 MARK SAVAGE

— As the planning had begun for the March meeting of the Waikato Students’ Union, a Tribal Council had been called on the other side of the island. The University Council meets every couple of months and holds a single

These topics covered the most interesting parts of the meeting, which shows how dull high level meetings can be, particularly this early in the year.

seat for a student member. This year that student member is Wei Cheng

Professor David Hamilton made an appearance to talk about the

Phee, who edged out President Letcher by (quite literally) the narrowest

Environmental Sustainability Committee. Unsurprisingly, the lakes still

of margins in last year’s University of Waikato student election. (Not to

present a “major challenge” but on a brighter note there are now Tuis

be confused with the bigger, more prominent WSU election. The winner

(the birds not the drinks) and Falcons around campus. Jim suggested that

of that one does more than just sit at an egotistically large table and say

the University look into buying some forested land to cover more of the

how much he or she agrees with what is being said.) Indeed, last year’s

University’s carbon footprint, something which will keep you greenies

University of Waikato student election was the first one in the history of

happy. It was at this point that Wei Cheng Phee decided to make his first

this show where a WSU President has not sat at the table.

statement pronouncing, “Small initiatives can make a big change. If we

The Wednesday meeting began with the usual small talk amongst the

can engage students we can lower the energy waste.” Wei added more

members, such as asking how weekends have been going and catching

profound words later on when a group of Maori students presented to the

up with globe trotters such as ex-Prime Minister of New Zealand turned

Council about a leadership programme. “I just want you to know how much

Chancellor of the University, Jim Bolger. After everyone was seated, tea

I support it. It’s awesome!”

and biscuits in hand, the actual meeting kicked off. Following the Karakia,

I got the impression that Wei’s token remarks were simply added to

Vice-Chancellor Roy Crawford mentioned that John Key was on campus a

keep him from sitting through the meeting in silence, but he tried and that

couple of weeks ago for a 50th anniversary extravaganza complete with a

must be worth something.

time capsule. Props were given to the Faculty of Education for ranking 46th

in the world (only 12 places behind the University of Auckland!).

nexusmag.co.nz

nexus magazine

THE BANK

Blind Dat�

BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE BANK AND 97.8 THE EDGE. EACH WEEK NEXUS ATTEMPTS TO MAKE A LOVE/ SEXUAL CONNECTION. IF YOUR KEEN FOR A DATE ON US EMAIL EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

THE LADY'S EXPERIENCE

THE GENTLEMAN'S EXPERIENCE

I’m a management school student at Waikato University. My friends and I

I had the distinct pleasure of meeting a lovely little blondie for dinner last

have been EDGE fans for years so thought it would be funny to enter with

week. I met her at around 7 at the Bank restaurant on Hood St. At first it

the EDGE for the blind date but I was a bit nervous when I got picked as

was kind of weird, it was our first blind date for both of us (or so she told

I had never been on one before! But he was lovely!!! In walked this tall

me but I have my doubt ) but I guess that weirdness is what blind dates are

handsome guy and I was instantly at ease, he was so easy to talk to and

all about. Anyways we soon kicked it off, with help from a few stella artois,

broke the ice with some pretty bad jokes haha. He looked familiar; I had

and the friendly waitress who even gave us some conversation starters

probably seen him around uni before. We both talk as much as each other,

to break the ice. She told us to talk about music and I tried to convert her

which was a clear giveaway that this would no longer be awkward. We

to the amazing bass music known as Trap Music. She was really friendly

had a lovely waitress who gave us some topics to talk about, one of them

and she had suuuuuuch a cute laugh. We ordered some awesome food. I

was music, he was very persistent in getting me to like ‘trap’ music, it

thought she was way too picky with her meal, asking for salads without

wasn’t too bad so I’ll see how I go getting into that. We talked about maybe

sauces, salad this and carbohydrates that. I think she’s a real health freak,

going to a gig some time! Overall I had a really nice time, nice food, nice

but that’s all good because she’s fit as so I suppose it’s for a good reason.

company, great service and good experience. Thanks the EDGE and Nexus

The food was awesome and the bank was playing terribly cute soppy/happy

for picking me!!! I’m sure I’ll see him again soon! :)

songs for us which was a good talking point. I will be going back to Bank for a feed sometime for sure, and I have a feeling I will be seeing her again.

nexus magazine

LETCHER THINKS UNI IS FOR DRINKING STUDENTS' UNION PRESIDENT AARON LETCHER

— This week’s topic is ‘student culture’ and unlike previous themes that

Race, less State of Origin and more Crate of Origin. We shouldn’t have an

have been dry, humourless and overly tame this is something that I

entire block of Studville locked down on a Friday morning with novo-virus,

actually want to talk about. I know it’s hard, like hearing your parents

we should have the entire block of Studville locked down because they

talk about ‘the birds and the bees”, but it needs to be discussed. We can’t

partied a little too hard at Bar101 the night before and won’t be making that

hide from it anymore. Waikato students have a serious drinking problem,

9am lecture like they planned. It’s time to get clinical about our drinking.

and that problem is that we aren’t drinking enough.

