Nexus 2017 Issue 09 by Nexus Magazine

THE DIRECTOR’S (FUNDING) CUT — Page 06 MEDICAL ATTENTION: INTERVIEW WITH THE VC — Page 17 QUIZ: HAVE YOU ALREADY LEFT IT TOO LATE? — Page 27

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01 04 05 09 12 13 15 16 17 21

23 26 31 38 40 41

Editorial

Full Exposure: Hazel English

Uni News

Student Experience

News

Columns

Sports

Arts

Reviews

Entertainment

Random Audit

Feature

Centrefold

Snapped

Blind Date

Puzzles

CO-EDITORS

CONTRIBUTORS

Bronwyn Laundry

Tori Räikkönen

Lyam Buchanan

Tom Collopy

editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Tom Featonby

DESIGN

Alessandra Tane

Emily Reid Vincent Owen

Peter Dornauf

design@nexusmag.co.nz

Alexander Nebesky

DEPUTY EDITOR

Cameron McRobie

Jennie-Louise Kendrick

Valerie Bianchi

Conor Maxwell

jen@nexusmag.co.nz

Jacqui Swney Troy Anderson

MANAGING EDITOR

Sarah Hyde

James Raffan

Ben Hansen

james@nexusmag.co.nz

DESIGN INTERNS Liam Coffey Rowan Porter

COVER ART BY TORI RÄIKKÖNEN

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Editorial — Pānui Ētita

Paging Doctor McWeenie The University absolutely loves to spins yarns. Most of the time these yarns are painfully boring or at the best of times a little too sterile. Either way, all that professional chit chat can definitely get a bit heavy so we’re gonna take this space to lighten the load.We’re both a bit over reading about the proposed Med school. Instead of getting introspective about how this makes us feel let’s just place our bets on how these med students would fit within Waikato culture. Our current stereotypes are running close to comedic extinction, the sooner we get a new clique the sooner everyone can stop bullying the art kids. At this rate they won’t be around for much longer. ON CAMPUS: We’re pretty much expecting our potential med buddies to be preppy management kids with the workload of an engineer. They’d bring academic competition to Waikato but keep it more or less contained within their faculty, there’s no doubt they’d fight over leadership opportunities such as class reps or club president just to one up each other on their CV. The med school might need to instate a prerequisite of being a high achiever in high school, an active prefect and owning a capsule wardrobe consisting of Country Road or Road & Gunn. OFF CAMPUS: All kinds of innovation. This is where the med school really becomes an asset to students. In a completely hypothetical context imagine that you’re flatting with a med weenie. You had a huge night out and awaken on the verge of death. Thankfully your personal trainee GP rolls in to your room with an IV hooked up to a bag o’ saline, stabs it into your arm and within half an hour you’re reborn. As long as nobody asks questions there’s nothing that can go wrong. NIGHTLIFE: They won’t have the freedom to go out often but any chance would be utilised to the fullest. Nothing would go to waste, their understanding of the human body would ensure they took the right quantity of the right substances to ensure the most out of each night. Think of it as the age old ‘eating’s cheating’ rule but without the potential health complications.

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- Lyam & Bron

Editorial — Pānui Ētita

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Uni News — Pitopito Korero

NEXUS MAGAZINE

News from the University Warning: Bike thefts on the rise There’s been a rise in bike thefts on the Hamilton campus in recent weeks. We advise students to use the secure bicycle storage areas near I block, G block and C block. For free swipe card access contact Unisafe/Security on 07 838 4444. If you do park your bike outside, make sure to use a good quality, heavyduty lock and report suspicious behaviour to Security. If your bike is stolen, report it to Police and University Security immediately.

Know of a great lecturer or tutor? Nominations for the 2017 Faculty Teaching Excellence Awards (FTEA) are now open. You may nominate as many teachers as you wish, but only nominate each teacher once. Nominating only takes a few minutes. Nominations close on Friday, 1 September 2017.

Eco Emporium’s new machine The Eco Emporium has a new sewing machine! Want to get involved? Come in to sew your own projects or volunteer to sew for the Eco Emporium. For more information, come in to the Eco Emporium or contact Valerie at vbianchi@waikato.ac.nz

Examination Timetable The 2017 A Semester Examination timetable is now available online. Please check your exam timetable carefully to ensure you have all the correct dates and times. Students who, due to compelling circumstances, need to apply to sit exams at another time must submit their applications no later than Friday 19 May. Students who require alternate exam arrangements must contact Disability Support Services by Friday 26 May.

Tell us what you think… …and be in to win awesome prizes! Check your inbox on Monday 1 May as we are giving you the opportunity to tell us what is working well for you and what is not here at uni. All you need to do is complete our Student Barometer Survey and you’ll be in the draw to win one of the many prizes on offer! The survey is open to all current students and will run for 3 weeks. For any questions, contact studentsurvey@waikato.ac.nz

Free Japanese film showing ALWAYS Sunset on Third Street 3 (2012, 142min, PG) is a heart-warming film about ordinary people’s lives in Tokyo in 1964 when the whole country was excited about the Tokyo Olympics (with English subtitles). All welcome on Thursday 11 May, 7pm in L.G.03, Hamilton.

NEXUS MAGAZINE

News — Pitopito Korero

Haere rā SueMo! Jennie-Louise Kendrick Hamilton-based Labour MP Sue Moroney is to put her ministerial role out to pasture in September, just before the General Election. Spokesperson for Transport and ACC, Sue Moroney’s retirement comes after a lengthy career in Parliament. Nexus has had a lengthy history of interactions with the MP, including foal-ing about with horse-related jokes and gracing our cover. We gave her one last turn on the soapbox: YOUR RESIGNATION WAS UNEXPECTED, WAS THIS SOMETHING YOU HAVE BEEN CONSIDERING FOR SOME TIME? I had to make a quick, and unanticipated, decision about my resignation from Parliament following advice that Labour’s Ruling Council didn’t support me for an electable position on the Party List. I am proud that I have always stood up for the principles of fairness, equality and social justice throughout my Parliamentary career – that will continue for me into the future. OVER YOUR 12 YEAR CAREER IN PARLIAMENT, W HAT H AS BE EN Y O UR P R O UD EST ACHIE VE ME NT ? My greatest achievement was to force an unwilling Government to extend paid parental leave by four weeks. I am particularly proud that I also achieved up to an additional 13 weeks paid leave for parents whose babies are born prematurely, because these families often face the tough times in those early months. Pushing for a commuter train between Hamilton and Auckland, successfully arguing for funding to clean up contamination at Tui Mine on Mt Te Aroha and arguing for community cops to be reinstated in Hamilton are other projects I am proud of. I have also been a strong advocate for getting more amazing women into Parliament and improving the number of Labour MPs we have in the Waikato/Bay of Plenty region. WHAT IS THE NEXT STEP FOR YOU AFTER THE GENERAL ELECTION? I plan to have a break – maybe even a “gap year” which I have never done before! My two sons who are studying at university will get to 05

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see more of me, which I will certainly enjoy even if they don’t. I intend to make my time to decide what my next adventure will be, but I feel it will be about using my advocacy skills to improve people’s lives. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE FROM THE PERSON TAKING OVER THE HAMILTON WEST LABOUR CANDIDACY? Hamilton West is a diverse electorate, full of opportunity and great hard-working people. Labour’s Candidate will reflect this. WHAT LABOUR INITIATIVES DO YOU THINK WILL HAVE THE GREATEST IMPACT ON HAMILTON IN THE NEXT TERM? Labour’s policy for three years free tertiary education will have a huge impact on Hamilton, as it will allow more people to study at our excellent tertiary institutions and pump more money into our economy. If students and their families don’t have to fund fees themselves, more will be able to participate, but also, the money currently being spent on uni fees can be spent on other local good and services. A LESS SERIOUS QUESTION NOW; YOU’RE STRANDED IN THE PARLIAMENT ELEVATOR FOR AN HOUR, THERE’S A POLITICIAN FROM EACH PARTY, WHO FROM THE LAST 12 YEARS WOULD YOU WANT TO BE STUCK WITH? If the lift got stuck in Parliament, the politicians from each party I would like to have with me would be Catherine Delahunty (Greens), Tracey Martin (NZ First), Marama Fox (Maori Party) and Peter Dunne (the only choice from UF) so we could corner Bill English (National) about his veto against 26 weeks paid parental leave passing in our parliament. ANYTHING FURTHER YOU WOULD LIKE TO SAY TO OUR READERS, AND STUDENTS IN GENERAL? It has been a great honour and privilege to represent Hamilton and the Labour Party membership in Parliament over the last 12 years. I encourage other smart, stroppy women to follow in my footsteps. ♦

News — Pitopito Korero

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Screen & Media Studies: The Director’s (funding) Cut Bronwyn Laundry Stagnant student numbers and a failure to meet targets are the reason for impending reductions to the University’s Screen and Media Studies department, claims Allison Kirkman, Acting Dean of FASS. “For the last three years across the faculty, the number of students have been declining. As a result of this, we have a number of programmes with very small classes,” she said. The Screen and Media Studies department stands to lose two staff members. The cuts have been proposed, Kirkman claims, to “strengthen the faculty”. These claims have been vehemently opposed by many FASS students, staff members and members of the wider arts community. Screen and Media Studies lecturer, Geoff Lealand said these cuts would do exactly the opposite of what Kirkman claimed they would, and instead, drive students away. “...I think other universities are already eyeing this up saying we’ll all snatch up those dissatisfied students. So, it’s a bit of a downward spiral. You cut and there are consequences,” Lealand said. Screen and Media Studies student, Benjamin Newton, said he believed the cuts would be massively detrimental to the department. “I reckon it’s a really good way to kill the department. Students aren’t going to want to come to the University of Waikato to study Film if there’s only one pathway for it and that pathway has nine papers,” he said. Manager of Hamilton cinema Metro by Hoyts, Paul Barlow, believed that it was dangerous to view the arts and humanities as an optional and non-vocational field of study and instead highlighted both the economical and educational value of the arts and humanities.

