Nexus 2023 Issue 10

IT’S

It’s a new day, a deep breath, a sweaty face, a bootcamp, a catch-up, a challenge, a realisation, a conversation, a push and a pull, a moment of peace, a struggle and a win, a feeling, a superpower, a soundtrack and a stage, a weight plate, a new limit, a grind, a flex, a heavy set, a commitment, a culture, a community, a way of life, a second home, a place to discover your playground.

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We know - there's plenty of things you'd rather be doing than sleeping. But if it’s stress and anxiety keeping you up at night, we've got you.

Free online therapy courses for everyone in Aotearoa - practical, accessible, and proven.

Editor-in-Chief

Jak Rāta editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Lead Creative Stien Huizenga design@nexusmag.co.nz

Deputy Editors

Tehana De Klerk tehana@nexusmag.co.nz

Seamus Lohrey seamus@nexusmag.co.nz

Te Koretake Etita Kae’sharn Hose maori@nexusmag.co.nz

Media Desginer Jordan Fritz jordan@nexusmag.co.nz

Staff Writers

Joel Collins

Leilani Summer

Yashanshi Kala

Front Cover @Jak the Editor

C enterfold

Oliver Wilters

C ontributors

Kat Jones

Kaihautu Rāta Reed from Undercover

The Royal Family

Nexus Interns

Aria Matthews

Filly Arias

Jasmine Gorman

Social Links

Disclaimers Nexus is a magazine made by students, for students. As such it’s sometimes controversial views don’t actually represent those of the Nexus Editor, the writers, or the sponsors.

Location

The Nexus office is located down the hall at the WSU, usually with Alexa playing terribly dated music.

Printing

The Forest Stewardship Council® (FSC®) is an independent, not for profit, nongovernment organization established to support environmentally appropriate, socially beneficial, and economically viable management of the world’s forests. FSC® vision is where the world’s forests meet the social, ecological, and economic rights and needs of the present generation without compromising those of future generations.

Jak Rāta

This week we wanted to take a look at how disproportionately HCC is spending their budget on ‘Green-washing’ and supporting EV infrastructure when a large part of their population and economy feels they’re not being advocated for.

It’s no secret that electric vehicles are the way of the future, and Kiwi’s have been able to adopt that change fairly quickly. The Clean Car Discount has bumped new electric sales from 8% to 20% from 2021 to 2022, with expansions happening every day. ChargeNet boasts a near-300 charge point fleet. We’re looking at a major network of EV points, supporting the sudden boom of vehicle purchase. Is that something that works for the average student though?

A recent study looked at the EV infrastructure of major cities around the world by using publicly available data from OpenStreetMap or Google Maps API to define the locations and calculate the length of available roads in each city. It then sourced EV charging station data from plugshare.com, ensuring that all locations were within area boundaries.

Hamilton is the leading city for chargers relative to road length with 22.2 chargers per 1000km, based on a recent survey conducted. There’s massive contributing factors that come into play here but we’re winning at something. Wellington followed with 20.6 chargers per 1000km, then Tauranga at 13.8, and then Auckland with 13.7. All four rate higher than the best Australian city, that being Newcastle with 9.1 chargers per 1000km.

With the sudden push towards EV’s, and the constant rise of fuel prices and general living costs, what do all these figures mean for you?

The average student in Kirikiriroa earns $801 per month of the Student Allowance with no 3rd party support. With a disproportionate rental cost of $803 per month. The Government increased the student allowance and student living costs by $25 in April but is that enough to support the rising costs of living and subsequent purchase of an EV?

Looking at the average cost of an EV, it ranges anywhere between $8k (secondhand Leaf) up to $154,900 (Tesla Model S). The costs, while staggering, aren’t aimed at the student market. However, with the support and infrastructure aimed at making Hamilton a green city, we’d like to know how that supports students in the trajectory of Hamitlon’s growth.

I decided that speaking to students seemed the best option, getting an insight into whether the HCC is appropriately marketing towards

the right demographic or if they’re forgotten about a major part of the city's growth–asking the question of its relevance.

“I’ve seen how they mine Lithium–there’s a few issues I have with the process” said ag student Laurence when prompted about the significance of the big switch. “I would change if they were a little cheaper”

One of the main issues students have with electric vehicles is the cost, looking at the lack of cheaper options when faced with a choice. There’s also a level of familiarity that’s important in the process, student Blake says, “I know petrol and it’s easier to fill up”

There’s the problem there, isn’t it. There’s a lack of information surrounding the alleged charge points littered throughout our city. Not that giving them a map is the best bet, way to make the kids feel more like kids, but there’s so many disparities between what’s important (going eco) and what’s realistic (give us more money to go eco)

Here’s the biggest kicker of all, a shared frustration from most students, Kirikiriroa isn’t even a walkable city. So it’s easy to understand that we’re trying to limit the amount of cars on the road–apparently building a 10 foot wide glorified walking bridge wasn’t enough. But when asked, students are more likely to opt into public transport or catching a Lime scooter when getting from a to b.