Get out that calculator and divide the number of standards in a bottle by the

Until this point we have all been in denial, but it’s time to face some

It’s important to remember that it’s not the drinking, it’s how we’re drink-

we out-party Auckland and Wellington, but do they really count? We’re

ing. If you haven’t woken up with two bottles of cider taped to your hands,

skimming over a low bar when we should be keeping our eyes firmly on

had a race to the roof while playing wizard sticks, or pulled a red card on

the prize of student culture notoriety. The reality is that a Waikato student

your flatmates and enforced a midweek bender then I don’t want to know

would finish off a yard glass for their 21st birthday, but an Otago student

you. You need to take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror and reas-

would do it “because it’s Tuesday”. A Waikato student would sleep in and

sess your priorities. Yes this is a place to learn, but it’s also a place to have

miss a lecture, Canterbury students sleep in and miss earthquakes. It’s

fun, make life-long friendships, and to quote an extremely girly meme that

not good enough team.

caught my attention this week – “have nights we will never remember,

I can’t remember the last time I saw somebody drinking from a crate and

with people we will never forget”.

that genuinely makes me sad. Every time I see a student leave a half glass

We have some serious ground to make up, but I have every confidence

of Waikato on a table at the Hilly without finishing it I feel a bout of depres-

that we can do it. Let’s give the University of Waikato the student culture

sion coming on that not even John Kirwan could help me with. It’s time

we all want and deserve.

we all draw a line in the sand and call for less Great Race and more Crate

price – value for money, because student poverty isn’t a joke.

cold hard facts. We aren’t as rowdy as our Southern counterparts. Sure,

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nexus magazine

A LOOK BACK AT ADVOCACY WEEK AMBER CARDALE

—

ON A BREAK TONY STEVENS FROM YWRC

— It’s pretty reasonable to expect a break at work right? It’s a chance to refresh, grab a mince and cheese pie, or check whether that member of the opposite sex you were Facebook stalking has accepted your friend request. Those things aside, some would argue breaks are actually a vital aspect of meeting health and safety requirements. In fact it’s one of an employee’s fundamental entitlements under the Employment Relations Act...For now. The powers that be have seen fit to tinker with the legislation in order to give employers flexibility when deciding if workers can go on breaks and how long said breaks would be. The current law provides workers with a paid 10 minute break between 2-4 hours worked, an unpaid 30 minute break between 4-6 hours and another paid break between 6-8 hours. But the Government’s Employment Relations Amendment Bill proposes to remove those concrete entitlements in favour of basically leaving it up to the boss to dictate when and how breaks are taken. Scrapping break entitlements is one of many

DENTIST TIME AMBER CARDALE

—

changes to the ERA, including some drastic changes to the collective bargaining process, one of the main tools used by workplace unions to negotiate with employers on behalf of workers. The bill recently passed its second reading

At the moment we have been getting a lot of inquiries about dental work. Teeth decay, rot and fall apart but you should never leave it untreated. Although the WSU hardship fund doesn’t fund dental work we do however have our sources and contacts to try and help. If you have a dental emergency then come talk to us here at the WSU.

meaning. It will soon be up in front of that august body of individuals we call Parliament for “the committee of the whole house”.This is pretty much crunch time – the last real obstacle for any bill trying to wriggle its way into law. If passed I’m sure breaks won’t become a thing of legend, or a mythical concept used to describe the glory days of New Zealand society, but I am sure that many employers will take advantage of their newfound flexibility.

Contact: advocacy@wsu.org.nz or 027 2065 011.

Contact: 0800 AT YWRC, ywrc@xtra.co.nz.

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NOTICES

Hamilton Diverge

Breakfast Row WEDNESDAY 2ND APRIL, 8:30AM

The Fijian Club is BACK! For those wanting to get involved, please contact Margaret on fijanclub. waikato@outlook.com First event is coming soon so register now!

