Nexus Issue 14, 2013

ISSUE 14, VOLUME 45

15 july 2013

REO2013 IN PICTURES. MEAT PIE MILE, KEEP THE CAR & MORE...

BOGAN AND KIWI IDENTITY.

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Are “Legal highs” ruining drugs for the rest of us?

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contents

Editorial Team Editor Alix Higby editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Deputy Editors Louise Hutt & Jess Edmonds-Saunders louise@nexusmag.co.nz jess@nexusmag.co.nz News Editor zanian steele news@nexusmag.co.nz Online Editor Alix Higby online@nexusmag.co.nz

Graphic Designer Haylie Gray design@nexusmag.co.nz

Managing Editor James Raffan james@nexusmag.co.nz

Advertising Advertising Manager Tony Arkell ads@nexusmag.co.nz

Contributors C-Ball, Kathlene Cook, Daniel Petersen, Matt Hicks, Morgahna Godwin, HP, Danyell Summers, Dr Richard Swainson, Dr Burton C Bogan, Jess Molina, Caitlin Ashworth, Kelsey Weld, Tony Stevens, Gil Denny, Amber, Nate Ross, Lara Brock, Hoss and Ayman Aneece, Emma Knapp and Aaron Letcher

Print Fusion Print

Nexus Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus magazine, the WSU, Printers, the editor or any of our advertisers.

Ground Floor, Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton online nexusmag.co.nz facebook.com/nexusmagNZ @waikatostudents

issue 14 / VOLUME 45 / 15 julY / 2013 News

[3] News.

[5] University news.

[6] Sports thoughts.

[7] Left vs Right.

[8] Not News.

Opinion

[10] Third Degree + Guest Rant [11] Random Profile Top 10.

[12] Lettuce to the Editor.

Entertainment and Reviews

[14] Film, Gig & Café review.

Horoscopes [15] Book, Comic & Album review.

Horoscopes [16] @Honest_Matt Meets...

Gig Guide.

[17] Eight Ball.

Cool Not Cool.

[18] Puzzles [20] Feature - The Bogan Black Sheep: Bogans and our National Identity.

[22] Feature - The Highs and Lows of the Campaign to Ban “Legals”.

[24] Feature - REO 2013 Pics

Lifestyle

[26] Auteur + Crime Map [27] Little Beer Corner + 50 Shades of Gay [28] Story Time + Diary of a Single Girl [29] The After Life + Making Living Cheaper [30] Religiousity + Google This [31] REO Nights [32] A Sea of Opportunity [34] Alice & Anne + Trendspotting + SSC [35] Arts - Lara Brock

WSU

[38] President’s Column + Veeps

1

Editorial

Editorial

Highlight Reel

By Alix Higby

this week in nexus // Pg: 20

Tall Poppies and your friendship circle, or how to be good at life even if someone else is good-er.

It’s a fine line to walk, that between being humble and proud. When we accomplish something we’ve worked hard on, or in the case of most students; totally fluked in three hours before deadline, we want to share our disbelief and pleasant surprise. We’ve done something that we feel deserves recognition of some sort or the other, but who wants to toot their own horn? Unfortunately, our friends can be dicks full of jealous rage at times. Being an immature 20-something, I’ve had a few relationships disintegrate over this

to lack of assignment induced panic, and graduate with a degree you are proud of… this does not resign someone else to a C- in psychology and no real lasting college friendships.

So while the tall poppy in your life basks in the daylight, you have two options. You can either turn away and hatch a plan to disavow any and all of their achievements, or realise that there is enough sun for everyone (for the next few million years anyway) and that somebody else’s life path has little to no bearing on yours. Congratulate them on their promotion or wedding or week-long bender.

Whatever it is that you’re working hard at,

“It’s time to consider the fact that our successful and happy friends are models of inspiration rather than ironic poster kids of our own emotional baggage we’d prefer to hide under the staircase.” tall poppy phenom in the past, and I honestly think bagging on people for their admirable behaviour is as ridiculous as creating a political party to serve the concerns of white people. Yes, you are ridiculous. What do you think National stands for?

I’ve been there. You’ve been there. Either she’s been blessed with socially desirable genetic coding, or he’s collected a series of outrageous life stories based off the back of all the chances you didn’t take. Neither of these scenarios diminishes your character, or anything that you can offer the world. As shitty as they can make you feel inside your sad little head.

Life is not a zero-sum game. If you decide to wake up and go to class, begin your assignments early, still have time to socialise due 2

it’s nice to know that your friends recognise your hard work or inherent natural talent and are proud of your person. Life is a shit-storm most of the time, especially in this kind of jobless climate where the zero-sum game really exists… so celebrate successes as the precious stones that they are.

Bogan Pride Burton C. Bogan on bogan and kiwi identity.

Are they one and the same?

// Pg: 22

Legal Drugs We bust some common drug-related myths to help you decide if it’s really worth the trip. // Pg: 24

REO2013 in pictures.

Out and about last week? You may have made it to our two-page spread. // Pg: 03

--->

New News!

It’s time to consider the fact that our successful and happy friends are models of inspiration rather than ironic poster kids of our own emotional baggage we’d prefer to hide under the staircase. The success of one person does not tarnish that of another. One day you will be successful and you’ll wonder where all your friends are.

Alix

We’ve changed the way we do things in the news department. Now featuring quotes, numbers, and more opinion. // Pg: 28 Story Time: HP shares his entry in the Sunday News Short Story Contest. Now if they print it we can sue them!

NEWS

300

11 NEWS

The Number of employees Fonterra will axe WSU Directors in Hamilton. including a President and 22,000 veeps you can The Human Hair strands now elect as required to make a bra Nominations people shot dead entirely out of hair. opened this week. in cairo uprising last week.

53

50,984 435

People had liked the people Wounded in Pakeha party by th the same conflict. Wednesday, July 10 .

100,000

15

Centimetres of snow accumulated the dollar value Reang Lork, and his ex on desert Noeuk Lork were charged with defrauding road last from the Ministry of Social Development. week.

3

NEWS

In Defence of David The imminent Labour Party leadership coup has been discussed extensively everywhere from talkback to twitter, with each journalist, blogger or partisan random spouting an opinion about the potential leadership contestants and the date of the contest.

The way in which David Shearer has been treated by the media extends beyond unkind to unprofessional. The constant attempts to cast dispersion on Shearer’s leadership prospects and ability have largely been unjustified and invalid; indeed I would suggest that all this talk of coups has drummed up public tolerance to the idea and spurred Shearer’s detractors into action.

David Shearer is a former New Zealander of the year, he has worked for the UN putting his life at risk everyday to facilitate aid for civilians in war torn nations. Objectively Shearer is a good man, more than that he is a hero, whose humanitarian work puts him on par with men like Sir Edmund Hillary.

Shearer fits well into the center of NZ politics, a man to the right of Labour he would have broad appeal had the media ever given him a chance. Politically the tide has turned, and the left wing sentiment seems to be shifting against Shearer. If he is replaced, it is likely that we will find ourselves lamenting in guilty reflection , having dragged a good man through the mud.

Pakeha Party shows support for Ignorance.

Last week social media erupted after the sudden formation of potential political entity, the Pakeha Party. With 50,000 Facebook likes in a few days, it garnered enough online attention to cause 10 of your palest wealthy friends to shriek and nod in amusement. Designed with the apparent intention of “equal rights and benefits for all races”, and the insistence that it is in fact NOT racist, the Pakeha party has gathered a proportionate amount of disdain from people who have actually read the Treaty of Waitangi. Founder, David Ruck, admits

A Thousand Words Supporters of deposed Egyptian president Mohamed Mursi mourn protesters who died during clashes with army soldiers as they touch blood on the ground in Cairo.

Image by: ASMAA WAGUIH / REUTERS

4

“to be honest I don’t even know when the next election is”, is upfront about his lack of knowledge of New Zealand History, and says he only recently discovered the meaning of “Pakeha”. He created the page in response to a Mana party announcement on a housing policy for Maori. He was not aware they also had a planned housing policy for non-Maori.

All in all, at least he’s honest – and racism aside, that’s what we really want in a leader. Right?

Key Dates for the Waikato Students Union The WSU will hold its election for the 2014 Board of Directors on Monday 12th, Tuesday 13th and Wednesday 14th August 2013. This is to avoid a clash with the University election for student member of Council. Nominations opened on Monday 15th July and close on Friday 26th July.

The official campaigning period will be Monday 29th July to Friday 9th August.

NEWS

UNI BLUES AwARDS NOMINATIONS OPEN NEWS Nominations for the 2013 Wallace Corporation University of Waikato Blues Awards are now open.

The Blues are given to students who demonstrate excellence in either sport or the creative or performing arts. Self-nominations are welcome. www.waikato.ac.nz/events/blues

A SEMESTER GRADES FINAL 2013 A Semester grades will be final on Monday 15 July. Students are not permitted to discuss their grades with lecturers until after the grades are final. The final date to submit Review of Grade applications is Monday 29 July. Students may apply for a copy of their exam scripts at $10.00 per paper. www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/examinations

GET SORTED FOR B SEMESTER

NZ BLOOD ON cAMPUS

Make sure you get your enrolments sorted quickly. If you are adding or changing papers for B Semester, you need to go online and do a Change of Enrolment via iWaikato by the end of this week. If you need help, go to the Student Administration desk on level 2 of the Student Centre.

The New Zealand Blood Service will be at the Uni Rec Centre from Monday 15 to Thursday 18 July between 10am and 2.30pm each day.

Make an appointment online or just drop in.

Make sure to eat and drink first, and bring

PUBLIc LEcTURE Professor Neil Boister from Te Piringa – Faculty of Law will give his Inaugural Professorial Lecture, What’s going on with Kim Dotcom? on Tuesday 23 July at 6pm in the Academy.

Opus bar open from 5pm.

©Fairfax Media

along suitable ID. www.nzblood.co.nz

ADULT LEARNERS’ wEEk AwARDS OPEN Nominations for the Vice Chancellor’s Adult Learners’ Awards are now open.

If you know an adult student who deserves recognition for their efforts, achievements and contributions toward study, nominate them for an award now. www.waikato.ac.nz/go/adultlearnersweek

5 A

NEWS

SPORTS THOUGHTS The Beauty of the Beast - C-Ball explains why you shouldn’t fix something that isn’t broken.

Before the National Rugby League season progresses any further, we need to understand and accept that the Warriors didn’t just pay a winger far too much money when they resigned Manu Vatuvei. They invested in one of the best role models the game has to offer.

