nexus issue 14

The Olympics Issue

Issue Fourteen July 27th, 2012

Section

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ondon 2012. This is no viral video campaign, it’s the Olympics!

And it’s almost here – as I write, Heathrow is already losing athletes gear and the London buses have gotten themselves lost with competitors onboard. Wonderful start for the poms.

New Zealand is sending 185 of our most physically unnatural individuals over to the UK to represent our fair isle as they attempt to win as many medals as is humanly possible. As a result, I fully expect the nation to experience a fierce burst of patriotism in the following weeks (depending on how much we win, really) - being a wee country of around 4 mil, we take what we can get, don’t we?

In light of this international spectacle, Nexus has dedicated an entire issue to pondering the phenom that is the Olympic games. Because it is a bit of a phenom; McDonalds would know, they invest quite heavily in it. What does it matter to us what people can do with their bodies?

Why does the nation, for a few short weeks, suddenly care about sporting endeavors other than Rugby? Is it all a marketing ploy or advertising vehicle? How do you feel about the Olympics?

On one hand, it’s all lovely and inspiring. These young people are good at something and by George, they are giving it their all - with their country’s rep on the line! But on the other hand there lurks a negative attitude directed at this international round of professional friendlies. Do these competitive and successful people flaunting their talent get you down? Got a bit of Tall Poppy? I reckon I am fairly average for all intents and purposes and yesterday I went for a quick run because it was a nice day and I wanted to avoid writing this. I was quietly proud of

Editorial

SO ABOUT THOSE OLYMPICS...

myself with my modest athletic achievement. But THEN I see all this Olympic games bullshit and I feel a bit shit. LOOK AT THEM. They’re all so fit and in shape. And damn it, they are so good at this one thing that they do, and from this one thing they’ll go and get endorsements and make lots of money telling kids fast food doesn’t necessarily make you fat and these shoes will make you better at making friends.

Now I know the Games are supposed to inspire us to get more active and be proud of our country and our athletes’ personal achievements etc, but you know what, for the sake of an argument, fuck that. What’s the point of it all? To get me down?! To make me feel worthless and chubby?

Actually, I kind of always feel better about myself when I watch the gymnastics…. I’m all like, ‘Cool that you can bend that way, but haha your thighs make you a huuuuge bitch’.

But really, I mean really, why do we even have the Olympics these days?! Well, funny you ask. I think we cover that in this issue. Read ahead.

Sean and Alix.

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Editors Alix Higby and Sean Goulding Managing Editor James Raffan (james@nexusmag.co.nz) Design Katrina McIntosh (design@nexusmag.co.nz) Advertising Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) Cover Art and 8 Ball Illustration Hoss Aneece http://happiestpageever.tumblr.com/ Special thanks to www.waikatoindependent.co.nz Contributors President Sapphire Gillard, Amber the Advocate, Mr. Minty Fish, Hoory Yeldizian, Dr Richard Swainson, Kevin Pryor, Gill from CAB, HP, Craig Barrett, Julia Gabel, Alice and Anne, Nick Marryatt, C-Ball, Something Hip, Mel Matthews, Priscilla Ngatai, Daniel Farrell, Skippy, Pseudonym, Courtney Q, and the glorious indestructable 8 ball.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS MAGAZINE, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, OR ANYONE ELSE IN PARTICULAR.

Nexus Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton.

Phone: 07 856 9139 Email: editor@nexusmag.co.nz Website: www.nexusmag.co.nz

What’s Inside?

Features 16 18

Olympics. Yay...

The Olympic Games are here, but DO WE CARE?

3 5 6 8 9 10 11 12 15 20 21 22 23 25 26 27 28 29 30 36 37 38 39

Editorial How Saph Sees It The Nexus News Desk Uni News News Rant Sports Thoughts Left Vs. Right Lettuce Diary of a Hipster Puzzles 8 Ball, Horrorscopes Mr. Minty Fish Auteur House Cereal, Verbiage The Secret Lives of First Years Off the Rack Half Baked with Mel Lick That Spoon Reviews Advocacy, CAB WSU Election Information Top Ten REOWEEK in Pics

Opinion

“If fidelity to freedom of democracy is the code of our civic religion then surely the code of our humanity is faithful service to that unwritten commandment that says we shall give our children better than we ourselves received.”

The quote above sums up my reason for running for Waikato Students’ Union President last year. As President my goal was to leave the organisation in a better position than it was when I was elected so that the next group of students had more opportunities and a better student experience than I did. It’s hardly a new concept.

I think history shows us that any elected student leader wants to create an environment that is positive and an organisation that we can be proud of. So half way through my term I thought I would give you a quick update on some of our accomplishments.

Student Centre Rooms: A project that started several years ago was the development of the new Student Centre to replace the old library. The WSU has two rooms. The ground floor is a student hang out space. Some of you might be sitting there reading this article now. For those of you that haven’t been there I encourage you to do so.

We have arcade games and music and shortly we will have a couple of screens and a few staff members spending time up there. The second space just across from Bennetts is

another space that you or your clubs can book for debates and galleries, LAN parties or casual meetings. It also features some amazing artwork.

Virtual Noticeboards: Some of you will have seen the 55 inch TV’s placed all around campus for the featuring WSU and University messages about upcoming events and activities. We have a dedicated team making sure that we are communicating better with you.

Online Nexus: Over 100,000 views of Nexus magazine online this year. But if you are still a fan of having something to read in lectures then you should know we have produced over 35,000 magazines this year alone.

Sustainable practice and Fair trade: The WSU reconfirmed its commitment to sustainable practice and fair trade and continues to be a leading voice for both on campus. As we move into the next chapter of our year I would like to remind everyone that the elections are fast approaching. Even with all the challenges I have loved my time as your WSU President and would encourage anyone who wants to take a role in making students experiences on campus better to sign up and campaign. I hope your week is going well and that you have deleted any photos of me in a onesie from Re-O.

Sife Success Leads to International Opportunities Waikato takes NZ, next the world SIFE Waikato has come from the SIFE Nationals successful, having been judged the most successful chapter of the organisation over the past year. Students In Free Enterprise is an international group of organisations which, according to SIFE Waikato VIce President, Greg Johnston, tries to “identify needs in the community and then utilise the knowledge and skills [SIFE Waikato’s members] have to form projects around that target need.” President of SIFE Waikato, Clare Easton said that this led to a bit of a double-edged sword, where you are benefiting others in the community while, at the same time, benefiting yourself from the skills you gain. The idea of the projects, she said, is to “utilise the skills [SIFE Waikato’s members] they’re learning at university and applying those to the project, so they’re getting a real life application.” SIFE Waikato has a Business Advisory Board to assist them, which includes David Bennett, MP for Hamilton East and Steve Tritt from New Zealand Trade and Enterprise.

SIFE Waikato competed against AUT and Massey Palmerston North in SIFE’s national event, held in Auckland. Because they won the event, Waikato’s

presenting team will be going to the three day SIFE World Cup in Washington DC. This was the second year in a row that SIFE Waikato has won the national event. At the World Cup, they will be presenting the projects that they have completed over the past year, giving it a New Zealand context.Waikato’s successful team was made up of Jeeya Parmar, Kate Maher, Raj Naickar, Trent Webby, Wei Cheng Phee, Gina Milicich, Emma-Jane McIntosh and Ariel NiWei Huang. The team was made up of four 1st year, three 3rd year and one 5th year students.

Mr Johnston said that the presenting team is made up of mostly the newer members to SIFE as this helps them get the experience in the National and World competition, which will help SIFE Waikato in the future.

The SIFE World Cup is being held in Washington DC from 30 September to 2 October, and will be the third time that SIFE Waikato has attended the event. Previously, Waikato’s team has reached the final four of the competition in 2003, the highest a New Zealand team has ever achieved.

By Daniel Farrell

David Bennett MP FO R HAM I L T O N EAS T E L E C TO R AT E OFFI C E

510 Grey Street, Hamilton | Phone 07 834 3407 o.nz Email davidbennettmp@parliament.govt.nz | www.davidbennett.co.nz

www.national.org.nz

More Student Protests at the University of Auckland University of Auckland Students have staged a demonstration outside Vice-Chancellor Stuart McCutcheon’s office earlier today for what they are calling a ‘dismissive and ignorant attitude’ towards students protesting against the National Government’s recent budget.

Two businessmen with clown faces chased 43 students around Princes Street, with the number representing the amount of arrests made on Symonds Street at a Blockade the Budget protest on June 1st. The students turned on the clowns and made them deliver a super-sized ‘Open Letter to the VC’ to McCutcheon’s door. The letter called for a response from the Vice-Chancellor regarding the arrests and what protesters say were ‘heavy-handed police tactics’ on campus six weeks ago.

Earlier in the week The University of Auckland student magazine, Craccum published a letter from McCutcheon, which the Blockade the Budget group says contains inaccurate information. The letter states “protestors engaged in dangerous behaviour including ‘attempting to set materials on fire, maliciously setting off fire alarms, and climbing on to the roof of Old Choral Hall”. None of which occurred on June 1st.

Post-graduate student Rosa Jennings was quoted as saying ‘We question the VC’s ability to manage our University when he is unable to get simple facts right about a widely publicized student-led protest’ Blockade the Budget supporter and Craccum writer Sean Phillips added ‘The head of our University likes to feign an interest in the welfare of students, but this just shows what little regard he has for us in reality. You would think that a university with a strategic plan focused on graduate students might be concerned about how those students can afford to live next year. Regardless of where you stand on the protests, any decent person in his position would want to make sure the young people involved were okay, but not McCutcheon’ The Blockade the Budget group will take to the streets again, 1pm this Saturday at Britomart for a rally called ‘Show & Tell’. The event will draw organisations and individuals together from across to education sector to protest against multiple issues including the budget cuts for tertiary education, school league tables, cuts to early childhood education and performance based pay for teachers.

Photographers shoot zoo wildlife

By Shannon Rolfe, Wintec Student Writing for www.waikatoindependent.co.nz Wildlife photographer Trevor Penfold aims to get the conversation on conservation started by shooting animals at Hamilton Zoo. Trevor offers workshops at the zoo, where he teaches photographers how to “shoot” wildlife.

“There is a need for more conservation, worldwide. If people come to the workshops and are more interested in wildlife, the more chance they might want to protect it.

People need to start talking about it.”

The self-taught photographer got interested in wildlife photography when he went on an African safari with wife Jenny, for their honeymoon. They moved to New Zealand seven years ago and he has specialised in wildlife photography since. His first book reached stores two years ago. Visions of Nature, NZ’s Wild in the West” is sold in 40 independent book stores across New Zealand and has just been picked up by Whitcoulls. “I spent a lot of time getting my first book together before teaching, so people could look at my style before coming along.” Through his book he has donated money to organizations such as Forest and Bird. “Locals didn’t realize all these species lived in their area. My book was an eye opener and made people start talking.”

Trevor says the ethics behind the Hamilton Zoo are very good as they help with conservation. “I like the feel of Hamilton Zoo. I organize it all, rent their education room, and then spend time going around the zoo for a practical workshop; it also helps bring money into the zoo.”