THURSDAY 3RD MARCH, 5:00PM Team Waikato take on Team Heriot-Watt in Edinburgh in a virtual race across time-zones and We are a group of international and local people who get out and about and explore the Waikato Area. We are looking for new members so feel

boundries. 4x1000 metres. Includes a celebrity match up. Breakfast provided. Everybody welcome to come and watch at Level Zero.

free to join the group on facebook (Hamilton

Free Thought Society WEDNESDAYS, 1-2PM, AMPITHEATRE

Diverge) and get involved in our upcoming event. We're meeting up again on Thursday 3 April at 5 pm to play some tennis and cook up some bbq.

The Free Thought Society are starting

The tennis courts are free and there are electric

weekly sessions at the Ampitheatre

bbqs set up just outside. We're all beginners at

(grassy area near Pita Pit) during cultural

tennis so feel free to get involved whatever level

hour 1pm-2pm every Wednesday. Engage

you are. Bring a tennis racket if you have one and

in stimulating conversation and debate.

some grup and drinks for the bbq afterwards. The courts are in the University at the corner of Ruakura Rd and Silverdale Rd (have a look on

Fancy A Ride?

google). There is plenty of parking on Silverdale Road beside the courts. See you there.

ADAM.WOLLIN.IS@HOTMAIL.COM

University Challenge

A Mountain Biking club is looking for new members interested in getting together and riding. Please register your interest

COMING SOON

with Adam.

Are you a fan of old TV from the 70s? Have you seen the movie “Starter for ten” and thought I want to join a Uni quiz team. Well boy do we have good news for you…. University Challenge is starting up again soon. Stay tuned for your chance to be on a televised quiz show.

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Fijian Club FIJIANCLUB.WAIKATO@OUTLOOK.COM

Send any notices to editor@nexusmag.co.nz

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SMOKED FISH PIE Cooking for Students Zac Lyon

So since I’m doing a MSc, I really have no idea what student culture is or at least find it difficult to explain (I have poo brain from being at uni for 5 years). However I do have an insight into what some of you guys call ‘cooking a feed’. Mi Goreng - our saviour - unfortunately doesn’t constitute a meal. Neither does a mix of mince and beans, nor rice and more rice. This sort of cooking ain’t going to land you a pretty ‘friend’ to keep you warm in winter. Time to be cultured people.

Ingredients 1/4 Pumpkin. 6-8 Potatoes. 1 onion diced. Fennel bulb diced (optional). Olive oil. 2 Tbs butter. 2 Tbs cornflour. 1 cup milk. 1 whole smoked fish (about 1 kg). Handful of chopped parsley. Handful of cheese. Handful of coarse breadcrumbs.

Directions 01_ Peel both pumpkin and potatoes with your teeth. Alternatively use a peeler. Cut the pumpkin and potatoes into chunks for boiling. 02_ Into boiling water throw your potatoes in first, then 5 mins later the pumpkin and cook until soft. 03_ Dice onion, (remember no tears) and fennel if you’re not too cheap to buy it. Heat a large pan with a splash of oil and fry the onion and fennel together. Set aside once softened. 04_ Melt butter in a large saucepan, add cornflour and mix into a paste. Add milk, whisk and allow to thicken. 05_ Add in the parsley followed by the smoked fish (kahawai is perfect) but tinned stuff will be fine too. 06_ Mash the pumpkin and potatoes together, season. 07_ Add fish mixture into bottom of pie dish and coat with mashed pumpkin and potatoes. Sprinkle breadcrumbs and a handful of cheese across the top and bake for 20-25 mins at 180C.

It is not too hard to get it perfect, so give it a whirl. If you still scratching your head, head over to Cooking4Students facebook page or youtube channel to see how it is done!

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Codewords

Each letter in this puzzle is represented by a number 1-26. Crack the code to solve the crossword.

KenKen

Sequence

The bolded groups of squares are called “cages.” In the

What shape comes next?

upper-left corner of each cage, there is a “target number” and a math operation. Fill in each square of a cage with a number between 1-9. The numbers in a cage must combine—in any order, using only that cage’s math operation—to form that cage’s target number. You may not repeat a number in any row or column but you can repeat a number within a cage. Example: Your target number is 5, your operation is addition, you’re using the numbers 1–9, and the cage is made up of two squares. You could fill in 2 and 3 (because 2 + 3 = 5) or 1 and 4 (1 + 4 = 5)

Syllabic

1. So messy: 2. Bring on the germs:

From the following syllables and clues, form ten words of a least two syllables.