Since Vatuvei signed a two year contract extension and became one of the longest serving Warriors in the process, Rugby League have barked on unceasingly like a pack of blind but rabid dogs, suggesting he isn’t worth it. The general consensus is that Vatuvei patrols the flanks, makes too many mistakes, doesn’t score enough tries anymore and generally just doesn’t do much. These people are wrong.

Some fans have even gone as far to suggest Vatuvei belongs elsewhere. If not at another club, but in the second row. This is despite already having crucified him for being prone to error and questioning his decision making skills. Fans are saying he screws up more often than any other player in the NRL, even when he’s touching the ball less than every other player.

Naturally, these fans actually think moving Vatuvei to the second row is a good idea. They ignore the fact that this means he will touch the ball even more.

They ignore the fact that he will have to take the ball to a congested line of defenders routinely, and deal with the pressures of being expected to offload and make something out of nothing, set after set. It doesn’t make sense.

Make no mistake. In 2013 Manu Vatuvei has been a key part of the Warriors’ revival, both on and off the field. He’s made eleven errors in the NRL to date, which adds up to just over one a game. Shocking, I 6

know. His error prone ways are downright disgusting when you look at some other stars of the game, like Manly’s workhorse Jamie Lyon. He’s made fifteen errors, and English poster boy Sam Burgess has made fourteen himself. Yet no one seems to bother putting the magnifying glass on them. It seems as though every time Vatuvei drops the ball, the blind regain their sight, if but for a moment.

In Manu Vatuvei, the Warriors have surely secured one of the greatest role models the game currently has to offer. And what a time to do it, because I can’t remember having ever read an article involving the Beast drunk, in town being a menace, driving his car intoxicated or groping women and avoiding training to drink vodka cruisers and abuse instagram. Manu Vatuvei has never embarrassed the fans, or this nation.

The Warriors have extended the contract of one of the most devastating players on the field, and at the same time, one of the most gentle and reserved off of it. He embodies every single value the Warriors and every other NRL club should hope to encourage.

Manu Vatuvei is dedicated and loyal, friendly, confident despite the horrors of an Eels game many years ago, obviously loving to his club, and generally the consummate professional. He might not be the best public speaker, but in my opinion that just makes him more human. It shows kids in this country actions speak louder than words, because people love Manu Vatuvei for who he is and how he’s conducted himself, not what he says.

He’s likely to spend the rest of the game burning with desire, a grimace of dedication and determination painted across his face, tearing into the defensive line ball in hand to right that wrong and get something done for his team.

vs

Left

Left vs Right THIS WEEK’S TOPIC: ‘The Man Ban’

Upon David Shearer’s request the 50% female gender quota proposed by Labour last week has been dropped. The proposal dubbed the ‘man ban’ would have seen 45% female representation in the Labour caucus by 2014 and 50% by 2017.

Like the Shearer leadership question, this issue has arguably been overdramatized in place of more serious ones pertaining to proposed domestic spying legislation.

In reality the proposed changes were only a part of a wider proposal to tackle the issue of poor female representation and if it were accepted, would only come into effect after it was accepted at the Party’s conference.

The treatment of Julia Gillard, former Labour Prime Minister of Australia has highlighted the challenges that still face women in politics and it is clear that an element of sexism persists in Australasian politics. Though a landmark suggestion, a gender quota would only affect the make-up of Labour’s caucus and would have no wider ramifications for the number of females in parliament, furthermore based upon the current number of MP’s, the policy would only mean another 3 female MP’s.

This issue can join the Y2K bug, the North Korean Arms race and weapons of mass destruction on the long list of issues that have been blown dramatically out of proportion by the media. Gender inequality is a problem, a self evident problem that only the get-back-in-the-kitchen conservative far right neglect to accept. The talk about gender quotas was a part of a wider discussion about gender inequality in politics, it had never been wholly accepted by the caucus and it was prematurely dragged into the limelight and butchered.

The discussion about gender inequality was one that the membership of the Labour Party endeavored to have in private, a place where dissenting views help shape robust policy rather than act of a beacon signaling disunity. National, the Greens, NZF and all the rest have these private conversations, disagreement is a part of this process, it’s not indicative of weakness in the Labour Party and the dropping of this policy does not indicate guilt, it is evidence rather of Labour acknowledging a significant social

Politically correct nonsense, that’s all this policy was, a puff of smoke and steam cast out by the wayside after sanity returned to the left. There is a self evident lack of women in parliament, but a 50% gender quota on labours list and electorate candidates constitutes a stab at the heart of what equality truly is.

problem, discussing it and then coming to a conclusion. Labour wants more women MP’s, but there was never united support for the ‘man ban’. Those members of the party that chose to support gender quotas are not ‘man hating feminazis’, they are genuine people who are greatly about equality, whose suggestion would not lead to a mass influx of women at the expense of men, in reality we are talking about only 3-4 more female MPs. Those who oppose quotas are concerned that gender may override merit, either way neither party are anti-men or anti-merit, any suggestions to the contrary are not grounded in fact.

Labour is fresh and flexible, this whole drama shows that Labour has both a strong social conscience but is also willing to listen to the will of the people as opposed to the national party which has constantly ignored the population on asset sales.

‘Man ban’ aside we want more women in parliament and the left does not suffer the crippling cowardice that the right has in the face of this issue.

presented to the electorate, what else can be expected. Labour should have kept this under wraps until it had a clear consensus.

As a policy the ‘man ban’ lived a very short life, Shearer in a sensible move scrapped the plan in an effort to save his party at the polls.

RIGH

The proposal was due to be discussed at the Labour Party’s annual conference but was subsequently dropped after a negative response from the public, with survey polls indicating that most New Zealanders opposed the proposal due to concerns that a quota would place gender before merit.

There has been significant division on this issue within the party’s membership, which is to be expected since the discussion and dissent are often the process by which Party policy (for both major parties) is formulated.

NEWS

The left and right fight constantly over economic issues, but when it comes to gender equality, the elimination of discrimination, I find that there is generally a consensus between the sides. Cam Slater and Farrar along with a whole host of Government MP’s got behind marriage equality and for the opposition to then say that the government was a pack of dude bro misogynists grossly mischaracterizes what the right is about. The appointment of Claudette Hauiti (National Party list), a Maori Lesbian to parliament is further evidence that the right does not discriminate. Male or female, merit is the only thing that counts. Labour would set gender above merit, there is no other way at looking at this ‘man ban’ silliness, plain and simple it would result in able males being turned away in favour of females. If gender inequality is the problem, surely the solution is not to institutionalize inequality.

I admit that this is an internal Labour policy and one that should not have been dragged through the mud by the mainstream media, but when such a foolhardy policy is

7

NEWS

NOT NEWS WTF: Waikato Time Focus

UB40 Star Creates Dalek For A Day Future Paradox Bankrupt UB40 Star Brian Travers is now making his living in a UB40 covers band. A broke Brian said that the only other option available to him was being the head judge on New Zealand’s Got Talent and you would have to be a desperate fame whore for that.

The decision doesn’t just impact Travers, upon hearing the story 66% of all Jonas brothers started to bleed from the ears and cried “stop, stop it’s like looking into my future.”

London papers began to report the day Prince Charles officially went Dalek. At a recent Doctor Who celebration the once and future king of all Britannia turned to the crowd and said “Exterminate, Exterminate” borrowing the classic line from both the daleks and his namesake Charles the 1st of Britain who would yell it at every Scotsman he saw. Doctor Who show runner was so impressed he is thinking of writing Charles into the show. And for those of you playing ‘a year with Chuck” at home that makes “days as a Dalek: One” and “Days as a silver spoon fed, divorced, mummy’s boy with abandonment issues which were likely a consequence of generations of inbreeding: 364”

Headlines from the Waikato Times.

1. ‘Man ban’ canned Whoever wrote this headline about Labour’s “women only” policy should get hit in the head with a glass ceiling.

2. Boy, 10, flees would-be abductor Did we need to know he’s 10 in the headline? The boy fleeing an abductor wasn’t impressive when we thought he was 11 or 12 but now we know he’s ten...

3. PM: Our spying is legal Yeah because aside from everything he has ever said or done why wouldn’t we trust him?

4. Insurers on alert for fake claims How is this news? Shouldn’t they always be on alert for fake claims?

5. Clooney back on the market This REALLY ISN’T NEWS

6. Shot man a gun fan A former soldier effectively committing suicide by cop when he opens fire in a crowded area is a tragedy. But hey, at least the headline rhymes. Surely that is the important thing.

8

In Animal Sex News 1 Nexus Not News would like to welcome Fanana the newest male Giraffe flown to our shores by way of Tasmania. Fanana was brought over to service the four existing female Giraffes at Auckland International Zoo. This is both a positive and a negative for Auckland. On the one side happier Giraffes make happier audiences. On the other side every mother who visits has a one in five chance they are going to have to explain to their kid why the Giraffe is making the orgasm face. Again we want to welcome Fanana. Just by being an animal that services up to five females a day it has gotten closer to playing for the Chiefs than most of us ever will.

In Animal Sex News 2 A Wellington pub is offering syringes loaded with stag semen mixed with kiwifruit liqueur and yoghurt, as part of its entry into a wild food challenge. The Roaring Stag as it’s called is all provided by a seven year old Stag named Hannibal. There is little news value here it just serves as proof that David Bennett really will drink anything put in front of him.

Alta Vista Is Dead When we heard the news that they shut down Alta Vista on Monday we were shocked. We had no idea Alta Vista still existed. If you are born after 1985 you may not get that joke or know what Alta Vista is.....you should google it.

MEME OF THE WEEK

THIS WEEK ON TWITTER...

HATES RACIST POLITICAL PARTIES Jesse Mulligan @JesseMulligan Lead factoid on Expedia’s Kiwi holiday survey: “Summer is the preferred season for a beach holiday” Lena Dunham @lenadunham OK, now I believe she’s crazy RT @ GossipCop Amanda Bynes Calls Barack & Michelle Obama “Ugly”

STARTS PAKEHA PARTY

Cheryl Cole @CherylCole Would you believe me if I told you I just had a friendly encounter with a pap he asked me for a picture w him & a follow on instagram lol!

NiC0LE P0LiZZi @snooki FYI my boo @JENNIWOWW got hacked. So if they tweet vulgar things (even tho jenni would do that) it’s not her . #creeps Dane Cook @DaneCook I love shopping online. I just bought an Apache helicopter.

Emma Watson @EmWatson I just got rid of my sofa and replaced it with a ping pong table. I think this is the best decision I have made in months.#gameon!