“Pour some of that wasted money into fixing the buses–we would rather have efficient timetables than a 50k shit car” says frequent bus-catcher Lauren. Noting the inaccuracies of our Bee Bus system, the timetable rarely meets the expectation of the general public.

What’s the intended outcome for students as Hamilton reaches into its Kete one again, forking out millions into a new bridge (see Peacocke bridge) no one’s going to use? Sweet fuck all. The intent is to promote the purchase of an EV, saying goodbye to a cheap alternative in the hopes of a half-baked product at premium prices. This isn’t a local issue but has close-by repercussions.

At the time of printing, HCC has yet to respond to our emails re their annual plan. We also reached out to Meridan on futureproofing with no response

‘Hamilton’s Crown Solicitor under investigation over workplace allegations’

Yashanshi kala

The Crown Solicitor for Hamilton, Jacinda Hamilton is currently under investigation over unhealthy workplace allegations. The lawyer’s office is currently being investigated by New Zealand’s top legal advisor, the Solicitor General, after several complaints were filed by staff members.

A Crown Solicitor is a lawyer who is appointed by the GovernorGeneral to be responsible for prosecution of serious criminal cases in a particular region of the country. New Zealand has sixteen Crown Solicitors, all holding a Crown Warrant. These lawyers have authority over how serious criminal cases are prosecuted. From working with police officers, trying to build cases to their ability to add, modify and withdraw charges, they have significant responsibilities. So such allegations against Jacinda are notorious in the legal system.

Crown Solicitor Jacinda, who holds the Crown Warrant, has recently attracted negative attention and is under scrutiny because she was the leader of the office and had a major role in setting workplace culture. Approximately ten individual staff members have reportedly left the office over the last two years due to the work environment. These allegations have raised concerns for the mental health of the current employees working.

Hamilton responded “thanks for reaching out” when questioned about the investigation, adding, “I’m sorry, I can’t comment.”

There are further proclamations that Crown prosecutions have not been handled properly, with concerns about attitude towards the defence and the judiciary. According to various new articles regarding the matter, it is stated that the Law Society’s National Friends Panel was approached by staff members of ‘Hamilton Legal.’ The staff members were assisted by Rachael Reed, a lawyer, to draft a letter to Crown Law. This is the letter that escalated and brought attention to the matter by reaching the Solicitor General.

News outlets have received confirmation that the investigation will be led by Maria Dew KC. This investigation will include interviews with senior members of the police, defence bar and judiciary, to see whether the allegations have any weight.

Although Jacinda is still prosecuting trials as Crown Solicitor, she has stepped back from her staff management role as the investigation has begun. Michael Heron KC, a former Solicitor General has been called to act as a sounding board on the case. This is followed by the Crown Law requesting that all inquiries regarding the investigation go through them.

New development was confirmed by Solicitor-General Una Jagose KC, confirming that this investigation was initiated in response to an anonymous complaint received. Jagose affirmed that the allegations are in relation to workplace conduct and did not concern with the performance of the Crown Solicitor, as a senior prosecutor to the Crown.

As the investigation moves forward, Crown Law has requested the media and the public to respect the fair and impartial process underway and to not publish the name of the person complained about. In the history of Aotearoa, no Crown Solicitor has ever been removed from office. If there is strong evidence, Hamilton may make history.

Maintaining a healthy workplace culture and treating all staff members with respect and dignity is of utmost importance. The legal system is the pillar of society to access justice for everyone, and it is essential for those involved in this field, specifically the administration team, to uphold the highest standards of professionalism and integrity.

This case will be closely watched by many, awaiting for the outcome as it will set a precedent for future similar cases in the legal system for many lawyers, current and future law students to interpret and learn from.

‘Hillcrest Bakery’s regular customer killed in a car park crash’

Yashanshi kala

‘Hillcrest Bakery’s regular customer killed in a car park crash’

Last Monday at 12:50 pm, a fatal crash killed a regular customer of Hillcrest local bakery by the Warehouse.

A witness, Reuben (who did not wish to disclose his surname) provided details on the crash. Reuben was on his way to a birthday lunch when he saw the tragedy. He recounted to the police, “I was going to the bakery to get a feed, and then I just saw this old lady go to her car and then when I hit here [the corner] she was in her car and accelerated forward, hit the barrier, then just f...ing she was in shock or something then just launched at him.”