“Last year, we bought close to $2 million dollars into Hamilton’s economy, by showcasing to almost 120,000 people what the humanities could produce,” Barlow said. “There’s a vocational call for many in the arts and humanities - to relegate it as an optional extra is a bad idea. Take the screen industry as an example - the past four years, the screen industry has brought more money into our economy than the forestry sector,” he continued. “From a purely economic perspective, it makes sense to encourage that sector’s growth. But there’s so many facets to screen industry growth as well, like actors, musicians, builders, languages to help facilitate incoming productions from nonEnglish speaking countries.” Barlow went on to praise the arts and humanities for giving students the framework to analyse and interpret media. “We live in a world saturated with media - we all interact with it on some level. TV, YouTube, films, news, Nexus - it’s all media that we consume and how we look at it, interpret it, and understand it is part of the modern human experience- to look at cutting back the courses that give people the tools to think critically about what they’re presented with is dangerous.” “It’s important to remember that we are defined by our cultural markers - people don’t remember much about the gossip, the day to day lives of people from the renaissance but they remember the paintings. The same goes now with what we create. I think Winston Churchill summed it up best when he was asked why he hadn’t cut arts funding during World War II - he simply asked what then they were fighting for.” ♦ 06

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News — Pitopito Korero

Faculty of Med-ucation Lyam Buchanan For those of you who haven’t been following Stuff.co.nz, we are sure that journalism is still dying, and either the Kardashians or Fox News are responsible for it. Meanwhile in our neck of the woods the Waikato times is fighting with Auckland and Otago over whether or not something is in the public interest. This David vs. Goliath battle can be traced back to an OIA or Official Information Act. Quick history lesson, the University, like any other Government institution, is subject to the laws of the Official Information Act; which means you get to request any emails and other information that pertain to a certain person, object or situation. The good people of the Waikato Times filed an OIA with both Otago University and Auckland University regarding correspondence about our proposed Waikato Medical School. Perhaps they thought they would catch them out with some disparaging remarks or a bond-villain like plot to destroy the bid entirely. The latter being something that personally offended us, if anyone was going to destroy the medical school with words, it would be us. When Auckland University were presented with said OIA, they informed the times that they could have the 202 emails provided they paid a $570 admin charge because the information was not in the public interest. That’s where we got involved. As professional journalists, we decided to once again help our buddies at Stuff.co.nz after the recent passive aggressive claim from The University of Auckland. We posted the following to our Facebook page 07

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to try and solicit a response from any of them: In an effort to help Stuff.co.nz finally do real journalism, Nexus thought we would disprove the claim that the 202 emails held no significant public interest. How did we do that? Bidding War! Dear The University of Auckland, Recently you suggested to Stuff they could have the OIA on the proposed University of Waikato Medical School emails if they paid you $570 for admin charges. We are willing to go as high as $575 for the exclusive rights, or $600 if you throw in all emails where Chancellor Stuart McCutcheon says disparaging things about Craccum Magazine or AUSA - Auckland University Students’ Association. Although we don’t have $575 at the moment (we are student media after all), we are pretty confident we have a friend who can pick up the tab. Please email the invoice to Neil.Quigley@waikato.ac.nz Sincerely, Nexus Magazine Two weeks have gone and we have still not heard from Stuff.co.nz, or more importantly Otago, and Auckland. Their respective Student Associations have not been in touch regarding our offer. So we are left with no other choice, but to go nuclear and devote the rest of this page to random insults about Auckland, Otago and others. We aren’t even going to limit it to the Universities; we are making fun of the regions, the people and their sub-standard beer. Because when Nexus talks shit about you we don’t charge you $570 to read it. It’s not cyber bullying if it’s in print! ♦

VINCENT: →→ Otago can suck my ass since they’re so far down south already. ALEXANDER: →→ Auckland? More like Dorkland! CAMERON: →→ Otago turned my friends into scarfie, degree-shaming pricks. TAYLA: →→ Dunedin is just a bunch of shitty hairdressers and a whole lot of foreigners trying to get residency. TARAN: →→ I’m just salty that I’m stuck in Hamilton instead of being constantly fucked in Otago. Fuckem. TASH: →→ Do I look like I can afford $3.2 million a week for rent??? CONOR: →→ I hate them because the large man interviewing me is terrifying and told me to hate them. JEN: →→ I wouldn’t let a Jafa anywhere near my guiche. Scarfies though... ;)

News — Pitopito Korero

NEXUS MAGAZINE

TL;LR Too Long; Lyam Read “THERE ARE 11 SIGNS IF YOU INCLUDE WORKING FOR NEXUS.” — 10 signs you won’t ever get rich. Groundbreaking research reveals living beyond your means - and maxing out your credit card is an indicator you may not be getting rich any time soon. “I’M GONNA GUESS A BOX OF NZ LAGERS AND A PACK OF DARTS FOR $40 IS A LITTLE CHEAPER THAN BAIL.” — Beer burglar caught getting fourth round. He just wanted more alcohol, but after going back to the well - someone else’s outdoor fridge - a fourth time, this beer burglar was caught out.

“GET FUCKED.” — High incomes, awful finances: People for whom $100,000 isn’t enough to live on. “STUFF.CO.NZ TRULY IS THE PINNACLE OF PROFESSIONAL JOURNALISM.” — Can we please just let men be men?, Bring back old-fashioned masculinity, from the time before males were filleted by gender equality. “THE TRIP TO AND FROM PALMY MAY HAVE BEEN EXPENSIVE BUT HIGH SCHOOL KIDS WILL PAY OVER THE MARKET FOR HOLIDAY BLUES.” — $40,000 of cigarettes stolen from Palmerston shop.

“I DON’T THINK HE UNDERSTOOD THE STORY OF ROSA PARKS AS WELL AS HE THINKS.” — Man sits in front of Auckland bus after driver won’t let him board.

News in Numbers 36

$800

9.5ft

disgruntled Snapchats were received as a result of last weeks unsolvable sudoku

is the average pay for a male pornstar in a 15-20 minute film

years of jail is on the cards for an Australian caught travelling with 6kgs of cocaine

fingers have been established as the optimal quantity for waving at roadworkers

swells are expected in Raglan on the 11th of May, how ‘bout that

weeks left until we truly realise how little we’ve achieved pre-exams

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Sports — Hākinakina

The Nabsta Strikes Goal on FIFA’s Biggest Stage Tom Collopy PLAYER PROFILE Nathan “The Nabsta” Kennedy / 21 / BMS Online Record: 1048 wins, 80 draws, 234 losses In April, Waikato student Nathan Kennedy travelled to Vancouver to compete in the second season FIFA Ultimate Team Rest of the World Regional Finals. First prize was $100,000 and 2 qualification spots to the Championships Finals in Berlin. While he didn’t proceed from the group stages, it’s an incredible feat and opportunity to be able to compete against some of the world’s top players. I was able to ask Nathan a few questions about the event, his thoughts on his performance and what the future holds. TELL ME ABOUT THE QUALIFICATION PROCESS. You had to place within in the top 16 through the “FUT Champions” Weekend league for the month of January 2017. Each weekend league involved 40 games played in 72 hour period against the best in your region. I was travelling for work over January so I ended up completing my 3 weekends in 3 different cities around the country. It was a big time commitment to play 40 games in this time. I couldn’t believe [I’d made it]. A free trip to Canada to play a video game for money, unreal. Neither could my friends or family. However, it soon hit afterwards the pressure of performing at the event. So, I tried to keep myself at a calm level about it. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE CLOSENESS OF YOUR GROUP GAMES? All of my group games were tight as no-one wanted to make an unforced error that could cost them the match. Against the Xbox finalist 09