Fletch @carlfletcher Robbie Deans is going home #xfactor If you put the number 2000 after Timomatic’s name, it would sound like a sweet vacuum cleaner. #xfactornz JWOWW @JENNIWOWW “@JadekKroll: @JENNIWOWW what was the name of the website you order out doggy car seats from? They looked amazing” http://dog.com Jaime Ridge @JaimeRidge24 Personally, I think a degree and a good education would have to be one of the greatest long term assets one can ever have. @TheJamieLee I do laundry so infrequently that anything not filthy feels fancy. “Woah two clean socks? What is this, prom night!?”

9

oPINION

THIRD DEGREE GUEST RANT Exchange Student Edition 01_ What was the highlight of REO2013?

02_ Are you for or against the Pakeha party?

03_ Have you ever taken legal drugs?

Jake 23, LLB.

01_

The singers from The X Factor, I went on Tuesday.

02_

Mixed, I’m not sure yet, I don’t know much about it.

03_

Nah.

In our first of a series of local council hopeful guest rants we hear from council candidate Anjum Rahman about making a difference with your vote.

Local body issues tend to sound pretty boring. Even though they relate to things that impact our day to day lives, such as our water supply, roads, footpaths, sewerage systems, rubbish collection, sports grounds, parks, libraries, museums, theatres and public transport system. Everyone wants all of these things to be working well.

But it’s hard to get people excited about them. This is why only 38% of those eligible bother voting in local body elections – the percentage is even lower for young people. It doesn’t help that there are three dif-

“If you want society to develop in a way that works for you, then you need to be involved...”

Javiel 21, Cup course

01_ All the babes in onesies.

02_ For. They’re underrepresented.

03_ No. Actually.

Declan 21, Graphic Design

01_ Absolutely nothing.

02_ For. They need someone to finally speak for them.

03_ Never. Illegal or legal.

ferent entities to vote for, each with a large number of candidates.

So, many people don’t bother. Yet the power to force change can only come from political participation. If you want society to develop in a way that works for you, then you need to be involved with the institutions that draw up the rules and that decide on how money is raised and spent.

It’s pretty easy to fall into the trap of thinking we can’t make a difference; that one person’s vote won’t count. But the collective votes of a group of people do count, especially when they make informed decisions.

It’s up to you.

Anjum Rahman

10

OPINION

RANDOM PROFILE

TOP TEN Top Ten Reasons to stay in this paper.

10_

Lecturer’s assignments start with

the instruction “Write How You Feel”.

Eden Roberts

09_ How else are you going to get

X Factor Starlet and genuinely nice human being Eden Roberts took a Bus down here with her guitar to play at REO and do a random profile. That’s right Nexus Nemesis Jamie “Friend of Jaws” McDell, if you really cared about the environment you wouldn’t have driven down to play.

What was the best thing about being on X Factor?

Meeting all the awesome and inspiring people.

And the hardest thing?

Getting judgment from everyone; the music was fun, but judgment was hard haha.

What is your favourite X-Factor Story?

The guy with all the chickens! That was So good! (I’m also taking care of some chickens myself at the moment).

Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?

A leg.

What are you most looking forward to this RE O Week?

Suppose I should say the whole thing

as I am organizing it. The Mid-Winter Christmas feast is gonna be primo!! iPhone or Android? iPhone (don’t tell X Factor) What was the last album you bought?

Florence & The Machine, Ceremonials.

paid for the weed you sold them in Re-O’week.

08_

Five words “There are no wrong answers”.

07_

06_

If you can find another class that teaches you to make P...

What are you doing now?

Recording, releasing an album and building a fan base.

Because you’re in early childhood education no other faculty will take you seriously, keep finger painting champ.

If you could pick three acts to headline a concert (living or dead) who would the be and why?

Living or dead? Then let’s for a wide range here! Mozart, Hendrix, Sigur Ros. Because.. They are the BEST at what they do. (Or did). That concert would blow anyone’s mind.

05_

Wintec is already closed.

Would you rather be the first person to make contact with aliens, discover bigfoot or find Atlantis?

I’d go with the Aliens... Not sure how that would happen but it would be pretty trippy. Could sample their voices to use in an alien remix.

02_ That girl you went home with is in

04_ Stalkers are probably too late to

enrol right?

03_ Because you never want to see a

course advisor again.

your tutorial, best to wait.... just to check.

01_

Lilf - It’s like milf but well... you know.

11

OPINION

LETTUCE TO THE EDITOR. Nexus loves getting your letters. We also love it if they are funny, intelligent and well written. Mainly we will be happy if you keep them under 250 words, it saves us having to cut them down. Please remember to give us a real name when you send them in even if you want to write with an alias. Email us at Lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz or... facebook.com/nexusmagNZ

Less of a Lettuce, more of a good idea.

Hey Nex, just wondering if you’d be open to having a small segment in the mag on car-pooling/ rideshare for students?? There are heaps of us always looking for rides to/from Uni, and there are those of us heading home in the weekends, so it would lighten the burden on the wallet now that gas is ridiculously fricken poo...!! I do realise that there’s already a Moodle page dedicated to this but it’s not well known to the average student & Nexus is always readily on-hand to all of us.

Please consider it, thanks :-)

#nexuslettuce.

Huge! is hosting some mean post-Re:OWeek events for you. If you’re from College Hall we have a 90s Flashback Games Night at 7.30PM in the dining hall. Come in your fancy 90s gear and we’ll take care of the old school games. If you’re not from College Hall, you won’t be missing out. We are ‘Live at Momento’ on Wednesday, 17 July. We’ve got live performances by our Huge! team, spot prizes and great coffee. That’s 7.30PM at Uni Momento by the Village Green. // Huge! is the students and young adults of ARISE Church in Hamilton. Our services are every Sunday at 10am & 5pm at Hamilton Girls’ High School Arts and Cultural Centre. We’d love to have you there so have free buses to take you to HGHS. The FREE Huge! bus leaves from the Uni Gate 2A at 9.30AM & 4.30PM every Sunday. See you there!

Someone praising little known and publicity starved show Game of Thrones.

What the shit is up with Bar 101 and Outback coming up with the same lame ass O- Week parties time after time after time? O week is the one week where it is acceptable to be drunk Monday-Sunday, miss all of your lectures and do your bit to ensure Hamilton is #1 in the world for Chlamydia again.

I did some maths and like 10,000 students all spending their course related costs at Bar 101 & Outback gives them enough money to rival the local synagogue. Put some bloody effort in Lawrenson group.

I realise that I’m a little behind on the bandwagon but I have officially joined that group of people who are medium to seriously obsessed with Game of Thrones. You know the people I’m talking about about. They post links on Facebook of other fan’s filmed reactions, excited comments about the release of episodes every monday until a season finale and don’t even get me started with the onslaught of I’m-in-withdrawl status’ that Season 4 won’t be aired until 2014.

-S

Right now, I’m actually watching Game of Thrones in awe that such a series has taken over and become so popular. Why though?

Less of a Lettuce more of a shameless promo.

Carrying on from the Re:O-Week action 12

I guess that’s what sets GoT apart: it’s raw, graphic and vulgar screenplay is not typical of shows that you see nowadays and additionally to that, the unpredictability of the multiple plot lines mean that you’re on edge, addicted, and constantly craving more. Kinda like a moth & flame. Or a methhead & P. Or Daniel Farrell & volunteer jobs (seriously, check out his Linked In profile).

Just a heads up: Everyone you love will die.

And the people you hate won’t. Although personally, I’ve started to take a liking to the little imp, Tyrion Lannister. (Haha puns). Hopefully they don’t kill him off.

If you haven’t already started watching Game of Thrones, DO IT. No one hates Game of Thrones. Except for maybe ACT on Campus.

They hate everyone and everything.

You won’t regret it. #officiallyhooked Yeah, just WATCH ME use hashtags in @ nexusmag.

It’s just an opinion.

Car Dude

Rant disguised as a Lettuce.

Nudity. Seriously! The first three episodes of season one contain about 5 sex scenes and yet the first on screen *kiss* only occurs in episode three. Almost the opposite to what you’d expect from a 21st Century TV show where there’s usually lots of kissing and little to no sex.

A friend of mine recently summarised GoT as “A well crafted story line, beautifully shot, making you want to see more every episode.”

I added to this with two words: Boobs &

Hey Lauren (?)

Read your lettuce last week so went and saw what Matt wrote. Sounds to me like he was just trying to help and you gotta little defensive.. Maybe instead of arguing point by point what he said you should just take it n the spirit he obviously meant it and fix some of the issues.

A fan of stuff

DISCLAIMER Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.

Nexus

THE UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO – BREAKING BARRIERS TO LEARNING

NOMINATIONS OPEN FOR ADULT LEARNERS’ AWARDS Nominations are now open for the Vice-Chancellor’s Adult Learners’ Awards. Do you know any adult learners who deserve recognition for the challenges they have overcome, their efforts, achievements and contributions, and outstanding attitude to study? Nominate them today!

Nominees must be: » At least 25 years old » Enrolled at the University of Waikato, either full- or part-time (and a current B Semester student) » Studying towards the completion of an undergraduate tertiary qualification.

Nomination forms and eligibility criteria can be downloaded from www.waikato.ac.nz/go/adultlearnersweek All nominations must be received no later than 5pm on Monday 12 August. The awards will be presented during Adult Learners’ Week, 2-6 September 2013.

There’s no stopping you E kore e taea te aukati i a koe

www.waikato.ac.nz/go/adultlearnersweek

13

entertainment & reviews

LIDO CINEMA film

pay & cafÉ

White Lies Rating: Considering that the last major adaptation of a Witi Ihimaera story ended up with Academy Award nominations, White Lies has a lot of live up to. Like Whale Rider, White Lies also features the acting debut of a Maori actress but instead of Keisha Castle-Hughes, it is well known singer-songwriter Whirimako Black.

White Lies is a colonial drama about a medicine woman, played by Black, who decides to help a wealthy woman, played by Antonia Prebble, in hiding a secret.

The cinematography is beautiful and truly shows the director’s love for New Zealand.

Dana Rotberg is Mexican, and was inspired to live in New Zealand after seeing Whale Rider.

A large majority of the movie is in Maori and it was excellent to see a New Zealand film spoken in our indigenous language. The film is funded by the New Zealand Film Commission and New Zealand On Air, so it’s nice to see that the GC didn’t take up all the budget.