The victim was around 38 years old, his name unknown for privacy reasons, and was described as a “well known [customer] at the York St Shops” according to Chhay Lim the co-owner of the Sai bakery and café. He was a regular customer who would spend six to seven hours watching the world go by, seven days a week. Lim described him as a “such a lovely guy” and how he would never beg for money but enjoyed being in the bakery. It had become his routine to go there.

Lim, the owner of the bakery and café added that the victim’s carer had once informed them upon a visit about his [the victim’s] disability. He has truly loved the place he was supposed to lose his life at.

Unfortunate or destined, the victim had not sat on his usual seat on the left-hand side of the bakery. On Monday, Lim and his wife noticed this and stated to the police, “Normally he sits on the left,” Lim said, “but for the last few months he had sat on the other side [of the shop], I’m not sure why?”

April had been a month of breaking into stores, physically hurting retail employees and occasionally hearing Judges schooling adults on their “ungrateful behaviour” but the first day of May

was no worse, a death. The tragic death has left the community in shock, specifically the Hillcrest citizens who would remember this event when visiting the Warehouse in the future.

Though the event is no less painful for the close ones of the victim and Lim and his wife who had become fond of the man, Lim expressed his feelings. He had added to the police, “He was just such a nice guy, I want people to know that. It’s just shocking really. It happens to good people like that.”

The car park was closed by the police but later reopened as the police continued to investigate the accident. As I write this, there is no further information on the case nor on the unnamed elderly lady who caused the death of such a lovely man. I will continue to monitor this case closely and provide update on any further developments on this case.

This incident serves as a reminder of how important it is to be vigilant while driving, especially in crowded areas. It is fortunate that it was not 3:00 pm when this heartbreaking incident took place, otherwise small children would have been exposed to such a horrifying scene.

This crash would be remembered for a while when it’s still fresh, but the employees and owners of the bakery will always feel the absence of the victim from his usual seat, undoubtedly remembering him as the kind man he was.

McDonald’s reveals Ice Spice will be replacing Ronald Mcdonald in 2023.

They also announced she would be releasing a happy meal called ‘The Munch’.

New Zealand is named as the capital for ‘Short Kings.’

They are everywhere; there’s no denying it.

Tumblr is resurfacing, set to overtake Instagram and Facebook this year.

Everyone who was alive in 2014 is subsequently freaking out.

“What do you mean you’ve never seen a Kiwi? Aren’t they everywhere?”

Nope, just on our coins, bud.

Johnny Sins is set to play pilot in Air New Zealand’s next safety video

He was voted New Zealand’s favourite pilot and offered the honour of residency, which he took, stating, ‘I can be anyone you want me to be.’

Entertainment

Crush of the Week

— Halle Bailey

If you’re not paying attention, The Little Mermaid had its premiere and Halle was banging. She’s receiving praise from every direction for her role in the film, and we’re living for the uprising.

I been on that Halle buzz, and this week is no exception. Go do your thing miss thing and continue looking stunning in every photo I see of you babes.

Their words [Just things I found]

“Before you cross me make sure u certain.”

— SZA proving she’s that bitch.

“pound town”

— Take me there please Post Malone

“ain’t no sunshine when im gone bitch”

— FloMilli really came then left

— Same Lil Nas x.

This week in Tech

The Little Mermaid

“all bisexual ppl do is work at starbucks, dress like stuart little, and lie”

my beyblade was still in the courtroom, right? They were showing it as evidence in my stepdad’s murder case. He didn’t kill anyone, that probation officer tripped and fell onto that corkscrew. Then he got up and fell onto it six times in the abdomen and three times in the neck. It’s actually pretty impressive that he survived the first nine times, he was a resilient guy. VERY clumsy, though. The tournament was in two hours and I needed to get my beyblade from that dickballed crook lawyer (that was my stepdad’s special name for him). I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to get it without everyone seeing me, so I did the ole ‘Look Over There’ trick, except instead of saying ‘look over there’ and pointing away from me, I set off fireworks and that was it. Little life hack for you, every single situation, no exceptions, can be resolved by lighting fireworks indoors. As I was leaving, I locked eyes with my stepdad, and I’d like to think that the emotion on his face was pride, actually.

For those of you lucky enough to live through the late 90’s, you may be familiar with the groundbreaking series, Horrible Histories. For those of you who’re either too young, common L, or too old, uncommon L, let us spend a second to enlighten you.

Basically it was a series of books, and a subsequent TV show, that retold stories from varying years in the past. With the recent coronation causing a major commotion, I decided to delve into my past and dust off my copy of Terrible Tudors to show wee Seamus an insight into life prior to 2004. Or ‘03; I’m old and

can’t remember how young the kid is. But it got us thinking: while the books cover a fair amount of ground, what are they missing?