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in particular, we fought a very hard match until he snatched a rebound goal in the 70th minute, before switching to a 5 at the back formation to close the game out. That’s FIFA unfortunately. WHAT WAS YOUR PREFERRED LINEUP THROUGHOUT THE COMPETITION AND DID YOU CHANGE IT MUCH THROUGHOUT THE GROUP STAGES? We were given a super account with access to every player and special item in Ultimate Team. There was no price budget on a team, so I chose to play a 4-3-2-1 formation with various “Team of the Year” and Legend cards involved. I would switch formations in game accordingly to counter opponents’ playing style PLAYING AGAINST SOME OF THE BEST FIFA NAMES IN THE INDUSTRY MUST’VE BEEN AWESOME? It was incredible, the event was run in a professional manner with people making their debuts to seasoned pros who tour the world playing at a competitive level. I got to talk to YouTube sensations like Spencer Owen and Jimmy Conrad. D-Man and Joe Miller were interesting to chat to as they are familiar on the wider E-Sports industry. The game itself is made in Vancouver, so several EA developers were there. We got to discuss issues with this year’s title from a competitive standpoint. ♦

Sports — Hākinakina

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Hittin’ That White Powder Cameron McRobie Winter is coming. Whether you’re a seasoned park rat, weekend warrior or haven’t been lucky enough to venture South of Taumarunui yet – she’s looking to be an absolute blinder of a season for the Mt. Ruapehu Ski fields, get hype! As the cooler (literally and debatable) cousin of surfing, snowboarding is the ideal option for Neanderthals who can’t count to more than one. Snowboards came to be in the 1960s, coincidentally, the time period famous for the consumption of fuck tons of drugs (or not). Rising in popularity in leaps and bounds in the mid 90s, snowboarding was introduced into many high profile events (like the 1998 Winter Olympics – no big deal). Being the rad, new and fashionable alternative to a lame two-planker (skier) – brought with the timeless – jealousy fuelled skiers vs. snowboarders feud. Skiing, on the other hand, is appropriate for the better-than-you, trust fund kid/prick who has never been in the wrong in their lives. This is particularly clear-cut out on the slopes, skiers are NEVER at fault for any collision – even if they’ve decided to ski blindfolded and backwards through a crowd of fellow skiers having lunch, the nearest snowboarder is clearly to blame. As the old-boy of the two snowsports, skiing is practical and

relatively easy to pick up the fundamentals (pizza, French fries). Compared with the ‘fuckin’ hippy’ population of 18 – 24 year old snowboarders, skiing is much easier on the body long term so provides for all ages and levels of physical fitness. Even retiring snowboarders have been known to finally see the light and jump on two shred-sticks. Regardless of any mountain rivalries, groms and shredders alike can all be certain to froth for Après Ski (mountain night time activities). Given that Ohakune and Natty Park (the two main towns of Mt. Ruapehu) have fuck all to do out of skiing hours, you can be assured a (not so) quiet bevy or two will be sunk – what better way to keep warm than with a trusty alcohol blanket? Getting loose after a ripper bluebird day up the hill is enough to get even the mellowest carvers cranking, after all – hittin’ lines in that fresh white pow is fucking exhilarating! If any of the above (being it actual snowsports or just getting on the rark) interests you and you’ve read this far (congrats, nerd), then the Waikato University Snowsports Club is definitely for you! If you haven’t seen their plague of dank hoodies around campus or had a geez at the club’s Facebook page, then head on down to Little George this Wednesday (May 10th) at 7pm to meet fellow frothers for cheap pizza, drinks and yarns! ♦ 10

Arts — Toi

NEXUS MAGAZINE

ARTS

RAMP Gallery Peter Dornauf I’m expecting a knock on my door any day soon from the university hatchet men. It’s been rumoured that not enough students are reading the arts page. They’re all out there chanting for the return of Aunty Slut. So I’ve gotta go. That’s how the cookie crumbles in the old dog eat dog capitalist world, where numbers mean value. So I’m expecting the exit interview shortly, lining up along with the music, social science, language and history departments. In the meantime, here’s something from an educational institution that’s not cutting back on the arts, namely, Waikato Wintec. It runs a gallery called, Ramp, off Collingwood Street, and it’s currently showing a collection of works entitled, “Beauty is in the Street”. The title is a window into the conceptual pieces which take ordinary everyday objects - a cap, a dress, a pair of shoes, tea towel, or pup tent and transforms them into something other than themselves. They become, in the process, art forms that speak to the notion of loss, memory, the politics of homelessness or the place where art and design cross over. Take Rawiri Brown’s “Pup Tent”. It’s a canvas ‘tent’ hanging off the gallery wall with a hood sewn into it, referencing a wearable shelter that might fit the needs of a homeless person. A pair of shoes sit on the gallery floor covered in a pile of salt. It’s a creation of Lulu Fang and gives voice to the sense of loss that comes with the experience of migration where items of clothing might remain behind in the process of leaving one's native land. The salt is a symbolic preservative, an attempt to keep memory alive. An ordinary humble tea towel is taken by Annie Mackenzie, unravelled at the bottom and then rewoven by hand in a different weave to highlight the notion of traditional skills. A dress is draped over an A frame in such a tight, funky and asymmetrical fashion to draw attention to the dynamic operating between art and design. Luka Mues, whose creation it is, currently works as a stylist and costume designer in Berlin. If that doesn’t press your buttons, nip over to Frankton and check out Clara Wells at Skinroom Gallery (123 Commerce Street). She is enamoured by the famous New Zealand artist, Len Lye, who made it in Europe in the 1930s, hobnobbing with the likes of surrealist, Man Ray. Her time and motion hand drawn animations are essentially dancing abstractions. “Barefoot Hamilton”, is one to meet. ♦

Reviews — Arotakenga

TV Arotakenga Whakaaturangaa ‘Five Came Back’ - Netflix Review: Alexander Nebesky

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

Podcast Arotakenga Kōnae Ipurangi ‘S-Town’ (available on iTunes) Review: Jennie Kendrick

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

Video Game Arotakenga Tākoro Ataata ‘Five Nights at Freddy’s’ - Scott Cawthon Review: Conor Maxwell

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

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REVIEWS

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Five Came Back is a three-part documentary series currently streaming on Netflix. It covers the wartime careers of five of Hollywood’s greatest directors and the influence their experiences in the Second World War had on their lives and artistic output. The Second World War saw Americans all over the nation clamouring for their chance to serve. For the filmmakers at the centre of this series, including Frank Capra, John Huston, and William Wyler, that meant training their cameras on this all encompassing, apocalyptic conflict. Some, like John Ford found themselves filming the conflict from the front line, assembling the historic and horrific footage into documentaries intended to reveal the reality of the war to the American people and to stir a sense of urgency and responsibility in viewers. Others, like Capra, worked tirelessly on propaganda pieces intended to examine the necessity of the war, the roots of the conflict itself, and the incredibly-racist-by-today’s-standards Know Your Enemy films to examine the nature of the United States’ adversaries. The series is supplemented with footage of the various films in subject, and interviews with some of today’s premier directors, Steven Spielberg, Francis Ford Coppola, Guillermo del Toro, and narrated by Meryl Streep. The legacies and significance of these wartime films, and their impacts on cinema and the filmmakers themselves, is examined in immense detail and revealing reverence. Worth watching both from a history of cinema perspective, and for those with an interest in World War II, Five Came Back is one of Netflix’s finest outputs to date. ♦

Murder mysteries and grandfather clocks have always tickled my pickle. This podcast was produced by the same people as Serial and This American Life, so the quality of research, presentation, and narrative is top-notch and sure to delight. S-Town stands for Shit Town, the colloquial name that the main focus of the podcast, John B. McLemore, made up in order to explain the stagnancy and backwards nature of his hometown, Woodstock, Alabama. John is eccentric, frenetic, extremely intelligent, and often highly offensive. The podcast presenter, Brian Reed, steers the content away from John’s outrageous initial claims, and more towards a study on John himself through the course of seven episodes. The episodes follow real-life events and while I don’t want to spoil any cliffhangers for potential listeners, I will warn that there is a suicide and a lot of conversation about mental health and homosexuality. John is a truly fascinating human being, and while he may not express himself accurately (it is speculated he may have Asperger’s Syndrome), his struggle with sexuality in the Bible Belt and mentorship of guys in need of a father figure, is devastating. There’s several lines of investigation as to why John’s mental health had rapidly deteriorated before the podcast’s recording, including a link to mercury poisoning aka Mad Hatter’s Disease. S-Town is perhaps not for the podcast newbie as the content is dense and drawn out over multiple episodes, but it is phenomenal and made a big splash upon its release in March. ♦