Black gives an excellent performance, however some of her motivations can seem to come out of nowhere; a writing issue more than one with the performance. The themes of life, death and secrets are intertwined within the movie and its characters and it is refreshing to see a movie based around women without being about men. Finally, a 2013 movie that passes the Bechdel test.

Mavis & Co GIG

Knees of Fury After Party Rating: Sometimes when things get pretty busy, the last thing you want to do is to brave the cold and party. I thought I had my weekend planned – in bed by 9pm with a book and a glass of milk recuperating from being a bit sick in the last few days. However sometimes the best laid plans don’t happen so when a friend convinced me to go to out, I did. Talk about peer pressure! I’m glad I did because I would have missed out on a great night and would be forever living with serious FOMO (fear of missing out).

There was quite a few gigs happening that night and it was good timing that Dj Sir Vere and Young Sid was in town along with some of Htown’s local acts. First off. . . Dj Sir Vere.

Do I even have to explain this? His presence alone was enough. And then he started his set. . . let’s just say moves I didn’t know I could do happened.

Rating: As you turn off the road on the corner of Bridge Street and Grey Street there is a small, mint green, building nestled in a crammed car park. After nabbing a parking spot, you are greeted by a petite and freshly coloured structure, which is adorned with the words, ‘Mavis & Co: Catering, Condiments, Bakery.’

Stepping inside you are faced with an immense selection of cupcakes, slices, cakes and meringues, both simple and extravagant.

It can literally be described as glorious eye candy.

Aside from the numerous and fantastic looking treats, there are savoury options too, ranging from delicious Hungarian style bread to lush Jewish pasties. The atmosphere is inviting, even with the bustle of activity. Gazing around at the decorations and mis-matched furniture, the place can only be described as a bit ‘kooky.’ Although, it does give you something to look at while you wait in queue to make your order from the friendly staff.

It’s heartfelt, educational, and better than The GC so go see it, that way more New Zealand films can get funded instead of “scripted reality” nonsense.

Then there was Young Sid of hip-hop group Smashproof. He sure did get the crowd going (and the girls looking)! As I’ve already mentioned, some of Htown’s talent were also present. Winston Anthony opened the show and as always, performed like music was his every being. Francis Lindell, Grafton Mark, Antonio, and L.O.V.E. were also in attendance!

Looking to satisfy our sweet tooth, we make a quick selection of two hot chocolates, ginger pistachio slice and a slice of lemon yoghurt cake to share. The price may leave a cavity in your bank account’s gleaming smile, but it is well worth it. We take the only available seats as the lunch-time rush is at its peak. Our hot chocolates arrive swiftly, along with marshmallows and thin bar of chocolate, bonus!

Sipping the hot and creamy drink, it was only a matter of time before our fresh and yummy desserts were devoured too.

Louise Hutt

For an unplanned night, it sure was worth it!

Julia Jeanplong

ARIES

taurus

gemini

(21 mar - 20 apr)

(21 apr - 21 may)

(22 may - 21 june)

Love is in the air this week. Love sure does smell a lot like Lynx body spray and cigarettes.

Instead of asking yourself “why do people hate me?” try asking yourself “Why have I got my hand up for the fourth time in this lecture, do people really need to hear my opinion on everything?”

Beware of strangers with candy, unless it’s really good candy.

HOROSCOPES

14

entertainment & reviews

album

Brass Tactics David Byrne and St Vincent Rating:

BOOK

The Wind Up Girl Paolo Bacigalupi

MARK ONE COMIC

Batman: Year 100

Rating:

Paul Pope with Jose Villarrubia

The Wind Up Girl is set in a future where genetic engineering has led to species extinctions and ruined crops, with only the seeds sold by Calorie Companies able to survive the ravages of engineered diseases they themselves created.

Rating:

Emiko is a clock-work girl, a genetically engineered human slave, designed to be beautiful and obedient. Abandoned by her owner, she is ends up in a brothel, where she is paraded as a less-than-human sex toy through onstage humiliation and abuse, at the mercy of the one of other prostitutes. And then, she meets Anderson Lake, a foreigner masquerading as a factory owner while stealing genetic material for the Calorie Companies.

The Wind Up Girl tells the stories of several people trying to survive in this engineered wasteland, with their paths crossing in different ways. There are some good plot twists, and opportunities for characters to redeem themselves, and comes with the added bonus of having nothing that will enrage to the scientist reader.

I didn’t like the relationship between Anderson and Emiko, which had a bit of a creepy vibe, but maybe that’s just me.

Batman: Year 100 takes place close to a century after the last sighting of Batman.

Someone else has taken up the mantle; the Batman, long dismissed as myth, sensationally patrols the streets of Gotham again. The once original mechanic of taking a familiar character and placing him/her in a new era is now anything but, especially in Batman stories, but the dynamic way in which Paul Pope delivers this story is so refreshing that I haven’t read a more original take on Batman in a long time. Year 100 has been compared to the t.v. series ‘24’ and that comparison is extremely concise. The story contains a great cast of characters and a mystery worthy of your attention; after a slowish start the pace builds quickly and it doesn’t stop until the big finale. The action is frenetic and coupled with an artistic flare perfect for the futuristic story; this is a must have Batman story. At the very least Batman: Year 100 proves one thing, that there will always be a Batman!

Daniel Petersen http://www.mk1.co.nz/ www.facebook.com/Mark1Comics

Ex-Talking Head frontman David Byrne is frightening. The man can’t seem to stop working. He has been at the forefront of rock since the mid-70’s and he’s still right at the very top. That’s no small feat. His latest EP is a semi-teaser for his new album with St Vincent and contains new material, live songs and remixes. Oh, and it’s free to download!

The opening track, Cissus, is reminiscent of his analogue sampling he did with Brian Eno in terms of style, mixed and stirred with St Vincent’s more downbeat and stretched out numbers. I guess the best thing I can say about it is that it is nice. Now I know that is hardly complimentary and a very vague term especially when describing music, but its all I’ve got.

Thankfully it’s not all these two have. The rest of the EP is exactly what you hoped it would be: twisting beats, swirling rhythms, groovy bass lines and hooks so catchy they may as well be little toes swinging at yet-to-benoticed obstacles. There is a fantastic duet/ live version of Talking Heads’ mainstay, Road to nowhere. There are horns (care of a brass band), there are synths, there are gorgeous layers and most of all there is a real physical desire for the real thing. The full album is there for people with more money than I, but based on this EP, it’s worth saving up for. Get both from lovethisgiant.com Hp

Erin Doyle

cancer

leo

virgo

(22 june - 23 july)

(24 july - 23 aug)

(24 aug - 23 sep)

Sarah, is this the most romantic way you have ever been asked out? - Dave (Thanks Nexus)

Is it just me or are these horoscopes just repeating the same jokes?

Is it just me or are these horoscopes just repeating the same jokes?

15

entertainment & reviews

@Honest_Matt Meets...

gig guide Hi, welcome to your week after re-oweek gig guide. How are you feeling?

How is your wallet doing? Not over o-week? Wanting to party more? Why so many questions?? Read on. We’ve got you covered!

Wednesday Skint House Bar, 6-9 pm Missed out on the all week Skint deals last week? Not to worry.. bring your id and enjoy some $5 pizza and drink deals!

@Honest_Matt Meets Eden Mulholland and talks about Feed The Beast.

2 for 1 Cocktails All day, Grand Central Cos you’re just a little bit fancy!

Thursday

Hey Eden. How’s life in Melbourne man?

Do you feel the move there has been good for the career?

Melbourne is awesome. We have been there for two years and really started to make it feel like home. We love the arts scene, so many people making interesting art and music.

Being in Melbourne has helped me really concentrate on performing live. I’ve spent the last two years gigging and writing and recording.

How long did your new album ‘Feed the Beast’ take to make?

FTB took 4 days to record and 5 to mix. Most of the songs are inspired by compositions I had written for contemporary dance productions over the past 3/4 years.

I have to ask the obligatory Motocade question. Any chance of the band reforming? What’s Motocade’s current status?

A hah! We never really separated, just a long hiatus between records… We are planning to put out the new record Science Fiction next year!

What are the pros and cons of being a solo artist? Do you miss the collaborative nature of a band or are you happy flying solo?

I guess the difference is that solo is like a compulsion for me, something I can’t not do you know? With the band there are more variables with getting things going but equally as rewarding. Motocade is like a family to me always will be.

Thursday nights with Dj StuE Agenda You haven’t experienced student nightlife until you’ve partied at Agenda on a Thursday!

Teknique Thursdays Static Resident DJs Tayluxxx and Snead Place Project, bringing you great music on Thursday nights!

Friday Xray Fiends, The Sheriffs, Lorraine Downs Syndrome Static, $5 A good ol’ rocking night at Static is not to be missed.

Saturday Electro Static Static, Gold Coin Entry Bevan + guest djs. If there is one thing you need to check out on a Saturday night it’s this!

Any standout tracks on the album you think we really gotta listen out for?

Where is my jealousy is one of my favourites as it might take you by surprise. Also Such a shame you must die is a little tongue in cheek tune.

Read The Full Interview SouNZgood.co.nz Like SouNZgood on Facebook Follow SouNZgood on Twitter @SouNZgood

libra

scorpio

sagittarius

(24 sep - 23 oct)

(24 oct - 22 nov)

(23 nov - 21 dec)

Who ever said you should seize the day never took history at 9am.

Tomorrow will be the best and worst day of your life.

Time is not on your side but we told you that an hour ago.

16

Jess Molina

08 entertainment & reviews

COOL VS NOT COOL

eight ball

tHREE THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME RIGHT NOW AND THREE THINGS THAT AREN’T SO MUCH. COOL

Welcome to the 8 ball. In the depths of my gooey black ass I will answer the secrets OF THE universe. You may not like MY answerS but lets be honest who else is going to tell you the truth, ugly.

Still got time to swap classes.

Is Psychology 101 psyching you out? You can still change!

Will they ever make a equal to Good Will Hunting?

All signs point to get a more interesting life.

Will I still be single at the end of the year?

Only 5 months till summer!

Let the countdown begin...

Yes, yes you will. Why you ask? Because you’re asking someone who is perpetually single. Welcome to the rest of your life. “It gets better”.

Why don’t they make good cartoons any more?

Its called growing up. I’d be concerned if you’re still watching cartoons at this age. But, I admire the fact that you still have some sense of your ‘innocence’.

What age is too old to live with your parents?

Finding out you didn’t get an STD on O Week.

Thank you Student Health Centre.

I’d say 26 and no later. Simply because by that time you should have either obtained a university degree, or failed one, and should have some sort of ‘job’. Or, ‘means of survival’. p.s I heard Hush Hush is hiring.