People can expect two workshops at the zoo, the first is a practical version of an introduction to photography, learning how to get better photos with equipment you already have. The second gives more guidelines on what and how to shoot. “When you are given a brief it’s much harder and makes people think about it more.”

He says he wants his students to be the best they can be.

“If we all took photos the way we were taught we would all be looking at the same photos.”

Trevor has just had five images shortlisted for the 2012 ANZANG Nature Photography competition.

“Thank god I’ve got a wife that’s behind me and supports me. She loves a lot of my work, not all of it, but I don’t expect her to.”

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U N I V E R S I T Y O F WA I K ATO N E WS , E V E N TS A N D N OT I C E S

Maori Language Week Te Wiki o Te Reo Maori 23-29 July/o Hongongoi

This week is Māori Language Week – Te Wiki o Te Reo Māori. Arohatia te Reo – Cherish the Language – is this year’s theme.

Follow the Uni on Facebook and Twitter for updates, tips, and competitions, visit korero.maori.nz/news/mlw to learn phrases and pronunciation, or attend a lecture about the revitalisation of te reo: Free public Lecture 1 – entirely in te reo Māori.

Dr Rangi Mātāmua, Pānia Papa & Koro Ngapo Date: Tuesday 24 July Time: 10am - 12pm Venue: Te Kohinga Mārama marae

Change of enrolment If you’ve changed your mind about a paper, you have until 5pm Friday 27 July 2012 to substitute or drop B Semester papers that you are enrolled in, and still be entitled to a refund of fees. You can also add additional papers up until this date if you need to.

To change your enrolment, log in to iWaikato and hover over the Common tasks tab, click on Re-enrol/Change of enrolment, then Change of enrolment. Call the Student Administration Team on 0800 WAIKATO if you need help.

If you’re having trouble at uni, Student Support Services provides a range of services that may be able to help, including medical services, counselling, career services, chaplaincy and disability support.

See www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/health for more information and contact details.

www.waikato.ac.nz

Know an adult learner who deserves some recognition? If you’ve got a friend or classmate whose efforts, achievements, contributions and attitude make them an exceptional adult learner, nominate them for the Vice Chancellor’s Adult Learners’ Awards, at www.waikato. ac.nz/pathways/adultlearnersweek.

Nominations close 5pm Monday 13 August.

Winter Lecture Series starts 1 august The Winter Lecture Series starts with An Evening with Dame Malvina, 6pm Wednesday 1 August at the Gallagher Academy of Performing Arts.

The series runs throughout August and features a wide range of discussions.

For more info see www.waikato.ac.nz/ events/lecture-series.

Free public Lecture 2 – in English.

Assoc Professor Winnie Crombie & Dr Richard Benton Date: Thursday 26 July Time: 6pm - 7pm Venue: Gallagher Academy of Performing Arts

Student Support Services there to help

Adult Learners’ Awards - nominations open

Attention: All PhD candidates The Th3sis in 3 competition is back this October for Postgraduate Month. This is an opportunity for you to compete for $8,000 in prizes, and help focus your research and develop your presentation skills.

Applications open 1 August. See www. waikato.ac.nz/sasd/postgraduate/th3sis for more information.

www.facebook.com/WaikatoUniversity

Review of Grade for 2012 A Semester papers All 2012 A Semester grades will be final on Monday 23 July 2012. Students wishing to apply for a Review of Grade for their 2012 A Semester papers may submit their applications from Monday 23 July to Monday 6 August 2012 to the Student Centre.

The fee is $50 per paper and will be refunded if there is a change of grade.

All original and marked assignments that have been returned to students must be submitted with the completed application form. Application forms are available from the Student Centre or from www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/ examinations/exams5.shtml

www.twitter.com/waikato

I Chose Not To Choose Life, but I will defend it A News Rant

What you’re about to read may seem at first like it’s an attack on Pro Life people. If you get past the first paragraph it’s actually a defense of their freedom to be pro life people and a call for civility even in the face of ideas and principles you find to be offensive.

I dislike pro life groups. I think the title alone is misleading. They aren’t pro life so much as anti choice. I guess that wouldn’t look as good on a bumper sticker. I dislike the ignorant ones who are doing so because their parents believe it. I dislike the unshakeable ones like the ones in the US congress who refused aid to any foreign clinic practising abortion. I dislike the people who blatantly refuse exceptions to that belief, particularly in cases of rape or incest. The ones I really dislike though are the extremists.

The ones that blow up abortion clinics in the name of their beliefs, the ones that harass doctors or even kill them like one did in the George Tiller case. I really dislike them. Which means the next six or so paragraphs are going to be really hard to write because I feel compelled to defend them against censorship gone wild.

Late last week the Auckland Student Association voted 227 to 125 in favour of retaining the Prolife club after efforts were made to disaffiliate them. (Here is where it gets a little painful for me) The decision was the right one.

The move to disaffiliate them was based on the premise that the club were distributing false or harmful information. Outdated information is one thing but the move to strike the club is a bit rich given that some of their clubs believe a talking snake gave a woman a piece of fruit and that

expelled mankind from eternal paradise, not to mention stoning people and raining sulphur. I’m just saying if we are going to disaffiliate everyone for promoting values that are archaic and dangerous pro life is at best sixth on the list..

Is the greater good being served by disaffiliation? Of course not. It creates martyrdom and makes people think that AUSA are bullies imposing their own morality on the students.

That is where the slippery slope begins.

Just because I don’t like what someone has to say doesn’t give me the right to stop them from saying it.

To take away their access to facilities and resources that they would otherwise have as a club isn’t the right move.

I don’t have all the facts but so far as I’m aware the club hasn’t been militant or troublesome or overstepped their boundaries they just believe something I don’t.

Just because I don’t like what someone has to say doesn’t give me the right to stop them from saying it or to impose my view on to everyone else.

And let me tell you if I were appointed the moral sensor of society there are a bunch of things I would remove from campus life.

The draconian philosophies of the right wing that have failed since the 1980s and Rogernomics are in my

opinion unhealthy and dangerous.

They would be gone. I never really liked Netball, gone! The debate team always seemed a little condescending, gone!

But allowing me or anyone else to make decisions on what is viewed or read or spoken about on campus would be wrong. In exactly the same way that it would be wrong for AUSA to have done it.

We like to think that university is about expanding our world view and it is, but the best way to do that is to expose ourselves to views that are contradictory to everything we have experienced and trust in our own critical reasoning to disseminate what is bullshit and what isn’t. But that isn’t where the story ends. We need to challenge what we don’t accept, we need to argue the point, write letters, post blogs start facebook group but do so with all the civility we can muster because to do any less is to give in to our own demons.

In the weirdest possible way I admire these particular Pro Life people for having the courage of their convictions. Sometimes University teaches us to fight for own beliefs and stay the course.

Besides there is still a silver lining for me. If history has taught me anything it is that the best way to expose ludicrous ideas is to let people express them to as large an audience as possible.

Opinion

Sports Thoughts ANCIENT GREECE > OLYMPIC GAMES

By C-Ball

M

The Olympics are coming. Shit, make sure you have your duvet at hand, extra pillows and preferably a place where you can pass out from boredom, because the Olympics are most likely going to be a snorefest.

I have to point out, I don’t really have a problem with the concept of the Olympics. Pitting each country against the others does indeed sound pretty badass, and gives us the chance to find out which nationality truly has the biggest jocks, except for the minor flaw in that some of the sports are balls deep in ‘who the fuck would bother’. Here’s looking at you - Badminton.

The first problem I have with Olympics, is they originated in such an awesome fashion, the only way they could’ve ever continued to be awesome would have been through Steven Segal taking part in the Judo competition. Every year, until the day he dies, so there comes a time where he is just this old, brittle sack of lost human dignity and failed acting getting dominated for all of us to enjoy. Since Segal is obviously too busy joining people for their walk ins on the UFC and busting nuts as a cop on some dumbass reality TV show, the Olympics was doomed to begin with. It’s because the whole competition has sold out. Originally, the Olympic Games were held among the city states of Ancient Greece, where all existing conflicts and petty hatreds were put aside so these cities could battle it out. Does that mean the United States of America is going to stop crushing Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Syria, Libya or some unknown new but surely extremely terrible and massive threat while the Olympics are on. No. There is even the rumour that Zeus himself created the Olympic Games. Now I’m sure a

shit tonne of you will discount this immediately, but fuck, if I’m meant to believe that there is a God and he does make shit happen regularly - I’m going with the lightning bolt throwing badass who in his off season courts babing women disguised as a bull. I digress though, because the Olympic Games were, obviously, a tribute to the 12 Gods who were said to live atop

Mount Olympus. Back then, sportsmen didn’t get paid jack shit, they didn’t pick and choose between sports codes and the most definitely didn’t win the Heavyweight Boxing belt in Greece without crushing the skulls of a few serious contenders.

The athletes of Ancient Greece ran their asses off, and rode chariots in a number of races, all in the attempt to impress the mythical deities of their culture. Things seemed to have changed a little bit since those days.

Would an Ancient Greek have been caught dead playing Golf for his lord and saviour the almighty Zeus? I don’t think so, and they’d have died before they let anyone say Table Tennis should be incorporated.

In our present day, the Olympic Games has become a status symbol for hosting cities more than anything, that fancy excuse to push through all those planned stadiums councillors want built, which will then sit around

lifelessly and empty once the Games rolls on to the next host. Beijing hosted in 2008, and opened with some beautiful little girl singing in the ceremony, only for it to be revealed the real singer was actually a slightly larger girl, who was thus hidden behind a curtain. Most countries shovel shit down their own throats just to host the goddamn thing, then sit around in the mess that is left afterwards, with a brand new sum of debt that doesn’t actually look so bad when you make sure you stand next to America in the line for the checkout at your local grocery store. Mass Media has also ruined the Games, much like they have everything else we once knew and loved. Now you can watch as many replays as you want of that Pole Vaulter giving himself a vasectomy, all the while watching athletes who are no longer just that, but are now endorsements. They are now marketing tools, promoters of brands and ideals that big companies pay big money just to have on their side.

Shit, if you don’t think the Olympic Games are obnoxious enough, just look at how their ‘sustainability partner’ is British Petroleum.

Because it makes perfect sense to pick as your ‘sustainable partner’, a company that is busy committing genocide on all marine wildlife, all the while pulling oil from a land that will never replenish that oil ever again. Sustainable as, you fucking dumbasses. The shit eating grins those at BP must be wearing after being given such a pretentious and downright embarrassingly contradiction in the form of being the Olympic Games ‘sustainable partner’.

That’s okay, most of you probably didn’t even know or notice that.

March on, future leaders of the human race.

Opinion

LEFT vs RIGHT

W

ho owns the fresh water of New Zealand? At the moment nobody does, So maybe the real question is who should own the water of New Zealand?