Well, as it turns out, the royal lineage is built less like a tree and more like burning shrubbery. Follow our accounts of what we found to be interesting and what was just cooked. It’s a good time, plus we thought it more interesting than just some piss poor account of a 29 year old Charles marrying his 16 year old cousin. Or probably a cousin. You never know hey.

Auckland brothers, I actually stumbled on NO COMPLY on accident as I was trolling the internet in search of something new to listen to. Behold the rap/alt/hip-hop vibe of a couple brothers from the mighty Tāmaki Makaurau. Understand that my expectations were non-existent going into my initial listen as I had no frame of reference for what to expect. But what I got was a vocal heavy, rap album with some audial cues that were unexpected and some collaborations that were well-received.

ALL MY FRIENDS is a current stand out. There’s honestly not a lot you can say about the general production of the album, it’s their clean approach with a focus heavy on the vocals and flow through the track. One thing I find as a common thread through their tracks is a similar pacing. There’s a punchy undertone, and a hella groovy bassline carrying it from start to finish. It’s followed, pretty aptly, by I’LL BE FINE which takes that upbeat sort of party mix and amps it up.

The reason I think it works so well is simply that there’s a large population of DNB lovers. Now this isn’t DNB, not even slightly, but the high energy beat is a nice alternative for parties and kick-ons. There’s something intoxicating about the repetitive nature that resonates.

Jak Rāta

NO COMPLY have been hailed for their experimental NZ hip hop, pushing that boundary and figuring out how to seamlessly mix what’s current with what they stand for. However, there’s a few issues I have with the EP. It’s not long enough. Sure that’s selfish of me but I’m left wanting just something else. It’s not that any of it’s bad but rather it’s just missing a ground link at the end. WHAT WILL U BE? Was easily the best track to finish on, Chef Mob supporting the boys in the absolute best way but there’s a feeling of being edged and I’m not sure why.

The tone is vastly different to their 2021 EP, WELCOME TO BAD. There’s a heavier focus on a high energy experimental beat. It’s not as if they’ve gone for a rebrand but rather a change in pace. Let me tell you, I’m a fan. There’s something more playable about BKATIT. That’s not to say their previous EP is wack–this time around it just has more replayable tracks.

If you’re a fan of Hip Hop or ALT beats with some dope vocals, then this is the one for you. One thing I will note is this genre is becoming saturated, so it’s becoming increasingly harder to make tracks that are unique. These boys are doing it well, their difference is pacing. I’m going to be adding I’LL BE FINE to my daily rotation for sure.

8 Rules of Love

Hate to admit it, but my Mum got this one for me, clearly thinking I needed it. ‘8 Rules of Love’ by one of everyone over 40’s favourite Tiktoker, Jay Shetty (2023). Don’t worry, he was an author before he was every a Tiktoker. The title sums up the book pretty well, and before reading it, I assumed I knew everything there was to know about love. The book is in three parts, how to get it, how to keep it and how to let it go. I clearly needed the ‘how to keep it’ part.

I am pretty fussy when it comes to self-help books, especially those written by men, as I do not need to be mansplained love, in particular by another emotionally unavailable boy. However, Shetty is emotionally available and not a boy anymore, so this one proved passable. The book is also damn funny, and rather than proving why he knows everything about love, Shetty comedically reveals all the things he has done wrong and why he now has a pretty damn educated idea about what works and what doesn’t. Shetty initially drew me in when on the second page, he explains the far too elaborate proposal for his wife, which included diamonds and carriages with horses. It turned out that she was allergic to horses, so she ended up in the hospital, and she definitely would not have chosen a diamond. He uses examples like this to show

that most of our conventional ideas about what true love should look like are entirely faux and that we are far more wholesome than cheesy rom-coms and fairytales make us out to be.

This is the kind of book that, like my mother, I’ll force my kids into reading. Like with most books, the issue is that most people need to read it, the most would never even touch the thing. The only reason that this book gets an eight and not a ten is that in the two days since I finished reading it, I have yet to find love. If it gets to a week, I’ll be sure to ask for a refund!

Leilani Summer

The wise words of Robert Frost ring true. Well true enough for any of you cool kids that were engulfed in the wonderful world of Twilight. Bella said it best, allowing us all to feed into this notion that we’re completely in control of the inevitable. Unfortunately, life has a way of imitating art. It’s happening, the world is coming to an end slowly and we’re all becoming selfaware of our own demise.