NOT COOL

Why do guys only use simple text language?

Because simple text language is the best language. Who the fuck wants to complicate shit with ambiguous answers?! I’ll tell you who, noone. ‘Yes’ and ‘no’ people, ‘yes’ and ‘no’.

Re O Week’s Over.

You have to actually turn up to class now.

How many times should you apologise before thinking “fuck it” I am now right?

I am always right so I’m never apologising. But, that’s probably why I have 6 cats and no social life.

Indecisive Weather.

Just rain or don’t!

Will the guys in Bryant ever grow up?

B - Boring R - Rugby Guys Y - Yelling A - At N - No T - Testicles.

Timetables.

Trying to juggle your work roster with your new classes. Ugh.

capricorn

aquarius

pisces

(22 dec - 20 jan)

(21 jan - 19 feb)

(20 feb - 20 mar)

He who hesitates is lost but if you are lost you should probably hesitate.

Today is the day, unless you are reading this yesterday or tomorrow.

Always carry condoms.

17

entertainment & reviews

Puzzle Page Complete the puzzle page, be the first to bring it in and show us, and you’ll win stuff!

Each oval contains a different number 1-11. Follow the clues to find the correct location of each number in the Numerator diagram.

Note: ‘Left’ or ‘Right’ is from your point of view and means any location along the same horizontal line. ‘Above’ or ‘Below’ means any location along the same vertical line.

Clues: Number 1 is below 3 and left of 9.

Number 6 is below 10 and right of 7.

Number 2 is below 8 and left of 11.

Number 7 is above 4 and right of 5.

Number 11 is right of 3.

Across 1. Perspicacious (9) 6. Egg-shaped object (5) 7. Vacuous (5) 9. The night before (3) 10. Display of bad temper (7) 11. Get (7) 14. Large antelope (3) 16. Musical drama (5) 17. Melodies (5) 18. Rife (9)

Down 1. Range (5) 2. Monstrous (9) 3. Trainee (5) 4. Vegetable (5) 5. Cherished desire (5) 8. Hubris (9) 11. Fragrance (5) 12. Picture (5) 13. Minor actor in a crowd scene (5) 15. Distressed (5)

3 letter words EGG ERR

4 letter words ACTS RICE 5 letter words ADAGE GUSTS NOTES PAUSE PEDAL RAPID STEER UNION 6 letter words ENVIED ESSAYS RHYTHM SEESAW

18

7 letter words CADENCE DENSITY EMINENT ENSURED HOUSING IDIOTIC SAPIENT SIGNALS 8 letter words BEVERAGE SANGUINE TANTRUMS ULTIMATE

LIFESTYLE

HILLCREST ower hutt - Special Meal Deal Takeaway / pickup only $40-00 deal 2 double pizzas 1 garlic bread 1 Tenders 1 dessert pizza 1 1-5 litre DRINK

$40 FEAST

ANY 2 DOUBLE PIZZAS 1 X WEDGES 1 x GARLIC BREAD ANY 1.5L DRINK ONLY AVAILABLE AT HELL HILLCREST - 247 CLYDE STREET EXPIRES 11 AUGUST 2013 NOT AVAILABLE IN CONJUNCTION WITH ANY OTHER OFFER SEE TERMS AND CONDITIONS ONLINE

07 856 1666 WEBSITE AND PHONE ORDERS USE THIS CODE WHEN ORDERING:

mega666

0800 666 111

WWW.HELL.CO.NZ

Citizens Advice Bureau New To University?

Do you know where to get help for...?

Consumer problems? Rental problems? Personal problems? Financial problems?

The University of Waikato has a Citizens Advice Bureau on site - the only university in the country to have a CAB. Both students and staff are trained to work there.

Come and visit us by the Printery on the Village Green area - (where all the food shops are.) We are open 11-1pm daily during term time. Call in for a cup of tea and browse the pamphlets we have available.

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about any hassles you might have. Come and speak to the CAB (by the Printery) any time between 11am and 1 pm, Monday to Friday or phone 0800FORCAB.

19

Feature

The Bogan Black Sheep: Bogans and our National Identity

20

feature

Bogans in this country occupy a very strange space or positioning. The term Bogan is one that is used in New Zealand to describe working class Heavy Metal fans. In Australia, the term is used in the same way that rednecks and white trash is used in the States. Perhaps because of its usage and origins over in Australia, there is still a very negative opinion of them here. This is strange given that Bogan typify some extremely Kiwi qualities. There are some very specific qualities that we consider as New Zealand.

When I first received a scholarship to study Bogans in 2007, I got a little media attention.

I was sitting in a local Hamilton bar playing poker and a guy at the table recognised me.

Out of nowhere he turned and asked me “So what is a Bogan?” The guy on the other side of me said “shut up man, that’s what he got all that money for”. Incidentally that’s not why I got my scholarship and not what my thesis is about. Regardless I answered him with “Well it’s someone who’s loyal to their mates, listens to loud music, and loves a BBQ and a beer.”

“But that’s me and I’m not a Bogan. What are you on about man?”

While the guy put me on the spot little, he was kind of right and kind of wrong. He was right largely because I’d left out issues of class and appearance. For example a working class mentality and dressing in a lot of black.

One thing the conversation did make me think about was how Bogans aren’t that much different to the rest of New Zealand, or at least how New Zealand likes to see itself.

For example, bear with me, but New Zealand loves to think that it’s friendly and easy-going, and compared to other countries it might be.

To say otherwise would probably make me the target of something or other. But I can’t argue that visitors to Hamilton have told me how much they love New Zealand for these reasons. Now consider the Bogan and how you can’t get much more easy-going than that.

I was at a gig at Axces on the 5th of July to watch Logic defies Logic and the guys got up there in their shorts and shirt and just played.

No flash clothes, long facial hair, big grins on their faces. If someone who didn’t know what they were walking into went in there they’d wonder what the hell was going on.

The keyboardist and lasers probably wouldn’t help either.

Bogans wear black so that they have something to wipe their hands on when they’re fixing their cars. If you spill your beer, after every other Bogan stops staring at you

in horror, nobody else will notice other than a faint smell of alcohol. To a Bogan that’s a form of deodorant – Eau de Waikato Draught.

They grow mullets for a bunch of reasons, for the most part it’s because it’s easier. Also you don’t want some stranger touching your head or suggesting you stick bits of tin foil in your hair so you look like some Nu-metal singer.

You can’t get more easy-going than that.

New Zealand also prides itself on being the underdog. The country we used to be considered a part of, Australia, is the closest big country next to us. So we love poking it with a stick. We bring up under armed bowlers, how Deans recently got fired, and how while we admit our national bird can’t fly, at least our national animal doesn’t look like the Easter Bunny on steroids. We love the underdog so much that we even created a syndrome for people in our own country that we think get too big for their boots. It’s called Tall Poppy Syndrome. When we took the America’s Cup from America we thought that was the greatest thing ever, we thought that was so awesome we don’t even care that recently we raced ourselves. We could’ve won but if we did we’d mock ourselves, because we think we’re too awesome and we don’t like that. Bogans like the underdog too. Metallica was awesome until they sold lots of albums and now they sound terrible.

Megadeth is great but as soon as someone else likes them they sold out. Then we start talking about how we liked their old stuff before the new stuff. I’m not having a whinge, it’s just strange how these things work, and how people will try and maintain their underdog positioning even when it’s not true.

Then we disown it but still try and sort of acknowledge we like it.

Lastly Bogans love beer and BBQs. But largely beer and, love it or hate it, New Zealand loves beer and has a drinking culture.

TV3 news must have the same footage of drunk students from Otago that they dredge up every year – I’m sure those kids are now 40 or 50 years old but still get used as stock footage. Maybe it’s even more extreme and somewhere there’s some excited 60 year old getting excited reminiscing about the time they could do a yardy without pooping a little.

quiet beer in the back yard to celebrate, the neighbours will still probably be hiding under the bed with their fingers in their ears waiting for Bon Scott’s voice to come screaming over the back fence. Even attempts to portray Bogans or Westies in a positive light also can’t help but start slinging mud – like Outrageous Fortune which while showing some of the positives like loyalty, can’t help but throw in some crime for good measure. Yet a lot of Bogans wouldn’t want to be popular – and this again is a very Kiwi thing, the love of the underdog.

All of this is something I plan to look into more in the future – how Bogans tie into New Zealand’s national identity. But for now I’d like to suggest that Bogans are a very concentrated form of what it takes to be a Kiwi. This can be it’s not to everyone’s tastes.

Think of Red Bull concentrate, for some it’s too much, for others it’s more powerful version of something great. Please send any offers for endorsements for energy drinks to my agent – unlike other Bogans I have no problems with selling out. But overall, to be a Bogan is to be a proud Kiwi who potentially takes it a little far depending on your point of view.

Also speaking of selling out, if you’re interested in Bogans, are Bogan friendly, or are a Bogan yourself, then I’d like to invite you to a party. I wrote a book about Bogans coming out soon, and to celebrate there’s a free gig at Biddy Mulligan’s Irish Bar on Victoria Street. It’s on the 2nd of August and starts at 9pm. Three bands are playing that are Metal/Rock or otherwise Bogan. If you’re feeling particularly generous, there are even copies of the book for sale if you’d like to buy one – and in the process help a little Bogan with his beer fund. I can’t think of a greater charity than that.

Stay Bogan \m/ Burton C Bogan

Yet despite these similarities, as the song says, nobody likes a Bogan. They’re, or should I say we, are viewed as dirty and smelly.

Even other Metal fans may try and keep their distance from Metallica-fan Kevin who loves getting drunk and passing out in the neighbour’s flower bed. Even if Kev keeps to himself and mows his lawn and has a 21

feature

Lately there has been a lot of talk in the paper about legal highs, discount prices, bans being imposed and re-imposed and the tiny rural community of Putaruru banning legal highs all by themselves. Which is strange because it seems like Putaruru is a place you would need to be as high as possible to stay in.

The problem is people keep focusing on the stupid extremes of the argument. Legal vs Natural highs, students being unaware of potential long term damage and the fact that if it’s legal then kids as young as 12 will be able to get their hands on it after all they have older brothers.

The Highs and Lows of the Campaign to Ban “Legals”.

Legals, bad marketing, the Putaruru Tourism board and why you should never take ecstasy while listening to Jordan Luck and the Exponents.

All those arguments are stupid and the people that are making them are completely missing the point. People that are doing legal highs are generally moron posers that either lack the social skills to talk to people or the connections to get their hands on real drugs or if it’s legal then they can get addicted and nobody can do anything. Legals are worse than illegals.