This issue has been slowly building for the past few years after the government proposed tradeable water resource rights. People got a bit concerned that the government and businesses were intending to make money from selling something they didn’t own. Previously our government had managed our water in the interests of New Zealand but didn’t formally own the water, almost everybody was content with this arrangement which meant that people who needed water got it, whether they could afford it or not.

But since the government started talking about selling rights to the water the issue of ownership has become very important. The various Iwi are the leading claimants to the water. It has been customary in New Zealand that where there is no formal ownership of a resource then whoever uses the resource owns it. Te Tiriti guarantees that the government won’t take things from Iwi, if they were using the water back in 1840 then they owned it then and still own it now. That is a very simple explanation of how I think property rights work on this issue, Although considering the law school has a few papers on this topic it probably isn’t the sort of thing that can be explained well in a hundred words.

This has come to a head recently when the government began the process to sell shares in our power companies.

This includes a lot of hydro dams which run on water which the government may not own. The Mãori Council took a claim to the Waitangi Tribunal to get this issue resolved. They might win at the tribunal but the government has said that they are quite willing to ignore the tribunal on this issue.

So who should own the water? My ideal would be comanagement between Iwi and the government without ownership. But if somebody has to own the water, and increasingly that is where we are going, then Iwi have the most legitimate claim to ownership.

This week we talk water ownership. Let us know who you think won at lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz

I

must admit, I’m not looking forward to this one, simply because some people are passionate about being wrong on this particular topic. If you don’t see me around campus for a couple days, if you could call 111, I’d appreciate it. Hopefully they can resuscitate me.

So, who owns the water? At the time of writing, the Maori Council are taking a case to the Waitangi Tribunal regarding the ownership of the waterways that State Owned power companies use to generate electricity. The Maori Council are saying that iwi have the rightful claim to these waterways. The Waitangi Tribunal will, presumably, find that this is correct, not because there’s a legitimate reason, but because that’s what will get Maori free shares.

I have no respect for the Maori Council on this issue.

Firstly, they’re wrong. But regardless of that, they’re not doing it because they want to stop the partial sale of state owned power companies, but because they want to be offered shares in these power companies in return for the continued use of these waterways. The waterways should not be owned by anyone. Let’s look at this logically. If you own something, it is an asset for you. For something to be an asset, it must meet the following definition:- “a resource controlled by the entity as a result of past events or transactions and from which future economic benefits are expected to flow to the entity” Yes, that’s right CONTROLLED BY THE ENTITY. How can anyone have any real control over waterways?

And surely it’s racist to say that a certain group of people are allowed ownership over the waterways when no one else is? Now, let’s look at why Maori shouldn’t want to own the waterways. If the waterways are owned by iwi, I can surely sue them when their property (the water) damages my property in a flood or other natural event. Because if they own the water, they can control it, and therefore they should have stopped the flood or whatever from happening... Yeah, that makes no sense, like this entire situation. People get upset when National says they have mandate for the Mixed Ownership Model from the election, but let’s be honest, they do. They made it very clear that if you don’t want to partial sale of SOEs, you shouldn’t vote National. So let’s stop the silliness. If you don’t want the assets being owned by overseas interests, don’t sign a petition that won’t do anything, don’t run to the Waitangi Tribunal with your racist claim of ownership. Instead, get together $1000 (admittedly, I’m not stoked about that part) and buy the damned shares yourself.

11

We’re Sorry!

A letter was published in the “Lettuce” section of last weeks Nexus magazine (16th July 2012) relating to international students at the University of Waikato. Due to a publishing error the letter was unattributed. The letter contained content that people have found objectionable in that it glorifies sexual violence against women, and international women in particular. This letter falls short of the standard of student communication that we are trying to achieve. Nexus regrets any offence which has been caused by the letter and apologises unreservedly for publishing it.

Nexus has for many years published student views unedited in the “Lettuce” section, even if they are provocative or controversial. We have now re-thought our policy on letters to the Editor and reserve the right to edit, or refuse to publish, any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.

We believe this is the best line between freedom of speech and safeguarding students.

We have also deleted the letter from our online version of the magazine www.nexusmag.co.nz.

Nexus encourages debate and discussion on almost any topic and welcomes your letters. Relevant, intelligent and well-worded letters are preferable, and we also enjoy good humour. Right of reply will generally be accepted provided we have space.

Letters should be kept to a maximum of 250 words. You may hide behind a nom-de-plume but you must tell us your real name (which will not be published unless requested).

Letter of the week is picked on the basis of our feelings, not the persuasion of its content for which we don’t have opinions on.

Disclaimer: letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency.

Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.

NEXUS The NEXUS printed a letter in last weeks LETTUCE that describes sexual violence upon International woman students at Waikato University. It describes the writers dream to have sexual acts with a German woman whom the writer apparently fantasises about. There was (of course) no author and the content was derogatory and as perverted as one could write.

What gives the NEXUS the right to publish such derogatory terms about a harmless group of women?

Nothing, but your unchecked male egos. I quote my favorite theorist in that “experience shows us that every man invested with power is apt to abuse it, ...and to carry his authority as far as it will go “. Montesquieu. Which is clearly the case here. I’m guessing the editors were either drunk on Karicare or trying to figure out how to ‘suck cock through a straw”? As that ‘FUNNY’ letter suggested?

The NEXUS by allowing these unbridled comments to be published, contributes to an unsafe culture on campus (and globally) where men get all too easy access to glorify sexual violence upon women, and the ability every time they want too, to publically dismiss the ethnic woman as worthless or simply as whores!

Furthermore we are in a position at this University to educate our male International students about the issues of domestic violence, so that they may not continue this pattern of male perpetrated violence in countries where is is not against the law to bash women.

In my opinion the publication of such sexist and descriptively violent letters or opinions about women on a regular basis by a student representative magazine, is ill-representative of what Waikato University, is about

and an insult to Tainui givers of the generous gift of land under your very feet. People who practice Tikanga Maori, in which a woman has her own mana, and therefore is treated so. What part of printing these letters maintains that? It does not the printing of such hate speech, is spiritual rape!!

The University of Waikato has a motto, ‘Ko Te Tangata’, which means ‘For the People’, it reflects our philosophy that we are in, and for the community. In contrast NEXUS currently represents only a small demographic of people.

The NEXUS done nothing but furthered the suffering of women and ethnic minorities pandering to the white male majority and their need for cheap porno type entertainment, because they cannot get turned on any other way. The NEXUS needs to be held accountable for the sexist culture that permeates the magazine through to the posts on your facebook page, I seek the termination of both (yes two!) Editors of NEXUS magazine for allowing the printing of such a threatening document towards women.

I challenge all males with so called big balls to use their real name when writing in such a manner about women.

There is no freedom of speech, if only the dominant group speaks, while the mute/insulted/marginalised will not.

We are no strangers in NZ to white trash opinions, but what about our International students?. How do they reply to such crude cheap shots? The NEXUS fails to cater for them so Im guessing they are not reading it! Freedom of speech does not mean you shall have the right to publish such hate speech about women.

I ask all male chauvinist pigs in NEXUS and on CAMPUS to consider your mothers your sisters your daughters and your female friends when writing your compost for LETTUCE and grow instead a brain, rather than your penis. I have my own idea why this garbage is being printed.

To conclude and clarify, I have three questions for the General Manager of the WSU, David West and one statement.

1. Where in policy,-does it state that the NEXUS must publish every rubbish thing that comes through your inbox?

2. re: the disclaimer on LETTUCE that states we’ll will publish anything FUNNY. Please give me your reasons why that letter was funny. In which the writer speaks about punching a woman in the face while raping her?

3. As a man do you know what it feels like and means to be viewed as a sexual object?

Facebook rape & Spiritual rape is the same idea.

Te Ahi Ohiwa Waiomio

We put these questions to Nexus and WSU General Manager, David West. Here is what he had to say.

1. Since its inception over 40 years ago Nexus has encouraged student debate and discussion through its letters pages. Policy has consistently been that anything submitted is printed unedited but Nexus has always retained the right to refuse to publish any letter. Given the nature of this letter I accept that we should not have published it and I regret that it has caused offence.

2. The disclaimer is not intended to mean that the only criteria for publication is that a letter is funny. Humour is a subjective attribute and I personally do not find the letter funny. The disclaimer has been subsequently up-dated.

3. I am a man and I have no conscious knowledge of personally feeling objectified because of my gender. As a husband, and father of daughters, I am sensitive to the issue, but clearly am unable to experience this in the same way they would.

4. Facebook rape is a term that I personally find offensive and do not use. I have, however, noted it creeping into popular vernacular with younger people.

WSU General Manager, David West.

Dear Lettuce, I meant to write to you sooner but I’ve been busy.

Reading Hate it or love it by Gucci and not by fifty.

I’m a big fan of the Nexus Busted photographs, And I pray I get to meet Mr. Minty fish and get an autograph.

Sport thought with C-ball, man he gives them hell He knows his shit like the computer geek fixing my dell I’ve been smoking; I am high as a kite, can you tell?

Got the munchies, cos I’ve been get half baked with Mel. Evergreen is Sam, she’s got dreads in a bulk.

She’s so sexy; man for her I’ll turn green like the hulk.

Art you a legend and Drummond probably second?

Goulding and Higby, Nexus success in the future only beckons Ask the Magic 8 ball, yes I reckon that can happen.

All you haters, go to class, before I teach you fools a lesson.

Your biggest fan Stan Hey Nexus.

I liked the fact you had an interview with David Bennett local MP but a cut and paste press release just doesn’t cut it. Where were the counter questions the logical WTF? how can you say!! type follow up questions. I mean if I wanted to read David Bennett rants policy it should be aptly named, read this take two and call me in the morning. Pick up your game, your better than this.

Dissatisfied politics junkie.

The University of Waikato – breaking barriers to learning NOMINATIONS OPEN FOR ADULT LEARNERS’ AWARDS Nominations are now open for the Vice Chancellor’s Adult Learners’ Awards. Do you know an adult learner who deserves recognition for the challenges they have overcome, their efforts, achievements and contributions, and outstanding attitude to study? Nominate them today!

Nominees must be: » At least 25 years old » Enrolled at the University of Waikato, either full or part time (and a current B Semester student) » Studying towards the completion of an undergraduate tertiary qualification Nomination forms and eligibility criteria can be downloaded from www.waikato.ac.nz/pathways/adultlearnersweek All nominations must be received no later than 5pm on Monday 13 August. The awards will be presented during Adult Learners’ Week, 3-7 September 2012.

There’s no stopping you E kore e taea te aukati i a koe

www.waikato.ac.nz/pathways/adultlearnersweek

Opinion

O

k so I’m sitting here trying to think of what to write and you know what is distracting me, facebook!

That’s right I’m going to have a rant about facebook, it had to happen eventually right? What is this thing we are all attached to, we check it when we wake up, we check in when we get home, we check it on our phones. What the hell is it man, why are we so attached to this thing, what is it that makes us feel like we need to be able to check it constantly. I will happily admit that I’m addicted to it, I think you should be happy to as well. But why, why do I need to see what Ryan cooked for dinner tonight, or Olivia is having a bad day or Greg just had a run in with some random in town. Is it that we aren’t content in what is happening in our own lives?