Five Nights at Freddy’s is a title that revolutionised the horror genre in gaming, but probably not for the better. Before FNAF, horror games had atmosphere, suspense, and the bare minimum number of chickens wearing bibs. Now, it’s all about jump scares- the cheapest, and most effective way of making gamers shit themselves. The game’s premise is a simple one; you’re a night guard at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza- a family restaurant boasting rogue animatronic animals that don’t like your face- and you must endure seven nights (plot twist) of this job, without being murdered by Freddy and his band of furries: Chica the Chicken, Bonny the Bunny and Foxy the Pirate Fox. More interesting than the gameplay is the lore of this game, and by extension, the entire FNAF franchise. Scott Cawthon, the series’ sole developer, has spent the last three years weaving a tale of mad scientists, dead children and exotic butters, that is so complex that it’s entirely possible Cawthon is just making it all up as he goes. For most people, FNAF is a pretty neat game, but for me and my mate Cullen, the FNAF franchise is an obsession. Should you play this game? Fuck no, watch Markiplier play it on Youtube. Save yourself some money, and some underpants. ♦

Reviews — Arotakenga

Album Arotakenga Pakaemi ‘Songs to Get Puppies to Sleep’ Ghosts of Electricity Review: Alexander Nebesky

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

Film Arotakenga Kiriata ‘2001: A Space Odyssey’ - Stanley Kubrick Review: Troy Anderson

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Songs to Get Puppies to Sleep is a clunky title for a bit of a clunky record. A mixture of jarring, sporadic, spoken pieces and gorgeous melodic compositions sees this album torn right down the middle. The opening track mixes chunky guitar riffs with spoken word narrative reminiscent of The Streets, but ultimately fails to do justice to either, and this is the album’s ultimate failing. ‘Cultural Show’ is an example of the album’s strength- the conventional song. A guitar riff that could have strutted right off of T. Rex’s The Slider dances underneath a Mac DeMarco inspired vocal line- and it’s fantastic. ‘A Trip to the Home World Stadium’ epitomises the album’s struggle between what are essentially two halves. Equal parts ramblings on the topic of local sport and fantastic melodic development, while I could have done without the unfocused musings laden with expletives and references to rugby, pies, and all things that make up the atrocious artificial culture we call ‘Kiwiana’, the middle section is a beautiful piece of melodic arrangement constructed around the piece’s central motif- the phrase ‘My son’s not a cunt’. It’s wickedly clever, as much as it is a sincere refrain. ‘Eat Love Happy’ is another great song, the vocals shine, and the instrumentation is cutesy without being saccharine. ‘Times Aren’t Changing’ strikes the perfect balance between the album’s contrastic sonic themes, and so, feels like the realisation of the album’s intentions. This record is uneven, but when it shines, it really shinesand you can always skip the messy tracks and find yourself listening to an excellent collection of songs, the strength of which lies in their catchy melodies. ♦ It’s time to get ret… ro. This monstrosity of a film came out way back in ’68 and man, oh man, is it something else. If I knew nothing going into this, I would have told anyone informing me of its release date to go straight to hell. Stanley Kubrick’s clinical insanity really shows in the painstaking attention paid to every detail in this thing. He’s a stickler for realism and doesn’t let any poor effects take you out of the experience. Because of its age, I do cut one particular scene a bit of slack that appears to be a thirteen-minute acid trip, because it still looks good, is well executed and is an important part of the narrative. This film is no doubt the first big budget sci-fi film ever made, paving the way for the genre to be where it is today. It is a film that looks at the development of intelligence within our species, via the influence of a highly secretive and unseen alien race. It goes at its own pace, stresses the details and ultimately tells an intriguing story that explores some interesting parts of the human mind. If you go into this wanting for nothing, I am certain it will sweep you away on a journey. ♦

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Album Arotakenga Pakaemi ‘Tropix’ - Céu Ben Hansen

Céu’s latest offering shows why música popular brasileira is in a totally different league to Anglophone pop music. Tropix builds from a solid bossa nova base using string orchestras, electronic bleeps and bloops, and a few flirtations with funk. The result is surprisingly coherent. It avoids sounding like an unholy fusion of musical elements that were never meant to be together: it just works. On the first track, Céu’s gentle singing is met with unexpected funk, setting the tone for the rest of the album. The sweet bossa nova lullabies ‘A Menina E O Monstro’ and ‘Sangria’ are complemented by the tight grooves of ‘A Nave Vai’ and ‘Etílica/Interlúdio’. And despite the stylistic hopscotch, Céu’s smooth vocals remain strong and alluring throughout all twelve tracks. By the standards of música popular brasileira, Tropix is heavily produced. Some of the spontaneous and improvisational magic of the genre is smothered by the production, and Céu sounds isolated from her band. This hardly spoils the album; it just sounds more like Western pop. It’s easy listening—so if you’re looking for a record that’ll redefine the boundaries of music then you’d better look elsewhere. But for a mellow evening jam, Tropix will deliver. ♦

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Entertainment — Whakangahau

Entertainment Hottest to Nottest →→ Masturbation →→ Puppy smooches →→ Texting back after a date →→ Feijoas →→ Getting an Insta follow from Refuel Jo →→ Classes with attendance roll calls

Best of the Web - The Woke Babes of Instagram @SCANDINAVIANDREAMGURL Amalie Have is a Danish model and activist living in Copenhagen, who is currently campaigning to end rape culture as a rape survivor herself. Have is a total babe, sharing bikini shots to present a different shape of sexuality to Instagram, but she’s also incredibly courageous, documenting her sexual assault and shutting down victim shaming.

→→ Texting during a date →→ Ripping your fave pair of jeans in the crotch →→ Typing in ALL CAPS on Facebook →→ 13 Reasons Why

Please Don’t Quote Me “SINCE I COULDN’T BRING MY SISTER AS A DATE, I BROUGHT MY OLD HAIR.” — Jaden Smith is channeling 2007 Britney Spears after not getting asked to his Year 13 ball. “THAT’S A MARSHMALLOW. THAT’S A CHILD. THAT’S A DOG.” — Lena Dunham explains to co-producers of Girls the many reasons why there aren’t any roles left available for non-white actors on the show. “LITERALLY, I DROPPED IT ON HER.” — George Clooney releases a fire AF mixtape and forces baby mama Amal to listen to it.

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@ELYSE.FOX Filmmaker Elyse Fox founded the Sad Girls Club, which may sound like a group of Internet meme queens, but is a support group for young women on the internet struggling with mental health. She’s a young woman of colour who released her first documentary last year, A Conversation with Friends, which records her plight with depression over a year period. @TAVITULLE Tavi Gevinson is the founder and editor-in-chief of Rookie Magazine. She started the magazine at 15 as an off-shoot of her blog Style Rookie, that she started at just 12. A kick-ass feminist, she started a ‘get well soon card drive’ for Malala Yousafzai, after she survived being shot by the freakin’ Taliban. Gevinson created Rookie as a platform for young people to share their opinion and stories about socio-political issues. @JULIANAHUXTABLE Often rocking navy blue eyebrows, Juliana Huxtable is a trans* and intersex model and DJ, hailing from New York City. Her art has been featured in Hood by Air’s F/W 2013 fashion show and are on display at the Guggenheim. A 3-D printed sculpture of her nude body was displayed at the 2015 New Museum Triennial, and this unabashed exposure is continued on her Instagram.

Random Audit â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Kauwhau

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Feature â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Kupu Whakaatu

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BY L I A M C O F F EY

MEDICAL ATTENTION: VC INTERVIEW

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Media & The Med School WE HAVE A PRETTY MED SCHOOL ORIENTED ISSUE THIS WEEK. FIRST AND FOREMOST HAVE YOU BEEN FOLLOWING STUFF.CO.NZ’S BATTLE WITH AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OVER THEIR REFUSAL TO RELEASE EMAILS ABOUT THE WAIKATO MED SCHOOL TO AN OIA? I am aware of the issue, but only from what I have read in the media. THE REASON THEY GAVE FOR CHARGING A FEE OF OVER $500 IS THAT THE INFORMATION ISN’T IN THE PUBLIC INTEREST. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT? I think that it should be possible for a public sector organisation to charge a fee for responding to an OIA request when the request involves a lot of work to retrieve the information. If the material requested is from files that are electronically searchable then the time involved in responding to the request is unlikely to be large. I am not aware that the respondent’s assessment of what is in the public interest is a criteria for charging a fee for an OIA. RECENTLY, WE FELT COMPELLED TO DEFEND THE MED SCHOOL PROPOSAL SO WE WROTE TO STUFF, AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY AND STUART MCCUTCHEON AND TRIED TO CREATE A BIDDING WAR FOR THE INFORMATION CITING BOTH PUBLIC INTEREST AND SUGGESTING WE WOULD GO AS HIGH AS $600, IF THEY THREW IN ANY EMAILS WHERE THE VC TRASH TALKED AUCKLAND MAGAZINE CRACCUM OR AUSA. WE DID SUGGEST YOU WOULD PAY FOR THAT, IF THAT COMES THROUGH ARE YOU GOOD FOR THE MONEY? Yes, I will pay if you turn up something really salacious and/or in the public interest. Short of that, you had better start planning your fundraising strategies.