3. It’s so sticky: 4. A day of fun:

a - ad - al - ate - cate - con - cu - de - en - er

5. Yiddish cap:

- es - ha - he - i - ke - ko - lib - ly - ma - mul nate - oc - py - re - rec - sive - slov - tam - ter - tion - trav - ty - yar - yo

6. On purpose: 7. Argue loudly: 8. City in Japan: 9. A mockery: 10. Reside in:

Enter numbers into the blank spaces so that each row,

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HARD

MEDUIM

column and 3x3 box contains the numbers 1-9.

EASY

Sudoku

Draw your answer here.

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Target How many four (or more) letter words can you make from the letters in the square without using proper nouns? Each word must contain the centre letter.

5. 9 letter words marathons 7 letter words mantras matrons oarsman transom 6 letter words aortas aromas ashram asthma atmans hansom manats manors mantas months ransom shaman shoran sonata thorns torahs 5 letter words amahs arson atoms harms harts hoars horas horns horst hosta manas marsh marts mason moans moats monas morns moths norms oaths rants roams roans roast rotas saran shoat shorn short smart snath snort sonar sorta stoma storm tarns taros toras trams trash 4 letter

Crossword

Solve the clues and fill in the words.

words ahas ants arms arts

Answers for this crossword are in the online magazine at nexusmag.co.nz.

hams hast hats hons host hots mans mars mash

Across

38. Forestall (7)

70. Vertical fin (6)

2. Vague (7)

journey (7)

1. Incorrect (5)

41. Pouch (3)

72. Perplexed (7)

3. Graceless (6)

31. Stringed instrument (5)

4. Stories (5)

42. Sodium chloride (4)

75. Land measure (4)

4. Shiver (7)

33. Bizarre (9)

7. Asinine (7)

43. Supple (5)

79. Precipitation (4)

5. Slow, broad musical

34. Dig into (5)

11. Larceny (5)

44. Competitor (5)

80. The month preceding

performance (5)

36. Rue (6)

14. Indication (7)

45. Female relative (4)

the present one (6)

6. Edible crustaceans (7)

37. Profited (6)

15. Relating to the

49. Small boat (5)

83. Fruit (5)

7. Fusillade (6)

39. High-spirited (9)

countryside (5)

50. Reverberated (6)

85. Planet (5)

8. Secret store of valuables (5)

40. Private instructor (5)

69. Insanely irresponsible (7)

16. Assembly of witches (5)

51. Pressing (6)

88. Frequently (5)

9. Conspicuous (7)

46. Unilluminated area (6)

71. Dried grapes (7)

17. Mother-of-pearl (5)

53. Measuring stick (5)

89. Excuse (5)

10. Scorch (5)

47. Romp (6)

73. Made a formal request (7)

18. Crude (5)

55. Halo (4)

90. Combine (5)

11. Military vehicle (4)

48. Easily cracked (7)

74. Spiny anteater (7)

19. Flower (5)

56. Circumvent (5)

91. Discussed (7)

12. Enclosed territory (7)

49. Map (5)

76. Custodian of a

20. Wore away (6)

58. Large marine

92. Lure (5)

13. Rising warm air current(7)

52. Domesticated (5)

collection (7)

21. Serene (4)

mammal (5)

93. Stark (7)

22. Beverage made from

54. Pursue (5)

77. Loudness (6)

23. Matured (4)

59. Leave out (4)

94. Highly emotional

apple juice (5)

57. Still legally acceptable (5)

78. Weak (6)

24. Persevere (7)

60. Conclusion (3)

episode (5)

23. Chasm (5)

61. Deceitful scheme (5)

81. South American animal (5)

26. Dissertation (6)

65. Considerate (7)

95. Acquires by effort or

25. Mentor (4)

62. Tender (5)

82. Speak up (5)

29. Paragon (5)

66. Capricious (9)

action (5)

27. Ice pellets (4)

63. Passport endorsement (4)

84. Sports field (5)

32. Gave way (7)

67. Erased (7)

Down

28. Reddish brown (5)

64. Musical symbol (4)

86. Conceals (5)

35. Horticulture (9)

68. Forgo (5)

1. Bet (5)

30. Long and eventful

68. Supreme military leader(7)

87. Jealousy (4)

mast mats mosh most mots naos nosh oars oast oats ohms orts rahs rams rash rats rhos rots sham shat shmo shot snot soar soma sora sorn sort star

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Tauranga Campus Visit Monday 31st March at 12:00pm Outside Ako Atea Building (Library) Windermere Drive

#advocacyweek2014

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