For me I think there are two kinds of people on facebook. You have your givers and your takers, the lovers and the haters, the positors and the negitors. I like to think that I am a giver, I think many of you think you may be as well but if you broke it down I think maybe you wouldn’t be.

First of all let’s address you haters.

You’re the ones that claim to have facebook only to keep in contact with friends, you make that call “yeah I have one but I never use it” or “yeah I never make statuses”. If you have ever said this you are a taker! You simply use facebook to be nosey and pry into what other people are doing with their lives, and so what if some of it is bullshit, hey they are contributing more than you are, it’s just a way for you to make opinions,

pass judgment and think your better than everyone else. But hey, you guys aren’t as bad those trolls, those f*ckers make me so mad. You know the ones I’m talking about, when you make a genuine update and they find away to take the piss, or you post a picture if something you’re really proud of or think you look good in and there’s that one jackass that makes an unnecessary comment, those pricks grind my gears. Just because you’re in computer land, doesn’t mean you get to be an ass face. Pass those comments to me in person and see what the reaction is, I think most of these people are the ones who struggle in social situations because they can’t hide behind their keyboards. But wait there is one thing worse than a troll. This person annoys me more than anything and I have blocked so many friends updates from my home page for this.

Publically moaning about how hard your life is. Please if your status is a winge, don’t bother. I don’t care if you and your bf had a fight, I don’t care if he dumped you, I don’t care if it’s raining I have a window, and for godsakes if you use the letters FML in your status consider yourself unfriended, seriously just take one second and think of what your life is like compared to one of those starving kids in Africa, you know the ones on tv with flies on their faces, looking all anno, so you had to buy a new tire for your bmw, take a reality check.

Alright rants aside, then there are the sharers, the givers and I like to think the leaders. These are the people that let you know about that cool new track they love so much themselves

that they want you to hear it as well.

The ones that come up with funny witty statuses that try to brighten your day. I love seeing photos from my friends outings that hey I wish I could have been on but love just as much seeing second hand. Haters don’t be jealous of these photos, let them inspire you to want to do something just as rad, drag your ass off your computer chair, quit your game of counter strike and venture out in to the real world where you actually get to interact with people in real life settings and environments.

But while you’re still in face space, try giving for once, click that link your friends posted to a article they recommended, listen to that mixtape your friend just put on soundcloud.

Stop being a taker, and god forbid hit the like button, is it so much to ask?

Attend the event , share the youtube clip, poke your mate you saw in the weekend. These are all simple easy ways to be a contributor to this grand scale thing we are all connected to whether we like it or not. If you really think it’s a waste of time or you’re sick of hearing from that jackass that keeps moaning about his toasted sand wedge maker not working, then deactivate your account, it’s simple.

It’s just like choosing whether to read this diary or not, turn the page if it bothers you.

Something Hip

Please if your status is a winge, don’t bother.

15

Feature Section

Sometimes I wonder if the reason the Olympics happen every four years is simply because we need that time to forget how truly dull and overdone the whole experience is. I mean, suuure, it’s exciting when we actually win something, the gymnastics seem to have most people’s lazy Sunday afternoon attention, and the competing athletes are probably stoked for the most part. But really guys?

Are we genuinely all that interested? After we’ve had a brief, curious glance at the opening ceremony (Hard to imagine people still watch the full thing live) it doesn’t take long for us to grow weary of the extensive, albeit diluted, coverage this slightly repetitive event is given. As modern multitasking students with access to Facebook, Twitter and online streaming, I bet our attention span is one of the lowest. Is it the Olympics fault? Has it failed to keep up with the times a-changing? Are the Olympics merely an outdated display of talent, taken over by newer mediums such as The Voice, X Factor and American Idol?

Why don’t we care?

I think it partly comes down to the level of interactivity that the Olympics simply does not supply. People love talent shows because you can get involved – you can vote!

You can tune in every week! And after watching those godawful audition episodes you can get emotionally attached to those superstardom hopefuls. You pick favourites and debate about them with your friends! The Olympics cannot offer this depth of interpersonal connection, with so many games and so many athletes – especially with that little thing called national pride getting in the way.

Also, if we just wanna see random people perform feats of wonderment, we have Youtube for that. Give us something we can connect to! Or loads of cats being cute in sporting attire or some shit.

On the other side of the page, has the world simply progressed past the stage where they needed the Olympics for much-needed globalization? Today we can get at anybody, anywhere, we don’t need no international sporting conference. Obviously the games cannot be performed via Skype so they will always be held in a single location, but what is the real point to the Olympics games if it is not to unite a bunch of far off countries in a bit of well-meaning competition in order to foster healthy

16

Another point of dull – the PR aspect of the Olympics. Olympics uniforms across the board have been slammed for their dowdy air-hostess vibe – even Ralph Lauren was heckled via comment box when his designs for the American team were released to the public. It seems everybody was expecting something new, modern and uniquely representative of our world today. It is 2012, is it not? If the world is still ending, why are we dressing like it’s 1967? If people are up in arms about the state of national Olympic uniforms, what else about the Olympic brand is outdated and dry? I know when I think of London as a whole, the words “avant-garde” do not spring to mind, so maybe a complete refresher can be deferred for another four years, but I think the Games is in need of a rebranding overhaul. They need to start from the

bottom up, re-position the purpose of the Olympics into the here and now, decide how to reinforce this with the schedule and chosen events, and then how to market it to this new audience. All I’m saying, is that people are interested in different shit these days and you’ve gotta play to them.

they are interesting stand- alone viewing. Maybe we should include new events! Dodgeball and Ben Stiller just ran through my mind, but I’m open to ideas. Fastest texter? Longest length of time gone without sleep?

Highest Killstreak. Hey, take the Biggest Loser Olympic – it is a global epidemic. And fat people are funny.

Here are a few suggestions the Olympic Committee may like to consider:

Get in on the social media. Omg the internet has been around for like two decades, use it. There should be plenty of official twitter and facebook accounts, and constant running of these as a means to connect with viewers and supporters in a super fun loving way. Run some competitions, get people involved, and deal out some “Olympic fun facts” – haha just kidding. Thats lame. Just give away free shit and use it as free advertising for events. Basically what everyone else is using it for.

The Queens Jubilee – now there was a show. I always find it funny that the Queen seems to hate the whole debacle and that Robbie Williams is still up for his next 15 minutes, but the monarchy is playing to it’s crowd.

Give the people the entertainment they want. If I were Queen of the Olympics I would include some kind of pre-games concert or half-time show like you see at the super bowl.

Even if all it does is build hype over Madonna and yet another of her comebacks, then you’re still onto a winner. Get a funny guy in. Heck, make stand up comedy an Olympic sport. But really, I mean get some good commentators to crack a few funnies. I understand that it is all highly professional and blah blah blah, but at least have one or two quick witted somebodys to liven up the wrestling or archery. All sports require skill, but that does not mean

Feature

working relationships? Maybe we don’t need this anymore. We have many other avenues with which to connect with those strange, foreign people. Is THIS why we don’t care?

We don’t see the point? Maybe the Olympic Games need to choose a new angle, and serve a new purpose.

(I know showcasing peak athletic ability can be considered an angle/ purpose, but does that really resound globally as the single reason for such an expensive performance as the Olympics? I don’t think so)

This one we can take upon ourselves; Olympic drinking games! Yes. This is the best way to make the event interactive and a sure-fire way to stop any occasion from being dull. The gymnastics are pretty fuckin crazy as is but down a vessel and you’ll find every fall off the beam or crying small muscly person hilarious. They just get so emotional – you got a free trip to London man, hard work’s done.

By Alix Higby

17

Feature

The Olympics has rolled around again. Put aside all the pomp and circumstance and discard the pageantry. Don’t let all the bright shiny stuff distract you from the truth. A whole lot isn’t going to change at the 2012 London Olympics. Michael Phelps will once again be King of the pool, Usain Bolt will stay King of the track, and couch-potato viewers will continue to criticise every athlete that shows their human qualities by having a bong, getting a root amongst the numerous hotties in the athlete’s village, or sinking piss after their events are over. Gasp and holla all you want, but that’s the reality of the Olympic Games in this age. Why else would London have over 100,000 condoms stockpiled? The annoying thing is that we’ll continue to treat these athletes as role models for society, even though they’re just like any other person and looking to make the most out of a unique experience.

Society should do away with the unattainable expectations we put on these athletes and let them live their lives.

Picture this, ten thousand toned and tanned athletes from all over the world living with each other for two weeks, now what are you going to do aside from trying to win gold? Get rowdy and go creeping of course; especially when you factor in that the U.S.A. team has two beer tents in the athletes village (Budweiser and Heineken). The Olympics has changed markedly from 1948 when male and female athletes were housed separately.

Ngaire Lane, the only woman on the New Zealand Olympic team at the time, even had to travel with a middle-aged chaperone or she wasn’t going to be allowed to go.

The reason I mention this massive contrast is because despite society’s attitudes towards sex, drugs, alcohol etc having been revised from those of 1948, our attitude towards the athletes is still that they are the modern-day Jesus’.

18

When Michael Phelps had a hit of weed at a party we come down on him like a tonne of bricks.

Some even tried to suggest he was doing it for performance-enhancing purposes. I don’t know if those people have ever tried to swim 200 meters in world record time? I imagine that is hard. Have you ever tried to watch an episode of Game of Thrones stoned? That is near impossible.

So taking one thing that is hard and adding something that makes mundane tasks impossible isn’t really enhancing your performance is it. All he’s only done is what most people have done at least once in their lives. Does society expect so much of him that winning eight gold medals isn’t enough to earn him one cone? I mean, he should at least be entitled to one cone per gold medal.

The Olympic Games is a global event where everyone can showcase their sporting talents in good spirit, however this should not automatically mean that they have to live a flawless life void of any misdemeanors or slip-ups. We don’t put ourselves under these sorts of expectations, so why do we insist that the athletes live up to them?

They are already role models. They show that perserverance and work ethic leads to accomplish your dreams (provided they haven’t taken performance-enhancing drugs), why not let them be.

Not everyone is cut from the same cloth so it’s understandable that not everyone is born to be a role model. Just because they were born with the athletic gene, doesn’t necessarily mean they say no to drugs and alcohol. Let the Olympics be recognised for what they really are, a demonstration of sporting prowess, not an opportunity to knock people who may dabble in a bit of this and that.

Feature There is a wider context at play here. It isn’t just that we smother our athletes and expect some sort of robotic morality from them it’s that when their conduct becomes truly vile we can still find it excusable if they maintain a standard of athletic success. I can’t tell you how many times I have sat in bars and discussed athletes and sports people and heard reasonable men and woman that I respect excuse things that are a lot worse than consensual sex in an Olympic village or a hit on a bong because that individual happens to be the best in the world at what they do or because they are an All Black or made a debut century. Mike Tyson was arrested multiple times and idiots still blame the cops for ruining a prominent boxers career rather than blame a violent man who hit a woman. The British Olympic captain Ryan Giggs is one of the most beloved footballers of all time and because of that nobody cared when he was outed by a British politician for having numerous affairs including a longstanding extra marital affair with a mistress that would eventually marry his brother while continuing the affair. Nobody would have cared about Tiger Woods extra marital affairs if his game hadn’t suffered. I’m not saying we should judge every athlete on what they do outside of their sport.