To really understand “highs” both legal and otherwise we have to dispel some myths...

Myth One: What the kids don’t know will hurt them.

I remember the first time I took ecstasy.

Predictably it was at a gig. Sadly it was at an Exponents Gig that I had snuck into at fifteen with a few mates. It was our first time clubbing at what was the Hillcrest Tavern and we thought we would mark the occasion by taking a half each and getting messy. Here’s the thing, we knew exactly what it would do to us. We knew the risks and the possible side effects and we did it anyway. Why? Because “experience” was like currency in high school. If you had done something your friends hadn’t, whether it was with a drug, at a party or with a girl, you were cool.

We knew exactly what could happen and we just didn’t give a fuck and student’s are more connected and have more resources available in their smart phones than ever before. You know exactly what legal highs can do. You just don’t care.

Myth Two: Think of the children.

This is perhaps the most redundant of all the arguments put forward. We should ban legal highs because kids who don’t know any better could get their hands on them with potentially fatal results. That argument is entirely faultless. You actually can’t argue with it, ban something readily available and legal because some people will be at greater risk of death if it is used wrong. The problem

22

feature

is the same logic holds up when you start to talk about banning alcohol, cigarettes, peanut butter, paper, power saws anything that could cut a hemophiliac really. The argument doesn’t really hold up because we don’t legislate for the dumbest among us otherwise we would have legislation restricting flight for fear of damaging angels.

As it is we need to put warnings on toasters that say don’t use near a bath. Isn’t it time we started a war on the stupid? And if you are a parent giving your kid alcohol or an older brother giving a ten year old Dr Feel Good or cigarettes for that matter then you are just stupid.

Myth Three: If it’s legal then people will get addicted to it.

Make the argument when you have banned alcohol, nicotine and gambling then we will talk.

Myth Four: Legals are worse than illegals because of the amount of chemicals required to synthesize the high.

Shenanigans. This was a myth made up by some lazy dealer in Breckons Ave to scare people off of legals. Real highs are measured by how much the purity is diluted by the shards of glass that cut you so that you can absorb the high quicker. Let me state that again SHARDS OF FUCKING GLASS TO CUT YOU. Do we really think they could put any chemical in legal highs that are worse than real drugs. Do the people that make this argument really think your average drug taker is going to be saying “Bath salts, done.

Ketamine yeah I tried it a couple of times. Mr Trippy? Yeah I have seen it at the dairy but I don’t think so man I’m not that crazy.”

The problem The real problem is that the people who are trying to get legal highs banned are exactly the ones that you would expect. They are the same ones that still believe in abstinence and have probably never heard of a single band you listen to. Just the notion that they hate legal highs turns them into some soon to be forbidden fruit. Because of that they are creating an overhyped market. A bunch of students that might never otherwise try drugs are now thinking “Shit I should stockpile them before they can’t be bought.” Ironically this sort of a panic may create a black market of formerly legal highs.

Perhaps the worst part of all of it is that I find myself agreeing that these legal highs should be banned. They are harming a generation that should never have gone past the occasional puff at a party, creating zombies and generally

are a profiteering windfall for what I can only assume a former Young Nats importing the stuff.

So let’s look at some real reasons to get “Legals” off the street.

Reason One: Legals are shit!

My first experience with ecstasy was awesome. If pot was the gateway then eccy’s were the destination. It turned “Whatever happened to Tracey?” into a whole experience for me. So much so that I spent the rest of the night calling every girl I met Tracey. My mind was expanding, my heart was pounding and my teeth wouldn’t stop grinding. It was awesome. My first time on legals was at a Christian wedding and I couldn’t stop talking about why Transformers was better than Dragon Ball Z (I stand by that, but that is hardly the point.)

to keep skipping classes, or work, or just not having money for rent or food. Good drugs are like the A Team, if you can find them and afford them then you must really need them.

Reason Five: Addiction Vs Experimentation Ok this one may be controversial. There are people out there with an addictive personality. They have a higher rate of addiction to gambling, narcotics, and other vices. They need treatment and education in those communities to avoid substances and to recognise the signs of addiction.

There is a very real issue with drugs and for the most part we are ignoring that. The reason is simple. the experience doesn’t ring true for the majority of us. We try a bunch of drugs and then for economic, education, employment or age reasons we decide to quit or at least revert to pot. And that is the awful truth of drug experimentation, most of the

“People that are doing legal highs are generally moron posers that either lack the social skills to talk to people or the connections to get their hands on real drugs” The experience was like comparing Ava Maria to ANY MILEY CYRUS SONG. Reason Two: EVERYONE laughs at you at dance parties.

I don’t care what your views are on drugs, whether you are a seasoned raver or someone who wouldn’t touch pot you should ostracize people who show up to an event with something they picked up from a dairy.

They are trying way too hard. It isn’t high school any more.

Reason Three: Legal drugs are like decaf coffee...pointless!

Like sex in public places, the danger of getting caught adds to the excitement, you take that away then you are just left with chemical’s that numb your face a bit.

Reason Four: Supply side economics You flood a market with legal drugs, competition goes up prices come down. All of a sudden legal drugs are cheaper than beer then it’s game on. Already brands like Lions Tail, Mr Trippy, K2 are pushing the marketing and brand and making you part of a demographic for advertisers. See on the illegal side people pay a premium for good stuff and then they realise that it is an economic model that is simply unsustainable. Think about it, every single one of us has that friend who no longer does drugs because he couldn’t afford

people trying drugs at a party will graduate, some with honours some with C’s and go on to lead productive lives as lawyers, teachers and whatever it is FASS students become; cheap, legal drugs, they will ruin you over time.

You can debate the merits of experimentation and the damage drugs are doing. There are very real arguments for both sides. But most people surely want to see these low cost knock-off addictive “legals” gone.

So what did we learn?

There are a number of lessons here. Kids, don’t do drugs. But if you do drugs then do good drugs. If you want to get drugs off the shelves then make better arguments to a more informed generation and finally if you are going to do ecstasy for the first time then make sure it is a cooler concert than The Exponents as you never know when you will need to retell that story.

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LIFESTYLE

claimed that he was an extra in the first ever comedy feature, 1914’s Tillie’s Punctured Romance, along with a veritable who’s who of comedic legends. Evidence has always been slight on that score but ‘Uncle Miltie’ definitely made his debut that year. Auteur House stocks Tillie’s Punctured Romance as well as the 1920 version of The Mark of Zorro, in which Berle appears as 12 year old.

We also have the 1984 Woody Allen film Broadway Danny Rose and the 1985 television series Amazing Stories. Berle features in both, playing himself.

Auteur Cinema and the aging star.

Mickey Rooney would easily win any contest for the longest continual film career of any major star. Debuting in 1926 as a 6 year old, the last film Rooney cameoed in that got decent distribution was 2011’s The Muppets.

Admittedly, the Mickster did little more than wink at the camera in the latter, but according to IMDB he has made 3 films since. The earliest Rooney feature that Auteur House has available for rental is 1934’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Hollywood’s first sound attempt at filming Shakespeare, in which Mickey is a scene stealing, over-the-top Puck.

With the wealthy and the lucky in western countries increasingly living into their 90s and beyond it is little wonder that some veterans of the silver screen have enjoyed employment for over eight decades.

In terms of Hollywood star careers two performers stand-out. Both Milton Berle and Mickey Rooney began acting as children. The former, who died in 2002, became better known as America’s first real television personality, but his career started in the silent era and his last acting performance was in a TV movie in the year 2000. Berle always

European cinema can lay claim to one star whose career clocked in around the 80 year mark. German Curt Bois appeared on screen

for 10 seconds in the classic Casablanca (1942) and enjoyed a more substantive part 45 years later in the Wim Wenders’ masterpiece Wings of Desire. Bois debuted in 1907 and made his final short film appearance in 1989, two years before his death.

When it comes to the absolute longest careers though, the record actually belongs to none of these folk. Jack Totheroh was the son of Charlie Chaplin’s favourite cinematographer, Roland Totheroh. Featured as an infant in the 1915 short The Bachelor’s Baby - directed, after a fashion, by the world’s first ever movie star, Broncho ‘Billy’ Anderson - Totheroh turned up an incredible 92 years later in the little known Weekend King (2007).

There is an outside chance that Totheroh’s career might be surpassed, and not necessarily by Rooney. Carla Laemmle, niece of Universal studio founder Carl Laemmle, appeared as an extra in the 1925 Lon Chaney classic The Phantom of the Opera as well as Bela Lugosi’s 1931 Dracula. This year - at the age of 104 - she has a leading role in a musical entitled A Sad State of Affairs.

Laemmle has another two films currently in post-production.

Richard Swainson

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LIFESTYLE

50 Shades of Gay Land of the Free?

Little Beer Corner How Craft Beer Changed My Life…

It’s fair to say that before joining the team at House I was a run of the mill Steinlager Pure drinker. Enjoying what I thought was a fine beverage on many occasions at my favourite

in between. I once even enjoyed a glass of smoked lager, and it literally tasted like a bacon sandwich, yum! Sure, there are some beers that my palate certainly isn’t up to handling (just yet), these tend to be the one’s the beer nerds love the most. But hey, all good things take time. Right?

My job has allowed me to travel to enjoy some of the finest beer and cider New Zealand and Australia has to offer as well. Last year I visited Wellington for the New Zealand Craft Beer festival known as ‘Beervana’. There were 270 different beers and ciders available on tap to try…heaven! It was here I tried an apricot wheat beer, a beer made using watermelon and enjoyed my first ever Double Trouble, an imperial IPA brewed by Tuatara.

“...I visited Wellington for the New Zealand Craft Beer festival known as ‘Beervana’. There were 270 different beers and ciders available on tap to try… heaven!” haunt(s) on Hood Street. In a touch over twelve months I have been converted from a mainstream, binge drinking, beer lover, into a Craft Beer connoisseur. And I love it!

My craft beer initiation began with New Zealand’s number one pilsner, Tuatara Pilsner.

This drop was the beginning of the end. It’s lacy, white head, golden straw colour, fruity and refreshingly bitter taste got me hooked.

From that very first jar I was enlightened and became almost snobby when it comes to drinking beer.

I’ve been lucky enough to try many different styles of beer in the past year, from refreshing German pale lagers through to grunty American imperial stouts and everything

This year’s event happens in August and since last year, the guys I work for have opened up their own Craft Brewery. I get the honour of heading to the festival to work, pouring Waikato made craft beer for the thousands of beer lovers in our nation’s Capital. Doesn’t sound too much like work, does it?