Before you go reaching for the pitchforks or creating circles with candles and salt, I’m not telling you that we’re actually dying. Though that’s not untrue, I wanted to talk about this feeling that’s been weighing heavy on us all for the past 3 years. Or at least since the start of covid. This feeling that no matter how hard we all try, we’ll never be able to run away from. That feeling of IMPENDING DOOM

In many cases, a sense of IMPENDING DOOM comes before rather serious medical events, like a heart attack, blood clot, seizure, or poisoning. A feeling of impending doom can often be a sign of an imminent medical event or crisis. That’s why doctors take the symptoms seriously. If a patient reports a feeling that “something bad is about to happen”, it’s acted on and should be taken as seriously as any other ailment. But wait? What does any of this have to do with prepping for the end? It doesn’t, I just found that IMPENDING DOOM as a serious medical condition seems so extreme.

Instead I wanted to discuss the most interesting ways people believe the world is going to end, ranked from least to most likely in my mind to happen. It’s a scientific list that’s signed off by a profession. “He’s right you know” – Neil deGrasse-Tyson

AI is becoming way too real, and it’s not sitting right with me. While scientists/ experts say AI can help maximise productivity and the worries of full-scale robot replacement are unfounded, pervasive concern persists. Isaac Asimov called it the “Frankenstein Complex” — fear that intelligent machines will rise up and destroy their human overlords. This has been portrayed and seen throughout media for years, but is actualising in the form of AI generated images, music, and more?

I’m not saying it’s time to engage battle stations, but we’ve seen countless tales of AI going rogue–turning on the creator. Why aren’t we feeding our own warnings as the real becomes more real, looking at how AI is inevitably going to become so smart it takes control.

We love computer simulation theory.

While some scientists believe the expansion of the universe is accelerating, some theorise that distant celestial bodies only seem that way because we're looking back in time to see them (remember, it takes a while for their light to reach us). So, that means that they were moving faster in the past than they are in now... which means time is slowing down. But what happens when we reach the end of the stopwatch? Does it simply…stop?

Hon-Ming Chen established his "True Way" cult in Taiwan, blending beliefs from Buddhism and Taoism with UFO conspiracy theories. Chen believed that God would appear on American cable television on the morning of March 31, 1998. He relocated his cult to Garland, Texas — because the town's name sounded like "God Land" to them — to wait for the Rapture to happen.

He believed that they’d be raptured, or some shit like that. Obviously it didn’t pan out, but do me a favour and look it up. While it wasn’t true, it’s a cooked journey and I want you all to just experience what I had too when looking it up. What the fuck man.

Imagine a chunk of space that is totally empty, hence a vacuum. There’s nothing there. Like literally nothing. You might reasonably assume that it is therefore at what physicists call a "ground state" (because there is no energy to disturb it) and that this space is totally stable as a result. Apparently not. Assume we’re wrong and the whole thing is a ‘fake vacuum’ and isn’t ground state at all. It’s all a facade. So what happens if we shift into the true vacuum?

To put it another way, imagine you're living inside a massive, fuck-off bubble. It’s kind of stable – except the air pressure on the outside of the bubble (which you can't see) is actually much lower than the air pressure within. Then it popped. Like just collapsed and then imploded. Yeah that’s us. We’re the popped bubble.

I honestly feel bad for anyone who knows me, because I tend to go through phases of hyperfixation on different topics. And right now, that topic just so happens to be K-Pop. I don’t actually know too much about K-Pop and fandoms within this genre of music, so I’ll try my best to not only talk about the one group that kickstarted my appreciation for this music. As you probably know, like many other things, K-Pop has an enormous fan community which is split into different fandoms of each group. For example, BTS has Army, Blackpink has Blinks, and Stray Kids has Stays. While there are fandoms throughout different forms of entertainment, it seems as though K-Pop has become quite notorious for how… passionate some of the fans are. And when I say passionate, I don’t necessarily mean it in a positive way. Now, I don’t want to sit here and write about everything wrong with the cult-like side of this fandom community because, as I said earlier, I like this music. So instead, I’ll discuss both sides and leave the choice of whether or not people are downright crazy up to you.

There’s a lot of good things that K-Pop fandoms have going for them. Their love and support for idols can be quite beautiful to see. From fan projects and concerts, to spreading love across all platforms to counteract the hate idols receive from others, it’s safe to say that there are and will always be good

people around. What I love most about these types of fans (who I hope are the majority), is that they appreciate all members of a group. Of course not all K-Pop artists come in the form of a group, but many do, and in this case that is what I’ll be talking about. It’s typical for a fan to have a bias in a group, meaning that there is one member that that fan usually gravitates towards, whether it’s because of their personality and/or talent. These fans however, don’t only show their support for that single member; they see the group as a unit and love each idol even if they aren’t their bias. It’s these fans that should be more recognised when talking about K-Pop fandoms, however they are most likely overshadowed to people on the outside by the crazier type. Regardless, these fans are something special. From TikToks to Instagram comments, it’s easy to see the kinds of fans who spread love, as they should. It’s even better to know that these fans don’t spread hate to other groups/idols/fandoms (which is very common), and instead appreciate K-Pop as a whole.