This week we gave the VC a chance to boost our egos, trash talk Salient some more and discuss everything from the med school proposal to why the fuck are we still paying for Student Health Services when they still don’t open on a Saturday?

GIVEN THE NEWSPAPERS THINK THEY WILL CATCH AUCKLAND OR OTAGO DISSING YOU, DO YOU WANT TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY (NOTE: WE ARE GOING TO DO THIS FOR YOU IN OUR NEWS SECTION ANYWAY) TO PUBLICLY CRITICIZE OTAGO, AUCKLAND, OR JUST FOR FUN, SALIENT AGAIN? Well, think of it this way. What if only two universities were allowed to have student magazines, call them Salient Dunedin and Salient Auckland (your worst of all possible worlds - two Salients). The editors of the two Salients convinced the Tertiary Education Commission that they were providing all of the commentary, satire and sexual references that were of interest to students, so no more student magazines were allowed. But the editors of the two Salients have a rule that you had to live in Auckland or Dunedin for a year even to be eligible to be selected to write for them, by which time you had forgotten all about any issues that might be relevant to students in Hamilton. Now you are starting to understand medical education in New Zealand. 18

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Feature — Kupu Whakaatu

Actual Med School WHERE DOES OUR PROPOSAL DIFFER FROM OTAGO AND AUCKLAND? The Waikato proposal is a fully developed business case for a graduate entry medical school with a large amount of community support for its implementation. The Otago and Auckland proposal is still at the concept stage even though they were funded to develop it several years ago, and would retain the undergraduate entry model which is increasingly out of line with medical education in the rest of the world. WHY DID YOU BELIEVE THERE WAS ROOM FOR BOTH IN THE MARKET? All of the projections for New Zealand’s health workforce say that we will be reliant on doctors trained overseas to fill 30% of our health workforce for the foreseeable future. It just cannot be true that it is not possible for us to train more of our own doctors, it is just a matter of making the investment in new medical schools and new clinical training facilities. HOW IS THE PROPOSAL BEING RECEIVED BY THE WAIKATO DHB, LOCAL IWI, PAUL GOLDSWORTHY AND THE GOVERNMENT AS A WHOLE? The proposal has been developed jointly with the Waikato DHB, so they support it. We have discussed the proposal with, and received support from Iwi leaders. I believe that the government is interested in our proposal.

HOW WILL THIS EFFECT LAGGING EFTS ACROSS THE BOARD? Because the medical school will accept students from any undergraduate degree (as is common in Australia, the US and Canada) and not just from science degrees, I expect that a Waikato Medical School would be positive for our enrolments across the board. WHEN CAN WE SEE IMAGES (FEATURED IN THE TIMES ALREADY) OF A PROPOSED NEW BUILDING? The image in the Times was something done for the DHB, and was just an artist’s impression of what could happen on one site at the hospital. We are not at the stage of designing any buildings so you will not see anything from me for a while. IS IT TRUE THAT ROSS LAWRENSON IS HELMING THE PROJECT AND IF SO HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING BAR 101 AND THE LAWRENSON GROUP ON BOARD AS A SPONSOR, THEY HAVE BEEN GREAT FOR US AND THEIR STUDENT NUMBERS ARE SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER THAN EITHER OF OURS? Ross Lawrenson is part of the team working on the project, but as far as I know he has no say in the running of Bar 101. Your question raises an interesting thought though, and one I should have had myself: on student numbers, Lawrenson Group would be our largest faculty, and likely make a nice contribution to our surplus as well. Nexus, how would you like a job in the VC Office? SPEAKING OF MONEY, SIR OWEN GLENN HAS BEEN A BIG SUPPORTER OF THE CONCEPT WHAT DOES HIS SUPPORT MEAN? Sir Owen cares about community issues in New Zealand, so he was quick to understand where a community-engaged medical school could add value to New Zealand. His public support for us came at a critical time when our public campaign for the medical school needed a boost, and his financial support will be a great benefit to the school. In short, Sir Owen’s contribution to this project has been amazing. SIR OWEN HAS SPOKEN ABOUT THE POTENTIAL OF THE MED SCHOOL BEING GREAT FOR THE COMMUNITY AND DEVELOPING A GENERATION OF EXCELLENT PROFESSIONALS, DOES IT WORRY YOU HE SAID EXACTLY THE SAME THING ABOUT THE NZ WARRIORS BEFORE PULLING OUT? Now let’s not be mean to the Warriors, they need all the support that they can get.

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P H OTO G R A P H E D BY J E S S I E O R R I C O

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Sorting the Shit Out CAN YOU CLARIFY WHETHER OR NOT THERE IS ANY LINK BETWEEN CHANGES IN THE FACULTY OF ARTS AND SOCIAL SCIENCES AND THE FACULTY OF EDUCATION AS HAS BEEN SUGGESTED TO US? The business case for the medical school is entirely standalone. If the Government support our proposal, the medical school will come with funding for initial capital investment and set-up costs. Once the medical school is established (given that SAC funding and tuition fee revenue per student will be twice that even of engineering), the medical school will contribute to the University surplus. The changes in arts, social science and education resulted simply from them having staffing levels that are unsustainably high - and that means unsustainable with or without the medical school. CAN YOU CLARIFY THAT NO CUTS AFFECTING THE ACCESS TO, QUALITY OF AND DELIVERY OF EDUCATION IN ANY OTHER PROGRAMME OR FACULTY HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE MED SCHOOL? Most of the opposition to the current change is from people who believe they are entitled to be supported by other parts of the University. I am challenging that level of entitlement and trying to remove cross-subsidies, I am certainly not interested in a medical school that would require cross-subsidies from other parts of the University. A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN TO US UPSET THAT THEY ARE LOSING FREE MEDICAL CARE TO CO-PAY AT THE SAME TIME AS WE ARE PREACHING THE VALUES OF COMMUNITY MEDICINE. WHILE THE TWO ARE UNRELATED SURELY YOU RECOGNISE SOME OF THE HYPOCRISY? Community medicine is about access to a doctor who understands the social and cultural context in which their patients live and work. It is not about free health care. Even with the copayment, a large number of students who do not use our health service will be making a financial contribution to it through their student levy payments. So we just have to weigh up how much we are willing to levy every student to provide free health care to only some of our students. IS IT TRUE THAT IF ALISON KIRKMAN DOESN’T LIKE THIS INTERVIEW SHE CAN PROPOSE NEXUS GETS RESTRUCTURED? Remember, Allison Kirkman is a refugee from VUW and Salient. So like me, Allison loves Nexus: you will be fine. ♦

BY E I KO OJA L A

By Tori Räikkönen GENRE: LOWBROW/POP SURREALISM FACEBOOK: ARTIST -TORI RAIKKONENINSTAGRAM: TORI.RAIKKONEN.ILLUSTRATION

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Full Exposure — Mārakerake

Hazel English 23

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Full Exposure — Mārakerake

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Professionalism is our strong suit, so Yam emailed Australian indie muso Hazel English questions at 2am and potentially revealed his crush on her. YOUR MUSIC MAKES ME FEEL AS IF I’M LIVING THROUGH A COMING OF AGE ‘90S MOVIE. I CAN SEE MYSELF SLOWLY DRIVING THROUGH DUSK FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF AN ARTISTICALLY PLACED 35MM CAMERA. HOW’D YOU TURN ME INTO A SAPPY INDIE KID? WHAT DID YOU DO TO BECOME THE QUEEN OF COMFY LO-FI? I’m not really sure how to answer that haha. I can say that I am a big fan of ‘90s music because it’s what I grew up with, so I think it definitely influences my songwriting. People sometimes say my music reminds them of The Sundays which is a big compliment; they were a great ‘90s band. A LOT OF INDIE AUSTRALIAN MUSICIANS SEEM TO COME TOGETHER AS ONE BIG OL’ WHOLESOME CLIQUE, ARE THEY ALL AS FRIENDLY IN PERSON AS THEY MAKE OUT TO BE ON SOCIAL MEDIA? Since I don’t live in Australia anymore, it’s hard to say but I still keep in touch with some of my Aussie musician friends and they are definitely very friendly, and from what I hear, it’s a pretty inclusive scene. WHO ARE YOUR CURRENT FAVOURITE ARTISTS? Lately I’ve been enjoying the new albums from Jay Som and Tei Shi. WHAT STARTED YOUR PASSION FOR EVERYTHING VINTAGE? I’ve always had a fondness for vintage. I started thrifting when I was 15 and I really haven’t stopped since then. It has just become part of my identity now. I’m just drawn to things from the past. IS THERE A NEW EP ON THE CARDS? CAN WE BE EXPECTING THE SAME DREAMY SOUND? Yes the double EP comes out May 12 and it is consistent with the dreamy vibe of the first songs I released. I wrote and recorded all the songs around the same time so they fit together nicely, but can also stand alone as two separate EPs. I DON’T MEAN GET TOO HARD HITTING WITH THESE QUESTIONS BUT I REALLY NEED TO KNOW WHY YOU HAVEN’T BEEN POPPING OVER TO NEW ZEALAND TO BLESS US WITH YOUR GIGS? I would love to come play in New Zealand! We haven’t even done a proper tour of Australia yet, mainly because it costs a lot to bring the whole band over but I definitely hope to come to NZ in the near future. ♦ 24