My challenge to you all is, next time you’re in the supermarket and reach for that tray of Double Brown (because it’s cheap), or are standing at the bar of your local about to order another Tui. Don’t! Be a man, and try something new. Believe me, you don’t have to go balls deep into Craft Beer (like I have) to enjoy it!

Pride Week in San Francisco in June this year must have been off the hook! Nothing sets the rainbow community into a party frenzy like hard-won milestones towards equality.

DOMA (the inappropriately named ‘Defence of Marriage Act’) was voted down 5-4 by the US Supreme Court, meaning that federal rights are now afforded to married same-sex couples. This means that same-sex married partners are now granted such benefits as hospital visitation, inheritance rights, and tax subsidies. Those whose partners are killed in service now get notified.

Of course, not every state has legalised same-sex marriage and America’s situation is far too complex to outline in this little column, but suffice to say this is still a pretty big deal.

There is a long way to go for our friends in the States, but at least things are moving in the right direction.

Another little win was that the Proposition 8 case was deemed to have an inadequate

“Once again the trailblazing kiwis have to help our auzzie neighbours play catch up.” argument for denying marriage, and thus same-sex couples are once again able to marry in California.

In local news, the definition of marriage amendment act comes into force on August 19th. Tourism NZ is already trying to cash in on the change by encouraging rainbow auzzies to come and wed in our paradise land.

Once again the trailblazing kiwis have to help our auzzie neighbours play catch up.

Don’t know about you, but I’m feeling pretty smug right now.

Lezbi Honest

Andrew Jones 27

lifestyle

Story Time Reverse Onus.

Our music writer gives us (and the Sunday Star Times short story comp) a work of fiction.

The markets were so busy the day we went before Christmas. Do you remember? There were all those stalls crammed onto the pavement and people kept yelling at us and at others; some were just yelling. The whole place smelled of melted tar and pastry. And we walked up and down holding hands.

There was a stall selling kids toys, you know, remote control cars and dolls and bubble mixture. Then there was that girl, what she can’t have even been ten? She walked headlong into the street with scooters and cars screaming past her and blew bubbles.

Bubbles were everywhere. It was if she thought the bubbles would protect her from the traffic. I guess you spotted her first, because you dropped my hand and bolted into the middle of the road. I couldn’t stop you fast enough. You grabbed that girl at the waist

“...walked headlong into the street with scooters and cars screaming past...” and picked her up like a lifeguard rescuing a drowning swimmer. You planted her back on her feet on the side of the road by her stall, but her parents didn’t even notice.

When you crossed back over the road, you hugged me so hard that it hurt a little. Your arms were solid and you were my hero just then. You looked right at me and I saw something completely new in your eyes.

That moment I realised, I mean, I could really see that you weren’t strong at all. You were petrified. And you did it anyway. You saved that girl even though you were so scared. And when we separated, it was torture, like Velcro tearing apart. You said, “Let’s go home.” And we did. That’s the moment I want to think of before I leave you. I want the bubbles and traffic and you coming back to me.

By Hp 28

Diary of a Single Girl Our single girl flirts with the idea of being a cougar.

Bumping into people you went to school with years ago is always a bit of a surreal experience. There’s always the “so what do you do now” (must pretend to look interested) and then the awkward reminiscence of the old times where you had braces, slut tags and hadn’t quite grown into your limbs, and in my case boobs, yet.

On a recent weekend away I had an even more surreal experience where instead of just the awkward chat I had a night-club hookup

and then a 8 am walk of shame. I was in the boy’s older brother’s class and he was a couple of years below us.

When I walked into the house I was staying at the next morning my very observant friends had only just figured out I wasn’t there. I asked them to guess whom I had been with, for some reason the far fetched person’s name was never brought up. When I told them the name was met by hysterical laughter and it’s been a constant joke ever since. Just after I arrived back to the flat my parents, who were also in said town for the weekend, arrived on the doorstep to see how our night out had been. Thankfully they hadn’t arrived half an hour earlier or my sweet and innocent image that’s still maintained for my parent’s benefit would have been smashed.

I’m now trying to achieve cougar status. I might try out The Outback or Bar 101 this weekend to hook a first year. Impressionable: Yes; Stamina: Yes; Relationship material: Never (at least not for me, chill boys).

lifestyle

The Afterlife Balancing Act.

This past week I had to take my first sick day since starting full time work. What was meant to be a day of rest and getting better turned into a day of me having no clue what to do with myself. I think I learnt that day that I have lost the ability to sit and do nothing, something I mastered during my student life.

Beginning full time work can initially be a bit of a shock to the system, the student life can make us grow accustom to days with a fair amount of free time. So for me working 8am – 5pm, 5 days week took a bit of getting use to, but it seems I am a fast learner because

“I think I am going to have to retrain myself in the art of doing nothing... it is important to have a bit of down time every now and again to keep yourself sane! ”

Making Living Cheaper Making Living Cheaper with Honest Matt “McDonalds”.

my body now believes it needs to be doing something productive at all times.

Gidday cheapskates, how the heck are ya?

For many of us students (not that I can count myself in that group anymore… sadly) being at home when everyone else is hard at work is a luxury we take for granted, I can’t tell you how many cold winter mornings I have gone off to work dreaming that I could go back to my student days. But it looks as though those days are fast becoming a distant memory, the morning I was off sick I couldn’t even sleep in past 8am, in fact I got up and attempted to tidy my room! I mean come on this really isn’t normal behavior for a sick person is it? I just didn’t know what else to do, I had to keep reminding myself I was actually home sick and being productive was not required that day.

I think I am going to have to retrain myself in the art of doing nothing, obviously it’s not something I want to be doing often, but it is important to have a bit of down time every now and again to keep yourself sane!

Emma Knapp

Right here’s your old buddy Honest Matt’s tips for Making Living Cheaper this week.

Tip #1: Take full advantage of fast food restaurants free sauce programs.

We all like a burger right? There’s nothing better than stumbling into a McDonald’s stained off your tits at 2am and replacing that lost stomach liner with a double cheeseburger. Anyway, next time you’re in a McDonald’s (or Burger King for that matter) you should take advantage of the free condiments on offer.

Maccas and BK have many complimentary condiments sitting there ready to save YOU a bit of money. Firstly, both the abovementioned fast food giants offer free sauce with the purchase of a meal!

Think of the money you’ll save on the sauce bill for the week/your next BBQ if you simply

stuff 50 to 100 of these mini sauce sachets into your pocket! Don’t worry because you are doing nothing wrong. Firstly there is no signage indicating a limit of sauce you can take, is there? If there is its clearly not well enough sign posted is it?

If you can score a box of sauce sachets think of the money you’ll save when you’re having your next summer Barbie. Remember that’s money you could be spending on booze. At the end of the day you’re doing nothing wrong are you? They don’t know how much sauce you like on your burger do they? You might like half a packet or you may like to dose your whopper in 100 packets of sauce? Who are they to decide? We live in a free society and we are free to make our own decisions on sauce usage. God bless America.

Sauce isn’t the only thing you can get for free at maccas. Having a house party? Why drive all the way down to the servo to pay $3 for a bag of ice? $3 for a bag of ice!!! You gotta be kidding me? What I suggest is going down to your local maccas/BK and filling your bucket from the ice dispensers? Just like the sauce scenario mentioned before there is no clear set guidelines on ice usage.

Ronald McDonald is too busy chopping down rainforests and trying to make kids obese to worry about you taking a few flagons of coke, a bucket of ice or a box of sauce. Guilt is for the weak. twitter.com/Honest_Matt

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Lifestyle

Google This Books Online.

Bookboon bookboon.com/en/textbooks-ebooks Bookboon.com publishes free and openly available eBooks for students and the books can be downloaded in PDF without registration. Available subjects are accounting, economics, engineering, IT, marketing, law, sciences, mathematics and management.

Religiousity This week Religiousity focuses on Christianity.

We’ve all heard about Christianity, right?

Christianity remains one of the world’s largest religions both in the number of individuals that claim it and the number of different takes on the general message despite having forked from Judaism over 2000 year ago. At it’s core Christianity is about believing that God came down to earth as a man for the purpose of restoring every human’s credibility with Him. So how does this work?

First, let us start by going right back to the beginning. God created time along with everything else in the universe. How exactly God did this nobody really knows but here we are. God created humans with the ability to make choices and gifted us with intelligence so we could make the ultimate choice that each of us has made: Will I obey God or not?

At the very moment that I choose not to obey God I am condemned to eternal death. This may sounds harsh but that is the consequence of myself rebelling against the one that created me. If I steal a car while the police are watching then I expect to face the penalty for it. That’s justice. When I told that lie last week, I got sentenced to eternal death. That’s justice. But that is only half of what Christianity is at its core.

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During the height of the Roman Empire, God decided that it was time for Him to come down to earth to rescue humanity from their rebellion. As a man God was called Jesus Christ, you’ve probably heard of Him. For about 30 years Christ lived as a human in every way except for going against God. Then humans decided to get nasty. They arrested Christ and took him to court on false charges.

Sure, Jesus could have just burst out of the guards that held Him with the infinite power of God but that wasn’t the point. The point was allowing human beings to choose what they wanted to do. And we did. We chose to kill Him. But it turns out that something crazy happens when someone dies who has never gone against God. (Recall that death exists only for those who go against God.) Just as with Aslan in C.S. Lewis’ The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, death could not eternally bind someone who did not deserve it. And so three days later Jesus Christ was alive again.

Not only was He alive but the injustice of His death allows anyone to claim Christ’s perfectness. At this point I am presented with another choice. Will I claim Christ’s perfectness or not?

It is the act of realising that you have rebelled against God and accepting Christ’s perfectness as a substitution for your own that makes you a Christian. By this act upon your death you are seen by God as perfect, as Christ was, and are therefore entitled to eternal life. Once a person becomes a Christian it is expected that out of their thankfulness for Christ’s sacrifice they strive to follow God and to try not to rebel against him, even though they are guaranteed eternal life.

Big Words bigwords.com Want to find the cheapest version of your textbook? Of course you do. Big Words gives you the cheapest price on the internet. Watch out for shipping though.

Open Culture www.openculture.com/free_textbooks A collection of free textbooks on art history, business, science, computer science, economics, education, engineering, history, languages, mathematics, music, philosophy, political science and psychology.

Flat World Knowledge catalog.flatworldknowledge.com While not free, you can buy online or printed copies of textbooks with the options for lecturer edited versions.