Now that I’ve talked about how good some fans are, I’ve realised I have a lot to say about those that are… extreme. I’ve sorted these types of fans into three groups, although I’m sure I could do a lot more than that. First, we have those who are deemed “Koreaboos”. That basically refers to someone obsessed with South Korean culture in an alarming way. Now, if you like K-Pop and K-Dramas because you actually think they’re good, this isn’t against you. This is for the people who try to act South Korean when they clearly are not. If

you look on TikTok, #asianfishing has up to 415.9M views, and while it can be debated for some, it’s clear that there are people who take their “appreciation” for asian features and language to a disturbing level. Honestly, it’s giving Oli London.

Next on my list of weird fans, we have those who are just shitty people. Split into two sub-categories, we have the solo stans who only support one member of a group and disregard the rest, as well as those who hate on other groups for no reason other than claiming to defend their own group (or they’re just underage weirdos who need to get their phones taken away from them). Coming from both groups, I’ve seen one too many videos and comments spreading hate, to the point where it’s just cyberbullying to the max. Did these people not go to primary school and get that chat about treating people the way you want to be treated?

The next group of fans honestly scare the fuck out of me. I wouldn’t even call them fans because they’re fucking psychos. This is where the term “sasaeng” comes in. This shit is so disturbing. These are the people that are obsessive and stalk certain K-Pop groups and idols. Now I know we shouldn’t be using Wikipedia, sue me, but this is what the site says when describing the actions these “fans” take: they “commit what in some cases may amount to borderline criminal acts in order to gain attention from celebrities. Examples of such acts include seeking out celebrities at their dorms or homes, spreading rumours, stealing their personal belongings or information, harassing family members, and sending idols gifts such as lingerie”. What. The. Fucking. Fuck. These people have no regard for privacy and honestly, I think they should just get locked up because that’s some crazy shit. I can recall an incident of this that I’ve recently seen on TikTok which you could even say is a mild example of this behaviour. During Music Bank in Paris earlier this year, a girl who was so delusional in her head took a video of the leader Bang Chan while waiting outside the hotel Stray Kids were staying at (why was she there?), and really said

There are worse encounters that not only invade an idol’s privacy, but also put them in harm's way.

There’s a shit ton more I could say, but I’m trying to not make liking K-Pop sound like a bad thing, because it’s not. In every fandom of anything ever created, there are going to be people who are really fucking weird. But if you’re a normal person, you’ll be like the first fans I told you about. The nice ones. I can’t even wrap my head around being anything but that. Those who belong to the other categories, well, you’re just tragic. I don’t know how some of you are allowed to roam free. Anyways, that’s it from me. I hope you find my useless information enlightening.

Also, stan Stray Kids. Heh.

WE’VE GOT A WIDE RANGE OF ROLES TO SUIT ALL LIFESTYLES.

This argument is both the hardest and easiest thing I’ll be arguing this year. As someone who’s never actually been on a plane, it’s easy for me to sit here and argue the side of never leaving and building your life in our beautiful motu. Here’s the thing, we’ve been given so many freedoms that it’s hard to not just want to give up and move onto the unknown, but I want you to trust me for a second and follow as I pitch my argument.

You know when you’re online and those videos pop up of the overseas travellers coming to Aotearoa and just taking in the beauty? Well you’re already here mate. You’ve got free access to 90% of that thanks to those colonisers, so thrive in that environment. Understand I’m not discouraging travels to faraway lands, to those unknown destinations. But understand you have the privilege of living in the most beautiful country in the world. Which is obviously really biassed of me to sit here and say but it’s true isn’t it? You cannot deny that everywhere you go, there’s tiny pockets of greatness and hidden secrets. We’re a country built to be explored and protected.

A large part, for me, of why Aotearoa is so perfect for me is the fact I’m Tangata

Whenua–I’m from here. Even if you’re not Māori, you can’t deny the beauty and complexities of the culture. As part of the south pacific, it’s our natural beauty that adds those parameters of being an exotic destination. It’s just so fucking beautiful. Another large part of that tourism that’s so important, we’re literally middle earth. You know those hyper-successful novels and films? Yeah we’ll we’re now the official and forever backdrop of Lord of the Rings and NO ONE can ever take that from us can they.

My argument this week is rather tame and I know that I’m giving the best but it’s one of those situations that I don’t think I can possibly argue any further because it’s all anecdotal. I’ve seen the heights of beauty and the pits. Both of those things balance each other to create one of the most desirable places to live. There’s a lot of mahi to be done for co-governance and Māori representation but we’re moving towards that, and we’re looking at future-proofing. But why would you not

Sometimes you can love where you’re from

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Kiwis have a shitton of pride and love to boast that they would never live anywhere else. I used to think this and still recognise that this opinion is entirely valid. Aotearoa sports beautiful scenery, heaps of solid characters and a ton of good humour, but there are some significant flaws.