But let’s not build a false equivalency. Let’s not let the fact that the can catch a ball or run fast or swim excuse whatever else they do. Morality is its own sliding scale at the best of times but you shouldn’t get a free pass for being an athlete and you shouldn’t get held to a harder standard because of it either. Moving forward how about we just judge each action on their merit. Wouldn’t that make society just a little better for all of us.

By Sean Goulding

19

Entertainment

Face of the week - make me into Michael Phelps

Puzzles Complete the puzzle page, bring it and show us, and you’ll go in the draw to win some sweet free stuff!

SUDOKU

OLYMPICS Word Find LONDON FLAG GOLD SILVER BRONZE

ATHLETE MEDAL OLYMPICS SPANDEX TORCH

GYMNASTS POLEVAULT QWOP STEROIDS SPECIALOLYMPICS

COLOUR ME IN

CAPTION THIS: Send to puzzles@nexusmag.co.nz

Entertainment

Inside every person exists deep seeded frustration, regret, and a longing to do something more to be something better. Left alone that feeling turns to bitterness and in time becomes rage. Rage is the corrosive element of all.

It will tear at the very fabric of your soul until there is nothing left. You become a rage filled empty shell. Over time we learn to polish that shell, protect it and make it appear pretty but there is nothing left, just the shell and the rage. But… There is only room for one empty, bitter, but clairvoyant shell here so all you frustrated people better perk the fuck up or face my wrath. I am the one true EIGHT BALL (accept no substitutes) Dear “magnificent” eight ball am I getting too old for town? Signs point to yes The day you become self aware is the day you stop going out at night. The mere fact that you are asking yourself the question means that your steady transition to becoming a pub drinker or a day drinker has begun. One day you will find yourself thinking actually I don’t feel like going out this week. That week will turn into two and eventually your evenings spent out will only include places that give you a wine list with dinner or the occassional Irish pub on St Patricks day. Buy a wine shelf for home. Alternatively you can bathe in the purifying blood of the righteous like I do each day to keep me young immortal and ready to hit the clubs.

Dear 8 ball my friends keep teasing me about the way I dress. Will they do it forever? Very doubtful.

People just don’t care about you that much. Stop being narcissistic get better clothes, better friends or ignore them 8 ball are you really as demonic as you claim to be?

Concentrate and ask again. While I ignore your ridiculous question and continue to quell the uprising of one of my many enslaved and tortured people.

Will they start to look at prices on campus soon?

They are ridiculously high. Two cokes cost me nearly $ 10 that is insane! Outlook not so good. One of the unwritten and seldom mentioned costs of university life is the expense incurred in simple campus life. A captive market means priceinflation because demand is constant and out weighs supply. Competition is the only thing that drives down prices and when customuers chose not to spend businesses evaluate their pricing. Not bad huh? I tortured an economics professor for three years in a basement once it’s amazing what you can learn. Until then ..Soda Stream?

Aries: This week you will realise that there is no such thing as a true friend, just people waiting to stab you in the back.

Taurus: Life is a series of choices unless you go to Auckland, then it’s just one.

Gemini: Remember dreams are free! Internet is reasonably priced. So at $50 for the trilogy 50 shades of grey is the most expensive softcore around.

Cancer: I think we should break up. It just isn’t working out.

Leo: You are growing and evolving. Go and make your own decisions, horrorscopes has nothing left to teach you. Never come back to this page again!

Virgo: Expiry dates on food and milk are for pussies. This week you won’t be a pussy.

Libra: Asking yourself why you don’t get laid as much as the students from the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences will lead you to confront some real home truths.

Scorpio: True Bliss reforming will hit you harder than first realised.

Sagittarius: Training like an Olympian does not mean going home and hitting the bong just because Michael Phelps does. Hit the gym but not too hard because it hits back like Mike Tyson.

Capricorn: This week being a coward is a virtue.

Be paranoid. Be afraid. Especially of Tuesday morning lecturers. They know more than they are letting on.

Aquarius: Your love triangle is about to become a love quadrilateral which is still a lot easier to manage than “In the Malestrom of head”.

Pisces: Mars and Jupiter are aligned this week.

They are making a serious move to get Venus voted off the Island. You had better stop them before they do. Don’t be afraid to shank Jupiter he has been such a dick lately.

Opinion

H

amilton needs mating signals. A clear list of rules and signage that say “Hey, hey you.

Let’s procreate.”

Oh hey ladies. The best way to tell people that you’re ready for your genitals to touch another person’s genitals is simply to walk around naked with a sign. In comparison, the most legal way is creepy eye contact and small dabblings of self respect that are greatly outweighed by confidence. Before you go out on the town, I want you to hold this list up, look at it with both of your eyeballs, send those messages to your brain, complete the action and then take a shot to congratulate yourself on having relatively functioning eye sight. Ok Chris Brown, leggo beat it up. #totes inappropes.

PRETOWN: 1) Shower. You smell like unrefrigerated salmon.

2) Make clever underwear choices.

What exactly defines a ‘clever underwear choice’ is up to you. Just don’t make stupid ones. No pressure, but don’t fuck it up.

3) Try not to look like a foot.

4) Lashes.

5) Tan. 6) Perfume.

7) The pill. I refuse to turn on Jeremy Kyle and say “lol. I remember this.

She went to town, forgot her pill and now she’s got terrible teeth and spitting on an obscure reality tv show with her chav lad Clint and her 11pound baby because YOLO.” I simply refuse. Never again.

22

IN TOWN: 1) Use your spidey senses to lock in a mate.

2) Position your feet at shoulder width from one another, squat slightly.

3) Break out into a fully fledged haka.

He’ll have to be keen. If he’s not keen, tell him he’s a racist. Even if he’s Maori and you’re Maori; tell him he’s racist because you’re from Nga Puhi and he’s a Tainui ghetto soldier. You

might want to prepare for the backlash of calling someone a ghetto soldier.

Another haka should do the trick.

4) Throw freshly cooked bacon in a Taxi and lock him in.

5) Procreate.

Guys, your rules aren’t much different bar the fact that you do them whilst wearing a penis on your body. He’s like your fashionably accessory to crime.

Think of this next time you get a girl named Letitia, Levi, Teneisha, Tia, Bex, Sammi, Shontelle, Chanel, Riccadona, Ria or Chloe pregnant. You’re never alone when your best friend lives in your pants.*So here’s how to prepare for the impromptu yet consensual** act of coitus.

PRE TOWN: 1) Shower. You smell like weed and cheese snacks.

2) No holes in your underwear.

3) Try not to look like a foot.

4) Tan (Optional yet advised.)

5) SUITS. 6) Condamns; because bitches want babies and you’ll be damned if they con you. Ohhhhh MMF. You bring all of the punny to the yard.

IN TOWN: 1) Stand on one foot and make eye contact with your desired target. If she is doing a haka at your best mate, head to the bar, get him drunk, palm him off to some Cougs in Shenanigans.

2) Resume your position on one foot and do a slight shimmy in the direction of her ovaries.

3) Pretend to choke so that she knows how much you’re gagging for it.

4) If she sees this and does anything other than help you, this may not be the best sign for your impending marriage.

Find an escape route and then ignore it because you’re straight thuggin’.

5) Use the escape route because actually you were brought up on the North Shore and if you try too hard to hold in the manly giggles that calling yourself ‘straight thuggin’ aroused, you’ll piss yourself; with urine; that’s the worst kind of pissing yourself.

I hope this helped. Do you want help with your life? I may not necessarily be entirely qualified but the only differences between qualification and dedication are 6 members of the alphabet, an official piece of paper, trusted clients and 4 years of study. Here’s my email (mmf@ nexusmag.co.nz) so write to me maybe.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Mrmintyfish.

Oh hey Mrmintyfish. How can I help?

You can’t. This is a knock knock joke.

You’re meant to say “Mrmintyfish who?”

Sorry, Mrmintyfish who?

No, you’ve already fucked it up.

Can’t we justNo, you’ve ruined everything.

I’m sorry, I just thoughtYOU’VE RUINED EVERYTHING. I’m sorry! Please let us finish the joke.

Do you really want to?

Yes! Please MMF. Ok. Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Mrmintyfish.

Mrmintyfish who?

You’re adopted.

Love you all immensely. Some more than others.

MMF.x *what am I talking about? **what the fuck am I still talking about.

T

he death of Ernest Borgnine a fortnight ago has been widely commented upon in both the entertainment and mainstream press. Rightly so. The guy plied his craft for 61 years - that’s a career almost as long as Katharine Hepburn’s - and featured in everything from From Here to Eternity to Spongebob Squarepants.

While Borgnine wasn’t the first aesthetically challenged man to become a star he was perhaps the first to do for playing a psychologically credible human being. Marty, the 1955 film for which he won the Best Actor Oscar, dealt with romance in a manner previously alien to Hollywood. With beautiful understatement Borgnine plays a character without confidence or prospects, an openly depressive type who has given up on the idea of love. It was almost unAmerican for a leading man to consider himself sexually unattractive.

I regret the passing of the last principal cast member of The Wild Bunch (if you discount it’s most junior member, the still living Bo Hopkins). With balletic violence and a tone that alternated between the cynical and the elegiac Sam Peckinpah’s film revolutionised the western and Borgnine’s earthy outlaw Dutch is the closest thing the film has to a moral compass. Its poignancy grew over the years when life imitated art, many of its actors dying prematurely. When Robert Ryan, William Holden, Warren Oates and Strother Martin all passed away early it seemed to reflect the onscreen fate

of their Wild Bunch characters. Only Borgnine bucked the trend and made old bones. 95 is a good innings.

The Wild Bunch is one of the great ensemble films. Borgnine could lay claim to being part of another the aforementioned From Here to Eternity - and also featured in one of the better 70s disaster movies that brought together stars of earlier eras: The Poseidon Adventure.

There are probably better ways to mourn the fat man than segueing into a discussion about ensemble casts, but that’s what I’m about to do. I’m not talking about gimmick movies in which there are multiple cameos, the disaster films or those old Agatha Christie adaptations where a multitude of past Oscar winners are reduced to the status of murder suspects. A true ensemble film is one in which actors of significance all have meaty parts worthy of their talents. Here’s a list of a few, most of them stocked by Auteur House: 1. The Women (1939) An all female cast featuring three Best Actress winners - Norma Shearer, Joan Crawford and Joan Fontaine - as well as Rosalind Russell, Paulette Goddard and America’s favourite lesbian Marjorie Main - this is proto-feminism at its most stylish. Directed - of course - by a gay man: George Cukor.