Scribd www.scribd.com Not just textbooks, but the world’s largest digital library. Some free content but also paid content. iOS and android apps available.

LIFESTYLE

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FEATURE

It’s not every day you get to talk to the Commanding Officer of a Naval vessel. And as I found out, it wasn’t going to be my day – because Commander Sandra Walker was out of mobile coverage. Understandable really, considering she was currently observing an operation off Great Barrier Island.

‘I was just drinking coffee and eating biscuits, to be honest’ she muses the next day. Back in range but still at sea, Sandra explains that between those coffees and biscuits she had also been observing the preparation of another vessel for an upcoming mission, readying it for shallowwater bomb-disposal near the Solomon Islands.

A well-earned coffee break, I’d say.

Sandra explains that it’s all in a typical day’s work for an Officer; ‘there are an infinite number of bizarre jobs you can do.’ And with the opportunity to change roles and tackle new opportunities on an ongoing basis, she’s done a fair few of them.

While Sandra enjoys her time at sea, she entered the Navy first and foremost for the skills she’d gain. As she says, ‘it became an easy option when I realised they were going to develop me from the day I walked in, until the day I chose to leave.’

And those skills have taken her far. Just last November, she became the first woman to take the helm of a major fleet unit in the Kiwi Navy; the largest ship in it’s fleet of eleven, in fact. As Commander of the replenishment vessel HMNZS Endeavour, she now leads a crew of 54, providing fuel and logistics support to other ships during 32

operations and exercises – a role which sees her travelling the globe.

At school however, she wasn’t sure what she wanted to do – until a Navy recruiter walked in. Not yet instilled with military promptness, Sandra was ironically late for this meeting. However, she still arrived in time for her attention to be grabbed by a role called ‘Hydrographic Surveying’, inducing in her romantic notions of charting maps like Captain Cook.

She was also drawn in by the prospect of having the Navy assist in paying her university fees; coming from a

“...at just 19 she had her first solo experience, navigating a $120 million vessel with over 250 crew onboard.” solo-parent family, she couldn’t fathom having to pay for her own studies. This, coupled with the Navy’s willingness to train her from scratch while earning a full-time salary, made the choice easy.

Only two years after beginning her training, Sandra qualified to navigate a frigate – and at just 19 she had her first solo experience, navigating a $120 million vessel with over 250 crew onboard. Responsibility, and opportunity, comes early as an Officer she says – and when it starts coming, it doesn’t stop.

Since then, Sandra has travelled the world. From docking in ports throughout South East Asia, gaining world-class

FEATURE

training in London and Sydney, to surveying Stewart Island, she has gained experiences that others can only dream of – all as part of the job.

She has also been able to explore her passion for people development. Pursuing various roles in HR management within the Navy, she has helped develop strategic organisational policy, instructed young Officers through their basic leadership training and even taking on the position as Director of Naval Recruiting for 18 months. She’s also completed undergraduate and postgraduate study, both supported by the Navy.

And although she’s considered leaving the Navy before, Sandra says the diversity of jobs available to her has meant she has been able to navigate her own unique career path through the organisation, her roles moving in

“...if you stay six months or six years, you will not regret the time you spend in the Navy.” line with her own personal aspirations. Plus, she says she still enjoys being able to work in a career that ‘contributes to social good.’

From her own experience, Sandra says that even if an individual isn’t sure if an Officer career is for them, if they’re lured by the prospect of leading others they should just give it a go: ‘It doesn’t matter if you stay six months or six years, you will not regret the time you spend in the Navy.’

But what of her home life? Sandra says she and her fiancé, Dave, have managed to strike a good balance. Living an hour out of Auckland, they enjoy being away from the city, allowing Sandra to indulge in her passions for gardening, beekeeping and generally being a ‘hippy-at-heart.’ Although she says she’d be quite comfortable getting away from it all and living off the land, she does admit she might eventually get itchy feet if she left the Navy.

But why would she leave? Especially when she seems to be able to get away from it all – including mobile reception – at work too.

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ALICE & A Lifestyle

Alice & Anne

By ALICE & ANNE

Getting down to the basics of perfumes.

Perfume; the stuff that makes you smell like Katy Perry or Taylor Swift, or whichever other celebrity isn’t selling enough albums.

Perfumes date back to the ancient world, with Mesopotamia (modern-day Iraq, Syria, Turkey and Iran) and Egypt. The world’s first recorded chemist was a perfume maker (and a woman) called Tapputi and ancient perfumes contained distilled flowers, oils, herbs and spices. A Persian chemist called Ibn Sina is responsible for the process of distillation, which is how most modern perfumes are created.

Eau de Parfum or Eau de Toilette?

The perfumes which are sold in department stores and pharmacies mostly come in two types; Eau de Parfum (EdP) and Eau de Toilette (EdT). The difference is the concentration of aromatic compounds (essential or perfume oils) in a solvent (usually ethanol or ethanol and water). Eau de Parfums are around 10-20% concentration, while Eau de Toilettes are 5-15%. There is usually a significant price difference between a bottle of Eau de Parfum and Eau de Toilette. Because of their higher concentration, Eau de Parfums tend to last longer and smell stronger than Eau de Toilettes. Eau de Parfums can last up to six hours while Eau de Toilettes between 2 to 4 hours.

Trend Spotting

By ALICE AND ANNE

Campus Trends

Chase away the wintery blues with bright colours.

important when selling perfumes as it forms the first impression of a smell. However the middle and base notes are the most important notes to the wearer – as they are the scents which can be smelt over a longer period of time. Middle notes form the main body of a perfume and base notes are an even richer and deeper scent than the top and middle notes.

The fragrance wheel Perfumes can be categories in several ways, but the most current and frequently used system is the fragrance wheel. There are four major families; floral, oriental, woody and fresh. They’re then divided into 13 sub-groups.

If you’ve ever worked in fragrance, like both of us, you’ll notice there is a clear demographic for each family. Perfumes like YSL’s Opium is mostly bought by older women and falls under the oriental family. Woody and oriental families tend to be for an older audience while floral or fresh fragrances like Daisy by Marc Jacobs or L’Eau d’Issey by Issey Miyake are almost always for a younger audience.

SLIGHTLY STONED What makes a scent The actual breakdown of a scent is described in ‘notes’; top notes, middle notes and base notes. The top notes are what can be smelt immediately when sprayed. They’re incredibly

SLIGHTLY STONED CHEF Beans ‘n’ Cheese 34

However, the most important information we hope you take from this is that you have to pull Nicki Minaj’s head off her perfume bottle and to watch out for the giant and incredibly creepy cut-outs of Justin Bieber in stores which stock his perfumes.

Stay beautiful, Alice & Anne

Get a can of Watties Baked Beans.

Open the can.

lifestyle

Arts Lara Brock Lara Brock is a nineteen year old developing artist based in Cambridge, NZ. She has a love for vibrant colours and expressions and most of her work is done in acrylic paint or coloured pencil.

For more images visit : https://www.facebook.com/larabrockart or http://aesthetic-explorations.tumblr.com/ You can also contact her at: lara.brock@hotmail.co.nz

Pour into bowl.

Apply grated cheese... Liberally.

Microwave till melted. Pour cider, watch cartoons.

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President’s Column Welcome to The President’s Column: The Hangover Edition.

If you thought your week of bar quizzes, themed parties and all nighters was rough, you should have been at the WSU. We really were burning the candle at both ends trying to fit in a busy schedule of 8am starts, 4pm pack downs and late night trips in vans to get you all to and from town safely on the cheap.

Studylink was already covering the drinks, so the least we could do was cover the ride in.

I hope you all enjoyed the week. If you didn’t, too bad. We did our best. Keep the car on Monday brought out my inner sadist as I tormented some poor souls with pegs on faces, water pistols, and bags of flour for five hours.

Seven people suffered through to the end, but one lucky competitor drove home with the heaters on. Tuesdays Meat Pie Mile brought a little bit of Scarfie culture to Hamilton, and on Thursday we gave you a Mid-Winter Christmas Feast that we hope nourished you enough to see you through until your mum’s next Sunday roast. As at the time of writing this column I can’t really speak for the rest of the week, so here’s hoping for a happy ending, and on to the next topic.

Last week’s edition of Nexus featured a rather scathing, poorly researched, and only slightly humorous review of the 2013 WSU Board of Directors. It was a little harsh, and if I had a conscience I think it would probably be telling me to come to their defence, so here goes.

The WSU Board of Directors work hard and get an honorarium of $418.75 per quarter after tax in recognition for their efforts. Given

the hours most of them put in, this works out to be about $3.20 per hour. They give up their time that they could otherwise spend working for a real wage, studying, or drinking, to help students.

Te Wairere may be out of the office regularly, but so are all of the third parties she is expected to maintain relationships with. The author was left wondering: “Is Danyell simply better than me, or is she from the ‘50’s?” The answer is she’s better than you. Mark Savage only slightly resembles a serial killer, and has done more work in a week than the writer of the feature probably does in a semester. And of the Board of Directors, Brennan is the one who has disagreed with me the most - which you would know, if you had ever actually attended a board meeting.

So here is my Presidential review of the entire Nexus feature: Meeting Attendance: 14.3% Humour: C+ Journalistic Integrity: C Nominations open on Monday for next year’s Board of Directors, so if you like the idea of late nights, slave labour, minimal pay, and having your name dragged through the mud – throw your name in the hat.

Aaron Letcher

Veeps REO is just the start according to Danyell.

How amazing was Re-Oweek?! It was so good to see the huge level of involvement in the games, competitions, and the consumption of free stuff. Monday morning was particularly impressive. A free car is a pretty sweet prize but as cool as it is, I would have given up. Even after being soaked in water, covered in clothes pegs, drinking bottles upon bottles of water with no toilet breaks and being bribed with multiple prizes, those contestants showed relentless dedication.

This willingness to get involved and sometimes a bit crazy didn’t cease as the week went on either with the Meat-pie Mile (gross), the Mid-Winter Christmas feast and the return of the late-night vans, among the many other WSU hosted events and services throughout the week.

Don’t stop there! This semester there will be a brilliant opportunity to get even more involved in the WSU and what we do. On Monday this week we will begin taking nominations for the WSU board of directors.

I have been on the WSU board for two years now and I can safely say that it is definitely worth doing. You get a lot of experience in a variety of areas, work with a fun bunch of people, network with some important people and it looks amazing on your CV when you go to get a real-life job. If you think you might be interested, email me on vp@wsu.org.nz or pop into the office for a chat.

Danyell Summers

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