These flaws are excellent because you only realise they exist once you live elsewhere. I admit that this means they aren’t too significant, but Aotearoa is far too comfortable with some things they should not be. I spent the first twenty years of my life living in NZ, and I thought I’d never leave until a one-week trip to Australia turned into a few months, and well, I’m still here. The divide between Australia and New Zealand is also only a thing in NZ. Over here, they love Kiwis and everything we do! We are viewed more as a team against the rest of the world, and I think that’s far more beautiful than this one-sided rivalry and pettiness we’ve been displaying. That brings me to my first point. Tall Poppy Syndrome. It is a Kiwi thing. Overseas, people wear what they want, celebrate their achievements and sing without criticism. Friends support friends’ accomplishments, and fuck; it’s really messed up that we don’t showcase and celebrate our beautiful culture and achievements nearly as much as we should.

My second point is that people can afford to live here. In New Zealand, I had a degree and worked three jobs, all of which were obtained with my qualification, and I still could only go out one day a week! I’m a white woman from a middle-class family, so I can’t imagine how hard it is for people in less privileged circumstances. Everyone I know in NZ was addicted to after-pay- and rightly so! There’s no other way to do things. Over the ditch, people my age are buying houses without the help of Mum and Dad!

Last, but not least, it’s fucking freezing in NZ! This would be a minor point if it were cheaper to travel to our own country. If it was affordable to go away to the likes of Queenstown for a winter escape, it might be okay. But, for some reason, flights and travel within NZ are just crazy! Why is it half the price to fly from Sydney to Perth than it is to fly from Auckland to Wellington? It makes no sense. It’s no surprise that some of us never really leave our hometowns.

Look, I love Aotearoa and will always be proud to be a Kiwi, but we live in a flawed society. So sort your shit out, and I’ll be back!

Don’t be a bitch, move overseas

Recipe for Success

Joel Collins

My daily routine. If you follow this you will be 100 percent sure to succeed in whatever endeavours you endeavour upon

Step one: Wake up in the bush. No, you don’t know how you got there, silly! Wander around for a bit, and eventually end up in a small town.

Step two: Enter the local dairy and ask them what year it is. When they answer, yell ‘GREAT SCOTT’ and run out.

Step three: Hang out at the police station for a while, try and find some crime to stop. Or some crime in general, don’t be picky. If the well is dry, just be weird at a McDonald’s for a bit to kill some time.

Step four: At high noon, find a nice park and eat some grass. It’ll fill you up because your stomach can’t digest it properly. Neat!

Step five: Round up about 20 dogs. Walk around with them for a bit, it’ll build your rep. Cats would also work.

Step six: Play Animal Laser Tag. Basically, you bring your army into the local laser taggery, and Fuck Shit Up. The pups/kitties get to run around and play, and you get to shoot a laser gun, everyone wins! Except for the owners of the laser tag place and the employees and anyone attending it at the time.

Step seven: Exit the laser taggery and drop into the studio, chop up a couple beats, maybe throw down some bars.

Step eight: Hit the club and take people’s drinks when they aren’t looking. Tell yourself ‘I won’t get spiked this time!’ and be wrong every single time.

Step nine: Get into the woods at some point

Schemed

No one take the number plate SCHEME, I want that one

Joel Collins

Scheme number five

This is the one I like to call, ‘The Regrettable Actions of a Former Colleague’

STEP ONE:

Purchase as many dodgeballs as you can afford.

STEP TWO:

Scope out a good building. It should be short enough that you can get a good look at the people below you. Also make sure there’s only one access point to the roof

STEP THREE:

With your newly purchased balls, as well as a tent, food, water and blankets, get up on that roof and lock the door behind you.

STEP FOUR:

Set up. Maybe get to know your surroundings a little bit, check which side of the building has the most hustle and bustle. Take in a nice view of the horizon. This world won’t be the same after you’re done with it.

STEP FIVE:

Commence chuckage. Aim for anyone and everyone, at this point it’s important not to discriminate.

STEP SIX:

Once a crowd has formed, they will start to throw the balls back at you, and once they do that, the crowd will grow at an incredible rate. When police arrive, shift all of your throwing effort towards them. The crowd will get on board with that pretty much instantly, so that’ll keep them busy for a while.

STEP SEVEN:

See if you can drag it out until they either call a negotiator or a helicopter. Now step seven will split into two substeps exploring these two options.

Substep A: Manipulate the negotiator into thinking that you’re feeble and thinking about coming down. Stay on the fence for a while, and as soon as people start to lose interest and stop focusing, you shall strike.