Student Experience — Wheako Tauira

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Puppet Master Politics “I fucking hate election year,” said the omnipotent voice from across the hall. “Every political club on campus wants to hold events, every politician – even the weird ones – want to spend time on campus. The worst part is that every student magazine across the country, ours included, will find politically-active people like William and get them to pretend to be neutral, and it never fucking works because they never get to the point, people who don’t vote aren’t connecting with voting.” “You know what we should do?” He asked before continuing without checking if anyone was even in the editor’s office. “Find anyone, just some random who can write well, that knows nothing about politics, has never voted, and make them the person who does all the interviews. We set them up, but don’t control the questions, the interactions, any of that, and get them to interview every candidate and some journalists and be our every person.” He went to ask if we knew anyone like that, but as he did, he was interrupted by the sounds of serendipity. “Who the fuck is Bill English, and should I actually give a fuck about any of these press releases where he just talks shit about fucking swimmable rivers and nothing else? Why are we even subscribed to him at Nexus?” Ladies and gentlemen, in his own words, we give you the first of our weekly series of political insight…

Why I don’t anything about politics by Lyam Buchanan I’d rather be ignorant and carefree than engage in some pointless argument about the ‘left vs. right’, or why someone believes their political party is superior. In a tragic turn of events, I was recently subjected to a workplace conversation about the supposed upcoming election; which was promptly followed by a circlejerk about everyone’s party views. I had hoped blatantly ignoring everyone would allow me to slip out of the room unnoticed, but there was no escape from the imminent ‘what do you think?’. Funnily enough, this quickly escalated to ‘why the fuck aren’t you enrolled to vote?’ and an onslaught of why I’m an awful person. As a slave to the system, I’ve now been forced to interview

various political figures and youth parties on campus, and give them the opportunity to enlighten me to the world of politics. My vote is completely up for grabs. Each interview will eventuate to an even more painful version of The Bachelor, with the end goal being the gradual end to my ignorance and an informative recap of why certain political party members believe they should have my vote. Since politics is a breeding ground for the opinionated, I’d like to also open this up to whoever disagrees with any points I may make, or believes they’re manipulative enough to convince me to align my political views with theirs. Flick an email through to lyam@nexusmag.co.nz ♦ 26

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Student Experience — Wheako Tauira

HAVE YOU ALREADY LEFT IT TOO LATE? START

With the end of semester looming, these next few weeks will be ripe with last minute assignments, mental breakdowns and a scrambling attempt to remedy the mess you’ve ended up in yet again. To ensure the best use of what little time you have left, our professional team of condescending academics have compiled a foolproof quiz to determine whether or not you’ve truly fucked up this time round.

Do you feel confident about your classes?

Have you skipped any assignments?

Have you passed anything this semester?

Are you in the Golden Key Society? Are you sure you’re confident about

class, or are you just living in blissful ignorance? If you’ve ended up down this path, you’re probably a crammer.

Do you work hard and utilise self discipline to achieve your goals?

Y Do you have a fulfilling social life?

Do you breeze through class effortlessly with natural intelligence?

Two days before each exam you’ll turn

into a psychopath and learn the entire semester, then ace the paper by vomiting knowledge over your script.

Y I guess university is just the place for you. Obviously, you’ll ace

Do you have an active and healthy sex life?

this semester just like everything else you put your mind to.

Being an introvert must be trendy.

When you’re achieving this highly,

You already know you'll ace this

it’s natural to make sacrifices. You’ll

semester, so use some of that spare

have time for menial tasks such as

time to start a nihilistic tumblr?

coitus later in life. Save all those sexual activities for procreation.

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Student Experience — Wheako Tauira

Ok then bigshot, looks like you’re living the absolute dream then, aren’t ya? Hopefully, a year of student debt is

Fuck alright what a way to bring

Really?

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down the mood. We’re just trying to enjoy a light-hearted quiz, but you gotta pop in

worth the sweet Insta you’ve curated.

and ruin it for everyone. Nice one bud.

N It’s time to enter damage control

and re-evaluate your life decisions.

You’re pretty fucked, but there is still a

chance you can pull together a cheeky C- or at least a Restricted Pass if you’re lucky. Ever considered Wintec?

Are you a First Year who’s simply here ‘for the boys’ and to just have an all round great time.

Do you have friends? Y Honestly, just stop. You’re genuinely

You’ve got absolutely nothing to

the worst kind of person. I hope this time

worry about. It’s a fair assumption that

round you actually have left it too late and

you’ve got a fairly functioning social life

completely fail the semester.

and people skills to match. Employers won’t care about your grades if you’re socially stunted. In the long run, the ability to spin a yarn and still achieve the minimum daily requirements for life will count for a whole lot more than a couple

You’re a journalists wet dream.

of lame ass A+ grades.

Your tragic premature death will ripple through the nation and crush those who loved you. You’re too clever to let anyone else know about your habits

Do you always talk shit as if you’ve failed an assignment/test but never get less than 90%?

but nothing gets past an autopsy. At least you’ll hold on to your A average, live hard die hard, right?

Y Do you have a crippling addiction to class A stimulants?

Your mind is in the right place

and your work ethic is admirable. You’ll breeze through exams and those last few assignments will flow naturally. Treat yourself.

Well, aren’t you just a special little snowflake. Don’t waste your time listening to us, you’re above this. You already know you haven’t left it too late, you never leave anything too late. We understand that you only took this test in an attempt to remedy the disconnection you feel from your peers. You wish you knew what it was like to experience a struggle in life. You’re better than us, just accept it.

Disclaimer: Nexus does not (and most likely will never) have any affiliated professionals or academics. These results have little to no scientific backing, so we discourage you to allow your tertiary career to be determined by our simple quiz. This is purely a tool to help you waste more time than you already do. We will not be held accountable for any detriment this may cause to your physical or mental well-being. 28

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Columns — Maramara Kōrero

↑ P H O T O G R A P H B Y S H AW N M I L L E R

Eco Emporium Why this hermit crab is wearing a Jacques Cousteau hat

The World Shipping Council has estimated that an average of 2,683 containers were lost at sea annually from 2011-2013.

Valerie Bianchi My current superpower seems to be sweating excessively, but if I could choose, it would be breathing underwater. Jacques Cousteau gave us a chance to get a little closer to this dream by co-inventing the aqua-lung, the predecessor of modern SCUBA equipment. He said, “The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever”. In Aotearoa/New Zealand, I reckon this would resonate with many of us. After all, we’ve got about 18,000kms of coastline, and the North Island used to be a fish (Te Ika-a-Māui). Despite humanity’s fascination and best efforts to understand the Big Blue, we are told that there is much to be discovered. In the last couple of decades, however, we have actually learned a lot about the ocean from trash. The World Shipping Council has estimated that an average of 2,683 containers were lost at sea annually from 2011-2013. Lost cargo can be anything – 28,000 rubber duckies, completely sealed/ready to eat Dorito tortilla chips and Nike shoes en route from China to US have all made headlines washing ashore, to the bewilderment of beachcombers. By tracking these incidents (especially the accidental ducky deployment), scientists have confirmed ocean patterns, as well as developed a better understanding of ocean gyres. Every ocean has a gyre, or circular flowing current. In the ocean, a lot of the non-organic stuff that we toss out could end up in one of these. There doesn’t seem to be a complete consensus on where marine debris originates from but shipping adds a percent and land

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based litter is said to be 50-80% of the problem (depending on your source). Litter from many miles inland can end up marine debris by being blown by the wind, carried by rivers or through a storm drain. So much of our waste ends up in the ocean, that predictions have been made that the amount of plastic in the ocean could outweigh fish by 2050. To quote French froggie friend Jacques again: “Water and air, the two essential fluids on which all life depends, have become global garbage cans.” Sounds bleak! But it doesn’t have to be. Whether you like being on, in, next to the ocean or have a beach themed screensaver – consider how your actions are supporting your love for our blue marble. Pick one plastic item to eliminate from your life today, like plastic bags. Eco Emporium sewn bags are now available to help (@Eco Emporium in the cowshed behind the SUB building). When you forget your reusable bag, carry your items awkwardly without a bag so you remember next time. Learn more and what you can do to reduce waste on 23 May at 6.30pm for a conversation with Merren Tait, who went one year without using plastic, followed by a screening of the movie Plastic Ocean. Free event, S Block (S.G.01). For more information contact me at vbianchi@waikato.ac.nz ♦