2. Gone With the Wind (1939) Whatever else it is this epic adaptation of Margaret Mitchell’s Civil War novel is a supreme example

of ensemble acting. Gable, Leigh, De Havilland, Mitchell, McDaniel and Darwell make for the highest Oscar count in history, laying claim to 8 statues between them.

3. The Philadelphia Story (1940) Hollywood’s ultimate love triangle: Katharine Hepburn caught between Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart, a lineup that even Crosby, Sinatra and Grace Kelly couldn’t match in the musical remake.

4. Richard III (1955) Britain’s great trio of theatrical knights were cast together for the first time in this, the third film in Olivier’s Shakespearean trilogy. Larry is at the top of his game as the hunchback king, Ralph Richardson makes for a crafty Buckingham and John Gielgud lends his silky voice to the Duke of Clarence.

4. Mister Roberts (1955) Henry Fonda had played the title part in the stage production of Mister Roberts well over 1,000 times before taking the lead in the film. It was for him an unhappy reunion with director John Ford - they ended up in a fist fight - but an ensemble that includes James Cagney, Jack Lemmon and William Powell perfectly blends 1930s star power with emerging 1950s talent.

5. Glengarry, Glen Ross (1993) 38 years later Jack Lemmon co-stared with Al Pacino, Kevin Spacey, Alan Arkin, Ed Harris, Jonathan Pryce and Alec Baldwin in a riveting adaptation of David Mamet’s play. The veteran outshines them all as a down-on-hisluck, burnt out real estate salesman.

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www.budgetappliances.co.nz

!!!!WHHAAACKKK!!!!

I quickly spun around to find the chair that I had been sitting in smashed to splinters, covered in the morbid remnants of a very dead, very shattered watermelon. Regretting my decision to leave home with no umbrella, I walked in a most rapid fashion (a fashion that some may describe as a frantic sprint) towards the bookstore. The last time I checked, Benny’s had that most precious of commodities, a roof.

I passed through the door of Benny’s Book and Haberdashery Supplies with the smell of freshly pulverized melon nipping at my heels. Composing myself momentarily, I took from my pocket a list of book that I needed. The general linguistics book that I required for my general linguistics class was called General Linguistics. A fitting title.

“You must be here to buy a book then”,came a familiar voice from over my left shoulder and partly from over my right. I turned to find Captain Obvious holding General Linguistics. He must have just brought it.

“Yeah, I just brought it”, confirmed he, “And there’s only one more left”.

“Right, I’d best go grab it then,” said I, and hurried off.

Section

In the space of two minutes, three people had walked or run away from me. A personal record. After congratulating myself on my superb people skills, I started thinking of other ways to amuse myself before I caught the bus home.

Should I go and buythat text book I needed? Or should I spend my money on trivialities like food and rent? No, definitely the text book, decided I – Food and Rent is a very entertaining book but it would be of little help to me with linguistics. (Ironically, linguistics would be of little help to me with food and rent in the future).

I got up and left in the opposite manor that I arrived and sat, and headed to Benny’s where books and general explosives were sold. As I….

As the sarcastic title of this column subtly suggests, written content can only reach its peak of brilliance when presented in as few words as possible. The longer the description, the less likely it’s going to make sense.

Forsooth, this rule of thumb holds true for verbal content, too.

Just yesterday a friend asked me, “How do I look?” And instead of addressing the usual debacle of my response (euphemistic honesty versus downright lie) I fixed my attention onto the question itself. After a half second, I closed that thought with a smile. Had she asked, “How do I look like?” I would’ve been bewildered, instinctively asking her to repeat herself. But she hadn’t. There was no verbosity in her sentence. She had articulated her enquiry flawlessly. Another half second, and I concluded that there’s nary an English speaker who so says, “How do I look like?” For one, the question doesn’t make sense; and two, if you wanted to know what you looked like, you’d apply the more appropriate word ‘what’ to the beginning of your question. And yet, these reflections have left me in a state of utter perplexity.

“This appears to be the last volume”, said I to the cashier, taking a cue from Captain Obvious.

“Yes”, said she, with an official officious tone that reeked of officialdom.

I handed over my EFTPOST card…

Time and time again I see photos stamped on the internet depicting two versions of the same scenario. For instance, the top half shows a perfect picture of a party, while the bottom half shows a retarded, cheap rendition of the same thing. Their slogans, respectively, read “How you think you look like while partying hard”, and “How you actually look like”. Another might illustrate how you think you look like when you’re running, and how you actually look like.

Notice the words in bold. What is their purpose? Why have they been included? I can think of several possibilities. It could be that the writer was drunk - in every single case.

Or, and this is far more likely to be true, he was indecisive about which correct form to use out of “How you actually look,” or “What you actually look like,” and made the stupid decision of combining both. As a result, he left this cancerous growth hanging on the end of the sentence, ruining it entirely and defacing an otherwise engaging picture. All sense of value and meaning to the piece has been forsaken -- sort of like Mr Bean’s ultimate disaster, except, in the case of Bean, no one expected anything better. ‘How’ shouldn’t be used with ‘like’ because you either explain how something looks, or what something looks like with a comparison. Ergo, I present a simpler rule of thumb: sentences ending with ‘like’ should begin with ‘what’.

By Skippy

By Psuedonym

I found the last volume behind a stack of major and corporal linguistics books. It indeed was the last volume, made plain by the complimentary post-it note stuck to its cover that read “last volume”. I took the post-it note with the attached book to the counter.

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Section

The London Olympics: Entertainment, triumphs and controversy.

For a typical kiwi, it seems as if we have only just deflated our chests and combed our feathers from our glorious win in the rugby world cup.

There is no doubt an equally glorious roar of support will back our national representatives as they bear black and white in a bid to bring home gold. No doubt we will be offered the best of the olympian triumphs which the media has already began doing as a pre-show crowd warmer; from made-in-China uniforms depleting American nobility, Pakistan’s sole female competitor transgressing from accepted norms or Mark Todd’s return to the ring, financially supporting himself. The media will have a blast selecting which tears, triumphs, falls and bloodshed to stretch over our flat screens or vomit from our radio presenters mouths.

Despite the fellow competition, our national pride and egotism rolling over from the world cup will set us out from the rest of the hopefuls in the line-up. Any sporting event of such global significance is a breeding ground for this ‘media’ and because we are so addicted to the controversy in a voyeuristic/guilty pleasure kind of way, the media and all its many sources make sure our palate is constantly entertained.

There is no need to explain our parents, and grandparents, technological incompetence or old-fashion mannerisms; the more inventions Apple releases into the market the further we move from the preceding generations, yet a common denominator connects one to the other. Juicy scandals and controversy have continuously found their way

to us. 1924 saw Germany uninvited to the summer olympics, in 1956 two water polo teams got violent as a result of political frustrations between the Soviet union and Hungary, labeling the riot as the Blood in the Water match; in 1964 South Africa was expelled from the olympics due to the apartheid, not to be re-invited until 1992. In the 1972 Summer Olympics in Germany, the Munich massacre occurred, when members of the Israeli Olympic team were taken hostage by a Palestinian terrorist group, resulting in the murder of 11 athletes. The list goes on and will continue, and predictably intensify, as we are granted access into the private lives of others and the behind the scenes action.

Needless to say, the players will keep changing, yet the game stays the same; more to the point, controversy has been around since the snake lured Eve into temptation, but thanks to the arrival of the world wide web we no longer need to wait centuries for the gossip. The difference between then (the times where an Olympic intervention was a World War) and today, is the social media blanket we all share. Allowing us to constantly be entertained and bought by the media which uses reality as a form of entertainment, suppling our craving souls with the most addictive drug of all; controversy.

Media is the new christianity with Mark Zuckerberg sporting roman sandals and a goatee, sacrificing his normality in the name of social media. Yet, such media has changed the secret keeping game forever. It’s sharp arrival introduced a new breed,

which includes ‘us’, the multitude.

We are now the media, as much as the media is us. We have the power to share, comment, dictate, create and so on in the online arena, along with the ability to influence. From Twitter and Tumblr to Facebook and Youtube, the power now lies in the hands of the consumer, the user, the participator. These social media platforms let us look right into the lives of others, as anonymous stalkers, maintaining our reputation.

We have tasted the blood of intrusion into areas once kept hidden, creating our diet for the dramatic, scandalous and controversial. From explicit stories of middle-Eastern worlds to the epic strength and determination of a little puppy’s will to survive, news television knows exactly how to keep us on the edge of our seat; a simple story about the incredibly talented musician donating time and effort to raise money for the local high-school takes a back seat. The end of the world phenomenon, which we were told to put in our diaries as December 25th, was blown-up into an actual event, well, until they discovered the rest of a collection of mayan drawings depicting life after the year 2012; great idea for a film though. Like Sonny-Bill Williams convenient wardrobe malfunction midst the rugby world cup, even real-life events can be jaw-drooping and scandalous. I can’t wait for the London olympics to start, not because I have any dying passion for the sports, but rather the desire to be entertained and I am certain that I will be.

By Julia Gabel

Fashion

You’re all beautiful.

Seriously. Even you, who’s insecure with the huge... tracts of land (Monty Python reference, awwh yeeeah). Don’t let the media tell you that one shape is the way to be, for instance, Alice’s Mum is definitely Mum-shaped (don’t want to give too much away, she reads this) but does her Dad mind?

Not one bit. It’s cliché but it’s true, everyone’s different and that’s what makes this world such an interesting place. Cue inspirational music. We think that you deserve to both look and feel beautiful, and if you don’t, well we are here to help, much like Trinny and Susannah (minus the poking and prodding and public nudity). The way we see it, you’ve basically got two options – work with it, or work around it. To work with it, wear whatever the heck you want, and feel fabulous! To work around it, read on...

There are 4 main types of female body shape, the first of which being the noodle. This body shape is straight up and down, with little differentiation between waist, bust and hips. If you’re insecure about this, create the illusion of curves by using clothes that have a shape to them.

Think tailored jackets, pencil skirts and waist belts. Prints and ruffles on clothing can also help create shape.

The next shape is the pear. The pear occurs where the hips are larger than the bust, pretty much the opposite of the apple. For this reason, the advice for this shape is exactly the same, but opposite. You want to wear brighter colours on top and darker colours below, or create volume with ruffles on a top, so as to balance your bust and hips.

The next type is the apple. This shape is characterised by shoulders and bust that are larger than the hips.

To dress for this type, make sure that you have more going on on your bottom half than you do on your top. You can do this by wearing bright skirts or pants, and darker tops and shirts. You could also try experimenting with texture such as pleats on your bottom half to create volume and balance yourself out.

The final shape to dress is the hourglass. This is where the bust and hips are the same size, with a narrow waist in the middle. The trick with this shape is to wear clothes that come in at the waist.

This gives you a lovely line, and ensures that your clothes are showing off your features to their best advantage. You could use tailored jackets, belts, waisted dresses and even waistcoats to create this shape.

We were going to make up some more types just for fun, like the potato and the shaved llama, but we thought that you, oh clever readers, would probably figure out our hilariously ill-concealed attempt at a troll. The point is, you’re all ridiculously attractive. Like, there’s a whole lot of attractiveness going on at this University. A lot. Yep. Stay wonderful!