Substep B: Throw ball at the helicopter. Obviously

STEP EIGHT:

You can keep it going, but you’ve done your damage at this point. The incident got national news coverage, and copycat crimes are being picked up throughout the country. You’ve started a Joker type thing, and you should be proud. Also, it isn’t technically a crime because it’s called dodgeball. The warning is in the name, it’s not your fault these people don’t understand basic language techniques.

We intended to do these in person but life is full of heartbreaks. So, tell me in the most comprehensive way, how are you guys doing?

Heartbroken indeed I am. Well, at this very moment my brain seems to be moving like molasses in the winter, but perhaps that's no accident. Perhaps the human brain and molasses share in common the fact that the cold tends to halt one's flow. But as Nina Simone sings as she transitions from haunting A-cappella to descending horns and dainty keys... I'm feeling good

I’m hoping that there’s some sort of Tomb Raider reference in the name but if there’s not, what's the meaning? Surely something deep and meaningful right?

As I was walking through the cruel barren desert where snakes die eating dirt and critters can make a living only after the sun sets, I became aware of a little black bug. Pushing around a ball of dung like the world's most grotesque mascot--as if there

could be a better metaphor--I figure maybe this little black creature would be the perfect namesake for the band. But unfortunately The Beatles were taken.

I never saw Tomb Raider

Now I’m not someone who’s well versed in conspiracy theories but is there any connection between your return and the final speech from Jacinda Ardern?

My return? I haven't stopped making music since I started so I'm not really sure about any kind of return. But I do know someone who rose again on the third day. You should interview him if he returns, he's got a hell of a story.

I want to know more about the vibe, so try and explain to me your sound using only 90’s rom coms and explain more.

Dracula. Us as Undercover Statues are his three wives.

Can we try and list everyone's current favourite snack or choose a vape flavour based on name alone?

Favourite vape flavour based on name alone? Marlboro Gold

Favourite snack? Marlboro red

What’s the future for you fullas, what should we be on the lookout for?

Just keep an eye out. We're always working on something but it's difficult to say what it is until it's in your hands, ya know? A phrase that comes to mind -- and I'm a little silver tongued with my metaphors so forgive me if you haven't heard this before -but we're not counting our chickens. But I can say this, the next time UCS puts out anything of substance it'll be Liam behind it.

When are we getting a collab between you and Satan? Because I want to know more.

It's just posturing. Satan is sexier than God. Anyway, the man in that photo is Griffin Taylor, he's actually not in the band so you'd have to hunt him down and ask him. On that topic, he and his girlfriend Annika have a fantastic techno duo called Marionette. You should get them in for a sit down.

I can’t not touch on something that I came across recently:

Finally, thanks for answering, but also what’s the ultimate goal for you as a band?

Not to fight too much. Liam and I tend to beat on Jonty pretty hard. But in an effort to say at least one thing on substance here, I'll say this. Music in it's simplest form is basically magic. It isn't tangible and means something completely different to everybody, so long term goals are basically useless. And besides, creating with any kind of future in mind is way too exhausting. We're going to keep on chasing the magic and see what happens.

Griffin Taylor from Marionette, as featured on instagram

ANSWER KEY FOR ISSUE 9

SUDOKU

SUDOKU

YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT THIS IS C*NT

LESS LONG?

I MISPLACED THE ANSWERS, BUT THE PUZZLE HASN'T CHANGED IN FOUR WEEKS. I'VE JUST BEEN FLIPPING THE MAZE... SOME PEOPLE JUST WANT TO SEE THE WORD BURN

<3

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

WORD WHEEL

FIGURE IT OUT...

LABYRINTH B H A I G U E R

WORD FIND

ARE THEY APPLES OR APPLE PRODUCTS? OR ARE THEY BOTH? WE DON'T KNOW BUT GOOD LUCK CUTIES XX

WORDS... OBVIOUSLY

CROSS THEM OUT AS YOU GO...

Tongs

Grater

Chefs Knife

Paring Knife

Bread Knife

Can opener

Rolling Pin

Sieve

Blender

Saucepan

Masher

Oven Gloves

Pizza Cutter

Bottle opener

Ladle

Mixing Bowl

Measuring spoons

Thermometer

Kitchen Scales

Pasta Fork

Tea Towel

Baking Paper

Apron

Cake Slicer

TRIVIA

ONLY COOL KIDS DO THIS PART NOW.

1. Who painted "The Scream"?

2. A.A. Milne is best-known for creating what children' book title character?

3. Who played Judge Dredd in the 1995 film by the same name?

4. What African region has been ravaged by militia called the Janjaweed?

ANSWERS FROM LAST WEEK: 1. NEUTRONS 2. TEN POUNDS 3. JOHN F. FITZGERALD 4. TEXAS