Columns — Maramara Kōrero

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WUG Life Waikato United Gaming Society Tom Featonby Multiplayer games aren’t just for online screaming into a microphone. Sometimes you can literally punch the person that is tea-bagging your corpse (no one would blame you, damn tea-bagging is rough!). Some of my favourite gaming memories of late have been sitting next to a few friends and playing games together; something we do a lot of at WUGS events (www.WUGamingsociety.weebly.com/). Here are two of my favourites for local multiplayer good times. SWORDY Occasionally you see a promo video for a game and you just have to play it for yourself, to feel the awesome! Swordy was one of those games for me. As soon as I knew they were an NZ dev, I was on Twitter greasing the wheels to get a super-early build (pre-steam early access). The awesome dudes at Auckland’s Frogshark hooked me up so WUGS could test it out for them and give them some feedback. Win, win! Swordy is a physics-based brawler. Essentially, you pick a weapon (either before the match in ‘Champions’ or during the match in every other mode) and then you swing it around like crazy trying to kill each other. Weapons go from the very-slow-but-incrediblypowerful mace and war hammer – which can launch opponents out of the battle arena – to more nimble swords and daggers. It is my favourite NZ developed game to-date. The team at Frogshark have done an amazing job at doing what they have set out to do; which is make a really fun local multiplayer game. So get some mates together, or better yet join us at WUGS and get the blood flowing!

↑↓ SWORDY

GANG BEASTS You’d be hard-pressed to find a PC gamer that hasn’t played or seen a video about Gang Beasts, so this is purely for the newer members of the PC-gaming community or the console hardened battlers. Gang Beasts has been around for a while and has been featured by pretty much every YouTube gaming channel worth watching; so I’ll just give a quick overview here. You’re a blobby man thing, you choose your colour from the rainbow, choose your costume (my favourite is the comb-over business man; a look into the future maybe… hopefully not) and then you fling your limbs around in an attempt to knock your opponents off the level. Too easy right? Well, not really. On first look, you might think it’s a delicate balance of skill and button mashing mastered only by hours of practice, but you’d be wrong. Luck is the main obstacle to get across here. Luck and physics. Have fun! ♦

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Columns — Maramara Kōrero

Pass the AUX Playlist_06 Jacqui Swney My sister and I share a Spotify account, so let me just explain how that works. If one person is listening to Spotify, the other cannot because they won’t be able to hear anything. However, the other person does have the power to change the song. One weekend, I was playing some tunes at a party off my Spotify, and all of a sudden, the music cut out and the song changed and I was like “dammit Sidney” and then I hear “THERE’S A HUNDRED AND FOUR DAYS OF SUMMER VACATION,” and I look down at my laptop and the kid has hijacked my Spotify account to play Phineas and Ferb Bangerz, it was the most lit part of the night. SO, what I’m getting at here is if you don’t like any of these, hit up Phineas and Ferb; they’ll always have your back. ↑ A LT - J

IN COLD BLOOD BY ALT-J As a die hard alt-J enthusiast, it’s not hard for me to rave about their new single. Having been released this year, I’ve waited far too long to hear some new material from these guys and they did not disappoint. Immediately, this song hits you with classic alt-J vocals: the quirky lead vocals seem to be taking the piss, but they work with the band’s ethereal and trippy sound. This song shows an evolution in the band’s music. Their use of trumpets and brass instruments is different from their past work, and this song seems to have much more of a build up, almost like a movie for your ears. However, with this slight evolution in sound, alt-J stays true to their psychedelic nature and leaves me craving their next album. 12/10. COCAINE JESUS BY RAINBOW KITTEN SURPRISE Alright, looking at this band’s name, I immediately pictured some weird 2004 emo band that wore neon-green skinny jeans (RaWr XD if ya know what I mean). But that turned out to be far from the truth. This group of long-haired, bearded middle-aged men produced

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a banger of a tune. They start us out with some a cappella, showing us the unexpected pureness of their voices. They go on to sing an insanely truthful song about drugs and religion disguised by a catchy intro and some upbeat guitar riffs. They’ve got a great sound behind their ridiculous name, and I may be overly generous with my scores but I was pleasantly surprised by Rainbow Kitten Surprise. 10/10. HIGH ENOUGH BY K. FLAY I’ve talked about K. Flay before, when she was only the feature artist in a trap song that the DJ got credit for. But this song is all her, an impressive show of her artistry as an individual. This song has got some decent rock influences behind it and the initial guitar opening sounds a bit like a Black Keys or Cage the Elephant rip off, but her luscious, spectral voice compliments the sound well. Despite her chorus being slightly unoriginal, with its comparison between love and drugs and love being her drug (very Ke$ha-esque), it remains a solid listen solely because K. Flay is a queen. 7.5/10 ♦

Columns — Maramara Kōrero

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Tinder Tales Interreligious Relations 205 Mary Slagdalene 19 / F / Straight Long story short, I’m going to Hell. For someone who was taught to believe in the Christian concepts of life and death, this is a big damn deal. We matched on a Saturday morning and planned to hook up later that night. I was stoked because I hadn’t expected to match with such an attractive guy. He was young, well-mannered and wore geeky wire-rimmed spectacles - just my type. The date was good and there was crazy sexual tension between us. Thank goodness I was wearing a nice, matching set of underwear! The issue was that I’m supposed to be waiting until marriage… well, that’s what I told all my friends. I’d almost made it my brand - purity ring and all. However, this guy was just really hot and we ended up having sex in the back of his car. The next morning, I was feeling pretty guilty when I learnt about my church’s new youth pastor. ♦

Witchcraft and Superstition 208

I lay there in a state of tranquility, without a flinch I watched an arm come down from the heavens and take control.

Not Uncle Yam 19 / M / Straight I used to believe perseverance was the key to Tinder success – that if you stuck it out long enough you’d eventually find something semi-meaningful or at least bust an ungodly nut. However accepting defeat brought more satisfaction than any match ever could. After being legitimately stalked a few too many times, I decided to rid my phone of Tinder and stick to sober d until things died down. As anyone would, I got hella bored after my 12th round of the town route, so I popped a couple trammys to get me through those last few runs. As I got home, I could feel a holy presence coming over me. As I walked through the door, I was greeted with cones and as I climbed into bed I was filled with a calming warmth. I decide to rub one out to finish the night off, but our Lord had other plans. As I grasped my shaft, I lost the ability to function. I lay there in a state of tranquility, and without flinching – I watched an arm come down from the heavens and take control. My weak drug tolerance was allowing this hallucination to take me to places of satisfaction I’d never encountered. By abandoning my quest for unwed coitus, I was rewarded by higher powers. Tinder is a means of constraint; rid yourself of its shackles and allow your body the liberation it deserves. ♦

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Columns — Maramara Kōrero

Yam & Troy the Science Boys Haemogoblins Yam and Troy So I used to know a guy who donated blood. He was probably one of the roughest, mongrelest, most hectic bogan white dudes I’ve ever known. He used to get baked as fuck, and then go and donate blood. He said to me “fuck man, they should be paying me for my drug blood, someone’s getting all this THC for free,” and that got me thinking… What happens to your blood after you donate it but before it goes into someone else? If you’ve taken drugs, will they stay in the blood now that there are no kidneys to flush it out? The answer, is fuck knows, but here’s a yarn about it anyway. So after they take that big red bag away, where does it go? What happens to it? Well, boys and girls, I shall tell you. Depending on where you are located, your blood can travel a good distance before it’s processed. Your donated life-force is transported to facilities in either Auckland, Hamilton, Wellington, or Christchurch. Upon arriving, the blood is filtered and weighed before it is fractionated. Filtration is important for blood transfusions, as it lowers the risk of transfer of bacteria and viruses, which can be harboured by the white blood cells being filtered. However, no mention is made as to if this filtration lowers the concentration of illicit substances. The freshly-filtered blood is then centrifuged in order to separate the blood into its components. Now the fractionation process has begun, the plasma, platelets and red blood cells are separated and stored and treated differently. Plasma is blast frozen and held at -35 °C. Red blood cells are stored at 4 °C. Platelets are stored at 22 °C but require constant agitation, in order to stop them from clotting. All components are stored, until they are deemed safe, after adequate testing has been carried out.