-Alice and Anne.

Food

I

ce Cream Sundaes, Yay! During the holidays I celebrated a birthday. Let’s not go into detail on age, because age is but a number or some shit like that. I’m still just a big kid so I decided that my party needed an ice cream sundae bar. Because I am ridiculous and feel the need to make extra work for myself at any opportunity I also decided to flavour my own ice cream. Many glorious ideas of donut ice cream, bannofie pie, or cookie dough were thrown around but I settled on vanilla bean, berry, snickers chocolate ripple, and apple & cinnamon.

Now when I say I flavoured my own ice cream I do not mean I made my own ice cream. I would, but that shit takes time and a lot of effort, as well as a bunch of paraphernalia I don’t own. What I mean is that I bought vanilla ice cream, softened it a little, smushed stuff into it and then jammed it back into my freezer as quickly as possible. I know I just burst your bubble and I’m sorry. Anyway, let’s carry on.

Vanilla bean: I threw the softened ice cream in a bowl and attempted to use my hand mixer to mix vanilla bean syrup through it. You know what happens when you try to mix semi frozen ice cream with a hand mixer? It goes crazy and tries to climb the beaters and attempts to get inside of your mixer, and then when you freak and pull it out of the bowl to try and stop it, it will spin off the beaters and splatter you and anything else that lies within splattering distance of the bowl.

Unbelievably I did this twice....yeah, shut up, I don’t know. I did the mixing by hand from this point.

Berry: If fresh berries were in season and not hella expensive I would have used them, but they’re not and they are, so I used canned boysenberries and strawberries. Throw it all in a pot and add some caster sugar, boil and smush until it has reduced down a bit and then allow it to cool completely; voila – you have berry couli. Same as above, mix into softened ice cream and throw back into the freezer as quickly as possible.

Snickers chocolate ripple: This is a multi-step process.

Step one: make a chocolate ganache; heat cream and then mix chocolate through and slowly keep heating until it’s all melty and delicious. (sneaking trick I discovered, since ganache is apparently a bitch to make: if it starts separating, mix it with a hand mixer as quickly as possible – works a charm.)

Step two: freeze Snickers (or any chocolate bar that takes your fancy) and then smash them to little pieces, it helps if you cut them up a bit before freezing them, although you do run the risk of eating more snickers than goes into your icecream.

Step three: mix snickers through ice cream, spoon it into whatever you’re going to freeze it in a little bit at a time and then drizzle each layer with a bit of chocolate ganache.

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Apple and cinnamon: I bought some granny smith apples and was going to cook them with a bit of brown sugar and cinnamon before mixing them through the ice cream, but then I remembered I had a can of apple pie

filling in the cupboard and that I am lazy, so I thought that would work instead. Anyway, as above I jammed the pie filling and a decent sprinkling of cinnamon into the ice cream, mixed my little heart out and then threw it all into the freezer. I probably should have gone with my original idea or at least cooked the pie filling a bit, because the texture of half cooked apples when frozen was not quite what I was going for, but at least the cinnamon tasted good in the vanilla icecream. The main reason for making my own berry couli and chocolate ganache was that, while only a little of it went into the flavoured ice cream, what was left served as sauces for the sundae bar. Add chopped nuts, hundreds and thousands and whatever other sprinkles float your boat and get some wafer biscuits and chocolate fingers or anything else you wanna shove into your sundaes and BAM! Sundaes!

The general consensus from my friends was that I am totally cute when I play hostess, that the ice cream was delicious and that we were all too full of booze/snacks/ cake (did I mention that my awesome friend Judy made me a gigantic rainbow cake? No? It was amazing and delicious) to eat much of it by that point. Ah well, it was fun all the same.

Food

LICK THAT SPOON Ever wondered what to do with that left over Sunday roast? Make a soggy sandwich or chuck into a boring salad? Enclosed I attach a flavour packed recipe for your predicament. These roast beef and cheddar spirals would make a convenient snack through the week. The thing I love about this recipe in particular is that it’s not just roast beef and cheese wrapped in dough. A seasoned sauce is added over the spirals to lift up the flavours and make it a delightful savoury snack, or lunch served with a light arugula salad.

Dough: 1 ½ cups all-purpose flour 2 teaspoons sugar 4 teaspoons baking powder ½ teaspoon kosher salt 6 tablespoons butter, cubed and chilled ½ cup buttermilk (or natural yogurt with a splash of water mixed through) 1 egg, beaten Sauce: 2 tablespoons mustard 1 tablespoon mayonnaise ¼ teaspoon fresh crack black pepper ¼ teaspoon salt ¼ teaspoon smoked paprika ¼ teaspoon dry thyme Filling: ¾ cup cheddar cheese, shredded 1 ½ cup thinly sliced, but not shaved, roast beef lunch meat (or you may use 1 cup bacon, thinly sliced and grilled off)

1. In a large bowl combine the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Whisk until well combined then add the butter.

With your fingers rub the butter into the four until the mixture resembles coarse sand studded with pea sized pieces of butter.

2. Add the buttermilk to the flour mixture and mix until the dough forms a shaggy ball. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface and press the dough into a rough rectangle. Fold the dough in half and press out again.

Repeat this process 4 more times, then wrap the dough in plastic and chill for 20 minutes.

3. While the dough chills make the sauce. In a small bowl combine the mustard, mayonnaise, pepper, salt, paprika, and thyme. Mix until well combined. Set aside.

4. Once the dough has chilled roll it out on a lightly floured surface until it is roughly a 12x14-inch rectangle. It should be between 1/8 and ¼- inch thick. Brush the sauce evenly over the dough, then spread the cheese evenly over the sauce. Lay the slices of roast beef over the cheese and then carefully begin rolling the long edge of the dough toward you, making sure not to roll the spiral too tightly. Wrap the dough in plastic wrap and chill for 30 minutes to make slicing easier.

5. Heat the oven to 350 F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Spray the paper lightly with non-stick cooking spray to prevent any of the cheese in the filling from sticking to the paper.

6. Once chilled slice the dough into 8 even pieces, using a serrated knife, and arrange on the prepared baking sheet.

Brush each spiral with beaten egg and bake for 20 to 22 minutes, or until golden brown all over and the cheese is bubbling. Cool for 3 minutes on the pan before removing to a serving plate.

Visit me on facebook and let me know how your lick that spoon experience was at www.facebook.com/hoory.yeldizian

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Reviews

REVIEWS I Will Never Cut My Ties steps up a gear in terms of tempo and Reid frollicks along, her voice rising and falling effortlessly. Fans of Cat Power or Flip Grater will be able to appreciate Reid’s vocal style while Jack White or Mumford and Sons’ fans will relish the smoking guitar licks. She transgresses range just as easily as tempo with the song ending in a slow haunting atmosphere.

The Frontline (Oh Well) strikes me as the ‘single’ off the EP. It’s catchy chorus is simple to pick up and sing along to. It also seems to straddle the dark subject matter Reid often approaches and more commercial or pop stylings. Young Girl/Mothers Lying Heart also appears to be a bit more accessible than some of the sadder numbers, and it sweetly lumbers along. Rise and Fall is the closing song. It’s the most sombre and also my favourite. It has an eerie feel to it; Reid’s husky voice carrying low and smouldering forms.

Nadia Reid – Letter’s I Wrote and Never Sent My family and I suffered a loss this last week. This may not be relevant, but I’m just trying to give you some context into this week’s music of choice. I find when things go wrong; I reach for a certain kind of music, especially when there’s distance to travel or silence to break. This time, the music that I’ve found myself with is Letters I Wrote and Never Sent, an EP from Christchurch singer/ songwriter Nadia Reid. Reid’s music has been somewhat of a comfort to

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me this week and I thought I should share this with you.

The EP starts with No Good Man. This country infused tale Reid shares, portrays emotion so openly yet so subtlely, like a prisoner escaping under the cover of darkness; sirens and lights ablaze. The “big talking man” in Reid’s chorus conjures up images of a western and that idea seems to fit the five song EP down to the ground.

This EP is not going to be everyone’s taste. It is sad. But it has depth. If you thought Birds was Bic Runga’s best album, if you’ve been taken by Bon Iver or Laura Marling’s recent success, or you too feel like “sad songs say so much” then check this EP out. Oh, and it’s available for free download / koha.

Reviewed by HP

Hunger

by Knut Hamsun About the only pop-culture reference I’ve ever heard made to Knut Hamsun was in David Lynch’s Twin Peaks. A bunch of Norwegians are staying at the Great Northern hotel, so Ben Horne name-drops Hamsun.

Given this is a pretty obscure reference in itself; chances are you’re not too familiar with him. Which is a shame, because the whole school of modern literature derives from him. At the time he was writing (at the turn of the twentieth century) most of his contemporaries were still churning out Victorian melodramas.

Hamsun on the other hand, was writing in a style more reminiscent of Hunter S. Thompson. That is to say he wrote in an entirely subjective, stream of consciousness style, which in ‘Hunger’ reads like the ravings of a drug addled lunatic.

Which isn’t entirely surprising, as Hunger is a loose (very loose) autobiography of Hamsun’s own struggles as an aspiring writer.

Basically he spends the entire novel in a state of semi-starvation, a condition which, while depriving the

It is, therefore, a very contemporary read, so much so that you’ll probably feel his technique has been done before – even though Hamsun was a good thirty years ahead of his time.

His revolutionary style was rewarded with the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1920. Hamsun’s other claim to fame (or more accurately infamy) was his dubious politics. Surprisingly given his ultra individualistic prose, he was a Nazi supporter both before and during World War Two. He arranged an audience with Hitler during the war, and even wrote a eulogy after his death praising Adolf as a ‘great warrior for mankind.’ Needless to say this didn’t go down too well with his fellow Norwegians, and in a case of irony Hamsun’s own books were publicly burned after the War. A further ironic twist was that Hamsun’s reputation remained bleak, until his work was rediscovered by hippies in the 1960s.

Reviewed by Kevin Pryor.

Le Cirque de Rêves opens at nightfall, and closes with the sunrise. A circus of not a single tent but a myriad of many tents of various shapes in sizes all clad in black in white. Inside these deceptively unimpressive tents you will find not only acrobats and lion tamers, but also beautiful illusionists and fortune tellers, a garden made entirely of ice and a tent filled with a maze of clouds. This is no ordinary circus; it is the circus of dreams.

Reviews

brain of essential sugars, has been likened to being on an LSD trip.

This book is truly stunning. One of the most well written, descriptive and elaborately illustrated stories I have read in a long time. Morgenstern paints a vivid and alluring picture of a circus full of so much wonder, amazement and magic that it could never truly exist. But this story draws you in so completely that it leaves you wishing, hoping and dreaming that the circus was real.

The beginning of the book sets the scene and introduces the characters with enough information to keep you reading at a leisurely pace. However half way through the book the story suddenly picks up, and left me totally incapacitated until I got to the end. If you start to read this book, make sure you finish it. It’s worth it.