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Readily available information suggests that blood samples are handed over to specialists for testing to ensure they meet certain safety standards. These standards are usually associated with blood diseases and infections, the likes of your HIV, your syphilis, your hepatitis, all very nasty shit. There is no doubt that they also test for illicit compounds in the blood as well, but there has been no mention of this so it’s kept way on the down low. As well as this, the volume of blood being dealt with daily means they cannot possibly test all of the blood, and as a result, rely on statistical sampling and the results from questionnaires filled out by donors to determine the suitability of the blood. So all considered, there is a very small possibility that your filthy, filthy drug blood has saved someone’s life, as well as made their day in more ways than one. Or perhaps that shit broke down well before it made it to the next person, who knows, probably real scientists, I’m just some dude who doesn’t get paid to do this. Go and donate some blood you legend. ♦

Columns — Maramara Kōrero

NEXUS MAGAZINE

P H O T O G R A P H Y : A L E S S A N D R A TA N E → @ A L E S S A N D R A R O S E T TA →

Darts & Crafts Can Do Part 2: Can-nisters Emily Reid The humble can returns for the second instalment of Can-Do. This easy, cheap and quick project will have your space organised in a jiffy, leaving you with plenty of time to spend unproductively. MATERIALS →→ An empty can →→ A test pot of paint →→ Paintbrush →→ Yarn →→ A hot glue gun HOW TO CRAFT: →→ Remove the label from the can and give it a thorough scrub. →→ Paint the can inside and outside and allow it a couple of hours to dry. →→ Hot glue to yarn to the can and wrap it around, following the groove pattern. →→ Hot glue the other end to secure and trim the excess. ♦

SNAPPED Snapped â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Atapaki

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NN WI

Snap nexusmag your shenanigans! The best snapchat each week wins a voucher from our mates at BurgerFuel. Claim it from the Nexus office in SUB. Disclaimer: If you wish to withdraw a snap from the magazine before publication on Thursday, email us a detailed account of what the snap is and why it needs to be removed. 38

Blind Date — He aru makau

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Blind—

Brought to you by House on Hood Street. Each week Nexus attempts to make a love/sexual connection. If you're keen for a date on us, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz These two are real-life adults with legitimate full-time jobs. He loves Jameson, bonfires and gardening. He also wrote his write-up on note paper “in the back of a firetruck” and SCANNED it to us!?!? She’s definitely smarter than us, loves reading, can sink a crate of Speights (hella impressive) and rumour has it, was once on time for something. HE SAID: Well fuck. I haven’t written more than a sentence since high school when I’d write lines for detention which I suppose technically is only just a sentence, so oosh, this’ll be mean. Well anyway, I rocked up to the bar all nervous and shit. She was running a bit late so I tucked into the bar tab and had a yarn to the bartender Kaycee, who requested a shout out in my writeup. When she did show up she was taken upstairs to our table and I was still posted up at the bar with no idea. 30 minutes had gone by and I was sure I’d been stood up until one of the lovely waitresses figured out what had happened and took me upstairs to join my date. We had some drinks, had a feed, (the burger patty felt like a pre-cooked, frozen deal which was a bit of a disappointment, but all good) and spun some great yarns, she was definitely clued on and great company. Overall, it was a really good night. Chur! SHE SAID: At 6:45pm, I looked up from cooking a friedchicken flat dinner and realised I hadn’t washed my hair all week, had raw chicken on my hands, was wearing my track-pants, and was due to be at House for a hot date in 15 minutes. So unsurprisingly, I was late (but worth it, to wash the chicken juice off my hands).

When I arrived at House, I walked in and scoped out any all the guys drinking alone. There was one hot tattooed guy at the bar nursing a Corona who I wouldn’t have minded some time with, so I was a little disappointed when the waitress told me that my blind date wasn’t here yet, and took me upstairs. 15 minutes went by, and I was waiting on my Speights, when a waitress brought in my date. Not only was it the handsome stranger I’d eyed up at the bar earlier, but he opened his mouth and spoke with a Canadian twang - all my dreams were coming true. Considering how much time we had already wasted, we jumped right into the bar tab with an order of tequila shots and some Speights to chase them down. He told me he “wasn’t much of a talker”, but I proved that wrong as we drank the night away - only leaving House when the wait staff were stacking chairs around us. By that stage, we’d covered all important topics of conversation, including early human migration patterns, Auckland traffic, social inequality in North America, and the best view in Hamilton when smoking a joint. As the night drew to a close, we put on our coats, settled the bill, he pulled an old school Nokia phone from his pocket, and like a true gentleman… called his younger sister to come and pick us up.

Date.

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Puzzles — Panga

Horoscopes

Wordfind

ARIES: MARCH 21 — APRIL 19 If you graduated last week, congratulations! If you didn’t, well the stars suggest you actually start doing some work, so you don’t get held back to repeat MSYS yet again.

TAURUS: APRIL 20 — MAY 20 Mercury is in your zone, which brings exciting new challenges. Just make sure that there isn’t actually any mercury near you, because that’s a deadly poison.

GEMINI: MAY 21 — JUNE 20 Your lucky colour is green, so if you want to pass your test this week wear green underwear and salute anyone else you see wearing green. Or just do some study - your choice. CANCER: JUNE 21 — JULY 22 Opening weekend has come and gone. If you’re into duck shooting then you will have been out in force. If you’re not into duck shooting, then disregard this horoscope. LEO: JULY 21 — AUGUST 22 Saturn has aligned with Earth this week, which will bring calm to your life. Unless your name starts with A, in which case you’re about to find out that your partner has been cheating. VIRGO: AUGUST 23 — SEPTEMBER 22 Your sign is usually organized, however Mars will be throwing some chaos in this month. Take the chance to live a little - did you really need to be on time for that lecture anyway? LIBRA: SEPTEMBER 23 — OCTOBER 22 There’s been a cute boy checking you out at the gym lately - take the plunge and ask him out, men with big traps respect a girl with big balls. SCORPIO: OCTOBER 23 — NOVEMBER 21 The stars recommend that you start looking to the future and plan some overseas travel. Not only will it give you something to look forward to, but you’ll have great chat at parties. SAGITTARIUS: NOVEMBER 22 — DECEMBER 21 However, the stars recommend that you set your sights closer to home, become a hermit and make a tinfoil hat. You won’t need chat for parties, because you won’t go anywhere. CAPRICORN: DECEMBER 22 — JANUARY 19 Don’t Snapchat those nudes you were thinking about sending this week. Just don’t. This message doesn’t come from astrology, it’s just the advice you shouldn’t need to hear. AQUARIUS: JANUARY 20 — FEBRUARY 18 The dog-star, Sirius, will be in great view on Thursday. While dogs are great, this won’t have much impact on your life, after all you can’t pat a star. PISCES: FEBRUARY 19 — MARCH 20 Apparently the planets gave up on basic math this week, and have only provided our diviner with 11 horoscopes. Which basically means that the universe forgot about you. 41

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THEME: Yeah nah you know that bloke Murray who works at RD1 as Chief Stock Manager? The one who wears sunglasses on top of his bald scalp and can spin a 40 minute yarn about Straya vs Blackcaps with the staff at Caltex? Here’s some stuff you’ll find in his SUV. FILTERS

SUBWAY NAPKIN

STANLEY KNIFE

MCCAFE CARD

DUST CLOTH

CARPENTER PENCIL

WEDDING RING

HIGH VIS

TARPAULIN

SCRATCHIES

GUM

RAINCOAT

SPARE COINS

RECEIPTS

BK COUPON

PACK OF SNAKES AC/DC CD

CAMPING CHAIR

DIRTY DOGS

DIVORCE PAPER

BUNGY CORD

Simple Puzzles 4 Simple People

CLOUD TH

RUE

Puzzles — Panga

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Sudoku 5 9

9 6

8 7

6 4

8 5

7 9

2 1

4 5

MEDIUM*

9 3

Crossword

3 3

9 8

3 6

EASY*

9 2

7 DIFFICULT*

I Never Asked For This

5. 6.

8. 9.

10.

11.

12.

13. 14. 15.

16.

17.

18.

19. 20.

ACROSS 1. Without scar or blemish (8)

16. A square with personality (4)

4. Netflix Original ‘GirlBoss’ is based on this

7. The upcoming NZ General Election is in which

17. A feeling of utter weariness and discontent

NastyGal.com founder (6, 7)

month (9)

resulting from satiety or lack of interest (6)

5. The oldest pub in the world, opened in 900AD,

8. Weekly women’s magazine that originated in

19. This woman of Disney princess fame was

can be found in this country (7)

Italy (6)

originally Egyptian and wore fur slippers (10)

6. The shortest war on record was fought between

9. Team sport in which two teams of seven

20. Going from one relationship to the next right

England and this African nation in 1896 (8)

players each pass a ball using their hands (8)

away (7)

10. A cocktail made of OJ and vodka (11)

12. Rihanna has collaborated with this

11. Some Victorian teacups were equipped with

sportswears brand multiple times (4)

DOWN

special feature to protect this from tea (9)

13. Term for an intolerance of those with

1. Pizza staple in the PM’s household (9)

15. Soften words or finely cut meat (5)

different opinions (7)

2. Currency of the Kingdom of Lesotho (4)

18. A section cut or torn from the surface of

14. Dried fruit of Kahurangi scone fame (4)

3. Host of CBS’ The Late Show (7, 7,)

grassland, containing the matted roots of grass (3)

*POTENTIALLY UNSOLVEABLE, APOLOGIES FOR LAST WEEK