While the circus is by far the most amazing and emotion evoking setting I have ever read about, the circus itself is not the story. It is merely the venue for a far more complex and mysterious story. A battle of magic that has been fought, won, lost and continued for centuries.

Reading this was a truly magical experience. Read it. Seriously. It’s freaking amazing.

Reviewed by Courtney Q

The Night Circus

By Erin Morgenstern

The circus arrives without warning.

No announcements precede it...

It is simply there, when yesterday it was not.

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Reviews

Sniper Elite V2

Sniper Elite is a welcome sight. The current trend for shooters at the moment is to be in the modern day or the near future, but Sniper Elite sends us back to the glory days of the WW2 shooters.

affect the trajectory of your shots, such as wind strength, bullet drop, type of rifle and what ammunition you are using. You also get a kind of bullet time, where you slow your breathing to a minimum and a little red dot showing you where the bullet is going to hit (Sniper Ghost warrior much?). As this is a third person shooter, if you are playing this on PC like I was, I recommend playing it with a controller.

There is a story for the game, but it’s not very important. You play as an American agent sent in to stop V2 rocket launches blah blah blah.

If you get the DLC for this game, you get to play a bonus mission where you attempt to assassinate Hitler.

Yes, it is as awesome as it sounds.

Not an amazing game, but if you are looking for a shooter that requires you to think a bit more, and if you want to shoot Hitler in the balls, then this is for you.

Review by Craig Barrett But Sniper Elite isn’t what you think.

It not run here and shoot this guy, then run here and shoot that guy.

You do assassinate high value targets, but it’s more tactical than your modern day shooter. You are given a sniper rifle, a sub machine gun and a pistol. The game rewards you for stealth and planning your shots carefully. Your character is about as bullet resistant as a block of cheese, so if you end up in a close quarters fight you are doing it wrong. There are sections where you must sneak past guards but you have a silenced pistol for a reason.

The unique feature of this game however is the killcam it generates for some of the shots you pull off.

Shown in graphic detail, the game shows the bullet travel into and through your victim all in x-ray vision so you can see the damage done to the persons vital organs and bone shattering. If you play on the harder difficulties, real world physics

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Scotts Epicurean

Located 181 Victoria Street Hamilton, beside Lone Star restaurant.

Scotts Epicurean has been open one hour and the cafe is already buzzing with vibrant music, kitchen hustle and the hum of chinwagging customers. The cafe stretches downward to an outside courtyard; the bricks, damp wood and moss shadowed by towering ferns and apartment balcony’s create a romantic atmosphere for those willing to bear the morning chill. The white walls are dressed in large impressionist paintings and a community cork board. We have only been here a few minutes and the cafe appears to be the local hang-out

for business men, mums and bubs and students. I am joined by another friend; we order coffee and breakfast.

The coffee arrives within minutes; a perfect, hot flat white.

The glass cabinet is full of cakes, sandwiches (including vegetarian options), tarts and scones. The menu features a wide range of items from bagels and crepe’s to black and white pudding with a collection of glutenfree choices. The prices are likewise, starting from $6.90 and ending closer to $17.50. A price range and food options, I feel, works include the student demographic while creating a opulent yet intriguing menu. Items such as the banana bread (which my friend opted for) and the Bircher Muesli (my order) provide a dash of English provisions while the Pytti Panna, a Swedish bubble and squeak, further shows the menus diversity.

Our breakfast arrives quickly, within ten minutes. My friend’s choice the banana bread arrives; homemade for $10.50 you get two thick slices accompanied by honey and butter. The homemade wonder is utterly divine; a crispy bite with a light middle made very sweet when used with the honey provided. The menu’s description of Toasted Banana Bread, Butter and Honey is mildly understated.

For myself I have the Bircher muesli.

Typical, I prefer something somewhat light in the mornings and the muesli

I have been here before and enjoyed the poached fruit ($11.5). The sweetness of the granola and fruit is balanced by the greek yoghurt.

This handmade nosh is simply yum.

Those from the breakfast selection that we got to enjoy were good but what made the experience even better was the atmosphere; the liveliness of the staff, the roar of the coffee machine, the murmur of intimate conversations between couples on the communal table plastered with newspapers and coffee cups; the clang, and crash, of cutlery somewhere in the kitchen and an air of music (Michael Jackson) which could be heard over all the bustle, giving the cafe a zesty spirit. A wonderful start to the day, highly recommended.

Reviewed by Julia Gabel

So where do you go once you’ve decided to make a sequel to arguably one of the greatest movies of the last decade? A question I’m sure writer Jonathon Nolan and writer-director Christopher Nolan pondered at length. The answer: break the Batman. The Dark Knight Rises returns to Gotham eight years after the events of The Dark Knight, where the (Harvey) Dent Act has rid

Reviews

was the right decision. The process behind the creation of such a simple thing appears closer to a ritual. The muesli is made from scratch of dried fruit (pineapple, apricot), nuts, seeds and oats which are soaked overnight in apple juice to be macerated in yoghurt and milk the following morning. It is rather sweet, without being overly done with a portion size that is more than adequate. After our meals we order another coffee and despite the rising number of customers, the oil, again, arrives very promptly.

the streets of crime, Bruce Wayne is a recluse and the Batman remains wanted by police in connection with events at the end of the last movie.

This all changes with the arrival of the mysterious and alluring catburglar known as Catwoman, and the intelligent and physically intimidating criminal mastermind Bane (the latter care of some midair acrobats with a couple of planes). Taking inspiration from the Knightfall story of Batman comics, Nolan weaves together an ambitious story that, like its predecessor (or the mind-bending Inception), walks a fine line between fantastic storytelling and being an over-blown monster. The movie that is, not Bane.

The Knightfall stories were my initiation to Batman in the comics, and were so memorable, not only for introducing Bane – the only criminal to be Batman’s intellectual equal and physical superior – but for breaking Batman, both physically and mentally. So for me, I had a lot riding on how Bane was portrayed in this movie. Tom Hardy is convincing as the villain, and is as far removed from the lumbering, dim-witted henchman of the awful

Batman and Robin movie of the 90’s as you can get; while the issue of clarity around his dialogue seems to have been largely resolved. But the standout performance has to be Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle/Catwoman.

An inspired choice, she steals every scene she’s in and is easily the best Catwoman to be seen on the silver screen. Once again, casting choices that can seem so strange at the outset (you want the guy from ‘A Knights Tale’ to play the Joker? Seriously?), end up working out so well you forget they’re acting. Together Tom and Anne round out the fantastic cast we’ve come to expect from the Batman movies.

It was always going to be a challenge to tell such a complex story with as many twists and turns as this, and while it doesn’t quite reach the heights of its predecessor, the Dark Knight Rises is an epic conclusion to Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy.

Note, if you can’t remember the events of Batman Begins or the Dark Knight, I’d suggest re-watching them before going to see the Dark Knight Rises.

Reviewed by Chris Williams

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Section

TE WIKI O TE REO MĀORI

MONDAY 23 JULY 2012 9.30AM – 11.30AM TE MANAWA STUDENT CENTRE

‘PURITIA TE KAKAU O TE HOE’ Te Manawa proudly hosts renowned waka expert Hoturoa Kerr and son Turanga Barclay-Kerr who will be giving a presentation on The Great Waka Migration and Tainui Waka and sailing in contemporary times.

Te Rā/Date: Te Wā/Time: Te Wāhi/Venue:

Rāhina 23 o Hōngongoi, Mon 23rd July 9.30am – 11.30am Te Manawa Student Centre, Te Whare Wānanga o Waikato

FREE AND OPEN TO THE PUBLIC Proudly sponsored by the University of Waikato in association with the Cultural Committee

Our flat enlisted the help of the WSU advocacy service to attempt to resolve a tenancy dispute between us, a former tenant, and our landlord.

We contacted the WSU and met with Amber who listened to our problem and asked all the appropriate questions.

She then gave us immediate guidance of what to do while she researched the matter. Amber always kept a fair stance in her advice, which was professional and appreciated, as it was impartial advice that we needed rather than just support. She encouraged us to take small steps towards resolution, and pointed us in the right direction with these. When things escalated, Amber offered to accompany us to meet with the other parties to aid fair discussion of the matter. She always responded promptly, was easily contactable - and above all, extremely helpful.

The help from the advocacy service validated our claims which were not being taken seriously by the other parties, and Amber’s presence helped to diffuse the power imbalance that commonly arises between landlords and tenants. The matter was resolved fairly and correctly at this point, and we received the money that we were owed.

Sound like something you or a friend need help with?

Contact Amber the Advocate on (07) 856 9139

Can she drive?

Mei has just arrived from China and her flat is too far from University to bike. She can afford an old car, but wonders how to get a licence.

Mei can drive on an overseas driver licence or international driving permit for 12 months after arriving in NZ. (The licence must be translated into accurate English by an accredited translator). Before 12 months is up, she must convert it to a NZ licence. She will need a theory test and maybe a practical driving test as well. There is lots of information about licences and other things to do with driving and vehicles from the NZ Transport Agency fact sheets which are on the website www.nzta.govt.nz. Or available from the CAB office.

The Citizen’s Advice Bureau Hamilton provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria St (Mon-Fri 8.45am-5pm), 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am-4.30pm), Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm) and the Cowshed at the University (Thurs 11-1pm). They also have legal and consumer services available where you can get more specialized help. Book an appointment at WSU. Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB) or look at the CAB website www.cab.org.nz

e c a f r u e Yo r e h s e go

President

Vice President

Director

Director

Yo go ur f es ac he e re

Director

Director

Vice President Maori

Director

Director

Director

Director

It’s election time again!

The WSU will be holding an election for the 2013 Board of Directors on Monday 20 th, Tuesday 21st and Wednesday 22nd August. Positions include the President, the Vice-President, the Vice-President Maori, and 8 Directors. You must be a member of the WSU to stand for election, or to nominate a candidate. Information packs and nomination forms are available from the WSU office.

Important dates: Nominations open – Monday 23rd July Nominations close – Friday 3rd August Campaigning period – Monday 6th August to Friday 17th August Election – Monday 20th, Tuesday 21st and Wednesday 22nd August Counting – Thursday 23rd August Preliminary results – Friday 24th August Special votes counted – by Friday 7th September Official results published in Nexus – Monday 10th September The Directors assume office on 1st January and need to be available from that date. If you are elected you will need to

plan time for a regular Board meeting (especially during term time, normally up to 2 hrs), preparation and reading time, campaigns and activities to highlight various issues, research, consultation and focus groups, committees, and office time.

In addition you will also be expected to attend induction training at the WSU office in November and December.

Service as a Director of the Board is voluntary, but it does have its rewards such as fun and good times at our various events and activities, satisfaction of helping other people, experience of committee meetings, research and focus groups, meeting some great new people, it looks good on your CV, a small financial honorarium. Further information is available from the WSU office.

If you are thinking of standing for election it is worth asking yourself: am I committed to the broad vision and mission of the WSU? Can I contribute the time necessary to be an effective Board member?

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K E E W O E R S C I P IIN